The Joe Rogan Experience - September 16, 2013


Joe Rogan Experience #393 - Tom Segura


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 52 minutes

Words per Minute

184.93156

Word Count

31,987

Sentence Count

3,638

Misogynist Sentences

172

Hate Speech Sentences

105


Summary

In this episode, the boys talk about the pride parade, the gay pride weekend in LA, and the craziness that is the gay community in Los Angeles. Also, we talk about how much money it takes to be gay in the big city, and why you should get a house in a gay neighborhood if you can afford it. We also talk about what it's like to be a gay man in LA and the crazy things that go on in the gay neighborhood, and how much it costs to buy a house there. We also discuss how to get your shit together if you don't live in a big city like L.A. and how you should be able to afford to buy your own house if you're gay and you want it to be on par with the rest of the gay neighborhoods in the city. Also, Matt talks about how he bought a house for $850,000 and plans to knock it down and build a new one in the place he grew up in. We talk about his new house in Columbus, Ohio and how he's going to pay for it, and what he wants to do with the money that comes with it. Finally, we discuss the pros and cons of buying a house on the cheap and how it can be built on a lot of land and leveling it in order to make it into a nice, bigger house. Enjoy the episode, and stay tuned for the next episode! Stay tuned for a new episode next week! Stay Queer, Queerboyz! xoxo, Matt and the boys. (and the boys that came up with the idea for the title "The Gay City" and the name of the podcast "The Queer City" . Music: "The Pride City" by Matt Fultos, "We Are Queer" by Joe Rogan, "The Blondes of Los Angeles" by The Rave Crew, "Noah and the Boys Who Know It All" by and "The Boys Who Love It All About It All (feat. by The Boys Who Need a Home" by the Crew, by , & , and , "The Boy Who Cameo, and , we are Queer. and much more! and we are so Queer is Queer Is Queer and We're Queer & We Know It's Queer by Matt and We Don't Have It All


