On this week's episode of Thick & Thin, the boys talk about what it's like to work at a law firm, how to get a lawyer, and why you should never be alone in the office. Plus, the guys talk about a new invention that could change the way you get your mail. Plus, we talk about how to make money on the internet, and what to do if you don't have a driver's license. And, of course, we answer your burning questions! Enjoy the episode and don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to stay up to date on all things podcasting and podcasting related! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The opinions stated here are our own, not those of our companies, unless otherwise stated. We do not own the rights to either of these songs or any of the music used in this episode. This episode was produced and edited by Brian Redford. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and/or wherever else you re listening, and we'll make sure to include it in future episodes. Thank you for listening and rating/reviews in the next episode! We really appreciate it. - Thank you so much for listening! - Brian and the support we get from you. XOXO. Brian & the boys. Timestamps: Sticks: $5, $1,000, $2, $3, $4, $6, $7, $10, $8, $9, and $15, $5.00, and so much more! Thanks for listening to this episode, and thanks for supporting this episode? and I hope you enjoy it! xoxo, Brett and the boys love you! XO, Caitlyn and the guys! Love ya. . -Brett & Duncan (and the boys, too much love you, too! -- -- Thank you, Brett & the rest? -JRE. -- JRE, ROGANXO, JRE & JRE! , JRE & the guys , JRE and the rest of the boys . . , and the crew at JRE (and all of the rest.
00:01:01.000Talk to some dude or woman, give them a ton of money, and it's very frustrating that you can't handle that stuff on your own.
00:01:09.000LegalZoom, though, allows you to handle most of those types of transactions, like wills, like becoming an LLC. All those things you can do online, naked, okay?
00:01:35.000If you go to their silly little legal box, the legal box, we have to say hi to the lady that sits at the desk and wants to fucking jump off a bridge.
00:01:44.000You have to say hi to that chick bored out of her skull.
00:01:46.000And then you have to give up credit card information, your address, and your this and your that.
00:01:50.000And then you wait for the guy to let you in.
00:02:57.000But if you get confused, they will hook you up with an attorney.
00:03:00.000Use a codename ROGAN. Save yourself some money.
00:03:02.000We're also brought to you by Stamps.com.
00:03:05.000If you've ever bought any of those Desquad kitty cat shirts that Brian Redband sells, and there's a new one on the way out, it's available right now for pre-sale.
00:03:13.000If you go to Desquad.tv, it's my favorite yet.
00:03:42.000I mean, it's not dangerous DNA, but, you know, you could convict him of something if you wanted to, like, take that box, and he licked things on there, and you could say, this motherfucker licked my ass, and just stick it on your ass, then go directly to a doctor, and then they swab your ass with a cue.
00:03:58.000Stamps.com is a simple way of sending things through the mail with just using your own personal computer and a printer.
00:04:04.000Instead of going to the post office with a box of shit that you're trying to sell and having it all weighed out, you can do it all at home.
00:04:10.000You also have a wonderful opportunity to save some money.
00:04:15.000If you click on the old-school microphone in the upper right-hand corner and use the code JRE, you get a $115 value.
00:04:25.000Which includes a free digital scale and $55 of postage credit.
00:05:25.000Read up on it, but one thing that I can tell you with...
00:05:28.000We've already done the first in a series of double-blind placebo tests and had excellent results with AlphaBrain.
00:05:35.000So that was a big relief because you take something and even though you read a bunch of shit that says it does really good and even though you read all these positive results and even though you read even peer-reviewed evidence about the actual ingredients that are in AlphaBrain, Until you get your own double-blind placebo study,
00:05:52.000Unfortunately, we did it with 20 people, and four dropped out.
00:05:56.000It's not enough to have a full-blown study, so we're going to do another one.
00:06:00.000But the point is, the results were positive, and it was done the correct way, double-blind placebo style.
00:06:07.000And it showed improvements in memory, improvements in cognitive function.
00:06:11.000We'll explain it all once the piece is published.
00:06:13.000But it's a huge weight off my back and a lot of other people's back.
00:06:16.000Because, rightly so, whenever someone comes out with something that says it's a brain-enhancing supplement, people start thinking about all those big dick pills that you see in those porn ads that don't really work.
00:06:27.000You start thinking about a lot of other snake oil-type situations.
00:06:30.000I personally have been using nootropics, though, for a long time.
00:08:23.000It was about Bobby Collins, the comedian, was doing a talk show out of his apartment, and in the opening montage of his talk show is Sam Kinison's comb-over, and it's flying around the air getting pelted by meteors while it's flying around.
00:08:40.000His comb-over is flying around in the sky, and the meteors are hitting his comb-over.
00:08:45.000It was the most nonsensical, ridiculous, you can't make this up dream.
00:08:49.000And I woke up in the middle of it because my alarm went off and it was one of those where it's like you're right in the middle of REM sleep and your alarm wakes up and you're like, what the fuck?
00:12:26.000It's helped me understand the part of myself that is delusional or the part of myself that is either too eager to disbelieve something or too eager to believe something.
