Berg Kreischer is a world traveler. He's been on the road for the last 20 years and is a regular on the Travel Channel. He travels the world on a motorcycle, on a skateboard, and in a goose's face. And he thinks about bugs and geese all the time. He also thinks about getting hit in the face by a bug and a goose a lot. And that's a good thing because God doesn't like Fabio on the cover of his favorite romance novels. And Kim Kardashian is suing him because she thinks he's a douchebag and wants to make money off of it. And we're here to tell you why you should be mad at him for being mad at her. We also talk about how much he's paid for his travels and what he's been up to in the last few years. And we talk about a lot of other stuff too. This episode is a good one. I hope you enjoy this episode, and if you like it, please leave us a five star review on Apple Podcasts and tell a friend about it. We'll see you next week for our next episode! Thank you so much for listening and supporting the podcast. We really appreciate it. -Jon Sorrentino - Jon & Sarah Jon Sarah Mike Steve Tim Matt John Chad Ben Josh Jack Chris Kevin Matthew Evan Michael Jake Sam Justin Will David Brad James Zach Andrew Tom Shane Mark Joe Daniel Brian Christian Chelsie Emily Alex Julian Kieran Is this episode coming soon? Can you make it? Will it be better than the one with a better than this one? Can it be the one that does it better than that we talked about it on the other one on the last time we did it on Good Morning America? Thanks for listening to this episode? We ll find out on the podcast? ? can we do it better next week? and we'll let us know in the next episode Thanks so much and I'll let you know what you think of it on our social media in the comments section?
00:03:00.000SMACK! Anyway, every one of those romance novels would be this long-haired guy who was super romantic.
00:03:09.000It was essentially like a morph between a man and a woman.
00:03:12.000It was like a woman's desire for a man that's one beautiful, Handsome and blonde man with this long luxurious mane of hair and he was always like holding her like she was like She was just going limp and he was like holding her body weight.
00:05:49.000Yeah, but, like, I thought of doing, uh, I thought of, uh, we were doing an episode for TripFlip in L.A., and I was thinking about getting, um, lookalikes, like impersonators, like, get, like, 30 of them and have them at a party.
00:06:02.000So I was like, hey, you guys wanted to meet celebrities.
00:07:00.000The weather changed on us, and I was getting nervous because it's lightning, and you're on these big steel platforms in Vegas in the middle of the desert.
00:07:39.000And I went up into the rigging, racked my balls, like, fucking hit my taint, I thought I fucking broke my coccyx, come out, and then I shoot, like, and here's the worst part, is I shoot back, because you went into the rigging, I shot back, like, 150 feet into the fucking, out into the valley.
00:09:04.000It's like a big inflatable kind of mattress where they're half filled with air, and you lay on the end, and then some guy jumps off a 30-foot dock, and when he lands, it's Einstein's theory of relativity, every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, and you shoot up,
00:09:19.000Equally as high as he went versus his weight.
00:09:22.000So if he's more than you, you compensate for that and you go up in the air and you go into the water.
00:09:56.000For three weeks, I couldn't, I was in the water and I was literally holding my legs, and it's a kids camp, all these kids around me, and I'm just holding my legs in massive pain, and they're like, we need you to go again, and I go, I can't go again, and like, it doesn't look dangerous.
00:10:09.000Why did they say they need you to go again?
00:10:10.000Do you need to go a couple times with these things to make sure that they've got the shot and they can get at different angles?
00:10:33.000Because you never know if you get hurt, and if you get hurt in the middle of a fucking outback or in the middle of the Sahara, you, like, if you get fucking, say you get attacked by a fucking lion and you're not gonna die, but you have a fucking six-hour bumpy car ride in, I want painkillers.
00:10:50.000However, when you are hurt, like when I blew those hamstrings, I grabbed two Vicodin, popped them, and I was manageable until they got me to the hospital.
00:11:49.000It's so awkward, because I'm out of it, and I, like, instead of, the kid's hand was on my shoulder, but I wanted to touch him, so I grabbed his, like, inner thigh.
00:11:56.000Like his thigh, and I'm holding the counselor's hand, and they prayed on me.
00:12:33.000Yeah, because they want to accommodate Westerners, and especially Europeans.
00:12:36.000Europeans love to drink, and they want to be a tourist location.
00:12:40.000That's the big killer, is a lot of these large Muslim investors are going into Muslim countries like Zanzibar and buying up hotels, but they're not comfortable with alcohol and bathing suits.
00:12:51.000And some of the most beautiful hotels in all of East Africa are just Muslim-owned, and they're vacant.
00:14:26.000Like, I have a video on my phone, it's probably on my computer, of me sitting at what is their Times Square in Tokyo at rush hour at like 8 a.m.
00:14:47.000It's that law of, you know, whatever dictates...
00:14:50.000I heard about it on some podcast about, you know, this guy walked into an elevator and stood, but the guy in the other way was facing the wrong direction and went, huh, and looked at him.
00:14:58.000Then it stops and someone comes in, faces the wrong direction again.
00:15:01.000And then after the third person, when they face the wrong direction, the guy who was facing the fucking doors went, fuck it, and he just turned around.
00:15:07.000Because you get into that assimilation.
00:17:58.000You just want to throttle, and as we start to feel the lift, just start pulling back.
00:18:02.000And we just fucking take off, and I pull back, and I'm like, and he goes, and you get up to like 3,000 feet, and he's like, alright, or 2,000 feet.
00:18:07.000He's like, level it off, and you just start pushing forward, and you feel the plane land.
00:19:46.000There's a guy who's poking at this roof.
00:19:50.000There's a leopard that's trapped in the roof.
