In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience, the comedian and actor Bobby Lee stops by the pod den to talk about how he got his start in comedy and what it's like to be rich in the entertainment industry. He also talks about what it was like growing up in the late 80s and early 90s in the streets of Los Angeles and how he ended up doing what he does now, which is working as a stripper in Macau, working with Bill Poon and sleeping with other strippers. He also tells the story of how he almost became a state champion in judo and how it almost cost him his job in the wrestling business. And he talks about the time he almost beat his own brother to be a state champ in Judo. This episode is a must-listen and is definitely worth a listen! Enjoy and spread the word to your friends and family about this episode to let them know it's a good one! . . . and don't forget to leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and other social media platforms! Thank you so much for all the love and support you're all being a part of this amazing community! -Joe Rogan and his crew! XOXO, Joe Rogans Show. xoxo - The Oasis Podcast. -The Oasis Crew -Your Support is greatly appreciated! Thanks for listening and Support is much appreciated and much appreciated! -Your support is so appreciated and appreciated! Thank you for being a Friend of the Oasis! and Thank You for supporting this Podcast! Love ya'll! -JOE Rogan Podcast! -PODCAST: - Thank You! - Thank you, JOE Rogans Podcast -JOSH - JOE ROGAN AND THE OZA SHOW - JOSEPH AND JOSH MILLER - JOSH MCCARTO - JORDAN PODCAST - JOB RYAN AND JODY MAYOR - JAMES CHANEYE - JODY WEBBER - JAY SONGS - JAWNSYTER - JACO AND JAY KELLY MOSHAWYER, JAYO, JOSIE PONDSETTER, JAMES AND KEVIN MAYO BOWLEY - JAMIE JAYE AND KAYE BONDSHAVAN - JORGE MOSCHE CHEESE
00:00:33.000Yeah, so people always like, whenever I do anything to preface it with, well, if I was rich, or if I had your fuck you money, or if, you know, and I go, this shit, most of everything I do costs little or nothing.
00:00:46.000Like, the Hong Dynasty is, okay, so Instagram comes out, and what, Vine is like 7 seconds, right?
00:00:52.000I don't have Vine, but Vine is 7 seconds, Instagram is 15 seconds.
00:02:05.000He's got sort of an Al Bondi thing where he's 40 and he talks about how he could have been state champ if he just did this one-arm bar or something.
00:02:12.000And he used to work at this place, Fat Sal's in Hollywood, part-time as a sandwich guy.
00:02:18.000And I hired him to be on my show full-time.
00:07:26.000There's dudes that are doing it that I know that are trying to make it in the UFC or have made it into the UFC that that's their fucking whole life, man.
00:07:58.000Yeah, I just crossed over and he's like, dude, with lots of complete nutritional diet change and lots of exercise, he's like, you can go back to not having diabetes, but...
00:09:26.000Because there's always, in the back of their mind, they're like, Dave's not going to fire me.
00:09:29.000He's my cousin or he's my best friend.
00:09:32.000And then I was just sitting there going...
00:09:34.000How come I do have all this money and I hired all these guys and I'm overpaying the shit out of them and like I'm still at the office by myself, you know?
00:10:55.000You know, I go to a lot of restaurants.
00:10:57.000You know, I love, I have a piece of me that's like, just having no money and going to a restaurant, a nice restaurant for the first time, and just like having that snooty, you know, looking at sushi menu and going like, what's MP? Like,
00:11:12.000I didn't know because I've never been there.
00:12:48.000Well, I don't know about the arsenic, but they said, I just, because my hair started falling out, and I couldn't, you know, I'm like, I'm still relatively young, but I just- So the mercury was making your hair fall?
00:12:59.000Well, it said for mercury poisoning, it's like memory loss.
00:13:02.000And like, it's like, I'm like, I have the same memory as my like 70 year old father who's like, well, you know, I'm like, people will do that.
00:14:08.000You have permission to come into my house, physically drag me out of my bed, punch me in my chest, and get me to work out because I'm not going to want to.
00:15:06.000Just when he shakes me, it's so violent that I'm like, I feel like those Steven Seagal movies, like, dude, one jerk and my neck's gonna snap.
00:15:15.000And he did it, and I couldn't turn my head this way for like two weeks, and I was like, can you protect me and not hurt me?
00:16:21.000So the thing I'm doing now, which I already can see, it's horrible, and everyone says it doesn't work, but now I'm sort of stuck in this weird thing.
00:16:43.000You can't go for three months eating salads and then be like, hey, I got my weight down, I got my cholesterol down, I got my diabetes down, and then going back to it.
00:17:39.000And I'm like, and I'm just chewing everything, getting all the flavor out of it.
00:17:43.000And then I'm spitting it, which the mouth, as soon as it starts chewing and making saliva, the stomach starts making acid to prepare for the food to come down.
00:17:51.000But if the food never comes down, there's just like acid in your stomach, you know?
00:17:56.000And also, when you eat, all the sugar already goes into your, like, before it hits your stomach, you know?
00:18:04.000So I'm eating all this food at nice restaurants and chewing it and spitting it in the napkins and then putting it on the plate and then the dude comes, is there something wrong with the meal?
00:20:19.000They take your blood out, and they spin it in a centrifuge and apply heat to it, and so your blood thinks like it has a fever.