00:13:00.000That's one of the reasons why I do so many different things at the same time.
00:13:03.000I don't like to be comfortable that much.
00:13:05.000I mean, I like to be comfortable in friendships, and I like to be comfortable in relationships, but as far as work stuff and life stuff and my pursuits, whether it's competition or exercise, I don't like to be comfortable.
00:13:30.000So when it comes with an idea, like an idea of what is or isn't, what is or isn't possible, that middle spot of the pendulum where it's all weird, that's my favorite spot.
00:13:39.000Because I like when you're in a situation and people go, Bigfoot!
00:13:45.000And then you bring a guy like Jeff Meldrum, that guy that we talked to, that anthropologist, who has got a PhD, an expert in human movement, and he starts explaining things like the metatarsal break that you find in these footprints that indicates it's built like a gorilla's foot,
00:14:01.000not like a human foot, because human beings don't have...
00:14:03.000And then you see this break and he demonstrates it, and then you start going, huh...
00:14:07.000You're talking to a fucking smart dude that believes his shit.
00:15:29.000A universal power that's controlling the world and moving it into a certain direction.
00:15:34.000The idea that this is all some sort of a mathematical program and that good and evil and sex and love and all this different shit, good and bad, all sort of make sure that this thing keeps moving.
00:15:55.000The real mystery is, does every decision that you make literally branch off and start a whole new reality and a whole new universe that you live in?
00:16:03.000Because sometimes it feels like that, and I'm not sure, and I don't think you're sure either.
00:16:07.000When someone tells me they're sure, or they're sure it's not, or they're sure it is, either one of those, it's unacceptable.
00:16:15.000There's things that you can't be sure in.
00:16:17.000Those things are really weird, and it's hard to get comfortable in those things.
00:16:20.000It's hard to get comfortable holding on to those ideas and pondering them because a lot of them, the implications, they transfer through your entire life.
00:16:31.000The implications are, well, if you really are building up a career but you're just a part of the ether and you're part of some sort of a gigantic superorganism, why are you concentrating so much on yourself?
00:16:42.000Why are you twisting your mustache at the end with wax?
00:17:01.000It seems like there's two parts to a person, which is the part that is the personality, the conditioning, everything you've learned, all the tricks that you've learned from other people, a lot of imitation, you know, a lot of observing things and imitating them and forgetting that you imitated them.
00:17:19.000There's probably personality components in us that we picked up in the fourth grade from some kid we thought was cool and just forgot about it and it stuck inside of us.
00:17:29.000And so then, there's this idea that we're kind of like, the human body itself is a hive.
00:17:35.000And it is a hive within which dwell all these different bees.
00:17:40.000And the bees are all the different aspects of our personality.
00:17:44.000We're a harmony of personalities that are always sort of rotating through.
00:17:50.000Because if you think of the you and you're really pissed off, Whenever you're yelling at someone or in a state where you find yourself in a confrontational place, and then you think of the you when you're chilling at home with your family, that's like two different people, you know?
00:18:05.000That's the idea, is that there's all these different parts of us that are rolling through all the time, always rolling through, and that we are constantly working to uphold the continuity of being by acting in certain ways all the time.
00:18:20.000And quite often you'll hear, like if you're in a relationship or something, someone will say like, Yes.
00:18:52.000And you see when people say that they're channeling or when people are, quote, demon-possessed.
00:18:58.000Really what's happening is one of these personalities that has gotten shoved way deep down in the dark part of the hive has managed to claw its way out.
00:19:06.000And it's so different than all the other ones that people are like, this guy has got a demon in him.
00:19:12.000When really the truth is we're just this cluster of selves that are all sort of like...
00:19:17.000I heard there's this mystic named Gurdjieff who described it as like a mansion where all the servants are running amok.
00:19:25.000So it's a mansion where all the servants who are supposed to have certain jobs in certain areas where they work in the mansion have just lost...
00:19:33.000have forgotten what they're supposed to be doing.
00:19:36.000And so the modern person is wandering around with this kind of constant...
00:19:41.000Chaotic stream of personalities that aren't disciplined in any way.
00:19:45.000And so the beginning of spiritual life or the beginning of discipline, martial arts, whatever the thing is, is where the master of the house returns.
00:19:53.000And that's considered the personality that develops once you control all those different facets of the self.
00:19:59.000And that's what you become, is the master of the house who's gone away.
00:20:03.000And while he was away, all of the servants went nuts.
00:20:06.000And that's what happens when you get drunk.
00:20:07.000Like, eh, the master's not here anymore.
00:21:11.000But if you like, you know, if you yelled at someone because you didn't want to get up and take out the trash, like, let's, you know, let that go.
00:22:28.000That everyone worships currently in all the different religions, the Christian God, the Muslim God, any God that's being worshiped is actually an evil force known as the Demiurge.
00:22:43.000It's something that is Where does this concept come from?
