The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #35 -- Joey Diaz & Eddie Bravo

00:00:30.000 Drop it, Eddie.

00:00:31.000 Bravo.

00:00:31.000 In the house for Joe Rogan's podcast birthday.

00:00:34.000 Here we are, bitches.

00:00:36.000 Millionaires.

00:00:36.000 Smoking that green dope.

00:00:38.000 What are you doing?

00:00:40.000 Scratching?

00:00:43.000 You fucked it up, Joe Rogan.

00:00:44.000 I'm scratching.

00:00:45.000 Happy birthday, Joe.

00:00:46.000 Thank you.

00:00:47.000 Happy birthday, Joe.

00:00:48.000 Thank you very much.

00:00:51.000 I love that dude's voice.

00:00:53.000 That dude's got some serious soul to his voice.

00:00:55.000 I can listen to the beginning of that song a hundred times in a row.

00:00:58.000 I don't care how gay it sounds.

00:01:02.000 I love that fucking song.

00:01:08.000 I know it's a stupid song.

00:01:09.000 I don't care.

00:01:10.000 You know what I mean?

00:01:11.000 There's some songs where you're embarrassed that you love them.

00:01:13.000 I love that fucking song.

00:01:15.000 I don't give a shit.

00:01:15.000 If you like Sublime, you would like that.

00:01:18.000 That's like a Sublime type song.

00:01:19.000 I love the rap too.

00:01:20.000 I love the dude rapping.

00:01:21.000 I never felt that vibe.

00:01:23.000 Especially when I saw him.

00:01:24.000 I'm like, wow, what a weird looking dude.

00:01:25.000 He's tattooed all the way up to his neck.

00:01:26.000 Real skinny, little happy, friendly guy.

00:01:29.000 Don't get me wrong, I would like to be a billionaire as well, but not feeling it.

00:01:32.000 The Fleshlight is sponsoring this My Birthday podcast and all other podcasts.

00:01:36.000 If you haven't fucked one, you don't know what you're missing.

00:01:39.000 Joey, have you fucked one yet?

00:01:45.000 It's been so long, it just turned into a straight commercial.

00:01:48.000 It's like, let me get this fucking out of the way.

00:01:50.000 No, we still talk about it.

00:01:51.000 Make it short and sweet.

00:01:52.000 Make it short and sweet.

00:01:53.000 It's like I'm a representative for The Fleshlight.

00:01:55.000 I like that line.

00:01:56.000 Did you rehearse it?

00:01:57.000 No.

00:01:57.000 That was the first time.

00:01:59.000 I probably said it before, but I didn't rehearse it.

00:02:02.000 Yeah, we got to actually make a commercial for it.

00:02:04.000 Can you imagine that?

00:02:06.000 Are you lonely?

00:02:07.000 Are you sick and tired of whacking off by yourself, looking out the fucking window, waiting for Cinderella to come in?

00:02:12.000 Look no more, cocksucker.

00:02:14.000 The flashlight is here.

00:02:15.000 Pick it up.

00:02:17.000 You too can fuck one of these things in the ass and the mouth.

00:02:20.000 You can fuck whatever the hell you want.

00:02:21.000 You just close your eyes and you're there.

00:02:23.000 Open up the flashlight.

00:02:24.000 Show them what's inside.

00:02:25.000 It's a clean, white little monkey shaving.

00:02:27.000 The asshole's clean.

00:02:29.000 No hemorrhoids.

00:02:30.000 That's how they do it over there at the flashlight.

00:02:32.000 You stick a dick in there, a finger, two fingers.

00:02:35.000 You can practice whatever you want to do.

00:02:36.000 Here we have happy customers.

00:02:38.000 Red Band, tell me about the flashlight.

00:02:39.000 It smells great.

00:02:40.000 Tremendous.

00:02:41.000 After you wash it or before you fuck it?

00:02:43.000 No, after you fuck it.

00:02:44.000 I love it.

00:02:45.000 Another word from Flashlight coming soon.

00:02:47.000 What?

00:02:47.000 You just weirded everybody out again, you fuck.

00:02:50.000 He said smells great after you fuck it.

00:02:53.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:02:55.000 Loads smell terrible when you leave them in your stomach.

00:02:57.000 You know, you get like a little puddle in the summer and you leave a load in your belly button and it smells like dead fish.

00:03:03.000 I'm like, what the fuck?

00:03:04.000 Or if you ever like jerk off and you're so lazy you don't even bother cleaning off your balls and your balls smell like fish.

00:03:11.000 That's happened like two or three times but my balls didn't smell like fish though.

00:03:14.000 I'll tell you what I do.

00:03:15.000 It was dry and crusty.

00:03:17.000 It's a matter of how much moisture you're generating down there.

00:03:20.000 This is what I do.

00:03:21.000 My shit's like a jungle son.

00:03:22.000 When I whack off I got the turtleneck so I hold the top of the turtleneck.

00:03:25.000 And the cum comes in and it swells up like a fucking balloon.

00:03:28.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:03:29.000 And I walk to the toilet and just open up the toilet and it goes boop!

00:03:32.000 And the chick spitting it in there.

00:03:33.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:03:34.000 So it pays to be uncircumcised, cocksucker.

00:03:36.000 That's how I roll.

00:03:37.000 You hold the tip when you're ready to cum and the cum comes out but it swells up like a balloon and you just hold it and throw it out to your teacher.

00:03:43.000 Where the fuck you throwing it at?

00:03:44.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:03:45.000 Throw it out to your teacher!

00:03:47.000 Science, bitches!

00:03:48.000 How funny is it that it's a common practice to cut your dick when you're born.

00:03:52.000 That's the most common thing.

00:03:54.000 It looks prettier though, right?

00:03:55.000 What are you even talking about?

00:03:58.000 Look, I mean, what if pussies came all trimmed back?

00:04:01.000 What if pussies came all trimmed back and exposed and because of that they weren't as sensitive and, you know, we just got used to the way they looked and they were trimmed back and exposed so we got mad if girls had lips.

00:04:11.000 Like, ew, what do you have pussy lips for?

00:04:13.000 Those are gross.

00:04:14.000 I can't even see the pussy.

00:04:14.000 It's all covered in this fucking pussy lip.

00:04:17.000 It's just a matter of perception.

00:04:19.000 You just get used to it.

00:04:19.000 There's nothing that's smart about cutting a kid's dick.

00:04:23.000 Did you get yours cut?

00:04:24.000 Fuck yeah.

00:04:25.000 Nobody asked me.

00:04:27.000 Nobody asked me.

00:04:28.000 Would you want it not cut right now?

00:04:30.000 Fuck yeah.

00:04:31.000 I think that's supposed to be the way it's supposed to be.

00:04:33.000 It's dirty.

00:04:33.000 No, it's not dirty.

00:04:34.000 No, you clean your dick.

00:04:36.000 Fresh like a motherfucker.

00:04:39.000 I know we're probably brainwashed, but we're raised to believe that someone that isn't circumcised has a dirty dick.

00:04:46.000 We're raised to believe it.

00:04:48.000 Well, I know it's not true.

00:04:49.000 It's not true?

00:04:49.000 I just have to be deprogrammed.

00:04:51.000 That's all.

00:04:51.000 Yeah, it's not true.

00:04:52.000 There's not more crevices for mushrooms to hide in.

00:04:54.000 It's all self-cleaning just like a woman's vagina.

00:04:56.000 You just got to wash it more, right?

00:04:57.000 If I pee outside and I don't shake it because the cops are coming or some shit, then your dick's going to smell.

00:05:02.000 But that's everybody in this fucking room.

00:05:03.000 No, see, ours is built so it just has like a gutter.

00:05:06.000 It just drips right off into your inner leg.

00:05:08.000 Oh, it's not a smart move.

00:05:09.000 You can't argue chopping the foreskin off, dude.

00:05:12.000 That's just crazy.

00:05:12.000 You do lose sensitivity, though.

00:05:14.000 Yeah, you lose a lot of sensitivity.

00:05:15.000 It's supposed to feel much better.

00:05:16.000 It's supposed to feel better?

00:05:17.000 I don't need help.

00:05:18.000 I can barely take it now.

00:05:20.000 I don't need any more help coming.

00:05:21.000 That sucks.

00:05:23.000 Any less sensitivity.

00:05:25.000 It just would feel better.

00:05:26.000 Do you cum like that?

00:05:28.000 More sensitive doesn't necessarily mean you cum quicker.

00:05:30.000 It just means it feels better.

00:05:32.000 Have you ever used a condom on a chick so that you can last longer?

00:05:36.000 No.

00:05:37.000 You've never done that?

00:05:38.000 No.

00:05:38.000 What about you, Brian?

00:05:38.000 I used a condom on my flashlight.

00:05:40.000 So you can last longer?

00:05:41.000 Yeah.

00:05:46.000 Which, as a disclaimer, say right away, we are high as fuck.

00:05:50.000 Alright, so if some of this stuff seems silly, that's what's going down.

00:05:53.000 I didn't smoke a joint for five days.

00:05:55.000 I watched Anderson Silva fight.

00:05:57.000 Stone, sober, like a priest, bitches.

00:05:59.000 You understand me?

00:05:59.000 I held out to today because I wanted to look good for this thing, and I'm going to Buddy Guy tonight and BB motherfucking king.

00:06:05.000 So I gotta save that shit because I'm getting fucked up tonight.

00:06:08.000 You understand me?

00:06:08.000 That Anderson Silva fight was insane.

00:06:11.000 What a fight.

00:06:12.000 My heart was pounding the whole time.

00:06:14.000 There's no way there's anything in the world that gives you that much entertainment, that much drama, that there's nothing like that.

00:06:22.000 There's no movie that can fuck with that fight.

00:06:25.000 Forever.

00:06:26.000 It's impossible to make a movie that's gonna be as entertaining, that draws you in like that.

00:06:32.000 So much emotion, so much anger.

00:06:34.000 So much explosion.

00:06:36.000 So much fucking struggle.

00:06:39.000 It looks like all hope is lost.

00:06:41.000 Anderson Silva slaps on the triangle.

00:06:42.000 The fucking crowd goes crazy.

00:06:44.000 Chelsea kind of pretends not to tap and hangs in there.

00:06:47.000 You're like, what the fuck is going to happen here?

00:06:48.000 And they break it up and be like, wow, he fucking pulled it off.

00:06:51.000 He pulled it off, man.

00:06:53.000 He kept in there for five rounds of getting the fuck beat out of him.

00:06:57.000 Getting taken down, getting punched, getting beat up.

00:06:59.000 Very little success on the feet.

00:07:01.000 Hits him a little bit, but then he gets taken down every time.

00:07:03.000 Four fucking rounds Chell Sonnen did that shit.

00:07:05.000 And he knocked him down.

00:07:06.000 And he knocked him down and people were giving him 10-8 rounds.

00:07:09.000 He got some 10-8 rounds.

00:07:10.000 That's rare.

00:07:11.000 It's rare you get a 10-8 round.

00:07:13.000 I used to argue with people at King of the Cage all the time.

00:07:16.000 They were really, back in like 2000, 2001, they were seriously thinking about making a 30 second ground rule.

00:07:23.000 Because the groundwork is boring.

00:07:25.000 And it's all about putting asses in seats.

00:07:27.000 And I'm like, what are you talking about that groundwork is boring?

00:07:29.000 Are you kidding me?

00:07:30.000 He goes, someone getting put in a triangle isn't as exciting as someone getting knocked out.

00:07:35.000 I go, it all depends on the situation.

00:07:37.000 Someone gets knocked out in a prelim, no one gives a fuck.

00:07:40.000 But if it gets knocked out in a championship fight, it's different.

00:07:43.000 And I mean, it's all about the situation.

00:07:45.000 That was Anderson Silva losing the fucking fight.

00:07:48.000 Losing every round.

00:07:49.000 Getting jacked.

00:07:51.000 He's invincible.

00:07:53.000 He's fucking everybody up.

00:07:54.000 He was gonna crush Sonnen.

00:07:55.000 Sonnen does everything right.

00:07:59.000 Takes him down.

00:08:00.000 Stays away from submissions.

00:08:02.000 Beats him standing.

00:08:03.000 Knocked him down.

00:08:05.000 Did everything right.

00:08:06.000 Everything was perfect.

00:08:08.000 And Anderson Silva, out of his ass, throws up a fucking triangle and it sticks.

00:08:14.000 Joe Rogan puts a kiss of death on him.

00:08:15.000 Because Joe Rogan goes, as soon as the fifth round started, he goes, is Chael Sonnen, how's he going to start to celebrate?

00:08:21.000 No, I said, is it too early for Chael to celebrate?

00:08:24.000 It's too early to celebrate, and I'm like, this motherfucker just drew the kiss.

00:08:26.000 But then you came back!

00:08:27.000 Adds to the drama.

00:08:28.000 You can never count out Anderson Silva with only three minutes left.

00:08:31.000 You can never, as long as he's active, as long as he can move, anything can happen with that guy.

00:08:36.000 He can knock you out in one second.

00:08:38.000 He can get up out of nowhere, you charge forward, you get fucking flying knee in the head, a la Carlos Newton.

00:08:44.000 Remember that fight?

00:08:44.000 Carlos Newton was dominating him on the ground.

00:08:46.000 He got back up to his feet.

00:08:48.000 They restarted him because he couldn't do anything on his feet in pride.

00:08:51.000 And he fucking leapt through the air and slammed Carlos Newton in the head with a flying knee and put him away.

00:08:55.000 He's a beast, man.

00:08:56.000 He's a bad motherfucker.

00:08:57.000 Anderson Silva is a freak.

00:08:58.000 His skin didn't even break.

00:08:59.000 He got hit 20,000 fucking times.

00:09:01.000 The skin didn't even break.

00:09:03.000 That's incredible.

00:09:04.000 That's that Brazilian lizard skin he's got.

00:09:05.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:09:06.000 I wanted that, but my grandmother went the different direction.

00:09:09.000 You following me?

00:09:11.000 Yeah, that guy's as tough as they come.

00:09:13.000 And while we're at it, I'm talking about tough guys because I've always liked him.

00:09:15.000 I've heard pro and con, but I've always liked him because he came up to me and talked to me.

00:09:19.000 He was very nice, and that's the farmer.

00:09:21.000 You know, and I call him the farmer.

00:09:22.000 Matt Hughes.

00:09:23.000 I love him to death, but after last week, I just want to say something.

00:09:25.000 He did the remake of Chinese Connection because he beat the whole fucking Gracie family, the students.

00:09:31.000 All he needs to do is wait for the Russian to come over.

00:09:33.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:09:34.000 He beat everybody up.

00:09:35.000 He's got to hang them now on the lamppost.

00:09:37.000 Henzo, the uncle, the fucking other one.

00:09:39.000 Boys.

00:09:41.000 The hoist one was the worst one.

00:09:43.000 The hoist one was a crusher.

00:09:45.000 Hoist, Enzo, Ricardo.

00:09:47.000 So in other words, Eddie, you're off the hook.

00:09:49.000 Dude, how sweet was that move he hit him with?

00:09:51.000 He hit him with that, they call it the Schultz headlock, I guess.

00:09:55.000 Yeah, I tried that.

00:09:56.000 Josh Barnett.

00:09:57.000 I tried that last night.

00:09:58.000 Did you see Josh Barnett's instructional?

00:10:01.000 No.

00:10:02.000 He put a thing on the underground.

00:10:04.000 If you go to mixedmartialarts.com, Josh Barnett loves all that catch wrestling stuff.

00:10:09.000 He's a huge catch wrestling fan.

00:10:11.000 So anytime there's a move like this, that's a Dave Schultz headlock.

00:10:15.000 Dave Schultz and his brother Mark Schultz, these badass wrestlers, used to fuck people up.

00:10:19.000 They used to get him with Kimuras and shit and do a lot of illegal things.

00:10:22.000 They'd hit a Kimura.

00:10:23.000 There's a beautiful video.

00:10:24.000 Have you ever seen a video of Schultz hitting that Kimura and flipping the guy over?

00:10:27.000 No.

00:10:37.000 Wow.

00:10:48.000 Yeah, these two brothers.

00:10:49.000 They were so crazy.

00:10:50.000 Did they ever kill anybody, like go too far or anything like that?

00:10:53.000 No, they didn't.

00:10:54.000 But the crazy thing is, there's a, I forget the guy's name.

00:10:57.000 Is it Hines or Hunt?

00:10:59.000 Who was the guy that killed them?

00:11:01.000 There was some guy who was this eccentric millionaire who used to pay wrestlers to come and work out with them.

00:11:06.000 That's what he wanted to do.

00:11:07.000 He was just a crazy guy.

00:11:08.000 And he lost his fucking mind and shot him.

00:11:12.000 Wow.

00:11:12.000 Yeah.

00:11:14.000 The whole thing's pretty crazy.

00:11:15.000 That's crazy.

00:11:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:17.000 I don't remember the exact guy's name.

00:11:19.000 I don't remember the story.

00:11:20.000 I don't feel like Googling it right now.

00:11:21.000 If you want to Google it, look up Dave Schultz, murderer.

00:11:26.000 Dave Schultz, butthole.

00:11:27.000 I mean, that was a great card from the beginning.

00:11:30.000 I didn't see the prelims, but I mean...

00:11:31.000 Mark Schultz fought in the UFC way back in the day.

00:11:34.000 Remember he fought Gary Goodridge?

00:11:35.000 Yeah.

00:11:37.000 Wasn't it his brother that died?

00:11:39.000 Yeah, his brother's one who got shot.

00:11:40.000 No, his brother got shot.

00:11:41.000 Sad.

00:11:42.000 They were monsters.

00:11:43.000 Monster wrestlers.

00:11:45.000 Wow, you played in the Olympics?

00:11:48.000 Amateur wrestler?

00:11:49.000 Yeah.

00:11:50.000 He won the gold in 1984. Yeah, does it say who murdered him?

00:11:55.000 He was some crazy dude who used to want to just wrestle dudes.

00:11:59.000 He hired these guys to come and wrestle him.

00:12:01.000 I don't know if it was some gay stuff or what.

00:12:05.000 I mean, look, there's guys who maybe they won't...

00:12:09.000 It's not like...

00:12:09.000 John E. DuPont from the DuPont family?

00:12:12.000 DuPont, yeah.

00:12:12.000 That was the guy who killed him.

00:12:13.000 He's a billionaire character.

00:12:15.000 He sniffed a bunch of paint.

00:12:16.000 I'm not saying that the wrestler's a gay, but I'm saying if some guy who's a gay guy just wants to wrestle...

00:12:20.000 How many rich gay dudes are there that fly people in to teach them some jiu-jitsu privates at the house?

00:12:31.000 I think for a lot of gay dudes, it's the same game as for a lot of dudes.

00:12:35.000 They're looking to turn somebody.

00:12:37.000 They're looking to get somebody's wife to suck their dick.

00:12:39.000 They're looking to get some dude who's not gay to let them fuck them.

00:12:43.000 It's beautiful.

00:12:44.000 It feels beautiful.

00:12:45.000 When they're not gay?

00:12:46.000 Yeah.

00:12:47.000 When they turn somebody?

00:12:47.000 They want to get some guys like, I don't think I could ever be gay, dude.

00:12:51.000 Is that the ultimate?

00:12:52.000 You could be gay.

00:12:53.000 Yeah, I think that's the ultimate!

00:12:55.000 Mrs. Rogan has some gay friends and they love straight guys.

00:12:58.000 They have a thing for straight guys.

00:12:59.000 They want to turn straight guys.

00:13:01.000 And you know, there was a guy that was working in one of the shows I used to work on who was working behind the scenes and he was a gay dude who would tell me how many straight guys would get drunk and let them suck their dick.

00:13:10.000 Wow.

00:13:11.000 He said, he goes, you'd be fucking surprised, honey.

00:13:14.000 You'd be fucking surprised.

00:13:16.000 How many of these straight guys?

00:13:19.000 That I met at a gay bar that were acting straight.

00:13:22.000 That's what it is.

00:13:23.000 That I met at a gay bar that were acting straight because they haven't come out of the closet yet.

00:13:27.000 There's probably a lot of guys that are straight, you know, that hang out and that fuck these guys.

00:13:31.000 Do you think it's that, or do you think there are some straight guys who are just so silly...

00:13:35.000 That they might suck a dick once.

00:13:37.000 No, I don't think so.

00:13:38.000 I think you're gay.

00:13:39.000 You don't think so?

00:13:39.000 If you want to suck a dick, you're gay.

00:13:41.000 I think there are dudes who don't have any friends.

00:13:45.000 That's like your bisexual joke.

00:13:46.000 There's no such thing as bisexuals, dude.

00:13:48.000 Let me talk here.

00:13:49.000 I think there's dudes that are just really fucking dumb.

00:13:51.000 And you can talk them into blowing you.

00:13:53.000 I really do believe that.

00:13:55.000 Blowing you?

00:13:55.000 You think you can talk a guy into sucking your dick?

00:13:57.000 There's some dumb dudes out there, dude.

00:13:59.000 There's some real dummies out there.

00:14:02.000 There's some people out there that will basically do anything you want them to.

00:14:05.000 You just have to talk enough to them.

00:14:07.000 Eventually, they'll suck your dick.

00:14:08.000 That's hysterical.

00:14:09.000 That's a good reality show, though.

00:14:11.000 Get a guy to suck your dick?

00:14:12.000 No, no, no.

00:14:13.000 Get the guy to think he's going to suck your dick and then tell him to fuck himself at the end of the night.