Transcript

00:00:02.000 Hello, sweet freak bitches from space.
00:00:07.000 We are here.
00:00:09.000 We are queer.
00:00:10.000 Get used to it.
00:00:11.000 Remember that?
00:00:12.000 Absolutely.
00:00:12.000 We're here, we're queer, get used to it?
00:00:13.000 Yeah.
00:00:14.000 Like, alright.
00:00:15.000 Jesus.
00:00:15.000 I marched in about ten of those.
00:00:16.000 Problem with that is, what about all the people that were used to it?
00:00:20.000 You know?
00:00:20.000 You don't have to get all fucking aggro.
00:00:22.000 I'm happy for you.
00:00:23.000 We're here.
00:00:24.000 We're good.
00:00:25.000 I'm used to it.
00:00:26.000 I'm used to it.
00:00:26.000 Do you really have to yell outside my window, though, as you walk by with a million of your friends?
00:00:31.000 You know, if you live in San Francisco and you're on that fucking parade route, boy.
00:00:35.000 That route, that's the one, too.
00:00:38.000 Don't plan on taking a nap that day.
00:00:40.000 West Hollywood?
00:00:41.000 West Hollywood one is on and popping.
00:00:43.000 It might be the bigger one.
00:00:44.000 West Hollywood might be the biggest gay spot.
00:00:47.000 San Francisco still has the reputation as the biggest gay spot, but how can it fuck with Hollywood?
00:00:53.000 There's more people here, man.
00:00:54.000 And that area is all gay.
00:00:56.000 There's no one area in San Francisco where it's all gay.
00:00:59.000 Yeah.
00:01:00.000 You know, there's areas in San Francisco where there's a lot of gay folks that live.
00:01:03.000 But, like, West Hollywood is that one stretch of Santa Monica Boulevard with all the gay bars.
00:01:08.000 They just own a neighborhood.
00:01:11.000 And that shit is on lock.
00:01:13.000 It's like Mafia Run.
00:01:14.000 Absolutely.
00:01:15.000 Oh, yeah.
00:01:15.000 And if you go anywhere near there, be prepared to suck a dick.
00:01:18.000 Because someone's going to stuff one in your mouth.
00:01:20.000 I mean, it's going to happen.
00:01:22.000 There's only one way to find out.
00:01:23.000 Let's go to both of them.
00:01:25.000 Like, it'd be Joe Rogan questions everything for the gays.
00:01:27.000 Gay parades.
00:01:28.000 How should we dress?
00:01:29.000 We'll get to the bottom of it.
00:01:30.000 You should definitely fucking do that.
00:01:31.000 You should go in some real BDSM leather shit with a fucking chain strap.
00:01:38.000 I don't want to question that.
00:01:40.000 Absolutely.
00:01:41.000 But I feel like...
00:01:43.000 I don't know, dude.
00:01:44.000 I think there are neighborhoods.
00:01:47.000 What's the neighborhood in San Francisco?
00:01:48.000 I was just handed something that says, move over New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles.
00:01:54.000 Columbus, Ohio is now the nation's number one gay city.
00:01:56.000 Oh, yeah.
00:01:57.000 Wow.
00:01:58.000 Is that true?
00:01:58.000 Yeah.
00:01:59.000 That's a good move.
00:02:00.000 I mean, if you're gay and you're on a budget, why fuck around?
00:02:03.000 You should get a really nice spread in Columbus.
00:02:06.000 That's true.
00:02:07.000 Yeah.
00:02:08.000 I mean, why the fuck would you want to pay L.A. prices for a house?
00:02:11.000 L.A. prices for houses are goddamn ridiculous.
00:02:14.000 They are so stupid.
00:02:15.000 And the money in this city, too, that you like...
00:02:18.000 I rent a place.
00:02:20.000 I rent a house.
00:02:21.000 The house across from me just sold...
00:02:25.000 And it sold for like $850,000.
00:02:27.000 So I'm like, wow, that's a lot of money, man.
00:02:29.000 $850,000.
00:02:30.000 They're tearing it down.
00:02:31.000 The teardown started yesterday.
00:02:33.000 And they're going to put up some jamming.
00:02:35.000 Right, but I'm saying that's the money that it puts into my mind where I go, Jesus.
00:02:40.000 It's like, not only do I not...
00:02:41.000 It's an $850,000 house just out of my league.
00:02:45.000 That's a nice goal to get to.
00:02:46.000 They're like, no, we got it.
00:02:48.000 I'm going to tear that shit down and I'm going to build some shit I want.
00:02:50.000 So you spent $850,000 just to get the lot of land.
00:02:53.000 Fuck the house.
00:02:54.000 Now I'm going to spend money to build my house.
00:02:56.000 Well, you know what Arnold did?
00:02:57.000 He lived in the Palisades.
00:02:59.000 He bought the neighbor and then just leveled his house and said, I want a yard.
00:03:03.000 Wow.
00:03:04.000 That's fucking another house.
00:03:05.000 He bought like a $4 million house and just fucking leveled it.
00:03:08.000 That's wow.
00:03:10.000 He's like, I want the place to kick my ball.
00:03:15.000 I mean, he didn't even buy it and move his mom in or something.
00:03:18.000 I need grass, man.
00:03:19.000 He just leveled that bitch.
00:03:21.000 He didn't want to have family closer.
00:03:22.000 No, no thank you.
00:03:25.000 That just puts it...
00:03:25.000 See, that takes us another level.
00:03:27.000 Yeah, that's super ballin'.
00:03:28.000 We're supposed to do commercials, but at this point, it just feels like we shouldn't do commercials.
00:03:32.000 We just keep doing what we're doing.
00:03:33.000 But I have a certain amount of week on it.
00:03:34.000 I guess I have to do.
00:03:35.000 Run your spot, man.
00:03:36.000 You know what I'll do?
00:03:36.000 I'll just shove them all in tomorrow.
00:03:38.000 Fuck commercials.
00:03:40.000 No commercials at all.
00:03:41.000 I'll shove them all in tomorrow, and tomorrow we got Matt Fultron.
00:03:44.000 That should be a badass podcast.
00:03:47.000 Full charges in the house.
00:03:48.000 And then on Wednesday, we got Kathleen Madigan.
00:03:51.000 Oh, snap.
00:03:52.000 Old-school, all-time woman's great.
00:03:55.000 I put her top 10 all-time woman comedian of all time.
00:03:59.000 And people say, like, you shouldn't do that.
00:04:00.000 You shouldn't categorize men and women.
00:04:03.000 But you do.
00:04:04.000 Yeah, you do.
00:04:04.000 So there you go.
00:04:05.000 So tough shit.
00:04:05.000 There's all-time black guys.
00:04:07.000 There's all-time white guys.
00:04:08.000 There's all-time drunk guys.
00:04:09.000 Everybody gets all-time gay guys.
00:04:11.000 Who's on your all-time drunk list?
00:04:13.000 Stan Hope, number one, for sure.
00:04:14.000 Not even close.
00:04:15.000 He's not even a close second.
00:04:17.000 Attell's number two when he was in his prime.
00:04:19.000 Yeah.
00:04:19.000 When Itel was in his prime and he was out there fucking hammering it on a regular, he was hammering it hard.
00:04:24.000 Oh my god.
00:04:25.000 And he's a brilliant, brilliant comedian on top of that.
00:04:29.000 He has some of the...
00:04:30.000 He has lines that are in our lexicon, like my personal one.
00:04:35.000 You know what I mean?
00:04:36.000 Like, he had a joke one time about puppies, and he was like, puppies?
00:04:40.000 P-U-U-P-E-S! He always said, like, silly shit.
00:04:43.000 To this day, I still say P-U-U-P-E-S. He did an album.
00:04:47.000 He recorded it at the Comedy Works in Denver.
00:04:50.000 Skanks for the memories.
00:04:51.000 Yeah, one of my all-time favorites.
00:04:53.000 And one of the reasons why I want to record my next special there.
00:04:57.000 I mean, I have to call Wendy and ask her if she's cool with it.
00:04:59.000 My next Comedy Central special, I want to record in Denver.
00:05:01.000 That's fucking right.
00:05:02.000 And I want to record in that little spot.
00:05:04.000 Because that club, I don't think it seats...
00:05:07.000 Even 300 people, right?
00:05:09.000 Is it about 250, perhaps?
00:05:10.000 The downtown one is probably, I would say it's probably just under 300. And then the other one is much larger.
00:05:17.000 The other one's a little over 400. Yeah.
00:05:20.000 But that one is perfect.
00:05:21.000 That one downtown.
00:05:22.000 It's like the perfect comedy club.
00:05:24.000 It's like literally impossible to get a better club.
00:05:26.000 It's fantastic.
00:05:27.000 Everybody's locked in their seats.
00:05:28.000 The seats don't move all over the place.
00:05:30.000 You're in your spot.
00:05:31.000 That's your spot.
00:05:31.000 Boom.
00:05:32.000 The table's welded to the fucking floor.
00:05:34.000 And because of that, they've gotten all these people in.
00:05:38.000 And it's plenty of room to enjoy a show.
00:05:40.000 Everyone has their own little table.
00:05:42.000 It's a dope setup.
00:05:43.000 Wendy's a badass bitch.
00:05:44.000 She's a bad motherfucker.
00:05:45.000 She's badass.
00:05:46.000 And I call her a bitch with all due respect.
00:05:47.000 Of course.
00:05:48.000 I love her.
00:05:48.000 She's a very nice person.
00:05:49.000 She's one of the reasons why I moved to Colorado in the first place.
00:05:53.000 She knows how to run a club, man.
00:05:54.000 Well, I knew she had a real community.
00:05:56.000 I was like, if I'm going to live somewhere outside of L.A. and still do stand-up, I need to go to a real community.
00:06:02.000 And the thing about Colorado is they're really fucking around there.
00:06:05.000 There's a lot of people there that are trying out shit.
00:06:07.000 There's a lot of people there that are, you know, there's good comedy.
00:06:10.000 They're like developing their own good, real comedy.
00:06:14.000 Way before comedy, I did comedy.
00:06:16.000 That was my number one choice for college.
00:06:18.000 Really?
00:06:18.000 Denver University, yeah.
00:06:19.000 Yeah, it's so beautiful.
00:06:20.000 I didn't get in.
00:06:21.000 Have you seen all the floodings there?
00:06:22.000 It's crazy, dude.
00:06:24.000 Dude, like roads washed away completely.
00:06:27.000 Horrible.
00:06:27.000 Five people dead.
00:06:29.000 Hundreds missing.
00:06:31.000 Hundreds of people unaccounted for.
00:06:33.000 Yeah, all my friends' basements are flooded.
00:06:35.000 Yeah, well, we saw some people on the Rogan board.
00:06:37.000 They posted photos, and I saw some on CNN and some other different places.
00:06:41.000 It's insane, man.
00:06:42.000 It's really crazy shit.
00:06:44.000 Look at that.
00:06:46.000 Look at that giant chunk of street missing.
00:06:50.000 There was a video that they had online that had this giant chunk of street just wash away in front of these people and their cars fell into it and they were videoing the waterfall smashing into these cars.
00:07:03.000 It was like, what?
00:07:04.000 That used to be a street just 10 minutes ago?
00:07:06.000 What was happening there where I feel like we knew floods were coming?
00:07:10.000 Really?
00:07:11.000 I thought there was news about these floods coming.
00:07:14.000 Do you remember that or no?
00:07:15.000 I don't know.
00:07:16.000 I don't pay attention until it's too late.
00:07:18.000 I'm like, what if there's a typhoon in Japan?
00:07:20.000 Oh, that sucks.
00:07:21.000 Yeah, there's a typhoon that's going to hit Fukushima.
00:07:23.000 Oh, shit.
00:07:24.000 They're already releasing radioactive rainwater into the ocean.
00:07:27.000 What they call low-level radiation.
00:07:29.000 It's a low-level poison.
00:07:30.000 Would you go to Japan?
00:07:31.000 You've been to Japan.
00:07:32.000 I don't want to go anymore.
00:07:33.000 Because of that?
00:07:33.000 Yeah.
00:07:34.000 I think that situation...
00:07:36.000 Look...
00:07:37.000 Obviously I'm an idiot, and obviously I'm paranoid.
00:07:40.000 Take those two things into account, but I'm worried about what happens if, while you're there, another earthquake hits.
00:07:47.000 What if there's another earthquake that hits while you're there, and they get hit with another fucking tsunami?
00:07:54.000 If it happened once, just a couple years ago, it can happen again.
00:07:58.000 Of course.
00:07:58.000 And I think that situation is very unstable.
00:08:01.000 They're coming up with all these unique and novel ways to try to contain the radioactive water.
00:08:06.000 For folks who don't understand it, and I'm one of them, but I'm going to reiterate some shit that somebody said that doesn't understand it, what they were basically saying is you can't cool that shit down.
00:08:16.000 You have to continue to pump water on it in order to try to cool that area down.
00:08:20.000 It's already melted through its containment area, so the radioactive waste is already somehow or another in the ground.
00:08:27.000 So there's that.
00:08:29.000 And then they're pouring millions of gallons of water on that thing.
00:08:33.000 Millions and millions and millions.
00:08:34.000 And a lot of it is seeping right back into the ocean.
00:08:37.000 So you're getting all this...
00:08:38.000 Intense radiation entering into the ocean at unprecedented levels in mankind.
00:08:43.000 There's literally never been a moment in humankind where the earth had a spill like this, where we irradiated an ocean.
00:08:53.000 Most of that stuff that's on land is much more containable, like Chernobyl's more containable.
00:08:58.000 It's a fucked up place.
00:09:00.000 It's a dark, dark situation in Chernobyl, but it's in Chernobyl.
00:09:04.000 This shit is going to go over the whole ocean.
00:09:06.000 It's getting out there, and it's floating, and people are like, hey man, you're being a prophet of doom, and you don't even really know, and you're talking all this crazy stuff.
00:09:16.000 Yes.
00:09:16.000 You're right.
00:09:17.000 But I might be reading like really...
00:09:20.000 I'm not reading like any crazy, you know, conspiracy news sites that are giving me this information.
00:09:27.000 I'm reading like pretty much all the mainstream sites.
00:09:30.000 No one is saying it's going to be okay.
00:09:32.000 I haven't heard anybody that says, relax about Fukushima.
00:09:35.000 Everything's going to be cool.
00:09:37.000 They don't know.
00:09:38.000 They're trying to build a giant hole in the ground and they're going to stick these cones all around it and then freeze these cones to make a wall of ice.
00:09:47.000 So they have to have all this radioactive water contained in this fucking enormous, several mile wide containment area.
00:09:58.000 Just to try to do something.
00:10:00.000 Just for water.
00:10:00.000 Just radioactive water that they're pouring on these rods to try to cool it off.
00:10:04.000 Again, I don't know exactly if that's how it works.
00:10:07.000 This has to affect seafood from that area, too, right?
00:10:10.000 They've already shown a 3% rise in the radiation of some fish.
00:10:14.000 Really?
00:10:14.000 And that just happened.
00:10:16.000 And then we consume that, though.
00:10:18.000 It takes a while to get to us.
00:10:20.000 It might not even get to us for a year or so.
00:10:23.000 But a year or so, they might be telling you, hey, it's probably not the best idea to go in the water.
00:10:28.000 That's real.
00:10:29.000 You're talking about a massive spill that doesn't end.
00:10:32.000 And it's going to be like that for hundreds of thousands of years.
00:10:35.000 And I've had people tweet me about this, and they're like, well, it's all diluted, and you have to realize how big the ocean is.
00:10:41.000 And you're totally right.
00:10:42.000 Absolutely.
00:10:43.000 I'm probably looking at it wrong.
00:10:45.000 I'm probably being an alarmist.
00:10:48.000 But it's never going to stop leaking.
00:10:50.000 Do you get that?
00:10:51.000 Yeah.
00:10:52.000 It's never going to stop.
00:10:53.000 What might not be a horrific catastrophe today could easily be one 50 years from now if they can never get it to stop.
00:11:00.000 Part of the reason why people aren't freaking out is because we always have this optimism about human ingenuity.
00:11:07.000 We're going to figure out a way.
00:11:09.000 We're going to figure out a way.
00:11:10.000 We're going to figure out a way.
00:11:11.000 We're not going to figure out a way with that.
00:11:13.000 The nuclear thing is a weird thing.
00:11:15.000 It's a weird thing because it does work most of the time.
00:11:18.000 And everybody wants to stress that.
00:11:20.000 Like, listen, you're being an alarmist about nuclear power.
00:11:23.000 It does work most of the time.
00:11:24.000 But people have only been alive for how long?
00:11:28.000 What is the agreement?
00:11:29.000 Is it 100,000 years or something like that?
00:11:31.000 Let's say a million in this form.
00:11:33.000 Let's say we've been around a million years.
00:11:35.000 In the last 100, we've made three spots where you can never go again.
00:11:42.000 As long as they've been human beings alive, that's how long into the future it's likely that area is going to be irradiated.
00:11:49.000 What are the three?
00:11:50.000 Chernobyl, Four Mile Island...
00:11:53.000 And then this one, Fukushima.
00:11:55.000 Those three spots are gone.
00:11:57.000 We don't own those spots anymore.
00:11:59.000 The universe owns those spots.
00:12:01.000 Physics own those spots.
00:12:03.000 The insanity of atomic power own those spots.
00:12:06.000 And it's this very weird situation where nobody wants to admit that that's a striking number.
00:12:13.000 Three in the 60 plus years that it's been active, three places are useless.
00:12:19.000 What's a thousand years from now?
00:12:21.000 You mean just take the time and do the math?
00:12:23.000 You can't stop it.
00:12:24.000 Unless you come up with some insane new technology that figures out a way to contain that radiation, you're always going to deal with a really bizarre problem.
00:12:32.000 A problem in that if you use it, you make the area around you Unsafe for life.
00:12:39.000 Forever.
00:12:40.000 Forever.
00:12:40.000 For 100,000 years.
00:12:42.000 I mean, what is 100,000 years?
00:12:43.000 You can't even wrap your head around that.
00:12:44.000 Yeah, I know.
00:12:44.000 There was no civilization 100,000 years ago.
00:12:47.000 Zilch, none, nothing.
00:12:49.000 Everybody agrees.
00:12:50.000 Even Graham Hancock agrees.
00:12:52.000 All the craziest theorists about backdating civilization, they all go 100,000 years ago.
00:12:58.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:12:59.000 Yeah.
00:12:59.000 We were fucking throwing spears, you know, wooden sticks that we sharpened at the end.
00:13:03.000 We probably didn't know how to use fire yet.
00:13:05.000 Imagine life here 100 years ago.
00:13:07.000 Dude, there was no language 100,000 years ago.
00:13:10.000 They think language is 40,000 years old.
00:13:12.000 Really?
00:13:12.000 Yeah.
00:13:13.000 It was all just...
00:13:14.000 Just grunts and points and shit and showing by example and screaming.
00:13:19.000 It'd be some really successful comics.
00:13:26.000 Yeah, it would be like the best time ever for a lot of comics.
00:13:29.000 There's no words, man.
00:13:30.000 We don't even need any words.
00:13:37.000 It's hard to believe that we're willing to gamble, that we're going to fix that.
00:13:41.000 Do you ever read about how many, I was fascinated by how many languages go extinct like every year.
00:13:48.000 There's languages that, you know, there's obviously like the huge languages that millions and even billions of people speak, but then every year there are languages that they're trying to preserve by continuing to speak them and you know people learn the language just to have it, like an endangered species.
00:14:04.000 And then it just goes away.
00:14:06.000 Yeah, I saw an article recently on this guy who was like the last guy to know this language.
00:14:10.000 Really?
00:14:10.000 Yeah, they had studied this dude, and he had tried to communicate it with them, and then he fucking died.
00:14:15.000 Yeah, and that's what happens with a lot of the native cultures, like Native American tribes that had a specific language, and they're like, they pass along, pass along, and then, you know, it becomes like not important or not cool to pass the language, like it's not useful.
00:14:29.000 Yeah.
00:14:30.000 And then fewer and fewer people speak it.
00:14:31.000 Like, they found languages.
00:14:33.000 I think even in South America, like in the jungles, that they thought this group and language had gone whatever, extinct forever, and found that they're still living in the jungles.
00:14:46.000 You know, I don't know anything but English, but you know Spanish.
00:14:50.000 You speak Spanish fluently.
00:14:51.000 Yeah, pretty well.
00:14:52.000 Well, I've seen you talk to people.
00:14:54.000 Pretty fluid.
00:14:55.000 Especially to me, that doesn't speak anything.
00:14:57.000 So, how much different are those two as a language?
00:15:01.000 Like, you have to think differently, right?
00:15:03.000 That's the reason why a lot of people who are from another country make the same mistakes over and over again, whether it's German people or Brazilian people.
00:15:12.000 A lot of them make the same kind of mistakes.
00:15:14.000 It's because the whole structure of sentences is different.
00:15:16.000 It's true, yeah.
00:15:17.000 Like in Spanish, you say something...
00:15:20.000 Like, you know, you say chocolate milk in English, and there you would say milk of chocolate, right?
00:15:27.000 That's how you say that.
00:15:28.000 Leche de chocolate.
00:15:29.000 Oh.
00:15:30.000 But so, like, if you're trying to do literal translations sometimes, the way that you would say it...
00:15:38.000 Right.
00:15:57.000 Does it ever fuck with your English?
00:15:59.000 Did it fuck with your English as a kid?
00:16:00.000 Did you mix up the wrong, accidentally use a Spanish word for it, or accidentally say something in a way that you would say English, but you said it in Spanish?
00:16:09.000 I think that came more when I was...
00:16:12.000 Learning to speak more.
00:16:13.000 Like, for the longest time, my mom spoke Spanish to us, and we just spoke English to her.
00:16:19.000 So it was always a two-language conversation.
00:16:21.000 That's so weird!
00:16:22.000 And she spoke, I mean, she said everything in Spanish.
00:16:25.000 And we replied completely in English, and she completely understood us, and we completely understood her.
00:16:28.000 But our speaking Spanish wasn't as good, and her speaking English wasn't as good.
00:16:33.000 But then she started, well, my parents sent me to spend my summers in Peru.
00:16:38.000 And then that's when it greatly...
00:16:40.000 Because you already understand so much because you were exposed to it.
00:16:43.000 And then you're forced to speak it.
00:16:45.000 But when you're forced to speak it to everybody, it gets way better.
00:16:49.000 What did you do in Peru?
00:16:51.000 I would go to school, because our summers are their winters.
00:16:54.000 So I have a ton of cousins and stuff.
00:16:58.000 I would stay with one aunt and uncle.
00:17:00.000 I can't even speak English right now.
00:17:01.000 Aunt and uncle.
00:17:02.000 Aunt and uncle.
00:17:03.000 Yeah, and they had three boys that were my age, basically.
00:17:07.000 So I would go there, go to school, and just fuck around.
00:17:11.000 I mean, we were just 12, 13, 14 years old.
00:17:15.000 Just, you know, living in Lima.
00:17:17.000 And then they would come to the United States one by one for their summers to get better at English.
00:17:24.000 Wow.
00:17:24.000 Yeah, so we would take turns at each other's...
00:17:26.000 They say that's one of the best ways to improve your mind.
00:17:29.000 Really?
00:17:29.000 Yeah, learning other languages and speaking in other languages.
00:17:33.000 And then also when you start to dream in those languages.
00:17:38.000 Yeah, that happens.
00:17:39.000 Yeah?
00:17:40.000 That happened when I was in college.
00:17:42.000 I went to spend a semester in Spain.
00:17:45.000 And at that point, I already spoke pretty well, and then I started to do college term papers in Spanish, you know, where you're writing 20-page papers for a class on comparative economics in Spanish.
00:18:02.000 Jesus Christ, son.
00:18:03.000 And then, at that point, I mean, my Spanish now is not nearly as good as it was Like the year after I left Spain or that I was there and that whole year after.
00:18:15.000 Because it was other level.
00:18:16.000 I was dreaming in Spanish.
00:18:18.000 Wow.
00:18:19.000 It was my first thoughts came to me in Spanish, you know, because it was just so much.
00:18:23.000 And it's such a high level every day.
00:18:25.000 How long do you think it would take you if you were immersed in a Spanish culture to start speaking like that again?
00:18:30.000 I think a couple years would be...
00:18:36.000 I mean, I could go and I speak to people now in Spanish and they ask me what country I'm from.
00:18:40.000 So...
00:18:40.000 They get confused.
00:18:41.000 They get confused.
00:18:42.000 Who's this weird motherfucker?
00:18:43.000 Here's the weirdest thing.
00:18:44.000 And I know it's funny, like, if people who speak Spanish know exactly what I'm talking about, I don't speak Spanish...
00:18:51.000 I speak Spanish like a South American, and you would know that it's probably from Colombia or Peru, that area, because there's very specific little accent details, just like here, when someone's from New York, from Boston, someone's from Texas, you pick up someone from Maryland,
00:19:07.000 You know, someone even like specifically Baltimore has a very specific accent.
00:19:11.000 So when you speak Spanish, it's the same deal, right?
00:19:13.000 You pick up on these little details.
00:19:15.000 Right.
00:19:16.000 And people who are native Spanish speakers will go, oh, are you from Argentina?
00:19:21.000 To me all the time, even though I have nothing of an Argentine accent.
00:19:26.000 But they do it because I look like I'm more from Argentina than I am from Peru.
00:19:32.000 Isn't that interesting?
00:19:33.000 So they're associating what they see and not what they hear.
00:19:36.000 Well, Argentina is more like Spain, whereas Peru is more like Mexico than the look.
00:19:43.000 Features-wise, there's a way bigger native Indian population in Peru.
00:19:49.000 Way more.
00:19:50.000 And there's a white, Caucasian population, too.
00:19:54.000 It's just a great minority.
00:19:55.000 In Argentina, it's the opposite.
00:19:57.000 Didn't a lot of Nazis go down there when the shit hit the fan?
00:20:00.000 To Argentina?
00:20:00.000 Fuck, yeah.
00:20:01.000 Yeah, they did, right?
00:20:02.000 Yeah, and the most famous of all extractions, the story The House on Garibaldi Street is about...
00:20:10.000 I like how you say that.
00:20:11.000 Yeah.
00:20:12.000 Garibaldi.
00:20:13.000 The, um, Eichmann.
00:20:16.000 Oh, yeah.
00:20:17.000 Eichmann moved to Buenos Aires, and he was living in a house, and he had his family there, right?
00:20:24.000 His wife, his kids.
00:20:26.000 One of his kids told somebody in school about, like, as a secret, told a girl he was dating about the truth of his family.
00:20:36.000 Oh, no!
00:20:37.000 The girl ratted him out.
00:20:40.000 And what Israel did, which is considered unacceptable when you talk about the way that countries interact with international standards and treaties and the way that we all have kind of a diplomatic process that we go about, is they came in and Jason Bournstyle took that motherfucker,
00:20:59.000 kidnapped him, flew him back to Israel and was like, we got this guy.
00:21:03.000 And they were like, what?
00:21:04.000 Like that kind of shit.
00:21:05.000 Instead of trying to go about, hey, we want to go for a whole extradition, They came in, snagged him, brought him back.
00:21:13.000 Yeah, the Israelis don't play.
00:21:15.000 Fuck no, man.
00:21:16.000 No, they don't play when it comes to that shit either.
00:21:18.000 Uh-uh.
00:21:19.000 Some girl, I mean, it's kind of a fucked up story, but some girl was a photographer, and she had gone to...
00:21:26.000 The West Bank and she took some photographs and when she was going through Israeli customs some of the photographs were like of spray paint graffiti and one of them said like fuck the Jews.
00:21:36.000 Oh shit.
00:21:36.000 So the dude puts her laptop down on the ground he goes I'll be right back He takes a gun, comes back and shoots the fucking laptop.
00:21:45.000 Wow.
00:21:45.000 Shot the laptop and gave it back to her, the bullet hole in it.
00:21:49.000 Wow.
00:21:51.000 And she was like, what the fuck?
00:21:53.000 I'm a photographer.
00:21:54.000 I saw this.
00:21:55.000 I'm taking pictures of chaos.
00:21:58.000 You know, she's a Jew, by the way.
00:22:01.000 She's a Jew?
00:22:01.000 Yes, she was a Jew.
00:22:03.000 Jesus.
00:22:05.000 They don't fucking play.
00:22:06.000 No, man.
00:22:07.000 Fuck the Jews.
00:22:07.000 Oh, okay, we'll be right back.
00:22:08.000 Clearly there's no explaining it either.
00:22:10.000 Like, nah, here's the thing, man.
00:22:11.000 Like, nah.
00:22:12.000 They just took it.
00:22:13.000 It's over.
00:22:13.000 Doom, doom, doom.
00:22:16.000 And then the guy handed it to her.
00:22:17.000 Did you see that guy do that online?
00:22:20.000 The dad?
00:22:21.000 What did he do?
00:22:21.000 His daughter, this has nothing to do with racism or anything, but his daughter was complaining about her parents on Facebook.
00:22:29.000 Oh, God.
00:22:30.000 And like, fucking these chores.
00:22:31.000 They think I'm like their slave, like telling me I have to do all these chores.
00:22:35.000 So the guy is like, and she had her Facebook page locked.
00:22:39.000 So, like, her family couldn't see it.
00:22:41.000 Well, her dad's, like, a software guy, and he's like, you forgot, like, what I do for a living, right?
00:22:45.000 He made a video.
00:22:46.000 He's like, so I saw what you said.
00:22:48.000 So you think we mistreat you?
00:22:50.000 You're a slave in this house?
00:22:52.000 Okay, well, here's your laptop.
00:22:53.000 I just spent a few hundred dollars upgrading it.
00:22:55.000 And he puts it on the ground, and he just...
00:22:57.000 He empties like a.45 into it.
00:22:58.000 Oh my god.
00:23:00.000 He's like, I'm going to put this on your Facebook page so all your friends can see this shit.
00:23:03.000 Like, extreme.
00:23:05.000 Yeah.
00:23:06.000 But he was like, Daddy, don't play.
00:23:08.000 Holy shit.
00:23:09.000 He shot it in front of her?
00:23:10.000 No, he just shot it in a video so that she would see it on her Facebook page.
00:23:13.000 Oh.
00:23:14.000 Like her laptop when she got home from school.
00:23:16.000 I got confused.
00:23:17.000 I thought he was doing it in front of her.
00:23:18.000 No, no, no, no, no.
00:23:19.000 He did it like as a, you know, a message to her.
00:23:23.000 So she would go online later.
00:23:24.000 And see that on her own Facebook page.
00:23:27.000 Is this it?
00:23:29.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:23:30.000 You know what, man?
00:23:31.000 First of all, I don't think this guy understands he's putting his daughter out there like that.
00:23:35.000 It's shaming her.
00:23:36.000 It's humiliating her.
00:23:37.000 It's a douchey thing to do.
00:23:38.000 You're raising a human being.
00:23:40.000 You don't do that in front of the whole fucking world by shaming them.
00:23:43.000 Humiliation has a really profound effect.
00:23:45.000 It does, man.
00:23:46.000 And it's intense and it's unnecessary.
00:23:48.000 The guy's a father.
00:23:51.000 That said, it's pretty funny.
00:23:52.000 It's...
00:23:54.000 I mean, I don't recommend you, but if you do it, I'll watch the video.
00:23:57.000 The guy's a shithead, though.
00:23:59.000 He's a shithead, but I imagine that she stopped posting.
00:24:03.000 You might not even know he's a shithead, you know, because part of raising a kid, I don't want to sound like Dr. Oz, but part of raising a kid is...
00:24:12.000 Wow, this guy's just shooting the laptop.
00:24:16.000 One, two, three, four, five, six.
00:24:17.000 Oh, yeah.
00:24:18.000 And after that comment you made about your mom, your mom told me to be sure I put one there for her.
00:24:22.000 So that one's from her.
00:24:24.000 Oh, my God.
00:24:24.000 That's a fucked up shit.
00:24:26.000 That's rednecks with guns.
00:24:29.000 Now I'm out.
00:24:31.000 Alright.
00:24:32.000 Wow.
00:24:33.000 That's disturbing.
00:24:34.000 That guy's a knucklehead.
00:24:36.000 That guy's a serious knucklehead.
00:24:38.000 He might not even know he's a knucklehead.
