The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #366

00:00:05.000 I like how you did that there, you fella.

00:00:07.000 I see what you did there.

00:00:09.000 Hey, everybody.

00:00:10.000 What the fuck is going on?

00:00:11.000 We're back.

00:00:13.000 Before we get going, we gotta get through our business points.

00:00:16.000 We gotta sell you on some shit that you don't want.

00:00:18.000 Or tell you about some shit that you've already heard about a hundred times before.

00:00:22.000 That's what we like to do.

00:00:23.000 We like to be repetitive and then bore the fuck out of you.

00:00:26.000 That way, when the podcast gets going, you're like, God, this is so much better than that fucking commercial.

00:00:32.000 It's the foreplay?

00:00:33.000 No, it's more the blue balls.

00:00:35.000 You know what it's like?

00:00:35.000 You know those insecure comics that would always bring terrible opening acts?

00:00:39.000 Yeah.

00:00:40.000 That's what that's like.

00:00:41.000 That's what it's like.

00:00:42.000 The commercials are our version of a terrible opening act.

00:00:46.000 One of our sponsors this week is Ting.

00:00:48.000 If you go to rogan.ting.com, they will offer you $25 off either cell phone service or one of their new Android phones.

00:00:56.000 Ting is a cell phone network that uses the Sprint backbone, but they have their own rules.

00:01:03.000 You don't have to have contracts.

00:01:04.000 They have great phones.

00:01:05.000 They have great deals.

00:01:06.000 Excellent international rates.

00:01:07.000 Brian had a A great time with them up in Canada.

00:01:10.000 It was like a fraction of what his AT&T bill was and he used it all the time.

00:01:13.000 The service is excellent.

00:01:15.000 It's not like a Mickey Mouse network at Sprint.

00:01:16.000 And they just have it set up so they buy time on Sprint and they give you a better deal.

00:01:20.000 They also credit you for unused minutes.

00:01:23.000 Like if you have a certain rate that you're going for a certain amount of minutes, If you use less than that, they knock you down to the lower number and then they credit you the difference on your next bill.

00:01:34.000 It's a super ethical company.

00:01:37.000 I like the idea behind it.

00:01:38.000 I don't like contracts.

00:01:39.000 I like the idea that you can get some of the best high-end Android phones, like the Samsung Galaxy S4 and the Note, that crazy fucking tablet phone.

00:01:50.000 They have that too.

00:01:51.000 So rogan.ting.com.

00:01:53.000 Save yourself some money.

00:01:55.000 Speaking of save yourself some money, ew, how gross it would be if that's how I did my commercials.

00:02:00.000 All serious like that.

00:02:01.000 Stamps.com is another one of our podcast sponsors.

00:02:04.000 If you buy any of Brian's t-shirts, you know, Brian Redband, who's not here right now, he's doing one of his comedy store podcasts.

00:02:11.000 He did all those Desk Squad t-shirts that you see with the kitty cat on them.

00:02:16.000 That's all his artwork, and he prints them up.

00:02:19.000 And then he sends them himself using Stamps.com.

00:02:21.000 And he openly says that if it wasn't for Stamps.com, there's no way he'd be able to do this because he'd have to wait in line at the post office and they have to measure each box and weigh each box.

00:02:30.000 It's annoying.

00:02:31.000 If you have a small business and you're trying to send things through the mail, Stamps.com is a fucking amazing resource.

00:02:38.000 You do all the shit on your computer.

00:02:42.000 You enter in the addresses.

00:02:44.000 You weigh it on a digital scale that they provide.

00:02:48.000 And when you print it out, you just stick that on your shit and then put it out for the postman and then you're done.

00:02:54.000 You don't have to go to the mailbox.

00:02:56.000 You don't have to weigh things and measure things in a line where a bunch of people are mad that you have all this shit.

00:03:02.000 If you go to Stamps.com, there's a microphone in the upper right-hand corner.

00:03:05.000 Click it.

00:03:06.000 Enter in the code word JRE and save yourself $110.

00:03:11.000 You get $55 in free postage coupons.

00:03:16.000 We're good to go.

00:03:31.000 I've never been in trouble with the law, Bobcat Goldthwait, because I'm a good boy.

00:03:35.000 I have been on many occasions.

00:03:38.000 Sure, of course.

00:03:38.000 I wonder if you could have used LegalZoom to get you out of trouble.

00:03:40.000 I don't know.

00:03:42.000 I set the Tonight Show on fire.

00:03:45.000 Yeah, I remember that, man.

00:03:47.000 Could LegalZoom help me?

00:03:49.000 Let's see.

00:03:50.000 Tonight Show on fire.

00:03:52.000 It was reduced to a misdemeanor.

00:03:57.000 I don't know what they ended up calling it, but yeah.

00:04:01.000 Could LegalZoom.com help a...

00:04:04.000 I wouldn't say I was an arsonist.

00:04:07.000 That was the thing.

00:04:08.000 It was part of a show.

00:04:09.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:04:10.000 I was an artist, not an arsonist.

00:04:12.000 An arsonist doesn't try to hide it.

00:04:14.000 Or an arsonist, rather, would try to hide it.

00:04:15.000 They wouldn't do it on camera in front of everybody.

00:04:18.000 And they get horny, too.

00:04:19.000 And I was really relaxed in the whole thing.

00:04:22.000 They get horny.

00:04:23.000 I bet they do.

00:04:23.000 Yeah, they do.

00:04:24.000 Do they get horny?

00:04:25.000 Arsonists do?

00:04:25.000 Yeah, that's the whole thing.

00:04:26.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:04:28.000 So what does LegalZoom do?

00:04:31.000 What LegalZoom does, it's not a law firm, but they provide self-help services at your specific direction.

00:04:41.000 They can also connect you with an independent attorney if you need additional guidance.

00:04:45.000 Now, if you go to LegalZoom, like everybody knows, going to a lawyer is very expensive.

00:04:49.000 And it's also very time-consuming.

00:04:51.000 And what they have done is sort of set it up so that You can go to LegalZoom and you can get businesses started.

00:04:59.000 You can incorporate, form an LLC, and you can do it for a lot cheaper than it would be to go to a lawyer.

00:05:06.000 You can legally protect your family and assets with LegalZoom.

00:05:09.000 You can write a will on LegalZoom.

00:05:12.000 In the past 12 years, over 2 million Americans have used LegalZoom and they've saved a ton of money.

00:05:18.000 The online process couldn't be easier.

00:05:20.000 And they'll take care of you from start to finish.

00:05:23.000 And you go to get a special discount from listening to this podcast.

00:05:26.000 Just make sure you enter Rogan in the referral box at checkout for more savings.

00:05:32.000 So remember, LegalZoom is not a law firm.

00:05:34.000 And they will provide you with a contact with an independent attorney.

00:05:39.000 They'll connect you.

00:05:40.000 If it gets squirrely and you're like, oh, I'm fucking going to jail.

00:05:43.000 Don't worry.

00:05:44.000 Just keep it together, bitch.

00:05:46.000 Three great ways to save money.

00:05:49.000 Could you get a divorce and then use stamps.com and then call the person and say, hey, did you get that divorce yet?

00:05:58.000 I'm in Canada right now and it's costing me a lot less.

00:06:02.000 I think you nailed it.

00:06:03.000 I think I got all your sponsors.

00:06:05.000 Take all her clothes and call stamps.com and weigh it on your scale and then send it to her.

00:06:10.000 And now that that's all done, I need a flashlight.

00:06:12.000 We don't use the flashlight anymore.

00:06:15.000 And a bonafide...

00:06:16.000 We've created a conundrum.

00:06:18.000 Oh no, I actually...

00:06:19.000 A bonafide spit take.

00:06:21.000 Miss a little, miss a lot.

00:06:24.000 I didn't realize.

00:06:26.000 Alright, I didn't want to bring up any sore spots.

00:06:28.000 Let's finish LegalZoom.

00:06:29.000 There's no sore spot.

00:06:30.000 It's all good.

00:06:31.000 Anyway, LegalZoom, for a will, it's only $69.

00:06:34.000 Wow.

00:06:34.000 That's a great deal.

00:06:35.000 You can't afford not to die at these prices.

00:06:37.000 You can't afford it at these prices.

00:06:39.000 It doesn't get any better, kids.

00:06:40.000 Now's the time.

00:06:41.000 I'm going to kill myself tonight because of these bargains.

00:06:44.000 Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself some money.

00:06:46.000 And we're always brought to you by Onnit.

00:06:48.000 But this commercial's gotten far too long, so I'm going to end it right there.

00:06:51.000 O-N-N-I-T is the company.

00:06:54.000 What do we sell?

00:06:55.000 Fitness equipment and supplements and healthy food and bee pollen made from killer bee honey and hemp protein powder.

00:07:04.000 We're good to go.

00:07:05.000 We're good to go.

00:07:37.000 This is officially where the serious satellite part starts.

00:07:41.000 The other part with the commercials is only on the internet.

00:07:45.000 That's why it seems like we don't need the music.

00:07:48.000 There's probably a better way to do this.

00:07:50.000 It's probably a real momentum killer too.

00:07:52.000 Doing the commercials as a part of the city while someone sits there.

00:07:55.000 I gotta tell ya, I wouldn't mind if you did them through the show because grandpa's gotta pee a lot and the last time I was on I didn't know I could get up.

00:08:02.000 Listen, any time you need to pee...

00:08:04.000 Don't worry about it.

00:08:04.000 I got a catheter this time.

00:08:06.000 Just drink a bucket.

00:08:07.000 Have you ever had a catheter?

00:08:08.000 No.

00:08:09.000 I bet it sucks.

00:08:09.000 Cheese and crackers.

00:08:10.000 Those are my two biggest things, is getting a catheter, which I got, so I'm over that.

00:08:15.000 And it really...

00:08:16.000 But by the time you need one, it's sweet relief.

00:08:19.000 It was the nicest thing anybody ever put in my pee hole.

00:08:21.000 By the way, the voice that you're hearing, that's Bobcat Goldthwait, ladies and gentlemen.

00:08:24.000 Yes.

00:08:24.000 I'm playing Bobcat Goldthwait tonight.

00:08:26.000 This is Bob Scratch Goldfarb, ladies and gentlemen.

00:08:29.000 Thanks for having me back on.

00:08:30.000 Oh, please.

00:08:30.000 Thanks for being.

00:08:31.000 I really fucking loved your Bigfoot movie, man.

00:08:34.000 Oh, thanks, man.

00:08:34.000 I watched it last night, and I was really psyched to watch it because I'm a Bigfoot dork.

00:08:38.000 I'm a Bigfoot dork from way back.

00:08:40.000 You know, I know that, but I also was a little...

00:08:43.000 You're the first person I gave it to that didn't see it with an audience.

00:08:46.000 I've been doing some screenings at film festivals and things.

00:08:49.000 Oh, wow.

00:08:49.000 And I thought it...

00:08:50.000 I was worried because I'm really happy you liked it because I didn't know if it would lose something sitting there by yourself.

00:08:56.000 No, no, no.

00:08:57.000 Because it's fun to watch the movie with an audience.

00:09:00.000 I was in Baltimore and it was beautiful because it was a really...

00:09:05.000 Baltimore is great.

00:09:06.000 So a really mixed crowd.

00:09:08.000 And I mean all races and all working classes and stuff come to this festival.

00:09:13.000 So I'm sitting behind...

00:09:14.000 It was beautiful through the movie.

00:09:16.000 I was sitting right next to a couple of black guys who were beautiful.

00:09:19.000 They were going crazy.

00:09:21.000 Bigfoot.

00:09:23.000 Bigfoot!

00:09:24.000 I can't tell you which part, but I was like, mm-hmm, Bigfoot!

00:09:27.000 And they were yelling, and it made me so happy.

00:09:29.000 Well, I had to ask you about something before we got on the air, because it was such a creepy movie.

00:09:34.000 There were so many moments, and I didn't want to give away any spoilers, so I knew.

00:09:37.000 I'm like, I've got to ask him this before the podcast starts.

00:09:39.000 Well, yeah, so I try not to talk about some of the things that are revealed, but I do talk about a lot of the movie.

00:09:46.000 I'm really happy.

00:09:47.000 Thank you.

00:09:47.000 I mean, this is the first review.

00:09:49.000 I mean, I got a couple...

00:09:50.000 I shouldn't say that.

00:09:50.000 There's some nice reviews online, but that's really nice.

00:09:53.000 I loved it.

00:09:54.000 I loved it.

00:09:54.000 And one of the things I loved about it is you were completely true to Bigfoot lore.

00:09:59.000 Like, you added in all the stuff that Bigfoot, like the knocking and the howling sounded exactly like a real Sasquatch, supposedly.

00:10:07.000 And I didn't go in...

00:10:09.000 To be snarky.

00:10:11.000 I mean, I think the movie's got stuff in it that's funny, but I wasn't trying to, you know, I wasn't trying to mock believers in Sasquatch.

00:10:19.000 I just, because of a couple of reasons.

00:10:22.000 One, I've always saw myself as an outsider, so why am I going to pick on one of the most picked-upon subcultures, you know?

00:10:28.000 I was talking to Dan Harmon, and we were breaking it down.

00:10:31.000 Like, in picked-upon or misunderstood groups, it goes like Ren Faire Enthusiasts, then it goes Taliban, And then Sasquatch enthusiasts.

00:10:41.000 As far as people will cut them some slack or try to understand where they're coming from.

00:10:45.000 Yeah, that's hilarious.

00:10:46.000 That's so true.

00:10:47.000 Poor Sasquatch hunters.

00:10:48.000 They don't catch a break ever.

00:10:50.000 Well, you know, I went to where the Patterson-Gimlin footage was shot.

00:10:54.000 And that was the germ of the whole movie for me, really.

00:10:58.000 It was me, since I was nine years old, wanting to go to that site.

00:11:02.000 And then I happened to make a movie.

00:11:04.000 But that's the reality of it.

00:11:06.000 I'd love to tell you I didn't well up, but I did.

00:11:08.000 I'm sure you did.

00:11:09.000 Of course you did.

00:11:09.000 I would too.

00:11:10.000 It's crazy.

00:11:11.000 I don't believe in that footage.

00:11:12.000 I think that Bob Patterson footage is utter horseshit.

00:11:15.000 Really?

00:11:16.000 But why?

00:11:17.000 Well, this will be good.

00:11:17.000 Well, first of all, because there was a guy that says he did it named Bob Hieronymus.

00:11:22.000 Yeah, Bob Hieronymus.

00:11:23.000 But Bob Hieronymus can't find it on a map, though.

00:11:26.000 He can't find Bluff Creek on a map.

00:11:27.000 Or he couldn't.

00:11:28.000 I mean, he's gone, but...

00:11:29.000 Yeah, well, just because there's a lot of places I've been and I couldn't find out a map.

00:11:33.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:11:33.000 I go home to Syracuse and I go, I know I lived here.

00:11:36.000 I know I lived on this street.

00:11:38.000 I know that's where Dougie Toole and I hit Danny with a shovel.

00:11:42.000 I went back to where I went to high school.

00:11:43.000 That sounds like I killed someone.

00:11:44.000 I want to clear that up.

00:11:45.000 I did not.

00:11:46.000 Where'd you go to high school?

00:11:47.000 Newton South, Massachusetts.

00:11:48.000 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:49.000 But you grew up in Jersey and Massachusetts?

00:11:52.000 No, no, no.

00:11:52.000 Jersey was born.

00:11:53.000 Born, yeah.

00:11:53.000 But I lived in San Francisco.

00:11:55.000 It was a long story, but age 1 through 7, I lived in New Jersey.

00:12:01.000 7 through 11, San Francisco.

00:12:03.000 11 through 13, Florida.

00:12:06.000 And then 13 through 25, probably, New York.

00:12:09.000 Boston.

00:12:10.000 And then New York.

00:12:12.000 So 25, New York.

00:12:13.000 27, LA. It keeps going.

00:12:14.000 It makes for an interesting person.

00:12:17.000 It makes you a very insecure child.

00:12:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:20.000 Were you the new kid every time?

00:12:21.000 Fuck everywhere, man.

00:12:23.000 Really?

00:12:23.000 Yeah, that's why I learned martial arts.

00:12:25.000 I got tired of people fucking with me.

00:12:26.000 Did they beat you up?

00:12:28.000 People always threatened to.

00:12:29.000 I got lucky that I avoided it.

00:12:32.000 But you're a funny guy.

00:12:33.000 I mean, didn't you use that?

00:12:34.000 I wasn't very funny.

00:12:36.000 I'm going to be honest.

00:12:37.000 I wasn't.

00:12:37.000 You could have had writers.

00:12:39.000 You know?

00:12:40.000 I mean, you know, sometimes you got good delivery.

00:12:44.000 I wasn't comfortable enough to be funny.

00:12:46.000 I probably would have been funny around people if I got to know them really well, but around class, I wasn't very comfortable.

00:12:52.000 So you're really quiet, and then getting picked on, and then you learn how to kick ass.

00:12:57.000 But how often did you actually have to use it?

00:12:59.000 Never.

00:13:00.000 Yeah, that's the thing, right?

00:13:01.000 I've gotten one fight in high school.

00:13:03.000 It was really quick.

00:13:06.000 I probably could have avoided it.

00:13:07.000 Sometimes I think about it, I could have avoided it.

00:13:09.000 And do you regret you didn't avoid it?

00:13:11.000 A little bit because I hurt the kid.

00:13:13.000 Sure.

00:13:14.000 I didn't hurt him bad.

00:13:17.000 How long was this fight?

00:13:19.000 It was pretty quick.

00:13:20.000 But it was at a point where...

00:13:23.000 I was competing.

00:13:25.000 I was competing a lot in martial arts tournaments.

00:13:28.000 So this guy hit you.

00:13:29.000 He was going to.

00:13:31.000 And you took him out.

00:13:32.000 Yeah.

00:13:32.000 With how many hits?

00:13:33.000 Okay, it was just one.

00:13:36.000 But that's kind of badass.

00:13:38.000 If you didn't know you could do that, you wouldn't respect it.

00:13:43.000 Well, it's also...

00:13:44.000 I probably did it to show off.

00:13:46.000 You know, I could have avoided it.

00:13:48.000 I could have avoided it.

00:13:49.000 I got you.

00:13:49.000 Like, even though he's kind of a dick.

00:13:51.000 Got you.

00:13:52.000 He's also a young kid, just like me.

00:13:53.000 We're both retarded.

00:13:54.000 Yeah, and it's just your own squirting out of your ears.

00:13:57.000 Yeah, you make mistakes.

00:13:59.000 Sometimes you start things you don't even want to finish, but you're stuck in a quagmire.

00:14:03.000 Yeah, and was there people around?

00:14:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:14:05.000 That had to be the last fight.

00:14:07.000 I mean, no one probably messed with you after that.

00:14:09.000 Well, I mean, people are always...

00:14:12.000 If you are looking for trouble, you're going to find trouble.

00:14:14.000 Right.

00:14:15.000 I never looked for trouble.

00:14:17.000 Right.

00:14:17.000 But when you're in high school, there's unavoidable situations where you don't even want to be somewhere.

00:14:23.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:23.000 In your life, you have control over what you choose to do for an occupation.

00:14:27.000 And who you're with.

00:14:28.000 But maybe my shape and everything protected me from...

00:14:32.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:33.000 Like, if you kick my ass, it's embarrassing.

00:14:35.000 Oh, you kick Goldthwait's ass?

00:14:37.000 Oh, big deal.

00:14:38.000 Yeah.

00:14:39.000 You kicked the fat doughy guy's ass?

00:14:42.000 Did your fist get stuck?

00:14:45.000 Was there suction noises?

00:14:47.000 But I never was like, I always wanted to avoid conflict.

00:14:51.000 Of course.

00:14:52.000 You know, the only reason why I ever learned martial arts at all was so that I would be scary enough so people left me alone.

00:14:57.000 Yeah, but I mean like, and I always, there's a bit in my act about, you know, the voice of death and that's, you know, I'm going to kill you.

00:15:05.000 That guy's going to kill you.

00:15:06.000 You know, a guy who's like, I'm going to kill you!

00:15:08.000 He's just some dumb drunk jock that his buddy's got to pull him off so he doesn't get in a fight with you.

00:15:12.000 I've met so many scary people in my life, as far as physically scary people, especially all the years working for the UFC. The idea of running around in the same world as some of these people was fucking terrifying.

00:15:25.000 UFC fighters are very calm and they get it all out in the gym, but if you zig when you should have zagged and you run into the wrong person in the wrong time, like many people have, It's up to them whether or not you stay safe.

00:15:40.000 It's up to them whether or not they just beat the fucking shit out of you.

00:15:43.000 I've seen it happen to people before.

00:15:45.000 I saw a guy get knocked out in Denver.

00:15:48.000 I was at the Comedy Works in Denver.

00:15:50.000 It was a really cool place.

00:15:51.000 And I saw something happen that totally didn't need to happen.

00:15:56.000 Right.

00:16:03.000 Right.

00:16:14.000 The other guy was, like, stronger, more athletic anyway.

00:16:16.000 He was just looking for an excuse to beat the shit out of somebody.

00:16:18.000 Yeah, he just wanted to beat someone up.

00:16:20.000 It's like the heckler figures out they're going to heckle in the guy who gets in a fight, you know, before they even leave the house.

00:16:25.000 I mean, I really believe that.

00:16:26.000 Some people do, yeah.

00:16:27.000 I think a majority of them.

00:16:29.000 I think a majority of them.

00:16:29.000 Well, I don't know how we went from Bigfoot to ass-kicking, but that's all right.

00:16:33.000 It doesn't matter.

00:16:35.000 But, you know, it's like I'm not proud that I have the ability to really...

00:16:40.000 And I'm not known for this.

00:16:42.000 I mean, a lot of folks aren't familiar that I do stand-up.

00:16:44.000 But, you know, that I can really decimate someone in the audience.

00:16:47.000 I can really.

00:16:47.000 I bet you can.

00:16:49.000 Really bad.

00:16:50.000 Oh, sure.

00:16:50.000 And, in fact, I truly don't usually even...

00:16:54.000 My daughter, my new wife, the 09, my exes, they all...

00:16:59.000 You call her the 09?

00:16:59.000 The 09, yeah.

00:17:01.000 Still got the new car smell.

00:17:03.000 So the 09, they see this switch go on and they leave the room.

00:17:09.000 They get uncomfortable and it's just like...

00:17:11.000 And I'm really not proud of that.

00:17:13.000 It's a horrible skill, you know?

00:17:16.000 Well, it's a defense mechanism for doing stand-up, I think.

00:17:19.000 But, like, you don't even...

00:17:19.000 I mean, when it gets going, I truly don't know.

00:17:21.000 I mean, you talk about the comedy works, man.

00:17:23.000 It was this...

00:17:24.000 Oh, my God.

00:17:26.000 You know how people will yell out where they're from?

00:17:28.000 And there's this horrible night there.

00:17:30.000 And I love the comedy works.

00:17:30.000 I think that's probably, if not the best club.

00:17:32.000 It's one of the best in the whole country.

00:17:34.000 But one of those, you know, horrible shows.

00:17:37.000 And people go, do the voice!

00:17:38.000 Do the voice!

00:17:39.000 You know, they want me to do this voice from how they know me from years ago, and I'm not doing it.

00:17:45.000 And then this woman in the back of the room, she goes, I'm from Aurora!

00:17:49.000 And I go, I know, you've learned to sit in the back.

00:17:54.000 And I truly didn't think of that in advance, you know, and I felt...

00:17:59.000 Did I feel bad?

00:18:00.000 It was such a weird response that even the crowd kind of didn't even go, whoa!

00:18:04.000 They kind of just pretended they didn't hear it because it was so weird and horrible.

00:18:08.000 But I really kind of, the switch goes and I say things.

00:18:11.000 And I'm not saying I don't take responsibility for them, but I'm usually later on kind of surprised that I said it.

00:18:17.000 I berated a table full of women this one night.

00:18:21.000 And they were very, you know, they were acting like the show was all about them.

00:18:25.000 I just berated this table of women, and then one stood up sobbing, and she's like going...

00:18:30.000 By the way, I forgot even what I said.

00:18:33.000 And it was a couple of minutes later.

00:18:35.000 By the way, people love these kind of stories, and they love watching it.

00:18:38.000 I mean, a bar's never emptied out.

00:18:39.000 They go, two guys are getting along in the parking lot.

00:18:41.000 Let's watch.

00:18:42.000 So I'm up there, and this woman stands up crying.

00:18:46.000 She goes, I'm not a whore.

00:18:49.000 It's my birthday.

00:18:51.000 Oh, no.

00:18:54.000 These are the things I'm not proud of.

00:18:56.000 Do you think that that comes from doing stand-up in bars around Boston to building that defense mechanism?

00:19:01.000 Of course.

00:19:01.000 In Boston, that was the hardest, hardest place to do stand-up comedy.

00:19:05.000 It was horrible.

00:19:07.000 But when I got started, it created so many unique characters and so many...

00:19:13.000 You know, I got started and it's like, you know, who came out of that group?

00:19:18.000 It was like, you know, Lenny Clark and Dennis Leary and Stephen Wright and Barry Crimmins and, you know, just all these different unique voices that came out, my friend Tony V. And so...

00:19:29.000 It was really tough to do comedy, Paula Poundstone, but you were forced to have your own voice.

00:19:35.000 You guys were ahead of me, and when I first started doing comedy and started doing open mic night, I was really aware, because of all you guys, what a crazy scene it was.

00:19:46.000 Yeah, it was.

00:19:46.000 I mean, it was really...

00:19:47.000 For so few places on earth, people hate this on my podcast.

00:19:52.000 Oh, they're going to talk about Boston comedy again.

00:19:54.000 Oh, really?

00:19:54.000 Oh, sorry.

00:19:54.000 No, it's not sorry, because Bill Burr and I have had these conversations.

00:19:58.000 I'll tell one or two Boston stories.

00:20:00.000 It's an amazing place.

00:20:01.000 I think I touched on this on your podcast, and I really rarely talk about it.

00:20:07.000 I don't drink, I don't take drugs, but I don't tell people about it.

00:20:11.000 But I just did.

00:20:12.000 But I haven't since I was 19 years old.

00:20:15.000 So this story is that long ago.

00:20:16.000 I started doing comedy when I was 15. I got on a letter when I was 20. So this is like a story when I'm 18 with Lenny Clark and all those guys.

00:20:25.000 And we boarded up the doors and the windows at the ding-ho with cardboard, right?

00:20:29.000 And we're just drinking and doing piles of blow.

00:20:35.000 And all night, and then the door opens, and it's like smoky and backlit because the sunlight's pouring in, and it's a bunch of cops come walking in, and I'm just high and gacked out of my mind, and I'm going, I'm going to jail.

