The Joe Rogan Experience - August 05, 2014


Joe Rogan Experience #531 - Nick Youssef


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 59 minutes

Words per Minute

179.33153

Word Count

32,193

Sentence Count

3,689

Misogynist Sentences

129


Summary

In this episode of the podcast, the boys talk about the new iPhone 7, the new Galaxy S5, and the new Ting phone, the Ting Ting. They also talk about how to make your own website, and why you should learn to code if you don t know how to do it already. Also, the guys talk about what it's like to work for a big company like Sprint, and how much money you should be paying for your service. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace and Sprint. To find a list of our sponsors and show-related promo codes, go to gimlet.fm/OurAdvertisers and enter the code "JOE" at checkout to receive 10% off your first purchase. Thanks to our sponsor, Ting, for making this episode possible. We hope you enjoy it, and if you do, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your stuff. We'll be looking out for you! and we'll get back to you next week with a new episode of The Boys' Next Big Thing! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. We're working on transcribing this episode and putting it on SoundCloud. If you like what you hear, please tag us in a review! . Thank you for supporting the boys and/or if you re a review, we'll be giving us a shoutout! on Anchor.fm and all of your support is appreciated! Thanks again for supporting us, we really really appreciate it! Timestamps: 5 stars! 5 stars is much appreciated! 5 stars, 6 stars, 5 stars 7 stars, and a review is much more! 8 stars, a review 9 stars, plus a review of the boys are much appreciated 10 stars, so much love, and so on, so thank you, and thanks for your feedback is much appreciate you, so please spread the love and appreciation, etc, etc., etc., so much so much, etc. etc. - thank you so much! - Thank you, bye, bye! - Tom and good vibes, bye. xoxo, bye - Tom, Kristy, Sarah, JOE, and Jack, Joes, and Jeebus, and Joe.


Transcript

00:00:02.000 I wish I knew, like, foreign languages so I could say something like, you know, bonsoir mon amis, but I don't know what that means.
00:00:08.000 So I might be saying something stupid.
00:00:10.000 Hello, everybody in English.
00:00:13.000 This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, which we were talking about before the podcast even began.
00:00:19.000 So we're not bullshitting you when we tell you it's awesome.
00:00:21.000 Powerful Nick Youssef uses Squarespace.
00:00:25.000 Brian's made at least 20 or 30 websites, right?
00:00:29.000 If you had a guess?
00:00:30.000 Yeah.
00:00:31.000 Yeah, probably.
00:00:32.000 It's super easy to do.
00:00:34.000 It used to be a huge pain in the ass if you wanted to get a website.
00:00:37.000 Unless you were super lucky and knew some guy who was awesome and was easy to deal with, like me.
00:00:42.000 I have found an awesome guy.
00:00:43.000 But if you, my friend Menthol.
00:00:46.000 But if you don't find that, you're fucked.
00:00:49.000 You know, you gotta try to learn coding yourself.
00:00:52.000 Good luck.
00:00:54.000 Good luck.
00:00:55.000 It's difficult.
00:00:56.000 And it's also, it used to be really difficult to mash things up.
00:00:59.000 Like for one browser, it would look great, but then you would see it in Safari, it would look all wonky.
00:01:04.000 Or, you know, it'd work good with Windows, but it wouldn't work with a Mac or whatever it was.
00:01:09.000 There was always issues with compatibility, like iPhone compatibility.
00:01:13.000 A lot of times that would be squirrely.
00:01:14.000 Squarespace, they have it set up where your website will work on everything.
00:01:19.000 It'll work on an Android phone.
00:01:21.000 It'll work on an iPad.
00:01:22.000 It'll work on one of those tablets of unknown origin that you run various operating systems on.
00:01:30.000 It just fucking works.
00:01:31.000 Works awesome.
00:01:32.000 You can set up an online store.
00:01:33.000 Super easy to do.
00:01:35.000 Just point and click, drag and drop.
00:01:37.000 They have 24-7 support.
00:01:39.000 It's simple, easy, beautiful designs.
00:01:42.000 And it looks completely professional.
00:01:44.000 Like, look at this website.
00:01:46.000 He's slapping together a website right now.
00:01:48.000 A Nick Yusuf website.
00:01:50.000 And he can do it like that.
00:01:52.000 I mean, it comes out like you hired somebody.
00:01:57.000 Like you spent a lot of money.
00:01:58.000 And you can bang them out quick.
00:02:00.000 They just got it wired.
00:02:01.000 They figured it out.
00:02:03.000 Like, there's no need to go anywhere else anymore.
00:02:06.000 You can make your own shit, especially if you're even remotely creatively inclined, but you were just technologically ignorant, you know?
00:02:14.000 If that was the case, this is super easy to use.
00:02:18.000 Squarespace has a logo creator.
00:02:19.000 You can create a clean, simple logo design for yourself in minutes.
00:02:24.000 For a free trial and 10% off your first purchase, go to squarespace.com and enter in the code word JOE. Squarespace, a better web, starts with your website.
00:02:34.000 That's what they make you say.
00:02:37.000 That's their part.
00:02:38.000 It's really easy.
00:02:39.000 It's so drag and drop.
00:02:41.000 Like, if you want to map...
00:02:42.000 Like, say if you have a store and you want a Google map.
00:02:45.000 No, I love them.
00:02:46.000 I'm going to eventually...
00:02:46.000 You just drag it right there.
00:02:48.000 If I get some time, I want to make my own website.
00:02:50.000 It's fun.
00:02:51.000 I made mine in like four hours.
00:02:52.000 Yeah.
00:02:53.000 But the one you just made is better than mine.
00:02:57.000 We're also brought to you by Ting.
00:02:59.000 I got my new Ting phone here.
00:03:00.000 Ting is the official...
00:03:01.000 I got the Galaxy S5. Oh, cool.
00:03:05.000 Yeah, I just got it.
00:03:06.000 I'm a phone whore.
00:03:08.000 Here's my little phone whore device.
00:03:12.000 It's a dope little phone.
00:03:13.000 I like the fact that it's waterproof.
00:03:14.000 That's pretty slick.
00:03:15.000 That's the new thing.
00:03:16.000 They're all becoming waterproof.
00:03:17.000 It makes so much more sense.
00:03:18.000 Fuck yeah.
00:03:19.000 You can drop this phone in water, dude.
00:03:20.000 Wow.
00:03:21.000 Yeah.
00:03:21.000 And it's just like, what?
00:03:23.000 Gets out of the water.
00:03:24.000 What, bitch?
00:03:25.000 Water resistant.
00:03:26.000 Some of them are actually waterproof.
00:03:28.000 Right.
00:03:28.000 I believe there's a Sony that's actually waterproof, which is pretty fantastic.
00:03:33.000 Ting is a website, or Ting's a mobile service company that uses...
00:03:40.000 What they do is you buy your phone from them, and then they handle all the rest.
00:03:45.000 It all goes through the Sprint backbone, but you do it by their rules, and their rules are just a lot fairer, a lot easier for people to digest.
00:03:53.000 I think everybody enjoys paying for things that are worth it.
00:03:59.000 It's nice when you go to a good restaurant and you get a nice meal and you pay for it.
00:04:04.000 You feel good about it.
00:04:05.000 It was a good experience.
00:04:06.000 That was great.
00:04:07.000 You leave there.
00:04:08.000 Whatever you spent was totally worth it.
00:04:10.000 It's always a shitty feeling when, even if you enjoy something, if you feel like you got fucked over or you feel like it's too much or you feel like it's not fair...
00:04:19.000 And for the longest time, the way cell phone companies have done business has irked a lot of people.
00:04:24.000 One of the things being that you pay for your minutes.
00:04:27.000 Like, you know, you have this thing like 120 minutes.
00:04:30.000 But if you don't use that 120 minutes, you don't get any money back.
00:04:33.000 Like, that money's just gone.
00:04:35.000 Like, all that time is out in the ether.
00:04:37.000 And Ting was like, well, why do you have to pay for shit you're not using?
00:04:41.000 How about this?
00:04:42.000 How about we work out a really simple...
00:04:45.000 Way to do it.
00:05:06.000 You'd get in your phone and you drive 20 minutes, or you get in your car rather, and you have your phone on you.
00:05:10.000 20 minutes outside of the city, you'd be roaming.
00:05:12.000 So it cost you some ridiculous amount of money.
00:05:15.000 Where'd all that go?
00:05:16.000 All that shit went away.
00:05:18.000 It had to go away because companies like Ting come along and they come up with a better way to do it.
00:05:22.000 And that's what I feel.
00:05:24.000 I think the minute, the whole minute thing is going to go away soon.
00:05:26.000 Because I was just thinking, how many minutes a month I use on my cell phone talking?
00:05:32.000 Yeah.
00:05:32.000 I'd barely talk on my phone.
00:05:34.000 Do you think you use a minute a month?
00:05:36.000 I bet 10 minutes a month.
00:05:37.000 No doubt.
00:05:38.000 I bet I use 10 minutes a month.
00:05:39.000 They charge for data now in the same way they used to charge for minutes.
00:05:43.000 Yeah.
00:05:44.000 Because minutes are like nothing.
00:05:45.000 Yeah, minutes are nothing anymore.
00:05:46.000 I still don't totally understand why data is expensive.
00:05:50.000 It's confusing to me.
00:05:51.000 Like, I get storing it would be expensive.
00:05:56.000 Boy, I don't understand it.
00:05:58.000 I mean, is it electricity being used?
00:06:00.000 I mean, what is being used?
00:06:01.000 There's bandwidth, right?
00:06:03.000 But what exactly is bandwidth?
00:06:05.000 Like, this is how stupid I am.
00:06:06.000 This is how stupid I am on something that I rely on on a daily basis.
00:06:10.000 I don't know jack shit about how the internet works.
00:06:12.000 Yeah, you're pretty much paying to use computers to transfer data to you.
00:06:17.000 So it's using computers.
00:06:19.000 It's way overpriced than it should be, definitely.
00:06:23.000 Well, I don't know about all that.
00:06:26.000 Because imagine if you had to reset it up yourself.
00:06:28.000 Hey, you know, the internet, they quit.
00:06:31.000 Everybody quit.
00:06:32.000 Time to make a new internet.
00:06:34.000 Yeah.
00:06:35.000 How much would it cost?
00:06:37.000 How could you ever come up with 4G on your own?
00:06:40.000 Yeah.
00:06:41.000 No, we need these fuckers.
00:06:43.000 I don't know how they're doing this.
00:06:45.000 It would be smoke signals for me.
00:06:46.000 That's the next step.
00:06:47.000 I'm like, there's no internet?
00:06:48.000 I guess I'm yelling and starting fires.
00:06:50.000 Yelling louder.
00:06:51.000 We should be so happy that there are people out there that are way smarter than us that figured that fucking thing out.
00:06:56.000 We should be so happy, you know?
00:06:59.000 We would have never figured out the internet.
00:07:01.000 There's some, like, that, just the evidence that the internet is real, that is one of the best evidences that there are people that are just so far beyond how fucking smart you think smart is.
00:07:12.000 It's like, remember when you were, like, five or six years old, you had, like, a lot of times you had, like, this one kid in the neighborhood that maybe was, like, a little bit bigger, a little bit stronger than the other kids, and when you would play with them on the field, like, you'd get, like, bummed out, like, you'd get knocked over and shit.
00:07:30.000 Remember what you thought that was?
00:07:32.000 That was a strong little kid?
00:07:33.000 But if you were there right now, you'd be like, get out of here, you little fuck.
00:07:36.000 Stop knocking into everybody.
00:07:38.000 You know what I mean?
00:07:41.000 I was more scared that he had freckles or something like that.
00:07:43.000 Yeah, you'd be like, get out of here, you fucking little weirdo.
00:07:45.000 Don't be mean to me.
00:07:46.000 I'm a grown-ass man.
00:07:49.000 But that's what I feel like technologically and just the mental capacity of a super genius in comparison to me.
00:07:58.000 I feel like if I'm that little kid and if I tried to figure out how the fuck they figured out the internet, I'd just be like, oh, my brain doesn't work that good.
00:08:08.000 I can't talk to you.
00:08:09.000 You're freaking me out, man.
00:08:11.000 You know, if you went into one of those dudes' offices and they had those crazy, like, goodwill hunting shit on the wall, and he's doing those equations that fucking nobody understands.
00:08:20.000 Yeah.
00:08:21.000 You know, that they'll work on for years.
00:08:23.000 Even the professor didn't.
00:08:25.000 Yeah.
00:08:25.000 He's like, how did you?
00:08:26.000 I didn't even know that.
00:08:27.000 Yeah, remember, like, in goodwill hunting, the fucking janitor fixes the problem?
00:08:32.000 They leave it open so the janitor can work on the problem?
00:08:35.000 Really?
00:08:36.000 Really?
00:08:36.000 What if he just erased it?
00:08:37.000 What if he's just crazy?
00:08:39.000 Why are you a janitor, bitch?
00:08:41.000 This is a stupid story.
00:08:43.000 You're a super genius janitor.
00:08:44.000 Get the fuck out of here.
00:08:46.000 Get the fuck out of here.
00:08:47.000 You're smarter than anybody.
00:08:48.000 You can figure out these equations and nobody else can and you're also beautiful.
00:08:51.000 Right.
00:08:52.000 What are the odds?
00:08:53.000 And charming.
00:08:54.000 What are the odds?
00:08:55.000 Anyway, rogan.ting.com.
00:08:58.000 Go.
00:08:58.000 Get a phone.
00:08:59.000 They're awesome.
00:09:00.000 They have all the best Android phones.
00:09:03.000 And like I said, this one I got that's waterproof is the Galaxy S5. That's going to make the drought worse.
00:09:08.000 The Galaxy S5 is going to make the drought worse?
00:09:10.000 Because you'll be texting in the shower for like two hours.
00:09:14.000 I didn't even think about that.
00:09:15.000 People are going to start not worrying about the pool and shit.
00:09:19.000 Yeah.
00:09:19.000 Yeah, I mean, remember when they were dipping phones?
00:09:22.000 There was like a company that would dip them, like dip your iPhone, and then they would send it back to you and it would essentially be waterproof.
00:09:29.000 That's probably what they did with these.
00:09:31.000 They probably just dipped them.
00:09:32.000 Maybe.
00:09:32.000 But did that work?
00:09:33.000 Did that totally work?
00:09:33.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
00:09:34.000 Did that work?
00:09:35.000 Does anybody know if that worked?
00:09:37.000 I think for water resistance, it has to work.
00:09:40.000 Just dipping it has to work.
00:09:41.000 I mean, you could drop your phone in a toilet like all of us have, and it'd still work.
00:09:45.000 So the dipping it, I mean, even if it's 99% accurate, it's still probably going to work enough.
00:09:52.000 Yeah.
00:09:52.000 Yeah, I bet the fine print is like 20 pages long.
00:09:55.000 It's got to be under four minutes and all these other things.
00:09:58.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:09:59.000 It's probably got to be like under 30 meters or something.
00:10:02.000 They probably have like a, like what's like a good waterproof depth for a watch?
00:10:07.000 Because they have squirrely little rules.
00:10:09.000 So they'll say water-resistant up to 30 million.
00:10:12.000 Listen, bitch, is this waterproof or not?
00:10:15.000 I guess it's like water pressure.
00:10:17.000 Is that what it is?
00:10:18.000 That shit's legit.
00:10:21.000 I mean, if it hurts your ears, it probably would fuck with your phone, too.
00:10:23.000 It makes sense.
00:10:24.000 Anyway, rogan.ting.com.
00:10:26.000 Go there and save $25 off a new Ting phone, you dirty savages.
00:10:31.000 And last but not least, we're brought to you by Onnit.com.
00:10:35.000 It's O-N-N-I-T. Onnit is what you would call a human optimization website.
00:10:40.000 We sell strength and conditioning equipment.
00:10:43.000 We sell...
00:10:45.000 Delicious snacks and foods like the warrior bar which is this somebody actually brought this up I think this is an important point somebody's brought this up to me on Twitter There's no added nitrates in In these Buffalo bars, but there's naturally occurring nitrates that occur in sea salt and in celery So that's something to consider.
00:11:09.000 And also, I don't know whether or not...
00:11:12.000 I was saying on this ad before, when I would read it before, one of the points is that it has no nitrates.
00:11:20.000 And I don't know exactly if nitrates are actually bad for you in natural form.
00:11:24.000 I don't know if they're bad for you in sea salt form, or bad for you in celery, or if it's just a...
00:11:28.000 An amount thing.
00:11:29.000 And I think that's a good question for Dr. Rhonda Patrick.
00:11:32.000 And she's going to be coming back.
00:11:35.000 We're exchanging emails.
00:11:36.000 So hopefully I can get an answer from her on this kind of stuff.
00:11:39.000 When it comes to health and anything that's controversial, diets and supplementation and things along those lines...
00:11:48.000 I can't stress enough.
00:11:50.000 If you've got any questions about that kind of shit, you've got to Google it, and you've got to read both sides.
00:11:54.000 It's not comfortable to do.
00:11:56.000 It's annoying.
00:11:57.000 Say if you think that taking vitamin D is good for you, and you're like, well, let me go through it.
00:12:01.000 Oh, there's a bunch of papers that say vitamin D is good for you.
00:12:03.000 You've got to read vitamin D is bad for you.
00:12:06.000 Is vitamin D bad for you?
00:12:07.000 And read that, too.
00:12:08.000 Read whatever papers, whatever studies they have.
00:12:11.000 If you don't, you're kind of guessing.
00:12:13.000 Or if you know someone like Rhonda Patrick, you can ask her.
00:12:15.000 That's why she's awesome.
00:12:17.000 Isn't nitrous what make you have boners?
00:12:19.000 No, that's nitric oxide.
00:12:21.000 Boy, I'm glad you're not a fucking doctor.
00:12:24.000 You gave him some shit that makes beef jerky, dude.
00:12:28.000 No wonder his dick didn't get hard.
00:12:30.000 And is vitamin D bad for you?
00:12:32.000 No, vitamin D is excellent for you.
00:12:34.000 It's the thing that most people are deficient in, apparently.
00:12:36.000 According to numerous studies, they say that most people, like 70% of the population does not get enough vitamin D. I had my physical.
00:12:44.000 That's the only thing that was wrong with me.
00:12:47.000 Everybody do it.
00:12:48.000 It's super common.
00:12:49.000 We're not getting enough sun.
00:12:50.000 People are supposed to be on the sun all the time.
00:12:52.000 We're scared.
00:12:53.000 Everyone's scared of cancer.
00:12:55.000 I don't want to get the cancer.
00:12:57.000 And dairy too, right?
00:12:58.000 You get it a lot from dairy.
00:12:59.000 I don't want to get the cancer.
00:13:01.000 Doesn't dairy give you cancer?
00:13:03.000 No, no, vitamin D. Yes, you get it from milk.
00:13:05.000 I'm probably very deficient.
00:13:07.000 I'm lactose intolerant.
00:13:08.000 Are you really?
00:13:09.000 Yeah.
00:13:09.000 I'm getting there.
00:13:10.000 You should get your blood work done, man.
00:13:12.000 Get your shit checked out.
00:13:13.000 If anybody's ever interested in really getting healthy and fit, getting your diet checked out, getting your blood work done, finding out where your nutritional levels are, eat like you normally would eat.
00:13:25.000 Don't try to trick them.
00:13:26.000 Eat like you would normally.
00:13:27.000 Yeah, I'm all about kale, bro.
00:13:30.000 I'm all about organic celery.
00:13:32.000 But get your, you know, go to a reputable place and get your blood work done.
00:13:36.000 Find out where your nutrients are lacking.
00:13:38.000 It's really important.
00:13:40.000 A lot of times you think you have a good diet and you're just being naive.
00:13:42.000 You start looking at your diet and you go, oh, I eat a lot of shit.
00:13:45.000 I've never thought I had a good diet.
00:13:48.000 Well, you're one up on the delusional, folks.
00:13:51.000 I'll have one for four days and I go, now I deserve to eat a whole pie or something terrible.
00:13:56.000 There you go.
00:13:56.000 Gelato in bed.
00:13:57.000 So the Warrior Bars, what we were talking about, so take that into consideration, but they do have, they're 140 calories, 4 grams of fat in a 2-ounce serving with 14 grams of protein, which is a lot.
00:14:10.000 You know, that's really healthy.
00:14:11.000 And it's just natural buffalo with cranberries.
00:14:16.000 And it's this ancient recipe that Lakota people, the Lakota Native Americans, used to preserve their buffalo with.
00:14:25.000 It's delicious.
00:14:26.000 It tastes good.
00:14:27.000 And it's really guilt-free.
00:14:29.000 As far as, like, nitrates and celery and salt, it's all a very good question.
00:14:33.000 I'm going to have to look into that.
00:14:34.000 Oh, yeah.
00:14:35.000 It has celery juice in it.
00:14:36.000 I would say, don't be a pussy.
00:14:37.000 Don't worry about celery and salt.
00:14:39.000 That's just me.
00:14:40.000 You're worried about celery juice.
00:14:42.000 Fucking sea salt and celery.
00:14:43.000 If those are the two things that are going to take you out in this game, how weak is your defense, son?
00:14:48.000 How weak?
00:14:50.000 How weak?
00:14:52.000 We sell a lot of shit on it that we find.
00:14:55.000 You can find other places, but what we try to do is just get the best versions of it available.
00:15:01.000 Like hemp force protein powder is an important one when it comes to that.
00:15:05.000 You can get hemp protein from other places, but a lot of times it's super gritty.
00:15:11.000 It's not that easy to digest.
00:15:12.000 It's just a different texture.
00:15:14.000 It feels different when you drink it.
00:15:16.000 It's just because it's not the highest quality.
00:15:18.000 The stuff that we buy costs more money, but it's higher in protein, and it's easy to digest.
00:15:23.000 It's super powdery.
00:15:25.000 It's really interesting, the difference between the hemp forest protein powder, and I've used some powders from some other companies that use the cheaper shit.
00:15:32.000 It's just more coarse, more fiber in it, and it's like you taste it in your mouth when you're drinking grit.
00:15:39.000 But as far as your body's ability to digest it, I think it's the easiest form of protein to digest.
00:15:45.000 My body has zero problems.
00:15:47.000 I can drink a hemp force protein shake with coconut water and work out in like an hour.
00:15:56.000 There's nothing else I can eat where I can work out in an hour and I can be comfortable about it.
00:16:01.000 The stuff just digests so easily.
00:16:03.000 I love whey.
00:16:04.000 I love those muscle milks.
00:16:07.000 Those are fucking delicious.
00:16:08.000 Those taste good.
00:16:09.000 But my body does not react that well to that stuff.
00:16:14.000 What was the difference you noticed between muscle milk and the hemp, then?
00:16:17.000 No farts!
00:16:18.000 Let's be real, Nick Youssef.
00:16:20.000 Let's get crazy.
00:16:21.000 I would fart like crazy when I would drink the whey protein.
00:16:24.000 Remember Tate's farts?
00:16:25.000 They're still legendary.
00:16:27.000 It's all whey protein.
00:16:28.000 It's all whey protein, man.
00:16:30.000 But I like it.
00:16:31.000 I like whey protein.
00:16:32.000 I'm not saying it's bad, but as far as digestibility, hemp force is my favorite shit of all time.
00:16:38.000 Whether I was selling it or not, I would tell you that.
00:16:40.000 It's fucking fantastic.
00:16:43.000 So that's it.
00:16:43.000 Go to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN and you can save 10% off any and all supplements.
00:16:49.000 And what are the comedy dates you got coming up, Brian?
00:16:52.000 This weekend we're going to be in Tampa, Florida.
00:16:54.000 Me and Sam Tripoli.
00:16:56.000 Friday it's Tampa.
00:16:57.000 Saturday it's Jacksonville.
00:16:59.000 And then Sunday is Orlando.
00:17:02.000 And you can go to deathsquad.tv for tickets.
00:17:05.000 Powerful Florida.
00:17:06.000 Prepare yourself.
00:17:08.000 Bring penicillin, son.
00:17:10.000 It's Florida.
00:17:12.000 That's like up higher, right?
00:17:13.000 Those are okay.
00:17:13.000 They're the craziest people.
00:17:15.000 The craziest are the ones up high.
00:17:17.000 Yeah.
00:17:17.000 Really?
00:17:17.000 Yeah.
00:17:18.000 Orlando's in the middle.
00:17:19.000 Yeah.
00:17:20.000 Orlando's a good spot.
00:17:21.000 Yeah.
00:17:22.000 You know what?
00:17:23.000 But South Florida's fun too, man.
00:17:25.000 They're fun.
00:17:26.000 I enjoy doing shows down there.
00:17:28.000 People are crazy.
00:17:29.000 It's a totally different world.
00:17:30.000 It's a completely different world than the rest of America.
00:17:33.000 It really is.
00:17:34.000 Yeah.
00:17:34.000 South Florida's wild.
00:17:35.000 In all the bad ways, like Florida Man, you follow that Florida Man Twitter account?
00:17:40.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:17:41.000 It's fucking great.
00:17:42.000 I mean, there's just no denying.
00:17:44.000 I mean, I would like to have someone like Sam Harris, some really rational guy, break down why Florida actually has no more crime.
00:17:53.000 It's just that, for whatever reason, people focus on Florida.
00:17:56.000 But I don't know if that's entirely accurate.
00:17:58.000 The sheer numbers of idiocy that you get, just the numbers of morons that come out of Florida, it's almost hard to believe.
00:18:06.000 I've watched almost every single episode of Cops, and Florida is always the best episodes.
00:18:12.000 That's a great show, by the way.
00:18:14.000 They re-edited all the old episodes of Cops.
00:18:19.000 And made them HD and edited them real fast and quick now.
00:18:23.000 It's called Cops Reloaded.
00:18:25.000 Oh, that's so ridiculous.
00:18:26.000 I wonder how much they could do just on Florida.
00:18:30.000 Because they picked out from every episode.
00:18:32.000 You could just have cameras running 24 hours a day and hire some editors.
00:18:36.000 Just keep the cameras on.
00:18:38.000 You would never go wrong.
00:18:40.000 Wacky shit happens in Florida.
00:18:42.000 If you were a vice cop in Miami and you had a camera on your car, We don't need to do commercials anymore.
00:18:50.000 It's over.
00:18:51.000 We're here.
00:18:52.000 We don't need the music.
00:18:53.000 Fuck it.
00:18:54.000 But if you were a vice cop and you were in Miami and they just put a camera in your head, how much wacky shit would you see every year?
00:19:01.000 It would probably be madness.
00:19:02.000 Oh, I mean, it would be every other day.
00:19:04.000 There'd be something amazing.
00:19:06.000 Something crazy.
00:19:06.000 Like, everyone should just have a GoPro.
00:19:09.000 On their head and just be traveling around.
00:19:11.000 Well, they kind of do now in a lot of states.
00:19:12.000 They said that's lowered the instances of police harassment or police brutality substantially.
00:19:19.000 And I know, I believe Los Angeles has some sort of program, at least on some of the officers.
00:19:25.000 Where they put these cameras on them.
00:19:27.000 You know, we're starting to see so much video of cops beating people up, man.
00:19:31.000 It's really disturbing.
00:19:32.000 It is.
00:19:32.000 It's so disturbing.
00:19:34.000 Like, that one cop that beat that lady up on the side of the freeway.
00:19:38.000 You've seen that one?
00:19:39.000 Yeah, that is fucked up.
00:19:40.000 Holy shit, dude.
00:19:41.000 She might have been mentally challenged and she was acting like...
00:19:44.000 She was walking on the freeway.
00:19:47.000 Yeah, I don't know what her deal was.
00:19:49.000 I don't know.
00:19:50.000 But if that is the only way that he can control her, he shouldn't be a cop.
00:19:54.000 You can't just fucking waylay somebody in the face over and over again while you're holding onto their neck on the side of the highway.
00:20:01.000 You just can't do that.
00:20:02.000 That's not defensive.
00:20:04.000 You're not saving them from themselves.
00:20:06.000 You're not saving anybody from them.
00:20:08.000 You're assaulting them.
00:20:09.000 You should be able to contain that woman.
00:20:11.000 That woman wasn't striking him at all.
00:20:14.000 If you had any, you know, knowledge of jujitsu whatsoever, you would just contain her.
00:20:18.000 It would be really easy to do.
00:20:20.000 I mean, you might get hit with some clawing at you and shit, but you could hold her in place, and nobody has to get hurt.
00:20:27.000 If you're a cop, it's not like that woman was attacking him.
00:20:30.000 If that woman was attacking him, say if that woman had a bat or a knife or something like that, she's coming at him and he took her down and punched her in the face, I'm all for that.
00:20:38.000 That might as well be an animal.
00:20:39.000 A person that's attacking you with a weapon might as well be an animal.
00:20:43.000 That's how I feel.
00:20:43.000 Would you kick a dog that tried to bite you?
00:20:45.000 Fuck yeah!
00:20:46.000 A person with a knife that's coming at you, it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, they're getting punched in their fucking face.
00:20:52.000 For real.
00:20:53.000 You have to.
00:20:54.000 Otherwise, you're a dead man, Brian!
00:20:56.000 Yes.
00:20:56.000 Is running an option?
00:20:57.000 Because I'd like to just run away.
00:20:59.000 Yeah, if you can run faster, definitely do it.
00:21:02.000 Okay, cool, I'll do that.
00:21:02.000 If you can go side to side, if you've got a good juke.
00:21:06.000 But at the end of the day, if you're a cop, you can't just beat somebody up like that.
00:21:12.000 You just can't do that.
00:21:13.000 That lady's not hitting you.
00:21:15.000 She wouldn't listen?
