The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #386

00:00:02.000 Hey, freak bitches.

00:00:03.000 We're back.

00:00:08.000 This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience broadcast is brought to you by Stamps.com.

00:00:17.000 If you run a small business out of your house, the last thing you want to do is fucking measure shit and weigh it at the post office.

00:00:24.000 Good googly moogly, Joey Diaz.

00:00:26.000 Good googly moogly.

00:00:27.000 You don't want to be in that fucking line talking to some person who doesn't want to talk to you.

00:00:31.000 Waiting and waiting while some asshole in front of you is trying to buy stamps.

00:00:36.000 Trust me, do this shit on your own computer.

00:00:39.000 It's way easier.

00:00:40.000 You do it all printed out.

00:00:42.000 You measure it yourself.

00:00:44.000 They give you a scale.

00:00:45.000 It's a sweet deal.

00:00:46.000 If you click on the old-schooly-looking microphone in the upper right-hand corner, and you use the code word JRE, you get this special offer.

00:00:55.000 No risk trial, plus a $110 bonus offer, including a digital scale and up to $55 of free postage.

00:01:02.000 It's an excellent service, one that Brian Redband himself uses when he sends out those kitty cat t-shirts.

00:01:08.000 Meow.

00:01:08.000 It makes it so a person can actually run a business from your house with no bullshit.

00:01:14.000 So go to Stamps.com, use the code word JRE, and get your super sweet offer, you sexy bitches, which includes a digital scale and up to $55 of free postage.

00:01:25.000 That's Stamps.com, and the code word is JRE. We're also brought to you by Audible.com.

00:01:32.000 The best resource on the internet if you're looking for audio entertainment, whether it's books or radio shows like the Opie and Anthony show.

00:01:41.000 I believe they have some podcasts on there as well.

00:01:44.000 We thought they had Dan Carlin's podcast, but we were mistaken.

00:01:47.000 I want to talk to Dan about it.

00:01:49.000 He's like, nope, you're just making that shit up.

00:01:50.000 I love that guy.

00:01:51.000 What a great guy.

00:01:52.000 Yeah, he's a great guy.

00:01:53.000 If you listen to his podcast, you'll like him even more.

00:01:56.000 Once you listen to the podcast, then you really like the guy.

00:01:59.000 Because you're like, oh, this guy's making a masterpiece.

00:02:03.000 What we're doing is just sitting around talking shit.

00:02:06.000 And I appreciate that you guys enjoy it, but the amount of effort that goes into doing one of these, it's so tiny compared to what he's doing.

00:02:16.000 He's essentially doing a real audiobook every time he releases a podcast, so it takes a few weeks to put each one out, but they're masterpieces, and he's so dramatic.

00:02:26.000 It makes listening to history exciting.

00:02:31.000 But there's a lot of fucking cool books that they have on audible.com.

00:02:36.000 There's a plethora, over 100,000 different titles.

00:02:40.000 They even have stand-up comedy.

00:02:42.000 I know they have some of my shit up there.

00:02:44.000 It's a sweet, what is that, Ender's Game?

00:02:46.000 Yeah.

00:02:47.000 What book is that?

00:02:48.000 What is that?

00:02:49.000 I've heard of this before.

00:02:51.000 It's the war with, like, a hundred years into the future.

00:02:55.000 It's really good.

00:02:56.000 It's 20 years old.

00:02:58.000 Is it really?

00:02:59.000 Huh?

00:03:00.000 20 years ago was not that long ago.

00:03:01.000 How weird is that?

00:03:02.000 There was a movie coming out about it.

00:03:03.000 I used to think 20 years ago was like, God, it was so long ago.

00:03:06.000 Remember when you were a kid?

00:03:07.000 You thought, God, 20 years ago was the 1960s.

00:03:10.000 What the fuck?

00:03:12.000 How ridiculous is that?

00:03:13.000 And then you realize, oh, that shit happens rather quick.

00:03:16.000 Which is really weird when you wrap your head around it and you think from 1950 to 2013 how different shit is.

00:03:23.000 But it's only 63 years.

00:03:25.000 August is almost over.

00:03:26.000 Doesn't it seem like it was just August?

00:03:28.000 Dude, time's flying.

00:03:29.000 So what is this Ender's Game?

00:03:31.000 They're making it into a book?

00:03:32.000 This is an Audible book, but they're also making it into a movie.

00:03:35.000 Oh, excuse me, making it into a movie?

00:03:36.000 Yeah.

00:03:36.000 Well, the beautiful thing about Audible is for fucking traffic, and if you're on a plane or something like that, if you don't want to listen to a podcast, if you don't want to listen to us, this is a great way to go.

00:03:47.000 And over 100,000 different titles.

00:03:49.000 And if you go to audible.com...

00:03:53.000 You can't...

00:03:54.000 What is the fucking...

00:03:55.000 Hold on a second.

00:03:57.000 I think there's like a new thing we have to say with Audible.

00:03:59.000 Oh, no.

00:04:00.000 Which one is...

00:04:00.000 No, it's Squarespace.

00:04:01.000 Squarespace is the confusing one because they want the number afterwards.

00:04:04.000 They want Joe 8. To track the months.

00:04:06.000 Yeah.

00:04:06.000 I think Audible.com.

00:04:07.000 You just go to Audible.com forward slash Joe.

00:04:09.000 You get...

00:04:10.000 Yeah, that's all it is.

00:04:10.000 And you get one free audio book and 30 free days of service.

00:04:15.000 It's a sweet deal.

00:04:16.000 And as far as like a resource...

00:04:41.000 That's hard.

00:04:45.000 Yeah, so Steve Marmel was doing that.

00:04:47.000 He was doing that every week.

00:04:48.000 I remember they had a contract with him and a couple other dudes.

00:04:52.000 You know, Marmel's real topical, so he was trying to just constantly write topical jokes about funny shit that's happening in the news or what have you.

00:05:00.000 But it was fucking brutal.

00:05:02.000 That's a lot of time.

00:05:05.000 That's too hard to do.

00:05:06.000 You could do it, but man, you've got to be on the ball every day.

00:05:10.000 If you want it to really truly represent you.

00:05:13.000 So I think they stopped doing that, but they have Earth by Jon Stewart.

00:05:17.000 Does Jon Stewart read it?

00:05:18.000 He's got to read it.

00:05:19.000 You can't have somebody else read it.

00:05:20.000 Scroll back up.

00:05:21.000 Not that one.

00:05:23.000 Is that God No Penn Jillettes?

00:05:25.000 Does he read his own?

00:05:26.000 Oh, let's see.

00:05:27.000 That'd be a great one.

00:05:28.000 Of course he did.

00:05:29.000 Yeah, of course he did.

00:05:30.000 Why didn't you even ask?

00:05:32.000 Sarah Silverman.

00:05:34.000 Fucking destroyed on the roast.

00:05:36.000 Jesus Christ.

00:05:36.000 Oh, she's hilarious, man.

00:05:37.000 She's hilarious, and she reads her own shit, too.

00:05:39.000 She's a very funny person.

00:05:42.000 She's, in my opinion, like, as far as, like, chick stand-ups, and I hate to break them up into chicks, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

00:05:49.000 You know, she's, like, top two, three all time, you know?

00:05:52.000 But what women have been, like, I mean, and I know a lot of people say, what about Lucille Ball?

00:05:56.000 She's more of a comedic actress.

00:05:58.000 And as far as stand-ups, I think Joan Rivers is the queen.

00:06:01.000 I don't think you can fuck with Joan Rivers.

00:06:03.000 She's been funny for like 80 years.

00:06:06.000 You can't fuck with her.

00:06:07.000 She's number one.

00:06:08.000 Women of all time, Joan Rivers.

00:06:10.000 And then you got like the Paula Poundstones, and you got like...

00:06:14.000 Roseanne Barr.

00:06:15.000 Roseanne Barr, who's a crusher.

00:06:16.000 I just heard an amazing interview with her on Ron and Fez the other day.

00:06:20.000 She's the real deal.

00:06:20.000 You know what?

00:06:23.000 Her and Joan Rivers, man, that's actually kind of close when you think about that.

00:06:26.000 She's a beast.

00:06:27.000 We gotta get Rosie.

00:06:29.000 She's fucking funny, man.

00:06:30.000 She's funny, man.

00:06:30.000 She was strong.

00:06:32.000 In the 80s, I remember she was funny like the best guys in the world were funny.

00:06:37.000 You know, I mean, she was a killer.

00:06:39.000 She didn't give a fuck.

00:06:41.000 And then when they gave her a TV show, she gave less fucks.

00:06:44.000 She's a beast.

00:06:46.000 She was talking about how she, like, her first show, or first comedy show in L.A., like, she had only been doing, I think, comedy, like, two years.

00:06:54.000 Mitzi loved her.

00:06:55.000 And that same show, like her first night in LA. The Tonight Show.

00:06:59.000 Yeah, she booked The Tonight Show on the first night.

00:07:01.000 That is insane.

00:07:02.000 We've got to get her on the podcast.

00:07:04.000 That's insane.

00:07:04.000 I talked to her, like she was thinking about stopping by our San Diego show and Comic Con.

00:07:09.000 So you chat with her?

00:07:10.000 Yeah, on Twitter.

00:07:11.000 She follows me.

00:07:11.000 She's cool, though.

00:07:12.000 That's so cool.

00:07:12.000 Well, she follows me on Twitter.

00:07:14.000 She asks me questions sometimes.

00:07:16.000 She's all into like New World Order type shit.

00:07:19.000 Imagine smoking weed with her, having her on a podcast.

00:07:22.000 Oh, dude, it'd be amazing.

00:07:23.000 I just love to give her a hug.

00:07:24.000 When she's on Letterman, tape it, even if you can't watch it.

00:07:26.000 Look, I did Rosie O'Donnell's show just to meet Rosie.

00:07:29.000 I really did.

00:07:30.000 I think she's badass.

00:07:32.000 I like her.

00:07:32.000 Whether I agree with what she says about things or not, I think Rosie's got some balls.

00:07:37.000 And she doesn't seem like an asshole to me at all.

00:07:39.000 No, when they had that show on VH1 with the badge, the stand-up badge, that the host quit and Rosie took over, that was when she was a strong-ass woman.

00:07:49.000 And the girl you like, dog, she rips up some fucking stages, too.

00:07:53.000 Who?

00:07:53.000 What's the chick on Channel 5 every day, the one that's seen you at the bus stop?

00:07:58.000 The lesbian chick that seen you on the bus stop, you went on her show, the other day you were looking for tickets.

00:08:03.000 Oh, you're talking about Ellen DeGeneres?

00:08:05.000 Ellen DeGeneres used to rip it up in her fucking day too, dog.

00:08:08.000 Yeah, she ripped it up.

00:08:09.000 There's a couple motherfuckers that ripped it up.

00:08:11.000 Paula Poundstone ripped it up.

00:08:12.000 The chick from the Comedy Store, the one that was in with them, they smoked a joint with the chick with the fucking big tits, Lily Tomlin.

00:08:19.000 She used to rip up the Oh yeah, she'd do more of a theatrical thing, like a one-woman show.

00:08:25.000 But I think, you know, in my opinion, Sarah Silverman's right up there.

00:08:28.000 I think she's one of the top ones.

00:08:29.000 Let's go.

00:08:31.000 It's Rivers with a strong Roseanne kicking the fucking door.

00:08:34.000 I don't know, man.

00:08:36.000 Roseanne might have been better.

00:08:39.000 Like, as her delivery...

00:08:41.000 Man, no, it's fucking hard, dude.

00:08:44.000 It's very hard.

00:08:46.000 Because Joan Rivers is still out there swinging.

00:08:49.000 So in my opinion, you've got to give her number one because she's still swinging.

00:08:54.000 She's still out there doing concerts and shit and killing.

00:08:57.000 But when they asked her, she was on The Wrestler.

00:09:06.000 I think it's harder for a woman to do stand-up.

00:09:09.000 Fuck yeah!

00:09:10.000 I think that men are sexist for the most part and they don't want to listen to a woman talk.

00:09:17.000 You know, I think it's harder to get a lot of men's attention.

00:09:19.000 And obviously that's a big generalization because there's a lot of Sarah Silverman fans from men.

00:09:23.000 A lot of women fans of comedy, there are men.

00:09:25.000 I cheer for women when they're featuring.

00:09:28.000 I cheer for women when they're featuring.

00:09:30.000 And I love motherfuckers who go on stage headlining and think they're going to follow a woman on a Saturday night.

00:09:36.000 Your shit better be tight.

00:09:37.000 Because if this chick decides to go up there, the shit goes her way.

00:09:42.000 Remember, that's half women.

00:09:44.000 Shit goes her way.

00:09:45.000 You're gonna have a rough time, and I've seen it happen.

00:09:47.000 Oh, you know I've seen Burry?

00:09:49.000 I've seen Burry motherfuckers.

00:09:52.000 Burry them!

00:09:52.000 With ego at the store.

00:09:54.000 Don't fuck around with women sometimes.

00:09:56.000 I've seen Shayma Tash bury motherfuckers in the OR. Yeah.

00:10:00.000 I've seen her bury motherfuckers in the OR. There's a lot of women who will take that room and flip you.

00:10:06.000 They don't have titties.

00:10:07.000 They don't give a fuck.

00:10:08.000 They look like they've been fucked in the ass a thousand times.

00:10:10.000 And they go up there with that attitude and you're sitting there going, wow.

00:10:14.000 What was the Puerto Rican chick at the store early on that married, what's his name?

00:10:20.000 That she had the kid with what's his name and she did a couple episodes of NYPD Blue and she was on her way.

00:10:26.000 I saw her in there a couple Tuesday nights and I was like, damn, this bitch, if she was on the road for a few years, she had a kid.

00:10:33.000 By that time she had the kids, she'd sit the kid in the fucking bar at the Comedy Store and go do 15 minutes.

00:10:38.000 Well, I think I told you that one of the most promising sets of an open-miker I ever saw was Kelly Kirsten.

00:10:43.000 Kelly Kirsten, absolutely.

00:10:45.000 Dude, let me tell you something.

00:10:46.000 Kelly Kirsten, especially when she didn't have a boyfriend.

00:10:50.000 She's a sweetie and she you know she'd get a boyfriend she'd calm down but when she didn't have a boyfriend she was fucking angry and she did this bit man she did this bit I wish I was a man you know Kelly's like I'm short I'm 5'8 and she's at least five inches taller than me right I mean how tall is she she's 6'1 6'2 yeah I would say 6'1 she's a very tall girl and and she get fucking angry and she's like real physical and like she would do she did this bit I I wish I was a man.

00:11:17.000 If I was a man, I'd come in chicks and go, fuck you, have my kid.

00:11:22.000 She goes, if I was a man, she goes, if I had a dick, I'd kick old ladies into the traffic.

00:11:27.000 And it's like this really wild bit, man.

00:11:29.000 And I was an open mic, or she was an open mic, rather.

00:11:32.000 I mean, she was just starting out.

00:11:33.000 And I was like, wow.

00:11:34.000 I was like, this chick is fucking strong.

00:11:37.000 Joe, you saw it, that the chicks that went to the comedy store Either had to sit or get off the fucking pot.

00:11:43.000 They only had about three or four weeks to adjust to that style of comedy.

00:11:47.000 And you would see them go away on their own because it's six guys before you.

00:11:51.000 And you gotta go up there with your little quaint material at 1045. You had about three or four of those sets until it got back to Mitzi.

00:11:57.000 So now what you had to do is go in there and go, you know what?

00:12:01.000 I gotta use my pussy and go in and throw some fucking heat and throw some steam.

00:12:05.000 And that's either do or die at the store.

00:12:07.000 Even Sherri Shepherd.

00:12:08.000 I remember Sherri Shepherd used to come in early on.

00:12:11.000 What was the cute black girl that had the white boyfriend manager?

00:12:16.000 God damn it.

00:12:17.000 And then you had La Mer that was all stitched up and plastic surgeried up and shit.

00:12:20.000 They were holding it together with crazy glue.

00:12:23.000 I remember a comic that used to go to the Laugh Factory.

00:12:26.000 She was asking me about the store.

00:12:28.000 Like, you know, like, when should I go up?

00:12:30.000 Like, when is the crowd, like, the nicest?

00:12:32.000 I was like, stop.

00:12:34.000 I was like, end this conversation right now.

00:12:36.000 You don't know what you're talking about.

00:12:37.000 You're talking about chaos.

00:12:39.000 Audible.com.

00:12:40.000 Go to Audible.

00:12:41.000 Go buy yourself some cool shit.

00:12:42.000 There's a lot of books.

00:12:43.000 Like I said, Sarah Silverman's book, and that's a good one.

00:12:46.000 Go get that one.

00:12:47.000 Get it for free.

00:12:48.000 Audible.com forward slash Joe.

00:12:49.000 Do you know her manager?

00:12:50.000 Have you ever met Sarah Silverman's manager?

00:12:53.000 Which one's her manager?

00:12:53.000 Some lady who was amazing, and she was so fucking badass.

00:12:57.000 She was just coming up to guys and going, you better not fuck with Tony!

00:13:01.000 If you fuck with Tony!

00:13:02.000 It was intense.

00:13:04.000 She was amazing.

00:13:05.000 What was that about?

00:13:07.000 I think Tony's managers were there.

00:13:09.000 And so she just came up and started just screaming at these two guys.

00:13:15.000 It was so awesome.

00:13:17.000 And then I was like, who was that girl?

00:13:19.000 And he goes, oh, that's Sir Soerman's manager.

00:13:22.000 I was like, that's badass.

00:13:23.000 She's a badass.

00:13:24.000 Alright, we're also brought to you by Onnit.com.

00:13:26.000 We do have a new thing at Onnit.

00:13:27.000 We have an orangutan kettlebell now.

00:13:29.000 The orangutan kettlebell is like 50-something pounds.

00:13:33.000 They insist on doing them in poods.

00:13:36.000 Holy shit!

00:13:37.000 One pood and two poods.

00:13:38.000 It's pretty badass.

00:13:39.000 Yeah, so now we have the orangutan that goes along with the chimp and the gorilla, the orangutan being the 1.5 pood, which I think is 52 pounds or something like that, or 50 pounds.

00:13:50.000 Why are you doing it with pood?

00:13:51.000 I don't know.

00:13:51.000 I don't know why they did that.

00:13:53.000 It's so ridiculous.

00:13:54.000 What is a pood, man?

00:13:55.000 It's an old piece of poo.

00:13:57.000 It's to show we're legit, bro.

00:13:59.000 Yeah, I think we're really fucking up there, Aubrey.

00:14:01.000 Let's put the goddamn weight to these things.

00:14:03.000 Yeah, well, it's like fucking kilos and shit.

00:14:05.000 Yeah, why do we have to have inside fucking secret shit, like a pood?

00:14:10.000 I don't even know what a pood is, and I sell these things.

00:14:12.000 Why don't you do it by ounces?

00:14:13.000 That would be cooler.

00:14:14.000 I work out with these bitches every day, and I don't know what a fucking pood is.

00:14:16.000 Fucking pood.

00:14:17.000 What's a pood, goddammit?

00:14:19.000 But what they are is these Primal Bells.

00:14:21.000 Go to onnit.krc.com.

00:14:26.000 Kettlebells, onnit.com forward slash kettlebells.

00:14:28.000 And you'll see the regular kettlebells, which we sell.

00:14:32.000 But the new ones are the Primal Bells.

00:14:34.000 And if you go to onnit.com forward slash primal dash bells, you'll see these.

00:14:40.000 And that's the orangutan.

00:14:42.000 They're not as threatening looking.

00:14:43.000 They have like a big mushy face.

00:14:45.000 Yeah, it looks like Ari's balls.

00:14:47.000 Was it the fat guy in Blade?

00:14:49.000 That was in the bed.

00:14:50.000 Remember the fat guy in Blade?

00:14:51.000 Eric Griffin.

00:14:51.000 What's his name?

00:14:52.000 It's really amazing artwork, too.

00:14:54.000 If you see it with the black contrast, you can see how good the artwork is.

00:14:58.000 It's incredible.

00:14:59.000 As far as idea to actual product, when we came up with this idea and then seeing them now, The difference is...

00:15:11.000 It's perfect.

00:15:12.000 The fucking gorilla is amazing, man.

00:15:14.000 I can't help but look at that thing.

00:15:16.000 Look at that, Joey.

00:15:17.000 Look at that gorilla.

00:15:18.000 That shit's incredible.

00:15:19.000 I mean, look at that thing.

00:15:21.000 Look at the fucking artwork on that.

00:15:23.000 It's like, what the fuck?

00:15:24.000 It's so badass.

00:15:26.000 And they're really well balanced as well.

00:15:28.000 It's one of the most important things about doing this Primal Bell thing is that we wanted to make sure that if we had these gigantic kettlebells, we would...

00:15:37.000 Even though they have this beautiful artwork on them, we wanted to make sure they're balanced.

00:15:40.000 So what's the lightest one weigh?

00:15:42.000 35 pounds.

00:15:42.000 One pooed.

00:15:44.000 And that's the lightest one they have?

00:15:45.000 Yeah, it's 35 pounds, 1.5, which is whatever.

00:15:49.000 And then there's the gorilla, which is 2, which is 70. You think they are doing the pood because it's like monkey pood?

00:15:56.000 No, because they're being silly.

00:15:58.000 Yeah, they're being silly.

00:15:59.000 They're being like, that's what it is, traditional.

00:16:02.000 I didn't even think about it until today.

00:16:04.000 It's because I'm high as fuck.

00:16:07.000 I see things clearly.

00:16:09.000 When I'm really high, I see things clearly.

00:16:11.000 It's very important.

00:16:12.000 Um, yeah.

00:16:14.000 So, anyway, go there.

00:16:15.000 Go there and check that shit out.

00:16:16.000 Have some, uh, get yourself some hemp force protein.

00:16:19.000 Get yourself some, uh, all kinds of battle ropes and weight vests and steel maces.

00:16:23.000 Anything you need as far as, like, strength and conditioning.

00:16:25.000 If you're trying to tell people you train UFC, yeah, you ever see that shit they do on All Access?

00:16:30.000 It's me, bro.

00:16:31.000 With the fucking ropes in my yard.

00:16:33.000 I'm swinging around a mace.

00:16:35.000 It's like old school.

00:16:36.000 If we go back to sword fighting, I'm prepared.

00:16:40.000 We also sell buffalo bars.

00:16:42.000 They're called Tonka bars.

00:16:44.000 Them shits is delicious.

00:16:45.000 They're made the way the Native Americans used to make them as well, with these cranberries and buffalo meat.

00:16:53.000 Buffalo's super good for you and delicious.

00:16:56.000 And buffaloes are big, so if you shoot them, you're likely to hit them.

00:16:59.000 It's easier to farm them that way, Joey Diaz.

00:17:02.000 What are you bothering me?

00:17:03.000 What are you bothering me?

00:17:05.000 Anyway, onnit.com, use the code name ROGAN, you'll save 10% off any and all supplements.

00:17:10.000 Oh, and I need to say about this orangutan thing.

00:17:13.000 We're donating money for each primal bell.

00:17:18.000 Each purchase donates $5 to Save the Red Ape.

00:17:24.000 It's an orangutan charity organization.

00:17:27.000 So whatever this organization is called, it's unclear here on this email.

00:17:32.000 I'll just read it what it says, and we'll figure it out together.

00:17:35.000 It says, we launched the orangutan primal bell and have linked it to an orangutan charity organization.

00:17:40.000 Every purchase donates $5 to Save the Red Ape.

00:17:43.000 I don't know if Save the Red Ape is the name of the organization, or there's an organization that's not named.

00:17:47.000 That's unclear to me in that statement, so I'll just be clear about that.

00:17:51.000 But the idea is that for every one of these orangutan kettlebells we sell, five bucks will go to whatever this charity is.

00:17:58.000 So I guess orangutans are endangered.

00:18:01.000 They're fucking weird looking, man.

00:18:03.000 I mean, they really do look like something out of Avatar.

00:18:05.000 Look at that thing.

00:18:06.000 That's a real animal.

00:18:07.000 How weird is that?

00:18:09.000 God damn it.

00:18:11.000 An intelligent looking thing with this fucking crazy face.

00:18:16.000 Please, stop.

00:18:17.000 Shut that off.

00:18:18.000 I don't want to focus on that at all.

00:18:22.000 Anyway, orangutan kettlebells in onnit.com.

00:18:27.000 Use the code name ROGAN. Save 10% off any and all supplements.

00:18:30.000 Joey Diaz is here, ladies and gentlemen.

00:18:32.000 That's right.

00:18:33.000 That's right.

00:18:33.000 Suck it.

00:18:34.000 Start it up.

00:18:35.000 Here we go.

00:18:35.000 Let's get this going.

00:18:37.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:18:46.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Joey motherfucking Diaz, fresh off the road, killing him in D.C., taking it nationwide.

00:18:55.000 Joey Diaz, no longer stationary, constantly on the move now.

00:19:00.000 Got no choice, brother.

00:19:01.000 You're on the move, dog.

00:19:02.000 Got no choice.

00:19:02.000 And then we're going to Milwaukee and I'm fucking excited.

00:19:05.000 I'm going to get some good spaghetti.

00:19:06.000 Yeah.

00:19:06.000 A good Italian neighborhood over there.

00:19:08.000 Joe, you're killing them out there, man.

00:19:09.000 You're killing them.

00:19:10.000 We're trying, brother.

00:19:11.000 You're killing them.

00:19:12.000 This was the plan 12 years ago.

00:19:13.000 And finally, you know, it ain't no...

00:19:14.000 Listen, man, when you're there and you put the work in, it becomes easy.

00:19:18.000 And you're enjoying it.

00:19:20.000 Yeah, you definitely...

00:19:20.000 You can't wait to fucking stay home.

00:19:22.000 You can't wait to go out and try that new joke anymore, that new delivery.

00:19:25.000 You know, you're a black belt in comedy.

00:19:27.000 It's a fun thing to do now, yeah.

00:19:29.000 Very fun, you know.

00:19:31.000 It's funny because I went from the two fucking tremendous shows we did in Boston, which...

00:19:35.000 Those are amazing.

00:19:36.000 Listen, man.

00:19:37.000 You don't ever want to bomb in Boston.

00:19:39.000 No.

00:19:39.000 For me, that's the end of everything.

00:19:42.000 That's Aerosmith.

00:19:43.000 That's Dane Cook.

00:19:44.000 That's a lot of fun.

00:19:45.000 Lenny Clark.

00:19:46.000 There's so much tradition.

00:19:47.000 I remember the first time I played Andover.

00:19:49.000 To me, I went to the store that, like, all those guys from Boston.

00:19:52.000 What was the Taekwondo guy that also had sleep apnea?

00:19:56.000 Leroy?

00:19:56.000 Leroy Rodriguez?

00:19:57.000 No, no, no.

00:19:58.000 Comedians from Boston.

00:19:59.000 He had long hair and he'd play a character.

00:20:02.000 Oh, yeah.

00:20:02.000 God damn it, man.

00:20:03.000 Those guys got me at the clubs.

00:20:05.000 What the fuck is his name?

00:20:06.000 Oh, my God.

00:20:07.000 He's going to kill me.

00:20:08.000 I'm sorry, dog.

00:20:09.000 He's a great guy.

00:20:09.000 Yeah, they were all your buddies.

00:20:10.000 Oh, yeah.

00:20:11.000 And they were like, dog, you ever played Boston?

00:20:12.000 I'm like, nah.

00:20:13.000 We'll get you in there.

00:20:14.000 So they got me into the Comedy Connection on Mondays, the open mic with the kid who died, Kevin Fitzgerald, or whatever his name was.

00:20:21.000 Kevin Fitzgerald's in Denver.

00:20:23.000 Kevin, he was friends with our friend McGuire, a mutual buddy.

00:20:27.000 He died of cancer.

00:20:28.000 Kevin Knox on Mondays.

00:20:31.000 They introduced me to him.

00:20:32.000 So I became a part of this thing.

00:20:34.000 I would do Andover, the Aku Aku, and I was never good enough to play Boston.

00:20:38.000 I would get to do the Connection on Monday nights.

00:20:42.000 And that's like having a fucking stripe in comedy, when you get to play Boston and they accept you into that community.

00:20:47.000 So I knew before I went to Boston, that week I did as many sets as I could to tighten my shit up.

00:20:52.000 We didn't go to Boston unprepared.

00:20:54.000 It was me, you and Ari.

00:20:55.000 You know, I mean, it was just a fucking perfect night.

00:20:57.000 It was funny how the next day I had to go to a summer jam up in San Jose with Russell Peters, who was a pleasure to fucking see.

00:21:21.000 The dude's name was Dom, wasn't it?

00:21:24.000 Hit me.

00:21:25.000 What was his last name?

00:21:25.000 God damn it.

00:21:26.000 It's driving me crazy.

00:21:27.000 Dominic, he just hit me up and you up about sleep apnea.

00:21:31.000 He wanted to go take a test about a year ago.

00:21:33.000 I can't believe I can't remember his name.

00:21:34.000 I ran out of room.

00:21:35.000 I ran out of room for names, Joey.

00:21:37.000 It's no disrespect.

00:21:38.000 People don't understand that.

00:21:39.000 And the attorney that was the...

00:21:42.000 Dominic Figg.

00:21:43.000 Dominic Figg.

00:21:44.000 Dominic Figg.

00:21:44.000 What was the nice gay kid...

00:21:45.000 Thank you.

00:21:46.000 I was so worried I was going to not remember his name.

00:21:48.000 It was a nice gay kid that went to Chris McGuire's house to eat dinner, and your name came up, and there was two gay guys at the table, and they go, he doesn't like Joe Rogan.

00:21:56.000 He goes, why not?

00:21:56.000 He goes, he called Princess Diana a cunt.

00:21:59.000 And they all went.

00:22:04.000 They all went.

00:22:05.000 Oh my God, it was horrible.

00:22:07.000 That's hilarious.

00:22:08.000 Those were great times, and those guys from Boston took me, and they would take me up there, so then I went to San Jose, then I went to DC and that was really the first time I used to do like headliners in Tyson's Corner for years.

00:22:21.000 I used to fly into Dulles.

00:22:23.000 This is the first time I was in the city and it was an experience because I tell you what if I would have gone five years ago guys I would have bombed this weekend.

00:22:30.000 Really?

00:22:30.000 Why do you say that?

00:22:31.000 Because I learned how to control more.

00:22:34.000 You know you learn and you know it's so funny how we put ourselves out there where you never did.

00:22:39.000 I didn't have a choice.

00:22:40.000 They would tell me to ask me to headline and I would go up there with stupid fucking jokes.

00:22:44.000 And you would headline, and you'd have the time, but you weren't really a headliner.

00:22:49.000 And it's true.

00:22:50.000 When people start to come to see you, it makes you work a little harder.

00:22:54.000 Like, every time you see them, you want to have new material or a new flow to you.

00:22:57.000 So I had never been there.