00:20:49.000 I'm going to jail.

00:20:50.000 That's all I'm thinking.

00:20:51.000 And the cops go...

00:20:53.000 Lenny, you fucking cocksucker, how are ya?

00:20:55.000 And they sit down and they start doing blow.

00:20:57.000 Oh no!

00:20:58.000 Yeah, and I'm like, there is no...

00:21:00.000 There's no God.

00:21:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:21:02.000 Up is down.

00:21:03.000 You know.

00:21:04.000 We would do...

00:21:05.000 It was a Chinese comedy club and we would...

00:21:07.000 Ding-ho.

00:21:08.000 We would cut lines on the ribs.

00:21:10.000 You know, the pork ribs?

00:21:12.000 Yeah.

00:21:13.000 We'd be in the freezer chopping lines on those orange pork ribs, the ribs, the red ones, you know what I'm talking about?

00:21:18.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:21:19.000 Yeah.

00:21:19.000 You would do lines on those?

00:21:20.000 Yeah.

00:21:21.000 It'd be a flat surface.

00:21:22.000 And then I'm just thinking like these families that get served up.

00:21:26.000 Oh my god, blow-covered pork ribs.

00:21:31.000 Junior's bouncing off the walls.

00:21:33.000 Whenever we go to the ding-ho, he's so animated.

00:21:35.000 Now this was like in the 80s.

00:21:37.000 Did you guys get real coke back then or was it all chopped up still?

00:21:40.000 I think we were getting high, yeah.

00:21:43.000 No, but you know what I'm saying?

00:21:44.000 I don't know the difference.

00:21:45.000 I've never done Coke.

00:21:47.000 Oh, really?

00:21:47.000 Well, I did it, and like I said, I stopped everything when I was 19. I know people don't believe that.

00:21:52.000 The folks who do it, though, will tell you there's like Rockstar Coke, like Pure Coke, which is amazing.

00:21:57.000 And then there's like...

00:21:58.000 You know Tom Sawyer from Cobbs?

00:22:00.000 Sure.

00:22:01.000 Yeah.

00:22:01.000 Tom will tell you, like if you talk to him about old school, like Rockstar Coke.

00:22:05.000 Well, I've talked to some of the...

00:22:06.000 Boston Comics, who were like, you know, I didn't quit because I got sober.

00:22:10.000 I quit because the shit got bad.

00:22:13.000 The coke got bad.

00:22:14.000 Like, they were disappointed in the quality of a blow.

00:22:17.000 I wasn't getting fucking high anymore.

00:22:19.000 Apparently, it's a very different experience.

00:22:21.000 If you get, like, real cocaine, 100% pure cocaine, it's a very different experience than what a lot of people are getting is speed.

00:22:27.000 You're getting like Coke mixed with some sort of amphetamines.

00:22:30.000 No, because I had done speed and it didn't affect me the way that Coke did.

00:22:34.000 So that's my Pepsi challenge.

00:22:36.000 I guess it's very scientific.

00:22:39.000 I don't know.

00:22:39.000 They cut it with things.

00:22:40.000 I don't know what they're cutting it with.

00:22:41.000 The baby laxative and vitamin B. Yeah.

00:22:44.000 That's a big one with XDC. They cut it with speed, apparently.

00:22:50.000 Speed.

00:22:50.000 Sometimes you don't get all pure X. You get a bunch of funky amphetamines in there.

00:22:54.000 Wow.

00:22:55.000 So what we're trying to say to the kids.

00:22:58.000 Don't do bad coke.

00:23:02.000 So you guys were doing it with the cops?

00:23:05.000 With the cops.

00:23:05.000 I mean, there would always be stories like that.

00:23:07.000 You know, a guy would steal some guy's joke and then somebody's arm would get broke.

00:23:12.000 I mean, it was not...

00:23:13.000 I mean, really, that's the reality of it.

00:23:15.000 Well, Dane Cook was on the podcast when he and I were talking about how the guys who were doing comedy were men.

00:23:21.000 Like Kevin Knox and Lenny Clark.

00:23:24.000 These big men.

00:23:25.000 These, like, manly...

00:23:26.000 And it was a very...

00:23:28.000 Squeeny.

00:23:28.000 It was just very aggressive.

00:23:31.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:32.000 Don Gavin.

00:23:33.000 People are going, oh, you're in Cambridge, and they're imagining that we've got pipes, and we've got patches on our sweaters.

00:23:39.000 Yeah, you're coming out with one of those suede jackets with the Indian tassels.

00:23:45.000 I was more like an overstepped chair, and we're sitting there talking about...

00:23:50.000 No coward references and stuff.

00:23:52.000 But no, it was pretty down and dirty.

00:23:55.000 But it was the best place to train.

00:23:58.000 Because you were ready for it.

00:24:01.000 The heckles were insane.

00:24:03.000 The violence.

00:24:06.000 It really is weird to think about how much comedy and violence was in that scene.

00:24:11.000 It was a crazy scene.

00:24:13.000 I'll try to keep some of the people out of this story, but one of the guys I was with one night, you know when someone's partying and the switch is thrown and they become Gorgo, you know what I mean?

00:24:24.000 They're just not themselves completely, you know what I mean?

00:24:27.000 And one of our buddies insisted that he and I were Vikings.

00:24:30.000 And he was really...

00:24:32.000 The commitment he had to this character was he was a Viking and he was holding me in a headlock.

00:24:39.000 And he wouldn't let me go.

00:24:41.000 And to the point where it got creepy.

00:24:43.000 Like he was just dragging me around the bar.

00:24:45.000 It was funny and then it went for a long time.

00:24:49.000 And I couldn't do anything.

00:24:50.000 He was much larger than me.

00:24:51.000 And then Barry Crimmins, I remember at the time, had a cast.

00:24:56.000 And the guy who had me in a headlock, who, by the way, is a friend, he just had a rough night that night.

00:25:01.000 He says, and Grimmins goes, he goes, let him go.

00:25:04.000 And he goes, and the guy goes, hug me or hit me.

00:25:07.000 And Grimmins goes, that was the fastest decision I ever made in my life.

00:25:11.000 And he just popped him with the gas and broke his jaw.

00:25:17.000 That's hilarious.

00:25:17.000 So that's comedy.

00:25:19.000 Yeah, it was crazy.

00:25:20.000 It was mayhem.

00:25:21.000 It really was.

00:25:22.000 I came just behind you guys, and one of my big regrets was that I never got to perform with the Ding Ho, because it was so legendary.

00:25:29.000 Well, it was because the comics were in charge, basically.

00:25:33.000 The booking and all that stuff.

00:25:35.000 So it was, yeah, it was crazy.

00:25:37.000 Well, that's sort of how the comedy store used to be, except for the booking aspect of it.

00:25:41.000 You know, the comics were never in charge of the booking of it.

00:25:44.000 But there was no real crowd control.

00:25:47.000 It was all comics working in the booth.

00:25:49.000 Comics would work at the door.

00:25:50.000 The comedy store was like, it's all comics working there.

00:25:53.000 Well, this was pretty much mayhem.

00:25:57.000 This guy, Shun Lee, he ran the ding-ho.

00:26:01.000 And he talked to me maybe twice.

00:26:04.000 One night I go out on stage and I'm doing my character and, you know, I'm full bore.

00:26:10.000 And then I stop and I say, you know, hi, this is my real voice.

00:26:13.000 I'd like to gut and clean some fish tonight.

00:26:17.000 Does anyone have any fish?

00:26:18.000 You know, really straight, I'm saying this, and my roommate raises his hand, and he pulls out this big fish.

00:26:23.000 Now, the fish had been in the trunk of his car, so it was rancid.

00:26:26.000 Oh, no.

00:26:27.000 So I just gut the fish and gut entrails, fish entrails all over the stage, and this woman just contact vomited.

00:26:34.000 As soon as she smelled it, it was just like...

00:26:35.000 So I... So, I'm a professional.

00:26:38.000 I put the mic right down to her so you can hear her retching over the PA. Oh, Jesus.

00:26:43.000 So, this chick's puking up.

00:26:45.000 There's fish gut vomit all over the front of the stage.

00:26:48.000 And then I go, well, thank you.

00:26:50.000 Good night.

00:26:50.000 And so, the next guy...

00:26:53.000 Was Bill Campbell around when you were a girl?

00:26:56.000 This guy, a really sweet guy, but his act is talking about relationships.

00:27:00.000 You know, men, go to...

00:27:01.000 It's just guts and fish.

00:27:04.000 And he goes...

00:27:05.000 So his act is destroyed because of this kind of stuff.

00:27:10.000 I remember Bill Campbell.

00:27:10.000 Yeah, very nice, wholesome kind of act.

00:27:12.000 And then I did this.

00:27:13.000 And then Sean Lee, the first time he talked to me, he pulls me over to talk to him.

00:27:18.000 He goes, Baba, you weird.

00:27:20.000 You weird.

00:27:22.000 I said, Bobby, you're weird.

00:27:23.000 Wow, what a great boss.

00:27:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:27:26.000 Bobby, you're weird.

00:27:27.000 I still did the second show.

00:27:29.000 Don't do the fish.

00:27:30.000 Don't do the fish?

00:27:31.000 No more fish.

00:27:32.000 That is hilarious.

00:27:34.000 But yeah, so it was...

00:27:35.000 What year did the ding-ho end?

00:27:36.000 I don't know.

00:27:37.000 I was gone by the time it met its demise.

00:27:40.000 When did you bail?

00:27:41.000 When were you out of Boston?

00:27:42.000 I went to San Francisco.

00:27:44.000 It was all pretty quick.

00:27:46.000 I got on Letterman.

00:27:47.000 It was in the early 80s.

00:27:50.000 Really, I was half in and half out of the different cities of San Francisco and Boston.

00:27:54.000 I was in 82, maybe 83. I started in 88. Oh wow, so it was way after.

00:27:59.000 Yeah, the Boston comedy scene.

00:28:01.000 When did it really start?

00:28:02.000 When was the birth of it?

00:28:03.000 It was before I got there, and I got there at the end of 80, probably.

00:28:09.000 Did you see Fran Salamita's documentary?

00:28:10.000 Oh sure, yeah.

00:28:11.000 I'm a little bit in that.

00:28:13.000 It taps some of it, but there's still stuff that was...

00:28:19.000 I mean, he did a great job.

00:28:21.000 But it wasn't Raw Dog.

00:28:23.000 Well, there's just some things in there that, you know.

00:28:26.000 Well, the one thing that's funny is that I watched that movie with Lenny Clark, and part of the story is that these guys don't like me because I get on Letterman, you know.

00:28:33.000 And that was true.

00:28:35.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:35.000 And they got really mad because I'm, you know, I don't know, younger than them.

00:28:39.000 I come in from Syracuse.

00:28:41.000 I get on Letterman, like, you know, probably in a year or so.

00:28:45.000 Right.

00:28:45.000 I would have been pissed too.

00:28:47.000 And Lenny and I are friends, actually.

00:28:49.000 We're going to do a project together.

00:28:51.000 But at the time, Lenny was really pissed.

00:28:53.000 He was throwing me into a wall.

00:28:55.000 What the fuck?

00:28:57.000 It's not your turn!

00:28:58.000 Yeah, what is that?

00:28:59.000 That was a thing with that place.

00:29:01.000 It was almost like a union gig.

00:29:03.000 It's like you didn't put in your seniority.

00:29:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:07.000 So that became part of that movie, but I sat there and watched it with Lenny, and we just kind of laughed together.

00:29:15.000 I watched it with my daughter, too.

00:29:17.000 It was really great for my daughter.

00:29:18.000 It was really cool to have her watch that.

00:29:20.000 Wow.

00:29:21.000 Yeah, I have a pretty good experience.

00:29:22.000 I'll tell a good story, if you don't mind.

00:29:25.000 Yeah, please.

00:29:27.000 So, my daughter is a costumer.

00:29:30.000 She works in commercials and movies and stuff, and I'm very proud because she's taking a creative life, and she does great work.

00:29:36.000 We work together, and my wife and I, we all work, and everybody works when I make a movie, all my friends and family.

00:29:45.000 But I get this text from my daughter.

00:29:46.000 She was working on that project, and it says, Maybe I shouldn't say this one.

00:29:51.000 Oh, fuck it.

00:29:52.000 I'm in the middle of it.

00:29:53.000 So she says, Dad, I have a disaster.

00:29:57.000 She says there's a text.

00:29:59.000 She goes, I have diarrhea and I went into Russell Brand's dressing room and I'm using his toilet and he doesn't know I'm in here and he just came back in.

00:30:09.000 And she's trapped in the bathroom?

00:30:11.000 Yeah, and I have to go back to the set.

00:30:12.000 Oh, my goodness.

00:30:13.000 She says, what do I do?

00:30:15.000 I go, make him feel uncomfortable.

00:30:17.000 Just open the door and go, hi, Russell Brand.

00:30:19.000 I had to change my tampon.

00:30:21.000 Shark week.

00:30:22.000 And so my daughter texts back, Dad, you're great.

00:30:27.000 I love you.

00:30:27.000 Oh, that's awesome.

00:30:28.000 Now, she thinks I'm trying to help her out of an uncomfortable situation, but really I'm going, what can I have her say so Russell Brand won't try to fuck her?

00:30:35.000 LAUGHTER That's hilarious.

00:30:45.000 That's exactly what you would think too.

00:30:46.000 Because of course I'm going, this is bad, this is bad.

00:30:49.000 In the bathroom.

00:30:50.000 She thinks I'm being cute.

00:30:52.000 What if he hypnotizes her?

00:30:53.000 Yeah, I mean, you know, and that's his thing, you know.

00:30:55.000 And then I'm like, and then I go, what happened?

00:30:57.000 And she goes, nothing.

00:30:57.000 And I'm like, my feelings are hurt too.

00:30:59.000 I'm like, well, he didn't try?

00:31:01.000 Which makes me a creep.

00:31:03.000 I don't know, it's weird.

00:31:04.000 What was the motivation for making this Bigfoot movie?

00:31:09.000 Because this is like completely, for me, I mean, I found out about this like three weeks ago.

00:31:14.000 Oh, okay.

00:31:14.000 And also folks who, if they're familiar, a lot of folks don't make I Make Movies, but it's completely different than like World's Greatest Dad or God Bless America.

00:31:23.000 It's a lot different than Shakes the Clown.

00:31:25.000 Shakes the Clown was fucking great.

00:31:26.000 Oh, thanks, man.

00:31:27.000 That's a fucking great movie.

00:31:28.000 Tom Kenny and I, whose name drop is now the voice of SpongeBob, is Binky the Clown in that movie.

00:31:34.000 And he's, again, cocaine.

00:31:35.000 San Francisco stand-up.

00:31:36.000 But I've known Tommy since I was six.

00:31:38.000 We were introduced by a crying nun at St. Matthew's.

00:31:42.000 Well, we weren't introduced.

00:31:43.000 Tommy tells the story better, but he says this fat kid's dragged behind this nun who's just sobbing.

00:31:48.000 And she drags me into his classroom and goes...

00:31:52.000 Because we were in two different first grades.

00:31:54.000 She's like, I can't take him anymore.

00:31:57.000 And she left me in this class.

00:31:59.000 And I was so...

00:32:00.000 I felt horrible.

00:32:01.000 I was so embarrassed.

00:32:02.000 I started crying too.

00:32:03.000 But he thought it was cool that I could make a nun cry.

00:32:05.000 So he introduced himself at lunch.

00:32:07.000 That's hilarious.

00:32:08.000 Yeah, we're both...

00:32:09.000 I'm 51. He'll be 51 in July.

00:32:12.000 So, yeah, I've known Tom Kenny.

00:32:14.000 He's Binky the Clown.

00:32:15.000 Him and I were watching a shake.

00:32:16.000 They showed shakes recently, and people showed up as characters, and they know the dialogue, and there's clown whores there.

00:32:25.000 These women were dressed as slutty clowns.

00:32:27.000 And in the middle of it, Tommy leans over to me, and he goes, what the fuck were we thinking?

00:32:33.000 He's like, we're going, what is this movie about?

00:32:38.000 And the crowd was really eating it up.

00:32:39.000 It was like that Shatner sketch on SNL. We were like, get a life!

00:32:43.000 We were really wigged out by the...

00:32:45.000 But, you know, if you make a movie, you better be willing to talk about it.

00:32:49.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:50.000 Because even my small indie films that I do under the radar and they play festivals, you're going to talk about them for the rest of your life.

00:32:56.000 So you better kind of stand by it.

00:32:58.000 And that's part of this movie was that I've always been fascinated with Bigfoot.

00:33:03.000 I've always been super interested in the Patterson-Gimlin footage, you know.

00:33:08.000 And so it wasn't that long ago.

00:33:12.000 The 09, she's like saying...

00:33:14.000 She knows me.

00:33:15.000 She goes, go, go.

00:33:17.000 Go to your Bigfoot.

00:33:18.000 So I put about 1,400 miles on the car just in California, just driving around famous sites, talking to different people until I made it all the way up to Willow Creek, you know?

00:33:27.000 And so you did this just to sort of form the idea in your head?

00:33:30.000 Yeah, well, I had a different movie in my head, which I still think I'll write, because I thought it...

00:33:38.000 One of the things that's fascinating about Sasquatch is it's a good...

00:33:42.000 Everybody...

00:33:44.000 I wanted to do a thing that kind of...

00:33:47.000 This isn't this movie, but I had an idea for a movie that kind of took on faith and religion and everything, and I thought maybe I'd set it in the Sasquatch community, because there's people that just believe, and there's people that believe and see, there's people that are shysters, there's people...

00:34:01.000 I mean, so it's a really good, you know, it's a good analogy for religion.

00:34:05.000 But, you know...

00:34:08.000 I don't know where you sit on the pointy head or less pointy headed Bigfoot.

00:34:13.000 Isn't that funny that you brought that up?

00:34:14.000 That's funny.

00:34:14.000 Because I saw this guy go over to another guy at a conference and the guy's got a cardboard head with a big pointy headed Bigfoot and the guy goes, you disgust me.

00:34:25.000 He goes, look at that head.

00:34:28.000 He said, you disgust me?

00:34:29.000 Look at that like he knows.

00:34:30.000 Yeah, and the other dude goes, really?

00:34:32.000 I've seen Bigfoot three times and you're never going to see him because you smoke.

00:34:37.000 Whoa!

00:34:38.000 You said that to him?

00:34:39.000 Yeah, and I was like going...

00:34:40.000 That's pretty gangster.

00:34:41.000 Yeah, and I also said, wow, this is beautiful.

00:34:44.000 You know, this is really amazing.

00:34:46.000 It's like, so subcultures are fascinating to me.

00:34:49.000 I love the fact that you can get into discussions and go down these crazy rabbit holes with everybody.

00:34:57.000 And I do.

00:35:00.000 You know, here's the thing.

00:35:01.000 When you say you believe, that means people say you're no longer impartial.

00:35:05.000 Mm-hmm.

00:35:06.000 But I'm gonna, but everybody has, you know, so I'm not impartial.

00:35:10.000 I do believe that there's a Sasquatch out there.

00:35:15.000 Wow.

00:35:16.000 Or I should say Bigfoot, plural.

00:35:19.000 You went there.

00:35:20.000 You said, I believe there's a Sasquatch.

00:35:22.000 Yeah, I mean, look at my career, what's going to happen.

00:35:24.000 People can say, Bobcat Goldthwait's weird.

00:35:28.000 That is one of those subjects, though, where it's like UFOs or psychics or something along those lines.

00:35:34.000 As soon as you start talking about it, you're almost immediately a silly person.

00:35:38.000 Yeah, but I'm already a silly person.

00:35:40.000 I'm so far off the radar.

00:35:42.000 I do what I like to do.

00:35:43.000 It's free, right?

00:35:43.000 It's freedom.

00:35:44.000 Completely.

00:35:46.000 About seven, eight years ago, I really just kind of quit.

00:35:49.000 I stopped being in stuff that I was embarrassed of.

00:35:53.000 I still do something if it's nice and the bread's there, but for the most part...

00:35:56.000 I just quit.

00:35:57.000 I stopped trying to get jobs.

00:35:59.000 I didn't want to get discovered.

00:36:00.000 I stopped writing movies for other people that I wasn't getting paid for, that I thought they would like.

00:36:06.000 I stopped all of it.

00:36:11.000 Fortunately enough, Jimmy Kimmel...

00:36:13.000 Hired me to direct his show.

00:36:15.000 And that's a big deal.

00:36:16.000 That's a huge deal.

00:36:17.000 Because, you know, I mean, people...

00:36:19.000 We did the Spell Show a little bit as well.

00:36:21.000 I did a little Chappelle.

00:36:22.000 We ran into each other in Manhattan.

00:36:24.000 Oh, yeah, that was weird.

00:36:24.000 That was weird on the street.

00:36:25.000 Yeah.

00:36:26.000 Yeah, totally random.

00:36:27.000 And so I worked on Chappelle.

00:36:29.000 But working for Jimmy, you know, it kind of just gave me this freedom.

00:36:33.000 It was nice that someone believed in me, you know, when pretty much I... We've become, and still have possibly, but a punchline.

00:36:39.000 Well, we talked about it before the podcast, during the commercials, the thing with the Tonight Show.

00:36:44.000 That was the big thing.

00:36:45.000 Yeah, well, there's that.

00:36:45.000 You lit the chair on fire.

00:36:47.000 And just this persona people had an assload of.

00:36:50.000 And just, you know, and I didn't even, you know, I got really frustrated because I was just being famous for being famous.

00:36:55.000 And this is before...

00:36:59.000 The digital age.

00:37:00.000 I just got really tired of being like, you would book me on a talk show, I'd go crazy, and people would be happy.

00:37:05.000 And I really was just so over it.

00:37:08.000 Really destructive.

00:37:10.000 Were you rebelling against the Police Academy movies and that sort of box that you were put into?

00:37:16.000 It's that, but also it's rebelling.

00:37:19.000 Truly, I think the real thing was that I was, you know, Leno was nice enough to have me on, and then I saw this pattern that I may have become a regular, and I've never really discussed this.

00:37:31.000 That terrified me, the idea of being successful on that level.

00:37:35.000 Because it's easier to be a guy who never tried, and then you're in some dopey teen comedies, and you can criticize what everybody else does and be bitter.

00:37:42.000 But to really put, you know...

00:37:44.000 To really put your cock on the block and say, this is who I am.

00:37:47.000 This is going to be my material.

00:37:48.000 This is the movies.

00:37:49.000 This is the products that say who I am.

00:37:51.000 That's terrifying because then you're out there to be judged.

00:37:54.000 That's fascinating.

00:37:55.000 So it's almost like you have a self-destructive quality because the idea of success was just too much pressure.

00:38:00.000 Because then I'd have to actually pony up and actually, oh, so you've been criticizing X, Y, and Z? Well, what do you do?

00:38:07.000 So I was really trying to not...

00:38:10.000 It was kind of funny because I was trying not to be on TV anymore and I said that the night show on fire and then immediately I get booked on every show.

00:38:17.000 People think I was banned from other shows.

00:38:19.000 I wasn't even banned from the night show.

00:38:20.000 They actually had me on a week later.

00:38:21.000 But it's...

00:38:23.000 It's very fascinating.

00:38:25.000 It's funny, I was just writing this thing.

00:38:27.000 You know, I toured with Nirvana as a comedian.

00:38:30.000 And there would be times where, you know, I was...

00:38:34.000 It was a few nights where I was sitting up with Kurt and, you know, We were exchanging stories, like, you know, him showing up in drag in a gown for a headbanger's ball, and nobody getting that.

00:38:47.000 You know, that's pretty funny, especially it was funny to him, because he's getting asked to go on a metal show, so he thought it'd be funny to show up in drag, and everybody's, like, going, this guy, hmm.

00:38:56.000 You know, and especially because he wasn't running around in lipstick going, wah!

00:38:59.000 You know, he just was comfortable in the drag, so it was, you know, and he's talking about how nobody would get him, you know, and it was really funny, and then, you know, like, I'd smashed up the Arsenio Hall show, did way more damage on that show.

00:39:13.000 I remember that, too.

00:39:14.000 Yeah, I wrote Paramount sucks on the back of it, because they had fired him, basically, and they gave him a raw deal, and It was just me trying to end it.

00:39:22.000 I really related more to rock than comics.

00:39:25.000 I just kind of kaboo.

00:39:28.000 Were you upset though?

00:39:30.000 Did you feel like you were getting pushed into some family box and it wasn't representing you as a real visionary, as a real comic?

00:39:38.000 A little of that.

00:39:39.000 It's funny.

00:39:42.000 I think the character would cloud people from hearing anything I was saying.

00:39:46.000 I loved Meet Bob.

00:39:48.000 I got it when I was like, when did it come out?

00:39:52.000 I don't know.

00:39:53.000 I was just starting out.

00:39:54.000 That's funny.

00:39:55.000 I don't think people understood that I actually had material.

00:39:59.000 I think they just saw me in Police Academy.

00:40:01.000 That was what I was going to say.

00:40:03.000 It was really good comedy.

00:40:05.000 It was really good stand-up.

00:40:06.000 And I think a lot of people I remember just thought you were like the crazy actor guy.

00:40:12.000 Like a lot of people didn't know.

00:40:13.000 Like you didn't just have stand-up, you had like really smart stand-up.

00:40:16.000 It was really good stuff.

00:40:17.000 But it was weird because I think I helped perpetuate it.

00:40:20.000 Of course I possibly It's kind of funny when you go on stage and you do this.

00:40:25.000 Persona, even people who are rolling their eyes start laughing, so it's hard to jettison it, especially when you go on the road and they're expecting it.

00:40:33.000 It's weird to get pigeonholed.

00:40:35.000 I just stopped.

00:40:37.000 I was on the road and I realized, oh, I don't dislike stand-up.

00:40:41.000 I hate this fucking character.

00:40:45.000 Do people totally expect it?

00:40:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:40:48.000 And they still do.

00:40:49.000 Do the voice!

00:40:51.000 And they get mad.

00:40:52.000 But it's just, I gotta be me, as corny as it sounds.

00:40:57.000 I feel you.

00:40:59.000 But you gotta quit.

00:41:01.000 There's this weird thing in our society where it's like you can't quit.

00:41:06.000 And that's where you find when you're happy.

00:41:08.000 You say, oh, this isn't working for me.

00:41:10.000 I thought, oh, this isn't working for me.

00:41:12.000 So you end up in a place where you go, oh, this is what's working for you.

00:41:15.000 Unfortunately, you end up there usually about 45. Well, there's a lot of people that never abandon that act, and they hang on to it.

00:41:25.000 Does Judy Tenuta still do stand-up?

00:41:26.000 I don't know.

00:41:28.000 She had a great act.

00:41:29.000 It's funny.