00:21:17.000 What's going on?
00:21:18.000 There's no way she could have been doing anything That justified getting the fuck beat out of her like that.
00:21:24.000 Isn't there some police force that's now putting GoPros on all the cops?
00:21:29.000 Their whole force, you have to have a GoPro camera on your person now.
00:21:34.000 We should probably Google this because we keep saying it.
00:21:35.000 I just heard it the other day.
00:21:37.000 That'd be great.
00:21:37.000 That makes so much more sense.
00:21:39.000 I don't know.
00:21:40.000 What it should be is something that broadcasts.
00:21:45.000 Yeah, that would be cool.
00:21:46.000 That would be the best cops, by the way, ever.
00:21:49.000 Ever.
00:21:50.000 You go, hmm, I want to see what's going on in my hometown, cops.
00:21:53.000 You could just stream it in real life.
00:21:55.000 What's Compton really like?
00:21:58.000 Cops use GoPros to film traffic stop.
00:22:01.000 Oh, this is different.
00:22:03.000 I think it was Florida, actually, now that I think about it, that was doing it.
00:22:07.000 Florida, police camera.
00:22:09.000 Look at this.
00:22:09.000 A cop uses a GoPro to film a traffic stop of a lieutenant cop.
00:22:14.000 A Miami police officer, he made a routine traffic stop.
00:22:18.000 He discovered that it's a man of superior rank, like a cop that's superior rank to him.
00:22:24.000 They start fighting, and he got suspended.
00:22:28.000 Yeah, I saw that.
00:22:29.000 And the lieutenant is merely reassigned.
00:22:32.000 Huh.
00:22:32.000 Yeah, he filmed the whole thing, too, and...
00:22:35.000 There's like a hierarchy like that's like a weird thing the rank thing for police officers like that's some military shit like the whole rank thing like that he had to like you know give in to a superior officer like that's what the issue is a superior rank yeah how weird is that like a guy's a general yeah like we're not at war yeah that person ran a red light like let's calm down I mean,
00:23:02.000 I guess cops should be able to get better positions as they get better at their job, and they should get more prestige as they get more experience and knowledge.
00:23:11.000 Yeah.
00:23:11.000 Officer Realta California now required to wear video cameras while on duty.
00:23:15.000 See, it's right in the middle, and so it's just like a full-on GoPro that just records every time.
00:23:20.000 One year, the use of force have dropped 60%.
00:23:22.000 Complaints have dropped 88%.
00:23:25.000 Wow.
00:23:25.000 Holy shit.
00:23:27.000 Holy shit.
00:23:28.000 Wow.
00:23:29.000 That's accountability, man.
00:23:31.000 Yeah.
00:23:31.000 It's all about accountability.
00:23:32.000 That's exactly what that is, you know?
00:23:35.000 It's not that...
00:23:36.000 Being a cop is a tricky decision.
00:23:39.000 To be the guy who decides how things get handled in times of stress, and that's your job.
00:23:45.000 You do that every day.
00:23:46.000 You come in, people are screaming, wives and husbands are...
00:23:49.000 You're worried you're going to get shot.
00:23:51.000 Like, they're always worried they're going to get shot.
00:23:52.000 Like, domestic violence cases especially.
00:23:54.000 Can you imagine?
00:23:55.000 You don't have anything to do with these crazy people.
00:23:57.000 But the neighbors' lights are all on.
00:23:58.000 It's 5 o'clock in the morning.
00:24:00.000 People are screaming.
00:24:01.000 They're throwing shit.
00:24:02.000 And, you know, you hear the guy say, I'm going to fucking kill you.
00:24:05.000 And you're outside, and you're a cop.
00:24:07.000 You're like, Jesus Christ, here we go.
00:24:09.000 Like, that's your job.
00:24:10.000 That's a crazy job.
00:24:12.000 It's hard for anybody, I think, to expect that people that go through that job on a daily basis are perfect, or that they should be held to the same standards as everybody else, as far as their ability to tolerate bullshit.
00:24:26.000 Because they see too much.
00:24:29.000 That's a crazy job.
00:24:30.000 It's a crazy job.
00:24:33.000 When people look at police brutality, you've got to look at the cops, too.
00:24:37.000 What are these guys being subjected to?
00:24:39.000 It's not just that these cops...
00:24:42.000 Are lashing out and attacking people?
00:24:46.000 It's like, what's making them ramp up their violence?
00:24:50.000 Are they just inherently violent?
00:24:51.000 That's a real convenient way to look at it, to just decide they're just inherently violent.
00:24:55.000 And that they're assholes and bullies, and that's why they became cops in the first place.
00:24:58.000 And that might be correct for some, but you also gotta take into consideration what they're seeing on a daily basis.
00:25:05.000 Their fucking job is It's to deal with the worst situations that people have to see every day.
00:25:11.000 Every day.
00:25:11.000 Bullets, car accidents, motorcycle wreck, violence, murder, suicide.
00:25:17.000 Yeah, the worst parts of humanity all day long.
00:25:19.000 The worst.
00:25:19.000 Liars, liars, thieves, rapists.
00:25:22.000 All day.
00:25:24.000 It's got to be overwhelming.
00:25:25.000 And then for them to be, you know, in a situation with a person and the person is like, I don't have to listen to you.
00:25:32.000 Oh, you don't, you fucking bitch.
00:25:34.000 Listen to this.
00:25:36.000 It's like they're so wound up.
00:25:38.000 They're always at like eight, you know?
00:25:41.000 If you live in that world and you're constantly like, Dodging this and evading that and capturing this guy and pulling that guy off the street.
00:25:50.000 Fuck, man.
00:25:52.000 That's why it surprises me when you see cops that are so young.
00:25:56.000 When there's a 21-year-old, 22-year-old cop, and you're like, that guy's going to be able to handle all this stress?
00:26:02.000 Like the domestic violence thing?
00:26:04.000 He'd show up to a house, husband and wife are arguing, and it's like, that kid's probably had sex twice.
00:26:10.000 And he's supposed to know what to do during a...
00:26:13.000 Yeah, I wonder if they have people that they specifically assign to those kind of cases that are good at that shit.
00:26:21.000 Okay, yeah.
00:26:22.000 Does that make sense?
00:26:23.000 That's like an Al Pacino role in Heat.
00:26:26.000 Norman, can I talk to you?
00:26:28.000 Get the guy to the window and put the gun down, Norman.
00:26:33.000 There's a lot of cops here.
00:26:35.000 You know, it'd be like the guy who, like, slowly talks you off the ledge.
00:26:39.000 Yeah.
00:26:39.000 I bet in real life cop world, though, it's like, what is it?
00:26:42.000 Is it a murder?
00:26:43.000 There's no specialists.
00:26:44.000 Like, dude, I don't even do robbery.
00:26:46.000 I'm not doing robbery.
00:26:47.000 I'm over here.
00:26:48.000 I'm doing violent crime.
00:26:49.000 Yeah.
00:26:50.000 Nothing petty.
00:26:51.000 Like, no, they're cops.
00:26:52.000 They show up where there's, you know, there's, like, vice departments, right?
00:26:55.000 And they have, like, different departments.
00:26:57.000 But for the most part, they all deal with bullshit.
00:27:02.000 Yeah, it's like, who's closer to the crime?
00:27:04.000 Just get there and deal with it.
00:27:05.000 Deal with nonsense all day.
00:27:07.000 Deal with the worst of us.
00:27:10.000 And every time they talk to people, the people are lying.
00:27:13.000 Like, most of the time, most of the time, people are talking to cops, they're lying.
00:27:18.000 Yeah, I don't think I've ever talked to a cop when it hasn't been like, I'm on the end of getting in trouble, and I'm like, how do I get out of this?
00:27:25.000 Exactly!
00:27:26.000 I've never just been like, hey officer, nice to see you today.
00:27:29.000 I've never done that.
00:27:31.000 That's funny.
00:27:31.000 Yeah, that's a lot of people's interaction with cops on the street, man.
00:27:34.000 That's a lot of people's, if you think about it, remember that video, that kid was taking a video, the woman was beating him up, and she was screaming at him, and he was like, stop hitting me, please stop, and that's all he was doing.
00:27:47.000 And she was saying that she was going to say that he sexually assaulted her.
00:27:50.000 Yeah.
00:27:50.000 Remember the other one that we showed that the old women stealing the guy's beach stuff?
00:27:56.000 Yeah.
00:27:57.000 The guys on Reddit found her name and her Facebook and everyone started going to her page.
00:28:03.000 Oh my god.
00:28:04.000 And it's ridiculous because it looks like she's just a normal woman that just happened to be stealing shit.
00:28:09.000 Well, you know what?
00:28:10.000 That's a weird thing about people's looks.
00:28:12.000 There's some sweetie pie looking people that are killers.
00:28:15.000 Yeah.
00:28:16.000 Ted Bundy.
00:28:16.000 Yeah, perfect example.
00:28:18.000 Yeah.
00:28:18.000 Yeah.
00:28:19.000 I've met, like, there's a lot of MMA guys like that, too.
00:28:23.000 Like, you would never know.
00:28:24.000 Jiu-Jitsu guys.
00:28:25.000 There's a lot of Jiu-Jitsu guys.
00:28:26.000 Like, you would never know.
00:28:27.000 You look at them, they just look like normal dudes.
00:28:29.000 And they would kill people.
00:28:31.000 It's just like there's something about their head.
00:28:35.000 It's not just their physical abilities, it's like their head.
00:28:38.000 They have like a little something extra, a little piece of...
00:28:41.000 But they look like, you know, Opie, you know?
00:28:44.000 They look like an all-American boy.
00:28:46.000 They look like a total normal, sweet-faced fella, you know?
00:28:49.000 Meanwhile, they're just stone-cold killers.
00:28:52.000 Some old lady could be a dirty murderer.
00:28:54.000 You know, you're looking at her on the beach, and she's like someone's Grammy.
00:28:58.000 Like, where's your grandparents?
00:29:00.000 Oh, they're over there by that tent.
00:29:02.000 Oh, hi, Grammy!
00:29:03.000 Hi!
00:29:03.000 That's her.
00:29:04.000 Meanwhile, she's a dirty, stinky thief.
00:29:06.000 Stealing someone's tent, packing it up.
00:29:08.000 And then she's done it before, obviously, because when that guy came up to her, she wasn't surprised.
00:29:13.000 She was playing it off.
00:29:15.000 Like, well, this is ours.
00:29:16.000 I'm pretty sure this is ours.
00:29:19.000 Like, this is our stuff.
00:29:22.000 It was a complicated tent.
00:29:24.000 They got like fucking posts and shit and they're folding everything up and putting it in bags and stuff.
00:29:29.000 This old dirty broads just stealing stuff.
00:29:33.000 She probably has gotten away with that for the last 15 years.
00:29:37.000 Yeah.
00:29:37.000 After you hit a certain age, no one suspects you.
00:29:39.000 Right.
00:29:40.000 That innocent old person's not going to steal anything.
00:29:43.000 Well, people become kleptos, and they don't even know why.
00:29:47.000 Like, I had a girl that I was dating when I was in high school that had a bit of an issue at one point in time, and she was a very good person.
00:29:55.000 She wasn't a bad person at all.
00:29:57.000 She's not like a...
00:30:00.000 We're good to go.
00:30:09.000 And she got in trouble for it.
00:30:10.000 She didn't get arrested, but she got caught.
00:30:12.000 She didn't give the stuff back.
00:30:13.000 I don't remember.
00:30:14.000 It wasn't anything monumental, but it was enough where she was trying to understand why she was doing this.
00:30:22.000 I almost can't stop.
00:30:25.000 I go in the store, and there's something I want, and I know no one's looking, and I figure out a way to get it.
00:30:31.000 And I'm like, that's crazy.
00:30:32.000 Like, that's stealing.
00:30:33.000 But it was like, when they say kleptomania, like, for some folks, it really is an issue.
00:30:40.000 Like, they really can get obsessed with this idea of stealing something, and they can't help it.
00:30:45.000 Joey Diaz used to do it allegedly all the time.
00:30:48.000 Allegedly.
00:30:49.000 When we were at the airport, we'd just be like...
00:30:52.000 He would just be stuffing hamburgers in his pockets, and you're just like, what the fuck are you doing?
00:30:56.000 He's like, don't worry about this, Brian!
00:30:59.000 Or he would just go and get to one of those little stands where they have drinks and popcorn and stuff, and he's just putting stuff in his pockets right in the open.
00:31:07.000 Is it more about the thrill?
00:31:09.000 It's not even like, oh, I need this thing?
00:31:11.000 Is it like the adrenaline?
00:31:12.000 Can I get away with it?
00:31:13.000 Let's say this about Joey.
00:31:14.000 That was a long time ago.
00:31:16.000 He's a different guy now.
00:31:17.000 He doesn't do that at all anymore.
00:31:19.000 I don't know.
00:31:19.000 The girl was 17 at the time.
00:31:21.000 And like I said, she's not a bad person by any stretch of the imagination.
00:31:25.000 She's very nice.
00:31:26.000 She's very smart, too.
00:31:28.000 She just had a thing.
00:31:29.000 And the thing was she wanted to steal shit.
00:31:32.000 And I don't think, you know, it could be a combination.
00:31:35.000 First of all, when you're 17, you're essentially insane.
00:31:38.000 You know?
00:31:39.000 I mean, you really are not sure what's going on.
00:31:42.000 For the last couple years, your body's been overwhelmed with hormones.
00:31:46.000 And you're like, why do I feel so different than I did just two or three years ago?
00:31:52.000 And you're obsessed with girls, right?
00:31:55.000 And girls are obsessed with boys.
00:31:57.000 And so you just start fooling around, having sex, and it becomes like your whole life.
00:32:02.000 It becomes obsessive when you're young.
00:32:04.000 And you're about to become an adult.
00:32:06.000 And you're going to have to take care of yourself.
00:32:07.000 And you're like, what?!
00:32:08.000 Nobody taught me shit!
00:32:10.000 I just want to fuck all day.
00:32:12.000 I'm fucked.
00:32:12.000 I'm 17. I'm almost 18. Then I got to fend for myself, you know, and then graduation's out and you take your deep breath and you try to figure it out.
00:32:21.000 Like, wow, what next?
00:32:23.000 They're all crazy.
00:32:24.000 Everyone that age is crazy.
00:32:26.000 So some of them steal clothes and some of them sniff paint and some of them, you know, whatever.
00:32:31.000 Become cops that beat people.
00:32:33.000 Yeah, it's a little harder than you can't be more than 17. How old do you have to be to be a cop?
00:32:39.000 I think 18. It should be 40. If you can join the military at 18, you'd think you'd be...
00:32:43.000 It should be 40. It should be 40-year-old dudes that are yoked.
00:32:47.000 They're like hiring in Burbank cops right now.
00:32:49.000 There's signs everywhere that says, I'm now hiring.
00:32:51.000 I'm sure.
00:32:51.000 It's probably a tough job.
00:32:53.000 It's probably tough to get people to do.
00:32:55.000 Because, you know, I don't think most of us have the perspective to understand what they have to go through.
00:33:00.000 So I think a lot of people also treat cops with disdain.
00:33:03.000 It's kind of cool to treat cops with disdain.
00:33:06.000 But that's all well and good, but if the shit hit the fan, you'd be fucking happy there were cops.
00:33:10.000 Oh yeah.
00:33:11.000 Yeah, remember that North Hollywood shootout?
00:33:13.000 Remember that shit?
00:33:14.000 Oh yeah, with the fully automatic weapons?
00:33:16.000 Do you remember that, Brian?
00:33:17.000 Oh yeah, it was like a video game.
00:33:19.000 Dude, we were on news radio.
00:33:21.000 It was on the set of news radio.
00:33:22.000 And I forget who told us it was happening, but we all gathered up in this break room to watch this.
00:33:27.000 And we were watching this on the TV. Someone's office or something.
00:33:30.000 I don't remember where we were watching it.
00:33:31.000 But we were like, this is fucking crazy.
00:33:34.000 Like, we were all holding our hands on our heads like, what are we looking at?
00:33:38.000 This dude's armed to the tits.
00:33:40.000 He's got...
00:33:41.000 Are you showing it?
00:33:42.000 Pull it up on the screen so we can see it too.
00:33:44.000 This dude is armed to the tits.
00:33:46.000 He's got...
00:33:59.000 I don't know.
00:34:03.000 The North Hollywood shootout is what you want.
00:34:05.000 Is this it?
00:34:06.000 Yeah, this is North Hollywood shootout.
00:34:07.000 Oh, this is the end.
00:34:08.000 That's where they just shot him.
00:34:10.000 This is the end.
00:34:11.000 There were some videos before of him fully armed up, giant machine guns and shit shooting at cops, and these cops had pistols.
00:34:21.000 Their bullets were bouncing off of them.
00:34:23.000 Yeah, I mean, the cops had standard...
00:34:25.000 You know, officer-issued pistols, and this fucking guy had, like, the craziest rifles money can buy.
00:34:31.000 Yeah.
00:34:32.000 Machine guns and shit, and just these two dudes held all these cops at bay.
00:34:37.000 This is the same one where they were trying to rob a bank, right?
00:34:39.000 Mm-hmm.
00:34:40.000 That's that one, yeah.
00:34:40.000 Yep.
00:34:41.000 Yeah.
00:34:42.000 But see, if it wasn't for cops, then what?
00:34:45.000 Those guys do that again next week, and they do it again the week after, and then who stops them?
00:34:49.000 Who stops them?
00:34:50.000 Yeah, we would not be able to...
00:34:52.000 Exactly.
00:34:52.000 They'd sort of go in house to house.
00:34:53.000 Like, I have an iPhone.
00:34:54.000 Someone I can throw at you or something?
00:34:55.000 What do you do?
00:34:56.000 If someone's that crazy that they're willing to do something like that, who knows where that guy's limits are?
00:35:01.000 That guy could easily just go door to door and gun people down.
00:35:04.000 And how many friends he has that are willing?
00:35:07.000 Imagine if it was a hundred of those guys out in the street.
00:35:10.000 Exactly.
00:35:11.000 That's what you've got to really worry about.
00:35:13.000 What you've got to really worry about is people that don't think you need a military or don't think you need law enforcement, you're Really kind of underestimating the evil that human beings are capable of.
00:35:22.000 We've just been in a nice place here in America for a few hundred years.
00:35:26.000 Pretty sweet as far as world history goes.
00:35:29.000 Like it's invading violence.
00:35:31.000 Pretty sweet.
00:35:31.000 Like one of the best spots ever.
00:35:33.000 Like a solid 200 plus years of nobody coming over here and fucking us up.
00:35:39.000 Like a few little baby attacks, but nothing in comparison to anything that any other empire had to go through over like, you know, the course of its reign.
00:35:48.000 If you think about how many human beings, how many different countries there are in this country, and then that we have military bases in like 100 plus of those countries, those numbers are crazy.
00:36:01.000 Just stopping and thinking about how many of us there are is nuts.
00:36:06.000 But if there wasn't a military and some crazy fucks like those North Hollywood guys gathered up together and decided to start taking shit over, what would you do?
00:36:15.000 People are capable of that.
00:36:17.000 It's a very unfortunate, but it's a realistic aspect.
00:36:22.000 It's a realistic subject.
00:36:23.000 It needs to be breached.
00:36:24.000 It's very unfortunate that people are capable of things like that, but they are.
00:36:27.000 And to not plan on it and to not be prepared in case it happens...
00:36:33.000 There's a lot of civilizations that don't exist anymore because of that.
00:36:36.000 Yeah, you get used to the safety you have.
00:36:39.000 Then you go to a third world country and you're like, oh, things aren't as together over there.
00:36:44.000 And there's groups of people who are fighting other groups.
00:36:47.000 That could never happen here.
00:36:49.000 Unless they got in a boat.
00:36:51.000 Unless they got over here.
00:36:53.000 See, anything can happen here once it happens here.
00:36:56.000 How quickly would they be able to tighten it down?
00:36:59.000 I don't know.
00:37:00.000 I would hope quickly.
00:37:01.000 I would hope quickly.
00:37:02.000 But when people look at things like...
00:37:05.000 When you look at things like the bad aspects of the military or the bad aspects of war...
00:37:15.000 And the bad aspects of police enforcement, law enforcement, the bad aspects of people being horrible and police brutality in those situations.
00:37:25.000 I think people are tending to go in only one direction with the idea.
00:37:32.000 Like, they're only looking at the violence that these cops are doing to civilians.
00:37:36.000 They're not looking at, like, what are we asking these people to do?
00:37:39.000 What are we asking these normal people to do for $40,000 a year?
00:37:43.000 And how much of an assurance do we have that these people are of sound character, where they can get through that gig?
00:37:50.000 Yeah, I know there's some screening processes, but how thorough is it really?
00:37:53.000 And how much do we really know about the impact of day-to-day violence, day-to-day bullshit that these people have to deal with?
00:38:00.000 It sounds like the craziest job ever.
00:38:02.000 Imagine if you had to be a vice cop?
00:38:04.000 No.
00:38:05.000 But I would think that I would want that GoPro on me at all times.
00:38:08.000 Oh, yeah.
00:38:09.000 Yeah, I think that would...
00:38:09.000 I think that's the most important thing for cops nowadays.
00:38:13.000 I think they need that.
00:38:14.000 I think that would be a perfect way to police the police and help the cops at the same time.
00:38:21.000 Imagine starting in a bad neighborhood, too.
00:38:23.000 I'd want to start in the suburbs.
00:38:24.000 I'd want to go from Burbank to Watts.
00:38:27.000 I'm like, just let me do a couple traffic stops before I'm involved in a shootout.
00:38:31.000 There was a guy that I used to do taekwondo with that he got reassigned.
00:38:36.000 He wanted to get reassigned to a more urban area.
00:38:40.000 And I go, why do you want to do that?
00:38:41.000 It's like, there's more action.
00:38:43.000 I was like, more action?
00:38:45.000 Wow.
00:38:46.000 I would want to start off like small town, like where there's two cops for the whole city, you know?
00:38:50.000 Yeah.
00:38:51.000 No, this dude wanted to be where the shit was going down.
00:38:54.000 He genuinely enjoyed it.
00:38:57.000 He was an odd duck.
00:39:00.000 He was like this weird sort of hard ass cop guy who liked to fight.
00:39:08.000 But he was a really nice guy.
00:39:09.000 Like as a cop, he was really nice.
00:39:11.000 Did he have, like, a good sense for justice?
00:39:13.000 He was, like, a power guy?
00:39:14.000 No, he was weird.
00:39:16.000 He was a sweet guy, but it seemed like he would, like, look forward to someone doing something that he could correct him on.
00:39:22.000 Yeah.
00:39:22.000 You know?
00:39:23.000 Like, if you didn't do anything wrong, he was, like, a super nice guy.
00:39:27.000 But it was weird being friends with this dude while I was, like, a young teenager.
00:39:30.000 Because I always, like, thought of cops.
00:39:31.000 Like, oh, shit, I'm going to get arrested.
00:39:33.000 You know?
00:39:33.000 Just think of all the people that I knew that were dirtbags.
00:39:36.000 Like, oh, I've got to get out of here.
00:39:37.000 There's a cop.
00:39:38.000 You know, but he was older than me, but it was a weird sort of a relationship.
00:39:46.000 Because he was older than me, but I was better at martial arts than him.
00:39:49.000 So I'd beat his ass.
00:39:51.000 But he was a cop.
00:39:52.000 And then he'd arrest you.
00:39:54.000 Well, he didn't arrest me.
00:39:56.000 But, you know, I would even take it easy on him.
00:39:59.000 Sometimes sparring.
00:40:00.000 Because he was a cop.
00:40:01.000 Because I would just think, like, I do not want this dude, like, developing a grudge, you know?
00:40:07.000 Oh, yeah.
00:40:08.000 Because people could develop a grudge, you know?
00:40:11.000 And especially, like, sparring sessions.
00:40:15.000 There's, like, sparring sessions for striking and there's sparring sessions for grappling.
00:40:19.000 Sparring sessions for grappling are way safer.
00:40:21.000 So you can go really, really go at it hard.
00:40:23.000 But sparring sessions for striking...
00:40:26.000 They're really dangerous because people get knocked out all the time.
00:40:29.000 So there's like a certain amount of respect that you have to give each other and you have to not hit each other that hard.
00:40:34.000 And some guys just don't play by that.
00:40:36.000 Some guys just, it all goes out the window and they start winging shots at you and next thing you know you're in a melee.
00:40:40.000 Like it happens all the time where a sparring session turns into an all-out fight.
00:40:45.000 It happens all the time.
00:40:46.000 So you don't want to do that with a cop.
00:40:50.000 Especially a cop that knows how to fight pretty good, too.
00:40:53.000 See the John Jones thing?
00:40:55.000 Yeah, it was crazy, man.
00:40:56.000 John Jones and Daniel Cormier got in this huge scrap at a press conference.
00:41:00.000 It was ridiculous.
00:41:01.000 John Jones got in Daniel Cormier's face, put his forehead on Daniel Cormier's forehead, and Daniel Cormier grabbed John Jones by the neck and pushed him away, and John dropped his belt, and then it was just bodies colliding.
00:41:14.000 Wow.
00:41:14.000 And...
00:41:16.000 John immediately, I guess, you know, it's a wild scramble, but John was on top.
00:41:21.000 And John was like, I took you down so quick, within seven seconds you were on your back.
00:41:25.000 And you're like, oh no, like the shit talking just escalated to a totally different level.
00:41:30.000 And John Jones put out a video that said, you suck, you're so weak.
00:41:35.000 When I got a hold of you, you felt so weak.
00:41:38.000 And then he deleted the video, which is really interesting.
00:41:41.000 See, this is what happened.
00:41:44.000 Poor guy in the middle.
00:41:45.000 Yeah, that guy.
00:41:47.000 This is just a colliding pile of bodies.
00:41:50.000 Dan is on a vacation.
00:41:51.000 He wasn't even there.
00:41:52.000 Yeah, this can't happen.
00:41:56.000 You can't do that.
00:41:57.000 This is real bad for the sport.
00:41:59.000 It's real bad.
00:42:00.000 It's real bad for public perception.
00:42:02.000 It's a weapon to be used against MMA. You know, it's unfortunate.
00:42:09.000 What you gotta have, everybody should have, is...
00:42:13.000 A no-contact policy.
00:42:15.000 Unless guys agree to hug, you know, you agree to shake hands and hug, you should have a no-contact policy.
00:42:21.000 And anybody who clearly violates that no-contact policy gets fined.
00:42:24.000 You know, some guys can deal with it, that getting in each other's face, but when you have a situation like this, You know, you gotta have to have a no-contact policy with those guys.
00:42:34.000 Yeah, cause like the weigh-ins, they're always doing the forehead stuff and getting it in people's face.
00:42:38.000 I don't know, man.
00:42:39.000 I think it's ridiculous.
00:42:40.000 It's ridiculous.
00:42:41.000 And some of it's gamesmanship, but it's just so bad for the image of the sport.
00:42:44.000 Is that starting to happen more often?
00:42:46.000 No, it's pretty rare.
00:42:47.000 It's pretty rare, but that's a big high-profile fight.
00:42:50.000 Yeah.
00:42:50.000 I mean, like Ronda, Rousey, Amish, Tate, they got head-to-head in each of those faces.
00:43:01.000 They were professional about it.
00:43:03.000 They didn't do anything about it.
00:43:04.000 These guys were not professional.
00:43:05.000 It was like immediate.
00:43:07.000 Yeah, you can't do that.
00:43:10.000 You can't grab each other and fucking slap.
00:43:12.000 And if you say, hey, I don't want to headbutt you, man.
00:43:16.000 But nobody wants to give ground.
00:43:19.000 They don't want anybody getting any psychological advantage.
00:43:24.000 And so they have to show each other, like, I'll fucking fight you right here, bitch.
00:43:28.000 And then, you know, that's when shit like this happens.
00:43:31.000 It's like they just have to treat it...
00:43:34.000 The importance of that not happening is huge.
00:43:37.000 It's huge.
00:43:39.000 There's such a negative connotation attached to what that is.
00:43:44.000 That's just violence.
00:43:45.000 The difference between that kind of violence and the violence of a sport is the violence of a sport is everyone's agreeing to this scenario.
00:43:53.000 You're agreeing to train for X amount of weeks.
00:43:56.000 You're going to fight for X amount of rounds.
00:43:58.000 You're going to fight this guy.
00:43:59.000 He weighs what you weigh.
00:44:00.000 Everybody prepares.
00:44:01.000 You meet at this day and you compete.
00:44:03.000 And it's a very dangerous form of competition, and yes, it is fighting as a competition, but it's not violence the same way that that is.
00:44:10.000 That's a street fight.
00:44:12.000 That's a world champion mixed martial arts fighter and an Olympic wrestler, and they're street fighting.
00:44:19.000 That's bad for everybody.
00:44:20.000 That's bad for wrestling.
00:44:21.000 That's bad for MMA. That's bad for sports.
00:44:24.000 It's fun for people to watch, you know?
00:44:27.000 Oh, yeah.
00:44:28.000 You know, part of me, I have two ways of looking at it.
00:44:30.000 Part of me is like, that's bad for the sport, but part of me is like, how do I feel about it, though?
00:44:35.000 Does it bum me out?
00:44:37.000 No.
00:44:37.000 No, it doesn't make me upset.
00:44:39.000 I'm not upset.
00:44:40.000 I'm looking forward to watching this fight even more now.
00:44:43.000 Would I have liked it to not happen?
00:44:45.000 Absolutely.
00:44:46.000 Absolutely.
00:44:46.000 I wish that they were very professional about this.
00:44:48.000 They don't need to do that.
00:44:49.000 That fight's going to be amazing no matter what happens.
