The Joe Rogan Experience - July 01, 2014


Joe Rogan Experience #518 - Matt Fulchiron


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 57 minutes

Words per Minute

189.04263

Word Count

33,470

Sentence Count

4,101

Misogynist Sentences

163

Hate Speech Sentences

104


Summary

Ting is a mobile service company that is an independent company that uses Sprint. What they do is they rent time on Sprint so you get the same service you would get with Sprint but they have it set up their way, and their way is they want to do things as ethically and ethically as possible. They want to make it as above board as possible, especially when you have contracts and early termination fees, and if you want to get out of things, it s very difficult. That s one of the things Ting has avoided. They don t have any contracts. Cancel any time you want. They think it s silly. And they also have a brilliant way where you only pay for what you use. So instead of having 120 minutes a month or whatever your pay thing is, if you use less than that, you get a service for less minutes per month because you don t use all your minutes. And then you have all these minutes that you didn t use but you did pay for them. You have to pay over the course of several years that you have your contract, you pay what the difference is. So if you're paying $199 but the phone is actually a $600 phone, you owe them $401 that you'll have to be paid for the whole thing over the whole course of your contract. That's a $400 that you pay for over the entire month. And this is all something you might not even realize it, but you might be shocked at how easy it is to save money using Ting. And if you choose to use Ting, you might save money on your service. You might be surprised at how much you can save money! and this is a lot of money you can get on your phone, and you can have a phone that's better than most other options that you can buy for less than $500 a month. You own it for $500, you own it, you don't even pay for it. You don't have to wait for a new phone. You just pay for the phone to be used over a year, you just pay what you actually use it. you get it for it it s not $500. You get it. It s $500 and you have it for free, you re not paying for it, right? You get the phone you actually get it, not $200, you ll get it back over $400, you can use it in the future, you


