In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, the boys talk about the benefits of having a website, why you should have one, and why you shouldn t be stuck in your house. Plus, a story about a guy who has butt sex in his house and it's not a good one. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The theme song is Come Alone by Suneaters, courtesy of Lotuspool Records. All rights reserved. Used w/ permission. This episode was produced by Riley Bray and edited by Alex Blumberg. Special thanks to our sponsor, Squarespace. Use code JRE10 for 10% off your first purchase on new accounts. Includes monthly and annual plans. If you need help creating your own website, you ll get 24/7, super fast support and live online chat support. You ll get a discount on your first month of service when you sign up. We're also going to give you a $10 credit when you enter the code: "JRE10" at checkout. Thanks to Stamps. Stamps is a wonderful resource for sending things through the mail. They provide you with a digital scale that you can weigh your stuff and make on stamps. It's not only weigh your shit, but then you can make your stuff on stamps, too. Don't forget to use the offer code: JRERE10! to get free shipping on your stuff. Joe Rogans podcast, and then you'll get a $100 discount. and a FREE shipping discount when you use that code: code "Joe and the Number 10" when you do that! and they'll give you $55 of Stamps, and you get $110 of free shipping. And they'll send you a bag full of stuff through Stamps and a $55 worth of free postage, plus an extra $55 in the U.S. They'll also give you an extra 10%10% off the entire day of shipping and a freebie, plus free shipping, plus they'll also gets you an entire bag of free of postage, they'll get you a whole bag of stuff like that. you get it all that and a whole day's worth of postage and a bunch of stuff that you get a chance to use that in the mail, too!
00:02:30.000It works on Android phones, works on Windows, works on a Mac, works on different browsers, which was always the big thing when you had a fucking website.
00:02:38.000Like some asshole has to try to break out like Netscape.
00:02:40.000Use your shit on Netscape and it comes out of boxes that are fucking stacked on top of each other.
00:02:45.000By the way, none of the websites created during the making of this podcast reflect reality.
00:04:07.000They provide you with a digital scale.
00:04:09.000If you use the offer code JRE, there's like an old-timey microphone up in the upper right-hand corner.
00:04:14.000You click on that and enter in the code word JRE And when you do that, they'll give you a $110 special offer, which includes $55 of free postage and a free digital scale that you are not allowed to weigh mushrooms on.
00:05:29.000I've talked to quite a few people that sell things and send them through the mail on stamps.com because the postman actually comes to your house, you give them the packages, and you're diggity-diggity done.
00:05:39.000That's what Tommy and Christine do to sell all their shit.
00:07:05.000All these things that promote functional strength as well as all the different healthy supplements and foods that we eat.
00:07:12.000We're just trying to sell you the best shit possible for increasing human cognition, for recovering quicker, for keeping your body healthy, for strengthening your immune system.
00:08:49.000What I was going to say is that you guys, when we were talking in the commercials, you guys, like, are the only comedian couple that I know where it actually works.
00:09:02.000Because, you know, when someone says, well, you know, all these men are angry this, or all these women are angry that, or, you know, this is that, and that...
00:09:09.000Well, comedians, they can never get along together.
00:09:18.000It's always like, either the girl's funnier than the guy, or the guy's funnier than the girl, and there's always this weird fucking resentment thing.
00:09:24.000You guys are the only ones that I know that actually pull it off.
00:10:46.000It's like a lot of people when they do asshole as shit, while they're doing the asshole as shit, they're barely even aware that they're doing it.
00:11:37.000Because usually when you're jealous of something someone else is doing, it's because you want that thing and maybe you're not doing what you need to be doing.
00:11:46.000There's a lot of that for sure, but I think there's a few elements.
00:11:49.000I think there's also just a natural competitive element that a lot of people have to fight off that they don't realize this person is not your enemy just because this person is winning.
00:11:58.000This person is not your enemy because they're ahead of you in this race.
00:12:03.000If you decide to create a gang of enemies for everybody, you can do it.
00:12:09.000Or you can have a gang of friends and just inspire each other.
00:12:13.000That's totally possible as well with the same group of people if everybody gets their shit together.
00:12:18.000Yeah, we were just talking about kind of the atmosphere that you fostered by being supportive of other comedians, and that's actually very rare.
00:12:26.000I don't think a lot of people are secure enough to do that, and it's awesome.
