In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, the boys talk about their favorite cell phone brands and the new ones they're using, and what they're looking forward to in the future. They also discuss the new iPhone X, the new Galaxy S3, and the Galaxy S4, and how they compare to each other in terms of screen size and overall design. Also, the guys talk about how much they love Apple's new iPhone 7, and why they think Apple needs to get their shit together and make a bigger and better phone. Joe also talks about why he doesn't want to get another iPhone and why he thinks the new one he's getting is going to be better than the one he got last year, the iPhone 7. This episode is brought to you by Ting, a cell phone service company that uses Sprint's backbone. They have their own rules like no contracts, no ETFs or early termination fees, and they have a new thing they call the ETF Relief Program. If you're paying an ETF, come to Ting and they'll give you 25% of your device up to $75 per device, and you can save $25 on your first device when you sign up with them when you start using their service. So visit ting.co/JoeRoganExperience and use the promo code JOEROGANSPODCAST to save 25% on your bill! and get 25% off your first phone! Joe and the boys discuss their favorite new phones they're currently on the market, the Samsung Galaxy Note 3, the S4 and S3 and the iPhone XR, the Note 3 and the S3. They talk about why they're the best phones they've ever had and why you should get one of those. And how they're going to get a bigger, bigger and bigger in the next one. They also talk about the new Apple Watch and how big they're getting a bigger than the iPhone. and why it's a little dinky. . Joe talks about how he thinks Apple needs a bigger screen and how much bigger than an iPhone is better than a normal phone. And how he's not getting a foldable laptop. The boys are getting a new bigger. We also discuss why the new Note 3 is a little bigger than a 5-inch laptop and a little more like a 5" laptop. Joe also gives his thoughts on the iPhone 11. It's a good one.
00:01:22.000They just charge you what you would have used or pay for you what you have used.
00:01:29.000If you use too much or if you rather use too little, if you say you had one contract and it was set up for X amount of minutes and you use something lower than that, they'll knock you down to a lower rate and then credit you on your next bill.
00:06:20.000When you're on a website, you're like, I've got to remember this website.
00:06:22.000So you take out the stylus, you circle whatever you want the picture to be, and then it saves the whole website and links the original website and just makes a little thumbnail for you.
00:06:31.000So you could just go back and have your own little scrapbook of websites.
00:07:16.000Well, if it gives you brain cancer, if you put it up to your head all day, why wouldn't it give you wrist cancer?
00:07:21.000They're trying to destroy our head and hands, so we only have legs to pull big, heavy rocks for the government.
00:07:26.000I just don't get the need for another clock.
00:07:29.000You've got a clock in that big thing in your pocket, dummy.
00:07:31.000Why is it attached to that stupid little thing on your wrist that you're not even going to look at?
00:07:35.000Maybe they want you to keep, because it's so big, keep the note hidden away so you don't have to actually pull it out, this big thing, you know what I mean?
00:07:42.000Maybe, but then I bet it's a clusterfuck trying to get it to answer on your phone or your wrist or talking in your phone, you look like an asshole.
00:07:51.000Apple has to release an exact version of the note size, like maybe even bigger, maybe crazier, and then have the best watch known to man and release both of them at the exact same time.
00:08:01.000In three to four months, and then they will have destroyed.
00:08:04.000They can't do that now, though, because they've been cock-blocked.
00:08:08.000Samsung put out those two items together.
00:09:48.000That's the beautiful thing about Hulu Plus is that you can watch TV shows on your iPad, you can watch them on your phone, you can watch them on various tablets, your home computer as it were.
00:10:00.000Thousands of TV shows and a selection of acclaimed movies on your TV or on the go.
00:10:11.000You can also check out exclusive content they have, including Hulu originals like The Awesomes starring SNL's Seth Meyers and Moonboy starring Chris O'Dowd from Bridesmaids.
00:10:22.000But if you're a dude and you know who was in Bridesmaids, how dare you?
00:11:20.000O-N-N-I-T. We have the new Zombie Kettlebells that are in stock now.
00:11:25.000If you loved the Primal Bells, you will be in love again with the Zombie Bells.
00:11:30.000Same dude made them, Stephen Chubin Jr., this badass artist who Aubrey hired to make the chimpanzee, the gorilla, the ape, the orangutan, and the monkey, how are they monkey?
00:11:43.000We also now have 72-pound, 54-pound, 36-pound, and 18-pound zombie kettlebells.
00:11:50.000Note the lack of poods in the description, as it should be.
00:13:26.000The neurotransmitter support of AlphaBrain with the best adaptogens from Shroom Tech Sport, some 5-HTP in there, minerals, all sorts of wonderful nutrients.
