Joe Rogan and Sarah Tiana are joined by comedian Joe Scarborough to talk about fantasy football. They talk about the history of the sport, how it started, and what it s like to be a fantasy football champion. They also talk about how to keep your belt if you don t win the title and what to do with it if you do and much more! Draftkings is giving away a piece of $5 million this week, and you could get your piece of that prize this week! You ve already got a way to take your football knowledge to the next level, and now you re getting a chance to turn that knowledge into instant cash! Enjoy the episode, and spread the word to your friends about what s going on in the world of fantasy football! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The theme song is Come Alone by Suneaters, courtesy of Lotuspool Records, and the album art for this episode was done by Corey Feldman and the rest of our sponsors is out on SoundCloud. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review and tell us what you think about it in the comments section below! We re listening to this episode on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe to our new podcast Podchaser. Subscribe on iTunes and leave us your thoughts on the podchaser and we'll get a shoutout on the next episode of the podcast, coming soon! Timestamps: 1: 5:00: 0:00 - What's the best fantasy football player in fantasy football? 6:30 - What do you think of Fantasy Football? 7: What's your favorite fantasy football team? 8:15 - What are you would you like to see in a fantasy league? 9:00 11:40 - Who are you most likely to win the next fantasy football pick? 13:00 | What's more ridiculous? 16:30 17:10 - Who do you have a belt? 18:40 19:20 - Who's the most ridiculous fantasy football jersey? 21: What would you want to win it? 22: How do you like a belt you're going to keep it in your house? 25:00 + 22:00 Is there a belt that s a belt or a belt in your trophy?
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00:04:45.000Yeah, one dude seriously turned $11 into $4,000 in one weekend, and another player won a million dollars in one day playing fantasy football.
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00:05:58.000Alright, and we're also brought to you last but not least by Onnit.com.
00:06:02.000That is O-N-N-I-T. We are a human optimization website, and what we strive to do is find the best products online.
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00:06:44.000Don't get crazy and decide you're going to be The Rock because you've been going to The Rock's Instagram and seen his workouts and go, I'm going to fucking be like The Rock, bro!
00:06:53.000I just started working out again a month ago and take my approach, people.
00:07:05.000I use one scoop of chocolate Hemp Force, one banana, some frozen pineapple from the freezer, one scoop of peanut butter, pack in extra protein, a little bit of almond milk, goodbye.
00:07:18.000I got Tony to eat some meat this past weekend, and I don't mean my dick.
00:07:23.000I mean, I got him to eat, he ate a piece of beef.
00:10:40.000But yeah, dude, we've been everywhere, man.
00:10:43.000Those gigs up in Canada were fucking badass.
00:10:45.000We went from one place, which is in the middle of nowhere, which was a hockey rink, to that theater in Vancouver that was just fucking incredible.
00:12:57.000You know, I feel like that's unfortunate.
00:13:01.000But the whole paradigm of television, like having to watch things at the same time, like having an 8 o'clock show, you know, Mork and Mindy's competing with, you know, blah, blah, blah, that's on at another time.
00:13:12.000Whenever you have that, you're going to have these sort of competitive-type issues.
00:13:33.000Well, when Joan was competing with Johnny, I'm pretty sure there was just three or four channels at the time when those two were competing.
00:13:43.000So it's definitely a whole new age, you know what I mean?
00:14:10.000When you really think about it, the numbers that they must have had during the Happy Days, like when Happy Days was a hit, they must have had like 30, 40, 50 million people watching, right?
00:14:23.000It must be much more than they have today because the options today are so huge.
00:16:49.000Because it seems like there's just too many options.
00:16:54.000Imagine if you had ABC before the internet, and you watched this thing come along, and then you watched all these cable companies come along.
00:17:00.000If you owned ABC in 1980, and you're just chilling on a fucking yacht out there in the middle of the Pacific, Smoking cigars.
00:22:46.000I think if NBC and all these guys want to really survive, they're going to have to have an NBC cable or an app where NBC can make programming that's more adult like they do on cable.
00:22:56.000Or that NBC is just going to become an app when that does happen, and cable and network is not going to mean the same thing.
00:23:02.000See, I think you're saying that, but I think the people that listen to some of that dopey-ass country music, those people don't have an issue with it.
00:23:11.000There's certain people that will tell you, Big Bang is my favorite show.
00:25:24.000I'm just saying that the cable channels are getting great ratings, but higher.
00:25:28.000Occasionally, for shows like Breaking Bad, they do much better than they used to do.
00:25:33.000But they're still, they pale in comparison to the major network shows.
00:25:37.000For whatever reason, those really dumb shows still get the best ratings.
00:25:41.000Like, yeah, like, Game of Thrones is a different example because it's a subscription channel, and it's got far less people tune into it.
00:25:49.000Like, it used to be if you got an HBO special, that was the shit.
00:25:52.000Oh my god, you know, we saw the Sam Kinison HBO special, the Chris Rock HBO special.
00:25:58.000But now a Comedy Central special is way better than an HBO special, because a Comedy Central special is going to be seen by way more people, millions more people, and then on top of that, they're going to replay the shit out of it, because that's all they play, is comedy.
