The Joe Rogan Experience - July 17, 2014


Joe Rogan Experience #523 - Jim Norton


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 41 minutes

Words per Minute

207.13063

Word Count

33,531

Sentence Count

3,290

Misogynist Sentences

130

Hate Speech Sentences

87


Summary

In this episode of the podcast, we talk about the new delivery service, Blue Apron, and Ting. Also, we discuss the new Samsung Galaxy S4, the new iPhone 5, and the Samsung Galaxy Note 3. We also talk about Ting, a mobile service provider that uses the Sprint backbone and does it all by the Sprint Backbone, no early termination fees, no cancellation fees, and no overage fees. We also discuss how you can save a ton of money on your phone bill by using Ting and the amazing deals they have on their service. You can get an LG Optimus for $42, and it's yours. You own that fucker. You're done with your phone. It's yours! And when you buy a phone from Ting you own that shit too. You don't even have to use an email address anymore. You can buy an Android phone from them too. They have the top-of-the-range Galaxy S5 for $72, and they have the Galaxy Note 4 for $76. And you can get one of those flip phones like a Samsung Galaxy s4 for $74. And they have a Galaxy Note3 for $331. And it's your. You even get the top of the line Android phone you want. And you don't have to even use an e-mail address to order it. We're talking about that! We'll talk about that, too. This episode is brought to you by our new sponsor, BLUE APRON. BLUERAPON. BLUE Apron is a way to get food delivered to your house delivered straight to your door, and you won't even need to go out to the grocery store to pick it up. BLUE APPLE PODCAST! It's cheap, fast, fresh, and easy to cook and you don t have to pay a dime to get your first meal delivered to you, you can cook it at your house. it's all delivered in your house, you get it at home, you just pay for it in the rest of your local grocery store, and get it delivered in the same time and you get free of charge, you're not going to your local store, it's going to get it all the same thing you pay for the same service, you'll get it in a bag, it'll get the same quality and everything you need to keep it in your local delivery, no postage, no extra shipping, no shipping charges, no frills, no delivery, and all that kind of thing.


