Tony Hinchcliffe joins the show to talk about his new comedy club gig in San Francisco, The Punchline in Sacramento, and his upcoming show at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles on May 5th and 6th. He also talks about his upcoming stand-up comedy show at the Comedy Store on May 3rd and 4th, and what it's like to be a standup comedian in a small town in the big city. We also talk about the new World War Z movie that's coming out in theaters on May 16th and 17th. And of course, we talk about our upcoming comedy club gigs and who we think is going to be our guest on the show. And we talk a lot of other stuff, too! Enjoy the episode and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform so you never miss an episode. XOXO, EJ & Muff - The EJ Show is a production of Native Creative Podcasts. This episode is brought to you by Native Creative, a local San Francisco comedy club located in the heart of the heartland of the Bay Area, and is a great place to hang out and have a good ol' time. . . . and we hope you enjoy it! - EJ and Muff have a great rest of your day. - Muff and Brian EJ is a good friend of the EJ's . and Brian is a really good guy. Ej is a friend of mine and I hope you all enjoy this episode. EJ has a great time in this episode, and it s to be kind of like that makes you feel good about it. Thank you EJ. and I know you're going to like it. Ej has a good time! -- -- EJ -- Muff & Brian -- Thank you so much EJ -- -- and I'm looking forward to seeing you all in the next episode of the Death Squad Podcast. -- BONUS EPISODES! (Thank you, Muff, Brian and EJ, Ej & EJB (and EJ does a bunch of other people's work, too. ) , EJ gives me a shoutout on his new book "Pointless" in the podcast, and I can't wait to see you in the future! , and I love you!
00:00:14.000With my man Tony Hinchcliffe, who has never been an individual guest on the podcast before, but we've done podcasts before under the Ice House Chronicles, which, by the way, is available on the Death Squad label on iTunes, as well as the hilarious Kevin Pereira's podcast called Pointless.
00:00:32.000Muff said, if you want to hear chicks talk about sucking dicks and stuff.
00:01:33.000And so they are at Cobbs on Sunday, May 5th and May 3rd and 4th.
00:01:38.000They're at the Punchline in Sacramento.
00:01:41.000And if you've never been to the Punchline in Sacramento, if you've never been to a comedy club, The Punchline in Sacramento is like one of the perfect comedy clubs to go to because it's been around forever.
00:01:51.000This is one of those places like, I don't remember the first time I worked there, but it was well over a decade ago.
00:01:56.000It's a badass old school comedy club and some great, great, great comedy has been done on that stage.
00:02:03.000Perfectly set up, really intimate seating.
00:02:05.000So it's a badass place to see three very funny guys.
00:02:08.000So May 3rd and 4th at The Punchline in Sacramento and May 5th at Cobb's in...
00:02:29.000Because the reason being, say if you're doing a show like this, we might have a friend that's in town that says, hey, I want to do the show.
00:02:35.000But they don't want to advertise because they have a committed gig within X amount of miles, within X amount of months.
00:02:43.000And sometimes you're not supposed to say that you're doing a gig.
00:04:14.000I just want to make sure that what we're selling is a good product.
00:04:16.000So I get all these emails and tweets, tweets especially sometimes, about Ting, about people saying how much money they're saving on Ting.
00:04:27.000One guy, I talked about it a couple of weeks ago, he wrote that he chopped his bill down from 90 bucks to like 18. I don't know how the fuck he did it.
00:07:11.000Nowadays, though, it's crazy because T-Mobile's, you know, their new towers are pretty advanced and they don't have the fucking, you know, bandwidth hogs that, you know, AT&T and Verizon, their bandwidth, I mean, so many people are on their network.
00:07:23.000When something goes down, half the people have Verizon or AT&T. They're not going to have cell phone service, but then you have T-Mobile guys that are like, oh, I'm fine.
00:08:38.000You're going to really learn how to put all that shit in and it's going to be all fucked up and then you're going to try to Look at it on Windows Internet Explorer and it's going to look like shit.
00:11:14.000But when it comes to history, he's been putting together, like forever, he's been putting together these history podcasts And they're like a show.
00:11:23.000It's not like a podcast, like this sloppy, unorganized mess that I try to fucking serve up to you fucks.
00:11:31.000Dan Carlin puts on a goddamn show, and he puts it on in this really entertaining way and gives you this thorough history of all these events, but really exciting stuff.
00:12:53.000If you go to audible.com forward slash Joe, you can try Audible free for 30 days and get a free audio book.
00:13:03.000Not just that, they also have stand-up comedy on there.
00:13:05.000They have a huge selection of audio entertainment.
00:13:09.000Not just books, but podcasts like Hardcore History and And so many other really interesting things to listen to, including our pals Opie and Anthony.
00:14:03.000They're talking about armies that were coming towards China, where the Mongols had been, and in the distance they thought they saw snow-covered mountains, but when they got close they realized they were mounds of bones.
00:14:17.000The Mongols had killed 10 million people in this one town.