00:12:31.000What we were talking about is indicative of truly successful people try to make other people, inspire other people to be successful.
00:13:50.000Like, if you're a black belt in comedy...
00:13:51.000It's the equivalent to the counter to the over-committed kimura, the far side arm bar.
00:13:56.000Like if you're doing jujitsu and a guy tries to commit to a kimura but he doesn't have control of his body, you spin around and you take the far side arm bar.
00:14:03.000It's a standard move if you know jujitsu.
00:14:35.000He doesn't go there as much anymore, but for a long time, every time I would go to Hermosa Beach, he used to live really close to the club.
00:14:56.000But my point was that I see a guy like that and I get totally fired up to work.
00:15:02.000I get fired up to create, like when I see someone have a new set, like if a new guy comes in town, like Chappelle used to come to the store all the time and he would come and I'd watch them do like an hour and just, God, I want to go right.
00:16:52.000The sheer volume of shit that's on the internet now.
00:16:56.000I've been, you know, writing this bit, or been doing this bit on stage lately about the evolution of porn from when I was a child, but it's just...
00:17:06.000It's hard for me to stop and think about a time where nothing came to you from the internet.
00:19:41.000Yeah, I think that's probably a lot of it, right?
00:19:44.000I did a joke about it on my Thrilled CD about 80s porn, and then a porn star heard it and wrote to me from the 80s, and she was like, yeah, when we did porn back then, it was like we were like a fam, not, you know,
00:20:00.000incestuous, but it was like we all did it, and you were buddies with the sound guy, almost like, what's that fucking movie?
00:20:46.000Back in the day, everyone had their porn stars, like their Jenna James and stuff.
00:20:50.000Nowadays, there's so many girls doing it because of cam sites and stuff like that, that seems like it's just diluted the whole entire waters of...
00:20:59.000And the tube sites have been crushing that business, from what I understand.
00:21:03.000What's funny because that business is a legit business.
00:21:06.000It was making billions of dollars a year.
00:22:28.000They're a bore of violence and why they hate, you know...
00:22:33.000All the evil aspects of life, like war.
00:22:36.000The reason why all that is because I think the human mind as a whole recognizes that it's operating on some really old ideas that it doesn't need to do anymore.
00:22:44.000And eventually we're going to move towards a point where there's some sort of complete consolidation of the human race as far as our ability to communicate with each other.
00:25:36.000Back then it was much more secretive, and you know, when Constantine and all those bishops got together and created the New Testament, you know, they got to decide.
00:25:43.000People got to decide what stays in, what goes out.
00:25:46.000You know, they got to decide what they put in and say, it's just, come on.
00:25:50.000But it makes you want, like, when you go, because you hear a lot of, you know, people obviously be hypercritical of Scientology, and you go, this is absurd.
00:25:58.000You know, they criticize everything about it, and you go, well, if you go back, you know, how is your thing more valuable?
00:26:05.000The Catholic Church was tithing people.
00:26:07.000You're talking about angels and saints.
00:26:16.000That's the only argument, is that it's way older.
00:26:18.000There's a new scholar that claims, or a new published work by the scholar that claims that Jesus was a creation, and that the Romans made him up as a hoax.
00:26:30.000He's the author of a book entitled Caesar's Messiah, the Roman Conspiracy to Invent Jesus.
00:26:36.000It asserts that Christianity did not begin as a religion but was actually a sophisticated government propaganda exercise used to pacify subjects of the Roman Empire.
00:26:46.000His take on Jesus is not new, apparently.
00:26:49.000In 1844, Karl Marx famously declared religion as the opiate of the masses.
00:26:54.000History is filled with skeptics, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:26:57.000It's based on what he described as an important, revealing parallels between a first-person account of first-century Judea, which was an ancient Roman province, now a part of Israel and Palestine, and the New Testament.
00:27:13.000Sequence of events, locations in Jesus' ministry are more or less the same as the sequence of events and locations of the military campaign of Emperor Titus Flavius, as described by Josephus.
00:27:26.000Atwill wrote in a blog on his website.
00:27:29.000Isn't it cool that they were like Josephus?
00:28:59.000They send you these things in the mail.
00:29:01.000They would send you these things in the mail constantly, like some new thing and some new offer, and come down here and get a personality test.
00:29:10.000And someone who is just 94, someone who would buy one of those books because trying to get your shit together, those are the type of people that you would really want to target.