00:19:54.000In India, it looks like it's in India, where they do have a problem with leopards.
00:19:57.000And as this guy is trying to open this thing up, this fucking leopard head pops out of this little hole, a small hole, and then a leopard bursts through the fucking roof and starts attacking these people.
00:20:09.000And they're freaking out and trying to run away, and they're trying to hit it with sticks, and it runs into this guy, and this guy fucking panics.
00:20:15.000It's like this crazy leopard running around the street.
00:24:00.000That's what I would have done, just put it back on and be like, that doesn't happen.
00:24:03.000Well, they stitched that bitch back up, but who knows if it took.
00:24:06.000You know, when you get a cut that big, sometimes, like, the blood supply's compromised, you can get infected.
00:24:12.000No, you're the kind of guy that if you lost the tip of your pinky finger, that it would affect you or that it would just become who you are and then that's a bad, just like...
00:28:25.000Like, they were on XM. But they were talking and they were taking calls and stuff.
00:28:30.000And they were talking about how, like, there's a different kind of mentality, at least in L.A., at the clubs...
00:28:38.000All the mean comics have died off, like that fun, mean shit where you don't really mean it, but it's hilarious, just tearing each other apart.
00:28:44.000That stuff has died off for some reason, and it's been replaced by, Bonnie said it best, she said it was like an acting class sort of a vibe.
00:28:53.000That everyone's like, good to see you.
00:33:10.000You and I talked about this on the podcast before?
00:33:12.000You got me on Alpha Brain and what I've realized is my lucid dreaming is attached to Alpha Brain in the sense that Alpha Brain will give me energy and make me think quicker and faster.
00:33:21.000I don't know if it was caffeine or what was in it.
00:33:26.000Acetylcholine is something that people have reported.
00:33:29.000If you take it, it gives you really intense dreams.
00:33:32.000Yeah, that's a one of the like universal things that people said about alpha brain is the the dream part I've always said it makes it feels like I got I'm not a lucid dreamer where I don't have any techniques I don't practice it but occasionally I found myself in that state and when I find myself in that state where I realize that I'm dreaming It feels like it's more it's it always used to feel like a like a child's bubble You know when you blow a bubble like if you touch it it pops.
00:33:55.000Yeah, it became like a basketball I'm like I could bounce this motherfucker around like this dream I could bounce it around, but I know I never pursued it You pursued it like you got into like the techniques and you you got into like getting your mind in the right state No,
00:34:11.000no just blacking out and then passing out drunk Yeah, but I mean you say you got into lucid dreaming like you're practicing it, right?
00:34:17.000The thing is is that I found myself waking up and being able to get back into dreams and And then I went, there's something to that.
00:34:24.000And then I found myself, for a big chunk, a big, big chunk, being in a dream state for almost the entire night without sleeping.
00:34:32.000Like, I mean, and I put this on the sensitivity of my Fitbit watch.
00:34:56.000I mean, they were like, it was like next level.
00:34:58.000I talked about it on a podcast I did with Shane Moss, and I ended up, he asked me about the stream, I told him, and then I ended up crying in the middle of it because it was about a buddy who killed himself, but it was such a surreal fucking dream that even telling anyone about it, they're like, how the fuck did that, like, are you serious?
00:35:12.000Did you ever think about reading books on it and getting deep into the methods that people use to achieve those states?
00:35:21.000I've read a bunch about dreaming online and I even took it as far as I became obsessed with it and I wanted to do a dreamcast where I'd bring in like a zen buddhist monk to relax you And get you to sleep, and then for like seven minutes we get you to sleep,
00:35:36.000and then give you a period of two minutes silent, and then I am like the Dreamweaver.
00:35:42.000And so as you're sleeping, because that happens to me a lot, I know I've told you that, I'll have dreams of you, I dream of you and Fitzsimmons hanging out in my living room talking, and I just, it was you guys on my podcast, and I was sleeping and it was just immersing itself into my head.
00:35:54.000And it's like, it was so funny because whatever you guys were talking about, I had an opinion, and I kept trying to interrupt you guys, and you were like, hold on, Bert, Bert, stop.
00:36:20.000What will happen is I'll tell you one, and then as I tell you one, it'll untangle all the other ones, and it'll start coming out like a braid.
00:36:28.000And I'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:37:37.000Like, even if I don't look just like them, and in the dream I thought, Travel Channel's gonna be pissed.
00:37:43.000When they see that I'm dancing, and all of a sudden I hear the curtains start to pull back, and I'm about to get off stage, and I hear, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the click-clack clans!
00:37:52.000And we start tap dancing, and I've always wanted to tap dance.
00:38:09.000It's on Doug Benson's answering machine.
00:38:11.000No, no, I mean like make a sketch out of it about these guys that were in the Klan but they feel bad and they don't hate black people anymore and they want to entertain and spread their new message and so they start going around the country tap dancing.
00:38:25.000And along the way, they encounter so many mean black people, they become racist again.
00:38:29.000Towards the end, they turn back around.
00:39:17.000And then what happens, and I'm going through this right now, is I go through a big period.
00:39:19.000I was leaving him a lot of malaria dreams because they were insane.
00:39:23.000And then I get, I'm so, I'm so keyed into dreaming that I'm dreaming obsessively where I am right now where I'm having like fucking 13 to 35 a night.
00:40:54.000Yeah, like you could do, you know, you could do how they tied in together, what you did before you went to bed, what you drank that put you in this catatonic state where you believe that you're in a bubble bath that's the size of the Philadelphia Eagle Stadium.
00:41:09.000You're floating in there, and you're naked, but no one could see you because the water's so high.