00:26:51.000And even that thing about the network app, I think the people that really, really, really are into that type of stuff, it's going to be ten more years before they even know what an app is.
00:27:02.000Apple TV, I think, and those kind of network TVs, I think, are going to really change everything like the iPhone.
00:27:08.000If they make it so that they can't get directly to one of those three channels, If they show them other ways, then yeah, but these people that watch network TV will probably just always watch network TV. They're used to a laugh track.
00:27:26.000I remember a part of Man on the Moon where it's Andy Kaufman, played by Jim Carrey, talking to his manager George Shapiro, played by Danny DeVito.
00:27:34.000And Danny DeVito is his manager, and he goes, I got you the best gig, Andy.
00:28:42.000You're watching this guy who's now committed suicide, he's dead, this brilliant writer, who's seeing the shift from the 60s to the 70s, and he's saying that America's just going downhill.
00:28:55.000We've become this fascist, ridiculous state, and our cultures are eroding, and that...
00:29:02.000You know within you know 10 20 years it's gonna be over for us and now here we are 2014 you know 30 plus years later and Everybody's still kind of saying the same shit.
00:29:13.000You know everybody's still kind of saying you know, hey, it's all it's all falling apart Hey, our culture is disastrous.
00:29:19.000It's it's doom and gloom always I think that what's going on is that there's always going to be a certain amount What is this?
00:29:32.000I think there's always going to be a certain amount of people that think that the world is ending, the sky is falling, and there's going to be a certain amount of bullshit that goes on always.
00:29:43.000There's always going to be people trying to correct for all the evils of the world, whether it's war or crime or this or that.
00:29:50.000There's always going to be that, and then there's always going to be an adjustment period where you have...
00:29:56.000A bunch of police brutality cases and then someone figures out a way to stop the police from behaving that way and then, you know, things get better.
00:30:04.000It's gonna be like horrible war and then people protest the horrible war and then it gets better.
00:30:10.000It seems like these ideas that it's all going to fall apart and society's going to collapse.
00:30:16.000I think all that shit happened, the society collapsing, back when people didn't understand that society could collapse.
00:30:21.000Now we have so much detailed history on what it takes for a society to become like Rome when Rome fell, what it takes for a society to become one of these archetypal societies that people talk about when the ancient Greeks or the Romans or any of these When we talk about a society that was on top of everything,
00:30:42.000had all of these scholars and all these intelligent people, and then collapsed.
00:30:48.000It's going to be interesting to see what the next big one like that is, because it's going to have technology and robots and a whole bunch of crazy stuff.
00:30:56.000Like, way down the road, but there's going to be some crazy stuff.
00:31:01.000I think the technology, robots, all that shit, where things are going to be so much weirder than they are today, it's going to happen so fast.
00:31:08.000If you listen to Ray Kurzweil and these futurist guys, their take on it is always so enlightening because everybody wants to think of it as...
00:31:17.000Like, you know, when we were kids, we had VCRs, and now we have Netflix.
00:32:06.000A lot of cameras have something like that already built in with the smile detection, like where you point a camera and it will take a picture when it detects that you're smiling.
00:32:15.000Oh, okay, but that's not reading like mood.
00:32:18.000It's just detecting a certain movement of your face.
00:32:21.000This fucking stupid thing is actually trying to, like, look at someone's face and decide.
00:32:26.000You know that gross thing that really cheesy dudes do to chicks?
00:37:00.000The big leap of having cameras in your pocket at all times.
00:37:06.000And if you went back before the invention of the camera, if you went way, way back to like, you know, back in the days when there was just paintings and drawings and things along those lines, they could have never imagined that you'd be able to make video from a little tiny slender device that you stick in your pocket.
00:37:24.000They would have thought you were the devil if you showed them that.
00:37:27.000And now this phone that you can take video with and go online with and take photographs, now it's become a part of you.
00:38:31.000You're going to be able to share your day.
00:38:33.000What I'm wondering is if it'll ever get to the point where we're paying for our privacy.
00:38:37.000Once everything's all wired in, once your Google Glasses are in a cloud with what you looked up on the internet that day, and you're walking by somebody with Google Glasses, and you know what I mean, they walk by and it's like, We're good to go.
00:39:38.000There's cell phone towers that they've located that don't seem to be transmitting cell phone data, and they've gone to them with these devices that try to read, and what they think is going on is these cell phone towers are actually tapping into phone calls and recording your information.
00:39:54.000Like, say if the police want to find out where Tony Hinchcliffe is right now.
00:39:59.000And, you know, you could use the GPS on the phone and, you know, find out that he's on the 405 and he's headed to San Diego and, you know, and then they go, okay, we're going to tap into his phone.
00:40:11.000So they can tune in through that tower and listen to your phone calls.
00:40:15.000You're like, I got the fucking heroin.
00:40:17.000The dude's all duct taped in the trunk.
00:40:19.000I've got 15 different handguns that are all illegal.
00:41:49.000I don't know anything about it, but I would think that the electricity would maybe fuck with it.
00:41:55.000All that power going through those lines.
