The Joe Rogan Experience - September 03, 2014


Joe Rogan Experience #544 - Dom Irrera


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 55 minutes

Words per Minute

193.82065

Word Count

33,938

Sentence Count

3,757

Misogynist Sentences

107


Summary

Ting is the official cell phone provider for the Jogger Experience Podcast. They do it their way with no contracts, no early termination fees, no ride-alongs or bundling, and no bullshit that you ordinarily have to deal with if you deal with most cell phone providers. Most cell phone companies also have their billing set up for what, say, say if you have 100 minutes a month but you only use like 10? Which is by the way, what you probably use. Most people don t fucking call anybody anymore. Unless you're doing business, you might understand if you re doing business. But the point is, with Ting, you only pay for what you use. And that's the most logical way to do it now. Because that's what every cell phone company is going to be forced to do in the future. You feel robbed? Well, Ting has it set up so you don t have to do anything like that anymore, because that s what it should be. Save yourself $25 by becoming a Ting customer. They have a wide range of cell phones including iPhone 5s and all the latest and greatest of the Android models, including the Samsung Galaxy S5 and the Galaxy Note 3, if you just can t have it big enough. And if you go to Roganting.com, you will save $25 off of any of their devices. We're also bringing you a Kindle Fire HD and an Audible audiobook that syncs up with the audible version of it so you can read in your car. It keeps going for you between you and your car, and then you can listen to it between your car and you read it between you can be awesome. That's cool, right? Joe and I have been around a long time and I can t say enough good things. - Joe - I can't say enough about a good book by Bert Kreischer - And I've been around around 150,000 titles by our pal, I can do that long time, I've got a good time by my pal, actually read it to you in my car, which is pretty awesome, so I can say that I think it's cool. That s cool, I love you, I mean I do that so good, I ve been awesome, I think you do that too, so you ve got that so I've gone to say that so you've got it so good of a good thing by you, you can go to that.


Transcript

00:00:02.000 Hello, freak bitches.
00:00:03.000 We're back.
00:00:04.000 This episode is brought to you by Ting.
00:00:06.000 Ting is the official cell phone provider for the Jogin Experience Podcast.
00:00:11.000 Ting is a cell phone provider.
00:00:12.000 I got one right here.
00:00:13.000 This is a Ting phone.
00:00:14.000 This is my Samsung Galaxy Note 5. It's pretty dope.
00:00:18.000 I like the fingerprint thing.
00:00:19.000 It's pretty sweet.
00:00:20.000 The fingerprint thing is sweet, and the fact that it's waterproof is pretty sweet, too.
00:00:25.000 What it is is what Ting uses is the Sprint backbone.
00:00:29.000 They use a Sprint network, but they do it their way with no contracts, no early termination fees, no ride-alongs or bundling, and no...
00:00:38.000 No bullshit that you ordinarily have to deal with if you deal with most cell phone providers.
00:00:44.000 Most cell phone providers also have their billing set up for what, say if you have 100 minutes a month, but you only use like 10, which is, by the way, what you probably use.
00:00:54.000 Most people don't fucking call anybody anymore.
00:00:56.000 If you call someone for 10 minutes a month, you're a weirdo.
00:00:58.000 Unless you're doing business.
00:01:00.000 You might understand if you're doing business.
00:01:01.000 But the point is, with Ting, you only pay for what you use.
00:01:06.000 They used to have it so that they would credit you on your next bill and knock money off your next bill if you ordered 100 minutes, but you only used 80. They would credit you that on your next bill.
00:01:17.000 But then they realize, like, why are we doing that?
00:01:19.000 Why don't we just charge you for what you use?
00:01:21.000 Like, that's the most logical way to do it.
00:01:23.000 And that's how Ting does it now.
00:01:25.000 So, I think every cell phone company is going to be forced to do it that way.
00:01:28.000 Because that's what it should be.
00:01:29.000 If you use more, you pay more.
00:01:31.000 But if you're, like, a heavy data user especially, Ting is an awesome way to go.
00:01:35.000 Ting actually just dropped their rates because of their second year anniversary for no reason other than they got a better deal and they said, fuck it, man.
00:01:42.000 We're going to continue this path of being an ethical cell phone company with just a good idea.
00:01:49.000 The good idea is to not fuck people over.
00:01:52.000 Give them something that's a good service that you can get at a good rate, and you feel good about the transaction.
00:01:58.000 Whereas, you know, you get those overage fees, or you get some fucking early termination fee, and it's like hundreds of dollars, and you're like, fuck off, man.
00:02:07.000 You feel robbed.
00:02:08.000 Well, Ting has it set up so you don't do anything like that.
00:02:12.000 98% of people would save money with Ting.
00:02:14.000 And that's because they do mobile differently.
00:02:17.000 The average monthly bill per device for Ting customers, it's $21.
00:02:22.000 That's pretty fucking cheap.
00:02:24.000 And if you go to rogan.ting.com, you will save $25 off of any of their devices.
00:02:30.000 They have a wide range of cell phones.
00:02:33.000 Including iPhone 5s and all the greatest and latest of the Android models, including the LG Nexus 5, the Samsung Galaxy S5, which is what I got right here, and the Samsung Galaxy Note 3,
00:02:48.000 if you just can't have it big enough.
00:02:51.000 Rogan.ting.com.
00:02:52.000 Save yourself $25.
00:02:53.000 We're also brought to you by Audible.
00:02:55.000 If you go to audible.com forward slash Joe, you can get a free audiobook from the number one provider of audio entertainment on the internet.
00:03:06.000 Audible has been around for a long fucking time, and I've always been a big fan of audiobooks.
00:03:10.000 It makes it so much easier.
00:03:13.000 And if you have this Amazon Kindle Fire HD, Amazon has this...
00:03:19.000 It's their version of a tablet, like a Galaxy tablet.
00:03:24.000 And if you get one of those from Amazon, the Kindle Fire HD, and you get this thing called WhisperSync, it's fucking crazy.
00:03:31.000 You read the book, so if you're at home, you're sitting in bed, you read the book, and then when you get to a certain page...
00:03:37.000 It syncs up with the audible version of it in your car.
00:03:41.000 So you get in your car, and then you listen to the audio version of the book.
00:03:44.000 So it's like it keeps going for you.
00:03:47.000 It's like you read when you can, and then they'll read it to you in between, which I think is pretty fucking awesome.
00:03:52.000 And if you want a free audiobook, you can pick from over 150,000 titles, including Life of the Party by our pal Bert Kreischer.
00:04:01.000 Actually read by Bert Kreischer.
00:04:03.000 That's cool.
00:04:04.000 You can get that shit for free if you go to audible.com forward slash Joe.
00:04:08.000 I can't say enough good things about Audible.
00:04:10.000 Like I said, they've been around a long time, and they have over 150,000 books to choose from, including radio shows, podcasts, comedy specials.
00:04:18.000 They have all kinds of shit.
00:04:19.000 They have the Opie and Anthony show that's not even Anthony anymore.
00:04:28.000 That's Burt Kreischer.
00:04:29.000 I think we're violating copyright by playing it over the air, though.
00:04:31.000 Anyway, audible.com forward slash Joe.
00:04:33.000 Go there, my friends, and get yourself a free audiobook and one free month of Audible service.
00:04:40.000 That's right, sweet bitches.
00:04:42.000 Amazing.
00:04:44.000 Also, we're brought to you by Onnit.com.
00:04:46.000 And right now, it is September 3rd, and it is 3 p.m.
00:04:51.000 West Coast time, which means there's one day, 20 hours, and 58 minutes and 6 seconds.
00:05:00.000 To go with the 72-hour sale.
00:05:02.000 72-hour sale, 15% off everything.
00:05:04.000 You use the code SEP72. It's short for September.
00:05:07.000 And then 72 for the amount of hours in the sale.
00:05:11.000 If you hear this after that, then just use the code word ROGAN and you can save 10% off any and all supplements.
00:05:17.000 But it doesn't work on everything.
00:05:19.000 This code, this 15% code right now, works on everything.
00:05:21.000 What on it is is a human optimization website.
00:05:25.000 That's what we decided to call...
00:05:27.000 A website where we sell shit that does good things for you, whether it's get you in shape, whether it's give you healthy snack options like the Hemp Force Protein Bar.
00:05:36.000 Super healthy, very delicious, very good for you hemp, very easy to digest, one of the easiest proteins to digest.
00:05:43.000 We have hemp force powder, and that hemp force powder is the finest protein powder we could buy.
00:05:48.000 The most expensive stuff, all of it comes from Canada because the United States is a fucking crazy place that will be mocked in the future.
00:05:57.000 In the future, when they look back at the marijuana laws and how preposterous they were and how they affected its cousin, its non-psychoactive cousin hemp, And that's what hemp is.
00:06:07.000 I mean, it's not the version of marijuana that you use to get high.
00:06:11.000 It's a non-get-you-high plant, and it's still illegal because it's related to the get-you-high plant.
00:06:18.000 It's the male version of the species.
00:06:19.000 The female version of the species has the buds, which you get your THC from.
00:06:25.000 To answer your questions, because I know a lot of people have questions about protein powders that involve hemp or any products that involve hemp, you cannot test positive.
00:06:34.000 If you have a job that tests you, they make you pee in a cup.
00:06:37.000 First of all, if you do have a job like that, strategize your way to get the fuck out of that fucking jail.
00:06:42.000 Some dickwad doesn't let you take a hit off a joint on your weekend.
00:06:47.000 Because they're worried about you losing productivity for your fucking slave job on Monday?
00:06:52.000 Fuck them.
00:06:53.000 Is that your phone, Dom?
00:06:54.000 I'll turn it off.
00:06:55.000 No, just answer it.
00:06:56.000 Start calling people.
00:06:57.000 Shit.
00:06:57.000 Fuck it.
00:06:58.000 I want to do this show.
00:07:02.000 Anyway, Hemp Force.
00:07:03.000 You can only test positive if you smoke weed while you're eating Hemp Force.
00:07:09.000 But I should tell you that if you eat bagels that have poppy seeds on them or anything with poppy seeds, you test positive for heroin.
00:07:17.000 As crazy as that sounds.
00:07:18.000 But it is absolutely true.
00:07:19.000 If you're going in for a heroin test or any sort of a drug test, if you eat poppy seeds, you will test positive for heroin.
00:07:25.000 It's very strange.
00:07:26.000 It doesn't happen with hemp.
00:07:28.000 Go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, and browse our lovely selection of strength and conditioning equipment, as well as food, supplements, all that good shit.
00:07:38.000 And use the code WEARROGAN. You'll save 10% off all supplements.
00:07:41.000 And as of today, at 3-0-4, Wednesday, September 3rd, there is one hour, or one day, 20 hours, 56 minutes, and 46 seconds.
00:07:52.000 To use the code word SEP72 to save 15% off everything.
00:07:56.000 That's Onnit.com.
00:07:56.000 Oh, N-N-I-T. And, oh, DeathSquad.tv for all the new cats that Brian has put together on hats and cats and hats and t-shirts and All kinds of different shit.
00:08:08.000 Brian has a full fucking selection of all artwork that he's created, by the way.
00:08:14.000 If you see all this stuff and you buy any of these things, you're absolutely supporting the artist himself.
00:08:20.000 Because Brian created all these, he put it together, and he used our friends at Squarespace to design this website and to sell it all.
00:08:28.000 Which has been a pleasure.
00:08:29.000 It's the best website creator ever.
00:08:31.000 I mean, for the money.
00:08:32.000 Anyone that wants a website, totally use it.
00:08:34.000 There you go, Squarespace.
00:08:35.000 You got a free plug.
00:08:36.000 Sorry.
00:08:37.000 Kapow!
00:08:37.000 No, I'm 100% in support of you.
00:08:40.000 I love Squarespace.
00:08:42.000 Anyway, DeathSquad.tv or ShopSquad.
00:08:45.000 What is it?
00:08:46.000 ShopSquad.com?
00:08:47.000 Dot TV. ShopSquad.tv, which is a link that you can get to directly from DeathSquad.tv.
00:08:52.000 But DeathSquad.tv will have not just this, but all the addresses and times for the comedy podcasts.
00:08:59.000 Like Kill Tony, which I did with my brother Dom Herrera.
00:09:03.000 What a time we had, Dom!
00:09:04.000 We laughed!
00:09:05.000 What a time!
00:09:06.000 We laughed at our laughing.
00:09:07.000 It was a very fun time.
00:09:08.000 That was great.
00:09:09.000 All that information, all the different shows that Brian promotes, as well as his gigs that he's doing on the road, all of it is available at deskquad.tv.
00:09:18.000 And then shopsquad.tv if you don't want to just cut to the chase and start spending shackles!
00:09:24.000 Alright, that's it, folks.
00:09:26.000 Oh, me.
00:09:27.000 What am I doing?
00:09:27.000 I got September something or another.
00:09:30.000 I'm in fucking Toronto.
00:09:32.000 Let me find this because I didn't have it in front of me.
00:09:34.000 What are you doing, Massey Hall, Joe?
00:09:36.000 I am doing the Sony Center.
00:09:39.000 I like Massey Hall, but it was already booked.
00:09:42.000 But I did the Sony Center before, too.
00:09:43.000 It was pretty fucking dope.
00:09:45.000 Yeah, Sony Center for the Performing Arts with Tony Hinchcliffe, Friday, September 26th.
00:09:50.000 Joe DeRosa was supposed to be here tomorrow, but he had to...
00:09:53.000 He got an acting gig!
00:09:54.000 The kid's got talent!
00:09:56.000 You can't hold him back!
00:09:57.000 So Tony's taking his place, and Joe DeRosa will be here next Wednesday.
00:10:01.000 In the future, I have Rupert Sheldrake and Graham Hancock are going to be coming up.
00:10:05.000 I got a lot of good guests, real solid guests.
00:10:08.000 Mike Dolce is going to be here next week, and like I said, Joe DeRosa will be here next week.
00:10:12.000 All right, that's it.
00:10:13.000 Boom.
00:10:13.000 Sherlock, lock, boom.
00:10:15.000 Oh, Ice House.
00:10:16.000 Ice House.
00:10:17.000 I'm going to be at the Ice House in Pasadena September 12th and 13th.
00:10:20.000 What is that?
00:10:20.000 Like the weekend after this one with Tony Hinchcliffe.
00:10:23.000 All right, that's it.
00:10:25.000 Cue the music.
00:10:25.000 Don Marrera's here.
00:10:26.000 Why fuck around?
00:10:28.000 Why fuck around?
00:10:32.000 Yeah!
00:10:38.000 Dominic, me brother.
00:10:39.000 Hello, Joe, for fuck's sake.
00:10:41.000 Look at you sitting up there in your high horse.
00:10:43.000 Yeah, he asked me if I was David Letterman.
00:10:45.000 I should tell everybody about this chair.
00:10:46.000 This is my latest device to try to mitigate back pain from sitting, and it's called the Sally.
00:10:55.000 Yeah, S-A-L-L-I. And it's a saddle chair.
00:10:59.000 It's like a saddle.
00:11:00.000 So if you see how it's sitting here.
00:11:01.000 No, no one's endorsing this.
00:11:03.000 I'm just telling you.
00:11:04.000 It feels...
00:11:05.000 I'm going to tell you this.
00:11:06.000 They would hate me endorsing this because it feels like shit.
00:11:08.000 It's like the least comfortable chair I think I've ever sat in in my fucking life.
00:11:11.000 It's the anti-commercial.
00:11:12.000 But, it's very good for your back.
00:11:14.000 And make sure you, like, you can't sit any way other than like this.
00:11:20.000 Like, you have to sit, like, straight up.
00:11:22.000 You can't, like, slouch in this thing.
00:11:24.000 It just doesn't support it.
00:11:25.000 And when I sit in a regular chair, by the end of the podcast, my fucking neck starts to hurt.
00:11:30.000 Like, my back, like around here, where I've been injured, starts to hurt.
00:11:34.000 Wouldn't that, like, stretch your asshole out, though?
00:11:37.000 That's what I'm trying to do.
00:11:39.000 Make it easier for you.
00:11:40.000 If I ever do wind up going in the pokey, I want to be...
00:11:43.000 You're going to be gaping soon.
00:11:45.000 No, it doesn't do anything to your asshole, you fucking idiot.
00:11:48.000 Well, I mean, look how you're sitting, though.
00:11:49.000 It's like your butthole is spread apart, isn't it?
00:11:50.000 No, I'm squeezing.
00:11:51.000 No, you're not listening.
00:11:53.000 The whole idea behind this is it's like a saddle.
00:11:56.000 If you sit in a saddle, you actually kind of have to hold yourself in place.
00:11:58.000 So by squeezing your legs together, it's not opening your butthole.
00:12:02.000 You're actually squeezing everything tight.
00:12:04.000 So if you were a gal and you wanted to have one of these, I figured it would probably be good for the old vajayjay.
00:12:09.000 Probably tighten that baby up.
00:12:11.000 Women are supposed to do those Kegelet.
00:12:13.000 Not supposed to.
00:12:14.000 Supposed to if they care about treating a penis correctly with their vagina.
00:12:18.000 They do those Kegel exercises where you squeeze your vagina and you can actually make it stronger.
00:12:22.000 There's some crazy bitch in Russia that's like the world record holder for the amount of weight she can carry with her pussy.
00:12:27.000 But it's something substantial, like 50 pounds.
00:12:30.000 So she shoves a dildo in her pussy, attaches it to a fucking kettlebell, and does squats holding this dildo in her box just with her shield pussy, like grabbing it like that.
00:12:43.000 Is anybody else getting hungry?
00:12:45.000 Yeah.
00:12:47.000 I don't know why.
00:12:48.000 I'm getting peckish.
00:12:49.000 Did you ever hear of Honeysuckle Divine?
00:12:52.000 Yes.
00:12:52.000 She was the one that used to shoot ping pong balls and eat a tuna fish sandwich.
00:12:56.000 Yeah.
00:12:57.000 Where was that at?
00:12:58.000 Where'd she do that?
00:12:58.000 I knew she did it at the Trocadero in Philadelphia because when we were kids it was like this big joke about Honeysuckle Divine.
00:13:05.000 But I was up at the Rib, and they were shooting a porn.
00:13:08.000 And, you know, these porn girls need so much attention, obviously.
00:13:11.000 And they didn't have anything else to do, no more conversation.
00:13:14.000 So one girl sits in the bar.
00:13:15.000 She goes, do your trick.
00:13:16.000 You know, the container, the cigars put in.
00:13:19.000 She jams that in, and she just pops it out.
00:13:22.000 But she hit the girl too hard.
00:13:24.000 It was so funny.
00:13:25.000 The girl's face is there, and she goes, boom!
00:13:27.000 And the girl goes, fuck!
00:13:28.000 Ow!
00:13:29.000 Big red mark on her face.
00:13:31.000 How do you explain that?
00:13:33.000 She can shoot it out of her pussy so hard it hurts.
00:13:35.000 Yeah.
00:13:36.000 Did you see that fucking mantis shrimp that I posted on my Twitter page yesterday?
00:13:43.000 No.
00:13:43.000 You gotta see this.
00:13:44.000 This is the craziest fucking animal I have ever heard in my life.
00:13:48.000 If you scroll down, a guy named Mike Jackson Esquire...
00:13:53.000 The Truth Jackson on Twitter sent this shit to me.
00:13:56.000 And it's a murder mantis shrimp.
00:13:59.000 It's a shrimp that has a built-in weapon.
00:14:02.000 It's not actually a shrimp.
00:14:03.000 It's like they explain what it is.
00:14:04.000 It has a built-in weapon.
00:14:06.000 It has this thing where its body's got a spring inside of it.
00:14:11.000 It's got two hammers.
00:14:12.000 And it shoots the hammers out and slams onto crabs and kills them.
00:14:16.000 Breaks their shells open.
00:14:18.000 Breaks open clams and crabs.
00:14:21.000 It is the wildest looking thing I've ever seen.
00:14:23.000 In the ocean somewhere.
00:14:25.000 They call it the mantis murder shrimp.
00:14:27.000 And they have a video in slow motion explaining how this shrimp...
00:14:31.000 I never heard of it.
00:14:32.000 I never heard of it either until yesterday.
00:14:34.000 This guy who is explaining it...
00:14:36.000 We should give this guy's YouTube page, whatever it is.
00:14:40.000 Is that him?
00:14:41.000 Smarter Every Day?
00:14:42.000 Smarter Every Day.
00:14:43.000 It's called Mantis Murder Shrimp.
00:14:45.000 Yeah, scroll it back just a little bit before right where you were, just a little bit there, and it'll show you.
00:14:49.000 Watch how this thing does it.
00:14:51.000 Turn the volume up.
00:14:52.000 Watch how it comes out.
00:14:54.000 It whacks this crab and fucking kills it.
00:14:57.000 Fucking knocked it out.
00:15:00.000 Watch this.
00:15:00.000 Look at this.
00:15:02.000 Wow.
00:15:03.000 Isn't that nuts?
00:15:04.000 It's got two hammers on the end of its claws.
00:15:07.000 That's cool.
00:15:08.000 I never knew a thing like this existed.
00:15:09.000 That's cool.
00:15:10.000 How could that be kept from us all these years?
00:15:12.000 All these years.
00:15:13.000 There's so many animals.
00:15:14.000 Look at it.
00:15:14.000 The crab is smashed.
00:15:16.000 It crushed the shell of the crab.
00:15:19.000 It's crazy that that thing has been there in the ocean this whole time and we never heard about it until 2014. There's too many things to pay attention to.
00:15:28.000 That's why I come here to this podcast.
00:15:30.000 To learn about shrimps that fuck people up or fuck things up.
00:15:34.000 Yeah, it's not actually a shrimp.
00:15:35.000 It's like something else.
00:15:36.000 They call it a Here, I'll Google it to find out what the fuck it actually is.
00:15:40.000 But, incredible.
00:15:43.000 You're just finding out about this.
00:15:45.000 It's like boxing gloves, almost.
00:15:46.000 Yeah.
00:15:47.000 Like hammers, right?
00:15:49.000 Yeah.
00:15:50.000 Look at that.
00:15:50.000 So, the podcast is Smarter Every Day, or the show is Smarter Every Day.
00:15:55.000 It's a really well-done show, too.
00:15:57.000 Wow.
00:15:58.000 They did a great job of explaining the mechanism that this thing has inside of its body.
00:16:02.000 It's essentially like a spring, right?
00:16:05.000 We're good to go.
00:16:21.000 Really amazing stuff.
00:16:22.000 The world, Dominic.
00:16:25.000 There's so much.
00:16:27.000 And I forget something else.
00:16:28.000 The last time we worked together, we did Kill Tony at the Ice House, because I still don't go to the comedy store.
00:16:34.000 But the Ice House version of Kill Tony, you and I, that was more fun than...
00:16:38.000 That I've had doing a podcast in a long time.
00:16:41.000 Me too.
00:16:41.000 That was really fucking fun.
00:16:43.000 Yeah, we were crying laughing.
00:16:44.000 So silly.
00:16:45.000 So silly.
00:16:46.000 The premise behind Kill Tony, folks who don't know, it's Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redband have this podcast where they do, everybody does like a minute, like you have new comics, they go up and do a minute, and they have these two girls, what are their names again?
00:16:59.000 Sarah Weinshank and Kimberly Condom.
00:17:01.000 Very funny gals who do a new minute every week.
00:17:09.000 Which, if you've ever done stand-up before, it's hard to do.
00:17:12.000 It's a lot harder than it sounds.
00:17:13.000 Yeah, it sounds like a new minute.
00:17:14.000 It's easy.
00:17:14.000 But they don't get a chance to really develop it.
00:17:16.000 It's just every week they do a new minute.
00:17:17.000 And they've done that since the very beginning.
00:17:20.000 So their entire stand-up career has essentially been just doing stand-up on the internet in front of everybody.
00:17:26.000 That takes balls.
00:17:27.000 It does.
00:17:29.000 I was a little mean, I thought, but I was having fun.
00:17:32.000 You had to be.
00:17:33.000 You gotta go for the jugular.
00:17:36.000 Go for that jugular.
00:17:38.000 I love guys that had a minute and they came up like with 35 seconds.
00:17:42.000 Yeah.
00:17:42.000 They couldn't fill a minute.
00:17:43.000 And they're like, okay.
00:17:44.000 So where are you guys from?
00:17:46.000 Well, if you stare at your mirror and you practice for a minute, it's most likely not really going to be a minute when you're up there because you're going to be panicking.
00:17:52.000 You'll be talking faster.
00:17:55.000 Do you ever get nervous anymore?
00:17:57.000 Everybody always asks me that.
00:17:58.000 Yeah, I got nervous before I filmed my special in Denver.
00:18:01.000 No kidding.
00:18:02.000 Yeah, because I worked so hard for it.
00:18:05.000 It worked out great, but it was just so much preparation for it.
00:18:10.000 It definitely felt more intense than a regular show.
00:18:14.000 You're big in Denver, Joe.
00:18:16.000 Yeah, I did it at a small place, though.
00:18:18.000 I did it at the Comedy Works.
00:18:19.000 That's where I'm going this month.
00:18:21.000 I love that place.
00:18:22.000 Did you go downtown or to the cruise ship?
00:18:24.000 Downtown.
00:18:24.000 The cruise ship?
00:18:25.000 That's what it's like, the other place.
00:18:27.000 Why do you say it's like a cruise ship?
00:18:28.000 It's just like a giant, because it has everything.
00:18:30.000 It has movie theaters, restaurants, and it's all in one little block.
00:18:35.000 Oh, I see what you're saying, yeah.
00:18:36.000 Downtown is funkier.
00:18:38.000 Yeah, well, downtown's smaller, too, and it's like you're stuffed into that really cool room.
00:18:43.000 Oh, you did your special in that room?
00:18:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:18:46.000 Oh, that's a good idea.
00:18:47.000 It was fun.
00:18:48.000 See, I think it's better than a theater.
00:18:50.000 I think so, too.
00:18:51.000 Well, my thought process behind it was that when you're at home, you're in your living room.
00:18:56.000 Your living room's very intimate.
00:18:58.000 You're sitting down, or, you know, maybe you're downloaded on your computer.
00:19:02.000 You're in your office.
00:19:03.000 But either way, you're in a small environment, usually.
00:19:06.000 And you're sitting there watching some guy on stage in front of thousands of people.
00:19:11.000 It's still a good show.
00:19:14.000 You can enjoy it, but you don't feel like you're there.
00:19:17.000 No.
00:19:17.000 But I've seen a couple people do them.
00:19:20.000 Sarah Silverman had one she did at Largo.
00:19:22.000 And I didn't watch too much of it, but I was like, wow, that feels good.
00:19:27.000 That she's all in tight like that.
00:19:28.000 Yeah.
00:19:29.000 It feels good to watch a show where you're kind of like right there.
00:19:33.000 So I decided to do it.
00:19:34.000 I think it's good.
00:19:35.000 I had this discussion to be a name dropper with Tosh and with Seinfeld.
00:19:39.000 And both of them think theaters are better.
00:19:41.000 And I just disagree.
00:19:42.000 And even for Tosh's act, I think he's better in a club.
00:19:45.000 And Seinfeld said, why can't I just sit on my hands?
00:19:48.000 Why can't people sit on their hands and listen to me for an hour and a half?
00:19:51.000 Who are these people?
00:19:52.000 It's like, I said, because I'd rather people be drinking.
00:19:54.000 I'd rather them be a little distracted and having fun than focused like it's a theater.
00:20:00.000 Yeah, there's definitely a difference in the kind of show that you can do, too.
00:20:03.000 Like, you can't, like, bang, bang, bang, hammer them in a theater because the laughter...
00:20:07.000 No, you've got to wait for it to roll up.
00:20:08.000 Yeah.
00:20:09.000 Fucks over the punchlines.
00:20:10.000 I went to see Louis Black, me and Joey.
00:20:13.000 We were staying at this place in Jersey, and we were doing the theater the next day.
00:20:17.000 He was doing it on Thursday, we were doing it on Friday.
00:20:20.000 And we went in to watch, and I was like, whoa, when a guy's on stage telling jokes, when people start laughing, you don't hear anything else he says until that laughter stops.
00:20:30.000 Yeah.
00:20:30.000 And I never realized that, because obviously you're on stage, you have the microphone, you have the monitors broadcast in your face, so you hear yourself very loud and clear.
00:20:39.000 But the audience, they don't hear you very good when people are laughing.
00:20:43.000 It's real weird.
00:20:44.000 Ways don't for sure.
00:20:47.000 It's Madison Square Garden, places like that.
00:20:49.000 And you really had to wait for the wave to come by, because otherwise, you're right, you're talking over yourself, you're talking over the layup.
00:20:56.000 Yeah, you talk over the laugh and you kill all the taglines.
00:20:58.000 Anything after the punchline.
00:21:01.000 But some of those taglines, they have to be done very quickly in a comedy club for it to work.
00:21:07.000 So there's a totally different kind of timing in a theater that a joke won't work as well in some ways.
00:21:13.000 Because sometimes you say something, then you say something else.
00:21:16.000 You say something, then you say something else.
00:21:18.000 Everybody's laughing at the first thing, then the second thing.
00:21:20.000 In a theater, you have to say it.
00:21:23.000 Say it.
00:21:24.000 You know, there's a big pause and that timing gets funky.
00:21:27.000 It fucks you.
00:21:28.000 It's totally different, yeah.
00:21:29.000 I'd much rather do a club.
00:21:30.000 Yeah.
00:21:30.000 It's the best.
00:21:31.000 It's just you can't make as much money.
00:21:33.000 And that's the difference.
00:21:34.000 But there's something to like some clubs or some theaters like Massey Hall we were talking about in Toronto.
00:21:41.000 Massey Hall's fucking phenomenal.
00:21:42.000 Even though it's 3,000 plus people, it's still phenomenal.
00:21:46.000 It's like it's the right size for some reason.
00:21:48.000 I was there one night.
00:21:49.000 Jason Alexander asked me if I wanted to do an improv at the end of the show.
00:21:53.000 We had to follow Robert Schimmel talking about cancer and killing.
00:21:57.000 He was fucking killing.
00:21:59.000 I said to Jason, I said, Schimmel's killing talking about cancer.
00:22:02.000 What the fuck are we going to do?
00:22:03.000 Fly around the room?
00:22:07.000 Yeah, he had a whole series, like, after he almost died.
00:22:10.000 I saw him in Tempe, and he had all this material about almost dying.