Transcript

00:00:03.000 Hello, my friends.
00:00:05.000 Hello, people out there in cyberland.
00:00:07.000 Hello, human beings listening to ones and zeros being transmitted through computers, allegedly.
00:00:13.000 I don't even know how this works.
00:00:15.000 This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Ting.
00:00:18.000 Ting is a mobile service company that is an independent company that uses Sprint.
00:00:22.000 What they do is they rent time on Sprint, so you get the same service that you would get with Sprint, but they have it set up their way, and their way is they want to do things as...
00:00:32.000 Evenly and ethically and just as...
00:00:36.000 They want to make it as above board as possible.
00:00:40.000 A lot of the things you pay for when you pay for cell phones are not necessary, especially when you have contracts and early termination fees and if you want to get out of things, it's very difficult.
00:00:52.000 That's one of the things that Ting has avoided.
00:00:54.000 They don't have any contracts.
00:00:55.000 Cancel any time you want.
00:00:56.000 They don't have any early termination fees.
00:00:58.000 They think it's silly.
00:00:59.000 And they also have it set up in a very brilliant way where you only pay for what you use.
00:01:04.000 So instead of having 120 minutes a month or whatever it is a month, whatever your pay thing is, if you use less than that, it's not like the company calls you up and says, hey, you should probably have a service for less minutes because you don't use all your minutes,
00:01:22.000 and then you have all these minutes that you didn't use, but you did pay for them.
00:01:25.000 The way Ting has it, you pay for what you use, and you would be shocked!
00:01:30.000 At how easy it is to save money.
00:01:32.000 98% of people would save money using Ting.
00:01:35.000 I don't know about the coverage, but I know because, you know, I feel like at this point in time, Sprint, like Joey Diaz loves Sprint.
00:01:45.000 He's had Sprint for like 10 years.
00:01:47.000 Don't text him on it, though.
00:01:48.000 Well, you can't text him.
00:01:49.000 He won't accept phone messages.
00:01:51.000 He won't accept text messages.
00:01:53.000 If you call him, he wants to see Matt Fultron called, you know, missed call Matt Fultron.
00:01:58.000 Yeah, no voicemail.
00:01:59.000 No voicemail.
00:02:00.000 But this is not like some Hick cell phone company.
00:02:04.000 This is the Sprint backbone.
00:02:06.000 So it's one of the best cell phone providers in the country.
00:02:09.000 So you get the exact same service.
00:02:11.000 But you own your phone.
00:02:12.000 They'll sell you an iPhone 5 for $260.
00:02:15.000 They sell you all the best Android phones.
00:02:17.000 And you actually pay for the phone.
00:02:19.000 Instead of what's going on when you go to a lot of places like the bigger name places and you get a phone that's $500.
00:02:26.000 It's not really $500.
00:02:27.000 It's probably more.
00:02:30.000 But you have to pay over the course of several years that you have your contract.
00:02:35.000 You pay what the difference is.
00:02:36.000 So if you're paying $199, but the phone is actually a $600 phone, You owe them $401 that you'll have to pay for over the course of your contract.
00:02:46.000 That's one of the reasons why when you try to leave your contract, you have to pay money to get out of it.
00:02:50.000 And this is all something you've signed.
00:02:52.000 You might not even realize it.
00:02:53.000 That's how it was for the longest time.
00:02:56.000 Contracts and early termination fees and paying for X amount of minutes per month.
00:03:01.000 And Ting has just stepped in and stopped all that nonsense.
00:03:04.000 And I think it's going to be the model that all cell phone companies use in the future.
00:03:08.000 But right now, Ting's using it.
00:03:09.000 They have that new Nexus 5, which is fucking badass.
00:03:12.000 They have some badass Google phones now.
00:03:14.000 $349.
00:03:15.000 You own it.
00:03:16.000 That's it.
00:03:16.000 You never have to...
00:03:17.000 There's no payments.
00:03:18.000 There's no, you know...
00:03:19.000 That's it.
00:03:20.000 The conversation's done.
00:03:20.000 It's over.
00:03:21.000 And if you want to leave, you're like, Fuck you, Ting!
00:03:24.000 I got what I wanted.
00:03:26.000 Right over to MetroPCS?
00:03:29.000 Hop over to AT&T. Who cares?
00:03:29.000 Hop over to them.
00:03:32.000 They don't mind.
00:03:34.000 But use the code word ROGAN. Go to rogan.ting.com, the URL, rogan.ting.com, and you can save $25 off of any of Ting's beautiful and delicious new mobile devices.
00:03:46.000 That's rogan.ting.com.
00:03:50.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.
00:03:52.000 That is O-N-N-I-T, a human optimization website.
00:03:56.000 If you're looking to get in shape, you dirty bitches, if you're looking to get it in gear, start to look sexy for the summer, pick up some kettlebells and battle ropes And pick up one of those Keith Weber kettlebell cardio DVDs.
00:04:10.000 Oh my goodness.
00:04:11.000 Extreme kettlebell cardio DVDs.
00:04:13.000 One and two.
00:04:14.000 They're fucking fantastic.
00:04:16.000 I love these videos.
00:04:17.000 Because just do what he does and you're guaranteed to want to have a heart attack.
00:04:21.000 Just keep up.
00:04:22.000 Just keep up.
00:04:23.000 That's all you have to do.
00:04:24.000 And you see him doing it, so you just try to do it with him.
00:04:28.000 It's even better than going to a gym.
00:04:30.000 A lot of times when you go to a gym, how often does the guy lift weights with you?
00:04:34.000 Not very often, but when you're following one of those DVDs, you literally have to follow him.
00:04:39.000 He's doing it.
00:04:40.000 You've got to do it too.
00:04:41.000 Don't be a bitch.
00:04:42.000 Can't slack off.
00:04:43.000 Awesome workout.
00:04:44.000 And really good for the body too.
00:04:46.000 It's a full body exercise type deal.
00:04:49.000 It's with kettlebells.
00:04:51.000 And if you haven't used kettlebells, the number one urge that I have every time I do this commercial is please go to either a personal trainer or get a really light kettlebell and go to YouTube and learn how to lift weights.
00:05:03.000 And don't get crazy.
00:05:04.000 Don't hurt yourself.
00:05:06.000 Start off slow.
00:05:07.000 And if you're embarrassed by the fact that you're lifting weights and it's only 18 pounds, just don't tell anybody.
00:05:13.000 Keep working out, but don't tell anybody.
00:05:14.000 Watch it on YouTube.
00:05:15.000 Don't put it on YouTube.
00:05:16.000 Yeah.
00:05:17.000 Put an outfit on, like a furry.
00:05:19.000 Like a crazy furry hat.
00:05:21.000 And plus, you'll be really shuddered with kettlebells in the beginning anyway.
00:05:24.000 So you'll probably hit yourself in the head a few times.
00:05:26.000 If you have one of those big furry masks, it'll probably protect you a little bit.
00:05:29.000 Like if you have some errant cleans and they hit you in your little chipmunk face.
00:05:33.000 Yeah.
00:05:34.000 It's definitely a private beginning.
00:05:37.000 Anyway, go to onand.com and use the code word ROGEN. You can save 10% off any and all supplements.
00:05:43.000 Without further ado, the full charge is here, ladies and gentlemen.
00:05:46.000 Matt Fultron.
00:05:46.000 Cue the music, Brian.
00:06:00.000 Powerful, full charge.
00:06:01.000 Are you drinking already?
00:06:03.000 I am.
00:06:03.000 You're an animal.
00:06:04.000 You don't give a fuck, dude.
00:06:05.000 I just got off the road and I've developed a habit.
00:06:08.000 And it's kind of my first day off in a long time.
00:06:12.000 So this is the first day off of how many days on the road?
00:06:14.000 I was gone since June 11th.
00:06:16.000 We're going to call that three weeks.
00:06:18.000 Damn, son.
00:06:19.000 And I was in the Midwest the whole time.
00:06:20.000 I never came home.
00:06:21.000 And it's nice to see...
00:06:24.000 Beautiful Los Angeles, California.
00:06:25.000 Those make you appreciate the fuck out of LA, huh?
00:06:28.000 Oh my god.
00:06:29.000 We got it so good out here.
00:06:31.000 People forget.
00:06:32.000 They're not 80 million people out here because it sucks.
00:06:35.000 No.
00:06:36.000 It's because it's off the fucking hook.
00:06:38.000 It's really unrealistic, though.
00:06:39.000 It's a very unrealistic way to live.
00:06:41.000 We don't ever deal with weather.
00:06:42.000 I know, that's what's so funny.
00:06:44.000 That's all anybody was talking about there.
00:06:46.000 Hope it rains today.
00:06:47.000 Sure do need some rain.
00:06:48.000 We never say that, even though we're the ones that need the rain.
00:06:51.000 Yeah, we don't have farms.
00:06:53.000 We're all farming.
00:06:54.000 Right.
00:06:56.000 When people out there say, I hope it needs the rain, they're literally talking about farms.
00:07:01.000 Yeah, and their livelihood.
00:07:03.000 Yeah.
00:07:04.000 I saw a website out there called FarmersOnly.com, which is like a dating site.
00:07:10.000 Like an exclusive dating site.
00:07:11.000 Hot Farmer dudes picking up on Hot Farmer Gals.
00:07:14.000 That commercial is hilarious.
00:07:15.000 I wonder if farmers will do GayFarmer.com.
00:07:18.000 Are you allowed to say you're gay and be a farmer and pick up other gay farmers?
00:07:22.000 How many gay farmers are there?
00:07:24.000 That's a good question.
00:07:25.000 There's got to be at least 11 gay farmers.
00:07:27.000 In the entire country?
00:07:28.000 Absolutely.
00:07:29.000 Only 11?
00:07:30.000 No, at least.
00:07:31.000 That's a worn out dating pool.
00:07:32.000 Yeah.
00:07:32.000 Imagine those poor 11 dudes just banging each other in barns and shit.
00:07:36.000 All tired from working all day.
00:07:37.000 Can't even put it in.
00:07:39.000 Go to gayfarmer.com right now.
00:07:40.000 Nope.
00:07:41.000 It's hilarious what comes up, dude.
00:07:42.000 No, I'm not having that in my fucking history.
00:07:43.000 It comes up, it switches to his first hugecock.com and it's just guys swallowing.
00:07:48.000 That's all good, Brian.
00:07:49.000 No hoes allowed.
00:07:50.000 I'm not doing that.
00:07:52.000 It'll ruin your computer.
00:07:54.000 It is a weird, very specific dating site, though.
00:07:56.000 It's the most...
00:07:57.000 Farmer.com?
00:07:59.000 Specific I've ever heard.
00:08:00.000 I guess maybe they feel like a lot of people wouldn't understand that lifestyle.
00:08:03.000 Yeah, I mean, you can't...
00:08:04.000 It's hard work, man.
00:08:05.000 You can't date a non-farmer.
00:08:07.000 Well, here's what you can't do.
00:08:09.000 You can't be a farmer, find a guy or gal that's not a farmer from the city, drag him out to the farm and expect it to work out.
00:08:16.000 That's not going to work out at all.
00:08:18.000 It might work out.
00:08:19.000 It could, but there's also that thing of where you're like, yeah, I'm a farmer.
00:08:23.000 And then the chick's like, yeah, that's cool because I got some plants and stuff.
00:08:27.000 And you're like, not the same thing.
00:08:29.000 They don't know what kind of work hours you're going to have to put in.
00:08:31.000 But they might, you know, some people have good work ethics and they look forward to that sort of a challenge.
00:08:37.000 It might work with the odd person, but a lot of people have like regular jobs where they get to sit down all day.
00:08:44.000 Can you imagine if you went from some sort of an insurance sale?
00:08:47.000 I always go with insurance sales.
00:08:48.000 Yeah.
00:08:48.000 Because it seems like one of the most fucking boring, bullshit jobs.
00:08:51.000 Phone and email all day.
00:08:52.000 And you're constantly, like, ass-kissing people to, like, tell them, well, you know, sir, the reason why this coverage is important.
00:08:59.000 Well, Joe.
00:08:59.000 Normally I wouldn't say this, but I think in your circumstance, oh, shut up.
00:09:03.000 Always saying your first name over and over again.
00:09:05.000 Joe, you're going to love this coverage.
00:09:06.000 It's the best thing you can get, Joe.
00:09:07.000 Just rubbing you, stroking you all day.
00:09:11.000 They get out of there, they're exhausted, you know?
00:09:14.000 That shit wears on you.
00:09:14.000 Yeah.
00:09:15.000 Yeah.
00:09:16.000 My uncle's a car insurance guy, and he brings it home with him.
00:09:19.000 He's adopted The Voice.
00:09:21.000 Like, if I call him up, he's like, well, hello, Matthew.
00:09:21.000 Oh, no.
00:09:23.000 How are you doing today?
00:09:24.000 Ew.
00:09:25.000 I love him.
00:09:26.000 I love him.
00:09:26.000 He's great.
00:09:27.000 Ew.
00:09:28.000 Ew, you gross.
00:09:29.000 But he's from New Jersey, and now he lives in Northern California, and now he talks like a regular insurance guy.
00:09:34.000 Wow, that's hilarious.
00:09:36.000 Peter Fulcheron, what's up, dude?
00:09:37.000 I love you.
00:09:38.000 I'm not making fun of you.
00:09:39.000 Man, love.
00:09:40.000 People always get mad if you talk about them on a podcast, man, even if you say good things.
00:09:44.000 If you say anything funny about some funny shit that happened, people get so upset.
00:09:48.000 Yeah.
00:09:48.000 Listen, man, we're all retarded.
00:09:50.000 Don't you listen to the things we say about us?
00:09:51.000 We're all retarded.
00:09:53.000 Yeah, I've said more worse things about myself than...
00:09:56.000 Anyone else.
00:09:57.000 The difference between being an insurance salesman and being a farmer, though, is I think the farmers are a little bit more happy with what they...
00:10:04.000 I think it feels like you get something done.
00:10:06.000 Like at the end of the day, when you brought in the crops, when you fed the cow, I don't even know which order you do that in.
00:10:12.000 I have no idea.
00:10:14.000 Whatever you did to bring in food.
00:10:16.000 Yeah, no, you can see it with your eyeballs over the course of a couple months.
00:10:20.000 You can see the crops growing.
00:10:22.000 They say construction workers are really happy because they actually get to see what they've built.
00:10:26.000 They're also usually on drugs.
00:10:28.000 Well, yeah, that helps.
00:10:29.000 That helps.
00:10:29.000 But yeah, you're totally right.
00:10:31.000 I think building things, getting things like set up a farm, plant the seeds, water them, watch it.
00:10:38.000 You're essentially facilitating this whole construction process.
00:10:43.000 Right.
00:10:43.000 And if you work in an office, it just kind of resets every day.
00:10:46.000 Even as a comedian, it's like, all right, I'm going to go do another show.
00:10:49.000 I'm going to go do another show.
00:10:50.000 Yeah, but isn't that on you?
00:10:52.000 Because you can just change your act.
00:10:53.000 You could have...
00:10:54.000 I mean, essentially, think about how long it takes you to write an act.
00:10:57.000 If we were smart, what we would do is we would write two acts.
00:11:00.000 Right.
00:11:00.000 Two acts, and we'd do one on Friday night and one on Saturday night.
00:11:04.000 Or one Friday early show, the other one Friday late show.
00:11:07.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:11:07.000 You're absolutely right.
00:11:08.000 That way you would never feel anything stale.
00:11:11.000 It's just a matter of you putting in a little bit more time.
00:11:14.000 I'm going to do that this week.
00:11:15.000 Do it, bitch!
00:11:16.000 New 45 by Saturday.
00:11:18.000 When I record my next special, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to do that, how I'm going to do the next hour.
00:11:23.000 I don't have anything that's like leftover stuff, I don't think.
00:11:28.000 It's like a couple of bits, but they're never going to make it anyway.
00:11:31.000 Yeah.
00:11:32.000 So everything that's going to go on this next one, I'm going to just abandon ship after it's over.
00:11:37.000 Then I'm going to be fucked.
00:11:38.000 Yeah, you got to start from scratch, man.
00:11:40.000 Terrified with no weapons.
00:11:42.000 People pay to see you.
00:11:43.000 You have no materials.
00:11:44.000 Dog shit for a couple of months.
00:11:45.000 You got to do some freebies, buddy.
00:11:47.000 Mushrooms.
00:11:47.000 Start doing mushrooms now.
00:11:49.000 I got plans.
00:11:50.000 I know what I'm doing.
00:11:51.000 I got plans for a couple different things to take place.
00:11:54.000 All of them interdimensional.
00:11:56.000 That's my move.
00:11:57.000 I'm actually thinking the next one I'm going to do is before the filming.
00:12:01.000 Do one of those in August.
00:12:03.000 See the elves.
00:12:04.000 Right.
00:12:04.000 See what's up.
00:12:05.000 The secrets.
00:12:06.000 Have a sit down.
00:12:07.000 Yeah.
00:12:07.000 Have a sit down with the dark and the light.
00:12:10.000 See if we can work this shit out.
00:12:11.000 I think you can.
00:12:13.000 I think this is, uh, tested territory.
00:12:16.000 So, uh, tonight the full charge and I will be at the Ha Ha Cafe.
00:12:20.000 It's a new, uh, new ha ha, apparently.
00:12:23.000 Yeah, new ha ha.
00:12:23.000 North Hollywood.
00:12:24.000 Good spot to fuck around.
00:12:26.000 Yes.
00:12:26.000 We got a lot of good spots to fuck around, too.
00:12:28.000 That's the other thing.
00:12:29.000 Imagine if you lived in, like, Dayton, Ohio, and you had to do stand-up.
00:12:32.000 It's like one club in town.
00:12:33.000 It's the only club for, like, 100 miles.
00:12:35.000 You just got back from there, right, Matt?
00:12:36.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:12:37.000 And there's two clubs, and there's the good one and the bad one.
00:12:40.000 And that's what all the comedians talk about.
00:12:43.000 There's a good one and a bad one?
00:12:44.000 Yeah, and it's like you're always under the supervision of the only clubs in town.
00:12:47.000 So say you want to go up and fuck around some night, get that new second act we're talking about.
00:12:52.000 Oh, you can't do that when they're paying you.
00:12:54.000 You can't do that when they're paying you, and you also...
00:12:56.000 Can't do that if you're an open-miker there either.
00:12:59.000 Competition's so high, they're going to be like, oh, you suck now.
00:13:01.000 Yeah.
00:13:02.000 Sorry.
00:13:02.000 Yep.
00:13:03.000 That's the thing.
00:13:04.000 Open mic nights are fucking gigantic for a comic.
00:13:07.000 Yeah.
00:13:07.000 And when you don't have open mic nights, then you wind up doing these nights where, say, you'll be the host.
00:13:14.000 You'll be the host of a show, and you'll just do a couple minutes and bring people up, and you're essentially just kind of getting the audience used to the fact there's a comedy show, introducing the comedians properly, and hopefully getting a couple jokes in on your own.
00:13:26.000 Yeah.
00:13:26.000 But there comes a point in time there where if you're in a place where you don't get stage time, where you're not expanding.
00:13:32.000 Yeah.
00:13:33.000 We got lucky.
00:13:34.000 This spot, you can expand a lot.
00:13:36.000 Absolutely.
00:13:37.000 You can go to the Ice House.
00:13:38.000 You can go to Yuck Yucks.
00:13:40.000 I've heard a lot of people shit on the fucking L.A. scene.
00:13:43.000 But there's tons of places to do it underground.
00:13:45.000 There's tons of alt rooms.
00:13:47.000 And there's tons of clubs.
00:13:48.000 Who shits on the L.A. scene?
00:13:49.000 Midwest people do.
00:13:51.000 New York people do.
00:13:53.000 Absolutely.
00:13:53.000 The Midwest people.
00:13:54.000 San Francisco people do.
00:13:55.000 Everyone does.
00:13:56.000 Midwest people shitting on L.A. That's hilarious.
00:13:59.000 That's a new one.
00:14:00.000 That's hilarious.
00:14:01.000 Farmers only, buddy.
00:14:02.000 You can't shit on the L.A. comedy scene.
00:14:04.000 There's too many of us.
00:14:06.000 I know, and we got everybody.
00:14:07.000 How could you say that?
00:14:08.000 And we got all the New Yorkers.
00:14:09.000 Well, not all of them.
00:14:09.000 We got some New Yorkers.
00:14:10.000 We got some Midwest guys.
00:14:11.000 All the ones who understand winter, they all eventually move here.
00:14:15.000 If you understand winter, you don't have to be in that.
00:14:20.000 It's good to be in that every now and then to feel it because it's kind of crazy.
00:14:23.000 But to live there every day for six months when it's fucking freezing is very taxing.
00:14:29.000 It's good to put the ankle weights on every once in a while.
00:14:31.000 Then take them off.
00:14:32.000 Yeah, go to January.
00:14:34.000 Go up to fucking Maine.
00:14:35.000 Just hang out for a few days.
00:14:36.000 No, thank you.
00:14:37.000 I'll see you.
00:14:37.000 Yeah, but then you're done.
00:14:38.000 You get out of there and you're like, okay, I get it.
00:14:40.000 I didn't have to do that.
00:14:41.000 Yep.
00:14:41.000 I get it.
00:14:43.000 Yeah, and that's the upside of touring.
00:14:46.000 Why else would there be 80 million people here?
00:14:48.000 Stop it, Midwest.
00:14:49.000 Yeah.
00:14:49.000 Stop it.
00:14:50.000 Whoever you are that's talking shit on the L.A. comedy scene.
00:14:53.000 That would be Dana Stevens.
00:14:55.000 I heard her say this.
00:14:56.000 Almost all my favorite comedians live here.
00:15:00.000 Yeah, me too.
00:15:01.000 Look, Bill Burr.
00:15:02.000 As soon as we got Burr, it was over!
00:15:04.000 Except Stanhope.
00:15:04.000 It was over.
00:15:05.000 Yeah, Stanhope doesn't live here, but you take...
00:15:08.000 We got Burr, I guess Louis is in New York, and there's always a bunch of guys that are really good in New York.
00:15:13.000 New York's always got a tell.
00:15:15.000 New York is always one of the best scenes.
00:15:17.000 But Patton is out here.
00:15:20.000 You know, there's all...
00:15:21.000 Callan's out here.
00:15:23.000 Segura's out here.
00:15:24.000 Joey Diaz is out here.
00:15:26.000 Ari Shafir's sometimes out here.
00:15:28.000 He's a bi-coastal.
00:15:30.000 Right.
00:15:31.000 Yeah, he's a jet-setter, that Ari Shafir.
00:15:33.000 Internationally known, locally accepted.
00:15:36.000 Motherfuckers just got back from China.
00:15:38.000 Yeah, I saw all those pictures!
00:15:39.000 What was he doing out there?
00:15:40.000 Super ballin'.
00:15:41.000 He's a Super Bowl.
00:15:42.000 Did he have shows out there?
00:15:44.000 He's murdering it, selling out in China.
00:15:45.000 He's murdering it all over the world.
00:15:47.000 He made me never want to go there, though.
00:15:49.000 Oh, yeah.
00:15:50.000 No need.
00:15:51.000 I wanted to go there.
00:15:51.000 I think it was, for him, it sounds like it was a pretty badass life experience, but he introduced us to a bunch of aspects...
00:16:05.000 I'd be scared to eat.
00:16:06.000 How could you not eat or trust the water or go to the bathroom, just going to the bathroom, like leaving a nice bathroom just in case if you have to go to the bathroom somewhere else and it'd be like to the point where you could die of these Sit there too long?
00:16:17.000 Yeah, people die in toilets.
00:16:20.000 They fall into the toilets to get cell phones.
00:16:22.000 We had a story that we were reading the other day.
00:16:25.000 Guy dropped a cell phone, went to reach for it, passed out from the fumes, fell in, the wife went after him, she fell asleep too, and they died.
00:16:32.000 Oh my god.
00:16:33.000 Yeah, they couldn't breathe.
00:16:34.000 So much methane and shit water.
00:16:36.000 That's awful.
00:16:37.000 Yes, it's awful.
00:16:38.000 They died for a fucking cell phone.
00:16:40.000 Usually taking a shit is a great experience.
00:16:43.000 Not in that hole.
00:16:44.000 It's just you can't shit in the same spot forever.
00:16:48.000 You've got to do something about that.
00:16:50.000 That's really a bad smell, man.
00:16:52.000 Sooner or later, you're going to have to flush.
00:16:54.000 That was disturbing, but it was even more disturbing as Ari was telling us about gutter oil, which is an oil, a cooking oil that they make from raw sewage.
00:17:02.000 Oh my god!
00:17:03.000 You can't even imagine.
00:17:04.000 You can't even imagine.
00:17:05.000 You have to watch it to believe what you're seeing.
00:17:08.000 Cooking oil is very expensive.
00:17:10.000 So a lot of people create their own cooking oil.
00:17:13.000 And they use rancid meat, like old bones and meat and stuff like that, boil it down.
00:17:18.000 And they also use raw sewage.
00:17:20.000 Raw sewage makes sense.
00:17:22.000 It's insanely fucked up.
00:17:25.000 We played a video of it the other day.
00:17:26.000 We're not going to play it again, but I encourage you to go online and anybody who wants to see it, look up gutter oil.
00:17:34.000 Anytime people are like, yo, you've got to have some authentic Chinese food, just be like, no, thank you.
00:17:38.000 Just watch the Ari podcast.
00:17:39.000 It was actually podcast numero dos, or the first one, dos.
00:17:43.000 Doses, we came back, he wanted to talk to us about the cooking oil.
00:17:46.000 We had run out of time, and it was one of the most harrowing stories.
00:17:49.000 You almost puked, didn't you?
00:17:50.000 I heard that.
00:17:51.000 I got very close to puking.
00:17:54.000 Yeah, and then I had to point out to him, dude, I hosted Fear Factor for six years.
00:17:57.000 And I got really close to the puke.
00:17:59.000 People forget that.
00:18:00.000 I've seen a lot of shit.
00:18:01.000 I've seen people eat rats.
00:18:03.000 Right.
00:18:03.000 And I was almost throwing up.
00:18:04.000 It was just so...
00:18:05.000 The shit...
00:18:06.000 I started extra salivating right now just thinking about it.
00:18:10.000 Like that...
00:18:11.000 That feeling that you get right before you yak.
00:18:15.000 She was...
00:18:16.000 She had these long like scoops and she was scooping raw sewage out into buckets and then carrying the buckets to her car and she'd put these buckets in her car and then she would drive off and then she would sell it and they were talking about how she bought herself a house from the money from this gutter oil.
00:18:32.000 So she'd been lifting up manhole covers scooping out raw sewage Boiling it and selling it.
00:18:39.000 They said one in ten of those street vendors are using gutter oil.
00:18:45.000 I don't understand why they just don't use nothing.
00:18:47.000 Why don't you just use nothing?
00:18:48.000 You have to cook.
00:18:49.000 You don't understand Chinese food.
00:18:51.000 Yeah, I guess there has to be oil.
00:18:53.000 Yeah, they cook in walks.
00:18:55.000 But sewage?
00:18:56.000 Dude, raw sewage boiled down.
00:18:59.000 It doesn't even seem real.
00:19:01.000 And they also poop in the streets.
00:19:03.000 It's normal for them just to poop in the streets.
00:19:05.000 Really?
00:19:06.000 It's like they'll just drop straw and just take a load off right there.
00:19:09.000 You go down to Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles, we're still not doing that.
00:19:12.000 Some people just deal with the fact they have to shit differently.
00:19:15.000 I saw it the other day on Highland.
00:19:18.000 You know where that church is?
00:19:19.000 Highland and Franklin or whatever it is?
00:19:21.000 A guy was shitting there?
00:19:22.000 No, this woman that I think lives at that church.
00:19:24.000 Homeless woman.
00:19:25.000 But she just decided to go into the lane, the turning lane.
00:19:28.000 Just take off her clothes and just start shitting right there.
00:19:30.000 And cars were like, are you really just shitting right here?
00:19:33.000 It's gross.
00:19:34.000 I was stuck at the light.
00:19:35.000 I had to look.
00:19:38.000 Actually, you didn't have to look, but of course you did.
00:19:42.000 Wouldn't you have?
00:19:43.000 Even if it's not pleasant, a homeless lady is shitting in the middle of the street.
00:19:48.000 Yeah, look, the quality of life is something that people work really hard to preserve.
00:19:52.000 A lot of folks are really worried about that, especially as they get older.
00:19:55.000 Young people don't worry about it so much, but old people, especially if you've traveled a few different places, you realize, wow, things can get out of hand.
00:20:02.000 If you have If you have too much homeless, too much poverty, too much this, too much that, you can get to a point, there's examples of it there today, that you could go to China and you could see examples of this is what happens when you get overpopulation and people are devalued and life becomes very different than what you're accustomed to.
00:20:20.000 That's exactly what you're experiencing.
00:20:23.000 You know, that's a good indication that maybe the people in the Midwest are right.
00:20:27.000 That maybe being in a place like LA is just too fucked up.
00:20:31.000 I just think they're off with comedy.
00:20:36.000 There's some real benefits to living in Seattle.
00:20:40.000 I was talking to Brian Callen about that today.
00:20:42.000 We're talking about how great Seattle is.
00:20:44.000 There's some real benefits to living there as opposed to living here.
00:20:47.000 Absolutely.
00:20:47.000 Lower number of people, less stress, the energy's different, it's not as chaotic, it's not as showbiz-based.
00:20:54.000 There's a ton of positive things that you can connect with.
00:20:57.000 To a place like Seattle.
00:20:59.000 Good breathing?
00:20:59.000 Good air?
00:21:00.000 Yeah, the water, the fact that it rains all the time.
00:21:03.000 You get depressed if you're a fucking little baby, but the reality is that's where life comes from, fuckhead.
00:21:09.000 It comes from water.
00:21:10.000 It's good that it's raining all the time.
00:21:12.000 Sorry, Kurt Cobain.
00:21:13.000 Sorry, Kurt.
00:21:14.000 I think Kurt was more depressed about heroin.
00:21:16.000 He's blaming it on the rain.
00:21:17.000 Yeah, it was all heroin.
00:21:18.000 Come on, man.
00:21:19.000 There's a lot of people up there smiling.
00:21:20.000 You're shooting yourself.
00:21:21.000 There's a hell of a hangover going with heroin.
00:21:24.000 Yeah.
00:21:24.000 You know?
00:21:25.000 Imagine if that guy had stayed alive.
00:21:27.000 If we could keep that guy happy enough to keep making music, what a fucking groundbreaking genius.
00:21:33.000 I know.
00:21:35.000 I really think it's a huge tragedy.
00:21:37.000 A lot of people like to joke about it.
00:21:39.000 I think he was so fucking good.
00:21:41.000 I forget how good it is, and every time I hear it, it's just so beautiful.
00:21:45.000 He had an awesome impact.
00:21:46.000 He had an awesome impact for the few years that he was alive.
00:21:51.000 But, yeah, that guy changed the whole thing.
00:21:54.000 He changed the whole thing.
00:21:55.000 He was just a kid!
00:21:56.000 He was just a fucking kid, man.
00:21:57.000 I was at this guy's house, my friend's friend, like a friend of a friend, and we were, he had a copy of it.
00:22:05.000 I think it was a cassette at the time.
00:22:06.000 And he played Nirvana.
00:22:09.000 We were both sitting around, me and my friend, going, wow.
00:22:13.000 People didn't really play music for their friends very often.
00:22:17.000 It would have to be something really cool for someone to go, dude, you've got to listen to this.
00:22:21.000 And I want to listen to it with you.
00:22:22.000 I want to see your reaction.
00:22:24.000 The three of us are standing by this dude's waterbed.
00:22:26.000 Listen to this.
00:22:27.000 You know, he had like a boombox.
00:22:29.000 And he's playing it.
00:22:31.000 And we were like, whoa.
00:22:32.000 Do you remember which song it was?
00:22:33.000 Was it Teen Spirit?
00:22:34.000 Yeah, it was Teen Spirit.
00:22:36.000 Teen Spirit was the one.
00:22:37.000 My band played Teen Spirit in high school.
00:22:39.000 Now every time my mom hears it on the radio, she's like, ah?
00:22:41.000 Ah?
00:22:42.000 That's your song?
00:22:43.000 I'm like, it's not my song.
00:22:44.000 It's Petra Bane's song.
00:22:45.000 He played a couple other ones.
00:22:47.000 He played a couple other ones from the same album.
00:22:50.000 Yeah.
00:22:50.000 A couple other songs.
00:22:51.000 We were like, whoa.
00:22:52.000 That shit was a knockout.
00:22:53.000 I was into punk rock and rock and roll that wasn't exactly metal at the time.
00:22:59.000 Jane's Addiction was pretty great.
00:23:01.000 All these bands were pretty great.
00:23:02.000 Then Nirvana came along and just kicked it, knocked it out of the fucking park.
00:23:05.000 You know what Nirvana did?
00:23:07.000 It killed hair bands.
00:23:08.000 Yeah.
00:23:09.000 Eddie Bravo always says that.
00:23:11.000 Because Eddie Bravo was in a hairband.
00:23:13.000 He was in a metal band.
00:23:15.000 The hairbands are pissed.
00:23:17.000 They do not like Nirvana.
00:23:18.000 Well, it came along and all of a sudden, what?
00:23:20.000 You're allowed to wear flannel shirts?
00:23:21.000 I have leather pants!
00:23:22.000 I have fucking tight leather pants like I'm supposed to have!
00:23:25.000 I can't get them off!
00:23:26.000 I'm wearing platform shoes!
00:23:27.000 How come I can't wear platform shoes anymore?
00:23:29.000 What?
00:23:30.000 Sneakers?
00:23:32.000 Converse All-Stars?
00:23:33.000 Are you fucking kidding me?
00:23:34.000 I'm not wearing Converse All-Stars in a fucking flannel shirt.
00:23:37.000 What happened to being a rock star?
00:23:39.000 That's over.
00:23:40.000 You gotta be sad and regular now.
00:23:44.000 Yeah.
00:23:45.000 Is that what it is now?
00:23:46.000 You gotta be sad.
00:23:47.000 John Mayer doesn't seem very...
00:23:48.000 Mayor?
00:23:49.000 John Mayer doesn't seem very sad.
00:23:49.000 No, no, no.
00:23:51.000 No, I meant at the time.
00:23:52.000 At the time, yeah.
00:23:52.000 Oh, at the time.
00:23:53.000 Yeah, you had to be depressed as fuck in order to be taken seriously.
00:23:56.000 You know?
00:23:56.000 Yeah.
00:23:57.000 Lots of dudes on heroin.
00:23:58.000 Like Alice in Chains.
00:23:59.000 Dude died of heroin.
00:24:00.000 Yeah.
00:24:01.000 And he wrote about it.