00:41:14.000You could have a bunch of different fucking crazy dreams that you could just relay.
00:41:19.000You could have your kids tell their dreams.
00:41:43.000Because you've been doing the road a lot?
00:41:45.000Because I haven't been doing stand-up as much as I've been doing stand-up.
00:41:48.000And so now I've started back on stand-up, and I think I'm just inspired by a bunch of people who I feel like are doing it a lot better than me.
00:41:55.000So you said you haven't been doing stand-up as much as you've been doing stand-up.
00:42:00.000I think you've probably been doing the show more?
00:42:03.000I've been doing TV more than I've been doing stand-up.
00:42:05.000You put me in a weird quagmire when we had that conversation in Vietnam because I said, alright, so I've been very attentive to writing material about these things that I've been doing.
00:42:39.000But then this weekend I was in Columbus and I noticed that when I would get into a spot where it was a genuine new bit about scuba diving 80 feet to go see a wreck or riding in a Top Fuel drag store or jumping off this Moza Bambita Stadium, that when it started to bomb, that's the panic feeling where people go,
00:42:57.000And to be able to own that bomb and sit in there and trust it and trust that That these people are going to get a piece of shit joke right now that I'm working on, but trust me, one day it'll be better.
00:43:26.000I'm not going to go up there and do a completely new stuff and bomb.
00:43:32.000If it's all going bad, I will go to old stuff that I know really works.
00:43:36.000He's like, the most important thing for me is that the show's good, which makes a lot of sense, especially if they're paying high ticket dollar prices in theaters, which is a lot of stuff he's doing.
00:43:45.000He's got a pretty big obligation to have a good show.
00:43:52.000But that's where the LA clubs come in.
00:43:53.000That's where fucking around comes in here, you know, at the store, the improv, or just going up and, you know, just going up with like a skeleton of a joke and trying to figure out what it is, recording it, listening to it, going back over it.
00:44:12.000I feel like when I record it, I actually say it differently than if I feel if it's getting lost to the ethos, then I feel like it's in the spirit, it's in the moment, and it's live by the sword, die by the sword type shit.
00:45:05.000You can take yourself into some strange headspace, because when you're doing a bit...
00:45:12.000Something might happen, or someone might react to it in a certain way, and because they react to it in a certain way, you say, well, you're thinking, duh, and that's the best line of the joke.
00:45:21.000And that just came out of that particular moment.
00:45:23.000If you don't capture that, you might not ever be able to recreate it in your memory.
00:45:27.000Because you're in that weird zen state where you're killing, too.
00:46:41.000Joe, you know, what's funny about that is that it's almost impossible to get food poisoning from sushi because in the United States, sushi is flash frozen.
00:46:49.000It has to be frozen and then re-thawed out.
00:46:52.000So it's like almost impossible for you to actually...
00:50:20.000I take ground venison and I cook it and I'll use gluten-free pasta or sprouted grain pasta and I'll mix it all together with some tomato sauce.
00:52:22.000It's crazy watching, like, knowing her, like, knowing her as a person that's, like, you know, didn't really have a lot of experience outdoors at all.
00:52:29.000It wasn't, like, a crazy fitness person or an extreme athlete who's doing nutty things all the time.
00:52:34.000She, you know, is a regular person, very nice person, works in an office, you know, works for Anthony Bourdain and 0.0 and all of a sudden she's shooting a fucking elk in the mountains of Montana in the snow and the woods and it's like, It's wild shit, dude.
00:52:51.000She was pretty not a cry, but she could tell she was like really was like an overwhelming experience She was like there's no words for this, which is how I felt to the first time I shot a deer It's like there's no words for this.
00:58:06.000They didn't find out the name of the show until the first day when they lined them all up, and they're like, gentlemen, or people, I'd like to welcome you to Celebrity Fat Fuck, and you just watch them all go, oh man, fuck.
01:00:36.000When I sit there and I'm chewing on a crispy piece of bacon, this cooked maybe just a little too long, but it's just crunching in my mouth and the saltiness and the sweetness of the pig fat that's just warm and melting in my mouth as I chew it down,
01:01:32.000He gets that fat bacon from Whole Foods, you know, those thick-ass bacons, and he puts on this, like, fucking slow bacon cooker, and he's like, as I'm getting ready for my day, and I'm going through my day, it's smelling, the aroma's filling the house.
01:01:46.000It's like, there's a bunch of experiences going on.
01:04:29.000Don't you think at one point, at some point, Daniel LaRusso's mom would have been like, I think this maintenance man is trying to fuck my son.
01:04:36.000We're spending a lot of time together.
01:05:30.000If I start telling you about the movie Time Traveler's Wife or the movie Miracle about the U.S. hockey team, I start sobbing uncontrollably.
01:08:58.000That was the first time I realized I was like, because I remember seeing Last of the Mohicans when I was a kid, and I was like, ah, it's a good movie, but I thought there'd be more action.
01:09:04.000I couldn't appreciate acting or whatever.
01:09:07.000But when I saw Gangs in New York, I was like, motherfucker, this guy is that guy.
01:10:21.000Daniel Day-Lewis looked like a guy who had been punched in the face.
01:10:24.000Like, there's a difference between a guy who gets punched in the face all the time, the way they hold their hands, the way they're actually aware that that's a possibility, and then guys who are just not thinking they can get hit at all.
01:10:35.000You know, like, if you're in a movie, it's one thing if you're hitting the bag or something, but if you're in a movie, you're playing a boxer, it's very important that you look like someone who might get hit in the face.
01:10:44.000As opposed to an actor who knows where the camera is.
01:10:46.000Yeah, an actor who knows where the camera is and knows how to throw the punches together.