00:14:23.000They came to this gigantic state and just killed 10 million people.
00:14:30.000I mean, horrific, terrifying, just the idea that at one point in time, just in the 1200s, relatively short amount of time ago, there was a guy who brought a bunch of other dudes with him on horseback and just fucked up the whole world.
00:14:48.000Banded together, took hostages, took the hostages, pushed them to the front lines so the hostages would literally lead the way and people would be defending their towns, having to shoot arrows at their own friends who had been kidnapped, their own loved ones,
00:15:09.000It's terrifying to think that just a thousand years ago, not even, there was a dude who figured out a way to get hundreds of thousands of mass murderers to work together.
00:15:22.000Hundreds of thousands of serial killers, hundreds of thousands of brutal rapists, hundreds of thousands of ruthless, remorseless murderers, and they got together on horseback.
00:16:23.000They ate each other if they got too hungry.
00:16:26.000They would draw straws, maybe, or figure out how they would figure out, you know, if someone was going to sacrifice themselves so that the army could go on and they would slaughter them and eat them and cook them.
00:18:13.000These are designed for functional, athletic improvement.
00:18:18.000All these things that we're selling, like kettlebells and battle ropes, they're all for what's best to develop what they call functional strength.
00:22:11.000Tony is an up-and-coming young stand-up.
00:22:15.000One of my favorite things in life, for real, this really is absolutely true, is when I don't know about someone and then I find out that they're funny.
00:25:35.000I was just riding my bicycle from open mic to open mic.
00:25:38.000How many guys that started out with you, you know, we all have kind of like groups of people that we sort of start off around a similar time and then you watch each other either fall off or give up or some people get through the net.
00:25:52.000How many people with your class do you think got through?
00:25:56.000With my true class, I'd probably say about a good...
00:25:59.000It's a tough one because we're still pooling, you know what I mean?
00:26:03.000You still don't know who can make like a bit, throw a right hook right at the end before they drop out and have a new 15 minutes that crushes and it's a breakthrough.
00:26:10.000But I'd probably guess about 7 or 10, right around there.
00:26:39.000Like Chappelle once said, he was doing a spot on stage one night in the OR, really late, crushing, making it look like, I mean, it was just unbelievable.
00:26:48.000And three or four hours in, he goes to the back of the room, he goes, hey, how many of you guys are LA Comics?
00:26:53.000And a lot of people clap, and he goes, but how many of you are, like, work here at the Comedy Store and started here at the Comedy Store?
00:27:00.000There was just two or three of us that collabed, and he goes, you guys are insane.
00:27:04.000He was performing to a lot of comedians.
00:27:07.000The thing with him coming back a few years ago was the audience that got to be there was there, but the back of the room filled up to the gills.
00:27:16.000And he said that it's like learning how to dribble in the NBA, starting comedy at the Comedy Store.
00:27:23.000But if you think about that, start learning how to dribble in the NBA and you're just used to the motion of a thousand miles an hour, then...
00:27:35.000You know, it's a more difficult but also more rewarding pursuit.
00:27:41.000You know, you can take an easy route through life or you can, you know, I mean, it's not as hard as being a Navy SEAL, let's be honest.
00:27:48.000You know, even though doing comedy is hard and a lot of people don't ever figure it out, it's not nearly as hard as doing something you hate and being stuck working 40 hours a week at this job for the rest of your life until your heart stops beating because you have no passion.
00:28:11.000And then I got the job working at the Comedy Store a couple months in as a door guy, so I started getting spots a lot there, which is what I wanted.
00:28:17.000You know what the problem with a story like yours is?
00:28:38.000Sometimes I wonder, out of all the times I get asked this from somebody that wants to start stand-up, it's like, you have to really have a crazy mind ingrained in you.
00:28:47.000It's not something you start and learn.
00:28:48.000Like, I... I was in trouble every class in school.
00:30:26.000Luckily with the age gap, like they were in college when I was, you know, in kindergarten and stuff.
00:30:30.000What was interesting about that is I definitely think it played a role because I was hanging out with 20 year olds when I was a little kid.
00:30:37.000And they probably thought it was really funny when you talked shit too.
00:31:11.000Right, but then I just got good at being bad at magic.
00:31:14.000Yeah, it's a funny thing when you see someone who grew up in a weird spot.
00:31:19.000I think all of us, like every comic I know, grew up in some sort of a weird situation where some basic need wasn't fulfilled, so it creates this weird personality.
00:31:33.000When it doesn't create that weird personality, it just creates fucked up people.
00:31:38.000If you don't put it to use creating something, that weird energy that comes out of a weird life, that shit will haunt you.
00:31:46.000That can wreck your life if you're one of those really creative people or more impulsive people and doesn't do anything about it, doesn't focus it on something.
00:31:56.000And that's an interesting point because with me, I didn't have any creative outlet until...
00:32:03.000Like after high school, because the theater woman always wanted me to join theater.
