While in Denver last week, we were schooled on the wonders of this new activity that a lot of you folks are engaging in called Fantasy Football. It s basically the premise of our friend Steve Renazizi's show, The League... Dungeons & Dragons for Jocks. Yes, Dungeons and Dragons for people who are really into sports. And it was sad seeing him scramble to make his picks. But... I know people are into it, and Football season is just around the corner, and you can get your piece of $5 million during Kickoff Week 1 at Draftkings, America s favorite 1-week fantasy football site. You ve already been scouting players and doing research for your season-long team, so you can use that knowledge to actually win cash the first week of the season. Don t miss out on Week 1 excitement! Reserve your spot now at DFS, where you can win a FREE entry into the $5M kickoff bash. That s right, you re getting a chance to win $5,000 starting in Week 1. That's $100,000! That s $100 and you get a chance at $200,000 in FREE entry! You re not going to get any better than that! That s not even close to what you get when you reserve your spot. You re getting paid for Week 1! You ll get a free entry into Week 1 with promo code ROGAN! Enter the promo code RBOGAN and you re gonna get a $5k prize! and you ll get $100 in FREE entries into the Millionaire s Ball Game of Thrones-themed fantasy football tournament. And that s the next episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, where Joe Rogans Podcast by day, by night, all day. . And you ll win a $100k! And it s gonna be a good one! If you like the show, you ll be the first to know what s going to be going on in the Big Dawgs by the end of the week. I ll tell you what that s going on there! Thanks for tuning in! -- and I ll be back next week with a new episode of What's Cracking? -- CHECK OUT THE PODCASTING! -- CHEERS -- PATREON BECAUSE JOE RODAN AND THE BOYS ARE TALKING ABOUT IT! -- EPISODE LINKED IN!
00:00:46.000I know people are into it, and football season is just around the corner.
00:00:49.000And you can get your piece of $5 million during kickoff week at DraftKings.com, America's favorite one-week fantasy football site.
00:00:58.000Now, I don't know much about fantasy football, but I'm going to have to learn about it now, because Jamie completely perplexed me this past week.
00:01:04.000Greg Fitzsimmons is here, and he wrote a Doors logo like we're in high school, and he wrote it on his fucking...
00:01:09.000Remember we used to do those Van Halen things with the wings?
00:01:16.000Everybody used to do that in their notebooks.
00:01:18.000Anyway, DraftKings for fantasy football, folks.
00:01:22.000You've already been scouting players and doing research for your season-long team, so you can use that knowledge to actually win cash the first week of the season at DraftKings.com.
00:01:31.000Last year, one player turned $11 into $4,000 in one weekend.
00:04:03.000Well, one of my best friends, we used to sit in the back row, baked, in eighth grade, and he would draw on desks, you know, shit like the Doors logos and all that, and I was the class clown.
00:04:14.000And now, like, all these years later, he's one of the top record designers in the country.
00:06:02.000That opening song, I started laughing so fucking hard, and then I looked around the theater, and people come in, and they know it's Matt Stone and Trey Parker, so they're like, all right, this is going to be shocking.
00:06:54.000Dude, when they did that fucking South Park movie and Satan and Saddam Hussein were in bed together and you see Satan's dick and they're allowed to show his dick because it's fake.
00:07:17.000One of the reasons why they get away with putting all their shit in the movies is they put a bunch of stuff in the movies that are so fucked up that they have some bargaining tools.
00:07:25.000They'll cut out some of this other stuff that they weren't planning on putting in there anyway.
00:07:28.000Have you ever seen the full sex scene between the two puppets in Team America?
00:09:28.000So, if you get fat enough, there is a key to aging where if you can put enough fat into your face, it's like Botox and you don't wrinkle and you kind of have that youthful glow because you're just filled with oil.
00:09:40.000You know, William Schachner allegedly does that on purpose.
00:10:30.000He did this thing where he says, I'll just stay up for weeks and do coke, and then one they go, Sam, you're just not the guy that you were when I met you, and I'm sorry, but I have to go.
00:11:53.000If you never heard Kinison, go download Louder Than Hell.
00:11:58.000It was so offensive that Warner Brothers never released it as a CD. It's like one of the greatest comedy albums ever, but it's only on cassette.
