On this episode of the Joe Rogan Show, the guys talk about the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight, the XFL, the UFC, and the NFL. Joe also talks about his favorite sport to watch on TV, the fight game, and why he thinks the UFC is better than the NHL. Joe also gives his thoughts on the UFC vs. The XFL and what he thinks about the current state of the NFL, and what the UFC should be doing to make the game more fun and exciting for fans of both sports. The guys also talk about what he would like to see the UFC do in the future, and if the UFC can beat the NFL in the long term. They also discuss the future of the UFC and how the UFC could compete with the NFL and other sports in the modern era. Joe and the guys also discuss some of their favorite fights of all-time and what they would like the UFC to do to make it more exciting and more fun. And of course, there's a little bit of trash talk. Enjoy the episode! -Joe Rogan and the crew The Joe Rogans Show. -The Crew -Your Hosts: , & . - The Guys - and Podcast (featuring: ) - The Crew, , and . . . (Joe Rogans, ) (Brad Williams, , Brad Williams, and ) is a guest on the show. ( ) is joined by his good friend and good friend, . ( ) ( ) and ( ), ( ). ( podcast, ), and , ( ) & ! ( , ) ( . , & ( . ) ( ), and ( ) . . ) & ( ) , , , . , ( ... AND ( ) is And ( ) ! ... ( & ) & ( ) , and ( , AND :), ; Music: "The XFL ( ) - ( ) And , And Show ( ) :) This is an show, :) - And - And ( : ) - This Is My Life podcast ( ) AND , I , This Is Not My Life Podcast , . )
00:00:09.000If you told me six, seven years ago that I was going to be on the Joe Rogan podcast, or the Joe Rogan show, I would have told you no way in hell.
00:00:18.000Well, it didn't exist, so you'd have to go to Colorado.
00:01:36.000So for her, watching it is just boring as fuck.
00:01:39.000It's just two dudes not hitting each other, and then when one dude gets close, the other dude grabs him.
00:01:44.000Yeah, I love watching hockey on TV. That's my favorite sport to watch on TV. And hockey is notoriously awful on TV, and people hate it on TV. I love it, because I played for five years when I was a kid, so I recognize that they're setting up plays,
00:02:02.000I recognize strategies and stuff like that.
00:02:05.000So when I'm trying to explain to people, they're just like, this is stupid, they're not scoring, I can't follow the puck.
00:02:09.000And I'm trying to tell them the ins and outs of it.
00:02:13.000And I'm sure the fight game is like that for you.
00:02:15.000Do they still have that thing where they follow the puck with a circle?
00:02:45.000Well, the amazing part is that I was a huge fan of the XFL. If people remember the XFL, that was Vince McMahon's thing.
00:02:52.000And then a lot of the stuff that they did is now being implemented into the NFL. Like what kind of stuff?
00:02:58.000Like, the overhead camera that is, like, on strings and that follows the game from the top, that was XFL. That was XFL before, trying to make, I mean, they tried to make kickoffs more exciting until, like, all the concussion stuff came out.
00:03:15.000But yeah, like, there's a few things, and certainly making it more...
00:03:19.000Vince at least recognized that it would be more fun if there was, like, complex storylines and, like, you...
00:03:26.000You knew the soap opera of it, much like he did for wrestling.
00:03:30.000So now you see the NFL, and it's the world's greatest reality show.
00:03:35.000They follow the guys off the field, and they get into their lives, and now it's what the XFL was.
00:03:42.000They're trying to build up rivalries, and you know what players actually don't like each other, and who slept with whose wife, and things like that.
00:03:49.000You know, the problem with getting into the NFL's life, like getting into the player's life, is like you're trying to pretend that these guys are not these savage gladiators who are just smashing people every day.
00:04:18.000He's so intense, he's like, yeah, okay, so if violence isn't the answer, move out of your mansion, because that's what built that mansion, was violence.
00:04:48.000When you see these fighters, or these football players, and you see them doing ridiculous shit, and people get all surprised, you can't ask them to be anything other than what they really are.
00:05:00.000And if you want that result, you want that Ray Rice result, you're going to get a Ray Rice.
00:05:08.000Which is not saying we condone it, but it's just saying don't be surprised when it happens.
00:05:14.000Well, you can't all of a sudden, in 2015, start putting cameras on these guys and following them around and expecting them to have exemplary behavior.
00:05:22.000What they're good at is when the fucking play starts, they're good at getting shit done.
00:05:26.000And the way you do that is through violence, explosive athleticism, smashing into things, fucking diving through mounds of Enormous, steroided up dudes.
00:05:39.000Yeah, and then with so much testosterone boiling over, and then when Richard Sherman gives an interview last year or two years ago, when he's like, why do they think Crabtree can be put on me?
00:06:12.000And then just, like, come off like he's an Oscar Wilde player, like, well, as we were on the field of battle, might I tell you, it was quite an interesting route, that one.
00:06:45.000After they've just been punched in the face.
00:06:48.000And that's literally the most testosterone probably that can run through your body in a three-minute period of just, like, getting revved up.
00:06:54.000And then Joe Rogan comes in and puts a microphone in.
00:07:00.000Explain what happened out there, and then they expect these guys to get a complex thing.
00:07:06.000People wonder why athletes, they get mad that they always have those textbook answers, like one game at a time, I was just doing a play at a time, we're gonna go back and we're gonna examine.
00:07:17.000They have those scripted answers so they don't have to think about giving those answers because they can't in those moments.
00:07:24.000Not only that, a lot of people are just not that good talking on camera.
00:07:28.000Like, that's something you've got to get relaxed at.
00:07:30.000We forget because we talk for a living.