00:41:30.000 My wife and I brought up the old night, and I brought up Judy Tenuta today on the plane, because I did The Gathering of the Juggalos.

00:41:36.000 Oh, wow.

00:41:38.000 And we were wondering if they booked the wrong acts on purpose, so we were putting together a lineup like it was going to be Paula Poundstone and Judy Tenuta.

00:41:46.000 Yeah.

00:41:47.000 And Amy Mann at this year's Gathering of the Juggalos.

00:41:51.000 Amy Mann.

00:41:53.000 Did you ever see the...

00:41:56.000 Yeah, I've seen it.

00:41:58.000 I've seen it when they had public sex.

00:42:00.000 What do you mean Gathering of the Juggalos?

00:42:01.000 There's a movie called...

00:42:02.000 American Juggalo, I think is the name of it.

00:42:05.000 No, I've just watched clips on the internet.

00:42:07.000 You saw Tia Tequila get hit with poo.

00:42:10.000 Did she really?

00:42:11.000 Yeah, man.

00:42:11.000 They threw poo at her?

00:42:12.000 They ran out of Faygo Cola, so they started throwing poo at her.

00:42:18.000 Oh my god, like dudes were shitting in what, cups and stuff?

00:42:21.000 No, they knocked over.

00:42:22.000 Knocked over a porta potty?

00:42:23.000 Yeah, yeah, it wasn't like Gigi Allen.

00:42:25.000 Oh my god, so it was someone else's poo?

00:42:26.000 Yeah, which is, that's my point.

00:42:28.000 Look, I'm going to digress here.

00:42:30.000 Oh, that's her on stage, and they're throwing poo at her right now?

00:42:32.000 Like, hypothetically, let's say you or I, I give it up.

00:42:38.000 Look, she stays in there.

00:42:41.000 Oh, poo is flying at them.

00:42:41.000 She stays up there.

00:42:43.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:42:44.000 That shit just hit her legs.

00:42:45.000 I love that she's, like, sitting there going, you know what?

00:42:47.000 A couple more minutes, I'm going to win her back.

00:42:50.000 Look at that.

00:42:51.000 You got to give it up.

00:42:52.000 And she grabbed her crotch.

00:42:53.000 Oh, and they're still throwing shit at her.

00:42:55.000 Is that all shit, or is it some of the beer?

00:42:57.000 I think some...

00:42:57.000 No, it's Faygo Cola.

00:42:59.000 It's the soda they like to throw.

00:43:01.000 But, um...

00:43:02.000 Like, here's my point.

00:43:04.000 If you were walking down the street and you hit me with dog poo, right?

00:43:08.000 Like, you saw something through it.

00:43:09.000 It wouldn't be a deal-breaker, but I'd be mad.

00:43:12.000 I'd be like, Joe, what the fuck was that?

00:43:14.000 And you'd go, I don't know, I thought it was funny.

00:43:16.000 Yeah, we'd laugh it off.

00:43:18.000 But if you hit me with, like...

00:43:20.000 You know, like hobo dude.

00:43:22.000 You know what I mean?

00:43:23.000 Like some poo from a person.

00:43:24.000 That would be the deal breaker.

00:43:25.000 I'd be like, you fucker, I've got hep C in my eye now.

00:43:29.000 Really swift.

00:43:30.000 Yeah, human shit is way more terrifying than animal shit.

00:43:33.000 Did you ever see Gigi Allen poo?

00:43:36.000 Yeah.

00:43:37.000 Yeah, and then he starts throwing it at people.

00:43:38.000 Yeah.

00:43:38.000 And they get out of their way like military strifing.

00:43:42.000 Like when people fire.

00:43:44.000 Something about human poo is way worse.

00:43:46.000 It's terrifying.

00:43:47.000 You don't want it on your clothes.

00:43:49.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:43:49.000 If you get dog shit on you, you just hose it off.

00:43:53.000 But I did the Gathering of the Juggalos.

00:43:56.000 Wow.

00:43:56.000 And the opening act, Upchuck, the clown.

00:44:04.000 It's trying to calm my nerves.

00:44:08.000 They're their own security, so there's no security.

00:44:11.000 It's just juggalo law on this huge piece of property.

00:44:17.000 Wow.

00:44:18.000 So, and there's...

00:44:19.000 So it's just madness.

00:44:20.000 Yeah, there's fires going on and fireworks.

00:44:23.000 Oh my gosh!

00:44:23.000 People are always lighting fire, too.

00:44:25.000 Like fireworks.

00:44:26.000 Like the way people light cigarettes, like casually.

00:44:28.000 I saw a lot of that.

00:44:29.000 It was really funny.

00:44:29.000 Oh my gosh.

00:44:30.000 Where people don't jump out of the way.

00:44:31.000 It's like some bath salts.

00:44:33.000 What is it like for you?

00:44:34.000 Wandering around amongst these people.

00:44:36.000 Are they freaking out?

00:44:36.000 No, because...

00:44:38.000 I think...

00:44:39.000 Well, they...

00:44:40.000 No, they're...

00:44:42.000 Sometimes I get recognized.

00:44:43.000 For the most part, I don't get recognized.

00:44:44.000 But it was...

00:44:46.000 You know...

00:44:47.000 We took a golf cart through the whole thing.

00:44:50.000 And like I said, there's fights and people...

00:44:52.000 I don't know what they were doing, but maybe you might know what this is, but suddenly people would drop.

00:44:56.000 There'd be a group of people and then you'd just see them drop.

00:44:59.000 Like they were puppets and someone cut their strings and they just hit them.

00:45:01.000 Like a choreographed thing?

00:45:04.000 No, no, no.

00:45:05.000 Whatever they had been doing would just suddenly...

00:45:07.000 Like a bunch of them would just drop?

00:45:09.000 Yeah, it'd be like three or four of them.

00:45:10.000 Obviously, they had just ingested or did something, and then all of a sudden, you just see them go...

00:45:14.000 Like dominoes.

00:45:16.000 And then they get up, and it was...

00:45:18.000 I don't know what that is.

00:45:18.000 Oh my...

00:45:19.000 Whatever it is is not good.

00:45:20.000 Yeah, well, so...

00:45:22.000 So, you know, it's...

00:45:25.000 It's...

00:45:26.000 I understand the idea of the Juggalos, by the way.

00:45:28.000 I get it.

00:45:29.000 You know, I get it.

00:45:30.000 It's a certain sect that's pissed off, and it's a certain group of people, and they do have this sense of community and family.

00:45:37.000 I do try to be open-minded.

00:45:41.000 And by the way, they were very nice to me, I should say that.

00:45:44.000 That's a very good way of putting that.

00:45:45.000 But while we were...

00:45:47.000 You know, Upchuck's trying to convince me that it's not that scary of a gig.

00:45:52.000 And he's driving me around on this golf cart.

00:45:54.000 And he's like, you know, you got this huge clown.

00:45:58.000 Everybody's kind of either...

00:46:00.000 Some guys are cut in clown makeup.

00:46:02.000 A lot of them are obese.

00:46:04.000 Men and women.

00:46:05.000 It's really like an incest survivors convention.

00:46:08.000 Like, you know, nobody's going to touch me anymore.

00:46:10.000 So this guy just jumps out of nowhere and starts punching people.

00:46:14.000 Upchuck on the golf cart.

00:46:15.000 He's running along and hitting him.

00:46:17.000 For no reason?

00:46:18.000 He's like, fuck you, Upchuck!

00:46:20.000 Oh my god.

00:46:21.000 Fuck you, Upchuck, specifically?

00:46:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:24.000 And he's gunning it.

00:46:26.000 So we lose the guy and he's like, I'm here every year.

00:46:29.000 You know, they know me.

00:46:30.000 I'm like family.

00:46:31.000 And I'm like...

00:46:32.000 Okay, so then...

00:46:34.000 He punched him in the face?

00:46:35.000 Punched him right in the face.

00:46:37.000 And then he took it, like, in the shoulder, and then by the time we got him, he got him, like, one leg in the kidney on the way out, like, left.

00:46:44.000 He's hitting him hard?

00:46:45.000 Yeah, yeah, real punches, real punches.

00:46:47.000 Jesus.

00:46:48.000 So now he's climbing like I was a little smudgy, too.

00:46:51.000 He's trying to convince me this.

00:46:54.000 Can of Faygo, the first can of Faygo comes in, poof, and it just sprays all over us, and, uh...

00:46:59.000 And he's so familiar with getting hit with fagocola, he goes, it's diet, it's not gonna stain.

00:47:08.000 I swear to God, he really said that sometimes.

00:47:11.000 That's hilarious.

00:47:12.000 So then one comes in, and the 09's got it on camera.

00:47:16.000 She had a sports setting on her camera, so the shutter's like faster.

00:47:22.000 So we've got this shot, it's like the Zapruder film, we got this can of soda, This guy does a baseball pitch and you see it whizzing seconds before it hits upchuck right in the temple.

00:47:35.000 Carack.

00:47:36.000 And he just slumps over and he goes...

00:47:41.000 He slumps over the wheel and he goes, I'm hurt.

00:47:44.000 I'm hurt bad.

00:47:45.000 By the way, he's mid-sentence.

00:47:46.000 He goes, you know, something like that.

00:47:48.000 When the soda hits, that could have happened out of Dave Matthews.

00:47:51.000 Correct!

00:47:51.000 And he slumps over.

00:47:52.000 He's like, I'm hurt.

00:47:54.000 I'm hurt bad, Bob.

00:47:55.000 He's calling me Bob so I know he's really fucked up, not Bobcat.

00:47:59.000 And I think he was out for a second.

00:48:01.000 Oh, my God.

00:48:02.000 So he hits the gas, and now...

00:48:04.000 Yeah, that's Upchuck.

00:48:05.000 Yeah, that's Joel.

00:48:07.000 And so it was like the golf cart I was on.

00:48:10.000 That's crazy.

00:48:11.000 How old were you when this was going on, by the way?

00:48:13.000 This was just now.

00:48:13.000 This was last summer.

00:48:14.000 So 51 years old.

00:48:15.000 50?

00:48:15.000 50 years old.

00:48:16.000 50 years old.

00:48:17.000 And so Upchuck...

00:48:19.000 It's now full throttle, and I'm steering.

00:48:23.000 Steer!

00:48:24.000 And we're whizzing through the crowd like Mr. Toad's wild ride.

00:48:28.000 And it's juggalos diving out of our way.

00:48:31.000 And then, oh, I love this.

00:48:35.000 This is actually beautiful.

00:48:36.000 You know, he was concussed.

00:48:38.000 His eyes were all fucked up.

00:48:39.000 Oh, God.

00:48:40.000 And we just went back to the trailer, and we're just being really quiet.

00:48:44.000 And then he puts an ice-cold Faygo on his side of his head.

00:48:48.000 Wow.

00:48:48.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:48:49.000 For the swelling, because he's going, look.

00:48:52.000 He's like, am I bleeding?

00:48:54.000 I go, I don't know where the makeup starts and what's blood.

00:48:58.000 I don't know what's right.

00:49:00.000 A fucking can of soda to the head.

00:49:04.000 That's hard.

00:49:05.000 And then I'm not going to...

00:49:07.000 He may or may not...

00:49:09.000 It looked like he was doing some sort of stimulant after that, too.

00:49:14.000 Because it's, you know...

00:49:15.000 Now, were you worried about your safety while this was all happening?

00:49:18.000 Yeah.

00:49:19.000 Once I got in, yeah, you know, and by the way, I'm no stranger to hijinks.

00:49:24.000 You know?

00:49:25.000 Says the man who lit the Tonight Show couch on fire.

00:49:28.000 You know, my wife says, I have good ideas and bad ideas, and I don't know the difference.

00:49:33.000 It's just ideas, and I treat them with enthusiasm.

00:49:36.000 I may or may not have lit a quarter stick of dynamite in my backyard when I lived up...

00:49:42.000 I think it was a half a stick.

00:49:43.000 It was like...

00:49:44.000 Half a stick?

00:49:46.000 Yeah, and it blew up this watermelon that shot all the way, like three floors up.

00:49:51.000 It was...

00:49:52.000 That story goes and gets kind of gory.

00:49:54.000 But I digress.

00:49:56.000 So I'm no stranger.

00:49:57.000 So like something explodes and my wife goes, is that an M80? And I'm like, no, that's dynamite.

00:50:08.000 So I go up and I'm like, hey, where's my party people at?

00:50:12.000 No, I actually did a fine set.

00:50:14.000 By the way, the crowd was 1 o'clock, I hit the stage.

00:50:18.000 They like the tenacity.

00:50:21.000 If you can actually hang, they're there.

00:50:24.000 My oldest brother was a biker, so I'm kind of familiar with...

00:50:29.000 Kind of outlaw behavior.

00:50:31.000 It's never that, you know, freaky to me.

00:50:34.000 And it seems like it's sort of an agreed-upon thing at this sort of a place.

00:50:37.000 If you're gonna hang out with a bunch of people that are partying and they're calling themselves the juggalos, you know, some soda's gonna fly through the air.

00:50:43.000 It's gonna be some craziness.

00:50:44.000 Right, you can't get mad about soda, but...

00:50:45.000 Up to the point of violence.

00:50:46.000 But what you...

00:50:47.000 The problem is, is if there is no...

00:50:51.000 There's no law.

00:50:53.000 Right.

00:50:53.000 It's a little lord of the flies.

00:50:55.000 Right.

00:50:55.000 Yeah.

00:50:55.000 Like, some dude, they thought he was stealing, so they physically...

00:50:59.000 I don't know what happened to him, but they tore his car apart.

00:51:02.000 Like, just dismantled it.

00:51:04.000 Whoa.

00:51:04.000 Yeah, so it's a little lore of the flies.

00:51:07.000 Yeah, I mean...

00:51:08.000 And I got paid in a plastic trash bag full of 20s.

00:51:13.000 Really?

00:51:14.000 That's actually kind of badass.

00:51:16.000 Yeah, and then the cops are just at the lip, just taking people to jail.

00:51:22.000 They had a bus.

00:51:23.000 So we pull out.

00:51:24.000 Right.

00:51:25.000 And the cops are going, what's going on?

00:51:27.000 I go, look, I got a bag full of money.

00:51:29.000 My name's Bob Cat Goldthwait.

00:51:31.000 I'm a comedian.

00:51:32.000 I was big in the 80s.

00:51:34.000 And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:37.000 Nothing weird.

00:51:38.000 You guys, whatever you want to do.

00:51:39.000 I'm completely straight.

00:51:41.000 And they actually found that really funny.

00:51:44.000 That is funny.

00:51:44.000 So they were looking for people to be drunk driving.

00:51:46.000 And then they open up my bag of money and they're like, I should do comedy.

00:51:50.000 And they're all busting my chops.

00:51:51.000 But yeah.

00:51:52.000 Were they looking for drunk drivers or drugs?

00:51:54.000 Oh, just people high out of their minds, anything.

00:51:56.000 I mean, they were just popping everybody that pulled out of the street there.

00:51:59.000 I like what you said about it being like a community and there's a lot of positive things to that.

00:52:06.000 There is.

00:52:07.000 So, I mean, I tell this story and I laugh and stuff, but was it any different than when I went to see the Allman Brothers with my brother Tommy and he was tripping on acid and his brother, his brother biker, who's still alive, Big Mitch, It was a Green Beret,

00:52:24.000 and we're going to see the Allman Brothers, and he suddenly thinks everybody going into the concert is Charlie.

00:52:31.000 Oh my God.

00:52:32.000 It was the best ever.

00:52:34.000 What year was this?

00:52:36.000 Probably like 78. Oh my God.

00:52:38.000 And I'm just like, oh.

00:52:40.000 You know, sometimes when things go crazy, that's the other thing about me.

00:52:46.000 During Mayhem and Chaos, I'm actually super calm.

00:52:49.000 It's because you've been around it so many times.

00:52:51.000 No, but like everyday life will flip me out.

00:52:55.000 Like you were talking earlier, the line in the post office, I can't handle correctly.

00:52:59.000 I get upset and stuff.

00:53:01.000 But mayhem, I get really calm.

00:53:04.000 Really?

00:53:04.000 Yeah, like a deer jumped out in front of us when we were up in Willow Creek and I just said to my wife, I go, just stop the car.

00:53:12.000 She goes, what do you think I'm doing?

00:53:15.000 I get all zen, Danny.

00:53:17.000 I don't know.

00:53:17.000 That's pretty funny.

00:53:18.000 That's better than the other way.

00:53:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:20.000 But I know what you're talking about, about freaking out about lines and stuff like that.

00:53:24.000 If you can't just stand still and relax, you know, like in a line and then nice and slow, it's probably like an ADHD thing, right?

00:53:34.000 When people are actually really freaking out.

00:53:36.000 Well, it's the, you know...

00:53:41.000 The 09 calls me a misanthrope.

00:53:44.000 And I think that is not correct.

00:53:47.000 Because I think what upsets me is I actually kind of have...

00:53:51.000 I think...

00:53:52.000 I try to think the best.

00:53:54.000 I really do.

00:53:55.000 Even though I make movies where I'm shooting people and all these weird things, I do kind of give people the benefit of the doubt.

00:54:03.000 I truly do.

00:54:04.000 When she said that, she goes, you're a misanthrope.

00:54:06.000 And I said, you only say that because you're a person.

00:54:10.000 And she's always afraid that I'm going off the grid because at night she calls it my lake porn.

00:54:16.000 She comes in and says, what are you looking at?

00:54:18.000 It's just me looking at this 80 acres.

00:54:21.000 On a lake?

00:54:22.000 Yeah, it's got its own creek.

00:54:25.000 Oh, are you looking at houses?

00:54:27.000 I'm going to get the generator going.

00:54:28.000 Oh yeah, go off the grid.

00:54:30.000 Dude, you and me.

00:54:31.000 I think about that shit all the time.

00:54:32.000 Go off the grid?

00:54:33.000 Just squatch all day?

00:54:35.000 Just squatching.

00:54:36.000 Just set up a few gifting boxes.

00:54:39.000 No, you went squatching.

00:54:40.000 Yeah, I went for this new show I'm doing.

00:54:42.000 Did you start it?

00:54:44.000 Yeah, the show starts airing July 16th on the Sci-Fi Channel.

00:54:49.000 It's called Joe Rogan Questions Everything.

00:54:51.000 And one of them is Bigfoot.

00:54:52.000 I've had a Bigfoot fascination since I was a little kid.

00:54:55.000 When I was a little kid, I was camping in the Pacific Northwest with my stepdad.

00:54:59.000 And there's a dude who was up there who was a trapper.

00:55:02.000 And he had, like, these animal skins and shit.

00:55:04.000 He was killing animals, like bobcats, which I didn't think was kind of creepy at the time.

00:55:08.000 I think that's really creepy.

00:55:09.000 Well, I was only seven.

00:55:10.000 No, no.

00:55:11.000 I meant me.

00:55:13.000 And he told me about all these people have had these Bigfoot experiences up there.

00:55:21.000 And the way he was describing it, I barely remember.

00:55:23.000 It's like a really whispery memory.

00:55:25.000 But I remember that's what started me off.

00:55:27.000 I was always into monsters and shit when I was a little kid.

00:55:30.000 I loved horror movies.

00:55:31.000 Sure.

00:55:31.000 So then I started reading up on Bigfoot, and then I watched the Patterson footage.

00:55:34.000 Eventually I saw In Search of Bigfoot.

00:55:37.000 In Search of is the one that turns everybody around.

00:55:40.000 Did you see Boggy Creek?

00:55:41.000 Yeah, I saw it.

00:55:43.000 I think that had it.

00:55:45.000 Boggy Creek, I didn't go back and revisit it, but I think that movie probably had a lot to do with my movie, Willow Creek, actually.

00:55:51.000 I got addicted to that show, Finding Bigfoot, too.

00:55:54.000 Have you watched that at all?

00:55:55.000 Sure, sure, sure.

00:55:56.000 Actually, Cliff and Bobo showed up.

00:55:59.000 I showed the movie up.

00:56:00.000 I went back up.

00:56:02.000 I showed it to the folks that are in it, because, you know, a lot of actual folks from the Bigfoot community are in the movie.

00:56:09.000 I mean, and...

00:56:11.000 And how can we sell this movie?

00:56:13.000 I mean, I'm just starting to play...

00:56:14.000 Without saying anything about it?

00:56:15.000 Well, I've just started playing festivals.

00:56:17.000 The thing that I'm really happy is Bigfoot folks seem to really like it.

00:56:20.000 Like Cliff said, this is the best Bigfoot movie he's ever seen.

00:56:22.000 Listen, this is a great horror fun movie.

00:56:25.000 It's a great fun movie.

00:56:26.000 Yeah.

00:56:26.000 But I say really true to Bigfoot.

00:56:29.000 I try not to be cheesy.

00:56:31.000 Oh, no.

00:56:32.000 I didn't want those guys to not like us.

00:56:34.000 I don't want to talk too much about this movie because I don't want to give any of it away because I want people to see it.

00:56:39.000 It's you or me?

00:56:41.000 Oh, can I tell you one quick story?

00:56:44.000 Yeah, sure.

00:56:46.000 I'm having a blast.

00:56:48.000 Thanks for having me.

00:56:49.000 Oh, please.

00:56:50.000 Thanks for being on.

00:56:50.000 I'm having a blast, too.

00:56:51.000 So you've got that American Werewolf in London, which I love that movie.

00:56:56.000 Yeah, me too.

00:56:57.000 So that blew my mind when I saw it.

00:56:59.000 Now, where did you get that?

00:57:01.000 There's a guy named Pat McGee.

00:57:02.000 He's a special effects guy, and he designs, if you go to McGeeFX.com, he designs a couple different things, like he does an alien, like from the movie Alien, and he just reconstructs life-size replicas.

00:57:15.000 Wow.

00:57:15.000 It's crazy.

00:57:16.000 Yeah, he's got a mold and he uses yak hair and it's an incredible detail.

00:57:20.000 One of the many, I don't know if you've ever heard this myth, but one of the many myths about the Patterson-Gimlin footage is that it's John Landis in the suit.

00:57:29.000 Have you ever heard that?

00:57:29.000 No, I haven't heard that.

00:57:30.000 Okay, so I've heard this.

00:57:33.000 And so one morning, and I love American Werewolf, I love Animal House and all that stuff.

00:57:40.000 Yeah, me too.

00:57:41.000 John Landis is brilliant.

00:57:43.000 But I don't know him.

00:57:44.000 So I get a hair up my ass and I'm like, I gotta get to the bottom of this.

00:57:49.000 So I shoot my agent an email and I say, got this idea for a TV show for John Lannis myself.

00:57:57.000 Total lie.

00:57:58.000 I said, can you get me his email?

00:58:00.000 And so she gets me his email.

00:58:02.000 So I write him an email and I'm going to read it to you because he and I had this exchange and I say, Hi John, I'm writing an article about the Patterson-Gimlin footage.

00:58:13.000 I'm not.

00:58:14.000 I'm just lying.

00:58:16.000 Thank God he's a nice guy.

00:58:18.000 And was wondering, would you be kind enough to let me interview...

00:58:20.000 Okay, so I go on and on, and I say, I want to clear up the rumors that John Chambers made the suit and that you were wearing it.

00:58:27.000 So, quickly, I get this email back.

00:58:30.000 Dear Bobcat, I am definitely not the guy in the Bigfoot suit in the Patterson-Gimlet footage.

00:58:34.000 What publication are you writing an article for?

00:58:38.000 How did you get my email address?

00:58:40.000 That's funny.

00:58:42.000 But I sent him back and we went back and forth and he was really cool actually.

00:58:49.000 I think he's probably tired of answering that question.

00:58:53.000 Yeah.

00:58:54.000 I'm sure.

00:58:55.000 One of his early...

00:58:56.000 He did a great movie.

00:58:59.000 It's called Schlock where he's in a gorilla suit.

00:59:03.000 You've probably seen it.

00:59:04.000 Is it like a gorilla with a space helmet on?

00:59:06.000 No.

00:59:07.000 And it's a kind of famous image and...

00:59:09.000 And it's him directing the movie in the gorilla suit with the space element.

00:59:14.000 Really?

00:59:16.000 There's a photo of me directing Shakes the Clown in a clown suit.

00:59:20.000 I'll never be in something I direct again.

00:59:23.000 And I'm dead serious and everyone's laughing and I look like such an asshole with no sense of humor in a clown suit.

00:59:31.000 So it's called Schlock?

00:59:33.000 Schlock, yeah.

00:59:33.000 Never heard of it.

00:59:34.000 Yeah, let me double check.

00:59:35.000 But yeah, it is called Schlock.

00:59:37.000 But so I'm a big fan.

00:59:39.000 I wasn't coming from, again, yeah, Schlock.

00:59:41.000 I wasn't coming from a big snarky place.

00:59:43.000 I sincerely am a fan of Landis and stuff.

00:59:46.000 But I thought there's a lot of Bigfoot rumors that I kind of thought, well, maybe I can use, you know, my connections.

00:59:52.000 Not that I have connections, but, you know, I could just...

00:59:55.000 Prove some of the things, you know, like get into the John Chambers suit.

00:59:59.000 You know, John Chambers is the guy who was in Argo who did the Planet of the Apes.

01:00:01.000 You know, there's a rumor that he may have built the suit, and he did make a Bigfoot, but his Bigfoot I've seen, and it's, you know, so whatever.

01:00:09.000 It is a rabbit hole.

01:00:11.000 Well, it's a rabbit hole, but it's also a rabbit hole where a guy says he did it.

01:00:15.000 His name's Bob Hieronymus.

01:00:16.000 He walks just like that.

01:00:17.000 He took a lie detector test and passed.

01:00:19.000 He also was a con man.

01:00:21.000 So was Robert Patterson.

01:00:23.000 Robert Patterson also went to jail for writing a bad check to pay for the very camera that filmed that footage.

01:00:29.000 Yes, and he could go even deeper, actually.

01:00:32.000 Yeah, the con man.

01:00:33.000 Yeah.

01:00:34.000 Look, my belief in the Patterson footage, it boils down to the gait.

01:00:39.000 It really does.

01:00:40.000 It boils down to that knee and that leg.

01:00:43.000 You've been listening to a bunch of knuckleheads, trust me.

01:00:47.000 That's a guy in a monkey suit.

01:00:48.000 Let's play it.

01:00:49.000 Let's play it.

01:00:49.000 We'll go over it.

01:00:50.000 It's a guy with a football pad, football shoulder pads on, in a gorilla suit.

01:00:55.000 Explain to me this.

01:00:56.000 Okay.

01:00:57.000 I'm not confronting you.

01:00:58.000 I know.

01:00:59.000 But why...

01:01:00.000 This is just a more...

01:01:01.000 This isn't like proof, but this is a weird thing.