00:20:31.000Pull up Hunter Thompson on David Letterman.
00:20:34.000It's kind of like life is about finding that line where you are pushing yourself and you are finding your edge, but you're not burning yourself out.
00:27:35.000It's almost like, say if you had a job that really sucked and you worked for like a week, saved up all your money, and then you went to the casino and you blew it in five seconds.
00:28:02.000Well, I can remember being young enough where I'd hook up with a one-night stand, shit-faced, get it done, never had a problem getting it done, always closed.
00:28:12.000And then waking up in the morning still drunk and then going for the morning sex and feeling good about it because then after, there's no hangover after the morning sex.
00:28:45.000Those years, whenever you get out of the house, whenever you're paying your own bills, whenever you have a job, you're like, I guess I'm an adult now.
00:28:56.000And you're deciding when you go to bed?
00:28:58.000Yeah, in a way you feel like an adult and in a way you feel like a little child because that little child gets to play and explore the night.
00:29:05.000Like, you know, all of a sudden at 4.30 in the morning, you're not like, now if I'm up at 4.30 in the morning, I'm like, how the fuck do I get to bed as soon as possible?
00:29:26.000And then it's like you mortgaged your house, and then on top of the mortgage, when the coke comes into the picture, it's like now you're just taking out loans from Shylocks now.
00:29:36.000Now you're going to the worst loan sharks, and you're like, listen, listen, listen.
00:38:28.000Well, if you think about it, if you had no value on human life, and everyone's trying to go for the biggest orgasm you can get, whether it's doing coke, grabbing your own balls, cock ring, but think about blowing somebody's head off as you came.
00:38:44.000That would probably be, if you were like a total psychopath, that would probably be the end all.
00:38:50.000Be like coming and taking at the same time.
00:38:54.000Putting human life into her as you take it out of her.
00:38:58.000And then imagining that your loads actually got her pregnant, and that that kid would be born to a body that just died, would be conceived to a body that just died, right when the loads get to the egg, the loads crack open the egg, and they're like, sorry boys, the factory's been shut down,
00:39:34.000That's the number one debate when it comes to abortion.
00:39:37.000It's not whether or not women should have to keep the baby and get pregnant.
00:39:41.000The real debate is when is it actually a person?
00:39:44.000Because I don't think it's a person when it's two cells.
00:39:46.000You know, I think if you see two cells there, and those two cells could grow to become a person, I feel like if you snuff those two cells right now, there and then, you're good.
00:39:57.000I don't feel like you killed somebody.
00:39:59.000But if it gets to be like six months, and it's inside the woman's body and could live outside of her womb, is that a baby?
00:41:50.000I don't think it's any of our business, but as far as that, as far as whether or not a woman should be able to end this life form inside of her body.
00:42:00.000Why do we have this desire to pretend that it's something other than a person?
00:42:04.000Like, I got in this argument with this dude on Twitter, this comic.
00:44:00.000Well, I'm offended whenever anyone tries to lump any discussion of any subject into one of those categories where you can't question it.
00:44:09.000Or one of those categories where it's not open to discussion, that there is a certain acceptable opinion on it that you're supposed to have as an intelligent person, as a progressive, you're supposed to have one opinion.
00:44:20.000And if you question it at all, deviate outside of that one opinion at all, you are a piece of shit.
00:45:10.000It's like, you know, abortion being something that is in the hands of women exclusively is a fucking weird situation because ultimately the man is involved.
00:45:21.000So can we at least have an opinion about it?
00:45:25.000Well, you know, even if you have an opinion about it, I mean, I'm not calling for an opinion that I should have any opinion as to whether or not a woman should do it.
00:46:34.000So, I mean, I think that that's the thing about abortion is if you shroud it in shame, which the Republicans do and which women are owning and absorbing, they shouldn't internalize it.
00:46:44.000They should say, no, I've had abortions.
00:46:47.000I don't think it's any of our business.
00:46:50.000I think the thing about asking someone if they've had an abortion is like, you're asking a very intimate question to someone where it's probably an opinion or a decision that they had to make where maybe it wasn't a happy time.
