The Joe Rogan Experience - January 07, 2014


Joe Rogan Experience #437 - Scott Sigler


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 53 minutes

Words per Minute

203.76859

Word Count

35,398

Sentence Count

3,361

Misogynist Sentences

101


Summary

In this episode, we talk about the dangers of an asteroid attack, and the new contest from Squarespace, where you can win a free year of freebies if you build a website using the code JOE and the Number 1. Plus, we discuss why the hashtag is a and why you should stop using it. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The theme song is called "Goodbye Outer Space" by Suneaters, courtesy of Lotuspool Records. Our ad music is by Build Buildings. This episode was produced and edited by Riley Bray. It was mixed by Mark Phillips and Alex Blumberg. We were edited by Annie-Rose Strasser and Matthew Boll. Special thanks to Sarah Abdurrahman and Rachel Ward. Additional engineering by Rachel Ward and Ben Koppel. Thanks to Caitlin Durante. Please rate, review, and subscribe to our new podcast "The Best Podcast in the Universe" on Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your favorite streaming platform, and if you leave us a review, we'll send you a five star review! Thank you so much for listening to the podcast, and we'll be looking out for your reviews and thoughts in the next episode of the podcast in next week's mailbag! Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe and subscribe on iTunes, and share the podcast with your fellow podcaster friends! and subscribe in your podcast listening to our podcast, wherever else you get the best listening to your favorite podcatcher. . Thanks for listening and sharing your thoughts on social media links, and shout out to your friends on the pod? Cheers, Joe, Joe and the number 1 Podcatcher! - Joe, and Joe, you're the best podcaster in the podcaster! Joe, the Podcaster, and more. - The Podcaster. Joe & the Podcasters, , and much more! of course, of course... of the Podcatter, , of course we'll get a swag bag with the most beautiful podcaster out there, too, of the pod, too of the best in the world, and all that good vibes, and so on and so much more, so much so that you can have it all of it all that you could ask for it!


Transcript

00:00:03.000 Hello, sweet bitches out there in cyberspace.
00:00:07.000 Or wherever you are.
00:00:08.000 Maybe you're on a treadmill right now.
00:00:10.000 Maybe you're in your car.
00:00:11.000 Maybe you're driving.
00:00:12.000 Maybe you're bored as fuck at work.
00:00:13.000 Wherever you are, we're here for you, bitches.
00:00:17.000 Well, that's the delay.
00:00:19.000 That's my laptop.
00:00:20.000 That's the difference between what I say and when it reaches you.
00:00:22.000 So think about that while this is going on.
00:00:24.000 What you're hearing is a fucking time warp.
00:00:27.000 It's seconds behind the actual reality of my words.
00:00:30.000 What if we go like, oh no, asteroid!
00:00:32.000 Ah!
00:00:33.000 That would suck!
00:00:35.000 If we got hit, and then the power went off, and then the Ustream gets it five seconds later.
00:00:40.000 Well, if an asteroid hit like Arizona, it would take a while before we knew.
00:00:44.000 Well, not really.
00:00:44.000 That's too close.
00:00:45.000 But if it hit like Sweden, we probably wouldn't know for like a second or two.
00:00:50.000 We probably would hear about it like a week in advance, though.
00:00:53.000 If one of those dinosaur killers is on the way, they'd be fucking looting and rioting.
00:00:58.000 And there would be no more Squarespace.com.
00:01:01.000 Like our segue?
00:01:01.000 It's like a professional.
00:01:03.000 I should be on the radio.
00:01:04.000 Squarespace, by the way, they made a mistake in their copy.
00:01:08.000 And I was wondering why, because Squarespace has a new contest out.
00:01:12.000 And the contest is you go to squarespace.com forward slash Joe.
00:01:17.000 Joe?
00:01:18.000 What's my name?
00:01:19.000 Joe.
00:01:20.000 The contest is, I'll say it again, squarespace.com forward slash Joe.
00:01:23.000 Sign up, get 10% off your first purchase, then build a website.
00:01:28.000 Super easy to use Squarespace.
00:01:29.000 Brian has made literally dozens of websites while we've been doing these commercials, and they're excellent.
00:01:35.000 There was a time where it was sucky, man.
00:01:38.000 It was hard.
00:01:39.000 I had Andrew created some of my original, aka Menthol from the Quake days, created some of my earlier websites, and Brian created one of them.
00:01:51.000 It's not fucking easy, but now it is.
00:01:53.000 Now it's really easy.
00:01:55.000 You could make your own badass website just with regular understanding of how to use a computer.
00:02:03.000 Drag and drop and shit like that.
00:02:05.000 Super easy to do, and it comes out amazing.
00:02:08.000 So amazing that...
00:02:09.000 Squarespace wants to have a contest.
00:02:12.000 If you can go there, go to squarespace.com forward slash Joe, sign up, get your 10% off your first purchase, build a website.
00:02:19.000 Then, once you got your site done, tweet it to JRE Squarespace.
00:02:24.000 Hashtag JRE Squarespace.
00:02:27.000 Hashtag is like the tic-tac-toe thing.
00:02:29.000 If you're like, what the fuck is a hashtag?
00:02:31.000 And you don't have anybody that can tell you.
00:02:33.000 If you're the smartest one you know and you're an idiot...
00:02:35.000 It's very possible you could live in, like, somewhere bad.
00:02:39.000 Hashtag this tic-tac-toe JRE Squarespace.
00:02:42.000 Do it before January 17th, and we'll pick four winners who have designed the most beautiful websites.
00:02:48.000 Squarespace will give these...
00:02:49.000 We'll do a whole little thing about it.
00:02:51.000 We'll examine your websites.
00:02:52.000 We'll even give you some props.
00:02:54.000 Maybe if it's a website for your business.
00:02:55.000 We'll start a fucking explosion that will lead to a financial windfall.
00:03:00.000 It'd be better if I said that without slurring.
00:03:03.000 Anyway, these people who win, these four, will get a free year of Squarespace, and we will send those winners a swag bag with items like a Squarespace Apple keyboard, a t-shirt, a moleskin, and more.
00:03:17.000 So visit squarespace.com right now and use the code JOE and the number 1. That's JOE and the number 1. Do that, and then tweet your website too.
00:03:28.000 Hashtag JRE Squarespace.
00:03:30.000 Poor pound signs.
00:03:31.000 They get no love anymore.
00:03:33.000 It's a hashtag now.
00:03:34.000 It's changed, like, out of nowhere.
00:03:36.000 How come?
00:03:37.000 They have matured and moved on.
00:03:38.000 Why did they allow that?
00:03:40.000 It's the prince.
00:03:41.000 It's probably someone who, like, had, like, hashtag, like, they own the name hashtag.
00:03:45.000 And they fucking hated the pound sign.
00:03:47.000 Like, that pound guy's a dick.
00:03:49.000 The guy owns pound.
00:03:50.000 Fuck pound.
00:03:51.000 It's not pound.
00:03:52.000 It's fucking hashtag now.
00:03:53.000 And it worked.
00:03:54.000 We're going to repurpose his whole need for existence.
00:03:56.000 They figured out how to do it, though.
00:03:58.000 That's what's amazing.
00:03:59.000 Like, they pulled it off.
00:04:00.000 They actually pulled off the hashtag coup.
00:04:03.000 And now you'll get people in the next few years who are kids now going, why is there a hashtag on the phone?
00:04:07.000 What do you use this for?
00:04:08.000 Yeah, once it's there, once it's named, it's named.
00:04:11.000 How the fuck did they change it?
00:04:13.000 That's amazing.
00:04:14.000 It's going to confuse so many kids.
00:04:15.000 It's going to confuse the shit out of them.
00:04:17.000 They did a really good job.
00:04:19.000 If you really looked at it from a conqueror standpoint, hashtag dominate the pound sign.
00:04:23.000 We're not going to have a dial pad in the future.
00:04:25.000 I'm surprised we still do.
00:04:27.000 Yeah, most likely.
00:04:29.000 Anyway, Stamps.com is our other podcast sponsor.
00:04:33.000 Stamps.com is where Christina Pazitsky and Tom Segura from Your Mom's House, they send their stuff out using Stamps.com.
00:04:41.000 Bert Kreischer, if you bought those Machine t-shirts, he sends those out through Stamps.com.
00:04:46.000 If you bought any of those Death Squad t-shirts from Brian Redband...
00:04:49.000 He sends them out through Stamps.com.
00:04:52.000 We have massive experience with Stamps.com.
00:04:54.000 We love them.
00:04:55.000 We trust them.
00:04:56.000 We recommend them wholeheartedly.
00:04:58.000 It is a way easier solution if you send things.
00:05:02.000 Especially if you have a small business.
00:05:03.000 If you're making your own macrame or some shit.
00:05:06.000 You're doing something weird.
00:05:06.000 And you want to send it out to people.
00:05:08.000 You used to have to go to the post office, wait in line.
00:05:12.000 They weigh the different packages.
00:05:14.000 It takes a long fucking time.
00:05:16.000 You don't have to do it anymore.
00:05:16.000 You can do it from the comfort of your own home.
00:05:19.000 And if you use the code word JRE, they will give you a free digital scale that will get you started off.
00:05:25.000 It's super easy to do.
00:05:27.000 You weigh your packages on the digital scale.
00:05:29.000 Then you print off real U.S. postage from your home computer.
00:05:35.000 Slap that bitch on.
00:05:37.000 Boom!
00:05:37.000 The postman comes.
00:05:39.000 You give it to him.
00:05:40.000 And you're off.
00:05:41.000 That's it.
00:05:41.000 You cut out that whole...
00:05:43.000 Disgusting process of waiting in that horrifying line and just rotting your life away.
00:05:49.000 Don't do that part.
00:05:50.000 Don't do that part.
00:05:51.000 Go to 2stamps.com, type in the code JRE, get this special offer, no risk trial, $110 bonus offer, which includes a digital scale and up to $55 of free postage.
00:06:05.000 That's it.
00:06:05.000 So go to Stamps.com before you do anything else.
00:06:07.000 Click on the old schoolie microphone in the top of the homepage and type J-R-E. That's Stamps.com and J-R-E, bitches.
00:06:16.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.
00:06:18.000 If you haven't been on it for a while, we're constantly adding new things.
00:06:23.000 We're constantly finding new supplements, new strength and conditioning equipment, just new stuff that we find that we feel is beneficial.
00:06:31.000 One of the big ones is we've started a whole series of artistic kettlebells.
00:06:36.000 I know a guy like Scott Sigler, who is a horror author, can appreciate the fantasy behind the zombie kettlebells, Or the Primal Bells.
00:06:45.000 The idea behind them is you will work out harder if you really were fighting against a fucking zombie invasion.
00:06:51.000 If you're preparing for the zombie invasion and you have to keep your family alive, you will have that extra rep in you.
00:06:56.000 You will have that one extra set where you don't want to do it anymore.
00:07:00.000 And if you swing around these fully functional...
00:07:03.000 Zombie bell kettlebells that can give you that feeling.
00:07:06.000 They can give you that fear that you need to complete your workout.
00:07:10.000 My favorites are the primal bells because I'm a big fan of the monkey community.
00:07:14.000 Big fan of the apes.
00:07:16.000 Mad shout out to all the primates.
00:07:19.000 I just love the fact that they're artistic and they're actually fully functional.
00:07:24.000 We had them, besides being designed and drawn and created by this guy Stephen Shubin Jr., we also had them 3D printed.
00:07:33.000 3D balanced, rather.
00:07:35.000 We had them...
00:07:36.000 To make sure that when you're swinging this kettlebell, it'll have the same functional use as a real kettlebell that just looks like a smooth cannonball.
00:07:46.000 So it's not just a design.
00:07:47.000 They work just as well as a real kettlebell.
00:07:51.000 And they will fucking last for the rest of your life.
00:07:54.000 I mean, look at the giant metal sculptures that are heavy as fuck.
00:07:58.000 And you get to see a look on the postman's face when he delivers that shit.
00:08:02.000 Like, what the fuck, son?!
00:08:04.000 What are you doing here?
00:08:06.000 You don't even need a big one to get a good workout in.
00:08:08.000 I do one of my workouts, the entire workout, with one 35-pound kettlebell.
00:08:12.000 We sell that DVD. That's the Keith Weber Kettlebell Cardio Extreme Workout.
00:08:17.000 It's fucking madness.
00:08:19.000 That dude's a savage.
00:08:20.000 He does it with a 45-pounder, that fucking animal.
00:08:24.000 We saw all sorts of different things that we feel help with athletic performance and what you would call functional strength.
00:08:32.000 That's the trend these days when you see all this CrossFit type stuff and all this people that are training.
00:08:37.000 You see mixed martial arts training with club bells and battle ropes and shit like that.
00:08:41.000 The idea behind all of that is that In the olden days when they used to do preacher curls and things along those lines, there were things that were good and there were things that were bad, but there was a lot of people that were imbalanced.
00:08:55.000 If you laugh at the classic meathead, it's the guy who's a meatball with two toothpicks holding it up, the guy who's got a gigantic upper body and a small lower body.
00:09:04.000 He's not balanced.
00:09:05.000 That's not an athletic body.
00:09:07.000 That's not a body that'll work for you.
00:09:09.000 You're being a silly bitch and your tits are huge.
00:09:11.000 You don't need that in your life, okay?
00:09:13.000 You want functional strength.
00:09:15.000 Stop getting so crazy.
00:09:16.000 We sell all kinds of stuff at Onnit.com, the best shit that we can find in any and all forms, whether it's supplements, whether it's strength and conditioning equipment, whether it's food.
00:09:26.000 We even sell the best blenders for making kale shakes and protein shakes.
00:09:30.000 Onnit.com.
00:09:31.000 O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements.
00:09:36.000 All right.
00:09:36.000 Scott Sigler's here.
00:09:37.000 We're going to get crazy.
00:09:39.000 We're going to talk about some scary shits.
00:09:42.000 And go.
00:09:43.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.
00:09:45.000 Check it out.
00:09:45.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:09:48.000 Train by day.
00:09:49.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.
00:09:50.000 All day.
00:09:52.000 Oh yeah, and before we get started, when are your shows in Texas?
00:09:55.000 You got three this week?
00:09:56.000 Yeah, we got Houston Thursday.
00:09:59.000 Tony Hinchcliffe and Tiffany Haddish.
00:10:02.000 Tiffany's going to be with only our Austin and Dallas show.
00:10:05.000 So it's Houston, it's going to be John Toll.
00:10:07.000 Oh, funny guy.
00:10:08.000 Yeah.
00:10:09.000 Very funny guy.
00:10:09.000 Me and Tony Hinchcliffe, and we're doing a podcast before our show.
00:10:12.000 And then the following day we're going to be in Austin and then Dallas.
00:10:15.000 Are you doing a live podcast?
00:10:16.000 Live podcast, yeah.
00:10:17.000 Which one are you going to do?
00:10:18.000 Are you going to do Kill Tony or are you going to let local comics go up and shit?
00:10:22.000 It's going to be, we have some local girls that work for Playboy and we're just going to make it a mess.
00:10:27.000 Oh, perfect.
00:10:28.000 Bring in alcohol.
00:10:29.000 Don't try to do it sober now.
00:10:30.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:10:31.000 Be careful.
00:10:31.000 You're in Texas.
00:10:32.000 It's in Houston.
00:10:33.000 They don't play games.
00:10:33.000 Yep.
00:10:34.000 They party hard.
00:10:35.000 Texas parties hard.
00:10:36.000 Might do a blackout podcast before the show.
00:10:38.000 I feel like you will whether you want to or not.
00:10:40.000 Why are you pretending like you're planning this out as some piece of art?
00:10:44.000 It's just going to be what it is.
00:10:46.000 Don't be silly, son.
00:10:48.000 So where are these dates?
00:10:50.000 Where are the actual clubs?
00:10:53.000 This Thursday it's going to be in Houston.
00:10:55.000 It's going to be at Fitzgerald's.
00:10:58.000 And then the following day it's going to be in Austin with Tiffany Haddish at the Spider House Ballroom.
00:11:05.000 Saturday it's going to be at the Curtain Club in Dallas, Texas.
00:11:08.000 And deskquad.tv for all the info on all Brian's stuff.
00:11:12.000 And that's where you can also buy those t-shirts.
00:11:14.000 All the kitty cat deskquad t-shirts.
00:11:16.000 I'm in Houston this weekend.
00:11:18.000 No, I'm not in Houston.
00:11:19.000 I'm in Phoenix this weekend.
00:11:20.000 Jesus Christ, you're in Houston?
00:11:22.000 I'm in Phoenix.
00:11:23.000 Where am I? I'm in the Valley.
00:11:26.000 I'm in the Phoenix Stand Up Live, which is a fucking awesome venue.
00:11:32.000 I love that place.
00:11:33.000 And I'm there with the lovely and talented Tom Segura, who's one of the most fucking hilarious dudes on the planet.
00:11:38.000 So I'm really psyched.
00:11:39.000 I love Phoenix.
00:11:41.000 Phoenix is a fun town.
00:11:42.000 They don't take themselves too seriously.
00:11:43.000 They like to party.
00:11:44.000 They like to drink.
00:11:45.000 They're close enough to LA that they're not retarded.
00:11:48.000 They get the vibe.
00:11:50.000 It's a fun place.
00:11:51.000 I'll be there this weekend with Tommy Segura.
00:11:54.000 And then January 24th, I'll be at the Chicago Theater.
00:11:58.000 With the super Jew, Ari Shafir.
00:12:01.000 Slinging dick.
00:12:02.000 He's moving back, right?
00:12:03.000 He's definitely moving back.
00:12:03.000 He's going to be here for the winter.
00:12:05.000 Look, it's minus 10 in New York right now.
00:12:08.000 Coldest ever, right?
00:12:09.000 Yeah.
00:12:10.000 I don't know.
00:12:11.000 Coldest I've ever heard about it.
00:12:12.000 I've never heard about minus 10. Minus 10 is ridiculous, Scott Sigler.
00:12:15.000 It is.
00:12:16.000 That's not necessary, right?
00:12:18.000 I moved away from Michigan specifically because I don't like minus 10. Yeah.
00:12:21.000 Or 20 or 30. Michigan's rough, dude.
00:12:25.000 You lived there your whole life?
00:12:26.000 Yeah, I lived there right up to about early 30s or so.
00:12:30.000 Where'd you escape to after that?
00:12:31.000 Went to San Francisco.
00:12:32.000 Ah, that's a good place to escape.
00:12:33.000 The goal was to, you know, traipse about the country, three months here, six months there, never made it out of San Francisco.
00:12:38.000 It's a big difference between the...
00:12:39.000 There's the general mentality of Michigan versus San Francisco.
00:12:43.000 It's very unusual when you go to two places that are so completely different.
00:12:47.000 You go, oh, look, this can happen, too.
00:12:49.000 A bunch of people can just act like this.
00:12:51.000 Or, you know, you can go to, like, Vancouver or something where everybody's nice and friendly.
00:12:55.000 And you're like, okay, you could just be in this weird town where everybody's nice and friendly.
00:12:59.000 Or you could go to Boston and they want to beat the fuck out of you.
00:13:01.000 Yeah.
00:13:02.000 You know, this could happen, too.
00:13:04.000 Yeah.
00:13:04.000 There really is a cultural signature to every place, and the difference between Michigan and San Francisco was pretty dramatic.
00:13:11.000 What did that feel like when you made that transition, and all of a sudden you're around all these, like...
00:13:16.000 I mean, San Francisco's super liberal and really, like, open-minded about...
00:13:21.000 I mean, I always feel like, as far as, like, socially...
00:13:25.000 When you look at the entire country, as far as the most progressive parts of the country, you have the coasts always.
00:13:33.000 They're the most progressive.
00:13:34.000 But out of all of them, San Francisco seems to be the most extreme.
00:13:37.000 The first to be super accepting of gays.
00:13:40.000 The whole Berkeley psychedelic movement, all that shit from the 60s.
00:13:44.000 The echoes of that still feel like they're hanging around that place.
00:13:47.000 It's really...
00:13:48.000 And it's even changing again now with all of the dot coms.
00:13:52.000 This version of dot com, the tech people.
00:13:54.000 Yeah.
00:13:54.000 And rents are rising and real estate's never really slow.
00:13:57.000 I mean, it leveled out at a couple places, but it's never dropped and it's come back up.
00:14:01.000 And, you know, the inability for people working a regular job to even be able to afford to live in the city is even getting worse now.
00:14:08.000 So it's the whole...
00:14:09.000 I think the whole liberal gestalt of the place is...
00:14:12.000 Is changing again and now it's just becoming about money.
00:14:15.000 You're totally right.
00:14:16.000 Yeah.
00:14:16.000 The real estate prices there are fucking crazy.
00:14:20.000 Yep.
00:14:20.000 There was one neighborhood that I was looking at.
00:14:23.000 I was just there visiting a friend.
00:14:25.000 I was like, wow, this place is beautiful.
00:14:27.000 It's like near San Jose.
00:14:29.000 These houses were like a regular, it was like a regular house and it was $9 million.
00:14:33.000 Yeah.
00:14:34.000 And I was like, what the fuck is that?
00:14:35.000 That's a regular house.
00:14:36.000 It's not even a crazy mansion.
00:14:38.000 It's a beautiful house, but it's just a house.
00:14:40.000 It's a house house.
00:14:41.000 The biggest shock we had was we came to San Francisco and start looking around and one of the places found literally a converted, it's a one bedroom apartment that is now a tenancy in common or a condo.
00:14:53.000 And it's a one bedroom, about 750 square feet.
00:14:56.000 It was $800,000.
00:14:57.000 Oh!
00:14:58.000 And I had worked in Michigan for a company that built homes, and basically for $800,000 in Michigan, you own everything you see.
00:15:05.000 Yeah, my God!
00:15:06.000 You have one of those Ted Nugent compounds.
00:15:08.000 Yeah, you've got your own herd of elk on campus.
00:15:11.000 It's just nuts.
00:15:12.000 And that's a one-bedroom, and it really hasn't changed all that much since then.
00:15:15.000 God!
00:15:15.000 But you'd have to live in Michigan to ignore it, to enjoy it, rather.
00:15:19.000 Yeah.
00:15:19.000 To ignore it.
00:15:20.000 Well, yeah, you have to like 10 below, and there's no comparison for the cultural broadness of San Francisco.
00:15:27.000 There's a ton of crap to do there and a ton of things to experience.
00:15:30.000 I don't know that it's worth $800,000 for a 750-square-foot apartment, but it's pretty sweet.
00:15:34.000 Yeah, that's a bizarre thing when...
00:15:36.000 The amount of wealth in an area becomes so concentrated that regular people just can't live there.
00:15:42.000 They just literally can't afford to.
00:15:44.000 And it's getting crazier and crazier because there's so many people that have made a lot of money in technology and they're centered around that area.
00:15:52.000 The amount of wealth, the concentrated amount of wealth...
00:15:55.000 We're good to go.
00:16:18.000 And they get on their bus with their Wi-Fi.
00:16:21.000 It's a perfect little limo bus.
00:16:23.000 And then you've got regular working class Joes parking in front of it with a picket sign.
00:16:27.000 And sometimes rattling the bus or throwing stuff at the bus.
00:16:30.000 Why?
00:16:30.000 What are they saying?
00:16:32.000 People are blaming the Silicon Valley tech companies for the rents rising to the point where if you just want to work at a bookstore, if that's what your calling is, you want to do that, you can't afford to live in the city at all anymore.
00:16:44.000 Wow.
00:16:44.000 So people are super mad that they can't live where they want to live.
00:16:48.000 It's a strange situation.
00:16:49.000 That's very strange.
00:16:51.000 I don't think I can recall any place where that's happened before that I know about.
00:16:56.000 I can't think of it either, but to be one of these people on the bus and all of a sudden the populace is rising up against you and burning torches and banging signs against the bus, that's got to be pretty scary.
00:17:06.000 Yeah, and all you're there is working.
00:17:08.000 You're there trying to do what you've gone to school for and what you're practicing for.
00:17:12.000 People are so fucking strange.
00:17:14.000 It's super hard for the people working for these companies to relate, I think, because I've had the opportunity to go do a couple things on the Google campus with a company I used to work for, and they are super hard-working people, super nice, really creative and clever.
00:17:28.000 I mean, all of these cultures are very open in letting people pursue what they want to pursue, and they just bust their ass.
00:17:35.000 They work really hard, so they can't really relate.
00:17:37.000 I have a good friend who works for Google.
00:17:39.000 She loves it there.
00:17:40.000 I think that what you're dealing with when you see a situation like this is this insane new wealth, this insane tech wealth, this industry that's over the last couple of decades has become so gigantic.
00:17:55.000 The amount of money that it generates is just freakish.
00:17:59.000 When you think about cell phones, think about any other product that you sell.
00:18:03.000 You know, you might have one, and this guy might have one.
00:18:07.000 Say if you make vacuum sealers for food.
00:18:10.000 I like to keep my vegetables fresh.
00:18:12.000 How many of those are you going to sell?
00:18:14.000 Yeah.
00:18:14.000 Sell cell phones, though.
00:18:16.000 You're going to sell...
00:18:18.000 Fuckload!
00:18:20.000 There's billions of people on the planet.
00:18:22.000 The amount of money you can make if you sell cell phones is fucking beyond comprehension.
00:18:29.000 Think about one of these.
00:18:31.000 They're the lumber barons and the steel barons and the oil barons of all those different times in history.
00:18:36.000 The Vanderbilts came out and just had crazy amounts of money But now they have killer robots,
00:19:00.000 though.
00:19:01.000 Now they've got a shit ton of killer robots.
00:19:03.000 They're preparing because seriously, man, if other people get killer robots first, we've got a real problem.
00:19:08.000 It's the Oppenheimer dilemma.
00:19:10.000 Do you make the atomic bomb knowing it's going to kill millions of people or do you let the Russians make it first and kill millions of people over here?
00:19:16.000 Or the Germans, rather.
00:19:18.000 It's the same dilemma.
00:19:19.000 Well, Google's cutting out the middleman of the government.
00:19:22.000 Just like, we're going to be able to protect our own stuff.
00:19:24.000 It'll be fine.
00:19:25.000 What do you think?
00:19:25.000 Yeah, Google's going to start buying arms companies next.
00:19:28.000 Probably.
00:19:28.000 Or making their own.
00:19:29.000 The robotics people are like, look, I know a couple of people.
00:19:32.000 You know, I make a robot dog, but I also know Mike, my neighbor, he makes missiles.
00:19:37.000 What do you guys want to do?
00:19:39.000 Fucking hiring the greatest engineers of our day to build missiles for Google.
00:19:44.000 Come over.
00:19:44.000 We'll have a kegger.
00:19:45.000 We'll put all this stuff together.
00:19:46.000 And one day, in like 2024, Google just shows up at the Federal Reserve and goes, stop.
00:19:52.000 It's over.
00:19:53.000 Get out.
00:19:54.000 Everybody get out.
00:19:55.000 We run things now.
00:19:56.000 We don't want your money anymore.
00:19:58.000 It doesn't mean anything anymore.
00:19:59.000 And that's not incredibly, I mean, that's not conspiracy theory to say it's not all that far-fetched.
00:20:02.000 If they buy up the weapons-making technology and have all this stuff, their ability to influence policy could get pretty significant.
00:20:09.000 Wow.
00:20:09.000 Well, also our ability to, first of all, as citizens, to recognize that we're getting screwed over on a daily basis and also recognize that the government is invading our privacy on a daily basis.
00:20:23.000 You know, when people start recognizing those kind of things and you look at, like, some of the lawsuits that have been brought up against people, some of...
00:20:33.000 Some of the people that have lost like giant chunks of their time in their life fighting off the government, whether it's because of taxes or because of regulations or whatever the fuck it is.
00:20:45.000 If you stopped and thought about engineering that and making it the way it is, you would never design it this way.
00:20:52.000 The way it is is so gross and the IRS can go after people.
00:20:57.000 If you don't pay your taxes, they just throw you in prison.
00:20:59.000 They want you to be so scared that you have to pay them their money.
00:21:03.000 If you don't pay them their money, they treat you as if you're a dangerous criminal that you have to take out of society and lock into a cage.
00:21:09.000 You are a dangerous criminal to them.
00:21:11.000 They're an organization and a company just like anybody else.
00:21:14.000 And if the information gets out there that, yeah, there's really no repercussions for you not giving us our revenue...
00:21:21.000 Then they're screwed.
00:21:22.000 Then enough people say, yeah, we're not paying you and you've lost your income and your company goes under.
00:21:26.000 Did you hear about the Beanie Babies thing?
00:21:27.000 No.
00:21:28.000 The guy who created Beanie Babies paid a billion dollars in taxes.
00:21:31.000 And they're like, not enough.