01:10:50.000But it's unrealistic because the guy's not hitting you back.
01:13:24.000The first guy he fought was undefeated.
01:13:27.000He fights him, and then he fights another guy who had beaten him, and then he goes to the finals and fights arguably the best middleweight in the world.
01:14:15.000I made friends with the wrong gang, and they showed up at my show, and they just would get on stage and show their dicks, and it was fucking chaos.
01:14:52.000Everything was up and up, and all this was set on radio, and so I just started doing shots with them in tequila, and the radio, and with DJ Laz, and then I invited them to the show that night, and then halfway through, the song they were singing was, I'm a zo, I'm a zo, I'm a zo for life,
01:15:43.000Yeah, it was so, and then everyone came to my show that night, and I had to drink tequila on stage, and then next day a bunch of gang members came on stage, showed their dicks, and It's fucking chaos, but...
01:17:05.000I'd argue to say this, that you'd probably hand it up very differently, but you're a very different guy than, say, like, me or Bobby Kelly.
01:17:10.000But, like, I feel like there's a New York vibe, and I just know how to deal with that bad element where they're not getting kicked out.
01:17:19.000So I would just ask them questions that I already had the answers to that were set up to my jokes or bits I could get into, and then they've—it went fine.
01:17:40.000I've dealt with a number of hecklers, and...
01:17:44.000I feel like starting in New York, it's easy.
01:17:47.000It's not easy, but you just know how to fucking shut it down.
01:17:50.000Well, you get used to being fucked with.
01:17:52.000We were talking about that yesterday, Brendan Schaub and Brian Callen and I, about actors, like some actors who take themselves super fucking seriously.
01:18:00.000You can't joke around with them at all.
01:19:17.000Well, you should just, as a craftsman, not snap on them immediately anyway, unless it's the funny thing to do, and you've got to know when it is.
01:19:38.000And it has to be that what you're doing is you're putting on an improvised performance dealing with these variables, these people in the audience.
01:19:44.000And if you can do that, you can manage that, you can make a crazy situation become fun.
01:20:46.000It's just a small that small percentage gets to the news And so you look at the news like the world's overrun with cunts, but it's it's not it's not It's just that's what they're showing you like that's what's in front of you If you look at how many goddamn comedy shows that go on the great majority of people are fucking amazing Yeah,
01:21:05.000It's just a very few people heckle one out of three hundred maybe one out of six hundred I like the thing that drives me more nuts than heckling is those people who talk to other people about something.
01:21:16.000That's what drives me nuts is a table of eight where a guy's talking across the table and you see them leaning forward and going like, hey, I don't mind heckling.
01:21:24.000I feel like that's the way my black friend was saying that racism is.
01:21:27.000I'd rather know you're fucking racist and know where I lay than have you do it behind my back.
01:22:26.000And it always winds up being these people are way less clever than they think they are.
01:22:31.000They think they're going to get you, and it's almost like when someone throws a haymaker at you, and you just get out of the way of it, you're like, what?
01:23:26.000If they actually got out there, they would shit their pants and realize, like, oh, this is a moving target that's better at this than me, and they're moving faster than I can move.
01:23:47.000When people are watching shit, their ridiculous confidence plus boos, they get this ridiculous...
01:23:54.000Stupid distorted idea of who they are in the greater spectrum thing They think they're better at something than you without even ever doing it which is hilarious It's amazing how fast a real-life punch like how you're right you can kind of do it's almost like the dance move in your head versus the dance move you really do like I've only ducked one punch and I fucking when I did I cracked my nose on my knee because I ducked way too fucking hard.
01:24:18.000I just went whack and fucking was like holy shit, but that's the reality of it is you go I know what to do, but I just have never done the dance myself Well, that's what that Daniel Day-Lewis guy did It's a reason why he looks so good as a boxer as he was out there moving with real boxers getting hit ducking bobbing and weaving So that when he was in there,
01:24:38.000he had a realistic sense of the movements that you would actually be performing while you're fighting.
01:24:43.000As opposed to, like, a lot of guys is like, yeah, and then I'm going to hit him with this punch, and he's going to go falling back, and then I'm going to hit him with a one-two, and your face is wide open, you're not bobbing, you're not weaving.
01:24:53.000You know, the unrealistic sense of competence without experience is the sign of a fucking idiot.
01:25:00.000And that's a really common thing, especially with men.
01:25:03.000Men with testosterone and alcohol combined with very few real live experiences as far as really having to pull yourself up, really having to dig down deep and find out what your character's all about.
01:25:18.000There's a lot of guys going through life that never find out who the fuck they really are when the going gets rough.
01:26:58.000But just when I saw him in that movie, I thought he was a great actor in it.
01:27:00.000But when we did stand-up, I thought he was doing a version of someone else that people thought he would be doing, as opposed to Seth Rogen, the movies I watch.
01:27:07.000The movies I watch, when I watch him be funny, that is not him being funny.
01:27:11.000Like, that's not the translation of that.
01:28:44.000But I think he was doing comedy in a movie.
01:28:46.000Again, he's probably not doing stand-up right now.
01:28:48.000I think he did a little bit for that movie to prepare for it, but he's not doing it enough to where he's got like 20 killer minutes that he could do in the movie, and they can use that.
01:29:16.000Like, there's a lot of people that write for sitcoms that have never done stand-up and never performed, and they have some ideas of what they think will be funny in a scene, and occasionally they write...