00:47:06.000So you're asking them to tell you, some person that they've never met, that they have this dark memory, that they have this thing in their life that they're not happy with.
00:47:15.000Just because everybody has an opinion, or just because someone has an abortion, it doesn't mean that the way they look at that abortion is a happy thing, or a relief, or something that they would do again.
00:47:29.000But it's been framed as a political issue, and so that personal thing that they don't want to talk about, if they never talk about it, they're not going to be able to do that personal thing.
00:48:29.000Like, how many women here like taking it in the ass?
00:48:32.000And I thought, and a couple actually clapped and yelled, and I was thinking, any girl who would clap and yell, when that question comes up, how many women like taking it in the ass?
00:48:39.000Like, that's a girl who really likes taking it in the ass.
00:48:42.000I mean, she's completely comfortable with it when she's like, look, I'm the girl.
00:49:07.000That rare person that likes it in the ass.
00:49:09.000Because some guys, you're afraid to even try it with your wife, you know?
00:49:12.000You could go 20 years and then all of a sudden, maybe on your 50th anniversary, you try to stick it in her ass and she's like, thank you, finally!
00:50:23.000I talked to a friend of mine who got divorced, and he's a comedian, and he's got, you know, he's got enough celebrity where he can, and he said, Greg, they all want it in the ass now.
00:50:53.000They just get bored and they just do whatever they can do.
00:50:58.000After you do a certain amount of porn, I mean, I would imagine if you've done porn for like 10 years, just the thought of just having regular sex is probably so boring to you.
00:51:08.000That's when they want to put on flippers and shit and fucking snorkels and fuck in the tub.
00:51:15.000Yeah, they want to put pinwheels on their nipples and, you know, put a bullet, you know, one of those target signs on their asshole and have the guy run across them.
00:52:02.000Yeah, I was thinking, man, that's probably one of the toughest jobs for people to forget you from.
00:52:08.000Say, if you were the host of American Bandstand, and you were on TV for a long time doing American Bandstand...
00:52:17.000You know, you could quit, and millions of people saw you on American Bandstand, and within a decade, nobody would really hold it against you that you were on American Bandstand.
00:52:26.000They won't define you by that job, but if you're a chick that's been involved in multiple gangbangs with these huge dicks and just fucking lube all over you and guys making you gag and your mascara's running, that almost never leaves you.
00:52:42.000For a woman, it almost never leaves you.
00:52:45.000Tracy Lord might be the only one that got close to escaping.
00:56:54.000Well, you better really enjoy that night.
00:56:57.000Women in the past have used pumping parties to enhance the sizes of their butts, but lately more and more men have been doing it to their penises.
00:57:07.000Oh, I've heard about women getting, you know, they go to like Spanish Harlem and they go to like a storefront upstairs and they inject caulk and then it petrifies and they've got these hard lips.
00:57:19.000Alright, Jeremy, I'll show you an actual guy that has silicone in his dick from a porn video.
00:57:27.000If there was a legitimate method for penile lengthening, Johnson& Johnson or Pfizer would have bought it up and made billions and billions of dollars worldwide.
00:57:34.000The fact that they don't means it doesn't exist.
00:57:38.000So what they're saying, though, is this is not...
00:58:14.000He's the one that also talked about it.
00:58:16.000We've talked about it many times on different podcasts before.
00:58:19.000Supposedly, it is a thing in the industry that people pump their dick up with like this shit.
00:58:23.000I can't imagine that it would work, though.
00:58:25.000It doesn't make any sense that it would make it...
00:58:27.000Look, I'm telling you, if you see Lexington Steel's dick, and I'm not saying go look for it, but you will, and if you do, you're going to go, oh, that ain't fake.
00:58:35.000That is not a big fake, siliconed up weirdo dick like a fake lip.
01:00:20.000There's a thing that people do where they drive for long trips and they'll put food on their grill or on the engine block, like wrap it in aluminum foil, put it on the engine block and cook it as they're driving and then pull over and eat the food.
01:00:37.000You can take a tilapia, a little slice of butter, some garlic salt...
01:00:42.000Put that bitch up in there, fold it nice, put it on your engine block, and then the other one, you roll up some asparagus, put that also in the aluminum foil, and then drive a couple of hours, pull over, and have a nice dinner.