00:42:00.000If they don't let us turn on, if they make us turn off our cell phones when the plane's about to take off, I don't think they could put a cell phone tower on an electrical.
00:42:07.000Yeah, but that's a stupid thing, that whole turn off your electronic devices.
00:42:11.000That's all been disproven now, so that's why everybody's allowed to use iPods and shit and iPads right up until the time you land.
00:42:19.000But you're still not allowed to use Bluetooth.
00:42:22.000Like, if you have those Bluetooth headsets, like there was a dude in front of me on the airplane the other day, he had the Bluetooth headset, and they told him he couldn't have it on.
00:42:30.000He couldn't have it on while the plane, because it could interfere with communications.
00:42:36.000They probably just don't know any better, and they just say it, because they just want to tell you to shut something off, and they can't do that anymore.
00:42:42.000I think it's also for planning things.
00:42:44.000So you can't have like a Bluetooth headpiece and you're sitting in the front row and I'm in the back row and we're all kind of communicating like, hey, you know, like terrorist stuff also.
00:43:21.000I think you need some sort of a transmission device.
00:43:24.000I think, like, if you had a Bluetooth headset on and I had a Bluetooth headset on, we couldn't just connect our headsets and communicate with each other.
00:43:30.000We would have to do it through a device, right?
00:43:33.000I don't know how that Bluetooth stuff works.
00:44:38.000But someone else on the other end had to have a communication device.
00:44:41.000They had a walkie-talkie, and they were talking through that, and it would go directly to me.
00:44:45.000And I couldn't talk to them, except for the fact that I was hardwired with a microphone that also had a radio frequency that went to a box.
00:44:52.000In the box, there was a sound guy that was there, and it would go through them and through their...
00:47:36.000With our proprietary two-way walkie-talkie functionality, you can also connect the Onyx to any other CallPod Bluetooth headset and communicate up to 84,000 square feet while you're still connected to your mobile phone.
00:47:50.000Oh, you have to be connected to your mobile phone.
00:47:58.000Yeah, I'm not sure what this is saying, though.
00:48:01.000You can connect to any other CallPod Bluetooth headset and communicate up to 84,000 square feet while you are still connected to your mobile phone.
00:48:10.000It's just saying that you could still use it and do the walkie-talkie at the same time.
00:48:15.000Like, if you're still connected to your phone, you could still use it as the walkie-talkie.
00:48:18.000Right, like you don't have to disconnect.
00:48:59.000They wanted to be like a fucking walkie-talkie guy.
00:49:02.000When we were in high school, we didn't have cell phones or phones, so we all had CB radios in our car, and we all had the humongous antennas on the top of your car.
00:49:11.000You had a CB? Oh, yeah, but it was cool because we all lived within a couple miles of each other, so we can just use it as a cell phone before there were cell phones and just be driving around in our car being like, where are you at?
00:49:22.000You want to go smoke some weed at the church?
00:50:23.000Yeah, I mean, look, voyeurism and being able to rubberneck crimes and stuff.
00:50:28.000One of the things they're saying is they're going to try to, in L.A., they're going to try to raise up the walls in between the two lanes, the north and the southbound lanes, because people rubberneck so much and it causes so much traffic.
00:50:40.000Yeah, it's really frustrating when you get somewhere and you realize that the only reason why everyone drove slow is because some shit went on the other side of the fucking highway.
00:52:32.000But so many of those people that do drive those things are super safety conscious because that's one of the things that all their commercials were geared to.
00:53:04.000When you get to, like, the high-end cars, I mean, there's a difference as far as, like, one of them handles more comfortably, but modern cars are so goddamn good.
00:54:01.000Every way you want, plowing into shit, barely able to stop.
00:54:05.000The cars today are just infinitely better.
00:54:08.000So if you took a Volvo today, which you consider like a super safe car, very boring, and took it around a racetrack with like a 1970 Challenger, it would bury that car.
00:54:17.000It would just fucking run circles around it and braking, handling, everything.
00:54:22.000You'd be like, whoa, Volvo's the greatest fucking hot rod ever.
00:54:25.000No, it's just old cars sucked a fat one.
00:54:28.000Old cars, they're just clunky-ass, shitty technology.
00:54:35.000700. That means that the equivalent of that back in the day would be a carriage being pulled by 700 horses and just one guy in this carriage in the back.
00:54:47.000Because if you did have a carriage pulled by 700 horses and right next to it you had a Challenger, the Challenger would fucking blow by that.
01:00:17.000Okay, in many northwestern European countries, the stone was formerly used for trade with a value ranging from about 5 to 40 local pounds.
01:00:28.000With the advent of metrication from the mid-19th century on, it was superseded by the kilogram.
01:00:34.000It remained in limited use for trade in the United Kingdom and in Ireland until prohibited by the Weights and Measures Act of 1985. Okay, yeah, it's 14 pounds.
01:00:46.000But they still use it for weighing in fighters.
01:00:49.000When fighters weigh in, Does Bruce Buffer say that?
01:01:56.000You should start guessing the fighter's horsepower and announcing that.