00:29:20.000If you want to have a nice group of people that you can control.
00:29:25.000The vulnerable when you're at your lowest, right?
00:29:27.000I was in San Diego filming a show, and right by where we were filming, there was one of those personality tests, stress tests, and an e-meter.
00:30:53.000Well, you know, I think the deal with Scientology or anything where a lot of successful people are a part of it, though, like John Travolta and Tom Cruise, and Tom Cruise especially is a very ultra-successful movie star and obviously a very driven guy.
00:31:09.000So you see him being a part of something like that and you go, oh, well this is obviously doing this guy like a lot of good.
00:31:15.000He's super confident and he's like really positive and radiant with his smile.
00:31:20.000And you're like, well, if it works for this guy.
00:31:24.000I mean, if it works for him, like maybe it's not so bad because you don't see like any Mormons that are like super ultra pumped to be a fucking Mormon.
00:31:39.000When Fuckhead was running for president, when Romney was running for president, and it came out that not, was he just Mormon, but he was from a sect that broke away from the United States because they wanted polygamy.
00:36:09.000And he's like, the minute I got under a fence, the guy that he was with got trapped under the fence and died immediately, was electrocuted to death.
00:36:16.000And he goes, the minute I knew I got out of North Korea, I knew that I had signed my family's death warrant.
00:36:21.000Because now they go after your family.
00:36:23.000They put them in that, what's that, their area, what is it?
00:36:52.000Well, you would have to fucking free these people, first of all, and then you would have to slowly sort of re-indoctrinate them to the idea of freedom.
00:37:00.000They're in one of the last great dictatorships, and it's 2013. With the internet and everything, and with your neighbor to the south, who used to be connected to you, used to be your former countryman...
00:37:12.000Or banging out cell phones and TVs and fucking massive electronics and cars and constructing things.
00:37:20.000And all you bitches have your lights out at night because you can't keep your electricity on.
00:37:24.000Like, if you wanted to see what works and what doesn't work as far as happiness and a good population, you need to look no further than South Korea and North Korea.
00:37:32.000There's the difference between living in a dictatorship and living in a democracy in the same country, the same patch of land.
00:37:45.000And it's sort of what we were talking about earlier, about, like, the ideas of being generous and helping and loving or being a fucking weirdo who's trying to control everything.
00:39:03.000I see the logic in controlling our economy and not allowing people in because it allows you to maintain at least one area and try to keep it viable.
00:39:14.000But the idea that somebody should be locked out just because they shit out of luck and were born in some terrible impoverished town in Mexico and that they can't ever get out of there and come up to where it's awesome.
00:39:27.000That seems to me like the only reason why that would exist is because we, as humans, think that the idea of managing the whole world is just too daunting a task.
00:39:37.000So we have to block it off in little chunks, apply philosophies in those chunks, and then enforce the borders.
00:40:03.000We would have to get over a lot of shit, though.
00:40:04.000And we'd have to strengthen impoverished areas.
00:40:07.000There's got to be a lot of money in rebuilding shitty neighborhoods, just like there's a lot of money in rebuilding things they blow up in Iraq.
00:40:13.000Yeah, I was just going to say, look at Iraq.
00:40:14.000I don't know if it's a success or not.
00:40:16.000We just need to get Halliburton involved in community centers.
00:40:33.000I mean, I don't understand why it's okay to build shit on other parts of the world that we blow up, but not build shit that just fell apart on its own over here.
00:41:05.000Yeah, and they're saying that like, I mean, this is like a little thing, but like 40% of light posts, you know, don't work in Detroit, in the greater metropolitan area.
00:41:30.000And what's really incredible is that town was created basically on...
00:41:36.000The business that was one of the best businesses for the United States ever, the automotive business, at one point in time, they were rocking.
00:41:45.000My friend Justin was on the podcast, and he worked in the Ford factory for years.
00:41:50.000My dad worked in the Chrysler factory.
00:41:52.000Yeah, and people could make a good living.
00:41:55.000They could support a family, and they churned out these cars.
00:42:33.000And that's one of the main things of why, you know...
00:42:35.000So that's why they were losing money because they had to pay these guys?
00:42:38.000Well, eventually, I mean, you know, the automotive industry became more competitive, so they're not as dominant.
