The Joe Rogan Experience - December 03, 2013


Joe Rogan Experience #424 - Brody Stevens


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 41 minutes

Words per Minute

185.45114

Word Count

29,904

Sentence Count

3,339

Misogynist Sentences

117


Summary

On today's episode of the pod, the brother and sister duo of Steve and Brody Stevens are joined by a special guest, comedian and friend of the show, Steven Shubin Jr. to talk about the latest craze of zombie kettlebells, battle ropes, and supplements. Also, the boys talk about how they met and how they became friends, and how Brody is now a regular on Comedy Central. And of course, they talk about a bunch of other stuff that's not important. Enjoy, and spread the word to your friends about this podcast! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. We'd like to learn a little more about you, the listeners. Please take a few minutes to fill out this brief survey. Rate/subscribe in Apple Podcasts! Rate, review, and subscribe to our new podcast on whatever platform you're listening to the podcast on. Have a question or topic you'd like us to discuss? or a general question for the boys to answer? hl=en_en_source=en&qid=2894607&source=thecast_id=1QQYQQQVQYVQRQQ&q=3P&qref=en We'll see you in the next week's episode with a question, and we'll answer it on the next episode! Timestamps: Thank you for listening to this episode of The boys! - Timest and - & Thanks for listening Cheers, Brian and Brodie Steve and Joe ( ) Joe & Brody Brian . Steven , Brody, Jeff, , & , and . . (and Jake, ) - Thank you, Joe, and Joe, (Thank you so much, and all of your support, and your support is so much love, and support, Cheers! & all the love & support, etc. - Cheers - - Joe & Joe, SONGS, - Thanks, Joe , etc., AND AYO, & BOBBY, AND THE PODCAST, & JOSEPH, and JUICY


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Steven Shubin Jr. who made some badass designs for the gorilla, orangutan, chimp, and the howler monkey.
00:00:07.000 And we've added to that zombie kettlebells.
00:00:10.000 Why?
00:00:10.000 Because we're trendy.
00:00:12.000 And zombies are in style.
00:00:13.000 Are these painted on?
00:00:15.000 No.
00:00:15.000 Pay attention.
00:00:16.000 You said they're zombies.
00:00:18.000 They're sculptures.
00:00:19.000 Look.
00:00:19.000 I'm not on the line.
00:00:20.000 I'm looking at it.
00:00:20.000 I'm not on the line.
00:00:22.000 I'm showing you a screen in front of your fat, stupid face.
00:00:24.000 But you yelled at me before you showed me the screen.
00:00:27.000 Brody, I'm trying to do a commercial.
00:00:28.000 That's all I'm trying to do here.
00:00:29.000 I'm letting you do them, Joe.
00:00:34.000 We sell battle ropes and supplements and all.
00:00:37.000 By the way, this is a shtick that Steve and Brody Stevens and I do.
00:00:40.000 We're not really upset at each other, ladies and gentlemen.
00:00:43.000 No way!
00:00:43.000 This is fun talk.
00:00:45.000 We're being fun.
00:00:46.000 Silly people that don't know, did you see the drama on the podcast today?
00:00:50.000 Brody, your apartment has tons of workout gear.
00:00:55.000 Do you have any of this shit?
00:00:57.000 Do you have any of these maces or clubs?
00:01:00.000 It's hard to look around.
00:01:02.000 What's the best angle for me?
00:01:04.000 Okay, I can see him up there.
00:01:05.000 I have one of the wheel balls on the lower right.
00:01:08.000 For abs?
00:01:09.000 Ab wheels?
00:01:10.000 Yeah, like an ab roller.
00:01:11.000 I guess it's an ab roller.
00:01:12.000 I have, it looks like a medicine ball.
00:01:14.000 I have a couple of those.
00:01:17.000 And I have kettle bells.
00:01:20.000 Yes.
00:01:21.000 I have a weighted vest.
00:01:22.000 Yes.
00:01:24.000 And that's probably it.
00:01:26.000 Oh, I have a jump rope.
00:01:27.000 I see that in the lower corner.
00:01:29.000 Have you ever tried battle ropes?
00:01:30.000 Those are yellow.
00:01:31.000 I do have ropes that I can tie up to my car.
00:01:35.000 They're ropes.
00:01:36.000 Are they heavy?
00:01:38.000 They're not necessarily heavy.
00:01:39.000 They're just more to be locked up on something.
00:01:42.000 Those may be way a lot.
00:01:43.000 I don't know.
00:01:44.000 Oh, so those are to pull?
00:01:46.000 Not ropes like this?
00:01:47.000 Big fat shipyard ropes?
00:01:49.000 Have you ever done these?
00:01:50.000 These kind of workouts?
00:01:51.000 Battle ropes?
00:01:51.000 No, I'd like to.
00:01:52.000 I've seen them.
00:01:52.000 Really fun.
00:01:53.000 Awesome.
00:01:54.000 Full body workout.
00:01:55.000 We have some videos available at Onnit.com.
00:01:57.000 You can learn how to do it.
00:01:58.000 It's fairly easy.
00:01:59.000 Just a bunch of different simple exercises.
00:02:01.000 Also, if you go online...
00:02:03.000 There you see the video that we have.
00:02:04.000 But if you go online, there's plenty of different workouts that you can follow along.
00:02:08.000 One of the coolest things about the internet, if you have questions about something, there's a lot of generous people out there that will give you their time for free and show you cool shit like this.
00:02:15.000 But battle ropes is a great exercise for functional strength and cardio.
00:02:19.000 Really good for martial artists.
00:02:21.000 If you're into striking or grappling, either one of them, you can benefit pretty substantially from a good kettlebell and battle rope workout.
00:02:30.000 We also sell supplements, all kinds of shit.
00:02:33.000 We call ourselves a human optimization website because we basically sell you all the shit that actually works as far as making different areas of your body work better, like Shroom Tech Sport, which is a great supplement for endurance.
00:02:49.000 It's based on the Cordyceps mushroom, a lot of vitamin B12 in there.
00:02:53.000 New Mood, which is based on 5-HTP supplements.
00:02:57.000 5-HTP and L-Tryptophan, which converts to 5-HTP. All those supplements.
00:03:02.000 We're good to go.
00:03:32.000 All day!
00:03:34.000 Boom!
00:03:34.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Steven Brody Stevens is here.
00:03:38.000 He's excited.
00:03:39.000 He's a new man.
00:03:41.000 He's on Comedy Central now.
00:03:43.000 People are finally starting to recognize your talent, Brody.
00:03:45.000 Feels good.
00:03:46.000 These motherfuckers.
00:03:47.000 They tried to hold you back for so long.
00:03:49.000 They were afraid of your originality, your unique talents, the vibe you give off, all the above.
00:03:54.000 You scared the public.
00:03:55.000 You scared the private.
00:03:57.000 I think at one point, maybe.
00:04:00.000 I mean, there have been times...
00:04:03.000 I'm going to ask one question before we move on.
00:04:06.000 Brian, are there going to be the monitors?
00:04:07.000 I get distracted sometimes.
00:04:09.000 What do you think I should do?
00:04:12.000 Yeah, maybe one of them.
00:04:13.000 The monitor over there, that's bothering you?
00:04:15.000 Yeah, I want to focus on Joe.
00:04:16.000 I get distracted.
00:04:18.000 Yeah, me too.
00:04:19.000 I did a podcast.
00:04:21.000 Let's shut them both off.
00:04:21.000 Fuck it.
00:04:22.000 We'll shut them both off unless we need something.
00:04:23.000 But doesn't Brian have to do that?
00:04:25.000 No, he doesn't have to do it.
00:04:26.000 Jamie, just shut them off.
00:04:26.000 We're without control.
00:04:27.000 All right, I'm just seeing that one.
00:04:28.000 There's new things these days.
00:04:30.000 Like this, I close my left eye, and then I'm good.
00:04:32.000 What do you see?
00:04:33.000 Because I can see that one, yeah.
00:04:34.000 That bothers you?
00:04:35.000 That's like a fucking hundred yards away.
00:04:37.000 I know, but it's like right in my...
00:04:39.000 What's the Tarzana hat?
00:04:40.000 It's distracting me.
00:04:42.000 It's kind of just a joke.
00:04:43.000 I did a show earlier, a visual live show, and I felt it would be funny to wear.
00:04:48.000 Like I said, I was telling Brian and these guys earlier, I feel like I have a three-day window to kind of goof around.
00:04:56.000 Again, I'm not going to wear this out in public, but I'll wear it on a show, I'll wear it on a podcast.
00:05:00.000 Three-day window to goof around?
00:05:01.000 Before what?
00:05:04.000 Well, before and after.
00:05:05.000 Having that Comedy Central show, I felt like...
00:05:09.000 Maybe before it, I could be a little more...
00:05:12.000 Not outgoing on Twitter, but make some statements, be real, get things off my chest.
00:05:18.000 Not go manic, but just kind of say...
00:05:20.000 I wanted to share with the audience kind of what was going on in my mind before something was going to happen.
00:05:28.000 Because I knew episode one was going to be good.
00:05:32.000 I knew that based on...
00:05:34.000 I had good reviews.
00:05:35.000 What is the show?
00:05:35.000 What's it called?
00:05:37.000 It's called Brody Stevens.
00:05:38.000 Enjoy it.
00:05:40.000 Great name.
00:05:41.000 Well, thank you.
00:05:42.000 And enjoy it, if you want to hear, it just came from my early years at Arizona State.
00:05:49.000 My freshman year, I would go to McDonald's, actually, on a Sunday and read the newspaper.
00:05:56.000 And the girl working there was just overly positive.
00:06:00.000 I'd order a Big Mac combo.
00:06:03.000 Hey guys, keep them off.
00:06:04.000 I was going to show you the trailer, if you wanted to see the trailer for Brody's new show.
00:06:08.000 Let's just talk for a while.
00:06:09.000 We'll show it later.
00:06:13.000 And she was just so nice, and she was slightly handicapped, but that's not the point.
00:06:18.000 I just remember she would slide it across the counter there, and she would go, enjoy!
00:06:24.000 And it's just like, wow!
00:06:26.000 She's really into her job, and it's McDonald's, and she doesn't have to be.
00:06:31.000 And then I saw her working at Wendy's around the corner.
00:06:35.000 This is a true story.
00:06:36.000 I went in there and ordered a Chocolate Frosty, which at the time wasn't available.
00:06:40.000 I updated that because at one point it was only Frosty's.
00:06:43.000 So anyway, Chocolate Frosty's.
00:06:44.000 You updated it yourself?
00:06:47.000 Yeah, well, back in the day, like chocolate Frosties and vanilla Frosties, there was only chocolate Frosty.
00:06:55.000 Right.
00:06:55.000 So when you go to Wendy's and you say, I'm going to get a chocolate Frosty, it was redundant because they didn't have other options.
00:07:01.000 This is in the 1988. Okay.
00:07:04.000 But anyway, going through the drive-thru, I get my drink and my food, the double-double, and she reaches out and she goes, enjoy.
00:07:12.000 Same lady.
00:07:14.000 Different restaurant, fast food.
00:07:16.000 Well, I guess that was her living.
00:07:18.000 Maybe she worked double shifts.
00:07:20.000 And it just stuck in my mind, enjoy.
00:07:23.000 And then I brought it around the baseball team at Arizona State and was like, enjoy, enjoy it, enjoy that, enjoy us.
00:07:29.000 It just kind of took a life of its own.
00:07:31.000 That's beautiful.
00:07:32.000 She stepped up.
00:07:33.000 She went from McDonald's to Wendy's.
00:07:35.000 Wendy's is probably a higher quality burger.
00:07:37.000 If I have to choose between the two.
00:07:39.000 Yeah, Wendy's you feel like you're getting a little bit...
00:07:42.000 Yeah, it's a better patty.
00:07:44.000 Yeah, it's a better patty and better taste and probably a better gig.
00:07:48.000 And you're sitting down there.
00:07:49.000 It's a little more warm.
00:07:51.000 It's more wood panel.
00:07:54.000 You'll find that.
00:07:55.000 It's more country.
00:07:56.000 It reminds you of that one dude that used to be in all those commercials.
00:07:59.000 Dave, right?
00:08:00.000 Dave.
00:08:01.000 He used to play Santa Claus for me because my mommy's worked for the headquarters and he would dress up as Santa Claus every year.
00:08:05.000 And as a kid, I have all these photos of me on his lap, him dressed up as Santa Claus and me crying and stuff.
00:08:10.000 Whoa, the Wendy's guy made you cry.
00:08:11.000 Yeah.
00:08:12.000 Were you just crying and everything?
00:08:14.000 The wind's blowing.
00:08:15.000 Have you seen the new Wendy's girl?
00:08:17.000 Why would you be crying about Santa Claus?
00:08:19.000 Because I was like three or four.
00:08:21.000 You know what I mean?
00:08:22.000 Three-year-olds just cry at anything.
00:08:23.000 Yeah, but it has me all the way up to like 14. I have a picture of me old.
00:08:27.000 So that's where Enjoy It came from.
00:08:30.000 That's where that title came from.
00:08:32.000 It's a good one.
00:08:33.000 Around the baseball team, Enjoy It, yes.
00:08:36.000 And guys picked up on it.
00:08:37.000 And there's a couple other phrases.
00:08:39.000 Simple was another one.
00:08:40.000 We'd play video games and...
00:08:41.000 I'm just better than you.
00:08:44.000 Simple.
00:08:45.000 So it was kind of like that.
00:08:47.000 Simple.
00:08:47.000 So we had simple.
00:08:49.000 Enjoy it.
00:08:50.000 Because when you play baseball, and you have to be vocal, supporting your teammates, and you're in the dugout quite a bit, and you just come up with funny stuff.
00:08:59.000 I was able to rag other teams.
00:09:01.000 You know, obviously not cursing or anything like that, but...
00:09:04.000 Make fun of batters or make fun of a third baseman or another pitcher kind of thing.
00:09:10.000 So you had these little catchphrases.
00:09:12.000 Yeah, I got better at it.
00:09:13.000 At first, I was bad.
00:09:14.000 It was like, comb your hair!
00:09:16.000 It's like, Brody, no, you're going to have to...
00:09:20.000 Take the game off.
00:09:21.000 You gotta step up your phrase game.
00:09:23.000 Yeah, you learn.
00:09:24.000 You stick with numbers.
00:09:25.000 That's good.
00:09:26.000 Like 22, deuces, 11, sticks, legs, ones, arms.
00:09:32.000 You just have fun.
00:09:33.000 I had fun with, like, joking with numbers.
00:09:35.000 These are the things you would yell out while the game's going on?
00:09:37.000 Is that what it is?
00:09:38.000 Yeah, supporting your teammates.
00:09:40.000 So, like, Rogan's at the plate.
00:09:41.000 You're wearing number 11. Rogan, yes!
00:09:43.000 Here we go!
00:09:44.000 Sticks!
00:09:45.000 Let's do it!
00:09:46.000 Making contact.
00:09:49.000 Great hat!
00:09:51.000 I don't know what else I would say.
00:09:52.000 Did you put work into this?
00:09:52.000 Or is this just something that you just sort of picked up along the way?
00:09:56.000 Well, I would...
00:09:57.000 Well, I guess I kind of work at it, but I would pick it up along the way.
00:10:00.000 Yeah, with you, I would say numbers.
00:10:02.000 I wouldn't say, come on, Rogan.
00:10:03.000 I wouldn't say it like that.
00:10:04.000 I'd go, come on, buddy!
00:10:05.000 I'd say that.
00:10:07.000 But then I would do the...
00:10:08.000 Then I would do...
00:10:09.000 Jesus, Brody!
00:10:10.000 You spilled all over yourself.
00:10:12.000 You know why?
00:10:13.000 I'll tell you why.
00:10:13.000 You panic?
00:10:13.000 You panic?
00:10:14.000 No, I'm not manic.
00:10:15.000 I've been dumping drinks over.
00:10:16.000 I said panic, P-A-N. Oh, I'm manic and panic.
00:10:19.000 But you know what?
00:10:20.000 These are Quicksilver amphibious shorts.
00:10:22.000 You can wear them in the water.
00:10:25.000 Oh, this is what's called a secret plug.
00:10:27.000 I see what you did.
00:10:28.000 I'd love to work with Quicksilver.
00:10:28.000 You threw water on yourself on purpose to get Quicksilver to sponsor your Comedy Central show.
00:10:34.000 You're a very smart guy in that respect.
00:10:36.000 Jason Kidd of the Nets did that.
00:10:37.000 Who is Jason Kidd?
00:10:38.000 I know you wouldn't know it.
00:10:39.000 That's for somebody who knows it out there.
00:10:41.000 Somebody who knows it.
00:10:41.000 What did he do?
00:10:43.000 He spilt water on the court to kind of delay the game.
00:10:46.000 Yeah, against the Lakers the other night.
00:10:48.000 Because they were losing and they had to get a timeout or something.
00:10:51.000 And so once he spilled the court, water on it, they had to clean it up.
00:10:56.000 And while they were cleaning it up, they designed a play.
00:10:58.000 It's like kind of cheating.
00:10:59.000 There's been a bunch of things over the years where guys have done various things in the octagon that were illegal to make things more slippery.
00:11:09.000 Oh, like Vaseline or something?
00:11:11.000 Yeah, but in the UFC, when you throw water on the canvas, it actually gives you more traction.
00:11:15.000 Oh, it does?
00:11:15.000 Yeah, guys actually throw water on the ground before they fight, and then they step in the water.
00:11:19.000 Is that legal or no?
00:11:20.000 Yes.
00:11:21.000 Okay, and it's all good.
00:11:22.000 Yeah, it's not bad.
00:11:23.000 You're not supposed to pour too much water on yourself.
00:11:26.000 Sometimes you'll see the referee drying a guy off before he goes out for the next round.
00:11:30.000 Yeah, because say if you're fighting a grappler and you come out completely soaking wet, Like literally stripping wet.
00:11:38.000 It's way harder to grab you.
00:11:39.000 You're slippery.
00:11:40.000 You slip out of things.
00:11:41.000 Makes sense.
00:11:42.000 Like you're in the swimming pool.
00:11:43.000 Yeah, and that slipperiness can make the difference between a submission and an escape.
00:11:47.000 It's a big deal.
00:11:48.000 Yeah.
00:11:49.000 It's a pretty big factor.
00:11:50.000 Oil.
00:11:50.000 A lot of guys have oiled them.
00:11:51.000 They oil up like baby oil?
00:11:54.000 Yeah, you know what they do?
00:11:55.000 That's cheating, right?
00:11:56.000 Yes.
00:11:57.000 One of the things that guys have done is they, it's been rumored, that they lie in mineral baths at night.
00:12:04.000 So they take this bath with mineral oils and they just soak in it for fucking hours.
00:12:09.000 Like an hour or whatever.
00:12:11.000 And then they take a shower.
00:12:12.000 Okay.
00:12:12.000 And then when they sweat the next day, even though their skin is dry when they start out, when they sweat, they're just slippery as fuck.
00:12:19.000 Oh, they're slippery.
00:12:20.000 But they're not technically illegal.
00:12:22.000 They're not technically illegal because they are clean.
00:12:25.000 Like if you touch them, you're not going to feel like an oily...
00:12:29.000 There's no health benefit from it?
00:12:31.000 Well, I'm sure it's probably good for your skin.
00:12:33.000 Really?
00:12:33.000 It keeps you lovely.
00:12:35.000 I try, you know, take a mineral oil bath.
00:12:37.000 There was a guy who was actually kicked out of corners, I don't know, for life or what.
00:12:43.000 But it was for a long time, because he was rubbing Vaseline on guys.
00:12:47.000 He would do this chest massage thing, and while he was doing it, he was rubbing Vaseline on them.
00:12:51.000 He'd rub their neck, and he was rubbing Vaseline on them.
00:12:54.000 He was actually making them more slippery.
00:12:57.000 GSP, right?
00:12:57.000 Blatant.
00:12:58.000 Yeah, it was his corner man.
00:12:59.000 It was blatant.
00:13:01.000 They were saying that they were doing this...
00:13:03.000 There's a guy who used to work with fighters that claimed to be like a witch doctor.
00:13:08.000 They called him the witch doctor.
00:13:09.000 And he had this whole series of things that he would do to guys to align their chakras and shit.
00:13:14.000 I don't know.
00:13:15.000 Angelo Dundee?
00:13:17.000 No!
00:13:17.000 I don't remember the gentleman's name.
00:13:20.000 But he used to rub dudes' chests in a circle and pat their neck.
00:13:24.000 And his corner man was doing that right after he applied Vaseline to his face.
00:13:28.000 So whether or not it was intentional, only he knows that.
00:13:31.000 But what he was doing was this voodoo move with Vaseline on his hand.
00:13:35.000 Oh, it's kind of...
00:13:36.000 So it's kind of illegal, and he might not have realized he had just put Vaseline on his face.
00:13:41.000 Anderson Silva did it once, too.
00:13:42.000 He wiped Vaseline off of his face and put it on his chest and his arms, like in front of everybody.
00:13:46.000 I mean, don't they do that in boxing?
00:13:48.000 They put Vaseline all over?
00:13:49.000 Yeah, but it's a big difference.
00:13:50.000 On your face is okay.
00:13:51.000 Oh, it is okay.
00:13:51.000 The big difference is having it on your arms and chest.
00:13:54.000 Gotcha.
00:13:55.000 Because then if guys go to clinch up with you, you slip away from them.
00:13:58.000 And, you know, Anderson did it, like, really blatantly in one fight.
00:14:01.000 Oh, really?
00:14:02.000 Yeah, but they don't let him do it anymore.
00:14:04.000 You know, you've got to realize MMA is only 20 years old.
00:14:07.000 We just celebrated, the UFC celebrated its 20th anniversary.
00:14:10.000 So, like, there's a lot of rules that have to get made up along the way.
00:14:14.000 It's evolving.
00:14:15.000 Still some fuckery afoot, Brody Stevens.
00:14:18.000 But you know what?
00:14:19.000 It's probably the sport.
00:14:21.000 It's not going to change all that much over the years, I don't think.
00:14:24.000 It could use a few changes.
00:14:25.000 It could use a few changes.
00:14:27.000 But it might be, say, like a golf or a tennis, which is kind of, you know, over the years, I guess, they're gentlemen sports.
00:14:35.000 MMA will never be that.
00:14:37.000 You don't think so?
00:14:38.000 You think it will evolve into different rules or different?
00:14:41.000 No, it's always going to be really primal because that's what What its appeal is.
00:14:45.000 And in this watered-down society where everything's nerfed and the whole world is fucking sanitary, there's one sport where shit gets real.
00:14:52.000 It's real as fuck.
00:14:53.000 And it does.
00:14:54.000 Two dudes who are pushing themselves for five minutes per round.
00:14:57.000 And in a championship match, you're talking about 25 minutes of Ferocity and kinetic energy and just thinking and sweat and blood and injuries and gutting through things and trying to overcome.
00:15:11.000 I mean, it's a fucking...
00:15:12.000 It's primal as primal gets.
00:15:14.000 The most exciting sport of all time.
00:15:17.000 Right up there with baseball.
00:15:20.000 How dare you?
00:15:21.000 How dare you even compare those...
00:15:24.000 Yeah, no shit.
00:15:25.000 That's what I always...
00:15:26.000 When people complain about ground fighting, a guy holding a guy down the ground...
00:15:29.000 And I'm like, as boring as it is, it's not as boring as baseball.
00:15:31.000 Well, baseball...
00:15:33.000 You watch that, you fuck.
00:15:33.000 I don't watch a lot of baseball.
00:15:35.000 You watch plenty.
00:15:36.000 No, I like going to...
00:15:37.000 You watch too much.
00:15:38.000 No, I don't.
00:15:38.000 How much?
00:15:39.000 Not very much.
00:15:40.000 How much is not very much?
00:15:43.000 Um...
00:15:43.000 I don't...
00:15:44.000 I mean, I don't...
00:15:44.000 Honestly...
00:15:45.000 Give me a number.
00:15:46.000 I just don't...
00:15:46.000 I don't watch a lot of TV. Don't lie to America, Brody Stevens.
00:15:49.000 I'll tell you what I like about baseball.
00:15:50.000 I like going down early before the fans get there.
00:15:53.000 Hanging out with the team.
00:15:55.000 Watching the batting practice.
00:15:56.000 Playing grab ass.
00:15:58.000 If you want to call it that.
00:16:00.000 10%.
00:16:00.000 Having fun.
00:16:01.000 Brody.
00:16:02.000 That's what I like.
00:16:03.000 Then stay for a few innings and then go home.
00:16:05.000 Well, it seems like your sense of humor actually was kind of developed from the camaraderie of hanging out with guys that you were playing with.
00:16:13.000 So that makes sense that you would enjoy that camaraderie.
00:16:16.000 Enjoy it!
00:16:17.000 Enjoy it!
00:16:20.000 Simple.
00:16:20.000 Simple.
00:16:21.000 Making everybody laugh.
00:16:23.000 You got it.
00:16:24.000 Push.
00:16:24.000 That camaraderie of teammates working out together, hanging out together.
00:16:29.000 People who've never experienced that sort of environment, they don't really totally understand it, do they?
00:16:35.000 I would think not, only because, yeah, I got to play baseball.
00:16:40.000 First of all, at Arizona State, we're flying around.
00:16:44.000 We had to be professionals and represent a university.
00:16:48.000 And then, yeah, going off to play in the summertime up to Alaska, and you're up there, and you're...
00:16:54.000 Meeting guys from different schools, and yeah, you're traveling, you're sharing hotel rooms, and a lot of those experiences, yeah, and then the locker room stuff, and the parties, and the jokes on the bus, and yeah, getting in trouble as a team,
00:17:10.000 you know.
00:17:13.000 That helped, yes, define who I am.
00:17:15.000 It defined, I enjoyed that, yes.
00:17:18.000 You know, having that.
00:17:19.000 Yeah, I think that that's something that everybody could use.
00:17:21.000 I think that's one of the benefits of competing in a sport, is that you go and you hang out with a bunch of people that are also doing the same thing, and you learn together.
00:17:29.000 You know, I think that's missing from a lot of people, man.
00:17:31.000 I think that's missing from a lot of people that never get involved in sports.
00:17:34.000 Yeah, I would, after my freshman year, I would always, because I wasn't a top guy, so I didn't get the instruction.
00:17:44.000 From the coaches, like the top recruits.
00:17:46.000 So I would go to the other pitchers, the senior pitchers, and I'd say, can you guys help me out a little bit with my mechanics?
00:17:52.000 And there's a big window where you can look in and work on your throwing mechanics.
00:17:58.000 And these guys would work with me.
00:17:59.000 So I knew the coach was focusing on these other guys, and I never got upset about, oh, I'm not in the game, I'm not good enough.
00:18:06.000 I just said I want to become...
00:18:09.000 The best pitcher I could be and work on my mechanics.
00:18:12.000 What's the difference in pitching between the really awesome dudes, the guys who get scouted, and a guy like you?
00:18:19.000 What's the difference?
00:18:20.000 I did get scouted, but I would say what they look for today is probably size.