00:23:43.000There's never been a period of time, as far as we can tell, as far as written history, there's never been a period of time where nobody controlled anybody, nobody hit anybody, nobody murdered anybody, nobody stole anything, nobody raped anybody, nobody beat their kids.
00:23:55.000There's never been one time where like, nothing happened bad for like a year.
00:23:58.000Everybody was just hugs and love and kisses.
00:24:01.000But yet, we hold on to this idea that, well, people are mostly good.
00:24:08.000People, in their hearts, all people are basically good.
00:24:11.000But if you look at the totality of the behavior of human beings, and you factor in the time of utmost peace, the time of ultimate peace, It's a zero.
00:24:23.000There's zero percent ultimate peace in the totality of the human race.
00:25:13.000There is, in this book it talks about, I can't remember the town, but there is an area that is run completely by a guy named Uncle Rulon, or was run by this guy named Uncle Rulon, who is a Mormon fundamentalist.
00:25:54.000This is why you need a bunch of wives.
00:25:56.000If you are a fundamentalist Mormon, you are only supposed to have sex with your wife when she's ovulating, which means if you only have one wife, you're only going to have sex a few times a month.
00:26:15.000So it's very important to have as many wives as possible because then you could have sex with them all the time and they're always humping.
00:26:21.000And a lot of these guys have so many children.
00:26:34.000So if you were born in like 1979, your name would have an A. So it would be like Annabelle, Angus, Ari, and then you would know what year your kid was born in by the first letter of his name.
00:27:43.000He was what was called a treasure seeker, and so you would use magic stones to peer through that would show you where secret treasure was buried, and there was a huge lawsuit against him because he convinced all these people that he could find buried treasures.
00:28:00.000Well, that was also what he said about the golden tablets.
00:28:04.000He said he could use a seer stone and see it through a magic rock.
00:28:07.000That's how he could read the golden tablets.
00:28:09.000Before he was doing the seer stone and the angel Moroni, before he was using the seer stone and the angel Moroni came to him, he was actually getting work convincing people like, hey, look, I've got a magic rock and I can find your silver for you.
00:28:25.000Because there was like a guy who hired him because he knew that there was a...
00:28:45.000Meanwhile, he's out there looking every day.
00:28:47.000Wouldn't you have loved to have seen a video of him talking, of Joseph Smith talking and explaining his strategies and what he does and what Mormonism is all about?
00:29:20.000That's something like when I was in the third grade that I would lie about to a kid in the playground or something.
00:29:27.000But this guy was making money off of it.
00:29:31.000It's just very interesting to see something grow roots and flourish in the way that Mormonism has when just with a very simple investigation into the...
00:30:13.000But meanwhile, when we were in Utah, we were in Utah the other day, and Duncan and I show up, and when we arrive, there was these hordes of people that were waiting for these elders.
00:30:24.000And the elders are the young kids that go away on a mission.
00:30:27.000All Mormons, when they're young, they're supposed to go on these recruiting missions as elders.
00:30:33.000Where they go, they wear a suit and tie, and they go to third world countries, or wherever they go.
00:30:37.000Some of them go to their world countries, and they recruit people.
00:30:41.000And so these guys were returning from their missions, and they were all dolled up in their finest suits and with their ties on.
00:30:48.000And when they showed up, people would just scream and cheer.
00:30:52.000For Duncan and I, it was so strange, because we're like these weird heretics that are walking through them.
00:31:01.000They're not even allowed to drink coffee.
00:31:03.000And so, by the way, they're also one of the highest per capita users of antidepressants because of the fact they're not allowed to drink, they're not allowed to take coffee.
00:31:13.000They are allowed to take prescription medications.
00:32:20.000So when you tell people, like, wait, no, really, the entire planet or North America wakes up, slurps back a drug every morning just to get ready to go to their jobs.
00:32:29.000And then they take, what are they called?
00:32:56.000You just like go to instantaneous, like an instant relaxed.
00:33:02.000I'll try to think of a description of it.
00:33:05.000Okay, think about a night when you've had a really good show, and you wake up the next morning, and you're laying in bed, you've had a good sleep, you're not hungover, and that dawning realization, like, man, that was a good show last night, but you're still relaxed and laying in bed,
00:35:05.000The ruthlessness of the day-to-day grind can also give you anxiety.
00:35:10.000The idea that even though it's Friday and you're off of work, oh my god, I'm going to have to go back there on Monday and I'm going to work eight to nine hours, whatever I have to do, including over time, and then I'm going to do it again on Tuesday, and then on Wednesday, and then on Thursday, and then on Friday again, and then I'm going to get a little break again.
00:35:24.000And during that break, I've got a lot of shit to do, so it's not really a break.
00:35:27.000And just that alone, as it accumulates over time, then you start to...
00:37:16.000But we can see off to the side a little bit and that's a super important evolutionary trait.
00:37:22.000Well, we also have the exact same thing, but it's a temporal peripheral vision where we can think about the past and we can think about the future.
00:37:31.000And anxiety is always related to things that we're looking at in the temporal periphery.