00:07:35.000Our normal is talking in front of a bunch of strangers and being funny on a moment's notice, whether it be in an interview or a radio show or a podcast, whatever, just, hey, flip the switch, go.
00:07:48.000Like, when they have an actor give a speech at an award show, and it's like something crazy happens and they have to be spontaneous, it's like, no, they're actors.
00:08:02.000One of the best interviews ever was Mickey Rourke when he won some like Golden Globe or one of those fucking, whatever the name of the, I think all awards are stupid.
00:08:10.000I don't pay attention to any of that shit.
00:09:12.000I just want to say one thing about Eric Roberts.
00:09:15.000Eric Roberts is probably the best actor I ever worked with, and I don't know why, in the last 15 years, ain't nobody giving him a chance to show his shit again, because whatever he did 15, 20 years ago should be forgiven, and I wish there was...
00:10:26.000You know, I've just gotten thousands of letters and shit from my people, strangers and people that know me about my dog that died six days ago.
00:11:08.000I told people in the past, directors like Darren Aronofsky come around every 25 years the same way like Chimino, Coppola, Parker, Adrian Lyne, all the rest of them.
00:11:18.000And I said 25 years, and he whispered in my ear, 30. Uh...
00:11:24.000And the only thing I want to say to any young actor or any actor that gets an opportunity to work with Darren, you better be in shape because he will break you down.
00:11:31.000He is one tough son of a bitch and he don't like it when I say that because he goes, Mickey, you'll scare all the other actors away from me.
00:13:10.000I mean that's what do you think like that's what this business does to people that as they age like rather be Renee Zellweger or Mickey Rourke or now there's some pictures out there I think of I think it's Uma Thurman where it's like I Uma Thurman's gotten plastic surgery?
00:13:26.000I think they did some plastic surgery.
00:13:27.000I think she did some plastic surgery to her and it's just something where you're built up as like sort of either a sex symbol or whatever for so long and then it just goes it starts to fade away and then does that fuck with your head?
00:13:47.000And I think beauty is, like, a really hard one because some women, they go from being unbelievably desirable and then through no fault of their own, just father time...
00:15:10.000Yeah, you could do some amazing shit with makeup if you're a chick.
00:15:13.000Yeah, there's also a story about a dude, he's a makeup artist, I think he's a black guy, and he showed that with makeup he could look like Kim Kardashian.
00:15:25.000And he put makeup on his face, and at the end of it, you're like, yeah, that, let me, granted, it looks like a Madame Tussaud's, like, wax museum Kim Kardashian, but that's, you look like that.
00:15:37.000Like, you created that, and then his face without it is not like that at all, obviously.
00:15:44.000It's like, you didn't ask for it, you didn't work for it, and just, boom!
00:15:50.000It's that old debate, would you rather have all the looks and then slowly lose them, or would you rather be like Jason Alexander that looks the exact same as he did 30 years ago?
00:16:33.000I did it, but you know what happens, man?
00:16:35.000First of all, you get a scar in the back of your head, so I have like a permanent smile on the back of my head, and then second of all, if the rest of your hair falls out, the way I described it is like taking healthy people and moving them into a neighborhood where everyone's dying, the other hair falls out.
00:17:36.000It's also like, a girl like Uma Thurman, I mean, how much shopping around does she do for a plastic surgeon, if she even got plastic surgery, or the other one, Renee Zellweger?
00:18:31.000Like, you know, because, hey, some people are born and they've got like the natural, like Bo Jackson, where they say like just natural athlete, like God-given talent, Herschel Walker, just did push-ups and sit-ups his entire damn life.
00:19:30.000Yeah, well, because it's a genetic mutation.
00:19:32.000So you have slight differences in how the gene changes.
00:19:37.000So there are literally some dwarves out there, some little people that it's only like one of three people in the entire world that have that specific type of dwarfism.
00:22:59.000What's beautiful about what he does and his character in that show is he utilizes it to his advantage and he lets people underestimate him because of it.
00:25:08.000Yeah, that's why I said at the very beginning, like, if you told me six years ago that I'd be sitting with you, I'd be like, no way in hell, because there was a time, and I talked about this with Red Band on my podcast when he came on, there was a time I hated you guys.
00:25:25.000I absolutely hated you, and I had never met you guys before.
00:25:28.000But, you know, it was like teams, you know what I mean?
00:25:31.000It was like, this guy's trying to take out my boss and my friend.
00:29:01.000Yeah, and when I started doing comedy, that started happening a lot.
00:29:05.000I was a fan of people, and then, you know, once you get past a certain level, and that level is pretty much just open-miker, once you get past that level, you meet everyone.
00:29:16.000If you're in New York or LA, you run into everybody.
00:29:19.000So now I'm friends with Dave Attell, which is...
00:30:15.000Even the most brilliant people on earth are just people.
00:30:18.000And one of the things that I've found is the most successful people, the most interesting people, people that I truly enjoy talking to, they don't expect anything different.
00:30:26.000And as soon as someone does expect something different, then they stop being cool.
00:32:06.000They consume entertainment just because they're a human being.
00:32:09.000Well, that's also the cool thing about podcasts is that podcasts, these long-form conversations with no interruptions, they give you insight to a person.
00:32:29.000Yeah, it's not that radio thing where it's like, alright, you have a four-minute break, and so you're like peppering, you're pretty much doing your act because you're just trying to get as many jokes in as possible so people come see you in wherever comedy club you're playing.
00:32:45.000It's like, no, this is an actual conversation where you actually can dive into how people tick and what people's thoughts are.
00:33:26.000And then you have to sort of build up this conversation.
00:33:28.000I think it's also one of the reasons why I like doing these really long form conversations, because I always found when I'm talking to people, when we're alone, I'm having a really cool conversation with someone.