00:13:35.000If you go to Onnit.com, there's plenty of information on the various ingredients and what they hope to achieve.
00:13:46.000I've been a fan of taking AlphaBrain after long plane flights and after if I've had some alcoholic beverages.
00:13:56.000Either one of those things really can slow down your thinking.
00:13:59.000And I think that nutrients are the things that spark that back up, especially nutrients specifically designed to improve cognitive function.
00:16:08.000John Toll went up, and there was a few other ones, but you had a real community.
00:16:13.000Yeah, Dallas has got a good comedy scene.
00:16:15.000Yeah, it was cool to know, or cool to find out.
00:16:18.000I didn't know before, so it's always nice to see, like, all you need is, like, one club where there's a couple of funny dudes that get together, and then the open mic night kind of kicks ass every week.
00:16:54.000And it also will ensure that you always have a good show, and you could start doing these shows on Tuesdays and Wednesdays where you might be dark, and you could make a lot of money doing that if you just had a real local scene.
00:17:06.000And that was the cool thing about that club, and they're still like that, but they'll be like, if a headliner only wants to do two shows on Saturday, they'll be like, okay, well, we'll do an 11.30 show, but we'll give it to all the local guys.
00:17:18.000Because if people get off work, like, say if you get off work at 10.30, and you know that there's an 11.30 show, you're like, fuck them, man.
00:17:34.000It sounds crazy to people today, but the only people that played, that came in from out of town, were like, Jerry Seinfeld would do a concert.
00:18:37.000And so when you've got a headliner that comes in that's not necessarily going to draw a lot of people, you go, well, I've got two local guys who we've been developing for the last three years.
00:19:55.000In Addison, there's a club called Hyenas in Dallas where they have a big bar area.
00:19:58.000So they do the open mic and say they don't make a lot of money off ticket sales, but now you've got 40 comics hanging out the bar until 2 a.m.
00:24:26.000The girls that are from Boston that live here in LA know how to hide it very well, but then once in a while they'll just snip out and go, what the hell was that?
00:25:01.000It's like formulas that Coke doesn't want to spend the money to mass market because it's like, I don't think that many people is going to like it.
00:25:42.000Because there's a couple of Mexican joints in LA that I go to just because they have those bottle Cokes from Mexico that have real sugar in them.
00:26:27.000And you get like an RC and you're like...
00:26:29.000Well, this was like generic cola, but then like as if it was sitting out, opened in the refrigerator for three weeks, and then shut back up.
00:26:36.000You know, so you're just drinking like flat.
00:27:29.000Oh, so the largest medical manufacturer of cocaine is actually connected directly to Coca-Cola.
00:27:35.000They take their coca leaves, they extract the cocaine out of it, they use it for medical cocaine, and then Coke uses those coca leaves without the cocaine in it for a flavor.
00:28:52.000The actual one, though, if you can act, you know, I've been gluten-free for a while, but if I really decide to go on a bender, I'm going to go to that Cavaretta's and get a sausage sub with a fucking real root beer.
00:33:02.000See, that's what I miss about living out here, because they always have these Texas barbecue places out here, and you get there and it's never as good.
00:35:15.000Or like the shitty club when they make everybody stand outside before they open to think that, oh, this is a cool place and there's nobody inside.
00:38:02.000Yeah, and you just have it so that these people have some sort of sustained...
00:38:06.000There's a lot of places in Texas where they have what they call a high fence operation, where they're essentially wild animals, but they're blocked in.
00:38:24.000A lot of different species of antelopes and all sorts of different animals that are extinct in India but have great numbers in Texas because these guys create these wild game parks and then you take these places and they set up tree stands and some of them are like real blatant like they have feeders And at 6 a.m.
00:38:43.000every morning, food comes out, so the animals just gather up and you blast away.
00:38:47.000I mean, you could do it that way, or you could try to do it more ethically where you try to stalk these animals in their natural habitat.
00:38:54.000For the most part, you're talking about places with a huge amount of acreages.
00:38:58.000Some of them have two, three, and more thousand acres.
00:39:07.000And if you had something like that and cultivated the animals that way, you have like a sniper who works for you, and then he just takes out an animal every day.
00:39:16.000And today we're having bison that was just killed three hours ago by our hunting team.
00:39:54.000And if you buy one that's corn-fed, it's like this poor thing is anemic.
00:39:59.000Yeah, and you also feel different too when you eat.
00:40:01.000If you eat organic chicken and then you go back to eating processed, you can definitely tell the difference in just how you feel afterwards.
00:40:08.000See, I've never been able to tell the difference in chicken.