00:37:37.000Nine times out of ten, if you come into the present moment...
00:38:22.000So that's the real conundrum and I think that's the thing that is so perplexing about it being a human being is you know that you're carrying around with you the ultimate treasure, which is the present moment, but you can't stay in it.
00:38:40.000You don't have the discipline to stay there.
00:38:42.000You're always wandering off into the future, always wandering off into what you have to do, what's coming tomorrow, what's coming in the next few minutes.
00:40:35.000And the only way you really learn is to feel like shit.
00:40:38.000And it's best if you feel like shit for a while.
00:40:41.000Because then it really sinks in that you can't show up an hour late every day.
00:40:45.000You can't smell like whiskey after your lunch break.
00:40:48.000You can't yell at your boss because you gotta have a hangover and you're crabby that day.
00:40:52.000You can't do those things because you can get fired.
00:40:54.000And when you get fired, it fucking sucks.
00:40:57.000But every time I've ever gotten fired in my whole life where I fucked up and I got fired, I made like an evolutionary jump as a person after that.
00:41:25.000It's something that you don't want to accept.
00:41:28.000You want the universe to be something that's more gentle or something that's more compassionate.
00:41:36.000But it really does seem like a huge portion of what makes people great is their ability to overcome internal difficulties or external difficulties and failure.
00:41:50.000That when you're failing, it won't give you any, it won't help you.
00:41:54.000When you're failing, thinking like, oh, this is, I guess this is helping.
00:41:58.000I guess it does relieve some of the pain of the thing when you realize that you're in a kiln and the failure is the heat that's sort of transforming you into something.
00:42:06.000Yeah, I think that the feelings are there.
00:42:11.000They serve like an evolutionary purpose or a purpose that's in line with progress.
00:42:18.000A purpose that's in line with moving forward and taking things to a next level.
00:42:24.000Which is where we always feel at our best.
00:42:27.000I always find that one of the reasons why I try to do a lot of things at once is because I like figuring things out and I like when things get better.
00:42:35.000I like when a joke that I'm working on becomes better.
00:42:38.000I like when it grows and becomes real.
00:42:40.000I like when you write something down and then you add to it and then it becomes better.
00:42:44.000I like getting better at a skill like a martial art or a game.
00:42:51.000And if you're not getting better at things, if you don't have some sort of improvement and movement, if that's not the general trend that you find your life in, I find that I don't feel happy.
00:43:02.000I find that that greatly affects my happiness.
00:43:05.000And I also find that's one of the most difficult things to achieve if and when you have a job that you don't enjoy.
00:43:12.000Because the majority of your time and focus during the day, they take all your best hours, man.
00:43:17.000You think about what a job is, a nine-to-five job.
00:43:19.000They take the hours that you are the most awake, the most tuned in, the most aware, the most focused on the world.
00:43:26.000So if you want to figure out how to get out of your job, you've got to take your weakest time.
00:43:32.000They give you your time where you're the most tired and most likely to sit in front of the TV and the most likely to just have a beer, the most likely to take a nap.
00:43:44.000Well, this is why I like chanting and I think chanting is a fantastic tool that you can use in those times because chanting is something that you can do...
00:43:57.000You don't say it out loud, but in your mind you can start doing a mantra.
00:44:02.000You definitely don't have to say mantras out loud.
00:44:04.000You can just say it in your mind so that in the midst of when stress comes, you can actually start training yourself to start doing a mantra inside of your mind.
00:44:14.000But you can't do that if you're working.
00:44:49.000Watch, become mindful, and you will see that some percentage of you is focused on the task at hand.
00:44:56.000But then another part of you is always thinking, always thinking, always processing, always a whole other conversations always going on in people's minds.
00:45:06.000And some people have more focus than others, but in general, there's always that part of the mind that's like an electric wire in a puddle that's just sort of skipping around and spraying out random thoughts.
00:45:19.000Well, that's the part of your mind that chants.
00:45:21.000That's the part of your mind that you begin to train to start doing a mantra, which is like a simple mantra, so that that thing, if you can, instead of it being like, oh man, what the fuck?
00:45:31.000God, I hope the CAT scan doesn't mean I have cancer.
00:47:37.000And that's why I think it's a funny term, attention deficit disorder.
00:47:42.000Because these kids, there's no deficit in attention.
00:47:46.000Maybe it's an attention control disorder in the sense that they can't control what they focus their mind on.
00:47:54.000I know I have an attention control disorder because I can be sitting on my porch and then look down at my phone and not look up for another 15 minutes.
00:48:03.000Okay, but stop right there, because you don't.
00:48:05.000Because if it's something that you really love, like StarCraft, you can fucking lock on to that shit for hours.
00:48:38.000Maybe this is an impossibility or fantasy.
00:48:40.000But I'd much rather have the ability to lock my attention onto anything I wanted to with the exact same level that gets locked onto things that I enjoy.
00:48:50.000Because I think if I could do that, then I would be able to...
00:48:59.000Yeah, but certain things like books, especially like really long novels, like I'm just listening to The Stand, the Stephen King audiobook, The Stand.