00:22:17.000 You know, about, like, he would bring up a pamphlet.
00:22:19.000 How brilliant do you have to be to make that funny?
00:22:21.000 He's honest as fuck, man.
00:22:22.000 That guy was honest as fuck.
00:22:23.000 He was such a sweet guy, too.
00:22:25.000 Yeah.
00:22:25.000 I ran into him after all the cancer stuff.
00:22:28.000 You know, he'd survived it, and he's really skinny.
00:22:31.000 I ran into him at Barnes& Noble, man, just randomly.
00:22:36.000 And he's so warm, so friendly.
00:22:39.000 That really fucking bummed me out.
00:22:41.000 That bummed me out.
00:22:42.000 The Robin Williams thing really bummed me out recently.
00:22:45.000 And Richard Jenny really bummed me out.
00:22:47.000 Those are the big three.
00:22:49.000 I didn't see it coming with Robin at all.
00:22:51.000 I mean, he was supposed to do my podcast now.
00:22:55.000 And I was going to call him.
00:22:56.000 It's so weird how life works.
00:22:58.000 Like today?
00:22:58.000 Well, around this week.
00:22:59.000 Because what happened was...
00:23:01.000 I didn't call him because I knew he was upset about the series not getting picked up and he had to go back home.
00:23:07.000 These kids were going to school or whatever.
00:23:09.000 Something was going on in his life.
00:23:10.000 I said, let me leave him alone.
00:23:11.000 I'll call him next week.
00:23:12.000 There was no next week.
00:23:13.000 Fuck.
00:23:15.000 Yeah.
00:23:16.000 And I had to go on CNN and I fucking hated it because you just find out a buddy of yours dies and they want to talk about suicide and how he did it and brain chemistry.
00:23:25.000 I said, look, I'm sad right now.
00:23:27.000 I don't want to go into this chemical bullshit and theory about, you know, can we give him a moment?
00:23:33.000 Yeah.
00:23:33.000 Dana Gould wrote a piece for, I think it was for Rolling Stone.
00:23:38.000 That I also tweeted yesterday.
00:23:41.000 Let me find it here.
00:23:43.000 But it's a pretty detailed piece about why so many comedians are depressed.
00:23:48.000 And I thought, Brains Behaving Badly.
00:23:50.000 Yeah, it's for Rolling Stone.
00:23:51.000 And Dana, who's not just a really funny comic.
00:23:54.000 I've known him forever.
00:23:55.000 But a very bright guy.
00:23:56.000 He's brilliant.
00:23:57.000 Very insightful.
00:23:59.000 And he wrote this interesting thing after the whole Robin Williams thing.
00:24:05.000 He said something so funny to me.
00:24:08.000 We're at the Laugh Factory.
00:24:10.000 I did this bit about mother and daughter exchange club, lesbians taking care of younger girls sexually, right, and vice versa.
00:24:17.000 And there was two lesbians there.
00:24:19.000 I said, did you ever see it?
00:24:20.000 One of the women went, yeah, yeah, I've seen it.
00:24:21.000 I said, it's hot, ain't it?
00:24:23.000 It's perverted.
00:24:24.000 It's hot.
00:24:24.000 And I say something to Dana, you know, being married.
00:24:29.000 And I get down and I sit down with him.
00:24:30.000 He goes, Dom, I've been married for 12 years.
00:24:32.000 Of course I've fucking seen it.
00:24:33.000 It's one of my favorites.
00:24:37.000 Dana's a funny guy, man.
00:24:38.000 The thing about the Robin and also about Rich Jenny that it's not in my wheelhouse is the depression thing.
00:24:46.000 Both those guys suffered from pretty severe depression.
00:24:49.000 And The more people we talked to, we had Cara Santa Maria on last week, who's a friend of ours, who's a very, very smart, very brilliant woman, and also a neuroscientist.
00:24:59.000 So, you know, she's not talking out of her ass when she explains what's going on in the human brain.
00:25:04.000 It's just a fucking disease, man.
00:25:06.000 It's a disease.
00:25:06.000 And anybody that doesn't have it, that talks out of their ass, you know, like fucking...
00:25:12.000 What's his face?
00:25:13.000 Henry Rollins said that it was, like, weak that he killed himself because he had kids.
00:25:17.000 Oh, boy, it's not that...
00:25:19.000 These people, you know, I see that they want to take a stand because they find it offensive that people would be, in their eyes, what they would consider so selfish that they committed suicide.
00:25:29.000 But I think in talking to people that have had it, I think it's pretty safe to assume they're telling you the truth.
00:25:37.000 Yeah.
00:25:55.000 They can't go on, man.
00:25:57.000 I don't understand it.
00:25:59.000 I don't have it.
00:26:00.000 I don't get depressed like that.
00:26:01.000 I get it.
00:26:01.000 Do you?
00:26:02.000 In the morning, yeah.
00:26:03.000 Then I kind of work my way out of it.
00:26:06.000 Do you jerk your way out of it?
00:26:07.000 I jerk my way out of it.
00:26:09.000 I stain little things in my house.
00:26:11.000 Do you wake and spank?
00:26:13.000 Come here.
00:26:14.000 Come here, kitty.
00:26:17.000 You hit a bell.
00:26:19.000 But with Jenny, you could see something coming.
00:26:22.000 Jenny, he was always very neat.
00:26:25.000 He was all disheveled last time I saw him.
00:26:27.000 And Eleanor said she saw him at a supermarket.
00:26:31.000 He was knocking over things in the shelves.
00:26:33.000 The drugs were fucking him up.
00:26:35.000 What drugs was he on?
00:26:37.000 Some antipsychotic drugs and he was supposed to change the prescription that week.
00:26:40.000 I don't know which stories are true.
00:26:42.000 But Robin, the big difference was there was no indication.
00:26:46.000 Well, apparently not.
00:26:48.000 But Mark Gordon, who's this guy, this doctor that I've had on the podcast before, sent me this piece that he's working on on the high instances of suicide in relationship to operations.
00:27:01.000 And that people need to...
00:27:03.000 That's what Overton said.
00:27:05.000 Mm-hmm.
00:27:06.000 He's saying that they need to accept that there's an issue going on with people's hormonal balances that get thrown out of whack by a pretty severe operation like heart surgery.
00:27:15.000 Yeah.
00:27:16.000 And he cited the instances of hypothyroidism that can be caused by it and then the pituitary gland function, especially being under for a long time.
00:27:26.000 When they do like those, like what Joan Rivers just had done, they put her under for a long time and now she's still in like critical care.
00:27:33.000 She's in a coma, I think.
00:27:34.000 Yeah, yeah, she's fucked.
00:27:36.000 Apparently when you get put under for long periods of time, they do something like open heart surgery, which they did with Robin, it can be really tricky.
00:27:45.000 When you come out of it, it's like some pretty severe depression occurs in a lot of people.
00:27:51.000 So if people didn't see it coming before, you got that factor.
00:27:56.000 You also have the drug factor that he recently checked himself back into rehab again.
00:28:01.000 He said there was no reason to.
00:28:03.000 He was just like reaffirming his commitment to sobriety.
00:28:05.000 But that sounds like some PR people's idea of what to say for me.
00:28:10.000 Yeah, don't tell him.
00:28:11.000 Don't tell him you're really fucked up again.
00:28:12.000 Yeah, I mean, he didn't get caught drunk driving or anything like that.
00:28:16.000 Whatever it is, he decided to check himself in again.
00:28:18.000 And so, there's all those things.
00:28:20.000 And, you know, he also had a lot of debt.
00:28:24.000 You know, he owed a lot of money.
00:28:26.000 I heard that, yeah.
00:28:26.000 But he was very wealthy still.
00:28:28.000 I talked to his agent, who's a friend of mine.
00:28:30.000 And she was saying, don't let all these people tell you that he owed more money than he had.
00:28:36.000 He had plenty of money.
00:28:38.000 He just has this like $30 million house in Napa.
00:28:42.000 He's like a 600-acre estate.
00:28:44.000 Like he has some crazy fucking park, essentially, in Napa.
00:28:48.000 And it's, you know, $30 million.
00:28:51.000 But she said he was still rich when he died.
00:28:53.000 And you can't say it was that.
00:28:55.000 It was, you know, when someone owes money, like they have a mortgage...
00:28:58.000 It's not like you can't pay that money.
00:29:01.000 It's just more strategic.
00:29:03.000 As far as how much interest you can earn on your money, it's smarter in a lot of cases to keep paying it off as a mortgage than it is to just spend whatever he owed on it.
00:29:14.000 It was $20 million or something like that.
00:29:16.000 Take the $20 million out of his money.
00:29:17.000 But she's like, he could have done that if he wanted to.
00:29:20.000 So it wasn't like he wasn't broke at all.
00:29:22.000 Yeah.
00:29:22.000 But a lot of people thought that had an issue, too.
00:29:26.000 Just the fact that he's in failed relationships, it's depressing, and you know.
00:29:29.000 Yeah, I knew his first wife very well.
00:29:31.000 But, you know, the thing about him, when he won the Academy Award, I'll never forget it because it was like what Jamie Foxx won.
00:29:38.000 I go, wow.
00:29:39.000 We beat the grown-ups.
00:29:40.000 You know what I mean?
00:29:42.000 Because nobody ever takes, I mean, they were both serious parts, but nobody ever takes a comedian seriously for Academy Awards.
00:29:49.000 And Mike Myers in Austin Powers, to me, was an Academy Award-winning performer.
00:29:53.000 I really believe that, at that level, because it was as funny to me as anything.
00:29:58.000 But anyway, Robin was so fucking talented.
00:30:01.000 Think about that.
00:30:02.000 He's a very talented actor, man.
00:30:04.000 That movie One Hour Photo, did you ever see that?
00:30:06.000 That's one of my favorite movies.
00:30:07.000 Creepy fucking movie, man.
00:30:09.000 How many people saw that one?
00:30:10.000 Yeah, it was more of an independent.
00:30:12.000 That was one of the things that he was talking about, why he wound up doing that television show.
00:30:16.000 It was because it was an independent film situation where he was constantly getting these offers to do these films, and they barely even had funding.
00:30:26.000 And if they paid, they paid scale.
00:30:27.000 It was interesting jobs.
00:30:29.000 But he was like the big movies had kind of dried up for him for whatever reason.
00:30:33.000 Sometimes those movie star guys will go in these peaks and valleys.
00:30:37.000 Oh, definitely.
00:30:37.000 Like Kevin Costner.
00:30:38.000 He started to do movies recently, but remember after Waterworld?
00:30:42.000 It was like a long fucking time before anybody put that guy in a big movie again.
00:30:45.000 Did you actually see Robin's new show?
00:30:48.000 Unfortunately, I watched a few episodes of it, and I understand why I think it didn't work.
00:30:54.000 It just seemed very, very cheesy.
00:30:56.000 And maybe that might have been...
00:30:58.000 One of Robin's things because he was still playing a character that never really progressed in a way.
00:31:05.000 I'm still catching up on Seinfeld's I never saw.
00:31:07.000 What do you mean by a character that never really progressed?
00:31:10.000 Because if you ever see Robin Williams on The Tonight Show or any of those shows, he always does the same act where it's very...
00:31:18.000 Phrenetic?
00:31:19.000 Yeah, very crazy.
00:31:20.000 You almost can guess what he's about to do next.
00:31:25.000 To me, I loved it, but I also thought that when it was converted into a show, it was just too much.
00:31:32.000 It was just like, alright, this is so unrealistic and weird.
00:31:34.000 But he used to do that when he was on Mork and Mindy.
00:31:36.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying, though.
00:31:37.000 It's kind of like...
00:31:38.000 Well, the difference is he's 60 now.
00:31:40.000 Yeah.
00:31:40.000 That was 30 years ago, yeah.
00:31:41.000 You can't be a 30...
00:31:42.000 You could be a 30-year-old guy and be like, a fucking craze crazer!
00:31:45.000 Ha!
00:31:45.000 I'm from another planet!
00:31:46.000 Yeah!
00:31:47.000 But when you're 60, you know...
00:31:49.000 It's kind of like Jim Carrey doesn't do Jim Carrey as much anymore.
00:31:54.000 Like Ace Ventura.
00:31:55.000 Yeah, like if he was still doing Ace Ventura, then you made it a sitcom with a laugh track and it's like...
00:32:01.000 Yeah, like Man on the Moon when he did...
00:32:04.000 Is that what it was called?
00:32:05.000 Yeah.
00:32:07.000 When he did the Andy Kaufman movie.
00:32:08.000 Andy Kaufman, yeah.
00:32:09.000 Yeah.
00:32:09.000 Like, that was a great performance.
00:32:11.000 That was an Oscar-worthy performance.
00:32:12.000 I mean, he really nailed Andy Kaufman.
00:32:15.000 He really was Andy Kaufman in that role.
00:32:18.000 Yeah, it was amazing.
00:32:18.000 He did a great job.
00:32:19.000 But, like, when he does the Ace Ventura stuff, you can't really do that when you're 50 years old or whatever he is.
00:32:24.000 He's probably like 50, right?
00:32:25.000 Right.
00:32:26.000 You can't really do that.
00:32:27.000 You can't do it when you get out of breath.
00:32:29.000 Pratt falls.
00:32:31.000 Well, didn't Chevy Chase, like, fuck himself up from Pratt Falls?
00:32:35.000 Yeah, it was back when he used to do Gerald Ford.
00:32:38.000 He used to do Gerald Ford falling all the time.
00:32:40.000 He was the president at the time.
00:32:42.000 Because, again, Chevy Chase was only on for, I think, one year.
00:32:45.000 Really?
00:32:46.000 And became that famous over that one year.
00:32:48.000 Well, he was the first breakout star.
00:32:50.000 Yeah.
00:32:51.000 From Saturday Night Live, right?
00:32:52.000 Mm-hmm.
00:32:53.000 Yeah.
00:32:54.000 Huh.
00:32:55.000 Apparently, all those pratfalls really fucked them up.
00:32:59.000 Yeah, I've heard that.
00:33:00.000 I heard that about the Three Stooges, too.
00:33:01.000 Those guys were, like, punchy towards the end of their career because they were smacking each other so much.
00:33:05.000 You know...
00:33:05.000 Getting hit with shit.
00:33:07.000 Dunk.
00:33:08.000 What's a guy's name from Jackass?
00:33:11.000 Steve-O. No, not Steve-O. Johnny Knoxville.
00:33:13.000 Johnny.
00:33:14.000 I see him at the gym sometime, right?
00:33:17.000 We were talking.
00:33:17.000 I said, that's really cool.
00:33:18.000 You know, you guys are trained in stuntmen and stuff.
00:33:20.000 He goes...
00:33:21.000 We don't know a fucking thing.
00:33:22.000 We're just a bunch of assholes.
00:33:25.000 I didn't know that.
00:33:27.000 I thought they knew what they were doing.
00:33:28.000 They're fucking crazy.
00:33:30.000 Yeah, that's not a smart thing to do what they're doing.
00:33:32.000 Alligators biting your balls?
00:33:34.000 No.
00:33:35.000 They got lucky.
00:33:36.000 They got lucky that no one ever died doing that show.
00:33:39.000 But then that one guy died.
00:33:40.000 They're still doing it, though.
00:33:41.000 They're getting lucky still.
00:33:42.000 They're doing it still?
00:33:43.000 Yeah, they're still filming stuff together.
00:33:45.000 I think they might even be doing another jackass.
00:33:48.000 What happened with Steve-O when he painted that sign near SeaWorld?
00:33:52.000 SeaWorld sucks.
00:33:53.000 He climbed up, fell a bunch of times if you want to watch it online.
00:33:57.000 I mean, I don't know if he fell on purpose.
00:33:58.000 He's just being a silly goose the way he climbs the sign.
00:34:02.000 He climbs the sign.
00:34:03.000 It falls from like fucking 30 feet up and lands on the ground and somehow survives.
00:34:07.000 Did you ever see him do stand-up?
00:34:09.000 No.
00:34:11.000 That's bizarre.
00:34:12.000 Yeah.
00:34:12.000 Well, he does tell stories, right?
00:34:14.000 Yeah.
00:34:15.000 Yeah, I mean, he also, like, does some physical stuff.
00:34:17.000 He tries to fall and stuff.
00:34:18.000 That's what I saw with the laugh factor.
00:34:20.000 I don't know if that's part of his real act, but...
00:34:21.000 Some of it involves fire, depending on the comedy club, you know, and the fire licenses.
00:34:27.000 He does a lot of different acts.
00:34:29.000 Yeah.
00:34:30.000 I mean, he grew up, Ringling Brothers, Barney, he graduated from their college, so he used to be in the circus, so a lot of his shit is, like, active.
00:34:36.000 Can you imagine if you have a fucking business, you worked real hard, put together a comedy club, you hire a waitstaff, you get everything up and running, and Steve-O comes to town, he asks you if he could do fire on stage.
00:34:48.000 And you see your life falling apart for one fucking Thursday in November, and you're like, no.
00:34:54.000 No fire, dude.
00:34:56.000 No fire.
00:34:56.000 And then he's got the fire anyway.
00:34:58.000 I wrote it.
00:34:59.000 I wrote it.
00:34:59.000 Let me do the fire bit.
00:35:02.000 Yeah, one day.
00:35:04.000 That's not going to work.
00:35:05.000 One day something's going to go bad.
00:35:06.000 Doing fucking getting hit by bulls and getting launched into the air with a blindfold on.
00:35:11.000 You see that?
00:35:12.000 This was after Johnny Knoxville was a movie star.
00:35:14.000 He was already in movies with The Rock.
00:35:17.000 Remember?
00:35:17.000 He did that movie with The Rock.
00:35:18.000 After that, puts a blindfold on, lets a fucking bull launch him into the air.
00:35:24.000 Unbelievable.
00:35:24.000 And flips head over heel.
00:35:26.000 It could easily land on his neck.
00:35:28.000 These guys expend so much energy.
00:35:30.000 They're very mild when you talk to them.
00:35:33.000 They're very low-key.
00:35:33.000 Jim Carrey's like that.
00:35:35.000 Jim Carrey's like, you know, he's the wacky guy, and then he's...
00:35:39.000 You ever talk to him?
00:35:40.000 He's just so, like, mellow and down-to-earth.
00:35:42.000 He's like Steve Martin.
00:35:43.000 He's almost shy and doesn't really like to even talk to people, right?
00:35:46.000 Yeah.
00:35:47.000 He was such a dick to me.
00:35:48.000 I was doing...
00:35:49.000 Steve Martin was?
00:35:50.000 Yeah.
00:35:50.000 I mean...
00:35:51.000 You know, I was doing this thing for Comedy Central where before the awards shows, you would interview people.
00:35:57.000 Everybody was nice.
00:35:58.000 Jerry Lewis, Gary Shandling, all these guys.
00:36:01.000 Steve Martin, we asked him if we could interview him.
00:36:04.000 He said yeah, and then he wouldn't.
00:36:05.000 He was giving me one-word answers and just real smug.
00:36:08.000 I'm thinking, your fucking career was predicated by putting an arrow through your head.
00:36:12.000 Don't act so slick with me.
00:36:13.000 Why is he acting slick with me?
00:36:14.000 I don't know.
00:36:15.000 He's just grumpy.
00:36:17.000 I mean, don't do the interview if you're going to be like that.
00:36:19.000 Yeah, that's too bad.
00:36:21.000 That's too bad.
00:36:22.000 I think he was brilliant when he was a comic.
00:36:25.000 I mean, Let's Get Small, all that stuff.
00:36:28.000 Very brilliant, yeah.
00:36:29.000 Yeah.
00:36:29.000 I think what happened to him, though, is overload.
00:36:32.000 Like, if you talk to him, like, if you listen to him rather talk about it, he talks about how it got to a point where he can go on stage and anything he did, people laughed, so he couldn't figure out what was funny anymore.
00:36:42.000 They were just so happy to see him, and he was like, this is crazy.
00:36:45.000 So he just pulled out.
00:36:46.000 Pulled out of comedy.
00:36:47.000 Stopped doing stand-up.
00:36:49.000 Isn't that weird?
00:36:49.000 Crazy.
00:36:50.000 You couldn't do that, could you?
00:36:51.000 I don't know.
00:36:52.000 I mean, I guess I could.
00:36:53.000 Really?
00:36:53.000 I can't imagine you enough doing stand-up.
00:36:55.000 I could.
00:36:56.000 I wouldn't want to, but I could.
00:36:58.000 Yeah, I could.
00:36:59.000 You know what?
00:36:59.000 There's a lot of things I want to do, man.
00:37:01.000 I like doing stuff.
00:37:03.000 I'm writing a lot now, especially I'm writing a lot of stand-up because I'm getting ready to do a whole new hour.
00:37:09.000 I've got to put together a whole new hour.
00:37:11.000 It's really exciting.
00:37:12.000 But I'm also, I just started writing a book, too.
00:37:14.000 I'm writing a script.
00:37:15.000 I wrote this, not a script, another book, like a horror book, a monster movie book.
00:37:21.000 So I'm like, I don't have a bunch of shit I like to do.
00:37:24.000 So if someone said, you can't do stand-up anymore, I'd be like, man, I'm gonna miss stand-up.
00:37:28.000 But I gotta do all this other shit.
00:37:29.000 See, I don't have that.
00:37:30.000 Yeah, I like that.
00:37:31.000 I don't have that distraction.
00:37:32.000 I'm like a savant.
00:37:33.000 I keep myself busy.
00:37:34.000 See, for me, if I do only one thing, it doesn't sit well for me.
00:37:40.000 Well, you have a career nobody else has.
00:37:42.000 I mean, with the fights and everything, just the way your career, where you're acting, you know.
00:37:48.000 I mean, there are people that watch Fear Factor that didn't know you were a stand-up.
00:37:51.000 Yeah, well, I did a lot of things that didn't make any sense.
00:37:54.000 You know, they don't go together.
00:37:56.000 Like, being a stand-up and being a cage-fighting commentator, they don't really go together that good.
00:38:00.000 You're fucking great at that, man.
00:38:02.000 It's fun!
00:38:03.000 Well, you love it, and you know about it, and you break it down for people.
00:38:07.000 You know, I mean, I know you don't watch football, but I watch a lot of football, and there's a guy, John Gruden...
00:38:14.000 Do you watch football?
00:38:15.000 He talks about bubble screens and all this shit.
00:38:18.000 I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
00:38:19.000 You break it down so that a common person could understand what's going on.
00:38:23.000 Well, there's a thing that sportscasters like to do to let you know that they're in the know.
00:38:27.000 They use obscure lingo and jargon, and they do it on purpose.
00:38:30.000 I've heard guys do it with MMA. Wow.
00:38:48.000 Different camps do different shit.
00:38:50.000 Some camps, they'll hit them with the Aldo.
00:38:54.000 They'll come up with names for combinations.
00:38:56.000 They'll come up with names for certain techniques, like a shovel hook is the Razor Ruddock.
00:39:00.000 The Razor Ruddock, and they'll have different numbers.
00:39:03.000 Instead of one, two, three, they'll do it backwards.
00:39:05.000 They'll have a ten-strike combination, from ten being the head kick, nine being the knee to the body, seven being the elbow to the head.
00:39:15.000 They'll have a bunch of them.
00:39:16.000 So they'll have their own system so that no one knows what the fuck.
00:39:19.000 If you're in someone's corner and you're yelling out, hit him with the two, hit him with the two, the guy's going to look out for the right hand.
00:39:25.000 But if two is a roundhouse kick instead or a wheel kick or something else, they won't know.
00:39:31.000 So everybody mixes things up.
00:39:33.000 So when someone's like, you know, I think the two-three is going to be big for him in this fight.
00:39:37.000 Fuck you.
00:39:38.000 What are you doing?
00:39:38.000 You're just letting everybody know you're inside.
00:39:40.000 That's all you're doing.
00:39:41.000 You're giving them nonsense sports guy talk.
00:39:44.000 And you can't do that with fighting.
00:39:45.000 There's a lot of sports guy talk.
00:39:47.000 They like to insult athletes.
00:39:50.000 They like to insult players.
00:39:52.000 There's a certain amount of that.
00:39:53.000 But people don't tolerate that in MMA. It's a totally different kind of sport.
00:39:58.000 The people that have been really insulting about athletes, really insulting about calling them losers or fat or whatever, those people all get ostracized.
00:40:07.000 They all get pushed out.
00:40:08.000 Because there's such a tremendous...
00:40:10.000 The emotional burden of fighting, it's respected more.
00:40:16.000 There's going to be people that mock people when they lose, but a lot of those people are fucking teenagers or little kids.
00:40:21.000 People don't know about life.
00:40:23.000 But as far as journalists, the vast majority of ones are super negative journalists.
00:40:29.000 They get ostracized, which I think is a good thing.
00:40:32.000 I'll tell you what, the time that you invited us to Montreal, was that French-Canadian guy?
00:40:37.000 Georges St-Pierre.
00:40:38.000 That was one of the most exciting moments I've ever felt in my life, a positive energy.
00:40:43.000 Yeah, it was wild.
00:40:44.000 It was wild.
00:40:45.000 Yeah, they're always wild.
00:40:47.000 And thank God he won.
00:40:48.000 Yeah.
00:40:49.000 I can't imagine if he had lost.
00:40:50.000 Plus, the crowd was so much classier, because I've gone to professional wrestling years ago, and they all look like they were all cross-eyed.
00:40:59.000 A skate on his face!
00:41:01.000 Don't say that to Tony Hinchcliffe.
00:41:02.000 He'll get fucking angry.
00:41:03.000 Really?
00:41:04.000 Hit him with the point!
00:41:05.000 Tony Hinchcliffe was reading a book the other day.
00:41:07.000 A fucking pro-wrestling book on the insides of the business.
00:41:11.000 He subscribes to the channel and just sits there and watches every single Wrestlemania over and over again.
00:41:17.000 He was trying to explain to me how they write these story arcs.
00:41:21.000 He was right, though, that Brock Lesnar was going to beat John Cena.
00:41:24.000 He told me how it was going to happen.
00:41:25.000 We knew that was going to happen.
00:41:26.000 I don't know anything.
00:41:28.000 I don't know anything, man.
00:41:29.000 Of course he's going to.
00:41:30.000 But they admit that it's a show.
00:41:32.000 Well, they had to.
00:41:34.000 They had to for a bunch of reasons.
00:41:37.000 I think they had to for, like, tax purposes.
00:41:40.000 Like, that it's entertainment.
00:41:42.000 It's sports.
00:41:43.000 You know, it probably cost them money.
00:41:44.000 Right, right.
00:41:45.000 I think they had to also because otherwise they could be accused of fixing contests.
00:41:49.000 So they think they had to change it from being a sport to being entertainment.
00:41:53.000 People didn't give a fuck, though.
00:41:54.000 No, they don't care.
00:41:55.000 They didn't stop the ratings at all.
00:41:56.000 I think it's funny when the punch lands, like, a foot away from the guy's face.
00:41:59.000 The guy goes flying.
00:42:00.000 Oh!
00:42:01.000 Oh!
00:42:01.000 Yeah.
00:42:02.000 Well, they beat the fuck out of each other for real, too, though.
00:42:04.000 They do hit each other.
00:42:04.000 Oh, well, they're good athletes.
00:42:06.000 I mean, just flip it in the air and land it on your back.
00:42:08.000 I had to hit Kevin James with a punch on his show.
00:42:12.000 On Can Queens?
00:42:13.000 Yeah, and I was so upset because my left hand is so much better to my right.
00:42:17.000 So I threw this kind of half a fag punch with my right hand, and he goes flying down.
00:42:23.000 Why'd you have to throw a right?
00:42:24.000 Because they didn't accept your southpaw?
00:42:26.000 Yeah, the camera thing, whatever it was.
00:42:29.000 Sons of bitches.
00:42:30.000 I know.
00:42:30.000 That's ridiculous.
00:42:31.000 You should have stood your ground.
00:42:33.000 Say, look, I'm a lefty.
00:42:34.000 I wasn't in a position to, Joe, as a guest star.
00:42:37.000 I wasn't exactly an executive producer.
00:42:39.000 Tell the director to fucking switch it around.
00:42:41.000 Maybe we can go back and change it.
00:42:43.000 We should go back and post.
00:42:44.000 Film it upside down.
00:42:45.000 Brian knows Photoshop.
00:42:46.000 Yeah.
00:42:47.000 Switch that shit around.
00:42:48.000 He's a clever little son of a bitch, isn't he?
00:42:50.000 So when you threw the punch, how far away from him were you?
00:42:54.000 At that bar.
00:42:54.000 And it looked like I hit him.
00:42:56.000 Really?
00:42:56.000 And he went down, and he comes up with all ketchup in his mouth.
00:43:00.000 I accidentally hit a guy in a scene, and we were doing that hardball show.
00:43:04.000 I threw a punch, and they threw a beer, I think it was, in my face.
00:43:08.000 A fake beer.
00:43:10.000 And I was supposed to hit him afterwards, but because the fake beer hit my face, I was temporarily blinded.
00:43:17.000 And I tried to do it in front of his face or to the side of his face, and I accidentally nicked him.
00:43:24.000 I felt so bad.
00:43:25.000 I didn't hurt him, but it was just like, what an idiot.
00:43:28.000 Of all people, I used to do demonstrations pulling punches on people's face, and I accidentally hit this guy.
00:43:34.000 Do you have VHS copies of this show and can I transfer it online?
00:43:38.000 I probably have a couple.
00:43:40.000 The only thing I've ever been able to find is one or two screenshots.
00:43:44.000 Sony took it to where they drop all that nuclear waste in Nevada.
00:43:48.000 They opened up some canisters and they dropped all the master tapes in the nuclear waste so that no one would ever see it.
00:43:54.000 What was it, Sony?
00:43:54.000 Disney.
00:43:55.000 Disney took it.
00:43:56.000 Fox.
00:43:56.000 Fox.
00:43:56.000 That was the first gig you had, wasn't it?
00:43:57.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:43:58.000 First gig you had.
00:43:59.000 Yeah.
00:44:00.000 If it wasn't for that, nothing else, like I would have never gotten news radio, would have never gotten any of those things.
00:44:05.000 Because I got news radio because I was still out here.
00:44:09.000 And the reason why I was out here is for that hardball show.
00:44:11.000 If it wasn't for me signing a lease, because I wasn't going to sign a lease, like I was just going to rent at the Oakwoods.
00:44:17.000 Yeah.