00:24:03.000 And you could hear what he was saying in his songs, too.
00:24:06.000 Like that song, Bones, Them Bones.
00:24:08.000 Yeah, Them Bones.
00:24:09.000 And there's songs called Junk Sick.
00:24:12.000 The whole album, Dirt, is about heroin.
00:24:15.000 Openly.
00:24:16.000 Openly about heroin.
00:24:17.000 And it's awesome.
00:24:18.000 And it's fantastic.
00:24:19.000 It's their best album.
00:24:20.000 Down in a Hole.
00:24:22.000 I've never done cocaine, but Buck Cherry has a song about cocaine that makes you want to try cocaine.
00:24:22.000 Buck Cherry.
00:24:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:30.000 I don't want to try it.
00:24:32.000 It just seems like a bad one.
00:24:34.000 Oh, it's a bad one.
00:24:35.000 But their song is so good, and it's about cocaine.
00:24:36.000 There's only been a couple of really good songs.
00:24:38.000 There's, of course, the Eric Clapton song.
00:24:41.000 Yeah.
00:24:41.000 Cocaine?
00:24:42.000 There's, of course, that one.
00:24:43.000 Was that...
00:24:45.000 Derek and the Dominoes, or was that Eric Clapton?
00:24:48.000 Was that when he was with Derek and the Dominoes?
00:24:50.000 I'm really not sure.
00:24:52.000 I think it's just Eric Clapton.
00:24:52.000 They always just say it's by Eric Clapton.
00:24:54.000 That's a fucking badass jam.
00:24:56.000 That's one of the all-time jams.
00:24:57.000 That is not a pro-heroin song, though.
00:24:59.000 No, no, no.
00:25:00.000 It was not a pro-cocaine, either.
00:25:02.000 I mean, yeah, pro-cocaine, that's what I meant.
00:25:04.000 No, it's not.
00:25:05.000 Buck Cherries, that's a pro-cocaine song.
00:25:07.000 Yeah.
00:25:08.000 It's, I love the cocaine, I love the cocaine.
00:25:10.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:25:11.000 I'm all lit up again.
00:25:12.000 He loves it, yeah.
00:25:13.000 Yeah, I'm all lit up again.
00:25:15.000 It's a great fucking song, and it's a pro-cocaine song.
00:25:18.000 Wow, that cocaine song was actually not Eric Clapton, it was a cover of a guy named J.J. Kale who did it.
00:25:18.000 Right.
00:25:23.000 I'd like to hear the original version of that now.
00:25:25.000 Yeah, see if you can find that shit.
00:25:27.000 Yeah, we'll get kicked off YouTube, but fuck it.
00:25:30.000 I think it's all fair use.
00:25:31.000 I think they can suck it.
00:25:33.000 I'm tired of this.
00:25:34.000 It's so stupid.
00:25:35.000 I mean, we're just playing shit that's online.
00:25:39.000 We're not stealing any content.
00:25:41.000 We're commenting on things that are readily available.
00:25:44.000 And YouTube gets mad?
00:25:45.000 Sometimes people put up...
00:25:47.000 Oh, that fucking crazy guy.
00:25:53.000 This is the original guy?
00:25:55.000 Oh, it's an old blues dude.
00:26:00.000 How old is this dude here?
00:26:02.000 Uh, it's 1976. Woo!
00:26:06.000 Oh.
00:26:09.000 Cocaine!
00:26:15.000 That guy looks like he said a lot of fucking cocaine.
00:26:18.000 Look at that nose.
00:26:19.000 It's like an elbow.
00:26:20.000 The whole thing.
00:26:21.000 Look at that guy.
00:26:22.000 George Bush on the drums.
00:26:24.000 And this is the original version.
00:26:26.000 Is that W on the drums?
00:26:29.000 See, there's a conviction in that guy's voice.
00:26:32.000 Yeah, no, he wrote it.
00:26:33.000 He meant it.
00:26:47.000 It's not a bad cover.
00:26:48.000 His version, rather.
00:26:54.000 He could use a couple bumps.
00:26:56.000 Isn't it weird, though, how...
00:26:57.000 Yeah, he's not the most energetic guy, but I like it.
00:27:00.000 Isn't it weird, though, how some people's voices, like in that aspect, like in that singing, are just more compelling?
00:27:05.000 Like, that guy's got a compelling voice.
00:27:05.000 Yes.
00:27:07.000 Yeah.
00:27:08.000 For whatever reason, I want to hear him keep talking.
00:27:10.000 Exactly.
00:27:11.000 You know, like Johnny Cash.
00:27:12.000 Oh.
00:27:12.000 Johnny Cash, towards the end, he was doing some of his best stuff and he wasn't even singing anymore.
00:27:16.000 Yeah.
00:27:17.000 He was essentially talking.
00:27:18.000 Right.
00:27:18.000 You know?
00:27:19.000 But it was still so compelling.
00:27:21.000 It was heavy.
00:27:22.000 It was fucking heavy.
00:27:23.000 Yeah, something comes through in people's voices.
00:27:26.000 And I don't know what it is.
00:27:28.000 I don't know what makes one person's voice more appealing and one person's voice more emotionally connected to your brain.
00:27:39.000 I don't know what it is, but some people just have voices like Orson Welles.
00:27:44.000 You ever listen to Orson Welles?
00:27:45.000 Yeah.
00:27:46.000 The guy who did The War of the Worlds.
00:27:47.000 He did it on the radio.
00:27:48.000 Citizen Kane.
00:27:49.000 Yeah, Citizen Kane.
00:27:50.000 He just was compelling to listen to him talk.
00:27:54.000 Remember he used to do those wine commercials towards the end?
00:27:56.000 Yeah.
00:27:57.000 We will sell no wine before it's time.
00:28:01.000 There's something about his voice.
00:28:02.000 You could just have him talk about your stuff and it would make your stuff more awesome.
00:28:06.000 It was an authority.
00:28:07.000 We will sell no more wine.
00:28:08.000 What?
00:28:09.000 I said it correctly.
00:28:11.000 He was all fucked up, drinking wine and shit.
00:28:13.000 There were recordings of him yelling about how preposterous the copy he was reading was.
00:28:18.000 He was awesome.
00:28:19.000 Citizen Kane came out when he was 25 years old.
00:28:22.000 Yeah, he knocked it out of the park his first try.
00:28:24.000 One of the greatest movies of all time.
00:28:26.000 But then...
00:28:27.000 Hurts...
00:28:27.000 What did he do after that?
00:28:29.000 Hurts squashed that movie.
00:28:30.000 It was only out for a couple weeks or something.
00:28:32.000 The guy that was about William Randolph Hearst?
00:28:36.000 Hearst?
00:28:36.000 Hearst, yes.
00:28:37.000 He squashed it because it was actually about him.
00:28:37.000 Yeah.
00:28:39.000 Right.
00:28:40.000 And it was in a negative light.
00:28:42.000 And then, you know, it was out of the theaters immediately.
00:28:45.000 And it's not like you can watch the shit on cable back in the day.
00:28:48.000 Yeah, you were stuck.
00:28:50.000 It just kind of didn't work.
00:28:51.000 Even though we look back and we see it's great, it was off everyone's brain, I think.
00:28:56.000 So, what movies did he do after that?
00:28:58.000 He didn't do very many movies.
00:29:00.000 Touch of Evil, but it was all...
00:29:01.000 Nothing was as big as...
00:29:04.000 Citizen Kane.
00:29:05.000 Yeah, Citizen Kane is the one that everyone looks to as really great.
00:29:08.000 And nothing else, really, I don't think.
00:29:10.000 Well, he was responsible for that and, of course, the War of the Worlds thing.
00:29:14.000 That shit was huge.
00:29:15.000 People were jumping off bridges.
00:29:16.000 I don't know if that's really true.
00:29:18.000 I think he snopes that.
00:29:19.000 Yeah.
00:29:20.000 Let's find out.
00:29:21.000 War of the Worlds.
00:29:23.000 But it was something really incredible what he did, and it's something we do all the time now.
00:29:27.000 We imitate a certain style.
00:29:29.000 We imitate the news all the time in entertainment shows.
00:29:33.000 We imitate documentaries all the time.
00:29:36.000 In comedies.
00:29:37.000 He imitated a newsreel, and everyone thought it was real.
00:29:40.000 Well, he read a book, but he read it as though he was, you know, doing it, like it was a news report.
00:29:46.000 And so they'd, but they'd also have, like...
00:29:48.000 Okay, yeah, it is a myth.
00:29:49.000 Oh, is it?
00:29:50.000 Yeah.
00:29:51.000 Yep.
00:29:51.000 Mass panic and hysteria swept through the United States on the eve of Halloween 1938 when an all-too-realistic radio dramatization of the war world sent untold thousands of people into the streets headed for the hills.
00:30:02.000 This, uh...
00:30:04.000 It's an urban legend, apparently.
00:30:06.000 That's too bad.
00:30:07.000 More accurately.
00:30:08.000 It's misremembered like no other radio program.
00:30:12.000 What essentially they're saying is...
00:30:14.000 This is all from the BBC, if anybody's interested.
00:30:18.000 Gotcha.
00:30:18.000 Just the Halloween myth of the War of the Worlds panic.
00:30:22.000 And it looks like it's all very, very exaggerated.
00:30:27.000 But they do it really cool.
00:30:28.000 Like, they'd have, like...
00:30:30.000 They'd have like regular programming and then they'd interrupt it with the news reports of aliens invading.
00:30:35.000 That's pretty slick.
00:30:36.000 And they'd be like, now back to our regular scheduled program.
00:30:38.000 It'd just be like music and stuff.
00:30:40.000 This is funny.
00:30:41.000 Listen to what they said back then.
00:30:42.000 Radio is new, but it has adult responsibilities.
00:30:46.000 It's the fucking internet.
00:30:47.000 Chided the New York Times.
00:30:48.000 It has not mastered itself or the material it uses.
00:30:52.000 So people were angry that Orson Welles did this War of the Worlds.
00:30:56.000 But imagine the New York Times said that about radio back then.
00:30:59.000 Radio is new.
00:31:01.000 Holy shit!
00:31:02.000 That's so funny.
00:31:03.000 That makes my skin tingle.
00:31:06.000 I can't believe I'm even...
00:31:07.000 I can read that.
00:31:08.000 Right.
00:31:09.000 I can read some people that were writers for the New York Times that were essentially talking about radio the way people talk about the internet.
00:31:15.000 That sentence easily could be about the internet.
00:31:18.000 Yeah.
00:31:18.000 That it has not mastered itself or the material it uses.
00:31:22.000 Yes.
00:31:22.000 It's new, but it has adult responsibilities.
00:31:25.000 Yeah.
00:31:26.000 Yeah.
00:31:27.000 That is the internet.
00:31:28.000 Yeah.
00:31:28.000 And so what's going to happen is we're all going to get censored very soon, just like radio.
00:31:32.000 Yeah.
00:31:32.000 Well, radio didn't eventually get censored, though.
00:31:35.000 It got censored for a while and then became satellite radio, which is way more popular.
00:31:39.000 Oh, yeah.
00:31:40.000 Satellite radio is essentially smushed regular radio.
00:31:43.000 It's when everyone knows they can get Opie and Anthony every morning, and you can get it on your car if you're in Pittsburgh or if you're in New York.
00:31:50.000 You can get Howard Stern every day.
00:31:53.000 He has two channels.
00:31:55.000 Yeah.
00:31:55.000 It's like, why am I listening to this local guy?
00:31:58.000 Is this local guy that good?
00:31:59.000 You'll give the local guy five minutes and he says one wacky thing.
00:32:02.000 You're like, this dumb motherfucker.
00:32:03.000 And then you're going to turn it to Jim Norton.
00:32:05.000 I know, because you've got to sit through 20 minutes of commercials on regular radio.
00:32:09.000 Yeah.
00:32:09.000 Just to hear subpar content.
00:32:13.000 It's awful.
00:32:14.000 There's only a few good ones left.
00:32:16.000 There's like maybe a dozen in the whole country.
00:32:18.000 There's maybe a dozen radio stations that are worth doing.
00:32:21.000 It's a mess.
00:32:23.000 Yeah.
00:32:23.000 And what happened?
00:32:24.000 It's because it was censored.
00:32:25.000 They couldn't keep up.
00:32:27.000 You can't compete, man.
00:32:28.000 If you listen to these nut fucks that tell you you can't say certain words, you're gonna lose us.
00:32:33.000 Yeah.
00:32:33.000 There's more of us.
00:32:34.000 Do you not get it?
00:32:35.000 They're really loud, but there's way more people that don't give a fuck.
00:32:39.000 There's way more people that would way rather hear uncensored stuff.
00:32:43.000 That's why when you look at internet videos and they have a million fucking hits, that's what all that is.
00:32:47.000 It's like, those are people.
00:32:48.000 Those are the same people that watch NBC. Right.
00:32:50.000 Those are the same people that listen to AM radio.
00:32:52.000 They're just fucking people.
00:32:54.000 They're adults.
00:32:54.000 Yeah.
00:32:55.000 They can pick and choose what they want.
00:32:56.000 They don't need you to tell them what's moral.
00:32:59.000 This is an abandon ship.
00:33:00.000 Abandon ship.
00:33:02.000 All regulations hereby now abandon.
00:33:05.000 Programming will now commence.
00:33:07.000 Do whatever the fuck you want.
00:33:08.000 If people like it, they'll watch.
00:33:09.000 If they don't, it's harder to get ABC than it is to get cable.
00:33:13.000 Yes.
00:33:14.000 It's harder.
00:33:15.000 What are you going to do?
00:33:16.000 Are you going to have antennas?
00:33:17.000 Are you going to get fucking rabbit ears?
00:33:19.000 Do TVs even have those anymore?
00:33:22.000 I don't know.
00:33:23.000 So you've got to get cable, for a lot of folks, basic cable at least, just to get your local channels.
00:33:28.000 Just to get the big four, right?
00:33:30.000 To get CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox.
00:33:33.000 You just need an antenna.
00:33:34.000 Digital antenna.
00:33:35.000 Bitch, all you need is the internet.
00:33:36.000 It's over!
00:33:37.000 It's over!
00:33:38.000 Abandon ship!
00:33:39.000 It's like, you guys, you can't keep this up.
00:33:43.000 Comedy clubs still think morning radio is something to do, though.
00:33:47.000 It helps.
00:33:48.000 It does, right?
00:33:49.000 It does help.
00:33:50.000 If you have a good DJ. If you have a good DJ and they have good people in, you know?
00:33:54.000 I mean, it's got to sell tickets.
00:33:55.000 People are looking for things to do on Friday night, and they feel like they know you a little bit.
00:33:58.000 You know, they hear you in the morning.
00:34:00.000 They're like, hey, that Matt Filtron guy is pretty funny.
00:34:02.000 Let me write that guy's name down.
00:34:03.000 He got along with Johnny Wilde.
00:34:05.000 Johnny Wilde and him had a blast together.
00:34:07.000 It was so cool listening to you guys.
00:34:10.000 Johnny Wilde's my favorite person.
00:34:13.000 Johnny Wilde.
00:34:14.000 Yeah, man.
00:34:16.000 They got abandon ship!
00:34:17.000 Abandon ship!
00:34:19.000 The fucking Game of Thrones has arrived!
00:34:22.000 It's over!
00:34:24.000 Yeah.
00:34:25.000 Abandon ship!
00:34:26.000 And how great is it that it's over?
00:34:28.000 Everyone on Earth has a podcast.
00:34:31.000 Abandon ship!
00:34:33.000 Abandon!
00:34:34.000 I feel bad for him, though.
00:34:35.000 A lot of people still go to school to become a radio DJ. Look at all the Opie and Anthony interns that are in radio.
00:34:44.000 It's weird that it's still a profession.
00:34:46.000 Is it weird though?
00:34:47.000 What if you were a guy who was a really good horse mechanic?
00:34:50.000 Really good at making wagons and you're bummed out that someone invented a car?
00:34:54.000 That's life.
00:34:55.000 Yeah.
00:34:56.000 Keep moving, bitch.
00:34:57.000 Shit could be a lot worse.
00:34:59.000 And while you keep moving, keep moving in a car.
00:35:01.000 Keep moving, bitch!
00:35:02.000 Yeah.
00:35:03.000 Get up!
00:35:04.000 It's how it goes.
00:35:05.000 It's how it goes.
00:35:05.000 It's how it goes, and we all have to go through it.
00:35:07.000 It's the only way it goes.
00:35:08.000 Yeah.
00:35:08.000 It is the only way it goes.
00:35:10.000 If you try to do it any other way, you stifle progress.
00:35:13.000 So cut the shit and abandon ship.
00:35:16.000 You can't do it that way anymore.
00:35:18.000 It's a big lesson in life.
00:35:19.000 You can't insist that things need to be the way they were.
00:35:21.000 It can never be the way it was.
00:35:24.000 Exactly.
00:35:24.000 Because if it was, you'd be a single-celled organism, you fuckhead.
00:35:28.000 Right.
00:35:28.000 Okay?
00:35:29.000 It's ridiculous.
00:35:30.000 And those were good times.
00:35:31.000 I guess.
00:35:32.000 It's a time of no responsibility.
00:35:35.000 Yeah.
00:35:35.000 Yeah.
00:35:36.000 Those were the days.
00:35:37.000 No phone bill.
00:35:38.000 Yeah, just muck.
00:35:39.000 Muck in the ocean, chilling about, waiting for the aliens to come and mix the DNA in there, like in that movie.
00:35:46.000 Did you see that movie?
00:35:47.000 What movie?
00:35:48.000 Which one was it?
00:35:49.000 Prometheus?
00:35:49.000 Yeah, Prometheus, the prequel to Alien.
00:35:52.000 I saw like five seconds of that.
00:35:54.000 I was flipping channels.
00:35:55.000 That's got Charlize.
00:35:57.000 Could have been fucking amazing.
00:35:59.000 Is Charlize Theron in that?
00:36:00.000 Yeah.
00:36:00.000 The hottest astronaut ever?
00:36:01.000 It's pretty hot.
00:36:02.000 Yeah.
00:36:03.000 Pretty goddamn hot and pretty bossy too.
00:36:06.000 Something hot about a hot bossy chick.
00:36:08.000 I love it.
00:36:08.000 I love it.
00:36:09.000 Hot bossy chick in space.
00:36:11.000 Right.
00:36:11.000 Running shit and fucking the military guys on her terms.
00:36:15.000 Yeah.
00:36:15.000 Yeah.
00:36:15.000 I'll take it.
00:36:16.000 Telling you what to do?
00:36:17.000 I'll take it full charge.
00:36:19.000 Oh, that would be great.
00:36:20.000 The special effects are pretty dope too, man.
00:36:22.000 But something was missing in that movie.
00:36:25.000 The movie just didn't quite...
00:36:26.000 I mean, I enjoyed it, but it just didn't...
00:36:29.000 It was an alien.
00:36:30.000 Were aliens in it?
00:36:34.000 Yes.
00:36:34.000 Okay.
00:36:35.000 Yes.
00:36:36.000 Spoiler alert, but not as much.
00:36:38.000 It came out two years ago.
00:36:39.000 Somebody got mad about us, about the life of Pi.
00:36:42.000 I know.
00:36:42.000 Some fucking dude was all angry online.
00:36:44.000 I mean, he might just be a troll, so we might be feeding trolls.
00:36:47.000 Right.
00:36:47.000 I'm like, come on, man.
00:36:48.000 You're getting a spoiler alert about the, I was going to see it next week.
00:36:51.000 Well, you should have got on that shit if you really wanted to see it.
00:36:53.000 It came out in 2012. You snooze your news, bitch!
00:36:56.000 What I don't understand is if you really are that concerned about a movie, if you hear any hint of somebody talking about a movie, just stop listening immediately.
00:37:04.000 If we start talking about Life of Pi, that's when you go, alright, they're going to say something.
00:37:08.000 We talked about it for like 10 minutes.
00:37:10.000 It's just been on DVD for a year.
00:37:12.000 How long does it take to shut off your iPhone?
00:37:14.000 Reach down, fast forward.
00:37:16.000 Yeah, it's been on DVD for a long time.
00:37:18.000 You shouldn't be listening to the podcast.
00:37:19.000 You should be watching that fucking movie you want to see.
00:37:21.000 You know what's funny when you have a movie like that and it gets on NBC? The network television premiere.
00:37:27.000 That used to mean something.
00:37:29.000 Right.
00:37:29.000 Now it means you're slow as fuck.
00:37:31.000 Right.
00:37:32.000 You know, it used to mean something.
00:37:33.000 You'd get on HBO first, and then it would be the network television premiere.
00:37:37.000 Right.
00:37:37.000 And you'd go, whoa, NBC's got that movie on.
00:37:40.000 You remember that?
00:37:41.000 It was like a big deal.
00:37:42.000 It's like, well, now this movie is legitimate.
00:37:45.000 This is the network television premiere.
00:37:45.000 Right.
00:37:47.000 Right.
00:37:48.000 No, no, [...
00:37:50.000 No, this is you guys being super late.
00:37:52.000 Right.
00:37:53.000 First of all, it was in the movies.
00:37:54.000 It was in the movies, and we can go to the movies, too.
00:37:54.000 Right.
00:37:56.000 I remember...
00:37:57.000 I remember Star Wars came out in like 88 on like NBC. Came out like 1988. And it was a big deal.
00:38:03.000 That was a movie that kept coming back to the theaters.
00:38:05.000 You know?
00:38:05.000 Yep.
00:38:06.000 Yep.
00:38:07.000 Yeah.
00:38:07.000 Remember when there was TV movies when that was the big thing where you would sit home and there would be like a movie that was made by NBC or CBS and ABC and some of them even lasted like weeks.
00:38:17.000 Like they were just like 12 hour movies.
00:38:18.000 Oh yeah, like Salem's Lot.
00:38:20.000 Yeah.
00:38:20.000 Made for TV movies were big.
00:38:22.000 Poison Ivy with Michael J. Fox and Nancy McKean.
00:38:22.000 Yeah.
00:38:25.000 They did a new version of The Shining with the guy from Wings.
00:38:29.000 I remember when that happened.
00:38:31.000 Yeah.
00:38:32.000 Because they were like, The Shining doesn't really keep it real to the book.
00:38:34.000 Yeah.
00:38:35.000 And we're like, yeah, but it's good.
00:38:36.000 Yeah, they decided to un-Cubric it.
00:38:39.000 Right.
00:38:40.000 It wasn't so hot.
00:38:42.000 Have you ever heard the ideas that there's all these conspiracies or hints in The Shining of the moon landing and this, that, and the other?
00:38:51.000 Well, there was definitely references to it.
00:38:53.000 The kid wore an Apollo t-shirt.
00:38:55.000 There's actually documentaries that break down all the connections between the technology, the distance between the Earth and the moon being representative and All sorts of weird shit.
00:39:07.000 The documentary gave me blue balls really bad, though.
00:39:10.000 I was like, alright, I want to believe all this shit, and it just never connected that well for me.
00:39:15.000 I think if I was a filmmaker, I'd be fascinated by it, because I think Kubrick was one of those rare minds that was operating on a bunch of different levels at the same time.
00:39:28.000 I think that he was writing a script and creating this...
00:39:35.000 Yeah.
00:39:50.000 Leave people to decipher why exactly this number, what exactly was that supposed to represent.
00:39:57.000 He had a bunch of shit attached to it that didn't necessarily even have to be in the movie.
00:40:02.000 That's it, Room 237?
00:40:04.000 Yeah, I saw that.
00:40:05.000 I wasn't crazy about it.
00:40:06.000 Yeah, I couldn't get through it.
00:40:09.000 I thought it was interesting that people thought he was the actual one who faked the moon landing.
00:40:14.000 He was the one hired to do that.
00:40:15.000 Well, there's zero evidence that shows that he did, but there is a bunch of evidence that shows that he was working with NASA and that he got a lot of consulting with them when he was creating 1969, when he was doing 2001. That makes sense,
00:40:31.000 though.
00:40:31.000 Of course.
00:40:32.000 Of course it makes sense that he would consult with them.
00:40:34.000 Why would you...
00:40:35.000 If you're a huge movie producer, you're a guy who makes these perfect movies.
00:40:41.000 I mean, he made...
00:40:42.000 Dr. Strangelove was fantastic.
00:40:44.000 He was a wizard.
00:40:47.000 Clockwork Orange, the guy's a wizard.
00:40:49.000 A guy like that must put incredible...
00:40:51.000 Incredible amounts of consideration to every single aspect.
00:40:55.000 When you're doing something like space travel, of course you would have some sort of relationship with NASA. Right.
00:40:59.000 But if someone was going to be able to fake the moon landing, it'd probably be that dude.
00:41:03.000 Yeah.
00:41:04.000 I mean, it'd probably be only that dude.
00:41:06.000 At that time?
00:41:07.000 George Lucas.
00:41:09.000 He was a baby at that time.
00:41:11.000 George Lucas was probably in his 20s when that was going on.
00:41:14.000 That was 1969 to 1972. Well, they filmed it in 68. No, I'm just kidding.
00:41:21.000 Did you ever see that Roger Moore documentary or Roger Moore, James Bond, when he's being chased by these bad guys and he runs through a set of the moon?
00:41:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:33.000 I never got that as a kid, but yeah, I get that.
00:41:36.000 It's funny.
00:41:37.000 They were filming the moon.
00:41:39.000 Filming the moon landings.
00:41:40.000 They had to rock it out and Roger Moore goes running through it.
00:41:44.000 Was it Sean Connery or Roger Moore?
00:41:46.000 It had to be Roger Moore because they turned into comedies after Roger Moore started.
00:41:49.000 Yeah, that's right.
00:41:50.000 Isn't it interesting?
00:41:52.000 They turned wacky.
00:41:53.000 Yeah, 007 became like a little wacky sort of Burt Reynolds-esque.
00:41:58.000 It's kind of weird.
00:41:59.000 It was like a Smokey and the Bandit type 007. It was almost like Benny Hill music playing while he's chasing people around.
00:42:05.000 Right, and he was always, yeah.
00:42:07.000 And then you get Daniel Craig, which is totally, it's more like the book.
00:42:12.000 He's more like the real 007, the literature, literary character.
00:42:12.000 Right.
00:42:17.000 Have you seen the 007 documentary, where it takes you from the beginning all the way to the current?
00:42:23.000 No.
00:42:24.000 It's really good, because it started, obviously, with that guy writing books about James Bond.
00:42:29.000 And there was even an American version called Jimmy Bond first.
00:42:32.000 Oh, no!
00:42:34.000 Was it really?
00:42:35.000 Yeah, it was all black and white and he's got an American accent.
00:42:38.000 Oh my god.
00:42:39.000 It's really bad.
00:42:40.000 His name is Jimmy Bond.
00:42:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:42:42.000 They made an American version of James.
00:42:44.000 Before the British.
00:42:44.000 Before James Connery.
00:42:46.000 Oh god.
00:42:46.000 I mean Sean Connery.
00:42:47.000 Please find that.
00:42:49.000 And you know about the guy that only did one James Bond movie?
00:42:52.000 No.
00:42:52.000 There's a guy that was between Roger Moore and Sean Connery and he kind of got influenced by the hippie movement.
00:43:00.000 And grew his hair all along and started doing all these public statements about the war.
00:43:06.000 And they dropped him in a second because he didn't fit the image anymore.
00:43:10.000 No shit.
00:43:11.000 And he was really disappointed.
00:43:12.000 He's always been disappointed by it.
00:43:14.000 That he did that?
00:43:15.000 That he did that because he only got one movie.
00:43:17.000 He would have been set for life and he kind of fucked it up.
00:43:19.000 They probably locked him out too, right?
00:43:20.000 They locked him out and he seems to think he was kind of influenced by...
00:43:25.000 By, like, all these outside guys.
00:43:26.000 Like, hey, you have this voice now.
00:43:27.000 You need to express all these opinions.
00:43:29.000 And he felt like he didn't necessarily really want to do it.
00:43:32.000 He just felt pressured to do it.
00:43:34.000 The first guy was Barry Nelson in 1954. That's the American, you think?
00:43:39.000 Or is that somebody before Sean Connery?
00:43:42.000 I don't know.
00:43:43.000 I'll read this.
00:43:44.000 In early 1954, Ian Fleming was paid $1,000 for the television rights to Casino Royale.
00:43:49.000 Oh, it was a TV show.
00:43:51.000 It was adapted into an hour-long TV special.
00:43:54.000 And was broadcast on CBS October 21st, 1954 as an episode of Climax Mystery Theater.
00:44:02.000 They didn't even know.
00:44:04.000 They didn't have Climax back then.
00:44:06.000 Peter Lorre?
00:44:07.000 What is that?
00:44:08.000 This is what you're talking about, right?
00:44:09.000 Oh, this is it?
00:44:10.000 The TV show?
00:44:11.000 It's the first episode, I guess.
00:44:11.000 Yeah.
00:44:13.000 Linda Christian.
00:44:14.000 Boy, that was, like, good stuff back then.
00:44:23.000 Climax!
00:44:24.000 Look, it's all wiggly and shit.
00:44:26.000 When they have the logo up, it can't sit still.
00:44:29.000 Like, it moves around.
00:44:31.000 Look at this guy.
00:44:32.000 It's not even in focus.
00:44:34.000 It's killed plenty of men and women.
00:44:35.000 It's made beggars of many and millionaires of a few.
00:44:39.000 Mighty few.
00:44:40.000 In French gambling casinos, this is called a shoe.
00:44:43.000 It holds the cards for Baccarat, king of gambling games, and its purpose is to make sure that no one can pull any funny business like dealing from the bottom.
00:44:54.000 The game to be played tonight is for the highest stakes of all.
00:44:57.000 A man is going to wager his life.
00:45:00.000 Climax presents Casino Royale from the bestseller by Ian Fleming.
00:45:05.000 The guy's pulling cards out while he's doing this and throwing them on the ground.
00:45:10.000 Isn't it so funny he got a whole intro to a show?
00:45:13.000 He's cool, man.
00:45:15.000 Look, he's just throwing the cards away.
00:45:17.000 Ha ha ha ha ha!
00:45:19.000 What if there's like an old guy introducing, like, house?
00:45:21.000 Look at this Act 1. Casino Royale, Act 1. Oh my god, this is so fake looking.
00:45:29.000 It's so weird.
00:45:32.000 Oh my god, he's got a gun.
00:45:33.000 He shot.
00:45:34.000 He missed him.
00:45:35.000 And then he hit the tree.
00:45:37.000 Whoa, they're really shooting that tree.
00:45:38.000 What the fuck's that about?
00:45:40.000 That guy's standing there while they're shooting at that tree.
00:45:42.000 I know, why wouldn't he run?
00:45:44.000 Or he fought to the ground.
00:45:47.000 Is that James Bond?
00:45:49.000 Yep.
00:45:50.000 That's the original James Bond.
00:45:52.000 I'll never catch him now.
00:45:54.000 I'll never catch him now.
00:45:55.000 The guy's got a ten-step head start.
00:45:55.000 You bitch.
00:45:57.000 That's it.
00:45:58.000 Chase him, pussy.
00:45:59.000 I'll never catch him now.
00:46:01.000 Come on.
00:46:02.000 People are so unathletic then.
00:46:05.000 Can you imagine if you heard that kind of shit from, what's his name?
00:46:08.000 Daniel Craig?
00:46:09.000 No, the other guy.
00:46:11.000 Sean Connery?
00:46:11.000 The American guy, James Bond, James Bourne, Bourne Identity, whatever it is.
00:46:16.000 Jason Bourne.
00:46:16.000 Yeah, Jason Bourne.
00:46:17.000 Can you imagine if Jason Bourne said something like that?
00:46:19.000 Well, he's too far away now.
00:46:21.000 The movie would end right there.
00:46:23.000 Everybody would go, what kind of pussy am I paying money to see?
00:46:26.000 It's just another movie where he just goes to eat lunch.
00:46:28.000 Yeah.
00:46:29.000 There was another guy in 1956. His name was Bob Holness.
00:46:33.000 And Bob Holness provided the voice for James Bond in a South African radio adaption.
00:46:40.000 So he was one of the James Bonds, but not a physical James Bond.
00:46:43.000 Then, there was Bob Simmons.
00:46:46.000 And Bob Simmons is apparently the guy that...
00:46:55.000 Stop doing it, right?
00:46:58.000 Or was it David Niven?
00:47:00.000 I'm not sure.
00:47:01.000 This was in the 60s whenever there was just one guy who did one movie.
00:47:05.000 George Lazenby?
00:47:06.000 Is it him?
00:47:07.000 I'm not sure.
00:47:09.000 I don't know which guy it is then.
00:47:15.000 It's either George Lazenby or David Niven.
00:47:21.000 I would imagine it would be Lazenby for some reason.
00:47:25.000 One of the most interesting things about the documentary is in the 80s, all the James Bond movies are done by one family.
00:47:34.000 Really?
00:47:35.000 Yeah, except for one.
00:47:37.000 And Sean Connery was friends with this outside director, and they did a James Bond movie in the 80s, and it came out the same time as a Roger Moore James Bond movie.
00:47:49.000 This I didn't know.
00:47:51.000 Came out like the same week.
00:47:54.000 Two James Bond movies, two different James Bonds.
00:47:56.000 Wow.
00:47:57.000 Yeah.
00:47:57.000 Yeah, it was Lazenby.
00:47:59.000 Lazenby was the only guy that only played it once.
00:48:02.000 But it doesn't say anything in his Wikipedia about that.
00:48:06.000 It just says, I guess it's just not that important to some people, that they put it in his Wikipedia.
00:48:13.000 Interesting, man.
00:48:14.000 Yeah, it's fascinating to me.
00:48:16.000 Yeah.
00:48:18.000 Okay, here it is.
00:48:21.000 Yeah.
00:48:22.000 I guess, yeah, there was some issues.
00:48:26.000 I'm fascinated with different actors playing the same character, especially when it's supposed to be seamless.
00:48:31.000 How about the Hulk?
00:48:32.000 In modern times, how many Hulks have there been?
00:48:34.000 There's been three.
00:48:37.000 In modern times, there's been Eric Bana, and then there was Homeboy from American History X. Right.
00:48:43.000 What's his name?
00:48:44.000 Norton.
00:48:46.000 Ed Norton.
00:48:46.000 Yeah.
00:48:47.000 And then there's the new guy, Mark Ruffalo's...
00:48:49.000 Oh, is he a Hulk now?
00:48:51.000 He's the best Hulk ever.
00:48:52.000 That's adorable.
00:48:53.000 How dare you?
00:48:53.000 Adorable.
00:48:54.000 He's fantastic.
00:48:56.000 Well, you wouldn't like him when he's angry.
00:48:57.000 Dude, the secret is he's always angry.
00:49:00.000 That's the secret.
00:49:01.000 He says that, and then he turns into the Hulk and smashes some shit.
00:49:04.000 He's the best Hulk ever.
00:49:05.000 The Hulk is the best Hulk ever now, and he's the best Hulk ever.
00:49:08.000 He's the best Banner.
00:49:09.000 Okay.
00:49:10.000 Did you know that the original Banner's name was Bruce?
00:49:12.000 And then for TV, they changed it to David?
00:49:14.000 Why'd they do that?
00:49:15.000 Because Bruce is gay as fuck.
00:49:17.000 Ha ha ha!
00:49:19.000 Is that why?
00:49:20.000 Yeah.
00:49:21.000 Isn't that hilarious?
00:49:22.000 In the days when that was out, I guess that was the 70s.
00:49:25.000 Like, when was the Hulk?
00:49:26.000 Was it the 70s or the 80s?
00:49:28.000 Late 70s, because I remember watching it.
00:49:30.000 Yeah, so in those days, Bruce was associated with gay men.
00:49:35.000 Like, it was the joke.
00:49:36.000 Oh, look, here comes Bruce.
00:49:38.000 No kidding.
00:49:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:39.000 If you were going to call someone gay, he'd say, is his name Bruce?
00:49:45.000 That's crazy.
00:49:46.000 Yeah, Bruce Lee.
00:49:47.000 Right.
00:49:48.000 He's one of the most manly guys ever.
00:49:50.000 One of the baddest motherfuckers of all time was Bruce.
00:49:50.000 Yeah.
00:49:53.000 And then there's Springsteen.