01:01:04.000 Why did...

01:01:05.000 They go to the trouble to give it breasts.

01:01:07.000 There's a stabilized one.

01:01:10.000 It's better.

01:01:10.000 Why did they...

01:01:11.000 That was Abraham Zapruder who shot that too.

01:01:15.000 This one look.

01:01:17.000 There's a couple things.

01:01:18.000 If you notice, I want people to pay attention when you watch this video.

01:01:20.000 But what about...

01:01:21.000 Why does it have breasts?

01:01:22.000 That, to me, is the weirdest thing.

01:01:23.000 Why doesn't it have breasts?

01:01:24.000 But if they couldn't make a suit like that in that time, and why would they take the extra thing?

01:01:28.000 There wasn't four-way stretch fabric that looked like fur at that point.

01:01:32.000 I'm not sure if that's entirely true.

01:01:34.000 You've been listening to a lot of knuckleheads.

01:01:36.000 And I also think that it's ridiculous to say, why would they make...

01:01:41.000 Look at that.

01:01:42.000 That looks like a man in a fucking monkey suit.

01:01:44.000 You've been listening to a lot of dingbats.

01:01:46.000 That's what you've been.

01:01:47.000 Yeah, you wackadoo, you.

01:01:49.000 Look at it move.

01:01:50.000 That is a man.

01:01:51.000 That is not a man.

01:01:52.000 That is not compelling to me.

01:01:53.000 That looks like it's a man.

01:01:54.000 Are you serious?

01:01:55.000 Yeah, the gate looks like a dude with a big load in his pants.

01:01:58.000 He's wearing a diaper.

01:01:59.000 He's got football shoulder pads on.

01:02:02.000 It's all fucked up, stupid outfit.

01:02:04.000 And I think you're looking at it from...

01:02:06.000 You know, the problem is, here's the problem.

01:02:08.000 I can mindfuck myself.

01:02:09.000 The problem is, if we play it back over again, I go, that's fucking real.

01:02:12.000 Yeah, man, look at the calf.

01:02:13.000 The movement in the calf.

01:02:14.000 I'll look at his ass.

01:02:15.000 Back it up a little bit.

01:02:16.000 Let's watch it again.

01:02:16.000 Just look up calf.

01:02:17.000 I'm going to try to mindfuck myself now.

01:02:19.000 Here, I'm going to mindfuck myself.

01:02:20.000 Ready?

01:02:21.000 Oh my god, I think it's real.

01:02:23.000 Let's see if I can mindfuck myself.

01:02:23.000 When it goes back and forth like that, that's only...

01:02:25.000 You've got to play yackety sax.

01:02:28.000 Look at that.

01:02:31.000 Penny Hill goes out and slaps.

01:02:33.000 Look at it walk.

01:02:35.000 Let's zoom and stabilize on the Bigfoot.

01:02:42.000 I wish I could mindfuck myself, but I can't.

01:02:45.000 I try.

01:02:46.000 I try, but it looks so stupid.

01:02:47.000 I think it's so funny to you that you look at that.

01:02:49.000 It's like he's got slightly longer hands, like he's probably got some artificial hands in the suit.

01:02:54.000 And if you watch this, look up Bob Hieronymus, Bigfoot walking.

01:02:59.000 I am fascinated.

01:02:59.000 There's some footage of him split screen with Bob Hieronymus walking on one side of the screen and the Sasquatch.

01:03:06.000 And God damn it, Bob Hieronymus was a big gangly Sasquatch looking motherfucker.

01:03:10.000 Let's take a look.

01:03:10.000 And he passed a lie detector test.

01:03:12.000 Yeah, but that's not valid.

01:03:14.000 Yeah, but I mean when the guy walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.

01:03:17.000 He told the story so many times he started believing it.

01:03:20.000 It's possible.

01:03:20.000 He might have O.J. Simpson the whole thing.

01:03:22.000 I think you can do that to yourself.

01:03:23.000 I believe it 100%.

01:03:25.000 100%.

01:03:26.000 You believe what?

01:03:27.000 That you can do that to yourself?

01:03:28.000 Sure.

01:03:28.000 My memory of my childhood is so goddamn foggy.

01:03:32.000 You know, I could go one way or another way and start telling a story about it one way.

01:03:36.000 And then by the time I get 10 years down the line, I don't even fucking remember what really happened.

01:03:40.000 Your childhood is so bananas.

01:03:42.000 Do you spend time trying to piece it together, or do you move past it?

01:03:47.000 What do you mean?

01:03:48.000 Well, I mean, it's pretty nuts, the moving around, and I've heard you talk about it in the past.

01:03:53.000 The moving around was nuts, but the really nutty thing was the martial arts.

01:03:58.000 Competing and going and competing in martial arts tournaments throughout my high school years.

01:04:01.000 That was the nuttiest thing because I was a child and I was having martial arts competitions against grown men.

01:04:06.000 My instructor was crazy and he made me fight grown men when I was 15. So like from the time when I was 15 till I was 21, all I did was full contact martial arts tournaments.

01:04:17.000 That was way scarier than anything.

01:04:19.000 It was almost like I was so scared of growing up and I was so scared of being an adult and And I was so scared of just interacting with people and fitting in in any place because I was always the new kid and always moving.

01:04:30.000 I was so scared of fitting in that I just decided to do something way harder than that.

01:04:35.000 So I didn't have to think about that.

01:04:36.000 I tried to do the most obscure, crazy, scary thing to me.

01:04:41.000 It's really weird.

01:04:47.000 It's kind of sad to hear this.

01:04:49.000 No, it's not sad.

01:04:49.000 It worked out great.

01:04:51.000 It was sad if I had to go back and be myself as a child.

01:04:53.000 It was often sad as a child, but ultimately it worked out.

01:04:57.000 I mean, it's not sad to go through tough experiences and develop character.

01:05:01.000 I don't think that's sad.

01:05:03.000 There's a lot of people who came out a lot worse than me.

01:05:05.000 It was fine.

01:05:06.000 But when did the comedy come about?

01:05:08.000 That's the part that's weird.

01:05:08.000 The comedy came about from gallows humor, from going to tournaments.

01:05:12.000 I used to make my friends laugh in the locker room.

01:05:15.000 I would make my friends laugh on buses and planes and shit.

01:05:17.000 I would be the guy who was trying to crack the ice because we were all terrified.

01:05:21.000 And I wasn't insecure around them.

01:05:22.000 The guys that I trained with, it was probably the first time in my life I felt confident enough to talk out about things and make a joke about things and not get told to shut the fuck up or someone's going to kick my ass.

01:05:35.000 Moving from town to town when you're the new kid, it's like you always have to defend yourself.

01:05:40.000 You're always dealing with the local bully and it's a constant thing.

01:05:44.000 So when I started doing martial arts, these guys all knew me, so I was comfortable around them.

01:05:48.000 So then I would make fun of shit to lighten the tension because everybody was scared.

01:05:51.000 Because when you go to tournaments, it was just fear.

01:05:54.000 The bus was filled with fear and everyone's scared.

01:05:57.000 So weird.

01:05:57.000 Weighing in is scary.

01:05:59.000 And then every now and then one of us would get knocked the fuck out.

01:06:01.000 You get head kicked and you deal with your friend.

01:06:04.000 Just got concussed in the thing that you do for zero money.

01:06:07.000 And you go back in the bus.

01:06:07.000 Go back in the bus.

01:06:08.000 He's got an ice pack on his head.

01:06:10.000 Oh my God.

01:06:10.000 Black eyes and shit.

01:06:11.000 It was common.

01:06:12.000 And the parents are around?

01:06:13.000 Do you call the family?

01:06:14.000 No, they were all adults.

01:06:15.000 I was the only child.

01:06:16.000 Wow.

01:06:16.000 Yeah, until some kids came along when I was like...

01:06:21.000 19 and 20, there were some kids that joined up that was like 17 and 18, but for the longest time I was really young.

01:06:26.000 Did you have any social life?

01:06:28.000 Zero.

01:06:29.000 Zero.

01:06:29.000 No partying, no drinking, no nothing.

01:06:31.000 I had a couple friends from high school.

01:06:33.000 And my best friends actually went to the school that was the other school.

01:06:36.000 And what about women?

01:06:38.000 Did you have girlfriends at all?

01:06:39.000 Yeah, yeah, I had a girlfriend.

01:06:40.000 Almost ruined me.

01:06:41.000 My first girlfriend.

01:06:41.000 Because as soon as they started having sex, I just didn't want to train anymore.

01:06:44.000 I was like, why would I go do that?

01:06:50.000 This is way more fun.

01:06:52.000 Does everybody know about this?

01:06:54.000 Yeah, it was ridiculous.

01:06:55.000 I was like, this sex is way better than martial arts.

01:06:57.000 Getting my face punched in.

01:07:00.000 Having my nose shoved into my brain.

01:07:03.000 Yeah, it was always a struggle.

01:07:05.000 We were talking about Patterson before.

01:07:07.000 I suddenly became a shrink on you.

01:07:10.000 I think it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.

01:07:13.000 It's a duck.

01:07:13.000 I want you to watch this.

01:07:15.000 This is Bob Hieronymus walking and then the Bigfoot.

01:07:18.000 Bob looking and turning just like the Bigfoot.

01:07:20.000 I mean, come on, man.

01:07:21.000 Put that guy in a goddamn monkey suit.

01:07:23.000 I don't think it's a mistake that the knees aren't shown here, honestly.

01:07:27.000 I mean, if you look at the knees and the way the calf goes up...

01:07:33.000 You ever walk with ice skates on?

01:07:37.000 Yeah.

01:07:37.000 You know how ice skates don't bend right?

01:07:39.000 You have to pick them up and make an exaggerated walking motion.

01:07:43.000 What the Bigfoot looks like to me is a dude with a suit on.

01:07:47.000 That's got crazy feet on the suit and he has to walk a certain way because they don't bend.

01:07:52.000 You know what's funny?

01:07:53.000 I'm not giving way too much about the movie, but there is footprints in the movie.

01:07:59.000 Yeah.

01:08:00.000 You shouldn't even say that.

01:08:01.000 You shouldn't have said that.

01:08:01.000 Oh, really?

01:08:02.000 Yeah, stop.

01:08:02.000 Stop right now.

01:08:03.000 Oh, okay.

01:08:04.000 Make people...

01:08:04.000 Because there's so much about this movie that's so badass.

01:08:07.000 If your movie sucked, I'd let you keep talking.

01:08:09.000 But your movie's too good.

01:08:10.000 Thanks, man.

01:08:11.000 You'd let me shoot myself in the foot?

01:08:13.000 Don't do it, goddammit.

01:08:14.000 Don't do it.

01:08:15.000 So I'm just here to plug Hot to Trot tonight?

01:08:18.000 It would be beautiful if a guy who's a con man just happened to be the first guy to actually see Bigfoot and film it.

01:08:26.000 It would be fascinating.

01:08:26.000 Well, don't you feel that way about being a comedian?

01:08:29.000 Now, you went out, and where did you go?

01:08:32.000 We went to the Pacific Northwest, but we're not going to fake anything.

01:08:34.000 No, no, no, but I mean, but if you find something, they're like, oh, it's Joe Rogan, you know?

01:08:39.000 Yeah, no, absolutely.

01:08:41.000 That's how I feel about it.

01:08:42.000 Like, I'm going up to Oregon and talking to Cliff, and we're going to go out, but I also feel like I taint it, you know, the idea that if we find anything...

01:08:54.000 I don't think so.

01:08:55.000 I think you're just like me, and I think your feeling about it is genuine.

01:09:01.000 I think it's a fascinating subject.

01:09:03.000 It's very possible that it's bullshit, but it's also very possible that it's not.

01:09:07.000 Let's throw it all out and say it is fake.

01:09:11.000 What is it about the subconscious through thousands of years that people continually see these things?

01:09:18.000 I mean, why is it, you know, and Teddy Roosevelt tells a story of, you know, why does it keep showing up over and over?

01:09:25.000 Let's finish that.

01:09:26.000 Teddy Roosevelt tells a story in his book about a camp that he was out where a guy killed a wild man.

01:09:31.000 Or a wild man killed a man.

01:09:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:09:33.000 And everything was destroyed.

01:09:35.000 But so, like, all these stories that keep showing up, I don't...

01:09:39.000 I'm interested too in that.

01:09:40.000 Like what is it in part of our subconscious?

01:09:42.000 What part of why do these archetypal characters keep showing up that happens to be a man in the woods?

01:09:48.000 Could it be simply as keep your kids away from bears?

01:09:51.000 Or is it something bigger?

01:09:54.000 Or is it an 800 pound wood ape?

01:09:57.000 I mean, you know, it's all fascinating.

01:09:59.000 There's so many different things to consider when you say something like that.

01:10:02.000 It's like, first of all, you have to consider that it's probably a conglomeration of a bunch of things.

01:10:07.000 And one of those things being that everyone's afraid of the unknown.

01:10:09.000 And when you look out into that dark woods and you just say, what the fuck is out there?

01:10:14.000 This is when you said that I started getting creeped out for the first time, by the way.

01:10:17.000 And I was in the woods...

01:10:21.000 17 miles down a dirt road.

01:10:24.000 11 hours from LA north.

01:10:26.000 Then we go to Willow Creek.

01:10:27.000 Then you drive about 40 minutes to Orleans.

01:10:30.000 Then you drive up this road.

01:10:31.000 Then we drive two and a half hours down a 17 mile dirt road to get to the location.

01:10:35.000 So there's no phones.

01:10:36.000 There's no planes going over.

01:10:38.000 So two mountain lions.

01:10:40.000 Whoa.

01:10:40.000 Two mountain lions.

01:10:41.000 Two.

01:10:42.000 And I put the actors in the tent in that scene and they're going, hey man, why are we here?

01:10:47.000 Man, we could do this in a parking lot.

01:10:52.000 That's so true.

01:10:53.000 But they couldn't.

01:10:54.000 No, because it was, you know...

01:10:56.000 It feels fucking real.

01:10:58.000 There's nothing about...

01:10:59.000 Don't say any more, goddammit.

01:11:00.000 You already said some shit.

01:11:02.000 Motherfucker, stop talking about it.

01:11:04.000 But it is...

01:11:04.000 I am happy that people like it, that it is scary, that there's laughs, and it was the most fun I had making a movie.

01:11:12.000 Going down a dark road and getting into the woods of the Pacific Northwest, it will give you this new appreciation of how ridiculously wild that area is.

01:11:24.000 Yeah.

01:11:24.000 Like, the idea that we have an accurate account.

01:11:27.000 Did you get, like, a buzz when you start, like, when you're around the trees?

01:11:31.000 Oh, from the trees, yeah.

01:11:32.000 There is, right?

01:11:33.000 Or am I turning into a moonbeam?

01:11:36.000 No, no, no.

01:11:36.000 There's a feeling.

01:11:36.000 I mean...

01:11:36.000 Well, they're energy.

01:11:39.000 Yeah, man.

01:11:39.000 Trees are alive.

01:11:41.000 Yeah.

01:11:41.000 But the oxygen that they make, you get this weird buzz.

01:11:44.000 I was not frightened.

01:11:46.000 Everybody else was kind of frightened.

01:11:49.000 I didn't realize this about myself.

01:11:52.000 I just dropped my trowel.

01:11:54.000 I'm walking around in my underwear, jumping in the river.

01:11:58.000 Is that where you want to get a lake house?

01:12:00.000 Yeah, or even I'm fine with a river now.

01:12:01.000 You're squatching.

01:12:02.000 That's what you're doing.

01:12:03.000 You want to go up there and go squatching.

01:12:04.000 I just...

01:12:04.000 Yeah, man.

01:12:05.000 And I don't want to...

01:12:08.000 I'm not a prepper.

01:12:10.000 I don't like that attitude.

01:12:11.000 I really don't.

01:12:12.000 Because it's like...

01:12:13.000 I don't like these preppers.

01:12:15.000 It's like this weird end of times or Christian Judeo BS that they're buying into.

01:12:20.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:12:21.000 The world...

01:12:21.000 If we've learned anything about the world, it's not going to go out with one big bang.

01:12:25.000 You know, it's just like, you know, things are going to fall apart, but it's not going to be anarchy.

01:12:31.000 I don't know why so many people in every movie is about, you know, a Scientologist saving the world.

01:12:37.000 I think we've been through several of those in history.

01:12:42.000 I think we're better at understanding it now because we have the written word and we have history and we have all these different stories of the past of civilizations that have deteriorated back when people didn't really have access to books and knowledge.

01:12:53.000 I think it's some weird sort of hopelessness that's just...

01:12:57.000 And I don't buy it.

01:12:58.000 I don't.

01:12:59.000 I don't.

01:13:00.000 I think human beings are so resilient and...

01:13:05.000 Or there is the Carlin bit.

01:13:06.000 Maybe the Earth needs plastic.

01:13:10.000 That's funny.

01:13:11.000 As a species, I mean, I think that we probably will carry on, but it's really easily conceivable that some natural disaster could happen that could wipe out most of the population of Earth.

01:13:24.000 All you need is one big Yucatan-sized meteor that hits.

01:13:28.000 True.

01:13:28.000 And we're done.

01:13:29.000 And there's hundreds of thousands of those floating around.

01:13:31.000 Not like three of them.

01:13:32.000 But I'm not...

01:13:34.000 I think I'm more of an optimist.

01:13:36.000 I think when you just prep and decide to go underground, I want to go out in the woods because I like the quiet.

01:13:45.000 I like the smells.

01:13:46.000 It's beautiful.

01:13:47.000 Yeah.

01:13:48.000 But everybody else with me was just completely flipped out of their mind.

01:13:51.000 Mine's like this intern.

01:13:52.000 This is a tiny crew and he's like, hey man, what's the difference between a bobcat and a mountain lion?

01:13:59.000 We saw two of them.

01:14:00.000 Where'd you see them?

01:14:00.000 One in Willow Creek just walking across the street and then one...

01:14:04.000 Were you in a car or were you driving?

01:14:05.000 We were in a car for one, but the other one was right where we were filming and...

01:14:09.000 And he goes, hey man, a bobcat and a mountain lion, what's the difference?

01:14:12.000 I go, bobcat's stocky, and he's got a short tail, and a mountain lion's tall, and he's got a long tail.

01:14:20.000 He's like, yeah, I saw a mountain lion.

01:14:23.000 And I go, where?

01:14:24.000 And I'm like, you know, this is like a, I'm Werner Herzog making Fitzcarraldo.

01:14:30.000 I'm like out of my mind and I go, where?

01:14:31.000 And he goes, to the left.

01:14:32.000 I go, to the right, fellas.

01:14:34.000 There's a real problem with them not allowing them to hunt mountain lions anymore.

01:14:38.000 Well, mountain lions I'd found out later on are badass.

01:14:41.000 They're scary.

01:14:42.000 Well, here's the thing.

01:14:43.000 They're cats.

01:14:44.000 Yeah.

01:14:44.000 So if you run, you're a 200 pound mouse.

01:14:48.000 You know what I mean?

01:14:49.000 It's just going to take you down.

01:14:50.000 Yeah.

01:14:50.000 Well, they go after people on bikes for that very reason.

01:14:52.000 They can't help themselves.

01:14:54.000 It's a mouse, yeah.

01:14:55.000 And so, like, you on a bike with a light is a laser pointer.

01:15:00.000 And so, I was like, how close were you?

01:15:03.000 He goes, about five feet.

01:15:04.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:15:06.000 And if you've ever seen him, by the way...

01:15:09.000 Because the one I did see, and I have big balls, I was in a car, but the one I saw was huge.

01:15:15.000 It's a lion, and they just walk, and he was walking with a purpose across the road.

01:15:21.000 Like, I'm sure he's about to eat something.

01:15:23.000 It's a real problem.

01:15:24.000 California's banned hunting of them.

01:15:26.000 Really?

01:15:27.000 And some places are banned use of dogs.

01:15:28.000 You need dogs to hunt them, because otherwise you'll never find them.

01:15:31.000 But what happens to the dogs?

01:15:32.000 I mean...

01:15:32.000 The dogs bathe them.

01:15:33.000 They bark, they get them up a tree, and then the person comes along and shoots them.

01:15:37.000 Sometimes dogs get attacked, though.

01:15:38.000 Yeah, that's part of that story.

01:15:40.000 I'm not so happy about that either.

01:15:42.000 Now, when you went in the woods, did you have a gun?

01:15:44.000 There was a guy with us that had a gun.

01:15:46.000 Yeah, everybody kept saying, oh, you got a gun?

01:15:48.000 You should have a gun around mountain winds.

01:15:49.000 I know, I know, I know.

01:15:50.000 Now you know.

01:15:51.000 Now I know.

01:15:52.000 We had a ranger with us.

01:15:55.000 He's also a Bigfoot Robert Lederman.

01:16:00.000 He's a ranger and he's a Bigfoot enthusiast.

01:16:04.000 He's a really sweet guy.

01:16:05.000 Huge help on the movie, actually.

01:16:07.000 And...

01:16:09.000 And, you know, it's like 3, 4 in the morning, and he's like, you know, I'm a writer, too.

01:16:14.000 And I go, oh, really?

01:16:15.000 I go, what do you write?

01:16:16.000 He goes, you know Twilight?

01:16:17.000 I go, yeah.

01:16:18.000 I write a tween novel set in the Bigfoot world.

01:16:25.000 It's a coming-of-age story, like Twilight.

01:16:28.000 So two Bigfoot hunters fall in love?

01:16:29.000 Young Bigfoot.

01:16:31.000 A young Bigfoot falls in love with a person?

01:16:33.000 No, no, people fall in love in the world.

01:16:36.000 I go, what's the name?

01:16:37.000 He's like, Yeti or not?

01:16:38.000 No.

01:16:39.000 Yeah, and I'm like, I go, this is...

01:16:44.000 This is...

01:16:46.000 My air hose.

01:16:47.000 You're like, this guy is the only thing to keep me alive tonight.

01:16:52.000 Yeti or not, oh my god, that's hilarious.

01:16:55.000 I was very happy that he liked the movie.

01:16:57.000 Again, you know, these were folks...

01:17:00.000 In the community.

01:17:01.000 Yeah, Stephen Stufford up in Bigfoot Books, if you saw that in the movie.

01:17:06.000 This is the last thing I'm going to say about it.

01:17:08.000 The howl.

01:17:09.000 The howl was very authentic.

01:17:12.000 It's like I've heard the sounds that they supposedly connect with the howl.

01:17:16.000 Well, that's the thing.

01:17:17.000 You listen to that stuff, too.

01:17:18.000 Okay, let's forget the Patterson-Gimlin footage, but there's so much stuff.

01:17:22.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:17:22.000 I don't think there's no evidence that Bigfoot exists, and I don't think that Bigfoot doesn't exist.

01:17:27.000 The Patterson-Gimlin footage.

01:17:28.000 A guy's a coaxer.

01:17:29.000 A guy's a bullshit artist.

01:17:30.000 I met people when I was up in the Pacific Northwest that knew Patterson and knew the other dude, too.

01:17:37.000 Bob Gimlin.

01:17:38.000 Hieronymus.

01:17:38.000 Oh, oh.

01:17:39.000 Geronimus, the guy who wore the suit.

01:17:41.000 And they said those guys were bullshit artists.

01:17:43.000 They were always trying to make money, and they'd been trying to do it for a long time.

01:17:45.000 They'd had someone else make a suit.

01:17:47.000 They'd had someone else make a suit, and it didn't work, and so they had this...

01:17:50.000 Well, but Patterson...

01:17:51.000 Who made that suit, then?

01:17:53.000 Who the fuck knows?

01:17:54.000 But you know what?

01:17:54.000 Here's the thing.

01:17:54.000 That suit is an amazing suit for that time.

01:17:56.000 It's not that good.

01:17:57.000 Here's the problem.

01:17:58.000 Everybody wants to say that it's really good, but here's what's realistic.

01:18:03.000 It's blurry as fuck.

01:18:04.000 So you're not getting a real, accurate, crisp version of what you're seeing.

01:18:07.000 You're getting this smushy version of it.

01:18:09.000 And so everybody wants to attribute it to muscles and this movement to like, there's no design, no costume like that.

01:18:15.000 I would buy that if you would show me a high resolution, crystal clear video of what we're looking at.

01:18:21.000 But you're looking at blurry trees.

01:18:23.000 The trees look blurry as fuck.

01:18:25.000 You can't make out the very specific branches or the texture of the bark.

01:18:29.000 So what you're looking at when you're saying that it looks so good, you're looking at this blurry thing that might be tits, that might be a flaw in the costume, that might be his ass, or he's wearing a fucking diaper under a gorilla suit.

01:18:42.000 I'm leaving.

01:18:43.000 No.

01:18:44.000 No.

01:18:45.000 I think...

01:18:45.000 Pull it up again.

01:18:47.000 Let's watch it one more time.

01:18:48.000 I want to get back to the breasts.

01:18:49.000 Stabilized.

01:18:50.000 I always think that's very weird.

01:18:52.000 It's weird, but it's not impossible to fake fits.

01:18:55.000 But if you're trying to...

01:18:56.000 It's not.

01:18:57.000 In Los Angeles.

01:18:58.000 Well, here's the thing.

01:18:59.000 Okay, how about this?

01:19:00.000 Maybe they would feel like Bigfoot is way larger than a person, so you just pretend to be a female Bigfoot.

01:19:05.000 Because Bob Hieronymus is 6'5".

01:19:07.000 He's too small to be a Sasquatch.

01:19:08.000 Oh, so they're saying...

01:19:09.000 So they give him tits.

01:19:10.000 That's way more likely than they filmed Bigfoot.

01:19:15.000 Right?

01:19:16.000 It's way more likely.

01:19:17.000 Alright, but you say that.

01:19:18.000 Now, what evidence do you buy, then?

01:19:22.000 There's a lot of things that are interesting.

01:19:24.000 First of all, the footprints with the dermal ridges.

01:19:27.000 That's fascinating.

01:19:27.000 Because that's incredibly difficult to fake.

01:19:30.000 See, I'm looking at that, man.

01:19:32.000 That's so blurry.

01:19:33.000 Look how blurry everything is.

01:19:34.000 It's all washed out.

01:19:35.000 Look at that tree.

01:19:36.000 You don't know what the fuck that tree really looks like.

01:19:38.000 You can't see shit.

01:19:39.000 You can't see anything.

01:19:40.000 Well, this is a bad version we're looking at.

01:19:42.000 But this is the best version you can get, man.

01:19:44.000 It's just blown up.

01:19:45.000 When you're looking at everything in the distance.

01:19:47.000 So you want him shot on red?

01:19:48.000 No, I'm saying it looks like shit.

01:19:50.000 You want Oslo Kovacs to be the DP? Dude, be honest.

