In this episode, the boys talk about Abraham Lincoln, slavery, and the Civil War. Also, we talk about the fact that we had slaves 200 years ago and we still have them today. It's crazy how fast time flies when you're not paying attention to the details of history, and how quickly it can fly by. We also talk about how much better our lives are now that we don't have to deal with the muck of slavery anymore, and why that's a good thing. We're in no way affiliated with the Confederate Flag or the Confederate cause, but we can all agree that Abraham Lincoln was a douchebag and a bad motherfucker, and that's pretty much all you need to know about him to know that. Don't miss it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and tell us what you thought of the episode and what you'd like to hear us talk about it in the comments section below. We'll be looking out for the next episode. Thank you so much for all the support we've gotten so far this year, and we'll see you next year! Peace, Love, Blessings, Eaters, Cheers, EJ & Cheers! - The Caveman Crew. -Jon & Garrett - Jon & Garrett. Mike & Garrett, Sarah, Caitlyn, Evan, Jake, and Garrett, AKA. Sarah, Evan & Dan, and Jack, and Sarah, and Mike, and Ben, and Jordan, and John, and Rachel, and Evan, and all the rest of the crew at the Caveman's House of the Cavemen Podcast. Love, Jon, and Ryan, and everyone else at The Cavemen. -- Jon & Ben, and Jake, John, & Jake, all of the boys at the Museum of American History, and a whole lot more. . -- Thank you for all your support and support us with all the love, love, support, support us all of your support, and respect, support you're so much love, and appreciation, and thanks for the support, love & support, etc, etc., etc., and support you, you're amazing, love you, and appreciate you, etc. etc., & much more!
00:01:07.000He's one of the most well-read presidents of all time.
00:01:10.000And he was a real fucking intellectual.
00:01:12.000But he made his way based on that quote.
00:01:16.000He came in and he was attacked and he was marginalized because all the guys were, you know, they were set.
00:01:22.000The politicians, they had the money and...
00:01:24.000The position, and they just kept stripping him down, and he kept moving past it, flowing past it, and then think about, what did he do with slavery?
00:04:36.000Probably great-grandparent at this point.
00:04:38.000Maybe great-grandparent at this point, right?
00:04:39.000Although black people do have kids really young.
00:04:42.000Yeah, so a good generation is so rude.
00:04:46.000Well, that would be bad for it because you really would want to have kids very late in order for the kids to stay alive long enough to be alive to remember a parent or a grandparent.
00:05:28.000I always think on podcasts when you're, like, going through, like, everything I just said about slavery, big chunk of it probably will be wrong.
00:05:37.000And, like, in a regular conversation that would just slide by.
00:05:40.000But people are gonna be listening to this that, like, are fucking historians or have Wikipedia.
00:05:46.000And they're gonna annihilate me on Twitter.
00:05:48.000Okay, so I guess there were some issues.
00:05:51.000There were some contrasting economic issues.
00:05:55.000The United States was still primarily agricultural in the years before, during, and immediately after the Civil War.
00:06:00.000About three-quarters of the population lived in rural areas, including farms and small towns.
00:06:05.000Nevertheless, the Industrial Revolution that had hit England decades before gradually established itself on the former colonies.
00:06:13.000Factories were built all over the North and South.
00:06:15.000The vast majority of the industrial manufacturing was taking place in the North.
00:06:18.000South had almost 25% of the country's free population, but only 10% of the country's capital in 1860. The North had five times the number of factories as the South and over ten times the number of factory workers.
00:06:31.000So it was really like a bunch of people that were adopting or adapting rather to this new way of living, the Industrial Revolution, engines and cities and urbanization, and then people that were really rural.
00:06:45.000And these are the people that had slaves.
00:06:48.000The vast majority of the country is really rural.
00:07:01.000Yeah, I forget the statistics on the number of slaves versus the number of white people, but it was going to get to where there was going to be a revolution anyway.
00:07:09.000Here it says, most southern white families did not own slaves.
00:07:14.000Only about 384,000 out of the 1.6 million did.
00:07:18.000Just stop and think about that for a second.
00:08:27.000And you know, they probably owned the average, probably owned at least three, which means there was a one-to-one ratio of slaves to white people.
00:11:21.000I think if things fell apart, I think if things fell apart, what I think is what we got now with electricity and air conditioning and civilization, laws and rules and a general amount of prosperity.
00:11:35.000Like as bad as the economy is, as hard as it is to get a job for a lot of folks, there's a lot going on.
00:11:42.000You might be able to find your way into this crazy mix of humanity that is, you know, an urban center in Los Angeles or Chicago or New York or whatever.
00:13:06.000I remember one time we used to drink up at the bleachers behind the high school, typical Norman Rockwell scene, and the cops used to come up, and they'd have to get out of their car and cross the football field, and then we fucking scattered into the woods by then.
00:15:55.000So not only is it funny that there's barely any on there, but that it implies that he's going to finish the pint because he doesn't need the top anymore.
00:18:52.000after The last set was 1230 that could have happened at any time between 1230 the Actual time it's scheduled to one ish depending on who shows up could be 130 I got on at 130 many times and I would get on and not get paid and just do the sets after Everybody was done and this is after you were an established headlining comedian.
00:21:09.000She would look at you and talk to you about comedy, and You know, knew what you were doing right and knew what you were doing wrong and knew where to put you.
00:21:16.000But as time went on, you know, she came around less and less.
00:21:19.000So it was harder and harder for the guys that were trying to get seen.
00:21:23.000You know, the guys who were trying to get past.
00:21:25.000Now it became someone else besides Minty that started past, you know.
00:21:28.000And that was like a hard transition period.
00:21:30.000And this would be like a 1230 on that she would be looking at people?
00:23:16.000My whole thing is, if you stopped by at 9.20, right in the tit spot of the show, and you do 45, when did it occur to you that you might stop by?
00:23:26.000Did it happen at noon, where you could have called in and accommodated people a little bit?
00:23:31.000Or did you have to just show up right before you want to go on?
00:24:02.000I think there's the one benefit in it for them is that if you become like super famous, like if you're like Louis C.K. stand-up comedy famous, and you have shows places, you're gonna get your crowd all the time.
00:24:28.000I think that's very critical for a lot of guys in the development process because that's one of the things that Steve Martin said would like killed him and made him not want to do stand-up anymore.
00:24:37.000He got so big when he was in that Let's Get Small era.
00:25:22.000And it almost hurts my feelings that, I mean, he was a great actor and he did some great movies, but it almost hurts my feelings that he didn't stick with stand-up.
00:25:32.000See, I don't think he's a great actor.
00:25:35.000And I have the utmost respect for him, and I do think he probably affected me as much as any other comic when I first started out.
00:25:42.000I saw him live and memorized all his albums.
00:25:44.000But I don't know, I always found his acting to be a little self-conscious, a little stiff.
00:25:49.000I've seen him in some really good things.
00:25:51.000I'd have to go over his IMDB to figure out what the fuck they were.
00:28:08.000He definitely has at least one of those because I know he was asking people to refer to him as Dr. Cosby.
00:28:14.000I always thought he was just fucking around though.
00:28:16.000Apparently his ego was out of control.
00:28:19.000I know this guy that used to do all of his day-to-day, like he was the assistant to the agent who had to actually deal with it.
00:28:25.000That dude had three full-time houses, one in Colorado, one in New York, one in LA. Each one had a chef And a maid and a driver, all on call.
00:28:39.000Like, literally on call, because he had his own jet, and he would do a gig in St. Louis, and none of the three houses knew which house he was going to go to that night.
00:33:22.000Yeah, I mean, it was just much less specific.
00:33:24.000I mean, I don't even know how many people they had working on those things, but how long must it have taken to make one of those cartoons back then?
00:37:06.000Super, super, super nice guy, apparently.
00:37:08.000This one dude I know, Johnny Mack, he's this real fucking gangster.
00:37:13.000He was in jail for a bunch of years, but he's a writer.
00:37:15.000He wrote on Martin and he wrote on Fresh Prince.
00:37:20.000And he said that they hired him because they wanted Fresh Prince to have a little bit more legitimacy in the black world, so they hired this fucking gangster to write on the show, Johnny Mac.
00:37:31.000And so he comes in, and I forget what happened, but Will Smith kept shitting on him, because he was the cool guy, and I think he maybe felt a little threatened by him.
00:37:41.000And he did something, and Johnny Mac just fucking picked him up, put him against the wall by his neck, and scared the shit out of him.
00:37:48.000And he never said anything to him again.
00:38:02.000He's one of these guys that, like, he's part of Jamie Foxx's crew and, like, always has on, like, $300 sneakers that he got at one of these tent, you know, where celebrities go to the tent making some free shit.
00:38:48.000At the award show itself, I think they give out baskets, but I know that Nike has a giant tent in Marina Del Rey, and it's always the day before the award show.
00:38:57.000You come in, and you walk in, and you pick out the base shoe that you want, what color stripes, what color laces.
00:39:05.000Well, Nike had a whole place that you could go to.
00:39:07.000Well, I guess it was like that, but it was free.
00:41:27.000It also kind of spun out into a whole style where guys would wear boots, like military kind of boots or construction boots that were already, you'd buy them used all beat up.
00:42:12.000But otherwise, weathered clothing that's purposefully weathered, it just feels to me like, alright, you're spoiled, you don't work with your hands, and you're trying to make up for it by wearing some work shit.
00:45:21.000And they put it together in a way that like rhymes and has this rhythm to it and then they release it and it has such an impact on the people that hear it that they just played this In this giant arena at Great Woods, I don't know what it seeded, like, more than 10,000 people,
00:45:57.000First of all, I fucking love music, and I'm so moved by certain music.
00:46:02.000Like, if I go to a Bruce Springsteen concert, and he starts singing a song that's meaningful to me, and I know that the other 50,000 people are feeling the same thing, that's an incredible feeling.
00:46:16.000Any other sort of performing art that you're witnessing, if you're witnessing someone who's really nailing it with a bunch of other people, it makes it better for some reason.
00:46:25.000If you're watching a guy play a guitar solo and he's just nailing it, and you're like, God damn!
00:46:31.000If you were there when Hendrix was at the Roxy in 1960, whatever, you would be with a bunch of people that were watching something special, and it's somehow or another better than watching it by yourself.
00:46:45.000Well, it's almost like if it's a band you really know, it's almost like I'm, like just now when I said Bruce Springsteen, I was like, I wonder if Joe likes Bruce Springsteen, because some people fucking hate him.
00:47:44.000I mean, he had a bunch of stuff that was just, you know, like Anthony Cumia would always mock it, you know, the whole garage, I'm a blue-collar guy, down-to-earth, making ends meet.
00:47:58.000Meanwhile, he's like a multi-multi-millionaire, but that was the type of shit that he sang about.
00:48:02.000But if you get past that, like, some of his stuff...
00:48:07.000Well, Dylan was, you know, he's always saying for the working man.
00:48:29.000And whereas Springsteen, I think, was more of like, you know, arena rock.
00:48:35.000He was looking for the big ballad, the big operatic song, like Rosalita or Thunder Road, that you could sing in a fucking, you know, in a giant stadium and blow the place out.
00:49:12.000Yeah, and there was this message from a lot of his songs, and that message was this confusion and angst that you're having in your youth literally might be the freest you ever are for the rest of your life.
00:49:28.000And from here on out, it's just this horrible struggle to try to stay sane and try to avoid your vices and keep your job and keep away from the heroin and the booze.
00:49:39.000Keep the romance in your relationship.
00:50:56.000Then you go back to Darkness on the Edge of Town, which was a really dark, biblical album.
00:51:01.000You know, all of Adam raised a cane and all this, like, you know...
00:51:07.000Just really about your relationship to your dad, a lot of it is, and whether or not you're going to take over your dad's life, you're going to lead your own life.
00:51:17.000The dancing in the dark held him back.
00:51:40.000Well, I think Billy Joel went through a real hard period when he started getting together with Christie Brinkley.
00:51:44.000Because a man like that is not supposed to fuck a woman like that in nature, okay?
00:51:48.000And what happens is, when you're fucking a girl who's an undeniable 10, and you're this very amazingly talented singer and piano player, but you know that in the wild that woman is not going to take you...
00:52:03.000She's gonna be with some Viking or something.
00:53:41.000Well, they say that the muscles that you develop when you play piano or guitar, like your left fingers when you play guitar, that you actually build up muscles in your brain that allow it to be stronger and it probably recovers better because of that.
00:54:02.000There was this op-ed piece in the Times where this woman was talking about she resents Caitlyn Jenner for talking about how she was always in the wrong body and that she's really a woman.
00:55:06.000That's like the big feminist issue, is that they're treated equal with intellectual capacity, but not necessarily equal in behavior standards.
00:55:15.000Yeah, I didn't say better, I said different.
00:55:18.000And that's the point of this article, is that you build up muscles as a female because you're not picked on the sports team, and then you're not paid as much, and then you have to give birth, and you have to be afraid of being raped all the time, which is something we don't even think about.
00:55:31.000And so you develop muscles in your brain that make you...
00:55:35.000Obviously not really muscles in your brain.
00:55:37.000No, I think the neurons just develop pathways that make it more effective.
00:55:42.000And men develop their brains differently.
00:55:45.000And so to say that Bruce Jenner, who had the benefit of being a lauded athlete and a multi-million dollar spokesman, whatever else he did, he got as a man.
00:55:58.000And that to now say he's a female is like, no, because you don't have all those other pathways that we built up as a woman.
00:56:08.000But if a female lived a very male style of life from the time that she was really young, if she grew up in a house with all brothers in a rural area, Where she wasn't really allowed access to express herself in,
00:56:24.000you know, your traditional female way.
00:56:26.000And she's living with these men, essentially, and boys.
00:56:32.000And she develops her own pathways in a very different way.
00:56:36.000You know, I mean, she's still a woman.
00:56:38.000Yeah, yeah, and so it's like I think like making these hardcore distinctions like I've heard people say Both sides I've heard them argue that Bruce Jenner is a hero I've heard them argue that this is a freak show and that America is in such a rush to be more and more progressive that we're ignoring the like some really key facts about him and his situation First of all that he was crazy enough to marry that woman.
00:57:12.000And two, that he wasn't paying attention recently and plowed into a woman's car with his fucking truck, sent her into traffic, and she died because of it.
00:57:21.000She was killed directly because of him hitting her and pushing her into oncoming traffic.
00:57:27.000A person is not on earth anymore because of this carelessness.
00:57:31.000And no one is talking about that at all.
00:57:33.000I mean, that's a real issue with people.
00:58:15.000Well, the other thing that he should apologize for is the fact that he put out this message, this Kardashian message to all young women to be a fucking stupid, whorish, money-driven, you know,
00:58:31.000and then dating outside the race, all the things that they're propagating.
00:59:00.000If you've got quoted like that a long time ago and you didn't have a podcast, you couldn't explain yourself in context of what exactly was going on, how you're fucking around, yeah, that shit could ruin you.
00:59:18.000I usually will, but I try to talk them out of it.
00:59:22.000But especially people that are straight actors, they get very concerned because they come out and then they realize they have a publicist and that things can be taken out of context and they all of a sudden get weird.
01:03:31.000She might be opening it for me on Saturday.
01:03:33.000The set that I saw her, I'm like, I'm trying to figure out who has more poignant points, who has more, like, big laughs, who has more energy on stage.
01:03:42.000I'm like, she's right up there with anybody I've ever seen.
01:04:59.000Yeah, and the best thing is they'll send you like 20 pages of topics that they want you to write jokes on and then comment on.
01:05:06.000So it was like the homework that I should have been doing anyway, because it was all stuff about how to deal with babysitters and shit that, you know, is my world.
01:05:16.000And so I just wrote 100 pages of jokes and did them on the show, and then I went through and picked the ones that might be good for stand-up.
01:05:23.000And I swear to God, I got 40 minutes of new material out of two seasons of this show this year.
01:07:33.000And then he starts making movies, but if you go back and you look at the stories in his stand-up, he also wrote about them in his books, and then they became plot lines in his movies.
01:07:43.000That's kind of fascinating to me to watch that progression.
01:07:47.000I love watching the progression of bits when I see a guy like you come down to the store and you have some new piece on something you're doing and then I'll see it two weeks later and it's got all this new shit on it.
01:08:01.000I'll see it a month later and it's got this rhythm to it now.
01:08:06.000That's though the weird thing about these bits that when a person finally sees it like if you do a Netflix special and they finally see this chunk that you've been working on for the past six seven months that thing sometimes is even remotely Similar to what it started out as.
01:09:23.000One of the things I started doing is right after I get off stage, I sit down with the pad and write important things that I remember about that set.
01:09:30.000Like, oh, there was a hiccup in the transition from this to that.
01:10:14.000And that's one of the things about, like...
01:10:16.000Knowing where to put a bit in your act you gotta have like I have like These areas in my act where I think of is like hills and valleys where this is like this is like slow Contemplation thinking about how weird something is and then there's the big hills like we're gonna go on a sprint We're gonna sprint and then we're gonna come back after this and you got to figure out where to put these things where they all belong and you got to move them around So fun man And that's where it's really like a jigsaw puzzle is because you're trying
01:10:46.000to take the bit, you're trying to create those hills and valleys, and then you're trying to take the material that's related and keep it all in the same area.
01:10:54.000And then you're also taking, you want to mix new stuff with old stuff.
01:10:58.000And then it's like, you know, at a certain point, you go to do a special and you're like, alright, I gotta lock down on this shit.
01:11:05.000I can't keep moving it around because then you gotta nail down the transitions.
01:14:34.000I thought it was just a couple years late.
01:14:35.000But what if you streamed it every night?
01:14:38.000What if you had like five cameras and somebody just did the cutting and there was a stream of every set that you do from five points to view?
01:15:11.000When you really stop and think about it, like, kind of everything's streaming now.
01:15:15.000You know, as long as it's on demand as well, you know, like some sort of a Netflix-type deal where it's a live stream and then it's available for download anytime you want afterwards.
01:15:45.000But at the end of the day, it kind of does distract.
01:15:49.000It's like, how many actual conversations you're having?
01:15:53.000How many sit down, let's talk about some shit.
01:15:58.000Once you start periscoping and Instagramming and selfie-ing and tweeting this and tweeting that, there's a balance.
01:16:06.000And in the lost side of that balance, it becomes a very non-intimate interaction between everyone involved.
01:16:13.000I've been around a bunch of really techie people and watched them barely communicate with words other than talking about the things they just tweeted, talking about the things that somebody else tweeted.
01:16:58.000You don't think of it as tech-related because you're talking about some real-life shit that's happening not near you, but it's going through the phone.
01:17:06.000It's like there's not as much people-to-people communication.
01:17:12.000It's like this weird interface that we're sharing.
01:17:15.000Either we do it solo or we look at each other's stuff that we do it on or...
01:17:20.000Well, when you think about language and the fact that it's a dumbed-down version of our thoughts, if you have to put your thoughts into words, you're obviously compromising the scope of your idea and the fullness of your idea because it's got to fit into these words.
01:17:36.000Then you go to this second level of digital communication where now you're seeing a dumbing down of the words because you have to limit what you're doing, where you're looking, your presence with the other person.
01:17:49.000Everything is then taken to an even simpler place than it was before.
01:19:51.000They caught the world record mako shark around this area in, I think, somewhere around, I want to say like Huntington Beach, somewhere around that area.
01:20:00.000Those bitches are going to be coming closer to our shore at the global warming.
01:21:34.000When he was a congressman, before he died in that skiing accident, he was working to desalinate that whole ocean area and try to revive the Salton Sea.
01:21:44.000Because when he was younger, that place was hopping.
01:22:04.000You have to watch it because I had no idea.
01:22:06.000I had heard about it from people, like something about Salton Sea, and I was like, I thought it was just like an area that they called the Salton Sea.
01:22:47.000And people would catch them, and they would fish for them, and now it's so bad that there are shores of the beach that is completely filled with dead, look at those dead fish, completely filled with dead fish bones.
01:24:02.000The agricultural business in California is giant.
01:24:04.000And it's just now, because of this now going on four-year drought, They get to see how much water they really require.
01:24:12.000Because before it was just sort of, they had enough water, they used a lot of water, but they had enough water.
01:24:17.000And now that they don't use any less, and there's none coming in, it's getting weirder and weirder.
01:24:24.000Well, it's all about the Colorado River and who gets dibs on it first, and it's all about who had it first.
01:24:30.000So you've got farms way up north that are at the mouth of it, and they grab all the water they want, and you can't tell them how much they can take.
01:24:37.000And so as it gets further down, and more and more people are taking more and more of the water, and also the, what do you call the water underground?
01:27:00.000Just piles of fucking salt that they pulled out.
01:27:03.000And they say the other thing that would happen is once we start doing that is, because they feed the salt back in, is that the oceans become so salinated it would kill all the fish.
01:27:11.000Well, they wouldn't be able to feed it back in anymore.
01:27:12.000They'd have to take it to Utah and dump it in the mountains.
01:29:33.000As of January 2014, it covered 230 acres and contained approximately 188 million tons of salt, with another 90 tons being added every hour around 6.5 million tons a year.
01:30:01.000It's the number of sites where a K&S chemical company dumps sodium chloride, common table salt, a byproduct of potash mining and processing.
01:30:28.000The amount of salt that goes into the region's soil and rivers is enormous.
01:30:32.000Due to the high salt levels, the surrounding soils become virtually barren and only halophyte plants can grow there.
01:30:45.000The Wera, W-E-R-R-A, river has become so salty that up to 2.5 gallons GL, whatever that means, chloride ions, which is saltier than parts of the Baltic Sea, that few freshwater organisms can survive in it.
01:32:37.000Yeah, if you want to marry me, yeah, I want you to buy a house.
01:32:41.000Oh, dude, I met this girl the other night, and we're shooting this pilot up in the Hollywood Hills, and we're at this house, and it's huge, and it's got like five units.
01:32:51.000The house has been split up into five units, and you can see the Hollywood on one side, you can see all of L.A. on the other.
01:36:57.000Like it became such a scandal and such a PR disaster, such a clusterfuck, the way the media reported, the way they didn't talk about the fact that they obviously had some weird open relationship where he was saying, hey, I don't care if you fuck them.
01:37:11.000Like everybody concentrated on don't take pictures, don't take pictures, don't take pictures.
01:37:20.000The idea that him saying that he didn't want her to take pictures, that this should be enough that you could take his team, that's insane.
01:37:27.000But, you know, it goes back to what we were talking about earlier with what we can get away with on a podcast versus what somebody else can get away with.
01:37:34.000And you think about what he said versus what we just said.
01:37:37.000My joke is more harsh than what he said, and I'm not going to lose anything.
01:37:41.000And I think the argument against him was that he was a dick.
01:37:49.000It wasn't like this, like, when the Joe Paterno thing happened and found out that he knew about Sandusky and all the child molestation, like, people were devastated.
01:37:57.000Because Joe Paterno was like this, like, really loved guy.
01:38:28.000I haven't seen him at any of the clubs.
01:38:30.000I haven't seen him on TV. I haven't read about him.
01:38:32.000That was a really tricky situation for him to try to get into stand-up because he had gone from Seinfeld to he had at least one other show that didn't work.
01:39:16.000If he just did a Laugh Factory gig, like an evening with Michael Richards, and just had Michael Richards fans show up, and he tried to work out material until he developed a set.
01:39:26.000Then they'd be in on the context of who he is.
01:39:50.000And they have real jokes, and you go up there and you want to do a bunch of pratfalls, and you don't really have anything to say, and you try to be silly.
01:39:58.000And he would like ad-lib, and he would fail miserably.
01:40:02.000And the thing is, and that wasn't new.
01:40:05.000I was at the Improv with Louis C.K. one night, and Louis's father, who he was pretty estranged from his whole life, And he was kind of like reconnecting with, and his father's from Mexico, Jewish guy.
01:40:17.000And so Louis invites him to the improv to see Louis do stand-up for the first time.
01:40:22.000So Louis's like, I've never seen Louis nervous to go on before.
01:40:26.000And before he goes on, Michael Richards goes up.
01:40:30.000And there's a couple in the front row that's Jewish.
01:40:32.000And they haven't done anything wrong, but he's doing that character.
01:40:36.000And he starts going, oh, you kikes, you heebs, you big-nosed Jew bastards, like, saying all this stuff, but in the same way that he said the black stuff.
01:40:46.000He didn't mean it, but he had no control of what he was doing as a performer, and he thought that it was all like a calculated risk and that we'd all get that this was a character bit.
01:40:58.000And Louis was so, his father was clearly like, he's fucking Jewish!
01:41:03.000And he's thinking, this is what my son does, this is like the environment my son works in.
01:42:02.000Let me say hello to my little friend, the N-word.
01:42:07.000That was a that was the first of those videos first of those really viral videos This was I was gonna point this out earlier and I didn't but I forgot When those moments when you're trying to be funny not that moment obviously because I was just That was such a poorly thought out idea didn't make any sense whatsoever.
01:42:25.000You can't just yell You can't just do that.
01:43:56.000The only way to really do that, I think, is if he had a smart agent, a smart manager, they would cultivate an act for him.
01:44:04.000Have someone work with him, get a guy like you, or a guy like Tony Hinchcliffe is great at writing bits for people, and you have a guy come with some premises for you.
01:44:16.000And sit down with you and help you work.
01:44:18.000Go to like second tier cities and do, you know, just do sets where you're not going to be.
01:44:47.000Joel McHale, who had never done stand-up, and it was like, you know, had gotten huge from that show.
01:44:52.000And then he just decided to start doing stand-up, but he'd go to a theater, and he'd play a lot of clips from the show, and he kind of did a, like you said, a one-man show kind of a thing that had stand-up in it.
01:45:02.000And then I think over time, he transitioned into it just being a full, because that dude, he could sell 2,000 seats out of the gate.
01:49:13.000And there was, you know, for whatever reason, there was not as much attention on him as some other guys that had reached that same level of proficiency.
01:49:37.000It was on, like, WB or one of those channels.
01:49:40.000And it's, you know, it's tough because the guy was like chiseled out to be a stand-up comic.
01:49:45.000He was a fucking Formula One stand-up comedian.
01:49:49.000And I don't know how, I don't remember the TV show, but something tells me that maybe he wasn't the greatest sitcom actor of all time and that he probably would have been better suited to be a late night talk show host or something like that.
01:50:00.000I think he would have been better suited as being a fucking awesome stand-up comic.
01:50:26.000And there's this thing about Like a guy with a big sitcom, whether it's Tim Allen or anyone who was like that in that era, they got a certain amount of prestige in Hollywood.
01:50:38.000And when you're on the outside your whole life, which a lot of stand-ups are, the big wish, other than just actual success, not just worrying about paying your bills, the big wish is that you get inside.
01:51:01.000And turns out, you know, one of the great all-time sitcoms with you at the helm of it, and you're the new Jackie Gleason.
01:51:09.000And you're getting out there with your wife, and you're waving to the crowd every day, and everybody loves you, and you get that fucking juicy charge.
01:51:15.000That's what they want, the inside charge.
01:51:19.000No, I remember watching, I was in Vegas and I saw him out on the strip with a camera before there were selfies, taking a selfie of himself in front of a big marquee that had his name on it, but it was like a second tier hotel.
01:51:49.000I wish I wasn't, but I still, like, if I'm not getting the money that I want or I'm not working a club that I used to or whatever, it can fucking really eat me up, you know, because it's so personal.
01:52:02.000If you're rejecting an offer for me, it's me.
01:52:06.000And things go up and things go down, but he was at a point where for the first time, this is what I understand, his date book was not filled up for the year by like February, and it always had been.
01:52:17.000And that dude was doing 50 to 100 corporate dates a year at 25 grand a pop.
01:53:02.000Yeah, they had to take him to the hospital, he died in the hospital, the whole thing.
01:53:06.000Yeah, it's beyond fucked, man, but it's so strange how, you know, a guy like Robin Williams, you know, you would look at in sort of the same way, but him even more so because he's so loved.
01:54:13.000Well, he definitely had made a lot of money.
01:54:16.000How much he kept, you know, when you're balling like that, buying this, he had like a $30 million ranch somewhere, like Northern California, some insane 60-acre fucking thing.
01:54:27.000Yeah, one of the things he was trying to get rid of before he died.
01:54:31.000Yeah, and I think there was a lot of jewelry.
01:54:34.000I remember they were talking about liquidating his estate.
01:54:36.000There was a lot of, like, I think he bought his wife a shitload of jewelry.
01:54:59.000She's good with And at some point she was getting dressed and you walked in at some point and it's stuck in your head.
01:55:09.000I also think that for a lot of comics a lot of guys who like genuinely need love and acceptance and approval for a lot of these guys that shit never turns off.
01:56:45.000I feel like my tissue, I feel things moving.
01:56:48.000I think that one of the things that pot does that is really underappreciated is it heightens sensitivity.
01:56:55.000Not just your sensitivity like physical sensitivity like sexual sensitivity.
01:56:58.000It definitely does that but also like your sensitivity to people's feelings Sensitivity to your own feelings and your sensitivity to like lifting things When you lift things and I'm not talking about getting obliterated where you forget where you put your keys Oh my god,
01:57:15.000Oh my god, I can't I remember walking in the doorman I'm talking about just a little bit high just you're a little nervous, but you know what you're doing.
01:57:23.000Yeah, you know And when you lift weights like that, I feel like I'm more in tune with all the different fibers of my muscle.
01:59:32.000It happens before you even think about it.
01:59:34.000You make that mistake and he's got it.
01:59:35.000Like, as you're making the mistake, he's like literally a half of a second behind you, every step of the way, capturing all of your mistakes, anticipating them and capturing them.
01:59:47.000And that happens in this weird flow state.
01:59:49.000And it happens better, for me at least, when I'm high.
01:59:53.000See, I guess that's the difference between boxing and jiu-jitsu.
01:59:57.000In boxing, you could last a round or two as an unequal opponent, but in jiu-jitsu, they're going to find the weakness and exploit it pretty quickly.
02:00:05.000Yeah, if you're athletic and fast, you can do surprisingly well in a boxing ring.
02:00:28.000Cocky and just super athlete, so fast.
02:00:31.000If you put that guy, give him a little bit of time to train, and you put him there with like a journeyman amateur boxer, not an amateur boxer that like wins world championships, but a guy who's had a few amateur fights under his belt, Ocho Cinco might fuck that dude up.
02:02:10.000There's some guys that you see, they fight in the UFC, and even though they're doing well, it's like you know they're headed towards a cliff.
02:02:21.000Aspect they're missing in their movement.
02:02:23.000There's a certain amount of speed They're missing certain amount of violence that they just can't they just they just can't put out They can't do it the way other guys can and there's some guys that just like Natural from the jump can do it way better than you in a lot of ways.
02:02:38.000Yeah, and those guys are always gonna be champions There's this is like this champion body and his champion mindset and they vary you know the varies by looks and some of them are Some of them actually look like chubby, but it's not about what they look.
02:02:52.000It's about what they can do with that body.
02:04:36.000He works with this guy Lou, this trainer, and Lou just pushes him through and he's just like, it's this total like CrossFit kind of thing where he's up doing crunches and then he's push-ups and fucking crazy like kettlebells and then he's just like, see ya man!
02:09:18.000They had a dummy fashioned out of sweatshirts using power tools to drill out of their cells.
02:09:24.000The Clinton Correctional Facility, the men made their getaway late Friday or early Saturday, emerging on the other side of the prison's 30-foot tall walls.
02:10:43.000Investigators think a woman who worked with Richard Matt and David Sweat at the Clinton Correctional Facility planned to pick up the convicted killers after they escaped, but changed her mind in the last minute.
02:12:44.000If you just think about running into them, I mean, if you're someone who runs into them and then you get kidnapped or you get killed because they're trying to get a car or something like that, that woman is almost directly responsible for that.
02:13:14.000Yeah, because there's a part of you that, I hate to say this, that pulls for them just because it's so fucking crazy, but then you gotta remind yourself that they're pieces of shit.
02:14:19.000I was on the second story, but over a sheer drop, and there was a ledge outside my window that was about two feet long at a 45 degree angle with old shingles on it.
02:14:30.000And I used to have to go out my window and shimmy holding the window frames of all the other windows all the way across to the side of the house where I could jump down.
02:14:40.000And I used to go out every night and I'd climb back in again off a ladder that I would kick over.
02:14:47.000And they never caught me until one night I came home and I was drunk as shit.
02:14:52.000And I remember my father threw a beating on me.
02:14:55.000So I went upstairs and I was like, fuck this!
02:14:58.000So I opened up the window and I guess I was like, you know, going loud because I was so mad.
02:15:03.000And so all of a sudden I looked down in the backyard and there's my mother and my father.
02:15:07.000My father goes, Greg, get off the roof.
02:19:48.000But the thing is, when I think about the apocalypse or some type of gas attack that hits L.A. Think of one of those?
02:19:54.000Well, because the roads are all going to be closed.
02:19:56.000And when I was a kid, we used to ride motorcycles underneath.
02:19:59.000There were power lines that ran from New York City all the way straight upstate.
02:20:04.000And at any given point, you could get underneath those power lines because they had a service road because they got to service the power lines.
02:20:11.000So there's always a dirt path, and it's the greatest for motorcycle riding.
02:20:15.000But I'm sure there's the same thing in L.A. There's got to be a way out underneath those power lines.
02:20:20.000So if the 405 is going to be shut down, 10 shut down, the only way out is going to be in a truck like that on a road like that.
02:20:28.000There's got to be ways that you could get up to San Francisco without driving a road, but I can't imagine them.
02:21:38.000I'll take the gas attack back in LA. At least there's sushi.
02:21:41.000It's hard to figure out whether you would want to die instantly in Apocalypse or whether you'd want to be the next group of survivors that eventually, five generations later, became the new civilization.
02:21:52.000Because the first couple civilizations, it's going to be fucking Genghis Khan times.
02:22:09.000You know, places right now that are really remote and fucked up.
02:22:11.000That's what the whole world would be like.
02:22:13.000Yeah, but there might be some fun to surviving and then dying, like being a part of the wave of people that are staggering around with their eyes burning, but you're one of the ones that is healthy compared to them for a while.
02:22:27.000So you kind of feel like there's this ultimate reality show happening, and you're one of the finalists.
02:27:11.000And he always had that stupid hat on, and then there was the professor, and then there was the skipper who was this slob who just stayed fat despite the fact that, you know, there's no pasta, there's no bread up there.
02:27:24.000Where's he getting all the sugar from?
02:30:56.000But if you saw what she looked like when she was in her 20s and then saw what she looked like in her 70s, that's when it hurts your feelings.
02:31:01.000That's tough on women, because with men...
02:34:33.000He was an asshole, and Larry Hagman was such a douche on that show.
02:34:37.000All you could think was like, dude, why don't you just get a nice bed and breakfast with this bitch up in Santa Barbara and go enjoy the greatest pussy of all time.
02:39:11.000They're hilarious murderers who carved into steel pipes, and how the fuck did they know where that steel pipe went to?
02:39:19.000Well, that's where there must have been people on the inside.
02:39:22.000And again, if you think being a fucking prisoner is bad, being a guard, they say, might even be worse.
02:39:28.000So now you're going to work every day, having shit thrown at you, worried about being killed, breaking up fights, total monotony, and then on top of it, so you get a chance to maybe, maybe these guys are siphoning money to you from some relatives on the outside or a gang on the outside,
02:39:44.000and all of a sudden you got an extra 20 grand because you got the schematics of the pipes.
02:39:49.000From the office when the boss wasn't looking, you're going to do it.
02:39:52.000Look at this fucking, what they were in jail for.
02:39:55.000Sweat was serving a life sentence for shooting a sheriff's deputy 15 times in 2002. Matt was in prison for the kidnapping, murder, and dismemberment of a man who had fired him from his job at a food warehouse.
02:40:36.000You're not gonna survive in Canada once it gets cold.
02:40:40.000If you escape into the border and you go deep, deep, deep into Mexico, you might conceivably reach some place where people never question who you are and you eek out some existence as a laborer or something like that.
02:41:11.000And anybody that's in the woods that lives out there, you're going to be on high guard, watching out for your supplies, maybe having a gun when you enter into your house.
02:45:57.000Well, the only reason why there's fat in those animals is because they're eating these really extremely high-calorie grains and grains that their body's not naturally designed to process.
02:48:58.000The Big Bang happened X amount of billion years ago.
02:49:00.000And they say it in a way that it's very factual and actual and it's all, you know, you're recognized and memorized that number, 13.9 billion or whatever the fuck it is.
02:49:12.000But when someone says it doesn't end, it never ends.
02:49:15.000Like, you just keep going and going and going and going and going forever.
02:49:19.000He's like, do you understand what forever?
02:49:26.000That's always my argument against, because I believe in some type of God, and that's always my argument to people that absolutely negate any type of a higher power, is infinity.
02:49:36.000You explain to me even the fucking glim hope of solving infinity to me, and I'll give up the whole concept of God.
02:49:43.000Why do they have to be mutually exclusive?
02:49:46.000Why do you have to be able to solve infinity?
02:49:50.000What is it about infinity that means to you that there's a God?
02:49:56.000Well, because it's a concept and a reality at the same time.
02:50:02.000It's like the idea that there's a physical thing that can't be quantified in any way means that there has to be some kind of a force that I wouldn't even call it a force.
02:50:15.000That there's a paradigm that's controlled and consistent.
02:50:30.000One of the things that I think about when I think about the universe and like the idea of the Big Bang, and I've read since some interesting quantum arguments, some really weird theories about the birth and death of the universe, but one of the big ones to me is like,
02:50:46.000why does it have to have a birth and a death?
02:50:48.000Why are we so convinced that the universe had to have a beginning?
02:50:55.000Like why could not it have always been there?
02:50:59.000When you're talking about something as absolutely ridiculous as infinity, why is it so ridiculous that it's been here forever?
02:51:05.000Like why does it have to have a beginning and an end?
02:51:08.000And that fucks with my own version of reality in a lot of ways because my own version of reality is Birth and death is what I'm experiencing.
02:51:32.000It's like how you'd say every script can be broken down to a beginning, middle, and an end, and many of the plot structures are similar, like that whole Joseph Campbell thing.
02:51:41.000And that whole idea of beginning and end is so rooted in our lifetime that we can't see past it.
02:51:50.000Yeah, it becomes something that we look for in other things instead of considering the possibility that there might not be a beginning or It might not actually be a beginning.
02:52:01.000It might be one of an infinite number of beginnings like there's been a lot of people that have theorized the possibility that The expansion of the universe that will reach some point and then ultimately collapse back down to that infinite point again and then start all over again.
02:52:17.000There's some resistance to that because they can kind of through some sort of radio telescope can pick up the actual emissions that they believe are the signature of the Big Bang.
02:52:30.000It's very very very very very complicated stuff.
02:52:33.000You try to summarize it as a stand-up comedian on a podcast with two dudes that may or may not have smoked weed, it gets real sketchy.
02:52:41.000But even if there was nothing until 14 billion years ago, isn't that like the ultimate fucking magic trick?
02:53:13.000From the people that tell you that there's no evidence that there's a God and that Jesus sounds like a horseshit story, you know, that was...
02:53:30.000And then when it did explode and created all this matter, it did it in a way that was all consistent with the same laws of physics and, you know, gravity, which they still can't figure out gravity, you know, how it can exist.
02:53:46.000I think it's quantum physics and gravity still have not been brought together.
02:53:53.000Again, I'm an idiot, so don't listen to me.
02:53:55.000But I think dark matter is one of the main...
02:54:00.000They think about all the matter they're aware of in the universe, and they think about the effects of gravity, and the computations don't work unless they add in this idea of dark matter.
02:54:08.000The idea of dark matter being that the universe consists of a bunch of different things, and a lot of it, the great majority of which we can't even see.
02:54:34.000I don't know what you're talking about either.
02:54:35.000But just the whole idea behind infinity and black holes and galaxies and every black hole or every galaxy has a black hole at the center of it.
02:54:46.000But there was just an article, that's what I'm trying to spew, is that I just read an article about this black matter thing and how it is all, that there is a balance to everything in the universe, which is...
02:55:45.000Yeah, there's, you know, the thing is about inheriting hundreds of millions of dollars is the fucking backstabbing that it takes, the lowering up, the energy, the negative creativity.
02:58:20.000See, I need the kind of thing where, you know, Ari Shaffir's got me convinced that if I take mushrooms in a certain way, that it can change, like...
02:59:02.000I think that's one of the reasons why I like the sensory deprivation tank so much.
02:59:06.000It's because you're forced to not bounce off of each other, but just forced to find what it is about yourself that you're trying to work on.