Transcript

00:00:04.000 What?
00:00:04.000 What was that?
00:00:05.000 Hey, hey.
00:00:07.000 How's everybody doing?
00:00:08.000 What the fuck's going on?
00:00:08.000 This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Blue Apron.
00:00:12.000 Blue Apron is our newest sponsor and it's a very exciting one.
00:00:16.000 Blue Apron is a way that you can get food delivered to your house with recipes to cook.
00:00:22.000 All the fresh ingredients...
00:00:39.000 It's awesome.
00:00:40.000 I've tried it a couple of times now.
00:00:42.000 It's great.
00:00:46.000 Which is pretty low for how delicious they are.
00:00:49.000 And there's a bunch of different options, too.
00:00:51.000 You can get a bunch of different things that Blue Apron provides, like I'll read you off a list of stuff.
00:00:56.000 Asparagus and spring onion tart, beet and barley risotto, orange glazed chicken drumsticks.
00:01:02.000 And it's kind of cool because you do it all yourself.
00:01:05.000 It's like a little project.
00:01:08.000 Moroccan beef tangine.
00:01:10.000 I hope I'm saying that right.
00:01:11.000 Five spice hanger steaks.
00:01:12.000 Like, really good food.
00:01:14.000 And you don't have to do any of the shopping.
00:01:16.000 You don't have to do any of the nonsense.
00:01:17.000 It's all delivered to your house.
00:01:19.000 It's fucking kick-ass.
00:01:20.000 I really enjoy this.
00:01:21.000 I'm gonna cook some of this shit up tonight, too.
00:01:24.000 End the stress of cooking, ladies and gentlemen.
00:01:26.000 Go to blueapron.com slash rogan and get your first two meals for free.
00:01:31.000 That's right.
00:01:32.000 Two meals for just going to blueapron.com slash rogan.
00:01:37.000 You'll cook incredible meals and be blown away by the quality and the freshness.
00:01:41.000 Blue Apron.
00:01:42.000 Fast, fresh, and affordable.
00:01:44.000 I'm very happy with this product.
00:01:45.000 I think it's an excellent idea.
00:02:04.000 What was that?
00:02:08.000 Hmm, interesting.
00:02:09.000 Anyway, cooking's a pain in the dick, and this takes a lot of the pain out of it.
00:02:13.000 Go to blueapron.com slash rogan and get your first two meals for free, ladies and gentlemen.
00:02:19.000 We're also brought to you by Ting.
00:02:21.000 Ting is a mobile service provider that uses the Sprint Backbone.
00:02:25.000 What they do is they rent time in the Sprint Backbone, but they do it all by their rules.
00:02:29.000 No early termination fees.
00:02:31.000 No cancellation fees.
00:02:33.000 You know how you pay overage fees?
00:02:35.000 They cut all that stupid shit out.
00:02:37.000 Most times you get 120 minutes per month.
00:02:41.000 Well, if you don't use the 120 minutes per month, what happens?
00:02:44.000 They don't give you any money back.
00:02:45.000 And if you use it over 120 minutes per month, you get penalized.
00:02:49.000 Well, Ting cut all that nonsense out, and what they do is they just charge you for what you use.
00:02:55.000 That's it.
00:02:55.000 And that's how it should be.
00:02:56.000 And if you're a heavy user, you can save a fuckload of money that way.
00:03:00.000 They've also slashed their prices.
00:03:02.000 They did it at the two-year mark when they celebrated their two-year anniversary for no reason other than just they could.
00:03:08.000 They got better deals.
00:03:09.000 They said, you know, we're going to pass these deals on to the customers.
00:03:11.000 98% of people would save money on Ting.
00:03:14.000 Especially people who are power users.
00:03:17.000 If you're online sending dick pics all throughout the land, if you're one of those motherfuckers, Ting is your...
00:03:22.000 Jim Norton, I'm looking at you.
00:03:23.000 Jim...
00:03:24.000 What?
00:03:25.000 Ting is your mobile service provider, ladies and gentlemen.
00:03:27.000 $21 is the average monthly bill per device for Ting customers.
00:03:32.000 And they have some kick-ass phones.
00:03:34.000 Also, when you buy a phone from Ting, you own that shit.
00:03:37.000 And you can get some cheap-ass phones, too.
00:03:40.000 You can get an LG Optimus for $42, and it's done.
00:03:43.000 It's yours.
00:03:44.000 You own that fucker.
00:03:45.000 You can get flip phones.
00:03:47.000 They have a Samsung M400, if you're one of those contrarian assholes that likes those flip phones.
00:03:52.000 I don't even use email, man.
00:03:54.000 Those fuckheads?
00:03:55.000 You can get one of those for $72.
00:03:58.000 Or you can get the top-of-the-line Android phones like the Samsung Galaxy S5. They have that.
00:04:05.000 If you're kind of a little bit of a cheapskate, you can get the Samsung Galaxy S4. Be one of those guys.
00:04:11.000 You can get the HTC One M8. They have that.
00:04:15.000 They have the Galaxy Note 3. They have a lot of killer Android phones, including iPhone 5 for just $331.
00:04:24.000 Come on, folks.
00:04:25.000 How are you going to go wrong there?
00:04:26.000 It's an awesome company with great ethics behind it and nothing but positive feedback from all of the customers.
00:04:33.000 Everybody that's used Ting that I've referred to has said they've saved money, they really enjoy the service, they enjoy the company, and it's a good relationship.
00:04:41.000 They like the relationship that they get.
00:04:44.000 When a company feels like they're giving you a good deal, it feels good to be involved with them.
00:04:49.000 And that's how I feel about Ting.
00:04:50.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and get $25 off of your first Android device.
00:04:58.000 That is the official...
00:05:00.000 I'm a cell phone provider of this podcast.
00:05:02.000 It's what I use for the show.
00:05:05.000 When I give the number out to people and people call in and when we set things up, everything is done through the Ting phone.
00:05:11.000 Love it.
00:05:12.000 Love it, love it, love it.
00:05:13.000 Rogan.ting.com.
00:05:14.000 Save yourself $25.
00:05:15.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.
00:05:17.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. A human optimization website.
00:05:21.000 We sell strength and conditioning equipment.
00:05:23.000 We sell supplements.
00:05:24.000 We sell foods.
00:05:26.000 Foods?
00:05:26.000 What kind of food?
00:05:27.000 Why, God, googly moogly?
00:05:30.000 We have now, we just started carrying Onnit Coffee.
00:05:33.000 This is made for us by Caveman Coffee.
00:05:36.000 It is a single estate coffee, which means it's made and produced in one place and then sold to us.
00:05:44.000 They roast it, they pick it, they do the whole jammy.
00:05:47.000 And Caveman Coffee, which is owned by our buddy Tate Fletcher and Keith Jardine.
00:05:51.000 Two excellent human beings.
00:05:53.000 And we have our own blend.
00:05:55.000 It's a Colombian amber blend.
00:05:58.000 Handcrafted by Caveman Coffee.
00:06:00.000 Handcrafted.
00:06:00.000 A term I fucking deeply despise.
00:06:02.000 I'm getting really sick of seeing handcrafted beverages.
00:06:07.000 You know, like handcrafted cocktails.
00:06:09.000 A handcrafted burger.
00:06:10.000 Fuck you.
00:06:11.000 Just shut up with your handcrafted.
00:06:13.000 Anyway.
00:06:14.000 Our handcrafted coffee is awesome.
00:06:16.000 Did I mention that?
00:06:17.000 Go to Onnit.com.
00:06:18.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Get yourself some kettlebells.
00:06:21.000 Get yourself in shape.
00:06:22.000 And use the code word ROGAN. Save 10% off any and all supplements.
00:06:26.000 Why fuck around, ladies and gentlemen.
00:06:28.000 Young Jim Norton is here.
00:06:30.000 And we're going to get down to the nitty gritty.
00:06:32.000 Gritty gritty.
00:06:32.000 Gritty gritty.
00:06:34.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.
00:06:36.000 Check it out.
00:06:37.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:06:39.000 Train by day.
00:06:40.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.
00:06:42.000 All day.
00:06:45.000 What a week young Jim Norton has had.
00:06:47.000 What a week.
00:06:49.000 Yes.
00:06:49.000 What a week serious satellite radio has had.
00:06:51.000 What a week censorship has had.
00:06:54.000 What a week Anthony Cumia has had.
00:06:57.000 What a week all the people online that love to bitch and piss and moan and complain and get very excited when something fucked up goes down.
00:07:05.000 Yeah.
00:07:05.000 Well, something fucked up went down.
00:07:07.000 If you're listening to this, if it's sometime in the future, because these We're good to go.
00:07:26.000 He was downtown in New York, taking some photographs, and from there on, it's a bunch of what he says, and I'm sure the woman who beat the shit out of him would have a different story, but he was taking some photographs.
00:07:40.000 One of the photographs was of this, what are those things called?
00:07:46.000 Hooker scaffolding?
00:07:48.000 Scaffolding.
00:07:48.000 He was walking through the scaffolding.
00:07:49.000 A woman was coming towards him.
00:07:51.000 It looked like he was just taking a bunch of cool photos of New York.
00:07:54.000 There's a bunch of them that he put up on his Instagram.
00:07:56.000 Anyway, this woman got upset that he was taking a photo of her.
00:08:00.000 Probably thought that he was perving.
00:08:02.000 Got mad at him.
00:08:03.000 Violence ensued.
00:08:04.000 She hit him.
00:08:05.000 And he went on Twitter and went on this rant about violence, about the black community and their propensity for violence, about this woman calling her an animal, which she did.
00:08:17.000 And Sirius fired him, which left a fucking huge hole in my entertainment world.
00:08:24.000 The Opie and Anthony show is my all-time favorite radio show.
00:08:26.000 I listen to it all the time.
00:08:28.000 And now, all of a sudden, it is no more.
00:08:31.000 Yeah, it's a huge hole too.
00:08:34.000 No one panicked like me because Opie and Anthony both have kind of fuck you money.
00:08:38.000 Jim Norton doesn't.
00:08:39.000 So selfishly thinking, I'm like, well, there goes everything because the show's done.
00:08:43.000 Well, you're always going to be great because you're a funny comic and you can always work and you never have to worry about that.
00:08:49.000 But it is a crazy thing that all of a sudden, like that, For things that he said on the show a hundred times.
00:08:59.000 I think what happened was he tweeted...
00:09:02.000 I talked to him multiple times since then.
00:09:06.000 He was walking...
00:09:06.000 And people don't believe that he was actually taking legitimate New York photos.
00:09:09.000 That was one of the points of contention.
00:09:11.000 He was being creepy, but he really wasn't.
00:09:13.000 Anthony has had this giant...
00:09:18.000 We're good to go.
00:09:23.000 We're good to go.
00:09:37.000 And he kept defending himself, and as he's putting his arms up, she is going, don't touch me!
00:09:43.000 Like, you know that thing that a woman might do to prevent you from hitting her?
00:09:47.000 And you could see how frightening that would be, because then people think you're beating on this woman.
00:09:51.000 Right.
00:09:52.000 So he's putting his hand up, and you know, I know Ant well enough to know he's not going to just punch a woman in the face.
00:09:57.000 So she's doing that, and I think a few black guys came around, and they didn't do anything to Ant, but they were like, you know, don't touch her.
00:10:03.000 So, you know, Ann, who is always armed and he's licensed to carry, didn't hit her.
00:10:08.000 He didn't pull out his pistol and went home and I guess was really upset and went out on, like you said, a Twitter rampage.
00:10:18.000 And I knew it was bad the next morning when I saw it because my ex-girlfriend called me and she's like, what happened with Anthony?
00:10:26.000 He got beat up by a woman?
00:10:27.000 I'm like, I don't know.
00:10:28.000 So I looked.
00:10:29.000 And I saw the tweets.
00:10:30.000 I'm like, oh.
00:10:31.000 I actually texted him about one.
00:10:32.000 I don't think I've ever done that before.
00:10:33.000 There was one that I texted him about.
00:10:34.000 I'm like, is that...
00:10:35.000 You alright, man?
00:10:36.000 Is that...
00:10:36.000 He's like, yeah, I'm fine.
00:10:37.000 I'm like, okay.
00:10:39.000 It was scary.
00:10:39.000 Wow.
00:10:41.000 Yeah, the thing about Ant is he's developed this sort of style of communicating on the show, where he goes on these long, hilarious, entertaining, profanity-filled rants.
00:10:57.000 And there's one thing about hearing it, but there's another thing of seeing it in a text form.
00:11:03.000 It's just not the same.
00:11:06.000 It looks – things don't look good in print, certain things.
00:11:09.000 And I think what happened was is in the middle of – like when you have a contextual conversation, it's like you have people, there's inflection, there's another guy next to you going, well, hey, what do you mean by that?
00:11:19.000 And then you're clarifying it or – it's just – it's a different – When you're tweeting and you're that mad...
00:11:25.000 Any type of an assault, even if it's a woman hitting you and it's not life-threatening, is still like an hour later.
00:11:32.000 You're like, what the fuck just happened?
00:11:34.000 I think it just freaked him out.
00:11:36.000 And she hit him a couple times.
00:11:37.000 Five times or so.
00:11:37.000 She sent me pictures of his face.
00:11:40.000 You could see that he had been struck.
00:11:41.000 He wasn't making it up.
00:11:43.000 And so he went on, and when I looked at the flow of things, like, I know Anthony, and I know what he's saying.
00:11:49.000 He was not calling all black people animals.
00:11:51.000 He wasn't, because he's never said that.
00:11:52.000 He's talking about a behavior of this woman, and I think that what happened was he was so mad, and when you're tweeting that aggressively, and you're just, you're fucking dealing with this in your head, that sometimes things come out jumbled and muddied, and, like, if you know Anthony, you know what he's saying.
00:12:06.000 People who don't know him are reading this going, what does he mean he's saying that there's violence in black people and their animal, like...
00:12:12.000 People are putting these pieces of a puzzle together and they're making a picture and it was like – I know him well enough to know that in a conversation, If someone said, are you trying to say black people are animals?
00:12:25.000 He would go, no, not at all.
00:12:26.000 It's a behavioral-based thing.
00:12:28.000 You know what I mean?
00:12:28.000 Because he said that about white people, too.
00:12:31.000 So, I mean, it was just one of those things where once it was in print, even in context, we lie as a country.
00:12:36.000 Like, you know, like when Council Colbert came out, the activist knew the context that he was making those Asian jokes in and didn't give a fuck.
00:12:43.000 She still wanted to sink him.
00:12:44.000 She's like, no, no, I get it.
00:12:46.000 He was trying to, you know, show the difference between the same thing between this and Native Americans and how ridiculous it is, but I don't care.
00:12:51.000 We've gotten to a point now where we don't even pretend to not understand the context anymore.
00:12:55.000 We admit that we understand the context and we go after people anyway.
00:12:59.000 Something like this is bound to sink you because it can be taken both ways unless you actually sit there and talk to the guy.
00:13:08.000 Each tweet has to come out like a film.
00:13:10.000 Each tweet has to be a beginning, middle, and end with no explanation needed around it in order to To be survivable, if that makes sense.
00:13:20.000 Well, you know what the big key to what you said?
00:13:23.000 That it could sink you.
00:13:24.000 Well, it only sinks you if you work for a company.
00:13:27.000 And in my opinion, that's unnecessary.
00:13:29.000 In this day and age, it's unnecessary.
00:13:32.000 And I think you guys, and I think Anthony for sure, would be far better off with a podcast.
00:13:39.000 We're good to go.
00:13:58.000 You know, it's just, it's so goddamn easy.
00:14:00.000 And I bet you could get all the same sponsors.
00:14:03.000 I bet you could get all the same sponsors and you would have no middleman.
00:14:07.000 And you know, look at the studio.
00:14:08.000 It doesn't take much to put something together.
00:14:10.000 You know, a little bit of time, a little bit of effort.
00:14:13.000 You know, you gotta know someone who's an engineer, know someone who knows how to put the stuff together and set up the microphones.
00:14:18.000 But other than that, what's the difference between this and satellite radio?
00:14:21.000 I'll tell you what the difference is.
00:14:23.000 Nobody can fucking fire you.
00:14:25.000 You can go on some cunt rampage, that fucking animal cunt, and no one, you know, people might say, I'm not downloading your podcast anymore.
00:14:33.000 But at least you have the opportunity to communicate, to explain yourself, and if the people decide that they don't like your character based on one thing that you said or one rant that you went on, that is their decision.
00:14:45.000 But it's not the decision of a company.
00:14:47.000 And when things get, you know, companies are squirrely, man.
00:14:50.000 They have fucking shareholders and stocks and they have responsibilities.
00:14:54.000 And all you need is a few slacktivists that start webpages.
00:14:59.000 And, you know, fire Anthony and Anthony Kumi.
00:15:01.000 We're going after those sponsors.
00:15:03.000 We're going to let them know.
00:15:04.000 We're boycotting.
00:15:05.000 Mostly just noise.
00:15:07.000 Mostly nonsense.
00:15:08.000 Mostly just soft targets.
00:15:09.000 Yep.
00:15:10.000 But all you need is a few of those and a company will panic.
00:15:14.000 What happens is it's a billion dollar company.
00:15:17.000 So you get guys like Scott and Jim who runs it.
00:15:22.000 The 4th of July weekend was coming.
00:15:24.000 And then all of a sudden they're getting phone calls from the New York Post and the Washington Post.
00:15:29.000 The press obviously has a narrative and they did a shit job.
00:15:32.000 But the Washington Post I thought was the worst offender with the way they covered it.
00:15:36.000 Because the woman wrote things that was just really revolting to read.
00:15:38.000 Which, right.
00:15:40.000 She was talking about Anthony saying that these guys came around, and she was saying like, you know, oh, well, I guess if a bunch of African-American, or however she said, a bunch of gentlemen want to defend someone from defaming an African-American woman, it's okay.
00:15:53.000 Like, that's what was happening.
00:15:54.000 She wasn't acknowledging that Anthony was being hit.
00:15:56.000 She acted like these guys had read his Twitter feed and not liked it.
00:15:59.000 It was just like she read the Twitter feed in the future.
00:16:02.000 In the future.
00:16:02.000 It was repulsive.
00:16:03.000 Well, a woman who looks like the fucking fake deaf interpreter from Mandela's funeral is beating on Anthony.
00:16:12.000 That's a meme.
00:16:14.000 That guy's a meme.
00:16:15.000 He's rules.
00:16:16.000 But the company, these guys just get, all of a sudden they're home and they're getting phone calls in the office the day before vacation.
00:16:21.000 So what are your comments?
00:16:22.000 And they probably weren't even that familiar with it until they're getting calls from the paper and they're like, what do we do with this?
00:16:27.000 And then this is what the press does and this is why you gotta hate it.
00:16:30.000 Because I think Sirius was gonna try to write it out.
00:16:32.000 That's my opinion because they knew a holiday weekend was coming and this is purely a guess because no one was saying anything.
00:16:39.000 And then all of a sudden the press starts going, we have not had a comment from Sirius Satellite Radio, so we're assuming that they agree with Mr. Koumiya's opinions.
00:16:46.000 They do this sneaky shit to push you into defending yourself.
00:16:50.000 So now the company with shareholders, like you said, has to go, well, how do we tell people that we don't agree?
00:16:56.000 It's not like the press made them do it, but the press understands how to corner you into giving a statement, a definitive statement, because they know that you're not used to this.
00:17:07.000 They know that these guys coming to work in management positions are not used to getting phone calls going, how do you feel about this statement and that statement?
00:17:15.000 It was really...
00:17:17.000 It was a very frustrating thing when I saw what the press did with it.
00:17:20.000 That, to me, is always who my biggest complaint is with.
00:17:22.000 Always.
00:17:23.000 It's with the press.
00:17:23.000 There's no nuance to the way they report on certain things like this.
00:17:28.000 Because there's nuance to this.
00:17:30.000 Especially if you look into it in character.
00:17:32.000 In context, rather.
00:17:33.000 If you understand that guy and you look at him...
00:17:36.000 Look, there is a problem with violence in the black community.
00:17:40.000 To pretend there's not a problem with violence in the black community...
00:17:44.000 Is to pretend that there are insane amounts of murders going on in Chicago.
00:17:48.000 To pretend that there's not issues with the amount of black people that are in jail, the percentage of the population.
00:17:54.000 Now, are those economic problems?
00:17:57.000 Are those problems related to upbringing?
00:18:00.000 Are those problems?
00:18:00.000 Yes.
00:18:01.000 Education?
00:18:01.000 Yes.
00:18:01.000 Absolutely.
00:18:02.000 There's a lot of fucking disparity.
00:18:03.000 There's a lot of problems with poverty.
00:18:05.000 There's a lot of problems with the structure of our culture itself.
00:18:08.000 And that you could attribute a lot of those problems to racism, to racism in the way that funds are allocated, the way that, you know, the attention that society puts on impoverished communities.
00:18:20.000 Absolutely.
00:18:20.000 Institutionalized.
00:18:21.000 Yes.
00:18:21.000 But to pretend that it's not a problem is ridiculous.
00:18:25.000 Right.
00:18:25.000 It's fucking ridiculous.
00:18:27.000 So when he's taking a picture of some chick and she starts punching him...
00:18:32.000 I think he's allowed to talk about the problem with violence with that community.
00:18:36.000 With the community that this person is from that's beating him up.
00:18:40.000 Did he do it the right way?
00:18:41.000 No.
00:18:42.000 Absolutely not.
00:18:43.000 Did he do it in a way that could be misconstrued or construed or interpreted as racist?
00:18:47.000 Absolutely did.
00:18:48.000 Yeah, he did.
00:18:49.000 He fucked up.
00:18:50.000 He did it the wrong way.
00:18:51.000 He probably shouldn't have done it on Twitter.
00:18:52.000 He probably should have made a video.
00:18:54.000 We probably should have made a video explaining, showing what happened to him, and explaining what goes on.
00:19:01.000 This 140 fucking characters thing is a big part of the problem.
00:19:06.000 Dude, that's exactly what it was.
00:19:08.000 Because Anthony is so good at clarifying.
00:19:11.000 Whenever you talk about race, or a million other things, whether it's religion, It's so hard to make your point without stepping in shit and then having to go off on 50 digressions.
00:19:23.000 Like, no, no, that's not what I meant.
00:19:23.000 No, no, that's not what I meant.
00:19:24.000 That's the worst part of discussing stuff is that people jump in on the side.
00:19:27.000 What are you saying that all people do, all black people?
00:19:30.000 No, I'm not.
00:19:31.000 So in order to be able to get your point across, you have to walk a narrow...
00:19:35.000 You almost have to close people's argument doors like a Get Smart episode as you're walking.
00:19:41.000 This way your point gets through.
00:19:43.000 And Anthony is a genius at doing that.
00:19:46.000 A genius at it.
00:19:48.000 Because we've debated race so many times on the show.
00:19:52.000 And him and Patrice would go back and forth.
00:19:54.000 And Patrice loved Anthony.
00:19:55.000 Because he said Anthony's an adorable racist.
00:19:57.000 Patrice was so funny with it.
00:19:58.000 He never was upset by Anthony's opinions.
00:20:01.000 Because Anthony would listen to him and they would go back and forth.
00:20:04.000 Half the time, Patrice was right and half the time, Anthony was right.
00:20:07.000 But on Twitter, I think in that emotion, when you're saying X, Y, and Z, I don't think he did as good a job as he should have done of closing those doors behind him.
00:20:18.000 Almost like sealing off things that people can get to you on because he was so upset because he had a physical assault.
00:20:25.000 And I know it sounds like I'm talking in circles and just defending my friend, but I've been with him for 10 years in this medium of totally uncensored.
00:20:33.000 And I'm telling you, I know him well enough to know that he's like, he's got weird things where he'll talk about race and people misinterpret him, and I've talked to him privately, and the guy does not hate black people, and I know that that's just all his friends defending him, but I'm telling you that he does not, because I know him well.
00:20:48.000 And then to hear people going, he hates black people, it's like...
00:20:51.000 He's just not afraid of being misconstrued or interpreted as racist.
00:20:56.000 He's not afraid of it.
00:20:57.000 By saying what he really believes is his opinion about certain aspects of a group.
00:21:02.000 Whatever.
00:21:03.000 Race, a gender, whatever it is.
00:21:05.000 He's not afraid of speaking his mind about things.
00:21:07.000 Because he's got that fuck you money.
00:21:09.000 That's a big part of it.
00:21:10.000 And he's got 150,000 guns.
00:21:12.000 Those are two things.
00:21:13.000 And you know, a big part of it that drove me fucking crazy is people are not...
00:21:18.000 They're not taking into account the reaction that someone has when they get assaulted.
00:21:22.000 Yes.
00:21:22.000 Because when you get hit by someone, some fucking stranger that you don't know hits you, especially when you've got a gun!
00:21:29.000 You've got a fucking bullet-launching gun.
00:21:33.000 You've got a thing inside you that has explosions.
00:21:37.000 You press a trigger, explosions propel bullets, and they end lives instantly.
00:21:43.000 And Anthony's an expert with one, and he has it on him at all times.
00:21:46.000 And he's getting hit!
00:21:48.000 And he's like, what the fuck?
00:21:50.000 And so he gets on like, fucking animal cunt, bitch, fuck you, this, that.
00:21:55.000 You know, getting hit is a very disturbing thing.
00:21:59.000 I mean, there's one thing to get hit in a sparring session is infuriating with people.
00:22:05.000 You know, I've seen people go fucking crazy because they get choked out in a jujitsu session.
00:22:10.000 Getting punched is way more traumatic.
00:22:12.000 Getting punched by a stranger multiple times for taking a fucking photograph.
00:22:17.000 I don't know what the exchange was between the two of them.
00:22:19.000 I don't know if he was saying something that was infuriating.
00:22:25.000 I wasn't there.
00:22:26.000 I'm not going to pretend I was there, but man, you've got to take into account the reaction that people have when you hit them.
00:22:32.000 And again, I hate to keep going back to the press, but they didn't focus on the fact He handled himself properly.
00:22:40.000 I don't know if I would have pulled the gun in that moment, but I'm a panicky Pete.
00:22:45.000 When other guys were coming over, I would have at least brandished it.
00:22:48.000 He acted physically responsible.
00:22:50.000 As a fucking guy with a pistol on him.
00:22:53.000 People get shot all the time for dumb arguments and dumb things.
00:22:58.000 He handled himself absolutely right and lost his cool once he got home.
00:23:03.000 And the press didn't take that into account.
00:23:06.000 They harped on the fact that he didn't get a police report.
00:23:08.000 And I wished he had now in hindsight because they're all going, Mr. Coombe, you did not get a police report.
00:23:13.000 But here's the deal.
00:23:13.000 Had he gotten a police report, they would have just ignored it.
00:23:16.000 They wouldn't have said, well, at least he got a police report.
00:23:19.000 They would have glanced over the fact and then said, yeah, well, anyone can get a police report.
00:23:22.000 So they were just using that as a reason to kind of ignore the fact that he got hit.
00:23:26.000 They're like, we didn't see a police report.
00:23:36.000 Yeah, especially if he's fine.
00:23:50.000 We're good to go.
00:24:08.000 They could be misinterpreted or they could be interpreted as being racist as well.
00:24:13.000 So they have to worry about that as well, especially if you're with a liberal rag.
00:24:17.000 You know, if you have a very liberal newspaper that you work for and they have a clear agenda, which a lot of them do.
00:24:22.000 The Washington Times does, right?
00:24:24.000 Washington Post does.
00:24:25.000 There's a lot of them that have a liberal slant.
00:24:28.000 And if you are reporting for them, you know, and it's something like this that's very controversial and something where there's a bunch of things that automatically have like a knee-jerk reaction to them.
00:24:38.000 And this is one of them.
00:24:40.000 Knee-jerk reaction to what's perceived as racist.
00:24:43.000 Yes, and another thing that they do that's even more enraging Right.
00:24:54.000 Right.
00:24:58.000 Right.
00:25:06.000 As they're going along, like it's legitimate.
00:25:09.000 Like NBC, and I'm not a Zimmerman fan either.
00:25:12.000 Ant was a big supporter of Zimmerman.
00:25:13.000 I thought Zimmerman should have went to jail for something.
00:25:16.000 I didn't know what.
00:25:17.000 Legally, I have no ground to stand on, but I kind of thought he was a cunt.
00:25:20.000 But not a guy who was out to commit a murder either.
00:25:23.000 I thought there was a line in between.
00:25:24.000 But whatever.
00:25:25.000 Like NBC edited that tape.
00:25:27.000 Like...
00:25:29.000 Can't do that.
00:25:29.000 There's no reason to do that unless you're pushing something.
00:25:33.000 But they're doing it under the guise of being impartial.
00:25:35.000 And I'm sure they've done it plenty of times to vilify blacks.
00:25:37.000 I'm not saying they haven't.
00:25:38.000 He lost that lawsuit, you know.
00:25:40.000 I know he did.
00:25:40.000 Crazy.
00:25:41.000 That's crazy.
00:25:42.000 It's absolutely nuts.
00:25:43.000 I don't know why.
00:25:43.000 The news has such a different level of what they can get away with and what they can do because they're seen as doing a public service.
00:25:49.000 In my opinion, though, I think they lost it because everybody was hating that guy and they just didn't want him to win something on top of this.
00:25:55.000 The fact that he still has his freedom, the kid lost his life.
00:25:58.000 I think he's a sucky fucking security guard.
00:26:02.000 That's what I think.
00:26:02.000 I think if you're going to look at that guy and find fault in what he did, it's how did he handle the situation.
00:26:08.000 And would a more confident, competent person have handled it the same way?
00:26:12.000 Like, here's a perfect example.
00:26:13.000 My friend Big John McCarthy, who's a cop.
00:26:15.000 I guarantee you, you know, the referee.
00:26:18.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:26:19.000 He's a cop, that guy?
00:26:20.000 Was a cop for a long time.
00:26:21.000 But great guy.