00:22:59.000 And I sharpened up this week, and I went there.

00:23:01.000 And I'll tell you, they were very politically correct.

00:23:03.000 Yeah?

00:23:03.000 The city of D.C. downtown?

00:23:06.000 Hey man, it's the nation's fucking capital.

00:23:08.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:23:09.000 I'm talking about weed under my nuts.

00:23:12.000 You know, you can't do that.

00:23:13.000 But they took the ride.

00:23:15.000 Yeah.

00:23:16.000 And as far as the club, the fucking DC Improv is tits.

00:23:19.000 The staff, the fucking, the Spanish bartenders, I mean the whole fucking deal is just a great little club.

00:23:25.000 I had the burrito one night.

00:23:28.000 Just the whole experience.

00:23:29.000 The city of Washington, D.C., I had the best chicken teriyaki and white tuna I've had the last 20 fucking years.

00:23:35.000 I've done theaters there before a couple different times, but I never did the improv before recently.

00:23:42.000 I did it with Callen.

00:23:43.000 Yeah, I just stopped there.

00:23:44.000 Let's go back.

00:23:44.000 Let's go back and do a week, three nights.

00:23:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:47.000 What, there?

00:23:48.000 You want to go back there?

00:23:48.000 Yeah, yeah, let's go back.

00:23:49.000 It's a great place.

00:23:50.000 We had a lot of good people there.

00:23:51.000 I went to a lot of places here where Dead Squad usually doesn't go.

00:23:54.000 I'll tell you what place really blew my fucking mind.

00:23:57.000 They're ready to kill people.

00:23:58.000 Salt Lake City.

00:24:00.000 Really?

00:24:00.000 The Mormons are ready, dog.

00:24:02.000 They ain't fucking around.

00:24:04.000 Louisville, Kentucky.

00:24:05.000 They're ready.

00:24:05.000 They'll come down.

00:24:06.000 No, I went to Lexington, the home of University of Kentucky.

00:24:10.000 I had a great summer going to these places that were oddball, but I wanted to see what was out there, who was listening to the fucking pop.

00:24:17.000 People were driving six, seven hours.

00:24:19.000 People driving.

00:24:20.000 I did that Louisville place with Duncan.

00:24:22.000 Tremendous.

00:24:23.000 Yeah, with Segura.

00:24:24.000 No, with Duncan.

00:24:25.000 Tremendous.

00:24:26.000 Maybe I did it with Segura, too.

00:24:27.000 Yeah, Segura, too.

00:24:28.000 Did I do it twice?

00:24:28.000 I think I did one night and a weekend or something like that.

00:24:30.000 I'm going back to Nashville this year.

00:24:32.000 I can't wait.

00:24:32.000 Oh, Nashville's great.

00:24:34.000 Nashville's great.

00:24:34.000 Is Utah really that crazy?

00:24:36.000 I mean, like, are people crazy out there?

00:24:38.000 That's why, yeah.

00:24:39.000 No, I mean, like, the people out there.

00:24:40.000 Oh, what you mean is, like, are they like crazy Mormons?

00:24:43.000 Yeah, I mean, did they party there?

00:24:45.000 Yeah, but that's Mormon.

00:24:47.000 Joe, did you see this map?

00:24:47.000 It's kind of like what you've talked about.

00:24:49.000 It's of all the porn searches they just released.

00:24:52.000 Pornhub did it.

00:24:53.000 And, of course, what you used to always say, the South Ebony is all Ebony.

00:24:58.000 But Utah, blank.

00:25:00.000 And somebody, people are saying it's because child porn is the number one.

00:25:04.000 What?

00:25:05.000 Well, Utah is blank.

00:25:06.000 That's weird.

00:25:07.000 It's like one of the few states where there's no downloads of porn.

00:25:10.000 Right.

00:25:11.000 Wow, look at Maine.

00:25:13.000 Look at Vermont.

00:25:14.000 They just gave up.

00:25:16.000 Asian, California.

00:25:17.000 I don't know what Anita Queen is.

00:25:19.000 Do you know what Anita Queen is?

00:25:21.000 No.

00:25:21.000 Never even heard of that.

00:25:22.000 What is this website that you're going to?

00:25:24.000 This is Gizmodo, and it's based off statistics given by Pornhub.

00:25:28.000 Cream Pie is Florida.

00:25:29.000 Teen is Texas.

00:25:31.000 What's that noise?

00:25:33.000 You're not hearing that?

00:25:34.000 No.

00:25:34.000 Here's some crazy feedback.

00:25:38.000 Cream pie was a lot more popular than imagined.

00:25:42.000 Cream pie is like number one.

00:25:44.000 Yeah, I think cream pie is probably number one and teens probably number two.

00:25:47.000 Well, because people like to come into people.

00:25:49.000 Yeah.

00:25:50.000 Cream pie.

00:25:50.000 No, like most of them are cream pies.

00:25:52.000 Well, that's what people like, I think.

00:25:54.000 Let me look at this.

00:25:55.000 I don't know what the map looks like.

00:25:57.000 You know, I heard that Al Franken can draw the map.

00:26:00.000 Like, you could get Al Franken up to a chalkboard, and he could just draw the map for you.

00:26:04.000 And I was kind of, like, sad.

00:26:06.000 Because I was like, um, I can't.

00:26:09.000 I get it.

00:26:09.000 Yeah, I have no idea where you are.

00:26:10.000 Like, I'm looking at these things, okay?

00:26:12.000 Because it's just cream pie, cream pie.

00:26:13.000 They're, like, listing.

00:26:15.000 Texas is teen, which is fucking creepy, man.

00:26:18.000 That shit's creepy.

00:26:20.000 Ohio's MILF cream pie.

00:26:21.000 So not just cream pie, it's old cream pie.

00:26:24.000 Yeah, this is weird, man.

00:26:26.000 It's weird how California is dominated by Asian.

00:26:29.000 Look at that.

00:26:29.000 Number one, Asian.

00:26:31.000 Boom.

00:26:32.000 Head of the times.

00:26:33.000 And the average visits...

00:26:35.000 Well, I don't understand that.

00:26:37.000 Do you get that?

00:26:38.000 Average number of visits duration.

00:26:40.000 So the duration, the average for the people in California was like on the darker end.

00:26:46.000 But not as dark as fucking, like, look at Georgia.

00:26:49.000 Yeah.

00:26:50.000 And it's teen.

00:26:51.000 Yep.

00:26:51.000 Ebony has the longest.

00:26:52.000 So you can go into a store and say, I want teen porn and they'll sell it to you?

00:26:56.000 Like two kids fucking like 16?

00:26:58.000 No, no.

00:26:59.000 They're like 18 or 19 or something like that.

00:27:02.000 And that's the idea.

00:27:03.000 But you go into and get like Asian porn, like a white dude fucking a Chinese chick?

00:27:07.000 Oh yeah.

00:27:08.000 Online, you get that stuff?

00:27:09.000 Yeah.

00:27:11.000 That's impossible.

00:27:12.000 That's like so standard.

00:27:14.000 It's weird how there's like standard like categories of porn.

00:27:20.000 You know, like DP. Like that's a category.

00:27:22.000 What's DP? Double penetration.

00:27:24.000 That's like normal.

00:27:25.000 We're like, one's the ass, one's the vagina.

00:27:28.000 It's so passe.

00:27:29.000 It's so passe that it's its own category.

00:27:32.000 It's like, not just once.

00:27:34.000 Not just a couple crazy people got together.

00:27:36.000 One in her ass and one in the vagina.

00:27:38.000 Yeah, double penetration.

00:27:39.000 Two dudes right in her asshole like that together.

00:27:41.000 Hey, listen.

00:27:42.000 If you're a chick and you love dick, tell me that wouldn't be amazing.

00:27:47.000 The problem is that it's on video and everyone's gonna know, but the reality, if you're a girl, if you like anal sex, I don't know if girls like it, but if you do like it, it varies, but if you do like it and you like it in your box as well, I mean, take away society standards and that would be super awesome.

00:28:05.000 If you had Ashton Kutcher in your butt and Brad Pitt in your box, I mean, if you were a gal, you'd be so happy.

00:28:14.000 But it would be like, you know, Ashton, get out of there.

00:28:16.000 You're gobbling it all up.

00:28:18.000 Save me some.

00:28:19.000 Why would you want...

00:28:20.000 That's not...

00:28:20.000 Wouldn't you rather have Brad Pitt in there?

00:28:23.000 Why would you share it with Ashton?

00:28:25.000 Well, because you're a freak and you want it all.

00:28:27.000 She has no limitations to her freakness.

00:28:29.000 I have no idea what this Anita porn is.

00:28:31.000 What are you talking about?

00:28:32.000 When I Google it, like that once state was...

00:28:37.000 Nevada.

00:28:38.000 It's just Anita Queen is what the kind of porn is called.

00:28:41.000 I can't figure out what it is.

00:28:42.000 Anita Queen?

00:28:43.000 I don't understand a word of what you're saying.

00:28:45.000 What are you saying?

00:28:46.000 See here?

00:28:48.000 Asian is California.

00:28:50.000 Anita Queen is the...

00:28:52.000 Oh, that's the style of porn?

00:28:54.000 Yeah, and when I look it up, it looks like it's like pageant porn or something.

00:28:58.000 What?

00:28:59.000 I don't know.

00:29:00.000 Oh, that actually is interesting.

00:29:01.000 That was a category of like, you've won the pageant.

00:29:05.000 I'll suck it, you dirty bitch.

00:29:06.000 Like, yeah, you got the queen.

00:29:08.000 You took down the number one gal.

00:29:11.000 No, that's a weird thing, isn't it?

00:29:13.000 It's weird.

00:29:14.000 The categories are weird, like that some dudes only jerk off to anal.

00:29:19.000 They're just like, they can't wait to see some more butt porn.

00:29:21.000 Yeah, put it where you're not supposed to.

00:29:23.000 Woo!

00:29:24.000 You know, like, what the fuck, man?

00:29:27.000 It's weird how that's actually like a category.

00:29:30.000 Yeah, I find myself going into weird categories a lot lately just to mix it up.

00:29:34.000 Kind of like when you drink the same alcohol for so long, you're like, I'm going to try something different.

00:29:37.000 I've been like black chicks getting fucked by big white guys.

00:29:41.000 Is there a lot of that?

00:29:42.000 Yeah, there's tons of that.

00:29:43.000 So, black chicks getting dominated by white guys with big dicks?

00:29:46.000 Yeah, huge dicks.

00:29:47.000 So it's like some, like, you look at this black guy.

00:29:49.000 Yeah.

00:29:50.000 Yeah, you in your face, buddy.

00:29:52.000 Yeah, look at my giant white pecker.

00:29:54.000 Then have them sprint to the girl.

00:29:57.000 How about that?

00:29:58.000 The first guy who gets there gets to fuck her.

00:30:00.000 Be a bunch of white guys jacking off.

00:30:02.000 Oh, come on!

00:30:05.000 Come on, black guy with a big dick.

00:30:07.000 Did you hear this?

00:30:07.000 The sex industry closed down because of AIDS again.

00:30:11.000 Yes, I did hear about that.

00:30:12.000 And the chick, that boner guy, that chick that did a porn.

00:30:16.000 With Wiener.

00:30:17.000 Anthony Wiener, who's the politician.

00:30:19.000 Yeah, she actually did a movie with a guy that has AIDS. Yeah, I read that.

00:30:23.000 She did a movie.

00:30:24.000 Well, the guy was exposed to HIV. He had sex with the girl who had contacted HIV. He had sex with her, but...

00:30:31.000 Allegedly, from what I've read, it's not that easy to transmit from HIV from a woman to a man, that it's much easier for a man to a woman because the man injects fluids into the body.

00:30:43.000 So I don't know if that's true, though.

00:30:45.000 Obviously, I'm not a doctor.

00:30:46.000 But Tommy Morrison is supposedly really sick with AIDS now.

00:30:51.000 He has full-blown AIDS. And they did a story about it recently.

00:30:55.000 Somebody posted it on the underground, and it's really fucking sad.

00:30:59.000 I mean, he's dying.

00:31:00.000 He's on life support system, essentially.

00:31:02.000 He has full-blown AIDS. And they say he got it from a girl.

00:31:08.000 I mean, it might be possible.

00:31:11.000 I do not know.

00:31:13.000 I've heard...

00:31:14.000 Obviously, that's what you always hear.

00:31:16.000 It's not possible for a guy to get it from a girl.

00:31:18.000 You always hear that.

00:31:18.000 But I don't know if that's...

00:31:19.000 I don't think he did anything else unless he got it from a needle.

00:31:22.000 He could have got it from a needle.

00:31:23.000 That's the obvious fucking choice.

00:31:26.000 Well, we were talking about that yesterday with Dwayne Ludwig.

00:31:29.000 We were talking about fighters and pills and pain relief and, you know, fucking, would release pain better than heroin?

00:31:37.000 I mean, is there anything?

00:31:38.000 Right?

00:31:39.000 So for a lot of fighters, they might have started shooting up because the heroin, like, relieving the pain for them was so effective.

00:31:45.000 They don't want to do it that way.

00:31:47.000 Those opiates, you know, that's what it's about.

00:31:49.000 Getting used to needles in general.

00:31:51.000 Well, you know what?

00:31:52.000 If you're a fighter and you're used to getting punched in the face, getting your face stitched up, needles are not going to freak you out.

00:32:00.000 You ain't worried about fucking needles when Stitch is putting your nose back together in the second round and you're going back out there to fight another two fucking rounds or three fucking rounds.

00:32:08.000 Yeah, you do fucking five rounds with Ray Mercer and get KO'd into the ropes like he did.

00:32:14.000 Did you ever see that?

00:32:15.000 No.

00:32:15.000 Tommy Morrison getting knocked out by Ray Mercer is one of the most frightening knockouts I've ever seen in my life.

00:32:20.000 Because, well, first of all, it's frightening because Ray Mercer was a murderous puncher.

00:32:24.000 But it was hilarious for me because I had this friend that would always root for white guys.

00:32:30.000 He would fucking...

00:32:32.000 He wanted white guys to win boxing matches so bad.

00:32:36.000 He never wanted it to be the best fighter.

00:32:38.000 He always wanted it to be the white fighter.

00:32:40.000 So, like, he rooted for Jerry Cooney, and so he got hit here, and Ray Mercer just unloads on him.

00:32:46.000 Yeah.

00:32:48.000 And he gets caught in the ropes, though.

00:32:50.000 Look at this.

00:32:51.000 Like, he's caught in the ropes, and Raymars is teeing off him.

00:32:54.000 That's terrible quality.

00:32:55.000 Is there a better quality version of that?

00:32:57.000 We could see it smooth?

00:32:58.000 Because it was real so choppy.

00:33:00.000 But anyway, it was a frightening, frightening knockout.

00:33:02.000 But once you've done that, you can shoot heroin.

00:33:05.000 And that's 235 PA. Listen, bro.

00:33:08.000 Once you have that pain...

00:33:10.000 And that pain doesn't fucking go away, and that little needle knocks it away.

00:33:14.000 Listen to all those people's stories.

00:33:16.000 That's how it started.

00:33:18.000 You know, that's how it started.

00:33:19.000 And all of a sudden, a rookie's behind you to take your fucking job in football.

00:33:23.000 You just bought your fucking girl a house and a boat.

00:33:26.000 And you bought your parents a boat, and now you're 28, and a 22-year-old All-American is coming in front of you.

00:33:32.000 And you got a little bit of knee pain.

00:33:34.000 And if you complain about it, then you have surgery.

00:33:36.000 And you're out, and then this motherfucker steals your job.

00:33:39.000 What were you going to do?

00:33:40.000 You ain't got time.

00:33:41.000 You do what you need to do.

00:33:42.000 Shoot the cortisone.

00:33:43.000 Shoot the fucking Decker.

00:33:45.000 Shoot the Mecca.

00:33:46.000 Shoot it all.

00:33:47.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:33:48.000 As long as I play, at the end of the season, we'll talk about surgery.

00:33:50.000 Then guess what, dog?

00:33:51.000 At the end of surgery, they meet a fucking guru who says, you don't need surgery.

00:33:55.000 We're going to shoot this in you and that's it.

00:33:59.000 Ray Mercer was a fucking murderous puncher back then.

00:34:02.000 This one right here.

00:34:03.000 Watching that.

00:34:04.000 Right there.

00:34:05.000 All of them.

00:34:06.000 Dude, all of them.

00:34:07.000 Yeah, the one, the left that stiffened him and the right that put him down.

00:34:10.000 And then he hit him two more times, full clip after that.

00:34:13.000 Watch that one more time, just the finishing blows.

00:34:15.000 Because I'm serious, it's one of the most devastating knockouts I've ever seen.

00:34:19.000 Man, if you saw this on TV, when was this?

00:34:21.000 The 70s?

00:34:21.000 Late 70s?

00:34:22.000 Early 80s?

00:34:23.000 Uh, 80s.

00:34:24.000 Here's that right hand.

00:34:25.000 And Bray Mercer was a fucking killer!

00:34:27.000 And he could take it too, man.

00:34:29.000 Bray could take it.

00:34:30.000 Look at these shots.

00:34:31.000 Bing!

00:34:32.000 Bang!

00:34:33.000 Boom!

00:34:33.000 Bam!

00:34:34.000 Bam!

00:34:35.000 Bam!

00:34:36.000 Bam!

00:34:37.000 Bam!

00:34:38.000 Bam!

00:34:39.000 Bam!

00:34:39.000 And two more before he goes down!

00:34:41.000 Look how many times he fucking hit him, man!

00:34:43.000 That's some Game of Maids, those punches, though.

00:34:46.000 He got punched with AIDS. You're not even joking, though.

00:34:49.000 It might have.

00:34:50.000 Doug, that was it.

00:34:51.000 He just got AIDS. Like, something had to happen.

00:34:53.000 He didn't get brain damage when he got AIDS, Doug.

00:34:56.000 Who knows how he got it, but...

00:34:58.000 He must have ate sushi that afternoon and got hit in the head real hard.

00:35:04.000 That's not good for your health.

00:35:06.000 No!

00:35:06.000 That fucked him up!

00:35:07.000 That was it!

00:35:08.000 They did the movie with Stallone and he was done, dog.

00:35:10.000 Yeah, you know, there's some sort of a...

00:35:12.000 He did the movie with Stallone after that, didn't he?

00:35:15.000 I don't know.

00:35:15.000 I think it was before that.

00:35:17.000 Before that, right?

00:35:18.000 That sent him over the fucking top.

00:35:19.000 The movie did?

00:35:20.000 That was the wrong guy.

00:35:21.000 That was like giving a Puerto Rico check on the 5th, dog.

00:35:23.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:35:24.000 Too early, right?

00:35:26.000 Yeah, no.

00:35:26.000 They sent him over the top, dog.

00:35:28.000 Did you imagine being the fucking guy who gets to play Tommy Gunn back in the day?

00:35:33.000 I mean, how does anybody handle that?

00:35:36.000 Rocky Balboa.

00:35:37.000 Yeah, you're a young fighter.

00:35:38.000 I'm playing a guy that Rocky took in with a fucking...

00:35:40.000 It was a horrible fucking...

00:35:42.000 What was the black guy in that movie?

00:35:45.000 Who was the big black guy that did all those movies?

00:35:48.000 Who was Tyson's manager that robbed him?

00:35:51.000 Don King.

00:35:52.000 Don King.

00:35:52.000 Remember the Don King in that movie?

00:35:54.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:55.000 He was the worst.

00:35:56.000 Come on, Tommy!

00:35:57.000 Come with me in a limo.

00:35:58.000 We got whiskey.

00:35:58.000 Oh, that's right.

00:35:59.000 We got whiskey and white women.

00:36:00.000 Yeah.

00:36:02.000 Tommy just got punched in the head with Ray Mercer.

00:36:04.000 What are you going to do?

00:36:05.000 You going to stand there next to Sylvester?

00:36:06.000 Fuck no.

00:36:07.000 Remember he was doing blow in the limo?

00:36:09.000 Get that scene up.

00:36:10.000 Get that scene up when he's doing blow in the limo.

00:36:13.000 She's got those little white milky titties.

00:36:15.000 He's going fucking bananas.

00:36:17.000 Rocky's like, what about when I taught you?

00:36:19.000 Fuck you, bitch.

00:36:20.000 This bitch is banging.

00:36:22.000 It must be incredibly hard to keep your motivation to be a fighter when that happens.

00:36:27.000 Because a fighter, that's like the opposite world of being a fighter.

00:36:30.000 Like, you're in a gigantic blockbuster.

00:36:33.000 You're in a Rocky movie!

00:36:35.000 Back when it means something to be in a Rocky movie.

00:36:38.000 You know, if you're in, like, Rocky tonight, like, if you're in Rocky today...

00:36:40.000 That's what I do!

00:36:42.000 It's all I've ever done!

00:36:44.000 Did you see Rocky Balboa, the last one?

00:36:46.000 No, no, no!

00:36:47.000 Hey, man, if you're into Rocky movies, it's not bad.

00:36:49.000 That's it right there when he leaves.

00:36:50.000 This is the final scene with Rocky and Tommy.

00:36:52.000 Look at the white chick.

00:36:55.000 Oh, this is great in Spanish.

00:37:01.000 And Tommy Morris hitting him square off and there's the shitty Don King.

00:37:06.000 They got big as small his head is.

00:37:11.000 No!

00:37:19.000 Oh, Rocky punched him a bunch of times in the back of the head.

00:37:22.000 Wow, and knocked him down.

00:37:23.000 Tommy's really upset.

00:37:25.000 Oh, wow, he threw at him and Rocky hit him on the way in.

00:37:29.000 Incredible fight here.

00:37:31.000 Wow, Rocky took his legs out.

00:37:32.000 He's going MMA. No ground and pound now?

00:37:37.000 Uh-oh, now Tommy's coming back.

00:37:39.000 Boy, that looks fake.

00:37:40.000 Holy shit, that looks fake.

00:37:42.000 That looks so fake, it should be illegal.

00:37:45.000 That looks so fake, they gave him 20 million.

00:37:47.000 That's how fucking fake so best it is.

00:37:49.000 Oh, he probably made at least 20 million from this movie.

00:37:52.000 This is a huge movie, man.

00:37:54.000 Look at this.

00:37:55.000 Here's the finish.

00:37:56.000 One giant left hook.

00:37:58.000 Look at Don King.

00:37:59.000 Look at Don King.

00:38:01.000 You hit me, I'll sue you.

00:38:12.000 So that's the digital signal that we're allowed to use, the Spanish version?

00:38:16.000 Yeah.

00:38:17.000 We can get away with that?

00:38:18.000 Yeah, you just gotta get the brain juice.

00:38:23.000 So I found the map of the US, and I didn't know where a lot of shit was.

00:38:28.000 I didn't know where a lot of shit was in the weird areas, like the Maine and New Hampshire areas.

00:38:35.000 So hold Joe Rogan, look at me.

00:38:36.000 Joe Rogan, look at me, quick, quick.

00:38:38.000 What's the six states in New England?

00:38:40.000 New Hampshire, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Vermont, Massachusetts.

00:38:46.000 That's it?

00:38:47.000 Rhode Island, Vermont, Massachusetts.

00:38:51.000 Connecticut.

00:38:52.000 Rhode Island, Connecticut.

00:38:54.000 Where's Bob Marley from?

00:38:55.000 Maine.

00:38:56.000 Did I not put Maine?

00:38:57.000 I forgot Maine?

00:38:58.000 I don't know.

00:38:59.000 Is Maine New England?

00:38:59.000 It must be.

00:39:00.000 Yeah, Maine's New England.

00:39:00.000 Maine's got to be New England.

00:39:01.000 Yeah, okay, so I forgot that.

00:39:03.000 And New Hampshire's New England, too, no?

00:39:05.000 Yes, sir.

00:39:05.000 Whoa, those are states?

00:39:06.000 That's the real place.

00:39:08.000 Hey, how dare you?

00:39:09.000 New Hampshire is where I live.

00:39:10.000 Yeah, you don't know.

00:39:11.000 You really are a baby.

00:39:12.000 New Hampshire's where if you don't live close to Boston, you fly into New Hampshire.

00:39:17.000 Yeah.

00:39:18.000 And the fucking flights are dirt cheap.

00:39:20.000 It's like two different fucking worlds to fly into New Hampshire.

00:39:26.000 New Hampshire's filled with a lot of fucking people that don't want to hear the government's bullshit.

00:39:31.000 They're all like those live free or die folks.

00:39:34.000 They have compounds set up.

00:39:36.000 That's on their license plate, live free or die.

00:39:38.000 That's a gangster state.

00:39:40.000 You know?

00:39:41.000 They're, like, up there, too, where you gotta, like, shoot moose to stay alive.

00:39:44.000 When you're north of Boston, you're a silly bitch, okay?

00:39:47.000 What?

00:39:48.000 That's not cold enough for you?

00:39:49.000 You need to go further?

00:39:51.000 Because when we would do gigs in Maine, I'd be like, oh my god, it's colder.

00:39:54.000 Like, we'd be in Boston, and we'd go to Maine to do a gig in December, and it'd be 10 degrees cold.

00:39:59.000 You get out of the car, you're like, I can't believe these motherfuckers live where it's colder than where we live.

00:40:02.000 You ever been somewhere where you look up and you go, how the fuck do people live here?

00:40:06.000 And you make like a mental note like this is the coldest I've ever been.

00:40:10.000 January 5th, 1995. They took me up from Denver, Colorado.

00:40:17.000 I was living in Boulder to do a gig in Cheyenne, Wyoming, Joe Rogan.

00:40:23.000 It had to be 35 fucking below with the windshield.

00:40:28.000 I left the hotel and I asked the guy at the fucking thing, where do you get something to eat?

00:40:33.000 And he looked at me and he goes, maybe 50 yards down, but I wouldn't leave if I was you.

00:40:38.000 And I looked at him like, bitch.

00:40:40.000 And I went out there and started walking.

00:40:42.000 And like 25 minutes in, I was like, it's too cold to walk there?

00:40:48.000 And if I get there, it's going to definitely be too cold to come back.

00:40:52.000 Wow.

00:40:53.000 Like that's hard.

00:40:53.000 I walked and I had chili.

00:40:55.000 I mean, it was horrendous.

00:40:56.000 I had to take your jacket off and I had to sit next to the heater.

00:41:00.000 That was something that...

00:41:03.000 We forget about that.

00:41:05.000 We don't have to deal with that shit here.

00:41:06.000 $350 I got for that gig as a feature act for four shows.

00:41:10.000 That's a good gig.

00:41:11.000 In those days, yes it was.

00:41:12.000 Yeah, that's a good gig.

00:41:13.000 Yes it was.

00:41:14.000 I remember the...

00:41:15.000 I just got an email from John Shuler.

00:41:16.000 I got an email back.

00:41:18.000 I just remembered.

00:41:19.000 But I used to do a lot of Shuler gigs.

00:41:21.000 You know, and they varied, you know, like if you got a good one, it was a couple hundred bucks, maybe more, you know, depending on what kind of bar he set up.

00:41:28.000 Those were great gigs, you know.

00:41:30.000 And some of them were really fun.

00:41:33.000 They had a lot of them.

00:41:35.000 Shuler had a lot of them in Connecticut that were great fucking gigs.

00:41:39.000 Brown, what is it called?

00:41:40.000 Brown Thompson?

00:41:41.000 Is that what it is?

00:41:42.000 Goddammit.

00:41:43.000 A place in Hartford he used to have that was like a really good comedy club.

00:41:47.000 It was the only place in Hartford, because at the time, I think there's an improv in Hartford, Connecticut now, right?

00:41:52.000 Yes, a funny bump.

00:41:54.000 A funny bump, okay.

00:41:55.000 Yeah, there wasn't any back in the day.

00:41:58.000 I want to say it was called Brown Thompson's.

00:42:00.000 It was like a bar.

00:42:01.000 And they used to book the comedy there.

00:42:03.000 And it was like a fucking comedy club.

00:42:05.000 It was like a real club.

00:42:06.000 It was a great gig.

00:42:07.000 Like, people would get excited about that gig.

00:42:09.000 It was a good one.

00:42:10.000 Shuler had them all over the place.

00:42:12.000 Two places where I thought I could possibly get killed doing comedy.

00:42:16.000 Craig, Colorado is heavy fucking duty Colorado.

00:42:19.000 That was the first time ever I got an addendum.

00:42:22.000 What do you call that shit?

00:42:24.000 When you get the paperwork on the gig...

00:42:26.000 And it said, room is known to be active.

00:42:31.000 If anything happens, run to your room and contact the bar manager.

00:42:34.000 Like, that's what it said on the Tribble Run.

00:42:36.000 And the other crazy gig I did was a place called...

00:42:39.000 These civilizations, these cities, had been taken over by the cities, and they didn't give a fuck.

00:42:44.000 It was called Rock Springs, Wyoming.

00:42:47.000 Rock Springs, Wyoming, they had done a thing on 60 Minutes about Rock Springs, how the mob had taken over Rock Springs, Wyoming.

00:42:53.000 And that's where they took wounded hookers from Las Vegas and revamped them and fished their pussies and made them hook small time and they had a strip club.

00:43:01.000 It was like AAA. I'm not kidding you, Doug.

00:43:04.000 Look it up.

00:43:04.000 Rock Springs, Wyoming, 60 Minutes.

00:43:07.000 The feds had to go in and take it back from the local fucking government.

00:43:10.000 What?

00:43:11.000 This is craziness.

00:43:12.000 This shit, they had gambling stuff and Mike, what's his name?

00:43:16.000 Like two of the guys from 60 Minutes went up there and did a report about it.

00:43:19.000 There's some crazy fucking places out there that you'll never know about unless you drive through.

00:43:25.000 I just got an email from a fucking great guy that said he has a room in Billings, Miami, Montana.

00:43:32.000 A 400 seat little theater and he sent me an email.

00:43:36.000 I'm thinking about going up there.

00:43:37.000 Obviously, like in fucking...

00:43:39.000 May, because that's the only month that's fucking warm up there.

00:43:43.000 There's a website called Rock Spring Hookers.

00:43:46.000 Oh, no, no.

00:43:46.000 They don't fuck, but that's not Rock Spring.

00:43:49.000 Wyominghookers.net.

00:43:49.000 There you go.

00:43:50.000 There you go.

00:43:51.000 Dog, they don't fuck around there.

00:43:52.000 It's to a different level.

00:43:54.000 That's where wounded hookers go.

00:43:55.000 They get rehabbed to fix the monkey.

00:43:57.000 They get rid of the chlamydia and the HIV. Ray Mercer takes care of them and punches them.

00:44:03.000 Don't pull it up.

00:44:04.000 Don't pull it up, Brian.

00:44:05.000 Don't put it up.

00:44:06.000 It's pretty disturbing.

00:44:06.000 No.

00:44:07.000 Yeah.

00:44:07.000 Can't do that.

00:44:08.000 What's that?