00:49:53.000 And then they'd be like...
00:49:54.000 What about that?
00:49:55.000 Come on, bitch.
00:49:56.000 That's manly shit right there.
00:49:57.000 We'll give you Jenner.
00:49:58.000 You can have Jenner.
00:49:59.000 You can have Jenner.
00:50:00.000 Jenner's all yours.
00:50:00.000 We didn't know at the time.
00:50:01.000 You get your Adam's apple trimmed out, you're out of the book.
00:50:05.000 That is, like, actually happening, right?
00:50:06.000 He's getting very feminine.
00:50:09.000 Allegedly, he's getting very feminine.
00:50:11.000 Allegedly, he didn't like his Adam's apple, so he had some shit done to it.
00:50:14.000 But who knows?
00:50:15.000 The reality might have been, like, he might have had something wrong with his voice.
00:50:19.000 Might have had something wrong with his neck.
00:50:20.000 Could be.
00:50:21.000 Be assholes just insinuating that he's becoming a woman.
00:50:25.000 I didn't say that.
00:50:26.000 However...
00:50:26.000 We got Bruce Lee and Bruce Springsteen.
00:50:28.000 That's all I'm saying.
00:50:29.000 Yeah.
00:50:29.000 I mean, Jenner was a bad motherfucker for like one weekend in the 60s during the Olympics.
00:50:34.000 Whoever it was.
00:50:35.000 He might have just had a gross neck bone or two.
00:50:37.000 Like some of those people have those little neck things going on.
00:50:39.000 It's disgusting.
00:50:40.000 It's true.
00:50:41.000 That's an issue with a lot of older folks.
00:50:44.000 Their necks get really creepy.
00:50:45.000 Yeah, he's not a young guy.
00:50:47.000 They do.
00:50:47.000 They get creepy.
00:50:48.000 Yeah.
00:50:48.000 Like, you look at their face and you don't mind looking at their face at all.
00:50:51.000 Like, you know, you have a pleasant face.
00:50:52.000 Sure.
00:50:53.000 And then you see their neck, you're like, ooh, balls.
00:50:55.000 This is going to end terribly.
00:50:57.000 And then you realize, oh, for all of us, everyone's going to get that turkey neck one day.
00:51:02.000 Yeah.
00:51:03.000 If you're lucky.
00:51:03.000 Yeah.
00:51:04.000 If you're lucky, stay alive long enough for your skin to have a bad relationship with your face.
00:51:08.000 Yeah.
00:51:09.000 Just slowly but surely.
00:51:11.000 Speaking of that, I did this cryo-chamber thing today, and we were talking about it before the podcast, and I pulled these tweets up.
00:51:18.000 Eddie Bravo told me about this, and I read about it online, and I had Ian McCall, who's a fighter in the UFC, one of the top flyweight contenders.
00:51:27.000 He does it every day.
00:51:28.000 So I was like, okay, I've heard too much about this.
00:51:30.000 I've got to give this a try.
00:51:32.000 So I went to this place called the Cryo Health Center in LA today.
00:51:37.000 And you go into this, it's like, sort of like a suntanning booth, I guess, or a sauna.
00:51:43.000 Yeah, like a sauna, like a big metal sauna.
00:51:46.000 And it's 240 degrees below zero in there.
00:51:51.000 And you go in there for two minutes naked at 240 degrees below zero.
00:51:58.000 I got a hard on.
00:52:00.000 I got very hard.
00:52:01.000 Really?
00:52:01.000 No.
00:52:03.000 It's like, what the fuck?
00:52:04.000 Your dick runs.
00:52:05.000 It's hard to breathe.
00:52:06.000 It's one of the strangest feelings ever.
00:52:08.000 How long?
00:52:09.000 How long?
00:52:09.000 Only two minutes.
00:52:11.000 That's me in there.
00:52:12.000 Only two minutes.
00:52:14.000 Minus 240, you said.
00:52:16.000 Yeah, 240 degrees below zero.
00:52:17.000 It's weird how cold that feels.
00:52:20.000 As long as you only do it for a couple minutes, it's actually really good for your body.
00:52:24.000 Did you feel your eyes getting frozen or anything?
00:52:26.000 No, that's a weird thing about eyes, man.
00:52:28.000 We've talked about this before.
00:52:29.000 We talked about why don't your eyes get cold when it gets really cold out.
00:52:32.000 It's really weird.
00:52:33.000 The wind can whip into your eyes and it hurts.
00:52:36.000 That can be cold because that's a physical act of something like the actual air itself smacking into your eyeballs.
00:52:45.000 That can hurt.
00:52:46.000 But regular cold, unless it gets really, really fucking cold, your eyes don't get cold.
00:52:52.000 My eyes weren't cold.
00:52:53.000 The most noticeable thing wasn't just that my skin was really cold, but that it was hard to breathe.
00:52:59.000 It's so cold, everything constricts.
00:53:03.000 You know, you're standing there naked.
00:53:05.000 How safe is this?
00:53:06.000 Safe as fuck.
00:53:07.000 Really?
00:53:08.000 Yeah, don't be a pussy.
00:53:09.000 Get in there.
00:53:09.000 It seems safe.
00:53:11.000 It looks like you're in isolation.
00:53:12.000 It's super easy to open up the door.
00:53:13.000 Is there a lock on the door?
00:53:16.000 Well, only if someone really doesn't like you.
00:53:18.000 You would definitely die.
00:53:20.000 That's one thing.
00:53:21.000 If someone locked you in there, if you're naked, I don't know how long you're going to last.
00:53:24.000 Yeah, what if that lock just stopped working?
00:53:26.000 It doesn't have a lock.
00:53:27.000 It's just a swinging door.
00:53:29.000 You just open the door.
00:53:30.000 It's not hard.
00:53:32.000 It's thick as fuck, though.
00:53:33.000 It would be hard to claw your way out of that in time.
00:53:35.000 Don't get in this booth if you're in a fraternity or something.
00:53:40.000 A fraternity.
00:53:40.000 Oh my god.
00:53:41.000 Right, because like eight other frat brothers would fucking hold the door closed.
00:53:44.000 Oh yeah.
00:53:44.000 And haze you.
00:53:45.000 Yeah.
00:53:46.000 We hazed him.
00:53:48.000 He's dead.
00:53:48.000 He's dead.
00:53:49.000 Or at least you'd have horrible frostbite where they have to remove like half the skin of your back.
00:53:54.000 Ugh.
00:53:54.000 Yeah.
00:53:55.000 I'm like, sorry, bro.
00:53:57.000 Listen, you're Phi Beta Kappa for life.
00:53:59.000 I'll tell you what, man.
00:54:00.000 There's no more hazing.
00:54:01.000 Sorry, bro.
00:54:03.000 You get it?
00:54:04.000 You gotta pass.
00:54:05.000 We're the senior tattoo already, okay?
00:54:08.000 We've decided.
00:54:09.000 We all voted on it.
00:54:10.000 We all voted in.
00:54:13.000 Assholes.
00:54:13.000 Ugh.
00:54:15.000 I never joined one.
00:54:17.000 I passed by a frat the other day.
00:54:18.000 All these dudes were in front of the house, and they were playing football, playing catch on the lawn.
00:54:23.000 There was a bunch of them, and they were drinking beer.
00:54:25.000 I was like, this is so stereotypical.
00:54:29.000 Did you guys see a movie, and you decided to go to school and do everything that they did in the movies?
00:54:34.000 Wacky frat guys?
00:54:35.000 Did you see Neighbors?
00:54:36.000 No.
00:54:37.000 That's pretty funny.
00:54:38.000 It's all about that also.
00:54:39.000 You know, like people hanging out on the front porch and drinking and having parties, but living next to that with your family.
00:54:46.000 Did you see the reactions that Seth Rogen got by some wacky feminist when it came to that guy that was shooting people up in Santa Barbara?
00:54:57.000 No, what happened?
00:54:58.000 This woman, well, you know the guy who shot everybody up in Santa Barbara.
00:55:02.000 Well, this woman somehow or another implied that it's cartoonish depictions of women.
00:55:08.000 Like in Seth Rogen's movies that lead men to have these horrific ideas of what women really are and then somehow or another lead to them killing them.
00:55:18.000 Especially in that one story, it's a terrible connection because he killed men too.
00:55:25.000 He killed more men, in fact, than he killed women.
00:55:27.000 He killed four men and two women.
00:55:29.000 I mean, he was just a sick fuck.
00:55:31.000 The kid was a mess.
00:55:32.000 But the idea that somehow or another Seth Rogen's movies have to be...
00:55:36.000 Gender balanced.
00:55:39.000 At the sacrifice of what?
00:55:41.000 Of comedy?
00:55:42.000 They can't be caricaturists.
00:55:42.000 Right.
00:55:44.000 Right.
00:55:45.000 Whoever's in the film.
00:55:46.000 It can't be a woman with long nails who's really dumb and has big tits.
00:55:49.000 If that happens, a guy's going to murder people.
00:55:52.000 Right.
00:55:52.000 And what about actual cartoons?
00:55:55.000 You know what I mean?
00:55:55.000 There's all those crazy depictions in that.
00:55:57.000 Have you heard about his new movie?
00:55:59.000 It's about North Korea?
00:56:00.000 Or they were already saying...
00:56:00.000 Yeah.
00:56:02.000 Like, this is a threat of war, and if this movie comes out, that they're threatening war on us because of this movie.
00:56:08.000 They can't go to war with us.
00:56:09.000 That's ridiculous.
00:56:10.000 For what movie?
00:56:11.000 For the- Can you imagine?
00:56:13.000 Yeah.
00:56:14.000 New Seth Rogen movie about assassinating Kim Jong.
00:56:17.000 Oh.
00:56:18.000 It's called the- Could you imagine- Could you imagine if North Korea goes to war on us for a fucking James Franco movie?
00:56:28.000 We'd be like, we don't like him either!
00:56:30.000 We're not going to kill them.
00:56:31.000 Just troll them on Instagram.
00:56:33.000 You don't have to do this.
00:56:36.000 They should have went to war over that South Park movie, Team America.
00:56:36.000 You don't have to go to war.
00:56:40.000 Yeah, that was way worse.
00:56:42.000 That was when they drew the line in the sand, though.
00:56:44.000 That was great.
00:56:45.000 That was the first blow.
00:56:46.000 They're like, one more time, motherfuckers.
00:56:48.000 One more time.
00:56:49.000 They're always threatening war, though, aren't they?
00:56:51.000 I don't know.
00:56:52.000 I think they just...
00:56:53.000 They're like, if the McRib doesn't come back this week, we're going to war with you.
00:56:56.000 Well, they're very hurting.
00:56:58.000 They don't have much money.
00:57:00.000 They say when you fly over to North Korea at night it's all dark because they can't afford to keep the lights on.
00:57:05.000 It's not a good place.
00:57:06.000 I don't want to go.
00:57:07.000 We had Shane Smith on from Vice, and he talked about his visits to North Korea.
00:57:11.000 He said it was the craziest thing ever.
00:57:13.000 They pretended that they took him to a restaurant.
00:57:15.000 It was all set up, but there was no one else there but him.
00:57:17.000 And he said it was so obvious by the way that people moved.
00:57:20.000 They didn't move with people who were comfortable working there.
00:57:24.000 It was all a totally new experience for them.
00:57:26.000 So they probably were people that were forced into this position to pretend that it was a restaurant for American journalists.
00:57:32.000 Right.
00:57:33.000 And he's like going, whoa.
00:57:35.000 And then you got Dennis Rodman going over there playing basketball and grab ass with the fucking kid.
00:57:40.000 Then the kid winds up being the new dictator now, right?
00:57:44.000 I miss Dennis Rodman being on TV every day.
00:57:47.000 He could be on TV every day.
00:57:49.000 If someone was smart, just follow him with a camera.
00:57:52.000 How does that guy not have a reality show?
00:57:53.000 He should.
00:57:54.000 A good reality show producer.
00:57:56.000 You're telling me you can produce a TV show about a slippery road.
00:58:01.000 But you can't produce a TV show about a giant black man with facial piercings that likes to get drunk?
00:58:07.000 Are you crazy?
00:58:09.000 Wait a minute.
00:58:09.000 He's a celebrity.
00:58:10.000 He plays basketball with murderers.
00:58:13.000 He plays basketball with a guy who killed his own family.
00:58:16.000 The guy killed his own family because he was worried they were going to assassinate him.
00:58:22.000 He goes over there and plays basketball with that.
00:58:24.000 You can't make a show.
00:58:25.000 You can make a show about dudes who hunt alligators.
00:58:28.000 We're swamp people.
00:58:31.000 It's like dudes giving away parking tickets as a show.
00:58:34.000 Exactly.
00:58:35.000 They have a guy who makes pools.
00:58:36.000 A guy who makes pools.
00:58:37.000 He's the pool master.
00:58:40.000 On the next episode of Crochet.
00:58:42.000 Yeah, what the fuck?
00:58:43.000 Betty Crochet is a sheet.
00:58:45.000 How do they not have...
00:58:46.000 How does Dennis Rodman not have a show?
00:58:48.000 Why don't I produce it?
00:58:49.000 What am I doing?
00:58:50.000 You should.
00:58:51.000 I should be the Ryan Seacrest of the Dennis Rodman shows.
00:58:55.000 That's how he got started with this whole Kim Kardashian thing.
00:58:58.000 Come in and introduce it like an old James Bond TV show?
00:59:01.000 Is Ryan Seacrest in bed with Satan or does he just know him?
00:59:04.000 What do you think?
00:59:05.000 Spawn.
00:59:06.000 You think he's in bed with him?
00:59:07.000 I mean, think about what he's a part of.
00:59:09.000 It's not Star Search.
00:59:10.000 It's American Idol.
00:59:11.000 It's part of American Idol.
00:59:11.000 Yeah.
00:59:13.000 It's part of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
00:59:15.000 And during that time, he has time to be the host of Top 40 Radio every morning.
00:59:19.000 Yeah.
00:59:20.000 What does he do on the Kardashians?
00:59:21.000 I've never watched that show.
00:59:22.000 Oh, okay, okay.
00:59:22.000 Producer of it.
00:59:23.000 He created it.
00:59:25.000 He's on the radio every morning.
00:59:27.000 He gets it.
00:59:28.000 How's he on the radio every morning?
00:59:29.000 How do you do that?
00:59:30.000 How do you have the time?
00:59:31.000 A lot of people, that means a lot of people like him.
00:59:34.000 Oh yeah, he's very likable.
00:59:36.000 Or, maybe this, a lot of people don't hate him.
00:59:39.000 I think that's more like it, right?
00:59:41.000 Yeah.
00:59:41.000 There's a lot of that going on.
00:59:42.000 I don't know who the fuck he is.
00:59:43.000 Yeah.
00:59:43.000 Do you know who the fuck he is?
00:59:45.000 Barely.
00:59:45.000 I barely know you and I know you pretty good.
00:59:47.000 Right.
00:59:48.000 Right.
00:59:50.000 I don't know that fucking dude.
00:59:51.000 Do you know that dude?
00:59:52.000 No.
00:59:52.000 I don't know anything, any of his opinions or anything about him.
00:59:55.000 I feel like I know certain dudes.
00:59:57.000 Right.
00:59:57.000 I feel like if you had a couple of drinks with Val Kilmer, you pretty much know what's up.
01:00:01.000 Right.
01:00:01.000 Right?
01:00:02.000 He'd be testing the bounds of reality.
01:00:04.000 Yeah.
01:00:04.000 He'd probably throw some mushrooms down the hatch and go walk through the parking lot.
01:00:08.000 He'd be like, Val, come on, man.
01:00:09.000 We gotta get out of here.
01:00:11.000 Babysitting Val Kilroy.
01:00:13.000 Every night, someone's got to babysit him.
01:00:16.000 That's how it is.
01:00:16.000 That's his life.
01:00:16.000 You want to hang out with Val.
01:00:18.000 You got to make sure he makes it home.
01:00:20.000 You never know what he's going to pop and trip.
01:00:22.000 Yeah.
01:00:23.000 That's a dude that used to be one of the biggest sex symbols in the country.
01:00:27.000 Absolutely.
01:00:28.000 And then he just decided to just keep eating.
01:00:30.000 Yeah.
01:00:30.000 He just totally tapped out.
01:00:32.000 Just done.
01:00:33.000 I'm done.
01:00:34.000 He used to be the Iceman.
01:00:35.000 I'm going to get big.
01:00:36.000 Yeah, he's like, fuck it.
01:00:37.000 I'm fine with this.
01:00:39.000 Yeah, he was, uh, wasn't he like a superhero?
01:00:43.000 What's that?
01:00:43.000 The saint.
01:00:44.000 The saint, yeah, he was a superhero.
01:00:45.000 He was the saint.
01:00:46.000 Yeah.
01:00:47.000 And he always- What kind of shit fucking superhero is that?
01:00:50.000 But all the superheroes, you know?
01:00:52.000 What?
01:00:52.000 Yeah.
01:00:53.000 I don't know that one that well.
01:00:54.000 Did he not see The Watchmen?
01:00:57.000 Did you not read Spider-Man?
01:00:59.000 How come you get to be the saint?
01:01:00.000 Yeah, I don't know.
01:01:01.000 Come on, Tobey Maguire gets to be Peter Parker and you gotta be the fucking saint?
01:01:04.000 No.
01:01:05.000 That's some bullshit.
01:01:06.000 Dude, that is bullshit.
01:01:06.000 That's a bad deal.
01:01:09.000 He did play Jim Morrison in The Doors, right?
01:01:11.000 That's where he cooked his brain.
01:01:12.000 And he got in touch with his fat side in that movie.
01:01:16.000 He used to be a thin dude, but then he played the 27-year-old Jim Morrison and got his gut all amped out.
01:01:23.000 You ever doubt ever in your life that Val Kilmer was a bad motherfucker?
01:01:29.000 You gotta watch that movie Tombstone.
01:01:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:01:32.000 Oh my goodness.
01:01:34.000 He puts on a command performance in Tombstone.
01:01:37.000 You ever seen Top Secret?
01:01:39.000 Yes.
01:01:40.000 That's funny shit.
01:01:41.000 No, it's not.
01:01:41.000 I haven't seen it since the 80s.
01:01:43.000 It's funny that you think it's funny.
01:01:44.000 I saw it in the 80s when I was a kid.
01:01:47.000 I was such a fan of Naked Gun that I tried to watch all those movies like Kentucky Fried Movie, Top Secret.
01:01:53.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:01:54.000 They all just did not live up to the Naked Gun.
01:01:56.000 Oh, well.
01:01:57.000 What was the TV show that started Naked Gun?
01:02:01.000 Police Files or something?
01:02:03.000 Police Squad.
01:02:03.000 Police Squad.
01:02:04.000 That's what it was.
01:02:05.000 93. Wow.
01:02:06.000 Tombstone was 21 fucking years ago.
01:02:09.000 That's so crazy.
01:02:12.000 Wow, man.
01:02:13.000 Wasn't there another movie about Doc Holliday and all those guys that came out at the same time?
01:02:19.000 Yes.
01:02:20.000 It was Tombstone.
01:02:21.000 Close to it.
01:02:22.000 Close to it.
01:02:23.000 But it was a little later.
01:02:26.000 Who was in it?
01:02:28.000 I want to say Kevin Costner.
01:02:30.000 I think so.
01:02:31.000 Yeah.
01:02:32.000 But Tombstone was the good one with the I'm Your Huckleberry and all that shit.
01:02:34.000 I can't hear you, bitch.
01:02:35.000 Unforgiven?
01:02:36.000 Unforgiven, no.
01:02:37.000 Wrong.
01:02:38.000 That's Clint Eastwood.
01:02:39.000 How dare you.
01:02:40.000 How dare you confuse Kevin Costner and Clint Eastwood.
01:02:43.000 Go back to Ohio.
01:02:44.000 How dare you.
01:02:47.000 No, Kevin Costner played Wyatt Earp, right?
01:02:50.000 Didn't he?
01:02:51.000 I think so.
01:02:52.000 And someone else played someone like...
01:02:56.000 Who else played it?
01:02:57.000 Kurt Russell was in there somewhere, maybe?
01:02:59.000 Yeah, that's who it was.
01:03:00.000 It's very confusing, because I've only seen Tombstone.
01:03:03.000 Wyatt Earp, the movie.
01:03:04.000 Let's see.
01:03:05.000 Wyatt Earp.
01:03:06.000 It was good.
01:03:08.000 But it was weird, because they had to put Kevin Costner in some weird wig to make him look like he was a kid.
01:03:14.000 Really?
01:03:15.000 And then they took the wig off when he was younger, and you're like, wait, when he was older, like, wait a minute.
01:03:20.000 I was more of a young guns guy.
01:03:22.000 Young Guns was fun.
01:03:23.000 Young Guns was fun.
01:03:24.000 Wyatt Earp was 94, so it was a year later.
01:03:27.000 Yeah, so it was Kevin Costner and Dennis Quaid.
01:03:30.000 There you go.
01:03:31.000 Dennis Quaid played Doc Holliday.
01:03:33.000 He did a good job at Doc Holliday too, but I remember this one dude who's an actor, I was trying to tell him, I saw the movie, I saw...
01:03:43.000 Tombstone, I was talking about how good Val Kilmer was as Doc Holliday.
01:03:47.000 I was like, that dude was creepy good in that movie.
01:03:49.000 He's like, I disagree.
01:03:50.000 I thought his performance was a little over the top.
01:03:53.000 You know, Dennis Quaid, I thought, did a much better job on the Raw.
01:03:56.000 I'm like, no you don't.
01:03:57.000 I go, you don't think...
01:03:58.000 You just saw...
01:03:59.000 You saw him do it.
01:04:01.000 You saw what Val Kilmer did and you knew that you can't do that.
01:04:04.000 Right.
01:04:04.000 And it bothers the shit out of you.
01:04:06.000 Yeah.
01:04:06.000 Because you're a mediocre sitcom actor.
01:04:08.000 Yeah.
01:04:09.000 And so you're all angry.
01:04:10.000 That Dennis Quaid, you're like, oh, Dennis Quaid's your hero now.
01:04:14.000 Why?
01:04:15.000 Because Dennis Quaid did it.
01:04:16.000 It wasn't the same kind of performance.
01:04:18.000 He did a good job, but Val Kilmer hit that creepy spot.
01:04:23.000 He hit that creepy spot where you really believed he was a gunfighter.
01:04:26.000 You really believed that he had some lightning reflex and he had killed a hundred men with his gun.
01:04:32.000 When he was like, I'm your Huckleberry, and he's got this dead look in his eyes, that dude knew he couldn't hit that spot.
01:04:39.000 Right.
01:04:39.000 And so he's like, I thought his performance was very over the top.
01:04:42.000 The fuck you did!
01:04:44.000 Over the top of my ability.
01:04:45.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:04:46.000 You just feel like shit when you watch it.
01:04:48.000 Yeah.
01:04:48.000 So you try to diminish your hater.
01:04:52.000 Hater face.
01:04:53.000 Look how many hookers do you think they had filming this movie?
01:04:55.000 None.
01:04:55.000 They're all kissing each other.
01:04:57.000 They're all fucking oiled up after every show.
01:04:59.000 Right.
01:05:00.000 Rolled around, smooched.
01:05:02.000 Charlie Sheen.
01:05:02.000 Winning.
01:05:03.000 Very small mouth there.
01:05:05.000 Who are the lesser known guys?
01:05:06.000 Are they still working?
01:05:08.000 Isn't this Dr. McDreamy or whatever his name is?
01:05:11.000 Really?
01:05:12.000 No.
01:05:13.000 No, that one's not.
01:05:14.000 Is one of the other ones?
01:05:15.000 Why don't you find that cast?
01:05:17.000 The guy all the way on the right looks kind of familiar.
01:05:19.000 Here we go.
01:05:20.000 It's Amelia Estevez, Kiefer Sullivan, Lou Dunman Phillips, Charlie Sheen, Dermot Mulroney, and Casey Sizemore.
01:05:29.000 Yes, none of those guys is Dr. McDreamy.
01:05:36.000 Dr. McDreamy.
01:05:37.000 That's woman porn, boy.
01:05:39.000 A doctor, a smart, sensitive doctor with good bone structure.
01:05:42.000 That's woman porn.
01:05:44.000 He's got good ethics.
01:05:45.000 Dr. McDreamy's a guy from Can't Buy Me Love, right?
01:05:47.000 Mm-hmm.
01:05:48.000 Patrick Dempsey?
01:05:49.000 Yeah.
01:05:50.000 I met that dude once at the comedy store.
01:05:53.000 Yeah?
01:05:53.000 Yeah, I got off stage.
01:05:55.000 He's a nice guy.
01:05:57.000 And he was with a date, I guess.
01:06:01.000 And he's like, man, you really let that heckler get to you.
01:06:05.000 He's like, you know, don't let him bother you that much.
01:06:08.000 So I was like, what?
01:06:08.000 No, fuck him, man.
01:06:09.000 You gotta shut those people down.
01:06:11.000 He was giving me advice on how to interact with hecklers.
01:06:16.000 I was like, listen, dude, you get up there and you tell some jokes and have some drunken asshole yell shit at you in front of a packed house where you have to deal with that.
01:06:16.000 Not so dreamy.
01:06:25.000 Like, you don't know what that is.
01:06:26.000 You want to try it?
01:06:28.000 You go try it.
01:06:28.000 And then tell me you know what it is.
01:06:30.000 But when someone's interrupting the flow of the show, like screaming shit out, you have to deal with that.
01:06:37.000 And you've got to deal with that in as abusive a way as possible.
01:06:40.000 You have to discourage that from ever happening again.
01:06:43.000 And that's the only way to get comedy out of it.
01:06:45.000 It's your job as a comedian to belittle and mock that person.
01:06:50.000 Oh yeah.
01:06:50.000 It's a responsibility.
01:06:51.000 It has to happen because the audience feels that.
01:06:54.000 The audience is pissed.
01:06:55.000 You've got a drunk guy who's interrupting the show.
01:06:57.000 It's almost always a guy.
01:06:58.000 But occasionally it's a chick.
01:07:00.000 But they're less aggressive.
01:07:01.000 The chicks that do it, their heckles are very rarely as out-and-out douchey as the men heckles.
01:07:07.000 They're more clueless.
01:07:08.000 Right.
01:07:08.000 Yeah.
01:07:09.000 They're not used to being told to be quiet.
01:07:12.000 Fuck you, full charge!
01:07:15.000 We don't fucking do that shit in Boston!
01:07:17.000 You come here!
01:07:18.000 You fucking fat queer!
01:07:21.000 In Boston, I just let it happen.
01:07:21.000 Yeah, no.
01:07:23.000 You just let them tackle?
01:07:23.000 There's no win in that.
01:07:25.000 Yeah, you just gotta have backup.
01:07:26.000 You have a lot of people with you.
01:07:27.000 Yeah.
01:07:27.000 You'll have like eight guys standing behind you.
01:07:29.000 There's a new club in Boston that just opened up in the bottom of a hotel.
01:07:33.000 It's one of those cool places where the club's in the hotel.
01:07:36.000 Yeah, Joey did that.
01:07:37.000 He said that it's a very good club, but the sound system sucks.
01:07:40.000 Oh.
01:07:40.000 Oh, well, that's only the most important part.
01:07:43.000 Yeah, and they don't want to hear about it, apparently.
01:07:45.000 People keep telling them the sound system sucks, they don't do anything about it.
01:07:48.000 Well, they keep telling them through the sound system.
01:07:49.000 So I think Joey was like, fuck it, I'm done.
01:07:51.000 But Joey could do the Wilbur Theater now.
01:07:54.000 Joey's gigantic now.
01:07:55.000 Joey's the man.
01:07:56.000 Yeah, he's too funny.
01:07:57.000 It's all working out.
01:07:59.000 He likes doing comedy clubs.
01:08:00.000 We all like doing comedy clubs.
01:08:02.000 But if Joey wanted to, if they didn't want to fix the sound system, he could easily do that.
01:08:06.000 The Boston comedy scene used to have five clubs on one block, and now they're down to a theater.
01:08:13.000 And, you know, the outside rooms, like the Dick Daugherty rooms, he has a bunch of rooms, and I'm sure there's other people that book rooms that I don't know about, but the in-town clubs, it's like they're down, like, I think Nick's does it only on weekends, and then they have this new place.
01:08:27.000 That's it.
01:08:28.000 Like, the scene just, the floor fell out of it.
01:08:31.000 How long did you, you started in Boston, right?
01:08:33.000 Yeah.
01:08:34.000 And how many years were you there?
01:08:36.000 I was back and forth the third and fourth year, so I only really lived there.
01:08:43.000 For like two and a half years while I was doing comedy.
01:08:47.000 I mean, I lived there for longer.
01:08:49.000 I was born in New Jersey.
01:08:51.000 Lived in San Francisco until I was 11. New Jersey until 7. San Francisco, 7 to 11. Florida, 11 to 13. Boston, 13 to like 24-ish.
01:09:03.000 Right.
01:09:03.000 That's when I moved to New York.
01:09:05.000 But I was going back and forth.
01:09:06.000 Right.
01:09:07.000 The first...
01:09:08.000 The first year, I was doing a lot of gigs.
01:09:10.000 It was hard to get gigs in New York.
01:09:12.000 I was a new guy.
01:09:13.000 Yeah.
01:09:13.000 Road gigs, especially.
01:09:15.000 So I'd get road gigs in Connecticut.
01:09:16.000 I'd get some of them around Boston.
01:09:18.000 That was at least for the first six months or so.
01:09:21.000 Right.
01:09:22.000 But it's a fucking hard place now to make a living as a comedy.
01:09:30.000 I bet.
01:09:30.000 It's not the same thing anymore.
01:09:31.000 Yeah.
01:09:32.000 I've never played an actual club there.
01:09:35.000 To be honest with you, there's not that many there.
01:09:37.000 It used to be amazing.
01:09:39.000 I guess if I had realized how great it was at the time, or if I had realized how special it was, maybe I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much.
01:09:49.000 Maybe half of me enjoying it was just being in the moment and being able to look back on it and go, wow, how lucky did I get?
01:09:56.000 Because I could have easily been somewhere else.
01:09:58.000 I could have easily been in Miami.
01:10:01.000 I mean, as a kid, it wasn't my choice that we moved to Boston.
01:10:04.000 I didn't have a say in it.
01:10:05.000 And the time that I came on the scene in August of 1988, when I came on the scene, I was 21 years old, and the place was just flooded with comedians.
01:10:19.000 There was all these, like...
01:10:22.000 Big-name guys who were always in town.
01:10:25.000 There was always, like, Billy Crystal would be in town, and Robin Williams would stop in, and you'd see these guys you'd seen on HBO, like, Don Marrera was in town.
01:10:34.000 All these guys were in town.
01:10:35.000 And there was a constant tour of, like, top-level talent that would come through Boston.
01:10:40.000 Like, Hicks came through Boston.
01:10:42.000 Right.
01:10:42.000 Kinison would come through Boston, but he would do, like, theaters, like, down the Cape.
01:10:45.000 So we'd go to theaters, and Shit like that.
01:10:48.000 And we saw him in Mansfield, too.
01:10:49.000 But it was just an incredible time for comedy.
01:10:53.000 Like, the greatest time ever to start.
01:10:54.000 But I think now is getting pretty close to that.
01:10:57.000 I think now might be, out of all the years that I've been doing comedy, there's more strong comedians now than I think ever.
01:11:03.000 There's a lot.
01:11:04.000 Because everyone knows what everyone's up to on the internet, and everyone is swinging for the fences.
01:11:10.000 Everyone's really developed.
01:11:12.000 Yeah, and I think it's also easier for guys to get gigs.
01:11:17.000 People can find out that you're funny because of online.
01:11:21.000 You can get a podcast, develop a following, and then start doing well in clubs, and people will come out to see you.
01:11:30.000 Way easier than it would be to get a television show, which would give the same kind of following when you would go to clubs.
01:11:38.000 That's what you had to rely on 20 years ago.
01:11:40.000 Somebody had to pick you to do something.
01:11:42.000 Now all you have to do is release your CD online for free.
01:11:46.000 Let everybody hear it.
01:11:47.000 People download it and they laugh, and then they find out that you're going to be at a club next week.
01:11:50.000 They go, I'll go see that guy.
01:11:51.000 He's hilarious.
01:11:53.000 And then boom.
01:11:54.000 And then you put little videos go out, a little this, a little that, a podcast.
01:11:59.000 The Fultron show.
01:12:00.000 Everybody knows who the fuck you are, you know?
01:12:02.000 I love when that works out because it's such a shitty process, everyone going through two or three channels.
01:12:08.000 Well, think about all the guys that we know now.
01:12:11.000 Think about, like, Duncan, Segura, Ari, Diaz.
01:12:16.000 All those guys are going through non-traditional channels.
01:12:19.000 They are.
01:12:20.000 And I've known, you know, a lot of times it was like Hollywood wasn't picking up on some of those guys 100%.
01:12:27.000 And now they're, like, doing way better than a lot of guys that have TV spots.
01:12:31.000 Yeah, well, it's because they're nightclub comics.
01:12:33.000 Hollywood's looking for, like, even Ari and I had a conversation about that recently, about what it was like when he first started out, that he was always worried that he wasn't doing something that was going to get him on TV. It was like it was a prison.
01:12:45.000 You would worry about doing TV, make a TV set, I have to have a TV set, I have to be able to do censored material.
01:12:53.000 But he also knew that if he was uncensored and just himself and raw, he could say hilarious shit.
01:13:00.000 And he could kill.
01:13:01.000 He knew that he had that in him.
01:13:03.000 Yeah.
01:13:04.000 But it was like this struggle.
01:13:05.000 Like, how do you...
01:13:06.000 But how do you break through and make it?
01:13:08.000 And then...
01:13:09.000 As he was developing, right as he was developing, the whole internet thing came along.
01:13:13.000 Yeah, and he got into podcasts early, I think.
01:13:15.000 Real early.
01:13:16.000 Yeah, I mean, that certainly helped.
01:13:18.000 But it's also just the amount of material of his that's online now, whether it's stand-up or whether it's him talking about shit.
01:13:25.000 He's got so much material now, too.
01:13:27.000 Every time I see him, he's doing what we're talking about.
01:13:30.000 He's going up on stage and he's doing a different 15 on the first show.
01:13:34.000 I'm talking about New York spots.
01:13:36.000 He's got tons of material.
01:13:38.000 He's a hard worker, for sure.
01:13:40.000 Ari works hard.
01:13:41.000 He gets things done.
01:13:43.000 He's motivated.
01:13:45.000 And also, he's motivated because he's been...
01:13:48.000 He's been on the other side.
01:13:49.000 He's been the guy who tried to become a comedian and was, like, really struggling and hating it.
01:13:53.000 And now that he's making it, now that he's doing well and making money, he's really appreciating it.
01:13:58.000 Yeah.
01:13:59.000 You know, it's like...
01:13:59.000 I think what we're talking about, like, people that grow up in shitty weather, they're the ones who really appreciate LA. Yeah.
01:14:05.000 You know?
01:14:06.000 And I think that when you...
01:14:08.000 Struggle as a comic.
01:14:09.000 Everybody wants to get on American Idol or America's Got Talent like their first year and start touring the nation and selling out theaters.
01:14:17.000 Dude, I was doing comedy in a year and then I did Madison Square Garden.
01:14:21.000 It was amazing.
01:14:22.000 No, that's terrible.
01:14:23.000 That's a nightmare.
01:14:23.000 You're going to die up there.
01:14:25.000 Look, I've seen the bravest man ever and that's Charlie Murphy.
01:14:29.000 Charlie Murphy's the bravest man ever when it comes to stand-up comedy.
01:14:33.000 Because Charlie Murphy was in his 40s.