00:40:16.000But I think there's been a lot of research that's been done on what's healthy for you, what kind of lean protein, what kind of diet the animal should be on in order to optimize the nutrition value of the food.
00:40:46.000It's like very highly valued bear fat when they eat blueberries.
00:40:50.000If you can catch a bear that's been dieting off nothing but blueberries for months, oh my god, it's the most amazing meat ever.
00:40:56.000The meat's delicious, the fat is delicious, and it's just so much more ethical than stuffing them into these farms where they're all blocked in and they can't even move and they fill them full of fucking fatty foods and then piss them through the brain, drain them out, and they never have a life.
00:41:13.000These animals live like a wild animal.
00:41:16.000They're running around out there eating grass, eating the natural plants that they would eat, and then you shoot them.
00:43:45.000So you'd have to break it down with a braise.
00:43:48.000You would braise them and then boil them slowly for hours and hours until the meat finally gave up and collapsed.
00:43:54.000If you're a caveman, didn't know anything about eating animals, eating meat and stuff like that, and you were just put onto this earth and you had to go, all right, I need to eat.
00:44:51.000I mean, if you tried to go vegetables only.
00:44:54.000Unless you have a garden, man, fucking, unless you live in a really unique place where they have a lot of naturally growing things you can eat, you gotta cultivate your own shit.
00:45:22.000When you start fucking around with mushrooms and picking mushrooms, there was a sad story recently.
00:45:27.000This old lady in a nursing home went out and picked some mushrooms and cooked them up for everybody that she lived with, and they all fucking died.
00:45:55.000There's places like the Pacific Northwest where people go mushroom hunting, and they're confident enough, like, there's some mushrooms that are so easy to poke out, or point out, rather, that you can go, okay, this one we can eat.
00:46:07.000It doesn't look like anything you can't eat, and there's a few that are like that.
00:46:15.000There's, like, a kit you buy at the supermarket, and you basically just, like, put some water on it or something like that and leave it somewhere, and they start growing.
00:46:56.000It wants to grow in plants that have been smashed up and passed through the stomach of, I think it's called a double onulate animal or onulate animal.
00:47:10.000These big, fucking huge, plate-sized mushrooms will grow in the Amazon on cow shit, and they look like UFOs landing in a field.
00:47:19.000That's one of the reasons why the idea came to a lot of people's heads that really tripped hard, was that they were communicating with another life form that came here in an asteroid.
00:47:29.000I can tell you what makes sense at the time.
00:47:31.000It doesn't just make sense at the time, unfortunately.
00:47:49.000But whatever it is, I was listening to a lecture once by Terrence McKenna, and he was saying that there's no other plant like that that has the phosphorus in the 4 position, and then it It's really possible that it could have come on an asteroid from another planet.
00:48:06.000Apparently you could take some mushroom spores, like it doesn't have to be psychedelic, like shiitake, whatever, put them on a fucking asteroid, shoot it into space, and they'll live.
00:48:15.000They'll land somewhere, boom, and make a little mushroom farm.
00:48:18.000Did you see that asteroid or whatever the fuck it was over L.A. the other day?
00:53:24.000When I was a kid, I was the first guy, if someone threw up in the hallway, I was the first guy to start dry heaving.
00:53:30.000I threw up, the first season of Fear Factor, I threw up watching it on TV. I watched something that I was there for in real life and I didn't throw up, but watching it on TV, I threw up.
00:53:41.000But then, by the time season three rolled around, dude, I was an OG. Yeah.
00:54:58.000I mean, minus beheadings, because I don't know if you've heard the whole Facebook beheading drama that's been going on, but that was fucked up.
00:55:06.000Like a girl getting her head chopped off because she cheated on her husband.
00:56:38.000Somebody hit her car yesterday or two days ago and then took off.
00:56:42.000And so she went on this high-speed chase throughout Hollywood going wrong ways in the streets, going like, you know, just chasing this person down to take a photo of it and then like...
00:56:50.000It was just gang members pretty much in a new car, you know, and they finally got them over and they got out of the car and took a picture of the person and the license plate and Maybe some drama happened and then drove off again.
00:57:03.000And then they went down this dark street in a warehouse in a really shady neighborhood.
00:57:42.000They got the license plate, but that's it.
00:57:44.000There was one point, though, I guess they were going fast, and this guy was going like 80 miles an hour, went over one of those little hill things, and the guy flew up in there like four feet and came down, and all those sparks and fire came out.
00:58:01.000Well, if you're out at night, man, that's the reality.
00:58:03.000If you're out at night and you're wandering around, especially if you've been drinking, you know, people look at you like you're a victim.