01:19:53.000 Look at the trees you're looking at in front of Bigfoot.

01:19:55.000 Look at the trees in front of them.

01:19:56.000 You can't even see any definition of those trees.

01:19:59.000 They're in meal penalties right now.

01:20:02.000 And Bigfoot says, Patty says, I'm out of here.

01:20:06.000 Show them one more time.

01:20:07.000 That looks real to me.

01:20:08.000 Jesus Christ, you're crazy.

01:20:10.000 One more time.

01:20:11.000 Look at what you're looking at.

01:20:12.000 You're looking at incredibly blurry shit.

01:20:15.000 You're looking at incredibly blurry trees.

01:20:26.000 Why does this hold up so much over there?

01:20:30.000 It doesn't!

01:20:31.000 It's the Jesus of the Bigfoot world.

01:20:34.000 It doesn't hold up.

01:20:35.000 It's just a film that has not been authenticated or refuted.

01:20:39.000 It just hasn't been.

01:20:40.000 Because science hasn't really spent any fucking time examining it.

01:20:44.000 What about in Russia?

01:20:45.000 It's goddamn Bigfoot.

01:20:45.000 What, the Yeti in Russia?

01:20:47.000 No, no, the Russians spent a lot of time examining that.

01:20:49.000 Examining that?

01:20:50.000 Yes, yes.

01:20:51.000 Well, they were fucking with us, okay?

01:20:52.000 It's ridiculous.

01:20:54.000 It's the limit's real.

01:20:55.000 Let them waste their time.

01:20:57.000 Waste their time on this monkey.

01:20:58.000 What evidence, then, if you're so opposed?

01:21:00.000 The derma ridges are fascinating.

01:21:02.000 That's fascinating.

01:21:03.000 The Melba Ketchum DNA is fascinating.

01:21:05.000 Really?

01:21:05.000 In fact, on the show, we just had a geneticist go over that.

01:21:08.000 Yeah, but...

01:21:09.000 That's the stuff that people are calling BS on.

01:21:13.000 It could be, but the deal is though, this guy was a geneticist that overlooked the data and it was his conclusion based on his understanding of genetics.

01:21:21.000 He was an accomplished geneticist.

01:21:23.000 But not published in any real thing other than their own.

01:21:28.000 No, that's because they couldn't get published.

01:21:30.000 We are so far down there.

01:21:31.000 No, it's a good thing to say.

01:21:34.000 That's a better footage.

01:21:35.000 This is when the 09 checks out.

01:21:39.000 No, it's a fascinating subject.

01:21:41.000 I don't know if she's correct or wrong, this Melba Ketchum woman, or if it's a hoax.

01:21:46.000 But when a geneticist says that he finds the information to be compelling...

01:21:51.000 Then I have to listen because I'm too fucking stupid to understand who's right or who's wrong.

01:21:54.000 Now, did you ever see any of the story of Jimmy Stewart with the Yeti finger?

01:22:00.000 Jimmy Stewart?

01:22:00.000 The actor?

01:22:02.000 Yeah, he smuggled what was supposed to be a Yeti finger out of the Himalayas in his wife's underwear.

01:22:13.000 It wasn't in her pants, but I mean in her underwear.

01:22:16.000 Whoa.

01:22:16.000 Honey, you're going to have to keep this in your pussy.

01:22:18.000 This is important.

01:22:19.000 It's a yeti finger.

01:22:20.000 You think it's hard getting weed out of it?

01:22:23.000 It needs to be moist.

01:22:25.000 No, it was in her underwear drawer, and they got it all the way to England.

01:22:30.000 Now, that has been proven not to be a yeti finger.

01:22:33.000 What was it?

01:22:34.000 I can't remember, but I remember that.

01:22:35.000 Let's look it up.

01:22:36.000 It had DNA testing done to it.

01:22:38.000 Jimmy Stewart yeti finger results.

01:22:40.000 You know...

01:22:43.000 You know what really works for me is a lot of the audio recordings.

01:22:47.000 Well, obviously, because you were talking about that in the movie, and that is what works for me.

01:22:53.000 I love listening to them.

01:22:54.000 I think it's funny.

01:22:56.000 You were talking about UFOs.

01:22:57.000 I think it's funny.

01:22:57.000 People will go, well, where's the footage?

01:22:59.000 Well, there's a ton of footage on UFOs now that you can't wrap your brain around.

01:23:05.000 Yeah.

01:23:06.000 Okay, here's something interesting about the Yeti finger.

01:23:09.000 They said the DNA tusks have found it to be a human bone.

01:23:13.000 Well, here's what's interesting.

01:23:15.000 Jimmy Stewart's wife smuggled a human bone?

01:23:18.000 A human finger.

01:23:19.000 But they think that these things are fucking human.

01:23:22.000 It doesn't mean that that's wrong.

01:23:24.000 The people that...

01:23:25.000 I thought that they thought that this was some sort of orangutan, giant orangutan thing.

01:23:29.000 But no.

01:23:30.000 They think it's like...

01:23:32.000 That hobbit, that homo florensis, you're aware of that?

01:23:35.000 That little tiny man that they found on the island of Flores?

01:23:38.000 That was a human.

01:23:39.000 Yeah, well that's, you know, the Native Americans up in the Pacific Northwest.

01:23:44.000 You know, some of the tribes just attributed the Sasquatch as another tribe.

01:23:50.000 I mean, it wasn't...

01:23:52.000 Jesus.

01:23:53.000 Now, have you gone down this rabbit hole?

01:23:55.000 The amount of people who go disappearing in our parks.

01:24:00.000 No.

01:24:00.000 There is no federal database set up for people who go missing in the parks.

01:24:07.000 And it's...

01:24:08.000 I can't remember the number.

01:24:09.000 It's huge.

01:24:11.000 There's an author who wrote a book about it.

01:24:13.000 It's really fascinating.

01:24:14.000 Do they think these are yetis?

01:24:16.000 He doesn't even go down that road.

01:24:18.000 He just says, why is it...

01:24:20.000 We should look it up.

01:24:21.000 I don't know what the number...

01:24:22.000 He's saying, who...

01:24:24.000 What is this...

01:24:27.000 Why isn't there?

01:24:28.000 And where are all these people gone?

01:24:30.000 I can't remember.

01:24:31.000 I feel really bad for bringing up this.

01:24:32.000 Well, it's usually they could starve to death.

01:24:34.000 I mean, you get lost in the woods.

01:24:35.000 And you could get lost easily.

01:24:36.000 But the weird part is the Fed's not taking the time to have a database.

01:24:40.000 I actually have a friend whose dad died in the woods.

01:24:43.000 Yeah.

01:24:43.000 He went hiking, and then the fog rolled in, and he got trapped.

01:24:46.000 Did they find him, though?

01:24:47.000 Eventually, yeah.

01:24:48.000 Oof.

01:24:49.000 Yeah.

01:24:50.000 I think they didn't find him for a long time, too.

01:24:52.000 But, you know, you can die out there.

01:24:55.000 Once you've been out in the woods, like we were, what happens to your mind when you were out there?

01:25:00.000 That's pretty funny to me.

01:25:02.000 Well, it's very...

01:25:03.000 How late did you stay up?

01:25:05.000 Oh, we didn't sleep in the woods.

01:25:08.000 We decided to stay in a hotel that was in town that was 20 miles away.

01:25:11.000 Oh, really?

01:25:11.000 Yeah, but just being around there at night, when you're in those woods, okay, even in the day, when you go into those woods, you're gone.

01:25:19.000 We were in Mount Rainier.

01:25:20.000 You go into those woods and it's another world.

01:25:24.000 First of all, there's elk that bound in front of you and they're all, you know, five, six hundred pound animal just jumping in front of you.

01:25:30.000 Yeah, that's weird when you run into an animal.

01:25:32.000 I saw that up in Willow Creek.

01:25:35.000 Elk are huge.

01:25:36.000 That aren't afraid of you.

01:25:38.000 That's the weird part.

01:25:39.000 They don't even know what the fuck you are.

01:25:40.000 Yeah.

01:25:41.000 Yeah.

01:25:42.000 They've never seen one of you?

01:25:43.000 Well, we slept there.

01:25:44.000 They're living in those fucking woods.

01:25:45.000 Which was pretty fun because a couple of the guys, it was really funny because we were at Laos Camp, which if anybody knows, that's really close to that.

01:25:55.000 And one of the guys goes, because we had two women, the actress and the producer.

01:26:03.000 We never had a woman here before.

01:26:06.000 This is around a campfire in the middle of the night.

01:26:08.000 I go, fellas, I'm going to stop you right there.

01:26:10.000 That's usually when the raping starts.

01:26:12.000 Yeah, you shouldn't even say that, even if it's true.

01:26:15.000 Keep that shit to yourself, son.

01:26:17.000 I don't usually get women out here.

01:26:19.000 Never had women out here.

01:26:20.000 So as far as the things that they've collected, like the UFO quote-unquote evidence, to me, the most interesting shit is the howls that are really insane.

01:26:30.000 Oh, sure.

01:26:30.000 Primate howls.

01:26:31.000 Yeah.

01:26:31.000 And the dermal ridges that they found on footprints.

01:26:34.000 Terrifying, too.

01:26:34.000 Some of them was great, like in the middle of the night.

01:26:38.000 It's awesome.

01:26:39.000 I was once, before the keynote speaker got up, one of the guys...

01:26:46.000 He mentions, there's two guys, like an opener, you know, there's the feature, there's the headliner, and MC. So basically the feature brings up UFOs while he's doing his Bigfoot pitch.

01:26:59.000 And about a third of the room went, like, oh boy, who brought this kook?

01:27:08.000 I'm going to take a piss.

01:27:12.000 Well, there's people in the Bigfoot community that make fun of wood knockers.

01:27:17.000 They're out there wood knocking like they're just going to wood knock back.

01:27:21.000 Come on.

01:27:22.000 Well, I said, you know, these guys who are upset if you smoke tobacco around them.

01:27:26.000 There's people with crying babies and making bacon.

01:27:29.000 Well, the one guy saying to the other guy that you never find Bigfoot because you smoke.

01:27:33.000 I've seen Bigfoot three times.

01:27:35.000 You're never going to see Bigfoot because you smoke.

01:27:37.000 That's fucking...

01:27:38.000 That cuts at a man's soul.

01:27:39.000 And I was wondering, how does this guy feel about grass?

01:27:42.000 Does he think that Bigfoot's down with grass?

01:27:44.000 Bigfoot's probably attracted to weed.

01:27:45.000 Well, I have noticed that a few of our fellow Sasquatch hunters could possibly be a little baked out there.

01:27:56.000 Well, squatching when you're high is probably way more fun than sober squatching.

01:27:59.000 In the middle of the night, you know?

01:28:00.000 Yes.

01:28:00.000 Oh, my God.

01:28:02.000 Sober-squatching leaves much to be desired.

01:28:04.000 I really think folks can't wrap their brains around how many millions of acres there are still in like California and Oregon and Portland that are completely, like a plane goes down and no one finds it.

01:28:15.000 I think you're totally right.

01:28:16.000 And I think that's one of the things that we tried to capture on the show when we went up into Mount Rainier.

01:28:21.000 I was like, the way I described the trees, I was like, it's like a box of Q-tips.

01:28:25.000 You know how you get a box of Q-tips and they're just shoved in there?

01:28:30.000 That's all these trees.

01:28:31.000 You're not getting through that.

01:28:32.000 You're going to get through that gargoyle going like this.

01:28:34.000 One step right and one step left and one step right.

01:28:38.000 You're going to slowly have to seesaw your way through all these trees.

01:28:42.000 This is an incredibly dense rainforest and there's...

01:28:46.000 Thousands of square miles.

01:28:48.000 Thousands!

01:28:49.000 And you can't just get to the middle of it.

01:28:52.000 There's not trails through all of it.

01:28:55.000 So if something was living up there, it could see you coming a fucking mile away.

01:29:00.000 Hide from you so easy.

01:29:02.000 Especially if it had better senses than us, which, if it lives in the woods, it's gotta have animal senses, right?

01:29:08.000 Sure, of course.

01:29:08.000 Probably has senses like a dog does.

01:29:11.000 Sure.

01:29:11.000 Dogs would be able to hear you and see you coming.

01:29:14.000 There's no way a human being...

01:29:15.000 But Deer.

01:29:16.000 Deer see you coming a mile away.

01:29:17.000 They hear you coming a mile away.

01:29:21.000 So tell me, or you're not trying to talk too much about the show you did.

01:29:25.000 Who did you go out with?

01:29:27.000 I'm not trying to talk too much about it.

01:29:28.000 We went with these guys from Wasser, the Washington State Sasquatch Research Team.

01:29:35.000 Was it a blast?

01:29:36.000 Did you have a good time?

01:29:37.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:37.000 They were great guys.

01:29:38.000 They were hardcore, dedicated squatchers.

01:29:41.000 And they took us to some serious spots.

01:29:43.000 And we saw some weird shit.

01:29:45.000 We saw some trees that were arranged in some really peculiar positions in the middle of the forest.

01:29:49.000 Of nowhere, and you're going.

01:29:50.000 We also saw some trees that were broken in the middle, which is really weird, because there's no wind inside this forest.

01:29:56.000 You're deep, deep, deep in the forest, and you see trees that are snapped in half seven feet up.

01:30:03.000 Like, something grabbed it and snapped it.

01:30:05.000 I don't know what the fuck it was.

01:30:07.000 I mean, I don't know what happened, but it's weird.

01:30:09.000 You know, you see that.

01:30:10.000 To them, that's Squatch.

01:30:12.000 That's a sign of Squatch.

01:30:14.000 Squatch is marked as your territory.

01:30:16.000 There's an area in Alaska, I don't know if you're familiar with it, how deep you went with your Bigfoot research.

01:30:21.000 I have not gone to Alaska yet.

01:30:22.000 Not if you've gone deep, but have you heard of the trees?

01:30:25.000 The two trees that are uprooted?

01:30:27.000 Jamie, see if you can find the photo.

01:30:28.000 There's two trees in Alaska that they believe Bigfoot has uprooted and driven into the ground.

01:30:34.000 Not yet.

01:30:35.000 I'm doing a gig up there in two weeks.

01:30:37.000 Which town?

01:30:38.000 I'm doing a gig in Anchorage.

01:30:40.000 Yeah.

01:30:40.000 Well, the Anchorage is really, it's beautiful, but yeah, maybe that's why I'm going off the grid.

01:30:46.000 Yeah, that's great.

01:30:48.000 I'm addicted to this.

01:30:49.000 At least you're going now.

01:30:50.000 I mean, I did two dates in February in Anchorage.

01:30:53.000 No!

01:30:53.000 You kind of reassess your career choices the second time you go, hello, Anchorage.

01:30:58.000 How cold was it?

01:30:59.000 It was so cool, but it's, you know, it's this weird thing.

01:31:02.000 There's guys wearing shorts and sneaks because you just go in and out of heated things and it's dry.

01:31:07.000 There's like snow places that never goes away and stuff.

01:31:11.000 These are those trees.

01:31:12.000 They're picked up by their roots and driven into the ground and no one knows how the fuck it was done.

01:31:18.000 They know that it wasn't done with heavy equipment because there's no, like, apparently there's no marks in the trees that correspond to the use of heavy equipment.

01:31:27.000 Supposedly.

01:31:27.000 Allegedly.

01:31:28.000 I don't know.

01:31:29.000 I mean, here's the thing.

01:31:31.000 When you hear these stories, you're hearing about them.

01:31:33.000 See if there's any other photos of that jamming.

01:31:35.000 Better ones.

01:31:36.000 I've seen some different ones that are more in detail.

01:31:39.000 But you don't know how much you're dealing with is just people that are in love with that shit, you know?

01:31:44.000 Sure, but I, you know, there's...

01:31:50.000 There's a cynicism that you can have, and then there's the question of what if.

01:31:56.000 And you could even say, all this stuff is BS, but I do love the what if.

01:32:03.000 Right, right, yeah.

01:32:06.000 Jane Goodall thinks they're real.

01:32:08.000 Yeah, Jane Goodall, yeah, sure.

01:32:10.000 That's legit to me.

01:32:11.000 That's when the 09 gave me shark eyes when I pulled out Jane Goodall.

01:32:16.000 Did she really?

01:32:17.000 You know, I mean, like, you know how sharks, you know, they roll back before they bite.

01:32:21.000 She's like, wow!

01:32:23.000 Like, yeah.

01:32:24.000 Well, people that think it's bullshit and you start pulling out Jane Goodall.

01:32:28.000 That's, well, you know, that's, again, the 09, she likes to say this movie, Willow Creek, that's what the name of this movie is that we're talking about.

01:32:39.000 I can't announce it yet.

01:32:41.000 It got into some bigger festivals.

01:32:42.000 That'll happen soon.

01:32:44.000 How is it not just in the movies?

01:32:47.000 I'm, um...

01:32:48.000 I think that you can make a good trailer for the movie, and I think it could open.

01:32:53.000 I think it's different than the other movies I made.

01:32:55.000 It's fucking great!

01:32:55.000 I would go see that if I was on a date.

01:32:58.000 It's a great date night movie.

01:32:59.000 It's fucking fun.

01:33:01.000 It's a fun...

01:33:01.000 Look, and obviously, I'm very biased because I love you, and I'm a Bigfoot dork, so it's a double combination.

01:33:07.000 But I enjoy the shit out of it, man.

01:33:09.000 Well, thanks, man.

01:33:10.000 Thanks, thanks.

01:33:11.000 You're welcome.

01:33:12.000 I, um...

01:33:13.000 It's funny.

01:33:15.000 I'm starting now to make about a movie a year.

01:33:17.000 Different sizes, different budgets, different people.

01:33:21.000 In the meantime, I work for other folks and I do stand-up.

01:33:24.000 I'm about to go do Patton's new Comedy Central special.

01:33:28.000 I'll direct that.

01:33:29.000 Oh, that's great.

01:33:30.000 You're directing a stand-up special?

01:33:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:33:32.000 Where's he filming that?

01:33:35.000 He's going to be at Comic-Con.

01:33:38.000 Oh, wow.

01:33:38.000 That's perfect.

01:33:40.000 Yeah, that is like...

01:33:42.000 He stacked the deck.

01:33:43.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:33:46.000 That would be like if you were in one of those giant southern cathedrals that holds the mega churches.

01:33:54.000 Yeah.

01:33:54.000 And then Christ actually just came out of the floor.

01:33:56.000 He just showed up.

01:33:57.000 That's what Patton at Comic Con is going to be like.

01:34:00.000 I love Patton.

01:34:01.000 Yeah, he's brilliant.

01:34:02.000 I love his writing.

01:34:03.000 It's fucking fun, man.

01:34:05.000 Yeah, he's brilliant.

01:34:06.000 So that kind of stuff.

01:34:08.000 If I can work with a comic and try to make it easier when they show up.

01:34:14.000 So they're not worrying about some knuckleheads.

01:34:18.000 That makes me really happy.

01:34:20.000 That's just as satisfying, believe it or not, as going out and doing a show.

01:34:24.000 Oh, that's awesome.

01:34:25.000 Yeah, because I love comics and I don't like it when people make it harder.

01:34:31.000 You know what I mean?

01:34:31.000 Just before you go on, on TV, everybody's saying the worst thing.

01:34:35.000 You're going to do good.

01:34:37.000 I was like, don't stay the fuck out of here.

01:34:39.000 Shut up.

01:34:40.000 Shut up.

01:34:40.000 You're not making me loose.

01:34:41.000 Yeah, that's the worst thing ever.

01:34:43.000 You know, they're questioning, you're gonna do good.

01:34:45.000 You know, my friend Tony, like...

01:34:47.000 Tony V? Yeah, so like, he was on Letterman.

01:34:49.000 I love Tony.

01:34:49.000 I love Tony V. So I sent him flowers when he's on Letterman, and it just said, don't fuck this up.

01:34:55.000 And then one time, he was taping another TV show, and it was years ago, and I go, Tony, I'm coming down there tonight to watch you tape.

01:35:05.000 He goes, oh, really?

01:35:06.000 No, I'm bringing Robin Williams, so don't fuck this up.

01:35:10.000 He just thinks you're my friend.

01:35:11.000 He doesn't know that you're funny, so really do good.

01:35:14.000 He's like, you're a fucking asshole.

01:35:16.000 And then, of course, you do that to a guy, and they go up, and they're laughing.

01:35:21.000 Subconsciously, he's going, well, Bob wouldn't...

01:35:23.000 Bob Cavett's not going to tell me.

01:35:24.000 I'm going to...

01:35:28.000 You need a safety zone.

01:35:30.000 You need friends that aren't driving you nuts before you go on.

01:35:34.000 What I like about what you've done with your...

01:35:37.000 I hate the word career, but I guess that's what it is.

01:35:41.000 You know, career always seems so formal.

01:35:44.000 Yeah.

01:35:44.000 It's just how you express yourself.

01:35:46.000 What I like about it is that you have not boxed yourself into any one corner.

01:35:50.000 Like, this Bigfoot thing is this fucking freaky horror movie.

01:35:53.000 That's why I love it.

01:35:54.000 It's, like, so funny.

01:35:55.000 It's, like, people, like, you know, the perception, and then you make it, and it's really fun to watch with an audience.

01:36:00.000 But what I was going to say is, but also, like, I'll run into you, and you're directing The Chappelle Show.

01:36:05.000 I'll run into you, and you're directing Kimmel.

01:36:07.000 Yeah.

01:36:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:36:08.000 You know, I mean, you're doing all this weird shit, but you're equally competent at all of it, and it seems like you're equally enthusiastic about all of it.

01:36:15.000 Yeah, well, thanks.

01:36:15.000 Which allows you to, like, direct someone's stand-up and enjoy it as much as doing your own stand-up, which you also enjoy.

01:36:21.000 Yeah, I'm pretty lucky.

01:36:24.000 Now, you know, the other side of it is, like, it's not...

01:36:31.000 It's probably the least secure I've ever been financially.

01:36:35.000 But there's something awesome every time you jump off and you go, hey, what am I going to do next?

01:36:40.000 And every time it works out in some harebrained way.

01:36:44.000 I mean, I gave the commencement speech at my daughter's school at Hampshire College.

01:36:49.000 Well, first I went up and I just read an Oprah speech, word for word.

01:36:56.000 Whenever I'm nervous, I always go to Oprah.

01:36:58.000 And it was all about making it.

01:37:01.000 And I was like, blah, blah, blah, dreams and hopes.

01:37:04.000 This doesn't apply to any of you kids.

01:37:07.000 You guys gotta quit as often as possible in life until you end up someplace.

01:37:12.000 That you don't want to leave.

01:37:14.000 And you can smell the parents' stomach acid.

01:37:17.000 They just spent all this money on an education.

01:37:19.000 That's so true.

01:37:20.000 That's actually amazing advice.

01:37:21.000 Quit as many times as you can until you find something you don't want to leave.

01:37:26.000 There's a weird thing for guys our age.

01:37:28.000 I mean, you're younger than me, but where we...

01:37:31.000 We're doing all different things, and are we enjoying them or not?

01:37:34.000 And then all of a sudden, this age, we come onto our own, and the freaky part is, after World's Greatest Dad, I wrote five screenplays.

01:37:44.000 I mean, I just write screenplays all the time.

01:37:46.000 And someone goes, well, who are you competing with?

01:37:49.000 And I'm like, the Grim fucking Reaper, man.

01:37:53.000 I don't know.

01:37:53.000 I'm not like sitting looking over at you.

01:37:56.000 Who are you competing with?

01:37:56.000 That's not an interesting question that if you produce anything, you create something, you're competing against somebody to create it.

01:38:02.000 What a shitty mentality.

01:38:04.000 But common.

01:38:05.000 It's a common thought.

01:38:07.000 Yeah, and as soon as you can remove those guys and make it yourself instead of other people and you're not judging what you make by their standards and stuff, it's a pretty awesome place.

01:38:20.000 Yeah, that's the thing about being a grown-ass man too.

01:38:25.000 It's like you get to a point where you're comfortable in your own life and you're comfortable with what you do and you know what's good and what you've done.

01:38:32.000 You've had enough feedback by what you've done that you enjoy and what you've done that you did for money and then you get to this sort of place where you're like, okay, I know what I'm doing here.

01:38:41.000 Yeah, and I'm not on a pink cloud.

01:38:43.000 There's gigs I take for the bread and there's things I do, but it does make it a little easier when you're sitting there and you're asking.

01:38:51.000 What is your police academy?

01:38:54.000 I'm interested in that.

01:38:55.000 Oh, it has to be a fear factor.

01:38:56.000 Fear factor, okay.

01:38:57.000 And you're polite, I'm sure, when people talk about it.

01:39:00.000 I enjoyed doing it.

01:39:01.000 You know, Fear Factor was nothing...

01:39:03.000 There's nothing artistic about Fear Factor, but there was...

01:39:05.000 I had a lot of great moments.

01:39:07.000 But there are a couple questions that you've heard a million times, right?

01:39:10.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:11.000 And what is it?

01:39:11.000 What is the one you get?

01:39:12.000 Oh, did you ever eat any of that stuff?

01:39:14.000 Hey, Joe, is Fear Factor for you?

01:39:17.000 Yeah, but I have a very healthy attitude about it.

01:39:21.000 And, you know, I'm happy that people enjoy the show, you know, and I understand what it would be like if I enjoyed the show and I ran into me.

01:39:29.000 I might say something stupid, too.

01:39:31.000 I might say, it's for a fact of you, buddy, because I wouldn't know what else to say.

01:39:34.000 I'm an idiot, you know?

01:39:36.000 But you don't detest it.

01:39:40.000 We do our best and smile through it.

01:39:42.000 Yes.

01:39:43.000 But this person doesn't realize they're the third person that stopped me today.

01:39:47.000 At the airport.

01:39:48.000 And asked me at the airport.

01:39:49.000 As you went to your gate.

01:39:50.000 No, you know what it is.

01:39:51.000 It's always, you know what it is?

01:39:52.000 It's the security people.

01:39:54.000 When you're taking your belt off.

01:39:56.000 Yo, man, where's that movie with that horse at?

01:39:59.000 Yo, man, you did that movie with that horse?

01:40:01.000 You did the movie with the beer.

01:40:03.000 Oh, you did that shit?

01:40:04.000 Oh, man.

01:40:05.000 But now it's worse because they go, I don't know him.

01:40:07.000 They go looking at me and it's like, I never heard of him.

01:40:11.000 Do the voice.

01:40:12.000 It's the worst.

01:40:13.000 Jimmy Kimmel loves to bust my balls harder than anyone about the voice.

01:40:18.000 It's just, you know, like if we're doing the show and, you know, doing the commercial, I go over there, do the voice.

01:40:23.000 I go, Drake, you know what I mean?