01:14:35.000 He had never done stand-up before, and he was on a hit television show.
01:14:39.000 And when he was on Chappelle's show, he was telling these great stories, and everybody was like, holy shit, I want to see that guy do comedy.
01:14:44.000 So they forced him into going and doing, like, he would host and do, like, do a little bit of time.
01:14:49.000 And then, you know, he would tell his stories, and people would laugh.
01:14:52.000 And then all of a sudden he realized he was a comedian.
01:14:54.000 Like, oh, okay, now I'm a stand-up comedian.
01:14:56.000 He's going on the road, and he's fucking hit.
01:14:58.000 Headlining.
01:14:58.000 Yeah, immediately.
01:15:00.000 Immediately.
01:15:00.000 45 minutes.
01:15:01.000 That is a long time.
01:15:04.000 Yeah.
01:15:05.000 That's so long.
01:15:07.000 It's so hard.
01:15:08.000 There's so many jumps you're going to have to make to get to the top.
01:15:13.000 You're like, there's people, there's a mountain, and most people are already like halfway up.
01:15:18.000 Right.
01:15:18.000 And you don't even have any clothes on.
01:15:20.000 Right.
01:15:20.000 And you're going to try to do it out in the open.
01:15:22.000 You're going to be exposed, and you're going to try to run up the mountain quick.
01:15:25.000 Oh.
01:15:26.000 You're trying to jump from base camp all the way to the top of the mountain.
01:15:29.000 Dude's still in there swinging.
01:15:31.000 Charlie Murphy's still in there swinging.
01:15:33.000 It's incredible.
01:15:34.000 He's the bravest man in stand-up comedy.
01:15:36.000 I don't know a lot of people who would have been able to do that.
01:15:40.000 I couldn't.
01:15:41.000 He's got balls.
01:15:42.000 And he's fucking a good dude too, man.
01:15:45.000 He's a very good dude.
01:15:46.000 Charlie Murphy's a good dude.
01:15:48.000 I really enjoy that guy.
01:15:50.000 I enjoy his company.
01:15:51.000 I enjoy being around him.
01:15:52.000 He's always a fun guy to be around.
01:15:54.000 He's a very friendly guy too.
01:15:56.000 If you get to know him, he's fucking hilarious.
01:15:59.000 I was with Maury Smith and Ivan Salivari, and Charlie Murph was telling us some old-school karate fight stories.
01:16:05.000 And we were dying laughing.
01:16:07.000 He was talking about hitting people with ridge hands.
01:16:10.000 It's a technique you don't see in MMA. The ridge hand.
01:16:13.000 The Chicago ridge hand.
01:16:14.000 I guess it's a Chicago ridge hand.
01:16:17.000 It's a type of karate chop that comes from a very specific angle.
01:16:20.000 But a lot of guys don't know about the Chicago ridge hand.
01:16:23.000 So the Murphy brothers were doing karate?
01:16:25.000 Charlie was.
01:16:26.000 Charlie Murphy has a black belt, I believe.
01:16:29.000 No kidding!
01:16:29.000 Yeah, he knows a lot about martial arts, I'll tell you that.
01:16:33.000 We had some conversations.
01:16:34.000 He knows a lot of shit.
01:16:35.000 He fought in a lot of tournaments and stuff.
01:16:37.000 He's kind of a badass dude now that I know that.
01:16:39.000 Yeah, Charlie Murphy's an interesting character.
01:16:42.000 He's a very complex guy.
01:16:43.000 He's got a lot going on in his head.
01:16:45.000 I mean, those guys who tell good stories, they're almost always very complex.
01:16:49.000 Right.
01:16:50.000 There's something about being that good socially, being that good of a storyteller, that captivating.
01:16:55.000 That usually comes from a strange place.
01:16:57.000 Right.
01:16:58.000 Yeah.
01:16:59.000 It comes from Rick James muddying up your couch.
01:17:03.000 Yeah.
01:17:04.000 Did that happen to him or Eddie?
01:17:05.000 That was to both of them.
01:17:07.000 Oh, really?
01:17:07.000 Yeah, they were both there.
01:17:09.000 That is just one of the best stories of all time.
01:17:12.000 I had Rick James on a show.
01:17:14.000 I was doing this show for VH1, I think it was.
01:17:16.000 It's called The List.
01:17:19.000 I think that was the name of it.
01:17:22.000 I had a bunch of people on that were really famous.
01:17:26.000 Meat Loaf was on one of my episodes, and Tom Sizemore was on one of my episodes.
01:17:33.000 Rob Halford was on one.
01:17:36.000 Tiffany from I Think We're Alone.
01:17:39.000 No shit!
01:17:39.000 Yeah, she was on one.
01:17:44.000 That's hilarious, now that I'm thinking about that.
01:17:48.000 What was it called?
01:17:49.000 It was called The List.
01:17:51.000 Wow, I totally forgot about that show.
01:17:53.000 And what happens on this show?
01:17:54.000 I don't remember.
01:17:57.000 Some non-memorable sort of trivia show.
01:18:02.000 I don't remember.
01:18:02.000 Tracy Lourdes was on one of them.
01:18:04.000 Nice.
01:18:05.000 Tracy Lourdes, post-porn career when she was a legit actress.
01:18:09.000 Right.
01:18:09.000 She'd become a legit actress.
01:18:11.000 But who was the original person we were talking about was on it?
01:18:13.000 Charlie Murphy.
01:18:14.000 Charlie Murphy.
01:18:14.000 No, no.
01:18:15.000 No, Rick James.
01:18:16.000 Rick James.
01:18:16.000 Rick James, that's what it was.
01:18:17.000 He was defending Michael Jackson.
01:18:19.000 It was like when one of the early Michael Jackson controversies Obviously before he died.
01:18:25.000 Yeah.
01:18:26.000 One of the earlier ones.
01:18:27.000 And Rick James was, you know, I've known Michael for 20 years.
01:18:32.000 I ain't never seen none of that.
01:18:34.000 And this other woman was upset because she was a mother and she was like, you know, like, as a mom, like, that really freaks me out.
01:18:41.000 And he's like sleeping with kids.
01:18:42.000 Oh, you ain't got to worry.
01:18:44.000 He ain't doing nothing.
01:18:46.000 I know Michael for 20 years.
01:18:48.000 And Rick James had something wrong with his voice.
01:18:50.000 Yeah.
01:18:51.000 While he was there, it was kind of fucked up.
01:18:52.000 Like something was wrong with his voice.
01:18:54.000 And like he had assistance with him.
01:18:55.000 And the assistance were, oh, he's just got, he's got a bit of a cold.
01:18:59.000 And all I could think is just see, I could see him hitting that crack pipe.
01:18:59.000 Yeah.
01:18:59.000 He's got a bit of a cold.
01:19:04.000 Just see him.
01:19:04.000 Cocaine.
01:19:05.000 Do-do-do-do.
01:19:06.000 Do-do-do.
01:19:09.000 Freebasing all night and stumbling into that studio.
01:19:11.000 He was a real rock star, man.
01:19:13.000 He had a bunch of people taking care of him while he was there.
01:19:16.000 A bunch of people cleaned him up, polished him off.
01:19:18.000 He had people that were moving him around, moving him forth.
01:19:22.000 And this was...
01:19:23.000 I want to say this was before all the Chappelle stuff.
01:19:27.000 This was Rick James before...
01:19:29.000 I'm Rick James, bitch!
01:19:32.000 Which really sort of revitalized him before his death.
01:19:34.000 That probably killed him.
01:19:36.000 Probably.
01:19:37.000 Yeah, it's probably Chappelle's, I'm Rick James, bitch!
01:19:39.000 Made him famous again.
01:19:40.000 To become actually Rick James, cocaine is a hell of a drug.
01:19:43.000 Yeah, it was a huge bump.
01:19:44.000 And then every time you're out, all of a sudden, it's like the 70s all over again, and you're Rick James again.
01:19:50.000 Yeah.
01:19:50.000 And the coke starts flowing.
01:19:52.000 Yeah, except you don't got a young man's heart anymore.
01:19:55.000 You got a 67-year-old heart, son.
01:19:57.000 He can't be smoking rocks with a 67-year-old heart.
01:20:01.000 No more cocaine.
01:20:02.000 No cocaine after 14. That's a good rule.
01:20:05.000 Or, you know, like I wrote this on Twitter the other day, that at a certain point in time, it becomes pathetic if you're drunk.
01:20:11.000 Right.
01:20:11.000 But if you hang in there around 70, it gets cool again.
01:20:14.000 Right?
01:20:15.000 It's like if you saw an old dude, and he's 70 years old, and he's drunk on his front lawn, and he's smoking a joint, he's got a bottle of whiskey in his hand, and you're like, what's up, man?
01:20:23.000 Yeah.
01:20:23.000 How you doing?
01:20:24.000 You want to give that guy a hug?
01:20:25.000 Yeah.
01:20:26.000 You know, but if he was 50, if he's 50 and he's publicly drunk, you're like, oh, listen, man, maybe you need to talk to your wife.
01:20:33.000 Sounds like you got a problem.
01:20:34.000 Yeah.
01:20:35.000 You know, you guys fight.
01:20:35.000 I'm sorry, man.
01:20:36.000 I gotta go.
01:20:37.000 I gotta go.
01:20:38.000 I'm a fucking bitch, man.
01:20:39.000 I'm gonna tell you what she said to me.
01:20:41.000 Tell you what she said to me.
01:20:42.000 I've been married for seven years, okay?
01:20:44.000 I'm gonna tell you what she said to me.
01:20:47.000 It's like, sir, I hate to kick you off your own lawn, but you gotta go inside.
01:20:50.000 Come on, bro.
01:20:51.000 You're 50 years old.
01:20:51.000 You shouldn't be drunk.
01:20:53.000 I like that.
01:20:54.000 It's kind of like a war veteran type vibe once you're past 70 and drinking and smoking.
01:21:00.000 Yeah, I'm never gonna tell a 70-year-old guy to put away the cigarettes.
01:21:03.000 He's earned it.
01:21:03.000 But he's over.
01:21:04.000 It's over anyway.
01:21:05.000 This guy's just the last few days of the movie.
01:21:08.000 Just light your cigarettes.
01:21:09.000 Do whatever you gotta do.
01:21:10.000 Do it.
01:21:11.000 Right?
01:21:12.000 I think you're absolutely right.
01:21:14.000 Brian's hanging in there.
01:21:15.000 He's like, if I could just hang in there to 70. 30 more years.
01:21:18.000 Just hang in there to 70. The people who really want to believe that cigarette smoking is okay, they go, well, I tell you, look, it all depends on the gene.
01:21:25.000 If you got that gene, you get the cancer.
01:21:27.000 But none of my family has cancer.
01:21:29.000 You know, knock on wood.
01:21:31.000 Yeah.
01:21:34.000 Absolvation.
01:21:35.000 Yeah, not that many people have those genes.
01:21:37.000 I don't know who does.
01:21:38.000 I think some people just survive somehow or another.
01:21:41.000 That is smoke in your lungs every day.
01:21:43.000 Yeah.
01:21:44.000 It's a weird one.
01:21:46.000 It's a weird one, man.
01:21:47.000 I saw this thing the other day where they were talking about the vape pens.
01:21:52.000 And they were like, these are clearly being marketed to children.
01:21:55.000 Look!
01:21:56.000 This has strawberry bubblegum flavor.
01:21:59.000 Clearly, this is marketed towards children.
01:22:01.000 And I was going, I was watching that going, what are you, what?
01:22:05.000 Who pays you?
01:22:06.000 Who pays you to say this?
01:22:08.000 Well, there's one way to look at it.
01:22:09.000 The one way to look at it is to say, well, maybe they really are concerned, but they're just dumb.
01:22:13.000 Right.
01:22:14.000 You know, and so this is being marketed towards children.
01:22:17.000 Or adults that like the taste of candy.
01:22:20.000 Is that even possible?
01:22:21.000 Candy with your tobacco?
01:22:23.000 I think it's pretty fucking possible, isn't it?
01:22:24.000 Absolutely.
01:22:25.000 So that's one, too.
01:22:26.000 Clearly being marketed towards children.
01:22:29.000 Can you imagine if you saw a kid with a vape pen?
01:22:32.000 And some strawberry bubblegum flavored tobacco.
01:22:35.000 There's not an adult in the world that would be like, oh, that's okay.
01:22:39.000 Strangers would, like, grab it out of his hand.
01:22:41.000 Well, apparently that is a thing with young kids, though.
01:22:44.000 Really?
01:22:44.000 They like the vapor pens?
01:22:45.000 Kids that are trying to quit smoking.
01:22:47.000 Kids that started smoking at age 15 and are fucked.
01:22:50.000 Right.
01:22:50.000 That happens, man.
01:22:51.000 No, absolutely it happens.
01:22:52.000 I know someone whose kid is addicted to smoking.
01:22:55.000 She's, like, 16 or 17 years old.
01:22:57.000 And they've tried to get her off.
01:22:58.000 They've done this thing.
01:23:00.000 They took her to a rehab.
01:23:02.000 He took her to hypnosis.
01:23:04.000 She can't get off.
01:23:05.000 Do you know if she started with regular cigarettes or electronic cigarettes?
01:23:09.000 She started with regular cigarettes.
01:23:11.000 My brother was always smoking cigarettes when he was a kid.
01:23:14.000 Like 11, 12. My sister started at 14. Did she still smoke?
01:23:18.000 No, she quit a while back, but she smoked for a long time.
01:23:23.000 She quit when she had kids.
01:23:24.000 When she was pregnant, she quit.
01:23:25.000 It's dangerous shit, man.
01:23:27.000 I mean, it's amazing that it would take you having a baby to quit, but...
01:23:31.000 My friend, his mom, he's got an older sister, and his mom quit smoking to have the older sister, and then just smoked through the pregnancy with him.
01:23:40.000 She was like, ah, fuck it.
01:23:41.000 Oh, my God.
01:23:43.000 Oh my god.
01:23:44.000 She smoked through her pregnancy?
01:23:45.000 She smoked through her pregnancy!
01:23:46.000 What an evil bitch.
01:23:47.000 Even though she knew how to quit.
01:23:49.000 Wow.
01:23:50.000 She's a nice lady.
01:23:51.000 I've met her.
01:23:51.000 That's an evil bitch, bro.
01:23:52.000 She might say she's a nice lady.
01:23:54.000 She cooked her kid.
01:23:55.000 Yeah.
01:23:55.000 She cooked that kid.
01:23:56.000 He's a good friend of mine.
01:23:58.000 I'm sure that's probably what's wrong with me.
01:23:59.000 My mom smoked while I was in the womb.
01:24:01.000 Yeah?
01:24:01.000 Yeah.
01:24:02.000 She did something wrong.
01:24:03.000 It's not good.
01:24:04.000 I remember my friend's mom smoked.
01:24:06.000 No one in my family smoked, but my friend's mom smoked, and she would drive us to the bowling alley or whatever, and And it was just smoke in the car.
01:24:13.000 I remember thinking as a kid, like, this is so gross.
01:24:16.000 I can't smell anything except for smoke.
01:24:19.000 So bad.
01:24:19.000 But it should just keep the windows rolled up.
01:24:21.000 Cold out.
01:24:22.000 Yeah.
01:24:22.000 Cold out.
01:24:23.000 And it's her car.
01:24:24.000 She's gonna smoke in her car.
01:24:25.000 With the heat on?
01:24:26.000 I'll fucking drive your kids around, but I'm not gonna keep the air clean.
01:24:32.000 Yeah, well, Greg Fitzsimmons has the best stories.
01:24:35.000 He lived in Boston, and his parents were chain smokers.
01:24:40.000 And so his mother and his father were both chain smokers.
01:24:43.000 And they were in this house, like, boxed in.
01:24:46.000 I think at the time, actually, he was in New York, I think he said.
01:24:48.000 He lived in New York for a while, too.
01:24:50.000 And he was just, no air, you know?
01:24:53.000 It's in the winter, so the entire house is filled, and he's got asthma all the time.
01:24:56.000 It's all fucked up.
01:24:58.000 Dad died young of a heart attack.
01:24:59.000 Dad didn't even make it to 60. Just fucking using that one to light another one.
01:25:05.000 Keep the party rolling.
01:25:09.000 Keith Richards.
01:25:12.000 He makes it happen.
01:25:13.000 I wonder what he smokes.
01:25:15.000 I wonder if he's smoking Obama.
01:25:17.000 Love that.
01:25:18.000 Look how much younger he looked then.
01:25:19.000 Isn't that crazy?
01:25:20.000 That was like a week ago.
01:25:24.000 That dude aged more than any other president.
01:25:27.000 He is stressed the fuck out.
01:25:29.000 I wonder what it is.
01:25:30.000 I've always wondered if it's stress or if it's a lack of sleep or if it's they showed them where the aliens live.
01:25:38.000 I hope it's the latter.
01:25:40.000 That would be the best one.
01:25:41.000 Or the third one.
01:25:41.000 He knows too much about the alien agenda.
01:25:44.000 That would keep you up at night.
01:25:46.000 Yeah.
01:25:47.000 That's why he plays along with the rules.
01:25:48.000 He's like, it doesn't matter if they rape the earth.
01:25:50.000 Do you want to fucking know what's behind the moon?
01:25:52.000 It's right there.
01:25:54.000 No, but in all seriousness, no one person should have a job that does that to them.
01:25:59.000 I know.
01:26:00.000 A job that ages everybody just in a crazy way.
01:26:05.000 That's a great lesson.
01:26:07.000 The president is a great lesson for people.
01:26:10.000 Yeah.
01:26:10.000 Like, don't...
01:26:12.000 Don't work that hard.
01:26:13.000 Right.
01:26:14.000 Look what happens to the president when he works that hard.
01:26:17.000 Like, you're gonna burn that thing out, man.
01:26:19.000 And everybody's going for a second term?
01:26:21.000 Like, everybody goes for it.
01:26:22.000 Does anybody quit?
01:26:24.000 No.
01:26:24.000 Does anybody ever get to four years and go, you know what, man, fuck this.
01:26:27.000 Not recently.
01:26:28.000 Not in the last 20 years.
01:26:29.000 Has it ever happened?
01:26:30.000 Let's find out.
01:26:31.000 I'm gonna say a president has never quit.
01:26:32.000 Okay.
01:26:33.000 I mean, Richard Nixon was impeached.
01:26:36.000 Right.
01:26:36.000 Right?
01:26:36.000 Has a president ever resigned?
01:26:39.000 What do you think, Brian?
01:26:40.000 No.
01:26:41.000 I think Teddy Roosevelt did.
01:26:43.000 Really?
01:26:44.000 Is it a physical issue?
01:26:46.000 No, I think he didn't want to hog it.
01:26:48.000 And then he was bummed that he did it.
01:26:50.000 Richard Nixon, that's it.
01:26:52.000 Richard Nixon resigned from office.
01:26:56.000 And all he did was spy on people.
01:26:58.000 Yeah, that's nothing.
01:27:00.000 Isn't that weird?
01:27:02.000 That's all he did.
01:27:03.000 I'm not a cracker.
01:27:04.000 And he did things that they were already doing.
01:27:06.000 Everybody was doing that.
01:27:07.000 They were all spying on each other.
01:27:08.000 Everybody spies on each other back then.
01:27:10.000 But the public wasn't ready for that shit, right?
01:27:12.000 No.
01:27:13.000 They were like, not my America!
01:27:15.000 Well, it's kind of interesting, but that's how a lot of weirdness went on with the CIA after the Nixon...
01:27:27.000 Yeah.
01:27:58.000 Uh-huh.
01:28:13.000 They knew because of the Freedom of Information Act that they had to give a response.
01:28:18.000 They had to answer.
01:28:19.000 So the response was, I can neither confirm nor deny.
01:28:22.000 Right.
01:28:23.000 And that's become something that people say constantly.
01:28:25.000 I can neither confirm nor deny that Mr. Sheen was in that whorehouse.
01:28:30.000 Right.
01:28:32.000 That Mr. Bryant was with this woman.
01:28:34.000 When they do stuff like that, it's called a Glomar response.
01:28:38.000 Okay.
01:28:38.000 And then it all came out of this because of the Nixon administration's fuck-ups.
01:28:42.000 Because everybody was like aghast at Watergate.
01:28:45.000 And they wanted to, like, he told us he didn't do anything.
01:28:47.000 He lied.
01:28:48.000 We're going to get those liars.
01:28:50.000 We're going to go after those liars.
01:28:52.000 And so that's where all that shit came from.
01:28:52.000 Right.
01:28:56.000 Until they got good at lying again.
01:28:58.000 Yeah.
01:28:59.000 Now they got it down.
01:29:00.000 Why?
01:29:01.000 I saw...
01:29:02.000 I don't know.
01:29:03.000 You've probably talked about JFK a lot on this podcast, right?
01:29:07.000 Oh, for sure.
01:29:07.000 Or not?
01:29:08.000 I just saw this recent thing on CNN, and it was all about, like, yeah, Oswald did it.
01:29:13.000 I mean, I always thought...
01:29:15.000 I always thought it was, like, this big conspiracy, and now we're back to Oswald did it?
01:29:20.000 The mainstream America version is that Oswald did it.
01:29:25.000 I mean, if you want to listen to...
01:29:28.000 Most of the mainstream experts, you know, quote-unquote, that are on television, they would say Oswald did it alone.
01:29:34.000 I don't think he did it alone.
01:29:36.000 I don't think it makes any sense.
01:29:38.000 But it's one of those things that you really don't know unless you were there.
01:29:42.000 And there's enough information back and forth on both sides where the whole thing gets incredibly sketchy.
01:29:47.000 Yeah.
01:29:48.000 I just saw those old...
01:29:49.000 I guess they're PBS documentaries from the 80s.
01:29:53.000 And those just seemed...
01:29:56.000 I don't know.
01:29:57.000 It just seemed like they had a lot of, not evidence exactly, but other people's perspectives, and we saw other people dressed as cops and stuff like that.
01:30:04.000 There might have been other people, but the problem is, one of the things that they say about any experience, when something goes down, like if there was a crazy explosion right across the street from us right now, and you and I just happen to be outside shooting the shit,
01:30:20.000 podcast is over, and the building across the street from us explodes.
01:30:24.000 We might have two completely different stories as to what went down.
01:30:28.000 And if you compare those stories, one of us might not have been paying attention.
01:30:32.000 One of us might have a problem with the truth.
01:30:35.000 One of us might want to exaggerate when a camera's there.
01:30:38.000 One of us might want to make it seem like he was a hero.
01:30:41.000 One of us might want to...
01:30:46.000 I saw a man run out of that car.
01:30:51.000 Eyewitness evidence, eyewitness accounts are terrible.
01:30:56.000 They're really unreliable.
01:30:59.000 You ever talk to someone that you know, and you guys went through some weird shit together, and you go back, and he gives you a version of it, and you compare it to your version, and you're like, one of us is fucking crazy.
01:31:08.000 Absolutely.
01:31:09.000 Because I don't remember any of the shit you're talking about.
01:31:12.000 Right.
01:31:12.000 Yeah, that happens.
01:31:14.000 Yeah.
01:31:14.000 So when you hear about, like, people who said they saw cops, and people who said that, you know, I witnessed the CIA give the thumbs up, and then the shooting started.
01:31:23.000 Right.
01:31:24.000 I was there.
01:31:25.000 Right.
01:31:26.000 Yeah, maybe you were, but maybe you're just making a bunch of shit up.
01:31:29.000 Right.
01:31:31.000 Memories are terrible, dude.
01:31:32.000 Absolutely.
01:31:33.000 They're awful.
01:31:34.000 But if you look at the evidence, tough to shoot someone three times that accurately from a window with a rifle that has a shitty scope, but it is possible.
01:31:34.000 I know.
01:31:44.000 Everybody says it's not possible.
01:31:45.000 It's possible.
01:31:46.000 The real problem is the impacts on the body.
01:31:49.000 The magic bullet theory that went through one body.
01:31:52.000 Well, it's not magic.
01:31:53.000 See, you're just confused about the perspective.
01:31:55.000 I've seen it all.
01:31:56.000 What's magic is the bullet hit bones, shattered bones, and came out looking like that.
01:32:01.000 That looks like a bullet that got shot into a swimming pool.
01:32:03.000 And anybody who tells you any differently is not being honest.
01:32:06.000 That seems weird.
01:32:08.000 Is it possible that the bone was shattered by that bullet and it came out looking like that?
01:32:13.000 It's very unlikely.
01:32:15.000 Very, very unlikely.
01:32:17.000 It might be possible.
01:32:18.000 I mean, in the freakiest of freaky circumstances.
01:32:21.000 But when bullets hit things, they fuck up.
01:32:24.000 They twist up.
01:32:25.000 They bend.
01:32:26.000 Right.
01:32:26.000 It's just what happens.
01:32:27.000 Right.
01:32:27.000 You know, there's stronger bullets than other ones, full metal jacketed bullets like that one, a little bit stronger.
01:32:33.000 But you're talking about like a bullet that left fragments in people's bodies, too.
01:32:37.000 It wasn't as simple as the bullet got through shattered bone cleanly and fell onto it.
01:32:42.000 No, it left little pieces of metal, pieces of metal that aren't actually missing from the bullet that they found.
01:32:47.000 Yeah.
01:32:48.000 You know, it's screwy.
01:32:50.000 Yeah.
01:32:51.000 Right.
01:33:04.000 It seems pretty likely that someone wanted to murder him.
01:33:07.000 And I don't think it's likely that Oswald wanted to do it.
01:33:10.000 You know, I think it's way more likely that some of these incredibly powerful groups that would profit off of him being dead would want him dead.
01:33:10.000 Right.
01:33:16.000 Right.
01:33:17.000 And I think back then in 1969, 1963 as it were, you weren't that accountable, man.
01:33:23.000 You can get away with shit.
01:33:24.000 Right.
01:33:25.000 But I also think that people like to tie up history with a nice neat little bow, you know.
01:33:30.000 You know what?
01:33:30.000 Forget all your conspiracy shenanigans.
01:33:33.000 Oswald acted alone.
01:33:36.000 It was a weird news program.
01:33:38.000 It was on CNN, and it was very much like, come on!
01:33:41.000 It was Oswald.
01:33:43.000 For like two hours straight.
01:33:45.000 I would like to see someone who knows a lot about the case debate them.
01:33:48.000 Not me, but someone who actually knows a lot about the case debate them.
01:33:52.000 You know, my take is that it's not an either-or.
01:33:55.000 You know, when everyone, Oswald did this, Oswald did that, Oswald did it.
01:34:00.000 Or Oswald was a part of it.
01:34:02.000 That's possible as well.
01:34:04.000 And that's one thing that people aren't considering.
01:34:06.000 The idea that Oswald got killed because he knew too much, he was going to expose it.
01:34:12.000 Well, it could have been that he got killed because, look, they arrested him.
01:34:15.000 If we kill him, then they're not even going to know about all the other shooters.
01:34:19.000 But if they hold that guy and start interrogating him and he starts telling about the entire plan...
01:34:25.000 And then someone gets in trouble.
01:34:26.000 They murder him in front of a bunch of cops.
01:34:26.000 So what do they do?
01:34:28.000 And they had a guy with mob ties do it.
01:34:28.000 Yeah.
01:34:31.000 Right.
01:34:32.000 The whole thing stinks.
01:34:32.000 Yeah.
01:34:32.000 Hilarious.
01:34:35.000 And anybody who pretends it doesn't stink, you're just trying to put a neat little bow on it.
01:34:39.000 And be the guy who's not...
01:34:39.000 Right.
01:34:41.000 You're a no-nonsense guy.
01:34:42.000 I know.
01:34:43.000 I'm a no-nonsense guy.
01:34:45.000 We both know.
01:34:45.000 Okay?
01:34:46.000 Come on.
01:34:47.000 Oswald acted alone.
01:34:48.000 Come on.
01:34:49.000 End of story.
01:34:50.000 Am I right?
01:34:50.000 Yeah.
01:34:51.000 Jesus.
01:34:52.000 It's fucking hippies.
01:34:53.000 They'll believe anything.
01:34:54.000 Right.
01:34:55.000 Lee Harvey Oswald.
01:34:57.000 Yeah.
01:34:58.000 I don't know, man.
01:34:59.000 I just know that that's a crazy thing that they can kill the president.
01:35:04.000 It is.
01:35:05.000 And if they did get away with it, if there is a group of people, whether it's the CIA or the FBI or the fucking mob or whoever it was...
01:35:13.000 If someone did get away with killing the president, that's incredible.
01:35:16.000 It's insane.
01:35:18.000 You know, look, people can't keep secrets.
01:35:23.000 That's proven fact.
01:35:25.000 There's no way.
01:35:26.000 That's the number one reason why you should think that it...
01:35:28.000 Because people can't keep secrets.
01:35:29.000 People have always kept secrets.
01:35:31.000 I think I'd be able to keep a secret that would put me in jail.
01:35:33.000 People are pretty good at keeping secrets.
01:35:35.000 Anybody who says that people are bad at keeping secrets just is not taking into account how many fucking secrets there really are.
01:35:42.000 Yeah.
01:35:42.000 That they don't know about.
01:35:43.000 What you're seeing is the shitty secrets.
01:35:45.000 You know?
01:35:46.000 When you see someone get busted for something, what you're seeing is a bunch of weak-jawed bitches.
01:35:53.000 Flapping off at the gums and ruining their perfect situation.
01:35:57.000 Yeah.
01:35:57.000 That's what you're saying.
01:35:58.000 But another group might be able to dress up like an owl god, sacrifice a hooker, light it on fire, go back to work in the morning, give each other their little owl sign as they fucking make their way to the bathroom passing.
01:36:09.000 And they might keep that the day they die.
01:36:12.000 It might be fun for them.
01:36:12.000 Yeah.
01:36:14.000 Like being a mason or something.
01:36:15.000 Yeah.
01:36:16.000 Fight club.
01:36:17.000 Yeah.
01:36:18.000 Jihadist.
01:36:20.000 That's definitely something.
01:36:21.000 Dude, it's a radical life.
01:36:22.000 You know?
01:36:23.000 Giving sacrifices, but you're doing it for Allah.
01:36:26.000 You're out there blowing up bitches.
01:36:28.000 Yeah.
01:36:28.000 Making it real.
01:36:29.000 Keeping chicks from driving.
01:36:29.000 Right.
01:36:32.000 Keeping chicks from being seen.
01:36:34.000 Yeah, cover up.
01:36:35.000 Cover up and no driving.
01:36:36.000 Done!
01:36:37.000 My religion says so.
01:36:39.000 My religion says so.
01:36:42.000 I sat next to two women on the...
01:36:44.000 I took a Greyhound bus for the first time over my Midwest tour.
01:36:47.000 Whoa, you're an animal.
01:36:47.000 Why'd you do that?
01:36:48.000 Because the budget was dwindling.
01:36:50.000 And I needed to get back to Cleveland.
01:36:51.000 That's real.
01:36:52.000 So I took the Greyhound.
01:36:54.000 And sitting next to me were two women in burkas.
01:36:57.000 Oh my goodness.
01:36:58.000 It was hot.
01:37:01.000 And it didn't smell good.
01:37:03.000 Oh, it was hot like out.
01:37:05.000 It wasn't hot like sexy.
01:37:06.000 It wasn't sexy.
01:37:07.000 It was BO-ish.
01:37:09.000 There's a little bit of sexiness to it.
01:37:11.000 There's something.
01:37:12.000 It's like, let's make a deal.
01:37:14.000 Like, what's going on under there?
01:37:15.000 It would be great.
01:37:18.000 It would be great if they were hot and they were just into doing it because they only wanted to show themselves with their man.
01:37:24.000 Yeah.
01:37:24.000 If it was their idea.
01:37:25.000 Yeah.
01:37:26.000 That'd be kind of cool, right?
01:37:27.000 That would be kind of wild.
01:37:27.000 That would be kind of wild.
01:37:28.000 If you dated a chick and she just started showing up, she showed up with a burka and she was hot as fuck, she wore a burka and you're like, why are you wearing a burka?
01:37:36.000 I just don't want anybody to see me but you.
01:37:37.000 Oh my god.
01:37:38.000 You'd be like, whoa.
01:37:40.000 That's crazy.
01:37:42.000 That's pretty hot.
01:37:43.000 That's an intense commitment.
01:37:44.000 But that's also a chick who will burn your fucking whole town down in hopes of killing you when you break up with her.
01:37:49.000 Sure!
01:37:50.000 She loves you.
01:37:52.000 She'll fucking set a gas leak in your entire town slowly in the middle of the night.
01:37:57.000 She'll plan it out in advance.
01:38:00.000 Yeah, that sounds like a crazy bitch, but whoever the guy was that first invented the burka, what a hater.
01:38:06.000 Steve Burka.
01:38:06.000 What a bitch.
01:38:07.000 That guy's a cock-bocker.
01:38:09.000 Yeah.
01:38:09.000 That guy's the worst pimp hand ever.
01:38:12.000 His pimp hand's so weak, he has to cover his chicks up.
01:38:14.000 Cover up!
01:38:16.000 There's so much of you looking out like this.
01:38:18.000 This is it.
01:38:19.000 Everything else, cloth.
01:38:20.000 It's so heartbreaking, man.
01:38:23.000 What's a big part of the world?
01:38:24.000 It's not like 20 people are doing it.
01:38:26.000 Right, and it's hard to get rid of the psychology.
01:38:28.000 Oh, it's impossible, right?
01:38:30.000 Yeah, man.
01:38:31.000 Does it bum you out?
01:38:32.000 You want to rescue those chicks?
01:38:33.000 It does bum me out, but I think they're past the point of being rescued.
01:38:36.000 You never know.
01:38:36.000 Do you?
01:38:37.000 Well, I don't want to put the effort in, but if I can do it like that...
01:38:42.000 I mean, it just bums me out.
01:38:44.000 If you could take them to the Amazon, show them the dragon, take them for a ride, and then immediately bring them back and sort of reinvigorate them back into society.
01:38:54.000 Yeah.
01:38:55.000 Yeah, I'd do it.
01:38:56.000 You would do it?
01:38:57.000 If it took like maybe a week or two.
01:38:58.000 I'm not going to dedicate my life to it.
01:38:59.000 You should offer that as a service.
01:39:01.000 The full charge.
01:39:01.000 I should.
01:39:02.000 That's what you call it.
01:39:03.000 I'm a comedian, podcaster, and burka liberator.
01:39:06.000 Yeah, burka liberator.
01:39:07.000 I like it, dude.
01:39:08.000 You just take these Arab chicks and just are not having a good go of it.
01:39:12.000 How's your passport, ladies?
01:39:13.000 How is it?
01:39:14.000 Is it fresh?
01:39:15.000 Is it ready for a Peru stamp?
01:39:16.000 Ka-chunk.
01:39:18.000 Now you're naked.
01:39:19.000 Yeah.
01:39:20.000 Next thing you know, you're partying with the full charge.
01:39:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:39:23.000 They probably never drank before, so they don't know what to do with that shit.
01:39:26.000 We travel by greyhounds.
01:39:29.000 Yeah, that would be rude to try to get someone drunk for the first time once you've liberated them from their burqa.
01:39:33.000 Yeah.
01:39:34.000 That's...
01:39:35.000 You don't have that kind of experience.
01:39:37.000 You can't just drink.
01:39:38.000 You can't just drink and party when you've been wearing a burqa your whole life.
01:39:41.000 No.
01:39:41.000 Reading off some ancient texts.
01:39:44.000 Can't do it.
01:39:45.000 How long has the burqa been around, if you had to guess?
01:39:47.000 If I had to guess, I would say it's been around for...
01:39:52.000 Fuck.
01:39:54.000 Over 2,000 years, but I really don't know.
01:39:57.000 Alright, we're gonna find out.
01:39:58.000 I'm going to say you're right.
01:39:58.000 I'm gonna say...
01:40:00.000 How's the burqa?
01:40:04.000 Before BC, my history in BC is very fuzzy.
01:40:08.000 Alright, here we go.