00:24:39.000 People think that when you're raising a child that you're supposed to, you know, that somehow or another their development isn't your responsibility.
00:24:50.000 They just want you to grow up on your own.
00:24:52.000 They don't want to sort of guide you along the way and explain in a nice, healthy way why what you're doing is incorrect and Here's where we're really coming from.
00:25:03.000 You know, and people just work.
00:25:04.000 They work, and they leave their kids alone.
00:25:06.000 And then when they get home, they're tired, they stick them in front of the TV, and then they wonder why this girl is ranting and raving and saying stupid shit.
00:25:13.000 A lot of the reason why kids say stupid shit is just because they're getting older, they're getting a mind of their own, they think they got it all figured out yet, or now.
00:25:21.000 But a lot of it is also because they're being raised by morons that shoot computers.
00:25:25.000 Right, and what effect is the computer shooting really going to have?
00:25:29.000 The guy's a moron.
00:25:30.000 That's a moron move.
00:25:31.000 She's going to have a gun.
00:25:32.000 She's going to think that you could just shoot laptops.
00:25:34.000 Well, she might shoot him, man.
00:25:36.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:25:36.000 Dude, that guy's a dick.
00:25:37.000 That's a dick move.
00:25:38.000 To not just do that, to do that's a dick move.
00:25:40.000 To put it on her fucking Facebook...
00:25:43.000 That's a super dick move.
00:25:44.000 Yeah, or she might learn that the way to handle somebody upsetting you is to shoot their shit, too.
00:25:52.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:25:53.000 My daddy told me not to take no guff.
00:25:56.000 My daddy told me how to get back in a motherfucker of 45. I'll shoot your fucking football.
00:26:03.000 Light shit up, and you're like, wow, you're kind of the wrong chick for me.
00:26:07.000 Those wild redneck bitches.
00:26:09.000 Yee-haw!
00:26:11.000 Those West Virginia girls?
00:26:12.000 Finna get some dick!
00:26:14.000 Woo!
00:26:16.000 You see that?
00:26:17.000 The wild and wonderful...
00:26:18.000 You gave me that.
00:26:19.000 That's right.
00:26:19.000 You gave me that.
00:26:20.000 My favorite part of that whole movie is one of the fucking absolute disasters of that family.
00:26:28.000 It's like, this right here.
00:26:30.000 She's like...
00:26:31.000 I got these Xanax, got them for like $6 a piece, roll down the street, sell them for $8 a piece, a little boot scootin' boogie right there, make some money.
00:26:39.000 You're selling it for $2 more.
00:26:41.000 Well, that's all you can get.
00:26:43.000 Right, but she's like, we're making cash today.
00:26:46.000 That's how we do.
00:26:47.000 We got $16 now, bitch.
00:26:49.000 Yeah, there's not much...
00:26:51.000 There's not much room there.
00:26:53.000 That shit's incredible.
00:26:55.000 Plus, if you go to jail, all your profits are going to get eaten up by your attorneys and your court fees.
00:27:00.000 You're going to be out of work.
00:27:01.000 But they're never out of work because they're never working, which is hilarious.
00:27:04.000 That's the best part, yeah.
00:27:05.000 When they talk to the politician, the Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia, I believe Johnny Knoxville directed it or produced it or something along those lines.
00:27:13.000 His company, I think, produced that movie, yeah.
00:27:15.000 And he just was embedded.
00:27:17.000 He was embedded in their lifestyle, and you got a chance to see them for real, legit, 100%, where they are.
00:27:24.000 And they're awesome.
00:27:26.000 And people are like, that's so depressing!
00:27:27.000 No.
00:27:28.000 You can decide it's depressing.
00:27:30.000 Or you can decide it's like a human zoo that's awesome.
00:27:33.000 Yeah.
00:27:35.000 There's a point you're watching that movie, and you go, there's no way it can continue.
00:27:41.000 There's no way there's another character after this in this family.
00:27:44.000 And that's about 10 minutes in.
00:27:48.000 And they just keep going!
00:27:49.000 And then an hour in, you're like, you've got to be shitting me right now.
00:27:53.000 And the next guy, and I shot him in this chest.
00:27:56.000 And you're like, what the fuck?
00:27:58.000 How about that one dude who had escaped the state?
00:28:00.000 He moved up to Minnesota.
00:28:02.000 He has family.
00:28:02.000 He's just sitting there.
00:28:03.000 They're all sitting around drinking going, man, they're just too fucking crazy.
00:28:06.000 Yeah, he had to get out of there.
00:28:07.000 They're just too fucking crazy.
00:28:09.000 Yeah, he does not belong.
00:28:11.000 That's good that he left.
00:28:12.000 He's the black sheep.
00:28:12.000 He's the guy with a job and a family.
00:28:14.000 He looked all responsible and shit.
00:28:16.000 And he's the asshole in that family.
00:28:17.000 They're like, he's a fucking asshole.
00:28:20.000 Because he got his shit together and left.
00:28:22.000 Yeah, he's a fucking...
00:28:23.000 Look at him.
00:28:24.000 He gonna sell out.
00:28:25.000 He gonna sell out.
00:28:27.000 Go ahead.
00:28:28.000 Go ahead.
00:28:29.000 Work for your money.
00:28:30.000 But he had a story, too.
00:28:31.000 He had done at least one or two crazy things, I think, right?
00:28:35.000 He did at least one big crazy shit.
00:28:38.000 If you don't believe that this movie is ridiculous, you think we're exaggerating, you just gotta hear this woman, Bobby Sue, talk.
00:28:46.000 See if you can find Bobby Sue from Wild and Wonderful West.
00:28:51.000 It's Bobby Sue, right?
00:28:53.000 Wasn't it?
00:28:53.000 Sue Bob.
00:28:54.000 Sue Bob.
00:28:54.000 Sue Bob.
00:28:55.000 Sue Bob.
00:28:55.000 My name's Sue Bob.
00:28:57.000 They call me I'm the sexy one in the family.
00:29:01.000 And she's being serious.
00:29:03.000 She's kind of sexy in kind of a crazy way.
00:29:05.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:29:06.000 A little bit.
00:29:07.000 Probably the one you'd want.
00:29:09.000 A little mug of moonshine chaos.
00:29:10.000 If those were your options, I think you wouldn't be too...
00:29:13.000 If you were living up there, and that was your life, and you're selling pills for two bucks over for a living, and Subod wants to throw down, you're like, hold on, let me put the possum away.
00:29:24.000 Yeah, they are fucking epic disasters.
00:29:27.000 Yeah, and no, I don't wish they were like this.
00:29:31.000 Absolutely, I wish that they were really nice people who are normal.
00:29:36.000 Oh, that's not the one.
00:29:38.000 There it is.
00:29:40.000 That's a woman.
00:29:45.000 Yeah.
00:29:50.000 I've always been the sexiest one in the family.
00:29:53.000 I've always had comments from thousands of people.
00:29:56.000 Would you do that?
00:29:58.000 You gotta do what you gotta do.
00:30:00.000 If you're trapped in West Virginia and you're on a horse and there's no way out, you gotta do what you gotta do.
00:30:05.000 I've always been the sexiest one in my family.
00:30:08.000 Jesus.
00:30:09.000 She looked like a female version of world pool champion Johnny Archer.
00:30:15.000 Is he the sexiest one in pool?
00:30:16.000 Yes.
00:30:17.000 And she's the sexiest one in the family.
00:30:19.000 Don't hate.
00:30:20.000 It just is what it is, man.
00:30:22.000 I've always been the sexiest one.
00:30:24.000 Her voice is like...
00:30:25.000 It makes you wonder if life is real.
00:30:29.000 It makes you wonder if, like, when you see that or you see Grizzly Man or any of this, it makes you wonder, man.
00:30:37.000 That clip also lets you know, it makes you wonder if life can affect your voice.
00:30:41.000 You know what I mean?
00:30:42.000 Cigarettes.
00:30:42.000 Yeah, but I mean, like, that has, imagine the impact that's had.
00:30:46.000 Her voice was not always like that.
00:30:48.000 No, it couldn't have been, right?
00:30:49.000 No way.
00:30:50.000 No way, man.
00:30:51.000 That is long.
00:30:52.000 That's a lot of sleepless nights.
00:30:54.000 That's a lot of being up till 5am.
00:30:57.000 That's two minimum, like two packs of pills.
00:31:01.000 That's hard living.
00:31:02.000 What are you talking about?
00:31:04.000 Don't be scared.
00:31:05.000 Don't be scared, pussy.
00:31:07.000 Don't act like you don't think I'm sexy still.
00:31:08.000 Someone sounds like a pussy.
00:31:10.000 And then there's the mom who runs everything.
00:31:13.000 That mom is badass.
00:31:14.000 Bootscoot and boogie.
00:31:16.000 That's her.
00:31:16.000 She's the one dealing.
00:31:17.000 What was your name?
00:31:19.000 Fuck, I don't remember, man.
00:31:20.000 I don't remember.
00:31:21.000 That was a goddamn good movie.
00:31:23.000 And yeah, I agree.
00:31:25.000 It's depressing.
00:31:25.000 But it is.
00:31:26.000 It's out there.
00:31:27.000 It is what it is.
00:31:27.000 I always talk about Stevie.
00:31:29.000 You saw Stevie?
00:31:29.000 Stevie.
00:31:30.000 The documentary?
00:31:31.000 No.
00:31:32.000 What's that?
00:31:32.000 It's super...
00:31:33.000 It's hilarious.
00:31:34.000 But it's also...
00:31:36.000 People are like, dude, this is a bummer.
00:31:38.000 I'm like, it's still hysterical.
00:31:39.000 What's it about?
00:31:40.000 It follows this guy, Stevie, who the filmmaker actually was like a big brother to him in like the Big Brother program or something, and goes back and revisits him like 20 years later.
00:31:52.000 And he is, like he belongs in the White's West Virginia family.
00:31:58.000 You know, he's one of those guys.
00:31:59.000 And, like, he gets...
00:32:01.000 It's...
00:32:02.000 He's fucking retarded.
00:32:04.000 I mean, there's no other, like...
00:32:05.000 Do you have a Stevie clip?
00:32:07.000 This is the only thing that came up with Stevie.
00:32:10.000 Oh, really?
00:32:11.000 That's not it, though, right?
00:32:11.000 That's definitely not it.
00:32:12.000 This is not acting.
00:32:13.000 You're talking about a real...
00:32:14.000 No, no, no.
00:32:15.000 It's the same guy that made Hoop Dreams.
00:32:16.000 Did you ever see Hoop Dreams?
00:32:17.000 It's a really good documentary.
00:32:18.000 No, never saw it either.
00:32:19.000 It's a really good documentary.
00:32:20.000 Yeah.
00:32:21.000 Yeah, I heard it was really good.
00:32:22.000 Fantastic.
00:32:22.000 There's so many films that I never get to, man.
00:32:24.000 Yeah, oh, me too.
00:32:25.000 I still don't have the time.
00:32:26.000 Me too.
00:32:26.000 I'm like married to a few of them and then I don't really even...
00:32:29.000 There's so many out there that are so good.
00:32:32.000 Is this it?
00:32:32.000 Let's see.
00:32:33.000 Just very solitary, not involved with other people a whole lot.
00:32:38.000 There he is.
00:32:40.000 That's Stevie.
00:32:40.000 Abused and neglected.
00:32:42.000 That's kind of the M.O. for somebody who molests kids.
00:32:48.000 There he is.
00:32:49.000 You've got to look at it really cold.
00:32:51.000 Because if you start looking at the human individuals, and well, yeah, he's really not that bad of a guy.
00:32:56.000 Well, why don't you look at the victim?
00:32:59.000 You know, the victim wasn't that bad of a person either.
00:33:02.000 I mean, you've given him chances in the past, and now he's gotten himself in a load of trouble, and you give him another chance?
00:33:13.000 That guy's a smooth talker.
00:33:16.000 Yeah.
00:33:17.000 Do you think Steve's innocent?
00:33:19.000 No, because he said he told me what he did do.
00:33:23.000 That's his sister.
00:33:24.000 I think he went after his sister's daughter.
00:33:28.000 His niece.
00:33:30.000 They might call you as a witness.
00:33:33.000 If this goes to trial.
00:33:35.000 You know, this isn't the funniest clip, actually.
00:33:37.000 Yeah.
00:33:38.000 Let's talk about the floodings in Japan now.
00:33:41.000 So, here's the thing.
00:33:43.000 When I talk about the funny stuff in this movie, before you think I'm insane, it's because of, like, the little things, like, you know, before it all goes down...
00:33:52.000 Like, he's like, they call me Snake because I ain't afraid of them.
00:33:54.000 You know, they always call me Snake.
00:33:56.000 The guy with the glasses?
00:33:57.000 Yeah, yeah, Stevie.
00:33:58.000 And you're like, no one, no one.
00:33:59.000 Before everything went down?
00:33:59.000 You know, before he gets arrested and stuff.
00:34:03.000 And they're just following him around.
00:34:05.000 And like...
00:34:06.000 Is that him on the left?
00:34:08.000 Wearing that tie-dye shirt?
00:34:09.000 Yes, yes.
00:34:10.000 And that's the kind of the shit I'm saying that you laugh at.
00:34:12.000 He's over here.
00:34:13.000 Go ahead and get it here.
00:34:15.000 Well, your sister's discount.
00:34:17.000 Wow.
00:34:19.000 He's just a fucking idiot, you know.
00:34:22.000 Oh man, who the fuck would leave that guy alone with your kid?
00:34:26.000 Yeah, that's a great, great question.
00:34:29.000 What a piece of shit.
00:34:30.000 He's a spectacular piece of shit.
00:34:32.000 Pieces of shit that molest kids, man.
00:34:34.000 That's a real special piece of shit.
00:34:37.000 Yeah, oh yeah.
00:34:38.000 The recidivism rate is so high, and the amount of fucked-up-edness you have to have going on to do that is so high.
00:34:45.000 That's a really bad one.
00:34:47.000 That's one that's really hard to forgive.
00:35:04.000 Dawkins got in a lot of trouble for talking about mild pedophilia.
00:35:07.000 No.
00:35:08.000 It's really weird, man.
00:35:10.000 What'd he say?
00:35:11.000 Hold on.
00:35:12.000 I hope I'll find it for you.
00:35:14.000 He said that as long as it's just mild touching up, that your psychology...
00:35:29.000 Yeah, he's like your mind would protect you from it as long as it was just mild touching up.
00:35:35.000 You know, it's really weird.
00:35:38.000 The quote is really weird.
00:35:40.000 He says that he experienced mild pedophilia in English school when he was a child in the 1950s.
00:35:47.000 Referring to his early days at boarding school in Salisbury, he recalled how one of the unnamed masters pulled me on his knee and put his hand inside my shorts.
00:35:56.000 He said other children in his school peer group had been molested by the same teacher but concluded,"'I didn't think he did any of us lasting harm.'" I'm very conscious that you can't condemn people of an earlier era by the standards of ours just as we don't look back at the 18th and 19th centuries and condemn people for racism in the same way we would condemn a modern person for racism.
00:36:20.000 I look back a few decades into my childhood and I see things like canning, like mild pedophilia, and can't find it in me to condemn it by the same standards as I or anyone would today, he said.
00:36:32.000 That's interesting.
00:36:34.000 I think that's kind of, you know, it's very brave of him to say because it's very controversial, obviously.
00:36:42.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't totally disagree with him as far as holding people to different eras of different standards.
00:36:48.000 Yes.
00:36:48.000 I don't think that he should be the one...
00:36:51.000 Necessary to comment on how that might have affected some of his classmates, though.
00:36:55.000 Right.
00:36:55.000 You know, when he says, like, I don't think any of us were really too affected by that.
00:37:00.000 I mean, you don't know that some of those guys might have been completely traumatized by that.
00:37:03.000 Well, you know, quite honestly, some people would say that he's been damaged by it.
00:37:07.000 Sure.
00:37:07.000 And he just doesn't realize it.
00:37:08.000 Absolutely.
00:37:09.000 That, you know, maybe that would make sense for why, you know, he's gotten into some of the situations that he's gotten into.
00:37:16.000 Some of the things that he's said in the past that have been fairly controversial.
00:37:19.000 Sure.
00:37:19.000 Maybe it was about this.
00:37:22.000 But people think it's super irresponsible.
00:37:25.000 That's the main rub of anybody to go out there and say, oh, it's not that big a deal for a little mild pedophilia.
00:37:32.000 Projecting.
00:37:32.000 Well, yeah.
00:37:33.000 And not only that, but it also could almost encourage mild pedophilia as being nothing.
00:37:40.000 Of course.
00:37:40.000 And then you go back to like what I was saying where he, the guy that is doing this, then justify, he's like, I'm not really, like, it's so minor, I'm just, you know.
00:37:50.000 Right.
00:37:50.000 Now clearly he's saying that this is a different era and he's talking about a different era and that we can't judge the people of that era today.
00:38:00.000 But he's still talking about it as if there's like a mechanism to protect you.
00:38:06.000 Right.
00:38:07.000 From this kind of, I'm going to sneeze, sorry.
00:38:08.000 Okay.
00:38:09.000 I felt it coming.
00:38:12.000 You know what happened?
00:38:16.000 I cleaned my nose hairs out.
00:38:17.000 I got a little nose hair trimmer and sometimes they get some strays up there and you just can't resist those sneezes when they're coming.
00:38:23.000 Did you get that from Light?
00:38:25.000 No, but when I look at light, it'll make me sneeze.
00:38:28.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
00:38:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:29.000 I knew it was coming, and I had to stare at the light.
00:38:31.000 That's like a percentage of the population does that.
00:38:34.000 Really?
00:38:35.000 It's called light-induced sneezing.
00:38:38.000 Oh, that's interesting.
00:38:39.000 So, like, I'm one of those, too, where I get...
00:38:41.000 And I've told people like that about it, and they're like, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:38:45.000 And they have no...
00:38:46.000 Like, you have never done that?
00:38:47.000 Never heard of that?
00:38:48.000 Because if I would be outside, I'd just be sneezing all like crazy.
00:38:51.000 No, but look it up.
00:38:52.000 Like, look up, like, sunlight-induced or light-induced sneezing.
00:38:56.000 You'll see that, like...
00:38:57.000 Induced.
00:38:58.000 You like that, too?
00:38:59.000 Oh, yeah.
00:39:00.000 Yeah.
00:39:00.000 Big time.
00:39:01.000 Yeah, if you walk out of, like, a movie theater, you're like, oh, shit, and, like, just...
00:39:05.000 Yeah, every time.
00:39:06.000 So what people are saying, people are really pissed at him.
00:39:09.000 And this guy, his name is Peter Watt.
00:39:11.000 He's director of the Child Protection of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.
00:39:17.000 He said Dawkins' remarks were a terrible slight on those who have been abused and suffered the effects for decades.
00:39:23.000 Mr. Dawkins seems to think that because a crime was committed a long time ago, we should judge it in a different way.
00:39:27.000 Watt said, we know that victims of sexual abuse suffer the same effects whether it was 50 years ago or today.
00:39:34.000 Yeah, he's probably, you know, correct.
00:39:37.000 I mean, the thing that you have to examine is like Dawkins' statement.
00:39:42.000 I think you consider it case by case.
00:39:44.000 I don't mean pedophilia case by case.
00:39:47.000 I mean the whole idea about judging people based on an era.
00:39:51.000 To a degree, you kind of go, well, in a certain era, certain point of views were allowed.
00:39:59.000 But I don't know that that really...
00:40:02.000 Applies to pedophilia.
00:40:04.000 Yeah, it doesn't...
00:40:05.000 It seems like that's always been a really dark thing to do, but what's really fucked up is when you go way back to, like, the classics, like, if you go back to, you know, like, Socrates was gay.
00:40:18.000 Like, there was a lot of guys back then that were not just gay but took on young boys as lovers.
00:40:22.000 Sure, right.
00:40:23.000 That was very common amongst the samurai.
00:40:25.000 Samurai took on young boys as lovers.
00:40:27.000 That applies to what he's saying, right?
00:40:28.000 Your examples are people in...
00:40:30.000 Now, this happens to be much longer a time ago, but it's...
00:40:34.000 Well, it's very different when a person who's alive today in the context of our society right now speaks about pedophilia as if it's not that big a deal when it happened to him.
00:40:45.000 Yeah.
00:40:46.000 And someone talking about, like...
00:40:49.000 Almost an imperceptible difference.
00:40:51.000 Yeah.
00:40:52.000 I mean, not imperceptible, but inconceivable difference between the way the culture of Japan in the 12th century was and the culture of the United States in 2013. I mean, they're not even the same planet.
00:41:04.000 Right.
00:41:04.000 It's so hard to...
00:41:05.000 You're dealing with A, Japanese.
00:41:07.000 They have a completely different language, different culture.
00:41:10.000 And this is a long, long, long, long, long fucking time ago when people couldn't even...
00:41:15.000 It took a long time to get anywhere.
00:41:16.000 You could get by boat or by horse, but for the most part, people fucking stood still.
00:41:20.000 And they developed their own culture sort of away from the rest of the world.
00:41:24.000 And it's one of the more fascinating aspects about it.
00:41:27.000 But when you look back, what is the common theme?
00:41:30.000 The common theme in almost all these cultures is gay sex.
00:41:34.000 Gay sex and pedophilia.
00:41:37.000 Like, they did it throughout Rome, throughout the Greeks, all the, like, Spartans were gay, samurais, like, there was so much gay sex.
00:41:46.000 Our idea of what, like, sex is in 2013, like, we think that, well, back then, you know, if you got locked up in prison, you had to fuck a dude, like, no big deal.
00:41:56.000 No.
00:41:57.000 No, they were banging each other.
00:41:58.000 They were banging everybody.
00:41:59.000 Yeah.
00:42:00.000 Like, I want to know when people, like, settle down and stop just fucking guys all the time.
00:42:04.000 Well, there was no...
00:42:05.000 There was no judgment about that, too.
00:42:07.000 None, none, none.
00:42:07.000 So that was like, hey man, dick's hard, you got an asshole, let's do it.
00:42:11.000 It's almost like it was too hard to get laid back then.
00:42:13.000 Yeah.
00:42:13.000 You know, and like, sometimes you just had to do what you had to do.
00:42:16.000 I gotta imagine that if you go back far enough, a lot of sexual behavior went unchecked.
00:42:21.000 It was just, you were just acting on it.
00:42:23.000 Yeah.
00:42:23.000 You went into whatever sex act you wanted, desired that, like, your fucking monkey brain was dictating, and you didn't really think about, you know...
00:42:34.000 Like, the way that your culture looked upon it.
00:42:36.000 People just did stuff, right?
00:42:37.000 And then that was it.
00:42:39.000 And there was no, I'm going to talk to somebody about you made me uncomfortable.
00:42:42.000 Like, you just did whatever you wanted to do.
00:42:46.000 And there's no HR department back then.
00:42:49.000 In that way, like, unchecked civilization like that clearly is a different form of civilization.
00:42:54.000 Yeah, it's a different world.
00:42:55.000 It's Wild Wild West type shit.
00:42:57.000 Oh, yeah.
00:42:57.000 To the fucking umpteenth power, though, when you talk about hundreds of years ago.
00:43:02.000 Oh, yeah.
00:43:03.000 Well, when you get really dark.
00:43:04.000 Viking shit.
00:43:05.000 Oh, yeah.
00:43:06.000 Or all of ancient Europe.
00:43:09.000 Yeah.
00:43:09.000 Have you ever heard of Lady Bathory?
00:43:11.000 You ever heard of this fucking evil bitch?
00:43:13.000 No.
00:43:13.000 Elizabeth Bathory.
00:43:14.000 She was a royalty in 1560 in Hungary.
00:43:21.000 Yeah.
00:43:23.000 And this bitch killed, like, they don't even know how many women.
00:43:27.000 She started getting, as she got older, she started killing younger women.
00:43:30.000 She didn't want them around.
00:43:32.000 Looking pretty sure she would cut them up and torture them and kill them.
00:43:35.000 And she killed hundreds of them.
00:43:38.000 Hundreds of them.
00:43:39.000 Because you're a pretty bitch?
00:43:40.000 And they didn't even kill her.
00:43:42.000 When it was over, they convicted her and put her in a room for life.
00:43:47.000 They just locked her in this room.
00:43:48.000 Hungarian.
00:43:49.000 Yeah, well, she was royalty.
00:43:50.000 Yeah.
00:43:51.000 So because of the fact that she was royalty, they just decided not to kill her.
00:43:54.000 Yeah, the level of brutality, when you go back for it, like, you ever read about Vlad the Impaler?
00:44:01.000 Yes.
00:44:01.000 I mean, he would impale enemies and people in his camp who didn't, like, who...
00:44:08.000 Yeah.
00:44:28.000 Just in the sun for a day.
00:44:32.000 Holy shit.
00:44:33.000 With a fucking wooden rod up through your asshole, going through your body and coming out like your shoulder or mouth, and you're just bleeding.
00:44:41.000 I mean, it's a pretty gruesome way to go.
00:44:43.000 Oh, my God.
00:44:43.000 Talk about a bad set.
00:44:46.000 I think it was in Persia.
00:44:49.000 Steak in Persia.
00:44:51.000 Hold on.
00:44:51.000 Did you see this picture?
00:44:52.000 There's a story about these people back in the Roman days where there was like miles of bodies on stakes to warn people.
00:45:06.000 As they approached, so as these people approached, I need to find the exact story, but as these people approached, I guess they were approaching Persia, they had miles of bodies on stakes to let you know,
00:45:22.000 like, you're coming here and trying to fuck with us, this is what we're going to do to you.
00:45:26.000 Yeah, and you'd get that stench about five miles before you saw it, you know?
00:45:30.000 You'd be like, what is that smell, man?
00:45:32.000 But just the idea that people would do that, that they would just run rows and rows and rows of bodies.
00:45:39.000 Do you think that the only reason that doesn't go on today is because there's like that morally checking thing?
00:45:48.000 Yeah.
00:45:49.000 Because that would suggest that there's like...
00:45:51.000 Way more either acceptance of that behavior or there's just like crazier sociopaths just running shit all the time, you know?
00:46:00.000 Well, I think...
00:46:02.000 They probably are today.
00:46:03.000 I think it's way...
00:46:04.000 They're way better at like hiding the more fucked up things that people do today.
00:46:09.000 That would be like way out in the open.
00:46:12.000 Yeah.
00:46:12.000 You know, like it's...
00:46:14.000 The situation that's going on right now in Syria, where everybody's saying that this is the most important thing, that we have to step up and we have to go and we have to attack Syria, because Syria has done this thing and these people have died and these innocents are being poisoned.
00:46:30.000 There's no mention whatsoever in the mainstream news of the irony of the guy who is the head of the United States military, the commander-in-chief, talking about innocent people dying.
00:46:44.000 Right.
00:46:44.000 I mean, it's kind of crazy.
00:46:45.000 Right.
00:46:45.000 Oh, yeah.
00:46:46.000 It's like this idea that there's a certain amount of innocent people that must die, and those are okay.
00:46:52.000 Right.
00:46:52.000 But when innocent people die and this guy did it...
00:46:56.000 Then it's really bad.
00:46:58.000 And especially the way he did it.
00:46:59.000 Right.
00:46:59.000 You know, the way he did it with poison, and we just, we can't take that.
00:47:02.000 We're drawing the line.
00:47:03.000 We're going to have to kill some more people because of that.
00:47:05.000 Right, right.
00:47:05.000 And innocent people will die because we have to protect innocent people.
00:47:09.000 So we have to go in there.
00:47:10.000 This guy killed innocent people.
00:47:12.000 We'll probably kill way more innocent people than a thousand.
00:47:14.000 With our, yeah.
00:47:15.000 If we went in there, if the army, the United States Army, unless Syria just said, fuck this, and they laid down their guns and went face down and put their hands behind their heads, immediately, someone's going to die.
00:47:25.000 People are going to die.
00:47:26.000 It's crazy.
00:47:27.000 It's like the idea behind it.
00:47:29.000 It's like one of the weirdest ideas ever.
00:47:30.000 Well, the perspective you're talking about is pretty much purposely kept out of our U.S. kind of mainstream news discussions.
00:47:38.000 They're not even allowed to photograph coffins.
00:47:40.000 That was something that was passed during the Bush administration.
00:47:43.000 You couldn't take photos of coffins.
00:47:45.000 Yeah, sure.
00:47:46.000 That would have an impact.
00:47:47.000 But we can kill people.
00:47:49.000 How insane is that?
00:47:50.000 It's okay to do that, but the reality of it should never get back home because it could weaken morale.
00:47:56.000 Yeah.
00:47:57.000 Like, whew!
00:47:58.000 You're stomping information.
00:48:00.000 Like, information is critical for people to understand the actual parameters of the situation they're involved in.
00:48:06.000 And if you change that information, or change how much of that information gets out, you'd greatly alter.
00:48:12.000 If you can't see evidence of it, they're not seeing bodies, they're not seeing the damage.
00:48:18.000 We're good to go.
00:48:41.000 Morale only weakens when it's supposed to be weakened.
00:48:43.000 If we were off there fighting werewolves and bodies were coming back like that, we would salute them and praise them in their quest to save the human race from the werewolves.
00:48:53.000 That they died nobly.
00:48:54.000 We would celebrate them.
00:48:56.000 We would fucking have parades for them.
00:48:57.000 Nobly celebrate them.
00:48:59.000 But that's not what we're doing.
00:49:00.000 We're hiding them.
00:49:01.000 We're hiding the photos.
00:49:02.000 We don't show them to anybody.
00:49:03.000 Because the whole thing is chaos.
00:49:05.000 And if you really boil it down, was it worth it that your child died to promote this agenda?
00:49:10.000 No, it's not.
00:49:11.000 It's not.
00:49:12.000 That's not the only way it could have been done.
00:49:14.000 That's crazy.
00:49:15.000 To say it's the only way it could have been done is absolute bananas.
00:49:17.000 Yeah.
00:49:18.000 Well, I hope the diplomatic strategy works out.
00:49:21.000 I hope so, too.
00:49:22.000 But, I mean, I can't believe that we're still committed to fucking years and years of war in 2013. I know.
00:49:28.000 It just doesn't make any sense anymore.
00:49:29.000 I know.
00:49:30.000 I know.
00:49:30.000 It's interesting, too, if you...
00:49:32.000 Because it really is up to you to figure out stories.
00:49:38.000 It's interesting to go to different sites to see how they present the story.
00:49:41.000 The same story.
00:49:42.000 Oh, yeah.
00:49:43.000 If you go, you read CNN, and then you go to Drudge to see how they report it, and you go to BBC, Guardian, Al Jazeera, you'll get the same story reported in six different ways.
00:49:56.000 Yeah.
00:49:56.000 And you've got to kind of decipher that you have to pick up on the fact and know That everybody has a bias even when they don't have a bias, you know?
00:50:06.000 There's built-in bias to every angle, every story.
00:50:10.000 Oh, yeah.
00:50:10.000 You have to be able to break that down to whatever degree because you have your own bias that wants to lean a certain way.
00:50:16.000 Right.
00:50:16.000 And you go, this is the story I'm going to run with.
00:50:19.000 The one that this person reported.
00:50:21.000 And that's a big one whenever you've got anyone that's pushing a left-wing or a white-wing agenda.
00:50:26.000 Whenever you start hearing about what the Democrats want to do is give everybody this, take all your hard-earned money, and you're like, oh, you're not even being honest here.
00:50:35.000 You're just putting on this puppet show.
00:50:37.000 And you're probably invested in winning this puppet show, or in making this puppet show very convincing.
00:50:43.000 You've got lobbyists that are counting on you to get me to believe your perspective on this right now.
00:50:47.000 For sure.
00:50:48.000 They're filling up your pockets, man.