00:44:52.000 But, since it did happen, and I got to see it, I'm like, whoa!
00:44:55.000 I'm not going to pretend that that's not fun.
00:44:58.000 I'm not going to pretend that that didn't make everybody way more excited about that fight, because it fucking for sure did.
00:45:04.000 Yeah, it's not good.
00:45:05.000 It's not good to do.
00:45:06.000 But...
00:45:07.000 It was fun to watch.
00:45:09.000 And more people are going to be excited about the fight.
00:45:11.000 I mean, that's the Catch-22.
00:45:13.000 There's no real black or white about this.
00:45:17.000 You know, as a representative of the sport, I absolutely wish it didn't happen.
00:45:21.000 As a person who cares a lot about the future of the sport and...
00:45:25.000 The public's perception, which I think is already a little skewed.
00:45:28.000 I think there's a lot of people that aren't fans that like to look at the people that fight in MMA as just barbarians.
00:45:34.000 But there are a lot of nice guys that fight in the UFC. And they're some of the nicest athletes you'll ever meet.
00:45:40.000 That's a fact.
00:45:41.000 So, part of me gets bummed out when I see shit like that.
00:45:45.000 But part of me is like, look, they're going to fight eventually anyway.
00:45:48.000 So they fought a little here.
00:45:51.000 They're just being passionate.
00:45:52.000 Just get a little taste.
00:45:53.000 Get a little taste.
00:45:55.000 I don't know.
00:45:56.000 It's going to be a wild-ass fight, though.
00:45:57.000 When is that fight?
00:45:58.000 That's a good question.
00:46:01.000 I think it's September 27th in Vegas.
00:46:05.000 Is that it, or is it the weekend of the 27th?
00:46:08.000 Either way, it's on Donkey Kong, son.
00:46:12.000 It's going to be exciting.
00:46:14.000 But it's unfortunate, man.
00:46:16.000 It's unfortunate.
00:46:17.000 So as far as now, they didn't get in any trouble?
00:46:19.000 I don't know.
00:46:20.000 I mean, Dana's on vacation.
00:46:22.000 I mean, I read that they were going to get in trouble.
00:46:26.000 Yeah.
00:46:26.000 There's something in that contract, you know, that you can't do that shit.
00:46:30.000 Well, there's a thing that says there will be consequences.
00:46:36.000 Right.
00:46:36.000 That's the statement, the official statement.
00:46:38.000 There will be consequences.
00:46:39.000 Right.
00:46:40.000 It's almost scarier than saying what's going to happen.
00:46:44.000 We will contact you.
00:46:46.000 It's very vampire-like.
00:46:47.000 It will be consequences to your actions.
00:46:50.000 You don't get any of the headphones to wear during the fights.
00:46:52.000 Have you been watching The Strain?
00:46:54.000 You been watching The Strain?
00:46:55.000 The Guillermo del Toro show on FX? It's fucking great, man.
00:47:00.000 It's great.
00:47:00.000 Have you seen it?
00:47:01.000 No, I've been waiting until at least five or six air.
00:47:03.000 Yeah, there's four out now.
00:47:05.000 This is the fourth one.
00:47:06.000 Just aired on Sunday.
00:47:07.000 It's fucking fun.
00:47:08.000 Because the billboard with the thing going into the eye, I was like, I'm in.
00:47:12.000 I don't even know what this is, but I'm absolutely doing this.
00:47:15.000 I read the book, and I don't remember the worms from the book.
00:47:18.000 Maybe I just don't remember.
00:47:19.000 Maybe I have to go back and read it.
00:47:21.000 Again, I didn't remember that part, but I remember the book being really entertaining for like three-quarters of the way through.
00:47:26.000 Like really fun in the beginning, too.
00:47:28.000 It's a good story.
00:47:29.000 It's an interesting story.
00:47:31.000 And they're doing a great job with the miniseries.
00:47:33.000 It's really good, man.
00:47:35.000 It's like really ropes you in.
00:47:36.000 It's fun.
00:47:37.000 I need to try.
00:47:38.000 I just gave up on the leftovers.
00:47:39.000 Dude, I love horror movies and shows.
00:47:42.000 We need more of that shit.
00:47:44.000 More zombie shit.
00:47:46.000 More vampire shit.
00:47:49.000 It's fun.
00:47:50.000 Horror movies have taken a big dive.
00:47:53.000 I don't know.
00:47:54.000 If you go back to the 1950s, look at those black and white movies that were super popular back then.
00:47:58.000 There were so many horror movies, man.
00:48:01.000 Oh, yeah.
00:48:01.000 The Creature from the Black Lagoon.
00:48:03.000 Remember those?
00:48:04.000 That's a good one.
00:48:04.000 But now, like, now the demand is so much more for, like, there to be a real story instead of, like, this monster attacks a village and then a hot girl gets her clothes ripped off and you see her tits.
00:48:15.000 You're like, that was an amazing film!
00:48:16.000 Dude, we should do a mystery science theater type thing where we watch Creature from the Black Lagoon.
00:48:23.000 Everything.
00:48:24.000 First of all, it's so obvious they're in a swimming pool.
00:48:27.000 I mean, it's not a fucking lagoon at all.
00:48:30.000 It's like some backlot swimming pool.
00:48:33.000 Why is there cement there?
00:48:34.000 That's weird.
00:48:36.000 The creature was pretty dope for the time.
00:48:39.000 It was just a really cool scuba diving outfit, essentially.
00:48:44.000 And this weird, freaky, lizard-like scuba diving outfit, they put this guy in, and he would swim in the swimming pool and capture the group.
00:48:53.000 It's so great.
00:48:55.000 It's so bad.
00:48:56.000 It's so bad that it's awesome.
00:48:58.000 Like, it's so bad.
00:49:00.000 It's exciting when you watch it.
00:49:01.000 Here it is.
00:49:02.000 Out of the monk and mystery of a hundred million years ago, up from the depths of unknown waters, comes a creature to confound science.
00:49:21.000 And terrorize the world!
00:49:26.000 This is awesome!
00:49:31.000 This is awesome.
00:49:33.000 It just grabbed this guy by the head.
00:49:35.000 It was the worst acting job anybody's ever done, ever.
00:49:39.000 Look at this.
00:49:40.000 Shocking!
00:49:43.000 Perfected three-dimensional.
00:49:44.000 Ooh, it's 3D! I didn't even know it was 3D! Yeah, it was one of those where you got your glasses in the Sunday paper and they would play it on the TV. Remember that?
00:49:53.000 Wow, no.
00:49:53.000 That's cool.
00:49:55.000 I do remember that.
00:49:59.000 Even the music.
00:50:08.000 Starring Richard Carlson, friendly adventuring underwater in the depths of the mighty Amazon.
00:50:14.000 Lovely Julia Adams, her beauty allure even to the man-beast from the dawn of time.
00:50:21.000 With Richard Denning, whose scientific passion turned to the fury of revenge.
00:50:31.000 Wow!
00:50:33.000 This is incredible!
00:50:35.000 Look out!
00:50:35.000 That's so obvious!
00:50:36.000 That's a pool!
00:50:38.000 There's not a ripple in that water!
00:50:41.000 Look at it!
00:50:53.000 He just dives in the water with her!
00:50:57.000 Deep.
00:50:58.000 Deep.
00:50:58.000 Deep.
00:51:01.000 Into the waters of his domain.
00:51:03.000 This is hilarious.
00:51:04.000 He's just going to drown this chick.
00:51:05.000 I know.
00:51:05.000 She's dead already.
00:51:06.000 What's he doing?
00:51:07.000 Is he making out with her?
00:51:08.000 How does he keep her from drowning?
00:51:09.000 Great cave.
00:51:12.000 Oh, does she have a scuba outfit?
00:51:14.000 Amazing in three dimension.
00:51:17.000 Creature from the Black Lagoon.
00:51:20.000 They should do a remake of this one.
00:51:22.000 Some monster in a creek grabs all these women and rapes them.
00:51:25.000 Yeah, you could come up with a better story, right?
00:51:27.000 You could just say it was some genetic experiment that escaped from some dude who was really rich in Florida from cocaine.
00:51:34.000 He hired a bunch of scientists to try to make lizard soldiers.
00:51:39.000 Right?
00:51:40.000 That could totally be a story.
00:51:42.000 They could do that.
00:51:43.000 Creature from the black...
00:51:44.000 And it'd be in Miami.
00:51:45.000 Fucking people up in Miami.
00:51:46.000 Oh, yeah.
00:51:47.000 Because you need the hot girls to kill.
00:51:49.000 Yeah.
00:51:49.000 They're always swimming around.
00:51:51.000 Well, it needs at least them to run.
00:51:53.000 You don't have to kill them.
00:51:55.000 Yeah.
00:51:55.000 In very slow motion.
00:51:57.000 Yeah.
00:51:57.000 If they run, the titties are bouncing while they're being chased by a lizard man.
00:52:01.000 That's what you could count on with all those Jason movies, where you're like, in the first scene, he's going to be walking through some camp, and there's going to be a bunch of girls going like, nothing's going to happen.
00:52:11.000 Let's just take off all our clothes.
00:52:13.000 It's very hot.
00:52:16.000 Nipple to nipple.
00:52:17.000 Yeah.
00:52:18.000 Let's make out for warmth.
00:52:19.000 Yeah, that genre has kind of...
00:52:22.000 That genre has kind of gone away a bit, right?
00:52:27.000 Has it?
00:52:28.000 I mean, those were big movies.
00:52:29.000 Oh, I know.
00:52:30.000 Halloween.
00:52:31.000 Yeah.
00:52:32.000 Friday the 13th.
00:52:33.000 All those movies.
00:52:33.000 Those were big movies, man.
00:52:35.000 Like, you get fired up.
00:52:36.000 Friday the 13th.
00:52:36.000 Freddy Krueger.
00:52:37.000 Even when they were bad, they were good.
00:52:39.000 Yeah.
00:52:40.000 If you could ensure that a couple girls would be having a pillow fight, and a tit would pop out, and then an axe murderer shows up, Yeah.
00:52:48.000 You're talking about that for two months with your friends if you're a teenager.
00:52:51.000 Yeah.
00:52:52.000 Especially if it's like Jason because he's undead or whatever he is.
00:52:55.000 Nobody knows what he is.
00:52:56.000 Yeah.
00:52:57.000 He was killed and then came back somehow.
00:52:58.000 Yeah.
00:52:59.000 They fucking run him over.
00:53:00.000 They shoot him.
00:53:01.000 He rises and somehow or another finds a way to get you.
00:53:04.000 And it didn't even matter back then.
00:53:05.000 Like, well, we have to explain to the viewers how he came back.
00:53:08.000 They're like, well, that's what those four pairs of tits are for.
00:53:11.000 Yeah.
00:53:11.000 Because immediately they'll forget.
00:53:13.000 Yeah.
00:53:13.000 Then he just goes on a rampage for two hours.
00:53:15.000 It was a different world back then.
00:53:17.000 Scream movies were good, I thought.
00:53:20.000 Scream?
00:53:20.000 Yeah.
00:53:21.000 Those were good, yeah.
00:53:22.000 Those were fun.
00:53:22.000 It took a lot from that old school kind of horror slasher film thing.
00:53:27.000 Yeah, what bums me out is the lack of monster movies.
00:53:30.000 That's what bums me out.
00:53:31.000 Whenever a good monster movie comes out, I get super excited.
00:53:34.000 This is going to be fun.
00:53:36.000 But there's so few...
00:53:38.000 There's so few.
00:53:38.000 Like, Godzilla.
00:53:40.000 It was alright.
00:53:41.000 You know, it was fun.
00:53:42.000 It was really well done.
00:53:44.000 Like, the Godzilla itself was amazing.
00:53:46.000 But there's just one motherfucker, the main dude, who survives more close calls in this goddamn movie than anybody in the history of monster movies.
00:53:56.000 I mean, it's so ridiculous.
00:53:57.000 Like, everywhere he is, everybody dies and he escapes, and everybody dies and he escapes, and everybody dies and he escapes.
00:54:02.000 Like, fuck, man!
00:54:03.000 You know, by the time the movie's over, by the end of the movie, like, you've used up all your get-out-of-jail-free cards, dude.
00:54:09.000 Yeah.
00:54:10.000 You're just officially ridiculous.
00:54:12.000 Like, he's the guy that lands in between the paws when he goes, boom!
00:54:15.000 And he's like, oh, that was a close one.
00:54:17.000 Ha!
00:54:17.000 The tail slams down.
00:54:19.000 He's like, God, I was like four feet away.
00:54:20.000 Thank God.
00:54:21.000 Exactly.
00:54:22.000 I mean, it's just, there's so many cut-the-shit scenes.
00:54:26.000 But what they can do now, as far as the special effects, it makes it worth it.
00:54:30.000 It makes it worth seeing.
00:54:31.000 Because even if the story's goofy as shit, the monsters are insane.
00:54:37.000 Like, the way Godzilla looks now, holy fuck.
00:54:41.000 Did you watch it and didn't like it?
00:54:42.000 Was that you?
00:54:43.000 I never saw it.
00:54:44.000 Or Ari?
00:54:44.000 Ari was like, he hated it.
00:54:46.000 Of course he did.
00:54:47.000 He's like, oh, totally don't watch that movie, ever.
00:54:49.000 I'm like, what's wrong?
00:54:50.000 And he just had all these problems with the storyline.
00:54:51.000 I'm like, Ari, it's a giant lizard destroying Japan or whatever.
00:54:58.000 It might be a god.
00:54:59.000 Yeah.
00:55:00.000 They always do that in these movies.
00:55:01.000 It might be a god.
00:55:04.000 They might be gods.
00:55:06.000 What was the one with the giant robot warrior ones that came out?
00:55:10.000 Oh, Transformers?
00:55:11.000 No, no, it was Pacific Rim.
00:55:15.000 I like that one.
00:55:16.000 Did you really?
00:55:17.000 Because it was just giant robots going at it.
00:55:19.000 It was like watching a video game.
00:55:21.000 Yeah, it was cool.
00:55:23.000 That part was cool, but the human parts were horrible.
00:55:27.000 It really felt like I was watching someone took a comic book and just didn't do any rewrites at all and just slapped it together.
00:55:36.000 It was very comic book-like, which I think in some cases is fine, but the comic books that they're doing now, comic book movies, they do so well.
00:55:44.000 Captain America, it's a silly story, but they do a really good job.
00:55:51.000 These movies are fun to watch.
00:55:52.000 They do a great job.
00:55:53.000 So if you go back to really clunky stuff like that, like the Pacific thing, it was too clunky for me.
00:56:02.000 Does that make sense?
00:56:03.000 Yeah, story-wise.
00:56:05.000 Yeah.
00:56:05.000 Yeah, that I didn't even...
00:56:07.000 I was like, I want to go watch a movie and turn my brain off.
00:56:09.000 And I'm like, what better thing than watch 200-foot-tall robots destroy each other?
00:56:14.000 But there was a scene where this guy and a girl were in love with each other or something.
00:56:17.000 And I was like, what am I watching here?
00:56:19.000 Yeah, that's where you're like, oh, bathroom time.
00:56:21.000 Or cigarette or something.
00:56:22.000 What is this robot fight thing?
00:56:25.000 What are you guys doing?
00:56:26.000 What's happening here?
00:56:26.000 Where's the monsters?
00:56:27.000 Show me some monsters, bitch.
00:56:30.000 I hated the acting.
00:56:31.000 I couldn't even watch it.
00:56:34.000 Yeah, but it seems like it was a choice, though.
00:56:36.000 It seemed very comic book-like, right?
00:56:38.000 Didn't it?
00:56:39.000 Almost like they were going for a certain feel.
00:56:43.000 Yeah, it had that comic book video game feel.
00:56:46.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:56:47.000 I don't even remember who was in it.
00:56:48.000 No.
00:56:49.000 The human beings that were in it.
00:56:51.000 Yeah, I remember I got really mad when I finally watched that movie because everyone told me it was good.
00:56:56.000 That fucking Tom Cruise movie is good.
00:56:58.000 The latest one?
00:57:00.000 Yeah, Edge of Tomorrow.
00:57:01.000 What's that one about?
00:57:02.000 It's a science fiction movie.
00:57:03.000 It's really good, man.
00:57:05.000 It's really good.
00:57:06.000 I mean, I said it's really good.
00:57:08.000 A bunch of people criticize me online.
00:57:10.000 How dare you?
00:57:11.000 But I think that those people, your taste of the movie sucks.
00:57:14.000 Listen, man, it's just my taste, okay?
00:57:16.000 You can't say it sucks.
00:57:18.000 We like different things.
00:57:20.000 But I understand if you think the movie sucks to you, but to me, I thought it was excellent.
00:57:25.000 And if it wasn't Tom Cruise, I think if it was some other dude that didn't carry a lot of baggage, I think it would probably have been rated a lot higher than it was.
00:57:32.000 I think one of the reasons why people are like, oh, that movie wasn't that good, I really think it's because it's a Tom Cruise movie.
00:57:38.000 I think, like, Tom Cruise's movies, people think they're good, they're pretty good, that's pretty good.
00:57:44.000 But if it was, like, another actor in the same role, like, it wouldn't be judged the same way, I think.
00:57:49.000 I think people just think that guy's so wacky.
00:57:51.000 Yeah, his reputation precedes anything else he can do from now on.
00:57:55.000 But he's so good.
00:57:58.000 He's a really good actor.
00:58:00.000 He's a really good actor.
00:58:00.000 Yeah.
00:58:00.000 He's fucking really good in this movie.
00:58:02.000 Like, you buy it.
00:58:03.000 Like, I don't want to give away the plot, but it's a pretty ridiculous plot.
00:58:08.000 And he sells it.
00:58:09.000 Like, the idea behind it is pretty crazy.
00:58:11.000 And he sells it.
00:58:12.000 It's a good fucking movie.
00:58:13.000 People forget, like, there's a reason he became the biggest movie star in the world.
00:58:18.000 Yeah.
00:58:18.000 It's cute.
00:58:19.000 He's got a cute face.
00:58:20.000 Yeah, he's talented.
00:58:23.000 He's talented as fuck.
00:58:24.000 He just happens to be insane.
00:58:25.000 Yeah.
00:58:26.000 I think that everybody who's really good at that gig is insane.
00:58:30.000 I think that's an insane person's hobby, or an insane person's profession.
00:58:34.000 Yeah.
00:58:34.000 They're really good ones.
00:58:35.000 I mean, you can contain your insanity, but...
00:58:38.000 That's like the difficult trick, it seems, for celebrities now, is to not let it out that they're crazy.
00:58:45.000 Because there's so many venues, you could just like, I'm going to tweet something, and people are like...
00:58:49.000 Did you know Shia LaBeouf is out of his mind?
00:58:53.000 Did you read all those tweets?
00:58:56.000 And it was, it's all been there.
00:58:57.000 Yeah.
00:58:58.000 We just didn't know.
00:58:59.000 Like, imagine if there were social media in the 50s.
00:59:02.000 Oh, good God.
00:59:03.000 Like the things Humphrey Bogart...
00:59:04.000 We'd be railing against, you know?
00:59:07.000 Yeah, right.
00:59:08.000 Like, Cary Grant's, like, homophobic.
00:59:09.000 I didn't know that.
00:59:10.000 Yeah, all the racist shit that would be said.
00:59:13.000 Yeah, all the DUIs that would be publicized.
00:59:15.000 All the, yeah.
00:59:17.000 Domestic abuse.
00:59:18.000 Like, who knows what those people were into back then?
00:59:20.000 What is that guy's name from the early 1900s?
00:59:24.000 Fatty Arbuckle.
00:59:25.000 Remember that whole story?
00:59:26.000 No.
00:59:27.000 Fatty Arbuckle, apparently, they put a bottle or a glass up a woman's vagina and it killed her.
00:59:35.000 Whoa.
00:59:36.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:59:37.000 Something happened.
00:59:38.000 Let me pull it up.
00:59:40.000 Fatty.
00:59:41.000 And he was acquitted, but he never worked again.
00:59:45.000 Wow.
00:59:46.000 What's that, Jamie?
00:59:47.000 It's up on the screen for you.
00:59:48.000 Fatty Arbuckle.
00:59:52.000 His name was Roscoe.
00:59:54.000 Roscoe Arbuckle.
00:59:57.000 Yeah.
01:00:01.000 He...
01:00:01.000 Oh my god.
01:00:02.000 Yeah.
01:00:03.000 The woman died four days later.
01:00:06.000 She'd fallen ill at a party and she died.
01:00:11.000 And he was accused by this woman's acquaintance of accidentally killing the woman.
01:00:20.000 And after the first two trials, which resulted in hung juries, Arbuckle was acquitted in the third trial and received a formal written apology from the jury.
01:00:31.000 Despite Arbuckle's acquittal, the scandal has mostly overshadowed his legacy as a pioneering comedian.
01:00:38.000 Following the trials, his films were banned and he was publicly ostracized.
01:00:43.000 Although the ban on his films was lifted within a year, Arbuckle only worked sparingly through the 1920s.
01:00:49.000 He later worked as a film director under the alias William Goodrich.
01:00:54.000 He was finally able to return to acting, making two short real comedies in 1932 for Warner Brothers.
01:00:59.000 He died in his sleep of a heart attack at the age of 46. Whoa.
01:01:05.000 Reportedly, on the same day, he signed a contract with Warner Brothers to make a feature film.
01:01:09.000 Ooh, that's scary shit.
01:01:12.000 It doesn't say here what he did.
01:01:15.000 Like, it doesn't get into graphic detail about it.
01:01:19.000 It just said she had fallen ill.
01:01:22.000 I don't know.
01:01:23.000 Yeah, I wonder if they...
01:01:25.000 How old is that story?
01:01:27.000 It's from 1921. Yeah, I guess they...
01:01:32.000 I doubt they printed stuff like that back then.
01:01:34.000 Yeah.
01:01:35.000 Like anything that alluded to sexual or whatever.
01:01:39.000 It's like, oh, she was ill.
01:01:40.000 They wouldn't even use the word pregnant.
01:01:42.000 They'd be like, expecting...
01:02:00.000 Whoa.
01:02:01.000 Hmm.
01:02:08.000 Yeah, imagine how many more of those stories about those old legends that were considered pristine stars, if there was a TMZ back then.
01:02:17.000 Yeah, there's a couple different versions.
01:02:20.000 This one website has one person's version, and then the Fatty Arbuckle version, they're two different versions of what exactly happened.
01:02:29.000 Either way, no boring on my friend.
01:02:33.000 That's fucked.
01:02:35.000 Yeah, how did we get on the subject of Fatty Arbuckle?
01:02:37.000 I didn't know.
01:02:38.000 Oh, it's because Tom Cruise is considered crazy.
01:02:41.000 Oh, yeah.
01:02:41.000 And we're like, they probably were a bunch of crazy.
01:02:43.000 There's always been crazy celebrities.
01:02:45.000 Yeah, that's why it was.
01:02:45.000 Yeah, there's always been crazy everything.
01:02:47.000 People are crazy.
01:02:48.000 It's just that people have done a really good job of hiding their crazy until they shut their doors.
01:02:53.000 Yeah.
01:02:53.000 They would get home, goodnight, take care, bye-bye, shut that door, and rah!
01:02:57.000 Put on a vinyl suit with a zipper.
01:03:00.000 Let's get to work.
01:03:02.000 Ball gagging plays.
01:03:05.000 Yeah.
01:03:06.000 Go down to their basement.
01:03:09.000 Fucking chain themselves up.
01:03:11.000 Yeah.
01:03:12.000 People are crazy.
01:03:13.000 We're starting to see it.
01:03:14.000 It's coming out more.
01:03:16.000 It's going to be great when people want to go back to privacy.
01:03:19.000 When they want to cherish their privacy.
01:03:23.000 It's not going to happen.
01:03:24.000 He'd have to go somewhere like the Big Island of Hawaii.
01:03:26.000 No internet.
01:03:28.000 There's no internet?
01:03:29.000 No, I mean, you would live there with no internet.
01:03:31.000 Oh, okay.
01:03:32.000 I mean, there is internet on the Big Island.
01:03:33.000 It's great.
01:03:34.000 But if you really wanted to...
01:03:36.000 First of all, think about the fact that there's internet on the Big Island of fucking Hawaii.
01:03:39.000 It takes five hours to get there on a plane, right?
01:03:43.000 You fly through the air for five hours, and someone laid fiber across the ocean floor that is that length.
01:03:51.000 I mean, that's how it works, right?
01:03:52.000 I think so.
01:03:53.000 I have no idea.
01:03:54.000 Isn't that how it works?
01:03:55.000 There has to be a direct line somewhere.
01:03:58.000 There's underwater lines.
01:03:59.000 There's underwater lines, son.
01:04:00.000 How?
01:04:01.000 Exactly.
01:04:02.000 How did they do that?
01:04:04.000 The Pacific Ocean.
01:04:05.000 So they're just like, we're tossing this in there, and let's hope a shark doesn't gnaw on it.
01:04:09.000 Okay, I'm going to Google, how do they get internet in Hawaii?
01:04:16.000 Call AOL. Dude, it's one of the first things that people ask.
01:04:21.000 Let's see what they say.
01:04:22.000 What?
01:04:41.000 10,000 miles, dude.
01:04:44.000 So there are, like, cables connecting all the continents.
01:04:47.000 Mm-hmm.
01:04:47.000 Yep.
01:04:48.000 That's how...
01:04:49.000 Whoa.
01:04:49.000 Yeah, that's crazy.
01:04:51.000 It's like, think about that.
01:04:53.000 Like, what part of that most people don't know.
01:04:56.000 Like, that part we don't know.
01:04:58.000 Like, most people are like, wait a minute, it's all a wire?
01:05:01.000 There's wires everywhere?
01:05:03.000 People don't think of that.
01:05:04.000 You don't think of that.
01:05:05.000 Like, you don't think there's, like, a wire that goes across the ocean to England, and that's how you're doing the internet with England?
01:05:10.000 You think it's, like, signals flying through the air.
01:05:11.000 Yeah.
01:05:12.000 The people building railroads were like, this is impressive.
01:05:15.000 Like, we linked this city to that one with all this steel.
01:05:18.000 Yeah.
01:05:19.000 And now it's like, there's a cable where I can just, like, pick up a thing.
01:05:22.000 And send a thing.
01:05:23.000 Yeah, and just type a thing.
01:05:24.000 And watch a video.
01:05:26.000 Yeah, screw you, train.
01:05:27.000 Takes two weeks.
01:05:28.000 That's why it gets really squirrely when people start talking about, like...
01:05:32.000 When you start talking about, like, videos that you can and can't watch in other countries, like, why can't I watch this in South Africa?
01:05:37.000 Like, why can't...
01:05:38.000 How come this is a...
01:05:39.000 It's because the pipe, like, they don't have agreement with various pipes.
01:05:42.000 Yeah.
01:05:43.000 I mean, that must be it, right?
01:05:45.000 Music licensing also, mostly, and things like that.
01:05:48.000 Yeah, music licensing, and I'm sure also, like, that there's certain places, like, they don't want to waste their bandwidth on a product that's not available in your country.
01:05:57.000 I'm surprised terrorists just haven't gone after these lines yet.
01:05:59.000 That seems like...
01:06:00.000 Shh!
01:06:01.000 Why are you giving them great ideas, bro?
01:06:04.000 Dude, you just gave it away.
01:06:04.000 Oh my god.
01:06:06.000 You're so bad for America.
01:06:08.000 Now Al-Qaeda's building a submarine to go down to the Pacific Trench.
01:06:11.000 It's not Al-Qaeda anymore.
01:06:12.000 It's ISIS. You gotta keep up on your bad guys.
01:06:14.000 That's right.
01:06:15.000 Didn't they change it from ISIS again?
01:06:16.000 I do not know.
01:06:17.000 Well, if they were smart, they would, since I know about it.
01:06:20.000 Right, yeah.
01:06:21.000 I would say once I know about your organization, it's no longer secret.
01:06:25.000 Yeah.
01:06:26.000 You know?
01:06:27.000 I made a mistake on the last episode I was on when I saw the video of an Israeli hitting a Palestinian kid.
01:06:36.000 Remember that?
01:06:37.000 When I was talking about the kid.
01:06:38.000 I guess there's just a lot of videos that they're just saying they're Israeli and they're not.
01:06:42.000 They're just trying, like, there's people on the team.
01:06:44.000 Yeah, that was a real video, but it was two other Arab kids.
01:06:49.000 Yeah, it wasn't Israeli.
01:06:51.000 So all these people, angry Jews got on my kid.
01:06:54.000 Well, we're sorry, angry Jews, you sweeties.
01:07:00.000 Angry Jews, sweeties.
01:07:02.000 But I think there's some sort of a ceasefire right now, right?
01:07:05.000 Isn't that the idea?
01:07:06.000 Mm-hmm.
01:07:07.000 Unless it's already ended.
01:07:09.000 Imagine if we were going to war with Mexico.
01:07:11.000 We better not.
01:07:12.000 But think about it.
01:07:13.000 That's essentially what's going on.
01:07:15.000 Where you look at where Israel is and you look at Gaza, we're going to war with Mexico.
01:07:22.000 That would be what it would be like.
01:07:24.000 Us going back and forth and rockets from Mexico flying into San Antonio and we're like, what the fuck?
01:07:29.000 That's real.
01:07:30.000 That's really what it would be like.
01:07:32.000 Yeah, like, they would, like, destroy a 7-Eleven in El Paso, and then we would just, like, bomb all of Mexico City for, like, three straight days.
01:07:40.000 But that's why the people in Israel, one of the things about people in Israel is those motherfuckers love to party.
01:07:46.000 Yeah.