00:49:11.000But I'll tell you, the first two hours, there's a lot of shit in there that doesn't involve people coughing up sprays of thick, briny plague mucus and wandering through an apocalyptic wasteland.
00:49:25.000There's just a lot of character development that's not that fun.
00:49:29.000But you need to focus on that because it brings the characters to life more.
00:50:01.000When I was taking jujitsu with Eddie Bravo, my mind was everywhere.
00:50:07.000I know if I just had the ability to focus on that for a year, Then that would have radically transformed my life.
00:50:14.000So that's why I say I wish that I could figure out a way to make my mind Become immersed in anything that I wanted to instead of what it wanted to get immersed in.
00:50:47.000And that's the weird sort of thing that happens to kids when they learn a sport or they learn a martial art or, you know, you try out for the wrestling team or something.
00:50:56.000You realize, like, I love wrestling, but to get really good at wrestling, you got to go through wrestling practice.
00:51:06.000When you're dealing with something that you want to describe as attention deficit disorder, I don't think that applies to that.
00:51:13.000I think all that is is a conditioning of discipline and a recognition that discipline is like a mode that you can put your mind into and that you can achieve.
00:51:24.000And it's also one of those things where if you have a characteristic that you cultivate on a regular basis, then it becomes a part of who you are.
00:51:33.000If you get used to an act, you get used to a habit, all you have to do is do something for 90 days and that will become who you are.
00:51:40.000You say, I'm going to take yoga every day for 90 days.
00:53:06.000By the way, everybody, StarCraft people out there, I should make this very important announcement.
00:53:11.000This Friday at 1pm, I will be live streaming a match between me and Pendleton Ward, the creator of Adventure Time, who also plays StarCraft.
00:54:32.000If you're going to play a real game of StarCraft, you've got to eat your cashews and drink your Coke, and then you start playing.
00:54:39.000You might be able to take some swigs of water in the first four minutes or so when you're building up your army and your little zerglings are just beginning to grow.
00:54:55.000We had a long drive to and from location.
00:54:57.000It was like two hours from the airport.
00:54:59.000And we got into a StarCraft conversation.
00:55:01.000And the passion in his voice when he describes StarCraft, it's like, man, if you put that much effort into anything else in your life, this is a real problem is that those things don't pay off.
00:55:44.000If you go to Team Liquid, I saw somewhere there was a listing of how much...
00:55:49.000In fact, when players start playing in tournaments as part of their credits, they will show the amount of money that they've won over the course of their career.
00:56:49.000I shouldn't say that because it has been proven that it has a positive effect on cognitive function.
00:56:54.000It strengthens your decision-making abilities.
00:56:59.000It makes your brain fire at a rapid pace.
00:57:03.000For real, they've figured this out with video games.
00:57:06.000You're dealing with an intense series of things going on.
00:57:09.000You're managing them and it's like an exercise for your mind.
00:57:12.000I just think it's a drug, and I think that it's like some drugs have benefits, and I think that it's a digital drug, and I think that when you're playing...
00:57:21.000You know, when I'm playing a video game for a long time, for a really long time, like when I was addicted to World of Warcraft, which I'm not anymore, which I don't play anymore, but when I was addicted to World of Warcraft, which was a true video game addiction, And I think about spending a couple of days playing that game as the main activity of my day.
00:57:44.000I don't really see much of a difference in physical activity between me and somebody who just got on the spike and shot some heroin into his veins.
00:57:54.000You know, he's going to be sitting on the couch nodding in and out.
00:57:58.000I'm going to be sitting on my chair focused on a fantasy world and clicking buttons.
00:58:03.000But our caloric, we're not burning a lot of calories.
00:58:26.000When that shit comes out, people are going to have to accept the fact that we found another way to get high that's as...
00:58:33.000As addictive and potentially life-destroying as any other hardcore narcotic.
00:58:38.000Well, you keep hearing about these people that abandon their babies because they've been playing a video game and they let their kids starve to death.
00:58:45.000You hear about that shit all the time.
01:00:00.000So like you can, instead of spending your time building a giant army if within the first five minutes you can build a very small army and get that into your enemy's base taking them by surprise and they haven't built up any defense then you can sometimes defeat your enemy within the first five minutes of the game because they weren't prepared for what's called a rush and that's called a cheese attack and it pisses people off And it's so fun to piss people off when you're playing because then they'll chat
01:00:30.000to you like, you fucking noob piece of shit.
01:01:56.000I keep praying that Blizzard releases some version of it where each member of the armies can be somebody else playing Halo-style, so each of the armies are like, each individual troop is being controlled by some other player somewhere else.
01:02:32.000The Zerg, to create units, you'll max out your units.
01:02:36.000So you start off, you can only have ten units on the board, and then you have to build a thing called an Overlord, and for each Overlord, you can build another five units.
01:02:44.000So you could have potentially 200 people as individuals, 200 different individuals logged into a server?