00:26:22.000 But knows how to handle shit.
00:26:24.000 If Big John McCarthy saw that kid walking in the neighborhood, he probably would have said, How you doing, man?
00:26:29.000 Everything cool?
00:26:30.000 You know, had a conversation with him.
00:26:32.000 Everything would have been fine.
00:26:33.000 Like, even if the kid, like, got up in arms or got mouthy with him, he would have probably calmed him down.
00:26:38.000 You know, without having to get into some physical altercation.
00:26:42.000 Not only that, the kid wouldn't have been able to mount him and bash his fucking head off the ground because he's physically incompetent.
00:26:47.000 If you're gonna fucking patrol a neighborhood, you can't do it just with a gun.
00:26:52.000 You can't have the only, the last resort is your only resort.
00:26:55.000 He can't physically defend himself.
00:26:57.000 He's out of shape, he's soft and doughy, and he's not physically able to hold that guy off, but yet he's put himself in this position where he's like a security.
00:27:06.000 He's the force of the truth of the law.
00:27:08.000 You can't do that.
00:27:09.000 You're not qualified for that job.
00:27:12.000 He's just not.
00:27:13.000 So when that kid's on top of him, bouncing his fucking head off the curb, Look, I don't see any way out for him other than using a weapon.
00:27:21.000 Right.
00:27:22.000 When that kid's beating the shit out of him, but he should have never gotten to that position.
00:27:25.000 It should have never escalated to that.
00:27:28.000 You're telling me the only way two people can communicate like that is it comes into violence?
00:27:32.000 No, it's how do you deal with it?
00:27:35.000 How do you communicate?
00:27:36.000 How did you address this person?
00:27:37.000 What did you say when he talked back to you?
00:27:40.000 What did you say?
00:27:40.000 What were the exchange of words?
00:27:42.000 Right.
00:27:42.000 You know, and those things, there's a big difference between...
00:27:45.000 There was a video that we played the other day.
00:27:48.000 Do you even lift, bro?
00:27:51.000 You ever see that guy?
00:27:52.000 The Russian guy.
00:27:53.000 Is he Russian?
00:27:55.000 There's even a worse one.
00:27:56.000 Is he Russian?
00:27:57.000 I don't know.
00:27:57.000 The Pakistani kids, though, in New York were the Bronx.
00:28:00.000 The police chief in Bronx, New York, was like, stop doing it.
00:28:03.000 You're going to get killed.
00:28:05.000 These two kids are just going to YouTube and they go up to people in horrible neighborhoods and are like, Hey man, you got a problem?
00:28:11.000 While he's holding a calculator and he's just trying to be funny, but these guys are just bashing their heads in and stuff.
00:28:16.000 And so the Bronx Chief of Police or something like that said, look, stop it.
00:28:20.000 But yeah, these videos are getting more popular.
00:28:21.000 My point is, if you watch those videos, the guy, he comes up to people that look like they work out and goes, do you even lift, bro?
00:28:28.000 Look how small you are.
00:28:29.000 And some people handle it great.
00:28:32.000 Some people go, you know, like, man, don't pull it up.
00:28:35.000 We don't need to see it.
00:28:36.000 Some people go, yeah, I mean, I don't even lift.
00:28:38.000 I guess I'm small.
00:28:39.000 And then they laugh and they walk away.
00:28:41.000 And some people threaten them.
00:28:42.000 It depends entirely on how two people interact with each other.
00:28:47.000 And I think...
00:28:48.000 That's what we don't know about the Anthony situation.
00:28:52.000 That's what we don't know about the Zimmerman situation.
00:28:54.000 It's not just about what went down.
00:28:57.000 It's about how did it all play out?
00:28:59.000 How could it have been avoided?
00:29:01.000 There's little subtleties in language.
00:29:02.000 Like when Jonah Hill was apologizing recently, and he's obviously not a homophobe.
00:29:07.000 He just got mad and said, suck my dick, faggot.
00:29:08.000 It was a stupid thing in a moment.
00:29:10.000 And he's on The Tonight Show.
00:29:11.000 And again, he's just apologizing.
00:29:12.000 I think he never had to deal with something like this.
00:29:14.000 And he said something.
00:29:15.000 He goes, man, the intent doesn't matter.
00:29:17.000 It's the words.
00:29:17.000 The words are...
00:29:18.000 And it was like, again, I know you're on the spot in that moment.
00:29:21.000 I'm not going to crucify the guy.
00:29:22.000 But I wish I was there so I could just appear on the seat next to him like in that Woody Allen scene when the guy walks out to correct the guy online and go, no, the intent is everything.
00:29:30.000 Because if the words matter, the next time somebody said the fucking Giants killed the Jets, well, we better call the police.
00:29:36.000 Oh, that's right.
00:29:37.000 It's the intent.
00:29:38.000 We understand every single interaction or phrase has an intent behind it, which...
00:29:44.000 Which doesn't always come through in the written words.
00:29:47.000 It's an inflection.
00:29:48.000 And that's something that you and I had a conversation about with the Tracy Morgan situation.
00:29:52.000 With people pretending that what he was saying when he was on stage, that he was going to stab his son if his son was gay.
00:29:59.000 His whole act is filled with him saying ridiculous shit.
00:30:03.000 This is not a statement.
00:30:05.000 It's not an affidavit he's making in court.
00:30:07.000 You're taking it out of context because it's a soft target if you do that.
00:30:11.000 Yes.
00:30:11.000 I'm going to stab my son because he's gay as a statement of fact or at the end of a political rally is a pretty awful thing to say.
00:30:19.000 But if you've opened up with, I'm going to get you pregnant and I'm going to mold shit and make a hat out of it, it's kind of hard to take any one statement and go, well, that's the serious one.
00:30:28.000 But that's, again, that's that purposely ignoring context or even when you can't ignore it, saying, yeah, we understand the context and we don't fucking care.
00:30:34.000 It's just soft targets.
00:30:36.000 People find soft targets and...
00:30:38.000 Those targets, look, they're all ganging up on Anthony, too.
00:30:41.000 That's the other thing.
00:30:42.000 I'm not saying boo-hoo Anthony, but let's pay attention to what's really going on.
00:30:45.000 If you're writing an article out of the blue for no reason about Jim Norton, you're the only guy, I think Jim Norton is a despicable person, and you write this article, you have the option to respond to that.
00:30:56.000 And you can go, well, who are you, Mr. Reporter Dickwad?
00:30:59.000 Let's take a look at you, and then other people can take a look at him, too.
00:31:03.000 But when everybody's piling on, it's a free-for-all.
00:31:06.000 It's a free ride.
00:31:07.000 And then you're there flailing wildly.
00:31:09.000 Louis C.K. actually raised a really good point about that.
00:31:12.000 When something was happening, he goes, you know, you have to remember, too, everybody's not Googling you.
00:31:16.000 Everyone is not Googling Joe Rogan or Jim Norton or Anthony Cumia.
00:31:19.000 So you're seeing every result about yourself and it appears overwhelming.
00:31:24.000 But the reality is people may be reading Newsday or The Post or The Gawker or Vice or whatever they're reading, but they're not reading every single article on Anthony Cumia or on Jim Norton.
00:31:36.000 So that's where the overwhelming thing is sometimes misleading because people are all reading little snippets of it.
00:31:43.000 But when the company's getting calls from, again, five or six different outlets, to them it feels overwhelming.
00:31:48.000 And like, what the fuck do we do with this?
00:31:50.000 Because this wasn't on the air.
00:31:52.000 So I think that's what...
00:31:53.000 And again, they haven't discussed this with me.
00:31:55.000 I'm purely speculating because to them, if it was on the air, I'm guessing they would have said, well, that's what he does on the air.
00:32:00.000 But they're not looking at it like, well, he was reacting to being hit.
00:32:03.000 I think they just were like, oh, okay, we got to fire him.
00:32:06.000 I think that's why they...
00:32:07.000 They kind of just reacted very quickly.
00:32:10.000 I think they fucked themselves.
00:32:11.000 I really do.
00:32:12.000 They fucked themselves.
00:32:13.000 Because they were supposed to be the place where it was free speech.
00:32:16.000 This is the wild place.
00:32:17.000 But we're the virus.
00:32:19.000 It was the virus channel, remember?
00:32:21.000 Now it's SiriusXMTalk.
00:32:23.000 That's it?
00:32:24.000 It's SiriusXMTalk?
00:32:25.000 We have to rename it, but we don't know what...
00:32:27.000 They're not asking for my input.
00:32:29.000 I don't want my name on the show.
00:32:30.000 I want to be on the show, but I don't want it to be Opie and Jimmy.
00:32:33.000 I don't want people to feel like I'm jumping into Anthony's seat, because I'm not.
00:32:36.000 If they call it Opie's show, I'm much more happy with that, because that's what it was before he met Anthony Comey.
00:32:42.000 I would call it We Miss Anthony.
00:32:44.000 Yeah, that would be kind of...
00:32:45.000 Or Tony.
00:32:45.000 We'll call it Tony, so they don't know who we're talking about.
00:32:47.000 We'll just say, where's Tony?
00:32:49.000 We'll be sneaky.
00:32:50.000 Yeah.
00:32:51.000 But it is a horrible...
00:32:53.000 And it's like people get mad at me and Opie and it's like we don't...
00:32:56.000 And I tried to say like we didn't...
00:32:58.000 Mad at you for what?
00:32:59.000 Because people think that we're like a bunch of teenagers hanging out and they're like, you guys should walk in support!
00:33:05.000 And it's like, first of all, you dumb motherfuckers that say that.
00:33:10.000 Anthony, I've talked to, he wouldn't walk.
00:33:12.000 And he told me, dude, you got to make your money.
00:33:15.000 And B, I'm under contract.
00:33:17.000 I can't just walk.
00:33:19.000 I have three more months under contract.
00:33:21.000 And Obi tried to clear this up on the air.
00:33:22.000 Like, if we just walk out, if they don't fire us and we just walk, and say a bunch more subs leave because they realize, like, wow, the show really is gone.
00:33:30.000 Then all of a sudden Sirius wants to take action on us for breach.
00:33:33.000 It's a whole fucking legal – people just don't get that part of it and they think that we're fucking Anthony.
00:33:38.000 You know who doesn't think we're fucking Anthony?
00:33:39.000 Anthony.
00:33:40.000 He knows we're not fucking.
00:33:41.000 Only an idiot thinks you're fucking Anthony but there's always going to be idiots with opinions out there.
00:33:45.000 Yeah, and I'm fine with that.
00:33:46.000 When people say like, dude, I love you and Opie but I got to cancel because I'm staying with Anthony, I don't get mad at those people.
00:33:53.000 Or if people are like, I'm going to keep serious and I'm also going to listen to Ant, I'm fine with that too because I get the emotion.
00:33:59.000 Whatever they got to do to support Ant is cool with me.
00:34:03.000 I want them to stay because in my ideal world, they listen to me and Opie and then they fucking listen to Anthony.
00:34:09.000 There's no competition.
00:34:10.000 We're not like, hey, don't mention Anthony.
00:34:12.000 When his fucking show comes out, I'm going to tweet it because I want him to succeed because he's one of my closest friends.
00:34:18.000 It's going to succeed.
00:34:19.000 It's going to.
00:34:20.000 If you just...
00:34:22.000 He's an entertaining guy.
00:34:23.000 He's an interesting guy.
00:34:24.000 And the platform of the internet is so free and easy.
00:34:28.000 And he's already got a full professional setup at his house.
00:34:31.000 People don't know if you've never seen...
00:34:33.000 One of the main reasons I started this podcast is because of Live from the Compound.
00:34:39.000 Because he set up a fucking green screen in his house, a professional studio, and he was playing images behind him of the city.
00:34:48.000 He had a green screen.
00:34:50.000 A beautiful green screen.
00:34:52.000 Professional broadcast quality cameras.
00:34:55.000 The whole deal.
00:34:56.000 I was like, that's amazing!
00:34:57.000 And that slowly but surely led to what you're seeing right here.
00:35:01.000 Him doing that while he was already on Sirius.
00:35:06.000 And Sirius tried to stop him from doing that.
00:35:08.000 They gave him a hard time about that.
00:35:10.000 Yeah, I think that was a contractual issue too, where they're like, look, this is the medium you're on.
00:35:15.000 But eventually they kind of let him do it.
00:35:17.000 It's only helping.
00:35:18.000 It would only help the show.
00:35:19.000 It's just more advertising, more people paying attention.
00:35:23.000 More entertainment.
00:35:25.000 It's going to get more people.
00:35:27.000 That's what people are realizing about the internet.
00:35:29.000 I remember when Lars Ehrlich got all upset at Metallica fans for downloading his shit and it created this huge shitstorm where everybody was like, dude, don't you have enough fucking money?
00:35:40.000 You're worried about people downloading your shit?
00:35:42.000 More people are going to come see you in concert.
00:35:44.000 And that's what it really has turned out to be for all musical artists.
00:35:48.000 Yeah, you're not selling as many records, but you're gonna get more fans, and there's more people gonna see you in concert, and guess what?
00:35:54.000 That's all your money.
00:35:55.000 When you can set that up and have people just come out and see you in concert, that's actually better.
00:36:02.000 I'll tell you why I didn't mind Lars doing that.
00:36:04.000 What was happening is the music industry was not prepared for the onslaught of downloads.
00:36:11.000 And again, they're greedy twats.
00:36:13.000 I mean the business, not the artists, but the fucking guys behind the scenes.
00:36:17.000 They've been raping artists for years, fucking taking all their money.
00:36:20.000 But had it not, because I think iTunes was born of the idea of Napster falling through.
00:36:25.000 So it's like, I kind of like it, because now I can go buy a song or two songs.
00:36:29.000 Like, I'm not going to download a whole fucking Nicki Minaj album, but there's one song, looking ass nigga is the fucking greatest song ever done.
00:36:38.000 It's the fucking greatest thing ever done.
00:36:41.000 I don't want to buy the whole album, but that fucking video is sexy.
00:36:45.000 Really?
00:36:45.000 Dude, I fucking love that song.
00:36:47.000 I for real love it.
00:36:48.000 It's great.
00:36:49.000 And that I would buy.
00:36:50.000 I don't want to buy the whole dumb record.
00:36:50.000 I wish we could play it, but we'll get pulled off of YouTube.
00:36:53.000 It's a song you can't sing, also with the windows down, too, I found out recently.
00:36:57.000 It's a lot of N-words.
00:36:58.000 Yes, it really is.
00:36:59.000 But the lines she uses in that are fucking great.
00:37:04.000 I love the songs.
00:37:06.000 That's just an example.
00:37:07.000 I can't buy that whole album.
00:37:09.000 And I like it for my own dumb little CDs that are on iTunes.
00:37:12.000 I like the fact that I can make some money there and they're not just going to...
00:37:16.000 People are still going to steal them.
00:37:17.000 There's still brilliant people out there, but the majority of people...
00:37:21.000 Aren't computer geniuses?
00:37:23.000 They're just, I'll go to iTunes for a buck and buy a couple of trucks.
00:37:25.000 If it's easy to do, people are going to pay for it.
00:37:29.000 If it's easy to one click on Amazon, people pay for it.
00:37:33.000 One click on iTunes.
00:37:34.000 That's the way to do it.
00:37:37.000 Make it so it's convenient.
00:37:39.000 I think eventually, you're always going to have people that have digital copies of things online.
00:37:45.000 It's always going to be the case.
00:37:46.000 But people are getting more and more hesitant to do that because a lot of people are getting fucked.
00:37:51.000 Like people that are downloading illegal pirating of the UFCs, they're getting sued.
00:37:56.000 People that have downloaded movies are getting sued.
00:37:58.000 People that upload movies.
00:37:59.000 Like a lot of those guys that had a bunch of movies that they were sharing on BitTorrent.
00:38:03.000 They're getting sued for fuckloads of money, man.
00:38:06.000 And people are like, why are they going after the little guy?
00:38:09.000 Here's why.
00:38:10.000 Because when the little guy starts to have to...
00:38:11.000 People say you can get sued.
00:38:12.000 Ah, they can't win.
00:38:14.000 Okay, that's how it happens.
00:38:15.000 You walk into court and go, your honor, they can't win.
00:38:17.000 And he goes, you're right.
00:38:18.000 No charge.
00:38:19.000 No, you got to pay for a fucking lawyer.
00:38:21.000 And a lawyer is a 20 grand hit minimum.
00:38:23.000 So the average person, when they have to get an attorney and they realize this is going to cost me $10,000, $20,000 just to defend.
00:38:31.000 They don't want to deal with it.
00:38:32.000 So a lot of times that's what these little lawsuits are about.
00:38:34.000 It's getting people just to back off and discouraging people.
00:38:37.000 Well, I got errors and omissions insurance because of a conversation I had with you.
00:38:40.000 Oh, okay.
00:38:40.000 You told me about it.
00:38:41.000 Yeah.
00:38:42.000 And when you were getting sued.
00:38:44.000 Yes.
00:38:45.000 It's a very frustrating process because you realize the legal process is not free.
00:38:51.000 Even if you think you're in the right, But in a way, it saved me, I think, in the long run, that experience, because now I have it for everything I do.
00:38:59.000 My books, DVDs, CDs, I get everything vetted, and I have like $3 million worth of insurance, which is probably a panicky overkill on my part, but I do that because...
00:39:11.000 You want to protect yourself even from a...
00:39:13.000 What's the word?
00:39:15.000 Not frugal...
00:39:16.000 Frivolous?
00:39:17.000 Frivolous litigation.
00:39:18.000 I don't know who's going to come after me.
00:39:20.000 Somebody may hear something and it may cause them to bang their fucking head into the wall and then say, I caused an autistic reaction or I caused a fucking...
00:39:27.000 What was the one Al Roker made fun of?
00:39:31.000 Tourette's?
00:39:31.000 No, the Olympic logo is causing some kind of a...
00:39:35.000 Epileptic.
00:39:36.000 Epileptic thing.
00:39:36.000 Whatever it is, someone can always file the suit and you have to pay to defend it.
00:39:40.000 So that type of shit, it's nice to have.
00:39:42.000 You know that really does happen?
00:39:44.000 Yes.
00:39:44.000 There was a dude that I had on my podcast, his wife was an epileptic, not on my podcast, on my message board.
00:39:49.000 His wife was an epileptic and someone had a logo that was like flashing and he started complaining about it.
00:39:56.000 You guys need to take that down.
00:39:57.000 So then everybody put up a flashing logo.
00:39:59.000 Like, it was, of course.
00:40:02.000 But then he messaged me, he's like, seriously, if my wife sees that, she'll faint.
00:40:05.000 She'll just go into a seizure.
00:40:07.000 I was like, come on.
00:40:08.000 Really?
00:40:08.000 So I had to look it up.
00:40:09.000 Like, yeah, it does.
00:40:10.000 There was a certain television show that was going on in Japan.
00:40:14.000 It was like a kid's show.
00:40:16.000 It's the one with the mighty, the four guys, Power Rangers.
00:40:20.000 Was it the Power Rangers?
00:40:21.000 Whatever it was, this television show made kids have seizures.
00:40:25.000 For whatever reason, certain kids that have a certain issue, they would watch these flashing things and just seize up.
00:40:32.000 Most video games now have that at the beginning.
00:40:34.000 Like, if you play the video game, this game could cause seizures if you have that.
00:40:38.000 They used to have to warn you, so you've been pre-worned.
00:40:40.000 That's so fucking weird.
00:40:41.000 By the way, everything that we deal with that's annoying, everything is because of lawsuits.
00:40:46.000 So we kind of have brought it on ourselves too.
00:40:49.000 Like people are like, why do they have to – companies have to be so – like I'll get annoyed at Syria sometimes.
00:40:53.000 Like what the fuck?
00:40:54.000 And then I'm like, oh yeah.
00:40:56.000 They have a shitload of people working for them and every one of them has access.
00:41:00.000 To human resources.
00:41:02.000 And any one of those people could just go to human resources and say, this is a hostile work environment because of something – because people are like, why can't we look at a girl's ass in the hallway?
00:41:11.000 Go ahead.
00:41:12.000 Pinch your ass like it's 1950. And then when they sue the company – The company's like, what the fuck?
00:41:18.000 We got to pay to defend this because you couldn't keep your hands off her?
00:41:21.000 So as much as companies can drive me nuts sometimes, all of these protective barriers that have been put in place have been because citizens have filed lawsuits, some that were very legitimate, like sexual harassment.
00:41:33.000 Guys are kind of pieces of shit with that.
00:41:35.000 That was probably a bad example because most guys, you know...
00:41:38.000 Women tell me horror stories about what they've got to deal with at work.
00:41:41.000 I can only imagine.
00:41:42.000 Yeah, it's more than just a glance.
00:41:44.000 It's a guy rubbing his dick on her while they're getting coffee and going, hey, I'm kidding!
00:41:47.000 It's like, how do you fucking deal with that if you're...
00:41:49.000 But the companies have to deal with this, so then they put all this shit in place to protect themselves from these litigious...
00:41:55.000 Fucking shithead employees.
00:41:57.000 Yeah, there's both, right?
00:41:58.000 There's real scenarios where people are getting sexually harassed, and that is uber fucked up.
00:42:03.000 You know, could you imagine being a chick in an office and some guy you don't want to have anything to do with consistently hits on you and tells dirty jokes and fucks with you and asks you if you're gaining weight, if you ignore them?
00:42:13.000 Right.
00:42:13.000 You know, they start getting weird.
00:42:15.000 Guys are gross, man.
00:42:16.000 Creepy.
00:42:17.000 I'm so glad I'm not a chick.
00:42:19.000 I couldn't imagine being a heterosexual woman having to deal with men who want to fuck me.
00:42:24.000 Or just the energy, like the things that you can't prove in court, but the energy of the guy who wants to fuck you comes over with his dumb dick up against the fucking top of your desk.
00:42:32.000 How you doing?
00:42:33.000 Well, I'm just saying hello.
00:42:35.000 He's resting.
00:42:36.000 He's resting it, yeah.
00:42:37.000 It's all mushed up.
00:42:40.000 Fucking...
00:42:40.000 Half plump.
00:42:41.000 That kid's fucking making men and women work together for eight hours in a row together in a closed-in environment.
00:42:48.000 It's automatic sexual tension between some folks.
00:42:51.000 It has to be.
00:42:52.000 Yeah.
00:42:52.000 There's no way around that, man.
00:42:54.000 No, from a guy's point of view, at least.
00:42:56.000 I think women are better because their whole thing is picking which guys they want to fuck.
00:43:00.000 I think women are better at going, this is professional.
00:43:03.000 I'm not going to do that.
00:43:04.000 We're just awful at it.
00:43:05.000 I know I'm awful at it.
00:43:06.000 Yeah, but it's also like that's the social environment of the office.
00:43:10.000 There's always going to be weirdness in the office.
00:43:13.000 And then if you have those fucking office parties where people get a little liquored up and it all comes out, you start dancing and shit and a little nuttiness.
00:43:23.000 Next thing you know, people are getting fucking sued.
00:43:25.000 Yeah, you're dropping someone off and you wind up jerking off in front of her in the car and she goes in and feels dirty because it happened.
00:43:30.000 Whatever, whatever.
00:43:31.000 What's the big deal over here?
00:43:33.000 What the fuck?
00:43:34.000 We're friends.
00:43:34.000 We worked together for six months already.
00:43:38.000 Yeah.
00:43:38.000 Fucking holiday parties, bitch.
00:43:42.000 I cleaned the dash.
00:43:43.000 Yeah, come on.
00:43:45.000 I thought you wanted it.
00:43:47.000 We have female interns.
00:43:49.000 That's what keeps me from hitting on the interns.
00:43:51.000 I'm fucking, as Florentine would say, I'm Pete professional with the interns.
00:43:55.000 I don't fucking...
00:43:56.000 I'll joke with them on the air.
00:43:57.000 I don't fucking look at their asses in the hallway.
00:44:00.000 I don't flirt with them.
00:44:01.000 Because A, the most of them are 21 and 22. I don't want one of them misinterpreting something and going to human resources and going, this 45-year-old piece of garbage is hitting on me, and then I'm going to sue you.
00:44:12.000 And then the company's like, we're going to get sued.
00:44:14.000 Because companies have lost a lot of money with that.
00:44:17.000 They've lost, in legit cases, but they don't want to take a chance.
00:44:21.000 So then they're going to fucking look at me and go, one more time, whatever.
00:44:24.000 So that's why I don't do it.
00:44:25.000 Another aspect of this crazy litigious society that we live in is patent trolls.
00:44:29.000 That's the thing that Adam Carolla is going through right now, and we're all a part of it, and we're trying to help him raise money for his legal funds.
00:44:36.000 It's going to cost him a million dollars, a million dollars to defend against this patent troll.
00:44:43.000 And they already had a hearing, and during the hearing, or they had whatever it is, when they meet down and they discuss The merits of the case.
00:44:51.000 The case is essentially thought to be frivolous, but they're still going forward with it.
00:44:56.000 Motion to dismiss.
00:44:56.000 They probably tried a motion to dismiss.
00:44:58.000 They said no.
00:44:59.000 So either I guess what they will do is go for...
00:45:01.000 My guess will be the next step, or they can go for summary judgment, maybe where they process all the facts and they say, should we go into depositions or whatever?
00:45:11.000 And again, it might be different in this kind of case, but there's a lot of...
00:45:15.000 That's a patent troll-friendly area where they're from.
00:45:19.000 Which is why I think that a lot of these people set up offices in that part of Texas.
00:45:23.000 But fucking the Supreme Court just shot down...
00:45:25.000 They really hurt patent trolls.
00:45:27.000 Saying something that you can't patent ID... Like you can patent...
00:45:30.000 A method of delivering an idea, but you can't patent the idea of just episodic things on the internet or whatever it was that they said you can't do.
00:45:37.000 Let's give them a shout out here.
00:45:39.000 Mike August sent me this.
00:45:40.000 He's the guy who runs Adam's show over there.
00:45:43.000 He sent me this thing about it.
00:45:45.000 This is the full deal.
00:45:46.000 So far, they have raised $425,000 for their defense.
00:45:55.000 Their most recent bill.
00:45:57.000 This is incredible.
00:45:58.000 They have been running at $100,000 a month.
00:46:02.000 $100,000 a month for the last three months in legal bills.
00:46:05.000 So they're now at a deficit of $20,000.
00:46:08.000 Personal audio has shown no signs of backing down from their litigation posture despite a discovery process that has revealed a completely weak connection to be drawn between their purported patent apparatus and the dissemination of media files that we do as podcasters.
00:46:24.000 So what they're hoping for Is that Adam somehow or another taps out, and if he does, then they try to hit everybody who podcast with, you know, hey, give us $20 a month or whatever the fuck it is.
00:46:35.000 So they're going to have to raise another $500,000 to $750,000 to continue with the litigation.
00:46:44.000 Unbelievable.
00:46:44.000 It's incredible.
00:46:45.000 It's sickening.
00:46:46.000 And the only thing is, and I don't know what it's like in Texas.
00:46:48.000 I know in New York it's hard to get, but everyone thinks like, well, hey, man, I'll just try to get them to make them pay for my legal fees.
00:46:56.000 That doesn't always happen, and judges don't like to do that.
00:47:00.000 They don't like to give a, I forget what it's called, but it's when you make the suing attorney.
00:47:07.000 Where the plaintiff pay the defendant's legal fees.
00:47:11.000 It has to be proven to be such a frivolous thing.
00:47:15.000 So that's a really hard thing to do.
00:47:17.000 Yeah, and if you want to help, this is the way they've got it set up to help.
00:47:21.000 They have a Podcast Legal Defense Fund Amazon account.
00:47:26.000 And what that is, is if you buy something from Amazon, if you do it through that account, they get a kickback.
00:47:33.000 They get a piece of the action.
00:47:34.000 So it doesn't cost you anything as a person.
00:47:36.000 So if you use Amazon a lot, like I do, I love to use Amazon.
00:47:40.000 If you use it, please use it through the podcast Legal Defense Amazon Fund.
00:47:45.000 If you just Google that, it's on fundanything.com.
00:47:49.000 You can find the...
00:47:51.000 The link to it and Adam has a video up there that explains what's going on and how this all got started.
00:47:58.000 It's really gross.
00:48:00.000 And if you look at what the actual patent is itself, it's crazy that they can sue for it.
00:48:06.000 It's essentially releasing things in a serialized form, like a form 1, 2, 3, and 4, on the internet.
00:48:11.000 I mean, that's it.
00:48:11.000 Like a playlist.
00:48:12.000 Yeah, I mean, that's like, that's crazy.
00:48:14.000 Like, the idea that you could patent that is just fucking bananas.
00:48:18.000 Yeah, and it's very, I forget what it's called when they give them money.
00:48:21.000 It's really rare.
00:48:22.000 And in London, in England, in London, in fucking England, I think they're much more likely to, because a lot of people are less likely to sue for something that they might be frivolous.
00:48:30.000 Although you may not be able to recover on a frivolous lawsuit because there may be legal merits to this lawsuit even if they lose.
00:48:37.000 What are the personal audio they're called?
00:48:39.000 It may not be a frivolous suit like in the legal system's eyes.
00:48:42.000 The legal system may see this as a legit suit that they win or lose as opposed to a frivolous one.
00:48:47.000 So Adam may not be able to get his money back even if he wins.
00:48:49.000 Do you know what I mean?
00:48:50.000 I totally hear you.
00:48:51.000 So even if he wins, he might still be hit with all these legal fees.
00:48:55.000 Sure, and of course whoever loses will appeal.
00:48:57.000 Of course.
00:48:57.000 Of course.
00:48:59.000 I'm guessing that the other place has more money than Adam does.
00:49:01.000 So an appeal will cost money.
00:49:03.000 And everyone who podcasts has a very, very vested interest in this because I don't think it's a good lawsuit.
00:49:10.000 I mean, I don't think that they're right to ask for this at all.
00:49:13.000 I think it's bullshit.
00:49:14.000 Of course.
00:49:15.000 And these guys have already made a shitload of money suing Apple.
00:49:19.000 I think they made $7 or $8 million.
00:49:21.000 $8 million, I think, on the playlist or something.