00:50:50.000 Yeah, what a ridiculous way to run a government.
00:50:52.000 The idea that that's how we run it, all this money and influence.
00:50:56.000 They're all always, always only thinking about their next election.
00:51:00.000 Don't worry!
00:51:01.000 We're thinking of you!
00:51:02.000 I'm not thinking of all this money!
00:51:05.000 All these people that have this money, that got me into this position, I don't think about them.
00:51:09.000 I think about people I don't know who hate me.
00:51:12.000 That's what I'm concerned with.
00:51:14.000 Yeah, his favorability rating is like Bush-like now.
00:51:17.000 Is it that low now?
00:51:18.000 Yeah, it's pretty low.
00:51:19.000 Yeah, let's find out.
00:51:21.000 Approval rating?
00:51:23.000 Obama's approval rating.
00:51:26.000 What was the worst?
00:51:27.000 The worst?
00:51:29.000 Yeah.
00:51:29.000 I bet the worst was probably, I'm going to guess it was something like 80 years ago, and then Bush would be like second.
00:51:38.000 That's my prediction.
00:51:39.000 First of all, how crazy is it that there's something called the approval ratings for the president?
00:51:46.000 Okay, here it is.
00:51:47.000 47% of likely U.S. voters approve of Obama's job performance.
00:51:54.000 Okay.
00:51:55.000 52% disapprove.
00:51:57.000 Okay.
00:51:58.000 That's not horrific.
00:51:59.000 It's definitely lower than it's been, right?
00:52:04.000 Well, listen to this, though.
00:52:05.000 82% of the Democrats like the job the president is doing.
00:52:11.000 85% of the Republicans and 57% of the voters not affiliated disapprove.
00:52:18.000 Okay.
00:52:19.000 Come on, man.
00:52:20.000 Can you look up...
00:52:21.000 Democrats, how silly could you be to say, I think he's doing a great job.
00:52:24.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:52:25.000 Number one is Obama.
00:52:27.000 Number two is...
00:52:28.000 No, no, no.
00:52:28.000 Number one is Bush.
00:52:29.000 Number one is Bush.
00:52:30.000 That's the lowest approval rating ever?
00:52:32.000 That's the lowest approval rating ever.
00:52:35.000 His lowest approval was 25. Bush?
00:52:38.000 Yeah.
00:52:39.000 And what's the next lowest?
00:52:42.000 Do you remember when Bush's approval ratings were fucking high?
00:52:45.000 Like right after September 11th?
00:52:47.000 Really high.
00:52:47.000 You weren't even allowed to make fun of Bush.
00:52:49.000 It was really high.
00:52:50.000 Truman.
00:52:51.000 See, I told you.
00:52:52.000 And then Nixon.
00:52:54.000 What was Truman's down to?
00:52:56.000 22. Okay, this is what his approval rate is on foreign policy.
00:53:02.000 40%.
00:53:02.000 Wow.
00:53:05.000 Wow.
00:53:05.000 That's really low, man.
00:53:09.000 I think Obama...
00:53:11.000 It's just like every other thing that happens in this world.
00:53:14.000 You probably go into it thinking that you're going to change it and you're going to fix it and you're going to be a great president.
00:53:21.000 Did you have high hopes for him?
00:53:23.000 Yeah.
00:53:23.000 Yeah.
00:53:24.000 I mean, I think he's a brilliant man.
00:53:26.000 I just don't know how much the president honestly gets to...
00:53:29.000 I don't want to even speculate on how much of an effect the president actually gets to push.
00:53:36.000 Right.
00:53:36.000 How much influence does this one human being actually have?
00:53:41.000 Do you think a lot of it behind closed doors is like, so here's what's going to happen?
00:53:46.000 There's so much money involved, man.
00:53:47.000 You're talking about people that run banks.
00:53:50.000 You're talking about people that demanded that they get bailed out by the United States taxpayer after fucking.
00:53:58.000 The United States taxpayer sideways into a point where the economy eroded radically in all businesses.
00:54:08.000 These people caused this and they still got bonuses.
00:54:12.000 These people caused this and Obama went on TV and said that we're going to limit The amount of money that they receive as a bonus to $500,000?
00:54:26.000 A paltry sum for such rich folk?
00:54:29.000 Can you imagine even saying that as a statement?
00:54:32.000 We're going to limit the bonuses of the companies where we have to pay millions of your dollars.
00:54:37.000 We're going to limit the amount they steal to $500,000.
00:54:41.000 We've put a cap on it.
00:54:43.000 No, go to bed.
00:54:45.000 I like your Obama.
00:54:46.000 That might be one of the nuttiest things that a guy has ever said on television.
00:54:50.000 We're going to limit the thieves who've ruined the economy to a half a million dollar bonus.
00:54:56.000 Like, oh...
00:54:57.000 The people that we asked to watch over, hey, you guys are the financial guys, right?
00:55:03.000 Please watch over this fucking thing with numbers because I have kids and I got a job and I don't have time to do this.
00:55:08.000 So do we have a guy?
00:55:09.000 We've got a guy?
00:55:11.000 He went to Harvard, and then have you ever watched that documentary, Inside Job?
00:55:16.000 Have you ever watched that?
00:55:16.000 Sure, yeah.
00:55:17.000 Holy shit.
00:55:18.000 And it's not about 9-11, folks.
00:55:20.000 It's about the economy crash.
00:55:22.000 It's unbelievable.
00:55:23.000 It's incredible.
00:55:24.000 And the guy who is doing it is brilliant.
00:55:26.000 And he catches these dudes and corners them and asks them questions, and you see them squirm and panic, and then you find out that a lot of these guys that were working in universities that were responsible for these studies, they would leave the universities and get these awesome jobs at the banks whose policies that they recommended promoted this sort of free-range Wild,
00:55:49.000 kamikaze, swashbuckling capitalism that cause all these fucking people to lose their homes.
00:55:54.000 These guys get jobs working for those firms after they leave.
00:55:59.000 So they're like educators, and they're like, this should be no problem.
00:56:02.000 I see this should be no problem.
00:56:04.000 And then they pass all this shit, and it's the most obvious shell game of all time.
00:56:09.000 It's so in your face.
00:56:10.000 Yeah, it really is.
00:56:11.000 It's really...
00:56:12.000 Look, it's kind of admirable.
00:56:14.000 And it's not over.
00:56:15.000 If you want to look at it from a gangster point of view, I mean, it's the most gangster shit ever.
00:56:18.000 We glorify gangster rap.
00:56:20.000 Gangster rap can't fuck with gangster banking.
00:56:22.000 No.
00:56:22.000 Gangster Wall Street is the most gangster shit of all time.
00:56:25.000 They've done some gangster shit.
00:56:26.000 Yeah.
00:56:27.000 And would it mean, is that worse than the gangster shit that's been going on right now from the beginning of the Iraq War?
00:56:35.000 That's pretty gangster, too.
00:56:36.000 Yeah.
00:56:37.000 You know, I mean, this one destroys lives and financial stakes, the other one kills lives.
00:56:42.000 It kills people.
00:56:43.000 It destroys everything.
00:56:44.000 Like, how come that is, that ganking, that gangster ganking that we saw, how come that's, like, less offensive than this financial gangster ganking?
00:56:53.000 They're both pretty gangster.
00:56:55.000 Fucks people that bad.
00:56:56.000 Yes!
00:56:57.000 Look, it's madness, man.
00:56:59.000 We are mad.
00:57:01.000 We're a mad, mad, mad race.
00:57:03.000 Yeah.
00:57:04.000 And I think we're getting less mad.
00:57:06.000 But we got to figure this out, man.
00:57:08.000 We can't just keep doing this.
00:57:09.000 We can't just keep going to war.
00:57:10.000 I've heard a lot of financial people lately say that the worst is yet to come in a coming soon kind of way.
00:57:19.000 As far as like 08 collapse, that that's just going to go way further downhill.
00:57:26.000 What I heard is that the commercial real estate crash is a really dangerous one.
00:57:31.000 Really?
00:57:31.000 I've heard that one's a real dangerous one.
00:57:33.000 That commercial, like once you have residential real estate crash, like that one, there's a commercial one that's much larger.
00:57:40.000 Apparently.
00:57:41.000 Allegedly.
00:57:42.000 I don't even understand it though.
00:57:43.000 So even me saying that is just bullshit.
00:57:45.000 I don't know what keeps it up.
00:57:47.000 I don't know how the fuck they rescued the economy.
00:57:49.000 Or did they even rescue the economy?
00:57:50.000 You know, should the banks been allowed to fail?
00:57:52.000 Who's right?
00:57:53.000 Peter Schiff?
00:57:53.000 Is Peter Schiff right?
00:57:54.000 You know, I don't know.
00:57:56.000 I don't understand it.
00:57:57.000 I don't understand any of it.
00:57:58.000 I don't know, man.
00:57:59.000 I'm definitely not the mind to put that together, but it's pretty bad, I think.
00:58:04.000 You know what I know for sure, though?
00:58:05.000 This is not the only way to do it.
00:58:07.000 Right.
00:58:07.000 This is not the only way to do it.
00:58:09.000 This whole stocks and bonds and derivatives and, like, you guys have created fucking chaos.
00:58:16.000 You have a chaotic system.
00:58:18.000 And that system is fucking awful.
00:58:20.000 It's like Windows NT from, like, 1997. Windows me.
00:58:24.000 And you go inside of it and start fucking with the registry and embed yourself.
00:58:29.000 You don't know what the fuck is in this crazy economy.
00:58:33.000 The amount of influence that affects the politicians, which affects the laws being passed, which affects the judges being elected, which affects the decisions being made that literally change the entire scope of the nation.
00:58:46.000 And it's all motivated by money.
00:58:48.000 Yeah.
00:58:48.000 Yeah, it is.
00:58:49.000 And the other thing, the big advantage that those guys have that work in that field...
00:58:54.000 Is they have a specific knowledge that basically the overwhelming majority of people can't grasp.
00:59:01.000 Like, not because we're not capable, we're just not well versed in this.
00:59:04.000 Right.
00:59:04.000 And people start talking about derivatives and short sales and all this, and most people are going, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
00:59:10.000 Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about when I said it.
00:59:12.000 But then that makes things go unregulated, unchecked.
00:59:16.000 When doctors have a conversation, or pilots, and they start getting into the specifics of their field, at a certain point, if you're not one of those people, you're like, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:59:24.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:59:24.000 And it's not for you, and you're like, okay.
00:59:26.000 Except this one really affects most of us a great deal, but we don't know what the fuck is happening.
00:59:33.000 Yeah, to me it might as well be when people start talking about golf scores.
00:59:36.000 Sure, yeah.
00:59:36.000 He was six under in the five, and like, what?
00:59:39.000 He had two birdies and an eagle, man.
00:59:40.000 What are you saying?
00:59:41.000 Yeah, of course.
00:59:41.000 And he took a mulligan.
00:59:42.000 What?
00:59:44.000 You're not a big golf guy?
00:59:45.000 No, I've never even played.
00:59:47.000 Jim Furyk shot a 59 last week.
00:59:49.000 I have no idea what that means.
00:59:50.000 See?
00:59:51.000 You just said it right there.
00:59:52.000 Pretty incredible.
00:59:53.000 Yeah, that numbers thing is a scary one to be math illiterate like I am.
01:00:00.000 I'm with you.
01:00:01.000 It's quite frightening.
01:00:01.000 I'm with you.
01:00:02.000 What do you think of 114-114?
01:00:04.000 Is that a good score?
01:00:05.000 For what?
01:00:06.000 For boxing, if you watch the Mayweather fight.
01:00:09.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:00:09.000 That woman who also scored Pacquiao losing to...
01:00:15.000 Bradley?
01:00:15.000 Yeah, Tim Bradley.
01:00:16.000 That lady's crazy.
01:00:18.000 She has a different view of boxing than most people.
01:00:21.000 I got lucky, man.
01:00:22.000 I had a show in Lauderdale, and I was doing it at the Improv, which is connected to the Hard Rock Casino.
01:00:30.000 So I knew the fight.
01:00:32.000 I was like, I'm gonna miss the fight.
01:00:33.000 Whatever.
01:00:33.000 I had two shows.
01:00:35.000 I mean, I take my time.
01:00:37.000 I finish the show.
01:00:37.000 I get paid.
01:00:38.000 I'm just like hanging out.
01:00:39.000 I walk back to my room and as I enter the casino, and this is in Hollywood, Florida.
01:00:45.000 There are a fucking extra 3,000 people in the casino.
01:00:49.000 I'm like, what is going on?
01:00:50.000 Wow.
01:00:51.000 And every monitor in the casino is showing the fight.
01:00:53.000 So I was like, oh, great.
01:00:54.000 And it was only the end of the third round, so I got to watch from basically round four on.
01:00:59.000 The whole casino showed the fight?
01:01:01.000 That's incredible.
01:01:02.000 And everybody stopped.
01:01:03.000 There were so many people stopped in between slot machines just looking up just to watch this fight.
01:01:11.000 It was incredible to see that spectacle, the people...
01:01:14.000 Watching it.
01:01:16.000 And yeah, I mean, I watched, like I said, the rest of the, after the end of round three on.
01:01:21.000 And, you know, I think even to like novice boxing people, like Floyd pretty much put on a clinic, you know?
01:01:28.000 Yeah, it was ridiculous.
01:01:29.000 I mean...
01:01:29.000 This woman scored it even.
01:01:31.000 Even is crazy.
01:01:32.000 I think even, I think somebody who didn't know...
01:01:35.000 We're good to go.
01:01:50.000 And she just likes to judge shit professionally that she has no idea about.
01:01:55.000 I mean, I never talked to...
01:01:57.000 I haven't talked to a single person that thought it even made a bit of sense.
01:02:00.000 It's not like one of those, well, you know what?
01:02:03.000 She favors defense, and the shell defense is very impressive, and he did land a couple hard counters.
01:02:08.000 Like, no, no, no, no.
01:02:10.000 There was no one saying that.
01:02:11.000 If you thought that he won that fight, or you thought it was a draw, you're a crazy person.
01:02:16.000 The fact that your track record now includes the Pacquiao Bradley...
01:02:20.000 Yeah.
01:02:21.000 And this?
01:02:21.000 Those are both on your resume?
01:02:24.000 That lady does not pay attention.
01:02:26.000 Yeah.
01:02:26.000 Either she does not pay attention or she's crazy.
01:02:28.000 Or she's getting paid.
01:02:29.000 Right.
01:02:30.000 I don't want to say that.
01:02:31.000 You did.
01:02:31.000 I'm glad Brian Redband said that and not me.
01:02:34.000 Because I sometimes, Brian, I work in the presence of the Nevada State Athletic Commission.
01:02:38.000 And I would never accuse them of such a thing.
01:02:40.000 Right.
01:02:40.000 However, if I was an investigator, I would look into it sharply.
01:02:44.000 Yeah.
01:02:45.000 Yeah.
01:02:45.000 There's just something wrong.
01:02:47.000 There's just something wrong, and if it's not corruption, which I hope it's not, it's just incompetence, and either way, it shouldn't be tolerated.
01:02:54.000 You know, no one deserves their job.
01:02:56.000 Right.
01:02:56.000 Especially when it's that kind of a job.
01:02:58.000 You don't deserve that job.
01:02:59.000 You have that job because you're supposed to be a professional at it.
01:03:01.000 You're supposed to be really good at it.
01:03:03.000 And when you're unbelievably, unbearably bad...
01:03:07.000 Is that a word?
01:03:08.000 Unbearably?
01:03:08.000 Unbearably.
01:03:09.000 Unbearably, but I went unbearably.
01:03:11.000 That's not a word.
01:03:12.000 She's so bad, it's criminal.
01:03:13.000 Yeah.
01:03:14.000 It's criminal.
01:03:14.000 It's like me teaching Spanish lessons.
01:03:17.000 Right.
01:03:17.000 I don't know how to speak Spanish.
01:03:18.000 Right.
01:03:18.000 So if I told you to speak Spanish, that shit would be criminal.
01:03:21.000 Yeah, it's not.
01:03:21.000 That bitch is criminal.
01:03:22.000 It's not.
01:03:23.000 It's not okay.
01:03:24.000 Snoop Lion, weed jackpot, wins pound of weed.
01:03:27.000 Off the Mayweather fight?
01:03:28.000 Oh, he bet a pound of weed?
01:03:30.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:03:31.000 Look at him with a pound of weed and a Captain America shirt on.
01:03:35.000 Yeah, he's a badass.
01:03:36.000 Look at this guy.
01:03:36.000 Who did he bet it with?
01:03:39.000 You know, how much is a pound of weed these days?
01:03:42.000 I don't know.
01:03:44.000 Oh, a Mexican guy named Lou.
01:03:46.000 That's hilarious.
01:03:48.000 I've never had a pound of weed in my life.
01:03:50.000 No.
01:03:51.000 It's about $4,000.
01:03:52.000 That's insane.
01:03:53.000 I've never even had more than an ounce.
01:03:55.000 Like, I don't want to carry a lot of weed around.
01:03:57.000 No.
01:03:57.000 I don't understand that.
01:03:58.000 I've seen a quarter pound QP. If I saw a bag that big, I would assume the next thing I'm going to hear is boots kicking the door.
01:04:07.000 And get all your fucking...
01:04:08.000 And I'm going to be like, okay.
01:04:10.000 I'm a comedian.
01:04:11.000 I'm not a drug dealer.
01:04:12.000 What's scary in Ohio, allegedly, my dealer growing up in college, that's how much he would have.
01:04:18.000 And so, in Ohio, that's scary, because, like, he would have, like, three pitbulls, two chows, and just, like, you'd come into this house with all these crazy dogs, and you'd just pull out this humongous bag and put it right there.
01:04:29.000 And he, like, trusted me, so he, like, showed me all the shit he had and, like, all the secrets, like, Pounds of weed that he has hidden everywhere.
01:04:37.000 It was crazy.
01:04:38.000 I had to pick her up around.
01:04:39.000 It's so scary.
01:04:40.000 It's so weird.
01:04:41.000 It's so scary.
01:04:43.000 A guy out here who dealed out here had a big SUV, like an Escalade, and he had compartments built in there.
01:04:52.000 The way it was rigged was that the radio station had to be tuned to a certain channel, and that would unlock.
01:04:58.000 Then he would be able to unlock the compartments.
01:05:00.000 Whoa.
01:05:01.000 So it had to be like on 91.7, and then he would go click, click.
01:05:05.000 That's so crazy!
01:05:07.000 That's so crazy.
01:05:08.000 That's to transport.
01:05:10.000 Do you know that a guy went to jail for a long time because he was constructing those?
01:05:15.000 Oh, really?
01:05:16.000 Yeah, he went to jail for like a real stretch, and they accused him of aiding and abetting.
01:05:22.000 Somehow or another, they set this guy up.
01:05:24.000 To build, like, hidden compartments?
01:05:26.000 Yeah.
01:05:27.000 Hidden compartments jail.
01:05:29.000 Check this out.
01:05:30.000 Did you ever...
01:05:32.000 Oh, here we go.
01:05:34.000 Here's one of my mods.
01:05:36.000 This has to do with a CD drive and a secret compartment.
01:05:40.000 One of many of my inventions.
01:05:43.000 And I know they've used CD drives before, but not in vehicles.
01:05:47.000 And as far as to my knowledge, and not like this.
01:05:50.000 And what I've done is, this is a key...
01:05:53.000 I know what you're thinking.
01:05:55.000 It's a battery.
01:05:55.000 Stick your tongue to it.
01:05:56.000 It would zap you.
01:05:57.000 Don't do that, stupid.
01:05:58.000 Anyways, and these are two taps.
01:06:00.000 It is really a 9-volt battery, and the power supply goes through this to open up my vent, which reveals my secret compartment.
01:06:09.000 I basically took the CD drive apart, used the bare basics to it.
01:06:14.000 No, this is dope.
01:06:15.000 Keep it playing.
01:06:16.000 How did he do that?
01:06:19.000 So he pushes his battery...
01:06:22.000 It's just a regular 9-volt battery holding up.
01:06:24.000 He puts it right there.
01:06:25.000 Oh, that is so dope.
01:06:28.000 Come on.
01:06:28.000 That guy's James Bond.
01:06:30.000 It's awesome.
01:06:30.000 Nice place to keep, you know, your wallet, your keys, a little extra cash.
01:06:34.000 He said, oh, you know your wallet.
01:06:36.000 I thought he said Pinot.
01:06:37.000 You keep Pinot Noir.
01:06:39.000 Keep a glass of Pinot.
01:06:39.000 Keep a glass of Pinot.
01:06:41.000 Always ready.
01:06:42.000 Glasses chilled.
01:06:43.000 You know, when bitches step into my 79 Impala.
01:06:47.000 Another glass of wine.
01:06:48.000 Click it again for the Syrah.
01:06:50.000 And then it closes.
01:06:52.000 That's wild.
01:06:54.000 Oh, so you flip it to go in and flip it to go out.
01:06:56.000 That's insane.
01:06:57.000 You changed the battery.
01:06:59.000 That is insane.
01:07:00.000 I know what you're thinking.
01:07:08.000 Inspired by Superboy.
01:07:09.000 I was thinking, damn.
01:07:11.000 Yeah, that was awesome, man.
01:07:13.000 That was awesome.
01:07:13.000 Did you ever see The French Connection?
01:07:15.000 You've seen it, right?
01:07:16.000 Yes.
01:07:17.000 Man, that was so long ago.
01:07:18.000 That was Gene Hackman, right?
01:07:18.000 Yeah, it's a fucking awesome movie, man.
01:07:20.000 I don't know.
01:07:21.000 I don't remember a thing about it.
01:07:23.000 I remember it was awesome, but I don't have to watch it again.
01:07:25.000 Go watch it again.
01:07:25.000 It's so good.
01:07:26.000 It's about Harriman smuggling, right?
01:07:27.000 Yes, and it's so good.
01:07:28.000 It's like a classic...
01:07:30.000 You know, cop, fucking, cop and bad guy movie from that era.
01:07:35.000 I think it's a late 70s movie.
01:07:37.000 It's so good.
01:07:38.000 You seen it, Brian?
01:07:39.000 You gotta see it.
01:07:40.000 Is it about something like this, like drug smuggling?
01:07:42.000 Yeah, absolutely.
01:07:43.000 It's a heroin, yeah.
01:07:45.000 This is the guy I was talking about.
01:07:46.000 His name is Alfred Anaya, and it says he was a genius at installing secret compartments in cars.
01:07:52.000 And so they were used to smuggle drugs without his knowledge.
01:07:57.000 And now he's in trouble?
01:07:58.000 If they were used to smuggle drugs without his knowledge, he figured it wasn't a problem.
01:08:01.000 He was wrong.
01:08:02.000 And it said they locked him up, man.
01:08:05.000 Wow.
01:08:05.000 He lived in the valley, and he would set up these compartments.
01:08:13.000 Like in the truck's back seat where he rigged up a set of hydraulic cylinders that linked to the vehicle's electrical system.
01:08:20.000 The only way to make the seat slide forward and reveal its secret was by pressing and holding four switches simultaneously.
01:08:26.000 Two for the power door locks and two for the windows.
01:08:30.000 So he would press all four of those at the same time and it would open up the back seat.
01:08:34.000 So awesome.
01:08:35.000 Yeah.
01:08:35.000 And he said the seal was no longer responsible to the switch combination and no amount of jiggling could make it budge.
01:08:42.000 He pleaded with the guy to take a look.
01:08:45.000 You know, this is how Bieber rolls.
01:08:47.000 He's got, like, the high-tech, the most high-tech one ever, probably.
01:08:51.000 Bieber?
01:08:51.000 Yeah.
01:08:52.000 Because they pull that motherfucker over all the time, and, like, there's...
01:08:56.000 Never has anything in his car, but yet TMZ always has pictures of him holding bongs out windows and dumping out water into the street.
01:09:03.000 So they set this guy up.
01:09:04.000 Listen to this.
01:09:05.000 The guy's name was Anaya, right?
01:09:07.000 And so there was this dude named Esteban, and he was saying that the switch to the combination doesn't work anymore, and no amount of jiggling could get it to work again.
01:09:18.000 And so this guy shows up to fix it, and he's a little suspicious.
01:09:23.000 Because there's nothing illegal about building traps, which are commonly used to hide everything from pricey jewelry to legal handguns.
01:09:31.000 But the activity runs afoul of California law if an installer knows for certain that his compartment will be used to transport drugs.
01:09:38.000 So if the guy told him that it's going to transport drugs, then he has a responsibility to either call the police or not build it or what have you.
01:09:45.000 The maximum penalty is three years in prison.
01:09:48.000 And so this guy, Anaya, the guy who got arrested, he thought it was wise to deviate from his standard no-questions-asked policy before agreeing.
01:09:54.000 So he suspected this guy.
01:09:56.000 And he said, there's nothing in there I should know about, is there?
01:10:00.000 Esteban assured him that he needn't worry.
01:10:02.000 Oh, see, this is fucked up, man.
01:10:04.000 So he's saying, don't worry about it.
01:10:05.000 Yeah.
01:10:08.000 So the guy didn't give in to saying...
01:10:13.000 Hey, I'm gonna use it for this.
01:10:14.000 And the guy goes, alright, I'll build it for you anyway.
01:10:16.000 Yeah.
01:10:17.000 Well, this is weird, man.
01:10:19.000 Why would you lock that guy up?
01:10:20.000 They fucking set this guy up.
01:10:22.000 Because this guy was making compartments for people but not asking any questions.
01:10:26.000 That's what it was.
01:10:28.000 But I don't think that's illegal.
01:10:30.000 I think you're allowed to hide shit.
01:10:32.000 What if you have money?
01:10:33.000 Do you want to leave something expensive?
01:10:36.000 What if you own a jewelry store?
01:10:38.000 Well, yeah, if you have expensive stuff on you all the time.
01:10:43.000 You should be able to hide that.
01:10:44.000 You own a business.
01:10:45.000 It's a cash business.
01:10:46.000 You want to transport.
01:10:46.000 Yeah, you can't assume that if someone can hide something in their home, that they shouldn't be able to hide something in their car.
01:10:52.000 Of course.
01:10:52.000 That's your property, too.
01:10:54.000 There's that weirdness of searching people's cars, man.
01:10:58.000 Because you don't come to a person's house and search their house.
01:11:01.000 Why are you searching their car?
01:11:02.000 Yeah.
01:11:04.000 Because you know that people transport drugs and things with their car, but at the end of the day, it's fucking private property.
01:11:10.000 It's private property, of course.
01:11:10.000 And whether there's a thousand dollars in cash in the backseat that you're going to steal from us because you think that we're buying drugs with it, that's happened before.
01:11:17.000 There was a stripper who had like a million dollars in her trunk.
01:11:21.000 This crazy bitch made a million dollars and was going to buy a business.
01:11:25.000 And she had this money, she got arrested, and the cops had to give the money back to her.
01:11:28.000 Because they suspected her of being a drug dealer.
01:11:30.000 And then she had to document all of her pay.
01:11:33.000 All her hoeing?
01:11:33.000 And show all the documents.
01:11:34.000 I'm not hoeing, man.
01:11:35.000 Just doing a little stripping.
01:11:36.000 You know, my girl like to shake that ass.
01:11:38.000 But the cops took that money.
01:11:41.000 Crazy.
01:11:41.000 As if, like, you can't have money.
01:11:43.000 If you have money, it has to come from drugs.
01:11:45.000 Yeah.
01:11:45.000 A lot of money.
01:11:46.000 Yeah, but why can't you?
01:11:48.000 Don't people have houses?
01:11:49.000 How do they buy a house?
01:11:50.000 Who's to say you can't just go to a guy with a fucking trunk full of cash and buy a house?
01:11:54.000 You can, you know, just because everybody else uses a fucking credit card.
01:11:57.000 If you decide you hate credit cards, you want to store it all in a safe in your house.
01:12:00.000 And I only know the combination.
01:12:02.000 Does the cop have to look in there to see if there's anything wrong?
01:12:05.000 And if he sees that there's money in there, hey, what are you doing with all this good stuff?
01:12:10.000 What are you doing with all this stuff that everybody earns?
01:12:12.000 Yeah, why do you have to declare...
01:12:14.000 I was thinking about the border thing.
01:12:17.000 I mean, I assume that you have to declare...
01:12:19.000 Money, so that they can investigate what's the source of that money, what do you have that money for?
01:12:26.000 There's this whole thing you have to declare if you have over 10,000, let's say going into Canada or coming back to the United States, right?
01:12:32.000 Right.
01:12:32.000 What if you have a lot of money?
01:12:33.000 Right.
01:12:34.000 Why do I have to explain to you?
01:12:36.000 I don't have this problem, but I've thought about it before.
01:12:41.000 Obviously, they're asking so that if somebody does, they don't say they have it, then they find that they have 15,000 in cash, they're going to be like, why do you have this much cash?
01:12:50.000 Well, because I do.
01:12:51.000 I wonder if you have to, like, when you report it, how does that work?
01:12:55.000 If you have to report that, yeah, like, let's say you're some crazy baller type character.
01:12:59.000 Yeah.
01:12:59.000 And, you know, you're like, who would you be?
01:13:01.000 Like, if you were going to be a baller type character, you have to be a black guy, right?
01:13:04.000 Who would you be?
01:13:05.000 Which rapper would you be that walks around with suitcases?
01:13:07.000 Let's say you're Floyd Mayweather, because he would walk around with suitcases full of cash.
01:13:10.000 Absolutely.
01:13:11.000 Why can't Floyd Mayweather, he probably, they probably wouldn't let him in Canada, but Because he's got some domestic violence charges.
01:13:17.000 That's right.
01:13:18.000 He did his 30 days or whatever.
01:13:19.000 They might not even let you in.
01:13:20.000 Because Canada's pretty strict about letting you in for shit like that.
01:13:23.000 They don't fuck around.
01:13:24.000 But if he did get through, he probably would get through with like a hundred grand in a backpack.
01:13:29.000 Yeah.
01:13:30.000 Some Gucci sack or something like that.
01:13:33.000 Absolutely.
01:13:33.000 Did you see the all access for him and Canelo?
01:13:36.000 No, I didn't.
01:13:37.000 I didn't.
01:13:37.000 Dude.
01:13:38.000 I've watched him before, but I didn't see it this time.
01:13:41.000 He sends one of his girls to go pick up some of his gambling money that he won.
01:13:46.000 She goes in this ostrich skin, I don't know who the fuck makes it, some super expensive bag, and the guy puts $480,000 in the bag.
01:13:57.000 And then she walks it out of there, gets in her car, and drives it to Money Mayweather.
01:14:01.000 Hey, Floyd.
01:14:01.000 Yeah.
01:14:02.000 He drives it to his house.
01:14:04.000 Here's what you want on Duke.
01:14:05.000 Do you know how crazy that is?
01:14:06.000 Duke, Maryland.
01:14:07.000 That's insane.
01:14:08.000 He's gambling that kind of money.
01:14:10.000 Oh, yeah.
01:14:11.000 I mean, he always talks.
01:14:12.000 He takes photos of his betting slips.
01:14:15.000 He's crazy.
01:14:15.000 I know.
01:14:16.000 He's crazy.
01:14:18.000 $480,000 he won.
01:14:21.000 And they're not even like, sometimes his bets are like these kind of side bet, like prop bets, where it's like, I'm betting on who's the first to 12 points in this basketball game.
01:14:33.000 You know what I mean?
01:14:34.000 Not even like the outcome of the game.
01:14:35.000 Like, he's betting shit like that.
01:14:37.000 Where it's a total just gambling rush kind of bad, where you're like, I'll put 25 grand that it's the 76ers.
01:14:43.000 Well, you want to know what's interesting?
01:14:45.000 They have found a direct correlation between head trauma and addiction to gambling.
01:14:52.000 Really?
01:14:53.000 Yeah, I brought it up to Dana White, because Dana White was in here, and Dana used to be a boxer, and Dana was talking about his gambling.
01:14:59.000 Like, Dana gambles like insanity.
01:15:01.000 Oh, he does?
01:15:02.000 He won 7 million one night.
01:15:03.000 What?
01:15:04.000 He lost a million.
01:15:06.000 That's the most he's ever lost is $1 million.
01:15:08.000 The most he's ever won is $7 million.
01:15:09.000 And is it gambling always on sporting events?
01:15:12.000 That's what he likes to gamble on?
01:15:13.000 I don't know.
01:15:13.000 I think he's playing cards.
01:15:15.000 He's won $7 million?
01:15:17.000 Yes.