00:14:17.000 Let the guy do the whole thing.

00:14:19.000 But you'd have to get close.

00:14:20.000 You'd have to be kissing.

00:14:22.000 No, no.

00:14:22.000 Let him see how strong his game is.

00:14:24.000 See if your Jimmy's that deep.

00:14:25.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:14:26.000 Come get me.

00:14:27.000 Take me out.

00:14:28.000 Wine me and dine me, bitch.

00:14:29.000 So it's basically a blue balls gay show.

00:14:33.000 Fuck yeah.

00:14:33.000 And at the end of the night, the host comes out and says, so what do you think?

00:14:36.000 You gonna let them suck your dick?

00:14:38.000 Not tonight, Johnny.

00:14:41.000 I'm going for the couch and the trip to the Bahamas.

00:14:43.000 Fuck it.

00:14:44.000 I turn.

00:14:45.000 I'm taking second place.

00:14:46.000 I'm like Chael Sonnen.

00:14:47.000 I took the silver.

00:14:48.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:14:49.000 Fuck that shit.

00:14:50.000 You let them wind you down.

00:14:51.000 You buy you a few CDs.

00:14:53.000 Then at the end of the night, they pull you aside.

00:14:55.000 What do you think?

00:14:55.000 It ain't happening.

00:14:56.000 I just had the night off.

00:14:58.000 What the fuck?

00:14:58.000 So the real game would be that the gay guy doesn't realize that if he can talk a straight guy into it, he gets a million dollars.

00:15:04.000 He gets a trip to Mars.

00:15:06.000 A new asshole.

00:15:07.000 They trim it.

00:15:08.000 They give him a plaque.

00:15:10.000 They just give him the fucking world.

00:15:12.000 A whole world run trip of Santa Monica.

00:15:15.000 The whole thing.

00:15:17.000 And he don't know.

00:15:18.000 Like, you gotta say, bro, I got a straight friend that I think he's gay.

00:15:21.000 I want you to take him out and just fuck him.

00:15:23.000 Really?

00:15:24.000 Oh my god.

00:15:24.000 His head will, he'll grease his hair, he'll shave his balls, the whole thing.

00:15:27.000 He's going there with the intention of fucking a virgin.

00:15:30.000 We all get hot when we fuck the virgin.

00:15:32.000 The first time you fucked a virgin, how happy were you on the way home?

00:15:35.000 I don't think I've ever fucked a virgin.

00:15:36.000 Even if it was a horrible experience.

00:15:38.000 I never got a virgin.

00:15:39.000 Come on!

00:15:39.000 The only time I got a virgin was when I got diverginized.

00:15:43.000 And that was a terrible story.

00:15:44.000 You got any virgins?

00:15:45.000 I have many in high school.

00:15:46.000 I'm the ugliest dude in the room.

00:15:48.000 I got a girl one time.

00:15:50.000 I stuck my dick in a diverginizer.

00:15:51.000 Then I went to eat it.

00:15:52.000 I didn't know.

00:15:53.000 And I came up with a little red fucking thing on my mind.

00:15:55.000 It was disgusting.

00:15:56.000 Could you imagine if you had to deal with the kind of shit that you had to deal with, the drama that you had to deal with when you were like 14 and 15?

00:16:04.000 Could you imagine you have to go back and do that today?

00:16:06.000 I would do it.

00:16:07.000 You fit right in.

00:16:09.000 You didn't even have to fucking change.

00:16:11.000 You didn't even have to change your clothes.

00:16:13.000 I already do it.

00:16:13.000 You just slide right into it.

00:16:15.000 Bro, I dated this girl.

00:16:15.000 You're a Peter Pan.

00:16:16.000 My parents hated spics.

00:16:18.000 You hated fucking spics.

00:16:19.000 Did they get mad at you?

00:16:20.000 Oh, they would say it right in front of me.

00:16:22.000 But the chick was so hot, I didn't give a fuck.

00:16:23.000 They would say it?

00:16:24.000 They would say it like what they said.

00:16:26.000 On the way out the door, I would just knock on the door and they'd open the door and just walk away from me.

00:16:30.000 Oh my God.

00:16:31.000 And then she'd come up and then she'd go, fuck you, mom, or whatever.

00:16:33.000 Shut up, mom.

00:16:34.000 But one night, I'm in her porch fingering the show for like 10 minutes.

00:16:38.000 And all of a sudden, I turn around and the father was right there, bro.

00:16:41.000 Oh my God!

00:16:43.000 He was like red in the face.

00:16:45.000 I just took my hand out of those pair of jeans and I just fucking went.

00:16:48.000 I never called her again.

00:16:50.000 Nothing.

00:16:50.000 I seen her like years later.

00:16:51.000 Her brother hated me.

00:16:53.000 He was a fireman.

00:16:54.000 But they couldn't do dick to me.

00:16:55.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:16:57.000 Oh my God.

00:16:59.000 You ever get caught boning your girlfriends when you're a teenager and your parents come home or her parents come home and you have to jump in the closet naked?

00:17:06.000 No, I didn't have to jump in the closet naked, but I got busted.

00:17:09.000 I did.

00:17:10.000 Jumped in the closet naked.

00:17:11.000 It was her house.

00:17:12.000 Her dad showed up.

00:17:13.000 Her dad showed up.

00:17:14.000 I jumped in the closet.

00:17:15.000 I'm naked.

00:17:15.000 I was so fucking terrified.

00:17:17.000 The condom was just on and shit.

00:17:19.000 And he stayed.

00:17:20.000 He stayed for hours.

00:17:21.000 I passed fucking out in the closet.

00:17:24.000 I was asleep.

00:17:24.000 Imagine if you were snoring in the closet.

00:17:27.000 Yeah.

00:17:27.000 And that's how they caught you.

00:17:29.000 And they opened the closet and there you are naked with a condom on.

00:17:31.000 The condom was like stuck to my leg.

00:17:34.000 This lazy motherfucker is in the closet and he can just go to sleep.

00:17:39.000 He feels so comfortable in the closet.

00:17:41.000 He's naked with a condom on and he got busted fucking my daughter and he's just sleeping.

00:17:47.000 You would have no faith that this would be the man.

00:17:51.000 I was a child.

00:17:52.000 That might be the worst way to meet Your girlfriend's dad.

00:17:58.000 If he wakes you up because you're snoring because you're naked in the closet with a condom on.

00:18:04.000 You know what?

00:18:04.000 I have a friend who just got arrested because he found his 15-year-old daughter and her boyfriend having sex in the garage and he beat the fuck out of the guy.

00:18:14.000 Oh, you told me about that.

00:18:15.000 Yeah, you told me about that.

00:18:16.000 I know a guy.

00:18:17.000 He's a friend.

00:18:19.000 Hey, man.

00:18:21.000 Kids are going to do what kids are going to do, man.

00:18:25.000 Would you be so hypocritical?

00:18:27.000 You think you could have sympathy on a guy like that, right?

00:18:30.000 His daughter's getting banged?

00:18:31.000 The real thing, the real problem with men and women is that a lot of kids grow up in an environment where their mother and their father don't get along and they're volatile and there's a lot of fighting and yelling.

00:18:41.000 And so that's their model of what a relationship should be like.

00:18:44.000 And if you grow up in a happy household and everybody's cool and everybody's friendly with each other and that's what you associate human behavior with, Then that's the type of person you want with your daughter.

00:18:55.000 That's the type of girl you want with your son.

00:18:57.000 You don't want no crazy shit.

00:18:58.000 But the problem is that most people aren't like that.

00:19:00.000 Most people are a fucking wreck.

00:19:02.000 So the real problem with some kid coming over and wanting to finger bang your daughter isn't that your daughter shouldn't enjoy a good finger banging.

00:19:09.000 It's that this kid might be a fucking creep.

00:19:12.000 That's what you have to worry about.

00:19:13.000 What people have to worry about is how other people are raising their kids.

00:19:17.000 You have to worry.

00:19:18.000 You have to worry.

00:19:18.000 There's a lot of people out there that are completely ignoring their kids.

00:19:21.000 So you think that guy, before he beat that kid up, he should have stopped him and said, what kind of home do you want?

00:19:24.000 If you grow up in a house full of abuse, you don't want some kid growing up in a house full of abuse fingering your daughter's ass off.

00:19:29.000 That's a normal reaction, right?

00:19:32.000 Sure.

00:19:32.000 All of a sudden you walk in on your daughter.

00:19:34.000 It's not normal to beat him up, man.

00:19:36.000 It's not normal to beat him up.

00:19:37.000 If your daughter wanted to do it, if she wanted to do it and he wanted to do it, it is absolutely not right that you beat him up.

00:19:43.000 No, there's no way.

00:19:44.000 You have to say, hey, listen, this is irresponsible.

00:19:47.000 We're good to go.

00:19:59.000 That's the conversation you have to have.

00:20:01.000 If the girl starts crying and screaming, you say, look, this is an embarrassing thing.

00:20:07.000 You fucked up.

00:20:08.000 Learn from this fuck up.

00:20:09.000 You're absolutely correct.

00:20:10.000 Totally.

00:20:11.000 You can't beat the kid up because that's you, man.

00:20:13.000 It's a kid, too.

00:20:14.000 You've got to remember that's a kid.

00:20:15.000 Maybe the guy was big.

00:20:16.000 It doesn't matter.

00:20:17.000 So what?

00:20:18.000 You're not allowed to beat him up.

00:20:20.000 His brain's not big.

00:20:21.000 He's just fucking.

00:20:22.000 It's what you want to do all the time.

00:20:24.000 It's what everybody wants to do.

00:20:25.000 It's natural.

00:20:26.000 I'm going to tell you something, guys.

00:20:27.000 When it comes to daughters and wives, it's all fucking different.

00:20:31.000 We're not in that room, so wipe the fucking slate right now.

00:20:35.000 When it comes to daughters and wives, it's a whole different animal, gentlemen.

00:20:38.000 So relax with that shit.

00:20:39.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:20:40.000 Daughters and wives, it's a whole different animal.

00:20:42.000 Yeah, I understand that.

00:20:43.000 Some guys run out of the room, some guys look at a fucking shotgun.

00:20:46.000 Look, if the guy's hurting her, if he's hurting your daughter, that's one thing.

00:20:50.000 But if your daughter's liking it, your daughter shouldn't be able to like sex.

00:20:53.000 No, no.

00:20:54.000 That's ridiculous.

00:20:55.000 No, no.

00:20:55.000 What you're saying is right.

00:20:56.000 What you're saying is right.

00:20:57.000 When the animal instincts take over...

00:21:00.000 I'm talking about...

00:21:00.000 It's like, whatever.

00:21:01.000 The real animal instincts, though, should be about disrespect.

00:21:04.000 Okay, check this out.

00:21:04.000 If you were the 15-year-old kid...

00:21:06.000 Think about this.

00:21:07.000 If you were the 15-year-old kid and you got caught banging his daughter and he walked in, would you be terrified?

00:21:13.000 Yes.

00:21:14.000 Of course.

00:21:14.000 Why would you be terrified?

00:21:15.000 100%.

00:21:16.000 Because of movies, because of how you're grown up, but you don't really think that guy's going to beat you.

00:21:21.000 No, because of natural instincts.

00:21:23.000 It's his natural instinct to beat the fuck out of you.

00:21:26.000 You're born thinking that the whole time from when your kid takes over.

00:21:29.000 I don't think it's a thinking thing, bro.

00:21:31.000 I think that's an animal thing.

00:21:32.000 It is.

00:21:33.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:21:35.000 You're born thinking that.

00:21:36.000 That's why men have such a huge problem with men, like grown men, having sex with like 14, 13, 12-year-olds.

00:21:45.000 Because those are still like little kids.

00:21:47.000 And when grown men want to fuck little girls like that, that is one of the most disturbing things and one of the things that's least acceptable, least likely to be forgiven for.

00:21:58.000 You might be ruining my fucking daughter's life right here.

00:22:01.000 That's what that is.

00:22:02.000 You just want to fuck everything up.

00:22:03.000 Forever.

00:22:03.000 You're probably going to get her pregnant.

00:22:05.000 I'm going to kill you all the work I've done and now you're fucking it up and you don't even love her.

00:22:08.000 You probably tricked her.

00:22:09.000 You probably lied to her.

00:22:10.000 There's different situations.

00:22:11.000 You've been with her for two years and the father walks in.

00:22:13.000 He likes you.

00:22:14.000 You're going to have sex.

00:22:15.000 I mean, after six months, you figure that they're having sex.

00:22:17.000 But in the garage, it's all different, guys.

00:22:20.000 And that's why with daughters and wives, man, and I wouldn't beat the fuck out of the kid because I'd be a hypocrite.

00:22:25.000 How many people do I fuck and eat behind the high school?

00:22:28.000 I remember one time I even dug in the snow thinking I was going to fuck this chick in the snow.

00:22:31.000 I dug a little hut behind the fire department in North Carolina.

00:22:35.000 You know, I'm a freak, Jack.

00:22:35.000 You're going to fuck her in the snow.

00:22:37.000 In the fucking snow.

00:22:37.000 But the night before, I was fingering her, eating her little monkey.

00:22:40.000 And the next day, I got like 12 feet of snow.

00:22:42.000 That wasn't going to stop mad flavor.

00:22:44.000 When you're full of testosterone, you're 14. That's the thing about kids.

00:22:47.000 They accelerate.

00:22:48.000 They kick it to the next level.

00:22:49.000 They finger in one day.

00:22:51.000 The next day, they're fucking.

00:22:52.000 I went back there in the daytime with a shovel.

00:22:53.000 Shoveled a little patch we were partying the night before.

00:22:55.000 And I thought I was actually going to fuck her.

00:22:57.000 I was even happier because I was going to have my own sexual igloo.

00:23:01.000 You know how to pop a rose?

00:23:03.000 I'm going to have a sex igloo.

00:23:04.000 I'm going to roll hype in Alaska, motherfucker.

00:23:07.000 I swear to God.

00:23:08.000 When testosterone takes over, that's not the situation.

00:23:12.000 It's having a parent.

00:23:13.000 I wouldn't beat up a kid.

00:23:15.000 I think I'd say, get the fuck out of my house.

00:23:17.000 You would definitely be very quick on the draw if he was disrespectful.

00:23:22.000 If he started being a dick to you, you might be a little hyper-aggressive.

00:23:26.000 Your natural instinct is going to be...

00:23:28.000 It's hard to ignore.

00:23:30.000 Your natural instinct is going to be to beat the fuck out of them.

00:23:32.000 When I was a kid, I dated a lot of young girls, and that was the only parent.

00:23:35.000 They were German.

00:23:36.000 Fucking German people.

00:23:38.000 They were the only ones that were ever rude to me.

00:23:41.000 The only ones?

00:23:42.000 The only parents that were ever that rude to me.

00:23:44.000 Really?

00:23:45.000 Yeah, like the only...

00:23:47.000 Think about this.

00:23:47.000 How would you react?

00:23:48.000 Your daughter's dating some dude.

00:23:50.000 You met him a couple times.

00:23:51.000 He's totally disrespectful.

00:23:53.000 He has no respect for you.

00:23:54.000 You don't like this motherfucking dude.

00:23:55.000 You don't want them to be together.

00:23:57.000 And you hate this motherfucking kid.

00:23:59.000 He's a dick.

00:23:59.000 He's a douche.

00:24:00.000 He thinks he's arrogant.

00:24:01.000 And then, two weeks later, you catch him banging.

00:24:03.000 You walk in the garage and he's banging your daughter.

00:24:06.000 You have a stern...

00:24:07.000 Right there, you might fuck him up, right?

00:24:08.000 No, you just have a stern talk with him.

00:24:10.000 You have to realize it's kind of a kid and go, look, you're not woke.

00:24:12.000 You've got to put him to sleep.

00:24:14.000 You've got to stop this nonsense.

00:24:15.000 No, if your daughter likes him.

00:24:16.000 It's not going to leave marks.

00:24:17.000 It doesn't hurt.

00:24:19.000 I would never threaten harm against a kid.

00:24:22.000 You're just in the jiu-jitsu world, so you're used to choking people out.

00:24:26.000 And then by the time he wakes up, she's dressed and gone.

00:24:29.000 If she's getting raped, yeah.

00:24:32.000 But she's not getting raped.

00:24:33.000 She's liking it.

00:24:34.000 Exactly.

00:24:35.000 Did you not have sex when you were 15?

00:24:36.000 Girls like boys, man.

00:24:37.000 I was 13. Newsflash?

00:24:39.000 I was 13. Alright, so doesn't that in your head go, okay, I was a fucking punk.

00:24:42.000 Hey, listen, I didn't want to do it, though.

00:24:44.000 I got talked into it.

00:24:45.000 If you want the girl to be happy, you should want her to like boys.

00:24:48.000 Wanted to be around nice boys and have fun with your body, you know, responsibly.

00:24:53.000 That's what you should be doing.

00:24:54.000 You shouldn't be beating the fuck out of some kid that's banging your daughter.

00:24:57.000 That's crazy.

00:24:58.000 Yeah, I could have easily been killed.

00:24:59.000 You just have to talk to him.

00:25:00.000 You got to stern talk to him.

00:25:02.000 Go, look, this is the last time you're allowed here.

00:25:03.000 I don't care, you know, what you guys do out of my house, but you can't be here if you hate him that bad.

00:25:08.000 You have to do something.

00:25:09.000 You don't just fucking start choking the guy out.

00:25:10.000 Next thing that dude calls the police and now you're in jail.

00:25:13.000 I think Joe probably would.

00:25:15.000 I think Joe would put a guillotine on.

00:25:16.000 Joe's got a really good guillotine.

00:25:18.000 He'll put the fucker out in three seconds, yell at his daughter for a little bit.

00:25:23.000 By the time he wakes up, he'll be dressed.

00:25:25.000 You drag him out, he'll wake up in the fucking front yard with his pants on backwards.

00:25:32.000 That's what I think Joe's going to do.

00:25:33.000 Best case scenario is you find some kid who likes your daughter and you like him.

00:25:38.000 And he's like a cool guy.

00:25:40.000 And you become like friends with him.

00:25:41.000 That's the best case scenario.

00:25:43.000 You know, some dude who's dating your daughter who you actually like when he comes over.

00:25:48.000 You know?

00:25:49.000 Like, he's your friend now.

00:25:50.000 He's dating your daughter, but you like this guy.

00:25:51.000 Yeah, you can fuck her.

00:25:53.000 It's no big deal.

00:25:53.000 She's gonna want you to fuck her.

00:25:55.000 She's a condom.

00:25:55.000 She's gonna want you to fuck her.

00:25:56.000 Can you imagine?

00:25:57.000 Dude hooks it up.

00:25:58.000 Dude hooks it up.

00:25:59.000 Tries to convince the daughter.

00:26:00.000 No!

00:26:00.000 Sets up the date.

00:26:01.000 Pays for the hotel.

00:26:02.000 Pays for the hotel.

00:26:03.000 This is the guy, I'm telling you.

00:26:05.000 That's the easiest way to turn your daughter into a lesbian ever.

00:26:08.000 Could you imagine?

00:26:09.000 They would just go straight lesbo.

00:26:11.000 That's what they would do.

00:26:12.000 That's probably how lesbians are created when it's not natural.

00:26:14.000 That's probably how you create them.

00:26:15.000 You get the father to get you to try to fuck his friends.

00:26:20.000 That's the formula.

00:26:21.000 That's the best way to have a woman completely distrust men for the rest of her life.

00:26:25.000 Just get your daughter to fuck your friends.

00:26:29.000 Get your daughter to fuck your friends.

00:26:31.000 Right?

00:26:32.000 She's just gonna try to rebel.

00:26:34.000 How's she gonna rebel?

00:26:35.000 She's gonna go lesbo.

00:26:36.000 That's the only move.

00:26:37.000 If you got a cool father-in-law, they're pretty fucking cool.

00:26:40.000 I had a great father-in-law.

00:26:41.000 He's the one that bailed me out of jail the first time.

00:26:43.000 We were like shaky.

00:26:45.000 He had soft lips.

00:26:45.000 When I got in trouble, then all of a sudden he was there for me.

00:26:48.000 It was a weird relationship because he had boys, but he was kind of upset how his boys had turned out.

00:26:53.000 They turned into pussies, right?

00:26:54.000 He wanted them to be very educated.

00:26:57.000 They didn't want to do that.

00:26:58.000 He was kind of upset with them in a way.

00:27:00.000 He didn't understand.

00:27:02.000 I think you told me this.

00:27:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:03.000 He was very upset with them.

00:27:04.000 They were successful roofers.

00:27:05.000 They had a tremendous roofing company to read different states, but he just wasn't into that stuff.

00:27:10.000 It's always going to be weird when someone's fucking your baby.

00:27:14.000 All my relationships in high school when I was dating a girl As soon as the parents knew we were boning, it was always creepy.

00:27:20.000 You'd be around them like you're stealing food from them.

00:27:23.000 It just feels weird.

00:27:24.000 I had my parents walk in.

00:27:25.000 My dad walk in and my stepmom walk in while I was having sex when I was like 17. The stepmom got pissed, but the dad was like, that's pretty cool.

00:27:35.000 My mom used to try to set ground rules and shit.

00:27:38.000 She couldn't come over my house and be in my bedroom with the door closed.

00:27:42.000 I'm like, alright mom.

00:27:44.000 Get the fuck out of here, alright?

00:27:45.000 This other girl I dated, her parents let me spend the night when I was 16. Sleep in bed.

00:27:52.000 They would wake up the next morning and go, time to wake up, school bus, or whatever.