00:49:23.000 Something about a playlist.
00:49:23.000 Something fucking crazy.
00:49:24.000 I have to piss badly.
00:49:27.000 Don't worry about it, man.
00:49:28.000 So anybody that wants to help, just go to fundanything.com.
00:49:32.000 Just Google Podcast Legal Defense Fund.
00:49:36.000 Amazon account.
00:49:38.000 Yeah, you'll find it.
00:49:39.000 You'll find it.
00:49:39.000 And just try to do your Amazon shopping through there.
00:49:42.000 If everybody does that, it will make a big difference.
00:49:44.000 And it'll be no hardship whatsoever for anybody that's helping to support the show.
00:49:52.000 Also, on their Fund Anything page, they have a bunch of different packages.
00:49:55.000 One's $20, one's $40, or whatever.
00:49:58.000 It comes with a bunch of stuff.
00:49:59.000 So if they want to help out by using a package.
00:50:02.000 That's awesome.
00:50:02.000 Yeah.
00:50:03.000 Yeah, and Adam's a good guy.
00:50:04.000 And I'm glad he's doing this.
00:50:06.000 I'm glad he's not buckling.
00:50:08.000 I don't know why he got hit up and other people didn't get hit up.
00:50:11.000 You didn't get hit up?
00:50:12.000 No.
00:50:13.000 Oh, I got hit up.
00:50:14.000 I don't understand it.
00:50:15.000 Are you asking for money?
00:50:17.000 Because I think it has something to do with subscriptions or asking for money.
00:50:20.000 Did you ever ask for any money?
00:50:21.000 No.
00:50:21.000 I mean, the only thing that we have at Death Squad is just buying t-shirts, which I've been trying to keep as separate as possible from, you know...
00:50:28.000 Well, it's totally separate.
00:50:29.000 Right.
00:50:29.000 It's just your t-shirts.
00:50:30.000 And if you want those, folks, go to getdeskwad.tv if you see those cats and the hat.
00:50:36.000 We have hats, we got flasks.
00:50:38.000 The hat that you're wearing right now?
00:50:39.000 Yep, the one I have right now.
00:50:40.000 Kapow, ladies and gentlemen.
00:50:41.000 And flasks, flasks.
00:50:43.000 So you can be one of those old-timey drunks, put a warm flask of whiskey in your back pocket and fart on it all day.
00:50:49.000 Pour it into your coffee.
00:50:51.000 Protect your chest pocket from bullets.
00:50:53.000 Yeah, that does happen upon occasion.
00:50:55.000 By the way, thanks for the fanny pack.
00:50:57.000 I like it a lot.
00:50:57.000 You like it.
00:50:58.000 And the first thing I thought of, because I toured with Dice, was Dice would go nuts for this.
00:51:03.000 And you're like, yeah, Dice had something to do with it.
00:51:05.000 Well, Dice got a Roots fanny pack, and he was wearing it.
00:51:08.000 It was beautiful.
00:51:09.000 And I was like, where'd you get that fanny pack?
00:51:10.000 He's like, go, check it out!
00:51:11.000 Ah!
00:51:12.000 And he gave it to me to check out, and I ordered one from Roots, and then I contacted Roots, and I had them design mine with the Higher Primate logo on it.
00:51:20.000 So good, dude.
00:51:21.000 So I'm selling those.
00:51:22.000 Yeah, fucking fanny pack's the way to go.
00:51:23.000 People are scared of fanny packs.
00:51:25.000 Let me explain something to you.
00:51:26.000 A girl who will not fuck you because you're wearing a fanny pack was not going to fuck you anyway.
00:51:31.000 Absolutely.
00:51:32.000 And if she was going to fuck you, it wasn't going to be worth it.
00:51:34.000 It was going to be one of those where she fucks you, she's like, ugh, what am I doing?
00:51:38.000 Plus, I don't try to get laid in my fanny pack.
00:51:40.000 I don't like going to a club wearing a fucking fanny pack.
00:51:42.000 I wear it when I fly.
00:51:43.000 I like to fly comfortably.
00:51:45.000 People are always like, what are you wearing that for?
00:51:47.000 Because I don't want shit in my pockets.
00:51:49.000 That's why.
00:51:49.000 Sorry, am I supposed to look like the Fonz on a fucking plane?
00:51:53.000 Why am I doing the Fonz?
00:51:55.000 You know who the Fonz is.
00:51:57.000 Why try to be a fucking cool image on the plane?
00:52:00.000 It's like I'm flying.
00:52:01.000 I'm right from the airport right now.
00:52:03.000 I'm wearing my oversized Aussie shirt and my sweatpants.
00:52:06.000 You fly to be comfortable.
00:52:08.000 Yeah, and that's such an easy thing to do.
00:52:09.000 You take that thing off, put it in the tray.
00:52:12.000 It goes through.
00:52:13.000 You're done.
00:52:13.000 Clip it back on.
00:52:14.000 You don't have to empty your pockets out.
00:52:16.000 And it doesn't include as one of your carry-ons either when you have it around your waist.
00:52:19.000 So if you have like a backpack and a suitcase, you could also have a fanny pack attached to your body so it doesn't count as much.
00:52:25.000 Not true.
00:52:25.000 No?
00:52:26.000 It does.
00:52:26.000 With certain cunts.
00:52:27.000 Really?
00:52:28.000 You had that?
00:52:28.000 I had a woman tell me that I had to take it off, and I put it in my bag.
00:52:31.000 I'm like, are you serious?
00:52:32.000 I go, what is the difference between this and a pocket?
00:52:34.000 She goes, it's a bag, sir.
00:52:36.000 You have to have your bag inside another bag, or you're going to have to check it.
00:52:39.000 She was just being a cunt.
00:52:40.000 Of course she was.
00:52:41.000 And I was like, oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
00:52:43.000 But you can't say you're being a cunt, because that's a really...
00:52:45.000 that's the woman with you on the plane.
00:52:47.000 She was cunt-y.
00:52:48.000 Of course she was.
00:52:48.000 So I just opened up my backpack and stuffed it in there, but I was like, this is the dumbest fucking shit ever.
00:52:54.000 I'm sitting, by the way, in my seat when she said this to me.
00:52:57.000 Wait, you were on the plane?
00:52:58.000 Yes, on the plane, sitting in my seat with my belt buckled, the whole deal.
00:53:02.000 So I had to take off the fanny pack and put it in my fucking backpack.
00:53:06.000 The one time only for this one chick that just decided...
00:53:10.000 That's ridiculous.
00:53:11.000 You know, that's what happens, man.
00:53:12.000 You run into the wrong person.
00:53:14.000 Was it a major airline or was it a subsidiary, like a smaller...
00:53:18.000 Delta.
00:53:20.000 You have Delta, but was it a big plane or a small plane?
00:53:22.000 Yep, big plane.
00:53:22.000 Because a lot of times the ones on the...
00:53:24.000 You had Continental, you had Continental Express.
00:53:26.000 United, United Express.
00:53:27.000 And the United Express and Continental Express, there are other airlines...
00:53:30.000 Or American Eagle.
00:53:31.000 That's not American Airlines.
00:53:32.000 There are smaller airlines...
00:53:33.000 We're good to go.
00:54:03.000 And United Ticketing, but they're operating kind of as a courier service for United or whoever they are.
00:54:09.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.
00:54:10.000 It's got to be a tough gig to be a flight attendant.
00:54:13.000 Sure.
00:54:13.000 But that's just creating issues.
00:54:16.000 There's no need to do that.
00:54:17.000 I'm friendly.
00:54:18.000 If you're with me, I've never gotten an issue.
00:54:20.000 I mean, I didn't even argue with her.
00:54:21.000 I said, really?
00:54:22.000 I got to take this off?
00:54:23.000 And she goes, yes, sir, that's a bag.
00:54:25.000 I'm like, all right, just put it in my bag.
00:54:26.000 I'm done.
00:54:27.000 I don't need to...
00:54:29.000 But that's just creating an issue for no reason.
00:54:31.000 I saw a man and another man get in a mild dispute about something, and this woman, who was the flight attendant, treated both of them like they were fucking children, and just rode it into the ground, didn't let it go, brought out the pilot, made the pilot talk to both men.
00:54:48.000 Totally unnecessary.
00:54:50.000 What were they disputing, though?
00:54:51.000 They were disputing overhead space.
00:54:53.000 And this is what happened.
00:54:55.000 A guy had more than one thing in an overhead, and another guy went to put something in.
00:55:02.000 He opened up the thing, and there was no space in there.
00:55:05.000 And I think he said something like, you know, you've got, you know, why do you have two things in there?
00:55:10.000 And the guy said, hey, first comes, first serve.
00:55:12.000 And the other guy says, bullshit.
00:55:14.000 And he sits down.
00:55:15.000 That's it!
00:55:17.000 One guy's got two bags.
00:55:18.000 He puts it in there.
00:55:19.000 And he goes, there's no room for other people.
00:55:22.000 He goes, hey, first come, first serve.
00:55:23.000 The other guy goes, bullshit.
00:55:25.000 And he sits down.
00:55:26.000 That's the whole dispute.
00:55:27.000 The woman wouldn't let the guy have a drink.
00:55:29.000 The guy asked for a drink.
00:55:30.000 She goes, no, you're not going to have a drink.
00:55:32.000 If I decide to let you have a drink later, I'll let you have a drink.
00:55:35.000 She brought out the pilots.
00:55:38.000 And she even talked to me.
00:55:39.000 She was like, if things go crazy, if either one of these guys gets out of line, I'm looking to you to take care of this.
00:55:46.000 And I'm like, oh, yeah, these guys aren't...
00:55:49.000 No one's getting out of...
00:55:50.000 You're creating something out of nothing.
00:55:52.000 But she kept harping on it and pestering.
00:55:55.000 You know how there's some people that if they get in an argument about something, like whatever it is, if there's something that winds them up, even if it's minor, they will beat it into the ground until it becomes major.
00:56:06.000 They'll just ride you, ride you, ride you until you're like, can you shut the fuck up?
00:56:10.000 It's almost like she was trying to get these guys to blow up so she could justify...
00:56:15.000 Her whatever internal strife, her internal anger that she was projecting onto the situation.
00:56:21.000 But I saw the whole thing go down.
00:56:23.000 It was so minor.
00:56:24.000 Either that or she was on a flight once where two drunks began arguing and the flight got diverted and then she was late.
00:56:29.000 Like she was supposed to meet a guy with a huge dick and she missed it because her plane had to land in Des Moines.
00:56:35.000 I like your story better.
00:56:36.000 I like that.
00:56:37.000 Because in my story, she's just a fucking measly cunt.
00:56:40.000 In my story, she was fucking on her way to get some giant dick, and she didn't want either one of these fucking petty zilches to interfere.
00:56:49.000 It was the way she talked to them.
00:56:51.000 It was like she had a green light.
00:56:53.000 Sure.
00:56:54.000 To say what she wanted, to push the issue as hard.
00:56:56.000 They really do.
00:56:57.000 And look, I mean, after 9-11, we all changed what we saw flying, and we got to give them a lot of leeway.
00:57:01.000 But there does get to be a point where you have to be able to go like, look, you're being a fucking complete and utter twat right now.
00:57:06.000 Yeah.
00:57:06.000 But you can never say that anymore, ever again.
00:57:08.000 Well, I do look at situations very differently.
00:57:10.000 If I see people getting into dispute on an airplane, I do look at it like it's a potential...
00:57:15.000 I mean, I don't look at it as like a terrorist situation, but I do look at it as a potential like, well, you know...
00:57:21.000 People do bad shit to each other sometimes.
00:57:23.000 Bad shit can go down.
00:57:24.000 And people are still allowed to carry a lot of fucking dangerous shit on planes.
00:57:27.000 They took away pool cues, and they took away knives and a few things, and they were going to bring back pocket knives and pool cues, but then they changed it.
00:57:35.000 Because what happened?
00:57:36.000 Someone did something.
00:57:37.000 Oh, that guy showed up in LAX and shot a bunch of TSA workers.
00:57:42.000 Remember that?
00:57:42.000 He killed that one TSA worker.
00:57:44.000 That guy, they pulled back this regulation change that they were going to have because of this guy.
00:57:49.000 But people still bring skateboards on.
00:57:52.000 You could fuck somebody up with a skateboard.
00:57:54.000 Absolutely.
00:57:54.000 A MacBook Pro, even.
00:57:55.000 Oh, yeah.
00:57:55.000 That shit's fucking titanium.
00:57:56.000 Or just let it get all...
00:57:57.000 Or close it while it's still on, because they always heat up and then say to somebody, hold this, and they're like, ah, and scar their arms.
00:58:02.000 That's like a really passive way to beat somebody up.
00:58:05.000 Yeah, especially if you rub the bottom of it and get it all friction-y.
00:58:07.000 Yeah.
00:58:08.000 You just rub it on them and watch them get shocked and burned.
00:58:11.000 But yeah, the idea of violence on a plane just freaks a lot of people out.
00:58:16.000 It should.
00:58:17.000 It plays a little, again, the diversion of the flight.
00:58:19.000 Yeah.
00:58:20.000 We've seen too many videos of guys yelling and screaming or that one fucking...
00:58:25.000 Bipolar cunt, wherever they're from, trying to open the door.
00:58:28.000 I'll tell you a big part of it, and we've seen so much more in the last 20-something years because there's no more smoking on planes.
00:58:33.000 And I'm glad, but I think a lot of what you see in rageful situations is people jonesing for cigarettes because there were times where I couldn't have a cigarette Best thing I ever did was quit smoking in 2001. But when I'd be on a flight, if we were going, when I was opening for Dice, if we were going to Dallas and say there was an hour delay,
00:58:48.000 fuck, that's another hour.
00:58:50.000 I can't smoke.
00:58:51.000 And you start, your body, you start to feel that fucking, that withdrawal.
00:58:55.000 And a lot of people are probably going through that On planes and freaking out that they can't smoke.
00:59:01.000 Oh, I guarantee.
00:59:02.000 And I'm glad they can't smoke, but I think that's a part of...
00:59:04.000 And then these fucking petty douches not even letting you have the fake...
00:59:07.000 Some of the fake cigarettes do smell.
00:59:09.000 Kurt Metzger, who's a good friend of mine, was writing for the show that I'm doing.
00:59:13.000 We would smoke these fucking things in the editing bay.
00:59:15.000 They smell like vanilla bark.
00:59:17.000 And they're nowhere near as offensive as a real cigarette.
00:59:20.000 But it was still like...
00:59:21.000 It was like a sweet asshole wafting.
00:59:23.000 It was like...
00:59:23.000 What the fuck you doing?
00:59:24.000 He had one that he was smoking in here for a while with strawberry.
00:59:27.000 Well, you know, the thing I'm reading about those is they don't know if that shit's safe because you're breathing something.
00:59:32.000 It's not vapor.
00:59:33.000 Right.
00:59:33.000 You're breathing something that has something in it.
00:59:35.000 Sure.
00:59:36.000 You know, and there's no studies that have been done on it.
00:59:38.000 There's no studies about the secondhand smoke and...
00:59:40.000 Whatever it is, it's also, you're making someone breathe your smell.
00:59:45.000 It's like if you were spraying perfume in the area, I'd be like, come on, fuckhead, why are you spraying perfume?
00:59:49.000 Making people aware of your scent.
00:59:52.000 Just wearing perfume.
00:59:53.000 Women don't know how to wear perfume right.
00:59:55.000 Some do.
00:59:56.000 Most of them don't.
00:59:56.000 You're generalizing like crazy.
00:59:58.000 But you can go anywhere where there's women and smell perfume if you focus in on it.
01:00:03.000 Like, why am I having to smell this?
01:00:05.000 I was in a restaurant recently, and some guy had one of those big-ass vapor pipes.
01:00:10.000 I mean, it was like a big, fat tube one that he was puffing on, and it was filling the restaurant with smoke.
01:00:18.000 But because it's like a vapor pipe, or whatever the fuck it's supposed to be, and not lighting a fire, it's supposed to be okay.
01:00:26.000 But I'm like, this is crazy.
01:00:28.000 Because I was eating with my kids, and I was like, we're sitting here in this guy's smoke.
01:00:32.000 It was a lot of it.
01:00:33.000 I mean, he was taking these, and you could see it.
01:00:35.000 It wasn't like those blue cigarettes, you know those things?
01:00:38.000 Sure, yeah.
01:00:39.000 Those blue e-cigs?
01:00:40.000 When you blow those out, it's like it's up and it's gone in seconds.
01:00:43.000 It doesn't have any smell.
01:00:44.000 That's kind of what I'm thinking of.
01:00:45.000 Yeah.
01:00:46.000 Those are the ones that are okay.
01:00:47.000 But those fat ones that are like, they're all different in their delivery method.
01:00:51.000 They're all different in the way they burn the oils and tobacco oil.
01:00:55.000 Some of them, it's fucking smoke.
01:00:56.000 It's smoke.
01:00:57.000 I mean, you're burning oil instead of burning plant matter.
01:01:01.000 Okay, yeah, it's true.
01:01:02.000 That's true.
01:01:03.000 They have smokeless ones now, though, also.
01:01:05.000 Those, you know, those you can't argue with.
01:01:07.000 And also gum.
01:01:08.000 You know, nicotine gum, I guess, is great.
01:01:10.000 It never helped me when I was smoky.
01:01:11.000 I would try it on planes.
01:01:12.000 It tasted like pepper, and it never did anything for me.
01:01:15.000 Makes me want to puke, almost.
01:01:17.000 Isn't Marin addicted to those?
01:01:19.000 Yeah.
01:01:19.000 So is Rich Voss.
01:01:20.000 This is how awful Rich Voss is as a human.
01:01:23.000 He'll fucking come in the studio, and we're chewing them in mid-story, and then he'll tuck one up under his gun.
01:01:29.000 Have you ever had Voss on here?
01:01:30.000 Oh.
01:01:30.000 And he'll eat, though, while one is under his gums.
01:01:32.000 He'll eat a fucking tuna fish sandwich.
01:01:35.000 Say it the way he would say it, too.
01:01:37.000 Yeah.
01:01:37.000 Tuna fish.
01:01:39.000 Or fucking white fish, whatever awful food he'll eat.
01:01:43.000 White fish.
01:01:44.000 With his fucking thing tucked up under it.
01:01:48.000 Voss is a weird guy.
01:01:49.000 Very.
01:01:50.000 He's really one of the most underrated funny people.
01:01:53.000 He's very funny.
01:01:54.000 And he's funny off the cuff more so than he is on stage.
01:01:57.000 Lightning.
01:01:58.000 This is a joke that we've been quoting.
01:01:59.000 We had Pete Rose in the other day.
01:02:01.000 I listened.
01:02:01.000 Oh, did you hear that?
01:02:02.000 And the line he had, it was so fast, it was almost depressing.
01:02:06.000 Whereas I think Pete Rose said to Voss, he goes, Hey, you're a little winded.
01:02:10.000 And Bob Kelly was in.
01:02:11.000 And he goes, You're a little winded.
01:02:12.000 And Voss goes, That's because I had to walk around you and Bobby.
01:02:15.000 LAUGHTER Like that fast.
01:02:18.000 So fast.
01:02:19.000 It was like he had been waiting for someone to say, Voss, you seem winded.
01:02:22.000 Yeah.
01:02:22.000 So just when you want to just take a fucking pickaxe and hit Rich in the chest, he reminds you of his comedic brilliance.
01:02:28.000 Like he'll do something like chew the gum with the whitefish and you hate him, but then he says something that's so comedically brilliant.
01:02:34.000 Like this guy, there's a genius to Rich Voss.
01:02:35.000 I love how you guys had just gotten done talking about how no one's going to sit in Anthony's seat.
01:02:40.000 We should probably put a glass box around it.
01:02:42.000 Voss comes in the room.
01:02:43.000 The first thing he does is sit in Anthony's seat and he goes, I never really liked that guy anyway.
01:02:48.000 He's just a fucking Asperger's funny guy.
01:02:51.000 That's where Voss is.
01:02:52.000 He's completely...
01:02:53.000 He'll make fun of anybody.
01:02:55.000 He'll make fun of anything.
01:02:56.000 He kind of does a purity to Rich that...
01:02:58.000 And he's 60. He's fucking...
01:03:00.000 He just turned 57, yeah.
01:03:02.000 Wow.
01:03:02.000 He's really up there and he's childish and he's petty.
01:03:06.000 How old is this kid?
01:03:07.000 He's got a few.
01:03:08.000 He's got three.
01:03:09.000 His daughter Raina I think is six or so with Bonnie or five and his other kids are like college age.
01:03:13.000 So he had her when he was 52. Yeah.
01:03:15.000 Wow.
01:03:15.000 Yeah.
01:03:16.000 Wow.
01:03:17.000 And his other kids are grown.
01:03:18.000 They're like college age girls.
01:03:19.000 Wow.
01:03:20.000 Have you ever listened to their podcast?
01:03:23.000 I did it once.
01:03:24.000 I was the guest.
01:03:26.000 It's painful.
01:03:27.000 I think Bill Burr's doing it in Montreal.
01:03:29.000 My wife hates me.
01:03:30.000 She's so brutal to him.
01:03:32.000 She's so brutal.
01:03:33.000 And she's so much faster than him.
01:03:34.000 She's so smart.
01:03:35.000 But it's so funny to listen.
01:03:37.000 Nobody has a better sense of humor about each other as a couple.
01:03:39.000 I've seen them brutalize each other.
01:03:41.000 The things that would destroy me as a member of a couple, and they just laugh it off and they're fine.
01:03:47.000 I can't believe.
01:03:49.000 They're like two goldfish.
01:03:50.000 Like they just forget the hatred they spew at each other.
01:03:53.000 And my wife, they're so funny together.
01:03:58.000 To me, that's the relationship that two comedians should have.
01:04:00.000 And I could never have one.
01:04:01.000 Well, it'd be a great reality show.
01:04:03.000 I'm amazed that they don't have one.
01:04:04.000 Because the business stinks, that's why.
01:04:06.000 Our show business stinks.
01:04:08.000 That they haven't taken fucking Rich and Bonnie, these two fucking- But have they been presented anywhere?
01:04:13.000 A million times.
01:04:14.000 And they're good at pitching shows and Bonnie is really good at it.
01:04:16.000 They're funny in the meetings.
01:04:19.000 I don't know why they haven't.
01:04:20.000 Maybe because they don't...
01:04:21.000 I don't know.
01:04:23.000 I was just saying maybe they don't.
01:04:24.000 I couldn't even think of a follow-up reason.
01:04:25.000 I don't know.
01:04:26.000 The only thing that I could think of is that shows with comedians...
01:04:28.000 I mean, how many reality shows with comedians have there been?
01:04:32.000 Tammy Pescatelli had a show for a while.
01:04:34.000 Remember that?
01:04:35.000 I do not.
01:04:37.000 Who else?
01:04:39.000 Does anybody...
01:04:39.000 I mean, Last Comic Standing is kind of a reality?
01:04:42.000 You think it's because comedians are too...
01:04:44.000 That would have did it.
01:04:45.000 Pauly Shore killed the whole fucking genre.
01:04:46.000 Faked it.
01:04:47.000 Or is it because comics are actually concise funny and not situational?
01:04:51.000 Like, comedians are not goofy Situation funny.
01:04:55.000 Like, uh-oh, doesn't realize she's putting pepper on her oatmeal.
01:04:59.000 You know, like...
01:05:01.000 Like, you know, every dumb cunt in a reality show does something stupid.
01:05:05.000 I'm gonna look for a watch.
01:05:06.000 Boom.
01:05:07.000 It's upside down.
01:05:08.000 Hey!
01:05:09.000 It's six, seven o'clock.
01:05:10.000 Where are my keys?
01:05:11.000 You're holding them.
01:05:12.000 What?
01:05:13.000 What?
01:05:13.000 Yeah, and comics would just dissect.
01:05:15.000 Comics are too in the moment.
01:05:16.000 This is how dumb we are as comedians.
01:05:17.000 We'll say like, you know, hey, what do you want me to do?
01:05:19.000 There's a guy with a camera looking at me.
01:05:21.000 We acknowledge too much.
01:05:23.000 I did Family Jewels.
01:05:24.000 I roasted Gene, and then they wanted me to do this kind of like pseudo-reality thing at the end with Gene and his wife and someone else.
01:05:32.000 But of course, like a douche, I referenced the camera guy.
01:05:34.000 I'm like, you're not supposed to mention.
01:05:36.000 That he's here.
01:05:37.000 Oh, what?
01:05:38.000 Maybe that's what it is.
01:05:39.000 Maybe we're too...
01:05:40.000 We don't know how to shut the fuck up.
01:05:42.000 I love Gene Simmons.
01:05:43.000 I can't watch that show.
01:05:44.000 It's just so goddamn fake.
01:05:45.000 I love him, too.
01:05:46.000 I love him.
01:05:47.000 I can't watch the show.
01:05:48.000 I saw him the other day.
01:05:48.000 He was at the Glory Kickboxing Fights in LA. It was fucking awesome to see him again.
01:05:52.000 Yeah.
01:05:52.000 But, however...
01:05:53.000 I can't watch.
01:05:54.000 There's just so much fuckery in those shows.
01:05:57.000 There's no reality shows.
01:05:59.000 Every reality show has these fixed scenarios, and they're faking shit that you would never think they fake.
01:06:05.000 They were talking about the storage war shows.
01:06:08.000 They just fill those storages.
01:06:11.000 They fill them.
01:06:11.000 They set it all up.
01:06:13.000 It's all fake.
01:06:14.000 No one knows.
01:06:14.000 Open the door.
01:06:15.000 We don't even know what's in there.
01:06:16.000 What's in that typewriter?
01:06:17.000 You fucking put it there!
01:06:19.000 They put the whole thing there!
01:06:20.000 They put everything in those boxes.
01:06:22.000 It's all fake.
01:06:24.000 You're hoping that they open one from Hannibal Lecter, one of his clients.
01:06:28.000 Nice limo with a fucking head in a jar.
01:06:31.000 That'd be a great...
01:06:32.000 Hester Moffat.
01:06:36.000 You're hoping it's one of those.
01:06:37.000 But yeah, you're right.
01:06:37.000 It's all fixed.
01:06:38.000 The only real one was the Osbournes.
01:06:40.000 Sharon said there was no take two ever.
01:06:42.000 You didn't have to.
01:06:43.000 Because it was nine months of filming.
01:06:45.000 They don't want to commit to that kind of filming.
01:06:46.000 They don't want to take the time it would take.
01:06:48.000 Because I think that my life is fascinating.
01:06:51.000 But I look at my life, I'm like...
01:06:53.000 Alright, episodic reality show.
01:06:55.000 Jim Norton.
01:06:56.000 I wake up.
01:06:57.000 I go do the radio.
01:06:59.000 I come home.
01:06:59.000 I go to the gym.
01:07:00.000 There's nothing there.
01:07:01.000 Maybe a couple of funny lines on the radio and me in the gym.
01:07:04.000 I'm tired again.
01:07:06.000 Alright, there's a minute of a show killed.
01:07:08.000 Here's the real show.
01:07:09.000 You getting prostitutes.
01:07:11.000 I thought of that.
01:07:12.000 I tried to pitch that to Vice and they didn't want it.
01:07:14.000 I'm like, I want to go from...
01:07:16.000 Look, here's the thing.
01:07:17.000 I go from fucking place to place in brothels.
01:07:19.000 I give you reviews.
01:07:21.000 They said no?
01:07:22.000 Well, what's entertaining about finding me getting blowjobs?
01:07:25.000 Everything?
01:07:26.000 But they won't show the blowjobs and the hookers probably wouldn't sign up for it.
01:07:28.000 They don't have to.
01:07:29.000 They have a big blurry thing over everybody's head.
01:07:32.000 Here's what I wanted to do.
01:07:33.000 This was my idea for a reality segment.
01:07:35.000 I really wanted to do this with Massage Girls.
01:07:38.000 I'm drinking any type of milk product.
01:07:41.000 I'm fucking a horrible farter.
01:07:43.000 And I really wanted to take a hidden camera...
01:07:45.000 And have massage girls come over and somehow signal the camera when I'm going to cut a gasser.
01:07:52.000 Like I'll say beforehand, every time I say the word yellow, it means I'm about to fart.
01:07:56.000 So you'll see me on there and I'll go like, yeah, something, something yellow.
01:08:00.000 And then I'll fart maybe quietly and then you can watch her react.
01:08:04.000 But the problem is you can't show the face and too many of them would say no to that.
01:08:10.000 But that's what I wanted to do.
01:08:11.000 But how long would that be interesting?
01:08:13.000 Jim farts during massages.
01:08:14.000 Yeah, but you say that people wouldn't, like, you couldn't go to brothels, but you could if the girls were porn stars.
01:08:20.000 That's true.
01:08:21.000 That is true.
01:08:21.000 And I would do that.
01:08:22.000 I would love to do that.
01:08:23.000 But then I'm like, Colin Quinn a long time ago reminded me, many, many years, when I first started going to an opiate athlete, I was dating a British girl.
01:08:30.000 And she was a real pervert.
01:08:31.000 I drove a Saturn back then.
01:08:32.000 I still lived in Jersey.
01:08:33.000 And I used to fucking park outside of Dangerfield.
01:08:36.000 And she would blow me.
01:08:37.000 She liked me to trap her head under my steering wheel.
01:08:40.000 And she would go like, I want you to bite me.
01:08:42.000 I want you to bite me.
01:08:43.000 She would repeat this mantra of me biting her on her back.
01:08:48.000 She liked to be bitten and brutalized.
01:08:50.000 So I would bite her back and she would be like, I want you to make me suck it.
01:08:53.000 And I would hold her head under the wheel and she would be trapped under my Saturn steering wheel.
01:09:00.000 And fucking she would suck my dick and lick my balls and whatever.
01:09:03.000 What a good kid.
01:09:04.000 She was a good girl.
01:09:04.000 Yeah, her name is Ruth.
01:09:05.000 She was a really cool girl.
01:09:07.000 Powerful Ruth.
01:09:07.000 Yeah, good.
01:09:07.000 I haven't talked to her in 15 years, but she was a great girl.
01:09:10.000 I miss her terribly.
01:09:12.000 I think she went back across the pond.
01:09:14.000 Hello.
01:09:14.000 As they say.
01:09:15.000 And what was the point of the story?
01:09:17.000 Oh, Colin.
01:09:18.000 She was really loud when I ate her pussy.
01:09:21.000 Really super loud.
01:09:23.000 What would she say?
01:09:24.000 I don't remember, just moaning and groaning loud.
01:09:26.000 Jimmy!
01:09:27.000 One of those things, yeah.
01:09:29.000 My tits!
01:09:30.000 Yeah, whatever it was.
01:09:33.000 Be a hooligan with my vagina!
01:09:37.000 Bait my pussy like it's Manchester United!
01:09:43.000 But I can't...
01:09:44.000 It was really loud, and her pussy was sloppy, fucking wet, like it was legit.
01:09:50.000 I knew she wasn't putting on a show because her pussy was sloppy.
01:09:53.000 But I was going to eat her pussy on the air.
01:09:55.000 This was before I was doing it every day.
01:09:57.000 And Opie had said, call in your pussy on the air.
01:09:58.000 And I was going to do that.
01:10:00.000 And Colin Quinn stopped me.
01:10:01.000 And he goes, you can do that.
01:10:04.000 He goes, but man, you're a comic.
01:10:05.000 You got to say funny shit.
01:10:07.000 You don't want to be that guy that does wacky things.
01:10:10.000 And I'm like, I never forgot that.
01:10:11.000 He was almost telling me, don't be a stunt boy.
01:10:14.000 You got to say it funny.
01:10:15.000 You got to sit there and be funny verbally.
01:10:17.000 And maybe in that case, he was right.
01:10:20.000 Because I wasn't the wacko who called up and ate pussy on the air.
01:10:23.000 It's like I have to be able to be funny in my delivery and say it.
01:10:27.000 And I was like, eh, that was kind of a good point.
01:10:29.000 Looking back in hindsight, I probably should have eaten her pussy on the air because it would be a very funny clip.
01:10:33.000 Yeah.
01:10:33.000 Yeah, I know what you're saying, though.
01:10:34.000 I know what he was saying, though.
01:10:36.000 You can get stuck in that trap of being the stunt guy.
01:10:39.000 Having to one-up yourself every time.
01:10:41.000 Like, oh no, Jim Norton did this crazy thing.
01:10:43.000 He put his finger on his ass.
01:10:45.000 I'd rather be the guy that talks about it than the guy that actually...
01:10:49.000 Demonstrates it and gets the laugh.
01:10:50.000 Because then if I talk about it, people are like, oh, that's not as funny.
