The Joe Rogan Experience - March 17, 2015


Joe Rogan Experience #626 - Trevor Moore


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 59 minutes

Words per Minute

195.78801

Word Count

35,157

Sentence Count

3,458

Misogynist Sentences

80


Summary

Trevor Moore is a standup comic, writer, podcaster, and podcaster. He also happens to be an avid e-cigarette user. We talk about what it's like to be a podcaster and an e-cigarette user, and what it s like to live in a world where e-cigarettes are legal and widely available. We also talk about the dangers of smoking on a plane, and how to deal with it if you don't know how to light a cigarette. And we talk about some of the weirdest things Trevor has been sent by other people, and the weird things they've been sent to him. This episode is sponsored by Vevolution, a company that makes electronic cigarettes and other tobacco products. To find a list of our sponsors and show-related promo codes, go to gimlet.fm/sponsorships and enter the promo code: "sponsors" at checkout to receive 10% off your first pack of your favorite flavor. Thanks to all the sponsors and supporters. Thank you so much to our sponsor, Vevolutions. We appreciate all the support we get from you, our listeners, our sponsors, and all the people who make this podcast possible. We hope you enjoy this episode, and keep coming back for more episodes like this one! in the future, we'll be looking out for new sponsorships, too! and we'll send you in the next episode of the podcast, and we're looking forward to hearing from you! xoxo, Caitlyn and Jaims. ( ) (Music: "The Good Morning America" (featuring: The Good Morning Man) (The Good Life Podcast) Music: Good Morning, Good Life (Good Morning Man (feat. Good Day Man) (Goodbye, Caitlin and Good Life, Bad Life, Good Day, Bad Day, Goodbye, Badbye, and Goodbye, Goodbye, Bye Bye, Bye, Good Luck, ) (Solo) (Feat. ) (Shout Outro Music: Mr. (Mr. John) ) & Mr. John and Mr. Good Morning (Good Day, Mr. ) (Good Luck, Good Work, Good Night, Good Will, Good Love, Good Nights, Good Blessings, Goodbye) (Praying, Good Rest, Good Evening, Good Dreams, Good Morning and Good Night & Good Life)


Transcript

00:00:16.000 Trevor Moore, ladies and gentlemen.
00:00:18.000 Trevor walked in.
00:00:18.000 The first thing he said is, I have one of these electronic cigarettes.
00:00:22.000 Do you mind if I take a hit off of it?
00:00:24.000 And just synchronicity, it was just when Jamie put together this thing that this dude sent me that you could kind of lift weights with.
00:00:32.000 That's insane.
00:00:33.000 You could fucking kill somebody with this, for sure.
00:00:35.000 Because it's like, it's very heavy and there's all these sharp edges for the folks at home that are not watching, they're just listening.
00:00:43.000 This is so unnecessary.
00:00:44.000 It must weigh, I would say, a pound?
00:00:48.000 Maybe two?
00:00:49.000 Two pounds, maybe?
00:00:50.000 You need like a briefcase for it.
00:00:52.000 How much would you say that weighs, if you had a guess?
00:00:54.000 Like a pound, maybe?
00:00:55.000 Yeah.
00:00:55.000 More than that, I would feel like.
00:00:57.000 Yeah, maybe two pounds.
00:00:58.000 Yeah.
00:00:58.000 This is the heaviest one of these I've ever seen.
00:01:00.000 So fucking stupid.
00:01:02.000 And so you take, it's tobacco, and you press the button, the bottom has a button, and you take a, it doesn't even look like you're supposed to be sucking on that thing.
00:01:13.000 It looks like an exhaust for a very small car.
00:01:17.000 I mean, it might as well have, like, if it's gonna be like that, it might as well have, like, a brass knuckles component.
00:01:22.000 Yeah, that's right!
00:01:23.000 So it could be, like, a self-defense weapon.
00:01:25.000 Yeah, like a keyring and, you know, like, right.
00:01:28.000 Try getting on that on a fucking plane.
00:01:30.000 Like, try telling the people on the plane, ew, this is my vape.
00:01:33.000 I'm a part of vape culture, and, uh, I like vaping, so I'm vaping this on a plane.
00:01:39.000 Um, a dude came up to me at the improv and was talking to me.
00:01:43.000 He had one of those.
00:01:43.000 Yours sounds cool.
00:01:45.000 Yours has a weird tone to it.
00:01:48.000 Yeah, Jamie said it sounded like Darth Vader's voice.
00:01:51.000 It's Darth Vader whispering.
00:01:53.000 It's a quiet Darth Vader.
00:01:54.000 This doesn't really have much of a noise.
00:01:57.000 Play mine here.
00:02:01.000 Mine is just the sound of breathing.
00:02:05.000 And then a giant puff of smoke.
00:02:06.000 Yours doesn't have as much smoke either.
00:02:08.000 No.
00:02:08.000 I think my coils are bad.
00:02:10.000 I've got to redo the coils.
00:02:12.000 Fucking bad coils, man.
00:02:13.000 You know, this started off with those little fake cigarette jammies.
00:02:17.000 Yeah.
00:02:18.000 Like those blue cigarettes.
00:02:19.000 Well, I've been doing this since 2007. You early adopter.
00:02:22.000 I know.
00:02:23.000 Like, well, if they find out that something's wrong with these, I'm like, toast.
00:02:27.000 Like, you know, because it takes like 20 years to actually figure out if something's wrong with something.
00:02:30.000 Right, where they go, hey, um, whoa, this is...
00:02:32.000 Stop!
00:02:33.000 Yeah.
00:02:34.000 Everybody, hold on.
00:02:36.000 But when I started, you had to get them from England.
00:02:39.000 Really?
00:02:39.000 Yeah, you would order it.
00:02:40.000 My friend was a comic who was like, you know, I was smoking too much, and he was like, I just quit, I started doing this stuff, and you order it from England, and they would send it in vials of the nicotine liquid, and they had all these gloves that would come with it, and it would say,
00:02:56.000 they had this book that was like, if you get this on your hands, and it absorbs in, it can give you a heart attack.
00:03:02.000 Fuck, man!
00:03:03.000 So, yeah, I don't know if they were just being, like, you know, overcautious or whatever, but I was like, you know, every time I had to fill it, I was in the bathroom, like, making sure there was people in my house, like, alright, if I get this on my hands, run me to the hospital or something.
00:03:14.000 That's so ridiculous!
00:03:16.000 That's so ridiculous.
00:03:17.000 If you get it on your hand...
00:03:18.000 You'll die.
00:03:19.000 Well, how potent could that be?
00:03:21.000 I don't know.
00:03:22.000 This stuff, the guy sent me little bottles of this jazz.
00:03:27.000 This one says, strawberry custard?
00:03:30.000 Yeah, that's the thing now.
00:03:32.000 It's all like, it's all fruit flavors.
00:03:34.000 Like, I do the, like, pipe tobacco flavored.
00:03:37.000 It might say strawberry custom.
00:03:39.000 This is a shitty handwriting.
00:03:41.000 You're smoking on, uh, Crunchberry.
00:03:43.000 Crunchberry?
00:03:44.000 Yeah.
00:03:44.000 Like, what does that say?
00:03:45.000 Does that say custom or custard?
00:03:47.000 Custard.
00:03:47.000 Custard.
00:03:48.000 Yeah.
00:03:48.000 Shitty handwriting.
00:03:50.000 Strawberry custard.
00:03:51.000 You should think someone would print that out.
00:03:53.000 This is like the beta.
00:03:54.000 This is the test.
00:03:55.000 Yeah, I'm not sure about this.
00:03:56.000 Well, I like puffing on those little blue cigarettes before I do stand-up.
00:04:02.000 Because I feel like it gives you...
00:04:04.000 Because I know nicotine...
00:04:05.000 It's one of the things I read in Stephen King's book...
00:04:08.000 On writing.
00:04:10.000 It's a great book.
00:04:11.000 Have you ever read it?
00:04:11.000 No.
00:04:12.000 It's Stephen King's sort of like, I think he calls it a memoir of the craft or something along those lines.
00:04:18.000 But it's basically like talking all about his writing habits and just the discipline of writing.
00:04:23.000 You know what what you should and shouldn't do and you know how he Started out writing and it's really really inspiring a great book But one of the things in the book he talks about cigarettes and he just thought when he's quit smoking cigarettes It had a an adverse effect on his writing.
00:04:38.000 Yeah, like you felt like a synapses didn't fire up as well And I thought that was really interesting So I started reading up on nicotine and nicotine's effect on the brain and it's kind of a bit of a cognitive enhancer You know, it's a bit of a stimulant Well, yeah, and it's one of the things, like, one of the good things about nicotine that they don't really talk about that much is that they think that it staves off Alzheimer's.
00:04:59.000 That's crazy.
00:05:00.000 It's like, or there's some sort of correlation between smoking and less likely to get Alzheimer's.
00:05:05.000 Maybe the cancer is doing battle with the Alzheimer's.
00:05:08.000 Cancer kills you first, so they go to war, and then your body survives because it's a battlefield.
00:05:14.000 Or that could be everyone dies before the age where you usually get Alzheimer's.
00:05:17.000 Well, have you heard of that?
00:05:18.000 They're doing things like they're shooting HIV into cancer and it's killing cancer.
00:05:23.000 Oh, really?
00:05:23.000 Yeah, there's all these weird, bizarre studies that they're doing now, or tests, where they're injecting, like, tumors and different, you know, really fucked up parts of your body with other diseases.
00:05:35.000 And the other diseases are attacking the fucked up parts of your body.
00:05:39.000 But then do you have AIDS? Don't worry about AIDS. You've got cancer.
00:05:42.000 You're going to die of cancer.
00:05:42.000 People live with AIDS. Magic Johnson looks great.
00:05:46.000 It's not AIDS. It's HIV. HIV. But does that make you HIV positive?
00:05:50.000 I don't think so.
00:05:51.000 I think it's an inert form of HIV. Allegedly.
00:05:55.000 I don't know.
00:05:57.000 Some people don't.
00:05:58.000 I mean, if you're going to die of cancer, if you had a choice between pancreatic cancer or HIV, you should take HIV all day.
00:06:06.000 Right.
00:06:06.000 Because they got that thing pretty nailed down.
00:06:09.000 Like, I have a friend who I've known for maybe 20 years.
00:06:15.000 And he's been HIV positive for like most of that time.
00:06:19.000 And he's great.
00:06:19.000 He's fine.
00:06:20.000 He's fine.
00:06:21.000 He's normal.
00:06:22.000 I mean, you see him.
00:06:23.000 He's always laughing and there's nothing wrong with him.
00:06:25.000 It's weird.
00:06:26.000 When was the turn for that?
00:06:28.000 Was it like...
00:06:29.000 I don't know.
00:06:30.000 It's like last 10 years, right?
00:06:32.000 Where all of a sudden it's not as, not to say it's not as big of a deal, but like it's a...
00:06:36.000 Certainly less of a deal.
00:06:37.000 It's certainly less of a death sentence.
00:06:39.000 Yeah.
00:06:40.000 I don't think it's a death sentence at all anymore.
00:06:41.000 I mean, it's a testament to science.
00:06:43.000 These protease inhibitors and all these different things that they figured out how to stunt the progress of HIV. It's super controversial because there's been a lot of weird correlations between the crushing of the immune system.
00:06:59.000 Obviously, everyone's in agreement that HIV or most people are in agreement that HIV causes AIDS, but there's a bunch of people that say, well, it's that, maybe, but there's also this thing about partying.
00:07:10.000 That like in the gay community, especially, there's rampant drug abuse.
00:07:15.000 And for whatever reason, people don't want to factor that in.
00:07:19.000 And there was this guy that I had on the podcast that I think had a faulty connection.
00:07:26.000 And he's actually a biologist at the University of Berkeley, University of California, Berkeley.
00:07:32.000 His name is Peter Dewsburg.
00:07:33.000 And he's super controversial.
00:07:35.000 Because he doesn't believe that HIV causes AIDS. He thinks that AIDS is, you know, AIDS being immune deficiency syndrome, acquired immune, acquired immune deficiency syndrome.
00:07:47.000 And he believes that it is directly correlated with partying, directly correlated with use of crystal meth, with poppers, amyl nitrate, crushing the immune system.
00:08:00.000 No other scientists support him.
00:08:01.000 No credible scientists support him.
00:08:03.000 So we had him on the podcast.
00:08:04.000 He was pretty convincing to an idiot like me.
00:08:08.000 Zero medical or biological studying.
00:08:10.000 But the more I talk to people who understand...
00:08:13.000 No one wanted to debate him, which is really interesting.
00:08:15.000 But I think it's kind of like debating a Holocaust denier.
00:08:17.000 It's a controversial...
00:08:19.000 Yeah, you don't want to...
00:08:20.000 You don't even want to give him any credit.
00:08:22.000 So he's got tenure at University of California, Berkeley, but he can't get any funding anymore.
00:08:28.000 Nobody wants to have anything to do with him.
00:08:29.000 Apparently, he's done tremendous work with cancer, but because of this whole HIV-AIDS connection thing, he's kind of blackballed.
00:08:37.000 And I was in touch with a lot of scientists after this was over.
00:08:41.000 It was really interesting because people got really upset with that podcast, with him on that podcast, and then me giving him a platform.
00:08:49.000 And I'm like, look, man, the guy was in Spin Magazine.
00:08:52.000 He's written a bunch of articles about this.
00:08:55.000 I just wanted to hear what he had to say about it.
00:08:57.000 So having him on...
00:08:59.000 It was pretty interesting, but I don't think he's right, but I think he has a point in that it's got to have an adverse effect on your body.
00:09:06.000 And gay people like to party.
00:09:08.000 I mean, it's just a fact.
00:09:10.000 And crystal meth use and amyl nitrate use, those are devastating to your immune system.
00:09:16.000 So, if you've already got something going on...
00:09:18.000 You're more susceptible.
00:09:19.000 Yes.
00:09:20.000 Yeah.
00:09:20.000 But that doesn't, it doesn't get factored in very often.
00:09:23.000 And I think that's where Duesberg, because he kind of brings that up, I think, you know, it kind of gives, the whole thing is a little bit cloudy because of that.
00:09:34.000 And because it doesn't get factored in.
00:09:36.000 But that shit's super, super bad for your body.
00:09:39.000 HIV? No.
00:09:40.000 The partying.
00:09:41.000 The partying.
00:09:42.000 The poppers and crystal meth and all that shit.
00:09:46.000 It's just like, you know, gay people don't have kids.
00:09:48.000 Or if they do have kids, it's rare.
00:09:50.000 They're out there having a good fucking time.
00:09:52.000 Just doing meth and banging each other.
00:09:55.000 Getting sick.
00:09:57.000 I always, I love, like, I hang out on a couple of conspiracy theory boards, just because I'm, like, fascinated by it.
00:10:04.000 Like, I just, it's one of my favorite things in the world are these conspiracy theories.
00:10:07.000 Like, even ones I don't believe in, I just love them.
00:10:08.000 Like, my favorite one ever is, there's a whole bunch of people out there who actually think that Lady Gaga is JonBenet Ramsey.
00:10:16.000 Oh, good lord.
00:10:17.000 For real?
00:10:18.000 Yeah, there's a whole bunch of people that think that.
00:10:19.000 And so it's like those things where they put up the pictures where they show the eyes of the same distance across and that kind of thing.
00:10:26.000 But there's a whole group of people who don't think Magic Johnson ever had HIV. They think that it was almost a PR campaign to get awareness out.
00:10:39.000 Really?
00:10:40.000 Yeah.
00:10:41.000 I don't believe that, but it's a fascinating conspiracy theory where people are just like, it was a huge problem.
00:10:47.000 It was a problem in inner cities, and he was the biggest guy at the time.
00:10:52.000 He was kind of like this huge role model, and for somebody like him to come out and say, I have HIV, then it could be like a big kind of get awareness out kind of thing.
00:11:01.000 So he conspired?
00:11:03.000 I mean, why would he do that?
00:11:05.000 Yeah, but it's a conspiracy theory.
00:11:07.000 It's so ridiculous.
00:11:08.000 Well, he's one of the few guys that was reportedly heterosexual that got it.
00:11:13.000 You know, like, did you ever see Sam Kinison's bit?
00:11:16.000 Sam Kinison, you hear the crackle, ladies and gentlemen?
00:11:18.000 Going in.
00:11:19.000 I'll go in, too, in support.
00:11:21.000 Solidarity.
00:11:25.000 Oh yeah, synapses.
00:11:28.000 The, um, fuck, what was I saying?
00:11:31.000 Sam Kinison.
00:11:32.000 Sam Kinison.
00:11:32.000 Sam Kinison had a bit about it, you know, because he made fun of AIDS and they say, Sam, you know, AIDS is a communicable disease.
00:11:40.000 Heterosexuals die, too.
00:11:41.000 He goes, name one!
00:11:42.000 Name one fucking guy!
00:11:44.000 It's not our dance!
00:11:47.000 But really, there's not that many.
00:11:50.000 When I was a kid, and I heard about Magic Johnson getting HIV, I remember thinking, oh my god, everyone's going to have AIDS. And maybe a year or two later, I got health insurance And I had to get an AIDS test.
00:12:04.000 And I was fucking terrified.
00:12:06.000 Just thinking of all the drunken, poor choices with no condom.
00:12:11.000 And oh my goodness, it's going to happen.
00:12:12.000 I have AIDS! I'm only 25!
00:12:15.000 I have AIDS! Shit!
00:12:17.000 And then I didn't have AIDS. So I was super psyched.
00:12:20.000 But then I started looking into it.
00:12:21.000 It's almost like very, very few heterosexual people that aren't intravenous drug users that get AIDS. Yeah, I mean, I remember when I was a kid, they treated it like it was, you know, you have sex without a condom once you're going to get it.
00:12:38.000 It's going to happen.
00:12:38.000 It's just inevitable, you know, kind of thing.
00:12:41.000 And I think now they're kind of backing off that a little bit, where it's like, well, it's actually not.
00:12:46.000 I think it's way more easy for a woman, because obviously the woman takes sperm into her body, and her body absorbs it, or gay men, because in a gay man, even, you're taking it in your ass, and you're not supposed to have cum in your ass.
00:12:59.000 What's that?
00:13:00.000 It's on?
00:13:00.000 Oh, just sitting it down?
00:13:03.000 Oh.
00:13:06.000 This stupid fucking thing is so heavy.
00:13:08.000 There's probably a safety on it.
00:13:09.000 Mine has a safety on the bottom.
00:13:11.000 There's no safety on this piece of shit.
00:13:12.000 Oh my god, it's so hot!
00:13:15.000 Oh my god, if I lick that right now, if I tried to suck on it, it would probably burn...
00:13:19.000 I can't even set it down.
00:13:21.000 I gotta set it down sideways.
00:13:22.000 You can't set this...
00:13:23.000 For people at home that are listening, which is most people...
00:13:25.000 Let me see it.
00:13:26.000 You, um...
00:13:27.000 Yeah, the top of it is super hot.
00:13:29.000 See, there's a safety right here.
00:13:30.000 So you spin that down.
00:13:32.000 Oh, no, I'm taking it off.
00:13:33.000 That's a lot of safety?
00:13:34.000 That's a battery.
00:13:35.000 Well, mine has a...
00:13:36.000 Yours is better.
00:13:37.000 Mine has a thing where you...
00:13:37.000 Don't do it like that!
00:13:38.000 See, you're doing it again.
00:13:40.000 Smoke started coming out of the top.
00:13:43.000 This thing, I'm trying to describe it.
00:13:45.000 You know what it looks like?
00:13:46.000 It looks like a spaceship in a shitty 1990s sci-fi movie.
00:13:51.000 That's what it looks like.
00:13:52.000 That could be some sort of a spaceship.
00:13:54.000 Like, you know.
00:13:55.000 Yeah.
00:13:56.000 Fucking horrible.
00:13:59.000 AIDS. Where were we?
00:14:01.000 Conspiracy theories, AIDS. Yeah, I don't remember what it was.
00:14:06.000 I don't remember what we're talking about.
00:14:07.000 But the JonBenet thing is interesting.
00:14:09.000 When I was living in Colorado, I actually looked at her house, the house that she was killed in.
00:14:15.000 I didn't look at it in person, but it was for sale.
00:14:18.000 And I was like, wow, what a beautiful house.
00:14:20.000 It was pretty reasonable for what it is.
00:14:22.000 And they actually changed the street name.
00:14:25.000 They changed the street name or changed the address.
00:14:28.000 Right.
00:14:28.000 One of those.
00:14:29.000 And, like, to try to hide the fact that it was the house where JonBenet died.
00:14:33.000 But they have to disclose it, don't they?
00:14:35.000 They do have to disclose it, and that's the problem.
00:14:37.000 They can't fucking sell it.
00:14:38.000 Yeah, who's gonna buy that?
00:14:39.000 It's a beautiful house.
00:14:40.000 It's really nice.
00:14:41.000 And it's a nice area of Boulder, but nobody wants that fucking house.
00:14:45.000 No.
00:14:45.000 It was $10.
00:14:46.000 I wouldn't buy it.
00:14:48.000 I'd buy it for $10.
00:14:49.000 Would you live in it?
00:14:50.000 Would you sleep in it?
00:14:51.000 Just have raves.
00:14:52.000 For a show, for a TV show, like a ghost show.
00:14:55.000 It's fucked up, man.
00:14:56.000 That whole story.
00:14:57.000 I think that whole child pageant thing is one of the most fucked up things.
00:15:01.000 When you see little kids with high heels and makeup on, dressed up like they're trying to get laid.
00:15:07.000 It's just so crazy.
00:15:08.000 It's like, yeah, the worst parenting.
00:15:11.000 It's weird.
00:15:11.000 Weird, man.
00:15:12.000 We were in Dallas, and we were doing the improv, and the hotel that we were staying at was the exact same hotel where they were having one of these pageants.
00:15:20.000 And we, it was me and I think Duncan and Joey, and we were walking around the hotel going, what?
00:15:26.000 What the fuck is this?
00:15:28.000 It was all little tiny kids, like five.
00:15:31.000 Like, I have a four-year-old and I have a six-year-old, so they were like my kid's age, but they were wearing high heels where they could barely walk, and they were fully dolled up.
00:15:41.000 I mean, eyelashes, full makeup, war paint, teased up Texas-style hair, like little dresses.
00:15:48.000 I mean, it was disgusting.
00:15:50.000 It was disturbing.
00:15:51.000 It was really, really weird.
00:15:53.000 Just the fact of putting them into a judging scenario at that age.
00:15:58.000 Yeah.
00:15:58.000 Kind of like, well, you weren't the best kid.
00:16:00.000 Yeah.
00:16:01.000 You got up in front of everyone, but they liked this other kid better than you.
00:16:06.000 Yeah, psychologically.
00:16:07.000 Rattle that around in your brain for your whole life.
00:16:09.000 My daughter was playing softball, or soccer rather, for a while, and her nickname was Bruiser, because my youngest one is like super aggressive.
00:16:17.000 She's crazy.
00:16:18.000 But she's really like, she's a sweetie, but when it comes to things, she's like, ah!
00:16:22.000 She loves like teenage mutant ninja turtles, and she has a superman lunchbox.
00:16:26.000 She's probably a lesbian.
00:16:27.000 But uh, I love her to death, but she's she's really athletic and so she's only four and so they had her in soccer and She's just scoring goals like crazy.
00:16:38.000 This is the game starts.
00:16:39.000 Boom.
00:16:40.000 She scores the first goal.
00:16:41.000 She runs on the ball.
00:16:42.000 Boom scores the second goal I mean she's like a little animal and then the other team scored and she started crying and Because the other team was cheering.
00:16:49.000 She started crying.
00:16:50.000 The family on the other side, the families, were cheering.
00:16:54.000 And then she's like, I don't want to play anymore.
00:16:56.000 And the coach was like, you got to go back out there and play.
00:16:58.000 I'm like, you don't have to play.
00:17:00.000 I go, it's just stupid.
00:17:01.000 It's a ball going into the net.
00:17:02.000 I go, if you're not enjoying it, don't do it.
00:17:04.000 I go, but you shouldn't worry about the other team scoring.
00:17:07.000 But I knew that she couldn't kind of internalize that.
00:17:10.000 So I said, this is no big deal.
00:17:11.000 Like, I don't want to make it a big deal.
00:17:12.000 Because I think that sports, a lot of times parents, they fuck their kids up because they make, like, winning and losing this, like, huge deal or playing.
00:17:20.000 You've got to get out there and you've got to fucking play.
00:17:22.000 Yeah.
00:17:23.000 Figure that out when you're older.
00:17:24.000 You know, when you're four, you should be having fun.
00:17:27.000 You know?
00:17:27.000 And the coach was, like, sitting down with her trying to psych her out.
00:17:31.000 And the coach is dumb as shit.
00:17:32.000 So when she's sitting down, she's giving her this dumb psychology.
00:17:35.000 I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:17:36.000 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
00:17:38.000 Don't teach my kid.
00:17:39.000 Come here.
00:17:39.000 Honey, it's alright.
00:17:40.000 It's no big deal.
00:17:40.000 She's like, you've got to go out there and you've got to just go out there and get that score back.
00:17:45.000 Whatever they scored.
00:17:47.000 If you feel bad, you've got to go...
00:17:48.000 Get out of here.
00:17:51.000 No, you don't.
00:17:51.000 Just have fun.
00:17:53.000 Relax.
00:17:54.000 Like, this is just supposed to be fun.
00:17:55.000 So the idea that...
00:17:57.000 You can take someone that age and then judge them on their looks.
00:18:01.000 That's fucking insane.
00:18:03.000 And then, you know, they have like a talent portion where they sing and they do little dances in their high heels.
00:18:09.000 What the fuck, man?
00:18:10.000 It's so unhealthy.
00:18:12.000 Who is the pedophile that invented this?
00:18:14.000 The first guy who was like, I have an idea for a thing to do.
00:18:19.000 I think it's people that are just living through their kids, man.
00:18:22.000 Yeah.
00:18:22.000 You see that a lot with sports.
00:18:25.000 You know, you really see that a lot with, you know, people that, like, it's usually fathers with their sons.
00:18:32.000 Like, fathers, like, really fuck their kids up.
00:18:35.000 Because they're, like, super...
00:18:37.000 Some guys, you know, obviously.
00:18:38.000 Some guys, like, fuck their kids up because they're super, super, super invested in their kid being successful.
00:18:43.000 Like, I've seen kids not do well at certain sports and seen their fathers yelling at them.
00:18:48.000 You know, you're talking about, like, 10-year-old kids.
00:18:50.000 Like, goddamn, man.
00:18:52.000 Like, you're gonna...
00:18:52.000 The only way this kid's ever gonna get good at something is if he's rewarded for his hard work and then if he gets...
00:18:59.000 A sort of an understanding of what is healthy and what is not healthy about competition.
00:19:04.000 And what's definitely not healthy is you putting everything on the line for this kid.
00:19:09.000 Like, it's everything.
00:19:10.000 Like, your love.
00:19:11.000 Your love is invested in this kid knocking a ball into a net.
00:19:15.000 This is fucking preposterous.
00:19:16.000 This is so goofy.
00:19:18.000 Dads just see that Tiger Woods money.
00:19:20.000 You think that's what it is?
00:19:21.000 I mean, I don't know.
00:19:22.000 I mean, it's probably column A, which is them trying to, you know, redo their, you know, what they wish they had done.
00:19:29.000 But then there's also, like, my kid could be the greatest quarterback.
00:19:33.000 My kid could be, you know.
00:19:34.000 Yeah.
00:19:34.000 I think that could be in the future.
00:19:37.000 Like, they might be looking at it that way.
00:19:39.000 We've got to get you on that doesn't make that noise.
00:19:41.000 Oh, sorry.
00:19:41.000 I won't do it anymore.
00:19:42.000 It's okay.
00:19:42.000 Just push the microphone to the side.
00:19:44.000 But the audience is probably going, what is that?
00:19:46.000 People that have headphones on.
00:19:48.000 The headphones are the real issue.
00:19:50.000 Sorry.
00:19:50.000 Because sometimes we have these fight companion podcasts where we have a bunch of guys in here and we watch fights and people start eating snacks and they're eating right into the microphone and if you're listening, if you have headphones on, it's fucking maddening.
00:20:02.000 But it's hard.
00:20:03.000 You're drinking and smoking pot and people forget and they start chewing.
00:20:08.000 Anyway, JonBenet Ramsey, not a good place to buy a house.
00:20:13.000 Okay, AIDS is done, JonBenet Ramsey's done.
00:20:15.000 Yeah, we covered those super-duper important things.
00:20:19.000 Conspiracy, there's one that thinks they think that Bill Hicks and Alex Jones are the same person.
00:20:24.000 Oh, I've seen that.
00:20:25.000 Yeah.
00:20:26.000 Trust me.
00:20:27.000 I met both of them.
00:20:28.000 They're different humans.
00:20:30.000 Fucking Christ, people are so crazy.
00:20:32.000 Could you imagine?
00:20:34.000 Like, why?
00:20:35.000 Why would you do that?
00:20:36.000 I want to know, has anybody ever done that?
00:20:38.000 Has anybody ever faked their own death?
00:20:40.000 Tupac.
00:20:42.000 Andy Kaufman.
00:20:43.000 Andy Kaufman and Tupac live on an island somewhere.
00:20:46.000 What a boring fucking life, waiting to die of old age.
00:20:49.000 Yeah, but that's also maybe one of the best sitcoms ever.
00:20:52.000 Tupac and Andy Kaufman alone on an island somewhere, like an odd couple.
00:20:56.000 How long before gay shit starts happening?
00:20:58.000 How many months in?
00:21:01.000 It's got to be early.
00:21:02.000 Right away.
00:21:03.000 Yeah, right away.
00:21:03.000 Just fuck it.
00:21:04.000 We're here.
00:21:05.000 Let's be honest.