00:33:38.000It takes a while to sort of get cooking.
00:33:40.000And then when it gets cooking, everybody sort of relaxes and settles in.
00:33:43.000Then you really kind of understand who that person is.
00:33:55.000That I wanted to ask you about, because he said there was a meeting at some point, or you brought something up during the whole feud, war thing, call it whatever you will, where you said, let's steal Mencia's midget.
00:34:28.000We might have joked around about it because it was during the same sort of time period, but we did a sketch Stanhope did on The Man Show, where he went at, oh, look at the devil.
00:34:44.000There was a sketch for the Man Show where Doug Stanhope was trying to steal the Man Show midget from those guys, from the Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel show.
00:35:00.000It was a brilliant, brilliant fucking bit.
00:35:38.000As I get older, I'm like, if you weren't alive, you would never expect life, right?
00:35:44.000Because you wouldn't have any expectations, you wouldn't be alive.
00:35:46.000Now that you are alive, you wouldn't expect what happens after life.
00:35:49.000We're just guessing that it's nothing.
00:35:51.000And I'm not saying that it's a bunch of dudes in the clouds with a harp, but it's very possible that whatever the fuck consciousness is, is not...
00:36:02.000It's not restricted only to this existence.
00:36:05.000It's very possible that whatever you have, whatever's going on when you dream, whatever's going on when you take mushrooms, whatever's going on when you die, they might be very similar things.
00:36:15.000Your consciousness might be some sort of energy that moves on to some new plane of existence that might be way cooler than this monkey body.
00:36:25.000If the theory holds true that there's an infinite number of universes, who knows that you just don't hop to another universe and say, alright, there's your shot again.
00:37:07.000DMT trips are way more intense than a dream because you're flooding your brain with this chemical that's native to your brain.
00:37:14.000The idea being that when you're sleeping there's times when you're in heavy REM sleep or you're not conscious where you do visit these same realms But I've never remembered it before not like like last night like last night I was in there man It was really really really intense and very strange,
00:37:29.000but it was Essentially it was this this dream was in some way Telling me that this that that what we're doing here right now that don't get all crazy about this Don't get crazy about this life Don't get too fixated on it because it's really just one piece of some sort of infinite mandala of existence and Just like that was the the entire DMT trip in my dream was it was real Relax
00:38:00.000it was like somehow or another Coaxing or coaching rather me to to relax and to understand that like all the stress and all the Weird shit that people have in their brain like the more you can like settle that in the more you can ah The more you can exist in in like a real peaceful state where where this is like your real self You're just constantly being inundated with all these different ideas
00:38:30.000and stresses and different things that you're trying to accomplish and different things that you're concentrating on, worrying about, concerned about, that you anticipate in the future.
00:38:39.000But I thought all these things are bullshit.
00:40:02.000There was one time, it was my birthday in Vegas, and I was severely dehydrated, and on top of that, I took way too much of a pot cookie and passed out at the Rio, like, next to a slot machine.
00:40:23.000The weirdest thing is that, like, first of all, it's Vegas, so people walk by, they see a midget passed out in the Rio, they're like, oh, that's a new exhibit.
00:42:24.000Rhabdo is when your kidneys start failing because your kidneys can't process.
00:42:30.000Yeah, your muscles are breaking down and your kidneys can't process all the toxins and all the fluid.
00:42:38.000Yeah, it's very dangerous and it was really rare up until this CrossFit Sort of craze, but now when people go to the hospital, and they find that they're having kidney failure, and they have this rhabdomyelosis, or however the fuck you say it,
00:42:53.000and they always ask them, are you doing CrossFit?
00:42:56.000Because CrossFit, they're trying to get people to do, like, you know, 50 fucking clean impresses in a row, and they'll have competitions with each other.
00:43:04.000You're pushing your body way past, like, a workout limit.
00:43:08.000You're pushing your pot to the point of, like, real failure.
00:43:12.000You talk to a guy who's done CrossFit for 10 years and doesn't have some significant fucking injuries, like significant back injuries, significant muscle tears, or something along those lines.
00:43:22.000I'm really glad you're saying this, Joe, because now I could have a legitimate reason to not do CrossFit, and not just that I'm a lazy fuck.
00:43:30.000My good friend is Steve Maxwell, who's this really world-renowned strength and conditioning coach, and he's worked with a lot of high-level MMA fighters.
00:43:38.000He was one of the first Americans to get his black belt in jiu-jitsu, and he's just this great guy and knows so much about martial arts and knows so much about strength and conditioning and health, and he fucking hates it.
00:43:51.000He thinks that what CrossFit is, he says, you're doing a competition to lift weights.
00:43:57.000He's like, unless you're doing, like, a power...
00:44:00.000Like, when you watch powerlifting, they do that once.
00:44:05.000Like, when you're doing a bunch of them in a row, like, what his take on it is that weightlifting should be to strengthen your body for sports.
00:44:37.000And there's other people that have a similar criticism, and their take on it is that when you see these big compound movements, like Olympic cleans and presses, like these are full body movements, those are supposed to be done with low repetition.
00:44:54.000A few times, maybe, you know, maybe a couple, but you're not supposed to engage those muscles like that, like over and over and over again to the point of failure, because you're taking some big fucking risks.
00:45:12.000Well, yeah, you've seen all the YouTube videos of people like dropping the weight on their necks or like some people lose their bowels while they're doing the weight lifting.
00:46:03.000It's just one of those things where a lot of people are doing it, and there are benefits to it.
00:46:08.000There's benefits to any kind of exercise.
00:46:10.000You're raising your heart rate up, you're getting your body to work, your body's gonna break down and recover, it's gonna get stronger because of that process.