00:42:43.000But then, yeah, one of the things that they said was a problem was that you have people who are essentially entitled to full benefits at 50 years old.
00:42:52.000Yeah, Justin was also saying that there was also jobs where it required you to use two people.
00:42:56.000There was a union contract, but they didn't really need to use two people.
00:42:59.000So you would have, like, two-hour shifts.
00:43:01.000Like, you would come in for two hours and do it, and then you could go leave and do whatever the fuck you want, and then another guy would come in for two hours, and you did two shifts a day.
00:44:15.000And then they tried to make cars more gas friendly because the gas prices went up, because they had the fake gas shortage where they fucked everybody.
00:51:03.000They're going to be able to just put, like, you're going to have a printer at home, and you're going to keep ingredients in it.
00:51:08.000Carbon, silica, this, that, the other, different, various metals.
00:51:12.000And then you're going to say, you know, build me a fucking TV, bitch.
00:51:15.000And you enter in your credits for the design for the TV, and you get on your iTunes account, it charges you for the design for the TV. That's what you pay, like a design license fee.
00:51:26.000And then you have to pay for the materials.
00:51:29.000And then I think everything will be like way cheaper.
00:53:19.000Do you realize I didn't have a cell phone until I graduated from college and entered the workforce?
00:53:24.000Just thinking about being 16 years old, waving goodbye to my dad, getting into my 87 Chevy Nova, and just taking off for the night?
00:53:33.000And my dad not knowing where I was, when I was, I didn't have a page or nothing, and I would just, you know, come back at 2 in the morning.
01:00:28.000I always feel like people in Columbus and people in Chicago and people in Milwaukee, they're like smart people, but also they have that Midwest down-to-earth thing going on.
01:00:40.000They might be in a city, but there's like a lot of people that are like real good people that are like, you know, there's like, you know, when they call that area the heartland, like the salt, there's a lot of morons that live out there, don't make no mistake about it, all right?
01:00:53.000There's a lot of like, a lot of the really farmy places in this country are filled with retards, right?
01:02:45.000Spend two weeks in New York just going from one place to another, just trying to check off a list of the interesting places from the museums to the restaurants to going on Broadway.
01:02:55.000Like, New York is so strange that Broadway works there, okay?
01:08:39.000Well, I have a friend from Canada, my friend Shane, and he claims it's because when you have...
01:08:45.000They kind of have more of a support system, yeah?
01:08:48.000Like, the government does take more of your money, but maybe it's because they take care of your health, they take care of you a bit more, and he's like, we don't really have a need to be as competitive.
01:09:34.000Yeah, they're just, I don't know, I think it is less, has that less, you gotta, we're number one, you gotta fucking prove that you're number one, that whole mantra.
01:09:44.000If you stopped and thought about all the fucked up shit the United States does in all the different countries, and like how many people must be like upset at the idea of the United States as a whole, not its real citizens like you or I, who really don't have any part in any of this stuff, but somehow or another get lumped in on the same team.
01:10:21.000I see their point if, you know, if I looked at the world the way they do, and I think a lot of people look at the world like there's these people in these other parts of the world, and these people are evil, and these people, you know, they hate your freedom, they hate what you stand for, their religion is based on hating you and wanting you dead.
01:11:16.000If you wanted to play some long-term geopolitical chess, long-term geopolitical chess means you've got to ensure that you're going to have some enemies to defeat in the future.
01:12:05.000Remember the thing with President Reagan where he got in trouble because he sold arms to Iran and then he had to testify and he said he couldn't remember?
01:12:15.000I mean, they have been doing it this way.
01:12:18.000We provide a lot of arms to a lot of countries.
01:12:27.000If you want to keep a fight going and you want to keep getting money and keep extracting money from the society that supports this, you don't ever, like, crush your enemies.
01:12:43.000When we first went in there, they decided not to take over Iraq.
01:12:47.000They got in, they crushed the enemy, like, with almost no resistance.
01:12:50.000The only casualties were because of a Scud missile hit barracks and killed, like, 80 people.
01:12:56.000But that was the only people that died.
01:12:58.000Like, other than that, it was like a few people died, and a lot of people got sick after the fact when they found out that they were using depleted uranium and people got, like, some serious radiation sicknesses and things.
01:13:09.000But when they got to Baghdad, they decided not to take it over.
01:13:13.000We're like, yeah, we'll just get out of here and leave.