00:20:27.000And it creates this anti-inflammatory response, and it creates this yellow serum, and then they extract the yellow serum out of your blood, and then they inject it directly into areas where you have inflammation.
00:20:37.000It's really good for injuries, but it's also, like, when you do it, like I did it today, your energy, you just feel great!
00:20:45.000Yeah, Dana White told me about it, because he has an inner ear infection, an issue rather, called Meniere's disease.
00:20:51.000And it's from, he got beat up one time when he was young by a bunch of guys, and he gets this tinnitus ringing in his ear, and it fucks with his balance and shit.
00:21:33.000Do you have any injuries you could use as an excuse to get this?
00:21:36.000I'm just saying, like, the way technology is going now, like, you're covered in tattoos, but, like, you know in five years they're going to have some ray that just gets rid of all your tattoos.
00:21:49.000But it'll get, and they'll make it so it's not, you know, they're gonna have everything soon, you know?
00:21:53.000So I'm like, do I need to, like, really switch my eating habits?
00:21:56.000Or are they gonna make, like, a, you know, some Oculus Rift fake hamburger where I'm like, oh, yeah, it's delicious, and, you know, I don't know.
00:25:23.000My problem with the internet is I always think it's like the Wild West when it's actually not, so almost everything I put up on YouTube or Vimeo gets flagged.
00:25:32.000I just put up a new episode of my show, DVD-ASA, and it got flagged.
00:26:22.000I'm not even gonna maintain my own website.
00:26:24.000You had a thing where you got offline, you took down your podcast, and you put up this fucking disclaimer, and I had to text you about it immediately once I read it, because I was alone, it was like 2 o'clock in the morning, I'm in my house, and I'm howling laughing, because you're talking about racism,
00:26:41.000but you said something that's totally true.
00:26:43.000You're like, everyone's afraid of the yellow man.
00:26:46.000Like, black men get to fuck, but how come Jackie Chan...
00:26:49.000Never got to finger bang or fuck in rush hour one, two, or three.
00:27:00.000I'm in bed fucking this white girl, and I had my phone next to her head like this, and a text comes in, and it's Joe just saying like, ha ha ha ha ha!
00:27:08.000And he's writing my press release back to me, and it's, look...
00:28:37.000In America where they're they're all Asian and then the I'm like what the male perf I'm like yeah that exists and they're like no it doesn't They go the only place in porn where you see an Asian guy is gay porn and he's the bottom So he's literally getting fucked in his ass and that's the only place you see him.
00:30:31.000When I hear people go, oh man, those fucking Asians are like...
00:30:35.000They're taking over all the best spots at all the best universities and they're owning all the real estate and China's taking over the world.
00:30:44.000They can't take our white pussy on top of that, you know, so I don't know I don't know what it is But I just know like when I do shit like I get a lot more slack for it then but whatever I don't I don't give a shit Well the point that you were making I mean, I know you're just being funny, but the point you were making is true I mean you don't see Asian guys get laid in movies and if they do it's with an Asian girl,
00:31:57.000So if you go to vid.me and then put in DVD or subscribe to DVD, I say you have my comedy special, which is the first time I did comedy at UCLA, which is intercut with like...
00:32:07.000Machine guns and girls buttholes and me slapping cigarettes out of smoking vaginas.
00:32:40.000Whenever I see a young guy with lots of detail, I'm like, that motherfucker has a lot of energy that's usually from, especially the subject matter.
00:34:42.000It's like he was this kid, like, they bust these black kids in from bad neighborhoods, Newton South High, and there was this one kid, and me and him, we used to look at each other, like, in the hallway, and, like, you know, he would stare at me, and I would stare at him, and nothing really happened, but then one day,
00:34:57.000we were in the locker room together, and I was passing him, he looked at me, and I don't remember what was said, but I remember the Dude grabbed me and hip-tossed me down to the ground.
00:36:46.000But my progression was the same thing.
00:36:48.000Everything in high school was this shit, like, cross-hatching, pen, pencil, prisma colors.
00:36:55.000And then, you know, I discovered spray paint, which was, like, the fucking, like, the best thing ever.
00:37:01.000It's like, oh my god, I discovered the Matrix, you know?
00:37:04.000and then acrylic and oil paint but what I discovered now after painting and drawing for years is that all those things I just said spray paint, oil, acrylic is you just even pencils like you draw something you create something and if you don't like it you just paint over it you just erase it and then the new thing that like I just that this is like like alchemy or like painting with with magic is the watercolor It's like the
00:37:34.000medium in art that has, I'd probably say the least amount of respect, because it's like, oh, watercolor, you think of old ladies on Sunday.
00:40:23.000Because you are, like, since I first did your show, I think the first time I ever did your show, I've never been on TV. You have a long career in TV, Fear Factor, the UFC stuff.
00:41:02.000So, the two times I did TV, they're like, oh, Dave, those shows you won won Emmys, and so the floodgates sort of opened, and now I have all these people interested in doing shows with me, but they're...
00:41:47.000It's like, Oh, wow, you have all the money in the world, yet you still have to answer to shareholders, like your business partners, your wife.
00:42:30.000Because if you want me to do that, you want me to compromise myself, it's going to start there and it's going to end up with me wearing a fucking suit, sitting behind a desk, talking to some idiot about a sitcom that I give two fucks about.