01:15:18.000 Yes.
01:15:20.000 Yeah.
01:15:20.000 I can't even remember.
01:15:21.000 He goes off.
01:15:23.000 Is it poker?
01:15:24.000 I don't know.
01:15:25.000 I think he plays blackjack.
01:15:27.000 I don't know what the fuck he plays.
01:15:28.000 I think he plays blackjack.
01:15:29.000 I went into that high stakes room.
01:15:32.000 Once I saw a guy, and people stopped to watch him do blackjack.
01:15:37.000 He was doing $10,000 a hand.
01:15:39.000 And we were all like, oh shit, that's $10,000.
01:15:41.000 And they were like, no, bust, take $10,000.
01:15:44.000 He would put $10,000 in chips back there.
01:15:46.000 I mean, it was super entertaining to watch, but I was like, I can't imagine doing that, man.
01:15:51.000 I'm freaking out just talking about it.
01:15:53.000 10,000 a hand.
01:15:54.000 And it goes like that.
01:15:55.000 I mean, it has gone in seconds.
01:15:56.000 So Dana must do it that style, where it's like 25 grand a hand, that kind of shit.
01:16:02.000 Yeah, that's really unique with gambling.
01:16:06.000 You know, the gambling for money, like in Vegas type gambling, is that you can shift...
01:16:13.000 Within seconds.
01:16:14.000 At least if you're gambling on a game, it's a whole game.
01:16:17.000 You have one hour for this game to take place.
01:16:20.000 I kind of like gambling on games, because I don't even like sports.
01:16:23.000 But if I had some money invested, it would make it more exciting.
01:16:27.000 It absolutely does.
01:16:28.000 It has that effect.
01:16:29.000 To the umpteenth degree.
01:16:30.000 Like if I go to Vegas, say if you and I went and there was some kickboxing going on, because they're doing this new thing for Spike TV. Glory is this super high-level kickboxing league.
01:16:42.000 It's like the best kickboxers on the planet Earth.
01:16:45.000 And the fights are incredible.
01:16:47.000 Like Gokhan Saki and Daniel Gita and Tyrone Spong, these guys are fucking assassins, right?
01:16:54.000 Yeah.
01:16:54.000 I would like to go see that shit live.
01:16:56.000 And if we went to see that shit live, and we were ringside, you know we're going to bet some money, Tommy Buns.
01:17:01.000 Now, would you bet based not knowing anything about the guys?
01:17:03.000 Is that how you would?
01:17:05.000 No, I would never do that.
01:17:06.000 You would bet?
01:17:06.000 I would if I wanted for a goof.
01:17:08.000 Yeah, I mean, maybe.
01:17:09.000 No, but let's say not for, like, if we're talking about this particular, would you know about the guys?
01:17:13.000 Like, do you know those guys, who they are?
01:17:14.000 Yeah, the highest level guys I know, but there's so many more kickboxers than there are MMA guys.
01:17:19.000 There's a lot of MMA guys that I don't know.
01:17:21.000 Really?
01:17:21.000 There's a certain number where you can only keep so many in your brain.
01:17:27.000 They say close friends or people that you're in contact with on a regular basis.
01:17:31.000 You have 150 names.
01:17:34.000 That you can kind of keep going.
01:17:35.000 It's the 150 people that you have relations with.
01:17:38.000 Everything after that is just like...
01:17:40.000 But you have a lot of...
01:17:43.000 I mean, like, you in particular store a lot of data about guys fighting, who they fought, and you remember the fight, where they fought, how he won that particular fight.
01:17:54.000 Like, that's a lot of extra knowledge.
01:17:55.000 Yeah.
01:17:56.000 Right?
01:17:56.000 Sitting in there?
01:17:57.000 But that's because there's nothing else in there.
01:17:59.000 Right.
01:17:59.000 There's no other sports in there.
01:18:01.000 Oh, I see what you mean.
01:18:02.000 Yeah.
01:18:02.000 You know?
01:18:02.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:18:03.000 There's no room.
01:18:04.000 There's no room for hockey.
01:18:05.000 Yeah.
01:18:05.000 There's no room for basketball.
01:18:07.000 Yeah.
01:18:07.000 Yeah.
01:18:07.000 So all, like, when I start talking about, like, fights, like, oh, you know, he lost to Igbov Chanchin, he got KO'd in the first round, came back, fought a few times, but we never really saw him again.
01:18:16.000 Yeah.
01:18:17.000 You know, there's no basketball in there confusing me.
01:18:19.000 I see what you mean.
01:18:20.000 Because I'm kind of that, to a degree that way with college football.
01:18:23.000 Like, I have a lot of data in there.
01:18:25.000 And I remember names, and I remember games, and I remember the year.
01:18:28.000 Well, that's way more numbers.
01:18:29.000 And the crazy thing is, like, well, sometimes I'm amazed that I remember who recruited the guy and what high school he went to.
01:18:38.000 That's pretty crazy.
01:18:38.000 Well, that's Hunter S. Thompson's famous story about talking to Nixon.
01:18:43.000 Have you ever heard that?
01:18:44.000 No, I don't think so.
01:18:46.000 Oh, dude.
01:18:48.000 He spent time in a car with Nixon.
01:18:50.000 Really?
01:18:51.000 Hunter S. Thompson did?
01:18:52.000 Yeah.
01:18:52.000 Before he was president?
01:18:54.000 No, Nixon was president.
01:18:55.000 Oh, wow.
01:18:56.000 Okay.
01:18:56.000 And he rode with him in a car, and Nixon and him just talked football.
01:19:01.000 He knew that Hunter was a football fan.
01:19:03.000 He goes, I'll let you ride with me if we only talk football.
01:19:06.000 You know, because football fans love to talk football with other football fans, and Hunter was a huge football fan, so he got in the back seat with Nixon, and they talked about football.
01:19:15.000 He said he was amazed that he knew about one guy who played one year with one team, and he knew where he went to college, and he goes, he was like, I was blown away.
01:19:25.000 He's a real legit, he goes, it might be the only thing that he didn't lie about.
01:19:30.000 Didn't Hunter kill himself after football season?
01:19:32.000 Yes.
01:19:33.000 It was, right?
01:19:34.000 He waited for the Super Bowl and all that, and he kills him in February or something.
01:19:36.000 He had been apparently talking about killing himself for a long time.
01:19:39.000 Yeah.
01:19:39.000 He was in some pretty serious pain.
01:19:41.000 Yeah.
01:19:42.000 He had hip replacements, and on top of it, the boozing and the coke, he had just redlined his brain.
01:19:48.000 Yeah.
01:19:48.000 If you ever listen to Hunter later in life, pull up Hunter S. Thompson on Conan O'Brien's show.
01:19:55.000 It's really sad.
01:19:56.000 And this is coming from someone who's a huge Hunter S. Thompson fan.
01:20:00.000 In fact, my favorite all-time documentary, if I have to tell people one is a goof, I always go with Grizzly Man, because Grizzly Man was hilarious to me.
01:20:12.000 Do you mean Letterman?
01:20:14.000 What did I say, Conan?
01:20:15.000 Yeah.
01:20:15.000 No, Conan.
01:20:16.000 I don't see a Conan.
01:20:17.000 There's one, trust me.
01:20:20.000 Because he's much older when he's doing the one on Conan.
01:20:24.000 Grizzly Man, you'd find hysterical.
01:20:25.000 It's hilarious.
01:20:26.000 I love it.
01:20:26.000 I watched it again last week.
01:20:27.000 I've watched it a hundred times.
01:20:29.000 But Gonzo, the life and work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson is fucking brilliant.
01:20:33.000 Really?
01:20:34.000 It's an amazing, amazing, amazing documentary.
01:20:36.000 I should watch that.
01:20:37.000 You can't find it, dude?
01:20:39.000 There we go.
01:20:40.000 Hunter S. Thompson.
01:20:41.000 It's just a bad copy.
01:20:43.000 Listen to him talk.
01:20:46.000 You barely understand him.
01:20:53.000 You can't even hear that.
01:20:54.000 Go to the one where they're at the desk.
01:20:56.000 If you go further back, he's sitting at the desk with Conan, and they're talking, and it's like...
01:21:02.000 Jesus Christ.
01:21:03.000 You can't put together what he's saying?
01:21:04.000 You don't understand a word he's saying.
01:21:06.000 Mumble, slur, mumble, mumble, mumble.
01:21:09.000 But then if you go back to his early stuff, you go back to the documentary.
01:21:14.000 It's absolutely brilliant.
01:21:15.000 It's when he's running for sheriff of Aspen, and he's talking about the laws that are in...
01:21:32.000 Yeah.
01:21:45.000 He does a shot.
01:21:55.000 That was pretty good.
01:21:57.000 That's beautiful.
01:22:02.000 That was good!
01:22:06.000 I'm going to come live with you for a month.
01:22:08.000 We need the umbrellas, some whiskey, and we need a machine gun.
01:22:14.000 Joe, remember when we fired those?
01:22:16.000 Yeah, in Arizona.
01:22:18.000 That was awesome.
01:22:20.000 We went to the Arizona gun club.
01:22:23.000 Is that what it's called?
01:22:23.000 Phoenix Gun Club?
01:22:24.000 Yeah.
01:22:26.000 It's amazing.
01:22:27.000 Those things are insane.
01:22:29.000 Yeah, we fired some crazy-ass machine guns.
01:22:32.000 They're fun, man.
01:22:33.000 Yeah.
01:22:35.000 I need to get a place where I can shoot guns.
01:22:36.000 That's what I need next.
01:22:37.000 It's so much fun to shoot a high-powered gun.
01:22:39.000 But the problem is, whenever you get a big piece of land that you can shoot guns on, they assume you're starting a cult.
01:22:43.000 Yeah.
01:22:44.000 You know?
01:22:44.000 What do they do?
01:22:45.000 They go up there and they just shoot guns.
01:22:48.000 Yeah, but in California they do.
01:22:50.000 Then sometimes there's stuff that you need to shoot with a gun, which is another problem, you know?
01:22:53.000 I don't want to go to Ohio to think I'm gay.
01:22:56.000 Why?
01:22:56.000 Because they're number one.
01:22:57.000 Look what it produced.
01:22:58.000 They're number one now.
01:22:59.000 If all of a sudden I start moving there, you know?
01:23:02.000 It's kind of weird that you guys are both from Columbus.
01:23:04.000 Well, there's more barns and basement stuff fucking in Ohio.
01:23:07.000 Hey, easy.
01:23:08.000 Too sweet, guys.
01:23:09.000 Is it a prison type thing where there's just not as many girls?
01:23:13.000 I don't know.
01:23:14.000 Is that what goes down?
01:23:15.000 Dumb?
01:23:16.000 Creepy.
01:23:17.000 I think those guys there would find you guys irresistible in Columbus.
01:23:19.000 I think they're just smart.
01:23:20.000 They figured out how to start their own community in West Hollywood.
01:23:22.000 They figured out how to start their own community in Columbus.
01:23:25.000 You know what doesn't happen like that, though?
01:23:27.000 Lesbians.
01:23:28.000 Lesbians don't really form very many lesbian neighborhoods.
01:23:31.000 I guess not.
01:23:32.000 I don't really think of...
01:23:33.000 I don't know, right?
01:23:34.000 I don't even know of one.
01:23:35.000 Not really.
01:23:36.000 I can't think of one.
01:23:36.000 I'm sure they exist.
01:23:37.000 I'm sure they exist, yeah.
01:23:39.000 I can't think of one.
01:23:40.000 Gay people have a whole islands.
01:23:42.000 Fire Island?
01:23:43.000 Yeah.
01:23:43.000 What?
01:23:44.000 Dude, take over New York.
01:23:45.000 It's almost all gay.
01:23:47.000 Fire Island, yeah, it's gay.
01:23:48.000 It's like 98% gay.
01:23:50.000 Yeah.
01:23:50.000 And then there's a few hangers on, some old people that don't know what's up.
01:23:54.000 Oh, the lesbians have...
01:23:55.000 The neighbors are strange.
01:23:56.000 They wrestle.
01:23:57.000 Lesbians have the Dinah Shore get-together, right?
01:24:00.000 Oh, well, there's a lot of lesbian golf pros.
01:24:03.000 For sure, yeah.
01:24:04.000 Yeah.
01:24:04.000 You know what else?
01:24:05.000 Pool.
01:24:06.000 Really?
01:24:07.000 Yes.
01:24:08.000 High-level women professional pool players.
01:24:10.000 A lot of gay.
01:24:11.000 Softball.
01:24:11.000 Softball players, too.
01:24:13.000 Really?
01:24:13.000 Softball.
01:24:14.000 Oh, yeah.
01:24:14.000 Yeah, what is it about girls and sports that make them gay?
01:24:18.000 I guess there's the natural association, right?
01:24:20.000 Right now there's girls all over the country that think we're serious.
01:24:23.000 I know.
01:24:23.000 It doesn't make me gay, you fucking faggot!
01:24:26.000 Asshole!
01:24:27.000 I mean, you look like a guy and you play like a guy.
01:24:30.000 That's not what we're saying, folks.
01:24:31.000 You can, without a doubt, absolutely be a beautiful woman and be in sports.
01:24:36.000 Sure.
01:24:37.000 And doing sports and competing in sports.
01:24:39.000 Don't get me wrong.
01:24:40.000 I saw Gabby Reese at the airport.
01:24:41.000 Whoa!
01:24:42.000 That's a lot of women.
01:24:43.000 Whoa.
01:24:43.000 I did a celebrity volleyball game with her and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
01:24:49.000 Are you serious?
01:24:50.000 That's his favorite!
01:24:51.000 That's his favorite.
01:24:53.000 Way back in the Diz-A. Yeah.
01:24:54.000 It was many, many, many moons ago.
01:24:57.000 And she was a big, beautiful woman.
01:24:59.000 Yeah.
01:25:00.000 Making fucking warrior babies with that.
01:25:02.000 Absolutely.
01:25:02.000 Her husband's a big, beautiful man.
01:25:04.000 He layered.
01:25:05.000 A professional surfer.
01:25:05.000 Yeah.
01:25:06.000 Oh, he looks like right out of a fucking 1950s movie about the beach of California.
01:25:11.000 His hair's like...
01:25:11.000 He's amazing.
01:25:12.000 Dipping down.
01:25:13.000 Fucking yoked.
01:25:14.000 Big, yoked, beautiful man.
01:25:15.000 Yeah.
01:25:16.000 The two of them have pretty sex.
01:25:18.000 That's some good fucking sex.
01:25:18.000 Oh, I'm sure.
01:25:19.000 They should study it.
01:25:20.000 Yeah.
01:25:20.000 They should study it in like, you know, one day when they invent artificial people.
01:25:25.000 Mm-hmm.
01:25:25.000 You know, what do you want to be?
01:25:26.000 You want to be some artificial, frail, little fucking insect-like person?
01:25:29.000 I want to be Laird and Gabriela.
01:25:31.000 Oh, yeah.
01:25:32.000 Fucking ugh.
01:25:34.000 Well put together.
01:25:34.000 Imagine how she gives birth.
01:25:35.000 She probably just reaches in and grabs a kid.
01:25:37.000 Yeah.
01:25:38.000 You know how strong that bitch is?
01:25:40.000 Oh my god, yeah.
01:25:41.000 She doesn't have to scream.
01:25:42.000 And they're both in their 40s, and they look amazing.
01:25:47.000 They were together.
01:25:48.000 They had the whole family together, so I was like, his family looks amazing.
01:25:51.000 It was straight out of a magazine.
01:25:52.000 Someone's in love.
01:25:57.000 Did you hear that you got herpes-infected monkeys in Florida?
01:26:00.000 I believe it.
01:26:01.000 I was there this weekend.
01:26:02.000 Yo, dude, Florida does not play games.
01:26:04.000 Tommy Bunz, by the way, developed in Florida.
01:26:07.000 That's true.
01:26:07.000 It's one of the few things good besides herpes-infected monkeys that have come straight from Florida.
01:26:14.000 Tommy Bunz.
01:26:14.000 That's right.
01:26:15.000 High school.
01:26:16.000 Vero Beach, Florida.
01:26:17.000 What up?
01:26:18.000 They said that there's a fucking slew of herpes-infected wild monkeys.
01:26:23.000 There's as many as a thousand of them.
01:26:25.000 Many as a thousand of them.
01:26:26.000 There's going to be spreading a lot.
01:26:28.000 There's a lot of fucking going on in the monkey world.
01:26:30.000 Yeah.
01:26:31.000 Monkeys don't ask each other, do you have anything I should know about before they fuck.
01:26:36.000 That's 100% of herpes.
01:26:38.000 They fuck everybody.
01:26:39.000 Yeah, of course.
01:26:40.000 Every monkey fucks every monkey.
01:26:42.000 The only thing that they don't do is, well, chimps at least, is mother and son don't have sex.
01:26:47.000 That's a common primate restriction.
01:26:49.000 The mother won't have sex with the son.
01:26:51.000 But the dad?
01:26:52.000 Everybody else, the dad fucks the son.
01:26:54.000 Really?
01:26:55.000 Everybody fucks everybody.
01:26:56.000 The dad fucks the daughters, they fuck cousins, they fuck sisters.
01:26:59.000 Everybody fucks everybody except the mom won't fuck the son.
01:27:02.000 Very interesting.
01:27:03.000 Thanks, mom.
01:27:05.000 Yeah.
01:27:06.000 This is, well, I mean, this is really funny how many endangered...
01:27:10.000 How many dangerous invasive species there are in Florida.
01:27:14.000 Let me stop and think about it.
01:27:15.000 They started to find Nile crocodiles.
01:27:17.000 They found pythons that are so big they eat alligators.
01:27:21.000 Jesus.
01:27:21.000 Yeah.
01:27:22.000 And now they're finding these fucking crazy herpes-infected monkeys.
01:27:27.000 There's a thousand feral rhesus monkeys living in Florida right now.
01:27:31.000 And among those scooped up by wildlife officials over the years, most were found to be carriers of herpes B. This week, the colony was declared a public health hazard.
01:27:42.000 It's believed that a small handful of the wild animals originally landed in the state in the 1930s, courtesy of Colonel Tooney, a tour operator who wanted to give the visitors a Tarzan-inspired experience of Florida's Silver River State Park.
01:27:57.000 Tooney reportedly kept the monkeys sequestered on an island, but they learned to swim to shore.
01:28:04.000 Wow.
01:28:15.000 They got herpes.
01:28:17.000 Are they not even contained?
01:28:19.000 Like they're just out roaming around?
01:28:21.000 Or they're contained?
01:28:23.000 No, they're roaming.
01:28:25.000 There's a thousand of them roaming.
01:28:27.000 Jesus.
01:28:27.000 It says herpes doesn't cause serious symptoms in these particular animals.
01:28:31.000 In fact, it's fairly common amongst them.
01:28:33.000 But in humans, it can lead to neurological impairment or physical Fatal encephalomyelitis?
01:28:44.000 Encephalomyelitis?
01:28:45.000 Why do they do that?
01:28:46.000 Why do they insist on making words so fucking difficult?
01:28:48.000 That shit's ridiculous.
01:28:49.000 For these moments.
01:28:54.000 Encephalomyelitis?
01:28:56.000 I guess it's litus.
01:28:58.000 No, it would be I because there's no E after T before an I. Or is there?
01:29:03.000 An inflammation of the brain and spinal cord leading to death.
01:29:07.000 Florida's rhesus monkeys are known to act aggressively towards people.
01:29:11.000 They're racist monkeys?
01:29:11.000 They're biting people.
01:29:12.000 Yeah, they're probably racist.
01:29:14.000 They probably hate white people.
01:29:15.000 So they bite people, and then you get...
01:29:16.000 You get a murderous form of herpes that barely affects them.
01:29:21.000 Barely affects them, but will kill you.
01:29:23.000 This is great.
01:29:23.000 So they're essentially toxic.
01:29:25.000 I mean, there's very little difference between that, having that, and being toxic.
01:29:29.000 Yeah.
01:29:30.000 I mean, you're talking about something that you can give a person that will fuck them up.
01:29:34.000 How's that different than a poison?
01:29:35.000 Just because it's a bacteria?
01:29:37.000 Great winners in Florida.
01:29:38.000 That's all I got to say.
01:29:40.000 Yeah.
01:29:40.000 There's a Cuban tree frog problem in Florida, too.
01:29:45.000 They're really noisy.
01:29:48.000 So these animals, they move into these areas, and people have a real hard time sleeping.
01:29:56.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:29:57.000 Because they're really, really fucking loud.
01:30:00.000 And they're trying to find out...
01:30:03.000 Some of the research they've been doing recently on human beings and happiness and harmony and peace, one of the things they're showing is that we need quiet.
01:30:11.000 People need quiet.
01:30:12.000 It's not just, I would like to get some quiet.
01:30:14.000 Now, you actually do need certain amounts of quiet.
01:30:17.000 You need sleep, and during that sleep, you need to be able to rest.
01:30:21.000 And if you're fucking constantly inundated with sounds, you might not ever totally rest.
01:30:26.000 You might drift in and out, and it could fucking redline your mind.
01:30:31.000 It could really fuck you up.
01:30:32.000 So these frogs, they move in.
01:30:35.000 They're called Cuban tree frogs.
01:30:37.000 They're in Central and South Florida.
01:30:41.000 And they double the rate of their calls.
01:30:47.000 Native green tree frogs, hmm.
01:30:50.000 Oh, in the presence...
01:30:52.000 Oh, this is so crazy.
01:30:53.000 They're so loud that in the presence of them, the native frogs have doubled their rate of calls as well.
01:31:00.000 Oh, my God.
01:31:00.000 So it's just insanity.
01:31:02.000 They're super loud and crazy, and then the other frogs have doubled their rate of calls because they have to try to keep up with these crazy new...
01:31:10.000 They're basically Joey Diaz as a frog.
01:31:11.000 It's a big, loud, crazy Cuban frog.
01:31:14.000 Yeah.
01:31:16.000 That's insane.
01:31:17.000 Yeah, that's nuts.
01:31:18.000 They have unforeseen ecological effects.
01:31:20.000 Tennessean says that by doubling its call rate, the green frog makes its presence more obvious, which is likely to make it more vulnerable to predation.
01:31:30.000 Wow, so they're going to kill off the other frogs by making them stupid.
01:31:34.000 So they actually got competitive about the frog calls.
01:31:39.000 They were like...
01:31:40.000 Yeah.
01:31:40.000 Well, it makes sense.
01:31:41.000 Yeah, of course.
01:31:42.000 It must be sexual, right?
01:31:43.000 When they make calls?
01:31:44.000 What else are they doing?
01:31:45.000 Yeah.
01:31:45.000 Sexual or it's like territorial, you know, about like threatening my territory.
01:31:50.000 Right.
01:31:50.000 And what's the territory about?
01:31:51.000 I don't know.
01:31:52.000 It's about sex.
01:31:53.000 I guess so, yeah.
01:31:53.000 Yeah.
01:31:54.000 They're just trying to get their frog freak on.
01:31:56.000 Frog freaks.
01:31:57.000 They found the largest wild Burmese python in Florida recently.
01:32:03.000 Captured and euthanized.
01:32:04.000 This is the largest one they've ever caught in Florida.
01:32:07.000 17 feet long.
01:32:09.000 Do you think a lot of the stuff going there, I mean, part of it is like that it's made up, the place is a swamp, like the state's a swamp, but then it's also proximity to like where a lot of people end up going, like people from the islands,
01:32:25.000 right?
01:32:25.000 Coming up with shit.
01:32:27.000 It's the perfect storm.
01:32:28.000 Florida's the perfect storm.
01:32:29.000 First of all, you've got the highest level of OxyContin addiction and prescription on the planet Earth.
01:32:37.000 That's Florida.
01:32:38.000 Florida has ten times more OxyContin prescriptions than the rest of the country combined.
01:32:44.000 Really?
01:32:45.000 Yes.
01:32:47.000 That's a lot.
01:32:49.000 So then, okay, so you got that, right?
01:32:51.000 You got this crazy number of people who are on OxyContin.
01:32:55.000 Yeah.
01:32:55.000 Then, you've got Cuban immigrants, including a slew that Castro released.
01:33:00.000 Castro sent out because they were prisoners.
01:33:02.000 That's what Scarface is based on.
01:33:04.000 Yeah.
01:33:04.000 Then, you've got the cocaine industry in Miami.
01:33:06.000 And mental patients, too.
01:33:07.000 Oh, yeah.
01:33:08.000 And Marina.
01:33:09.000 Dan Marino's from Florida?
01:33:10.000 No, he's from PA. He played for the Miami Dolphins?
01:33:14.000 Yeah.
01:33:14.000 So you've got that, okay?
01:33:16.000 Yeah.
01:33:17.000 Then you've got the amount of banks that were set up with cocaine money.
01:33:20.000 Whoa, Jesus.
01:33:21.000 That's when you start getting really crazy.
01:33:23.000 Yes.
01:33:23.000 Because you find the numbers and you go, oh my god, this is insane.
01:33:25.000 Why are there so many banks?
01:33:26.000 There's more banks per capita in Miami than anywhere else in the country.
01:33:30.000 Then you got no state income tax.
01:33:31.000 What type?
01:33:32.000 Who does that attract?
01:33:33.000 No income tax.
01:33:34.000 And it's like this reputation of being a place where Eastern gangsters went south.
01:33:39.000 I mean, it's always been there.
01:33:41.000 They'd go south and dump bodies.
01:33:43.000 They'd go south and hide out.
01:33:44.000 I mean, they would get in a Cadillac and they would drive from New York to Florida.
01:33:48.000 I'm going to give my mother a nice house in Florida.
01:33:50.000 And then they would also, the big thing before Florida was, they would take boats or jets or whatever to Cuba.
01:33:57.000 Before Cuba fell, like in the 1950s, Kennedy would go to Cuba.
01:34:01.000 Yeah, that was the spot.
01:34:02.000 They would go to Cuba.
01:34:03.000 People would go to Cuba.
01:34:04.000 Cuba was the shit.
01:34:05.000 They would go and dance and drink, and it was supposed to be fucking incredible.
01:34:10.000 And then when the shit hit the fan and everybody had to flee...
01:34:14.000 Let's just stay around Miami.
01:34:15.000 Fuck it.
01:34:16.000 We don't need to go here.
01:34:17.000 And Miami is basically...
01:34:18.000 There's nothing about it that looks like any American city at all.
01:34:22.000 It's Cuba!
01:34:23.000 Yeah, totally.
01:34:24.000 I mean, it's great.
01:34:26.000 Miami's a great city.
01:34:27.000 It's a fun, fun city.
01:34:29.000 But it's very international.
01:34:31.000 Oh, yeah.
01:34:32.000 It's very international.
01:34:33.000 You are an asshole sometimes when you walk into a store there and speak English to somebody.
01:34:37.000 They literally are like, what the fuck are you doing?
01:34:40.000 Yeah, so there's that, you know, and then it's attached to the southerly parts of, what, Georgia?
01:34:49.000 And what else is it attached to?
01:34:51.000 You drive to...
01:34:52.000 South Carolina, Alabama.
01:34:54.000 No, Alabama.
01:34:54.000 Yeah, there you go.
01:34:58.000 You go Bama, Mississippi, Arkansas.
01:35:00.000 And it's interesting because the other thing that's interesting is that the further south you go, the more international, cosmopolitan.
01:35:10.000 When you're in, like, northern Florida, northern Florida, you might as well be in Alabama.
01:35:15.000 Oh, definitely.
01:35:15.000 You really might as well be.
01:35:17.000 And you don't have to go that far north.
01:35:17.000 No.
01:35:18.000 Or that far central.
01:35:19.000 No, you do not.
01:35:20.000 Northern Florida is a different- That shit is country as shit, man.
01:35:24.000 It's a different island.
01:35:25.000 Tallahassee, that shit is country.
01:35:27.000 I remember when I was in high school and we would go to this place called Bell Glade.
01:35:32.000 Bell Glade is basically inland from Palm Beach.
01:35:37.000 So Palm Beach is Billionaire's Row.
01:35:41.000 Right.
01:35:42.000 West Palm Beach has nothing to do with that.
01:35:45.000 It's just, you know, like, poor and, you know, it has, I mean, obviously it has some nice areas, but then you have, like, rednecks.
01:35:52.000 And then you go further in, that Lake Okeechobee, Belle Glade is sugarcane.
01:35:57.000 And you can smell your salt, you can smell Belle Glade Way before you get there.
01:36:02.000 Like the draft, like burning sugar cane.
01:36:05.000 And it doesn't smell sweet.
01:36:07.000 You know, it doesn't smell good.
01:36:09.000 And you get out there and you're like, this is like an entirely different world.
01:36:13.000 Like it had nothing to do with anything.
01:36:16.000 It was so rural.
01:36:17.000 And, you know, it was all about the soil there, Muck City, and the place had...
01:36:25.000 You would think you were in Alabama or in some rural part of Georgia, and that was just, like I said, a couple hours in from West Palm Beach.
01:36:36.000 That cartoon of Bugs Bunny sawing off Florida, what year was that from?
01:36:41.000 It looks like about 60s.
01:36:44.000 Do you think that that was really what he did or did someone create that for a joke in the new day and age?
01:36:50.000 Oh, no, no, no.
01:36:51.000 That's from a cartoon.
01:36:51.000 So he really did Saw Away Florida?
01:36:53.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:36:54.000 So was Florida where Elmer Fudd lived?
01:36:57.000 I can't remember that episode.
01:36:59.000 Why is he so hating on Florida?
01:37:00.000 Was Florida shitty back then too?
01:37:01.000 I don't know.
01:37:03.000 Where did Lucy and Ricky live?
01:37:05.000 Did they live in Florida?
01:37:08.000 Because he was Cuban, right?
01:37:09.000 He was Cuban.
01:37:10.000 Was that Miami?
01:37:11.000 That's a good question.
01:37:12.000 I don't know.
01:37:13.000 I love Lucy.
01:37:13.000 Here we go.
01:37:14.000 I love Lucy.
01:37:15.000 Isn't it funny that, like, no one had any problem with that as, like, an interracial relationship or, you know, intercultural relationship?
01:37:26.000 Like, back then, like, being a Cuban man was, like, very sophisticated.
01:37:30.000 It wasn't like if you tried to do a Mexican and her, like, people would have a problem with that.
01:37:36.000 It was, you know, it was okay to have it that way.
01:37:39.000 It wasn't even considered, I mean, not that they're different races, But Hispanic, a lot of people actually almost...
01:37:45.000 Racists do look at Hispanic.
01:37:47.000 Sure.
01:37:48.000 And Hispanic people as being different than white people.
01:37:50.000 Oh yeah, of course.
01:37:51.000 Of course.
01:37:51.000 But that back then...
01:37:52.000 Did you know that...
01:37:56.000 Big Bunny, Bugs Bunny...
01:38:00.000 Why did they do that?
01:38:01.000 Why is Bugs mad at Florida?
01:38:03.000 That's what I need to know now.
01:38:04.000 Do you know that Desi, he had such a massive ego that...
01:38:08.000 Desi Arnaz did?
01:38:09.000 Yeah.
01:38:10.000 He had a real problem with the name of the show being I Love Lucy.
01:38:15.000 So they...
01:38:17.000 He was like, the show should be like...
01:38:20.000 I love Desi.
01:38:21.000 Right.
01:38:21.000 But they told him, yeah, but who's saying I love Lucy?
01:38:25.000 Oh, he's an idiot.
01:38:27.000 Yeah, and he was like, oh, yeah.
01:38:28.000 And they convinced him that the show, basically, it's you saying it.
01:38:32.000 So the show's really about, you know...
01:38:34.000 How do we know that that's true, though?
01:38:35.000 It's a...
01:38:36.000 Yeah, but the producer could be a lying dickwad.
01:38:38.000 Yeah, he could be saying that.
01:38:40.000 They'll tell stories about you someday, Tommy Buns.
01:38:42.000 And you'll be like, the fuck I said that?
01:38:44.000 I didn't fucking say that shit.
01:38:46.000 The fuck I said that?
01:38:47.000 Meanwhile...
01:38:49.000 Okay.
01:38:49.000 That was a big fucking popular show, man.
01:38:52.000 Oh, yeah.
01:38:53.000 I think the most watched episode of television ever...
01:38:57.000 Is I Love Lucy when she gave birth.
01:39:00.000 Everybody tuned in to see if it was a boy or a girl.
01:39:03.000 Like, it's crazy numbers.
01:39:05.000 Insanity.
01:39:06.000 Like, basically most of our country watched that when that aired.
01:39:09.000 It was from six years, from 1951 to 1957. And then after the series ended, a modified version continued for three more seasons with 13 one-hour specials.
01:39:21.000 Running from 1957 to 1960. Known as the Lucille Ball Desi Arnaz Show.
01:39:28.000 There you go.
01:39:29.000 And then reruns as the Lucy Desi Comedy Hour.
01:39:33.000 My name's in that show, bitch.
01:39:34.000 Yeah, he got a little upset.
01:39:36.000 This is bullshit, I'm not coming back.
01:39:38.000 Yeah, I guess.
01:39:40.000 It was actually 1949, that Bugs Bunny cartoon.
01:39:43.000 But I think he just...
01:39:44.000 I don't know, man.
01:39:46.000 He's given credit basically for syndication.
01:39:49.000 Really?
01:39:50.000 Desi Arnaz?
01:39:51.000 Uh-huh.
01:39:51.000 He figured it out?
01:39:52.000 Well, he's the one...
01:39:53.000 Television used to just air live.
01:39:55.000 Like, you just...
01:39:56.000 Whoa.
01:39:57.000 And they would just shoot it.
01:39:58.000 And then he asked for, like, the Prince one time.
01:40:00.000 And they were like, yeah, you can have the fucking Prince.
01:40:02.000 What are we going to do with that shit?
01:40:05.000 You fucking idiot.
01:40:06.000 You dumb Cuban piece of shit.
01:40:08.000 That's hilarious.
01:40:10.000 And then...
01:40:10.000 Whoopsies.
01:40:11.000 A little while later, he was like, you know, we could re-air this.
01:40:13.000 And they were like...