01:13:14.000So they left Saddam Hussein to run the country after they crushed him.
01:13:18.000And he basically ran it the same way he always ran it with his crazy sons.
01:15:31.000I think it's just like everything else.
01:15:33.000It's been slowly but surely dissolving around us.
01:15:36.000I think as technology increases, as our access to each other increases...
01:15:43.000It's going to be way easier to decipher what other people are saying.
01:15:46.000The whole idea about the Tower of Babel to keep man forever divided by making a gang of different languages so they can never completely communicate with each other.
01:15:55.000That's all slowly being broken down and it's one of the biggest impediments to peace.
01:15:59.000It's one of the biggest impediments to cultural understanding.
01:16:02.000I love watching shows about other countries, about how they eat and what they do.
01:16:07.000I love Anthony Bourdain's show, especially.
01:17:29.000Anyways, the Iraqi barracks, I got to tour them, not so nice.
01:17:34.000Like, those dudes were shitting off the side of the platform, and then the fish that were eating the shit, they would fish those fish and then eat the fish.
01:18:30.000They would throw the water bottles just all over the floor, as opposed to, like, putting them in the refrigerator that the Americans had provided.
01:19:34.000So once a week, they had ice cream socials with the Iraqis, and they would fucking find a way to get tubs of Rocky Road ice cream airlifted onto this oil platform, and then I would be having ice cream with the Iraqis so that they would see how amazing our American Rocky Road...
01:21:29.000Like, they would kill people, then they would come back two weeks later to see if anybody was cleaning up the bodies, and they'd kill them.
01:22:07.000You start from scratch and everyone's dead, by the way.
01:22:10.000This might be a hippy, dippy, dopey thought, a pot thought, but I fear that our culture is going that way because of the disappearance of the bookstore, because of the disappearance of...
01:22:22.000Book learning, book reading, because of the nooks.
01:23:12.000It's just, we have so much, like, go into the supermarket to get your food.
01:23:15.000That's another thing that's probably not good.
01:23:17.000It's probably better if everybody grew their own food.
01:23:19.000If we had, like, community gardens, and everybody grew their own food, and, you know, and even if you don't eat meat, all you really need is some chickens.
01:23:27.000You know, if you have a bunch of hens, they don't, they lay eggs.
01:23:30.000You don't have to, you're not killing a chicken.
01:24:13.000There's something different about reading.
01:24:15.000Let's say you want to know what Nietzsche said.
01:24:17.000There's a huge difference between picking up Beyond Good and Evil and reading that bitch cover to cover and being like, Wow, there's this and that idea and making connections than going to Wikipedia and being like, Frederick Nietzsche, what did that guy say?
01:32:22.000I think it's way harder for a woman to do stand-up.
01:32:24.000I think it's harder to get the attention on stage from men to give you the ball, you know, because guys will, hey, I'm funnier than this bitch.
01:32:37.000You certainly can't have opinions on, like, religion or politics or anything controversial where you or I could pull off, you know, like, I don't agree with this guy, but shh.
01:32:47.000But if a woman's on stage telling Jesus jokes...
01:33:41.000If you look at the number of people, like, all-time, you know, number of black people and number of great black entertainers, especially in stand-up, is so disproportionate.
01:33:51.000Because if you think of, like, the greatest comics of all time, you know, if you had to, like, do 100 of them, it's going to be more than 10 that are black, you know?
01:33:59.000I mean, there's 10% of the population is black.
01:34:01.000If you took the 100 greatest comedians, probably, like, 50 of them would be black.
01:41:45.000Do you think that maybe he just was overwhelmed by all the people that talked?
01:41:50.000He was constantly seeing giant crowds of people and everybody, wherever he went, he was like getting interviewed and people were coming up to him and...
01:41:59.000That and I know that he had a very disapproving mother that his mother was like, he got the Tonight Show or something and his mom was like, eh, big deal.
01:42:10.000So I think there was some of that always wanting mom's approval, that hamster wheel.
01:42:15.000But that's even less reasonable then because when I see people like that, they know what it's like to have shitty parents and they don't pay attention to their own kids.
01:42:23.000For you to perpetrate the same stupid shit that you went through because you're too dumb to figure out what fucked you up?
01:42:29.000Isn't that what we talked about at the beginning of this show, how if you're not cognizant of what decisions you're making, if you don't know how to think, then your whole life is in shambles around you.