01:02:00.000Weighing in at six stone and 140 horsepower.
01:02:04.000You know what's interesting is that that's kind of silly, but it's true, in fact, that the guys with the more horsepower, they run out of gas quicker because it's very relative.
01:02:24.000Like if you have a car and it's a GT car, like if you're going around like the Nurburgring or something like that, like a real windy course with a lot of handling, you don't necessarily want like a thousand horsepower engine in your car.
01:02:38.000You want as much engine as your suspension can handle.
01:02:41.000And when it comes to, like, miles per hour and miles per gallon, you want, like, a balance between the two.
01:02:48.000You want an engine that produces plenty of horsepower, but not so much horsepower that it burns up all your fuel in 30 minutes and you lose the race because everybody keeps going and you're done.
01:03:52.000I just, you know, it's unfortunate but true that the larger guys, like a lot of the larger guys, like the skill levels just not, does not compare.
01:04:00.000And it's not because, like, they're not capable of moving right, because, like, look at the way, like, a guy like...
01:04:43.000Well, the way that it finished was what blew my mind.
01:04:47.000I mean, just watching a man take heavyweight shots to the ribs, and especially the same spot, I was noticing when the guy's hand would pick up, and he'd wind up, he would hit.
01:04:57.000In that exact same little square diameter that his fist was before.
01:05:01.000And of all the stuff I've seen live, I don't think I've seen anything like that.
01:05:06.000Well, it's just because the guy did a shit job of defending.
01:05:08.000But Anthony Hamilton's a good fighter.
01:07:50.000If it was, if the word on the streets was, man, writing for the WWE is the coolest, you can do anything, I would have taken it, and I would have lived in New York, and it would have been amazing.
01:11:51.000And I look over, there's people reading self-help books, some folks are reading novels, Tony H. is getting a fucking book with the sex and politics.
01:12:02.000Sex, Lies, and Headlocks, the true unauthorized bio of Vince McMahon.
01:12:08.000Reading awesomeness about a guy who took a joke of a show and turned it into a billion dollar enterprise and wrote it all himself and is the main creator.
01:12:19.000You should write a book on pro wrestling, dude.
01:12:21.000You should write a book, A Love Affair, Pro Wrestling.
01:12:36.000Why don't they just call it The Opie and Jimmy Show, but whatever.
01:12:39.000They had this guy on and he's an author.
01:12:43.000He wrote that card movie with Kevin Spacey.
01:12:47.000He's written a bunch of different books.
01:12:52.000His name is Ben Mazurich and he was talking about Russian oligarchs and about what happened, what went down in Russia during the fall of the Soviet Union where Seven to nine people soaked up 50% of the economy of Russia.
01:13:16.000Seven or nine, somewhere in that number, no more than ten people, literally had 50% of the Russian economy, and they were just killing each other.
01:13:25.000They would kill each other and take over their businesses.
01:13:28.000If you had a competitor, if you were Coke, you would send your army over to kill Pepsi, and then you would just own Pepsi, too.
01:14:15.000We're pretty bad, but apparently it's nothing like Russia.
01:14:20.000These Russian oligarchs, they just dominated.
01:14:25.000They just figured out a way to completely dominate the entire economy of a giant country.
01:14:31.000I mean, listening to him talk about it was fascinating.
01:14:34.000The show is different now that Anthony's not there, but Jimmy Norton is so fucking interesting and hysterical, and, you know, and Opie's doing a great job of the two.
01:15:18.000You know, there's a guy that, a professional wrestler named Rusev that actually puts Putin on the Megatron, on the Titantron, every time he comes out and really gets the crowd riled up.
01:16:00.000I'll bet you though, I bet you if I showed you a statistic of UFC fans being WWE fans, I bet you'd be shocked because before the UFC was all over everything, one of the only outlets that, and by the way, I've been with the UFC since the beginning.
01:17:16.000One of them is people that are battling for their life in the most difficult contest in all of sports.
01:17:22.000Another one is some weird fucking jerk-off thing that strange guys do when they sit in front of the TV and pretend they don't know it's fake.
01:18:33.000Now, when you come up with a move for a guy to win with, do you take into consideration at all the health of the person trying to attempt that move?
01:18:49.000Anybody who knew about Brock Lesnar who was researching him, very likely, if you were going through internet videos and stuff like that, you'd run into that video of him flipping off the top rope and landing on his head.
01:19:02.000All 300 pounds of him landed on his head.
01:21:03.000If Brock Lesnar did it the right way, like if Brock Lesnar left the WWE and dedicated himself to becoming the best fighter in the world, I mean like...
01:21:37.000If someone did that with him and then built him up slowly.
01:21:39.000You start out in the RFA. Start out in these smaller organizations.
01:21:43.000And then eventually you work your way up to a larger organization and eventually fight in the UFC when you have, you know, 15, 20 fights instead of your second fucking pro fight being against a former world champion.
01:21:55.000His second pro fight in the UFC was against Frank fucking Mir.
01:22:31.000It's like, Dennis Rodman was there, and everyone was talking shit about the UFC. They were trying to get...