00:44:18.000 You know, the Oakwoods is a thing that everybody does in L.A. When you're getting separated from your wife.
00:44:23.000 That's true.
00:44:25.000 Everybody does in L.A. when you move to town because they'll rent you a furnished place.
00:44:29.000 It already has a TV. It has cable already.
00:44:31.000 It has a bed.
00:44:32.000 It's almost like you move into an apartment that somebody else's shit is there.
00:44:37.000 It's not bad.
00:44:38.000 They have paintings on the walls.
00:44:40.000 It feels like an apartment.
00:44:41.000 That's what I got when I first...
00:45:00.000 Like a fucking moron.
00:45:08.000 And I signed the lease and I bought a TV and set it up.
00:45:11.000 I didn't even have a couch.
00:45:12.000 I was watching TV on the ground.
00:45:15.000 And then the fucking show got canceled.
00:45:17.000 I'm like, shit!
00:45:18.000 I'm stuck out here.
00:45:20.000 I was totally ready to go back to New York.
00:45:21.000 Can you imagine if that would have happened?
00:45:23.000 Your life would be totally different.
00:45:24.000 He'd have been doing Broadway.
00:45:25.000 Yeah, I would have been a dancer.
00:45:27.000 I would have been a dancer.
00:45:29.000 Natalie needs a nightie.
00:45:30.000 I just would have concentrated on stand-up.
00:45:32.000 I mean, I'd already done stand-up TV. I'd already done Caroline's Comedy Hour.
00:45:36.000 I'd already done MTV Half-Hour Comedy Hour.
00:45:37.000 I was already headlining nationally, so I was already making money as a comic.
00:45:41.000 It was just when it was starting to work for me.
00:45:44.000 So I probably would have just concentrated more on stand-up.
00:45:46.000 But yeah, definitely would have been different.
00:45:48.000 I never would have been on something like news radio, that's for sure.
00:45:50.000 Or you were working Dunkin' Donuts in Tower 7. Who knows?
00:45:53.000 I wasn't working in Dunkin' Donuts when I was 19. I remember bringing you up to Montreal at Club Soda.
00:46:00.000 Yeah, that was before I was on anything.
00:46:02.000 That was a long time ago.
00:46:03.000 You were a completely different kind of comedian.
00:46:05.000 You were.
00:46:06.000 I mean, you were always good, but you were different.
00:46:08.000 You didn't invest the energy that I remember that you could do later on with the new rules.
00:46:16.000 I just wasn't that good.
00:46:18.000 You know?
00:46:19.000 You were pretty good.
00:46:20.000 I was okay.
00:46:21.000 I just didn't know how to be the best version of me.
00:46:25.000 Right, right.
00:46:25.000 You know what I mean?
00:46:26.000 But I didn't have any insight either.
00:46:28.000 That was the other thing.
00:46:29.000 I was 24, 25 when we met, you know, when we first did Montreal.
00:46:33.000 Yeah.
00:46:33.000 Like, was it like 92 or something like that?
00:46:36.000 I don't know.
00:46:36.000 Something like that?
00:46:38.000 Somewhere around then, but I didn't, you know, I was an idiot.
00:46:42.000 It was just me being on stage.
00:46:44.000 It's just like a ridiculous proposition.
00:46:47.000 Like, who the fuck is this guy?
00:46:48.000 Why is he allowed to talk?
00:46:50.000 You know what I mean?
00:46:52.000 Well, I think you're being tough on yourself.
00:46:54.000 You were pretty good.
00:46:55.000 Now you're just so confident the energy is all there.
00:47:00.000 I don't know if people get too comfortable, but you can see it.
00:47:05.000 You know how you have a half a minute on stage where you're just thinking or something?
00:47:11.000 You're comfortable with that now.
00:47:12.000 You weren't comfortable with that then, and neither was I. Right, what you mean.
00:47:17.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:17.000 Yeah.
00:47:19.000 The pauses and just being in your own skin.
00:47:22.000 And the audience can sense when you're not comfortable.
00:47:24.000 It makes them uncomfortable and the whole thing goes wacky.
00:47:28.000 Plus back then, if anything went wrong, the fucking show was over.
00:47:32.000 I never pulled myself out of a downward spiral ever.
00:47:37.000 I would do great, great, great.
00:47:41.000 Once it started going down, the ship was going to hit the rocks.
00:47:44.000 There was no getting out of that.
00:47:45.000 Just save yourself.
00:47:47.000 Well, see I had the improv in those clubs in New York.
00:47:50.000 Where did you develop?
00:47:52.000 Well, mostly Boston up until, I guess it was right around the time I met you.
00:47:57.000 I was moving to New York.
00:47:58.000 It was 92-ish, somewhere around there.
00:48:00.000 I lived in New York from 92 to 94. And in 94, I was already going back and forth to LA. But all that, like 88 to 90-ish, maybe, I guess it was 90, 91, all that was in Boston.
00:48:14.000 And a lot of it was working all these outside bar gigs.
00:48:17.000 The bar gigs and clubs.
00:48:19.000 Do you remember when it clicked in for you?
00:48:23.000 Honestly, as a professional, I don't think it wasn't until I was like 10 years in.
00:48:27.000 When I did my first comedy CD, which is I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday, I did it at the Houston Laugh Stop.
00:48:33.000 I did that in 99. That was when I felt comfortable enough with what I had to put it on a CD. And yeah, I listened to it today.
00:48:41.000 I cringe.
00:48:42.000 But I felt comfortable enough after 10 years in, like, I think I can release something.
00:48:48.000 But I feel I'm better now than I was two years ago.
00:48:54.000 I know I am.
00:48:54.000 I work at it more.
00:48:56.000 I work at it more.
00:48:57.000 I'm more excited by it.
00:48:58.000 I wasn't that happy with my last special.
00:49:00.000 I was when I put it out.
00:49:01.000 And then when I started going over it, I was like, I could have done this better.
00:49:04.000 I was doing too many different things.
00:49:06.000 But this one, I did stand-up every night.
00:49:10.000 I did stand-up Sundays.
00:49:11.000 I did Tuesdays.
00:49:13.000 I took Mondays off, but almost every week I was doing Tuesday at the Ha Ha, Wednesday at the Improv.
00:49:19.000 It does help, man.
00:49:20.000 Fuck yeah, it does.
00:49:21.000 Fuck yeah, it does.
00:49:23.000 I look at my act now, the body of my work, if I may.
00:49:26.000 And I think, who the fuck wrote this?
00:49:29.000 Because how did I get this much shit?
00:49:31.000 Because if I had to write, sometimes I think, like, you know, do you write a lot?
00:49:37.000 I go, yeah, I write every day.
00:49:38.000 The problem is it's not that funny.
00:49:41.000 Other than that, I'm prolific.
00:49:43.000 Well, that's the difference between a guy like you and someone who is not disciplined.
00:49:47.000 Like, some people, they sit down and they write and it's not good and they just go, oh, fuck it.
00:49:51.000 And they stop writing and they'll take days off and they won't write.
00:49:54.000 But you've got to show up.
00:49:56.000 If you show up, the stuff shows up.
00:49:58.000 It's really that simple.
00:50:00.000 I had a guy on the podcast yesterday.
00:50:02.000 His name's Sam Harris.
00:50:03.000 He's a brilliant guy, neurosurgeon, or neuroscientist, rather, and knows a lot about the human mind.
00:50:09.000 And he was arguing, not arguing, but explaining the idea of determinism, that there is no real free will, that everything you do is a combination of your genes, your life experiences, the environment that you're in.
00:50:22.000 It was a really, really interesting argument.
00:50:25.000 You're saying there's no free will?
00:50:27.000 Yeah, you're saying there's no free will.
00:50:29.000 I see what he's saying.
00:50:31.000 I see what he's saying.
00:50:32.000 He's saying that the reason why you act the way you act is essentially based on all these factors that you have no control over, like your genes, your life experiences, all these different things.
00:50:44.000 But as a comic, I guess it's all those things that are leading me to invest more energy into it right now.
00:50:55.000 But whatever it is, free will, whatever the fuck it is, that's causing me to be excited about it now.
00:51:02.000 I'm as excited, if not more excited, by stand-up right now than I ever have been, ever.
00:51:07.000 I could see that.
00:51:08.000 So much more fun.
00:51:09.000 When you get on stage and you're already in a good mood because you're on stage.
00:51:12.000 I think I'm appreciating how awesome a gig it is, too.
00:51:15.000 Oh, I love it.
00:51:16.000 Re-appreciating.
00:51:17.000 I never lost appreciation for it, but I compare it to other things.
00:51:23.000 Well, you know, the thing is, for me, it's crossing generations.
00:51:26.000 I appreciate that so much.
00:51:28.000 And, like, I mean, of course, shows like yours help a lot, but it's amazing to me.
00:51:34.000 I was in Montreal.
00:51:35.000 True story.
00:51:36.000 Stop me if you heard this.
00:51:37.000 I was in Montreal, and this girl and her mother, you can see that they were related, come up to me.
00:51:44.000 They both wanted to fuck.
00:51:45.000 They wanted to suck my fucking hairy sausage.
00:51:50.000 Oh, easy!
00:51:51.000 She goes, the kid was nervous, you know?
00:51:52.000 And she said, are you Dom Rear?
00:51:54.000 I go, yeah.
00:51:55.000 And she goes, can we get a picture?
00:51:57.000 I said, of course.
00:51:57.000 And so the mother walks away to get a camera and the father.
00:52:00.000 I said to her, how old are you?
00:52:02.000 She goes, 12. I go, 12?
00:52:05.000 This is because of the internet, you know?
00:52:07.000 Wow.
00:52:07.000 And you know me?
00:52:08.000 She goes, listen, man.
00:52:11.000 She called me dude.
00:52:13.000 She goes, listen, dude.
00:52:14.000 I've been a fan of yours since I was seven.
00:52:16.000 I said seven.
00:52:17.000 I didn't know I had any single-digit fans.
00:52:20.000 Wow.
00:52:21.000 Isn't that incredible?
00:52:22.000 That's wild.
00:52:23.000 A 12-year-old has been a fan since they were seven.
00:52:26.000 She says, funny's funny.
00:52:28.000 And I said, you know, we're so different.
00:52:30.000 It's a different generation, different world.
00:52:32.000 And I said, I can't believe your parents will let you watch a pig like me.
00:52:36.000 She goes, well, you know, the internet, you can watch anything.
00:52:39.000 Dom in six years, you're going to be fucking her.
00:52:42.000 That's where it gets dark.
00:52:43.000 I look forward to that show.
00:52:45.000 You will, too.
00:52:45.000 I know you, you son of a bitch.
00:52:47.000 I need two years to get hard now.
00:52:49.000 I'm glad you gave me these six years heads up.
00:52:52.000 Just save up the loads.
00:52:53.000 Oh, boy.
00:52:54.000 Don't have any of those three-quarter erection ejaculation moments.
00:52:57.000 Oh, no, that's sad.
00:52:59.000 A limp dick?
00:53:01.000 Well, you jerk it off with a limp dick and you comment anyway and you're like, oh no.
00:53:05.000 Why are those words the funniest words still?
00:53:07.000 Limp dick.
00:53:08.000 Limp dick jizz.
00:53:09.000 I jizzed all over the world.
00:53:11.000 Limp dick is always funny.
00:53:12.000 Limp dick is funny.
00:53:13.000 Because it's embarrassing.
00:53:14.000 It's inherently embarrassing.
00:53:15.000 I wouldn't know.
00:53:16.000 Never?
00:53:17.000 I'm hard now.
00:53:18.000 Whoa!
00:53:19.000 Hey!
00:53:20.000 You're like Liberace!
00:53:22.000 Liberace had one of his balls.
00:53:23.000 It was a pump.
00:53:25.000 Air Max.
00:53:26.000 I'm not kidding.
00:53:27.000 No, I'm not kidding.
00:53:28.000 Yeah, he had a pump.
00:53:30.000 There's a thing that guys do when they get erectile dysfunction that they used to do, I should say.
00:53:35.000 That's a thing Stallone had?
00:53:37.000 I don't know about that.
00:53:38.000 I heard Stallone like the lie in the glass while girls shit on them.
00:53:41.000 Oh, I thought that was dating.
00:53:42.000 That's what I had heard.
00:53:44.000 Danny Thomas?
00:53:45.000 Yeah.
00:53:45.000 That was him too.
00:53:45.000 I wasn't gonna say it.
00:53:46.000 They did it together.
00:53:47.000 They jerked each other off while they watched it.
00:53:49.000 But that's not really fair.
00:53:50.000 It's not shitting on a table.
00:53:52.000 It's biological.
00:53:53.000 You know, you're watching it expand.
00:53:55.000 It's really cool.
00:53:56.000 Yeah, it's like when a little kid plays with Play-Doh and they have the factory and they wind it up and it comes out.
00:54:02.000 That's what it's like.
00:54:03.000 You were the one that told me about that a long time ago when we first started looking up shit on the internet about some Japanese guys getting shit on.
00:54:11.000 Well, there's a lot of videos of people that would like shit in each other's mouths and stuff and you can't believe it's real, but when you watch it, there's some fake ones like Two Girls, One Cup, they like put ice cream up their ass or whatever the fuck they put up there that wasn't exactly shit.
00:54:25.000 I hate that.
00:54:26.000 Apparently you can get some severe diabetes from that.
00:54:28.000 Get all that sugar up your butthole.
00:54:30.000 But I don't think they're concerned about those girls.
00:54:32.000 No, I don't think that would be their first worry.
00:54:34.000 There's plenty of videos, though, of people eating shit.
00:54:37.000 It's apparently, it's a genre.
00:54:40.000 You know, some folks enjoy watching it.
00:54:42.000 I've had it in my mouth once.
00:54:43.000 Really?
00:54:44.000 Yeah.
00:54:47.000 He's thinking about asking.
00:54:48.000 He's like, I shouldn't.
00:54:51.000 Oh, no.
00:54:52.000 No need.
00:54:54.000 Who was it?
00:54:54.000 Did you know her?
00:54:55.000 I knew her very well.
00:54:57.000 He was sleeping in the same bed as her.
00:54:58.000 Did you do a bit on that?
00:54:59.000 It's outside.
00:54:59.000 Yeah.
00:55:00.000 Oh, okay.
00:55:01.000 I thought I heard it before.
00:55:02.000 It's a true story, Dominic.
00:55:05.000 It's not a happy story, but it is a true story.
00:55:10.000 It gets dark out there.
00:55:13.000 That's interesting.
00:55:14.000 That's a weird fetish.
00:55:15.000 That wasn't his idea, though.
00:55:16.000 That was just an accident.
00:55:18.000 She was an accident, right?
00:55:19.000 Some people, they're shit in each other's mouth.
00:55:21.000 They go, okay, let's meet here at 2 o'clock and I'm going to shit in your mouth.
00:55:25.000 Yes, I'll be there.
00:55:26.000 How do you get to that point?
00:55:28.000 You've done every perversion there is, so you get to that point.
00:55:32.000 Well, that's why what Sam Harris says is so fascinating.
00:55:34.000 Because if determinism is true, that means that you're not even responsible for letting someone shit in your mouth.
00:55:39.000 It's like all these variables have played a part in your being, who you are at this moment, lying there on this stainless steel table while this Japanese guy hovers over your face.
00:55:48.000 Japanese guy?
00:55:49.000 Yeah, he pulls his sack up so his balls don't get shit on and dumps one right down your fucking mouth.
00:55:57.000 Oh, God.
00:56:00.000 I don't know why.
00:56:02.000 I don't know.
00:56:03.000 I don't know a lot of things, though.
00:56:04.000 I don't understand the Grateful Dead.
00:56:06.000 You know?
00:56:07.000 Why they're such a phenomenon?
00:56:08.000 I don't get why anybody listens to that and likes it.
00:56:10.000 I don't get it.
00:56:11.000 I understand that you like it, but I'm just being honest.
00:56:14.000 No, I don't like it.
00:56:14.000 Not you, but anybody who's listening to this.
00:56:16.000 Like, I get that sunk trucking.
00:56:18.000 I get a touch of gray.
00:56:20.000 I've heard a bunch of it are pretty good.
00:56:22.000 To be a deadhead seems a little over the top.
00:56:25.000 My cousin traveled around the country with him.
00:56:28.000 I used to.
00:56:29.000 You used to travel the country?
00:56:30.000 I mean, I went to three shows, but he died right when I got into him.
00:56:33.000 Garcia?
00:56:34.000 Oh, that's so funny.
00:56:35.000 He's like, fuck this guy.
00:56:36.000 I'm just going to kill myself.
00:56:37.000 You know what it was also about, though?
00:56:39.000 What a lot of people forget is that it was also people that you knew that also liked to smoke marijuana when it was really, really illegal.
00:56:47.000 So it was like this group thing of like, hey, we all like to do psychedelics and mushrooms and smoke weed and And that was a lot of it.
00:56:55.000 Yeah, well, there's also a thing that happens when you're on a drug, when you listen to something, where it just sounds totally different than if you're not on that drug.
00:57:03.000 That's a reality that I experienced recently with...
00:57:08.000 What's called an Icaro.
00:57:10.000 An Icaro is this thing that they play when there's ayahuasca ceremonies are going on.
00:57:18.000 And if you take DMT and you listen to this Icaro, you see these things play out in front of you.
00:57:24.000 Tony's going to talk about it tomorrow.
00:57:26.000 Tony and I will talk about it tomorrow because we did it together.
00:57:28.000 You did?
00:57:29.000 In Texas.
00:57:29.000 With these Icaros.
00:57:31.000 But it's this crazy fucking sound that's...
00:57:35.000 That's playing, that is like, it's really wild because the sound somehow or another affects the music, or the images you see, rather.
00:57:44.000 This is it.
00:57:52.000 This is all these shamans in the Amazon, and they play this, and while you're on DMT and you do this, the images and these elves in this hallucination, or whatever you want to call it, they dance to this music, and it's fucking crazy,
00:58:08.000 man.
00:58:08.000 It makes the whole thing...
00:58:11.000 It makes the whole thing even more bizarre.
00:58:13.000 But what's weird is that these songs were actually designed to be used that way.
00:58:19.000 They were all made by these trippers in the Amazon, and they're all using rattles and shit, and they're whistling.
00:58:25.000 Listen to this.
00:58:36.000 It sounds like really simple music, right?
00:58:38.000 If you listen to that, I'm like, dude, you need to download this.
00:58:40.000 You'll be like, bitch, get the fuck out of here.
00:58:41.000 I'm listening to some asshole whistle and slap his thigh.
00:58:44.000 But if you listen to it, when you're under the influence of DMT, it's amazing.
00:58:49.000 It's like they dance to the music.
00:58:52.000 It's really, really weird.
00:58:53.000 With all psychedelics, though, music is very, very important with mushrooms and everything, because I've really changed a whole mushroom trip before just on the music I listen to, being like Pink Floyd or doing some kind of more drum-type stuff.
00:59:07.000 See, I think that would kill me.
00:59:08.000 Yeah.
00:59:08.000 No, I'm serious.
00:59:10.000 If I took mushrooms or anything hallucinogenic, I'm so close to the fucking edge anyway that I need tranquilizers.
00:59:18.000 You're that close to the edge?
00:59:19.000 Living on the edge!
00:59:22.000 Aerosmith!
00:59:24.000 Something wrong with the world today I don't know what it is Something wrong with the eyes This is another one.
00:59:34.000 This is one of my favorites.
00:59:36.000 I like that.
00:59:39.000 It's kind of like the last thing you hear when walking down a dark alley about to get raped by some guy.
00:59:43.000 I was thinking of an open wheat field.
00:59:47.000 You didn't really even think that.
00:59:49.000 You just went with that because you thought it would be an interesting thing to say.
00:59:52.000 No, the first one I did because I was thinking of a guy whistling and walking slowly down an alley.
00:59:57.000 Stroking his cock?
01:00:00.000 That would be terrible if a guy was raping you while doing this.
01:00:04.000 If your mind went there and you're getting raped by dragons and...
01:00:08.000 Have you hallucinated?
01:00:09.000 When?
01:00:10.000 Right now?
01:00:10.000 No.
01:00:11.000 Have you hallucinated?
01:00:12.000 What do you mean?
01:00:12.000 In real life or with drugs?
01:00:14.000 With drugs.
01:00:14.000 Yeah!
01:00:16.000 Hello?
01:00:18.000 I don't know.
01:00:19.000 I mean, I don't know if I'm really seeing elves.
01:00:21.000 Maybe I'm really seeing elves, but I'm assuming that it's a hallucination.
01:00:24.000 Well, you don't hallucinate on pot.
01:00:25.000 No.
01:00:26.000 Well, you can if you eat it.
01:00:27.000 If you eat it and you close your eyes, you definitely hallucinate.
01:00:30.000 For sure.
01:00:30.000 If you eat a large dose, like if you have a cookie, like a strong cookie, and then you lay down and close your eyes, you see bizarre shit.
01:00:38.000 That would scare the shit out of me.
01:00:39.000 Oh, it should.
01:00:41.000 But that's part of the whole thing, is that it scares the shit out of you, and then when it's over, you feel better.
01:00:47.000 I was asking Joey Diaz last night about...
01:00:49.000 I said, do you ever go a day without eating pot?
01:00:51.000 He goes, yeah, of course I do.
01:00:53.000 I said, does it bother you?
01:00:54.000 He goes, no, I smoke.
01:00:56.000 I tried it once in the 60s.
01:00:58.000 It's overrated.
01:00:59.000 Yeah, he's taking it to another level.
01:01:03.000 He definitely...
01:01:03.000 He does take...
01:01:05.000 You know, he takes days off of edibles.
01:01:08.000 Yeah, that's what he said.
01:01:09.000 Edibles can fuck with you, man.
01:01:11.000 They can give you panic attacks.
01:01:13.000 I've been with Joey when he was getting like a panic attack.
01:01:17.000 We were on a plane.
01:01:18.000 Really?
01:01:19.000 And he's eating these things called Chiba Chews.
01:01:21.000 Let me tell you about Chiba Chews, Dom Herrera.
01:01:24.000 I don't ever eat a whole Chiba Chew.
01:01:26.000 I mean ever.
01:01:27.000 Ever.
01:01:28.000 I saw Joey eat three of them.
01:01:31.000 Three.
01:01:32.000 Oh my god.
01:01:33.000 Three Chiba Chews.
01:01:36.000 And you don't even eat one?
01:01:37.000 If you ate three Chiba Chews and you listen to this and you close your eyes...
01:01:44.000 You would see the most bizarre shit ever.
01:01:47.000 Dancing fluorescent cartoon characters fucking and creating new cartoon characters that are separating and dividing like cells.
01:01:58.000 You'd see your whole childhood play out.
01:02:01.000 In a cartoon form, like a comic strip, you can see anything.
01:02:05.000 You will hallucinate.
01:02:07.000 Like, that's a massive, massive dose of THC. Now, how did he walk from the plane to the car?
01:02:13.000 He didn't.
01:02:13.000 He sat in that plane for five hours while he flew across the country.
01:02:16.000 And then when it landed, he goes, Joe Rogan, I almost had a fucking panic attack on that plane.
01:02:20.000 Was he okay by the time he landed?
01:02:22.000 Basically, yeah.
01:02:23.000 He recovers quickly.
01:02:26.000 THC, well, marijuana when you eat it, produces a psychoactive chemical called 11-hydroxy metabolite, and it's about five times more psychoactive than THC. It's much more like mushrooms, much more like a psychedelic than marijuana.
01:02:41.000 So marijuana just gets you high, but that 5-hydroxy will fucking kick your dick into the dirt.
01:02:47.000 It's one of the reasons why when people eat cookies, they always say, oh, it was laced, man, it was laced.
01:02:53.000 That wasn't laced.
01:02:54.000 That's what happens.
01:02:55.000 When you eat a lot of it especially, I had one of the most frightening moments of my life.
01:02:59.000 I took a marijuana pill.
01:03:02.000 And I was talking to this guy that turned out to be a rapist.
01:03:04.000 Turned out to eventually...
01:03:06.000 He eventually went to jail for rape.
01:03:08.000 He was a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt.
01:03:10.000 And he fled while he was on this...
01:03:15.000 They were looking for him.
01:03:16.000 So he fled and moved to the Pacific Northwest.
01:03:19.000 Started doing jiu-jitsu again.
01:03:22.000 Even though they were looking for him.
01:03:24.000 Couldn't stop doing jiu-jitsu because he liked to do it so much.
01:03:27.000 And I was at this...
01:03:31.000 Grappling event, and he had competed in this grappling event, and I had taken this pill, and I was way too high to be out in public.
01:03:38.000 It was confusing.
01:03:40.000 It was really like, whoa.
01:03:41.000 It was one of the first times I was ever really, really big.
01:03:44.000 But he and I were talking, and when we were talking, I was like, wow, there's a distinct...
01:03:54.000 We're good to go.
01:04:06.000 He might, like, stomp somebody to death.
01:04:08.000 You know what I mean?
01:04:09.000 Like, you might see him do that.
01:04:11.000 Like, don't do it!
01:04:11.000 Stop doing it!
01:04:12.000 You know, like, he wouldn't...
01:04:13.000 I don't...
01:04:14.000 You know, there was, like, an edge that he had that he had crossed over.
01:04:18.000 And I was feeling that when I was on the pills.
01:04:22.000 And then, like, a couple months later, the guy goes to jail or gets indicted and, you know, and then flees and then winds up going to jail later when he's still doing jiu-jitsu.
01:04:30.000 Because they had found him in some school.
01:04:33.000 Because he was a really high-level black belt.
01:04:35.000 There's not that many guys that are capable of tapping out other black belts.
01:04:39.000 So when some guy comes into your school out of nowhere, and he starts strangling your instructor, everybody's like, what the fuck is going on?
01:04:46.000 You try to pretend he was some guy from Brazil.
01:04:49.000 And everybody's like, but he's American.
01:04:51.000 What the fuck's going on?
01:04:52.000 He's in jail now?
01:04:53.000 He's in jail now.
01:04:54.000 Yeah.
01:04:55.000 Wow.
01:04:57.000 But it's those goddamn pills.
01:04:59.000 I saw into his soul.
01:05:01.000 I didn't like it, Dom.
01:05:03.000 I don't even like hearing it.
01:05:04.000 I started thinking I'm going to get it over the air.
01:05:08.000 But in the context of that story, is the song any better?
01:05:12.000 Yeah.
01:05:13.000 No, I like this.
01:05:17.000 Why you don't like it?
01:05:18.000 When you're high as fuck and you hear this, it's the greatest song of all time.
01:05:21.000 That's why I downloaded it.
01:05:22.000 I had to keep it.
01:05:23.000 I wanted it to be a part of my life.
01:05:26.000 What language?
01:05:27.000 Are they singing anything?
01:05:28.000 Or just making noises?
01:05:29.000 No, there's words to it.
01:05:32.000 I don't know what the words are.
01:05:33.000 This one, there's words to it.
01:05:35.000 Obviously, the other ones didn't have that.
01:05:36.000 They're from the Amazon?
01:05:37.000 Yeah.
01:05:38.000 Yeah, that's the real deal.
01:05:39.000 Peruvian, so I guess it must be some form of...
01:05:43.000 I don't know what...
01:05:45.000 I mean, it's not Spanish.
01:05:47.000 No, it's native.
01:05:48.000 Yeah, but Peru, they speak Spanish mostly.
01:05:50.000 I think they speak a bunch of different languages.
01:05:52.000 They have a native tongue.
01:05:53.000 Yeah.
01:05:54.000 In the Amazon.
01:05:55.000 A couple...
01:05:55.000 It's wild shit, man.
01:05:57.000 That's a crazy place to live.
01:05:58.000 But this is their technology.
01:06:00.000 This is the technology that they've invented to try to enhance or change these psychedelic trips that they go on.
01:06:08.000 Very, very weird.
01:06:10.000 Do you ever get stuck in one and you think you can't get out of it?
01:06:13.000 No.
01:06:14.000 I've gotten...
01:06:15.000 I had one that I did a few years back that fucked me up for a couple weeks afterwards.
01:06:23.000 Like, it was so intense that for a couple weeks afterwards, I was really worried that, like, reality itself had gotten...
01:06:29.000 The way I described it was reality was too slippery.
01:06:32.000 Like, it didn't make sense.
01:06:35.000 Like, I'd get these thoughts on my head.
01:06:36.000 Like, I'd be driving on the highway.
01:06:37.000 I'm like, what if a car flips the divide and comes towards me right now?
01:06:41.000 Like, I'm like, why am I thinking this?
01:06:43.000 You know?
01:06:43.000 And I think...
01:06:44.000 What were you working on then?
01:06:46.000 On this?
01:06:46.000 Fear Factor.
01:06:47.000 No, just post-Fear Factor.
01:06:49.000 So nothing.
01:06:50.000 Just doing stand-up.
01:06:51.000 Oh, okay.
01:06:52.000 You were still at the Comedy Store because I remember you talking to me about this.
01:06:56.000 So that was 2007, maybe?
01:06:58.000 2006, maybe.
01:07:00.000 Was it that long ago?
01:07:03.000 Yeah.
01:07:04.000 Yeah, because we stopped going to Comedy Store at 2007. I feel like it was post that, Brian.
01:07:10.000 That's so long ago.
01:07:11.000 Yeah.
01:07:11.000 I think they bet on the wrong horse.
01:07:13.000 That doesn't make any sense.
01:07:14.000 I remember we were in the back alley behind where the back door is.
01:07:17.000 I had a few that fucked me up.
01:07:18.000 I don't know if this is the same one.
01:07:19.000 You said life is slippery and you were like, you just saw a ghost and I'm like, did you do this last night?
01:07:23.000 And you were like, no, this is like four days ago.
01:07:25.000 And I'm like, what?
01:07:26.000 I'm not sure if our timelines are correct here.
01:07:29.000 Anyway, that's not important.
01:07:31.000 The important thing was it took about...
01:07:32.000 I think what was going on for about two weeks after this experience was that it was so ego-shattering.
01:07:41.000 The psychedelic trip was so...
01:07:44.000 It so changed my idea of what was important and my position in my own universe.
01:07:51.000 Instead of me being the center of my own universe, I became this piece in this gigantic fractal.
01:07:59.000 It was very weird.
01:08:01.000 If you're clinging to this idea...
01:08:05.000 What makes you successful?
01:08:06.000 What makes you push forward?
01:08:08.000 Well, I know you personally.
01:08:09.000 I know you enjoy killing.