01:29:27.000Occasionally they're right, but they're wrong almost as much as they're right, you know, unless they're really good writers, you know, on a really good show where they've got a tremendous amount of experience, they've got a good feel of the dynamic of these situations and what's going to be funny about the pause and what's going to be funny about this line in response to the pause,
01:34:17.000He's like, you know, Jimmy James the boss is like this slick-talking guy, and you know, who's kind of like, not dumb, but not really interested.
01:34:25.000Like, he was, dude, that show was, I mean, that show was, honestly, and I know you guys always teetered on whether or not you're going to get renewed, that show was one of my favorite shows I've ever seen ever on television.
01:36:54.000So he starts kicking at this car, and he breaks the windows, and he breaks the side mirror off, and he just fucking picks up something and smashes it against his car.
01:38:11.000We were on television, and it was really hard for people to just enjoy the moment of being on television.
01:38:15.000There was a lot of conversations we had on the show where a balanced perspective was required because they would be like, I can't believe this show is after Friends, this is bullshit, that show fucking sucks, and why are they after Seinfeld?
01:38:28.000That show fucking sucks, and why can't we be on Thursday nights?
01:39:41.000You were saying that I said Phil Hartman's so talented and he was taken away so quick that you didn't know you were getting to work with a guy that's a legend at the end of his life.
01:42:13.000Yeah, we lost so many in our fraternity that at one point the therapist came and was like, you guys may not be being good friends to each other.
01:43:27.000He was a writer on news radio and he wrote this thing.
01:43:30.000If you've ever seen that video of me, it was like the VH1 Fashion Awards from 1997. I played this crazy photographer that didn't know anything about photography.
01:43:38.000I was just in photography to get laid.
01:44:13.000Well, I don't know where he started, but I met him in Boston way back in the day.
01:44:19.000He might have been from Texas originally.
01:44:23.000When I was in 1988, when I was starting out, he was in Boston.
01:44:26.000He was doing stand-up there, and he was more established than me.
01:44:29.000He was like a couple years ahead of me.
01:44:31.000And somewhere along the line, he stopped doing stand-up, and he had a family and the whole deal, and one day, I don't know what happened, man.
01:44:49.000Because I'd been over their house, and they had a party, and I got to meet everybody, and it was fun, and it was...
01:44:55.000Harlan Williams was there, so I associated that party, and being over their house was like, it's fun...
01:45:00.000Friendly time and just to think that that guy could go from that moment where we're drinking wine and everyone's laughing and, you know, it's having good times and good friends and then so dark that he wants to end it.
01:45:55.000He thinks a lot of it might have had to do with him taking Propecia.
01:45:59.000In some people, Propecia causes depression.
01:46:03.000Because Propecia, if you read the literature on what it does, it inhibits dihydrotestosterone, which is DHT, which is an essential part of being a human being.
01:46:16.000But that DHT is what causes your hair to fall out.
01:46:19.000And it affects people in different ways.
01:47:30.000But for whatever reason, it wasn't approved by the FDA. Yeah.
01:47:35.000And so the FDA came along and they shut them down, but like I knew a bunch of dudes that were taking this stuff, it had retin-A in it, make your hair red, like your scalp red if you spray too much of it in, but the effect was pretty dramatic, like it really kept all of your hair.
01:47:50.000And when that stuff went away, I took a hit.
01:47:52.000When I got off the You can see like if you watch like episodes of the UFC you could see like we start seeing hair like light through my hair It's like it's going baby and then finally I had to let it go, but I should have let it go a long time ago I love having a shaved head.
01:48:10.000I wish I could get there You can do it right now.
01:48:35.000Because I'm 42. I should arguably be bald as fuck right now.
01:48:39.000I've been holding on his hair just with Rogaine since I was 22. I said this weekend, tell me if you agree with this, and it's a little bit of a stretch of a thought.
01:48:48.000Men who lose their hair at a young age, they start losing your hair.
01:48:52.000That is the first signpost for mortality in a person.
01:48:56.000Like, you witness your mortality at a young age when you realize, fuck, I'm actually losing my hair.
01:50:39.000And then you're going down the street to the guy who's a soap opera Fabio-looking motherfucker with the long hair, like, this guy's got all the fucking cards!
01:50:50.000It's amazing how you see that in people sometimes.
01:50:52.000You go, God, that guy's got fucking everything, and then you realize they got fucking nothing.
01:50:55.000Well, it's not true though, you know, it's like the thing about human beings is like what what what are you?
01:51:01.000You're not just how you look The problem is with a lot of people you gauge how you look based on how sexually desirable you are That's that's the real issue with people you see it with a lot of people as they get older They start freaking out and there's fucking photos of Mickey Rourke now Mickey Rourke was at the UFC this weekend.
01:52:36.000There's a lot of guys in China that they feel like they can't get a woman because they're below five feet tall, and so they're slowly but surely stretching the fucking bones of their legs out.
01:52:45.000They have these bolts that are attached to their bone, and they crank it, and they saw it, and they slowly separate it.
01:52:53.000So it grows a little bit, and then they separate it more, and it grows a little bit, and they separate it more, and the bone keeps filling in.
01:53:38.000So you're losing resources in your 90-whatever-the-fuck-it-is-year ride on this globe.
01:53:44.000You have a 90-year ride, allegedly, and also the bleeper of Kreischer, where you just die and you keep going and everybody else thinks you're dead, but you're on another plane of existence.
01:54:17.000Yeah, and I saw it and I thought I saw the thing and it looked like a shirt of yours So I tweeted it.
01:54:22.000That's that's crazy, man They found this hidden city in Honduras that was legendary up until recently and they haven't even disclosed its origin But they brought back artifacts like this motherfucker is real like we found a hidden city in Honduras From a long time ago where it's gone.
01:54:40.000There's nothing but relics and shit I just think that's so fucking cool.