00:21:06.000 No one's rescuing us.
00:21:07.000 I don't know of anyone that's ever faked their own death successfully.
00:21:11.000 I know some people have tried.
00:21:13.000 There was a guy that I remember, it was some business guy who apparently got busted swindling or something like that, and he faked his own death, but they caught him a few years later.
00:21:24.000 Yeah.
00:21:24.000 And then that guy that's in that movie, The Jinx, the show The Jinx.
00:21:28.000 Yeah.
00:21:29.000 That guy that, what is his name?
00:21:30.000 Robert Durst.
00:21:31.000 Yeah.
00:21:32.000 He didn't fix that, did he?
00:21:33.000 No, but he disappeared and pretended he was a woman.
00:21:36.000 Right.
00:21:36.000 He pretended he was a mute woman.
00:21:38.000 Like, he put on a wig and dressed like a woman.
00:21:40.000 And then, as a mute woman, murdered another guy.
00:21:44.000 And then took off.
00:21:45.000 And that's like...
00:21:46.000 Whitey Bulger did it for a while.
00:21:49.000 That's right.
00:21:49.000 He disappeared, but he didn't fake his own death.
00:21:51.000 No.
00:21:52.000 I don't know if this is true.
00:21:54.000 I heard, and I don't remember where I heard it, so this could just be nonsense, but that what his plan was to do is when he was going to get old and die, he was going to go out into the desert, dig a hole, and just basically kill himself in the hole so they never find him.
00:22:08.000 Bulger?
00:22:08.000 Yeah.
00:22:08.000 I don't know if that's true or not.
00:22:09.000 I heard that.
00:22:10.000 You gotta kill yourself where animals will eat you.
00:22:13.000 Right.
00:22:13.000 That's the move.
00:22:14.000 If anybody wants to kill themselves and not be found, go to Alberta.
00:22:18.000 Go to Alberta, Canada.
00:22:20.000 Go to where the bears are.
00:22:21.000 Because there's sections of Alberta, Canada that are literally infested with black bears.
00:22:26.000 And they have a few grizzlies up there as well.
00:22:29.000 But I've never seen more bears in one place in my life.
00:22:32.000 Like in one day, you'll see 16 bears.
00:22:35.000 Like, no bullshit.
00:22:36.000 Yeah.
00:22:37.000 Fucking big bears.
00:22:38.000 Seven-foot bears.
00:22:39.000 And just blow your brains out.
00:22:41.000 Cover yourself with honey.
00:22:42.000 Yeah.
00:22:43.000 Because other bears eat honey, right?
00:22:44.000 And they'll eat you.
00:22:45.000 Yeah.
00:22:45.000 You'll be gone.
00:22:46.000 They'll eat your bones.
00:22:47.000 They'll eat everything.
00:22:47.000 They'll eat every single piece of who you are.
00:22:50.000 They'll shit out your teeth.
00:22:52.000 And that'll be a wrap.
00:22:53.000 Nobody will find you.
00:22:54.000 That's a good life hack.
00:22:56.000 Or the ocean.
00:22:57.000 The ocean's probably the best.
00:22:58.000 Yeah.
00:22:59.000 Because they're just not going to find you.
00:23:00.000 If you go out far enough and just jump out?
00:23:03.000 Yeah, just start breathing water.
00:23:04.000 You'll just fucking sink to the bottom.
00:23:06.000 The odds of your body making it all the way to shore, not so good.
00:23:09.000 Yeah.
00:23:10.000 I mean, think about how goddamn big the ocean is.
00:23:12.000 Who's going to find you?
00:23:13.000 Nobody.
00:23:13.000 That's probably a good move.
00:23:14.000 The ocean's probably better than the bear move.
00:23:16.000 It's more peaceful.
00:23:17.000 It's serene.
00:23:18.000 I don't know about all that.
00:23:20.000 It's terrifying.
00:23:21.000 The ocean's peaceful in the day.
00:23:23.000 At nighttime, it's fucking horrific.
00:23:25.000 Yeah.
00:23:26.000 I went out sailing once in New York, and we went out a little far, and then it got dark, and we were trying to come back, and all of a sudden the waves got bigger, and it was actually...
00:23:38.000 It's like a sailboat, so really kind of with the old wheel and everything, and actually feeling the strength of the waves trying to get back, and it was really fucking terrifying trying to get back to New York.
00:23:49.000 That's a crazy way to die, man.
00:23:51.000 Your boat tips over.
00:23:53.000 You're trying to scramble and hope the boat stays afloat sideways and the water's cold.
00:24:00.000 My kitchen was getting fixed.
00:24:03.000 There was some shit wrong with my kitchen.
00:24:04.000 So we decided to rent a house on the water.
00:24:09.000 Rent a house on the beach for a couple months.
00:24:11.000 And I got...
00:24:14.000 Barbecued one night the first night we went there I got super duper high and in the daytime It was beautiful like that like you look out the window where you're eating breakfast and would just be ocean Just like right there in the ocean like wow so pretty but at nighttime that same view is Horrifying because the sky is black and the waters black and you keep hearing whoosh And it's like it reveals itself to you.
00:24:40.000 Like, oh, you thought that this was like your playground, some beautiful thing.
00:24:43.000 No, this is a fucking monster that could swallow up the whole city and not even know it.
00:24:48.000 Like the ocean could just swallow Los Angeles one day with one burp slash fart of the tectonic plates.
00:24:56.000 Or at least Malibu.
00:24:57.000 Oh yeah, Malibu would be done.
00:25:00.000 Santa Monica, done.
00:25:02.000 All that, the promenade, done.
00:25:04.000 Just all those, the mall area with all the shops and people playing songs you don't want to hear out in the street.
00:25:11.000 100 foot high waves just pouring in, covering everything for three, four miles deep.
00:25:18.000 That's nothing.
00:25:18.000 That's happened a hundred thousand fucking times in the course of the earth.
00:25:22.000 And we just set up houses there.
00:25:25.000 Dig them in.
00:25:26.000 Boom.
00:25:27.000 Pull a little fucking posts.
00:25:29.000 Have a little wave wall.
00:25:30.000 I was terrified in that house, man.
00:25:32.000 I barely stayed in it.
00:25:33.000 I rented it for a few months, and I wanted to stay in my other house, actually, my house with the fucked up kitchen.
00:25:40.000 I was cooking on a hot plate.
00:25:41.000 I was like, I feel more comfortable here.
00:25:43.000 Are you afraid of tsunamis?
00:25:44.000 I'm afraid of everything.
00:25:45.000 I'm afraid of everything.
00:25:46.000 I'm afraid of asteroids, wolves.
00:25:49.000 Tsunamis are the one disaster for some reason I'm not afraid of.
00:25:54.000 Really?
00:25:54.000 Yeah, I don't know why.
00:25:55.000 My wife is terrified.
00:25:56.000 That's her biggest fear is tsunamis.
00:25:58.000 She's smart.
00:25:59.000 Whenever I see the tsunami, and I know this is naive, but whenever I look at the tsunami footage and stuff, I feel like I could get away.
00:26:07.000 I got so scared of a tsunami, I spilled coffee over my shirt.
00:26:10.000 You really think you can get away?
00:26:12.000 I know it's stupid, and I probably couldn't, but I just have that kind of thought.
00:26:16.000 I feel like if I had to pick a natural disaster, like I'm afraid of earthquakes, asteroids, but tsunamis, I would take that.
00:26:25.000 Can you imagine if you did if you if you were right and you like a tsunami came and you survived and like a thousand people dead Trevor Moore, how did you survive?
00:26:33.000 They're all pussies.
00:26:34.000 How did they not survive?
00:26:36.000 Just some fucking water just swim.
00:26:38.000 No just be like you know what I kind of always deep down felt like I could do it and you know it just turned out God told me I would be fine and the water is just water.
00:26:48.000 Just keep swimming and you're fine.
00:26:51.000 No, have you ever been caught in an undertow?
00:26:54.000 Not a big one.
00:26:55.000 I go surfing and stuff, and I've never been caught in one that was...
00:26:59.000 I've been caught in one and been like, oh, I'm in an undertow, but not a bad one.
00:27:05.000 I've never been caught in a bad one either, but I got caught in one that was enough that freaked me the fuck out.
00:27:09.000 I got caught in one...
00:27:10.000 God, I don't remember where it was.
00:27:12.000 But I remember, like, oh, this is what that is.
00:27:15.000 And I'm, you know, pretty athletic.
00:27:17.000 I'm in pretty good shape.
00:27:18.000 But I was thinking, man, what if I was like an old lady?
00:27:21.000 Or, you know, a young kid.
00:27:22.000 Kid, yeah.
00:27:22.000 I was like, this is not good.
00:27:24.000 Like, the water just started pulling me back.
00:27:26.000 And it was pretty rapid.
00:27:28.000 I was like, oh, fuck this.
00:27:30.000 And so I just started...
00:27:31.000 You gotta kind of swim sideways.
00:27:32.000 Yeah, lateral.
00:27:33.000 Yeah, towards the shore.
00:27:35.000 Greg Fitzsimmons had to rescue someone.
00:27:38.000 He was on vacation with his family, and some woman got caught in the undertow, and she was screaming, and she was getting pulled out.
00:27:45.000 And he looked around, and there was no lifeguard, there was no nothing, and she was just getting pulled.
00:27:49.000 And so, he was there with his fucking wife and his kids, and he went, holy shit.
00:27:54.000 Okay, here we go.
00:27:55.000 And he just jumped out there and you know, you gotta like know how to hold on to people when you're saving them.
00:28:00.000 He didn't know how to do that.
00:28:00.000 Because they're panicking and they're just trying to get to higher ground on top of you.
00:28:03.000 They'll pull you with them.
00:28:04.000 They'll pull you with them.
00:28:05.000 And she did not know how to do that.
00:28:07.000 And so like, you know, he barely made it.
00:28:09.000 He barely made it and saved this woman.
00:28:12.000 But that moment when you have to make that decision, do I risk my life to try to save some person?
00:28:18.000 Because you might get to a point where you're like, oh my god, I'm going to have to punch this chick in the face and swim by myself because she's going to drag me under.
00:28:24.000 There's those weird moments that actually happen to people when they're trying to save someone.
00:28:28.000 They realize, I'm going to die too because this person's an idiot.
00:28:31.000 Or maybe not an idiot, but they don't know how to deal with stress.
00:28:36.000 Some people...
00:28:37.000 Given the exact same circumstance, just know how to stay calm and they'll be fine.
00:28:41.000 And other people, they're just...
00:28:42.000 And they can't breathe.
00:28:44.000 Like, you're like, breathe, breathe.
00:28:45.000 They can't breathe.
00:28:46.000 And they're like, oh, fucking Christ.
00:28:47.000 Like, I can't teach you how to breathe here while we're both trying to swim for our lives.
00:28:51.000 Fuck.
00:28:52.000 And then his wife and his kids were watching this whole thing happen.
00:28:55.000 And, you know, he kind of figured out how to grab her and swim to the shore with her.
00:29:00.000 That's some terrifying shit.
00:29:01.000 Yeah.
00:29:02.000 We were doing like river kind of rafting.
00:29:08.000 I mean, just like kind of in a lazy river kind of stuff up in Cape Cod once, me and a bunch of friends.
00:29:14.000 And this river comes out to the ocean.
00:29:17.000 And when it came out to the ocean, there was one of our friends who doesn't swim.
00:29:22.000 So I don't know why he was with us.
00:29:24.000 But he was on one of those inner tubes, just kind of tubing.
00:29:26.000 Did he have a life raft on, too?
00:29:27.000 Yeah.
00:29:27.000 No, he was just kind of tubing, but it was like a river.
00:29:29.000 It was a river.
00:29:30.000 And so it got to the ocean, and it was the same kind of thing where this river just shoots stuff, you know, shoots the water out into the ocean really far.
00:29:38.000 So he went all of a sudden way out, and we're all back on the beach, and we're like, oh wait, holy shit, Chris can't swim.
00:29:47.000 Oh God!
00:29:48.000 So we're like going and we see that he's panicking and in his panic, what he did was he jumped off of the raft.
00:29:56.000 Oh no.
00:29:56.000 Because the raft was going out to ocean and he just wanted to get back to the shore.
00:30:00.000 But he doesn't know how to swim.
00:30:01.000 I know, but in the panic, in that moment, like your brain doesn't really make the right decisions.
00:30:06.000 So how'd you get him?
00:30:07.000 What happened?
00:30:07.000 Oh, he died.
00:30:08.000 No, no, no.
00:30:10.000 No, we had people that had to swim out and like get him back.
00:30:14.000 Did you get the raft too?
00:30:16.000 I don't even remember.
00:30:18.000 The raft costs money, man!
00:30:18.000 I don't remember what happened to the raft.
00:30:20.000 Maybe not.
00:30:20.000 Oh, fucking Christ.
00:30:22.000 My friend Remy, Remy Warren, he was on a river once.
00:30:27.000 He was right next to a river.
00:30:28.000 And some stuff started...
00:30:31.000 He talked about it on the podcast, for folks listening to this.
00:30:33.000 His version's gonna be way better than mine.
00:30:35.000 But he saw some stuff floating down the river.
00:30:38.000 And then a guy, face down, body...
00:30:42.000 Floating down the river and then he realized holy shit like this is like a capsized boat It's freezing cold water and then a woman Hanging on for dear life screaming and he said holy shit here We go and he just jumped in the river and it was freezing cold water and he realized like as he was jumping He's like okay.
00:30:58.000 I'm probably gonna die because you know you get hypothermia really quickly yeah those means essentially those rivers They're glaciers.
00:31:06.000 It's glaciers melting.
00:31:07.000 And they create this river.
00:31:08.000 And it's fucking freezing cold water in the mountain.
00:31:11.000 And he's in this water.
00:31:13.000 And it's not warm out either.
00:31:15.000 It's cold out.
00:31:15.000 And so he just dove in.
00:31:17.000 And he's trying to save this woman.
00:31:19.000 And he got lucky.
00:31:20.000 They both got lucky.
00:31:21.000 And they figured out a way to grab a hold of something.
00:31:23.000 But he got a hold of her and then dragged her to shore.
00:31:25.000 But he was pretty convinced as he jumped in.
00:31:27.000 Like, okay, this is it for me.
00:31:29.000 It's been a fun life.
00:31:30.000 It's a good way to die, though.
00:31:31.000 Trying to save somebody else.
00:31:32.000 That's pretty much...
00:31:33.000 Yeah, I guess.
00:31:34.000 That's pretty heroic.
00:31:35.000 But if she dies too, you're like, damn, I could have lived and just watched her die.
00:31:39.000 Yeah.
00:31:41.000 It felt sad.
00:31:42.000 And just start telling people, hey man, don't raft.
00:31:45.000 Shit's dangerous as fuck.
00:31:48.000 Yeah, of all the ways to die, you know, that's a...
00:31:51.000 River rafting is a really terrifying one.
00:31:54.000 If you see, like, when people...
00:31:56.000 There was a reality show.
00:31:57.000 I forget what reality show it was, but it never went to air because as they were filming, like, one of the first episodes, someone, they overturned their canoe and got trapped under a rock.
00:32:09.000 Like, the canoe overturned and the waves, or the current rather, wedged them under a rock and they drowned.
00:32:19.000 And like the pilot.
00:32:20.000 And the pilot, yeah.
00:32:21.000 Holy shit.
00:32:22.000 Yeah, this was years back.
00:32:23.000 This was like right when Survivor was first taken off, before the internet really took hold as far as like...
00:32:29.000 Social media and TMZ type shit, which they would just have a field day with this.
00:32:34.000 Yeah.
00:32:34.000 But back then it was just, you know, they didn't really, they hadn't figured out how to use the internet for trash yet.
00:32:39.000 Right.
00:32:40.000 You know?
00:32:40.000 Right.
00:32:41.000 But this person just got stuck.
00:32:44.000 And I remember thinking that, like, okay, that's not something I ever want to be a part of.
00:32:49.000 You don't ever want to get stuck in a...
00:32:51.000 Freezing cold river with insanely powerful currents.
00:32:55.000 Yeah, I don't I don't I don't I mean some people like I've done it once the river rafting kind of thing like the whitewater kind of stuff again This is not fun to me like it's it's it's very bumpy.
00:33:06.000 It's scary.
00:33:07.000 There's Potential death everywhere People love thrills, man.
00:33:12.000 They love it.
00:33:13.000 Some people just, they love that rush, that adrenaline rush.
00:33:16.000 Just, oof.
00:33:17.000 I don't know.
00:33:18.000 Have you ever done skydiving?
00:33:20.000 No!
00:33:21.000 Yeah.
00:33:21.000 Fuck that.
00:33:22.000 Yeah.
00:33:22.000 Because I feel like if you do die skydiving, it's, you know, it's always sad when people die, but it's like, you know, it's kind of, you don't get that.
00:33:32.000 I mean, people will be like, well, he jumped out of an airplane, you know.
00:33:35.000 I've had friends that are EMTs that have found people.
00:33:39.000 You know.
00:33:40.000 After Sky.
00:33:41.000 Mm-hmm.
00:33:41.000 Gotten to the surface.
00:33:42.000 They say their body's totally intact.
00:33:44.000 It's everything inside.
00:33:46.000 Outside.
00:33:46.000 Yeah, but everything inside.
00:33:47.000 Like, your bones are, like, pushed up through your torso and just, like, you're just a bag of broken bones and destroyed organs.
00:33:56.000 Yeah.
00:33:56.000 Not good.
00:33:57.000 I read, uh, there's this article.
00:33:59.000 There was...
00:34:00.000 Jamie has this look on his face.
00:34:03.000 There's this article where they interviewed people who had actually fallen out of planes and lived.
00:34:07.000 Oh, God.
00:34:07.000 There's, like, only a handful.
00:34:09.000 But they were trying to figure out how to do it.
00:34:12.000 And the stories were crazy because there's this one guy who was an old guy that they interviewed who, I guess, was in World War II. And his plane just exploded before he had jumped out, kind of thing.
00:34:23.000 And he fell.
00:34:23.000 And they say that the way to do it is, and it's not, like, foolproof, but, like, the people who have survived, they kind of try to hit a tree.
00:34:34.000 And you try to hit a tree as close to the middle as possible, but not the exact middle, because that'll impale you.
00:34:40.000 But you want to hit close to the trunk, where the branches are the thickest.
00:34:46.000 And you basically want to have all the branches break your fall on the way down.
00:34:50.000 And you're going to be fucked up when, like, you hit the ground.
00:34:54.000 But the people who have lived, a lot of them hit trees.
00:34:57.000 Wow.
00:34:58.000 I heard a guy who lived who hit a barn and apparently he went through the roof and into the hay and somehow or another made it.
00:35:06.000 But he was fucked up.
00:35:07.000 Yeah.
00:35:08.000 I mean, every bone broken, back broken, you know, all fucked up, legs broken, but lived somehow or another.
00:35:16.000 Yeah.
00:35:16.000 My friend Brian, his dad, he had worked with this guy and the guy was trying to get him to skydive.
00:35:22.000 And then, you know, one day he went to the office and the guy wasn't there.
00:35:26.000 And he's like, what happened?
00:35:27.000 Where's Mike?
00:35:28.000 Or whatever the fuck his name is.
00:35:29.000 I think it was actually a woman.
00:35:30.000 And he was like...
00:35:32.000 Found out that the skydiving didn't go so well that weekend.
00:35:35.000 Holy shit.
00:35:36.000 Yeah.
00:35:37.000 Yeah, that's...
00:35:38.000 Dead.
00:35:39.000 Yeah.
00:35:40.000 Skydiving.
00:35:40.000 I don't get that sport.
00:35:42.000 Don't like that one.
00:35:43.000 Well, you know, my friend Steve Rinella said it best.
00:35:46.000 He said there's things that are fun that are fun while you're doing them, but they're not fun later.
00:35:52.000 And I think skydiving is one of those, and roller coasters are one of those as well.
00:35:57.000 They're fun while you're doing them, but they're not fun later.
00:35:59.000 And then there's things that you do...
00:36:01.000 Like crazy arduous hikes over mountains and you get to the top and you this insanely beautiful view and like you earn that view and you know you're camping it's freezing and you know you're fucking hoofing it but when it's all over when you get together like weeks later and talk about that trip like wow you have these amazing memories like it was really cool yeah but at the time it was kind of brutal and arduous would you ever do Everest fuck that Yeah,
00:36:27.000 that's, that's, that's, that's like what the suicide, basically.
00:36:31.000 Well, you have to watch this new, it's out right now.
00:36:34.000 I'm glad you brought this up.
00:36:35.000 There's a Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel that's out right now.
00:36:38.000 It's amazing.
00:36:39.000 And it's on the Sherpas.
00:36:41.000 Those fucking guys who have to do all the work?
00:36:45.000 Yeah.
00:36:45.000 They had all these experienced climbers who had summited at Everest like years and years ago, and they were talking about what it used to be like.
00:36:54.000 You know, you used to carry your own stuff, you had a minimal amount of things, and now they have these companies that set it up like these luxury tours Where these Sherpas, they carry, like, virtually anything you want.
00:37:07.000 Like, whatever you want, whatever you need.
00:37:09.000 So they have all these prepped meals, they have these tents, and inside these tents they have, you know, gourmet food and cots and all this stuff.
00:37:17.000 And these Sherpas have to carry all this stuff.
00:37:20.000 It was sort of highlighting how insanely dangerous it is like there's only you know a few hundred Sherpas and over the last couple years 25 of them have died in Avalanches and icefalls and the path that they take from base camp up through the mountains like within the first you know hundred yards or so you're in dangerous territory and Well,
00:37:44.000 there's dead bodies all along the trail that they can't get them.
00:37:47.000 If you die on the mountain, you're part of the mountain from then on.
00:37:51.000 There's pictures of the bodies online, and there's one guy that just looks like he's slumped over taking a nap, and that's what happened.
00:37:59.000 He's still in his parka and everything like that, but when you get up that high, you get tired, so you're like, I'm just going to rest for a second, and then you're there for the next 100, 200 years.
00:38:10.000 Including the first guy to ever climb Everest.
00:38:12.000 Is he?
00:38:13.000 Yeah, you could see his body.
00:38:15.000 Yeah, look at that guy.
00:38:16.000 That's the first guy?
00:38:17.000 No, that's one of them.
00:38:19.000 Look at that fucking...
00:38:20.000 That's so creepy, man.
00:38:23.000 But the first guy to...
00:38:24.000 That's the guy right there, the lower left?
00:38:26.000 The lower left?
00:38:27.000 That's the first guy to ever climb Everest.
00:38:28.000 Holy shit.
00:38:29.000 Yeah.
00:38:29.000 See, I feel like that's going to suck all the fun out of, no matter how great the view is when you're walking up through just corpses, you know?
00:38:37.000 Like, it's got to suck a little bit of the fun out of it.
00:38:40.000 Looks like someone chewed on his ass.
00:38:42.000 Look, he's got a hole in his ass.
00:38:44.000 Like some birds came along.
00:38:46.000 But he's white.
00:38:48.000 White, frozen, solid, face-planted.
00:38:52.000 Yeah.
00:38:52.000 It's terrifying.
00:38:53.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure that is the body of the first guy.
00:38:57.000 Because that's an iconic photo.
00:39:00.000 But there's more than a hundred.
00:39:02.000 More than a hundred dead bodies.
00:39:04.000 How many dead bodies, Jamie?
00:39:06.000 Find that out.
00:39:08.000 Mallory is the guy's name that died first, right?
00:39:10.000 Isn't that his name?
00:39:11.000 Is this the first guy that ever tried it?
00:39:13.000 I believe so.
00:39:14.000 He was the first guy that ever did it.
00:39:15.000 And then he died.
00:39:17.000 On the way down?
00:39:18.000 Something like that.
00:39:20.000 Poor bastard.
00:39:22.000 I'm just going to wait for the virtual reality.
00:39:23.000 They'll put a camera up there and you can just put on goggles and go, what?
00:39:27.000 It won't mean anything.
00:39:27.000 It'll mean enough.
00:39:29.000 The feeling of that thing is you experience it.
00:39:34.000 As you're walking, every fiber of your being is going, what the fuck are you doing?
00:39:38.000 You've got to get out of here, man.
00:39:39.000 This is dangerous.
00:39:40.000 There's no air.
00:39:41.000 It's 18 degrees below zero.
00:39:43.000 You've got a mile of walking.
00:39:45.000 More than 200 dead bodies.
00:39:48.000 Oh my god.
00:39:49.000 Some bodies even used as landmarks for other climbers.
00:39:53.000 Fucking Christ.
00:39:55.000 Jesus Christ.
00:39:56.000 How many people have successfully done it?
00:39:59.000 A lot.
00:40:00.000 That was the fucked up thing about this real sports thing.
00:40:03.000 As this guy was doing it, he was talking about how crowded the summit is now.
00:40:07.000 When you go up there, you can barely stand because so many people have summited.
00:40:12.000 There's so many people out there with you, and then they showed the video of him doing it and all the people making it on the way up, and there was over a hundred people on their way up the mountain.
00:40:20.000 I mean, it was insane.
00:40:22.000 It was a line for Disneyland.
00:40:24.000 Like, I'm not kidding.
00:40:25.000 That's crazy.
00:40:25.000 Yeah.
00:40:26.000 Look at that.
00:40:26.000 Look at that.
00:40:26.000 Look at that.
00:40:27.000 Look at all those fucking people.
00:40:30.000 That's insane.
00:40:31.000 Look at the line, the upper right-hand corner.
00:40:33.000 Look at the line.
00:40:34.000 Look at that fucking line!
00:40:36.000 Now, you can only do it like there's like a one week a year or something, right?
00:40:39.000 Is that what it is?
00:40:40.000 It's a small window, isn't it?
00:40:42.000 Like a month or two?
00:40:43.000 I'm not sure.
00:40:44.000 Where the weather is okay to do it?
00:40:45.000 I'm not sure, but they, you know, people die all the time doing it, and so these companies have sort of capitalized, as one of the things they were highlighting, they've capitalized on two things.
00:40:58.000 One, this desire of all these rich douchebags to, you know, like, I'm an adventurer, I'm a summited Everest.
00:41:04.000 I conquered business, now I've conquered the highest mountain in the world.
00:41:07.000 People love saying things like that.
00:41:08.000 I've summited Everest.
00:41:09.000 You know, whoa, John, I'm so much more impressed with you now.
00:41:12.000 But the Sherpas, it was really, really, really, really depressing because a lot of them come from this one town that's like halfway up the mountain.
00:41:22.000 And the town has been essentially the same way.
00:41:24.000 You can't even call it a town.
00:41:25.000 It's like a village.
00:41:26.000 It's a day's walk to buy food.
00:41:28.000 They have to walk for a day.
00:41:30.000 And this family, this mother and her son, were just mourning the death of her husband and the kid's father.
00:41:39.000 And it's just...
00:41:40.000 He was a Sherpa.
00:41:41.000 First day on the job.
00:41:42.000 First time doing it.
00:41:43.000 You know, they needed money to try to get out of this village.
00:41:46.000 And they make like $5,000 a year.
00:41:49.000 But that's the equivalent to like, that'll go for a year?
00:41:53.000 Probably, like way more than anybody makes up there.
00:41:56.000 I don't want to help.
00:41:57.000 I mean, so I'm sure it's like a pretty much, that's the town business.
00:42:04.000 Like, it's a Sherpa community.
00:42:06.000 Yeah.
00:42:07.000 Well, also they're uniquely like genetically qualified for the job.
00:42:11.000 They're living up there.
00:42:12.000 They live up there.
00:42:12.000 They're used to climbing all the time.
00:42:14.000 They're insanely fit because their bodies are used to like very low oxygen, very high altitude.
00:42:20.000 So they can do things that other people just, it's like super difficult for like a person like us that lives here in LA. You know, we're at sea level.
00:42:28.000 To go up there, we'd be like, fuck, you know, it takes a long time for your body to adapt.
00:42:32.000 Yeah.
00:42:33.000 Like, I lived in Colorado for a while, and we were living at 8,500 feet above sea level, which is like 3,000 feet above Boulder, and it was, just going upstairs was rough.
00:42:42.000 Yeah.
00:42:42.000 These fucking people are at, like, what, 20,000 feet more, even?
00:42:47.000 I think, like, the summit is something like 29,000 feet above sea level.
00:42:51.000 So it's, like, essentially, like, almost as high as a jet.
00:42:55.000 Like, when a jet is flying over Vegas, like...
00:42:58.000 That's crazy.
00:42:59.000 Fuck!
00:43:00.000 Yeah.
00:43:00.000 What the fuck, man?
00:43:02.000 It's insane.
00:43:02.000 There's no air!
00:43:03.000 And they do it with tanks, too.
00:43:05.000 That's the other thing.
00:43:05.000 They do it with oxygen tanks.
00:43:07.000 Pussies.
00:43:08.000 We did a show in Aspen, like the Aspen Comedy Festival, and there's just like a, you know, it was a sketch show, a lot of running around on the thing.
00:43:16.000 But I had to have an oxygen tank backstage, just because, like, from the amount of, like, running around, like, after the first show, I was like, I can't breathe.
00:43:23.000 I can't imagine being up at jet level.
00:43:26.000 I did Aspen.
00:43:27.000 I did the Comedy Festival.
00:43:28.000 Probably the same year you were there.
00:43:31.000 We didn't even introduce Trevor.
00:43:32.000 He's from the whitest kids you know.
00:43:34.000 Very, very famous sketch troupe.
00:43:35.000 You've probably seen a lot of their stuff online, a lot of sketches online.
00:43:38.000 But we were doing the Aspen Comedy Festival.
00:43:42.000 I want to say it was like 2003. Three or something like that it was way back in the day and it was with I was with Lewis black we're on a show together and they they they had oxygen waiting for him when he got on stage like they have a tank right there a little mask like you're sucking oxygen like right after you get off you know because Lewis does that thing where he gets his fingers going and he gets very excited You know,
00:44:03.000 you got no air.