01:08:11.000 You like going up there and you like being a great comic.
01:08:15.000 There's a reason why you're a great comic.
01:08:17.000 You worked at it, you like it, you enjoy it, you go up, you do it, and you take pride in that.
01:08:23.000 Well, when you have a really intense psychedelic experience, one of the weird things that happens is your idea of who you are, the you thing, the you part of it, which was so natural and normal, kind of dissolves.
01:08:34.000 So I think my ego, by worrying about all this shit, by worrying about cars flipping into my lane or weird things happening, it was almost like my ego was trying to present me with a bunch of different dangers.
01:08:48.000 And these dangers...
01:08:53.000 We're good to go.
01:08:56.000 We're good to go.
01:09:12.000 And it's fractal.
01:09:13.000 It folds into itself and expands onto infinity.
01:09:16.000 And you could pretend you're important all day long, but you're not.
01:09:20.000 It's impossible for you.
01:09:21.000 You're a part of the universal soup of not just consciousness, but of atoms and subatomic particles and all these different things fold into each other.
01:09:29.000 And it was so humbling that I think my ego was trying to battle it.
01:09:36.000 I think my ego was trying to reclaim ground.
01:09:37.000 And the way to do that was to make me paranoid, to make me worry about shit.
01:09:41.000 Usually, I'm aware when I drive, but I don't usually think, like, what if a car flips over that lane?
01:09:46.000 What if a car comes out?
01:09:48.000 One of the things that they used to connect DMT with when they were first experimenting with it, they thought it causes psychosis, and they thought maybe it exists in higher doses in people that are psychotic.
01:10:05.000 That's one of the reasons why they're nutty.
01:10:07.000 They're nutty because their brain is producing all these weird chemicals that have been shown to be produced by the body that also produce hallucinations.
01:10:15.000 It might be.
01:10:17.000 Did you see those Twitter images about that guy who has pineal cancer?
01:10:23.000 Joe, one of your original DMT trips, you talked about how you met some kind of visual spirit or something like that, and he was tailing you like 3,000 million times or whatever that was.
01:10:33.000 Do you still talk to that exact same guy, or is there a new guy who got fired?
01:10:40.000 There's a part that you go to that's like the same place, and the part you go to is like...
01:10:48.000 We're good to go.
01:11:02.000 And sometimes they talk to you in English.
01:11:06.000 This last time, they were talking to me in a language that wasn't even real.
01:11:11.000 They were talking to me and they were saying words.
01:11:16.000 They were saying things that didn't make any sense and showing you things.
01:11:20.000 And if you thought negative in any way, they would go like this.
01:11:26.000 Your finger would shake back and forth.
01:11:28.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:11:29.000 And then if you calmed yourself and thought positive, that would calm down.
01:11:33.000 But it was like letting you know every time you slipped into any sort of a negative pattern of thinking.
01:11:37.000 And it was exposing a lot of the ideas that I was thinking that were important, that weren't important at all.
01:11:44.000 It's all ego-based ideas.
01:11:46.000 Ideas about...
01:11:47.000 You know, how you dress or how you look or, you know, whether your car is dirty and whether you're not, you know, whether you make X amount a year or Y amount a year, whether you, you know, all these ideas that we have connected together.
01:12:03.000 To ourselves that like infest our brain and they're there all the time.
01:12:06.000 It was letting me know like you're spending too much time thinking about stuff that's not important.
01:12:11.000 It's like showing it to me like over and over and over again.
01:12:14.000 But it didn't do that thing where it says I love you.
01:12:16.000 It didn't say look at this.
01:12:18.000 Like the one time it was like they were like I love you 600 million 500 thousand times.
01:12:23.000 Look at this.
01:12:24.000 Wow.
01:12:25.000 And every time they would say, look at this, it would become this even more beautiful thing.
01:12:29.000 Well, that's good.
01:12:30.000 It was weird.
01:12:31.000 But this one, again, I did to these Icaros, these songs.
01:12:35.000 You're going to do it tomorrow?
01:12:36.000 No.
01:12:37.000 Why?
01:12:37.000 You want to get out?
01:12:38.000 No, no, no.
01:12:38.000 Want to get in on this?
01:12:40.000 Joe, I can't do...
01:12:41.000 If I do three teaspoons of cough medicine, I get fucking shaky.
01:12:44.000 That's not true, but you could have a drink.
01:12:47.000 You can have a little Xanax.
01:12:49.000 Have a little of that.
01:12:50.000 I don't drink with Xanax.
01:12:52.000 Why?
01:12:52.000 What happens?
01:12:53.000 Well, your heart slows down too much.
01:12:55.000 Oh.
01:12:55.000 A lot of people die from tranquilizer alcohol mix.
01:12:58.000 Yeah, I gotta work for those people.
01:13:00.000 What?
01:13:00.000 Pussies.
01:13:02.000 You're a pussy for dying.
01:13:03.000 Pussy.
01:13:03.000 You can't take a little fucking Valium and a little whiskey?
01:13:06.000 No, you shouldn't.
01:13:08.000 That's how Merle Haggard became famous.
01:13:10.000 That's how Johnny Cash made his songs.
01:13:11.000 You gotta do it, son.
01:13:13.000 Mix it up.
01:13:14.000 All those country music guys used to fucking party hard.
01:13:16.000 That was a big shocker to people that saw that Johnny Cash movie, Walk the Line.
01:13:22.000 Everybody was like, what?
01:13:23.000 They were all pilled up?
01:13:24.000 Like, what the fuck?
01:13:25.000 Oh, yeah.
01:13:25.000 Fuck, yeah.
01:13:27.000 A lot of musicians, musicians, they used to call it, what did they call it before?
01:13:32.000 Marijuana?
01:13:33.000 Before it was called weed.
01:13:35.000 I forget, but anyway, it's like...
01:13:37.000 Grass?
01:13:38.000 Maybe grass, yeah.
01:13:40.000 What's that noise?
01:13:42.000 Is that outside?
01:13:43.000 Yeah.
01:13:44.000 It's that song coming back.
01:13:47.000 Well, this is a very different podcast, Joe.
01:13:52.000 I never thought I'd get nervous on your podcast.
01:13:54.000 Are you nervous?
01:13:55.000 Well, the head stuff gets me a little.
01:13:58.000 Does it?
01:13:58.000 Then you should do it.
01:13:59.000 Fuck no.
01:14:00.000 No!
01:14:01.000 It would kill me.
01:14:03.000 They give you the finger.
01:14:05.000 They look like Jokers.
01:14:06.000 They have like Joker masks on.
01:14:08.000 You see them when your eyes are open or your eyes are closed?
01:14:11.000 Your eyes are closed.
01:14:12.000 You see them way more visual.
01:14:14.000 The visuals are way more potent than anything you could ever see with your eyes open.
01:14:18.000 They give you the finger.
01:14:19.000 They're spinning around giving you the finger.
01:14:21.000 They're spiteful little bastards.
01:14:22.000 Well, they're having fun with you.
01:14:23.000 They're letting you know.
01:14:24.000 I think it's their way of telling you not to take yourself seriously.
01:14:28.000 What do you think?
01:14:29.000 Look where we are.
01:14:30.000 You take yourself seriously, dude, we're in another dimension and we're fucking mocking you.
01:14:35.000 But you're creating it, right?
01:14:36.000 Your brain's creating it.
01:14:36.000 I don't know.
01:14:37.000 Yeah, I would think so.
01:14:39.000 You think there's really something out there?
01:14:42.000 I don't know.
01:14:43.000 And this is the best way to describe it.
01:14:45.000 I don't know what life is.
01:14:48.000 I think life itself, like this life that we live, if it didn't exist...
01:14:53.000 If you said, if you just, you know, you were creating a universe, you had no point of reference, and you said, we're going to have a bunch of people that the way they interact and let each other know what's on their mind is they make noises with their face.
01:15:09.000 And then everybody's noises are different depending on what patch of land you're in.
01:15:13.000 And those noises represent, like, shit that we've written down with symbols.
01:15:19.000 But everybody's symbols are different, too.
01:15:21.000 Like, there's some similar ones that a lot of people use in different places, but then the Russians, they change them up, and the Chinese change them, and the Japanese have their own system, and the Koreans have their own shit, and then the Spanish people use fucking, like...
01:15:34.000 Water slides over the top of their ends.
01:15:36.000 You know, everything's weird, right?
01:15:38.000 And the only way they communicate with each other is by doing this.
01:15:41.000 And then someone came along and they invented a translator.
01:15:43.000 So you take a copy, big slabs of text, you throw it into Google Translate, then it spits back up some broken English version of what that person is saying.
01:15:54.000 Just that alone is weird.
01:15:55.000 The fact that there's a planet with these types of people, these entities, and they're sending photos of each other.
01:16:01.000 They're flying in metal tubes.
01:16:04.000 They're broadcasting video through the sky, and you can pick it up on your phone, and you can watch it.
01:16:11.000 I mean, that alone is very psychedelic.
01:16:14.000 It's just we don't think of it because we keep doing it.
01:16:17.000 What we do as comedians is entirely psychedelic.
01:16:20.000 When you're on stage this weekend at the Laugh Factor, and you're killing When you're doing that, that's like a form of mass hypnosis.
01:16:30.000 You got those people locked into the way you're thinking, and you're doing something to their body.
01:16:36.000 By you talking, and you talking in this expert rhythm of the master stand-up comedian and Hitting all the punchlines and thank you, goodnight, and they're like, what a show!
01:16:46.000 They laughed and all you did was make noises with your mouth that represent ideas that you can introduce into their head that they wouldn't have ordinarily pieced together like that.
01:16:55.000 You don't really know my act.
01:16:56.000 I know how you work!
01:16:58.000 But that's psychedelic.
01:17:00.000 So what is going on when you take a drug and you see these things with your eyes closed?
01:17:05.000 I'm not sure.
01:17:06.000 Because it seems like they're way fucking smarter than me.
01:17:09.000 It seems like they're mocking me, they understand me, and they're so beyond anything that I could ever experience on this planet.
01:17:18.000 It seems like...
01:17:19.000 I don't know if there is anything other than this dimension.
01:17:24.000 I don't know.
01:17:25.000 But scientists seem to explain it in some sort of a way, where I'm willing to listen to them, but I don't...
01:17:32.000 There's definitely something else, whether, I mean, just the fact that this is all atoms, and it's moving, everything's moving, is beyond my scope.
01:17:42.000 I mean, I can't, like you said something one time, and I think we were sitting on stage, about, you know, we have no control over our journey through space as a planet.
01:17:53.000 Yeah.
01:17:54.000 And the thing that's interesting to me is we have absolutely no control.
01:17:58.000 I mean, if this planet just dropped, For some gravitational reason.
01:18:03.000 There's nothing we could do.
01:18:04.000 What if it just started falling?
01:18:06.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:18:07.000 There's a whole solar system, everything's spinning, and our planet just drops.
01:18:12.000 What would we do?
01:18:13.000 I mean, we're going, oh, fuck!
01:18:14.000 Get in my spaceship.
01:18:15.000 Somebody put something in my drink?
01:18:17.000 There's nothing you can do.
01:18:19.000 Yeah, we're fleas.
01:18:21.000 Fleas on a dog.
01:18:22.000 That's what cracks me up with people who are so full of themselves.
01:18:25.000 Mm-hmm.
01:18:26.000 What are you fucking cocky for?
01:18:27.000 We don't even know what we're doing here.
01:18:28.000 That's what they tell you when you do DMT. That's what those things are doing when they're giving you the finger.
01:18:32.000 They're like, you fucking idiot.
01:18:34.000 You take yourself seriously?
01:18:35.000 Wouldn't it be cool if it was always there?
01:18:38.000 Those guys are always around you, and the only thing that psychedelics does is speed down your timing belt a little so you can see them.
01:18:43.000 Kind of like where dogs are always barking at invisible things, and sometimes dogs...
01:18:48.000 What if dogs see DMT the whole time with you mixed in?
01:18:51.000 I don't think dogs bark at invisible things.
01:18:53.000 They hear sounds that you can't hear.
01:18:54.000 What's DMT mean?
01:18:56.000 Dimethyltryptamine.
01:18:58.000 Rick Strassman will be on the podcast, folks.
01:19:00.000 He'll be on sometime soon.
01:19:03.000 We're working out the date, but I'll be talking to him soon.
01:19:08.000 He'll be flying in.
01:19:10.000 Most likely it'll be October.
01:19:12.000 Looking forward to it.
01:19:13.000 Rick Strassman, if anyone knows who he is, he's one of the first guys to ever get permission from the DEA to do university studies on dimethyltryptamine, on psychedelic drugs that are Schedule I drugs.
01:19:27.000 And he did this series of tests out of the University of New Mexico and wrote a book about it called DMT, the spirit molecule, where they were injecting intravenous DMT into people's bodies where it's the biggest...
01:19:41.000 The longest trip.
01:19:43.000 If you smoke it, it goes directly into your bloodstream, but your body brings it back to baseline in about 10 to 15 minutes, depending upon the dose.
01:19:50.000 But if you inject it, it takes a half hour.
01:19:52.000 And apparently, these people all had these intense, intense DMT trips, like what I'm talking about, but that went on for 30 minutes.
01:20:01.000 Fuck that, right?
01:20:03.000 Fuck that.
01:20:03.000 Get me in there.
01:20:04.000 Sign me up.
01:20:05.000 So you would do a 30-minute one?
01:20:07.000 Yeah.
01:20:07.000 Dude, I did five of them the other day.
01:20:09.000 I did one after the other.
01:20:10.000 Wow.
01:20:10.000 Yeah, we kept doing it.
01:20:11.000 Damn.
01:20:12.000 It was amazing.
01:20:13.000 Yeah, you walk out of there, you feel better about life, you feel better about people, you feel sorry for, like, angry, shitty people.
01:20:24.000 Instead of being mad back at them, you feel sorry for them.
01:20:27.000 And you're not concerned with any side effects.
01:20:29.000 No.
01:20:29.000 None.
01:20:30.000 There's none.
01:20:32.000 I think the side effects that I had when I did it those years ago when I was talking to you about it, I think a lot of those side effects were based on where I was in my head at that time.
01:20:41.000 That it was so obliterating.
01:20:43.000 And it took me a while to sort of come to grips with what I learned from that experience.
01:20:49.000 But this experience...
01:20:51.000 Which is at least two years since my last one.
01:20:55.000 This experience was only positive.
01:20:58.000 There was nothing negative about it.
01:21:00.000 It was like I was ready for this experience.
01:21:01.000 Instead of it knocking me in the dirt, I had learned enough from my last one that I came into it in a good place.
01:21:10.000 You're always going to have a certain amount of ridicule from them.
01:21:15.000 It'll put a lot of your ideas and your...
01:21:20.000 What do you think is important in a perspective?
01:21:22.000 So I think that always happens.
01:21:25.000 Because I think being a person, stopping at red lights, talking to people, dealing with customer service on the phone, you develop just a certain pattern of behavior that you think is normal for existing in society, and that normalcy you carry around with you like a shield.
01:21:42.000 And when you do DMT, they go, give me that!
01:21:46.000 They throw it away.
01:21:47.000 You're like, you silly.
01:21:48.000 Like, look at all this.
01:21:49.000 And they're showing you this insane, fractal universe that you exist in.
01:21:55.000 And it's only positive to me.
01:21:58.000 But that's me.
01:21:59.000 I wouldn't advise it.
01:22:00.000 You know, like I said, I had that one weird trip that fucked me up for a couple weeks.
01:22:04.000 And I'm pretty stable and sane in comparison to a lot of people that I know.
01:22:08.000 So if you're not stable or not sane or you're having real problems, I wouldn't recommend you doing it.
01:22:13.000 Yeah.
01:22:14.000 Right here.
01:22:14.000 That's me.
01:22:15.000 That's you?
01:22:16.000 I would recommend you doing it, though.
01:22:17.000 Oh, fuck no.
01:22:18.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm very...
01:22:19.000 I've had a few bad trips, like we've talked about in the past, and I've still done it, even though knowing those bad trips, but there was also a recent time where I did mushrooms where I remember going, you know what, I think I'm done with this, just I'm not going to learn anything more from this.
01:22:34.000 This is now just kind of like me fucking with my brain that hopefully everything works out okay.
01:22:39.000 You can definitely learn more.
01:22:41.000 Stop lying to yourself.
01:22:43.000 I'm not writing it off, but that's what I felt my last trip, though, when I was in my trip.
01:22:49.000 I would hate getting stuck in there.
01:22:51.000 Eddie Bravo's tattoo artist.
01:22:53.000 I forget the gentleman's name, but he's a really good tattoo artist.
01:22:56.000 The guy who did the biomech stuff on his arm.
01:22:58.000 He did DMT like 100 days in a row.
01:23:03.000 And somewhere, you know, somewhere during the trip, the DMT entities were like, hey, hey, hey, no more.
01:23:10.000 Stop.
01:23:11.000 Enough.
01:23:12.000 Like they were telling him, you got to stop doing this.
01:23:14.000 But he was creating all this artwork and he was having all these visions.
01:23:19.000 He wanted to be in the DMT realm more than he wanted to be in the regular world.
01:23:23.000 So he's like pulling back from the regular world.
01:23:27.000 He didn't want to interact with people.
01:23:29.000 He just couldn't wait to get back to his house to get blasted again.
01:23:31.000 So he'd go into hyperspace.
01:23:33.000 When you finally get into just the DMT realm, you just become homeless, right?
01:23:37.000 That's what those guys are probably on the streets.
01:23:39.000 They've done so much drugs, most of them mixed with schizophrenia in their backgrounds maybe.
01:23:44.000 But those are just people that have fucked their brains up, right?
01:23:47.000 I don't know.
01:23:48.000 I mean, I think a lot of people are just mentally ill.
01:23:50.000 I don't think they've done it necessarily to themselves with drugs.
01:23:53.000 I think that would be unfair to assume.
01:23:56.000 I think a lot of those guys are just people...
01:23:58.000 Look, some people get cancer.
01:23:59.000 Some people have, you know, serious diseases.
01:24:02.000 I have hypothyroidism.
01:24:04.000 Some people have...
01:24:05.000 You have that?
01:24:06.000 Yeah, yeah, I have that.
01:24:07.000 It's hereditary.
01:24:08.000 My mother has it.
01:24:09.000 What's that do to you?
01:24:10.000 I take a thyroid medication, so it fixes it, which really fixes it fine.
01:24:17.000 It doesn't affect me at all, but it would make me real tired towards the end of the day.
01:24:21.000 When I was on Fear Factor, I started getting concerned because I was getting these weird headaches.
01:24:26.000 They were weird.
01:24:27.000 At the end of the day, I would be so exhausted, and I would get these headaches where my head was just compressed.
01:24:35.000 And it felt like the only solution was to sleep.
01:24:37.000 Like I would fall asleep like watching TV. And I was like, this is not normal.
01:24:41.000 I know what a normal tired feels like.
01:24:43.000 This does not feel like a normal tired.
01:24:45.000 And they call it Hashimoto's disease.
01:24:48.000 And it's just some weird hereditary failure of your thyroid gland.
01:24:54.000 That's part of the endocrine system, right?
01:24:55.000 Yeah.
01:24:56.000 It just comes from...
01:24:58.000 They don't know what it comes from, but a lot of people get it.
01:25:02.000 My ex-girlfriend, I remember you helped her because she was having really bad ups and downs and she tried all these different ones and you turned around to this one...
01:25:09.000 Yeah, armor thyroid.
01:25:11.000 Armor thyroid is made from pig's thyroids and it's very biocompatible to human beings.
01:25:15.000 It makes it essentially like you don't have an issue.
01:25:17.000 But I had the other stuff, the different thyroid medications weren't so good until I got this stuff.
01:25:23.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people that have it, man.
01:25:25.000 It's super common.
01:25:26.000 Sometimes it's...
01:25:27.000 I would never have guessed that because you have so much fucking energy.
01:25:29.000 That was what was weird to them.
01:25:31.000 They didn't understand why I was so lean.
01:25:33.000 When they brought me and they tested me, they're like, how come has this affected your weight?
01:25:39.000 Have you gotten fat?
01:25:40.000 And I was like, not at all.
01:25:41.000 No, because I would push through it.
01:25:44.000 Even though I would be tired, I would force myself to work out.
01:25:47.000 And when you're doing jujitsu, it's so intense that you're fighting for your life, essentially, when you're on the mat.
01:25:54.000 And so there's no way you can half-ass a workout.
01:25:57.000 So I stayed lean, even though I had this issue.
01:25:59.000 But it was definitely affecting my endurance.
01:26:01.000 Like, I noticed a big difference since I started taking it.
01:26:04.000 And now you're back to normal?
01:26:05.000 Totally normal, yeah.
01:26:07.000 But, you know, people have weird things.
01:26:09.000 I mean, you were talking about kidney stones.
01:26:12.000 Some people have...
01:26:13.000 You know, some people have kidney diseases.
01:26:15.000 Some people have failure.
01:26:16.000 They're fucking...
01:26:17.000 Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane have this next-door neighbor they were talking about on their radio show today who's losing his liver.
01:26:24.000 His liver's dying.
01:26:24.000 He drank too much and he killed his liver.
01:26:26.000 And he's waiting for a fucking transplant.
01:26:29.000 Shit goes wrong, man.
01:26:30.000 The body doesn't always work forever.
01:26:33.000 Nobody gets out alive.
01:26:37.000 I've been drinking again.
01:26:38.000 Oh, Jesus, Dom.
01:26:40.000 Now you tell us.
01:26:41.000 You want a drink right now?
01:26:42.000 No.
01:26:43.000 Okay, good.
01:26:44.000 It's a test.
01:26:45.000 That means you can put it away.
01:26:47.000 Yeah.
01:26:47.000 You didn't get all shaky in the head.
01:26:48.000 I wake up fucking drunk every day.
01:26:50.000 Every day?
01:26:51.000 Every day.
01:26:52.000 Whoa.
01:26:53.000 Just give yourself a day off.
01:26:55.000 I was thinking about that maybe tonight.
01:26:58.000 Well, we'll play some pool after this.
01:26:59.000 Give yourself a break.
01:27:00.000 You don't want to play pool drunk?
01:27:01.000 Be upset with yourself.
01:27:03.000 Do you enjoy drinking water, or is water hard for you to drink?
01:27:06.000 I love drinking water.
01:27:07.000 What kind of question is that?
01:27:09.000 I hate water.
01:27:10.000 Do you enjoy drinking water?
01:27:12.000 I mean, I like tang better.
01:27:13.000 You hate water?
01:27:14.000 Yeah.
01:27:15.000 Why?
01:27:15.000 It just doesn't do it for me.
01:27:17.000 I'd rather...
01:27:18.000 I drink Gatorade, but I... I'm fucking terrible for you.
01:27:22.000 I mean, it's not bad for you after you work out, because you need to replenish the sugars.
01:27:26.000 The electrolyte.
01:27:27.000 And sugars, too.
01:27:28.000 Right.
01:27:28.000 Like, one of the best things after you work out is actually chocolate milk.
01:27:31.000 Really?
01:27:32.000 Mm-hmm.
01:27:32.000 Yeah.
01:27:33.000 Chocolate milk is great, especially after you lift weights, because it has a little bit of protein in it.
01:27:37.000 It has milk, milk proteins.
01:27:40.000 It also has casein, I think it's called, and sugar, because of the chocolate and the syrup and all that jazz.
01:27:47.000 It actually replenishes your glycogen.
01:27:48.000 It's really, it's like the best.
01:27:50.000 That's me and chocolate milk.
01:27:52.000 Well, first of all...
01:27:54.000 Look at those pouty lips.
01:27:55.000 That is you.
01:27:56.000 Sexy as fuck.
01:27:57.000 Where's this, Joe?
01:27:58.000 That was a long time ago, man.
01:28:00.000 That's early 2000s.
01:28:04.000 Somewhere around there.
01:28:05.000 We've known each other a long time, brother.
01:28:06.000 Yeah, man.
01:28:07.000 We've known each other since the 90s, my brother.
01:28:10.000 Dom and I, we played pool at Amsterdam Billiards in like 1993 or something.
01:28:15.000 Well, you had just gotten that show, I think.
01:28:17.000 I don't even think I had it yet.
01:28:18.000 Oh, you didn't have it yet?
01:28:19.000 I don't think so.
01:28:19.000 I think I'd just done your show.
01:28:21.000 I did that Showtime thing with you in Montreal, and then we ran into each other.
01:28:25.000 That's where we knew it at Amsterdam, yeah.
01:28:27.000 I loved that place.
01:28:28.000 It was great.
01:28:29.000 The one on the Upper West Side was great.
01:28:30.000 The new one's great, too.
01:28:32.000 It's on the East Side.
01:28:33.000 I haven't seen it.
01:28:33.000 Where's it at?
01:28:34.000 I don't remember the streets, but it's like lower numbers on the east side.
01:28:40.000 It's great.
01:28:40.000 It's like New York has a bunch of pool halls, but LA, they're all gone, man.
01:28:46.000 They're all gone.
01:28:47.000 All the pool halls in LA. I used to enjoy that one, Hollywood Billiards.
01:28:50.000 You know what was fun, too?
01:28:51.000 The other one, we take the girls out.
01:28:53.000 Oh, yeah.
01:28:54.000 At the Hollywood Athletic Club.
01:28:55.000 Hollywood Athletic Club.
01:28:56.000 Yeah, that was great.
01:28:57.000 That was back in the 90s, Dominic.
01:29:00.000 Burbank still has a good one.
01:29:01.000 Yeah, they still have, what is it, Fantasia or something like that?
01:29:03.000 Yeah.
01:29:03.000 Yeah, that's a good one.
01:29:04.000 That's a nice table you got here.
01:29:06.000 Yeah, that's a good table.
01:29:07.000 That's an old Gold Crown II. That's from the 1970s.
01:29:11.000 I'm excited to wreck walls.
01:29:12.000 Four-inch pockets, my friend.
01:29:14.000 Very small pockets.
01:29:15.000 Oh, no, really?
01:29:16.000 Oh, God.
01:29:16.000 Oh, they're going to hurt your soul.
01:29:18.000 It's going to break.
01:29:19.000 Yeah, this guy, Ernesto Dominguez, top pool player.
01:29:22.000 He's also a great table mechanic.
01:29:25.000 And his son, rather, Oscar Dominguez, a top pro.
01:29:28.000 And they cut these table pockets.
01:29:32.000 They made this?
01:29:32.000 Well, they built the table.
01:29:34.000 So they make these table openings like four-inch holes.
01:29:38.000 So it's very, very difficult.
01:29:40.000 What's a normal one?
01:29:41.000 Five.
01:29:42.000 That's a big difference.
01:29:43.000 Yeah.
01:29:45.000 Suffer!
01:29:46.000 My back's going to be killing me from racking.
01:29:50.000 See, that's something I would do.
01:29:52.000 If I couldn't do stand-up anymore, I would try playing pool professionally.
01:29:56.000 I'd try going on a tour.
01:29:58.000 If there was a tour, the tour's kind of dead now.
01:30:00.000 It's amazing, because it's such a great sport.
01:30:03.000 It needs a television show.
01:30:05.000 Pool needs, like, Larry the Cable Guy to travel the country.
01:30:08.000 You're right.
01:30:09.000 It needs something.
01:30:11.000 I thought about doing it for a while.
01:30:12.000 I thought about doing a show where I go from town to town and play the best guy in the house or something like that.
01:30:17.000 But people would get bored.
01:30:19.000 I told you this before, you've got too much going in your life to become a pro, to put into practice it would take to be a pro.
01:30:26.000 I know, but I get obsessed.
01:30:27.000 Get obsessed with things down my road.
01:30:29.000 You don't get obsessed with anything?
01:30:31.000 If you get the old fucking moves back, you wouldn't try a little bit of pro ball?
01:30:35.000 Come on, a little bit of dribble in between the lanes.
01:30:38.000 People don't know, you're a good basketball player.
01:30:41.000 I was.
01:30:42.000 I could shoot.
01:30:44.000 You could beat somebody at horse, you think?
01:30:47.000 Fuck people up at horse?
01:30:48.000 I had these two kids.
01:30:49.000 I was in Ohio.
01:30:50.000 And I guess they heard I could play basketball.
01:30:51.000 They said, were you a good basketball player?
01:30:52.000 I said, well, for a comedian.
01:30:54.000 They go, could you jump?
01:30:56.000 I go, I could grab the rim.
01:30:58.000 At my height, that's a good jump.
01:30:59.000 They go, were you fast?
01:31:00.000 I go, I was really fast.
01:31:01.000 I go, you?
01:31:02.000 You?
01:31:02.000 I go, not what you see now, you fucking idiot.
01:31:05.000 Not this fucking bloated old Chinese man, whatever the fuck I am.
01:31:11.000 You know, like fucking 145 pounds of monkey muscle.
01:31:17.000 When you see your face go Chinese, do you have the urge to just walk around?
01:31:23.000 Do you have the urge to fight it?
01:31:25.000 I don't know what happened.
01:31:26.000 Is that a disease?
01:31:28.000 Look at me.
01:31:29.000 I don't know what the fuck happened to my head.
01:31:31.000 I think a lot of it is water retention, alcohol.
01:31:34.000 Yeah, probably.
01:31:35.000 Yeah.
01:31:35.000 Your body fat rises.
01:31:37.000 Your whole face gets Chinese-like.
01:31:40.000 Very moon pie-ish.
01:31:41.000 I want you to be honest with me.
01:31:42.000 If I lost too much weight, do I look guant to you?
01:31:47.000 No, you look beautiful.
01:31:48.000 I love you no matter what you look like.
01:31:51.000 I wish you were a hot chick.
01:31:53.000 This drinking thing, is this something you want to do something about, or are you just going to...
01:31:56.000 Yeah, I got it.
01:31:57.000 I got it.
01:31:58.000 You got it?
01:31:59.000 Before, you've done it like cold turkey, right?
01:32:01.000 Yeah.
01:32:02.000 My doctor said, just take a half of Xanax and you can...
01:32:06.000 I said, will I get convulsions and shit if I stop drinking cold turkey?
01:32:10.000 He says, no.
01:32:11.000 I guess because my body withdrew from it all day today.
01:32:15.000 You know what I mean?
01:32:15.000 It's not like I'm drinking.
01:32:17.000 I get up and have a drink and then you ask me if I want a drink.
01:32:20.000 I go, yeah, I can go for one.
01:32:21.000 It's not like that.
01:32:22.000 Right.