01:54:46.000It's so cool that they keep finding shit like that in the Amazon, too.
01:54:50.000They have these, like, satellite images, and they go, wait, what is that?
01:58:59.000What's weird about the dress is that people were saying it's blue and black and I put it in the Photoshop.
01:59:05.000I mean, I spent like three hours on this.
01:59:06.000Me and Asa Akira were going back and forth like we're going to start our own communion somewhere and don't trust blue and black people and stuff.
02:00:17.000Well, it's not white, because if you look at the white beside it, the reason why you can make out the outline is because beside it is an absence of light, which we think of as white.
02:00:24.000No, no, but if you look at that, you would say, hey, that's a white and gold dress, but in a shadow or something, like kind of a light.
02:00:30.000No, I would say it's a light blue and almost like a brownish goldish.
02:01:18.000This is a goofy argument because the contrast is very different.
02:01:21.000Like, what you're looking at there, the contrast between that color and the white behind it is very different than what you're looking at there.
02:01:29.000This is a different image, and because it's a different image shot in different light, you have a different perspective.
02:01:35.000No, what I'm saying is, though, there's two different ways people are seeing it.
02:02:48.000I see, I thought you were talking about, never mind, I was on the, I think socially I see things that other people don't see.
02:02:54.000Like I saw today, I was jogging in the park next to our house, and these two girls, a cop pulls up in the middle of the park, pulls these two girls that are sitting, the young ladies that are sitting on a park bench, We're good to go.
02:03:27.000I saw that as someone needs to step in and fix these girls.
02:03:29.000Because if they've gotten handcuffed and thrown in the back of the car, and they're not crying, then there's something wrong with this picture.
02:03:56.000I was like, no, these little girls have a problem.
02:03:59.000But that's so interesting, the way you see social...
02:04:02.000Like, social things you'll see differently, too, and I don't know if it has to do with the way you're brought up or the things that have gone through your life, but the black and blue dress, you know.
02:04:11.000Here's an interesting way to show that we're all looking at the dress the wrong way.
02:04:15.000If you take the picture of the dress on your laptop, go into your preferences, and invert your screen, so what it does is it reverses the colors.
02:04:24.000It stays exactly the same if you see it white and gold.
02:04:27.000It's not supposed to stay the same, obviously.
02:04:28.000It's supposed to change to a different color.
02:04:34.000I made a video, if you look on my Instagram, where I show it, where I reverse my colors on my computer, and it stays exactly the same if you go to Instagram.com slash redband.
02:04:52.000But there's some dudes that are into, like, really weird chicks, you know, and you go, what is that guy seeing?
02:04:57.000My overall three on this whole thing, though, is that time travel was created that day because that day started off the llamas, the black and white llama, Do you remember that?
02:06:46.000This is my opinion, I suppose I would say.
02:06:48.000What is happening here is I know this is a black and blue dress.
02:06:53.000And when I'm seeing it, I'm going to go ahead and say, yeah, I know that there's also light here affecting the way I'm seeing the black and blue dress.
02:07:01.000And it's making other people see gold.
02:07:05.000All right, this is the video I'm talking about.
02:07:56.000I understand what as it moves away and absorbs lights and reflects light, but what I'm confused at is that when I see that one picture, you see it differently.
02:08:05.000If we had changed sides, Jamie, and the lighting was different, would I see it the same way Joe sees it?
02:08:10.000No, because you're looking at an image.
02:08:11.000So it's just our cones are shaped differently, so I pick up different amount of light than you do.
02:08:16.000So what were you seeing when that thing started out?
02:08:33.000This is a way more radical change than the other one.
02:08:36.000The other one, that other image was like, I mean, I kind of see, it's like a very light, like, we've all taken pictures before with, like, weird lighting on a digital camera, and you're like, oh, this is weird.
02:08:47.000This doesn't look like what it really looked like in real life.
02:08:49.000Because the colors are all off, for whatever reason.
02:08:52.000Something's too bright, like a flash is too strong.
02:08:54.000Before you play this, let me explain something real quick.
02:08:56.000This is where I actually take this into Photoshop, and I use this thing called a color picker, where it picks the color and it shows you what the color is.
02:09:04.000So what I was clicking on, which looked to me immediately gold or yellow, it was doing brown, dark brown, almost black.
02:09:12.000And then when I did it to what I thought was white, it was doing it to a blue.
02:09:16.000So then I decided to reverse, invert all the screens of the colors and watch how the pictures stay exactly the same.
02:09:24.000I don't disagree with what you're saying here, but it's also a JPEG, and there's not all the data in there.
02:10:38.000But if you look at it in a more blurry way, like that image behind you, here's what's interesting, that image behind you on this different television, look behind you over your left shoulder, that looks different than that.
02:11:42.000I don't want to stop it because it's interesting.
02:11:43.000Because what you're saying, I think, is important because you understand it from the point of view of someone who understands perspective and photography.
02:11:51.000I've seen this happen multiple times, the photos I've taken.
02:16:49.000He had a show about these llamas going with them out and they're getting an elk and packing it into the back of these fucking llamas and traveling out of the woods with them.
02:18:03.000I think he just does it to film it, but the llama is just like breaking shit, going through his cupboards and throwing things, and it's just like hilarious.
02:18:27.000And it makes you realize, like, we're so vulnerable when it comes to the environment that we kind of, like, think of all animals as, even though we know that other animals are more hearty than us, we just don't understand, like, how could they survive this environment?
02:19:26.000And everybody's like raising everybody because you're just trying to keep away from jaguars and fucking leopards and shit and whatever the hell else is trying to eat you.