00:27:55.000 Time to wake up to go to school.

00:27:56.000 And I just remember looking up and seeing her dad.

00:27:58.000 And I never thought it was crazy.

00:27:59.000 And my parents knew I would stay the night.

00:28:01.000 But now I look back at them like, that's fucking weird.

00:28:03.000 The only time that happened to me, I was 21 and she was 17. It was my girlfriend for about three years.

00:28:09.000 She was 17. You shouldn't be admitting to that.

00:28:11.000 Yeah, I know.

00:28:11.000 Wait, you mean 18, right?

00:28:13.000 No, but we didn't have sex at 17 when she was 17. When she turned 18, that's when the sex started.

00:28:17.000 It was just like a month later.

00:28:19.000 Is that under Clinton definitions of sex?

00:28:21.000 You were just pen pals before?

00:28:23.000 I did not have sexual relations at this moment.

00:28:25.000 I didn't even think about that.

00:28:27.000 I didn't even think about that.

00:28:28.000 I'm 21, she's 17. That didn't even enter my mind.

00:28:32.000 At all.

00:28:32.000 And her parents were totally cool with it.

00:28:34.000 Their parents let me spend the night.

00:28:36.000 They were totally cool.

00:28:37.000 Unless you're in Iowa where you're not allowed to be 16 to be a stripper, but the only law is you have to come home before 11 p.m.

00:28:45.000 God.

00:28:46.000 That's incredible.

00:28:47.000 What state?

00:28:48.000 Iowa, and I think also Rhode Island.

00:28:51.000 Is that what I said last time?

00:28:52.000 I think you said Rhode Island.

00:28:52.000 You could strip in high school.

00:28:54.000 As long as you strip from the 2 to 10, 15 shift.

00:28:57.000 You gotta let a whole be a whole lot.

00:28:59.000 Who pushed that law through?

00:29:01.000 Someone fucking...

00:29:02.000 A pervert senator.

00:29:04.000 You know what I mean?

00:29:05.000 Like 16-year-olds.

00:29:06.000 I want to see the process of that.

00:29:07.000 A reality show on the birth of that fucking thing.

00:29:11.000 That's gotta be a fucker for some people.

00:29:12.000 I can't give you a rap dance.

00:29:13.000 It's Willie D from the Ghetto Boys.

00:29:15.000 He pushed it to the center.

00:29:16.000 Ghetto Boys.

00:29:17.000 You gotta let a hoe be a hoe.

00:29:19.000 Hey, I never found out...

00:29:21.000 You remember that?

00:29:21.000 Yeah.

00:29:21.000 You remember that shit?

00:29:22.000 The one cover where his eyeballs falling out, was that real or fake?

00:29:26.000 Yeah, it was real.

00:29:27.000 That was a real...

00:29:27.000 He shot himself.

00:29:28.000 I heard it was real, but I don't know if that was fake or real.

00:29:30.000 Dude, that guy was off the deep end, crazy.

00:29:32.000 There'd never been a guy like Bushwick Bill.

00:29:34.000 That was a crazy picture, man.

00:29:35.000 A midget star rapper with one eye who shot himself, who was fucked up on all kinds of drugs.

00:29:41.000 And still was a giant star.

00:29:43.000 Wow.

00:29:44.000 What kind of pussy do you think that guy got?

00:29:45.000 He must have gotten mad pussy.

00:29:46.000 Bushwick Bill is probably the Michael Jordan of black midgets.

00:29:55.000 You know what I mean?

00:29:55.000 He's like the most famous.

00:29:57.000 The only other guy is Vern Troyer.

00:29:59.000 That guy, I'm sure, midgets around the world have posters of Vern Troyer and fucking...

00:30:04.000 The street midgets, for sure, Bushwick Bill is the number one dude in their soul.

00:30:10.000 That's the Bruce Lee.

00:30:11.000 Hey, dude, find Fuck A War.

00:30:13.000 Wait, wait.

00:30:14.000 By the Ghetto Boys.

00:30:15.000 No, this is the best Ghetto Boys song.

00:30:16.000 Hold on.

00:30:17.000 No, no, no.

00:30:17.000 Fuck A War.

00:30:18.000 Find that, please.

00:30:19.000 Find Fuck A War.

00:30:21.000 Bushwick Bill could fucking flow, too, though.

00:30:24.000 He had a weird way of talking, but his...

00:30:28.000 The kiddo boys were fucking good.

00:30:30.000 He was fucking talented.

00:30:32.000 I don't know what he was, man.

00:30:33.000 But he was talented.

00:30:35.000 He rose above midgetry.

00:30:39.000 Totally.

00:30:40.000 He fucking transcended all that shit.

00:30:42.000 Totally transcended it.

00:30:42.000 He got hoes.

00:30:44.000 Everybody respected him as a rapper.

00:30:45.000 He was a fucking rock star.

00:30:46.000 This is a great song.

00:31:09.000 What is this show?

00:32:11.000 Don't be no shit-talking president!

00:33:13.000 That's a good fucking song.

00:33:15.000 That's a good rap song.

00:33:17.000 Yeah, that's a great song.

00:33:18.000 Fortunately for him, he doesn't have to be all that fucking mad.

00:33:21.000 They'll never draft a midget.

00:33:23.000 Like he was all pissed off like they were going to pick him.

00:33:26.000 Like he was going to be on the front line leading the charge.

00:33:28.000 Like you really felt that angry?

00:33:30.000 I like that fucking song.

00:33:32.000 He was safe as fuck.

00:33:32.000 This is my favorite song.

00:33:38.000 Yeah, but that's Scarface.

00:33:39.000 That whole song was Bushwick Bill.

00:33:41.000 This is Scarface.

00:33:42.000 This is Ghetto Boys, right?

00:33:43.000 That's Scarface.

00:33:44.000 Scarface is the other singer in the Ghetto Boys.

00:33:45.000 There's like three of them.

00:33:46.000 It's a different guy.

00:33:47.000 Oh, a different guy singing, yeah.

00:33:48.000 But that was my favorite Ghetto Boys song.

00:33:50.000 Yeah, it's a different Ghetto Boy, though.

00:33:52.000 Bushwick Bill's, his best song is Fuck A War.

00:33:56.000 That's his best one, man.

00:33:57.000 That's the best one that's all Bushwick, all flow.

00:33:59.000 That's a good fucking song.

00:34:02.000 And it's fucking right.

00:34:04.000 And then there's that little wee man.

00:34:07.000 He's a famous midget.

00:34:08.000 That's the modern day jackass.

00:34:12.000 Skater midget.

00:34:13.000 And then there's that dude, the comedian.

00:34:14.000 That little kiss.

00:34:15.000 What is the dude's name?

00:34:16.000 That little kiss.

00:34:18.000 What is his name?

00:34:21.000 I'm on the spot right now.

00:34:22.000 Do you know his name?

00:34:24.000 Brad?

00:34:25.000 Brad.

00:34:27.000 He's a midget?

00:34:28.000 Yeah.

00:34:29.000 Was Gary Coleman considered a midget?

00:34:30.000 Is he funny?

00:34:31.000 Yeah.

00:34:32.000 He's a nice kid.

00:34:33.000 He's really nice.

00:34:34.000 Gary Coleman wasn't considered a midget, right?

00:34:35.000 Oh, yeah.

00:34:36.000 I'm not sure.

00:34:36.000 No, no, but his head was small.

00:34:38.000 He was different.

00:34:39.000 He was like a little person.

00:34:40.000 You know what I'm talking about?

00:34:41.000 Gary Coleman, he wasn't like a real midget with a big head.

00:34:43.000 Some are dwarfs, some are midgets.

00:34:44.000 You know what would be awesome if they remade the story of Gary Coleman, but they used Webster to play Gary Coleman?

00:34:50.000 That guy, man.

00:34:51.000 Or Bushwick Bill.

00:34:52.000 That photo of him in bed dying and his wife taking a picture.

00:34:57.000 She's right next to him taking a photo.

00:34:58.000 That is one of the creepiest photos I've ever seen in my life.

00:35:01.000 Which photo?

00:35:02.000 Can I see it?

00:35:02.000 There's a woman.

00:35:04.000 I think I saved it.

00:35:05.000 Let me see if I saved it here.

00:35:06.000 Hopefully I did.

00:35:07.000 But it's Gary Coleman, and he's on his deathbed.

00:35:12.000 You see if you can find it, Brian?

00:35:14.000 All right, here, I'm going to look for it on Google.

00:35:17.000 You guys can talk.

00:35:18.000 Joey.

00:35:19.000 What's the story, Doug?

00:35:22.000 Did you teach today?

00:35:23.000 Oh, no, today's, you teach tonight.

00:35:25.000 Teach tonight, yep.

00:35:27.000 What's the curriculum this week?

00:35:30.000 What the fuck are we doing?

00:35:31.000 What's that?

00:35:32.000 What the fuck are we doing?

00:35:33.000 We're doing the ham sandwich.

00:35:35.000 Okay.

00:35:36.000 Awesome half guard technique.

00:35:37.000 And we're also doing old school from quarter guard.

00:35:42.000 Okay.

00:35:44.000 And...

00:35:44.000 Here it is, right here.

00:35:46.000 A north-south joke.

00:35:47.000 Here it is.

00:35:49.000 She took a picture of herself.

00:35:51.000 It's all watermarked all over it.

00:35:52.000 You can find it if you just Google Gary Coleman death photo.

00:35:56.000 It's him all fucked up, lying in bed, and she's taking a picture just like Totally coldly, just into the...

00:36:02.000 I mean, that's what I'm getting from her.

00:36:05.000 She just wants to get a photo of herself next to this freak.

00:36:09.000 Maybe that's his wife.

00:36:10.000 It is his wife.

00:36:11.000 It is his wife.

00:36:13.000 She's fucking selling photos of her next to the dead body.

00:36:16.000 Or dying body.

00:36:18.000 He looks like a baby.

00:36:20.000 He is a baby.

00:36:21.000 Damn, he got a big white girl.

00:36:23.000 God damn.

00:36:24.000 So that was his wife, for sure?

00:36:26.000 Yes.

00:36:27.000 Well, he divorced her, but she still had...

00:36:30.000 Some power to see him, I guess.

00:36:32.000 I don't know.

00:36:33.000 Poor fuck.

00:36:35.000 I don't know what he did in a past life.

00:36:37.000 If you believe in that, he did some shit.

00:36:40.000 Well, I heard he was like an asshole, too.

00:36:42.000 I heard he was just a...

00:36:43.000 It's probably so hard to not be when you're three feet tall and everybody's fucking with you everywhere you go.

00:36:47.000 Yeah.

00:36:48.000 You know?

00:36:49.000 Going, dynamite!

00:36:50.000 And he's like, that's not my thing.

00:36:52.000 Yeah.

00:36:57.000 Oh, that's right.

00:36:58.000 I'm sorry.

00:36:59.000 What you talking about, Willis?

00:37:02.000 That must happen.

00:37:03.000 Oh, you're not the guy from Good Times?

00:37:04.000 No, that's not me.

00:37:05.000 I love Good Times.

00:37:06.000 I love Good Times.

00:37:07.000 I so thought that was you.

00:37:09.000 I seen her in an audition.

00:37:11.000 Winona Deance.

00:37:13.000 She don't look that good no more.

00:37:14.000 No?

00:37:14.000 It's over?

00:37:16.000 She's older.

00:37:16.000 She's got to be like 80, 60, 70 or something.

00:37:19.000 She used to be hot on the show.

00:37:21.000 I was reading something about, you remember that band Live?

00:37:24.000 Yes.

00:37:24.000 Remember Live?

00:37:25.000 There was an article that I was reading about how they broke up and about how the singer wanted all the money.

00:37:31.000 He wanted them to sign off all the rights to the songs and everything to him.

00:37:35.000 I don't know who was right or who was wrong.

00:37:37.000 But I was looking at that and I was like, how fucking hard is it to make it in the music business?

00:37:43.000 Is that the hardest thing in all of show business?

00:37:46.000 I think it is, right?

00:37:48.000 Do you think that's the hardest thing?

00:37:50.000 It's the hardest thing because acting is kind of hard too.

00:37:57.000 Sometimes it's not hard.

00:37:59.000 It just depends on how good you are.

00:38:00.000 If you've got good product, if you have persistence, you keep pushing.

00:38:05.000 Some people will never get the good product.

00:38:08.000 Some people are born comedians, some people are born songwriters.

00:38:10.000 Look at Mike Posner.

00:38:11.000 He started off doing iTunes or GarageBand shit and giving a CD away.

00:38:16.000 Now he's got one of the number one CDs out right now.

00:38:20.000 I have no idea who that is.

00:38:21.000 What's his name?

00:38:22.000 Mike Posner.

00:38:24.000 Is he good?

00:38:25.000 I like him.

00:38:26.000 Uh-oh.

00:38:28.000 Once you hear the song, you'll know what I'm...

00:38:30.000 Joey Diaz is going to stab you with a pen.

00:38:32.000 I'm going to stab you with a pen, cocksucker.

00:38:34.000 You think this is good music?

00:38:38.000 Alright.

00:38:40.000 This is two half of fags with a banjo.

00:38:42.000 It's very tough.

00:38:43.000 You see these bands, they break up after two fucking hours.

00:38:46.000 But it was like, yeah, them getting along with each other.

00:38:49.000 It's impossible.

00:38:51.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:38:52.000 Brian, that's super loud.

00:39:01.000 What is this?

00:39:02.000 Mike Posner.

00:39:03.000 He's the one that...

00:39:03.000 He was going to college up to, like, three months ago.

00:39:06.000 Now he has, like, the number one CD. He was just found online, pretty much.

00:39:10.000 Really?

00:39:11.000 Dude, he...

00:39:12.000 This is the number one album.

00:39:15.000 It just came out yesterday.

00:39:16.000 The aliens are landing, cocksucker.

00:39:19.000 Fucking garbage.

00:39:20.000 Fucking world is coming to an end.

00:39:22.000 I don't want to judge this song harshly.

00:39:26.000 Because maybe I would like it under other circumstances.

00:39:28.000 I've heard it before.

00:39:29.000 I've heard it before.

00:39:30.000 Is it the guy with the big hoop earrings?

00:39:34.000 I don't think so, no.

00:39:35.000 Here's the thing about songs, man.

00:39:36.000 If someone tells you, this is the best song ever, and you've never heard of it, and then they play it, if it doesn't grab you in like 15 seconds...

00:39:41.000 Well, this is like...

00:39:43.000 Remember this?

00:39:43.000 Okay, I've heard that.

00:39:44.000 We used to use it on the Death Squad a couple years ago.

00:39:46.000 Yes, okay.

00:39:47.000 Oh, it's a couple years old?

00:39:49.000 Yeah, this song has been redone just for this new album that came out.

00:39:53.000 Some rapper found him and they made him redo all his songs.

00:39:57.000 And so there's old school versions he used to do on GarageBand in his dorm room of this song.

00:40:01.000 And now this song is one of the number one songs.

00:40:04.000 It's crazy.

00:40:05.000 It's really interesting.

00:40:06.000 His story is really interesting.

00:40:09.000 And he just got discovered on Myspace?

00:40:11.000 I think just off his website and word of mouth and he used to throw free songs up on torrents and on his website and CDs and he just became big.

00:40:19.000 It's crazy.

00:40:21.000 I can get into that.

00:40:23.000 That's a good story.

00:40:24.000 I like that story.

00:40:27.000 There's a band called Ill, I-L-L, and the song's called Chasin' Shadows.

00:40:33.000 Listen to this for 20 seconds.

00:40:36.000 What's it called?

00:40:37.000 Chasin' Shadows by Ill.

00:40:38.000 I got super crazy baked on the vaporizer yesterday with a buddy of mine, and he goes, check out this song.

00:40:45.000 And it's just...

00:40:46.000 I don't know.

00:40:47.000 You're either going to love it or hate it, but it fucking blew me away.

00:40:50.000 It's like music you've never heard before.

00:40:52.000 Like super...

00:40:53.000 Coming out of the closet radio, it's 426. The band is ill.

00:41:01.000 Chasing shadows.

00:41:02.000 Is this it?

00:41:03.000 Yeah.

00:41:04.000 Is it chasing shadows?

00:41:05.000 Yeah.

00:41:06.000 I already went to put a mascara on.

00:41:07.000 You must have been really high, son.

00:41:09.000 Hold on.

00:41:12.000 I feel like I should go put on my elf costume.

00:41:18.000 Maybe I should dress up like a wizard.

00:41:20.000 Wait till the beat shows up.

00:41:27.000 There's no vocals or nothing.

00:41:32.000 It's just all instrumental.

00:41:34.000 Oh, really?

00:41:35.000 Yeah.

00:41:36.000 It's just all a dude just freestyling on electronic shit.

00:41:40.000 And he's playing all these different gadgets.

00:41:41.000 I like that.

00:41:42.000 It's called dubstep.

00:41:45.000 Supposedly, like, huge and clubby.

00:41:47.000 I love listening to music with no lyrics for writing.

00:41:58.000 It's just chaos.

00:42:00.000 This is like when Mars attacks.

00:42:02.000 Yes, exactly.

00:42:07.000 This is like the background of a bank robbery scene.

00:42:10.000 Yes.

00:42:11.000 Guy Ritchie movie.

00:42:13.000 In a Guy Ritchie movie.

00:42:15.000 Alright, let's kill this.

00:42:17.000 I want you to go to one now.

00:42:18.000 I can respect no music songs like that.

00:42:19.000 Last time I was here, we dropped a classic video on you.

00:42:22.000 Trust me.

00:42:23.000 It blew my fucking head.

00:42:24.000 We dropped a classic video on these fucking people.

00:42:26.000 Last time I was here, I saw you talking in the rain.

00:42:29.000 I'm going to drop another one, but this is my present to Joe Rogan because I know he likes this dude, but you got to put it on your computer.

00:42:34.000 Okay, what do you want?

00:42:35.000 You're going to just see the first minute of his performance.

00:42:39.000 Well, I can't watch it on my computer because we'll hear it.

00:42:42.000 What do you want?

00:42:42.000 Turn it around.

00:42:43.000 It's nothing to hear.

00:42:44.000 It's nothing to hear.

00:42:45.000 You've got to see this.

00:42:46.000 You've got to fucking feel this.

00:42:47.000 What is it?

00:42:48.000 It's James Brown live in Zaire, 1974, doing the big payback.

00:42:53.000 Just the first minute.

00:42:55.000 1974?

00:42:56.000 Zaire, yeah.

00:42:57.000 Just the first minute.

00:42:58.000 He was there for the Muhammad Ali fight.

00:42:59.000 This was the concert for Muhammad Ali when he knocked out George Foreman or whatever the fuck it was.

00:43:05.000 I want you to see the first minute of this.

00:43:08.000 This is just for you, dawg.

00:43:09.000 You're gonna fucking die.

00:43:10.000 I'm gonna die.

00:43:11.000 You're gonna fucking die.

00:43:13.000 He's 50. He's not 20. He's not 10 with fucking organs.

00:43:17.000 Give him away.

00:43:18.000 He's 50, gentlemen.

00:43:19.000 This man will make your liver quiver.

00:43:23.000 Hold on, hold on.

00:43:25.000 Just look at the intro for starters.

00:43:29.000 Wow.

00:43:30.000 This man will freeze your knees.

00:43:34.000 If you will, let's all welcome the world's godfather of soul, soul brother number one, James Brown!

00:43:44.000 Goddamn.

00:43:45.000 He comes out now with a UFC posse.

00:43:48.000 Look at the getup.

00:43:52.000 Oh my God, he's a genius.

00:43:56.000 No, right here.

00:43:56.000 Here we go.

00:43:57.000 Holy shit!

00:44:04.000 Goddamn!

00:44:05.000 Goddamn!

00:44:25.000 He's got a flowing robe on, for those who are not seeing this.

00:44:29.000 And it's open chest down to his navel.

00:44:35.000 This is fucking a classic slice of time, man.

00:44:41.000 This is a classic moment, a captured...

00:44:44.000 A captured moment of a crazy time, man.

00:44:48.000 And it's in Zaire, you know that?

00:44:51.000 And there's no internet.

00:44:56.000 There's no TMZ. No CNN. And he's got a fucking thing on his belt that says G.F.O.S. Godfather of Soul.

00:45:20.000 Oh shit!

00:45:22.000 Deep!

00:45:23.000 Look at him!

00:45:27.000 Look at that fucking hair.

00:45:29.000 His singing style is fucking amazing.

00:45:31.000 Look at that.

00:45:34.000 Did you see him drop that split and catch that mic on his shoulder and jump up with it?

00:45:38.000 Didn't miss a fucking beat.

00:45:40.000 He's a master with that thing.

00:45:47.000 James Brown must have fucked everyone.

00:45:51.000 He must have fucked them all.

00:45:53.000 When I seen that, I told you, that is the hardest working man I've ever been.

00:45:56.000 God damn!

00:45:57.000 That was impressive as fuck.

00:46:00.000 And you look at that and you go, holy shit, how many people...

00:46:03.000 Who's doing that today, huh?

00:46:05.000 Nobody.

00:46:06.000 Nobody can fuck with that.

00:46:07.000 God damn!

00:46:09.000 That's your heart.

00:46:10.000 That's what it's all about, though.

00:46:12.000 Yeah.

00:46:13.000 Suck it, R. Kelly.

00:46:14.000 Suck it.

00:46:15.000 Well, he's bad to the bone in a different way.

00:46:16.000 That motherfucker's bad.