01:32:22.000 It's just you're convenient?
01:32:23.000 Like it's a pattern that you fall into when you go out at night?
01:32:25.000 I love being high.
01:32:27.000 I'll sit there at night and I'll go, I'm going to have like two shots.
01:32:32.000 And then I go, alright, six shots.
01:32:34.000 Six shots!
01:32:35.000 Every night?
01:32:37.000 What's your main drink?
01:32:38.000 Your go-to drink?
01:32:39.000 Whatever I can reach.
01:32:41.000 I like Jameson.
01:32:45.000 I like dirty martinis.
01:32:48.000 Oh, so you just drink straight with no mixers?
01:32:50.000 Yeah.
01:32:51.000 Maybe start doing large drinks, and then it's like, you know, like I do ginger ale and turkey.
01:32:55.000 No, he wants to get drunk.
01:32:57.000 See, I want to get drunk.
01:32:58.000 I don't want to get drunk.
01:32:58.000 He's not trying to like sit there sipping.
01:33:01.000 I don't want to enjoy like that.
01:33:02.000 Fruitcake.
01:33:04.000 Fruitcake.
01:33:05.000 Hey, jackass, open up your ears.
01:33:07.000 Yeah, put this umbrella in your drink.
01:33:09.000 It makes it more difficult to find the liquid.
01:33:11.000 It's on the top.
01:33:12.000 You got to move it around.
01:33:14.000 It makes your drinks lower.
01:33:15.000 I fucking hate, like, pina coladas and shit like that.
01:33:18.000 Really?
01:33:19.000 Yeah.
01:33:19.000 Do you like that?
01:33:20.000 Do you like getting caught in the rain?
01:33:22.000 Do you like the smell of the ocean or the taste of champagne?
01:33:25.000 I like Jimmy Buffett.
01:33:26.000 Do you like making love at midnight?
01:33:27.000 I don't think that was Jimmy Buffett.
01:33:29.000 If you like pina coladas.
01:33:31.000 Who was that?
01:33:32.000 I thought it was Jimmy Buffett.
01:33:33.000 No, I don't believe so.
01:33:34.000 Look it up, motherfucker.
01:33:36.000 Yeah.
01:33:37.000 I feel like it's someone else.
01:33:38.000 You sexy motherfucker.
01:33:39.000 Shaking that ass.
01:33:40.000 Shaking that ass.
01:33:40.000 Yeah, I feel like it's someone else.
01:33:42.000 Yep, Jimmy Buffet.
01:33:44.000 Is it?
01:33:44.000 Yep.
01:33:46.000 Don't you bring your primitive skills to me about music, Mr. Rogan?
01:33:50.000 No, it's Rupert Holmes.
01:33:51.000 What?
01:33:52.000 You fucking knucklehead.
01:33:53.000 This is Jimmy Buffet.
01:33:55.000 Rupert Holmes, recorded by American singer Rupert Holmes.
01:34:00.000 I think it was made famous by Jimmy Buffet.
01:34:03.000 It's on the Midnight Special, Burt Sugarman.
01:34:05.000 Here we go.
01:34:06.000 It's happy hour, guys.
01:34:07.000 Can I get you something to drink?
01:34:11.000 This is Rupert Holmes.
01:34:13.000 You're both right.
01:34:16.000 No, this is the famous one.
01:34:22.000 Yeah, that's it.
01:34:23.000 It's Rupert Holmes.
01:34:25.000 So don't trust Brian Redband to Google anything for you.
01:34:28.000 Don't bet your life on it.
01:34:29.000 If I play Jimmy Buffet's song, it's probably going to sound exactly the same, but that's probably the one that you know.
01:34:33.000 Play the Jimmy Buffet.
01:34:34.000 I want to hear it.
01:34:34.000 Okay, play the Jimmy Buffet.
01:34:35.000 Well, this guy is, this is the guy who made the, he had the hit.
01:34:38.000 The guy who had the hit that was on the radio is Rupert Holmes.
01:34:41.000 Okay.
01:34:44.000 I'm definitely right.
01:34:45.000 I know how to Google.
01:34:47.000 You Google with your dick or something.
01:34:49.000 I don't even think you pay attention to what you write in there.
01:34:51.000 I honestly thought that that was a Jimmy Buffet song.
01:34:55.000 Jimmy Buffet is the fucking Margaritaville guy.
01:34:57.000 Yeah, maybe that's why.
01:34:58.000 He's not a pina colada guy.
01:35:02.000 How did we go from talking about the universe to this?
01:35:05.000 Brian Redman.
01:35:06.000 Fucking, he's the crowbar in any intellectual discussion.
01:35:09.000 Clang, clang.
01:35:11.000 Your gears get ground up and then the fucking elves give you the finger.
01:35:14.000 See, but look at things like this.
01:35:15.000 If you like Pina Claw, Jimmy Buffet.
01:35:17.000 That's an idiot that doesn't know that it's not Jimmy Buffet.
01:35:20.000 That's just some moron on YouTube.
01:35:22.000 Unless Jimmy Buffet actually sang a version of it.
01:35:24.000 See if you can find a Jimmy Buffet version of it.
01:35:27.000 But Jimmy Buffet was...
01:35:31.000 Margaritaville.
01:35:32.000 He has a whole fucking station on XM. You can listen to Jimmy Buffett all the time.
01:35:37.000 Yeah, I don't think I want that.
01:35:38.000 If you're in Florida, you would.
01:35:39.000 If you're in Florida and you're popping Xanax and drinking booze and just fucking sitting on the beach with your flip flops.
01:35:45.000 I don't do them together, Joe.
01:35:46.000 You used to, right?
01:35:47.000 No.
01:35:47.000 Never?
01:35:48.000 No.
01:35:49.000 But you'd take a Xanax in the morning and by the time it wears off, then you're drinking.
01:35:52.000 Yeah.
01:35:52.000 That's how it works.
01:35:54.000 Is there a version of it?
01:35:56.000 Well, there's one, that one I was showing, but no, you're right.
01:35:58.000 It's mostly all just Rupert Holmes, and Jimmy just showed me something like the five songs that people think are from the wrong artists.
01:36:04.000 Oh, okay.
01:36:06.000 Really?
01:36:06.000 Yeah.
01:36:07.000 Yeah, because it seems like it would be kind of a Jimmy Buffett song, but I knew it wasn't him.
01:36:12.000 And it's because of Margaritaville.
01:36:13.000 I think you totally nailed it right there.
01:36:14.000 I think that's why.
01:36:15.000 I just immediately thought...
01:36:16.000 It's one of those old-ass songs that you don't understand, like...
01:36:22.000 The things you do for love?
01:36:23.000 Who the fuck sang that?
01:36:24.000 It's like walking in the rain and the snow And there's nowhere to go And you're feeling like a part of you is dying Who the fuck?
01:36:33.000 We're looking for the answer in our eyes I had a copy of that when I was a little kid.
01:36:38.000 I was a little kid, like maybe six or seven, and we had a 45 of that song, Things You Do For Love.
01:36:45.000 It was like the first song I ever owned.
01:36:46.000 Who sang that?
01:36:46.000 I don't know who sang that.
01:36:47.000 Who the fuck knows?
01:36:48.000 See if Brian will pull it up.
01:36:49.000 What's it called?
01:36:50.000 Jimi Hendrix!
01:36:52.000 Led Zeppelin!
01:36:54.000 The who?
01:36:55.000 It's a British band called...
01:36:57.000 10CC. 10CC. I've heard of him.
01:37:00.000 Wow.
01:37:00.000 Really?
01:37:01.000 You know, a friend of mine was on a cruise ship and Robert Plant was on it.
01:37:05.000 Oh, wow.
01:37:06.000 Somebody called him Led.
01:37:09.000 Oh my God.
01:37:10.000 His first name was Lid.
01:37:11.000 What a disaster.
01:37:13.000 Why would Robert Plant go on a fucking...
01:37:15.000 Why would he ever do that?
01:37:16.000 I don't know.
01:37:17.000 Like get trapped on a boat?
01:37:18.000 Oh, I fucking...
01:37:19.000 Have you ever done it?
01:37:20.000 No!
01:37:21.000 I did two of them.
01:37:22.000 No!
01:37:22.000 No!
01:37:24.000 I've been on fishing boats.
01:37:25.000 I don't like boats.
01:37:26.000 That's it.
01:37:27.000 I like fishing boats.
01:37:28.000 I like yachts.
01:37:29.000 If I lived near a lake, I would be in heaven.
01:37:32.000 If I lived in a lake and I could just pull a nice bass boat out there and go fishing, I would love fishing.
01:37:38.000 It's so fun.
01:37:39.000 It's so primal, too.
01:37:41.000 Something about catching your dinner.
01:37:42.000 You throw that sucker on ice, fillet it, get home, cook it, eat it.
01:37:46.000 Very satisfying.
01:37:47.000 Something caveman-style satisfying.
01:37:50.000 It just feels great.
01:37:51.000 Have a couple of beers when you're out there.
01:37:53.000 Cast a line.
01:37:55.000 Enjoy the day.
01:37:56.000 I'd rather just go to the seafood restaurant.
01:37:58.000 Oh, dumb.
01:37:59.000 You say that.
01:37:59.000 Joseph.
01:38:00.000 Did you ever catch a big fish?
01:38:01.000 It's fucking fun.
01:38:02.000 No, I never fished.
01:38:03.000 Look at me.
01:38:03.000 Do I look like a fish?
01:38:04.000 I gotta put up some YouTube videos, me and Ari, when we were in Alaska last summer.
01:38:11.000 We had a great time.
01:38:12.000 Sounds romantic.
01:38:14.000 Well, that was that part, too.
01:38:16.000 But we caught the salmon run.
01:38:18.000 Right when the king salmon were running strong, and we caught like seven, eight fish a day, and they were giant.
01:38:26.000 Like big 30, 40 pound salmon.
01:38:28.000 It was so fun.
01:38:30.000 I got some videos.
01:38:31.000 I need to put them up on YouTube.
01:38:32.000 I've had them for a while, but we had a fucking blast.
01:38:36.000 Because we had a gig up there.
01:38:37.000 We scheduled a gig for one day, but we went fishing for two days before the gig.
01:38:42.000 It was so much fun.
01:38:44.000 Yeah, that's cool.
01:38:44.000 Joe, did you see the video of the grouper eating a shark?
01:38:47.000 Yes!
01:38:49.000 Put that shit up.
01:38:50.000 It's probably going to get us pulled from YouTube.
01:38:51.000 Groupers are gigantic, right?
01:38:52.000 Some of them.
01:38:53.000 This is the part of the show where we say, this will get us pulled from YouTube.
01:38:57.000 If you're tired of shit getting pulled from YouTube, folks, go to Vimeo.
01:39:00.000 Vimeo doesn't pull things like YouTube does.
01:39:02.000 Right.
01:39:03.000 For whatever reason.
01:39:03.000 Here we go.
01:39:04.000 But this grouper is...
01:39:06.000 Groupers, if you don't know, they get to be like hundreds of pounds.
01:39:10.000 They're fucking huge.
01:39:11.000 So this guy has caught this shark, and the grouper just ganks his fucking shark.
01:39:17.000 He's pulling the shark in, and it's enormous...
01:39:20.000 I mean, they're like 400, 500 pounds sometimes, these Goliath groupers.
01:39:26.000 And it comes up and it snatches his fucking shark.
01:39:30.000 Look, he's got the shark floating around on the top and the fish can't help himself.
01:39:33.000 He's like, fuck it.
01:39:35.000 Here he goes.
01:39:38.000 Look at this thing.
01:39:39.000 Look at the size of this fucking thing.
01:39:41.000 One bite.
01:39:43.000 Wow.
01:39:44.000 One bite inhales the entire shark.
01:39:46.000 Wow.
01:39:47.000 Fucking unreal.
01:39:49.000 That's how big a goliath grouper is.
01:39:51.000 And if you catch one of those bitches, you're going to be pulling that thing in for hours.
01:39:55.000 You're going to be hanging on...
01:39:59.000 I don't even like going to a seafood restaurant and they tell you to cook your own fish.
01:40:03.000 Do they do that?
01:40:04.000 Yeah.
01:40:04.000 In Hawaii, I've seen it.
01:40:06.000 They tell you to cook your own fish.
01:40:07.000 What can I come here for?
01:40:07.000 I gotta clean my plate, too.
01:40:10.000 Don't you like you go on a date?
01:40:12.000 It's like we're doing activities.
01:40:14.000 We're cooking together.
01:40:16.000 Go turn it over for me.
01:40:17.000 I like dipping fondue.
01:40:19.000 I take the bread, I dip it in the cheese.
01:40:22.000 Ooh.
01:40:23.000 That's good too, Joe.
01:40:24.000 People like that Korean barbecue.
01:40:26.000 You have the hot thing in front of you and you slap down.
01:40:29.000 There's a place in the mall out here that they do that.
01:40:32.000 I love that place.
01:40:33.000 It's annoying.
01:40:34.000 You don't like it?
01:40:34.000 No, it's stupid.
01:40:35.000 The only bad thing is you smell so bad when you leave.
01:40:39.000 If I was going to cook myself, I wouldn't cook like that.
01:40:42.000 I like cooking over charcoal.
01:40:44.000 Lump charcoal.
01:40:45.000 Can you get that smoky flavor?
01:40:47.000 It's more about all you can eat though.
01:40:49.000 Oh, is it all you can eat?
01:40:50.000 I don't think this place is not all you can eat.
01:40:52.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:40:52.000 You choose which meat group you want.
01:40:54.000 They have like an $18 per person, $24, $30.
01:40:57.000 And if you get the $31, you get a different menu.
01:40:59.000 You could just order as much as you want.
01:41:01.000 I don't like all-you-can-eat things.
01:41:03.000 Psychologically, it seems to lower the quality.
01:41:06.000 Really?
01:41:06.000 All-you-can-eat sushi?
01:41:07.000 Yeah.
01:41:08.000 Oh, yeah, but Brazilian steakhouses?
01:41:10.000 Oh, that's fantastic.
01:41:12.000 Those Chujas Carias, where you have that card.
01:41:14.000 The card with them?
01:41:15.000 Yeah, like it's green on one side, red on the other.
01:41:18.000 When it's red, you want to take a break.
01:41:19.000 When it's green, they just keep coming with new food.
01:41:22.000 Yeah, they have a place like that in Philly.
01:41:24.000 After Eddie Bravo fought in Metamorris, or had his grappling match in Metamorris, we went to Fogo de Chão near the Beverly Center.
01:41:32.000 That's the one.
01:41:33.000 That's the one.
01:41:34.000 Brian and I have eaten it about...
01:41:36.000 Most of them.
01:41:37.000 Most of them across the country.
01:41:38.000 There's a new one in San Diego I need to try.
01:41:40.000 Yeah, I know.
01:41:41.000 I noticed when I was down at the American Comedy Company.
01:41:43.000 When we would show up at a town and we found a Fogo, we'd go, oh!
01:41:47.000 We'd get all excited.
01:41:48.000 We'd go there.
01:41:48.000 Yeah, it's delicious.
01:41:50.000 Joey Diaz would look at you like you're an asshole if you go anywhere near that salad bar.
01:41:53.000 Why are you fucking with that salad bar, dog?
01:41:56.000 Listen, sit down here.
01:41:57.000 You're in no danger.
01:41:58.000 You're in no danger.
01:41:59.000 Bring it over.
01:42:00.000 Bring it over.
01:42:00.000 What do we got?
01:42:01.000 What do we got?
01:42:01.000 What do we got?
01:42:02.000 He'd start talking in Spanish to the fucking guys with the skewers.
01:42:05.000 They speak Portuguese.
01:42:06.000 He's talking to them in Spanish, trying to find some middle ground.
01:42:09.000 I recently went, and they hide that picanha now.
01:42:12.000 That guy's hard to find.
01:42:14.000 You ask two different people, and you get so much chicken sausage and bacon stuff, and you're like, just give me the picanha.
01:42:19.000 I think it's a matter of how many people are there.
01:42:21.000 Some things are more popular, but last time we were there, they kept coming with it.
01:42:26.000 They had the picanha and the garlic beef.
01:42:29.000 Picanha is like top sirloin.
01:42:31.000 What they do is they have like an open fire.
01:42:33.000 It's like a wood fire.
01:42:34.000 It's like real.
01:42:35.000 And they have these skewers that they lean over the fire and the skewers spin around.
01:42:39.000 And when they deem that it's ready, then they bring it over to your table, slice pieces off the outside.
01:42:43.000 Yeah, I've seen that.
01:42:44.000 And then they put it right back on the fire.
01:42:45.000 Resalt it.
01:42:46.000 Yeah, they re-salt it and have a basting thing that they do.
01:42:49.000 And so there's this big piece of meat and they put it over this fire and they just slowly cook the outside.
01:42:54.000 And then they put it back in, slowly cook the outside.
01:42:57.000 Now I'm getting hungry.
01:42:58.000 Oh, there's a place near here.
01:42:59.000 You want to eat after this?
01:43:00.000 Yeah.
01:43:01.000 Yeah.
01:43:02.000 Fuck yeah.
01:43:03.000 By the way, Joe, our Green Mountain Grill, they have a new app now.
01:43:06.000 You can use the app to tell when your food's done.
01:43:08.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:43:08.000 They sent me the info.
01:43:09.000 I've got to hook it up, though.
01:43:10.000 You've got to get a guy to come to your house, though, and plug it in.
01:43:13.000 Yeah, it's not easy to do.
01:43:14.000 But that Green Mountain Grill is awesome.
01:43:17.000 That's a pellet grill, if you don't know what that is.
01:43:19.000 It's a smoker.
01:43:20.000 It smokes your food like an oven that's the hot smoke of this burning firewood or this burning hardwood.
01:43:28.000 They take hardwood, and when you, like, say if you bought a table, like this table is made out of oak.
01:43:33.000 Well, someone who cut this wood, you leave a lot of sawdust, and they buy the hardwood sawdust, and they compress it into these pellets, which with the natural sugars of the wood, there's no additives, it's just the wood itself.
01:43:45.000 And then you pour these pellets.
01:43:47.000 It looks like, almost like You ever seen that pine kitty litter?
01:43:49.000 Do you use that stuff?
01:43:50.000 Yeah.
01:43:50.000 It's the best stuff.
01:43:51.000 It cuts the smell back the most.
01:43:53.000 But you take these pellets and you pour it into this hopper.
01:43:57.000 It's like this box.
01:43:58.000 Close the lid on it and then you set the temperature.
01:44:00.000 And it automatically keeps the fire going.
01:44:03.000 It's got this...
01:44:05.000 What is it called?
01:44:06.000 An element that heats it up and it spins it in this gear.
01:44:10.000 And the pellets automatically get introduced and the fire has the exact right amount of temperature.
01:44:16.000 And you can keep it at like, you know, like for 250 or 350. It's like a crock pot for grills.
01:44:22.000 It's amazing.
01:44:23.000 It's so easy.
01:44:24.000 I used to have another kind of smoker.
01:44:25.000 I used to have to add wood to it all the time.
01:44:27.000 It was a nightmare.
01:44:28.000 This thing does it all itself.
01:44:30.000 All those guys, have you ever watched those barbecue competitions?
01:44:33.000 You ever watch those things on the Food Channel?
01:44:35.000 A lot of those guys, they use those pellet grills now.
01:44:38.000 The pellet grills are a big deal.
01:44:40.000 Yeah, you put the meat on, you know, earlier in the afternoon, you come back and it's just falling off the bone.
01:44:45.000 No, it's pretty badass.
01:44:46.000 It's pretty badass.
01:44:47.000 I'm a big fan.
01:44:48.000 I'm a big, big fan.
01:44:50.000 I love cooking, man.
01:44:53.000 Cooking is fun.
01:44:55.000 It's especially fun when you're cooking something that you killed yourself.
01:45:00.000 When you cut it up yourself and you slap that bitch on the grill.
01:45:03.000 It's very exciting.
01:45:04.000 That would have killed anything.
01:45:06.000 Would you be willing?
01:45:07.000 I'm thinking about doing a hunting show.
01:45:08.000 This is the idea of the hunting show.
01:45:10.000 The idea of the hunting show is I go out with people that have never been hunting before.
01:45:15.000 Whether it's comedians like Hannibal Buress, he said he would go.
01:45:18.000 A lot of guys...
01:45:20.000 Or interested in going?
01:45:21.000 I would go to the five-star hotel closest to where he goes to go hunt.
01:45:25.000 And you wouldn't hunt?
01:45:25.000 No.
01:45:26.000 What if we took you out in a pickup truck and you could just roll down the window and fire it out the window?
01:45:31.000 Yes.
01:45:33.000 Definitely.
01:45:33.000 Would you do that for real?
01:45:35.000 Yeah, that's my style.
01:45:36.000 You can do that in some places.
01:45:37.000 In Texas, there's a ranch that Aubrey hunted at where you literally shoot your rifle from the front seat of the truck.
01:45:43.000 Oh, I love that.
01:45:44.000 The fucking truck has no windshield.
01:45:46.000 So you drive around on this truck.
01:45:49.000 You know, I don't know if it's like a Jeep or if it's an actual pickup truck.
01:45:51.000 They knock the windshield out.
01:45:52.000 But you drive around this truck, and then they get close to these herds of animals, and then they fucking set your rifle up right there through the window.
01:46:01.000 Boom!
01:46:02.000 You shoot it.
01:46:03.000 Then you get out of the truck.
01:46:04.000 You get it.
01:46:04.000 You take a photo with it.
01:46:06.000 Oh, I gotta get out of the truck?
01:46:07.000 You don't have to.
01:46:08.000 Okay.
01:46:09.000 I'll bring it to you.
01:46:09.000 I'm still in.
01:46:10.000 I'll bring it to you.
01:46:11.000 And you can wave.
01:46:11.000 Instead of taking a picture with the animal you kill, you just wave from the window.
01:46:14.000 This is Dom.
01:46:15.000 This is Dom's deer.
01:46:17.000 And then they take care of everything else.
01:46:19.000 It's like the laziest way to hunt ever.
01:46:22.000 I would like that.
01:46:27.000 Me and Sophie were in Hawaii, and she was snorkeling, and she was only here so fucking lazy to find a way to snorkel without even going underwater.
01:46:35.000 I got one of those rafts that you see through.
01:46:37.000 I just put my head on that.
01:46:40.000 You just snorkeled with a raft?
01:46:42.000 Yeah.
01:46:42.000 Ah!
01:46:44.000 That's hilarious.
01:46:45.000 I snorkeled for the first time last time I was in Hawaii.
01:46:47.000 It was awesome.
01:46:48.000 It's really fun.
01:46:49.000 Yeah.
01:46:50.000 Swimming around a reef.
01:46:51.000 We were around a reef.
01:46:52.000 Beautiful.
01:46:52.000 You've seen all these fish moving around their little world.
01:46:55.000 I stepped on a sea anemone, though.
01:46:57.000 This fucker went right in my foot.
01:46:59.000 Really?
01:46:59.000 Yeah, they had to pour vinegar all over my foot.
01:47:02.000 You're supposed to do it if you're going to go near a reef.
01:47:04.000 Reefs are really sharp.
01:47:06.000 You're supposed to do it with those scuba shoes.
01:47:08.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:47:10.000 Because I was just barefoot.
01:47:11.000 But you stepped down the wrong spot and these sea anemone, like black spines, went deep into my foot.
01:47:17.000 Oh, God.
01:47:18.000 Yeah, it fucked me up.
01:47:19.000 I never go in the ocean without shoes on.
01:47:21.000 I just don't want to step on anything gross.
01:47:22.000 Like what?
01:47:23.000 Condoms?
01:47:24.000 I stepped on dead jellyfish once and it was just disgusting.
01:47:28.000 There's a lot of gross stuff in the ocean.
01:47:29.000 Jellyfish can fuck you up.
01:47:31.000 Especially Australia.
01:47:33.000 Oh, yeah.
01:47:33.000 If you go to Australia, there's...
01:47:37.000 Certain species of jellyfish that kill people every year.
01:47:39.000 Yeah.
01:47:40.000 I was just there a couple months ago, and in Perth, they have the helicopters going over, you know, to spot the sharks.
01:47:48.000 They have that in Adelaide, too.
01:47:50.000 Really?
01:47:51.000 Yeah, because they have...
01:47:52.000 Well, they see them.
01:47:53.000 Yeah.
01:47:53.000 They warn people.
01:47:54.000 Fuck that.
01:47:55.000 Big white, great white sharks.
01:47:57.000 Yeah, that's a scary spot.
01:48:00.000 Apparently, the most scary spot for sharks is South Africa.
01:48:04.000 Australia's pretty bad.
01:48:05.000 Is it bad?
01:48:05.000 Yeah.
01:48:07.000 That's also a place where a lot of people surf too, right?
01:48:09.000 Yeah.
01:48:10.000 Did you ever surf?
01:48:11.000 Yeah.
01:48:12.000 Really?
01:48:13.000 I've surfed.
01:48:13.000 You surfed, but what was it like?
01:48:17.000 Well, I was a pretty good athlete then.
01:48:19.000 I got up a couple times.
01:48:20.000 I did it a few times.
01:48:23.000 The thing about it, you have to be a strong swimmer to really get out there to enjoy it.
01:48:27.000 You can't just go 20 feet and expect to ride something in.
01:48:30.000 Right.
01:48:31.000 And you've got to climb on it at just the right time, too, right?
01:48:34.000 Yeah.
01:48:34.000 It's probably difficult.
01:48:36.000 Yeah, it's very difficult.
01:48:37.000 There's a place in Abu Dhabi.
01:48:39.000 I think it's Abu Dhabi or Dubai.
01:48:41.000 Oh, yeah, I've seen that.
01:48:42.000 They created an indoor surfing pool.
01:48:44.000 Yeah, that's pretty wild.
01:48:45.000 It's ridiculous.
01:48:47.000 So, most ridiculous thing ever.
01:48:49.000 Like, isn't the whole idea is that you're out there in the ocean with nature?
01:48:52.000 And these guys are like, we're in a pool in a mall.
01:48:56.000 Sometimes you gotta settle.
01:48:58.000 Neil Brennan did comedy there.
01:49:00.000 Was it Neil that used to say?
01:49:02.000 Eddie F. Eddie F does comedy?
01:49:04.000 He tries.
01:49:05.000 I'm kidding.
01:49:06.000 No, he does.
01:49:08.000 That's right.
01:49:09.000 Eddie F. just had a Kickstarter.
01:49:10.000 He created his own mobile podcast van.
01:49:15.000 Like a van to go drive around and do podcasts.
01:49:18.000 We talked about doing that on the podcast.
01:49:20.000 Like getting one of those streamers.
01:49:22.000 What are those called?
01:49:23.000 Streamlines.
01:49:23.000 Streamlines.
01:49:24.000 Those beautiful silver ones.
01:49:26.000 Yeah.
01:49:26.000 Those silver things.
01:49:27.000 Is that called streamline?
01:49:28.000 Yeah.
01:49:29.000 Why do I feel like it's called something else?
01:49:31.000 Streamline trailer.
01:49:32.000 It's the silver one.
01:49:33.000 Yeah.
01:49:34.000 Well, that thing.
01:49:34.000 The cool-looking retro-looking one.
01:49:36.000 Yeah.
01:49:37.000 Golfstream.
01:49:38.000 Jimmy Buffett had one.
01:49:39.000 I was actually thinking about recently just selling it because I have my second car and selling it and try to get one of those and move Death Squad into that.
01:49:48.000 It's not a bad idea, dude.
01:49:49.000 I thought about doing it, too, and, like, that we could do them, like, on the road.
01:49:53.000 You could do it, like, you show up an hour early for a gig, do a gig, you know, do it in the parking lot.
01:49:59.000 Am I still on the desk squad?
01:50:01.000 There was no initiation fees.
01:50:05.000 You got your tattoo on your back still?
01:50:07.000 The lower back.
01:50:08.000 The lower back two dolphins kissing.
01:50:09.000 Where would you like to come?
01:50:11.000 Put it there.
01:50:14.000 Yeah, this one.
01:50:15.000 There's a company that makes a high-end version of these things where the inside of it is like Airstream.
01:50:22.000 There it is.
01:50:22.000 I know you fucked it up.
01:50:23.000 Streamline.
01:50:23.000 What did I say?
01:50:24.000 Streamline?
01:50:24.000 Yep.
01:50:25.000 But there is a streamline.
01:50:27.000 See, this is a streamline trailer.
01:50:28.000 Oh.
01:50:29.000 Some of them are streamlines.
01:50:31.000 They just ripped off the Airstream name.
01:50:34.000 Yeah, look at that.
01:50:35.000 Look at that sexy thing.
01:50:36.000 How much are these?
01:50:37.000 They're fucking expensive.
01:50:39.000 They're not cheap.
01:50:40.000 Because they're really made well.
01:50:44.000 There's a place up in Big Sur.
01:50:47.000 Where you rent them.
01:50:49.000 They have them set up on this property, and that's how you camp.
01:50:52.000 They have a little grill out there.
01:50:55.000 Duncan was up there for like a week.
01:50:56.000 He loved it.
01:50:57.000 He said Big Sur is his favorite place on the planet.
01:50:59.000 It's beautiful.
01:51:00.000 I know.
01:51:00.000 There's one in Joshua Tree where a lot of LA comics, they rent out a trailer.
01:51:05.000 I went to it also where they had this big circle of trailers, and each one's decorated like a different, like the 70s, the retro one, the Star Trek one.
01:51:15.000 Do you have any interest in going to Burning Man?
01:51:18.000 No.
01:51:19.000 Next year, we should podcast from Burning Man.
01:51:22.000 If we're in a trailer, yes.
01:51:24.000 Oh, yeah.
01:51:25.000 Dude, we're going to be in a trailer.
01:51:26.000 That's what I mean.
01:51:26.000 I mean, I will go there if there's a trailer.
01:51:28.000 What is Burning Man?
01:51:29.000 It's a ridiculous festival out in the middle of the desert where everyone gets together and they all dance around and do drugs.
01:51:37.000 They don't shower.
01:51:38.000 It's an excuse to be stinky.
01:51:39.000 It's like...
01:51:40.000 It's like a psychedelic sort of a festival.
01:51:44.000 And these people, they all get together.
01:51:46.000 Look at this one, Brian.
01:51:47.000 They have one that's like a truck.
01:51:49.000 They have like a coach, and you can drive it around.
01:51:53.000 They call them interstate EXTs.