02:19:34.000So that's what we were forever until we slowly but surely figured out weapons.
02:19:40.000As soon as we could think, we could fucking hole up, build something, nothing can get in, and go, okay, how do you want to deal with these motherfuckers?
02:19:47.000Dude, I've been thinking, you know how, like, you pull a stick, and it kind of, like, goes back to the original shape?
02:19:52.000If I tie a fucking string on that bench, and then have some shit with, like, a long pointy thing that's sharp in the end, I think it can fly!
02:19:59.000I think I'm going to shoot it right at these fucking crazy bears that are eating our babies, and we're going to figure out how to dominate these woods.
02:20:05.000And the next thing you know, they started killing things, and they started using fire.
02:20:09.000They figured out how to knock rocks together to create sparks, and the embers...
02:20:13.000They would blow on it with dried moss and shit that they had saved for this occasion.
02:20:19.000They get that little amber crackling, and they stack wood upon it, and that keeps the animals away from them.
02:20:24.000The animals can't believe they can control the fire.
02:20:26.000These motherfuckers have fire in their hands.
02:20:28.000And they slowly figured out how to stockpile food.
02:20:31.000They slowly figured out how to make walls.
02:20:42.000Do you think when people were getting eaten and they were a community, do you think community was tighter?
02:20:46.000Or do you think there were people that talked shit behind people's backs?
02:20:49.000They think that gossipy shit like really like gossipy type like the way people do it today and the way people are especially into celebrity gossip.
02:20:58.000There's one theory that I found really fascinating was that they think that it has something to do with a lack of community.
02:21:03.000Like someone was talking about They were talking about communities bonding together against an enemy, which is what cities used to be.
02:21:54.000No, because it's always gonna be somebody who doesn't realize that lion can fucking kill you, and they'll be really mad if you kill the lion, you know?
02:22:01.000And there's people that, like, they really do choose animals over people, and animals welfare over people.
02:22:08.000And, like, what we were saying before about people working hard to keep the tigers alive, like, I get it.
02:23:44.000But, like, the lion was ten feet from us.
02:23:46.000I mean, from me to that wall right there, and I just looked at it, and it looks at you, just like a cat just looks at you, flaps its tail, flaps its tail...
02:26:16.000We did this thing called the Ring of Circle, or the Tunnel of Death, where they stand the lions up, four lions, and they hang over, and they roar at you as you walk through them.
02:27:46.000That's what scared me the most about reality-driven host reality shows.
02:27:53.000We had actually shot for about another hour of me in the barrel, and the bull hitting the barrel, because this is back when you had to make TV that was eight minutes.
02:28:04.000You had to do an eight-minute segment or a five-minute segment, so they didn't feel like they had it in just this shot.
02:28:08.000What kind of fucking producers do you have, man?
02:28:25.000That was probably the scariest thing I've done to date.
02:28:29.000Having said that, obviously jumping out of a plane with Rachael Ray was terrifying.
02:28:32.000Being the first guy to jump off a stratosphere was pretty insane.
02:28:34.000A lot of these rope swings that I'm doing these days, I showed you the one in Durban, but we did one in Switzerland that was like fucking next level terrifying.
02:28:42.000Bulls are fucking horrifying when you're right next to them.
02:29:04.000But there was this fight-or-flight survival instinct where I was...
02:29:10.000I mean, my foot was broken and my ribs were broken.
02:29:13.000And automatically I just get up, like, I remember the first words I said were, how do I get out of here?
02:29:17.000But it's not like, there's no TV in my head, I'm just like, how the fuck do I get out of here?
02:29:21.000And they told me the number one thing, they said, do not go to the walls of the ring, because if he pins you in between there, he won't let go, and that'll kill you.
02:30:00.000And everyone that works on TripFlip and Birth to Conqueror, they all know that I'm like, I feel like you may fuck with my safety to get the shot.
02:30:10.000Sometimes when I say this, and I know maybe you've listened to this and you've been a part of this, but there are guys that know me if they see me and we're shooting and they recognize this podcast.
02:30:19.000The problem sometimes is you go into a place where you go like, we're going to go redneck muddin'.
02:30:24.000And we got a guy, we got a truck, we're going to interview him on TV, and then we're going to get in his truck and he's going to take us for a ride.
02:30:30.000Well, sometimes it's not always across the board that you can't drink in those trucks.
02:30:34.000And a lot of times the guys are drinking.
02:30:36.000And the other thing that is kind of fucked up is...
02:30:40.000I don't want to paint it off that all these red mud things are, but often they don't really care.
02:30:45.000And the other thing is, is that for TV, that one guy who has been drinking, whose name's like Bubba, he wants to, you gotta show the Hollywood boy what we do down here in Alabama.
02:30:56.000And I'm not saying Alabama's the place that we did this.
02:31:30.000And so that happens a lot of times as you go to these fucking tracks or these like, you know, like we were in a top fuel dragster, 130 miles an hour in three seconds.
02:32:15.000Well, that sounds really fucking dangerous.
02:32:17.000There's a lot of things, but it's all, I mean, you know, everything with trip flip that we've ever done has always been gauged in safety.
02:32:24.000But that's because I'm an executive producer and I'm, fuck, everyone knows I'm a pussy.
02:32:27.000But isn't it fascinating, dude, that you have these like really contradictory feelings?
02:32:32.000Like you're terrified of shit, but your job, like a big part of your job entails you putting yourself in tremendous danger for no reason whatsoever.
02:32:41.000Yeah, I think about that all the time.
02:32:43.000I wonder what the fuck's wrong with me.
02:32:45.000I think you're trying to exercise it out of your system or something.