00:58:10.000When you have poor people and rich people all mingling together, and Los Angeles has a massive amount of people that are impoverished, a massive amount.
00:58:22.000And if you're flossing in Hollywood and everyone knows where they can find you, you know, if you're some fucking baller character who's flashing some cash around at the sky bar and people could find you and clock you and watch you and follow you to your car, they're going to rob you.
00:59:53.000People understand that we have much more in common that way.
00:59:57.000It seems like it would be a contradiction because most people think that Los Angeles or California in general is nicer than New York, but I think a lot of that is just the weather.
01:00:06.000The weather here is as nice as is humanly possible.
01:02:05.000He thought he was just immediately, apparently he's talented, and he thought he was just immediately going to just start getting roles and basically be a working actor within like a year.
01:02:14.000It's a year and a half in, he hasn't gotten a single job, and he's starting to freak, you know, and he doesn't want to work.
01:02:19.000He wants to somehow or another like feed himself as an actor, and that's not going to happen.
01:02:24.000Like, you might get a movie and you'd be fine.
01:02:28.000But he keeps banking on this idea that he's going to eventually get a movie and then all his bills are going to be paid.
01:02:33.000Like, wow, do you know how many of you there are out there?
01:02:52.000I know, like being a blacksmith or something.
01:02:54.000And people that haven't been waiters before, I don't know if they're scared to be a waiter, but it really is the best fallback job you could possibly have.
01:03:00.000And there's so many fucking restaurants that you can get a good job and make a living.
01:03:05.000You could actually, you know, do really well as a good waiter.
01:03:08.000Is it easy to get a waiter job though?
01:03:35.000When you work at a restaurant also, you're always getting laid because you become friends and alcoholics with all the other waiters and waitresses and talk shit about how horrible the day is.
01:03:42.000Right, and you're all off at 2 o'clock in the morning at the same time.
01:05:38.000You see these people with, like, these humongous hookahs of electronic cigarettes, and they sit there and suck on it like a tit all night long, and they're just getting so much nicotine that...
01:05:48.000They're pretty much telling their body, like, hey, no, I need to live on nicotine.
01:05:52.000I need nicotine in my body all day long, all day night.
01:05:55.000Do you see if the electronic cigarette is too accessible?
01:05:57.000Because with a cigarette, you've got to go outside, you've got to go across the street, you've got to find a lighter.
01:06:01.000With the e-cigarette, it's just always there.
01:07:34.000Studies have focused on the benefits of nicotine therapy for adults with ADHD. Wow.
01:07:43.000So if you can't concentrate, you should smoke?
01:07:46.000Well, you know, it's really interesting because Stephen King said that cigarettes, like when he quit cigarettes, that was one of the most profound effects on his writing.
01:07:55.000That it really slowed him down because cigarettes really made a synapses fire and he felt like it made it more creative.
01:08:12.000Nicotine's mood-altering effects are different by report.
01:08:15.000In particular, it is both a stimulant and a relaxant, first causing the release of glucose from the liver and epinephrine, adrenaline, from the adrenal medulla.
01:09:19.000However, in a few situations, smoking has been observed to be of therapeutic value.
01:09:23.000These are often referred to as smokers' paradoxes, and although in most cases the actual mechanism is understood only poorly or not at all, It is generally believed that the principal beneficial action is due to the nicotine administered and that the administration of nicotine without smoking may be as beneficial as smoking.
01:09:42.000So there's certain things like it says, for instance, studies suggest that smokers require less frequent repeated revascularization after percutaneous coronary intervention.
01:10:20.000Tobacco smoke has also been shown to contain compounds capable of inhibiting monoamine oxidase, which is what you take when you make ayahuasca.
01:10:31.000Monoamine oxidase is what keeps DMT from becoming orally active.
01:10:36.000That's why if you eat grass and things that have DMT in it, you don't just start tripping your balls off because of monoamine oxidase.
01:10:43.000So if it inhibits monoamine oxidase, that can act as a hallucinogen too.
01:10:49.000If it's in like harming, if it's in like large doses, I think it's close to like death doses, it becomes a hallucinogen.
01:10:57.000Have you tried the e-cigarette at all?
01:11:55.000There's this radio station in, I believe, Columbus, Ohio, that Bobby Lee was on recently, and they had it video, recorded video, and he sat down on the couch, and there was a point where they were talking about another comedian.
01:12:07.000What's the one lady, that really funny chow with the tattoos?
01:12:14.000Margaret Cho was there, and she took off all her clothes, and they were talking to Bobby about that, and Bobby's like, oh, you know, I can take off all my clothes.
01:13:08.000I'm just saying that the nicotine intake, I believe, when you have one of these big hookahs, it's probably just drowning you with way more nicotine than you're used to.