01:07:47.000 I had a friend.
01:07:47.000 He was a kickboxing instructor.
01:07:49.000 I went over his house once for dinner.
01:07:51.000 And a dude was playing the bongos and his wife was dancing, his kids were dancing, and they were all cooking.
01:07:57.000 And I was like, wow, this is crazy.
01:07:59.000 And he's like, this is, you know, how we do it in Israel.
01:08:02.000 He goes, you never know, one day you die, you know?
01:08:06.000 So today, when will I? Party, party, party.
01:08:08.000 And he was like playing the bongo drums and all happy.
01:08:11.000 And I was like, wow, that's a perspective you only get when you've been involved in that sort of hellish existence.
01:08:20.000 I believe he was in the military for the Israeli army.
01:08:23.000 I think it's mandatory, actually, for everyone.
01:08:26.000 But, you know, he was an interesting guy.
01:08:31.000 But always, like, big smile on his face and very happy.
01:08:34.000 And that was his explanation.
01:08:36.000 I go, you know, how come you guys are always so happy?
01:08:39.000 When I meet someone who's that, like, exuberant, that was his explanation.
01:08:43.000 You never know.
01:08:44.000 You know, you're over there.
01:08:45.000 It's just like...
01:08:46.000 Death.
01:08:47.000 Bombing.
01:08:48.000 Something.
01:08:49.000 Always terrible.
01:08:50.000 You never know.
01:08:51.000 Everyone could die.
01:08:52.000 It shows you how different life with Israelis and Palestinians are.
01:08:57.000 There's no way the Palestinians are partying like that.
01:09:00.000 That's a good point.
01:09:01.000 You'd think they'd party twice as hard.
01:09:03.000 Yeah.
01:09:03.000 We're really living under at any moment.
01:09:06.000 Yeah.
01:09:09.000 Yeah.
01:09:09.000 That's a dark situation, man.
01:09:11.000 It really is.
01:09:12.000 It's very dark.
01:09:13.000 Like, I asked my parents.
01:09:15.000 They're from Lebanon, my parents.
01:09:16.000 So, like, they grew up in, around all that, you know?
01:09:19.000 They were, like, Christian, you know, so they just got out of there.
01:09:22.000 They're like, we need to get out of here.
01:09:23.000 But every time I'd ask them about it, they would just, like, I'm like, what do you think about what's going on in Israel and Gaza now, all this stuff?
01:09:29.000 And they just look at me like, what do you mean?
01:09:31.000 I'm like, what do you think's gonna happen?
01:09:32.000 And they're like, the same thing that's always gonna happen.
01:09:35.000 They're gonna keep fighting, and it's never gonna end.
01:09:38.000 Psh!
01:09:39.000 Like, they just look at it like it's not even worth talking about.
01:09:43.000 That's...
01:09:43.000 Yeah, it's really, like, dark and you're just like, good lord.
01:09:47.000 Like, they just got so used to it.
01:09:50.000 Like, growing up that, like, war is a thing.
01:09:53.000 Like, I went to Lebanon when I was 13. Like, to go back to the homeland kind of thing.
01:09:58.000 And, like, you're in the southern parts of the country.
01:10:01.000 And I'd never seen anything like this growing up in the suburbs of L.A. But, like, you're sitting in a village...
01:10:07.000 And then there's, like, a guy tending, like, cattle.
01:10:09.000 There's, like, goats.
01:10:10.000 And then five minutes later, a tank just drives through a dirt road in a village.
01:10:16.000 No one bats an eye.
01:10:18.000 No one...
01:10:19.000 But meanwhile, I'm, like, you know, just pointing.
01:10:22.000 I'm, like, that's a tank!
01:10:24.000 And they're, like, yeah, that happens, like, two, three times a day.
01:10:27.000 Like, Israeli tanks and Lebanese tanks.
01:10:30.000 And there's soldiers with fully automatic weapons walking through towns.
01:10:34.000 And that's just, like, a normal part of life.
01:10:37.000 Well, have you ever done a gig that's on a military town?
01:10:40.000 No.
01:10:41.000 Whenever you do, anytime you're on the road, if you're near Camp Pendleton or Fort Bragg or any of these military bases, if you have a gig anywhere nearby and you hang out there for a day, you're going to see military trucks.
01:10:55.000 You're going to see camoed up Jeeps and Humvees and all these different troops constantly moving back and forth, left and right.
01:11:02.000 If you're close to that, you see it all the time.
01:11:05.000 Yeah.
01:11:05.000 It's weird.
01:11:06.000 It's weird if you're not used to it.
01:11:07.000 You're like, wait a minute, wait a minute.
01:11:08.000 That's a killing machine.
01:11:09.000 Yeah.
01:11:10.000 That's what a tank is.
01:11:11.000 That's all it's good for.
01:11:12.000 That's what it was doing.
01:11:13.000 It was looking for trouble.
01:11:15.000 I mean, to find if there is any trouble.
01:11:17.000 Can you imagine if you saw that tank and then all of a sudden fucking alarms start going off and the shit starts flying and you're sitting there real close to this tank that's getting shot at?
01:11:26.000 That happened when we went to sleep in the village that night.
01:11:30.000 The night before we went back up to the city in Beirut.
01:11:34.000 And, like, my younger brother and I just heard these distant, like, noises, and we, like, asked my mom, like, what are those noises?
01:11:40.000 And she said, no, don't worry, it's nothing, don't worry about it.
01:11:42.000 And the next day we were like, so what were those noises?
01:11:45.000 Like, you wouldn't tell us.
01:11:46.000 And she's like, those were bombs going off, like, five miles away from us.
01:11:53.000 Whoa.
01:11:53.000 Yeah.
01:11:54.000 So it was, like, terrorists bombing each other five miles away from us.
01:12:03.000 Yo.
01:12:04.000 And you're a 13-year-old kid, and you're like, I grew up in a suburb of LA where it couldn't be safer.
01:12:15.000 Six cops will pull you over for smoking a cigarette.
01:12:18.000 And five miles away, it's like people are destroying each other.
01:12:22.000 Wow.
01:12:23.000 It really helped shape my perspective of what it's like to live in America and grow up in America.
01:12:28.000 Because that could have been me.
01:12:30.000 I could have lived there.
01:12:32.000 And maybe, who knows, if I would have gotten to age 30, 31, 32, you know?
01:12:36.000 Yeah.
01:12:37.000 That's absolutely true.
01:12:39.000 We're all stupid lucky that we landed on this spot.
01:12:43.000 Because you could have landed anywhere.
01:12:45.000 You could be in the Congo right now going, oh...
01:12:48.000 Well, how do I get out of this?
01:12:49.000 How do I get rid of this Ebola?
01:12:52.000 Does it come to the armpit?
01:12:53.000 Is that where it hits?
01:12:54.000 Yeah, they get the big, like, big buboes, or what they call them.
01:12:58.000 Like the bubonic plague.
01:12:59.000 That's where that term comes from.
01:13:00.000 They get these, like, giant...
01:13:01.000 Oh, it's like blood or something like that?
01:13:03.000 Like your skin?
01:13:04.000 Yeah, your lymph nodes or your glyphates swell up.
01:13:09.000 That some people have read that are immune to it.
01:13:12.000 Me.
01:13:14.000 Immune to everything, bro.
01:13:15.000 Hemp powder, bro.
01:13:16.000 You can't fuck me, bro.
01:13:17.000 There's like tribal guys that like it goes through so much that like the bubonic plague of all these things, they get it and then nothing happens.
01:13:26.000 Wow.
01:13:27.000 That's cool genetics, but you have to be a tribal guy.
01:13:31.000 Right.
01:13:31.000 Probably just get a little bit of Ebola every day and develop an immunity to it.
01:13:38.000 I think it's a hemorrhagic virus, right?
01:13:40.000 I think it's one of those ones that makes you bleed.
01:13:45.000 Is it the same one that liquefies your insides?
01:13:48.000 Something bad like that.
01:13:50.000 Yeah, that's what I heard liquefied.
01:13:51.000 Not good.
01:13:52.000 And they just sent someone to America, right?
01:13:56.000 Two people to Atlanta.
01:13:59.000 Yeah, it's a hemorrhagic fever.
01:14:01.000 It's a human disease caused by the Ebola virus.
01:14:04.000 Symptoms typically start two to three weeks after two days to three weeks after contracting the virus with a fever, sore throat, muscle pains, and headaches.
01:14:12.000 Typically, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea follow along with the decreased functioning of the liver and kidneys.
01:14:19.000 At this point, some people begin to have bleeding problems.
01:14:22.000 The virus may be acquired upon contact with blood or bodily fluids of an infected animal, commonly monkeys or fruit bats.
01:14:29.000 So, somebody fucked a bat or a monkey.
01:14:31.000 And that's how we got Ebola, most likely.
01:14:34.000 Somebody got super crazy and fucked a monkey or a bat.
01:14:37.000 It's unnaturally transmitted through the air.
01:14:40.000 Fruit bats are believed to carry and spread the virus without being affected.
01:14:44.000 Once human infection occurs, the disease may spread between people as well.
01:14:48.000 Male survivors may be able to transmit the disease via semen.
01:14:52.000 Ugh!
01:14:55.000 Wow.
01:15:08.000 This is deep shit, man.
01:15:10.000 No specific treatment for the disease.
01:15:13.000 Efforts to help persons who are infected include giving them either oral rehydration therapy, slightly salty water to drink, or intravenous fluids.
01:15:25.000 The disease has a high mortality rate, often killing between 50 and 90% of those infected.
01:15:31.000 Whoa.
01:15:32.000 Whoa.
01:15:33.000 It was first identified in Sudan and the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
01:15:39.000 The disease typically occurs in outbreaks in tropical regions of the sub-Saharan Africa.
01:15:44.000 It's always Africa, bro.
01:15:46.000 Yeah.
01:15:47.000 It's always Africa.
01:15:48.000 That's where whatever gets us is gonna get out of Africa.
01:15:51.000 You know, when I did that sci-fi show, that was the scariest part, was the dealing with the infectious diseases, by far.
01:15:58.000 Where I asked people about diseases, like, what we really have to worry about.
01:16:02.000 The scariest thing they were saying wasn't terrorism.
01:16:04.000 It was just a disease that morphs.
01:16:07.000 Just something that becomes, like, super potent and kills a ton of people.
01:16:11.000 Something like, they had that Spanish flu that killed a bunch of people in the early 1900s.
01:16:17.000 Yeah, in the 1920s or whatever, yeah.
01:16:19.000 Apparently it started on a military base.
01:16:21.000 Cue the conspiracy theories.
01:16:23.000 But the thing that was really deadly about it was that it would go after young, healthy men.
01:16:31.000 People with strong immune systems.
01:16:33.000 It would shut down their immune system.
01:16:34.000 It would kill them quick, which is really strange.
01:16:39.000 It was almost designed to take out healthy people.
01:16:43.000 Yeah, because normally a flu is, it's like children and old people.
01:16:46.000 Yeah.
01:16:47.000 Yeah, babies and old people have to worry about it.
01:16:50.000 But most young people survive.
01:16:52.000 But that's, you know, it's a creepy thought that at any time something could happen and some...
01:16:59.000 Virus could morph and turn it into some new thing that we don't know how to deal with.
01:17:03.000 Yeah.
01:17:04.000 Someone sneezing on you at an airport could wipe out 5% of human civilization.
01:17:09.000 Yeah.
01:17:09.000 Think about this Ebola.
01:17:11.000 90% of the people die.
01:17:13.000 Okay?
01:17:14.000 If that's the high number.
01:17:15.000 What if everyone got Ebola?
01:17:17.000 Just think of that.
01:17:18.000 If one person get Ebola, what's to say that everyone can't get Ebola?
01:17:21.000 Well, because there are specific protocols in place.
01:17:24.000 Stop that from...
01:17:24.000 Yes.
01:17:25.000 Most likely, I'm just being crazy.
01:17:29.000 Most likely, most people are not going to get Ebola.
01:17:31.000 But if they did, what we're saying is at least half would die.
01:17:34.000 Yeah.
01:17:35.000 That's some catastrophic shit.
01:17:38.000 It's like with the way the world's interconnected, it's like that could, like TSA doesn't check for Ebola.
01:17:44.000 Like it could get through an airport, and the next thing you know, boom.
01:17:48.000 Well, listen to what that just said, that it doesn't necessarily, the symptoms don't show up that quickly.
01:17:53.000 Two days to three weeks.
01:17:57.000 Three weeks is a long time.
01:17:58.000 You contract a virus and then you have that virus for three weeks and you don't know.
01:18:03.000 If you travel a lot.
01:18:05.000 Traveling, licking your hand and touching things everywhere.
01:18:07.000 Yeah.
01:18:08.000 High-fiving people.
01:18:09.000 Uh-huh.
01:18:10.000 Yeah.
01:18:11.000 You could spread that shit for sure.
01:18:13.000 Coughing on a subway.
01:18:15.000 Like, there's so many...
01:18:17.000 The more you think about it, you're like...
01:18:18.000 Spits on their hand and gives you a handjob?
01:18:20.000 Right?
01:18:22.000 That's how you got Ebola?
01:18:23.000 You're like, God damn, really?
01:18:25.000 I'm at the hottest shit.
01:18:28.000 Her eyes were really red.
01:18:29.000 She was probably just high.
01:18:31.000 But now I feel like I have a temperature.
01:18:34.000 She was so hot, she gave me a temperature.
01:18:36.000 I think she gave me something.
01:18:38.000 Just go to Planned Parenthood.
01:18:39.000 They'll figure it out.
01:18:41.000 Planned Parenthood.
01:18:41.000 So what do I have, Doc?
01:18:42.000 Check for Ebola.
01:18:43.000 Have you been getting hand jobs from African chicks?
01:18:47.000 Yeah.
01:18:49.000 African chicks.
01:18:49.000 It looks like you have, we need you to leave immediately.
01:18:51.000 That's what you have.
01:18:52.000 Yeah, so the woman, the second patient, you know, there was two patients that flew into America, apparently.
01:19:02.000 Weak but improving.
01:19:04.000 The second American Ebola patient to arrive in the U.S. soil was wheeled into an Atlanta hospital Tuesday by workers in biohazard suits.
01:19:11.000 You should see the picture, man.
01:19:12.000 It's freaky.
01:19:14.000 The picture is them wheeling her into...
01:19:17.000 It's dark, dude.
01:19:18.000 Pull that picture up.
01:19:19.000 Pull this picture up.
01:19:22.000 Yeah.
01:19:23.000 There was somebody that...
01:19:24.000 They had a video where they showed this news guy that was hiding in a bush taking video or photos of this, and he wasn't wearing a suit, though.
01:19:32.000 And it was just like, oh, he's feet away from this person, not wearing a suit.
01:19:36.000 This is how it happens.
01:19:37.000 This dumb...
01:19:38.000 Oh, yeah, that would be like a plot in that old episode of The Incredible Hulk.
01:19:46.000 Right?
01:19:47.000 That would be how the guy gets the super disease.
01:19:49.000 I'm just trying to do my job, man.
01:19:51.000 I'm a reporter.
01:19:52.000 Look at that.
01:19:53.000 It's so weird.
01:19:54.000 Looking at them taking that gurney and pushing it in their spacesuits.
01:20:00.000 That's madness.
01:20:02.000 It's like E.T. Ooh, that's so scary.
01:20:05.000 Dude, that's so scary.
01:20:07.000 I wonder if it's like 90% though if it happened in developed nations with like hospitals and shit.
01:20:14.000 I don't know, man.
01:20:16.000 Because in tribes, like, in Africa, I'm sure when people get it, they're like, oh, the disease is back.
01:20:21.000 Like, what do we do?
01:20:22.000 Like, we'll just, you know, start a fire and, like, chant to the gods and, like, hope that it goes away.
01:20:27.000 More than 1,400 Ebola cases have been confirmed in the worst-known outbreak of the disease, and more than 800 people have died.
01:20:36.000 Most of these cases have been the countries of Guinea, Liberia, and Sierra Leone.
01:20:43.000 The experimental drug or anything else about the infections ultimately leads to an Ebola cure.
01:20:49.000 That would be incredible, this doctor is saying.
01:20:51.000 This is dark shit, dude.
01:20:53.000 I didn't know that this was the worst outbreak of Ebola ever.
01:20:57.000 Did you know that?
01:20:58.000 No.
01:20:59.000 Yeah.
01:21:01.000 Wow.
01:21:02.000 And in countries like that, too, they're like, well, what next?
01:21:06.000 I know, right?
01:21:08.000 Like, what could be worse?
01:21:10.000 Both aid workers received doses of an experimental Ebola drug derived in part from tobacco plants and never before tested on humans before they left Liberia.
01:21:20.000 Brantley got an additional dose at Emory.
01:21:24.000 Wow.
01:21:26.000 Whew.
01:21:28.000 Man.
01:21:29.000 That's scary shit.
01:21:31.000 Yeah, it's pretty crazy.
01:21:32.000 You know, whenever there's a movie like that World War Z or any of those movies, like, it's always the same beginning.
01:21:40.000 And it's a beginning just like this.
01:21:43.000 Yeah.
01:21:43.000 Like, you're reading a story and you're like, do you think this sounds really bad?
01:21:48.000 And then one of us would be like, nah, it's nothing.
01:21:51.000 It's nothing to worry about.
01:21:52.000 They got it out of control.
01:21:53.000 That's what they do.
01:21:53.000 These guys are great at it.
01:21:54.000 That's what they do.
01:21:55.000 That's why there's a CDC, guys.
01:21:57.000 Anyway, I'm headed to the airport to get on a flight.
01:21:59.000 Exactly.
01:22:00.000 And he's the guy who lands and he's itchy and his fucking eyes are bleeding.
01:22:04.000 What's going on, man?
01:22:05.000 Nothing.
01:22:06.000 I'll be fine.
01:22:06.000 I gotta go home and hug my wife and children.
01:22:08.000 Hey, we really should take a look at you.
01:22:10.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:22:11.000 I'm fine.
01:22:12.000 I'm fine.
01:22:13.000 Thank you.
01:22:15.000 Now I'm going to go to the sporting event.
01:22:17.000 Yeah.
01:22:18.000 I've got front row tickets to the Lakers game and I'm not gonna miss it.
01:22:22.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:22:23.000 And he goes there and the Lakers win and you see him high-fiving everybody.
01:22:27.000 Sweating.
01:22:28.000 Yeah.
01:22:29.000 He's doing blow in the bathroom.
01:22:31.000 I feel like shit.
01:22:32.000 He does a couple of bumps and he's high-fiving everybody.
01:22:35.000 Sharing needles.
01:22:38.000 Just spreading Ebola.
01:22:39.000 I've never done heroin, but I'll try it today.
01:22:41.000 Fuck it, bro.
01:22:43.000 YOLO. He's doing heroin.
01:22:47.000 YOLO. Yeah.
01:22:49.000 Man, it could happen.
01:22:51.000 There's a lot of selfish fucking people, too.
01:22:53.000 Oh, yeah.
01:22:54.000 There's a lot of people that, you know, if they get HIV, they don't tell people.
01:22:57.000 That's a big one, man.
01:22:58.000 That's a big one.
01:22:59.000 John Holmes.
01:23:00.000 Yeah.
01:23:01.000 I think I did it.
01:23:02.000 Yeah, I mean, it's a weird thing.
01:23:07.000 If someone caught the zombie disease and they knew they had the zombie disease, but they knew that it didn't show up for a couple weeks, but they could transmit it to people, would they still fuck?
01:23:16.000 I say they would.
01:23:17.000 They probably would.
01:23:18.000 Be on my side.
01:23:19.000 I don't want to be the only one with the zombie.
01:23:23.000 A dude was drinking in a seedy hotel room and he ordered up a stripper and he knew he had the zombie disease.
01:23:28.000 I could totally see this.
01:23:31.000 The zombie disease fucking spread.
01:23:33.000 That's all you'd have to do, right?
01:23:34.000 They find a way to rationalize.
01:23:36.000 Well, everyone's going to get it anyway.
01:23:38.000 Exactly.
01:23:38.000 And she asked me if I had chlamydia or gonorrhea.
01:23:41.000 I didn't lie.
01:23:42.000 I said I didn't have that.
01:23:45.000 Everybody was going to get it, bro.
01:23:46.000 The sooner you accept that, the quicker you get some of the sweet, sweet pussy.
01:23:50.000 Yeah, no one ever asks, like, you don't have this zombie disease, do you?
01:23:54.000 What are you even talking about?
01:23:55.000 Yeah, that's crazy.
01:23:56.000 The what disease?
01:23:58.000 Yeah.
01:23:58.000 Are you fucking me?
01:24:00.000 Yeah, why would I have...
01:24:01.000 Seriously?
01:24:01.000 Come on.
01:24:03.000 Yeah.
01:24:05.000 Yeah, there could be something dark, man.
01:24:07.000 There could be some really crazy avian swine monkey flu that comes along that they just don't see coming.
01:24:14.000 Especially these hemorrhagic ones.
01:24:18.000 Those are terrifying.
01:24:19.000 Yeah.
01:24:20.000 We should take these two people that they flew to Atlanta and just, like, drop them off in North Korea and just let them walk around.
01:24:26.000 They need to study them and find out whether or not the drugs work on them, dummy.
01:24:30.000 You gotta, like, find out, like, how to fix these people.
01:24:33.000 Like...
01:24:34.000 When they put a lot of money into these things, like these kind of projects, like they have new drugs they're trying to test, if it works, the amount of money that they can make from it is giant.
01:24:45.000 So they're probably working really hard on developing some sort of a cure.
01:24:50.000 They had enough hope in it, they injected people with.
01:24:53.000 That's a good sign.
01:24:54.000 You know, it doesn't mean it's going to be effective, but it means they probably have done a lot of work with it already, and they're pretty sure it does something good.
01:25:01.000 They're not just taking wild guesses.
01:25:02.000 Let's just inject them with the first thing that comes to mind.
01:25:05.000 Tobacco!
01:25:05.000 Okay, let's do it.
01:25:06.000 Fuck it.
01:25:06.000 Tobacco.
01:25:07.000 You know, there must be some sort of a reason.
01:25:10.000 Drugmaker's stock falls after Big Pop.
01:25:15.000 Hmm.
01:25:17.000 Why is there no Ebola vaccine?
01:25:19.000 There is no cure for Ebola.
01:25:21.000 Dude, this is the beginning of a goddamn horror movie.
01:25:23.000 Because the people that have it don't have credit cards.
01:25:25.000 Like, why would you create a vaccine or a drug where people are like, we can pay you in goats.
01:25:32.000 We can.
01:25:33.000 It's true.
01:25:34.000 Here's an Adobe Hut.
01:25:36.000 Could you imagine if we found out, and I'm sure someone will suggest, it's black helicopters!
01:25:41.000 But someone will suggest that the reason why this Ebola outbreak has happened was because someone poisoned a bunch of people.
01:25:49.000 With Ebola!
01:25:49.000 It's been shown!
01:25:51.000 They injected Ebola into the drinking water of this tribe so that they could spread it.
01:25:56.000 The aid workers would bring it back home with them.
01:25:59.000 And then next thing you know, this pharmaceutical drug company is making trillions of dollars!
01:26:04.000 Yeah.
01:26:05.000 Right?
01:26:06.000 Someone's going to suggest that.
01:26:07.000 But it could just be Ebola, motherfucker, alright?
01:26:10.000 Yeah.
01:26:11.000 It could just be nature.
01:26:13.000 People escaped.
01:26:13.000 They weren't supposed to.
01:26:15.000 They quarantined people.
01:26:16.000 People got out.
01:26:17.000 It spread.
01:26:18.000 Lots of people died.
01:26:19.000 It could just be that, too.
01:26:20.000 And it's most likely just that.
01:26:22.000 But it's scary.
01:26:24.000 Scary as fuck.
01:26:25.000 It just shows you how easy it is for that shit to actually spread.
01:26:28.000 Everything doesn't have to be a conspiracy to be totally terrifying.
01:26:32.000 Just a disease like this is fucking totally terrifying.
01:26:35.000 It doesn't have to be manufactured by the government.
01:26:37.000 Everybody has this idea when one of these things happens.
01:26:40.000 It's one of the first things you start reading about.
01:26:42.000 These government instituted programs where they designed viruses that could not be fought off.
01:26:50.000 Six men in a dark smoky room.
01:26:53.000 Lower the world population.
01:26:55.000 They want to lower the world population to 500,000 worldwide.
01:26:59.000 How do you think they're going to do that?
01:27:01.000 Okay.
01:27:02.000 Yeah, you're like, I don't know, but why?
01:27:04.000 To pocket billions of dollars.
01:27:06.000 They will own everything.
01:27:08.000 Yeah.
01:27:08.000 500,000 hookers and them.
01:27:12.000 A nation.
01:27:13.000 That's being 500,000 people is not a lot.
01:27:17.000 That's what the, uh, isn't that what the Georgia Guidestones, doesn't it say something like that?
01:27:20.000 It says like 500 million worldwide.
01:27:23.000 You know the Georgia Guidestones?
01:27:25.000 What is that?
01:27:26.000 The Georgia Guidestones are these really tall pieces of stone that were carved in several different languages with guides for how to run a civilization.
01:27:38.000 Whoa, I've never heard of that.
01:27:39.000 Yeah.
01:27:40.000 Whoa.
01:27:40.000 Here, I'll pull it up because it's pretty interesting.
01:27:44.000 The Georgia Guidestones, the guy who made them, I'm not sure who that is, but he actually had some good guides.
01:27:55.000 As far as how to manage a civilization.
01:28:00.000 They're not perfect, but they're kind of interesting.
01:28:07.000 Maintain humanity under 500 million in perpetual balance with nature.
01:28:12.000 That's one.
01:28:13.000 Two, guide reproduction wisely.
01:28:16.000 Improving fitness and diversity.
01:28:19.000 Guide reproduction, meaning engineering reproduction.
01:28:25.000 Like eugenics.
01:28:26.000 Yeah.
01:28:27.000 I mean, what they're doing is, look, you could say that this is some sort of an evil plot, and it may be, but it also might be that they're just trying to look at it in what you would consider a cold and calculated manner.
01:28:38.000 But if you looked at it in a cold and calculating manner, I'm not telling you that anybody should do this, but if you did...
01:28:44.000 You would want to take the smartest females and breed them with the smartest males and the ones who had the most good habits, the ones who were the most fit, you would want them to be the ones that would be raising children more often.
01:28:58.000 It's just like what you would do if you were raising dogs.
01:29:00.000 That's an interesting one.
01:29:02.000 Yeah.
01:29:02.000 Obama is a Muslim.
01:29:04.000 Is that on the Georgia guys' terms?
01:29:05.000 It is now.
01:29:06.000 Wow, somebody spray-painted it.
01:29:08.000 That's so rude.
01:29:09.000 What else does it say here?
01:29:11.000 Unite humanity with a living new language.
01:29:14.000 Whoa.
01:29:17.000 That's interesting.
01:29:18.000 That's interesting.
01:29:21.000 It doesn't say like...
01:29:22.000 It's emojis.
01:29:23.000 Yeah, right?
01:29:24.000 A living new language.
01:29:26.000 That's interesting.
01:29:27.000 Like a language for all of humanity.
01:29:29.000 That would really help.
01:29:31.000 For sure.
01:29:32.000 Rule passion, faith, tradition, and all things with tempered reason.
01:29:38.000 Okay.
01:29:39.000 That's just common sense, right?
01:29:41.000 Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
01:29:45.000 That's kind of duh.
01:29:47.000 Yeah.
01:29:47.000 Right?
01:29:48.000 Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
01:29:54.000 Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
01:29:57.000 Fuck yes.
01:29:59.000 Balance personal rights with social duties.
01:30:02.000 Absolutely.
01:30:15.000 The only thing that's repeated twice in the entire thing.
01:30:20.000 Huh.
01:30:21.000 It's not a bad idea.
01:30:22.000 I mean, listen, you're going to need a lot more than that if you're on the run of fucking world.
01:30:25.000 Oh, I know.
01:30:26.000 But they're not bad.
01:30:27.000 There's only a couple of them that are kind of goofy.
01:30:29.000 There's nothing in there about how to lay fiber optic cables.
01:30:31.000 Across the fucking ocean.
01:30:33.000 Yeah.
01:30:33.000 Help us out here, Georgia Stone thing.
01:30:36.000 Where's the Georgia Stone thing at?
01:30:39.000 It's Georgia, I assume.
01:30:41.000 Let's find out.
01:30:44.000 Elbert County, Georgia.
01:30:46.000 A message clearly conveying a set of ten guidelines as inscribed on the structure in eight modern languages, and a shorter message is inscribed at the top of the structure in four ancient languages.
01:30:58.000 Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit, and Egyptian hieroglyphs.
01:31:02.000 Wow.
01:31:03.000 The structure is sometimes referred to as American Stonehenge.
01:31:06.000 Monument is 19 feet 3 inches tall, made from six granite slabs, weighing 237,746 pounds.
01:31:15.000 Why am I reading this?
01:31:16.000 Nobody cares.
01:31:17.000 The capstone lies at the top of the five slabs, which are astronomically aligned.
01:31:22.000 An additional stone tablet, which is set on the ground a short distance to the west of the structure, provides some notes on the history and the purpose of the guidestones.
01:31:30.000 In June of 1979, an unknown person or persons under the pseudonym R.C. Christian hired Elberton Granite Finishing Company to build the structure.
01:31:42.000 Wow.
01:31:42.000 In 2008, the stones were defaced with polyurethane paint, death to the New World Order, like all that shit that we saw.
01:31:51.000 Wired Magazine called the defacement the first serious act of vandalism in the Guidestones history.
01:31:56.000 I wonder if they cleaned that up.