00:18:28.000 Is a guy going to fill into his body?
00:18:33.000 Having long arms, good attitude.
00:18:37.000 Is their motion going to be where they're not going to hurt their shoulder or hurt their arms?
00:18:43.000 So their motion as far as the way they throw.
00:18:46.000 Yeah, you can see a guy how he throws.
00:18:48.000 Naturally, he may throw...
00:18:51.000 Strange where I can see an injury coming on if he doesn't adjust that.
00:18:56.000 Whereas some guys have perfect, smooth mechanics.
00:19:00.000 So is there a very specific technique when it comes to throwing a hardball?
00:19:04.000 I think there's specific techniques, yes.
00:19:09.000 Within that, there's some coaches and some philosophies that have variations on that.
00:19:16.000 But there's a few famous guys who deviate, right?
00:19:18.000 They throw sidearm.
00:19:20.000 Yeah, they're sidearmers.
00:19:21.000 I mean, a sidearmor could be...
00:19:24.000 Yeah, they just get more action.
00:19:26.000 They throw over the top and they're an okay pitcher, but they figured out to throw sidearm and that puts different action on the ball and some guys, yeah, can't do that or don't want to do that or...
00:19:37.000 You don't have to show baseball games.
00:19:38.000 That's Brody pitching at Arizona State.
00:19:41.000 Brody, you're on YouTube?
00:19:42.000 I guess.
00:19:43.000 I have one video of me pitching on YouTube.
00:19:45.000 How did you do?
00:19:46.000 I gave up a home run.
00:19:47.000 It's just the alumni game.
00:19:49.000 It's the only time you've ever pitched?
00:19:51.000 No, I pitched.
00:19:53.000 I think my record was 4-1.
00:19:56.000 I pitched three years.
00:19:57.000 I was injured here and there, but I pitched.
00:19:59.000 I was 4-1.
00:20:00.000 I think I had a few saves.
00:20:02.000 My ERA was three-point-something.
00:20:04.000 I had 28 strikeouts and...
00:20:06.000 Maybe I had 31. I had more strikeouts per innings, and I had 11 walks.
00:20:12.000 What's that one crazy surgery that baseball players get sometimes elective?
00:20:16.000 Tommy John surgery.
00:20:17.000 How does that work?
00:20:18.000 You take a ligament out of your wrist and you put it in your elbow?
00:20:21.000 Is that what it is?
00:20:22.000 Yeah, that's kind of what it was.
00:20:24.000 Back in the day, they would say you hurt your right arm.
00:20:27.000 They would probably take the palmaris tendon at the time.
00:20:31.000 So they'd usually take it out of your left wrist.
00:20:34.000 And they would put it in your right elbow.
00:20:36.000 And they would do a figure eight kind of and tighten it up.
00:20:40.000 Boom.
00:20:40.000 That's the Tommy John.
00:20:42.000 Now, they'll take maybe a...
00:20:46.000 A ligament from your leg, or maybe a dead body, or even the same arm, and they put it in there.
00:20:52.000 So over the years, it's gotten, I think the surgery has become more commonplace.
00:20:58.000 Right, but it's an elective surgery on some guys.
00:21:00.000 Some guys, they don't even have an injury.
00:21:02.000 They do it because it gives them more power.
00:21:04.000 I would say no.
00:21:06.000 I would say...
00:21:07.000 What do you mean no?
00:21:08.000 I know guys have done it.
00:21:10.000 Baseball players.
00:21:11.000 Yes.
00:21:11.000 That have said, my arm's fine.
00:21:13.000 Yeah, guys have done it.
00:21:14.000 I mean, I don't know if it's been high-level pros, but I know I was reading an article about, okay, it's called a Tommy John surgery.
00:21:20.000 Mm-hmm.
00:21:22.000 Who shares the same birthday as me.
00:21:23.000 Oh my goodness.
00:21:25.000 Tommy John.
00:21:25.000 And I had surgery too.
00:21:27.000 He's so similar.
00:21:28.000 Tommy John surgery, the next steroid.
00:21:30.000 Look at this.
00:21:31.000 When it comes to high school and college sports, young athletes often yearn for bigger muscles to enhance their performance.
00:21:36.000 But for student baseball pitchers, strength isn't so much of a goal as it is speed, throwing speed.
00:21:41.000 And now student athletes looking for a way to get extra boost in their pitching arm have been putting their hopes in an elective surgery called the ulnar collateral ligament reconstruction, more famously known as Tommy John surgery.
00:21:53.000 I had something very similar to that.
00:21:56.000 Okay, it says that?
00:21:57.000 Yes, they're doing it on purpose.
00:21:59.000 Well, I've read many articles about this.
00:22:01.000 This isn't like a secret.
00:22:02.000 Are these high schoolers?
00:22:03.000 These are, yes, high school and college athletes.
00:22:06.000 Okay.
00:22:07.000 Thank you for bringing that up, and I know this is a Joe Rogan experience, and you're going to learn stuff, and I learned that.
00:22:14.000 If you're asking me right now, 2013, is there a major leaguer?
00:22:21.000 That has, electively, like one of these kids in high school, and we know we have a problem with high schools and parents and the pressure of all that.
00:22:30.000 Is there a major leaguer?
00:22:33.000 Currently, or within the past year or two, who has electively gone, non-injury, electively taken that surgery and continued to be in the major leagues and maybe improved.
00:22:48.000 My guess is no.
00:22:50.000 That's my instinct.
00:22:51.000 That's my guess is that it has not happened.
00:22:55.000 But, you know, we'll see what happens with this high school kid or these college kids.
00:22:59.000 Why do you think no, though, if all these kids are getting it done?
00:23:01.000 You don't think that some people have gotten that done?
00:23:06.000 Why would you say that?
00:23:07.000 Well, here's the deal.
00:23:10.000 If you tear your ligament, you need the surgery.
00:23:14.000 That's a fact.
00:23:15.000 If you have the ligament and it's chronic, it's not necessarily torn, it's worn down, it's off the bone, you're probably going to need the surgery.
00:23:27.000 And the reason why these guys come back stronger, it's not because the ligament is stronger.
00:23:33.000 I mean, that may have something to do with it, but a lot of people also think it's the training.
00:23:38.000 Because you hurt your elbow, you're going to have to really go extra and out of the way to make sure that elbow is strong.
00:23:46.000 So when you're doing the rehab, you're reaching into the ice, you're doing all...
00:23:50.000 The ultrasound on your elbow, the exercises.
00:23:53.000 You're doing extra, actually.
00:23:55.000 And that's another reason why people come back stronger.
00:23:58.000 And I do think that, yeah, it doesn't make you bionic, but a lot of guys have come back for that surgery and have thrown harder and have continued their career.
00:24:10.000 I think it's yet to be known if a guy who elects to do it in high school or college, it's going to make him throw harder.
00:24:18.000 If they're hurting and they got it, I understand.
00:24:21.000 If they're having chronic pains in their elbow and their mechanics are such where it's not going to get better, it's only going to get worse.
00:24:28.000 So you better adjust your mechanics, and on top of that, yeah, let's get the Tommy John surgery and see what happens.
00:24:34.000 Well, I think the surgery has been proven to have a significant effect on the mechanics of your arm.
00:24:39.000 I think it makes your arm stronger.
00:24:40.000 It makes it throw faster.
00:24:42.000 I don't agree.
00:24:43.000 Well, I don't know if you know that, Brody, because I don't think you've got it done.
00:24:47.000 And all these people, these doctors are saying it.
00:24:49.000 All these doctors are saying it.
00:24:50.000 They're not pitchers.
00:24:52.000 Yeah, but they're working with pitchers.
00:24:54.000 They're talking about getting this done.
00:24:58.000 It takes a year to recover.
00:25:00.000 Yeah, almost two years, actually.
00:25:02.000 Almost two.
00:25:03.000 Most guys come back fully strength, back to normal, a year and a half to two years.
00:25:09.000 It puts more strength in your elbow, and the risks are that sometimes after their elbow gets reconstructed or just they add this additional ligament, it becomes permanently stiff.
00:25:21.000 And their muscles tear or they can have something called iatrogenic, physician-induced problems with their elbows because of the surgery.
00:25:30.000 See?
00:25:30.000 That's not good.
00:25:31.000 No, it's not good.
00:25:32.000 But it's fascinating that people are doing this, that guys are going to...
00:25:36.000 It's not a small trend, either.
00:25:38.000 There's quite a few guys that are going to the doctor, and they think...
00:25:43.000 The doctor's explaining the rehabilitation process and how long it takes, and it'll take up to a year to recover, is what they're saying.
00:25:53.000 But they're saying that it does have a significant impact.
00:26:01.000 On...
00:26:02.000 It's my phone.
00:26:03.000 But throwing harder?
00:26:04.000 Yeah.
00:26:05.000 I don't agree.
00:26:06.000 Okay.
00:26:07.000 It's my opinion.
00:26:08.000 It might allow you to whip your arm more, like more arm whip.
00:26:14.000 But arm whip is not...
00:26:16.000 I mean, that's going to add a mile or two.
00:26:20.000 But I'm not a believer in it.
00:26:23.000 I want to see a major leaguer that has that done and...
00:26:29.000 Electively, with no injury.
00:26:32.000 I had the surgery done.
00:26:34.000 I didn't have a tear.
00:26:35.000 I had chronic injuries in my elbow.
00:26:37.000 My elbow wasn't getting better.
00:26:39.000 I had bad mechanics.
00:26:40.000 I got an MRI. And they go, you know what?
00:26:42.000 The ligament, I see damage in there.
00:26:44.000 I can't tell.
00:26:46.000 There is damage in your elbow.
00:26:48.000 And he asked me, you may need Tommy John surgery.
00:26:51.000 Do you want to take the tendon out of your left wrist?
00:26:55.000 And I go, yes.
00:26:56.000 And they did the surgery.
00:26:58.000 And he saw that my ligament was intact, and he stapled it back down to the bone, and he tightened me up.
00:27:05.000 That wasn't the Tommy John surgery, but...
00:27:09.000 A lot of people agree with you, apparently, also about the rehabilitation, that that's really what's helping them, and that it's not necessarily the throwing harder.
00:27:18.000 It's not necessarily the ligament, but that it might just be the rehabilitation, the emphasis that you put into rehabilitation.
00:27:24.000 That, yeah.
00:27:25.000 But maybe you can do that on your run.
00:27:28.000 Why don't you do that in any way?
00:27:29.000 Yeah, I think it's actually pretty controversial.
00:27:32.000 I'm going to ask around.
00:27:34.000 Yeah.
00:27:34.000 I wouldn't do it.
00:27:36.000 I would wait until you have a chronic injury or it pops and tears.
00:27:41.000 Like, you know you did it.
00:27:43.000 You know, mine was a chronic buildup thing.
00:27:45.000 And it was due to bad mechanics.
00:27:47.000 So, if you have bad mechanics...
00:27:50.000 And you get this elective surgery ahead of time, you're still going to have bad mechanics.
00:27:54.000 And you know what?
00:27:55.000 Some people have to get a second surgery.
00:27:57.000 It's not just the one time.
00:27:58.000 You can tear it again, actually.
00:28:00.000 Yeah, that's super common with knees.
00:28:02.000 Guys who have ACL reconstructions, they blow it out all the time.
00:28:06.000 I can think of several fighters.
00:28:07.000 Dominic Cruz, current Bantamweight champion, had his ACL reconstructed, blew it out, had to have it done again.
00:28:14.000 So he's been out almost two years.
00:28:15.000 When he fights Hennon Burrell, they unify the title.
00:28:18.000 Burrell, they had to crown an interim champion.
00:28:21.000 So Hennon Burrell and Michael McDonald went after it.
00:28:24.000 Great fight.
00:28:25.000 And Hennon Burrell became the interim champion.
00:28:28.000 And now, because he's the interim champion...
00:28:31.000 Or is it...
00:28:32.000 No.
00:28:32.000 Who did he win the title from?
00:28:33.000 Am I wrong about that?
00:28:35.000 I might be wrong about that.
00:28:37.000 Michael McDonald challenged for the title.
00:28:39.000 I think Burrell beat somebody else for the title.
00:28:42.000 But anyway...
00:28:47.000 The instances of guys getting their knees reconstructed and blowing them out again is real high.
00:28:52.000 The same knee?
00:28:54.000 Yeah, same knee.
00:28:55.000 Or the other knee.
00:28:55.000 I've had both my knees reconstructed.
00:28:57.000 Derek Rose, I don't know if you follow basketball, he blew out his left knee.
00:29:02.000 He's on the Bulls, and he's a $100 million player.
00:29:07.000 And he blew out his knee, I guess his left, one of his knees, and he took a year off, and people gave him a hard time because people do come back, actually, after nine or ten months with an ACL. And he didn't come back.
00:29:19.000 And then he came back this year and he was playing and he did the same thing to his other knee.
00:29:26.000 I was Hennenborough.
00:29:28.000 I was incorrect.
00:29:29.000 He defended against Michael McDonald.
00:29:31.000 He won the title with a decision over Uriah Faber.
00:29:33.000 I should have known that.
00:29:34.000 That was way back in July of 2012. So Dominick Cruz has been rehabbing all this time, sitting on the sidelines, even before then, because they had to come up with an interim title back then.
00:29:46.000 The poor guy's been out for two whole years.
00:29:48.000 It's crazy.
00:29:49.000 Due to these knee issues.
00:29:51.000 Knee issues, man.
00:29:52.000 And with him, it's very important because his style, he's probably got the most elaborate footwork style in all of MMA. The dude is tireless.
00:30:01.000 And he goes five rounds of constant moving.
00:30:04.000 It's one of the problems with fighting him.
00:30:05.000 He's never there.
00:30:06.000 He's like a will-o'-the-wisp.
00:30:07.000 You know, his footwork is spectacular.
00:30:10.000 So a guy who's coming back from...
00:30:12.000 Essentially, two significant operations to his knee and two years on the shelf, and he's got that crazy style.
00:30:19.000 But you know, knees, you're hearing guys like Kobe Bryant going to Germany and getting some of that, whatever they do in Germany.
00:30:27.000 I had it done.
00:30:28.000 I had it done here in America.
00:30:29.000 It's called Regenokene.
00:30:30.000 I had it done on my neck.
00:30:31.000 It's fantastic.
00:30:32.000 It does work.
00:30:32.000 It's amazing.
00:30:35.000 It's called Regenokene or Orthokene in Germany.
00:30:40.000 Regenokine, Keen, whatever the fuck it is.
00:30:42.000 They take your blood out.
00:30:43.000 They take a lot of it, like almost a liter.
00:30:45.000 And then they expose it to environmental factors and spin it in a centrifuge.
00:30:49.000 And in doing that, it produces this reaction to the heat that they expose it to.
00:30:54.000 It produces this yellow liquid, which is the most potent anti-inflammatory drug known to man.
00:30:59.000 And it's produced by your own body.
00:31:02.000 Cool.
00:31:02.000 So it's amazing stuff.
00:31:04.000 And they now do it in Santa Monica.
00:31:08.000 They do it in Dallas.
00:31:10.000 I think they do it in Vegas now as well.
00:31:13.000 But fighters are experiencing miraculous results with this.
00:31:16.000 I know Chris Weidman had it done on his knees.
00:31:19.000 A lot of different fighters are getting it done at different parts of their body, their backs especially.
00:31:23.000 So they're waiting until they're injured to do it.
00:31:25.000 Oh yeah, there's no benefit if you weren't injured.
00:31:27.000 It's just anti-inflammatory.
00:31:29.000 But don't take it unless you are hurt.
00:31:32.000 Right.
00:31:32.000 But the people who are hurt, like elbow injuries, sore elbows, sore knees, they experience profound changes because of this.
00:31:39.000 It's really amazing stuff.
00:31:40.000 And it's healthy.
00:31:41.000 Oh, it's totally healthy.
00:31:42.000 Okay, that's good to know.
00:31:43.000 It's your blood.
00:31:44.000 It's your own body.
00:31:45.000 There's nothing dangerous about it whatsoever.
00:31:47.000 But what's really fascinating is that these guys are figuring out all these different ways to get your body to heal itself.
00:31:53.000 I mean, that's essentially what they're doing.
00:31:55.000 They're reintroducing your body's own anti-inflammatory response to get it to fix itself.
00:32:00.000 That's amazing, man.
00:32:01.000 That's incredible shit.
00:32:05.000 And they're doing this now?
00:32:07.000 What are they going to have in two years?
00:32:08.000 What are they going to have in five years?
00:32:10.000 What will they have?
00:32:12.000 I think within our lifetimes, we're going to see genetic manipulation to the point where they can alter your frame.
00:32:19.000 You're hearing that kind of stuff.
00:32:22.000 HGH, for example, that is available to the public?
00:32:25.000 No.
00:32:26.000 It's not?
00:32:27.000 No.
00:32:28.000 There's certain companies that are starting to make...
00:32:32.000 It's called secretagogue.
00:32:34.000 It's an HGH that is...
00:32:39.000 I don't even know if you have to get a doctor's prescription because what it does is it stimulates your body's own production of HDH using a certain combination of amino acids and minerals.
00:32:49.000 And you can definitely stimulate the growth of it with amino acids.
00:32:53.000 That's pretty much been proven that you could raise your levels significantly where you could see it will show up several percent.
00:33:00.000 And you would get benefit out of that.
00:33:02.000 But as far as like...
00:33:03.000 Real human growth hormone?
00:33:04.000 Yeah.
00:33:06.000 Somatropin and that kind of stuff.
00:33:07.000 I guess.
00:33:07.000 You have to get it from a doctor.
00:33:08.000 Okay, so it is available.
00:33:10.000 It has to be prescribed.
00:33:11.000 In most sports, it's illegal.
00:33:12.000 Okay, so it's prescribed.
00:33:14.000 And I know they have these, what, anti-aging clinics in Florida and the guys got them.
00:33:18.000 Exactly.
00:33:19.000 That's where these guys go.
00:33:20.000 Is that...
00:33:21.000 Good for you?
00:33:22.000 And is that something that people take and it works?
00:33:27.000 Well, it's not a blank statement.
00:33:28.000 Is salt good for you?
00:33:29.000 Yes.
00:33:30.000 Salt is an essential mineral.
00:33:31.000 It is good for you?
00:33:31.000 Okay.
00:33:31.000 But if you eat a pound, you're dead.
00:33:33.000 Right.
00:33:33.000 So, you know, by asking, is HGH or is human growth hormone testosterone at these anti-aging things?
00:33:39.000 Small doses.
00:33:39.000 Yes.
00:33:40.000 If you're doing it correctly, yes, it is good for you.
00:33:42.000 But it also improves performance, without a doubt.
00:33:45.000 And the question is, should you be allowed to do that and compete in sports?
00:33:49.000 Right.
00:33:50.000 I don't know.
00:33:51.000 There's a big argument with that right now in fighting because of testosterone use exemptions.
00:33:57.000 And it's a very controversial subject with a lot of different opinions on both sides.
00:34:01.000 And there's fighters that are taking testosterone and it helps them recover.
00:34:05.000 It definitely is good for you if you take it.
00:34:08.000 It'll definitely help you recover.
00:34:10.000 What's the difference between you taking and you recovering quicker and a guy who might have the same levels as you and doesn't take anything?
00:34:17.000 And when you're training all the time, your body gets beaten down.
00:34:21.000 And your body has naturally low levels because you're pushing it to the limit.
00:34:24.000 You're trying to get your body to respond.
00:34:26.000 You have to make sure you sleep 10 hours, 12 hours a night.
00:34:28.000 You gotta make sure you drink shitloads of water.
00:34:31.000 You gotta make sure your nutrition is on point, super clean.
00:34:34.000 And if you do all those things, you can maximize your hormone levels naturally if you're a young, healthy man.
00:34:39.000 But if you don't do that, if you don't get the right sleep, if you're stressed out, if you don't eat right, if you overtrain, you can easily show low levels.
00:34:47.000 You go to a doctor and the doctor says, well, you've got low testosterone, son.
00:34:50.000 We're going to give you a testosterone use exemption and you'll be better than ever.
00:34:54.000 You will be better than ever.
00:34:55.000 That's true.
00:34:56.000 But the question becomes, when is it...
00:34:59.000 When should it be illegal?
00:35:00.000 And then where do we stop?
00:35:01.000 Because there's a lot of testosterone supplements that you can take that are natural, over-the-counter stuff.
00:35:07.000 There's a lot of different ingredients in testosterone boosters that have been showed to have fairly significant increases in your body's ability to produce testosterone.
00:35:16.000 I'd start with that.
00:35:17.000 Yeah, but the problem is, where does it end, is my point.
00:35:20.000 If you make testosterone illegal, if you say, okay, a guy can't take testosterone, can he take creatine?
00:35:25.000 Can he take amino acids?
00:35:27.000 Can he take vitamins?
00:35:28.000 Can he take a bunch of things outside of his normal diet?
00:35:31.000 They're not going to go that back, are they?
00:35:33.000 I don't know.
00:35:34.000 You tell me.
00:35:34.000 I don't think so.
00:35:35.000 But why not?
00:35:37.000 When things are improving, if things are helping, they're helping.
00:35:39.000 And if it's testosterone, what about vitamin B12? That's legal, right?
00:35:44.000 Yes.
00:35:45.000 But can you take it in an intramuscular shot?
00:35:47.000 Because that really increases performance.
00:35:48.000 Can you?
00:35:49.000 No.
00:35:49.000 Yes, you can.
00:35:50.000 Okay.
00:35:51.000 But why should you be able to?
00:35:52.000 Why should you be able to take vitamin B12 and you can't take testosterone?
00:35:56.000 Why should you be able to take testosterone if you can't take some synthetic thing that someone creates that turns you into a fucking super freak?
00:36:02.000 The real question becomes, where do we draw the line as far as how much- Too much!
00:36:07.000 This is what I think.
00:36:08.000 I think there's going to be a point in time where it's like the internet.
00:36:12.000 At one point in time when they first created the internet, you might have been able to keep a porn site off.
00:36:16.000 But at this point, it's a joke.
00:36:18.000 It's just out there.
00:36:19.000 There's no way you're going to stop people from seeing naked people if they go online.
00:36:23.000 If they go online and they're curious, they're going to find what they're looking for.
00:36:26.000 I think we're going to have, in just everyday life, so many options to enhance your body.
00:36:32.000 I think it's going to be staggering.
00:36:34.000 And I think the idea of a natural athlete 100 years from now is going to be a joke.
00:36:38.000 I don't think there's going to be any.
00:36:39.000 Well, don't they do it in bodybuilding right now?
00:36:41.000 What does that mean?
00:36:42.000 They have guys who do steroids and they have guys who do natural.
00:36:46.000 No, they have guys who claim to be natural, but there's a lot of those guys who used to do steroids.
00:36:52.000 Okay.
00:36:52.000 And then they stopped doing steroids and now they do natural.
00:36:54.000 And they've gotten significant benefits because of that.
00:36:57.000 Like a friend of mine, he was a natural bodybuilder in quotes.
00:36:59.000 He was actually natural.
00:37:01.000 And he got in a big argument with one of those guys.
00:37:03.000 The guy was fucking huge.
00:37:05.000 He said this guy was ripped and striated and the guy did roids for a long time, but now he's clean.
00:37:10.000 And he's like, you got all this from steroids.
00:37:15.000 You don't look like a regular person.
00:37:17.000 You're huge.
00:37:18.000 That came from steroids.
00:37:19.000 You just figured out how to keep it naturally.
00:37:21.000 But the benefits all came from doing steroids.
00:37:24.000 I could see that.
00:37:25.000 I mean, I guess most of those guys may have been former steroid users.
00:37:30.000 A lot of them.
00:37:31.000 I'd have to study up on.
00:37:32.000 Well, I think when you're dealing with a sport that essentially requires it at the professional level.
00:37:37.000 I mean, bodybuilding requires steroids at the professional level.
00:37:41.000 Probably, you know what, they probably do in football, unfortunately.
00:37:44.000 Maybe basketball.
00:37:46.000 I think you could get by in football if you're some sort of Ray Lewis super athlete type dude.
00:37:50.000 I think you can get by naturally.
00:37:52.000 I don't know.
00:37:53.000 It's just pure speculation on my part.
00:37:56.000 I have zero experience in football.
00:37:58.000 But I do know some giant dudes who are just naturally giant.
00:38:01.000 But you can't get giant like bodybuilder giant.
00:38:04.000 You can't get that big.
00:38:05.000 No.
00:38:06.000 That's not a natural look.
00:38:07.000 That's through synthetic.
00:38:08.000 There's only one way.
00:38:09.000 There's only one way.
00:38:10.000 You can't do it any other way.
00:38:11.000 I literally don't even think it's possible.
00:38:15.000 I don't want to be that way.
00:38:17.000 I just want to...
00:38:18.000 Want to look a little fit?
00:38:19.000 A little fit.
00:38:20.000 I think it's good.
00:38:22.000 I stay away from a lot of the supplements because I feel like some of them get me going too much.
00:38:29.000 In what way?
00:38:30.000 I'm not saying any of these...
00:38:32.000 I think if I was to take a testosterone increaser, I don't think it would be good for me.
00:38:37.000 You think you would have a problem keeping it together?
00:38:40.000 Yeah.
00:38:41.000 Maybe.
00:38:41.000 Brian laughs.
00:38:42.000 I'd have to start off slow.
00:38:44.000 Maybe it would be good for you.
00:38:45.000 Maybe part of what makes you a loose cannon is that you don't have enough hormones in your system.
00:38:50.000 I'm a loose cannon without it.
00:38:52.000 Without it?
00:38:53.000 You're just a loose cannon.
00:38:54.000 Actually, I'm not a loose cannon.
00:38:55.000 I wouldn't say you're a loose cannon.
00:38:57.000 I'm not.
00:38:57.000 Some people think I am, but no, I'm not a loose cannon.
00:38:59.000 I take that back.
00:38:59.000 One Twitter outrage or outburst does not a loose cannon make.
00:39:03.000 You essentially had a couple of days of manic behavior on Twitter.
00:39:07.000 Are you talking about recently or before?
00:39:08.000 No, before.
00:39:09.000 Yeah, it happened.
00:39:10.000 What, did something happen recently?
00:39:12.000 Only recently?
00:39:13.000 No.
00:39:15.000 Like I said, I gave myself that 72 hours because the premiere of the show was coming out.
00:39:22.000 And I knew, I'm not even talking about whatever comes next regarding the show.
00:39:28.000 Okay, when you say you gave yourself 72 hours, we're going way back to the earlier conversation when you're talking about your hat and your wacky attire.
00:39:35.000 Yes.
00:39:36.000 Well, that's connected to it, but not totally.
00:39:38.000 I get confused, and I'm sure other people are as well.
00:39:42.000 I don't think they are.
00:39:43.000 For sure they are.
00:39:44.000 If I am, I'm not unique in that respect.
00:39:47.000 So what you're saying is, you get wacky 72 hours between a day and a half before, a day and a half after, to sort of promote it.
00:39:56.000 There's some of that, yes.
00:39:58.000 There's some of that, yes.
00:40:00.000 So I would say...