01:00:53.000I wonder how long it would take to cook like that.
01:02:37.000Now I'm trying to think if I did do it backwards, or if I rolled down a hill backwards and then turned around in the intersection and pulled it out.
01:02:43.000I did it so many fucking times, I don't remember, but I had this Audi Fox...
01:05:16.000Yeah, I don't remember because I don't remember what year it was, but during those days, it was probably a mix of construction work and probably delivering newspapers still then.
01:05:29.000Yeah, I was delivering newspapers even before I had the Audi.
01:05:32.000I started newspapers right out of high school.
01:05:50.000I stopped and got out if I made a bad throw, and there were certain houses that they demanded that you put it inside their door, which is really annoying.
01:10:01.000But the real deal is, a backpack's better than a purse, and you're allowed to wear a backpack.
01:10:05.000Like, if a guy has a backpack on, and, you know, you run into some friends, and one of them happens to be a girl, nobody gives you a hard time, but if you had a fucking purse on, they'd be like, what's up, bitch?
01:10:22.000And if you are a guy and you have a purse, you gotta carry it like this, like, out to the side, as if it's a head that you just cut off with a fucking sword.
01:10:29.000Like it's smelly garbage you're bringing out to the curb.
01:10:32.000Yeah, I'm carrying this because I'm going to get some pussy at the end of this fucking journey.
01:10:36.000I got this in my hand and when I bring it back to her, I'm going to fuck the life out of her.
01:10:40.000Every second I hold this, there's another second I'm inside of her skull with my shaft.
01:10:45.000And plus, you could do some good shoulder exercises, just do some hand-offs as you walk with the purse, because a lot of chicks have fucking heavy purses.
01:10:53.000You know, you can get a lot of shit done.
01:10:55.000The bigger the purse, the crazier the woman also.
01:11:01.000Yeah, but those chicks that have, like, little tiny, like, clutches, those are the chicks that can just fucking, they'll come over your house, fuck you, and they'll, all right, take care, I gotta hit the airport.
01:14:47.000I would think the last thing you would want is a bunch of inmates with insane cardio that have been breaking rocks all day.
01:14:53.000Because if you have a fucking sledgehammer and you're swinging that bitch all day, breaking rocks, my God, are you going to get in insane shape.
01:15:59.000Because you're digging into that dirt, you're forcing it in with your legs, you're digging it up, you're hoisting it up, and then boom.
01:16:04.000And then it, there's like, he goes, if you look at the motion of like digging a hole, he's like, all of that, it's like an excellent workout.
01:16:11.000It's like you're forcing, you're using your legs, you're using your arms, you're using your shoulders and your back, you're digging, you're bending down, you're picking it up.
01:16:55.000You're swinging a hammer all day, a sledgehammer, breaking rocks, and you're doing it five days a week or whatever they make those guys work?
01:17:00.000See, they need to combine the gym with actual industry.
01:17:05.000Like, what if you really did need rocks broken up?
01:17:08.000Bring them to Gold's Gym, dump them out back, have people come out and cross-train by hitting the rocks, hook up all the cardio machines to a generator so you're getting the electricity out of it, turn the gym into a working energy and production machine.
01:17:24.000Do you know how much cardio you would have to do to generate any energy?
01:17:47.000But the amount of force that you would have to do, like on an elliptical machine, just to keep your iPhone running, I don't know if you could do it.
01:18:08.000I would think that if that was the case, there would be all sorts of mechanical workarounds for electricity.
01:18:15.000I think that would be something that someone would have thought of a long time ago.
01:18:19.000Imagine if you could get your day's worth of electricity.
01:18:23.000All by doing a 20-minute session on your elliptical machine every day.
01:18:27.000So every day, not only did you force yourself to get a good exercise in to start your day, but when you bank it like that, it stores electricity and it powers your entire house for the day.
01:18:38.000That would be badass, and eventually we get to the point where we all have, like, where they get ions small enough where everyone's got a battery pack.
01:18:45.000You've got a fanny pack that's got a battery in it, and you've got to work out in the morning to charge that motherfucker, and then when you go to work, your computer plugs in there.
01:18:53.000It's just got a giant plug, and then you fill it yourself.