01:40:14.000 Oh yeah, we could re-air that.
01:40:16.000 That's actually quite funny.
01:40:19.000 Originally set in an apartment building in New York City, I Love Lucy centers on Lucy Ricardo, Lucille Ball, and her singer-bandleader husband, Ricky Ricardo.
01:40:30.000 Along with their best friends and landlords, Fred Mertz, their landlord, and Ethel Mertz.
01:40:38.000 Wow.
01:40:38.000 Yeah, that show was...
01:40:39.000 Those shows, man, like The Honeymooners, that's a window into another time, man.
01:40:44.000 Yeah, sure.
01:40:45.000 Watching Lucille Ball, watching The Honeymooners.
01:40:48.000 The Honeymooners, every week, Ralph Cramden would threaten to beat the fuck out of his wife.
01:40:53.000 Yeah.
01:40:54.000 That's true.
01:40:55.000 Not just occasionally.
01:40:56.000 Every fucking week, he would be like, POW! Right to the moon!
01:41:01.000 Yeah.
01:41:01.000 He would talk about punching her in the face and knocking her to the moon.
01:41:07.000 She deserved it.
01:41:08.000 But just stop and think about culturally how crazy people were.
01:41:12.000 It's not that long ago.
01:41:13.000 We need to understand what a giant change has happened in our culture.
01:41:19.000 And I think one of the best ways to really document it is to watch old shows.
01:41:24.000 Watch what they accepted back then and watch what they accept today.
01:41:29.000 There's a newspaper article I just saw from...
01:41:34.000 Somebody posted it, I think, on Twitter.
01:41:37.000 And it was...
01:41:39.000 It was...
01:41:41.000 They asked...
01:41:41.000 They polled...
01:41:42.000 It was an old newspaper article.
01:41:44.000 They polled guys whether it's okay to spank a woman.
01:41:48.000 And the answers...
01:41:51.000 They pulled like five or six guys.
01:41:53.000 It was an old article.
01:41:54.000 And they were all like, absolutely, she needs it.
01:41:57.000 If she's out of line and she doesn't know what she's doing, you're just trying to help her.
01:42:00.000 And this was a newspaper thing where they were like, see guys?
01:42:03.000 It was to make you feel okay about spanking your leg.
01:42:06.000 Yeah, I tweeted that.
01:42:07.000 Oh, you tweeted that?
01:42:07.000 Yeah.
01:42:08.000 Okay, I don't know.
01:42:08.000 I just saw an article.
01:42:09.000 Yeah.
01:42:09.000 Well, I might have retweeted it, but either way, I definitely tweeted it.
01:42:12.000 I thought that was just...
01:42:13.000 It was hilarious.
01:42:14.000 Hysterical.
01:42:14.000 Yeah.
01:42:15.000 If a woman needs it, should she be spanked?
01:42:17.000 The best part about it was...
01:42:19.000 Let's read it.
01:42:20.000 Let's read it.
01:42:20.000 Yeah, it's so fucking funny.
01:42:22.000 Why not?
01:42:24.000 Jesus Christ.
01:42:25.000 If they don't know how to behave by the time they're adults, they should be treated like children and spanked.
01:42:31.000 That ought to make them grow up in a hurry.
01:42:33.000 If it doesn't at first, they'll soon get the idea.
01:42:37.000 This is incredible.
01:42:39.000 Get the idea, hey?
01:42:40.000 Yes.
01:42:41.000 When they deserve it, as a barber, I've got a lot of faith in the hairbrush.
01:42:45.000 Oh my God.
01:42:47.000 I think there are certain cases, when it is advisable...
01:42:51.000 When it is, there's no reason why you shouldn't go right ahead and do it.
01:42:56.000 I can't knock the idea.
01:42:57.000 In my business, a man sets a lot of store by the results he can get with a hairbrush properly applied.
01:43:08.000 Nice little smack.
01:43:09.000 Now, here's the counterpoint.
01:43:10.000 What does that mean, though?
01:43:10.000 Sets a lot of store?
01:43:12.000 Maybe that's a business term back then.
01:43:14.000 Man sets a lot of store.
01:43:16.000 Are you ready for the counterpoint?
01:43:17.000 Yes.
01:43:17.000 There's none.
01:43:18.000 Everybody agrees.
01:43:19.000 That's incredible!
01:43:20.000 That's the best part, is everybody takes the point of view.
01:43:23.000 Look at this guy, parking lot attendant from Brooklyn.
01:43:25.000 You bet.
01:43:26.000 Teddy Gallel.
01:43:27.000 You bet.
01:43:27.000 You bet.
01:43:28.000 It teaches him who's boss.
01:43:30.000 A lot of women tend to forget this is a man's world, and a lot of men who step down as boss of a family wish they hadn't.
01:43:37.000 Spanking might help get back some of the respect they lost.
01:43:40.000 Look at Teddy.
01:43:41.000 Look at Teddy.
01:43:42.000 That's Joey Diaz's cousin.
01:43:43.000 What the fuck, cocksucker?
01:43:45.000 Listen, cocksucker, spank him if they want it.
01:43:47.000 William Davis.
01:43:49.000 What does William say?
01:43:49.000 He's a toy factory owner.
01:43:51.000 Yes.
01:43:51.000 Most of them have it coming to them anyway.
01:43:54.000 If they don't, it will remind them of how well off they are.
01:43:58.000 I subscribe to the theory that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
01:44:03.000 Holy shit.
01:44:04.000 Look at him.
01:44:05.000 Look at that evil looking fuck.
01:44:08.000 He looks like Rutger Hauer's brother.
01:44:10.000 Wow.
01:44:10.000 Does he look like Rutger Hauer and Robert De Niro fucked?
01:44:14.000 He looks evil, man.
01:44:15.000 Actually, he looks like that one Holtzman.
01:44:17.000 Oh yeah, he does look like Holtzman.
01:44:20.000 Imagine that guy spanking your wife.
01:44:21.000 Let's hear what the other people say.
01:44:22.000 That's it.
01:44:23.000 That's awful.
01:44:23.000 That was the last one?
01:44:25.000 That's awful.
01:44:28.000 Well, that's sort of like what Dawkins is kind of alluding to.
01:44:33.000 Totally.
01:44:34.000 That you're dealing with a totally different time.
01:44:36.000 Absolutely.
01:44:36.000 And he probably didn't really get over it.
01:44:38.000 He's probably saying that to appear, look, it's no big deal, I got over it.
01:44:43.000 But the reality is that guy probably needs mushrooms and a hug.
01:44:46.000 Yeah.
01:44:46.000 That guy still, he's like avoided psychedelics.
01:44:49.000 You know where that came into play big time?
01:44:51.000 With that specific world at an issue was the Joe Paterno thing.
01:45:00.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:45:01.000 Because Sandusky, nobody's arguing that it was a different era.
01:45:04.000 He's a rapist and a pedophile.
01:45:06.000 Right.
01:45:06.000 But people were saying that the way...
01:45:09.000 That Paterno handled it was just an old-school guy way of doing it.
01:45:14.000 Because he was 80-something years old, his whole thing was like, you know, I didn't know, and my way of doing things for a guy from his era was like, well, just, you don't come around here anymore.
01:45:29.000 You know what I mean?
01:45:30.000 It was his way of policing that type of behavior was...
01:45:36.000 And that probably was what people would do to somebody.
01:45:39.000 Like, you hear what Jerry did?
01:45:42.000 Yeah, Jerry's not welcome here anymore.
01:45:43.000 You know?
01:45:44.000 That kind of thing.
01:45:45.000 Yeah.
01:45:45.000 That's considered the discipline for that guy.
01:45:48.000 Right.
01:45:48.000 Not, let's call authorities and it was like, you know, he's out of here.
01:45:54.000 Yeah, Jerry, you can't fuck my kids.
01:45:56.000 Yeah.
01:45:56.000 You gotta go away.
01:45:57.000 Stop.
01:45:57.000 That's wrong.
01:45:58.000 Yeah.
01:45:59.000 You can't come to the cookouts anymore, Jerry.
01:46:02.000 Jerry's twisted fuck.
01:46:04.000 Yeah.
01:46:04.000 Yeah, one of the things that Dawkins...
01:46:07.000 Look at this guy spanking this chick.
01:46:09.000 Yeah, you know.
01:46:10.000 Acting up.
01:46:10.000 Hey, can we join in?
01:46:12.000 Wow, he's really beating on her, man.
01:46:14.000 Are they going to separate it?
01:46:17.000 What the devil do you think you're doing?
01:46:20.000 He's drunk.
01:46:21.000 He's trying to grab the glass and smell it.
01:46:24.000 Wow, he's drunk.
01:46:26.000 Wow, the grandmother thinks that's funny.
01:46:30.000 That's the mother?
01:46:37.000 The grandmother's laughing.
01:46:39.000 Oh my god.
01:46:39.000 You monster, I could strangle you!
01:46:42.000 Don't you touch me!
01:46:43.000 The nerve of you coming into my house and trying to tell me what to do and hitting me!
01:46:48.000 Well, you think you're important, don't you?
01:46:50.000 Well, you're not.
01:46:51.000 You're a clerk.
01:46:52.000 A miserable little clerk.
01:46:53.000 Ooh.
01:46:55.000 Wow.
01:46:56.000 That's a low blow.
01:46:56.000 She did need to go there.
01:46:57.000 Well, maybe she did.
01:46:58.000 Maybe she needed to get spanked, too.
01:47:00.000 Talking shit about the guy being a clerk.
01:47:02.000 Absolutely.
01:47:03.000 How rude.
01:47:04.000 She forgot how good she has it, Joe.
01:47:07.000 She's got a good life.
01:47:08.000 That's so weird when you look at stuff like that from another time and you go, that's not that far ago.
01:47:13.000 No.
01:47:13.000 In terms of the amount of time that human beings have been alive, it's not that far.
01:47:17.000 In terms of the life of the planet, obviously you get back further and further and wider and wider.
01:47:22.000 It looks tinier and tinier.
01:47:23.000 But it's really strange.
01:47:25.000 Was that a guy getting spanked?
01:47:26.000 That's a girl?
01:47:26.000 Yeah.
01:47:27.000 Wow, wrestling, they spank now?
01:47:29.000 I think so.
01:47:30.000 She has a very firm booty, too.
01:47:32.000 I bet that was fun spanking.
01:47:33.000 This guy's like, I got you, baby.
01:47:35.000 I can't believe you spanked my wife.
01:47:37.000 He's going to go back there, and while he's banging her, she's going to close his eyes and think about that guy spanking her.
01:47:42.000 Wrestling is so silly.
01:47:44.000 That's such a silly rule.
01:47:45.000 What are you talking about?
01:47:46.000 It's amazing.
01:47:47.000 It's the best thing we have.
01:47:49.000 It's so absurd.
01:47:51.000 You mean pro wrestling, you don't mean real wrestling.
01:47:53.000 Isn't it weird that real wrestling is like one of the greatest fucking sports, most difficult sports the world's ever known?
01:47:59.000 And super effective in combat.
01:48:01.000 But they had fake wrestling.
01:48:02.000 So popular.
01:48:03.000 It is the affront to American civilization.
01:48:08.000 It is the thing where if the aliens come down and they turn on the TV, if that's the first thing they watch, you've got a real problem on your hands.
01:48:15.000 And I get that, like, someone told me, you know, it's a soap opera for, like, basically for dudes.
01:48:19.000 Yeah.
01:48:20.000 And I'm like...
01:48:20.000 No, it's not.
01:48:21.000 I watch, I'm like, I... I understand it way more for, like, a kid.
01:48:27.000 You know, the characters and all that stuff.
01:48:29.000 Oh, yeah.
01:48:30.000 When I have adult friends...
01:48:33.000 I have a lot of adult friends that all still watch it and love it, like Sam from Opie and Anthony, fucking in love with it, and Tony Hinchcliffe.
01:48:40.000 Hinchcliffe loves wrestling?
01:48:41.000 He's one of the biggest wrestler guys ever.
01:48:43.000 That is hilarious.
01:48:45.000 I know a comic in Chicago, Marty DeRosa, fucking talking about this shit.
01:48:51.000 Did you see that shit?
01:48:52.000 What are you talking about, man?
01:48:55.000 How could you even get into it?
01:48:56.000 I don't know.
01:48:57.000 I don't know.
01:49:00.000 I realized that everybody has their...
01:49:02.000 Maybe it's a nostalgia thing.
01:49:04.000 Maybe it's because they liked it back then.
01:49:06.000 Maybe they don't smoke weed.
01:49:08.000 That could be a problem.
01:49:10.000 All the classics.
01:49:11.000 I grew up with Hulk Hogan and all of them are dead or retired.
01:49:16.000 These new guys, it's like, I don't...
01:49:17.000 I get the excitement for an 11-year-old.
01:49:22.000 But now, when you have real sports, and I love when the guys get real defensive, like the guys that are in it, because they're always doing their act, no matter what, they're always doing it.
01:49:32.000 You think this shit's real?
01:49:33.000 Step in the ring, motherfucker.
01:49:34.000 Okay.
01:49:35.000 Well, did you ever see John Stossel get beat up by the wrestler?
01:49:37.000 Yes, because he got...
01:49:38.000 That's a classic.
01:49:40.000 That guy fucked him up.
01:49:41.000 John Stossel gets beat up by a wrestler.
01:49:44.000 He got really fucked up.
01:49:46.000 He ruptured his eardrums.
01:49:47.000 And he had long-term effects from that.
01:49:50.000 Yeah, that was really not nice.
01:49:52.000 But he was getting a little cocky with the guy.
01:49:54.000 Sure.
01:49:55.000 He could have asked him in a more respectful way.
01:49:56.000 Well, I'm not going into the ring to tell these guys that I think this shit's lame.
01:50:00.000 Who's the guy who beat him up?
01:50:03.000 Dave Schultz, right?
01:50:04.000 That guy looks crazy as shit.
01:50:06.000 Look at the side of him.
01:50:07.000 What?
01:50:07.000 Is it a good business?
01:50:08.000 Yeah, it's a good business.
01:50:09.000 I wouldn't be in it if it wasn't.
01:50:10.000 Why is it a good business?
01:50:11.000 Because only the tough survive.
01:50:12.000 That's the reason you ain't in it.
01:50:13.000 And this punk holding the camera, reading he ain't in it.
01:50:15.000 Reading these rednecks out here ain't in it.
01:50:17.000 Because it's a tough business.
01:50:29.000 Whoa.
01:50:40.000 The second one is, I think, the one that did the real thing.
01:50:43.000 Well, in all fairness, he was a little mouthy.
01:50:46.000 Yeah, sure.
01:50:47.000 He was a little mouthy with the wrestler.
01:50:48.000 Yeah.
01:50:49.000 You know, why would you...
01:50:50.000 Is this a good business?
01:50:51.000 First of all, he sucks as an interviewer.
01:50:54.000 Yeah.
01:50:54.000 That's a sucky interview.
01:50:56.000 Yeah.
01:50:56.000 If I interviewed a guy like that, I would expect him to be upset with me, too.
01:50:59.000 Is this a good business?
01:51:00.000 Yeah.
01:51:01.000 Why would you ask if it's a good business?
01:51:02.000 It's a horrible question.
01:51:03.000 Tell me about wrestling.
01:51:04.000 How'd you get involved in this?
01:51:05.000 Like, how long you been doing it?
01:51:07.000 How do you respond to people that say that this is not real?
01:51:09.000 Not me.
01:51:10.000 I'm not saying that.
01:51:11.000 You gotta be nice to the guy.
01:51:12.000 Don't be a dick.
01:51:13.000 I think it's fake.
01:51:15.000 Like, what are you...
01:51:16.000 Why are you so cocky?
01:51:17.000 Like, why do you think you could say that to a man?
01:51:19.000 Like, inches in front of him, just insult what he does.
01:51:21.000 It's stupid.
01:51:22.000 Of course it's fake!
01:51:24.000 You fucking dope!
01:51:26.000 It's arranged, but it's not.
01:51:28.000 They're hitting each other for real.
01:51:29.000 They're slamming each other for real.
01:51:30.000 That angle that guy took is so stupid.
01:51:32.000 Because I also...
01:51:33.000 I mean, just in life, you always...
01:51:35.000 Size up, who's in a room, right?
01:51:37.000 And like, I think some enormous dudes are fucking idiots, but I'm not going to be like, I think you're a fucking idiot to your face, because I don't want to get my ear fucking smashed.
01:51:46.000 Well, not only that, it was not necessary to create drama there.
01:51:49.000 No, I know.
01:51:49.000 That didn't draw anything out.
01:51:50.000 But he had a different idea of how that was going to turn out.
01:51:53.000 He thought, I'm going to ask him these questions and make him look stupid, because I'm way smarter than this fucking clown.
01:51:58.000 Exactly.
01:51:58.000 And then he got his eardrum punctured.
01:52:00.000 And, you know, I mean, he lived, he learned.
01:52:04.000 He's got a mustache, and he's a white guy.
01:52:07.000 His name is Stossel, and he's got a giant Burt Reynolds-style mustache.
01:52:10.000 And he still has it.
01:52:11.000 Does he really?
01:52:12.000 He's had that shit.
01:52:13.000 Yeah, he hasn't shaved that.
01:52:15.000 He still rocks that.
01:52:16.000 That's a fucked-up thing to happen.
01:52:17.000 To have a guy, like, manhandedly like that in front of a camera, and no one gives a shit, no one does anything.
01:52:22.000 Oh yeah, everyone's backing away from them.
01:52:25.000 No one's gonna save you right then.
01:52:26.000 What are you gonna do?
01:52:27.000 That guy's enormous.
01:52:28.000 Yeah.
01:52:29.000 That guy's a giant man.
01:52:31.000 Yeah.
01:52:31.000 You got a real problem.
01:52:32.000 Mm-hmm.
01:52:35.000 Mr. Stossel, you're not being protected.
01:52:38.000 A lot of those guys are...
01:52:39.000 Absolute scary fucking...
01:52:41.000 Of course they are.
01:52:41.000 Yeah, they're fucking huge.
01:52:42.000 Guys like Brock?
01:52:44.000 Brock Lesnar?
01:52:44.000 That's an enormous human.
01:52:46.000 Yeah.
01:52:46.000 If that guy wants to beat the fuck out of you in front of the cameraman, I mean, he might get arrested for it eventually.
01:52:50.000 Right.
01:52:51.000 But, like, while it's going down, like, no one's gonna help you.
01:52:54.000 That's just a fact.
01:52:55.000 Sure.
01:52:56.000 The Rock is a beast, too.
01:52:57.000 Oh, he's enormous.
01:52:58.000 He's bigger than ever now.
01:53:00.000 He's huge now.
01:53:01.000 He's really into bodybuilding.
01:53:02.000 He puts a lot of videos and tweets a lot about all the workouts he's doing at 4 o'clock in the morning.
01:53:09.000 He lands at 5 a.m.
01:53:11.000 He's at the hotel doing sets.
01:53:13.000 He said he was doing two hours of cardio and then three hours of lifting.
01:53:16.000 He's an animal.
01:53:17.000 He's an animal.
01:53:18.000 And then he has cheat days that he puts online.
01:53:20.000 You ever see his cheat days and shit he eats?
01:53:22.000 Fucking hundred donuts and shit.
01:53:23.000 Plates of donuts.
01:53:25.000 Giant stacks of brownies.
01:53:27.000 Like, jugs.
01:53:28.000 Like, several gallons of milk.
01:53:29.000 I've seen a lot of the, like, super athletes post-sugar.
01:53:34.000 Like, a lot of, like, guys that are doing, like, the super, you know, cross-training CrossFit guys.
01:53:41.000 Their cheat thing is always incredible amounts of sugar.
01:53:45.000 I think it's probably because of caloric intake.
01:53:47.000 Like, they probably have an extreme desire for heavy caloric intake.
01:53:50.000 And that glucose kind of to kick in.
01:53:52.000 Yeah, if you're doing, like, CrossFit and shit like that.
01:53:54.000 Plus, also, when you go with, like, really healthy diet on a regular, for the most part, it's so tempting to go off the rails.
01:54:02.000 Are you still gluten-free?
01:54:04.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:54:04.000 How's that going?
01:54:05.000 It's great.
01:54:05.000 I have no problems with it.
01:54:07.000 I heard UD bread is really good bread to try, so I'm going to try that out.
01:54:12.000 And then apparently there's a gluten-free bakery that wants to send us some stuff that's in LA. You know, I don't miss it that much.
01:54:22.000 I tried some gluten-free pasta.
01:54:23.000 It tastes fine.
01:54:24.000 The big thing to me is I feel way different after I eat.
01:54:28.000 When I would eat bread, I'd be like, ugh.
01:54:31.000 And I always assumed that was just how I felt after I ate.
01:54:33.000 Because I always ate bread.
01:54:35.000 I always had bread or pasta.
01:54:38.000 Like, always.
01:54:39.000 And then when I stopped, it was like, oh.
01:54:41.000 Like, I was being poisoned, essentially.
01:54:44.000 You know, like, slowly, you know.
01:54:46.000 Is it hard to do gluten-free when you travel?
01:54:49.000 Like, is it harder?
01:54:49.000 It's harder, but when I say poison, obviously I'm being melodramatic.
01:54:53.000 But what I really mean is that your body doesn't digest that shit well.
01:54:55.000 It takes a long time.
01:54:56.000 It feels like shit.
01:54:57.000 It feels weird.
01:54:58.000 And it's breads.
01:54:59.000 It's breads and pasta.
01:55:00.000 When you eliminate that stuff, it eliminates a whole level of after-meal crash.
01:55:05.000 There's still a bit of an after-meal slowdown.
01:55:08.000 I won't have a big meal and then go on stage for that very reason.
01:55:10.000 Sure.
01:55:11.000 I wouldn't want to have a steak and potatoes and then run right out on stage.
01:55:14.000 But the difference between a steak and potatoes and a steak, potatoes, and pasta is significant.
01:55:20.000 Steak, potatoes, and bread is significant.
01:55:22.000 That extra level of fucking coma that you go into when you eat your pasta, it's gone.
01:55:28.000 That level's gone.
01:55:29.000 I don't get that level anymore.
01:55:30.000 Can you still have potatoes?
01:55:31.000 Yeah.
01:55:31.000 You can have any carbs.
01:55:32.000 Oh, any carbs.
01:55:33.000 You can have rice.
01:55:34.000 Yeah.
01:55:34.000 The idea is all bait.
01:55:36.000 Like, some people say it's hooey, and it might be a little hooey.
01:55:39.000 You know, a little psychosomatic...
01:55:41.000 I don't think it is.
01:55:42.000 I think there's enough people that are pointing to some research that's been done on it that it makes sense.
01:55:47.000 And there's also research done on actual wheat itself.
01:55:50.000 The wheat itself, apparently in the 1960s, they altered it and made it a little tougher so it could survive pesticides and bug attacks and shit better.
01:55:59.000 And when they did that, it made it much more difficult for people to consume than the old school wheat that people had been eating for thousands of years.
01:56:06.000 So essentially, I don't know shit about it, you're just getting rid of wheat, right?
01:56:09.000 Yep.
01:56:10.000 Yeah, that's it.
01:56:11.000 Some breads and even some alcohols because it's a lot of alcohols.
01:56:15.000 Beers, right?
01:56:15.000 Yeah, but not Heineken.
01:56:18.000 Heineken, which I drank anyway, is gluten-free.
01:56:21.000 But, like, that stuff that I love, that Black Butte Porter, that's got tons of gluten in it.
01:56:25.000 There's a lot of gluten-y beers.
01:56:27.000 There's a lot of gluten in, like, things like clam chowder has gluten in it.
01:56:30.000 Okay.
01:56:31.000 There's a lot of stuff, like, you wouldn't expect, like, powdery.
01:56:33.000 Did you, I mean, you're always reading about it now?
01:56:36.000 Yeah.
01:56:36.000 To find out what you can eat?
01:56:37.000 Yeah, I just completely quit.
01:56:41.000 I just stepped back and said, well, let's see if it's worth doing.
01:56:45.000 I'll do it.
01:56:46.000 And if it's not worth doing, if I don't feel any different at all, I'll go right back.
01:56:49.000 But you feel great.
01:56:50.000 But I feel a difference.
01:56:51.000 There's definitely a difference.
01:56:53.000 There's a book called Wheat Belly that I still haven't read, but a lot of people point to that as being a good source of information.
01:57:01.000 As to why there was a change in wheat itself.
01:57:07.000 And what they're saying is that whole grains of 2012 are not the whole grains of 1950. The 19th century, the Bible, pre-biblical times, modern wheat in particular is genetically distant from its predecessors thanks to extreme genetic changes inflicted by Oh,
01:57:34.000 okay.
01:57:35.000 So, the healthy whole grains have been repeatedly shown to reduce risk in diabetes, heart disease, and colon cancer.
01:57:44.000 It's true, but if whole grains are compared to processed white wheat flour, it's guilty of the kind of flawed logic that dominates nutritional thinking, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
01:57:55.000 Hmm.
01:57:56.000 So, apparently, the grain that people used to eat is a much better tasting wheat.
01:58:04.000 Yeah.
01:58:04.000 Or a much better for you wheat.
01:58:06.000 But it just doesn't...
01:58:07.000 We don't have it anymore.
01:58:11.000 Wow.
01:58:14.000 Hmm.
01:58:15.000 So you eat a lot of protein though?
01:58:17.000 Yeah, I eat almost all protein like fish or chicken or meat and a lot of vegetables.
01:58:25.000 And I still eat potatoes and I'll still eat rice, but there's a difference in the way I feel.
01:58:30.000 I just think, digestion-wise, I think there's an issue with resources.
01:58:35.000 I think when you're eating wheat, one thing that's happening is many more resources that are used for other things are used to digest it.
01:58:42.000 It must come down to what it is.
01:58:44.000 When you think about a plate of pasta, chew that shit up, mash it up, swallow it, and then pack it all together.
01:58:50.000 It's glue.
01:58:51.000 You've got glue.
01:58:52.000 You've got a big wad of glue.
01:58:53.000 Yeah.
01:58:55.000 Your stomach acids are sort of designed to digest other things, like vegetables and meats.
01:59:01.000 I think it's a grind, man.
01:59:03.000 And this is obviously coming from someone who's not that nutritionally sound.
01:59:06.000 I don't know what I'm talking about, but I think it would just make sense.
01:59:10.000 And then once I noticed it, I just...
01:59:13.000 Are you still doing dairy?
01:59:15.000 I try to cut way back, but I still like it.
01:59:17.000 I like chocolate milk.
01:59:19.000 I like ice cream, too.
01:59:20.000 But I cut back.
01:59:22.000 But it's still delicious.
01:59:23.000 I don't eat cereal anymore, because the gluten-free cereals are not that yummy.
01:59:29.000 I like Raisin Bran.
01:59:30.000 I haven't found a gluten-free Raisin Bran.
01:59:33.000 Impossible.
01:59:34.000 I don't think it might exist, but I haven't found one yet.
01:59:37.000 So I'd stop with my cereal.
01:59:39.000 I eat cereal sometimes late at night.
01:59:41.000 It's like my cheat meal.
01:59:43.000 In front of the TV, I get a big fucking bowl of Kellogg's Raisin Bran.
01:59:47.000 Go off, son.
01:59:48.000 I cut that shit out entirely.
01:59:51.000 So I don't really have as much milk.
01:59:52.000 But there's a lot of companies now that just cater to the gluten-free, right?
01:59:56.000 There's always new things coming out.
01:59:58.000 Dude, milk and cookies are another one I miss.
02:00:00.000 I used to get these Uncle Eddie's vegan whatever the fuck it is, cookies.
02:00:04.000 Is that what it is?
02:00:04.000 Uncle Eddie's, I think?
02:00:06.000 These vegan cookies from Whole Foods.
02:00:08.000 They're so good.
02:00:09.000 Peanut butter and chocolate chip.
02:00:10.000 Listen to me.
02:00:11.000 If you're still eating gluten...
02:00:13.000 Don't, you know, don't pass up on these.
02:00:16.000 Please go get them, because they're the most delicious thing ever.
02:00:18.000 These vegan chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal chocolate chip with a cold glass of milk, I would eat those until I felt sick.
02:00:25.000 Trader Joe's made a crazy vegan chocolate chip cookie, too.
02:00:29.000 Really good.
02:00:30.000 They're so good.
02:00:31.000 I don't know why.
02:00:32.000 They don't taste bad because they're vegan.
02:00:34.000 They taste fine.
02:00:35.000 Is there a gluten-free version?
02:00:36.000 Well, I think vegan's just lacking the eggs.
02:00:38.000 I don't know what they bind it with.
02:00:40.000 Is there one that you can get?
02:00:41.000 I haven't seen one.
02:00:42.000 I've seen chocolate chip cookies that are gluten-free.
02:00:46.000 They're pretty good.
02:00:47.000 They can't fuck with those oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.
02:00:50.000 Those are incredible.
02:00:52.000 I would go pick them over non-vegan ones.
02:00:55.000 Oh, yeah.
02:00:56.000 That's how good they are.
02:00:57.000 Yeah.
02:00:57.000 I always thought that, for me, the TJ ones were amazing.
02:01:01.000 I would sit in front of the TV, like say if I was watching a really good movie, and I would eat a whole bag of those fucking things.
02:01:06.000 It was probably several thousand calories.
02:01:10.000 A giant glass of milk.
02:01:14.000 I love...
02:01:15.000 There's so many times I've just been decadent, but when you hear about how many calories...
02:01:20.000 Some people can consider.
02:01:21.000 Oh, like a Michael Phelps type dude?
02:01:23.000 That shit's so fucking awesome.
02:01:24.000 It's insane.
02:01:25.000 I want to watch him eat so badly while he's training.
02:01:27.000 Just watch him eat?
02:01:28.000 Yes.
02:01:29.000 Yes, I do.
02:01:30.000 I want to see.
02:01:30.000 Pass off.
02:01:31.000 Yeah.
02:01:31.000 I mean, they said, too, that workouts are so intense.
02:01:36.000 Yeah.
02:01:38.000 Like, get going first thing of the day might be a few bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches.
02:01:44.000 Yeah.
02:01:44.000 And then, like, everything goes down.
02:01:46.000 It's like, all right, you're in the pool.
02:01:48.000 And it's just training, training, training.
02:01:49.000 It's get out, and you eat, like, a bowl of pasta, like, you know, that's enough to fill five people's stomachs, you know?
02:01:57.000 Yeah, I think he probably blows off so much insane energy.
02:02:01.000 Yeah, it's not even...
02:02:02.000 You can't even wrap your head around that.
02:02:04.000 What kind of shit is this guy taking?
02:02:06.000 For real.
02:02:07.000 They must be thunderous.
02:02:09.000 All the time.
02:02:10.000 Number six?
02:02:10.000 It's got to go somewhere.
02:02:11.000 It's got to be number sixes.
02:02:12.000 Yeah, number six.
02:02:13.000 What's a number six?
02:02:14.000 On the Bristol stool chart.
02:02:16.000 What is the stool chart?
02:02:17.000 It's how they rate your shits.
02:02:20.000 So one through seven.
02:02:21.000 One and two are like you're grinding them out.
02:02:24.000 Like they're pretty difficult.
02:02:25.000 Most of my shits are not impressive.
02:02:26.000 But every now and then, I will give birth to Godzilla.
02:02:29.000 Well, is it a nice slider?
02:02:31.000 Oh, yeah.
02:02:31.000 That's a four.
02:02:33.000 Slider's a four, even if it's giant?
02:02:34.000 That's what you want.
02:02:35.000 Yeah, even if it's giant.
02:02:37.000 What's a six?
02:02:38.000 Six is really sloppy.
02:02:40.000 Lots of little pieces.
02:02:41.000 Like, you blew it out your ass.
02:02:42.000 Blah!
02:02:43.000 Yeah.
02:02:43.000 That happens as well.
02:02:44.000 Seven is...
02:02:46.000 All liquid.
02:02:46.000 Are these bad or good on a scale of good to bad?
02:02:49.000 You want three and fours.
02:02:51.000 That's what you want.
02:02:52.000 Three and fours.
02:02:53.000 Three and four is where it's at.
02:02:54.000 Three and four is where it's at.
02:02:55.000 Three and four.
02:02:56.000 I'll tell you what, man.
02:02:57.000 A really good shit that you've held in for a while is incredibly pleasing.
02:03:01.000 Oh, yeah.
02:03:02.000 Like, if you've been holding it in, holding it in, fuck, gotta get to a toilet, gotta get to a toilet.
02:03:07.000 And finally, even if you're in a public bathroom, you sit down, you just...
02:03:11.000 And it's so good that it doesn't bother you that you're taking a shit in a public bathroom.
02:03:15.000 You just unload that dragon right out of your ass.
02:03:17.000 It just swims out and destroys Google.
02:03:20.000 There's really no feeling like it.
02:03:22.000 There's really no feeling like it.
02:03:23.000 Number sixes are fun, though, because it's like your butthole's sneezing, but the seven one with the blood is the worst one.
02:03:28.000 That's not good.
02:03:29.000 There's a one with a blood?
02:03:31.000 A seven?
02:03:31.000 A seven's blood.
02:03:32.000 Seven's just all liquid.
02:03:33.000 No solid material.
02:03:35.000 The thing is, do you ever have when you hold it in and you know it's going to be a five or six?
02:03:40.000 Like, you ever have like a...
02:03:41.000 For me, it's like if you have too greasy a breakfast, and it's the first thing that enters your stomach, and you know when you get up.
02:03:48.000 Like, if you're at a restaurant, you're like, this is going to be unbelievable in the next...
02:03:54.000 Whenever I can find a place to sit down, this is going to be a disaster.
02:03:58.000 If you're in a hotel, you get up to your room and it is a religious experience.
02:04:05.000 Oh, it's great.
02:04:05.000 I recently had a gluten-free vegan cheese pizza.
02:04:10.000 The vegan cheese doesn't digest in your body.
02:04:13.000 Your body's just like, what do you want from me?
02:04:15.000 The next day, it was like...
02:04:17.000 Asteroids.