00:40:03.000 When I say 72 hours, I'm talking about this past Saturday, Sunday, and then Monday.
00:40:14.000 Part of Monday.
00:40:15.000 Right.
00:40:16.000 I get to not gloat, but kind of like feel good about it, say thank you to everybody, have emotions, some tears.
00:40:26.000 It was a big moment for me.
00:40:29.000 Like I said, it doesn't matter what happens after this.
00:40:32.000 I don't have to be in another movie.
00:40:36.000 My inspiration is not to do the Brody movie like Woody Allen or the Brody sitcom.
00:40:43.000 I feel like, you know what?
00:40:45.000 That first and second episode, I got enough positivity and stress-relieving.
00:40:56.000 I'm good.
00:40:58.000 And I kind of had an outside feeling going in that might happen.
00:41:03.000 So in my head, I gave myself 72 hours.
00:41:07.000 So a lot of it before was, you know, thank you, thank you to everybody.
00:41:11.000 And after this, I'm going to not have to explain myself.
00:41:16.000 I don't have to be, I'm Brody.
00:41:18.000 I do this.
00:41:18.000 Why are you not laughing?
00:41:20.000 I get to like stay in the pocket.
00:41:22.000 You mean on stage.
00:41:23.000 On stage, mostly.
00:41:24.000 So you mean like you'll get your crowd to come see you.
00:41:26.000 They'll understand your sense of humor.
00:41:27.000 Is that what you're saying?
00:41:29.000 I think a little bit of that, and I also think maybe creatively in a professional situation, I'm not going to have to...
00:41:36.000 I mean, I'm not a me, me, me guy.
00:41:40.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:41:41.000 What did you just say?
00:41:43.000 What the fuck did you just say?
00:41:44.000 You said you're not a me, me, me guy?
00:41:45.000 I'm not.
00:41:46.000 Okay.
00:41:47.000 Okay.
00:41:47.000 Joe, I've done 2,500 audience warm-ups.
00:41:50.000 How could I be a me, me, me guy?
00:41:51.000 Well, just in every time we have a conversation, it comes back to me, me, me.
00:41:55.000 Well, maybe I was in that situation.
00:41:56.000 And I know that.
00:41:57.000 We could go off to the deepest, darkest recesses of space, and you would go...
00:42:01.000 I guarantee you wouldn't.
00:42:02.000 I'm not really into space ever since I was a kid.
00:42:05.000 Baseball was my thing, and you'll just turn into it.
00:42:07.000 Would you say, since the beginning of this podcast today, I've been in a good frame of mind, positive listening?
00:42:13.000 Yes, very positive.
00:42:14.000 Yeah, because I know I kind of...
00:42:19.000 Not necessarily to you.
00:42:21.000 I never had to explain myself to you.
00:42:23.000 Are you bringing it back to you again?
00:42:24.000 Let me just have closure on this.
00:42:29.000 I never felt I had to explain myself to you.
00:42:32.000 I felt at times I had to explain myself to...
00:42:35.000 Others.
00:42:36.000 Those people.
00:42:36.000 Those fucks.
00:42:37.000 Those people.
00:42:37.000 Those people who don't understand comics.
00:42:39.000 That relieves stress for me, and I think that relieving of stress has kind of carried over to maybe our relationship here today and other things I've done and hopefully to be doing.
00:42:49.000 Wait a minute.
00:42:49.000 Our relationship here today is different than our relationship for the past decade or so that we've known each other?
00:42:54.000 I feel more relaxed.
00:42:56.000 And that's not you.
00:42:58.000 That's more me.
00:42:59.000 Oh, I see what you're saying.
00:42:59.000 So you feel like because of your success, it's alleviated some pressure.
00:43:03.000 You feel more better about the future.
00:43:05.000 And it's allowed you and enhanced you in all of your dealings, essentially.
00:43:11.000 For the 72-hour period, it's allowed me to gloat a little bit.
00:43:16.000 You don't need to gloat, man.
00:43:18.000 No, I know you're going to say that, Joe.
00:43:20.000 How'd you know?
00:43:21.000 Because you know me.
00:43:22.000 I know you.
00:43:24.000 My path is a little different than yours.
00:43:26.000 Your path is unique.
00:43:28.000 Brian's path is unique.
00:43:29.000 Everybody's path is unique.
00:43:30.000 Boy, is it unique.
00:43:31.000 Okay.
00:43:33.000 If you could follow Brian home with a GPS, you'd be like, what the fuck are you doing?
00:43:36.000 It's five in the morning.
00:43:37.000 Go home.
00:43:38.000 So for that, I gave myself 72 hours to party.
00:43:43.000 If you talk about 72 hours one more time, we're going to lose everyone listening to this show.
00:43:46.000 Why do you say that?
00:43:48.000 Because it's true.
00:43:48.000 Say three days.
00:43:49.000 People are there enough right now.
00:43:51.000 They're filled up with 72 hours.
00:43:53.000 They're like, well, this guy shut the fuck up about his 72 hours.
00:43:55.000 I don't think so.
00:43:56.000 We just brought up the fact that he brings it back to himself.
00:43:59.000 What does he do?
00:43:59.000 He brings it back to his 72 hours.
00:44:02.000 Watch.
00:44:02.000 I'm going to stay so in control today.
00:44:04.000 Thank God you don't have a job.
00:44:05.000 You ever think about that, buddy?
00:44:06.000 That you've made it this far without accident?
00:44:07.000 I mean, you've had some warm-up gigs, but now a job job.
00:44:10.000 We had to show up at a fucking office and deal with some asshole.
00:44:13.000 Did you see this lawsuit that's going on right now where this CEO of this...
00:44:18.000 It's actually pretty funny.
00:44:20.000 The CEO of Archie Comics allegedly would call all the men that worked the office penises.
00:44:26.000 She called everyone penises and she would have these rants where she would scream penis, penis, penis in the staff meetings.
00:44:35.000 So these guys are suing her.
00:44:38.000 She's being sued for gender discrimination and she says that the suit is baseless.
00:44:44.000 She can't be guilty of gender discrimination against employees because white males aren't a protective class.
00:44:52.000 They aren't a protected class!
00:45:13.000 That's hilarious.
00:45:15.000 That is PC thinking run amok.
00:45:19.000 That is the very problem with stopping jokes and censorship and all this rape culture bullshit.
00:45:24.000 That's the very problem.
00:45:26.000 Unequal thinking across the board.
00:45:29.000 Where non-guilty people are guilty.
00:45:31.000 Do you think she may be doing it on purpose as a joke?
00:45:33.000 Because it is Archie Comics.
00:45:34.000 You know how many people are probably picking up an Archie Comic now?
00:45:36.000 Good call, Brian.
00:45:37.000 It's probably the best thing you could ever do if you wanted to sell Archie Comics.
00:45:40.000 Who buys those fucking things?
00:45:42.000 No shit.
00:45:42.000 I mean, I would say that would be brilliant if that's the case, but if it's not the case, she's just another asshole boss.
00:45:49.000 You know, being a boss of a group of men is probably really frustrating anyway.
00:45:54.000 If you're a woman, you know, especially if any of them are like average men, they're dickheads that don't want to listen to a woman, it's probably a disaster.
00:46:01.000 So how does she respond to that?
00:46:02.000 She fucking screams at them and calls them all penis.
00:46:04.000 It's actually kind of brilliant.
00:46:07.000 But this is such ass-backwards thinking.
00:46:10.000 That the demonizing of innocent white males has gotten to a point...
00:46:16.000 And I don't want to belabor this because I know white males have it easier than anybody in this society.
00:46:20.000 There's no doubt about that.
00:46:21.000 But just the fact that anybody thinks that they can say that.
00:46:24.000 That she can't be guilty of gender discrimination against employees because white males aren't a protected class.
00:46:29.000 So what she's inferring is that white males have a surplus...
00:46:35.000 You have a bunch of get-out-of-trouble free cards throughout your whole life.
00:46:40.000 So because of that, you owe.
00:46:42.000 So she can shit on you, ruin your life, ruin your day, call you a penis at work, do whatever the fuck she wants to do, and you have no recourse.
00:46:51.000 That's absolutely brilliant.
00:46:53.000 It's hilarious.
00:46:55.000 We're good to go.
00:46:58.000 We're good to go.
00:47:14.000 Or they're an asshole.
00:47:15.000 And you don't know unless you're there.
00:47:16.000 And I would imagine if these guys went out of their way, they work at a fucking comics place.
00:47:21.000 Allegedly, they have senses of humor.
00:47:22.000 If they went that far out of their way to file a fucking lawsuit, that must be a disastrous place to work.
00:47:31.000 Archie's Comics?
00:47:32.000 Yeah.
00:47:33.000 The accusations are extremely damaging to myself and Archie Comics.
00:47:37.000 Archie Comics, to me, stands for high values that are global values.
00:47:41.000 Okay, I hate her already.
00:47:43.000 I hate anybody who would say that.
00:47:45.000 Archie Comics stands for high values.
00:47:47.000 They're global values.
00:47:48.000 What the fuck does that mean?
00:47:50.000 I always thought there was a nice message.
00:47:52.000 Because of her global values, she is rarely even in the office.
00:47:56.000 I go around the world to promote Archie Comics, she told the Daily News.
00:47:59.000 That's what I do.
00:48:01.000 According to the employee suit, she also invites Hell's Angels into the office to intimidate employees.
00:48:07.000 Okay, this isn't real.
00:48:09.000 This is not real.
00:48:10.000 Is this off the onion?
00:48:11.000 No, it's off Raw Story, which is a real legit website.
00:48:14.000 Frequently inquires about the location of a handgun and 750 rounds of ammunition she believes her late husband kept in the office.
00:48:22.000 This sounds like horseshit.
00:48:24.000 Well, she's got 47 followers on Twitter.
00:48:27.000 Holla!
00:48:28.000 That's probably all from today.
00:48:29.000 All from this raw story.
00:48:31.000 In 2011, the other CEO, Jonathan Goldwater, filed a suit against her, claiming that she is unstable and bankrupting the company.
00:48:38.000 The case was settled.
00:48:55.000 I love this lady.
00:48:57.000 Oh, you like her?
00:48:58.000 She needs a reality show.
00:49:00.000 It'd be great.
00:49:01.000 Just give her an office full of fucking slumpy, like, doofus-y dudes that she could fucking scream at.
00:49:07.000 So you blame the guys for being weak and not standing up to her?
00:49:10.000 No.
00:49:11.000 They have a job.
00:49:12.000 She's an asshole.
00:49:13.000 Obviously, she's...
00:49:13.000 Well, I don't know.
00:49:14.000 I don't know what she's really like.
00:49:16.000 Maybe if I worked there...
00:49:16.000 I yelled at people on my show.
00:49:18.000 Maybe if I was there...
00:49:19.000 Are you bringing it back to yourself again?
00:49:20.000 Maybe if I was there, I'd be like...
00:49:21.000 I can't even do that.
00:49:23.000 Maybe if I was there, I would think, you know, hey, you know, these people don't have a sense of humor, man.
00:49:29.000 She's awesome.
00:49:30.000 Maybe I would think that it's everybody else.
00:49:32.000 I would have to be there to make that judgment call.
00:49:34.000 But looking at this, it sounds pretty crazy.
00:49:36.000 Bitch sounds nuts.
00:49:38.000 She's bringing Hell's Angels into the office to intimidate the employees and frequently inquires about the location of a handgun and 750 rounds of ammunition.
00:49:47.000 Like, what?
00:49:47.000 What the fuck?
00:49:48.000 If that should happen, wouldn't you just go with it?
00:49:50.000 If she called you a penis and stuff, you'd be like, oh, well, cunt.
00:49:53.000 It seems like she's just inviting to be able to throw things back at her.
00:49:59.000 If she had a sense of humor.
00:50:00.000 But she's the boss, man.
00:50:01.000 Yeah, but she's saying she has that fucking gun.
00:50:03.000 I'd be like, oh, I gotta...
00:50:03.000 You can't joke about that!
00:50:05.000 Yeah, you can't.
00:50:06.000 It's not nice to joke about that, but I think...
00:50:09.000 The position of a boss like that of a big office where everybody has real strict behavior rules...
00:50:15.000 When you're in a big office, everybody's wearing nice clothes.
00:50:20.000 They have to dress like they're in an office.
00:50:22.000 They'll go in their fucking cubicle of their offices and they get their work.
00:50:25.000 It's like a very button-down, controlled, restricted environment in most offices.
00:50:30.000 Someone running around yelling, penis, penis, penis...
00:50:33.000 I would laugh.
00:50:34.000 But if it's the boss and she's calling everybody penises, that makes you feel like shit.
00:50:39.000 What country is this?
00:50:41.000 This is America.
00:50:42.000 Yeah.
00:50:42.000 This is in New York.
00:50:43.000 It's New York.
00:50:45.000 Huh.
00:50:47.000 Maybe she's saying peanuts.
00:50:50.000 Oh, buddy.
00:50:52.000 I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, Joe.
00:50:55.000 I didn't make it about me.
00:50:56.000 I don't think there's any positive spin to be had on this one.
00:50:59.000 I think...
00:51:01.000 It's a pretty hilarious story.
00:51:02.000 Have you watched Brody's new show yet?
00:51:04.000 Don't bring me up.
00:51:05.000 No, I have not.
00:51:06.000 Don't bring me up.
00:51:06.000 It's actually really good.
00:51:07.000 Joe, you're in it, by the way.
00:51:09.000 Beautiful.
00:51:10.000 How did I get in it?
00:51:12.000 I had Red Band sign your waiver.
00:51:15.000 Sweet.
00:51:16.000 What are you talking about?
00:51:18.000 I hope it worked out.
00:51:19.000 He came into the Ice House once.
00:51:21.000 You were good in it.
00:51:23.000 Thank you.
00:51:24.000 Thank you.
00:51:25.000 I mean that.
00:51:26.000 Oh, no, thank you.
00:51:28.000 You know...
00:51:30.000 I mean, I wanted to come on here and say how Joe was one of the first comedians that came up to me and said I was funny.
00:51:37.000 Like, I believed it.
00:51:38.000 He was a guy who was working.
00:51:39.000 You're hilarious.
00:51:41.000 Yeah, well, I didn't believe that or feel it.
00:51:43.000 How come you didn't believe that?
00:51:44.000 I just didn't.
00:51:45.000 Why not?
00:51:45.000 I don't know.
00:51:46.000 I got my issues.
00:51:47.000 But people were laughing.
00:51:48.000 You heard people laughing.
00:51:49.000 Yeah, but for you, you're one of the early comedians there in 2000 to say, I'm funny.
00:51:57.000 You said I was funny and I believed it.
00:51:59.000 And then you brought me in to do the warm-up at the man show.
00:52:03.000 Dude, you were hilarious in that.
00:52:05.000 So that gave me a lot of confidence.
00:52:07.000 That's awesome.
00:52:08.000 It's good to hear, man.
00:52:09.000 Everybody gets that.
00:52:11.000 When you're coming up, you get that boost from somebody that you like.
00:52:14.000 Someone comes up to you and tells you that you're funny.
00:52:16.000 It's a great boost.
00:52:18.000 I always credit Marc Maron when I was an open-miker.
00:52:21.000 Maron came up to me once and gave me a compliment.
00:52:24.000 And gave me some advice, and I was like, wow.
00:52:26.000 For me, it was like, holy shit.
00:52:28.000 This guy's a professional, and he's telling me I can do this.
00:52:33.000 It's very inspirational when someone comes up to you and gives you some props.
00:52:39.000 It lets you know you're doing the right thing.
00:52:41.000 Yeah.
00:52:41.000 Because it feels like you maybe don't know what the fuck...
00:52:43.000 Everybody feels like that in the beginning, right?
00:52:46.000 Yeah, it's nice when those little moments happen, and...
00:52:49.000 Keep working.
00:52:50.000 Keep pushing.
00:52:51.000 You don't look for them.
00:52:52.000 Just keep doing your stuff.
00:52:54.000 One of the most exciting things about life is when you're trying to do something and you don't know if it's going to happen.
00:52:59.000 You don't know if it's going to work out.
00:53:01.000 One of the most exciting things in life is trying to figure out how to make this so.
00:53:05.000 Because even if you have confidence...
00:53:07.000 Boy, how much confidence do you really have if it hasn't happened yet?
00:53:10.000 You know, you might have real confidence, but it doesn't feel like a reality until all of a sudden, here, Brody, here's your check for doing stand-up comedy.
00:53:18.000 And you're like, I'm a professional now, like legitimately.
00:53:21.000 And then, here, Brody, you're on Comedy Central now.
00:53:23.000 I'm on Comedy Central now, like legitimately.
00:53:27.000 Then you could feel it and see it.
00:53:29.000 But man, those early days, like the 2000s, 13 years ago today, if you stop and think about it, you were a guy who was, you know...
00:53:37.000 Trying to put it together with an uncertain future.
00:53:39.000 No one knew.
00:53:40.000 You didn't know.
00:53:42.000 You were hoping that it would all work out, but it was this thing where you're trying to figure it out and make it work.
00:53:47.000 That's so exciting, man.
00:53:48.000 It's one of the coolest things about life.
00:53:50.000 If you can find more of those things that you could fit in your life where you're not really sure if it's going to work out, the more of those you could fit in, the better.
00:53:58.000 Yeah, it is.
00:53:59.000 You just gotta go for it and follow your instincts.
00:54:05.000 Simple.
00:54:05.000 Simple.
00:54:06.000 You got it.
00:54:07.000 No, I didn't come out here knowing what would happen.
00:54:11.000 I had no idea.
00:54:13.000 I had a couple TV, small little TV. That was something when I did the Craig Kilbourne show.
00:54:19.000 What are you playing, Brian?
00:54:22.000 Why don't you actually play it then?
00:54:24.000 Do it when he's not talking, though.
00:54:26.000 You want me to not talk?
00:54:27.000 No.
00:54:28.000 No, tell me, did you start in Arizona?
00:54:31.000 No, I actually, I mean, I took an acting class at Arizona State because I was around baseball so much, which it is kind of a jock world, and, you know, that's cool.
00:54:42.000 But then when I had some extra credits, I took an acting class.
00:54:46.000 Yeah, people said, hey, Brody, you're funny.
00:54:47.000 I never was.
00:54:49.000 I never went to the Tempe Improv.
00:54:52.000 I never did an open mic.
00:54:53.000 Nothing.
00:54:54.000 I just played baseball and went to school.
00:54:57.000 And I remember I'd be up in the study hall and a couple of the football players would say, Hey Brody, you're funny.
00:55:02.000 You should do stand-up.
00:55:03.000 I would make the other, like the volleyball team laugh or the track and field.
00:55:06.000 We all studied together.
00:55:08.000 So the last year or so, I took an acting class that had credits and it was amazing.
00:55:14.000 Fun.
00:55:14.000 It was supportive.
00:55:15.000 I went in there and it wasn't jocks.
00:55:17.000 It was supportive artists and girls and it felt good.
00:55:22.000 And I tried to do something serious, but I got laughs and I tried to be serious and I was busting up laughing.
00:55:29.000 But I liked the feeling.
00:55:31.000 And then when I came back to Los Angeles, I didn't want to get into baseball.
00:55:34.000 I just didn't want to be a coach or anything like that.
00:55:38.000 And I took one of those comedy classes just to see if I was into just structure to see if I liked it.
00:55:45.000 So I was living out in Tarzana and I would drive to UCLA every Tuesday or Wednesday just to do a two or three minute spot and I was excited about doing it.
00:55:54.000 It was like, okay, I think it's in me.
00:55:56.000 Who was teaching the class?
00:55:57.000 Pauly Shore's sister.
00:56:00.000 But for me, it didn't matter.
00:56:02.000 She never even did stand-up, right?
00:56:04.000 I don't know.
00:56:05.000 She may have.
00:56:06.000 What's her name again?
00:56:07.000 Sandy Seashore?
00:56:08.000 No, Sandy Shore.
00:56:10.000 It's not Seashore.
00:56:11.000 Yeah, it is Sandy Seashore.
00:56:13.000 Oh, really?
00:56:13.000 Yeah.
00:56:13.000 Oh, my goodness.
00:56:14.000 Mitzi was so crazy.
00:56:16.000 So she actually, she helped me and it gave me that structure and then I did one open mic.
00:56:21.000 So it did help you?
00:56:22.000 It did help me.
00:56:23.000 What did you get out of it?
00:56:24.000 Like, I've never heard of anybody doing a comedy class.
00:56:26.000 What did I get out of it?
00:56:27.000 Where they got anything out of it other than just getting on stage, you got something out of that.
00:56:31.000 The three things I got out of it were one, um...
00:56:36.000 People thought it was funny.
00:56:37.000 It made me feel like it didn't matter about my jokes.
00:56:40.000 They thought it was funny.
00:56:41.000 So I got that out of it.
00:56:44.000 I learned to make it visual.
00:56:48.000 I did learn some basic stuff about comedy, making it visual.
00:56:53.000 People told me I was funny between my jokes.
00:56:56.000 My jokes were okay, but it was funny when I got frustrated when my jokes wouldn't work.
00:57:01.000 So they liked that.
00:57:03.000 They like the fact that, like I said, make it visual.
00:57:08.000 And then I did my graduating class at the Comedy Store in the OR. It was packed and I did it.
00:57:13.000 I did pretty good.
00:57:14.000 I felt like a comedian.
00:57:16.000 And then I did one open mic out in Chatsworth and it was awesome.
00:57:20.000 Not a disaster, but it was desperate.
00:57:22.000 I felt like, hey, I went from being liked at the OR at the Comedy Store.
00:57:27.000 I'm a comedian now.
00:57:28.000 And so I went to that open mic and it was just, I could feel the desperation.
00:57:32.000 And I just knew that this isn't the route I want to go.
00:57:36.000 And I wanted to learn more about comedy.
00:57:38.000 So I took a business of comedy class.
00:57:40.000 And in that class, the instructor told me, get out of Los Angeles.
00:57:44.000 Don't start here.
00:57:45.000 Who was that instructor?
00:57:46.000 Danny Robinson.
00:57:48.000 He's an APA. He's an agent.
00:57:51.000 So I just learned about comedy, contracts, what comedians make doing a spot around town.
00:57:57.000 He told you to get out of LA? Why?
00:57:58.000 Yeah.
00:58:00.000 Go to a smaller market.
00:58:02.000 Go find your voice there.
00:58:04.000 Don't worry about having a bad set or so-and-so is going to see you.
00:58:09.000 You know what?
00:58:10.000 I would have agreed with that up until recently.
00:58:12.000 This is 1993. Yeah, but I would have agreed with that advice.
00:58:18.000 And I've given that advice before, but I don't think it's necessary anymore.
00:58:20.000 I think L.A. has such a strong open mic community, too.
00:58:23.000 There's so many comedians coming up in L.A. and there's so many different places to do stand-up.
00:58:27.000 I think it's just as good a place as any to do comedy.
00:58:30.000 And I think that guys really...
00:58:33.000 The significance of the club itself, being on stage at a club and getting seen, is not nearly as much as it used to be.
00:58:39.000 What's more important now is the internet, is the fact that guys get famous from Philly, they get famous from New York, they get famous from everywhere.
00:58:48.000 You don't have to be in front of a specific group of people who can decide whether or not to put you on television.
00:58:54.000 Just put your shit up online.
00:58:55.000 And because of that, because of phones, recording sets, so many people's shows are getting online too.
00:59:01.000 People are getting to see the development of material.
00:59:04.000 If they want to look for it, they can find cell phone videos of all of us on a regular basis.
00:59:11.000 You do a weekend at a club, you do five shows, someone's going to put a fucking video online.
00:59:17.000 I mean, I think I'm glad I went to Seattle.
00:59:20.000 This is basically pre-internet because it taught me about the three-person show.
00:59:25.000 It taught me about the emcee, the guest host, the opener, the closer, clearing out the audience, how you sat the audience.
00:59:32.000 I worked there as well.
00:59:34.000 Where'd you work at?
00:59:35.000 This is that Comedy Underground up in Seattle.
00:59:38.000 Great club.
00:59:38.000 Yeah, so I would see, you know, Pat Noswell, Large Barker.
00:59:43.000 Didn't they have the Comedy Underground and there was another one that was run by like a Mormon or something like that?
00:59:47.000 That was Giggles by Terry Taylor ran that room.
00:59:52.000 And I would do that room as well.
00:59:54.000 Was he very religious or something?
00:59:55.000 Who was the guy who got up in front of Robert Schimmel and like apologized for his set?
01:00:01.000 I don't know.
01:00:01.000 I just know that Terry Taylor is or was Mormon.
01:00:05.000 Yeah, it might have been him.
01:00:07.000 And he ran giggles in Seattle near the university there.
01:00:10.000 There was this famous story where a guy got up in front of Schimmel and like apologized for his set before he did it.
01:00:16.000 Because remember, Schimmel was really hilarious but really dirty.
01:00:20.000 And he went up before him.
01:00:23.000 Was Schimmel or Bobby Slayton?
01:00:25.000 I'm not sure which one, but it was just an outrage through the comedy community.
01:00:29.000 Like, you hired this guy.
01:00:30.000 Like, why are you apologizing for him?
01:00:32.000 The people came to see him.
01:00:34.000 Like, why are you apologizing for him?
01:00:35.000 You knew what he did, and you hired him, and the people paid to see him, and he apologized before he brought the guy up.
01:00:43.000 Oh, before?
01:00:44.000 Yes.
01:00:45.000 Like, I apologize that this guy may be dirty and it doesn't fit our value system here?
01:00:49.000 Well, this is the alleged story.
01:00:51.000 Well, they don't know.
01:00:52.000 This is what I had heard.
01:00:53.000 No, by people who were there.
01:00:54.000 What do you mean they don't know?
01:00:56.000 I mean, it was a big story that spread, and I remember I talked about it on the radio once, and the guy said he didn't censor comedians, and he invited me to come down to the club, but I never wound up doing it.
01:01:06.000 I did the underground, though.
01:01:08.000 Yeah, it's a good club, low ceiling, all that.
01:01:10.000 I mean, Joe, what would you...
01:01:11.000 So you would say to a comedian today in 2013, here, say, in Los Angeles, somebody comes up to you and goes, Joe, I'm a stand-up, I'm doing open mics here in L.A. You know, he wants to be a stand-up.
01:01:25.000 Mm-hmm.
01:01:26.000 You know, what would you say to a...
01:01:27.000 Or she, what would you say to a comedian like that?
01:01:30.000 Go hang out at the comedy store.
01:01:31.000 You really would say that?
01:01:32.000 Fuck yeah.
01:01:33.000 That's what Ari Shaffir did.
01:01:35.000 See, I wouldn't say that.
01:01:36.000 Especially not now.
01:01:38.000 Especially not now, because they cut the open mics to one day now.
01:01:41.000 Well, that's retarded.
01:01:42.000 That's retarded on their behalf, because that was one of the greatest things about the comedy store, is how much emphasis they put into developing talent.
01:01:48.000 I mean, very few clubs have two nights of open mic nights.
01:01:52.000 They fucked up if they did that.
01:01:53.000 Okay.
01:01:53.000 But I'm not surprised.