01:40:09.000 I'm an AD kind of guy.
01:40:12.000 Hmm.
01:40:13.000 The face-veiling portion is usually a rectangular piece of semi-transparent cloth with its top edge attached to a portion of the headscarf.
01:40:23.000 Okay, when did it come from?
01:40:24.000 Islamic text.
01:40:28.000 The Quran has no requirement that women cover their faces with a veil or cover their bodies with the full-body burqa.
01:40:36.000 That's the name of my burqa.
01:40:37.000 The full-body burqa.
01:40:38.000 Full-body burqa.
01:40:39.000 It's called a chador.
01:40:42.000 It's not in the Quran.
01:40:43.000 Many Muslims believe that the collected traditions of the life of Muhammad or Hadith require both men and women to dress and behave modestly in public.
01:40:54.000 However, this requirement has been interpreted in many different ways by Islamic scholars and Muslim communities.
01:41:00.000 Some interpretations say that a veil is not compulsory or that it's not compulsory in front of blind men, asexual men, or gay men.
01:41:10.000 But gay men aren't allowed either, are they?
01:41:12.000 I don't know.
01:41:13.000 Yeah, you're supposed to get rid of them, right?
01:41:15.000 They're supposed to hit them with rocks.
01:41:18.000 Very strange.
01:41:18.000 Say what you want about America.
01:41:20.000 Yeah.
01:41:21.000 Well, the real problem is what we were talking about before.
01:41:24.000 A lot of these areas, they've been living like this for a long time.
01:41:28.000 It's hard to get out of that.
01:41:30.000 It's hard to snap that, stop that culture dead in its tracks and try to figure out a better way to live your lives.
01:41:36.000 And to do it in a way that is completely alien to thousands and thousands of years of tradition.
01:41:41.000 Right.
01:41:41.000 That's the thing.
01:41:42.000 You've got to come up with these ideas by yourself and you've got to figure out how to get away from it when no one's there to help you, I assume.
01:41:49.000 Listen to this.
01:41:50.000 And say to the faithful woman to lower their gazes and guard their private parts and not to display their beauty except what is apparent of it and to extend their head coverings to cover their bosoms And not to display their beauty except to their husbands,
01:42:12.000 or their fathers, or their husbands' fathers, or their sons, or their husbands' sons, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right hands rule.
01:42:24.000 Or their tennis instructor.
01:42:26.000 That's slaves.
01:42:27.000 They're slaves.
01:42:29.000 Nice.
01:42:29.000 Or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire.
01:42:34.000 What?
01:42:36.000 The followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or small children, to whom the nakedness of women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet on the ground, so as to make known what they hide of their adornments.
01:42:51.000 Strike their feet on the ground so their tits jiggle.
01:42:54.000 They're saying, don't make your ass and tits jiggle.
01:42:56.000 Because chicks were twerking in the olden days.
01:42:59.000 This is an anti-twerking passage in the Quran.
01:43:02.000 That's where it all starts.
01:43:03.000 That's what they're saying.
01:43:04.000 That's where civilization...
01:43:05.000 Don't stomp your feet on the ground as to make known what they hide of their adornments.
01:43:11.000 Whoa.
01:43:13.000 Man, that's deep.
01:43:16.000 Yeah.
01:43:17.000 Yeah, it depresses me, man.
01:43:18.000 Does it?
01:43:19.000 Well, and didn't you just read that it's not really part of the Koran?
01:43:23.000 No.
01:43:24.000 No, it's not.
01:43:25.000 Well, some Muslim societies don't use it.
01:43:29.000 So, that happens all the time.
01:43:32.000 Like, religions will just adopt an idea...
01:43:35.000 Like, there's a lot of Christians that like going to war.
01:43:39.000 That type of thing.
01:43:40.000 Well, there's all sorts of weird interpretations of old languages, too.
01:43:44.000 That's where things get kind of squirrely.
01:43:46.000 When you're reading some shit that was something that's 2,000 years old or even more.
01:43:52.000 I mean, the context, like trying to put it in context, trying to figure out what life was like back then.
01:43:58.000 And why are they smarter than us?
01:44:00.000 Why are we looking to them?
01:44:02.000 I mean, I feel like we're smarter than them.
01:44:02.000 Yeah, why aren't you?
01:44:04.000 Yeah, duh.
01:44:06.000 That's just me thinking again.
01:44:06.000 Duh.
01:44:09.000 Yeah, but you know what it is, man?
01:44:10.000 We like old shit.
01:44:11.000 We do.
01:44:12.000 We love old shit.
01:44:13.000 Yeah.
01:44:14.000 We're doing this because our forefathers did this.
01:44:17.000 We love the ancient texts, the ancient wisdom, the ancient scholars.
01:44:22.000 They love that they can find something from the past that was, like, forgotten.
01:44:22.000 People love that.
01:44:26.000 The ancient scholars knew all about life, the origins of the universe.
01:44:31.000 Like, when we find, like...
01:44:33.000 Something on the wall of some sort of a temple in Iraq, you know, that's thousands of years old, and it's the solar system.
01:44:40.000 People freak out.
01:44:40.000 This is amazing.
01:44:42.000 Look at the knowledge they had.
01:44:43.000 Like, my six-year-old draws solar systems that good.
01:44:49.000 I'm not joking.
01:44:50.000 She drew the sun.
01:44:53.000 She drew Jupiter and Earth.
01:44:54.000 She copied it off of a book.
01:44:56.000 But my point is, that's a shitty solar system that was 6,000 years ago.
01:45:02.000 Of course our solar system is better.
01:45:03.000 Have you ever watched Cosmos, you fuck?
01:45:06.000 Our version of the solar system is way better than that old dumb shit.
01:45:12.000 Yeah, it's impressive that they did this.
01:45:14.000 Absolutely.
01:45:15.000 Yes, it's fascinating.
01:45:17.000 Yes, it's historically enriching that we could look at this stuff.
01:45:21.000 I mean, it's a trip.
01:45:22.000 Have you ever been to the Natural History Museum and checked out some ancient Egyptian artifacts?
01:45:27.000 Yeah, dude.
01:45:27.000 It's dope.
01:45:28.000 It's fascinating and fantastic.
01:45:30.000 King Tut, baby.
01:45:31.000 Fuck yeah, it's fascinating.
01:45:33.000 You get to look at something that was made thousands of years ago.
01:45:37.000 People that just lived a completely different way than you.
01:45:39.000 It's humbling.
01:45:40.000 And Fonzie's jacket.
01:45:41.000 Yeah.
01:45:42.000 Fonzie's jacket?
01:45:42.000 No, that's all at the DC, all the DC museums.
01:45:45.000 They really have Fonzie's jackets?
01:45:46.000 Oh, they got Fonzie's jacket!
01:45:47.000 It's incredibly small.
01:45:47.000 They got the puffy shirt.
01:45:49.000 Fonzie's jacket's tiny.
01:45:51.000 Yeah.
01:45:52.000 How tall is Henry Winkler?
01:45:54.000 I don't know.
01:45:55.000 I had a picture with him.
01:45:56.000 I took a picture with him.
01:45:57.000 He's a great guy.
01:45:58.000 He was on that show, one of the movies that I did, with Kevin James.
01:46:01.000 Here Comes the Boom.
01:46:02.000 He was the teacher.
01:46:04.000 Yeah.
01:46:04.000 He's a great guy.
01:46:05.000 He's so nice.
01:46:06.000 Yeah, seems like it.
01:46:07.000 Henry Winker's one of the nicest people I've ever met.
01:46:09.000 He's just genuinely, openly nice and friendly, and he loves to fly fish.
01:46:16.000 He loves to go out and fly fish on rivers and stuff.
01:46:19.000 And he wrote a book about it called, I've Never Met an Idiot on the River.
01:46:22.000 Yeah.
01:46:25.000 Probably got really lucky.
01:46:26.000 Yeah.
01:46:27.000 If that's the case.
01:46:28.000 There's a lot of fucking idiots on the river.
01:46:30.000 Yeah, no.
01:46:31.000 That's true.
01:46:32.000 How often do you do those tours where you go out for like three weeks like that?
01:46:36.000 Not often.
01:46:37.000 Not often.
01:46:38.000 I've been doing them recently because I've been opening for Kreischer, doing split weeks, and I kind of got to like do a tour to make them work, you know?
01:46:47.000 Yeah.
01:46:48.000 And then I try to hit stuff in between, and then I'll throw in a headlining thing.
01:46:53.000 It just doesn't make a lot of sense to come all the way back to L.A., but I'm kind of over that, because it's just not that much fun, and it wears you down.
01:47:00.000 I mean, the Kreischer parts are fun.
01:47:01.000 The Kreischer parts are great when you go on the road with your buddies, but yeah, three weeks is hard as fuck.
01:47:06.000 Right.
01:47:06.000 When I'm just chilling in Valley Park, Missouri, and 15 people are showing up a night, it's like...
01:47:12.000 Is that what it was?
01:47:13.000 Where were you at?
01:47:13.000 It was like doing the comedy store in Missouri.
01:47:16.000 Saturday night was good, but...
01:47:18.000 So two shows were great, and then the other four were just like that comedy store original room style of comedy.
01:47:25.000 Did you do like Thursday through Sunday?
01:47:27.000 Is that what you did?
01:47:28.000 Thursday through Sunday.
01:47:31.000 It's so funny, too, because I only have a couple fans, so actual fans will come up to see me do shows in front of 15 people.
01:47:38.000 Whoa.
01:47:39.000 That's got to be weird.
01:47:39.000 You know?
01:47:41.000 It is weird.
01:47:41.000 For them, it's got to be cool as fuck, though.
01:47:44.000 They're a little concerned.
01:47:45.000 They shouldn't.
01:47:46.000 They should look at it this way.
01:47:48.000 You're funny, you're talented, and it's just a matter of people knowing about you.
01:47:52.000 Right.
01:47:53.000 So they get in on the ground floor, they get mad street cred.
01:47:56.000 Right.
01:47:57.000 They were there.
01:47:58.000 Oh, dude.
01:47:58.000 They were there.
01:47:59.000 I saw Richard Jenney perform in front of a very small crowd, a Catch Rising star on a Wednesday night one night in Boston.
01:48:04.000 I'll never forget that.
01:48:06.000 It was a half-fold audience.
01:48:09.000 Nobody knew who he was back then.
01:48:11.000 But I was like, wow, this is amazing.
01:48:14.000 So they got to see you when you were eating shit.
01:48:16.000 And I'm half-joking.
01:48:18.000 The shows were actually all really fun.
01:48:21.000 They were just like, before the show started, it's like...
01:48:25.000 15 people.
01:48:26.000 And that was the whole audience, 15 people.
01:48:26.000 Here we go.
01:48:28.000 Some nights.
01:48:30.000 Yeah.
01:48:30.000 It could get up to 20, and I think the good nights...
01:48:32.000 It could get up to 20. There was two good shows with about 50, 60 people, and those were like a lot of fun, especially compared to the smaller shows.
01:48:41.000 But it was never horrible because they did laugh.
01:48:45.000 You know what I mean?
01:48:46.000 But you're funny and that's the hardest thing to do.
01:48:49.000 So all that matters from here on out is you just keep doing it.
01:48:52.000 Right.
01:48:52.000 You just keep doing it.
01:48:53.000 They'll be able to laugh one day.
01:48:54.000 Sure.
01:48:55.000 They'll be able to say, I saw you in front of 15 people.
01:48:57.000 Right.
01:48:57.000 In Nebraska.
01:48:58.000 Yeah.
01:48:58.000 And you'd be like, I remember that.
01:49:01.000 This club was kind of ghetto.
01:49:03.000 After my first show on Thursday, two people walked into the back alley and started screwing up against a dumpster.
01:49:09.000 That sounds like a great place.
01:49:11.000 Yeah.
01:49:12.000 That's how you do it.
01:49:13.000 Yeah.
01:49:13.000 But, I mean, it only goes to show you how inspiring I am as a comic.
01:49:17.000 You know what I mean?
01:49:18.000 You make people fuck.
01:49:19.000 Yeah.
01:49:19.000 It's true.
01:49:20.000 Make people horny.
01:49:21.000 A lot of people kill boners with their comedy.
01:49:23.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:49:24.000 Not me.
01:49:24.000 You excited them.
01:49:25.000 I make it sexy.
01:49:26.000 Where was this?
01:49:27.000 Valley Park, Missouri.
01:49:27.000 What club?
01:49:29.000 Funny Bone.
01:49:30.000 It's only been open since like October.
01:49:33.000 Is there a chain of Funny Bones or do they buy the name?
01:49:37.000 How does that work?
01:49:37.000 Because they seem to be independent.
01:49:38.000 I don't fully understand it.
01:49:40.000 There's people that own...
01:49:43.000 There's one guy that owns a bunch, and then I think it's like a franchise you can kind of buy in or something.
01:49:48.000 Like, what about the Funny Bone of Columbus?
01:49:49.000 That's a guy named Dave Stroop owns a lot of those.
01:49:52.000 Oh, he owns more than one of those?
01:49:54.000 Yeah.
01:49:54.000 He's a good dude.
01:49:55.000 Yeah, absolutely.
01:49:56.000 Worked for that guy many times.
01:49:58.000 Yeah.
01:49:58.000 That club's great.
01:50:00.000 Columbus?
01:50:00.000 Yeah.
01:50:01.000 That place is great.
01:50:01.000 I heard they just remodeled it also.
01:50:03.000 Oh, why would they do that?
01:50:04.000 It was perfect.
01:50:05.000 I think they did something like they just made it bigger.
01:50:07.000 That was always kind of weird.
01:50:09.000 They never really had a green room.
01:50:10.000 That's bad.
01:50:11.000 Yeah.
01:50:12.000 That's weird.
01:50:13.000 You have to go to Dave's office and hang out, but whatever.
01:50:16.000 You're in Columbus, Ohio.
01:50:17.000 You can't get all highfalutin'.
01:50:19.000 Yeah.
01:50:20.000 You got to deal with what you got to deal with.
01:50:22.000 But I'm doing Austin.
01:50:25.000 Coming up soon.
01:50:26.000 I'm doing Cap City.
01:50:27.000 Yeah.
01:50:27.000 Because I'm getting ready to do my comedy special, so I'm doing a week at the club.
01:50:30.000 They painted over all the writing in the green room.
01:50:34.000 What's wrong with them?
01:50:35.000 So dumb.
01:50:35.000 That was history.
01:50:36.000 You think the full charge wasn't fucking written up there?
01:50:38.000 Because it was.
01:50:39.000 I'm sure it was.
01:50:40.000 It's under some paint now.
01:50:41.000 Yeah, that was history.
01:50:42.000 That wall was covered in history, and they decided to make it pretty.
01:50:45.000 Whoever did it was just a boner killer.
01:50:48.000 I don't know who did that.
01:50:49.000 Whoever you are out there, you know who you are.
01:50:51.000 Yeah.
01:50:52.000 Whoever gave it the green light, whosever idea it was, ugh.
01:50:57.000 Atlanta Punchline still got it.
01:50:59.000 My favorite one, I think we talked about this, my favorite thing was right in front of the toilet.
01:51:03.000 It said, keep the toilet seat up so maybe it will make women not want to do comedy or something like that.
01:51:10.000 Jesus Christ.
01:51:11.000 Keep women out of comedy.
01:51:13.000 Oh my God.
01:51:15.000 The best is the Atlanta Punchline.
01:51:17.000 That back room still has writing everywhere.
01:51:19.000 I haven't been there.
01:51:20.000 I'm going there in August.
01:51:21.000 You never did it?
01:51:21.000 I'm going there in August, I think.
01:51:22.000 You've never done it?
01:51:23.000 Never done it.
01:51:24.000 Ooh, it's a classic.
01:51:25.000 It's one of the best clubs.
01:51:26.000 Awesome.
01:51:27.000 It's a real legit awesome club.
01:51:29.000 Old school as fuck.
01:51:30.000 You look on the wall, you see an old Barry Sobel picture.
01:51:34.000 Right.
01:51:34.000 One of those.
01:51:35.000 Love that shit.
01:51:36.000 Kenny Rogerson photo up.
01:51:37.000 Yeah, like Zany's in Nashville will not take down the old headshots.
01:51:41.000 No.
01:51:41.000 And they shouldn't.
01:51:42.000 Zany's in Nashville is another one.
01:51:42.000 They shouldn't.
01:51:44.000 It's another classic spot.
01:51:45.000 But on the back room of the Atlanta punchline, it says, quit trying to be Hicks.
01:51:50.000 That was so appropriate, too, at the time.
01:51:53.000 In the 90s.
01:51:53.000 Yeah.
01:51:54.000 Yeah.
01:51:54.000 Oh, dude.
01:51:55.000 Everyone I knew...
01:51:57.000 Tried to be Hicks.
01:51:58.000 We all got caught up in it.
01:52:00.000 I went to two open mics and somebody actually handed me a tape with Bill Hicks on it.
01:52:06.000 It was Woody Allen and Bill Hicks.
01:52:09.000 One side was Bill Hicks, one side was Woody Allen.
01:52:11.000 What did you like better?
01:52:13.000 I definitely like Bill Hicks better.
01:52:15.000 I listened to this thing at the time.
01:52:17.000 I probably still do.
01:52:18.000 I'm not sure.
01:52:20.000 Do you take off any points because Woody Allen's a perv?
01:52:24.000 No, not for that.
01:52:25.000 I assume he wasn't that much of a perv back then.
01:52:28.000 That does actually bother me.
01:52:30.000 Not as much as a woman in a burka.
01:52:32.000 It does bother me, but I still kind of like to watch his movies.
01:52:35.000 Right.
01:52:36.000 He's a good movie maker.
01:52:37.000 Yeah, so I guess.
01:52:39.000 But I think that's kind of fucked up.
01:52:41.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:52:42.000 Well, there's a picture of him at the basketball game when his daughter was young and she's sitting on his lap and she's really little.
01:52:49.000 And then there's a picture of him at the basketball game many years later and they're holding hands as a couple.
01:52:54.000 Yeah, it's so weird.
01:52:56.000 It's just, whoa.
01:52:57.000 I don't think that's okay at all.
01:52:59.000 I really don't.
01:52:59.000 That's deep.
01:53:00.000 That is a completely different kind of experience.
01:53:03.000 That's deep.
01:53:04.000 You were there when that thing, that person, was a baby.
01:53:09.000 A little small child.
01:53:11.000 I don't know.
01:53:12.000 You don't know.
01:53:13.000 I don't know either.
01:53:13.000 I don't know.
01:53:15.000 I choose not to speculate.
01:53:16.000 I watched a...
01:53:18.000 I'm not callous about it.
01:53:20.000 Obviously, I denounce it.
01:53:21.000 I'll say that.
01:53:22.000 It's gross.
01:53:23.000 I don't know any of the particulars.
01:53:25.000 I barely paid attention to that whole case.
01:53:28.000 I just don't like to...
01:53:29.000 Whenever I see...
01:53:31.000 People in those sort of terrifying situations, the man, the woman splitting up, the man going after the girl's daughter, and they're together now, and I'm like, oh, I don't want to feel any of your fucking crazy pain.
01:53:44.000 But I was listening to a thing the other day.
01:53:47.000 I didn't know it was an interview.
01:53:48.000 I thought it was Woody Allen's comedy, and I downloaded it.
01:53:51.000 And it was Woody Allen talking about stand-up.
01:53:56.000 And it was him talking about all of the different kinds of joke writers and different...
01:54:04.000 And this is a long-ass fucking time ago.
01:54:06.000 And it was really kind of interesting, man.
01:54:09.000 It was really interesting to listen to him from like, gosh, I don't know.
01:54:13.000 I mean, if I had a guess, I'd say it was probably like the 1950s or something like that.
01:54:16.000 And he's talking about comedy.
01:54:18.000 If I had a guess by the references that he was using, maybe the 60s.
01:54:22.000 But he's talking about stand-up and he's talking about different...
01:54:25.000 And a lot of the shit that he was saying back then still holds true today.
01:54:29.000 Yeah.
01:54:31.000 Yeah, I think he was part of that kind of hipster, original, alt-room...
01:54:37.000 Comedy, like they just used to do it at makeshift places in the village and not necessarily clubs or comedy clubs or strip clubs or however, whatever was traditional back then.
01:54:45.000 Yeah, isn't that wild?
01:54:47.000 Like they would do it, they would do it in like, they would open for people too, like for bands and stuff like that.
01:54:47.000 Yeah.
01:54:52.000 Yeah.
01:54:52.000 They would do stand-up.
01:54:53.000 Yeah, and they'd just do it in coffee shops and stuff.
01:54:56.000 It's really weird because the stand-up comedy that we know today really started in the 70s, right?
01:55:01.000 Yeah.
01:55:03.000 Maybe the 60s?
01:55:05.000 The 60s?
01:55:06.000 Well, it was Lenny Bruce, really.
01:55:07.000 Right.
01:55:08.000 That's the number one.
01:55:09.000 That's the first seed, I think.
01:55:11.000 There was a bunch of other guys like that there that was sort of in that vein at the time.
01:55:16.000 They were coming along with him back and forth, but he was the original.
01:55:19.000 Yeah.
01:55:20.000 And there's even old Rodney Dangerfield where he tries to do a Lenny Bruce style where it's a big long story.
01:55:29.000 You know how Rodney Dangerfield's known for one-liners?
01:55:32.000 Yeah.
01:55:33.000 He used to do these really long-form jokes about getting his car fixed and riding in an airplane.
01:55:38.000 Yeah.
01:55:40.000 Woody Allen on Comedy is the name of it.
01:55:44.000 It's available on Amazon if anybody wants to get it.
01:55:46.000 It's just ten different things.
01:55:49.000 Ten different short little clips that they have broken up into segments on different topics.
01:55:56.000 Really interesting.
01:55:57.000 Really interesting.
01:55:58.000 I've always been fascinated by the writing style.
01:56:02.000 Everybody's got their own sort of style.
01:56:04.000 And I'm also fascinated by how few people actually write.
01:56:07.000 Right.
01:56:08.000 When you find out that there's a lot of comics that don't actually sit down and write, like, whoa.
01:56:12.000 You can't fake it for an hour, buddy.
01:56:14.000 Yeah.
01:56:16.000 You can't just sit down with some coffee and scribble.
01:56:18.000 Lazy bitch.
01:56:19.000 I know.
01:56:20.000 You have the opportunity to be a professional comedian.
01:56:23.000 You've actually figured out a way to make it through that, and you're not even writing anything down.
01:56:27.000 It's crazy.
01:56:29.000 Because even if you write all the time and you record a lot of your thoughts and stuff, there's still so few, so little amount of material that makes it to the stage.
01:56:37.000 So, like, if you're doing nothing, then nothing's happening.
01:56:37.000 Yeah.
01:56:40.000 Well, that's those guys that you run into ten years later and they're doing the same act and you're like, oh, you poor bastard.
01:56:45.000 Right.
01:56:46.000 You poor bastard.
01:56:47.000 It's not even changed like not even two minutes of it is different.
01:56:50.000 Well, it's like comedy is so scary sometimes that sometimes you just get a little life raft of an act and you just want to sit on it and just wait.
01:56:58.000 Because that new joke, it's a painful thing, dude.
01:57:01.000 It's a painful thing.
01:57:03.000 That's why it's an awesome growth process to do it the way Ari does it or Burr does it or Louis C.K. does it to do it that way.
01:57:10.000 Abandon ship.
01:57:13.000 Imagine if bands had to do that.
01:57:14.000 Every year they abandon ship.
01:57:16.000 Yeah, no, they'd be in trouble because they gotta play the hits.
01:57:19.000 That's for sure.
01:57:20.000 That's the difference between comedy and music.
01:57:22.000 The only one who got to play the hits in comedy was Dice.
01:57:22.000 Yeah.
01:57:25.000 Yeah.
01:57:25.000 I heard Rodney got to play the hits.
01:57:27.000 Yeah?
01:57:28.000 That's what I heard.
01:57:28.000 I bet.
01:57:29.000 I forget where I heard that, but I believe it.
01:57:30.000 Those are different times, though.
01:57:31.000 That was a different era, you know?
01:57:33.000 You ever see Rodney live?
01:57:35.000 Never!
01:57:35.000 He's one of my favorites.
01:57:37.000 I got to see him a few times.
01:57:38.000 I got to see him late in life, too.
01:57:40.000 I got to see him at the Laugh Factory, like, real late.
01:57:42.000 Yeah, he was, like, in his 60s, hanging out with some 40-year-old chick.
01:57:42.000 Yeah.
01:57:46.000 Yeah.
01:57:47.000 They were still partying.
01:57:48.000 That's so funny.
01:57:48.000 Right?
01:57:49.000 Took him back to my place, you know what I'm saying?
01:57:50.000 Oh.
01:57:52.000 I always think it's really funny that when I was a kid in the 80s...
01:57:55.000 I wasn't heavily into Rodney Dangerfield, but I'd go see his movies.
01:57:58.000 Yeah.
01:57:59.000 Which is weird.
01:57:59.000 Like, what 11-year-olds are going to see movies about 60-year-olds now and laughing?
01:58:04.000 That's really weird.
01:58:05.000 It's so true.
01:58:06.000 That's a great way of putting it.
01:58:07.000 You know?
01:58:08.000 But he was also someone that everybody loved.
01:58:10.000 Yeah.
01:58:11.000 Like, you didn't think of Rodney as, like, an old guy.
01:58:13.000 Definitely not.
01:58:14.000 Yeah.
01:58:15.000 You would think of other old guys as, like, old guys.
01:58:17.000 He's like the coolest guy in Back to School.
01:58:20.000 He's the coolest guy in the movie, and he's the oldest guy in the movie.
01:58:20.000 Yeah.
01:58:23.000 Yeah.
01:58:23.000 Yeah.
01:58:24.000 Yeah.
01:58:25.000 Who was his romantic interest?
01:58:27.000 That's that woman that does like the teacher, professor?
01:58:30.000 Hidden Valley commercials.
01:58:31.000 Yeah, that's right.
01:58:32.000 Yeah.
01:58:33.000 She was a professor.
01:58:34.000 She was in Meatballs 3. How old was she at the time?
01:58:40.000 Dangerfield was like 60, if you had to guess.
01:58:42.000 She must have been somewhere around 50. Yeah.
01:58:46.000 Maybe a little younger.
01:58:47.000 Really?
01:58:48.000 I don't know.
01:58:49.000 I have a hard time with that because I found her very attractive.
01:58:52.000 How attractive?
01:58:53.000 Like you would bust a move?
01:58:55.000 Yeah, I think I would.
01:58:57.000 Really?
01:58:57.000 I think I would.
01:58:58.000 What's your age limit you would cut a chick off at?
01:59:01.000 I think around 55. Whoa, you're a generous man.
01:59:07.000 I mean, it all depends.
01:59:08.000 It all depends, right?
01:59:09.000 It depends on if she goes to yoga...
01:59:11.000 There's some good-looking 55 out there.
01:59:13.000 There are now.
01:59:14.000 Yeah.
01:59:15.000 It's getting scientific.
01:59:15.000 There are now.
01:59:16.000 Have you seen Christy Brinkley?
01:59:18.000 Yes, and that's exactly the type of thing I'm talking about.
01:59:20.000 How old is Christy Brinkley now?
01:59:22.000 She's up there.
01:59:23.000 Have you seen Helen Hunt lately?
01:59:23.000 She's hot as fuck.
01:59:25.000 No, I don't need to do that.
01:59:26.000 There's this movie called The Session.
01:59:27.000 What are you trying to kill my boner?
01:59:28.000 We're talking about Christy Brinkley.
01:59:29.000 We were going...
01:59:30.000 Bringing up Helen Hunt.
01:59:32.000 You're going the wrong way.
01:59:33.000 I know, but you've got to hear this.
01:59:34.000 Let's pull up a picture of Christy Blankie to cleanse my palate.
01:59:37.000 Let's take this conversation slow.
01:59:39.000 This is getting exciting.
01:59:40.000 There was this movie called The Session, and if you just look up the preview of it, it's about this guy that has an iron lung, and he's very like Stephen Hawking in the movie, just laying there going, oh, and stuff.
01:59:54.000 And so Helen Hunt's like his therapist or something, and he goes, she's like, oh, you need to get laid.
01:59:59.000 So she starts taking off her clothes, and you see her full bush, her body.
02:00:03.000 Wait, wait, wait.
02:00:03.000 What movie is this?
02:00:04.000 It's called The Session.
02:00:05.000 Is this an old movie?
02:00:06.000 No, this came out like two years ago, and it's just Helen Hunt fucking this retarded guy, not retarded, this iron lung guy.
02:00:12.000 And it's just creepy as fuck.
02:00:14.000 It's just a creepy version of Helen Hunt.
02:00:17.000 Her face looks weird.
02:00:18.000 And you just see her bush and she's having sex through the whole movie.
02:00:21.000 Pull up that picture.
02:00:22.000 Sounds pretty good.
02:00:23.000 Christy Brinkley, bitch.
02:00:26.000 Disgusting me.
02:00:28.000 Yeah, that's current.
02:00:29.000 Okay, and she's gotta be how old?
02:00:31.000 She's old.
02:00:32.000 Look at her throat, though.
02:00:33.000 Whatever, dude.
02:00:34.000 A little tuck.
02:00:36.000 Make her wear a scarf.
02:00:38.000 Get her into horse riding.
02:00:40.000 I would make her drive in a convertible and chase me around while I drove in a station wagon.
02:00:44.000 Uptown girl.
02:00:45.000 Well, if you compare the way she looks today and the way she looked when she was with Billy Joel, not that difference.
02:00:51.000 Compare the way Billy Joel looks today and the way Billy Joel looked when he was with Christy Brinkley, I think she's a vampire.
02:00:57.000 I think she stole his soul.
02:00:59.000 Do you think this threatening is caused by cock?
02:01:01.000 Just tons of cock in her mouth for years?
02:01:03.000 No, it's age, bro.
02:01:03.000 Your skin gets bad.
02:01:05.000 She's 60 years old.
02:01:06.000 Most likely, Brian.
02:01:07.000 Most likely.
02:01:07.000 She's 60 years old.
02:01:10.000 You don't respond to them that dumb.
02:01:14.000 It's amazing.
02:01:15.000 She looks fantastic.
02:01:16.000 Absolutely.
02:01:17.000 That's as good as a 60-year-old woman has ever looked in the history of the world.
02:01:20.000 Yeah, and that's what I mean.
02:01:21.000 We're talking about exceptions when I say 55. Yeah, you're not looking at her and going, oh, she looks good for 60. You're looking at her and going, damn, she looks really good.
02:01:28.000 She's hot, man.
02:01:29.000 Yeah.
02:01:30.000 She's hot.
02:01:31.000 And her body's really nice, too.
02:01:33.000 Yeah.
02:01:35.000 Christy Fulcheron.
02:01:36.000 Kapow, kapow.
02:01:37.000 I'll take it, son.
02:01:38.000 I'll take it all day long.
02:01:39.000 Yeah, you make out with her.
02:01:40.000 I'll take that throat gutter.
02:01:42.000 It's not that bad, dude.
02:01:43.000 Her throat doesn't look bad.
02:01:44.000 You're focusing on the wrong thing.
02:01:46.000 Yeah, what do you...
02:01:47.000 You got a mirror, bitch?
02:01:48.000 You're gonna be very unhappy.
02:01:49.000 You should go focus on that.
02:01:50.000 I don't know.
02:01:50.000 That throat gutter's weird.
02:01:52.000 Yeah, it ain't that bad, dude.
02:01:53.000 Come on.
02:01:54.000 She's hot as fuck.
02:01:55.000 You're out of your mind.
02:01:55.000 You're looking at her neck.
02:01:56.000 You're looking at a still image.
02:01:58.000 Who cares about that thing?
02:02:00.000 You're so dumb.
02:02:02.000 You're out of your mind.
02:02:02.000 She needs to shave her neck a little.
02:02:05.000 Brian, that's nothing.
02:02:06.000 You're saying nothing.
02:02:07.000 You're making noise with your face.
02:02:08.000 You're really frustrating me right now, Brian.
02:02:10.000 Yeah.
02:02:10.000 There's nothing going on with what you're saying.
02:02:12.000 You're just fixating on necks.
02:02:14.000 Necks get a lot worse.
02:02:16.000 Speaking of necks, there's a video that I tweeted today.
02:02:20.000 It's fucking hilarious.
02:02:22.000 Yeah?
02:02:22.000 It's some climate change denier lady, and she's got a weird neck.
02:02:28.000 You look at the picture on my Twitter, and you'll see what I'm talking about.
02:02:33.000 But it's one of the dumbest climate change denial videos I've ever seen in my life.
02:02:39.000 For whatever reason, I don't know what this is, but there's a lot of, like, down-home country-type people that want to tell you climate change is a myth.
02:02:50.000 Like Oswald?
02:02:50.000 This is her.
02:02:51.000 This is her.
02:02:51.000 See?
02:02:52.000 Look at that neck!
02:02:52.000 You compare her neck to Christy Brinkley's neck, I'll take Christy Brinkley's neck all day.
02:02:56.000 But play the video, because it's quite hilarious.
02:03:00.000 It's so strange, in fact, that it's hard to believe that there's a lot of people like that, but that she's going on about climate change.
02:03:09.000 Climate change is a myth.
02:03:12.000 Why are they so upset?
02:03:13.000 Congress!
02:03:15.000 I said something very provocative.
02:03:18.000 I said that global warming is a hoax.
02:03:21.000 Naturally, liberals in the lamestream media became unglued and attacked me immediately.
02:03:27.000 But as George Orwell once wrote, in the time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
02:03:35.000 A specter is haunting America.
02:03:38.000 It is perhaps the greatest deception in the history of mankind.
02:03:42.000 It has been almost 10 years since failed presidential candidate Al Gore put out his propaganda film, The Inconvenient Truth, proclaiming that the actions of America's energy industry are causing a catastrophic rise in the Earth's temperature.
02:03:58.000 But quite inconveniently for Al Gore and for the rest of the politicians who continue to advance this delusion, any ten-year-old can invalidate their thesis with one of the simplest scientific devices known to man, a thermometer.
02:04:15.000 The earth has done nothing but get colder each year since the film's release.
02:04:21.000 God certainly has a wonderful sense of irony.
02:04:25.000 President Obama knows it's getting colder.
02:04:28.000 He was foolish enough to blame our recent pathetic economic growth on record freezing weather.
02:04:35.000 And then he turned around and launched a new debate on global warming.
02:04:39.000 In the Obama administration, down is up, 2 plus 2 equals 5, and ignorance is strength.
02:04:48.000 Last summer, Antarctica reached the coldest temperature in recorded history.
02:04:52.000 There's record sheet ice and a 60% rise of ice in the Arctic Sea.
02:04:57.000 Polar bears have been forced out of their habitat because of overpopulation.
02:05:02.000 Liberals have professed that global warming would cause an increase in severe weather systems, such as hurricanes.
02:05:09.000 And they blame global warming every time these dangerous storms take place.
02:05:14.000 But experts agree, over the last several years, storms have decreased.
02:05:19.000 Perhaps the biggest clue that this is one big scam was swept under the rug by the lapdog media.
02:05:25.000 A computer hacker obtained access to the mail server at the Climate Research Center of East Anglia in the UK and downloaded over 1,000 emails proving without a shadow of a doubt that these so-called scientists had falsified data.