00:33:58.000And I somehow was just digging myself out by calling out how terrible it was.
00:34:05.000I was basically saying, wow, I just blanked out.
00:34:07.000And I've been getting ready for this for so long.
00:34:11.000And so I just ended up doing what actually ended up sort of becoming my style, which is like calling out Whatever's happening in the room, except I was just joking about me bombing.
00:34:22.000You kind of have to call out what's happening in the room, right?
00:34:37.000Anything can happen at the Comedy Store.
00:34:40.000For example, when we did that show in Indianapolis, and I came out, and I'm looking at the masses of people, but the first thing that I noticed to my left is this lady lit up next to the stage that's doing sign language to the audience,
00:34:56.000and I just couldn't help but to start It started just with, I've never performed in front of one of these people before.
00:35:03.000I've always wondered what that would be like.
00:35:04.000And then I'm noticing that she has to keep up with everything that I'm saying.
00:35:08.000I went off on this whole run about it.
00:38:00.000I was watching some parts of it, because at one point when you were on, I walked around and sort of was watching from this side ledge area, and I noticed that when you said the word at one point, black cock, this guy had to do this thing,
00:44:04.000Doesn't he have a, like, he had, like, things he would write down, like, D-G-E-A-T-D-G! Like, there was, like, you know, there was, like, a redneck vocabulary.
00:44:19.000Have you ever seen that show Swamp People where they're just alligator hunting?
00:44:49.000But when you watch these people on these shows, these alligator hunting shows, first of all, you realize how many fucking alligators there are.
00:44:58.000Because they're killing a shitload of them.
00:45:00.000You know, they have like a tag that they can fill.
00:45:03.000I don't remember what the guy was saying, but it was like, I think it was like 500 or something.
00:45:08.000Let's find out alligator tag limits in Florida.
00:45:13.000We didn't talk how was being in Texas during all that fucking bomb shit and fertilizer things.
00:46:14.000Where we're at now in the news, it's all purely speculation because the brother's dead, and the youngest brother, he got shot in the throat.
00:46:23.000Apparently the only way he's communicating is writing things down.
00:46:27.000How is something I just don't understand?
00:46:29.000And of course, there's a million people online that are shouting out false flag, false flag, the government's trying to take our weapons away and tighten down security and that's why this is happening.
00:46:48.000It seemed normal, but then he would throw in little things like fuck the police or something like Mohammed something type shit.
00:46:55.000Well, I think if you're going to paraphrase a guy who's a fucking murderer, the least you could do is go to his Twitter page, you lazy fuck, and actually read the nutty tweets that the guy said.
00:47:28.000The whole thing sounds like, and people are crying out conspiracy, but one thing you have to realize about information whenever there's a tragedy or whenever there's anything that's like really scary like this, you know, there's a terrorist bombing, is people panic.
00:47:40.000And you get a whole bunch of different versions of the truth.
00:47:43.000And it's not a conspiracy a lot of times, it's just no one knows what the fuck is going on, everybody's terrified, and stories spread very quickly.
00:47:51.000Like, they thought at one point in time that one of the suspects was a missing university student from Brown.
00:47:57.000And he was, I believe he was an Indian young man, and his family had been looking for him for like a month, and they distributed this video, and people were saying this is one of the suspects, that this is what happened, that he'd become like a jihadist and left.
00:48:48.000It's like, man, that is one of the worst things for the cause of questioning things.
00:48:53.000And if you ever wanted to be a good disinformation agent, what you do is the moment that anything happens, start yelling and screaming that it's a conspiracy and expose every single aspect of it.
00:49:08.000That would be the best way for the government to protect themselves from any thoughts of being labeled, you know, as being a part of a conspiracy because there's so many nutty people that do that with every single event that it's like they've cried wolf, you know?
00:49:26.000I was so nervous with Greg Fitzsimmons that night because he was actually down there doing shows and I text him and he said that and the shows were cancelled and he was just in his bed.
00:50:42.000And I guess it's better to do it that way where it eventually sorts itself out.
00:50:47.000But people that would step in and sabotage that process and create disinformation, like a government agency could be pretty fucking successful at doing that, I think.
00:50:57.000And there's probably a bunch of people that are hired to do that shit all the time.
00:51:01.000I've been accused of it myself, but I will tell you that it is incorrect.
00:51:06.000And then I think, like in those Starsky and Hutch movies, like when someone would say, or a TV show, right?
00:51:15.000They used to have to, remember in the old days, like someone would say, if you're a cop, you got to tell me, like when someone's an undercover cop.
00:51:20.000And remember, it was like, there was a secret password.
00:51:42.000But, you know, that's probably some disinformation the cops put out.
00:51:48.000There was an accusation recently that the DEA put out a false paper about them not being able to track people by using iMessage, because iMessage is over the internet.
00:52:00.000And so there was an article on a tech site, like if you're planning to sell drugs, do it through iMessage.
00:52:07.000Because the DEA says it can't read it.