01:01:54.000 They've been fucking up left and right with a lot of different decisions.
01:01:58.000 But even when they had two open mics, I don't know how many comedian...
01:02:03.000 It's off the street.
01:02:03.000 A guy who drove here from Kansas City and goes, I want to be a comedian.
01:02:08.000 I'm going to hang out at the store.
01:02:09.000 I mean, those are few and far between, I think.
01:02:12.000 I don't think so.
01:02:13.000 You don't think so?
01:02:14.000 No, I think guys have made it out of L.A. a lot more over the last 10 years than you'd imagine.
01:02:18.000 A lot of guys started out in L.A. A lot of guys started their stand-up career doing open mics in L.A. and then went on to have legit careers like Ari does.
01:02:27.000 Ari started it all in L.A. He's a legit stand-up guy.
01:02:31.000 Okay, that's one guy.
01:02:32.000 That's an exception to the rule, I would think.
01:02:35.000 I don't know about that, man.
01:02:36.000 I think it's possible.
01:02:36.000 No, there's a lot of guys who started out in LA. Caparulo did start.
01:02:38.000 Caparulo started.
01:02:39.000 There's another one.
01:02:40.000 There's a lot of guys who started out in LA. There's a lot of goddamn clubs, man.
01:02:44.000 Think about how many fucking clubs are just within an hour and a half, two hours of here.
01:02:48.000 This is unprecedented.
01:02:49.000 Okay.
01:02:50.000 Comedy Magic Club, the Improv, the Comedy Store, the Laugh Factory.
01:02:53.000 Ontario.
01:02:54.000 Ha Ha Club.
01:02:54.000 Yeah, Ontario, Brea, Irvine.
01:02:57.000 Okay.
01:02:57.000 You can go on and on and on.
01:02:59.000 But it's still hard to get into those clubs.
01:03:02.000 Ice House.
01:03:02.000 It's hard to get into those clubs.
01:03:05.000 That's why you've got to go maybe to, I'm not going to say a Boise, but go to a Seattle, go to a Minnesota, even go to a Chicago.
01:03:13.000 You don't think it's hard to get into those clubs?
01:03:15.000 I think it's easier to...
01:03:31.000 Maybe Austin.
01:03:32.000 Possibly Minnesota.
01:03:35.000 Seattle.
01:03:36.000 Denver's getting a scene.
01:03:37.000 Denver has a scene.
01:03:38.000 They've had a scene for years.
01:03:39.000 They have a serious scene.
01:03:41.000 So I think there's spots there where you can play those, you know, the self-promoting rooms, and you have to build up and get a buzz going.
01:03:50.000 And then come out and play some more rooms.
01:03:52.000 That was always my philosophy.
01:03:53.000 No, you definitely can do it that way.
01:03:55.000 You definitely can do it, obviously.
01:03:57.000 Many people have done that.
01:03:59.000 What I'm saying is, I don't know if you have to anymore.
01:04:01.000 I think L.A. is not a bad place to do it.
01:04:04.000 I think there are enough diversity in the rooms.
01:04:08.000 Like, you've got your hipster rooms, you've got your blue-collar rooms, you've got your tourist rooms.
01:04:12.000 What's your blue-collar rooms?
01:04:15.000 Okay, I threw that in.
01:04:16.000 I don't know.
01:04:17.000 What would be a blue-collar room?
01:04:21.000 Ontario?
01:04:22.000 Maybe.
01:04:22.000 I don't know.
01:04:23.000 I've been playing a Dutch.
01:04:25.000 Saddle Ranch doesn't do comedy anymore, do they?
01:04:27.000 Yeah.
01:04:28.000 They still do it?
01:04:29.000 At the Universal.
01:04:31.000 Oh, really?
01:04:32.000 At Universal?
01:04:32.000 Not the one on Sunset?
01:04:33.000 No.
01:04:34.000 They do comedy at the Saddle Ranch at Universal?
01:04:37.000 Yeah.
01:04:38.000 I've done it there a bunch.
01:04:39.000 It's fun.
01:04:39.000 How many different places have comedy at Universal?
01:04:41.000 There's the Lovett's Club?
01:04:43.000 Yeah.
01:04:43.000 They're doing stand-up again there, right?
01:04:45.000 Mm-hmm.
01:04:45.000 No more podcasts.
01:04:46.000 It was like a podcast place for a while.
01:04:47.000 They do podcasts now also.
01:04:49.000 The girl from D from Improv now runs it.
01:04:52.000 Really?
01:04:52.000 Yeah.
01:04:53.000 She runs that place now.
01:04:54.000 That's interesting.
01:04:55.000 Mm-hmm.
01:04:55.000 That's a weird place to get to.
01:04:57.000 Shit's annoying.
01:04:58.000 Go through the fucking parking and all that nonsense.
01:05:00.000 Yeah.
01:05:00.000 And find it.
01:05:01.000 They do have that thing now, though, where you can valet your car and then they'll pay for the valet or something.
01:05:06.000 Good.
01:05:06.000 Then someone's farting in your seats and checking your glove box.
01:05:09.000 Yeah, I got a dent from my valet.
01:05:10.000 Do you think they do that?
01:05:11.000 Of course they do that.
01:05:12.000 Do you feel because it's you, they go out of their way to do it?
01:05:17.000 I don't know what the fuck they do.
01:05:20.000 It depends on the individual, obviously.
01:05:22.000 But when I worked for a car wash, I drove people's cars.
01:05:25.000 I know they do it.
01:05:26.000 I know they get inside their car.
01:05:27.000 They look around.
01:05:28.000 I know they do it.
01:05:29.000 I did it.
01:05:30.000 Everybody does it.
01:05:31.000 You get into someone's car and you're like, what's in here?
01:05:33.000 But are they taking stuff?
01:05:35.000 Yeah.
01:05:35.000 For sure.
01:05:35.000 No doubt.
01:05:36.000 Some people.
01:05:37.000 I mean, I'm not saying at Universal they do, but a friend of mine just got his sunglasses stolen out of his car.
01:05:42.000 For sure.
01:05:43.000 He put them on the front seat, went to where the fuck he went, came back out, said, where's my sunglasses?
01:05:48.000 And they played stupid.
01:05:49.000 And he's like, hey man, I put them right here.
01:05:52.000 Like, I'm not stupid.
01:05:54.000 Stealing's a sin.
01:05:55.000 I don't care.
01:05:56.000 I know another person who had a little portable navigation system underneath their seat that got stolen.
01:06:00.000 It's a sin.
01:06:01.000 But it happens all the time.
01:06:02.000 I know, but...
01:06:03.000 What's worse than that or fucking your sister?
01:06:05.000 Having sex with your sister.
01:06:07.000 That's worse.
01:06:07.000 I think so.
01:06:08.000 There's no victim there.
01:06:09.000 I've never done it.
01:06:09.000 But if your sister wants it, you want it.
01:06:11.000 I've thought about that.
01:06:12.000 I will go to my grave saying, I've never had sex with my sister.
01:06:16.000 That's a good move.
01:06:17.000 Yeah, there's some things you want to keep off the resume.
01:06:21.000 Yeah, that would be wonderful.
01:06:22.000 Yeah, you don't even want to do it and then go, well, that was a mistake.
01:06:24.000 Never do that again.
01:06:25.000 Because you can't really erase it.
01:06:27.000 No.
01:06:27.000 Which is kind of fucked, man.
01:06:28.000 Because isn't learning one of the most important parts of life?
01:06:32.000 Shouldn't you be allowed to fuck up?
01:06:34.000 But there's certain fuck-ups you can't make.
01:06:37.000 You can't be like, you know, baby, I want to marry you.
01:06:40.000 I want to marry you too.
01:06:41.000 But I got to tell you this one thing.
01:06:43.000 I know this is not going to change anything because we're meant to be with each other, but I fucked my cousin.
01:06:49.000 Your wife's going to be like, what?
01:06:51.000 Why'd you fuck your cousin?
01:06:52.000 Wait a minute.
01:06:52.000 Which cousin?
01:06:53.000 Yeah.
01:06:53.000 The guy.
01:06:54.000 How far?
01:06:54.000 Wait, wait, whoa.
01:06:55.000 How far?
01:06:56.000 I fucked my cousin Mike.
01:06:57.000 Huh?
01:06:58.000 How far?
01:06:59.000 Is it a first cousin or is it a...
01:07:01.000 Yeah, you have to be a first cousin.
01:07:03.000 If it's your second cousin, well, if it's gay sex, I think no one's going to be happy with you.
01:07:09.000 Okay, you're saying...
01:07:10.000 Your wife's not going to be happy that you fucked your cousin.
01:07:12.000 That was a joke, Brody.
01:07:14.000 But if it's straight sex...
01:07:15.000 It raised my antlers.
01:07:17.000 If it's straight sex...
01:07:19.000 If it's straight sex, I think the second cousin is actually legal.
01:07:25.000 You can not only fuck him, you can marry him, right?
01:07:27.000 Yeah.
01:07:28.000 Jerry Lee Lewis did that, didn't he?
01:07:29.000 Well, you can marry your first cousin.
01:07:31.000 Can I ask you a question, Joe?
01:07:32.000 You're not supposed to.
01:07:33.000 It's been on my mind, and I know you probably don't want to talk about it because it was brought up.
01:07:38.000 Well, thanks for bringing it up on the internet.
01:07:39.000 Well, it was brought up.
01:07:40.000 Well, I'm just being real.
01:07:42.000 It was brought up.
01:07:43.000 I think you were uneasy with it.
01:07:45.000 It was in an Ice House Chronicle.
01:07:48.000 Um...
01:07:49.000 Why would you bring it up again?
01:07:50.000 Well, because I heard Joe talked about gay sex.
01:07:53.000 Like, I have to make it clear I'm not into that.
01:07:56.000 Oh, why do you have to make that clear?
01:07:58.000 Because I get hassled for it sometimes.
01:08:01.000 It goes back to you again, Brody.
01:08:02.000 Notice.
01:08:03.000 It's going back to him and gay sex.
01:08:07.000 Apparently you can have sex with your cousin.
01:08:09.000 It's legal.
01:08:10.000 What happens if your cousins are transsexual?
01:08:12.000 Then it's even more legal.
01:08:15.000 Depends.
01:08:15.000 If you're telling someone who writes for Salon, you're in.
01:08:19.000 I've had a few girls that have been attracted to their cousins, but they always use the excuse they're not blood-related.
01:08:26.000 Well then, yeah, that's not real.
01:08:27.000 I wouldn't have sex with a relative.
01:08:29.000 Just not into it.
01:08:30.000 But I think people have done it throughout history.
01:08:32.000 I think it's kind of sick.
01:08:34.000 Why?
01:08:35.000 What if you don't see them that often?
01:08:37.000 I just think it's sick.
01:08:38.000 I think incest is a sickening thing.
01:08:41.000 And I'm sorry it's happened to some young girls or kids or whatever.
01:08:45.000 It's a sickening thing.
01:08:46.000 What if it's a cousin that you really enjoy?
01:08:48.000 I think a cousin is too close.
01:08:50.000 But what if, look, what if that cousin is the perfect person for you?
01:08:54.000 What if, you know, it doesn't make sense, but you know what?
01:08:57.000 The heart wants what it wants, Brody.
01:08:59.000 It shouldn't.
01:09:00.000 That's not normal.
01:09:02.000 How much are you bothered by the fact that the main character on Homeland has your name?
01:09:06.000 I don't bother.
01:09:07.000 Should I be?
01:09:08.000 Should I be crazy?
01:09:09.000 No.
01:09:09.000 Because when they call him Brody on the show, I'm like, that's not Brody.
01:09:13.000 That's all you think of.
01:09:14.000 No, Brody's you.
01:09:15.000 Maybe the guy who wrote it saw my name and thought about me.
01:09:18.000 I don't know.
01:09:18.000 It's all about me.
01:09:19.000 But no, it doesn't bother me.
01:09:22.000 Good.
01:09:23.000 So, apparently, not only can you have sex with your cousin, but you can have a kid with your cousin.
01:09:27.000 That's disgusting!
01:09:29.000 Yeah.
01:09:30.000 My cousin's pretty hot.
01:09:31.000 Apparently, even having sex with your sister is not nearly as dangerous as far as producing kids with health risks.
01:09:41.000 There's no real health risk posed by having sex with your cousins.
01:09:47.000 What's the percentage with sister?
01:09:50.000 It's probably not good, but it depends on how much the genes...
01:09:53.000 I mean, look, the idea is that your sister and you come from your mother and your father.
01:09:58.000 There's already some divergence in genetics, a mixture of those.
01:10:01.000 Obviously, your mother's side is from different.
01:10:04.000 But if your parents were cousins...
01:10:06.000 And then you fucked your sister and had a kid.
01:10:10.000 That's dipping into the same pool a little too much.
01:10:12.000 Which is probably something that was really common back in the day.
01:10:17.000 Like, especially with...
01:10:18.000 Pre-internet, yeah.
01:10:21.000 No, with royalty.
01:10:22.000 Royal people, like royal blood, that's like one of the inside jokes.
01:10:25.000 These fucking closed eyes, their eyes be that close to each other, they look all fucking weird.
01:10:31.000 It's because they're fucking in the same genetic pool all the time.
01:10:34.000 To have royal blood...
01:10:36.000 I love royal blood.
01:10:38.000 That would be kind of cool.
01:10:38.000 It makes sense why so many of them were fucking insane.
01:10:41.000 You know, you think about how many crazy things that kings and queens did.
01:10:45.000 Not just the power itself, but the fact that they were inbred.
01:10:48.000 Probably has something to do with it.
01:10:49.000 A lot of Amish, I bet, are inbred.
01:10:51.000 And a lot of people in, like, West Virginia.
01:10:54.000 You shouldn't say that.
01:10:54.000 They're going to come get you.
01:10:55.000 You been shitting on the Amish there, Red Bam.
01:10:59.000 You don't know nothing.
01:11:00.000 You don't know how to fire up a barn.
01:11:03.000 You don't know how to make your own barn.
01:11:04.000 You're not even a man.
01:11:05.000 I love the fact that the Amish get a chance to go fucking crazy after they become an adult.
01:11:10.000 It's called like Rumpelstiltskin or some shit.
01:11:12.000 They do?
01:11:12.000 What do you mean they get to go crazy?
01:11:15.000 Rump Springer.
01:11:15.000 Rump Springer?
01:11:16.000 Yeah.
01:11:17.000 They get to use electricity?
01:11:20.000 They get to fuck.
01:11:21.000 They get to do drugs.
01:11:22.000 Aren't they messed up?
01:11:23.000 I see those Amish shows.
01:11:24.000 They seem like they do have problems.
01:11:26.000 I think you're really generalizing, sir.
01:11:28.000 I've seen the Amish shows.
01:11:30.000 My healthy Amish friends would like that, that you're generalizing.
01:11:33.000 Aren't they fucked up?
01:11:34.000 I said on this show, I didn't say the F word, and I said just that show.
01:11:38.000 You didn't say fucked up?
01:11:39.000 Did I, Brian?
01:11:40.000 I believe you did.
01:11:41.000 They seem messed up.
01:11:42.000 They seem fucked up.
01:11:43.000 We'll rewind the tape.
01:11:44.000 I don't think I said the F word.
01:11:45.000 I don't think you said messed up.
01:11:47.000 That wouldn't sound right.
01:11:48.000 You're a grown man.
01:11:50.000 These things...
01:11:51.000 I don't know.
01:11:52.000 What's the matter?
01:11:53.000 I think more and more people...
01:11:54.000 I don't think I said the F word.
01:11:55.000 I think more and more people are not going back after the Rumpelstiltskins.
01:11:59.000 It's it.
01:11:59.000 Yeah.
01:12:00.000 They're done.
01:12:00.000 Yeah.
01:12:01.000 Yeah.
01:12:02.000 Rumpspringa, also spelled Rumpspring-I-N-G-E or Rumpspringa.
01:12:08.000 Hmm, that's the same thing.
01:12:10.000 Oh, S-H. Springa.
01:12:13.000 Is a period of adolescence where some members of the Amish community...
01:12:18.000 During which a youth temporarily leaves the community to experience life in the outside world.
01:12:25.000 Just sucking cock.
01:12:26.000 Are they allowed to do that?
01:12:28.000 Yeah, they're going off, man.
01:12:29.000 They're allowed to, and then they decide whether they come back or they don't come back.
01:12:33.000 So they're allowed to go out and have sex, these girls?
01:12:36.000 This is fascinating.
01:12:37.000 This is something I didn't know.
01:12:38.000 The Amish is a subsect of the Anabaptist Christian movement, which I think was originally started by Martin Luther in the 1500s.
01:12:47.000 There's a...
01:12:48.000 Fucking amazing podcast by Dan Carlin, a hardcore history podcast on Martin Luther and the Anabaptists and all these people that...
01:12:58.000 It was back in the time where they first learned how to interpret the Bible and put it in a form that was phonetic, where a regular person could read it.
01:13:08.000 Because apparently, before the 1500s, you really couldn't read the Bible.
01:13:12.000 You had to learn about it from a priest.
01:13:14.000 And if you were one of those rare people that spoke Latin and read Latin...
01:13:18.000 Then you could read it, but I mean, it wasn't like available to the public.
01:13:22.000 These were like sacred texts.
01:13:23.000 Like the idea that you get a Bible in every hotel room, you know, when you're on the road.
01:13:28.000 Yeah.
01:13:29.000 Almost every hotel room.
01:13:30.000 The Gideons.
01:13:30.000 I mean, they had the old Bill Hicks book about...
01:13:32.000 Anybody ever seen a Gideon?
01:13:34.000 I'm going to capture a Gideon.
01:13:36.000 He did a bit about...
01:13:37.000 Like setting a trap and calling the hotel.
01:13:40.000 My room doesn't seem to have a Bible in it.
01:13:42.000 You think you could send someone up?
01:13:44.000 That he was going to capture Gideon.
01:13:46.000 But back then, before Martin Luther translated the Bible into a phonetic form, people had no idea what the fuck was in that book.
01:13:53.000 They just had to listen to these asshole priests tell him.
01:13:56.000 And then once he did that, people wanted to kill him.
01:13:59.000 It was like this huge...
01:14:02.000 Change of philosophy for the whole Christian culture.
01:14:06.000 Because people started reading it to the Bible themselves.
01:14:08.000 And there's all these interpretations of it and shit.
01:14:11.000 But I didn't know that the subsect, that Amish was a subsect of that.
01:14:16.000 I wonder what the fuck happened that they decided not to have electricity.
01:14:21.000 Like, what's that about?
01:14:23.000 It probably teaches...
01:14:26.000 I don't want to say family values, but you really have to rely on each other and go out there and hunt for food.
01:14:33.000 Do they hunt, though?
01:14:34.000 Cut it up raw.
01:14:36.000 I don't know how they eat.
01:14:37.000 Well, I mean, I'm sure some of them may hunt, but I think their whole thing is farming, right?
01:14:43.000 Yeah, they're farming vegetables, kale, maybe apples.
01:14:50.000 They ride bicycles, right?
01:14:53.000 Did you ever see that Amish Mafia show?
01:14:56.000 That was a fascinating one, but the movie on Rump Springer was the best.
01:15:01.000 That was one that got pretty real.
01:15:04.000 What the fuck is that movie?
01:15:06.000 They also had that reality show with the Amish kids.
01:15:08.000 Oh, was it Kingpin?
01:15:09.000 Yeah, but there was a movie.
01:15:11.000 What was the fucking movie?
01:15:13.000 Kingpin was good, yeah.
01:15:14.000 It was Amish.
01:15:15.000 No, yeah, Kingpin was hilarious.
01:15:16.000 Devil's Playground, that's the one.
01:15:18.000 It's a documentary.
01:15:19.000 You want the 2010 one.
01:15:22.000 Or no, shit.
01:15:24.000 No, you don't.
01:15:26.000 There's a lot of different versions of it.
01:15:29.000 Holy shit.
01:15:31.000 Devil's Playground.
01:15:32.000 They've done like...
01:15:32.000 Why do people keep calling it Devil's Playground, you fucks?
01:15:35.000 You guys are ruining everything.
01:15:37.000 There's so many Devil's Playgrounds.
01:15:39.000 This is ridiculous.
01:15:40.000 How can you keep calling it Devil's Playground?
01:15:43.000 Look at this, Devil's Playground, 1928, an Australian silent film.
01:15:48.000 1937, an American drama.
01:15:50.000 1946, a drama.
01:15:52.000 1976. Comedy.
01:15:54.000 An Australian semi-autobiography.
01:15:57.000 2002, a documentary about the Amish.
01:16:00.000 That's the one.
01:16:01.000 That's the one you want.
01:16:01.000 Devil's Playground, 2002, a documentary by Lucy Walker about the Amish period called Rump Springer.
01:16:07.000 It's really interesting.
01:16:09.000 It's really interesting.
01:16:10.000 And what I thought was really fascinating about it is you see the confusion in these kids.
01:16:17.000 They get this weird break.
01:16:20.000 They get this weird break and they just want to fuck and drink and they smoke cigarettes and get crazy and use electricity.
01:16:26.000 I'm going to go check my local bread box.
01:16:31.000 Is that a joke?
01:16:32.000 For this?
01:16:33.000 Is that what you're saying?
01:16:33.000 For this?
01:16:34.000 Yeah, I thought about for 20 seconds, should I say it?
01:16:39.000 When I should say it?
01:16:40.000 If you're thinking about it, you're losing the magic, Brody Stevens.
01:16:43.000 I don't have to tell you that.
01:16:44.000 Steven Brody Stevens, you know the rules.
01:16:47.000 Think about it too much, lose the magic.
01:16:51.000 Who are you, David Copperfield?
01:16:53.000 No, no.
01:16:55.000 Lance Bass.
01:16:59.000 There's Amish porn to it.
01:17:01.000 Yeah.
01:17:01.000 I don't think they're really Amish.
01:17:02.000 I don't think you're allowed to fuck in front of a camera if you're Amish.
01:17:05.000 I think it steals your soul.
01:17:06.000 Or is that Indians?
01:17:07.000 How does that work?
01:17:08.000 Asian, I thought.
01:17:09.000 No, no, no, no.
01:17:10.000 Asian, you're not allowed to see the vagina.
01:17:11.000 You're not allowed to see pubic hair or the genitals.
01:17:14.000 They blur all that out.
01:17:16.000 Why would you?
01:17:17.000 Why would you want to see genitals?
01:17:18.000 I hear it doesn't look weird.
01:17:19.000 Or it does look weird.
01:17:20.000 Are you being racist?
01:17:21.000 No, I'm positive energy.
01:17:23.000 I go to Panda Express.
01:17:24.000 Oh, my God.
01:17:27.000 He's had some pixelation in his mouth from a man.
01:17:30.000 I have not, and that's not correct.
01:17:32.000 Brian, take that back.
01:17:34.000 If you don't take that back, that's going to get out there.
01:17:36.000 That has never, ever happened, and I never, ever want to do that.
01:17:42.000 It's out there.
01:17:43.000 Thank you.
01:17:44.000 It's too late.
01:17:44.000 It's out there.
01:17:44.000 You just put it out there.
01:17:45.000 What is this 10% you keep saying?
01:17:47.000 Why do you keep saying 10%?
01:17:49.000 Well...
01:17:50.000 Why does Brian keep saying 10%?
01:17:52.000 It's a running joke based in truth.
01:17:54.000 I had some issues.
01:17:55.000 I had some situations in my life, and I like to put numbers on things.
01:17:59.000 And based on these factors and experiences and thought processes, we came to the number of 10% gay.
01:18:10.000 I'm open with it.
01:18:12.000 What did you just say?
01:18:16.000 I don't understand what you just said.
01:18:17.000 What you just said was a statement that would really work if everybody knew what you were saying.
01:18:21.000 But I don't know what you're saying.
01:18:22.000 So what you're saying is a 10% gay, I'm open with it.
01:18:25.000 What does that mean?
01:18:26.000 Does that mean you're 10% gay?
01:18:28.000 I came out on my podcast probably like six months ago.
01:18:33.000 You came out 10%?
01:18:34.000 Yes.
01:18:36.000 What's so funny?
01:18:42.000 Is there any beers in there, Jamie?
01:18:44.000 Go get me a beer.
01:18:46.000 You need a beer on this one?
01:18:47.000 Yeah, this is gonna get ridiculous.
01:18:48.000 No, we don't have to talk about it, Joe.
01:18:50.000 Hand that ashtray over this way, too.
01:18:52.000 An ashtray?
01:18:53.000 Joe needs a beer and an ashtray.
01:18:54.000 Yeah, I need a cigar.
01:18:55.000 A cigar?
01:18:59.000 And it's also based on when you were in the Philippines or Taiwan, wasn't it?
01:19:05.000 Yeah, that factored in, too.
01:19:11.000 Joe, did you know any of this story?
01:19:13.000 I heard rumors online, but since I love Brody like a brother, since we are brothers in the art of stand-up comedy, since we are old-school comedy store brethren, we're old-school, bro.
01:19:24.000 You and I? We go back.
01:19:27.000 How many fun times have we had in that place?
01:19:29.000 Tons.
01:19:30.000 I mean, a lot, those early 2000s.
01:19:34.000 You had one set one night, it wasn't at the Comedy Store, but at the Improv, that I always tell people about a turn-a-room-around moment.
01:19:41.000 There was a moment where you were on stage where...
01:19:46.000 You were headed to the stage.
01:19:47.000 It was at the improv.
01:19:48.000 It was a late night set.
01:19:50.000 It was really late night.
01:19:52.000 And the crowd was just about fucking done.
01:19:54.000 They had seen a couple of scrubs before you.
01:19:56.000 A couple people went on before you that just didn't fucking, just couldn't pull it off.
01:20:01.000 You know, there's a totally different energy in those late night audiences.
01:20:06.000 But all those sets that you had done at the comedy store where you beat on the drums on the chairs, Brody would bring chairs on stage and drumsticks and pound on the chairs and just change the energy of the audience.
01:20:19.000 Make it like this thing where you could feel the energy again.
01:20:22.000 You took your shirt off and you started swinging it over your head and you were like cheerleading in the crowd.
01:20:29.000 Come on!
01:20:30.000 It's me!
01:20:31.000 It's Steven Brody Stevens!
01:20:33.000 This is the last...
01:20:33.000 Let's do it!
01:20:34.000 Yeah, let's do it!
01:20:35.000 You had music playing.
01:20:37.000 It was fucking fun, man.
01:20:39.000 I remember that night.
01:20:40.000 I had played drumsticks on the metal railings.
01:20:46.000 Yeah, you know, I just try to have fun, and the improv is a good place for me to open up, and, you know, you read a room sometimes, and you gotta pick it up.
01:20:56.000 Sometimes you're gonna sacrifice your jokes, but then it's like, depends, like, when you're hosting or whatever, but that was a fun set.
01:21:04.000 You know, it's having fun matters.
01:21:07.000 It does, and that's why you should tell us about what happened in Thailand.
01:21:12.000 Well, it wasn't fun.
01:21:13.000 It was...
01:21:14.000 You enjoyed it.
01:21:16.000 No.
01:21:16.000 To completion?