01:13:15.000Maybe, but I don't know if it is healthier.
01:13:36.000It says the one thing is nicotine levels.
01:13:39.000They're worried is the electronic cigarette can contain as much nicotine as a regular cigarette or more, and then the amount of nicotine an electric cigarette delivers depends on the content of the liquid nicotine cartridge installed in it.
01:13:53.000So they can choose cartridges containing nicotine in a range of strengths.
01:13:57.000Everyone goes for the strong ones, too, if you're coming from cigarettes.
01:14:01.000And you're sucking on that thing all day long instead of hanging from a cigarette every, like, 15, 20 minutes or so.
01:14:05.000Says there are also cartridges that contain liquid without nicotine for users who want the sensory experience of smoking without its effect.
01:14:14.000That's like people wearing fake glasses.
01:14:16.000Well, they say that your first year is like you're not really addicted to the nicotine, you're addicted to the movement of putting the cigarette into your mouth.
01:17:28.000It's going to make non-smokers try it and then like it and then they're going to get addicted to cigarettes and then here we go again.
01:17:35.000Someone's going to think they look cool blowing smoke and they're going to fuck them and they're just going to keep trying to look cool again.
01:22:32.000They're so outrageous, they ruin the time for the people that can.
01:22:35.000Walking around throwing up in trash cans in the middle of the street.
01:22:37.000That sounds to me like they handled it.
01:22:39.000If they threw up in each other's underwear, then it would be a problem.
01:22:42.000Well, there's a difference between going to a bar where everybody's cool, drinking, having a good time, and then going to a 50-cent shot night college bar.
01:22:48.000That's when it's just a fucking train wreck.
01:23:00.000They don't know how to go with their friends and just have a couple of shots and clink glasses and go, let's do a shot of Jack Fork and hit knuckles together and you sit there and drink like nice people and you enjoy it and you have more laughs and you talk more shit and you laugh at each other and you have a good time and it's fun and it's a lot of hugs and high fives and shit.
01:23:47.000They just got that broken gene in them, man.
01:23:49.000There's a lot more in California, I noticed.
01:23:51.000I think there's a lot of psychologically damaged folks out here that have come out here to reinvent themselves.
01:23:55.000And I think you add alcohol to that particular mindset.
01:23:59.000It's like the problem that I have with that is the same problem I have when guys like Dr. Drew start talking shit about like the withdrawal syndromes that are associated with weed.
01:24:43.000So when you pretend, you're disingenuous if you're on TV pretending that it's a dangerous withdrawal syndrome that's attached to the stronger weed today.
01:27:49.000It's one of the only reasons why when you hear feminists talk about how to approach girls and how to respect the idea that these girls would be terrified of you, I agree with that wholeheartedly 100%.
01:28:02.000One thing, like, I've heard it argued against that, like, the men's rights guys are like, that's horseshit, that's stupid, you know, not all guys are assholes, you treat us like we're assholes, it sort of, like, manifests this whole, you know, attitude that certain men and women have with each other, but that's easy for dudes to say,
01:28:19.000You know, and the men's rights guys, one goofy thing that they fucking say, they really need to shut the fuck up about, they go, you know who gets raped more than anybody in this country?
01:29:05.000Would you agree there's a balance in the middle?
01:29:07.000Like a woman doesn't want some guy who's going to intimidate her and scare the shit out of her, but she doesn't want some pussy who doesn't know how to make a move either.
01:29:13.000As long as there's a fine line in the middle.
01:29:42.000If you just try to grab them and strangle them like your last girlfriend, they'll fucking think you're trying to rape them and they'll grab something and stab you in the dick.
01:31:20.000The only reason why it can exist, whether you believe in a lot of the things that they generalize or not, and I don't.
01:31:26.000I don't believe in the generalizations.
01:31:27.000I believe there's a lot of good people out there, and I think as soon as you start lumping men into general categories, it's just like lumping women or anyone into general categories.
01:31:38.000There's always an exception to everything.
01:31:39.000But there's too many different variables when it comes to humans interacting with each other, especially sexually.
01:31:44.000But the only reason why feminism exists at all is because there's something wrong.
01:31:49.000If there was nothing wrong, if there was no women that were getting shit on, if there was no sexual harassment in the workplace, if there was no discrimination when it comes to employment, if none of those things existed, you couldn't make the argument.
01:33:27.000If a guy was talking about divorce laws and the idea that someone can actually target someone and someone can extract money from them by basically a conspiracy, you're conspiring to rip guys off.
01:34:06.000What, do you think it's your personality?