01:22:41.000Like, some sort of publicity by, like, talking shit about the UFC. So they hired Dennis Rodman.
01:22:45.000This was, like, right when Dennis Rodman was coming off of those reality shows where he was all fucked up on drugs and, you know, he had metal all over his face.
01:22:53.000And he's like, UFC ain't shit compared to K-1!
01:23:33.000And I mean, if that bacteria infection in his stomach that really almost killed him, I mean, it really almost killed him, didn't happen, I think it could have gone a few different ways.
01:23:44.000But I think either way he would have gone back to the WWF because he can make so much money there doing such less work and such less training, and I think he's sort of into that.
01:24:41.000Yeah, in 2007 he fought this guy, Choi Hung, he was supposed to fight Choi Hung Man, but that guy got injured and they replaced him with a guy named Min Soo Kim and he crushed him in one minute and nine seconds of the first round.
01:24:53.000And then his second fight was against Frank Mir.
01:26:43.000But when Brock hits those German suplexes, even though they're paying him a lot of money, he's nowhere near the technical wrestler like the guys that had been built in the machine.
01:26:53.000So when he hits a German suplex and he throws a man over his head, he's not...
01:26:58.000The guys can land on their neck and head and stuff, and The Undertaker was in bad shape.
01:27:02.000So Brock's sort of one of the guys that's sort of a liability.
01:27:05.000Like, he can take a guy out even though you don't want him to.
01:27:08.000How many of those dudes have, like, neck surgery?
01:27:12.000Mick Foley, who I opened up for a couple weeks ago, known as Mankind, Dude Love, Cactus Jack, the multiple personalities wrestler, literally, is having back surgery right now.
01:28:04.000When your blood leaks into your ear, it hardens and becomes like calcium.
01:28:09.000And so, when people look at people with fucked up ears from grappling, those things are hard.
01:28:14.000And sometimes when they get hit, it literally breaks the skin and it tears off.
01:28:19.000Chunks of people's ears have fallen off during fights.
01:28:22.000And, like, landed on the ground inside the octagon.
01:28:24.000I wrestled for four years in high school, and my senior year, I remember, I didn't get cauliflower ear, but some stuff broke up up there, and the top of my right ear was black for, like, a month.
01:29:11.000and then take the top of your ear and then fold it down and listen to how different shit sounds and then let it go like take that and just cover it up and then let it go well when it's covered up that's how Randy Couture hears all the time like that's what his hearing is like and his ear hole is this tiny little thing like Waleed Ishmael who's this famous jiu-jitsu fighter They call him Valigi.
01:29:35.000His ears, it's like he has two hard, like a mouse-sized thing stuffed into each ear.
01:29:43.000It's like they open his ear up, stuff this hard mouse thing.
01:30:15.000They probably have no idea what they're listening to.
01:30:18.000I love that part of everything, especially the UFC, because it is so crazy, like the quiet before the storm, and some people pick the worst songs.
01:32:44.000You don't think if you're fighting in the UFC and you come out first, you add your song, let's say your song's like a 7 on a 1 to 10, and then lights go out and Phil Collins in the air tonight does come in.
01:32:57.000You're not a little bit like Fuck, I wish I would have picked this.
01:39:25.000That's him in his entrance outfit when he takes off the wig and robe and he psychs his opponents out.
01:39:31.000He flirts with them in the ring and shit, like blows them kisses, and they get all riled up and then he can beat them with shit because they're like all...
01:43:01.000That's kind of a fucked up thing to do.
01:43:03.000It's kind of a fucked up thing to put razor blades in the end of a chicken's foot, stick them in a cage with another chicken, they fuck each other up.
01:43:08.000Yeah, they should just do fake chicken fighting.
01:43:10.000So you have a gay chicken come out in the blonde wig.
01:43:14.000Alright guys, I lost you on that pitch.
01:45:23.000That's what John Lithgow's shitty fucking rear-naked choke did for me.
01:45:27.000The only reason I think you would maybe like it in the future is that you like UFC so much and MMA and Jiu Jitsu so much and Tony gets it together with a bunch of people and watches it.
01:45:39.000A lot of them watch it as a joke, where Tony, I think, takes it a little bit too serious.
01:46:45.000Imagine if that guy who filled in for Burrell on Saturday and he took on Dillashaw, imagine if in the miracle he was able to somehow land a punch on Dillashaw and beat him.
01:46:57.000The place would have been, I mean, well, it's sort of weird because that's Sacramento and that's Dillashaw's hometown, but I'm just saying, like, in a neutral field, that would have been stunning and everybody would have known that they just witnessed history.
01:55:18.000But then, Vince bought Mike Tyson and made him ref a match at WrestleMania with Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels, and then it dominated, and the rest is history.
01:56:18.000Because it's amazing that, you know, I just like David Letterman a lot more than Jay Leno, and to think that, you know, using some scum buckets, scummy life as a launching pad, that Jay can pass up a guy like Letterman and...
01:56:35.000By scumbucket, scummy life, you mean awesome dude who takes crazy chances that are entertaining like Hugh Grant.
01:57:54.000It was like all the comedy got dropped, and then the dude was in the audience, and he realized it was only about 30 or 40 feet between him and Charlie Murphy.