00:46:17.000 You gotta give him props, too.

00:46:19.000 Are you kidding?

00:46:19.000 I love R. Kelly.

00:46:20.000 My favorite black Canadian.

00:46:22.000 He learned that from James Brown, probably.

00:46:24.000 Nobody makes me laugh more than R. Kelly.

00:46:26.000 I've watched every video that he's ever made.

00:46:28.000 I have the whole series, The Trap in the Closet, on DVD. I got it on DVD. He made it put out a DVD of it.

00:46:38.000 It's so crazy!

00:46:39.000 It's like a window into madness, you know?

00:46:42.000 Oh, dude, there's a new song by Soulja Boy.

00:46:45.000 You turn off your mic, bro.

00:46:47.000 This, look, this right here.

00:46:48.000 This is the switch.

00:46:49.000 Check, check, there we go.

00:46:50.000 Rockstar, shut off his mic.

00:46:52.000 Hey, there's this new song that people are saying it's even worse than R. Kelly.

00:46:56.000 It's been so bad.

00:46:58.000 It's a brand new song by Soldier Boy called Pretty Boy.

00:47:01.000 Pretty Boy Soldier.

00:47:03.000 The video looks like it cost 700 bucks.

00:47:06.000 And the song and the lyrics are fucking hysterical.

00:47:10.000 It's just super bad.

00:47:12.000 I don't know if it's as bad as R. Kelly.

00:47:13.000 R. Kelly probably crushes it.

00:47:14.000 I don't think that could be a worse song than R. Kelly.

00:47:16.000 The thing about R. Kelly is it's not just bad.

00:47:19.000 It's just so much drama going on.

00:47:21.000 Bitches always be accusing me of shit I ain't doing.

00:47:24.000 And he's singing about it.

00:47:26.000 Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes.

00:47:30.000 Do you know what would be cool?

00:47:31.000 Is you covering it like they do on YouTube.

00:47:34.000 There's all these people that got the whole thing down.

00:47:37.000 There's kids that got it down.

00:47:39.000 I should learn it.

00:47:40.000 Have you seen these YouTube videos?

00:47:41.000 Yeah, well, I've seen them for other songs.

00:47:43.000 But that one's the most amazing one.

00:47:45.000 It has no rhyme or reason.

00:47:46.000 You know, to be able to memorize that song is a feat.

00:47:50.000 Oh, this is Pretty Boy Swag?

00:47:52.000 Yeah.

00:47:53.000 Have you heard this?

00:47:54.000 I don't really like it.

00:47:56.000 No, it's terrible.

00:47:56.000 It's one of the worst songs ever.

00:47:58.000 But you know what?

00:47:59.000 There's so many dumb people out there, and they need stuff too.

00:48:03.000 They need stuff that appeals to them.

00:48:05.000 There's people that you play them a good song that's complicated and deep.

00:48:08.000 You play them a whole lot of love, and they're not going to get it.

00:48:10.000 They're not going to get the song.

00:48:11.000 But they'll listen to that, and they're like, Hey, God, it's my favorite.

00:48:15.000 They need entertainment too.

00:48:19.000 I like that guy though, that Soulja Boy guy.

00:48:21.000 I like him.

00:48:22.000 Everything sounds so bad now.

00:48:24.000 You know what, man?

00:48:24.000 He's just having fun.

00:48:25.000 I like that he's having fun.

00:48:26.000 I like watching his Ustream videos.

00:48:28.000 He makes Ustream videos and he parties all the time.

00:48:30.000 It's fucking like this kid's having a blast, man.

00:48:32.000 He's driving around laughing and joking and talking about all the chicks he's banging.

00:48:36.000 I mean, he's wearing giant diamonds and shit.

00:48:39.000 I think he's having a good time.

00:48:40.000 I love it.

00:48:41.000 I like watching his Ustream show.

00:48:43.000 I don't like it.

00:48:44.000 I like that other song he had too.

00:48:46.000 What was the first song?

00:48:47.000 Superman?

00:48:48.000 Oh, yeah.

00:48:49.000 That's a good song.

00:48:50.000 That was a cool song.

00:48:51.000 Yeah, that's a good song.

00:48:52.000 Yeah.

00:48:52.000 People love that motherfucking song.

00:48:54.000 Yeah.

00:48:56.000 And he's young, too.

00:48:57.000 He's like 20 years old or something like that.

00:49:00.000 I mean, how do you expect him to act?

00:49:02.000 This is perfect.

00:49:02.000 I like what he's doing.

00:49:05.000 I think he's doing a great job.

00:49:06.000 He's keeping it friendly.

00:49:08.000 The video is very entertaining.

00:49:09.000 Even though it looks low budget, it's very entertaining to watch them dance around.

00:49:13.000 He's very smart.

00:49:14.000 He did that thing where he got a Say Now number.

00:49:17.000 Oh, I have a Say Now number, too.

00:49:18.000 But he did this thing where he got a Say Now number, and with his Say Now number, he put it on a song so everybody can call him.

00:49:26.000 My say now number is 818-237-4245.

00:49:30.000 My favorite is listening to your messages.

00:49:32.000 I don't really have anything to say, but keep it on.

00:49:36.000 What do you think about UFC 12?

00:49:37.000 Yeah, it's strange, right?

00:49:38.000 It's strange.

00:49:39.000 But it's cool because I've used it a couple times.

00:49:42.000 It's like a little conference call.

00:49:43.000 I used it going from the airport to the hotel.

00:49:46.000 I just call it.

00:49:47.000 I set it up.

00:49:49.000 And then it goes live.

00:49:50.000 It tweets that I'm going live.

00:49:51.000 And then people wait in line to talk.

00:49:53.000 And you have your own radio station.

00:49:55.000 You're taking callers.

00:49:56.000 Like, what's up, man?

00:49:56.000 And anybody could listen to those calls?

00:49:58.000 They're all listening.

00:49:58.000 Everyone's listening, yeah.

00:49:59.000 Anyone can listen to the calls.

00:50:00.000 And all the people that are waiting to talk to you, there's 100 people waiting, they're all listening.

00:50:05.000 So it's like a radio station.

00:50:06.000 It's like a 100-person radio station.

00:50:09.000 I, you know...

00:50:10.000 I was like giving people advice and talking to people about life and joking about fights coming up and joking about all kinds of different shit.

00:50:17.000 It's pretty badass.

00:50:18.000 Is it growing?

00:50:19.000 Is that like a new thing?

00:50:20.000 Yeah.

00:50:20.000 Well, that Soulja Boy dude, this is where I brought it up.

00:50:23.000 He got 2.2 million friends on Say Now.

00:50:27.000 2.2 million people following him.

00:50:29.000 God damn.

00:50:29.000 He can contact anytime he wants.

00:50:31.000 He can send them all voicemail.

00:50:33.000 That's what the Say Now thing does.

00:50:34.000 It alerts you when you get a voicemail.

00:50:35.000 So I'll put up a voicemail.

00:50:37.000 I'll leave a message for everybody like, you know, head to the fights.

00:50:39.000 Can't wait.

00:50:40.000 It's going to be fucking crazy.

00:50:42.000 I'm looking forward to this fight.

00:50:43.000 I'm looking forward to that fight.

00:50:44.000 And then I send it.

00:50:45.000 See you bitches later.

00:50:46.000 And then everybody gets a notification and then they can go listen to it.

00:50:50.000 You get contact.

00:50:51.000 It's even more direct than Twitter.

00:50:54.000 Pretty crazy shit, man.

00:50:55.000 Because people might miss your shit on Twitter.

00:50:56.000 How many people do you follow?

00:50:57.000 Do you follow a lot of people?

00:51:00.000 I don't know.

00:51:01.000 I follow like 600 people, I think.

00:51:03.000 Something silly like that.

00:51:04.000 Yeah, 676. Anytime someone says something remotely interesting, I'll click follow.

00:51:09.000 And I probably shouldn't have said that because now people are going to be asking me to follow them.

00:51:12.000 But when you do that, you get this endless stream on your homepage.

00:51:17.000 You can't even keep up with it.

00:51:18.000 There's so many new tweets.

00:51:20.000 It's constant.

00:51:22.000 You might lose cool shit that people say.

00:51:24.000 But if someone sends you one of these, you get it.

00:51:27.000 A lot of people follow a lot of people, right?

00:51:30.000 You guys don't follow a lot of people?

00:51:32.000 I do.

00:51:32.000 How many do you follow?

00:51:33.000 I don't remember, but I follow a lot.

00:51:35.000 Like 748. But I also delete a lot.

00:51:40.000 You get annoyed with people.

00:51:41.000 Yeah, it's super fast.

00:51:42.000 They tweet too much?

00:51:43.000 They tweet too much.

00:51:44.000 Did you delete Kevin Smith?

00:51:46.000 Yeah, I did.

00:51:47.000 I added him back on recently, though, because he doesn't do it as much.

00:51:51.000 Or, no, there's this new thing where you choose if you want the at replies or not on each profile.

00:51:55.000 Have you seen that?

00:51:56.000 No.

00:51:56.000 On Twitter, if you use Twitter on the website, now if you go to their profile, there's this little logo you can click on and say show at replies or turn it on or off.

00:52:05.000 So his problem was he was replying to all these fucking people and it was just clogging up my Twitter, but now I have this little button I push and I don't get any of it, so.

00:52:13.000 Well, I don't mind it.

00:52:15.000 I don't mind when people spam.

00:52:16.000 Let them talk.

00:52:17.000 Who do you like?

00:52:18.000 Whose tweets do you enjoy?

00:52:20.000 I love Kevin Smith.

00:52:22.000 That's one of the reasons why I brought it up.

00:52:23.000 I like how he talks to people.

00:52:28.000 Anthony Cumia from Opium Anthony didn't like it.

00:52:30.000 He's always fucking replying to everybody.

00:52:32.000 He tweets too much.

00:52:33.000 But I was like, I don't care.

00:52:35.000 That doesn't bother me.

00:52:36.000 I can look over that.

00:52:37.000 People are so impatient.

00:52:39.000 Can't look over, you know, six, seven lines of text and just scroll down that annoys you that much?

00:52:45.000 Well, no, no, because it clogs.

00:52:47.000 His problem is he would clog, it would be the whole page, and then you have to go to the second page, and then it's like...

00:52:52.000 Is it that hard to do?

00:52:53.000 It's annoying.

00:52:54.000 I know.

00:52:54.000 Why do I want to...

00:52:55.000 I mean, he's using it like he's spam.

00:52:57.000 If that was your email, you would be like, why is this guy spamming?

00:53:00.000 Well, he only does it every now and then for like a few minutes.

00:53:03.000 He does it a lot.

00:53:03.000 Does he do it too much?

00:53:04.000 Yeah, he does it a lot.

00:53:06.000 Slow down, Kevin.

00:53:07.000 Slow down.

00:53:08.000 I'm just saying I agree, but now it doesn't bother me because you can turn it off.

00:53:11.000 So now I follow him.

00:53:12.000 So that was just my only thing.

00:53:14.000 So you don't get none of his retweets?

00:53:16.000 No, none of his ads.

00:53:17.000 I want to see all the interaction, though.

00:53:19.000 Don't you want to see the interaction?

00:53:20.000 No, I'll just go to his page or something.

00:53:23.000 Okay.

00:53:24.000 Part of the fun for me, though, is watching people interact with people.

00:53:27.000 It's like there's a voyeuristic thing to it all.

00:53:29.000 I like watching porn stars talk to each other and celebrities talk to each other.

00:53:34.000 I like watching all that shit.

00:53:36.000 I like everything.

00:53:37.000 I'm watching just regular normal weirdos talk about different things.

00:53:41.000 I watch people getting douchey with each other.

00:53:43.000 It's fascinating.

00:53:44.000 It's like a little community.

00:53:47.000 Man, this fucking podcast lost energy.

00:53:49.000 Feel that shit?

00:53:51.000 It's hard doing two days in a row.

00:53:53.000 Oh, it's not.

00:53:54.000 It's not that hard.

00:53:55.000 It's like anything I want to talk about, I've already talked about.

00:53:57.000 I did the Tom Likens podcast last night.

00:53:59.000 Oh, he's doing a podcast now?

00:54:00.000 It wasn't him.

00:54:01.000 It was two of his guys, Dino and Gary.

00:54:03.000 Oh, okay.

00:54:04.000 And I talked to him for a little while.

00:54:06.000 It was kind of fun.

00:54:06.000 I'll see him tonight.

00:54:07.000 Tom Likens is done, huh?

00:54:08.000 I don't know.

00:54:09.000 I didn't ask.

00:54:09.000 I didn't know what.

00:54:10.000 It was always good to us.

00:54:11.000 Guy always hooked us up.

00:54:14.000 Whenever we needed to promote gigs, always had us on.

00:54:17.000 Always a nice guy.

00:54:18.000 They canceled the show?

00:54:19.000 Well, this whole radio station switched formats.

00:54:21.000 They went, I don't know what they went with, some hits, hits, top hits, shit.

00:54:26.000 You know, that whole talk radio thing, it didn't work out.

00:54:28.000 Yeah, it didn't work out.

00:54:29.000 Damn, it was around for like 15 years, 20 years solid, right?

00:54:32.000 It should have worked out.

00:54:33.000 It's the most entertaining thing to listen to on the radio, but people got tired of listening to the radio.

00:54:37.000 And that satellite radio came along, and so much freedom.

00:54:40.000 Commercials kill.

00:54:41.000 You can't fuck with Opie and Anthony, dude.

00:54:43.000 They have the best comics in the fucking country.

00:54:45.000 They go on all the time, and those guys go off.

00:54:48.000 You're not going to be able to keep up with that.

00:54:49.000 Some regular morning zoo radio station that's wacky.

00:54:52.000 If you want to listen to something funny in the morning and you have the option of Opie and Anthony or some morning fucking nonsense zoo that's all censored, you're not going to listen to them.

00:55:00.000 Dude, I use podcasts now.

00:55:02.000 I don't even need satellite radio because all podcasts are audible.

00:55:05.000 You can download Opie and Anthony every day on audible.

00:55:09.000 Well, dude, yeah.

00:55:09.000 A lot of people get this off of Audible.

00:55:11.000 They get this off of a bunch of different things.

00:55:13.000 You can put it on your iPhone, put it on your iPod, put it in your car, listen to it on the way to work.

00:55:18.000 That's what a lot of people are doing now.

00:55:19.000 I mean, that's the reason why this podcast is successful.

00:55:21.000 It's not like everybody's got the time to...

00:55:23.000 I think most of the people who are listening to this, this is like some background shit while they're working.

00:55:27.000 Totally.

00:55:28.000 So my background friends, we're here for you, baby.

00:55:31.000 All you people out there and regular people land.

00:55:35.000 Working shitty jobs.

00:55:36.000 Hey, Joe, do you know anything about the UFC being in 3D? Yeah, they've been filming in 3D for a while.

00:55:42.000 Do you know what they're going to do with that?

00:55:43.000 Do you have any idea?

00:55:44.000 Gotta talk to the boss.

00:55:45.000 I don't know.

00:55:47.000 They need to get on with that.

00:55:48.000 That'd be cool.

00:55:49.000 Yeah, I don't know what they're doing.

00:55:50.000 They've been filming it for a while, though.

00:55:54.000 Very nice.

00:55:55.000 That UFC card was fucking nasty.

00:55:56.000 Very nice.

00:55:58.000 Great card.

00:55:59.000 What do you think about your boy, Roy Nelson?

00:56:01.000 What do you think he should do?

00:56:03.000 Roy Nelson?

00:56:03.000 Should he lose weight?

00:56:04.000 Bro, he got hit 50 fucking times.

00:56:06.000 I mean, it's not like, you know, that guy stood in there.

00:56:09.000 That guy takes it.

00:56:10.000 You know, whatever he wants to do, he can take it.

00:56:11.000 Roy Nelson can take it.

00:56:12.000 He can take bombs.

00:56:14.000 No one's ever stood in there with Junior Dos Santos for three rounds like that.

00:56:17.000 Do you think Roy will ever get to the point where he just snaps and says, fucking, I'm just going to watch my diet.

00:56:23.000 I'm going to get in great shape.

00:56:24.000 I'm going to go down to 205. How did his diet affect him with those punches to the head?

00:56:28.000 Do you think they would have made a difference?

00:56:29.000 He might be able to move faster away from him.

00:56:32.000 I don't know.

00:56:32.000 What do you think?

00:56:33.000 Yeah, he would definitely be able to move better.

00:56:34.000 I mean, there's no way.

00:56:35.000 There's no way.

00:56:35.000 To be a champion, you have to be in the best shape of your life.

00:56:39.000 He's obviously not in the best shape of his life.

00:56:41.000 I know he likes to eat and all that stuff, but I'm thinking something eventually will make him snap.

00:56:46.000 He'll get shredded.

00:56:47.000 He'll be training like a fucking bad man.

00:56:49.000 I hope so.

00:56:50.000 I think if Roy Nelson was really in shape, an in-shape Roy Nelson is a bad motherfucker.

00:56:55.000 205, he would crush.

00:56:56.000 He's got some serious knockout power.

00:56:58.000 And his jiu-jitsu's awesome.

00:56:59.000 His jiu-jitsu's awesome.

00:57:00.000 And he's impressive.

00:57:01.000 He's got a lot of heart, man.

00:57:03.000 He's not afraid to fight anybody.

00:57:04.000 He can take it.

00:57:05.000 He's tough as fuck.

00:57:06.000 Yeah, he just needs to get in shape and enough with the belly.

00:57:09.000 That's all.

00:57:10.000 And what about my man Diablo Alves at 185?

00:57:12.000 There's something kind of cool about when that fucking big belly motherfucker knocks his senseless.

00:57:16.000 No, no.

00:57:16.000 I'm a huge fan of Roy Nelson.

00:57:18.000 I would just like to see him shredded.

00:57:20.000 That's my boy, Roy Rogers Nelson.

00:57:23.000 He's at Roy Rogers.

00:57:24.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:57:25.000 Roy Rogers.

00:57:25.000 The fucking roast beef place.

00:57:27.000 They used to have, like, Roy Rogers years ago.

00:57:30.000 Is there any news on Crow Cop at all?

00:57:33.000 You was on Krokov?

00:57:34.000 Where'd that come from?

00:57:35.000 The chat room.

00:57:37.000 Don't listen to them.

00:57:38.000 Those people are crazy.

00:57:39.000 I was looking for UFC questions.

00:57:40.000 They asked about Krokov.

00:57:42.000 No, don't listen to them.

00:57:42.000 I gave up on you chat people.

00:57:45.000 You Ustream chat fucks.

00:57:46.000 You win.

00:57:47.000 Okay, I got a question for you.

00:57:48.000 I can't read it.

00:57:49.000 Both of you guys.

00:57:49.000 In the rematch, how do you think it'll go down?

00:57:52.000 Silver Sun and 2. Shit, who knows, man.

00:57:55.000 I want to see it.

00:57:56.000 You had to guess.

00:57:58.000 I would never.

00:57:59.000 You know what?

00:57:59.000 I'm interested in seeing Vitor now.

00:58:01.000 I want to see what Vitor can do to Anderson.

00:58:04.000 I was thinking about a rematch for a while, which I would still love to see, because it was such a close fight.

00:58:09.000 But the reality is Anderson won.

00:58:11.000 He did tap him.

00:58:13.000 He won convincingly.

00:58:14.000 And the Vitor fight is an interesting situation.

00:58:18.000 I think I'd like to see that next.

00:58:20.000 Really?

00:58:20.000 What about you?

00:58:21.000 I'd like to see a rematch.

00:58:22.000 Either one would be fine with me.

00:58:24.000 I'd be fine with a rematch.

00:58:26.000 I would love to see a rematch.

00:58:27.000 And I would love to see the Vitor fight.

00:58:29.000 I would like to see him against a different guy.

00:58:31.000 I think we have Anderson for only a certain amount of fights more.

00:58:34.000 I want to make sure that the Vitor fight actually does happen.

00:58:37.000 And if they set it up now, it can actually happen.

00:58:40.000 I think that's a big fight.

00:58:41.000 If Dana decided to go with Silva, Son in two, how do you think that would go down?

00:58:46.000 I think Silva would fuck him up.

00:58:48.000 Quicker?

00:58:49.000 At the end?

00:58:49.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:58:51.000 I think so, maybe.

00:58:52.000 Now he'd really work.

00:58:53.000 Hey man, like I was telling Jody the other night on the phone, you predicted all this shit.

00:58:56.000 And the last two big fights, they were arm bars, you know, Fedor and this guy went down at the last minute, you know.

00:59:03.000 This is the only sport that if you really watch UFC 4 and you watch, you see the evolution.

00:59:09.000 And it evolves so quickly.

00:59:11.000 It's not like baseball where they had like sand gloves in 2000 or something.

00:59:15.000 Yeah.

00:59:16.000 I mean, it's evolved so much.

00:59:17.000 And these fighters are the top-level fighters.

00:59:20.000 They evolve also.

00:59:21.000 They evolve also.

00:59:22.000 That's the only way to stay at the top level, you know, is to evolve also.

00:59:25.000 So, and Silva, you know, I don't think he, guys, everybody keeps saying he pulled this out of his ass, you know.

00:59:31.000 Oh, he didn't pull it out of his ass.

00:59:32.000 He didn't pull it out of his ass.

00:59:33.000 You don't pull triangles out of your ass.

00:59:35.000 You pull punches.

00:59:36.000 I mean, if you wing a wild punch and a guy runs into it and you're like, wow, what are the odds that that landed?