00:47:08.000If at all, I have a friend, a friend of his ran an ultramarathon, and she had kidney failure that was so bad, you could take your finger and push it into her arm, and it would stay, like the dent would stay, and then it would slowly come back up like she was made out of,
00:48:48.000It's less focused on just plain looks and attention and all the bullshit that comes with this town.
00:48:56.000Yeah, that you characterize for Hollywood.
00:48:58.000I mean, we're kind of out of that loop because we're comics and, you know, we hang around at the store and it's just like, we're barely in that loop, you know, but goddamn, every now and then I dip my toe into it.
00:49:08.000Like, I'll go to a restaurant and I'll see paparazzi in front and people that are like, it's just all that horse shit.
00:49:15.000Yeah, the most annoying part about the whole LA scene for me is talking to someone, and while I'm trying to make eye contact, they're looking around for the next person to talk to.
00:49:28.000If you go to certain places, that's all anyone is doing, is looking for famous people to walk in.
00:49:32.000Yeah, and then they're going to go talk, like, okay, I'm talking to you now, because you've done a few things in your life, but the next person that walks in...
00:49:40.000I guess I kind of get it, because it's sort of like birdwatching.
00:51:31.000I mean, he's like a really sweet, progressive guy, and he got attacked for the way he portrayed Scarlett Johansson's character in the movie.
00:52:23.000And he was typing in all this shit and putting all these tweets about X-Men, Ultra about it being violent, all these different things like, do you know what the fuck you went to see?
00:53:35.000You can get video on your phone, you go outside, you hear birds chirp, you meet people, you hug them.
00:53:40.000And all you're doing is complaining about a fucking cartoon movie.
00:53:44.000A cartoonish comic book movie as if somehow or another this is the degradation of the moral fiber of our culture and the degrading of women and dehumanizing.
00:53:55.000What was their message behind the Hulk smashing a Mercedes?
00:53:58.000Is that that we need to not buy foreign cars?
00:54:23.000I love that advice not for the fact that nobody cares in terms of no one loves you or anything like that, but a lot of these people get in their own heads and it's very narcissistic where it's like, oh, this person tweeted this so this offends me.
00:55:02.000Like, I've got a comic friend of mine, and she told me, she's like, I don't know, I'm really stressing over the fact that some people said something about my Twitter avatar picture, and I think it's holding me back in this business.
00:55:56.000With a leather jacket on from the 80s.
00:56:00.000It's basically like your news radio promo pic.
00:56:03.000You're like, really dude, you couldn't find anything else?
00:56:05.000Well, there's just so many fucking, you know, there's so many people out there that have ideas of like what you need to do as a comic or an actor, like what you need to do.
00:56:15.000And it's because they're trying to figure out themselves.
00:56:17.000A part of it, they're trying to like justify their own choices with you, you know, or, you know, I just I feel like this is holding you back, or I feel like this is holding me back, and they're trying to figure it out.
00:57:30.000My opinion on the amount of people that suck is it's a very small amount.
00:57:36.000But if they're a vocally active, very small amount...
00:57:38.000If you look at some of these people, like we were talking about the Social Justice Warrior guys, that guy had fucking 15 tweets about X-Men.
00:57:48.000Fifteen tweets about how horrible it was and sexist and ableist and all this different stupid fucking shit.
00:57:55.000If you are one person and you have all these comments on the horrible nature of this one particular thing, it's like this guy runs into that and he's fucking tired of it.
00:58:08.000There's, I mean, it's strange because all these social media platforms, like you say, they're unbelievable in terms of the fact that you can communicate with anyone.
00:58:19.000You could get, because before, you didn't know how to get an access to someone that you were a fan of or that you watched on TV. You wouldn't know how to do it.
00:58:40.000But then you have so much else that comes with it where now because people have that voice, now they feel like people need to hear their voice constantly in whatever topic that might be.
00:58:50.000Rather be, I got offended at this personal thing.
00:58:53.000Everyone needs to know, I was offended by that.
00:58:56.000Everyone needs to stop and acknowledge.
00:59:00.000So when they're complaining about something or calling something sexist or calling something homophobic or whatever they're doing, sometimes they're complaining, but oftentimes what they're doing is they're trying to show you that they know that something's bad, which makes them of a high moral fiber.
00:59:17.000They're trying to show you that they're a very moral person with really strong, intelligent opinions, and that these assholes, these Neanderthals that are ruining the world, they're below them.
00:59:28.000Yeah, I get that because I say the word midget a lot, and that is apparently a horrible word.
00:59:34.000Dude, you got a fucking green light to say midget like I got a green light to say guinea, okay?
00:59:39.000If anybody gets mad at me for calling Italians guineas, you know my last name is Rogan.
01:00:35.000Didn't they say it was sexist or something?
01:00:38.000They're saying that they use the word bossy to describe women, the women that are powerful or women that are strong and in charge, that they're bossy and that you're demeaning them and trying to marginalize them in some sort of way.
01:00:50.000And, you know, women are like, get the fuck out of here.
01:01:05.000By middle school, girls are less interested in leading than boys.
01:01:09.000Listen, man, there's a lot of that that's social, there's a lot of that that's learned behavior, and there's a lot of that that's biological.
01:01:53.000If you say, like, I think there was a story recently about a woman firefighter that got hired just because, like, they needed a woman firefighter.
01:02:02.000And it's like, you're going down a slope where it's like, if I'm stuck in a burning building...
01:02:08.000Like, hey, if she can run up there, granted I don't weigh a lot, but if she can come up there and throw me over her shoulder and get me out of there just as fast, fantastic.
01:03:20.000It was like a love story because there was a guy and a girl and he was struggling trying to get it together and the fucking girl and him fall in love and the Indian guys helped him.