01:51:55.000 Look at this.
01:51:56.000 Oh, wow.
01:51:57.000 Yeah.
01:51:57.000 So you could drive it.
01:51:59.000 So you could have your kitty cat on the side of it, and get someone to paint it, or get one of those...
01:52:04.000 Get a wrap.
01:52:04.000 A wrap, yeah.
01:52:06.000 And you take one of these things around.
01:52:08.000 If you really developed a plan, and set forth a real legitimate plan to get one of these things, you could do it in a couple of years.
01:52:20.000 Here's Will Smith at Burning Man this year on Segways.
01:52:22.000 Will Smith was there?
01:52:23.000 Yeah.
01:52:24.000 No.
01:52:25.000 For real?
01:52:25.000 Or is it a Will Smith mask?
01:52:27.000 No.
01:52:27.000 Which one's Will Smith?
01:52:28.000 This one right here.
01:52:31.000 Are they dancing together?
01:52:32.000 What are they doing?
01:52:32.000 They're filming something?
01:52:33.000 Yeah, they're getting jiggy with it.
01:52:35.000 Are they getting jiggy with it?
01:52:36.000 Yeah.
01:52:39.000 Dennis McKenna, he, or not Dennis McKenna, Graham Hancock, rather, he goes there every year.
01:52:43.000 I think he just got back from it.
01:52:45.000 It just happened, right?
01:52:46.000 Yeah, it was last week, and actually the first day or two was canceled because of rain.
01:52:49.000 They had rain, and it closed-flooded all the roads going into it.
01:52:53.000 They even have these really small ones.
01:52:54.000 Look, they just attach to the back of your trailer, and then you can just leave it at home if you want to.
01:52:58.000 Yeah, there's some good ones.
01:53:01.000 Rain?
01:53:02.000 Where is it?
01:53:05.000 Arizona?
01:53:06.000 Where does Burning Man take place?
01:53:08.000 I want to think it was California.
01:53:10.000 Why did I think it was California?
01:53:12.000 Death Valley.
01:53:13.000 Yeah, that's California.
01:53:14.000 Any desire to go to Burning Man, Dom?
01:53:17.000 No desire at all, Jim.
01:53:18.000 What if we were doing a podcast down there next year?
01:53:20.000 Would you want to stay for one day?
01:53:23.000 We'll limo you in.
01:53:24.000 Yeah.
01:53:24.000 You come out, you do the podcast, we'll limo you out.
01:53:26.000 You're in?
01:53:27.000 Yeah.
01:53:27.000 Dom Arara's in.
01:53:28.000 That's great.
01:53:29.000 Heard it here first.
01:53:29.000 Limo him in to the podcast.
01:53:32.000 We hang out, we drink, we eat.
01:53:33.000 Well, we've been talking about taking this bitch mobile.
01:53:37.000 Doing some podcasts in New York.
01:53:39.000 Doing some podcasts in other places where I can't get certain guests to come here, so I want to go to them.
01:53:45.000 I like it here.
01:53:46.000 You like it here?
01:53:46.000 It's a good spot.
01:53:47.000 Yeah, very good.
01:53:49.000 What's it do with the werewolf?
01:53:51.000 It's right out there.
01:53:52.000 It's right out by the pool table.
01:53:54.000 How the fuck do I miss that?
01:53:55.000 You're not paying attention.
01:53:56.000 Jeez.
01:53:57.000 Black Rock Desert is where Burning Man is.
01:53:59.000 Where's that?
01:54:00.000 Arizona?
01:54:01.000 Nevada?
01:54:02.000 Nevada.
01:54:03.000 Hmm.
01:54:04.000 Didn't they try to enforce laws there this year?
01:54:06.000 They're saying, like, if they catch people with drugs, they're going to arrest them and some shit?
01:54:09.000 Check your car for weapons?
01:54:10.000 Leave people alone with fucking drugs.
01:54:13.000 Jeez.
01:54:13.000 Hey, they're going to make money somehow down our area.
01:54:16.000 That's exactly what it is.
01:54:18.000 You've got to keep all those people in uniform.
01:54:19.000 Who gives a fuck?
01:54:21.000 What do people even care?
01:54:22.000 Old people, conservatives, people who want tax dollars.
01:54:26.000 Why is it their business?
01:54:26.000 It's not their business.
01:54:27.000 That's the point.
01:54:28.000 That's what makes young people so angry.
01:54:30.000 It's almost like they know that their control they have is fleeting, and they know that there's kind of a new age in the air.
01:54:37.000 Like, what was going on in the 60s is going on now, but to a much larger extent, and to a much more broad extent.
01:54:45.000 The understanding of how corrupt our system is, the understanding of how flawed it all is, pieced together, even by the people that are in it, they're involved in it.
01:54:54.000 They're all admitting that the whole thing is a disaster, whether it's the financial system, the political system.
01:54:59.000 And then on top of that, marijuana is becoming legal.
01:55:02.000 Whether people like it or not, it's spreading.
01:55:04.000 Colorado is making so much fucking tax money off of it.
01:55:07.000 Isn't that great?
01:55:07.000 Yeah.
01:55:09.000 It's also happening in Washington State.
01:55:10.000 Unprecedented numbers.
01:55:12.000 Well, the two Super Bowl teams were both from states that was legal.
01:55:15.000 Of course.
01:55:15.000 High as fuck.
01:55:16.000 Come up with good ideas.
01:55:17.000 Excellent strategies.
01:55:18.000 Joe, I don't even, you know, I smoked pot four times in my life.
01:55:21.000 Want to go for number five?
01:55:23.000 No.
01:55:24.000 No?
01:55:24.000 Just one hit.
01:55:25.000 Just a little bit?
01:55:26.000 One hit?
01:55:26.000 One hit.
01:55:27.000 That's the way it always starts.
01:55:28.000 Then I'll be a heroin addict in a week.
01:55:30.000 It'll make you feel good.
01:55:30.000 It's not a gateway drug.
01:55:31.000 It's a gateway drug, Joe.
01:55:32.000 That's the Partnership for a Drug-Free America trying to trick you.
01:55:35.000 I'm totally convinced that it's not a gateway drug, by the way.
01:55:38.000 I don't know anybody that went from pot to heroin.
01:55:41.000 Well, you could, but you could also go from toothpaste to heroin.
01:55:45.000 It doesn't mean that it's a gateway.
01:55:47.000 Everybody drinks water who does heroin, by the way.
01:55:49.000 I think heroin should be legal, by the way.
01:55:51.000 I do, too.
01:55:52.000 I think everything should be legal, but I think there should be consequences to selling people things that are bad for them.
01:55:57.000 So I think that if heroin is legal, but if you're selling heroin, I think there should be massive consequences.
01:56:03.000 I think if people die of overdoses, I think you should be held responsible.
01:56:06.000 Just like you should be held responsible, say, if you come up with...
01:56:10.000 You come up with some new medication.
01:56:12.000 If you're a pharmaceutical company and you come up with a new medication, it deals with migraines.
01:56:16.000 But it also winds up killing a certain percentage of people.
01:56:19.000 You should be held financially responsible.
01:56:21.000 You should be able to be sued.
01:56:22.000 He's got a joint for you.
01:56:23.000 What are you, the devil?
01:56:25.000 He's the devil.
01:56:25.000 Look at him.
01:56:26.000 That's what the devil looks like.
01:56:27.000 Everybody thinks the devil looks mean.
01:56:28.000 He looks cuddly.
01:56:29.000 He looks like Red Band.
01:56:30.000 The devil looks like a big sweetie.
01:56:32.000 Go ahead.
01:56:32.000 I don't want it.
01:56:34.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:56:35.000 He doesn't.
01:56:35.000 Stop being a pusher.
01:56:36.000 What were we talking about before the devil?
01:56:39.000 Just the legality of drugs and how ridiculous.
01:56:41.000 And you're saying that people who sell drugs to people should be held responsible.
01:56:48.000 Yeah, being responsible for the repercussions of what happens to people when they use it.
01:56:52.000 If people die of heroin overdoses, if that's possible from something that you sell, you should be held financially responsible.
01:56:58.000 Up to a point.
01:57:00.000 Because, you know, you could die from salt.
01:57:02.000 Yeah, you could die.
01:57:04.000 If you give a guy bacon every day for breakfast, That's gonna be dangerous for us all.
01:57:09.000 If you eat...
01:57:10.000 No, it's not.
01:57:11.000 Bacon, believe it or not, is not bad for you.
01:57:13.000 Bacon?
01:57:13.000 Yep, not bad for you.
01:57:14.000 It's the most delicious thing I've ever had in my life.
01:57:16.000 It's not bad for you.
01:57:17.000 You know what's bad for you?
01:57:18.000 Being fat enough that bacon is bad for you.
01:57:20.000 That's what's bad for you.
01:57:21.000 You don't have to say it like that.
01:57:22.000 I'm not saying that you're fat.
01:57:23.000 You said it like you projected me.
01:57:26.000 It wasn't to you.
01:57:27.000 I'm looking at you because you like the audience of my delivery, but I didn't mean you.
01:57:31.000 I meant Ralphie Mae.
01:57:32.000 I meant someone larger.
01:57:34.000 That's not me.
01:57:35.000 I love Ralphie, by the way.
01:57:36.000 This is just jokes.
01:57:37.000 You're talking about me.
01:57:38.000 I'm right here.
01:57:38.000 Yeah, he's right there.
01:57:40.000 But when you're so fat that bacon's doing you in, well, some people have naturally high cholesterol, too.
01:57:45.000 That's another thing to take into consideration.
01:57:47.000 There's some people that genetically have high cholesterol, and they have to watch it.
01:57:50.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:57:50.000 And you also have to balance out your good cholesterol and your bad cholesterol.
01:57:53.000 A lot of people think that cholesterol's all bad.
01:57:56.000 You know, there's LDL and HDL. There's good cholesterol, and then there's cholesterol that is not good for you.
01:58:02.000 Mine is good.
01:58:03.000 But if you have, like, low cholesterol, like, there's certain cholesterol that's actually good for brain function.
01:58:08.000 Yeah.
01:58:09.000 I think.
01:58:10.000 What kind of cholesterol is that?
01:58:12.000 I've just heard that though.
01:58:15.000 Cholesterol.
01:58:17.000 The hipster cholesterol.
01:58:19.000 Good.
01:58:20.000 I'm going to write cholesterol.
01:58:21.000 Good.
01:58:22.000 Okay, here it is.
01:58:23.000 Good versus bad cholesterol from the American Heart Association.
01:58:26.000 Okay, so this is not bullshit at all.
01:58:29.000 HDL and LDL triglycerides.
01:58:31.000 What's the difference?
01:58:33.000 And LDL cholesterol is considered the bad cholesterol because it contributes to plaque and Which is a thick, hard deposit that can clog arteries and make them less flexible.
01:58:43.000 So arterial sclerosis is what comes from the bad cholesterol, and those narrowed arteries will give people heart attacks.
01:58:54.000 HDL cholesterol is considered good cholesterol because it helps remove LDL cholesterol from the arteries, which is interesting.
01:59:02.000 Crestor does that.
01:59:04.000 Is that a pill?
01:59:06.000 Yeah.
01:59:28.000 While low levels of HDL cholesterol have been shown to increase the risk of heart attacks.
01:59:34.000 Dr. Mark Gordon explained this to me when I had my blood work done.
01:59:39.000 And what he was telling me is that there's a lot of issues where people think they have high cholesterol.
01:59:45.000 And then they say, oh, my cholesterol count is this.
01:59:47.000 And you say, okay, what does that mean?
01:59:49.000 Is it your HDL or your LDL? And then most people don't even know.
01:59:53.000 They used to not know.
01:59:54.000 And if...
01:59:55.000 You're dealing with a physician that doesn't understand the difference between the two if they're not an expert in it.
02:00:00.000 They can give you bad advice and get you on medication that you don't even need.
02:00:05.000 You have high HDL. You have high healthy cholesterol.
02:00:11.000 You really want to balance, allegedly.
02:00:15.000 Coming from me, I'm no doctor to steal one of your bits.
02:00:19.000 I'm not a doctor.
02:00:20.000 You're not.
02:00:20.000 I had no idea.
02:00:24.000 So my point is, Bacon, not bad.
02:00:27.000 Not bad for you.
02:00:28.000 Diddy went to Burning Man this year and supposedly changed his life forever.
02:00:33.000 Look at his picture of him at Burning Man and then look at this.
02:00:39.000 He was at Burning Man with his own little umbrella?
02:00:42.000 He didn't even have a guy holding it for him?
02:00:43.000 That's crazy.
02:00:45.000 Who's that?
02:00:46.000 P. Diddy.
02:00:48.000 Oh.
02:00:48.000 And supposedly it changed his life.
02:00:52.000 Words cannot explain.
02:00:53.000 I'll never be the same.
02:00:54.000 Same.
02:00:56.000 Bacon is loaded with fats, but they're good fats.
02:00:59.000 The fats in bacon are about 50% monosaturated and a large part of those is aleric acid.
02:01:04.000 This is the same fatty acid that olive oil is praised for and is generally considered heart healthy.
02:01:10.000 40% of it is saturated fat accompanied by a decent amount of cholesterol.
02:01:14.000 But we now know that the saturated fat isn't harmful and cholesterol in the diet doesn't affect cholesterol in the blood.
02:01:23.000 Right.
02:01:24.000 That's the greatest news I had all day.
02:01:25.000 Bacon.
02:01:26.000 Bacon and jogging.
02:01:28.000 Let's go get some bacon sandwiches.
02:01:29.000 Put the two of them together.
02:01:30.000 So you're going to the gym though, right?
02:01:32.000 You work out?
02:01:33.000 Yeah.
02:01:34.000 Where do you work out?
02:01:34.000 No, don't tell people.
02:01:35.000 They'll fucking stalk you.
02:01:36.000 They'll stalk you and steal your underwear.
02:01:38.000 Break into your locker and shit in it.
02:01:40.000 You know, this place, Joe.
02:01:41.000 Oh, that place.
02:01:42.000 Okay.
02:01:43.000 You know what I'm talking about.
02:01:44.000 Yeah?
02:01:44.000 So you get a good workout there?
02:01:46.000 Yeah, I got a...
02:01:47.000 Excuse me.
02:01:48.000 I got a...
02:01:49.000 A torn rotator cuff, partially torn.
02:01:52.000 So it's been tough to lift the weights and you get flabby right away at this age.
02:01:56.000 I was in Perth and I opened up an elevator that was closed during a fire alarm.
02:02:02.000 I pulled this thing.
02:02:05.000 Unbelievable timing.
02:02:06.000 I'm in Chicago, fucking totally in pain.
02:02:09.000 A guy comes up to me after and goes, you know, I'm an orthopedic surgeon.
02:02:13.000 I got 20 doctors here.
02:02:15.000 A couple of us were talking about you.
02:02:17.000 You have a partially torn rotator cuff.
02:02:19.000 I said, wow, you can tell by looking at me?
02:02:22.000 He goes, absolutely.
02:02:22.000 He said, you can see the way I was raising my hand.
02:02:24.000 He says, come in tomorrow, pro bono, I'll take care of you.
02:02:27.000 Wow.
02:02:28.000 I says, you know, I got insurance.
02:02:29.000 He says, no, no, you made me laugh for 25 years.
02:02:31.000 I'll take care of you.
02:02:32.000 I think it's going to be me, him, and a needle.
02:02:34.000 It's like a whole group of doctors.
02:02:36.000 And he's trying to be funny.
02:02:38.000 He goes, is that the hand you come with?
02:02:40.000 He said, is that the hand you jerk off with?
02:02:42.000 I said, well, I jerk with that hand, but I'm off with this hand.
02:02:46.000 Anyway, so I'm up there, and he gives me a needle in the shoulder.
02:02:51.000 I said, well, why am I up here?
02:02:52.000 My hip hurts, too.
02:02:53.000 He goes, I'll look at that.
02:02:54.000 He x-rayed that.
02:02:55.000 Give me another fucking shot.
02:02:56.000 It was great.
02:02:57.000 So, the partially turned rotator cuff, does it need surgery?
02:03:00.000 No.
02:03:01.000 No?
02:03:01.000 It's 85%.
02:03:02.000 I mean, it's only 15% tour.
02:03:04.000 So, it just needs exercise.
02:03:07.000 So, you have to stabilize it?
02:03:08.000 Is that what it is?
02:03:09.000 You have to always be moving it.
02:03:13.000 Does it fuck with you right now?
02:03:14.000 Like, if you're moving around?
02:03:15.000 Yeah.
02:03:16.000 Like, sometimes, like this.
02:03:17.000 Like, moving it like that.
02:03:19.000 I can't.
02:03:20.000 Like, you know, that goes.
02:03:21.000 This, I can't do.
02:03:22.000 I've never had, like, real shoulder problems, but I had some recently where I shot too many arrows.
02:03:28.000 I got overzealous with my bow and arrow.
02:03:31.000 I have a 90-pound bow and an 80-pound bow, and I shot the 90-pound bow, like, 150 times a day.
02:03:38.000 It was just way too much.
02:03:39.000 My shoulder just got worn out, and it was hurting for like a couple of months.
02:03:43.000 But thankfully, it wasn't torn.
02:03:45.000 It was just like tendonitis, like a very mild form of irritated tendons.
02:03:50.000 But now it's 100%.
02:03:51.000 It took like five weeks, five or six weeks.
02:03:54.000 I never had anything like that.
02:03:56.000 Luckily, it was my right hands, because I'm left-handed, so...
02:03:59.000 Yeah, it's not good.
02:04:00.000 Shoulders are a weird joint because shoulders move.
02:04:03.000 They're articulated in very strange ways as opposed to like knees which just bend like a hinge.
02:04:08.000 When a shoulder goes bad, it's bad for fighters.
02:04:11.000 It's a real issue for fighters.
02:04:13.000 Like they have to get surgery and they don't fight for a year.
02:04:17.000 It's a long time out.
02:04:17.000 It's a career ender for baseball players.
02:04:20.000 Is it really?
02:04:20.000 For pitchers, yeah.
02:04:22.000 Yeah, I would imagine it'd have to be really smooth.
02:04:25.000 They're fucking whipping that arm back like that.
02:04:28.000 Can they fix that now or still no?
02:04:30.000 Yeah, they can fix it.
02:04:31.000 But now it's not a career ender anymore.
02:04:32.000 Well, it can be.
02:04:33.000 It still can be.
02:04:35.000 Just like the elbow.
02:04:37.000 Oh man, it's weird when you find out there's parts of your body that they can't fix.
02:04:42.000 Like one of the things that I found out when I started to have back issues is they want to start cutting things.
02:04:47.000 They want to start getting in there and fucking yanking shit out.
02:04:50.000 But there's certain things that they just can't fix.
02:04:54.000 They've started to give you artificial discs.
02:04:57.000 They've started to give those to people.
02:04:59.000 They have spacers or these plastic things that they screw in in the place where your mushy disc used to be.
02:05:06.000 And now they have these titanium rotating discs that they put in your neck.
02:05:12.000 Wow.
02:05:12.000 Yeah, pretty crazy.
02:05:13.000 And some people in other countries, they do that.
02:05:16.000 And they don't do it yet in America, I don't believe.
02:05:19.000 So some people who get injured in America go to other countries to get your fucking neck cut open.
02:05:23.000 Like Germany does it, and England does it.
02:05:26.000 They put a little fake disc in there that moves around, screws and shit.
02:05:29.000 So much as how you get hit, like what you're breaking.
02:05:32.000 Like Bo Jackson.
02:05:33.000 Remember Bo Jackson?
02:05:34.000 He was a great baseball and football player.
02:05:36.000 He had a knee, a hip injury.
02:05:38.000 It was the end of his career.
02:05:40.000 That was it.
02:05:40.000 He kept playing baseball for a little while.
02:05:42.000 He tried, yeah.
02:05:43.000 He was the first one that ever played with an artificial hip, but I mean, he was never the same.
02:05:46.000 He had so much power, he was able to hit home runs without even turning over.
02:05:52.000 He didn't even totally rotate.
02:05:54.000 He would halfway rotate.
02:05:55.000 And he would get pissed, he would break a bat on his leg.
02:05:58.000 You know how fucking hard that is to do?
02:05:59.000 He's a super athlete.
02:06:00.000 That guy, Bo Jackson, could have done anything.
02:06:02.000 If he wanted to go into MMA, he would have been a world champion.
02:06:05.000 He'd be such a super athlete.
02:06:07.000 And they said he barely worked out.
02:06:08.000 Barely lifted weights.
02:06:10.000 Just was naturally super strong and just a great athlete.
02:06:14.000 Will Chamberlain was supposed to be like that, because I'm from Philly, and we always read about him.
02:06:18.000 Oh, I'd imagine.
02:06:19.000 Look at the size of the guy.
02:06:20.000 But he was the fastest, too.
02:06:22.000 That's incredible.
02:06:22.000 He was the fastest guy on his team.
02:06:24.000 Well, you remember when Jordan was in his prime and he would literally fly through the air?
02:06:28.000 Yeah.
02:06:28.000 He would fly.
02:06:29.000 Like, nobody had seen anything like that before.
02:06:31.000 Julius Erving.
02:06:32.000 Sort of.
02:06:33.000 The sky hook, right?
02:06:34.000 No, no.
02:06:34.000 The hook was Abdul-Jabbar.
02:06:36.000 Oh, okay.
02:06:37.000 But Julius Erving was the first one that did the, from the foul line in the dunk contest.
02:06:43.000 Whoa, really?
02:06:44.000 Jumped from the foul line and dunked, yeah.
02:06:45.000 That was so crazy that someone could do that.
02:06:48.000 His hands are so fucking big, Joe, that he could palm a record album.
02:06:51.000 What?
02:06:51.000 Can you imagine that?
02:06:52.000 Oh my god, that's insane.
02:06:55.000 That's insane.
02:06:57.000 That's insane.
02:06:59.000 Yeah, imagine if Michael Jordan got into MMA and was just flying across the fucking cage and punching people in the head.
02:07:06.000 Because there's levels of athleticism, you know?
02:07:09.000 There's like...
02:07:10.000 There's the average guy, and then there's the above-average guy, and there's the guy who's above the above-average guy, and then there's a super athlete, and then there's a Michael Jordan, who makes the super athletes look like he's on another level from them.
02:07:23.000 LeBron James does, too.
02:07:24.000 Yeah, same thing, right?
02:07:25.000 Yeah, you know, an old buddy of mine is Charles Barkley.
02:07:28.000 You know who he is?
02:07:30.000 Sure.
02:07:31.000 He was telling me, he goes, look at me.
02:07:34.000 He says, my thighs are 32 inches.
02:07:37.000 He goes, I got a definite advantage.
02:07:39.000 He goes, look at that little white guy, Scotty Brooks.
02:07:41.000 He can barely touch the net.
02:07:44.000 Yeah, there's certain physical advantages that are undeniable.
02:07:47.000 Oh, yeah.
02:07:47.000 The idea that all men are created equal is fucking preposterous.
02:07:50.000 No, you could say the human soul is equal.
02:07:52.000 Or that you should be equal under the eyes of the law.
02:07:55.000 Yeah, but no, they're not equal.
02:07:57.000 Yeah, you can take all the steroids you want.
02:07:59.000 You'll never be able to do what Michael Jordan did naturally.
02:08:02.000 No.
02:08:02.000 And you can't practice being 6'10".
02:08:04.000 Yeah.
02:08:05.000 That's also a weird thing, isn't it?
02:08:06.000 Where people talk about performance enhancing drugs should be illegal.
02:08:11.000 They definitely should.
02:08:12.000 But if they are, that means the super athletes are always going to have an advantage.
02:08:16.000 Just a natural, undeniable advantage in speed and power and the ability to move.
02:08:22.000 Well, racial differences make a difference.
02:08:24.000 What are you, Jimmy the Greek?
02:08:26.000 Over here!
02:08:26.000 No, they do.
02:08:27.000 But I mean, physically, you know, it's incredible.
02:08:30.000 There has not been a white cornerback in the NFL that I remember in the last 20, 25 years.
02:08:39.000 One position.
02:08:40.000 That's discrimination.
02:08:40.000 That's why.
02:08:41.000 No, they're quicker.
02:08:43.000 No, they're trying to keep the white man down.
02:08:44.000 Yeah, right.
02:08:46.000 Dom, you know, you come on this podcast and you start spreading black propaganda.
02:08:51.000 It's the same thing every time you're here.
02:08:54.000 I hate all minorities, Joe.
02:08:56.000 Even white people?
02:08:57.000 Yes.
02:08:58.000 When white people become minority, maybe everybody will relax.
02:09:01.000 Also, minority talk.
02:09:04.000 It's funny, the thing you say about race, because on a serious level, these guys can't say anything.
02:09:10.000 No.
02:09:10.000 That's what's so funny about Barkley, because he's black, he can say stuff.
02:09:14.000 He says that I know you can't say it, but I'm going to say it, whatever it is, you know?
02:09:19.000 Yeah, there's a lot of fucking, like, things that they used to say, like, on a regular basis, now they can't even say.
02:09:26.000 So they've had to adjust over the last just few years.
02:09:29.000 Yeah.
02:09:30.000 Oh, everything's so politically correct now.
02:09:32.000 And now Sam, that guy Sam, got picked up by the Cowboys, the guy who came out and said he was gay.
02:09:39.000 So now he's with a team.
02:09:40.000 Well, I heard that he was, according to Jamie, that the reason why they picked him up is that the Cowboys, the guy who owns the Cowboys, is into publicity.
02:09:48.000 Oh, yeah.
02:09:49.000 Totally.
02:09:49.000 You think so?
02:09:50.000 Yeah, he's a money-making machine, this guy.
02:09:53.000 The Cowboys have been a 500 team for the last 10 years, probably.
02:09:57.000 They haven't won a Super Bowl in 20 years, and they're the most valuable franchise in America.
02:10:04.000 That's incredible.
02:10:05.000 Yeah.
02:10:05.000 That's hard to believe.
02:10:07.000 That doesn't even make any sense.
02:10:09.000 They're worth, I think, $3.2 billion.
02:10:12.000 How come they don't have to win?
02:10:14.000 They don't have to win because of publicity.
02:10:16.000 First of all, they're called America's Team.
02:10:18.000 Do you know who named them that?
02:10:19.000 The owner?
02:10:20.000 Themselves, yeah, the owner.
02:10:21.000 It's a guy named Tex Graham.
02:10:23.000 But America's Team, they got the star and the glitter and the fucking beauty.
02:10:27.000 Wait a minute, is it Dallas Cowboys and the dude's name is Tex?
02:10:31.000 Yeah, his name is Tex Graham.
02:10:34.000 He wins.
02:10:35.000 Yeah, but I mean, he's dead now, but he was the one that created that image.
02:10:39.000 Whatever happened to that show you used to do for Comedy Central?
02:10:41.000 That was a funny show.
02:10:42.000 You used to do like a show with football players.
02:10:44.000 Yeah, it was called Offsides.
02:10:46.000 Well, what happened to it was the timing was bad.
02:10:49.000 You know, if Comedy Central was as big as they are now, they could have afforded more.
02:10:53.000 But NFL Films was so fucking expensive.
02:10:56.000 That they just had to lift.
02:10:57.000 We had good ratings, but it just wasn't, you know, their footage cost so much for us to get.
02:11:04.000 And I had so much fun with the players because they knew I wasn't a journalist.
02:11:09.000 So they were like, I get, you know, Brett Favre's.
02:11:13.000 Okay, so Reggie White was their star of their team.
02:11:16.000 And he recognized me.
02:11:18.000 He goes, man, I saw you on Oprah.
02:11:19.000 And I said, I can't picture you sitting there with a Kleenex box going, I can't believe these two sisters never met before they were 21. Why is it Oprah?
02:11:28.000 So Reggie wanted to do a thing with me.
02:11:31.000 He liked doing impressions.
02:11:32.000 So Favre was the second biggest star on the team.
02:11:36.000 And he comes up to me and goes, what are you doing?
02:11:37.000 I said, we're doing a football show for Comedy Central.
02:11:39.000 You want to do it?
02:11:40.000 He says, well, what do I got to do?
02:11:41.000 I said, just fuck around.
02:11:44.000 I'm not a journalist.
02:11:45.000 We'll just have fun.
02:11:46.000 So I could see he had some trepidations about it.
02:11:49.000 I thought I was going to maybe lay into him.
02:11:51.000 I said to him, so I'm fucking this girl in the ass, right?
02:11:54.000 I mean, I'm holding her down.
02:11:55.000 I'm fucking banging her.
02:11:56.000 No rubber, no nothing.
02:11:57.000 I ain't no pussy.
02:11:58.000 And he starts laughing.
02:11:59.000 He goes, are you allowed to say this?
02:12:01.000 I go, we're not on satellite, man.
02:12:03.000 I'm just trying to make you laugh.
02:12:04.000 And then he got loose, and then we had a great interview.
02:12:09.000 When you did that, was the NFL in the same position it's at now?
02:12:13.000 Was it just as popular?
02:12:14.000 Still, the NFL's never dwindled, right?
02:12:16.000 No, it's gotten bigger and bigger.
02:12:18.000 Bigger now?
02:12:19.000 Football is by far the most...
02:12:21.000 I mean, I don't know about NASCAR, but of the regular athletic sports, football is so fucking big.
02:12:29.000 High school football, college football.
02:12:31.000 Yeah.
02:12:32.000 I think NASCAR is the biggest spectator sport, right?
02:12:35.000 Isn't it?
02:12:36.000 I think that's what I've heard.
02:12:37.000 Don't they have places where they have 200,000 people or something absurd?
02:12:41.000 Well, you know what happens?
02:12:42.000 Yeah, there's that.
02:12:42.000 But you know what also happens?
02:12:43.000 Is that when you go down south, everybody knows about NASCAR. I was on the radio once in Atlanta, and they just started talking to me about this.
02:12:51.000 Kyle Waldrop and Neil Degren, this guy, bringing up all these names I never even heard of.
02:12:58.000 This guy won the Talladega.
02:13:00.000 And I literally, I go, so what are you talking about?
02:13:03.000 And they're like, we're talking about NASCAR. You don't follow NASCAR? Yeah.
02:13:06.000 This guy does not follow NASCAR? Like, it was so alien to them that I didn't know who any of those guys were.
02:13:13.000 I heard about Dale Earnhardt.
02:13:14.000 What about Dale Earnhardt?
02:13:16.000 Is he still doing it?