00:21:34.000 What?
00:21:34.000 They're like, we need like a billion, five million.
00:21:36.000 He hid some money somewhere.
00:21:39.000 He had some money.
00:21:39.000 This motherfucker, if he paid a billion dollars in taxes, he's probably on coke all day and has no idea how much money he has.
00:21:45.000 Probably has nothing.
00:21:46.000 Nothing to do with this thing.
00:21:49.000 Like hiding money.
00:21:50.000 What are you talking about?
00:21:51.000 He's fucking made Beanie Babies.
00:21:53.000 He's not a nuclear engineer.
00:21:55.000 He's a crazy fuck that made something that for some reason made him so much money that he paid a billion dollars in taxes.
00:22:02.000 But they're like, you need to pay some more.
00:22:05.000 That's a lot of money in taxes.
00:22:06.000 You think a billion dollars in taxes for friggin' Beanie Babies would be good?
00:22:10.000 It's ridiculous.
00:22:10.000 It's completely ridiculous.
00:22:12.000 So when Google takes over and Skynet goes live, that guy will get his money back, dissolve the Federal Reserve, pay him in Coltan.
00:22:21.000 I'm not sure Google's the Robin Hood of Beanie Baby founders, but maybe.
00:22:25.000 I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility that our government, not just our government, We're good to go.
00:22:50.000 There is in technology and creating things.
00:22:52.000 At a certain point in time, the technology is going to reach the point where people can essentially do whatever the fuck they want.
00:22:57.000 Well, there's the ongoing question, are the corporations actually running things now already?
00:23:02.000 Has the government become a relatively puppet structure based on who's pumping the most campaign money in, etc.?
00:23:08.000 And now you're talking about artificial intelligence coming into the play, is that what I'm saying?
00:23:12.000 Yes, yes, yes.
00:23:13.000 And I think...
00:23:15.000 It's absolutely the case that the corporations have gotten to an insanely influential place, an insanely powerful ability to control the results of elections and the way the world works.
00:23:30.000 I mean, it's really incredible.
00:23:32.000 What's most incredible is that it's a bunch of people.
00:23:35.000 A corporation is just a bunch of people.
00:23:37.000 A bunch of people are doing some things that's really bad for humanity and making fuckloads of money.
00:23:42.000 But it's good for the corporation.
00:23:44.000 It's good for the corporation.
00:23:44.000 You look at it from the artificial organism structure of a corporation...
00:23:49.000 You know, the Coca-Cola company has been alive longer than any human being on the planet.
00:23:53.000 You know, now you've got whatever these, and it's a lot like the memes of religion or nationalism.
00:24:00.000 These structures, these self-replicating and self-supporting structures have been built up, and they live longer than we do.
00:24:06.000 So now corporations, yeah, well, they're not people, but at the same time, that's a successful organism right there.
00:24:12.000 And it's fighting to stay alive and dominate how it wants to dominate.
00:24:16.000 Yeah, that's the real skinny on it, right?
00:24:17.000 It's a thing.
00:24:18.000 It's a system.
00:24:19.000 It's an operating entity.
00:24:21.000 And it's made out of people, but it really likes money more than it likes people.
00:24:26.000 I mean, it's really amazing that people have created something that's not entirely self-serving.
00:24:30.000 And it protects itself as a weird structure of ones and zeros and buildings and paper and...
00:24:37.000 To me, it's really a borderline organism because as a collective organism, all of the people working within it, there's a certain pattern of behaviors that have led to those corporations being successful in living for 100 years or longer.
00:24:52.000 Only people who are following those patterns of behaviors mostly are going to be successful in there, so it's self-perpetuating.
00:24:58.000 So you've got this certain type of behavior, which is always put the company first, screw the rules, screw people, go out and make things profitable.
00:25:05.000 That works, so these companies grow and continue to live and spawn off other companies, and it just keeps on going.
00:25:11.000 To me, they're not living organisms only by a technicality of definition.
00:25:17.000 That's a fascinating way of looking at it.
00:25:19.000 Now, as an author, when you see something like this, that you see perhaps a good majority of the people have probably overlooked, when you look at it like that, I mean, it's got to seem almost like a work of fiction.
00:25:31.000 I mean, if the system in and of itself, like the way it's constructed now and just the idea of sending people to go kill people they don't even know on the other side of the world, all of it is just so bizarre.
00:25:41.000 Mm-hmm.
00:25:42.000 If it didn't exist in this form, and someone brought it to you as a script, you'd be like, whoa.
00:25:48.000 The fucking corporation is alive.
00:25:51.000 It's alive and it's eating people.
00:25:53.000 Look at how many people the corporation kills.
00:25:55.000 Oh my god, it's eating people.
00:25:57.000 Even going back to the Skynet concept of...
00:26:00.000 That's science fiction 25 years ago, and you are now getting to the point with the global nature of the internet and everything else.
00:26:07.000 If you were able to get some kind of powerful online entity or artificial intelligence, that's not at all far-fetched anymore.
00:26:14.000 Somebody could control everything.
00:26:16.000 Not even a little.
00:26:17.000 It seems inevitable, right?
00:26:19.000 I don't know about inevitable.
00:26:20.000 It's definitely, definitely possible.
00:26:22.000 The leap from having a system that can communicate everywhere all over the world at one time and then jumping to something that can actually make its own decisions and decide its own destiny, I think that's, and I know very little about it, but that's way bigger than people think.
00:26:36.000 It's not just, oh, we're going to make this smart robot and it will go through and make decisions.
00:26:40.000 You know, self-determination is a whole different ballgame that they haven't been able to tackle yet.
00:26:44.000 So it's definitely possible.
00:26:47.000 It doesn't seem inevitable to me.
00:26:49.000 To me, it seems inevitable.
00:26:50.000 It seems inevitable just based on the exponential growth of technology, meaning that 1 equals 2, and 2 plus 1 is 3, and then 3 plus 2 is 5. When you start seeing how quickly things are developing and how quickly technology is improving and enhancing,
00:27:06.000 you realize that if we were in a horror movie, and there was a horror movie about robots that eventually took over and just started raping people and eating them...
00:27:14.000 It would probably start out a lot like what we're seeing on the news.
00:27:18.000 We'd have like quick flashes of like a new robot technology and then six months later Sony releases another one and then five months after that they create some sort of an artificial brain cell that actually works better than a real brain cell.
00:27:29.000 They start inserting them into people's bodies and then you cut to Fifty years later, apocalyptic, nightmare scenario, robots eating cinder blocks, running down the street, finding the last vestiges of humanity, hiding under sewer pipes.
00:27:46.000 My hope is if it ever does come down to that, people are really good at doing labor and figuring things out, and they also breed and make more copies of themselves.
00:27:57.000 So if you're a robot artificial intelligence, Killing all the people is a complete and utter waste of time.
00:28:03.000 Why would you do that?
00:28:19.000 Self-determined human beings who are serving the greater purpose of the overlord organization.
00:28:23.000 So your artificial intelligence could easily be like that.
00:28:26.000 So I'm hoping that when we get taken over, they'll just want to give us jobs.
00:28:30.000 And they'll want us to be happy workers.
00:28:31.000 I think they'll find us so inefficient and stupid, they'll want to eat us.
00:28:36.000 I mean, I think they'll treat us the same way we treat chimps.
00:28:39.000 They're like, shut the fuck up and get in the cage.
00:28:42.000 I think if they use us at all, they'll have a show that amuses them.
00:28:47.000 These are actual real people.
00:28:49.000 The last of the real people.
00:28:51.000 We keep them in this cage, make them fuck.
00:28:53.000 We treat them like killer whales.
00:28:55.000 Here's a museum to show you the way things once were.
00:28:58.000 A long time ago, people needed food.
00:29:00.000 Ha ha ha ha ha.
00:29:01.000 Everybody will laugh.
00:29:02.000 They'll think it's hilarious.
00:29:04.000 They'll think natural people are just ridiculous.
00:29:06.000 The idea of a natural person.
00:29:07.000 It could easily become redundant.
00:29:09.000 And this is a trope that's played on science fiction all the time.
00:29:12.000 And I have it in some of my books, too.
00:29:14.000 Which is, once you get your artificial race or artificial intelligence to the point where it can reproduce on its own...
00:29:21.000 When robots can make other versions of itself, that's when we're no longer necessary.
00:29:26.000 When something can breed and make copies of itself, and I'm not necessarily talking a big factory to crank things out, although that works, when robots can basically make baby robots that harvest energy and resources from the environment and get bigger and become an adult and fully functional and capable of carrying on work, then we're screwed.
00:29:42.000 There's no need for us anymore.
00:29:43.000 We're just competition at that point.
00:29:46.000 Yeah, as soon as they figure out how to make better robots, they're like, you guys made a fucking terrible design with us.
00:29:50.000 Let's just fix all of that.
00:29:52.000 I mean, I wonder if we're arrogant and thinking that our special abilities as people, whether it's our emotions, our creativity or whatever, that they're actually really special and that they're not replicable.
00:30:04.000 But what if robots are like, oh, dummy, it's so easy to make something like you.
00:30:09.000 You're not even that complex.
00:30:10.000 You guys are based on really pretty obvious emotions, very predictable behavior patterns under stress.
00:30:16.000 You guys are fucking simple.
00:30:18.000 You like to think you're super complicated because it makes you happy.
00:30:21.000 Well, there's all the stuff we've always thought was complicated or impossible that now we do all the time.
00:30:25.000 And yes, somebody at some point could crack the chemical code of our behavior.
00:30:28.000 Be like, oh, you just mix a little bit of this, a little bit of that.
00:30:30.000 Boom.
00:30:30.000 Next thing you know, this robot's crying because he got his heart broken at the prom.
00:30:34.000 And then boom.
00:30:35.000 Blade Runner.
00:30:36.000 Yeah, Blade Runner.
00:30:37.000 Those scenes with Rutger Hauer, where Rutger Hauer's dying and he doesn't want to kill Harrison Ford, but he was thinking about killing him, but he loves and respects life so much that he winds up ultimately not killing him.
00:30:49.000 That's a fucking powerful movie, man.
00:30:51.000 And not far off from what would actually happen.
00:30:54.000 If you had something and you engineered emotions into it, and if you didn't, then what do you got?
00:30:59.000 You got a fucking city filled with robot psychos that have no emotions?
00:31:02.000 You would want to engineer all the same flaws that people have.
00:31:06.000 If you wanted to create artificial people, what in fact if you did that?
00:31:09.000 Wouldn't they be a person?
00:31:10.000 Wouldn't they be subject to jealousy and poor decision making and Everything outside of drugs, because they would be robotic.
00:31:17.000 I'm sure they'd have their own robotic drugs of some kind.
00:31:20.000 You know, various viruses and reprogramming and anything you want.
00:31:23.000 They'd probably eat batteries.
00:31:27.000 At some point, well, when they put their tongue to the battery, it's a whole different experience.
00:31:31.000 At some point, it would become indiscernible.
00:31:33.000 You couldn't tell the difference.
00:31:35.000 Gosh, I'm forgetting it, but there's that something test where You put a blindfold or put a blind between people, and if you can't tell the person on the other end that computer is a robot or a person, as a human being, you can't tell.
00:31:48.000 Am I talking to a robot or am I talking to a human being?
00:31:49.000 In text form?
00:31:51.000 Or in voice or text form.
00:31:53.000 But this is, if you get to that point, that's one of the definitions of we have gotten close or achieved artificial intelligence.
00:31:59.000 When you as a human can't tell the difference...
00:32:01.000 That's when you're really close to that.
00:32:03.000 And emotions would be a big part of that.
00:32:05.000 In the movie, it'll show people talking into their phones, asking Siri questions, Googling things while they're driving.
00:32:11.000 So it'll show those sort of things.
00:32:12.000 They willingly accepted their way into the robot fold.
00:32:17.000 We're letting them in.
00:32:17.000 Yeah, there's no question.
00:32:18.000 Yeah, we're completely symbiotic now.
00:32:20.000 Completely.
00:32:21.000 You leave your phone at home, it's like you left your dick behind.
00:32:23.000 Yeah.
00:32:23.000 Like, what do I do now?
00:32:25.000 I do not leave home without my dick.
00:32:26.000 So I'm going back for that phone.
00:32:28.000 It's not good.
00:32:28.000 Keep my phone screwed on.
00:32:31.000 Yeah.
00:32:31.000 And before long, they're going to come up with some solution.
00:32:34.000 It runs on your own body's energy, no longer needing to charge itself in the wall.
00:32:39.000 You know, you could always get it surgically removed.
00:32:41.000 Like, hey, honey, I can always get it surgically removed.
00:32:44.000 Next thing you know, you got some robot patch on your arm that you're dialing and it goes straight into your ear.
00:32:50.000 It's coming.
00:32:51.000 It's coming.
00:32:52.000 Implants are the next...
00:32:53.000 That's the next big wave of all of these things that we carry around all the time.
00:32:56.000 We're going to have little USP ports on our forearms and stick it in that little thing.
00:33:00.000 Wireless, man!
00:33:00.000 Everything will be wireless.
00:33:01.000 We'll have ocular.
00:33:02.000 We'll have ocular either contact lenses or inserts below the iris.
00:33:05.000 I would suggest...
00:33:06.000 They'll let you see everything.
00:33:07.000 You turn your Wi-Fi off because people are going to hack you.
00:33:10.000 Yep.
00:33:10.000 You don't want that.
00:33:11.000 Wireless is not good.
00:33:13.000 It's going to have to be hardwired.
00:33:14.000 We're going to need ports.
00:33:15.000 We're going to need matrix ports.
00:33:16.000 We're too lazy.
00:33:17.000 That's like you want the matrix port.
00:33:19.000 Everybody else is going to be like, man, I've got to reach this from here to there and plug it in.
00:33:23.000 Screw that.
00:33:24.000 Just give me the wireless option.
00:33:25.000 Do you really think that people are that lazy?
00:33:27.000 Oh, God, yes.
00:33:28.000 That's ridiculous.
00:33:28.000 There's plenty of people.
00:33:29.000 We're incredibly lazy.
00:33:30.000 There's plenty of people that would plug their headset in.
00:33:33.000 I think there are vastly more who would totally go.
00:33:36.000 People, we're a lazy, lazy bunch as a species.
00:33:39.000 For real.
00:33:39.000 But you think they got to that point where they're not willing to plug something into their head that's going to let them Do you know anybody who's ever complained they can't find the remote control and have to get up and change the channel or something like that?
00:33:52.000 There's a few, but I think there's less people like that than we would like to think.
00:33:58.000 See, this is seditious talk you're having now.
00:34:00.000 You're one of the people who wants to plug in.
00:34:02.000 You don't want the wireless.
00:34:04.000 Google will be watching you, sir.
00:34:06.000 No, I don't mind the wireless.
00:34:07.000 Look, ultimately it's all going to be...
00:34:10.000 It's going to be probably Tesla-fied.
00:34:12.000 Tesla wanted to have electricity in the atmosphere.
00:34:15.000 He wanted to broadcast electricity.
00:34:16.000 Westinghouse found out what he was trying to do.
00:34:17.000 Get the fuck out of here.
00:34:19.000 And they shut his program down.
00:34:20.000 His idea was to wirelessly transmit electricity the same way people wire...
00:34:25.000 They transmit radio waves or transmit Wi-Fi signals.
00:34:30.000 He was going to wirelessly have electricity fucking floating around us in some strange way.
00:34:36.000 I don't even understand the technology behind it, but...
00:34:39.000 I assume that if it was Nikola Tesla that came up with it, this was legit stuff that's never been picked up since.
00:34:45.000 Well, he wanted to give it away was the other big thing.
00:34:48.000 And that's, you know, the corporations, going back to that talk, the self-defense mechanism of the corporations kicks in.
00:34:53.000 If there's a resource that's being given away for free, any corporation providing that resource is in danger of being diminished or being destroyed.
00:35:02.000 So the natural reaction of the group mind of the people in the company is, we got to shut that shit down right now.
00:35:08.000 This is some Alex Jones talk.
00:35:10.000 This is what you're doing.
00:35:11.000 You're going DEF CON 4 on us.
00:35:13.000 We've seen it with the Edison company and their reaction to Tesla and trying to find ways to stop this technology from coming out because if the technology comes out, they no longer have that giant cash cow and that's worth fighting for.
00:35:24.000 What was the downside?
00:35:25.000 Was there any downside, proposed downside, to projecting electricity in the air?
00:35:29.000 Do you have any idea?
00:35:30.000 I don't know that much about it.
00:35:32.000 I'm not sure that he had proven it in a large scale.
00:35:34.000 Can it really transfer over long distances and still be economically viable?
00:35:39.000 And then there's just the general shock of people seeing bolts of lightning flashing across the countryside.
00:35:44.000 They're not very comforted by it, even though it's exactly the same thing happening.
00:35:48.000 You just can't see it because it's in a wire.
00:35:49.000 Is that what it would be?
00:35:50.000 You would see the electricity?
00:35:52.000 I'm pretty sure that's what it was.
00:35:53.000 It was just blasting things through the air.
00:35:55.000 You'd probably have to get refilled like a lightning bolt hits your house every time you need more electricity.
00:36:00.000 It's scary.
00:36:01.000 But what about a bird?
00:36:02.000 What if a fucking bird was flying by right when you hit the power switch?
00:36:06.000 I don't know.
00:36:06.000 Would birds be just exploding all through the sky, all throughout cities?
00:36:10.000 Birds are the collateral damage of the power industry.
00:36:13.000 They're getting killed by windmills right now.
00:36:14.000 But could you imagine if people were just turning on their light switches and birds would just explode in the sky?
00:36:20.000 Because the bolts of electricity would come out of your house and connect you to the tree.
00:36:24.000 You know, the big metal lightning tree.
00:36:27.000 Some poor bird would just be in that path.
00:36:29.000 Boom!
00:36:30.000 It'd be tough living for the birds.
00:36:31.000 You'd be walking down the street, birds exploding over your head.
00:36:34.000 Fuck.
00:36:34.000 Birds would just start walking and then become one of us, like a dog or an animal.
00:36:38.000 Yeah, they'd give up on flying.
00:36:39.000 It's a good point.
00:36:40.000 They would eventually realize through evolution.
00:36:43.000 The robots team up with the birds and then we're really screwed.
00:36:45.000 Sort of like how a butterfly develops that fake eyeball on his wings to make a predator.
00:36:50.000 Listen, bitch, I'm looking at you.
00:36:52.000 But they're not really looking.
00:36:53.000 They're stupid.
00:36:54.000 They're butterflies.
00:36:55.000 Yeah, nature developed that.
00:36:56.000 It became good for that design to exist.
00:37:00.000 What a bizarre thing that is.
00:37:02.000 You just have to think about it.
00:37:03.000 How do you explain that?
00:37:05.000 They develop eyeballs on their wings.
00:37:08.000 They just happen.
00:37:09.000 There's some mutation where they have a pattern on their wing that makes them, that reacts with the predator.
00:37:15.000 The predator looks at it and goes, that either looks like something I've eaten that tastes horrible or that looks like something bigger than me and it's dangerous.
00:37:21.000 And then that butterfly continues on and it happens again and again and again.
00:37:25.000 That's the scientific explanation.
00:37:27.000 But I think there's something nefarious at foot.
00:37:30.000 Yeah.
00:37:32.000 I think something is afoot.
00:37:34.000 Something mysterious.
00:37:35.000 I don't trust them fucking butterflies.
00:37:37.000 I don't trust them.
00:37:38.000 They're up to something.
00:37:38.000 They made eyeballs on their wings.
00:37:41.000 I have a hard time believing that was just some sort of a random thing.
00:37:44.000 I think the one that's more disturbing is the caterpillar with eyeballs on its butt.
00:37:47.000 It lifts its ass up and it's got two big eyes on there.
00:37:50.000 I don't like butts looking back at me.
00:37:52.000 Yeah, I'm not buying it.
00:37:54.000 No, find ones that have eyeballs.
00:37:56.000 There's some incredible ones where they look like cat's eyes.
00:38:01.000 Oh, that's so weird.
00:38:03.000 It's so weird.
00:38:04.000 It seems like someone's trolling us.
00:38:06.000 It seems like more evidence that the world is made out of magic.
00:38:11.000 That somehow or another some insect is able to develop these camouflage eyeballs on its wings that are just fantastic.
00:38:16.000 The robots already took over.
00:38:18.000 We're already experimenting.
00:38:19.000 Now they're like, we're going to keep giving them something and sooner or later they're going to figure this out.
00:38:23.000 And then they give the eyeballs like, they've got to figure it out now.
00:38:25.000 They've got to know it.
00:38:26.000 Yeah, we just make the world so preposterous that everybody just stops and goes, wait a minute, what the fuck is going on?
00:38:33.000 And then...
00:38:33.000 The music starts playing.
00:38:36.000 The curtain draws and the aliens come out clapping.
00:38:39.000 Yeah.
00:38:40.000 Well, we didn't think it was going to take you this long, but here's your prize.
00:38:43.000 There you go.
00:38:44.000 There's no people.
00:38:46.000 Look at that.
00:38:46.000 There's the owl eyes.
00:38:47.000 Oh, yeah.
00:38:48.000 That's nuts.
00:38:49.000 We're all in the Matrix.
00:38:51.000 I've never seen that one before.
00:38:52.000 We're all in the Matrix.
00:38:54.000 Look at those eyeballs.
00:38:55.000 The first reaction I've looked at, that's got to be Photoshop.
00:38:58.000 Is that for real?
00:38:59.000 No, there's a whole series of them.
00:39:00.000 There's a bunch of different kinds of moths, or butterflies rather, that develop these eyeballs on the back of their wings.
00:39:05.000 It's so fantastic.
00:39:07.000 I just love the beauty.
00:39:09.000 Yeah, amazing.
00:39:10.000 Like a cat.
00:39:11.000 Those are cat's eyes.
00:39:12.000 That looks like a tiger.
00:39:13.000 It looks like a baby tiger hiding in the woods, ready to jack you.
00:39:17.000 So you better step, birdie.
00:39:18.000 Yeah.
00:39:19.000 Don't be eating me.
00:39:20.000 I'm a fucking tiger.
00:39:21.000 That's a tiger.
00:39:22.000 That's friggin' amazing.
00:39:23.000 It's incredible.
00:39:23.000 I mean, look, it has eyeballs.
00:39:25.000 Yeah.
00:39:26.000 If you look in the eye, it looks like, like if you had that tattooed on you and it was an eye, you'd be like, oh, that artist is good.
00:39:31.000 Look at that.
00:39:32.000 Get the fuck out of here.
00:39:33.000 Just get the fuck out of here.
00:39:34.000 That's crazy.
00:39:35.000 That's a cartoon fairy.
00:39:36.000 Totally.
00:39:37.000 That's so weird!
00:39:38.000 And that's real.
00:39:39.000 I don't buy that that's...
00:39:41.000 I mean, I know that's the answer.
00:39:42.000 I know science would tell you that's the answer, but they didn't see it happen.
00:39:45.000 No.
00:39:46.000 There's no actual documentation of that particular change.
00:39:50.000 There's magic in the world, my friend.
00:39:52.000 As an author, I'm sure you must agree with me.
00:39:54.000 You create fantastic works of fiction.
00:39:56.000 You create entire worlds in your own mind.
00:39:59.000 Well, you get into, you know, the definition of magic can be so broad.
00:40:03.000 And the fact that...
00:40:04.000 Any one of us being alive at this particular moment is such an...
00:40:08.000 The odds against you being here and living this long are so astronomical you can't even calculate them.
00:40:14.000 Especially if we were just here a couple hundred years ago.
00:40:17.000 Yeah.
00:40:18.000 And the fact that we've really only come into our modern-day culture in the past two centuries or so.
00:40:23.000 So a lot of things I look at as an author are just staggering.
00:40:28.000 And even looking at something like the butterflies...
00:40:30.000 Of course, my first reaction is always...
00:40:32.000 What can I do with that?
00:40:33.000 How can I work that into a story?
00:40:34.000 Because that's real and that's cool and we can do something with it.
00:40:37.000 But yeah, there's a lot of things I look at and even having a decent knowledge of science and evolution and those things, you look at it and go, how the fuck did that happen?
00:40:47.000 A lot of times I find myself arguing myself like, no, yeah.
00:40:51.000 The one that gets me is like the crabs that put crap on their shell.
00:40:55.000 Have you ever seen these things?
00:40:56.000 They put crap on their shell?
00:40:57.000 Yeah, these crabs will grab whatever happens to be around them and then use their saliva and glue it to their claws like a boxer crab.
00:41:06.000 And it'll glue anemones, which are deadly to it, onto its claws.
00:41:11.000 So if another predator comes up, they're like, they put up, they're dukes, they put up two anemones.
00:41:15.000 Look up boxer crab if you guys want to show this.
00:41:17.000 And it wards off predators.
00:41:18.000 And now you can see that anything with that behavior, of course, has a survival advantage.
00:41:22.000 That makes sense.
00:41:23.000 But at what point does some crazy crab eat a bad piece of fish and get so high that it's like, I'm going to cut this off here and put this on my claws and wave it around for a little while?
00:41:33.000 I see stuff like that.
00:41:35.000 That's one that always throws me for a loop.
00:41:37.000 Like, how did that first actually happen?
00:41:40.000 And, you know, when I talk to my science consultants, they break it down into finer and finer detail.
00:41:44.000 I'm like, what you say makes perfect sense.
00:41:46.000 I understand.
00:41:47.000 However, he's got friggin' sea anemones on his claws.
00:41:50.000 Yeah.
00:41:51.000 I'm not buying it, bitch.
00:41:52.000 Somebody taught him how to do that.
00:41:55.000 That's crazy.
00:41:56.000 That's a live anemone on his claws, and anybody who screws with him is going to get a mouthful of nematocyst.
00:42:02.000 That's what he's up to.
00:42:03.000 That is crazy.
00:42:03.000 Yeah.
00:42:04.000 The ocean itself might as well be an alien world.
00:42:07.000 I mean, it really might as well be on another planet.
00:42:10.000 Yeah.
00:42:11.000 Just stopping...
00:42:12.000 Oh, that's one thing that I really wanted to talk about with the ocean.
00:42:16.000 This is a crazy fucking thing that I just discovered.
00:42:18.000 You know Sea Shepherd?
00:42:20.000 You know those companies that go out and fight those whalers?
00:42:24.000 They caught this Japanese whaling ship.
00:42:28.000 And the Japanese whaling ship, they have this really sneaky thing they're doing where you're allowed to, under some provision, some unilateral agreement, you're allowed to whale hunt.
00:42:40.000 You could take a whale if it's for scientific research.
00:42:43.000 So they left in some weird loophole for scientific research.
00:42:47.000 So what these guys do is they go out and they slaughter these whales and then they say it's for scientific research and they just sell the meat.
00:42:55.000 Like, they're whaling.
00:42:56.000 They're just killing these whales.
00:42:58.000 The way they're doing it is under this weird loophole in the law.
00:43:02.000 So they're selling some part of the whale maybe for science and then selling the rest of the profit?
00:43:06.000 No, they're just selling the meat for food.
00:43:08.000 They're selling it commercially.
00:43:11.000 But you can see the photos.
00:43:14.000 Did you see the images, Brian?
00:43:16.000 If you go to Sea Shepherd, one of the more recent stories about it, they got a helicopter and they flew over the boat and took photos of these dead whales.
00:43:25.000 There it is.
00:43:26.000 Yeah, it's dark, man.
00:43:28.000 It's really dark.
00:43:30.000 And if you look as they pull back and they show you, there's a website address.
00:43:35.000 And if you go to that website address, there's an English version and a Japanese version.
00:43:40.000 But the images are pretty shocking.
00:43:43.000 If you go and look at it online, they even have video of them slaughtering one of the whales.
00:43:48.000 But to me, when I look at that, that to me is just like us going to another planet and killing some alien being.
00:43:56.000 We would never stand for that.
00:43:57.000 If we showed up on Mars and Mars had whales on it and we just started gutting whales and using them for scientific research, people would go fucking crazy.
00:44:04.000 Like, what are you doing?
00:44:05.000 We found this intelligent life form that communicates.
00:44:08.000 It has a voice.
00:44:09.000 It has language.
00:44:11.000 They have some sort of a weird differentiation between different sections of the world and they have different accents.
00:44:17.000 Yeah.
00:44:18.000 Yeah, but at the same time, if there's a resource there that we need or someone can make money from, and the propaganda machine kicks in, and we find this alien intelligence, and then your president is on the radio saying, this is a significant danger to the human race,
00:44:33.000 and we have to act right now because they do all of these horrible things.
00:44:36.000 We've watched it on our planet.
00:44:39.000 Dozen times in our own lifetime where somebody comes out with a propaganda machine and we're so manipulatable that we'd be like, oh, well, if we don't bomb them first, they're going to bomb us.