01:34:08.000You know, you're walking around with a fucking $10,000 watch on, driving a Ferrari, and you wonder why women want you to pay for their rent.
01:35:38.000It's so clear by this day and age that it's duh.
01:35:42.000So when I see something like Atheism Plus and these long, drawn-out speeches where they're mentioning all these other things that we should already agree on, where are we starting from?
01:38:10.000And what about that little voice in the side that just says, this just doesn't feel right?
01:38:14.000Some people don't have that voice, dude.
01:38:16.000You have the voice that says, eat the baby.
01:38:17.000Right, but that's a small minority of sociopaths.
01:38:20.000I'm talking about even the most hardcore Christian, deep down inside, if someone's going to murder another, you go, ah, this just doesn't feel good.
01:38:28.000See, that's what the thing is, though.
01:38:29.000The thing is, that only exists if everything's going well.
01:38:32.000If everything's going well in people's lives and they're not living a really savage existence where they're hardscrabble, trying to feed their family and their children, once that starts happening, people get really savage, really crazy.
01:38:44.000Right, but what I'm saying is like a hardcore Christian, deep down inside, you know that you shouldn't be against gay people being happy.
01:38:54.000Because if someone really believes in an ideology, okay, if you really believe in the teachings of the Bible...
01:39:02.000There are passages in the Bible that you can interpret as saying that a man should not lie with a man.
01:39:08.000And that if a man does that, that man is against God.
01:39:12.000And then if you get really crazy about defending God's will, you might conceivably think that you're doing God's work by killing someone who happens to be gay.
01:40:18.000And this is fascinating because this guy is really, really confident when he's making a speech about what Muslims believe and don't believe.
01:42:20.000Can we have this camera focusing on all the audience, sir?
01:42:26.000Can we have this camera focusing on all the audience?
01:42:29.000Because every now and then, every time we have a conference, every time we invite a speaker, they always come with the same accusations.
01:42:41.000This speaker supports death penalty for homosexuals.
01:42:46.000This speaker supports death penalty for this crime or this crime or that he is homophobic.
01:42:53.000They subjugate women, etc., etc., etc.
01:42:57.000It's the same old stuff coming all the time.
01:43:01.000And we always try to tell them, I always try to tell them that, look, It's not that speaker that we're inviting who has these extreme radical views, as you say.
01:43:14.000These are general views that every Muslim actually has.
01:43:19.000Every Muslim believes in these things.
01:43:21.000Just because they're not telling you about it or just because they're not out there in the media doesn't mean they don't believe in them.
01:43:29.000So I will ask you, everyone in the room, how many of you are Normal Muslims.
01:44:13.000How many of you agree that the punishments described in the Quran and the Sunnah Whether it is death, whether it is stoning for adultery, whatever it is, if it is from Allah and His Messenger,
01:44:29.000that is the best punishment ever possible for humankind.
01:44:35.000And that is what we should apply in the world.
01:46:21.000I know, but everyone in the group agreed.
01:46:23.000It's a weird thing when you can get that many people and they're all raising their hands and throwing rocks at people until they die.
01:46:28.000But if you go to one of our ministries, the guys that always ask for money, there's big groups of people at the churches that you have on late night TVs.
01:47:14.000That's not just simply whether or not you think that other people should believe what you believe, but you believe if two guys fuck each other, they should throw rocks at them until they die.
01:47:53.000There's something about that guy talking.
01:47:55.000He was so confident that everyone was going to raise their hand along with him.
01:48:00.000And the things that he was saying, there's this appeal to being a part of that.
01:48:06.000You're drawn to the idea of being a part of this crazy group that is so down for what they believe that they think that you should kill people with rocks if they don't follow some old writing.
01:48:18.000There's something appealing about that.
01:48:20.000It becomes something like you become a part of some badass group if you join up with that.
01:48:25.000You become a serious person who really believes in God.
01:48:29.000It appeals to a weird aspect of the human psyche.
01:48:36.000What's that song that's playing in the background?
01:49:39.000You're old and you're pretending that makes sense.
01:49:41.000You don't have anybody that talks to you.
01:49:42.000If you get that stupid beard and a pair of glasses and a fucking blazer on like you're a college professor and you say that in front of a group of people and don't know that it sounds retarded, you don't have any friends.
01:49:52.000Did you know that there's an oculiff rift porn now?
01:52:27.000But now they can CGI the shit out of the Hulk.
01:52:29.000It's the only thing that works with CGI better than it works in real life.
01:52:33.000Because the Hulk is supposed to be this freakish thing that doesn't even look remotely like a person.
01:52:38.000It's not supposed to be a bodybuilder.
01:52:41.000The new one, the new Hulk is the shit, dude.