01:40:27.000 That's hilarious.

01:40:28.000 Jimmy went and got a star, and I hadn't seen him in a while, so I went with him.

01:40:34.000 I was very touched.

01:40:35.000 He got a star on the Hollywood Boulevard?

01:40:36.000 Yeah, it was really sweet.

01:40:37.000 It was a real Capra-esque moment with everybody, guys that I've seen in and out of his life.

01:40:44.000 It was really sweet to watch.

01:40:47.000 But the O9 goes, you know, I tried to get you a star.

01:40:52.000 And I go, what happened?

01:40:53.000 They said, ma'am, the posthumous request, swear to God.

01:40:57.000 It's another, it's another.

01:40:59.000 They thought you were dead?

01:41:00.000 Yeah.

01:41:00.000 And I said to her, I go, well, then what did you do?

01:41:02.000 She goes, well, the guy insisted you were dead.

01:41:05.000 And I said, I'm your wife.

01:41:06.000 And then, and I was like...

01:41:08.000 I would have taken a dead star.

01:41:10.000 I don't care.

01:41:11.000 You know, I would have showed up in, like, gore makeup like I'm a zombie.

01:41:14.000 That would actually be hilarious if they gave you a star.

01:41:17.000 A dead star.

01:41:17.000 You're dead, they gave you a star, and then you showed up for the...

01:41:20.000 And they're like, what the fuck is going on?

01:41:22.000 Coming out of lower down.

01:41:23.000 You're alive!

01:41:25.000 In this day and age, I mean, everyone's zombie-obsessed.

01:41:27.000 Yeah, just coming in gore makeup with maggots coming out of an eye socket.

01:41:33.000 She killed me!

01:41:34.000 That's hilarious.

01:41:36.000 That would be really funny, man.

01:41:38.000 I mean, sure, you can get somebody in Hollywood to do it really good, like Walking Dead style, where it looked realistic.

01:41:43.000 Sure, yeah.

01:41:44.000 That would be awesome.

01:41:45.000 So I have a question.

01:41:47.000 You did this one episode.

01:41:49.000 What's the next one?

01:41:50.000 Well, we're doing six.

01:41:53.000 We're picked up for six.

01:41:54.000 It starts July 16th.

01:41:56.000 I had a similar idea, but what I wanted to do, and this was after shooting Willow Creek, I thought it'd be funny to go, let's say I go...

01:42:06.000 The Jersey Devil, right?

01:42:08.000 Right.

01:42:08.000 But I make it, because I'm interested in filmmaking, so I get Kevin Smith to go with me in a tent, and we go and sleep out and look for the Jersey Devil.

01:42:18.000 Yeah, that would be great.

01:42:19.000 And then you just keep going, but it's always like, you know, John Waters is Baltimore, and we go find this haunted house in Baltimore again, you know, and just camp out.

01:42:29.000 That's funny.

01:42:29.000 What I'm doing is some of them I'm doing with comedians, like I did one with Duncan Trussell.

01:42:34.000 He went with Looking for Bigfoot with me.

01:42:36.000 Oh, okay.

01:42:36.000 And Ari Shaffir is going to go to a transhumanist conference with me in New York.

01:42:42.000 Transhumanism is...

01:42:43.000 I don't know transhumanism.

01:42:44.000 People that want to download consciousness into computers, like Ray Kurzweil and the other like.

01:42:50.000 All the people that are into robots.

01:42:52.000 So he's going to go and do some of that with me, too.

01:42:55.000 So a lot of it I'm doing it with comic friends.

01:42:58.000 But it's cool to go, have an open mind, and just not be snarky, because here's the thing, what people don't realize.

01:43:06.000 All these different subcultures and stuff, they have a sense of humor.

01:43:09.000 Yeah.

01:43:10.000 You don't have to roll your eyes, you know?

01:43:13.000 I mean, like, there's a lot of laughs in Will Creek from these guys, and they're just, you know, they know they're making jokes.

01:43:19.000 They're not, you know, they're...

01:43:21.000 Yeah, listen, the guys that we were hanging out with up in Seattle, Mount Rainier, they were great guys.

01:43:28.000 And one of the guys had a great point.

01:43:30.000 He goes, hey, he had never seen Bigfoot.

01:43:32.000 And he had been fascinated by it, and he'd been looking.

01:43:35.000 He said, listen, if I don't ever even see Bigfoot, I'm still camping.

01:43:38.000 I'm enjoying the wilderness.

01:43:39.000 I'm out here having a good time.

01:43:40.000 Which makes me wonder why people get so aggressive about it.

01:43:44.000 People get aggressive about music.

01:43:46.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:43:47.000 They get aggressive about movies.

01:43:49.000 That guy sucks!

01:43:50.000 They get aggressive about TV shows.

01:43:51.000 Like, how the fuck can you watch this?

01:43:53.000 I had a...

01:43:56.000 Now, it's actually so played out, but I had a story when I was directing Kimmel's show about...

01:44:04.000 Nickelback.

01:44:05.000 And the first time I tell the story, I go, I go, and I wasn't, like, I think making fun of Nickelback is really hacky at this point, but I really said, I go, what's the band that sucks?

01:44:15.000 And the guy immediately goes, Nickelback.

01:44:16.000 I go, yes, they were on the show.

01:44:18.000 Now, as a comic, I go, I'm going to see if that works tomorrow night.

01:44:21.000 And It does.

01:44:22.000 Of course.

01:44:23.000 Every time.

01:44:24.000 It's really funny that these guys, for some reason, are the whipping boy of music.

01:44:28.000 I don't understand that.

01:44:29.000 I'm confused, but I'll join in.

01:44:32.000 I will tell stories out of school that the manager of Nickelback came into the booth And he goes, don't shoot Chad from the front.

01:44:47.000 And I'm like, I don't even know what Chad is.

01:44:49.000 You know, I figure out that's the lead singer.

01:44:51.000 He says, don't shoot Chad from the front.

01:44:53.000 I was like, why?

01:44:54.000 He goes, because of his nose.

01:44:55.000 Just shoot him.

01:44:57.000 Don't shoot him profile.

01:44:58.000 Just shoot him in the front.

01:44:59.000 I'm sorry.

01:44:59.000 He says, shoot him in the front.

01:45:00.000 No profile.

01:45:01.000 That's what I said.

01:45:02.000 I was like, okay.

01:45:03.000 So he leaves, and all the cameramen are my best friends.

01:45:06.000 When you're a television director, that's who you really bond with.

01:45:10.000 And they're like going, oh, don't shoot.

01:45:12.000 Hey, Bob, can I direct?

01:45:13.000 You're letting the manager and Nickelback direct.

01:45:16.000 They're really busting my balls.

01:45:18.000 So if you see The Kimmel Show, as the show goes off the air, The band's playing, right?

01:45:24.000 And so I go, yeah, there's a profile shot.

01:45:27.000 And just as I go to the AD, I go, tell me when I have 10 seconds left.

01:45:33.000 She goes, okay.

01:45:34.000 And she goes, 10 seconds.

01:45:35.000 I go, shoot the nose!

01:45:36.000 And six cameras.

01:45:38.000 I just go whizzing in from every direction.

01:45:40.000 And I did a montage of his nose.

01:45:43.000 I go, ready camera 5, ready 4, ready 3, ready 6, ready 6. And we just went off the air with this guy's nose.

01:45:52.000 And so it got super quiet in the headsets.

01:45:56.000 And the guys go, hey man, what are we going to do now?

01:45:59.000 And I'm like, ah.

01:46:02.000 I didn't plan for that.

01:46:03.000 I'm getting in my car.

01:46:05.000 Good weekend, guys.

01:46:06.000 Did anybody yell at you?

01:46:07.000 Well, I know that it didn't make the West Coast broadcast.

01:46:11.000 They censored the nose?

01:46:13.000 Well, I'm sure people flipped out.

01:46:15.000 Because I did something like that to another band.

01:46:19.000 That's his fucking nose.

01:46:20.000 It's not that bad.

01:46:21.000 He's not an ugly guy.

01:46:23.000 Again, though, if someone didn't come into the booth and tell me what to do, I wouldn't even have done the tribute to his nose.

01:46:29.000 What do you attribute the...

01:46:32.000 The whole hate for Nickelback, too.

01:46:34.000 Is it that they're too smooth?

01:46:35.000 I don't know.

01:46:36.000 Are they too polished?

01:46:37.000 I don't...

01:46:37.000 I mean, there's...

01:46:38.000 Too poppy?

01:46:38.000 I don't understand why just suddenly everybody gangs on Nickelback when there's so much more crap in the world.

01:46:45.000 Yeah.

01:46:46.000 What is it?

01:46:47.000 I don't know.

01:46:48.000 It's just this weird...

01:46:49.000 Well, you know what it is.

01:46:50.000 I'll tell you what it is.

01:46:51.000 There's a safety in bullying.

01:46:53.000 If we all decide that we're going to bully Nickelback, then you're not bullying me.

01:46:57.000 Or Justin Bieber.

01:46:58.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:46:59.000 Or whoever.

01:46:59.000 Fill in the blank.

01:47:00.000 Liking him or disliking Justin Bieber, I don't have that kind of time, you know?

01:47:05.000 You know what I mean?

01:47:06.000 I don't even know.

01:47:08.000 He's not for me.

01:47:09.000 Although he does...

01:47:10.000 But then again, you're a 50-year-old man, you know?

01:47:13.000 Yeah, but here's the thing.

01:47:15.000 I think of him in terms of Donny Osmond when I was growing up.

01:47:20.000 I was threatened and weirded out, and then when I got older, I was like, hey, Donny Osmond's not a bad guy.

01:47:25.000 He's a nice guy!

01:47:27.000 Isn't that weird?

01:47:28.000 You end up meeting all the time.

01:47:28.000 Donny was super nice.

01:47:30.000 I did his show.

01:47:31.000 The Donny and Marie show.

01:47:33.000 I had a Donny doll that I used to bring out a puppet and do so stupid and do weird things with him.

01:47:40.000 I'd do like a puppet show with him?

01:47:42.000 Yeah.

01:47:42.000 Well, you know, I'm gutting fish, so it wasn't that much of a stretch for me to pull out a Donny Osmond doll.

01:47:48.000 My early stand-up, there was no jokes.

01:47:50.000 I mean, it's nice that you liked to meet Bob because I had material then, but it was just doing one weird thing after another.

01:47:56.000 I was super influenced by Andy Kaufman.

01:47:58.000 Oh, okay.

01:47:59.000 And Steve Martin and stuff like that.

01:48:01.000 So if I did well, it would kind of go well.

01:48:05.000 And then sometimes when I did bad, the show would go off the rails, you know?

01:48:09.000 It would just ruin all the other guys' nights and stuff.

01:48:12.000 Well, you guys were...

01:48:13.000 It was such a...

01:48:14.000 That comedy environment was such a hot environment.

01:48:18.000 But it also...

01:48:19.000 The Boston comedy environment really supported originality.

01:48:23.000 Originality was really huge.

01:48:25.000 Yeah, it was for weird.

01:48:26.000 It was nice that if you were derivative, you didn't get work.

01:48:31.000 And you got shit on.

01:48:32.000 Sure, yeah.

01:48:33.000 You got shit on by all your peers.

01:48:35.000 Nobody just let that slide.

01:48:36.000 They kept a high standard, which is difficult for people who don't want to maintain a high standard.

01:48:41.000 But for people that you realize that you're going to have to be judged by your peers, you kick it off a little.

01:48:46.000 So you got this weird court of your peers.

01:48:48.000 Yeah.

01:48:48.000 So you don't do this, you don't do that, you don't do other people's acts.

01:48:51.000 So then you go on stage.

01:48:53.000 Then we're going to goose it and have some of the toughest, worst crowds in the world.

01:48:59.000 Yeah.

01:48:59.000 So it was a good place.

01:49:01.000 Nick's Comedy Stop?

01:49:02.000 Sure.

01:49:02.000 Animals.

01:49:03.000 Play it against Sam's?

01:49:05.000 Sam's.

01:49:06.000 I had a thing called Dollar Night.

01:49:09.000 At Sam's.

01:49:10.000 And it'd be me and Steven Wright and we'd walk the room, you know?

01:49:14.000 People would be like, what the hell was that?

01:49:16.000 I started out at the Paradise.

01:49:18.000 Stitches.

01:49:18.000 Oh, really?

01:49:18.000 Stitches?

01:49:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:49:20.000 So I have a question for you.

01:49:22.000 Do you think anybody's going to come along as a comedian and ever be what Steve Martin was?

01:49:30.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

01:49:31.000 Or do you think we're too fractured as a society?

01:49:34.000 Like, my mother weighed in on Steve Martin.

01:49:36.000 She thought he was funny.

01:49:37.000 Right.

01:49:38.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:49:39.000 And you did as well, so it went across the board.

01:49:41.000 Exactly, that's what I'm saying.

01:49:42.000 My dad knew who he was.

01:49:43.000 Jim Gaffigan is squeaky clean and I think funny to everybody.

01:49:47.000 Brian Regan.

01:49:48.000 But these guys appeal to everybody, but they're not the phenomenon.

01:49:51.000 They're not on the cover of Growing Stone.

01:49:52.000 Yeah, right, I feel you.

01:49:54.000 I don't think it could happen.

01:49:57.000 And there's certain things I don't think can happen anymore because of the digital age.

01:50:01.000 I'm not saying it's good or bad, but I'm just saying...

01:50:04.000 I don't know about that, because Dane Cook cracked through because of the digital age, and although his was more of a teeny bopper sort of a crowd, that guy was doing 18,000-seat arenas.

01:50:12.000 That was very Steve Martin-esque.

01:50:15.000 But when I was growing up, Steve Martin you had to deal with.

01:50:19.000 My parents, if they were alive, would not know who Dane Cook is.

01:50:22.000 Yeah, but that's just Dane Cook.

01:50:23.000 I'm saying he broke through in his digital age.

01:50:25.000 Sure, no, I'm saying there's going to be people that will be huge, but I don't think there will be people that are so huge that everybody in the family knows them and they're a phenomenon.

01:50:34.000 I wonder.

01:50:35.000 I don't think it could happen again.

01:50:36.000 You might be right, and we are definitely more fragmented than ever.

01:50:40.000 In a way, it's a good thing because there's a lot more audience for more obscure people that wouldn't have had an outlet before.

01:50:47.000 I think that's great.

01:50:47.000 I think that's great, too.

01:50:48.000 But I do worry about our exposure to our world gets minute.

01:50:57.000 Or maybe I'll just say for myself, am I going to go to BBC and learn today about the events?

01:51:05.000 Or am I going to click on...

01:51:09.000 Bigfoot site and go down a rabbit hole for two hours.

01:51:11.000 What do you think is going to happen?

01:51:13.000 I do the same thing.

01:51:14.000 There's something, you know, when you had a newspaper, now it's like, I'm an old guy yelling, get off my lawn.

01:51:18.000 But you had a newspaper, I go through, oh, I'm interested in that.

01:51:22.000 I didn't know that was going on in China.

01:51:23.000 And I think the digital age makes it a little bit too much.

01:51:28.000 You can find news that agrees with your outlook, which is weird.

01:51:32.000 The news should not be...

01:51:37.000 It's never impartial, but it should be somewhat.

01:51:40.000 Yeah, if you have confirmation bias, you could support it really easily on the internet, just sticking to a bubble.

01:51:47.000 I love when I'm ego-surfing and I see someone call me a libtard, and I'm like, I'm so out of there.

01:51:54.000 A libtard!

01:51:56.000 Yeah, when someone calls you a liberal, that's hilarious.

01:51:59.000 Self-hating liberal.

01:52:00.000 Liberal is one of the weirdest sort of insults ever.

01:52:04.000 Because if you look at the...

01:52:06.000 Okay, let's look at the official...

01:52:08.000 The definition of it, yeah.

01:52:09.000 It's the official definition of liberal.

01:52:12.000 Okay.

01:52:13.000 Where's the...

01:52:15.000 C-Libtard.

01:52:17.000 C-Libtard.

01:52:19.000 Alright, look it up in a dictionary.

01:52:21.000 It says, to open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values.

01:52:28.000 That's hilarious.

01:52:29.000 That sounds pretty positive.

01:52:31.000 Unprejudiced, unbigoted, broad-minded, open-minded, enlightened, permissive, free...

01:52:41.000 Free and easy and easy going.

01:52:43.000 Now, the only thing that seems to be threatening to me would be to folks is disregarding – what was it?

01:52:50.000 Disregarding traditional values.

01:52:52.000 Yeah.

01:52:52.000 See, that's very threatening to people.

01:52:54.000 There's people that treat the Constitution as if it's like the Ten Commandments, like that there's no – we're checks and balances.

01:53:02.000 We can change and adjust things, but there's people that are so ingrained.

01:53:06.000 That's really scary.

01:53:06.000 Yeah.

01:53:07.000 I think there's also the real problem with liberalism is a lot of people know that folks naturally are inclined to be lazy fucks.

01:53:14.000 And if you give people an easy way out, they'll take it.

01:53:17.000 So as soon as you start advocating giving people aid or helping people out or people are like, get him up!

01:53:24.000 Get that fucker up!

01:53:25.000 It's like...

01:53:26.000 There's a part of people that...

01:53:29.000 Resents them immediately.

01:53:30.000 Resent, yeah.

01:53:31.000 There's a resentment against the idea that liberals are not into hard work.

01:53:36.000 But what happened after World War II? It's like, hey, you're down on your luck.

01:53:39.000 Here's your GI loan.

01:53:40.000 Here's this, here's that.

01:53:41.000 I think it was a much, much, much harder world that they were dealing with.

01:53:44.000 And it was only a couple of decades after the fucking Depression.

01:53:47.000 Yeah.

01:53:48.000 Where people are much more used to living together, scraping to get by.

01:53:51.000 Your parents almost starved to death 20 years ago, and they all have stories about it.

01:53:55.000 Yeah.

01:53:56.000 My grandfather had horrible stories about the Depression.

01:53:58.000 Scary shit.

01:53:59.000 Yeah, my old man lived through the Depression, and that'll make...

01:54:02.000 Well, my old man's a whole other can of worms, but...

01:54:08.000 The house was mine.

01:54:10.000 You know what?

01:54:11.000 Would we be sitting here talking?

01:54:13.000 No.

01:54:14.000 Yeah, you'd never.

01:54:15.000 You'd never be a comic.

01:54:17.000 I think that's one of the number one pieces of...

01:54:20.000 I've never met a comic that didn't have a fucked up life.

01:54:23.000 Yeah.

01:54:24.000 I don't think I've ever met one.

01:54:25.000 Basically, I think my act, it was me going on stage going, Mom, do you hear me?

01:54:33.000 I think that's in a nutshell.

01:54:37.000 Yeah.

01:54:37.000 That's 100%.

01:54:38.000 But it's funny how my favorite art form comes out of that in balance.

01:54:43.000 It seems like it's the only way to achieve it.

01:54:46.000 To achieve it correctly, there has to be some sort of a deficit to create this...

01:54:52.000 It's a reaction to a lack of something.

01:54:54.000 It's not just a natural progression from, I was kind of a funny guy in high school, and I figured, let me try out this stand-up thing.

01:55:01.000 Well, here's the thing.

01:55:03.000 What we're missing is that...

01:55:05.000 Those times that we bombed, we probably should have never got back on stage.

01:55:09.000 Right.

01:55:10.000 But we eat it and then go back up again because it's horrible.

01:55:15.000 It's a crazy, weird thing.

01:55:19.000 Often the funniest guy in the room is not the comedian.

01:55:23.000 Often.

01:55:23.000 Many times.

01:55:24.000 The comedian's got the illness or the nads to go up there.

01:55:29.000 Or both.

01:55:30.000 Yeah.

01:55:31.000 But, you know, something's happening lately on stage, and this is not me lying, that all of a sudden, for the first time in 30 years, I'm sometimes having fun up there.

01:55:42.000 I was always panicked the whole time.

01:55:44.000 Really?

01:55:44.000 Yeah, something new.

01:55:46.000 Like, all of a sudden, I don't know, man.

01:55:49.000 I'm on this new thing.

01:55:50.000 Like, sometimes with the right crowd, I actually enjoy it.

01:55:53.000 And, yeah, you know, it's a new thing.

01:55:56.000 Yeah.

01:55:57.000 Isn't that funny?

01:55:58.000 Something that people enjoy so much to come see, and it looks like you're having so much fun out there.

01:56:02.000 But for a lot of folks, it's just terror and fear and worry about bombing and just fucking trying to get...

01:56:08.000 When it's over...

01:56:10.000 And then you're like, fuck, two more shows tomorrow.

01:56:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:56:14.000 Even if you're killing every show, you know, sometimes.

01:56:17.000 It's a new thing.

01:56:19.000 You know, suddenly it dawned on me what was a new thing that dawned on me is like...

01:56:26.000 And it was, okay, these people have an expectation, and I'm not doing that.

01:56:32.000 But how can I warm up to them?

01:56:36.000 How can I include them?

01:56:37.000 So it's not just me saying, this is what I see the world as.

01:56:40.000 This is what I see as funny.

01:56:41.000 If you don't like it, cram it.

01:56:43.000 I'm not saying compromise what I believe in.

01:56:45.000 But suddenly, I was doing a little bit of crowd work that wasn't like, how do you know when you're finished?

01:56:51.000 Yeah.

01:56:53.000 You know, to actually just sit around and poke around and talk to folks.

01:56:57.000 And it's been different.

01:56:59.000 It made doing stand-up a lot more fun.

01:57:01.000 That's awesome, man.

01:57:03.000 I love when people, like, re-find the joy of performing.

01:57:07.000 Or find it.

01:57:08.000 Well, like, Cosby's funny still.

01:57:10.000 And I'm like, oh, what is he doing?

01:57:12.000 How is he doing that?

01:57:13.000 How is he funny?

01:57:14.000 He doesn't have an opening act.

01:57:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:57:17.000 Cosby does like an hour and a half.

01:57:18.000 Hello, everybody.

01:57:19.000 He sits down and boom.

01:57:21.000 It was actually Louis that said to me.

01:57:22.000 He was like, CK, he's like, go see Cosby.

01:57:26.000 He goes, he's going to do a ton of material.

01:57:29.000 You're going to think 20 minutes went by, he's still funny.

01:57:32.000 And lo and behold, yeah, I go and I was like, this is weird.

01:57:35.000 I wanted to be bitter and he ruined it.

01:57:39.000 Well, maybe it's because he just enjoys the art form.

01:57:42.000 As long as like, stand-up to me seems like...

01:57:45.000 I feel like when I'm really tuned into it, I'm like a passenger, and I feel like it's a group hypnosis thing.

01:57:53.000 Like you lock people, and you know how to do the bits right, you know where it's going, you know the setup, and you hold the pause, and it becomes like this big thing.

01:58:01.000 And if you tune into that frequency and nourish it, as long as you continue to nourish it, it seems like something that would always be there.

01:58:08.000 It seems like when people lose it is when they take a couple years off, And then they go back again or something happens and they're not really into it anymore.

01:58:16.000 I think it's maybe the opposite.

01:58:18.000 It's like when people just, this works, I'm going to do it and just get out of here tonight with my life.

01:58:23.000 Get the check.

01:58:24.000 You know what I mean?

01:58:25.000 Because I know I have done that.

01:58:27.000 But this is different, a new phase where I go up there and I go, alright, it's not a mistake you're here.

01:58:36.000 You know what I mean?

01:58:37.000 Slow it down.

01:58:39.000 Slow it down.

01:58:40.000 And instead of just blurting out those new ideas, you know, that's usually what I do, like, in the first couple minutes, whatever the new ideas is.

01:58:46.000 And then I do the act.

01:58:48.000 I go, gee, slow it down.

01:58:50.000 It has been new.

01:58:51.000 You know, maybe people are like, I'll see, you know, I keep doing it and see if folks like it.

01:58:56.000 Are you more comfortable as a person now?

01:59:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:59:01.000 So is that it, you think?

01:59:02.000 Yeah, I'm not like, you know, rainbows and crapping unicorns all day.

01:59:06.000 I mean, I get dark, but I will say, the majority of the time, I'm happy, and I'm happy when I'm making stuff.

01:59:15.000 So now I know that, well, okay, no one greenlit this movie, or no one did this and that.

01:59:20.000 I pick up my, you know, I start writing, you know?

01:59:23.000 It doesn't matter if it gets made or not.

01:59:25.000 That process is very freeing.

01:59:27.000 Yeah, there's something about creating things where, especially if people enjoy those things, if you can put those things out and they can, like, people can, like, actually get like a, like when, like, say someone goes to see Willow Creek.

01:59:39.000 If you go and see this movie, what you're going to get is, like, a feeling.

01:59:43.000 You're going to sit down and this thing's going to happen in front of you and you're going to...

01:59:48.000 And you're going to have all this feeling attached to you.

01:59:51.000 And you as, you know, the pretentious word artist, but you as an artist, like as someone who's created this, gets to sit there and realize that your effort, your thought, your focus, all this, you piece it together, you edit it up, and boom.

02:00:05.000 And then you deliver it, and then you get to watch all this positive reaction.

02:00:09.000 You just want to go do more.

02:00:10.000 You just want to continue that cycle of...

02:00:12.000 Well, for me, I think it's kind of like I keep making these movies and it's really exciting, especially like the last four, when after the movie, people are chatty.

02:00:23.000 They're like...

02:00:23.000 Right.

02:00:24.000 Which happens.

02:00:25.000 It's really sweet.

02:00:26.000 And...

02:00:29.000 And I guess basically what I'm doing is I'm shooting out a flare saying, do you guys see this?

02:00:35.000 Do you guys feel this?

02:00:36.000 Is this right?

02:00:37.000 What's going on?

02:00:38.000 Wouldn't this be cool?

02:00:41.000 That's what I'm doing when I make a movie.

02:00:43.000 Well, that's the way to do it, man.

02:00:45.000 I mean, it's a true form of expression.

02:00:48.000 Like, instead of you saying, oh, this will sell.

02:00:51.000 You know, hey, if I box this with that and add in a funny black guy, boom, I'm fucking dumb in.

02:00:57.000 If I do the voice.

02:00:58.000 Yeah.

02:00:58.000 Instead, you're like, you know what, man?

02:01:00.000 I'm fucking into Bigfoot.

02:01:02.000 Let's make this weird fucking crazy movie about Bigfoot.

02:01:05.000 Well, that's what I got to say about my wife.

02:01:06.000 That's really funny.

02:01:07.000 She says...

02:01:10.000 Go.

02:01:12.000 Go to your Bigfoot.

02:01:13.000 She wanted you to get it out of your system.

02:01:16.000 She let me drive around for a week.

02:01:18.000 So is that what you did to write it?

02:01:20.000 You just drove around for a week?