01:18:56.000If you don't have enough juice at the end of the day, you don't fucking work on your computer.
01:25:03.000And there was a lot of shows that would be like Friends, Seinfeld, and that show would be in the middle.
01:25:09.000And they would call it the Shit Sandwich Spot.
01:25:11.000That's what Paul Simms used to call it because it's like these amazing shows, and then in between these amazing shows would be like Sex and the City.
01:25:33.000I think they might have launched it there and then take...
01:25:36.000Because that's their goal is that's where they plant the seed, they let it grow, and then they transplant it hopefully to a Tuesday or a Wednesday where that becomes an anchor for other shows.
01:25:46.000And they can do that now way better because people can alert people that the time slots changed.
01:25:50.000But back then, no one knew what the fuck was going on.
01:25:53.000Unless you had TV Guide, you didn't know when the time slot was...
01:25:58.000Also, you're taking advantage of the lead-in.
01:26:02.000Thursday night was must-see TV. People put it on at 8 o'clock and they turned it off at 10 o'clock.
01:26:06.000Yeah, and it was a tradition for some strange reason, like a Thursday night tradition.
01:26:10.000Mostly because there was great shows like Seinfeld and I think Cheers was a Thursday night show too originally, right?
01:26:16.000So it's always been traditionally their spot.
01:26:19.000There's a great book Warren Littlefield wrote called Top of the Rock that's the history of Thursday Night Must See TV. It talks about just, I mean, you realize how random things happen, like the casting of Friends could have gone eight different ways.
01:26:36.000So you've got three or four actors going in for a role in one day, and the fact that they picked Jennifer Aniston, the fact that they nailed that cast.
01:29:10.000Where they go, we're only going to do 10, and I think they talked him into 11, and then they walked away, like, still with really strong ratings.
01:30:22.000I'm good friends with Kevin James, and when I was on news radio, it was right when...
01:30:27.000Ray and I didn't have any tension, because there was actually a guy in between us that got hired to do his gig, and then that guy got fired, and then I got it.
01:30:35.000So it wasn't like I was taking over Ray's spot.
01:30:38.000And Ray and I had always been friends.
01:30:40.000And so we were eating at Jerry's Deli, and it was right when he got it, and I've never seen a guy more obsessed with getting things right.
01:30:47.000Like, we're all sitting there eating dinner, or lunch, or whatever the fuck we're eating, and Ray would be like, um, what if a guy comes in, and he's like, he's going through all of his bits, like, going through the thing, like, he was obsessed.
01:37:04.000This is designed to ruin the earth, okay?
01:37:07.000You're supposed to take part in ruining the earth with a smile on your face and a fucking glass of Chivas Regal in your hand, smoking a Dunhill, stomping on the gas.
01:37:16.000And you can see the tsunami behind you as you outrun it.
01:38:37.000My point is, find that Challenger sound.
01:38:40.000It's just, the sound actually raises your testosterone.
01:38:44.000Like, literally raises your testosterone, which is incredible.
01:38:46.000My brother-in-law, he bought two kind of junked up Dodge Challengers, 73 Dodge Challengers, and he just, he's a motorhead, and he put them together and made this beautiful fucking car.
01:41:47.000We were hanging out over by the hallway, by where the bathroom is, because there's no fucking green room in the Hollywood Improv, which is the most ridiculous thing ever.
01:41:54.000Delia was like, there's no green room.
01:41:56.000Nobody thinks about the fact there's no green room.
01:41:58.000I was like, yeah, if we were in Pittsburgh, we'd be like, fuck this place.
01:42:01.000But because it's in town, we'll just accept the fact there's nowhere to stand in between shows.
01:42:05.000But Judd Apatow was just hanging out with everybody else.
01:42:08.000Yeah, he came on my podcast one time and then I went on about six months ago and I talked about how I thought Girls was a really bad show.
01:42:15.000And I didn't realize that he created it.
01:42:17.000And the truth is I'd only seen like five minutes of it.
01:42:21.000But I just saw like, all I saw was hipsters and I was like, I fucking, I hate hipsters.
01:42:26.000And so I just immediately judged the show and talked shit about it.
01:44:23.000No, it's clothes, you fucking dirty bitch.