01:04:47.000I'm not in any way saying that someone shouldn't be able to do that, but what I am saying is when it comes to athletic competition, you got a 50 year old man playing fucking college basketball against 18 year old girls.
01:04:59.000If that's your daughter, And your daughter, she can't perform to the best of her abilities because it's unfair.
01:05:05.000Because you have this giant fucking man, who's now a woman, who's 50, who's had full testosterone for 47 fucking years, or whatever the hell it is, before she became a man, or became a woman.
01:05:28.000Yeah, that's what I had a huge fucking problem with, and still do, and most people do too.
01:05:32.000And by the way, a lot of fucking transgender people have an issue with that.
01:05:37.000The people who don't have an issue with that, or have an issue with me, are the super progressive, ultra-liberal, social justice warrior types.
01:05:45.000That they don't have a dog in the fight.
01:07:11.000If they could do it, like, say if they could do it and it was a one-time thing, it took a year, like, I had ACL reconstruction, that took like six months, and someone said, oh man, I wouldn't even get the surgery.
01:07:21.000I'm like, but I go through the six months and then my knee works again.
01:07:24.000Like, if someone could do that, if they could give you a surgery, and you would be in pain for like a year, but after that year, you would be, you know...
01:09:21.000You're not even qualified, it's so lazy.
01:09:25.000But to answer your question, yeah, I would probably do that.
01:09:29.000I'd probably, because there's health things that I'm going to go through that I'm already going through that your average-sized people don't have to go through.
01:09:37.000Like what kind of things are you going through?
01:09:40.000Surgery on my legs because my legs were bowed and so I had to have surgery on them to like straighten them up because they were unhealthily bowed like I looked like I was a fucking croquet wicket and then I have back problems now like granted everyone has back problems it seems like but I've like because my spine I've got not scoliosis,
01:10:46.000You know, and then they just straighten it up and I had to be in a wheelchair for about like eight months But yeah, when did you have that done junior high?
01:10:54.000So right when you're trying to get cool I was in a wheelchair.
01:11:02.000Yeah, and and I've been lucky like like the fact that I've only had essentially one major dwarf related surgery That's pretty rare for a 31 year old little person like there's a lot of us that have more surgeries than that and So, in that way, yeah, I would absolutely do the magical surgery that made me not.
01:11:21.000Jamie, see if you can find that piece that they did on people in China that got that limb lengthening surgery, because it was really disturbing.
01:11:30.000This poor guy, he wanted his face blurred out, but he was just talking about how he was hoping that he could get a woman, that someday a woman would talk to him.
01:15:31.000And that's the thing that trips me out too, is like, these are advertised people that are just like five, three, or whatever, that are getting the surgery.
01:15:38.000When dwarves do it, we still have the disproportionate body.
01:15:42.000So you can still tell, it's like, oh, that, like, you don't suddenly become like a normal looking person.
01:15:47.000Like, you look like a dwarf that was stretched out in a fucking taffy machine.
01:15:51.000Like, it's not like everything now fits and looks as it should.
01:15:56.000Well, for someone who is a dwarf, they would literally have to stretch out almost all of your body, right?
01:16:13.000On the left, but then, like, look at how the thighs on the right, like, when she's had the limb lengthening, your ass and thighs are still those dwarf ass and thighs, which are fucking huge.
01:16:25.000They're massive, so that just, it looks like she has a weird thyroid problem now.
01:16:30.000Well, it's also, she's only lengthened her shins, right?
01:16:57.000That's what you had to This is accomplished with a series of three controversial bone lengthening procedures using technology developed in Southern California with such procedures.
01:17:05.000Patients' bones in the arms and legs are surgically broken and increasingly separated over a period of months.
01:17:12.000The body generates new bone to fill the gap, thus making the bones longer.
01:17:49.000If your dick's the same size and everything, I would embrace being a small person.
01:17:54.000I mean, I, like, I understand the things that drive these people to do it because, and, like, for me, no matter what I do in this business, if I become a famous actor doing movies or whatever,
01:18:10.000stand-up specials, whatever, I'm still gonna walk down the street and kids are still gonna see me and go, Mommy, what's that?
01:21:18.000Yeah, it's like, sometimes people come up to me after shows, and they're like, wow, Brad, what you said on stage, I really was touched and moved by it, because I go through a lot of that, because I'm 5'4", and I'm a guy, and I'm like, do you realize what I would do to be 5'4"?
01:21:36.000What horrible things I would do behind a dumpster to be 5'4"?
01:22:33.000Like I said, I've only had like one...
01:22:36.000Surgery, and I made a good career with the hand that I was dealt, but there's a lot of little people I know that haven't, that don't, and then get constantly made fun of their entire lives or hidden away by their parents.
01:22:50.000Why would you want your kid to go through that?
01:22:53.000And as a dwarf, you know what struggles that you had growing up.
01:22:56.000Why would you intentionally put those pains on your child?
01:23:17.000Like, When I was born, he found out that I was going to be a dwarf, so he would go to these LPA, Little People of America meetings, and he would find out about it, and he was like, oh shit, my kid's going to get made fun of a lot.
01:25:15.000He's out here finding out who's naughty and nice, and he's going to go back and tell...
01:25:20.000And, like, I knew in that moment where if I get pissed off, now this kid, who doesn't know anything about dwarfism, his first interaction is going to be with someone angry.
01:25:30.000And that's going to be what he thinks all dwarves are.
01:25:33.000That's going to be his first interaction.
01:26:29.000I wasn't dressed in the outfit, like, alright, if I come to the mall and I've got pointy shoes on and pointy ears, I can't get pissed when you say, tell them what you want for Christmas.