00:43:28.000Doing a show like this, we can say anything we want, or we could talk about, oh, I want to make this movie and talk about the ideas, but this is making it happen.
00:44:33.000So, what do we need to do to hire a bunch of real good union cameramen to set up a real good production studio where we can edit video, hire legit people?
00:46:13.000It's already censored But what you're doing on the on the internet is a wild wet like this podcast has no boss There's no one to tell us what we're gonna talk about we could do whatever we want, right?
00:46:24.000And it's because it's on the internet you could do the same sort of thing and run into what I do Which is like hey Joe you're on like you know, whatever the network UFC is on or you know anytime you do TV stuff Do they ever go hey Joe?
00:47:32.000If I did that, I would fuck myself over.
00:47:35.000And plus, I started doing this thing that I like as much as doing the UFC. I started doing these fight companion podcasts where we sit down and we watch the fights.
00:47:42.000We put the fight up on there and we drink and we smoke weed and we watch the fights and just talk while the fights are going on.
00:48:03.000I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my show and talking about fucking Jackie Chan finger blasting and whatever, but I love getting access to fucking go to the North Pole and interviewing the Norwegian Army General.
00:48:45.000And when you do a television show where they compromise you, hey, you gotta take down DVD ASA, or you gotta stop doing AR-15 up girls' butthole pictures.
00:48:54.000You automatically, you get rid of the whole point of having fuck you money.
00:49:00.000Who you are is this weird, unique artist dude who likes doing, you like pushing boundaries, you like being open about everything from prostitutes to sexual proclivities to overeating and diabetes, but that's you, man.
00:49:18.000I don't worry about guys like you getting corrupted by the fucking grist for the mill, get stuck in the machine where they figured out, how can I make more money off of David Cho?
00:49:27.000You know what they did with, here's a perfect example.
00:49:29.000You know what they did with Dave Chappelle?
00:49:31.000Dave Chappelle was doing the fucking Chappelle Show, which in my opinion is the greatest sketch show of all time.
00:51:19.000When I made the fuck you money, I sat down and I have five guys that work with me now and I had a meeting and I said, the point of what we do, and it's never been, and especially now, is to not make money.
00:51:30.000You know, I know I could sit here and talk to you about, like, should you turn into subscription-based or ads and this and that.
00:51:35.000We've never had ads on my show, because I don't have to.
00:51:38.000And it's like, it would be nice if we made stuff that did make money, but that is never...
00:51:42.000You know, the last three years, like, everything I do just, like, hemorrhages and bleeds money.
00:51:48.000But, you know, I can sell one painting and make that money back in one day.
00:51:55.000People have had this discussion before when they're at 7-Eleven buying a Scratcher or Super Lotto ticket, and they're like, man, if I had $100 million, this is what I would do.
00:52:04.000But it's like, in this country, and I don't want to go on a diatribe about greed or whatever, it's like, when is it enough?
00:52:33.000When it isn't a problem is when you...
00:52:36.000Who is the artist is in complete control, like a podcast, like your DVD ASA podcast, or like Hong Dynasty or any of this other shit you do, like all of your paintings.
00:52:45.000No one's standing over you and go, Dave, stop painting tits.
00:54:38.000When I paint something, some people will see it.
00:54:41.000If I have it in an art gallery, I don't go to art galleries.
00:54:44.000The spectrum of media is like this, right?
00:54:46.000At the top is network television, blockbuster Hollywood movies, and then video games, or maybe video games is at the top, and then it's like You know music and then you know books comic books and at the very bottom is art right so at the very top There's the most censorship.
00:55:04.000There's the most like people with their people involved You can't say this you can't do that dolphin tail to right and at the very bottom is His art where I can Paint anything and no one cares and it's not literal.
00:55:20.000Not only that, it's a direct connection to the art.
00:55:34.000And you draw this thing and it means whatever it means.
00:55:39.000To me it means this, to you it means that.
00:55:44.000There's very little chances of you becoming a fucking billionaire drawing comic books, but you get to say, what dollar can you put on freedom like that?
00:55:54.000But now, because this weird anomaly of where I did make all this money doing art, the floodgates have opened for me to do all types of entertainment, and not to sound too...
00:56:06.000Artsy or whatever, I look at everything I do as art.
00:56:40.000Because your creative vision is what makes you unique.
00:56:42.000You know, when I talked about being an artist or wanting to be an artist in high school and having this bad art teacher...
00:56:47.000I mean, I honestly do feel bad for the dude, because he was really frumpy, and he had a gut, and his fucking posture was bad, and he just was a guy who just had no hope.
00:56:57.000And what he said to me was like, I would draw all this stuff, and he was like, you gotta do, like, you're gonna have to draw things that you don't wanna draw.
00:57:06.000And he said, because you're gonna have to make a living.
00:57:08.000So if you're going to have to make a living, maybe you're going to work for, this is the thing, the example to use, you're going to have to draw babies for a diaper commercial.
00:57:17.000And I was like, but I want to be a comic book artist.
00:57:19.000And he's like, but you may not make it as a comic book artist.
00:58:11.000It's like an open call, and it's like every single animation studio, every single advertising agency.