00:44:09.000 The website.

00:44:10.000 Is it bad?

00:44:10.000 I shouldn't have mentioned the name of it anyway.

00:44:12.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:44:12.000 Who gives a fuck?

00:44:13.000 Pull it up.

00:44:13.000 It's not my fault.

00:44:14.000 No, no, don't.

00:44:15.000 Is it disgusting?

00:44:16.000 Yes.

00:44:16.000 Yes and no, and I don't want you to pull it up.

00:44:18.000 How many bruises they got?

00:44:19.000 I don't think we should...

00:44:19.000 I mean, it's an illegal business.

00:44:22.000 They're going to get in trouble.

00:44:23.000 I don't want them to get in trouble.

00:44:24.000 I think they're providing...

00:44:26.000 No, they don't give a fuck!

00:44:27.000 They're on the internet.

00:44:28.000 But look at the interview.

00:44:29.000 Yeah, but how do you find them?

00:44:31.000 But look at the interview for 60 Minutes.

00:44:32.000 Don't look that up.

00:44:32.000 Please, just look 60 Minutes up.

00:44:34.000 Okay.

00:44:35.000 60 Minutes.

00:44:36.000 60 Minutes, Rock Springs, Wyoming.

00:44:40.000 1992-93.

00:44:41.000 I don't know if it's the same Dom Fig, but we're talking about Dom Fig, the vampire comic.

00:44:46.000 Look at this.

00:44:47.000 There's a guy named Dom Fig that took this fucking picture of a wave hitting the buildings in Connecticut.

00:44:53.000 Holy shit, man.

00:44:55.000 Look at this.

00:44:56.000 This was when Sandy hit.

00:44:58.000 Brian, see that shit?

00:45:00.000 Pull that picture up.

00:45:02.000 It's a photographer awestruck after catching a wave.

00:45:07.000 This is an incredible picture.

00:45:09.000 It's incredible.

00:45:11.000 Because, like, the idea that he was there while this actually happened, like, you shouldn't be anywhere fucking near there.

00:45:17.000 And this crazy asshole's not just there, he's taking pictures.

00:45:20.000 Photographer awestruck after catching a wave is the title.

00:45:24.000 Yeah.

00:45:27.000 This is nuts, man.

00:45:29.000 Did you find it?

00:45:31.000 Okay, go to cpost.com.

00:45:37.000 Or just look up Dom Fig comic and then click on the third link and you'll see...

00:45:42.000 Dominic Fig comic.

00:45:45.000 Dominic Fig comic and then look under the third picture.

00:45:51.000 Dominic Fig comic and look under the third link rather.

00:45:55.000 It'll say Connecticut Post.

00:45:57.000 Okay, here we go.

00:45:58.000 Look at this fucking picture, man.

00:46:00.000 This is insane.

00:46:03.000 I mean, it's insane.

00:46:06.000 It's like, what were they thinking building houses there, first of all?

00:46:09.000 That's, like, beautiful for most of the time, but fuck, man.

00:46:15.000 If there's a possibility...

00:46:16.000 But it didn't matter if you were right in front of the water with this motherfucker, right?

00:46:20.000 Like, they went, like, several blocks in, just destroying everything in its path.

00:46:26.000 It's like, we're so crazy to think that the ocean is going to stay where it is.

00:46:30.000 What a nutty idea to build expensive shit right next to the edge.

00:46:34.000 Like, the edge is right here.

00:46:36.000 This is my spot.

00:46:37.000 Fucking marked it off.

00:46:39.000 This is my house.

00:46:41.000 I'm up on stilts.

00:46:43.000 They put the house right at the water.

00:46:46.000 And the gamble is, how long is the water going to be there?

00:46:50.000 Is it going to stay there for 100 years?

00:46:52.000 Is it going to stay there for 50 years?

00:46:53.000 What's the gamble?

00:46:55.000 And everybody's willing to take that gamble because if you can open up your window and you're there on the ocean like it's a boat, that's fucking amazing.

00:47:03.000 So they take that gamble, park that bitch right next to the rocks, and hope that nothing melts.

00:47:09.000 Yeah, but you'd have a bigger gamble of having a house on the mountain, like with the fires that you had.

00:47:14.000 That's true.

00:47:15.000 Well, fires are everywhere in California.

00:47:17.000 I talked to a firefighter that said there's a real worry, and not of if, but when, that one day one of these motherfucker wildfires that they get is going to catch L.A. And the wind's going to be just right.

00:47:29.000 And he said, it's going to burn right to the beach.

00:47:31.000 I go, you think it'll burn down Hollywood?

00:47:33.000 He goes, I don't think we can stop it.

00:47:35.000 He goes, if you're dealing with the kind of fire that can go that far and is that strong and it's wind-aided and it's just big enough.

00:47:44.000 Because fires can be really, really, really fucking big.

00:47:48.000 You know, it's hard to wrap your head around how big they can be, but they can be so big that you can't fucking control them.

00:47:54.000 All you do is try to contain them, but you can't control them.

00:47:57.000 And if they get that big and they can't cut it off in time and it starts going towards L.A., if it's the right time of year, the right amount of Santa Ana winds kicking in, shit, man.

00:48:08.000 Look what happened last year in New Jersey.

00:48:10.000 I didn't think it happened.

00:48:11.000 Look what's happening right now.

00:48:12.000 Montana.

00:48:14.000 In Phoenix.

00:48:16.000 Or in Arizona, rather.

00:48:17.000 With the dust storm.

00:48:18.000 Somebody told me they were driving back from Vegas on Sunday.

00:48:21.000 And it was fucking scary as shit.

00:48:23.000 Oh, sure.

00:48:25.000 Took them eight and a half hours to get home.

00:48:27.000 Wind, man.

00:48:28.000 The wind and shit.

00:48:29.000 Listen, that's gonna...

00:48:30.000 Everything's getting more extreme.

00:48:32.000 Everything's getting more fucking extreme, brother.

00:48:34.000 The heat's getting more extreme.

00:48:35.000 The cold is getting more extreme.

00:48:37.000 I'm not fucking Al Gore.

00:48:39.000 I'm not going to sit here and tell you all that shit.

00:48:41.000 You're not?

00:48:41.000 No.

00:48:42.000 I thought you didn't know.

00:48:42.000 Podcast's over.

00:48:44.000 I thought you didn't know.

00:48:45.000 I don't know what the fuck's going on, but we evolve.

00:48:48.000 So that means the weather has to fucking evolve.

00:48:50.000 Right.

00:48:50.000 And, you know, 20 years ago, I remember being in Jersey, hanging out, playing wiffle ball, and within three minutes, it would get dark, dog.

00:48:57.000 And all of a sudden, these chunks of fucking hail would come out.

00:49:00.000 You know?

00:49:00.000 But look at now.

00:49:01.000 Now, I went to the shore 80 times.

00:49:04.000 80 fucking thousand times I went to that Jersey shore.

00:49:06.000 Ask me.

00:49:07.000 That I think that it would dissipate like the way Sandy came up.

00:49:10.000 You know what?

00:49:10.000 In three years, guess what?

00:49:11.000 There's going to be another one, Jack.

00:49:13.000 You know those people we see every year?

00:49:15.000 I had a tornado.

00:49:16.000 I ain't leaving.

00:49:17.000 People make a thousand jokes about.

00:49:18.000 That's going to be South Jersey in fucking three years.

00:49:22.000 It's going to be every seven or eight years.

00:49:24.000 Then it's going to go down to fucking every four years.

00:49:26.000 And then 50 years from now, it'll be every fucking eight.

00:49:29.000 You know, that's just the way it is.

00:49:31.000 We evolved, man.

00:49:32.000 Everything moves.

00:49:33.000 Don't they find those dinosaur bones in Montana?

00:49:36.000 Yeah.

00:49:36.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:49:38.000 Didn't they belong to fish or sea bass or whatever the fuck it was?

00:49:41.000 Well, there was a great western inland sea there.

00:49:43.000 There used to be a fucking interior ocean.

00:49:46.000 The thing that's always stunned me about Boulder is the devil's thumb.

00:49:49.000 When you're on baseline, And you're driving close to the university in South Boulder, and you look to your right, and there's a thing that pops out of the fucking mountain.

00:49:57.000 Just this figure.

00:49:59.000 Go ahead, look it up.

00:50:00.000 Boulder, Colorado, the devil's thumb.

00:50:02.000 And it pops up.

00:50:03.000 It makes you fucking think.

00:50:05.000 It makes you fucking...

00:50:06.000 You know, it's the weirdest thing.

00:50:07.000 I hiked up there one time because my dog...

00:50:09.000 Yeah, Hercules went up there and was missing for a night.

00:50:13.000 I went up there and fucking tried to look him down.

00:50:16.000 They got snakes up there, the whole thing.

00:50:18.000 But it makes you think, man, what the fuck was here three million years ago?

00:50:22.000 Not me, so I don't know.

00:50:23.000 I don't have the answer.

00:50:24.000 Did you hear about that kid?

00:50:25.000 There you go.

00:50:25.000 Look at the devil stump.

00:50:27.000 Yeah.

00:50:27.000 Come on now.

00:50:28.000 Right there in baseline when you're driving.

00:50:30.000 Look at that fucking thing.

00:50:32.000 That's a beautiful thing.

00:50:33.000 Did you hear about the kid in Minnesota that got bitten by a wolf?

00:50:37.000 Yes.

00:50:37.000 Wolf bit him in his fucking head while he was sleeping and wouldn't let go.

00:50:41.000 Wolf was trying to eat him.

00:50:43.000 He was sleeping outside the tent.

00:50:45.000 I don't know why.

00:50:48.000 There's other people in the tent.

00:50:49.000 I don't know what the whole story was.

00:50:50.000 But the wolf clamped a hold of his fucking head and wouldn't let go.

00:50:54.000 Can you imagine what a terrifying feeling it is when a wolf, a 75-pound wolf, has clamped a hold of your head while you're sleeping?

00:51:01.000 And this is the first known attack in that state's history that they have documented, I think.

00:51:08.000 Dude, I was in Hawaii, and they bit two fucking people while I was there.

00:51:14.000 One of them died.

00:51:15.000 Are you serious?

00:51:16.000 Yeah.

00:51:16.000 One kid got bit in his leg.

00:51:18.000 He was surfing.

00:51:19.000 He got bit.

00:51:20.000 Another woman got her arm bit off, and she died.

00:51:22.000 The kid lived.

00:51:23.000 The boy lived.

00:51:24.000 Because his friends tied his leg off with a tourniquet and brought him into the hospital really quickly.

00:51:31.000 Yeah, they used a leash, I think.

00:51:34.000 Like a leash for a surfboard.

00:51:36.000 And they tied off his leg and tourniquet, pulled him out of the water.

00:51:39.000 But they saw him.

00:51:40.000 They saw him get attacked by the shark.

00:51:42.000 Bit him in the leg.

00:51:43.000 It's tiger sharks, apparently.

00:51:45.000 And they're trying to figure out now, like the people in Hawaii, they're going to do some studies now.

00:51:50.000 They're going to try to figure out why these tiger sharks are being more aggressive.

00:51:52.000 But there's going to be a lot of issues with wildlife in the ocean as well because these predators don't have as much to eat because we fish so much.

00:52:01.000 We take so much tuna and so many different fish that they survive off of.

00:52:06.000 I would imagine that a lot of fish are going to be in real trouble.

00:52:10.000 Fish that also rely on the fish that we eat.

00:52:12.000 Because we fucking kill everything, man.

00:52:14.000 And all the fish has that fucking shit in it right now from Tokyo.

00:52:18.000 Have you been seeing all that?

00:52:19.000 Yeah, there's a 3% increase, I think they said, in the amount of radiation that they've found in fish.

00:52:26.000 Which is not worrisome as far as health.

00:52:30.000 Apparently you can get away with it a little bit.

00:52:31.000 But the worry is that this could get worse.

00:52:35.000 Yeah, you see that radiation chart where it just shows like in like 15 years we're all pretty much fucked.

00:52:40.000 Fukushima is fucking crazy.

00:52:41.000 Yeah.

00:52:41.000 That's a scary, scary situation.

00:52:43.000 I mean, it's much more scary than it's been, you know, like, oh my god, did you see what Miley Cyrus did on TV? She stuck her tongue out and showed her butt.

00:52:53.000 Meanwhile, there's a fucking hole in the earth that's filled with radioactive shit, and it's leaking into the ocean.

00:52:58.000 I mean, it's really scary.

00:53:00.000 They can't stop it, they can't contain it, and they don't know what the fuck to do.

00:53:04.000 And instead, we're looking at Syria, and we're looking at all these other...

00:53:07.000 Maybe there's threats.

00:53:08.000 Maybe Syria's someplace we really do need to be.

00:53:11.000 Maybe they are using chemical weapons.

00:53:13.000 But for sure, that shit is going down in Fukushima.

00:53:16.000 For fucking sure.

00:53:18.000 There's a real problem there.

00:53:20.000 And TEPCO doesn't know what the fuck to do.

00:53:22.000 And no one in the world has a solution for it.

00:53:25.000 I mean, I don't know what the hell they're going to do.

00:53:27.000 I mean, it's just constantly leaking radioactive waste.

00:53:31.000 And what are the people in Tokyo?

00:53:33.000 What's that going to be like in a decade?

00:53:36.000 It's right down the hill from that fucking place.

00:53:38.000 What is going to happen?

00:53:40.000 Are they going to have any non-radioactive fish?

00:53:44.000 And don't they rely on fish?

00:53:46.000 There's a huge amount of their income and their diet that relies on fish.

00:53:51.000 That's going to be a terrible place.

00:53:54.000 It could be a real issue.

00:53:57.000 They're finding radioactive bunnies, like bunnies that have deformities and shit that live there.

00:54:01.000 They're born with no ears.

00:54:03.000 There's like all sorts of weird shit going down near there.

00:54:05.000 Yeah, what if the fish start turning into like these tiger sharks are eating these fish and stuff and it's in the water and it starts becoming what, like a zombie shark?

00:54:15.000 I mean, like, that's, like, real, you know?

00:54:18.000 Listen to that statement, and imagine that used in court against you.

00:54:21.000 I mean, like, these fish are gonna...

00:54:23.000 Imagine, like, you trying to argue that you're smart, and then, like, okay, now, that's real.

00:54:28.000 It's like fish sharknado.

00:54:30.000 Zombie fish, Sharknado.

00:54:32.000 If the fish become some mutant kind of animals...

00:54:36.000 That could happen.

00:54:39.000 I don't think that's really how things mutate.

00:54:41.000 Life isn't a fucking comic book, son.

00:54:44.000 But yeah, in a comic book, that would become Godzilla.

00:54:47.000 It would become the creature from the Black Lagoon or some shit.

00:54:51.000 You thought it was made?

00:54:53.000 No, Godzilla was a creation because of the atomic bombs, supposedly.

00:54:57.000 The US drops atomic bombs on Japan and then Godzilla is born because of the radiation.

00:55:02.000 Like all those animals, those giant animals, Mothra, all that shit, Rodan.

00:55:06.000 I believe maybe Rodan was from space.

00:55:08.000 So it's coming true.

00:55:10.000 Well, that was the idea.

00:55:11.000 No, it's not coming true.

00:55:12.000 Just some fucking sharks bit some people.

00:55:14.000 Those are good movies that you saw the string, and it fucked your world up.

00:55:17.000 You're like, fuck!

00:55:18.000 The Mothra string?

00:55:19.000 Yeah, the Mothra string and shit.

00:55:21.000 Wow!

00:55:22.000 Wow!

00:55:23.000 Remember when ABC? It looks so bad today.

00:55:25.000 Fucking ABC would do Monster Week at 4.30, the after-school movie.

00:55:29.000 4.30, after Dark Shadows, you threw some fucking heat, Jack.

00:55:32.000 Yeah.

00:55:33.000 Pull up some videos of Godzilla.

00:55:34.000 Oh, Godzilla vs.

00:55:35.000 the Smog Monster.

00:55:37.000 That's who the baddest one was.

00:55:38.000 Godzilla vs.

00:55:39.000 the Smog Monster.

00:55:40.000 You remember when it was King Kong vs.

00:55:42.000 Godzilla and they had to make King Kong the same size?

00:55:44.000 That was always very disappointing to me when I was a boy that I found out how much smaller King Kong was than Godzilla.

00:55:50.000 It wasn't even close.

00:55:50.000 Godzilla's like 500 feet high.

00:55:52.000 King Kong's 50 feet high.

00:55:54.000 50 feet high ain't shit when you're dealing with Godzilla, but in Godzilla vs.

00:55:58.000 King Kong, all of a sudden, King Kong's huge.

00:56:00.000 That's a good little fucking jam, too.

00:56:02.000 Blue Oyster Coat.

00:56:03.000 Godzilla!

00:56:04.000 Oh, no.

00:56:05.000 There goes Tokyo.

00:56:07.000 Go, go, Godzilla!

00:56:09.000 Yeah, that was Blue Oyster Coat, right?

00:56:10.000 Yeah.

00:56:10.000 Yeah, look.

00:56:11.000 The smoke wakes him up.

00:56:13.000 Those movies were...

00:56:15.000 People today can't understand how awesome those movies are.

00:56:19.000 Play that movie.

00:56:20.000 People don't understand how amazing these movies were.

00:56:24.000 It's LA versus Tokyo.

00:56:26.000 Look how bad this is.

00:56:28.000 This is incredible.

00:56:33.000 Oh, that's when he became the smog monster, remember?

00:56:35.000 And he flies around just blowing poison smog on people.

00:56:39.000 Chemtrails, bro.

00:56:40.000 Yeah, he was the original Chemtrails.

00:56:43.000 The Smog Monster.

00:56:44.000 Look, everybody, look how bad the fucking special effects are.

00:56:47.000 Oh my god, it's amazing.

00:56:51.000 Oh, so good.

00:56:55.000 What people don't understand is when you were a kid, or when I was a kid, rather, and we would watch this, we would have to be, you had to suspend disbelief.

00:57:05.000 You were just amazed that they could show you any visual representation of a gigantic lizard.

00:57:10.000 Like, anything that remotely looked like it, you were willing to accept.

00:57:14.000 Like, look at that!

00:57:15.000 Look how bad that is!

00:57:16.000 But we were willing to accept it.

00:57:18.000 Because we knew that up until then...

00:57:21.000 That was the best.

00:57:22.000 That was the best.

00:57:23.000 That was it.

00:57:23.000 Like, if you go to the original King Kong, and the original King Kong, the difference between the way the Japanese did it and the way Ray Harryhausen did it, I think it was Ray Harryhausen, I might have made that up, but the animator, they used to do it frame by frame.

00:57:37.000 They would just move the clay a little, take a picture, move the clay a little, take a picture, move the clay a little, take a picture.

00:57:42.000 It took fucking forever.

00:57:44.000 But they would have these elaborate fight scenes with these clay animals that they created.

00:57:49.000 So King Kong fighting against dinosaurs, that shit took forever.

00:57:55.000 And look what it looked like.

00:57:57.000 Look how fucking fake it looks.

00:58:00.000 Look, it moves around.

00:58:01.000 Wow.

00:58:01.000 That looked like I hurt.

00:58:03.000 Yeah.

00:58:03.000 It's like people got fucked up.

00:58:04.000 Somebody really died.

00:58:05.000 But look, it barely even looks like it's there.

00:58:07.000 Like, play that.

00:58:07.000 It barely even looks like it's there.

00:58:09.000 Like, there's a guy in front of it, and he's looking at it.

00:58:12.000 What are you doing?

00:58:13.000 I can barely see him.

00:58:14.000 Look at that.

00:58:16.000 It's weird.

00:58:17.000 And look at the fucking special effects.

00:58:19.000 What was King Kong?

00:58:20.000 It was like 1936 or some shit?

00:58:22.000 33?

00:58:23.000 Wow.

00:58:24.000 So back then, this was the greatest fucking thing the world had ever known.

00:58:29.000 You can't believe they even pulled this off.

00:58:32.000 I mean, the special effects for back then were unbelievably incredible.

00:58:37.000 People were so excited to see this.

00:58:40.000 When you look at King Kong itself, Like show King Kong itself.

00:58:46.000 Like when you see him.

00:58:48.000 Where's King Kong?

00:58:49.000 The guy's getting up.

00:58:51.000 They're trying to figure out what happened.

00:58:55.000 Look how fake this looks.

00:58:57.000 It's a lizard.

00:58:58.000 But this is a real lizard though.

00:59:01.000 I think they just stuck a real lizard in there.

00:59:03.000 Nope.

00:59:04.000 That's animated too.

00:59:05.000 Wow.

00:59:07.000 Sometimes they would do that, though.

00:59:08.000 They would have a movie, and they would have a real lizard, and you could tell the lizard was nowhere near them in real life.

00:59:13.000 But they'd be like, oh, look!

00:59:15.000 And they would just insert this giant fucking lizard in the back.

00:59:19.000 How weird must it have been to act in these movies?

00:59:22.000 Okay, there's a spider.

00:59:24.000 It's 16 feet tall.

00:59:25.000 It's coming at you now.

00:59:25.000 Run!

00:59:27.000 Look at him.

00:59:28.000 He's scrambling, and then they have to add in this killer spider.

00:59:32.000 This is nuts.

00:59:35.000 Look how bad it looks when they pick up someone and they're getting bit.

00:59:43.000 This is so stupid.

00:59:44.000 Watch out.

01:00:05.000 Yeah, for a while, it was just...

01:00:11.000 Just movies, right?

01:00:13.000 TV probably came a long time.

01:00:15.000 I thought it was fucking radio.

01:00:16.000 I thought the Green Hornet was a radio show and all that shit.

01:00:25.000 Bitch.

01:00:33.000 Huh.

01:00:34.000 Okay, so apparently there's not a single thing.

01:00:38.000 There's not a single thing that you can point to.

01:00:42.000 Because there's a lot of shit that got invented that related to the invention of the television.

01:00:47.000 Can you imagine sitting around with a bunch of people and your family and listening to the Green Hornet?

01:00:50.000 That'd be awesome.

01:00:51.000 Amazing.

01:00:52.000 8 to 9 every Friday night, and then Wednesday was something else, and Thursday was comedy night.

01:00:57.000 They'd have, like, not Jackie Gleason, but the other guy, like...

01:01:03.000 It happened in 1862 was the first still image that was transferred.

01:01:09.000 And this guy had something called a pan telegraph.

01:01:12.000 So he transferred a picture by telegraph This thing, or this electronic thing, transferred.

01:01:20.000 They became the first person to transmit a still image over wires.

01:01:24.000 Fuck, man.

01:01:25.000 They figured that out in 1862. You know how crazy that is?

01:01:28.000 Slavery became illegal in 1865. So while they were still slaves, someone had figured out how to send a photo over wire.

01:01:38.000 Fuck.

01:01:39.000 Remember when the telegram was huge?

01:01:42.000 Do you remember that?

01:01:43.000 When you were a kid, the telegram was huge.

01:01:45.000 They had a huge commercial.

01:01:45.000 Yeah, Western Union.

01:01:46.000 Western Union was huge.

01:01:48.000 You had to go to Western Union and then pay cash.

01:01:50.000 Then they got the credit card, and that was the beginning of the ending.

01:01:53.000 Shit, that was the beginning of the ending.

01:01:54.000 This is incredible stuff, man.

01:01:57.000 In 1873, scientists May and Smith experiment with selenium and light, and this reveals the possibility for inventors to transform images into electronic signals.

01:02:10.000 How the fuck did they figure that out?

01:02:11.000 I mean, think about how nutty that is.

01:02:13.000 These dudes are riding horses.

01:02:15.000 And some motherfucker figured out how to...

01:02:19.000 Turn images into electronic signals so that you can send them over...

01:02:25.000 Look how fucking stupid I am hundreds of years later.

01:02:27.000 What was the first picture of porn?

01:02:29.000 Probably his dick.

01:02:30.000 Probably a guy who sent some chick a picture of his dick.

01:02:33.000 His poop.

01:02:34.000 Look at my poop, fine lady.

01:02:35.000 It was some crafty cat.

01:02:38.000 It's like, this bitch has got to see my dick.

01:02:39.000 If she sees my dick, it's on!

01:02:41.000 Right now she wants to stay in Philadelphia, so fuck!

01:02:44.000 What do I do?

01:02:45.000 I'm in New Mexico.

01:02:47.000 Sending pictures of your slaves.

01:02:49.000 This is amazing stuff, man.

01:02:52.000 So in 1900, they called it television.

01:02:55.000 At the World's Fair in Paris, the first International Congress of Electricity was held, and that is where Russian Konstantin Persky made the first known use of the word television.

01:03:11.000 So it was invented by a Russian gentleman.

01:03:14.000 Or the word was, at least.

01:03:16.000 Amazing.

01:03:17.000 You know, when you go back and think about dudes that were inventing like really mind-blowing shit, like back in the 1800s or the 50s, you know, even earlier than that, like the dude who figured out the printing press.

01:03:29.000 Yeah, but you know how much shit you didn't have, like, fucking interfering with you?

01:03:32.000 Like, you didn't have internet, you didn't have TV, you didn't have...

01:03:35.000 You had to invent shit.

01:03:36.000 You had to go to the woods.

01:03:37.000 What about the guy who invented meth?

01:03:38.000 How, he didn't get no credit?

01:03:40.000 The guy who invented meth?

01:03:41.000 How about that fucking poor bastard?

01:03:41.000 Oh, I give him credit every day.

01:03:43.000 That guy was awesome.

01:03:43.000 That fucking poor soul in a trailer had no money for drugs and just started putting shit together.

01:03:49.000 When I saw that on Discovery, I was blown the fuck away, people.

01:03:53.000 Who was it that invented meth?

01:03:54.000 Was it one dude?

01:03:55.000 I don't know, but putting a battery, the core of a battery, cold medicine, just, just, are you fucking kidding me?

01:04:04.000 Like, what did you come up with?

01:04:05.000 Who gave you this recipe?

01:04:08.000 Wasn't meth used in, like, World War II? The story was that the Hitler troops used it, and they used it on the Japanese kamikaze pilots to get them to be willing to slam.

01:04:18.000 But it was speed.

01:04:19.000 I don't know if it's the shit that they have now in a tub that the Sons of Anarchy sells.

01:04:24.000 I don't fucking know.

01:04:25.000 I'm just telling you, what the fuck, you know what I mean?

01:04:28.000 Yeah, it's not a new drug.

01:04:30.000 It was first made in 1887. Again, 1887. Yeah.

01:04:39.000 Some dude wanted to send a picture of his dick to some chick, so before he could invent the camera and get the electronic wave, he had to stay up for a week to fucking do it.

01:04:46.000 I'm sorry, that was just amphetamines.

01:04:49.000 So amphetamines for 1887. Methamphetamine, which was more potent and easy to make, was developed in Japan in 1919. The crystalline powder was soluble in water, making it a perfect candidate for injection.

01:05:04.000 Methamphetamine went into wide use during World War II. When both sides used it to keep troops awake.

01:05:12.000 Holy fucking shit.

01:05:14.000 High doses were given to Japanese kamikaze pilots before their suicide missions.

01:05:19.000 And after the war, methamphetamine abuse by injection reached epidemic proportions when supplies stored for military use became available to the Japanese public.

01:05:31.000 Man.

01:05:32.000 In 1950s, methamphetamine was prescribed as a diet aid and to fight depression.

01:05:38.000 Easily available.

01:05:39.000 It was used as a non-medical stimulant by college students, truck drivers, and athletes, and the abuse of the drug spread.

01:05:46.000 Holy shit!

01:05:48.000 Did you know that?

01:05:49.000 They used to prescribe methamphetamines for depression?

01:05:54.000 Well, it probably worked.

01:05:55.000 It's a backdoor, yeah.

01:05:58.000 Well, that was in the Liberace movie.

01:05:59.000 Yeah.

01:06:00.000 Remember the California diet?

01:06:01.000 He gave him some form of amphetamines.

01:06:04.000 You know what's crazy?

01:06:05.000 When I was growing up, there was this crazy kid on the block, and he had whatever they diagnosed a den as ADD, but they used to give him speed to calm him down.

01:06:15.000 Right.

01:06:16.000 He used to jump off his own roof.

01:06:18.000 Why would you do that?

01:06:19.000 Yeah, well, they say that's with Ritalin.

01:06:23.000 This was way before Ritalin.

01:06:25.000 His sister used to sell him his Black Beauties.

01:06:28.000 Oh, really?

01:06:28.000 Yeah.

01:06:29.000 They had this kid on some heavy-duty shit.

01:06:31.000 I used to go to East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania and buy 1,000 Black Beauties for $35.

01:06:37.000 What is exactly a black beauty?

01:06:39.000 It was these little fucking black things they made in the 70s, and they were the original diet pill.

01:06:44.000 And it was an amphetamine?

01:06:45.000 An amphetamine.

01:06:46.000 Do you know what kind it was?

01:06:47.000 No.

01:06:48.000 Who gives a fuck?

01:06:49.000 They were $35 for a thousand.

01:06:50.000 I sold them for a hundred.

01:06:52.000 A thousand?

01:06:52.000 $35 for a thousand?

01:06:54.000 And I would sell them for $35 to $100 to the wrestlers.

01:06:57.000 You know what's really interesting?

01:07:14.000 You talking about that and you talking about selling, bootlegging these illegal drugs.

01:07:20.000 It's like, it depends on how much money you make and what you do with that money, whether or not you become legitimate.

01:07:26.000 I was a junior in high school.

01:07:27.000 But what I'm saying is like, I know, but look at the Kennedys.

01:07:30.000 The Kennedys did the exact same thing.

01:07:32.000 The Kennedys became legitimate.

01:07:33.000 They became a very wealthy and established family for moonshine.

01:07:37.000 They were selling drugs.

01:07:38.000 They were selling liquid drugs that were illegal, but they did the right thing with all the money.

01:07:44.000 They got a hold of it, invested it in politics, started getting, I mean, they had a lot of fucking money.

01:07:50.000 And then, you know, they got out of it once it became legal or something.

01:07:53.000 I mean, I don't know how the fuck they transitioned out of bootlegging it, but that's like the known history of Joe Kennedy, right?

01:08:00.000 The father.

01:08:02.000 The father was like, he was a moonshine runner, which is kind of crazy.

01:08:06.000 I mean, how much different is that, really, than you selling these black beauties?

01:08:10.000 It's really no different, like, morally or ethically.

01:08:13.000 It's the same thing.

01:08:14.000 So, like, if you had stuck with the black beauty business and then got into politics later, I mean, that would have been acceptable.

01:08:23.000 Let me tell you something.

01:08:24.000 Those were...

01:08:25.000 That was right after my mom died, and I was like crazy.

01:08:28.000 And I would go on Saturdays with this kid, Nick Biamonte.

01:08:32.000 He was a football player up there, and he would pick me up.

01:08:34.000 We'd drive like an hour and a half, and we'd go into this room with these college kids that looked like they were 40. And that's all they did all week was make different things.