01:31:59.000 Can they clean that shit up?
01:32:01.000 Yeah.
01:32:01.000 I mean, you can still slightly see it, but...
01:32:04.000 Oh, that's so annoying.
01:32:06.000 It is annoying.
01:32:06.000 Death to the New World Order.
01:32:08.000 Jesus Christ.
01:32:09.000 Some fucking kids.
01:32:11.000 Kids are crazy people.
01:32:13.000 Death to the New World Order.
01:32:15.000 Can you imagine if they said, okay, listen, man, we're going to give you a button that kills the New World Order.
01:32:21.000 Yeah.
01:32:21.000 Okay?
01:32:22.000 But before you hit that button, can you at least identify who you're killing?
01:32:26.000 What?
01:32:26.000 Yeah.
01:32:27.000 I mean, it's death to the New World Order.
01:32:29.000 What's the New World Order?
01:32:30.000 Is it the banks?
01:32:31.000 Or is it the politicians?
01:32:33.000 Is it everybody?
01:32:34.000 Yeah, it's really vague.
01:32:35.000 Right.
01:32:35.000 And if you kill them, what happens to everything?
01:32:38.000 Because if you go totally death to the New World Order, what are you going to do?
01:32:42.000 Are you going to run the banks?
01:32:43.000 Who's going to run the banks?
01:32:44.000 Is there a bank now?
01:32:46.000 How do I get credit?
01:32:48.000 How do I use my credit card?
01:32:50.000 Yeah, you can't just hit the button and then be like, I'm going to go get something to eat now.
01:32:54.000 Because your credit card won't work.
01:32:56.000 Yeah.
01:32:56.000 Like, it's over.
01:32:57.000 It's over, dude.
01:32:58.000 You've got to be careful.
01:32:59.000 You can't death to the New World Order.
01:33:01.000 Maybe enslave them and force them to work for us.
01:33:03.000 Enslave the New World Order and force them to work for us and fix this problem that they created.
01:33:07.000 Okay, I'll be with you.
01:33:08.000 I'm down with you on that.
01:33:10.000 Death to the New World Order.
01:33:11.000 At least can they just tell us how this thing is running before you kill them?
01:33:16.000 I'd start with accountability for the New World Order.
01:33:20.000 Explain yourselves.
01:33:22.000 Death.
01:33:22.000 Meanwhile, would you ride down on the Georgia Guidestones, you silly fuck?
01:33:26.000 The Georgia Guidestones are fascinating.
01:33:28.000 I think it's interesting that they don't know who the dude is.
01:33:30.000 Or unknown dudes or dudettes.
01:33:33.000 Yeah, especially since they commissioned, like, a place to do it.
01:33:36.000 Yeah.
01:33:36.000 Like, dude, don't tell anyone we were here.
01:33:39.000 Well, you could rock it that way in 1979, though.
01:33:41.000 You know?
01:33:42.000 1979, like, there's no DNA, there's no credit cards, there's no nothing.
01:33:47.000 A paper receipt with a carbon coffee that they gave you.
01:33:50.000 That was it.
01:33:51.000 That was the only record.
01:33:51.000 Yeah, people used to buy groceries with checks all the time.
01:33:56.000 You would see women at the cash register, and they would be reading, okay, what's that?
01:34:01.000 And they'd pay with a check.
01:34:03.000 That was super common.
01:34:05.000 Now it's rare.
01:34:06.000 When I see someone paying with a check, I get kind of excited.
01:34:08.000 Really?
01:34:09.000 Yeah, it's like a legacy thing.
01:34:11.000 Like, whoa, you're not going to see that much longer.
01:34:13.000 Yeah.
01:34:13.000 It's kind of cool.
01:34:15.000 Yeah, it's always old people.
01:34:16.000 Yeah.
01:34:17.000 Oh, yeah.
01:34:18.000 Or, you know, there's some housewives.
01:34:20.000 Sometimes people, they like to balance their checkbook like that.
01:34:23.000 That's how they make sure that they keep an accurate assessment of what's in there.
01:34:27.000 But now you can balance your checkbook.
01:34:28.000 You can look it up online.
01:34:30.000 Not balance it, but at least be aware.
01:34:32.000 You can do it pretty easily.
01:34:33.000 Find out what your balance is.
01:34:34.000 The craziest thing is you can send a check.
01:34:37.000 You can take a picture of a check and send it over the internet.
01:34:41.000 Yeah, deposit it using your phone.
01:34:43.000 Well, how about all these businesses now that have these phone apps that you put a thing on your phone, you swipe a credit card, and you can pay for a credit card with your phone.
01:34:52.000 Yeah.
01:34:53.000 A lot of businesses have those things now.
01:34:55.000 Square is the big one, right?
01:34:56.000 Yeah.
01:34:57.000 That changes merch.
01:34:58.000 You can go, oh, I now accept credit cards on my iPhone.
01:35:02.000 Do you have one of those?
01:35:03.000 Because you have an LLC, right?
01:35:04.000 For Death Squad.
01:35:05.000 So you have one of those you put on your phone?
01:35:07.000 Anyone can get one.
01:35:08.000 But do you have one?
01:35:09.000 Yeah.
01:35:09.000 So you have one for shows and shit when you sell t-shirts?
01:35:11.000 Yeah, I've never really done that.
01:35:12.000 Dude, why are you not doing that?
01:35:14.000 That sounds perfect.
01:35:15.000 Yeah.
01:35:16.000 That sounds cool as fuck.
01:35:17.000 You feel so independent.
01:35:19.000 Like, yeah, I'm my own business.
01:35:21.000 Yeah, I would...
01:35:22.000 Wait, are you saying there's a problem?
01:35:24.000 Do you not do it because there's, like, some issue?
01:35:26.000 No, I just...
01:35:26.000 It's just, you know, if you're selling a $10 poster, usually people have $10, you know, so it's not necessary, but if I... Somebody likes cash!
01:35:39.000 Yeah, I mean...
01:35:41.000 How about we fucking next subject, Yusuf?
01:35:44.000 Next subject!
01:35:46.000 But no, it works good.
01:35:47.000 I mean, my weed dealer sells it.
01:35:49.000 Hey, easy, bro.
01:35:50.000 You're fucking throwing him under the bus, too.
01:35:53.000 How dare you throw him under the bus?
01:35:56.000 No, it's cool.
01:35:57.000 A lot of small businesses, like mom and pop stores use that now.
01:36:02.000 Instead of having the big credit card machine, they just have an iPad sitting there that you just sign.
01:36:07.000 Yeah, it makes sense.
01:36:08.000 I went to a coffee place recently that you swipe your credit card and then you write on the screen.
01:36:15.000 Right.
01:36:15.000 You know, you write your thing on the screen.
01:36:16.000 What's really crazy is that there's like these little tablets and it's all this really complicated screen, high definition, touch screen, super accurate, but you're still like doing this thing with your fucking, you're putting your mark.
01:36:33.000 That's how you prove it's you.
01:36:34.000 That's so goofy.
01:36:36.000 It is goofy.
01:36:37.000 It's real weird that that's still the way we do it.
01:36:39.000 And it doesn't even matter anymore.
01:36:42.000 There's no need to go through that.
01:36:44.000 I did once, because I was looking at one of these sign-in things, I'm like, there's no way it matters.
01:36:49.000 And I wrote in the signature box, stolen card.
01:36:53.000 And I hit submit, and it totally worked.
01:36:57.000 Yeah, it's just they want to get a record of you making a mark on that paper.
01:37:02.000 You making a mark on that screen.
01:37:04.000 What do you think will happen, because they're going to stop teaching cursive in school?
01:37:08.000 Yeah.
01:37:09.000 And they're already starting to?
01:37:10.000 Thank God.
01:37:10.000 What's going to happen with signatures?
01:37:13.000 That's a good question.
01:37:14.000 That's a very good question.
01:37:16.000 How are we going to sign things?
01:37:20.000 Like, if you never learn cursive, are we going to all have, like, codes?
01:37:23.000 Do you think that the idea of signing things is ridiculous?
01:37:26.000 And isn't it kind of ridiculous?
01:37:28.000 The idea of signing things?
01:37:29.000 Like, you said!
01:37:30.000 You wrote it down!
01:37:32.000 We got it right here!
01:37:33.000 He said it!
01:37:34.000 Like the idea that you're bound to an agreement.
01:37:36.000 These wavy lines that you put on paper.
01:37:40.000 There's certain things that I think like business dealings, like say if you and I decided to build a house together, like Nick and Joe go into construction business and we decided to build, and we have a business and the business is 50-50 and we pay for the same amount for this and that and we get the same amount of profit and you got that all worked out.
01:38:00.000 That kind of makes sense to do that.
01:38:02.000 But there's a lot of things that you sign for, like cable agreements, you know, or cell phone contracts, or there's entanglements, business entanglements.
01:38:13.000 There's a contract to get a cell phone?
01:38:16.000 I have to have a contract?
01:38:18.000 Like, what is this?
01:38:19.000 What am I agreeing to?
01:38:21.000 I'm agreeing to...
01:38:22.000 This is ridiculous.
01:38:23.000 There's a whole documentary I watched on Netflix about terms and conditions and all the things that you sign away the second you...
01:38:32.000 Hey, you don't even look at them.
01:38:32.000 Yeah.
01:38:32.000 Who fucking reads that shit?
01:38:34.000 Nobody, and that's why they get away with putting all kinds of insane shit in there.
01:38:38.000 What's the documentary called?
01:38:39.000 It's called, like, We're Fucked or some shit.
01:38:42.000 It's something really terrible.
01:38:45.000 I think it's called, like, Terms and Conditions, Terms and Something.
01:38:48.000 It's on Netflix.
01:38:50.000 And it's pretty interesting that they go through all the different companies and which ones will sell your personal information because you've agreed.
01:38:59.000 The second you click yes on iTunes or you agree to Apple's the second you turn on your iPhone or something like that, they can store your information.
01:39:08.000 They can sell it if the government needs it.
01:39:12.000 They used to be like, we will not give out your information, and then they've changed the clause to, like, you know, unless...
01:39:18.000 Like, it'll be words like, unless certain things come up.
01:39:21.000 Like, well, what the fuck does that mean?
01:39:23.000 It'll just be anything?
01:39:24.000 Unless certain things come up.
01:39:26.000 They're so vague about it.
01:39:28.000 Like, you know, unless, like, shit goes down.
01:39:30.000 You're like, you can't say that!
01:39:31.000 Yeah, it's just...
01:39:32.000 What is that?
01:39:32.000 That South Park episode, Human Cinepad, where it's all about Apple's terms and conditions, and it ends up, like, having, like, you sign, you have to eat this guy's ass...
01:39:46.000 Oh, South Park's the best.
01:39:48.000 That's so great.
01:39:50.000 Nobody reads it.
01:39:52.000 I would love to know what the actual numbers of people who read the terms and conditions before they click on it.
01:39:57.000 Oh, it's got to be like half a percent.
01:40:00.000 If that, right?
01:40:02.000 Because it's so much.
01:40:03.000 That means half a percent is one person out of 200, right?
01:40:08.000 Isn't that what it means?
01:40:09.000 I think, well, yeah, right?
01:40:11.000 Yeah.
01:40:12.000 Yeah.
01:40:12.000 Yeah, 1% would be 1 out of 100, so half a percent is 1% out of 200. Yeah, yeah.
01:40:16.000 Right?
01:40:16.000 Does that make sense?
01:40:17.000 So, I don't believe that.
01:40:20.000 Do you think it's even less?
01:40:21.000 Yeah.
01:40:21.000 Yeah.
01:40:22.000 I think it's probably...
01:40:27.000 Not one percent, but like one-tenth of one percent.
01:40:30.000 I bet it's one out of a thousand.
01:40:33.000 That's what I bet.
01:40:34.000 Yeah, that makes more sense.
01:40:35.000 Yeah.
01:40:36.000 One out of a thousand actually reads the whole thing and goes, hmm, do I want to click on this?
01:40:41.000 Let me see.
01:40:42.000 Yeah.
01:40:42.000 Gets out his reading glasses, this fucking goddamn liberal president we have here trying to communize my country.
01:40:48.000 Yeah.
01:40:48.000 Yeah, that guy will read it.
01:40:50.000 And they tell you...
01:40:51.000 Black cell adopters.
01:40:53.000 They tell you in the documentary, if you've spent all the time reading every time a new terms and conditions comes up for all the different things that make you sign one, it would take years of your life.
01:41:04.000 You have to take days off of work to be like, dude, I just signed up for Netflix, Spotify, and I got a new iPhone, so I can't come into work today because I have to read 860 pages of legal jargon.
01:41:16.000 Yeah, it should be, at a certain point in time, it should be that your method of delivery is so woefully ineffective that it's illegal.
01:41:22.000 Like, in terms and conditions on that scale, if I could prove that my theory was correct, and then it's like one-half of one percent, or one-tenth of one percent, rather, that actually read that thing, those should be illegal.
01:41:34.000 Because you're making people sign things that they're just not reading.
01:41:36.000 You know they're not reading it!
01:41:38.000 You're, like, misleading.
01:41:39.000 You're intentionally making it more difficult.
01:41:41.000 They make everything so rock-solid in their favor, and even things that just shouldn't be that way.
01:41:48.000 There's certain agreements.
01:41:50.000 When you find out that anytime you cancel, anytime you want to change this, you're subject to fees, you're subject to that, and you find out things about your information, your history, they're selling your phone number or your email.
01:42:05.000 There's so many things that happen to people when you sign those little things away.
01:42:10.000 But we do it recklessly.
01:42:12.000 Yeah.
01:42:13.000 I don't ever think about it.
01:42:15.000 Have you ever had an app that you clicked yes on and started making tweets for you?
01:42:19.000 Yeah, especially on Android, there's a lot of sketchy things that you're installing so they can also track you.
01:42:27.000 Whoever made this app can track you.
01:42:29.000 Yeah, it's weird.
01:42:30.000 I had a guy, he made some app that tweeted for me something about a prize for an iPad.
01:42:39.000 You know?
01:42:40.000 And someone said, dude, you hawk in iPads?
01:42:43.000 And I was like, what are you talking about?
01:42:43.000 And then I went to my thing.
01:42:44.000 I was like, what the fuck is this?
01:42:46.000 And then I found out where it was from.
01:42:47.000 This guy, I guess I had, like, retweeted something from a website.
01:42:52.000 Like, sometimes when you retweet something, like, if you go to a website and you click on a story or something that you think is interesting, and you, there's like a tweet button.
01:43:01.000 But if you tweet it, like, sometimes you're agreeing to allow them to have access to your Twitter account.
01:43:07.000 Or at least used to be that way.
01:43:09.000 Well, a lot of those websites, that's how they steal your password also, because you go in there and it could be like, tweet this story, and it's just like you need to log in, and what it's doing, it's actually stealing your password and logging you in at the same time, so it looks like everything's going right, and then that's how a lot of people get phished for their passwords.
01:43:28.000 Yeah, I could only imagine.
01:43:30.000 But this dude somehow or another had like an app installed on my Twitter.
01:43:34.000 It was like, you know, those things that are attached to your Twitter?
01:43:37.000 You know, there's like Evernote, and you can tweet with Evernote, and there's a bunch of different ones.
01:43:41.000 Yeah.
01:43:42.000 This guy had like this installed on my computer.
01:43:44.000 I was like, what the fuck?
01:43:45.000 So I go to his website, his website is like, you know, his Twitter page has got like 100,000 fucking friends, or whatever it is, followers.
01:43:53.000 Like, how's he doing that?
01:43:55.000 Like, it's just scams all around.
01:43:57.000 Yeah, you automatically add him, probably.
01:44:00.000 Yeah.
01:44:00.000 Yeah, I do a search to find out what kind of traffic his website's getting.
01:44:04.000 Ridiculous traffic.
01:44:05.000 Because there's all this weasel work going on.
01:44:08.000 Sneaky people that force you into clicking on things or trick you into clicking on things.
01:44:12.000 Next thing you know, they're tweeting about iPad giveaways from your account.
01:44:16.000 You're like, what?
01:44:18.000 And then you find out that that's legal.
01:44:20.000 You actually clicked on a thing that said you're allowed to do that.
01:44:24.000 Mm-hmm.
01:44:26.000 Yeah, it's bizarre.
01:44:28.000 After watching that documentary, it made me want to just not sign up for a lot of websites where I'm like, do I really want that?
01:44:35.000 Do I need that?
01:44:36.000 Because I'm not going to read the terms and conditions.
01:44:38.000 Yeah.
01:44:38.000 Whoa, Brian Dunning sentenced to 15 months in prison.
01:44:42.000 Who is that?
01:44:43.000 Ooh.
01:44:44.000 Remember Brian?
01:44:45.000 Yeah.
01:44:47.000 Yeah, Brian Dunning was the guy.
01:44:48.000 I had him on my podcast, and we had a very contentious discussion.
01:44:55.000 Sad to hear.
01:44:56.000 And he...
01:44:59.000 He had an issue with, I believe it was Amazon, right?
01:45:04.000 eBay.
01:45:05.000 Yeah, and he had created some sort of an app, and if you use the app, it puts a cookie on your computer, like if you use it.
01:45:16.000 It puts a cookie on your computer, and then any time you go to eBay and make a purchase or do business, he would get a kickback.
01:45:25.000 And the way he described it and the way they described it is very different, so I don't know who's right or who's wrong.
01:45:30.000 But what they're accusing him of is you plant something on your, like it plants a cookie, and then even if you don't go to eBay through his website, it appears that you did.
01:45:41.000 So they have these eBay affiliates where, say, if nickyusef.com, if I went through that and then went to eBay and purchased something, you would get a little tiny piece of the action.
01:45:50.000 And over time, that counts for a lot.
01:45:53.000 And because these apps were popular, they counted for a lot, and he made a lot of money.
01:45:57.000 Five million.
01:45:58.000 Whoa.
01:45:58.000 Yeah, he made five million dollars off his app, and then they shut it down and arrested him.
01:46:04.000 And when we had him on the podcast, I do not think he's a bad guy, but there's something wrong with the way he thinks.
01:46:11.000 And when I say that, I say that with all respect and dignity, communicating about a fellow human being.
01:46:21.000 Like, I don't hate that guy.
01:46:22.000 He's silly and he said a bunch of crazy shit about me.
01:46:26.000 But I think there's something wrong with the way he thinks.
01:46:30.000 And I even communicated with him about that in private.
01:46:33.000 We had like a little email conversation.
01:46:35.000 He actually asked me about psychedelic drugs.
01:46:38.000 And he's curious about the mind-expanding aspects.
01:46:41.000 And we had a pretty intense conversation about it.
01:46:46.000 Because I think...
01:46:47.000 And I told him that.
01:46:48.000 I said, with all due respect, I think there's something wrong with the way you think.
01:46:51.000 Like, I don't know what it is, but I think it's like a mental illness.
01:46:54.000 His versions of reality and reality itself are so twisted.
01:46:58.000 Like there was a video that we watched of Tower 7 from September 11th falling.
01:47:03.000 Yeah.
01:47:04.000 And he was trying to convince us that it doesn't collapse into its base.
01:47:09.000 He was trying to convince us that only three quarters of the tower, the three quarters of the tower is still standing.
01:47:14.000 It was only the top quarter or whatever it was.
01:47:16.000 He had some weird numbers in his head.
01:47:17.000 I'm like, what are you talking about?
01:47:19.000 That thing gives out and falls into a pile.
01:47:22.000 Yeah.
01:47:22.000 Yeah.
01:47:23.000 Like, the reason why it's so high is because that's how much shit there is.
01:47:26.000 The whole thing's gone.
01:47:27.000 Like, the building disintegrated.
01:47:29.000 It's not a cartoon where it all just vanishes.
01:47:31.000 Yeah, it's all on top.
01:47:32.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:47:33.000 It's a for rent sign.
01:47:34.000 It's a stack of shit.
01:47:35.000 The reason why the stack is so high is because there was a lot of shit above it.
01:47:38.000 It fell.
01:47:39.000 Like, this is retarded.
01:47:40.000 Like, this is...
01:47:40.000 But he wouldn't let it go.
01:47:42.000 And when I was looking at him, when he wouldn't let it go, I was like, oh, there's something wrong in there.
01:47:46.000 Like there's a missing thing.
01:47:48.000 And then when he started talking about his life, it made way more sense because he was raised a very, very conservative Mormon.
01:47:55.000 Like his whole life, he was very religious.
01:47:58.000 And he's developed, his mind developed under this fundamentalist thinking that is super damaging to people.
01:48:07.000 And that sounds like an ignorant bigot, an anti-religious thing for me to say, but just listen to this for a second.
01:48:15.000 I have friends that grew up Mormon, and they, to this day, tell me that they're really gullible, and they worry about it.
01:48:22.000 They don't...
01:48:24.000 They don't know whether or not someone is trying to pull a fast one on them.
01:48:29.000 They don't know whether or not a yoga guru or a cult member could rope them in and suck them into things by telling them that they found the secret.
01:48:38.000 They have this weird need to believe irrational things.
01:48:41.000 This is from this woman who tells me herself.
01:48:43.000 It disturbs her.
01:48:44.000 She's like, I don't know what it is, but I have this weird...
01:48:48.000 I'm susceptible to trickery.
01:48:51.000 I was like, whoa, that is a weird admission.
01:48:53.000 And she was just like, as I've gotten older, and she's not dumb.
01:48:58.000 She's like, as I've gotten older and I've talked to my other friends, I'm like, well, what is it about me?
01:49:02.000 And she's like, because all my life, I thought that God had my back.
01:49:06.000 All my life, I thought that God has everything covered and everything's going to be fine.
01:49:11.000 Until over and over again, fucked up things would happen to her.
01:49:14.000 And she was forced to go, wait, what's going on here?
01:49:16.000 And then she would see...
01:49:17.000 The ridiculous hypocrisy of the church.
01:49:19.000 She looked into the religion deeper and then got to your 40s and is looking at her life going, fuck!
01:49:25.000 Yeah.
01:49:25.000 Like, what is this?
01:49:27.000 And why am I... That guy is like that.
01:49:30.000 He grew up super religious.
01:49:33.000 When you grew up super religious like that, especially if you don't have open-minded parents, there's a way I think that you could grow up with a sense of spirituality and still be very open-minded and Maybe scientifically inclined, but the reason why this guy is such a skeptic, he's going after things,
01:49:49.000 debunking things, showing, ha, this is all nonsense, ladies and gentlemen.
01:49:54.000 Have you ever seen his video on fracking?
01:49:57.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:49:59.000 That's the perfect example.
01:50:01.000 There's like a no-nonsense voice that people use.
01:50:04.000 And it's like there's a tone.
01:50:06.000 There's like a very condescending way of communicating their ideas.
01:50:11.000 It's the no-nonsense guy.
01:50:13.000 And there's a lot of things that are misunderstood about hydraulic fracturing, otherwise known as fracking.
01:50:21.000 Have you ever seen it?
01:50:21.000 Pull that video up.
01:50:22.000 Yeah.
01:50:22.000 I believed it back in the day when I first saw it.
01:50:25.000 What'd you believe?
01:50:26.000 That fracking was real.
01:50:28.000 What do you mean?
01:50:28.000 Or, I mean, not fracking.
01:50:29.000 I'm sorry, never mind.
01:50:31.000 I believed it.
01:50:32.000 Fracking's totally real.
01:50:33.000 They make a lot of money off of fracking, son.
01:50:36.000 What were you talking about?
01:50:38.000 This little...
01:50:39.000 Things in the cameras.
01:50:41.000 I was thinking of that.
01:50:42.000 Things in the cameras?
01:50:43.000 Remember the lines?
01:50:44.000 Oh, you're talking about the rods?
01:50:46.000 Rods.
01:50:47.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:50:48.000 No, that's totally different.
01:50:49.000 That guy's mad at me.
01:50:51.000 That rod guy.
01:50:52.000 The rod guy?
01:50:53.000 They've clowned him on that MonsterQuest show.
01:50:56.000 Do you know what the rods are?
01:50:58.000 No, no.
01:51:00.000 There's a visual artifact that comes when bugs fly across the screen.
01:51:05.000 Bugs move really fast, and if you don't have a super high-speed camera, it can't capture the bug, so it elongates the shape of the bug, because it's this little tiny thing moving quickly, and it looks like a translucent tube that's moving through the air.
01:51:17.000 Yeah.
01:51:17.000 And it's just a video artifact of video cameras trying to capture high-speed bugs.
01:51:21.000 Yeah.
01:51:21.000 And this guy made all these documentaries about these things flying in the air, man.
01:51:25.000 And you can only see them on camera.
01:51:26.000 They move too fast with the human eye.
01:51:28.000 Which doesn't make any sense.
01:51:29.000 Because if I can see them on the camera, like the video, that's not too fast with the human eye.
01:51:33.000 Yeah.
01:51:33.000 Okay?
01:51:33.000 I'm seeing the video of it.
01:51:35.000 It's just...
01:51:35.000 Like, this is actually slower than the human eye can perceive.
01:51:38.000 Yeah.
01:51:39.000 You know, the human eye sees shit.
01:51:40.000 You know, like, hey, what is that?
01:51:41.000 Fucking some shit flying fire.
01:51:43.000 You would see it.
01:51:44.000 This is so stupid.
01:51:45.000 Like, if you could see it in the video, you would see it in real life.
01:51:47.000 It's so dumb.
01:51:49.000 So he tried to run with a conspiracy?
01:51:51.000 Oh, he made documentaries.
01:51:52.000 Me and Eddie Bravo got stoned as fuck and watched it.
01:51:55.000 And we're like, dude, what do you think these rods are?
01:51:59.000 We're so high.
01:52:00.000 We're so high.
01:52:01.000 We're so ridiculous.
01:52:02.000 We're going, what do you think they are, man?
01:52:03.000 It's crazy that you can't see them.
01:52:05.000 I'm like, that doesn't even make any sense, man.
01:52:07.000 It doesn't even make any sense.
01:52:08.000 So you think they're everywhere?
01:52:09.000 Yeah, they're everywhere.
01:52:10.000 They're just moving so fast we can't see them.
01:52:13.000 We're like, that's so crazy.
01:52:14.000 Maybe we should put up a net.
01:52:15.000 We should put up a net and try to catch them.
01:52:17.000 Yo, they're so fast.
01:52:18.000 They see the net.
01:52:18.000 They're gone.
01:52:19.000 You're right.
01:52:20.000 You're right.
01:52:20.000 You're right.
01:52:21.000 Otherwise, they would slam into planes and shit.
01:52:24.000 They'd be peeling them off of planes.
01:52:25.000 Here it is.
01:52:26.000 Listen to Brian talk about hydraulic fracturing.
01:52:29.000 Then sand is mixed with the water and gets distributed throughout the cracks to prop them open.
01:52:35.000 The water is then pumped back out and now the gas can freely flow to the borehole.
01:52:41.000 The controversy comes mainly from the fact that about one half of one percent of the fluid consists of lubricants and surfactants.
01:52:48.000 Okay.
01:52:51.000 Controversy comes from the fact that people can't drink their water anymore, man.
01:52:55.000 This hydraulic fracturing, that's one of those things you bring up in a conversation on podcasts and people go fucking bananas.
01:53:02.000 It's a global warming type issue.
01:53:04.000 Really?
01:53:05.000 Yeah, you know how global warming, if you believe in global warming or if you don't believe in global warming, you're going to piss somebody off and they're going to get heated tweets about it.
01:53:12.000 People get fucking furious.
01:53:13.000 Because it's an ideology argument.
01:53:19.000 Abortion.
01:53:20.000 Yes.
01:53:21.000 People that support hydraulic fracturing support business.
01:53:24.000 You don't understand, Nick Youssef, you fucking hippie.
01:53:27.000 You don't understand business, okay?
01:53:29.000 The way business gets done, it's cheaper to get that oil out than it is to rely on foreign oil and endanger Americans.
01:53:36.000 It's that sort of attitude.
01:53:38.000 And then there's the people that are environmentally conscious, go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's happening?
01:53:43.000 How much water's getting polluted?
01:53:45.000 How many wells are there?
01:53:46.000 There's millions?
01:53:47.000 Hold on.
01:53:48.000 Wait a minute.
01:53:48.000 You guys have a million fracking wells.
01:53:50.000 There's a million.
01:53:51.000 And it's causing earthquakes, too?
01:53:53.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:53:55.000 You can't...
01:53:55.000 Well, what we need now is not hippies.
01:53:58.000 What we need now is oil.
01:54:00.000 Patriotism.
01:54:01.000 Patriotism and oil.
01:54:03.000 I'm not pro or con fracking, ladies and gentlemen.
01:54:06.000 I'm not opposed to putting a fence around a certain area of, like, South Dakota where nobody goes and fracking the shit out of that bitch and not having to go to war for foreign oil.
01:54:17.000 I'm not totally opposed to that.
01:54:19.000 My problem is I don't think it's controlled.
01:54:22.000 When you talk about, like, all right, let's guess.
01:54:24.000 How many fracking wells are there?
01:54:26.000 Let's take a wild guess.
01:54:27.000 They've been fracking in Ohio lately, and now we have all these earthquakes over there.
01:54:30.000 Oh, yeah, proven.
01:54:31.000 Yeah, proven.
01:54:32.000 That's so scary.
01:54:34.000 Okay, how many fracking wells in the U.S.? A thousand.
01:54:38.000 That's so cute.
01:54:40.000 That's a really low number.
01:54:41.000 Oh, that's so low.
01:54:42.000 Or do I just look cute right now?
01:54:44.000 You do look, you're a handsome bastard.
01:54:46.000 But that, no, I'm saying it's so low, it's ridiculous.
01:54:49.000 I bet it's more than a million.