00:44:47.000 We are scared.
00:44:49.000 People get scared, especially when they have kids.
00:44:51.000 When they get kids, they get real scared.
00:44:52.000 They want to just fucking bomb them.
00:44:53.000 They're dangerous out there.
00:44:54.000 The Martians have weapons of mass destruction.
00:44:56.000 We got to take them bitches out.
00:44:57.000 But imagine if we went to Mars, we found some intelligent life forms that communicate with language, and we decided to start eating them.
00:45:05.000 Imagine the protests.
00:45:06.000 Imagine how bad people would freak out.
00:45:08.000 But we don't have any problem with SeaWorld.
00:45:10.000 Whales pretty much aren't hurting anybody.
00:45:12.000 We've established that they aren't hurting anybody.
00:45:14.000 Not hurting anybody and smart.
00:45:16.000 We know that.
00:45:16.000 We know those two things for sure.
00:45:18.000 But you know what?
00:45:19.000 The thing is, nature is so evil herself.
00:45:22.000 Nature sets whales up, makes it so whales can't defend themselves against killer whales.
00:45:26.000 That's why they call them killer whales.
00:45:28.000 A lot of folks don't know that.
00:45:29.000 They kill whales.
00:45:30.000 They're not whales.
00:45:31.000 They're dolphins.
00:45:32.000 But they kill whales.
00:45:34.000 The videos of them killing whales are fucked up, man.
00:45:37.000 They're crazy.
00:45:38.000 They don't do it quick.
00:45:40.000 They just start eating.
00:45:42.000 Yeah, just chewing off a hunk.
00:45:43.000 The one I saw when I was a little kid, it was in National Geographic, and the first time anybody had ever documented an orca pack taking out a whale.
00:45:51.000 I can't remember what kind of whale it was, gray whale or sperm whale.
00:45:54.000 And they literally chew on it until it opens its mouth like in pain, and then one swims inside the mouth and starts gnawing down on the tongue.
00:46:03.000 Oh, God damn.
00:46:05.000 And as far as they can tell, that's the good stuff.
00:46:08.000 That's what they actually want, is the tongue tastes the best.
00:46:10.000 So somebody gets to go in there and start chewing on that tongue, and then they just kill it.
00:46:14.000 It's hard to take their side.
00:46:17.000 That's a cunty fish, obviously.
00:46:19.000 It's hard to take the killer whale side.
00:46:21.000 I mean, I would like to take their side, but the way they treat whales is fucked.
00:46:25.000 And then you realize, well, you know, that's just nature.
00:46:28.000 Nature's just like that.
00:46:30.000 There's going to be...
00:46:31.000 It's going to be horrific crimes.
00:46:33.000 That's what nature's all about.
00:46:35.000 Nature's an endless fight for survival.
00:46:36.000 And if you aren't killing, then you're going to get killed.
00:46:39.000 And if you have no way of recognizing your culture, if you have no way of objectively assessing your situation, if you're stuck in a world where you need...
00:46:49.000 Mm-hmm.
00:47:09.000 If we existed in a world like that, we were just flying around in a three-dimensional space, I don't think we'd be very much different than dollars.
00:47:16.000 Well, we weren't.
00:47:17.000 And it's the development of agriculture and society and cities and getting that safety that comes with a large number of people working together.
00:47:27.000 That's the only thing that's allowed us to do those things as well.
00:47:30.000 You go back...
00:47:31.000 40,000, 50,000 years with us, and there was no different.
00:47:34.000 We'll kill anything that moves.
00:47:35.000 Kill and eat anything that moves, and if you don't do it, something's going to kill you, and it was only the development of society that allowed people to start writing poetry and making art and doing all those other things.
00:47:45.000 Yeah, the development of a place where you could hang out and not get eaten.
00:47:48.000 Yeah.
00:47:48.000 And where you had food stockpiled, and you're like, okay, I got all that covered.
00:47:52.000 I got a wall, I got a gun, I got a stake.
00:47:55.000 Okay, I'm good.
00:47:56.000 I got nothing to do for at least the next week.
00:47:58.000 Next thing you know, you're drinking wine and writing things down.
00:48:00.000 And then people read that shit and go, dude, I thought that too, but I just never put it to words.
00:48:05.000 And then the whole culture expands from there.
00:48:08.000 That's never going to happen with dolphins.
00:48:10.000 They've got to keep moving.
00:48:11.000 They're never going to learn shit.
00:48:12.000 I don't think they're very much different than us.
00:48:15.000 I know that's a very hippie thing to say.
00:48:17.000 But I had an experience once on a boat with dolphins playing wild dolphins in Hawaii.
00:48:22.000 It changed me for life.
00:48:24.000 Changed me for life.
00:48:25.000 Just looking in their eyes, experiencing, like, laughing with them and yelling at them and them doing tricks for you.
00:48:31.000 I mean, they were with us for over an hour, and I was high as fuck!
00:48:37.000 God damn, I was high.
00:48:38.000 Woo!
00:48:39.000 I was so high, I definitely shouldn't have been on a boat.
00:48:41.000 But there I was.
00:48:42.000 And when you're that high, you're very vulnerable and very sensitive and very introspective and almost painfully so sometimes.
00:48:49.000 So me looking in the eyes of that dolphin had me absolutely convinced, just watching these things play, that I'm probably being extremely prejudiced in how highly I value human...
00:49:00.000 Human cognition and our ability to change our environment being the ultimate measure of intelligence.
00:49:06.000 Well, they couldn't change their environment, but they have absolutely no need to because they're perfectly adapted to their environment.
00:49:12.000 They're perfect.
00:49:12.000 They don't have to worry about sharks.
00:49:14.000 They don't have to worry about shit.
00:49:15.000 All they have to worry about is...
00:49:17.000 Those cunty killer whales.
00:49:18.000 Killer whales eat them.
00:49:19.000 That's what's interesting about dolphins.
00:49:20.000 They're one of the few species on the planet that kill for fun because they've got so much brain power.
00:49:25.000 They're like, I'm just going to go kill that.
00:49:27.000 They'll kill other dolphins.
00:49:29.000 Sharks.
00:49:29.000 Infanticide.
00:49:30.000 If there are baby dolphins that aren't produced by them, they'll kill them.
00:49:33.000 Dolphins rape, which is messed up.
00:49:35.000 One of the few species that goes out and rapes.
00:49:36.000 So with big brains comes big problems, I guess.
00:49:39.000 I thought all species kind of raped.
00:49:42.000 No, I don't think so.
00:49:43.000 Really?
00:49:43.000 No, it's not a very common thing.
00:49:47.000 You heard about the pufferfish, right?
00:49:49.000 Yeah, the dolphins.
00:49:50.000 They're getting high with pufferfish.
00:49:51.000 But like chimps?
00:49:52.000 Do chimps rape?
00:49:53.000 The chimps do too, yeah.
00:49:54.000 They will, yeah.
00:49:55.000 And what about cats?
00:49:56.000 Because the female cats are too badass.
00:49:58.000 That's a dangerous move.
00:49:59.000 I don't think you want to go there, yeah.
00:50:01.000 Fuck that.
00:50:01.000 You get cut up.
00:50:02.000 The bitches will fucking hurt you.
00:50:04.000 Imagine trying to rape a lion.
00:50:07.000 In pack animals, you'll get driving out the alpha male of the pack, and then the new guy's the alpha male, and he gets the spoils of war, so to speak.
00:50:15.000 But I don't think there's an enormous amount of straight-up rape in the animal kingdom outside of the more intelligent animals.
00:50:21.000 Well, it's also, there's probably no social stigma to fucking, and probably the female tigers want to have sex as well, so there's not as much of a need to fuck or to rape each other.
00:50:32.000 Doesn't that make sense?
00:50:33.000 Like, if wild animals, if it just became real rapey, like wild animals just rape each other, they would never eat anything.
00:50:39.000 They wouldn't get any work done.
00:50:40.000 Well, it could be, you know, speaking out of my ass here, but the dolphin thing could be part of that free time thing.
00:50:45.000 Dude, that's our whole show, is speaking out of our ass.
00:50:48.000 436 episodes.
00:50:49.000 No significant predators other than humans.
00:50:52.000 They're not even really all that afraid of sharks.
00:50:55.000 And they don't have to worry about their environment.
00:50:57.000 They're perfectly adapted.
00:50:58.000 And they are smart, so they've got time to think about stuff.
00:51:00.000 Like, you know, look at the dorsal fin on that girl.
00:51:03.000 Maybe they think too much.
00:51:04.000 Well, the killer whales don't give a fuck if they think they'll eat them.
00:51:08.000 Yeah.
00:51:08.000 They go around eating dolphins.
00:51:10.000 Oh, they kill everything, yeah.
00:51:12.000 They're the best.
00:51:12.000 They don't care.
00:51:13.000 They know they're smart and like, so what?
00:51:15.000 Yeah.
00:51:16.000 So you're smart too.
00:51:17.000 Fuck you.
00:51:18.000 So you're not a fish.
00:51:18.000 Oh, so you breathe air?
00:51:20.000 Yeah.
00:51:20.000 It seems like everything smart breathes air.
00:51:22.000 Isn't that interesting?
00:51:23.000 Nothing smart figured out gills.
00:51:26.000 No.
00:51:27.000 It's all mammalians.
00:51:29.000 It's all marine mammals.
00:51:30.000 Nothing really smart.
00:51:32.000 There's some people who think that the octopus and squids are really wicked smart, like being able to be tool users and figure out puzzles significantly.
00:51:40.000 But yeah, that's the only aquatic breathing animal that I can think of.
00:51:44.000 Here's the problem with that argument.
00:51:46.000 They don't have any houses and they get eaten by fish.
00:51:48.000 That's ridiculous.
00:51:49.000 They're not that fucking smart.
00:51:50.000 They're not that smart.
00:51:51.000 So they know how to open a jar.
00:51:53.000 Whoa!
00:51:54.000 I can teach a dog to open a jar.
00:51:55.000 Get in that jar and close the lid behind you and you're home free.
00:51:58.000 That is not hard.
00:51:59.000 A three-year-old can open a fucking jar.
00:52:02.000 That's so stupid.
00:52:03.000 I think that they're super intelligent.
00:52:05.000 They have also ability to communicate with their skin, which I find incredibly fascinating.
00:52:09.000 It's amazing to watch.
00:52:10.000 That's just nuts.
00:52:11.000 The visual communication.
00:52:13.000 They used to think at one time that it was just camouflage, that they were just adapting to their environment, which they're also capable of doing.
00:52:19.000 But they also somehow or another communicate with each other by their skin, by the way they look, and they think that that squid ink It may serve two purposes.
00:52:29.000 It may, one, try to ward off predators in some way, create confusion, allow it to escape, but also it might be like eraser fluid.
00:52:37.000 Like, forget what I just said.
00:52:39.000 That's all bullshit.
00:52:40.000 Wipe that out.
00:52:41.000 Yeah, there's some interesting work done on octopus and octopi communication.
00:52:47.000 I don't know if you've ever seen videos of cuttlefish hunting, but using the patterns in their body to hypnotize their prey.
00:52:53.000 But I've got a book called Earthcore, a fiction book, and the whole race in that book is based on the cuttlefish.
00:53:00.000 So all of their communication is almost no verbal.
00:53:04.000 It's all visual.
00:53:05.000 And it's the patterns changing on their skin, which is how they talk to each other and how they hunt as a pack.
00:53:09.000 Wow.
00:53:10.000 Yeah, it's pretty sweet.
00:53:12.000 That's so wild.
00:53:13.000 I wonder how wolves communicate.
00:53:15.000 Like, when wolves decide they're going to sneak up on somebody, like, if they do something, like, if they have a situation, like, wolves, like, they'll corner an animal.
00:53:22.000 Like, they'll have, like, some will go this way and others will wait for them on the other end.
00:53:26.000 Like, they somehow or another communicate with each other.
00:53:29.000 I wonder what they're doing.
00:53:30.000 That's...
00:53:31.000 That's probably evolved as we did this and it worked.
00:53:35.000 But they are smart as shit and they are capable of remembering, okay, you guys got the rounder roll.
00:53:41.000 Make sure they don't flank out to the side.
00:53:44.000 Here's the guys pushing.
00:53:46.000 These things have cascading color on their body.
00:53:49.000 What do you think they do it with, though?
00:53:50.000 I mean, are they doing it with, when you're talking about wolves, are they doing it with smells or using pheromones?
00:53:56.000 Like, how are they communicating?
00:53:57.000 They, from what I know about it, they're actually, they teach the puppies and the young ones how to do it.
00:54:03.000 Like, teaching them, like, you're going to go here or they will follow the adult.
00:54:06.000 And it's a learned skill.
00:54:07.000 It's just like a pack of humans hunting.
00:54:10.000 And they just know.
00:54:10.000 Because these are, they're brought up, like, your role is this.
00:54:14.000 And then as they become more dominant in the pack, they change their role in the hunting pack.
00:54:19.000 I'm sure you've seen the video of the chimpanzees organizing an armed party to go after monkeys.
00:54:25.000 Have you ever seen that?
00:54:26.000 No, I don't think I've seen this.
00:54:27.000 It's so crazy.
00:54:29.000 It's one of the weirdest videos.
00:54:31.000 And it was one of the first instances where they were completely sure the chimpanzees were not just vegetarians.
00:54:36.000 Where they knew the chimpanzees were not just carnivorous, but they were eating primates.
00:54:40.000 Have you seen that, Brian?
00:54:42.000 Have we ever shown that video?
00:54:43.000 I think so.
00:54:44.000 Show the video of the chimpanzee eating a monkey because it's fucked.
00:54:48.000 This one, right?
00:54:49.000 The team up to...
00:54:50.000 Yes, BBC from the BBC. Yeah.
00:54:52.000 So they have all these monkeys in the trees and what they do is they send chimps after them to chase them and they start swinging on the trees and then on the other end they have chimps waiting as the monkeys try to escape.
00:55:07.000 So they've herded them into this area where these dominant chimps will be waiting.
00:55:12.000 And the chimps will attack the monkeys in the trees.
00:55:15.000 But they corner them.
00:55:16.000 They trap them.
00:55:17.000 They get them on the sides and they get them in the front.
00:55:19.000 And they corral them into an area where other chimps are waiting.
00:55:23.000 And then they grab them.
00:55:24.000 But they figure that out.
00:55:26.000 How do they organize that?
00:55:28.000 Do they talk about it?
00:55:29.000 How do they know?
00:55:29.000 How do I know there's going to be people on the other end or chimps on the other end waiting?
00:55:33.000 When I chase these monkeys down.
00:55:35.000 That's pretty advanced.
00:55:36.000 That's super advanced.
00:55:37.000 They've somehow or another figured out a way to talk to each other and say, look, man, I want to eat a monkey.
00:55:42.000 You guys want to eat some monkeys?
00:55:43.000 This is how we do it.
00:55:44.000 They hide in the trees.
00:55:45.000 What we got to do is chase them down there, and Mike and Bob, you guys will stand on the corners, chase them this way, and then Tommy at the end is just going to gather them all up and we're going to eat.
00:55:53.000 That's a killer question.
00:55:54.000 How do they communicate that?
00:55:55.000 That would take people, like if a bunch of random people were stranded on a deserted island and they had to figure out how to hunt, It would take them until they were on the brink of starvation until they figured that out.
00:56:04.000 They'd be like, well, let's go try to get some food.
00:56:06.000 But it would take a long fucking time to devise strategies.
00:56:09.000 The trippy thought with that to me is not knowing how long they've been exhibiting this behavior, that's exactly how they catch monkeys and orangutans and chimpanzees.
00:56:16.000 So was somebody watching the humans do this and go, that shit works great.
00:56:20.000 I don't think so, but it might.
00:56:22.000 Because it's not like we have a lot of evidence of them killing chimpanzees before.
00:56:25.000 They might literally develop that from watching how we do it to them, which is fuck.
00:56:30.000 That's crazy.
00:56:31.000 Most likely, though, that they're just smart and they figure it out.
00:56:33.000 They're smart.
00:56:34.000 Did you get that video?
00:56:35.000 Yeah, Jamie told me that that's the video that every time we play, that they yank us off YouTube, though.
00:56:40.000 Oh, really?
00:56:41.000 But we could show Grape Ape and a monkey.
00:56:42.000 Oh, that's very realistic.
00:56:44.000 They yank us off YouTube just for that?
00:56:46.000 Yeah, that one.
00:56:47.000 Is it a BBC one?
00:56:48.000 Fucking BBC. It's the internet, bitch.
00:56:50.000 You're never gonna win.
00:56:51.000 You're never gonna beat the internet.
00:56:54.000 But, I mean, the way they treat monkeys, and the way we treat whales, the way we treat killer whales.
00:57:01.000 It really is a perplexing question, like what will the next thing, how will that treat us?
00:57:08.000 If there is an artificially intelligent, super genius robot that becomes some sort of a synthetic organic thing that's almost indistinguishable from humans but infinitely smarter, how is it going to deal with us?
00:57:20.000 Is it going to deal with us the way we deal with the chimps, or the way the chimps deal with the monkeys, or the way we deal with the dolphins, or the way the killer whales deal with the dolphins?
00:57:28.000 How is it going to deal with us?
00:57:29.000 We're not setting a very good precedent, basically.
00:57:30.000 Why would he want to keep us around and make us be lazy, shitty, unproductive workers that are really angry that our robot overlords have taken over?
00:57:38.000 Right.
00:57:38.000 Or there's just the basic problem of we're too smart.
00:57:41.000 If we had monkeys in the L.A. area and they walked around with switchblades and guns and every now and then would start killing people, you'd be like, we've got to get rid of those monkeys.
00:57:51.000 And you know, this is a funny conversation because whenever you have this conversation about artificial intelligence, you're going to get a lot of naysayers and a lot of people that claim that they know what's going to happen, like, listen.
00:58:00.000 That's not going to happen.
00:58:02.000 We would never allow it.
00:58:03.000 We would never engineer that.
00:58:06.000 I getcha.
00:58:07.000 I getcha.
00:58:08.000 However, it might happen.
00:58:11.000 That guy would never allow it.
00:58:12.000 That guy would never engineer it.
00:58:13.000 There's always somebody out there who's just either for the money or is like, God, I wonder if I can do that.
00:58:19.000 That's the driving force behind Discovery is I wonder if I can make that happen.
00:58:23.000 And this insatiable need to push technology.
00:58:26.000 Just insatiable.
00:58:28.000 The drive that people have to continue to innovate is spectacular.
00:58:34.000 Every day there's some new goddamn 110-inch TV that's 44K. Michael Bay.
00:58:40.000 Yeah, what happened with that?
00:58:41.000 Michael Bay was doing a presentation and the prompter failed and he locked up up there.
00:58:46.000 He couldn't even just wing it.
00:58:49.000 All he had to do was talk about what he does as a director.
00:58:51.000 Like, I make movies.
00:58:53.000 And he tried to do it, but then he stopped.
00:58:55.000 And then the guy's like, you know, why don't we just talk about these new TVs?
00:58:58.000 You know, these curved TVs.
00:58:59.000 And he could have just said, yeah, they look beautiful or something.
00:59:01.000 But instead he starts mumbling and then just walks off the stage.
00:59:05.000 Oh, so he bombed.
00:59:07.000 Yeah.
00:59:07.000 He got panicky.
00:59:08.000 It happens.
00:59:09.000 Happens to the best of us.
00:59:10.000 You should watch it.
00:59:10.000 I don't want to watch it.
00:59:11.000 It's really creepy.
00:59:12.000 That's not good to see.
00:59:13.000 It's like watching a really bad comedian right before you go on stage.
00:59:17.000 If someone's up there just bombing and then you have to go on stage, you don't think anything could be funny.
00:59:22.000 It's dangerous for you.
00:59:23.000 And if you get a sniff of his craziness, some guy was petrified, you might think of that.
00:59:28.000 That might enter into your head as a single cell and then start dividing like a little virus, a little mental virus.
00:59:35.000 And that can take your performance down.
00:59:38.000 Most likely no, but I don't like the feeling.
00:59:41.000 I don't like watching people bomb.
00:59:44.000 It feels gross.
00:59:45.000 I know what it feels like.
00:59:47.000 I gotta get out of there.
00:59:48.000 It's very hard to go on after.
00:59:51.000 This is why I think it might actually be affecting people.
00:59:54.000 This is also why I think people enjoy inspiration.
00:59:57.000 I think when you see someone who's really bad, you really don't think that anything's good.
01:00:02.000 You think this is what life is.
01:00:04.000 Life is really terrible.
01:00:05.000 Life is terrible comedy.
01:00:06.000 Someone's bombing on stage.
01:00:09.000 And on the opposite, when you see something really spectacular, it raises your standards for things that you could accomplish, things that you could be excited to see.
01:00:19.000 It raises your standards.
01:00:20.000 If you go to see Avatar or some spectacular movie, you leave there.
01:00:25.000 And you would think it would be the inverse of that.
01:00:27.000 Oh, I want to follow the guy who bombed, because even if I phone it in, I'm going to do well, and I don't want to follow Avatar because it's spectacular, and I'm going to look poor.
01:00:35.000 Wow.
01:00:35.000 Well, some people do have that mindset.
01:00:38.000 Some people have this really ultra-competitive mindset, and a lot of comics like to bring terrible comedians with them on the road.
01:00:44.000 They bring guys who just really shouldn't even be going on stage, and the comic is really pretty good.
01:00:49.000 So it'll be like this death show for 20 minutes, and then the comic comes in like a hero.
01:00:54.000 And everybody's super excited to see him.
01:00:56.000 I've seen that happen on numerous occasions, but that's famine mentality.
01:01:00.000 That famine mentality that there's not enough for everybody.
01:01:04.000 The famine mentality that you have to get all the accolades and anybody that's threatening whatsoever to your talent, to your abilities, it should be just minimalized.
01:01:14.000 That's a dangerous mindset to have, especially in the world of comedy.
01:01:21.000 I think if you instead choose to be inspired by good performances, then everything becomes inspirational.
01:01:28.000 It's not like everything's competitive.
01:01:30.000 Instead of it being competitive, you get all the same juice that you would get from the competitive aspect of it, but you get it in a positive form.
01:01:37.000 Instead, you're inspired and happy for people's success, happy for great movies.
01:01:41.000 Happy for great music, happy for great comedy.
01:01:44.000 When you see great things, inspired by them.
01:01:47.000 So everywhere around you, you see inspiration.
01:01:49.000 Instead of everywhere around you, you're seeing competition, people doing better than you, something that diminishes your idea of who you are as a person because you don't measure up on paper to Michael Bay or this guy or that guy.
01:02:02.000 Instead of that, it's the opposite.
01:02:04.000 Instead, you know, the mentality is you're constantly being inspired.
01:02:07.000 It's a matter of engineering your thoughts.
01:02:10.000 That's all it really is.
01:02:11.000 Yeah, and I've got significant...
01:02:12.000 It's better now, but I've had significant issues with other authors.
01:02:17.000 People start out at the same time I did, roughly, and have similar career arcs moving up, and then they just catch lightning by the tail for something, and the next thing you know, they're huge.
01:02:28.000 And I'm like, we're basically working equally...
01:02:31.000 Everybody's working their fingers to the bone, like every other profession.
01:02:33.000 Anybody who succeeds anywhere is probably working their ass off.
01:02:36.000 And then you just watch something blow up and you're like, that's difficult to overcome.
01:02:40.000 You're like, oh, that guy got all the goodies.
01:02:42.000 That guy got there first.
01:02:45.000 But this is goodies for you.
01:02:46.000 Oh, yeah.
01:02:46.000 Yeah.
01:02:47.000 And like you say, a lot of it has been adjusting the perspective.
01:02:50.000 You have to step back and say, I'm still doing really well and I'm making a lot of people really happy with my stories and my books and I can now aspire to get to that level.
01:03:00.000 So I have to write something better and market it better and connect better and finally get that out there.
01:03:05.000 Well, I think sometimes it's just a matter of people finding out about it.
01:03:08.000 It's really that simple.
01:03:09.000 It's like the product is there for a long time, but there's so much product.
01:03:13.000 You walk into a Barnes& Noble and start roaming through the fiction section and find a bunch of authors you don't know, and you read the back of the book, and you see a few recommendations that you probably respect, and you go, fuck it, I'll take a chance.
01:03:23.000 But for the most part, the choices are endless, and new books are coming out constantly.
01:03:28.000 It's difficult to get seen.
01:03:30.000 It's difficult to get discovered.
01:03:32.000 And the exposure is the biggest thing.
01:03:35.000 And people hearing about what you do and then maybe hearing two or three times before they're familiar.
01:03:40.000 Like, this is my second time in the show.
01:03:41.000 And the first time, we got a ton of new readers.
01:03:45.000 People were like, God, that guy sounds pretty cool.
01:03:46.000 Let me check out his books and we've got all these fans now.
01:03:49.000 Now on the second time, maybe you get more.
01:03:51.000 And, you know, all of that effort, the next book's out, it's called Pandemic, it's out January 21st, and just trying to get people exposed to it so that they can say, that sounds like my cup of tea, or yeah, I don't think I'd be interested in that.
01:04:04.000 That's the real game.
01:04:05.000 It's not getting people to read or forcing people to read it, it's just a matter of if nobody's ever heard of me, Oh, sure.
01:04:34.000 Anybody getting to the Anne Rice, Stephen King, Dean Kuntz, any of those levels where they just flat out, he doesn't have to worry about it anymore.
01:04:42.000 Stephen King could give a crap about marketing because that's all going to get taken care of for him.
01:04:45.000 He's earned that and he's totally fine.
01:04:49.000 I put a lot of time into marketing and trying different things to get the word out.
01:04:56.000 All of that Every minute I spend doing that is a minute I'm not creating or refining a story.
01:05:02.000 One of the things we did today was, for all of the listeners, remember that book I told you about last time, Tidal Fight, which was the science fiction MMA? We decided we're just going to give that away to all your listeners through January.
01:05:13.000 If they go to our website, scottsigler.com.
01:05:17.000 Oh, it's up on the screen right there.
01:05:18.000 Who is that?
01:05:19.000 That is not a fighter.
01:05:20.000 No, that's the one you said.
01:05:21.000 You asked me if I was writing gay porn last time.
01:05:24.000 That's right.
01:05:25.000 That looks like Husamal or Parhares.
01:05:27.000 There's a couple of guys that look like that.
01:05:29.000 The biggest lift ever.
01:05:31.000 Mark Coleman used to look like that to some extent.
01:05:33.000 He wasn't even that big.
01:05:35.000 He was huge.
01:05:37.000 But if anybody goes to that store and puts that in their cart and then uses the code DEATHSQUAD, they get that e-book for free.
01:05:44.000 Oh, that's beautiful.
01:05:44.000 They can read it on their computer.
01:05:46.000 They can read it on their tablet, on their Kindle, etc.
01:05:48.000 Awesome.
01:05:48.000 So these are the kind of things that, and it's not like, you know, the Stephen Kings and the Joe Hills don't still do, or their people do that marketing stuff for them.
01:05:56.000 But yeah, we have to do things like that to be like, just like, I know if you read my shit, I'm going to own you.
01:06:01.000 It's just that simple.
01:06:02.000 Pull up Mark Kerr.
01:06:04.000 Mark Kerr was the only MMA fighter that really looked like that.
01:06:07.000 They actually did a fascinating documentary on Mark Kerr.
01:06:10.000 Did you ever see that?
01:06:11.000 No, I haven't.
01:06:11.000 The Smashing Machine.
01:06:12.000 It's called The Smashing Machine.
01:06:13.000 It is fucking dark.
01:06:15.000 Yeah?
01:06:16.000 It's deep because Mark was like super, super open with them and they're like, While he was filming this documentary, they were doing this documentary on this unstoppable MMA fighter.
01:06:26.000 This guy was this wrestler who was just destroying people.
01:06:28.000 He's built like a fucking superhero, super athlete, taking people down and smashing them.
01:06:32.000 No, that's when he's fat.
01:06:33.000 You got to get him when he's young.
01:06:35.000 You got to get him when he's young.
01:06:36.000 Mark Kerr, huge.
01:06:38.000 Just find an image of him when he was just unbelievably huge.
01:06:41.000 So anyway, this documentary, they start doing this documentary, and along the lines...
01:06:45.000 It exposes his drug use.
01:06:47.000 And he's open when he shoots up right in front of these people.
01:06:50.000 And they capture this guy completely spiraling out of control.
01:06:54.000 They just come in at the right moment as they're filming this documentary and catch this guy who's one of the best fighters in the world completely spiraling.
01:07:02.000 On camera, shooting up.
01:07:04.000 You gotta just get a picture of him when he was in his prime.
01:07:08.000 There's some photos of him fighting in the UFC. Yeah, that's him.