01:42:39.000Did you hear about Johnny Carson's book that just came out?
01:42:42.000And it talks about him and his ex-wife.
01:46:14.000I think the people that really take issue with that are always taking issue with the fact that The implication and that what some people are getting from that is that that's the only thing that somebody black is good at or something that you can be impressed with is that they're,
01:46:30.000you know, the great entertainer or the big dick guy or they jump fucking through the roof.
01:47:43.000Their CBS Sports commentator Jimmy the Greek Snyder gave his impressions of blacks in coaching in the National Football League.
01:47:49.000His answers could raise as much controversy as the statements by former Dodgers executive Al Campanis last April on ABC's Nightline news program.
01:47:59.000Pretty soon they're gonna have to equalize it for the blacks.
01:48:03.000For the Greeks, the Jews, and for everybody.
01:48:05.000I mean, let's make it equal for everybody.
01:49:46.000I'm saying it's connected to the same point of view, which was that quarterbacks had to be smart, and then coaching is thought of as the total mental thing.
01:49:56.000That's not what he was saying, though.
01:49:57.000He was saying that black guys are taking over every spot.
01:50:00.000They were saying that black guys are going to be every player, and they're eventually going to take over coaching, too.
01:50:05.000He said they were eventually going to take over coaching, too.
01:51:50.000And that's a really involved situation.
01:51:52.000Those people have been there a long-ass time.
01:51:55.000The problem with that slavery thing, or saying that slaves created great athletes, is that white people said it before, and it was always a problem.
01:52:06.000In recent years, and I think the last person to say it was Michael Johnson, the last prominent black guy to say it, our former Olympic gold medalist, he was like, yeah, absolutely, that's a valid point of view to take.
01:52:36.000You can't look at it from whether it's humanitarian or politically correct to say.
01:52:41.000You look at it like, well, imagine you're trying to get production out of humans, and you see one that's really built and strong, and you see another, and you go, you two, you're going to make kids.
01:53:16.000As a historian, I find to be stunning about what he said the claim of supremacy of black athletes in track had never seen Not ugly.
01:53:49.000Two from Trinidad, African Americans Walter Dix and Doc Patton, and Dutch sprinter Charande Martina, who hails from Cura Curacao, rounded out the line.
01:54:00.000Racial assumptions don't work easily, as simply noting that four years ago, all eight finalists in the quest to be the world's fastest men likely had ancestors who were slaves, because race is, well, never simple.
01:54:35.000That's a statement where you're just not being honest about something and you're trying to be massively politically correct despite of the preponderance of information.
01:56:12.000And there have been, for sure, some horrible things that have happened...
01:56:16.000Like, for instance, my people, Sicilians, if you look at that whole movie True Romance, I mean, that was the whole scene where Christopher Walken and, uh, what the fuck is his name?
01:59:10.000The amount of money that those big-time pro golfers make, even a person that is doing well can't relate to the amount of money that Tiger Woods has made.
01:59:19.000Tiger Woods has made a billion dollars off knocking a ball into a hole in the dirt.
01:59:24.000I don't think anybody can ever understand the appeal of a million dollars on a bimbo.
02:01:18.000There's always going to be a group of people in any gender, whether it's transgender, whether it's gay.
02:01:26.000There's always going to be a group of people that just fail.
02:01:28.000There's going to be a group of women that fail, a group of men that fail.
02:01:31.000There's going to be people that just don't get their shit together, don't ever self-actualize, don't ever pursue their dreams, don't ever get involved in anything they truly love.
02:02:00.000We got hijacked for the longest time I've ever been hijacked as an adult.
02:02:07.000Tommy and I were having a fun little conversation and we ordered a little glass of wine because we're gentlemen and we're on a business trip.
02:02:14.000We decided to have a little wine and we're sitting there and the woman came over and she made a joke.
02:07:39.000I've seen a lady get kicked off for having attitude about her whole day.
02:07:44.000She was like, you put me later on this shit, and now I'm here, and fuck it, and she was just complaining, complaining, complaining, and she was, I think, aggressive speaking to them.
02:08:41.000Want to protect themselves, and they have to.
02:08:44.000You can't have somebody who's an actual threat to the flight.
02:08:48.000But I think there's definitely a thrill in knowing that if somebody gives you kind of a little jab, kind of a little attitude, you can be like, I could fuck up your day right now pretty badly.