01:10:52.000 Yeah, isn't that a weird thing when people get trapped in that stunt guy thing?
01:10:56.000 Like there's a lot of those stunt guys that are on radio shows.
01:10:59.000 Like there was a radio show that I did where they made this guy dress up like a cow and roller skate and jump over a chair.
01:11:06.000 And if he didn't jump over the chair, he didn't make over the chair so they had to punish him.
01:11:10.000 And so he was like, you know, just accept whatever punishment they had.
01:11:15.000 And the punishment was I choked him unconscious.
01:11:17.000 Oh, God.
01:11:18.000 And I go, you sure you want to do this?
01:11:20.000 He's like, I got to do whatever they tell me to do.
01:11:21.000 I go, really?
01:11:22.000 It was so weird.
01:11:23.000 I was like, this is a local radio show.
01:11:26.000 You really have to do this?
01:11:27.000 But he was like a slave in sort of way.
01:11:32.000 I will do what master tells me to.
01:11:34.000 I will do what they tell me to do.
01:11:35.000 So I choked him unconscious.
01:11:38.000 A slave for the recognition of the radio show.
01:11:41.000 He just sat there, and I put my arms around him.
01:11:42.000 I go, let me know when you're gonna tap out.
01:11:44.000 Like, if you can't take it anymore, just tap out, and I'll let you go.
01:11:47.000 You ready?
01:11:47.000 And he's like, yeah, and I just squoze him out.
01:11:50.000 And the weird thing is, good luck doing that on regular radio again.
01:11:52.000 That's probably a while ago.
01:11:53.000 Can't do it anymore.
01:11:53.000 No way!
01:11:54.000 One lawsuit, one person dies drinking water.
01:11:57.000 You know, you're lucky you can have fucking a bottle of water in the studio now, because they all panic.
01:12:00.000 Yeah, you're letting some guy collapse your fucking windpipe, you know?
01:12:04.000 Like, I know how to do it, but what if I didn't know how to do it?
01:12:06.000 What if I hurt him?
01:12:07.000 Yeah.
01:12:07.000 And, you know, the UFC sent out a memo, or they told us, I forget what it was, was it official or non-official, a few years back, two people got sued for taking photos with people where they were choking them in the picture as a joke.
01:12:20.000 Matt Hughes got sued, and Chuck Liddell got sued.
01:12:23.000 Both frivolous lawsuits where a guy, I get it all the time, guys either say, can I choke you out in a picture?
01:12:30.000 Which I say no, and then they say, well, can you choke me out in a picture?
01:12:34.000 Like, one of those two always comes up.
01:12:37.000 Yeah, but that to me, what a piece of shit move that is.
01:12:41.000 Well, one of the guys was a bad cop.
01:12:43.000 One of the guys, the Matt Hughes guy, they investigated him.
01:12:46.000 Turned out the dude was doing something drug-related, something dirty.
01:12:50.000 He wound up going to jail.
01:12:51.000 Oh, really?
01:12:51.000 Yeah.
01:12:52.000 Because of that.
01:12:53.000 Because of the investigation that started from him suing Matt.
01:12:57.000 He goes, Matt Hughes, you know, the guy says, will you take a picture of choking me?
01:13:01.000 So he's choking the guy.
01:13:02.000 And the guy's going like that and takes a picture and then takes that photograph and says, hey, Matt Hughes choked me.
01:13:06.000 I want to get some money.
01:13:08.000 Same thing with Chuck Liddell.
01:13:09.000 I think Chuck actually wanted to, I don't know if he wanted to paint him, but it was a real situation.
01:13:14.000 I always ask those guys to do things.
01:13:16.000 I haven't done it in a while, whenever they're in studio, but it was on video, so there was the context of me asking, I guess.
01:13:21.000 No, it was obvious.
01:13:22.000 And you tapped out, and it was like, I just want to feel it, you know?
01:13:26.000 Yeah.
01:13:26.000 Yeah, you did it with Fedor.
01:13:28.000 I've had...
01:13:28.000 Fedor has choked me and punched me.
01:13:31.000 He enjoyed it, because he punched me hard, and then he was choking me, and I was like, alright, alright, tap, tap, tap, and he did it again, and he smiled, and he did it again.
01:13:38.000 He's a fucking...
01:13:39.000 He's a really brutal Russian, yeah.
01:13:42.000 Velasquez choked me.
01:13:44.000 I think it was a guillotine choke, standing guillotine, I think.
01:13:48.000 Brutal.
01:13:49.000 And I mean, Ronda fucking armbarred me.
01:13:53.000 I never did anything with Liddell or Rampage.
01:13:55.000 It's funny because they were before.
01:13:56.000 Silva kicked me.
01:13:58.000 Jon Jones hurt me the worst.
01:13:59.000 He fucking...
01:14:00.000 Jon Jones put his knee...
01:14:02.000 In my...
01:14:02.000 John Jones' thing, he's punched me before, choked me, fucking Uriah made me go, ah!
01:14:07.000 It stopped.
01:14:07.000 They've all injured me.
01:14:08.000 John Jones putting that fucking shin in my thigh, or knee to the thigh, whatever he did, it hurt so badly, I almost vomited on the floor.
01:14:21.000 There's Randy choking.
01:14:22.000 Oh, well, Couture did it too, yeah.
01:14:24.000 Wow!
01:14:28.000 Wow!
01:14:29.000 Wow!
01:14:32.000 And Patrice was in studio that day, and he said to Randy, use the same technique you'd use if you were choking out a clam.
01:14:39.000 I forgot that he was there.
01:14:41.000 A clam!
01:14:43.000 Yeah, he really smashed me.
01:14:45.000 But there was one, yeah, Jones hitting me with the, that's the one right there.
01:14:50.000 He's choking me now.
01:14:53.000 All right, you ready?
01:14:53.000 Okay, yeah.
01:14:54.000 All right, here we go.
01:14:58.000 But he does something else too.
01:15:00.000 Look at how fat so I am.
01:15:01.000 He does something else where he puts his shin in my fucking leg.
01:15:07.000 Did he kick you or did he just...
01:15:08.000 It was kind of like a...
01:15:10.000 I don't know.
01:15:11.000 You'll know if we can fast forward to it.
01:15:12.000 You'll know what it is if you see it.
01:15:14.000 It was so...
01:15:16.000 Shocking to my system.
01:15:17.000 I almost threw up on the console.
01:15:19.000 I almost fainted.
01:15:20.000 I actually walked out of the fuck.
01:15:22.000 That was probably a different time.
01:15:23.000 I went to the bathroom and threw water in my face.
01:15:25.000 Whoa.
01:15:26.000 Because it was like my whole system overloaded.
01:15:28.000 And believe me, it was 20% of his strength.
01:15:32.000 Yeah, if that.
01:15:32.000 But it was fight week.
01:15:34.000 Never do that shit there and fight.
01:15:36.000 A, they're ornery.
01:15:37.000 And B, they're in fucking combat mode.
01:15:39.000 That was a dumb time to do it.
01:15:41.000 Like, you know, the first...
01:15:42.000 I'll just sit right here.
01:15:43.000 How about you pull your eyes?
01:15:45.000 You won't.
01:15:45.000 I don't want to be combated with my hands, go ahead.
01:15:47.000 That seems good.
01:15:50.000 Right here?
01:15:52.000 Yeah.
01:15:53.000 Alright, here we go.
01:15:54.000 What's he gonna do?
01:15:55.000 God, this sucks.
01:15:56.000 Two and three.
01:16:02.000 He leg kicked you.
01:16:03.000 That was a leg kick.
01:16:06.000 That was a gentle leg kick.
01:16:08.000 That was essentially the weight of his shin and his leg.
01:16:12.000 And he put something into it but not enough to do any type of real damage.
01:16:16.000 It was just where it was.
01:16:19.000 I couldn't believe I reacted that way like my system was like you know that light-headed tingly feeling you get like I'm gonna vomit I'm gonna vomit and then I was like I'm gonna pass out I had to go to the bathroom put water on my face like a fucking like an old lady but that's a that's a really painful technique yes it certainly is it doesn't it's a weird thing because those guys they're so used to fighting off of pain and dealing with the pain and the adrenaline of the fight that a lot of people underestimate the impact of leg kicks I've learned,
01:16:45.000 like, you know, everyone knows UFC hurts and mixed martial arts is painful.
01:16:48.000 But after doing that, I've been like, it makes you watch the sport differently.
01:16:52.000 Like, to watch, like, I'll watch it.
01:16:54.000 My favorite fighters are those fucking Brazilian, like, you know, those leg kickers, man.
01:16:58.000 Those fucking Jose Aldos or Barbosa.
01:17:01.000 Those guys that, like, it slaps.
01:17:03.000 Oh, yeah.
01:17:03.000 Because...
01:17:04.000 After experiencing that, I'm like, the fact the guy can stand there and still fight after having his leg kicked like that, it never ceases to amaze me if they don't immediately collapse and just go home.
01:17:13.000 Well, they don't feel it as much because of the adrenaline of the fight, but it is unbelievably painful, even with the adrenaline.
01:17:19.000 And then after it's over, like, did you ever see the Uriah Faber fight?
01:17:22.000 Faber, sure, yeah.
01:17:22.000 Where his whole leg, after he fought Aldo, was swollen to twice the size of his other leg.
01:17:27.000 Yeah.
01:17:27.000 He took all these photos of it and posted them on Twitter, like, as it was healing.
01:17:31.000 It was just a giant purple sausage.
01:17:33.000 It was crazy.
01:17:34.000 Crazy.
01:17:35.000 Or when you see the leg kicks that knock the guy's leg back, like when the guy's standing there and that leg kick that sweeps.
01:17:39.000 Like if you kick a guy's leg hard enough to sweep it back where he's almost off balance, man, that's a really hard kick.
01:17:46.000 And when Silva kicked me, I kept trying to get him to kick a little harder because he was going so gently.
01:17:50.000 He's a nice guy.
01:17:51.000 He's a very nice guy.
01:17:52.000 He's such a meek, pleasant fellow.
01:17:54.000 And then he just kicked me slightly harder.
01:17:58.000 And he just jarred my head when he kicked me in the arm.
01:18:00.000 I had a headache for two hours.
01:18:02.000 Because my head jarred and I wasn't ready for, you know...
01:18:05.000 Yeah, well that's, you know, one of the places where concussions take place.
01:18:09.000 Like, everyone thinks a concussion is when you get hit in the head.
01:18:11.000 But this doctor is explaining to me that a concussion is anything that happens from your chest up.
01:18:16.000 Like, you can get hit really hard in a football match.
01:18:19.000 You can get hit really hard, like, in the chest, in a game.
01:18:23.000 And you get a concussion.
01:18:24.000 Because the impact that makes your head bounce around...
01:18:27.000 Your brain sloshes around inside your skull, and you get a concussion from that.
01:18:31.000 So you don't even have to get hit in the head to get a concussion.
01:18:34.000 Yeah, it's every one of those moves hurt a lot, and when you feel the grip that a guy like that puts on you, like a cane is a fucking monster, but anyone who puts a grip on you, it is simply...
01:18:47.000 An unbreakable situation I'm in.
01:18:49.000 Like, I am only alive and not fucked in the ass because he's choosing not to do those things.
01:18:55.000 It's a really weird feeling to be...
01:18:57.000 It makes you...
01:18:59.000 Maybe the older you get, the more aware you are that bad shit can happen, but it makes you very cautious in life.
01:19:05.000 Like, these are the guys that are walking around and, like, You try not to start confrontations with people for no reason because you don't know who has a pistol.
01:19:12.000 That woman who assaulted Anthony had no idea that he's a guy with a gun.
01:19:16.000 And lucky for her, he's not a maniac with a gun.
01:19:19.000 He's just a shit talker on Twitter.
01:19:20.000 What if he just had a really good leg kick?
01:19:23.000 I'm not going to punch a broad, but whack!
01:19:27.000 But then they would have said he struck a woman.
01:19:29.000 Yeah.
01:19:30.000 And then he would have been even probably more fucked because there would have been legal proceedings.
01:19:32.000 You know, she would have said this...
01:19:34.000 Why didn't he just show the gun?
01:19:35.000 No, no, no.
01:19:36.000 Very illegal.
01:19:37.000 Yes.
01:19:38.000 Yes.
01:19:39.000 Especially when you look like fucking...
01:19:40.000 That's why you don't have a gun.
01:19:40.000 You can't just show it?
01:19:42.000 No.
01:19:42.000 You're not supposed to do that.
01:19:43.000 First of all, Ant looks like Chef from Apocalypse Now.
01:19:45.000 Nobody wants him to be flashing a gun.
01:19:46.000 Joey Cola told me that he was working at Pips in Brooklyn and some guy in the front row was heckling him and showing him his gun.
01:19:53.000 You fucking piece of shit.
01:19:55.000 You fucking piece of shit.
01:19:56.000 You fucking terrible.
01:19:57.000 Saying all this crazy shit to him.
01:19:59.000 And he goes, I just gotta keep going with my jokes.
01:20:02.000 I'm up there telling my jokes.
01:20:03.000 You know Joey Cola.
01:20:04.000 Nicest guy in the world.
01:20:05.000 And he's on stage and this guy keeps brandishing his gut.
01:20:09.000 Is Pips even around anymore?
01:20:11.000 It's not even around anymore.
01:20:12.000 I just talked to a guy the other night who said he used to own Pips.
01:20:14.000 He was like, we were always trying to get you in there.
01:20:15.000 I did it when the Schultzes had it.
01:20:17.000 And then I think Ray Garvey took over and Ray died.
01:20:20.000 He had stomach cancer.
01:20:21.000 Did you know Ray or no?
01:20:22.000 No.
01:20:22.000 I never worked there.
01:20:23.000 I did a few spots there.
01:20:24.000 I never worked there either.
01:20:25.000 I probably went there with Otto one time because Dice was already long gone.
01:20:29.000 Dice used to do that place a lot, right?
01:20:30.000 That's where he's from.
01:20:31.000 Dangerfield, all those guys from Pips.
01:20:33.000 But George Schultz had it.
01:20:35.000 Seth Schultz.
01:20:38.000 I think Marty and Seth had it when I did it.
01:20:41.000 Dangerfield still around?
01:20:42.000 It is, yeah.
01:20:43.000 Still going strong?
01:20:43.000 I haven't done it in a long time.
01:20:45.000 I used to do that.
01:20:46.000 That was one of the ones that helped me work on my shit because you get 25 minutes to go up and I would put some notes on the piano.
01:20:52.000 There's that black piano.
01:20:54.000 It reminds me of the comedy store.
01:20:56.000 And you'd go up and there's a history there and just do your shit.
01:20:59.000 And I worked out a lot of fucking material.
01:21:02.000 I paid my rent.
01:21:03.000 When I lived with Jim Florentine in North Jersey, I would do seven spots on a Saturday and six on a Friday.
01:21:10.000 And I would do Dangerfield Cellar, Dangerfield Cellar from fucking First Avenue and 60th to West 30th and McDougal.
01:21:15.000 And I drove and I'd have to park my stupid fucking Saturn.
01:21:19.000 And you knew where to park.
01:21:20.000 It was a whole system I got into.
01:21:22.000 But Dangerfield's really helped me develop as a comic.
01:21:25.000 Did you ever do the prom shows there?
01:21:26.000 Yes, I did.
01:21:27.000 They're horrible.
01:21:27.000 But you were making $75 a set, and it was like, fuck, not bad.
01:21:30.000 And you did a lot of sets.
01:21:31.000 How many sets do we do a night?
01:21:33.000 Sometimes you do, it depends on how many fucking awful teenagers are coming in, but sometimes it'd be three or four.
01:21:39.000 A night you could make an extra $300, or sometimes just one.
01:21:43.000 One of the most painful prom shows ever is I did Caroline's years ago, and I did a prom set, and Willie, Tyler, and Lester were on the show.
01:21:52.000 And, you know, I knew them from, you know, Solid Gold, whatever shows.
01:21:55.000 Very nice guy.
01:21:56.000 One of the best ventriloquists ever.
01:21:58.000 And he's on stage.
01:21:59.000 And it was just not for the kids.
01:22:01.000 You know, it was a little like...
01:22:02.000 And he's doing some song.
01:22:04.000 I believe I can fly.
01:22:06.000 You know, and the fucking puppet's singing.
01:22:07.000 It's a fun song.
01:22:08.000 And these kids from the Bronx were just...
01:22:11.000 I'm not enjoying it.
01:22:12.000 It was ugly.
01:22:13.000 Fly home, motherfucker!
01:22:14.000 You suck!
01:22:15.000 Oh, it was horrible.
01:22:18.000 And he smiled and kept it professional and didn't acknowledge any of it.
01:22:23.000 I talked about take your money and get out.
01:22:24.000 That's what he did.
01:22:25.000 Do you remember Al Lubel?
01:22:26.000 Sure, I do.
01:22:27.000 Al Lubel.
01:22:27.000 I heard he had a giant cock.
01:22:29.000 That's what I remember about Al Lubel.
01:22:30.000 I've heard he had a big cock, yeah.
01:22:31.000 Al Lubel was on stage.
01:22:32.000 We were doing prom shows at Dangerfields.
01:22:34.000 And a kid got on stage, this big football player kid.
01:22:38.000 Came on stage, took the microphone from Alabel and blew cigar smoke in his face.
01:22:42.000 Had a cigar.
01:22:44.000 And he was standing on stage and all his friends were cheering and no one did anything about it.
01:22:48.000 I was like, wow!
01:22:49.000 That's why I stopped working there.
01:22:50.000 Not because it didn't happen to me, but they wouldn't...
01:22:52.000 I didn't feel they took...
01:22:54.000 They didn't protect the comics enough...
01:22:56.000 From hecklers, like they would never throw people out, and that's why I stopped working there.
01:22:59.000 Well, it's very much like the Comedy Store in that way.
01:23:01.000 Both old, sort of dark places, and both with no crowd control.
01:23:05.000 Yeah.
01:23:05.000 They had one guy.
01:23:06.000 Do you remember Bobby?
01:23:07.000 Oh, I met Bobby one time.
01:23:10.000 Bobby would take care of shit.
01:23:11.000 I worked with Bobby a lot.
01:23:12.000 He was a Scottish guy who was about 5'8 wide and 5'8 tall.
01:23:18.000 He was a fucking tank, this guy.
01:23:20.000 But he wasn't fat, right?
01:23:21.000 He was like a bull.
01:23:21.000 Well, you know, he wasn't the skinniest guy in the world, but he was a power lifter.
01:23:25.000 And he was strong as fuck.
01:23:27.000 And something happened, I forget what it was, but I saw him pick a guy up by his neck.
01:23:33.000 He literally grabbed this guy by the back of his neck and picked him up like a kitten.
01:23:38.000 Like, he had his hand on this guy's neck, hoisted him up out of his chair, grabbed his belt, and just carried him out.
01:23:44.000 And the guy just went limp.
01:23:46.000 Like, feeling how strong Bobby was, he's just like, fuck this.
01:23:49.000 He just completely went limp, and Bobby carried him outside and tossed him.
01:23:52.000 Yeah, he's a legendary guy, Bobby.
01:23:55.000 Everyone loved him.
01:23:56.000 Whatever happened to that guy?
01:23:57.000 He died.
01:23:58.000 He died a long time ago.
01:23:59.000 Yeah, he died many years ago.
01:24:01.000 What did he die of?
01:24:02.000 I don't know, actually.
01:24:03.000 I think Tony's son, Tony who ran it with Rodney, his son took over for a while.
01:24:08.000 And I haven't seen his son Darren in many years either, but he was the guy I kind of got to know.
01:24:11.000 Yeah, I knew Darren.
01:24:12.000 It was Darren.
01:24:12.000 And Bobby I only met once when I went in there with somebody.
01:24:15.000 Oh, that sucks that that guy died.
01:24:17.000 Yeah, man, I heard that.
01:24:18.000 I never got to Newman.
01:24:19.000 I kind of wish I did.
01:24:20.000 He was such a vibrant character.
01:24:21.000 I can't believe he died.
01:24:22.000 Well, I know him and the kid.
01:24:24.000 Him and Darren ended up falling out.
01:24:25.000 Right, the kid.
01:24:26.000 That was what he called it, right?
01:24:27.000 Yeah.
01:24:27.000 The kid.
01:24:28.000 The bag of shite.
01:24:30.000 Yeah, bag of shite.
01:24:30.000 Everything was a bag of shite.
01:24:32.000 No talent, bag of shite.
01:24:33.000 You go up there, you tricked him again, Rogan.
01:24:36.000 Every time we go, if I had good laughs, he would say, oh, you tricked him again, Rogan.
01:24:40.000 Comedians said he was funnier than any of the comics, too.
01:24:42.000 Oh, he was very funny.
01:24:43.000 He was very, very funny.
01:24:44.000 He was a hilarious guy.
01:24:45.000 I enjoyed that guy very much.
01:24:47.000 I would go there looking forward to seeing him.
01:24:49.000 I'm bummed that...
01:24:50.000 I never got to work the old catch, either, when Louis Ferrando was there.
01:24:53.000 I went in there a couple times.
01:24:55.000 I might have done one set there, but I never worked there.
01:24:57.000 The catch on 2nd Avenue.
01:24:58.000 That was my first set I ever did in New York.
01:25:00.000 Catch?
01:25:00.000 Yeah, I did when I was auditioning for Sussman.
01:25:03.000 I did some sets in Boston, then he had me come out to New York and audition out there.
01:25:07.000 And the first set I ever did in New York, I was fucking...
01:25:09.000 Terrified out of my mind was at catch.
01:25:12.000 I got there early.
01:25:13.000 I drove down from Boston, wandered around the neighborhood, shit in my pants, terrified.
01:25:18.000 I always had this thing in my head about doing stand-up in New York for whatever reason.
01:25:22.000 I just thought that New York was harder.
01:25:24.000 The people were smarter.
01:25:26.000 When I got on stage, I realized they were just people.
01:25:28.000 But up until that moment, I was like, they're living in the city.
01:25:32.000 These are people that live in the city, in New York City.
01:25:36.000 It has this air about it, this very intimidating air.
01:25:39.000 Well, because, you know, comedians, they think, like, well, New York's the big city.
01:25:42.000 If you work there, there's this illusion or this deluded nature of how the comedians in New York are smarter.
01:25:48.000 Some of them are, like, you know, you get Attell and Colin, who are geniuses.
01:25:51.000 But you have plenty of shitty, hacked comics.
01:25:54.000 Oh, yeah.
01:25:54.000 Plenty of dumb audiences.
01:25:56.000 Plenty of fucking...
01:25:57.000 I mean, the Comedy Cellar is my home, and it's my favorite place in the world.
01:26:01.000 And you'll still have a bachelorette party.
01:26:03.000 I was on stage, maybe a few months ago, killing on a Saturday.
01:26:08.000 Really, one of those sets that you're just fucking hammering.
01:26:10.000 And right before I get off, these fucking middle-aged bachelorettes, one of them goes, Say something funny!
01:26:18.000 It's like no matter where you are, no matter how good your show is, there's always that element.
01:26:25.000 Thank God I was killing.
01:26:26.000 I really brutalized her.
01:26:27.000 It was good for you.
01:26:28.000 I wish I was there.
01:26:29.000 I couldn't have said cunt faster if I had been programmed to say it at that moment.
01:26:35.000 It flew out so naturally and beautifully.
01:26:37.000 Which during a bad set is a bad thing because then the crowd totally agrees with the person.
01:26:42.000 But in that moment, is there anything better than calling someone a cunt and fucking the crowd cheers?
01:26:46.000 Yeah, the angry bachelorette party attendants.
01:26:49.000 Do you record your sets?
01:26:51.000 I do.
01:26:51.000 Every one I videotape on a little GoPro.
01:26:55.000 You videotape them all?
01:26:57.000 Well, yeah.
01:26:57.000 Because I'm more creative when I do that because I know if I want to improv on something, I will because I'm taping it so I know I'll have it.
01:27:04.000 Right.
01:27:05.000 I record everything audio.
01:27:06.000 I just use my iPhone.
01:27:08.000 I put it on there.
01:27:09.000 Oh, okay.
01:27:10.000 But it is good to see yourself, too.
01:27:12.000 Well, it's also easier to go forward.
01:27:14.000 I can zip through it a little bit easier.
01:27:16.000 You know where stuff is.
01:27:17.000 I know where stuff is in my iPhone.
01:27:19.000 I don't trust that being out.
01:27:20.000 That's got to stay in the pocket because there's just too much shit on there that it cannot be lost.
01:27:25.000 There's too many inexplicable photos.
01:27:29.000 But the NSA has your photos.
01:27:31.000 Let them have them.
01:27:32.000 They're not buying tickets to see me.
01:27:34.000 Have you seen that fucking new revelation that came out today that Edward Snowden was saying that they were passing, the NSA guys were passing back and forth naked photographs that they got through searches?
01:27:44.000 They would also do searches on their ex-girlfriends because they had access.
01:27:49.000 Wow.
01:27:50.000 Yeah.
01:27:50.000 So they'd find compromising photos, and they would share them with each other.
01:27:54.000 They would send this one to Tom, and Tom would send that one to Billy.
01:27:57.000 Look what Bobby found.
01:27:59.000 And these people that they were investigating, naked terrorist shots, some chick in a burger with a big hairy beaver.
01:28:04.000 Oh, really?
01:28:04.000 I don't know.
01:28:05.000 I'm guessing.
01:28:06.000 You know, it's funny.
01:28:07.000 My views on the NSA is as bad as they are, that's what we deserve.
01:28:11.000 We're the nosiest fucking culture.
01:28:14.000 All we do is mind everybody's business.
01:28:17.000 There's nothing an American loves more than to stick our fucking face in somebody's privacy.
01:28:22.000 And it made me so happy when that shit happened because it was like, good, you motherfuckers.
01:28:27.000 Where were you all these years defending people's right to be assholes in private?
01:28:32.000 We're voyeurs.
01:28:33.000 We love it.
01:28:33.000 And now when it's turned on us, we don't like it.
01:28:35.000 Did you see the newest one about the British spies manipulating polls?
01:28:39.000 Yes, online polls and YouTube hits and videos.
01:28:43.000 I mean, it's literally everything that Alex Jones has been saying for years.
01:28:47.000 Everybody's been calling him crazy.
01:28:48.000 He's vindicated.
01:28:50.000 I mean, he's been saying that the propaganda machine...
01:28:54.000 They're using government propaganda and all sorts of hacking tools.
01:28:58.000 It's really a fascinating thing.
01:29:00.000 A collection of hacking tools, some of which are specifically suited for spreading disinformation, were exposed in a leaked 2012 document provided by Snowden to The Intercept.
01:29:09.000 This is an online publication led by Glenn Greenwald, the journalist, blah, [...
01:29:15.000 So, I mean, they underpass a tool that lets government...
01:29:20.000 Change the outcome of online polls.
01:29:22.000 They can change the outcome of online polls.
01:29:26.000 Bombay, it can increase website hits and rankings.
01:29:29.000 So they can increase website hits, change online polls.
01:29:32.000 What was this used for?
01:29:33.000 For propaganda.
01:29:36.000 Amplification of a given message, normally video on a popular multimedia website, gateway, which will artificially increase traffic to a website, slipstream, which will infiltrate page views on a website.
01:29:49.000 So what they could do is they could put up a website, make that website look super popular, make it look like it's gone viral.
01:29:54.000 There's something that Alex is not explaining there, if that's where that's from.
01:29:58.000 No, it's not Alex.
01:29:59.000 It's coming from Snowden.
01:30:00.000 I did a red-eye the other night.
01:30:04.000 Did you ever have Mike Baker on your podcast?
01:30:05.000 He used to be in the CIA. No.
01:30:07.000 And now he's not.
01:30:08.000 Mike hates Snowden because he was a CIA guy.
01:30:11.000 But he's really interesting.
01:30:12.000 He said something about just in passing, Mike was talking about these websites and boosting the hits up.
01:30:17.000 And he goes, people don't understand that we really are still engaged in it.
01:30:21.000 He goes, I know it's not popular to say that there's a bad guy, but there is.
01:30:23.000 And he goes, then you build these fucking sites because you build them because you want to develop relationships.
01:30:28.000 And that hadn't occurred to me.
01:30:30.000 Certain sites are made to look more popular that the government is running and then the people that come to them who are actually involved in that type of shit, you now see who's coming to these sites and then where they're going and you develop relationships with these people and you get to know them that way.
01:30:45.000 It's not always just about… A lot of it is stuff that we'll never find out about.
01:30:51.000 But he would explain it much better.
01:30:53.000 Just in that little moment, it made me see something that I hadn't considered.
01:30:57.000 I'm sure they're doing dirty shit with it too, like those photos.
01:31:01.000 And again, I know the government's propaganda-driven, but there's also legit uses for it.
01:31:06.000 That I think might have been compromised.
01:31:08.000 There's definitely legit uses for it, but what Snowden's point was that you're having these 18 to 22-year-old kids, and you're giving them this massive amount of responsibility, and that it's just not cool, and there's very little oversight.
01:31:20.000 He's like, it's very little oversight in these offices.
01:31:23.000 Yeah, I mean, what was Baker's, what was his argument against Snowden, what Snowden did?
01:31:28.000 I've only seen, he's on Red Eye a lot, and he hates him, so I only saw a little piece of it on the episode we did together, but Mike's a really logical, you'd love him.
01:31:38.000 Like, he's a great talker, he's funny, he's like, he's not some, you know, he's not some...
01:31:44.000 Propaganda spewing asshole.
01:31:45.000 He's got his talking points, but he's a really smart dude.
01:31:47.000 I think you'd love to have him.
01:31:48.000 I would love to have him.
01:31:49.000 I would love to hear what the argument against Snowden is.
01:31:52.000 Because in my opinion, what he was doing was something...
01:31:54.000 What he released was information that let the American people know that the government was doing something that's unconstitutional.
01:32:03.000 And they were doing it, and they were doing it like they had the right to do it.
01:32:06.000 And they're going to continue to have the right to do it.
01:32:08.000 And if they catch him, they're going to lock him in jail.
01:32:11.000 For exposing, in a way, everything that Obama said when he was running for office.
01:32:16.000 He said that they were going to have greater protection of whistleblowers, anybody that was showing that they were doing something, that someone was doing something that was illegal, he was going to protect them.
01:32:26.000 Meanwhile, they had to delete that off of his website because they kept it up until like a year and a half ago.
01:32:32.000 And then finally, you know, people started pointing it out when all the Snowden shit was going down, the Hope and Change website, and they finally redacted it all.
01:32:38.000 But...
01:32:39.000 Yeah, it's a very weird – because I agree with you.
01:32:41.000 I think that what he did to a certain degree is really good.
01:32:44.000 I don't want the government having that ability.
01:32:46.000 My point of view on it is I'm so disgusted with the public and I'm so disgusted with what voyeurs we are and how we refuse to acknowledge that and how we sit there and judge people.
01:32:56.000 Like Donald Sterling.
01:32:57.000 The guy is a twat, obviously.
01:32:59.000 But the way everyone sits there and fucking self-righteously judges this guy, and I love the fact that he's a fucking miserable, parrot-voiced 81-year-old who now wants to fucking hire private investigators to go after every NBA owner and uncover shit.
01:33:14.000 It's like none of them stood tall and said, look, this guy's a piece of garbage, but you know what?
01:33:18.000 I've said a lot of ugly things in my private life, too.
01:33:21.000 And what he said was minor.
01:33:23.000 Compared to the privacy of his own home.
01:33:25.000 There was no racial slurs.
01:33:27.000 What he said is, don't bring these black guys around.
01:33:29.000 Don't take pictures with them.