01:02:51.000Well, it wouldn't be at 200, but you could have like 130 or 150 or something, because certain units are...
01:02:57.000That would be fucking wild, to have 150 people online representing a team.
01:03:03.000I mean, is that what's going to happen with Oculus Rift?
01:03:05.000It seems like that would be totally possible.
01:03:07.000Yeah, I think that is going to happen with Oculus Rift, and I think that...
01:03:11.000How many people are going to die having heart attacks playing that?
01:03:13.000Playing that, probably not many, but...
01:03:24.000I mean, I think that's going to be one of the problems that we see is people are going to get sick and people are going to, like, go into cardiac arrest.
01:03:30.000People are going to have the most amazing legs ever.
01:03:46.000He was talking about some kind of mix of psychedelics and video games.
01:03:50.000So it's like, not only are you going to be putting the rift on, but you're going to be taking some synthetic drug That helps you merge into the video game more so that you can merge into it more.
01:04:32.000Yeah, and you can get in planes, you can get in tanks.
01:04:35.000Yeah, see, this to me speaks to me as an individual, as a human being experiencing life.
01:04:41.000Like, I know I'm just in a video game, but you're running around with a machine gun, you're flying around in a plane, It's like you're seeing it from the point of view of an actual player.
01:04:50.000When you're looking at it above, I'm sure it's really cool, but it lacks that feeling like it's actually happening.
01:05:49.000Duels are fascinating because they got it down to when they know when weapons would respawn.
01:05:54.000So the whole key to a duel was controlling the map.
01:05:57.000You had to know where the rocket launcher is.
01:05:58.000You had to get to the guy before the rocket launcher respawned.
01:06:01.000You had to make sure that he never got a good weapon.
01:06:03.000So all you have is like a little blaster when you spawn, and then if someone kills you and they're all armored up and they're filled with weapons, they can fuck you up.
01:06:10.000And the key is like, you gotta figure out a way to kill that guy while he's all armored up.
01:06:14.000It's very, very difficult, and it becomes like this massive duel to get to various strong spots on the map.
01:08:51.000And yeah, when you get something like pornography where you can just watch people fuck and get stimulated, for sure you can get addicted to that.
01:08:57.000But does that mean that because you get addicted to it, it shouldn't be available to people that enjoy it?
01:09:02.000Does that mean that just because you think it dehumanizes people and objectifies people, that everyone looks at it that way?
01:09:10.000It definitely is changing the kids nowadays.
01:09:24.000Like, that's what you're supposed to do when you have sex, you know?
01:09:27.000Or you're supposed to have a fist in your ass once in a while.
01:09:30.000Because the porn is so shocking and crazy, and they're watching it at such a young age that usually, back in the day, you used to look at a Playboy and go, that girl has nice boobs.
01:09:39.000But you're not seeing crazy, full-on XXX porn back then.
01:09:44.000And people are seeing it on their phone.
01:09:45.000And they're seeing it at a young age, too.
01:10:16.000They're like the indigenous people in the rainforest that are getting wiped out.
01:10:20.000To think that we had something that, you know, is going to be extinct one day.
01:10:24.000Disney should do a cartoon about like a tribe of crabs living in the pubic hair of someone who's on the verge of shaving her pussy and they've got to like convince her not to do it.
01:12:44.000I need to start wearing pants that are too big and then, like, get a belt that ties them down because when pants fit my waist, they don't fit my troll-like thighs.
01:13:14.000Can't you buy them big and just go to a tailor?
01:13:16.000I think I'm going to have to buy them the right length but a wider waist just to see if they make the legs.
01:13:23.000They must make your legs bigger than they figure you're a fat fuck.
01:13:26.000I got a real problem with that though because on TV I look like I'm wearing girls jeans because my jeans are tight on the top like I'm wearing skinny jeans.
01:13:35.000You can see my package is all bundled in there and tucked.
01:13:46.000Tinder is this thing where what it does is it's based on location and It will pull up a girl's photo and it will say, like, this girl is like...
01:16:20.000That, I mean, it's not always because of mundane jobs, but there's a part of us, whatever it is, whatever's the cause of it, the point is there's a part of human beings that will just get obsessed with something and get crazy with something and just fucking run with it and then go,
01:16:37.000It could be that with pornography, but it could be that with almost anything.
01:16:42.000And if you looked at the amount of people that watch pornography and aren't crazy and don't objectify women because of it and aren't mean to people because of it and don't hate and don't want to rape and kill, I would have to assume that that's much larger.
01:16:57.000And there's also studies that show that people that are exposed to whether it's extreme, like rough sex or different types of sex or different sexual acts, that it can ease their desire to perform those acts.
01:17:16.000That it can actually, especially things like rough sex.
01:17:20.000There's some people that have fantasies about that.
01:17:23.000They can watch it in a porn and never want to hit somebody.
01:17:26.000And they think that it can have some sort of an alleviating effect.
01:17:32.000I don't know if these studies are biased.
01:17:33.000I don't know if they went into it trying to prove something and if it's been rejected by science.