01:21:17.000 Everybody...
01:21:18.000 People hung out.
01:21:20.000 You know, it's...
01:21:22.000 The cops come, fucking buildings on fire, bodies everywhere.
01:21:27.000 What happened?
01:21:28.000 People hung out.
01:21:29.000 Look, without giving too much away, we do explain it in my show.
01:21:35.000 Um...
01:21:36.000 When you go to Bangkok...
01:21:37.000 Are you going to leave us hanging here?
01:21:39.000 No, I'll tell you, but I don't want to give it away because if people see it on the show, you get a big audience.
01:21:43.000 They'll see it on the show again.
01:21:44.000 Well, I don't want to give it away.
01:21:46.000 Trust me, this is a puzzling case.
01:21:48.000 People are going to want to examine this from every angle.
01:21:50.000 They're going to want to find out.
01:21:51.000 I guarantee you the amount of people that download that Ice House Chronicles where you brought this up, they're going to go through the roof.
01:21:56.000 What number, Brian?
01:21:58.000 42?
01:21:58.000 He doesn't know.
01:21:59.000 Figure it out.
01:22:00.000 Google it.
01:22:01.000 Okay, all I'm saying is I went to Bangkok.
01:22:03.000 We had fun.
01:22:05.000 You go to an area where they have all these different bars, and they have the get-togethers, the ping-pong balls, the young Vietnamese girls who will sit next to you for a Coca-Cola, that kind of thing.
01:22:20.000 You watch them dance.
01:22:22.000 They'll dance for you.
01:22:23.000 They'll sit by your side.
01:22:24.000 They smell good.
01:22:26.000 Sometimes they're topless.
01:22:27.000 If you really want to be with them, you can spend the money, and it's actually not that much.
01:22:34.000 Okay?
01:22:34.000 I want to say that.
01:22:35.000 So they have a few areas like that.
01:22:37.000 A lot of the Westerners hang out and go there.
01:22:40.000 It's fun.
01:22:40.000 It's different.
01:22:41.000 Simple.
01:22:42.000 Simple.
01:22:42.000 It's simple.
01:22:45.000 And then you go upstairs...
01:22:48.000 And then it's a little different.
01:22:49.000 You're getting a little like, whoa, that looks a little different in there.
01:22:53.000 The bone structure is interesting, but I see some other people dancing.
01:22:57.000 And then there's this one club that you go in and it's like, I guess, the best one up there.
01:23:02.000 And it's just, they're having a party.
01:23:04.000 It's fun.
01:23:05.000 The girls look...
01:23:07.000 Like girls, but you can tell like maybe some are guys, I guess, but it was one of these ladyboy bars and we're hanging out there having fun and they'll, you know, they will touch you.
01:23:20.000 They're very forward.
01:23:21.000 They will touch your leg, but they look like girls.
01:23:24.000 They smell like girls.
01:23:25.000 They look like girls.
01:23:27.000 They've had the treatments and you're sitting there and you're alone by yourself.
01:23:33.000 You're in Bangkok.
01:23:35.000 You're working on Hangover 2. They touch, and it's normal to get aroused.
01:23:46.000 And it was interesting, and I knew I was 16 hours away, time zone from America.
01:23:52.000 And I know comedians have gone down to Brazil or Thailand.
01:23:56.000 There's a whole history of it.
01:23:58.000 So...
01:23:59.000 I didn't really pursue it there, but I thought about it, and then maybe I came back on another night.
01:24:04.000 I go, you know, people thought I was gay.
01:24:06.000 You said maybe?
01:24:07.000 No, you came back, right?
01:24:08.000 Well, I was there for like two weeks in Thailand.
01:24:11.000 Why are you saying maybe I came back?
01:24:12.000 Because now you're making the story confusing.
01:24:14.000 Okay, well, one more.
01:24:16.000 I came back another night.
01:24:19.000 I said maybe I will come back.
01:24:21.000 You saw what you said.
01:24:23.000 There's a reason why I stopped you.
01:24:24.000 I don't want this to be fiction.
01:24:25.000 I mean, at that point, I'm probably 3% gay, and that's based off getting picked on as a kid.
01:24:33.000 Like, Brody, you walk like a girl.
01:24:35.000 Do you understand, Joe?
01:24:36.000 Growing up in Tarzana, I got picked on a lot.
01:24:39.000 Are you saying that someone can make you homosexual by, if they picked on you enough, 3% would be 100%?
01:24:46.000 No, 3% wouldn't make it 100, but if somebody is a child, you're in third grade, and there's a group of girls or even guys who go, oh, look at Brody, how he walks.
01:24:55.000 He looks like he's gay.
01:24:56.000 You walk like a gay kid.
01:24:58.000 You're always smiling.
01:24:59.000 And it was like I was a nice kid, and then I guess because I have a tilted pelvis, I walked weird, and I got picked on for that.
01:25:06.000 So I always felt like, wow, I guess I think I'm gay.
01:25:10.000 Maybe I'm...
01:25:12.000 Guess I'm gay.
01:25:13.000 I don't know.
01:25:13.000 Wow.
01:25:14.000 Wait a minute.
01:25:14.000 So is this like the secret?
01:25:16.000 Is this the power of suggestion?
01:25:18.000 Is that one of those things?
01:25:19.000 It's a power of being bullied.
01:25:21.000 So being bullied can turn you homosexual.
01:25:26.000 3%.
01:25:27.000 3%, yes.
01:25:28.000 If they're saying it, if enough people are saying, Brody, if I saw myself walk, if I sat and I saw myself walk, I would think, this guy walks a little gay.
01:25:40.000 Well, if you...
01:25:45.000 If you think that, why wouldn't you change your walk?
01:25:48.000 I tried.
01:25:49.000 I tried to get a lift in my shoe.
01:25:52.000 A lift in your shoe?
01:25:54.000 Which side is tilted?
01:25:55.000 Which one's down, which one's up?
01:25:56.000 I think my right shoulder.
01:25:58.000 You think?
01:25:58.000 I'll show it to you.
01:25:59.000 Do you know for sure?
01:26:00.000 Did you go to a voodoo doctor?
01:26:02.000 It's not a voodoo.
01:26:03.000 It's almost like a chiropractor.
01:26:05.000 A chiropractor.
01:26:06.000 This is like a physical thing.
01:26:07.000 Chiropractors are a lot like voodoo doctors.
01:26:10.000 There's a lot of chiropractors that just fucking move your neck around and take your money.
01:26:14.000 Not a lot going on.
01:26:15.000 I've been to good chiropractors, and I've been to chiropractors when you're like, what just happened?
01:26:20.000 Did I just give that guy $60 to rub my neck for 15 seconds?
01:26:23.000 That's what it feels like.
01:26:24.000 Oh, I'm going to adjust your anterior posture, your C7. They'll throw some terms at you that are completely unnecessary and very verbose and long, and then they'll crack your neck real quick.
01:26:35.000 Crack, crack!
01:26:35.000 And it kind of feels good.
01:26:36.000 I love when they crack the neck.
01:26:38.000 Yeah, it kind of feels good when they crack your neck, but I'm not sure if it works.
01:26:42.000 It relieves like a relief.
01:26:45.000 Does it?
01:26:45.000 I do that.
01:26:46.000 Sometimes it does.
01:26:47.000 Some guys are doing good at it, but sometimes it's like, what just happened there?
01:26:51.000 I'd like to get a chiropractic massage.
01:26:54.000 That would be good.
01:26:55.000 From a dude?
01:26:56.000 Take care of myself.
01:26:57.000 I don't care if it's a guy chiropractor.
01:27:02.000 Okay.
01:27:03.000 I'll take a female masseuse.
01:27:06.000 You don't like guy misogies?
01:27:07.000 I would take it like a sports massage, but not for a baseball team.
01:27:11.000 Like, hey, Brody, we're hanging out with the baseball players.
01:27:15.000 Here's a masseuse.
01:27:16.000 Yeah, if you get a massage from a dude, you want the lights to be on, you want like fucking Motley Crue playing in the background.
01:27:21.000 Thank you.
01:27:22.000 It's got to be in the mall.
01:27:23.000 Yeah, you don't want any scented candles or fucking harp music.
01:27:27.000 You know who gives great massages is a Jesus of Hollywood.
01:27:30.000 Yeah, he's the best.
01:27:30.000 What's that mean?
01:27:31.000 Kevin.
01:27:32.000 Kevin.
01:27:33.000 What are you talking about?
01:27:33.000 Hollywood Jesus.
01:27:34.000 You ever seen that guy that walks around Hollywood that looks like Jesus?
01:27:37.000 His name's Kevin Light.
01:27:38.000 No, I haven't seen them, I don't think.
01:27:39.000 There was a bunch of guys a long time ago.
01:27:42.000 I might be confusing them.
01:27:44.000 Remember the religious group that used to walk up and down Sunset?
01:27:46.000 Yes.
01:27:47.000 A guy would have a cross-trap.
01:27:48.000 Yeah.
01:27:49.000 This is different.
01:27:50.000 Different guy.
01:27:51.000 Yeah.
01:27:52.000 This guy's actually cool.
01:27:53.000 He actually was like a...
01:27:54.000 They would park in front of the comedy store and argue with comedians.
01:27:57.000 I remember Ari Shapiro got in this huge argument with them because they started quoting the Bible and they were saying shit that's not in there.
01:28:04.000 And Ari was like...
01:28:05.000 It's not even in there.
01:28:06.000 You don't know the Bible.
01:28:07.000 You're just talking.
01:28:09.000 Go away.
01:28:10.000 We don't want to hear it.
01:28:11.000 Ari read the Talmud 12 hours a day for years.
01:28:16.000 Yeah, he knows that stuff.
01:28:16.000 He went on religious retreat.
01:28:18.000 Ari was insanely religious.
01:28:21.000 I don't remember exactly what the fucking person was saying.
01:28:23.000 I just remember those guys moving around.
01:28:25.000 They were like blonde kids from a church.
01:28:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:28:28.000 And they had to cross.
01:28:29.000 There was a black kid, too.
01:28:30.000 There was a black kid who was always with them, too.
01:28:32.000 We ran them out.
01:28:33.000 They were always so lost.
01:28:34.000 We ran them out.
01:28:35.000 They were so lost.
01:28:36.000 Here's actually Kevin right here.
01:28:38.000 It's the Hollywood Jesus.
01:28:40.000 He's a really nice guy.
01:28:42.000 Oh, good.
01:28:42.000 And he gives male massages.
01:28:44.000 Okay.
01:28:45.000 In the public?
01:28:47.000 Yeah, at the comedy store.
01:28:48.000 We'll sit on a chair.
01:28:49.000 We'll take the tension out.
01:28:50.000 He's good.
01:28:51.000 That's awesome.
01:28:52.000 He goes to everybody, and he is the best.
01:28:54.000 He will separate your muscles from your bones.
01:28:57.000 Why doesn't he start a business?
01:28:59.000 He probably could.
01:29:00.000 We'll help him out.
01:29:01.000 We'll promote it.
01:29:02.000 Is this guy a homeless guy or is he a regular dude?
01:29:04.000 Regular dude.
01:29:05.000 Regular dude.
01:29:05.000 What does he do for a living?
01:29:07.000 I don't know exactly, but he lives a normal life.
01:29:11.000 Isn't it funny that you have to ask?
01:29:12.000 Because when you hear guys like a Hollywood Jesus, it's like a homeless dude, probably.
01:29:16.000 You don't assume that it's a guy who's got his shit together, who just likes dressing up as Jesus.
01:29:21.000 I think he does it for his mother.
01:29:24.000 His mother was really religious, and so to honor her, he just wants to make people happy.
01:29:28.000 It's possible.
01:29:28.000 Something like that.
01:29:29.000 I don't know.
01:29:30.000 I don't know.
01:29:30.000 That sounds good.
01:29:31.000 If I was going to write a comic book about the dude, that's what I would say.
01:29:33.000 I would make that his story.
01:29:35.000 That's a good angle.
01:29:36.000 Yeah, that would be the inside background story.
01:29:39.000 If I was to do like a Wolverine Origins on him, I would say it was his mother.
01:29:43.000 He promised to his mother, mother, I'll remain religious.
01:29:45.000 And little did he realize that as he was dressing up like Jesus Christ, he had Jesus Christ type powers.
01:29:52.000 He found them because his mother wanted him to dress up like that.
01:29:55.000 Well, he does, honestly, he does have Jesus-like qualities, if you want to look at it that way.
01:30:00.000 He's really giving.
01:30:01.000 He's a good guy.
01:30:02.000 He's smart.
01:30:02.000 He's supportive.
01:30:04.000 He is a good soul.
01:30:06.000 That's awesome.
01:30:07.000 Can you imagine if we found out that clothes like that give you powers?
01:30:10.000 If you wear a certain cloak, there's a certain material that you wear that allows you to read people's minds, see the contents of a person's soul, Brody Stevens.
01:30:19.000 Can you see my soul?
01:30:20.000 Like a ladyboy outfit?
01:30:21.000 Yeah.
01:30:22.000 Thanks, Brian.
01:30:23.000 So anyway, you go back to this place, and you're pretty much aware that you're hanging out with lady boys.
01:30:28.000 At this point, I'm 5% gay, and that's due to things in college, due to comments.
01:30:35.000 How did you go from 3 to 5, like, immediately?
01:30:39.000 The smell?
01:30:39.000 Do you want to give me a real number so we can fucking move on with confidence?
01:30:44.000 Joe, I'm factoring in the bullying-ness.
01:30:47.000 I'm factoring in some baseball stuff.
01:30:49.000 Am I bullying you?
01:30:50.000 Because I don't want to be a part of the future.
01:30:51.000 No, you're not.
01:30:51.000 You're not bullying me.
01:30:52.000 All right.
01:30:52.000 You know I love you, right?
01:30:53.000 Okay.
01:30:54.000 I went there, let's say 6% gay.
01:30:58.000 Six?
01:30:59.000 Jesus Christ.
01:30:59.000 By the end of this story, we're going to be at 86%.
01:31:03.000 I went to Bangkok 6% gay.
01:31:05.000 And I go, you know what?
01:31:06.000 I'm in Bangkok.
01:31:08.000 Let me push it to the limit and see what happens.
01:31:12.000 And if I like it, I'm into it.
01:31:15.000 Or if it humiliates me, no one's around.
01:31:19.000 This is my big opportunity.
01:31:22.000 And I really didn't do that much.
01:31:25.000 And I had the chance.
01:31:27.000 And I didn't do that much.
01:31:29.000 You said you got to Bangkok.
01:31:31.000 You were 6%.
01:31:33.000 6% gay.
01:31:34.000 6% when you got to Bangkok.
01:31:35.000 But then, when you went to the place, you knew there were ladyboys and you went back.
01:31:39.000 Wouldn't you say you'd have to say you went a little gayer than you were when you got there?
01:31:43.000 Well, it was more out of experience.
01:31:46.000 Like, to check this experience out.
01:31:48.000 Check me out.
01:31:50.000 Take the temperature.
01:31:51.000 But it was a gay experience.
01:31:53.000 It was...
01:31:54.000 I mean, what do you define as a gay experience?
01:31:56.000 There's a guy in you.
01:31:59.000 What happened?
01:32:02.000 Alright, hold on.
01:32:03.000 Is a transsexual a guy?
01:32:06.000 It's way closer to a guy than me.
01:32:09.000 Okay.
01:32:11.000 Have guys been fooled?
01:32:13.000 That doesn't even make any sense.
01:32:14.000 Have guys been fooled?
01:32:15.000 You don't even listen to people.
01:32:16.000 You don't even listen to people.
01:32:18.000 I made an error.
01:32:20.000 I said, is it a transsexual guy?
01:32:22.000 No, it's not as close to a guy as me.
01:32:24.000 Correct.
01:32:25.000 It's more a woman than it is a man.
01:32:27.000 It looked and felt like a woman.
01:32:29.000 Here's the reality of transsexuals, the cold hard reality.
01:32:33.000 It's just chromosomal.
01:32:34.000 That's it.
01:32:35.000 As far as behavior and appearance and maybe even sex, you might enjoy certain aspects of sex more with a transsexual than you would an angry, overweight, cigarette-smoking woman who's got a head like a frying pan.
01:32:53.000 If you found...
01:32:54.000 What is that?
01:32:54.000 Transgender woman?
01:32:55.000 Yeah, this is the picture that Brody is with.
01:32:58.000 What?
01:32:59.000 Brian, come on, man.
01:33:01.000 This is the internet.
01:33:02.000 You can't do that.
01:33:03.000 You're going to ruin everything for everybody.
01:33:06.000 Keep going, Joe.
01:33:07.000 My point is, I would rather have a sexual experience with a transgender that was really sexy and sweet.
01:33:16.000 Rather than a big, angry woman that's built like a football player.
01:33:19.000 Okay, I'm with you.
01:33:21.000 If you wanted to have a sexual experience, if you're a man, most likely you want to have a sexual experience with something feminine.
01:33:26.000 Yes.
01:33:26.000 And the reality of femininity versus masculinity, there's a line where shit gets blurry.
01:33:32.000 Yes.
01:33:32.000 And that line is big, angry, Fred Flintstone-looking women versus, like, Thai ladyboy that's actually very cute.
01:33:42.000 Yes.
01:33:43.000 Where do you go?
01:33:46.000 Get that fucking off the screen.
01:33:48.000 You're in Thailand.
01:33:49.000 You're alone.
01:33:50.000 You've got meal money.
01:33:52.000 Even if you're not in Thailand.
01:33:53.000 If you're anywhere.
01:33:54.000 If there's only three people on the planet.
01:33:55.000 It's you, the Thai lady boy, and the big Fred Flintstone looking angry, overweight woman.
01:34:02.000 I'm not going to be with a Fred Flintstone.
01:34:04.000 With boogers in her nose.
01:34:05.000 I won't be.
01:34:06.000 I'll let her give me a massage.
01:34:08.000 Her feet smell.
01:34:10.000 Ugh!
01:34:10.000 Why didn't you just get a transgender or a regular girl, though?
01:34:13.000 There was those two.
01:34:14.000 You could have probably got a nice young one.
01:34:15.000 I think that would be a different thing.
01:34:18.000 I think also there's the feeling of exploitation that comes with having a...
01:34:23.000 Having a sexual experience with a prostitute that's a female that you don't get if it's a prostitute that's a male.
01:34:29.000 If you go to a female prostitute, there's this thing where if you think about the concept of prostitution, you think that women are being exploited.
01:34:39.000 That's one of the main negative aspects of prostitution.
01:34:42.000 And then also, as a father, you start thinking, well, why are there prostitutes?
01:34:46.000 Most likely because they didn't have a good family structure.
01:34:49.000 They didn't have a good father figure.
01:34:51.000 They didn't have a good mother.
01:34:52.000 Whatever it was, it's not good.
01:34:54.000 Most likely.
01:34:55.000 There could be some weird people that just enjoy sex and don't mind getting paid for it because it's better than being a waitress.
01:35:00.000 That's possible too.
01:35:02.000 But when you think about a woman, most likely you're thinking about someone being sexually manipulated and someone being taken advantage of and objectified.
01:35:11.000 You think of a bad situation.
01:35:13.000 But you don't think about that with a guy.
01:35:16.000 You don't, especially a guy who used to be a guy and then became a girl and decided to do it because he wanted to do it.
01:35:25.000 He made the choice, wanted to do it, felt like that's who he is.
01:35:29.000 Do you think he made the choice?
01:35:31.000 Or did he kiss?
01:35:33.000 You definitely make the choice to have surgery.
01:35:35.000 But you feel it, almost like you have to get it done.
01:35:38.000 I can't tell, I mean, there's no way I could tell you what they feel.
01:35:42.000 But I would assume that they're telling the truth.
01:35:44.000 And when I've talked to, I mean, we had Buck Angel on the podcast, who's a transgender woman to man.
01:35:50.000 And, you know, he says that he's always known inside that he should be a man.
01:35:55.000 I mean, his personality was always, and that's the only time he was ever happy, was when he was allowed to be a man.
01:36:00.000 Did this person feel real, Brody?
01:36:03.000 Can I ask you a question?
01:36:04.000 Let's not deviate from the path here.
01:36:06.000 Let's not deviate from the path here because I think what we're talking about is actually a very important subject.
01:36:11.000 It's real?
01:36:11.000 You have to define it very clearly.
01:36:13.000 No, no, no.
01:36:13.000 Hold on a second.
01:36:13.000 You have to define this.
01:36:15.000 You have to pee.
01:36:15.000 Go pee.
01:36:16.000 Okay, can I come right back?
01:36:17.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:36:18.000 No, we're not going to let you back in.
01:36:19.000 There's a door out there.
01:36:20.000 You're punching a code.
01:36:23.000 I don't think that any one of us can tell someone what they feel inside their body.
01:36:28.000 And I've talked to way too many people that say that they know that they should have been a man or they know that they should have been a woman.
01:36:34.000 If that's the case, if they're saying that, you...
01:36:38.000 I think?
01:36:55.000 Of course some people were supposed to be boys and didn't come out boys.
01:37:00.000 Absolutely.
01:37:00.000 No doubt about it.
01:37:01.000 And I think one day they're going to be able to do something where they give these people some sort of a genetic manipulation.
01:37:08.000 And they're going to literally turn them into double X chromosome women.
01:37:12.000 And I think that's the beginning of the ability to manipulate the human genome, the ability to change a person's DNA. But until then, what do they have?
01:37:22.000 They have...
01:37:23.000 They have surgery, and they have hormonal treatments.
01:37:28.000 But if you had to choose between a guy who did that, a male, born male, who did that and became a really sexy transgender, or a disgusting, angry woman who hates men.
01:37:43.000 Disgusting, angry woman that hates men.
01:37:45.000 You would go with that?
01:37:46.000 Yep.
01:37:47.000 What are you talking about?
01:37:48.000 You're hilarious.
01:37:49.000 There's only three people on the planet.
01:37:51.000 Wait.
01:37:52.000 There's only three people on the planet.
01:37:53.000 You, the angry fucking project that you're going to try to turn into a lady with her big, giant, stinky feet or a really beautiful ladyboy.
01:38:03.000 Definitely number one.
01:38:05.000 I would definitely be with a woman, Joe.
01:38:07.000 Wait, you wouldn't be with a ladyboy?
01:38:08.000 I don't even know.
01:38:09.000 If I saw one of the post-penises, post-surgery penises, I wouldn't even look at it.
01:38:15.000 You don't have to look at it.
01:38:16.000 How about you don't have to look at it?
01:38:18.000 How about she comes with special cockles?
01:38:20.000 Like those 3D glasses?
01:38:23.000 You look at it through that and she looks perfect.
01:38:25.000 Can I ask a question, Brian?
01:38:26.000 Look, there's three people on the whole planet.
01:38:28.000 Most likely I'd kill myself.
01:38:29.000 Let me tell you something.
01:38:30.000 There's three people on the planet.
01:38:31.000 I'm going to go to the highest fucking mountain.
01:38:33.000 I'm going to stand there, look at it, and I'm going to say, fuck it and take a swan dive.
01:38:36.000 And then we're going to have to start fresh because I'll be the last male on the planet.
01:38:40.000 There'll be no impregnated people and those two people are going to die and that's going to be a wrap unless they...
01:38:44.000 Milk my balls for sperm when they find my dead body within a 24-hour period, my sperm staying alive.
01:38:49.000 Most likely, the human species ends there, Brian.
01:38:52.000 So yeah, I'd go with the tranny.
01:38:53.000 Is that okay?
01:38:54.000 No, that's fucking...
01:38:55.000 Joe, you fucking...
01:38:56.000 Can I ask Brian one quick question?
01:38:59.000 I would be sitting there eating that big, fat, real pussy, getting bitched at.
01:39:03.000 I don't give a shit.
01:39:04.000 I'd be opening that up and wiping it on my face, knowing it was real.
01:39:07.000 Please, please, please.
01:39:08.000 Can I ask you one question, Brian?
01:39:09.000 So, if and when, obviously I'm talking about on the podcast, and let's say this topic does appear on my show, this Ladyboy 10% issue, am I going to receive a lot of heat on it?
01:39:24.000 Not only because...
01:39:25.000 From who?
01:39:27.000 I don't know, from America.
01:39:28.000 Fuck them, man.
01:39:30.000 You're going to receive heat from people, no matter what.
01:39:32.000 No matter what you do.
01:39:33.000 There's going to be people that don't like this.
01:39:35.000 There's going to be people that don't like that.
01:39:36.000 Dude, you can't avoid heat.
01:39:38.000 If you're public, you get heat.
01:39:40.000 Yeah, but this is personal public.
01:39:43.000 I've seen Neil deGrasse Tyson take heat.
01:39:45.000 Who's that?
01:39:46.000 How dare you?
01:39:47.000 You don't know anything.
01:39:48.000 Well, don't say I don't know anything.
01:39:51.000 I follow sports, Joe.
01:39:53.000 Baseball.
01:39:53.000 Nothing about science?
01:39:54.000 Nothing about space?
01:39:56.000 I've heard of stuff.
01:39:57.000 I've heard of Bill Nye.
01:39:58.000 I've heard of...
01:39:59.000 I love weather.
01:40:02.000 I love geography.
01:40:03.000 I like geography.
01:40:05.000 I'm in the moon, I think.
01:40:09.000 I'm...
01:40:10.000 Okay, so you're in Thailand.
01:40:12.000 Oh gosh, here we go.
01:40:14.000 You're with the ladyboy.
01:40:15.000 You go back, you go to the club, you sit down.
01:40:18.000 Do you know right away that this used to be a guy?
01:40:21.000 Oh, definitely.
01:40:22.000 Well, you know, though.
01:40:23.000 No, no, no.
01:40:23.000 Let me tell you something, ma'am.
01:40:24.000 It used to be, is, whatever.
01:40:26.000 I didn't see an Adam's apple.
01:40:28.000 Do you remember the episode of the man show that we did with that transgender woman who was beautiful?
01:40:34.000 Vaguely.
01:40:34.000 Her name was Vanity or something like that.
01:40:36.000 Okay, vaguely.
01:40:37.000 Remember that?
01:40:37.000 Dude, she was really pretty.
01:40:40.000 Like, whoa, stunningly beautiful.
01:40:43.000 And was born a man.
01:40:44.000 And we did a segment where the guy got strapped to a table.
01:40:48.000 It was called Make Me Hard.
01:40:49.000 And the guy was strapped to a table, and we put a lightbox over his dick.
01:40:53.000 Well, the lightbox would go off when he got an erection.
01:40:56.000 So, of course, we controlled the button.
01:40:58.000 So it would be like whenever, like, midgets were eating bananas or...
01:41:01.000 We had this transgender get out.
01:41:03.000 And the transgender does a dance for this guy, and then she puts whipped cream on her nipples, and the guy sucks the whipped cream off her tits.
01:41:10.000 She had big fake tits.
01:41:11.000 And then she pulls out her penis.
01:41:12.000 Oh, I remember that.
01:41:13.000 She pulls out her penis at the end of this.
01:41:15.000 Oh, man.
01:41:16.000 And the light starts flashing.
01:41:17.000 Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
01:41:18.000 I remember that.