00:53:49.000So if you're some crazy sociopathic fuck that just so happens to be an undercover cop and you want to talk people into doing shit for you so you can arrest them, we need to put you in a cage.
00:55:05.000Yeah, but even that, you know, what's fucked up about that is like, what if you got like a really weak dude and he's a pedophile and he's gone through like...
00:55:14.000You know, counseling, and he's got, like, all this, you know, shit that's heavy in his head, but he's gonna figure out a way to never abuse again.
00:55:23.000Like, he got out of jail, and he's trying to go through counseling, he's trying to straighten himself out, and then along comes that fucking To Catch a Predator show, and they just troll his ass.
00:55:34.000I don't know how they get people to get into their site and chat with them and shit like that.
00:59:26.000That's got to wear on your soul to just even see these people over and over again and being in their presence when you know most of them are probably...
00:59:32.000I mean, I guess this isn't their first time.
00:59:35.000I would assume this isn't their first time.
00:59:37.000They probably already had sex with young kids already.
00:59:40.000So you watch that, it's got to be a really depressing view of the world.
00:59:47.000There's only so many different things you can expose yourself to in a 24-hour time period, and you've got 365 of those 24-hour time periods in a year, and you've got 100 of those years if you keep your shit together, but most likely no.
01:00:00.000And you're going to spend time hanging around pedophiles all the time?
01:00:04.000And it's one thing if you're a guy and that's your job to pull them off the street, but I'm not exactly sure what good it does making a show out of that.
01:00:15.000Except scare the fuck out of everybody and make us aware.
01:00:18.000But I feel like, you know, not that I mind them being outed because it's such a heinous crime against humanity, but man, it seems like a fucked up thing to broadcast, you know?
01:00:31.000It's like, what do we want to concentrate on?
01:00:32.000It's one thing to work on cleaning that up, but as a piece of entertainment programming, you're going to concentrate on someone who wants to victimize children, and you're just going to focus on that a lot.
01:00:43.000I think it was a hit because, you know, they're the ultimate bad guys.
01:02:25.000It's interesting the way we label things, you know?
01:02:28.000And it's interesting, okay, any conspiracy theory aside, that all these nutty ideas that are floating around, one thing we know for sure, there was bombs that a person put in place that killed a bunch of people that didn't do anything wrong.
01:02:46.000And we have to figure out how the fuck that happens.
01:02:51.000And I know that sounds super simplistic, but as a human, as a species that's evolving, clearly, as we were talking about the Mongols earlier, and like what they used to do a thousand years ago, like our most heinous acts pale in comparison to those of our ancestors.
01:03:10.000But when something like this happens, you realize that people are still capable Of such embarrassing, ruthless stupidity, arrogance, and just horrific insensitivity towards their fellow man.
01:03:31.000The idea that you could just take a bunch of people you don't know and kill them and maim them and you just were in the wrong spot at the wrong time and I got a message.
01:03:41.000And there's only one thing that gets people to do that, folks, by the way.
01:03:48.000It could either be a religion or it could be a cult or it can be, you know, some group that you belong to that's sworn allegiance to a certain code or set of rules.
01:03:57.000But that's the only way you get people to do shit like that.
01:04:00.000If they don't have an ideology, they just don't do that.
01:04:04.000There's no evolutionary benefit to doing that other than pleasing a group of other like-minded psychopaths.
01:04:12.000Someone, you have to be Amongst a group of people that have very specific beliefs that above all else take precedent so that you're willing to put your humanity aside for your crazy beliefs in a completely irrational display of destructive power and that you can kill innocents.
01:04:36.000That only comes from ideology and we get really lost when we start talking about Religious freedom and religion and, you know, and atheists are guilty of this just as much as really religious people are.
01:04:51.000Because whether you call it being a Muslim, whether you call it being a Buddhist, whether you call it being a vegan, whether you call it being a Christian, whether you call it being a Republican, whether you call it being a Democrat, whether you call it being a progressive, when you lock yourself in anything,
01:05:09.000you become a part of something that's almost been decided for you.
01:05:18.000You lock into a pre Arrange set of opinions on things and some of them are batshit fucking crazy and just like the Mongols got a hundred thousand motherfuckers to roam across Russia and Europe and China and slaughter millions of people you can't do that unless you got a cause you can't do that unless you're part of a group you can't do that unless your group is separate from the
01:05:48.000other groups And the only way that ever works is someone's got to talk you into that shit.
01:06:10.000Well, I think the false flag people are thinking that Somebody gave them all this stuff and that they were talked into doing it and that it was a plan to erode civil liberties, that they would sacrifice a few Americans and clamp down on laws.
01:06:24.000This really is classically what military leaders have been doing since the beginning of time.
01:06:30.000Like we were talking about, armies in the past would actually sacrifice soldiers and slaughter them so that the rest of the people could eat.
01:07:13.000But it's an honest appreciation for what she does because Oprah, like, you know, I had a friend who worked for her and he was like, man, she's like super, um, do you got to pee?