01:58:50.000For me, as a comic, like as a young comic, I can't imagine how guys, like we talked about this yesterday with Dom, how guys just stop.
01:58:59.000Like with Steve Martin, they just stop.
01:59:01.000But to be a guy like Eddie Murphy and stop, if you ever go back and watch Eddie Murphy Delirious...
01:59:08.000It's hard because it's difficult for those things to hold up today like they did back then.
01:59:13.000But when I was a kid in like whatever year it was, maybe it was like 86 or something like that where Eddie Murphy Delirious came on, he was a destroyer of worlds.
01:59:24.000We were over at my friend Jimmy Lawless' house and watching it with Jimmy and John Bataraco and John's sister and I think A bunch of people there.
01:59:32.000We were crying laughing at Eddie Murphy Delirious.
02:00:14.000Because when I was 18 or something like that, 19, Delirious came out, and he's got to be like 24 or 25 back then, so he's got to be in his 50s.
02:01:16.000If people saw what Oprah looked like in real life, she'd be dealing with the next WWF superstar.
02:01:26.000Isn't it amazing that Oprah is one of the few people that's gotten by, like few people that's a woman, without ever selling herself as a sexual object?
02:01:38.000You got like your Barbara Walters characters, you got like your news people, and you got Oprah.
02:01:45.000Well, she's never had a choice, right?
02:03:01.000I might be a little more easily swayed.
02:03:03.000Do you think you would be like a girl would be if she went over a guy's house and he picked her up in a Lamborghini and drove her to his castle?
02:03:08.000I'm pretty sure Oprah's a billionaire with a B, man.
02:03:11.000There's something a little bit hot about that.
02:05:17.000It's like you have some weird memory of psychedelic trips, but when you have a psychedelic trip that's connected to music, and then you hear the music again, it recalls some of the psychedelic trip.
02:07:42.000And it was like a planned thing all over the news.
02:07:44.000Like, meteor shower tonight, if you just so happen to look at the right time, and we're out in the middle of the desert, we're...
02:07:50.000You see a shooting star on a non-meteor shower night once every few minutes.
02:07:55.000And this was just a shower of meteors with a supermoon, because that's what he scheduled Shroomfest around.
02:08:02.000So supermoon, meteor shower, lightning storm miles away, and one patch of the desert, just lightning, crazy beautiful bolts.
02:08:12.000And clouds, supermoon, and then when the sun came up, you know, it's that weird desert thing where it's still dark on one side and there's a moon, and then the sun coming up on the other, and a nice warm shower rain started.
02:08:39.000There's something beautiful about getting together with a bunch of people and having that kind of an experience together.
02:08:44.000Just wish you could do it without actually having to take something.
02:08:48.000It's funny, but McKenna had an interesting take on that.
02:08:51.000He's like, you know, people that want to do it naturally, you know, people want to do it through yoga or meditation, he's like, I, he goes, I don't ever want to be able to access these places accidentally.
02:10:02.000There's been a couple periods in my life where I worked hard at it, and just like any muscle, you get better at it.
02:10:07.000And yeah, if you get good at it, and you're into it, and you're in the right setting, 20, 30 minutes in of going over and over again, You're gone into that type of state, but your brain immediately goes, whoa, you're in that state, come back, and you're back.
02:10:22.000You're like, whoa, I was just somewhere for two seconds.
02:10:25.000I think you can get there, but you can't really stay there like you can with some help.
02:10:31.000Right, but is that because you're not a practice guru or a practice traveler in those mental worlds?
02:10:39.000Isn't it possible that there could be a way?
02:10:42.000The thing that gives me hope is Kundalini.
02:11:19.000Because I've been in there in the isolation tank before.
02:11:22.000There was one time I was in the isolation tank.
02:11:25.000Where I had this crazy hallucination that I was in some weird tribe, and these people in this tribe were talking in a language that was completely foreign, but I could understand it.
02:11:37.000And I was even thinking in their language, and then I realized it.
02:11:40.000I was like, oh my god, I'm thinking in their language, then boop!
02:11:42.000Woke right up and it was over, but I'll never forget that because that moment I was like it seems so fun like that I could possibly venture into some completely alien civilization Alien to me where I didn't know anything about how they were talking I didn't know anything but I could understand it and it was almost like this window of To what communication really is.
02:12:08.000That communication, although languages vary and although cultures vary, there's a thing that's going on when you're communicating.
02:12:17.000Like when you and I are talking right now, there's a thing that's going on and you can tap into that thing.
02:12:22.000Whatever that thing is, you can tap into that thing and you do it with language.
02:12:50.000Were, they were reflecting in my mind.
02:12:55.000I was giving interpretations on those noises.
02:12:57.000And those noises were like, they were normal for like a normal communication.
02:13:03.000Like, hey, we've got to go down the river and we've got to pick up some water and be careful because there's a snake that someone saw that's near this log.
02:13:18.000Whenever you have something that's really trippy that happens when you're meditating or really trippy that happens when you're dreaming, it's very difficult to stay in that state and not go, oh my god, I'm having a lucid dream.