01:41:20.000 Her penis looked like a primate penis that had been poisoned.
01:41:26.000 Like if you took a chimp and you poisoned the chimp and you saw his dick after he was dying of poison.
01:41:31.000 Let me ask a question.
01:41:32.000 What happens to the penis was just a regular looking penis on a beautiful woman with breasts, good skin.
01:41:39.000 That'd be an issue.
01:41:40.000 Hair.
01:41:42.000 The penis would be an issue, for sure, if you had to do something with it.
01:41:45.000 Like, if the deal was, like, she's beautiful, but she's got a dick, and she's gonna blow you, but you gotta blow her.
01:41:52.000 No, okay, okay, okay, I'm out.
01:41:55.000 Okay, I'm out.
01:41:56.000 You said that's where you're out?
01:41:57.000 You're out on that.
01:42:00.000 Okay, if you're out on that, I'm out with you, Joe.
01:42:02.000 Okay, we're both out.
01:42:03.000 Okay, we're out on that.
01:42:04.000 So, I guess I'm 10% gay.
01:42:06.000 Yeah!
01:42:07.000 There you go!
01:42:08.000 I guess I'm 10% good.
01:42:09.000 Thank you!
01:42:11.000 So, you know it's a ladyboy.
01:42:14.000 Yes!
01:42:14.000 So you're sitting there.
01:42:15.000 Yes!
01:42:16.000 I loved it!
01:42:17.000 And what...
01:42:18.000 Were any of them in there actually born women?
01:42:23.000 Or was it all ladyboys?
01:42:25.000 Do you know?
01:42:26.000 I probably...
01:42:28.000 I mean, the lady running the plays was a woman.
01:42:31.000 But I think most of the dancers were male at birth.
01:42:37.000 But it's part of that culture, just to let you know.
01:42:39.000 It's very accepted to see ladyboys all around, working at Starbucks, walking down the street.
01:42:46.000 Why do you think that is?
01:42:47.000 I don't know.
01:42:48.000 It's a different culture over there.
01:42:51.000 But is it a cultural choice, or is it a genetic thing where there's a great percentage of people that feel like they should have been a woman?
01:42:59.000 I think there's something about genetics.
01:43:01.000 I don't know if Asians or the Thai people are more apt to having that gene.
01:43:07.000 I would wonder if there's some stats for that as far as women-to-men transgenders, like Buck Angel.
01:43:13.000 I wonder if there's some stats that show what countries have more transgender women-to-men.
01:43:19.000 That's a good question.
01:43:21.000 Does Thailand actually have more transgender men-to-men?
01:43:24.000 It's an accepted part of the culture.
01:43:26.000 I bet you down in Brazil there's a lot.
01:43:30.000 And may be accepted down there.
01:43:32.000 Right.
01:43:33.000 So, you can tell us as much as you want about this experience or you can end right here.
01:43:37.000 No, I'm willing to talk.
01:43:39.000 The only thing I'm thinking about is I don't want to give too much away on the show.
01:43:43.000 Okay.
01:43:44.000 And we'll see.
01:43:46.000 We'll keep going.
01:43:47.000 People are going to see the show anyway.
01:43:48.000 It's going to be awesome.
01:43:49.000 You've actually already said it on a podcast before, and we got you up to 12% gay.
01:43:52.000 I'm not 12%.
01:43:53.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute.
01:43:54.000 You brought him up to 12%?
01:43:55.000 Yeah, we got him up to 12% because there was something else that he does right now.
01:43:58.000 I got confused.
01:44:00.000 It feels like peer pressure.
01:44:01.000 I feel like you guys bullied him.
01:44:02.000 You can ask me a couple more questions and we'll move on.
01:44:04.000 You bullied him into an extra percentage of being gay.
01:44:06.000 You already said he got bullied into being three.
01:44:10.000 How I was walking.
01:44:12.000 I think it was because you still, like, click on, like, guy porn at home or something.
01:44:17.000 I forget what it was.
01:44:18.000 I'll tell you.
01:44:21.000 Might have to run out of here.
01:44:23.000 What?
01:44:25.000 You click on what?
01:44:27.000 That's a percentage.
01:44:28.000 That's residue percentage.
01:44:31.000 What, are you working at Chernobyl?
01:44:33.000 You're not describing fucking nuclear power, pal.
01:44:38.000 You're talking about being gay.
01:44:40.000 Residual effects.
01:44:41.000 I came back.
01:44:42.000 Quantum energy.
01:44:43.000 You came on his back?
01:44:45.000 Quantum gayness is what we're doing.
01:44:47.000 I had access to YouPorn and I did wander and click.
01:44:56.000 It's something I would never ever do and it's something that It's like, did people see Brokeback Mountain?
01:45:08.000 Did any straight guys see Brokeback Mountain?
01:45:11.000 I'm sure there were.
01:45:12.000 And I'm sure they saw two guys making love in the movie or whatever.
01:45:17.000 And they actually felt good about knowing these guys loved each other.
01:45:22.000 And it may even aroused a straight guy knowing that two guys were passionately in love with each other.
01:45:29.000 Would you do what they would...
01:45:31.000 Let me take it from here.
01:45:32.000 First of all, if you felt that from watching that movie, it means you don't have a sense of humor.
01:45:37.000 And you probably weren't there with another man who also has a sense of humor.
01:45:40.000 Because if you did, as soon as Jake Ellenberger...
01:45:44.000 No, what's his name?
01:45:45.000 Jake Gyllenhaal.
01:45:46.000 Sorry, Jake Gyllenhaal.
01:45:47.000 He's an MMA fighter.
01:45:48.000 Jake Gyllenhaal.
01:45:50.000 Gyllenhaal.
01:45:51.000 He's a professional mixed martial arts fighter.
01:45:52.000 Okay, alright.
01:45:53.000 I'm learning.
01:45:54.000 Gyllenhaal spits on his hand and then shoves his dick right into...
01:45:58.000 Not into that.
01:45:59.000 Yeah, right into Heath's butt.
01:46:01.000 I don't think you'd have to laugh a little.
01:46:04.000 I didn't see the movie.
01:46:06.000 We're only human.
01:46:06.000 I'm saying somebody got aroused by that who was not gay.
01:46:11.000 Oh boy, I'm not sure I agree with you there.
01:46:14.000 I think if that scene aroused you, I think you're probably gay.
01:46:17.000 I'm not saying the scene aroused you.
01:46:19.000 Maybe that two humans are in so love together...
01:46:27.000 And it's passionate, and it's almost wrong.
01:46:30.000 It's taboo.
01:46:32.000 There you go.
01:46:33.000 It's almost taboo to say that, you know what?
01:46:37.000 That scene from Brokeback Mountain...
01:46:40.000 It did start something.
01:46:43.000 But it didn't.
01:46:43.000 I never saw the movie.
01:46:45.000 I never saw the movie.
01:46:46.000 I saw it.
01:46:47.000 I never saw it.
01:46:48.000 The relationship between Heath Herring and Jake Gyllenhaal was very similar to one of my jokes.
01:46:54.000 I don't believe in bisexual men.
01:46:57.000 I think there's gay men and then there's really gullible straight dudes who get talked into blowing crafty gay guys.
01:47:05.000 Not me.
01:47:05.000 I'm 10% gay and I'm not in that direction.
01:47:08.000 That's what that movie was.
01:47:09.000 Jake Gyllenhaal was the really crafty gay dude, and Heath Richard...
01:47:14.000 What is his name?
01:47:15.000 Heath Ledger.
01:47:16.000 Heath Ledger.
01:47:17.000 I call him Heath Herring.
01:47:19.000 Heath Herring.
01:47:20.000 Heath Ledger.
01:47:21.000 Sorry, Heath.
01:47:23.000 Heath Herring is another MMA fighter.
01:47:25.000 Heath Ledger.
01:47:27.000 Was just like sort of a 9-volt battery brain dude.
01:47:30.000 Just kind of a dude who wasn't that smart.
01:47:33.000 And he was out there alone and hanging out with this guy and a bunch of fucking sheep around.
01:47:38.000 And he just got into it.
01:47:39.000 Fuck it.
01:47:40.000 Got talked into it.
01:47:41.000 But it ruined his life.
01:47:43.000 Wrecked his life.
01:47:44.000 He really wasn't even gay.
01:47:45.000 He was talked into doing gay shit.
01:47:46.000 Oh, he was?
01:47:47.000 Nah.
01:47:47.000 He had a family.
01:47:49.000 They just went with it.
01:47:49.000 Oh, he got talked into it?
01:47:51.000 See, I wouldn't get talked into it.
01:47:53.000 You want to?
01:47:53.000 I would not.
01:47:54.000 Oh, I thought you said I want to.
01:47:56.000 Uh...
01:47:57.000 Now I'm hearing things.
01:47:58.000 I would not...
01:47:59.000 Take it back to Thailand.
01:48:01.000 You're with the ladyboy, and how does it escalate?
01:48:05.000 We went to the second floor.
01:48:08.000 What do you think when you're walking up those stairs?
01:48:11.000 Biggest mistake of my life?
01:48:12.000 No, you know what?
01:48:13.000 I'll tell you what.
01:48:14.000 I wanted to see if I can...
01:48:17.000 Get it up?
01:48:18.000 Not get it up.
01:48:19.000 See, if I had the temptation, I could do whatever I want.
01:48:23.000 This is my big chance.
01:48:25.000 Everyone says, Brody, you're gay, you're gay, you're gay.
01:48:29.000 Jesus Christ.
01:48:29.000 Now, I'm in a room in Thailand.
01:48:33.000 Oh my God.
01:48:35.000 And you're like, I'll show you.
01:48:38.000 Oral, making fun of Brody.
01:48:43.000 And you know what?
01:48:46.000 I don't need to go into detail, but I pushed it to the limit.
01:48:51.000 I went as far as I could go.
01:48:54.000 Okay?
01:48:55.000 Did I perform?
01:48:56.000 I will go on record saying, no, I did not, never have, don't want to perform Oral on a man.
01:49:04.000 Can I go on record saying that?
01:49:06.000 I got you, but what happened?
01:49:08.000 Well, that didn't happen.
01:49:10.000 Okay.
01:49:12.000 Okay.
01:49:12.000 What didn't happen also is...
01:49:14.000 Kissing!
01:49:15.000 Kissing didn't happen.
01:49:16.000 I don't want to kiss a man.
01:49:18.000 Let's be clear.
01:49:18.000 There was no kissing.
01:49:20.000 No kissing.
01:49:21.000 No race car driving.
01:49:22.000 No meteorite impact.
01:49:24.000 Many other things didn't take place.
01:49:25.000 God, you make it unromantic.
01:49:39.000 I'm sorry.
01:49:40.000 I apologize.
01:49:41.000 I am a very romantic guy.
01:49:44.000 Go on.
01:49:47.000 And, you know, some stuff.
01:49:50.000 I tried...
01:49:53.000 You know, touch this.
01:49:55.000 I did not, I'll be honest.
01:49:58.000 I looked at it.
01:50:00.000 How close?
01:50:01.000 No, no, not...
01:50:02.000 No, no, probably...
01:50:07.000 What is that?
01:50:08.000 Three feet?
01:50:09.000 Two and a half feet?
01:50:09.000 From the ass or the dick?
01:50:12.000 I looked at the penis.
01:50:13.000 There's a difference.
01:50:14.000 Because if you're three feet from the dick, that's a safe judgment, Tom.
01:50:18.000 You can move left.
01:50:19.000 You can move right.
01:50:20.000 Correct.
01:50:20.000 Three feet from the ass?
01:50:22.000 No, I wasn't.
01:50:23.000 You're there.
01:50:24.000 You're basically there.
01:50:25.000 Okay.
01:50:25.000 No, no, no.
01:50:25.000 Time out.
01:50:26.000 Time out.
01:50:27.000 Are you saying three feet?
01:50:29.000 I'm talking about my face now.
01:50:30.000 Right.
01:50:30.000 Your face, three feet from his dick or his ass.
01:50:32.000 Can I say one thing?
01:50:34.000 Can I say another thing?
01:50:35.000 Yes, you can say whatever you want.
01:50:36.000 I never did.
01:50:37.000 Nor do I want to take my face and put it in a man's ass.
01:50:45.000 Okay.
01:50:45.000 Can I go on record saying that?
01:50:47.000 Now we know.
01:50:47.000 If there was any debate before, it's been squashed.
01:50:50.000 Okay.
01:50:51.000 Now you turn it around.
01:50:53.000 Okay.
01:50:53.000 And I'm in Bangkok and I go, well, people say I'm gay.
01:50:58.000 Turn around.
01:51:00.000 Let me look at it.
01:51:02.000 How far away?
01:51:04.000 How far away?
01:51:05.000 Three feet from the dick?
01:51:07.000 Yeah!
01:51:08.000 What's it look like?
01:51:09.000 Is it hard at least?
01:51:10.000 No, I'll tell you what.
01:51:12.000 No.
01:51:12.000 It was what you described.
01:51:15.000 It wasn't normal.
01:51:17.000 Something happened to it.
01:51:18.000 It's been poisoned.
01:51:19.000 Whatever.
01:51:20.000 There's some chemical.
01:51:21.000 When you start injecting your body with estrogen, I would assume your dick shrivels up.
01:51:25.000 It's not necessary anymore and it knows it.
01:51:28.000 Just like when you inject your body with testosterone.
01:51:30.000 If you're a woman, you're not supposed to have men's levels of testosterone.
01:51:34.000 Plus, those women in bodybuilders, they grow dicks.
01:51:37.000 Their clit extends.
01:51:38.000 It's like when you find a dead body hanging that's been there for a week.
01:51:42.000 It's stretched and it's turned black.
01:51:44.000 Different thing.
01:51:46.000 Different thing, Brian.
01:51:48.000 Okay, so the dick was soft.
01:51:51.000 I didn't touch it.
01:51:52.000 Okay, but when you saw it- I may have tapped it just to see what it's like to say I officially touched it.
01:51:57.000 I've never touched a man's penis, ever.
01:51:59.000 How do you even know that you're in a dream unless you touch it, right?
01:52:03.000 I guess, yeah.
01:52:03.000 I just touched with no stimulation at all.
01:52:07.000 It's like that thing that you do when you're lucid dreaming.
01:52:10.000 The way you practice lucid dreaming is by walking around your house, and every time you get to a doorknob or doorway, you knock on the doorway, am I dreaming?
01:52:19.000 And if you're not dreaming, you feel it.
01:52:22.000 You knock on the door.
01:52:23.000 But if you're dreaming, your hand just goes right through.
01:52:25.000 And you go, oh my goodness, I'm dreaming.
01:52:27.000 And that's how you lucid dream.
01:52:29.000 Interesting.
01:52:30.000 It's like a meditative device.
01:52:32.000 So whenever you see a dick, you should thump it and go, am I dreaming?
01:52:36.000 No.
01:52:37.000 That should be your dream.
01:52:38.000 I got set up here.
01:52:39.000 I just got set up here.
01:52:41.000 We all dream about dicks.
01:52:42.000 Okay, Joe.
01:52:43.000 If it's our dick or Godzilla's dick.
01:52:45.000 I don't want it.
01:52:47.000 I'm not some dick guy.
01:52:48.000 You don't have to want it.
01:52:49.000 I don't even want to touch it.
01:52:50.000 But you did.
01:52:51.000 But you did.
01:52:52.000 A touch is a doctor.
01:52:54.000 A touch as a doctor.
01:52:55.000 When did you get your doctor?
01:52:56.000 I just did it to officially say I've done it.
01:52:59.000 What did you do to your residency?
01:53:02.000 Miami State!
01:53:04.000 Arizona State!
01:53:05.000 Enjoy it!
01:53:07.000 Okay, doctor.
01:53:08.000 Please continue.
01:53:11.000 There was no kissing.
01:53:12.000 I don't want to kiss.
01:53:13.000 What did this guy smell like?
01:53:15.000 She smelled good.
01:53:16.000 She smelled...
01:53:17.000 It was a girl.
01:53:18.000 Well, okay.
01:53:18.000 What point in time...
01:53:19.000 Here's the question.
01:53:21.000 When you become a transgender...
01:53:24.000 When do we decide to call you a girl?
01:53:27.000 Is it when you make the choice?
01:53:30.000 Because if you still have a penis, it becomes very difficult to buy your story.
01:53:34.000 I don't know if you have to have your penis cut off.
01:53:36.000 I don't know if you have to be on certain medication, hormones.
01:53:43.000 I guess it's just for a courtesy, it's just the person's choice.
01:53:48.000 Like if you decided tomorrow that you wanted to be...
01:53:53.000 Eustace.
01:53:54.000 Is that the girl's name?
01:53:56.000 What's the girl's name?
01:53:58.000 Becky?
01:53:58.000 The porno chick?
01:54:00.000 Becky Stevens.
01:54:00.000 No!
01:54:01.000 You!
01:54:01.000 Me.
01:54:02.000 You decided to be a woman.
01:54:03.000 Okay, Becky Stevens.
01:54:06.000 I would start calling you a woman.
01:54:07.000 I would start calling you her.
01:54:09.000 You would.
01:54:09.000 Out of respect.
01:54:10.000 Out of respect.
01:54:11.000 And I'm taking hormones.
01:54:13.000 Yeah, out of respect.
01:54:13.000 But did you know that there's queer?
01:54:16.000 Do you know what queer is?
01:54:17.000 Those are like gay guys who've taken the word over.
01:54:20.000 No.
01:54:21.000 You know in the LBTQT? Lesbian.
01:54:26.000 It's lesbians, bisexuals, gay, transgender, queer.
01:54:32.000 The queer one's a strange one.
01:54:34.000 And the queer one is they want to be whatever they want to be.
01:54:37.000 They want to be a man, they want to be a woman, they want to be whatever the fuck they want to be.
01:54:40.000 Oh really?
01:54:40.000 They want to be they, or they want to be it.
01:54:43.000 Maybe I'm queer.
01:54:44.000 They have different designations.
01:54:46.000 I'm 15% queer.
01:54:47.000 That they choose.
01:54:49.000 10% gay, but 15% queer.
01:54:51.000 I like it.
01:54:52.000 Yeah.
01:54:52.000 I like it.
01:54:53.000 We're moving closer to our goal.
01:54:54.000 I feel like we're on a home shopping network and I'm selling queer.
01:54:57.000 I know.
01:54:58.000 We're moving closer to the goal of 86% gay by the end of the podcast.
01:55:03.000 We can do it, ladies and gentlemen.
01:55:04.000 All we need is more stories.
01:55:06.000 We got more Brody coming up right after this.
01:55:08.000 Look at the design of this.
01:55:10.000 We get this from China, but let me assure you the quality is remarkable.
01:55:14.000 His lips are soft for any cock.
01:55:16.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:55:18.000 Come on, Brian.
01:55:20.000 You're an asshole, dude.
01:55:20.000 You're ruining everything.
01:55:22.000 We're so close to getting him up to 25%.
01:55:25.000 That's not going to happen.
01:55:26.000 Which is, I think, the real number.
01:55:26.000 Joe, no it isn't.
01:55:28.000 No it isn't.
01:55:29.000 See?
01:55:29.000 That's not.
01:55:30.000 Look, look, look.
01:55:31.000 It's not.
01:55:31.000 Come on, man.
01:55:33.000 25%?
01:55:33.000 Here's why.
01:55:34.000 It's an aggressive attack.
01:55:36.000 This is what I say.
01:55:38.000 I'm going to be honest with you.
01:55:39.000 25%?
01:55:40.000 At that moment, okay?
01:55:41.000 At the moment where that guy is sucking on your dick.
01:55:46.000 Happens in prison all the time.
01:55:47.000 I think you're at 40% gay.
01:55:49.000 Are you kidding?
01:55:51.000 For that moment.
01:55:52.000 This could mess with my head.
01:55:54.000 No, for that moment.
01:55:55.000 What I'm offering you is a fluctuating scale of gayness.
01:56:01.000 But you brought me all the way up to 40. I think you go as high as 40 when you come in a man's mouth.
01:56:06.000 I think I'm being very generous.
01:56:08.000 Very generous by often you're 40. For most of the population, when you come in a man's mouth, you hit 100. I don't think so.
01:56:15.000 Yes, you do.
01:56:16.000 Yes, you do.
01:56:17.000 Would you say if you were in prison, you got locked down?
01:56:19.000 We're not in prison, Brody.
01:56:21.000 I don't plan on going to prison.
01:56:22.000 I'm a nice guy.
01:56:23.000 I don't break any fucking laws.
01:56:25.000 I defy you.
01:56:28.000 You can't define me like that.
01:56:30.000 You're going with prison simply because that's the only place we have no options is sexual parking.
01:56:34.000 I had no options that night.
01:56:37.000 Most people don't go to prison, Brody.
01:56:39.000 It's a dumb thing to bring up.
01:56:42.000 Most people don't go to prison.
01:56:44.000 And when they walk upstairs on their own without a security guard having them shackled, wrist to handcuff, you're like pretending.
01:56:50.000 Hey, they brought me to the mess hall and then they sucked my dick.
01:56:52.000 That's not what happened.
01:56:54.000 Okay?
01:56:54.000 Go back to me being bullied.
01:56:57.000 Go back to that.
01:56:58.000 Remember that.
01:56:59.000 They didn't blow the buzzer and give you your one hour outside to play basketball and you wind up getting your dick sucked.
01:57:04.000 That's not what happened, Brody.
01:57:05.000 You made a choice to go up those stairs.
01:57:07.000 There's nothing wrong with it.
01:57:08.000 But you're about 40% gay.
01:57:10.000 I pushed it.
01:57:10.000 I don't believe those numbers.
01:57:12.000 Brian, what do you think?
01:57:13.000 When you come in a guy's mouth, what are we up to?
01:57:15.000 Who's to say I did that?
01:57:16.000 I'm just assuming.
01:57:18.000 I would say definitely 25. I don't like your numbers, Brian.
01:57:21.000 That's a shocker.
01:57:23.000 You've never brought that number up to me.
01:57:25.000 I cannot believe that Joe said 40%.
01:57:27.000 Listen, I said 40% because I love you.
01:57:29.000 I should have said 100. It came in a man's mouth.
01:57:31.000 Can I say something?
01:57:32.000 I think it's almost immediately gay as fuck.
01:57:34.000 It's probably the gayest thing you could do other than fucking the guy in the ass.
01:57:37.000 Did he spit it back into your mouth, Brody?
01:57:40.000 What is more gay?
01:57:41.000 What is more gay?
01:57:42.000 I'm going to say something to you.
01:57:43.000 Hold on a second.
01:57:43.000 Let's be real.
01:57:44.000 You can say whatever you want, but let's be real.
01:57:46.000 I just want to know what's gayer.
01:57:48.000 If you think I'm 40% gay, at the end of this, you're going to probably think I'm 65% gay.
01:57:55.000 86 is our goal, but you're playing games.
01:57:57.000 That's not what I said.
01:57:58.000 I never said that.
01:57:59.000 And I'll tell you what.
01:58:00.000 I offer you a fluctuating scale of 0% gay.
01:58:01.000 And I'm going to get hammered on TV for this.
01:58:04.000 No, you're not.
01:58:05.000 You're going to be loved.
01:58:05.000 Will you protect me?
01:58:06.000 Fuck yeah, I love you.
01:58:07.000 After that segment?
01:58:08.000 I love you and America loves you too.
01:58:10.000 You'll be universally protected.
01:58:12.000 The only people that'll despise you because of this are assholes.
01:58:14.000 Fuck them!
01:58:15.000 What are you, perfect?
01:58:16.000 You're perfect sexually?
01:58:17.000 No!
01:58:18.000 You keep your room clean?
01:58:19.000 Fuck you!
01:58:20.000 Yes, I do!
01:58:20.000 If you give Brody Stevens a hard time for being 86% gay, I say fuck you!
01:58:24.000 I'm not 80% gay!
01:58:25.000 That's our goal, Brody!
01:58:26.000 Right now we're at 40!
01:58:28.000 Stop it!
01:58:28.000 The moment you decide...
01:58:29.000 40 is...
01:58:30.000 Release the hounds!
01:58:32.000 And it's down the hatch of a man's throat.
01:58:34.000 Probably...
01:58:35.000 Cigarette breath and fucking stubble.
01:58:37.000 I don't think that's so bad.
01:58:39.000 If you feel stubble on your balls and your balls are clean shaven, it probably is a stimulator.
01:58:43.000 I guarantee you there's at least 10 comedians that have gone down to Brazil and had their penis sucked by a transvestite.
01:58:50.000 Every time you try to rationalize what you've done by comparing yourself to the acts of others that are also ridiculous, you get another 10% gay.
01:58:58.000 Stop that!
01:58:58.000 So we're now at 35% gay.
01:59:01.000 Our goal is 86. We've got at least 20 minutes left of this podcast.
01:59:05.000 We can do this, Brody.
01:59:06.000 Well, if I talked more, I would probably come very close to hitting your goal.
01:59:12.000 What is going on in the thing here?
01:59:13.000 Nothing right now.
01:59:15.000 You'd come very close to hitting 86 if you tried.
01:59:19.000 So, like, if you're on Ecstasy and you're with the perfect lady.
01:59:23.000 I was on Ecstasy, but...
01:59:24.000 Like Vanity.
01:59:25.000 Like Vanity from The Man Show.
01:59:27.000 Remember her?
01:59:27.000 Yeah, she was hot.
01:59:28.000 Fuck.
01:59:30.000 I've pushed it to the limit, and I know...
01:59:32.000 You're not a race car driver, Brody.
01:59:34.000 Alright?
01:59:35.000 Stop saying like you're breaking in new tires.
01:59:38.000 We're trying to figure out these compounds when we hit the skid pad.
01:59:41.000 That's not what's going on.
01:59:42.000 When you're saying you push it to the limit, what are you saying?
01:59:44.000 What's with the euphemisms, Brody?
01:59:46.000 Let's get real with America.
01:59:48.000 Because America loves you.
01:59:49.000 And they love you the most when you're telling the truth.
01:59:51.000 I said, let's see how far I can go.
01:59:54.000 That's 35% gay.
01:59:56.000 Right?
01:59:58.000 I don't think so.
01:59:59.000 Come on, let's be real.
02:00:00.000 No!
02:00:01.000 No?
02:00:02.000 It might be a 35% gay thought worth...
02:00:06.000 It's worth probably 4%.
02:00:09.000 Where are we at the moment?
02:00:11.000 I mean, what's going on here?
02:00:12.000 She's sucking your dick, but is she tickling your balls?
02:00:15.000 Probably.
02:00:16.000 Does she know her thing?
02:00:17.000 Does she know what the fuck she's doing?
02:00:18.000 Yeah, they're decent.
02:00:19.000 But if you feel like a girl's doing it, or do you feel like a guy's doing it that's beautiful?
02:00:23.000 I don't think about a guy.
02:00:24.000 You're not thinking about a guy?
02:00:26.000 No.
02:00:26.000 You're thinking she looks like a girl...
02:00:27.000 Makeup.
02:00:28.000 Release the hounds.
02:00:29.000 Smell.
02:00:30.000 Feel.
02:00:30.000 Breasts.