00:44:04.000 There's no fucking air up there.
00:44:06.000 Yeah.
00:44:06.000 Well, I remember when we got there, they were saying, like, if anyone's feeling faint or anything like that, we have oxygen for everybody.
00:44:11.000 And I was like, eh, that's, you know, I'm not going to need that.
00:44:13.000 Bussies!
00:44:14.000 And then, like, yeah, 24 hours in, I was like, where is the oxygen tanks?
00:44:18.000 Well, they sell it.
00:44:19.000 They sell, like, tubes that you can bring with you.
00:44:21.000 It looks like a can of hairspray or something, or shaving cream.
00:44:24.000 It's got, like, a little mask thing.
00:44:26.000 Yep.
00:44:28.000 Yeah, that's nothing, though.
00:44:29.000 I mean, that's nothing compared to the altitude that these people are at.
00:44:35.000 It's probably the same kind of thing.
00:44:36.000 What I did was basically like going to the moon on a bike.
00:44:43.000 Yeah, Aspen is a freaky town, isn't it?
00:44:46.000 Yeah, the sidewalks are heated.
00:44:48.000 I thought that was weird.
00:44:49.000 It's so rich.
00:44:50.000 There's so much money up there.
00:44:51.000 It's so stupid.
00:44:52.000 Well, they have to bust everybody, like, because there's a McDonald's there, and everyone who works there, anyone who works in any of those shops has to be bust in from, like, an hour down the mountain, like, to work there.
00:45:03.000 Like, there's no one who works there lives there.
00:45:06.000 No, you could never afford it.
00:45:07.000 Do they even have apartments?
00:45:08.000 I mean, they must have some, right?
00:45:10.000 I don't know.
00:45:10.000 I don't remember seeing any, but I remember seeing some...
00:45:12.000 Stupid fucking expensive houses up there.
00:45:15.000 It's a weird, like, rich people paradise.
00:45:18.000 You know, like, the stores, like, they have, like, a Nobu up there.
00:45:22.000 Like, super expensive sushi place.
00:45:24.000 Like, how are you getting fish up here?
00:45:26.000 This ain't nowhere near the fucking ocean.
00:45:29.000 Yeah.
00:45:30.000 Like, Aspen is pretty high up there.
00:45:31.000 It's like 8,000 feet, right?
00:45:33.000 Something like that.
00:45:35.000 Seems like it.
00:45:35.000 It's a goofy airport, too.
00:45:37.000 That's a horrible airport.
00:45:38.000 You have to fly, like, straight up.
00:45:41.000 Yeah.
00:45:42.000 The year we went, I don't think planes were coming in because it was snowing.
00:45:46.000 Or they called it off or something like that.
00:45:49.000 Same with my year.
00:45:50.000 So then it was basically everyone had to drive up the thing.
00:45:53.000 And that was terrifying because then the roads, like, you know, if there's nobody driving on the road for, like, five minutes, the road's gone.
00:45:59.000 Yeah.
00:45:59.000 Covered in snow.
00:46:00.000 Yeah.
00:46:01.000 Yeah, we landed in Denver and then they bussed us up and it took hours.
00:46:05.000 Yeah.
00:46:06.000 And you're going on these winding roads in a bus.
00:46:08.000 You don't even know this driver.
00:46:10.000 He might be crazy.
00:46:11.000 Yeah.
00:46:11.000 Like, how'd you get this job?
00:46:13.000 Can I talk to you?
00:46:14.000 You're the guy driving.
00:46:16.000 Like, your life is on the line.
00:46:17.000 You're on mountains.
00:46:18.000 And on the way up, there's all these buses just on the side of the road.
00:46:21.000 They've just been frozen there because you can't go get them.
00:46:23.000 Like, on the way up to the Aspen Comedy Festival, they're just littered with frozen comedians on buses.
00:46:29.000 It was a goofy place to do comedy, too, because the audiences, they either had to live in Aspen, or they had to also fly in for it.
00:46:36.000 And then they kind of realized somewhere along the line, oh, executives just sort of built this festival so they could ski.
00:46:42.000 Yeah, it's a party.
00:46:43.000 Yeah.
00:46:43.000 So when I was up there, I remember thinking, this is very different from the Montreal Comedy Festival, where the Montreal Comedy Festival, it really did seem like it was all about the shows.
00:46:52.000 The shows were like an afterthought in Aspen.
00:46:55.000 And so they just cancelled it.
00:46:56.000 Like, it doesn't exist anymore.
00:46:57.000 Yeah.
00:46:58.000 And then they brought it to Vegas for a while.
00:46:59.000 And they were like, well, this is even worse.
00:47:01.000 And then there's no more festival.
00:47:03.000 Yeah.
00:47:03.000 I mean, does HBO even have a comedy festival anymore?
00:47:06.000 I don't think they do.
00:47:06.000 I don't think they do either.
00:47:07.000 Which is a shame, because actually, I thought it was a fun festival.
00:47:10.000 It's great.
00:47:10.000 But, yeah, I guess they...
00:47:12.000 I enjoyed it.
00:47:13.000 I don't...
00:47:13.000 I ski now, but back then I didn't ski.
00:47:15.000 So I just was there just kind of having fun going, this is a weird place to have a festival.
00:47:19.000 Like, why would you have a festival?
00:47:20.000 And then I kind of like sort of pieced it together.
00:47:22.000 Like, oh, you fuckers just like skiing.
00:47:24.000 Yeah.
00:47:25.000 You'd see all the agents and everyone.
00:47:27.000 Sun dances.
00:47:28.000 Yeah.
00:47:28.000 Yeah.
00:47:29.000 They all have their shit with them.
00:47:30.000 All their skiing shit.
00:47:31.000 I was like, this is fucking bizarre.
00:47:33.000 Like, you guys have...
00:47:34.000 Like, this is an afterthought.
00:47:35.000 Yeah.
00:47:36.000 That's Hollywood.
00:47:38.000 You know?
00:47:39.000 The skiing.
00:47:40.000 Skiing terrifies me.
00:47:41.000 Does it?
00:47:42.000 Yeah.
00:47:43.000 That's...
00:47:43.000 I put that up there with...
00:47:45.000 Well, I just...
00:47:45.000 I don't know.
00:47:46.000 You can hit a tree and then, you know...
00:47:48.000 Well, you know what the thing is, man?
00:47:49.000 Just don't go on, like, a super tough course.
00:47:52.000 You know?
00:47:53.000 Yeah.
00:47:53.000 That's the thing about skiing.
00:47:55.000 Like, if you're going to ski...
00:47:56.000 Like, everybody wants to go, like, crazy.
00:47:58.000 Skiing's fun for me when I'm in control of it.
00:48:01.000 Like, you know, they have, like, black courses and blue...
00:48:04.000 Like, blue is, like, fairly easy.
00:48:06.000 Right?
00:48:07.000 It's like...
00:48:08.000 Bunny slopes?
00:48:09.000 Yeah, I was like, well, blue's not bunny.
00:48:11.000 Blue's pretty, like, I was in Park City, Utah, this year, and blue's not easy.
00:48:18.000 Like, blue gets weird.
00:48:19.000 Like, there's some spots where, like, whoa, this is, and I think green is, like, Maybe blue is harder than green, or green is harder than blue, but whatever it is.
00:48:26.000 I got to the one right before black, and I was like, whoa, this is kind of crazy.
00:48:31.000 You kind of figure it out.
00:48:33.000 You just got to take steep turns left and right to try to regulate your speed.
00:48:38.000 But while I was doing it, there were some motherfuckers that were just experts that were flying by me, just...
00:48:44.000 Because people that are just speed demons, they just really know how to do it.
00:48:49.000 And if they fuck up, ooh...
00:48:51.000 You know, some of those guys are going, they're probably going like 50 miles an hour or something.
00:48:55.000 Yeah.
00:48:56.000 It's no room for error.
00:48:58.000 No.
00:48:59.000 Also, I was with my kids and it freaked me out.
00:49:00.000 I was like, what if some uncoordinated dummy plows into one of my kids when they're trying to learn how to ski?
00:49:05.000 Right.
00:49:06.000 That's a potential danger.
00:49:08.000 When I was a kid, the first time I ever went skiing, I took the little lessons that you take when you're first time skiing.
00:49:15.000 And then we were there for...
00:49:16.000 It was like a Christmas thing.
00:49:17.000 My family was there for like a week.
00:49:18.000 So by the second or third day, I'm like, I want to try the Black Diamond kind of thing.
00:49:22.000 And my dad was like, fine.
00:49:23.000 He was just kind of like...
00:49:25.000 I think it was like, he ought to learn a lesson or something.
00:49:27.000 Like, yeah, go for it.
00:49:27.000 So I took the lift up to the thing, and nobody said anything.
00:49:32.000 Like, it was totally, everyone was like, alright, this kid's gonna, you know, eat shit.
00:49:36.000 And it took me hours to get down.
00:49:38.000 Because I couldn't, you know, stay up for more than, you know, 50 yards at a time without just falling.
00:49:46.000 Because it's just the slope, the pitch was just so much that I just would just keep tumbling.
00:49:50.000 And I'm like crying, trying to walk down this Black Diamond thing while people are like...
00:49:55.000 Flying past me.
00:49:56.000 Oh, God.
00:49:57.000 Did you tell your dad when you got to the bottom?
00:49:59.000 Yeah, I was like, I hate skiing.
00:50:03.000 Did he say, I wanted you to learn a lesson, son.
00:50:07.000 Take that black diamond.
00:50:08.000 How about a double black diamond, pussy?
00:50:10.000 Yeah, the moguls are kind of crazy.
00:50:12.000 We were watching people doing a black diamond mogul.
00:50:15.000 Which, for people who don't know what skiing is, it's like massive bumps.
00:50:21.000 Like, people like the bumps, which I'm real confused.
00:50:25.000 I didn't understand why they would like...
00:50:27.000 You get sick air.
00:50:28.000 Is that what it is?
00:50:28.000 I think, isn't that, it's kind of you're trying to get air off of the bumps, aren't you?
00:50:33.000 I guess you kind of do.
00:50:34.000 I mean, don't jump too high because you're kind of going back and forth.
00:50:37.000 But we were going over it in the lift, and we were watching these people just go left and right and just hopping up and bouncing.
00:50:45.000 And the actual ground gets etched in this crisscross, crosshatching pattern from people just going left and right and left and right over these crazy fucking bumps.
00:50:56.000 And you're like, man, there's not a lot of room for error there.
00:50:59.000 Yeah.
00:51:00.000 If you don't know what you're doing and you just jumped in like you did just a little too quick...
00:51:04.000 You're in the trees.
00:51:06.000 Yeah.
00:51:06.000 What's safer?
00:51:08.000 Skiing or snowboarding?
00:51:11.000 What's easier to do?
00:51:12.000 I don't know.
00:51:13.000 Can you go as fast on a snowboard as you can on skis?
00:51:16.000 I feel like you go faster on skis, but I'm talking out my ass.
00:51:19.000 You do go faster?
00:51:20.000 Yeah, you can go like 100 miles an hour.
00:51:21.000 On a snowboard?
00:51:22.000 You can go straight down like the downhill alpine skiing on the Olympics.
00:51:25.000 They go really fast.
00:51:27.000 Yeah.
00:51:27.000 They can't get that fast on a snowboard.
00:51:29.000 Aubrey's friends with that guy, Bodie Miller, who's an Olympic gold medalist.
00:51:33.000 I watched him in the Olympics because they were...
00:51:36.000 The Olympics was happening when Aubrey was over at my house.
00:51:39.000 We watched it while it was going live.
00:51:43.000 And that motherfucker flies.
00:51:47.000 When you're watching Olympic gold medalists going down these things, the speed is just unfathomable.
00:51:53.000 You've got to think that at some point in time...
00:51:57.000 If you wipe out, like he just wiped out recently, almost severed his leg.
00:52:01.000 Like he hit something and tore his, almost tore the meat off of his leg in this accident.
00:52:06.000 Like a pretty severe, might even be like a career-ending injury.
00:52:10.000 Like I think he hit a fence or something.
00:52:12.000 Holy shit.
00:52:13.000 Yeah, fuck.
00:52:14.000 Or he just hit snow, but that's as fast as he was going.
00:52:16.000 Snow cut his leg off.
00:52:17.000 I think he hit a fence.
00:52:19.000 My friend Steve was on the US ski team, and he's had...
00:52:23.000 I want to be conservative when I say this, but I think I'm wrong.
00:52:27.000 I think I'm undershooting it.
00:52:28.000 He's had 28 knee surgeries.
00:52:31.000 He actually had his knees resurfaced.
00:52:35.000 I'll show you a picture.
00:52:36.000 You want to freak out?
00:52:36.000 He doesn't have any cartilage on his knee anymore.
00:52:39.000 How old is he?
00:52:41.000 Steve's in his 50s.
00:52:43.000 I've known him since I was a kid.
00:52:45.000 Let me see if I can find this image.
00:52:47.000 It's going to freak you out.
00:52:49.000 I'll pull it up here.
00:52:51.000 I don't know if I can...
00:52:53.000 What's that?
00:52:54.000 Oh, yeah, you're looking up at the screen.
00:52:56.000 The record is actually 156 miles an hour.
00:52:59.000 Oh my god!
00:53:01.000 Average speed of 40 to 100. 40 to 100 is average?
00:53:06.000 Yeah.
00:53:07.000 See, I never want to be going 156 miles an hour.
00:53:10.000 Yeah, you're smart, dude.
00:53:14.000 Okay, look at this image.
00:53:15.000 I'm gonna pull this.
00:53:16.000 Hold on, I'll give it to you.
00:53:17.000 I'm off my laptop.
00:53:19.000 That's my friend's knee.
00:53:20.000 Look at that.
00:53:21.000 That's the inside of his knee.
00:53:23.000 So they put metal over the top of his knee.
00:53:29.000 That's gotta feel terrible when it gets cold.
00:53:32.000 He's a bad motherfucker.
00:53:33.000 He would never complain about anything.
00:53:34.000 This guy's an animal.
00:53:35.000 He doesn't give a shit.
00:53:37.000 He's got fake meniscus.
00:53:38.000 You see that little white thing there?
00:53:40.000 That's an artificial piece of meniscus that is a pad in between the ball and socket, those caps of his knees where, you know, normally you have cartilage.
00:53:51.000 The cartilage is so worn away That he has these, it looks like they're chrome, like steel, steel caps that cover over the top of the bone.
00:54:01.000 And then, you know, it just sort of rolls steel to steel.
00:54:07.000 And that's a knee replacement.
00:54:08.000 He doesn't have that.
00:54:09.000 No, he just has his knee, because knee replacement is like for people that have like their ligaments destroyed.
00:54:15.000 My mom had knee replacement.
00:54:16.000 She had both knees done at the same time.
00:54:18.000 Fuck!
00:54:18.000 They chop your legs off, basically, and then they put robot knees in, and then you basically can't walk for a couple months.
00:54:25.000 Good lord.
00:54:26.000 Yeah.
00:54:27.000 Fuck, man.
00:54:28.000 And they give you a whole bunch of Vicodin and send you home.
00:54:31.000 Yeah.
00:54:32.000 The amazing thing is the hips.
00:54:34.000 They saw the top off.
00:54:36.000 They give you a fake hip.
00:54:39.000 It's attached to a screw.
00:54:41.000 They saw the top of your femur off, and this fake hip screws right in there, and then you just start walking around.
00:54:49.000 You're walking around within hours of surgery.
00:54:53.000 Hip replacement?
00:54:54.000 Mm-hmm.
00:54:54.000 Yeah, I had a guy that was...
00:54:56.000 Yeah, there's the hip.
00:54:57.000 There's the fake hip.
00:54:59.000 Trevor, if you hear that sound, that's Trevor sucking on his...
00:55:01.000 I did it away from the mic.
00:55:04.000 Well, look at that, how they do it.
00:55:06.000 They literally saw the top of your bone off and put this fake thing in there, this fake ball and socket.
00:55:14.000 That looks cool, though.
00:55:15.000 Oh, look at it.
00:55:15.000 It's from Aspen.
00:55:16.000 That's hilarious.
00:55:17.000 The picture that you pull up is from Aspen.
00:55:19.000 I mean, how many people that are super rich blow their hips out from skiing all the time?
00:55:23.000 Probably a lot.
00:55:24.000 Or just get that done cosmetically.
00:55:26.000 Just to be beautiful.
00:55:27.000 Yeah, kind of cyborg-y.
00:55:28.000 I want to have better hips.
00:55:29.000 But you see the top where it shows how deep it goes into the femur?
00:55:32.000 Yeah.
00:55:33.000 The screw, like, up above that, Jamie?
00:55:35.000 Above and to the right?
00:55:36.000 You see that?
00:55:37.000 Yeah, right there.
00:55:38.000 Like, look at that.
00:55:39.000 That's what happens.
00:55:40.000 They put that fucking steel thing.
00:55:43.000 Graham Hancock had it, and he came on the podcast six weeks later.
00:55:47.000 He was walking around like nothing.
00:55:48.000 Like, I had no idea.
00:55:50.000 You know, he goes, well, I had my hip replaced.
00:55:53.000 I said, when?
00:55:53.000 He goes, six weeks ago.
00:55:54.000 I go, get the fuck out of here.
00:55:55.000 He was walking around like there was nothing wrong.
00:55:58.000 Now how long...
00:55:59.000 I know with the knee stuff, it lasts like 20 years or something.
00:56:03.000 And so then you gotta do it again.
00:56:05.000 Like 20 years or so.
00:56:08.000 How long did it take her to recover where she could walk?
00:56:10.000 A couple months, I think.
00:56:12.000 Because she did both at once.
00:56:15.000 Most of the times you do one, and then you do another one later, but she just did them both.
00:56:19.000 She just said, fuck it, let's just suffer once.
00:56:21.000 Yeah, she's like a schoolteacher, so she was like, I got this summer open, let me just get them both done out of the way.
00:56:27.000 What was wrong with her knees that she had to do that?
00:56:29.000 I think just the cartilage wore down.
00:56:31.000 It wasn't an injury or anything, it was just kind of wear and tear.
00:56:47.000 Right.
00:56:49.000 Right.
00:56:57.000 I had a back injury, and I talked to a doctor, and he's like, well, I'm going to fuse your discs.
00:57:02.000 There's no other way.
00:57:03.000 This and that.
00:57:04.000 We're going to chop it out.
00:57:05.000 Now I'm fine.
00:57:06.000 I sought out a bunch of alternative methods, and I did this thing called Regenikine, this blood-spinning procedure that reduces inflammation.
00:57:14.000 I did a lot of stretching and yoga and a lot of strengthening.
00:57:18.000 It's fine now.
00:57:19.000 I could have listened to this asshole, and I'd have my discs fused right now.
00:57:23.000 I don't know what that means.
00:57:25.000 They cut the soft part in between the bones.
00:57:28.000 Your spinal column is a series of bones, and in between those bones are discs, which is sort of like a tough bag of jelly.
00:57:37.000 And that bag of jelly a lot of times gets herniated.
00:57:40.000 Where it pokes out and because of trauma, it'll start sticking into the nerve and it causes pain.
00:57:47.000 That's where sciatic comes from.
00:57:49.000 You know that term like sciatica?
00:57:51.000 People go, oh, I have a sciatic issue.
00:57:53.000 Well, you know what that really means?
00:57:54.000 That really means you have a bulging disc.
00:57:56.000 It means your bulging disc is poking into a very specific area of your spinal column, a specific area of your nerves that affects where your leg is.
00:58:05.000 And so it can cause atrophy in your leg, which I've had friends that have had that issue.
00:58:10.000 It can cause some pretty severe lower back pain and leg pain, like through your butt, down your hamstring, all the way down, like shooting down your leg.
00:58:21.000 So what they want to do is cut that meat out, that soft, cushy part, and then they drop it down and screw the bones together.
00:58:31.000 So now you have one part of your spine that just doesn't move.
00:58:35.000 So you can't, your range of motion...
00:58:38.000 Exactly, it doesn't articulate the same way.
00:58:39.000 Now, they've developed the same guy that invented...
00:58:44.000 Well, not the same guy, in the same country, rather, in Germany.
00:58:47.000 They're doing things in Europe that they're just not doing in America yet, for whatever reason.
00:58:51.000 And one of the things they're doing is they're replacing the discs with artificial discs that articulate.
00:58:57.000 They move around, much like the actual stuff that's in between your bones do.
00:59:02.000 So instead of fusing it and having this one stiff, rigid area, which actually can be really problematic because it puts additional mechanical pressure on the above disc and the below disc.
00:59:13.000 So oftentimes people wind up having multiple discs fused and you got like one stiff fucking back and you're walking around like this and you're shorter like it makes you shorter and makes you have all sorts of problems like mechanical problems the way your body because your body's like going what the fuck is going why are we built different now yeah like well how come I can't move my neck anymore why is it all But it's really common.
00:59:34.000 People get it done all the time.
00:59:35.000 They fuse the discs.
00:59:37.000 And you don't always have to.
00:59:39.000 There's other ways around it.
00:59:41.000 But a lot of doctors just want to start cutting you.
00:59:44.000 They just don't want to start doing...
00:59:46.000 I mean, there's very ethical doctors, and there's sometimes Where they have to do it.
00:59:49.000 There's sometimes when you're like, you know, you're really fucked up, man.
00:59:52.000 We have to do surgery to open up your nerve pathway because your arms are atrophying, which is really common with people that have neck injuries.
00:59:59.000 They'll have one arm that like shrivels up, like it's not getting any nerves.
01:00:03.000 The nerves aren't firing anymore because they're being impinged by this disc, this bulging disc.
01:00:10.000 Scary, scary shit.
01:00:12.000 But doctors just want to fucking cut you up, man.
01:00:15.000 They make money doing it.
01:00:17.000 Yeah.
01:00:18.000 Sure about that doctor that was arrested recently?
01:00:20.000 He was arrested because he was lying to patients and telling them they had cancer and giving them chemotherapy for profit.
01:00:29.000 wow yeah that's uh man yeah intentionally misdiagnosing people and then giving them chemotherapy how do they catch them i don't know someone got a second a bunch of people got a second opinion and that kind of maybe right yeah like what can't what you don't have cancer you're not even fat That's gotta be a weird turn when you're a doctor and you're just like,
01:00:53.000 you know, you're like, I'm just gonna be a bad doctor.
01:00:55.000 Like, you know, because you can't, I mean, you have to know you're a bad doctor at that point.
01:00:59.000 You're like, I'm a bad guy, you know?
01:01:00.000 Yeah.
01:01:01.000 Some people have a way of dancing around reality.
01:01:04.000 You know, there's a book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie.
01:01:06.000 This guy, Dr. Joel Wallach, who's kind of an eccentric character, and basically the premise of a lot of...
01:01:13.000 What his book is about is about how few doctors really understand nutrition and they understand the impact of nutrition on the body and mineral deficiencies that people have that you would treat in like livestock like in animals a lot of times when animals develop issues they change the diet and give them minerals and that they don't do that with people and he found that particularly fascinating because I think he started out as a veterinarian and And one of the things he was talking about is how many doctors abuse
01:01:43.000 drugs because they can get them.
01:01:46.000 It's really easy for doctors to get drugs.
01:01:48.000 And he details this one story of this guy who was in the middle of an operation and stepped away and shot cocaine into his body.
01:01:57.000 Had a fucking heart attack and died so he was in like a storage room dead while this person was cut open In the middle of surgery and they had to try to go look for him and they found him But you would think that you know when you're a doctor you have access to you know Prescriptions and you can get a hold of some medicine and I'm sure it's probably more tightly regulated today than it was in years past Yeah,
01:02:21.000 I mean I'd heard that about dentists I heard dentists have the highest rate of depression for any occupation.
01:02:30.000 The highest amount of suicide for any occupation.
01:02:33.000 A lot of people think that it's because people hate going to the dentist.
01:02:38.000 It's kind of universal.
01:02:40.000 Nobody wants to go to the dentist, so they kind of put it off.
01:02:43.000 They only go when they have to, like they're in pain.
01:02:45.000 So every single person that a dentist sees every day of their professional life is people who are having the worst day of their year.
01:02:53.000 And they're dreading it.
01:02:54.000 So there's this energy of everyone coming in and being like, I'm not happy to see you.
01:02:58.000 I'm stressed out.
01:02:59.000 And that kind of wears on these dentists, so they have the highest suicide rate.
01:03:03.000 And I've heard that because of that, there's a lot of abuse of, because they have the drugs too, but there's less oversight than at a hospital.
01:03:11.000 It's their own private practice, so they just have all this stuff, so there's a lot of abuse there.
01:03:15.000 That totally makes sense.
01:03:17.000 Yeah, I didn't even think about it that way.
01:03:19.000 I've always felt that that was the case with cops.
01:03:24.000 Cops have very high suicide rates as well.
01:03:28.000 I think a lot of it is PTSD. They're always seeing trauma.
01:03:32.000 But they're also dealing with people that don't want to see them all the time.
01:03:36.000 Most of the time when you see a cop, you're like, oh, this fucking cop.
01:03:40.000 The cops are here.
01:03:41.000 Great.
01:03:42.000 So they just deal with that all the time.
01:03:44.000 Plus they have a gun on their belt.
01:03:48.000 It's got to be more in your mind if the gun is constantly there.
01:03:54.000 Just stick it in your mouth?
01:03:55.000 Yeah.
01:03:56.000 Yeah.
01:03:56.000 I'm sure.
01:03:57.000 Yeah, I bet they're probably like number one for shooting themselves.
01:04:00.000 Yeah.
01:04:01.000 You know?
01:04:01.000 It's easy.
01:04:02.000 It's right there.
01:04:03.000 Yeah.
01:04:04.000 Being a cop has got to suck.
01:04:05.000 I don't think anybody's qualified to be a cop.
01:04:06.000 I really don't.
01:04:07.000 Not for more than like an hour.
01:04:09.000 You know?
01:04:10.000 Yeah.
01:04:10.000 Have you ever done a ride-along?
01:04:11.000 No.
01:04:13.000 New.
01:04:13.000 I haven't either.
01:04:14.000 That'd be fascinating, though.
01:04:15.000 Anyone can do it, right?
01:04:17.000 Pretty sure.
01:04:17.000 I feel like you can just call the police station and do a ride-along.
01:04:20.000 That'd be fascinating.
01:04:21.000 What if you do that and the cops get killed and you're in the backseat?
01:04:26.000 In what?
01:04:28.000 And you're just like, I'm just on a ride-along.
01:04:30.000 I'm not a cop.
01:04:31.000 I am white and I'm so sorry for that.
01:04:36.000 I'm not interested.
01:04:37.000 It's like I don't want to go to war either.
01:04:40.000 I don't do a ride along in Afghanistan.
01:04:42.000 No.
01:04:42.000 I have a friend who just got back from that.
01:04:43.000 He's filming a documentary on Afghanistan, and he was embedded with these troops for over a month.
01:04:49.000 And he came back shell-shocked.
01:04:53.000 Really?
01:04:53.000 Yeah.
01:04:54.000 He came back just whacked out.
01:04:57.000 And that's from one month.
01:04:59.000 Yeah.
01:05:00.000 Well, he was a little more than a month.
01:05:01.000 I want to say maybe six weeks.
01:05:02.000 But he came back and he was talking about it.
01:05:05.000 He's a hunter and he's like, there's this really creepy similarity that I didn't take into consideration that these guys are hunting people.
01:05:18.000 I mean, that's really what they're doing.
01:05:19.000 I mean, they're going after, like, certain, you know, quote-unquote insurgents.
01:05:23.000 You know, you give them some interesting names, like insurgents.
01:05:26.000 Like, we never heard insurgents before this war.
01:05:28.000 When the fuck did you ever hear, did they say insurgents during, you know, they said the Viet Cong during Vietnam, right?
01:05:35.000 They said the Nazis and the Japs during World War II. Now it's insurgents.
01:05:41.000 It's like this real way of making things sanitized.
01:05:44.000 But he said essentially, he realized right away, whoa, this is like hunting.
01:05:50.000 These guys, they're not going after a deer so they can eat it.
01:05:53.000 They're going after people.
01:05:54.000 And they knew their behavior patterns.
01:06:14.000 That's crazy.
01:06:23.000 Yeah, he was pretty fucked up.
01:06:25.000 He came back, he was a little weird.
01:06:28.000 He had an idea in his head of what it was going to be.
01:06:30.000 He said, well, go over there, do a documentary.
01:06:35.000 He wanted to kind of show how difficult it was, show the real side of war, but sort of honor these people that are over there.
01:06:43.000 He's got kind of a simplistic way of looking at things, too.
01:06:46.000 You know, fighting for our freedom.
01:06:48.000 He's one of those guys that says shit that you go, okay, what does that mean?
01:06:50.000 And then they just don't expand.
01:06:51.000 Like, it's like fighting for our freedom.
01:06:53.000 Are you sure?
01:06:55.000 Is that exactly what they're doing?
01:06:57.000 Like, people that are telling them to do that, are they doing it because they want freedom?
01:07:01.000 Or is there other ulterior motives?
01:07:03.000 Have you looked into this at all?
01:07:04.000 He didn't.
01:07:05.000 You know, he's just like very surface.
01:07:06.000 American sniper.
01:07:08.000 Exactly.
01:07:09.000 But when he came back, man, he had a fucking completely different idea about it.
01:07:14.000 He had a very realistic portrayal of war when he came back.
01:07:18.000 It was a fucking eye-opener.
01:07:20.000 He was like, this is a clusterfuck.
01:07:23.000 It was a scary clusterfuck.
01:07:26.000 And it's not good by any stretch of the imagination.
01:07:28.000 And there's no way to win this fucking thing.
01:07:31.000 You're over in Afghanistan.
01:07:32.000 It's all mountains.
01:07:33.000 There's no towns.
01:07:34.000 There's Kabul.
01:07:35.000 That's one city.