01:08:14.000One super aggressive, contagious, negative person can actually affect a company.
01:08:18.000I think that's why it's important that, I mean, companies have been really focused on that.
01:08:24.000I think ones that are really aware of the social structure within their organization, they want to make sure that you don't get, like, a really negative, downer-type person in any sort of a role.
01:08:35.000Because if you get them, you know, they can really infect, like, if they're, especially if you had some guy, like, you're working on a big project, you got some one guy who's leading it, and he's a douchebag, and everybody shows up at work, like, ugh!
01:08:47.000There's very few things in life worse than being stuck, like working in a job that sucks with a boss who's an asshole, right?
01:08:55.000Why are all bosses mostly assholes too?
01:09:46.000But when I was in high school, my friend Chris, he – one of the things about Boston, about growing up in Boston, Boston is like a really – they have a lot of ingenuity.
01:09:56.000There's a lot of like – people get shit done.
01:09:59.000There's like a strong work ethic there.
01:10:01.000Like, clearly, way stronger work ethic than I ever experienced here in California.
01:10:06.000Like, people are so used to getting up in the morning, shoveling their car out from the snow.
01:14:59.000Especially if the guy didn't have a gun permit.
01:15:01.000I guess it really depends on the gun law.
01:15:04.000Maybe you could do it if you gave him the gun and said, whatever you do, do not shoot yourself in the head right now on TV. Give him a little smile and a wink.
01:15:17.000There was this weird comic at the store last night.
01:15:25.000I did something for Michael Jackson or something, but he had this huge Wikipedia that just goes off about how brilliant this guy is and how much money he has.
01:18:38.000Yeah, but by the time she was doing this, I mean, who knows how old she was in that picture, but the one that you see today bears no resemblance.
01:18:48.000Yeah, I had no idea who she was, and we were shooting something at Hollywood and Highland one night in that crazy, like, area.
01:18:57.000And all of a sudden she pulls up and people were like, oh my god, there's Angeline!
01:19:01.000And it took, I had no idea who this was and it took like four people 20 minutes to be able to explain to me what the big thing with her.
01:20:51.000I remember when she pulled up she had her face covered with like some kind of like one of those Asian fans yeah and she she was mysterious yeah whoa yeah that's a that's a strange strange world we live in my friends man if I was a porn star hot chick porn star I would buy a pink Corvette and be her new competition oh that would be so rude you could call yourself Angelone yeah Or Angelina.
01:21:18.000That's a good idea, though, because that's how she got her attention, to sing that, you know, Pink Corvette.
01:22:16.000If you didn't have those stories, then you wouldn't have those awkward moments.
01:22:20.000And if you didn't have those awkward moments, you wouldn't have some really hilarious shit to talk about when everyone else is drunk as well and they can understand what you're saying.
01:22:28.000That's why drunks have the best stories.
01:22:31.000The being drunk, drunk stories, when they can just really cut loose and be free and not worried about it.
01:22:36.000I had friends from back in the Boston days that have the best stories when they're drunk.
01:22:40.000And then somewhere along the line, those fucks become Alcoholics Anonymous people.
01:22:47.000I feel like I'm going to have to start getting into Alcoholics Anonymous soon, just being at the comedy store, going to a comedy club so much, you just have to fucking drink.
01:22:54.000Me and Tony battle with this almost every single night, where we're like, have you got a drink yet?
01:23:02.000You know what's interesting about, you know, it's like either the night's going great and you want a drink to celebrate, or it's a fucking boring night and you want a drink to have more fun.
01:23:13.000So it's like, there's never a time where I'm just like in the middle, like, you know what?
01:23:21.000If you do it every night that you have a show, though, man, it really can wear on you.
01:23:25.000Well, you know, I'm very lucky because on my end of it, I'll sometimes only have a half a drink or one drink because I'm very little and I'm very reactive.
01:23:37.000How many beers does it take to get you fucked up?
01:29:06.000It's the adrenaline that you get when you get pulled over.
01:29:08.000I would imagine that would have some sort of a recuperative effect.
01:29:11.000Like if you're driving a little shitty because you're kind of hammered and you get pulled over and it might jolt you into a position where you could possibly perform the test a little better than you could be.
01:29:22.000But it's not going to make you less drunk, right?
01:29:27.000Yeah, I think it's just entirely too low to blanket that that's considered a DUI. Because, I mean, you know, if you go out to dinner and you have a drink, like a margarita, and the bartender, like, pours it stronger than normal,
01:29:43.000Are you saying that just having one margarita with dinner, you should go to jail and get all these things on your license that you think you're going to run into, plow into a school of children?
01:30:10.000You really should let people know what the fuck you're serving them.
01:30:13.000And if you're serving them some margarita that's got twice the alcohol in it and you're trying to get customers that way, You could fuck somebody up if they know exactly how they usually rock it.