00:58:17.000And I got there, and it's all these fucking kids with all their art, and there's really long lines to talk to a guy that has a pencil behind his ear and goes...
00:58:26.000Work on this yeah work on this and I was like fuck this and so I was like I'm not even gonna wait in this line so I went I went to go take a piss and I saw one of the advertising guys get up and I followed him to the bathroom and I said and I pulled one of those while his dick's out I'm like hey look at look at this crosshatch penis look at this and he's like hey you can't wait in line like everyone else I'm like dude I'm please and he like looked over he's like hey that's pretty good and so he's got his dick out and And I go,
00:59:18.000I'm fucking like young and I'm gonna make a living drawing like this is fucking crazy So I think Back then I don't know how it is now.
00:59:27.000They would have all these artists draw in the style.
00:59:31.000I forgot Drew Struzan that's that Star Wars They got painted all Star Wars These guys all draw that same style and you draw The movie poster, and then they give that to the photographer, and then the photographer, because, you know, there's no art in movie posters now.
01:01:22.000You know that that whole like hey, I'm somewhat part of showbiz and I'm working and I'm making the good money I walked into the guy's office less than a month in I said Like thank you for this like I appreciate it like this.
01:01:37.000He's like, what are you talking about?
01:01:39.000Like you you see that line you see how many people would die?
01:01:41.000He's like Dave and he closes the doors like I'm gonna tell you something You remind me of me like 20 years ago the fucking crazy hair you got like that fucking punk rock attitude and If you stay here and you do what I tell you, you could be running this fucking place in like 20 years.
01:01:55.000And I was like, you know, he gave me a nice ego boost.
01:02:36.000So I tell the guy I go hey look I can't believe this great opportunity you gave me but I'm gonna have to regretfully decline this thing and he goes What are you gonna do, Dave?
01:05:56.000When you're at that age, like the Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, young person, and you're learning your Picasso, whatever, you're learning your techniques and just getting all that stuff down.
01:06:32.000It's like you discovered fighting, but if you never got into fighting, I think you would have been a great artist doing all your werewolf stuff.
01:06:42.000I love those really glossy comic book magazines and stuff.
01:06:46.000So when I see Hitler's art and I see these landscapes and just I'm like, dude, if you went as hardcore in your art as you did with killing people, maybe you would have never become a, you know?
01:06:56.000Did you see the thing that was out recently about Hitler taking meth?
01:07:00.000Like, Hitler apparently was really into meth.
01:09:44.000Not for monetizing reasons or fans or whatever, just...
01:09:50.000When I draw something, and I don't have to write literally, and I just go, wow, and that fucking brushstroke captures exactly what's going on.
01:10:00.000I don't know what's going on in that Kevorkian shit, but that guy must have had so much shit that that release of painting shit like that is just so therapeutic to me.
01:10:10.000Yeah, there's definitely something beautiful about creating something, because you know that it didn't exist before you put your attention to it.
01:10:16.000You put your attention to that piece of paper or that piece of clay or whatever you're creating, and you made something out of it, and it existed because you put your attention to it.
01:10:25.000And whatever it is inside of you, whatever creativity is...
01:10:31.000It's like you're God creating something out of nothing, you know?
01:10:34.000Like, there's nothing here and you create it.
01:10:36.000And then, like, just not to harp on it or sound, you know, it's just with the young people, you know, because I'm sure young people talk to you all the time.
01:10:45.000And I don't want to sound delusional saying, oh, it's easy for you or guys like Joe, but...
01:10:51.000The saddest thing is when you enslave yourself at such a young age and throw yourself into...
01:10:56.000Like, yes, there's people that need to be parking meter cops.
01:10:58.000There's people that need to work at ad agencies or whatever.
01:11:23.000I'm sure you have a lot of people that are your fans.
01:11:26.000They go, you did it and you're my idol and I worship you and this and that.
01:11:29.000And so you did it, so that makes me feel like I can do it.
01:11:32.000And my whole thing with that is Like the whole like follow your dreams definitely follow your dreams, you know like definitely go for like your dreams and everything but Like what gets my dick really hard is like when I'm at IHOP and the guy takes my pancake order and He's like,
01:11:49.000you know, we have three new different syrups for that and like if you do this That's a better combo and he knows his job and he runs to get me the syrup And I'm like this guy maybe doesn't want to be IHOP waiter for his whole life, but the time he's here and He's passionate about it.
01:12:02.000He's bringing all of his energy to it, and then if IHOP waiter isn't ultimately what he ends up doing, he's gonna bring that, you know?
01:12:40.000Because they took a shitty job where it's like, fuck, I gotta stand on my feet and wear these weird clog shoes all day and all these, eh, this is too salty and take it back.
01:13:40.000Yeah, guys like Bourdain brought it to your attention and so now it's like you meet kids that are like, I want to be a chef when I grow up and it's like that.
01:15:28.000For the immigrant experience, a little bit hard.
01:15:31.000I mean, first of all, everyone who's an American is an immigrant.
01:15:34.000So it's like, that experience, the guilt level for the Koreans is like, I escaped from North Korea for you to stick a gun in a girl's butthole.
01:18:33.000I heard about a guy doing that in San Francisco, and he's like, hey, if you find it, tweet it, and it's like this big social media experience.
01:18:38.000I'm like, I'm not doing a social media experience.