01:07:36.000 Everything else is warlords that are trapped up in the mountains.
01:07:39.000 And get this.
01:07:40.000 The way they get the warlords to tell the Taliban, they give them Viagra.
01:07:45.000 Viagra?
01:07:46.000 Viagra's the best.
01:07:47.000 Huh.
01:07:47.000 You give them guns.
01:07:48.000 You give them money.
01:07:49.000 But they got guns.
01:07:49.000 They got some money.
01:07:50.000 Yeah.
01:07:51.000 And they got opium everywhere.
01:07:52.000 So Viagra's the one thing that's not local.
01:07:55.000 They need Viagra.
01:07:56.000 Because a lot of these guys are in their 60s and they've got like 30 wives.
01:07:59.000 These bitches are complaining, man.
01:08:01.000 Wow.
01:08:01.000 You know?
01:08:02.000 You can't fuck them once a day.
01:08:03.000 Yeah.
01:08:04.000 Once a month.
01:08:04.000 There should be a Viagra commercial.
01:08:06.000 Yeah.
01:08:07.000 Red, white, and blue flying behind the Viagra.
01:08:09.000 It's keeping you safe.
01:08:11.000 It's one of the main ways they get these guys to rat on the Taliban.
01:08:14.000 That's...
01:08:15.000 Crazy.
01:08:15.000 Do you call it the Taliban anymore or do they call it Al-Qaeda?
01:08:18.000 They don't even talk about Al-Qaeda.
01:08:19.000 It's ISIS now.
01:08:21.000 It's the same people?
01:08:22.000 They're an offshoot.
01:08:23.000 They're a branch of Al-Qaeda.
01:08:25.000 Is it like, you know, Van Halen with David Lee Roth was totally different than Van Halen with Sammy Hagar?
01:08:30.000 Yeah.
01:08:31.000 Is that what ISIS is like?
01:08:32.000 It's like a totally different offshoot of the original band.
01:08:36.000 Yeah.
01:08:36.000 We're getting the band back together.
01:08:38.000 It's ISIL now, right?
01:08:40.000 ISIL? ISIL. Yeah, it was ISIS and now it's the Islamic State.
01:08:44.000 I've heard that too.
01:08:45.000 Yeah, they started it at ISIS and then they changed it to ISIL. It wasn't testing well.
01:08:51.000 It wasn't testing well?
01:08:52.000 They re-branded.
01:08:55.000 Testing.
01:08:56.000 Testing is adorable.
01:08:57.000 Take a bunch of people, when you're doing a television show, you take a bunch of people that don't want to be there, they're getting paid, and then you play a show for them.
01:09:06.000 In Vegas.
01:09:06.000 Yeah.
01:09:06.000 Is it really usually in Vegas?
01:09:08.000 Yeah, they go to Vegas, and they'll grab people off the street, and they'll be like, would you like to see some TV shows that are about to come out?
01:09:16.000 And you'll get $20 off TGI Fridays, kind of thing like that.
01:09:20.000 And people are like, well, because Vegas is like...
01:09:22.000 Where you get a cross-section of everyone from all across the country.
01:09:26.000 Right.
01:09:26.000 So they find that, you know, that you can kind of get people from Iowa, you can get people from Florida, and this one, like, city, so you get, like, a good cross-sheet of what people are gonna think of a show.
01:09:36.000 That's hilarious.
01:09:38.000 That's hilarious.
01:09:39.000 Vegas.
01:09:40.000 That's a weird place to do it, man.
01:09:43.000 It's also like, who are these people?
01:09:46.000 Like, you can't just get a random group of people and ask them about a show, especially if the show is specific, you know, like of a specific genre.
01:09:53.000 You know, you just get a bunch of rednecks and you play, you know, some sophisticated show for them.
01:10:00.000 Like, this is gay.
01:10:02.000 Yeah.
01:10:03.000 Well, it's people who are on vacation who have run out of things to do and will just do anything anyone's...
01:10:09.000 Like, if you're on vacation at Vegas or something, and then somebody was like, do you want to watch, like, five TV shows that you've never heard of?
01:10:18.000 You'd be like, no.
01:10:20.000 Yeah.
01:10:21.000 I just think the idea of testing is ridiculous anyway.
01:10:24.000 This is the way you test it.
01:10:25.000 Put it on the air.
01:10:25.000 Yeah.
01:10:26.000 You know, let creative people come up with it.
01:10:29.000 Let the comedians or the writers or whoever, you know, whatever kind of show it is, let them come up with it, put it together, and go, okay, we like it, let's put this thing on TV. Yeah.
01:10:38.000 And find, you know, trust your instincts on shit.
01:10:41.000 You don't have to bring it to some, well, we brought it to a random group of people, and they'd like a wacky neighbor.
01:10:46.000 Yeah.
01:10:46.000 How come there's no wacky neighbor, man?
01:10:49.000 Well, like, what Amazon does now is they just throw them up online.
01:10:51.000 Yeah.
01:10:52.000 And they just see, all right, which one's got the most, you know, which one do people watch more?
01:10:57.000 Amazon's got so much goddamn money they can do that, right?
01:10:59.000 Yeah.
01:11:00.000 They've got drone money.
01:11:02.000 They're sending drones.
01:11:03.000 They've delivered shit with drones.
01:11:04.000 They're never going to do that.
01:11:05.000 They're never going to do that.
01:11:05.000 I think that was like a publicity stunt.
01:11:07.000 It's never going to happen.
01:11:08.000 You don't think so?
01:11:09.000 No, because, like, if they, if Amazon started sending drones...
01:11:14.000 There would be guys that had eight drones in their garage, their drones trying to get back to Amazon's headquarters.
01:11:20.000 People are going to steal them.
01:11:21.000 They're going to shoot them down and take your packages, too.
01:11:24.000 Yeah.
01:11:24.000 And there's power lines.
01:11:26.000 How are they going to get...
01:11:26.000 Well, they're going to see where they're going.
01:11:29.000 People would steal them.
01:11:30.000 I'd steal them.
01:11:31.000 Would you steal a drone?
01:11:33.000 Yeah, it'd be funny.
01:11:34.000 How rude.
01:11:35.000 An Amazon drone?
01:11:36.000 It's not hurting anyone.
01:11:37.000 If it has a GPS on it, they find it.
01:11:38.000 Like, find a phone?
01:11:39.000 They could find your iPhone.
01:11:40.000 You don't think they could find your fucking GPS? Well, I'd put it somewhere.
01:11:44.000 You'd put it somewhere?
01:11:44.000 No, I wouldn't keep it in my house.
01:11:46.000 I lived in a town in Charlottesville.
01:11:49.000 I lived in Charlottesville, Virginia when I grew up, which is where Dave Matthews was from.
01:11:54.000 And it was like when Dave Matthews was huge.
01:11:56.000 And so it was like a big thing in my town.
01:11:59.000 And like one thing that he did to like give back to the community that he wanted to do was he did this thing where he got a whole bunch of bicycles.
01:12:08.000 And they painted them, like, orange, and they put them all around town, and they're like, Dave Matthews is putting all these bikes around, and they're free, you can get one, ride it to where you need to go, leave it there, and then, you know, it's just a community bicycle kind of thing.
01:12:23.000 And within, like, two months, they were all gone.
01:12:25.000 Two months?
01:12:26.000 All gone.
01:12:28.000 How many bikes?
01:12:29.000 It was a lot.
01:12:30.000 It was like hundreds of bikes.
01:12:31.000 They're all gone.
01:12:32.000 And then for years, because I was in 1920, you go to house parties, and every house party you would go to, there'd be one of the Dave Matthews bikes on the wall, and they're like, I got one of Dave's bikes!
01:12:47.000 You can only have what the people will let you have, and that's why they won't have the Amazon drones, because people are going to steal them.
01:12:53.000 That's funny.
01:12:54.000 Yeah, but you would have to really steal.
01:12:55.000 That's not something you could borrow.
01:12:57.000 Amazon's not going to let you borrow their drones.
01:12:58.000 No, but it's got to come to your house, right?
01:13:01.000 To drop off a package.
01:13:02.000 Yeah, but I think it just drops it off and then takes off.
01:13:04.000 I don't think it waits for you to release it.
01:13:06.000 I think it just drops it off and then that's it.
01:13:09.000 Well, you have your buddy order something.
01:13:11.000 Then you go up on the roof with a baseball bat.
01:13:14.000 You need to wait for that fucker.
01:13:15.000 Imagine if you died because you were trying to hit a fucking drone and you slipped and fell off your roof and broke your neck.
01:13:21.000 That would be a sad funeral.
01:13:23.000 This stupid fuck.
01:13:25.000 He died trying to hit a home run off a drone.
01:13:29.000 God.
01:13:30.000 I don't know what we're going to be doing in a few years, but I have a feeling that within the next couple of decades, it's not even going to involve things being delivered.
01:13:39.000 I think it's going to involve 3D printing.
01:13:41.000 Yeah.
01:13:41.000 I think that's the big one.
01:13:42.000 Like you have a subscription to like Apple or something like that and then you have their account and then they just make your iPod in your living room kind of thing.
01:13:50.000 Yeah, you know how, like, you order, like, a movie on iTunes?
01:13:53.000 You say, hey, I want to watch Taken, or whatever.
01:13:56.000 And you just click it.
01:13:57.000 And then the movie will, you start downloading, and then you start watching it.
01:14:01.000 I think that's what it's going to be like.
01:14:02.000 I want a new pair of Converse Chucks.
01:14:05.000 Right.
01:14:05.000 You know?
01:14:06.000 And then, I wonder if they'll be able to 3D print cloth.
01:14:09.000 That's an interesting question.
01:14:11.000 Hmm.
01:14:11.000 Probably.
01:14:12.000 Why not, right?
01:14:13.000 Yeah.
01:14:14.000 Hmm.
01:14:14.000 I don't know, because it's woven?
01:14:16.000 Like, that's the whole idea of cloth?
01:14:17.000 Well, maybe, like, some sort of, like, um...
01:14:20.000 What are those ShamWow kind of cloths?
01:14:22.000 They're not that comfortable, but...
01:14:25.000 Is that a shammy?
01:14:26.000 Like a shammy is a skin of an animal.
01:14:30.000 Like it's a super absorbent skin of an animal.
01:14:32.000 I'm sure they have synthetic...
01:14:34.000 I think that, yeah, I think that whatever ShamWow was, I don't think it was an animal.
01:14:38.000 What is that?
01:14:39.000 3D printer for fabrics.
01:14:40.000 Well, Jamie just fucking answered our question.
01:14:42.000 Crazy.
01:14:43.000 How does that shit work?
01:14:44.000 You know what's crazy is when...
01:14:45.000 Look at this!
01:14:48.000 When the 3D printing takes off, it's like, you know what happened with music and entertainment, where all of a sudden people could bit-torrent everything?
01:14:57.000 You're going to have that happen to every single industry.
01:15:00.000 Because all of a sudden, you can bit-torrent an iPhone.
01:15:02.000 You wouldn't download a car, would you?
01:15:05.000 And you're like, well, if it was possible, yes, a lot of people would.
01:15:08.000 And you will be able to do it.
01:15:10.000 Yeah, that argument for piracy, I had Paul Stanley from Kissin who's like really adamant that it's stealing, it's stealing.
01:15:17.000 And I was like, you know, it's piracy.
01:15:19.000 I'm like...
01:15:19.000 It's making a copy.
01:15:20.000 Is it?
01:15:21.000 Yeah, it's the original still there.
01:15:23.000 Like, it's not really stealing, you know, but he's used to being rich, and he wants to stay rich, and he wants to keep making millions of dollars, but he was talking about how the industry just disappeared.
01:15:34.000 And I was like, well, it's kind of, but...
01:15:37.000 See, my argument was like, yeah, but...
01:15:40.000 The radio always existed, and you always had radio.
01:15:44.000 And you play the music on radio, and that's what made the music famous.
01:15:48.000 And then people would go out and buy the CD, and you'd make millions.
01:15:51.000 And then they would go out and tour, and you'd make more millions.
01:15:55.000 Well, now one part of that's missing.
01:15:57.000 Right.
01:15:58.000 The buying it is missing.
01:16:00.000 People don't really want to buy it anymore.
01:16:01.000 But they still want to tour.
01:16:03.000 They'll still buy t-shirts.
01:16:04.000 That's always where money came from anyway.
01:16:05.000 It's t-shirts.
01:16:06.000 Like, you know, these people tour, and they, you know...
01:16:09.000 I mean like back in like the old Sun Records days and everything they were on the road all the time You know putting out these singles and then making all their money touring I just gotta go go back to that.
01:16:18.000 Well, I think the record companies are fucked way more than the artists Yeah, because that's why the record companies they're creating these like really fucking like strange deals Especially like with young artists they get talked into these really creepy deals Where, you know, they got locked up for X amount of years,
01:16:35.000 and they're really, like, strange contracts that established artists would never agree to, and then you have to try to get out of them once you get to a certain point.
01:16:45.000 But they're just trying to figure out a way to lock down these artists and try to suck money out of them, where...
01:16:52.000 I mean, what do they have to offer these days?
01:16:54.000 They don't really have anything.
01:16:55.000 It used to be like you needed a record company to release your record and to get you on the radio.
01:16:59.000 But now the radio doesn't mean shit.
01:17:01.000 No.
01:17:01.000 Everyone just wants to get in like a TV show or like in a commercial now.
01:17:05.000 I mean, that's like the payday.
01:17:07.000 Yeah, it's just getting like your song played at the end of some MTV show or getting like your song played in the background of a commercial.
01:17:14.000 That's like the new...
01:17:16.000 Yeah, or just getting it like, okay, like how about that Gangnam Style guy?
01:17:21.000 Like that guy's in a weird spot because everybody knows you ain't gonna make more than one of those dude.
01:17:27.000 Right.
01:17:27.000 You got that one song where no one knows what the fuck you're singing.
01:17:31.000 Yeah.
01:17:32.000 And people go, oh, it's kind of catchy.
01:17:34.000 How many of those can you make, man?
01:17:36.000 And do people want to go see you live?
01:17:38.000 Well, he's a big guy.
01:17:40.000 In Korea?
01:17:41.000 Yeah.
01:17:41.000 He was a star before that, over there.
01:17:46.000 This one just, I think, went international.
01:17:48.000 But the size, how big that song was, he doesn't need to have another one.
01:17:52.000 You think so?
01:17:53.000 I think he'll be able to coast off that for a while.
01:17:55.000 How much money do you think they make?
01:17:57.000 Jamie's like, he's fine.
01:18:00.000 Plus that, that was on so many commercials, too.
01:18:03.000 And then, like, ten years from now, there'll be a nostalgia for it.
01:18:05.000 It'll come back.
01:18:07.000 Really?
01:18:07.000 Oh, like Rick Astley?
01:18:08.000 Yeah.
01:18:09.000 Rick Roll?
01:18:09.000 Yeah.
01:18:10.000 Yeah.
01:18:11.000 I don't know, man.
01:18:11.000 I don't know.
01:18:13.000 You gotta think that...
01:18:16.000 For most artists, that's not going to happen, right?
01:18:18.000 Maybe for him, but for most artists, you got a hit, you got a few songs that people are into, and then you're hoping they're going to come see you live.
01:18:26.000 That's the big thing.
01:18:27.000 But with Paul Stanley, he was just saying that you used to be able to make a lot of money off the sales of the records, and now it doesn't exist anymore because of illegal downloads.
01:18:38.000 But they must be making some money right off of iTunes and shit.
01:18:42.000 Yeah, I think...
01:18:43.000 I mean, I'm sure it was better.
01:18:47.000 Yeah.
01:18:47.000 For, like, the few people that, like, you know, were in this Paul Stanley level, you know, kind of thing.
01:18:55.000 But...
01:18:56.000 I don't know.
01:18:57.000 The flip side of that is that there's a lot of smaller bands that can, you know, get heard now.
01:19:02.000 Like, you know, the internet's been great for, like, small music.
01:19:06.000 I mean, you have a platform.
01:19:07.000 I guess, I don't know.
01:19:09.000 I think it broke up the monopoly.
01:19:11.000 It broke up that industry, which is a really creepy industry.
01:19:14.000 Go ahead, dude.
01:19:14.000 It's alright.
01:19:15.000 I'm going back here.
01:19:15.000 He's got that robot dick.
01:19:17.000 He's gonna suck.
01:19:17.000 Can't help it.
01:19:18.000 Have you watched that movie Artifact?
01:19:19.000 About 30 Seconds to Mars?
01:19:21.000 I did.
01:19:22.000 What is it?
01:19:23.000 Record label battle.
01:19:25.000 Oh, that's the Jared Leto thing.
01:19:27.000 Is that how you say it?
01:19:27.000 Leto or Leto?
01:19:28.000 It's an insane movie talking exactly about what you're talking about.
01:19:31.000 A really famous band that went on tour, sold out everything, and they came back and the record label said they still owe him a million dollars.
01:19:38.000 And they're like, what the fuck?
01:19:40.000 How?
01:19:41.000 And it's a whole three-year battle and the documentary shows everything.
01:19:44.000 Lawyer talks.
01:19:45.000 Wow, and meanwhile, no one's talking about that documentary.
01:19:49.000 It's not like...
01:19:50.000 Yeah, it hasn't.
01:19:51.000 I mean, they still ended up at the end of the movie.
01:19:53.000 I don't want to spoil it or anything, but they're still making music right now.
01:19:56.000 This was a couple years ago when the movie was made.
01:19:59.000 Did you ever see the piece that Courtney Love wrote on the music business?
01:20:03.000 Yeah.
01:20:03.000 That sort of highlights how crazy it is.
01:20:05.000 Like, how much money goes to the record company versus how much goes to the artist.
01:20:10.000 But, again, that was before the internet kind of took the legs out from under that business.
01:20:15.000 Yeah.
01:20:16.000 Napster.
01:20:16.000 For comics, it's giant.
01:20:18.000 We never made any money off of CDs anyway.
01:20:20.000 I mean, you make a little bit.
01:20:21.000 But the real money was always in doing clubs and doing theaters and stuff like that.
01:20:26.000 So the internet is just awesome promotion for that.
01:20:28.000 Like, way better than anything else before.
01:20:31.000 Way better than a radio.
01:20:32.000 Way better than putting out a CD. There's nothing better than the internet.
01:20:35.000 I mean, you guys, I mean, that always blows my mind when I try to think about, like, what, you know, would you have a mailing list?
01:20:41.000 You know, at the end of a show, you put out a pad of a paper and, you know, like, write down, you know, I'll send out a mailing list every year, let you know.
01:20:49.000 I remember when I was a kid, I'd go to the record store and just check to see if the bands that I like had new albums out.
01:20:58.000 Because there was no way to know.
01:21:00.000 Like, you know, you would just go and sometimes, you know, you'd check multiple times a year and then you'd be like, oh, there's a new, there's no way to...
01:21:06.000 Yeah, that's right.
01:21:08.000 Yeah.
01:21:08.000 You know, where they would have like a poster up.
01:21:10.000 Yeah.
01:21:11.000 Like, coming September 3rd, the new, you know, Bon Jovi.
01:21:15.000 Oh!
01:21:16.000 Did you hear?
01:21:17.000 And then the radio would have to tell you.
01:21:19.000 This information was really hard to get back then, man.
01:21:22.000 It was really hard to get anything.
01:21:24.000 I remember I was in the KISS army.
01:21:26.000 You'd get a KISS fan thing in the mail when I was a kid.
01:21:31.000 I don't even remember them saying tour dates.
01:21:35.000 They'd just tell you about the band.
01:21:37.000 You'd get this real superficial version of who they are.
01:21:42.000 It's just so much different now.
01:21:44.000 So much different.
01:21:45.000 You can't be like this mysterious hidden person that lives in a castle, Marilyn Manson style, on top of the hill.
01:21:52.000 You're kind of like...
01:21:52.000 They know you now, man.
01:21:54.000 If they don't know you, they're not going to...
01:21:55.000 It's just...
01:21:56.000 The whole animal's different.
01:21:58.000 People are different.
01:21:59.000 I think human beings...
01:22:01.000 I think we're so used to it, it's hard for us to really conceptualize.
01:22:06.000 It's hard for us to really kind of appreciate how much different just...
01:22:10.000 Interacting with human beings as today in 2015 as opposed to like 1985 well, I I was we were shooting whitest kids when the iPhone came out and We were in production, you know, and I remember like me and a guy Zach from the troop would direct everything so we remember directing you know,
01:22:32.000 we were like midseason and and the day before the iPhone came out and You know, everyone would kind of be talking, you know, in between takes, like everyone would be on set, like, you know, PAs, like, you know, like the costume department, everyone would kind of be like joking around and stuff like that.
01:22:47.000 And then the iPhone came out at midnight.
01:22:49.000 And like, you know, it was a huge thing.
01:22:51.000 Everybody went in line, a lot of people got it.
01:22:52.000 And the next day, everybody was just staring at the iPhone.
01:22:56.000 And it was this thing where I was like, well, it's crazy because I bought one too.
01:22:59.000 And I was like, it's just crazy what this thing can do.
01:23:01.000 And everybody's fascinated with what this can do.
01:23:03.000 But we never went back.
01:23:06.000 It never went back.
01:23:07.000 I thought it was just going to be like a couple days where everyone's just staring at this thing.
01:23:11.000 And that was the dividing point.
01:23:13.000 It changed after that.
01:23:14.000 And now, just interacting with people is just completely different.
01:23:19.000 Well, then the social media really took off because you took it everywhere with you.
01:23:23.000 It wasn't like, well, when I get home, then I will check my social media.
01:23:28.000 I'll check my MySpace page or whatever.
01:23:30.000 No, it wasn't that.
01:23:31.000 It was like you're on the road.
01:23:33.000 You're everywhere you go.
01:23:34.000 You're eating dinner.
01:23:35.000 You're in your car at stoplights.
01:23:36.000 You're looking at your Twitter feed.
01:23:39.000 You see people that are just glued to it.
01:23:42.000 They can't have a conversation.
01:23:43.000 I have some people that come on the podcast and we're in the middle of conversations and then you start...
01:23:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
01:23:50.000 They're not even listening.
01:23:51.000 They're not even paying attention.
01:23:52.000 They're just looking at their fucking phone.
01:23:53.000 Like, they can't help it, man.
01:23:55.000 They can't help it.
01:23:56.000 There's this weird, like, pull.
01:23:59.000 Maybe there's some interesting information.
01:24:00.000 And most of the time, there's not.
01:24:03.000 Most of the time, it's not.
01:24:04.000 It's like you're searching for a present.
01:24:06.000 Like, maybe there's one more Christmas present under that tree.
01:24:08.000 You've just got to find that present.
01:24:10.000 But it's not there.
01:24:11.000 It's very rare that your obsession pays off when you're staring at social media.
01:24:17.000 It's very rare that it was worth the look.
01:24:20.000 We're just looking to see what your friends are doing or thinking.
01:24:23.000 But you don't care what your friends are doing or thinking.
01:24:26.000 It's cool to call you.
01:24:28.000 Yeah.
01:24:28.000 You know, hey man, something fucking crazy happened.
01:24:30.000 Yeah.
01:24:31.000 But now it's like you're constantly looking for more data.
01:24:35.000 And I think the newness of it is like really attractive to us in a way that we have a really hard time controlling, you know?
01:24:42.000 Yeah.
01:24:42.000 Or it's just the beginning of, it's metamorphosis, it's the beginning of evolution, like to us becoming like a synthetic kind of non-carbon based, you know, silicone based being kind of thing.
01:24:54.000 And, you know, then we put nanobots in ourselves and, you know, it's just the first step of that, you know, of evolving.
01:25:00.000 Yeah, I think so.
01:25:01.000 I think that's most definitely what it is.
01:25:03.000 There was an article recently, I think yesterday, about this guy who's dying of cancer.
01:25:08.000 Leukemia, I believe, and he's going to be the first person they inject nanobots into.
01:25:12.000 Wow.
01:25:12.000 Yeah, it's just fucking, it's begun.
01:25:15.000 These tiny little robots, like without it, he's going to die, so let's give it a shot.
01:25:20.000 And I've heard that's supposed to be the norm within like 15 years.
01:25:23.000 What if this dude becomes Dr. Manhattan?
01:25:25.000 Just like...
01:25:26.000 That'd be awesome.
01:25:27.000 Figures out everything.
01:25:29.000 Starts glowing.
01:25:30.000 He's blue.
01:25:30.000 You see his dick everywhere he goes.
01:25:31.000 He doesn't care.
01:25:34.000 I think human beings will definitely have some sort of a weird symbiotic relationship with computers within the next decade.
01:25:42.000 There'll be implants that you'll be able to get data directly downloaded into your brain.
01:25:48.000 I mean, I think it's only a matter of time before they do that.
01:25:51.000 Well, they're saying, I was reading something where they're saying the nanobots thing is going to be commonplace within like 15 years, where you inject them into you, and then it just constantly is doing readouts like, oh, your platelets are low.
01:26:02.000 Oh, your white blood cells are low.
01:26:04.000 And it's just telling your doctor so you can keep up with everything.
01:26:07.000 Kurzweil believes within the next few decades, you're going to have nanobots that are going to allow you to hold your breath for over an hour.
01:26:14.000 They're going to give you these nanobots that somehow or another do something with maybe artificial blood cells or something like that, where they can hold and carry oxygen through your system so well that you'll be able to take a deep breath, jump to the bottom of the pool,
01:26:29.000 and sit there for an hour like a regular person.
01:26:32.000 That's fucking dope.
01:26:32.000 It's fucking crazy, man.
01:26:34.000 That's awesome.
01:26:34.000 No more worrying about drowning for your friend.
01:26:36.000 Yeah.
01:26:36.000 That dummy.
01:26:37.000 Just hold his breath.
01:26:38.000 Hold your breath and walk back.
01:26:40.000 Just get on the ground, on the bottom of the ocean.
01:26:41.000 Walk home.
01:26:43.000 That's awesome.
01:26:45.000 Well, there's already experiments where they've transmitted words from one person to another person in their brain through the internet.
01:26:52.000 Really?
01:26:52.000 Yeah.
01:26:53.000 Yeah, they transmitted a word from one person.
01:26:56.000 Jamie, pull that up, because it's kind of difficult to describe Exactly what they did, but somehow or another, like, say if you're thinking Christmas tree, you know, you actually can send that word to me through the internet,
01:27:12.000 and somehow or another I receive it, I'm not sure I understand it.
01:27:15.000 Yeah, is it visualized?
01:27:17.000 I don't know.
01:27:18.000 Look at this.
01:27:19.000 Scientists transmit thoughts from one brain to another.
01:27:23.000 International team of scientists have succeeded in transmitting the thoughts of one individual into the brain of a second person located thousands of miles away.
01:27:31.000 Combining some of the latest technological marvels with the long arm of the internet is thought to be the first time the two brains have communicated with each other directly over long distance without the sender having to utter a single word.
01:27:43.000 Two greetings.
01:27:44.000 Hola and chow.
01:27:46.000 Oh, can't even do it in America?
01:27:49.000 How come you can't use English, you fucking queers?
01:27:52.000 Made a historic trip from India to France, where they were received and spoken by a researcher who was blindfolded and equipped with earplugs.
01:28:03.000 Wow.
01:28:04.000 Wow.
01:28:04.000 Scientists want to ensure that the receiver knew what his colleague 5,000 miles away was thinking because of the brain-to-brain transmission, not because of some other cue.
01:28:14.000 That's amazing.
01:28:15.000 So somehow or another, those two words were transmitted, and they knew what those two words were, thousands of miles.
01:28:22.000 I don't get it, man.
01:28:23.000 Yeah.
01:28:24.000 Sounds good.
01:28:25.000 I like it.
01:28:26.000 If you told me 30 years ago that they were going to be able to send a video through the mail, I'd be like, what are you even talking about?
01:28:33.000 Or through the air, on a phone.
01:28:35.000 I'd be like, what?
01:28:36.000 What's a video?
01:28:37.000 You're going to be able to send a video?
01:28:40.000 You're watching it on what?
01:28:41.000 You're watching it on TV? Wait a minute, hold on.
01:28:44.000 So a TV show and it's gonna be on what?
01:28:46.000 You gonna hold on to something?
01:28:47.000 Like in Star Trek, they didn't even have fucking...
01:28:50.000 If you look at those stupid phones that they had, they didn't even have buttons on them.
01:28:53.000 They would just like Kirk out.
01:28:54.000 Like the spaceship had to know that they were calling Kirk.
01:28:59.000 But Kirk could call the spaceship and that's it.
01:29:01.000 He couldn't call his girlfriend.
01:29:03.000 He couldn't get to say, hey man, you guys want to eat?
01:29:05.000 Like there wasn't any of that going on.
01:29:07.000 Like they didn't even think that would be possible.
01:29:09.000 Yeah.
01:29:09.000 But they thought that they'd be able to beam you, to break your body down into subatomic particles and reconstruct you on the surface of an alien planet.
01:29:18.000 That makes sense, but you've got to walkie-talkie or something.
01:29:22.000 You've got to say, Kirk out.
01:29:23.000 Kirk out.
01:29:24.000 You couldn't even see call ended on your phone.
01:29:29.000 Yeah.
01:29:30.000 We don't even have any idea what they're going to be able to figure out within the next few years.
01:29:35.000 The concept of transmitting a word through the internet and us understanding what that word is, to you and I, it's like, what are you talking about?
01:29:43.000 But 10, 20 years from now, they're going to be like, of course you do that.
01:29:47.000 That's what you do.
01:29:48.000 You just send words to each other.
01:29:50.000 It would be terrible if it ends up being a Twitter thing, where it's just like, you know, everybody's stupid.
01:29:58.000 Like, went to the mall, it's just constantly rattling around your brain.
01:30:02.000 Do you think that Twitter's making people stupid?
01:30:04.000 No.
01:30:05.000 It's making some people stupid, right?
01:30:07.000 I think it's just, I mean...