00:59:41.000 That I could see being kind of wild, but still I don't think that's wild because you were intending to punch the guy in the face.

00:59:46.000 If you intend to punch the guy in the face and you do, how is that lucky?

00:59:49.000 That's not lucky.

00:59:50.000 That's silly.

00:59:51.000 It's not like just because you got caught and you can't say, oh, he got you with a lucky punch.

00:59:55.000 No, he fucking punched you in the head.

00:59:57.000 He wanted to punch you and that's what he did.

00:59:59.000 How is that lucky?

01:00:00.000 And it was also a great day.

01:00:01.000 You can't have a lucky triangle.

01:00:02.000 You know, when they started the UFC, I know that one of the guys, the Gracies, their point was to go jujitsu against any other style.

01:00:11.000 To prove to the world that jujitsu could go up against any other style.

01:00:14.000 And that night, that really came back to fruition again.

01:00:18.000 Well, it did, but it was disproven in the fight before.

01:00:21.000 See, what was important was that Anderson was able to do something when he got put in a bad situation.

01:00:25.000 But look at Damian Maia.

01:00:27.000 When Damian Maia was trying to get a hold of Anderson, jujitsu certainly wasn't the answer.

01:00:30.000 No.

01:00:31.000 Because he needed to be able to close the distance and get a takedown.

01:00:33.000 Until he gets that takedown, his jujitsu is not going to work for him.

01:00:37.000 It's worthless.

01:00:37.000 So that's what we saw in that fight.

01:00:40.000 But what we saw with a killer like Anderson, a guy who's such a killer striker, He's got to be dangerous off his back.

01:00:45.000 And that's one of the beautiful things about Anderson.

01:00:47.000 He is.

01:00:47.000 That's why he's getting killed.

01:00:48.000 And one thing I grabbed, because I grabbed the good and the bad.

01:00:50.000 Chael Sonnen is a bad motherfucker, and I applaud you, dawg.

01:00:53.000 You went in there all nice and cute.

01:00:55.000 He left there looking like Eddie Munster.

01:00:56.000 Did you see him looking just like Eddie Munster?

01:00:58.000 He gets ugly in every fight he fights.

01:01:00.000 But bro, that guy fought his heart.

01:01:01.000 Yeah, I was impressed as hell.

01:01:03.000 Yeah, man.

01:01:03.000 He was right there.

01:01:04.000 I would love to see that rematch.

01:01:05.000 I would not be sad either way.

01:01:08.000 I mean, I would not be upset one way or another.

01:01:10.000 Either one I'm really looking forward to.

01:01:11.000 I just thought that while Anderson is young, you know, or relatively young, I mean, I don't know how many more years he's going to want to do this.

01:01:17.000 I want to see him fight all kinds of people.

01:01:19.000 You know, I want to see him fight Hector Lombard.

01:01:20.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:01:21.000 I want to see him fight some interesting dudes who are fighting in other places.

01:01:24.000 John Jones!

01:01:25.000 John Jones!

01:01:27.000 That's the one.

01:01:28.000 Fuck yeah.

01:01:29.000 Are you kidding me?

01:01:29.000 That's the one.

01:01:29.000 Why are we riding from this?

01:01:31.000 And I don't have a problem with the Chael Sonnen rematch.

01:01:33.000 If they decide to do that, I would love that too.

01:01:35.000 Either one.

01:01:36.000 Either one's good.

01:01:37.000 Chael Sonnen and Jon Jones.

01:01:38.000 Good googly moogly.

01:01:40.000 Jesus Christ.

01:01:41.000 Good googly moogly.

01:01:42.000 Get Silva on the line right now.

01:01:43.000 Yeah, but you know what?

01:01:44.000 Chael Sonnen is not fighting at 205. He's always 185. I mean, I guess he could go up, but he never has before, right?

01:01:50.000 I mean, maybe he's fought earlier fights at 205. I don't remember them, though.

01:01:54.000 He was fighting into WEC at 185. So WEC 185 and UFC 185, I don't think he's ever missed weight.

01:02:01.000 Has he missed weight?

01:02:03.000 Not that I can recall.

01:02:04.000 So there's no reason to, I mean, Anderson had some fights at 205, liked to go up there.

01:02:10.000 I guess Chael could do it, too, though.

01:02:11.000 He probably walks around pretty heavy, right?

01:02:15.000 Jon Jones is a scary motherfucker, though.

01:02:17.000 That's a scary dog.

01:02:18.000 They just got him there in a cage right now.

01:02:20.000 They don't even know when they're going to let him out.

01:02:22.000 They might let him out on New Year's.

01:02:24.000 They might let him out for the Thanksgiving thing.

01:02:26.000 They don't even know when they're going to let him out.

01:02:27.000 They might as well just give him a title shot right away as soon as possible.

01:02:30.000 Why fuck around?

01:02:32.000 Why fuck around?

01:02:33.000 He wants to develop.

01:02:34.000 He wants to be the greatest of all time.

01:02:36.000 He wants to develop.

01:02:37.000 So he doesn't want a title shot.

01:02:38.000 Is that what you're saying?

01:02:38.000 No, he doesn't want a title shot.

01:02:40.000 He doesn't?

01:02:40.000 No, Greg Jackson is the guy who guides him, right?

01:02:43.000 Greg Jackson said to me that what he wants to do is make sure that he's tested.

01:02:46.000 Before he fights for the title, he wants him to really be tested and really to get worn on.

01:02:51.000 Greg Jackson's a smart guy.

01:02:53.000 He's a smart man.

01:02:54.000 He's a smart tactician.

01:02:55.000 He got tested at 205. He ran through Brandon Vera, Matt Hamill, and Vladimir.

01:03:00.000 Those are some serious tests.

01:03:00.000 Those are some tests, right.

01:03:02.000 But he hasn't been put in an adverse situation.

01:03:04.000 That's what he means by testing.

01:03:05.000 Because he's that good.

01:03:05.000 Right, but he wants to set him up with someone who may test him.

01:03:09.000 Who are the top 10 guys at 205 that could probably work him right now?

01:03:13.000 I don't know if anybody could work him.

01:03:15.000 I think he might be able to beat Shogun.

01:03:17.000 I think he might be able to win the title.

01:03:19.000 I think he's incredibly talented.

01:03:22.000 I could see Shogun catching him.

01:03:23.000 Who knows?

01:03:24.000 Shogun's really good off his back, too.

01:03:26.000 Shogun can dive on some leg locks and shit.

01:03:28.000 He doesn't fuck around.

01:03:29.000 Shogun's a bad motherfucker everywhere.

01:03:31.000 But Jon Jones is a special athlete, man.

01:03:34.000 He's got something.

01:03:35.000 He's got something.

01:03:35.000 The way he does it is just so confident and he's got an aura about him, you know, to use the Hicks and Gracie term.

01:03:41.000 There's some shit that Jon Jones is doing.

01:03:43.000 He's got a very rare ability to look impressive against everybody.

01:03:47.000 And he's super duper ultra cool.

01:03:51.000 That guy is so nice.

01:03:53.000 I mean, he's just like the coolest dude.

01:03:55.000 Coolest, friendliest.

01:03:56.000 He's down to earth.

01:03:57.000 He's intelligent.

01:03:58.000 The opposite of a douche.

01:03:59.000 Yeah, the opposite.

01:04:00.000 And he doesn't have a burden.

01:04:02.000 Douchebags have a burden.

01:04:03.000 They're always hating themselves.

01:04:05.000 They're hating themselves for the way they treat other people.

01:04:06.000 They hate themselves for the way they live their life.

01:04:08.000 They hate themselves for all the negative energy they've created, all the negative energy from their childhood, all that shit.

01:04:13.000 So they just...

01:04:14.000 Everywhere they go, that wears you out, man.

01:04:17.000 It might motivate you to a certain extent, but when it comes to the long race, when you don't have time for ego and bullshit, and it's all about who can race to greatness faster, the guys who have the best personalities get there better.

01:04:29.000 They get their cleaner.

01:04:30.000 A guy like Fedor, you know?

01:04:32.000 Fedor has some doubters, but I don't know about any haters.

01:04:34.000 You know, who hates Fedor?

01:04:36.000 How can you hate that guy?

01:04:37.000 He looks like a fucking dishwasher repairman and knocks dude senseless, you know?

01:04:41.000 And he doesn't talk shit ever.

01:04:43.000 He doesn't talk shit ever, and he doesn't even get upset when he loses.

01:04:45.000 When he loses, he's gracious.

01:04:47.000 He's a gentleman.

01:04:47.000 He doesn't lose for 10 years.

01:04:48.000 He loses, and he says, you know, those who do not fall down do not stand, or something like that.

01:04:54.000 You know, some...

01:04:55.000 He said it more eloquently.

01:04:57.000 It's like he gained something from it.

01:05:00.000 He needed that loss for character.

01:05:03.000 Who knows how he's going to come out in the next fight with something to prove.

01:05:06.000 Just like BJ. Anytime BJ loses, he always comes back on fire.

01:05:10.000 They're not fucking doing Fedor and Overeem.

01:05:13.000 They're not doing that fight.

01:05:14.000 They're doing Fedor and Bigfoot.

01:05:16.000 Or Overeem and Bigfoot, rather.

01:05:19.000 Overeem?

01:05:20.000 Who are they giving Fedor?

01:05:21.000 I don't know, man.

01:05:23.000 They don't know if they're going to do a rematch or not.

01:05:25.000 But I want to see that Overeem-Feador fight.

01:05:27.000 That's what I want to see.

01:05:28.000 That's the fight I want to see.

01:05:29.000 I want to see Verdun fight Overeem again for the title, for sure, because Verdun beat him in pride.

01:05:34.000 But I want to see Overeem-Feador.

01:05:37.000 That's the fucking fight, man.

01:05:41.000 That's a good fucking fight, son.

01:05:43.000 A real quick shout-out to Matt Horwich.

01:05:45.000 He's fighting Tyler Slatis this Saturday in Irvine.

01:05:50.000 I think it's called War on the Mainland or something like that.

01:05:53.000 But the main fight is Tim Sylvia versus Paul Buontello.

01:05:58.000 Matt Horwich took the fight against Tyler Slatis on short notice, but he's always in shape.

01:06:03.000 His jiu-jitsu is awesome.

01:06:05.000 It's going to be a great fight.

01:06:07.000 I want to give a shout-out to a kid, Patrick, from Twitter.

01:06:09.000 It's his birthday today.

01:06:11.000 He's a good man.

01:06:12.000 He tweeted me and asked me.

01:06:13.000 He said his kid had the same birthday as Rogan.

01:06:16.000 If we could give him a shout-out.

01:06:17.000 Happy birthday, Patrick.

01:06:18.000 I think Hulk Hogan's birthday's today, too.

01:06:20.000 That fucking look.

01:06:21.000 Hey, it's a time for a word from our sponsor.

01:06:24.000 No, it's not.

01:06:25.000 Yes, it is.

01:06:26.000 The Fleshlight.

01:06:27.000 We're back, bitches.

01:06:28.000 Look at this.

01:06:29.000 Here's something the Fleshlight gave me that we talked about yesterday.

01:06:32.000 I don't want you to talk about that shit.

01:06:34.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:06:36.000 Now, why would they give you this?

01:06:38.000 For folks that are only listening, this is a limp rubber dick.

01:06:41.000 It's not real.

01:06:42.000 A pink, limp rubber dick that's made out of the same material that the fleshlight's made out of.

01:06:46.000 It's funny because they sell it like something to put on your coffee table as a gag.

01:06:50.000 Is that what they say?

01:06:50.000 What is it for?

01:06:52.000 It's just for fun.

01:06:53.000 To make you feel uncomfortable that you just held a dick in front of a man.

01:06:56.000 It's like bachelorette parties.

01:06:57.000 I was stroking it yesterday while we were talking.

01:07:00.000 Just sit there like a porn star, beating off, having a conversation.

01:07:04.000 Yeah, I used to wrestle.

01:07:05.000 They ain't fucking around over at a fleshlight.

01:07:08.000 No, they're not fucking around, man.

01:07:09.000 Did they make the green one for you?

01:07:10.000 They got a solid product.

01:07:11.000 Avatar one?

01:07:11.000 No, it's blue.

01:07:12.000 Avatar was blue, Joey Diaz.

01:07:14.000 Did you see Avatar?

01:07:15.000 No.

01:07:15.000 God, you missed it.

01:07:16.000 I got time for that shit.

01:07:16.000 I just watched Kick-Ass.

01:07:18.000 Wasn't that great?

01:07:19.000 Did you like it?

01:07:19.000 It was 20 minutes too long, but the girl stole the fucking movie.

01:07:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:22.000 I love that girl.

01:07:23.000 It was a good movie.

01:07:24.000 It was 20 minutes too long.

01:07:25.000 I watched Bullet the other night.

01:07:26.000 What?

01:07:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:27.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:07:28.000 That's good, too.

01:07:29.000 Steve McQueen is always an animal.

01:07:30.000 It's crazy looking at San Francisco in the 1960s, 1968. There's nobody on the road.

01:07:36.000 You know, you're just driving.

01:07:37.000 It's like easy.

01:07:38.000 You're on the highway, you're just driving.

01:07:40.000 Just driving.

01:07:41.000 You don't realize how much the population has increased until you watch a movie from the 60s.

01:07:46.000 You see New York in a 1950s movie, The Hustler.

01:07:50.000 There's not that many cars.

01:07:52.000 Everybody's just driving around.

01:07:53.000 No problems.

01:07:54.000 Now we just take it for granted that anywhere you go there's gonna be a city, there's gonna be too many fucking people, too many cars, you're not gonna be able to get anywhere.

01:08:01.000 But at one point in time, that wasn't the case.

01:08:03.000 When they first made cities, like, why would everybody live together in this one thing?

01:08:06.000 Well, because when there's not that many people and you can drive around, it's really pretty fucking cool.

01:08:11.000 A New York City with no traffic?

01:08:12.000 That would be the shit.

01:08:14.000 It'd be boring.

01:08:15.000 I hate New York.

01:08:17.000 Wouldn't it?

01:08:18.000 Why would it be boring?

01:08:19.000 There wouldn't be that many people.

01:08:21.000 Well, there would still be plenty of people.

01:08:22.000 You're still going to have some traffic.

01:08:24.000 You're just not going to have the kind of traffic that you have now where it takes you half an hour to get across town, at least.

01:08:29.000 It can take you hours to get around New York.

01:08:31.000 When it's around rush hour, it can take you forever to get out of the city.

01:08:34.000 To get to Long Island, to get across the...

01:08:35.000 It's a fucking nightmare.

01:08:37.000 It's a nightmare.

01:08:38.000 There's too many fucking people.

01:08:39.000 I swear to people.

01:08:40.000 It's an ongoing subject in this podcast.

01:08:42.000 There's no answers.

01:08:44.000 That's the unfortunate problem.

01:08:44.000 Here's the answers.

01:08:45.000 You just have to move out of LA or big cities.

01:08:47.000 In Columbus, Ohio, it was always one mile, one minute, or better.

01:08:51.000 Here, it's like 15 minutes per mile is the average or something retarded like that.

01:08:56.000 Yeah, but the people, let's be honest, it's more fun here, right?

01:09:01.000 Well, the weather's better.

01:09:02.000 The weather's better?

01:09:03.000 And for what we do, it's better here.

01:09:04.000 Yeah, but don't you think, like, people-wise, you run into more interesting people out here than in Columbus?

01:09:10.000 Well, you just don't hang out with retards.

01:09:11.000 Like, any city, there's cool people.

01:09:13.000 Like, you've met some of my friends from Columbus.

01:09:15.000 You know, we all hung out.

01:09:16.000 They were all cool people.

01:09:17.000 Yeah, no, they seem like nice guys.

01:09:18.000 Yeah, they're down-to-earth people.

01:09:20.000 Where do you think is the...

01:09:21.000 But don't you think, like, there's certain parts of the country where people are more interesting per capita?

01:09:26.000 Well, just because you have more people.

01:09:28.000 Texas is awesome.

01:09:29.000 Texas is one of my favorite places ever because it's huge.

01:09:31.000 It's like a big city.

01:09:32.000 People say that it's because there's more people, but I also think that when you get a lot of people together like in New York and any big city like that, just the sheer competition.

01:09:40.000 There's so many people in there.

01:09:42.000 Everybody's moving fast.

01:09:44.000 Everybody's got to keep up with everybody else.

01:09:46.000 No one is a faster thinker or faster talker than East Coast people.

01:09:51.000 Like New Jersey, New York.

01:09:52.000 Oh, they're angry.

01:09:53.000 That angry hustle competition sort of a...

01:09:56.000 Right, Joey?

01:09:57.000 Don't you think?

01:09:58.000 New Yorkers...

01:09:58.000 No one's more aggressive than New Yorkers.

01:10:00.000 There's aggressive people, but they're real aggressive in New York.

01:10:03.000 You gotta fucking go in New York.

01:10:04.000 Yeah, you gotta go.

01:10:05.000 People don't go like this in New York.

01:10:06.000 You gotta stop sign.

01:10:08.000 Yeah.

01:10:08.000 You know how they do here?

01:10:09.000 Like, no, you go.

01:10:12.000 You fucking moron, I gotta get to the weed store.

01:10:15.000 What the fuck is wrong with you?

01:10:17.000 You know, that shit don't make, you know.

01:10:19.000 There's just a lot of things I see that you look at and you're like, this shit wouldn't fucking fly.

01:10:23.000 No.

01:10:24.000 This just wouldn't fly.

01:10:24.000 The other day, some guy in front of my, just pulled in front of my house and got out of the car.

01:10:28.000 And three people were behind him beeping.

01:10:30.000 I went upstairs and got my police badge and said, move the fucking car, bitch.

01:10:34.000 And he fucking moved, you know.

01:10:36.000 But it's like, I don't like that part of it.

01:10:39.000 Like, you gotta go.

01:10:39.000 Go, bro.

01:10:40.000 What's all this chitter chat?

01:10:41.000 When you have really good weather and really good conditions and things are easy, it tends to make you a bit soft.

01:10:48.000 And that's what I think.

01:10:49.000 I think there's a lot of people that grow up out here, you know, like a lot of chads, you know?

01:10:54.000 You know the type of guy I'm talking about.

01:10:56.000 Like, there's like a softness.

01:10:58.000 They don't have to deal with, like, harsh winters.

01:11:00.000 They don't have to deal with, you know, the craziness that the Northeast has to deal with.

01:11:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:11:08.000 I think people think faster in the East Coast.

01:11:10.000 In general.

01:11:13.000 Oh, you gotta fucking think, you see.

01:11:15.000 Look at that thing.

01:11:15.000 I watched, did you see that interview with William Chatner?

01:11:18.000 He interviewed Bernard Goetz?

01:11:20.000 Yeah.

01:11:20.000 Did you see that?

01:11:21.000 No.

01:11:21.000 Is that on his show?

01:11:22.000 Very interesting.

01:11:23.000 I heard Bernie Goetz used to be on Opie and Anthony all the time.

01:11:26.000 He's crazy.

01:11:26.000 He just shot four motherfuckers for just insinuating.

01:11:30.000 But he proved them right.

01:11:31.000 He said, they like, how'd you know he was gonna mug them?

01:11:33.000 Well, look at 20 years later.

01:11:34.000 Three out of the four are in prison.

01:11:37.000 Well, it could be because he shot them and fucked their head up.

01:11:40.000 He shot those motherfuckers.

01:11:42.000 One was crawling and he went over and pulled the fucking trigger.

01:11:44.000 He was out of bullets.

01:11:46.000 Did you see the fucking interviews he gave afterward?

01:11:49.000 No.

01:11:49.000 He told the New York Times that mothers should have had abortions.

01:11:53.000 Listen, you don't talk like that before you go to sentencing.

01:11:56.000 Wow.

01:11:56.000 That's the shit you say from behind bars.

01:11:58.000 He was a stern guy.

01:12:00.000 But I think about that guy when I think about New York.

01:12:03.000 He said I ain't even giving him the opportunity.

01:12:05.000 He's out of jail?

01:12:06.000 Out of jail.

01:12:07.000 How long has he been out of jail?

01:12:08.000 A long time?

01:12:09.000 He got thrown out of jail.

01:12:11.000 It happened in 82. He got thrown out?

01:12:13.000 Did he go to jail?

01:12:14.000 What happened was he made bold statements afterwards.

01:12:16.000 His attorneys were like, shut the fuck up, guy.

01:12:18.000 So they prosecuted him for something else.

01:12:21.000 I forget the story now.

01:12:22.000 If you look it up, they prosecuted him for something else.

01:12:24.000 But he was a hero and a scapegoat.

01:12:27.000 They just don't want to encourage people to be carrying guns.

01:12:29.000 Right, to be vigilantes.

01:12:30.000 But the problem is, man...

01:12:34.000 But I look at that guy.

01:12:35.000 What do you do, though?

01:12:36.000 Anthony from Opie and Anthony, he's got a carry.

01:12:38.000 He carries a pistol.

01:12:39.000 They don't talk about it on the radio.

01:12:41.000 I guess the station doesn't like bringing it up.

01:12:44.000 But he's got a fucking gun on him.

01:12:46.000 You have to.

01:12:47.000 He's got a carry pit permit.

01:12:49.000 You rat.

01:12:49.000 You have to.

01:12:50.000 You have to.

01:12:51.000 In Texas, you can carry a gun with you, right?

01:12:53.000 Yeah.

01:12:54.000 It's way better...