02:32:55.000In a moment of panic, in a real honest panic, it's beautiful because life's never been more defined in what you want and what you don't want.
02:33:04.000And I fucking was like, I want nothing at the bottom of this ocean.
02:35:45.000We're trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because all the years of loneliness and madness alone, beating off on the moon, he didn't understand how inappropriate it was in our culture.
02:35:53.000We cannot expect him, the crazy man on the moon, to have our ethics and our...
02:36:11.000But if that guy is just jerking off in the nurse's face on the moon, it was just him and the nurse on the moon, and you see him, and he's holding her down, jerking off in her face, like, what the fuck is going on on the moon?
02:38:53.000Well, I feel like it's like, I'm getting my, like, it's either going, hey, I'm ready to give you, uh, you're gonna go on the electric chair, like, you're gonna go on an electric chair, or we're leaving that prison door open.
02:39:04.000No, Brian, there's no prison door open.
02:42:18.000She's had both her ACLs done twice, and she's had her kneecaps put back in place because she had degenerative kneecaps.
02:42:25.000And the one leg, her right leg, just never really healed.
02:42:29.000So we went in, and we went to therapy, and they're like, look, There's no cartilage in there.
02:42:34.000The only thing that's possible is a knee replacement or we cut the leg off or we just leave it and she drags it and And I was just in the place where I was like I was like I already paid so much fucking money for this dog Get the fucking new knee.
02:42:47.000And they're getting a knee replacement.
02:42:49.000Do they think there's any like Light on the horizon?
02:42:53.000It's like an 80% chance that it's going to be fine.
02:42:56.000I think they put that out of all the cases of knee replacements, but it's only been around for a couple years.
02:43:01.000So they're getting better at it, obviously.
02:43:03.000But just to be able to give this dog an opportunity to run and chase, play, and just play, other than sit on the couch and come up and get love.
02:43:11.000I mean, it gets love all the time, but...
02:43:14.000Yeah, I've seen those ones that are doing for people now.
02:43:17.000They showed there was an animated version of the operation online where they do a full knee replacement.
02:43:34.000New piece of equipment that's like on a groove and socket sort of set up and you're watching this whole thing that screws into place and like...
02:44:08.000And he has a very extreme case of arthritis, where he's, I guess it's called rheumatoid arthritis, but very extreme, where his hands and his knees, and like, he's always in agony.
02:44:18.000And I know he's had some, I think he's had some...
02:44:20.000He just got new knees or something like that.
02:44:22.000I believe Russell Peters bought it for him.
02:44:45.000Like, there's got to be a way to improve that.
02:44:49.000That's the beautiful thing about medical science is that they look at a situation like that and they slowly but surely chip away at all the different ways to fix the problem.
02:45:00.000Like, every day they're coming up with all these new methods for dealing with things that were almost insurmountable just a little while ago.
02:45:08.000Like they got this doctor in Germany that's replacing people's discs now.
02:45:12.000Like I've heard of quite a few people going there.
02:45:15.000And I talked to a doctor about it and he explained to me that there's certain artificial discs that they've created in Germany.
02:45:24.000That, you know, for people that have neck injuries or back injuries, a lot of times they get their discs fused.
02:45:30.000And what that means is they take your two bones of your disc, they remove all the gel that separates them, they cut it all away, and they put the two bones together and they screw them into each other.
02:45:41.000So now you only have the degeneration of the disc above it and the disc below it.
02:45:45.000You have one giant fat disc that doesn't move that well.
02:45:49.000So you just can't go like all the way back.
02:45:57.000And so then they came out with these spacers.
02:46:00.000They had these spacers that they used in replacement of a disc.
02:46:03.000I believe that that's what the operation they did to Tito Ortiz, and they explained it on the UFC. They showed, like, the doctor came and showed this spacer, this plastic spacer.
02:46:11.000But what they figured out now in Germany is like this articulating, sort of moving joint, almost.
02:46:18.000And they're putting it in people's necks.
02:46:20.000I know Braulio Estima got one of those.
02:46:23.000I don't know if the same thing, but he's a world-famous jiu-jitsu champion.
02:46:26.000Who had a significant neck injury and he had his disc replaced with an artificial disc and talked about it and how much of a benefit it was to him.
02:46:35.000So these guys are getting these discs like where they were like really fucked up before and this one guy's a skier and he was fucked up before and he's had like two or three discs replaced with these artificial discs and now he's like skiing again.
02:47:42.000Those guys that ride those bulls all the time, those guys that, I mean, people that are rodeo clowns, like, there's some hard work out there.
02:47:55.000I mean, I guess I do do it a little bit, but...
02:47:57.000Dude, I've seen stuntmen do ridiculous shit in movies.
02:48:00.000You watch, like, some of those making-of movies, and you see, like, car accidents these stuntmen have to do, or motorcycle wrecks, they have to lay down bikes, and, like...
02:48:12.000Lay down bikes is the scary one because you don't know what's gonna happen with it.
02:48:15.000Like, we've done spin-outs in cars where we've had cars come and hit us and spin us out, but ultimately you know it's not gonna flip.
02:48:22.000Laying down a bike, I saw one in Anchorman the other day, Jack Black was supposed to do it, but the bike fucking caught and started flipping crazy.
02:48:29.000I went, dude, I bet that was one fucking stuntman who lost his shit.
02:48:32.000Yeah, if he didn't lose his shit, he's a better man than I. Yeah.
02:48:36.000Somebody died in a Steven Seagal movie.
02:48:38.000A guy was making a Steven Seagal movie and died in some sort of a wreck.
02:48:42.000Can you imagine if he died for one of those straight-to-DVD, shitty-the-end ones?