01:17:39.000But I know the argument is kind of strange that it has that sort of alleviating effect that has that sort of a release mechanism effect.
01:17:46.000Like violent movies, a lot of people feel the same way.
01:18:39.000That's one of the problems with this repressed sexual culture that we live in, is that what ends up happening is people watch porn, and what they're seeing a lot of times is the result of sexual repression.
01:18:50.000You know when you get that creepy narrator?
01:18:52.000I'm sure we've talked about this before, but that guy who ruins the porn?
01:20:25.000Well, it's because a long time ago, some really fucked up dudes started controlling everything.
01:20:32.000And it's been going on and on like that for a very long time.
01:20:36.000And we're the descendants of super sexually repressed, fundamentalist, religious fanatics who came over here to start utopian societies and as part of their understanding of things decided that they were going to lock that pussy underneath a Bible and That's where we're at today.
01:23:47.000Because she never did anything good before that.
01:23:50.000It's not like she did something that was really cool and interesting and then people really got into it and then she's doing this as a parody.
01:25:11.000And Yoko, in the middle of it, can't handle that she's not getting any shine.
01:25:14.000She takes the fucking microphone out of the stand, starts playing the bongo, and as they're singing, you know, go, go, Johnny, go, whatever, she picks up the mic and I swear to God goes, some fucking crazy shit.
01:30:16.000I don't know how you eliminate the 50% plus divorce rate that we have in this country.
01:30:22.000I don't know how you get it so that people can figure out how to not be that person, not be the woman, not be the man, not be the problem, but fuck.
01:30:44.000I'm saying, by the time it gets to the point where you're going through somebody's emails to see if they're cheating on you, that ship has left the port.
01:33:53.000The variables of people, the variables of scenarios, the variables of lifestyle, the variables of culture, the variables of what part of the world you're living in.
01:34:02.000There's a lot of variables when you're going to answer that question.
01:34:05.000And it's like, why are you not loving with that person?
01:34:36.000To follow that feeling and just be kind of like closed off or to try to act as though you're happy or you care about the people around you?
01:34:47.000In that scenario, I feel like you have an obligation to be kind to the people that are around you as much as is humanly possible without compromising your own sanity.
01:34:56.000Without getting to the point where someone's taking advantage of you being kind and they're just ruining your life and acting like a shithead all the time.
01:35:04.000And you're like, hey dickhead, how about pay attention to yourself?
01:35:33.000In that type of a scenario, what I thought you were talking about was inside the confines of a relationship.
01:35:38.000And if you don't feel loving to someone inside the confines of a relationship, well, you know, there's so many possible variables.
01:35:44.000But I ultimately think if you're a balanced person, if you are at least in the mode of balance, like trying to attempt to achieve balance, you should go with your instincts.
01:35:55.000And if this is not the person for you, this is not the person for you.
01:37:20.000Well, men and women are so fucking radically different as human beings with the hormone levels, the life experiences, the goals and dreams, and the fact that men want to fuck women and the fact that women are willing to let men fuck them.
01:37:56.000Greg Fitzsimmons has a fucking great bit about it where he talks about, like, if I had to choose to be with one person on an island for the rest of my life, he goes, if it was you or my wife, I'd be like, sorry, honey, I'm going to live with Joe on an island.
01:38:10.000He goes, because we're going to have fun.
01:38:12.000He goes, when was the last time you went?
01:38:14.000I'm going to have a great conversation with my wife.
01:38:16.000He's like, that doesn't fucking happen.
01:38:21.000Yeah, we have children together, but I'm hanging out with my friend.
01:38:24.000He goes, yeah, we're not going to get any sex, but so what?
01:38:27.000We'll just go jerk off in the bushes and then we'll make each other laugh for the rest of the day.
01:38:31.000And that's because we're men and we understand men.
01:38:36.000And that's why when women get together and they tell jokes about purses and shoes and fucking Fifty Shades of Grey or whatever the fuck they're into...
01:38:44.000Whatever their style of person is into.
01:39:42.000So when someone's going through your fucking emails and checking your text messages and sending all that shit to themselves, it's never going to work.
01:39:49.000It's never going to work for all the rocks.
01:41:14.000It was shocking because at that time I didn't realize that that was some women associated my four minutes or five minutes of lubing up my hand and jerking off to some random clip is like something offensive.
01:44:29.000Blackfish is, I think it's called Blackfish.
01:44:31.000It's about SeaWorld, and it's about the way they kidnap orcas and bring them in and how the orcas, like, you know, every once in a while, the orca will, like, grab one by the arm or kill.
01:45:33.000Did you see that woman in front of the dolphin aquarium doing backflips for them and they stop to watch her and it's like they're really into watching it.
01:45:42.000Two of them are just sort of sitting there watching.
01:45:44.000One of them seems to be like grinning.
01:45:46.000It seems like they're really smiling, like they think it's funny or weird.
01:45:50.000Have you seen when they look in the mirror?
01:46:01.000And I think it's cool to them to see themselves.