01:08:44.000 And they would make acid, blotter acid, paper.

01:08:48.000 They would make four-way acid, they would make little mescaline, and they would make black beauties.

01:08:53.000 And that's what they did all week.

01:08:55.000 And their parents thought they were going to school.

01:08:58.000 These, you know, before the computer nerd, this is what nerds did.

01:09:01.000 Right.

01:09:01.000 These kids were probably millionaires.

01:09:03.000 I remember them having Z-28s were big.

01:09:06.000 Remember Z-28s in 1980?

01:09:08.000 Irox.

01:09:08.000 They both had Irox with the cut moon dish that came out.

01:09:13.000 Oh, yeah, the T-Root.

01:09:13.000 Yeah, no, these guys were making money, guys.

01:09:16.000 Meanwhile, I remember them going, our dad sends his money.

01:09:18.000 We don't go to class.

01:09:20.000 We pay rent.

01:09:21.000 They had a gambling thing during the week.

01:09:23.000 Yeah.

01:09:23.000 These kids were banging it.

01:09:24.000 They were crazy little fucking...

01:09:27.000 I don't even know what they were.

01:09:28.000 Irish kids.

01:09:28.000 I remember the T-Tops thing.

01:09:29.000 Yeah, the T-Top and Ted Nugent and we'd go and they'd show us.

01:09:33.000 These guys had a garage with jars of Black Beauty's jars.

01:09:37.000 That was their mainstay and then everything else they made as they went along.

01:09:42.000 Like, this week we'll make blotter acid.

01:09:43.000 This week we'll make four-way acid.

01:09:45.000 This week we'll make windowpane acid.

01:09:49.000 Just a complete different world.

01:09:51.000 Do you remember when everybody had that Trans Am just like Burt Reynolds with the eagle on the hood?

01:09:56.000 Yes.

01:09:56.000 There was a giant eagle sticker.

01:09:58.000 It was important to have that sticker.

01:10:00.000 Pull that bitch up.

01:10:02.000 Pull that Burt Reynolds Trans Am.

01:10:05.000 That eagle sticker is important, man.

01:10:07.000 I knew a dude who had one rebuilt.

01:10:10.000 It was for a TV show.

01:10:13.000 And they had to get that sticker, man.

01:10:15.000 That was a big part of it, was putting that sticker on.

01:10:18.000 They had to get it recreated.

01:10:20.000 Because they restored the entire car.

01:10:22.000 I remember how big of a feud it was.

01:10:25.000 That's not the one, though.

01:10:25.000 It goes back more.

01:10:28.000 The cooler one has exposed headlights.

01:10:30.000 I remember the big feud when two people got on IROC in the same neighborhood.

01:10:34.000 That became a feud.

01:10:35.000 You had to throw down.

01:10:36.000 So one guy would park across the street, and you would park across the street facing the other direction, and whoever had the loudest stereo and the hottest chick horn.

01:10:45.000 You'd be listening to Aldo fucking Nova.

01:10:48.000 Life is just a fantasy.

01:10:50.000 Have you seen that video lately?

01:10:52.000 When you've got a minute at home tonight, put the video on from the beginning.

01:10:56.000 No, that's not the one either because it's got to be the one with the exposed headlights.

01:11:01.000 These are all like new versions.

01:11:03.000 That's the one.

01:11:04.000 That's the real one.

01:11:05.000 That's the Burt Reynolds jammy right there.

01:11:07.000 Look how badass that car was.

01:11:10.000 Look how badass that car was.

01:11:12.000 I think people who are not male cannot understand that.

01:11:15.000 You show that to a woman, especially a mature woman.

01:11:19.000 But someone who's been to college, they're going to look at that and go, what the fuck are you?

01:11:23.000 What?

01:11:24.000 Go back to that picture.

01:11:25.000 It would be cool to have that black on silver, where you could only see it silver-wise.

01:11:31.000 I was looking for a better one.

01:11:32.000 Well, there's, there's, um, people have done like little custom ones.

01:11:36.000 I remember that.

01:11:37.000 I'd seen some, some custom, really cool spray painted ones, you know, like, um, what's it called?

01:11:42.000 Air gun.

01:11:43.000 Well, those are like air gun artists.

01:11:45.000 Remember that?

01:11:45.000 They used to do those, uh, oh, that's a pretty dope one.

01:11:48.000 Remember they used to do, like, vans?

01:11:50.000 And on the side of vans would be, like, some fucking, like, a Conan scene.

01:11:54.000 Like a dude.

01:11:55.000 Yeah, it was airbrushed, right?

01:11:56.000 There was a dude with a sword and, you know, like, fucking women, like, Frank Frazetta style.

01:12:02.000 Do you remember that?

01:12:03.000 Like, that was a big thing.

01:12:04.000 Those vans.

01:12:05.000 To have a bar in there, you were perfect.

01:12:07.000 Yes!

01:12:08.000 Velour and shit.

01:12:09.000 Why go to a hotel?

01:12:10.000 With the little windows in the back and they had, like, a moonroof.

01:12:13.000 Dog, we could smoke in here.

01:12:15.000 Pop the moonroof.

01:12:16.000 That was like big time.

01:12:17.000 Yeah, the moonroof was huge.

01:12:18.000 The moonroof was fucking huge.

01:12:20.000 And what kind of artwork you had on the side of your van was fucking huge.

01:12:23.000 And it was all ugly.

01:12:24.000 You look at the clay and you go, what the fuck was I thinking?

01:12:27.000 A fucking Japanese guy with a hammer with a fish in his hand.

01:12:31.000 Look at that sexy bitch.

01:12:33.000 I'm going to pull this up.

01:12:34.000 Van with airbrush artwork.

01:12:36.000 There's a couple guys in Burbank that have that.

01:12:38.000 Oh, really?

01:12:39.000 They airbrush vans, and they'll change them all the time.

01:12:42.000 The latest one was Wonder Woman.

01:12:44.000 She looked like a Mexican Wonder Woman.

01:12:46.000 Dude, go to that.

01:12:48.000 Go to van with airbrush artwork.

01:12:52.000 It's still going strong.

01:12:54.000 There's still some fucking cool pictures out there.

01:12:56.000 You just got to find these guys.

01:12:58.000 Oh, they still do it.

01:12:59.000 Definitely.

01:13:00.000 I didn't know.

01:13:01.000 I hadn't seen one in a long time.

01:13:03.000 I've seen cool shit on tour buses and stuff.

01:13:08.000 This is the kind of shit that is by me at my house.

01:13:10.000 This is what it looks like.

01:13:12.000 That's awesome!

01:13:13.000 Come on, man.

01:13:14.000 How awesome is that?

01:13:16.000 Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, C-3PO, aliens.

01:13:20.000 That's pretty badass.

01:13:22.000 But there's a lot of them, yeah.

01:13:26.000 Someone's got to have a Frank Frazetta out there.

01:13:28.000 I bet if I look up Frazetta, Airbrook Frazetta.

01:13:34.000 That guy had, in my opinion, like the, yeah, well, yeah, somebody's got something here.

01:13:40.000 What is that?

01:13:40.000 Does that look like a Frazetta?

01:13:43.000 That guy had the best, like, fantasy art when you were a kid.

01:13:47.000 Did you like Frank Frazetta?

01:13:49.000 Do you remember those paintings?

01:13:50.000 No.

01:13:51.000 You know who he is?

01:13:51.000 No.

01:13:52.000 Did you ever get into books or comic books or any shit like that when you were young?

01:13:55.000 A couple months.

01:13:56.000 I was big into...

01:13:58.000 I was into Marvel, like, the four...

01:14:00.000 What was it?

01:14:00.000 Marvel Comics?

01:14:02.000 Fantastic Four.

01:14:02.000 Fantastic Four?

01:14:03.000 I liked the Silver Surfer.

01:14:05.000 And the only reason...

01:14:06.000 It was a long fucking story.

01:14:07.000 I was into like nine, ten months.

01:14:10.000 We'd go to the festivals in the city and we'd try to buy Batman 3 or some shit.

01:14:15.000 Yeah.

01:14:16.000 It was just a couple months that I went off to deep end.

01:14:18.000 There was no, no, no more fucking comic books.

01:14:20.000 Now it's all Spongebob 24-7.

01:14:23.000 No fucking comic books.

01:14:24.000 He turned around and came right back to it.

01:14:26.000 For me, I was really into those fantasy artists, like Frazetta.

01:14:33.000 I'm trying to think of some of the other names.

01:14:35.000 There's a bunch of other names of guys who are really famous for that.

01:14:40.000 But Frazetta was my favorite because I was such a big fan of the Conan series, and he did a lot of the artwork.

01:14:48.000 Pull some of those pictures up, man.

01:14:50.000 They're incredible.

01:14:53.000 He just, it's just like that, to me, like symbolized that kind of, that genre of book.

01:15:00.000 Did you ever have a van, Joey?

01:15:02.000 A van?

01:15:03.000 Yeah.

01:15:04.000 No.

01:15:04.000 I drove a van for a construction, no, a hardware company for about six weeks.

01:15:10.000 Oh, yeah?

01:15:11.000 And then, yeah, I got fired.

01:15:13.000 They're still there.

01:15:13.000 They're still fucking there.

01:15:15.000 Really?

01:15:15.000 The hardware store on Fairview Avenue.

01:15:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:15:18.000 When you go back and look at some shit from your childhood, it's strange when you see stuff that's still there.

01:15:23.000 The guy's still fucking there.

01:15:24.000 I got arrested January 29, 1983. Really?

01:15:29.000 I got caught for possession of stolen tools, you know, like stolen property, like to do crime type shit.

01:15:36.000 I went out on bail.

01:15:39.000 I paid a fine.

01:15:40.000 I was on probation for six months or something like that.

01:15:42.000 And that was it.

01:15:44.000 It was dumb as fuck.

01:15:45.000 But I worked at that lumberyard.

01:15:46.000 And I had a good little job over there.

01:15:48.000 I was a delivery driver.

01:15:49.000 I could make my own little stops.

01:15:51.000 At that time, I was doing a false, like a settlement-type deal, so I had to go to the chiropractor.

01:15:57.000 That gave me time to go to the chiropractor and all that shit every day.

01:16:01.000 It was like $2.50 a week, and I worked six days a week.

01:16:05.000 Wow.

01:16:06.000 And I had to drive through the Meadowlands and different construction sites and drop off tools and linoleum and screws and nails.

01:16:14.000 There's the shit you do.

01:16:16.000 I drove a van when I was about...

01:16:19.000 I guess I was about 18. I had a van for a while for delivering newspapers.

01:16:23.000 I bought like a second car.

01:16:25.000 Because newspapers would fuck up my suspension.

01:16:27.000 Like everybody who delivered newspapers, your suspension got fucked up by the Sunday paper.

01:16:31.000 Because it's so much weight.

01:16:33.000 Because you'd fill up your fucking trunk.

01:16:35.000 With newspapers, and then you'd put them in the back seat, you'd stuff them in the front seat, all the way up to the ceiling.

01:16:40.000 So you were driving around, like, almost completely blind on the right-hand side.

01:16:43.000 It was very tricky, like, looking around at where you were going.

01:16:46.000 And so after a while, I made a little bit of cash with this fucking venture.

01:16:50.000 And like me, I'm always thinking of expanding.

01:16:52.000 I got a van.

01:16:54.000 I bought this big-ass cargo van with no windows.

01:16:57.000 I used wagons.

01:16:57.000 And then I expanded my route.

01:16:59.000 I was using red wagons.

01:17:01.000 Well, I had to figure out a way to make enough money that I didn't have to do anything else while I was competing.

01:17:06.000 And so the only way I could really think of before I made money on teaching was delivering newspapers.

01:17:11.000 That was the only thing that made sense to me.

01:17:13.000 Because it was several hours a day, like three or four hours a day.

01:17:16.000 But when it was done, it was done.

01:17:17.000 And that's it.

01:17:18.000 There was no boss to answer to.

01:17:19.000 As long as I delivered the papers to where they were supposed to go, there was no problems.

01:17:22.000 And I was good at it.

01:17:23.000 I did it every day.

01:17:24.000 And it taught me discipline.

01:17:25.000 Like, having something that you have to do 365 days a year makes you fucking do it.

01:17:30.000 Just do it, you know?

01:17:32.000 Don't even think about it.

01:17:33.000 Fucking do it.

01:17:34.000 It's part of your life.

01:17:35.000 You just get up and do it.

01:17:36.000 I applied for a paper route one time.

01:17:38.000 Like, going to the 8th grade, I wanted to be a goody-good whatever boy.

01:17:41.000 A goody-good.

01:17:42.000 And I applied for a paper route, like, in July.

01:17:44.000 This motherfucker calls me, like, Thanksgiving week.

01:17:48.000 And I don't even think about it.

01:17:49.000 I go, okay.

01:17:50.000 And he goes, you got to pick up.

01:17:50.000 And it was 43rd Street Hill.

01:17:52.000 This is a hill and a half.

01:17:53.000 This is one of those hills in my hometown.

01:17:55.000 They compare to that San Francisco hill.

01:17:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:59.000 And Joe Rogan.

01:17:59.000 Lombard Street?

01:18:00.000 I walk over there, and it's fucking, you know, 18 inches of snow, that East Coast snow.

01:18:05.000 And I got to walk.

01:18:06.000 And for three weeks, I had to break through that fucking thing.

01:18:09.000 Go over there at 4 in the afternoon.

01:18:11.000 It's freezing.

01:18:12.000 The sun comes down there.

01:18:13.000 You're fucking freezing.

01:18:14.000 I'm delivering paper, knocking on people's doors with that loop with the people's fucking cards in it.

01:18:20.000 Nobody had one of those things.

01:18:21.000 You had a circle loop, and you had people's addresses.

01:18:24.000 When they paid your last, they were good tippers.

01:18:27.000 You had all that shit on it, and I remember after three weeks just quitting, going, dog, I ain't doing this shit no more.

01:18:31.000 That hell's a motherfucker.

01:18:33.000 I go work for my mother and make that one fucking day what I'm making for you.

01:18:36.000 40 bucks.

01:18:37.000 I gotta hustle six days a week.

01:18:40.000 I go into my mother's for one day.

01:18:41.000 I play with a ball.

01:18:42.000 I eat fucking Chinese food and I come home with fucking 50, 60. Get the fuck out of here.

01:18:47.000 I'm gonna walk up and down the hill.

01:18:49.000 Fuck you.

01:18:50.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:18:51.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:18:52.000 I learned how to drive in the snow, man.

01:18:55.000 That's what I learned.

01:18:55.000 I was driving in the snow all winter long because I drove every day.

01:18:59.000 I drove every day.

01:19:01.000 So if it snowed, I fucking drove.

01:19:03.000 So I got so used to getting stuck, I'd get stuck everywhere.

01:19:06.000 I'd slide into trees.

01:19:08.000 I fucked up a lot of cars.

01:19:11.000 My record was terrible.

01:19:13.000 By the time I moved to New York, it was really hard for me to get insurance.

01:19:17.000 I had a gang of accidents.

01:19:19.000 I was a horrible driver.

01:19:21.000 Then I made the mistake of moving to Aspen.

01:19:25.000 And you think you know what the fuck you're doing until there's black ice on that motherfucker.

01:19:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:30.000 And you're going down the road listening to fucking Joe Welsh, you know, Rocky Mountain High.

01:19:34.000 And all of a sudden your car just goes like this red band.

01:19:37.000 Just goes, shish.

01:19:38.000 And off that shish, this back just starts fucking spinning.

01:19:41.000 You just go into a tailspin.

01:19:43.000 You don't know what the fuck to do.

01:19:44.000 Just go into a fucking tailspin, man.

01:19:46.000 Yeah.

01:19:46.000 And right there you're like, oh, I gotta learn how to drive and pay fucking attention.

01:19:50.000 This is a complete...

01:19:51.000 I hit so many fucking cars, Joe Rogan.

01:19:53.000 Of course.

01:19:54.000 I dented so many cars.

01:19:56.000 I'm in Seattle.

01:19:57.000 I was a car salesman.

01:19:58.000 They used to give me a car.

01:20:00.000 I would take the car at night and go to gigs, to one-nighters, and I'd lose fucking hubcaps.

01:20:05.000 Oh, my God.

01:20:06.000 That was horrible.

01:20:07.000 There's a terrible, terrible, terrible video, not this one, of some people going down a road, and they lose control of their car, and they hit a truck head-on.

01:20:17.000 Ugh.

01:20:17.000 It's crazy.

01:20:19.000 The people from behind them are filming it.

01:20:20.000 The guy in front loses his shit and just at the right time swerves into the oncoming lane.

01:20:26.000 I have no idea, man.

01:20:27.000 Oh, this guy just crossed and...

01:20:29.000 Oh, my God.

01:20:30.000 Here you go, bitch.

01:20:31.000 Oh, shit.

01:20:31.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:20:32.000 This is scary.

01:20:33.000 This guy's in the wrong fucking lane.

01:20:35.000 Oh, that's so scary.

01:20:36.000 Oh, my God.

01:20:37.000 And he has to cross over.

01:20:38.000 How does he cross over?

01:20:39.000 I don't miss any of this shit, man.

01:20:41.000 I grew up in Ohio, so I had to deal with this all the time.

01:20:43.000 Look at this!

01:20:44.000 Look, you spun out.

01:20:46.000 Boom!

01:20:46.000 Oncoming traffic.

01:20:47.000 Boom!

01:20:48.000 The only good part is when you got in on accidents, it wasn't as bad because you were sliding when you hit the person.

01:20:53.000 That is true.

01:20:53.000 You know what I mean?

01:20:54.000 That's a big deal.

01:20:55.000 Yeah.

01:20:55.000 That's a big deal.

01:20:57.000 When you got in an accident in the snow, it's like bumper cars.

01:21:00.000 Kind of, yeah.

01:21:00.000 Yeah, people who don't know, they've never experienced that before, boom!

01:21:04.000 Like that, in any other situation, would be a devastating impact.

01:21:09.000 It's still going to be pretty shit.

01:21:10.000 Like, this is bad.

01:21:11.000 Oh, this is horrible.

01:21:12.000 What is this guy doing?

01:21:14.000 He lost his shit.

01:21:17.000 You're giving me anxiety.

01:21:18.000 I know.

01:21:19.000 I'm watching this and I'm getting anxiety.

01:21:21.000 I really honestly think that people who don't grow up driving in this kind of shit, you miss out on a certain amount of adversity in life.

01:21:28.000 The fear that you get, the respect for the winter, you know?

01:21:32.000 Oh my God.

01:21:33.000 I don't want to see this.

01:21:34.000 Jesus Christ, this is going to be bad.

01:21:36.000 Oh, look at this guy spinning out, head oncoming traffic, no one can stop.

01:21:41.000 Booz!

01:21:42.000 How about the motherfuckers that get in their car in Colorado like they're drunk?

01:21:46.000 Oh yeah, insane.

01:21:47.000 Go down 82. 82, Route 82, look it up.

01:21:50.000 It's one of the most dangerous roads in the fucking country.

01:21:52.000 Oh my god, he's going over the cliff.

01:21:53.000 Oh.

01:21:55.000 Oh, he spun around and got lucky.

01:21:57.000 This is fucking scary.

01:22:00.000 Please shut this off.

01:22:01.000 This is not good.

01:22:03.000 This is not good for your spirit.

01:22:05.000 You're just seeing destruction.

01:22:07.000 That's the weird thing about, like, the internet and, like, choosing to go search for shit.

01:22:12.000 Like, you can see disturbing shit after disturbing shit after...

01:22:15.000 Like, you just be bombarded by nothing but disturbing shit.

01:22:18.000 Just like...

01:22:20.000 Whereas in real life, it's really hard to run into that much disturbing shit.

01:22:25.000 If you drive every winter, you might see one of those crazy pileups in 10 years of driving.

01:22:32.000 We just saw 10 in a row.

01:22:34.000 You've lived in some places in Boston.

01:22:36.000 We're just disturbing waking up in the morning.

01:22:38.000 It is.

01:22:39.000 And it's one disturbing sight.

01:22:40.000 And everybody who comes to you, after a while you start looking at them, we're like, what the fuck?

01:22:44.000 Is this like a...

01:22:45.000 Are they putting me on?

01:22:46.000 Yeah.

01:22:47.000 Like, that's how real some places are, man.

01:22:50.000 There's places, situations, you got yourself in that it's just a walking disturbance.

01:22:54.000 You don't need to fucking look at this shit or go online.

01:22:58.000 Well, there's like a hopelessness to some places.

01:23:02.000 You know, there's some places where when you're there, like especially in the winter, there's like a weird hopelessness.

01:23:07.000 There's no joy.

01:23:09.000 There's no aspen to it.

01:23:10.000 Like aspen in the winter, it's kind of festive.

01:23:12.000 People are skiing.

01:23:13.000 The town's hopping.

01:23:15.000 You can smell the wood burning.

01:23:16.000 It's fucking amazing.

01:23:18.000 The wood burning's great.

01:23:18.000 When you smell that wood burning, your whole heart stops.

01:23:21.000 What the fuck?

01:23:22.000 It's beautiful.

01:23:23.000 It's completely different.

01:23:24.000 I remember being eight minutes from the greatest world of The greatest city in the world and feeling hopeless.

01:23:31.000 Like the Lincoln Tunnel, going across Lincoln Tunnel is the biggest city in the world in 1980 like as a kid and going, you know, this is hopelessness.

01:23:39.000 This is too much.

01:23:40.000 Yeah.

01:23:41.000 It was too fucking much then, you know.

01:23:43.000 It was everything you wanted like that at two in the morning.

01:23:48.000 Everything you wanted?

01:23:50.000 You could buy a machine gun with a bazooka in Harlem at 2 in the morning.

01:23:54.000 You go up to Harlem, there's a Puerto Rican that'll sit there for 10 minutes and go, let me think, bro.

01:23:59.000 What do you want?

01:24:00.000 I want to need a machine gun with a clip.

01:24:02.000 I want to shoot a thousand people.

01:24:04.000 I need a stick of fucking dynamite.

01:24:06.000 And they'll sit there for 10 minutes and go, I'll get you the dynamite tonight.

01:24:09.000 And you're sitting there going, oh shit.

01:24:11.000 Do you remember when that guy got arrested in Harlem because he had a tiger in his house?

01:24:17.000 Do you remember?

01:24:19.000 That's Harlem.

01:24:20.000 If that story had happened in any other place in the world, if that was in Cleveland, I'd be like, how odd.

01:24:25.000 But as in Harlem, I was like, okay.

01:24:28.000 I believe that.

01:24:29.000 The dude got bit, and so that's how he got in trouble.

01:24:32.000 His tiger bit him, and they found out this motherfucker had a tiger in his house.

01:24:35.000 He had like a bunch of exotic pets.

01:24:37.000 Let me pull up the story.

01:24:38.000 A man had a tiger in his house in Harlem.

01:24:41.000 A man had a tiger in his house.

01:24:45.000 Harlem, has Harlem been gentrified?

01:24:48.000 Yes.

01:24:49.000 A lot of white people living in Harlem now?

01:24:50.000 It's all the way up to 140 now.

01:24:52.000 Oh, he didn't just...

01:24:53.000 He didn't just have a tiger.

01:24:56.000 He had an alligator, too.

01:24:57.000 Oh, please!

01:24:58.000 Those are pimps in Harlem, though!

01:25:00.000 What the fuck?

01:25:01.000 Imagine you come over to this guy's house.

01:25:03.000 I used to cop coke at all hours of the night.

01:25:06.000 I used to, when I was 18, just out of high school, I used to go to 135th in Amsterdam, where you had to walk through the room where the chickens were fighting.

01:25:13.000 Right.

01:25:14.000 This is real.

01:25:15.000 And you walk through the room where the chickens were fighting.

01:25:18.000 And then you walked into a DJ booth, and they'd wait for you.

01:25:21.000 And there were times I'd go over and the cops were there, they wouldn't let you go in because somebody got shot.

01:25:25.000 And then remember when, who did Mike Tyson fight in Harlem at four in the fucking morning one night, dog?

01:25:30.000 Mitch Bloodgreen.

01:25:31.000 Are you fucking kidding me?

01:25:32.000 At a haberdashery.

01:25:33.000 Yeah, at a haberdashery.

01:25:35.000 At four in the fucking morning.

01:25:36.000 What's a haberdashery?

01:25:37.000 Like where you go buy clothes.

01:25:38.000 Men's clothing or something.

01:25:40.000 Where brothers go to buy fucking clothes.

01:25:42.000 Who goes to a haberdashery?

01:25:43.000 That's when you pull some Tom...

01:25:44.000 That's when you're a gentleman.

01:25:46.000 That's when you pull that Tom Cruise shit.

01:25:47.000 Remember what was that movie he made?

01:25:48.000 We had to call the Arabian guy and get clothing and the chick's daughter was fucking...

01:25:53.000 Tremendous movie.

01:25:54.000 Tom Cruise?

01:25:54.000 Tom Cruise made a movie years ago with Nicole Kidman as his wife, and she had cheated on him with a fucking soldier.

01:26:01.000 It was one of those movies by that director that fucking died.

01:26:04.000 Eyes Wide Shut?

01:26:05.000 Yes!

01:26:06.000 That was the thing.

01:26:07.000 All I remember about that movie is the crazy dance.

01:26:09.000 Yeah.

01:26:32.000 Then he goes over there, he gets in, he goes to the back, everybody's naked, everybody's sucking and fucking.

01:26:36.000 You gotta walk around with a cape and a fucking mask and a magician's hat on.

01:26:40.000 And then they threaten him, and he goes back home to Nicole Kidman, and she's telling her that one night while he was away, she fucked a sailor.

01:26:46.000 So it's like going in his mind, you know what I'm saying?

01:26:49.000 So it's just a fucked up movie.

01:26:50.000 He gets the address from the piano player at the jazz bar.

01:26:55.000 That's a great movie, by the way.

01:26:57.000 It's a dark fucking movie.

01:26:58.000 Remember they had it for a few years, then they released it.

01:27:01.000 It was kind of weird because it was them two working together.

01:27:04.000 I don't fucking know what I'm talking about.

01:27:06.000 Well, Eyes Wide Shut was about some weird elite sort of occult.

01:27:12.000 Right, Scientology through the back door.

01:27:15.000 Yeah, was that what it was like?

01:27:17.000 They wore those masks, hung out with Callan, stuff like that.

01:27:21.000 There's a 1972, there's some photos that Duncan had on his website.

01:27:27.000 They're photos from a 1972 Rothschild surrealist dinner party.

01:27:33.000 It's so weird, man.

01:27:36.000 It's so weird.

01:27:37.000 So this is the Rothschilds, I guess.

01:27:39.000 I'm not totally up on this, but they're supposed to be the people that are elite banker type characters, right?

01:27:46.000 So they've got this party, and They're all wearing these crazy outfits, man.

01:27:52.000 Like this lady's wearing like a stag head.

01:27:55.000 Like she has the head of a deer on in a mask.

01:27:58.000 And the man is wearing this weird thing on his fucking head.

01:28:01.000 And they have...

01:28:02.000 This dinner table set up with a baby doll.

01:28:08.000 It's fucking trippy shit.

01:28:10.000 Really weird shit.

01:28:12.000 Because these really were the Rothschilds, and this is really how they were rolling.

01:28:16.000 They really did have parties where women would wear antlers on their heads.

01:28:20.000 Where they would have naked women pushed around on what looks like a casket covered in roses.

01:28:27.000 It's really strange, or at least an effigy of a naked woman.

01:28:30.000 Actually, it looks like...

01:28:31.000 I can't tell if that's a real woman or not.

01:28:32.000 They kill a bitch.

01:28:33.000 They kill a bitch, too.

01:28:34.000 They would kill a bitch and drop her in the woods and shit.

01:28:36.000 This looks just like a hipster party.

01:28:37.000 Well, it's a bit of a party, for sure.

01:28:39.000 They're crazy people.

01:28:40.000 It's a bit of a party, for sure, but I think the idea...

01:28:42.000 They're like some freaky shit.

01:28:44.000 If you want to follow the conspiracy theory, the idea is that these type of people...

01:28:49.000 These elite societies that what they would do is they would have these rituals and they would do something really fucked up so no one could ever talk about it.

01:28:56.000 Like they would kill somebody.

01:28:58.000 Like they would take a prostitute and kill her in front of everybody and then bury her somewhere.

01:29:02.000 And no one could talk about it because they were all implicated.

01:29:04.000 And so that's everyone, you know, it's like your bond to this cult.

01:29:07.000 I mean, that's always...

01:29:09.000 Look at that.

01:29:10.000 That woman's wearing a fucking stag head.

01:29:13.000 It's like a big deer mask.

01:29:16.000 How weird.

01:29:18.000 When you have, like, billions of dollars and it's 1976, you're like, fuck it.

01:29:22.000 You know, there's no internet.

01:29:24.000 You can't get in trouble.

01:29:25.000 No anonymous is going to fucking take down your website because you're some crazy Rothschild's character.

01:29:34.000 These people back then?

01:29:37.000 Jesus Christ.

01:29:38.000 To have so much money that you pay off an attorney the night before the party like a liaison to the police department.

01:29:44.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:45.000 You fucking have a service come in to park cars.

01:29:48.000 They're not allowed in there.

01:29:49.000 Everybody has masks, so even if you do kill a bitch, nobody knows who killed it.

01:29:53.000 There was some dude with a fucking goat's face on it.

01:29:55.000 You don't know who the fuck that was.

01:29:57.000 There's no IDs.

01:29:58.000 There's no nothing.

01:29:59.000 You're fucking bareback.

01:30:00.000 You're just spreading chlamydia like a motherfucker at those things.

01:30:05.000 No, no, no, I'm lying.

01:30:06.000 Those chicks get checked out.

01:30:07.000 Those dudes go all out.

01:30:08.000 They fucking send those bitches to the doctor, blood test, pussy scans, asshole, the whole fucking thing.

01:30:14.000 What's the best scan for pussies?

01:30:15.000 An MRI? I don't fucking know.

01:30:18.000 It's got to be something, you know, some fucking freaky shit up in Rock Springs, Wyoming and shit.

01:30:24.000 I'm telling you, that's why they take those hookers and they revitalize them.

01:30:27.000 They put some pep in their stuff.

01:30:28.000 Well, back in those cowboy days, right, they used to have the brothels where they would let go in this big fucking wooden building, you know, in the upstairs.

01:30:35.000 I mean, all the Outlaw Josie Wales movies.

01:30:37.000 I mean, what was the movie, the comeback movie for him way back in, you know, like with Morgan Freeman?

01:30:48.000 Unforgiven.

01:30:48.000 Unforgiven, thank you.

01:30:49.000 That movie was about a prostitute at a broth getting cut up by a bad guy and then him going after them.

01:30:55.000 Remember that?

01:30:56.000 Yes, that's a good movie.

01:30:57.000 That's a great fucking movie.

01:30:59.000 Unforgiven is, in my opinion, one of all time.