01:54:50.000 Oh, I would say a million.
01:54:53.000 Yeah, I think so.
01:54:55.000 I'd say, yeah, 5,000 to 10,000.
01:54:59.000 That's it.
01:54:59.000 Okay, you guys say in the thousands, would you say?
01:55:01.000 I said around 1,000.
01:55:03.000 You said 5,000 to 10,000, I said a million.
01:55:06.000 Okay.
01:55:07.000 I bet you guys are right.
01:55:09.000 Okay, 2013. What's the numbers?
01:55:15.000 Over 1.1 million active oil and gas wells in the U.S. Whoa.
01:55:22.000 Wow.
01:55:23.000 Alright, how many of them are fractured?
01:55:24.000 Many people ask us how many wells have been hydraulically fractured in the United States.
01:55:30.000 It's an excellent question, but not one that's easily answered.
01:55:33.000 Most states don't release the data on well stimulation activities.
01:55:38.000 Also, since the data are released by state regulatory agencies, it is necessary to obtain data from each state that has oil and gas data to even begin the conversation.
01:55:48.000 We finally had a chance to complete the task.
01:55:52.000 And have able to be able to aggregate the following totals.
01:55:56.000 Wow, this is pretty nuts, man.
01:55:58.000 There's a lot of fucking wells, bro.
01:56:01.000 There's over a million.
01:56:03.000 Woo!
01:56:04.000 That's crazy.
01:56:05.000 Dude, that's scary.
01:56:08.000 Man.
01:56:08.000 How is that a better idea than investing in like solar paneling and like alternate sources?
01:56:14.000 I don't know.
01:56:15.000 There's a bunch of different kinds of wells, though.
01:56:17.000 So let me just clarify that.
01:56:20.000 There's directional, there's a bunch of different types.
01:56:23.000 Directional, horizontal, either direction or horizontal, vertical, hydraulically fractured, not fractured, unknown, or shale formation.
01:56:33.000 So out of all of these, all of these, it's a million.
01:56:38.000 But it says hydraulically fractured, it says 130. But does that mean there's only 130 fracking wells?
01:56:46.000 As each state releases data differently, it wasn't always possible to get consistent data on fracking wells.
01:56:52.000 These wells are known to be hydraulically fractured, but the slant of the well is unknown.
01:56:58.000 Oh, I see.
01:57:00.000 Okay.
01:57:05.000 Wow.
01:57:22.000 That's a crazy fucking thing, man.
01:57:25.000 Hydraulically fractured...
01:57:26.000 Okay, here it is.
01:57:28.000 Wells that have been hydraulically fractured might appear in any of the eight categories, with the obvious exception of not fractured.
01:57:35.000 So that's the only one that doesn't have hydraulically fractured wells included in it.
01:57:43.000 So categories that are very likely to be fractured include horizontal, hydraulically fractured, and unknown shale formation, the total of which is 32,000 wells.
01:57:55.000 That's most likely to be fractured.
01:57:58.000 So they don't know, but at least 32,000.
01:58:00.000 However, the number doesn't include any wells from Texas or Colorado.
01:58:05.000 Where we know thousands of wells have been drilled into major shale formations, but the data for which had to be placed into categories that were more vague.
01:58:15.000 So there's different states that have different regulatory bodies, I guess.
01:58:19.000 There's states that are better to fucking rape the earth in.
01:58:24.000 They probably are better off hiding the information too.
01:58:28.000 So it seems like what they're saying is like 32,000 plus hydraulically fractured ones that they could locate, that they know are most likely hydraulically fractured.
01:58:38.000 But then there's a bunch of the other ones that possibly could.
01:58:42.000 And the ones that aren't fractured, there's only 7,477 of them out of the 1,136,000.
01:58:49.000 What's crazy is that they create earthquakes.
01:58:53.000 Yeah.
01:58:54.000 It's fucked.
01:58:55.000 And then it's still like, nah, it's worth it.
01:58:56.000 It's worth it.
01:58:57.000 Totally worth it.
01:58:58.000 Bro, it's worth it if you keep your family warm.
01:59:00.000 Yeah.
01:59:01.000 It's for America.
01:59:02.000 Keep America safe, bro.
01:59:04.000 America safe.
01:59:05.000 America's going to be a puddle of goo.
01:59:06.000 Yeah.
01:59:06.000 A stinky puddle of goo and dead elk.
01:59:09.000 Fucking...
01:59:10.000 Choking bison with their fucking legs over there.
01:59:14.000 Gagging blood out.
01:59:15.000 They have a new Ebola that comes only from oil.
01:59:17.000 Right.
01:59:19.000 Yeah.
01:59:20.000 I don't know, man.
01:59:21.000 I just wish there was a better way to power shit.
01:59:23.000 I wonder if there was no oil.
01:59:27.000 Let's say that oil didn't exist.
01:59:28.000 How far do you think civilization would have gone?
01:59:30.000 Because there's no doubt that the combustion engine and making machines and trucks and engines...
01:59:36.000 That's the reason why we became what we are today.
01:59:39.000 There's this fucking chaotic mass superorganism that we are.
01:59:44.000 So if there was no oil, if there wasn't an element on Earth, and you only could have plant-based oils like...
01:59:53.000 Sunflower oil or some shit.
01:59:55.000 Hemp oil.
01:59:56.000 Which they use for lamps and stuff.
01:59:57.000 They use different kinds of oils for lamps.
01:59:59.000 But no oil in the ground.
02:00:00.000 How far would things have gotten?
02:00:03.000 I don't know.
02:00:04.000 Because how long would it have taken...
02:00:06.000 This is the part of the conversation where Brian checks Alex.
02:00:08.000 Yeah, he's like...
02:00:09.000 Who knows?
02:00:13.000 Because how long would it have been before you'd found an alternate way, like the electric car?
02:00:18.000 How long did that take?
02:00:19.000 Forever.
02:00:19.000 But you need combustion engines to make all those things.
02:00:23.000 To make an electric car?
02:00:24.000 Yeah.
02:00:25.000 You need an engine to take the parts, to get the parts to the car manufacturer, to deliver the stuff.
02:00:31.000 Those are all being delivered with trucks.
02:00:33.000 Right.
02:00:34.000 Like, this idea that, like, you get an electric car and you're karma-free, this is nonsense.
02:00:38.000 Well, no, that technology would have had to have been created for the manufacturing.
02:00:42.000 Everything would have had to have been run electrically.
02:00:44.000 Exactly.
02:00:45.000 But how long would it have taken to discover, yeah?
02:00:48.000 Forever.
02:00:48.000 Without the motor to take the parts to put it together.
02:00:53.000 Like, you've got to pick up the tire somewhere and drive a truck.
02:00:56.000 Those aren't electric trucks.
02:00:58.000 Yeah, it would have been like wagons for so many years.
02:01:02.000 With oxen, it would have had oxen pulling your fucking tires.
02:01:05.000 And then how are they going to figure out a way to power up these machines?
02:01:10.000 What's it going to fire up the electricity?
02:01:12.000 Are they going to use a dam?
02:01:13.000 And the dam fires up the electricity for these machines, and these machines build this engine.
02:01:19.000 And is there enough electricity to charge batteries?
02:01:21.000 And where are you guys getting the batteries?
02:01:23.000 Where are you getting the minerals that go in the batteries?
02:01:24.000 You gotta go to Afghanistan, man.
02:01:26.000 Yeah, you gotta drill for them.
02:01:27.000 How are you gonna get to Afghanistan?
02:01:29.000 The oxen can't swim.
02:01:31.000 You gotta take a fucking raft and fill it up with minerals from Afghanistan and floaty back to America and build your stupid electric car?
02:01:40.000 The battery would have been invented in like 1973. It would have taken that long.
02:01:45.000 This is what Obama meant when he was like, when you started a small business, you didn't build that.
02:01:50.000 That's what he meant.
02:01:51.000 The infrastructure.
02:01:53.000 You cannot have an electric car without the infrastructure.
02:01:55.000 Right.
02:01:56.000 They created batteries back in the Egyptian days, though.
02:01:59.000 Yeah.
02:02:00.000 So they might have been...
02:02:01.000 I think they could have probably done something.
02:02:03.000 It would have been...
02:02:04.000 Well, those batteries were dog shit, by the way.
02:02:07.000 Everybody's like, the batteries were amazing.
02:02:09.000 They weren't even iPhone 1. They weren't even close.
02:02:11.000 They were stupid.
02:02:12.000 They weren't even Duracell.
02:02:13.000 Yeah.
02:02:13.000 Those bitches couldn't even power a light.
02:02:16.000 You couldn't have the light that powers your cell phone.
02:02:20.000 I went out to close my chicken coop last night, and I used my phone as a flashlight.
02:02:25.000 The new iPhone has a built-in flashlight thing.
02:02:29.000 You slide this thing up, and you hit that, and boom, you got a flashlight.
02:02:32.000 It takes two seconds.
02:02:33.000 It's built in.
02:02:34.000 It's such a slick thing.
02:02:38.000 Go outside.
02:02:38.000 That wouldn't work without a stupid Egyptian battery.
02:02:41.000 Big, goofy-ass thing.
02:02:42.000 Gotta carry around this pot with a copper core.
02:02:47.000 Unless you made a big one, like the size of a pyramid.
02:02:52.000 The pyramid was a battery the whole time.
02:02:54.000 Can you imagine if that's what it was?
02:02:56.000 Soon our battery will be operable.
02:02:59.000 That was one of the crazy conspiracy theory hypotheses.
02:03:03.000 The pyramid was a giant, some sort of a power plant.
02:03:06.000 Really?
02:03:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:03:07.000 Oh, really?
02:03:07.000 Of course.
02:03:08.000 I believe it.
02:03:09.000 If you can think it up, somebody has probably written blog entries about it.
02:03:14.000 Yeah, that's true.
02:03:15.000 It doesn't matter how kooky the idea is.
02:03:17.000 If you can think up a kooky idea, somebody's written some shit about it.
02:03:21.000 I was thinking of bugs the other day because there was a praying mantis that was on my porch that just hung out the whole day.
02:03:28.000 And he has these huge antennas.
02:03:30.000 And I was like, isn't it weird that we don't really focus...
02:03:32.000 These bugs have antennas on them.
02:03:35.000 In the future, we're going to find out that these are aliens that are communicating with each other through some Wi-Fi.
02:03:40.000 Well, they might as well be aliens.
02:03:42.000 We just don't give a shit about them because they're little.
02:03:45.000 We can just kick them out of the way.
02:03:46.000 They're little drones.
02:03:48.000 They're drones for aliens.
02:03:49.000 There's these little...
02:03:50.000 What they are is a weird little life form that shares the world with us that has no morals, no ethics.
02:03:55.000 They're ruthless, cold-hearted, emotionless killers.
02:03:58.000 They have a hard skeleton.
02:04:00.000 They don't need each other's touch.
02:04:02.000 They have this very bizarre military organization as far as they have a queen.
02:04:08.000 They have the worker bees and they're building shelter and protecting the hive.
02:04:13.000 They're weird, man.
02:04:14.000 We just don't think of them as being so weird because they're little and we could fucking smush them like that.
02:04:19.000 But if a bee was big...
02:04:20.000 Oh, I know.
02:04:22.000 Yeah.
02:04:23.000 But a lot of them, it's like, if they all of a sudden became big, we're like, fuck!
02:04:26.000 And then we're like, oh, cool, they only live for four days.
02:04:28.000 Thank God!
02:04:29.000 That threat's neutralized soon.
02:04:31.000 Yeah, but there's so many of them.
02:04:33.000 Yeah.
02:04:33.000 Before we started killing them off with cell phones, cell phones and pesticides, apparently, the good one that's whacked them out.
02:04:40.000 Remember when you were a kid?
02:04:41.000 Bees were everywhere.
02:04:42.000 How often are you seeing bees?
02:04:44.000 Every day at my house.
02:04:46.000 But do you see bees like you saw in bees when you were a kid?
02:04:48.000 Well, I have a ton of...
02:04:49.000 Like, bees nests everywhere in my house.
02:04:51.000 Yeah, you do?
02:04:52.000 Yeah, really?
02:04:52.000 Oh, wow.
02:04:53.000 Maybe you got a sweet spot for bees.
02:04:57.000 And wasps.
02:04:58.000 Bee populations are pretty down, though, aren't they?
02:05:00.000 Wasn't that like a...
02:05:01.000 It's a major concern.
02:05:02.000 Let's see, dropping bee populations.
02:05:04.000 Let's play another game.
02:05:05.000 I say bee populations are down by 40%.
02:05:09.000 40, wow.
02:05:11.000 I would say...
02:05:14.000 25. 20%.
02:05:15.000 25%?
02:05:16.000 What do you say, Brian?
02:05:18.000 I say it's up.
02:05:19.000 I say I think it's a big conspiracy.
02:05:21.000 I think bees are going crazy.
02:05:22.000 More bees than ever.
02:05:23.000 All around Brian's house.
02:05:24.000 In fact, we have a bee problem.
02:05:26.000 We need to stop these bees.
02:05:28.000 Okay, 30%.
02:05:29.000 It's even crazier.
02:05:32.000 30% in the U.S., beekeepers experience losses of 40% or 50% or more.
02:05:38.000 Wow.
02:05:39.000 Yeah, just as commercial bee operations...
02:05:42.000 Prepared to transport their hives to the country's largest pollinator event, the fertilizing of California's almond trees.
02:05:49.000 Oh, that's interesting.
02:05:51.000 So I guess they hire people to go do that.
02:05:54.000 They bring bees, and the bees pollinate these plants.
02:06:00.000 That's pretty cool.
02:06:01.000 Spread out across 800,000 acres, California's almond orchards typically require 1.6 million domesticated bee colonies to pollinate the flowering trees and produce what has become the state's largest overseas agricultural export.
02:06:17.000 I did not know that.
02:06:20.000 Almonds are our largest overseas export?
02:06:22.000 And why is that?
02:06:23.000 Because weed's illegal, bitch!
02:06:26.000 If weed was legal, you don't think that people in Portugal would be dying to get a hold of some goddamn California weed?
02:06:34.000 But given widespread bee losses to so-called colony collapse disorder this winter, California's almond growers were able to pollinate their crop automatically.
02:06:42.000 Only through an intense nationwide push to cobble together the necessary number of healthy bee colonies.
02:06:48.000 Wow.
02:06:49.000 Nationwide push.
02:06:51.000 That's crazy.
02:06:52.000 That's how they grow almonds?
02:06:55.000 That's insane.
02:06:56.000 It's amazing.
02:06:57.000 So cool.
02:06:58.000 I love when I find out something like this, where I had no idea.
02:07:02.000 I thought bees, they just made honey and they pollinated shit, but I didn't know that they needed them to grow almonds.
02:07:08.000 They're domesticated.
02:07:10.000 That's crazy, man.
02:07:11.000 Yeah, I thought they only did one thing.
02:07:13.000 They make two delicious items.
02:07:15.000 Make almonds?
02:07:16.000 Yeah, if it wasn't for them.
02:07:18.000 That's amazing!
02:07:19.000 But that these colonies were down, and that in order to pollinate all of their plants, they needed to bring in other bees.
02:07:27.000 There's not, like, another possibility.
02:07:30.000 They're like, no, no, no, no, no, we need bees.
02:07:32.000 But what, isn't there another method?
02:07:34.000 Let's put our heads together, and no, [...
02:07:37.000 They're not going to grow.
02:07:38.000 You need bees, or it's not going to grow.
02:07:39.000 That really puts into light how important bees are, something like that.
02:07:44.000 That really makes you realize, like, oh, like...
02:07:47.000 If it's not for bees, there's not a lot of shit.
02:07:51.000 Like, you need those little cunty bugs.
02:07:53.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:07:55.000 That's bizarre, man.
02:07:56.000 And there's this image on this Yale site where I'm reading a story, and there's this dude who's dressed up in this beekeeper's outfit, and he's handling these bees and moving them around in these California farms,
02:08:11.000 these onion crops.
02:08:13.000 And you're looking at them, you're like, how is that much different than the Ebola guy?
02:08:18.000 What do you mean?
02:08:19.000 I mean, he's got a fucking crazy suit to protect him as well.
02:08:23.000 That dude's fully suited up for an invasion of attacking monsters.
02:08:28.000 Right.
02:08:28.000 You know?
02:08:29.000 What is that, Brian?
02:08:30.000 That's Tony Hinchcliffe dressed up as a bee.
02:08:32.000 He is a bee.
02:08:32.000 Right.
02:08:34.000 The greatest bee of all time.
02:08:38.000 Do wasps do anything positive?
02:08:41.000 They fuck up bees.
02:08:42.000 Oh, is that it?
02:08:43.000 They're just dicks.
02:08:44.000 Aren't they the ones that can keep stinging you?
02:08:46.000 It's like a kamikaze mission.
02:08:49.000 It's like one and done.
02:08:50.000 Wasps.
02:08:51.000 Yeah, have you ever seen that video, the Japanese hornets killing the beehive?
02:08:55.000 No.
02:08:56.000 Ooh, it's the weirdest video ever, man, because it's this...
02:08:59.000 If we put it on, it'll probably get us kicked off of YouTube, right?
02:09:03.000 Is that how it works?
02:09:03.000 Wait, really?
02:09:04.000 It's one of those ones.
02:09:05.000 There's nature documentaries, man.
02:09:07.000 They go after you and have you pulled from YouTube.
02:09:10.000 What?
02:09:10.000 Yeah, nature documentaries.
02:09:11.000 People own them.
02:09:12.000 It probably cost a grip of money to film high-speed video footage of some Japanese hornets fucking up some honeybees.
02:09:19.000 Right.
02:09:20.000 But just do me a favor.
02:09:22.000 Just Google Japanese hornets fuck up honeybees and check it out because it's amazing.
02:09:26.000 They're monsters.
02:09:27.000 They cut their heads off.
02:09:29.000 They just cut the honeybees' heads off.
02:09:31.000 And I think it was like 30 bees killed 30,000 bees, or 30 hornets killed 30,000 bees, something nutty like that.
02:09:39.000 That's like a serious war.
02:09:41.000 But it's not a war.
02:09:42.000 It's like you with a hatchet in a room full of babies.
02:09:45.000 That's what it's like.
02:09:47.000 No one's fighting back.
02:09:48.000 I mean, they can't do anything.
02:09:50.000 They just chop their heads off.
02:09:51.000 It's like the Iraq war.
02:09:54.000 Something along those lines.
02:09:55.000 The only way they can kill them is they have to overheat them.
02:09:58.000 So what they do is they all swarm on top of them.
02:10:00.000 They hold the hornet down and they keep buzzing.
02:10:04.000 They buzz on him and raise his internal temperature until he dies.
02:10:07.000 Holy shit.
02:10:08.000 Yeah.
02:10:09.000 That's the only way they can kill him.
02:10:10.000 They can't kill him by stinging him.
02:10:12.000 It doesn't work.
02:10:13.000 They can't get through their fucking armor.
02:10:16.000 They just turn the heat up until they die.
02:10:18.000 Yep.
02:10:18.000 They smother them.
02:10:19.000 They fucking torture them.
02:10:20.000 Mm-hmm.
02:10:21.000 It's the only way to do it.
02:10:21.000 What else would you do?
02:10:22.000 Just trying to eat your babies.
02:10:24.000 Chop their heads off.
02:10:25.000 What the fuck?
02:10:27.000 It's crazy that these invasions are happening on such a small level.
02:10:32.000 You think bees are like dumb bee just flying around making honey, and meanwhile they're like, here's the plan.
02:10:37.000 We're going in, and we're going to heat the fucking place up until everyone dies.
02:10:41.000 Well, no, the bees do that to the hornets, but what they do is say one hornet will be a scout hornet, and the scout hornet will show up, and when the scout hornet shows up, that's when the bees swarm it.
02:10:52.000 The bees swarm it and hold it down and try to kill it.
02:10:54.000 Because if they don't kill it, if it gets back to the hornet's nest and goes, yo, I found some bees, that's when shit gets crazy.
02:11:01.000 That's when they fly back and fuck everybody up.
02:11:03.000 That's insane.
02:11:04.000 Yeah, that world, the hornet bee, I think of them as sort of the same sort of category, these flying bugs that sting.
02:11:11.000 That world is unbelievably ruthless.
02:11:15.000 First of all, the fact that their stingers kill them, too.
02:11:20.000 When they sting a person or something, it pulls out of their body.
02:11:23.000 It's this giant sword that pulls out of their body, and they die.
02:11:27.000 That happens when they have sex.
02:11:28.000 That happens when they sting.
02:11:30.000 Yeah, they only live to be like a week old, like if they're lucky.
02:11:34.000 And if they sting you, they die.
02:11:37.000 And then on top of that, like the female can sting all the time.
02:11:41.000 Like the queen, she doesn't have to worry about her barb coming out.
02:11:44.000 She can just sting all day long.
02:11:46.000 But all she does is seek out other females.
02:11:50.000 So she walks around the hive and smells each individual little honeycomb and those little combs where the bees grow up in.
02:11:58.000 That's not a honeycomb.
02:11:59.000 What are those things?
02:12:01.000 It's not a comb.
02:12:02.000 Whatever it is.
02:12:03.000 Whatever those little pods where the larvae are growing.
02:12:07.000 If she finds that it's a female, she uses her fucking stinger and stabs the baby.
02:12:12.000 What?
02:12:13.000 Yep.
02:12:14.000 That's what it's for.
02:12:16.000 No other women.
02:12:18.000 No other women.
02:12:18.000 No other women.
02:12:19.000 There could be only one.
02:12:20.000 She's Highlander.
02:12:21.000 Damn.
02:12:22.000 Yeah.
02:12:22.000 She walks around and stabs all the females.
02:12:25.000 And then fucks all the dudes to death.
02:12:27.000 Yep.
02:12:27.000 Fucks them to death.
02:12:28.000 Jesus Christ.
02:12:29.000 That bitch is gangster as fuck.
02:12:31.000 That's a gangster bitch.
02:12:33.000 Wow.
02:12:34.000 That might be the most gangster bitch of the animal kingdom.
02:12:37.000 Right?
02:12:38.000 I mean, probably.
02:12:39.000 She's got a sword on her pussy.
02:12:40.000 Because how many other, like...
02:12:42.000 Praying mantis.
02:12:43.000 Or black widows, I guess, right?
02:12:45.000 Okay, here's a good question.
02:12:47.000 Who would win in a fight?
02:12:48.000 A praying mantis or a wasp?
02:12:49.000 Praying mantis.
02:12:50.000 Okay.
02:12:52.000 I'm going to go with the wasp.
02:12:53.000 Wasp versus praying mantis.
02:12:54.000 I'd say praying mantis.
02:12:55.000 Female praying mantis decapitates her, like fucks the dude, and then...
02:12:59.000 Yeah, but those guys are bitches.
02:13:01.000 I don't know.
02:13:02.000 Praying mantis versus wasp.
02:13:03.000 Okay, there's a video.
02:13:04.000 It wouldn't be able to probably reach around, like if the wasp was like, I'm going to stab you in the back, the praying mantis probably couldn't get it.
02:13:10.000 Yeah.
02:13:10.000 But maybe they have like hard skeletons that they can't be pierced by bees.
02:13:16.000 I'm going to go praying mantis.
02:13:18.000 Interesting.
02:13:20.000 Is that your bird?
02:13:21.000 Yeah, I'm watching this praying mantis.
02:13:23.000 Okay, the amazing thing is if only the wasp knew how vulnerable the praying mantis is, could in numbers easily sting it to death, but it doesn't.
02:13:32.000 The answer lies in the camouflage strategy of the mantis, and now the wasp usually visualizes the mantis among the foliage.
02:13:39.000 The mantis is not seen as a threat to the wasp.
02:13:42.000 Large female praying mantis.
02:13:44.000 Almost ready to produce her egg case.
02:13:47.000 Needs one last meal.
02:13:48.000 It's a European wasp.
02:13:50.000 It says the bullies of the insect world.
02:13:53.000 Insect mimicry.
02:13:55.000 So I guess that's the answer there.
02:13:58.000 Fucking praying mantis.
02:13:59.000 Here's a giant hornet versus a praying mantis.
02:14:01.000 Oh, whoa.
02:14:02.000 Dude, this praying mantis fucked this wasp up.
02:14:05.000 Quick.
02:14:06.000 The wasp is walking around.
02:14:08.000 It's pretty dope.
02:14:09.000 I wish we could show it and not get pulled off of YouTube.
02:14:12.000 Whatever happens to those when we get pulled off of those, Jamie?
02:14:14.000 Do we get back on?
02:14:16.000 Yes and no.
02:14:17.000 Yes and no.
02:14:17.000 This is worth watching, dude.
02:14:19.000 Look at this one.
02:14:21.000 Yeah, that's the one I'm watching.
02:14:22.000 Oh, yeah.
02:14:23.000 I'm doing it small in the corner.
02:14:24.000 I think we could make it away with that.
02:14:28.000 Well, praying mantises are gangster.
02:14:30.000 They fuck wasps.
02:14:32.000 The wasps don't have a chance.
02:14:34.000 He just holds them and starts eating them.
02:14:36.000 That's what's really crazy.
02:14:37.000 They're so strong, they just eat the wasps back.
02:14:40.000 Just hang on and eat them.
02:14:42.000 Yeah, that's a fucking vicious, vicious animal.
02:14:46.000 The world of those creatures is just so evil and alien.
02:14:50.000 We just don't think about it because they're so small.
02:14:53.000 On their level, it's like ruthless people, not people, but the other animals, they run scared.
02:14:59.000 But for us, it's like a pair of vans can just take them both out at once.
02:15:05.000 Yeah, these other bees are swimming or flying around.
02:15:09.000 This praying man is not sure how to save their friend, but they don't know what to do.
02:15:13.000 While this wasp is getting just eaten alive.
02:15:16.000 Just eating the back of his head.
02:15:18.000 It's horrific, man.
02:15:19.000 He's just holding on to it and just eating it.
02:15:23.000 We're looking at it in this tiny scale so it doesn't seem that horrific.
02:15:27.000 But if a praying mantis was the size of a giraffe, you know?
02:15:33.000 Yeah.
02:15:33.000 And we saw it chase after a hippo and jack it.
02:15:36.000 It was fucking up this hippo in front of all the other hippos and there wasn't a goddamn thing they could do about it.
02:15:42.000 They just had to sit there and just deal with the fact that this huge mechanized looking beast taking chunks out of the hippo's head.
02:15:53.000 And they're like, oh fuck, do we go over there and save him?
02:15:56.000 What do we do?
02:15:57.000 That's why size in the animal kingdom is so relevant.
02:16:02.000 Because when you get really low, wow, there's a praying man that just jacked that bee.
02:16:08.000 They don't play games, man.
02:16:09.000 They don't play games.
02:16:11.000 They're so strong.
02:16:12.000 They just hold onto the bee and start eating them.
02:16:15.000 Is that his death rattle?
02:16:17.000 No, he's just trying to fly away.
02:16:19.000 He's trying to fly away.
02:16:20.000 Look how much stronger those things are.
02:16:23.000 That's like...
02:16:23.000 He plants his legs?
02:16:24.000 John Jones versus Bobby Lee.
02:16:26.000 That's what that's like.
02:16:28.000 That's what that's like.
02:16:30.000 That's what kind of a battle that is.
02:16:31.000 Just holds him.
02:16:32.000 It doesn't matter what he does.
02:16:33.000 You're not going anywhere.
02:16:36.000 And this praying mantis is a motherfucker, man.
02:16:40.000 Just holds on to him and starts eating.
02:16:43.000 Dude.
02:16:44.000 Yeah, that's a weird world.
02:16:45.000 It's just tiny, tiny, tiny so we don't freak.
02:16:47.000 But if it was big, it would be way more ruthless than what we're seeing even amongst mammals, like predator mammals.
02:16:53.000 When we see a lion take out a gazelle, I guess that's not as creepy to me because they're mammals.
02:17:01.000 Yeah.
02:17:02.000 If I saw a giant praying mantis take out a gazelle, I'd be way more freaked out.
02:17:07.000 He's corn-coving.
02:17:09.000 The way they look, it looks more alien.
02:17:11.000 Yeah.
02:17:12.000 You know?
02:17:13.000 Yeah.
02:17:13.000 With their weird bugged-out eyes and their crazy arms and their antennae, some kind of weird internet.
02:17:19.000 All of it, man.
02:17:20.000 Yeah.
02:17:21.000 Dude, if a praying mantis didn't exist and you got to see this, you'd be like, what?
02:17:26.000 If this was a character in a movie.
02:17:28.000 You're like, what planet is this on?
02:17:30.000 Yeah.
02:17:31.000 That easily could be, if it was large, it could be an alien in a movie.
02:17:35.000 Like the movie Alien, if that thing was chasing you, that would be just as scary.
02:17:39.000 Oh, yeah.
02:17:40.000 Big giant ass fucking crab arms is going to clamp a hold of you.
02:17:43.000 They're probably designed after the praying mantis.
02:17:46.000 I bet.
02:17:46.000 Some animal like that.
02:17:47.000 Yeah, I bet there's probably definitely some influence.
02:17:50.000 Yeah.
02:17:51.000 Because if you think about like bugs, bugs are just like what those aliens were like.
02:17:56.000 They were like this emotionless, ruthless thing that just like sort of popped out of the darkness and clamped a hold of you and fucking shot a tongue into your brain and sucked your brain out.
02:18:06.000 How is that any different than when we just saw that thing do?
02:18:09.000 I know.
02:18:10.000 Yeah, you don't see any humanity because the eyes don't look the same.
02:18:14.000 You can't identify with it.
02:18:16.000 You're like, this is a foreign species and this giant tongue is coming at me to rip my heart out of my chest.