01:12:55.000 To have it when you need it.

01:12:57.000 You just gotta get a license.

01:12:58.000 I'm a firm believer.

01:13:00.000 I carried a gun for years and fucking bad guns and hot guns.

01:13:04.000 And I tell you what, and this is what I tell people all the time, you carry a gun, you carry a knife, you attract that energy.

01:13:10.000 Next time you get into a beef, somebody's gonna have a knife.

01:13:12.000 I never carried a knife again.

01:13:14.000 Nobody ever attacked me with a knife.

01:13:15.000 I got attacked with a knife in Aspen, Colorado.

01:13:17.000 Really?

01:13:18.000 And I picked up a fucking pipe.

01:13:19.000 But if I wouldn't have slipped the way I did, that guy would have cut me.

01:13:23.000 I picked up a pipe and hit him across the fucking leg with it.

01:13:25.000 But he had like a little fucking...

01:13:27.000 Where were you attacked?

01:13:28.000 Were you hanging him behind like a strip club at 3 in the morning?

01:13:31.000 No, I was at a gas station.

01:13:31.000 I was at a gas station.

01:13:32.000 And the guy was fixing my car like a big garage place.

01:13:36.000 And the guy thought I had said something to him.

01:13:38.000 I'm like, I didn't say anything to you.

01:13:39.000 My car is right here.

01:13:40.000 He's like, no, no.

01:13:40.000 You cut me off before.

01:13:42.000 I've been here for two hours.

01:13:43.000 He was just looking for somebody to stab.

01:13:45.000 Yeah, he was just a little crazy.

01:13:46.000 Jesus Christ.

01:13:47.000 So he pulled the knife out.

01:13:49.000 He went like this, and I moved back.

01:13:50.000 And when I moved back, there was a pipe on the fucking...

01:13:52.000 You know those pipes for wiring?

01:13:54.000 They were redoing the place.

01:13:56.000 And I slipped, and I picked up the fucking pipe.

01:13:58.000 But I always remembered that when I carried a gun, everywhere I would go, people had fucking guns.

01:14:03.000 I'd go to buy a gram of coke.

01:14:05.000 The motherfucker had a gun.

01:14:06.000 What are the odds?

01:14:07.000 Once I stopped...

01:14:10.000 Are you sure that wasn't a dream?

01:14:11.000 A coke dealer with a gun?

01:14:12.000 Wait a minute.

01:14:13.000 Once I stopped...

01:14:14.000 One time I heard a bullet go off one night when I had a gun.

01:14:17.000 20 feet by me, the guy shot another guy at a club.

01:14:21.000 I was a kid, and I remember hearing that fucking thing, and I stopped with guns.

01:14:25.000 How old were you?

01:14:27.000 24, maybe?

01:14:28.000 Yeah.

01:14:29.000 But I never, ever carried.

01:14:30.000 After I got caught for the machine gun with the kidnapping, I never bore a gun.

01:14:35.000 Was the last time?

01:14:36.000 That was a good last time, though.

01:14:38.000 Yeah, machine gun.

01:14:39.000 Yeah, you went out kidnapping somebody.

01:14:42.000 With a machine gun.

01:14:43.000 Fuck yeah, no fucking around.

01:14:45.000 I wonder what you got, bitch.

01:14:46.000 Did you have the things over your, like, with the ammo?

01:14:48.000 No, no.

01:14:49.000 I give up.

01:14:50.000 You know what?

01:14:51.000 That's the ultimate shit you could tell somebody.

01:14:53.000 You know what I mean?

01:14:54.000 Get some instant respect.

01:14:56.000 Tell them you were arrested for kidnapping and you had a machine gun.

01:15:00.000 Damn, that's deep.

01:15:01.000 You don't want to fuck with that dude.

01:15:03.000 That's the way to get out of a wedding.

01:15:05.000 Absolutely.

01:15:06.000 That's the way to get out of a lot of things.

01:15:07.000 Trust me.

01:15:09.000 I got something to tell you.

01:15:10.000 But that's the thing.

01:15:11.000 When you carry your weapon, you better be prepared to fucking carry that weapon.

01:15:14.000 I tell that to people all the time.

01:15:16.000 People are like, bro, I'm thinking of getting a gun.

01:15:17.000 Bitch, before you take that gun out, You better think twice.

01:15:21.000 Is it possible?

01:15:22.000 Here's the question.

01:15:23.000 Is it possible for human beings to ever evolve past this?

01:15:27.000 Is it possible for people to ever evolve past violence and bullshit and lies and hate?

01:15:33.000 Is it possible?

01:15:34.000 Or do we need it?

01:15:35.000 We need it because it fuels.

01:15:38.000 It makes you appreciate love more.

01:15:40.000 It makes you struggle more.

01:15:41.000 It makes the competition greater.

01:15:43.000 You always say, think about what's going on.

01:15:46.000 Think about that a half a world away.

01:15:48.000 Everybody's got a machine gun shooting at each other right now.

01:15:51.000 You could be walking in Israel and fucking on a bus going home and somebody comes up and says, fuck the Jews!

01:15:57.000 And they fucking pull a switch and there you are.

01:15:59.000 But on a smaller scale, if people can be...

01:16:03.000 Is it just a certain amount?

01:16:04.000 Is it a certain number?

01:16:05.000 Is it like, after a certain number, you can't be friends with everybody?

01:16:09.000 I mean, how the fuck do wars get started?

01:16:11.000 I mean, it doesn't get started with a group as small as us, right?

01:16:14.000 It's not four people.

01:16:15.000 So, if four people can get along, what are the numbers?

01:16:19.000 What are the numbers where everybody can have a good, healthy community?

01:16:21.000 I think every 20 people, there's one bad motherfucker.

01:16:25.000 You think so?

01:16:26.000 But if you can get rid of them, what's a manageable size?

01:16:29.000 Like, if you wanted to start a tribe, all your own people, what's a manageable size where everybody can be cool with each other?

01:16:35.000 Nobody's going to have any problems with each other.

01:16:37.000 We're all going to be friendly.

01:16:38.000 Everyone's going to be right.

01:16:39.000 Two?

01:16:41.000 One.

01:16:41.000 One and a cat.

01:16:42.000 One and a cat.

01:16:43.000 One and a cat in a fleshlight.

01:16:46.000 It's impossible?

01:16:47.000 Listen man, in drama sometimes you need it.

01:16:51.000 I think so too.

01:16:52.000 Change, there's an expression I can't remember right now, that fucking joint kill.

01:16:56.000 I've said this before and it sounds crazy, but I think it's all a mathematical equation.

01:17:00.000 I think everything you do in this life, all the people you come in contact with, all your actions, all your emotions...

01:17:06.000 It's all part of a giant equation, and everybody's equation is piling up together.

01:17:11.000 Everybody's numbers, everybody what you're doing is affecting me, what I'm doing is affecting him.

01:17:15.000 We're all doing it together, and we're working towards some fucking crazy goal that we just can't see.

01:17:21.000 I believe that.

01:17:23.000 Me too.

01:17:24.000 Didn't Zeus, wasn't Zeus the god of war?

01:17:26.000 What was the mythology?

01:17:28.000 Zeus?

01:17:29.000 Well, Thor was the god of thunder.

01:17:31.000 Zeus was the god of war?

01:17:32.000 One of those guys sent his son.

01:17:34.000 He was a bad motherfucker.

01:17:35.000 The grand pupa.

01:17:37.000 One of those guys sent their son down to see what was going on.

01:17:40.000 And this motherfucker came back and they talked about war, all the damage this guy had done, his son.

01:17:45.000 And when he went to Zeus and he asked his son, what the fuck is going on?

01:17:49.000 What are you doing?

01:17:50.000 What are you chopping these heads off?

01:17:52.000 He says, without war there's no change.

01:17:54.000 Is that what it is?

01:17:55.000 Something to do with it.

01:17:57.000 Yeah.

01:17:58.000 But the question is, can we evolve past this?

01:18:00.000 The problem is you look at the numbers.

01:18:02.000 You look at sustainability, like just the sheer numbers of human beings, and then you look at the amount of space that we have, and you've got to think, if we're at like six or seven billion now, what's going to happen when it's 20 billion?

01:18:13.000 What's going to happen when it's 80 billion?

01:18:15.000 Well, there's a shitload of land, though.

01:18:18.000 So there's tons and tons of land.

01:18:20.000 If you just go to Ohio, there's just...

01:18:23.000 Millions and millions of acres of land.

01:18:24.000 So you think everybody's just moved to Ohio?

01:18:26.000 I'm just saying there's a lot of states out there, like South Dakota and stuff like that.

01:18:31.000 There's just fucking land everywhere.

01:18:32.000 And who's growing their food?

01:18:35.000 Mexico.

01:18:36.000 Where are they getting their meat?

01:18:37.000 Mexico.

01:18:37.000 Oh, Mexico.

01:18:38.000 Japan.

01:18:40.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.

01:18:42.000 That's what I worry about.

01:18:43.000 That's the kind of shit that fills my head up every day.

01:18:45.000 Stop thinking about it.

01:18:46.000 Get drunk.

01:18:47.000 We've got to get you some Merlot, man.

01:18:48.000 Take away your weed and take away your Merlot.

01:18:50.000 It's your birthday.

01:18:51.000 We've got to start drinking.

01:18:52.000 Let's have some shots.

01:18:53.000 It's your birthday.

01:18:54.000 Where's your jack?

01:18:55.000 Let's have some shots.

01:18:56.000 You got tequila?

01:18:56.000 I've got to drive.

01:18:57.000 I'm not really into drinking, just hanging around with a bunch of men.

01:18:59.000 It's your birthday.

01:19:01.000 Come on.

01:19:01.000 We'll go in the tank together.

01:19:02.000 It's your birthday.

01:19:03.000 I'm not looking for birthday shots.

01:19:05.000 Thank you, though.

01:19:05.000 Appreciate it.

01:19:06.000 How about birthday high fives?

01:19:08.000 What are you doing tonight?

01:19:08.000 What are you doing tonight, dog?

01:19:11.000 I'm going out.

01:19:12.000 Are you?

01:19:12.000 With everybody?

01:19:13.000 The Olive Garden?

01:19:14.000 Olive Garden, huh?

01:19:16.000 Going to the Olive Garden?

01:19:17.000 It's my favorite.

01:19:19.000 When you're there, you're family.

01:19:21.000 No, you didn't say it right, bitch.

01:19:22.000 Say it the right way.

01:19:23.000 When you're here, you're family!

01:19:25.000 Hey!

01:19:27.000 There was that show that used to be on Sirius, the Wise Guy show.

01:19:29.000 You remember that show?

01:19:30.000 I never heard it.

01:19:31.000 I have the heart to hear that show.

01:19:32.000 It was that for two hours.

01:19:34.000 It's not even on no more?

01:19:35.000 Hey, let's go to York.

01:19:36.000 No, they don't have it anymore.

01:19:37.000 They don't have it anymore.

01:19:38.000 Part of it made me nostalgic.

01:19:41.000 Part of it made me remember all these idiots that I knew back in New York.

01:19:46.000 Very, very specific part of the country, huh?

01:19:48.000 Very specific.

01:19:50.000 It's going to be interesting.

01:19:51.000 UFC is in Boston.

01:19:52.000 There you go.

01:19:52.000 That's what we're going to talk about.

01:19:53.000 I was going to ask you about this.

01:19:54.000 What do you think so far?

01:19:56.000 BJ and fucking Frankie Edgar too is going to be interesting, man.

01:20:00.000 That's going to be interesting as fuck because you know BJ is going to come out angry.

01:20:04.000 I think BJ is going to try to take Frankie Edgar down.

01:20:07.000 I think you're right.

01:20:07.000 I'm trying to strangle him.

01:20:09.000 I think you're totally right.

01:20:10.000 All he did in that fight was stand and bang with him and try to stuff the takedown.

01:20:14.000 I think BJ learned a lesson in that fight.

01:20:17.000 He's going to come back stronger than ever.

01:20:18.000 But Frankie Edgar's coming back stronger than ever, too, man.

01:20:21.000 Frankie Edgar's better in every fight.

01:20:22.000 Every time that dude fights, you see a new, improved version of him.

01:20:26.000 After he beat Sean Shirk, and then after he beat Matt Veach and strangled Matt Veach, I was like, this guy is fucking getting better, man.

01:20:34.000 He's getting better.

01:20:35.000 And then when he beat BJ, dude, he's going to be even better now.

01:20:38.000 Coming into this fight, he's going to kick it up another notch.

01:20:40.000 And he's not getting tired.

01:20:42.000 The thing about that dude, he does not get tired.

01:20:44.000 He can go five, five minute rounds, full clip, and he's good.

01:20:48.000 He's good.

01:20:49.000 It's crazy.

01:20:51.000 He doesn't get tired.

01:20:52.000 He was just as fast in the fucking fifth round as he was in the third, as he was in the second.

01:20:57.000 You think he gets tired at night?

01:20:59.000 I think he goes night-night.

01:21:01.000 I think he gets some warm milk.

01:21:03.000 And maybe someone reads him a story.

01:21:06.000 I can't get tired, Joe.

01:21:07.000 And then he goes night-night.

01:21:09.000 The only thing about my man James Toney, Randy Couture.

01:21:12.000 James Toney, Randy Couture is a fucking fascinating fight, man.

01:21:15.000 I loved it.

01:21:16.000 I love, first of all, the fact that James Toney is the first guy who's like a real professional boxer at a high level, stepping into MMA. And yeah, he's 41, but he's still got skills, dude.

01:21:29.000 James Toney's still a bad motherfucker.

01:21:31.000 48. 47, I believe, yeah.

01:21:33.000 But the thing is, he's doing the right things.

01:21:37.000 He's training with Antonio McKee.

01:21:39.000 He's training with Mo Lawal.

01:21:41.000 He's training with King Mo.

01:21:42.000 He's training with wrestlers.

01:21:43.000 They're teaching him how to try to stand up.

01:21:44.000 Who knows?

01:21:45.000 All he has to do, though, realistically, all he has to do is stuff one tank down.

01:21:51.000 Stuff one tank down and get close enough to get a hand free.

01:21:55.000 Just get close enough.

01:21:57.000 Just have a position where he's got a little bit of distance he created and fucking BLAM! All he has to do is one with those four ounce gloves.

01:22:05.000 I'm not saying he can do it, but I'm saying if he can do it, chances are he's going to fuck Randy up if he can land it.

01:22:12.000 My sources tell me he's not training at all.

01:22:14.000 Really?

01:22:14.000 Yeah.

01:22:15.000 Shh!

01:22:16.000 This is bad for the promotion, Eddie Bravo.

01:22:18.000 Oh no, he's training a lot.

01:22:20.000 Yeah.

01:22:22.000 Oh, Eddie.

01:22:23.000 Did I just fuck it up?

01:22:24.000 I think you might have fucked it up.

01:22:25.000 That's part of the promotion.

01:22:26.000 Has he been training?

01:22:27.000 It's today's opposite day, by the way.

01:22:29.000 This training sucks.

01:22:30.000 It's today's what?

01:22:30.000 Today's opposite day, by the way.

01:22:32.000 Today's opposite day?

01:22:33.000 Yeah.

01:22:33.000 Oh.

01:22:34.000 Oh, Brian.

01:22:35.000 What is opposite day?

01:22:36.000 Well, who knows, man.

01:22:36.000 Maybe they're putting out rumors that he's not training so that people will respect it.

01:22:41.000 But I know he lost weight.

01:22:42.000 He looked pretty goddamn thin when I was interviewing him.

01:22:44.000 He didn't look fat at all.

01:22:45.000 I can just imagine him at home.

01:22:46.000 I ain't fucking training for no motherfucking shit.

01:22:49.000 What if he pulls it off?

01:22:51.000 Fuck, I'm going to train.

01:22:53.000 Fuck that shit.

01:22:53.000 I'm going to go run for 10. This is what he said to me.

01:22:55.000 You know, Bruce Lee?

01:22:56.000 Bruce Lee got a six-inch punch?

01:22:58.000 I got a three-inch punch.

01:22:59.000 That's all I need.

01:23:00.000 Three inches.

01:23:00.000 Three inches is going to knock his ass out.

01:23:03.000 That's all I need.

01:23:06.000 And he's right!

01:23:07.000 Dude, let me tell you something.

01:23:08.000 If he clipped you like this, just like that, just gave himself like three or four inches, it would fucking really hurt.

01:23:15.000 It would really hurt.

01:23:16.000 He could jack you.

01:23:16.000 He was giving it up to Bruce Lee.

01:23:18.000 He's like, you know, Bruce Lee's a bad motherfucker.

01:23:20.000 He got it wrong, though.

01:23:21.000 I told it to Dana.

01:23:22.000 Dana goes, Bruce Lee had a one-inch punch.

01:23:24.000 Why can't they figure out the Bruce Lee killings and all the murders and stuff, that whole family murders?

01:23:30.000 You'd think there would be, by now, DNA or something.

01:23:33.000 They can solve so many crazy crimes.

01:23:36.000 This is a conspiracy, Brian.

01:23:36.000 This is a conspiracy.

01:23:37.000 We need to get Mythbusters on the world.

01:23:39.000 Did they just give up on that whole thing?

01:23:40.000 The Chinese.

01:23:41.000 They never even looked into it.

01:23:42.000 I don't think there was a conspiracy.

01:23:43.000 They never even looked into it.

01:23:44.000 Was there a conspiracy with Bruce Lee?

01:23:46.000 Yes, there was.

01:23:47.000 Crazy conspiracy.

01:23:49.000 What was the conspiracy?

01:23:50.000 He was found dead asleep in his mistress's apartment.

01:23:56.000 So they think someone killed him.

01:23:58.000 They think someone dead.

01:23:59.000 And his son.

01:24:00.000 Why would they kill his son?

01:24:01.000 Poisoned him or something.

01:24:02.000 Fuck you and your son.

01:24:03.000 So they killed his son later and put a bullet into the gun that was supposed to be a blank gun, right?

01:24:09.000 Right.

01:24:10.000 How do you get a real gun on a set?

01:24:12.000 It doesn't even come close.

01:24:13.000 Did you look into Brandon Lee?

01:24:15.000 Yeah, back in the day, yeah.

01:24:17.000 So what were the details?

01:24:18.000 You don't think that it was incompetence?

01:24:20.000 No!

01:24:20.000 Why would there be a...

01:24:21.000 Alright, you have props for movies and stuff like that.

01:24:24.000 You don't use real guns.

01:24:25.000 There's not even a real gun on Warner Brothers except in the security guys' pockets, you know?

01:24:30.000 Right.

01:24:30.000 But you don't mix fucking fake guns with real guns.

01:24:34.000 That's impossible, you know?

01:24:35.000 Well, it's not that it's not a real gun.

01:24:37.000 It's a real gun.

01:24:38.000 It's just shooting a blank.

01:24:39.000 Right, but those guns can't shoot real...

01:24:43.000 People have died by taking those guns and putting them up to their head with no bullet in it, and it's blowing their brains out.

01:24:48.000 You know that, right?

01:24:48.000 Right, but that's not what happened.

01:24:50.000 Well, I know.

01:24:50.000 What happened, what I read, was that there was something in the barrel, and that as he fired the blank, something, whatever, was in the barrel.

01:24:59.000 We should probably look it up.

01:25:00.000 I mean, we're talking out of our ass, but he did get shot and killed on a set.

01:25:04.000 I always felt that the father got ice because when he left Run Run Shaw and those motherfuckers to come to the United States to shoot Enter the Dragon, that was his end.

01:25:14.000 See, Run Run Shaw, that was big heroin money.

01:25:17.000 I'm telling you this from the heart.

01:25:18.000 If you know anything about that, you check out that company.

01:25:20.000 The people who made Fist of Fury and Chinese Connection, they invested.

01:25:24.000 You know what it cost to make the Chinese Connection?

01:25:27.000 How much?

01:25:28.000 80,000.

01:25:29.000 Really?

01:25:29.000 You know how many times they made that over?

01:25:32.000 Do the fucking math, my friend.

01:25:33.000 How much do you think that movie's made?

01:25:34.000 Look at it.

01:25:35.000 There was no explosions.

01:25:36.000 There's no 3G. There's no 3D. There's no SAG. How much do you think The Chinese Connection has made?

01:25:42.000 $10 a day for all those Japanese guys.

01:25:47.000 So you're saying that the company that made Fist of Fury, the big boss...

01:25:51.000 The people who put up the producers on that, if you know anything about Raymond Chow...

01:25:55.000 It's all heroin?

01:25:56.000 They were money laundering.

01:25:59.000 It's money laundering, guys.

01:26:01.000 You've got to make up to have this Mercedes.

01:26:03.000 I've got to make money to make this Mercedes.

01:26:05.000 I gotta make it to cover this.

01:26:07.000 How am I doing this?

01:26:08.000 He made three movies.

01:26:09.000 They were all box office fucking worldwide smashes.

01:26:13.000 One was bigger than the other.

01:26:14.000 And I come to you and I go, hey, I'm out.

01:26:17.000 Now, if anybody knows anything about anything, Mafia concept ain't even Italian.

01:26:20.000 Those morons could never figure that out.

01:26:22.000 It's fucking Chinese.

01:26:24.000 You know?

01:26:25.000 Look at Japan.

01:26:25.000 When you fuck up in the mafia in Japan, don't they cut your fucking finger?

01:26:28.000 Or don't you have to cut it off?

01:26:30.000 If I told you to cut your finger off, what were the chances?