01:27:43.000I'm hoping this ultra complainy society, ultra whiny stage we're going through is just a side effect of people learning how to use the internet.
01:27:51.000Sort of like how people didn't know how to not get crazy in the 90s, like in the internet.
01:27:58.000People didn't know how to, you know, people get upset at things and they overreact and freak out.
01:28:03.000They just didn't know how to deal with people insulting them.
01:28:07.000I'm wondering if it's because have we gotten to a point where Because I doubt that in third world countries they're having a debate of should we say bossy?
01:28:22.000Like, do you think those people who are trying to get food, who don't have clean water, who don't have vaccinations are like, okay, I know all this shit's going on, but we've got to stop saying the word bossy.
01:28:52.000The ability to tweet 15 times about X-Men shows me that you either have no fucking friends, too much free time, or your career is being a cunt online.
01:29:19.000Picketing, you have to actually do something.
01:29:20.000You have to show someone, you have to look people in the eye.
01:29:23.000If you're standing outside of an abortion clinic, or you're picketing in front of a warehouse that's non-union, you gotta make fucking contact with people.
01:29:33.000Organize, you have to be good at arts and crafts, so you have a sign that's halfway decent.
01:29:37.000All you have to do when you want online is just find other cunts, and you gravitate through forums or Twitter groups, and you just cunt it up together.
01:30:08.000I'll walk out of there going, well, I didn't like that movie.
01:30:11.000If I go eat at a restaurant that's shitty, I'm just gonna say, well, I'm not going back to that restaurant.
01:30:16.000I'm not gonna go online and start this campaign of, everyone must think like me, everyone must not go to this restaurant, everyone's gotta not see this movie.
01:30:24.000Fuck you if you like Paul Blart Mall Cop 2. Hey, if you like Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, more power to ya.
01:31:32.000I've had people get angry at me because I love KISS. Fuck off, you and the Pixies can suck it.
01:31:38.000They're such a simple band, they can't play, so they have to use pyrotechnics and facial makeup to cover the fact that they're shitty musicians.
01:31:46.000It's like, or I can listen to their music and it makes me happy.
01:32:14.000Whenever I accomplish anything halfway decent in my career, and this is absolutely true, I go into my car, I play Katy Perry's Firework, I roll down the window, and I lip sync the shit out of that song.
01:32:40.000Barry Crimmins, a hilarious comedian who, um, Bobcat Goldthwait has a documentary that he did about him, because apparently Barry was, like, molested when he was younger.
01:32:48.000He's got a documentary called Call Me Lucky, or They Call Me Lucky.
01:32:51.000It's supposed to be like really dark and really good.
01:33:35.000He was one of the, like, the main guard of, like, the established comedians in Boston, like, the established headliners, like, really, really respected guy, very original, political, very political, just very, just very wise guy, had some really good things to say.
01:33:52.000He's really good to follow on Twitter, too.
01:33:54.000His Twitter is filled with very good points, and also he'll tweet some great articles and stuff and different things.
01:34:02.000But Bobcat also started out in Boston, so Bob, he did this documentary on Barry.
01:34:08.000And I don't think it comes out for a couple months, but I think right now they're touring and doing the festival thing and trying to get it up there.
01:36:05.000I mean, he did the whole, he had the bullhorn, you know, he does like some of his songs, he sings some of it, like to change the sound of his voice, he sings into a bullhorn.
01:38:15.000It's cool when you can see someone who's really in their element, and you're like, oh yeah, you were absolutely put on this planet to be a rock star.
01:38:20.000This is what you do, and you're fantastic.
01:38:23.000Well, I would never say that, but I would say he's nailing it.
01:38:25.000He's whatever it is that takes to be a rock star.
01:39:25.000Just because I got a laugh, and it was...
01:39:28.000It was a sold-out improv, and I was just like, wow, this is...
01:39:33.000I mean, you know, the drug of stand-up, of being on stage and saying something, and then having a whole room of strangers just laugh.
01:39:42.000And that, and for me, I've always used laughter as kind of a defense mechanism, because when I meet people, I try to immediately make a dwarf joke, just so they're comfortable.
01:39:52.000Just so they go like, oh, okay, he's cool with it.
01:40:07.000Because then if I don't talk about it, then people are like on pins and needles because they don't know if they're going to offend me or if they're going to like say something that's going to set me off.
01:40:17.000So if I make that quick joke, then they're like, oh...
01:40:25.000So yeah, as soon as I went on stage the first time, I went home and I just started writing like crazy and just started writing all the stories that I've told at parties for years, just of experiences and things like that, and just started watching a ton of comedy.
01:40:38.000Someone showed me the Jerry Seinfeld documentary, Comedian, and I was like, I was in, man.
01:40:52.000I know he put Orny, like, Orny, like, they focused on, like, look, they come to you and they say, look, you're going to be in a documentary about comedy with Jerry Seinfeld.
01:41:08.000Neurotic guy who's a mess, and he's freaking out, and he's got no experience being on camera, and you just fucking shove this camera in his face.
01:41:17.000And in contrast, it makes Jerry Seinfeld look very likable.
01:41:20.000Sure, because he's polished, and he's done this for years, and now he's trying to do the new act.
01:41:26.000But then at the same time, and as comics, we know this now, yeah, Jerry Seinfeld was trying to write new material, but...
01:41:33.000And when he's going on stage like he's done this a thousand times so that scene where he's essentially trying to think of a word or bombing as some people would say he's very comfortable in that scenario because he knows what to do and he's very analytical because he's done it a million times it's not Orny to where when he goes on he's you know he's neurotic and he's learning all this stuff yeah because yeah I saw that movie I thought I I thought I knew Orny Adams and then I actually met the guy I'm like oh You're fucking cool.