01:30:10.000 I don't think it makes people stupid.
01:30:11.000 I think it's just more distractions, stuff like that.
01:30:15.000 Well, you know what is the weirdest thing to me?
01:30:18.000 There's some people that use Twitter, and it seems like everything they're posting, they're manipulating what they think or what they're saying.
01:30:27.000 They're manipulating it in order to get a positive reaction from people.
01:30:31.000 I almost feel like they're not really communicating.
01:30:34.000 They're selling themselves.
01:30:36.000 They're faking it.
01:30:37.000 I always feel that when a celebrity dies, and then everybody posts like, oh my god, this guy meant this to me, or this to me, this to me, this to me, this to me.
01:30:45.000 I get it, but it seems to be about themselves, kind of, in a weird way, where it's like, this is how much this affected my life.
01:30:56.000 Exactly.
01:30:56.000 Or any sort of issue that people, there's a bandwagon of everybody jumping on, like, we gotta find Kony.
01:31:03.000 You know, we gotta find Coney.
01:31:05.000 You know, like that.
01:31:06.000 And it's just your entire timeline is just everybody talking about Coney.
01:31:10.000 I'm like, you watched a video, you know.
01:31:12.000 And that went away immediately.
01:31:14.000 Because the guy jerked off in public.
01:31:16.000 That's it.
01:31:16.000 Yeah.
01:31:17.000 That's all he had to do.
01:31:17.000 He's running around in his underwear in San Diego.
01:31:20.000 Beaten off in the street, losing his mind, and they were like, and this is, meanwhile, this was just the messenger.
01:31:25.000 The guy, Coney, was still a piece of shit.
01:31:28.000 Still a bad guy in Africa, murdering people and shit.
01:31:31.000 And everybody's like, yeah, but that guy was beaten off.
01:31:34.000 I don't want to be a part of this.
01:31:35.000 Well, the weird thing...
01:31:37.000 The weird thing about the Kony thing for me was, because it came out of nowhere.
01:31:41.000 It was just everybody being like, Kony, Kony, Kony.
01:31:43.000 And then you're like, okay, well, that seems like an asshole.
01:31:47.000 Child army, never good.
01:31:50.000 And then you look into it and you're like, so what are you doing?
01:31:52.000 And they're like, well, we want to get the United States involved and send troops over there.
01:31:55.000 And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
01:31:59.000 You know, we've got a couple countries we're already doing that with.
01:32:02.000 Do we need to be adding to the thing?
01:32:04.000 To get after one guy because he just fits on a bumper sticker?
01:32:07.000 Yeah.
01:32:08.000 Coney 2012. And I'm pretty sure if we go over there, we're not going to grab all those kids and put them into school.
01:32:13.000 I think we're going to probably, you know, kill all of his kids.
01:32:16.000 You know, that's kind of what we do when we go over places.
01:32:19.000 They're going to shoot at us.
01:32:19.000 We're going to shoot back.
01:32:20.000 We're super sorry, but we had to save those kids by shooting them.
01:32:23.000 Yeah.
01:32:24.000 Yeah, the Kony 2012 and the Ice Bucket Challenge, they both had that thing in common where I felt like there was an insincerity to the message that people were sending out through social media.
01:32:33.000 Like they were sending it out to get social media brownie points.
01:32:37.000 They wanted everyone to know that they're super conscious and super progressive.
01:32:41.000 And that's one of the things that drives me nuts.
01:32:44.000 There's certain Twitter pages that I'll visit.
01:32:46.000 One of them recently blocked me.
01:32:48.000 Because I've mocked him on the podcast.
01:32:50.000 Hilarious.
01:32:51.000 By the way, dummy, don't you know that all I have to do is log out and I can still see your Twitter page, you dipshit?
01:32:56.000 It's public.
01:32:57.000 Just type it into a browser.
01:32:59.000 I can read all your stupidity.
01:33:01.000 This guy's entire Twitter page is like telling people how they should be living and telling people what's wrong with the way other people are living and what's wrong with the way other people are thinking and what's so bad about certain social issues.
01:33:16.000 It's hilarious.
01:33:18.000 Don't you have sandwiches that you like?
01:33:20.000 Isn't there like a movie you enjoyed?
01:33:22.000 Did you have a great time today?
01:33:23.000 Did you have a revelation today?
01:33:25.000 Did you feel bad about something that maybe you thought?
01:33:27.000 Is there any unique insight as to you as a human being?
01:33:30.000 Or is your whole thing like lessons to other people?
01:33:33.000 Like everybody needs to learn.
01:33:35.000 And this is what's wrong with this.
01:33:36.000 And this is what's wrong with that.
01:33:38.000 And it's all like...
01:33:39.000 Those type of people are almost all either like extreme right-wing...
01:33:46.000 Like, real, like, heavy-duty Republicans.
01:33:49.000 Like, this one dumbass that I go to, he's a young, earth Christian guy, and, you know, everything in his entire timeline is anti-Obama, anti-liberal, anti-gay.
01:34:00.000 Dinosaurs.
01:34:01.000 Yeah, anti-dinosaur.
01:34:02.000 And then this other guy I go to is extreme left-wing.
01:34:05.000 Mm-hmm.
01:34:05.000 And everything that he does is, like, super progressive, super, like, really, like, uber left-wing, uber socially conscious, to the point where I'm not buying it.
01:34:16.000 You sound, you know, you're not even a human.
01:34:18.000 Right.
01:34:18.000 You're like a sounding board for progressive issues.
01:34:21.000 Yeah, you made activism your personality.
01:34:23.000 Exactly!
01:34:24.000 That's a great way to put it.
01:34:26.000 You've made activism your personality.
01:34:28.000 It's a great way to put it.
01:34:29.000 And it's not really activism.
01:34:31.000 It's just talking.
01:34:33.000 Yeah.
01:34:33.000 You're just yapping and bitching about shit.
01:34:36.000 Yeah.
01:34:36.000 You know, either bitching about shit or proclaiming the right way to be.
01:34:41.000 And it's always like, you know, pro-transgender, pro-gay, pro...
01:34:45.000 It's like, I can guess, like, super easy what your position is going to be on anything.
01:34:49.000 It's going to be, like, super uber left-wing, like, down the pipe every time.
01:34:55.000 No nuance, no subtlety to it.
01:34:58.000 Like you're gonna subscribe to whatever the agenda is or subscribe to whatever the ideology, you know, fits.
01:35:05.000 There's a fetishization of being outraged or being offended, you know, for a lot of like on both sides of the thing where you've, you know, I mean, there's genuine outrage and there's genuine being offended at things that there should be,
01:35:24.000 you know, you should be offended by.
01:35:25.000 But then there's some of these people that you see, it just seems like, well, you're kind of reaching.
01:35:30.000 They're recreationally offended.
01:35:31.000 Yeah.
01:35:32.000 Yeah.
01:35:33.000 They're looking for it.
01:35:34.000 There's a lot of reaching.
01:35:35.000 But there's also, I think a lot of it is people just getting used to this new ability to communicate.
01:35:41.000 And they're finding that, I think for some of these people, some of these people are severely socially retarded.
01:35:48.000 And they're finding that they can get love and support when they say things that other folks will agree with.
01:35:54.000 So then that's all they say.
01:35:56.000 All they're doing is saying things they think other people will agree with.
01:35:59.000 And they'll just sound these things out and say them.
01:36:03.000 And most of it is like, duh.
01:36:05.000 There's a lot of stuff like, we should end sexual discrimination.
01:36:11.000 Of course.
01:36:12.000 Who the fuck doesn't...
01:36:13.000 Are you really going to end sexual discrimination by writing about it on Twitter?
01:36:18.000 Yeah.
01:36:19.000 Like, it's gonna be 99% of people that say, check, yes, we should end sexual discrimination.
01:36:26.000 There's a recent study that showed that most people that work out and exercise, he's backing up, sucking on that robot dick.
01:36:33.000 Hear it?
01:36:33.000 You hear it, folks?
01:36:36.000 I gotta get you one of these, dude.
01:36:38.000 These don't make any sound, bro.
01:36:40.000 You just gotta fucking cut your hands up while you carry it.
01:36:43.000 That's all these sharp edges.
01:36:44.000 Look at those sharp edges.
01:36:46.000 You know what you could use this for?
01:36:47.000 If you had a particularly tough cut of meat, you could roll this fucker all over the meat, and it would really soften it up nicely.
01:36:54.000 It's a tenderizer.
01:36:55.000 Yeah, it's a meat tenderizer.
01:36:56.000 I mean, it really is.
01:36:57.000 If you didn't have a meat tenderizer in your house, you could absolutely use this giant hunk of copper.
01:37:04.000 It's fucking weight.
01:37:06.000 That's a sound.
01:37:08.000 Yeah.
01:37:08.000 But I think...
01:37:09.000 Oh, shit.
01:37:10.000 I put it on the wrong spot.
01:37:12.000 I put the...
01:37:13.000 I put it heads down.
01:37:15.000 Heads up.
01:37:17.000 Piece of shit.
01:37:18.000 Thanks for sending it, though.
01:37:20.000 I've overseen it.
01:37:20.000 House fire with that.
01:37:21.000 If you just left it up overnight, and then the whole copper heats up and just burns through your table.
01:37:26.000 You know what happened?
01:37:26.000 It would make weird noises, and then your cat would come over, and your cat would touch it with his paw, and then he would burst into flames, and then he would jump on the couch, freaking out, and then the couch would go up, and then your fucking whole house would go into flames.
01:37:38.000 And it's a Ben Stiller movie.
01:37:39.000 It's just like what it is.
01:37:40.000 Yeah, it was more like an Adam Sandler movie.
01:37:42.000 No.
01:37:43.000 It'd be more Ben Stiller, right?
01:37:45.000 Maybe Will Ferrell.
01:37:46.000 Yeah.
01:37:46.000 I'll say Will Ferrell.
01:37:47.000 Yeah.
01:37:48.000 I think that the internet and the ability to communicate, it's so fresh that there's all these archetype, stereotypical sort of characters that have come up, like the right wing guy.
01:38:01.000 You know who's a great one to follow?
01:38:02.000 Chuck Woolery.
01:38:03.000 The guy from 2 and 2. We'll be right back in 2 and 2. Guy does his bitch about Obama.
01:38:08.000 Yeah.
01:38:09.000 All day.
01:38:10.000 It's all about the Dems.
01:38:12.000 He writes things like, when you write the Dems, you're an idiot.
01:38:15.000 If you write the Dems or the Libs, you're retarded, okay?
01:38:18.000 No-bama.
01:38:18.000 Yeah, no-bama's great.
01:38:20.000 No-bama.
01:38:21.000 But all he does is complain about Obama all day.
01:38:26.000 All day.
01:38:27.000 His fucking entire Twitter feed is complaining about the liberals.
01:38:31.000 Meanwhile, he's living in Texas and bass fishing and whining and doing commercials for prostate pills.
01:38:38.000 Does he do...
01:38:39.000 I feel like a lot of those guys do.
01:38:41.000 Does he have a radio show?
01:38:43.000 I don't think he does.
01:38:44.000 Does he?
01:38:45.000 Is he auditioning for a radio show?
01:38:46.000 Is that what the Twitter feed is of?
01:38:48.000 Here's his...
01:38:48.000 Oh, he has a...
01:38:49.000 Save Us Chuck.
01:38:52.000 Oh, come on.
01:38:53.000 I did his show back...
01:38:56.000 Hold on a second.
01:38:57.000 Look at this.
01:38:58.000 Today on Save Us Chuck...
01:39:00.000 Get the fuck out of here!
01:39:02.000 That's his show?
01:39:03.000 That is so ridiculous.
01:39:06.000 The idea that you would call your show Save Us Chuck.
01:39:10.000 Political satire from a Hollywood conservative.
01:39:13.000 Oh my god.
01:39:14.000 Oh, it's political satire?
01:39:16.000 Is that what it is?
01:39:17.000 You know what would be better?
01:39:18.000 If somebody, like, Onion-style made a Save Us Chuck and just mocked it openly.
01:39:25.000 Nothing ever gets saved from an old actor.
01:39:28.000 I mean...
01:39:30.000 Don't even play any of it, Jamie.
01:39:33.000 He's probably gonna run for a congressman or something wherever he lives.
01:39:36.000 Game show legend Chuck Woolery considers why Democrats are willing to support Bonner.
01:39:44.000 NASA and global warming.
01:39:46.000 When the government is in charge of your funding, you tow the company line, just like all government-funded science.
01:39:53.000 What does that mean?
01:39:54.000 Does he mean he doesn't believe in global warming?
01:39:56.000 Of course you don't.
01:39:57.000 That's an ideological thing.
01:39:59.000 The right wing are reluctant to agree in climate change being something that's a product of human beings.
01:40:06.000 Is he running for president?
01:40:08.000 It says, if you elect me president, my press secretary would be...
01:40:11.000 Oh my god, is he serious?
01:40:13.000 Oh, I hope that happens.
01:40:14.000 And he writes, if you, in gigantic capital letters, elect me president.
01:40:18.000 Write him in.
01:40:18.000 Write him in.
01:40:19.000 That would be hilarious.
01:40:20.000 That would be great.
01:40:21.000 I always felt like he seemed like a nice guy when he was on that show.
01:40:24.000 I did his show.
01:40:24.000 I did the dating game.
01:40:25.000 Get the fuck out of here!
01:40:26.000 When I was 18 years old.
01:40:27.000 No!
01:40:28.000 I did stand-up at the Laugh Factory when I was 18, and they had scouts for the dating game in the audience, and they were like, I guess at that time they were doing two contestants, and then the third contestant was always a comedian.
01:40:42.000 So they were going, trying to find kids that were doing stand-up, and like, basically, you want to be on the dating game?
01:40:47.000 So I got to go do.
01:40:48.000 What was that like?
01:40:49.000 It was weird.
01:40:50.000 I mean, it was actually really like...
01:40:53.000 Because of laws or whatever, they had to make sure that everything is as they say, so you're not allowed to see the other contestant.
01:41:01.000 You're not allowed to see the girl.
01:41:02.000 Right.
01:41:04.000 So they have people following you around with walkie-talkies.
01:41:07.000 To make sure you don't look at her?
01:41:08.000 Contestant number three is on the way to the bathroom.
01:41:10.000 You know, make sure that...
01:41:11.000 So there's really a lot of security.
01:41:14.000 Wow, that's interesting.
01:41:15.000 Did you meet Chuck?
01:41:16.000 Did you hang with him?
01:41:17.000 Did you talk to him about the libs?
01:41:18.000 No.
01:41:19.000 He...
01:41:21.000 I met him when the show started.
01:41:25.000 Here's a perfect ticket.
01:41:26.000 Chuck Woolery, Ted Nugent.
01:41:29.000 Together.
01:41:29.000 At last.
01:41:31.000 Come on.
01:41:31.000 I'd vote for it.
01:41:32.000 Would you?
01:41:32.000 Just to see what happens?
01:41:33.000 Yeah.
01:41:34.000 I would vote for someone ridiculous like that if they got in office and see things go exactly the same way they've always gone.
01:41:40.000 Just like Obama.
01:41:41.000 Yeah.
01:41:42.000 That's the kind of thing I would be really fascinated with.
01:41:44.000 Yeah.
01:41:44.000 Like, you know, it'd be like, I bet.
01:41:46.000 You know, like, really see, like, how much power the president actually has.
01:41:50.000 Yeah.
01:41:51.000 I would love to see what happens if you did elect.
01:41:54.000 Social stuff, though, is dangerous.
01:41:56.000 The real danger with things like...
01:41:59.000 When really hardcore Republicans get in, it's things like gay rights, abortion rights, things along those lines.
01:42:06.000 That is a real...
01:42:07.000 Marijuana legalization, the support of the DEA, raiding medical marijuana.
01:42:13.000 That's real.
01:42:15.000 That's real.
01:42:15.000 They really do have an impact on social issues.
01:42:19.000 Supreme Court justices.
01:42:21.000 That's a big one.
01:42:23.000 That's a big power the president has.
01:42:24.000 Yeah, choosing those right-wing fuckheads who barely believe in evolution.
01:42:29.000 If they said you can vote for a starfish and a puppy and just see what happens, I bet a lot of people would vote for it.
01:42:40.000 We would go to war with Iran the next day.
01:42:42.000 Starfish hates Iran.
01:42:44.000 The puppy's with it.
01:42:45.000 Who would be the president?
01:42:46.000 The starfish or the puppy?
01:42:48.000 Yeah.
01:42:49.000 The crazy thing is, they're talking about Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton.
01:42:54.000 That is, to me, insane.
01:42:57.000 Because doesn't it feel like, you know, just like...
01:42:59.000 Oh, the whole thing's fake.
01:43:00.000 Yes.
01:43:01.000 The whole thing, oh, I mean, you kind of felt it the whole time, but isn't this like, this is the smoking gun, like, oh, it's all rigged.
01:43:06.000 It's all been a trick.
01:43:10.000 I mean, Clinton for eight years, old Bush for four, and then young Bush for eight years.
01:43:17.000 We got Obama, like, hey, we got a new name!
01:43:20.000 And then, what, is Obama's wife gonna run next?
01:43:22.000 Or the kids.
01:43:23.000 Yeah.
01:43:24.000 You have Chelsea Clinton, then you've got...
01:43:26.000 No, but they really do!
01:43:27.000 They've got another, they've got a brand new Bush.
01:43:29.000 They're down in Texas.
01:43:31.000 A new one?
01:43:32.000 Who's the new one?
01:43:33.000 Neil, or something.
01:43:33.000 Neil?
01:43:34.000 He just ran for Treasury, or something.
01:43:37.000 And he won, and he's young, and he's handsome, and he's like, they're saying, like, he's like the next in queue.
01:43:44.000 Oh, God.
01:43:45.000 Neil Bush.
01:43:46.000 No, that's not Neil.
01:43:46.000 It's another one.
01:43:48.000 He's fairly young.
01:43:49.000 Look up, like, Texas.
01:43:51.000 Midland, Texas.
01:43:53.000 It's recent.
01:43:54.000 How many Bushes are there?
01:43:55.000 Neil Bush and his family.
01:43:58.000 Maybe it's not Neil.
01:43:59.000 It's another George.
01:44:01.000 Scary-ass robots.
01:44:04.000 Yeah, he's a Texas.
01:44:05.000 He just won election this year or last year.
01:44:08.000 Chuck Woolery.
01:44:09.000 That's who I'm voting for, goddammit.
01:44:11.000 Save us, Chuck.
01:44:13.000 We'll be right back in two and two.
01:44:15.000 He would end all his fucking press conferences like that.
01:44:18.000 Oh, god.
01:44:20.000 I wonder if he would be terrified if he won the presidency, just being like, oh.
01:44:25.000 I wonder if he would realize that he's not Probably capable of being president or if you just not get it at all.
01:44:34.000 Just be like, I should be president.
01:44:35.000 I think he probably thinks he should be president.
01:44:37.000 Yeah.
01:44:37.000 Ted Nugent thinks he should be president.
01:44:39.000 It's a narcissism thing.
01:44:41.000 Just the idea that I should be in charge is...
01:44:43.000 All presidents are probably crazy.
01:44:45.000 I don't think anybody should be president.
01:44:47.000 I really don't think that it should be an option.
01:44:49.000 It should be a computer.
01:44:50.000 Yeah.
01:44:50.000 I mean, we'll probably get there in the next 20 years.
01:44:54.000 We have a computer, we program in all of our laws, you know, and we were like, okay, now, you know, make the right choice.
01:45:01.000 Yeah, but it's programmed by people, and people can influence the programming.
01:45:04.000 I mean, that was one of the big deals with electronic voting machines, right?
01:45:08.000 No, we have that computer be built by a computer.
01:45:11.000 Oh, well then we're fucked.
01:45:12.000 Because the computer is just going to take over.
01:45:14.000 Then it's like what Elon Musk is worried about.
01:45:16.000 George P. Bush.
01:45:17.000 See, look at that.
01:45:18.000 That's going to be the next.
01:45:19.000 He's going to be president.
01:45:20.000 He's got a lazy eye.
01:45:21.000 Look at that left eye.
01:45:22.000 So did Kennedy.
01:45:22.000 Somebody punched him.
01:45:23.000 Kennedy had a lazy eye?
01:45:25.000 Yeah.
01:45:25.000 I dated a girl who had a lazy eye and I found lazy eye sexy for a short period of time.
01:45:30.000 She was kind of a freak.
01:45:32.000 She was a freak with a lazy eye.
01:45:34.000 I developed a lazy eye fetish for at least a year.
01:45:37.000 Did you...
01:45:44.000 It's a...
01:45:44.000 Yeah.
01:45:45.000 It's a very small you porn search.
01:45:48.000 Well, why are glasses hot?
01:45:49.000 Girls with glasses are hot, you know?
01:45:51.000 Girls with crutches aren't hot.
01:45:52.000 Like, why is some disabilities hot?
01:45:54.000 Mm-hmm.
01:45:55.000 You know, a girl with glasses is something sexy about, like, hot chicks with glasses.
01:45:58.000 Because it's like a library.
01:45:59.000 It's like an older authority figure.
01:46:01.000 Glasses are authority.
01:46:02.000 Ooh, is that what it is?
01:46:03.000 Mm-hmm.
01:46:04.000 Someone who's reading so much, their eyes go bad.
01:46:06.000 Yeah.
01:46:06.000 Look at that hot bitch.
01:46:07.000 She can't even see.
01:46:08.000 Plus, you can take your glasses off your ugly.
01:46:10.000 She doesn't even know.
01:46:15.000 She can feel you, though, if you're fat and ugly.
01:46:17.000 She'd be like, damn, she can feel me.
01:46:19.000 She can't see me.
01:46:19.000 Girl with glasses and no hands.
01:46:22.000 There you go.
01:46:22.000 She can feel your weight on top of her, though.
01:46:24.000 You know, she wraps her legs around you.
01:46:26.000 She's like, what is all this fucking fat, you slob?
01:46:29.000 Like, what are you talking about?
01:46:29.000 You don't have hands.
01:46:31.000 What are you being picky for?
01:46:37.000 Fetishes are weird, man.
01:46:38.000 I had a foot fetish too when I was a kid for a little while.
01:46:40.000 I got rid of it.
01:46:42.000 That's a popular one.
01:46:42.000 I don't get it.
01:46:43.000 I don't get that one.
01:46:45.000 All you need is one girl when you're like 18 to play with your dick with her feet.
01:46:49.000 And then you got it.
01:46:50.000 And then you're good.
01:46:51.000 Yep.
01:46:51.000 It's over.
01:46:52.000 All you need is one bad nanny growing up, and you got a foot fetish.
01:46:56.000 Yeah, I used to talk about it in my act.
01:46:59.000 There was a magazine that we found in the woods once when I was a kid.
01:47:02.000 It was Foot Action Magazine.
01:47:06.000 It was me and these two friends of mine, my friend Josh and my friend Pedro.
01:47:13.000 And we're going over these magazines.
01:47:17.000 Like some dude left a magazine bag, like a plastic bag under a log.
01:47:22.000 And when you're a kid and you're in the woods and you find magazines, it's almost always porn.
01:47:27.000 And so we're going through this magazine and it was just like no one was talking because it was all like foot stuff.
01:47:36.000 You know, it's like weird.
01:47:37.000 And then like three minutes in my friend goes, dude, this shit is all just dicks and feet.
01:47:46.000 I'll never forget him saying that.
01:47:50.000 I'll never forget those words coming out of his mouth.
01:47:53.000 Because we were totally quiet while we were confused.
01:47:56.000 Because we were only like 11. And he's like, dude, this shit is all just dicks and feet.
01:48:02.000 And articles.
01:48:03.000 There was no articles, man.
01:48:05.000 You know, obviously, again, pre-internet.
01:48:08.000 You know, any 11-year-old kid has probably seen hours of hardcore ass porn.
01:48:12.000 At this point, yeah.
01:48:13.000 I just think it's so crazy.
01:48:14.000 I mean, there's a time where there's just like, you know, guys would just go out into the woods with a foot magazine and just jerk off and leave it there.
01:48:22.000 Like, that's like the scariest person I can think of.
01:48:24.000 Meanwhile, there's probably someone listening to us right now with earbuds jerking off to a foot magazine.
01:48:29.000 It's not that weird.
01:48:30.000 Hey, how'd you guys know, man?
01:48:32.000 I mean, when you get enough numbers, you know, you get like a million people that listen to a podcast at once, you know, there's got to be one dude out there jerking off to a foot magazine.
01:48:41.000 Yeah.
01:48:41.000 If you looked at it, there's a million, yeah, right?
01:48:43.000 That's one of the bigger fetishes, isn't it?
01:48:45.000 Probably.
01:48:46.000 It's a pretty big one.
01:48:46.000 Yeah.
01:48:47.000 What are their big fetishes?
01:48:49.000 Like big girls?
01:48:49.000 Some guys like really big girls?
01:48:51.000 Yeah.
01:48:53.000 There's all those kids that dress up like animals.
01:48:56.000 Furries.
01:48:57.000 Furries.
01:48:58.000 Have you ever seen them?
01:48:59.000 Been there alive?
01:49:00.000 We were playing a festival in Atlanta, and it was the furry convention in town, same day.
01:49:09.000 And we were all in the same hotel room, and we had driven from Florida.
01:49:13.000 We had just done a show in Florida, and then we were sketched out by the hotel that was provided for us.
01:49:18.000 We were like, we're just gonna fucking drive to Atlanta.
01:49:20.000 So we drove all night.
01:49:21.000 So we got into the...
01:49:22.000 That hotel was so sketchy, you drove all night?
01:49:25.000 There was blood.
01:49:26.000 We flipped the mattress over, and there was blood on the bottom of it.
01:49:30.000 Slip it back.
01:49:31.000 No, we flipped it for a reason.
01:49:34.000 Shit on one side.
01:49:36.000 So we're like, fuck this, we're driving to Atlanta.
01:49:39.000 So we drove like all night and then we get in and we're like, we're all almost like delirious, like tired.
01:49:44.000 So I'm like, I get into the hotel and then we're seeing all these furries everywhere.
01:49:48.000 And I was like, what the fuck?
01:49:51.000 Is there a mascot convention in town?
01:49:53.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:49:53.000 Well, the weird thing is like kids are coming up to them because the kids see like, you know, oh, it's a mascot and they're like hugging them.
01:49:59.000 I'm like, don't hug that costume.
01:50:01.000 Yeah.
01:50:02.000 It's not goofy.
01:50:03.000 But I checked into my room, and there was, you know, most of the hotel was rented by furries, and there was the loudest, like, sex going on, like, against the wall while I was trying to sleep, and all I wanted to do was,
01:50:18.000 like, midday, and I just wanted to get, like, a couple hours of sleep before the show that night, and it's just, like, loud sex, and then these guys just getting in fights, being like, I would never...
01:50:28.000 I would never, just repeating that again and again, I would never, like, you know, and then just more sex kind of stuff.
01:50:35.000 And then it was, that's my only encounter with furries.
01:50:41.000 I stumbled upon one as well in Pittsburgh.
01:50:45.000 I was in Pittsburgh, and apparently that's one of the places where they have big, they used to have a big one in San Diego, but they moved it to Pittsburgh because Pittsburgh is more open-minded than San Diego.
01:50:55.000 That doesn't make any sense to me, but this guy was telling me that he might be bullshitting me, but apparently San Diego's like a pretty conservative town in a lot of ways, because there's a lot of military down there.
01:51:05.000 Well, you put a furry convention in a military community, that's probably not...
01:51:11.000 I had never seen it in person.
01:51:12.000 And it was just total dumb luck that we were in town the exact same time.
01:51:16.000 And when we got to our hotel, the people that were working there were ecstatic to talk to people that weren't furries and wanted to tell you all the things that furries were asking for.
01:51:26.000 Oh, wow.
01:51:27.000 And one of the crazy things they were asking for, they want all their food in bowls.
01:51:30.000 They want to eat on the ground like a dog.
01:51:32.000 And they asked, like, room service, they could deliver their food in bowls, like milk.
01:51:36.000 They wanted milk in a bowl, like a dog, so they could drink out of it.
01:51:39.000 And they wanted a litter box in the hallway.
01:51:42.000 They asked for a litter box in the lobby.
01:51:44.000 They gotta draw the line there.
01:51:46.000 The guy was like, what?
01:51:48.000 And I said, hold on.
01:51:49.000 The guy asked you to put a regular-sized litter box?
01:51:52.000 He goes, no, they wanted a large box.
01:51:54.000 They wanted to pay to have a large litter box installed in the lobby.
01:52:00.000 And their thoughts were, hey, we have this whole hotel.
01:52:04.000 We bought out the whole hotel.
01:52:06.000 It wasn't the whole hotel.
01:52:07.000 I was in the hotel, too.
01:52:08.000 Right.
01:52:08.000 But there was a few other people that weren't furries.
01:52:10.000 So you want to shit in the lobby.
01:52:11.000 They wanted to shit in the lobby.
01:52:12.000 That's insane.
01:52:13.000 Or at least pee.
01:52:14.000 Like, they asked the guy.
01:52:15.000 I mean, they could have been pulling the guy's leg.
01:52:17.000 But I guarantee you, if the guy said yes, somebody would have shit in that lobby.
01:52:20.000 Oh, yeah.
01:52:21.000 If they had, like, a big, like, sandbox.
01:52:24.000 Yeah.
01:52:24.000 Like, one of the ones that kids play in, filled with cat litter.
01:52:28.000 Yeah.
01:52:28.000 I love...
01:52:30.000 I love going to, like, different, like, groups' message boards and just, like, hanging out on them, like, lurking on them and just reading them.
01:52:39.000 And it's, like, one of my favorite things to do at night.
01:52:40.000 And I've been on, like, furry ones before.
01:52:43.000 And it's like, they're, like, serious about that stuff.
01:52:45.000 It's insane.
01:52:46.000 It's like...