02:01:21.000 I truly wasn't even writing.

02:01:22.000 It was really just, I'm going to go.

02:01:25.000 I'm going to talk to people.

02:01:26.000 I'm just going to do this with no agenda.

02:01:29.000 Wow.

02:01:30.000 I knew that someday I'd probably make a movie, but it was really more just like, do you know how freeing that is?

02:01:36.000 Yeah.

02:01:36.000 To take five, six days I still had to do a couple of phoners, which is funny.

02:01:43.000 They go, where are you?

02:01:45.000 I'm looking for Bigfoot.

02:01:47.000 That's hilarious.

02:01:48.000 You're doing phoners for gigs?

02:01:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:01:52.000 I'll be in Peoria at the jukebox, but right now I'm at it.

02:01:57.000 So you go out there, you take 11 days, you go wandering around for Bigfoot.

02:02:02.000 Where did you decide to start?

02:02:04.000 Did you have a specific...

02:02:05.000 No, no.

02:02:06.000 I drove up first to Santa Cruz and the Sierras, too.

02:02:10.000 I drove around there.

02:02:11.000 I heard Santa Cruz is amazing.

02:02:12.000 I've never been.

02:02:13.000 I heard it's beautiful up there.

02:02:14.000 Yeah, it's really, really awesome.

02:02:15.000 I just went where I kind of poked around and knew certain sites where people had seen or heard or events.

02:02:25.000 Again, I ended up in Willow Creek.

02:02:28.000 I didn't go up to Happy Camp, which I probably will still.

02:02:33.000 I mean, that's another pretty Sasquatch.

02:02:36.000 Happy Camp?

02:02:36.000 Yeah, it's above Orleans.

02:02:39.000 It's above Bluff Creek and everything.

02:02:43.000 It's still another place that there's a lot of Squatch activity.

02:02:45.000 Isn't there a bunch of different names for those areas, too, that are like monkey names and ape names?

02:02:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:02:52.000 Like Ape Canyon.

02:02:53.000 Yeah, yeah, and Oregon, yeah.

02:02:55.000 It's very strange how many things.

02:02:57.000 It's like, why, yeah.

02:02:58.000 And in Mount Rainier, up in that area, there's a bunch of names that are one of the North American names for Bigfoot.

02:03:07.000 There's a bunch of canyons that are named after that.

02:03:10.000 So this guy starts talking about all these different areas, and it's got this weird North American name in it.

02:03:16.000 And he said, well, that's how we started our Bigfoot squatching.

02:03:20.000 We just started going to all these places that the North American Indians had named after Bigfoot.

02:03:25.000 I'm like, that is fucking crazy.

02:03:26.000 They named spots?

02:03:28.000 Again, yeah.

02:03:29.000 It makes you fucking think.

02:03:31.000 Yeah.

02:03:32.000 And it's also, when all's said and done, you know, whenever you're a subculture, you're going to get ridiculed and picked upon.

02:03:40.000 But like you said, it's just camping.

02:03:43.000 It's camping, and it's fun.

02:03:44.000 There's something silly about it.

02:03:46.000 I mean, I went with Duncan Truss and we ate pot candies and had a fucking blast.

02:03:49.000 Well, that's what I was wondering about.

02:03:51.000 Because I know some of these guys are high.

02:03:53.000 Of course.

02:03:54.000 But they're very worried about what Bigfoot, you know, because Bigfoot likes different smells.

02:04:00.000 Right.

02:04:01.000 And I'm like, are they eating it?

02:04:03.000 They gotta eat it.

02:04:04.000 Well, if they're smart, they'd eat it.

02:04:05.000 But even if you eat strong weed, like, you open up, like, I remember one time...

02:04:12.000 I won't even say his name, but we were on a plane.

02:04:15.000 And he had brought a Tupperware thing and his fucking carry-on with weed cookies.

02:04:21.000 And it was an international flight, okay?

02:04:23.000 And this motherfucker opens the lid and he goes, do you want one?

02:04:27.000 Redman's not here.

02:04:27.000 You can say it.

02:04:28.000 It wasn't him.

02:04:28.000 No, I know.

02:04:29.000 I'll tell you that.

02:04:30.000 He opens the lid and the smell was so strong.

02:04:33.000 I'm like, oh my god, we're going to jail.

02:04:35.000 I'm like, are you crazy?

02:04:36.000 Do you know what that smells like?

02:04:37.000 He's like, I can't even smell it.

02:04:39.000 And I was like, you can't smell it because you've been smelling it for so long.

02:04:42.000 You are it.

02:04:43.000 You become it.

02:04:44.000 It was so scary.

02:04:45.000 It was so powerful, strong.

02:04:47.000 I would think if you had those brownies out there in the woods, Bigfoot's going to fucking smell that.

02:04:52.000 Have I ever told you the Tony V story about when he was the American tourista gorilla?

02:04:57.000 No.

02:04:58.000 Okay, this is great.

02:04:58.000 I don't think so.

02:04:59.000 Tony won a contract to be the gorilla, and so he'd show up.

02:05:03.000 Now, Tony's a big guy, right?

02:05:05.000 He's like...

02:05:06.000 Like 250, you know, maybe a little heavier sometimes.

02:05:10.000 So he's a big guy.

02:05:11.000 I think he was about three bills when he was the gorilla.

02:05:14.000 So Rick Baker builds him a gorilla suit that's 20 grand.

02:05:19.000 It's made of, like, real hair, and it's got this whole gorilla muscle structure.

02:05:25.000 Now Tony goes to, like, hockey games and stuff, and people get mad, you know.

02:05:31.000 He goes out on the ice.

02:05:32.000 Fuck you, gorilla!

02:05:33.000 You're not the real gorilla!

02:05:34.000 You know, people are just mad.

02:05:36.000 We're fucking horrible, aren't we?

02:05:37.000 Animals.

02:05:38.000 Animals.

02:05:39.000 So Tony, the gorilla suit's got a better deal than Tony.

02:05:43.000 It's got a guy that travels with these anvil cases and packs it up.

02:05:48.000 And so Tony's doing stand-up in the meantime with me.

02:05:52.000 And hopscotching while he's doing the gorilla dates.

02:05:54.000 Now the gorilla suit is not with us, but he's got this onesie, this big unitard that he wears under the gorilla suit.

02:06:01.000 And clearly he was having some chafing problems.

02:06:04.000 So he goes and...

02:06:07.000 So we're getting searched through customs going out of Canada.

02:06:11.000 And there's all this white powder and rocks that form from his sweat from...

02:06:17.000 The crotch sweat.

02:06:20.000 I swear to God.

02:06:21.000 Oh my God.

02:06:22.000 The custom guy licks his finger and he picks up one of the rocks and he tastes it from his balls.

02:06:29.000 Oh no!

02:06:31.000 It was a ball.

02:06:32.000 No!

02:06:32.000 It was a rock of baby powder.

02:06:34.000 No!

02:06:35.000 From his balls!

02:06:36.000 From his balls sweat.

02:06:37.000 And I think I'm kind of, I think I'm witty.

02:06:41.000 All I do is I go, ah, his balls!

02:06:44.000 That's all I got.

02:06:47.000 Tears!

02:06:48.000 That's all he can get out of?

02:06:50.000 As soon as the rock hit his tongue, he was just immediately like, I don't know what he said, he could tell like, he's like, balls and old man dick, and he's just like, what the fuck is going on?

02:07:04.000 It was the best face ever.

02:07:06.000 Just like, hyperventilating.

02:07:08.000 We were actually...

02:07:11.000 Because I love Tony.

02:07:13.000 I love Tony.

02:07:14.000 We're just holding each other up.

02:07:16.000 We're just two guys just wrapped around each other, crying.

02:07:22.000 And what is the guy doing?

02:07:24.000 It was the best thing we ever saw.

02:07:25.000 What is he doing?

02:07:26.000 Furious.

02:07:27.000 He's mad?

02:07:28.000 Furious.

02:07:29.000 What the fuck?

02:07:29.000 Who told him to put it in his mouth?

02:07:32.000 We could have stopped him, by the way.

02:07:34.000 He licks the finger and then he's got all the way down and we both look like our heads snapping.

02:07:39.000 That was so funny.

02:07:40.000 That was the best thing ever.

02:07:41.000 He thought it was coke.

02:07:42.000 He thought he was catching someone with coke.

02:07:43.000 Yeah, he thought he got the big...

02:07:43.000 I got a big case in it.

02:07:45.000 He's got the...

02:07:46.000 The big collar.

02:07:47.000 He's gonna get kicked upstairs.

02:07:48.000 Oh, that is so funny.

02:07:50.000 Tony V told me one of the most important things that I ever learned about driving.

02:07:55.000 Because he was driving back and forth from New York to Boston.

02:07:58.000 It was a long thing.

02:07:59.000 And he was doing it a lot.

02:08:00.000 I forget what he was working on, but he was driving back and forth a lot.

02:08:03.000 And I go, how do you do that without going crazy?

02:08:05.000 He goes, I just go zen.

02:08:06.000 He goes, when I'm in the car, I just say, now this is what I'm doing.

02:08:10.000 He goes, I don't say, man, I wish I wasn't doing this and I could be doing something else.

02:08:15.000 He goes, I just say, this is what I'm doing.

02:08:18.000 I never thought about it that way.

02:08:20.000 I was like, yeah, you can do things you don't want to do like that and just have it in your head.

02:08:25.000 This is what I'm doing.

02:08:26.000 My wife had a friend who sold ice cream in an ice cream truck and it played Turkey and the Straw over and over.

02:08:35.000 What is that?

02:08:37.000 All day long.

02:08:43.000 Turkey and the Straw.

02:08:43.000 And he said, you know what I did?

02:08:45.000 I said, I'm going to make that my favorite song.

02:08:49.000 It became his favorite jam.

02:08:53.000 Wow, that's madness.

02:08:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:08:55.000 Ice cream truck, that would be the best job.

02:08:57.000 That would be horrible.

02:08:59.000 You could deal with a lot of shitty kids.

02:09:00.000 They would definitely make you want to not have kids.

02:09:02.000 Yeah, and I'd also be giving kids ice cream on the side.

02:09:07.000 Mostly, aren't people just selling weed out of ice cream trucks?

02:09:10.000 I don't know.

02:09:12.000 If you're lucky.

02:09:13.000 I mean, there's the Van Halen song.

02:09:15.000 You know, it's funny as you grow up.

02:09:16.000 I grew up, you know, I was the first generation of getting the Ramones.

02:09:24.000 I got to see them live.

02:09:26.000 I actually would help build the PAs.

02:09:28.000 That's how I'd sneak into bars when I was underage.

02:09:30.000 The Ramones, punk rock and all this stuff.

02:09:33.000 And I rebelled against all this stuff.

02:09:36.000 As it kept coming up, like, you know, then later on the kids were in the Van Halen.

02:09:40.000 I'm like, that's not punk rock, you know.

02:09:42.000 I was an asshole, right?

02:09:44.000 But I was down in Baja with a bunch of buddies, and they were all surfing.

02:09:48.000 And I'm like the...

02:09:50.000 I mean, we're in the middle of nowhere, like about five, six hours.

02:09:54.000 I don't know if you've ever gone out in Mexico.

02:09:57.000 I think it's a little too sketchy now, but there's nothing around there.

02:10:01.000 Any surfers with no shipwreck, it's a famous surf site.

02:10:04.000 And we're driving along the side of a cliff, and I'm driving this Jeep.

02:10:11.000 And we're playing Panama from Van Halen.

02:10:14.000 Fucking loud.

02:10:16.000 And everybody's fucked up except me.

02:10:17.000 I'm the designated...

02:10:18.000 I'm, you know, Joe Sober fucking...

02:10:20.000 But it was fun.

02:10:22.000 I was like, hey, man, I get Van Halen.

02:10:27.000 You finally got it?

02:10:28.000 I got Van Halen.

02:10:29.000 What was the song that pushed you over the edge?

02:10:31.000 It was Panama, that song.

02:10:32.000 It's a great fucking song.

02:10:33.000 It's just loud, and there's stars, and these guys are screaming.

02:10:36.000 And as I keep speeding, going over gigantic potholes, they're all thinking they're doomed.

02:10:42.000 And I was like, again, it's like, I'm good in chaos.

02:10:44.000 I go, now I get Van Halen.

02:10:46.000 Isn't that a funny thing that you do, though, that people do?

02:10:49.000 We all do it, especially when you're young, where if someone doesn't like what you like, you get fucking angry.

02:10:54.000 So angry.

02:10:54.000 What you like is shit.

02:10:56.000 You hate them for liking it.

02:10:58.000 Here's an exclusive, because I do tell a lot of yarns.

02:11:01.000 They're all true, but I have a lot of stories.

02:11:03.000 Here's a story I've never told anyone.

02:11:06.000 When I was opening for Nirvana...

02:11:09.000 We were here in LA, so I don't know which form.

02:11:14.000 I think it was the form.

02:11:15.000 I don't know.

02:11:16.000 And Eddie Van Halen shows up and he's really fucking hammered.

02:11:20.000 And he wants to jam.

02:11:22.000 And Kurt is totally flipped out like, Eddie Van Halen wants to jam.

02:11:25.000 He's like, hide me.

02:11:26.000 So Eddie wants to go up and shred?

02:11:29.000 Yeah, and he's fucking hammered.

02:11:30.000 I go, dude, give him one of your guitars.

02:11:32.000 Because Kurt played left-handed.

02:11:34.000 And I go, it'll be great.

02:11:36.000 He won't be able to play it.

02:11:38.000 And he's like, he would figure it out.

02:11:40.000 I was like, this would be so funny!

02:11:44.000 But it was really weird.

02:11:46.000 He probably would.

02:11:47.000 We had David Lee Roth come in here.

02:11:49.000 He couldn't be fucking cooler.

02:11:51.000 I met him one night at the Comedy Store.

02:11:53.000 He was the greatest guy.

02:11:54.000 Just hanging out.

02:11:55.000 No pretense.

02:11:56.000 Just him and a buddy.

02:11:58.000 In the 80s, they were going to...

02:11:59.000 Because Purple Rain made money, and they were going to give him money.

02:12:03.000 And it was this insane script.

02:12:06.000 Oh, a movie?

02:12:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:12:07.000 I went in and read for him.

02:12:08.000 Why did they never do that?

02:12:09.000 He's so charismatic.

02:12:10.000 Why did they never give him a movie?

02:12:13.000 He's probably too busy fucking everything.

02:12:15.000 But there could be a movie there.

02:12:16.000 That's the thing.

02:12:17.000 It's like, look at him.

02:12:18.000 You know what he's doing now?

02:12:20.000 What?

02:12:20.000 He lives in Japan.

02:12:22.000 He lives in an apartment with his dog, and he practices sword fighting all day.

02:12:27.000 I'm not kidding.

02:12:28.000 No, I believe it.

02:12:29.000 Moved to Japan by himself.

02:12:30.000 He's a fascinating guy.

02:12:31.000 We had him in here.

02:12:32.000 First of all, the fucking guy wears overalls everywhere he goes.

02:12:35.000 Okay?

02:12:36.000 He's comfortable with his nipples?

02:12:38.000 I don't know.

02:12:38.000 He just likes wearing overalls.

02:12:39.000 He just enjoys them.

02:12:40.000 Don't they bug your nipples?

02:12:42.000 I haven't worn them in a long time.

02:12:43.000 I'd have to cut back to you.

02:12:44.000 Coveralls or overalls?

02:12:45.000 Overalls.

02:12:45.000 You know, when they have the little things like the farmer's wear.

02:12:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:12:47.000 Where they clip up here.

02:12:49.000 Yeah, we have them.

02:12:49.000 See, look.

02:12:50.000 He's wearing overalls.

02:12:51.000 See that?

02:12:51.000 Oh, he's got a shirt on.

02:12:52.000 Yeah.

02:12:53.000 I thought he wasn't wearing a shirt.

02:12:55.000 No, look.

02:12:55.000 Overalls.

02:12:56.000 It's hilarious.

02:12:57.000 And so he does his sword.

02:13:01.000 Practices sword fighting.

02:13:02.000 And not to be so crass, but is he set?

02:13:07.000 Financially?

02:13:07.000 Yeah, I'm sure he's got it set.

02:13:08.000 Do you know how much fucking money David Lee Roth must have?

02:13:12.000 David Lee Roth is, first of all, he's very smart.

02:13:14.000 And I think he's also a savvy guy.

02:13:18.000 I do not see him overindulging to the point of something like that.

02:13:21.000 He likes living small.

02:13:23.000 He shows up here by himself.

02:13:24.000 He's one of the biggest rock stars of all time.

02:13:26.000 Drives himself here.

02:13:28.000 Shows up by himself.

02:13:29.000 Hey guys!

02:13:30.000 No pretense.

02:13:30.000 Comes in.

02:13:31.000 Sit down.

02:13:32.000 How's everybody?

02:13:32.000 But a lot of the folks that have longevity do that.

02:13:39.000 You know what I mean?

02:13:40.000 Like...

02:13:40.000 I haven't seen him in a long time, but there was a period where I spent some time around...

02:13:45.000 I sound like I'm just name-dropping all my stories, but with David Bowie, and he would do that.

02:13:49.000 Now you do.

02:13:50.000 You said Bowie, now you do.

02:13:53.000 Well, when I started talking...

02:13:54.000 I know, I know.

02:13:57.000 No, no, I'm just kidding.

02:13:59.000 It's true.

02:14:00.000 If you know David Bowie, it's a true story.

02:14:02.000 You've always...

02:14:05.000 If you're in show business, these are the folks that you become friends with.

02:14:09.000 Not all of them, but some super stories.

02:14:12.000 You just told me a David Lee Roth story, but you also have a show.

02:14:18.000 Well, he came in to promote his show.

02:14:20.000 He has a podcast.

02:14:21.000 From Japan?

02:14:22.000 Yeah, he does it from Japan.

02:14:23.000 It's fucking great.

02:14:24.000 It's great.

02:14:25.000 It's fun.

02:14:25.000 He gets up, does his podcast.

02:14:27.000 He does a video podcast.

02:14:29.000 I think...

02:14:29.000 And then he...

02:14:30.000 Find out what the address is.

02:14:31.000 I don't know what the address is.

02:14:32.000 And then he sword fights.

02:14:34.000 I think he calls it Dave TV or something like that.

02:14:36.000 Now, I remember he also...

02:14:37.000 I heard this.

02:14:38.000 I don't know if this is true, but I heard that...

02:14:39.000 And you would know this maybe because of martial arts.

02:14:41.000 He would sweep the stage after the show.

02:14:45.000 Really?

02:14:46.000 Really?

02:14:46.000 I heard that.

02:14:47.000 I don't know if it's true.

02:14:48.000 I didn't ask him, but I could see him doing something like that.

02:14:50.000 Just as a discipline!

02:14:52.000 Yeah.

02:14:52.000 I could see him doing something.

02:14:54.000 He's a weird guy.

02:14:54.000 The Roth Show.

02:14:55.000 That's what he calls it.

02:14:56.000 I remember we were, again, with Nirvana, but this is another funny story I thought was...

02:15:03.000 One of the crew guys had worked with the Nuge, had worked with Ted Nuge.

02:15:08.000 And Kurt enjoyed hearing this story because, you know, the Nuge would hit the stage with an air ramp.

02:15:13.000 Like, he'd hit this air ramp, you know, like a stuntman, and he would shoot him over the amp.

02:15:18.000 But I guess, like, yeah, and so he'd come flying and, wow, with the guitar, and just go shooting over and land.

02:15:25.000 Land on what?

02:15:26.000 He would hit the stage.

02:15:27.000 How far would he fall?

02:15:29.000 From the top of a stack of marshals.

02:15:31.000 Holy shit.

02:15:32.000 So it shot him off like a cannon.

02:15:35.000 But apparently, Kurt enjoyed it because I witnessed hearing the story about when he clipped the top of the speakers with his boot heels and just ate shit and landed on his guitar.

02:15:47.000 Kaboing!

02:15:48.000 Well, his knees are all fucked up.

02:15:51.000 He hobbles really bad now.

02:15:53.000 I think he just had some serious knee operations.

02:15:54.000 It could be that air ramp.

02:15:56.000 Jesus, I'd imagine.

02:15:57.000 Aren't you glad we don't have to go out that way?

02:15:59.000 Flying over the fucking top of a truck with probably cowboy boots on or something stupid, right?

02:16:05.000 But, you know, every audience, you know, isn't red hot, you know?

02:16:09.000 I mean, there's got to be times where you go, poof, poof, over the amp, and the crowd's like, huh?

02:16:13.000 Staring at you.

02:16:14.000 Yeah, they're in a beer line.

02:16:16.000 I'm trying to get him to do the podcast.

02:16:18.000 He's going to be at the Canyon Club in July.

02:16:20.000 Why wouldn't he?

02:16:22.000 I don't know.

02:16:22.000 I want to get him.

02:16:23.000 Of course he will.

02:16:23.000 I shot an animal for him.

02:16:25.000 Just to be friends.

02:16:27.000 I went deer hunting just so I could call him my friend.

02:16:30.000 No, that's not why I did it.

02:16:31.000 But I really would like to get him in.

02:16:33.000 He's a fascinating character.

02:16:34.000 Of course he is.

02:16:35.000 And his hunting show, I watch his hunting show.

02:16:38.000 It's called Spirit of the Wild.

02:16:40.000 And is it the hunting?

02:16:43.000 Does he go around the world or is it his backyard?

02:16:46.000 The second part.

02:16:48.000 The latter.

02:16:49.000 When the Kimmel show was in Detroit, I pitched an idea that nobody bit.

02:16:53.000 And the idea was we were going to get the nuge, right?

02:16:56.000 We're going to get Ted on, and then we're going to take Guillermo and Uncle Frank and maybe someone else.

02:17:01.000 Go bowhunting.

02:17:02.000 No, no.

02:17:03.000 I was just going to get them a paint gun and then make them the hardest prey and send them out in the streets and have Ted Nugent hunt Uncle Frank.

02:17:14.000 That's funny.

02:17:15.000 And it was great because it was a snowstorm.

02:17:17.000 It would have been so fun.

02:17:18.000 That would have been really funny.

02:17:20.000 These guys running away from Nuge while he hits them with paintballs.

02:17:24.000 And it was in Detroit in the snow?

02:17:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:17:26.000 That would have been hilarious.

02:17:27.000 I was just in Detroit this weekend doing stand-up, and then I went to Dallas and showed Willow Creek down there at a small festival called the Oak Cliff Festival.

02:17:35.000 It was fun.

02:17:36.000 Nugent has this hunting show, and he sets food out, and then he climbs in a tree with a bow and arrow and just fucks these deer up.

02:17:43.000 Every day, he's fucking up a new deer that's going to eat his food.

02:17:46.000 Now, but see...

02:17:48.000 He eats them, and then he gives the food away.

02:17:50.000 If it's on his land...

02:17:51.000 Does he have to abide by Michigan law?

02:17:54.000 It depends on the animal.

02:17:56.000 He's not in Michigan anymore.

02:17:57.000 He's in Texas.

02:17:58.000 I'm kind of a fanboy.

02:17:59.000 I'm kind of a Ted Nugent fanboy.

02:18:01.000 So in Texas, can he just shoot...

02:18:04.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:18:05.000 If he owns an animal, can he kill it without having to abide by...

02:18:09.000 It depends.

02:18:10.000 Texas is one of the best places for that, for what they call high-fence operations.

02:18:16.000 No.

02:18:32.000 So they come from another country.

02:18:34.000 Yep.

02:18:34.000 They go, this is pretty nice.

02:18:35.000 I'm getting three squares.

02:18:37.000 Holy shit, is that Ted Nugent?

02:18:40.000 Mom!

02:18:41.000 This is a fucking flying stick right through my heart.

02:18:45.000 My older brother, he's no longer with us, but he...

02:18:51.000 He was a poacher.

02:18:52.000 I mean, he just shot things all year long.

02:18:56.000 Well, that's really common in a lot of places.

02:18:58.000 In the Pacific Northwest, they were telling us how to poach.

02:19:01.000 When we were up there hunting for Bigfoot, there was a woman who worked at this store.

02:19:06.000 She was like, well, when we see elk, we just shoot them with a bow and arrow and nobody could hear it.

02:19:11.000 Well, my brother had everything figured out.

02:19:14.000 He had...

02:19:16.000 I brought Tony V out to his house once, and I'd given him some money to insulate his home, and I wanted to buy some new windows, and I wanted to make sure he used the money.

02:19:26.000 So I went to visit my brother, basically, and Tony, we get out of the car, and there's just corn, like psycho corn.

02:19:33.000 It's just growing up everywhere.

02:19:36.000 And Tony's, what's going on with the corn?

02:19:38.000 Because, you know, I mean, there's no rows.

02:19:40.000 And my brother's like, oh, that's for the deer.

02:19:42.000 You know, Bob, it's for the deer.

02:19:44.000 And Tony's like, oh, you help him through the winter?

02:19:47.000 He's like, I want to blast him!

02:19:51.000 I go up to the top floor of the window in the bathroom and it's shattered.

02:19:57.000 It's a fucking sniper's perch.

02:19:59.000 Yeah, I go, what happened to the bathroom window?

02:20:00.000 He goes, oh, recoil.

02:20:01.000 Recoil.

02:20:04.000 My brother...

02:20:05.000 He's shooting out the window.

02:20:06.000 On the toilet.

02:20:07.000 He's shooting deer from the toilet.

02:20:10.000 By the way, there's some guys who are going, wow, that guy had it all.

02:20:13.000 He had it all!

02:20:14.000 All he's missing is a Q-tip in his ear while he's taking his shit and shooting a deer.

02:20:19.000 A lamb.

02:20:19.000 He'd be like, you know, he'd want to go hunting and meet me in the kitchen.

02:20:24.000 Oh, when we were leaving...

02:20:26.000 Tony V goes, hey, what is that over there?

02:20:28.000 What is that, like a woodchuck?

02:20:29.000 And my brother goes, yeah.

02:20:30.000 And then we're not even around the corner and we're, blam!

02:20:33.000 And Tony goes, I just fingered that woodchuck.

02:20:36.000 I go, yeah, you dropped a dime on that woodchuck.

02:20:40.000 Why would you shoot a woodchuck?

02:20:42.000 Because he just shot animals.

02:20:44.000 He just, he went, his friends were telling me, you know, his stories were amazing, you know, stories I hadn't heard.

02:20:52.000 Oh, yeah, your brother, you know, because they...

02:20:54.000 There's a swan pond.

02:20:56.000 I was like, don't tell me he killed swans.

02:20:58.000 He goes, no, no, no.

02:20:59.000 But there was some big, I don't know what was in there, trout or something.

02:21:03.000 So they had taken acid and they were climbed over to the swan pond and were fishing and shooting.