01:52:44.000Yeah, I was worried about that at first, because I kind of liked Edward Norton playing it, and then I saw, and he fucking knocked it out of the park.
01:58:10.000But now this Regino Keen stuff that I've been doing is this thing that they developed in Germany, and it's this blood spinning procedure.
01:58:16.000They take your blood and then they introduce it to heat.
01:58:20.000And the heat makes your blood grow like white blood cells, I believe.
01:58:23.000And then they spin it in a centrifuge and they draw this yellow liquid out of it that turns out to be like the most potent anti-inflammatory drug known to man.
01:58:38.000But the guy in Germany has figured out a way to...
01:58:41.000They're very close to being able to give you an injection that restarts your body's production of collagen, which is what gives people wrinkles.
01:58:48.000So when old dudes get wrinkles or old women get wrinkles, this will let your body restart its collagen production and your wrinkles in your face will start to disappear.
02:05:13.000200 years ago, it's so long ago when you think of like, if you had to go back in time and live like people lived 200 years ago, it would suck a fat one.
02:05:52.000How much blowback do you think there will be with robot prostitutes if women, you know, will women, like, draw a line in the sand that fucking robot is a cheating thing?
02:06:02.000I'm sure they'll find a way to justify that.
02:07:04.000Because of an idea that I had, a dream I had once.
02:07:06.000It was a werewolf and a gorilla having sex, and I was trying to creep around the outside of the room so they didn't notice and get out of there.
02:07:13.000That dude made me the death squad cat, but he has a huge hog, like a big dick.
02:08:45.000Look, I'm going to take the opposite on this.
02:08:48.000All sympathies to that, but if you're a teacher and you know how sensitive people are, when you're pulling your Mr. T costume out of the closet, you've got to go, you know what, I probably shouldn't do this.
02:08:57.000Yeah, but your mayor smokes crack and wants to kill Mike Tyson.
02:10:35.000I got this because they didn't have the black, but then once I ordered the black in the mail, I put the black on and said, you know what, I like the white better.
02:11:16.000The thing that I... One of the other reasons why I wanted to try a Droid out is because when I'm honest and I look at it, I think Apple makes the greatest computers on Earth.
02:11:25.000I don't see myself switching from the Apple laptops.
02:13:25.000And everybody says that he was a cunt and like you would yell at employees and shit, but could you imagine if you were like an incredibly obsessed motherfucker and your employees were just regular people just going to work?
02:13:36.000You're like, yeah, they ain't got to cut it.
02:14:16.000It's just one of these apps that, you know, as a guy you can't use, but girls can, and I've been trying to hack the system, like make fake Facebook pages and all this stuff just so I can...
02:14:51.000Because, I mean, moving as a comic, because when you're in a place for so long and you're used to regular stage time, you're used to doing...
02:14:59.000And then you come here and at first it's like two minutes at a coffee shop and then waiting around two hours to do three minutes.
02:16:15.000I mean, you're going to go up at the comedy store or the Laugh Factory, and there's going to be 10 guys that have been on movies, TV shows, and back to back to back to back to back, and all doing 15 minutes, you know?
02:17:52.000But the problem with that is, like, you've already done, like, an hour and ten minutes of actual comedy, then trying to make some funny out of the Q&A. Like, sometimes it'd be a drop-off.
02:18:01.000They'd be like, crushing, crushing, you know, everything was laugh, laugh, laugh, and then question and answer was, like, just Dragged out and weird and you didn't know how to end it.
02:18:10.000Then you end it and people are like, oh, is that good?
02:20:00.000It's funny to see and hear shit, because you think, oh, I've heard everything, and then somebody else will come on, and you'll be like, oh, okay, I haven't.
02:20:06.000Do you worry that you're going to run out of people coming up with crazy stories, though?
02:21:49.000And then I drag them through this dark alley that they don't want to go to after I, like, send them down this beautiful flower-filled road for half an hour.
02:21:56.000And then I'm like, hey, take a left with me.
02:22:35.000I still do, like, pen and paper in the morning at the coffee shop, you know, writing.
02:22:39.000I try to go backwards of stuff, because when you first start, I feel it's like, joke, joke, joke, joke, and then after a while, you're like, okay, now I can actually go back and revisit some things and put into joke form.
02:24:53.000As long as you keep working at it, as long as you keep writing, you're going to have some good sets and some bad sets and you're going to have some good bits and some bad bits and if you put out 10 CDs...
02:25:05.000One of them you're not going to like that much, or two of them, or someone who's going to be a fan, they're like, yeah, I didn't like that one, Justin.
02:27:35.000So you know when there's somebody there to see you.