01:07:13.000 Holy cow.
01:07:14.000 Oh, that doesn't work.
01:07:16.000 Look at the size of that motherfucker.
01:07:18.000 I mean, that was when they were calling him the smashing machine.
01:07:22.000 He was 265 pounds of American muscle and Mexican supplements.
01:07:27.000 And he was smashing people.
01:07:30.000 But along the way, he developed an addiction to, I believe it was opiates.
01:07:34.000 I think he was shooting up.
01:07:36.000 Look how fucking big he was, dude.
01:07:38.000 Are you shitting me?
01:07:39.000 And did he just kind of take himself out or did he get beat and go down on it?
01:07:42.000 He started going down.
01:07:43.000 He started getting beat while he was doing drugs.
01:07:45.000 He was having a real drug problem and he was fighting while he was addicted to drugs.
01:07:50.000 Okay.
01:07:50.000 I think he eventually went and became a car salesman.
01:07:53.000 But I think it's an important documentary.
01:07:56.000 It's an important, not just from the point of view of someone who...
01:08:00.000 He's having a serious problem with drugs, but it's also steroids.
01:08:05.000 He was absolutely on massive amounts of steroids.
01:08:08.000 He was also fighting in MMA, which is the thing about traumatic brain injuries and punches and kicks that you take.
01:08:16.000 Sometimes the cumulative damage can lead these guys to be really depressed and suicidal.
01:08:22.000 Crazy.
01:08:23.000 If they sustain too much damage, if they're not really careful about it, if they don't give themselves enough time to recover, they can get really depressed.
01:08:30.000 So here's this guy taking shots to the head all the time, taking morphine or heroin or whatever the fuck he's taking, you know, and they caught him in this documentary.
01:08:38.000 Perfect timing for him.
01:08:39.000 Right when it all fell apart.
01:08:41.000 They came in thinking he was the baddest motherfucker on earth, and they left with this really in-depth piece on a guy whose life is being absorbed by drugs.
01:08:51.000 Drugs are just stealing his life, just taking it in little pieces.
01:08:55.000 Let's check that out.
01:08:56.000 He wound up fighting later in his career, like no steroids, no drugs, a completely different body.
01:09:01.000 He looked like a guy just stepped out of a bar.
01:09:03.000 It was really strange.
01:09:04.000 How'd he do at the end?
01:09:05.000 Terrible.
01:09:06.000 He's getting destroyed.
01:09:07.000 Pull up a picture of Mark Kerr fat.
01:09:11.000 I like the guy.
01:09:12.000 I'm not teasing him.
01:09:13.000 I mean, this is just the reality of who he was at the end.
01:09:17.000 Look at him.
01:09:18.000 That's what he looked like at the end.
01:09:20.000 Quite a difference.
01:09:21.000 Yeah.
01:09:22.000 Oh, the before and after.
01:09:23.000 It was incredible.
01:09:24.000 And I saw him fight a couple times live when he was in that state, and I saw him fight live when he was the destroyer.
01:09:31.000 You know, it was shocking.
01:09:33.000 Really shocking stuff.
01:09:35.000 But, you know, that world is shocking.
01:09:37.000 It's a crazy world.
01:09:38.000 The world of fighting with your body.
01:09:40.000 Do you think eventually they're going to get to the point where...
01:09:43.000 Because usually guys are losing their three of their last four or their last three and then they retire.
01:09:47.000 Is it going to get to a point where UFC is going to step in and be like, yeah, we're just going to go ahead and make a decision for you?
01:09:53.000 Oh, they certainly have.
01:09:54.000 They've done that to many fighters.
01:09:55.000 Yeah?
01:09:55.000 Yeah, they've retired quite a few fighters.
01:09:57.000 Chuck Liddell is the most obvious example.
01:10:00.000 Right.
01:10:01.000 Because he was one of the greatest champions ever.
01:10:03.000 And Dana and him are very good friends.
01:10:04.000 And at the end of Chuck's career...
01:10:06.000 Chuck asked for one more fight.
01:10:08.000 He wanted to fight Rich Franklin.
01:10:09.000 He lost that fight.
01:10:10.000 And he's like, that's it.
01:10:11.000 We're good.
01:10:12.000 That's it.
01:10:12.000 I've got to step away.
01:10:13.000 So he realized it was time.
01:10:15.000 Was that Arnold?
01:10:17.000 Arnold's 60. What's the brother going to do?
01:10:19.000 He also doesn't look like that now.
01:10:20.000 He also is training for the Conan movie.
01:10:23.000 Oh, thank goodness.
01:10:24.000 Is he doing a King Conan, finally?
01:10:26.000 Yes.
01:10:26.000 King Conan.
01:10:27.000 Oh, that's right.
01:10:28.000 You're a Robert E. Howard fan.
01:10:29.000 Yeah.
01:10:30.000 Did we talk about Robert E. Howard last time on your podcast?
01:10:32.000 I don't think so, but that was my goal.
01:10:35.000 I've been watching the first two Conan movies and even read Sonya back in the day.
01:10:38.000 I'm like, I want to write King Conan.
01:10:39.000 I never got to the point where I could talk to anybody, have any contacts.
01:10:43.000 I'm like, that movie's got to get made because it's perfect now.
01:10:45.000 He's the perfect age for it.
01:10:46.000 It could be spectacular.
01:10:47.000 Yeah, folks don't know that Robert E. Howard made Conan in many different eras.
01:10:51.000 It wasn't just young, virile, powerful Conan.
01:10:54.000 He also made King Conan when Conan was the king of Samaria?
01:10:58.000 I think so.
01:10:59.000 Conan the Samarian, yeah.
01:11:01.000 Well, he was the Samarian, but I don't think he was the king of that.
01:11:03.000 I think he took over some new place.
01:11:05.000 I don't remember.
01:11:06.000 I don't remember either.
01:11:07.000 They were great fucking books, though.
01:11:08.000 Those books sort of, in my mind, kind of defined my childhood when I really got...
01:11:15.000 Fascinated with fantasy and that kind of shit.
01:11:17.000 It was the Robert E. Howard books.
01:11:20.000 Was it Call the Conqueror?
01:11:21.000 Call the Conqueror?
01:11:22.000 Yeah.
01:11:22.000 That was so good.
01:11:23.000 The Cyclops in that movie.
01:11:25.000 Well, the movie was just a shit version of the books, really.
01:11:29.000 Yeah, the movie was fine, but it's probably dated now.
01:11:32.000 If you probably watch it now, you'd hate it.
01:11:34.000 Yeah, I don't go back and watch the movies.
01:11:37.000 The sci-fi movies I loved when I was a kid, with the exception of Predator and Aliens, just don't watch them anymore.
01:11:42.000 You can't.
01:11:42.000 It ruins everything.
01:11:43.000 You really can't.
01:11:44.000 But Robert E. Howard created...
01:11:47.000 Some amazing Conan books that never really have been captured correctly.
01:11:51.000 They did a little bit better with the new Conan, the new guy.
01:11:55.000 Oh, yeah?
01:11:56.000 I think the new guy is, first of all...
01:11:58.000 Jason Momoa?
01:11:59.000 Yeah.
01:11:59.000 Way more realistic.
01:12:01.000 Way more like the actual Conan.
01:12:03.000 He's an enormous guy.
01:12:04.000 He's not like a bodybuilder.
01:12:06.000 Go to the new Conan guy, Jason Momoa.
01:12:09.000 I met him in the UFC, too.
01:12:10.000 Very nice guy.
01:12:11.000 And he's fucking huge.
01:12:13.000 This kid is like 6'6", just this perfect specimen of manhood.
01:12:17.000 He's never going to make it out alive.
01:12:19.000 He's going to fuck so much that he's going to die.
01:12:22.000 There's no way he can avoid it.
01:12:24.000 Here lie Jason Momoa, he fucked himself to death.
01:12:26.000 He fucked himself to death.
01:12:27.000 He's 6'6", and he's a beautiful man.
01:12:29.000 And he's a movie star.
01:12:31.000 There's no way.
01:12:32.000 There's no way he gets it together.
01:12:33.000 Look at that.
01:12:34.000 Get the fuck out of here.
01:12:35.000 Just get the fuck out of here.
01:12:36.000 Come on.
01:12:37.000 I didn't watch the new one.
01:12:39.000 I didn't watch the new one because I just didn't want the old one to be...
01:12:41.000 I didn't want them to sully the original Conan because I'm a giant fan of them.
01:12:44.000 They only sullied it in like half the movie.
01:12:48.000 If you could just cut out half the movie and have that movie have no ending and like...
01:12:53.000 It was a good effort.
01:12:55.000 It was a good attempt.
01:12:56.000 I think ultimately what Conan needs and deserves is that guy is the perfect Conan.
01:13:01.000 He's a good actor.
01:13:02.000 He looks like a savage.
01:13:04.000 Keep that.
01:13:04.000 Keep him as the Conan.
01:13:06.000 And just get a real writer who's a real fucking crazy person who can come up with something badass and follow the Robert E. Howard script.
01:13:15.000 Follow what that guy...
01:13:16.000 And then do it through the eyes of a real visionary.
01:13:19.000 Get a real James Cameron type dude or a...
01:13:21.000 How about Martin Scorsese does Conan?
01:13:24.000 How about you have a movie where it's like a really dark fantasy movie that plays out like a real film instead of plays out like some bullshit comic book?
01:13:34.000 That's always the thing that's confused the crap out of me with the crappy Marvel movies that made when I was a kid.
01:13:39.000 Like why?
01:13:40.000 Or the old Spider-Man TV show when I was a little kid.
01:13:43.000 I'm like, when is he going to fight a supervillain?
01:13:46.000 I don't give a shit if he's stopping bank robbers.
01:13:48.000 And it never made any sense to me that comic books tell these stories that are massively popular.
01:13:54.000 Why don't you just tell that story?
01:13:56.000 Why do you think you have to reinvent everything?
01:13:58.000 And the Conan books would be a similar thing.
01:14:00.000 This already entertained a large percentage of the planet at one time.
01:14:04.000 It's not dated because there's no 19th century technology.
01:14:07.000 It's tell the same friggin' story.
01:14:09.000 Yeah, tell the story, and now with the new technology, the fucking monsters can be insane.
01:14:14.000 Did you see The Hobbit?
01:14:15.000 No, I haven't seen The Hobbit yet.
01:14:17.000 Oh, that dragon is worth seeing the whole movie just to see that dragon.
01:14:22.000 That reminds me, that's what I wanted to...
01:14:24.000 I haven't seen it, but one of the funniest things ever is when news reporters have to talk about that movie, because that smog sounds, they always go, Smaug!
01:14:31.000 Up next, the distillations of Smaug, and they always say, Smaug!
01:14:36.000 Smaug!
01:14:37.000 I want to tell you, since the last...
01:14:39.000 Speaking of monsters, because we're closing in on the option for Nocturnal, one of my books, that's going to be done by Lloyd Levin as a TV show.
01:14:46.000 And he's the guy who did Hellboy and Hellboy 2. Fucking A, man.
01:14:49.000 Dude knows his monsters like nobody's business.
01:14:52.000 That's amazing.
01:14:54.000 Congratulations.
01:14:55.000 Thank you.
01:14:55.000 But this happened because of your show.
01:14:58.000 We had...
01:14:58.000 One of your listeners' name is Nicky Montezaman.
01:15:03.000 Is that right now?
01:15:05.000 Yeah.
01:15:05.000 Yeah, Nikki Montezaman.
01:15:06.000 She works for a woman named Lucy Steele, who's an agent at the Paradigm Agency in New York.
01:15:12.000 So I was on your show.
01:15:13.000 Nikki heard it and said, wow, that nocturnal sounds really cool.
01:15:16.000 Whoa.
01:15:16.000 And reads it.
01:15:17.000 And then goes to her boss and says, I think this is significant.
01:15:21.000 You need to read it.
01:15:22.000 Her boss reads it.
01:15:23.000 Lucy reads it, contacts my print agent.
01:15:25.000 We were done with our current film agent at the time.
01:15:28.000 We'd worked together five years.
01:15:29.000 Great guy, but we didn't make anything happen.
01:15:31.000 So time to change something.
01:15:32.000 So we talked to Lucy...
01:15:34.000 Lucy takes over, and now we're not only almost closed on Nocturnal, but then the people who make Justified and Elementary are closing in an option for the Infected series, of which Pandemic is the last book.
01:15:50.000 That's incredible.
01:15:50.000 So this lady's kicking ass, and it came because of Nikki listening to your show.
01:15:54.000 That's incredible.
01:15:55.000 Cut to three years from now, Scott's on coke.
01:15:57.000 Yeah.
01:15:58.000 Laying in his mansion, in his underwear.
01:16:01.000 Doing a new Red Sonja remake with Miley Cyrus.
01:16:05.000 Smashing the champagne bottle on the ground because there's nothing left.
01:16:09.000 Fuck!
01:16:10.000 Where's my fucking drink?
01:16:12.000 So, just a quick thank you out to Nikki if she's listening to this.
01:16:15.000 That's amazing.
01:16:15.000 Just one person listening to it running up the tree has changed a lot of things for us.
01:16:19.000 Well, that's all it takes, right?
01:16:20.000 I mean, like I said, your product is amazing.
01:16:22.000 I've gotten nothing but positive responses from people that read your book after you came on the podcast the first time.
01:16:28.000 People need to find out about it.
01:16:30.000 So now they will.
01:16:30.000 Good.
01:16:31.000 That's going to be crazy, man.
01:16:32.000 Well, if we get, you know, and of course, either one of the TV shows could not happen, which is how things work in Hollywood.
01:16:38.000 If you get super rich, you're going to buy a baller spot in San Francisco?
01:16:41.000 Oh, yeah.
01:16:41.000 Are you kidding?
01:16:42.000 Like a whole block?
01:16:43.000 I don't know about San Francisco, but if you get super rich, you could buy basically your own small country in Michigan and call it Detroit because it's already named.
01:16:50.000 You could buy the whole thing.
01:16:51.000 But again, you'd have to be in Detroit.
01:16:53.000 You'd be cold as hell.
01:16:54.000 Baller castles built in the middle of San Francisco.
01:16:57.000 Pretty sweet.
01:16:58.000 You know, like you've ever been to Stephen King's place in Maine?
01:17:01.000 Nope.
01:17:01.000 When I used to work in Maine, when I used to do stand-up, I used to do a gig in Bangor, and you couldn't go to Bangor without driving by Stephen King's house.
01:17:08.000 You had to, just to know that's where Stephen King lives, man.
01:17:10.000 Right, right.
01:17:11.000 Because he had this giant cast iron...
01:17:13.000 Isn't that old Mark Twain's old house?
01:17:15.000 Did he buy Mark Twain's house?
01:17:15.000 Did he?
01:17:16.000 I think that's Mark Twain's house.
01:17:18.000 I'm not sure about that.
01:17:18.000 Mark Twain lived in Maine?
01:17:20.000 I could be wrong.
01:17:21.000 It's what I've heard.
01:17:22.000 But continue.
01:17:22.000 Continue.
01:17:23.000 Well, he has, like, you can tell it's his house.
01:17:25.000 He has this wrought iron fence outside of his house and has, like, gargoyles and shit on it.
01:17:29.000 Oh, sweet.
01:17:29.000 It's pretty obvious to anybody who comes by.
01:17:31.000 Well, it's a big house, too.
01:17:33.000 But it's not ridiculous.
01:17:35.000 Like, he doesn't have, like, a castle.
01:17:37.000 He lives in a nice big house.
01:17:38.000 He doesn't have 27 rooms or something like that.
01:17:41.000 Not really.
01:17:42.000 I mean, it's a very nice house, but it's nothing crazy.
01:17:45.000 Like, I guess that's how he fits in up there.
01:17:46.000 Because, you know, Bangor is a fairly modest environment, a fairly modest city.
01:17:51.000 That's his house, yeah.
01:17:52.000 Nice.
01:17:52.000 So you drive by and you see this metal fence with the gargoyles on it.
01:17:56.000 See if you can get a photo of the...
01:17:57.000 But, you know, the thing you wonder about that is he's got...
01:18:01.000 Some crazy fans.
01:18:03.000 And that's 20 feet from the sidewalk to the front door.
01:18:05.000 Yeah.
01:18:17.000 Everywhere.
01:18:18.000 He probably has poison everywhere.
01:18:20.000 I would hire ninjas to just practice on people who come over the fence.
01:18:24.000 Dudes with swords.
01:18:25.000 I wouldn't fuck around.
01:18:26.000 Guys on the roof, see the roof?
01:18:28.000 Crossbows.
01:18:29.000 Nice and silent.
01:18:30.000 Poison arrows.
01:18:31.000 Just put a friggin' samurai in the front porch.
01:18:33.000 Just announce that this is what's going to happen to you.
01:18:35.000 That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
01:18:36.000 Yeah, but a devil zombie samurai is what he would have.
01:18:39.000 Actually, that's the name of my next book.
01:18:41.000 Devil zombie samurai hooker by Scott Sigler.
01:18:45.000 Because you need that heart of gold in there to sell the book right.
01:18:47.000 Yeah, you can't just have a devil, zombie, samurai.
01:18:50.000 Who am I rooting for?
01:18:50.000 They're all cunts.
01:18:51.000 You have a cunty, cunty, cunt.
01:18:53.000 But if you have it, you know, heart of gold.
01:18:55.000 Ex-hooker?
01:18:57.000 Yeah.
01:18:57.000 Now you're talking.
01:18:58.000 There's a good story there.
01:18:59.000 She did it because her dad had cancer.
01:19:00.000 How about that?
01:19:01.000 That's why she did it.
01:19:02.000 She needed money.
01:19:02.000 Her dad had cancer.
01:19:03.000 How do you root against that?
01:19:04.000 Can't root against it, man.
01:19:05.000 Plus, samurai zombie.
01:19:06.000 Plus, what's really wrong with hookers?
01:19:08.000 Let's stop.
01:19:09.000 Let's leave them alone.
01:19:10.000 Yes, yes.
01:19:11.000 Let's be nice with them.
01:19:11.000 No, I have no problem with this issue.
01:19:14.000 Well, there it is.
01:19:15.000 So that's how the Scott Sigler legend was launched.
01:19:18.000 Yes.
01:19:18.000 And apparently we already know how it's going to end with a zombie samurai hooker in a smash champagne bottle and a baller pad in San Francisco.
01:19:24.000 It could end like that or the artificially intelligent robots could take over first and we have...
01:19:29.000 If I get rich, the first thing I'm doing is investing in Google so they don't kill me.
01:19:33.000 Yeah, and concrete, because the robots are going to eat concrete, remember?
01:19:36.000 Okay, okay.
01:19:36.000 They're going to eat buildings.
01:19:37.000 A lot of concrete around.
01:19:38.000 Here you go, boys.
01:19:39.000 I'll be over here.
01:19:40.000 I wonder if it would be...
01:19:41.000 I mean, Google, by all...
01:19:43.000 If you look at what they've done, they don't seem to have done anything evil.
01:19:48.000 They seem to be very conscientious.
01:19:50.000 Very rich and wealthy, but also very conscientious.
01:19:53.000 You always hear about how great their campus is and how people who work there really enjoy the environment.
01:19:59.000 There's a guy who works at Google who's a guy, but in the daytime he decided he wants to be a woman.
01:20:04.000 So he shows up at work, dressed as a woman, and then changes at the end of the day and goes home and he's a man again.
01:20:09.000 And so they changed his name at work.
01:20:12.000 They totally accepted it.
01:20:13.000 The guy's married and has kids and he's a wife.
01:20:15.000 You know, he has a wife.
01:20:17.000 And when he gets home, he becomes a man again.
01:20:19.000 But while he's at work, he decided that he wants to be a woman.
01:20:21.000 They're like, okay.
01:20:22.000 Doesn't surprise.
01:20:23.000 From what I know of Google, that doesn't surprise me.
01:20:25.000 Like, do you still get your work done?
01:20:26.000 Yeah.
01:20:26.000 We could give a shit.
01:20:27.000 I like it.
01:20:28.000 We don't care.
01:20:28.000 I think it's good.
01:20:29.000 As long as he's not crazy.
01:20:30.000 He doesn't even fucking dwell on it.
01:20:32.000 It's weird.
01:20:33.000 Secret world of men who dress like dolls.
01:20:35.000 I don't think that's the same story.
01:20:36.000 That's creepy.
01:20:38.000 Equally creepy.
01:20:39.000 That one Google might be, yeah, we're going to have to have a meeting about this.
01:20:43.000 Dressing up like the doll is distracting, so let's have a meeting.
01:20:48.000 Yeah, that's way creepier.
01:20:49.000 Dressing up like a woman is like, okay, I guess you wanted to know.
01:20:52.000 Have you ever had the fantasy?
01:20:54.000 What would you do if you could be a woman for a day?
01:20:58.000 Apparently work at Google.
01:21:00.000 Yeah, work at Google and put a mask on.
01:21:02.000 Or be a fake robot.
01:21:06.000 People are fucking weird, man.
01:21:08.000 The things that people enjoy, you know...
01:21:11.000 Yeah, whatever floats the boat.
01:21:12.000 Yeah.
01:21:13.000 As long as nobody's getting hurt.
01:21:14.000 Exactly.
01:21:14.000 Yeah.
01:21:15.000 As long as you're not being an asshole.
01:21:16.000 When you start writing a book, do you, like, sit down and, like, say, okay, I want to figure out something to write about, or do you just have, like, a flash of...
01:21:28.000 Inspiration and then record it, write it down, and then take off with it.
01:21:32.000 How do you start a book?
01:21:33.000 Mine is more structured.
01:21:36.000 The ones I write for Random House, they're thrillers with a lot of horror and sci-fi in them.
01:21:43.000 But the thriller structure is things are planned out to get to this really crazy over-the-top ending.
01:21:48.000 So a lot of times I'll have the concept, then I'll try and work through a loose structure to come up with an ending that's going to be just balls out spectacular, and then sort of work backwards from there.
01:21:57.000 So if I do that correctly, if I reverse outline it correctly, by the time and go from, this is insane, I would never buy into this, to this is a guy having a cup of coffee at his kitchen table in the morning, It feels like a seamless transition.
01:22:11.000 You never notice that I'm gradually upping the level of madness until you get to that crazy end and you're just fully hooked and believing every moment of it.
01:22:19.000 So it's mostly structured.
01:22:20.000 I don't think I have it in me to just write and then let it go and see where the story goes because I need to have 30 or 40 threads that all funnel towards that last ending.
01:22:32.000 Even Pandemic, which is the third book in a series, it goes Infected, then Contagious, then Pandemic.
01:22:39.000 Right.
01:22:57.000 It was, it's largely, the end of pandemic's just apeshit crazy.
01:23:01.000 It's the whole world screwed.
01:23:03.000 And you had to come up with, how do I do this much damage and then work it back from there?
01:23:08.000 So it all feels like it flows together naturally.
01:23:10.000 When you talk to other authors, is there like several different schools of thought as far as creating a story?
01:23:14.000 Because I know Stephen King, which I found really fascinating, his book on writing.
01:23:18.000 Did you read it?
01:23:18.000 Yep.
01:23:19.000 It's like a Bible.
01:23:20.000 It's great.
01:23:20.000 Really, really good book.
01:23:22.000 What I found fascinating is that he doesn't have a structure at all.
01:23:25.000 He just starts writing.
01:23:26.000 I heard an interview with a writer named Joe Abercrombie interviewed George R.R. Martin, the Game of Thrones author.
01:23:33.000 And Joe Abercrombie's stuff, if you like fantasies, ridiculously good.
01:23:37.000 And of course, George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones.
01:23:39.000 And George R.R. Martin described it.
01:23:40.000 I don't know if he came up with this, but this is where I heard it.
01:23:42.000 He said, there's two kinds of writers.
01:23:43.000 There's the gardener and there's the architect.
01:23:46.000 And he's a gardener and Stephen King are a gardener.
01:23:48.000 Where they put the seed in the ground and they cultivate it.
01:23:51.000 Then they just let it grow wherever it grows.
01:23:53.000 I like this vine.
01:23:54.000 I'm going to follow this vine.
01:23:54.000 I like this flower.
01:23:55.000 I'm going to follow this flower.
01:23:56.000 Whereas the architect, which is more like Tom Clancy or my stories, you blueprint.
01:24:02.000 And then you build the foundation.
01:24:04.000 Then you build the framework.
01:24:05.000 And then gradually, okay, now we're going to put in electrical.
01:24:08.000 Now we're going to put in plumbing.
01:24:09.000 Now we're going to put in drywall.
01:24:10.000 Now we're going to finish it.
01:24:11.000 Now we're going to paint it.
01:24:12.000 You know what it's going to look like before it's done, but there's all the work to make it complete.
01:24:16.000 So those are the two kind of writers, and King's definitely in the garden of variety.
01:24:19.000 He just lets that shit roll.
01:24:21.000 That's fascinating.
01:24:22.000 Have you ever tried to do it that way, or do you enjoy the structure aspect of it?
01:24:27.000 Have you thought about doing it different ways?
01:24:29.000 I mostly enjoy the Tetris game of getting it all to come out, and it's really a love-hate relationship, because if you're as anal retentive about, like, this has to—you have to feel closure at the end of this book, and I have to tie up all the threads— When you do that,
01:24:46.000 as you're working through, some of the characters change who they are, and all of a sudden you're like, okay, now this guy would never do this thing.
01:24:52.000 He would never go into the haunted house alone.
01:24:54.000 He just wouldn't do it.
01:24:55.000 And then you have to say, all right, how do I get around that?
01:24:57.000 And it usually breaks stuff.
01:24:58.000 So you have to tear the building down and go back and build it up all over again.
01:25:01.000 And when I do that with the book Nocturnal, I was just talking about my business partner, A. Kovacs, had to deal with me.
01:25:08.000 I was miserable for like six months because I wrote...
01:25:12.000 Three full drafts, and at the end of every full draft, I'm like, this doesn't work.
01:25:15.000 This is not believable.
01:25:16.000 I could not get through this book and go, that's what would happen.
01:25:19.000 So I had to rip it all down and start over and move all the parts around again.
01:25:22.000 And I never thought I would get it.
01:25:24.000 I was like, I'll never get this right.
01:25:25.000 This will never work out with this concept that I have.
01:25:28.000 And I finally got it to work with some great help from Julian Pavia, who's my editor at Random House.
01:25:33.000 We finally got it figured out, but I was friggin' miserable.
01:25:37.000 So I would like, eventually I want to get to the Gardner phase.
01:25:39.000 I just...
01:25:39.000 Whee!
01:25:40.000 Wherever it goes, it doesn't matter.
01:25:41.000 Let's just have fun.
01:25:42.000 Do you get mad when you read a book that's kind of piss poor from an author that you really respect?
01:25:46.000 Totally.
01:25:48.000 There's so many authors in so many books right now.
01:25:51.000 This is why I work so hard to make my stuff so tight and so refined.
01:25:55.000 It's very admirable.
01:25:56.000 I like how you approach it.
01:25:57.000 Well, I look at it from the customer's point of view.
01:25:59.000 If you drop 24 bucks on my own book and you can tell I phoned it in, you're not coming back because I'm not coming back.
01:26:03.000 If I read your book and I'm like, you are being so lazy and you took my money and you didn't work for it, I'll never read that author again.
01:26:11.000 Period.
01:26:11.000 Or you've completed the work.
01:26:13.000 It's not that anybody's being lazy, but sometimes there's a puzzle that people just don't have the effort to solve.
01:26:18.000 Yeah.
01:26:18.000 But it's not that they're not working hard, they just didn't complete it.
01:26:21.000 Or they're under deadline.
01:26:22.000 And now I understand more.
01:26:23.000 Like when I was younger, I was much more adamant.
01:26:25.000 I'm like...
01:26:25.000 Fuck you for taking my money, you lazy bastard.
01:26:27.000 Now I understand, like, yeah, there's an axe at the back of your neck saying, we've got to get this book to press right now.
01:26:34.000 Yeah, if you want to get it out by December, you know, for Christmas, you have to, yeah.
01:26:38.000 So that's what people go through a lot.
01:26:39.000 When you think you've read a shoddy work, a lot of times they just ran out of time.
01:26:43.000 They didn't have time to do it.
01:26:44.000 I think it's very cool, though, that you think like that.
01:26:46.000 I think it's very cool that you think about the audience and the people buying.
01:26:50.000 I think that's super important.
01:26:51.000 It adds an element of...
01:26:53.000 You have a connection with them.
01:26:54.000 You're not above them.
01:26:55.000 You're not beyond them.
01:26:56.000 You're part of them.
01:26:57.000 You need them.
01:26:58.000 You appreciate them.
01:26:59.000 And then you respect them as you're writing.
01:27:01.000 You consider them.