02:21:09.000 He would go dynamite fishing.

02:21:11.000 That's why my life is like, you know, I had back surgery less than a month and a half ago.

02:21:15.000 It was my birthday at the end of May.

02:21:17.000 I get a ladder out, and the old man's like, what are you doing?

02:21:20.000 I go, well, I think it'd be fun to jump into the pool from the ladder.

02:21:24.000 And she's like, that is a horrible idea.

02:21:28.000 Jesus Christ.

02:21:30.000 I just see you slipping, the thing coming down, and the ladder.

02:21:34.000 Well, I'll give you an idea.

02:21:36.000 I was sitting at home, and...

02:21:38.000 And because of the back surgery...

02:21:40.000 What did you get done to your back?

02:21:41.000 I had some disc and bone spurs.

02:21:45.000 I feel great.

02:21:46.000 What did they do?

02:21:47.000 They took a little bit of my disc away and took out the bone spurs.

02:21:50.000 But I had other problems before.

02:21:51.000 I had nerves that were smashed into two vertebraes.

02:21:54.000 Yeah.

02:21:55.000 That were making it so my leg just...

02:21:57.000 I couldn't walk.

02:21:58.000 I have back issues.

02:21:59.000 Oh, really?

02:21:59.000 I have a disc, a bulging disc.

02:22:01.000 Oh, well, I have a dude when you want to cowboy up.

02:22:03.000 So they cut a piece of the disc away?

02:22:05.000 Yeah.

02:22:06.000 And I got to tell you...

02:22:08.000 The surgery heals up and now my leg and I don't have back pain.

02:22:12.000 I lost 20 pounds because I have my life back.

02:22:16.000 That's amazing.

02:22:17.000 So I said that I've been sober since I was 19. But the thing with the back surgery, I had a break.

02:22:28.000 They put me on Dilaudid.

02:22:31.000 Holla!

02:22:32.000 Yes.

02:22:32.000 Have you had a lot of it?

02:22:33.000 No, but it's in cowboy movies.

02:22:35.000 Yeah, it's morphine.

02:22:36.000 So it's the shit that killed Lenny Bruce.

02:22:38.000 Really?

02:22:39.000 Yeah, so it's awesome, by the way.

02:22:43.000 It was the best thing ever.

02:22:45.000 I was trying to explain it, and I was like...

02:22:48.000 I said it's not, because people describe heroin as coming, as like, you know, like that.

02:22:54.000 And it's like, no, Dilaudid is like right after that and before regret, you know what I mean?

02:23:03.000 It's before shame and regret.

02:23:05.000 Right, the bridge.

02:23:06.000 It's that five-second window, and it lasts all day.

02:23:09.000 Where would you put NyQuil, like original NyQuil, the real shit?

02:23:13.000 Compared to Dilaudid?

02:23:14.000 Yeah.

02:23:14.000 Like a two.

02:23:16.000 Whoa.

02:23:16.000 Yeah, I'm telling you, man.

02:23:18.000 And I'm glad I went through this back surgery and when it was over, got off the dope.

02:23:26.000 Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you.

02:23:27.000 Were you nervous about that?

02:23:28.000 I was terrified.

02:23:30.000 Terrified.

02:23:30.000 And I gave it to the O-9.

02:23:33.000 Why did you need it?

02:23:35.000 Because of the pain.

02:23:36.000 I mean, the pain was so bad.

02:23:38.000 Post-surgery pain?

02:23:40.000 Pre and post, but the problem was that I have no sense of reality.

02:23:46.000 I don't know the difference between an ingrown toenail and a ruptured disc.

02:23:51.000 I really don't.

02:23:52.000 It's just pain, you know what I mean?

02:23:54.000 So I was in so much pain.

02:23:59.000 But here's at one point, already I have a problem with good ideas and bad ideas.

02:24:04.000 So my friends are over the house.

02:24:07.000 And I say to my wife, I go, wouldn't it be funny if I shot a hole in the roof with a.22?

02:24:13.000 She goes, it wouldn't be funny at all.

02:24:15.000 I go, yeah, it'd scare the cats.

02:24:19.000 This is why you're on Dilaudid?

02:24:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:24:21.000 With a gun.

02:24:22.000 Yeah, well, at least.

02:24:23.000 Hunter Thompson Jr. over here.

02:24:24.000 At least I ran it by her.

02:24:26.000 Wow, thank God she's there for you.

02:24:28.000 She's like, no, that wouldn't be.

02:24:30.000 She's your filter.

02:24:31.000 Yeah.

02:24:31.000 It's amazing you need someone to tell you that.

02:24:33.000 Well, that was delighted.

02:24:36.000 But I will say, it's always, and I've passed this down to my daughter, it's always the funny story.

02:24:42.000 That outweighs everything else.

02:24:44.000 Like, later on, it's the funny story.

02:24:45.000 Well, that's also what's gotten you, I mean, as a comic, that's sort of what gets you, like, your life, your career.

02:24:51.000 Part of your livelihood is having these stories.

02:24:53.000 It's a valuable asset.

02:24:55.000 Well, like, I love that my daughter has it.

02:24:59.000 Well, that's cool.

02:25:00.000 She loves her daddy.

02:25:01.000 She went to a wedding.

02:25:04.000 She says, I didn't know anybody.

02:25:07.000 I go, well, what did you do?

02:25:09.000 She said, during the first song, I ran out and humped the bride.

02:25:20.000 She really did that?

02:25:21.000 Oh, yeah.

02:25:21.000 Yeah, of course.

02:25:22.000 She always knows.

02:25:23.000 It's the story.

02:25:24.000 She's got the photos looked at.

02:25:26.000 Now, when you took this Dilaudid shit, you were 19, you quit doing everything, and then was it 19 to 50, and then there's nothing in between them?

02:25:34.000 Well, I had a back surgery before, so that was funny because at one point, like I said, I put it in the hands...

02:25:41.000 Of someone else.

02:25:41.000 I give it to my wife.

02:25:43.000 But do you give yourself a green light to do shit like that because you're in pain?

02:25:48.000 I had to talk to other folks and say, look, man, that had to explain, this is what this is for.

02:25:54.000 I've had surgery before, knee surgery, and I just dealt with the pain because I don't like Vicodin.

02:26:01.000 Right.

02:26:01.000 I don't like all that stuff.

02:26:03.000 All that stuff actually has a really weird reaction to me, and I become a big asshole.

02:26:08.000 Oh, that's interesting.

02:26:09.000 I become really nasty.

02:26:10.000 Does it make you cranky?

02:26:11.000 I'm just really an asshole.

02:26:13.000 I mean, I'm not like punching my wife, but I'm just short and I just tell her what to do.

02:26:18.000 So this was what worked.

02:26:23.000 I was on this the first time and she...

02:26:29.000 Did you ever try to do it without it?

02:26:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

02:26:34.000 It's too painful.

02:26:34.000 And they're going, this is crazy, you know?

02:26:36.000 And they actually just slammed morphine into my back, because they're going, this is crazy that you're walking around, you know?

02:26:42.000 And I thought, well, okay, I can handle it.

02:26:45.000 I'm sorry I interrupted you.

02:26:46.000 You know what I did?

02:26:47.000 I just vomited immediately.

02:26:51.000 But I was sitting there one day, and this is the first time, and I'm watching Lifetime, and I'm just sobbing.

02:27:01.000 And my wife comes in and she goes, you don't get any more pain medicine starting now.

02:27:10.000 I married a man.

02:27:12.000 Oh, that's funny.

02:27:13.000 I did not marry a man that cries during Mommy May I Sleep With Danger, starring Tori Spelling, or whatever I was watching on Lifetime.

02:27:21.000 Lifetime movies made you cry.

02:27:23.000 Yeah, she's like...

02:27:24.000 Remind me.

02:27:24.000 She's like, that's it.

02:27:26.000 Remind me not to take that stuff, ever.

02:27:28.000 I don't want to cry, and I want to watch Lifetime movies.

02:27:30.000 I don't want either one of those things.

02:27:32.000 I was doing Q&A's for the movie on Dilaudid.

02:27:36.000 Wow.

02:27:37.000 When I went to the Boston film.

02:27:38.000 Did you tell the people that you were on it?

02:27:39.000 Yeah, I just said, I'm really high.

02:27:41.000 Because what else was I going to do?

02:27:43.000 Now, was it painful just to sit down, just to sit up straight?

02:27:47.000 Yeah.

02:27:47.000 Did you feel it in your back?

02:27:48.000 It got to the point where sitting was a pain and walking was a pain.

02:27:51.000 Lower back?

02:27:52.000 Yeah, and it affected my life to the point where, I don't know if you're this way, but you go...

02:27:58.000 You measure things.

02:27:59.000 If I go to the store, that's going to hurt a lot.

02:28:01.000 It started affecting what you do to the point where I was 50 or in my late 40s and thinking like a senior citizen.

02:28:13.000 And now I'm back.

02:28:14.000 That's amazing.

02:28:15.000 Yeah, back surgery is scary shit.

02:28:19.000 Back surgery is a spooky one for people.

02:28:21.000 Well, I have a great doctor, but it sounds like...

02:28:25.000 Are you worried about the controls surrendering it?

02:28:29.000 Is that it?

02:28:29.000 No, I've had a bunch of surgeries.

02:28:31.000 Oh, really?

02:28:32.000 Yeah, I've had nose surgery, back surgery, I mean, knee surgery twice, three times, three knee surgeries.

02:28:37.000 What happened to your knee?

02:28:37.000 I tore my ACL in both knees, I had them reconstructed, and I tore my meniscus.

02:28:42.000 The first one was kickboxing, the second one was jujitsu.

02:28:46.000 And what happens?

02:28:48.000 Take me through that, like when it happens, you're like...

02:28:51.000 Well, the first one...

02:28:52.000 Do you think you broke your leg?

02:28:54.000 I knew something was really bad.

02:28:55.000 I knew something was really wrong.

02:28:57.000 Like it popped, it was a terrible tear, terrible pain.

02:29:01.000 The first one hurt a lot more.

02:29:03.000 The second one didn't even hurt.

02:29:05.000 It was really weird.

02:29:06.000 I was in what's called a half guard.

02:29:09.000 Someone's legs are wrapped around your legs and he extended his legs and my leg went sideways and just went snap like a carrot.

02:29:17.000 It was really weird.

02:29:17.000 It was like this pop noise.

02:29:19.000 I didn't even know the ACL was gone until I was walking.

02:29:24.000 I think it was in my office.

02:29:25.000 I was moving something and my leg just gave out on me.

02:29:27.000 That's really weird.

02:29:28.000 I already had my left done, so I knew that my right was probably fucked.

02:29:33.000 The first one, was that during a match?

02:29:36.000 No, it was training.

02:29:36.000 Both of them were during training.

02:29:38.000 How does the other guy feel?

02:29:41.000 It wasn't his fault.

02:29:42.000 Does he feel weird?

02:29:44.000 Oh yeah, he felt bad.

02:29:46.000 He felt terrible.

02:29:46.000 The guy, Will, the guy it happened to the second time, was a friend of mine.

02:29:50.000 He's a really nice guy.

02:29:51.000 And he feels terrible.

02:29:52.000 Yeah, when you train, I've had a guy's leg explode on me a couple of times.

02:29:57.000 Yeah.

02:29:58.000 Two different times that I can remember.

02:30:00.000 One time the guy blamed me, but that was ridiculous.

02:30:02.000 It was just, it's just in the middle of scrambling.

02:30:05.000 Like sometimes your knee just gives out.

02:30:07.000 And then the other, one time a guy didn't tap in time, and his knee just exploded.

02:30:13.000 It just went pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

02:30:15.000 But it was a weird situation.

02:30:17.000 It was like he didn't really have to tap.

02:30:20.000 Sometimes you can get out of things and you're real close and then in the middle of trying to get out of it, he was pretty close to getting out of it, his knee just gave out.

02:30:29.000 Got you.

02:30:29.000 It was a weird sort of a thing and it made this horrible loud sound.

02:30:33.000 Now that sounds to me, you're thinking that I'm crazy because I'm like, hey, I'm going to jump off the ladder.

02:30:38.000 I was going to get someone to steady it.

02:30:40.000 Well, it can be dangerous.

02:30:42.000 Like I said, I've had my nose opened up and fixed.

02:30:46.000 It's a little insane, but it's also very intoxicating.

02:30:48.000 It's fun.

02:30:49.000 It's a very exciting game.

02:30:51.000 Now you don't do it.

02:30:53.000 Sure I do.

02:30:54.000 Yeah.

02:30:55.000 Well, the only thing that's stopping right now is I have this little disc issue.

02:30:57.000 Yeah.

02:30:58.000 But the disc is getting a lot better.

02:30:59.000 It's pretty close.

02:31:00.000 You've got to get it taken care of.

02:31:01.000 No, it's not like...

02:31:03.000 It was only a few millimeters, the bulge.

02:31:04.000 Oh, okay.

02:31:05.000 So it was something with spinal decompression and a bunch of different things.

02:31:08.000 I actually saw mine on the MRI, and it was like a comedic...

02:31:13.000 It looked like a bicycle tire.

02:31:15.000 It went like, bloop!

02:31:15.000 Oh, wow.

02:31:16.000 It was that big.

02:31:16.000 Do you remember how many millimeters it poked out?

02:31:18.000 No.

02:31:18.000 I mean, they put on the MRI, and the two doctors go...

02:31:26.000 Mine is actually asymptomatic right now.

02:31:28.000 It's just stiff.

02:31:29.000 But these things are the things.

02:31:31.000 This is the problem.

02:31:33.000 The problem?

02:31:33.000 The problem is by the time you figure out how to do it, what makes you happy, the wheels start falling off.

02:31:40.000 You were just telling me you might need to get glasses.

02:31:43.000 Yeah, no, I definitely should get reading glasses.

02:31:45.000 Well, I have actually reading glasses.

02:31:47.000 Like, when I look at things, like anything that close is kind of blurry.

02:31:52.000 Like, right there.

02:31:52.000 That's blurry.

02:31:53.000 But, like, my computer's fine.

02:31:55.000 Like, I can read everything on the computer.

02:31:56.000 I don't need it.

02:31:57.000 It's things that are close.

02:31:59.000 It's like my phone sometimes.

02:32:00.000 Like, sometimes when I wake up, I can't read a number.

02:32:02.000 I'm like, how the fuck?

02:32:04.000 Like, if I have to actually dial it on my home phone, I'm just looking like, what the fuck is that?

02:32:07.000 It's weird.

02:32:08.000 Then I have to go like that, and then I see it.

02:32:11.000 It's the cruel joke of time.

02:32:13.000 Yeah, time of the motherfucker.

02:32:15.000 You know, I hate to be so cliche, but as you get older, you're like, you know, that's, like I said, that's who I compete with now.

02:32:23.000 Yeah, well, that's one of the reasons why I think...

02:32:25.000 I'm not like going...

02:32:27.000 Wait a second.

02:32:28.000 Did the Grim Reaper get a Comedy Central special?

02:32:31.000 Motherfucker!

02:32:32.000 What do I gotta do?

02:32:35.000 Competing.

02:32:36.000 Yeah.

02:32:37.000 You do wind up thinking you gotta get out more shit before you go.

02:32:41.000 I don't wanna be left behind.

02:32:43.000 Conflict is what builds everything.

02:32:44.000 It's what creates everything.

02:32:45.000 It's why anything's interesting.

02:32:47.000 Yeah, conflict or just pure enjoyment of whatever you do and that too.

02:32:51.000 That's true.

02:32:51.000 Conflict kind of...

02:32:52.000 There's a bunch of things that can move it along, right?

02:32:55.000 Well, the cool thing is if you stop making the conflict being other people and you use your own demons as the conflict.

02:33:03.000 So then you don't have to create, you know.

02:33:07.000 Yeah, I do.

02:33:08.000 I can sit there and write a screenplay and not go down...

02:33:12.000 and not go to a terrible place.

02:33:14.000 Like, I go, nah...

02:33:15.000 Yeah, go back and forth with myself.

02:33:19.000 When you create something like this movie or anything where you write it, do you sometimes get out of it and go, who the fuck wrote that?

02:33:26.000 It's almost like it comes from somewhere else.

02:33:28.000 Yeah, I think that it's almost like...

02:33:33.000 This sounds really trippy.

02:33:35.000 But I think a lot of this stuff...

02:33:38.000 Well, here, you're on stage, and you say something that you never said before, and it's not even derivative.

02:33:43.000 It's not something, you know what I mean, your buddies and you, or you guys discuss.

02:33:46.000 It's a brand new thought.

02:33:48.000 You kind of feel like it's just there already.

02:33:51.000 It's like this stream and then you reach up and you grab it.

02:33:55.000 And the big part of it is trying to...

02:33:57.000 I can't believe I'm not on Dilaudid right now.

02:33:59.000 But the big part of it is getting yourself out of the way so you can just grab that stuff.

02:34:03.000 That's a great way to describe it.

02:34:04.000 Because I'm terrible.

02:34:06.000 I'm a failure.

02:34:07.000 I'm a hack.

02:34:08.000 This has all been done before.

02:34:09.000 Nobody likes me.

02:34:12.000 It's so exhausting.

02:34:14.000 And that stuff is just having a big ego in reverse.

02:34:17.000 It's still a big ego.

02:34:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:34:19.000 You're thinking about yourself instead of thinking about what you're doing or going zen and focusing on...

02:34:23.000 Just make stuff.

02:34:24.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:34:24.000 Just make stuff.

02:34:25.000 That should be a shirt.

02:34:26.000 You know, make stuff or...

02:34:27.000 Just make stuff.

02:34:28.000 Or, you know, the other cliche, which is true.

02:34:30.000 You know, you're feeling bad, you know.

02:34:33.000 You know how you do something good.

02:34:37.000 Yeah, did you ever read any of Pressfield's stuff, like The War of Art?

02:34:41.000 No.

02:34:41.000 He talks about the muse, you know, and he talks about it and treats it like it's a real thing.

02:34:46.000 And it's kind of an interesting idea because, you know, people think of the muse, you know, the idea is that there's something that gives you these ideas, or something that you pay tribute to, and then it gives you ideas.

02:35:01.000 And he actually sort of actively courts it, like he actively...

02:35:06.000 Like, says, like, you know, I'm gonna respect the muse, I'm gonna show up at work every day, you know, and I'm gonna put in the hours, and when I put in the hours, the muse will come.

02:35:15.000 Yeah.

02:35:18.000 His philosophy on it is very enlightening, and it's inspiring because it makes you want to write.

02:35:26.000 It makes you want to create.

02:35:27.000 That attitude is a very beneficial attitude to have.

02:35:30.000 It's sort of spiritual and mumbo-jumbo and kind of crazy, but it's not.

02:35:33.000 I say the nicest compliment I've ever received is this friend of mine, Tom Link.

02:35:41.000 He saw a movie of mine, and he said, I want to go write.

02:35:46.000 Yeah, that's great.

02:35:48.000 And I was like, oh, that's nice.

02:35:49.000 I always feel that way when I go to a good comedy.

02:35:50.000 And the cynical me is like, what, he thought he could do better?

02:35:52.000 No.

02:35:54.000 Dirty prick.

02:35:56.000 No, that was the nicest thing anyone's ever said, I think, after a movie.

02:36:01.000 Yeah, that is one of the coolest things about other artists that they inspire you to create more of it.

02:36:07.000 I truly don't know when I'm making these movies what they're about.

02:36:11.000 Later on, I'll say, oh, that's this character.

02:36:14.000 That's this person in my life.

02:36:16.000 And I have no idea until after they're done and I'm watching them.

02:36:19.000 My wife was like, you didn't get that this is just prettier people playing you and me in this movie?

02:36:25.000 I was like, I'm a fucking idiot.

02:36:27.000 Yeah, it is.

02:36:30.000 Well, listen, man.

02:36:31.000 Your movie's fucking badass.

02:36:32.000 I really wish you all the best in the world.

02:36:34.000 I will cherish these Bigfoot socks for the rest of my life.

02:36:38.000 And the posters are really rad.

02:36:40.000 My friend Alex Hardy made them.

02:36:43.000 We'll get one framed and we'll put it up on the Hall of Fame here.

02:36:47.000 Please do.

02:36:47.000 It's called Willow Creek.

02:36:48.000 Willow Creek.

02:36:49.000 If anybody wants to see it, what will be the availability?

02:36:52.000 It's still in some festivals, and as soon as I get a distribution of some level, I'd love to come back.

02:36:57.000 Probably I'd like to come back before then.

02:36:59.000 Fuck yeah.

02:36:59.000 Dude, anytime.

02:37:00.000 And please, if there's anybody out there that has anything to do with the movie business, just check this out.

02:37:06.000 It's fucking great.

02:37:07.000 You're going to enjoy the shit out of it.

02:37:09.000 We need fun movies.

02:37:11.000 It's a fun movie.

02:37:12.000 It's exciting.

02:37:13.000 Thanks.

02:37:13.000 I'm not going to say any more about it.

02:37:15.000 And you don't either, man.

02:37:16.000 Yeah, I know.

02:37:18.000 It's one of those movies where you can't say, oh, I love that scene.

02:37:21.000 You can't even say it.

02:37:22.000 Enjoy the shit out of it, ladies and gentlemen.

02:37:24.000 It's called Willow Creek, and we'll keep you updated as far as whatever Bob gets, whatever distribution.

02:37:30.000 We'll tweet it.

02:37:31.000 We'll put it out there for you.

02:37:32.000 I know people are going to want to check this out.

02:37:34.000 And if people want to get in touch with you or see any of your shows, do you have a website?

02:37:37.000 No, Grandpa's on Instagram.

02:37:38.000 That's about it.

02:37:40.000 What's the Instagram?

02:37:41.000 It's just Bobcat Goldthwait, all one word.

02:37:43.000 It's hard to spell, but, you know.

02:37:45.000 You can figure it out, folks.

02:37:46.000 So I'm on Instagram, and I'm pretty close to pulling the trigger on Twitter, maybe.

02:37:51.000 Ah.

02:37:52.000 Do it, please.

02:37:53.000 Come on, man.

02:37:53.000 Do it.

02:37:54.000 We'll pump you up.

02:37:55.000 We'll have a contest to see how many Twitter followers we can get you in a day.

02:37:58.000 You have like a million?

02:37:59.000 Yeah.

02:38:00.000 I think it's a little more than that.

02:38:02.000 You're like, hey man, who's in the numbers?

02:38:04.000 It's over a million, okay?

02:38:06.000 I don't know what it is now.

02:38:09.000 I don't know what it is.

02:38:10.000 I don't know.

02:38:10.000 All I know is I'm pretty close to 9,000 Instagram.

02:38:13.000 Whatever.

02:38:14.000 9,000.

02:38:15.000 9,000 people looking at pictures of my cats.

02:38:17.000 Yeah, there's a lot of pictures of my cat, Squeaky Fromm, in my underpants.

02:38:21.000 We'll talk about that the next time.

02:38:22.000 Your cat is named Squeaky Fromm?

02:38:23.000 Yeah.

02:38:24.000 I had a dog named Squeaky Fromm.

02:38:25.000 Did you really?

02:38:26.000 Yes.

02:38:27.000 Girl?

02:38:28.000 Yeah.

02:38:28.000 Did you?

02:38:29.000 Redhead?

02:38:30.000 No.

02:38:30.000 Oh.

02:38:30.000 Female pit bull.

02:38:31.000 Well, because she was red and I found her wandering the streets of Hollywood just like Manson.

02:38:35.000 Well, my dog killed two dogs.

02:38:37.000 That's a pretty badass dog.

02:38:38.000 She's kind of a crazy dog.

02:38:39.000 She's killed a boy dog.

02:38:41.000 She's not really...

02:38:41.000 She's not around anymore.

02:38:43.000 Yeah, she's not really Squeaky Frown then.

02:38:44.000 We had to take her out of the loop.

02:38:47.000 She was awesome though.

02:38:48.000 She loved me.

02:38:49.000 Anyway...

02:38:50.000 Squeaky Frown's my best friend.

02:38:51.000 I used to love Squeaky Frown, my dog too, so it's all good.

02:38:54.000 She's had a troubled childhood.

02:38:56.000 I got her a little too late.

02:38:59.000 I got her when she was already a year old and already crazy.

02:39:01.000 That cat I actually found.

02:39:02.000 Well, we'll wrap it up.

02:39:03.000 We'll talk about my cats the next time.

02:39:04.000 I got a lot.

02:39:05.000 I could go on for hours.

02:39:06.000 Bobcat Goldwaite, ladies and gentlemen.

02:39:08.000 I know he has to pee, so we're going to wrap this motherfucker up nice and tidy.

02:39:12.000 He's going to pee.

02:39:13.000 You can see me on Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen.

02:39:17.000 Don't do it.

02:39:18.000 No.

02:39:19.000 Thanks to Stamps.com.

02:39:20.000 Use the code word J-R-E and save yourself some money.

02:39:25.000 Thanks to Ting.

02:39:26.000 Go to rogan.ting.com to save yourself some cash as well.

02:39:30.000 Something's wrong with my Microsoft Word.

02:39:32.000 What the fuck is happening here?

02:39:34.000 And thanks to...

02:39:35.000 Who else was on this one?

02:39:38.000 Stamps.com.

02:39:39.000 Oh, LegalZoom.

02:39:40.000 Yeah, LegalZoom, bitches.

02:39:42.000 That's the newest one.

02:39:44.000 LegalZoom is our newest sponsor.

02:39:46.000 And if you go to LegalZoom.com and use the code word J-R-E, you'll save yourself some money.

02:39:55.000 No, it's Rogan.

02:39:56.000 That's it.

02:39:57.000 Yeah.

02:39:57.000 LegalZoom.

02:39:58.000 To get a special discount from listening to the podcast, enter the code name Rogan in the referral box for checkout.

02:40:03.000 For more savings.

02:40:04.000 Thanks to Onnit.com as well.

02:40:06.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T and use the code name Rogue.

02:40:09.000 And we'll be back tomorrow with my pal Aubrey Marcus.

02:40:13.000 And that'll be it for the week.

02:40:15.000 Because I gotta go out squatching.

02:40:17.000 I'm not done.

02:40:18.000 I'm still.

02:40:19.000 I'm looking for.

02:40:20.000 I got a lot of crazy shit going on this week.

02:40:22.000 I know I'm going in the fall.

02:40:24.000 Are you really?

02:40:24.000 Yeah.

02:40:25.000 How dare you?

02:40:26.000 Bobcat Goldthwait.

02:40:27.000 Thank you.

02:40:28.000 We'll see you guys.

02:40:28.000 We love you.

02:40:29.000 Big kiss.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 11, 2013

Joe Rogan Experience #366 - Bobcat Goldthwait

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