02:13:17.000 You know, like, you hear, like, certain names, like, will escape from that world.
02:13:21.000 I mean, I only know Tony Stewart because he was the guy that accidentally apparently killed...
02:13:26.000 That driver that got out of the car, you see that?
02:13:28.000 Yeah, that was fucked.
02:13:29.000 That was crazy.
02:13:30.000 What the fuck was he thinking?
02:13:32.000 The driver got...
02:13:32.000 Well, Tony Stewart apparently clipped him with his car and spun him out, and he was only 20. He was a hot-headed 20-year-old.
02:13:38.000 Yeah, but getting out, you know, geez...
02:13:40.000 Amazing that Tony Stewart's going to race again.
02:13:42.000 He did.
02:13:43.000 That's nuts.
02:13:44.000 He raced again.
02:13:45.000 He came in like 41st.
02:13:47.000 Probably taking it real slow, huh?
02:13:49.000 Yeah.
02:13:50.000 You can't be a dick after you run somebody over.
02:13:52.000 Imagine if he just fucking balls to the wall, clipping everybody now.
02:13:55.000 Fuck you.
02:13:56.000 Or what if he's just a very safe driver now?
02:13:59.000 He's like giving proper turn singles.
02:14:01.000 He's like, I'm going.
02:14:01.000 Is that a normal?
02:14:02.000 Turn singles in a racetrack.
02:14:04.000 Is that a normal position for him to be in?
02:14:07.000 40th place?
02:14:07.000 No, no.
02:14:08.000 He's usually up there at the top.
02:14:09.000 I mean, I don't know that much about it.
02:14:11.000 I bet he did try to take it slow, probably.
02:14:14.000 He's probably a real mindfuck, man.
02:14:16.000 I couldn't imagine.
02:14:17.000 It's like Boom Boom Mancini after he killed Dooku Kim.
02:14:21.000 The guy shouldn't have been fighting, but Raymond was never the same after that.
02:14:25.000 No.
02:14:26.000 No, it wasn't.
02:14:27.000 It's one of those things, man.
02:14:28.000 It's hard for guys.
02:14:30.000 It's hard to...
02:14:31.000 Also, for a boxer, you're dealing with your own mortality, too.
02:14:35.000 Oh, yeah.
02:14:37.000 That's the fight that changed fighting from 15 rounds to 12. Did it?
02:14:44.000 Yeah.
02:14:44.000 He died in the 13th, I believe.
02:14:45.000 You know, he had bleeding on his brain before he got in the ring.
02:14:49.000 How do they know that?
02:14:50.000 That's what I read.
02:14:51.000 I don't know.
02:14:52.000 They said that he shouldn't have been fighting.
02:14:58.000 Well, I know that he was cutting weight.
02:15:01.000 And that was also, I think, back when they would weigh in the day of the fight.
02:15:04.000 But now they know more about weight cutting.
02:15:07.000 Because Mancini was a lightweight.
02:15:09.000 So that was 135 pounds.
02:15:12.000 And I think that fight took place as a lightweight fight, I believe.
02:15:17.000 He fought Livingstone Bramble.
02:15:19.000 He fought a lot of great fighters.
02:15:20.000 Alexis Arguello.
02:15:21.000 He came to see me at the Improv one night, and we went out to talk, and his wife and his kid were watching the show.
02:15:29.000 And some guy comes up to us, and he goes, Boom Boom Mancini.
02:15:32.000 He goes, Can I ask you something?
02:15:34.000 Will you hit me?
02:15:35.000 Pfft!
02:15:35.000 Right?
02:15:36.000 And I said to the guy, I said, look, you know, I said, I can't hit you.
02:15:41.000 You know, Raymond's a really nice guy.
02:15:42.000 Did you ever meet him?
02:15:43.000 I said hi to him.
02:15:44.000 Never really had a conversation with him.
02:15:46.000 You know, a Youngstown, Ohio, like, real cool guy and did it all for his father.
02:15:51.000 Great story.
02:15:52.000 And I said, look, man, he can't hit you.
02:15:55.000 You know, like Raymond's like...
02:15:57.000 And they said, well, can I hit you then?
02:15:59.000 Oh, God.
02:16:00.000 I said, no, you can't fucking hit him.
02:16:02.000 What are you, crazy?
02:16:02.000 Can I hit you?
02:16:05.000 He said, I always wanted to see what a professional punch felt like.
02:16:08.000 Oh, God.
02:16:10.000 I like to give him an amateur punch.
02:16:12.000 Well, not only that, dummy.
02:16:13.000 The guy's got to wrap his fucking hands and then put gloves on and then punch you.
02:16:17.000 Otherwise, he could break his hand.
02:16:18.000 Of course.
02:16:19.000 With the force that they hit?
02:16:21.000 Yeah, you could easily break your hand on someone's forehead.
02:16:23.000 He's lucky he didn't say that to Vinnie Curto.
02:16:25.000 Vinnie would have probably punched him.
02:16:27.000 Oh, God, Joe.
02:16:28.000 I did a great thing with Vinny one time.
02:16:31.000 Did I ever tell you this?
02:16:32.000 What?
02:16:32.000 I don't know.
02:16:33.000 Tell it to me first.
02:16:34.000 I brought him up.
02:16:35.000 Okay.
02:16:36.000 We had a crazy fucking nut cocaine head that lived upstairs.
02:16:40.000 Oh, you did tell me this, yeah.
02:16:41.000 They would fuck, and then you'd hear a shower.
02:16:44.000 It was like five in the morning.
02:16:45.000 I stayed up late, but after a while, I just said to him once, can you turn the music down just a little?
02:16:50.000 That's all.
02:16:51.000 Nice, you know.
02:16:52.000 Next day, Kim's window was broken in her car.
02:16:55.000 I knew he fucking did it.
02:16:57.000 So I go get Vinny, and Vinny looked like a fucking, you know, incredibly fucking gorilla, just killer.
02:17:03.000 Caveman, 100%.
02:17:05.000 And I get a kick out of him, and I like the guy personally.
02:17:08.000 But he did me a favor.
02:17:10.000 We go up, and it was like good guy, bad guy thing.
02:17:12.000 And the kid opened the door, and the kid goes, what?
02:17:15.000 And I go, hey, man, I just want to ask you.
02:17:17.000 And he sees Vinny, and then he changed completely.
02:17:20.000 And he goes, you know, I just wanted to tell you that somebody broke a window.
02:17:28.000 And as your neighbor, I want to warn you that there's somebody around here.
02:17:31.000 So just look out for yourself.
02:17:33.000 And I'm totally not really mean.
02:17:34.000 Right, right, right.
02:17:35.000 And Vinny goes, this is my fucking cousin.
02:17:37.000 He goes, I love him like a brother.
02:17:38.000 He goes, when anybody does fucks with Dom, I get these fucking headaches.
02:17:43.000 I don't even know what I'm doing.
02:17:44.000 And the guy goes, no, no, man.
02:17:46.000 I certainly didn't do it.
02:17:47.000 I go, oh.
02:17:48.000 Who the fuck accused you of doing it?
02:17:50.000 Why would you say that?
02:17:53.000 And he goes, Vinnie said, I sleep on his couch in the afternoon.
02:17:57.000 Make sure there's no fucking noise.
02:17:58.000 I'll go fucking crazy.
02:17:59.000 And that was, you know.
02:18:00.000 And that stopped the noise, stopped everything?
02:18:02.000 Yeah, stopped everything.
02:18:03.000 Then he'd see him at the gym.
02:18:05.000 He'd see Vinnie pressing 500 pounds at the gym.
02:18:07.000 Hey, how you doing?
02:18:08.000 How's your cousin?
02:18:11.000 That's the problem with living in apartments.
02:18:13.000 Yeah.
02:18:14.000 I had a guy that lived below me that asked me not...
02:18:17.000 I had a pool table in my living room.
02:18:19.000 I bought this pool table and I rented this apartment specifically because it had a place for the pool table.
02:18:25.000 This is the place that I lived in when I had to stay in LA. The first place I moved.
02:18:30.000 In North Hollywood.
02:18:31.000 You signed the lease.
02:18:32.000 Yeah, I signed the lease and that's what made me stay and that's the reason why I got everything.
02:18:36.000 News, radio, everything.
02:18:37.000 But I got this, it was a loft, and it had this big living room.
02:18:41.000 And I was like, I could definitely get a pool table in here.
02:18:44.000 I'll take it.
02:18:45.000 I tell the guy this.
02:18:46.000 The fucking landlord shows it to me.
02:18:48.000 I'm looking for a place at the pool table.
02:18:49.000 He was below me.
02:18:51.000 The landlord?
02:18:52.000 Yeah, not the landlord, but the superintendent or whatever it is.
02:18:55.000 The guy who showed me the place.
02:18:57.000 It wasn't the actual landlord.
02:18:58.000 What are they called?
02:18:59.000 Superintendents?
02:19:00.000 Yeah.
02:19:01.000 So, he's this gay guy.
02:19:04.000 He's a really flamboyant gay guy with his boyfriend.
02:19:07.000 After I put the pool table in, he knocks on the door and he goes, we're having an issue with you walking around.
02:19:15.000 I go, you're having an issue with me walking?
02:19:17.000 Just walking.
02:19:18.000 He goes, well, the floor creaks.
02:19:19.000 I hear you walking.
02:19:20.000 What are you supposed to do?
02:19:21.000 I go, okay, well, what do you want me to do?
02:19:23.000 And he goes, well, between the hours of 5 p.m.
02:19:26.000 and 10 p.m., could you just not do that?
02:19:28.000 I go, so you're asking me not to walk in the living room?
02:19:31.000 I'm not even doing anything.
02:19:31.000 I'm just walking.
02:19:33.000 And he goes, oh, so I see the game we're going to play here.
02:19:37.000 I go, the game we're going to play.
02:19:39.000 I go, what you're telling me is the structural integrity of the apartment that you rented me is not good enough for me to actually be walking.
02:19:47.000 Just walking in the living room between a five-hour window every night.
02:19:52.000 When you get home to when you go to bed.
02:19:53.000 That's what you want.
02:19:55.000 He goes, yeah.
02:19:56.000 I go, what the fuck is this?
02:19:58.000 That's just crazy.
02:19:59.000 You can't say don't walk.
02:20:01.000 I go, what if I just walk around my pool table?
02:20:03.000 If I don't play, I just walk in the living room.
02:20:06.000 Like, if I have people over and they want to walk around, look out the window.
02:20:10.000 You just have to roll or scoot.
02:20:11.000 How about I put a webcam over?
02:20:13.000 You can tell when I'm walking and when I'm playing pool so you can't get mad at me.
02:20:18.000 That's hilarious.
02:20:19.000 Fucking apartments, man.
02:20:20.000 How did you settle?
02:20:21.000 I kept playing pool.
02:20:23.000 Fuck him.
02:20:23.000 Yeah, I had a guy who wouldn't let me do the treadmill.
02:20:27.000 And I told him, I said, I'll do it any time that you're not there.
02:20:31.000 Just to compromise anything.
02:20:33.000 I moved it for him.
02:20:34.000 You were killing me.
02:20:36.000 You were killing my wife.
02:20:38.000 I said, who the fuck invited you in this country?
02:20:40.000 Go back to wherever the fuck you came from.
02:20:42.000 Oh, Dom, I can't believe you took it there.
02:20:43.000 Oh, yeah, well, I hated the guy.
02:20:45.000 Why'd you have to go to the immigrant place?
02:20:48.000 Oh, yeah.
02:20:50.000 Who brought you to this country?
02:20:52.000 Get the fuck back.
02:20:53.000 Who made you gay?
02:20:56.000 When he said that to me, like, oh, I see the game we're playing.
02:20:59.000 I was like, okay, there's no negotiating with you.
02:21:01.000 You're a ridiculous person.
02:21:02.000 I probably thought about it.
02:21:03.000 I probably didn't play as much.
02:21:06.000 Yeah, but it takes the fun out of it.
02:21:07.000 Then you gotta worry about some fucking nut downstairs.
02:21:10.000 The crazy thing was, it wasn't loud.
02:21:13.000 It wasn't like I moved around, I heard...
02:21:15.000 I didn't hear anything while I was walking.
02:21:19.000 I didn't hear shit.
02:21:21.000 I've been in that situation where you hear every single footstep and they had to end up putting carpet just to fix it.
02:21:27.000 Well, I had a carpet already.
02:21:29.000 It was already carpeted.
02:21:29.000 It was just a shitty building because the lady next door to me, super nice lady, but she would be on her phone and I would hear every fucking word she said.
02:21:38.000 Yeah, that's poorly made.
02:21:39.000 It was like, there's no insulation in California.
02:21:42.000 The difference between apartments on the East Coast and apartments on the West Coast is those fiberglass insulation or the stuff they pump into the walls to retain heat, they don't need that out here.
02:21:52.000 So you got wallboard, stud, wallboard.
02:21:55.000 You basically got a fucking notebook.
02:21:57.000 Between you and some person who's talking like some pretty intimate shit.
02:22:02.000 Every time she would get a phone call, I would hear her voice, her answering machine go on, and I would hear friends leave her messages.
02:22:09.000 That's not good.
02:22:10.000 That was ridiculous.
02:22:11.000 I always think about that if I'm watching porn and they hear it next door.
02:22:14.000 Do you turn it up really loud?
02:22:16.000 I just gave up.
02:22:17.000 Only when the guy comes.
02:22:21.000 I stopped caring.
02:22:22.000 There was just too many times where I'm just masturbating in my office and look over, notice my windows open, there's people fencing in my backyard.
02:22:28.000 I'm like, oh, you guys know.
02:22:29.000 Fencing?
02:22:30.000 Yeah, they just fence all day.
02:22:31.000 Who fences?
02:22:32.000 In your name of it now?
02:22:33.000 My neighbors dress up as pirates and goth people and fence.
02:22:37.000 Fucking Burbank, man.
02:22:39.000 Fucking white people in Burbank, they're fencing in your backyard.
02:22:43.000 They make their own costumes, though.
02:22:44.000 It's pretty badass.
02:22:45.000 They do?
02:22:46.000 Yeah.
02:22:47.000 I mean, very glamorous, like they're kings and stuff, but pirates.
02:22:51.000 What?
02:22:52.000 I don't know.
02:22:54.000 So do they do, like, a part of a festival or something?
02:22:57.000 I think they must work at Universal or something.
02:22:59.000 Oh, so they're practicing their trade.
02:23:01.000 Maybe.
02:23:03.000 But they also have those sewing things on, like, or those, like, things where you sew on in their windows.
02:23:09.000 Like, when you walk by, they're just, like, look like people are just standing there.
02:23:12.000 Oh, like mannequins?
02:23:13.000 Like those mannequins you make dress ones?
02:23:15.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:23:16.000 That's, wow.
02:23:16.000 Wow.
02:23:17.000 I guess they make a lot of clothes.
02:23:19.000 Yeah, they do.
02:23:19.000 It's the economical way.
02:23:20.000 If you're going to play dress up, make your own shit.
02:23:21.000 It's probably more satisfying.
02:23:23.000 It's probably like when we were talking about eating the food that you kill.
02:23:26.000 Extra satisfying.
02:23:27.000 When you're out there at fucking Comic Con with an outfit that you created yourself.
02:23:32.000 We were in Sacramento this past week, and I did the Punchline.
02:23:35.000 You ever do the Punchline, Sacramento?
02:23:36.000 A long time ago.
02:23:37.000 Oh, what a great fucking club.
02:23:39.000 I love it.
02:23:39.000 Perfect club.
02:23:41.000 Perfect size.
02:23:42.000 Bar in the back.
02:23:43.000 Low ceiling.
02:23:45.000 Tight seated.
02:23:45.000 We had so much fun there.
02:23:47.000 But while we were in town, it was there for the UFC, and there was some sort of an anime convention.
02:23:53.000 Like some sort of a dress-up dork fest.
02:23:56.000 It was hilarious.
02:23:57.000 Lair.
02:23:58.000 What's that?
02:23:59.000 Lair.
02:24:00.000 Lair?
02:24:01.000 What is that, the convention?
02:24:02.000 What's Lair?
02:24:04.000 This shit.
02:24:05.000 What?
02:24:05.000 The...
02:24:06.000 Is that the thing that I was watching in Sacramento?
02:24:09.000 Maybe.
02:24:10.000 How do you know?
02:24:11.000 Are you just making shit up?
02:24:13.000 That's not what they were doing.
02:24:14.000 You're wrong.
02:24:14.000 100%.
02:24:15.000 They were dressing like anime characters, you fuck.
02:24:17.000 That's what Jamie's into.
02:24:19.000 He's like, hey, pay attention to what I'm into.
02:24:21.000 How about this?
02:24:22.000 How about Renaissance Fair?
02:24:23.000 We're not talking about Renaissance Fair, Jamie.
02:24:28.000 Lair.
02:24:29.000 This must be it.
02:24:30.000 Get the fuck out of here.
02:24:30.000 There's a hundred million of those things.
02:24:32.000 I love it, though.
02:24:34.000 It's cool because dorks get an opportunity.
02:24:36.000 They get an opportunity to hang out with other dorks.
02:24:38.000 Get outside, get a little vitamin D. The Renaissance Fair?
02:24:40.000 Any of these things.
02:24:41.000 Well, this is an anime thing.
02:24:42.000 Because people were dressed up like superheroes and some people were dressed up like furries.
02:24:46.000 There was a lot of weirdness going on.
02:24:48.000 That came out of Japan, right?
02:24:49.000 Furries?
02:24:50.000 No, the anime.
02:24:51.000 Yeah.
02:24:52.000 Anime is just pretty much Japan animation in their style.
02:24:58.000 You ever perform in Japan, Dom?
02:25:00.000 Your people?
02:25:01.000 No.
02:25:02.000 He's an Eskimo.
02:25:05.000 It's not funny.
02:25:06.000 It's sad.
02:25:09.000 You knew me when my eyes were open.
02:25:11.000 I knew you back in the day.
02:25:12.000 I got a picture of Joey Diaz that I'm going to put on Instagram later today.
02:25:15.000 I got his head shot that I found in my office that I used to have on the wall.
02:25:18.000 It's from, he was like 210, 220 pounds.
02:25:22.000 It's crazy.
02:25:23.000 Can't believe it's the same guy.
02:25:24.000 What's he weighing in?
02:25:26.000 It depends on how high he is when you ask him.
02:25:29.000 Yeah.
02:25:31.000 Listen, dog.
02:25:32.000 He used to go on stage and he would talk on stage.
02:25:34.000 He goes, listen, dog.
02:25:34.000 I'm 45 years old.
02:25:36.000 I got no time for this bullshit.
02:25:37.000 I'm 50 years old.
02:25:38.000 I got no time.
02:25:38.000 In the same set, he'll give you three or four different ages.
02:25:42.000 Remember when he went through the fat blob?
02:25:43.000 He's like, don't talk about it.
02:25:44.000 It's just my little thing.
02:25:45.000 It's just a little fat ball.
02:25:46.000 Yeah, a thing that he had to get removed from his shoulders.
02:25:50.000 It was like another head.
02:25:51.000 It was weird.
02:25:53.000 I love that guy.
02:25:55.000 I fucking love that guy.
02:25:56.000 I love him to death.
02:25:57.000 He's so much fun.
02:25:58.000 There's no more fun guy to be around.
02:26:00.000 When you bring him to shows, everybody's funnier.
02:26:03.000 The show's funnier.
02:26:05.000 The comics on the show are funnier.
02:26:07.000 You're funnier backstage.
02:26:08.000 Everybody's funnier.
02:26:08.000 I love him, too.
02:26:09.000 He's the best.
02:26:10.000 We co-headlined a couple times.
02:26:12.000 What a blast.
02:26:13.000 So much fun.
02:26:13.000 I told you what he said to me, right?
02:26:15.000 What?
02:26:15.000 I said, Joe, I don't care who goes on first or second, whatever you want.
02:26:18.000 He goes, Dom Herrera, tell you what, why don't you close the first shows and I'll close the second so you don't have to follow a fucking pig like me.
02:26:27.000 And then you can do it at a Laugh Factory if you want.
02:26:29.000 I said, Zoe, you're not only doing me a favor, you're getting me spots at other clubs.
02:26:35.000 He's a great dude.
02:26:36.000 He is.
02:26:37.000 His podcast is doing fantastic, too.
02:26:39.000 And that's one of the things I really love about the internet, that a guy like Joey could be Joey.
02:26:45.000 No one would ever understand him unless you saw him in the uncensored form, like on this podcast.
02:26:51.000 You'd never understand, or his podcast.
02:26:52.000 He kept dosing that kid, his engineer.
02:26:55.000 He still does that.
02:26:55.000 Who?
02:26:56.000 He still does that.
02:26:57.000 You give him mushrooms the others.
02:26:58.000 He gives him stuff.
02:26:59.000 He doesn't tell him.
02:26:59.000 Who?
02:27:00.000 Joey.
02:27:01.000 What kid?
02:27:01.000 The Flying Jew.
02:27:03.000 Who?
02:27:03.000 His little friend that always hangs out.
02:27:05.000 Oh, what is his name?
02:27:06.000 Lee.
02:27:07.000 Lee.
02:27:07.000 Yeah.
02:27:08.000 He doses him?
02:27:08.000 Yeah, he keeps dosing him, like roofing him.
02:27:11.000 Well, he's not fucking him.
02:27:12.000 I don't have a problem with that.
02:27:13.000 If you're around Joey, you know not to eat any of his shit.
02:27:16.000 He dosed Burt Kreischer's dad.
02:27:18.000 I know.
02:27:19.000 You gave Bert Kreisch's dad edible weed.
02:27:21.000 It's crazy.
02:27:22.000 And Bert's like, what are you doing?
02:27:24.000 And his dad is like, oh, I'm just eating some candy that Joey gave.
02:27:28.000 He goes, that's not candy!
02:27:29.000 I mean, it's candy, but it's not just candy!
02:27:33.000 Forget about it.
02:27:33.000 Don't worry about it.
02:27:34.000 Listen, cocksucker, your dad's gotta live!
02:27:37.000 Gotta live!
02:27:38.000 Yeah, he's...
02:27:40.000 Tom Segura has a fucking hilarious story about the same thing that I said about getting high with Joey on the plane, where he's just throwing down these chibichus.
02:27:51.000 Joey, in the middle of a panic attack, like, ate another chibichu.
02:27:57.000 He doesn't give a fuck, man.
02:27:59.000 He goes deep.
02:28:00.000 He's one of the funniest people I know.
02:28:01.000 He's back at the Comedy Store.
02:28:03.000 Yeah.
02:28:03.000 He said that it's been a good challenge that he forgot how that room was, you know, when you're on stage.
02:28:09.000 Well, they don't know you're there.
02:28:10.000 Yeah.
02:28:10.000 They don't know you're coming.
02:28:12.000 They're there for Joey.
02:28:13.000 Yeah.
02:28:13.000 Yeah, it's a different kind of a groove.
02:28:15.000 You know, you've got to develop material that, like, you set it up differently.
02:28:19.000 You've got to introduce it differently because they're not expecting you to be like this raucous, crazy, you know, giant Cuban guy who's done a ton of coke in his life.
02:28:28.000 You know what I mean?
02:28:29.000 They don't know what he's doing.
02:28:32.000 They just see a guy on stage and then they have to slowly but surely be introduced to his ideas.
02:28:36.000 What's going on there where they're trying to stop people from smoking weed?
02:28:40.000 We're at the comedy store?
02:28:41.000 Is that true?
02:28:42.000 There's a rumor that that might be true.
02:28:45.000 How can you stop people from smoking weed?
02:28:47.000 But not the management.
02:28:48.000 Where are you going to stop them?
02:28:50.000 They could just go hide in the back.
02:28:51.000 That sounds like the dumbest idea ever.
02:28:53.000 That's like telling football players to stop doing steroids.
02:28:55.000 Yeah.
02:28:56.000 That's so stupid.
02:28:59.000 Ridiculous.
02:29:00.000 The comedy star?
02:29:01.000 What are you going to do?
02:29:01.000 Stop him from drinking, too?
02:29:02.000 Well, it's just one person that wants to do it.
02:29:05.000 I mean, that's ridiculous.
02:29:06.000 Does he have power?
02:29:07.000 That one person?
02:29:08.000 No.
02:29:08.000 I doubt it.
02:29:09.000 Who is it?
02:29:10.000 I have no idea.
02:29:11.000 His name rhymes with Pauly Shore.
02:29:16.000 That's what I heard.
02:29:18.000 I don't know.
02:29:19.000 I don't go there anymore.
02:29:20.000 I'm just talking out of my ass.
02:29:21.000 You're not going to go now?
02:29:22.000 I don't care.
02:29:23.000 I don't think so.
02:29:24.000 I can't.
02:29:25.000 I talked to Scotty.
02:29:26.000 Scotty Shore is my buddy.
02:29:27.000 I talked to him when I was down in San Diego.
02:29:29.000 I was like, just too much of a bad feeling about that place.
02:29:32.000 I love when you come in for breaking balls.
02:29:34.000 I love doing your show.
02:29:36.000 Your show, The Laugh Factory.
02:29:36.000 See, The Laugh Factory doesn't have any negative feeling to me.
02:29:40.000 Especially now.
02:29:41.000 Now, it seems like there's a whole new crew there.
02:29:44.000 It's kind of a different sort of a vibe there.
02:29:46.000 But if you go to the Comedy Store, especially everyone that you've met through Desk, like Justin Martindale, Tony, Jeremiah, they're just everywhere now.
02:29:54.000 And it's all positive.
02:29:56.000 It's like a huge family.
02:29:56.000 And when somebody from the outside comes in, it's like a whole family looking at that person.
02:30:01.000 Yeah, but that person that comes in doesn't want you smoking weed, and I'm going to smoke weed if I go to the Comedy Store.
02:30:05.000 Well, we all do it.
02:30:06.000 What if you get banned from smoking weed?
02:30:09.000 I have a license.
02:30:10.000 No, you can't just say I have a license.
02:30:13.000 I can smoke at your house.
02:30:14.000 Well, you can.
02:30:15.000 Well, upstairs, when it's private, just the axe.
02:30:18.000 Really?
02:30:19.000 He lets you smoke inside, upstairs?
02:30:21.000 Oh, he doesn't.
02:30:21.000 I just like blowing it down on all those people.
02:30:23.000 Get the show better.
02:30:25.000 There's glass now in between.
02:30:28.000 Yeah, that's a great thing.
02:30:30.000 The way he's got it set up up there.
02:30:32.000 That's a sweet thing.
02:30:33.000 Other than when they're in between shows like Friday and Saturday with the two shows, it's basically a club for the acts.
02:30:40.000 Well, I don't mind going there.
02:30:42.000 I like the Laugh Factory when I do it with you.
02:30:45.000 It's got a good vibe.
02:30:46.000 Oh, I love it.
02:30:47.000 Especially with you.
02:30:48.000 Thanks.
02:30:50.000 I always have fun with the interview.
02:30:52.000 Yeah, if you've ever seen Breaking Balls with Don Marrera, he does a show, he fucks around with the audience, does material, then brings up a comic, and then fucks around with the comic in between, and then brings up the next comic.
02:31:04.000 Really?
02:31:05.000 Yeah, it's fun.
02:31:06.000 It's fun.
02:31:06.000 It's fun.
02:31:07.000 Because, you know, Don, you're at your best.
02:31:10.000 Well, I wouldn't say you're at your best.
02:31:12.000 You're always, I mean, you're always funny on stage, but I love the particular type of funny when you're just fucking around.
02:31:18.000 That's what I like.
02:31:19.000 Yeah, like when we did the Kill Tony show at the Ice House.
02:31:22.000 Yeah, we were crying.
02:31:22.000 Oh, it was so fun.
02:31:24.000 It was so fun.
02:31:25.000 That was really, really, really fun.
02:31:27.000 And for those comics, to get a guy like you fucking with them and talking about their material.
02:31:32.000 I mean, a lot of those guys, it was the first time they ever went on stage.
02:31:35.000 That's amazing.
02:31:36.000 Imagine that, the first time you ever go on stage and you get a guy who's been doing comedy forever, has been on HBO, a legend in comedy, and he's critiquing your act.
02:31:45.000 He's busting your balls.
02:31:46.000 That's as good as you could ever hope for.
02:31:48.000 I mean, that's a beautiful moment.
02:31:49.000 The idea of Kill Tony is a great idea.
02:31:51.000 That should be a Comedy Central show.
02:31:53.000 You should totally sell that shit to Comedy Central.
02:31:54.000 It is a great idea.
02:31:55.000 It's a great idea.
02:31:56.000 Comics do a minute, you know?
02:31:59.000 And it's especially fun when we did it at the Ice House, because the Ice House has such a good feeling to it.
02:32:05.000 Well, that room is perfect.
02:32:07.000 Yeah.
02:32:07.000 The belly room's good.
02:32:09.000 Just like the belly room.
02:32:10.000 About the same size amount of seats, right?
02:32:12.000 Belly room's like 100 seats, 90 seats.
02:32:14.000 So is that room.
02:32:15.000 The Ice House has an annex.
02:32:16.000 They have a big room, which is not a big room anyway.
02:32:19.000 The big room is only like 190, 180, 190, something like that.
02:32:23.000 And then they have the smaller room, which is only about 80 or 90. And it's fucking amazing.
02:32:29.000 I like the main room.
02:32:30.000 I think that's my favorite room, because that's barely ever used.
02:32:33.000 And it used to be such a famous room.
02:32:36.000 When I started there, they used to sell three Saturday night shows out.
02:32:41.000 But the main room, late at night, when there's only like ten people in the room, is fucking sad.
02:32:47.000 No, no, unless it's like Brody Stevens or something like that.
02:32:50.000 Sometimes.
02:32:50.000 I prefer those, where it's just him...
02:32:53.000 I was in the main room once, back in the Joey Diaz days, when Joey Diaz had Jeff, you know, Jeff the piano man?
02:33:02.000 He had Jeff play Ozzy Osbourne and he got on stage and took his shirt off and he's singing War Pigs.
02:33:12.000 Joey Diaz is singing it on stage and it was fucking one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life because he's completely committed to it.
02:33:21.000 He had no shirt on and the audience is Maybe there was four audience members, and the rest of the audience was all comics.
02:33:29.000 We were all just hanging out, and Joey Diaz is on stage, and they're fucking with the lights.
02:33:33.000 No, it wasn't Jeff.
02:33:35.000 It was the other guy who did the main room.