01:46:03.000They don't get to see that under the ocean ever.
01:46:06.000So all of a sudden they have a mirror.
01:46:08.000It's got to be a weird thing to have that sort of branch of development where their cerebral cortex is very evolved.
01:46:15.000They have this very complex language and dialects.
01:46:17.000And so complex and so different from ours that we don't understand it.
01:46:21.000We are trying to pick out patterns and bits and pieces, but as far as anyone being able to translate dolphin into a code that you could read as English text, no one's been able to do that.
01:47:40.000Their languages are really incredibly evolved and complex, and they're really beautiful in the fact that they're very friendly to human beings, and they're playful with human beings, but what's really freaky is they're rude as shit to each other.
01:51:29.000And it really caught up to him over the last couple of years.
01:51:32.000If you follow his Instagram or his Twitter while you guys were in San Diego for Comic Con, it's all just drunken rampages and girls sticking their butts out.
01:53:43.000No, but Yoshi almost talked me into it because I guess people are saying that it's not as bad as everyone's saying.
01:53:52.000Right when you go over, you just get in the taxi, tell them to take you to this one place, and there's like 200 hookers, and you just pick which ones you want out.
01:53:59.000Dude, let me just tell you before anything.
01:54:02.000On my show, I was interviewing a disease specialist.
01:54:05.000I interviewed some new guy who scared the fucking shit out of me.
01:54:08.000There's a new form of gonorrhea that they cannot cure.
01:54:11.000In the Philippines, they're finding it in Southeast Asia.
01:54:15.000And this form of gonorrhea, that's the warning shot, folks.
01:54:19.000It's making its way over here, and you can't cure it.
01:55:54.000But the bottom line is, Duncan and I, we waited at the airport, and then we flew there, and then we went from there with no sleep, got some coffee, and went to meet this disease specialist at this creepy fucking lab where they keep rabies.
01:57:27.000They claim it's totally locked down and completely safe.
01:57:30.000I was thinking about it, and I was thinking of the outrage and the hubris and all that of having a zoo of deadly viruses.
01:57:39.000But then what freaked me out even more is I realized that's necessary.
01:57:43.000We need that because of the gonorrhea that you're talking about and all the countless other things that are happening all over the planet all the time.
01:57:53.000That is definitely the thing that creeped me out the most doing this show was the bio-apocalypse.
01:58:03.000It's real and scary and provable and a matter of time.
01:58:09.000And when you see the look on these people's faces, they look like people with a burden.
01:58:15.000They're people who are operating under the burden of the knowledge that it's only a matter of time before the right duck shits in the right farmyard and the right kid eats that duck meat and that kid sneezes on the right person and...
01:59:33.000So if you come in contact with funky colds or weird shit on your hands, the acidophilus and various probiotics will actually go after that stuff and keep it from taking hold.
01:59:45.000Whereas if you have an unhealthy skin flora, and you know, ironically, what gives you an unhealthy skin flora?
02:00:08.000And there's in fact soap that actually fosters healthy skin flora.
02:00:12.000There's some stuff called Defense Soap that a lot of grapplers use.
02:00:16.000And if you go to DefenseSoap.com They sell this healthy soap that has tea tree oil and eucalyptus and all these natural remedies for healthy skin flora.
02:00:26.000Promotes healthy skin flora and cleans off all the negative shit.
02:00:29.000You shouldn't be fucking with antibacterial soap unless you have a real doctor-prescribed issue for it.
02:02:29.000That's a crazy thing to think about, that we're just like a tightly woven school of bacterial fish swimming through the coral reef of matter.
02:05:29.000See, that's one of the things that I've found about doing podcasts and doing them on a regular basis, especially, like, you get used to talking in front of people.
02:05:38.000You get the anxiety that fucks up your set.
02:05:45.000I mean, you're doing these rants when we do the podcast for the show in front of just the suits and the camera people and the folks that work on the show.
02:06:40.000It was like, I just didn't want to spend any mental energy dealing with that.
02:06:45.000I told you about the time I went on stage after Phil Hartman had died.
02:06:50.000I had one of the worst sets of my life, like after Phil Hartman had died, where I fucked up and I was just starting to get my stage legs back under me.
02:06:57.000And then I was at a gas station and I ran into a friend who's a police officer.
02:07:02.000And he gave me some details about the case that I didn't know.
02:07:27.000Sometimes I think you gotta do that, and I think in comedy sometimes a more athletic mentality gets applied to it, which is like you just gotta keep constantly punching the bag no matter what, no matter what, just punch the bag, no matter what, just go through it.
02:07:42.000I think if you're gonna be doing stand-up your whole life, shit's gonna happen.
02:07:47.000That's going to make you have to take some breaks from time to time.
02:08:29.000It's really curious because you can see that there's like a cyclical thing where it's terrible in cycles, but then it gets better and better and better.
02:08:56.000I bought bird feeders and just sat on my porch and You know, right after it happened, I was sitting on my porch and I had bird feeders and the birds had started showing up.