01:31:02.000 And it's a black fucking sheep.

01:31:04.000 Nobody really watches it.

01:31:05.000 Exactly.

01:31:05.000 And it's so realistic, man.

01:31:09.000 It's like he went and did the exact opposite of a hero movie where everything's predictable.

01:31:16.000 It was not predictable at all.

01:31:18.000 It was very dark and very realistic.

01:31:20.000 Very realistic and tuned into that era.

01:31:23.000 When he starts drinking and turns evil, you fucking believe every word of it.

01:31:28.000 When he comes in all sweaty and fucked up and just kills everybody...

01:31:32.000 God damn, dude.

01:31:33.000 And how everybody's freaking out.

01:31:35.000 They're scared.

01:31:35.000 They can't pull their gun out in time.

01:31:36.000 And he's just blasting them one after the other.

01:31:39.000 That was a fucking hard-hitting movie.

01:31:42.000 We'll have to watch it again this week.

01:31:44.000 Maybe we'll watch it in Milwaukee.

01:31:46.000 We'll have a party.

01:31:47.000 Yeah.

01:31:47.000 And some bitches stab them.

01:31:49.000 The whole fucking thing.

01:31:50.000 I can't stab a bitch at this age.

01:31:52.000 You can't stab them.

01:31:53.000 They fight back.

01:31:54.000 I wouldn't want to do it anyway.

01:31:56.000 But that creepy shit where they have the parties and the chick don't know she's going to die.

01:32:00.000 That's got to be horrible.

01:32:01.000 You do it with like four people who have families.

01:32:04.000 Could you imagine?

01:32:05.000 Being sophisticated.

01:32:06.000 You're a millionaire.

01:32:06.000 You have so much to fucking lose.

01:32:08.000 But you know, listen man, when you have money in the billions, I can't imagine.

01:32:13.000 Listen, you're 50 years old, you're going to go, fuck it.

01:32:15.000 I'm going to go do everything I've ever wanted to do.

01:32:17.000 And you write a bucket list, bitch.

01:32:19.000 And that list is getting eight chicks, the hottest chicks in the world, getting them checked out for committee.

01:32:25.000 I mean, just, you know, Fidel used to do that.

01:32:28.000 They said that Fidel would go up to you whether you were married or not.

01:32:31.000 He'd send the fucking guy over to you and say, call this number tomorrow at 2 o'clock.

01:32:35.000 Right in the restaurant.

01:32:37.000 You could be sitting there with your wife.

01:32:38.000 A soldier would come up to your wife and give her a card.

01:32:41.000 Got to call that number the next day.

01:32:42.000 Next day, a fucking car comes to the house, picks your wife up, takes her for a physical examination.

01:32:48.000 The next day, she has to have a nice dress delivered with some flowers.

01:32:51.000 She's going to Fidel's for some yum-yums.

01:32:54.000 So you would have to just dress your wife down, wouldn't you?

01:32:57.000 You'd just make her look like shit?

01:32:59.000 Is that real?

01:32:59.000 He was just steal wives?

01:33:00.000 I'm not sure about the wives, but I know that he was doing it to women, you know?

01:33:04.000 He was doing it to women.

01:33:05.000 You're in a restaurant, you're outside.

01:33:07.000 He would have people going out and hunting bitches for him.

01:33:10.000 Holy shit.

01:33:11.000 Listen, guys, who knows?

01:33:12.000 But that's a dictator.

01:33:13.000 Yeah, who knows what you do if you're put in that position, you know?

01:33:17.000 I was watching that thing.

01:33:18.000 What's that crazy fuck from San Francisco that made everybody drink the juice down in Guyana?

01:33:23.000 Oh, Jim Jones.

01:33:24.000 You ever watch that thing for two hours on biography when you wake up and you can't go back to bed?

01:33:28.000 You had like a fucking Red Bull at the club?

01:33:29.000 And you're watching this.

01:33:31.000 Listen, I can see you talking three people.

01:33:35.000 But he had thousands of people that had given him their social security checks.

01:33:38.000 That guy was raking and fucking, he had them living in huts.

01:33:41.000 Imagine, I'm going to give you my money, I'm going to live in the huts with a mosquito, no air conditioning, I've got to do my own laundry.

01:33:47.000 What the fuck?

01:33:48.000 Thousands of people who were just lost.

01:33:51.000 You know, who just wanted a new fucking life?

01:33:53.000 That just, that's mind-boggling, man.

01:33:55.000 Well, I mean, what about the Branch Davidians?

01:33:57.000 I mean, they had that place, and then they would leave the compound and go to jobs and come back to the compound.

01:34:03.000 Now, are they making a comeback?

01:34:05.000 I don't know.

01:34:05.000 No, no.

01:34:06.000 Yeah, something happened.

01:34:07.000 The son, he fucked up.

01:34:08.000 Okay, let's find out.

01:34:09.000 Branch Davidians could be back.

01:34:11.000 They're working under a new name or something like that there.

01:34:15.000 A new cult.

01:34:16.000 Let's say a comeback.

01:34:18.000 Branch Davidians comeback.

01:34:20.000 I remember though when it was...

01:34:23.000 Wow, they were trying to make a comeback.

01:34:25.000 But this was 2007. Yeah, well they still gotta be trying, you know?

01:34:31.000 That's a long comeback.

01:34:32.000 I remember part of the deal though, the Branch Davidians deal, was that he got to fuck them.

01:34:37.000 That was like part of his gig.

01:34:39.000 You know, he's Jesus.

01:34:40.000 He's spreading the seed.

01:34:41.000 He's gotta spread the love.

01:34:43.000 And you buy it.

01:34:44.000 You gotta sit there and look at your wife and go, go ahead.

01:34:46.000 You know, our lives will be better if he gives you a fucking stab.

01:34:49.000 I mean, it's disgusting.

01:34:50.000 I know somebody who lived through that, man.

01:34:53.000 One of those cults.

01:34:54.000 And she would tell me the stories and I would sit there and ask, why didn't she sue her parents?

01:34:58.000 In today's world, I would take her parents to fucking court and go, what the fuck were you people fucking thinking?

01:35:05.000 I mean, they tracked down fucking people from all these wars that did war crimes.

01:35:13.000 These are war crimes.

01:35:14.000 Listen, if a kid wants to do something, he has to be an adult.

01:35:19.000 He has to consent.

01:35:20.000 There's no kid that wants to grow up in Indiana.

01:35:23.000 In some house with 80 fucking kids where they have to eat everything they kill.

01:35:27.000 And they even were drinking blood pudding and shit.

01:35:29.000 So part of the deal was the guy fucks your wife.

01:35:32.000 This family I'm talking about had maybe nine kids.

01:35:35.000 Four of them belonged to the cult leader.

01:35:37.000 So after the cult dissolved, now these people got to eat dinner in the summers.

01:35:40.000 They're all on Facebook jumping up and down.

01:35:42.000 This guy don't look like my fucking brother.

01:35:44.000 You know, what does that do to your fucking...

01:35:45.000 And the parents are sitting there playing the guitars jumping up and down like...

01:35:49.000 You know, life is beautiful.

01:35:51.000 What the fuck life is beautiful?

01:35:52.000 Four of your kids belong to some cult leader, and your husband's sitting there like a fucking savage.

01:35:56.000 I mean, these things are just disgusting.

01:35:58.000 This is just disgusting shit.

01:36:00.000 Yeah, they always get to fuck the women.

01:36:02.000 That's part of the deal.

01:36:03.000 That's part of the fucking deal, and the husband's got to sit there playing the guitar, making Kool-Aid, like some fucking jack-off.

01:36:11.000 Like some fucking jack-off.

01:36:12.000 I mean, I never understood this shit.

01:36:14.000 Well, it's amazing when they study cults how the same sort of pattern plays itself out.

01:36:19.000 Yeah, everybody wants to sling dick, and that's part of it.

01:36:21.000 That's part of the 401k.

01:36:22.000 I got to fuck everybody in this motherfucker.

01:36:24.000 It is part of it, right?

01:36:26.000 It's a weird thing with men.

01:36:27.000 And they fuck like 17-year-olds on the cusp of being 18. I mean, these guys should be shot.

01:36:33.000 I heard that that particular guy was still alive in a different state.

01:36:37.000 Who?

01:36:37.000 The people I'm talking about, the cult leader that they defunct from is still alive and they're trying to sue him.

01:36:44.000 Oh, I thought you meant Koresh.

01:36:46.000 Yeah, he killed a few babies.

01:36:47.000 Oh, God.

01:36:48.000 Yeah, yeah, they're disgusting.

01:36:49.000 How many minor league cults are there out there that we don't know about?

01:36:53.000 Is there a gang of them?

01:36:54.000 Millions.

01:36:55.000 Are the Moonies still around?

01:36:56.000 Harry Christmas?

01:36:57.000 No, the Moonies.

01:36:58.000 I don't know.

01:36:59.000 The Moonies were like an East Coast thing.

01:37:01.000 I haven't even seen the Harry Christmas movie.

01:37:04.000 I haven't even seen Happy Christmas lately.

01:37:06.000 No?

01:37:06.000 No, with the little hair, nothing.

01:37:08.000 In Boulder, they're there every other week.

01:37:10.000 But not none.

01:37:11.000 I never see them out here.

01:37:13.000 It's a nickname, apparently.

01:37:14.000 I thought it was the real name.

01:37:16.000 It's from the Unification Church.

01:37:18.000 Right, yeah.

01:37:18.000 Sean Young Moon and shit.

01:37:19.000 He was big in the 70s.

01:37:20.000 They can't survive, man.

01:37:22.000 Is that Amish?

01:37:23.000 Who the fuck knows?

01:37:24.000 Let's see.

01:37:24.000 Recent use.

01:37:26.000 A 1996 article in The Independent by former Prime Minister Edward Heath gave at a Unification Church-sponsored conference.

01:37:33.000 He admitted the term Mooney has entered the language meaning a brainwashed, bright-eyed zombie.

01:37:40.000 Yeah, I guess they're around still, man.

01:37:44.000 Huh.

01:37:46.000 Yeah, wow.

01:37:48.000 The Unification Church.

01:37:51.000 It's got to be harder to do in those things today, though, no?

01:37:56.000 I don't know if you have to get state fucking approval.

01:37:58.000 There's some states that allow cults.

01:38:00.000 Well, you know, as far as, like, religions go...

01:38:03.000 It's a church, yeah, it's a church.

01:38:04.000 They get, like, a tax deduction, the whole fucking thing, you know.

01:38:08.000 Because that's what Alex Gray has.

01:38:12.000 That artist, he's got a church.

01:38:15.000 Like, he's the one who does all those crazy psychedelic paintings.

01:38:18.000 That guy's got a church.

01:38:19.000 I mean, his whole thing is non-profit.

01:38:23.000 Like, he's been approved by the government.

01:38:26.000 Which is pretty incredible.

01:38:27.000 We could all get approved.

01:38:28.000 You think so?

01:38:29.000 But who wants that fucking creepy feeling?

01:38:32.000 I would never want that creepy feeling to think that I was walking on fucking water.

01:38:37.000 Oh.

01:38:37.000 Bro, all of them have all become that.

01:38:40.000 They all become that.

01:38:41.000 I know.

01:38:41.000 There's no way to look back.

01:38:43.000 They all become that creepy person.

01:38:45.000 Yeah, is there anyone who's ever made a cult where it worked out really good?

01:38:49.000 Fuck them up.

01:38:50.000 I don't know.

01:38:52.000 Well, Scientology works out good for some people.

01:38:55.000 You know, it's worked out really good for Tom Cruise.

01:38:57.000 Works out really good for John Travolta.

01:38:59.000 Works out really good for, like, the head actor guys.

01:39:02.000 And, like, you know, people who are at the head of...

01:39:04.000 I mean, whatever their group of, like, top people in Scientology.

01:39:10.000 Works out good for them.

01:39:11.000 Is that a blue cigarette that you're smoking?

01:39:13.000 This is crack, okay.

01:39:14.000 Did you know that Bloomberg's trying to get rid of those?

01:39:16.000 He should.

01:39:17.000 I don't give a fuck.

01:39:18.000 I don't know.

01:39:19.000 Why do you say that?

01:39:19.000 Look at Jenny McCarthy.

01:39:20.000 She took over Stephen Dorff.

01:39:22.000 Yeah, I know.

01:39:23.000 She's a new blue cigarette person.

01:39:25.000 They went from black and white to really color super hot chick.

01:39:31.000 Like black and white.

01:39:32.000 Like film noir.

01:39:34.000 Well, I guess they're doing that with this too.

01:39:36.000 The other one, it's not.

01:39:37.000 Ew, it's so gross.

01:39:38.000 They're like being silly with each other.

01:39:39.000 Ha ha ha.

01:39:40.000 Let's smoke this.

01:39:41.000 Ha ha ha.

01:39:42.000 She couldn't possibly smoke in real life and still be that hot.

01:39:45.000 Could she?

01:39:45.000 Oh, she smokes.

01:39:47.000 Really?

01:39:47.000 You can tell she's a smoker.

01:39:49.000 Good googly moogly.

01:39:51.000 In between fucking hummers, you gotta do something with that fucking mouth.

01:39:54.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:39:55.000 Add some nicotine into those jaws in between fucking...

01:39:58.000 She's beautiful.

01:39:59.000 She's beautiful.

01:40:00.000 She really is.

01:40:01.000 I don't give a...

01:40:01.000 She's still pissed at Jim Carrey.

01:40:03.000 You don't come visit the fucking kids.

01:40:05.000 I'm done fucking you.

01:40:06.000 I'm gonna come see the kids for.

01:40:07.000 Right or wrong.

01:40:08.000 Right or wrong.

01:40:09.000 No, she's pissed.

01:40:10.000 Listen, we don't fuck no more.

01:40:11.000 I gotta come see your kid.

01:40:12.000 When I was eating your ass, I was his best friend.

01:40:15.000 I ain't eating your ass no more.

01:40:16.000 I'm gonna come over and read him a book.

01:40:18.000 Fuck you.

01:40:19.000 You know, it's the truth.

01:40:20.000 Yeah, it is.

01:40:21.000 It's the truth.

01:40:21.000 It's a man thing.

01:40:23.000 Now he's going to go have a family.

01:40:24.000 I've got to go over there and visit Jenny McCarthy.

01:40:25.000 You know she wants to smoke that pole and talk about Ace Ventura.

01:40:28.000 You know?

01:40:29.000 You know Jenny McCarthy.

01:40:30.000 She'll suck your dick.

01:40:31.000 That's a freak.

01:40:31.000 I ain't mad at her.

01:40:32.000 I love Jenny McCarthy.

01:40:33.000 I've been watching her.

01:40:34.000 She's great.

01:40:35.000 She talked about how amazing you were in Ace Ventura.

01:40:38.000 Next thing you know, she's swallowing your sword.

01:40:40.000 You're petting the cat.

01:40:41.000 Everybody's fucking happy.

01:40:42.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:40:45.000 I can't be around Jenny McCartney.

01:40:47.000 Once you fuck Jenny McCartney, can you imagine being around her?

01:40:50.000 Not fucking her?

01:40:51.000 No.

01:40:51.000 You're single?

01:40:52.000 Not really.

01:40:53.000 Jenny, cut it out.

01:40:55.000 Let's go to that bedroom.

01:40:56.000 I'm going to fucking Ace Venturi into that fucking door there.

01:41:01.000 Oh my god.

01:41:02.000 The competition for a woman that hot is off the charts.

01:41:05.000 She's beautiful.

01:41:06.000 She's funny.

01:41:07.000 She's great.

01:41:07.000 She writes fucking books.

01:41:08.000 She's been around.

01:41:09.000 She's done a lot with Playmate things, dog.

01:41:12.000 She's done a lot with it.

01:41:13.000 You gotta really...

01:41:14.000 This chick was out of Chicago.

01:41:15.000 White chick came out as a comic with The Nerdist on that show.

01:41:19.000 When I moved to LA, that show was it.

01:41:21.000 It was getting cast by Judy Brown.

01:41:23.000 Stan Hope was on it.

01:41:24.000 The fucking...

01:41:25.000 The Jenny McCarthy show.

01:41:27.000 I read for it.

01:41:28.000 Was that Remote Control?

01:41:30.000 No.

01:41:30.000 Oh, the new...

01:41:31.000 Do you mean the sitcom?

01:41:32.000 No, on MTV they gave her a show.

01:41:34.000 Was she on Single Now?

01:41:36.000 What was Remote Control?

01:41:38.000 That wasn't her.

01:41:38.000 That was a game show.

01:41:39.000 Oh, that was a different one.

01:41:41.000 Okay, Singled Out was with her and...

01:41:43.000 The Nerdist.

01:41:43.000 The Nerdist, right?

01:41:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:41:45.000 Yeah, I remember that.

01:41:46.000 Yeah, come on now.

01:41:48.000 Jenny McCarthy's a bad bitch, Doug.

01:41:50.000 She's been around a long time, man.

01:41:52.000 No fucking dirty movies.

01:41:53.000 No nothing.

01:41:54.000 Nobody's got a picture of her sucking a cock.

01:41:57.000 Nobody.

01:41:57.000 Nobody's got a picture of Jenny McCarthy.

01:41:59.000 If they did, it wouldn't hurt her.

01:42:01.000 She would just own it.

01:42:02.000 No, she looks beautiful.

01:42:03.000 She's fucking hotter than fat asses.

01:42:05.000 That used to be a deal killer for a woman back in the day.

01:42:08.000 It almost killed a chick from Miss America.

01:42:11.000 What was the chick?

01:42:12.000 The black chick, the mixing chick.

01:42:13.000 They caught her eating pussy on all fours.

01:42:15.000 Look at that picture.

01:42:16.000 Look at that picture.

01:42:17.000 Look at that picture and what it did in 1984 to her career.

01:42:21.000 And that bitch came out with albums.

01:42:23.000 Bam!

01:42:23.000 Married a Laker.

01:42:24.000 Bam!

01:42:25.000 What's her name again?

01:42:25.000 Vanessa?

01:42:26.000 Vanessa Williams.

01:42:27.000 She was beautiful.

01:42:28.000 Yeah, man.

01:42:29.000 She was fine.

01:42:30.000 Look at the picture of her eating that fucking mung qua.

01:42:32.000 She was a mung qua.

01:42:34.000 She was a mung qua.

01:42:36.000 She's on all fours.

01:42:37.000 She's got her fucking nostrils in it.

01:42:39.000 Yeah, that's a very beautiful woman.

01:42:40.000 That's a beautiful woman.

01:42:41.000 You know, now she's 50, she's 40. I mean, you know, I'm talking about when she was 20. She won Miss America and they took the crown from her because somebody fucking developed those pictures.

01:42:51.000 Yeah.

01:42:51.000 On all fours?

01:42:52.000 It was a different world.

01:42:54.000 Now they would, like, encourage that shit.

01:42:55.000 Yeah, now you do that, you get a fucking show on the Kardashians underneath.

01:42:59.000 Yeah, and that way people would pay attention.

01:43:02.000 You know, having something like that.

01:43:03.000 I mean, look at Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.

01:43:06.000 It made them, really.

01:43:07.000 I mean, it made them more popular.

01:43:09.000 And this chick had a ton of fuck.

01:43:10.000 I mean, she put on a music album.

01:43:12.000 Every once in a while, I still put the album on, Running Back to You.

01:43:15.000 Tremendous.

01:43:16.000 If you like dancing and shit, 1991, 92. She did movies, too, didn't she?

01:43:23.000 She did the movie with Arnold.

01:43:26.000 Oh, shit!

01:43:27.000 Yeah, what was that?

01:43:27.000 What was that?

01:43:28.000 Witness.

01:43:29.000 She was a witness relocation plan, and he took her, and she stole the disc from the company, and come on now.

01:43:35.000 Yeah, man.

01:43:36.000 And then she was on some other TV show for a while.

01:43:39.000 Wow.

01:43:39.000 That's a badass motherfucker.

01:43:42.000 Damn, that was a long-ass time ago.

01:43:44.000 Yeah, she's been around for a long time, but they killed her with that pussy.

01:43:47.000 Picture her eating some poor girl, having a good old yum-yum time in college.

01:43:52.000 Is she out of Texas?

01:43:53.000 I don't know.

01:43:54.000 Look and see if she's out of where she's out of.

01:43:56.000 She's out of somewhere.

01:43:58.000 What?

01:43:58.000 They made her like that, and she's tall, too.

01:44:00.000 Is she?

01:44:01.000 Yeah, she's tall.

01:44:02.000 Vanessa Williams.

01:44:04.000 There's another one, an actress, that was named Vanessa Williams, too, right?

01:44:08.000 Remember that?

01:44:08.000 I don't know.

01:44:09.000 Remember there was two Vanessa Williams for a while?

01:44:11.000 It was fucking confusing as shit.

01:44:14.000 There's Vanessa L. Williams, and then Vanessa Williams.

01:44:17.000 Yeah.

01:44:20.000 Okay.

01:44:22.000 Where's she from?

01:44:25.000 She is from Millwood, New York.

01:44:29.000 Where'd she go to college?

01:44:30.000 Texas?

01:44:31.000 I don't know.

01:44:31.000 Something happened in Texas.

01:44:33.000 Doesn't say.

01:44:34.000 Doesn't say.

01:44:35.000 But yeah, she's...

01:44:37.000 Ah, I can't show that one.

01:44:39.000 She's born in...

01:44:40.000 She was born in 63, so she's 50. She's 50. Son of a gun.

01:44:44.000 Now I see what you're talking about.

01:44:44.000 She's got a couple kids.

01:44:45.000 She still works a lot for ABC shows.

01:44:48.000 She's still beautiful.

01:44:50.000 Time's a motherfucker, dude.

01:44:51.000 It waits for nobody.

01:44:54.000 Um...

01:44:56.000 Waits for nobody.

01:44:57.000 Oh, there's another Vanessa Williams.

01:44:58.000 Okay, there's a young girl named Vanessa Williams.

01:45:00.000 There you go, right there.

01:45:00.000 Look at her.

01:45:01.000 She's next to this rock.

01:45:02.000 Right in the ocean.

01:45:03.000 Yeah, she's like, a pumpkin's there.

01:45:06.000 She's like, boy, this pumpkin smells fresh.

01:45:08.000 Look how big it is.

01:45:09.000 Fresh pumpkin.

01:45:11.000 Yeah, how weird.

01:45:12.000 Yeah, we can't show that.

01:45:13.000 We get in trouble, folks.

01:45:15.000 We can get in trouble.

01:45:17.000 Yeah.

01:45:18.000 It's weird when you go back and look at like...

01:45:20.000 You ever watch a movie from that era?

01:45:22.000 Like...

01:45:23.000 I watched...

01:45:26.000 What was that movie where the guy played the video game?

01:45:29.000 And the video game taught Starfighter.

01:45:31.000 Remember?

01:45:31.000 That was...

01:45:32.000 Yeah.

01:45:33.000 The guy's name was Alex Rogan.

01:45:34.000 I remember that.

01:45:36.000 Because...

01:45:36.000 I'm like, he's got my last name.

01:45:38.000 And he was a guy who learned how to pilot this...

01:45:42.000 This spacecraft...

01:45:46.000 During playing this video game.

01:45:47.000 The best at it?

01:45:48.000 No, no, no.

01:45:49.000 It was like Star...

01:45:50.000 Last Starfighter.

01:45:51.000 Last Starfighter?

01:45:52.000 Last Starfighter?

01:45:53.000 Was that it?

01:45:54.000 It was so stupid.

01:45:57.000 What's his name in it?

01:45:58.000 The black dude?

01:45:59.000 He looked all weird and creepy.

01:46:03.000 The black guy.

01:46:04.000 Which black guy?

01:46:05.000 The one...

01:46:06.000 It says it stars Lance Guest, Robert Preston, K.E. Cuter, see full cast and crew.

01:46:15.000 No.

01:46:16.000 Just look up The Last Starfighter.

01:46:18.000 I was thinking of something else.

01:46:18.000 And this video game guy...

01:46:23.000 Seemingly doomed to stay in his trailer park home all his life, finds himself recruited as a gunner for an alien defense force.

01:46:31.000 It was so dumb.

01:46:32.000 What was this guy's name?

01:46:36.000 He was the main guy in it, right?

01:46:37.000 Yeah, that was the main guy in it.

01:46:39.000 Who was he?

01:46:40.000 Yeah, I thought he was somebody.

01:46:41.000 I think you're thinking of Enemy Mine.

01:46:44.000 That's what it was.

01:46:45.000 And you're thinking of Louis Gossett?

01:46:48.000 Is that who it is?

01:46:48.000 Louis Gossett Jr.?

01:46:49.000 Is that the guy's name?

01:46:50.000 You're 100% right.

01:46:51.000 He's the man from, remember that?

01:46:52.000 Officer and a Gentleman?

01:46:53.000 Fuck yeah.

01:46:54.000 That was a great fucking movie.

01:46:55.000 That was a great fucking movie.

01:46:56.000 It took me months to watch that.

01:46:58.000 I couldn't get over them because I had a girlfriend that liked that motherfucker, so I hate him.

01:47:02.000 I hated that motherfucker.

01:47:03.000 I went to see American Jiggle and he showed his ass.

01:47:05.000 I lost my edge after that.

01:47:07.000 And then he'd come out with Office in the Gentleman.

01:47:09.000 I caught it on 178th Street for $5 with D for Hearts.

01:47:12.000 With Stephen Bauer and the other chick.

01:47:15.000 That was the first big movie they gave Stephen Bauer after Scarface.

01:47:29.000 Oh, that's right.

01:47:32.000 Oh my god, CSI Miami was in there.

01:47:37.000 That dude that was taken on, remember, he pulled him up there and choked him out, and he tapped out, and then they threw him out of there.

01:47:43.000 Plus, the other guy was in that movie.

01:47:45.000 Officer and a Gentleman is deep.

01:47:46.000 Pull up the fight scene from Officer and a Gentleman.

01:47:50.000 There's a couple of them, but when he walks up on him...

01:47:52.000 Anybody want to come up here?

01:47:53.000 How about you, Mayonnaise?

01:47:55.000 That's right.

01:47:55.000 I remember his name was Mayo.

01:47:57.000 But let me tell you what the baddest part of that movie is.

01:47:59.000 When you really realize who fucking Richard Gere is.

01:48:03.000 It's the first scene when his father comes in and they just had an orgy.

01:48:06.000 His father is played by Frank Lopez from Scarface.

01:48:10.000 Fresh off Scarface.

01:48:11.000 And fucking whatever his name is, he's combing his hair.

01:48:16.000 And all of a sudden his father comes in and he moves over.

01:48:18.000 He takes his dick out and he's pissing in front of him.

01:48:20.000 He goes, that was some fucking night, huh?

01:48:22.000 He goes, not like those bitches in Thailand.

01:48:24.000 I mean, he was just...

01:48:25.000 And he goes, where are you going?

01:48:26.000 And he goes, I got to drop something on you.

01:48:28.000 I'm a fucking officer.

01:48:31.000 And he goes, look at you.

01:48:32.000 You ain't no fucking officer.

01:48:33.000 Remember, he hits the glass and shit.

01:48:34.000 You ain't no fucking officer.

01:48:36.000 Look at you.

01:48:36.000 And he goes, what's your problem?

01:48:37.000 You might have to salute me someday.

01:48:39.000 Fucking tremendous scene.

01:48:40.000 He walks out.

01:48:40.000 Where you going?

01:48:41.000 Come on.

01:48:42.000 I was only kidding you.

01:48:43.000 That's a great fucking movie.

01:48:45.000 That scene in the beginning, that was Frank Lopez.

01:48:48.000 That was Frank Lopez's, I think it was after Scarface.

01:48:52.000 So he left Scarface getting shot.

01:48:54.000 You know, they threw him out of his own.

01:48:55.000 There you go!

01:48:56.000 That's when he's trying to, he's telling him to quit.

01:49:01.000 I've changed.

01:49:02.000 I've changed since I've been here.

01:49:04.000 Hell you have.

01:49:05.000 I've changed, sir!

01:49:06.000 No.

01:49:07.000 You just polished up your ass a little bit.

01:49:08.000 You just shined it up.

01:49:11.000 Tell me what I want to hear.

01:49:14.000 I want your D-O-R. No, sir.

01:49:16.000 I want your D-O-R. I ain't gonna quit.

01:49:18.000 Spell it!

01:49:19.000 D-O-R. I ain't gonna quit.

01:49:22.000 Yeah, then you can be free and you and your daddy can get drunk and go hole chasing again.

01:49:25.000 He doesn't know it's D-O-O-R. No, sir!

01:49:27.000 D-O-R. I ain't gonna quit.

01:49:29.000 All right, then you can forget it.

01:49:31.000 You're out.

01:49:31.000 That's the line right here.

01:49:32.000 You do it!

01:49:34.000 I got nowhere else to go.

01:49:36.000 That's it.

01:49:36.000 That's it, dog.

01:49:37.000 I got nowhere else to go.

01:49:44.000 Are you fucking kidding me?

01:49:45.000 That was incredible.

01:49:46.000 That was incredible, dog.

01:49:47.000 I forgive him for all his crazy Buddhist bullshit.

01:49:51.000 Remember after 9-11?

01:49:52.000 We need to use love.

01:49:54.000 He got on stage in New York and was like, we need to use love and love them.

01:49:58.000 Like, ooh, I don't know if that's the right answer.

01:50:01.000 We need to figure out how to stop planes from flying into buildings before we worry about love.

01:50:06.000 People aren't going to be not flying planes into buildings because you're a really good officer and gentleman.

01:50:13.000 Remember he was selling belt buckles to fucking those dudes.

01:50:20.000 A dude from CSI Miami comes up to me and goes, Is it worth you making a couple dollars?

01:50:24.000 Oh, that's right.

01:50:26.000 That's right.

01:50:26.000 He was selling clean belt buckles.

01:50:28.000 He was selling clean belt buckles.

01:50:28.000 That's how he got in trouble.

01:50:30.000 He got in trouble because he was hustling.

01:50:32.000 I remember seeing, what's his name, at the store one night.

01:50:35.000 I shook his hand.

01:50:36.000 He's like a big AA guy, you know, Lou Gossett Jr. Is he?

01:50:39.000 He was at the store one night, man, cooler than fuck.

01:50:42.000 I shook his fucking hand and I said, dog, Officer and the Gentleman, you know, you're a bad dude.

01:50:46.000 You got a tremendous resume.

01:50:49.000 Do you remember good times?

01:50:50.000 Fuck yeah.

01:50:51.000 I saw the father up there too.

01:50:52.000 Remember?

01:50:52.000 We were up there together.

01:50:53.000 We used to see him all the time.

01:50:54.000 All the time.

01:50:54.000 I used to be a stand-up comic up here.

01:50:57.000 He was fucking hilarious, man.

01:50:59.000 John Amos.

01:51:00.000 John Amos.

01:51:02.000 That guy was fun, dude.