02:27:37.000And then if there's somebody, other comic, just comes on stage that's not their crowd, you know it's going to be a little weird sometimes when you mix certain crowds with certain people.
02:27:46.000And I think with you, like we've already talked about this before, you get this Willy Wonka golden ticket where people already know you when you're starting out.
02:27:53.000There's pressure in that, and it's also easier that way, too.
02:27:58.000Yeah, but if you have a Sunday 8 o'clock show, it's not your audience.
02:28:02.000And it's somebody else's audience that knows you from Hangover, and there's a lot of couples there that probably don't want to hear about fucking dolphins and cum and shit like that.
02:28:10.000Well, there's a lot of people out there that don't want to hear about those things.
02:28:12.000That's the beautiful thing about performing for people that don't know you.
02:28:16.000One of the good things about doing pop-in shows, one thing that a lot of comics like to do is they like to go up on a show where people are not coming to see them.
02:28:25.000Because that way they'll get a more honest reaction.
02:28:27.000And sometimes it'll make you cultivate your bits for a new mind or for a new ear.
02:28:32.000Someone who hasn't seen your stuff before.
02:28:34.000But I also did five shows in the weekend, and all of them were amazing sets.
02:28:40.000So amazing that the owner of the club wrote a three-page letter recommending me to other clubs.
02:29:55.000And as you build up more time, that's why the difference between right after you release a special, the new hour that you work on, in the beginning, man, if it's an hour, it might only be 15 minutes that you really love.
02:30:07.000It might be a lot of other stuff that you're ham and egging and song and dancing.
02:30:11.000And then as time goes on, you start stacking and adding, and then it becomes something that you're really proud of.
02:30:17.000That's a process you haven't gone through yet.
02:30:19.000You haven't gone through the editing process.
02:30:21.000You haven't gone through the process of creating an hour, chopping it down, eliminating certain bits, and then stretching it out to a real legit, beginning-to-end professional hour.
02:30:51.000The seven- or eight-minute one is a good edited version, but the 13-minute one is more free.
02:30:56.000It's kind of like one of your old-school bits where it's very comfortable to be in this playground, and when I go to the joke to the joke to the tag to the tag, it's very comfortable doing the 13-minute one.
02:31:09.000Every week I do at least one of those different versions, but it's always the 13 one that's really like, alright, that's the one that you need to do.
02:31:15.000So I have censored and edited different bits.
02:31:18.000It just depends on the show, how much time I have.
02:31:21.000Okay, look, Brian, we all have different standards of editing.
02:31:24.000We all have different what we think are legit bits and what we think are not legit bits.
02:31:28.000What I think is a legit bit and you think is a legit bit, it's probably going to be very different.
02:31:31.000I don't want to judge your material and I don't want to sit and break down your act and tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
02:31:35.000But people have a problem when you start saying how this is awesome and you did so great.
02:35:35.000Having a rough step though, I was getting booed.
02:35:38.000I was doing the Dirty at 12.30 show, which is fucking, it's South Point Casino, and it's a great room, it's a great crowd, but I just fucking thought you weren't feeling it.
02:35:46.000It was like 1 o'clock in the morning, and I fucking bombed for it.
02:42:10.000You know, a lot of people think that it's like kind of a chain thing, they're fucking up and ruining comedy, but they're also providing you a lot of goddamn work, man.
02:43:04.000They're trying to fucking lock it down.
02:43:06.000Especially if you're there in a week where no one's there, that's when it becomes readily apparent.
02:43:12.000The other side of town has a great comic, and then this side of town, the club's suffering, they have to decide what they're going to do.
02:43:19.000Because if you're going to work one or the other, if you're working one and they're doing well, or you work in the other club and then the other club's doing well, they have to go, hey, we're sucking it right now.
02:43:28.000And we're sucking it because the guy that we hire is now over there working for our enemy.
02:46:57.000If you do anything that's non-PC outside of work, some girl got fired because they took a picture on her Facebook of her boyfriend holding her tit.
02:47:59.000Like, say if you're a woman and you're working in some fucking office with some guy who tells dick jokes all the time and talks about fucking...
02:48:41.000It gets stifled because it has to get stifled.
02:48:44.000Because if you just go free-range, Wild Wild West style with your jokes, like you're doing a podcast or something, some people are going to get really fucking offended at you.
02:48:52.000But my question is, and here's what it was.
02:48:55.000It was probably a parent of a teacher that she had probably reprimanded.
02:48:58.000Who's like, oh, tell me how to raise my kid.
02:49:00.000Scrolling through her Facebook page and going, how dare a lady with a boyfriend having fun tell me how to raise my kid.