01:44:26.000If you're getting funky in clothes, what, do the clothes magically have little cleaning robots that run around inside your dick and clean out where you're farting into your fucking pants?
01:53:05.000Mickey Rourke wears a hairpiece now, and it's the most ridiculous hairpiece of all time, and he was wearing it in New York, and they got these photos of him.
01:55:35.000But a lot of times folks will say something like this, they'll write it down, and then they'll tweet me or something later, like, what the fuck?
01:56:09.000But there's ones, like that one that you just crossed over, Brian, the one with the red shirt, a little lower than that, that's, yeah, right there.
01:56:16.000That looks like he's got the cheek implants in place.
01:56:19.000Look how good looking he was when he was young.
01:57:14.000When I was in high school, a girl did it, changed her fucking look so radically, but she kind of overdid it.
01:57:22.000The poor girl was a beautiful girl with a crazy nose, and she got her crazy nose trimmed down, and she looked beautiful, but the nose had that ski slope thing going on.
01:57:33.000And that little smashed front, there's a little bit of a flat part in the middle of it.
01:58:09.000You could find out there's got to be a number of nose jobs that are performed every year, and you could figure out what percentage of the population.
01:58:15.000That's Bruce Jenner before he became a woman, though.
02:01:01.000He was the first, he was like, you know, what Bob Marley is to reggae, like, he's the only reggae guy anybody ever gave a fuck about or ever will.
02:04:12.000Like what you are is you're looking at a flower that's been cut and you're putting it in the vase and there's just like something even extra beautiful about the fact that it's not even attached to the root anymore.
02:04:20.000You've got a day to look at it like this.
02:11:35.000Britney Spears was a child star and they forced her on and she was fucking hot.
02:11:40.000Yeah, but she was hot in a way that, like, if I saw a bunch of peacocks and there was a female peacock that was an exceptional specimen, I was like, wow, that's a beautiful peacock.
02:14:29.000Yeah, like some girls, they have to do something to look sexy.
02:14:34.000When a girl's built like that, it's like, Jesus.
02:14:36.000And then on top of that, she's doing all the sexy shit, sticking her ass up in the air.
02:14:39.000But Jennifer Lopez was like that in her prime.
02:14:42.000Isn't it amazing, though, when we're talking about John Wayne and Batman and all that shit, the difference between how the women are portrayed...
02:14:50.000The difference between how singers are portrayed, the music videos, the photographs, all that stuff, and then go back and think about, like, Carly Simon.
02:15:41.000For some women, almost it's like they've extracted the blueprint in the DNA of men of what makes us orgasm, and they have just projected it on a body.
02:15:50.000No, what I was saying was that you never saw this from artists in the 70s.
02:18:31.000That's a sad thing, that fucking monster that eats at your soul that you can't let go that's killing you.
02:18:36.000And the longer you do it, the harder it gets because the more you think that it's really part of you, you know?
02:18:42.000And quitting something, I can tell you firsthand, it's the most freeing, empowering thing in the world because you think this thing that was sapping your energy that you believe was built in your foundation, you get freed of it and you all of a sudden, like, you take a giant chunk of low self-esteem and just lop it off.
02:18:58.000Yeah, I've met a bunch of dudes that used to be junkies and now are like super hyper athletes.
02:19:38.000I did a benefit there with Gary Valentine, and he came out and he played School's Out for Summer and 18, all his hit songs with the full makeup on, the whole thing, in this fucking, for a charity, for like 200 people!
02:21:04.000I mean, not that much, but if you get a membership in a prime country club, you have to pay like $100,000, $200,000 for some of those places.
02:21:43.000Yeah, and when they buy these big memberships, there's like a bond.
02:21:47.000Donald Trump's got courses where I bet you it's like a million dollars, and it's a bond, but you're splitting ownership of the club with the other maybe 200 members.
02:21:58.000So maybe it's not a million, half a million.
02:22:00.000But then you can sell that bond when you leave, and it could be worth more money.
02:24:09.000I saw an article about how many of those courses, because they overexpanded.
02:24:14.000When Tiger Woods came along, golf got so big, they were building courses everywhere.