01:43:27.000That was the documentary that everybody always quotes because that's the one where Mencia admits to stealing material and he does that interview where he's talking about, you know, yeah, I steal, of course I steal.
01:43:37.000You know, if I'm on stage, you better run, bitch.
01:43:40.000I think he was doing that to be funny.
01:43:42.000A lot of people thought it was sarcastic.
01:43:44.000I think he was doing it to be sarcastic.
01:43:45.000You can't do that if you actually are a thief.
01:44:03.000Yeah, kind of, because it's like, yeah, he's my friend, you know, and we're still friends, and so we still text every now and then.
01:44:10.000Hell, some of your fans will probably, like, when that thing was at its peak, there was a moment where some of your fans will probably hate me for this, but he called me up and was like, I'm quitting.
01:44:59.000And the sad part is, because I was with him on the road, I would see things happen during the day, and then him go on stage that night, do 20 minutes on what happened during the day, and have it be brilliant stuff.
01:45:13.000I'll be the first one to say he's a great comic when he's being a comedian.
01:45:39.000Some people are really talented, but...
01:45:41.000They're all they also have questionable ethics and that's that's reality and because what is most important to them is Adulation and love it's filling up that hole whatever that hole that was created We all have a hole every comic has a hole that was created by their childhood some more than others you know some some in a different way than others everybody's everybody's varies and some people That the need to kill is way more important than the need to be original and the need to be creative.
01:46:11.000And when they don't have anything to say, when they can't find something, they'll just steal.
01:46:17.000And once they steal, they steal all the time.
01:46:27.000They sit in the back room and they write things down.
01:46:29.000And he's not the only one that's ever done this.
01:46:31.000He was the only one that was ever called out for it and got busted for it publicly.
01:46:37.000And these things still happen today where, you know, behind the scenes, someone comes up to someone and says, hey, that joke, blah, blah, blah.
01:46:50.000For sure, there's going to be people that come up with similar jokes.
01:46:54.000There's always something that happens in the news, like Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift.
01:47:01.000There's going to be a bunch of people that have a joke about that.
01:47:04.000Especially with Twitter, you'll see it.
01:47:05.000Because I remember when Bruce Jenner got into that car accident and the woman died, one of the first tweets I saw was Neil Brennan saying, great, now every comic's going to say that Bruce Jenner's really becoming a woman because he can't drive.
01:48:04.000I think on the PCA, somebody said that you're not supposed to have trailers or something on that street because of that reason of stopping faster.
01:48:31.000By negligence, by pure negligence, while you're smoking a cigarette.
01:48:35.000Yeah, and I think I heard Corolla talk about this, and I thought it was really interesting.
01:48:41.000I mean, the fact that, like, I think the car he hit, and then she veered off into oncoming traffic, and the car that hit her was like a Homer.
01:49:35.000It's just, negligence like that is just so infuriating, and to have it, you know, from a person that's in the public eye, people get really angry about it, but in this case, it seems to be, like, fading.
01:49:48.000Like, no one really seems to give a shit about it, other than the people that directly knew, and they're like, there's people that are trying to sue, but they're the step Step-daughters, and apparently they didn't even have a relationship with the woman, and they're suing.
01:49:59.000Yeah, and now they're like, oh, but you took away my chance to rekindle that relationship, so I deserve a million dollars.
01:50:10.000If there's anybody that deserves, like, money from, like, a lawsuit, it's not the people suing Manny Pacquiao for five million bucks because he had a hurt shoulder.
01:50:18.000It's the people who, well, hey, Bruce Jenner killed my mom.
01:51:08.000Well, it's like, it was kind of like a few years ago, and a bunch of comics made jokes about it, but it was like when it was missing kid time.
01:51:19.000It was like, every story's going to be a new missing kid.
01:51:22.000And everyone made the joke that it was all good-looking white women.
01:52:41.000It's going to be put on by taxpayer money, you pay a little extra, you get the news.
01:52:46.000So now it's not people with the news tickers at the bottom trying to sensationalize everything.
01:52:53.000What did Hillary Clinton really mean when she said, ba-ba-ba, Republicans and Democrats and they're fighting and, like, so the newscasters don't have that to go to.
01:53:02.000And I thought that was a great little monologue that made me kind of think, like, yeah, why do we, like, why does the news have to be ratings?
01:53:11.000Because, and it's like you said, it's an entertainment show.
01:54:01.000When you're dealing with the news, if you're trying to put on an hour show, you're dealing with the events of seven billion people, and the Nepal earthquake, and the typhoon that hits the Philippines, This, and the that,
01:54:16.000and the that, and the this, and the murder, and the death, and the cop, and the shot, and the boy, and the gun, and the baby, and the window, and you can just fill that hour up with these events, because the sheer numbers, if you just looked out, if you opened up your window,
01:54:31.000and you looked out your apartment, and you saw seven billion people, you'd be like, well, of course some shit's going down.
01:54:41.000The events that you're dealing with, if you're dealing with even like one one hundredth of one percent of chaos and violence, that's pretty good when you consider what the world must have been like five, six thousand years ago.
01:54:55.000People just fucking show up and cut your village in half with swords.
01:54:59.000And then just say, alright, we own it now.
01:55:01.000Yeah, flaming arrows go flying through the air.
01:56:06.000Yeah, the local news broadcast, like, after the last story, and that 20 seconds at the end of the broadcast where they have to, like, be funny or just interact.
01:56:19.000Did you see that one where the woman was talking to a black guy?
01:56:24.000There was a woman who was a white newscaster, and she had a black guy with her, and they were talking about Lady Gaga.