01:52:46.000 And that is a very new thing.
01:52:51.000 Something happened.
01:52:52.000 I don't know if it's Wi-Fi signals or cell phone service, but something...
01:52:58.000 Something did something to people.
01:52:59.000 Vaccines!
01:53:00.000 Yeah.
01:53:01.000 Jenny McCarthy's right.
01:53:02.000 What if it's, um, there's the other thing, these spirit animals.
01:53:07.000 Like, people, like, I'm a fox kin, like, fox is my spirit animal.
01:53:12.000 Other kins.
01:53:12.000 Other kins.
01:53:13.000 Other kins.
01:53:13.000 There's planet kins.
01:53:14.000 There's girls who think that, I do a song about it on this new album.
01:53:18.000 I do a song called Bullies.
01:53:21.000 Where the whole point of the song is like, you know, everyone's cracking down on these bullies, but like, okay, fine, bullies are bad, but like, if the bullies go away, we're screwed.
01:53:29.000 Like, because...
01:53:30.000 People gotta get out of control.
01:53:31.000 Because they're keeping you in line.
01:53:33.000 Like, you know, when I was a kid, I... You know, you go away for the summer.
01:53:38.000 You know, you don't see your friends so much like that.
01:53:41.000 And so I was really into Ninja Turtles.
01:53:43.000 And like, and so then when it gets to be around like 13 or years old, like I come back to school with all my Ninja Turtle toys, you know, thinking that everybody's going to like, you know, be still into Ninja Turtles.
01:53:52.000 And then everybody just made fun of me.
01:53:54.000 Like, what are you doing with toys?
01:53:55.000 Like, and I was like, okay, good.
01:53:57.000 Duly noted.
01:53:57.000 Got rid of them.
01:53:58.000 And it was fine.
01:53:59.000 Like, you know, because the bullies kept me in line.
01:54:01.000 They kind of told me like, that's not cool anymore.
01:54:03.000 Yeah, they mock you.
01:54:04.000 Yeah.
01:54:05.000 When I was a kid, I was 11, and I moved from Florida to Boston, and I guess I was 11, 12, I might have been 13. Yeah, about 13 and I guess I was in middle school and I went to this I was in Jamaica Plain,
01:54:21.000 which is kind of it now it's become more gentrified But when I lived there it was pretty sketchy.
01:54:26.000 It was like late 70s early like maybe 1980 at the latest 1980 I think high school freshman year was 81 for me.
01:54:34.000 So I guess it was like 1979 or 1980 and I had like an incredible Hulk lunchbox And, you know, and when you're in a fucking, you know, quote-unquote urban middle school and you show up with a fucking cartoon lunchbox,
01:54:49.000 you get shit all over.
01:54:52.000 I had that lunchbox for one day.
01:54:54.000 I remember, like, I was so happy I got this lunchbox.
01:54:57.000 I was, like, super psyched.
01:54:58.000 I love the Hulk.
01:54:59.000 And they fucking looked at me like I was, like, a victim.
01:55:02.000 Like, I was, like, ready.
01:55:03.000 I was going to get attacked.
01:55:04.000 Like, I was a limping antelope straying in front of the waterhole.
01:55:08.000 Back of the herd.
01:55:08.000 Yeah, I mean, I realized, like, I gotta get rid of this thing.
01:55:11.000 I remember thinking to myself, I gotta leave it in a locker somewhere.
01:55:13.000 I gotta take this lunchbox and just leave it somewhere.
01:55:16.000 I can't even bring it home because, like, I'm in danger carrying it around.
01:55:20.000 Like, carrying it around like it was a target.
01:55:22.000 None of the other kids had lunchboxes with, like, cartoons.
01:55:25.000 Like, there was no innocence at all.
01:55:27.000 It was non-existent.
01:55:28.000 It was like a dangerous, creepy school environment.
01:55:32.000 And here I am walking around with this fucking lunchbox.
01:55:34.000 But if you didn't have that experience, you could be dressing up like Hulk today, being in a hotel room with like...
01:55:40.000 Comic-Con.
01:55:40.000 Yeah.
01:55:41.000 But it's not bad.
01:55:42.000 I mean, Comic-Con, I've never been.
01:55:44.000 I've been to San Diego while it was happening.
01:55:46.000 They're having a good time, you know?
01:55:48.000 Yeah.
01:55:48.000 No, I think there's a huge difference between the cosplayers and Comic-Con and furries.
01:55:54.000 What's the difference?
01:55:56.000 I think that they'll...
01:55:57.000 Are you backtracking?
01:56:00.000 No, I'll stick with it.
01:56:01.000 I'll stick with it.
01:56:02.000 Okay, let's explore this.
01:56:04.000 Well, I think the furry thing, and I'm probably wrong, but the quick take that I get away from it, is that it seems to be a lot about sex.
01:56:15.000 You know, like dressing up and having sex with other animals.
01:56:18.000 They defend that, though.
01:56:19.000 Yeah.
01:56:20.000 If you bring that up to furries...
01:56:21.000 They say, no, it's not about that.
01:56:22.000 Furries contact me, because we shit on them in a podcast, because, you know, I've heard that as well, and they say, it's not about that.
01:56:31.000 Yeah.
01:56:31.000 But that's what people say about anything.
01:56:33.000 True.
01:56:33.000 People don't want to ever admit it's just about sex, about weird...
01:56:36.000 But on the other hand, now I'm even doubting myself, I'm playing devil's advocate to myself, even if it is about that, and it's just a person who wants to dress up like an animal and fuck another guy dressed like an animal, who gives a shit, really?
01:56:49.000 I mean, I think it's weird, but it doesn't affect me at all.
01:56:55.000 It's voluntary.
01:56:56.000 As long as things are voluntary, who cares?
01:56:58.000 You can be weird and voluntary.
01:57:00.000 It's not a bad thing to want to fuck a mascot.
01:57:04.000 Why is that awful?
01:57:05.000 But it's also not bad to think it's weird.
01:57:07.000 Yeah, it's not bad.
01:57:08.000 It's definitely not bad to think it's weird.
01:57:10.000 But there's a lot of weird shit that we just accept.
01:57:12.000 What's up with garter belts?
01:57:14.000 Why do people like thigh-high stockings and elastic bands that connect your underwear to your stocking?
01:57:21.000 What the fuck is all that about?
01:57:23.000 That's weird shit, too.
01:57:24.000 Why is that hot?
01:57:27.000 Yeah.
01:57:28.000 Lingerie?
01:57:28.000 I don't get it.
01:57:31.000 Jesus Christ, piece of shit.
01:57:33.000 I did it again.
01:57:34.000 I set this fucking shitty thing down and it's hot as fuck every time I do it.
01:57:39.000 We're gonna burn the studio to the ground.
01:57:41.000 The studio's going down.
01:57:42.000 But if you look at it like that, it's like a lunar module or something.
01:57:46.000 Yeah, it looks like a miniature from like an old sci-fi film.
01:57:51.000 I've never seen one so stupid.
01:57:52.000 I've seen a bunch of these things.
01:57:54.000 I've never seen one this dumb.
01:57:55.000 It's like a Flash Gordon dildo.
01:57:57.000 I just can't understand why anybody would make it so hard to hold on to.
01:58:01.000 Like, the idea that it's so sharp-edged.
01:58:04.000 Yeah.
01:58:05.000 How did that happen?
01:58:07.000 Where'd that come from?
01:58:08.000 What?
01:58:09.000 The giant vape thing.
01:58:11.000 How come they have the little e-cigarettes, and the little e-cigarettes where it looked like a cigarette, and then it turned into, like, black ones, like, ooh, it's murdered out.
01:58:19.000 You got a murdered cigarette.
01:58:20.000 It's all black, blacked out.
01:58:22.000 And then it turned into these goddamn robots.
01:58:24.000 I think it's all battery life.
01:58:26.000 I think it's because the batteries in these things, you know, I think this will last like a day.
01:58:31.000 You know, you can kind of hit it all day.
01:58:33.000 That's it?
01:58:34.000 Yeah.
01:58:35.000 That only lasts a day?
01:58:36.000 How many times a day do you hit that thing?
01:58:38.000 Constantly.
01:58:39.000 And you were smoking how much?
01:58:40.000 It was a pack a day for a while, and then I switched to this.
01:58:47.000 But I bet my nicotine level is through the roof.
01:58:49.000 I bet I take in more nicotine now than when I smoked a pack a day.
01:58:53.000 But nicotine is not necessarily what's dangerous, right?
01:58:55.000 Well, it's not great for you.
01:58:57.000 I mean, it'll raise your blood pressure.
01:58:59.000 You know, you still got problems with heart attack, stroke, kind of things like that.
01:59:05.000 For real?
01:59:06.000 Yeah, because it raises, it's a stimulant.
01:59:08.000 So it raises your blood pressure.
01:59:10.000 You gotta really jack it up all day, though, to get that kind of response, don't you?
01:59:14.000 Yeah.
01:59:14.000 Which I do.
01:59:15.000 I do.
01:59:17.000 But as far as carcinogens, I think it's pretty in the clear.
01:59:21.000 As far as they know, right now.
01:59:23.000 Did you ever see that Russell Crowe?
01:59:25.000 He's backing up.
01:59:26.000 Hear it?
01:59:27.000 I'm trying to keep it quiet.
01:59:29.000 No, don't worry about it, man.
01:59:31.000 What was that Russell Crowe movie, The Insider, is that what it was?
01:59:34.000 Yeah.
01:59:34.000 Where he was a scientist that worked for the cigarette companies and he was testifying about all the different chemicals that they put.
01:59:42.000 Yeah.
01:59:44.000 That's terrifying shit.
01:59:45.000 Yeah.
01:59:46.000 The number of chemicals they allowed, the FDA allowed 599 plus chemicals.
01:59:52.000 I mean, I remember, I was just talking about this last week, where there's, um, I remember when I was a kid, you know, you download, like, Anarchist Cookbook and all this stuff from, like, the internet, and There was a CIA handbook that you could download.
02:00:06.000 I don't know if it's real or not, but one of the things that they told you how to do in there is they said there's enough chemicals in a pack of cigarettes to kill somebody.
02:00:14.000 You boil it down, you distill it, and you can make a paste that you'd put on a doorknob.
02:00:20.000 And then if somebody touches it, it'll kill them.
02:00:22.000 It'll give them the same type of deal with the nicotine thing, where it's an absorbent toxin.
02:00:27.000 That's so crazy.
02:00:29.000 That's so crazy.
02:00:30.000 It says here, cigarette smoke contains 4,000 chemicals, including 43 known cancer-causing compounds and 400 other toxins.
02:00:41.000 43 out of 4,000 is not that bad, though.
02:00:44.000 Only 43 of them cause cancer.
02:00:46.000 But there is 599 ingredients.
02:00:50.000 So I don't know why there's 599 ingredients and 4,000 chemicals.
02:00:55.000 I don't know how that works.
02:00:56.000 But all those things were approved.
02:00:58.000 That's what's really crazy.
02:01:00.000 They say, yeah, yeah, yeah, put that in.
02:01:01.000 We're thinking about throwing formaldehyde and just, oh, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
02:01:06.000 We're still golfing, right?
02:01:07.000 Yeah, you're golfing.
02:01:08.000 I mean, it's through all these different chemicals, and what's really fascinating about it is the object, or the purpose of all these chemicals is just to try to make you more addictive.
02:01:20.000 Right.
02:01:20.000 That's what it is.
02:01:21.000 That's where the flavor comes from.
02:01:22.000 Does it?
02:01:23.000 I don't know.
02:01:23.000 I don't think so.
02:01:24.000 All those cancer chemicals?
02:01:25.000 I mean, they're just, they add a bunch of shit, accordingly, to that movie, that Russell Crowe movie.
02:01:29.000 Yeah.
02:01:30.000 Just to try to get you more and more hooked.
02:01:33.000 Yeah.
02:01:35.000 Does a great job.
02:01:36.000 Yeah.
02:01:36.000 It's really addictive.
02:01:37.000 Imagine if you came out with a product today that did the damage the cigarette did and you tried to push it.
02:01:42.000 You know, if you came out with some new thing.
02:01:44.000 Yeah.
02:01:45.000 And it killed, you know, fucking half a million people a year.
02:01:49.000 Like a vaporizer that gets super hot and burns down.
02:01:52.000 This isn't killing anybody, man.
02:01:54.000 Not yet.
02:01:55.000 It's not mass-produced.
02:01:56.000 Do you think they're dangerous?
02:01:58.000 No, I was talking about that one because it gets so high.
02:02:02.000 I don't know.
02:02:03.000 I mean, it takes a long time to find this stuff out, doesn't it?
02:02:06.000 Don't they have to do like 20-year studies and things before they kind of really know?
02:02:11.000 I mean, as far as it...
02:02:12.000 I read about it because I do it all...
02:02:15.000 I use the vaporizer, so I like...
02:02:16.000 So you worry?
02:02:17.000 Yeah, a little bit.
02:02:18.000 I look up whenever I see anything about it, and it seems like they find...
02:02:22.000 It's not as good as not doing anything.
02:02:26.000 Yeah.
02:02:26.000 But it's a lot better than smoking.
02:02:29.000 It's not as good for you as not doing it, but it's not as bad for you as smoking cigarettes.
02:02:35.000 So for people that smoke cigarettes, you've got to kind of weigh your options.
02:02:39.000 Like, do you think you're going to be able to quit?
02:02:42.000 And if you can, you should just quit on your own.
02:02:45.000 Right.
02:02:46.000 But if you don't think you're going to be able to quit, you can kind of do that and get your fix.
02:02:51.000 Yeah.
02:02:51.000 Is it as good?
02:02:52.000 Uh, no, it's not as good.
02:02:54.000 But, like, I've been doing it for, like, seven years now, and now I don't even...
02:02:59.000 Like, when I want nicotine, I don't think about a cigarette.
02:03:02.000 Like, I want...
02:03:03.000 You think about that?
02:03:03.000 Yeah.
02:03:04.000 When was the last time you smoked a cigarette?
02:03:06.000 An hour ago.
02:03:07.000 No.
02:03:08.000 I probably actually smoked one probably a month ago, but like one at like a party.
02:03:13.000 One?
02:03:13.000 Yeah.
02:03:14.000 You could do that?
02:03:14.000 Yeah, because I just, I mean, I smoke one cigarette maybe three or four times a year, like really infrequently now.
02:03:22.000 Stephen King gives himself one cigarette when he finishes a book.
02:03:25.000 Oh, wow.
02:03:25.000 That's why I write so many books.
02:03:28.000 Probably.
02:03:28.000 It's his whole motivation.
02:03:29.000 But isn't that interesting?
02:03:30.000 Like he allows himself a cigarette when he finishes a book.
02:03:33.000 Huh.
02:03:34.000 Yeah.
02:03:36.000 It's good to help up your productivity.
02:03:40.000 There's a documentary that I'm in called The Culture High, a recent documentary by the same people that did this other documentary I was in called The Union, and it's all about how the prison industry and the medical marijuana and marijuana has been demonized,
02:03:57.000 how many people are in jail because of it, and just the percentage of people that are nonviolent drug offenders that are in there because of marijuana, and how many How many people, like, literally the drug war would dissolve if it wasn't for marijuana being illegal.
02:04:09.000 The amount of people that get arrested for other drugs pales in comparison.
02:04:13.000 But one of the things they talked about was cigarettes, and they said that if you take, if you smoke two packs of cigarettes, that's the breaking number, where you are 4,000 times more likely to get cancer.
02:04:25.000 Two packs of cigarettes.
02:04:27.000 Yeah.
02:04:27.000 In your life.
02:04:28.000 No.
02:04:28.000 No, no, no.
02:04:29.000 Every day.
02:04:29.000 Oh, every day.
02:04:30.000 Two packs a day.
02:04:31.000 Oh, oh, oh.
02:04:31.000 4,000 times more.
02:04:33.000 I might have made those numbers up, by the way.
02:04:34.000 They sound good.
02:04:35.000 I listened to it on a plane.
02:04:36.000 I mean, I watched it on a plane.
02:04:37.000 Half a week.
02:04:38.000 That's crazy.
02:04:39.000 That's a lot of cigarettes though.
02:04:40.000 Two packs a day.
02:04:40.000 Not for Doug Stanhope.
02:04:42.000 That motherfucker throws him down.
02:04:44.000 John Mellencamp does four packs a day.
02:04:45.000 Does he really?
02:04:46.000 I heard that.
02:04:47.000 I was in one of his shows about him.
02:04:49.000 He smokes like four.
02:04:50.000 But when you ever see him in an interview, he's smoking and then he's lighting the other one.
02:04:54.000 When that one's going out, he's just going back to back on those things all day.
02:04:59.000 I was in Indiana at a UFC, and John Mellencamp was in the audience, and they showed a picture of him.
02:05:05.000 They showed the video of him in the crowd, and showed it to the audience, and they booed him.
02:05:10.000 Really?
02:05:11.000 Boo!
02:05:13.000 Liberal!
02:05:14.000 And I had to ask, I go, why don't they like John Mellencamp?
02:05:18.000 He's from Indiana.
02:05:19.000 I was born in a small town, the whole deal?
02:05:21.000 Nope.
02:05:22.000 He's a liberal.
02:05:23.000 He must have said something.
02:05:24.000 There must have been something.
02:05:26.000 I wonder if he got outspoken on some sort of issue that like...
02:05:31.000 Slavery, something like that.
02:05:34.000 He don't even like that.
02:05:36.000 Yeah, I don't know what it was, man, but they booed the shit out of him and I was like, that is crazy.
02:05:40.000 Jack and Diane.
02:05:42.000 Yeah, he likes...
02:05:43.000 He's too liberal for Indiana.
02:05:46.000 At least that crowd, UFC crowd in Indiana.
02:05:49.000 They were mad at him.
02:05:51.000 I couldn't believe it.
02:05:52.000 I was like, this is goddamn John Mellencamp, you fucks.
02:05:55.000 Commies.
02:05:56.000 I wonder if he had any idea of that before he went, that's gotta suck.
02:06:00.000 Go to see like a UFC fight and then the entire like place hates you?
02:06:04.000 Yeah, it was a large number of people booing him too.
02:06:08.000 It wasn't just like a couple of boos like scattered in the clapping and applause, you know?
02:06:13.000 Yeah, that's kind of a, you tell your wife like, you know what, I don't think I need to see the rest of the fight.
02:06:16.000 Let's just get in the car.
02:06:17.000 Pretend we're going to the bathroom.
02:06:19.000 Fire up the car.
02:06:20.000 Let's get a fuck out of there before they lynch us.
02:06:22.000 There's certain spots in the country where you're not allowed to be liberal.
02:06:26.000 You're allowed to be kind of conservative anywhere.
02:06:29.000 You'll be mocked, but it's not dangerous per se.
02:06:33.000 But if you're a liberal in certain parts of the country, that's the team mentality.
02:06:40.000 Are you a Raiders fan?
02:06:42.000 You know what I mean?
02:06:44.000 It's like that team mentality really comes out.
02:06:47.000 People love to defend their team.
02:06:49.000 And when you are a liberal, you're thought to be weak?
02:06:53.000 You goddamn bleeding heart.
02:06:56.000 Oh, you're going to help all those welfare moms.
02:06:59.000 You know, they just take that money and spend it on fucking drugs.
02:07:03.000 Don't you know?
02:07:04.000 Don't you know?
02:07:08.000 Like I was saying, I hang out on all these conspiracy sites, and a lot of them lean right, a lot of conspiracy sites.
02:07:17.000 Almost all of them, right?
02:07:18.000 Yeah, most of them.
02:07:20.000 And remember when Texas was talking about seceding, or Rick Perry was talking about seceding from the union?
02:07:27.000 Yeah, that's hilarious.
02:07:28.000 When he was about to run for president, which was a weird move.
02:07:30.000 But he was like...
02:07:32.000 He's like, you know, we can secede.
02:07:33.000 And so everybody on the conspiracy boards that were from Texas, there was this big thread where everybody was talking about it.
02:07:40.000 And everybody was like, the first thing we're going to do is we're going to go to Austin and just kick everybody's ass.
02:07:47.000 That's what he said?
02:07:48.000 That was the first thing?
02:07:49.000 If we secede, we're going to get Austin.
02:07:53.000 This is broken.
02:07:53.000 It stopped working.
02:07:54.000 Probably burned it all up.
02:07:55.000 That's hilarious.
02:07:56.000 I gotta put more juice in it?
02:07:58.000 Here.
02:07:58.000 How much did I burn, dude?
02:08:00.000 A lot.
02:08:00.000 That's gross.
02:08:03.000 Yeah, isn't Texas like a different sort of a state?
02:08:07.000 It's like...
02:08:08.000 It's the way they're set up.
02:08:10.000 It's the Republic of Texas.
02:08:11.000 Yeah.
02:08:12.000 Yeah, because they...
02:08:14.000 My history's right.
02:08:17.000 I think during or leading up to the Civil War, Texas wanted to be part of the Union or it came that Texas could be part of the Union, but then they wouldn't accept them because they thought they didn't want to swing the amount of pro-slave states.
02:08:34.000 They didn't want to add another pro-slave state.
02:08:37.000 They had an equal amount of pro-slave and non-slave states.
02:08:41.000 So they didn't accept Texas's entrance into the Union.
02:08:44.000 So they made their own country.
02:08:45.000 And then after the Civil War, when they asked Texas to come into the country, they had this kind of caveat.
02:08:55.000 Which they're like, okay, but at any point, if we want to leave, we can leave.
02:08:59.000 If it gets shitty, it's a prenup.
02:09:01.000 Yeah, basically.
02:09:02.000 Texas is like the only state that came into the country with a prenup.
02:09:05.000 And they were like, okay, but we can leave at any time.
02:09:07.000 And so I think that's what Rick Perry was talking about.
02:09:09.000 Is this the thing I gotta unscrew?
02:09:13.000 This is so goofy.
02:09:15.000 There's so much involved in these fucking things.
02:09:17.000 I can't believe you can only suck on it like four or five times and it runs out of juice.
02:09:21.000 Oh, you sat there cooking it for about ten minutes, probably.
02:09:24.000 No, it wasn't that long.
02:09:25.000 The first time I caught it, it was going for a minute.
02:09:27.000 Yeah, but is that cooking the stuff?
02:09:30.000 How come it doesn't come out then?
02:09:31.000 It was.
02:09:31.000 But very little.
02:09:32.000 Yeah.
02:09:33.000 Alright, so where does it go?
02:09:34.000 You put it on that little coil.
02:09:37.000 That?
02:09:37.000 This can't be good for you.
02:09:39.000 And you've got to make that coil, don't you?
02:09:40.000 This is my first and last day.
02:09:42.000 Oh, yeah.
02:09:43.000 Because you have to build your own coils on these things.
02:09:44.000 What the fuck is wrong with people?
02:09:45.000 Like, I have a bunch of wire in my car.
02:09:48.000 What's wrong with you?
02:09:48.000 I just, I love nicotine.
02:09:50.000 Is it really worth it?
02:09:52.000 It's the greatest drug.
02:09:52.000 Alright, I'm going to pour it in.
02:09:54.000 See, ladies and gentlemen, this is what you do.
02:09:56.000 Yeah, just a little bit, I think.
02:09:57.000 That's probably good.
02:09:58.000 This doesn't even give me a buzz, though.
02:10:00.000 I'd rather have a cigar.
02:10:03.000 You ever see that?
02:10:04.000 There's a video...
02:10:05.000 Oh, I fucking spilled everything in there.
02:10:06.000 Watch out, you're gonna have a heart attack.
02:10:08.000 Really?
02:10:09.000 No.
02:10:09.000 There's a video of this guy hand-rolling a Cuban cigar with a GoPro on his head.
02:10:14.000 It's pretty dope.
02:10:15.000 You get to see how they do it.
02:10:16.000 There's so much skill involved in that.
02:10:18.000 Are those legal here now?
02:10:19.000 Yes.
02:10:20.000 That's cool.
02:10:20.000 You're only allowed to have a few, though.
02:10:22.000 Do they sell them?
02:10:23.000 Can you buy them in Los Angeles?
02:10:24.000 That's a good question.
02:10:25.000 But I think you're allowed to have a few now because we're kind of opening up the thing.
02:10:29.000 Jamie, find that out.
02:10:30.000 There's a number that you're allowed to have.
02:10:33.000 I'm pretty sure.
02:10:34.000 I'd imagine you could buy them now.
02:10:36.000 There's a lot of counterfeit ones.
02:10:39.000 And apparently there's so much of a demand for Cuban cigars that the quality has diminished for some of them.
02:10:46.000 Yeah, they're just not worth as much as they used to be.
02:10:48.000 They're just not as good, rather, as they used to be because the soil's getting depleted.
02:10:53.000 There's a lot of fake ones, a lot of counterfeit Cuban cigars, but it's another one of those things just like the fucking rich guys that want to go to Everest.
02:11:03.000 But do they sell them here in the States yet?
02:11:08.000 I just did it again.
02:11:09.000 I put this fucking stupid thing face up.
02:11:11.000 I might be retarded.
02:11:12.000 I need to go to a doctor.
02:11:13.000 Maybe that's what's happening.
02:11:14.000 This thing's making me stupid.
02:11:16.000 That's what they'll find out.
02:11:18.000 Yeah.
02:11:19.000 I don't know, man.
02:11:19.000 That's what happened to everybody.
02:11:21.000 Well, then, why does Stephen King say it makes him smarter?
02:11:25.000 Well, he's just saying it makes him...
02:11:26.000 Oh, yeah.
02:11:27.000 Made his brain work.
02:11:28.000 Maybe it makes him...
02:11:29.000 Maybe it makes you more creative, but not smarter.
02:11:31.000 Well, that's what Tony Hinchcliffe says.
02:11:33.000 Tony Hinchcliffe says when he smokes and he writes, it's just way better.
02:11:36.000 It's like his brain just is firing up.
02:11:38.000 Well, it's almost like, you know, all those, well, I guess everybody smoked, so it's not really, you know, but like all those old writers, you think about like Hemingway or anything, it's all smoking and drinking and all this stuff.
02:11:47.000 Well, how about NASA? When they were trying to do the moon landing shit, they were all in the fucking control room, they were all puffing.
02:11:53.000 It's kind of crazy.
02:11:54.000 Yeah.
02:11:54.000 They all had those weird, like, uh...
02:11:56.000 They were smoking in the spaceship.
02:11:57.000 It was just...
02:11:58.000 No.
02:11:58.000 I don't know.
02:11:59.000 They're smoking on the moon.
02:12:01.000 There's like so many cigarette butts up there.
02:12:03.000 They put the flag on the moon.
02:12:05.000 Buzz Aldrin.
02:12:06.000 Yep.
02:12:07.000 Yeah, the control room, though, in Houston, when they were all, like, monitoring it, like, they were all smoking.
02:12:15.000 There was a bunch of guys smoking.
02:12:16.000 And they all looked like Peter Parker's boss from Spider-Man.
02:12:20.000 Like, those haircuts.
02:12:22.000 What was his name?
02:12:23.000 J. Jonah Jameson?
02:12:24.000 Yeah.
02:12:26.000 That's what everybody looked like.
02:12:27.000 They all died when they were 50. Cancer, see ya.
02:12:31.000 That's it.
02:12:32.000 You got to a certain age.
02:12:34.000 There's no wise old men.
02:12:36.000 They didn't make it.
02:12:37.000 Smoke cigarettes, die.
02:12:39.000 A few hearty souls lasted deep in their 60s and they talked like this.
02:12:45.000 Remember those things you'd see?
02:12:47.000 People have those things on their neck so they could talk to you like this.
02:12:51.000 Do they do that anymore?
02:12:52.000 Is that a thing?
02:12:53.000 That's a good question.
02:12:54.000 There's a commercial that they air from some woman.
02:12:57.000 She was beautiful when she was younger and then she smoked a lot of cigarettes and got cancer and now half her face is missing and she's got no throat.
02:13:04.000 She wears a wig and she has the whole...
02:13:08.000 I really hate those commercials.
02:13:09.000 And she wears this thing on her neck.
02:13:13.000 I get the point of the commercials, but they're so unpleasant, which is the point.
02:13:18.000 There was a hack thing the comedians used to do.
02:13:20.000 I don't know who invented it first.
02:13:21.000 I think it was probably Hicks who first started putting the microphone.
02:13:25.000 He put a microphone on his neck and started talking like this.
02:13:29.000 And then Leary kind of ripped it off from Hicks and a bunch of other people started ripping it off from each other.
02:13:33.000 It became like, well, no one can tell you you can't do that.
02:13:36.000 It was the hack thing to do.
02:13:38.000 You did a thing about smoking.
02:13:41.000 Stick the microphone on your neck to represent those things.
02:13:44.000 Remember, they used to have a thing they used to have to put.
02:13:46.000 Yeah, it was...
02:13:48.000 Like a fake voice box.
02:13:50.000 It was just something that vibrated, right?
02:13:52.000 It did what your vocal cords would do.
02:13:55.000 Yeah, or it somehow or another picked up on the sounds you were trying to make with your fucking cancer-ridden neck.
02:14:01.000 And now we'll just be able to send it through our minds because of that technology.
02:14:04.000 So that's the new.
02:14:05.000 And maybe your mind would work better if you're smoking.
02:14:09.000 Nobody would worry about throat cancer anymore.
02:14:10.000 You don't even need that fucking thing.
02:14:12.000 Yeah.
02:14:12.000 We're on our way to becoming aliens, right?
02:14:15.000 Aliens have those little tiny mouths because they didn't need them anymore.
02:14:17.000 Yeah.
02:14:17.000 Big, giant, stupid heads.
02:14:19.000 Because all they're doing is sending data with their heads.
02:14:21.000 They need a large hard drive up there.
02:14:23.000 Well, we'll probably end up just being computers.
02:14:25.000 Mm-hmm.
02:14:26.000 Where they'll upload us into some sort of hard drive.
02:14:30.000 Because...