01:33:31.000 Molly's trying to fuck this chick, by the way.
01:33:33.000 He's just trying to get past all this and fuck her.
01:33:36.000 He's like, I mean, that is what he said when he was talking about it.
01:33:38.000 He goes, look, I was trying to get laid.
01:33:39.000 I was telling her, look, don't bring these guys around.
01:33:41.000 He even said to her, if you want to fuck them, fuck them.
01:33:44.000 Is he my favorite person?
01:33:45.000 No.
01:33:46.000 Is he a racist?
01:33:47.000 Probably.
01:33:47.000 Is he a piece of shit?
01:33:49.000 By all accounts.
01:33:50.000 Sure.
01:33:50.000 But so what?
01:33:51.000 How do you fine a guy $2.5 million for telling his girlfriend not to bring black guys around to games?
01:33:58.000 That's crazy.
01:33:59.000 Right.
01:33:59.000 It's his girlfriend.
01:34:00.000 He's not saying you don't associate with those people because they are below human.
01:34:04.000 He's not saying anything crazy and racist.
01:34:05.000 He's like, look, you're bringing guys around that are definitely going to fuck you and it makes me look bad.
01:34:10.000 Yeah.
01:34:11.000 That's all he's saying.
01:34:11.000 That's all he's saying.
01:34:12.000 And even if he was being a creepy racist, even if he was, the fact that it was in private, and they got the, I think in California, there's only two states, one party notification states.
01:34:23.000 I'm thinking they're New York and Vegas.
01:34:25.000 Nevada is one, yeah.
01:34:27.000 And I think that the fact that it was illegally obtained information.
01:34:31.000 And again, I think the guy, Abdul Jabbar wrote a fucking genius article on why this guy should have been gone after before for a lot of the housing discrimination stuff, but not for this.
01:34:42.000 And no one gave a fuck when it was that, but now that it's language, they're going after him.
01:34:45.000 Yeah, and then they're using the housing discrimination stuff to justify.
01:34:48.000 They're going after him about this.
01:34:50.000 Like, no, look, the housing discrimination stuff is fucked.
01:34:53.000 You're right.
01:34:54.000 If you want to fine them for that, then it should be some sort of another organization, not the NBA. NBA just reacted.
01:35:00.000 Again, they panicked.
01:35:01.000 They reacted quickly.
01:35:02.000 And not one of these owners has a clean fucking backyard.
01:35:06.000 Maybe they haven't said racist stuff, but a lot of them have probably fucked around on their wives.
01:35:10.000 A lot of them have probably said sexist stuff.
01:35:12.000 So I love the fact that Sterling's going to hire...
01:35:16.000 But this is how dirty it gets when people aren't honest about our own ugliness.
01:35:20.000 And that's why when a guy like Snowden does what he does, it's like, the NSA, yeah, they're shitty, but fuck the public.
01:35:30.000 Because the public didn't stand up in the fucking defense of privacy when it was Donald Sterling.
01:35:36.000 We only care about it when it's ourselves.
01:35:38.000 And if we were a public that would never have tolerated that from the government, they wouldn't do it.
01:35:43.000 Or they would do it and be terrified to do it knowing that we were going to revolt.
01:35:47.000 But they know that we'll just take it because we're nosy cunts and we don't really bother.
01:35:51.000 We like invading people's privacy and Tiger Woods' text messages.
01:35:55.000 Ooh, we can't get enough of Mel Gibson's voicemails.
01:35:58.000 We're fucking scumbags just sitting home wringing our hands.
01:36:01.000 Have you ever heard what sociologists say about that when it comes to gossip and things along those lines?
01:36:06.000 They believe that we no longer have communities like we used to have when we were tribal organizations, when we were groups of 50 to 150, 200 people, small groups.
01:36:16.000 And then we used to know each other's business because we had to be aware.
01:36:19.000 We had to know who was a good guy, who was a bad guy.
01:36:22.000 We had to talk and exchange.
01:36:24.000 And we also had to figure out what other people liked and tolerated, what was accepted in our community.
01:36:30.000 And now we don't really have these sort of relationships with our neighbors anymore.
01:36:34.000 And so celebrity gossip, gossip that's in the news, whenever someone is doing something, it becomes extra juicy to us.
01:36:41.000 Because we don't have this normal communication amongst the people that we have in our local community.
01:36:50.000 Yeah, that is true.
01:36:51.000 Who do you know in your building?
01:36:54.000 Almost nobody.
01:36:55.000 It's funny, as we speak, Obama's in my building in New York doing a fundraiser.
01:36:58.000 He doesn't live there.
01:36:59.000 In your building?
01:36:59.000 He's in my apartment building, yeah.
01:37:00.000 Can you get in there while he's there, or is it some fucking pain in the dick?
01:37:03.000 I probably could.
01:37:04.000 I mean, he might be gone already.
01:37:06.000 He was some Democratic fundraiser.
01:37:07.000 But I don't know.
01:37:08.000 The point is, I don't know the neighbor he's seeing.
01:37:11.000 He's probably seeing one of the neighbors for a fundraiser, and I have no idea who it is.
01:37:13.000 How annoying.
01:37:14.000 I would love to be there, though.
01:37:15.000 It'd be kind of fun.
01:37:16.000 Just to be in the elevator with him?
01:37:18.000 Him and Michio Kaku together.
01:37:20.000 Oh, Michio Kaku, who I saw the other day, by the way, walking into the building, and I'm like, hi.
01:37:25.000 He literally, if a fucking rabbit ran by, he would have recognized it more than me, who he sat as close as we are and talked.
01:37:32.000 He's a genius, but he's a fucking weird dude.
01:37:34.000 He's a very weird dude.
01:37:35.000 Oh, hi, hi.
01:37:36.000 He's always frightened.
01:37:37.000 He always makes fun because he refuses to, like, you just can't say hello.
01:37:40.000 Hi, Dr. Kaku.
01:37:41.000 How many times have you been assaulted that you're so timid when people say hello to you?
01:37:45.000 He gets shit on by other scientists, you know.
01:37:48.000 Well, he oversimplifies it.
01:37:50.000 Like, I like Brian Green is the guy's name.
01:37:52.000 And I also like Neil deGrasse Tyson.
01:37:55.000 Neil's great.
01:37:56.000 Because they simplify it because we are dumbbells in comparison to them.
01:37:59.000 But they don't talk to us like we're complete blithering.
01:38:03.000 Like, you know, Dr. Kaku breaks it down like, you know, and if you look at it like everyone is a lemon drop.
01:38:08.000 It's like, all right, I don't have a fucking PhD.
01:38:11.000 But I understand that, you know, cells exist.
01:38:13.000 We can find somewhere in the middle to, you know.
01:38:15.000 Yeah, I don't know why.
01:38:16.000 Doesn't Dr. Steve get upset at him?
01:38:19.000 Oh, yeah.
01:38:20.000 Dr. Steve is my favorite.
01:38:21.000 I love him.
01:38:22.000 He's the fucking best.
01:38:23.000 He took physics.
01:38:25.000 He's another brilliant guy.
01:38:27.000 Yeah, I just don't like him.
01:38:29.000 That's his voice.
01:38:30.000 Yeah, he's just a fucking idiot.
01:38:34.000 He knows he's smart, but he doesn't like the way Dr. Steve will...
01:38:37.000 I mean, Dr. Kaku will kind of...
01:38:38.000 I guess they look at him like we would look at a comedian doing girl fart jokes on TV. He's a hack.
01:38:44.000 Like, oh no, look, he's got the puppet.
01:38:46.000 The puppet's saying naughty things.
01:38:47.000 Oh boy, he's great.
01:38:49.000 Is there anything worse than when people will come up to you and go like, oh, and I love this comedian, and you're like, I want to just bite your fucking nose off.
01:38:54.000 You were so funny, but you know what my favorite is?
01:38:57.000 And you go, oh, you just ruined everything.
01:39:00.000 Or my favorite joke of yours, and they'll name a joke that you're like, oh, Christ, that was the fucking joke I should have my throat slit for.
01:39:07.000 That was from 1996. Yeah.
01:39:09.000 Can't believe anyone remembers it.
01:39:10.000 I'm sad.
01:39:11.000 Yeah, I used to do a joke about getting a Woody, and I called it a Woody.
01:39:16.000 You ever remember your old stuff and just die a little death inside?
01:39:20.000 Remember it.
01:39:20.000 It's online.
01:39:21.000 You can watch it.
01:39:22.000 There's a video of me from Caroline's.
01:39:24.000 Not Caroline's.
01:39:26.000 Rascals.
01:39:27.000 Oh, wow.
01:39:28.000 Was it the TV show?
01:39:29.000 Yeah, wearing terrible clothes, telling terrible jokes.
01:39:33.000 Wallpaper shirt.
01:39:34.000 Yeah.
01:39:34.000 I've got a recording somewhere of my third or fourth time ever on stage.
01:39:40.000 I have a whole stack of shit that I saved, and one of them is the third or fourth time I was ever on stage.
01:39:45.000 It's a cassette recording.
01:39:46.000 It's just hot death.
01:39:47.000 Is it good stuff?
01:39:48.000 Hot death.
01:39:50.000 Yeah.
01:39:51.000 It's great you have it, though.
01:39:53.000 I guess.
01:39:53.000 I've looked at it in fear for fucking 20 years.
01:39:56.000 It's oddly humiliating and exposing when you see that stuff.
01:40:00.000 Like, I wonder if other performers look at their old shit.
01:40:03.000 Like, we did a thing on ONA where we, I'm sure you maybe heard some of it, where we brought in our old tapes and got killed for it.
01:40:09.000 This is back on IDW. And I brought in a tape of me from 1993 where I had like 20 minutes of material and I was a fucking please-love-me, happy-go-lucky, high-energy fraud.
01:40:24.000 How we doing?
01:40:26.000 It's humiliating in a weird level.
01:40:28.000 I had like purple pants.
01:40:29.000 I was a dog.
01:40:31.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:40:32.000 They were like those workout pants from the 80s.
01:40:36.000 Whatever they were with the Velcro front.
01:40:38.000 And I would bring an enema in a bag on stage and talk about it because enemas were addicting.
01:40:43.000 You wouldn't even be friends.
01:40:45.000 Colin Quinn told me, he's like, it's hard for me to look at you listening to this.
01:40:49.000 I can't acknowledge it.
01:40:50.000 And we did this in 2000, so it was 17 years after I had done it.
01:40:55.000 Wow.
01:40:55.000 But the guys that came in to talk about my tape were Colin, Patrice, and Voss were the guys that dissected my tape.
01:41:03.000 And it was one of the most savage...
01:41:07.000 Assaults of all time.
01:41:09.000 And we did Voss' tape, too, when he had the fucking bad teeth and the greasy long locks.
01:41:13.000 Voss looked like a rat.
01:41:15.000 Did you ever see Voss?
01:41:16.000 Yes, I knew him.
01:41:17.000 His old headshot.
01:41:17.000 Oh, that's right, that's right.
01:41:18.000 I knew Voss back then.
01:41:19.000 He was...
01:41:20.000 I was a fast talker, fucking please love me.
01:41:27.000 Oh, hunched over.
01:41:29.000 Like, I used to smoke a lot of pot.
01:41:30.000 Like, ugh.
01:41:31.000 I met Voss, I think, in 90 or 91. We were all terrible then, though.
01:41:36.000 I mean, that's just the one thing that I always stress to every comedian.
01:41:39.000 No one starts out good.
01:41:41.000 They just don't.
01:41:43.000 You know, they just don't.
01:41:44.000 Everyone sucks at first.
01:41:46.000 And especially when you're young, because you don't have shit to say.
01:41:49.000 When I was 21, who the fuck am I to be talking?
01:41:52.000 You know, I don't have anything to say.
01:41:54.000 The only thing that I had to say about anything that was funny at all was sex.
01:41:57.000 Because it's the only thing I knew.
01:41:59.000 I mean, everything I knew besides that.
01:42:01.000 I mean, what did I know about politics?
01:42:03.000 What did I know about the way the world worked?
01:42:04.000 What did I know about anything?
01:42:05.000 I had no opinions about anything.
01:42:07.000 Yeah, but it wasn't even the bad jokes I had.
01:42:10.000 It wasn't even the poorly written jokes, which they were.
01:42:13.000 It was the fucking behavior, the wacky character, the lack of connection to who I am as a person.
01:42:21.000 It makes you want to fucking...
01:42:23.000 I want to smash my face when I watch that.
01:42:26.000 How did you allow yourself to do this?
01:42:28.000 There's Voss.
01:42:29.000 Oh my god!
01:42:30.000 That would be so crazy!
01:42:31.000 With his perm.
01:42:32.000 Look at his gold chains.
01:42:34.000 He looks like fucking Joanie from Happy Days when she was in her early 30s.
01:42:37.000 That fucking creepy perm.
01:42:39.000 Oh, what an awful person.
01:42:40.000 There's a funny connection that we all have to each other.
01:42:42.000 We've all gone through the early days of comedy.
01:42:45.000 You know, there's something that...
01:42:47.000 It's always going to be a weird bond that we all have with each other.
01:42:51.000 And we all knew each other back in those days.
01:42:53.000 I remember the first time I met you.
01:42:55.000 I remember where we worked.
01:42:56.000 I remember you...
01:42:58.000 My first memory of Rogan was we were working in the upper deck.
01:43:01.000 I think I've told you this.
01:43:02.000 Look at Voss's teeth.
01:43:04.000 Terrible.
01:43:04.000 They were terrible.
01:43:05.000 He's gapping them.
01:43:08.000 That's creepy.
01:43:08.000 That's the boss I met.
01:43:10.000 By the way, that boss, the guy you're looking at, that ugly, awful boss, was a pussy machine.
01:43:16.000 A machine.
01:43:18.000 And he would get girls just to suck his dick in front of me, or he would try to get them to suck my dick.
01:43:24.000 Boss was the fucking team player of all time.
01:43:27.000 He's gotten more assists than almost anybody in the business.
01:43:30.000 He would get girls to just come in the closet and look at my dick.
01:43:33.000 He was a great friend.
01:43:34.000 Look at his dick.
01:43:36.000 Yeah.
01:43:36.000 He's a good dude.
01:43:37.000 He was a great guy, man.
01:43:37.000 He gets shit on a lot, buddy.
01:43:39.000 He's the best.
01:43:39.000 Voss is one of the best guys I've ever known.
01:43:42.000 So where did we meet?
01:43:43.000 Upper Deck.
01:43:43.000 It was a Pat Guarini gig, I think.
01:43:45.000 Upper Deck.
01:43:45.000 Where's that?
01:43:46.000 In Lake of Pat Con, New Jersey.
01:43:48.000 Wow.
01:43:48.000 And you were on stage doing a bit about Tyson and Robin Givens.
01:43:51.000 And you said something about it.
01:43:52.000 Imagine you walk out and it's Mike Tyson.
01:43:53.000 I'd like to talk to you for a second, please.
01:43:55.000 And I just remember that line from your act.
01:43:58.000 I don't remember.
01:43:59.000 You had a lot of energy and you were a very powerful performer.
01:44:03.000 But I remember that line for some reason from your act.
01:44:06.000 Wow.
01:44:06.000 I don't even remember that line.
01:44:07.000 It's probably 92, 93. Wow.
01:44:09.000 Back in the day.
01:44:11.000 It's a fascinating thing to go through, isn't it?
01:44:13.000 Yes, I'm going to piss again.
01:44:14.000 Damn, really?
01:44:15.000 Dude, I've been holding it.
01:44:16.000 This is why I have to fly aisle.
01:44:18.000 Do you have a bladder?
01:44:19.000 Yeah, I do.
01:44:20.000 By the way, Patrice told me, he says to me, he goes, you have to be checked for diabetes.
01:44:27.000 I flew to LA for the first time with Patrice.
01:44:29.000 In the TWA, it was a 747. There's two seats and I took the window and let that fucking behemoth have the aisle seat.
01:44:36.000 And I had to keep crawling over him.
01:44:38.000 And Patrice, who was diabetic, said, you know, you gotta get checked for diabetes, man.
01:44:41.000 You piss so much.
01:44:42.000 And he fucking freaked me out.
01:44:43.000 And I don't have it.
01:44:44.000 I just have to piss.
01:44:45.000 Did you drink a lot of water?
01:44:46.000 A lot of water, a lot of caffeine.
01:44:48.000 I drank a Diet Coke before, and the caffeine does something to my fucking bladder.
01:44:52.000 Yeah, it does.
01:44:53.000 Mike Goldberg drinks a lot of those Red Bulls, and when we work together, that guy gets up and pisses like six, seven times during a broadcast.
01:44:59.000 I've wondered how you guys do that, by the way.
01:45:01.000 How do you not just jump up and piss every two minutes?
01:45:02.000 But I guess I never noticed that he did.
01:45:04.000 I can just hold it.
01:45:05.000 Really?
01:45:05.000 Yeah.
01:45:06.000 I don't know what it is.
01:45:07.000 It's that dick muscle, boo.
01:45:08.000 I got a great dick muscle, son.
01:45:10.000 Yeah.
01:45:10.000 I worked that shit out.
01:45:12.000 I don't know what it is.
01:45:13.000 I do three-hour podcasts.
01:45:14.000 It's very rare that I have to pee during a three-hour podcast unless I drank a lot of stuff before the show.
01:45:20.000 But if you drink any of those Red Bulls or those Monster Energy drinks, those will do me.
01:45:25.000 If I drink one of those, This coffee, by the way, is delicious.
01:45:29.000 It's awesome, right?
01:45:30.000 Right to the bathroom.
01:45:31.000 That's Caveman Coffee.
01:45:32.000 It's fucking great.
01:45:33.000 Caveman Coffee Company.
01:45:35.000 Yeah, I don't know what it is, man, but those monster energy drinks, whatever it is in those, taurine or whatever the fuck, the caffeinated aspect of them.
01:45:45.000 I've always had a good bladder, I guess.
01:45:48.000 I don't have to pee that much.
01:45:49.000 I could drink this whole thing, this Trenta iced coffee, and now I drink a Cocoa Cafe after 8, and I still haven't peed all day.
01:45:56.000 Those Cocoa Cafes are goddamn delicious.
01:45:58.000 They're great, aren't they?
01:45:59.000 If no one's ever had those before, what they are is it's...
01:46:01.000 And they don't pay us.
01:46:02.000 I just want to let you know.
01:46:04.000 They're just yummy.
01:46:04.000 Tastes like a Yoo-Hoo.
01:46:05.000 It's coconut water and espresso mixed together.
01:46:09.000 And they have different flavors now.
01:46:10.000 Oh, and good googly moogly.
01:46:12.000 It's delicious.
01:46:13.000 Hey, can I pump up next week?
01:46:14.000 Comic-Con.
01:46:16.000 We're bringing Comic-Con down at the American Comedy Company.
01:46:20.000 Yeah, what day is that?
01:46:21.000 It's July 23rd and July 24th.
01:46:24.000 We have Kill Tony, we have Thunder Pussy, and we also have a comedy show on the 24th with Burt Kreischer.
01:46:31.000 Excellent!
01:46:33.000 Excellent.
01:46:34.000 And I am, on the 25th, I'm going to be at the San Jose Center for the Performing Arts with Tony Hinchcliffe.
01:46:40.000 This week I'm at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City, but it's all sold out, bitches.
01:46:46.000 I'm going to go there.
01:46:47.000 Sorry.
01:46:48.000 Suck it.
01:46:49.000 I heard that place is cool.
01:46:50.000 Yeah, I heard it's cool too.
01:46:51.000 Joey keeps saying it's awesome.
01:46:53.000 Everybody I know that's been there.
01:46:54.000 You worked at Salt Lake City, right?
01:46:56.000 I have, yes.
01:46:57.000 Very good room.
01:46:58.000 The Wise Guys.
01:46:59.000 Yeah, I feel sorry for those people living in Salt Lake City, surrounded by all those Mormons, but it's beautiful there.
01:47:04.000 And Mormons are nice.
01:47:05.000 If you're going to be around religious nutters, those are the people.
01:47:08.000 Yeah, they're not mean people at all.
01:47:09.000 Bella Donna's a Mormon.
01:47:10.000 She was.
01:47:11.000 Bella Donna was.
01:47:13.000 Not while she was getting it.
01:47:15.000 No, I think they probably frowned on that career decision.
01:47:19.000 You think?
01:47:19.000 Yeah, I don't know why though.
01:47:20.000 Did she retire?
01:47:21.000 Yes, she did.
01:47:23.000 You say it like it was sadness.
01:47:25.000 Like it was like a fucking, like Babe Ruth retired.
01:47:27.000 You know, I just haven't seen her in a while.
01:47:28.000 She did.
01:47:29.000 Yeah, she made a really, I was the luckiest girl on the face of the earth.
01:47:33.000 The old Gary Cooper fucking speech.
01:47:36.000 Little Lou Gehrig for you.
01:47:37.000 I just wonder if she can hold in turds still.
01:47:39.000 That's my only question I want to know.
01:47:41.000 Because, you know, she was getting baseball bats up her pussy.
01:47:43.000 No, up her ass.
01:47:44.000 She had a baseball bat in her ass.
01:47:46.000 Did she really?
01:47:47.000 Yes.
01:47:47.000 Ah, that's cool.
01:47:48.000 Yeah, there's a video.
01:47:49.000 That's cool.
01:47:50.000 There's a video of it, and it's just so weird to watch.
01:47:54.000 It's like, okay, there you go.
01:47:56.000 Hey, women have babies, though, and they don't piss all over the place.
01:47:58.000 I guess you can still...
01:48:00.000 Yeah, but that's an asshole.
01:48:01.000 Her baseball bat went on her asshole.
01:48:03.000 Right.
01:48:04.000 When you say holding turds, I'm like, I guess those muscles, you know...
01:48:07.000 I guess, but people do have problems.
01:48:09.000 People that, like, engage in those activities...
01:48:12.000 Really?
01:48:13.000 ...do have problems stretching out their anus muscles.
01:48:16.000 Oh, I can take a little bit of a finger...
01:48:19.000 And I can't take anything else.
01:48:20.000 I was dating this chick, and her roommate had sex with her boyfriend, and he fucked her in the ass, and her sphincter must have relaxed, and she shit on him while they were sleeping.
01:48:34.000 And she shit the bed.
01:48:36.000 Oh, wow.
01:48:36.000 She shit on his dick a little bit, I don't know.
01:48:38.000 And anyway, he got up, and, you know, he was like, ugh!
01:48:42.000 And the door slammed, and the guy was, like, standing in the hallway like this.
01:48:47.000 I'll never forget, poor fuck.
01:48:50.000 And, you know, the girl I was dating telling me what happened.
01:48:53.000 I'm like, oh no.
01:48:54.000 I got shit in my mouth this year.
01:48:55.000 I told you that.
01:48:56.000 That's horrible.
01:48:58.000 What happened?
01:49:00.000 I was eating a girl's ass out who was on ecstasy for her first time and then she shit in my mouth because she couldn't feel it.
01:49:05.000 Yeah, I can see that happening.
01:49:07.000 You don't want an accidental one because that's not going to be a good one.
01:49:09.000 No.
01:49:10.000 No.
01:49:12.000 It wasn't solid either.
01:49:13.000 I think I would have preferred a solid.
01:49:15.000 Yeah, a solid one.
01:49:16.000 There's something about a solid one.
01:49:17.000 You're like, hey, this kind of looks like a fucking, you know, a smokestack.
01:49:21.000 There's something cool about it.
01:49:21.000 This is not a subject I'm really into, but there is a woman, this German woman, who does shit porn, where people shit on her, and she's like the queen of shit porn.
01:49:30.000 Don't ask me how I know this.
01:49:32.000 Somebody posted it on my message board and I followed a fucking link hole.
01:49:36.000 I went from link to link to link till I got to her site and watched some of her videos.
01:49:40.000 What's her site?
01:49:40.000 Goodegg.com?
01:49:44.000 Winner.
01:49:45.000 Winner, winner, shit dinner.
01:49:47.000 And it's just people shitting in her mouth and she's covered in shit and she eats it.
01:49:53.000 Yeah.
01:49:53.000 It's making me swallow.
01:49:55.000 Sure, hungry.
01:49:57.000 No, no, no, no.
01:49:58.000 Throwing up.
01:49:59.000 It's making me extra salivate thinking about how disgusting it was.
01:50:03.000 She was just eating logs that were coming on this guy's ass.
01:50:05.000 Yeah, guy's ass.
01:50:06.000 Guy's shit's gotta be awful.
01:50:08.000 She says it's better.
01:50:08.000 She says it's spicier because many eat more meat.
01:50:11.000 She was explaining.
01:50:12.000 Yeah, who wants a spicy log?
01:50:14.000 She's sitting there smoking cigarettes explaining in German why she loves eating shit.
01:50:19.000 She's got a stomach of a billy goat.
01:50:22.000 She never gets sick.
01:50:23.000 She fills herself up with shit.
01:50:25.000 That's great.
01:50:27.000 There's so many types of people out there in this world.
01:50:31.000 There's no normal.
01:50:33.000 There's, like, expectations of normality.
01:50:36.000 There's, like, a spectrum.
01:50:37.000 And most people fall into, like, this area.
01:50:40.000 But there's enough people out there that like watching her eat shit that she makes a living eating shit.
01:50:46.000 She has a website eating shit.
01:50:48.000 She has a member section.
01:50:49.000 She's famous for it.
01:50:51.000 They're interviewing her, asking her questions.
01:50:53.000 They're using a camera.
01:50:54.000 I mean, it's, like, the whole deal.
01:50:56.000 It's, like, she's...
01:50:58.000 It's not one person that likes watching her eat shit.
01:51:02.000 It's a whole group.
01:51:03.000 Well, the funny thing is, too, that when you think, like, the fact that she smokes on top of it, like, if there's anything that can make your breath worse than fucking eating some fucking Nazi's logs and fucking having a cigarette afterwards.
01:51:16.000 Can you imagine her burps?
01:51:18.000 The shit, cigarette shit burps?
01:51:21.000 Yeah, craft services, all fucking coffee and tuna salad.
01:51:24.000 Just really awful stuff.
01:51:26.000 You can see her sneezes.
01:51:28.000 I am almost throwing up thinking about this.
01:51:31.000 You can see her sneezes.
01:51:34.000 Like a brown spray.
01:51:36.000 It's a little awful.
01:51:37.000 A spray.
01:51:39.000 Her sneeze has fiber.
01:51:40.000 If you had a cheesecloth in front of her, she could make a Rorschach painting for you.
01:51:46.000 Yeah, shit is probably not good coming out.
01:51:48.000 Remember when we were kids, it was really hard to find anything even remotely fucked up?
01:51:52.000 Like, did you, when you were a kid, did you see, we're about, I'm 46, 45?
01:51:55.000 I'll be 46 in two days.
01:51:57.000 I'll be 47 in August.
01:51:59.000 Did you, um, did you see Barnyard Betty and any of those things?
01:52:04.000 Remember those?
01:52:05.000 Yeah, the animal fucking stuff.
01:52:07.000 Yeah.
01:52:07.000 Yeah, sure.
01:52:08.000 It was a video, and a buddy had it, and we went over to his house and watched it, and, like, one of us had to watch the door, because it was in the basement.
01:52:17.000 We were hovering over the...
01:52:18.000 Like, one person had to watch the door to let us know if anybody was coming, and then we were standing in front of this VCR, this TV with a VCR attached to it, watching this really grainy video of this chick, like, you know, very mild.
01:52:31.000 Sure.
01:52:32.000 Bestiality.
01:52:33.000 Very mild, like blowing a donkey.
01:52:35.000 Not aggressively.
01:52:36.000 Not really that into it.
01:52:37.000 She was having sex with a pig in some weird way and a German Shepherd.
01:52:41.000 And it was kind of fucked, but it was so mild in comparison to what kids see today.
01:52:48.000 Did you ever wonder what kind of an impact that's having on them?
01:52:51.000 It's got to be freaking you out.
01:52:53.000 I saw some hardcore porn pictures, the dirty movie, but if you're seeing a beheading video or legitimate car crash stuff where hardcore fucking is just the normalist thing you're going to see online.
01:53:06.000 I think that's why maybe school shooting, I'm not blaming video games, but people do become a certain desensitized to things.
01:53:14.000 I probably sound like I'm criticizing every message I've ever given, but I do think that that has something to do with desensitizing you.
01:53:20.000 It must have something to do with it.
01:53:22.000 You can't say that that's the cause for someone doing something horrible and violent, but you see so much violence and it becomes an option.
01:53:33.000 If you didn't know what a gun was, you didn't know what a school shooting was, if it didn't exist, if it wasn't on the table, it wouldn't be something that people considered.
01:53:41.000 But because of the fact we have guns, we know about guns, because of the fact that we know about school shootings, people think, you know what?
01:53:46.000 My fucking life is terrible.
01:53:48.000 I'm I'm all fucked up on antidepressants.
01:53:50.000 I'm going to go shoot up my school.
01:53:53.000 All those things do factor into the possibility of someone doing something, but you can't blame those things.
01:53:59.000 It's like, I've said that I think that we have a gun problem, a mental health problem, rather, disguised as a gun problem.
01:54:07.000 That's what I think it is, more than anything.
01:54:09.000 Because you can give a lot of people guns and they would never do anything wrong.
01:54:12.000 Right, but then he gave, you know, one fucking, one, one, like, who was the kid, Alonzo, Alonzo, or Adam Alonzo?
01:54:18.000 Yeah.
01:54:18.000 Because Alonzo, whatever the fuck his name was, his mother had the gun around the house, you know.
01:54:21.000 So even if you're not the crazy person, even if your kid is the fucking wide-eyed, you know, me, me, me shitbag that he was, the fucking, I hate the pupil in the middle of the eye with white all around it.
01:54:34.000 I know some people get mad at me, that's the real condition.
01:54:37.000 Shut up.
01:54:38.000 I'm so sick of people getting upset.
01:54:39.000 That shit in general life.
01:54:42.000 He had a weird pupil?
01:54:43.000 No, but I'm saying a lot of these...
01:54:44.000 Adderall eyes.
01:54:45.000 What is it?
01:54:46.000 Adderall eyes.
01:54:47.000 Adderall eyes?
01:54:47.000 That's how I know somebody's on Adderall is when you look at...
01:54:49.000 You can see the white around their eyeball.
01:54:51.000 You know, that's...
01:54:52.000 Because they're just like this.
01:54:53.000 Yeah.
01:54:53.000 Oh, I see what you're saying.
01:54:55.000 It's always some wacko you can see that fucking...
01:54:56.000 Jacked.
01:54:57.000 Like Garfield.
01:55:00.000 I'm sure plenty of people don't have that, aren't mentally ill who have that, but the nuts I've seen all have that.
01:55:05.000 Well, being wide-eyed, being accelerated, being on amphetamines.
01:55:10.000 When you're putting kids on Ritalin, you're putting kids on Adderall and all these different...
01:55:14.000 Those are stimulants.
01:55:16.000 One of the things that they use to treat ADHD and ADD, those are stimulants.
01:55:20.000 You know, you're jacking kids up on all kinds of crazy shit.
01:55:23.000 And that's just those things.
01:55:25.000 What about the things they put them on that are antidepressants?
01:55:28.000 And all these things that don't have a long history.
01:55:31.000 You're radically altering human neurochemistry.
01:55:34.000 Radically altering it on a daily basis with really hardcore chemicals.
01:55:38.000 That's the one thing that nobody likes to talk about when it comes to school shootings.
01:55:42.000 You know, the causation, you know, correlation of causation or whatever the fuck that term is.
01:55:47.000 That you can't necessarily connect them.
01:55:50.000 You can necessarily connect them.
01:55:52.000 You can't say it's the 100% of the cause, but when 90% of all the people that are school shooters are on antidepressants or are coming off of antidepressants, suffering withdrawal of antidepressants, at what point in time do they start looking at these chemicals that radically alter the way people react to stress,
01:56:10.000 the way people react to life itself, the way people react to negative influences?
01:56:15.000 I had a friend that was on Zoloft, and she said that when she was on it, she didn't care about anything.
01:56:21.000 Like, she was gonna write a book called, I Lost a Year of My Life, about being on Zoloft.
01:56:25.000 Because for a year, nothing bothered her.
01:56:27.000 Nothing bothered her.
01:56:28.000 And you would think that someone who's a fucking psycho, that you put them on that shit, it's also not gonna bother them to kill people.
01:56:34.000 I mean, it just totally makes sense.