01:30:22.000They have this thing, I'm good for one margarita, and then I back the fuck off, and then I get home and I'm fine.
01:30:27.000And then all of a sudden the guy's hammered, driving home, he doesn't know what happened.
01:30:30.000It's because you essentially doubled his dose.
01:31:01.000To be safe when you're operating a vehicle, I mean, the idea that you would operate a vehicle with your body all fucking half there, that's so scary to me.
01:31:20.000I would like to find out what it feels like to be at an 08 and do any of those tests.
01:31:27.000I want to know, what is it like if they say, I'm not going to drive, but get me to the limit, give me a breathalyzer, say, okay, you're at 08 now.
01:31:35.000Whether it's three drinks or two drinks, and now make me do your stuff.
01:32:06.000But then again, telling people that 08 or 09 is the limit means that's probably where most people who are not in the best shape or don't have the best talents for alcohol, where they start to falter.
01:32:19.000So if you're making a public policy, that's probably a good idea to do it on the conservative side.
01:34:36.000Well, I'm going to see the picture of his hand because it's so silly.
01:34:40.000You know, Rowdy Rowdy Piper started coming by the Comedy Store a couple years ago, and once in a while he'll swing in and he's friends with a few of us there.
01:34:47.000And man, he's so great at hanging out and telling stories.
01:34:51.000And one of the stories that he told us was about Andre the Giant, because everybody always goes, you know, because they did the road together for a decade or whatever.
01:34:59.000And he talks about how one time they were at a bar, and there were these college kids.
01:35:06.000They're like, hey, you know, fuck you, Andre the Giant.
01:35:11.000But they're drinking beers, and that one time a kid drinks a beer, throws the empty can at the back of Andre the Giant's head, and he goes, don't do that again.
01:35:19.000And then later on, he takes an empty can and he throws it at the back of Andre the Giant's head.
01:36:37.000They lie just to make guys look bigger.
01:36:40.000But that guy was, like, legitimately enormous.
01:36:43.000Like, in a real wrestling match, he would beat everybody.
01:36:45.000I also heard a thing that that big body slam that was, like, from the big WrestleMania 2 where Hulk Hogan body slams the ultimate bad guy, Andre the Giant.
01:39:16.000If you guys don't know about it, the House of Representatives passed CISPA, which is the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act, by a 288 to 127 vote And it's – the idea is supposedly that it's meant to enhance national security by facilitating the sharing of electronic information between like this – I'll quote it – between say a private company and the government.
01:39:47.000And the way they describe it is that if the government – like, say, if a private company and the government deem threatening the bill's opponents maintain, it will make sharing of personal private information far too easy.
01:40:02.000So this – I guess the idea is – what is the main – The main idea behind this bill is that they're going to be able to see every website you've ever visited.
01:40:14.000Every website will be able to share the information of different people that have gone to them.
01:40:57.000It's like, if he was a white guy, people would be fucking furious.
01:41:02.000If he was a white guy of privileged background and he made the choices that he's made as far as, like, bailing out the banks, as far as passing the NDAA, not vetoing it, All these different things that have happened, the drones, all these different things that have happened while he was in office,
01:41:17.000if he was a white guy of privilege, he would be getting crucified.
01:42:04.000It just seems like if he really could change things, if he really could influence this society, how's the time to do something?
01:42:15.000Instead of just these speeches, sort of reactionary speeches dealing with each and every issue, whether it's Sandy Hook or whether it's this Boston thing, like...
01:42:26.000I wonder what, if anything, could be done to sort of enact a change in a culture, a plea for a change in a culture.
01:42:42.000And if anybody could do that, it's got to be the president.
01:42:45.000And the president addresses, he does these national speeches where he addresses policies, and he addresses National affairs as far as security affairs and threats and various things along those lines.
01:43:01.000But what this country really fucking needs, they need a different...
01:43:08.000Not a different person, but a different mantra.
01:43:12.000We need a new way of looking at things.
01:43:24.000Martin Luther King's speech, to this day that shit resonates.
01:43:28.000No one's doing the I have a dream today.
01:43:31.000Everyone's doing the we're all gonna get along and change and hope and, you know, and make it more affordable and healthcare for everyone and gay marriage, yay!
01:43:44.000No one has a speech about uniting humanity and getting us to understand that our lives really are truly only better when people around us lives are better as well.
01:43:56.000And that united, there's enough resources for everybody.
01:44:55.000I mean, maybe it really is an incredibly restrictive environment and he has no room to free ball and no room to go outside of what they want him to distribute his policy.
01:45:06.000I mean, I don't know what the fuck the situation's like, but if this world ever needed someone to speak up...
01:45:53.000I read something about it this morning.
01:45:54.000A lot of the way the government's set up – and I'm obviously not an expert on government – but I know that a lot of the way it's set up is that we have representatives and we can't all be there while policy is being dictated.
01:46:07.000So our representatives go there and they make sure that everything represents their constituents.
01:46:12.000But clearly, a better way to do all that is the internet.