01:18:40.000I'm just like, hey, I'm fucking hiding money, and then I just walk around the block, and I tell all the homeless people, hey, I just threw 10 grand if you guys want to look for it.
01:19:37.000The house that I live in is actually half the size of this room, and I've lived there for 15 years, and it's just people don't understand it because they're like, you could live in a fucking mansion and have your own island and whatever, and I'm like, yeah, but I don't care.
01:19:53.000So I haven't gambled since I went to rehab for gambling and had my heart attack and all that stuff.
01:20:06.000And what they had done with the limits, because in Vegas the most you can bet on certain things is like 25,000 a hand on blackjack or whatever, is they raised it for me because they knew how much money I was worth, and I could bet a quarter million a hand on blackjack.
01:20:20.000So, you know, it could go pretty quickly.
01:20:23.000I mean, the shift's like, oh, I just won 10 million.
01:20:29.000This is where the mercury poisoning comes in.
01:20:31.000Like, the height of my Vegas experience was, like, staying at the penthouse in every single casino, like all the high roller casinos, a harem of whores in each one, and just going downstairs and, like, winning 5 million here, going to, like, the next one, going upstairs,
01:20:47.000fucking, like, 10 girls in a row, going downstairs, winning 10 grand.
01:20:50.000What's the most you ever paid a prostitute?
01:22:14.000At some point, I just stopped selling my paintings.
01:22:16.000I was like, I just either give them to free to my friends, or you can look at it for free on Instagram, or you can buy my books that are cheap, or you can go out and look at the murals I did.
01:22:25.000I'm not on this planet to make really expensive art for rich people, you know?
01:24:19.000It's like, well, I play this game, it's a dumb game, but, you know, I've played with Asa and people on our show, it's like, someone who's not a whore.
01:24:27.000A person who has a regular job, bartender, fucking, I don't know, something where you make, like, you're middle class.
01:24:39.000For a person who's not a prostitute, who's single, who has a normal job, to just go up to them and go, I will pay any amount of money to fuck you.
01:26:13.000And knowing you, I know you, and I know the way you communicate, and I know the way you fuck around with things, and the way you talk about things.
01:26:21.000You told a story on your podcast, DVD ASA, about getting a massage therapist to give you a blowjob.
01:26:29.000And by forcing her head onto the dick.
01:27:06.000Now, people who just like some, I don't know, like the TMZ, Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton type of shit where it's like, we heard this and then they just, it's all like, this guy's a piece of shit and it's just all gossip, rumor stuff.
01:27:49.000I don't know, like, I know the first time I came on your show, you're like, I don't like to talk about my wife or my family, this and that, and, like, that's where you draw the line.
01:29:08.000But he said, look, If you want to tell a story about, like, let's say Michael Jordan.
01:29:14.000I don't know Michael Jordan, but, like, say you were friends with Michael Jordan, and you want to tell a story about Michael Jordan, and it's not...
01:29:19.000Say a famous white baseball player, so then it's, like, still a famous person, you know?
01:30:29.000The number one thing, because I have been in prison five times, is because of growing up with these movies, American Me, whatever, whenever I go to jail, I'm like, I'm not black, I'm not white, I'm the minority in prison.
01:30:43.000Someone's going to try to rape me, you know?
01:31:21.000Then, you know, like all these blog gossiping bullshit and they blow it out of proportion and I'm like...
01:31:26.000Wow, the show that I created in the first place, like, what happened was, when all this Facebook shit happened, I went on Howard Stern where I talked for two hours unedited, right?
01:32:02.000I'm like, there's no fucking one coming forward.
01:32:05.000The feminists are like, wait till this chick comes forward and we're going to all get behind her and pay her legal fees because Dave's rich.
01:32:11.000And I'm like, no one's coming forward.
01:33:32.000First of all, can I just say during that whole thing, Joe is like the only one of my celebrity buddies that called me and was like, he was a good friend.
01:33:44.000First of all, I don't know if you raped somebody, but I don't think you ever would.
01:33:49.000I could be wrong, obviously you could be wrong, but I listened to your explanation of it, and I know what it's like when you're doing a podcast, because Sometimes you're just trying to be entertaining.
01:34:02.000I've been on podcasts before where people have told stories that I know what really happened, and they're trying to make it better by adding a little to it.
01:34:09.000But the way you did, it was pretty crazy.
01:34:11.000Yeah, if you and me went through some crazy shit and we were like, let's talk about it without getting that guy in trouble, then we have to change some details.
01:34:19.000Yeah, you gotta dance around and turn it into a rape session.
01:35:28.000And he's like, but if they said something that wasn't offensive and funny, and it succeeded and made you laugh, it comes from the same place.
01:35:36.000It comes from this place of trying to make something entertaining.
01:35:40.000And you make mistakes when you're doing things live.
01:35:42.000Look, you've been on our show, and I need to go back to the North Korea-America thing.
01:36:20.000It's like I have a lot of porn friends and I have a lot of disturbed Yoshi like a lot of disturbed people and so when we fuck with each other, you know, and you know comedians and like like You start to forget that there's normal people out there Yeah,
01:36:36.000you're like, oh wow like that like, you know me and my friends when we get together horrible like I told you about Steve Lee and Bill Poon doing the Macau Brothers.