01:51:03.000 Good dude.

01:51:03.000 He was so nice.

01:51:04.000 Good dude.

01:51:04.000 Yeah, very fucking nice.

01:51:06.000 He was the first really famous guy that I ever met that I didn't feel weird talking to.

01:51:12.000 No.

01:51:12.000 He gave you no judgment.

01:51:14.000 He was just hanging out with you.

01:51:16.000 He was a fan of comedy.

01:51:17.000 He respected it.

01:51:18.000 So that's the difference.

01:51:19.000 When somebody sits back there and goes, Dog, I appreciate what the fuck you do.

01:51:22.000 I tried it for three years, and it wasn't me.

01:51:25.000 I remember the dude from...

01:51:26.000 Badass actor.

01:51:28.000 Plummer.

01:51:29.000 Glenn Plummer used to always come into the store.

01:51:31.000 Glenn Plummer?

01:51:32.000 Who's that?

01:51:32.000 Black dude that was in the movie with Sean Penn when they did a movie about the gangs in L.A. And then he did a thousand things.

01:51:38.000 I just saw him in fucking Sons of Anarchy.

01:51:41.000 I mean, he's still working.

01:51:42.000 I saw him at the store.

01:51:44.000 He didn't come up to me and go, What you do.

01:51:46.000 And I'm going, really?

01:51:46.000 You don't want to do it?

01:51:47.000 I remember hosting at the store, bringing him up.

01:51:49.000 And I'm going, dog, please don't embarrass me.

01:51:51.000 I go, you've done movies with fucking Andy Garcia.

01:51:55.000 And he's into things to do in Denver when you're dead.

01:51:58.000 That scene, the two black dudes.

01:51:59.000 It's him, Cheadle, and the dude from fucking...

01:52:03.000 Oh, this guy?

01:52:04.000 Yes.

01:52:05.000 Oh, dude.

01:52:06.000 Yeah, he used to come to the store all the time.

01:52:08.000 That guy's excellent.

01:52:10.000 Yeah, he just got shot on Sons of Anarchy the last two seasons or something like that.

01:52:15.000 It's amazing.

01:52:15.000 John Amos was the first guy that ever gave me a compliment, too, that was, like, famous.

01:52:21.000 Like, the first guy that I ever talked to, like, that told me they had a good time at a show.

01:52:26.000 He was sitting in the back of the store and fucking having a great time, man.

01:52:29.000 And we'd come up to you and talk to you about bits.

01:52:31.000 Joey, I'd love when you did this bit.

01:52:33.000 Oh, man, the way you did that.

01:52:35.000 Remember I used to have that tiger fucking bit?

01:52:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:52:38.000 He came up to me one night after the show and he goes, you're so free up there, man.

01:52:42.000 He goes, you're so free.

01:52:44.000 And anyway, I had to figure out how to do that bit right.

01:52:48.000 And one of the ways that I learned how to do that bit right was I would do it different ways.

01:52:52.000 And he kind of explained to me what was good about it.

01:52:57.000 Because he's such a great actor.

01:52:59.000 Even in good times.

01:53:00.000 He was in Roots.

01:53:02.000 Yes.

01:53:02.000 Fuck yeah, he was in Roots.

01:53:04.000 That's right.

01:53:04.000 He was in Roots.

01:53:05.000 He got his foot chopped off, remember?

01:53:06.000 Yes, he was a root.

01:53:08.000 He was so good as an actor, like even in like a sitcom, it's like he had these powerful fucking moments, right?

01:53:15.000 So when he told me, it's like, you know, like you're so, it's so free up there when you're doing that.

01:53:19.000 You're so free because you're not thinking about shit.

01:53:22.000 He's like, you're like thinking like that tiger.

01:53:24.000 And I realized like that's really the way to do it.

01:53:26.000 You got to actually almost pretend you're a tiger, like think like that thing thinks.

01:53:30.000 And that's the way it worked.

01:53:32.000 That's the I kind of figured it out because of him.

01:53:34.000 Because of him talking to me about it.

01:53:35.000 I was like, oh yeah, that's it.

01:53:37.000 Oh, that's it.

01:53:38.000 And it made me so confident because he said that.

01:53:42.000 You know, I'm like, Jesus, John Amos said that?

01:53:44.000 It's got to be right.

01:53:44.000 It's like, this is 100%.

01:53:46.000 That's the guy from Roots.

01:53:47.000 That's the guy from Good Times.

01:53:48.000 That's John Amos.

01:53:49.000 Coming to America.

01:53:51.000 Oh, that's right.

01:53:52.000 That's right.

01:53:54.000 That was incredible.

01:53:56.000 Stay off the drugs.

01:54:02.000 Wow, that's incredible.

01:54:03.000 I watched Omit the Logic again the other night.

01:54:06.000 Oh, the Richard Pryor documentary?

01:54:07.000 Did you watch it yet?

01:54:08.000 Dude, that makes me nervous.

01:54:09.000 You gotta watch, when he goes to the Hollywood Bowl, when he goes to the Hollywood Bowl and goes off.

01:54:14.000 It's amazing.

01:54:15.000 For some gay foundation, the people, but, you know.

01:54:19.000 What did he do?

01:54:21.000 This packed thing, all-star line-up, Bette Midler, to support gay people.

01:54:26.000 And he got on out there and he goes, where the fuck were you when they were burning Watts?

01:54:30.000 You could kiss my rich black ass.

01:54:33.000 Fuck you.

01:54:33.000 And he got off and the host got on.

01:54:35.000 I'm so embarrassed.

01:54:36.000 Oh my God.

01:54:37.000 And they're booing him and the next day it was in Variety and shit.

01:54:40.000 Really?

01:54:41.000 And how they gave him all this dough and they took it back.

01:54:43.000 He made Jim Brown the president of his company.

01:54:48.000 How much blow are you doing?

01:54:49.000 Well, he was doing a lot of things with Jim Brown.

01:54:52.000 Jim Brown is in his act, remember?

01:54:54.000 Like Jim telling him to get off cocaine.

01:54:56.000 Very interesting.

01:54:58.000 And yeah, you know what, man?

01:55:00.000 It makes you scared because you know that there's parts of that that relate.

01:55:03.000 We're obsession in other ways.

01:55:05.000 You know what they are.

01:55:05.000 We're obsessed in other ways.

01:55:07.000 It doesn't have to be cocaine and weapons.

01:55:09.000 He was married seven times.

01:55:12.000 What about the time when he went upstairs with the bitch and the guy goes, the next morning he knocked on my door.

01:55:17.000 I go, Richard, what are you doing?

01:55:18.000 He goes, I gotta get a divorce.

01:55:21.000 You know, it was just craziness.

01:55:23.000 That's crazy shit.

01:55:24.000 But that's what people don't know is when you're in that zone and you're at the comedy store and the Chinese guys are giving you drinks in the back.

01:55:32.000 I can't even imagine.

01:55:34.000 I couldn't imagine being there when Kennison was there with Lenny Clark.

01:55:38.000 And there's 18 hitters in the back, and everybody's drinking, and Mitchie Shaw.

01:55:42.000 And I know we always talk about this, but we gotta show the mental side of comedy.

01:55:46.000 Bro, you gotta be a savage.

01:55:48.000 There's a part of you that after a certain level, you have to become a savage.

01:55:51.000 You really do, man.

01:55:53.000 I'm a savage, and I'm proud of it.

01:55:55.000 Yeah, there's no way around it.

01:55:56.000 If you don't do it, you won't survive.

01:55:58.000 The very thing that you need to become a real comic, it's like you have to have this freedom.

01:56:04.000 You have to have a freedom of thinking.

01:56:05.000 You have this ability to go to these dark places.

01:56:08.000 And we learned that from that fucking crazy haunted house.

01:56:14.000 That's a big part.

01:56:15.000 You did a little, but you learned it there.

01:56:17.000 You learned it there.

01:56:18.000 You changed.

01:56:20.000 Listen, man, I remember being 16 and going home.

01:56:23.000 You were a junior in high school.

01:56:25.000 I wasn't sleeping.

01:56:27.000 I mean, at this time, there was no sleep happening.

01:56:28.000 I just wasn't sleeping.

01:56:30.000 What, you were doing coke?

01:56:31.000 I was doing coke by myself.

01:56:33.000 By yourself?

01:56:34.000 I would go home and listen to Master Reality by Black Sabbath.

01:56:37.000 I was just into the void and people having popes hanging on a rope.

01:56:41.000 And I would do the coke and I'd probably do a little hit of mescaline too or something to get me going.

01:56:45.000 And I'd sit in that fucking corner.

01:56:47.000 I didn't smoke cigarettes.

01:56:48.000 I didn't do nothing.

01:56:48.000 And I'd just go do this.

01:56:49.000 Look, I'd rock like a fucking retard.

01:56:52.000 Back and forth.

01:56:52.000 I still remember that shit.

01:56:54.000 And I'd be like, Jesus Christ, this is my life.

01:56:57.000 I'm gonna fucking kill somebody.

01:56:58.000 Listen to this shit.

01:57:01.000 How many days can you stay up for before you start going crazy?

01:57:06.000 There's a number, right?

01:57:07.000 Three.

01:57:07.000 Three?

01:57:08.000 How many days have you ever done it?

01:57:09.000 Coke?

01:57:10.000 How many days have you stayed up?

01:57:11.000 I've never done that.

01:57:12.000 You've never stayed up?

01:57:13.000 No, I never did that.

01:57:14.000 I still went to bed.

01:57:15.000 How many days have you stayed up?

01:57:16.000 One time, I stayed up three nights.

01:57:19.000 Oh my God.

01:57:20.000 Friday, Saturday.

01:57:21.000 And by Saturday night, I kept calling the police.

01:57:24.000 Right?

01:57:24.000 I kept calling the police, telling them that there was somebody in my house, right?

01:57:27.000 Oh!

01:57:28.000 This is when I was house-sitting on faraway road in Snowmass Village.

01:57:32.000 Wow.

01:57:33.000 Okay, and I'm up there, and me and my girlfriend were going off.

01:57:36.000 Listen to this.

01:57:36.000 Me and my girlfriend at the time are going to her brother's wedding, and I'm going to meet her parents for the first time.

01:57:42.000 And I went to New York, and I got two ounces of blow, and I gave one to an electrician buddy of mine.

01:57:47.000 And I said, hold an ounce of this.

01:57:49.000 I'm going to pick it up the night before I go to fucking this wedding.

01:57:53.000 And I get there about 11 o'clock on a Thursday night.

01:57:55.000 I pick up the ounce.

01:57:56.000 I go home.

01:57:57.000 About 1 o'clock, the motherfucker's calling me.

01:57:59.000 Wow.

01:58:00.000 I do a line.

01:58:00.000 I do another one.

01:58:01.000 Let me tell you how bad it got.

01:58:03.000 The dog I had at the time, Hercules, was probably a year old.

01:58:06.000 I loved him.

01:58:07.000 I didn't let him out of the house the whole weekend.

01:58:08.000 He held that piss like a soldier.

01:58:12.000 What?

01:58:12.000 For a whole weekend he held his piss?

01:58:14.000 I wouldn't let him out.

01:58:15.000 This is how crazy I was.

01:58:16.000 Is that possible?

01:58:16.000 Who the fuck cares?

01:58:17.000 He didn't piss.

01:58:18.000 I kept looking at him every time he cried.

01:58:19.000 That's it, you ain't going out.

01:58:21.000 And I had no porn, right?

01:58:23.000 So I whacked off to, what's the movie with the lady in red?

01:58:27.000 Vanessa Redgrave?

01:58:28.000 The lady in red, the chick that was married to Steve Segal, you fuck.

01:58:32.000 Oh, what is her name?

01:58:33.000 Michelle LeBrock.

01:58:35.000 Kelly LeBrock.

01:58:37.000 Kelly LeBrock in Woman in Red shows her pussy for a slip second.

01:58:42.000 No.

01:58:42.000 Yes, she does.

01:58:43.000 When Gene Wilder calls for her.

01:58:45.000 When Gene Wilder calls for her, she runs off to bed and they show her bush.

01:58:50.000 I figured out with the VCR how to lock it on her fucking bush.

01:58:54.000 And I'd sit there with my dick in my belly button and I'd whack it off.

01:58:57.000 And then I'd hear something happen and I'd call the cops.

01:59:00.000 And after the third time, they sat me down.

01:59:02.000 They're like, listen, you gotta stop doing cocaine.

01:59:04.000 I had the cocaine hidden in the sink.

01:59:06.000 So if somebody happened, I'd lift the water and hit the compressor button.

01:59:11.000 But there's one tiny minute in Lady in Red where she shows her fucking pussy.

01:59:17.000 She shows her red hot panties, right?

01:59:18.000 That's the idea?

01:59:19.000 No, she gets up off the bed.

01:59:21.000 It says, let's her dress fly and shows her red hot panties.

01:59:25.000 No, it's when Gene Wilder comes calling for her.

01:59:28.000 And she gets up and shows that little bush.

01:59:30.000 Oh, that drove me fucking crazy.

01:59:32.000 I sat there.

01:59:32.000 She...

01:59:33.000 She reminded me of an old girlfriend in high school.

01:59:35.000 She was beautiful.

01:59:37.000 My God.

01:59:39.000 Gene Wilder.

01:59:40.000 Gene Wilder and her were in a movie together naked.

01:59:43.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:59:44.000 What do you think I'm talking about?

01:59:45.000 That's crazy.

01:59:46.000 Yes.

01:59:46.000 I know.

01:59:47.000 I know what you're saying, but I'm like, that's crazy.

01:59:49.000 Lady in Red.

01:59:49.000 That's what it was called?

01:59:50.000 Lady.

01:59:51.000 Woman in Red.

01:59:51.000 I'm so sorry.

01:59:52.000 Woman in Red.

01:59:54.000 She was in Steven Seagal movies too, right?

01:59:56.000 She was in Back From War, whatever.

01:59:59.000 Back From War.

02:00:02.000 He started beating her, remember?

02:00:05.000 I don't know.

02:00:06.000 Yeah, he started beating her.

02:00:07.000 Remember, she was an acupuncturist.

02:00:08.000 Is that true?

02:00:09.000 Yeah, he was her acupuncturist.

02:00:11.000 And one day he just started beating.

02:00:12.000 He said, fuck the needle.

02:00:13.000 What?

02:00:17.000 Joe, you making shit up, man?

02:00:19.000 No, he did beat her.

02:00:20.000 He did something to her.

02:00:20.000 She's pissed.

02:00:21.000 She was on Celebrity Rehab, one of those celebrity losing weight shows.

02:00:25.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:26.000 Yeah, I'm telling you guys.

02:00:28.000 Come on now.

02:00:29.000 Yeah, she's hot now.

02:00:33.000 I think Steve Seagal's third movie was with her.

02:00:35.000 Back in Danger, whatever the fuck, with the kid.

02:00:37.000 They shot the kid and him with the wife, and then he went to the ranch.

02:00:42.000 Whoa!

02:00:44.000 Yeah, she gained the weight.

02:00:46.000 Stress, man.

02:00:47.000 A lot of goddamn stress.

02:00:48.000 She moved to a fucking ranch and started eating potato chips.

02:00:51.000 There was no stress.

02:00:52.000 With that Steven Seagal money, she saw what he made on one of those fucking movies.

02:00:56.000 Steven Seagal was getting paid, though, for a while.

02:00:59.000 He was a big megastar.

02:01:01.000 Oh yeah, no doubt.

02:01:02.000 Look at him.

02:01:03.000 Yeah, when he was doing like, Above the Law and all those movies.

02:01:06.000 Above the Law is a good movie.

02:01:08.000 Don't ever get confused.

02:01:08.000 It's a good fucking movie.

02:01:09.000 They would've never gave him another eight if Above the Law.

02:01:12.000 In the beginning when he's doing the classic Aikido dude.

02:01:14.000 Oh yeah.

02:01:15.000 That's how the movie starts.

02:01:16.000 Yeah.

02:01:16.000 When he goes to that bar and starts bit slapping people with that fucking straight arm to the neck, that was tremendous.

02:01:23.000 Then he started killing Jamaicans.

02:01:25.000 What was the movie with the fucking Jamaicans and shit?

02:01:27.000 I see that black dude auditions and shit.

02:01:29.000 I want to shake his hand.

02:01:30.000 What's the movie with the Jamaicans when he went to the mall with the Colombians and the Santeria?

02:01:35.000 Fucking tremendous, that movie.

02:01:37.000 What was that movie?

02:01:38.000 That was Back 4 More 2. Back 4 More 2. Oh, that's funny.

02:01:45.000 Okay, what is his Wikipedia?

02:01:47.000 We need to find out what the fuck that movie is.

02:01:49.000 He's still banging out movies.

02:01:50.000 Marked for Death.

02:01:51.000 That's a good one.

02:01:52.000 How many movies do you think he's done?

02:01:54.000 Take a guess.

02:01:54.000 Steven Seagal?

02:01:55.000 62. 67. I bet he's done.

02:01:58.000 Yeah.

02:01:59.000 Let's see.

02:02:01.000 Oh, he did stunts in some earlier movies, man.

02:02:05.000 Never Say Never Again.

02:02:06.000 Is that a James Bond movie?

02:02:07.000 Yeah.

02:02:08.000 He was a martial arts instructor in that.

02:02:10.000 Yeah.

02:02:11.000 View to a Kill, and then Above the Law...

02:02:15.000 Was like 88. Yeah, that was his first movie.

02:02:18.000 Damn, this motherfucker's done a lot of movies.

02:02:19.000 When I kidnapped that dude, and the cops were looking for me, I hid out with Above the Law and Lethal Weapon.

02:02:25.000 And I fucking watched him over and over.

02:02:27.000 And I was blown away by Above the Law.

02:02:29.000 I really was.

02:02:29.000 I was blown away.

02:02:30.000 Look at that.

02:02:30.000 The Jamaicans.

02:02:31.000 What was his name?

02:02:32.000 What was the...

02:02:33.000 Quiz, what was the fucking black?

02:02:34.000 One-eye?

02:02:35.000 Glass-eye?

02:02:36.000 What was the Jamaican's name?

02:02:37.000 I don't remember.

02:02:37.000 Remember he killed a brother and then the brother popped up?

02:02:41.000 Well, you know...

02:02:41.000 Oh, he had a glass-eye, right?

02:02:42.000 Something.

02:02:43.000 Something weird.

02:02:44.000 His fight scenes in these early movies were like the first realistic fight scenes in a movie.

02:02:50.000 Where a dude was like slapping guys' arms down and fucking knuckling them in the face.

02:02:56.000 It wasn't like these giant...

02:02:57.000 You know what I mean?

02:02:58.000 It was more like that.

02:03:00.000 It wasn't like...

02:03:01.000 It was the first time we ever saw Aikido, but it wasn't like a giant flying split kick where he kicks two dudes at the same time.

02:03:10.000 Yeah.

02:03:10.000 It was more brutal than we had ever seen in movies before.

02:03:15.000 As far as karate scenes, it seemed more brutal and more realistic.

02:03:18.000 I never saw a Steven Seagal movie in a black movie theater, but it must be real.

02:03:22.000 And they cheer for white people.

02:03:25.000 Black people don't cheer for black people in movie theaters.

02:03:27.000 They cheer for white people smacking the fuck.

02:03:29.000 I saw Rambo, too.

02:03:31.000 I saw the second Rambo on 178th Street in Harlem.

02:03:34.000 It was one of the funniest things I had ever.

02:03:36.000 To this day, I always say it.

02:03:38.000 When he opens his eyes in the mud...

02:03:41.000 Remember that scene when he opens his eyes and he stands, the German guy?

02:03:44.000 Yes.

02:03:45.000 Black people went fucking bananas, dog.

02:03:47.000 But I had never seen nothing like that.

02:03:49.000 I can't even imagine a Steven Seagal movie on the 78th Street.

02:03:53.000 Back in the day.

02:03:54.000 Back in the day.

02:03:54.000 We missed the window.

02:03:55.000 The window was right about above the law.

02:03:58.000 If you got in above the law in the 1980s and went to Harlem and watched Above the Law, I bet it would be one of the most incredible experiences of your life.

02:04:05.000 You'd laugh your ass off.

02:04:06.000 Well, I saw Planet of the fucking Apes in Philly.

02:04:09.000 Me and Tommy Jr. and his girl, we went to a theater in the middle of Philly, and this was like when the UFC had fights in Philly.

02:04:19.000 We got there like a day early.

02:04:21.000 We played pool, and we got so high, we were terrified of our own shadow, and then we went to this black neighborhood.

02:04:26.000 It was the only place that they had.

02:04:29.000 We didn't even know.

02:04:30.000 We didn't know it was like an urban neighborhood.

02:04:31.000 Until we got there.

02:04:33.000 But once we were in the theater, we were like, oh my god, we're the only white people here.

02:04:35.000 There was maybe three other white people.

02:04:37.000 We found each other, we huddled together, and then we went to the movie theater.

02:04:40.000 But when we got in there, it was hilarious, man.

02:04:43.000 Hilarious.

02:04:43.000 There's dudes who are artists at Yelling Shit Out.

02:04:47.000 These dudes are artists.

02:04:49.000 They do it perfectly.

02:04:50.000 Oh, you fucked up now!

02:04:51.000 Yeah.

02:04:52.000 Like, I don't like it for the most part.

02:04:55.000 It's gotta be funny.

02:04:56.000 Most people are bad at it.

02:04:57.000 It's gotta be funny.

02:04:57.000 If it's funny, it's brilliant.

02:04:59.000 Yeah.

02:04:59.000 And some dudes try too hard.

02:05:01.000 The worst is when there's a funny dude and his not funny friend is like fucking really loud.

02:05:06.000 He tries too hard.

02:05:07.000 Like one dude will say some funny shit and then his other friends will chime in and try to like top him and they can't.

02:05:13.000 They don't know they're not funny yet.

02:05:15.000 I saw a Clint Eastwood marathon in San Francisco on the Tenderloin when Clint Eastwood tells the guy to pick up the gun and the black guy yells in the back, shoot that black motherfucker!

02:05:27.000 The place went down.

02:05:29.000 He just said, shoot that black motherfucker!

02:05:36.000 When Planet of the Apes.

02:05:37.000 They cheerful white people.

02:05:38.000 It's amazing.

02:05:39.000 Did you see Planet of the Apes, the new one?

02:05:41.000 No, no, no.

02:05:41.000 You didn't see it?

02:05:42.000 No.

02:05:42.000 It's fucking good, Joey.

02:05:43.000 It's fucking good.

02:05:44.000 I can't.

02:05:45.000 I enjoyed it.

02:05:45.000 I know you wouldn't go see The Mechanic.

02:05:48.000 You wouldn't go see the...

02:05:49.000 Was it Jason Statham or was Jason Statham was The Mechanic?

02:05:51.000 You wouldn't go see that out of respect for Charles Bronson.

02:05:54.000 But when it was on television, I caught the first 10 minutes of it on Showtime and I was correct.

02:05:58.000 You were correct?

02:05:59.000 They blew it.

02:06:01.000 Well...

02:06:03.000 Yeah.

02:06:23.000 And they would line up to Sunset to suck that blonde hair.

02:06:26.000 Especially after the movie he did on Baby Blue Marine.

02:06:29.000 Come on now.

02:06:30.000 And then they put him with the ugliest man in Hollywood, Charles Bronson.

02:06:32.000 And he went crazy, right?

02:06:34.000 Did he go crazy?

02:06:34.000 Yeah, he looks like a fucking truck hit him.

02:06:36.000 He went nutty.

02:06:36.000 Yeah, poor guy.

02:06:37.000 He was in Malibu, eating pills, drinking cocktails, They say that that's the place to go if you want to eat pills.

02:06:44.000 If you want to be like a rich old person that eats pills, Malibu is your spot.

02:06:47.000 Like everyone in Malibu is like, you know, there's like a bunch of refugees from Hollywood that are older and just chewing pills now.

02:06:54.000 Like littered in between people who like to jog and ride bikes.

02:06:58.000 There's like just people staring at the ocean just popping pills all day.

02:07:02.000 You know what the worst thing about those pills are?

02:07:04.000 What?

02:07:05.000 How long they stay in your system.

02:07:07.000 And how you don't feel it while you're eating those things.

02:07:10.000 Not until you get off those things.

02:07:12.000 Like when you get a knee surgery, I feel bad.

02:07:16.000 Because America doesn't really know this.

02:07:17.000 You didn't eat your vikonins after your surgeries.

02:07:19.000 No, I don't like that stuff.

02:07:21.000 You'd rather take a leave because you know.

02:07:23.000 You know what it does to you.

02:07:24.000 It destroys your system.

02:07:26.000 It eats apart your fucking stomach lining.

02:07:28.000 You gotta eat tons of fucking yogurt with them.

02:07:30.000 Pills are a slow fucking death in this country.

02:07:33.000 And people have no idea.

02:07:35.000 I didn't, but I was never really an opiate guy.

02:07:37.000 I ate some volumes when I snorted some coke to get the dick going.

02:07:40.000 You know, you ate some gorilla biscuits.

02:07:42.000 But there's people who eat those, like that thing you always talk about, that Florida Road.

02:07:46.000 Yeah.

02:07:47.000 That documentary about Florida.

02:07:48.000 The OxyContin Express.

02:07:49.000 You have no fucking idea.

02:07:50.000 I told you, dog, I did a 16th one time.

02:07:52.000 My blood pressure went up, I had to lay down.

02:07:55.000 Those things are different.

02:07:56.000 That synthetic heroin ain't the best thing in the world for you.

02:07:59.000 You might as well pull it off the street and do a little bump.

02:08:02.000 Synthetic heroin is made not to fucking addict you, but to fucking destroy you.

02:08:07.000 You know, it's like cocaine.

02:08:08.000 It's like now.

02:08:09.000 I go to places.

02:08:10.000 Listen, I really enjoy getting high, Red Band.

02:08:14.000 I really do.

02:08:15.000 But guess what?

02:08:16.000 When you show up with a fucking dab and a pipe and a fucking torch and shit like that, it's time for you to stop.

02:08:23.000 Why does everybody always want to make crack out of everything?

02:08:26.000 Oh, I know.

02:08:26.000 First they did it to coke.

02:08:27.000 You just couldn't snort coke no more.

02:08:29.000 Now I've got to mix it with gasoline and fucking toenails, put it in a jar with paint, and smoke it.

02:08:35.000 No, no, no.

02:08:36.000 That's not strong enough.

02:08:37.000 Well, that's what people are always doing.

02:08:38.000 It's just amazing.

02:08:39.000 If you blow him, he wants to stick it to your ass.

02:08:41.000 No.

02:08:41.000 Now, you know, you got a good point there, at least a finger, but now, you know, they got so much fucking weed stuff coming at you, and it's great, but I still like rolling the fucking joint.

02:08:51.000 Like, I'm done.

02:08:52.000 I still like rolling the joint.

02:08:53.000 You know what I like about rolling the joint, man?

02:08:55.000 I like the, like...

02:08:57.000 The karma, the energy.

02:08:58.000 The energy of it.

02:08:59.000 It's like the...

02:09:00.000 You dry the paper.

02:09:01.000 I wanted to say the celebration of it, but it's not the celebration.

02:09:03.000 The ritual.

02:09:04.000 That's what I was looking for.

02:09:05.000 I like the ritual of, like, here we go.

02:09:07.000 Like, I'm preparing for it.

02:09:08.000 I'm getting it rolled up.

02:09:09.000 Let's smoke some right now.

02:09:10.000 In Florida, this is the craziest statistic ever.

02:09:14.000 We've read it before, but if you haven't heard that podcast, Florida prescribes 10 times more oxycodone pills than every other state in the country combined.

02:09:24.000 Damn.

02:09:27.000 That's a scary, scary thing that those pills have taken over so strongly.

02:09:32.000 Add the blow in there.

02:09:34.000 Add the blow concept to this now.

02:09:37.000 Oh, Florida's so medicated.

02:09:38.000 So you've got Oxycontins everywhere.

02:09:40.000 Now, you're adding blow to that shit.

02:09:42.000 Wouldn't it be cool if they had an app to show where people are sober?

02:09:45.000 If, like, your app, like, if you hold your phone, it tells you if you're on heroin, and just, you look, I got a map.

02:09:51.000 Like, we were looking at that porn map, all the cream pies and all that shit.

02:09:54.000 Find out what percentage of Florida is not on pain pills right now.

02:09:58.000 Ready?

02:09:59.000 Go.

02:09:59.000 We are not hip enough, but I guarantee...

02:10:02.000 That we're three years behind.

02:10:04.000 That there is somebody right now moving kilos of cocaine online through UPS or whatever one of those systems that nobody even knows.

02:10:12.000 And a delivery system.

02:10:14.000 Well, you know about Silk Road.

02:10:16.000 Have you heard about Silk Road?

02:10:17.000 I don't know nothing about nothing, but I'm just saying that there's got to be somebody selling coke on Twitter.

02:10:21.000 Well, there was an article about it.

02:10:22.000 There's an article about a website that somehow or another is able to transact illicit deals and people send poop senders.

02:10:30.000 Yeah, if you want to buy any poop, they got gorilla poop, turkey, cow poop, elephant crap, gorilla poop.

02:10:35.000 Why would anybody want to buy poop?

02:10:38.000 Look up, see if there's a...

02:10:40.000 What is that Silk Road thing?

02:10:41.000 That's the thing that everybody can't look it up.

02:10:44.000 You shouldn't talk about it?

02:10:46.000 Don't talk about it.

02:10:47.000 Whatever.

02:10:47.000 It's too late.

02:10:48.000 People know about it.

02:10:49.000 The government knows about it.

02:10:50.000 It's all over the news.

02:10:51.000 Bedbathandbeyond.com.

02:10:52.000 Yeah.

02:10:53.000 Something like that.

02:10:54.000 But there's ways that people are doing it where they're figuring out how to...

02:10:59.000 But I mean, how long are they going to be able to do that?

02:11:01.000 And then what happens if somehow in the future they can go back retroactively and look up the database of who bought heroin or whatever through this fucking crazy website?

02:11:10.000 Would you sign on as Joe Rogan?

02:11:12.000 Of course.

02:11:13.000 No, you would not.

02:11:13.000 Believe me.

02:11:14.000 No, you would not.

02:11:15.000 So anybody who's going to buy heroin online is going to...

02:11:18.000 Be a little crafty.

02:11:19.000 You're going to hide your name.

02:11:20.000 It's like you're going to be a commenter on YouTube.

02:11:23.000 You're not going to go on there as Joey Diaz and say crazy shit about Taylor Swift.

02:11:26.000 If you have a Mac and you have a...

02:11:31.000 I think you're controlling your heroin use.

02:11:34.000 You could quick a fucking switch and 20 minutes later some guy delivers it to your door.

02:11:38.000 Now you know them, but this is the new way.

02:11:41.000 You don't even have to call no more.

02:11:42.000 It seems like once there's a desire for something, it's impossible to stop people from figuring out a way to get it to people, especially if it's illegal.