02:00:31.000 Sexuality.
02:00:33.000 Adam's apple.
02:00:34.000 I mean, sorry about that.
02:00:38.000 When you release the hounds, is there any feeling of regret?
02:00:44.000 I didn't have any.
02:00:46.000 If that even, from my recollection, no.
02:00:50.000 Were you stone cold sober?
02:00:53.000 I was probably on a hookah and beer.
02:00:55.000 I think we hit 86%.
02:00:56.000 No, we didn't!
02:00:57.000 I feel pretty good about this.
02:00:58.000 I want to say this, Joe.
02:01:01.000 I'll talk about whatever you want regarding this.
02:01:04.000 I'll be honest, it is a subject that does make me uncomfortable.
02:01:08.000 Why?
02:01:09.000 For just a couple reasons.
02:01:10.000 The other reason is that it is so public.
02:01:13.000 So what?
02:01:14.000 I know, but it's going to be on Comedy Central, and it freaks me out.
02:01:19.000 No, listen, Brody.
02:01:20.000 Who you are is who you are, and who you are is awesome.
02:01:24.000 We love you.
02:01:25.000 It doesn't matter if you're 86% gay or 0%, like everybody else in the room.
02:01:29.000 It doesn't matter.
02:01:30.000 But let me say this.
02:01:31.000 On this podcast, you allowed me to kind of explain everything about it.
02:01:36.000 I allowed you to express yourself and be Brody.
02:01:38.000 And I feel like maybe on this show...
02:01:41.000 And I'm not blaming anybody.
02:01:42.000 It could be my own neuroses.
02:01:44.000 I don't know if it comes across that way, kind of how we explained it.
02:01:49.000 I know it's a TV show, and I know this is a podcast, but that's where some of my anxiety lies.
02:01:56.000 But the fact that we just talked about this here does make me feel better.
02:02:00.000 And knowing that you have my back...
02:02:02.000 I have your back if you're 100% gay, which a lot of people have said online, when you come in a guy's mouth, you're 100% gay.
02:02:09.000 A lot of people have said that.
02:02:10.000 I don't agree with them.
02:02:11.000 I don't agree with them.
02:02:14.000 Thank you.
02:02:15.000 But you're 86%.
02:02:17.000 At that moment.
02:02:18.000 I debate you on that.
02:02:19.000 I said 40 before, but it's because I love you.
02:02:21.000 If I didn't know you, I'd say 100%.
02:02:22.000 But I do, and I love you, and I don't care.
02:02:25.000 I think you're 100% awesome.
02:02:26.000 I don't think it matters if you're 10% gay or 25% gay.
02:02:30.000 Who gives a shit?
02:02:31.000 And yeah, you know what?
02:02:32.000 Ladyboy as opposed to a gay man.
02:02:35.000 If it was a dude who looked like Don Barris, and he had a full beard, and he was sucking your dick, that would be a completely different experience.
02:02:41.000 Exactly.
02:02:42.000 That's wrong, and God doesn't appreciate that.
02:02:44.000 No, they do.
02:02:45.000 God does appreciate that.
02:02:46.000 I'm kidding.
02:02:46.000 I'm joking about that.
02:02:47.000 Look, God made gay people, and that's the Christian's conundrum, that God made gay people, too.
02:02:52.000 God made everything.
02:02:53.000 Why did God make sociopaths?
02:02:54.000 Do you believe in God?
02:02:55.000 Do you believe in God?
02:02:57.000 I don't know.
02:02:58.000 This is the reality.
02:03:00.000 Good question.
02:03:00.000 Good answer.
02:03:01.000 I would like to think that science provides me with a lot of answers to how the universe works.
02:03:09.000 And I think it does, for the most part.
02:03:11.000 But I think science is discovering new things every day.
02:03:14.000 Do I believe in religion?
02:03:15.000 Absolutely not.
02:03:16.000 But I do leave open the possibility that there could be some sort of a higher power.
02:03:22.000 I don't know if it's a guy with a fucking robe who lives in the clouds and has a harp.
02:03:28.000 I don't know.
02:03:29.000 But the reason why I don't know is because I haven't died.
02:03:31.000 I haven't been there.
02:03:34.000 Life itself is way crazier than a god.
02:03:38.000 Just life itself.
02:03:38.000 Say if there's no god that made the universe, there's no universal power that controls this, there's no laws that guide the universe to an ever-expanding degree of complexity.
02:03:49.000 If there's none of that, if there's no higher power...
02:03:53.000 Man, this is amazing.
02:03:55.000 It's amazing if there's no one running the show.
02:03:57.000 It's amazing that this happened.
02:03:59.000 It's amazing that there was a big bang.
02:04:01.000 There was something smaller than the head of a pin.
02:04:03.000 And by some sort of reaction that no one can explain, it exploded.
02:04:08.000 And this incredibly dense, tiny object became everything you see in the universe.
02:04:14.000 Every particle of matter, even the ones we can't even figure out, like dark matter.
02:04:19.000 All that shit is so fascinating.
02:04:21.000 The fact that every fucking galaxy has a supermassive black hole inside of it that's one half of one percent of the mass of the entire galaxy.
02:04:29.000 The bigger the black hole, the bigger the galaxy.
02:04:31.000 It's fucking madness.
02:04:33.000 And then the fact that inside every black hole might be another universe, supernovas and asteroids.
02:04:38.000 Asteroids and lava and Komodo dragons and pigeons.
02:04:42.000 The world is fucking crazy.
02:04:44.000 It's a mad, mad, mad world.
02:04:47.000 And to think that it's impossible for there to be a god, I think is ridiculous.
02:04:52.000 The whole thing's impossible.
02:04:54.000 A lava is impossible.
02:04:56.000 Oceans are impossible.
02:04:58.000 A river is impossible.
02:04:59.000 Salmon are impossible.
02:05:00.000 A fucking grizzly bear is madness.
02:05:03.000 All of its craziness.
02:05:04.000 Every single fucking thing on earth is insane.
02:05:07.000 All of it together is...
02:05:09.000 The fact that it exists, the fact that we're on a podcast and we can broadcast...
02:05:14.000 Instantly, worldwide, the fact that we have laptops that are a fucking inch thin and contain gigabytes of data, the fact that you can buy beer and you don't have to fucking go get a wood barrel together like an asshole, like one of those moonshiner shitheads, and brew your own booze.
02:05:28.000 It's all madness, Brody Stevens.
02:05:31.000 So I don't know if there's a god.
02:05:32.000 But I'll tell you what, that comforts me.
02:05:34.000 The fact that you're not one of those guys who go, no, there's no God.
02:05:38.000 Those guys haven't taken mushrooms.
02:05:40.000 I'm an atheist or whatever.
02:05:41.000 I'm like you.
02:05:42.000 I believe there's a higher being.
02:05:45.000 That's all.
02:05:46.000 I'm into prayer.
02:05:47.000 I believe.
02:05:48.000 I'm blessed.
02:05:49.000 I'm not into the whole religion.
02:05:51.000 I like to think I'm more spiritual.
02:05:53.000 You sound like a chick.
02:05:55.000 You sound like a chick in my yoga class.
02:05:57.000 Oh, God.
02:05:57.000 What does that make me?
02:05:58.000 90% gay?
02:05:59.000 I don't believe in religion, but I'm pretty spiritual.
02:06:01.000 Well, I am.
02:06:03.000 I am.
02:06:04.000 But I'm not afraid to say...
02:06:07.000 Sometimes I feel in Hollywood it's wrong to say you believe in God.
02:06:12.000 Yeah.
02:06:12.000 Well, I think it's wrong to believe...
02:06:14.000 I don't want to say wrong, but I don't think it's a good idea.
02:06:17.000 For me, personally, I'll say this.
02:06:19.000 I'll try to be as...
02:06:23.000 It's not a good idea for me personally to believe in anything that I can't rationally explain and see the work.
02:06:30.000 I don't understand quantum physics, okay?
02:06:33.000 And I've tried.
02:06:34.000 I've read a few books on it.
02:06:36.000 I've watched many documentaries on it.
02:06:37.000 I've had quantum physicists on the podcast.
02:06:40.000 We had Amit Goswami, who's a quantum theorist.
02:06:43.000 We had him on the podcast.
02:06:44.000 He talked his mystical wizardry to us.
02:06:46.000 I don't necessarily understand it though.
02:06:50.000 And so when people say, do you believe in quantum physics?
02:06:52.000 I gotta go.
02:06:53.000 I think they know what they're saying and universally amongst them they agree on certain principles amongst all these quantum physicists.
02:07:04.000 But me personally, I honestly don't know enough to say I know what the fuck is going on.
02:07:10.000 I trust them for sure that they're telling the truth.
02:07:13.000 It's not like just a whole group of liars who's making shit up.
02:07:17.000 I don't think that's going on.
02:07:18.000 But when you say, like, do you believe...
02:07:21.000 I go, I guess?
02:07:23.000 I guess, but I don't know.
02:07:24.000 That's the same way I feel about religion.
02:07:26.000 It's the same way I feel about the idea of God.
02:07:28.000 Like, do you believe in God?
02:07:29.000 I don't know.
02:07:30.000 I don't know.
02:07:31.000 I don't know.
02:07:32.000 And less so that than quantum physics.
02:07:34.000 So I don't know.
02:07:35.000 But you seem to say no to religion, but it's okay to God.
02:07:39.000 Religion is created by man.
02:07:41.000 Make no mistake about it.
02:07:42.000 It's provable.
02:07:43.000 We can show the lineage of religion.
02:07:45.000 We can show the New Testament being created by Constantine and all these bishops.
02:07:49.000 It's been proven that there were certain pieces of religious work that was left out of that.
02:07:56.000 They made decisions as to what to put in the Bible, what to leave out of the Bible.
02:08:01.000 It's been shown that there's been a metamorphosis of the Christian religion from the jump.
02:08:06.000 There's a difference between the original ancient Hebrew Bible and the Dead Sea Scrolls, which is the oldest version of the Bible by like a thousand years.
02:08:15.000 And I think the only one that was written in Aramaic.
02:08:18.000 So you've got the ancient Hebrew version of the Bible.
02:08:21.000 You've got the translations from ancient Hebrew to Latin and to Greek.
02:08:27.000 There's so many different things going on.
02:08:30.000 There's so many different things going on when you talk about religion.
02:08:33.000 What you're talking about is what man wrote down.
02:08:36.000 That doesn't necessarily mean there's no God.
02:08:39.000 And I don't think you can ever...
02:08:41.000 I think the universe is so vast and puzzling that to really decide that you know how it all started and you know what's going on behind the scenes, you have to be a fool.
02:08:53.000 I don't think our idea of a God is like a person with superpowers.
02:08:58.000 I think that's pretty ridiculous.
02:08:59.000 But I don't think it's impossible that there might be some God-like quality We're good to go.
02:09:16.000 What's that?
02:09:17.000 The Fibonacci sequence is a mathematical sequence that you find in sunflowers and pine cones and the shape of a person's face.
02:09:23.000 And the Fibonacci sequence is also, it was used in a Tool song.
02:09:29.000 I don't remember the fucking song.
02:09:31.000 Let me pull it up because it's amazing.
02:09:36.000 Maynard is just a bad motherfucker.
02:09:39.000 He's just such an interesting, creative guy.
02:09:43.000 Have you met him or had him on the podcast?
02:09:45.000 Yeah, yeah, a couple times.
02:09:46.000 Oh, that's it.
02:09:47.000 It's Lateralus.
02:09:49.000 L-A-T-E-R-A-L-U-S. But he used the Fibonacci sequence to make this song.
02:09:58.000 The Fibonacci sequence is, it's like 0, and then 1, and then 2, and then 3, and then 2 plus 3 is 5, and then 5 plus 3 is 8. And it's this exponentially expanding series of numbers.
02:10:14.000 And the idea is that this coding, these...
02:10:19.000 The golden section of the golden string, as it were, as it's described, is like the secret to life itself.
02:10:27.000 That life itself is this weird, fractal, mathematical proposition.
02:10:31.000 And that you see it in all these different things, like the Nautilus shells, and all these different various fruits and vegetables that have these bizarre shapes to them.
02:10:39.000 And that this is all the Fibonacci sequence.
02:10:41.000 This is all the actual underlying code of life itself.
02:10:46.000 The fact that these items are not random, the fact that these things like sunflower seeds are all governed by this mathematical program, almost shows that there's something going on behind the scenes that we can't quite describe.
02:10:59.000 And in fact, there was a quantum physicist that came up with this theory that life itself, that in the lowest measurable levels of the universe itself, In the theories, these quantum theories that these guys are creating,
02:11:15.000 they're finding self-correcting computer code, a very specific type of computer code that was created in the 1930s by human beings.
02:11:23.000 And people are looking at it as the possibility, by seeing all this stuff, the possibility that reality itself is an artificial creation that we're living in.
02:11:35.000 I've heard that.
02:11:37.000 It seems like it might be possible.
02:11:39.000 It's gonna happen.
02:11:41.000 That this is just a dream or this is a figment of somebody?
02:11:48.000 Simulation.
02:11:49.000 But there is no reality.
02:11:51.000 This is discussed in the concepts.
02:11:54.000 People have tried to figure out what is reality itself.
02:11:58.000 The one thing that freaks me out, this is just basic for me, is looking up into the stars in the sky and going, it goes on forever.
02:12:05.000 Where does it stop?
02:12:07.000 Do you ever stop and think, how many dicks are out there?
02:12:09.000 You know what?
02:12:10.000 I wasn't not...
02:12:12.000 I'm not into that!
02:12:13.000 How long did you last when the guy was sucking you off?
02:12:16.000 Yeah, that's an important point.
02:12:18.000 I don't know.
02:12:19.000 Because if it's anything less than six days...
02:12:22.000 Probably gay.
02:12:23.000 I'm going to have to bump you up at 100%.
02:12:25.000 Go to 89 next.
02:12:26.000 No, 86 is what it is.
02:12:28.000 Well, I don't get this.
02:12:29.000 How long did you last, though?
02:12:30.000 I don't get this 86. How long did you last?
02:12:32.000 You're going to set me up for another percentage point.
02:12:35.000 I don't keep track of that.
02:12:37.000 I don't last long anyway.
02:12:39.000 So you were a bit intoxicated.
02:12:41.000 You were drunk.
02:12:42.000 I was drunk off Diet Coke.
02:12:44.000 You said you had a couple beers.
02:12:46.000 I don't think they serve beers in these topless.
02:12:48.000 You've got to make your fucking story straight, pal.
02:12:51.000 What do you want me to say?
02:12:52.000 I'm drunk?
02:12:52.000 You're saying you were drinking beer.
02:12:53.000 I might have had a beer or two downstairs.
02:12:55.000 How many beers?
02:12:56.000 Two.
02:12:57.000 Two.
02:12:58.000 I wasn't hammered.
02:12:59.000 Is that what you're asking?
02:12:59.000 I wasn't hammered.
02:13:00.000 No, no, no.
02:13:00.000 I'm just wondering whether or not...
02:13:02.000 When I'm drunk, I can't cum.
02:13:04.000 It takes forever.
02:13:04.000 Dick doesn't get hard.
02:13:05.000 It doesn't work.
02:13:06.000 If you got so excited, even though you were drunk, I might have to kick you up to 92% gay.
02:13:13.000 I made a choice, I followed it, and I was pleased with what I did.
02:13:21.000 What were you pleased about?
02:13:22.000 The amount of ejaculate?
02:13:26.000 See, that's what I'm saying.
02:13:28.000 Well, you said you were pleased by the result.
02:13:30.000 When I come a lot, I like to look at it.
02:13:32.000 If I have a big fucking load that comes out of me, I'm impressing myself.
02:13:36.000 Did he look like a squirrel with an acorn after he was done with you?
02:13:38.000 Well, first of all...
02:13:39.000 I get impressed when I see my boogers.
02:13:41.000 If I blow my nose and it's a big fucking wad of snot and tissue, I get excited.
02:13:45.000 It feels good because you're cleaning stuff out.
02:13:47.000 I like when I pick it, too, even though you're not supposed to.
02:13:49.000 Why are you not supposed to pick your nose?
02:13:51.000 Because it's bad for your nose.
02:13:52.000 It turbinates in flame.
02:13:53.000 It can cause sleep apnea.
02:13:55.000 If you just do that?
02:13:56.000 It causes a deviated septum by picking your nose.
02:13:58.000 Oh, great.
02:13:59.000 Nice to eat it.
02:14:00.000 Your nose is very sensitive.
02:14:01.000 You're not supposed to be digging in there.
02:14:02.000 I pull hairs sometimes, and then I get ingrown hairs, and they grow back.
02:14:06.000 Get a nose trimmer, you fuck.
02:14:07.000 That's the way to go?
02:14:08.000 Science.
02:14:09.000 They figured it out.
02:14:09.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson invented it.
02:14:11.000 Who's he?
02:14:12.000 Exactly.
02:14:13.000 How dare you?
02:14:13.000 Did it come out his nose?
02:14:15.000 Yeah.
02:14:16.000 How much time?
02:14:16.000 There's a condom.
02:14:18.000 Thank you.
02:14:18.000 Oh, good move.
02:14:19.000 Otherwise, you could get the super-aids.
02:14:22.000 They probably have that.
02:14:23.000 You know, I just don't want to get wrecking.
02:14:24.000 I don't wreck it.
02:14:26.000 Nice!
02:14:27.000 Well, take the Tarzana hat off and you're all set.
02:14:29.000 I don't want to be ridiculed.
02:14:31.000 Maybe that could be your move.
02:14:31.000 Like, Larry the Cable Guy, if he doesn't have that fucking shirt on, no one's going to know who he is.
02:14:34.000 That's a very clever move on his hat.
02:14:36.000 Wear a baseball hat and wear a shirt.
02:14:38.000 That way, when he's not, when he wants to dress up and go to a restaurant with his wife, he looks like a regular fucking redneck.
02:14:44.000 Slides right in under the door.
02:14:46.000 So go on.
02:14:47.000 How much did you come?
02:14:49.000 It just happened.
02:14:51.000 If it sounds wrong the way I'm asking you, correct me.
02:14:54.000 I'm new to this game.
02:14:57.000 I did it and that was it.
02:15:01.000 I pushed it.
02:15:05.000 Was it good?
02:15:07.000 I wouldn't say it was good.
02:15:08.000 It was like, well, I did it.
02:15:13.000 Is that like eating a Kentucky Fried Chicken or is that like taking a really good shit?
02:15:18.000 I'd more lean towards Kentucky Fried Chicken.
02:15:21.000 Kentucky Fried Chicken's pretty fucking good.
02:15:22.000 It's good stuff.
02:15:23.000 You know, I went gluten-free, but that's one thing I miss, man.
02:15:26.000 I miss Kentucky Fried Chicken.
02:15:27.000 Okay, now, I mean, you've had me say a lot of stuff, Joe.
02:15:30.000 Am I going to get negative tweets based off this?
02:15:33.000 Listen, man, if you do, those people are assholes.
02:15:36.000 You didn't do anything wrong.
02:15:37.000 You didn't hurt anybody.
02:15:38.000 You went to have fun.
02:15:40.000 You went to have fun.
02:15:41.000 You did it with someone who wanted to have fun with you.
02:15:43.000 Who gives a shit?
02:15:44.000 Who gives a shit?
02:15:45.000 Yeah.
02:15:45.000 It's them, man.
02:15:46.000 It's on them.
02:15:47.000 It's on all them, man.
02:15:49.000 Who cares?
02:15:49.000 Can't wait to check the tweets.
02:15:51.000 You can't wait.
02:15:52.000 You're a fucking glutton for punishment.
02:15:54.000 You love it.
02:15:55.000 You're hoping they're mad.
02:15:55.000 No, I don't.
02:15:56.000 You're going to enjoy it.
02:15:57.000 I don't want them to be mad.
02:15:58.000 You're a homophobe.
02:16:00.000 Simple.
02:16:01.000 I usually say anti-Semite.
02:16:02.000 How much do you use the...
02:16:03.000 You should say that if they say gay things.
02:16:05.000 If they say Jew things, call them homophobes.
02:16:07.000 Oh, switch it.
02:16:08.000 Confuse the fuck out of them, dude.
02:16:10.000 I don't want to waste hate.
02:16:12.000 I just want to be...
02:16:12.000 You don't want to waste hate?
02:16:14.000 No, I don't want to...
02:16:14.000 What, are you saving it up?
02:16:15.000 What, are you a hate camel?
02:16:16.000 No, I just...
02:16:18.000 I'm sure I'm going to have to deal with some negative stuff here and there on Twitter or whatever.
02:16:22.000 You would get that no matter what.
02:16:23.000 Alright, well maybe a couple emails, but I'm positive.
02:16:27.000 I feel good.
02:16:27.000 You're awesome.
02:16:28.000 HIV positive?
02:16:29.000 No, Brian.
02:16:30.000 Fuck you, man.
02:16:31.000 Speaking of which, Dallas Buyers Club.
02:16:33.000 I don't want to just bring it up because it has a lot of your people in it, but it's a great fucking movie.
02:16:38.000 You're my people.
02:16:41.000 Texans.
02:16:41.000 Aren't you from Texas?
02:16:42.000 I've been to Texas.
02:16:43.000 What do you mean my people?
02:16:44.000 I know you sell well in Texas.
02:16:48.000 Dallas Buyers Club is Matthew McConaughey.
02:16:50.000 He's not gay.
02:16:51.000 Nobody lost a lot of weight for this girl.
02:16:52.000 He's a fucking bull rider.
02:16:54.000 He's as manly as it gets.
02:16:56.000 And he got HIV through unprotected sex.
02:17:00.000 Shame on him.
02:17:00.000 The first guy in the history of the world, in fact.
02:17:02.000 Are you serious?
02:17:03.000 Yeah, he was the only guy ever.
02:17:05.000 How about that?
02:17:06.000 Sam Kinison had a joke about it.
02:17:07.000 I don't believe it.
02:17:08.000 He goes, they say, Sam!
02:17:09.000 They say AIDS is a heterosexual disease.
02:17:12.000 Straight people die of it, too.
02:17:13.000 He goes, name one!
02:17:14.000 Name one fucking guy!
02:17:16.000 Pull up that.
02:17:18.000 That's a funny bit.
02:17:19.000 That's a classic bit.
02:17:20.000 Sam Kinison.
02:17:20.000 That's a fucking classic.
02:17:22.000 He was the greatest.
02:17:23.000 Sam Kinison on AIDS, on heterosexuals getting AIDS. I'm sure Dice had some crazy bits too back in the day.
02:17:32.000 No, but I'm sure he did.
02:17:34.000 Kinnison Moore?
02:17:35.000 Yeah.
02:17:35.000 Sorry.
02:17:36.000 Kinnison was the groundbreaker.
02:17:37.000 He was the groundbreaker.
02:17:38.000 And I'm a Dice fan, but Kinnison was the groundbreaker.
02:17:41.000 Okay.
02:17:41.000 You know, Kinnison became Kinnison.
02:17:43.000 His book is fascinating.
02:17:44.000 My brother Sam is a book.
02:17:46.000 His brother wrote about being Sam's brother.
02:17:48.000 And it's like, no holds barred, behind the scenes, everything.
02:17:52.000 Would it come out a few years ago?
02:17:53.000 Many years ago.
02:17:54.000 I think I read it in the 90s.
02:17:55.000 I gotta get it.
02:17:56.000 But he got hit by a car.
02:17:58.000 He did?
02:17:59.000 Yeah, he was a young boy.
02:18:01.000 And he got hit by a car and it changed him.
02:18:03.000 When he got hit by a car, all of a sudden, different guy.
02:18:06.000 As soon as he recovers from it, they say that happens, man.
02:18:09.000 I've heard that.
02:18:09.000 I've read about people wake up and they're different and they actually know how to play the piano or something.
02:18:15.000 Yeah, there was one recently about that.
02:18:17.000 This guy, he got a severe concussion and then they saw him playing music.
02:18:24.000 He had all this fucking musical talent that he never had before.
02:18:28.000 And yeah, a teenager credits musical talent to head injury.
02:18:31.000 This is crazy.
02:18:32.000 As a matter of fact, this happened to a friend of mine.
02:18:34.000 Her son was never artistic at all, and he got in a motorcycle accident, and he crashed, and he hurt himself pretty bad.
02:18:40.000 He was pretty fucked up.
02:18:41.000 And he had some serious brain injuries because of it.
02:18:43.000 It means fine when you talk to him.
02:18:44.000 You would never imagine.
02:18:45.000 Talk to him.
02:18:46.000 Seems totally normal.
02:18:47.000 But because of that, he's like super artistic now.
02:18:50.000 And he'd never had that before.
02:18:52.000 I'm not saying you should fucking punt your kid in the head if they can't draw pictures good.
02:18:57.000 But there's something that happens sometimes to people when they get hand injuries.
02:19:01.000 And with Kinnison, his brother said he just became fearless.
02:19:04.000 Oh, wow.
02:19:05.000 Yeah.
02:19:05.000 I gotta read up on that.
02:19:07.000 It's a great book, dude.
02:19:08.000 It's a great book.
02:19:08.000 Could you imagine if he was still performing today?
02:19:11.000 Where would you see Kinnison if he was still performing today?
02:19:13.000 What would he be at?
02:19:17.000 What level do you think?
02:19:19.000 It would depend entirely on whether or not he was clean and sober.
02:19:23.000 Okay.
02:19:24.000 And it wouldn't even have to be clean and sober, but he would have to straighten his act out enough to get his health together.
02:19:29.000 Because what happened with Kinison is, if you go back to Kinison's first CD, which is Louder Than Hell, it wasn't even actually on CD, it was on cassette.
02:19:38.000 And it's really hard to get.
02:19:40.000 Louder Than Hell is, in my opinion, the all-time greatest comedy album ever.
02:19:45.000 Groundbreaking.
02:19:46.000 There had been nobody like Kinison before.
02:19:49.000 But when you go from there to Have You Seen Me Lately, there's a big drop-off.
02:19:54.000 Oh, it's a drop-off.
02:19:55.000 Big drop-off.
02:19:55.000 And then from there to the other ones, wow, it gets worse and worse the further distance you go.
02:20:01.000 Because he couldn't keep it up, man.
02:20:04.000 There's no way you can keep up cocaine every night and fucking vodka and Jack Daniels and...
02:20:09.000 He's 350 pounds.
02:20:11.000 He's five feet tall.
02:20:12.000 He's just unhealthy.
02:20:15.000 Everything's wrong.
02:20:16.000 Addiction in every form.
02:20:19.000 Sexual, cocaine, alcohol, blackouts.
02:20:22.000 He was going hard, man.
02:20:25.000 And he used to talk about it, too.
02:20:26.000 He used to talk about how he would get...
02:20:28.000 He had bits about it.
02:20:29.000 How he'd get to a party, and they'd go, well, it's easy for you guys to do coke.
02:20:33.000 You go to a party, they put a little line out for you.
02:20:35.000 They see me, and they go, oh, oh, it's him!
02:20:38.000 It's him!
02:20:40.000 And he talked about doing this gigantic line of coke and almost having a heart attack.