01:56:36.000 Right.
01:56:36.000 Yeah, I didn't want to put in Ridley when I was a kid.
01:56:38.000 Ooh.
01:56:39.000 But my parents, I think, said no.
01:56:41.000 Thank God.
01:56:42.000 They liked me being creative.
01:56:43.000 Yeah, isn't that funny, man?
01:56:45.000 Having a lot of extra energy and anxiety that people can misinterpret that as like, oh, we gotta medicate this kid to make him quote-unquote normal.
01:56:52.000 Yeah, I was a weirdo.
01:56:53.000 I mean, you know, I was a little fucking weirdo.
01:56:55.000 Yeah, but that's how you make a comedian.
01:56:57.000 It is true, yes.
01:56:58.000 Nobody brings that up, you know?
01:57:00.000 No one ever brings that up in school.
01:57:01.000 Like, you know, Jimmy, the way you look...
01:57:03.000 There's a gal who works at this office that I go to that's very funny.
01:57:08.000 She's always saying really funny shit.
01:57:10.000 So I asked her, I go, how come you're not a comedian?
01:57:13.000 Have you ever thought about being a comedian?
01:57:14.000 And she goes, no.
01:57:15.000 I go, you're a comedian.
01:57:16.000 You've just never done it.
01:57:18.000 You've got all the traits.
01:57:20.000 You're quick with wit.
01:57:21.000 You're always trying to make people laugh.
01:57:23.000 She says creative shit.
01:57:25.000 She's very funny.
01:57:25.000 I'm like, why don't you become a comedian?
01:57:27.000 Have you ever thought about it?
01:57:28.000 She's like, no.
01:57:29.000 I was like, well...
01:57:30.000 Think about it.
01:57:31.000 How old is she?
01:57:32.000 28. Oh, okay.
01:57:33.000 Not too late.
01:57:33.000 No.
01:57:34.000 If you were 38, I'd tell you to give it up.
01:57:36.000 Yeah.
01:57:36.000 But 28, you can still do it.
01:57:37.000 Send her to Kill Tony.
01:57:38.000 I'll put her up.
01:57:39.000 I don't think she's ready.
01:57:41.000 You know, I mean, you plant seeds like that in someone's head, and who knows what they're going to take.
01:57:44.000 But...
01:57:45.000 There's a lot of people out there that that is what they could do, and they probably have a skill.
01:57:50.000 They probably have a talent, rather, and they've just never been encouraged.
01:57:54.000 No one encourages you to do that.
01:57:55.000 Yeah.
01:57:55.000 Has any guidance counselor ever said to a kid, you should be a stand-up comic?
01:57:59.000 Right.
01:57:59.000 You like doing drugs.
01:58:00.000 Look, you never show up on time.
01:58:02.000 You don't do your homework.
01:58:03.000 You're funny.
01:58:04.000 Go be a comic.
01:58:05.000 Yeah, they never encourage you to get into...
01:58:07.000 You're right.
01:58:08.000 You know, if you're music, they encourage you to take music class.
01:58:10.000 Well, they probably consider that part of the arts, the drama.
01:58:12.000 Well, take a class and see if you're...
01:58:14.000 Stand-up comedy is one of the least respected art forms that's most loved.
01:58:18.000 Yeah.
01:58:19.000 As far as, like, the process of becoming a stand-up comedian, the option of becoming a stand-up comedian is so often...
01:58:26.000 Like, my own parents.
01:58:28.000 My parents didn't have a hard time with me kickboxing.
01:58:31.000 Yeah.
01:58:32.000 But they didn't want me to do comedy.
01:58:34.000 They were like, you're doing comedy?
01:58:36.000 Like, you're not funny.
01:58:37.000 This is going to be terrible.
01:58:38.000 Yeah, there's something intangible about comedy that just scares people.
01:58:41.000 Well, they feel like you're going to be a loser.
01:58:42.000 You're going to be a loser.
01:58:43.000 Because no one wants to be the one who bombs.
01:58:46.000 And just to see someone you love up there making an ass out of themselves.
01:58:49.000 Yeah.
01:58:49.000 And not being funny.
01:58:51.000 Like, ugh.
01:58:52.000 How awful is it for a girl to go out with a guy she's dating who consistently sucks on stage?
01:58:58.000 That's just got to make her not want to fuck him.
01:59:00.000 Oh, for sure.
01:59:01.000 It's just awful.
01:59:01.000 Well, I've brought dates to shows and I've bombed.
01:59:03.000 They just didn't want to have nothing to do with me.
01:59:06.000 You can just feel it!
01:59:08.000 You know, back in the day, when I first started, I could have bombed.
01:59:12.000 I would have a good set, you know, maybe two, three sets in a row, and then every fourth or fifth set easily could go into the toilet.
01:59:19.000 Easily!
01:59:20.000 So you take a girl with you to a show?
01:59:22.000 Boy, that was taking a risk.
01:59:23.000 I never do it.
01:59:24.000 I mean, now I'll do it.
01:59:25.000 Come see me at the cellar, but I'm working on stuff or whatever on the nights that I'm there.
01:59:28.000 I hate bringing people to shows.
01:59:30.000 Especially when you're working on stuff.
01:59:32.000 Because when you're working on stuff, you're not trying to do the best show as much as you're trying to get material.
01:59:37.000 And, like, form it and get it together.
01:59:38.000 And you'll sacrifice a few minutes.
01:59:40.000 Oh, yeah.
01:59:40.000 You know, I mean, I worked on a new bit last night, and I knew, I'm like, while I'm doing this, I'm like, this is virgin territory.
01:59:48.000 It's a completely new bit.
01:59:49.000 I don't know where it's going.
01:59:51.000 And if someone was there to see you, who knows how you're going to pull out of that?
01:59:54.000 You might not pull out well.
01:59:56.000 Yeah, so I warn them though.
01:59:57.000 I'm like, excuse me, but I'm clearing my throat because of the butter.
02:00:00.000 I love it, but it makes me fucking sound like Ian Watkins on the stand.
02:00:05.000 Yeah, it's probably not the best thing to serve people on a show where they talk for three hours.
02:00:08.000 No, here, have some cottage cheese, gargle with this, and then talk for three hours.
02:00:14.000 I'm going to forget.
02:00:15.000 Can I plug my show real quick?
02:00:16.000 I'm really bad at the plugs.
02:00:18.000 I can't do it naturally, so I have to just stop the flow of everything and go, plug whore!
02:00:22.000 People want to hear it.
02:00:23.000 I'm doing a talk show on Vice, which is why I'm out in Los Angeles right now.
02:00:27.000 It comes out next Wednesday, the 23rd.
02:00:31.000 It's a talk show that I host.
02:00:33.000 What is it?
02:00:33.000 It's just me doing a monologue and a little sketch and then interviewing guests.
02:00:39.000 My first guests are actually Dana and Mike Tyson together.
02:00:42.000 Wow.
02:00:42.000 What a fucking favor Dana did me, man.
02:00:45.000 That's awesome.
02:00:45.000 Yeah, they were great.
02:00:46.000 They were really great.
02:00:49.000 And did you do it in front of an audience?
02:00:50.000 Yeah, live audience.
02:00:51.000 Where?
02:00:51.000 In New York.
02:00:52.000 Wow.
02:00:53.000 We did four pilot episodes, and it was a very odd thing because I wanted the crowd on top of me.
02:00:58.000 The audience is from where you are to me.
02:01:00.000 On top.
02:01:01.000 I wanted it comedian style.
02:01:03.000 So the camera angles.
02:01:05.000 It was hard for us to edit anything because it was supposed to be a 30 minute show.
02:01:09.000 But I wound up talking to these guys.
02:01:10.000 It went like an hour and 20. So we had to chop down to an hour.
02:01:13.000 They let me make it an hour pilot episode.
02:01:16.000 Is it for Vice.com?
02:01:18.000 Vice.com.
02:01:19.000 So it's all going to be online.
02:01:20.000 Yeah.
02:01:20.000 Beautiful.
02:01:21.000 It comes out the 23rd and there's going to be one a week for four weeks and hopefully people like the different shows and You know, the monologues, I'm allowed to kind of say what I want to say.
02:01:30.000 They didn't creatively fuck with me at all.
02:01:31.000 That's awesome, man.
02:01:33.000 They were great.
02:01:34.000 I mean, everywhere you go, they're telling you don't say this.
02:01:36.000 And, you know, it's very frustrating for a comedian.
02:01:38.000 Well, Shane Smith is one of my favorite people ever.
02:01:40.000 Yeah, he's an animal.
02:01:41.000 I love him.
02:01:41.000 He's an absolute fucking animal.
02:01:42.000 Yeah, he sent me a fucking...
02:01:45.000 We were going back and forth.
02:01:46.000 He was texting me, trying to get me to go to Africa with him.
02:01:48.000 I was like, bitch, are you out of your fucking mind?
02:01:50.000 He wants me to go to some new island, some island, rather, that they have where they've taken all these monkeys and apes that they experimented with and shot up with diseases and AIDS and all this stuff, and they've dropped them off when they're done with their experiment, and they bring them to some island.
02:02:06.000 So there's an island, like a Planet of the Apes island, that's filled with all these monkeys and apes that have gone through all these medical experiments.
02:02:13.000 And he wanted me to go there with him.
02:02:15.000 I'm like, bitch, that is the last place I'm going, man!
02:02:18.000 If you want me to go to the Bahamas and drink Mai Tais with Anthony Bourdain, I'm in.
02:02:24.000 I'm not going to an AIDS-infected monkey island.
02:02:27.000 Yeah, how about Shane invites you to somewhere fun?
02:02:29.000 You want to go and get blown?
02:02:30.000 Alright.
02:02:31.000 He doesn't want to go anywhere fun.
02:02:32.000 He wants to go to scary places.
02:02:34.000 Let's go to the Ukraine.
02:02:35.000 Fuck you.
02:02:36.000 Let's go to North Korea.
02:02:37.000 Not happening.
02:02:39.000 Dude, he's the one that interviewed a fucking general butt naked.
02:02:42.000 I'm like, what are you doing there?
02:02:44.000 Send another guy there.
02:02:46.000 He's gangster as fuck.
02:02:48.000 He gets dirty.
02:02:49.000 Yeah, he really does.
02:02:50.000 And it's like, I don't think there's anybody on top of a company of that size that is going to those places.
02:02:55.000 I'm hoping he stops doing that.
02:02:56.000 He's not going to stop doing it.
02:02:58.000 He was somewhere crazy the other day.
02:03:00.000 He was like in the Ukraine or something.
02:03:01.000 He doesn't give a fuck.
02:03:02.000 I know.
02:03:02.000 He goes to all those places and it's a part of his life.
02:03:04.000 And he comes back with a fucking burden, bro.
02:03:07.000 He's come straight from the airport right here and started drinking.
02:03:10.000 And we've done podcasts together and you could feel the burden on him.
02:03:15.000 You know, like, yeah, what is that?
02:03:17.000 This is Jim's show on Vice.
02:03:19.000 Play this.
02:03:21.000 I like the promo.
02:03:22.000 I like them.
02:03:23.000 Hi, I'm Jim Norton.
02:03:24.000 Be sure to watch my brand new show on Vice.
02:03:32.000 Reviews have been mixed.
02:03:39.000 That's great.
02:03:40.000 How could you not like that?
02:03:41.000 Oh, you like it?
02:03:41.000 Okay.
02:03:42.000 Beautiful.
02:03:43.000 Thank you.
02:03:43.000 That was a legit laugh.
02:03:46.000 The best expression Colin ever did was shame spiral.
02:03:49.000 I can't watch myself ever.
02:03:51.000 I can't watch myself.
02:03:52.000 I get fucking humiliated.
02:03:53.000 Well, that's one of the reasons why you're really good.
02:03:55.000 It's hard.
02:03:56.000 I don't like watching myself either.
02:03:59.000 Whenever I sit down on a radio show, they used to do it on K-Rock.
02:04:02.000 Every time I would do it, I would sit down and they would play this whole thing of a bunch of clips of my stand-up.
02:04:07.000 Out of context, just punchlines.
02:04:10.000 I'm like, stop.
02:04:10.000 You're making me uncomfortable.
02:04:12.000 Stop it.
02:04:13.000 Don't do it.
02:04:14.000 Don't play it.
02:04:15.000 You just made me feel a lot better, though.
02:04:16.000 Thank you.
02:04:16.000 All day I was panicking about that promo going up.
02:04:19.000 I'm like, nobody's going to laugh at it.
02:04:22.000 Confuse has been mixed.
02:04:23.000 Confuse has been mixed.
02:04:24.000 I did another promo with Tyson and, of course, Dana's in it.
02:04:28.000 And I'm like, that one I felt more secure with because this was just me.
02:04:31.000 I'm like, no one will like it.
02:04:32.000 It's great.
02:04:33.000 Thank you, Joe.
02:04:33.000 That made me feel a lot better.
02:04:34.000 Is that girl naked in the background?
02:04:35.000 It's hard to say because the TV's...
02:04:36.000 No, she has a bra on.
02:04:37.000 Our connection is...
02:04:39.000 We have to fix that.
02:04:41.000 HD to the TV. Skin color bra, though.
02:04:43.000 It's kind of hard to see.
02:04:43.000 It looks like she's naked.
02:04:45.000 Whatever it is.
02:04:46.000 Well, thank you, man.
02:04:46.000 Fucking hilarious.
02:04:46.000 That made me feel a lot better.
02:04:47.000 Her views have been mixed.
02:04:48.000 I was really genuinely panicking.
02:04:50.000 Look, I'm a child.
02:04:51.000 I'm a fan of people throwing up.
02:04:53.000 I hosted Fear Factor for six years.
02:04:55.000 Throwing up to me is always funny.
02:04:56.000 It is, right?
02:04:57.000 It is kind of...
02:04:58.000 For me, yeah.
02:04:59.000 I don't know.
02:04:59.000 I mean, just the ridiculousness of it all.
02:05:01.000 You're sitting on the edge of the bed, throwing up in a bucket.
02:05:05.000 I'm in.
02:05:05.000 And I'll say this.
02:05:07.000 Eddie Moretti, he's like, nah, I think that's the best one we should lead with.
02:05:10.000 And I was against it.
02:05:11.000 I was like, no, I don't think so.
02:05:12.000 And it's like sometimes people just...
02:05:14.000 I have to remember that there are people that see things from the outside that are no shit that I don't know.
02:05:19.000 Right.
02:05:19.000 And have a better eye than I do.
02:05:21.000 And it's like, you know how you're married to your stuffed man when you're performing or whatever, and it's like, there's people that can just see things, like, detach from the emotion of it, and go clearly, like, no, no, this is the way to start.
02:05:32.000 Like, I was wrong about that, and he was right.
02:05:33.000 And it's like, it's really hard for me to think in those terms, that I don't know what the fuck I'm always talking about.
02:05:38.000 It's hard, too, when you're going over your material, when you're editing a special, you lose the idea of what's funny and what's not funny.
02:05:45.000 You see the bits too many times, and they get really blurry sometimes.
02:05:49.000 It gets real confusing.
02:05:51.000 I'm a very bad collaborator.
02:05:53.000 We had to edit the interview with Dana and Mike, and I loved all of it because it was honest and funny and free-flowing, and Tyson was hilarious, and Dana was fucking great.
02:06:03.000 And it was like we had to chop it just because I went 40 minutes over.
02:06:07.000 So what?
02:06:07.000 It's the internet.
02:06:08.000 But the way they're letting me do it, they've already doubled how long they're letting me do it.
02:06:12.000 I'm okay with that.
02:06:13.000 And some of it was just literally, we were throwing to, we had to do a couple of throws.
02:06:17.000 Because the way Vice releases a video is they'll have more than one part to it.
02:06:20.000 Right.
02:06:20.000 They just masters at that shit.
02:06:22.000 Yeah, they are.
02:06:22.000 So I forgot to do that.
02:06:24.000 During the interview, I didn't do that.
02:06:26.000 So we had to go, all right, we just got to get a couple of pickups, which we needed.
02:06:30.000 So we had to get like, alright, we'll be right back, watch this.
02:06:32.000 So we had to tape them at the end.
02:06:34.000 And then we're doing that, and we're talking about something, but we were talking about, I had to take this pick up and put it in the middle.
02:06:40.000 Just a couple of minor things, but I got so fucking territorial about stuff, you don't want to cut any of it.
02:06:45.000 But they were actually great.
02:06:46.000 They didn't bust my balls about any of the content at all.
02:06:48.000 I don't understand wanting to edit things that are on the internet.
02:06:52.000 Unless it's some insane length.
02:06:54.000 This was just – the cuts we made, there was very little in the content area.
02:06:59.000 It was only because I didn't know how they did videos.
02:07:02.000 I didn't realize that we'd have to do it in more than one part.
02:07:04.000 And they probably had told me that and I just forgot in that moment because it was my first episode.
02:07:08.000 So I should have said – what I should have done was to keep in pace with the way they do it.
02:07:13.000 Because every series they do is really – I've watched a million of them.
02:07:15.000 They're all released in a few parts.
02:07:17.000 Right.
02:07:17.000 So if I'm going long, I should have said, alright, it's about X amount of time, we'll be right back, or go to the next, whatever the fuck I should have said, and then done it that way, but I just didn't know to do that, so...
02:07:26.000 You know what I think?
02:07:27.000 I think that's the wrong way to do it.
02:07:29.000 I think the way you did it is the right way.
02:07:31.000 Do it organically, have a conversation, and then have all the throws in post.
02:07:36.000 What do you have to fucking be there when you do it?
02:07:39.000 Just say, you know, have in the middle of the conversation, the conversation pauses, say, we'll be back with episode two next week.
02:07:46.000 Yeah, we could do that.
02:07:47.000 Why not?
02:07:47.000 Why would you want to make someone have some non-organic throw in the middle of a conversation?
02:07:53.000 That's goofy.
02:07:54.000 That just chops up the flow of the conversation and the thought process.
02:07:58.000 That may have been my mistake then.
02:08:02.000 The thing that they do is they release videos.
02:08:05.000 They know what gets the views, the part ones, the part twos.
02:08:08.000 They tried explaining it to me, how it works as a business model.
02:08:12.000 And, you know, I'm looking at it from like, like you just said, I want to have the conversation.
02:08:16.000 And they were like, things don't normally go because my set's very plain.
02:08:21.000 I like the Dick Cavett, Mike Douglas, like those fucking guys.
02:08:24.000 So I did it because, you know, they're not going to just, I should have just said, hey, look, we'll be right back or maybe done it in post.
02:08:31.000 But I just didn't think to do that at the moment.
02:08:33.000 They're like, we just got to get a couple of pickups.
02:08:34.000 That was the stage manager.
02:08:35.000 I'm like, okay, like, Right.
02:08:37.000 Maybe I could have said to him, now do it in post, and he might have been fine with it, but again, it was such a learning, and I hate to say it because he sounded like such a douche, but they gave me so much ability to do what I want.
02:08:49.000 Without fucking with me that I might have, you know, made a couple of like, oh, yeah, I should have done this instead of that.
02:08:54.000 Right.
02:08:54.000 Well, it seems like you could probably figure that out as you go along.
02:08:57.000 Whenever you start something out, it always has like, you know, there's always...
02:09:00.000 There's bumps.
02:09:00.000 I mean, and they gave me an extra episode.
02:09:02.000 We were supposed to do three and then they were like, we might do two because of scheduling.
02:09:06.000 And then I sat down with Eddie.
02:09:07.000 He goes, well, fuck it.
02:09:08.000 Why don't we just try four?
02:09:08.000 Yeah.
02:09:10.000 That's how they do things.
02:09:11.000 They threw an extra episode.
02:09:12.000 So I had David Tell as the guest and I had Sherrod Small and Voss did a piece for me.
02:09:16.000 And it was just fucking funny hanging with three other comedians.
02:09:20.000 And that kind of felt like a much different one than Tyson and Dana.
02:09:24.000 What do you think is going to go down with September when your contract is up?
02:09:28.000 October 4th?
02:09:29.000 I don't know.
02:09:33.000 I love the gig.
02:09:34.000 I love performing.
02:09:35.000 But do you love the gig the same with Anthony not being there?
02:09:37.000 No, of course not.
02:09:38.000 I mean the idea of performing either alone or with other people.
02:09:42.000 I want this thing to work because I want my own thing.
02:09:45.000 I've done so many things.
02:09:46.000 This thing meaning the vice thing.
02:09:47.000 Yes, Jim Norton show.
02:09:48.000 I want to have my own thing too because you feel like a more complete performer when you're not always with Opie and Anthony or Colin Quinn or Louis CK or Amy Schumer's put me on her show.
02:09:57.000 I don't always want to be on somebody else's thing.
02:10:00.000 Right.
02:10:01.000 So I love the idea of performing on the radio.
02:10:05.000 I love doing it with Opie.
02:10:06.000 I love doing it with Opie and Anthony more.
02:10:09.000 And I would say the same thing if Opie left.
02:10:10.000 I honestly do love being a part of that radio show.
02:10:15.000 Being without Anthony is difficult.
02:10:17.000 And Opie would tell you the same thing.
02:10:19.000 It's just...
02:10:20.000 It's hard to realize how much space a person fills in your life until they're not there.
02:10:27.000 Like, I mean, we all know Anthony's a comic gene.
02:10:29.000 That's easy to say.
02:10:30.000 But it's like the little moments, like when there's that chair...
02:10:33.000 I mean, I sit closer to Anthony than I do to you.
02:10:37.000 Right.
02:10:38.000 Every day, five days a week for ten years.
02:10:39.000 And now he's just gone.
02:10:41.000 And it's really hard to get used to that empty seat, whether he's saying something funny, or whether he's just doing a stupid E-rock joke, or a little aside, or just...
02:10:50.000 It's like this whole fucking vacuum of this great, powerful brain that used to be, you know, a foot away from me.
02:10:56.000 Yeah, or just talking about things.
02:10:58.000 He's a fascinating guy.
02:10:59.000 He's got a lot of information in his head.
02:11:01.000 He can talk about anything for any length of time.
02:11:05.000 Anything he can be...
02:11:06.000 And we've said that like...
02:11:07.000 And I've said this before, but Patrice said that Anthony can access funny faster than anybody he'd ever known.
02:11:13.000 Like, he just had the ability to access being funny immediately...
02:11:19.000 On any subject.
02:11:20.000 He was a tin knocker.
02:11:22.000 He would put in air conditioning vents.
02:11:24.000 And he can walk you through that in a fascinating way and be funny about it and be captivating with it.
02:11:32.000 I just die telling a story.
02:11:35.000 I lose people.
02:11:37.000 It's a joke I've done, but I meant the sincerity of it that if I was on 9-11, if I made it out of the first tower, I would lose people halfway through the story.
02:11:47.000 I just have no ability to go from the beginning to the middle to the end and keep people locked in.
02:11:53.000 Did you guys have a meeting with Sirius after this?
02:11:55.000 No.
02:11:56.000 Opie talked to Scott.
02:11:57.000 I talked to Scott on the phone and he goes, look, we're going to try to move forward with you and Opie and see how it happens.
02:12:03.000 He goes, work through it organically on the air.
02:12:05.000 They didn't tell us how to do it.
02:12:07.000 They didn't say don't badmouth the company.
02:12:09.000 He said work through it organically on the air and we'll see what happens.
02:12:12.000 We'll see what happens.
02:12:14.000 Have they completely closed the idea of Anthony ever coming back?
02:12:16.000 I don't think so.
02:12:18.000 And they've given me no indication.
02:12:19.000 So I'm careful how I say that because I don't want the fans getting like I'm putting false hope out there.
02:12:24.000 But I'm just being truthful.
02:12:26.000 It doesn't feel final to me.
02:12:29.000 And maybe that's my own denial or my own lack of willingness to admit that this thing could be over.
02:12:35.000 Like, it was really sad, man.
02:12:36.000 Last I saw Anthony, I went to his fucking Fourth of July party, and I was very depressed driving home.
02:12:40.000 Like, I know I'm going to be okay financially, and I know, like, hey, this other show could take off.
02:12:44.000 Hey, you got stand-up.
02:12:45.000 Hey, you got...
02:12:46.000 But just the idea that this thing you love to do, like, alright, this chapter is closed.
02:12:52.000 It just fucking depresses me.
02:12:54.000 It depresses me to listen to it.
02:12:56.000 I couldn't imagine if it was me every day, day in, day out, being a part of it.
02:13:02.000 Every time I did it, I loved it.
02:13:04.000 I mean, I had a great time doing your show.
02:13:06.000 It's my favorite radio show of all time, without a doubt.
02:13:09.000 It's a real conversation.
02:13:10.000 You have real moments.
02:13:11.000 And the laugh.
02:13:12.000 Somebody played for me recently, or they sent me a link to, Jim Norton's laugh compilation.
02:13:16.000 There's just times where people have made me laugh on the show.
02:13:19.000 And I listen to part one and two, because the point is not me laughing.
02:13:22.000 It's the things.
02:13:24.000 And most of those laughs have come from Anthony, more than any guest or anybody.
02:13:28.000 And some of the things that have...
02:13:30.000 He did a thing recently, or years ago, that I heard two days ago, where we were talking about people who have shot themselves in the head and survived.
02:13:38.000 And Anthony did the voice of the guy who survived.
02:13:42.000 It was an immediate.
02:13:44.000 He became the guy who shot himself in the fucking head and survived.
02:13:49.000 He was talking about how he just has a more positive outlook.
02:13:51.000 And I'm howling listening to it in the clip.
02:13:55.000 And I'm listening to it two days ago.
02:13:58.000 And I'm laughing all over again.
02:14:00.000 I'm like, I forgot that bit ever existed.
02:14:01.000 But God, this cocksucker made me fucking laugh.
02:14:04.000 I'm not talking about him like he's dead, but that's how valuable a thing he is.
02:14:09.000 I can't listen to radio bits, man.
02:14:12.000 I think they made a big mistake.
02:14:13.000 I think they made a big mistake for a couple reasons.
02:14:16.000 One, I think they made a big mistake because I think it's going to open the door more to the internet because people are going to look at that as the last remaining true free speech option.
02:14:27.000 Because that's what it is.
02:14:28.000 Look, you can say you don't like this podcast.
02:14:32.000 You can decide that I'm offensive.
02:14:34.000 But you can't stop it.
02:14:36.000 I mean, the host might say, we don't want to host you anymore.
02:14:39.000 I'll find another host.
02:14:41.000 The sponsors might say, we don't want to be your sponsor anymore.
02:14:43.000 Well, guess what?
02:14:44.000 I'll do it with no sponsors.
02:14:45.000 We did it with no sponsors for years.
02:14:48.000 This is the only real option, where you're your own producer, your own director, you're the whole thing.
02:14:55.000 You're the performer, you're the whole thing.
02:14:58.000 That's where it's at, because just like a stand-up is entirely responsible for your act you put on stage, If you had some producer hovering over your fucking shoulder every time you wrote a bit, every time you were thinking about putting together a set list, every time you were going up and doing a show,
02:15:13.000 they would review it afterwards, that would be gross.
02:15:16.000 They would take all the fun out of being a comic.
02:15:19.000 Yeah, it would be awful.
02:15:20.000 I mean, that's why I'm a bad collaborator, because you're so used to having absolute and ultimate...
02:15:26.000 Well, you're a perfect example.
02:15:28.000 Think about you and you as a successful performer and personality.
02:15:32.000 Who the fuck would have ever thought you could have made a mainstream career out of talking about your love of trannies, talking about...
02:15:40.000 Shit and piss and shitting in each other's mouths and peeing on people, monster rain.
02:15:46.000 Just look at the honest things that you've tackled because you're honest, because you're funny.
02:15:51.000 If you had to vet that through somebody else, if you had to have that filter through some sort of a mainstream producer, it would have never happened.
02:16:00.000 It would never work.
02:16:02.000 You're absolutely right.
02:16:03.000 I mean, that's why you're right.
02:16:04.000 The internet is the last place We're at least, I mean, for now, who the fuck knows what happens with that?
02:16:10.000 But all that stuff you did, you did on Sirius.
02:16:12.000 Sirius had a different approach when they first came out.
02:16:14.000 They've slowly but surely clamped down.
02:16:17.000 From that Condoleezza Rice incident, that's where it was like, ooh, you could get in trouble for something that someone says on a radio show that isn't even, like, a guest.
02:16:27.000 Yeah.
02:16:27.000 Like, I mean, isn't even one of the hosts.
02:16:29.000 Right.
02:16:30.000 Your show could get canceled.
02:16:31.000 A homeless guy.
02:16:32.000 Yeah.
02:16:33.000 And they were going to fire us for that.
02:16:34.000 Eric Logan saved us.
02:16:34.000 That was XM. And this is what happened.
02:16:37.000 The fucking, the NAB, the National Association of Broadcasters, somebody on that side, I think, was what was pushing it.
02:16:43.000 Because the story went on Drudge and Breitbart.
02:16:46.000 Will this hurt the merger?
02:16:47.000 And again, the guys who ran the, this is when they're about to merge.
02:16:51.000 Will this injure the merger?
02:16:53.000 And man, it was a billion dollars at stake.
02:16:55.000 And it wasn't going to hurt the merger, but they fucking panicked.
02:16:58.000 And these are all different people that are in charge now.
02:17:01.000 But they're like, well...
02:17:03.000 And they don't know how to deal with stuff, so they get the phone call.
02:17:06.000 The guy, Nate, I think, was running XM at the time, or Hugh Pinero.
02:17:09.000 What do you think of this thing they said?
02:17:11.000 A homeless guy said he wants to rape Condoleezza Rice.
02:17:15.000 He's worried about a billion dollar merger.
02:17:17.000 I'm not defending them suspending us, but I try to put myself in there.
02:17:25.000 I mentioned Louis because he's a good guy.
02:17:29.000 Non-emotional reactor to things.
02:17:31.000 And he'll look at things and go, well, they're just trying to do this.
02:17:34.000 And like, Louis will give you a very logical reason as to why something's happening.
02:17:39.000 And it's like, yeah, I wish I would have seen that.
02:17:41.000 I get too angry and emotional.
02:17:42.000 And you're like, fuck them!
02:17:43.000 They're sick!
02:17:44.000 And then I'll go like, okay, that's a billion dollar company.
02:17:46.000 They're not used to this.
02:17:47.000 And they hear this guy wants their fucking first lady raped, Bush or George Bush, and they're laughing about it.
02:17:54.000 Merger might be threatened.
02:17:55.000 Fuck him!
02:17:55.000 Get rid of him!
02:17:56.000 He just panics.
02:17:57.000 Isn't it fascinating, though, that you're talking about a billion dollar company?
02:18:01.000 Okay, Sirius XM, billion dollar company.
02:18:04.000 Okay, what exactly are they selling?
02:18:08.000 What they're selling is content.
02:18:09.000 Who delivers that content?
02:18:11.000 Guys like Opie and Anthony.
02:18:12.000 Guys like Jim Norton.
02:18:13.000 They're selling your ability to be entertaining.
02:18:17.000 Other than that, it's just music.
02:18:19.000 How do you have a billion dollar company that's just selling music?
02:18:23.000 You don't.
02:18:24.000 That's what my argument would be, too.
02:18:25.000 Look, the talk thing is the last thing you guys have.
02:18:31.000 And this is for any terrestrial radio, too.
02:18:33.000 The last thing you have is original talk content.