02:09:23.000Pop your headphones on in your hood, in your glasses.
02:09:26.000Yeah, but you can't do that in the middle of a conversation where you're having a conversation with another guy and then you're having a wine and then all of a sudden, boom, you're stuck.
02:09:47.000And she goes, we had a couple of drinkers up here.
02:09:49.000I was like, it's kind of like, you know, I can see a certain person, not me personally, but I could see that comment really setting somebody off.
02:09:59.000The outside implication of like, we got a couple of drunks.
02:10:03.000I don't want to say any more than that.
02:10:41.000If you look at the number of prescriptions sold, the number of antidepressant prescriptions that are sold in this country every year, it's...
02:13:27.000So the question is, should she have to completely revamp her life, get her shit together, change her diet, start exercising, start taking care of her health, start applying different philosophies to her life at X years of age, you know, an advanced age?
02:13:42.000Or should she just take a fucking pill?
02:14:01.000Less than a third of Americans who are taking a single antidepressant, as opposed to two or more, have seen a mental health professional in the past year.
02:14:10.000Some people are just taking the pills.
02:14:30.000But I hear it can be helpful if you're going through some really depressing time just to kind of allow you to get some distance to get clarity on the issue.
02:15:54.000Dude, I went to Afghanistan for two weeks, like, a couple years ago, and just in two weeks, being a spectator to a war, just being a tourist in all of it, was so...
02:16:08.000I sat on my shrink's couch, like, bawling.
02:16:10.000You see, you know, you tour the hospitals, and you see little eight-year-old boys who fell into a fire and they're burned, or you see 20-year-old kids who stepped on IEDs and they lose their limbs or their faces are blown off.
02:16:32.000Yeah, I mean, you know, war tour, not like a tour of performing.
02:16:37.000Well, that's why when that guy went over and he was suffering from PTSD and they wound up just murdering a bunch of people and killed a bunch of civilians.
02:16:47.000And they were like, this guy had been crying for help.
02:16:49.000This guy had been talking about his PTSD, trying to get out of the arm, and they sent him over there again.
02:17:20.000Does their experiences make them a psycho?
02:17:22.000Does the lack of feeling make them want to do something that shocks them?
02:17:26.000I mean, do they get to the point where they see so much killing and they've killed so many people that they're not even aware of what's real or what's not?
02:18:20.000I think that you should almost, there should almost be a clause where like you can go and be like, I can't do this and they should let you.
02:18:28.000NBC News, heavily armed and medicated.
02:18:32.000That's on fucking Newsweek or NBC News rather.
02:19:12.000When you look at the amount of money that gets siphoned out of war and then injected into the bank accounts of people that don't kill anybody, don't risk any life, don't risk their health for a second.
02:19:24.000And they're living like fucking bankers.
02:19:29.000If you look at the people that are making the most money out of war, I mean, it's quite shocking the amount of money that you can extract and never have to kill anybody.
02:19:40.000That's why there will always be wars forever and ever and ever.
02:19:44.000I think it's like you look at those pharmaceutical statistics and you realize that industry, that lobby is too powerful and it's too strong for it to get defeated.
02:19:57.000That's why those pills will be around.
02:21:20.000You could have a community, but they would infiltrate it.
02:21:23.000The government would infiltrate it, and then they'd find someone who was selling mushrooms, and then they'd come in and bust it.
02:21:29.000The idea of someone gaining a stronghold on a group of people with a different ideology, a non-supportive ideology of the thing that's running the country right now, they're not down for that.
02:22:08.000That's how you appeal to a poor young dude, right?
02:22:11.000To live up to this ideal of manhood, of perceived...
02:22:15.000Well, all those commercials, they all appeal to your sense of wanting to be a great, impactful person, to be an adventurer, to be, you know, something, to be a warrior.
02:23:02.000And the girl comes home with her check, and she's, like, speaking Spanish and English, you know, and it's like, this is just so, to, like, you know, appeal to the Spanish speaking.
02:23:12.000But it's like, it's such a, you know, she's just like...
02:23:46.000This is really supposed to be effective to the person who's Latino, who's like, I don't trust banks, and they're like, this bank's pretty cool.
02:25:07.000And I just, like, fucking jump on the ground.
02:25:10.000Like, I jump on the ground, full boner, like, am I in trouble?