02:05:42.000 The conspiracy of global warming has had a devastating effect on the American dream.
02:05:48.000 The rise of modern society since the first refinement of crude oil in 1847 is no coincidence.
02:05:56.000 America's energy producers fueled the Industrial Revolution, which caused never-before-seen advances in living standards for the masses of ordinary people.
02:06:06.000 It was the burning of oil that energized the foundation of a real middle class in the 20th century, giving them access to new luxuries such as electric lights, refrigeration, and automobiles.
02:06:19.000 It was free market capitalism that created the wealthiest society the Earth had ever seen.
02:06:25.000 But now, both capitalism and our energy industry are under attack, and the hoax of global warming is the dagger.
02:06:34.000 It's exhausting.
02:06:35.000 What the fuck?
02:06:37.000 Can you imagine if you had that chick over for a dinner party?
02:06:40.000 And she just keeps going.
02:06:41.000 She started hitting you with that.
02:06:43.000 Can you imagine?
02:06:44.000 And she's reading off fucking cue cards?
02:06:46.000 Because that did not sound like her ideas.
02:06:47.000 No, she was reading.
02:06:48.000 Well, it might have been her ideas, but she was definitely reading something that was written out in advance.
02:06:52.000 I do notice, and this is like total nitpicking, but they're quoting this movie, they're shitting on this movie, An Inconvenient Truth.
02:06:59.000 Right.
02:06:59.000 They got the title wrong.
02:07:00.000 What is it?
02:07:01.000 They said the inconvenient truth.
02:07:03.000 And I know I'm nitpicking, but if that's your main argument, it's weird that they're not looking it up.
02:07:09.000 Well, I have a theory.
02:07:10.000 What's that?
02:07:11.000 I think she's dumb as fuck.
02:07:12.000 Yeah.
02:07:13.000 For sure.
02:07:14.000 She's dumb as fuck, but not available.
02:07:16.000 Right.
02:07:16.000 That was the best take they got.
02:07:18.000 So they're like, ah, fuck it.
02:07:19.000 It's the inconvenient truth.
02:07:20.000 Dumb as fuck, but not available.
02:07:23.000 Not available.
02:07:24.000 Doesn't know she's dumb as fuck.
02:07:25.000 Probably thinks she's pretty smart.
02:07:28.000 God has a wonderful sense of humor.
02:07:31.000 A thermometer.
02:07:33.000 I like when Obama was stressed out about the cold.
02:07:37.000 Yeah, he's very stressed out.
02:07:39.000 He gets stressed out.
02:07:40.000 It's getting colder every year and he knows it.
02:07:42.000 Yeah.
02:07:42.000 There's a picture of him.
02:07:43.000 Obama knows it.
02:07:44.000 Right.
02:07:44.000 And again, I love how they throw back to a hundred years ago.
02:07:49.000 And they go, look, this worked a hundred years ago, man.
02:07:52.000 What's the problem?
02:07:52.000 The reason why ordinary people, it raised the life standard for ordinary people.
02:07:59.000 Ordinary people.
02:07:59.000 What's an ordinary person?
02:08:02.000 Ordinary?
02:08:03.000 Like, she's like making a plea towards the ordinary.
02:08:07.000 Yeah.
02:08:07.000 Plead towards the mediocre, like me.
02:08:10.000 Right.
02:08:10.000 Mediocre, small-minded people with shitty synapses.
02:08:16.000 Yeah.
02:08:16.000 Like myself.
02:08:18.000 Yeah.
02:08:19.000 Regular Americans.
02:08:20.000 Meanwhile, that bitch is running for Congress!
02:08:23.000 In Louisiana!
02:08:25.000 And she's gonna get elected.
02:08:26.000 Can you imagine?
02:08:28.000 She's pro-industry.
02:08:29.000 Do you not understand what that means?
02:08:32.000 That's what gives people jobs full charge.
02:08:35.000 Keeps America strong.
02:08:37.000 Right.
02:08:39.000 America's a bunch...
02:08:40.000 I mean, there's a bunch of great things about America.
02:08:43.000 Yeah.
02:08:43.000 America's pretty awesome.
02:08:44.000 No burkas.
02:08:46.000 But there's a bunch of dumb shit in America that likes to call itself America.
02:08:51.000 Right.
02:08:52.000 You know, American values, American standards.
02:08:56.000 And it's people that have that sort of, this kind of mentality, this sort of just low voltage, sludgy, sloppy thinking.
02:09:09.000 Yeah.
02:09:11.000 But she's hot enough that she'll probably get in, just based on looks, probably.
02:09:14.000 Chicks are hot as fuck in Louisiana, dude.
02:09:17.000 Oh, it's great.
02:09:18.000 Women are hot as fuck down there.
02:09:19.000 That chick's got no chance.
02:09:21.000 If a hot one runs against her, all she has to do is show up at, like, farmer's markets and talk to people.
02:09:27.000 Right.
02:09:28.000 She's in.
02:09:30.000 It's just on hotness alone.
02:09:32.000 So what about what she's saying, though, where she's like...
02:09:34.000 It is colder this year and there is more ice in Antarctica.
02:09:38.000 Is that true?
02:09:39.000 I don't know.
02:09:40.000 Is global warming real?
02:09:42.000 I'm pretty sure everybody believes it's real.
02:09:45.000 Everyone kind of brings their own facts.
02:09:47.000 The only arguments that I've heard at all that make any sense whatsoever is that human addition to global warming is just one factor and that there's a cycle that happens all the time but humans are accelerating that cycle.
02:10:01.000 I've heard that argument.
02:10:02.000 That makes a lot of sense.
02:10:03.000 That makes more sense to me than humans have no effect on it and it makes more sense to me than humans are the cause of it entirely.
02:10:11.000 I have a feeling that if you look at all those When those guys do those core samples and they find out the temperature of a thousand years ago and they start examining the earth and the crust for all these different layers and some of them they can tell temperatures and asteroidal impacts and all this different thing.
02:10:30.000 It's pretty obvious that a bunch of stuff's been happening.
02:10:32.000 We've had ice ages.
02:10:34.000 We've come and go.
02:10:35.000 We've had hot spells.
02:10:36.000 When the dinosaurs were alive apparently it was like Right.
02:11:00.000 Global warming, is it real?
02:11:02.000 The global warming controversy.
02:11:05.000 Is global warming real?
02:11:07.000 What we know about global warming.
02:11:10.000 The skeptic society says it's real.
02:11:14.000 How we know global warming is real.
02:11:16.000 Human-induced climate change, atmospheric carbon dioxide concentrations, are higher today than at any other time in the last 650,000 years.
02:11:27.000 They're about 35% higher than before the Industrial Revolution, and this increase is caused by human activities, primarily the burning of fossil fuels, carbon dioxide...
02:11:38.000 It's a greenhouse gas, as are methane, nitrous, I'm going to sneeze, nitrous oxide, water vapor, and a host of other horse shit.
02:11:49.000 So yeah, it's global warming.
02:11:51.000 It's real.
02:11:51.000 It's real.
02:11:52.000 Okay, that makes sense.
02:11:54.000 I'm going with them instead of that chick.
02:11:57.000 Why is it hard to accept that things are going to change?
02:11:59.000 Well, you know full charge.
02:12:01.000 At my church, we have these discussions about the lamestream media and trying to figure out why the lamestream media continues to lie to America.
02:12:09.000 When she said lamestream media, at that point, you've got to go, we can't just keep talking.
02:12:16.000 We can't keep talking.
02:12:17.000 Right.
02:12:17.000 You think that's acceptable.
02:12:19.000 And she said it like she was shutting them down.
02:12:21.000 Right.
02:12:21.000 I'm putting them on blast.
02:12:24.000 To lamestream media.
02:12:26.000 Take that.
02:12:28.000 Imagine getting that lady high on mushrooms.
02:12:30.000 Imagine taking her to the forest.
02:12:34.000 A bunch of guys.
02:12:35.000 Not just guys.
02:12:37.000 That sounds really rapey.
02:12:38.000 Women too.
02:12:39.000 A bunch of people.
02:12:40.000 Everybody drag her along.
02:12:43.000 Listen, we're just going to get you.
02:12:45.000 You're going to eat these mushrooms with us.
02:12:47.000 Then we'll do whatever you want.
02:12:50.000 We'll vote for you.
02:12:51.000 We'll do whatever you want.
02:12:52.000 You just got to do this first.
02:12:53.000 We'll listen to you.
02:12:54.000 Just give her a big fucking jar of them with applesauce mixed in.
02:12:59.000 Look at her.
02:12:59.000 The Joe Rogan.
02:13:00.000 She's kind of hot.
02:13:01.000 Kind of hot in a weird, milfy way.
02:13:02.000 Now all I can look at is people's necks, though.
02:13:04.000 That's not even real, bro.
02:13:05.000 You photoshopped that.
02:13:06.000 I know what you did.
02:13:07.000 You did.
02:13:09.000 Brian, Brian, you hit the volume.
02:13:10.000 Jesus Christ.
02:13:11.000 What happened?
02:13:12.000 You fucking...
02:13:13.000 It's like a big dick right there on the mixer.
02:13:15.000 You cranked the volume up.
02:13:16.000 The headphone volume.
02:13:17.000 Yeah.
02:13:19.000 Did you have the headphone?
02:13:20.000 Didn't affect the recording?
02:13:21.000 No, just the headphones.
02:13:23.000 You photoshopped that, you fuck.
02:13:24.000 No, I didn't.
02:13:25.000 I think we're stupid.
02:13:27.000 That's a vagina.
02:13:27.000 It's on her neck.
02:13:29.000 It's like she swallowed a bow and arrow.
02:13:31.000 What's going on in her neck?
02:13:33.000 There's a guy named Arrowhead in her neck.
02:13:34.000 No, it's not.
02:13:36.000 That's Christy Brinkley.
02:13:37.000 Is it real?
02:13:37.000 It is.
02:13:38.000 No.
02:13:39.000 Is it real?
02:13:39.000 Did you really doctor that up?
02:13:41.000 Yeah, of course you did, you fuck.
02:13:43.000 He thinks it's funny.
02:13:44.000 So immature, man.
02:13:44.000 He put a vagina on a woman's neck.
02:13:46.000 And a woman is running for Congress.
02:13:48.000 First of all, it's unpatriotic.
02:13:51.000 Regardless of whether or not you agree with her, you will respect her.
02:13:54.000 It's un-American, Brian.
02:13:56.000 There are people that believe that.
02:13:58.000 That you're supposed to respect that person.
02:14:00.000 Right.
02:14:00.000 You're not supposed to mock her.
02:14:01.000 Right.
02:14:02.000 First of all, she's a lady.
02:14:04.000 Second of all, she's a congressman!
02:14:06.000 A representative!
02:14:09.000 She's gonna become the president one day.
02:14:12.000 Imagine if that's where we went.
02:14:13.000 If we went full fucking...
02:14:15.000 full apocalypto.
02:14:17.000 I couldn't handle that.
02:14:19.000 Climate deniers just fuck it up so bad that the oceans start to boil.
02:14:25.000 All the fish get cooked.
02:14:26.000 We all have to move to the center of the...
02:14:28.000 We all have to live in South Dakota.
02:14:30.000 Turns out people can all live in South Dakota.
02:14:32.000 Everyone.
02:14:32.000 Everyone.
02:14:33.000 That's all that's left.
02:14:35.000 Everything else is just hot water.
02:14:39.000 You gotta go where it's really fucking cold.
02:14:41.000 So Canada becomes the number one spot.
02:14:43.000 All of a sudden.
02:14:43.000 Yeah.
02:14:44.000 There's only 20 million people in all of Canada.
02:14:46.000 That's wild, huh?
02:14:47.000 Yeah.
02:14:47.000 That's LA. That's crazy.
02:14:49.000 I'm pretty sure that's right.
02:14:51.000 Let's see.
02:14:51.000 How many people are in Canada?
02:14:52.000 I'm pretty sure I read that.
02:14:53.000 How many people live in Canada?
02:14:55.000 I haven't spent too much time in Canada.
02:14:56.000 Oh, that's great.
02:14:57.000 I've been to Montreal.
02:14:58.000 That's fantastic.
02:14:59.000 And I've been to Winnipeg.
02:15:03.000 Winnipeg is 34. 34.8 million people.
02:15:07.000 So, yeah, what is that?
02:15:09.000 That's like L.A. and 20 million.
02:15:13.000 L.A.'s like 20 million.
02:15:14.000 I bet it's like the West Coast.
02:15:16.000 I bet it's the whole West Coast.
02:15:18.000 If you took the whole West Coast from, certainly from Mexico, but I mean from like San Diego all the way up to Washington State, I bet you would get 40. And so that's all of Canada?
02:15:30.000 That's all of Canada.
02:15:31.000 The whole thing.
02:15:32.000 Right.
02:15:32.000 The whole giant North America.
02:15:34.000 That's wild.
02:15:35.000 It's cold.
02:15:36.000 I mean, it's cold.
02:15:37.000 What can I tell you?
02:15:38.000 But not if global warming happens.
02:15:40.000 That would really work out.
02:15:41.000 Follow me, brother.
02:15:42.000 That would really work out.
02:15:43.000 What we need to do.
02:15:44.000 I have a friend who lives in northern Alberta.
02:15:47.000 Yeah.
02:15:47.000 And he just bought, or he's looking at this land.
02:15:49.000 There's 160 acres for $70,000.
02:15:54.000 Wow.
02:15:55.000 Yeah, Greenland might be the new go-to Hawaii place in the future, or Iceland.
02:16:01.000 Yup.
02:16:02.000 If it's not under the ocean.
02:16:04.000 That's the problem.
02:16:05.000 You gotta really hedge your bets when you're looking towards the future.
02:16:11.000 Yeah.
02:16:11.000 You know, like you sit in a guy's office.
02:16:13.000 Well, there's a whole thing about global warming.
02:16:15.000 It's an opportunity, okay?
02:16:16.000 And it's always an opportunity.
02:16:19.000 You know there's someone out there looking at it.
02:16:20.000 But prognostication, I mean, it's a tricky business.
02:16:23.000 You've got to really speculate.
02:16:24.000 I mean, a lot of people are going to drown, and there's a lot of bleeding hearts.
02:16:27.000 You're going to have a problem with that.
02:16:28.000 You know, look, those people are going to drown anyway.
02:16:30.000 What I'm looking at is what's going to be above ground.
02:16:33.000 Right.
02:16:33.000 And what we've come up with is Nova Scotia is much higher altitude.
02:16:38.000 I've got two words for you.
02:16:39.000 North Pole.
02:16:41.000 All right.
02:16:42.000 I'm listening.
02:16:45.000 How would you like a house overlooking the ocean that isn't there yet?
02:16:49.000 Okay, well, all we need to do, my friend, is get permits.
02:16:52.000 Not only can I give you a permit, but I can name a star after you.
02:16:56.000 All right.
02:16:57.000 Sign here on this.
02:16:58.000 Remember those little star registries?
02:17:00.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:17:01.000 You pay money and they name a star after you?
02:17:02.000 Oh, yeah.
02:17:03.000 They're not naming a star after you.
02:17:05.000 Will you shut the fuck up?
02:17:06.000 Probably got a star named after me.
02:17:08.000 Yeah.
02:17:10.000 Fucking St. Nicholas star.
02:17:12.000 My name's Nick.
02:17:13.000 I figure I'm gonna have a star.
02:17:15.000 I should be St. Nick.
02:17:16.000 St. Nicholas the star.
02:17:18.000 For the price of a cup of coffee, I bought my own store.
02:17:20.000 $25.
02:17:21.000 $25.
02:17:22.000 What if in the future we have the technology to go to all these planets that they named and stuff, and you actually get to own it based off a $29 purchase?
02:17:31.000 That would be fantastic.
02:17:31.000 I don't think they named planets.
02:17:33.000 Planets are rare and difficult to find.
02:17:35.000 Stars are up there.
02:17:36.000 There's enough stars that I think they had the...
02:17:39.000 I mean, really fucking brilliant if you think how stupid people have to be that you pay someone to write on a piece of paper that the star is named after you.
02:17:49.000 It's not your fucking star, man.
02:17:52.000 And by the way, that star doesn't give a shit what you name it.
02:17:55.000 You just got permission from another person who doesn't have that permission to name a fucking star after you.
02:18:00.000 Isn't a star an explosion?
02:18:02.000 You're named after it, you name it an explosion.
02:18:04.000 Not only that, it might not even be there.
02:18:08.000 It might not even still be there.
02:18:10.000 Some of those lights that you see in the sky are from a million years ago.
02:18:14.000 Millions of years ago.
02:18:15.000 Millions of light years away.
02:18:17.000 So the light that's reaching you right now, it might have already burnt out.
02:18:20.000 Sure.
02:18:21.000 Might have blown out.
02:18:23.000 Right.
02:18:24.000 Maybe a little bit.
02:18:26.000 They first figured out about those hypernovas sometime during, I think it was like the early 2000s.
02:18:32.000 They first...
02:18:34.000 I want to say...
02:18:35.000 No, no, no.
02:18:36.000 That was when they first figured out that inside every galaxy was a black hole.
02:18:41.000 But they came up with this new detection equipment.
02:18:44.000 And I forget what the year it was.
02:18:46.000 I should probably look it up while we're talking about it.
02:18:48.000 But when did they invent hypernovas?
02:18:51.000 But they found out...
02:18:53.000 Vent...
02:18:55.000 Discover hypernovas?
02:18:56.000 Because they didn't invent them.
02:18:58.000 Hyper...
02:18:58.000 So there's...
02:19:00.000 This is where I get really dumb.
02:19:01.000 There's black holes in every galaxy, you said?
02:19:03.000 They believe that there are, in every galaxy, and this is fairly recent over the last decade, they believe that at the center of every galaxy is a supermassive black hole that is one half of one percent of the mass of the entire galaxy.
02:19:19.000 So the bigger the galaxy, the bigger the black hole.
02:19:21.000 And that inside each black hole may be another universe.
02:19:25.000 Okay.
02:19:28.000 That's fine.
02:19:28.000 That checks out.
02:19:29.000 It's a bit of a mindfuck, my friend.
02:19:31.000 A bit of a mindfuck.
02:19:32.000 Do you ever see that movie, The Black Hole?
02:19:34.000 It was like a fake Star Wars?
02:19:36.000 Yeah, Disney.
02:19:37.000 I don't remember that.
02:19:38.000 What was that?
02:19:38.000 It was like an imitation Star Wars movie.
02:19:40.000 Oh, no, it wasn't.
02:19:41.000 Yeah, it was.
02:19:42.000 It had really cool robots in it.
02:19:44.000 Yeah, it was somewhat popular.
02:19:46.000 But, you know, obviously it wasn't as good as Star Wars.
02:19:48.000 Do you remember Buck Rogers?
02:19:50.000 Yeah.
02:19:50.000 That was the bomb.
02:19:51.000 Okay, it was in 1990, the 1990s, that they figured it out.
02:19:56.000 In 1998, a paper suggesting a link between gamma ray bursts and young massive stars formally proposed the term hypernova.
02:20:05.000 They had some sort of a measuring equipment.
02:20:08.000 And they were detecting so many explosions in the sky that they thought there was a war amongst aliens.
02:20:14.000 Really?
02:20:15.000 This is something that was actively being considered because all throughout the day, apparently, like all day long, if you have the proper measuring equipment, you can detect hypernovas that are taking place way out in the far reaches of the galaxy.
02:20:28.000 And what they are is like they're stars that are blowing up.
02:20:32.000 So it's happening, like, all over the universe.
02:20:34.000 But these bursts are so strong, if they're anywhere near us, we'd be dead.
02:20:39.000 Right.
02:20:39.000 Like, if they were at a nearby star, or a nearby solar system, and it went hypernova, that's a wrap.
02:20:46.000 That's it, huh?
02:20:46.000 That's a wrap.
02:20:47.000 That's a wrap for this whole galaxy.
02:20:49.000 Kind of nice.
02:20:49.000 All life, most likely dead.
02:20:51.000 Right.
02:20:51.000 Yeah.
02:20:52.000 That's a good way to go.
02:20:52.000 A nearby hypernova, let's Google what it would say.
02:20:56.000 Nearby, dangers of a nearby hypernova.
02:21:01.000 Death.
02:21:02.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
02:21:03.000 I mean, there's so many stars out there that I don't know if it would be possible, but if it...
02:21:14.000 I mean, it certainly would be possible.
02:21:15.000 I don't know how likely it would be, but...
02:21:18.000 But the numbers of stars are just, it's insane.
02:21:22.000 Hundreds of billions.
02:21:23.000 Just in our galaxy.
02:21:25.000 I don't think you can even understand.
02:21:27.000 That's just numbers, right?
02:21:29.000 Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me.
02:21:30.000 I can't really.
02:21:31.000 Destruction of Earth by a nearby supernova.
02:21:34.000 Oh, this is on the NASA page.
02:21:37.000 Be careful, Joe.
02:21:38.000 Be careful.
02:21:39.000 To destroy the Earth itself, the sun will have to go supernova, which it never will.
02:21:43.000 If you're talking about life on Earth, then there is a detailed calculation of the risks due to nearby supernova on the web.
02:21:50.000 Oh, there's actually a thing that calculates the risks.
02:21:54.000 The author concludes that a supernova has to be within 10 parsecs or 30 light years to be dangerous to life on Earth.
02:22:01.000 That is because the atmosphere shields us from most dangerous radiations.
02:22:07.000 Astronauts in orbit may be in danger if supernova is within a thousand parsecs or so.
02:22:14.000 So if they were up in space, it would be a thousand parsecs, so a hundred times more.
02:22:21.000 So 300 million light years.
02:22:24.000 Or 300 light years, rather.
02:22:26.000 Wow.
02:22:27.000 Crazy, man.
02:22:29.000 No star currently within 20 parsecs will go supernova within the next few million years.
02:22:34.000 Whew.
02:22:37.000 That's a relief, man.
02:22:38.000 I feel so much better.
02:22:39.000 That's my biggest fear.
02:22:41.000 That would be a motherfucker, dude.
02:22:42.000 Just one day, it all goes bright.
02:22:44.000 I listen to the lamestream media all day.
02:22:46.000 The lamestream media.
02:22:48.000 I'm constantly paranoid of things.
02:22:50.000 They could call it a hypernova all they want.
02:22:52.000 What I know is it's angels coming.
02:22:56.000 Them's just lightning bugs.
02:22:57.000 When angels come, the satellites go down.
02:23:00.000 Right.
02:23:01.000 Right.
02:23:03.000 God has a great sense of evil.
02:23:05.000 The lamestream media would want you to believe that the supernovas are to be feared.
02:23:12.000 But God's plan includes all of us.
02:23:14.000 God's plan.
02:23:15.000 Amen.
02:23:16.000 When is that going to go away?
02:23:17.000 I don't think it will.
02:23:19.000 When is that accent going to go away?
02:23:21.000 I think people love it.
02:23:22.000 I think they love it and they're going to keep it going as long as they can.
02:23:25.000 I think they should keep it going just for the chicks.
02:23:27.000 Yeah, right?
02:23:28.000 For the chicks alone.
02:23:29.000 It's the best accent ever for chicks.
02:23:31.000 How y'all doing?
02:23:32.000 It's the best.
02:23:34.000 It's the best.
02:23:35.000 It doesn't get any better.
02:23:36.000 But for dudes, it's a little hickey.
02:23:38.000 I think if you're a country music fan, it could work.
02:23:40.000 If the guy's a gentleman, it could work.
02:23:42.000 But if the guy's explaining thermonuclear power, you'll be like, what?
02:23:47.000 It's a fucking hickey cocksucker.
02:23:49.000 Throw some Harvard on there.
02:23:52.000 Basically, we're working with fusion, and the way fusion works is we have the nuclear reactor, and we fuel the water into the broads, and it creates steam, and then the steam...
02:24:04.000 Oh, you shut this fucking guy up and get a real scientist in here!
02:24:07.000 Get someone from Harvard, someone with a good, strong New England accent.
02:24:11.000 Exactly.
02:24:13.000 But you listen to people from Harvard, scientists from Harvard, no Boston accent whatsoever.
02:24:17.000 Right.
02:24:17.000 Have you noticed that?
02:24:18.000 Yeah, they're transplants, right?
02:24:19.000 No, they're smart enough to know that accent sucks.
02:24:21.000 Right.
02:24:21.000 And it's going to devalue all their arguments by eight points.
02:24:24.000 Yeah.
02:24:25.000 The only time that accent doesn't suck is if you're drinking.
02:24:28.000 Then it's okay.
02:24:29.000 Yo, that is great.
02:24:30.000 I mean, I love to listen to it.
02:24:31.000 Yeah.
02:24:32.000 If you're drinking and you're hearing stories, but if it's the judge and he's about to sentence you and he's got a Boston accent, you're like, oh, Christ.
02:24:38.000 You're like, it's going to be a big one.
02:24:39.000 Matt Fultron, please approach the bench.
02:24:42.000 When your car feared off of that road because you had been drinking, you violated the laws of Weymouth, Massachusetts.
02:24:53.000 Oh.
02:24:54.000 Do you ever hear Bill Burr tell that story about how he's in court, and they're reading his testimony, and the cop asks him, where is he going?
02:25:02.000 And he said, fucking Boston.
02:25:05.000 And he goes, but Bill explains, like, nah, you know, I'm from Boston.
02:25:08.000 It's like, when he asked me, I was just thinking when I was saying, like, fucking Boston.
02:25:16.000 I wasn't cursing like you think I was.
02:25:18.000 Yeah, not like it's like an indignant statement.
02:25:21.000 I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just thinking.
02:25:23.000 Where are you going?
02:25:23.000 Fucking Boston.
02:25:26.000 They read that off a piece of paper at his court case.
02:25:29.000 That's so funny.
02:25:30.000 That's the problem with the word fuck, that it's kind of the word uh sometimes.
02:25:34.000 Yeah.
02:25:35.000 You fucking, um, fucking, this fucking, fuck, fuck this guy, this fucking guy.
02:25:41.000 Right.
02:25:41.000 If you saw that on paper, you'd be like, this is a really angry person.
02:25:45.000 Yeah, right.
02:25:45.000 You know?
02:25:46.000 But it's just a guy with a bad vocabulary.
02:25:48.000 That's why Twitter doesn't work, man.
02:25:50.000 Context.
02:25:51.000 It should all be in context.
02:25:53.000 Absolutely.
02:25:53.000 You don't get context when you just read it.
02:25:56.000 No.
02:25:57.000 Even if you know the person you're reading from, it doesn't always work.
02:26:01.000 Sometimes it works if you know the person you're reading from.
02:26:03.000 Like, rise and shine cocksuckers when it comes to Joey Diaz.
02:26:07.000 Sure.
02:26:07.000 You know it's 6am and it's time to get up.
02:26:10.000 Yeah, you know exactly what that is.
02:26:12.000 Joey Diaz did this thing recently where he was talking about being proud to be an American.
02:26:16.000 He did this rant and then they put the national anthem over it.
02:26:22.000 Pull it up.
02:26:23.000 He did a rant with the national anthem.
02:26:27.000 He's like, can you get me going?
02:26:29.000 Put the fucking national anthem on.
02:26:32.000 Have you ever been up like crazy early in the morning?
02:26:35.000 And listened to it?
02:26:35.000 Yeah.
02:26:36.000 And he's also up on Twitter at like 5am.
02:26:38.000 Oh yeah.
02:26:38.000 He gets up really early.
02:26:39.000 Just giving people music to listen to.
02:26:41.000 He's always done that.
02:26:42.000 He's always gotten up really early and he's always gone to bed really early too.
02:26:46.000 Try calling Joey at midnight.
02:26:47.000 Really?
02:26:48.000 Joey's dead.
02:26:49.000 He's asleep.
02:26:50.000 He's out cold.
02:26:51.000 So what time does he normally go to bed?
02:26:53.000 Does a show, leaves a show.
02:26:54.000 I mean, he'll, like, we do a 10 o'clock show.
02:26:56.000 He'll get to bed at 1 o'clock in the morning, 2 o'clock.
02:26:58.000 But he doesn't like to do that.
02:26:59.000 He likes to be in bed by, like, 11. Huh.
02:27:01.000 I'm in bed by 11. I'm in no danger.
02:27:03.000 Yeah, he likes to, um...
02:27:05.000 But he's up.
02:27:06.000 American.
02:27:06.000 American.
02:27:06.000 Okay, so the fucking Mexicans are taking your job.
02:27:10.000 The Russians, the Armenians, cut it the fuck out.
02:27:14.000 Go down there.
02:27:15.000 This country is 240 fucking years old, correct?
02:27:19.000 In 1776, they became a country because we're back.
02:27:23.000 Play the fucking national anthem because they got me fired up.
02:27:27.000 240 fucking years we've been around.
02:27:30.000 We are the greatest.
02:27:31.000 We help fucking everybody.
02:27:33.000 But guess what?
02:27:34.000 Don't mistake our fucking kindness, the fucking weakness.
02:27:38.000 We're still fucking American.
02:27:40.000 And you gotta get up every morning and fuck that little circle of loser friends you have that tell you, don't go down there.
02:27:46.000 They're not gonna hire you.
02:27:47.000 They're not gonna hire you because you have that fucking loser attitude walking in.
02:27:51.000 You're going to grab your fucking balls.
02:27:53.000 You're going to take a shit.
02:27:54.000 You're going to wipe fucking your ass.
02:27:56.000 You're going to brush your teeth.
02:27:57.000 You're going to put gel on your hair.
02:27:58.000 You're going to fucking whatever the fuck.
02:28:00.000 Put your mouthwash in your fucking mouth.
02:28:02.000 And you're going to go down and you're going to go, listen, I know you're not hiring, but I'm the best motherfucker available to you.
02:28:07.000 You know why?
02:28:08.000 Because I'm a fucking American, okay?
02:28:10.000 Whether I'm black, a chink, I speak.
02:28:13.000 Whatever the fuck I am, I'm a fucking American.
02:28:16.000 And I'm gonna outwork all these motherfuckers here.
02:28:18.000 Give me ten hammers.
02:28:19.000 Ten fucking hammers.
02:28:21.000 What time you close?
02:28:22.000 Five?
02:28:22.000 I'll be here when you fucking get here.
02:28:25.000 At six, cocksucker.
02:28:26.000 You're a fucking American.
02:28:28.000 Stop fucking whining.
02:28:29.000 I'm sick of you motherfuckers.
02:28:31.000 240 years, we've been slinging dick, and you're still whining about the unemployment rate.
02:28:37.000 What unemployment rate?
02:28:38.000 It's only in your fucking head.
02:28:40.000 You need to eat your fuck...
02:28:42.000 I'm sorry.
02:28:45.000 After a weekend with a bunch of fucking Gentiles.
02:28:48.000 Get up!
02:28:49.000 It's Monday.
02:28:49.000 It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive.
02:28:51.000 I hope he doesn't live in an apartment.
02:28:54.000 His neighbors will hate him.
02:28:55.000 If he does, he doesn't care.
02:28:57.000 I know.
02:28:57.000 I like how he just basically did what the Jerky Boys did.
02:29:00.000 He told you to do what the Jerky Boys do.
02:29:01.000 Like, I'm the fucking best!
02:29:03.000 I run circles around you motherfuckers!
02:29:06.000 You got nobody down there that works like me!
02:29:09.000 That's exactly what a Jerky Boy phone call would be like!
02:29:13.000 The Jerky Boys missed their time.
02:29:15.000 They did a movie and everything like that, but the Jerky Boys, if they had been on the internet, Yeah.
02:29:20.000 If the Jerky Boys came out today, some of those fucking things would have millions of hits.
02:29:25.000 Yeah.
02:29:25.000 But we had to pass those tapes around.
02:29:27.000 You know when we passed those around?
02:29:29.000 Yeah, that was one of my favorite things that ever happened was the Jerky Boys.
02:29:32.000 You would get it from a friend.
02:29:33.000 A friend would get it, and somehow or another they would make a copy for you, and they'd get you the Jerky Boys.
02:29:37.000 That's how it became famous.
02:29:39.000 I bought it from a friend.
02:29:40.000 He goes, I feel bad selling you this because...
02:29:43.000 After you listen to it twice, you're never going to listen to it again.
02:29:46.000 I've been quoting this shit every day for 20, 25 years.
02:29:49.000 I fucking love the Jerky Boys.
02:29:51.000 We were quoting them today!
02:29:53.000 Yeah, absolutely.
02:29:55.000 Dude, they had some funny shit.
02:29:56.000 Oh my god, it's so rude.
02:29:58.000 The one guy was really good.
02:30:00.000 The one guy was really good.
02:30:01.000 One guy was okay, but the other guy was really fucking good.
02:30:03.000 Phenomenal.
02:30:03.000 I don't know which guy was which, but really fucking funny stuff.
02:30:07.000 If you go back and listen to it today, laugh.
02:30:09.000 Yeah.
02:30:10.000 Rosenberg.
02:30:10.000 That was one of those things, it was like, if you did pranks back then, it was hard to get appreciated.
02:30:15.000 Yeah.
02:30:16.000 It was hard to, you know, to do something along those lines.
02:30:19.000 And then, remember when Jimmy Kimmel had a TV show?
02:30:24.000 Crank Yankers?
02:30:25.000 Yeah.
02:30:25.000 And he had puppets?
02:30:26.000 Yeah.
02:30:27.000 Puppets, and comics would do the prank phone calls?
02:30:30.000 Yeah.
02:30:30.000 And they would call, and puppets would reenact it?
02:30:32.000 That's crazy.
02:30:33.000 That was hilarious.
02:30:34.000 I totally forgot about that show.
02:30:36.000 Jim Florentine's thing was the best.
02:30:38.000 What was Jim Florentine's?
02:30:39.000 It was just the guy that goes, yay!
02:30:42.000 I'm gonna come to your store, lady, where is it?
02:30:44.000 And every answer was, yay!
02:30:49.000 And he called everyone lady, whether you were a man or a woman.
02:30:53.000 How much to see Air Bud, lady?
02:30:55.000 Five dollars!
02:30:56.000 Yay!
02:30:57.000 It's brilliant.
02:30:59.000 That's hilarious.
02:30:59.000 That's hilarious.
02:31:01.000 That's hilarious.
02:31:02.000 And there's one where Mitch Hedberg called up and wanted to join a guy's band.
02:31:05.000 That one's fucking phenomenal.
02:31:07.000 He called up and wanted to join a guy's band?
02:31:09.000 Yeah, it was like he saw a WAN ad that was like, we're looking for a guitar player.
02:31:12.000 And he called up and said, oh, but I'm kind of a singer too, man.
02:31:14.000 Check out these lyrics, man.
02:31:16.000 Go right to that one.
02:31:17.000 Go right to that one.
02:31:19.000 Crank Yankers, Mitch Hedberg, band.
02:31:22.000 I think it's hard to find.
02:31:23.000 Oh, you'll find it.
02:31:24.000 He'll find it.
02:31:24.000 He knows how to use the internet.
02:31:25.000 Oh, okay, okay.
02:31:27.000 He's not like you, full charge.
02:31:28.000 Gotcha.
02:31:28.000 No, I give up after three seconds.
02:31:29.000 He's got magic fingers and a good sense of Google.
02:31:32.000 Yeah, I haven't even called AT&T to tell him my internet's down.
02:31:37.000 Mitch Hedberg, Crank Yankers.
02:31:51.000 I like how he's playing a character, too.
02:31:53.000 Yeah.
02:31:54.000 You gotta see this.
02:31:59.000 Hello?
02:32:00.000 Hey, is Jerry there?