02:18:35.000 And their point back would be, well, that's a great thing that we have.
02:18:39.000 But we also have, whether it's a celebrity, people doing shit, or we have sports that you can't get across.
02:18:47.000 Let's say we have the NBA, we have Major League Baseball.
02:18:49.000 I'm just saying that's what they would say.
02:18:50.000 Yeah, but nobody's paying for that.
02:18:51.000 Let's be honest.
02:18:52.000 They're paying for Stern.
02:18:53.000 They're paying for Opie and Anthony.
02:18:54.000 I hope so, man.
02:18:55.000 Especially since Spotify and Pandora.
02:18:58.000 It used to be serious radio because they had the 30s, the 40s, the 50s, whatever, and all the different radio stations.
02:19:03.000 Nowadays, you just put Spotify, put anything you wanted.
02:19:06.000 Yeah, I mean, I get almost all my shit from iTunes.
02:19:10.000 I don't ever listen to music in my car anymore unless it's coming off of my phone.
02:19:14.000 I just...
02:19:15.000 It's just, I don't need to.
02:19:17.000 You don't need to anymore.
02:19:18.000 You don't need them anymore.
02:19:19.000 And the last thing that's exciting is things like Stern and things like Opie and Anthony, where you can have a guy who is just freewheeling, saying whatever he wants, doesn't have to worry about language restrictions, doesn't have to worry about anything.
02:19:33.000 And the fact that he can get fired for saying the same things that he's always said on his show, Just saying them in a text message.
02:19:41.000 They're so ignorant that they can't recognize that this is...
02:19:44.000 You're taking it out of context.
02:19:45.000 You're taking it from a guy who's just recently been assaulted.
02:19:48.000 You're taking it from a guy who probably had a couple of drinks in him when he said it.
02:19:51.000 And he shouldn't have done it.
02:19:53.000 He fucked up.
02:19:54.000 He definitely shouldn't have gone on that Twitter rampage.
02:19:56.000 He should have said it on a video.
02:19:57.000 And you know what?
02:19:58.000 Or on the show.
02:19:59.000 If you've been on the show, it would have been perfect.
02:20:03.000 It would have been a great episode.
02:20:04.000 Oh, that would have been fun.
02:20:05.000 And Keith Robinson pointed out, he's like, the teasing we could have given him.
02:20:09.000 Oh, the teasing.
02:20:11.000 Oh, it would have been beautiful.
02:20:12.000 But I don't know if that's something that will ever change.
02:20:14.000 They may, at one point, go, ah, we do kind of...
02:20:18.000 Understand that maybe he's a valuable asset.
02:20:21.000 Again, I don't know why I don't get that feeling because they haven't said to me, we'll bring him back.
02:20:26.000 They really haven't.
02:20:27.000 And I never want to give fans...
02:20:28.000 I'm not trying to keep fans from canceling.
02:20:30.000 It literally is just a gut feeling.
02:20:33.000 He didn't drop N-bombs.
02:20:34.000 He didn't go on this...
02:20:35.000 And I've talked to him enough to know what his intent was.
02:20:38.000 And maybe that's just this naive dummy in me, but I keep thinking, man, he should come back.
02:20:43.000 He can come back.
02:20:44.000 Just give it some time.
02:20:45.000 I just keep hoping for that.
02:20:46.000 I think he can come back.
02:20:47.000 I think if they gave it some time, he definitely can come back.
02:20:49.000 In the context of what he said, it wasn't that bad.
02:20:52.000 You know, I wouldn't have been happy if it was my company and I had shareholders and all that jazz.
02:20:57.000 But obviously, I would never be that guy anyway.
02:21:00.000 I would never be a fucking head of a big company.
02:21:03.000 I'm just not built for it.
02:21:06.000 You've got to recognize the entertainment quality, the entertainment aspect of that guy, the entertainment possibilities of keeping the show together.
02:21:13.000 It's because without that, all you have is Stern.
02:21:16.000 Obviously, you guys are still together and it'll still be a great show, but it's not the same show.
02:21:20.000 It's not.
02:21:23.000 Yeah.
02:21:48.000 You know, whatever, you know what I'm saying?
02:21:49.000 You come up with some idea to do something completely free and wild on the internet.
02:21:55.000 A big advertising push, buy billboards, Times Square, you know, fuck Sirius, we're doing it on the internet, you know, ONA is back and it's free.
02:22:04.000 Download it online.
02:22:05.000 You don't need to pay for a subscription anymore.
02:22:07.000 Anybody can get it on your phone.
02:22:09.000 I mean, you can do it the way we do it.
02:22:10.000 We're available online as an MP3. We're available from iTunes.
02:22:15.000 We're available on Stitcher, on YouTube, on Ustream, on Vimeo.
02:22:19.000 If you just did something like that, it would be gigantic.
02:22:22.000 Yeah, maybe you're right, man.
02:22:23.000 We have thought about it.
02:22:25.000 And again, we're up on October 4th.
02:22:27.000 We don't know.
02:22:28.000 And we honestly don't know What we do from here, like again, Opie and I are doing the show, bringing guests in and just performing, and it's like we both feel the fucking loss of it.
02:22:40.000 Go through Vice.
02:22:41.000 Do it all through Vice.
02:22:42.000 There would be a wonderful promotion vehicle for you guys to do Opie and Anthony live through Vice.
02:22:48.000 They'll set you up with a studio, do it all online, do the show as a video online, and do the show, have it available as a podcast, free downloads.
02:22:57.000 They provide you with advertisers.
02:22:59.000 It wouldn't be hard to do.
02:23:00.000 Shane could hook that up in five seconds.
02:23:02.000 They could make one phone call and the wheels would be in motion.
02:23:06.000 I would love to do that.
02:23:08.000 And that's a guy that you know, like, shit could get really crazy and everyone's gonna be fine.
02:23:13.000 Yeah, Shane, I mean, look, the fact that they didn't break my ball, like, everyone says, like, oh, we all have to do what we want, guys.
02:23:20.000 But, like, I can't believe the amount of, like, if this thing fails, it is absolutely my fault.
02:23:27.000 It is 100% my fault.
02:23:29.000 I can't blame the company.
02:23:32.000 They fucking got in my ear and fuck.
02:23:34.000 They didn't give a fuck.
02:23:35.000 They really didn't.
02:23:36.000 This one is on me.
02:23:37.000 If it succeeds, I did a great job.
02:23:40.000 Kurt Metzger helped me and Jesse Joyce contributed a little.
02:23:42.000 Attell contributed some brilliant stuff.
02:23:44.000 But Vice allowed me freedom.
02:23:47.000 The monologues are exactly what I wanted to do monologue-wise.
02:23:54.000 I have links that can't be posted, but I was going to send you, but they took too long to get them to me.
02:24:00.000 I'm just so bad at this shit.
02:24:01.000 Just get it to me later.
02:24:02.000 It doesn't matter.
02:24:03.000 Listen, whenever it comes out, we'll promote the shit out of it.
02:24:06.000 Next Wednesday the 23rd.
02:24:07.000 Next Wednesday the 23rd.
02:24:08.000 Alright, I'll tweet it.
02:24:09.000 I'll tweet it when it's coming out.
02:24:11.000 I'll tweet it when it's on.
02:24:12.000 I'll tweet all four episodes.
02:24:14.000 I'll tweet links and websites.
02:24:16.000 Whatever you need to do, man.
02:24:16.000 It's not going to fail.
02:24:17.000 It's going to be great.
02:24:18.000 You know how it is, man.
02:24:19.000 I have the fucking...
02:24:21.000 I know intellectually, yeah, I'm a funny guy and I think there's things that will be fixed in the show.
02:24:26.000 Because again, it's a new thing.
02:24:28.000 But I also think it came out funny.
02:24:30.000 I'm happy with how it came out.
02:24:31.000 There's a lot of really funny lines.
02:24:32.000 Oh, okay, I would fix this and fix that.
02:24:34.000 You live and you learn.
02:24:35.000 It's going to be great.
02:24:36.000 But I know that that part of you that's never happy, always going to have issues about things, that's also what makes you good.
02:24:42.000 Because it keeps you checking and second guessing and working on things and keeps you striving for a high standard.
02:24:50.000 It's the dark inner secret of all comedians that we're never really happy with what we do.
02:24:56.000 I obsess.
02:24:56.000 Like that promo, I was out in the parking lot with my luggage talking to my fucking manager on the phone.
02:25:02.000 I'm like, I don't know why.
02:25:03.000 No one's going to like that one.
02:25:05.000 I'm just having a fucking panic attack.
02:25:07.000 And moments like that though, they say Tarantino would fight his editor who passed away.
02:25:13.000 But they said that she was such a big piece of his great success because she was so good at editing his stuff.
02:25:19.000 And I heard they would have screaming matches because he didn't agree with her.
02:25:24.000 But she, in a detached way, could see what worked from the outside.
02:25:28.000 And I certainly didn't have a yelling match with anyone, but a lot of times I'm too close to it to see what works, and I would have been totally wrong about this, and I would have thrown that promo out and not used it, because I'm mostly in it.
02:25:40.000 Yeah, you definitely would have been wrong.
02:25:42.000 Look, I laughed hard.
02:25:43.000 I'd never seen it before.
02:25:44.000 That was a legit laugh.
02:25:46.000 It's always going to be that way, though, Jim.
02:25:48.000 Yeah, I guess so, man.
02:25:49.000 Yeah, you're never going to be totally happy.
02:25:51.000 That's why you're good.
02:25:52.000 Yeah, I guess.
02:25:53.000 But are you totally happy though?
02:25:54.000 You have to know what a great...
02:25:55.000 I walk in here, I see like all I think is Rogan makes me feel lazy.
02:25:59.000 Like because you have such a great setup.
02:26:01.000 You're a UFC. I don't know how you do this and smoke pot.
02:26:05.000 You're in a fucking ice chamber this morning.
02:26:07.000 You're always doing this weird shit, reading articles.
02:26:10.000 You're the best follow on Twitter.
02:26:11.000 I'm like, how does he fucking keep all these plates spinning but being really good at all of them?
02:26:17.000 I'm just a fucking lazy cunt.
02:26:18.000 I go in the morning and do radio.
02:26:20.000 I jerk off looking at Eros.com for nine hours.
02:26:23.000 I do a spot at the cellar and I get a massage.
02:26:26.000 Well, think about those nine hours that you spent jerking off.
02:26:29.000 Those are hours that you could have done all the things that I do.
02:26:32.000 Exactly.
02:26:33.000 I think of that while I'm doing it.
02:26:35.000 While I'm tugging my prick, I'm thinking this could be your green screen fixed.
02:26:39.000 Yeah, I do.
02:26:40.000 Well, with me, I'm just real lucky that I found a bunch of things that I like doing.
02:26:46.000 All the things that I'm interested in, whether it's the links that I put up on Twitter, whether it's the articles I read, documentaries I watch, martial arts I do, whatever I'm doing, bow hunting, whatever I'm doing.
02:26:56.000 I'm interested in it.
02:26:57.000 It's all just things I'm interested in.
02:26:59.000 I think that's a big part of what keeps life fun, is just be interested in a bunch of different things and pursue those things.
02:27:05.000 With most people, you can't pursue your real interest because you have a job that's usually not your real interest.
02:27:11.000 I've been there too.
02:27:12.000 When I was doing Fear Factor, and no woe is me, it was a great gig, paid a lot of money, used a lot of exposure and all that good stuff, but I didn't want to do it.
02:27:20.000 I only did it because they wanted to pay me.
02:27:22.000 You know?
02:27:22.000 And there's a big difference between living like that and living like I live now.
02:27:26.000 Whereas everything I do, I enjoy doing.
02:27:28.000 Whether I do the UFC, whether I do a podcast or stand-up or anything.
02:27:32.000 I enjoy all my things.
02:27:34.000 So in that way, I figured out a way to harmoniously manage my life.
02:27:39.000 It's nice to not hate it, right?
02:27:41.000 It's fantastic.
02:27:41.000 I love it.
02:27:43.000 I mean, it's not that I love everything I do, and there's always...
02:27:45.000 You know, even with podcasts, there's podcasts that don't go well, or I don't like moments in them, and they will fuck with me, and I'll try to...
02:27:52.000 But they fuck with me because I care, because I'm trying to make it better, and, you know, I'm trying...
02:27:56.000 When you're doing anything where it's a flowing, sort of living thing, you're ad-libbing, and maybe I added too much, or maybe I didn't add enough, or maybe I was too low-energy, or maybe I was too high-energy...
02:28:08.000 It's just because you care and if you care and if you're constantly trying to improve things and you're also taking chances and you're also Trying to innovate and trying to, you know, trying to be as loose and as open as possible.
02:28:22.000 It's got to be things that don't go great.
02:28:24.000 Yes, and you have to kind of, you know, you have to kind of leave the flaws in sometime.
02:28:29.000 And one of the things I love so much about Mike Douglas, and it was such an imperfect thing in those shows.
02:28:36.000 He was interviewing the Jackson 5 one time, and it was all of them.
02:28:39.000 It was just a very slow interview because they were kids at the time.
02:28:42.000 And he said to one of them, like, so I understand you're the prankster.
02:28:45.000 And he's like, yeah, I like playing pranks.
02:28:47.000 It was like, ugh.
02:28:48.000 It was such a fucking shit moment.
02:28:50.000 But I love the fact that it was real and they left it in and they didn't fuck with it.
02:28:55.000 And nowadays they would go back and they would chop that out to him going, prank!
02:29:00.000 Yeah, I'm pranking right back.
02:29:01.000 And it would be jazzed up and fixed.
02:29:04.000 And in that moment it was kind of...
02:29:06.000 Like, just this is what it is.
02:29:08.000 It's a natural flow.
02:29:10.000 Great moments.
02:29:12.000 Slow moments.
02:29:13.000 But they're all real moments.
02:29:14.000 And I kind of...
02:29:15.000 Like what you're saying.
02:29:16.000 There's going to be little things that bother you because they're real moments.
02:29:19.000 And they're alive.
02:29:19.000 There's going to be little things that bother you because you care.
02:29:21.000 Because you want to make it...
02:29:22.000 You want it to be great.
02:29:24.000 Like...
02:29:24.000 I'm way better at doing podcasts now than I was when I first started doing it.
02:29:27.000 What will bother you in a podcast?
02:29:29.000 I'm not saying for who did a bad one, but what will be a podcast thing that you're like, fuck man, that was a bad episode.
02:29:35.000 Will it be the other person didn't talk, or you didn't get out of them what you wanted?
02:29:39.000 Could be a mistake having them on in the first place.
02:29:41.000 They just...
02:29:44.000 We're good to go.
02:29:57.000 It was so off.
02:29:59.000 He was such a goofy guy.
02:30:00.000 He was so fucked in the head, this guy.
02:30:02.000 His mind was just so...
02:30:04.000 He would think he had a long road ahead of him, and he just kept going off cliffs.
02:30:12.000 There's something wrong with the way the guy thinks.
02:30:16.000 Sometimes you'll have a podcast and the guy's just not interesting and I just don't connect with him.
02:30:21.000 Or maybe it's me.
02:30:22.000 Maybe I'm just low energy.
02:30:23.000 I've had podcasts where maybe I was just too exhausted.
02:30:27.000 Right.
02:30:27.000 I've been doing too many things.
02:30:30.000 You have to always manage your energy.
02:30:32.000 And if you're doing too many different things at the same time, like I do a lot of different things, it's a matter of making sure that you have enough.
02:30:40.000 Right.
02:30:40.000 Do you ever go back?
02:30:41.000 Because one of the guys I interviewed in one of the episodes is Freeway Rick.
02:30:44.000 And I know you, and he's fucking fascinating.
02:30:46.000 He's great.
02:30:47.000 But all I think is, I should have asked him this.
02:30:49.000 It's like there's never enough time to ask everything you want to ask.
02:30:52.000 Even if you ask good questions, you're like, fuck, there was that one and that one and that one, and I missed it and I missed it.
02:30:57.000 I did two podcasts with him, so I did like six hours worth of talking to him.
02:31:01.000 The first one, though, I think we really got to the heart of everything because it was three hours long and he told everything, the whole CIA connection to the Iran-Contra affair.
02:31:12.000 Notice I said Contra.
02:31:13.000 I know how to speak.
02:31:15.000 I'm very eloquent.
02:31:17.000 He was a fascinating guy and a very positive guy, man, for a guy who spent that much time in jail and very peaceful and a very interesting dude and really Earnestly working to help people not make the same mistakes that he made.
02:31:31.000 He was a nice man.
02:31:34.000 It was hard for me to picture that guy in the role of Kingpin.
02:31:42.000 And then as we were editing, we weren't chopping content on this one, it was just camera angles because of the way that I demanded the audience be set up.
02:31:50.000 We couldn't just get a two shot because I didn't know that because I'm a fucking novice cunt.
02:31:53.000 So we had to just fix a couple of camera angles.
02:31:55.000 And there's a couple of moments where Rick's talking and I just saw his face and he was being pleasant.
02:32:00.000 But I'm like, oh, that's the guy.
02:32:04.000 Who's the kingpin?
02:32:05.000 That's the guy.
02:32:06.000 And in those moments, I actually told the editor a couple of times, rewind that and pause on his face.
02:32:11.000 And he was just listening and he wasn't angry.
02:32:13.000 But I saw in that moment...
02:32:15.000 That face, I'm like, that's the guy that fucking gave the order.
02:32:18.000 You know what I mean?
02:32:19.000 This nice, pleasant man is who he really is, but you can't be this nice, pleasant man and fucking make $900 million selling cocaine.
02:32:28.000 Isn't it crazy how much he made?
02:32:29.000 He made $900 million.
02:32:31.000 You can't do it.
02:32:31.000 You can't be Mr. Nice Guy.
02:32:33.000 You can't operate with the Bloods and the Crips together and be a nice fucking fellow all the time.
02:32:39.000 There has to be that other part of you.
02:32:40.000 I hope he's making money now.
02:32:42.000 I hope he's doing well.
02:32:44.000 But how hard must it be when you've made $900 million selling drugs to not go back to selling drugs, to not go, I've got to figure out a way to do this and not get caught?
02:32:53.000 I wonder if it is that.
02:32:55.000 I should have asked him that, but I wonder also, is it because he got life without parole, learned to read and now he's out.
02:33:01.000 So is that overpowered by the fucking fact that you're like, you know what, I can fuck a woman if I want to.
02:33:06.000 Yeah.
02:33:07.000 I can go get a piece of pizza if I want to.
02:33:09.000 Does the gratitude for being out override the loss of material stuff?
02:33:13.000 Oh, I'm sure it does.
02:33:15.000 I'm sure it does.
02:33:16.000 Because the loss of material stuff is already out the window anyway.
02:33:18.000 He was in jail.
02:33:19.000 Right.
02:33:19.000 And I'm sure.
02:33:21.000 Well, he's also a changed person.
02:33:23.000 Like a real legitimately changed person.
02:33:25.000 You know, in the fact that he didn't even know how to read before he got into jail.
02:33:29.000 And then he got to jail, learned how to read, and then found...
02:33:32.000 The legal flaws in the argument against him, and that's what got him released.
02:33:36.000 I mean, that's incredible.
02:33:37.000 What happened to his lawyers?
02:33:39.000 You're paying lawyers all that money, and they don't catch the fucking...
02:33:43.000 It was a three-strikes-you're-out law thing.
02:33:45.000 It was a double jeopardy thing.
02:33:47.000 Right, they counted one of them was two strikes, but it was only one because it was the same thing twice or something.
02:33:51.000 Yeah, something along those lines.
02:33:53.000 Yeah, well, I know he doesn't want to be that guy anymore, which is why he doesn't sell drugs anymore.
02:33:58.000 But that's got to be a weird thing to go from, like MC Hammer style, from having hundreds of millions of dollars to how do I pay my bills?
02:34:06.000 Yeah, and what do I do from here?
02:34:08.000 Even bigger than MC Hammer, really.
02:34:10.000 What's that?
02:34:11.000 Even bigger.
02:34:11.000 Yeah, because MC Hammer didn't go to...
02:34:13.000 Although I think what MC Hammer went through was harder, because he didn't go to prison for 20 years.
02:34:17.000 He didn't have a 20-year cooling-off period with no women.
02:34:20.000 Like, you know, MC Hammer just went from fucking...
02:34:22.000 from a private plane with 30 people to, what the fuck do I do now?
02:34:27.000 I owe tax money and nothing.
02:34:28.000 Like, he did it on the outside, whereas Rick Ross had a lot of years of, like, this sucks to kind of get his life and then be grateful.
02:34:35.000 What does a guy like MC Hammer do for money?
02:34:37.000 I don't know.
02:34:38.000 Let's Google him.
02:34:39.000 I don't know.
02:34:40.000 What would you do if you were a guy like MC Hammer and all of a sudden the gig is up?
02:34:45.000 Didn't he do the religious thing for a while?
02:34:47.000 Yes.
02:34:48.000 Like be a pastor of a church or something like that?
02:34:50.000 Yeah, I guess.
02:34:51.000 Found a way to hide money that way or something.
02:34:54.000 He's got a blog, but he hasn't updated it since 2013, November.
02:34:57.000 Yeah, it's not good for blogging.
02:34:59.000 He was on the Surreal Life.
02:35:00.000 Oh, was he really?
02:35:02.000 2003. He was managing martial artists for a while.
02:35:06.000 Ugh.
02:35:07.000 He had some company that he was managing martial artists.
02:35:11.000 I think it was called Alchemy or something like that.
02:35:14.000 Yeah.
02:35:15.000 I wouldn't trust him with my money.
02:35:17.000 Yeah.
02:35:18.000 If you go through fucking 30 million and now you're broke or whatever the amount was, I don't want to trust you with my financial decisions.
02:35:24.000 Well, wasn't it even crazier than that?
02:35:26.000 Like, he was spending, like, ungodly amounts of money to, like, refurbish this house, and then they had to stop halfway through it because he ran out of money.
02:35:35.000 But it was just some insane thing.
02:35:38.000 Like, the marble alone was like $8 million worth of Italian marble or something fucking crazy.
02:35:44.000 Yeah.
02:35:44.000 Yeah, it's really crazy how people – how fast – I had shelves built recently.
02:35:50.000 Why wouldn't there be problems with them?
02:35:52.000 Because whenever a fucking cunt face does something cultured, it falls apart.
02:35:55.000 So now the shelves are not there.
02:35:57.000 They're being re-repaired.
02:36:00.000 And it's like you just realize that they give you an estimate.
02:36:03.000 It always goes more.
02:36:03.000 It always gets to be more.
02:36:05.000 You're already in a little bit.
02:36:06.000 You can't just stop.
02:36:08.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:36:09.000 Well, that's the thing they do to you.
02:36:11.000 That's the thing, especially unscrupulous contractors.
02:36:14.000 Sometimes it's just hidden costs they don't see coming, but some of them, they get you hooked, and then once they got you hooked, they just keep the bills coming.
02:36:21.000 They do that with car builds, too.
02:36:23.000 When you're getting a car built, they did that to me when I was on that show, Rides, where I had that Barracuda built.
02:36:29.000 It was infuriating, man.
02:36:31.000 They treat you like you're a sucker.
02:36:32.000 Keep adding to it, right?
02:36:33.000 Oh, they treat you like you're a sucker.
02:36:35.000 They give you a lowball figure and then we were past that lowball figure quick and the car was nowhere near being finished.
02:36:41.000 And I was like, guys, what's going on?
02:36:43.000 Like, what are you doing?
02:36:44.000 And they were like, hey, you know, it's costing a little more than we thought.
02:36:47.000 It's costing $100,000 more.
02:36:50.000 Wow.
02:36:50.000 You guys are like, what the fuck is going on?
02:36:53.000 And they started talking about, look, we'll sell it.
02:36:56.000 We'll sell it and we'll give you your money back.
02:36:58.000 No, the fuck you won't.
02:36:59.000 No, that's my car.
02:37:00.000 You're not going to sell it.
02:37:01.000 Because it was on the cover of popular hot rodding or one of those hot rod magazines, a couple different magazines.
02:37:06.000 So they were getting offers.
02:37:07.000 People are like, hey, you know, I want to see this car.
02:37:09.000 I'll bob all this car.
02:37:10.000 Ask this guy who wants to sell the car.
02:37:12.000 They started getting greedy.
02:37:13.000 So they started, like, doing all this crazy shit to the car to make it more valuable.
02:37:17.000 But while they were doing that, it was costing me more money.
02:37:20.000 I was financing the whole thing, and then they were threatening to sell it and just give me my money back.
02:37:24.000 And they were going to, like, make all the profit.
02:37:26.000 I was like, okay, you guys are cunts.
02:37:27.000 Like, this is the craziest fucking scenario I'm in.
02:37:31.000 And it was just like they do with a house, except it's different, because it's your house.
02:37:36.000 Right.
02:37:36.000 Like, this isn't even your car.
02:37:37.000 Like, this is a car that you're paying for, and this guy's telling me, hey, look, if you don't want to spend X amount of money, we'll sell it, and we'll give you your money back.
02:37:44.000 Like, the fuck you will.
02:37:46.000 How'd you finally resolve it?
02:37:48.000 Well, the production company got involved and it got pretty ugly because they ripped him off too.
02:37:54.000 It was pretty bad.
02:37:55.000 The guy who built it, he made some mistakes.
02:37:58.000 It was a disaster.
02:37:59.000 It wasn't Chip Foose, it was the other guy.
02:38:01.000 It was a mess.
02:38:02.000 It was a mess.
02:38:03.000 A real mess.
02:38:03.000 It was a bunch of people who got really greedy because the car was getting a tremendous amount of attention.
02:38:09.000 It was ugly.
02:38:10.000 Are they still in business?
02:38:11.000 I don't know.
02:38:12.000 Oh.
02:38:12.000 They got cut out of my friend Bud's production company, though, who does Overhaul and he does a bunch of other shows.
02:38:18.000 He cut him off forever.
02:38:19.000 It's like, done.
02:38:20.000 You're done, dude.
02:38:21.000 You're cut off forever.
02:38:22.000 Some people just don't see the big picture, right?
02:38:23.000 They don't.
02:38:24.000 No.
02:38:24.000 I mean, all these dollar bill signs are in his head because it was on these magazine covers.
02:38:29.000 And we had this conversation on the phone.
02:38:31.000 He's like, look, you know, this car is a popular car.
02:38:33.000 I go, hey, fuckhead, why do you think this car is so much more popular than any car you ever built?
02:38:37.000 You ever think it's maybe because you're building it for a famous person?
02:38:40.000 You fucking dolt.
02:38:41.000 Do you not see that you think that you're the famous person?
02:38:44.000 Do you understand this?
02:38:45.000 This is getting you more attention.
02:38:47.000 That more attention will generate more business for you.
02:38:50.000 But we have a deal.
02:38:52.000 And you're fucking me out of my deal because someone's going to offer you an extra $30,000 or whatever this other person was offering them.
02:38:59.000 But that's what they do with cars.
02:39:00.000 They start you off.
02:39:01.000 They say, you know, we'll build a car for you, Jimmy.
02:39:03.000 It costs you about 20, 30 grand.
02:39:06.000 And then, you know, you got the car.
02:39:08.000 And then, like, Jim, the tranny is a little more expensive.
02:39:10.000 We're going to have to adjust the housing and the rear end is not good.
02:39:13.000 We're going to have to add a new rear end.
02:39:14.000 And some of that stuff is legitimate, but some of it is like a hee-hee-ha-ha, we got you.
02:39:19.000 Excellent example, by the way.
02:39:21.000 Tranny?
02:39:21.000 Yeah, the tranny, the rear end, and the transmission.
02:39:24.000 I know, I didn't even mean to add those things in that way.
02:39:27.000 It wasn't meant to be a double entendre, but it fell into place correctly.
02:39:31.000 But yeah, I'm in the middle of a thing with my house that's going great, and when you have something fixed in your house, And someone's doing it and they're doing a great job and it's all on time.
02:39:41.000 It's beautiful.
02:39:42.000 It's like, the guy did what he said he was going to do and everything's working out well.
02:39:45.000 It's like relaxing.
02:39:47.000 He didn't milk it.
02:39:48.000 He didn't fuck me.
02:39:49.000 I'm going to piss again.
02:39:51.000 Wow, this is incredible.
02:39:52.000 This is the third time.
02:39:53.000 This is incredible.
02:39:53.000 Let's just wrap this thing up.
02:39:54.000 We're done anyway.
02:39:55.000 Are we done?
02:39:55.000 Okay, cool.
02:39:56.000 We're done.
02:39:56.000 So, Vice.
02:39:57.000 Vice.com.
02:39:58.000 Yes.
02:39:58.000 Where will people be able to see this?
02:40:00.000 On Vice.com.
02:40:01.000 Wednesday the 23rd it comes out.
02:40:03.000 And, of course, I'll be tweeting about it in the first episode.
02:40:05.000 I'll be tweeting about it as well.
02:40:06.000 Thank you, Joe.
02:40:07.000 Wednesday the 23rd.
02:40:08.000 Please, anything you need promoted.
02:40:10.000 When can people see you live doing stand-up?
02:40:13.000 I'm doing, in Montreal, that Jizu Theater.
02:40:15.000 And I got a bunch of stuff on JimNorton.com.
02:40:18.000 Cobbs, August 7th, 8th, and 9th.
02:40:20.000 Aha!
02:40:21.000 Cobbs in San Francisco.
02:40:23.000 Wonderful place to visit if you want to get jerked off.
02:40:25.000 Tickets available.
02:40:26.000 I've never gone there and gotten jerked off.
02:40:28.000 How dare you?
02:40:28.000 Oh, really?
02:40:30.000 RubMaps.com.
02:40:31.000 You'll find a lot of good places out there.
02:40:32.000 Oh, cool.
02:40:32.000 Thank you.
02:40:33.000 You just wander around the city.
02:40:34.000 There's wonderful places.
02:40:35.000 Thanks for having me, man.
02:40:36.000 Anytime, my brother.
02:40:37.000 Anytime.
02:40:37.000 I appreciate it.
02:40:38.000 And if you guys wind up doing a podcast, I would love to be one of your guests.
02:40:40.000 Let's do it.
02:40:41.000 We'll see what happens.
02:40:42.000 Come on!
02:40:43.000 Let's do it!
02:40:44.000 Let's make it happen!
02:40:45.000 It's gonna happen.
02:40:47.000 It can't be held down anymore.
02:40:48.000 We can't allow it.
02:40:49.000 We can't allow it, ladies and gentlemen.
02:40:51.000 The Opie and Anthony show will continue.
02:40:53.000 It must.
02:40:54.000 It must.
02:40:54.000 With Sirius or without.
02:40:56.000 The gauntlet has been laid down.
02:40:58.000 Thank you, everybody.
02:41:00.000 Thanks for tuning into the podcast.
02:41:02.000 Thanks for our sponsors.
02:41:05.000 Who do we have today?
02:41:06.000 We had...
02:41:07.000 Thanks to Ting.
02:41:08.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and save yourself some money, you dirty bitches.
02:41:14.000 Save yourself $25 off of any brand new...
02:41:18.000 We're good to go.
02:41:25.000 We're good to go.
02:41:30.000 We're good to go.
02:41:42.000 Any and all supplements.
02:41:43.000 We'll be back next week with a lot of mo.
02:41:46.000 A lot of mo show.
02:41:47.000 Until then, enjoy yourselves.
02:41:49.000 Have a good time.
02:41:52.000 Be loving to each other.
02:41:53.000 Big kiss.