01:27:02.000 I think that's big.
01:27:03.000 Maybe this is from being a big reader before the e-book set, but it wasn't that long ago to buy the new Stephen King book for $7.95 in paperback.
01:27:11.000 $7.95 was a chunk of money.
01:27:13.000 You're like, okay, I want this and I'm buying this.
01:27:16.000 It better be good.
01:27:16.000 And then not Stephen King, but somebody else, you buy a book and you're like, I didn't get my money's worth and I worked hard for that money.
01:27:22.000 I've never forgot what that feels like.
01:27:25.000 And even though I still give all my stuff away, everything you can get on my website at scottsigler.com, serialized books for free, or at patiobooks.com.
01:27:34.000 And everything I've published, we give away for free as a serialized audiobook.
01:27:38.000 We run advertising against it, but you listen to the ad at the beginning of the show, just like your show, then you get 30 or 40 minutes of the episode.
01:27:43.000 You don't have to pay for anything, you can listen to it all you want.
01:27:45.000 It's brilliant.
01:27:46.000 Beautiful.
01:27:47.000 A lot of people can't afford, they flat out can't afford books, but they want their story, so that's how they get it.
01:27:51.000 So we do it that way, and then if you actually buy the book, my goal is always you would have paid twice what you paid for it, and you're still happy.
01:27:57.000 That's beautiful, man.
01:27:58.000 That's a great way of looking at things.
01:27:59.000 I love the fact that you give everything away for free, too.
01:28:03.000 Put some ads on it.
01:28:04.000 Who gives a shit?
01:28:04.000 As long as it doesn't interrupt the flow of the book.
01:28:07.000 Just like this podcast, we never do an ad inside the podcast.
01:28:12.000 We don't want to interrupt the flow of the conversation, but I think giving people something for free is important because it's nice.
01:28:19.000 It's nice to do.
01:28:20.000 It's nice.
01:28:21.000 It makes people feel good that they can get your good stuff for free.
01:28:24.000 They can go to scottsigler.com.
01:28:26.000 They can start downloading your audio books, get hooked, have many, many, many more hours of entertainment for fucking free.
01:28:32.000 And then when your new stuff comes out, they want to support you.
01:28:34.000 Yep.
01:28:34.000 That's exactly right.
01:28:35.000 It's organic.
01:28:36.000 A lot of times what happens is a lot of people have money to spend on entertainment and they don't mind spending that money on entertainment if they know they're going to get something good.
01:28:45.000 What pisses people off is to spend their money on something and then find out that they don't actually like the product.
01:28:51.000 So if I give these stories away...
01:28:53.000 You know, that's my competitive advantage over Stephen King.
01:28:57.000 If you go into a bookstore and you see Scott Sigler and Stephen King and you've never heard of me, you're going to buy Stephen King because he's a proven brand.
01:29:01.000 He's a proven storyteller.
01:29:03.000 But if you go into a bookstore and Stephen King's $24.95 and Scott Sigler's free, maybe I'll try this first, then go get the Stephen King.
01:29:09.000 Now I've got a chance for people to try out my stuff.
01:29:11.000 And if they listen to a couple of books and they know what they're getting from then on, then they buy everything that comes out the day it comes out.
01:29:18.000 Yeah, and you miss the viral aspect when you charge people for things.
01:29:23.000 Do you know LA has a radio team?
01:29:27.000 It used to be Frosty, Heidi, and Frank, and now it's just Heidi and Frank.
01:29:31.000 Really nice folks.
01:29:32.000 Very fun people.
01:29:34.000 I've done their show a couple times, and they were on the radio, and they went from the radio to doing a podcast.
01:29:39.000 But they were making their money by charging for the podcast.
01:29:43.000 So they had a good piece of change that was coming in every month, but they couldn't grow.
01:29:46.000 They couldn't grow because no one could find out about them.
01:29:50.000 When you go, hey, there's this team, Mike and fucking Pissface, and they have an awesome podcast, but it costs two bucks.
01:29:58.000 Trust me, it's worth it.
01:29:59.000 Yeah.
01:30:00.000 How good could it be?
01:30:01.000 I can go download Adam Carolla.
01:30:03.000 I'll go download Joey Diaz.
01:30:04.000 Why would I bother spending two bucks for something that I can get for free?
01:30:07.000 That's where it gets weird.
01:30:09.000 The internet has got to be free.
01:30:11.000 Everything's got to be free.
01:30:12.000 If it's not free, it's not going to work.
01:30:15.000 There's too much that is free.
01:30:16.000 There's too many options.
01:30:17.000 You've got to find another way to monetize things.
01:30:19.000 You can't do it the simple knucklehead way of charging for it.
01:30:23.000 That really hasn't...
01:30:24.000 I don't know anybody who's still doing that or anybody who's succeeded at charging for their podcast content.
01:30:28.000 Well, they do.
01:30:29.000 No, they do very well.
01:30:30.000 Do they?
01:30:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:30:31.000 Dan Carlin makes a good chunk of change.
01:30:34.000 He'll get angry with me.
01:30:35.000 Well, I barely make...
01:30:37.000 His podcast should.
01:30:39.000 His podcast is very different because, like your audiobooks, it's more like audiobooks on history, but very dramatic and amazing flair.
01:30:48.000 It really gets you excited about learning...
01:30:51.000 About history.
01:30:52.000 But he charges for like the...
01:30:53.000 He gives you the first 50 for free to get you hooked.
01:30:56.000 And then if you want to get into the databases, once you really get addicted and you've been nothing but Dan Carlin for two months, you run out.
01:31:04.000 And then you're like, what the fuck?
01:31:05.000 And then you start paying money.
01:31:06.000 Well, that's perfectly good, you know?
01:31:09.000 Yeah.
01:31:10.000 But then people know what they're paying for.
01:31:11.000 At that point, people are like, ah, that's totally worth a dollar an episode.
01:31:14.000 I know I'm going to get my money's worth.
01:31:15.000 And then they don't give a shit.
01:31:17.000 That's the same thing that happens with my stuff.
01:31:18.000 Like, once they know what they're going to get...
01:31:20.000 They are perfectly fine paying whatever comes out.
01:31:23.000 Well, you know what'll change it?
01:31:24.000 If everything became like Amazon OneClick, where it's just like your computer has all your credit card information in it, and if you want something, you just click on it, and you go Amazon OneClick.
01:31:33.000 Because the Amazon OneClick would only be slightly more difficult than just clicking on it and downloading it.
01:31:40.000 Slightly more difficult because you've got to pay a dollar.
01:31:43.000 Is this worth a dollar?
01:31:44.000 Sigh.
01:31:44.000 Okay, let's see if it's worth a dollar.
01:31:46.000 Click.
01:31:46.000 It'd be pretty fucking easy to do.
01:31:48.000 But if you want to actually buy it, you've got to go and enter in credit card information, get a PayPal account.
01:31:55.000 There's a lot of fucking steps that you're just not going to do.
01:31:58.000 You're just going to change the tab and go to another website and go download the Nerdist or something like that because it's free.
01:32:04.000 It's hard.
01:32:05.000 It's hard to sell people and buy something.
01:32:06.000 But that just means that people are looking at it from the wrong lens.
01:32:12.000 There's a way to monetize it.
01:32:13.000 And I think your way is the smartest.
01:32:16.000 Give them as much free content as possible.
01:32:18.000 Then they go, wow, this guy's fucking talented.
01:32:20.000 And then they want to support you.
01:32:22.000 Yeah.
01:32:23.000 And there's a lot of...
01:32:24.000 It's putting the decision in their hands.
01:32:27.000 You, the customer, know...
01:32:29.000 What you want to spend your money on.
01:32:31.000 And we honestly don't give a shit.
01:32:32.000 If they just keep downloading all of our books for free and never pay for anything, that's fine.
01:32:36.000 Because at the very least, they're going to go to work or they're going to talk to their friends and go, oh my god, you should have this crazy, gross story I heard called Infected.
01:32:43.000 It's nuts.
01:32:43.000 This guy stabbed himself with a fork for like five pages.
01:32:45.000 It's nuts.
01:32:46.000 And then eventually somebody they're talking to is going to go check it out or just go buy the book.
01:32:50.000 So it's not, you know, it's one where our goal is we entertain people.
01:32:54.000 That's what we do.
01:32:55.000 We take you out of your world, bring you into ours, get rid of all your stress for a little while.
01:32:59.000 That's what we do for a living.
01:33:00.000 Some people want to do that for free.
01:33:02.000 Some people will pay for it.
01:33:03.000 And even the people who get it for free are going to go out.
01:33:05.000 If we're good enough at our jobs, they're going to go out and talk to their friends about it, and we're going to wind up getting that word-of-mouth exposure.
01:33:11.000 But we're big on...
01:33:12.000 We've got a giant chip on our shoulder.
01:33:14.000 I work so hard to make my stuff so good that I can give it to you for free.
01:33:18.000 You're still going to give me money for it.
01:33:20.000 That's a great way of looking at it, too.
01:33:21.000 You know, it's cool about that.
01:33:23.000 It's cool to think that you're also getting, by giving it away for free, you're getting that word-of-mouth exposure, which you would be willing to pay a lot of money for that.
01:33:33.000 I can't compete against the Stephen King.
01:33:36.000 No one's put that kind of marketing money behind me, and we know that.
01:33:38.000 This is a way for us to go out and get new fans and get people to try us out.
01:33:42.000 Yeah, he's like royalty at this point.
01:33:44.000 He's godlike, I'd say more at this point.
01:33:46.000 And super fucking prolific.
01:33:49.000 Jesus Christ, it makes you feel like such a lazy fuck when you see that guy just churning badass book after badass book.
01:33:56.000 It would be one thing if he was totally phoning it in, but he's not.
01:34:00.000 People love these new books.
01:34:02.000 The new books that he's been coming out with, they're still badass.
01:34:05.000 I just read Doctor Sleep, the sequel to The Shining.
01:34:09.000 Really?
01:34:10.000 Yeah, you haven't heard of this?
01:34:11.000 No.
01:34:11.000 It's fucking excellent.
01:34:12.000 It's really good.
01:34:13.000 Whoa.
01:34:14.000 How long ago did you put that out?
01:34:15.000 Oh, it was only...
01:34:17.000 Honestly, it's hard to tell them.
01:34:18.000 He's already got two 800-page novels coming down the pipe, but I'm going to guess it was about three or four months ago.
01:34:24.000 And it is Danny Torrance, the little kid from The Shining, who's now chronologically the same amount of years, so now he's in his early 40s, I think.
01:34:34.000 And then he gets into a whole new perplexing situation.
01:34:37.000 Whoa.
01:34:38.000 Book opens up with him hitting rock bottom as an alcoholic.
01:34:42.000 It's a rough read.
01:34:44.000 Spoiler alert.
01:34:45.000 Yeah, there you go.
01:34:46.000 But it goes to some pretty nutty areas.
01:34:47.000 So yeah, but he's prolific and he's got what he does down to a science.
01:34:51.000 Did you read it?
01:34:52.000 Yeah.
01:34:52.000 Did you enjoy it as much as the original Shining?
01:34:54.000 No, I didn't.
01:34:55.000 No?
01:34:56.000 I didn't.
01:34:56.000 And that's partially because now that he's at such a royalty level...
01:35:01.000 If he doesn't want to edit something, he doesn't have to.
01:35:04.000 And it's the same place George R.R. Martin is.
01:35:07.000 I'm not at that area.
01:35:08.000 I can go up my publisher and say, yep, 800-page novel.
01:35:11.000 They'll say, great, come back when it's 500 pages.
01:35:13.000 And there's no way around it.
01:35:15.000 You know, you've got to go through and refine that.
01:35:16.000 And my editor's helping me make the story better and better.
01:35:19.000 Stephen King, why is he going to listen to anybody, honestly, at this point?
01:35:22.000 If people come back and there's some, you know...
01:35:24.000 25-year-old intern is like, yeah, I think this movement too is too long and he's just shortened up.
01:35:29.000 He's like, I'm Stephen King.
01:35:30.000 I think I know what I'm doing.
01:35:32.000 So the books now have, they don't move quite as fast as they used to move.
01:35:36.000 That's interesting.
01:35:38.000 So you credit the editors with helping you tighten things up?
01:35:42.000 With me, absolutely.
01:35:43.000 I'm a long-winded motherfucker.
01:35:45.000 If you gave me my druthers, every book would be 1,500 pages.
01:35:49.000 You would need a wheelbarrow to carry that thing around.
01:35:51.000 If it wasn't for the editors and the people I work with, like my business partner and everybody else, the books would be just astronomically long.
01:35:57.000 So what kind of relationship is that?
01:35:59.000 That's an interesting relationship.
01:36:01.000 I hate them.
01:36:03.000 I hate them.
01:36:04.000 I'm bitching about one to the other and the other to the other one all the time.
01:36:08.000 But you need them both?
01:36:09.000 Yeah.
01:36:10.000 I stomp around the office a lot.
01:36:13.000 I've got some kettlebells in the office, like, goddamn sons of bitches, and get mad.
01:36:19.000 But it's worked in a good relationship.
01:36:22.000 I hate to admit it, but I bitch a lot during this process because I get so frustrated because I want it to be good.
01:36:28.000 I so badly want it to be perfect, and I want people to read it and walk away like, holy crap, that's the best book I ever read.
01:36:34.000 That's what I'm after every time.
01:36:36.000 So when the editor's coming back going, yeah, this isn't working, I'm like, I've put eight months of work into that thing that you just want to get rid of.
01:36:42.000 You just want to beat the shit out of them.
01:36:43.000 I just want to beat the shit out of them.
01:36:45.000 But they're right.
01:36:46.000 Ultimately, they wind up being right.
01:36:48.000 Well, when you stop listening, you know, your fiction becomes something else.
01:36:52.000 Like the M. Night Shyamalan, you know, the process.
01:36:55.000 Where he was, everything he puts out makes $250 million.
01:36:57.000 At some point, he stops listening to the people around him.
01:36:59.000 Like, yeah, I don't think the village is working out.
01:37:02.000 Maybe we should tweak this.
01:37:02.000 And he's like, I'm M. Night Shyamalan.
01:37:04.000 They don't ever see planes.
01:37:05.000 He doesn't have to listen anymore.
01:37:07.000 Exactly.
01:37:08.000 So I still listen and it's not easy because I got a bit of an ego with the fiction but eventually these people break me down and we make a more refined, better story.
01:37:19.000 That's very honest of you.
01:37:20.000 It's very honest in that approach and I think that's one of the reasons why you're so prolific and successful with your writing is that you have that ability to look at yourself and the entire situation objectively.
01:37:30.000 It's very difficult to do for a creative person.
01:37:32.000 A lot of creative people are really bad at taking criticism.
01:37:35.000 I'm not good at it, but the three primary people involved in the process, my business partner, my agent, and my editor, it's, you know, I trust these people, they're successful at what they do, and at some point when they're telling you something that is directly opposite of what you think,
01:37:51.000 you still have to sit down and be like, I'm going to evaluate what you're saying on its own merits.
01:37:56.000 And it's not like every time I change it.
01:37:58.000 There's stuff I'll be like, fine, don't fucking publish the book if you don't want that in there.
01:38:01.000 I don't give a shit.
01:38:02.000 If that doesn't go in the book, you don't get the book.
01:38:05.000 So there's debate.
01:38:06.000 It's not as simple as you just bring it to them and then they say this is too long and you shorten it up.
01:38:11.000 You sometimes go, no, it's not.
01:38:13.000 So you stand your ground occasionally.
01:38:15.000 How do you know when to stand your ground?
01:38:17.000 There's certain things where, as a storyteller, you might not be able to put into words the impact this moment will have, but you know, in your subconscious kind of, you know that structurally it's going to impact this point, this point, this point, and then the ending.
01:38:33.000 And that if you don't have this moment, that the editor doesn't really end.
01:38:36.000 He's like, who cares what he had for breakfast, for example?
01:38:39.000 It doesn't matter.
01:38:40.000 Like, yes, but when they get to the end...
01:38:43.000 And see that breakfast food again at the end of the book, it's going to tie everything together and it's going to give the reader this sense of completeness in his or her whole soul and they'll be more satisfied with the book.
01:38:53.000 So there are things that I can't really explain or I'll try to explain and they're not listening, but eventually I'm just like, I know this works and that's got to go in there and that's just the end of the story.
01:39:03.000 But then, part of the give and take is, you know, there's some quid pro quo, and I've had my editor come back.
01:39:10.000 Okay, you can keep that, but if you keep that, you've got to give up this.
01:39:14.000 Wow.
01:39:15.000 And he'll set it up, and then I'll just get furious as shit.
01:39:19.000 Do you think you'll ever get rid of him?
01:39:23.000 Do you think you'll ever be like, listen, bitch, I got this.
01:39:26.000 With the technology of e-books, couldn't you just take those chunks, those huge chunks that they tell you to take out and make it kind of like a director's cut?
01:39:33.000 Like, hey, you buy the e-book and I'm also giving you this whole thing I worked on, this storyline that they told me to cut out.
01:39:38.000 Well, we did that with my book, Ancestor.
01:39:40.000 We had the final book from Crown, which is Random House, and then there was like 50 pages they cut out at the beginning.
01:39:47.000 Like, you don't need all that.
01:39:48.000 The story starts here.
01:39:49.000 Oh.
01:39:50.000 And the general rule of thumb is you want to start as far into the story as you possibly can.
01:39:53.000 But then I took those 50 pages and recorded them as a podcast and give them away.
01:39:57.000 So it's kind of the same thing.
01:40:01.000 Pandemic's the last book I'm doing with Random House, and my agent's taking a new book out called Flyer.
01:40:06.000 As of like today, literally today, he's starting to pitch it.
01:40:09.000 So we wind up with Random House again.
01:40:10.000 I may have the same guy or I may wind up with somebody else.
01:40:13.000 I've been super lucky in that I've had the same hardworking editor for all five books, which from what I've told is almost never happens to anybody.
01:40:22.000 So I've been the same guy.
01:40:24.000 So now he knows what I'm going for and he knows my style and he knows how to manage me to some regard.
01:40:29.000 And he knows when to ignore me when I'm calling him names and stuff like that.
01:40:32.000 So it's been an awesome, awesome experience with him.
01:40:35.000 So you have an editor, you have an agent that also reads it as well?
01:40:38.000 How many different people read it before you...
01:40:40.000 Basically three.
01:40:41.000 Basically three.
01:40:41.000 My business partner tends to read everything first and take her feedback.
01:40:48.000 She has less feedback than the editor, but the feedback she brings back is more significant.
01:40:53.000 So I'll pay attention to that.
01:40:55.000 And then the agent usually only manages the first 80 pages.
01:40:58.000 He's got crazy ADD. And I'm like, you have to read the whole book.
01:41:01.000 If you want to be part of the process, you've got to read the whole book.
01:41:04.000 I promise I'm going to read the whole book.
01:41:05.000 Then like the last five drafts, first 80 pages, that's all he gets through.
01:41:08.000 Well, if you want to be one of those wheeler-dealer type agents, you've got to have that sort of mentality.
01:41:12.000 He's very good at what he does.
01:41:15.000 Let's make a deal, Scott Sigler!
01:41:17.000 But all he cares about is he knows if I get this much of the book set up, he knows the sales process.
01:41:22.000 If you buy into the first 50 pages, he can sell the book.
01:41:25.000 Then your editors can fix the rest of it.
01:41:26.000 So he's not that invested in the full length of the book.
01:41:29.000 And then the real work is done with Julian, the guy over at Crown Random House, who reads, not only does he read it all the way through, he's reading it all the way through five times and having to pay close attention.
01:41:40.000 We're talking like 500-page books.
01:41:42.000 And he has to pay super close attention every time, and I could not do his job at all.
01:41:47.000 Now, when you structure your stories, do you use a software program?
01:41:50.000 Do you use index cards on a bulletin board?
01:41:53.000 Like, how do you set up where you're moving all your pieces in your Tetris game?
01:41:58.000 I use two things.
01:41:59.000 We do use...
01:42:00.000 I got a magnetic whiteboard in the office and right on the index cards and put them all up with that.
01:42:06.000 And sometimes, you know, strings between the cards, that kind of thing.
01:42:09.000 That's the general getting it all down the flow.
01:42:12.000 And then I use a program called Scrivener, which people can use for Mac or PC. And it's basically the same thing.
01:42:19.000 It's little index cards in the computer.
01:42:20.000 And there's an index card that represents a document.
01:42:24.000 Each document is a chapter.
01:42:25.000 Right?
01:42:25.000 But it's great.
01:42:26.000 It's better than Microsoft Word because Microsoft Word, once you get past 100 pages, 200 pages, you're copying big chunks and moving around, and it becomes a nightmare because you're going to screw something up.
01:42:38.000 But Scrivener, you just grab this icon and drag it before this icon.
01:42:41.000 It rearranges everything.
01:42:42.000 So I've gotten pretty adept at using that.
01:42:43.000 I highly recommend it.
01:42:45.000 It's great for scatterbrain to keep everything flowing.
01:42:47.000 And then a lot of times it'll just be, you know, I get overwhelmed with the screen and everything going on, and I'll just pull out the 3x5 index cards and start writing everything down again.
01:42:56.000 Bullet points on those, put them up on the board, and go through it that way.
01:42:59.000 So you like to do it digitally, you like to do it manually, you like to just mix it up and constantly keep doing it in a different way that keeps your brain moving?
01:43:08.000 Yeah, what I find is when you get stuck, there's a couple different things.
01:43:12.000 Number one, if you're just staring at that screen and you're stuck, just getting your hands involved in a pen, just an ink pen and paper...
01:43:18.000 It's a tactile experience.
01:43:19.000 It's a different experience.
01:43:20.000 It activates different parts of your brain.
01:43:22.000 Sometimes you're like, oh, now I get it.
01:43:23.000 Now I see what I was stuck on.
01:43:25.000 So that's part of it.
01:43:26.000 And other parts of it is there's only so much screen real estate, so you can only see so many things at one time.
01:43:32.000 If you're really stuck, you pull back, write all these index cards, you put it up on this four-foot by five-foot whiteboard, and you kind of look at everything.
01:43:39.000 That can spring your brain free at times, too.
01:43:42.000 So largely, it's grabbing whatever.
01:43:44.000 If I get stuck in one area, I'll start going to other areas.
01:43:48.000 And when I get really overwhelmed and frustrated, I am more comfortable slipping back into the eight-year-old version of me, which is a little piece of paper and some notes or an index card, and go back and just write it out until it all kind of flows out of the page.
01:44:02.000 So as long as the process is just continuing over and over and over again.
01:44:05.000 Yeah, that's Scrivener.
01:44:06.000 Yeah, I use that for jokes.
01:44:09.000 Oh, do you really?
01:44:09.000 Do you really?
01:44:10.000 Yeah.
01:44:10.000 I use a couple different things.
01:44:13.000 One, I use a real chalkboard, or a real corkboard, rather.
01:44:17.000 And I have index cards, and I put them up with pins.
01:44:19.000 And I have bits.
01:44:20.000 I have one star, two star, and three star.
01:44:24.000 One star is a completely new bit.
01:44:25.000 Two stars is a bit that's still improving.
01:44:27.000 Three stars is a bit that's pretty close to being done.
01:44:30.000 Okay.
01:44:30.000 They always grow and change and get weird, and there's always new directions they take on in certain shows.
01:44:35.000 Because I mix them up, too.
01:44:37.000 I mix up the order of the different pieces inside the bit, try to figure out which way it works.
01:44:43.000 And I like Scrivener because I can take those cards and just move them around.
01:44:46.000 And sometimes, when I'm just studying, just thinking about my act, maybe I'll listen to recordings...
01:44:52.000 It's one of the most uncomfortable parts of stand-up, but I think one of the most important.
01:44:56.000 You've got to listen and see yourself and listen to like, ooh, I don't like how I did that.
01:45:01.000 There's too much bullshit in that joke and that this joke is kind of clunky and the wording's not good or the inflection is too fake or what have you.
01:45:10.000 So that process is...
01:45:13.000 Aided by that.
01:45:14.000 And one of the things that I really love I was going to ask you about is Right Room.
01:45:17.000 You ever use Right Room?
01:45:18.000 I've used it just on the phone?
01:45:19.000 No, Right Room is the one that takes your entire screen and makes it black and gives you that green text.
01:45:24.000 Well, Scrivener will do that to you.
01:45:25.000 Oh, does it really?
01:45:26.000 Scrivener's got a whiteout or a blackout feature.
01:45:28.000 Oh, nice.
01:45:28.000 And it gets rid of everything on the screen except what you're reading.
01:45:31.000 So kind of the same thing.
01:45:32.000 Oh, okay, cool.
01:45:33.000 Yeah.
01:45:33.000 Well, Right Room doesn't give you access to anything.
01:45:36.000 You can't go to the toolbar.
01:45:37.000 You can't see what time it is.
01:45:38.000 You don't get shit.
01:45:39.000 That's Right Room.
01:45:40.000 That's what it looks like.
01:45:41.000 I really, really like it.
01:45:42.000 It's my favorite.
01:45:44.000 It's something I probably need to start using more in Scrivener because I get distracted trying to stay in touch with social media and everything else.
01:45:49.000 And if you're on the computer and a fan is asking a question, the natural impulse is to go answer that question.
01:45:55.000 So, you know, getting to a point where I can just ignore all that.
01:45:57.000 But I was just in Vegas for the New Media Expo, and when I really get into it, and I was under deadline, so I started writing at noon.
01:46:06.000 We're staying at the Rio.
01:46:08.000 Don't have the seafood buffet at the Rio, I will tell you that.
01:46:10.000 How dare you?
01:46:11.000 Why would you think we would do that?
01:46:12.000 Oh my god.
01:46:13.000 It's the best vomit of my whole life, and there's been a lot of vomiting in my life.
01:46:17.000 Like clams in a musket?
01:46:18.000 Oh, I don't even know.
01:46:19.000 I don't know what it was, but it was Linda Blair shit.
01:46:22.000 It was pretty crazy.
01:46:23.000 But I'm writing, and it's like noon out, and there's the window, and the window's open, and by the time I got finished, it looked out, and it was pitch black outside.
01:46:31.000 So sometimes...
01:46:33.000 I can't imagine it's the same thing when you're writing more of the short-form jokes and moving around from the jokes, but for this long-form things like 50-page story, my own screen came up and that's all I was working on.
01:46:43.000 Didn't look at anything else, just wrote the whole thing through.
01:46:45.000 Yeah, you can get in those zones.
01:46:47.000 I don't write jokes like joke jokes.
01:46:50.000 What I do is I write about subjects and I find the jokes in what I write about it.
01:46:54.000 What I find is that when I'm writing about things...
01:46:57.000 It takes longer for me to write the word history than for me to think of it or know it exists.
01:47:02.000 If I'm thinking about history, I can think about it, but I have to say H-I-S-T-R-R. I mean, I have to actually individually type all the letters.
01:47:10.000 And in that, you have much more consideration It's like it forces you to pause and consider each individual word.
01:47:32.000 Consider the concept you're actually talking about far more than if you were just having a conversation.
01:47:38.000 If you're having a conversation, it's much quicker to get the words out.
01:47:42.000 I think in that slowing you down, it makes you consider things more, and then sometimes you'll just miss really obvious shit.
01:47:50.000 You would have missed it if you were talking, but when you're writing, like, and what about this?
01:47:55.000 And then you'll go off in some other directions.
01:47:58.000 You give your brain a different rhythm, the rhythm of writing.
01:48:01.000 No talking, no distractions, no fucking music, stop all the nonsense, lock the door, hit the right room, and just go.
01:48:09.000 Yeah.
01:48:09.000 Do you find you have to go for a certain amount of time before all of a sudden shit starts to take off?
01:48:14.000 I'm useless for the first half hour.
01:48:16.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:48:16.000 Same thing.
01:48:17.000 Unless I'm high as fuck.
01:48:19.000 Sometimes I don't even take credit for the things I write because it's not me writing them.
01:48:25.000 Your inner muse.
01:48:27.000 Weed wrote it.
01:48:28.000 Weed wrote that one.
01:48:29.000 No, I don't have that one in me.
01:48:31.000 I'm like, the first 30 minutes are usually just trash, absolute trash work.
01:48:35.000 And then at some point, something just takes over and you're making really good stuff.
01:48:38.000 It's interesting, isn't it?
01:48:39.000 That weird switch that goes off where you find yourself really zen in what you're doing.
01:48:45.000 For me, it is probably around the same time, about 30 minutes in.
01:48:48.000 20, 30 minutes.
01:48:49.000 The first 20 minutes, I don't even think.
01:48:51.000 I'm just trying to smash keys and write things down.
01:48:55.000 And just thinking, but just kind of getting into it.
01:48:58.000 And then somewhere along the line, you catch traction.