01:46:15.000If anybody needed to be phased out, it's the majority of politicians that are involved in making laws.
01:47:16.000You learn a lot about, you know, even show business and networking overall from how these politicians operate because that's all that they're doing is playing gossip games and texting.
01:47:24.000It's a broken system and they're all criminals keeping us from the internet.
01:47:29.000They're trying to tighten down on this fucking system and what they don't want to do is admit that this could all be handled way better with voting online.
01:47:55.000That literally might be where the revolution lies, is getting people to vote online.
01:47:59.000Because they would essentially be giving up all of their tricks that they've been using over the past decades to manipulate how our people are picked, how our president's picked, how laws are passed.
01:48:27.000Like how quickly they would fucking shriek into the dark corners of the room when you open the drapes and take a good look at the real scenario.
01:48:34.000They're not trying to like give the people what they want.
01:48:36.000They're trying to profit off the current system.
01:48:38.000The current corrupt system as in place.
01:50:50.000It was the Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia.
01:50:54.000When I ordered the DVD, they found out we talked about it on the podcast.
01:50:58.000So the people that make it, they sent me these cool t-shirts.
01:51:01.000And one of them was that famous picture of Nixon meeting Elvis with his shaking hands.
01:51:06.000But they replaced Elvis' head with Jessica White and Nixon with the devil himself.
01:51:11.000And it says, like, the devil in cell, Jesco.
01:51:13.000And I wore it on Fox, and I got like a hundred tweets going, what the fuck are you wearing on TV? I didn't even think about it.
01:51:21.000But for a good portion of this knucklehead country, if you have a shirt on that has a devil's face and it says the devil, like, these dummies actually think that you, like, you're down with the devil.
01:54:37.000You're going to open up these envelopes.
01:54:39.000And then they start showing testimonials of people, and they're like, you know, I sent in my, or I read the letters, and then just a week later, I got a new house and a car.
01:54:48.000And then the next person was like, I got $200,000.
01:54:51.000And then this other one was like, a guy just walked up and gave me a check for $15 million.
01:54:56.000And it was like the most faking shit ever.
01:54:58.000And so then I started really researching this guy, and there's all these videos about him online.
01:55:04.000I guess he's been ripping people off for a long time, and one of the best videos is one where he just goes up and he goes, where's so-and-so?
01:55:55.000When you're down to being convinced that there's a miracle water out there that is going to come in the mail via the postal service and it's going to...
01:57:58.000One of the things that Peter Poffoff does, he also sends you a barley cake from the Bible, where it's kind of like the little bread you eat.
01:58:08.000And he goes, He goes in this commercial, he goes, and we make it with the exact ingredients that they say in the Bible and blah, blah, blah.
01:58:16.000But then if you look up Ezekiel 4.12 in the Bible, it says, And you should eat it as barley cakes and bake it using fuel of human waste.
01:59:30.000Yeah, Ezekiel was known for – there's a Bible quote that people bring up all the time when it's a UFO. I bet people were seeing a lot of things after eating shit.
01:59:42.000Yeah, they're eating fucking shit cakes all day, throwing up, almost dying.
02:00:07.000Because I got so obsessed with this minister that so when I found that out, I had tweeted something like Olive Garden was like Ezekiel 412 or something like that.
02:00:16.000And all these people got pissed off that I was doing Bible scriptures.
02:00:41.000And I looked, and behold, a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire enfolding itself in brightness was about it, and out of the midst thereof, as the color of amber out of the midst of the fire.
02:03:27.000If you talk to a linguist, they'll tell you that it started off, it was a spoken story for the longest time before anyone even wrote it down.
02:03:36.000And the Bible, many of the stories in the Bible probably existed before language or before written language.
02:03:43.000So like a lot of the stories in the Bible also, they're like really similar to the same stories of ancient Mesopotamia.
02:05:59.000Anyway, we've got to get out of here too.
02:06:00.000I've got to go see the premiere of Sirius, the Dr. Stephen Greer documentary, where he reveals the truth about the tiny little alien baby and whether or not it came from the planet Uranus.
02:06:11.000Will you please text me immediately or live text me during it?
02:06:16.000I need to know what's going on with this little alien.
02:06:18.000I will text you, but it is a show only for you.
02:06:21.000I will save the rest of it for when we talk on air.
02:06:25.000So do not expect live tweets or spoilers.
02:06:43.000So this Dead Sea Scrolls, this guy, John Marco Allegro, said after like 14 years of study that the entire Christian religion was really about fertility rituals and mushrooms.
02:06:57.000It was about tripping balls on psychedelic mushrooms, and it was about fertility treatments, or fertility festivals, and that they would, fertility rituals, and that becoming pregnant was the most important thing.
02:07:11.000Keeping a baby alive was really difficult, and becoming pregnant and having a child was the most important thing that they all looked forward to.
02:07:17.000There was a serious urgency to having children because People were fragile, you know?