02:11:52.000 And it only makes sense that they'd be using the internet, right?

02:11:56.000 It's brilliant.

02:11:57.000 It is brilliant.

02:11:59.000 There's no way else.

02:12:00.000 I mean, it's going to happen, right?

02:12:03.000 I mean, it's not like anybody's going to hide that shit.

02:12:05.000 Speaking of hiding that shit, listen to this.

02:12:09.000 There was a dude in China that got arrested.

02:12:12.000 He went to jail because he convinced a girl that her vagina was haunted and that he had to get rid of the ghost with his penis.

02:12:23.000 So they arrested him for this.

02:12:26.000 They arrested him after he claimed that he could get rid of it.

02:12:31.000 The paranormal enthusiast allegedly charged $3,250 to perform the sexorcism.

02:12:39.000 What a brilliant man.

02:12:40.000 Come on, man.

02:12:41.000 That dude is a pimp, and you're hating.

02:12:43.000 You're hating on that guy.

02:12:44.000 I give that guy the key to the city, Doug.

02:12:46.000 That's a fucking...

02:12:47.000 You talk a woman at the town, there's a ghost and a monkey.

02:12:50.000 You're a fucking genius.

02:12:51.000 Not just as a ghost.

02:12:53.000 She's got to give him money.

02:12:55.000 That's a great idea.

02:12:57.000 Not even fuck her, but give her money to boo.

02:12:59.000 I want to see what this girl looks like.

02:13:00.000 There's got to be a picture of this dummy.

02:13:02.000 Not so far.

02:13:04.000 I don't really want to see her picture.

02:13:05.000 I'll be sad.

02:13:07.000 Poor gal.

02:13:09.000 His name was Huang Jianwan.

02:13:13.000 Brilliant.

02:13:14.000 Huang, H-U-A-N-G, G-I-A-N. He was that little Chinese dude in the back that got fucking A's and everybody threw fucking paper clips at him.

02:13:23.000 Look, he's a gangster.

02:13:24.000 Now he's getting his dick sucked and getting paid.

02:13:27.000 That really is funny, man.

02:13:29.000 That is classic.

02:13:30.000 That's classic type shit.

02:13:31.000 He explained the ghost in her vagina were preventing her boss from falling in love with her.

02:13:36.000 Oh, my God.

02:13:37.000 Check this.

02:13:40.000 So she must have come to him and said, I want my boss to fall in love with me.

02:13:44.000 And so she was a conniver, man.

02:13:46.000 So he convinced her...

02:13:49.000 Because the ghosts in her vagina were preventing her boss from falling in love with her.

02:13:54.000 Holy shit.

02:13:55.000 A ghost that he could easily catch with his penis.

02:13:59.000 How could you fucking arrest that guy?

02:14:02.000 Come on, man.

02:14:04.000 Because they don't have high five there?

02:14:05.000 That's rude.

02:14:08.000 Arresting this guy for that is rude.

02:14:09.000 You should be able to go to court and say, well, your honor, what I told her was that her vagina was haunted and the only way she's going to be able to steal her boss away from his wife is if she let me fuck her and catch the ghost with my dick.

02:14:23.000 Get the fuck out of my court.

02:14:26.000 You'd be like, get your lunchbox and get the fuck out.

02:14:31.000 You wanted to sue him for what?

02:14:33.000 You thought that was true?

02:14:35.000 You thought really he was going to get the ghost out with his dick?

02:14:39.000 Get the fuck out of my car.

02:14:40.000 How can you call the cops and tell them this shit in a straight face?

02:14:43.000 Listen, I gotta arrest the guy.

02:14:44.000 He stuck his dick in my fucking whatever until he had a ghost in there.

02:14:48.000 Okay.

02:14:48.000 He fucking totally lied to me.

02:14:50.000 I guess it's the money.

02:14:52.000 It was the $3,250 that they had a problem with.

02:14:55.000 But meanwhile, how can they prove it?

02:14:58.000 She probably wrote a check.

02:15:00.000 How can they prove it?

02:15:01.000 How can they prove that he didn't get the ghost out?

02:15:04.000 Smell it.

02:15:05.000 Ectoplasm?

02:15:08.000 Smell it?

02:15:09.000 Smell it.

02:15:10.000 See if it smells haunted.

02:15:12.000 If it smells like a shoe.

02:15:13.000 It could be a rigged game though.

02:15:15.000 She waits right until you start and she farts right in your face.

02:15:17.000 Nah, I can't fart out like that.

02:15:19.000 It's a fucking crazy world out there, though.

02:15:21.000 You can talk people into anything.

02:15:23.000 Well, you can definitely talk some people into almost anything.

02:15:26.000 Into anything.

02:15:27.000 Go to a farmer's market on Sunday.

02:15:31.000 Just pick somebody.

02:15:32.000 Any of those Laurel Canyon farmer's markets, just stay in the back.

02:15:35.000 Go to Burning Man.

02:15:37.000 Oh, they got the hat on, the whole fucking thing.

02:15:39.000 How many people do you think you could talk and join a cult if you went to Burning Man?

02:15:43.000 Three.

02:15:45.000 You could have three.

02:15:46.000 You could walk out of there with a little leash.

02:15:48.000 I gotta have a plan.

02:15:50.000 I gotta have a plan where to take them.

02:15:52.000 You know, why the reason why they have to suck your dick.

02:15:55.000 The drink from the anointing of the sick, the whole thing.

02:15:58.000 You've got to have a plan.

02:16:00.000 You just can't go to Burning Man and drop knowledge on bitches.

02:16:03.000 You've got to have a plan.

02:16:04.000 Well, you have to have a little bit of a plan, but then from there you can make it up as you go along.

02:16:07.000 And it's tremendous, because you can get a soldier, and then his girlfriend, and then his girlfriend, and then you recruit two chicks and some motherfucking Momo, and you're off and running.

02:16:16.000 One of those idiots is a trust fund, baby.

02:16:19.000 Right, at least one.

02:16:20.000 Listen, what can you get from your dad?

02:16:21.000 Well, he's such a pig.

02:16:23.000 You know, he makes condoms and cigarettes, and he sells them to little Chinese kids.

02:16:27.000 He's a banker.

02:16:27.000 He's an asshole.

02:16:28.000 He's an asshole.

02:16:29.000 I could probably get $10,000.

02:16:31.000 Okay, get $10,000.

02:16:33.000 Yeah, I wonder how many of those people pretend to be kidnapped so that their dad has to send money.

02:16:37.000 Bro, I lived in Boulder, and I remember kids coming to me and going, listen, give me a week.

02:16:42.000 I've got to come up with $7,500 for my...

02:16:43.000 I remember them saying they'd work their dads.

02:16:46.000 And then they'd walk around poor, telling people they're poor.

02:16:49.000 And my God, this is so hard living in Boulder.

02:16:52.000 Meanwhile, they're driving a fucking Volvo with an airbag, the whole fucking deal.

02:16:56.000 Well, I know a dude who's really rich who drives, like, beat-up cars because he grew up rich.

02:17:00.000 Yeah.

02:17:00.000 And he, like, has a pickup truck.

02:17:02.000 So he drives a pickup truck on purpose.

02:17:04.000 Like, he wants to think that he's, like, a country guy.

02:17:06.000 Yeah.

02:17:07.000 Well, you know, I'm just trying to make it, and it's here a big city.

02:17:10.000 You know, a millionaire.

02:17:11.000 That's the real.

02:17:12.000 That's the people you gotta be scared of.

02:17:14.000 Those are the people you gotta be scared of.

02:17:15.000 Well, I think someone growing up in that kind of environment, if you grew up with, like...

02:17:21.000 Name the name.

02:17:22.000 Super rich, multi-billionaire parents living on yachts and flying away to boarding school.

02:17:29.000 Your reality is so bizarre.

02:17:31.000 Your reality of the potential of your future.

02:17:34.000 If you grow up and your parents are weapons manufacturers, And your parents have an island off of Greece.

02:17:39.000 You know, and the dad flies out there in a G5, and they're selling machine guns in Saudi Arabia.

02:17:44.000 You do breakfast at the President's house.

02:17:46.000 You do breakfast at fucking Clinton's.

02:17:48.000 And you shoot your guns with Clinton, and Bush comes over, and he brings something tied up, and you shoot him.

02:17:54.000 Bro, that's...

02:17:54.000 I can't even fucking imagine.

02:17:58.000 I can't even fathom that.

02:17:59.000 You know, being that.

02:18:00.000 But just think of what...

02:18:01.000 Yeah, you're right.

02:18:02.000 Well, I've been there, Joey Diaz.

02:18:03.000 I know you have.

02:18:04.000 Bohemian Grove!

02:18:07.000 I filmed them worshipping Molech the Owl God!

02:18:10.000 Have you seen that video that he did?

02:18:12.000 No.

02:18:13.000 He did a video of him live from Bohemian Grove.

02:18:15.000 It's like Alex Jones is one of his first videos.

02:18:17.000 They really do, he's right, they really do have like a ritual that they do there.

02:18:22.000 If you find it online, I guarantee it's up there.

02:18:24.000 Alex Jones live in Bohemian Grove.

02:18:26.000 They find, he goes there and these dudes, they're in front of this gigantic stone owl.

02:18:31.000 And they have these sticks, and they say they're going to burn these sticks like it's an effigy.

02:18:36.000 I guess the idea behind that is that the sticks are supposed to represent a sacrifice.

02:18:39.000 And in the old days, they actually used to take a person and light them on fire.

02:18:43.000 This is Alex Jones.

02:18:43.000 He's much younger.

02:18:45.000 I was there, ladies and gentlemen, hiding in the bushes, watching this satanic ritual take place with your tax dollars!

02:18:53.000 These dudes put on robes, and they go out there with torches.

02:18:57.000 That's eyes wide shut.

02:18:58.000 That's the same shit.

02:19:00.000 Don't fuck with the music.

02:19:02.000 Or the sound, rather.

02:19:05.000 Listen to this.

02:19:10.000 Now, come on.

02:19:19.000 This is fucking beyond crazy.

02:19:21.000 Because this is real.

02:19:23.000 No wonder Alex Jones is so crazy.

02:19:25.000 If you went there live and you saw this, you would believe that anything is possible.

02:19:29.000 If there's some dude who has a bundle of sticks, is there a woman that they're pretending that they're going to sacrifice?

02:19:35.000 Is that the idea?

02:19:36.000 Is there a woman who's like, tied up there?

02:19:40.000 I wish I knew the whole story.

02:19:43.000 See, it looks like they got like a person that they're going to pretend to sacrifice, then they burn these sticks.

02:19:50.000 And it's like, what?

02:19:52.000 Like, just knowing that that's real.

02:19:54.000 Is this in Texas?

02:19:56.000 I don't know.

02:19:57.000 Let's look it up.

02:19:57.000 Seems like it would be.

02:19:58.000 Let's look it up.

02:19:59.000 Bohemian Grove.

02:20:00.000 Hold on, let's do the soundtrack.

02:20:01.000 This is amazing.

02:20:02.000 This is the soundtrack of death right here.

02:20:04.000 Listen to this.

02:20:09.000 No, it's in California.

02:20:12.000 Oh, my God.

02:20:12.000 That makes sense.

02:20:13.000 Wow, it sounded so southern, though.

02:20:14.000 Like, you're like...

02:20:17.000 Did it?

02:20:18.000 It sounded, you know...

02:20:19.000 Where'd this happen?

02:20:20.000 Tell me where this happened so I can avoid this fucking neighborhood.

02:20:23.000 Where'd this happen?

02:20:23.000 Past Visalia, right?

02:20:25.000 Somewhere in northern California.

02:20:26.000 Yeah, this is past Visalia before San Francisco.

02:20:28.000 You killed it.

02:20:29.000 You pulled over for a taco, they're done.

02:20:32.000 Alex Jones of Bohemian Grove.

02:20:33.000 Live, famous footage.

02:20:35.000 This is what tuned me in to the Illuminati, ladies and gentlemen.

02:20:38.000 There was a dark time before that where they hid in the shadows.

02:20:44.000 Wow.

02:20:44.000 This is real.

02:20:45.000 That's so strange.

02:20:47.000 I mean, even if it's just for a goof, if people go, oh, you're just misconstruing what's going on there.

02:20:53.000 The idea is just for fun.

02:20:56.000 What kind of an asshole stands around in a robe waiting for all this stupid shit to take place?

02:21:02.000 Like, this has taken place for over, like, 15, 20 minutes, and they're all in orderly line, like, waiting on this in this very weird ritual.

02:21:10.000 Like, who would want to participate in this?

02:21:14.000 So the idea is that there's a Washington Post article about it.

02:21:18.000 If they had better music, it would be cool.

02:21:20.000 I mean, like, look at that.

02:21:21.000 There's a bunch of fire and people dressed up and smoke.

02:21:23.000 But there's not even moving.

02:21:24.000 It's not like they're dancing.

02:21:26.000 Like, what if they had great music and they're just standing still?

02:21:28.000 See, that's so much better.

02:21:31.000 That's going to get us pulled from YouTube.

02:21:33.000 You fuck.

02:21:33.000 The digital signatures, goddammit.

02:21:35.000 I scrambled the signal.

02:21:36.000 Didn't you hear it?

02:21:37.000 Oh, yeah.

02:21:38.000 So there's an article here in the Washington Post about this Bohemian Grove thing and these guys are standing around these gigantic redwood trees and shit and they're all these like really super rich guys.

02:21:48.000 It says, two future U.S. presidents, Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon, are pictured with Harvey Hancock, not to be confused with Herbie Hancock, or Herbie...

02:21:58.000 Was that the guy?

02:21:59.000 The love bug?

02:21:59.000 No.

02:22:00.000 Herbie Hancock was the musician, right?

02:22:03.000 Harvey Hancock standing and others at the Bohemian Grove in the summer of 1967. Wow.

02:22:09.000 This is amazing.

02:22:10.000 Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon.

02:22:12.000 Check this out.

02:22:13.000 Nixon said in his Watergate tapes...

02:22:15.000 He said, if I were to choose the speech that gave me the most pleasure and satisfaction in my political career, it would be the Lakeside speech at the Bohemian Grove in 1967. Because this speech traditionally was off the record and received no publicity at the time.

02:22:30.000 But then he said, the Bohemian Grove that I attended from time to time, the Easterners and the others came there and it became the most faggy goddamn thing you could ever imagine.

02:22:41.000 Richard Nixon.

02:22:42.000 Nixon said that?

02:22:43.000 Yeah.

02:22:44.000 That San Francisco crowd that goes there, it's just terrible.

02:22:47.000 I mean, I won't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco.

02:22:50.000 Nixon said that?

02:22:51.000 Nixon was just a terrible human being.

02:22:55.000 Look at this picture of this photo of Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon talking to this guy.

02:23:04.000 It's really strange.

02:23:06.000 They really do have a place where these old, rich, elite guys get together and sit down.

02:23:14.000 And talk about shit.

02:23:16.000 Like, they really did have places like that, where they would meet up in these special locations.

02:23:20.000 Like, that idea has always been like this wacky conspiracy theory thing, that the elites get together and they meet and they wear robes.

02:23:27.000 But, no, they fucking really do.

02:23:29.000 Like, look at that.

02:23:30.000 Look, they're hanging around in a forest, and Nixon and Ronald Reagan are there with their dinner jackets on.

02:23:38.000 Colonel Sanders.

02:23:40.000 Looks like John Wayne in the lower right, doesn't it?

02:23:43.000 Yeah.

02:23:43.000 It looks like a little John Wayne-ish.

02:23:47.000 Bunch of weird old dudes.

02:23:50.000 So strange.

02:23:52.000 Not one fucking black dude.

02:23:54.000 Of course not.

02:23:55.000 It's going to be long after these guys are gone.

02:23:58.000 Obviously Reagan and Nixon are both gone now, but long, long after anybody who's alive now, in the future we're going to have a whisper of what happened there.

02:24:07.000 Somebody's going to find a letter, there's got to be proof, a picture, a photograph.

02:24:12.000 Something, somebody's gonna write some crazy shit down.

02:24:14.000 Who that chick was in that picture in 1957?

02:24:16.000 She was never seen after that night.

02:24:18.000 Tucked away in an attic somewhere.

02:24:20.000 It'll all be hearsay.

02:24:23.000 2,700 acre compound.

02:24:25.000 2,000, excuse me.

02:24:27.000 2,700 acre compound in Monterio, California.

02:24:31.000 For two weeks of heavy drinking, super secret talks, druid worship.

02:24:36.000 The group insists that they are simply revering the Redwoods and other rituals.

02:24:41.000 Their purpose?

02:24:42.000 To escape the frontier culture or uncivilized interests of common man.

02:24:48.000 Wow.

02:24:49.000 This is the fucking Washington Post who wrote this.

02:24:52.000 The people that gather at Bohemian Grove, who have included prominent business leaders, former U.S. presidents, musicians, and oil barons, are told that weaving spiders come not here, meaning that business deals are to be left outside.

02:25:06.000 One exception was in 1942 when planning for the Manhattan Project took place at the Grove, leading to the creation of the atomic bomb.

02:25:15.000 God damn!

02:25:16.000 Joey Diaz, answer me this truthfully.

02:25:18.000 How hard did that edible kick in about 15 minutes ago?

02:25:21.000 I have no idea.

02:25:22.000 He thinks you're talking about Bohemian Rhapsody.

02:25:23.000 He got to a certain point where I saw him check out.

02:25:26.000 I saw his eyes roll back, and I'm like, okay, it's there.

02:25:30.000 No, I'm good, I'm good.

02:25:31.000 I've been good all day.

02:25:31.000 Is it a Chibachu?

02:25:32.000 Did a Chibachu take you to deep waters?

02:25:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:25:35.000 What's the 70 what?

02:25:36.000 70 milligrams of the pain.

02:25:38.000 I took a pop of one of those.

02:25:39.000 70 milligrams.

02:25:40.000 What is a normal dose?

02:25:41.000 It's like 10?

02:25:43.000 20, 30. 70?

02:25:46.000 70's nothing.

02:25:47.000 It's 175 is the decade.

02:25:49.000 175. That's 175, the one that makes people fucking cringe.

02:25:53.000 That's scary, right?

02:25:54.000 That's a scary one.

02:25:55.000 That's too scary.

02:25:56.000 That's a little too real.

02:25:57.000 You're making me nervous.

02:25:58.000 Life becomes too real.

02:26:00.000 I saw that movie trailer that was pulled that you were in.

02:26:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:26:03.000 It looked really good, actually.

02:26:05.000 Yeah, it pulled everything.

02:26:05.000 You had a great line in it.

02:26:07.000 What movie trailer?

02:26:08.000 Fucking everything, dog.

02:26:08.000 I'm not going to say what it is.

02:26:10.000 What are you talking about?

02:26:12.000 Jelly Diaz in this picture.

02:26:13.000 No, what are you talking about for a movie deal?

02:26:16.000 Some movie trailer shit that they put up.

02:26:18.000 What is it?

02:26:18.000 They took it down to their own movie.

02:26:20.000 Why'd they take it down?

02:26:21.000 I have no idea.

02:26:22.000 One of the brothers took it down.

02:26:23.000 But they put it up?

02:26:24.000 Somebody else put it up.

02:26:25.000 I don't know.

02:26:26.000 It was a leaked trailer.

02:26:27.000 Oh, how do you leak a trailer?

02:26:30.000 Somebody that's paid to edit it gets paid $10 an hour and he just puts it online or something like that.

02:26:34.000 Oh!

02:26:34.000 It's amazing.

02:26:35.000 So he made his own trailer?

02:26:36.000 It's amazing how people...

02:26:37.000 He gets paid to do it.

02:26:38.000 He's probably at home sitting in Burbank doing it.

02:26:41.000 So I got the story.

02:26:42.000 It's something fucking unique.

02:26:44.000 Like the high-level people who rob those movies, they don't rob the movie from the movie theater with the camera no more.

02:26:50.000 No.

02:26:51.000 They rob them.

02:26:51.000 They tap into Warner Brothers or Fox.

02:26:54.000 Or Sony.

02:26:56.000 They tap in like the week before the movie gets released.

02:26:58.000 Or a month before it gets released.

02:27:00.000 They take the movie out, it's backwards.

02:27:03.000 It travels backwards.

02:27:05.000 They have to unwind it, whatever.

02:27:07.000 Boom!

02:27:08.000 Back in business.

02:27:09.000 Is that what they do?

02:27:10.000 So they break into the FTP sites?

02:27:12.000 The movie is out before the movie's out.

02:27:17.000 Yeah.

02:27:17.000 The movies in this country come out three days before you go see them on Friday.

02:27:21.000 Some of them do.

02:27:21.000 If you go into any big market, Detroit, New York, with fucking these badass motherfuckers, Tuesday you could get whatever movie you want, even though the movie's not coming out till Friday.

02:27:33.000 Do you remember when you used to be able to buy them on the street?

02:27:35.000 Yeah.

02:27:36.000 And there were these VHS tapes.

02:27:37.000 That's how I bought Pop Fiction.

02:27:38.000 They had a cover that was a copy of the real cover, and it was obviously a common computer printer copy.

02:27:46.000 Yeah.

02:27:46.000 I made good, maybe allegedly made great money selling Pulp Fiction bootlegs on campus.

02:27:53.000 You know, I've never bought a fucking illegal film.

02:27:56.000 I was always scared to stop for those things.

02:27:58.000 I don't know why.

02:27:59.000 Especially in New York City, I was always, just don't stop.

02:28:02.000 Yeah, it's a sketch.

02:28:03.000 Just eliminate the whole fucking problem.

02:28:05.000 There's a lot of times I bought them and they were empty.

02:28:07.000 There was nothing there.

02:28:08.000 I knew guys in the 70s that were taking boxes like Crazy Eddie.

02:28:24.000 Yeah, that was real common.

02:28:28.000 The pulling up and asking if you want to buy some stereo equipment.

02:28:31.000 Yeah, I don't want nothing.

02:28:33.000 I don't want nothing.

02:28:34.000 Go keep driving.

02:28:35.000 You know, they had that crazy Eddie story.

02:28:37.000 That was brilliant.

02:28:38.000 That's a weird thing about urban environments, isn't it?

02:28:40.000 Yeah.

02:28:40.000 In cities, there's always a scam that's getting run.

02:28:43.000 But I knew there was one point where the scam went sour.

02:28:46.000 There was one point where I heard, you hear shit that people were selling thermoses and their glasses broke.

02:28:51.000 You know, and then you just say, fuck it.

02:28:53.000 Why even start going?

02:28:54.000 I might get a great deal.

02:28:57.000 Oh, I might get bullshit, then I gotta go back looking for the fucking guy the next day for $8.

02:29:01.000 Is it really worth the aggravation, you know?

02:29:03.000 But I remember going back to New York in 94, after I got divorced, and a friend of mine goes, I got a job selling cars.

02:29:11.000 And he goes, how much money?

02:29:12.000 I got about $600.

02:29:14.000 He took me to a building, bro.

02:29:16.000 He took me to a building in Harlem that the top two floors were, like, going into the Gap.

02:29:22.000 Wow.

02:29:23.000 And the original clothes were on there with the original prices.

02:29:27.000 And it was like 75% off and you got it.

02:29:30.000 So I remember for like 600 getting three suits and a pair of shoes and two dress shirts or something.

02:29:35.000 You know, nice suits.

02:29:37.000 Like, wow.

02:29:37.000 Like, you know, because they're selling them for a third.

02:29:40.000 Somebody robbed them off a truck.

02:29:41.000 But they had blenders in there.

02:29:43.000 They had TVs.

02:29:44.000 They had tables.

02:29:45.000 They had everything.

02:29:46.000 Everything was brand new.

02:29:48.000 You know, it was probably headed to Ikea or something like that.

02:29:50.000 Who the fuck knows?

02:29:51.000 Wow.

02:29:52.000 They had buildings in New York.

02:29:54.000 When I was growing up, they'd pull up.

02:29:55.000 But there were guys from the neighborhood that you knew had a job at APA Trucking, or one of those things, one of those trucking firms, and they'd get shit every fucking Thursday.

02:30:04.000 They'd get shit every fucking Thursday.

02:30:07.000 When I was a kid, fucking the trains would move Honda Mini Trails.

02:30:11.000 Honda Mini Trails are the best motorcycle you could buy for a kid who didn't have balls.

02:30:15.000 It was 50cc and it was automatic.

02:30:18.000 I had one.

02:30:19.000 I bought one for reals.

02:30:21.000 My mother bought me one for reals.

02:30:22.000 And then we found out that you could steal them off the train that came to an Erie Lackawanna.

02:30:27.000 And you would go down there and somebody would jump on the train, break the seal.

02:30:31.000 Take the shit off, throw it into the weeds, and then somebody would have to come back with a truck.

02:30:35.000 Because in those days, you put those together, they didn't come built.

02:30:38.000 The tires were on, the bottom was on, but you got to put the seat on, you got to put the steering wheel on, you got to put all that shit on them.

02:30:45.000 It's amazing, dog.

02:30:46.000 So we found out when they were coming in, and you take three or four of them, keep one, sell three of them.

02:30:51.000 They were 200 retail, so that meant they were probably...

02:30:54.000 $85.

02:30:55.000 Wasn't that like a big amount of profit for like some organized crime in New York because they could steal things off the docks and then resell them someplace?

02:31:01.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:31:02.000 It costs you nothing.

02:31:04.000 It costs you nothing.

02:31:07.000 You could sell it for whatever the fuck you want.

02:31:09.000 Right.

02:31:10.000 You know, you could undercut everybody.

02:31:11.000 Why do you think stealing cocaine in the 80s is so popular?

02:31:14.000 Because that control the market.

02:31:16.000 I just got 30 kilos that you're gonna pay 44, I'm gonna sell for 32. When was the last time anybody ever offered you to buy something that was stolen?

02:31:25.000 As soon as I moved to California, it stopped.

02:31:27.000 Really?

02:31:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:31:28.000 As soon as you moved there.

02:31:29.000 Well, you stopped talking to Boonshakalaka.

02:31:32.000 Oh, that's right.

02:31:33.000 Yeah.

02:31:34.000 He had two dildos the other day, and I'm like, wow, these are like brand new.

02:31:39.000 Is Boonshakalaka or the other guy?

02:31:41.000 The homeless guy.

02:31:43.000 No, no, no.

02:31:43.000 Remember Boonshakalaka?

02:31:44.000 Yeah, but who's the guy with the lighters?

02:31:46.000 That's...

02:31:48.000 You got another crazy name.

02:31:49.000 Yeah, fuck.

02:31:49.000 Goddamn it.

02:31:50.000 Is he still around?

02:31:51.000 Yeah, I just saw him the other day.

02:31:52.000 No, he's not still around.

02:31:53.000 Yeah, he hangs out at the Rainbow now, and Mel's.

02:31:56.000 But Boonshock had this dildo, and I'm like, wow, this looks brand new.

02:31:59.000 And I'm like, but it's not.

02:32:01.000 Why am I touching it?

02:32:02.000 What the fuck?

02:32:04.000 Do you remember that Kenison talked about the Roxy way back, or the Rainbow, way back in his fucking HBO special?

02:32:12.000 That's how crazy the Rainbow's been.

02:32:14.000 Did you see the Sunset Strip movie I told you about?

02:32:16.000 No.

02:32:16.000 Did I tell you about this?

02:32:17.000 No.

02:32:18.000 Sunset Strip just came out on Showtime On Demand.

02:32:20.000 I think you could also get it on iTunes.

02:32:22.000 It's a documentary about Sunstrip starting from the beginning, all the way through the Mafia, all the way through Ciro's.

02:32:27.000 It goes through into all this shit about the hooker houses that were everywhere.

02:32:31.000 I had no idea about, like, there was, like, process...

02:32:34.000 Whatever, like houses that rich people would go to and just had tons of hookers in it.

02:32:39.000 It talks about everything and you go buy it and you're just like going by these buildings that you go buy every day and you're like, holy shit, that was the hooker house.

02:32:46.000 Yeah, it came out in 2012. It's got mad reviews, man.

02:32:50.000 Oh, it's got amazing people in it.

02:32:52.000 It's got an amazing review online.

02:32:55.000 It says, documentary on the famous Los Angeles street.

02:32:59.000 Wow, yeah.

02:33:00.000 So, yeah, it's got five stars or four stars here.

02:33:03.000 Yeah, I'm getting that shit tonight.

02:33:04.000 Is it available on iTunes?

02:33:06.000 Yep.

02:33:06.000 It's really well done.

02:33:08.000 There's a lot of people in it.

02:33:13.000 If there is a place in the world that I've ever been to that I feel like is haunted with the memories of the past, not necessarily haunted, but haunted with the memories of the past, it's that area.

02:33:27.000 Yeah.

02:33:27.000 They talk about that a lot.

02:33:29.000 The haunted aspect of it?

02:33:31.000 Yeah.

02:33:31.000 And they talk about how it used to be like poppy...

02:33:33.000 Not poppy fields.

02:33:34.000 Like something weird...

02:33:36.000 Before it was Ciro's?

02:33:37.000 Sunset Boulevard.

02:33:39.000 Famous Boulevard.

02:33:40.000 Glorified in movie, song, and story.

02:33:45.000 They go through a lot of comedy.

02:33:53.000 Wow.

02:33:55.000 From Doheny to Crescent Heights, there's a lot of ghosts.

02:33:59.000 I believe in sacred places, and I believe that this is.

02:34:02.000 It's a sacred place.

02:34:04.000 That strip is like where you leave and where you come back.

02:34:08.000 This is where it all started, you know.

02:34:10.000 The feeling is still there.

02:34:12.000 It's a very, yeah, you can almost taste it.

02:34:15.000 It was about titillation and sex.

02:34:18.000 Hollywood itself is a magnet.

02:34:21.000 It has great feminine appeal, sexual appeal.

02:34:24.000 And the strip is kind of the personification of it.

02:34:27.000 Your dreams can start out there, and your dream will end there, you know, if you don't watch your shit.

02:34:32.000 You will die that night, and it will be because of whatever dream you're chasing.

02:34:34.000 He's too talking weird.

02:34:36.000 Yeah, he was talking to that other guy, and it was just a weird combo.

02:34:40.000 Who was the other guy?

02:34:41.000 Johnny Depp?

02:34:42.000 No, I think it's that guy that's also a comic.

02:34:46.000 Goddamn, this looks amazing.

02:34:48.000 The excitement that happened in my last opening year could not have happened anyplace ever.

02:34:52.000 And don't you ever forget it, you fuckers.

02:34:55.000 It was so alive.

02:34:57.000 Chateau Marmont.

02:34:58.000 Viper Room.

02:35:03.000 Nobody would ever come by and be like, you guys can't do that here.

02:35:06.000 Are you crazy?

02:35:07.000 It seems like this is a place where people sort of come for refuge.

02:35:11.000 Sunset Strip is a civilization for the brokenhearted, the mistreated, the overlooked, the underloved, and the doomed.