02:33:38.000 Mike?
02:33:38.000 Fuck.
02:33:39.000 Is that his name?
02:33:39.000 Mike, the guy with the glasses?
02:33:41.000 Yeah.
02:33:41.000 Yes, great dude, who was in a band.
02:33:43.000 No, he didn't have glasses.
02:33:44.000 He was in a band.
02:33:45.000 You remember that guy?
02:33:46.000 He's like, what's up, dude?
02:33:47.000 Hey, dude.
02:33:48.000 Yeah, he's still there.
02:33:49.000 What's his name?
02:33:51.000 Shit.
02:33:52.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?
02:33:54.000 I think I got the wrong guy.
02:33:55.000 I was talking about Mike who was the manager who played piano.
02:33:57.000 No, no, no, no.
02:33:58.000 I know what you're talking about.
02:33:59.000 The guy who handled the sound and the shit.
02:34:01.000 No, it's not Jeff.
02:34:02.000 Danny?
02:34:03.000 Danny.
02:34:04.000 Danny.
02:34:04.000 Danny.
02:34:05.000 So Danny's playing War Pigs, you know?
02:34:09.000 And Joey Diaz is on stage screaming the lyrics to it, along with the sound that's coming over the loudspeaker, which is actually, you know, Ozzy.
02:34:18.000 And they're doing, like, the different colored lights, like Joey's on stage.
02:34:21.000 And I just sat back, and we were all barbecued.
02:34:24.000 We were all completely baked out of our mind.
02:34:26.000 I sat back and laughed and we were all just clapping.
02:34:29.000 It was such a pure performance.
02:34:31.000 That's great.
02:34:32.000 Because he wasn't trying to impress anybody.
02:34:34.000 There was no one there to see him.
02:34:35.000 There was no audience.
02:34:37.000 It was just us having fun.
02:34:39.000 And like I said, maybe four people in the crowd.
02:34:42.000 Maybe.
02:34:43.000 Yeah.
02:34:44.000 That's some shit that only takes place at the Comedy Store.
02:34:47.000 That's why I love it.
02:34:48.000 It feels like you're just hanging out with your friends, getting wasted, and having fun, and it's just playing around and doing silly shit.
02:34:57.000 And you would think, because it's the Comedy Store, that it would be packed all the time.
02:35:02.000 It's got this name.
02:35:03.000 Because you can't get a better location.
02:35:04.000 No, you can't.
02:35:05.000 It's got this name.
02:35:07.000 When I was an open-miker, we had heard about the Comedy Store.
02:35:11.000 It was like, Mecca.
02:35:13.000 I had always wanted to be at the Comedy Store.
02:35:16.000 To me, becoming a paid regular at the Comedy Store was more important than getting my first television show.
02:35:23.000 That's interesting.
02:35:24.000 Because that was the spot.
02:35:26.000 That was where Kinison came from.
02:35:28.000 That was where Pryor came from.
02:35:30.000 They all started at the Comedy Store.
02:35:32.000 So when I was there, and I would show up, the first time I was there, it wasn't even half full.
02:35:38.000 I was there in the OR, and some terrible act was on stage, some fucking singing nothing.
02:35:45.000 It was dog shit.
02:35:49.000 And I remember going, this is the comedy store?
02:35:50.000 What the fuck is going on?
02:35:52.000 I would expect it to be like when you see Live in the Sunset Strip, a liner on the block, the who's who of Hollywood's there, the greatest comics in the world are all going up.
02:36:02.000 Nope.
02:36:03.000 It was like that when I first went out.
02:36:05.000 What year was that?
02:36:06.000 85. It was like that?
02:36:08.000 What was it like?
02:36:08.000 That was the Kinnison days, right?
02:36:09.000 Yeah.
02:36:10.000 Yeah.
02:36:11.000 Well, I first went there and I used to go on right before Sam at the end.
02:36:16.000 Wow.
02:36:18.000 We became friends.
02:36:19.000 A lot of laughs.
02:36:21.000 A lot of fucking laughs.
02:36:22.000 Did you ever do blow with him?
02:36:23.000 What's that?
02:36:24.000 Did you ever do blow with him?
02:36:25.000 No.
02:36:25.000 I thought you said, did you ever blow?
02:36:28.000 Did he ever offer it to you?
02:36:30.000 No, he knew me.
02:36:31.000 You know, he knew I wasn't.
02:36:32.000 See, the thing about Sam and I, we could be friends, but I'm not a follower.
02:36:36.000 Right.
02:36:36.000 And I don't want to be a leader either, but I'd just rather just hang.
02:36:40.000 And, you know, I would never be part of his entourage.
02:36:43.000 Yeah, he had a whole cult of following, right?
02:36:45.000 Yeah, the outlaws.
02:36:46.000 Yeah.
02:36:47.000 But we had a lot of fun together.
02:36:49.000 We had a lot of laughs.
02:36:50.000 I was always glad when he was there.
02:36:53.000 I passed the first time I auditioned there, and then she forgot me.
02:36:58.000 So then I had to audition again.
02:37:02.000 Wow.
02:37:04.000 But, yeah, it was a fun day.
02:37:05.000 It was amazing, you know, because I remember when Roseanne couldn't get on in the main room.
02:37:10.000 She couldn't get on?
02:37:11.000 She couldn't get a spot in the main room.
02:37:13.000 What year was this, in 85 she couldn't?
02:37:15.000 I thought she was already huge in 85. No, she was probably later than 85. Yeah, I always heard that right when she moved here, she got a show the same day.
02:37:22.000 Yeah, I mean, she was giant.
02:37:24.000 No, she didn't get it.
02:37:25.000 Look, I remember working in Vegas with her.
02:37:28.000 And she couldn't get on.
02:37:30.000 All she wanted was a spot in the first show, Main Room.
02:37:33.000 Wow.
02:37:34.000 That was the money spot, because that's when we'd all make four or five hundred dollars, which was a lot then, you know.
02:37:38.000 Right, right, right.
02:37:39.000 Being in town.
02:37:42.000 I started out at the comedy store in Hawaii.
02:37:45.000 I had a very circuitous route.
02:37:48.000 Comedy store in Hawaii?
02:37:49.000 I did the Hawaii one with Barry Sobel and Carrie Snow.
02:37:53.000 Then I went to La Jolla, did well there, went to Vegas, and that went well.
02:38:00.000 So I didn't really start doing the comedy store until I had done the tour.
02:38:04.000 Wow.
02:38:04.000 Isn't that weird?
02:38:05.000 They had a Westwood one too, right?
02:38:07.000 Yeah, but that was a little before my time.
02:38:08.000 Westwood.
02:38:09.000 It was on Westwood Avenue.
02:38:10.000 And the Westwood one was where Kinnison really started out.
02:38:13.000 That's where it really developed, apparently.
02:38:15.000 I took a friend of mine who's a priest.
02:38:17.000 It was the reason I went in to see the room, and Sam was on.
02:38:21.000 And my friend's hair was back.
02:38:23.000 He's standing up.
02:38:24.000 I said, it's not always like this.
02:38:26.000 Yeah.
02:38:28.000 Especially back then.
02:38:29.000 Nobody knew who Sam was.
02:38:30.000 Nobody saw that coming.
02:38:32.000 Oh, it was fucking incredible.
02:38:33.000 Incredible energy.
02:38:35.000 Yeah, the comedy store had a whole series of clubs, and now they're down to two.
02:38:40.000 How many were there?
02:38:41.000 And they were all the same people who owned them?
02:38:43.000 Well, there was...
02:38:44.000 It's all Mitzi, yeah.
02:38:45.000 Yeah.
02:38:46.000 Well, not the same people.
02:38:47.000 The same one person.
02:38:48.000 Right.
02:38:48.000 Yeah.
02:38:49.000 Mitzi used to make a lot of money in Vegas, man.
02:38:51.000 Yeah.
02:38:51.000 Yeah.
02:38:52.000 Why don't they have, well, obviously now it's a mess, but I would think the Comedy Store in Vegas would be a no-brainer.
02:38:59.000 Yeah, what happened to the original one?
02:39:01.000 They should have...
02:39:02.000 They raised it because Bellagio bought it out.
02:39:07.000 That's where the Bellagio is now.
02:39:09.000 Hmm.
02:39:10.000 I would think that that would be a no-brainer for a franchise.
02:39:14.000 I mean, improvs are all over the country.
02:39:16.000 It's amazing that the comedy store never franchised like that.
02:39:18.000 Yeah, the improv really knew how to franchise it.
02:39:20.000 And Jamie's doing it, too.
02:39:22.000 Yeah.
02:39:22.000 With Chicago.
02:39:23.000 And Vegas, right?
02:39:25.000 You were just in the Laugh Factory event.
02:39:26.000 I would take you to Chicago with me.
02:39:27.000 I'm going there in October.
02:39:28.000 Buddy, I give you $2 to do a full weekend, but you'll be at Laugh Factory.
02:39:35.000 It's a lot of money for Laugh Factory.
02:39:37.000 They really offer you shit money?
02:39:41.000 Allegedly, we're on the air.
02:39:42.000 Allegedly, we're on the air.
02:39:44.000 Allegedly, he got a bad deal.
02:39:45.000 Allegedly.
02:39:46.000 Oh, no.
02:39:46.000 No, they fixed it.
02:39:47.000 I have no tact.
02:39:49.000 Nope.
02:39:51.000 That's what makes you funny.
02:39:52.000 If you had tact, it would get in the way of a lot of good jokes.
02:39:55.000 Thank you, Joseph.
02:39:56.000 You would, right?
02:39:57.000 Yeah.
02:39:57.000 Tact would fucking...
02:39:59.000 How much should he offer you?
02:40:00.000 Hey, easy, Dominic!
02:40:02.000 What?
02:40:02.000 What did we do over here?
02:40:03.000 We just got done smoothing out your mess!
02:40:06.000 Now you got a new mess!
02:40:09.000 I didn't know herpes could move to the butt.
02:40:11.000 You were talking about earlier.
02:40:13.000 I think that...
02:40:14.000 Shut the fuck up.
02:40:15.000 I think that Mitzi had an issue with the idea of franchising because they had to be comedy store comics.
02:40:21.000 And if you'd franchise at a certain point in time, you'd thin it down.
02:40:25.000 Yeah, you're going to need more.
02:40:25.000 Well, you need 365 days a year.
02:40:27.000 You know, she would have a seven-night-a-week show.
02:40:29.000 At 365 days a year of good comics and you're flying them out to Louisville, Kentucky, good luck.
02:40:34.000 It's impossible.
02:40:34.000 No one's going to do a week.
02:40:36.000 No.
02:40:36.000 I mean, there's Vegas clubs, like, they used to do that at the Riv, right?
02:40:39.000 You would do Monday through Sunday.
02:40:40.000 You'd do the whole week.
02:40:41.000 Yeah.
02:40:43.000 Yeah.
02:40:43.000 You'd have to stay for seven days.
02:40:46.000 Like, I would get calls from buddies.
02:40:48.000 Yeah, they didn't make me do that.
02:40:49.000 I did Thursday through Sunday.
02:40:50.000 I just did Friday and Saturday.
02:40:51.000 I did the late night shows because I couldn't do the regular show at the Riv.
02:40:55.000 I could only do the extreme show.
02:40:57.000 I remember that.
02:40:57.000 You had that, yeah.
02:40:58.000 Extreme.
02:40:58.000 The morning.
02:40:59.000 Yeah, the extreme.
02:41:00.000 You and Slayton.
02:41:02.000 Yeah.
02:41:02.000 Yeah.
02:41:03.000 I couldn't do it.
02:41:04.000 I can't do Vegas for more than a couple of days.
02:41:06.000 I love Vegas for a couple of days.
02:41:08.000 It was killing me.
02:41:09.000 How many days did you do this past one?
02:41:12.000 Four.
02:41:13.000 But I went in early and I came back late.
02:41:16.000 So Wednesday through Monday or something like that?
02:41:18.000 Yeah.
02:41:18.000 Because I didn't want to fly in the heat.
02:41:21.000 I can't fucking take that 110 degrees.
02:41:26.000 I'm a very delicate artist.
02:41:28.000 What's your favorite place to work in Vegas?
02:41:32.000 Oh, God.
02:41:33.000 See, that's a bad question.
02:41:35.000 It's a bad question?
02:41:36.000 Why?
02:41:37.000 Because you just work for Jamie?
02:41:38.000 You don't want to tell the truth?
02:41:40.000 Well, you know, it was fun.
02:41:42.000 I'll tell you what was fun.
02:41:43.000 It was a fucking great job.
02:41:45.000 I opened for Cher for years in the early 90s.
02:41:48.000 We did the Mirage.
02:41:49.000 The Mirage is great.
02:41:50.000 They used to call me Easy Money because I would be at the sports book, and this is when I could still fucking jump.
02:41:55.000 I'd hop over the fucking rail...
02:41:57.000 Just a minute to eight, because everything starts on time there.
02:42:00.000 Boom, I fucking slide across the stage, do 25 minutes, and I go in the back and the crew would be fucking with me.
02:42:07.000 They'd have a chair and a towel and water.
02:42:09.000 You okay, easy money?
02:42:11.000 I'm all right, guys.
02:42:12.000 I almost did 26 tonight.
02:42:13.000 I went crazy.
02:42:16.000 That was a fun game.
02:42:17.000 Did you say hop over the sportsbook?
02:42:19.000 Were you betting?
02:42:19.000 Yeah.
02:42:20.000 So you'd gamble up until the moment you're supposed to go on stage and then you'd run in?
02:42:23.000 Well, I wasn't a big gambler, but yeah, I'd bet on games and stuff.
02:42:26.000 I like to watch it.
02:42:27.000 I like it to stretch out.
02:42:28.000 I don't want to put everything on black and then leave a fucking loser.
02:42:31.000 Well, especially if you're a sports fan, it makes the game more exciting, right?
02:42:36.000 Oh, yeah.
02:42:36.000 Well, it makes everything.
02:42:37.000 I mean, that's what I love about betting football.
02:42:39.000 Like with pro football starting tomorrow night, I fucking love it.
02:42:43.000 I love the over-under experience.
02:42:45.000 You know what the over-under is?
02:42:46.000 Mm-hmm.
02:42:46.000 Yeah.
02:42:47.000 I love that because, especially if you're rooting for the over, because you're rooting for everybody.
02:42:51.000 It's all positive.
02:42:53.000 Like, the under's all negative.
02:42:54.000 Don't drop that pass!
02:42:55.000 Drop that pass!
02:42:56.000 Get that motherfucker!
02:42:57.000 You know, it's like...
02:42:58.000 But the over is fine.
02:43:00.000 Yeah, positive betting is better than negative betting.
02:43:02.000 There's a cheer sometimes in Vegas if you watch a boxing match.
02:43:06.000 They'll have an over-under on how many rounds.
02:43:08.000 A lot of people bet that.
02:43:09.000 And then it'll hit the fifth round and everybody goes, yeah!
02:43:12.000 Like there's an aurora in the crowd.
02:43:14.000 Yeah, and I think it was Larry Merchant that actually brought it up once during a broadcast.
02:43:19.000 The reason why these people are cheering is because they gambled on it.
02:43:24.000 Yeah, there's a lot of proposition bets like that.
02:43:27.000 Like, you could bet a bunch of fights, parlay, put them all together.
02:43:31.000 If you get them all right, you get some insane amount of money.
02:43:35.000 Aubrey is a big gambler.
02:43:36.000 He always gambles in Vegas.
02:43:38.000 He's never hit that shit yet.
02:43:39.000 He's gotten close, though.
02:43:40.000 It's always one shit judge's decision.
02:43:43.000 Fucks you up.
02:43:44.000 I can't get into it.
02:43:46.000 Gambling on fights?
02:43:46.000 Gambling on anything.
02:43:48.000 Why not?
02:43:48.000 Even slot machines and all that stuff, it's just for fun.
02:43:50.000 It's not really like I'm addicted to it or cards, nothing betting.
02:43:54.000 It's probably good.
02:43:55.000 Yeah.
02:43:55.000 It's probably good that you don't do that.
02:43:56.000 Yeah, I just don't like it.
02:43:57.000 Oh shit, it just hit me.
02:43:58.000 I realized my favorite club to work in Vegas, Brad Garrett's Club, because I'm working there in October.
02:44:05.000 I can't believe it just hit me.
02:44:07.000 Used to be my favorite club was the Tropicana, but now it's Brad Garrett.
02:44:11.000 I just had a memory loss there for a second.
02:44:14.000 For real?
02:44:14.000 A real memory loss?
02:44:15.000 You always talk about Brad Garrett.
02:44:17.000 I was waiting for you to bring it up.
02:44:18.000 I was wondering why.
02:44:19.000 I thought you were out of reverence to Jamie.
02:44:21.000 Well, it gets awkward.
02:44:22.000 Buddy, my club is better.
02:44:25.000 Buddy, my club is better.
02:44:27.000 You gotta see his club with these fucking chicks.
02:44:29.000 They're so hot.
02:44:29.000 Which one?
02:44:30.000 Brad Garrett's?
02:44:30.000 Oh my god.
02:44:31.000 Why don't you book a weekend when I'm there for a UFC? I would love to.
02:44:35.000 Brad Garrett's at MGM, right?
02:44:36.000 How often?
02:44:37.000 Yeah, downstairs, the MGM. It looks nice.
02:44:40.000 I've passed by it.
02:44:40.000 I've never performed there.
02:44:41.000 We did that once, remember?
02:44:43.000 We had a couple times I was there for your fights.
02:44:46.000 Yes, but I never got to see you at Brad Garrett's, though.
02:44:50.000 There's a bunch of UFCs coming up.
02:44:52.000 Alright, we'll look at the dates.
02:44:53.000 How often do you go to Vegas?
02:44:55.000 How often do you do it?
02:44:55.000 Three or four times a year.
02:44:57.000 What about January?
02:44:57.000 You got anything booked in January?
02:44:59.000 Not yet.
02:44:59.000 The weekend of January 2nd.
02:45:00.000 That's the weekend the UFC is going to be in Vegas.
02:45:02.000 Really?
02:45:02.000 Great fights, too.
02:45:03.000 Oh, I think I could do that.
02:45:05.000 Let's do it, Dom!
02:45:06.000 Let's do it.
02:45:07.000 You can come during the day.
02:45:08.000 You can see the fights start at 4. Oh, boy.
02:45:10.000 So you could watch the fights from, like, what's the first show at 8?
02:45:13.000 There's only one show.
02:45:14.000 What time is it?
02:45:15.000 I don't know.
02:45:16.000 If you could get them to do it at 10. That's the shit.
02:45:20.000 Dumb.
02:45:22.000 Get him to do it at 10, you can see all the fisticuffs, then get over there with ample time.
02:45:26.000 And then eat mushrooms at 11. What is it?
02:45:28.000 It's at the MGM? Sometimes.
02:45:31.000 Sometimes at Mandalay Bay, sometimes MGM. Those are the only two places.
02:45:34.000 I was at the Palm one time.
02:45:36.000 Yeah, they used to do it at the Palm.
02:45:37.000 They don't do it at the Palm anymore.
02:45:39.000 Dana White, he gambles too much.
02:45:41.000 He broke them.
02:45:42.000 Really?
02:45:42.000 He fucking smashed the Palm.
02:45:44.000 Yeah.
02:45:44.000 Did he really?
02:45:45.000 Yeah, he smashed them.
02:45:46.000 They banned them.
02:45:46.000 When they banned them, he pulled the UFC out and he started doing the smaller events at the Hard Rock.
02:45:51.000 Wait, he was winning?
02:45:51.000 Oh, yeah.
02:45:52.000 Wow.
02:45:53.000 He wins big money.
02:45:55.000 He loses big money, but he gambles big money.
02:45:57.000 He gets crazy.
02:45:58.000 Like a million dollars a night.
02:46:00.000 Wow.
02:46:00.000 Oh, my God.
02:46:01.000 Yeah.
02:46:01.000 I don't get it.
02:46:03.000 I don't know how you could do that and keep a pulse and not fucking sweat all your blood out.
02:46:08.000 It just seems like I would...
02:46:11.000 If I lost a million dollars in a night, I would totally quit.
02:46:14.000 But he's won like five or six million a night.
02:46:16.000 Because it's not really gambling.
02:46:17.000 You know what gambling is?
02:46:19.000 If you have a guy who's equal to you in pool and you play pool, that's gambling.
02:46:23.000 Right.
02:46:24.000 But these fucking casinos wouldn't have crystal chandeliers if people were really gambling.
02:46:28.000 The odds are set against them.
02:46:30.000 They definitely are set against you, but if you're good at certain games, like blackjack...
02:46:35.000 Yeah, there's more of a level field.
02:46:37.000 I mean, certain things are fucking ridiculous.
02:46:39.000 Slot machines.
02:46:40.000 That's ridiculous.
02:46:42.000 Plus, they're rigged.
02:46:43.000 It's not even like it's a machine.
02:46:45.000 They set them.
02:46:46.000 They can set them to be easier or harder.
02:46:48.000 They can decide whether or not you're going to win or lose.
02:46:51.000 They can set it so one person wins a month.
02:46:54.000 I like video poker.
02:46:56.000 Do you?
02:46:56.000 Yeah, because you sit there, you get the drinks.
02:47:00.000 You don't annoy anybody.
02:47:02.000 Like, blackjack, it's always like, get your hands off the table, sir.
02:47:06.000 Not only that, if you bet crazy, people get pissed at you.
02:47:08.000 I've heard people say that.
02:47:10.000 Like, if you're playing blackjack at a bad table and someone doesn't know what they're doing, they fuck up the hand.
02:47:14.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:47:14.000 How could they fuck up?
02:47:16.000 I mean, I see what they're saying, but that's a weird way of looking at it.
02:47:19.000 That they fuck up your hand?
02:47:20.000 Like, what kind of a whack-ass game are you playing where someone else making shitty decisions affects you?
02:47:25.000 They affect the card count?
02:47:27.000 Yeah.
02:47:28.000 They make the, you know, whatever.
02:47:30.000 The craps, too.
02:47:30.000 I don't even understand that fucking game.
02:47:32.000 That game's ridiculous.
02:47:33.000 You gotta know too much.
02:47:35.000 Yeah, Richard Jenney used to have a bit about craps.
02:47:37.000 It's a fucking funny bit, too.
02:47:39.000 Really?
02:47:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:47:40.000 About how he doesn't like certain games because he likes games where nobody knows what the fuck is going on.
02:47:49.000 This whole thing about craps.
02:47:51.000 It's a funny bit, man.
02:47:52.000 He did that bit on The Sin Night Show, I think.
02:47:55.000 I never saw that.
02:47:56.000 I used to love his ref bit.
02:47:57.000 Let's see if we can find it.
02:47:58.000 See if you can find Richard Jenny on craps and we'll end with this out of respect for our late friend Mr. Jenny.
02:48:06.000 He's a guy we've talked about a hundred times on the podcast that he doesn't get enough respect.
02:48:13.000 Fucking great stand-up.
02:48:14.000 Oh yeah, man.
02:48:15.000 When he was the best.
02:48:17.000 When he like in the late 80s ish somewhere around there like 88 89 He was one of the best one of the best in the country just did but didn't get that sort of like the same respect like I think rich is brilliant.
02:48:29.000 I don't think he had the charisma That's max.
02:48:32.000 They're not as good as him or but get bigger than him because mm-hmm, you know is this it Brian?
02:48:38.000 Yeah No, no.
02:48:40.000 Richard Jenny, craps.
02:48:41.000 On craps.
02:48:42.000 No, but on craps.
02:48:44.000 That's what I searched for.
02:48:45.000 But this might be it.
02:48:47.000 Because this came up as the second.
02:48:49.000 Okay, let's give it a shot.
02:48:51.000 Please welcome Richard Jenny!
02:48:57.000 Worst dresser, huh?
02:48:58.000 Oh, he dressed like a guy who was on a boat.
02:49:02.000 Yeah.
02:49:06.000 I'm always in a good mood around the holidays.
02:49:08.000 I had a great Thanksgiving, boy.
02:49:10.000 I was so thankful.
02:49:11.000 Are you thankful on Thanksgiving?
02:49:12.000 Yeah, look at that turkey.
02:49:15.000 And I'm thinking, hey, life is tough and you have problems, but nobody ever cuts a hole in your ass and fills you with mushrooms.
02:49:21.000 You know what I'm saying?
02:49:22.000 Wow.
02:49:23.000 I didn't get away with that.
02:49:26.000 Jay Leno was edgy.
02:49:36.000 I guess the thing that annoys people is, you know, you kind of want the president to be a hero.
02:49:44.000 And it turns out, you know, Clinton is just like every other stupid guy.
02:49:47.000 He can't turn down oral sex.
02:49:49.000 He can't.
02:49:50.000 He can't.
02:49:51.000 No guy can.
02:49:52.000 Because it combines the two activities, no guy ever gets tired of.
02:49:55.000 One, sex.
02:49:56.000 Two, not moving at all.
02:49:59.000 The big two.
02:50:00.000 They can't believe it's happening at the same time.
02:50:03.000 They're sitting there with a remote in a sandwich going, this is the big two.
02:50:07.000 I'm having sex.
02:50:09.000 I'm not moving.
02:50:10.000 I'm with a girl who can't talk.
02:50:11.000 What's better than this?
02:50:12.000 Yeah!
02:50:16.000 I don't know if this is the craps bit.
02:50:19.000 Hopefully it is because we're going to run out of time here.
02:50:22.000 If Clinton does get impeached, though, you know who I think should be president?
02:50:25.000 Hear me out here.
02:50:26.000 Jack Kevorkian.
02:50:28.000 You know why?
02:50:28.000 He doesn't lie.
02:50:29.000 This guy has nerve.
02:50:31.000 He sends a tape of himself for 60 minutes, ending a guy's life so he can get arrested on purpose.
02:50:36.000 And if he's convicted, he's going to starve himself in jail as a protest.
02:50:39.000 Now that is courage.
02:50:40.000 That's commitment.
02:50:41.000 That's a guy standing up and saying, hey, I don't want to live if it means I can't kill other people.
02:50:47.000 That's nerve.
02:50:50.000 That guy's got nerve.
02:50:52.000 I mean, think about it.
02:50:53.000 You know, Phil Clinton commits adultery.
02:50:56.000 Lies and squirms and won't admit it to a single person.
02:50:59.000 Jack Kevorkian commits first-degree murder and broadcast it on national television.
02:51:05.000 He's not the type of guy that would say, I didn't inhale, I didn't do it.
02:51:08.000 Not him.
02:51:09.000 He'd be on the White House lawn having sex with an intern and doing bong hits out of the death machine.
02:51:16.000 See how much time is left in this if it's got that crap spit in there.
02:51:23.000 They give it a little bump.
02:51:25.000 I know how he's going to make the segway.
02:51:28.000 A little more.
02:51:34.000 No.
02:51:38.000 Nope.
02:51:40.000 Anyway, isn't that weird, that sort of Tonight Show type comedy where you have like seven minutes, five minutes, you sort of rush into every bit?
02:51:48.000 I hate writing those sets.
02:51:50.000 Last time I did it was Jimmy Fallon, and I had fun because I like Jimmy and the band, but it's like, they're so fucking contrived.
02:51:58.000 When he was doing his show or the Tonight Show?
02:52:00.000 Yeah, his show.
02:52:01.000 Yeah, it's hard.
02:52:03.000 It's not real comedy.
02:52:04.000 It's like the difference between a preview to a movie and the actual movie itself.
02:52:11.000 Yeah.
02:52:12.000 That's a good way of putting it.
02:52:13.000 I mean, there's no soul to it.
02:52:15.000 Yeah.
02:52:15.000 You can't.
02:52:16.000 You can't get deep.
02:52:17.000 Everybody knows it's only going to last five minutes.
02:52:19.000 Yeah.
02:52:19.000 You have a few minutes and you just wrap it up.
02:52:22.000 That's over.
02:52:22.000 I've seen a couple guys.
02:52:23.000 I mean, Seinfeld was perfect for that.
02:52:25.000 Well, Richard Jennings was really good at it, too.
02:52:27.000 Yeah.
02:52:27.000 Real good joke writer at it.
02:52:29.000 But he was...
02:52:29.000 Richard was...
02:52:30.000 He flushed out bits so well.
02:52:32.000 That it took away from that part of him, you know what I mean?
02:52:35.000 Yeah, that was his number one thing that he was really good at.
02:52:39.000 And I learned that from him, actually.
02:52:41.000 I've talked about it before, about how to really get the most out of a bit.
02:52:46.000 Everything out of a subject.
02:52:47.000 Yeah, what is it?
02:52:48.000 Card table dating?
02:52:50.000 Card table, no, I don't think that's it.
02:52:52.000 On craps, playing craps.
02:52:54.000 Maybe playing craps.
02:52:56.000 It was an old bit.
02:52:58.000 So all those looked like they were too recent for it to be him.
02:53:05.000 No worries.
02:53:06.000 It's over, folks.
02:53:07.000 Fucking podcast's over.
02:53:08.000 Don Marrera, I love you to death.
02:53:09.000 Love you too, Joe.
02:53:10.000 Thanks for having me on, buddy.
02:53:11.000 Thanks.
02:53:12.000 Anytime, my friend.
02:53:13.000 And we'll do your show, Breaking Balls, at the Laugh Factory soon.
02:53:16.000 And I'll put it up on...
02:53:18.000 You gotta come and do my podcast again, too.
02:53:20.000 Hallelujah!
02:53:20.000 I love it!
02:53:21.000 Can you keep Jamie Masada out of the room again?
02:53:23.000 I can keep him out of the room for you.
02:53:24.000 We did it one more time.
02:53:25.000 One more time, keep him out of the room.
02:53:26.000 Buddy, I love you, Joe.
02:53:28.000 Why are you so mean to me, Joe?
02:53:31.000 I love Jamie, too.
02:53:32.000 He's a good guy.
02:53:34.000 And he promises to pay Brian more money than he...
02:53:37.000 How much did he offer you?
02:53:38.000 No, it's great!
02:53:39.000 What?
02:53:40.000 It's fine.
02:53:40.000 He's...
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02:54:40.000 Alright, we love the fuck out of you and we will be back tomorrow.
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02:54:56.000 We'll be back tomorrow with the young and dangerous Tony Hinchcliffe.
02:55:00.000 Until then, be cool with each other and spread love and give kisses.
02:55:05.000 There's one for you.
02:55:06.000 See you soon.
02:55:06.000 Bye.