01:36:47.000So Steve's the lead singer of my band now.
01:36:49.000I started a band called Monchi with Money Mark from the Beastie Boys.
01:37:57.000So he had like one threesome after the next.
01:37:59.000And I'm on the bed just filming it for him because I'm like...
01:38:03.000I'm like, dude, you'll want to watch this later.
01:38:05.000I'm like, every time you think like, oh, like this girl, whatever, like, just remember you getting one ball in her mouth, one ball in this other chick's mouth.
01:38:15.000And you ever see, this is a little bit off topic, but you ever see that Seinfeld where the guy converts to Judaism so he could tell Jew jokes?
01:38:25.000So I'm sitting on the bed filming Steve get his dick sucked by two women, and one of them stops and he starts fucking one chick.
01:38:32.000And she's like, look at his butt, it's so cute.
01:38:34.000I go, yeah, Steve's got a really cute butt.
01:38:35.000And she goes, should I stick my finger in it?
01:39:16.000He goes, I don't use my hands, and I wear women's underwear, and I use the tightness of the band around my boner, and I twerk back and forth until I come, and I go...
01:39:46.000And I go, is it something where you feel like the girl doesn't deserve your cum or something?
01:39:49.000So I made a whole new TV show for him called Girlfriend Experience, and I'm sending him to Colombia, and I paid a model that looks like Sofia Vergara.
01:39:59.000Bill, if you're listening, not the most attractive guy, like a...
01:40:03.000Short, like, very fat, nerdy-looking Asian guy with a girl...
01:40:09.000Like, basically, I told a girl, you can't ever talk about money.
01:40:12.000You have to trick him and pretend like you're his girlfriend for 30 days and then see if he finally comes.
01:40:50.000Yeah, that's definitely not polite dinner conversation.
01:40:55.000Right, so it's like, I don't know, and you've been on our show, it's like when you go in the room and the doors close and then everyone just starts fucking, you just like, you forget that another world exists, you know?
01:41:05.000Yeah, when everybody starts talking about crazy shit, you sort of like get into that mode and it becomes acceptable.
01:41:11.000Like, if you're around people that never swear and someone walks in the room and says fuck, it's like, oh!
01:41:16.000But if you're around people that are constantly swearing, you don't even, it doesn't even, like this conversation here, nothing's registered.
01:41:24.000You'll say, this fucking this or that, it means nothing.
01:41:27.000But if the president said it in a speech, you personally would be like, whoa, he just said fuck!
01:43:08.000You assume that the people that get it, like on my message board, my message board is like this ridiculous message board, and some of the subjects are just so...
01:43:17.000But everybody kind of understands the tone of the board, so they'll say something really fucked up, and if it was on any other message board, people might read it and go, what the fuck did this guy just say?
01:45:24.000It's like, oh, is Dave full of shit or this and this and this?
01:45:26.000So, like I said, during the height of that, like, crazy Vegas era, I would be going to Vegas all the time with, like, a hundred grand, a million dollars in, like, a pillowcase in my backpack.
01:46:10.000Shit that like I can't even talk about here.
01:46:12.000That's like the he's the he's my Lime shovels.
01:46:16.000Yeah, so I just I just gave him this I was like you take this cuz you're the fucking man.
01:46:19.000He's like I don't want your dirty money He's like I don't I don't get I'm not I'm not a whore like I'm not gonna get paid for the whatever so I was like Let's do it for all the people that go if I was I know a hundred thousand dollars isn't a like Million dollars, but it's like...
01:47:11.000And with all this shit, they're like, we never even know if this guy's serious or not, so I'm putting $100,000 up in this Critter's cross-country cash contest scavenger hunt.
01:49:16.000Our fans are fucking great, too, but then there's that handful of...
01:49:20.000If I talk about something, then they'll definitely go out of their way to, like...
01:49:24.000Like, if I try to, like, mask the girl that I'm talking about without giving away her identity, they'll put the clues together, figure out who it is, call her and be like, hey, Dave said horrible shit about you.
01:50:00.000I get excited, and I'm like, cool, I have a show where I can talk about anything.
01:50:03.000I talk about it, and then I find out...
01:50:05.000We did a couple episodes in Big Bear, and I was like, cool, we're doing shows in Big Bear.
01:50:10.000While we're doing the shows in Big Bear, because we said that, someone went online, found out the address of the thing, blasted it on the line, wrote the manager and said, hey, there's a disgusting porn star and a fucking rapist artist there doing, you know, and the landlord calls us and he's like,
01:50:26.000hey, like, what's the, like, we're trying to have this, like, we spent a million dollars building this, like, nice resort honeymoon Big Bear Ranch and you guys are turning it into what?
01:50:37.000So was this post the internet controversy or pre?
01:52:45.000One of the reasons why, I mean, I assume one of the reasons why the people that like this show are so nice, my fans are so nice, is because I'm a nice person.
01:53:36.000You could be a guy like Brock Lesnar, and somewhere out there, there's this badass dude with brown pride tattooed on his chest who just beats the shit out of you.
01:55:36.000There's a little bit of emulation, but then there's also like I want to be my own person So I'm trying, you know, I'm trying to figure out my voice and in the meantime like yeah, I'm falling I'm failing here.