02:24:20.000And then when he got caught with the Waffle House waitress, it all went away, and there are hundreds of courses around the country, and they just showed photos.
02:24:28.000Weeds, chest-high weeds growing all over the entire course.
02:25:13.000Okay, so each golf course uses as much water as 780 families of four.
02:25:19.000In Palm Springs, immediately adjacent to a place called the Palm Desert, NPR reported that each of the city's 57 courses uses about a million gallons a day.
02:27:23.000It's the largest body of water in California.
02:27:26.000And it's not even supposed to be there.
02:27:30.000At the turn of the last century, an engineering screw-up of epic proportions diverted the Colorado River into one of the lowest, hottest land basins in the United States.
02:27:39.000It took two years to stem the tide, and when the flooding finally stopped, 350 square miles of desert lay underwater.
02:27:47.000Everyone assumed the giant inland sea they had created by accident would just dry up, but when it didn't, real estate developers tried to turn an ecological disaster into an opportunity.
02:28:01.000Here is truly a miracle in the desert.
02:28:03.000A whole new outlet for the crowded millions in big cities.
02:34:10.000I think like the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico was a giant tsunami that settled on top of the land and slowly just fucking dribbled down for thousands of years.
02:34:34.000We have such a limited amount of time that we're referring to or that we're referencing when we're looking at climate change.
02:34:40.000We're only looking at a couple of hundred years of accurate reporting.
02:34:44.000You get past then and it's just hearsay.
02:34:46.000And all those things that are in the past...
02:34:49.000That people point to, like the stories of climactic change and cataclysmic disasters, those were all regional events that happened in some place where someone wrote about it.
02:35:20.000And then someone writes about, that's the thing about the Bible, most religions are based on these, like, the last book of the Bible, the book of Revelations, was written at the exact same time that Mount Vesuvius happened.
02:35:32.000And when they talk about fire and brimstone, that's what the guy was fucking looking at as he wrote it.
02:35:38.000So it got written in as, like, this is how the world ends.
02:35:58.000Like, we get totally married to the idea of one geographic location, but if anybody's paying any attention to fucking history, what we know about North America is that 10,000 years ago, half of it was under a mile-high sheet of ice.
02:36:34.000I mean, that's what people have always done, and they did it because we didn't have the, we have this ridiculous ego now that we can kind of live in any climate.
02:40:55.000There was a game warden who knew he was doing this, and so they set up this silent alarm.
02:41:01.000The alarm went off, and then this game warden showed up with a flashlight and a gun and blinded him with the flashlight and pointed the gun at him and said, Get on the ground!
02:46:23.000I don't know how much of it is for the show.
02:46:25.000That's a real issue when you're watching these goddamn shows.
02:46:28.000You don't know how much of this they're doing.
02:46:30.000They said, hey, would you be willing to live out there through the winter?
02:46:33.000Yeah, maybe he only does it during the summer normally, but he did it in the winter on TV. But what's weird is when we stayed in Yosemite, we had to put all our food in these bear safes that were reinforced steel.
02:46:44.000Because any food at all, they're going to come find it.
02:46:46.000But what do you do when you've got an elk hanging outside of your cabin?
02:46:50.000He's constantly fighting off grizzlies.
02:51:04.000I think being around that stuff, walking on dirt and being around trees, we don't need it, obviously, but I think there's a certain energy that you get from that environment that's refreshing.
02:52:06.000But I think we're missing out on a lot of shit, man.
02:52:09.000I think we're missing out on a lot of the feeling that you get from just being a person.
02:52:13.000I think that's one of the reasons why we're so detached from our...
02:52:17.000The actions that we're doing as far as polluting, as far as dumping plastic into the ocean, we're so detached from it because in cities, we're only seeing this human-created stuff.
02:52:34.000You see a beer can in a parking lot, say if you're walking through a parking lot and see a smashed Budweiser can, it doesn't really freak you out.
02:52:39.000But when you see a Budweiser can in the woods, it's a real bummer, man.
02:55:30.000The Somali pirates, before they called themselves Somali pirates, they called themselves the Volunteer Coast Guard of Somalia.
02:55:35.000And the reason why they started doing this, they started going out and capturing European boats that were dumping toxic waste off the coast, killing off all their fish.