02:25:14.000Like, it's so terrifying to be in that thought process and hear that loud.
02:25:18.000And I just, I pull my pants up, and the first thing I do, you're not home, so I call our Jose, our, whatever, he doesn't fucking listen to the show.
02:25:28.000Jose is the building, you know, manager.
02:26:48.000What was neat, though, is that LAPD installed these, like, sound devices where they'd put them up on the light post or somewhere and they could actually track exactly where the bullet was shot from within a five-mile radius.
02:30:18.000There should be, in Deaf Poetry Slam, there should be a black guy in the fucking rafters with a mic who just gets to, after everyone goes, your shit was whack too, man!
02:31:44.000So this is for those among us who got enough play through 12th grade to carry in an upside-down teaspoon.
02:31:52.000For every kid with the collective romantic prowess of Steve Urkel, Richard Simmons, and Screech from Saved by the Bell, this is the anthem For those among us who got none in our formative years.
02:32:05.000And this poem is for every high school virgin who wouldn't have had it any other way.
02:32:13.000You don't know the possibilities of a weekend until you've cracked a four-pack of juice squeeze with your boys, bumped B.I.G.'s Big Papa, and watched an entire Star Trek The Next Generation marathon.
02:32:24.000For me, virgin was working, and I can see why Trekkie's greedy.
02:36:06.000Those people, if you gave them a Dianetics book and started getting their email address and sending them some shit, send them some pamphlets.
02:38:14.000Historically referred to a husband with an adulterous wife and still often used with this meaning.
02:38:21.000In evolutionary biology, the term cuckold is applied to males who are unwittingly investing parental effort in offsprings that are not genetically their own.
02:38:32.000So if you're a stepfather, you're a cuckold.
02:38:35.000Since the 1990s, the term has been wildly used to refer to a sexual fetish in which the fetishist is stimulated by their committed partner choosing to have sex with someone else.
02:38:46.000So for some men, they get their rocks off that way, but the original description of it...
02:38:54.000I guess it could be a verb as well, right?
02:39:11.000The term was clearly regarded as an embarrassingly direct...
02:39:16.000As embarrassingly direct as evidence in John Lydgate's The Fall of the Princess in 1440, the late 14th century, the term also appeared in Geoffrey Clawchacher's Miller's Tale.
02:41:32.000My friend was sitting outside on a porch at a party and this woman was blowing him while the husband was sitting next to the woman giving directions.
02:41:56.000I mean, it was weird for my friend, who was a single guy, to get head from some guy's wife while the guy is saying, rub his balls, rub his balls.
02:43:20.000You know, you've seen, because I'm sure you've been, like, I've had couples that are always never attractive come up to you and they're like, what's up?
02:43:28.000Like, we're going to go out and have a good time.
02:44:30.000So either you're not allowed to exercise, but you can eat what you want, or the other one is eating hot dogs and Gatorade, but you can still exercise.
02:45:33.000If you were just eating hot dogs and Gatorade and trying to exercise, you wouldn't have the nutrients to sustain any sort of strenuous exercise.
02:45:42.000Can someone please make an exercise video of just hot dogs and Gatorade?
02:45:48.000Do you know why we- You'd probably die of scurvy.
02:45:51.000We did because one of our friends stayed at our house one time for like three days and he ate just hot dogs and catering.
02:45:57.000Listen man, ever since I cut gluten out of my diet, I miss pasta, but they have great gluten-free pasta.
02:48:27.000She's like, well, it makes sense because, like, knee injuries, like, a lot of times, like, the swelling and the inflammation of knee injuries, you can reduce that as well.
02:48:39.000Don't they tell you just eat fruits and vegetables and meats anyways, like keep it living that way?
02:48:43.000Yeah, you shouldn't even eat that much fruit.
02:48:45.000You should limit the amount of fruit unless, except like after working out is good or while you're working out, in the middle of doing things where you're burning off a lot of calories, fruit's good.
02:48:54.000But you should definitely limit the amount of juice you drink.
02:48:57.000Because when you drink fruit juice, it's like straight sugar.
02:50:42.000Christine and I are doing Your Mom's House live November 22nd at the Ice House and December 5th in San Diego at the American Comedy Company.
02:50:54.000I'm in San Diego this weekend at the Madhouse Comedy Club October 25th through 27th and then in Hartford at the Funny Bone November 14th through 17th.