01:26:33.000 You understand me?

01:26:34.000 These people don't fuck around.

01:26:35.000 They're not white.

01:26:35.000 They're not soft.

01:26:36.000 These people don't fuck around.

01:26:37.000 So they were making tons of money making his movies.

01:26:40.000 Printing money.

01:26:40.000 And he decided to leave them.

01:26:41.000 And he decided to go to Warner Brothers to make Enter the Dragon.

01:26:44.000 And so they killed him.

01:26:45.000 They gave him a little taste.

01:26:46.000 But not the taste they were waiting on.

01:26:48.000 Not the big taste they were waiting on.

01:26:49.000 They made Raymond Chow a little partner.

01:26:52.000 And then they gave him a piece of Death Hunt with Charles Bronson.

01:26:56.000 It wasn't enough.

01:26:58.000 So you really think that's what happened?

01:27:00.000 Any other ideas?

01:27:01.000 Oh, I mean, I don't know.

01:27:03.000 Officially, it was a brain aneurysm.

01:27:05.000 It's a brain aneurysm.

01:27:06.000 Well, when someone shoots you in the head, your brain bleeds, right?

01:27:09.000 It's mysterious.

01:27:10.000 Nobody knows nothing.

01:27:11.000 I mean, he was 33 years old.

01:27:13.000 He was in perfect health.

01:27:15.000 He could have been poisoned.

01:27:17.000 The death certificate can say anything.

01:27:18.000 We could have paid for this.

01:27:19.000 The Chinese could have paid for this all across the line.

01:27:22.000 That's a corrupt country like any other...

01:27:25.000 I think?

01:27:40.000 Was there any threats on his life?

01:27:42.000 I don't think so.

01:27:43.000 I don't think so.

01:28:04.000 Reinserted bullets on top of it, like more blanks, and so it exploded and a piece of the bullet flew out of it.

01:28:11.000 Yeah.

01:28:12.000 Or something like that.

01:28:13.000 What a crazy way to die.

01:28:16.000 Because not only are we going to shoot you, we're going to shoot you on fucking camera.

01:28:21.000 Isn't that the craziest shit?

01:28:23.000 How come that video's not on YouTube?

01:28:26.000 Yeah, right?

01:28:26.000 Exactly.

01:28:27.000 There's just so many doubts.

01:28:28.000 It's just weird.

01:28:29.000 I don't want to watch it, by the way.

01:28:31.000 There's so many doubts with both of their deaths that it's not, you know, it's just not.

01:28:35.000 Is there a Brandon Lee?

01:28:37.000 It sounds like it could be just a coincidence.

01:28:38.000 I was a kid and all of a sudden he was dead and buried and gone.

01:28:40.000 That's it.

01:28:41.000 And then the movie came out two weeks later because he died before the movie came out.

01:28:44.000 It's perfect timing.

01:28:46.000 He died two weeks before the movie came out.

01:28:47.000 He died July 16th or something like that, and the movie came out eight days later or something.

01:28:52.000 Wait a minute.

01:28:52.000 They were filming the movie, and they were done filming, and then they released it eight days later after he died?

01:28:57.000 No, no, no.

01:28:57.000 The movie was done.

01:28:58.000 The movie was done.

01:28:59.000 Two weeks before they released it, he died.

01:29:01.000 He died.

01:29:02.000 Wait, and he had one more movie.

01:29:04.000 It was Legend, wasn't it?

01:29:05.000 Game of Death, which he filmed just a piece of.

01:29:07.000 I was so confused.

01:29:09.000 I thought you were talking about Brandon Lee.

01:29:11.000 No, we're talking about Bruce.

01:29:12.000 I'm sorry.

01:29:13.000 So...

01:29:14.000 You know, there's so many coincidences.

01:29:16.000 Now, this is American studio.

01:29:17.000 They would never kill somebody.

01:29:19.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:29:19.000 You don't think they would?

01:29:20.000 I think there's some crazy producers out there that would kill people.

01:29:22.000 They understand that death equals money.

01:29:25.000 Now, is there a documentary out there about Brandon?

01:29:28.000 I think there is.

01:29:29.000 Was it Legend?

01:29:30.000 I would like to see the documentary about that Survivor producer.

01:29:34.000 One of the guys in the producer killed his wife in Cancun.

01:29:39.000 And he's back.

01:29:39.000 He's back in America.

01:29:40.000 Mexican government's trying to figure out how to prosecute him.

01:29:43.000 They're going to extradite him from Mexico.

01:29:45.000 Can't kill his wife.

01:29:47.000 I'm going to tell you something.

01:29:49.000 I don't know if you've seen it.

01:29:50.000 I mean, I've been on that side of the fence.

01:29:52.000 I just was watching that Michael Jackson documentary again a couple weeks ago.

01:29:56.000 Yeah.

01:29:57.000 About his death?

01:29:58.000 No.

01:29:59.000 About the thing we went to see that night.

01:30:01.000 Oh, okay, okay.

01:30:03.000 I'm watching him.

01:30:05.000 I'm watching him.

01:30:08.000 Does he look like a fucking dude that's fucked up to you as much as they said he was fucked up?

01:30:12.000 To do all those dance moves?

01:30:14.000 Watch the movie.

01:30:15.000 You're an intelligent guy.

01:30:15.000 You get back to me.

01:30:17.000 He wasn't just doing coke or whatever.

01:30:19.000 He was doing oxygen or whatever the fuck they said he was doing.

01:30:21.000 He was doing oxygen.

01:30:22.000 Whatever they said he was doing.

01:30:23.000 See that one part where he freaks out?

01:30:24.000 Remember he fucking freaks out?

01:30:25.000 There's one part where they show...

01:30:28.000 Most of the movie is just all good.

01:30:29.000 They don't even get into drugs or anything like that.

01:30:31.000 It's all good.

01:30:32.000 But they show a little piece where he's freaking out with the director and he doesn't feel it.

01:30:36.000 It feels like just...

01:30:38.000 I don't know what it is.

01:30:39.000 It's just...

01:30:40.000 Remember that piece?

01:30:41.000 Wow.

01:30:41.000 He had to get the right mixture.

01:30:43.000 But look, that guy was in debt.

01:30:45.000 That guy was Owen.

01:30:46.000 They were going to take his little Afro.

01:30:48.000 They were going to take Never Neverland.

01:30:49.000 How much money that motherfucker's made since he's been dead?

01:30:51.000 A lot, right?

01:30:52.000 Tons.

01:30:53.000 Tons.

01:30:53.000 They're all jumping up and down now.

01:30:55.000 Red Dragon was the documentary, by the way.

01:30:57.000 Red Dragon?

01:30:57.000 Yeah.

01:30:57.000 The Bruce Lee documentary?

01:30:58.000 It's Bruce Lee or Brandon Lee.

01:31:00.000 Both?

01:31:00.000 Brandon Lee.

01:31:01.000 I'm sorry.

01:31:02.000 Brandon Lee documentary.

01:31:03.000 Red Dragon.

01:31:04.000 Red Dragon.

01:31:06.000 Cool.

01:31:07.000 I'm not a big conspiracy guy, but it's just too weird.

01:31:11.000 Well, his death definitely sounds like if he really pissed off some Chinese mob guys, I don't think they would let that slide because the guy became a movie star.

01:31:20.000 If he's making some other people, yeah, I could see them killing him.

01:31:22.000 I don't know the details.

01:31:24.000 You know why they shot those movies?

01:31:25.000 Those movies cost nothing.

01:31:28.000 They shot those in the jungles of fucking Thailand.

01:31:30.000 Look at Fist of Fury, the first one.

01:31:32.000 They shot that.

01:31:33.000 That was no set.

01:31:34.000 They shot that in the jungle of Thailand on a dark street.

01:31:37.000 There was no craft services.

01:31:39.000 There was none.

01:31:40.000 There was wontons and a fucking tent with Chinese music on.

01:31:43.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:31:44.000 It's crazy when you think about how recent movies really are.

01:31:47.000 What a recent invention.

01:31:48.000 I mean, movies were, you know, I believe in the 1900s they were silent, right?

01:31:53.000 When did they start making sound movies?

01:31:56.000 I'm not sure.

01:31:57.000 Uh, 40, 50s.

01:31:59.000 And by the way, that was Bruce Lee, not Brandon Lee, sorry.

01:32:02.000 What was?

01:32:02.000 That Red Dragon.

01:32:04.000 Oh, that was the documentary on Brandon Lee.

01:32:06.000 Bruce Lee, not Bruce Lee.

01:32:08.000 Bruce Lee, okay.

01:32:09.000 But I think it was like 1940s, I would say.

01:32:12.000 Yeah, when you think about how recent invention movies are.

01:32:15.000 The crazy thing about the whole movie experience is it really does program you.

01:32:20.000 We have like some certain things that we want to see in life.

01:32:23.000 And when you show them to us, we have a natural inclination to follow successful people.

01:32:27.000 It's natural.

01:32:28.000 Follow someone who's better than you.

01:32:29.000 Learn how to be better than you are.

01:32:31.000 Learn.

01:32:32.000 Learn from people that have already learned.

01:32:33.000 But when you see a movie, it's like the guy has all these attributes of the hero in real life, but it's fake, and he's 60 feet tall, and every time he talks, fucking music plays, and your whole system gets so confused.

01:32:48.000 Especially girls.

01:32:49.000 Yeah, especially girls.

01:32:50.000 There's a lot of people that believe that life really should be like a movie.

01:32:53.000 They're really shocked that life doesn't turn out like a movie.

01:32:56.000 How crazy was it that when Bruce Lee, all he ever wanted was a shot in Hollywood, and he got ripped off, he got rejected, he got sent back to China, he blows up in China, and now Warner Brothers wants him back.

01:33:08.000 Now they wanted him.

01:33:10.000 And then he finally gets a shot.

01:33:11.000 He gets to call all the shots of the movie and he doesn't show up to the set.

01:33:15.000 He has cold feet.

01:33:16.000 He's fucking nervous as hell.

01:33:17.000 They're shooting around him.

01:33:19.000 He won't show up.

01:33:20.000 He's freaking out.

01:33:21.000 He's having a nervous breakdown.

01:33:22.000 How crazy is that?

01:33:23.000 Then he finally shows up and just crushes.

01:33:26.000 You watch that movie now?

01:33:27.000 Sure, there's some corniness from Enter the Dragon.

01:33:29.000 You know, it's an old movie, but there's so, like a good 75% of it just stands the test of time, the scenes, the way it's shot.

01:33:36.000 Like when he's out, when they're all out during the day and he's When he fights Bob Wall and Bolo Young.

01:33:42.000 God damn it!

01:33:44.000 Those are the best fucking scenes ever!

01:33:46.000 He was so intense.

01:33:47.000 He's moving around like Muhammad Ali.

01:33:49.000 Nobody had come along before that that represented martial arts at all in a mainstream way.

01:33:55.000 There would have been no one that grabbed the public's attention.

01:33:57.000 He was the first.

01:33:58.000 And when he did Big Boss' first movie, he wasn't even the star at first.

01:34:01.000 He was like Bill 3rd or 4th.

01:34:03.000 And then he just started directing and fucking putting together the fight scenes.

01:34:06.000 And then they bumped him up and made him...

01:34:08.000 They go, this motherfucker's just taking over.

01:34:10.000 This dude just started...

01:34:11.000 They just threw him on the film.

01:34:14.000 Last minute.

01:34:14.000 And he took over.

01:34:15.000 And then from that point on, boom!

01:34:17.000 He just took over.

01:34:17.000 I just watched, which is one of my all-time top five when I get down and dirty...

01:34:22.000 One of my all-time movies is The Chinese Connection, which was released, whatever, The Big Boss here, Fist of Fury.

01:34:27.000 In that movie, his fucking anger comes through.

01:34:32.000 I mean, he's so good in that movie.

01:34:33.000 Everything he does, he hangs.

01:34:35.000 Bro, this guy took Clint Eastwood and took him a step further.

01:34:38.000 He would kill the guys and then hang him on the street so people could see him.

01:34:43.000 Nobody's done that shit.

01:34:45.000 Nobody's ever done it.

01:34:46.000 Charles Bronson.

01:34:47.000 Nobody.

01:34:48.000 He hung him twice.

01:34:49.000 You know, why'd you kill my teacher?

01:34:51.000 Why, why, why?

01:34:52.000 Think of that last fight scene where he goes to the school and he says, this does not concern you.

01:34:58.000 I'm allowing you to leave.

01:35:01.000 He throws him out, and the three that stick around, he jumps over a coffee table.

01:35:06.000 Watch the movie, guys.

01:35:07.000 He jumps over the coffee table into a flying psychic.

01:35:10.000 This ain't no joke.

01:35:11.000 He beats the fat guy with the sword.

01:35:13.000 He puts him down.

01:35:14.000 The sword goes through his back.

01:35:15.000 Then he goes to the yard, and he fucks up two guys.

01:35:18.000 He fucks up the Russian.

01:35:20.000 Then he goes into the studio with the new chucks and shit, fucks the master up.

01:35:25.000 Then he goes back to the thing, to the school, and he tells the cops not to fuck around with his school, and the cops are scared of him.

01:35:31.000 He's talking to him, and he's like, if I go to jail, don't fuck with him.

01:35:35.000 Then he opens the door to open, and there's a bunch of people outside ready to shoot him, and he runs to the camera and he throws the flying sidekick, and you hear the fucking bullets go off in the air.

01:35:45.000 That's what killed me as a kid, not seeing my mother die.

01:35:48.000 That tormented me when Bruce Lee got shot at the end of Fist of Fury, because I didn't know whether he'd come back or not.

01:35:53.000 But think about that fucking movie.

01:35:55.000 You know who his acting coach was on Chinese Connection?

01:35:58.000 Steve motherfucking McQueen, long distance.

01:36:02.000 Do you understand me?

01:36:04.000 He was calling Steve McQueen saying, dog, this is what I got to do in this scene.

01:36:07.000 What do you think?

01:36:09.000 Wow.

01:36:10.000 Do you understand me, dawg?

01:36:11.000 And him and Steve McQueen were running together, and they both wanted what each other had.

01:36:16.000 Steve McQueen didn't want to be no star.

01:36:18.000 He didn't like people.

01:36:18.000 He didn't want people talking to him.

01:36:20.000 Steve McQueen beat the fuck out of Ally McGraw and went to work the next day.

01:36:23.000 Nobody gave a fuck.

01:36:24.000 He was a mean guy, Steve McQueen.

01:36:26.000 He wanted to be a fighter.

01:36:28.000 And Bruce Lee wanted to be a fucking actor, an international star.

01:36:32.000 They both had what each other wanted, bro.

01:36:35.000 Steve McQueen just wanted to piss on people and fuck people up.

01:36:38.000 He called police one time and said, dog, let's take a ride.

01:36:41.000 This producer died.

01:36:42.000 I'm going to go piss on his grave like I told him when he fired me from that movie.

01:36:46.000 Steve McQueen wasn't a nice guy.

01:36:47.000 Wow.

01:36:49.000 What did he die of?

01:36:50.000 Cancer.

01:36:51.000 He went to Mexico and couldn't get healed.

01:36:53.000 Breast cancer.

01:36:54.000 Breast cancer?

01:36:55.000 Yeah.

01:36:56.000 End of the Dragon was so fucking strong.

01:36:59.000 Bruce Lee was so amazing that...

01:37:02.000 Then they put out the craziest thing of all, the whole Bruce Lee thing, the craziest thing is that they put a movie out after he died, Game of Death, and only the last 10 minutes is him.

01:37:13.000 They decided to make a movie with 75% Another Dude.

01:37:17.000 It was Another Dude, and if you watch that movie, they put...

01:37:22.000 They take pictures or scenes from Return of the Dragon.

01:37:25.000 Yeah, they mix it all up.

01:37:27.000 Yeah, they mix it all up.

01:37:28.000 They used photos.

01:37:29.000 They used a photo.

01:37:30.000 In the first five minutes of the movie, they put a photo of Bruce Lee on a moving body, on the double.

01:37:36.000 Really?

01:37:37.000 They put a photo.

01:37:38.000 It's the worst Photoshop ever.

01:37:40.000 The beginning of that movie.

01:37:41.000 Then they shoot the whole rest of the movie with...

01:37:44.000 Anytime you get a good look at Bruce Lee, it's another movie.

01:37:48.000 It's another fucking movie, man.

01:37:50.000 And then they cut back, and then when you see the profile, it's a stunt double with glasses, big fucking glasses.

01:37:56.000 They had a stunt double for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, too, because they had to have an excuse for him at the end of the movie when he actually does come in.

01:38:02.000 So if you watch the movie, you see the big, tall black guy.

01:38:04.000 It's not even Kareem, but you know he's going to fight him at the end.

01:38:07.000 People talk about the Seven Wonders of the World or Grand Canyon.

01:38:10.000 You know what the Eighth Wonder of the World is?

01:38:12.000 That they sequeled that movie 18 times.

01:38:14.000 We've had this conversation.

01:38:16.000 How you doing?

01:38:17.000 We're here today.

01:38:18.000 Eddie Bravo, Joe Rogan, I'd like to speak to you about a pitch.

01:38:20.000 Oh, we're all ears.

01:38:21.000 We'd like to do Game of Death 3. You know what I'm saying?

01:38:26.000 Come again?

01:38:27.000 Isn't Bruce Lee dead?

01:38:28.000 We don't need Bruce Lee.

01:38:29.000 You understand?

01:38:29.000 We got pictures.

01:38:31.000 Break the pictures down for me to show pictures and shit.

01:38:33.000 Dude!

01:38:34.000 So how much are we going to make?

01:38:35.000 That's not going to make any money.

01:38:36.000 What?

01:38:37.000 What?

01:38:39.000 Box is a fucking...

01:38:39.000 How much is Game of Death?

01:38:40.000 I like to see it.

01:38:41.000 They don't even have what those movies make.

01:38:43.000 They don't even have.

01:38:45.000 You can look up any movie on White Pitya and see what they made.

01:38:49.000 White Pitya?

01:38:50.000 Whatever the fuck it is.

01:38:51.000 White Pitya.

01:38:53.000 I still got it.

01:38:55.000 Fucking white people.

01:38:56.000 Dude, and what about the whole...

01:38:57.000 Forget about Game of Death and using a fake Bruce Lee for most of the movie with the worst editing ever from other movies.

01:39:05.000 Ever.

01:39:06.000 But how about Bruce Lai?

01:39:09.000 And then there was a Bruce Liu.

01:39:11.000 All these total rip-offs of Bruce Lee.

01:39:13.000 They just went with it.

01:39:14.000 It was like Kiss.

01:39:16.000 Now they got Ace Frehley's makeup, Peter Criss' makeup, but they call him Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer.

01:39:22.000 But they got Ace and Peter's makeup.

01:39:24.000 It's incredible.

01:39:24.000 Asians were so hot back then.

01:39:26.000 That's like a Cirque du Soleil show.

01:39:27.000 Yeah, but the Kiss, no one's ever pulled it off like Kiss did.

01:39:32.000 Making dudes wear the same makeup?

01:39:34.000 The guys who they're replacing?

01:39:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:36.000 Well, at first they didn't do that.

01:39:38.000 No, at first, when they first lost Ace, they got Vinny Vincent.

01:39:41.000 He came out as an Egyptian guy.

01:39:44.000 And then when they lost Peter, Eric Carr came in as the Fox.

01:39:47.000 Fox.

01:39:48.000 So when they decided to do the reunion, they get Ace and Peter back.

01:39:51.000 Once they start leaving again, in the exact same order, Ace left first, and then Peter, the exact same thing, they go, fuck it.

01:39:56.000 Let's not start any new characters.

01:39:58.000 Let's keep the old characters, which just have different dudes playing.

01:40:01.000 So Gene was always like, no drugs, no alcohol, no nothing.

01:40:07.000 Was Paul Stanley a partier?

01:40:08.000 No, both of them didn't party.

01:40:09.000 So both of them didn't party, but the other dudes partied a lot.

01:40:13.000 Ace Freely partied like a motherfucker, so did Peter Criss, right?

01:40:15.000 Yeah, massive.

01:40:16.000 Peter Criss, I think, was an alcoholic, and Ace had a Coke problem.

01:40:20.000 Shazam, son.

01:40:21.000 Yeah.

01:40:22.000 You can't play guitar like that unless you do a little Coke.

01:40:24.000 Exactly, exactly.

01:40:24.000 I watched Gene Simmons' Family Jewels, the new season last night.

01:40:28.000 Wow.

01:40:29.000 They got a new skunk for his hair.

01:40:32.000 You have to see his hair.

01:40:33.000 They got a new skunk.

01:40:34.000 He's got like two inches.

01:40:35.000 It's a little longer.

01:40:37.000 It's a little tighter.

01:40:38.000 He's always had the goopiest hair.

01:40:40.000 One thing for sure, Gene Simmons will never be hosting a show about hurricanes.

01:40:44.000 No.

01:40:48.000 You know, the crazy thing, too, is...

01:40:50.000 If he does, he's going to be wearing a motorcycle helmet.

01:40:56.000 So they know Kiss knows.

01:40:58.000 I'm the biggest Kiss fan on the planet, and so are you.

01:41:01.000 But Kiss knows that, you know what, most of the people now that are getting into Kiss, they won't even know that that's not Ace Freely.

01:41:07.000 The cat, the fucking spaceman, that's more important than their actual fucking names.

01:41:12.000 Well, it is as long as they can reproduce the songs.

01:41:15.000 You just can't have the songs that Ace sings, because Ace had a very distinctive voice.