02:07:23.000And they also knew a lot about the indigenous psychedelic plants, and especially what they think the Amanita muscaria mushroom, he thinks, was one of the big ones, and that these people just didn't want anybody else to know about it, so they hid their stories.
02:07:38.000They hid them in parables, and they hid their history of the use of this stuff.
02:07:46.000Really interesting stuff, and I'm way too stupid to understand whether he's right or whether the other people are right.
02:07:54.000He's not like one of those guys that's trying to justify mushroom use.
02:07:57.000There is something, the times that I've tried mushrooms, in which, I know it sounds stereotypical, but I really think there's something there.
02:08:05.000I mean, there's, like, definitely beyond science and rationale and what I've been told to expect and this and that.
02:08:13.000There's something extra wild about them.
02:09:25.000Because they're doing a lot of really good work and letting people know.
02:09:30.000They're a multidisciplinary association for psychedelic studies.
02:09:34.000And they're hitting them with hard science over and over and over again and showing how many people it could be beneficial for.
02:09:39.000And a lot of the people that are trying to hold it back, those people that are trying to hold it back, it would be beneficial to them as well.
02:09:46.000So what people don't understand is that your desire for your resistance to psychedelics is the very reason you need psychedelics in the first place.
02:09:54.000If you really understood what you were resisting, you're really holding God back.
02:10:21.000He had some crazy psychedelic experience.
02:10:23.000He probably ate some mushrooms or, you know, the Moses burning bush.
02:10:27.000Scholars to this day, actively in Jerusalem, there's a movement for scholars to recognize the possibility that Moses was on psychedelic drugs.
02:10:37.000And that's one of the reasons why it's all a burning bush.
02:10:40.000Like one of the big bushes that they That they associate with that area is the acacia tree.
02:10:46.000The acacia bush, rich in DMT. And if they figured out how to extract that shit and smoke it, Burning Bush is right there.
02:11:05.000Yeah, it sounds like what DMT would tell you.
02:11:07.000Like, it literally is exactly what DMT would tell you translated through the filters of time of thousands of years of various languages.
02:11:13.000But if some guy had some breakthrough experience back then that was trying to enlighten all the people around him, That's what he would say.
02:11:33.000I mean, when people exaggerate and tell stories, of course, a good 1,000 years of people explaining what happened, they're going to fuck it up and butcher it.
02:11:42.000What was the name of that Mel Brooks movie?
02:11:45.000It's one of my favorite scenes in comedy history when Mel Brooks is playing Moses and he comes around the corner with three tablets and goes, My lord, I give to you these fifteen, and he drops one.
02:12:04.000These quotes, I mean, again, I can't tell you if these quotes are really from the actual Dead Sea Scrolls, but it's really wild, crazy shit.
02:13:27.000So fucking hard to figure out what anybody really said.
02:13:32.000This stuff that I've been telling you about this Dan Carlin's Hardcore History that I've been listening to for the past couple of months, they don't even know what Genghis Khan looked like.
02:14:01.000I read a thing about that exactly, that they hired 50 people to bury Genghis Khan, and then they hired 100 people to kill those 50 people so that nobody knew where he was buried.
02:14:14.000Then they hired 500 people to kill those 100 people to kill the 50 people in case any of them told them a thing.
02:14:20.000And they would just ambush these groups of people that were under their own command in order to protect the secret of Genghis Khan.
02:20:44.000I started applying that during the day, and I figured, on top of writing my own stand-up, if I keep up this habit of writing for a few hours every day during the day...
02:22:20.000And like when I listen to a song, like some songs, there's like something about it, like there's a lyrical quality to like writing in songs that I started to realize somewhere along the line is applicable to comedy as well.
02:22:32.000Like when a joke is written correctly and a joke has a good economy of words and the right words to describe the right situations, it has like a rhythmic quality to it.
02:22:45.000And I think that's sort of That's sort of underestimated or overlooked by a lot of comedians.
02:22:51.000The impact that that sort of rhythm to the delivery has, the impact of it, I think is pretty substantial.
02:23:02.000It's like it's funny and it's also good and it's smooth.
02:23:06.000There's a lot of things to it that make it more enjoyable, more interesting to listen to.
02:23:10.000A perfect example of what you're talking about right now with the rhythm and like Timing and everything.
02:23:14.000Last night, I'm hosting at the Comedy Store.
02:23:17.000It's like 40 comedians, everybody that's new, and employees after that, and then paid regular, whatever.
02:23:22.000And in the middle of it, a cook, the Mexican guy, El Docho, who works the deep fryer at the Comedy Store, comes, hey man, I want to go on stage, and Disastrous.
02:25:19.000Because sometimes there's something that happened the first time you did it when it worked that you did before that you don't normally do that you forgot that you did and it worked because of that.
02:25:27.000I think a good thing for young comics to realize is that that's good.
02:28:25.000It's, you know, before anything was happening, you know, before when I was still not making money and before I was getting passed at the clubs in Hollywood and everything, it was...