01:55:46.000So I hopefully I'm learning from this experience was also the There's an I don't know if there's an art or a skill to being the public eye and expressing yourself because I have not mastered that yet There's shit that we all do, and I know, you know, you hang around with guys that I know,
01:57:17.000You can listen to it on iTunes or whatever, but if you want to watch it, it's on that Vidme site now because I don't want to censor anything.
01:57:24.000We broadcast from an insane asylum now.
01:59:52.000So, instead of having a guy pay to be like, take this episode down or edit this thing, I'm like, let's just broadcast live from a fucking insane asylum.
02:00:01.000I don't think that's a real disclaimer, though.
02:00:03.000Especially since you've come on this show and you've said...
02:00:37.000I've had haters in my entire life, you know?
02:00:39.000Well, people look at you like, you're not just a talented artist.
02:00:43.000You're a talented artist that got some crazy break where you illustrated the Facebook offices, they gave you a shit I'm not going to deny that the Facebook thing was a crazy break, but I've made millions of dollars in everything I've ever wanted to do, and so it's like, did I get a crazy break over and over again,
02:01:00.000or did I just bust my ass and just fucking go for it?
02:01:04.000Well, you've been very successful and you got a crazy break.
02:01:07.000Well, yeah, I've been very successful and that.
02:01:09.000And then so when anything happens, they're like, oh, well, like I said, the way I started the show.
02:01:35.000And like but nobody knew right and I was like so I can still like that's the best right the best combo you get to live a normal life But you're fucking rich as shit and then so you were rich before the Facebook shit even went down I didn't have hundreds of millions But I had a few million and I was like cool.
02:01:50.000That's more than I ever thought I would make right I'm selling paintings for a couple hundred grand like it was awesome I go to Vegas and win a hundred grand it was like it was a very good life but now it's like You know, if I go...
02:02:58.000And I'm going to announce the winner on Halloween, and on November 2nd, I'm just going to On November 2nd, two years ago, this is what happened.
02:03:28.000I answered everyone's questions for 24 hours straight with live video response with a cast of 200 of my friends and actors and midgets and porn stars and chefs and everyone I knew.
02:03:41.000And everyone was like, what just happened?
02:03:44.000It would be a kid like, hey Dave, what's your favorite place to eat?
02:03:47.000I don't know, let me ask Anthony Bourdain.
02:04:43.000I started getting paranoid and whatever so then that's why I love like vid me whatever like I sound like I'm doing a huge commercial for them But like I love them because you could do whatever I want so this year I'm gonna do a fucking live podcast at midnight starting November 2nd for three hours Then I'm gonna go on reddit and I'm gonna answer everyone's questions same style with like Hundreds of my friends of actors fucking famous people porn stars everything for 14 hours straight Then I'm gonna fucking
02:05:13.000have a live event where my band plays and we're gonna fucking have a huge party.
02:05:18.000And then at midnight, I'm gonna fucking, or close to midnight, like at nine, I'll do another three-hour live podcast and then I'm gonna give this fucking money to somebody.
02:06:34.000You know, you and me could talk about like, oh, you should eat kale and this and that, but it's like, I know at the end of the day what I'm really going to do.
02:06:40.000And so if I sit here and go, hey, Dave, forget all this fucking bullshit you've talked up until now, your podcast, TV bullshit, you're an artist, okay?
02:06:48.000So let's talk real talk about you being an artist.
02:06:50.000How much have you actually painted in the last 10 years?
02:07:18.000And Just that's what it takes now, because I am an easily distracted, addictive person, so I do have a lot of options for pussy that I never had before.
02:07:28.000I do have all these things, and it's...
02:07:57.000Wait, that's what, you know, drawing my whole life was the only thing that brought me attention, and now I have everyone's attention, so let me fuck the whole world.
02:08:42.000I believe you can make really good art if you're well-adjusted and you're happy and whatever, but I'm talking about the great shit that transcends time and whatever.
02:08:53.000Those people are suicidal, miserable fucks.
02:08:55.000And speaking just for me, because I know my best stuff always came from Rejection, hatred, getting dumped, living in miserable conditions.
02:09:06.000There's nothing about living in a 20-story or 20-bedroom fucking mansion in Beverly Hills with pools and Playboy models hanging around.
02:09:34.000I'm not trying to change your opinion, but what I'm trying to say is you love a lot of different things, but you definitely have a self-destructive streak, but I don't...
02:09:45.000When I was a kid and I was doing stand-up, when I first started doing stand-up, one of the things that I thought is, man, I don't ever want to get enlightened.
02:09:51.000Because if I get enlightened, it's going to fuck up my comedy.
02:09:53.000Because my favorite comedy was always Sam Kinison and Richard Pryor, Troubled People, Dirty People.
02:10:00.000And I was always thinking, man, you can never achieve a certain amount of enlightenment because then you'll never be able to do the great comedy.
02:11:02.000People try to make me feel bad for being a porn star.
02:11:04.000She's like, I love fucking, I love sex.
02:11:06.000And then I've offered her, I was like, you know, because we have dark spots in our past, like I think, like there's a huge age gap where I don't remember where I'm like, is that why I'm so fucked up?
02:11:14.000Did I get raped or molested or whatever?
02:11:21.000Rich white people, kind of enlightening wellness camps and shit like that where I'm always the only Asian guy and the youngest guy there.