01:41:19.000 I liked his voice, man.

01:41:21.000 I liked Ace Freely's voice.

01:41:22.000 And Peter had a great voice, too.

01:41:23.000 But both of them can sing.

01:41:24.000 Eric Singer's a really good singer, and he's really good at imitating Peter Criss.

01:41:28.000 He really is.

01:41:29.000 He actually does sound like him.

01:41:30.000 Remember that song, 2000 Man?

01:41:31.000 Fuck yeah.

01:41:32.000 Fuck yeah.

01:41:32.000 Dynasty, 1979, son.

01:41:35.000 Side two.

01:41:36.000 Come on, 2000. Track two.

01:41:38.000 Right after I Was Made For Lovin' You.

01:41:40.000 Powerful.

01:41:40.000 That's another one.

01:41:41.000 I Was Made For Lovin' You.

01:41:43.000 Goddamn.

01:41:43.000 Ace didn't even write that song.

01:41:44.000 The producer wrote that one.

01:41:46.000 That was a cover.

01:41:47.000 2000 Man's an actual old cover.

01:41:48.000 I love I Was Made For Lovin' You.

01:41:50.000 I Was Made For Lovin' You fucking rules.

01:41:51.000 Give me some I Was Made For Lovin' You.

01:41:52.000 Find that shit.

01:41:53.000 Find that shit.

01:41:55.000 Someone remixed I Was Made For Lovin' You into a fucking house song.

01:41:58.000 It sounds awesome, dude.

01:41:59.000 Really?

01:42:00.000 They did that?

01:42:01.000 Oh, yeah.

01:42:02.000 Oh, my God.

01:42:02.000 What a great idea.

01:42:04.000 What a great idea.

01:42:05.000 That's a jam.

01:42:06.000 That was a disco song.

01:42:08.000 That's when they had gone disco, but it was good.

01:42:10.000 That was their answer.

01:42:11.000 It's good disco.

01:42:11.000 Just let them know we're in the fucking house.

01:42:13.000 And then there was Heaven's on Fire.

01:42:17.000 That's live.

01:42:17.000 I was making fun of you live.

01:42:18.000 Yeah, we don't want to go live.

01:42:19.000 It's going to sound like shit.

01:42:20.000 It can't be live, son.

01:42:22.000 Yeah, go with a...

01:42:22.000 They have a video.

01:42:23.000 If you go YouTube, there's a video.

01:42:25.000 Yeah.

01:42:26.000 Yeah, bass live, dude.

01:42:31.000 Disco fucking rock it.

01:42:33.000 Fuck yeah!

01:42:40.000 How many guys were blowing him while you were singing this?

01:42:43.000 What was that?

01:42:44.000 How many guys were blowing him while he was singing this?

01:42:47.000 That's a, that's a, you know, you don't want to go there.

01:42:50.000 You don't want to start going there.

01:42:52.000 I think, but without going any further, I think that's the reason why Paul and Gene were such a great team.

01:42:58.000 I think it's because of that.

01:43:00.000 Really?

01:43:00.000 Because of what, uh, the dudes from Guns N' Roses accused, uh, Homeboy.

01:43:06.000 You guys, no one knows what the fuck we're talking about.

01:43:08.000 The dudes from Guns N' Roses accused him of what?

01:43:14.000 God damn, you're high.

01:43:16.000 We can't even go there.

01:43:17.000 We can't go there?

01:43:18.000 Sorry.

01:43:20.000 I'm a big Kiss fan.

01:43:22.000 No need to disparage them.

01:43:24.000 Yes.

01:43:25.000 Paul Stanley is one of my gods, for sure.

01:43:29.000 And by the way, Ace Frehley is clean and sober now.

01:43:31.000 Really?

01:43:32.000 Yeah.

01:43:33.000 If Paul Stanley was gay, I'd love him even more.

01:43:35.000 Who cares?

01:43:35.000 I think he's awesome.

01:43:36.000 Yeah.

01:43:37.000 Yeah.

01:43:37.000 I hope you got some good...

01:43:38.000 I love Rob Halford.

01:43:39.000 I love Rob Halford.

01:43:40.000 The dude from Queen.

01:43:41.000 Freddie Mercury was awesome.

01:43:43.000 Love him too.

01:43:44.000 Jeff Tate.

01:43:45.000 Awesome.

01:43:45.000 I love Jeff Tate.

01:43:47.000 What about Clay Aiken?

01:43:48.000 Clay Aiken I don't like.

01:43:49.000 No?

01:43:50.000 Ricky Martin?

01:43:50.000 I don't like him.

01:43:51.000 Two down.

01:43:52.000 Nuh-uh.

01:43:54.000 What about other gay singers?

01:43:56.000 Elton.

01:43:56.000 Elton John's a bad motherfucker.

01:43:58.000 Elton John's a bad motherfucker.

01:43:59.000 Elton John's a bad motherfucker.

01:44:00.000 What's that one?

01:44:01.000 Tiny Dancer?

01:44:02.000 Come on.

01:44:03.000 That's one of the greatest songs ever.

01:44:04.000 Rocketman?

01:44:05.000 Rocketman's a great jam.

01:44:06.000 I don't care if he's gay.

01:44:07.000 George Michael?

01:44:07.000 Yeah.

01:44:08.000 If I could touch you back.

01:44:09.000 You know what?

01:44:10.000 Freedom by George Michael.

01:44:12.000 Oh shit!

01:44:13.000 Hit it!

01:44:14.000 Hit it!

01:44:16.000 That's a great jam.

01:44:17.000 There's four different parts to that song.

01:44:20.000 There's four different parts.

01:44:21.000 It's not just verse and chorus.

01:44:22.000 It's verse, fucking secondary verse, pre-chorus and chorus.

01:44:26.000 Four different parts and they're all awesome.

01:44:28.000 And the video with all those hot models, all the hot models are singing it and dancing along.

01:44:32.000 As long as he doesn't look at me in the eye when he sings that, I'll go to a concert.

01:44:36.000 I want him to look me in the eye.

01:44:37.000 What if he looked you right in the eye as he sang it?

01:44:39.000 He's got a spell on me.

01:44:39.000 That would be different.

01:44:40.000 I would have to look away.

01:44:41.000 I'd like to see if it's like Joey Diaz's joke.

01:44:44.000 If George Michael could put a spell on me, he pulls out the fucking diamond encrusted dick, starts hypnotizing me.

01:44:50.000 Seriously though, dude, if you went to go see George Michael, he's playing an after party, he's playing Dana White's fucking party, whatever, and he starts singing and looking directly in the eye, would you kind of like start texting?

01:44:59.000 Here we go.

01:45:00.000 I might try to do what Joey Diaz would do, blue ball him.

01:45:06.000 I might wink at him.

01:45:18.000 That's gotta be the only thing that turns him on at this point, right?

01:45:23.000 That's a secret shit.

01:45:24.000 He wants to suck straight dudes dicks in toilet bowls.

01:45:38.000 I'm just surprised my dad's gaydar did not work as a child, because he bought this CD for my birthday.

01:45:49.000 His gaydar was not on.

01:45:51.000 Maybe his gaydar was dead on and he thought that you were gay.

01:45:53.000 He'll try to test you out.

01:45:55.000 How funny is that?

01:45:56.000 How funny was Kelly Kirsten's joke?

01:45:58.000 That she was going to fall for Ricky Martin because she had already fallen for George Michael.

01:46:03.000 Yeah, yeah, that was great.

01:46:04.000 You already got me that George Michael shit.

01:46:06.000 We haven't even got to the good part, man.

01:46:08.000 Here it is.

01:46:08.000 I have.

01:46:10.000 After this...

01:47:31.000 I don't like George Michael, but this shit is fucking season.

01:47:33.000 This is good music.

01:47:34.000 There's no argument.

01:47:35.000 This is good music.

01:47:36.000 These guys are at home saying these fucking guys are out of their minds.

01:47:38.000 Nah, this is the shit that y'all listen to sometimes.

01:47:40.000 You know, dudes that are really into just heavy music, like rural grind chord death metal, they would never like something like this.

01:47:47.000 I understand that.

01:47:48.000 Keep it playing in the background.

01:47:49.000 Fuck it.

01:47:51.000 Just give us a little background ambiance.

01:47:53.000 This is a good fucking jam.

01:47:55.000 Yeah, I like some fruity shit, man.

01:47:57.000 I do.

01:47:58.000 I like a lot of fruity shit.

01:47:59.000 You like Mika?

01:48:00.000 I like that Billionaire song.

01:48:01.000 I like that Katy Perry song with California Girls.

01:48:05.000 That's some fruity shit.

01:48:06.000 Oh, I like that song.

01:48:10.000 But the fact that I would like it?

01:48:12.000 You like pop music.

01:48:13.000 I like some.

01:48:14.000 I don't like a lot.

01:48:15.000 Pop music's good because once it gets in your head, it's good.

01:48:18.000 That Eminem song with Rihanna, I just like listening to her sing.

01:48:23.000 I just like her parts.

01:48:24.000 I love her.

01:48:25.000 His parts are like, it's too much fucking violence.

01:48:27.000 Her parts don't make any goddamn sense.

01:48:29.000 I love it when you lie.

01:48:30.000 Who the fuck loves it when you lie?

01:48:32.000 Everyone hates that shit.

01:48:33.000 I don't get the lyrics.

01:48:34.000 I don't care what she's saying.

01:48:35.000 I just love her voice.

01:48:37.000 Her voice is awesome.

01:48:38.000 Rihanna is definitely one of my favorite movies.

01:48:40.000 It's so soulful.

01:48:40.000 And there's something, just a terrible thing to say, there's something extra sexy about her and there's something extra attractive about her that she got her ass kicked by that dude.

01:48:51.000 I don't know why.

01:48:52.000 I don't know.

01:48:53.000 There's something about her that, like, she's been through some shit.

01:48:56.000 Now I can understand this girl's pain.

01:48:58.000 This is legit.

01:48:59.000 Okay, this girl's crying.

01:49:00.000 She is crying.

01:49:01.000 A man she loved beat the fuck out of her and the whole world knows about it.

01:49:04.000 She's allowed to be in pain.

01:49:06.000 She's allowed to be twisted.

01:49:07.000 She's allowed to cry.

01:49:09.000 And, you know, like, that's legit.

01:49:10.000 It's like when Tupac went to jail.

01:49:12.000 He came out better than ever.

01:49:17.000 It's the same thing.

01:49:18.000 It's the same thing.

01:49:20.000 Dropping Tupac into this motherfucker.

01:49:21.000 She can sing painful songs better than anybody.

01:49:24.000 I didn't even know who she was until she got beat up.

01:49:26.000 How sad is that?

01:49:26.000 I didn't know who she was or he was.

01:49:28.000 How about that?

01:49:28.000 When I first heard Umbrella before it was huge, I don't even like R&B. When I heard that song, I knew it was going to be fucking huge.

01:49:35.000 I'm like, whoever the fuck that is, that is a great song.

01:49:38.000 And then it blew the fuck up.

01:49:40.000 Because basically you pull the vocals out of Umbrella.

01:49:42.000 That could be a Depeche Mode song.

01:49:44.000 That could be anything.

01:49:45.000 It's alternative music with an R&B chick over it.

01:49:48.000 With a hip-hop drum beat.

01:49:49.000 It's fucking perfect.

01:49:54.000 Music, man.

01:49:56.000 Doesn't even make any sense.

01:49:58.000 Un-fucking-believable.

01:50:00.000 It doesn't make any sense how much it impacts just a bunch of sound and people talking.

01:50:04.000 It's your frequency and the song's frequency.

01:50:06.000 Does it resonate with yours?

01:50:08.000 That's all.

01:50:08.000 It's real simple.

01:50:09.000 It's science.

01:50:10.000 It's amazing, though.

01:50:11.000 It's amazing that something like that is real.

01:50:13.000 You know, that people don't respect it.

01:50:14.000 I mean, when you get really baked and you start thinking about music, people who don't smoke pot, they don't even know what music sounds like.

01:50:20.000 You don't.

01:50:21.000 You really don't.

01:50:22.000 You actually don't.

01:50:23.000 You're missing about 30% of it.

01:50:25.000 You're missing some extra layers that you wouldn't even see or hear.

01:50:29.000 Try listening to Seal when you're baked.

01:50:33.000 Seal?

01:50:34.000 That song Kissed by a Rose.

01:50:36.000 I was a big Seal fan back in the day.

01:50:37.000 Listen to that shit with some headphones on when you're baked.

01:50:40.000 There's like cymbals out here.

01:50:42.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:50:43.000 The sound's so well engineered and crafted.

01:50:47.000 You know, it all flows together.

01:50:49.000 That dude was a bad motherfucker.

01:50:51.000 He was a bad motherfucker.

01:50:53.000 That was some other shit that I didn't like admitted to people.

01:50:56.000 That I like sealed.

01:50:57.000 I liked Seal's second album.

01:50:59.000 The first two albums were good, man.

01:51:01.000 Crazy was on the first album.

01:51:02.000 Oh, he was great.

01:51:03.000 And that second album, man, they had like six, seven really good songs on that thing.

01:51:07.000 Quality shit.

01:51:08.000 I'll tell you what I listened to yesterday.

01:51:09.000 The first album, unbelievable, Sade.

01:51:11.000 Yeah.

01:51:11.000 Oh, classic.

01:51:13.000 Oh, the first two albums.

01:51:14.000 And then the one she did for the movie when the guy bought the million dollars.

01:51:17.000 The guy gave Demi more than a million dollars when she's rolling around the money.

01:51:21.000 What's that song?

01:51:23.000 Gave you love.

01:51:24.000 I don't remember.

01:51:25.000 That was a bad motherfucker.

01:51:27.000 I love chicks.

01:51:28.000 Oh, me too.

01:51:28.000 Chicks singing.

01:51:29.000 My favorite chick to listen to.

01:51:31.000 My favorite chick all the time is Sarah McLachlan.

01:51:33.000 She just crushes everybody, man.

01:51:35.000 She does, but...

01:51:35.000 Smashes elsewhere.

01:51:37.000 Forget about it.

01:51:37.000 Sheryl Crow has a different element to her.

01:51:39.000 Yeah, Sheryl Crow has a different...

01:51:40.000 She's got more two hours of pain.

01:51:41.000 Sheryl Crow, yeah.

01:51:42.000 Fumbling Towards Ecstasy by Sarah McLachlan.

01:51:45.000 Get that motherfucker.

01:51:46.000 The whole album.

01:51:47.000 The whole fucking album is amazing.

01:51:49.000 Crimes of Passion by Pat Benatar.

01:51:52.000 Deeper than a motherfucker.

01:51:54.000 Deeper than a motherfucker.

01:51:56.000 Crimes of Passion.

01:51:56.000 Her husband was fucking killing that guitar on Crimes of Passion.

01:52:00.000 You know what's a great jam?

01:52:01.000 Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock.

01:52:02.000 That fucking song.

01:52:04.000 What is that?

01:52:06.000 Woke up one night in my motel.

01:52:09.000 Yeah, what is it?

01:52:10.000 What is the name of that song?

01:52:11.000 It's her voice in that song.

01:52:13.000 Her voice in that song is so good.

01:52:15.000 What about that fucking chick?

01:52:16.000 The chick from Missing Persons, man.

01:52:18.000 Remember Terry Bozio?

01:52:20.000 Remember that?

01:52:20.000 Oh, I went to see him first, bro.

01:52:21.000 Give me her voice.

01:52:22.000 Play that.

01:52:23.000 Play that Kid Rock and Cheryl.

01:52:24.000 Walking in LA. I just want to hear her part of it.

01:52:27.000 Everybody knows how much I love this next song.

01:52:28.000 Why do you keep going live, son?

01:52:30.000 You and me are first.

01:52:31.000 We were very, very, very close.

01:52:32.000 Live are the first ones.

01:52:33.000 Please welcome my favorite singer The hot, sexy, talented Sheryl Crow!

01:52:39.000 I like her way less because of that interview.

01:52:41.000 The introduction, rather.

01:52:45.000 Who's this annoying chick?

01:52:47.000 Who said that?

01:52:49.000 It looked like Pamela Anderson.

01:52:50.000 Oh, that's who it is, of course.

01:52:52.000 Can we do the camera thing again?

01:52:53.000 Last time, so people can watch?

01:52:55.000 I like how that was a smart thing you did.

01:53:03.000 His part is cool, because I like some country music, and I think this is kind of interesting.

01:53:08.000 But man, when that bitch starts singing, it makes me want to curl up in a fetal position and take a nap.

01:53:13.000 I want to go back to the womb.

01:53:17.000 It just makes me like...

01:53:19.000 I've been fueling up on Coors Light and Jim being black.

01:53:24.000 And after this show, I'm gonna go do a little more of that.

01:53:35.000 Man, he sounds like a country rock star.

01:53:37.000 Yeah, he is.

01:53:38.000 He does a lot of songs like that.

01:53:40.000 Last album was all country.

01:53:42.000 Really?

01:53:43.000 He's a bad motherfucker.

01:53:49.000 I like his shit, man.

01:53:52.000 I like his country music.

01:53:54.000 But here's what gets you.

01:53:58.000 Come on, Cheryl.

01:54:02.000 Is this an original song or a cover?

01:54:04.000 I think it's an original song, but I don't know.

01:54:06.000 I could be wrong.

01:54:07.000 Could be some shit from the 40s.

01:54:08.000 Yeah, it's original.

01:54:10.000 Kid Rock wrote it.

01:54:11.000 Did he?

01:54:12.000 Really?

01:54:13.000 I believe so.

01:54:13.000 Powerful Kid Rock.

01:54:16.000 Here it comes.

01:54:35.000 I love her voice.

01:54:46.000 We're watching Chick Zingers.

01:54:47.000 I got a soft spot for Sheryl Crow.

01:54:50.000 There's a lot of pissed off people out there right now.

01:54:54.000 What the fuck happens?

01:54:55.000 They're growing tits!

01:54:57.000 We gotta take it back to...

01:54:58.000 You know what?

01:55:00.000 We need to balance it.

01:55:01.000 You need to put the new Slayer just for like two bars.

01:55:04.000 It's not a good version of it anyway, man.

01:55:06.000 The best version is a studio version.

01:55:07.000 You need to put Angel of Death on really quick.

01:55:09.000 Her fucking voice is so awesome.

01:55:10.000 You guys should keep going.

01:55:12.000 No, we're done.

01:55:13.000 Oh, it's 420. Get out of here.

01:55:15.000 Best time to end, 420. We're sorry we subjected you to that music, but we smoked marijuana.

01:55:20.000 It sounded really awesome to us, and we thought it would have been a fun thing to do.

01:55:24.000 I still love Sheryl Crow's music.

01:55:26.000 Sorry about that, all you carcass and creator fans.

01:55:28.000 But I like Nas, too, son, and much respect to the fleshlight.

01:55:33.000 Fleshlight.com or go to Joe's website and click on Fleshlight to get 15%.

01:55:36.000 Much respect to Eddie Bravo, Jiu Jitsu master, music producer.

01:55:40.000 You can catch him, Eddie Bravo on Twister, at Eddie Bravo.

01:55:43.000 What?

01:55:43.000 Much respect to Mad on Twister?

01:55:46.000 What did you say?

01:55:46.000 Twitter.

01:55:47.000 Eddie on Twitter.

01:55:48.000 Did I say Twister?

01:55:49.000 Twister.

01:55:49.000 That's his nickname, is the Twister.

01:55:51.000 Eddie Bravo on Twitter, and you find him on MySpace.

01:55:53.000 You still rocking MySpace?

01:55:55.000 I go there once every 10 days just to peek in.

01:55:59.000 I got friends.

01:56:00.000 It's a mess.

01:56:00.000 So many profiles have been deleted.

01:56:02.000 My top friends are like, dudes, I don't even know.

01:56:04.000 And they're like, damn, you got me on your top friends list.

01:56:08.000 That's cool.

01:56:08.000 I gave up.

01:56:09.000 I gave up a while ago.

01:56:11.000 There's certain trends you just feel compelled to follow in abandoning MySpace, even though it helped me quite a bit.

01:56:16.000 As soon as Jordy Fox left, our pal Jordy, who worked over there, as soon as Jordy left, I'm like, all right, I'm done.

01:56:21.000 Well, I send people that want to listen to my music.

01:56:23.000 My music videos are up there.

01:56:24.000 They're not on Facebook.

01:56:25.000 So if you want to check out my music, myspace.com slash thetwister.

01:56:29.000 Why don't you have a section of your website that's just dedicated to that?

01:56:31.000 We're about to do it.

01:56:32.000 It's about to drop.

01:56:33.000 New website's about to drop.

01:56:34.000 In about a week or two, we've got the new website going up.

01:56:37.000 Meanwhile, it's still going to be 10thplanetjj.com, so it's all good.

01:56:40.000 We're good to go.

01:56:47.000 We're good to go.

01:56:58.000 We're good to go.

01:57:01.000 Come on down!

01:57:03.000 And thank you for all the birthday wishes, and thanks for tuning into the podcast every week, and thanks for tuning into this one, our extra special Happy Birthday Day podcast.

01:57:11.000 I hope you enjoyed it.

01:57:12.000 Sorry we made you listen to Sheryl Crow, but I really like it.

01:57:17.000 Later, bitches.

01:57:18.000 Later.

01:57:19.000 See you guys next week.

01:57:20.000 I love you.

01:57:20.000 Red Band.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 10, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #35 -- Joey Diaz & Eddie Bravo

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