02:18:23.000 Yeah, that's kind of exactly what it is.
02:18:25.000 The difference between when we see a cat eat a gazelle.
02:18:30.000 When you see a cat, wow, what is this?
02:18:32.000 Praying mantis versus hummingbird.
02:18:34.000 No way.
02:18:39.000 What happens?
02:18:40.000 There's just three of them.
02:18:41.000 Well, praying mantis does kill hummingbirds, dude.
02:18:43.000 Really?
02:18:44.000 Yeah, so hummingbirds are scared of him.
02:18:46.000 There's a video of a hummingbird with a praying mantis in his mouth.
02:18:51.000 It's really fucked.
02:18:53.000 Or a praying mantis with a hummingbird in his mouth.
02:18:56.000 Looks like they jacked him there, right?
02:18:57.000 A lot of hummingbirds are super small, too.
02:18:59.000 So they attacked him?
02:19:00.000 Where did they attack him?
02:19:01.000 Right here he is.
02:19:02.000 And those things are fucking aliens also.
02:19:05.000 Hummingbirds?
02:19:06.000 Yeah, they're beautiful.
02:19:07.000 Where does he jack them?
02:19:08.000 You know the smallest hummingbird is the size of a dime?
02:19:12.000 Really?
02:19:13.000 Yeah, I saw one.
02:19:14.000 I did a dissection.
02:19:18.000 Oh, shit.
02:19:19.000 Oh, dude, the praying mass wins.
02:19:21.000 Holy cow.
02:19:22.000 Did it explode?
02:19:24.000 Look at that.
02:19:25.000 Look at this.
02:19:25.000 It's waiting, and the hummingbird gets close, and when the hummingbird goes for the food, it attacks the hummingbird.
02:19:31.000 Watch this.
02:19:32.000 It's like playing dead.
02:19:33.000 Look at this.
02:19:37.000 Swap.
02:19:37.000 Oh, look at his...
02:19:38.000 Bam!
02:19:39.000 Took him down.
02:19:40.000 It was a suicide bomber.
02:19:42.000 That's crazy.
02:19:42.000 That's like UFC shit.
02:19:43.000 That was insane.
02:19:45.000 Yeah, that's how scary those things are.
02:19:47.000 That thing was bigger than him.
02:19:49.000 Fuck.
02:19:50.000 Fuck praying mantises, dude.
02:19:51.000 They need a more threatening name.
02:19:53.000 Yeah, right?
02:19:54.000 Praying mantises, you're like, yeah, because it stands weird.
02:19:56.000 And it also kills hummingbirds.
02:19:59.000 Well, the prey is P-R-E-Y. It's not like praying mantis.
02:20:03.000 I think it is A-Y, right?
02:20:04.000 Is it?
02:20:05.000 Because I think the way they, yeah.
02:20:06.000 Oh, it is praying mantis.
02:20:07.000 The way they stand, yeah.
02:20:08.000 I always thought it was praying.
02:20:10.000 Yeah, because of what they do.
02:20:13.000 Yeah, it would suck if they spelled it prey and they were just sweeties.
02:20:17.000 No!
02:20:18.000 No, they don't attack a fucking snake.
02:20:21.000 Oh my god.
02:20:22.000 No way.
02:20:23.000 Snake.
02:20:26.000 Yeah, if we get kicked off YouTube, we give the fuck.
02:20:29.000 Just fucking play it.
02:20:30.000 What the fuck?
02:20:30.000 I'm tired of this shit.
02:20:31.000 Praying mantises also led the dudes to Bethlehem, if I remember.
02:20:36.000 Dude, you're making shit up now.
02:20:38.000 No, I think that's real.
02:20:40.000 A praying mantis jacks a snake.
02:20:42.000 A corn snake.
02:20:43.000 About ten inches in length.
02:20:44.000 That's about what size my dick, son.
02:20:47.000 We'll just keep on pushing it back and forth.
02:20:50.000 Confused a little.
02:20:53.000 Are you trying to trick the algorithm?
02:20:55.000 That ain't gonna work, you fucking silly bitch.
02:20:57.000 Yeah, put it negative.
02:20:58.000 That shit ain't gonna work!
02:20:59.000 What did we just see?
02:21:01.000 Whoa!
02:21:01.000 Turn that back to regular.
02:21:03.000 I need to see what his approach was.
02:21:05.000 Look, he's upside down!
02:21:07.000 He's Spider-man-ing it.
02:21:07.000 That's insane!
02:21:08.000 He's upside down.
02:21:10.000 And he reached down and snatched a snake.
02:21:13.000 They're so evil, bro.
02:21:15.000 Incredibly.
02:21:16.000 The snake is incapable of freeing itself from the grip of this six-inch mantis.
02:21:21.000 That's amazing.
02:21:22.000 It is in danger of being eaten alive by the insect.
02:21:28.000 That's amazing.
02:21:31.000 It's just eating it.
02:21:32.000 Upside down.
02:21:34.000 Look at that poor snake, too.
02:21:36.000 He's like, what the fuck?
02:21:37.000 Nobody eats me.
02:21:39.000 I'm a snake, man.
02:21:40.000 You're supposed to be a leaf, I thought.
02:21:42.000 He was insane.
02:21:44.000 It's amazing how much stronger insects are.
02:21:49.000 Aw, you pussy.
02:21:51.000 No jujitsu.
02:21:53.000 Bad position.
02:21:55.000 But what we didn't hear is the praying mantis go, like, go tell your friends.
02:21:58.000 I'm letting you live.
02:21:59.000 Yeah, go tell your friends.
02:22:01.000 Let them know.
02:22:01.000 I'm in town.
02:22:02.000 Praying mantis versus tarantula?
02:22:04.000 I don't know what it is.
02:22:06.000 Praying mantis are motherfuckers.
02:22:07.000 They're just showing off at this point.
02:22:08.000 The next one's like, praying mantis versus teenage boy.
02:22:11.000 They're like, what?
02:22:12.000 No!
02:22:13.000 Praying Manus vs.
02:22:14.000 Baby.
02:22:15.000 Yeah.
02:22:16.000 Praying Manus vs.
02:22:17.000 Kitten.
02:22:17.000 I bet that's out there.
02:22:18.000 Oh, that would be great.
02:22:20.000 I bet it's out there.
02:22:21.000 Is it out there?
02:22:21.000 Yeah.
02:22:22.000 Shit.
02:22:23.000 Versus Kitten.
02:22:24.000 I gotta watch that.
02:22:25.000 How is that possible?
02:22:26.000 That's nuts.
02:22:27.000 So the idea is that its hands are out like it's praying.
02:22:31.000 Like it's like...
02:22:32.000 Yeah.
02:22:33.000 Look at this.
02:22:34.000 Praying Manus vs.
02:22:35.000 Tarantula.
02:22:35.000 Jack to Tarantula.
02:22:36.000 It's saying, please come fuck with me, I dare you.
02:22:39.000 It's just holding on to the tarantula.
02:22:40.000 I think once it gets those clamps on you, all those bugs are fucked.
02:22:44.000 They can't do shit about it once you get those clamps.
02:22:48.000 That's weird, man.
02:22:51.000 Oh no.
02:22:52.000 Is that cat one bad?
02:22:54.000 Really?
02:22:57.000 This is crazy how strong that thing is.
02:22:59.000 Yeah, cats are evil.
02:23:00.000 Look, it just holds on.
02:23:01.000 Look, it just hooked that fucking praying mantis' head.
02:23:04.000 Or that tarantula's head.
02:23:06.000 And the tarantula's like, let me go, bitch!
02:23:08.000 It's like, nope.
02:23:09.000 It's so much stronger.
02:23:10.000 Look, it's just eating it.
02:23:11.000 Biting its legs and shit.
02:23:13.000 They're praying for mercy.
02:23:14.000 Oh, but the tarantula turns it around!
02:23:16.000 Oh!
02:23:17.000 Oh!
02:23:18.000 You got jacked, son!
02:23:19.000 It's over.
02:23:20.000 He's jacked.
02:23:21.000 Look, he's upside down, writhing in pain.
02:23:24.000 Oh, please.
02:23:24.000 Oh, is that the end?
02:23:25.000 Yeah.
02:23:26.000 What the fuck?
02:23:26.000 Who shot the video up there?
02:23:28.000 That guy's an asshole.
02:23:29.000 Who got bored at that point?
02:23:31.000 That's like the height.
02:23:32.000 Is this a part one of a ten-part trilogy?
02:23:35.000 Yeah.
02:23:36.000 Two hours later.
02:23:39.000 You know what?
02:23:40.000 Can you look up what the praying mantis is afraid of?
02:23:44.000 Like who preys on the praying mantis?
02:23:46.000 Pull up praying mantis versus kitten.
02:23:48.000 This is awesome.
02:23:49.000 No, no, no.
02:23:50.000 Don't worry.
02:23:50.000 Don't worry.
02:23:50.000 The kitten's fine.
02:23:51.000 I gotta see that.
02:23:52.000 But it's wild to see, man.
02:23:53.000 It's wild to see.
02:23:54.000 You see how gangster a praying mantis really is.
02:23:58.000 That's how you see how gangster they are.
02:24:01.000 No, no, no.
02:24:02.000 This one.
02:24:03.000 This one here.
02:24:04.000 Praying Mantis.
02:24:05.000 Boxing Praying Mantis versus Kitten.
02:24:07.000 Sorry, this one.
02:24:09.000 Boxing.
02:24:09.000 Yeah, you gotta see this.
02:24:10.000 This is so ridiculous.
02:24:11.000 Like, they're going to war.
02:24:12.000 The Kitten and the Praying Mantis are fucking throwing down to the death.
02:24:16.000 Yeah, this is it.
02:24:17.000 Look at this.
02:24:18.000 Look at this fucking Praying Mantis.
02:24:20.000 He's not scared of shit.
02:24:21.000 That Kitten fucks him up.
02:24:23.000 Bitch, what?
02:24:23.000 Bitch!
02:24:24.000 Swat!
02:24:25.000 Swat!
02:24:25.000 But look at him.
02:24:26.000 He's still up.
02:24:27.000 Still swinging at the Kitten.
02:24:28.000 The Kitten doesn't know when to bite him.
02:24:31.000 He's scared to bite him.
02:24:32.000 Look at him.
02:24:34.000 It's fucking him up, though.
02:24:35.000 Pop, pop, pop, pop.
02:24:37.000 Look how tough a praying man is.
02:24:39.000 It takes a blow to the head by something way bigger than it.
02:24:44.000 Who's that guy?
02:24:45.000 Speaking voodoo.
02:24:48.000 Okay, don't do that, Brian.
02:24:50.000 You ruined the performance.
02:24:53.000 This cat's doing a great job.
02:24:55.000 Praying man is all fucked up.
02:24:56.000 You got a standing eight count.
02:24:57.000 Cat goes right back to him.
02:24:58.000 Boom!
02:24:59.000 Body slam.
02:25:00.000 We can jump.
02:25:01.000 That wasn't a jump.
02:25:02.000 That cat bit him in the head.
02:25:05.000 Look at him.
02:25:05.000 He's still fighting back, though.
02:25:07.000 It's crazy.
02:25:08.000 And the cat is obviously scared of him a little bit.
02:25:10.000 Because he's so fast.
02:25:11.000 Ooh!
02:25:12.000 Another bite.
02:25:13.000 You're fucked up, son.
02:25:14.000 I didn't know they had, like, wings like that.
02:25:16.000 Yeah.
02:25:16.000 Look at that thing.
02:25:18.000 What a creepy-ass alien bug.
02:25:21.000 One millionth the size of that cat.
02:25:23.000 It's still fighting back.
02:25:25.000 Oh, shit.
02:25:27.000 How many praying mantises in body weight?
02:25:31.000 How many praying mantises does it take to equal that cat?
02:25:35.000 That cat's about 10 pounds.
02:25:38.000 Yeah.
02:25:38.000 Praying mantises about 2 ounces.
02:25:41.000 So 16 ounces is a pound.
02:25:44.000 Yeah, that's a lot bigger.
02:25:47.000 That's the mathematical equation.
02:25:49.000 Okay, he just jacked it.
02:25:50.000 He just jacked it.
02:25:51.000 It's down now.
02:25:52.000 He must have bit it in the head.
02:25:54.000 Now he's like, what, bitch?
02:25:55.000 It's on his back again.
02:25:56.000 What, bitch?
02:25:57.000 What, bitch?
02:25:58.000 What's up, bitch?
02:26:00.000 What's up, bitch?
02:26:00.000 That's why you're in your head, bitch.
02:26:03.000 The praying mantis is still trying to fight back.
02:26:05.000 Dude.
02:26:06.000 I want the camera to widen out and there's just a circle of Filipino dudes betting money on the whole thing.
02:26:11.000 Yeah, probably.
02:26:13.000 Right?
02:26:14.000 That's a good thing to bet on.
02:26:16.000 How long a praying mantis lasts with a cat.
02:26:18.000 I had no idea until this podcast how gangster praying mantises were.
02:26:22.000 I know.
02:26:23.000 I want to know who preys on the praying mantis.
02:26:27.000 Who's their predator?
02:26:29.000 Their direct predator.
02:26:30.000 That's a good question.
02:26:31.000 Predator to the praying mantis.
02:26:33.000 Here's a mouse versus a fucking praying mantis.
02:26:37.000 It's gotta be some kind of bird that's like tougher than a hummingbird.
02:26:42.000 Hmm.
02:26:43.000 Yeah.
02:26:43.000 What are the enemies of a praying mantis?
02:26:46.000 Okay, let's find out.
02:26:46.000 Check this out real quick because I don't want to show too much of this video because it's...
02:26:53.000 Oh, we jacked a mouse.
02:26:55.000 That's incredible.
02:26:57.000 It's fucking crazy, these guys.
02:26:59.000 Oh my god.
02:26:59.000 Show that again, dude.
02:27:01.000 Show that again.
02:27:02.000 I don't care if they pull us off of YouTube.
02:27:03.000 I need to see this.
02:27:04.000 Look at this.
02:27:05.000 Look at this mouse.
02:27:07.000 It doesn't move.
02:27:08.000 Dude.
02:27:09.000 Bitch!
02:27:13.000 Wow.
02:27:19.000 The mouse soon draws its last breath.
02:27:23.000 It's an odd sight to watch an insect devouring a mammal.
02:27:27.000 Yes, it is.
02:27:28.000 Whoa!
02:27:28.000 Yeah, it is.
02:27:30.000 That's the most gangster insect in the insect world.
02:27:33.000 Period.
02:27:33.000 It's gotta be, yeah.
02:27:34.000 It's gotta be.
02:27:35.000 I mean, it doesn't have any venom.
02:27:36.000 It's doing all this shit with no venom.
02:27:38.000 It's just, yeah, it's got like those big praying man in his hands or whatever it's called.
02:27:42.000 It's essentially just doing jujitsu and eating it.
02:27:45.000 Yeah.
02:27:46.000 It just does jujitsu and then just starts eating.
02:27:48.000 He holds him in side control and just eats the shit out of him.
02:27:51.000 Wow.
02:27:52.000 That's insane.
02:27:52.000 It's weird because the one that was on my patio, it was right next to where I was sitting the whole day.
02:27:58.000 Did he swing at you?
02:27:59.000 No, it just stared at me.
02:28:00.000 His head would look like when my girlfriend came outside, he would look over at my girlfriend and then look back at me.
02:28:06.000 But I would walk next to it.
02:28:08.000 It never flew away.
02:28:09.000 It never moved.
02:28:11.000 The dog started...
02:28:14.000 It's trying to sniff it, and it kind of looked down at it like, get away from me.
02:28:18.000 It was probably wondering if it could eat you.
02:28:20.000 Yeah.
02:28:20.000 It was probably looking at you and going, fuck, he's too big.
02:28:23.000 Later, it's like boxing an oak tree or something like that, like working out.
02:28:26.000 It was like, I think he's vulnerable.
02:28:28.000 I feel like I could get him, but he's not quite big enough.
02:28:33.000 Yeah.
02:28:34.000 Come on, man.
02:28:34.000 They're getting into modeling now?
02:28:36.000 Look at that thing.
02:28:36.000 They're modeling now?
02:28:37.000 Look at that thing.
02:28:38.000 Crazy.
02:28:39.000 They're breaking into entertainment?
02:28:41.000 That's dance.
02:28:42.000 Wow.
02:28:43.000 Progressive dance.
02:28:45.000 Put that picture up again, man.
02:28:46.000 The next one's going to be like...
02:28:48.000 Look at the body on that thing.
02:28:49.000 It's so weird.
02:28:51.000 What a strange animal.
02:28:53.000 And how horrific would that be if that thing was horse-sized and was chasing after you?
02:28:59.000 That's it going like, now what, bitch?
02:29:01.000 Like there's something on the ground.
02:29:03.000 Fucking mouse.
02:29:04.000 Do you imagine the physical strength of one of those things if it was like the size of a horse?
02:29:07.000 Oh yeah, dude.
02:29:09.000 They'd be tearing apart cars.
02:29:11.000 Here's the one that was at my house.
02:29:12.000 Like, I'm going to hide in my car.
02:29:13.000 No.
02:29:14.000 And they'd just rip the...
02:29:14.000 Pry that car open easy.
02:29:15.000 That was yours?
02:29:16.000 Yeah.
02:29:17.000 Look at them, man.
02:29:18.000 Evil fucking bug.
02:29:19.000 They're such a crazy...
02:29:20.000 We're just so lucky that they're little.
02:29:22.000 They're like the bugs from Starship Troopers, right?
02:29:25.000 Yeah, kind of.
02:29:26.000 That's like the best analogy.
02:29:28.000 Or the best comparison.
02:29:29.000 They do look like them.
02:29:31.000 They had to have been modeled directly after them.
02:29:33.000 Oh yeah, for sure, right?
02:29:35.000 Those Starship Trooper bugs are fucking awesome.
02:29:38.000 That was a silly movie, but...
02:29:40.000 What are you doing?
02:29:41.000 Brando before and after his role in Godfather before makeup and after makeup.
02:29:45.000 Oh, really?
02:29:46.000 Yeah.
02:29:46.000 Wow, that's amazing.
02:29:49.000 Oh, so they made him look older.
02:29:50.000 I didn't know they did that.
02:29:51.000 He almost looked like a George Clooney-Brad Pitt combo right here.
02:29:54.000 Oh, he was a handsome man when he was young.
02:29:57.000 What does that have anything to do with what we're doing?
02:29:58.000 I don't know.
02:29:59.000 We're talking about...
02:30:00.000 You goddamn conversation killing...
02:30:04.000 We're talking about a green bug that destroys...
02:30:07.000 Well, that Starship Troopers movie.
02:30:09.000 Yeah.
02:30:11.000 That's very realistic in terms of if there was an invasion by bugs, we would be getting killed.
02:30:18.000 Oh, yeah.
02:30:18.000 If there was bugs like that...
02:30:20.000 Do we even have...
02:30:21.000 Like, what kind of guns would it take to shoot down a giant praying mantis?
02:30:25.000 You'd have to have some fucking serious firepower.
02:30:27.000 Like, a regular rifle's not gonna do it.
02:30:30.000 Like, if you shot a shotgun in a praying mantis, the shit would probably ricochet right off of it.
02:30:34.000 Probably.
02:30:35.000 I wonder if their armor's in paneling.
02:30:39.000 I don't know if it's like an armadillo just straight through, but they seem like Batman has panels that we can move around.
02:30:46.000 It seems like that's what they're like.
02:30:48.000 Well, I bet they grow shit back, too.
02:30:50.000 I bet they're like lobsters and a lot of other bugs.
02:30:53.000 I hope not.
02:30:54.000 When they snap off a wing or something like that, they just grow it back.
02:30:57.000 You took this photo.
02:30:59.000 Oh yeah, that was the praying mantis that was in my yard.
02:31:02.000 Yours is like brown.
02:31:03.000 That one was like on vacation.
02:31:05.000 Well, I think he was being camouflaged.
02:31:10.000 Oh, they can change color?
02:31:11.000 I think so.
02:31:12.000 Really?
02:31:13.000 I didn't know that.
02:31:13.000 Yeah, I think so.
02:31:14.000 Okay, can Mantis camouflage?
02:31:15.000 Let's see.
02:31:18.000 Wow.
02:31:19.000 That'd be cool.
02:31:20.000 Yep, they can.
02:31:22.000 Whoa.
02:31:22.000 I had no idea.
02:31:24.000 Yep.
02:31:24.000 Defense and camouflage.
02:31:26.000 Yeah, so that's what that thing was doing.
02:31:29.000 So that's what that thing was doing in my yard.
02:31:31.000 If you look at it, it's on that stone ball, which is the top of a fountain.
02:31:34.000 Yeah.
02:31:34.000 And it blended in to the exact same color as the ball.
02:31:37.000 Wow, that is so cool.
02:31:39.000 Yep.
02:31:40.000 Pretty weird.
02:31:42.000 Praying mantis can camouflage perfectly into an environment of sticks, barks, leaves, and flowers.
02:31:47.000 The mantis is almost four inches long.
02:31:49.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
02:31:51.000 The most evil-looking one would be a red one.
02:31:54.000 Oh, yeah.
02:31:55.000 With it camouflaged onto, like, you know, something red.
02:31:58.000 It can be...
02:31:59.000 With those, like, crazy eyes.
02:32:00.000 They can be green, brown, or a combination of colors to match their environment.
02:32:04.000 It will molt every few weeks and then can take on the colors of its natural surroundings.
02:32:10.000 Wow.
02:32:11.000 A praying mantis might even mimic the charred remains of sticks, weeds, or grass after a fire.
02:32:20.000 That it started.
02:32:22.000 With its dick.
02:32:25.000 Swaying repetitively from side to side is a common calicoage behavior of the praying mantis.
02:32:29.000 It might be used to mimic the swaying movement of vegetation in the wind.
02:32:33.000 Remember this?
02:32:34.000 Wow.
02:32:35.000 What was that?
02:32:36.000 This is a video you posted about the...
02:32:38.000 Oh, yeah.
02:32:39.000 That was this gangster praying mantis at the commons.
02:32:47.000 Wait a minute, what's this?
02:32:48.000 This is the parasite.
02:32:51.000 Guy kills a zombie praying man and it's revealing a huge parasite living inside of it.
02:32:55.000 What?
02:32:56.000 Oh, no, no, no.
02:32:56.000 This is not what I'm talking about.
02:32:58.000 I thought this was something else.
02:33:01.000 Oh, that's right.
02:33:02.000 He killed it and there's something inside of it.
02:33:05.000 Look at that parasite just coming out of it.
02:33:08.000 Whoa.
02:33:09.000 It's like a snake inside of it.
02:33:12.000 Yeah, that's essentially like that movie The Strain.
02:33:14.000 Back that up so we can see that whole thing pop out.
02:33:19.000 Ew, Jesus Christ.
02:33:21.000 That's so weird.
02:33:23.000 Welcome to the world of bugs.
02:33:26.000 That's what this episode is.
02:33:27.000 Nick Youssef is hilarious and the world of bugs.
02:33:30.000 Look at that thing.
02:33:32.000 Also buy my new album.
02:33:33.000 Yeah, also buy his new album.
02:33:35.000 And don't think about this black dick coming out of this dead praying mantis.
02:33:42.000 So when the body died, the parasite left it and just weaseled out.
02:33:48.000 Wow, that is so fucked.
02:33:49.000 Look how big that thing is, man.
02:33:52.000 It just keeps going.
02:33:53.000 Well, it doesn't know what to do either.
02:33:55.000 Yeah, it's so big.
02:33:56.000 How was that inside of it?
02:33:58.000 God, it's the entire body of the thing.
02:34:00.000 That's incredible.
02:34:01.000 And the mantis didn't look like it was fat or anything.
02:34:04.000 And that spray that's on the ground, that's the poison, right?
02:34:07.000 So it's rolling around in the poison?
02:34:09.000 It's still going.
02:34:11.000 So that parasite controlled the...
02:34:13.000 Like a zombie, he controlled the...
02:34:16.000 The mantis.
02:34:18.000 Well, there's an aquatic worm, I don't know if that's the same one, that it gets inside of a grasshopper, and when it's about to be born, when it reaches the right size, it actually takes over the mind of the grasshopper and gets the grasshopper to commit suicide.
02:34:34.000 So it hot wires.
02:34:36.000 Look at that thing man.
02:34:38.000 It looks like a snake.
02:34:39.000 Totally looks like a snake.
02:34:42.000 I would not swallow that.
02:34:44.000 Yeah.
02:34:45.000 You would for like a lot of money though, right?
02:34:47.000 No.
02:34:47.000 No way!
02:34:47.000 How much do you have to get paid to swallow that?
02:34:50.000 Imagine how big it would grow inside of you.
02:34:52.000 Like a human?
02:34:52.000 Look at the size of it when that guy grabbed it and touched it.
02:34:55.000 That is some alien invasion type shit there.
02:34:59.000 That's what that is.
02:35:00.000 And what if there's a parasite living in that parasite?
02:35:03.000 Dude, you're blowing my mind, man!
02:35:05.000 It's getting too crazy.
02:35:07.000 Yeah, right?
02:35:08.000 I'm wondering.
02:35:09.000 That's scary.
02:35:09.000 Like, there's parasites like that that live in humans.
02:35:11.000 Oh, yeah.
02:35:12.000 They just grow in your intestines.
02:35:13.000 Mm-hmm.
02:35:14.000 Yeah.
02:35:15.000 That's bizarre.
02:35:16.000 From live sushi.
02:35:17.000 Yeah, people get it from freshwater sushi.
02:35:19.000 They say that you shouldn't really be chewing down too much salmon sushi.
02:35:24.000 That's where you can catch it.
02:35:25.000 Like, freshwater stuff that lives in freshwater.
02:35:28.000 Yeah.
02:35:28.000 Fuck, man.
02:35:29.000 Check this out.
02:35:30.000 This is creepy.
02:35:33.000 What the fuck, man?
02:35:35.000 Look at that face.
02:35:36.000 Look at those eyes.
02:35:37.000 It looks like digital.
02:35:39.000 That's the last thing that mouse saw.
02:35:41.000 Jesus Christ, what an evil bug a praying mantis is.
02:35:45.000 The mouse is like, hi guys.
02:35:47.000 That thing was clamping down on your face the size of a giraffe.
02:35:52.000 This guy has a third eye.
02:35:53.000 It's funny, it looks like a lot of models.
02:35:55.000 How dare you?
02:35:56.000 Like, when it was a model, it really does.
02:35:58.000 A lot of models look like aliens.
02:36:01.000 Is that an eyeball?
02:36:02.000 Third eye.
02:36:03.000 Is that what it is, or is it just like a...
02:36:04.000 Dude, it's even spiritual?
02:36:07.000 It's totally spiritual, I'm 42. And look at these antennas, like gold-plated antennas.
02:36:11.000 They're dope as fuck, yo.
02:36:12.000 Look at that.
02:36:13.000 That is pretty cool.
02:36:14.000 It's like braided.
02:36:15.000 It's Persian.
02:36:20.000 Don't tell Maz Jobani that joke.
02:36:24.000 Bro, that's so racist.
02:36:25.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:36:26.000 Why does it have to be Persian?
02:36:27.000 Why can't it be Mexican?
02:36:28.000 Because go to Studio City.
02:36:30.000 That's why.
02:36:31.000 Go walk around there.
02:36:33.000 That didn't even look real.
02:36:35.000 Yeah.
02:36:36.000 When you see them on a large scale, you get a sense of what it really is.
02:36:40.000 When you see those fuckers, it's not trying to kill a frog.
02:36:43.000 No, it's just hanging out on top of a frog.
02:36:45.000 Wow.
02:36:45.000 They're like buddies.
02:36:46.000 It's like, I need a ride.
02:36:48.000 Wow.
02:36:49.000 Those things are amazing.
02:36:51.000 Actually, there's a lot of pictures of frogs and them being friends.
02:36:54.000 That is a gangster bug, but I kind of like that the tarantula jacked it.
02:36:58.000 Because that was a battle to the death, and tarantula won.
02:37:01.000 Tarantula will reverse position and sunk those teeth in there.
02:37:07.000 I wonder if in nature, though, who would have won.
02:37:09.000 Because it's camouflaged.
02:37:11.000 You know what I mean?
02:37:12.000 Because that was in a kitchen.
02:37:14.000 Yeah, it looked like they set that fight up.
02:37:15.000 Right.
02:37:17.000 Before they turned on the camera, they broke one of the manis' legs and were like, alright, go.
02:37:20.000 Yeah, I wonder if the praying mantis would go after something as big as a tarantula in the wild.
02:37:25.000 Yeah.
02:37:26.000 It seems like they're just so evil to go after anything that's in front of them.
02:37:29.000 The fucking things are attacking birds.
02:37:31.000 I know, and mice.
02:37:32.000 And mice.
02:37:33.000 And they win.
02:37:34.000 And a fucking cat?
02:37:35.000 It's just crazy.
02:37:36.000 Yeah, they don't give a fuck.
02:37:38.000 They go after cats.
02:37:39.000 Like, every animal has another animal they run from, where they go, whoa, shit, all right, I'm out of here.
02:37:45.000 Yeah.
02:37:45.000 I thought we owned this area.
02:37:46.000 That praying mantis didn't even try to fly away.
02:37:48.000 It has wings, right?
02:37:49.000 They have wings.
02:37:50.000 Yeah.
02:37:50.000 And it's like, nah, I'll just fucking take my chances here to get out.
02:37:55.000 Come on, cat.
02:37:56.000 Come on.
02:37:57.000 Yeah.
02:37:57.000 Come get some of this.
02:37:58.000 Come get some of this.