01:49:00.000 My ADD is so bad, now I've got a technique like I'll just set the alarm on the phone.
01:49:05.000 Set it for 30 minutes.
01:49:06.000 And then I'm like, okay, I'm just not going to look at anything else.
01:49:09.000 I can do this for 30 minutes.
01:49:10.000 It's just 30 minutes.
01:49:11.000 You're that bad?
01:49:12.000 That's crazy.
01:49:13.000 Force yourself to write for 30 minutes.
01:49:14.000 Doesn't matter what you write.
01:49:16.000 And then almost invariably, by the time the buzzer goes off, you just turn it off because you're rolling at that point.
01:49:21.000 But you have to force yourself to be like, I have to get into the groove.
01:49:24.000 My groove is usually also to move around the house.
01:49:27.000 I like to pick up my laptop and go sit somewhere else.
01:49:31.000 Go sit in my living room.
01:49:34.000 Go sit upstairs.
01:49:35.000 Go sit in front of the TV. Don't even watch TV. Just sit on the couch.
01:49:38.000 I think that when I do that, instead of just being in my office and staring at the screen, sometimes just being in a different space, sitting in a different place, just go, oh, we're here now.
01:49:47.000 And just that changing of your routine, just a little variation on it, sometimes can spark the mind in interesting new directions.
01:49:55.000 Yeah.
01:49:56.000 You get down these wormholes and just getting any other kind of sensory input, which goes back to, now I'm going to write things down instead of type them out.
01:50:02.000 Anything like that can...
01:50:03.000 Because it's all in there.
01:50:04.000 All that stuff you want to come up with is in there.
01:50:06.000 It's not like you have a factory where you have to make all this crap.
01:50:10.000 It's all already in there.
01:50:11.000 You're just kind of figuring out how to mine it out of your own brain and put it onto the page.
01:50:15.000 You know what I also find super beneficial?
01:50:17.000 A walk.
01:50:18.000 A walk?
01:50:19.000 Yeah, a walk.
01:50:20.000 You know, and I used to bring a recorder, but now with these new cell phones, you don't have to.
01:50:24.000 Your phone can record amazing notes.
01:50:26.000 And I just go for a walk.
01:50:27.000 Walk my dogs or something like that, go down the street, and just when I'm thinking about something, and I've got something in my head, and I'm done writing, and then I'm reviewing the things that I wrote, like, how would I view this if I was a person who was reading it?
01:50:41.000 Like, how would I take this?
01:50:42.000 Like, I'll Yeah.
01:50:54.000 Yeah.
01:51:07.000 So I just start doing laps, and it usually doesn't take very long because you're turning right all the time, every two steps.
01:51:13.000 And there's something about your brain has to put some level of attention on it, not walking into things.
01:51:17.000 And that usually comes from the part that's blocking you, the part that's stopping you.
01:51:22.000 You're convincing yourself you can't get this shit out.
01:51:24.000 And now, okay, oh, all right, boom.
01:51:25.000 Now run back to the desk and start writing things down really quick.
01:51:28.000 Have you ever tried using speech recognition software for writing?
01:51:31.000 It wouldn't work for me, only because I'm...
01:51:34.000 By the time I block a sentence down, it's probably already been rewritten three times.
01:51:39.000 Start a sentence, go back.
01:51:40.000 Start a sentence, go back.
01:51:41.000 And I'm fortunately a pretty fast typer.
01:51:43.000 I learned that a long time ago because I knew I wanted to write.
01:51:47.000 And yeah, I just changed things so fast.
01:51:49.000 It's all muscle memory now.
01:51:50.000 It's like copy this, paste this, move this around.
01:51:52.000 I cannot imagine speech recognition would ever work for me.
01:51:56.000 The Mavis Bacon Teaches Typing.
01:51:58.000 That's the one.
01:51:59.000 I owe that Mavis Bacon.
01:52:01.000 She hooked me up.
01:52:02.000 Yeah, that was, for me, man, I was the poker guy.
01:52:06.000 Yeah.
01:52:07.000 Looking right at them, it took a long time.
01:52:09.000 That's a genius product.
01:52:10.000 Like, no, just play video games, bitch.
01:52:12.000 It's great.
01:52:12.000 I'm like, what?
01:52:13.000 I'm just playing video games?
01:52:14.000 And all of a sudden, I can type.
01:52:15.000 It was amazing.
01:52:15.000 It was amazing.
01:52:16.000 And they're fun games.
01:52:17.000 Like, you're racing and shit.
01:52:19.000 You're doing all kinds of different stuff.
01:52:20.000 Figuring out where the little keys are.
01:52:22.000 That's so important, man.
01:52:24.000 I used to have one of those goofy keyboards that was like separated.
01:52:27.000 Oh, the split ones?
01:52:27.000 Yeah, and your hands rest on it.
01:52:29.000 Yep, yep.
01:52:31.000 Those died off.
01:52:32.000 What happened?
01:52:32.000 They're ergonomic.
01:52:33.000 They're supposed to be ergonomic.
01:52:33.000 I don't think they work for shit.
01:52:34.000 I don't think they work for crap.
01:52:35.000 They were supposed to be good for you.
01:52:36.000 I had the one that actually was like a transformer.
01:52:38.000 It actually had a hinge.
01:52:39.000 It was split out to the side.
01:52:41.000 That thing was badass.
01:52:42.000 Did you ever get the one where you sink in?
01:52:45.000 You sink your fingers in?
01:52:46.000 No.
01:52:46.000 There was a weird one like this where your fingers sit in a cradle.
01:52:50.000 I still have to look.
01:52:51.000 Every now and then I'm still glancing down to get some kind of tracking going on, which I don't need to do anymore, but I can't break myself with a habit.
01:52:58.000 I do this sometimes when I'm overwhelmed with an idea.
01:53:02.000 I'll just close my eyes and just start typing.
01:53:04.000 So I don't need to do it anymore, but I can't break that habit of looking down at the screen.
01:53:08.000 That's interesting.
01:53:09.000 Yeah, that's the thing.
01:53:09.000 Look at that crazy thing.
01:53:10.000 Yeah, I had one of those.
01:53:12.000 Yeah.
01:53:13.000 There was those, and then there was the Microsoft ones.
01:53:15.000 They were a little bit more curly, and they had an actual space in between.
01:53:18.000 They didn't separate.
01:53:20.000 It's more lumpy.
01:53:21.000 They called them ergonomic keyboards.
01:53:23.000 Yeah, nobody makes those things anymore, I don't think.
01:53:25.000 I don't know.
01:53:26.000 You know what the problem is?
01:53:27.000 You get used to those, and then you go to a laptop, and it feels weird.
01:53:31.000 Yeah.
01:53:31.000 A lot of people are...
01:53:32.000 Typing their stuff on laptops now.
01:53:35.000 So, like, the way you learn how to type on a laptop is you want your fingers to be right in that position of J and F, the fingers across the board, and then from there you go.
01:53:44.000 If you go back and forth from laptop to keyboard, there's like a thinking part.
01:53:49.000 It's like a quarterback changing your throwing motion.
01:53:51.000 It's just going to change everything around.
01:53:53.000 Yeah, it fucks with you.
01:53:54.000 Yeah.
01:53:54.000 But the speech recognition software is fascinating to me because I wonder if that'll ever be something that I'm interested in because I For the walks, I have to imagine, right?
01:54:05.000 You're walking, you speak everything down?
01:54:07.000 No, I just record it.
01:54:08.000 Right, and go back and listen to it.
01:54:09.000 Yeah, I go back and listen to it.
01:54:10.000 I really find that there's a completely different state of mind, the actual writing state of mind, and I find that I'm way more creative.
01:54:18.000 When I can just sit in total silence, not hear my voice or anybody's voice, and write.
01:54:24.000 I'll allow my brain to go in all sorts of weird directions when it's not attached to flowing, moving language.
01:54:30.000 Ideas can sort of emerge instantaneously, and I just try to follow them and capture them in writing.
01:54:35.000 I think I limit myself when I'm actually talking when it comes to writing things.
01:54:42.000 For me, at this point, it's just down to...
01:54:46.000 A process.
01:54:47.000 Now I've got the process going.
01:54:48.000 I'm getting more and more comfort with the process, so hopefully I'm growing towards that.
01:54:52.000 Stephen King's process is just so fast.
01:54:55.000 But your process is also very creative.
01:54:57.000 I mean, you have to have this idea.
01:54:58.000 You have to have this story.
01:55:00.000 You have to create this story.
01:55:01.000 That part's never...
01:55:02.000 Some people talk about writer's block.
01:55:04.000 I've never had that.
01:55:05.000 I've had the opposite, which is just this...
01:55:08.000 It's an onslaught of cool ideas.
01:55:10.000 Like, this would be a good book, and this would be a good book, and trying to keep track of everything.
01:55:14.000 So the creative part, being a scatterbrained little kid, fortunately, just has never been an issue for me.
01:55:20.000 With me, it's always been the discipline of being able to write it down and trying to fight the ADD, and I have to keep working on this To make it the best it can be, when after the first draft, I'm kind of already done with it.
01:55:33.000 I'm like, oh, I want to go do something else.
01:55:35.000 But you can't.
01:55:35.000 You've got to go back and keep hammering on that sword and make it a good weapon.
01:55:39.000 Yeah, that's really interesting.
01:55:42.000 The different types of creative processes that all try to achieve the same thing, whether it's a song or a movie or a book or a joke.
01:55:50.000 It's completely fascinating to me the different ways that people approach it and the different mindsets they have in approaching it, too.
01:55:59.000 There's no one pattern, which is what's fascinating about the human brain.
01:56:04.000 Everybody's got a different way of doing it.
01:56:06.000 And just keep working at it until you get to that end product where you can hopefully look at what you finished with.
01:56:12.000 And I think all creative people kind of have the same thing.
01:56:14.000 You probably have it too.
01:56:15.000 Like, that's a pretty good joke.
01:56:16.000 That's not the best it could possibly be, but I think that's pretty good.
01:56:19.000 That's going to go in the arsenal for the next stand-up.
01:56:21.000 And with me, it's like, that book is pretty good.
01:56:24.000 I would work on that book for the next 10 years every day to try and make everything perfect, but...
01:56:28.000 At least for me, there is no perfection.
01:56:31.000 You hear some authors go, I keep working until I have absolutely the perfect phrase and the perfect sentence and the perfect paragraph and the perfect page.
01:56:37.000 That's great, but we've got to put a book out and sell some books.
01:56:41.000 So I can't work on a book for 10 years.
01:56:43.000 Yeah, it's never perfect either because your perceptions of it change radically.
01:56:48.000 There's stuff that I enjoyed a lot.
01:56:49.000 That I did just a couple of years ago that if I have to watch now, I don't want to have anything to do with it.
01:56:54.000 I don't want to watch it.
01:56:55.000 I don't want to listen to it.
01:56:57.000 Run!
01:56:58.000 I mean, just 24 months ago, I don't want to hear it.
01:57:01.000 I've gotten to the point now where, unless it's for research, I don't go back and reread the old books.
01:57:06.000 And I heard an interview with Bryan Cranston on Nerdist that really helped a ton with that, which, you know, he's just kicking everybody's ass at Breaking Bad, and he's like the baddest actor ever at this moment.
01:57:14.000 He was really focused on...
01:57:15.000 He puts everything he has...
01:57:18.000 Into that performance.
01:57:19.000 And then the second he walks off the set, he's done.
01:57:22.000 He's like, I'm not paying attention to that anymore.
01:57:23.000 I'm moving on to the next thing.
01:57:24.000 I did it as best I can.
01:57:26.000 So with my books, because I get worked...
01:57:27.000 Every time I reread a book and find a mistake or some kind of goof up or something, the character motivation isn't right, I get super angry and super worked up.
01:57:35.000 So now I just don't read that stuff.
01:57:37.000 Like, it's got to go.
01:57:37.000 Well, I think that you sort of...
01:57:40.000 When you're done with a project, you've internalized everything that you're going to learn from that.
01:57:45.000 I feel like as an artist, as a craftsperson, whether it's a writer or anything, or a musician, I think you're getting better all the time or you're not getting better.
01:57:54.000 It's one of the two.
01:57:55.000 Either you're getting better all the time and you're constantly working on improving things, or you're not.
01:57:59.000 And there's only a certain amount of time that you should consider the past.
01:58:03.000 Certain amount of time you consider past work.
01:58:06.000 Because if you consider it, you're really robbing yourself of present work.
01:58:09.000 You're really robbing yourself of the focus that you could be using on working on the shit that you're thinking about right now.
01:58:15.000 So in that mindset, I just start getting repulsed by my old stuff.
01:58:20.000 Like, I don't want to talk.
01:58:21.000 I don't want to see it.
01:58:22.000 If I find myself on TV, I go...
01:58:25.000 Flip the channels.
01:58:26.000 The other day I was in my car two times in a row and Raw Dog was playing my comedy.
01:58:30.000 I'm like, shut up.
01:58:31.000 I don't want to fucking hear me.
01:58:32.000 I don't want to hear me.
01:58:34.000 I don't want to even think that I was a different person 10 years ago.
01:58:37.000 I'm concentrating on it right now.
01:58:39.000 I had experience recently with stand-up.
01:58:42.000 I'm not doing stand-up, but listening to stand-up that show me how much I have changed as a person.
01:58:46.000 And I'm on Pandora.
01:58:48.000 All I listen to is comedy on Pandora.
01:58:50.000 That's like when I'm not writing.
01:58:51.000 Okay, I gotta pick up the office.
01:58:53.000 I gotta clean up.
01:58:53.000 Let's put on some comedy on Pandora and just let that cycle through and hear new stuff.
01:58:57.000 And I started a new channel for the Andrew Dice Clay channel.
01:59:00.000 And when I was in college, we were all crazy for Dice.
01:59:04.000 We'd gather in a room and watch the VHS. It'd be like eight guys watching.
01:59:07.000 Ah, Dice Clay, you're the best!
01:59:09.000 And then I'm listening to it now and I'm hearing him do all these old bits.
01:59:12.000 And I'm like, oh, I love this bit.
01:59:14.000 And then I'm listening to it and I'm like...
01:59:16.000 Yeah, this isn't really all that funny to me anymore.
01:59:18.000 This is so racist and so misogynist.
01:59:21.000 And not like, you know, like somebody who's really good at racist humor right now is Daniel Tosh, like can do it in a way that doesn't make you uncomfortable.
01:59:30.000 Like, I don't know how he does it, but listening to Andrew DeSclay is like, this isn't for me anymore.
01:59:35.000 It's very aggressive.
01:59:36.000 What's in the bowl, bitch?
01:59:39.000 And I realized what we were all laughing at was that amazing delivery.
01:59:45.000 His delivery and his timing were great, but the actual subject matter was, and I'm like, I cannot believe how much I have changed that I don't find this funny anymore.
01:59:52.000 See, I've gotten more immature and I find it funnier.
01:59:55.000 Is that right?
01:59:55.000 Because what I know he's doing is he's doing an act.
01:59:59.000 Yeah!
01:59:59.000 He's doing a character.
02:00:00.000 You know, he makes things up.
02:00:02.000 Like, his character is this preposterously, ridiculously over-sexed asshole.
02:00:08.000 And you know what to expect.
02:00:09.000 So I enjoy it from this completely non-politically correct approach that he's doing.
02:00:17.000 That's his act.
02:00:18.000 That's what he's chosen to do.
02:00:19.000 He could easily start doing clean jokes and concentrate on that.
02:00:23.000 No, he's gotten dirtier.
02:00:24.000 He wears weightlifting gloves.
02:00:26.000 He's got his hair slicked back.
02:00:28.000 He's wearing a fanny pack.
02:00:30.000 And he's talking about, SUCKING DICK! OW! It's fun.
02:00:35.000 Big glasses.
02:00:36.000 He's got giant old lady, old Jewish lady glasses that he wears.
02:00:39.000 I haven't seen his new stuff in a while.
02:00:42.000 We saw him in Vegas.
02:00:44.000 It was me, Brian, Anthony from Opie and Anthony, Jim Norton, and Bobby Kelly, a bunch of comedians.
02:00:50.000 And we fucking cried laughing.
02:00:53.000 Yeah.
02:00:53.000 It was so...
02:00:54.000 Because it was...
02:00:54.000 For us, first of all, we know it's an act.
02:00:57.000 We know it's comedy.
02:00:58.000 We know...
02:00:58.000 I mean, we've been aware of it.
02:01:01.000 I was a huge fan before I ever got into comedy.
02:01:03.000 So to be there, like, in Vegas, having a couple of cocktails, and be able to watch, just sit there and watch, it was fucking hilarious.
02:01:11.000 I bet live it'd still be pretty impressive.
02:01:13.000 It was so ridiculous.
02:01:14.000 He's talking about how to catch fag, how you make a gay kid.
02:01:19.000 It was so ridiculous.
02:01:21.000 It was so ridiculous.
02:01:22.000 Talking about how...
02:01:24.000 It's how you catch fag!
02:01:28.000 He's trying to get more and more preposterous as things go on.
02:01:30.000 There's all of us.
02:01:31.000 There's all of us after the show.
02:01:32.000 Oh, there he is.
02:01:33.000 It was really fucking funny.
02:01:35.000 I mean, me and Jimmy Norton and Brian, we were crying laughing.
02:01:38.000 It was really funny.
02:01:40.000 But it's ridiculous.
02:01:41.000 There's an art form in saying ridiculous shit you don't really mean.
02:01:44.000 Right.
02:01:45.000 And that's what I think Dice does.
02:01:46.000 Right.
02:01:47.000 But if you, yeah, if you were alone in your car, or if you're in your home and you're completely sober and you're listening to some of the horrible things he said, you're like, what the fuck, man?
02:01:56.000 Yeah, I'm uncomfortable laughing at this now.
02:01:58.000 I don't know what this says about me.
02:02:00.000 It's fiction.
02:02:03.000 From the character perspective, I catch a ton of shit for my books.
02:02:07.000 Do you?
02:02:08.000 People are so caught up in their own, this is who I am.
02:02:13.000 You can make fun of everybody else outside of this area, but the second you touch on my area, you're a dick.
02:02:19.000 So I get...
02:02:21.000 Like me talking about Dice Clay right now, I get people like, I can't believe you're that misogynist.
02:02:26.000 I'm like, no, that's this asshole character.
02:02:28.000 That's not me.
02:02:28.000 That's the character.
02:02:30.000 And some people can't differentiate that.
02:02:32.000 But nobody has a problem with it until it's their particular area.
02:02:35.000 Yes.
02:02:36.000 Yeah, if you're picking on vegans or transsexuals or Republicans.
02:02:41.000 SpaghettiOs.
02:02:41.000 You see that Natasha Leggero thing that happened over the weekend?
02:02:45.000 Yeah, she made a joke.
02:02:47.000 Carson Daly had a New Year's show in Times Square, and she made a joke about old folks and World War II and Pearl Harbor.
02:02:58.000 And she got more fucking hate.
02:03:01.000 Like, unbelievable amounts of people were angry at her.
02:03:04.000 So she made a non-apology and put it on her website.
02:03:07.000 And she's like, fuck you.
02:03:09.000 And it's beautiful, you know, to do that.
02:03:12.000 Her apology was, like, brilliantly written, too.
02:03:15.000 What she said was she was called a cunt so many times she thought she was in a British pub rooting for the wrong soccer team.
02:03:22.000 Yeah.
02:03:24.000 And her original joke wasn't even a Pearl Harbor joke.
02:03:27.000 It was just a denture joke about old people eating SpaghettiOs because SpaghettiOs got so much shit for having that image of a SpaghettiO holding an American flag that they put up on Pearl Harbor Day.
02:03:37.000 Just to kind of show respect.
02:03:40.000 And then they were like, what?
02:03:41.000 How dare you?
02:03:42.000 So what was the actual joke?
02:03:43.000 Do you have...
02:03:44.000 Yeah, I'll pull it up, but it was...
02:03:49.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people out there that fucking love to be offended.
02:03:52.000 Oh, yeah.
02:03:53.000 They love it.
02:03:54.000 I live in San Francisco, for crying out loud.
02:03:56.000 Yes, there's a lot in there.
02:03:57.000 And they love to talk about being offended.
02:03:59.000 And they love to get angry at you because they're offended.
02:04:02.000 Well, you are big on the internet.
02:04:04.000 I'm sure you deal with that on a daily basis.
02:04:06.000 Look at that.
02:04:06.000 Natasha, hold on, scroll up.
02:04:08.000 The most popular comedian living today.
02:04:13.000 She's cool.
02:04:14.000 I love her.
02:04:15.000 Pandora just introduced me to her like a couple weeks ago.
02:04:17.000 She's great.
02:04:18.000 She's very funny.
02:04:18.000 She's very nice, too.
02:04:19.000 She's a nice person.
02:04:20.000 She dated two of my friends, too.
02:04:22.000 Now three, because I like most of you, too.
02:04:25.000 Yeah, but she wrote on her thing.
02:04:28.000 She's not apologizing for shit.
02:04:29.000 I love it.
02:04:30.000 Cool.
02:04:31.000 Yeah, because there's always people out there that are going to want you to apologize for something that's fucking ridiculous to apologize for.
02:04:37.000 They're always going to exist.
02:04:38.000 I got the most recent one that came up, and you don't think it's bad until somebody actually kind of calls you on it.
02:04:44.000 In the book Nocturnal, there's a character who has Tourette's Syndrome and also has a voice box, has lost his voice box due to throat cancer.
02:04:55.000 So it's kind of preposterous.
02:04:57.000 And then he's always talking to the main character, trying to make the main character come like, fucker, pricker, sicker, dicker, sucker.
02:05:02.000 And it's this crazy combination of things, which is actually a true story that a friend of mine who got arrested was in the drunk tank, and there was a guy with the voice box, and he had Tourette's, and he's telling me the story about it.
02:05:15.000 I'm like, that's so going in a book.
02:05:16.000 Are you kidding me?
02:05:17.000 That's fucking awesome.
02:05:18.000 And then, one of my long-time fans finally listens to this book, and we do the audiobooks, and it's really over the top when we do it in the audiobooks.
02:05:25.000 It sounds like the guy from South Park, basically.
02:05:28.000 And she's like, that's not funny.
02:05:30.000 I have threats.
02:05:31.000 And I'm like, you know, you're like, okay.
02:05:33.000 So now you have to write, because it directly impacts her, and it looks like we're mocking her, but you have to write an apology.
02:05:39.000 You're like, yeah, I'm not going to apologize for the story, because it's a character, but, you know...
02:05:43.000 It's unfortunate that that hits you in your personal soft spot, so to speak.
02:05:47.000 And I didn't mean to marginalize you, but I'm not changing the story.
02:05:51.000 It's great.
02:05:51.000 Isn't it funny, though, that if someone can say that's not funny, and then you're not allowed to talk about it, but if it wasn't funny at all...
02:06:00.000 If it was like a tragic situation where a person had Tourette's and it was out of control and it was in a story, then that would be different because that's not mocking.
02:06:08.000 That's not putting into a comedy.
02:06:10.000 You could depict it.
02:06:11.000 You can depict Tourette's and depict Tourette's being an issue that maybe the people that actually have it can say, oh, that's very similar to what I have to deal with.
02:06:19.000 And they would be fine with it.
02:06:21.000 But it's making the laughs out of it.
02:06:23.000 Yeah.
02:06:23.000 And that's what ticked off this fan.
02:06:25.000 Isn't that funny though?
02:06:26.000 It's weird.
02:06:27.000 Even being able to explain like, well the point of the joke is that you never know whether he has it or not or he's just using it as an excuse to be an asshole to everybody.
02:06:35.000 But, you know, that one person, that's what every character that I create goes through something to that effect where somebody calls out and goes, yeah, that's not funny, dude.
02:06:44.000 Yeah, but they're fucking assholes.
02:06:46.000 Those people, they really are.
02:06:47.000 They're really assholes.
02:06:48.000 And they're self-serving cunts.
02:06:50.000 Because you really have to look at the big picture.
02:06:53.000 I mean, you're telling, what are we saying?
02:06:55.000 Are we saying that Tourette's doesn't exist?
02:06:57.000 Are we saying that people aren't crazy and that dudes don't have voice boxes?
02:07:01.000 Like, what combination of these things is unrealistic?
02:07:03.000 Yeah.
02:07:03.000 It's also a story about cannibalistic monsters living under the streets of San Francisco.
02:07:07.000 Yeah, what the fuck?
02:07:08.000 Fictional fun.
02:07:09.000 People are cunts, man.
02:07:10.000 If you pick on lesbians, they will come after you with fucking great anger.
02:07:14.000 They are very quick to raise their defense.
02:07:17.000 Vegetarians also furious.
02:07:19.000 Vegans are mean.
02:07:20.000 Armenians.
02:07:20.000 Go after Armenians.
02:07:21.000 Watch what happens.
02:07:22.000 They'll fucking kill you.
02:07:23.000 Here's the joke.
02:07:24.000 That'll kill you.
02:07:24.000 They'll beat you in the streets.
02:07:26.000 It's pretty much just a Jay Leno joke.
02:07:28.000 On Pearl Harbor Day, they sent out a tweet featuring their mascot holding an American flag asking people to quote, take a moment to remember, hashtag Pearl Harbor with us.
02:07:38.000 It offended a lot of people.
02:07:39.000 Corporations climbing on to sentimental American historic traditions seemingly looking for people and business.
02:07:47.000 It wasn't good, but you were offended for another reason.
02:07:50.000 I'm offended because they're referring to SpaghettiOs as pasta.
02:07:53.000 I mean, it sucks that the only survivors of Pearl Harbor are being mocked by the only food they can still chew.
02:08:01.000 That's it.
02:08:01.000 That's actually a good joke.
02:08:03.000 Yeah.
02:08:03.000 That's a good joke.
02:08:04.000 Fuck everybody.
02:08:05.000 He stoned as fuck whoever that one dude is.
02:08:07.000 That's, um, I forgot that dude's name.
02:08:10.000 Anthony Anderson.
02:08:10.000 Yeah, Anthony Anderson.
02:08:11.000 That didn't seem all that bad to me.
02:08:13.000 That wasn't bad at all.
02:08:14.000 Fuck everybody.
02:08:15.000 But if I was a survivor of Pearl Harbor, that'd be a different ballgame.
02:08:18.000 Please.
02:08:19.000 But her response was so perfect, because she was one of the few people that didn't bow down and take it and just say, I'm sorry, even though she didn't mean it.
02:08:26.000 And her response is so great.
02:08:28.000 Dude, because she's a real comic.
02:08:29.000 Steve Martin's not a comic anymore.
02:08:31.000 Steve Martin apologized for one of the lamest jokes ever.
02:08:34.000 Some silly tweet where he's talking about lasagna, like spelling it differently if you're African American.
02:08:39.000 That's disgusting.
02:08:40.000 Like spelling it, like the pronunciation, like they would say lazaya or something like that.
02:08:44.000 I don't remember what it was.
02:08:45.000 It was just a joke.
02:08:46.000 And people bit his fucking head off and he pulled the tweet and apologized.
02:08:50.000 Like, oh, Steve.
02:08:53.000 Listen to who you're listening to.
02:08:54.000 Things have changed for Steve.
02:08:56.000 You silly, silly bitch.
02:08:57.000 You're listening to dummies.
02:08:59.000 Just because they can talk to you doesn't mean they're smart.
02:09:01.000 Just because they can reach you doesn't mean they're smart.
02:09:03.000 And it's so hard to keep a perspective sometimes, too.
02:09:05.000 You get two or three tweets.
02:09:08.000 I've seen some of the tweet hazing that you've got or the tweet conflicts, whatever.
02:09:12.000 And all of a sudden, you have this large audience, but these 50 people are focused on it.
02:09:16.000 And you've got to pay attention to it, right?
02:09:18.000 You at least have to have some kind of response to it.
02:09:21.000 Block them!
02:09:23.000 Fuck them all, Scott!
02:09:24.000 Just hit that block button.
02:09:25.000 You don't want to like me?
02:09:26.000 Unfollow me!
02:09:27.000 Oh!
02:09:28.000 Suck on my dick!
02:09:31.000 Enjoy my block!
02:09:33.000 Oh!
02:09:35.000 No, don't engage them, man.
02:09:37.000 Because you can engage them or you can engage the people that are being nice.
02:09:40.000 Sometimes I'll engage people in a mocking way if I'm giggling at them.
02:09:44.000 But to get actually angry at them?
02:09:47.000 For what?
02:09:49.000 It's one thing if you did something wrong or if there's some sort of remorse that you have for your actions and maybe someone's reacting to that.
02:09:59.000 Something real, not like this Natasha thing.
02:10:02.000 It's possible you could fuck up and say something you didn't really mean, or you said it too quickly, didn't realize how ridiculous it was until after you said it.