02:35:19.000 If you're gonna die, you might as well die here.

02:35:20.000 Die in front of all of us.

02:35:22.000 Why is that going to make a bone?

02:35:23.000 I think he's like the mayor of Sunset Strip or something weird like that.

02:35:27.000 But why is he...

02:35:28.000 I don't know.

02:35:29.000 Okay.

02:35:30.000 Wow.

02:35:30.000 That looks badass, though.

02:35:31.000 Yeah, that looks badass.

02:35:32.000 I just realized how fortunate I am to have been able to perform there.

02:35:36.000 Like, it just hit me like Jesus.

02:35:38.000 You think you'd go back?

02:35:40.000 I go to Laugh Factory from time to time.

02:35:42.000 Would you go back to the store?

02:35:43.000 No.

02:35:44.000 Never?

02:35:45.000 No.

02:35:46.000 What if you guys came with me?

02:35:51.000 What the fuck would that do?

02:35:52.000 I'm just kidding.

02:35:53.000 Are you a ghostbuster?

02:35:55.000 Yeah.

02:35:55.000 I go to Dom's show on Tuesday.

02:35:58.000 Yeah, Dom's show on Tuesday is great.

02:35:59.000 Well, he has a fun thing he does.

02:36:02.000 It's not just stand-up.

02:36:03.000 He fucks around with the crowd a lot.

02:36:05.000 He tortures them.

02:36:06.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:36:07.000 He lets people...

02:36:07.000 Well, he's great at that.

02:36:08.000 And he does his podcast from there, too, sometimes.

02:36:11.000 I did the podcast.

02:36:12.000 I did it once with Jamie Masada.

02:36:14.000 Once!

02:36:16.000 Once.

02:36:18.000 If you guys went back to the comedy store, like, seriously, that would be one of the most amazing things ever.

02:36:24.000 Just, like, having, like, the Rogan Diaz Tuesday spot, like, in the main room, sold out every week.

02:36:29.000 It's not happening.

02:36:30.000 It would be awesome.

02:36:31.000 Yeah, but why would we do it there?

02:36:32.000 We could do it at the Ice House tomorrow night.

02:36:34.000 Boom!

02:36:35.000 Joey Diaz is doing his podcast there.

02:36:37.000 And then, boom, I'm there with Eddie Ift and Brian Callen.

02:36:40.000 Tomorrow, 10 p.m.

02:36:41.000 Be there, bitches.

02:36:43.000 You see, the difference is the energy at the Ice House is all, like, there's a long history of it, and there's also what we bring there.

02:36:51.000 And what we've been bringing there, there's plenty of spirits at the Ice House, son.

02:36:54.000 This is not negative.

02:36:55.000 There's no murdered people.

02:36:56.000 There's no, like, holes in the fucking basement covered in cement with...

02:37:00.000 Dead people.

02:37:01.000 People don't realize we're not exaggerating.

02:37:03.000 It was Ciro's nightclub.

02:37:04.000 It was owned by Bugsy Siegel.

02:37:06.000 Bugsy Siegel, that guy was a gangster.

02:37:08.000 That guy had to have killed people.

02:37:10.000 That's back when you could just kill people.

02:37:11.000 And that dirty, crazy street, that nutty energy that that place has, it only makes sense if people died there.

02:37:17.000 The piano player Jeff Scott recently posted on his Facebook the tunnel going underneath the street where they used to take the bodies underneath to where it used to be something else.

02:37:26.000 Crest Hill!

02:37:26.000 To the house!

02:37:28.000 I don't know if it's true, but that was the rumor always.

02:37:31.000 In the back of the main room there was a doorway to a tunnel and the tunnel led up the hill.

02:37:34.000 To Crest Hill where the mansion was.

02:37:36.000 Because the property was sold together.

02:37:39.000 Allegedly.

02:37:39.000 But that's like one of those things.

02:37:41.000 Like fucking Ichabod Crane.

02:37:43.000 Well there is a tunnel.

02:37:43.000 Is that true?

02:37:45.000 There's a lot of shit down there.

02:37:47.000 If they have a tunnel, somebody died.

02:37:48.000 That's all you need to know.

02:37:49.000 There's a lot of shit down there.

02:37:51.000 There's a room down there that goes this way.

02:37:52.000 And it cuts across and they can keep going to different things.

02:37:55.000 There's a lot of shit down there.

02:37:56.000 The shooting holes.

02:37:58.000 Well one of the ideas in this Questions Everything show was to go and spend the night at a haunted house.

02:38:04.000 And I was thinking, there's no better place to stay than the Comedy Store.

02:38:08.000 Basement of the Comedy Store, too.

02:38:09.000 Yeah.

02:38:10.000 That would be terrifying.

02:38:11.000 I don't shit my pants.

02:38:13.000 Carl DeBeau used to tell a story on stage about how a time where when he was young, we'll have him come in here and tell it someday.

02:38:20.000 When he was young, he was staying at the store.

02:38:24.000 And he's at the store, like, his wife kicked him out or something like that.

02:38:27.000 And he was forced to stay at the store.

02:38:29.000 So he was sleeping on the stage.

02:38:31.000 He's like, I'm here to make my dreams happen, man.

02:38:33.000 I'm not letting some shit get in my way.

02:38:35.000 So I'm just gonna lie down here.

02:38:36.000 And he said he was lying down.

02:38:37.000 He told it on stage.

02:38:39.000 It was like a Halloween show we had in the main room.

02:38:41.000 It was fucking great.

02:38:42.000 And he was like...

02:38:43.000 And so I'm on stage.

02:38:44.000 And I hear clink, clink, clink.

02:38:47.000 Like there's chairs moving.

02:38:48.000 It is pitch black.

02:38:51.000 And I'm like, hey!

02:38:53.000 Hey, it's me Carl!

02:38:55.000 You know, I had nowhere else to stay.

02:38:58.000 Silence.

02:38:59.000 This is when he was a doorman back then.

02:39:01.000 You know, like right before Kennison had even made it.

02:39:03.000 And he said he heard another clink clink, like he heard another chair.

02:39:07.000 And they said, and then out of nowhere, two hands grabbed his legs and dragged him to the edge of the stairs.

02:39:13.000 And he said there was no one there.

02:39:15.000 He said he didn't see anything.

02:39:17.000 By the time he got up, he scrambled, the person, whatever it was, just disappeared.

02:39:24.000 And he said he freaked out and ran out of there.

02:39:25.000 It's a great story.

02:39:26.000 It could have easily been Booth and Shakalaka.

02:39:28.000 I saw Kenneth in there.

02:39:29.000 I saw Kenneth in there one night.

02:39:31.000 Did you really?

02:39:32.000 I saw Kenneth in there one night.

02:39:33.000 You saw him perform there?

02:39:34.000 No, I saw him by the belly room going up the stairs one night.

02:39:38.000 What do you mean?

02:39:38.000 You saw a ghost?

02:39:41.000 You're shaking your head yes.

02:39:42.000 Did it come out of a pussy?

02:39:44.000 No, I was sitting there watching.

02:39:45.000 I was up next.

02:39:47.000 I was up next to the other two and I was standing by that thing there.

02:39:52.000 And I kept seeing there's a light on the top of the belly room.

02:39:55.000 There's a big red light, dog.

02:39:57.000 And you're still watching the comic.

02:39:59.000 And I had like two away.

02:40:00.000 So it was that comic and one more before me.

02:40:03.000 I was watching, waiting, killing time, and I kept seeing something keep going past my eye.

02:40:08.000 You see the light.

02:40:10.000 How many days did you be awake?

02:40:11.000 I didn't do blow on stage.

02:40:14.000 I didn't blow when I got off stage.

02:40:16.000 And I'm sitting there going, what the fuck is this light?

02:40:19.000 And finally I look up.

02:40:20.000 You know how he wore that stupid long jacket?

02:40:22.000 Yeah.

02:40:23.000 It was like I saw the tail end of the jacket.

02:40:25.000 I went upstairs.

02:40:25.000 There was nobody up there, dawg.

02:40:27.000 I saw it.

02:40:28.000 I saw it with my own two fucking eyes.

02:40:30.000 I never felt nobody.

02:40:31.000 I never got chased.

02:40:32.000 Nobody pulled me.

02:40:34.000 Dice has a story where he was upstairs and they heard them banging on the door.

02:40:38.000 Crazy Corey Cuomo has a story where she heard music in the fucking main room, like old band music, like the Titanic type music.

02:40:47.000 Who was the older guy that was a veteran?

02:40:50.000 Brett something right now?

02:40:54.000 A lot of people heard different things there.

02:40:55.000 I never got touched or pulled.

02:40:58.000 I know that the original room has a weird energy.

02:41:02.000 And you're right.

02:41:03.000 The Sunset's trip does have something special.

02:41:05.000 There's something there.

02:41:06.000 No doubt about it.

02:41:07.000 There's something that points at that comedy store.

02:41:10.000 The big mistake they're going to do is they're going to knock that down and build something over it.

02:41:14.000 And it's gonna be like a Carrie movie.

02:41:15.000 The hands are gonna come out of the ground.

02:41:17.000 You know?

02:41:18.000 I mean, that's the truth, guys.

02:41:19.000 There's something there.

02:41:20.000 Somebody committed suicide there.

02:41:21.000 People gave their lives there.

02:41:23.000 How many people died and didn't make it as comics?

02:41:25.000 And I'm fucking sure it's haunted.

02:41:27.000 How about the guy who jumped off the roof?

02:41:28.000 Sure, that fucking place is haunted.

02:41:30.000 Remember they had the strike?

02:41:32.000 Yeah, yeah, sure it's haunted.

02:41:34.000 You know that building in Gardner, all those buildings.

02:41:36.000 People on those buildings, bro.

02:41:38.000 People that are straight, legit people say, this block is haunted on Gardner, behind El Compadre.

02:41:43.000 Yeah, no doubt.

02:41:44.000 All those buildings there, they're haunted.

02:41:46.000 How many people kill themselves in those buildings coming out here?

02:41:48.000 Look at this fucking young kid that iced himself last week from a Disney show.

02:41:52.000 29 years old, he's on fucking Rizzouli and Isles.

02:41:55.000 A fucking black kid, 29 years old, with a shotgun.

02:41:58.000 I go to do the podcast with Lee, I go to make a right and there's cops all over my fucking corner.

02:42:03.000 He lives in that fucking building there.

02:42:04.000 What possesses people?

02:42:06.000 He wasn't on drugs, that kid.

02:42:07.000 I used to go down to one-hop condo with that kid.

02:42:10.000 What possesses people to do that shit?

02:42:12.000 Who knows?

02:42:13.000 That's Hollywood.

02:42:14.000 That's Hollywood.

02:42:16.000 You know, Judy Canciotti's back.

02:42:19.000 She's at the Ha Ha Cafe.

02:42:21.000 Why would Judy Canciotti try to make a comeback?

02:42:23.000 She's going to sue you.

02:42:24.000 I don't give a fuck.

02:42:25.000 She sued Don Barris?

02:42:26.000 Dude, I just saw her and Don Barris in a fight that lasted like 30 minutes.

02:42:30.000 Yeah, it's hard.

02:42:31.000 Screaming and yelling.

02:42:32.000 These people come out here and they get crazy, man.

02:42:35.000 You know, I'm very happy.

02:42:37.000 I was talking to a Graham Elwood call to invite us to the podcast convention.

02:42:42.000 And I go, Graham, do you know that me and you were the same manager in 2000?

02:42:46.000 We're still here.

02:42:48.000 Whether we're fucking rich or successful or we're on a TV show, we're still here.

02:42:52.000 No car crashes.

02:42:53.000 We haven't OD'd.

02:42:55.000 We're here.

02:42:56.000 How fucking lucky are we, dawg?

02:42:58.000 We're very lucky to have gone through what we've gone through.

02:43:00.000 At the store and having a great time in the comedy that I just saw that I had goosebumps.

02:43:05.000 I'm a fucking fat ex-felon from North Bergen, New Jersey.

02:43:09.000 I was at the comedy store doing blow, developing, getting better, seeing the fucking world, walking to the store, walking from the union on Tuesday night to the store, and walking back to the Laugh Factory.

02:43:20.000 Remember we used to walk to the standard all the time?

02:43:21.000 To the standard.

02:43:22.000 Eat the blue cheeseburgers.

02:43:23.000 Yeah.

02:43:24.000 Fucking delicious.

02:43:24.000 Come on now.

02:43:25.000 The place is incredible.

02:43:25.000 I remember that fucking idiot that sold the lighters.

02:43:28.000 The first weekend.

02:43:29.000 That's the guy, yeah.

02:43:30.000 Yeah, the first weekend.

02:43:31.000 Monkey balls.

02:43:31.000 The first Monday I was ever here, I walked into the fucking comedy store in Don Paris.

02:43:37.000 Put me on stage.

02:43:38.000 Thank God I knew Eddie Griffin.

02:43:39.000 He put me on a Monday night.

02:43:41.000 Don Barrett still had the shorts on, still had the balloons on.

02:43:44.000 Wow.

02:43:45.000 And the next day they told me to go to the Laugh Factory.

02:43:48.000 That's where you went on Tuesdays.

02:43:49.000 Yeah.

02:43:49.000 And you stood on line all day and you did three minutes.

02:43:52.000 And I stood on line all day.

02:43:53.000 Guess who was on line with me all day?

02:43:54.000 Monkey Balls.

02:43:55.000 And he knew the whole history of comedy in L.A. Who you had to sign with, who was going to see you.

02:44:02.000 I thought this guy was a master comic.

02:44:04.000 And he went on stage and he lost his voice.

02:44:06.000 I never laughed so hard in all my life.

02:44:08.000 He went up there and all of a sudden, all day he's talking, telling stories.

02:44:12.000 Now he's like, me, [...

02:44:15.000 That was monkey balls.

02:44:16.000 Then he became a lighter salesman and rings and wheels beat him.

02:44:19.000 Yeah, he always had those lighters with titties in them.

02:44:21.000 He was Brian Callen and Don Barris.

02:44:23.000 Yeah, Brian Callen and Don Barris have this thing where Don Barris pretends to bang Brian Callen in his booty hole...

02:44:33.000 He gets his pants down and everything.

02:44:35.000 And they have this thing.

02:44:37.000 They act it out.

02:44:38.000 And it's so realistic.

02:44:39.000 He presses Cal's mouth against his cock.

02:44:44.000 He makes it like he's pulling his cock out and jerks off on him and finishes it.

02:44:48.000 And it's made extra special by the fact that Don Barris, without wearing a costume, is doing this in a jumpsuit.

02:44:55.000 Yeah.

02:44:56.000 He wears a track suit naturally.

02:44:58.000 It's not like he dressed up for this role where he could pull his cock out really easy.

02:45:01.000 No, it's a part of his thing.

02:45:03.000 And on top of that, Don Barris is rumored to have a cock the size of your arm.

02:45:07.000 It's huge!

02:45:07.000 That's what I understand.

02:45:09.000 That's the room.

02:45:10.000 Every time he's been about to pull it out on stage, I get out of the room.

02:45:13.000 I don't want to get depressed.

02:45:17.000 That's the one thing, man.

02:45:18.000 I mean, if you don't have a giant dick and another guy has a giant dick, you're like, whoa!

02:45:21.000 Well, what the hell?

02:45:23.000 I mean, you could always get rich, you know?

02:45:25.000 Make enough money, you could buy a nice house, too.

02:45:27.000 But if a guy's got a giant dick, he's got a giant dick.

02:45:29.000 He's got a...

02:45:31.000 I forget, it was like a year ago or something like that, he had a boner for some reason, and he wanted to show a girl in the audience, and he was just outlining it with his hand, like, look how big this is, honey.

02:45:39.000 It's like a 12-inch dick, right?

02:45:41.000 It was huge.

02:45:42.000 It's a giant, fat dick.

02:45:43.000 It's not a skinny 12 inches either.

02:45:45.000 It's not like one of those white guys in the movies where it's long, but you're like, yeah, but it's tapered.

02:45:50.000 The end of it is small.

02:45:52.000 It's weird.

02:45:53.000 There's some long dicks that aren't impressive.

02:45:55.000 Don Barris is a dick.

02:45:56.000 It looks like a big German dick.

02:45:58.000 You know, like a big Austrian dick.

02:46:00.000 Yeah.

02:46:01.000 Which you'd imagine some fucking hiker would have.

02:46:06.000 Joey Dan's done.

02:46:07.000 He's thinking about dicks.

02:46:09.000 He's shaking his head like, yeah, yeah, I understand.

02:46:11.000 I understand.

02:46:12.000 I got a big dick too, cocksucker.

02:46:15.000 I need this shit.

02:46:16.000 We don't need this shit.

02:46:18.000 If anybody needs this shit, listen, is there any more tickets to you Wednesday night at the Ice House?

02:46:22.000 Yes.

02:46:22.000 There are.

02:46:23.000 626-577-1890, whatever the fuck it is.

02:46:26.000 So Joey is at the Ice House, 8 o'clock.

02:46:28.000 8.30, 8.30.

02:46:29.000 And then you come out at 10. Stick around, man.

02:46:31.000 Do a spot.

02:46:31.000 Do a spot next door.

02:46:32.000 He's not going to.

02:46:33.000 He's not going to do two shows in the night.

02:46:36.000 It's most likely not happening.

02:46:37.000 I'm going to go home.

02:46:38.000 Oh, Carlos Conduit tomorrow night.

02:46:39.000 Yes.

02:46:40.000 Yes, tomorrow night.

02:46:41.000 Martin Campman versus Carlos Conduit.

02:46:43.000 And Dos Anjos against Cowboy Cerrone.

02:46:46.000 Yes.

02:46:47.000 Yes.

02:46:47.000 So there's a great fucking card tomorrow night.

02:46:49.000 Then we're going to Milwaukee.

02:46:50.000 Yes.

02:46:51.000 We've got a great show at the Pabst.

02:46:52.000 There's only 100 tickets left.

02:46:53.000 It's going to rock.

02:46:54.000 Last time we had six circles of people smoking reefer, bazookas, eating edibles.

02:46:59.000 Somebody made a trade.

02:47:00.000 Black security was going to fucking take Rogan home.

02:47:02.000 They were hugging him and shit.

02:47:03.000 Oh, they were the nicest people ever.

02:47:04.000 The nicest fucking people ever.

02:47:05.000 Those girls, they took care of me.

02:47:06.000 We made a video of it.

02:47:07.000 Yeah, so I'm looking forward to going to Milwaukee.

02:47:10.000 Thank you for coming out.

02:47:10.000 We're going to have a fucking blast, cocksuckers.

02:47:12.000 We're going to have a great time.

02:47:13.000 But I'm going to Gotham on Friday the 13th, Joe Rogan.

02:47:17.000 So you're going to have to open.

02:47:18.000 Don't think that we don't appreciate the fuck out of you guys.

02:47:20.000 That's right, we do.

02:47:21.000 We talk about it all the time.

02:47:22.000 We know that we're incredibly lucky.

02:47:24.000 We're in this weird situation where we have the nicest...

02:47:28.000 I don't even want to call them fans.

02:47:29.000 The people that come out to these shows, they're the nicest people.

02:47:33.000 Period.

02:47:33.000 Just humans.

02:47:34.000 Family.

02:47:36.000 The atmosphere is just cool as fuck.

02:47:39.000 After the shows, there's a few people that get real nervous and their hands get sweaty.

02:47:42.000 They're strange.

02:47:43.000 I love them.

02:47:44.000 I love them.

02:47:44.000 I don't give a fuck.

02:47:45.000 Come on down.

02:47:46.000 Just put deodorant on.

02:47:47.000 Don't be hugging me.

02:47:48.000 With a fucking stink bomb under your shirt.

02:47:50.000 How many times, though, when you take pictures of dudes, they're just completely sweaty?

02:47:53.000 I'm sweaty, too, so I don't give a...

02:47:55.000 And I tell them.

02:47:55.000 When women touch me, I get all nervous.

02:47:57.000 I tell them, please don't touch me because I'm sweaty.

02:47:59.000 And they don't give a fuck, so fuck them.

02:48:01.000 They want to touch you.

02:48:02.000 And you go home and take the shirt off and put it on the couch.

02:48:04.000 The next day, just take a whiff of it.

02:48:05.000 It smells like fucking the chick with the ghost in the snatch.

02:48:09.000 That's...

02:48:09.000 Yeah, this is the chicks that took care of us last time.

02:48:12.000 Look at this.

02:48:13.000 This is going to be bossing.

02:48:15.000 Milwaukee don't fucking sleep on it.

02:48:16.000 We kept the line going.

02:48:17.000 They kept everybody in line.

02:48:19.000 Because we've been coming after shows.

02:48:21.000 We'll meet people.

02:48:22.000 And we've been doing it forever.

02:48:24.000 Like, I don't know, man.

02:48:26.000 I don't know how it started.

02:48:27.000 How it started where we just hang around after shows.

02:48:29.000 But it was a long-ass time ago.

02:48:30.000 It don't matter.

02:48:31.000 As long as they come and we hang out afterwards, that's all.

02:48:34.000 It makes me happy.

02:48:34.000 Well, you know what we decided?

02:48:35.000 And we even talked about it.

02:48:36.000 We decided that even if we want to leave, it's way better for them if they get to hang out and take a picture with us and get to meet us.

02:48:44.000 It's a better experience.

02:48:46.000 So it's part of the experience.

02:48:48.000 They go to the show, they have a good time, and then afterwards...

02:48:52.000 We'll hang around with them and talk to them and take photos with them.

02:48:55.000 So it's not just...

02:48:57.000 We're not just doing a comedy show and then getting the fuck out of there.

02:49:01.000 We appreciate you guys coming as well.

02:49:03.000 And then when I walk into the UFC, people start yelling, DN! And you're like, hi.

02:49:07.000 You're like, no, no, no, no.

02:49:08.000 Come on, you motherfucker!

02:49:10.000 Those people at the UFC are crazy.

02:49:12.000 Sometimes I have to leave.

02:49:13.000 I do interviews afterwards and they're screaming, stay!

02:49:15.000 I can't.

02:49:17.000 I gotta go.

02:49:17.000 They're dragging me out of here.

02:49:19.000 They'll keep you there forever.

02:49:21.000 They bribe the security and let them get up front.

02:49:23.000 Oh no, it's great, man.

02:49:24.000 I love every fucking minute.

02:49:25.000 I really do.

02:49:26.000 Well, the UFC, too, they give a lot of access to fans.

02:49:29.000 That's the way it's supposed to be.

02:49:30.000 With those fan expos and Q&As.

02:49:33.000 Hey, man, that's the way it's supposed to be.

02:49:34.000 It is the way it's supposed to be.

02:49:35.000 And now other leagues are learning from Dana White.

02:49:38.000 That's what you've got to do to be successful.

02:49:40.000 People want the full experience.

02:49:41.000 People will pay to get fucking armbarred by Chuck Liddell.

02:49:45.000 And you know what?

02:49:46.000 So would I. Yeah.

02:49:47.000 Oh, yeah, if you're a fan.

02:49:49.000 If you're a fan, you go to the Fan Expo, learn how to roll.

02:49:52.000 I don't care whether you're a white belt or a brown belt, they're not going to kill you.

02:49:55.000 You're going to get one great thing out of it and a picture.

02:49:57.000 Yeah.

02:49:58.000 A memory for life.

02:49:58.000 I can never do that.

02:49:59.000 You know, I went to, like, Willis Reed's basketball camp.

02:50:03.000 There was no pictures then.

02:50:04.000 You didn't take a picture with nobody.

02:50:06.000 It was all from memory.

02:50:07.000 He signed the T-shirt.

02:50:08.000 Big fucking deal.

02:50:09.000 Carlos Kahn had a great video of him sparring with guys, like rolling with guys.

02:50:14.000 He went to an army base.

02:50:17.000 Rich Franco's done it too.

02:50:19.000 They'll go and they'll roll with people.

02:50:21.000 Benson Henderson's done it a bunch of times.

02:50:23.000 Yeah.

02:50:24.000 Hannah Gracie did it too.

02:50:25.000 They go, and they'll go to a base.

02:50:27.000 Ooh, that's right.

02:50:27.000 Frank Mir against Babyface Assassin.

02:50:30.000 Who else is on this card?

02:50:31.000 Is that Milwaukee?

02:50:32.000 Yeah, we got a great card.

02:50:34.000 We got my man, motherfucking Clay Guida, against who the fuck is...

02:50:38.000 Oh!

02:50:39.000 Ooh, the Spanish kid.

02:50:40.000 The one that lost to Aldo in Brazil.

02:50:42.000 He's part of Team Alpha Male.

02:50:44.000 Dwayne Bang trains him.

02:50:46.000 Um, which one?

02:50:48.000 Little kid, little kid, little kid.

02:50:50.000 He lost to Jose Aldo, the knee to the face.

02:50:52.000 Oh, Chad Mendes?

02:50:53.000 Chad Mendes is fighting Clay Guida.

02:50:54.000 Oh, so Clay Guida's fighting 45. Yeah, he's fighting Chad Mendes.

02:50:57.000 Yeah, baby.

02:50:58.000 Yeah, baby.

02:50:58.000 We got some good fucking fights this week.

02:51:00.000 Yeah, I'll read the card off to you right now.

02:51:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:51:02.000 Give me the undercard, baby.

02:51:03.000 I don't know what the fuck's going on.

02:51:03.000 Okay, here we got.

02:51:04.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:51:05.000 We got a lot of shit.

02:51:06.000 Brandon Varrow versus Ben Rothwell.

02:51:09.000 Goddamn!

02:51:09.000 Holy shit.

02:51:10.000 That's a crazy fight, man.

02:51:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:51:12.000 I forgot about that one.

02:51:13.000 Eric Koch versus Dustin Poirier.

02:51:15.000 There you go.

02:51:16.000 Goddamn.

02:51:17.000 Barnett versus Mir.

02:51:19.000 Clay Guida versus Chad Mendes.

02:51:21.000 Jamie Varner versus Glazen Tebow.

02:51:23.000 Oh, shit.

02:51:25.000 This is a great fucking card.

02:51:27.000 It's a great fucking card, man.

02:51:27.000 And then, of course, the title fight.

02:51:29.000 Benson Henderson versus Anthony Pettis, that is fucking nuts.

02:51:32.000 Rufus will be there Friday jumping up and down and shit, throwing sidekicks for Jesus.

02:51:37.000 That's an amazing fight, man.

02:51:38.000 Henderson versus Anthony Pettis is going to be fucking insanity.

02:51:41.000 You know, Pettis has a 56% KO rate?

02:51:45.000 56%.

02:51:45.000 That motherfucker's a beast.

02:51:47.000 I forgot he fucked up Joe Loza.

02:51:49.000 Yeah, dude, with a head kick.

02:51:51.000 How about Donald Cerrone?

02:51:52.000 He fucked him up with a body kick.

02:51:54.000 His left leg is nasty, man.

02:51:57.000 He's a bad motherfucker.

02:51:59.000 Remember when he hit Cerrone with that crazy knee too, the Showtime knee?

02:52:02.000 He bounces off the cage and pops his knee through a small opening and catches him in the face.

02:52:08.000 That kid's wild, man.

02:52:10.000 And so is Henderson.

02:52:11.000 Henderson's a fucking beast.

02:52:12.000 He's only gotten better since he won the title.

02:52:14.000 It's only gotten better since he lost the title to Pettis.

02:52:16.000 It's an amazing fight.

02:52:17.000 He's confident.

02:52:17.000 He's a different fighter than when he lost to Pettis, bro.

02:52:19.000 This is going to be an amazing fight, man.

02:52:21.000 This is going to be a great week.

02:52:22.000 This is going to be amazing.

02:52:22.000 I'm fucking excited.

02:52:23.000 Yeah, this is a sick card, sick weekend.

02:52:26.000 So we'll see you guys at the Pabst Theater and we'll see you tomorrow night at the Ice House and also tomorrow we're going to have a podcast here with the one and only Everlast.

02:52:34.000 And Everlast has released a new...

02:52:37.000 He released a new...

02:52:40.000 Acoustic-only CD. And he got the idea from doing it from performing on podcasts, from getting on our podcasts and doing it for the first time.

02:52:49.000 Performing, you know, acoustic like that and getting this massive reaction.

02:52:52.000 So all the love is what inspired him.

02:52:55.000 He actually pulled me, last time he was here, he pulled me into the car and goes, Brian, I need something to tell you something.

02:52:59.000 And he showed me, because supposedly, I hope it's still on there, but he said, we talked about, I said that you should do like a That one song, Jump Up and Go Down.

02:53:09.000 He used to do an acoustic version of that.

02:53:10.000 He's like, no, I hate those songs.

02:53:12.000 But he played it for me in his car, and he's like, how is this?

02:53:15.000 And I was like, what the fuck?

02:53:16.000 It was awesome.

02:53:17.000 Are you allowed to say that?

02:53:19.000 Oh, I don't know.

02:53:20.000 I mean, it's out now, right?

02:53:21.000 No, I think it is out.

02:53:23.000 I think it's out right now.

02:53:24.000 I think it came out today.

02:53:26.000 I think it's out Tuesday.

02:53:27.000 That's cool.

02:53:27.000 Yeah, it's going to be sick.

02:53:29.000 I like him acoustically even better than House of Pain.

02:53:33.000 Me too.

02:53:33.000 And I think House of Pain is amazing.

02:53:35.000 What is that song, Little Miss America?

02:53:37.000 Yeah, Miss America.

02:53:38.000 God damn, that's a good fucking song.

02:53:41.000 And ever since what it's like, people caught his acoustic shit is way deeper.

02:53:48.000 It's way more emotional and touching.

02:53:51.000 Jump Around is always going to be like an anthem.

02:53:53.000 It's always going to be a cool song to hear.

02:53:54.000 It's awesome.

02:53:55.000 The version he played it for me.

02:53:57.000 Can I pump my dates?

02:53:58.000 Yeah.

02:53:59.000 I'm going to be with Tony Hinchcliffe September 26th at Stand Up Live at Phoenix, Arizona.

02:54:04.000 And the following day, I'm going to Ohio, Columbus, Ohio at Woodland's Backyard with Tom Segura, Christina Pajitzky, and Tony and me.

02:54:11.000 All right.

02:54:11.000 We'll see Dirty Freaks tomorrow.

02:54:13.000 And may Odin bless you all.

02:54:16.000 We love the shit out of you.

02:54:17.000 See you soon.

02:54:21.000 Sponsors, they can go fuck themselves.

02:54:22.000 They know who they are.

02:54:24.000 Listen, stamps.com.

02:54:26.000 Enter in the code word J-R-E. Go to onnit.com.

02:54:29.000 Use the code word Rogan.

02:54:33.000 Audible.com forward slash Joe.

02:54:34.000 We love the fuck out of you guys.

02:54:35.000 See you soon.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 27, 2013

Joe Rogan Experience #386 - Joey "CoCo" Diaz

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