02:14:31.000 Probably more complicated than that we're probably going to be some sort of artificial creation like an artificial body like not necessarily a computer but like you know everything about us artificial not like living well you know eventually probably a virtual thing we'll probably realize like why we so hung up on bodies Yeah.
02:14:50.000 Like, maybe they'll just be, it'll probably just be like a computer that has versions of us, just kind of out of, well, it's good to know where you came from.
02:14:59.000 You know, computers paying respect, like, let's keep, you know, a lot of them virtually inside of us, and then the computers will go out and explore the galaxy and kind of, you know, and we'll just be kind of an interesting footnote, you know, that they kind of pay respect to.
02:15:12.000 What the fuck?
02:15:14.000 Yeah.
02:15:14.000 We'll be like, when you go to the zoo and you see those like fake cave people, you know, there are like statues of the fake people by the cave.
02:15:23.000 Like in the Anderthals.
02:15:24.000 Yeah.
02:15:24.000 Like this is where we came from, you know, they were kind of not as smart as we are.
02:15:28.000 And that's what we'll be to the computers.
02:15:29.000 We'll have people, these are early men, they'll have people that are just bent over looking at their phone.
02:15:35.000 And they're like, that's baby us.
02:15:38.000 That's them with baby us.
02:15:41.000 Yeah, instead of having a club, one of those big caveman Flintstones-style clubs with the fur on, like...
02:15:48.000 Like, you know, 2001, the Space Odyssey-looking people.
02:15:53.000 Instead of that, they just have a dude with an iPhone staring down at it.
02:15:56.000 At a Starbucks, tweeting about how great the Jinx was.
02:16:00.000 And then they'll have Google Glasses.
02:16:01.000 This was the first step.
02:16:03.000 They'll have Google Glass, and then the...
02:16:05.000 Have you seen the virtual reality ski goggles?
02:16:09.000 Where you see the whole world in front of you becomes a desktop, and you start manipulating things in front of you.
02:16:14.000 Oh, yeah.
02:16:16.000 It's like...
02:16:17.000 Like Minority Report kind of thing.
02:16:18.000 Yeah, but it's all...
02:16:19.000 You're wearing goggles, and through these goggles, you could see, like, I could see you, but I also could, like, pull up things in front of you.
02:16:27.000 Augmented reality.
02:16:28.000 Yes.
02:16:28.000 That's what they call them.
02:16:29.000 Yeah.
02:16:29.000 Yes, augmented reality.
02:16:30.000 Augmented reality.
02:16:31.000 And then Oculus Rift.
02:16:33.000 Yeah, that's gonna be huge.
02:16:34.000 That's scary.
02:16:35.000 That comes out like this year, right?
02:16:37.000 I don't know.
02:16:38.000 I mean, there's versions of it now.
02:16:39.000 Like Duncan Trussell has an older version, but he just tried the newest version.
02:16:46.000 He called me up screaming and ranting and raving.
02:16:50.000 Apparently it's in 4K, so it's just insanely graphic, like insanely high definition, beautiful video.
02:16:59.000 The way they film it, they put cameras all over your body, like these little small cameras.
02:17:03.000 Everywhere you're moving, that option is available.
02:17:06.000 So if you move to the right, they've already got video of that.
02:17:09.000 You move to the left, and the processing speed of computers today is apparently good enough to keep up with this.
02:17:14.000 And you go into a room, and when you go into this room, there's a guy playing the piano.
02:17:19.000 And he goes, you really feel like you're in a room with a guy playing the piano.
02:17:22.000 It's that good.
02:17:23.000 That's crazy.
02:17:24.000 Yeah, I was reading something about this company that's trying to start up where what they're going to do is take these, because I think it's like a spherical camera that is basically recording in all directions at once.
02:17:37.000 But they want to go to like Everest, they want to go to the pyramids, they want to plant one of these things and you pay like a monthly service and then you're just sitting in your home and you're like, I want to see what it's like at the pyramids right now.
02:17:48.000 You put this on and you're there.
02:17:50.000 They're gonna put one on a satellite in low orbit going around the planet so you can just be like floating in space over like anywhere you want and then they're saying that like what's really gonna be crazy about it is how it's gonna change news because like CNN will have their camera like you know Fox News will have their camera so like you know something happens in Ferguson You know,
02:18:10.000 they go down there, and they plant their camera there, and then you can just, all their viewers can just go and actually be at, like, where the news is happening, and you can kind of look around and see for yourself.
02:18:19.000 You can watch the State of the Union with, you know, the camera there, and you see what your specific state senator's doing.
02:18:25.000 Wow.
02:18:26.000 You can see John McCain playing poker on his phone, talking about going to war with Syria.
02:18:30.000 Yeah.
02:18:31.000 Remember when that was going on?
02:18:32.000 He was advocating going to war with Syria, and he was playing fucking poker.
02:18:36.000 Angry Birds.
02:18:39.000 They caught him doing it, too, man.
02:18:40.000 He's still working there.
02:18:42.000 Like, that should be something you should be paying attention to, man.
02:18:45.000 Maybe we should get somebody in there who's paying attention and not playing poker on their fucking phone, dude.
02:18:51.000 Christ!
02:18:52.000 How trivial is war to you?
02:18:55.000 It's less important than Farmville.
02:19:02.000 Ugh, he can't help it.
02:19:03.000 He can't help it.
02:19:03.000 It's like someone's sitting there talking to you at dinner.
02:19:05.000 They have to check their phone.
02:19:07.000 Yeah.
02:19:07.000 And the call of kings and queens and aces just pulls him in.
02:19:12.000 Yeah.
02:19:13.000 How old is he?
02:19:14.000 A thousand.
02:19:15.000 Because people were like, when he was running for president, people were like, he's going to die in the next year or two.
02:19:20.000 And that was eight years ago now.
02:19:21.000 Well, he's unhealthy, too.
02:19:23.000 I mean, it's not like he's just old and he exercises a lot and, you know, he's not Jack LaWayne.
02:19:28.000 I mean, he was really fucked up because of being a prisoner of war.
02:19:32.000 I mean, he was tortured and his shoulders are fucked up, like, really beyond repair.
02:19:37.000 That's the thing.
02:19:38.000 Like, he can't raise his hands.
02:19:39.000 He can't, like, raise his arms over his head.
02:19:42.000 He's not like physically well, but he makes sense sometimes just weird You know he's not off about everything like he starts talking like one of the things about when he and Obama were debating He was they were talking about going into Afghanistan and You know Obama was like,
02:20:01.000 you know, we'll just go in we'll send troops.
02:20:03.000 We'll take care of the bad guys and And McCain was like, whoa, wait a minute, man.
02:20:09.000 That's when McCain made sense, because this guy was in war, was a prisoner of fucking war, was tortured, held by the Viet Cong.
02:20:17.000 And he was like, it is not that easy, man.
02:20:20.000 Do you know what it's like over there?
02:20:21.000 One of the things that he said that really fucking stunned me, and I had to research it, and it turns out it's totally true.
02:20:27.000 He said, most of Afghanistan operates essentially exactly the way it did when Alexander the Great was around.
02:20:34.000 Hmm.
02:20:36.000 You're talking about a country that's never been conquered.
02:20:38.000 The terrain itself makes it almost impenetrable.
02:20:44.000 You're going to send troops into the mountains?
02:20:48.000 Our plan to bankrupt the Russians was to get them involved over there with the same people that we're fighting now.
02:20:58.000 We set this great trap and then Walked, like, you know, just forgot about it.
02:21:07.000 It's like the kid from Home Alone went home one day and forgot all the stuff that he had set for the burglars.
02:21:12.000 Well, it's almost like they set a trap and then didn't realize that a trap had heroin in it.
02:21:17.000 They're like, oh, wait a minute.
02:21:19.000 This isn't a trap.
02:21:20.000 We left all that great heroin in there.
02:21:22.000 Forget what I said.
02:21:23.000 Forget what I said.
02:21:25.000 Let's try one more time, but do it right and grow heroin, okay?
02:21:31.000 This is going to cost us so much money.
02:21:32.000 Not really.
02:21:34.000 It's actually just a lot of money there just sitting around.
02:21:37.000 CIA can move it.
02:21:38.000 It'll all be fine.
02:21:39.000 The beautiful thing they found recently, they said they found recently, that there's trillions of dollars worth of minerals in the mountains.
02:21:48.000 Yeah.
02:21:48.000 Lithium, stuff they use to make batteries.
02:21:50.000 Yeah.
02:21:51.000 To blow on this thing.
02:21:56.000 Now it makes noise.
02:21:58.000 I think it broke it.
02:21:59.000 I think it broke it.
02:22:01.000 Is it full?
02:22:01.000 It's full.
02:22:02.000 You had to do it because you saw me do it.
02:22:04.000 I know.
02:22:05.000 You get that pull.
02:22:05.000 It's a monkey see, monkey do.
02:22:07.000 It's exciting.
02:22:08.000 It's like Pavlov's dog.
02:22:10.000 Ring that bell.
02:22:14.000 This is not going to be a regular thing, folks, if you listen to this podcast.
02:22:18.000 He asked me if he could do his, and I said, all right, yeah, do it, man.
02:22:22.000 And then I'm just fucking doing it, too.
02:22:24.000 I have bottles of this shit.
02:22:25.000 What if I drank that?
02:22:26.000 How quick would I die?
02:22:28.000 Probably pretty quick.
02:22:29.000 You think?
02:22:29.000 I think within...
02:22:31.000 Yeah.
02:22:32.000 Like, the whole bottle?
02:22:33.000 Mm-hmm.
02:22:34.000 Uh, $10 says that you die within.
02:22:38.000 If you pour that into someone's drink, like, you know, people are always talking about, like, pouring, uh, roofies in someone's drink.
02:22:43.000 What if you pour this into, like, someone had, like, a Jager bomb?
02:22:47.000 Yeah, you just have a heart attack.
02:22:48.000 You just probably have a heart attack within a couple hours.
02:22:50.000 God.
02:22:51.000 Yeah, right?
02:22:51.000 The stimulant.
02:22:52.000 It's crazy.
02:22:52.000 This guy sent me fucking heart attack juice.
02:22:55.000 I got it on my fingers.
02:22:56.000 Is that bad?
02:22:57.000 I don't think, I don't think...
02:22:59.000 Dude, you had gloves on, man.
02:23:00.000 Yeah, but that was back in 2007. I'm sure they've changed the formula.
02:23:03.000 I'm sure this random guy...
02:23:05.000 This guy's cool.
02:23:07.000 I don't even know what his face looks like.
02:23:09.000 How dare I? The whole thing is ridiculous, man.
02:23:13.000 What's the next thing, you know?
02:23:15.000 Well, they vaporized alcohol now.
02:23:17.000 Have you seen that?
02:23:18.000 No.
02:23:18.000 If you look it up on YouTube, it's crazy.
02:23:20.000 No.
02:23:21.000 Yeah, it's this little kit you can buy, and you heat it up, and you put alcohol in it, and then people are just taking these vapor hits of alcohol.
02:23:29.000 That's crazy.
02:23:30.000 And then the FDA just legalized powdered alcohol this week.
02:23:35.000 So now you can snort vodka.
02:23:38.000 What?
02:23:38.000 Yeah.
02:23:39.000 They approved it.
02:23:40.000 That can't be good.
02:23:43.000 But, you know, it sounds worth trying.
02:23:45.000 Would you try it?
02:23:46.000 Oh, yeah.
02:23:47.000 How would you know how much to take?
02:23:48.000 Just guess.
02:23:49.000 Like, you know, one of the good things about alcohol is it's super powerful, but you kind of know what a shot of tequila is.
02:23:55.000 Right.
02:23:56.000 A shot of tequila is pretty uniform.
02:23:57.000 Mm-hmm.
02:23:58.000 You know, that's why, like, whiskey is okay, but moonshine's illegal.
02:24:04.000 Okay, I guess.
02:24:05.000 I never thought about it, but yeah, you're probably right.
02:24:06.000 Some moonshine.
02:24:07.000 Because there's some sort of...
02:24:09.000 Well, isn't moonshine just illegal because it's unregulated?
02:24:12.000 Yeah.
02:24:12.000 You know, and they don't know what the percentage is that you're putting in there?
02:24:16.000 Like, ever clear.
02:24:17.000 That stuff's legal, right?
02:24:18.000 Yeah.
02:24:19.000 In some states.
02:24:20.000 Some states it's not.
02:24:21.000 Some states it's not.
02:24:22.000 Yeah, states have weird laws on booze.
02:24:24.000 Like, Utah's got weird laws on booze.
02:24:25.000 Like, your beer can't even be that strong.
02:24:27.000 Yeah, because Mormons.
02:24:28.000 Yeah.
02:24:29.000 Fucking Mormons.
02:24:30.000 I was there recently, and it was hilarious.
02:24:33.000 When we landed, we were coming down the escalator, and there was all these people that were waiting there for the missionaries to return, the elders, who were in foreign countries convincing these poor people to sign up and become Mormons.
02:24:46.000 And not drink caffeine.
02:24:47.000 It's so fucked up, man.
02:24:49.000 So we're coming down the...
02:24:49.000 No, you can drink caffeine.
02:24:51.000 Really?
02:24:51.000 You just can't drink coffee.
02:24:53.000 It's a loophole.
02:24:54.000 You can't drink...
02:24:56.000 You can't drink coffee, but you can drink caffeine.
02:24:58.000 So my friend who was a Mormon used to drink monster energy drinks all day.
02:25:01.000 Oh, wow.
02:25:02.000 And I was like, wait a minute.
02:25:04.000 You're not allowed to drink coffee, but you can drink that?
02:25:07.000 He's like, yeah, it's not covered.
02:25:08.000 It's not covered by Jesus.
02:25:09.000 Yeah.
02:25:12.000 Jesus doesn't say anything about fucking Zion's energy drinks.
02:25:15.000 He's cool with taurine.
02:25:17.000 What is taurine?
02:25:18.000 I don't know.
02:25:19.000 Is that bad for you?
02:25:19.000 Probably.
02:25:20.000 That's the shit that's in Red Bull, right?
02:25:22.000 This fucking dude, and I'm not telling, I'm not lying.
02:25:25.000 He, I never saw him.
02:25:26.000 It was like his arm is connected to his can of fucking Monster Energy drink.
02:25:30.000 He would drink that shit all day long.
02:25:32.000 Yeah.
02:25:32.000 Everyone's got to have something.
02:25:33.000 If that's the only thing you can have, then you're going to be addicted to that.
02:25:37.000 Well, before he was a Mormon, he had some issues with some substances.
02:25:41.000 And then his wife got him to convert over, and then he just went with the program.
02:25:45.000 But he liked his caffeine, so he became a monstrous energy drink kind of a guy.
02:25:50.000 But a lot of those dudes that are like AA guys...
02:25:53.000 Cigarettes and coffee.
02:25:54.000 Yeah.
02:25:54.000 They're not drug free by any goddamn stretch of the imagination.
02:25:58.000 They're just not taking anything that just obliterates your consciousness.
02:26:02.000 Right.
02:26:02.000 They're just altering it on a consistent basis.
02:26:05.000 Yeah.
02:26:05.000 Yeah.
02:26:06.000 Or something that's a little easier on your liver.
02:26:08.000 Yeah, it's definitely easy.
02:26:09.000 Well, the cigarettes aren't.
02:26:11.000 Cigarettes are bad for your liver?
02:26:12.000 I didn't know that.
02:26:12.000 It's bad for everything.
02:26:13.000 Your whole body's like, what do we do with this shit?
02:26:15.000 It's in your bloodstream.
02:26:16.000 Your pancreas, apparently.
02:26:18.000 Pancreatic cancer is a big one with cigarette smokers.
02:26:21.000 The lungs, of course.
02:26:22.000 But, you know, it stunts so many different processes in your body.
02:26:27.000 There's so many different things that are just going, what is all this shit?
02:26:31.000 People should just do nitrous all day, every day.
02:26:33.000 Yeah, just do whippets, man.
02:26:36.000 There's something about doing whippets.
02:26:37.000 If you commit to, like, whippets and huffing paint are kind of in the same category.
02:26:40.000 Like, wait, wait, what are you doing?
02:26:42.000 You're taking some stuff that you're not supposed to get high with and you're using it to get high?
02:26:46.000 That's not cool.
02:26:49.000 But meanwhile, whippets fuck you up more than a glass of Jack Daniels?
02:26:54.000 Whippets are amazing.
02:26:55.000 They're like...
02:26:56.000 I went through a phase where I was doing a lot of whippets.
02:26:59.000 Really?
02:26:59.000 Oh, God.
02:27:00.000 And it was, you know, I mean, you had to stop because it was just like, this is...
02:27:04.000 I enjoy this.
02:27:06.000 Doesn't it give you brain damage?
02:27:07.000 Well, everything gives you brain damage, doesn't it?
02:27:09.000 I mean, you lose like 200 or 20,000 brain cells a day just from, you know, waking up, you know, kind of walking around.
02:27:16.000 Like, so it's, I mean, I think it's, you know.
02:27:18.000 How many do you have?
02:27:19.000 Uh, it's like a thousand.
02:27:20.000 Do you get new ones?
02:27:21.000 No.
02:27:22.000 No, you don't.
02:27:23.000 I don't think you get new ones.
02:27:24.000 Ever?
02:27:24.000 No.
02:27:25.000 Fuck!
02:27:25.000 I think you have what you have.
02:27:27.000 Well, I think you get new ones if you do mushrooms.
02:27:29.000 That's the only way.
02:27:29.000 That makes sense.
02:27:30.000 Probably.
02:27:31.000 Really?
02:27:31.000 For real?
02:27:31.000 Yeah.
02:27:32.000 It's like one of the few things that have been shown to regenerate neurons in the brain or something like that.
02:27:37.000 So just do as much mushrooms as you were doing nitrous and you'd be fine.
02:27:40.000 Maybe.
02:27:41.000 You'd probably have to live in a mountain somewhere.
02:27:43.000 You'd probably get so detached from everybody.
02:27:45.000 Show yourself when you're getting firewood and then go back to your cabin.
02:27:49.000 I was I was doing a sketch like a music video for It was this country music song called, you know, it was about like blue laws and states like, you know, and if they won't tell you Alcohol, you know, the song is called what about mouthwash and it was like, you know, all these different things like what about mouthwash?
02:28:05.000 What about huff and paint and all these things that you could you could do and for the music video I was like, oh, fuck it, we'll just, you know, we're in the truck, got some paint, spray paint in a bag, and my friend had, like, mouthwash, and so we just, like, did it for the shot,
02:28:21.000 and I... I just, you know, because the shot was on, so I just sprayed the spray paint in the bag, and then I just huffed in, and it's so fast.
02:28:31.000 It's so immediate, and it's so high.
02:28:34.000 What does it do to you?
02:28:35.000 It's like, I did it, and I was like, and then I kind of broke take.
02:28:40.000 I was like, whoa!
02:28:41.000 And I was like, this really works.
02:28:43.000 Huffing paint is the real deal.
02:28:45.000 Oh, that's so funny.
02:28:46.000 It's quick.
02:28:47.000 That's so funny.
02:28:48.000 Yeah.
02:28:49.000 Oh, have you ever talked to someone who works in an auto body shop, like spray painting cars?
02:28:53.000 No.
02:28:54.000 You know, they wear those masks and shit, but it doesn't really work.
02:28:57.000 I mean, it works a little bit, but if you're spray painting a car, you go into those booths, those guys get high as fuck.
02:29:04.000 That's like the hidden secret of auto body work.
02:29:06.000 It's such a dirty high, too.
02:29:08.000 I would imagine.
02:29:09.000 What is the paint high?
02:29:10.000 It doesn't feel like it's good for you.
02:29:15.000 It's not like you're drinking kale shakes?
02:29:17.000 No, you're like lightheaded, and you're like, whoa, I'm high, and you're like, this is gonna feel bad when it wears off.
02:29:23.000 Oh, God.
02:29:24.000 That's so crazy.
02:29:26.000 Wow.
02:29:27.000 Everybody's seen those images of the guy who got arrested several times, and he has paint, like a fucking goatee of silver paint all over his face.
02:29:37.000 Fuck, man.
02:29:38.000 It's so weird.
02:29:40.000 You ever see that...
02:29:41.000 I forget what show it was.
02:29:43.000 It was one of those...
02:29:43.000 I don't know if it was a rehab show or something.
02:29:46.000 Intervention show.
02:29:47.000 Yes.
02:29:47.000 Where the girl was addicted to duster.
02:29:50.000 The dust stuff that you spray on your keyboard.
02:29:51.000 Oh, you spray on your keyboard?
02:29:52.000 The air?
02:29:53.000 Yeah.
02:29:53.000 What does that do to you?
02:29:54.000 I guess it gets you high.
02:29:55.000 I don't know.
02:29:55.000 I've never done it.
02:29:57.000 But she was going through...
02:29:59.000 And they would follow her to Walmart.
02:30:01.000 And she'd go to Walmart and fill up her cart with duster.
02:30:04.000 And she does this every day.
02:30:05.000 Just goes through and does duster all day.
02:30:07.000 You know the problem with that show is I have been exposed too much to how television works.
02:30:13.000 Part of me is calling bullshit.
02:30:16.000 Part of me is saying this person is so together that they've contacted the producers of this show, they're on the show, they're walking around, the camera's following them.
02:30:27.000 Really?
02:30:27.000 Are you sure or are you sure they're not engineering this whole thing?
02:30:30.000 But do they call or do their families call?
02:30:33.000 That's a good question.
02:30:35.000 I just don't get why, I mean, like, if I had a loved one who was like, you know, like, had a problem, you know, and was like, alright, I gotta do an intervention.
02:30:42.000 Like, the last thing I would think of is like, and I gotta get a TV show to watch this thing, like, you know.
02:30:46.000 You say that, but I mean, what the fuck did Dr. Drew do for all those years when he was doing celebrity rehab?
02:30:51.000 He took these people at their most vulnerable time and publicly shamed them, showed them on television having the DTs, freaking out at each other.
02:30:59.000 Screaming at each other, incredibly vulnerable, and expose them to the world for other people's amusement.
02:31:05.000 And he's a doctor, an addiction specialist.
02:31:08.000 So I don't think it's that cut and dry.
02:31:10.000 When TV's involved and profits involved, people have weird ways of rationalizing things.
02:31:15.000 This is the only way these people will get help.
02:31:17.000 You do it on TV. No, but I mean like the family.
02:31:20.000 I mean, do you think the family?
02:31:21.000 I guess they have to get paid something to do it.
02:31:24.000 They have to get paid something, yeah.
02:31:25.000 But it's not like a windfall.
02:31:27.000 The family might be morons, you know?
02:31:28.000 They might think it's the way to do it.
02:31:30.000 I mean, there was a show that I was obsessed with for a long time called I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.
02:31:34.000 Have you ever seen that show?
02:31:35.000 Have you seen it?
02:31:36.000 No.
02:31:37.000 It's fucking amazing.
02:31:38.000 Find it on iTunes or whatever.
02:31:41.000 But it's a show where they would...
02:31:44.000 It's about people who just didn't realize that they were pregnant and then they have their babies in the toilet or just walking to work or something.
02:31:50.000 And they would reenact it.
02:31:53.000 Like, it was kind of like Unsolved Mysteries style, where they'd interview the real people, and then they'd have actors, like, playing it out, like, oh, my stomach hurts, I'm gonna go take a shit, and then the baby, they'd put, they'd throw, the crazy thing about the show is that, I watched one episode where they had the mom get up, you know, and then the camera goes into the toilet,
02:32:08.000 and they put a real baby in a toilet, like a real, like, for the shot.
02:32:12.000 What the fuck?
02:32:13.000 In the water?
02:32:14.000 Yeah, they put a baby in the toilet bowl for the shot, and I was like, oh my god, did they have a diaper on, or was it naked?
02:32:18.000 There's the angle you couldn't see.
02:32:21.000 I don't know.
02:32:21.000 Kids holding on to a seat going, what the fuck, Mom?
02:32:24.000 But I knew a girl who worked on the show, and I found out she worked on it.
02:32:29.000 I was like, why do people agree to do...
02:32:34.000 Because they all look like idiots.
02:32:35.000 There's no way you can be on that show and not look like one of the dumbest people if you didn't know you were pregnant.
02:32:41.000 So I was like, why do they agree to let you do this episode about them?
02:32:44.000 And she was like, we are getting calls all day from people wanting to be on the show.
02:32:48.000 Like, we have to, you know, we're batting them off.
02:32:51.000 Because it's people seeing the idea of somebody playing them on television is so enticing to people.
02:33:00.000 The fact that someone is going to reenact their life is worth it.
02:33:04.000 Yeah, I'll look like an idiot on television.
02:33:06.000 God, that's so crazy.
02:33:08.000 That's the pull.
02:33:10.000 Having someone play you.
02:33:12.000 Wow.
02:33:13.000 Yeah.
02:33:13.000 That's amazing.
02:33:15.000 There was a girl that worked at the bank that I used to go to when I was a kid, and she had her baby and threw it in the garbage and went back to work.
02:33:22.000 She worked at a bank.
02:33:24.000 No one knew she was pregnant.
02:33:25.000 She was overweight.
02:33:26.000 Went to the bathroom, had the baby, threw it in the garbage, and went back to work, and then they figured out what the fuck happened and arrested her.
02:33:33.000 That's crazy.
02:33:34.000 Oh, it was so crazy.
02:33:35.000 It was like I'd seen her.
02:33:37.000 Eye to eye, person to person.
02:33:38.000 I probably shook hands with her.
02:33:39.000 I mean, I don't remember.
02:33:40.000 Like on the day?
02:33:41.000 It was when I was 17. No, not on the day, I don't think.
02:33:43.000 I think I found out about it, like, you know, after the fact, but it was like the talk of the town.
02:33:48.000 Yeah.
02:33:48.000 I don't even remember her name, but, you know, I was like, I think I was probably 16 or so.
02:33:52.000 I was working at Newport Creamery, which was a ice cream and hamburger joint in Newton, Massachusetts.
02:33:59.000 So it was probably, I think I got that job when I was 16. So it was probably when I was 16 that all this happened.
02:34:04.000 But it was just, the whole town was talking about it.
02:34:07.000 I was like, what?
02:34:08.000 She had a baby?
02:34:09.000 She was pregnant?
02:34:09.000 What?
02:34:10.000 And she put it in the garbage?
02:34:11.000 Like, it was great.
02:34:12.000 And she went to jail.
02:34:13.000 Yeah.
02:34:13.000 Holy shit.
02:34:14.000 It really creeped people.
02:34:15.000 It creeps you out when you find out that insanity like that was there the whole time.
02:34:20.000 And you were interacting with insanity.
02:34:22.000 Like, hello, insane person.
02:34:23.000 Hi, crazy.
02:34:24.000 You're about to have a baby and throw it in the trash, aren't you?
02:34:26.000 Yeah.
02:34:26.000 You know?
02:34:27.000 Like, if you talk to her the week before, you're going to throw your baby in the trash?
02:34:30.000 Is that what's going to happen?
02:34:31.000 Yeah.
02:34:31.000 What?
02:34:32.000 Who are you?
02:34:33.000 How do you know?
02:34:34.000 She might not have even known she was pregnant, too.
02:34:36.000 She might have been one of those people.
02:34:37.000 Oh, a lot of the people who...
02:34:39.000 Most of the people on the show who didn't know they were pregnant are overweight.
02:34:42.000 Of course.
02:34:42.000 Yeah.
02:34:43.000 Yeah.
02:34:43.000 They must be in such discomfort all the time.
02:34:46.000 Yeah.
02:34:47.000 Oh.
02:34:48.000 Fuck, man.
02:34:49.000 I just don't understand.
02:34:51.000 You can't.
02:34:52.000 Yeah.
02:34:52.000 How can you?
02:34:54.000 There's certain levels of madness.
02:34:56.000 It's like there's a scale.
02:34:58.000 You could be a little crazy.
02:34:59.000 Well, I got this thing.
02:35:00.000 I have to wear different color socks.
02:35:02.000 I have this thing.
02:35:04.000 I only wear my underwear backwards.
02:35:05.000 I have this thing.
02:35:06.000 I like to be a mascot.
02:35:07.000 I like to fuck other mascots and we get together.
02:35:10.000 You could always get further and further down the crazy hole.
02:35:13.000 I have this thing.
02:35:13.000 I don't think I'm pregnant, but if I ever am, I'm definitely throwing it in a dumpster.
02:35:18.000 Well, there was a bumper sticker once I saw on a car, like a cop car, that was like telling people they didn't have to throw their baby away and they could bring their baby to a fire department and drop the baby off or a police station.
02:35:31.000 I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute.
02:35:32.000 Who the fuck is like, I'm on my way to the dumpster with my baby?
02:35:35.000 Oh, look at that bumper sticker!
02:35:36.000 Oh, I could just go to the fire department?
02:35:38.000 I have options.
02:35:38.000 Look at that.
02:35:39.000 What a great service the public is offering.
02:35:42.000 I've seen fire department things with a baby drop.
02:35:47.000 Like, window.
02:35:48.000 I mean, it's not like a Blockbuster video.
02:35:51.000 Drive-thru.
02:35:52.000 I've seen the sign that says, like, this is where you can leave an unwanted baby.
02:35:56.000 So it must happen frequently enough that...
02:35:59.000 It's a regular thing that people are like, you know, okay, fire departments are places that we can do this.
02:36:06.000 Fuck, man.
02:36:08.000 It's more evidence that there's groups of people when you have a city.
02:36:14.000 You know, you have a million people or five million people or ten million people, whatever it is.
02:36:18.000 When you get groups of people that aren't really interacting with their neighbors, don't really have real communities, they're not in real tribes, they're just sort of independent and wandering around.
02:36:28.000 There's madness all around us.
02:36:32.000 Unrecognized, unchecked madness, ignored madness.
02:36:36.000 It's just all around us.
02:36:38.000 We just don't deal with it.