02:10:09.000 But if there's none of that, and then you're getting hate, what are you doing?
02:10:13.000 Are you going to pay attention to people who just look to hate people for no fucking reason?
02:10:17.000 Are they living in the past?
02:10:19.000 There can be times, too, where somebody says something like, geez, I never thought about it from that particular perspective.
02:10:23.000 And that's a logical perspective.
02:10:24.000 So, yeah, I'll rethink what I said there.
02:10:27.000 But that's pretty rare.
02:10:28.000 Well, I have one thing that I really do enjoy.
02:10:31.000 And it's...
02:10:33.000 A lot of people are very uncomfortable with when they get hyper-criticized, when someone attacks them and attacks them in a way that actually makes sense.
02:10:43.000 But I think those people that do that, whether they like it or not, they're helping you.
02:10:50.000 Because even if they're wrong, they're forcing you to consider whether or not there's any merit in what they're saying.
02:10:55.000 And if you can't find any merit in what they're saying, then you're relieved of any future attacks like that.
02:11:01.000 It's like, oh, you're another crazy person that has a distorted view of reality.
02:11:07.000 And the reason why you have this distorted view of reality could be many, many, many, many different reasons.
02:11:11.000 You could be fucking jealous.
02:11:13.000 You could be crazy.
02:11:15.000 You could be psychotic.
02:11:16.000 You could just do that.
02:11:17.000 I've gone to people's Twitters.
02:11:18.000 They'll say something hateful to you, and you think about responding, and then you go to their Twitter feed, and it's just them attacking everyone.
02:11:26.000 Fucking Demi Moore, Kobe Bryant, fucking anybody you can find.
02:11:30.000 That's what some people do.
02:11:32.000 They throw out a bunch of different lures and hope somebody bites, and they're not even a real person.
02:11:37.000 Unfortunately, I pretty much wean myself from looking at Amazon reviews anymore, because there's just some asshole-ishness that goes on there like nobody's business.
02:11:45.000 YouTube is the center of the hell.
02:11:47.000 I don't even try not to even look at those.
02:11:50.000 YouTube comments.
02:11:51.000 On Amazon I'll go and once in a while I'll see a one star review and you know like I worked my ass off for two years you son of a bitch.
02:11:57.000 What do you got to say about it?
02:11:58.000 And once in a while they're like they take the book apart and like from your perspective I can see that's a crappy book the way you see it.
02:12:03.000 No problem.
02:12:04.000 But most of them are just they didn't actually read the book You can tell from the review.
02:12:08.000 They read 20 pages and stopped and gave you a one-star review.
02:12:11.000 And you get all super pissed off.
02:12:13.000 And then you go and you click on that and you read through their other reviews and it's just endless stars, one-star reviews, and five stars for Twilight.
02:12:19.000 And you're like, okay, that's not really my audience.
02:12:22.000 You know what I found really fascinating about people like that?
02:12:24.000 The people who are really harsh on writers or movies or what have you and you read their criticisms and There's often a lot of work put into that stuff.
02:12:34.000 A lot of work put into the criticisms.
02:12:36.000 Like I've gone to people's Yelp pages.
02:12:37.000 You read like a really evil Yelp and you're like, okay, let's go to this guy's Yelp page and see what he, you know, he hates this restaurant so much.
02:12:44.000 Let's see what he says about everything.
02:12:45.000 And everything is like really well-written destruction of various restaurants or various things.
02:12:51.000 And you go, oh, I see what that guy's doing.
02:12:53.000 He's distracting himself from his own failures.
02:12:56.000 He's attacking everything as being mediocre and in do so, not even realizing how ironic it is that he's put all of his energy into criticizing other people's work because he's avoiding doing his own.
02:13:06.000 That's a big thing with a lot of these bloggers and critics and people that are writing.
02:13:11.000 What are they actually doing here?
02:13:13.000 You're writing a bunch of evil, evil shit, but what are you actually contributing other than your opinion?
02:13:18.000 You're contributing dog shit.
02:13:19.000 What do you make?
02:13:21.000 What do you put out in the world?
02:13:23.000 Like, the people whose whole world is nothing but, I'm going to rip on Kobe Bryant.
02:13:28.000 I'm now going to come out and rip on LeBron James for underachieving.
02:13:32.000 And you're like, what the fuck do you do?
02:13:34.000 What do you want this guy to do for Christ's sake?
02:13:37.000 Like, that thing, and then the Yelp and people ripping on everything.
02:13:39.000 You're like, just...
02:13:40.000 If you don't like the way they do it, go do something great yourself.
02:13:43.000 I very rarely attack journalists, but I have gone after a few MMA journalists who have written evil shit about fighters.
02:13:51.000 Just really nasty, stupid, fucking hurtful, snarky shit.
02:13:56.000 And the only reason why they're doing it is just they're cunts.
02:13:59.000 And you've got to expose them for what they are.
02:14:01.000 I mean, just because someone falls short, just because someone tries and gets beat up by someone who's better than them...
02:14:07.000 Have some respect for that process of development, of understanding, of exploration, of adventure that these fighters go on for your entertainment.
02:14:16.000 And the sacrifice they have to make just to be able to get in that ring.
02:14:19.000 If you show up in a UFC cage, you've already done an enormous amount of shit.
02:14:23.000 Stunning, stunning sacrifice.
02:14:24.000 Yeah.
02:14:26.000 Horrible excuses for why things went wrong.
02:14:28.000 In my opinion, that has to be treated with an objective sense of respect.
02:14:33.000 You have to understand that psychologically, their defeat is unbelievably brutal.
02:14:38.000 Right.
02:14:38.000 That a fighter going through a defeat, like, they're looking for some reason to stay alive when they're telling you, oh, I had staph, and then I got the flu, and then...
02:14:47.000 Maybe those things are true.
02:14:49.000 But the reason why they have to tell you about those things is they're fucking falling apart.
02:14:53.000 Yeah, they put their life in They're clawing and looking for something to gain some sort of a victory.
02:14:58.000 Like, you might have kicked my ass, but I was in a car accident six weeks ago, man.
02:15:01.000 I had to deal with insurance.
02:15:02.000 And they find some reason to give them some reason that they're worth something.
02:15:07.000 And you'd like those journalists once in a while to say something to the effect of...
02:15:11.000 Yeah, that was a bad UFC fight.
02:15:13.000 It's still better than any UFC fight I've ever been in, because I've never gotten in the ring of my friggin' life.
02:15:18.000 I don't think they have to say that.
02:15:19.000 I think they just have to treat the situation with respect.
02:15:22.000 And they have to treat what a fighter is actually doing, and they have to treat it differently than playing basketball, because it's not the fuckin' same thing.
02:15:29.000 Right.
02:15:29.000 When a basketball game is lost, if you go home crying and freaking out, you're probably a baby.
02:15:34.000 But when you get your ass kicked in there, that guy stole a little piece of your life.
02:15:37.000 He stole some happiness from you.
02:15:39.000 And if you don't respect that, it's because nobody ever beat you up.
02:15:43.000 If you ever fought and someone kicked your ass, you would realize, oh, this is not a good feeling at all.
02:15:49.000 And, well, let's just...
02:15:51.000 Analyze what happened in the fight itself.
02:15:54.000 If you want to psychologically break down what's wrong with the guy and where it goes wrong, do it with respect.
02:15:59.000 It can be done with respect.
02:16:01.000 But what we have is a bunch of really shitty writers who only get attention by being negative.
02:16:07.000 But that's been the sports writing.
02:16:08.000 That's why I got out of sports writing.
02:16:10.000 I used to be a sports writer.
02:16:11.000 It's also sports radio.
02:16:11.000 It's sports writing.
02:16:13.000 And I've been really disrespectful to those guys.
02:16:17.000 Because I don't think that has any place in martial arts.
02:16:19.000 I believe if you want to get shitty about a football player, if that's your tradition, that's fine.
02:16:23.000 But if you want to add that same sports guy bullshit talk to martial arts, I say fuck you.
02:16:28.000 You don't know what you're talking about.
02:16:30.000 You don't know what you're...
02:16:31.000 Some fucking dummy, some dumb, dumb football guy, he does amateur football, was talking about Anderson Silva breaking his leg, and he's saying, this is why I would never cover MMA, and I don't watch it, and never will.
02:16:43.000 And I'm like, dummy, you're a part of the number one sport for traumatic brain injuries.
02:16:49.000 The number one, football.
02:16:50.000 And you're also amateur football, which means you don't even get paid.
02:16:53.000 So the universities pimp these kids out.
02:16:55.000 They make fucking...
02:16:57.000 Billions of dollars on college football.
02:16:59.000 That's what you cover.
02:17:01.000 And you make your living off of it while the players make none.
02:17:04.000 And they're getting fucking brain damage left and right.
02:17:07.000 And you're complaining about MMA. Fuck.
02:17:09.000 Just fuck you, dummy.
02:17:11.000 You sports dummy.
02:17:12.000 There's a bunch of these sports dummies.
02:17:14.000 It's just, in being a former small-time sports writer and a former small-time college athlete, being able to see both of those sides of the coin, and anybody competing at that level, just the amount of work and talent just to get to be sucky at something...
02:17:30.000 It's astronomical.
02:17:31.000 And most of these writers, they've never done anything even close to what they're talking about, and their whole career is based on how much of a dick can I be?
02:17:40.000 How much attention?
02:17:41.000 And that's how they got attention for the longest time.
02:17:43.000 I don't think that that's going to last anymore.
02:17:45.000 I think that that sort of...
02:17:47.000 That was fine when everything was being distributed by media networks, when everything that...
02:17:54.000 You couldn't really comment on it.
02:17:56.000 If you were a fan of Jim Rome, the radio show, ten years ago or so, what kind of feedback could you ever give him?
02:18:03.000 There was no feedback, and when he did something controversial, people listened and they watched.
02:18:07.000 It was an adequate way of gathering up attention.
02:18:10.000 But I think that these wannabe guys and these guys that are coming along now that are trying to do that, they're really fucking themselves by playing this act of being this really shitty sports guy talk.
02:18:21.000 Because I think, ultimately, that's going to be exposed as being a really ineffective way of communicating, negative, and not really fun to listen to, either.
02:18:30.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:18:31.000 It's the judgmental level.
02:18:32.000 I don't know that that'll ever go away, because I think, unfortunately, a lot of the people watching this stuff want a way to feel better about themselves, and bitching about players is still huge.
02:18:41.000 It has no place in martial arts.
02:18:42.000 It will never work in martial arts.
02:18:43.000 Well, that's good.
02:18:44.000 It could be an oasis of logic, then, in a world of assholery.
02:18:48.000 Well, the stakes are higher than any other sport.
02:18:50.000 The stakes are the emotional stakes.
02:18:52.000 As proven by Anderson Silva's break.
02:18:53.000 That was pretty tough.
02:18:54.000 Well, that happens in football.
02:18:55.000 That happens in basketball.
02:18:57.000 There have been catastrophic injuries in almost every kind of really physical explosive sport.
02:19:01.000 It's unavoidable.
02:19:02.000 But what Anderson, the break that he had was very unusual.
02:19:06.000 I've only seen two of those ever live in person, and I've called Well over a thousand fights.
02:19:13.000 It's probably close to 1500 fights in my career.
02:19:16.000 Wow.
02:19:16.000 Doing commentary.
02:19:17.000 Right.
02:19:17.000 I've only seen it twice.
02:19:18.000 So it's pretty rare.
02:19:19.000 So for someone to point that out, that's why I don't watch MMA or never work it.
02:19:23.000 It's ridiculous.
02:19:24.000 Fuck you, stupid.
02:19:24.000 Cheerleading has catastrophic injuries.
02:19:27.000 Paralysis.
02:19:28.000 It's crazy.
02:19:28.000 It's death.
02:19:28.000 It's crazy.
02:19:28.000 High school cheerleading is really fucking dangerous.
02:19:31.000 They're flipping each other and doing pyramids.
02:19:33.000 My niece just started that crap and I'm very nervous about it.
02:19:35.000 Gymnastics is very scary too.
02:19:37.000 Let me ask a question.
02:19:38.000 Can you guys play my pandemic trailer for the book so that I can hit the bathroom?
02:19:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:19:43.000 Because that coffee went right through me.
02:19:44.000 Oh, yeah, please.
02:19:45.000 It's two minutes.
02:19:46.000 We're very rude in asking people to sit here for three hours.
02:19:48.000 I don't give a shit.
02:19:49.000 This is awesome.
02:19:50.000 Anytime.
02:19:51.000 Just feel free.
02:19:51.000 Just go to YouTube and look for Scott Sigler Pandemic.
02:19:54.000 I'm just going to talk shit about you.
02:19:55.000 I know.
02:19:55.000 I know.
02:19:56.000 I wouldn't do that.
02:19:56.000 Because you haven't accomplished anything, Josie.
02:19:59.000 You've got to drag me down.
02:20:00.000 How rude.
02:20:01.000 Go pee-pee, sir.
02:20:03.000 Where is your trailer at?
02:20:05.000 He's looking at it.
02:20:06.000 Is there a specific website?
02:20:07.000 It's foul mouth, though.
02:20:08.000 It's got swearing in it.
02:20:09.000 We like that.
02:20:10.000 Yes.
02:20:10.000 Is there a way that folks at home can go and listen to the URL? They can all find it at scottsigler.com slash pandemic.
02:20:17.000 That's got the YouTube embedded right there.
02:20:18.000 Or just go to YouTube and search for Scott Sigler Pandemic.
02:20:21.000 I like that authors are doing this now, making YouTube clips.
02:20:24.000 Here we go.
02:20:25.000 I saw this.
02:20:29.000 Holy shit.
02:20:39.000 It's me.
02:20:40.000 They come around me and they die.
02:20:43.000 It takes maybe like 12 hours or so, but they die.
02:20:56.000 Just look at this.
02:20:58.000 How fucked up is this?
02:21:10.000 You see that?
02:21:11.000 Fucker's dying.
02:21:14.000 Ooh.
02:21:26.000 Part Stephen King, part Chuck, try to pronounce that last name.
02:21:29.000 Dead!
02:21:29.000 Dead!
02:21:30.000 Dead!
02:21:31.000 Dead!
02:21:32.000 Dead!
02:21:33.000 They're all dead because of me!
02:21:39.000 Someone, come and get me, please!
02:21:43.000 Come and get me!
02:21:46.000 I make these assholes die.
02:21:56.000 It's me?
02:21:59.000 You wanna save the world?
02:22:01.000 You better fucking save me.
02:22:12.000 What is it like to see your words come to life in a visual form like that?
02:22:16.000 It's awesome.
02:22:17.000 It's awesome because you've got to give that over to somebody who's creative in a different area than you.
02:22:23.000 We picked out parts of the book, like an actual scene from the book we could turn into that trailer, and then gave it over to these guys.
02:22:29.000 The company's named Aureus Grex, and they're here in L-A-U-R-E-S-G-R-E-X, I think.
02:22:35.000 The guy who directed it, his name's Adrian Picardi, and he already shot a thing earlier for Ancestor, but said, do this, and then have to watch how he does the whole thing.
02:22:45.000 And they shot that in the same warehouse where they filmed Inception, and so that was pretty fucking sweet.
02:22:51.000 You know, you get to go and you're like, holy shit, this is where they shot that one movie, and it was pretty fun.
02:22:55.000 But it's thrilling to watch what other people do with your work, because I don't do that, so I have to see how they bring it to life.
02:23:02.000 It's got to be weird.
02:23:03.000 It's totally weird.
02:23:04.000 You made that.
02:23:05.000 There it is.
02:23:06.000 When they make a movie about your books, man, is that going to trip you out?
02:23:10.000 It's completely going to trip me out.
02:23:12.000 Because you, as the author, you see everything in your head.
02:23:15.000 You know how it's exactly supposed to look.
02:23:18.000 But when the director gets a hold of it and the producer gets a hold of it, they're seeing something else.
02:23:23.000 And they're the ones who make the pictures move.
02:23:25.000 So you gotta kinda go with what they go with.
02:23:27.000 I mean, what we're trying to do as we work toward getting infected to be a TV series and nocturnal to be a TV series is just trying to make myself indispensable to these guys.
02:23:36.000 Like, I'm always here.
02:23:37.000 I'm always ready to answer questions.
02:23:38.000 I'm ready to go to work for you anytime you want.
02:23:40.000 So that if it comes to one of those points where like, I think what you want to show might not, you know, exactly be what the fans want to see.
02:23:45.000 Maybe you can influence that.
02:23:47.000 But That's all you can hope for is to influence things a little bit because that's not your job.
02:23:51.000 Their job is to make the movie.
02:23:53.000 I remember when Stephen King first saw The Shining, he was very upset.
02:23:56.000 He was very upset with even Jack Nicholson's performance because Jack Nicholson was crazy from the jump and he didn't want that.
02:24:03.000 He wanted there to be an arc.
02:24:09.000 It's really hard to do.
02:24:27.000 They're competing against one of the icons of American film.
02:24:30.000 The Shining film is like it or hate it.
02:24:33.000 That's in every top 100 out there because it's just so dramatic.
02:24:38.000 Kubrick is such a bad motherfucker.
02:24:40.000 I mean, his movies were so incredible.
02:24:42.000 He was so weird, too.
02:24:44.000 He did shit in that movie where the guy was getting blown by the stuffed animal.
02:24:48.000 Yeah.
02:24:48.000 Like, what the fuck?
02:24:49.000 The furry's going to turn on that shit.
02:24:51.000 What the fuck?
02:24:52.000 His movie was so weird and so strong.
02:24:56.000 But yeah, Stephen King apparently just hated the crap out of that thing.
02:25:00.000 But I've never really got the impression, just being a fan, that he's all of that interested in his movie adaptations.
02:25:06.000 He did Maximum Overdrive, which he was very involved in, and a couple other things, but for the most part, he's largely not part of what goes on in his films, it seems like.
02:25:17.000 So you wonder if that movie was like, alright, screw this, I gotta pay more attention to what's going on.
02:25:21.000 Well, I think he had some huge, like Carrie, the original Carrie, which still to this day, like they tried to do a new Carrie, and it just wasn't happening.
02:25:29.000 They do it every three years now.
02:25:31.000 They do a new Carrie every three friggin' years.
02:25:32.000 It just wasn't happening.
02:25:34.000 The new Carrie, first of all, she was too cute.
02:25:37.000 There's a girl from Kick-Ass.
02:25:38.000 She's adorable.
02:25:39.000 She's cute.
02:25:40.000 She doesn't look like an outsider.
02:25:41.000 Moretz?
02:25:42.000 Chloe Moretz?
02:25:42.000 Yeah, if she moved into a town, what's that?
02:25:44.000 Yeah, she's supposed to be plain looking.
02:25:46.000 Not just plain.
02:25:47.000 She's supposed to be like average.
02:25:49.000 Different.
02:25:50.000 Yeah, the girl's gotta be outsider different.
02:25:53.000 Sissy Spacek was fucking perfect.
02:25:57.000 You just believed her.
02:25:59.000 You believed her in every way.
02:26:01.000 And the scene, the fucking pig's blood scene in that movie where she realized that everybody was fucking with her and she went crazy.
02:26:08.000 I watched that recently.
02:26:10.000 It still holds up.
02:26:11.000 It stands up real well.
02:26:13.000 Who directed that?
02:26:14.000 God, I don't know.
02:26:15.000 Find that guy.
02:26:15.000 I don't know.
02:26:16.000 But that stands up.
02:26:17.000 And I think there have been three Carrie remakes.
02:26:21.000 Really?
02:26:21.000 Yeah.
02:26:22.000 I just saw this one, this more recent one.
02:26:24.000 I didn't even see it.
02:26:25.000 I just saw of it.
02:26:25.000 I'm like, get the fuck out of here.
02:26:27.000 But I'm pumped for the Godzilla one.
02:26:29.000 Oh, fuck yeah, dude.
02:26:30.000 Are you kidding?
02:26:31.000 By the way.
02:26:32.000 Brian De Palma did carry?
02:26:33.000 Yeah.
02:26:33.000 Yeah, the new Godzilla.
02:26:36.000 The last Godzilla was such a friggin' disappointment to me.
02:26:38.000 I was so upset with that one.
02:26:40.000 The new one looks pretty good so far.
02:26:41.000 Well, Matthew Broderick was dreamy.
02:26:43.000 The rest of it was a mess.
02:26:45.000 The rest of it was a big fat mess.
02:26:46.000 Pacific Rim was a mess, man.
02:26:48.000 Pacific Rim was way more of a mess than Godzilla.
02:26:50.000 I was disappointed in Pacific Rim.
02:26:51.000 Oh, it was so bad.
02:26:53.000 Everybody was telling me it was good, too.
02:26:54.000 That was really weird.
02:26:55.000 Real great action, man.
02:26:57.000 You're really going to enjoy it.
02:26:58.000 You can't vote.
02:26:59.000 You can't vote anymore.
02:27:00.000 You saw Pacific Rim and you liked it.
02:27:02.000 That was the worst script ever, and then that one part where the alien was pregnant at the end.
02:27:06.000 I didn't get that far.
02:27:08.000 You know where I got?
02:27:09.000 I got with the guy and his ex-girlfriend were arguing, and I was like, cut.
02:27:13.000 This is so bad.
02:27:15.000 I feel like I'm watching a soap opera.
02:27:16.000 Yeah.
02:27:16.000 A soap opera made on Mars.
02:27:18.000 When I was bashing it on my Twitter, so many people got pissed off at me, like a lot of people.
02:27:22.000 Like, dude, that's a good fucking movie, bro.
02:27:24.000 Well, it's like we were talking about.
02:27:25.000 I don't know what other people see.
02:27:27.000 I don't know what their perception of reality is.
02:27:29.000 I have a feeling that there's a bunch of different perceptions of reality.
02:27:33.000 It's just like people have different ear sizes and different brain power and people are born with different vision.
02:27:40.000 I think some people's perception of reality is fucking weird.
02:27:43.000 And I think that's why they like shitty music and they like shitty movies.
02:27:46.000 I think the filter that they're seeing the world through is very different than the filter that you or I. Maybe that filter is shaped by culture or life experience or the lack of neurochemicals.
02:27:59.000 They don't have enough shit firing and they don't eat cholesterol.
02:28:03.000 Whatever they're missing.
02:28:04.000 They're missing something and they see the world in weird...
02:28:06.000 It's always shocking.
02:28:07.000 That's always shocking.
02:28:08.000 When you watch a movie and you're like...
02:28:09.000 I get this all the time.
02:28:10.000 I watch a movie.
02:28:11.000 I'm like, oh my god, that's the worst stinking pile of crusty dog poo I've ever seen.
02:28:15.000 And then you go to Rotten Tomatoes, it's like 89-90% from the critics.
02:28:19.000 You're like, why are you fucking people?
02:28:20.000 What did you just fucking watch?
02:28:23.000 That's true.
02:28:23.000 Not that I thought that it was that bad, but with Pacific Rim, the thing that just drove me nuts was I paid good money to see a giant monster and a giant robot beat the living shit out of each other.
02:28:33.000 Can you turn off the frigging rainstorm so I can see a little bit of detail on what's going on here?
02:28:38.000 Everything was all grayed out.
02:28:40.000 I'm like, that's not why I paid to see this.
02:28:42.000 Okay.
02:28:42.000 I think they wanted to do that, though, so they could hide the CGI. I don't think it was that bad, though.
02:28:46.000 I don't think the CGI was that bad.
02:28:47.000 CGI has got that weird quality to it.
02:28:50.000 Like, when the Hulk smashed that alien ship, you didn't really think the Hulk was smashing that alien ship in Avengers.
02:28:56.000 Like, you kind of know it's CGI. It doesn't seem real.
02:28:59.000 But if you're watching, like, did you see Rush?
02:29:02.000 The race car movie?
02:29:03.000 No.
02:29:04.000 When they get in a fucking crash, that's a fucking crash.
02:29:07.000 I mean, the race scenes are very realistic, and you feel like you're actually watching a real crash.
02:29:16.000 Whereas I feel like there's some CGI that it's just like, it looks great.
02:29:21.000 Don't get me wrong, I saw the new Thor.
02:29:23.000 Looks great.
02:29:24.000 But I know that's not really happening.
02:29:26.000 I know it's not happening.
02:29:27.000 It's fake.
02:29:28.000 Is it fake enough to take you out of the story?
02:29:30.000 Yes.
02:29:31.000 It is and it isn't.
02:29:32.000 It never allows me to get really deep into the story because I know it's horse shit.
02:29:37.000 The shit that took me out of Thor was knowing exactly what's going to happen Exactly what's going to happen next kind of a thing.
02:29:43.000 It's just hard to get into that particular movie.
02:29:46.000 Well, that's one of the things that I really loved about the new Hobbit movie, is that the special effects they did were just enough.
02:29:53.000 I mean, there was a bunch of craziness.
02:29:54.000 I don't give any spoiler alerts, but up until the time they get to the dragon, there's a few silly scenes, and there was a lot of fun involved and everything.
02:30:02.000 But the dragon itself is so well done, and the scenes are so well lit.
02:30:07.000 Everything about it is so badass.
02:30:09.000 That you go, okay, they did it right.
02:30:11.000 They did this one right.
02:30:12.000 They nailed it.
02:30:12.000 They really did nail it.
02:30:13.000 Okay.
02:30:14.000 But it's hard to do with CGI. Was Desolation of Schman better than the first one?
02:30:18.000 Yes.
02:30:19.000 Yes, it was definitely better than the first one.
02:30:21.000 Well, it can't be the whole movie.
02:30:22.000 And that's part of the problem with Pacific Rim is, you know, you didn't really...
02:30:26.000 I didn't really care about any of those characters.
02:30:28.000 I was just like, let's get out there and see giant things beat the shit out of each other.
02:30:31.000 Dude, I was rooting for the dragon for the last half hour of the movie.
02:30:34.000 Totally rooting for the dragon.
02:30:35.000 He's my favorite person in the movie.
02:30:37.000 He's clever.
02:30:38.000 He's got a lot of gold.
02:30:39.000 And that's what pisses me off is that Rotten Tomatoes was 72% on that movie, or 71% on the Pacific Rim.
02:30:45.000 What?!
02:30:45.000 And I just thought I lost my mind because that acting was horrible.
02:30:49.000 The script was horrible.
02:30:50.000 The fact that you said they didn't even use the sword until like halfway through the movie and that's like the best weapon that robot had or whatever.
02:30:58.000 Right.
02:30:58.000 So dumb.
02:30:59.000 Yeah, I want to find out Rotten Tomatoes for The Hobbit.
02:31:01.000 It'll probably be through the roof.
02:31:03.000 Four stars.
02:31:05.000 76%.
02:31:05.000 Just a little bit better than Pacific Rim.
02:31:07.000 Well, it was way better.
02:31:09.000 To me, at least.
02:31:11.000 But that's my kind of movie.
02:31:12.000 I saw on the Rogan board, there was a lot of people on the message board that fucking hated it.
02:31:15.000 They said it was a piece of shit.
02:31:16.000 They walked out in the middle of it.
02:31:18.000 Angry little cunts.
02:31:19.000 Angry...
02:31:21.000 Angry little cunts.
02:31:22.000 Anchorman?
02:31:23.000 They weren't high enough.
02:31:24.000 Anchorman too?
02:31:26.000 I love the trailer.
02:31:27.000 Trailer looks amazing.
02:31:28.000 It's not...
02:31:28.000 There's two things.
02:31:29.000 It's not as good as the first one, but the first one has so much headroom in it, you enjoy it anyways.
02:31:33.000 And the second one, like, take the goddamn camera off Steve Carell.
02:31:36.000 I'm like, I'm not...
02:31:37.000 This doesn't do anything for the movie.
02:31:39.000 He's good in little bits, but he had like 15 minutes of solo screen time.
02:31:43.000 Someone's a Carell hater.
02:31:44.000 Both of you, maybe.
02:31:45.000 No, no.
02:31:46.000 Not a curl hitter.
02:31:47.000 It's just that character was good.
02:31:49.000 He's a punchline.
02:31:50.000 He's not the whole joke.
02:31:52.000 Other than that, there's some funny shit in that movie.
02:31:56.000 I am a huge Will Ferrell fan.
02:31:58.000 He could do no wrong.
02:31:59.000 I love fucking the Step Brothers movie.
02:32:02.000 What was that movie?
02:32:03.000 Step Brothers.
02:32:04.000 It was called Step Brothers.
02:32:05.000 I'm a huge Talladega Night fan.
02:32:08.000 Talladega Nights is fucking hilarious.
02:32:10.000 God damn, he's funny.
02:32:11.000 He's just so stupid and silly.
02:32:13.000 You know, just really knows how to nail that silly character.
02:32:17.000 Yeah.