01:56:29.000Lady Gaga did a performance, and she starts calling it Jigaboo music, and To a black guy!
01:56:36.000She doesn't know what Jigaboo is apparently.
01:59:29.000Like, bitch, you don't even have a trunk, you fuck.
01:59:32.000Yeah, like, could you imagine just being on the side of the street, be like, alright, call this Uber, then, like, Gene Simmons pulls up, and goes, Joe Rogan, you're a very rich and powerful man.
01:59:40.000You have to get super lucky, like, to get someone who's not totally retarded in your car, though.
02:02:56.000And Paul Haggis, the director, who got to some super high level, you get the handwritten notes from L. Ron Hubbard, he's like, what the fuck is this?
02:03:44.000How about the mother whose daughter won't talk to her anymore?
02:03:48.000The whole family grew up Scientologists, and it's really hard to watch.
02:03:53.000And then the guy who started taping the people that were out in front of his house, like the Scientologists out in front of his house, to do a smear campaign against him?
02:03:59.000I think it's really important, whenever you're talking about something like this, to look at both sides of it.
02:04:03.000And this does not look at both sides of it.
02:05:09.000Oh, this is going to be great because my dad's like a hardcore Republican.
02:05:12.000Mitt Romney's dad couldn't be president because he was born in Mexico.
02:05:17.000The reason why he was born in Mexico was because Mitt Romney's family is from an extreme sect of Mormonism that left the country when polygamy became illegal.
02:05:55.000Let's go have 15. So Mitt Romney and his family, they came from this one sect, and they're heavily armed, and they fight off the fucking Taliban, the drug cartels down there.
02:08:01.000Because everyone just does their own thing and then all the things are split amongst everyone and like, hey, you're a doctor and hey, you're a mechanic, but we're going to take care of everyone.
02:08:10.000And then you get human beings into it where it's like, okay, now the doctor who went to 12 years of med school has to be like, well, I'm being paid the same as the mechanic?
02:08:48.000That style of dictator-driven communism, where they decide what you're going to do, what your occupation's going to be, how much you can make.
02:09:28.000I wonder if there's gonna be any way that you can test for what you'd be best at, though.
02:09:32.000Like, that website 23andMe, it goes through your DNA, and it tells you, like, if you have the warrior gene, if you have, like, all these certain genes, if your kids are gonna be bald.
02:09:41.000But I wonder if there's ever gonna be that thing where they go, you're gonna be really good at math stuff, you're gonna be really good at arts.
02:09:47.000Yeah, but even if you are really good at it, like, say, like, if something comes along that says you're gonna be really good at math, but you really wanna be a musician.
02:09:55.000Like, who the fuck is to tell you that you can't be a musician?
02:10:40.000One of the most beautiful things about life is people deciding what they want to focus their energy on, and then you see the fruits of their labor.
02:10:56.000And when you've got someone telling you what you can and can't do, that just becomes all fucked up, man.
02:11:02.000Yeah, it's the reverse psychology thing, where you almost go against it, even if it makes sense, just because you're like, I don't like you telling me to do that.
02:12:17.000Because she married some fucking mechanic or something like that.
02:12:19.000She fell in love with some regular dude.
02:12:22.000The world is just filled with stories like that.
02:12:25.000Yeah, for a while, my parents told me that I could only marry a dwarf because any tall woman would only want me for either a sick fetish or for fame or for money or something like that.
02:15:57.000There's only so many things that you can cover.
02:16:01.000Right now, in the new hour that I'm trying to get together, a lot of the jokes are just like, this is what my life is.
02:16:09.000These are the stories that happen to me that are weird as fuck that your advertised person wouldn't even consider and you don't think about.
02:16:17.000And it's not necessarily like, if I fall off a curb, that's a long way, man.
02:16:23.000It's just like when a dude got, like when a, and I won't do the joke, but like a guy, I got into a car accident with a guy, and he got out, and when he saw me, he didn't give a fuck about the car accident.
02:18:26.000He was in a wheelchair, and he was heckling, and he wouldn't stop heckling, so I taught a girl who's in the front row with him how to choke him unconscious.
02:20:01.000You know you have to be ruining a show when the audience is encouraging a woman who just showed her tits to choke a man who's in a wheelchair unconscious.
02:20:54.000And, like, I've got my car, I've got my seat at the perfect spot where I can see the mirror, the steering wheel's good, I can reach everything, it's good.
02:21:01.000And then the valet gets in and they just fuck it up.
02:21:03.000So I just tell them, hey, I'll pay the valet fee, just let me park it, I'll come out, like, just do that.
02:21:09.000Are there certain cars you can use and certain cars you can't use, like certain cars you can't adjust properly?
02:21:14.000Yeah, like the car I have right now, I've got a Lexus CT, which is a little hatchback hybrid, and I didn't have to do too much to it.
02:21:21.000I got pedal extenders on that that were very small, and then the seat moves up a lot, but also their steering wheel extends out.
02:21:29.000So my arms are good because my arms are small, but yes, I was able to grab the steering wheel.
02:21:33.000I can drive that thing with not too much modification.
02:21:36.000The only thing I had to do was I also had to pop the airbag because I'm really close to the steering wheel.
02:22:31.000It's like, people don't understand that.
02:22:33.000Like, there's this thing, like, you're trying to put on a show, and when someone jumps in like that, like, that person needs to be stopped at all costs.
02:22:42.000I, like, when I get a heckler, it's why I, like, Some people say when a comic will go on stage and they get a heckler and then they get, they're like, oh, but he, this woman was heckling him and then he said that she should go get raped by a thousand dicks.
02:22:56.000It's like, he's not thinking, or she's not thinking what's politically correct at that moment.
02:23:00.000Your only thought is, shut the fuck up.