02:04:18.000 Fireballs.
02:04:19.000 And it burnt coming out even though it wasn't even spicy cheese.
02:04:22.000 It was just because it was vegan cheese.
02:04:24.000 Stung a little bit.
02:04:25.000 Yeah.
02:04:26.000 Little bee stingers.
02:04:27.000 Ooh.
02:04:29.000 Little bee stingers on your butthole.
02:04:31.000 Little bee stingers.
02:04:31.000 You need to go to a doctor.
02:04:33.000 You know that, right?
02:04:34.000 I told you this before.
02:04:35.000 Just for your mind.
02:04:36.000 Not even for your butt.
02:04:37.000 I've been.
02:04:38.000 I go so much now.
02:04:39.000 One of the doctors say, they just go, there's too many of you out there in the world.
02:04:42.000 There's nothing I can do.
02:04:43.000 No, I got a full physical and everything's perfect.
02:04:46.000 Everything was perfect.
02:04:47.000 Speaking of crazy doctors, a Nigerian guy working on his college...
02:04:53.000 This is a college paper.
02:04:57.000 Unbelievable.
02:04:57.000 He proved that gay marriage is impossible with magnets.
02:05:02.000 This is the single dumbest thing that anybody has ever said.
02:05:07.000 It's amazing.
02:05:08.000 This isn't a hoax?
02:05:09.000 This isn't The Onion?
02:05:10.000 No, no, no.
02:05:10.000 If you go to Death and Tax Mag, I think...
02:05:14.000 That's a legit website.
02:05:17.000 No, I think this is real.
02:05:19.000 I think this is totally real because every other story on it seems real.
02:05:22.000 It reads so dumb.
02:05:23.000 Okay, I can't even say the guy's name.
02:05:28.000 Chibulihim Amalaha, a post-graduate student at the University of Lego in Nigeria, has finally discovered a way to inconvertibly prove that gay marriage is wrong, Using a variety of scientific techniques.
02:05:43.000 Like magnets.
02:05:44.000 Sounds promising.
02:05:46.000 This is what he said.
02:05:46.000 This is in quotes.
02:05:47.000 To start with, physics is one of the most fundamental of all the sciences.
02:05:51.000 And I use two bar magnets in my research.
02:05:54.000 A bar magnet is a horizontal magnet that has the North Pole and the South Pole.
02:05:58.000 And when you bring two bar magnets and you bring the North Pole together, you will find that two North Poles do not attract.
02:06:04.000 They will repel.
02:06:08.000 So, you push them away from showing that a man should not attract a man.
02:06:15.000 Showing that a man should not attract a man.
02:06:18.000 If you bring two South Poles together, you will find that the two South Poles will not attract, indicating that the same sex marriage should not hold.
02:06:26.000 A female should not attract a female, as a South Pole of a magnet does not attract a South Pole of a magnet.
02:06:33.000 Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant concept.
02:06:35.000 This is hilarious.
02:06:36.000 This guy actually wrote this stuff down.
02:06:37.000 Maybe he's trolling.
02:06:38.000 Maybe he's gay as fuck.
02:06:40.000 He's slinging dick like he's handing out churros at a fair.
02:06:44.000 And he's just like, listen, I know what to do here.
02:06:49.000 I just tell them.
02:06:50.000 There is no gay marriage.
02:06:51.000 You tell me you are attracted to a dick?
02:06:54.000 Suck up on my dick.
02:06:55.000 I do not believe.
02:06:56.000 Oh, you're sucking up on my dick.
02:06:58.000 I can't even believe you pretend to like this.
02:07:00.000 I have to change my magnet theory.
02:07:01.000 You do not like to suck up on my dick.
02:07:02.000 I will come in your mouth, but only this one time.
02:07:05.000 He should hold a press conference, this guy, just so people can be like, I'm attracted to smelly armpits.
02:07:12.000 Which magnet can you show me will disprove my heart on?
02:07:16.000 Yeah, isn't that a thing with a lot of gay dudes?
02:07:19.000 They're into stinky dudes.
02:07:20.000 Stinks, yeah, yeah, stinks.
02:07:22.000 I got something for you, gay dudes.
02:07:25.000 I got something for you.
02:07:26.000 I got a lot of smelly barts.
02:07:28.000 What's up?
02:07:31.000 Yeah.
02:07:31.000 Do you ever get attacked or picked on or rather hit on?
02:07:35.000 I've gotten hit on.
02:07:36.000 Sure.
02:07:37.000 What do they do to you?
02:07:38.000 What's the number one move?
02:07:39.000 Hug you.
02:07:39.000 Do you think, first of all, were you offended?
02:07:41.000 Do you like, yeah, I don't look that gay.
02:07:43.000 No.
02:07:43.000 No, I wasn't offended.
02:07:45.000 I mean...
02:07:47.000 I've been so hit on that I'm like, I really feel bad for women.
02:07:51.000 Like, it puts it in perspective, you know?
02:07:53.000 Oh, right, right, right.
02:07:54.000 Yeah, like, this guy's a real pig, man.
02:07:55.000 Like, I'm not a piece of meat.
02:07:56.000 Jesus.
02:07:57.000 I had a comic corner me once and get really goofy with me.
02:08:00.000 Yeah, I had...
02:08:01.000 In Montreal, drunk.
02:08:03.000 And it was so vile.
02:08:05.000 I kind of totally understood what it must be like for a woman to get hit on by some sleazy dude.
02:08:10.000 I had a sleazy guy do it too.
02:08:11.000 And he was like, what did he say?
02:08:14.000 He was a comic, and he was bringing me on stage, and he had been like, that's a good shirt on you, and all this little compliment.
02:08:21.000 I was like, alright, man.
02:08:22.000 And then he was like, when I bring you up, and I could tell he was hammered, what if I kissed you on the mouth?
02:08:27.000 I'd be like, don't do that, dude.
02:08:28.000 I was like, don't do that.
02:08:29.000 And he was like, alright, alright.
02:08:31.000 Oh my god.
02:08:32.000 Just don't do that.
02:08:32.000 A comic?
02:08:33.000 We're going to bring you on stage.
02:08:35.000 Did he lick the mic all before he gave it to you?
02:08:39.000 Hoping that some of his saliva will get into yours.
02:08:41.000 Yeah, no.
02:08:43.000 But he was just like, he was a creep, right?
02:08:45.000 So I was like, that's what a creepy dude is to a girl.
02:08:48.000 Do you want to name names?
02:08:49.000 No, don't do it.
02:08:50.000 Okay, well.
02:08:51.000 Do it!
02:08:53.000 What if it's the same guy?
02:08:54.000 It could be.
02:08:55.000 What's the same?
02:08:55.000 Name the guy.
02:08:56.000 No, I can't.
02:08:57.000 Don't do it.
02:08:57.000 First name.
02:08:58.000 First initial.
02:09:00.000 Brand's got the camera on me.
02:09:01.000 Oh, oh, oh.
02:09:09.000 No, no, no.
02:09:14.000 People are forensic with that.
02:09:20.000 I made up a name.
02:09:21.000 Don't worry about it, folks.
02:09:25.000 You want to hear something gayer than that?
02:09:27.000 I was in a restaurant the other day.
02:09:29.000 This is not even gay.
02:09:31.000 Oh, okay.
02:09:31.000 This is disgusting.
02:09:32.000 Okay.
02:09:33.000 A woman...
02:09:34.000 This has nothing to do with gay.
02:09:35.000 I don't even say why it's gayer than that.
02:09:37.000 A woman brought in a dog.
02:09:39.000 Yeah.
02:09:39.000 A giant dog, like a lab.
02:09:42.000 Right.
02:09:42.000 And she sat down at a restaurant, and the lab sat down next to her table.
02:09:46.000 And I go, what the fuck's going on?
02:09:48.000 And the waitress told me that she has an emotional needs dog.
02:09:53.000 Oh, yeah.
02:09:53.000 Yeah.
02:09:54.000 Yeah.
02:09:55.000 Did you know about this?
02:09:56.000 Absolutely.
02:09:57.000 Tom just got it.
02:09:59.000 Yeah.
02:09:59.000 You got an emotional needs dog?
02:10:00.000 Uh-huh.
02:10:01.000 And I might get it too.
02:10:02.000 For real?
02:10:03.000 To take it on the airplane for free.
02:10:05.000 Get the fuck out of here.
02:10:06.000 Wait a minute.
02:10:07.000 So, if you have an emotional needs dog, like say if you get your dog an emotional needs dog license, you could take that dog on an airplane.
02:10:13.000 For free.
02:10:14.000 For free?
02:10:15.000 For free, yes.
02:10:16.000 For free?
02:10:17.000 Yeah.
02:10:17.000 Yes.
02:10:18.000 I recommend it for a small dog.
02:10:18.000 But every airline has like a different policy.
02:10:21.000 I mean, like...
02:10:22.000 What if someone's massively allergic to dogs that are sitting in front of you and your dog is dirty?
02:10:27.000 I have seen clown-like fucking dogs get on planes where I was like, this is a joke, right?
02:10:32.000 Like a fucking basset hound.
02:10:35.000 And to the point where we're all like, what's going on?
02:10:38.000 Like the same thing, we're on a plane.
02:10:39.000 And they were like, it's their fucking emotional needs dog.
02:10:43.000 Emotional needs dog.
02:10:44.000 Yep.
02:10:44.000 And I've seen a, what's it called?
02:10:48.000 An English bulldog?
02:10:50.000 You know, like a big bulldog.
02:10:52.000 Get on.
02:10:53.000 Same thing, like it's an emotional needs dog.
02:10:55.000 That is incredible.
02:10:57.000 I couldn't imagine that it would be legal in a restaurant, though.
02:10:59.000 That is so crazy to me.
02:11:00.000 Especially one that has an outside patio.
02:11:03.000 She wasn't even using the outside patio.
02:11:05.000 Really?
02:11:05.000 This dog's dirty, open asshole is just sitting there in the middle of the dining room.
02:11:11.000 Yeah.
02:11:12.000 Yeah.
02:11:13.000 Not washed.
02:11:14.000 I mean, the dog takes shits.
02:11:16.000 Totally.
02:11:16.000 Nobody's hosing his ass off before they bring him out in public and make it presentable.
02:11:20.000 He's just farting right in front of everybody.
02:11:22.000 Of course.
02:11:22.000 It was his lab, man.
02:11:23.000 It was a lab.
02:11:24.000 Big dog, yeah.
02:11:25.000 Big golden lab.
02:11:26.000 Yeah.
02:11:26.000 Crazy bitch.
02:11:28.000 Yeah, and I think, did you tweet this?
02:11:30.000 Yeah.
02:11:30.000 Did you tweet this out?
02:11:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:11:32.000 It was a notable person, right?
02:11:33.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:11:33.000 Famous person.
02:11:34.000 Famous woman.
02:11:35.000 That's funny.
02:11:36.000 Ridiculous broken bitch.
02:11:38.000 You can't bring a fucking dog.
02:11:40.000 It's so rude to bring a big dog into a restaurant like that and act like you're king shit and just sit there with the dog and pat it.
02:11:47.000 That idea of emotional needs dog is so crazy.
02:11:51.000 It's so crazy.
02:11:53.000 The problem is, look, there are people that are absolutely devastated, and there are probably people that, if it wasn't for their dog, they probably wouldn't even want to be alive.
02:12:01.000 That is a fact.
02:12:02.000 There are people that that thing really applies to, where it's very...
02:12:04.000 Yeah.
02:12:04.000 Guess what?
02:12:05.000 You don't get to bring your dog into a fucking restaurant.
02:12:07.000 It doesn't matter.
02:12:08.000 Of course.
02:12:08.000 You don't get to bring that big, stupid, hairy animal...
02:12:12.000 Into a restaurant, and then someone touches something that your dog's butt touched, and they get worms.
02:12:18.000 Because that easily could happen.
02:12:19.000 You don't know if your dog has worms.
02:12:20.000 You don't know what the fuck's going on there.
02:12:22.000 You barely take care of that thing.
02:12:23.000 How many checkups do you give your dog?
02:12:25.000 Dog can't even talk.
02:12:26.000 It's like California.
02:12:27.000 You're going to be that paranoid, though.
02:12:28.000 You're going to be more as paranoid as just opening the door to go to the bathroom.
02:12:31.000 Not about paranoid, dude.
02:12:33.000 I have dogs of my own.
02:12:34.000 You just don't bring your dogs near a fucking dinner table.
02:12:36.000 It's that simple.
02:12:37.000 When you're out there at a restaurant, the dog is literally at the table putting its face on the table.
02:12:42.000 The person's eating and the dog's right here.
02:12:44.000 She's touching it and then she's touching the table.
02:12:46.000 She's rubbing the dog's hand and she's picking up the forks.
02:12:50.000 She's a dirty bitch.
02:12:51.000 If she wants to do that, I don't do that at home.
02:12:54.000 I don't allow my dogs to fucking sit right near the...
02:12:56.000 My cat eats off my ice cream cones.
02:12:57.000 Well, you're an idiot.
02:12:58.000 That's a dumb thing.
02:12:59.000 You probably have toxoplasma.
02:13:02.000 But, you know, if people want to do that at home, they choose to do that at home, that's one thing.
02:13:07.000 But if you have that dog around where other people eat inside a building, there's a reason why everybody can't do it.
02:13:13.000 Yeah, she just wants her dog with her.
02:13:15.000 Yeah, well, there's a reason why everybody can't do it, because if it was totally sanitary, anybody would be allowed to do it.
02:13:21.000 We wouldn't even care.
02:13:22.000 Right.
02:13:22.000 The reason why it's not allowed is because it's unsanitary.
02:13:26.000 So to put other people's health concerns behind your need to be with a fucking thing that loves you all the time is incredibly selfish.
02:13:38.000 To bring that into a restaurant and know that you are violating the standard health procedures with a loophole.
02:13:44.000 And those health procedures were put in place to make sure that people don't get sick.
02:13:47.000 Right.
02:13:47.000 From other people's dirty ass, stinky dogs.
02:13:49.000 But what about when it's a service dog where you know the person needs it, but it's still a dirty...
02:13:55.000 It is a problem.
02:13:57.000 It makes more sense at least.
02:13:59.000 Right, but it's still, that dog's still there.
02:14:01.000 It still is.
02:14:01.000 Well, I think they should take precautions and the people that work there should probably clean up extra good anywhere around the animal.
02:14:07.000 But if you're a blind person, yeah, I hear you.
02:14:09.000 It makes sense.
02:14:10.000 But this is not that.
02:14:12.000 No, it's not that.
02:14:12.000 This is just needy, crazy California.
02:14:14.000 It's California.
02:14:15.000 That's California.
02:14:16.000 Needy, crazy, famous people.
02:14:18.000 California's the first place.
02:14:19.000 I remember when I moved here and I was getting post-production jobs working in different Places, right?
02:14:25.000 And staff, people on staff, from the post-production supervisor to a producer or a writer to editors, there were fucking like 11 dogs, right?
02:14:36.000 The first place.
02:14:36.000 And I was like, what is going on?
02:14:38.000 And it was like, well, you know, we bring our dogs to work.
02:14:40.000 And I was like, I've never seen this anywhere where people just...
02:14:43.000 And then every place I got a gig after that always had 10 fucking dogs.
02:14:48.000 And they were like, well, yeah, I mean, people just bring their dogs to work.
02:14:51.000 I used to bring my dog to news radio.
02:14:54.000 Yeah, Frank Sinatra, the pit bull.
02:14:56.000 I used to bring him to work.
02:14:56.000 And I used to bring Squeaky, Squeaky Fromm, my other pit bull.
02:14:59.000 I used to bring her to Fear Factor.
02:15:00.000 It's California.
02:15:02.000 Yeah, Squeaky Fromm was a creepy little bitch.
02:15:03.000 I couldn't leave her at home with the other dogs.
02:15:05.000 Oh, really?
02:15:05.000 She would start some shit.
02:15:07.000 What kind of dog was that?
02:15:08.000 She was a pit bull.
02:15:08.000 Pit bull?
02:15:09.000 So I'd bring her with me to work.
02:15:10.000 Good dog, though?
02:15:11.000 Oh, she was a sweetie with people.
02:15:13.000 She was a real sweetie with people.
02:15:14.000 She loved people.
02:15:15.000 She hated other dogs, though.
02:15:17.000 She didn't like them because they would take attention away from her.
02:15:19.000 She was a rescue dog.
02:15:21.000 There's a great thing about rescuing dogs in that you get to save a dog from most likely being put down.
02:15:27.000 But the bad thing about rescue dogs is when I got her, she was almost a year.
02:15:31.000 She had been really badly abused.
02:15:33.000 And so that almost a year of her life, she had been treated like shit.
02:15:38.000 And when I came along and treated her with love, anybody that got between that was very dangerous to her.
02:15:45.000 Like another dog...
02:15:46.000 That came in and tried to get the love.
02:15:48.000 Like, she would snap at the cat, like, bitch, you better get the fuck away from my man.
02:15:51.000 Like, she wanted only me to pet her.
02:15:54.000 Like, and when, like, she would come running with the other dogs, she would growl at them and snap at them to get out of the way so that she could get pet.
02:16:01.000 She would back everybody else off.
02:16:02.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:16:03.000 She was just a gangster.
02:16:04.000 And were you able to grab that at all?
02:16:07.000 No.
02:16:07.000 She killed my dog.
02:16:08.000 She killed one of my dogs.
02:16:09.000 Did she really?
02:16:10.000 She actually killed two of them.
02:16:12.000 Whoa.
02:16:12.000 Yeah, she killed one of the dogs and then she got in a fight with the male to the point where he had to be put down.
02:16:17.000 Oh my god.
02:16:18.000 Yeah.
02:16:18.000 She was crazy.
02:16:20.000 They're crazy dogs.
02:16:21.000 The problem with pit bulls is you're dealing with, and people who get mad at me for saying this, listen, nobody loves those dogs more than I do.
02:16:28.000 I've had a few of them in my life and Frank was an amazing dog.
02:16:32.000 He was a beautiful, smart, A sweetheart with people, with all my friends.
02:16:36.000 He was so kind.
02:16:37.000 He was such a sweet, friendly, loving dog.
02:16:40.000 But he was a Hawaiian boar-fighting dog.
02:16:42.000 They used him to hunt boars.
02:16:45.000 And those dogs were so animal-aggressive because they were bred to go after boars and hold onto them.
02:16:52.000 They were so smart because of that.
02:16:54.000 They were really clever and they had a really high prey drive.
02:16:57.000 And a lot of times in dogs, High prey drive is also with high intelligence.
02:17:02.000 A lot of those dogs that get through, especially because of the cruel nature of both dog fighting and using them for animals, for hunting, and stuff like that.
02:17:10.000 You have to have only the best, wildest, craziest, strongest, bravest dog to breed.
02:17:16.000 And that's how you make a strong bloodline.
02:17:19.000 The real problem is, like, they're bred to do shit you don't want them to do.
02:17:23.000 They're bred to fight.
02:17:24.000 They're bred to want to kill animals.
02:17:26.000 Right.
02:17:27.000 So, even if you're really good at training them, which I was really good at training dogs.
02:17:31.000 I've been training dogs my whole life.
02:17:33.000 I'm pretty good at it.
02:17:33.000 I mean, I'm not a professional.
02:17:35.000 I'm not like, you know, Guys who train dogs for Schutzen, but I'm pretty good at getting a dog to explain what I want and I know not to be cruel to them and always give them love.
02:17:44.000 And when you get a new puppy, you spend more time with the big dog than you do with the puppy to let the big dog know that the little dogs around, you're going to get more attention.
02:17:52.000 You're going to get more attention.
02:17:53.000 Like, I'm good at that shit.
02:17:54.000 But they...
02:17:56.000 You know, they have a nature.
02:17:57.000 They have a nature from thousands of years of breeding, and it's really hard to change.
02:18:02.000 It's really hard to change.
02:18:03.000 It's in the wiring, right?
02:18:04.000 Like, it's just not going to...
02:18:05.000 A bit.
02:18:05.000 I mean, certainly you can develop dogs that are more aggressive because you promote it, but I did the opposite of promoting it.
02:18:12.000 I tried to discourage it whenever possible and tried to encourage love whenever possible and make them be sweeties.
02:18:18.000 Get them plenty of exercise.
02:18:19.000 I bought a big yard just because I have plenty of room for them to run around.
02:18:22.000 I want them to be contained.
02:18:25.000 It doesn't matter.
02:18:25.000 They want to fuck up other dogs, man.
02:18:27.000 Yeah, she still wanted to kill someone.
02:18:27.000 They wanted to go to war, and she'll fight to the death.
02:18:31.000 Wow.
02:18:31.000 Yeah, it's crazy.
02:18:32.000 But meanwhile, she's slept in my bed.
02:18:35.000 Sweetest dog ever.
02:18:36.000 Damn.
02:18:36.000 She's my baby.
02:18:37.000 She would go on trips with me, and she would sit right beside me in my car seat, like if I drove somewhere.
02:18:42.000 I would take her with me all the time.
02:18:43.000 I took her to work all the time.
02:18:44.000 She would sit right next to me.
02:18:47.000 Big stupid face.
02:18:48.000 Head out the window.
02:18:49.000 Yeah, that's awesome.
02:18:50.000 Dogs are amazing.
02:18:50.000 I love dogs.
02:18:51.000 But you can't bring them to the restaurant, you fucking crazy cunt.
02:18:55.000 Have that dog's dirty asshole out there with my little kids or touching shit.
02:18:59.000 On one side of the restaurant, there's a dog.
02:19:01.000 The other side's a three-year-old with a vulnerable immune system.
02:19:04.000 You dirty, stinky asshole.
02:19:06.000 Do you bring your dog out?
02:19:08.000 Me?
02:19:08.000 Yeah.
02:19:09.000 No, I don't take my dog to restaurants, but I'm more concerned about just fucking restaurants.
02:19:13.000 These waiters with their dirty poop hands.
02:19:16.000 That could happen.
02:19:17.000 I mean, I worked in restaurants, so I saw shit like, oh, that guy pissed me off.
02:19:21.000 I'm going to take his hamburger patty, put it against my balls, and put it back on his.
02:19:24.000 No.
02:19:24.000 I saw that shit all the time.
02:19:26.000 Are you serious?
02:19:26.000 Oh, fuck yeah.
02:19:27.000 I've seen that.
02:19:27.000 I've done it a few times.
02:19:28.000 I've seen...
02:19:29.000 How dare you?
02:19:30.000 You should lie about that.
02:19:31.000 Really?
02:19:31.000 It's been seven years.
02:19:33.000 Is that statute of limitations legally?
02:19:35.000 People put it on their balls?
02:19:36.000 Oh, dude.
02:19:38.000 That's horrible.
02:19:39.000 I did this one where this guy said he wanted a medium rare steak.
02:19:44.000 And so I gave him a medium rare.
02:19:45.000 It was perfect.
02:19:46.000 He goes, that's too raw.
02:19:47.000 And I'm like, do you even know what a medium rare steak is?
02:19:49.000 So we brought it back medium.
02:19:50.000 And then he came and was like, oh, you overcooked it.
02:19:52.000 I was like, all right, you didn't know anything.
02:19:54.000 So when they gave us the steak back, I just wiped it all over my asshole and then put it back on the plate.
02:19:59.000 And then you fed it to him?
02:20:00.000 Oh, yeah.
02:20:00.000 Wow, Brian.
02:20:02.000 How rude.
02:20:03.000 All over your asshole?
02:20:05.000 What'd your asshole feel like?
02:20:06.000 I think you lost there.
02:20:07.000 The guy didn't even know.
02:20:09.000 Meanwhile, you had steak juice all over your asshole.
02:20:11.000 You put a hot steak on your asshole?
02:20:12.000 Yes, I did.
02:20:13.000 You're a problem.
02:20:14.000 Didn't some of that seasoning kind of give it a little kick?
02:20:16.000 Spice.
02:20:17.000 What did your ass taste like that night?
02:20:19.000 That's why his steaks suck.
02:20:20.000 You know, you can't even taste them with your asshole.
02:20:22.000 There's no flavor on that thing.
02:20:24.000 There's definitely a thing where when you're a waiter and the table is treating you like shit, it's like, you know, fuck you, dude.
02:20:31.000 I don't give a fuck that I'm working at this restaurant, how you're talking to me right now.
02:20:36.000 That happens more than ever.
02:20:38.000 That's why when you complain at restaurants, unless you're cool about it, you gotta watch the fuck out because a lot of people do crazy shit.
02:20:44.000 Yeah, no doubt, no doubt.
02:20:46.000 I think that restaurants, like...
02:20:48.000 When I go, I try to be super nice to everybody.
02:20:50.000 I'm super cognizant of that.
02:20:52.000 You don't want to treat somebody like shit that's about to handle your food.
02:20:55.000 You gotta be careful about that, man.
02:20:58.000 I've seen people do things.
02:20:59.000 I worked at a restaurant and I saw a dude spit in someone's ice cream shake.
02:21:04.000 Took a big hock of Louie and stuck it in there.
02:21:07.000 That's so...
02:21:07.000 Oh, man.
02:21:09.000 And for no reason.
02:21:09.000 He just decided to be cute.
02:21:11.000 He thought it was cute.
02:21:12.000 He would try to be funny.
02:21:13.000 I was working as a dishwasher and he was working as a cook and he would go and spit on the cheeseburgers and shit and flip them.
02:21:19.000 That's fucked up, man.
02:21:20.000 He would go, watch this.
02:21:23.000 Jesus Christ.
02:21:24.000 There was this restaurant I worked at and there was a band-aid that was in the tomato basil soup and one of the waitresses brought it back and was like, somebody put a band-aid in the soup.
02:21:34.000 And I just remember they never replaced the soup.
02:21:37.000 They just got her more soup from the same thing that the band-aid was in.
02:21:40.000 I was in this one place in Hawaii and these people were trying to scam the waiter.
02:21:47.000 They were trying to scam the waiter by saying that the waiter has to do something about, you know, their bill because the rice was too hot.
02:21:53.000 Like, first you brought the rice over, it was cold.
02:21:56.000 Then you bring it over and it's so hot it burns her mouth.
02:21:59.000 I mean, you guys gotta get it together here.
02:22:01.000 And, like, they were being, like, it was an English guy.
02:22:04.000 And he was being loud and belligerent.
02:22:05.000 It was so bad and so blatant that it was almost like he was doing, like, some undercover camera, like, showing how someone could scam.
02:22:14.000 We're good to go.
02:22:35.000 He didn't even try to calm him down while the guy was talking really loud in this restaurant.
02:22:40.000 So it became a really strange thing where everybody was paying attention to it.
02:22:43.000 It was theater.
02:22:44.000 But the manager just stayed kind of like, sir, what are you trying to do?
02:22:48.000 Like, what would you like?
02:22:49.000 And the guy's like, well, I'm saying you guys have got to make amends here.
02:22:51.000 This rice was cold, and now it's so hot, she burned her mouth.
02:22:55.000 Like, I almost burned my mouth!
02:22:57.000 And he's like, and you know, you didn't have one of the specials on the menu.
02:23:01.000 I go to order it, you're out.
02:23:02.000 My good man, you know, I'm from London.
02:23:04.000 If this happens in London, you know, they do something about it.
02:23:07.000 And the guy said, what are you suggesting, sir?
02:23:09.000 He goes, well, I'm suggesting that you take care of our bill or something along those lines.
02:23:14.000 And the guy's like, that's not going to happen, sir.
02:23:16.000 Yeah, of course.
02:23:17.000 And so then another waiter comes over, and then they're just hovering over this guy.
02:23:21.000 While he pretends to be outraged about this.
02:23:24.000 He's trying to put together a scam.
02:23:26.000 He just doesn't have any ammunition.
02:23:27.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:23:28.000 But they're going for it.
02:23:29.000 I've seen it countless times at comedy clubs.
02:23:33.000 So many times at comedy clubs.
02:23:34.000 Oh yeah, mock indignation.
02:23:36.000 It's like a lingering group.
02:23:39.000 People have left the show.
02:23:40.000 And you're like, what's going on?
02:23:42.000 Why are they here?
02:23:43.000 And they're like, man, this shit wasn't even good.
02:23:45.000 The food you brought, you ate it.
02:23:47.000 And they're like, yeah, but it was bad.
02:23:49.000 Like, you ate it.
02:23:50.000 You didn't say anything then.
02:23:51.000 They always order a shitload, too.
02:23:53.000 Like, they always order, like, three appetizers.
02:23:55.000 Like, they just go crazy, and then at the end, they tell you.
02:23:58.000 I've seen at a restaurant a guy with a big party.
02:24:01.000 Like, these shrimp were terrible, man.
02:24:03.000 These were bad.
02:24:04.000 Like, the ones that you ate an hour ago.
02:24:06.000 Like, yeah.
02:24:07.000 This has got to go, man.
02:24:08.000 I can't, I mean...
02:24:09.000 You know there's another problem, too, that people do, and that's when a bunch of people go out...
02:24:14.000 Automatic activity?
02:24:14.000 No.
02:24:15.000 A bunch of people go out, and one person gets stuck I think?
02:24:45.000 And then there's like, well, then he put in $40.
02:24:47.000 Shit, I don't have to put in anything.
02:24:48.000 Like, people have all this weird logic when it comes to paying a bill.
02:24:52.000 That happens every night going to Norm's.
02:24:55.000 You know, all the comics, like 20 comics all sitting there, and you're like, wait a second, I gave $40.
02:25:00.000 Oh, that's not good.
02:25:01.000 All the time.
02:25:01.000 I've gone out with groups where I was planning on, you know, everyone chipping in something.
02:25:09.000 I'm like, I have to bust out credit card and pay a crazy amount more.
02:25:15.000 Yeah, that can become a problem, man.
02:25:17.000 And it'll also become a problem if they expect you to pay.
02:25:20.000 Like, if you pay a couple of times, they're like, yeah, Redman will pay.
02:25:22.000 And then they'll start ordering omelets and shit, hash browns, and like, yeah, I wasn't gonna get orange juice, but fucking Redman's gonna pay.
02:25:29.000 Redman's got my back.
02:25:30.000 I was gonna have some ice water, but I'm pretty sure Redman's gonna pay.
02:25:32.000 I'll get that steak and eggs.
02:25:35.000 Yeah, I just throw down a 20 at that point, which is usually like $5 more than I should.
02:25:39.000 Here's my, you know...
02:25:40.000 You have to do that every episode.
02:25:41.000 You can see people doing that, though, if you're around long, especially comics.
02:25:45.000 It's so opportunistic, man.
02:25:47.000 The struggling comic is one of the sleaziest, most least trustworthy animal in all of entertainment.
02:25:54.000 Because they're like part criminal, part artist.
02:25:57.000 Yeah.
02:25:58.000 All wrapped up together.
02:25:59.000 How many struggling comics do we know that are just a hair from being a criminal?
02:26:03.000 Yeah.
02:26:04.000 Yeah.
02:26:04.000 Or they're homeless people.
02:26:06.000 They all live in their cars.
02:26:07.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that.
02:26:07.000 All these people live in the Hollywood Hills.
02:26:09.000 You always take care of shit, though.
02:26:10.000 Like, I've been turned down to pay stuff by you every time I've ever...
02:26:14.000 Yeah, but that's when we're working together.
02:26:16.000 When we work together, I take care of everything.
02:26:19.000 That's the deal.
02:26:20.000 That's pretty crazy.
02:26:21.000 The deal is I take care of all the hotel, I take care of all the meals, I take care of all the...
02:26:26.000 I think that's the way you're supposed to deal with it.
02:26:28.000 It's not your job to be there with me.
02:26:31.000 Your job is to do your show.
02:26:33.000 So all the other time, all the other stuff during the day, that takes away from the amount of money that you make at a gig.
02:26:39.000 If you have to worry about paying all your meals and paying for a hotel or paying for this or paying for that...
02:26:43.000 That seems like bullshit to me.
02:26:45.000 Like, when you're on the road, you know, you're my guest.
02:26:48.000 That's nice of you.
02:26:48.000 I have, that's very nice of you.
02:26:50.000 I have friends that I've brought on the road who assume that I'm in that position, too.
02:26:56.000 Oh, really?
02:26:57.000 Well, like, I didn't bring, I'm like, yeah, you know, I got you this week.
02:27:00.000 And then, like, they're just like, let's go out to eat.
02:27:02.000 Same thing.
02:27:03.000 And then the bill comes in and you're like, hey man, yours was 50 bucks.
02:27:07.000 What do you want to do?
02:27:08.000 They're like, I don't have 50 bucks.
02:27:10.000 That's ridiculous.
02:27:11.000 And what do you say?
02:27:13.000 Listen, bitch.
02:27:14.000 Yeah, I mean, you know, at a certain point you're just like, all right.
02:27:17.000 I'm not going to make a fucking scene out of it, unless it were like real significant.
02:27:22.000 I'm just like...