02:20:44.000 He used to do jokes about the fact that people expected him to be this mad party animal.
02:20:51.000 And the act itself took a backseat to the lifestyle.
02:20:56.000 The act itself took a backseat to the chaos.
02:20:59.000 Like, a lot of comics go, they fluctuate, like you'll like one special better, and then, you know, the next one maybe you won't like at all, and then the next one will be even better.
02:21:09.000 You know, like, there's guys that I really love, but I only love, like, even Prior.
02:21:13.000 There's some of his ones that I don't enjoy as much as other ones.
02:21:17.000 Eddie Murphy, same way.
02:21:19.000 You know?
02:21:20.000 But...
02:21:21.000 You know, they go up and they go down depending on how much attention they're putting to the act, depending on how much other stuff they're doing on the side.
02:21:27.000 What's going on in their life.
02:21:28.000 But in my opinion, Kinison is the best example for young comics of what can happen.
02:21:33.000 How you can go from, in my opinion, being the greatest of all time with Louder Than Hell to being really mediocre towards his later work.
02:21:42.000 Like, just no joke.
02:21:43.000 I mean, are you saying that is like, look at this is what can happen?
02:21:47.000 You don't want that?
02:21:48.000 You definitely don't want that.
02:21:50.000 So who would be somebody, not the opposite of Sam, somebody who kind of...
02:21:55.000 Turned it around a little bit, or...
02:21:57.000 Turned it around, I don't know.
02:21:59.000 Not turned it out, but...
02:22:00.000 Maintained it?
02:22:01.000 Maintained the level and even improved on it?
02:22:03.000 Louis C.K. is a good example of that.
02:22:04.000 Okay, there you go.
02:22:05.000 Dave Attell is a great example of that.
02:22:06.000 Dave Attell.
02:22:06.000 Dave Attell constantly maintains, constantly adds on.
02:22:10.000 Dave Chappelle is another great example.
02:22:11.000 Chappelle.
02:22:11.000 If you see Chappelle, I mean, Chappelle had that, like, incident.
02:22:15.000 Didn't, weren't you on tour?
02:22:16.000 I was there in Hartford.
02:22:17.000 I did the whole Oddball tour with him.
02:22:18.000 What the fuck happened there?
02:22:20.000 I'll tell you what.
02:22:21.000 First of all, that Hartford show was announced late, okay?
02:22:26.000 So everything was set, and they said, well, why don't we do Hartford on a Thursday?
02:22:33.000 Most of the shows are done Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
02:22:35.000 So they said, let's do Hartford on a Thursday.
02:22:38.000 And these are the shows we did.
02:22:40.000 You know, it's Dallas, Houston, Austin, New York, Boston, Detroit.
02:22:48.000 Big cities.
02:22:48.000 Hartford's not really that big of a city.
02:22:51.000 Anyway, Thursday night, the ticket sales were kind of soft, and they released a lot of tickets.
02:22:59.000 So I went on and did my thing on the side stage.
02:23:02.000 It was fun.
02:23:03.000 I didn't notice any, like, bad energy or these guys are punks or white trash or tough or whatever.
02:23:09.000 I had fun.
02:23:10.000 And then I went inside to the amphitheater and...
02:23:14.000 It seemed okay.
02:23:15.000 I mean, you couldn't hear.
02:23:16.000 I mean, it wasn't sold out.
02:23:18.000 There's maybe 10,000 people there or so.
02:23:20.000 But the acoustics weren't all that great, and the acts weren't having all that much fun based, I think, off the acoustics, maybe a little bit of the crowd.
02:23:29.000 And then Dave went on.
02:23:31.000 And actually, I left kind of right after he went on.
02:23:33.000 I shuttled back to the hotel, which was around the corner.
02:23:36.000 And then Jeff Ross came back in.
02:23:39.000 It was just on Twitter that...
02:23:41.000 That Dave Chappelle started reading a book on stage and had a meltdown and was just sitting there and smoking a cigarette and caused...
02:23:52.000 Not chaos, but they were booing him or walking out.
02:23:55.000 And that was it.
02:23:56.000 And that just started the buzz.
02:23:58.000 He had a meltdown.
02:23:59.000 And I saw him that night in the elevator.
02:24:00.000 And I'm not really friendly with him.
02:24:02.000 He knows my face.
02:24:03.000 And he was just basically still fuming at the audience knowing they...
02:24:10.000 They almost don't know comedy.
02:24:11.000 He was upset with the audience at that point.
02:24:14.000 But you didn't feel like it was a bad audience.
02:24:16.000 When you were on stage, it wasn't a bad audience.
02:24:18.000 My experience, my little stage that I would do for every city, it was par for the course up to that.
02:24:26.000 I mean, that was our fourth show.
02:24:28.000 So you think they were saving their douchiness for him, maybe?
02:24:32.000 I mean, I don't know if they were saving it.
02:24:35.000 I just think that maybe because...
02:24:40.000 Yeah, maybe it attracted that kind of crowd that's going to yell out stuff and like, bring up Chappelle, forget about Flight of the Conchords, we're drunk, it's Thursday night, it's Hartford.
02:24:51.000 Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.
02:24:52.000 Flight of the Conchords went on before Chappelle?
02:24:54.000 Yeah, they always would.
02:24:56.000 How long does that go on for?
02:24:57.000 Here's the deal.
02:24:59.000 They did very well.
02:25:01.000 They were solid.
02:25:02.000 They would do about 55 minutes.
02:25:04.000 They have a very big following.
02:25:07.000 So they have a very big following.
02:25:09.000 Yes.
02:25:10.000 They're awesome.
02:25:10.000 I love them.
02:25:10.000 They have a very big following.
02:25:13.000 And to me, they were...
02:25:15.000 Why did you have to chime in that they're awesome?
02:25:17.000 Because I love them.
02:25:18.000 They're great.
02:25:19.000 I love their show, too.
02:25:20.000 It doesn't have anything to do with this.
02:25:21.000 Okay.
02:25:22.000 But every night they came on and they did their hour and they were solid.
02:25:27.000 They kept the couples happy.
02:25:29.000 They had fans of the show.
02:25:30.000 There's monitors everywhere.
02:25:32.000 Occasionally you would hear someone, hey, where's Chappelle?
02:25:34.000 Once in a while.
02:25:36.000 And then other people just sat there and they know, okay, Chappelle's going to come on an hour.
02:25:39.000 They had a set list.
02:25:40.000 And then Chappelle would come on and do his thing.
02:25:43.000 So I thought it was a nice, it was a good bit of doing the lineup, having Chappelle close it.
02:25:51.000 Yeah, it's weird, though, to go on after a musical act.
02:25:54.000 You know that as a comedian.
02:25:55.000 When a musical act goes up and then you go on afterwards, it's a weird energy thing.
02:25:59.000 Well, I mean, they would end, and then the DJ starts up.
02:26:05.000 Then you get the hip-hop going.
02:26:06.000 It changes the whole vibe.
02:26:08.000 It's about a 15-minute switchover.
02:26:11.000 15 minutes?
02:26:12.000 Yeah.
02:26:12.000 It's not like, goodnight, Flight of Concords, boom, Dave Chappelle.
02:26:16.000 It's like, okay.
02:26:16.000 It's like a live music show.
02:26:17.000 They're done.
02:26:18.000 They take the stage off, and then the hip-hop guy starts going.
02:26:23.000 People are dancing, feeling excited.
02:26:25.000 Chappelle's going to come out.
02:26:27.000 And then maybe after eight or nine minutes, the curtain drops, and people get more excited.
02:26:32.000 So you didn't exactly see the actual set he had.
02:26:36.000 That particular night at Hartford, that moment, no.
02:26:41.000 I saw, you know, I saw...
02:26:43.000 I either would watch Chappelle take the stage from the side of the stage, or I would watch him from the audience take the stage and probably...
02:26:53.000 You know, 13 out of 16 times I saw that.
02:26:55.000 Well, he's...
02:26:56.000 Anyway, he's a great example of a guy who hasn't gotten worse, got better.
02:27:01.000 Probably Bill Burr, another example.
02:27:03.000 Bill Burr's on the rise.
02:27:04.000 Joey Diaz.
02:27:05.000 Joey.
02:27:05.000 Joey got better.
02:27:06.000 He's in that new movie.
02:27:07.000 I saw him.
02:27:08.000 He's in one of the commercials for that De Niro-Stalone thing.
02:27:12.000 Yeah.
02:27:13.000 Should be interesting.
02:27:14.000 So there are guys that are getting better, I guess.
02:27:16.000 You know, Kenison, for whatever reason.
02:27:18.000 Maybe the drugs got to him, the fame.
02:27:19.000 I know he would do that main room and...
02:27:21.000 It's all the above, man.
02:27:23.000 All the above can get to you, for sure.
02:27:24.000 Anything can get to you.
02:27:26.000 Anything that takes your focus away from the actual art itself.
02:27:31.000 I found that before when I'm too busy with my life that my comedy suffered.
02:27:35.000 Too busy with other stuff outside of comedy, my stand-up suffers.
02:27:39.000 Yeah.
02:27:39.000 And that's the worst feeling.
02:27:41.000 I don't mind if other things I do don't work that well, but what I really mind is when stand-up doesn't work that well.
02:27:46.000 That really drives me fucking crazy.
02:27:48.000 It is different just being off stage for three to four days.
02:27:51.000 You go back up there and it's like, whoa, this is kind of wobbly.
02:27:53.000 I'm a little different.
02:27:54.000 I mean, that's how I feel, you know, just maybe at the comedy store, for example, or, you know, one of these shows around town.
02:28:01.000 Yeah, and when you take like a couple of months off.
02:28:03.000 Oh, I've never done that.
02:28:05.000 I've never done that.
02:28:06.000 Isn't it weird how comedy is one of those things?
02:28:08.000 It's almost like running.
02:28:09.000 Like you have to get in comedy shape.
02:28:12.000 Comedy shape and stay there.
02:28:13.000 Stay there.
02:28:14.000 Don't fuck around.
02:28:15.000 If you get out of comedy shape, it's scary.
02:28:18.000 It's hard to get back in.
02:28:19.000 I've had that feeling and it's not fun.
02:28:22.000 Not fun.
02:28:23.000 But I've heard you mention a lot how podcasting is cross-training.
02:28:28.000 I believe it is.
02:28:29.000 I believe podcasting is cross-training and oddly enough I think that podcasting and stand-up Also, help my MMA commentary.
02:28:40.000 Oh, really?
02:28:41.000 Yeah.
02:28:42.000 Yeah.
02:28:43.000 MMA commentary, for me, is like, you know, you and I have had many conversations about sports, because I don't know shit about sports.
02:28:50.000 It's always a goof when you try to explain to me something that's happening.
02:28:54.000 But...
02:28:55.000 MMA is the only sport that I really, really, really pay attention to.
02:28:58.000 I watch every fucking thing I can.
02:29:01.000 I watch all the AXS TV fights from small organizations.
02:29:05.000 I watch probably 15 hours of MMA a week.
02:29:11.000 You watch it as homework or just you love it?
02:29:14.000 I just like it.
02:29:15.000 I always like it.
02:29:16.000 I watch in the background while I'm writing sometimes.
02:29:18.000 I like watching fights.
02:29:20.000 I've always liked watching fights and not just like, not necessarily even for brutality.
02:29:24.000 I watch like jujitsu matches where no one gets hurt.
02:29:27.000 You know, guys just tap.
02:29:28.000 I like watching technique.
02:29:30.000 I like watching guys who know what they're doing.
02:29:33.000 I like watching people overcome specific challenges.
02:29:36.000 Like an MMA, in my opinion, is probably the most difficult physical challenge a person can attempt to try to be an MMA champion.
02:29:46.000 So when I see, you know, if I watch, or Muay Thai is another thing I watch a lot of.
02:29:51.000 I watch a lot of kickboxing.
02:29:52.000 A lot of kickboxing, man.
02:29:54.000 Whenever it's on TV, I watch the Glory promotions.
02:29:57.000 Glory is this new organization that's on Spike TV. Fucking incredible, man.
02:30:02.000 The highest level kickboxers in the world.
02:30:04.000 And they're all fighting on Spike TV. And they've got this big organization called Glory.
02:30:08.000 So it's developing all this new talent.
02:30:10.000 And it's also getting people really excited about kickboxing.
02:30:13.000 Sort of the same way they got excited about MMA. And I think that...
02:30:17.000 Whether it's that or whether it's wrestling or jujitsu or kickboxing, what I get out of that is when you're watching the best guys in the world do something, whatever the fuck it is, especially when it's something as dangerous as combat sports, you get a charge out of watching people perform and compete.
02:30:36.000 I find that it's very motivational.
02:30:38.000 It's very inspirational.
02:30:40.000 It's very motivational.
02:30:41.000 It gives me energy.
02:30:42.000 And you're right there ringside.
02:30:45.000 You feel it.
02:30:46.000 And then you're obviously in the octagon after you're feeling that.
02:30:50.000 Yeah, you feel it, man.
02:30:52.000 You feel it.
02:30:52.000 You hear the slap of the impact of shins on heads and thighs and fucking fists to belly.
02:31:00.000 You feel all of it.
02:31:01.000 You feel the body slams.
02:31:02.000 You feel it on the table.
02:31:04.000 My hand's on the table.
02:31:06.000 And when guys get slammed, boom, on the mat.
02:31:09.000 I literally could feel it in my hands often.
02:31:11.000 Yeah.
02:31:12.000 And that helps you have a better empathy for these guys.
02:31:19.000 Yeah, well, I think I've always had empathy and sympathy or tried to relate.
02:31:23.000 You know, I've never fought mixed martial arts before, but I had a lot of Taekwondo matches, and I had a lot of kickboxing, or had a few kickboxing matches, but a lot of time kickboxing, a lot of time sparring, a lot of years invested in martial arts and in martial arts competition.
02:31:37.000 So I kind of have a sense, without doing it, of what it means to these guys.
02:31:42.000 So it means a lot to me.
02:31:44.000 But there's a lot of issues with MMA as it stands today.
02:31:52.000 Judging, and there's a lot of issues with the way fights are scored, the actual scoring system itself, and refereeing.
02:32:00.000 Is it something that's fixable, or is this typical growth of the sport?
02:32:05.000 No, it's definitely stuff that's fixable.
02:32:07.000 The UFC's done its best.
02:32:09.000 I think they need to update the gloves, too.
02:32:10.000 I think there's a real problem with guys getting poked in the eyes.
02:32:14.000 There's a lot of that.
02:32:15.000 I really don't like that at all.
02:32:16.000 It drives me crazy.
02:32:17.000 It happens too often.
02:32:19.000 It seems to me like, you know, there's that old expression, doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result.
02:32:24.000 Insanity.
02:32:25.000 The definition of insanity.
02:32:26.000 And that's what we're doing with MMA. We're doing the same things over and over again.
02:32:29.000 We have these open finger gloves, and guys keep getting poked in the eyes.
02:32:33.000 And we're having a lot of detached retinas.
02:32:35.000 Oh.
02:32:35.000 A lot of guys are having eye surgery.
02:32:38.000 Michael Bisping had eye surgery.
02:32:43.000 Alan Belcher had eye surgery.
02:32:45.000 Quite a few guys have had issues with their eyes.
02:32:48.000 So that's a fixable problem.
02:32:51.000 Mittens.
02:32:51.000 Yeah, you're right.
02:32:53.000 Fixable issue.
02:32:54.000 Mittens are dead right.
02:32:55.000 My idea was to come up with something that pads the knuckles, but there's a smooth cover over the tip of the fingers.
02:33:04.000 A smooth cover.
02:33:05.000 Because in grappling, you don't really grab like this.
02:33:09.000 Most of what you do, you grab like this.
02:33:11.000 You hook like this.
02:33:12.000 Gene LaBelle was actually showing me yesterday the way that he does it, which is different.
02:33:16.000 He likes to squeeze down on all the fingers.
02:33:19.000 He likes to get his thumb in here and squeeze down like that because he feels like it's harder to break.
02:33:23.000 And he might be right there.
02:33:25.000 Ouch.
02:33:25.000 But in any case...
02:33:27.000 You're okay doing this, like palm to palm.
02:33:31.000 There's a deviation in the way you have to grapple anyway between straight grappling with no gloves on and MMA because of the size of the gloves itself.
02:33:40.000 MMA, they do use gloves.
02:33:42.000 Yes, yes, you do use gloves.
02:33:43.000 Is there bear gloves anywhere?
02:33:45.000 Not in America, but I'm sure they're still doing it in other parts of the world.
02:33:50.000 I mean, I'm sure.
02:33:50.000 In Brazil, that was how it all started out.
02:33:53.000 They called it Vale Tudo, which means anything goes.
02:33:57.000 And with the early UFCs, it was bare knuckle.
02:34:00.000 In fact, Tank Abbott was the first guy to voluntarily wear gloves.
02:34:04.000 He decided to wear these Chuck Norris gloves he used to buy from Century.
02:34:08.000 He decided to wear those.
02:34:09.000 Into the octagon.
02:34:11.000 I'm pretty sure he was the first guy in the UFC to wear gloves.
02:34:15.000 And then Vitor started wearing those gloves.
02:34:16.000 A lot of guys started wearing those gloves.
02:34:18.000 And then it became mandatory.
02:34:19.000 But when Vitor fought in the UFC when he was 19 years old in Dothan, Alabama, UFC 12, he wore those gloves and no one else had ever seen those fucking gloves before.
02:34:31.000 Besides Tank Abbott.
02:34:33.000 I think it was Tank Abbott was the only one who had worn them.
02:34:37.000 So Vitor wearing him to a bare knuckle fight.
02:34:40.000 Like, I know a lot of the guys that were in that tournament with him, they were fighting bare knuckle.
02:34:44.000 And Vitor came out, and because of the padding on the gloves, you could really tee off on guys.
02:34:49.000 You don't have to worry about protecting your knuckles.
02:34:51.000 Yeah, you're not going to hurt your knuckles.
02:34:53.000 So that's been, you know, that was the first thing that they did, you know, the adding of the gloves, which I think was a good step.
02:35:00.000 But I think the next step is really figuring out how to cover the fingertips.
02:35:04.000 Too many guys are getting poked.
02:35:07.000 Speaking of the poking, can I use the restroom real quick again?
02:35:11.000 I'm sorry!
02:35:12.000 Use the restroom and we're going to wrap this up.
02:35:13.000 Okay, I'll be right back.
02:35:14.000 Your show is Brody.
02:35:16.000 Enjoy it.
02:35:16.000 When is it on?
02:35:17.000 Brody Stevens.
02:35:18.000 Enjoy it.
02:35:19.000 Every Sunday, 9 o'clock at night.
02:35:22.000 Who's your lead-in?
02:35:23.000 What's on right before you?
02:35:24.000 It's 12 o'clock.
02:35:25.000 Is it Bintosh?
02:35:26.000 I thought it was 12 o'clock.
02:35:27.000 Midnight, right?
02:35:28.000 What did I say?
02:35:29.000 You said 9 o'clock.
02:35:29.000 Oh, I get confused.
02:35:31.000 Well, 9 o'clock...
02:35:31.000 Midnight for the next...
02:35:36.000 Six weeks.
02:35:37.000 So two a night, six weeks to go.
02:35:40.000 Beautiful.
02:35:41.000 Twelve episodes, two a night for six weeks.
02:35:43.000 Well, let's watch the shit out of that show and make Brody a goddamn star.
02:35:47.000 I'm going to come back, though, and then we'll talk.
02:35:49.000 Let me go urinate and then we wrap.
02:35:50.000 We'll play your preview.
02:35:52.000 Here we go.
02:35:54.000 It never seems like he's doing material at all.
02:35:56.000 He's just yelling.
02:35:57.000 Blue, color, Jewish, I just get it!
02:36:01.000 It never was about the jokes.
02:36:02.000 It was about the in-between of the jokes.
02:36:04.000 Why did you not laugh?
02:36:08.000 He really was so different from everybody else doing comedy that we saw.
02:36:12.000 He used to be strange and it was always just funny.
02:36:14.000 Then it just became strange.
02:36:16.000 From the network that doesn't do drama.
02:36:19.000 I think I asked him, are you on your medication?
02:36:21.000 And he said no.
02:36:22.000 Daniel, will you kick up for me and tell him I'm not crazy?
02:36:24.000 Comes a brand new drama.
02:36:26.000 Were you in a mental hospital?
02:36:27.000 I wanted to.
02:36:30.000 Yes.
02:36:30.000 It's about family.
02:36:31.000 You'll be doing alright if you get some jokes.
02:36:34.000 This is part of the process, having your mom tell you that you're not funny.
02:36:39.000 Friendship.
02:36:40.000 Hello?
02:36:41.000 Hey Zach, it's Brody.
02:36:42.000 Hey Brody, sorry, I have a telemarketer on the other line.
02:36:45.000 And being funny.
02:36:46.000 I think he said it's funniest when he's lost complete control.
02:36:49.000 Brody offstage and onstage, not much of a difference.
02:36:52.000 You're gonna hang out with Brody, you just have to enjoy it.
02:36:55.000 I mean, pardon the pun.
02:36:56.000 If I watch this thing, I'm thinking this Brody guy is weird.
02:37:01.000 Yeah!
02:37:09.000 I like how they call it a drama.
02:37:10.000 Why are they doing that?
02:37:11.000 Because it is very documentary style of Brody.
02:37:16.000 They just follow him around pretty much and hang out and edit it together.
02:37:19.000 Yeah, but it's funny.
02:37:20.000 So how's it a drama?
02:37:21.000 Yeah, it's because there's a lot of drama in it, I guess.
02:37:24.000 You know what they're doing?
02:37:25.000 They're just avoiding calling it a reality show.
02:37:27.000 Yeah, true.
02:37:28.000 That's what they're doing.
02:37:28.000 They're calling it our first drama, which is probably smart, that avoids the stink of reality shows.
02:37:34.000 Stink?
02:37:34.000 Yeah, the word reality show because of the Kardashians and all these fucking pawn shows and all this nonsense where you know they're bullshitting you.
02:37:42.000 You know it's set-up scenarios.
02:37:44.000 When you see a set-up scenario after a set-up, you don't have any of that.
02:37:49.000 Yeah.
02:37:49.000 Well, that's what we can call the drama.
02:37:51.000 I think it shouldn't be a drama.
02:37:52.000 I think it should be the actual reality.
02:37:54.000 Comedy Central's first drama.
02:37:56.000 It's a joke.
02:37:58.000 Oh, it's a joke.
02:37:59.000 That's a joke.
02:38:00.000 It's a wink-wink.
02:38:01.000 I mean, there is drama, but there's also comedy.
02:38:04.000 You want to know what's comedy?
02:38:05.000 January 24th, I'll be at the Chicago Theater.
02:38:09.000 Tickets go on sale tomorrow morning, early.
02:38:11.000 Presale.
02:38:12.000 Starts early.
02:38:12.000 It'll be on my Twitter.
02:38:14.000 The presale password is finale.
02:38:17.000 That's January 24th.
02:38:19.000 I don't know who's going to be with me.
02:38:20.000 We haven't figured it out yet.
02:38:21.000 But we're going to have a party, bitches.
02:38:22.000 It should be a lot of fun.
02:38:23.000 Chicago in January.
02:38:24.000 How do you go wrong?
02:38:26.000 And we'll be back tomorrow with that dude who worked for Marineland.
02:38:31.000 It should be Phil.
02:38:31.000 Phil Demers.
02:38:33.000 Should be pretty fucking fascinating, man.
02:38:36.000 This is going to be really bizarre.
02:38:39.000 He's going to talk about all the shit that he went through at Marineland and training a walrus, and apparently he's going to tell us some disturbing shit.
02:38:47.000 What do you got going on?
02:38:48.000 Just me and Brody and Sam Tripoli.
02:38:50.000 Brody said he's not going.
02:38:51.000 No, I'm going to check with my sister.
02:38:55.000 I'll know for sure tonight.
02:38:56.000 She's...
02:38:57.000 She's sending me these files and excels and downloads.
02:39:01.000 Enjoy it!
02:39:03.000 Enjoy it.
02:39:04.000 You got it.
02:39:05.000 Helping Mom out.
02:39:06.000 Crest Theater, December 13th with Tony Hinchcliffe and at the Mirage in Vegas on December 27th with Brian Callen and Joey Diaz.
02:39:16.000 Whoa!
02:39:17.000 Off the chain, bitches.
02:39:19.000 That show that I was talking about is December 11th, by the way, at the San Jose Improv.
02:39:23.000 Okay, that's a different show.
02:39:24.000 Brody Stevens, Brian Redband, Sam Tripoli, San Jose Improv, an awesome venue, one of the best clubs in the country.
02:39:31.000 98% confirmed.
02:39:32.000 18% gay, that club.
02:39:34.000 It's interesting.
02:39:36.000 The club is 50% less gay than you.
02:39:39.000 Whatever.
02:39:40.000 Oh, come on, Joe.
02:39:41.000 The Crest Theater in Sacramento, that's December 13th, and again, the Mirage, December 27th.
02:39:47.000 I'll be at the Aquafresh Theater.
02:39:49.000 Getting your shit together, Brody.
02:39:51.000 We love the fuck out of you, buddy.
02:39:53.000 And don't let anybody give you a hard time online.
02:39:55.000 They can all go fuck themselves, man.
02:39:56.000 All of them.
02:39:57.000 You got it.
02:39:58.000 You've been a friend, Joe.
02:39:59.000 I felt...
02:39:59.000 You know I love you, Brody Stevens.
02:40:02.000 Great being here.
02:40:03.000 Thank you, Red Band.
02:40:05.000 Thank you, everybody.
02:40:06.000 Thank you, Ting.
02:40:07.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and get your freak on rogan.ting.com.
02:40:14.000 Save yourself some money, bitches.
02:40:17.000 Ha!
02:40:18.000 Thanks also.
02:40:20.000 Was today Carbonite?
02:40:21.000 Yeah.
02:40:22.000 God damn it.
02:40:23.000 I gotta figure out a way to better organize my shitty laptop.
02:40:27.000 How about that?
02:40:29.000 Carbonite.com.
02:40:30.000 Use the code word J-R-E and get your free trial plus two free bonus months with your subscription.
02:40:37.000 That's Carbonite.com.
02:40:38.000 And the offer code is J-R-E. And, of course, thanks to Onnit.com.
02:40:43.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name Rogue and save 10% off any and all supplements.
02:40:48.000 All right, we'll be back tomorrow.
02:40:50.000 A lot of shit going on, folks.
02:40:52.000 Lots to come.
02:40:53.000 Lots of cool people next week as well.
02:40:55.000 And in the future, we got Cliffy B coming.
02:40:58.000 We got Stefan Molyneux.
02:41:00.000 We got a lot of very interesting guests, ladies and gentlemen.
02:41:04.000 And we're looking forward to talking.
02:41:06.000 And you, you know, whatever.
02:41:08.000 Listening, I guess?
02:41:09.000 Keep your clothes on.
02:41:10.000 Keep your shit together.
02:41:11.000 We'll see you soon.
02:41:13.000 Enjoy it.
02:41:14.000 Enjoy it.
02:41:15.000 Simple.