02:38:02.000 Stab your fucking stupid nose.
02:38:05.000 Just duking it out with this praying mantis on the sidewalk.
02:38:09.000 Dude, that's crazy.
02:38:11.000 Seriously, that's like you fighting a house.
02:38:14.000 Yeah.
02:38:14.000 That's like you fighting a giant elephant.
02:38:17.000 Right.
02:38:18.000 Like a semi-truck.
02:38:20.000 Come on!
02:38:21.000 You're smaller than...
02:38:22.000 You're bigger in comparison than you would be...
02:38:28.000 You know, if you were fighting an elephant, then that thing is to that cat.
02:38:30.000 What is this?
02:38:32.000 Wait till you see...
02:38:33.000 Do you see the mantis?
02:38:34.000 Oh, yeah.
02:38:35.000 He's like tucked away in there.
02:38:37.000 Like a flower.
02:38:39.000 What an evil fuck.
02:38:41.000 He's pretending to be a flower.
02:38:46.000 What a creepy ass fucking bug.
02:38:50.000 He looks exactly like the color of the flower.
02:38:53.000 Totally blended in.
02:38:54.000 And to hide is something beautiful, too.
02:38:56.000 Look at this.
02:38:57.000 That's what they say about the devil.
02:38:59.000 That's incredible.
02:39:01.000 And look at this fly.
02:39:02.000 Like, oh, you know, just hanging out.
02:39:04.000 Nothing.
02:39:04.000 Bitch!
02:39:06.000 Look how quick it did that.
02:39:07.000 You can't even see it.
02:39:10.000 Oh, and just eat your face.
02:39:12.000 Eat him live.
02:39:13.000 Damn.
02:39:14.000 Wow.
02:39:15.000 Dude, back that shit up so we can watch that one more time.
02:39:19.000 What a bizarre animal.
02:39:25.000 You really can't tell.
02:39:26.000 Yeah.
02:39:28.000 Brilliant.
02:39:29.000 Look how brilliant it is.
02:39:33.000 It looks so much...
02:39:34.000 I mean, even the highlights.
02:39:35.000 The pink highlights like a flower.
02:39:39.000 Oh, bitch, that's so fast.
02:39:42.000 That was so fast.
02:39:42.000 You can't see shit.
02:39:44.000 Oh, my God.
02:39:46.000 That's pretty.
02:39:47.000 It's beautiful.
02:39:48.000 That's like the most beautiful image.
02:39:51.000 Murder.
02:39:51.000 Yeah, the most beautiful video of something killing something ever.
02:39:55.000 I know.
02:39:56.000 The color is like the white with the blue.
02:39:59.000 Oh, my God, look at that one.
02:40:01.000 What?
02:40:01.000 That's incredible.
02:40:03.000 That is incredible.
02:40:06.000 It's like we're looking at this image from the rogue and evil.
02:40:10.000 Yeah, it's gorgeous.
02:40:11.000 To take shape as like one of the most beautiful images.
02:40:14.000 Yeah.
02:40:15.000 Like who doesn't like a flower?
02:40:17.000 And they did it perfect.
02:40:19.000 Like with perfect highlights.
02:40:21.000 Like I would have never thought, like if you showed me a photo of that and I didn't watch the video, I've never thought there was a praying mantis in there.
02:40:28.000 I would have bet you a lot of money.
02:40:30.000 What are the odds?
02:40:31.000 There's a praying mantis in there.
02:40:33.000 None.
02:40:33.000 Zero.
02:40:34.000 It's a flower.
02:40:35.000 You fucking idiot.
02:40:36.000 You don't even know what a mantis looks like.
02:40:37.000 Come on, you want to bet?
02:40:38.000 Where would it fit in that flower?
02:40:41.000 Don't be retarded.
02:40:42.000 You really think it can look that...
02:40:43.000 No, it looked exactly like it.
02:40:44.000 You know what that means?
02:40:45.000 If they were the size of humans, they'd be taking the shape of cheeseburgers and all kinds of stuff.
02:40:51.000 They would look like the guys from Duck Dynasty.
02:40:53.000 They'd be wearing camo.
02:40:55.000 Look at that.
02:40:56.000 I'm walking here.
02:40:57.000 Look at that.
02:40:58.000 Look at that.
02:40:59.000 That's so weird.
02:41:01.000 That's so weird that that's a real thing.
02:41:03.000 Why can't people do that?
02:41:05.000 We're lucky people can't do that.
02:41:07.000 They would be eating people the way the mantis is eating flies.
02:41:10.000 They just can't.
02:41:11.000 Just camouflage.
02:41:13.000 Yeah, that would not be good.
02:41:14.000 People would be hiding.
02:41:15.000 That's true.
02:41:15.000 Hiding in your bushes and shit.
02:41:16.000 There's like six people in here.
02:41:18.000 People would be blaming you.
02:41:20.000 Like that character on X-Men.
02:41:23.000 Mystique.
02:41:23.000 Yeah, Mystique.
02:41:24.000 How come they have a new Mystique and they didn't even bring that up, by the way?
02:41:27.000 How'd they go from Rebecca Romaine Stamos?
02:41:30.000 Age?
02:41:31.000 She got too old?
02:41:32.000 Oh, because it's like a prequel.
02:41:34.000 Yeah, doesn't matter.
02:41:35.000 It's a different person.
02:41:36.000 Don't they have CGI? They can turn one guy, you know, they can turn people into the Hulk, and you tell me you can't CGI that chick to look exactly like Rebecca Romaine Stamos?
02:41:45.000 Right.
02:41:46.000 Come on, son.
02:41:46.000 That evil fucking thing.
02:41:48.000 What's it eating there?
02:41:49.000 Ice cream.
02:41:50.000 I don't know what that is.
02:41:52.000 Looks like some sort of a bug.
02:41:53.000 It's pulling a pin off a grenade.
02:41:55.000 It's eating a turkey leg.
02:41:57.000 He's at the Renaissance.
02:41:59.000 Renaissance fair.
02:42:00.000 Renaissance fair bug.
02:42:02.000 I think the bug world is the creepiest world in all of nature.
02:42:06.000 Yeah.
02:42:06.000 Second only to the fish world.
02:42:08.000 Right.
02:42:09.000 The fish world's pretty creepy.
02:42:10.000 Bugs just look so creepy, and they're able to, like, they have multiple hands, tentacles, all these things.
02:42:16.000 Yeah.
02:42:17.000 And fish, because you know, you're like, well, if it's out of the water, it's over.
02:42:20.000 But a bug can just get in your bed, sneak in your house.
02:42:23.000 What's the world's largest bug?
02:42:25.000 That was a good question.
02:42:26.000 If you had to guess, who would you say the world's largest bug is?
02:42:29.000 The iPhone.
02:42:31.000 Mwah, you fucking baby.
02:42:33.000 World's largest bug.
02:42:35.000 Oh.
02:42:38.000 It's probably like some kind of cockroach.
02:42:39.000 I'll say beetle.
02:42:40.000 Yeah, that beetle.
02:42:41.000 That half-life thing.
02:42:43.000 Oh my god, it's enormous.
02:42:46.000 Oh my god.
02:42:47.000 Does it look like a pill bug?
02:42:49.000 It's so big.
02:42:50.000 This is a gross animal.
02:42:53.000 Look up, the world's biggest insect is so huge it eats carrots.
02:42:57.000 What?
02:42:58.000 It's so huge it eats carrots.
02:43:00.000 Look at this thing.
02:43:02.000 Whoa.
02:43:06.000 Exactly.
02:43:07.000 That's a great sound.
02:43:09.000 That's real.
02:43:11.000 It's a giant weta?
02:43:13.000 W-E-T-A? Came across a cricket-like creature which has a wingspan of seven inches after two days of searching on a tiny island, Lake Barrier Island in New Zealand.
02:43:26.000 It only lives there.
02:43:28.000 It was wiped off the mainland by rats accidentally introduced by Europeans.
02:43:34.000 Pull that picture up again, man.
02:43:36.000 Here's another one.
02:43:37.000 It's like a big grasshopper.
02:43:39.000 Jesus Christ, that thing's gross.
02:43:41.000 Gross.
02:43:41.000 It's like a crab or like a lobster or something, which are related, by the way.
02:43:46.000 See, I was thinking it was going to be something like this, which was like a pill bug, I thought.
02:43:51.000 That's pretty big, too.
02:43:52.000 Yeah.
02:43:53.000 That's a Madagascar hissing cockroach, isn't it?
02:43:57.000 I think that's what that is.
02:43:58.000 They get pretty big.
02:43:59.000 Didn't you eat one of those?
02:44:00.000 Yeah.
02:44:01.000 Yeah, I ate one of those.
02:44:04.000 Not that bad.
02:44:05.000 See, this is what I thought it was.
02:44:06.000 Like one of these things.
02:44:06.000 Oh, yeah, those creepy things.
02:44:08.000 They look like cephalopods or something like that.
02:44:10.000 Is that what those are called?
02:44:11.000 Like land otters.
02:44:13.000 Yeah.
02:44:13.000 Yeah, those things have been around for a long time.
02:44:15.000 Bad eating happens.
02:44:16.000 They live on Doritos.
02:44:18.000 Yeah.
02:44:19.000 They hate Cool Ranch.
02:44:20.000 It's the stoner variety.
02:44:21.000 What's the technical name for those things?
02:44:23.000 Does it say in that image?
02:44:28.000 Lossopod?
02:44:28.000 Lossopod?
02:44:30.000 Lossopod.
02:44:30.000 Remember that?
02:44:31.000 Isopod?
02:44:32.000 Isopod.
02:44:32.000 Isopod.
02:44:33.000 Yeah, that's it.
02:44:34.000 Jesus Christ.
02:44:35.000 Damn.
02:44:36.000 It's a lobster.
02:44:37.000 It's like a land lobster.
02:44:39.000 That's bigger, obviously.
02:44:41.000 So that must be the biggest.
02:44:43.000 But that has more than...
02:44:44.000 Isn't eight legs or more considered an arachnid?
02:44:47.000 Insect.
02:44:48.000 Insect is six?
02:44:49.000 Yeah, I don't know.
02:44:51.000 Is that how it works?
02:44:52.000 Insect being six?
02:44:53.000 Yeah.
02:44:53.000 That makes sense.
02:44:55.000 Like arachnid is spider.
02:44:59.000 By the way, this is Nick Yusuf's new CD. What is it called?
02:45:02.000 Oh yeah, I forgot about my own album.
02:45:04.000 It's called Stop Not Owning This.
02:45:07.000 Oh, that's a smart way to market it.
02:45:10.000 Yeah, really, Stop Not Owning It, ladies and gentlemen.
02:45:12.000 iTunes and allthingscomedy.com.
02:45:14.000 Please purchase it.
02:45:15.000 It's my first album, and I'm very proud of it.
02:45:17.000 Nick Yusuf, old school comedy store veteran.
02:45:20.000 Yeah!
02:45:21.000 Dude, you go back.
02:45:22.000 I know you from...
02:45:23.000 When did I meet you?
02:45:24.000 Probably met you in like...
02:45:25.000 Parking lot of the comedy store in 2008. Two, three?
02:45:30.000 You used to work there.
02:45:32.000 Oh, yeah.
02:45:32.000 You did the whole stint, like Ari, like a lot of guys.
02:45:34.000 Oh, yeah.
02:45:35.000 That's how I met Ari.
02:45:36.000 Duncan.
02:45:37.000 I worked the phones.
02:45:38.000 He was the talent coordinator.
02:45:39.000 Ha!
02:45:40.000 Duncan did the full stint.
02:45:41.000 Oh, I know.
02:45:42.000 That's a good stint for comics.
02:45:43.000 That's the one place where a comic can get a job, like doing comedy, being surrounded by degenerates on a constant basis, and eventually become a professional comedian to have his own comedy CD. Exactly, yeah.
02:45:54.000 I love those stories, man.
02:45:56.000 I love watching guys come up in LA. That was one of the few places where you'd see guys come up.
02:46:02.000 Joey Diaz is starting to do the Comedy Store again.
02:46:04.000 I love that, man.
02:46:05.000 This is a strange dilemma.
02:46:08.000 Since Tommy has decided to...
02:46:11.000 Part ways with the comedy story.
02:46:13.000 Move on to the next stage of existence.
02:46:17.000 We did a great Ice House Chronicles Friday, by the way.
02:46:20.000 I heard.
02:46:20.000 I mean, Tammy Pascatelli, Hannibal Behrs, I mean, everybody came in because everyone wanted to talk about it.
02:46:25.000 It was ridiculous.
02:46:26.000 Everybody wanted to talk about how ridiculous Tommy was?
02:46:28.000 Yeah.
02:46:31.000 Yeah, it's a great episode.
02:46:32.000 Did anyone defend him?
02:46:35.000 You know, everyone kind of somewhat defended him as being, you know, like this mysterious person and it's probably going to be the end of that part of the comedy store where it's like, ooh, it's haunted and oh, Mitzi.
02:46:47.000 But I think, you know, I showed a couple of the videos that I made and I think that kind of silenced everyone.
02:46:55.000 Like, yeah, he was crazy.
02:46:57.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:46:58.000 Well, here's the deal, though.
02:47:00.000 To take that job and to try to keep up the legacy of that famed institution of insanity, you've got to be a little crazy.
02:47:09.000 Nobody else wants that job.
02:47:10.000 Nobody else would have done that job.
02:47:12.000 They would have turned it into some sort of a corporate whatever, you know, fill-in-the-blank sugar shack.
02:47:18.000 The sunset chuckle hut.
02:47:18.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:47:19.000 I mean, it could have easily been something that it isn't.
02:47:22.000 What it is is a very, very bizarre place.
02:47:25.000 Like, as far as comedy clubs go, one of the most bizarre places of all time, and one of the most historical comedy clubs ever in the world.
02:47:33.000 Oh, yeah.
02:47:34.000 As far as the art of stand-up comedy, how many historical comedy clubs rival the Comedy Store?
02:47:40.000 Very few, because it's in the same location.
02:47:42.000 You know, you have, like, a few other ones, like the Ice House that's older.
02:47:46.000 You have the Comedy Magic Club, which is older, the Laugh Factory, which has a lot of historical significance, but...
02:47:52.000 Laugh Factory is not the same.
02:47:54.000 The Laugh Factory is not just...
02:47:56.000 It's a good club.
02:47:56.000 It's a great club to work at.
02:47:57.000 But as far as a place where when you're there, you're like, holy shit, I'm at the goddamn comedy store.
02:48:04.000 That was the mecca.
02:48:05.000 Because the store produced comics.
02:48:08.000 It was where the Ice House and the other ones just had them come through.
02:48:12.000 Exactly.
02:48:13.000 Yeah, the store is one of the only places that produce comics, all because of Mitzi.
02:48:17.000 You know, that lady, she helped a lot of comedians, me included.
02:48:22.000 She helped a lot of comedians.
02:48:24.000 I think if they just keep the open mics as strong as it is there, I mean, like Sundays and Mondays there, you know, they have a really good open mic program.
02:48:33.000 Kill Tony on top of that is, you know, really good for the open mics.
02:48:36.000 I think you'll still be able to make new comics there, and it will still be a good place for comics to start.
02:48:41.000 Hiring comics as employees, letting them kind of graduate through the system.
02:48:45.000 Yeah, and now that, you know, you've removed some of the crazy aspect as far as, like, the real negative crazy...
02:48:50.000 There was just too much ego and madness and just too much intolerable madness is the best way to describe it.
02:48:58.000 You're not dealing with rational people.
02:49:00.000 You're dealing with someone who's intolerably crazy.
02:49:02.000 And it's not that the whole intolerable crew is removed.
02:49:06.000 There's still some intolerable behind the scenes folks.
02:49:09.000 But it's way better now.
02:49:11.000 It's at least gotten 50% better.
02:49:12.000 And that other group, you never see ever, ever, ever there.
02:49:17.000 Yeah, it doesn't matter.
02:49:19.000 Yeah.
02:49:19.000 And you could also go online and see when they're out of town.
02:49:24.000 Yeah, but that makes you seem like a stalker.
02:49:26.000 You know, I love the improv, man.
02:49:28.000 I did one thing that changed my act quite a bit is when I left the store and I started doing the improv.
02:49:34.000 I found audiences that aren't heckling.
02:49:37.000 They're not constantly heckling.
02:49:39.000 They actually have crowd control.
02:49:41.000 And then I also noticed that they have two shows at night.
02:49:44.000 They do an 8 o'clock show and a 10 o'clock show, which is way better for the audience's attention span.
02:49:48.000 And it made me realize the comedy store is lifting weights with a weight vest on running up a hill.
02:49:55.000 You know?
02:49:55.000 Right.
02:49:56.000 When you get through that place, the great thing about that is you go anywhere else and you're fucking golden.
02:50:00.000 Yeah.
02:50:01.000 The regular audiences will be so much easier than the audiences that you deal with on a weekly basis at the store.
02:50:07.000 Oh, yeah.
02:50:07.000 Going up after 12 comics, five, six of them are just crushing.
02:50:13.000 The crowd's drunk.
02:50:14.000 They've been there for three hours.
02:50:15.000 And if anything topical happens, by the time you get up on stage, it's been discussed 50 fucking times.
02:50:21.000 There was one time when Ari was working there, and the Chinese fighter pilot crashed with an American fighter jet, and the guy's name was Wong Wei.
02:50:32.000 That was his name.
02:50:33.000 W-O-N-G-W-E-I. Everybody did a joke on it.
02:50:36.000 Nobody saw anybody else's set, but everybody came in and did a Wong Wei.
02:50:41.000 Is this real life?
02:50:42.000 Wong Wei.
02:50:43.000 Do you know what the guy's name was?
02:50:44.000 Wong Wei.
02:50:45.000 And at a certain point in time, the audience is like, are we being trolled?
02:50:47.000 Is this like an inside joke?
02:50:49.000 Do they not know that everybody before them has done a Wong Wei joke?
02:50:53.000 Right.
02:50:54.000 Even crowd work sometimes.
02:50:55.000 Yes.
02:50:56.000 If you go up, like, where are you from?
02:50:57.000 And someone else will answer it.
02:50:59.000 He's from Lancaster.
02:51:00.000 How the fuck did you know?
02:51:02.000 Because he's been asked 10 times.
02:51:04.000 I love the fact that this happened because it seems like a lot of comics are coming back to this place that didn't really want to come here.
02:51:10.000 By the way, Tosh wanted to apologize for shaking your hand weird last time you saw him.
02:51:15.000 Daniel?
02:51:16.000 Yeah.
02:51:16.000 What?
02:51:17.000 But it was cool seeing Tosh and seeing...
02:51:19.000 What?
02:51:19.000 Yeah, he said, tell Rogan I'm sorry about how I shook your hand.
02:51:22.000 What is he talking about?
02:51:24.000 He's an interesting guy.
02:51:25.000 He's a great guy.
02:51:27.000 I love that dude.
02:51:28.000 He didn't shake my hand weird at all.
02:51:30.000 I don't know what he's talking about.
02:51:31.000 He told me to say that too.
02:51:33.000 Comics are super sensitive, man.
02:51:35.000 Comics are super sensitive.
02:51:36.000 There's weird shit that'll stick in a comic's head.
02:51:39.000 Yeah.
02:52:01.000 Some comics are super sensitive.
02:52:03.000 Oh, yeah.
02:52:04.000 Because you want to be liked and respected, and you're just always worried about saying the wrong thing.
02:52:10.000 Because no one knows who you are yet, and you're just like, I want to make friends, make a good first impression.
02:52:15.000 Yeah.
02:52:15.000 But a guy like Daniel Tosh, he shouldn't be so sensitive.
02:52:18.000 That's weird.
02:52:19.000 Multi-millionaire.
02:52:20.000 I know.
02:52:21.000 Awesome, beautiful man.
02:52:22.000 He's a good dude.
02:52:23.000 He's fun to be around, too.
02:52:25.000 He's hilarious, too.
02:52:26.000 He's like Kander.
02:52:27.000 We talked to him about other comedians and shit.
02:52:30.000 He was ragging on this one comedian that he's had difficulties with.
02:52:33.000 It was goddamn hilarious.
02:52:35.000 Brian Callen and I were crying laughing.
02:52:36.000 It was really funny.
02:52:38.000 That's funny.
02:52:38.000 It's very interesting.
02:52:40.000 But the improv has guys like that.
02:52:42.000 They're there all the time.
02:52:43.000 I wonder if guys like that will start showing up at the store now, too.
02:52:46.000 Yeah, David Spade was there yesterday.
02:52:48.000 Did he do a set?
02:52:49.000 Is he doing stand-up again?
02:52:50.000 I guess so.
02:52:51.000 How was it?
02:52:52.000 It was alright.
02:52:53.000 He was working on a couple new bits.
02:52:54.000 He had notes up there with him.
02:52:56.000 But he had some funny stuff about going skiing for the first time.
02:53:00.000 He had a story on that.
02:53:02.000 The names of all the slopes were these...
02:53:06.000 Horrifying, like, evil names.
02:53:07.000 Like, Hitler's abortion was one of them.
02:53:09.000 Just stuff like that.
02:53:10.000 It was really funny.
02:53:11.000 But you could tell he's, like, developing it.
02:53:13.000 And it's, like...
02:53:14.000 It's interesting to see him.
02:53:15.000 Right.
02:53:16.000 When he would do stand-up live.
02:53:17.000 Well, he probably, like, took some time off doing a lot of TV and movies and shit.
02:53:22.000 And then a lot of those guys, they lose their chops, man.
02:53:24.000 They don't...
02:53:25.000 They have, like, a hard struggle to try to get back.
02:53:28.000 Yeah.
02:53:28.000 You know, getting back...
02:53:29.000 Norm MacDonald's been there a few times.
02:53:31.000 Yeah, Norm's been coming there.
02:53:32.000 I love him.
02:53:32.000 I love Norm MacDonald.
02:53:34.000 If he comes, I'll kidnap him and drag him to this podcast studio.
02:53:37.000 I love Norm.
02:53:39.000 I'd love to do it, but what time?
02:53:41.000 What time does that say?
02:53:45.000 He's a character, man.
02:53:47.000 He's a character.
02:53:47.000 We were on a plane with him once, and all the way on the plane, he's talking about how he quit smoking.
02:53:52.000 Yeah, yeah, quit smoking.
02:53:54.000 He lands, immediately goes and buys cigarettes.
02:53:57.000 Brian, let me buy my cigarette.
02:54:00.000 He immediately ran and got a pack of cigarettes and he was outside.
02:54:04.000 I guess I'm smoking again.
02:54:06.000 That's so funny.
02:54:08.000 But the funniest guys are like that, man.
02:54:11.000 They're just nutty.
02:54:12.000 They're just nutty.
02:54:14.000 That comes with the territory, right?
02:54:17.000 So have you been asked a million times if you'll go back to the comedy store?
02:54:21.000 At least ten.
02:54:23.000 Not a million, but at least ten.
02:54:25.000 Do Friday kill Tony?
02:54:27.000 No, that's not happening.
02:54:29.000 That's not happening.
02:54:30.000 But I'm happy.
02:54:32.000 I'm happy that the place will get more normal.
02:54:34.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:54:35.000 That's for sure.
02:54:36.000 And this will be more relaxed.
02:54:38.000 There's just too much insanity there with that guy running shit.
02:54:40.000 Absolutely.
02:54:41.000 He was...
02:54:42.000 You know, I don't hate the guy, but there's just certain levels of intolerable bullshit where you're just like, okay, you're too crazy.
02:54:51.000 You're too crazy to run this.
02:54:54.000 Matter of time.
02:54:56.000 Well, you know, that clip.
02:54:58.000 I'm more talented than anyone here.
02:55:01.000 I'm the most talented person in this building.
02:55:05.000 Yeah.
02:55:06.000 You don't know how much power and money is behind me.
02:55:09.000 The building likes me.
02:55:15.000 I'm so happy.
02:55:19.000 Someone was saying it would have been great if the way they fired him was they bring him into an office and they go like, well, it's not just that, Tommy.
02:55:27.000 They start with that and then they fire him.
02:55:30.000 It's just not that.
02:55:31.000 Then he goes, no, it's not that.
02:55:33.000 It is just that this time.
02:55:35.000 You're done.
02:55:35.000 How much touring are you doing?
02:55:38.000 Not as much as I'd like, but I'm going to Chicago with Ari at the end of August.
02:55:45.000 Oh shit, oh shit.
02:55:47.000 Where are you guys going?
02:55:48.000 Zany's downtown.
02:55:49.000 That's a good spot.
02:55:50.000 Yeah, we're doing one night and we're going to hang out in the city for a couple days.
02:55:54.000 Beautiful.
02:55:55.000 I open for Bobby still, which is good.
02:55:58.000 Bobby Lee?
02:55:59.000 Bobby Lee, yeah.
02:56:00.000 Beautiful.
02:56:01.000 He's a good dude.
02:56:02.000 Yeah, he really is.
02:56:03.000 He's one of those guys that is good to younger people.
02:56:08.000 A lot of guys get to the top or wherever and then they either quit stand-up or they don't have any time for newer guys and stuff.
02:56:16.000 But he's always been super cool.
02:56:18.000 Yeah, he got shit on a little bit when he was coming up, you know?
02:56:22.000 So I think because of that, you know, he had a bunch of issues with guys that he was working with that either didn't pay him or fucked with him.
02:56:30.000 So he's super nice to people that are coming up now.
02:56:35.000 Yeah, it's pretty great.
02:56:36.000 He takes care of comics and he gives way new comics that are like, oh, I'd like to open for you on a local thing.
02:56:42.000 And he'll let him have a few minutes just because he knows, he remembers what that was like, doing not an open mic of any kind.
02:56:50.000 There's going to be 80 people there, like 200. And he's like, because it'll be like something local, and he's like, yeah, if I can come down and do five minutes.
02:56:59.000 Yeah, camaraderie between comics is one of the coolest things.
02:57:02.000 Yeah.
02:57:03.000 It's one of the coolest things, because it's one of the things about the store as well, is the store, because everybody, we're all hung out there, like it really fostered that sort of camaraderie.
02:57:12.000 Yeah.
02:57:13.000 It was so much fun just in that back parking lot area, just the hilarious conversations that we've had back there.
02:57:19.000 Yeah.
02:57:19.000 It was a mad, mad club.
02:57:22.000 Are we running out of time?
02:57:22.000 Three minutes left?
02:57:24.000 Three minutes and we turn it into a pumpkin.
02:57:25.000 So everybody go buy Nick Yusuf's new CD. And it is, what is it called?
02:57:31.000 Why?
02:57:32.000 Stop Not Owning This.
02:57:34.000 Stop Not Owning This.
02:57:35.000 And is it available on iTunes?
02:57:37.000 It is on iTunes and allthingscomedy.com.
02:57:40.000 For those of you who hate iTunes, I also get more money if you buy it on allthingscomedy.com.
02:57:45.000 But if you're an iTunes guy, totally go there.
02:57:47.000 It's on there.
02:57:48.000 Rate it and review it.
02:57:49.000 I think that helps, right?
02:57:51.000 Yes.
02:57:51.000 Yeah, it'll definitely help.
02:57:52.000 And this will help too.
02:57:53.000 So Nick Yusef, follow him on Twitter.
02:57:55.000 It's Y-O-U-S-S-E-F. That's Y-O-U-S-S-E-F. And Nick is spelled normal.
02:58:03.000 N-I-C-K. Nothing crazy.
02:58:05.000 Yeah.
02:58:06.000 A cue.
02:58:07.000 A cue.
02:58:08.000 Well, hey, man.
02:58:09.000 Thanks for doing this.
02:58:10.000 This was fun, man.
02:58:10.000 We've got to do it more often.
02:58:11.000 Yeah.
02:58:12.000 Definitely, right?
02:58:13.000 We learned so much about praying, man.
02:58:14.000 This isn't all such great shit.
02:58:15.000 We did.
02:58:16.000 I didn't know anything about it.
02:58:17.000 This was fun.
02:58:17.000 It was actually sort of like work in some way.
02:58:20.000 Right.
02:58:20.000 I think we hijacked the system.
02:58:22.000 Nick Yusuf, ladies and gentlemen.
02:58:23.000 Powerful Nick Yusuf.
02:58:24.000 Thank you, guys.
02:58:25.000 Please go out and buy his shit.
02:58:26.000 He's a very funny comedian.
02:58:28.000 Thanks to our sponsors.
02:58:29.000 Let me pull them up because I don't have it on my thing anymore.
02:58:32.000 Squarespace.com.
02:58:33.000 Yeah, Squarespace.
02:58:35.000 Thanks to Squarespace for just nothing but positive feedback.
02:58:39.000 I haven't heard one person say anything bad about Squarespace, which is a beautiful thing.
02:58:42.000 And if you go to squarespace.com forward slash Rogan, is that it?
02:58:48.000 No.
02:58:49.000 Squarespace.com, entering the code word Joe.
02:58:52.000 So for a free trial and 10% off your first purchase, go to squarespace.com and enter in the code word Joe.
02:58:59.000 And thanks also to...
02:59:01.000 Who else do we have today?
02:59:02.000 Ting.
02:59:03.000 Ting.
02:59:03.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and save $25 off of any of these new fantastic cell phone devices that Ting sells.
02:59:10.000 That's rogan.ting.com, the official cell phone provider for the Joe Rogan Experience podcast.
02:59:15.000 Thanks also to Onnit.com.
02:59:16.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements.
02:59:22.000 Tomorrow, Shooter Jennings, son of the great Waylon Jennings.
02:59:24.000 That's right, bitches.
02:59:26.000 Respect.
02:59:27.000 Until then, much love and big kisses.
02:59:31.000 See ya.