02:11:27.000And I said to her, I was like, hey, if you ever want to do that stuff, I'll pay for your therapy and this and that.
02:11:32.000And she's like, I don't want to go and then learn something and become enlightened and then find out that I actually hate myself and hate porn.
02:11:38.000Because she's enjoying her life right now.
02:12:11.000Like, I don't, like, I've given up, like, I don't even want to say given up because I am adaptive and this could, what I'm telling you right now could change tomorrow.
02:12:18.000But as of right now, I am working on animation, TV shows, my podcast, painting, working on my next book.
02:12:25.000It's like, there's no time in there for a real relationship for kids.
02:12:28.000I can afford, like, when you say, why don't you just buy the best trainer, the best nutritionist?
02:12:43.000The woman who sucks my dick that's in love with me, that wants to have my children.
02:12:50.000When you give a woman fucking $2,000 and she needs it, And she knows if she sucks it really good that there's $2,000 coming the next week, she's sucking it like she's in love with you.
02:16:34.000Is part of what makes you enjoy your life the fact that you Reject these other people's expectations and their definitions of you, and you get to live free on your own, and you're proving that you're successful.
02:18:33.000Being Korean makes you want to fight against things?
02:18:36.000I talked to Bourdain about this on the show.
02:18:38.000It's like, they probably have it in every culture, their own version of it, but in Korean, it's called Han, and it's like, it's like genetic.
02:18:44.000It's like, you're just, like, I have a friend who has adopted a Korean son, and he has his own kid, and he goes, my normal kid is just, you know, because he's rich, he's like, all my kids have everything they could ever want, but this Korean one, He just wakes up with a scowl on his face every morning.
02:19:01.000I go, yeah, welcome to fucking Korea, dude.
02:20:11.000The other thing about him is that I've never met more people like as a group that are more dedicated to hard work and like If you don't work hard if you're not miserable from working hard all the time, right?
02:20:26.000He was on the national my friend junk sick junk sick Chang Yeah, he was he was a national taekwondo champion and at the same time He was going through his fucking residency the medical residency this guy was always tired This is how I would see him like this Always tired,
02:20:41.000and then he would just fucking work out really hard, and then be exhausted.
02:20:44.000He would be at school, and he was training, so he would be studying all day, and then he would run upstairs.
02:20:50.000He'd run up the flights of stairs at the university.
02:20:53.000He was constantly tired, constantly miserable, but he felt like if he didn't live like that, he couldn't be happy.
02:22:20.000And don't you think, though, that as Japanese and Chinese, as generations go on, they become more assimilated, especially because of the internet.
02:22:29.000You're going to see more and more Chinese comedians, more Japanese comedians, things along those lines, don't you think?
02:22:35.000As they become more entrenched in the art form...
02:23:22.000So I was like, I want to go up there with no act, and then I started writing stuff down, but whenever I write stuff, it just ends up being...
02:23:33.000There's a dick with cum squirting out of it.
02:23:36.000This is the whole time he's been on this podcast he's been drawing.
02:23:39.000I'm going to auction that piece off, ladies and gentlemen, for charity.
02:23:42.000If you see the close-up of me doing the comedy special and it looks like I wrote some flashcards, they're all just drawings of dicks on the side.
02:23:51.000Yeah, and so I'm like, when I see the black guys on the corner hit on every single girl, they're like, hey, what's up?
02:24:00.000And I'm like, dude, does that really work?
02:24:02.000And they're like, no, but the one time it works out of 100, it's worth it, you know?
02:24:07.000So when I was thinking about doing stand-up or whatever, I'm like, Okay, so if I bomb, like, the worst, like, boo, you suck, and they throw oranges, or I don't know what they throw.
02:24:26.000Like, that, you know, it's like, win-win for me.
02:24:28.000If I'm humiliated, I'm like, oh, I tried it, I sucked, so I just was like, fuck it, I'm gonna go for it, and I was like, I don't want to act, I know I'm talking to college students, so I'll try to, like, stay on college topics and how dumb it is, but, um, Yeah.
02:26:19.000I need the audience to get ready for when I get on stage like I don't want you up there doing some weird artsy fucking fake rape shit or whatever like I need a real comedian and I go fuck you dude fuck you you're such a piece of shit and um and he goes and you know it was last minute he couldn't find anyone and I said hey hey fuckface guess what I've seen your stand up ten times I have your act memorized I'm gonna do your exact act before you gotta go what the fuck are you gonna do about it and his face changes he goes Because I thought he thought,
02:26:53.000I go, he goes, that's like me going to your, like if I had an art show, or if you had an art show and I had like the counterfeit of that right next door, I'm like, cool, then I would just paint something else.
02:27:02.000Like you as a real comedian, if I just sabotage your whole act, should be able to go up there and talk about weird Hawaiian shit or like anything, you know, because he's funny enough.
02:27:11.000And that's me being a weird guy, like trying to push him.
02:29:46.000He told some stories on a podcast about going down to Mexico in the middle of filming Mad TV. He would leave the set, go down to Mexico, do drugs, he was carrying a fucking kitchen knife, get hookers, come back, Gacked out of his fucking mind, holding on to the knife,
02:30:01.000just completely wired to the gills, like at Mad TV with a giant knife on him.