02:27:24.000 All right, man.
02:27:24.000 Good date.
02:27:26.000 So they just assumed that you were going to pay.
02:27:28.000 I've had that happen, for sure.
02:27:29.000 That's hilarious.
02:27:30.000 Of course.
02:27:31.000 That doesn't seem like something would be normal.
02:27:33.000 In fact, one of the reasons why I chose to do that from the get-go was all the people that would complain about being on the road with someone and how much money it would cost.
02:27:42.000 Oh, right, yeah.
02:27:43.000 Yeah, and we gotta pay for all my meals, so at the end of the day I don't make any money.
02:27:47.000 And I'm like, yeah, you know why you don't make any money?
02:27:48.000 Because you can't even eat your food you have at home.
02:27:50.000 You gotta eat out every meal.
02:27:52.000 Right.
02:27:53.000 And there's no reason for that, I think, if a guy's doing well.
02:27:57.000 Did you see about that guy, this is not a comic, but it was a video, it was a clip we played, On my podcast, on your mom's house, of the guy who's like, get your hands off my penis, that guy?
02:28:11.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:28:12.000 That guy.
02:28:13.000 My dad?
02:28:13.000 Is that my dad?
02:28:14.000 Is that your dad?
02:28:15.000 Yeah, it's so funny, though.
02:28:16.000 Get your hands off my penis?
02:28:17.000 Well, this guy, if you look at this guy, he's doing exactly what we're talking about.
02:28:22.000 He became famous for this in Australia, which is he would go out to five-star meals, like at restaurants.
02:28:28.000 And then when the bill came, he would just go, I don't have any money.
02:28:33.000 And they were like, what?
02:28:34.000 And they were like, I just don't have any money.
02:28:36.000 Like, I don't have any money.
02:28:39.000 And most of the time, they didn't want to create scenes in these places, so he'd get thrown out.
02:28:45.000 Sometimes he would fake a heart attack, and he'd call an ambulance.
02:28:49.000 So the priority was on getting him to a hospital.
02:28:54.000 He became the most famous guy for doing this, to the point where he had multiple court appearances, and judges would be like, you're a disgrace to humanity.
02:29:06.000 And he'd be like, I'm a terrible person, I know.
02:29:10.000 It's one of the funniest videos in the world.
02:29:12.000 Play it!
02:29:13.000 Play it!
02:29:13.000 This is him coming out of a restaurant.
02:29:29.000 Gentlemen, this is Democracy Manifest.
02:29:34.000 He's fighting against the cops.
02:29:36.000 Have a look at the headlock here.
02:29:37.000 See that chap over there?
02:29:38.000 Get your hand off my penis!
02:29:41.000 This is the bloke who got me on the penis before.
02:29:44.000 Why did you do this to me?
02:29:47.000 For what reason?
02:29:48.000 What is the charge?
02:29:49.000 Eating a meal?
02:29:50.000 A succulent Chinese meal.
02:29:53.000 Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir.
02:29:56.000 Oh, yes.
02:29:58.000 I see that you know your judo well.
02:30:02.000 Good one.
02:30:03.000 Know your judo well.
02:30:05.000 Are you waiting to receive my limp penis?
02:30:09.000 He's amazing!
02:30:13.000 Ta-da!
02:30:13.000 I love how it ends even.
02:30:16.000 Ta-da and farewell.
02:30:18.000 That guy was for the, you know, hundredth time.
02:30:21.000 They all knew him.
02:30:23.000 That's what was going on there.
02:30:24.000 They're like, you're the same fucking asshole.
02:30:27.000 What a crazy fuck.
02:30:28.000 But if you ran a restaurant, what a pain in the ass a guy like that would be.
02:30:31.000 A guy who takes advantage of other people being nice and the rules.
02:30:35.000 And he would also order extraordinary bottles of wine.
02:30:37.000 Of course.
02:30:38.000 Of course.
02:30:42.000 He probably also runs Red Lights.
02:30:43.000 It's not for me.
02:30:44.000 It's for you.
02:30:45.000 He's a chess master.
02:30:46.000 He is.
02:30:47.000 He was.
02:30:47.000 He's dead.
02:30:48.000 Really?
02:30:49.000 What's his name?
02:30:51.000 Oh, that guy died?
02:30:52.000 Yeah, he's died.
02:30:53.000 How'd he die?
02:30:54.000 I don't remember.
02:30:54.000 He died in 03, I think.
02:30:56.000 His last name, I think, was Doza.
02:30:58.000 D-O-U-Z-A. D-O-U-Z-A. I think so.
02:31:03.000 And they think he might have been, you know, mentally ill as well.
02:31:07.000 Oh, no way.
02:31:08.000 Robert.
02:31:08.000 He kind of reminds me of Robert.
02:31:10.000 It's D'Souza.
02:31:12.000 Okay.
02:31:12.000 D-S-O-U-S-A. A Hungarian guy.
02:31:16.000 Yeah.
02:31:17.000 In Australia.
02:31:19.000 Yeah.
02:31:20.000 That was his...
02:31:21.000 Succulent Chinese meal?
02:31:24.000 A succulent Chinese meal?
02:31:27.000 My penis?
02:31:28.000 I think that's the man.
02:31:30.000 Me and Tommy are going to be on the road.
02:31:31.000 Hold on a second.
02:31:32.000 Let's figure this out.
02:31:33.000 No, that's not the man.
02:31:34.000 I'm coming up with the wrong name.
02:31:35.000 Your wrong name?
02:31:36.000 Yeah, that's not him.
02:31:38.000 What does it say on that video you just played, Brian?
02:31:41.000 Let's see.
02:31:42.000 Man, Australian man.
02:31:43.000 Get your hands off my penis, man.
02:31:46.000 Hmm.
02:31:49.000 That's not the guy?
02:31:53.000 Not D'Souza.
02:32:00.000 Here it is.
02:32:02.000 I see the guy there.
02:32:06.000 It doesn't say in any of the videos on YouTube, at least, that I see.
02:32:11.000 I see the video on LiveLeak.
02:32:14.000 Item info.
02:32:17.000 Get your hands off my penis.
02:32:21.000 So apparently he was a chess master.
02:32:26.000 Paul Doza, right?
02:32:28.000 Yeah, Paul Charles Doza, dubbed the restaurant runner.
02:32:33.000 He was a chess master.
02:32:35.000 Wow.
02:32:36.000 Checkmate.
02:32:38.000 A former chef who dines at expensive restaurants and then pleads poverty has been convicted for the 54th time of refusing to pay for a meal.
02:32:49.000 Paul Charles Doza, he was only 48 there, dubbed the restaurant runner by local newspapers, was fined $180 on Monday for refusing to pay a $50 bill at a Chinese restaurant.
02:33:01.000 The following day, he dined out at the five-star Sheraton Wentworth Hotel, then told the staff that he could not pay the $48 check.
02:33:12.000 He was fined $200 for that offense on Wednesday.
02:33:22.000 Hmm.
02:33:24.000 Hmm.
02:33:26.000 He was a Hungarian master chess player and the leading junior drawing with Portich, etc., in between...
02:33:35.000 Oh, in Debrecen?
02:33:37.000 I don't even know how to say this.
02:33:38.000 In 1956. Wow.
02:33:41.000 This says that he sometimes...
02:33:43.000 He would eat, drink, say he was very ill, ask for an ambulance to be called.
02:33:48.000 Out of concern, they would take him.
02:33:50.000 But then one night, he was caught when the same ambulance driver picked him up from a different restaurant.
02:33:55.000 Oh, that's so funny.
02:33:57.000 And he sometimes rented a luxurious apartment paying advance rent, hired expensive furniture, I guess rented that, sold the furniture, and then disappeared.
02:34:08.000 Wow.
02:34:09.000 Yeah, there's people that don't play by the rules, man.
02:34:13.000 And there's people that are just fucking crazy, too.
02:34:15.000 Like, who knows?
02:34:16.000 I mean, this guy easily could have been some sort of a sociopath.
02:34:19.000 He could have been just completely nuts.
02:34:22.000 It's funny, though, that someone would be a chess master, and that would be something they would be into doing.
02:34:27.000 Can I get the check, mate?
02:34:28.000 I mean, if you can deal with the actual shame of being told that you're a delinquent and you're not paying, if you can deal with that, you've just got an amazing meal that you can never afford.
02:34:39.000 You just keep doing it over and over again, and it doesn't bother you in the slightest.
02:34:43.000 Oh, yeah.
02:34:44.000 You know what I saw that's fucking hilarious?
02:34:47.000 The World's End.
02:34:49.000 Oh yeah, Simon.
02:34:50.000 The new pub crawl, Simon Pegg.
02:34:51.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:34:52.000 Fucking funny movie, dude.
02:34:54.000 Those guys are always great together.
02:34:56.000 That was his best one.
02:34:57.000 I liked Shaun of the Dead.
02:34:58.000 Shaun of the Dead was good.
02:34:59.000 This was better.
02:35:00.000 This was really fucking funny.
02:35:02.000 It was really good, man.
02:35:04.000 It was interesting.
02:35:05.000 It's like, I don't want to say too much, I don't want to give it away, but it's like two different movies.
02:35:09.000 It's like you're watching one movie, and then all of a sudden the movie changes.
02:35:12.000 Sort of like with Dust Till Dawn.
02:35:14.000 You remember in the beginning of Dust Till Dawn, like, super serious action thriller, and then it becomes this wacky, zany vampire movie?
02:35:21.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:35:22.000 This is not quite as extreme, but two very distinctly different films.
02:35:29.000 And fucking great, man.
02:35:31.000 It's great.
02:35:32.000 I really enjoy the shit out of it.
02:35:34.000 I laughed out loud, like, really hard a couple of times.
02:35:37.000 Is it in the theater right now?
02:35:38.000 Yes, yes.
02:35:39.000 It's right now.
02:35:40.000 I laughed, like, really, like, like, good stuff, man.
02:35:45.000 I really like him.
02:35:46.000 I like the other guy, too, the big guy.
02:35:47.000 Oh, the big guy was amazing.
02:35:48.000 He steals the movie.
02:35:49.000 The big guy's the shit.
02:35:51.000 Yeah.
02:35:51.000 Yeah, it was incredible, man.
02:35:52.000 It was incredible.
02:35:53.000 And they're always together.
02:35:54.000 Those two make a lot of movies together, right?
02:35:56.000 They're always doing stuff together.
02:35:57.000 Yeah.
02:35:58.000 Yeah.
02:35:59.000 Because they did Shaun of the Dead.
02:36:02.000 What was the one they did with the, um...
02:36:04.000 It was like...
02:36:05.000 Hot Fuzz.
02:36:06.000 Hot Fuzz.
02:36:07.000 Yeah, that's when there was like the killer, right?
02:36:09.000 I love that movie.
02:36:10.000 I love all those movies.
02:36:11.000 Yeah.
02:36:11.000 Shaun of My Dead is one of my favorite movies.
02:36:12.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker.
02:36:14.000 The guy's just funny.
02:36:15.000 Yeah.
02:36:15.000 He's just funny.
02:36:16.000 I mean, his sensibilities, he's just really good at being funny.
02:36:19.000 Yeah.
02:36:19.000 You know, for whatever reason.
02:36:20.000 What's funny though, when I put it on Twitter, everybody was like, don't you mean this is the end?
02:36:25.000 Right.
02:36:25.000 Like the same, it's really similar.
02:36:28.000 Seth Rogen.
02:36:28.000 Seth Rogen.
02:36:28.000 They're like correcting me.
02:36:30.000 I'm like, no fuckheads.
02:36:31.000 Yeah.
02:36:31.000 I want to see that also, though.
02:36:33.000 Yeah, that looks good.
02:36:34.000 I heard good things about that.
02:36:35.000 I haven't seen any of that.
02:36:36.000 Yeah, it looks good.
02:36:37.000 James Franco, is that right?
02:36:38.000 Yeah, James Franco.
02:36:39.000 They have a lot of cameos in that.
02:36:42.000 Oh, yeah?
02:36:43.000 Yeah, a lot.
02:36:43.000 Well, I mean, Craig Robinson, that whole crew, Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, all the guys that you've seen in those movies separately all make appearances, I think.
02:36:53.000 Why are so many chess players crazy?
02:36:55.000 I was just thinking about that.
02:36:57.000 Somebody put up a photo of Bobby Fischer.
02:36:59.000 Wasn't he nuts?
02:37:00.000 Oh my god.
02:37:01.000 He was like crazy racist too, right?
02:37:03.000 Anti-Semite, like big time.
02:37:06.000 Anti-Semite.
02:37:06.000 What's that about?
02:37:07.000 I just had a whole thing about like he hated Jews and then they found out that he was actually...
02:37:16.000 Part Jewish?
02:37:16.000 Jewish in origin, yeah.
02:37:17.000 Yeah.
02:37:20.000 Yeah.
02:37:21.000 So he's trying to throw them off the tracks?
02:37:23.000 Yeah.
02:37:23.000 Sort of like how Ted Haggard would talk bad about gay people?
02:37:25.000 Yeah.
02:37:26.000 But he wasn't like...
02:37:27.000 He wasn't...
02:37:28.000 The older he got, I think the crazier Fisher got, he wasn't even subtle about it, man.
02:37:32.000 He was very much like, well...
02:37:34.000 I think there's also an issue with a guy like Bobby Fischer that he's just so fucking smart and so crazy.
02:37:40.000 Too smart for his own good.
02:37:41.000 Have you ever seen those videos?
02:37:42.000 Brian, see if you can pull this up.
02:37:43.000 Where Bobby Fischer would play multiple games of chess simultaneously.
02:37:47.000 He would walk in a room and they would all be playing and he would walk down the aisle and make his moves at like 16 different tables at the same time.
02:37:56.000 He was playing them all in his head at the same time.
02:37:59.000 He was playing them all.
02:38:00.000 He had all the games calculated up in his head.
02:38:04.000 Running simultaneously.
02:38:06.000 All he did was chess, man.
02:38:07.000 That hurts my dick.
02:38:09.000 It hurts my dick.
02:38:09.000 I feel it in my dick.
02:38:12.000 From the tip to the base.
02:38:14.000 It's too much work.
02:38:15.000 I can't do this craziness.
02:38:17.000 When I see someone who's just completely engulfed by something like that, that's just like some super master that's completely engulfed in something like chess, it kind of freaks me out.
02:38:27.000 Yeah, it's scary.
02:38:28.000 It freaks me out.
02:38:29.000 I don't know where the...
02:38:30.000 I searched for multiple chess games, Bobby Fischer.
02:38:33.000 That's not it, because you don't watch the actual game itself.
02:38:36.000 You watch him walking into a room, and he's playing all these games at the same time.
02:38:42.000 There's a great documentary about him.
02:38:44.000 You look up multiple simultaneous pool games?
02:38:47.000 I put Bobby Fischer, multiple chess games.
02:38:51.000 Who took him in in the end?
02:38:53.000 I think it was Iceland or something.
02:38:56.000 Iceland?
02:38:57.000 Someone did, right?
02:38:57.000 Somebody gave him, yeah.
02:38:58.000 Oh, okay.
02:38:59.000 Kasparov.
02:39:00.000 Pull up Kasparov.
02:39:01.000 You can find him doing it.
02:39:03.000 Kasparov simultaneous chess game.
02:39:06.000 There's Kasparov walking in a room.
02:39:10.000 He's another super genius.
02:39:12.000 Yeah.
02:39:12.000 And there's like a gang of people here.
02:39:14.000 Oh, yeah.
02:39:15.000 It's crazy, man.
02:39:17.000 This guy's just walking down this huge table with all these geniuses.
02:39:20.000 They have notebooks and pencils and shit.
02:39:23.000 They're all studying each move.
02:39:25.000 And Kasparov walks in and, like, literally within seconds he's made a move.
02:39:30.000 Look at this.
02:39:30.000 Boom.
02:39:31.000 Oh, bitch, you're dead.
02:39:32.000 You're fucked.
02:39:33.000 Here, let me fuck that.
02:39:35.000 What are you going to do here?
02:39:35.000 You ain't going to do shit, bitch.
02:39:37.000 Suck on that.
02:39:38.000 Hmm, what about this?
02:39:39.000 Oh, you can go fuck yourself.
02:39:40.000 And how about...
02:39:41.000 Oh, bitch, are you crazy?
02:39:42.000 Oh, I see what you're doing.
02:39:43.000 Bam!
02:39:44.000 Slam!
02:39:45.000 Checkmate!
02:39:45.000 Suck it!
02:39:46.000 Wow, this is like dozens of people he's playing.
02:39:48.000 Insane.
02:39:49.000 Yeah.
02:39:50.000 And Kasparov would just do this on a regular basis.
02:39:54.000 It's multiple tables of people.
02:39:55.000 Yeah, three huge, long tables of people.
02:39:58.000 And he looks over each chessboard no more than 15 seconds.
02:40:03.000 He just looks at him and goes, oh, this is actually a long one.
02:40:05.000 Look at this one.
02:40:07.000 He's got a huge boner.
02:40:08.000 His dick's getting hard as fuck.
02:40:10.000 He's playing a guy that's good.
02:40:11.000 The guy must be good.
02:40:12.000 Yeah.
02:40:13.000 Look, he's paused.
02:40:14.000 He has to pause.
02:40:16.000 He moved.
02:40:16.000 Oh, shit.
02:40:17.000 There's a little kid right here.
02:40:18.000 He's like, not that good, fuckface.
02:40:20.000 Look at that kid.
02:40:20.000 Like, how are you, little fuck?
02:40:23.000 I wonder if there's a limit.
02:40:25.000 I wonder if he gets like a hundred tables and his fucking head explodes.
02:40:29.000 There's a certain amount of tables he could do.
02:40:31.000 But is he just like...
02:40:33.000 I don't play chess, only Chinese triggers, but when he looks at it, is it like a math equation almost to him?
02:40:39.000 Is he really thinking it in his head or is it something that he can just look at the table and go, alright, I see what's going on here.
02:40:45.000 A guy at that level has played thousands of chess games, like many thousands, and knows...
02:40:53.000 The possibilities.
02:40:55.000 His level is like, he has played them.
02:40:57.000 He's also done them himself.
02:41:00.000 Like, I want to try this route.
02:41:01.000 And that is like, it's a map to him, for sure.
02:41:04.000 He sees the whole thing and goes, I know how this can go.
02:41:08.000 I'm going to do this.
02:41:09.000 Yeah, I agree.
02:41:10.000 It seems like there's a certain level that they get where they see things just completely differently.
02:41:14.000 Totally.
02:41:15.000 And then you and I would, it's almost like gridded out for him.
02:41:18.000 He sees the possibilities play out.
02:41:22.000 There's also games where they play three chess games simultaneously.
02:41:25.000 It's like a separate board.
02:41:27.000 Have you ever seen that?
02:41:28.000 Uh-uh.
02:41:30.000 I've seen a much larger board, and three different sets of pieces are all going at it at the same time.
02:41:38.000 Yeah.
02:41:39.000 I don't know.
02:41:40.000 I don't want to do that.
02:41:41.000 All of it.
02:41:42.000 It's just too much, man.
02:41:43.000 There's not enough time in the world.
02:41:45.000 I would like to see chess masters versus how much pussy they get, like on a chart.
02:41:50.000 Like how great you have to be, like Kasparov at his best, how little pussy he was getting.
02:41:56.000 You can't be getting any.
02:41:58.000 You're not getting any.
02:41:59.000 Well, we would like to think they don't get any.
02:42:01.000 We would like to think, as men who can't play chess, we'd be like, yeah, but he ain't getting any pussy.
02:42:05.000 Yeah.
02:42:06.000 That would help us, right?
02:42:07.000 Yeah, I would feel better about that.
02:42:09.000 Yeah, I don't want him to think that he's way smarter than me and he gets a lot of pussy.
02:42:14.000 I think he...
02:42:15.000 I think a guy, though, at that level, with what he's doing, his time to indulge in his interest of pussy is not that great.
02:42:24.000 Well, I think he's probably such a bad motherfucker, too.
02:42:27.000 He probably can't even talk to regular people.
02:42:28.000 Yeah, right, exactly.
02:42:29.000 Like, if he was gay and he had to fuck you, the conversation he would have with you would be like, Jesus Christ.
02:42:34.000 Yeah.
02:42:35.000 You just shut up and suck it.
02:42:36.000 Tired of talking to you, Tom.
02:42:37.000 You don't know shit and I don't care about football.
02:42:39.000 I have a hundred games going on right now in the basement.
02:42:41.000 They're waiting for me.
02:42:42.000 Suck my cock.
02:42:43.000 It's just a biological function, right?
02:42:44.000 I just gotta empty this load right now.
02:42:47.000 Well, you know, that was the story of Nikola Tesla.
02:42:50.000 Nikola Tesla allegedly destroyed his sexuality.
02:42:53.000 That was the quote.
02:42:55.000 And the idea was that he got so flabbergasted by a relationship that he was having.
02:43:01.000 It was so emotionally taxing that he decided to just kill his dick.
02:43:06.000 Really?
02:43:06.000 Yeah.
02:43:07.000 Do you shock it?
02:43:08.000 I don't know.
02:43:09.000 It's an ambiguous term that he used, that he killed his sexuality.
02:43:14.000 You don't think guys like Kasparov and Fischer are connected with girls who are like, you're really good at chess.
02:43:19.000 Maybe.
02:43:20.000 Maybe.
02:43:21.000 They're really good.
02:43:22.000 That's how you do all those moves.
02:43:25.000 Totally beat him.
02:43:28.000 I need to find that quote because it's a really weird quote.
02:43:33.000 His sexual desire.
02:43:36.000 Yeah, he was a weird guy, man.
02:43:39.000 But the other thing about Nikola Tesla, man, is that he was so fucking smart, you would have to be crazy to be that smart.
02:43:47.000 I mean, there's really no way around it.
02:43:50.000 Yeah, I think everybody, all these guys, Fisher, all these guys were, they were, what is it, like, savants?
02:43:58.000 Yeah.
02:43:59.000 They weren't, you know, they couldn't.
02:44:01.000 Have regular conversations.
02:44:03.000 Well, Tesla also had some strange quote about pulling signals from other worlds.
02:44:09.000 He was receiving communication from other worlds and was getting some ideas from other worlds.
02:44:15.000 He had a really bizarre mind.
02:44:19.000 But the thing about it is you can't deny the effectiveness of it.
02:44:23.000 It's real weird when someone is an obvious, genuine, 100% bonafide super genius to the point where a guy like me can't even understand how this guy could come up with so many patents.
02:44:36.000 I mean, he had so many fucking patents.
02:44:39.000 So many different light and illumination-based systems designed by Tesla.
02:44:45.000 Dynamic electric machine communicators.
02:44:48.000 The first patterns issued to Tesla in the US. He just did amazing shit.
02:44:54.000 He developed alternating current.
02:44:55.000 Before that, it was just direct current.
02:44:57.000 You couldn't have a toaster and a car plugged into the same port.
02:45:02.000 Oh, and he designed it so that...
02:45:03.000 He designed alternate current so that it would work with different shit.
02:45:07.000 Do you think that, like, the reason...
02:45:10.000 We are designed so that it doesn't frustrate us how much smarter people like that are.
02:45:16.000 Yes.
02:45:17.000 Yeah, like with the math thing that we were talking about.
02:45:19.000 I think there's a giant spectrum of human beings, first of all.
02:45:23.000 And I think that there's a reason why personalities vary so much.
02:45:26.000 I think it's part of the whole machine that keeps society moving.
02:45:29.000 It's like there has to be jokers and there have to be serious people and there have to be people that are obsessive about things and there have to be people who are lazy.
02:45:38.000 There's had to be people that accept shitty jobs and people that want the best of everything always, and they have this insatiable desire to get the most expensive car and the most expensive wife.
02:45:48.000 They're almost like machines pushing entropy.
02:45:51.000 They're almost like machines pushing momentum.
02:45:53.000 And it's like these various different variations in personality from the full spectrum of incredibly lazy to insanely ambitious.
02:46:01.000 It's almost like that's important, that it all mixes together and it acts like a machine.
02:46:06.000 You know, that's what I think.
02:46:08.000 I mean, it makes sense to me that everything that we see is natural.
02:46:13.000 All behavior is natural, whether it's behavior in wolves or honeybees or, you know, coyotes, whatever it is.
02:46:19.000 Behavior of animals is natural, including almost all the behavior that human beings exhibit.
02:46:24.000 Including materialism.
02:46:25.000 And then it's almost like materialism is just another way that we can show our peacock feathers and our domination outside of actual physical contests and fighting.
02:46:35.000 And that we figured out this variable where a guy does not have to be handsome, does not have to be Have great genetics, but if he's got a brilliant mind, like a Bill Gates type character, he could rise to the top and be one of the sexiest catches a woman could ever hope for.
02:46:51.000 You know how many supermodels would love to go out with Bill Gates?
02:46:53.000 Oh my goodness.
02:46:54.000 If Bill Gates was single, let's just say if Bill Gates was single, and he just decided, you know what, I'm 70, it's time to sling dick.
02:47:00.000 And Bill Gates just went on a goddamn tear.
02:47:03.000 If he could get the hottest, most perfect women, and they would be flabbergasted that they were with Bill Gates, like, oh my god, I can't believe it.
02:47:12.000 I want to be yours, honey.
02:47:13.000 Baby, I don't care about looks.
02:47:15.000 It's what's important to me.
02:47:16.000 It's personality.
02:47:17.000 And you're so amazing.
02:47:18.000 And you're so kind to me.
02:47:19.000 He just wants to cuddle with him and take cock and diamonds.
02:47:23.000 And just get diamonds every day.
02:47:24.000 New diamonds and diamonds here.
02:47:25.000 And everything is made of diamonds.
02:47:27.000 Your whole house is diamonds.
02:47:28.000 And forget to take the pill pretty often.
02:47:31.000 Whoopsies!
02:47:31.000 Got another baby coming!
02:47:33.000 Whoopsies!
02:47:33.000 Yeah, awesome insurance policy.
02:47:35.000 Load, load.
02:47:36.000 Yeah, but that's part of this whole evolutionary system.
02:47:40.000 It's almost like it's designed that way.
02:47:42.000 It's designed as being another outlet.
02:47:44.000 You can get the Laird Hamilton thing, where you're just like this beautiful man, this gigantic...
02:47:48.000 Or, you know, it could be Wozniak, you know, because...
02:47:52.000 Wozniak, little chubby guy with a billion dollars in the bank.
02:47:56.000 Sure.
02:47:56.000 You know, it makes him quite attractive.
02:47:58.000 Oh my God, I'm so into circuits.
02:47:59.000 Yeah.
02:48:00.000 It's weird.
02:48:01.000 It's these weird variations of what makes someone attractive.
02:48:05.000 And these weird variations in personality that sort of push, you know, the whole machine, the whole machine of culture.
02:48:12.000 Materialism also applies to, like, your sense of self-worth, you know?
02:48:17.000 You get things for yourself to make yourself feel, to pump yourself up, you know?
02:48:22.000 Yeah.
02:48:22.000 This is an expensive thing, I got it, therefore people will associate me with this thing.
02:48:28.000 Dude, Tesla invented x-rays.
02:48:33.000 Investigating...
02:48:34.000 Did you really?
02:48:34.000 Yeah, that's my shit.
02:48:36.000 That's your shit.
02:48:37.000 Tesla may have been the first person in North America to accidentally capture an x-ray image.
02:48:41.000 When he tried to photograph Mark Twain illuminated by an earlier type of gas discharge tube, the Geiser tube in 1895, the only thing captured in the image was the metal locking screw on the camera lens.
02:48:56.000 Soon after much of Tesla's early research, hundreds of invention models, plans, notes, laboratory ideas, tools, photographs, valued at $50,000 was lost in the Fifth Avenue Laboratory Fire of 1895. Oh, my God.
02:49:08.000 Laboratory fire.
02:49:09.000 Wink, wink.
02:49:11.000 Yeah.
02:49:11.000 They came in, torched that place, stole his notes, created X-rays.
02:49:15.000 Yeah.
02:49:16.000 He's worth a lot of money.
02:49:17.000 He probably got ganked many times over.
02:49:19.000 For sure.
02:49:20.000 Yeah, it's incredible.
02:49:21.000 Incredible.
02:49:22.000 Yeah, he had something to do with the invention of radio waves, too.
02:49:25.000 Jesus, man.
02:49:27.000 A radio, rather.
02:49:28.000 I think he had the first radio-controlled, remote-controlled car, or a boat.
02:49:34.000 He had a remote-controlled boat.
02:49:36.000 Yeah, 1898, Tesla demonstrated a remote-controlled boat.
02:49:40.000 1898, dude.
02:49:42.000 I mean, what the fuck?
02:49:44.000 He called it tele-automation.
02:49:49.000 Incredible.
02:49:49.000 It was in Madison Square Garden.
02:49:52.000 He demonstrated his electric radio-controlled boat in Madison Square Garden.
02:49:58.000 That's what a big deal it was.
02:49:59.000 The guy had a remote-controlled boat, and everybody was like...
02:50:04.000 That's so long ago to come up with that.
02:50:07.000 It is incredible.
02:50:08.000 Incredible.
02:50:09.000 He invented a lot of shit.
02:50:11.000 That's like a fucking spaceship to those people.
02:50:12.000 He was also in love with a pigeon.
02:50:14.000 Really?
02:50:15.000 Yeah, he was in love with his pigeon.
02:50:17.000 He like had a special relationship with a pigeon.
02:50:19.000 Like Iron Mike?
02:50:20.000 I think it's different.
02:50:22.000 Reincarnated.
02:50:22.000 Who's Iron Mike?
02:50:23.000 Tyson?
02:50:24.000 Oh, Tyson?
02:50:24.000 Yeah, no.
02:50:25.000 I think his relationship with the pigeon might have been more romantic.
02:50:29.000 Oh, like a flashlight that flies away when it's gone.
02:50:34.000 A flashlight pigeon.
02:50:36.000 Go clean yourself in the pool.
02:50:38.000 Yeah, he had a lot of weird shit with pigeons.
02:50:42.000 Really?
02:50:43.000 It's such a unique one to be down for.
02:50:46.000 Yeah, I love that pigeon as a man loves a woman, and she loved me.
02:50:51.000 As long as I had her, there was a purpose to my life.
02:50:55.000 Yeah, that's spelled out right there.
02:50:57.000 He became a vegetarian in his later years, living on only milk, bread, honey, and vegetable juices.
02:51:03.000 What about bird feed?
02:51:04.000 No bird feed.
02:51:05.000 That's sad.
02:51:06.000 That's for his pigeon.
02:51:08.000 He loves one.
02:51:09.000 He bought injured pigeons back to his hotel room to nurse back to health.
02:51:13.000 So he's basically kind of a crazy guy.
02:51:15.000 He lived in a hotel.
02:51:16.000 He really couldn't, like, take care of himself.
02:51:18.000 He was just a duddy dude.
02:51:20.000 Got some pigeons.
02:51:21.000 Made a lot of shit.
02:51:22.000 Brian, you're like a pigeon.
02:51:23.000 Made a lot of cool shit.
02:51:24.000 You're a pigeon.
02:51:24.000 Listen, there's no need to be mean to each other.
02:51:27.000 Alright, this podcast, basically over.
02:51:29.000 If you love Tommy Buns like I love Tommy Buns and you live in Toronto, tough shit sold out.
02:51:35.000 Damn.
02:51:35.000 Last I checked, there was very little tickets.
02:51:38.000 Really?
02:51:38.000 Yeah.
02:51:39.000 A smittering, a handful.
02:51:41.000 But it'll be me, Tommy Buns, and Brian Callen Thursday night.
02:51:45.000 And I just signed up to do the Comedy and Magic Club.
02:51:49.000 Next weekend, the 27th and the 28th.
02:51:51.000 Big fun.
02:51:52.000 I love Mike.
02:51:53.000 It's great.
02:51:54.000 The guy owns that place.
02:51:55.000 Hermosa Beach, baby.
02:51:56.000 And then after that, I'm at the Ontario Improv.
02:51:59.000 I got a lot of shit happening, people.
02:52:01.000 I'm trying to do a lot of stand-up now.
02:52:02.000 I'm really enjoying the shit out of it now that my TV show's done.
02:52:05.000 I feel a weight is lifted off my shoulders.
02:52:07.000 A breath of fresh air under my wings like a butterfly.
02:52:10.000 I'm sore.
02:52:11.000 Nice.
02:52:11.000 Tommy buns.
02:52:12.000 Yeah, you can fly now.
02:52:13.000 I'm fucking excited.
02:52:14.000 That's going to be awesome.
02:52:16.000 I'm going to go with Brian next week.
02:52:17.000 This band.
02:52:18.000 That's right.
02:52:19.000 To Columbus, Ohio.
02:52:20.000 The number one new gay spot on Earth.
02:52:23.000 We're going to do a gay show.
02:52:24.000 The bear has landed.
02:52:25.000 It's going to be fun.
02:52:26.000 We're going to be with Tony Hinchcliffe and Christina.
02:52:28.000 Yeah.
02:52:28.000 It's going to be a huge show.
02:52:29.000 And then Christina and I go do a bunch of like one night.
02:52:32.000 Where's your website so they can find the dates?
02:52:34.000 TomSegura.com.
02:52:36.000 TomSegura.com.
02:52:37.000 Going everywhere.
02:52:38.000 Nashville, Birmingham, Charlotte, Atlanta.
02:52:40.000 All over the world, bitches.
02:52:42.000 All over the world.
02:52:44.000 Worldwide.
02:52:45.000 Um...
02:52:46.000 The Tomorrow podcast, Matt Fultron.
02:52:49.000 He'll be in tomorrow at the full charge.
02:52:51.000 And then Wednesday, Kathleen Madigan.
02:52:53.000 And then Thursday, we'll see you Fox North of the Border.
02:52:55.000 Alright, we love the shit out of you.
02:52:57.000 And we'll see you soon.
02:52:58.000 Big goes.