02:36:41.000 If there was only 50 of us and we lived in the jungle together, you would know that bitch is pregnant.
02:36:45.000 Damn.
02:36:45.000 Yeah.
02:36:46.000 First of all, she wouldn't be fat because she would have to gather food and everybody's thin.
02:36:51.000 It's a law.
02:36:52.000 It's a law?
02:36:53.000 How to drop off an unwanted baby with easy pictures.
02:36:57.000 What?
02:36:58.000 Wow.
02:37:00.000 Safe Haven Law.
02:37:01.000 You must drop them off at a police department, fire station, or any hospital.
02:37:05.000 If a parent were to change their mind, they have 30 days after dropping off their infant to get their baby back from the state.
02:37:11.000 You have 30 days.
02:37:13.000 That makes me so sad.
02:37:14.000 That's crazy.
02:37:15.000 Imagine, like, on the 29th day, the 24th hour, you come in.
02:37:19.000 I just want my baby back.
02:37:20.000 Sorry, you just missed the cutoff.
02:37:22.000 Yeah.
02:37:23.000 It's just, uh, it's 30 days right now.
02:37:25.000 Like, tick, tock, tick.
02:37:27.000 Hold on, I got the baby.
02:37:27.000 You shouldn't give the baby back after one day.
02:37:30.000 Like, you know, if you went through the idea, if you're like, you know what, maybe I'm gonna drop this baby off at the fire department.
02:37:37.000 So depressing.
02:37:37.000 You probably should drop the baby off at the fire department.
02:37:39.000 So depressing.
02:37:41.000 It's so depressing.
02:37:42.000 Imagine being that poor fucking kid, and you find out that your mom dropped you off at the fire department?
02:37:47.000 It's probably better.
02:37:48.000 Maybe.
02:37:49.000 Yeah.
02:37:50.000 Who knows?
02:37:51.000 But then the fucked up thing is that all the babies have to become firefighters.
02:37:56.000 It's part of a...
02:37:57.000 Are you sure?
02:37:57.000 That's where firefighters come from.
02:37:59.000 They've all been dropped...
02:38:00.000 I think they come from storks.
02:38:02.000 I could be wrong, but I think all firefighters are dropped off babies that grow up.
02:38:08.000 Fuck, man.
02:38:09.000 You have to live in the firehouse.
02:38:10.000 Yeah.
02:38:10.000 Where's my toys?
02:38:11.000 I don't want an axe.
02:38:14.000 You got the cool pole.
02:38:15.000 You got the Dalmatian.
02:38:17.000 It's pretty good.
02:38:17.000 It's great if you're a stripper.
02:38:19.000 Early training.
02:38:23.000 Fuck, man.
02:38:25.000 God damn.
02:38:26.000 What a weird world we live in, huh?
02:38:29.000 There's too many of us.
02:38:30.000 That's the only...
02:38:31.000 Or...
02:38:31.000 Too many of us...
02:38:32.000 I shouldn't say too many of us, because...
02:38:34.000 The cool thing about cities, the cool thing about large urban centers is you get a high concentration of intelligence, too.
02:38:41.000 A high concentration of cool people.
02:38:43.000 A high concentration of things happening and things moving and progress.
02:38:47.000 But there's too many of us that aren't in contact with each other.
02:38:51.000 Yeah.
02:38:52.000 Well, it's weird.
02:38:53.000 Didn't, like, the population of the entire world stay somewhere around one billion for as long as we can, like, kind of, for a long time?
02:39:00.000 Like, you know, hundreds, hundreds, hundreds, maybe thousands of years.
02:39:04.000 And then, like, once we invented, basically, once we figured out how to use fossil fuels and, like, plastics and things, it kind of shot up to, like, seven billion within, like, a hundred years.
02:39:19.000 Like, you have more of a chance.
02:39:21.000 I mean, there's more people now than there's ever been by like a huge long shot.
02:39:25.000 Huge.
02:39:27.000 Yeah, there was a thing that I was listening to the other day that was talking about the population of the United States during World War II. And it was in the 1940s, it was 150 million people or less.
02:39:38.000 Really?
02:39:39.000 Yeah.
02:39:39.000 Now it's more than 300. It's like 350. Is it?
02:39:42.000 It's like 350. That's fucking crazy.
02:39:46.000 And then the world population is much larger than that.
02:39:49.000 The world population was, at the time, I think only like 2 billion.
02:39:52.000 And now it's at 7. Yeah.
02:39:54.000 Which is stunning.
02:39:56.000 Yeah.
02:39:56.000 Just astronomical increase in human beings.
02:39:59.000 It was at like 1 billion around like 1900 or something.
02:40:01.000 The whole world.
02:40:03.000 Yeah.
02:40:03.000 And so it's like doubled.
02:40:04.000 It doubled in like 40 years and now it's...
02:40:07.000 It's crazy.
02:40:08.000 A lot of people.
02:40:10.000 That's what makes you wonder.
02:40:12.000 But that's the other thing about the points to urbanization and to improvement of the quality of life is that apparently when the quality of life improves and there's more resources, people have less kids.
02:40:26.000 And also, when the quality of life improves and resources improve, the people have less kids because their careers become more important.
02:40:39.000 And they become more concerned with progress and with their career than they do with having a family.
02:40:46.000 So they have families later and later.
02:40:48.000 That's one of the things they also attribute to the increase in autism.
02:40:52.000 I think there's a contributing factor, apparently, like several times, several fold, is when you have children after a certain age.
02:41:04.000 For men, right?
02:41:05.000 Men and women.
02:41:06.000 Both of them.
02:41:06.000 Don't they think that it's linked to the male side?
02:41:09.000 That too.
02:41:10.000 But women as well.
02:41:11.000 Women, as they get older, like birth defects, increasing birth defect issues.
02:41:15.000 They didn't think it was men at all for a while, but now they do.
02:41:17.000 They used to think it was just the age of the woman.
02:41:21.000 But now they think it's the age of the men as well, the age of the sperm.
02:41:24.000 Because that's like going through the roof too.
02:41:25.000 It's like something like 1 in 25 now or something like that?
02:41:28.000 Autism?
02:41:29.000 Yeah.
02:41:29.000 They also think that that's also because they didn't really know what was wrong with Billy.
02:41:35.000 And now they've given him a name.
02:41:36.000 Oh, he's got autism.
02:41:37.000 Or he's on the spectrum.
02:41:39.000 He's got a spectrum disorder.
02:41:41.000 He's got Asperger's.
02:41:42.000 Fuck.
02:41:45.000 Whatever, dude.
02:41:46.000 What a great way to end this podcast.
02:41:48.000 Started out on AIDS, ended up on autism.
02:41:50.000 Dropping off babies at the hospital.
02:41:53.000 You're special, dude.
02:41:54.000 It was this past Friday?
02:41:56.000 Yeah, but it's available.
02:41:58.000 What's it called?
02:41:59.000 High in Church.
02:42:00.000 Did you ever get high in church?
02:42:02.000 Actually, I went to a Christian school and stuff.
02:42:06.000 I never actually got high in church.
02:42:08.000 There's a story about something that happened to my friend that I wrote the song about.
02:42:12.000 But I've been high at church basketball games and things like that.
02:42:15.000 Really?
02:42:17.000 You grew up Christian?
02:42:19.000 Yeah, my parents were Christian rock singers in the 80s.
02:42:21.000 What?
02:42:22.000 What?
02:42:22.000 Like Striker?
02:42:24.000 Is that what it is?
02:42:24.000 No, they were like folk kind of folk and then it became rock kind of thing.
02:42:28.000 So I grew up on a tour bus traveling around the country.
02:42:30.000 What?
02:42:31.000 Oh my god, that's amazing.
02:42:33.000 Yeah.
02:42:33.000 Holy shit, dude.
02:42:34.000 So I went to a really conservative high school and, you know, stuff.
02:42:39.000 Wow, that's weird.
02:42:42.000 How did you break free?
02:42:44.000 I don't know.
02:42:45.000 I think it's when something is around a lot, you know, you're kind of just, you know, as a kid growing up, you're kind of just like, okay, does everything have to be about, you know, church, that kind of thing?
02:42:54.000 Right.
02:42:59.000 It was always me and like two or three of the other quote-unquote bad kids that would be at the back of the class just like not taking things seriously and kind of making fun of everybody kind of thing.
02:43:08.000 So it was just kind of like that, you know.
02:43:11.000 Praise God.
02:43:11.000 Praise God for people like you.
02:43:13.000 Yeah, but that often happens, right?
02:43:15.000 I mean Cara Santa Maria is a friend of mine who's a...
02:43:17.000 She's a beautiful, intelligent neuroscientist who grew up in a strict religious household.
02:43:23.000 Now she's a devout atheist and...
02:43:26.000 You know, her parents don't like her.
02:43:27.000 They upset at her because she's an atheist and has metal in her face and a lip ring and shit.
02:43:34.000 But that's oftentimes the case, right?
02:43:36.000 Your parents are pushing a certain direction and you rebound and go crazy.
02:43:40.000 Yeah, well, I mean, the other bad, I mean, the other kids that I would hang out with were, like, other pastor's kids, you know?
02:43:45.000 They were the kids in the back that weren't, like, taking things seriously.
02:43:48.000 Yeah, they get tired of their parents telling them what to do.
02:43:51.000 If you restrict your kids too much, it's like what I was saying about my daughter with the soccer shit.
02:43:56.000 Like, you don't make them do anything, man.
02:43:58.000 You don't make them do things, you know?
02:44:00.000 You want your kid to not play piano?
02:44:02.000 Force him to play piano.
02:44:03.000 Fuck yeah, right?
02:44:04.000 Yeah.
02:44:05.000 I mean, sometimes it works, but God...
02:44:07.000 The amount of resentment that children have from really, like, overbearing parents.
02:44:12.000 When I was a kid, I dated this girl that went to Catholic school.
02:44:16.000 And her parents were, like, super strict Catholics.
02:44:19.000 And she was the biggest hoebag because of that.
02:44:24.000 Because of that.
02:44:25.000 Like, that girl probably fucked everyone who asked her.
02:44:28.000 Or everyone who wanted to.
02:44:30.000 Take that, daddy.
02:44:31.000 Up until the time she was probably like 30. She went on a rampage.
02:44:36.000 There was like a long list of people that I knew that fucked her.
02:44:38.000 It was crazy.
02:44:39.000 At a certain point in time, we were like, by the time we were like 19 or 20, I dated her when I guess we were like 16. And by the time we were like 19 or 20, I knew like a dozen dudes that had fucked her.
02:44:50.000 It was just chaos.
02:44:52.000 This girl was just fucking everybody.
02:44:55.000 And she was really pretty, too, so everybody wanted to fuck her.
02:44:58.000 All that suppression, like her parents were so overbearing, just so constantly drilling Jesus into her head and the Catholic guilt, and she just couldn't wait to just finger herself and just start sucking down.
02:45:13.000 Just run around.
02:45:14.000 She would get so drunk that she would just throw up and pass out.
02:45:18.000 She was out of fucking control.
02:45:21.000 And a lot of it was just her parents.
02:45:23.000 They just wound that spring up so tight.
02:45:31.000 Shot to the fucking moon.
02:45:33.000 It's weird how that works, right?
02:45:36.000 Were your parents overbearing about it?
02:45:39.000 Not.
02:45:40.000 I mean, it wasn't...
02:45:41.000 No, it was strict, but it was also not strict in weird ways.
02:45:47.000 I couldn't watch most stuff on television.
02:45:50.000 What was forbidden?
02:45:52.000 Dukes of Hazzard?
02:45:53.000 No, anything that had more than one swear word, I couldn't watch.
02:45:57.000 So I'd watch The Simpsons, and then they'd say damn something, and my parents would be like, all right, one more, and it's off.
02:46:03.000 And then I'd be like, oh God, please don't let Bart Simpson say damn again.
02:46:07.000 No, damn was a swear word?
02:46:09.000 Yeah, damn was a swear word.
02:46:10.000 And then I wasn't allowed to watch R-rated movies.
02:46:14.000 And so still to this day, there's all these great movies that came out in the 90s that I just didn't really see.
02:46:21.000 Stripes?
02:46:22.000 Never seen Stripes.
02:46:23.000 But I remember when I was in my early 20s, my girlfriend realized that I'd never seen any Terminators.
02:46:33.000 She was like, you haven't seen any Terminators?
02:46:34.000 I'm like, nah, I just never saw any of them.
02:46:36.000 And she was like, you have to watch the Terminators like that.
02:46:39.000 So we watched all three of them like that.
02:46:44.000 Binge Terminator movies?
02:46:44.000 Yeah, I watched all three Terminators.
02:46:45.000 She's like, what did you think?
02:46:46.000 I was like, I like the third one the best.
02:46:48.000 And she's like, you're crazy!
02:46:49.000 She's like...
02:46:50.000 But I didn't have the nostalgia.
02:46:52.000 Right.
02:46:53.000 So I just watched them all at once.
02:46:54.000 I was like, no, I liked how they blew the world up at the end.
02:46:56.000 I thought that was cool.
02:46:58.000 She's like, no.
02:46:58.000 I was like, the lady Terminator?
02:47:00.000 She was cool.
02:47:00.000 And I was like, no, no, no.
02:47:01.000 It's the second Terminator is the one.
02:47:04.000 The second is the one?
02:47:05.000 That's what she was saying.
02:47:06.000 I thought the first was the one.
02:47:07.000 No?
02:47:08.000 The first one has really shitty special effects.
02:47:10.000 Try to watch it today on Blu-ray, and you'll go, what the fuck is that?
02:47:15.000 That's not Arnold Schwarzenegger.
02:47:17.000 That thing's made out of silly putty.
02:47:20.000 God.
02:47:21.000 So are your parents, they're still around?
02:47:23.000 Yeah.
02:47:23.000 Are they still like super Jesus-ed out?
02:47:26.000 Yeah, they don't perform anymore, but they're like, you know, my mom's a teacher and my dad's a graphic designer.
02:47:31.000 Really?
02:47:32.000 Yeah.
02:47:32.000 Wow.
02:47:34.000 That's wild, man.
02:47:36.000 So what do they think about you and what you do?
02:47:39.000 They don't like it.
02:47:40.000 They, you know, my relationship is fine with them.
02:47:46.000 Do they ever set you down?
02:47:47.000 Trevor.
02:47:48.000 No, but they would...
02:47:50.000 Why, Trevor?
02:47:50.000 Yeah, well, yeah.
02:47:51.000 I mean, they don't like the material or the things that I talk about or what my comedy is usually about.
02:47:59.000 But on the other side of that coin, they're happy that things are going well.
02:48:06.000 They're happy that...
02:48:08.000 It's like a weird...
02:48:10.000 We kind of try not to talk about it.
02:48:13.000 When the special came out, I waited until pretty much the end to tell them, like, yeah, it's called High in Church.
02:48:21.000 And they were talking about it.
02:48:24.000 They were like, oh, we're excited for your special.
02:48:26.000 We're going to go over and meet with some of our friends, and we're going to watch it when it comes out.
02:48:30.000 And they're like, is it something we should watch?
02:48:31.000 I'm like, no, you probably shouldn't watch it.
02:48:33.000 I was like...
02:48:35.000 There's like one song you can probably watch.
02:48:37.000 I'll send you a link.
02:48:37.000 It's called High in Church.
02:48:39.000 Oh, that's so funny.
02:48:41.000 Oh my god.
02:48:42.000 Did they ever have a sit-down with you, like an intervention?
02:48:44.000 No, no, no.
02:48:45.000 I mean, it was more of like just phone arguments, kind of.
02:48:49.000 I did a song about the Pope called The Pope Rap, and I knew it was about to come out.
02:48:57.000 It was for my last album, and so I went home for Christmas one year, and I'd already shot the music video for it, and I was like, well, I might as well.
02:49:04.000 I was like, you know what I'll do?
02:49:05.000 I'll just kind of...
02:49:06.000 I'll just kind of nip this in the bud.
02:49:08.000 Like, I'll kind of show this to them while I'm here.
02:49:11.000 I can answer any questions about it.
02:49:12.000 Like, you know, so it's not like they see it.
02:49:14.000 It was a bad idea because I, like, ruined Christmas.
02:49:16.000 It was a big, like, fight.
02:49:17.000 And so now I just, I've learned from that.
02:49:18.000 I'm like, just don't watch it.
02:49:19.000 What was their argument?
02:49:20.000 What did they say to you?
02:49:21.000 Well, it's just like, you know, why would you...
02:49:23.000 Oh, you know what it is?
02:49:25.000 It's like, I think a lot of, like, they think that it's a personal...
02:49:29.000 Or they used to think that it was a personal affront to them.
02:49:33.000 And it's not, you know, like...
02:49:35.000 Oh, like you were rebelling...
02:49:37.000 Against them specifically or mocking because they were Christian musicians.
02:49:41.000 And I could see them thinking that.
02:49:44.000 But what I kind of had to explain is a lot of my comedy is about religion, history, and politics.
02:49:53.000 But that's because that's where I grew up.
02:49:54.000 I grew up on a Civil War battlefield in Virginia.
02:49:58.000 I'd go out with my grandfather and we would find cannonballs with metal detectors and you would dig them up and stuff.
02:50:03.000 Really?
02:50:03.000 Yeah, history was everywhere.
02:50:05.000 My uncles were Civil War reenactors.
02:50:07.000 What?
02:50:09.000 History was a big thing.
02:50:10.000 What side were they reenacting?
02:50:12.000 Both sides?
02:50:12.000 No, they were Confederates.
02:50:13.000 It was Virginia.
02:50:17.000 Sal's gonna do it again!
02:50:19.000 When they did that, like, what did they do?
02:50:21.000 They just put the outfits on and shit?
02:50:22.000 Oh, there'd be hundreds of people.
02:50:24.000 It would be like, you know, they reenact whole battles.
02:50:27.000 Now, when you say reenact, do they use, like, muskets with no balls in them?
02:50:31.000 Yeah, just flash powder.
02:50:32.000 Oh, that is fucking hilarious.
02:50:35.000 And then all the women come and they dress up at the time.
02:50:37.000 They kind of cheer everybody on.
02:50:38.000 Wow.
02:50:39.000 Oh my God.
02:50:40.000 That must be awesome.
02:50:41.000 Yeah.
02:50:42.000 Well, see, I was born in New York and I came down and all of my family lived in Virginia.
02:50:48.000 And so when I was a kid, everybody would play Civil War.
02:50:52.000 And all of my cousins had Civil War outfits.
02:50:55.000 And I was the only Yankee, so I'd get my ass kicked all the time.
02:50:59.000 And I was always like, that's not how it happened.
02:51:03.000 This is not how the war panned out.
02:51:06.000 That's hilarious!
02:51:07.000 You'd have to get your ass kicked!
02:51:08.000 So they wanted the South to win all the wars?
02:51:11.000 Oh, well, I mean, I think.
02:51:12.000 Did they ever allow the South to lose?
02:51:15.000 Because you're reenacting the war.
02:51:16.000 Oh, no, no.
02:51:17.000 The reenactments are one thing.
02:51:18.000 I'm talking about when I was playing with my cousins.
02:51:20.000 Oh, I see.
02:51:20.000 No, no, no.
02:51:21.000 They did it authentically to how the battles would actually play out.
02:51:25.000 But see, it's very unorganized.
02:51:27.000 It's people just running around, and you're shooting, and then I guess when you run out, you fake death, and you die, and then you kind of lay on the ground for the rest of the battle.
02:51:36.000 What is the fucking motivation to do that?
02:51:38.000 They don't reenact World War II. No one storms the beach of Normandy again.
02:51:44.000 Well, we have both sides here, and all the battlefields are here.
02:51:48.000 Oh, okay.
02:51:49.000 That makes sense.
02:51:50.000 It's easy.
02:51:51.000 Yeah, you can go to Gettysburg.
02:51:53.000 It's a couple-hour drive for most people.
02:51:55.000 My stepdad went and he said it was really depressing.
02:51:58.000 He said, I've never felt sadness in a location before.
02:52:02.000 To Gettysburg?
02:52:03.000 Yeah.
02:52:04.000 Oh, yeah.
02:52:04.000 I was there.
02:52:05.000 He goes, you could feel it.
02:52:06.000 You feel the fact that all those people died there, if that makes any sense at all.
02:52:10.000 No, it's a dark place.
02:52:11.000 And he's not a woo-woo guy.
02:52:12.000 He's a pretty straightforward guy.
02:52:14.000 So when he told me that, I was like, wow, really?
02:52:17.000 Yeah.
02:52:17.000 You could feel it?
02:52:18.000 I'll bet Normandy is like that.
02:52:19.000 You go there, I bet there's a heavy pall, you know?
02:52:22.000 Oh, I'd imagine.
02:52:23.000 There was somebody who did something on Normandy where they made, like, sand images.
02:52:31.000 Of all of the bodies that represent the thousands of people that died on that beach.
02:52:37.000 And it was really creepy.
02:52:39.000 I think it's important for people to understand the actual loss of life that you're dealing with.
02:52:45.000 But when this guy did it, he was like an artist.
02:52:46.000 There it is.
02:52:48.000 Wow.
02:52:49.000 And those things that are there, are those things from the war that are still there?
02:52:53.000 Is that what that is?
02:52:54.000 Those black things?
02:52:56.000 Yeah.
02:52:57.000 Is that what those are?
02:52:58.000 I think they are.
02:52:59.000 I think that's what that is.
02:53:01.000 Am I wrong?
02:53:02.000 They're never going to clean it up.
02:53:03.000 But look at what that represents.
02:53:05.000 That's crazy.
02:53:06.000 Imagine being there and seeing all those fucking bodies in real time.
02:53:09.000 I mean, these people were showing up in boats, and as they're getting out of the boats, they're just getting shot at.
02:53:17.000 Yeah, I mean it's like...
02:53:19.000 That's the mind-blowing thing about...
02:53:22.000 Or, I guess, big battles and wars.
02:53:24.000 I mean, you go to, like, basic training, you spend all this time, like, preparing, and then you get dropped into something like that.
02:53:30.000 I mean, how much of it is...
02:53:31.000 I mean, I guess it's why you hear all those...
02:53:34.000 Whenever you, you know, hear an interview with, like, a war veteran, they're like, you know, I'm not a hero.
02:53:38.000 The real heroes are the people that, you know, die that day.
02:53:41.000 I mean, it's just, like, it's just luck.
02:53:42.000 You know, you're just, like, one of the people that got through and, like, you know...
02:53:46.000 I mean, it's just...
02:53:50.000 That opening scene in Saving Private Ryan.
02:53:53.000 Yeah.
02:53:53.000 Opening scene when everyone's getting blown up in front of them.
02:53:56.000 That's intense.
02:53:57.000 Jesus fucking Christ.
02:53:58.000 That's real, man.
02:53:59.000 That's the real war.
02:54:01.000 Yeah.
02:54:01.000 You know, that was one of the things about that Brian Williams thing that I found particularly disturbing.
02:54:06.000 When Brian Williams got caught not telling the truth about his helicopter getting shot at, what was interesting to me was not just that, that this...
02:54:15.000 Fucking news guy lied, but that the pilot of the helicopter that he was on was telling his version of the story, because they had interviewed him, and he said, well, our helicopter did get hit with small arms fire, and the helicopter in front of us was the one that got hit by the RPG,
02:54:33.000 and then we had to land, and we had to drop off our load first, and that's why we were an hour behind them, but we were all in the same convoy.
02:54:42.000 So he's telling the story.
02:54:43.000 He's essentially like...
02:54:45.000 Letting Brian Williams off the hook a little bit.
02:54:47.000 Because he was saying, well, we did get hit.
02:54:49.000 We were being attacked.
02:54:50.000 There's no doubt about it.
02:54:51.000 And then a lot of people were like, well, why would he lie about that?
02:54:54.000 Because the lie doesn't make him look any better.
02:54:58.000 You were in a war.
02:55:00.000 You were getting attacked.
02:55:01.000 You did have to land.
02:55:02.000 You did...
02:55:03.000 Take small arms fire, and you were stuck in a sandstorm for two days.
02:55:07.000 That's a fine story.
02:55:09.000 It's a fucking crazy story.
02:55:11.000 Just the sandstorm, just watching another helicopter in front of you get hit with an RPG. But then the guy said that he got calls from all these other people.
02:55:21.000 That were saying, no, you didn't have Brian Williams in your helicopter.
02:55:24.000 This guy did, or that guy did.
02:55:26.000 And there was more than one story emerging of different people saying that they had Brian Williams in his helicopter.
02:55:31.000 And then he said, you know what?
02:55:32.000 I might be wrong.
02:55:34.000 I don't even want to talk about this anymore, because I've been doing these interviews about this, now all the nightmares are coming back.
02:55:41.000 He was like, I tried to put this aside...
02:55:43.000 And it put in my mind, it made me really think about getting over traumatic situations like that and how much of the truth of, you know, we're talking about like 12 plus years ago, how much of the truth do you retain in your memory?
02:56:00.000 And how much of it is just...
02:56:03.000 Really, really confusing and fucked up because it's just bullets and chaos and nightmares and dead bodies and who knows how many times that guy saw somebody die.
02:56:11.000 And then they're asking him to recall a very specific instance where one very specific...
02:56:19.000 Unremarkable at the time, news guy was with him.
02:56:22.000 Unremarkable at the time, because nothing happened other than this news guy was there.
02:56:26.000 He probably took a bunch of different people.
02:56:28.000 Who knows?
02:56:29.000 He's not excited that Brian Williams is in his helicopter.
02:56:32.000 He doesn't care.
02:56:32.000 The crazy thing is, he's in war, and he's getting shot at, and he's all PTSD'd out.
02:56:38.000 And so, you know, he said, you know, respectfully, I just don't want to talk about this anymore, just because of my memories.
02:56:44.000 Like, it's really fucking me up.
02:56:46.000 And all these things that I had tried to forget, now I'm being forced to remember them again.
02:56:50.000 And my memory might be fucked up.
02:56:51.000 Yeah.
02:56:52.000 I was like, wow, that is, that's something to consider, that memories are not carved in stone.
02:56:58.000 They're just not.
02:56:59.000 I mean, they're almost hardly used in courts, you know, eyewitness stuff.
02:57:07.000 Because it's like, you change, you know, embellishment.
02:57:11.000 Like, you know, you always tell...
02:57:14.000 I mean, I always, like, you know, tell a story.
02:57:16.000 And then somebody, you know, from like 10 years ago, and somebody would be like, that's not what happened.
02:57:20.000 It happened like this.
02:57:21.000 And then you're like...
02:57:22.000 Oh, yeah, you're right.
02:57:23.000 It did.
02:57:24.000 It's just kind of, it's changed, and you see it a certain way.
02:57:28.000 Like, it can just, like, small things, but you're like, oh, I guess that was this person.
02:57:31.000 In my mind, I remember it being this other person that was there, but I guess that person wasn't there.
02:57:36.000 And then you have to go, well, are you sure you got it right?
02:57:39.000 Right.
02:57:40.000 It's like...
02:57:41.000 Yeah, I remember some things very clearly, very clearly, because I kind of told the story more than once, and the points in the story that were specific were very important.
02:57:52.000 But yeah, there's some other stories that are just fucking loosely pieced together flashes in my brain, like images that I can kind of recall, kind of, and chain of events that I can kind of recall correctly.
02:58:06.000 Yeah.
02:58:06.000 But people are just, some people are married to the idea that they remember everything exactly how it happened.
02:58:11.000 Nobody does, I don't think.
02:58:13.000 The weird thing is like when you tell a story, or like something crazy happens in college, and it's a story right out the gate, you know, kind of thing.
02:58:20.000 And you're telling that story, and you tell that story for years and years and years.
02:58:23.000 And then at a certain point, you don't really remember the actual event anymore, but you remember the story.
02:58:27.000 You've been telling the story forever.
02:58:28.000 Like someone will be like, remember when this happened?
02:58:30.000 You're like, no, but I do remember the story, you know.
02:58:32.000 I remember it happened, but I have no memory of it anymore, really.
02:58:35.000 And then some people remember shit that you don't remember at all.
02:58:38.000 And they're like, come on, man.
02:58:39.000 You don't remember?
02:58:40.000 We did that thing together.
02:58:41.000 You're like, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about.
02:58:44.000 Is this guy crazy?
02:58:45.000 Or do I just not have a memory of an actual event?
02:58:48.000 Which one is this?
02:58:51.000 I'll tell you what I'm going to remember, Trevor Moore.
02:58:53.000 This podcast.
02:58:54.000 Me too.
02:58:54.000 Smoking is good for your memory, too.
02:58:56.000 Yes, I heard.
02:58:56.000 Nicotine.
02:58:57.000 I think we're out of time.
02:58:58.000 We're going to turn into a pumpkin any minute now.
02:59:02.000 Oh.
02:59:03.000 Oh.
02:59:04.000 I, Trevor Moore.
02:59:06.000 I, the letter I, Trevor Moore, on Twitter website.
02:59:10.000 TrevorMoore.org.
02:59:12.000 Hi in church.
02:59:13.000 You can get it on Comedy Central Direct.
02:59:15.000 Is it one of those five-buck jammies?
02:59:16.000 Yeah.
02:59:16.000 Nice.
02:59:17.000 How nice is that?
02:59:18.000 Louis C.K., set the fucking model.
02:59:19.000 Yeah.
02:59:20.000 And we all follow.
02:59:21.000 Game changer.
02:59:22.000 That's it.
02:59:22.000 Dude, thank you very much.
02:59:23.000 Let's do this again.
02:59:24.000 Thanks for having me.
02:59:24.000 This was a blast.
02:59:25.000 Again.
02:59:26.000 We will do it again.
02:59:27.000 All right.
02:59:27.000 And again.
02:59:28.000 Awesome.
02:59:28.000 And then we'll have false memories about the podcast we did.
02:59:31.000 All right, my friends.
02:59:32.000 See you soon.
02:59:33.000 Much love.