02:13:34.000One of the interesting things about Shroomfest, when you're doing it with a bunch of comedians and you forget that You know, you're out in the desert with seven guys, and sometimes you're all sort of like spread out on a mountaintop, you know what I mean?
02:13:47.000And sometimes we're together laughing, but sometimes we would like break apart, and then you forget.
02:13:52.000Everything that's happening, and then all of a sudden, something hilarious happens.
02:13:56.000You know, like, at one point, one guy was like, and we're in the middle of the desert, like, phones don't even work out there.
02:14:02.000But out of nowhere, you just hear, because it's so quiet, it's a beautiful, quiet desert, and you just hear one guy go, oh shit, I just got a Tinder match.
02:14:20.000It's so funny, like, guys and their desire to get laid.
02:14:24.000I wonder if girls have the same sort of conversations, like constantly trying to figure out how, like single girls, how they can get some dick.
02:14:31.000It's one of the things that really annoys me sometimes.
02:14:37.000If a buddy's too horny, it annoys the shit out of me.
02:14:40.000The worst is if you have a friend where that supersedes everything.
02:16:01.000And another thing is, I can tell the comedians that do stand-up comedy just to get girls.
02:16:07.000Guys that didn't get laid in high school and college, that figured out later on that, wait a second if I make people laugh and I go on stage...
02:16:15.000The people that do it just for chicks.
02:16:17.000That's annoying to guys who are trying really hard to be an actual stand-up, right?
02:16:40.000Whenever you think about other motivations other than the work itself, the work itself suffers.
02:16:46.000They said they did this thing, they did this study on motivations and the motivation of doing good work versus the motivation of just trying to make money and they found that the least success was achieved when you had a combination of the both because then you'd be really distracted.
02:17:06.000The least results, the worst results were when someone was like, I want to do good work, but I want to make a lot of money.
02:17:13.000So how do I do the work, make it good, but try to make a lot of money?
02:17:28.000I mean, I was always, you know, the first three or four years of me doing stand-up moving out here, I came out here with a carry-on Bag and, like, $40 cash.
02:17:38.000Rolled into a job at a restaurant, you know.
02:17:42.000But I had nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.
02:17:44.000And had I, when I started stand-up, dwelled and thought about the fact that I'm crashing on my brother's couch, and then, you know, then I was renting out a couch in another buddy's living room, you know what I mean?
02:17:56.000Had I thought about how this isn't normal and, you know, this sucks, I never would have been able to write another joke.
02:18:02.000And I had to write everything, everything I've written...
02:18:04.000I mean, everything I wrote back then, I wrote while completely broke and struggling.
02:18:09.000So it's like, you gotta just ignore it.
02:18:12.000Isn't it fascinating, though, that you can only really have that kind of position when you're young?
02:18:20.000But if you found out that a dude was 40, and he was living on his brother's couch trying to make it as a comedian, you're like, oh, you poor piece of shit.
02:19:26.000Good luck beating them in your audition.
02:19:29.000That's one thing that we have that we're so fortunate as a stand-up comic that you create your own stuff, you deliver your own stuff, you design it, you execute it, you produce it.
02:19:40.000All of it is done by Tony Hinchcliffe.
02:19:42.000When you get up there, it's 100% a Tony Hinchcliffe production.
02:19:47.000Whereas, like, if you were even in a band, you'd have to deal with all the other dudes in the band, and, you know, man, when am I going to do my drum solo?
02:20:45.000You think of a movie, people don't realize every single credit that they see at the end of a movie is somebody that could have ruined the movie.
02:20:54.000Almost everybody has, if they don't pull their weight, if the script supervisor sucks, that could ruin a great editor's work, or vice versa.
02:21:04.000An editor can ruin a director, a director can ruin a producer.
02:21:10.000Everybody has to pull their weight, whereas with stand-up, it's a one-man machine.
02:21:15.000Yeah, and it's also, like, you travel light, you don't need a bunch of shit that you have to take with you to the airport, you know, it's just so much, it's still hard to do.
02:21:40.000When you show up at the comedy clubs, and then there's shows, and there's open mic shows, and there's regular shows, there's bringer shows, everybody interacts with each other.
02:21:49.000We interact with guys that are just starting out.
02:21:51.000We interact with guys that have been doing it for years.
02:21:54.000And if you're fucking good, man, if you get those three minutes and you crush those three minutes, people want to put you on your show.
02:22:03.000Couple years later, you know, you're crushing, you're doing 10 minutes, you're crushing, you're doing 15 minutes, you're crushing, you're bombing, you come back better, you crush, you write, you keep doing it, you get undeniable.
02:22:14.000But if you're in a band, you're never undeniable.
02:22:39.000If you're a good comic and you have 300 people there, those 300 people might have widely different tastes when it comes to what kind of music they like, what kind of food they eat, but you can get all 300 of them to laugh.
02:24:58.000Oh yeah, I said Sacramento is a puppy mill for porn stars.
02:25:03.000It's just where they just kick them out.