02:32:18.000 I've not seen anything of his I don't like.
02:32:20.000 Have you seen Casa de Mi Padre?
02:32:23.000 Is that his serious movie?
02:32:24.000 What is it?
02:32:24.000 It's like a Mexican movie.
02:32:26.000 The whole thing, he talks Spanish in it.
02:32:28.000 There's no English in the whole entire movie.
02:32:30.000 It's like an old Mexican movie.
02:32:32.000 How old is it?
02:32:33.000 Last year, yeah.
02:32:35.000 Oh, no shit.
02:32:36.000 So it's a new movie.
02:32:37.000 Yeah.
02:32:37.000 I haven't heard a peep about this.
02:32:39.000 This is a comedy?
02:32:40.000 Yeah, it's trying to be.
02:32:43.000 Didn't work, huh?
02:32:44.000 Well, I mean, it's very lower budget, because it's actually, I mean, it only got 5.5 on IMDb, so it's not that good of a movie.
02:32:50.000 But it was just interesting to see him actually play, you know, not using any English through the whole movie.
02:32:55.000 It was He should have just remade The Three Amigos.
02:32:57.000 That's what he should have done.
02:32:58.000 That'd be great.
02:32:59.000 Talladega Nights is one of my all-time favorites.
02:33:02.000 It's great.
02:33:02.000 It's just so stupid.
02:33:03.000 It was so silly and stupid.
02:33:06.000 Those movies also are good.
02:33:08.000 They seem to cross generational lines.
02:33:09.000 Like when I go see my brother, they want to watch Step Brothers.
02:33:13.000 Yeah.
02:33:13.000 My nephews want to watch Step Brothers.
02:33:15.000 I think it's hysterical.
02:33:15.000 I'm like, I know you're not getting all this humor, but that's a funny movie.
02:33:18.000 Well, you'd be surprised.
02:33:20.000 I think any kid over 10 is probably good to go with that movie.
02:33:24.000 Today, with the internet, they're probably good to go.
02:33:27.000 They got 10. They're showing each other's dicks and exchanging emails.
02:33:31.000 At the same time, you know, making someone eat a pile of poop off the lawn, that's just funny no matter how old you are.
02:33:38.000 That's a good flick.
02:33:39.000 Yeah, that's good for three-year-olds.
02:33:40.000 That'll work.
02:33:41.000 That'll work on everyone in the family.
02:33:44.000 Everyone except people who are uptight.
02:33:46.000 Joe, have you noticed, like, I'm sure you have noticed, the last UFC, Jam Man showed me this, and now I can't stop looking at it, is how many people wear headphones now around their necks after every fight or before a fight?
02:33:57.000 They're not hooked up to anything?
02:33:58.000 Well, no, there's the new Beats ones that are wireless.
02:34:02.000 Have you seen those?
02:34:03.000 Beats Studio Wireless.
02:34:05.000 But yeah, a lot of people are wearing monster ones with no cords.
02:34:08.000 It's just they're getting paid.
02:34:09.000 Yeah, that's interesting.
02:34:10.000 Well, you used to see them with those energy drinks.
02:34:11.000 They'd hold up the energy drink.
02:34:12.000 Well, you know, I felt the fight really turned around for me in a second.
02:34:17.000 I actually looked, I was watching that UFC with my wife, and we actually looked at the headphones.
02:34:22.000 She said, oh, look, they got all the beats.
02:34:23.000 I'm like, I don't think those are beats.
02:34:25.000 And then we actually looked up the logo, because it was a different logo for the Monster headphones.
02:34:29.000 And all of a sudden, I'm like, wow, somebody else is getting in on that action.
02:34:32.000 This is because Ariane does not want to listen to Britney talk.
02:34:35.000 That's why she's got these on.
02:34:36.000 They don't have any cords in them.
02:34:39.000 Britney's talking some shit, and Ariane's like, bitch, I can't even hear you.
02:34:43.000 She's so pretty.
02:34:44.000 They're both so pretty.
02:34:45.000 Such pretty, pretty girls.
02:34:47.000 Oh, so pretty!
02:34:49.000 With their monster beats, they're even more pretty.
02:34:51.000 They're techno.
02:34:53.000 They make their little heads look like anime dolls.
02:34:55.000 This is a good commercial for those monsters, the wireless ones, where there's a dude who's on a team bus.
02:35:01.000 He's apparently going somewhere to play against.
02:35:04.000 Kevin Garnett.
02:35:04.000 They're throwing eggs at the bus, and then he puts those on, and the music plays, and they're all saying, go home, go home, and he's smiling, just walking past everybody.
02:35:11.000 It's Kevin Garnett.
02:35:12.000 Who does he do?
02:35:13.000 He's a basketball player.
02:35:14.000 I don't know.
02:35:15.000 He used to play for Boston Celtics and I can't think of who he's playing for now but I believe the bus is going back to Boston and people are booing him and he puts those things out.
02:35:23.000 It's a great commercial.
02:35:24.000 It's excellent.
02:35:24.000 They should all be mouthing nigger.
02:35:26.000 I don't think so.
02:35:28.000 Because it was Boston, if you really want to show what could happen, really want to sell some fucking soundproof.
02:35:37.000 He also brought them, he helped bring them a championship, so I don't know.
02:35:41.000 Yeah, but if they're really angry Boston people, trust me, they'll say.
02:35:44.000 I'm uncomfortable with this conversation, Joe.
02:35:46.000 Extremely uncomfortable with all of this now.
02:35:48.000 You're an author.
02:35:49.000 Come on, I'm making fiction.
02:35:50.000 I'm putting words into people's mouths.
02:35:52.000 I'm making characters.
02:35:53.000 The asshole racist character from Boston.
02:35:55.000 Yes, and that could someday go in a book, and that's the bad guy.
02:35:58.000 Here's a question.
02:35:59.000 When you are confronted with scenarios like that, like, say, if you have a racist character in your film, or in your book, rather, and you're constructing him, do you hold back on certain things you think other people would find offensive,
02:36:15.000 or do you try to paint him in as vile a way as possible, which would include someone yelling out racist things like that?
02:36:22.000 There's...
02:36:24.000 There's my own self-checking on that, and a lot of times I kind of have to get over myself.
02:36:29.000 Like, this is...
02:36:31.000 This is language that I don't like and can't stand, but this character is not me and have to get to the point where the character would actually use it.
02:36:38.000 Yeah.
02:36:38.000 Because those people are out there, and that's largely what I have to explain with my fiction a ton.
02:36:43.000 Like, why would you put that in your book?
02:36:45.000 That's not funny or that's not cool.
02:36:47.000 Like, yes, but there are people out there who do that.
02:36:50.000 This is reality.
02:36:51.000 There's really people like this.
02:36:52.000 So to make the story feel real, we put these real assholes we have to deal with every day, put them in the book.
02:36:57.000 So I'll use them.
02:36:58.000 What's fascinating to me is the amount of pushback I get from over on the publisher side.
02:37:04.000 The publisher side, you come out with that language of the character like, we're going to have to dial that down.
02:37:07.000 I'm like, he's a Klan member.
02:37:09.000 No, we're not going to dial that down.
02:37:10.000 He's burning a cross.
02:37:11.000 He's a Klan member.
02:37:12.000 And they'll be like, no, we can't have that.
02:37:14.000 And those are one of the things, like I mentioned earlier, that's one of the things I had to put my foot down.
02:37:17.000 I'm like, that's going in the book because that's real life and people actually say that.
02:37:22.000 And so that can get tricky.
02:37:24.000 But if you're doing horror right or any kind of writing right, I think there's a lot of stuff you cross that makes you feel super icky.
02:37:32.000 Like, you know, am I influencing someone to perform these kind of acts by putting it in the book?
02:37:38.000 And most of the crazy violent shit that's always in the back of your head, because my books are ridiculously violent, and always in the back of your head, like, okay, but what if someday some messed up kid reads my book and then says, I'm going to go reenact this torture scene on somebody?
02:37:51.000 And am I eventually going to be responsible for that?
02:37:53.000 So that's always a thought, and the racist stuff is a thought too, but largely just you let it roll.
02:37:59.000 Like, if you think that's what a real person would do and talk like and act like, then that goes in the book.
02:38:03.000 That was the argument when American Psycho came out.
02:38:07.000 I read it in the 80s.
02:38:09.000 When it first came out, Brett Easton Ellis' book, which is really fucking dark.
02:38:14.000 If you think the movie's dark with Christian Bale, it is literally nothing compared to that book.
02:38:21.000 That book is fucking dark.
02:38:22.000 And I remember some people that I knew that had read it who were really offended.
02:38:28.000 They were really angry and offended, and they were saying, like, this isn't good writing.
02:38:33.000 He just is describing really fucked up things that make you uncomfortable.
02:38:36.000 And then he goes on to the next fucked up thing, and the guy just keeps getting away with shit.
02:38:40.000 I didn't see that.
02:38:41.000 What I saw was this intense view into a potentially real person.
02:38:49.000 I mean, there are fucking serial killers.
02:38:51.000 They do exist.
02:38:53.000 They have murdered people.
02:38:54.000 We're good to go.
02:39:16.000 Right.
02:39:24.000 Right.
02:39:28.000 Right.
02:39:40.000 They're getting revenge or getting fair desserts on someone.
02:39:43.000 So being able to write from the perspective of someone who's doing awful, horrible shit, but they don't think it's horrible, that's one of the tricks to doing it.
02:39:51.000 That's what he did in that book, is the main character...
02:39:55.000 You don't really catch him going, I'm going to commit acts of evil.
02:39:58.000 He's just doing what he thinks is what should be done.
02:40:01.000 What he wants to do.
02:40:02.000 What he wants to do.
02:40:03.000 What he needs to do.
02:40:04.000 As we all do in human beings, those things we need to do, we find a way to morally justify them.
02:40:09.000 Whatever it is that you do that you may know is a bit squishy in the eyes of society, there's another part of your head that checks and balances the system that goes, it's okay if you do it and here's why.
02:40:18.000 It's even a good thing that you do it and here's why.
02:40:21.000 And that's what he did in that book.
02:40:23.000 And that's...
02:40:24.000 That's part of the screwed up part of writing.
02:40:26.000 And if you're just not writing superficial good guy, bad guy, Dudley Do-Right saves a day against Snidely Whiplash, and those stories are perfectly fine and people love them.
02:40:35.000 But if you're actually trying to get into the point where you make that bad guy, where you feel for the bad guy and empathize with the bad guy, that's tricky stuff.
02:40:43.000 And my goal at the end of my books is if there's a showdown between the good guy and the bad guy, is you're not really sure who you're rooting for.
02:40:53.000 If you've done it right, the reader's not really sure who they want to win that fight, even though one is morally reprehensible and the other one is supposedly good.
02:41:00.000 Well, you don't want to set up obvious paradigms and obvious characters that seem to have been repeated over and over again throughout time and more complex and weird.
02:41:09.000 And Tony Soprano-like, you can get the...
02:41:11.000 I mean, Sopranos was one of my favorite shows ever.
02:41:15.000 And one of the things I really liked about it was that Tony Soprano was a fucking murderer.
02:41:18.000 He was an evil scumbag murderer that you were rooting for.
02:41:21.000 Yep.
02:41:22.000 I mean, it was a very, very fascinating way that they danced with that.
02:41:28.000 And I think what Bret Easton Ellis did in that book was completely unapologetic.
02:41:34.000 And that's why I found it so fascinating.
02:41:36.000 Because the way he described the horrific, sickening way he described these crimes was, you know, I mean, it was so clinical.
02:41:46.000 That it almost is like done in the mind of a psychopath.
02:41:49.000 Like, I didn't necessarily even enjoy it.
02:41:51.000 I just think it was really good.
02:41:53.000 There was parts of that book that are like, the part where he shows up to clean up some bodies that he left behind and the entire apartment had been cleaned.
02:42:03.000 And he locks eyes at the real estate agent.
02:42:05.000 And the real estate agent is this woman who's like selling the place.
02:42:09.000 And she's like, I know what you did.
02:42:10.000 Get the fuck out of here.
02:42:11.000 And they exchange this look.
02:42:13.000 It's a really fascinating scene of two monsters running into each other.
02:42:17.000 One of them a murderer, the other one a psychopath or sociopath.
02:42:21.000 And that's one of my favorite parts of that book.
02:42:23.000 And both of them, I don't remember that part, but both of them think that they did the right thing.
02:42:28.000 They did the right thing.
02:42:29.000 He's going to sell that apartment for fucking five million bucks or whatever the hell it was.
02:42:32.000 And he was going in there to clean up the bodies that he left in the tub covered in acid.
02:42:37.000 Or whatever the fuck he did.
02:42:38.000 I forget what it was.
02:42:39.000 But yeah, those really evil characters that you create, that's an interesting thing for me.
02:42:47.000 Because like...
02:42:48.000 Like this description of the guy coming down with those headphones on.
02:42:52.000 You know, the guy's walking down, people yelling shit.
02:42:55.000 They're obviously saying angry things.
02:42:57.000 Like, what would they say?
02:42:58.000 Would they say, fuck you, is that okay if you see...
02:43:01.000 Would you mouth that?
02:43:02.000 Would you mouth, you know, you're going to die.
02:43:05.000 Maybe we'll go with you.
02:43:06.000 We're going to kill you.
02:43:07.000 You're going to die.
02:43:07.000 You're going to see you mouth that.
02:43:08.000 But you can't say nigger.
02:43:09.000 Right.
02:43:10.000 Don't do that.
02:43:10.000 Well, you're making evil people.
02:43:11.000 You're making evil people, though.
02:43:12.000 That's fascinating.
02:43:13.000 We can threaten your life, and we can get away with, like, we're going to kill you.
02:43:16.000 They can mouth that in a commercial, and that's probably okay.
02:43:19.000 But the other side, that's totally done.
02:43:21.000 No one's going to put that on tape.
02:43:22.000 Well, it's just this fascinating thing about creating fiction.
02:43:25.000 The fascinating thing about fiction is when you're creating an evil person, like what you're saying about will a person duplicate your acts?
02:43:32.000 Will they create copycat crimes?
02:43:34.000 Will they start looking into your way of describing things and recreating it in a horrific way in the real world that you'll feel responsible for?
02:43:42.000 Whether it's a racist thing, whether it's a violent thing, or whatever it is.
02:43:47.000 That's a fascinating thing to have to think about when you're creating fiction, is that you may be reinforcing or even perhaps inspiring an idea that's ultimately very evil.
02:43:57.000 I think that in the instances where art has influenced people to go do something, those people are looking for that moral justification even though they don't know they're doing it.
02:44:08.000 When the Night Stalker killer was out, if ACDC hadn't wrote the song Night Stalker, that guy would have found something else.
02:44:15.000 That guy would have found something else to validate his need to go out and kill.
02:44:20.000 That's easy for you to say, but if he did what you wrote in your book...
02:44:23.000 Yeah, that would be super difficult to deal with, but I've kind of thought this through several times because I write some fucked up shit.
02:44:30.000 Yeah.
02:44:32.000 If it happens, how am I going to feel about that?
02:44:35.000 And I've already kind of, you know, because I'm not a bad guy either.
02:44:38.000 I'm just like the people I'm talking about.
02:44:39.000 I don't think I'm a bad guy.
02:44:40.000 I pre-justified that with that guy or that girl would have found something to latch onto and would have gone out and killed based on, you know, an Anne Rice story instead of my story.
02:44:50.000 Yeah, I'm very fascinated by the influence of something creative like that, whether it's a film that inspires Taxi Driver, which inspired John Hinckley.
02:45:00.000 I'm fascinated by that strange link between a creation, a creative creation...
02:45:06.000 That's turned into a movie or a book and how it influences people and how you can catch someone who's got the wrong fucking chemicals floating around in their brain and they read any one of your books and decide to enact a scene.
02:45:18.000 There was a guy who was arrested in Vancouver for enacting a dextracine.
02:45:23.000 Yeah, he was...
02:45:24.000 Oh, I didn't heard that.
02:45:25.000 Yeah, he fucking killed somebody.
02:45:27.000 He Dexter'd him.
02:45:27.000 The guy was a huge Dexter fan, and he wound up killing somebody.
02:45:30.000 I'm a huge Dexter fan.
02:45:32.000 Hmm.
02:45:33.000 I was a huge Dexter fan for season one.
02:45:35.000 Yeah.
02:45:36.000 You didn't like the best season, though.
02:45:39.000 John Lithgow?
02:45:40.000 Shut up.
02:45:40.000 Did you not watch that season?
02:45:41.000 I couldn't watch it.
02:45:42.000 He had a bad rear naked choke.
02:45:43.000 It was terrible technique.
02:45:46.000 Listen...
02:45:48.000 I'm a jujitsu practitioner.
02:45:50.000 I know what it looks like when you choke somebody.
02:45:52.000 It doesn't look like that.
02:45:53.000 That was terrible.
02:45:54.000 If I was on that set, I'd be like, come here, bitch.
02:45:57.000 Let me choke you.
02:45:58.000 I'm going to show you what it feels like to be choked.
02:45:59.000 You can't act like that.
02:46:01.000 You can't act like that when you're choking or you're not even squeezing.
02:46:03.000 I'll tell you something interesting.
02:46:04.000 I'm sure this is old hat.
02:46:05.000 You've been on dozens of TV sets.
02:46:07.000 We did our first TV set visit ever for Justified.
02:46:10.000 We got to go there.
02:46:11.000 They're shooting episode number seven because the people making Justified are interested in making a new series.
02:46:16.000 So we get to go watch Timothy Oliphant do his thing.
02:46:20.000 Which one's that guy?
02:46:21.000 He's the marshal, the one who wears the hat.
02:46:24.000 Okay.
02:46:25.000 And he was in, what was he in before this?
02:46:27.000 Deadwood.
02:46:27.000 Deadwood, right.
02:46:28.000 He was another guy who wore a hat and shot people in Deadwood.
02:46:30.000 And then there's the other guy that's from The Shield, that really good actor from The Shield that's in that as well.
02:46:34.000 I don't know which...
02:46:35.000 The guy who played, he was one of the cops, one of the dirty cops.
02:46:39.000 Oh, no, no, no.
02:46:40.000 That's Walter Goggins.
02:46:41.000 Yeah, he plays a bad guy.
02:46:42.000 Yes.
02:46:43.000 Yeah, he's freaking phenomenal.
02:46:45.000 The two of them, if you've never watched Justify, the two of them together are lights out.
02:46:48.000 The best acting duo on TV, in my opinion, hands down.
02:46:51.000 Is that a really good show?
02:46:52.000 Oh, it's amazing.
02:46:53.000 Really?
02:46:53.000 So good.
02:46:54.000 It's so good.
02:46:54.000 How come I don't hear about it?
02:46:55.000 Is that catching hype?
02:46:57.000 Oh, it's starting to catch on.
02:46:59.000 It's heading to season five, which starts tonight, actually.
02:47:01.000 Season five premieres on tonight.
02:47:02.000 Season five?
02:47:03.000 So I can start now and I can get four seasons?
02:47:06.000 You can get four seasons.
02:47:06.000 Is this an advertisement for Justified?
02:47:08.000 No!
02:47:09.000 Have we snuck in an advertisement?
02:47:11.000 John Lethkoe choking himself.
02:47:13.000 Here's why you'd like it.
02:47:14.000 Here's why you'd like it.
02:47:15.000 It's basically the character is a total psychopath who's wearing a badge.
02:47:20.000 And functions perfectly normal in society.
02:47:22.000 But when it comes point to arrest a guy, instead of him just pulling the gun and going, okay, put your hands up, I got you, he leaves the gun in the holster, and he's always like, I can take you and you're going to serve life in jail.
02:47:32.000 Or, you can draw that gun, and if you shoot me down, you get to walk away.
02:47:36.000 Don't tell me anymore.
02:47:37.000 Don't tell me anymore.
02:47:37.000 I don't want to know this.
02:47:38.000 How dare you?
02:47:39.000 I'm sorry.
02:47:40.000 Spoiler alert, guy.
02:47:41.000 I'm sorry.
02:47:42.000 Son of a bee.
02:47:43.000 But we got to go on the set, and Timothy Oliphant's reading the script, and his very fanboy is super cool.
02:47:49.000 And then he turns over and talks to the real Marshall, who's been the consultant on the show for all four years.
02:47:55.000 And Timothy asks him a question like, would my guy do this?
02:47:59.000 And you could see the Marshall...
02:48:01.000 Sweating it a little bit because he knows what he's going to say.
02:48:03.000 It's going to screw up a lot of work.
02:48:05.000 And basically what he says is, yeah, you wouldn't go for point A, B, C, D, and E to F. If you were me, you would have just gone straight to F and been done with it.
02:48:11.000 And then you can tell they're now going to go back and do rewrites.
02:48:14.000 Much like the John Lithgow thing with the bad rear naked choke.
02:48:17.000 They're so hoping it's going to be as realistic as possible, they're going to have to go change a bunch of crap.
02:48:22.000 Yeah, when I saw that rear naked choke, I thought I was watching a TV show from the 80s.
02:48:27.000 Might as well be a Vulcan nerve pinch.
02:48:30.000 Vulcan nerve pinch is more believable, because at least he's an alien.
02:48:34.000 John Lithgow's an old man with shitty biceps.
02:48:38.000 Killing some lady in a bathtub.
02:48:39.000 She's not even fighting back.
02:48:41.000 People fight like wild animals when you're trying to kill them.
02:48:44.000 It's crazy.
02:48:45.000 That's an unrealistic portrayal of death.
02:48:48.000 Well, that took you out of the story.
02:48:49.000 That's a good season, though.
02:48:50.000 I agree.
02:48:51.000 That's a really good season.
02:48:51.000 How dare you?
02:48:52.000 And it starts terrible.
02:48:54.000 Starts with the worst rear naked choke scene in the history of TV. I'm a stickler for technique when it comes to shows.
02:49:02.000 Is that the girl he's choking up?
02:49:03.000 Let me tell you something.
02:49:04.000 It ain't that easy, bitch.
02:49:05.000 Her whole right side is wide open.
02:49:07.000 She doesn't have the hand over the top of the head.
02:49:08.000 She doesn't have jack shit.
02:49:10.000 Yeah, curl that up.
02:49:11.000 Not only that, she's not fighting hard enough.
02:49:12.000 Her face isn't red.
02:49:15.000 They're both naked.
02:49:17.000 This is a rear naked choke, though, for real.
02:49:20.000 Because they are...
02:49:21.000 In a bathtub.
02:49:22.000 There's no way, by the way, you get into that bathtub without anybody getting totally wet.
02:49:25.000 Everybody would be soaking wet.
02:49:27.000 She'd be fighting for her life and flopping around.
02:49:29.000 You wouldn't get behind her naked and be able to do this.
02:49:31.000 This is ridiculous.
02:49:32.000 A ridiculous position.
02:49:34.000 This is terrible.
02:49:35.000 Season sucks.
02:49:35.000 I changed my mind.
02:49:37.000 Screw that show.
02:49:37.000 Fucking bullshit.
02:49:39.000 Yeah, I think that Dexter just went...
02:49:41.000 It started just getting weird.
02:49:43.000 Started getting weird and not believable after like the first season.
02:49:46.000 You know, but...
02:49:46.000 I feel...
02:49:47.000 Look, from a creative perspective, once they got through season two and three, maybe to season four...
02:49:53.000 It's really hard to keep that shtick going.
02:49:55.000 He's the serial killer who kills serial killers.
02:49:57.000 There's only so much.
02:49:58.000 The challenges to that writing team were significant.
02:50:01.000 How do we keep this going because we're making money and make the best show we can?
02:50:04.000 It had to be really hard.
02:50:05.000 Well, the problem is also the dude stopped looking scary.
02:50:08.000 If you look at Dexter in season one, he was yoked.
02:50:11.000 Yeah.
02:50:12.000 They were talking about him being like a martial arts expert.
02:50:15.000 He had this thick neck and traps and everything.
02:50:17.000 And he looked creepy and scary.
02:50:19.000 You know, he looked like a guy who could fuck somebody up.
02:50:21.000 Yep.
02:50:22.000 But you look at him after he got sick, unfortunately, he got, what did he have, like leukemia or something like that?
02:50:26.000 He had cancer.
02:50:27.000 He had to go through chemo, and he was really fucking skinny for a long time.
02:50:31.000 And then you're like, well, now I'm not buying him, ragdolling all these people.
02:50:34.000 Before, I bought him as this really crazy, super strong guy who was also a serial killer and was just using his sickness to get rid of bad people.
02:50:44.000 I was like, this is a fascinating concept.
02:50:46.000 But after a while, I was like...
02:50:47.000 Bitch!
02:50:48.000 That's Scott Saylor.
02:50:49.000 Yeah.
02:50:49.000 Holding back the cough.
02:50:50.000 Yeah.
02:50:50.000 Try it.
02:50:51.000 Listen, man.
02:50:53.000 Congratulations on everything.
02:50:54.000 That is huge, huge news that you've got these two things in the works.
02:50:57.000 And, you know, I wish you all the best, man.
02:50:59.000 Thank you.
02:50:59.000 And let me know when your new stuff comes out.
02:51:02.000 I'll be happy to tweet it for you.
02:51:03.000 We'll be happy to talk about it on the podcast.
02:51:05.000 Sweet.
02:51:05.000 We really appreciate it, man.
02:51:06.000 It's really fun talking to you.
02:51:07.000 Really insightful, too.
02:51:08.000 I love digging into someone's creative process.
02:51:11.000 Yeah, it's fun.
02:51:11.000 Why are you showing that gay guy again?
02:51:13.000 Yeah.
02:51:15.000 He's a gay guy, but he's badass.
02:51:17.000 That guy probably has three cocks.
02:51:19.000 Just remind people, go to the website, find that book, put in the code DEATHSQUAD, get that e-book for free.
02:51:25.000 Yes, Title Fight.
02:51:27.000 And Scott Sigler, they can get you on Twitter at Scott Sigler and online at scottsigler.com.
02:51:33.000 Oh, and sorry, pandemic tour.
02:51:36.000 I'm on book tour starting January 18th.
02:51:38.000 Oh, beautiful.
02:51:39.000 People can go to the homepage, scottsigler.com.
02:51:41.000 It's right on the right sidebar, and we will be in L.A. What's the date of L.A.? We'll be in LA on the 27th.
02:51:49.000 So anybody in LA, come out.
02:51:50.000 January 27th?
02:51:51.000 January 27th, LA. Where at?
02:51:52.000 At Mysterious Galaxy.
02:51:54.000 Mysterious Galaxy.
02:51:54.000 What the fuck is that?
02:51:55.000 That is a sci-fi bookstore.
02:51:57.000 That sounds awesome.
02:51:58.000 I love that place.
02:51:59.000 It's pretty sweet.
02:51:59.000 It's pretty sweet.
02:51:59.000 All right.
02:52:00.000 Let us know.
02:52:01.000 We'll tweet it.
02:52:01.000 We'll let people know.
02:52:02.000 Great.
02:52:03.000 Thank you very much, man.
02:52:03.000 I really appreciate it.
02:52:04.000 Thank you for having me again.
02:52:04.000 Much love.
02:52:05.000 We got so many new fans out of the show, and I'm so excited to be on here again.
02:52:07.000 You're going to get more.
02:52:08.000 I guarantee you, man.
02:52:08.000 Sweet.
02:52:08.000 You do great stuff, and congratulations.
02:52:10.000 And I love watching someone work hard and watching it pay off.
02:52:13.000 I think it's very inspirational.
02:52:14.000 Thank you.
02:52:15.000 Thanks to our sponsors.
02:52:16.000 Thanks to Stamps.com.
02:52:18.000 Go to Stamps.com.
02:52:19.000 And before you do anything else, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in JRE and get a $110 bonus offer.
02:52:26.000 Thanks also to Squarespace.
02:52:30.000 Squarespace.com.
02:52:32.000 Use the code JOE and the number 1 and build your website.
02:52:37.000 And then tweet it to hashtag pound...
02:52:41.000 JRE Squarespace and four of you will win a free year of Squarespace and a cool swag bag.
02:52:48.000 So enjoy it, you dirty freaks.
02:52:50.000 Thanks also to Onnit.com.
02:52:52.000 O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGEN. Save 10% off any and all supplements.
02:52:56.000 We love the fuck out of you people and we'll be back tomorrow with my good friend Dr. Mark Gordon, a specialist in traumatic brain injury specialist.
02:53:05.000 And hormones, and he's going to teach you how to protect your liver when you drink too much booze, and all kinds of cool shit.
02:53:11.000 He's a fascinating, just fucking torrential downpour of information, this guy.
02:53:16.000 So tomorrow will be very fun.
02:53:18.000 Alright, until then, go fuck yourself, and keep it real.
02:53:23.000 Keep it real, y'all.
02:53:42.000 Now.