02:32:02.000 Yeah, can you hold on for a second?
02:32:04.000 Uh, no.
02:32:06.000 Is he there?
02:32:07.000 How are you doing?
02:32:09.000 You were just turning down your music.
02:32:11.000 That's why you put me on hold.
02:32:12.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:32:13.000 That's cool.
02:32:14.000 I thought you had a secretary or something.
02:32:19.000 Really?
02:32:19.000 How about now?
02:32:21.000 No, now I can hear you fine.
02:32:23.000 Well, I'm talking the same level, man.
02:32:24.000 Your ears are screwy.
02:32:28.000 I'm a musician, man.
02:32:29.000 I'm calling you up because you're looking for some jam partners, right?
02:32:33.000 Yeah, actually.
02:32:34.000 What we're looking for is a singer.
02:32:36.000 Well, yeah, man.
02:32:38.000 I play guitar mainly, but singing is no problem.
02:32:41.000 If you put a mic up to my mouth, I'll belt it out.
02:32:44.000 Yeah, well, we're looking for a real lead singer.
02:32:47.000 If you want me to sing, I have like a real, you know, I like to like yell like, ah, you know what I mean?
02:32:52.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:32:53.000 Do you like that kind of singing?
02:32:54.000 Well, sometimes.
02:32:55.000 I hate melody, you know, I'm purely against melody.
02:32:59.000 Where are you calling from?
02:33:00.000 I'm calling, I'm from my phone here.
02:33:03.000 No, I mean, you live in Nassau or Suffolk?
02:33:06.000 I'm part of the, I'm part of the Suffolk death metal contingent, you know?
02:33:10.000 So you're more into the heavier stuff?
02:33:13.000 Oh yeah, the heavier the better, man.
02:33:14.000 I mean, Well, if you want, I'll take your name and number, and if the other guys are interested, we'll call you back.
02:33:21.000 Alright, man, but I know people at MTV, too, you know, so you should probably hook up with me.
02:33:26.000 What's your name?
02:33:28.000 My name is Mitch.
02:33:30.000 Mitch?
02:33:30.000 And I got long hair.
02:33:32.000 Okay.
02:33:33.000 Yeah, man, it's way past my nipples.
02:33:39.000 Well, I don't have a phone right now.
02:33:41.000 I spent all my phone money on distortion pedals and stuff.
02:33:45.000 You ever write a song about a unicorn?
02:33:47.000 No.
02:33:48.000 I wrote this kick-ass song about a unicorn.
02:33:51.000 It's like a unicorn who has a story, though.
02:33:54.000 The unicorn goes through the ups and downs, and then in the end, the unicorn...
02:33:58.000 I'll tell you what.
02:33:59.000 I'm just going to be rehearsing now, so you know what?
02:34:02.000 Let's jam right now over the phone.
02:34:04.000 No, I got to go.
02:34:06.000 Okay, let's just play a tune right now, me and you.
02:34:09.000 I got people in my house right now.
02:34:12.000 Oh, really?
02:34:13.000 Yeah, so call me in a week or so.
02:34:15.000 Alright.
02:34:15.000 Take it easy.
02:34:16.000 Later.
02:34:19.000 His voice is just music to my ears, man.
02:34:21.000 Yeah, well, especially now so after he's gone.
02:34:24.000 Yeah.
02:34:31.000 He did other ones?
02:34:33.000 He's doing bong hits on the cat.
02:34:37.000 Oh, that's the end of it.
02:34:38.000 Yeah.
02:34:39.000 And what was the other one, the Jim Florentine one?
02:34:41.000 Jim Florentine.
02:34:42.000 His name is Special Ed, I think.
02:34:44.000 Is that still legal?
02:34:45.000 Can you still do that?
02:34:46.000 Can you call people up?
02:34:46.000 It used to be that you could do it as long as you did it in Vegas.
02:34:50.000 That's their loophole.
02:34:51.000 I don't know what the deal is now.
02:34:52.000 This show probably ruined it, you know?
02:34:54.000 The show?
02:34:55.000 What?
02:34:55.000 Crank, crank, crank.
02:34:56.000 Oh.
02:34:57.000 I wonder.
02:34:58.000 It is Willie.
02:34:59.000 Can I help you?
02:35:00.000 Yes.
02:35:01.000 I'm trying to track a package that was supposed to be delivered to my sister.
02:35:05.000 When was it supposed to get there?
02:35:06.000 What is this?
02:35:07.000 It was supposed to get to her address on the 17th.
02:35:10.000 On the 17th!
02:35:11.000 Yeah, but they didn't make their first attempt.
02:35:13.000 I think the character's name is Special Ed.
02:35:15.000 But that seems weird.
02:35:16.000 Like, she's calling them to try to get a package tracked, and they're fucking around.
02:35:20.000 There's a couple guys.
02:35:21.000 Jim Florentine and Don Jamison do this thing called the Touchtone Terrorists, and they have a number that a lot of people call as a customer service number, and they also do telemarketers.
02:35:33.000 So the people that call, they think it's an actual customer service number.
02:35:37.000 Yeah, I might be getting some of that information mixed up.
02:35:41.000 That's fucked, because what if somebody, because it seemed like that's what she was doing.
02:35:43.000 It seemed like she was calling like she had a real problem.
02:35:45.000 Right, I've heard this one before.
02:35:46.000 That's even worse than calling somebody, right?
02:35:49.000 Yeah, it's kind of fucked up.
02:35:51.000 That's even worse.
02:35:51.000 Like, if they're calling you, they've got a real issue they need to fix.
02:35:54.000 No.
02:35:55.000 Yeah, you know what Florentine does is he just tapes every conversation and when telemarketers call him, he fucks with them so bad.
02:36:03.000 That's smart.
02:36:04.000 Yeah.
02:36:05.000 Well, that should be totally legal.
02:36:06.000 Yeah, that should be.
02:36:07.000 Yeah, that should be the one time where you could get away with stuff like that.
02:36:12.000 Just fuck with telemarketers.
02:36:13.000 Yeah.
02:36:14.000 That's a miserable job, though, man.
02:36:16.000 To make that job more miserable to people and fuck with them.
02:36:18.000 I can't imagine.
02:36:19.000 Hi, Belinda.
02:36:20.000 This is Ed.
02:36:23.000 Well, hi, Ed.
02:36:24.000 So you got Air Bud?
02:36:26.000 The video?
02:36:28.000 Yeah.
02:36:29.000 I've got Air Bud, yeah.
02:36:31.000 Yay!
02:36:31.000 I love Air Bud.
02:36:33.000 Yay!
02:36:34.000 I want to come down there and get it.
02:36:36.000 Okay.
02:36:38.000 Um, okay.
02:36:39.000 Do you have The Shining?
02:36:41.000 We do.
02:36:44.000 I'm scared.
02:36:46.000 Can you take it out of the store before I get there?
02:36:51.000 I sure can.
02:36:53.000 All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy.
02:36:57.000 Oh.
02:36:59.000 Laceps!
02:37:00.000 Laceps!
02:37:01.000 Laceps!
02:37:02.000 Laceps!
02:37:03.000 Laceps!
02:37:04.000 Laceps!
02:37:05.000 Laceps!
02:37:07.000 Okay.
02:37:09.000 Yay!
02:37:10.000 Yay!
02:37:11.000 Yay!
02:37:13.000 Yay!
02:37:14.000 Yay!
02:37:15.000 Yay!
02:37:16.000 Yay!
02:37:16.000 Yay!
02:37:17.000 Yay!
02:37:17.000 What the fuck?
02:37:19.000 You know what this is?
02:37:20.000 Ed, I've got some other customers here that I really need to help.
02:37:23.000 Ed isn't here, mister.
02:37:26.000 Okay.
02:37:28.000 Ed isn't here, mister!
02:37:30.000 You know what this is?
02:37:31.000 This is someone...
02:37:32.000 No, someone took the sound bites and did their own prank phone calls.
02:37:37.000 That's why it's not that good.
02:37:39.000 You know?
02:37:40.000 Huh.
02:37:40.000 Yeah.
02:37:41.000 That's why I was repeating all this stuff.
02:37:43.000 Oh, wow.
02:37:44.000 You sure?
02:37:45.000 I'm pretty sure.
02:37:46.000 You sure it wasn't just psychotic?
02:37:48.000 No, I'm pretty sure.
02:37:49.000 It seemed like it was just psychotic.
02:37:51.000 Yeah, I think that was somebody else using a soundboard.
02:37:56.000 I don't know, that would be a good call if you just did it like that.
02:37:59.000 It was so crazy.
02:38:02.000 Yeah, that was a big thing for a while, pranking.
02:38:04.000 Yeah.
02:38:04.000 You know?
02:38:05.000 Not so much anymore.
02:38:06.000 No, I used to do it without recording it, which is fucking...
02:38:10.000 Sounds kind of dumb.
02:38:11.000 Did you ever see the one where the dude was walking up to people and he's asking them if they want to kiss his ass?
02:38:20.000 He's like a donkey in his pocket.
02:38:22.000 Just saw that.
02:38:22.000 Do you want to kiss my ass?
02:38:23.000 Do you want to kiss my ass?
02:38:24.000 And this one guy sucker punches him and knocks him out cold, knocks his teeth through his lips.
02:38:30.000 Yeah.
02:38:31.000 The guy just loses all control of his body in one second.
02:38:36.000 Well, he just got knocked the fuck out.
02:38:38.000 He got clocked.
02:38:38.000 I mean, it was bad.
02:38:39.000 His lip was torn.
02:38:41.000 His cheek was torn open.
02:38:42.000 Yeah.
02:38:42.000 He could see through his cheek to his teeth.
02:38:45.000 He got punched through his lower lip.
02:38:48.000 Yeah.
02:38:49.000 The point where his teeth went through his face.
02:38:51.000 Yeah.
02:38:52.000 Yeah.
02:38:53.000 He asked the wrong guy the wrong question.
02:38:55.000 Well, the guy told him to back the fuck off.
02:38:57.000 Yeah.
02:38:58.000 And he was still like, do you want to kiss my ass?
02:39:01.000 He thought he was being cute because he was getting filmed.
02:39:04.000 And then he was getting like...
02:39:05.000 People were calling fake...
02:39:07.000 Because he wasn't mad, like, when he was getting interviewed after, you know, they had a camera on him, like, he was on his way to the hospital.
02:39:14.000 Yeah.
02:39:14.000 He was all fucked up, and like, no, that's bullshit.
02:39:16.000 He would be pissed off if that guy punched him.
02:39:18.000 Like, no, he's an idiot.
02:39:20.000 Yeah.
02:39:20.000 Yeah.
02:39:21.000 He thinks it's cute.
02:39:22.000 Not smart to begin with.
02:39:23.000 He thinks it's funny that he got knocked out.
02:39:25.000 Do you ever see the one where the kid jumps out of a trash can and the guy punches him?
02:39:28.000 Yep.
02:39:29.000 That's a classic animated GIF. Right?
02:39:32.000 That's so great.
02:39:33.000 That's a classic one.
02:39:34.000 That's so great.
02:39:35.000 Someone used to have that as their avatar on my message board.
02:39:38.000 That's so funny.
02:39:39.000 They would pop up, boom!
02:39:41.000 The guy would hit him and you'd go right back into it.
02:39:42.000 You see that video that somebody released where it was like an MMA fight or a small, like some kind of fight, and then the judge starts beating up the two guys because he tried to break them up and they wouldn't break up.
02:39:55.000 So then the judge just, the referee starts just beating them up.
02:39:58.000 He's...
02:39:59.000 I don't want to see it.
02:40:00.000 It's okay.
02:40:01.000 Yeah.
02:40:01.000 I'm sure it happens.
02:40:02.000 It's so great how we have so much footage of so much nonsense.
02:40:06.000 World Star!
02:40:07.000 Yeah.
02:40:07.000 I saw a bad World Star one the other day where some guy knocks this guy out onto the hood of a car.
02:40:12.000 He just steps up to this guy.
02:40:14.000 The guy's sitting there.
02:40:16.000 He's sitting next to a car.
02:40:18.000 He steps up and smashes him in the face, knocking him out cold.
02:40:23.000 The guy goes flying back into the grill of the car and then crumples.
02:40:26.000 The other guy's yelling, World Star!
02:40:29.000 And I was like, really?
02:40:31.000 Like, the humanity.
02:40:33.000 There's a certain segment of the human race that doesn't give a fuck about the rest of the human race.
02:40:39.000 That's true.
02:40:39.000 They really don't give a fuck.
02:40:40.000 That's true.
02:40:41.000 It's kind of scary.
02:40:43.000 And you can find that segment represented well on worldstarhiphop.com.
02:40:47.000 Absolutely.
02:40:48.000 They don't mind punching each other in the face, or punching you in the face.
02:40:52.000 Yeah, it's fine.
02:40:52.000 It's just part of life.
02:40:54.000 Did you see the one the other day?
02:40:55.000 I think Bill Burr tweeted it.
02:40:56.000 It's a kid.
02:40:57.000 He's riding his bicycle.
02:40:59.000 He pushes his bicycle, punches his kid in the face, jumps off the bike, runs by, punches his kid in the face, then jumps on the bike.
02:41:07.000 Yeah, he was ghost riding.
02:41:09.000 He was ghost riding his bike, sucker punched his kid in the face, and then jumped back on the bike and ran away.
02:41:14.000 These little kids tried to sucker punch me one time in Baltimore.
02:41:16.000 I was lifeguard in his pool.
02:41:17.000 Really?
02:41:18.000 And they wanted to go swimming, so they just walked up.
02:41:20.000 They were like eight years old, and they go, hey, come here, I want to tell you something.
02:41:23.000 Dude goes to punch me.
02:41:25.000 I move out of the way.
02:41:26.000 They all jump in the pool, jump out, and run away.
02:41:29.000 Whoa.
02:41:30.000 And that's actually the story.
02:41:32.000 Jump in the pool, jump out, and run away.
02:41:34.000 Yeah, they just wanted to jump in the pool for a second.
02:41:36.000 Did they show the kid picking on the kid first?
02:41:38.000 Yeah, at first there was...
02:41:40.000 Here, you can see the whole thing right here.
02:41:43.000 We don't see it, Brian.
02:41:45.000 Gotta go to the crib, nigga!
02:41:47.000 Gotta go to the crib, nigga!
02:41:54.000 Damn.
02:41:56.000 So he rides off.
02:41:58.000 They got upset.
02:41:59.000 The smaller guy rides off on his bike.
02:42:02.000 He's also the one that used the N-word.
02:42:05.000 And he turns around and starts heading back down the road.
02:42:09.000 It seems like they planned this out.
02:42:11.000 Oh, I think it's planned.
02:42:12.000 He's coming back!
02:42:13.000 He's coming back!
02:42:15.000 Ghost rides the bike.
02:42:17.000 Punches him.
02:42:18.000 Punches him.
02:42:20.000 Chases the bike.
02:42:21.000 And then jumps back on.
02:42:22.000 He just falls down!
02:42:25.000 Either way.
02:42:26.000 That's an eight-year-old world star.
02:42:28.000 Yeah.
02:42:28.000 That's what that is.
02:42:29.000 That's a world star when you can't knock people out yet.
02:42:31.000 Yeah.
02:42:32.000 If you punch people, they don't get desperately hurt like they do in the other videos.
02:42:35.000 They just get mildly annoyed.
02:42:36.000 Yeah.
02:42:36.000 Part of it's more fucked up because they're eight, but part of it's way better because they can't do as much damage.
02:42:42.000 Right.
02:42:43.000 But part of you knows they'll be doing that at 80. Of course.
02:42:47.000 Of course.
02:42:48.000 If they can stick in that neighborhood, if they can stick it out, they'll be doing something way worse.
02:42:52.000 That guy will be in a way better video 10 years from now.
02:42:55.000 With a better bike, too.
02:42:56.000 It's going to be like solar powered.
02:42:58.000 You think so?
02:42:59.000 I don't know.
02:43:00.000 Dude, I saw a bike at a bike shop the other day where it was a vintage bike.
02:43:03.000 Do you know the people who are into vintage bikes?
02:43:04.000 Sure.
02:43:05.000 It is an old piece of shit bike, and it was $5,000.
02:43:09.000 I believe it.
02:43:10.000 What bike shop was this?
02:43:10.000 It was just a regular bike shop.
02:43:12.000 I went in to get something for my kids, getting little kid bikes, and they had a vintage bike.
02:43:18.000 And it was an ugly piece of shit.
02:43:20.000 It had like rust.
02:43:21.000 It was coming through the chrome.
02:43:23.000 The seat was kind of fucked up.
02:43:25.000 And the guy was like, it's all original parts.
02:43:27.000 I was like, what?
02:43:28.000 Right.
02:43:29.000 I go, how much is this?
02:43:30.000 The guy was like, $5,000.
02:43:32.000 It's a classic.
02:43:32.000 This is worth something?
02:43:35.000 Can I ride this?
02:43:36.000 No, no, no.
02:43:37.000 This isn't a car.
02:43:37.000 Like, they're trying to do the same shit that they do with, like, old cars.
02:43:41.000 Like, if you buy a 55 Chevrolet, you go, whoa, original dash.
02:43:44.000 Yeah.
02:43:44.000 This is amazing.
02:43:46.000 But a bike?
02:43:47.000 A bike from that era?
02:43:48.000 Oh my god, that's worthless.
02:43:50.000 There's a whole bike culture that we're just not into.
02:43:53.000 I guess.
02:43:53.000 These guys, they're just all about their bikes.
02:43:56.000 Brooklyn is insane.
02:43:57.000 Really?
02:43:58.000 Brooklyn, New York, everyone's got a bike.
02:44:00.000 Really?
02:44:00.000 It's insanity.
02:44:02.000 Do they steal bikes?
02:44:03.000 No, there's like these expensive bike shops and there's all these bike paths, especially in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
02:44:09.000 It's like a fucking scene and all these guys are into it.
02:44:12.000 Really?
02:44:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:44:13.000 It's a hipster thing?
02:44:14.000 It's a hipster thing.
02:44:16.000 Well, that's a good thing for hipsters to be involved with.
02:44:18.000 At least it's going to get them outside.
02:44:19.000 Yeah.
02:44:20.000 You know?
02:44:21.000 Get the hipsters exercised.
02:44:22.000 I'm looking at bikes right now because I leave my bike outside and the weather has just destroyed my bike.
02:44:27.000 You're looking at bikes to the actual ride or to just sit there and take pictures of it?
02:44:31.000 No, no, it's a ride.
02:44:32.000 I like riding bikes, especially around Burbank because there's a lot of weird paths.
02:44:35.000 You know, go to the cemetery where Michael Jackson is all around there.
02:44:38.000 That'd be great for you, dude.
02:44:40.000 Ride bikes.
02:44:40.000 It's healthy.
02:44:41.000 Yeah, I knew a dude who rode a bike to jiu-jitsu every night, and then he rode home.
02:44:46.000 He would ride the bike, train, and then ride home.
02:44:49.000 And I was like, that's got to be a lot of work.
02:44:51.000 He's like, yep, but it gets you in incredible shape.
02:44:53.000 You get used to pumping, but I also think it's like the worst time to be breathing heavy when you're around brake fumes.
02:45:00.000 Yeah, I heard it's not that good.
02:45:02.000 Dust and...
02:45:03.000 I heard it's actually kind of bad for you to do cardio next to the...
02:45:07.000 Traffic?
02:45:07.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:45:08.000 Yeah, and it's not like you could take that bike through the fucking woods.
02:45:11.000 You can't.
02:45:12.000 Not really.
02:45:13.000 Mountain bike.
02:45:13.000 It's terrifying riding a bike around L.A., though.
02:45:15.000 Fuck yeah, it is.
02:45:16.000 People are texting and shit.
02:45:17.000 Yeah.
02:45:18.000 Not in Burbank.
02:45:19.000 Burbank's not even, like, L.A. Oh, nobody texts in Burbank.
02:45:21.000 They're not even people.
02:45:22.000 No, but there's, like, no traffic in my neighborhood.
02:45:24.000 It's the influence of The Tonight Show.
02:45:26.000 There's something about the way Jay Leno ran that room.
02:45:28.000 Right.
02:45:29.000 For all that area, it's, like, super safe to drive.
02:45:31.000 Did you hear that book that's coming out all about Jay Leno's past guests, like all these weird things that happened, like how when Jessica Simpson was on, she demanded a $15,000 haircut before she got on, like all these weird demands.
02:45:47.000 Oh, weird things that people demanded?
02:45:49.000 Yeah.
02:45:49.000 I would bet there's a lot of that prima donna shit.
02:45:52.000 That went on.
02:45:53.000 I heard Jessica Simpson did like 30 takes on The Tonight Show one time.
02:45:57.000 30 takes of a song?
02:45:58.000 They just kept going, kept going, and they planned on editing the shit out of it.
02:46:01.000 Was it a song?
02:46:02.000 Uh, yeah.
02:46:03.000 Is that back what you're saying?
02:46:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:46:04.000 Remember when her and her husband, J-Row, producer, reveals A-list guest's most outrageous demands?
02:46:10.000 Oh, Jesus.
02:46:11.000 Behind the curtain, Michael Moore.
02:46:12.000 Oh, it's a guy who did it.
02:46:14.000 Michael Moore.
02:46:15.000 Yeah, he was the producer.
02:46:16.000 Michael Moore threatened not to go on just before the show taped unless the producers agreed to air his homemade video.
02:46:21.000 He had us over a barrel and admits that he caved in but didn't invite more back.
02:46:26.000 Huh.
02:46:28.000 Wonder what that was about.
02:46:30.000 Quentin Tarantino was drunk as fuck.
02:46:33.000 What's wrong with that?
02:46:34.000 They sent Bill Clinton a $12,000 custom bike after his 2004 heart surgery.
02:46:40.000 Clinton kept the bike but never made his appearance.
02:46:42.000 How old was the bike?
02:46:43.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
02:46:44.000 Sarah Palin asked for a private jet to fly her from Alaska to Burbank for her 2010 appearance.
02:46:50.000 It cost $35,000 and they gave it to her.
02:46:53.000 Oh my God.
02:46:54.000 Well, that was probably a scoop back then to get her.
02:46:57.000 2010 when they first announced that she was running for president.
02:47:00.000 So if 2010 was when they first announced it for the 2012 elections, that means that right now we're about on target, right?
02:47:07.000 It's 2014, so this year is when we're going to start seeing the real election rumblings.
02:47:13.000 Into next year.
02:47:14.000 Yeah.
02:47:15.000 Who's going to run for president?
02:47:17.000 I don't know.
02:47:18.000 Are we out of bushes?
02:47:19.000 We're out of bushes, right?
02:47:20.000 We got a Jeb.
02:47:21.000 Yeah, we got a Jeb.
02:47:22.000 And he's been quiet.
02:47:23.000 He can secretly sneak in.
02:47:26.000 Silently, stealthily sneak in.
02:47:29.000 Right?
02:47:30.000 Probably.
02:47:31.000 I'm voting for Roseanne.
02:47:32.000 Roseanne Barr?
02:47:33.000 She voted?
02:47:34.000 I think she did last time.
02:47:35.000 She believes in chemtrails, but I love her.
02:47:36.000 Oh.
02:47:37.000 I don't know if she does anymore.
02:47:38.000 I listened to that episode.
02:47:40.000 I explained it to her.
02:47:40.000 I hope she listened.
02:47:42.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:47:42.000 She totally believed in it.
02:47:44.000 Yeah.
02:47:45.000 So did Crash.
02:47:46.000 Crash from the float lab yesterday.
02:47:47.000 Yeah.
02:47:47.000 He's big on chemtrails, too.
02:47:49.000 Huh.
02:47:49.000 Chemtrails.
02:47:50.000 I see them in the sky.
02:47:51.000 That's what they always say.
02:47:52.000 I see them.
02:47:53.000 I see them.
02:47:55.000 That's because they're there.
02:47:56.000 Excellent point.
02:47:58.000 Who else is running?
02:47:59.000 They got that Ted Cruz guy, right?
02:48:02.000 He's a Republican that gets talked about a lot.
02:48:05.000 There's Hillary Clinton who just fucked up because she tried to say that they were dead broke.
02:48:09.000 She was trying to make a ploy to poverty saying that when Bill got out of office they were dead broke.
02:48:14.000 Oh yeah.
02:48:15.000 She should have never said that.
02:48:17.000 First of all, because they made a lot of money during the presidency, and on top of that, they also had tremendous money coming in right afterwards.
02:48:25.000 He's made over $100 million just in speaking.
02:48:27.000 Right.
02:48:28.000 Just speaking.
02:48:29.000 Right.
02:48:29.000 From then until now, and then writing books and all that other jazz.
02:48:32.000 Yeah.
02:48:33.000 For her to say, we were dead broke, for her to bitch in this fucked up, wacky economy where people can't get jobs.
02:48:39.000 Like, everybody knows you're rich.
02:48:40.000 What are you, crazy?
02:48:41.000 You're really talking about the time we were, oh, we were dead broke when Bill got out of office.
02:48:46.000 For a whole hour.
02:48:48.000 Until the first check came in.
02:48:50.000 Until he did his first one hour speech for $189,000 for 40 minutes of talking.
02:48:56.000 We're doing fine after that.
02:48:57.000 It seemed to be okay.
02:48:59.000 Everything was going to be alright.
02:49:00.000 First year, he made about $80 million and wrote a book.
02:49:04.000 They got money fucking coming out of their asshole.
02:49:06.000 Like, what are you talking about?
02:49:09.000 When you're a guy like Bill Clinton, people will always pay to hear you talk.
02:49:12.000 Yeah.
02:49:13.000 That's what they do.
02:49:14.000 That's the lecture circuit.
02:49:15.000 They'll show up at universities.
02:49:17.000 Universities have fuckloads of money when it comes to things like that.
02:49:22.000 Think about how many people go to a major university and pay $20,000 or whatever it is for tuition.
02:49:28.000 That's a sizable chunk they give to a president.
02:49:31.000 Absolutely.
02:49:32.000 I mean, I know if you can make a lot doing comedy, I know you can make an awful real lot doing fucking, if you're a former president.
02:49:39.000 My wife went to see Giuliani speak once when he came to UCLA. It was like post September 11th.
02:49:48.000 It must have been Waypost because it wasn't that long ago.
02:49:51.000 Whatever it was, she said it was like the most boring fucking thing she'd ever seen in her life.
02:49:56.000 She couldn't believe that anybody would pay to see it.
02:49:58.000 It was like there was no passion to it.
02:50:00.000 It was numb.
02:50:01.000 It was just saying nothing.
02:50:03.000 And he just spoke for an hour?
02:50:05.000 Was there any topic specified?
02:50:07.000 I think they always have topics.
02:50:09.000 Maybe he had a book out or something like that.
02:50:11.000 They go on a lecture tour and they just spit it out with no...
02:50:17.000 Can you imagine public speaking without the pressure of...
02:50:21.000 Meeting to get laughs.
02:50:23.000 Well then, the problem is, public speaking without laughs is usually pretty shitty.
02:50:27.000 Yeah.
02:50:27.000 Even, like, a lot of these guys that do lectures, they tell fucking jokes.
02:50:31.000 Yeah, even TED Talks.
02:50:32.000 Because they know.
02:50:32.000 They know.
02:50:32.000 Yeah.
02:50:33.000 Like, you ever listen to TED Talks?
02:50:35.000 Uh, no.
02:50:36.000 Those TED, you know those things?
02:50:38.000 Online, those science talks?
02:50:40.000 Uh-huh.
02:50:40.000 Where they discuss...
02:50:41.000 You've never...
02:50:42.000 I don't think I've ever seen one, no.
02:50:43.000 But they have jokes in them, right?
02:50:44.000 Oh, dude, you're missing out.
02:50:44.000 Yeah, people always have humor.
02:50:46.000 Right.
02:50:46.000 They always break things up with humor.
02:50:47.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:50:48.000 You're missing out, bro.
02:50:49.000 You don't know about the TED? I'll get on it.
02:50:51.000 It's kind of culty.
02:50:52.000 I'm off tour, dude.
02:50:52.000 I'll get on it.
02:50:53.000 I got free time.
02:50:53.000 They're very culty, apparently.
02:50:55.000 Oh, yeah?
02:50:55.000 Yeah.
02:50:56.000 Yeah.
02:50:57.000 How so?
02:50:57.000 Well, they want everybody who's speaking to sleep together in the same room.
02:51:02.000 Yeah.
02:51:02.000 Like, you would have to share a room.
02:51:03.000 Like, say, if you and I were speaking, we'd have to share a hotel room together.
02:51:06.000 Okay.
02:51:06.000 Because they wanted people to get to know each other.
02:51:08.000 Oh, okay.
02:51:08.000 They wanted to forcibly...
02:51:09.000 Like, people with money.
02:51:11.000 Like, Eddie Wong, who's a famous chef from New York, was speaking at a TED conference.
02:51:15.000 They wouldn't let him get his own hotel room.
02:51:16.000 They made him stay.
02:51:17.000 And they got mad at him when he came here to do our podcast instead of stay and meet with all these other people.
02:51:24.000 Because they have this TED thing, and when they have the TED thing, they meet.
02:51:26.000 You have a bunch of TED fellows, people who pay for TED memberships, and they come to these things.
02:51:31.000 They want you to go to events and be there to talk with them and meet with them.
02:51:34.000 Huh.
02:51:35.000 It gets super weird.
02:51:37.000 Right.
02:51:37.000 It's super controlling, and not just from one person.
02:51:41.000 We've heard that from a bunch of people.
02:51:42.000 They censored Sarah Silverman.
02:51:44.000 They pulled her talk on there.
02:51:46.000 Yeah, because she was doing what she does, being a fucking comedian.
02:51:49.000 Right.
02:51:50.000 She was telling jokes and being funny.
02:51:52.000 Yeah.
02:51:52.000 And they're like, disrespectful.
02:51:54.000 They censored Graham Hancock.
02:51:56.000 They pulled his thing down, too.
02:51:58.000 They invited him to go on, and he came on, and he told this interesting story about psychedelics, and they got upset and censored it, and because they censored it, it got way more attention.
02:52:09.000 It became hugely popular online.
02:52:12.000 Hundreds of thousands of hits after that.
02:52:15.000 And replayed on a bunch of different YouTube sites, too, because people were scared they were going to try to pull it down.
02:52:20.000 Right.
02:52:20.000 So it's, like, really good videos that are kind of shady?
02:52:25.000 Some of them are great.
02:52:26.000 The way they run it, or what?
02:52:28.000 Look, the business is kind of shady.
02:52:30.000 Right.
02:52:30.000 The business is weird.
02:52:31.000 I mean, what's shady is, first of all, pulling things down.
02:52:35.000 Like, they were pulling it down for the Graham Hancock one.
02:52:38.000 Like, he made a very...
02:52:41.000 Very detailed argument against pulling it down, and he demanded to know, like, what about what I'm saying is pseudoscientific?
02:52:48.000 Please explain.
02:52:48.000 If you're so concerned that you pulled down, like, these are real things.
02:52:53.000 Like, talking about ayahuasca, these are real beneficial things that people can experience.
02:52:57.000 The science behind the experience is real.
02:53:00.000 The history behind the experience is real and documented.
02:53:01.000 Whether you forward it against it, it's very interesting.
02:53:03.000 And it's his theory.
02:53:05.000 These are his theories about...
02:53:07.000 You know, knowledge being gained from taking these psychedelics.
02:53:12.000 But they pulled him down.
02:53:14.000 But the Eddie Wong thing is more disturbing to me.
02:53:16.000 That they told him that they...
02:53:17.000 Well, not more disturbing, but almost more disturbing because they made him sleep with another person in a room together.
02:53:24.000 I think that's strange.
02:53:25.000 I don't like that.
02:53:26.000 Who the fuck are you?
02:53:27.000 That I don't care for.
02:53:28.000 We're grown adults here.
02:53:29.000 Get my own room.
02:53:32.000 It's one thing if you didn't have the budget, but if you wanted to pay, but you're like, no, I want you to team up with this guy.
02:53:37.000 He's a nuclear waste detector guy from Yugoslavia who's giving a speech.
02:53:44.000 No, I don't hear this guy fart and fucking snore next to me.
02:53:48.000 This is stupid.
02:53:49.000 I like privacy.
02:53:50.000 That's like a physical thing when you go up and have to make a speech.
02:53:53.000 You want a little bit of relaxation, a little bit of privacy beforehand.
02:53:56.000 Yeah, before we leave, Graham Hancock put this on his Twitter today, and I retweeted it.
02:54:01.000 Magic potion discovered with potential to end all wars.
02:54:05.000 It's only a minute and a half, but it's a YouTube clip about when they dosed soldiers up in the 1950s with LSD. Have you ever seen that video?
02:54:15.000 No, I've never seen the video, but I've heard about this.
02:54:17.000 Oh, it's classic.
02:54:18.000 Pull it up, Brian, and we'll wrap this bitch up, and we'll go home with this, because it's kind of hilarious.
02:54:23.000 It's hilarious that, uh...
02:54:25.000 I don't know what year this was that they did this.
02:54:28.000 The drug was administered in a drink of water given at the start of each day's exercise.
02:54:31.000 Was this the housewife?
02:54:33.000 No.
02:54:34.000 Soldiers.
02:54:35.000 25 minutes later, the first effects of the drug became apparent.
02:54:39.000 The men began to relax and to giggle.
02:54:41.000 But this man was more seriously affected and had to be removed from the exercise.
02:54:46.000 After 35 minutes, one of the radio operators had become incapable of using his set, and the efficiency of the rocket launcher team was also very impaired.
02:54:57.000 Dead rocket launchers on acid!
02:54:58.000 A few minutes later, the attacking section had lost all sense of urgency.
02:55:02.000 Notice the bunching and indecision as they enter a wood occupied by the enemy.
02:55:07.000 Almost immediately, the section commander tried to use a map to find the location of troop headquarters, and a prisoner's escort had to have the way pointed out to him, although it was in plain sight 700 yards away over open country.
02:55:21.000 Fifty minutes after taking the drug, radio communication had become difficult, if not impossible, but the men are still capable of sustained physical effort.
02:55:30.000 However, constructive action was still attempted by those retaining a sense of responsibility in spite of physical symptoms.
02:55:37.000 But one hour and ten minutes after taking the drug, with one man climbing a tree to feed the birds, the troop commander gave up, admitting that he could no longer control himself or his men.
02:55:52.000 Wow.
02:55:52.000 And they're all laughing and giggling and shit.
02:55:55.000 He himself then relapsed into laughter.
02:56:00.000 Wow, they had all those weapons.
02:56:02.000 Yeah, weapons on acid.
02:56:04.000 They didn't know about acid back then, Full Charge.
02:56:06.000 They didn't know.
02:56:07.000 They didn't know.
02:56:08.000 And they didn't know about the Full Charge.
02:56:09.000 That's for sure.
02:56:10.000 You can follow the Full Charge on Twitter, and you should, and you will.
02:56:14.000 It is the Full Charge.
02:56:15.000 It's that simple.
02:56:16.000 And if you want to fucking get crazy and spell his name, it's F-U-L-C-H Iron.
02:56:23.000 Like iron, like the metal.
02:56:25.000 I-R-O-N. Matt Fultron.
02:56:28.000 Thank you for having me, man.
02:56:29.000 It was great, brother.
02:56:29.000 Thank you.
02:56:53.000 And save 10% off any and all supplements.
02:56:56.000 Alright, we'll be back next week.
02:56:57.000 Enjoy your weekend.
02:56:58.000 If I see you fuckers in Vegas for the UFC, say hi.
02:57:02.000 And much love.
02:57:03.000 Big kiss.