02:25:06.000These chicks just come out wearing little sweatpants that say juicy on the back, cute little butts, and too little of a shirt, strolling through the airport, all looking like they're taking the next flight to...
02:25:18.000LA just to land directly in the valley.
02:25:21.000There's a certain look when you go to Burbank, if you leave Burbank to Vegas, you can play that game, which one's a stripper?
02:25:30.000You can play that game, which girls are going to the Rhino?
02:25:34.000There's a lot of gals that live in LA and go to Vegas and make a shit ton of money there over the weekend and then fly back to LA. And I'm not hating.
02:27:56.000There's a thing that I tweeted earlier today.
02:28:01.000In one of its kind study, an international team of neuroscientists and robotic engineers have demonstrated the viability of direct...
02:28:09.000Brain-to-brain communication in humans.
02:28:12.000And recently published in some study in PLOS-1.
02:28:21.000The novel findings describe the successful transmission of information via the internet between the intact scalps of two human subjects located 5,000 miles apart.
02:28:34.000They wanted to find out if one could communicate directly between two people by reading out the brain activity from one person and injecting brain activity into the second person.
02:28:55.000So, what they're essentially saying is, through the internet, they're sending information directly from brain to brain.
02:29:03.000So what we were talking about earlier, that's real.
02:29:05.000Like, they literally are going to be able to directly transmit, like, I'm going to be able to look at you and send you a message, and won't even be able to have to say anything, I'll send you a message, and that message is going to go to your brain.
02:29:18.000Like, I'll have an idea, like, check out this motherfucker.
02:30:01.000The internet is essentially what's blowing back against them right now.
02:30:05.000But that's more like a fucking Game of Thrones type scenario than it is someone not being able to control information software or information technology like this.
02:30:16.000This is a completely different sort of a thing.
02:30:19.000I just wonder what we're going to be like a thousand years from now.
02:30:25.000We're going to be completely unrecognizable.
02:30:27.000The concept of what life is is going to be unrecognizable.
02:30:31.000And the idea of privacy is going to be hilarious.
02:30:42.000We're the last people to experience privacy.
02:30:44.000Until something happens, until there's some sort of a crash, like a civilization crash, like asteroidal impact, super volcano, massive earthquake, some power shutdown where things go back to normal, we're going to be the last people that experience privacy,
02:31:30.000You could have full fucking four bars when you drive up that Hyatt parking lot, and then you look at your phone once you step into the fucking hollowed walls.
02:33:38.000I remember being at the Denver airport or somewhere, some airport a few years ago, and I'm at a layover, and I saw one of those, and I went inside, and it was exactly like the waiting room from Beetlejuice, like all these creepy people with something missing or something weird,
02:38:59.000He, um, yeah, it was like, I forget the name of it, but I think it was with a dude from Vision Quest 2. Did you ever see that movie, Vision Quest?
02:39:08.000The original Vision Quest, the wrestling movie?
02:40:02.000And then it got to like, so it became, at first it was like, there was like monsters and stuff, like rock monsters and bad people and it was so like predictable and goofy.
02:40:12.000But then when it got on the boat and when they were dealing with the flood, then it became like this weird, you know, sort of like when Walking Dead got all about people, you know, and everybody got kind of bummed out.
02:40:22.000It's just like interpersonal shit between people.
02:40:25.000That's what it is on this stupid boat with Noah.
02:40:28.000You would think this story would have a better arc, but it just doesn't.
02:40:46.000I'm really excited about some little things coming up, a little few writing projects that I already sort of pitched and waiting for the good word for that.
02:40:56.000Really, I'm most excited about Kill Tony.
02:42:04.000See, that's the part of the format that's a little bit more loose is how long we spend on each person is totally dependent on how we feel with them up there.
02:43:15.000But I think the show organically grew.
02:43:19.000I think it's more satisfying for somebody to come up with something that's genuinely funny and only they can do and try to figure out what that is in a short allotted amount of time.
02:46:58.000Hanging out with her was really interesting because I never really got to hang with Mitzi.
02:47:07.000I know it's two different people and everything, but the amazing maternal...
02:47:12.000energy that I felt from her and love of stand-up comedy made me feel like I sort of got it from being a comedy store guy but in a post-Mitsy era.
02:47:25.000It was amazing to get to hang with a powerful comedy woman like that.
02:49:00.000And I love that, you know, I mean, anybody who would see me talking a bunch of crazy, dark, evil stuff before you and go, hey, you're cool.
02:50:26.000The only people that can help you are other pro comics that work with you, that kind of see things, they go, maybe if you're this or maybe if you're that, and then you take it into consideration.
02:50:34.000Knowing it's coming from someone who actually knows what they're talking about, but someone who's never done stand-up trying to tell you what does or does not make you funny, they can't do it.
02:51:01.000You'd wait for hours to do the open mic, and then you go, Hey, everybody, if you want, if you stick around after the open mic, you can go up to Jamie, and the owner of the Live Factory, Jamie, will give you his advice on your career.
02:53:47.000I said five million dollars, you dirty fuck.
02:53:49.000So go to DraftKings.com, enter in the promo code ROGAN. And thanks also to Onnit.com, that's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements.