Joe Rogan Experience #669 - Joey Diaz **Re-Upload**
Summary
G. Gordon Liddy was a sergeant in Vietnam, and he held on to 300 kilos of pure heroin. And he took it to the US in dead bodies. This is what the episode's about. And it's a brilliant story about a man who had a lot of money to get his hands on, and was willing to do whatever it took to get it, even if it meant risking his own life to do it. And then it turns out, it wasn't just pure heroin he was smuggling, it was a bunch of other stuff too. And the CIA got to the bottom of it, and now they're trying to figure out who else might have been involved in the smuggling, and they're blaming it on a black guy from Harlem. I mean, who else but a guy named Mr. Nice? And they think he's a part of the CIA? I don't know, but I think it's pretty likely it's not the CIA. I think that's pretty crazy. And I think there are plenty of people in the CIA who are good guys who have always been good guys, and have always done the right thing for America. And that's what makes me think of them as cowboys, not jerks. And they're not just cowboys. They're cowboys who do what they're told to do by the CIA, they do it because they're good at it, too. and they don't get paid for it by other people's money. And they don t have to make money, they make the money they're making it for America, right? they make it for the country not the other way, they're a good guy, right guy, not the good guys? I think they make money by making money, not bad guys, not cuckoo . I don t give a shit , right guy ? that's not a bad guy? That's what I think of these guys? I love these guys. I m not only the money, but they make me feel like I m making money right here in America, and I m in a business that makes me feel good, right here right now, and that s a good place to be making a good day, right right here, right now. I love you guys, I m here for you, my homie thank you, thanks for listening to this, thank you guys.
Transcript
00:00:05.000
So G. Gordon Liddy, in this episode of Miami Vice, was a sergeant in Vietnam.
00:00:09.000
And right when Saigon fell, he held on to 300 kilos of pure heroin.
00:00:14.000
And he took it to the United States in dead bodies.
00:00:19.000
They bring it to Miami and he sat on it for 20 years.
00:00:23.000
Until the value went all the way up, just like an investment.
00:00:26.000
And then he let it loose, but by that time it had gotten contaminated and started killing junkies all up and down the East Coast.
00:00:34.000
So they had to go in and dig for G. Gore and Liddy, and this motherfucker shows up, right, for like this board meeting.
00:00:42.000
He shows up to this board meeting, he's like, yeah, the heroin was mine, blah, blah, blah.
00:00:45.000
He goes, I guarantee, they called him Sergeant Real Estate.
00:00:48.000
And in the episode, he goes, I guess you guys forget who the hell I am.
00:00:51.000
He turns around, he goes in his briefcase, and he throws a chain of ears on the tape when he walks out.
00:01:04.000
This is way before American Gangster was talking about it.
00:01:06.000
This was already out that they were bringing heroin and dead bodies.
00:01:12.000
The reporter takes Don Johnson to the morgue and he opens it up in Vietnam and he goes, this is your friend.
00:01:25.000
But it was really the CIA. They're blaming it all on some black guy from Harlem.
00:01:35.000
What he said was it wasn't the CIA. What it was is some people in the CIA. He said it's some cowboys in the CIA. And that's what makes the most sense to me.
00:01:44.000
Like this idea that the big organization, the CIA, would be involved in drug smuggling seems like so crazy.
00:01:57.000
Like, there's an example right now, this thing called the Silk Road.
00:02:01.000
The Silk Road was this underground drug-dealing, like, network that this guy had created.
00:02:07.000
And they were just selling mad money, mad drugs, like, underground.
00:02:17.000
What it is, is it operates, like, completely under the wire.
00:02:22.000
And these DEA guys, I think it was DEA, they infiltrated it.
00:02:27.000
One of the first things they did, they started stealing money.
00:02:33.000
And they're wondering, like, whether or not this case is even valid.
00:02:36.000
Because these guys, for sure, had access to this guy's account.
00:02:46.000
He was complicit in the drug selling, and there was also some possibility that people were murdered, although there was no body.
00:02:52.000
There's a lot of kinky shit going on with this.
00:02:54.000
And the kinkiest part is that the agents were stealing money.
00:02:58.000
Yes, they were stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars in Bitcoin.
00:03:01.000
So they realized that there was a lot of value in this.
00:03:06.000
I think the reason why you have guys like this that are showing up in the Silk Road case, there's always been cowboys.
00:03:13.000
There's been guys who are in the CIA that really did it for America.
00:03:25.000
I mean, he really does seem like he loves America.
00:03:32.000
They get in those positions and they get a group of them together, just like they did with Rampart, those fucking bad cops.
00:03:37.000
They get a group of them together and go, look.
00:03:42.000
They get to go, look, all these guys are making money, right?
00:04:03.000
Well, when I said CIA, I shouldn't have said that.
00:04:06.000
There was factions, like a brown bag, like a black bag faction that went in after the Marines would go in and they'd shoot everybody and throw cards.
00:04:20.000
From wherever the fuck that is considered, all the way to the United States, through three or two different airports, and people have to unload them, and you have, you know, whatever people walking through your plane when they first come in, you know, to inspect them.
00:04:39.000
This isn't me and you getting a boat and going to Columbia and paying some guy with me and Red Band and we just shoot across with police scanners and try our best.
00:04:49.000
To infiltrate, to bring in that amount of heroin, you have to spend a lot of dough.
00:04:58.000
That's where you set the wholesale and the retail prices.
00:05:01.000
You know, years ago, 20 years ago, they would smuggle it 60 miles in, 70, 45, 50 miles in from the United States around Miami, and they would dump it overboard with weights.
00:05:12.000
And 12 hours later, the boom would explode, and the bales would rise up, and you'd come by, a fisherman would come by and put the bales in.
00:05:20.000
Meanwhile, the DEA was looking for that boat that was speeding across on their radar.
00:05:26.000
But they would throw, you know, that takes expensive equipment to devise, something to throw you, you know, 50 pounds of cocaine 100 feet under the water and then 12 hours later, everything blows and your coke rises to the top.
00:05:48.000
You know, after a while, to beat the federal government, you gotta, you gotta, and it doesn't, listen man, what the budget is for fighting drugs, and what a drug dealer spends a month, I'm talking about a guy that's bringing in a thousand kilos a month of powder, whether it be heroin or fucking cocaine.
00:06:12.000
I remember being a little boy in New York and going to visit my godmother or my mother's friends and seeing people everywhere nodding.
00:06:20.000
Early New York to me was a fucking, this shit, what's the show now where people are dead walking around Atlanta?
00:06:32.000
Where they used to have, in Harlem, Spanish Harlem, Black Harlem.
00:06:37.000
You know, they had people nodding at the lights.
00:06:39.000
People waiting across the street and they'd nod at the fucking lights.
00:06:42.000
You know what they don't have, though, in New York that they have here in LA? See, in New York, all these cities have buildings.
00:06:47.000
There's, like, these streets where these people are.
00:06:51.000
It's like, these are places where other folks go.
00:07:04.000
LA has these blocks that are just homeless people.
00:07:07.000
And when I mean just homeless people, I'm talking...
00:07:13.000
Like, there literally might be a thousand people on this block.
00:07:19.000
You make a wrong turn and you get right in the middle of it.
00:07:29.000
It actually says, if you go on Google Map and type Skid Row Los Angeles, it actually says Skid Row.
00:07:43.000
But we used to work, when we did Fear Factor, we used to work in these buildings.
00:07:47.000
And these buildings were a lot of them abandoned textile buildings or they were renting them out.
00:07:57.000
We had to go through the American Apparel factory to get to the roof.
00:08:02.000
They do make them in downtown LA. It's like one of the things they pride themselves in.
00:08:19.000
We would go to the top of these buildings, and you could literally...
00:08:23.000
There was areas where you could see them leaking out into the rest of the streets.
00:08:27.000
And if you drove down there, if you drove down the street...
00:08:30.000
You would see hundreds, hundreds of homeless people just swarming the streets.
00:08:35.000
And there's these areas where they have like...
00:08:41.000
They have these areas where they have, like, they give them food, or they have, you know, areas where they can get medical assistance, stuff like that, and those areas are particularly dense.
00:08:50.000
Now, when I shot NYPD Blue, I shot at a downtown location, that's a pool hall, kind of, sort of, and they had tons of homeless people, and while I was standing there, I heard people going in, talking about how they had day rentals, The government would pay for 15 days and they'd be out in the street for 15 days.
00:09:26.000
There's homeless people in every city, and it's out of proportion in some cities more than others.
00:09:33.000
Skid Row is an area of downtown LA. The population of the district was 17,740.
00:09:44.000
Defined in a decision by Jones versus City of Los Angeles is the area east of Main Street, south of 3rd Street, and west of Alameda Street.
00:10:07.000
Kevin Hart sold out Madison Square Garden three fucking shows in a row.
00:10:16.000
Kevin, no one's ever been as big as Kevin Hart.
00:10:22.000
I think there's a couple guys that got up to that edge, but I think he's taken it to a totally different stratosphere.
00:10:31.000
But Kevin Hart is, like, routinely doing these crazy arena shows.
00:10:34.000
He's doing 40,000-plus people, or he's sold 40,000-plus tickets already for a show in Philly where he's filming a special.
00:10:42.000
Dude, it's just total next-level positive energy shit.
00:10:46.000
And if you go to that kid's Instagram page, his Instagram is all about, like, positive, like, energy, like, going to work.
00:11:12.000
You would suck being in those concerts, though, and being like, the back?
00:11:20.000
And the way they acoustically set up these things, it used to be a problem.
00:11:24.000
Like, I told you that I used to work at Great Woods.
00:11:29.000
Because it was during a Bill Cosby show that there was an issue.
00:11:33.000
Bill Cosby and there was a Roddy Dangerfield show, the same issue.
00:11:39.000
And the issue was, the way Great Woods is set up, it's an amphitheater.
00:11:43.000
So you're indoors and part of it, and part of it is outdoors.
00:11:46.000
The back of it leads out to this lawn area, or at least it did when I worked there.
00:11:51.000
And so you could hear if you were under the canopy.
00:11:54.000
There was like an acoustic canopy above all the seats in the front.
00:12:13.000
There was a Jethro Tull concert and there was a fucking mad riot because people started lighting fires up in the hood, up in the grass area.
00:12:22.000
They were just lighting fires and there was not enough of us.
00:12:25.000
To sort of like control it all because it was getting really fucking crazy.
00:12:29.000
So I put my security jacket, I put a hoodie on over my security jacket, zipped it up, threw the hoodie over my head and said, fuck this job.
00:12:38.000
I was like, you can't pay me nine bucks an hour to get killed because this is fucking madness.
00:12:44.000
My friend Larry, who's like one of the nicest guys in the world, punched some guy.
00:12:49.000
If Larry's hitting people, Larry's like the sweetest of sweethearts.
00:12:53.000
And I'm like, if this guy's hitting people, I am gone.
00:12:58.000
I got pissed off at the Ghetto Hotel concert, too, because he breaks out the flute.
00:13:03.000
Once he breaks out the flute, you're like, what the fuck is this?
00:13:07.000
People from the East Coast, we don't like flutes.
00:13:10.000
My point was, in the back area, the green grass area, You couldn't hear the words.
00:13:21.000
They go, I don't know what the fuck he's saying.
00:13:25.000
We were just, Jamie and I were talking about Red Rocks.
00:13:33.000
You're like, gee, and I went like in 80-something, and then I went like in 90-something, and it was like being indoors.
00:13:41.000
And Fiddler's Green, which is a little smaller, I think, on the other side of Denver, they had an issue there, but now, even the Hollywood Bowl.
00:14:06.000
He was doing like a movie night where he would like host and do some comedy.
00:14:23.000
I finally got my money for concert number three or whatever.
00:14:30.000
One was in a small theater and one was in this big theater.
00:14:33.000
He was doing the show in the small theater and they go, would you like to do a show in the big theater?
00:14:45.000
It wasn't like a guest set or anything like that.
00:14:51.000
You don't want to go up first in front of fucking 15,000 people.
00:14:56.000
Brody had to go up there and do the hardest spot of the night.
00:15:00.000
The hardest spot of the night is like following someone who crushes.
00:15:02.000
Like if you're going on after Diaz, that's the hardest spot of the night.
00:15:05.000
But the second hardest part of the night is the first guy.
00:15:09.000
The first guy, his first couple minutes is kind of like a throwaway.
00:15:12.000
You got to kind of get everybody loose, get everybody feeling good, and then boom, hit them.
00:15:17.000
And the material has got to have very few bumps in it because you're trying to hypnotize these fuckers.
00:15:21.000
So like the early material has got to be like real smooth.
00:15:34.000
But if you go out there just smooth style and just walk right into it and really know what the fuck you're doing to get things started, you forget about that.
00:15:44.000
I opened for Callan when he was doing his DVD, and I just opened.
00:15:48.000
It was the first time I had done that in forever.
00:15:59.000
And then you start to fucking crank it up and make them keep up.
00:16:05.000
You got to slow them down, suck them in, and then the other night I did the storyteller show.
00:16:19.000
He walked the suicide bridge, he ate his sundae, he took his glasses off, he put them down, and he jumped.
00:16:29.000
Every time you saw him, he was quoting albums and shit.
00:16:34.000
So you know he was disturbed somewhere along the line.
00:16:38.000
Like, even today, when I go home and I go, what happened to Steve Banchin?
00:16:53.000
Because it was more like back then, like, ah, fucking, you're an idiot.
00:17:11.000
You're floating around with other people carrying a rope.
00:17:13.000
We never heard about mental illness when I was a kid.
00:17:16.000
We heard about completely crazy people that were locked in an asylum.
00:17:19.000
But the idea of your aunt taking pills because she's bipolar, what are you talking about?
00:17:28.000
You know, it's like, oh yeah, we used to take volume and...
00:17:32.000
I think you just get used to people being fucking crazy.
00:17:34.000
You know, you didn't feel like you had to medicate them.
00:17:36.000
You know, I think people were way more crazy in the 60s and 70s.
00:17:39.000
I had dude Johnny Reed that tried to kill himself, but he jumped off a building and he landed in a dumpster.
00:18:08.000
And he'd give his check from the government on the first to the bartender.
00:18:11.000
And he'd torment the bartender until that check was done.
00:18:15.000
And they would last until about the 18th and 19th.
00:18:18.000
When I was a kid, I used to torment Johnny Reed.
00:18:20.000
You know, on the East Coast, you'd lock the bathrooms from the outside.
00:18:26.000
You lock the bathrooms from the outside on the East Coast.
00:18:29.000
When you leave a bar at night when they close up, they lock the bathroom and then they put like a lock ball.
00:18:37.000
He would go in the bathroom, Johnny Reed, like 11 o'clock in the morning to pee and we'd lock him in there.
00:18:41.000
We'd leave him in there until like 6 o'clock at night.
00:18:45.000
We'd open the bathroom and he'd come out like nothing.
00:18:51.000
I mean, one day I put my dick on a chair next to him.
00:18:57.000
My friend was like, put your dick on the chair.
00:19:06.000
We used to give him bumps of coke and get him riled up at the bar.
00:19:14.000
Did you ever have a girl you dated to kill herself?
00:19:25.000
You should kill yourself the first time and when you get to your destination.
00:19:44.000
Well, what I was going to bring in, it was like one girl that I knew.
00:19:55.000
Then I hung out with her again when we were like adults.
00:19:58.000
You know, we'd talk on the phone every now and again.
00:20:13.000
When you hear about shit like that, it's like, ooh, that's so depressing.
00:20:17.000
You know, it's so depressing when someone just can't keep a hold on it or just gets caught up in a spell and then their life just slips away.
00:20:31.000
I have a real problem with those goddamn pills.
00:20:48.000
Melt into your pillow and float away in a cloud of love.
00:20:52.000
And oh, you're going to have to get off that if you want your life.
00:20:56.000
And you give these people these pills and you tell them, hey man, you got a few weeks off of work.
00:21:02.000
And you'll start popping these fuckers watching TV and next thing you know, do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do.
00:21:16.000
Brendan Schaub is a big giant gorilla, UFC fighter, pretty straight edge dude, pretty clean cut dude.
00:21:25.000
Four months in, he's taking these fucking pills and his friends have to tell him, like, dude, you gotta stop.
00:21:44.000
Weird, because then she can't sleep at night, so it's her all pillied up, just talking, like, online and, like, on Periscope and shit, and you're just like, what the fuck?
00:21:56.000
It's weird watching strangers on Periscope also, just, you know, late night.
00:22:00.000
How long before somebody kills himself on Periscope?
00:22:05.000
I had a girlfriend in the eighth grade I really dug.
00:22:16.000
You know, we'd hold hands and eat a slice of pizza after a basketball game.
00:22:22.000
And one day we were talking about dry humping or whatever the fuck we were going to do.
00:22:27.000
I was dating for like maybe two or three months.
00:22:30.000
Just on the weekends, you know, I'd walk down to Union City.
00:22:33.000
And one day I asked, I said, what time do your parents get home?
00:22:42.000
And I was like 12 or 13 showing my head almost exploded.
00:22:45.000
I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:22:53.000
And I was like, I couldn't even make out with her after that.
00:22:57.000
I just remember going home and going, I can't see this girl no more.
00:23:07.000
It was too mind-boggling, like not having a mom.
00:23:12.000
So I called her up one day, and I stopped dating her, and I started dating this other Irish chick, and I never thought about her again.
00:23:23.000
And I was like, that's the first person I thought of was this poor girl.
00:23:29.000
I never, I could never imagine that pain when I was dating her, when she told me that.
00:23:43.000
One of the girls I dated early on died about two years ago.
00:23:50.000
She was fucking crazy and she ended up dying from...
00:23:55.000
Joe, we started off with guns and then we went to death.
00:23:57.000
He's the one that asked me if one of my girlfriends killed themselves.
00:24:03.000
It's weird when people that you really care about aren't there anymore.
00:24:18.000
My friend Johnny, who was my best friend, For a long time.
00:24:27.000
I couldn't wait to see him every time I go to the East Coast.
00:24:29.000
We'd hang out, flew him up here, and when I flew him up here, he was detoxing.
00:24:36.000
He was into oxys, and he was into heroin, like strong shit, you know, like strong opiates towards the end.
00:24:45.000
And it took a few days for him to get off of it, and then we could go around and hang out.
00:24:50.000
He was just at my house, just sweating for like four or five days.
00:24:56.000
And when he died, man, I remember thinking, like, I can't believe I'll never talk to that dude again.
00:25:09.000
One of the things about Johnny is he had this real clear view of what the fuck is going on.
00:25:17.000
His life might have been chaotic as far as drugs, but he knew exactly what everybody was up to.
00:25:29.000
And you can see, like, he's, like, looking around shit.
00:25:32.000
When I met you, that was the first thing that I noticed.
00:25:35.000
When I met you, it's like, there was all these people that were scared of you.
00:25:41.000
There was all these people that were, like, nervous around you.
00:25:43.000
You know, they thought, like, Joey Diaz is a bad guy.
00:25:46.000
This was, like, late 90s or whatever it was when we first met.
00:25:49.000
And I was like, you're out of your fucking mind.
00:25:57.000
And the only two, you and him are the only two like real original humans I've ever met.
00:26:02.000
Where I can't, I don't know anybody else like you.
00:26:10.000
It was one of the first things that I really liked about you.
00:26:13.000
Because we met like, what was it, like 95 or some shit?
00:26:21.000
So it was only, so I would have spent two years into news radio.
00:26:35.000
Friends like that are so important in your life.
00:26:37.000
You need people to clear you up from time to time.
00:26:42.000
I got four or five different guys that whenever I talk to, I talk to them and everything gets nice and smoothed out.
00:26:52.000
And right now, it's really weird because now I have two friends I haven't spoken to in 20 years.
00:26:57.000
When I went on the LAM to Sarasota, that kid hit me up on an email and he goes, I need to talk to you.
00:27:03.000
And him and I, when I went back to New Jersey, he was one of those kids, he was in Sarasota.
00:27:06.000
You know what there is to do in Sarasota in 1982?
00:27:13.000
The thing about him is he was shooting fucking Decker in his biceps.
00:27:17.000
I mean, seriously, he was shooting them in his shoulder caps, in his traps.
00:27:25.000
And he was eating, he was eating, what's the German?
00:27:29.000
Five milligram, the shit that just puts, not testosterone, not decadarablin, but he was eating that gorilla shit.
00:27:36.000
We're guaranteed to gain, not decadarablin, D-ball!
00:27:57.000
He was eating a double prescription bottle and then blasting off the fucking shit in his forearm.
00:28:18.000
I think about you every day because I can't imagine how you were handling this shit at 16. Then my other buddy died.
00:28:27.000
And he keeps calling me every morning going, Doug, I don't know how the fuck you did it at 16. I got the most respect for you in the world.
00:28:40.000
I'd miss Rago, like that crazy dude, the bodybuilder that was fucking, you know, we would take him to bars and we'd say, Rago, get on top of the fucking stage and pose.
00:28:52.000
And I'd take him to the UFC bar and go, get up there.
00:28:55.000
This is the guy that you told me that was doing a line while his mother shot steroids.
00:29:00.000
He's doing a line in front of his mother while he was on the phone or his mother shot steroids in his ass.
00:29:06.000
While he was doing a line and he's talking on the phone at the same time.
00:29:10.000
Come on, tell me that wouldn't be like one of the most hilarious scenes in a movie ever.
00:29:14.000
He comes to my shows, Danny B. He still comes to my shows.
00:29:20.000
He just put a picture of him on Twitter, dressed in fucking full army regalia with like fucking five generals behind him.
00:29:28.000
Him 19 years old, he was the soldier of the year in the army.
00:29:32.000
That's why he was doing this, this, and this at the same time, because he could do that.
00:29:41.000
They were doing exercises in fucking Beirut, and four guys were in a rap, and the rap tipped over, and he saved all four of them.
00:29:48.000
So they made him the soldier of the fucking year.
00:29:50.000
Two years later, they discharged him, and he was selling blow on the fucking street.
00:29:57.000
They dishonably discharged him for running a gambling operation in the fucking North Carolina, wherever they were stationed.
00:30:06.000
This other kid that I showed you, the crazy one that he won like Mr. New Jersey, Darren.
00:30:27.000
By March of 82, he was already coming to my house.
00:30:37.000
Like, that's the first person who ever, ever sat me down.
00:30:47.000
And he took off his shirt and he started doing push-ups.
00:30:50.000
Like, somebody just starts doing 50 push-ups in front of him.
00:30:56.000
And he goes, I go to this person's house and they were gay in 82. These two guys were gay, but he grew up with them, and he remained friends with them.
00:31:09.000
So they were sharing vitamin B shots, and they were sharing Decker.
00:31:15.000
No good ever comes out of we were sharing a needle.
00:31:23.000
That's like, you know, listen, man, when you're of that level of a guy in that type of gym situation, think about it.
00:31:32.000
But there are guys that, you know how people smoke a joint?
00:31:35.000
In Rocky the other day, I'm watching the beginning of Rocky.
00:31:37.000
He goes to the corner, there's 18 guys sharing a wine bottle, and he takes the wine bottle and he takes a sip of it.
00:31:42.000
I'm thinking to myself, that's fucking the flu.
00:31:45.000
But in those days, you had to do that to be part of a guy.
00:32:07.000
We're living in Skid Row with thieves, you and me.
00:32:10.000
Everything we fucking take, we split down the middle.
00:32:12.000
What do you think is going to happen after a year?
00:32:18.000
Remember those fucking Clint Eastwood movies where the Indians, they'd cut their hands, they'd cut their hands, they'd put the blood together?
00:32:28.000
Me and you, we're not in that world, and Red Band, we're like, ew.
00:32:32.000
You know, but to some guy, look at my bicep, dude.
00:32:36.000
What's that guy that said, what's my favorite impersonation you do?
00:32:40.000
The guy in Boston, he'd give you night-night time with the jab.
00:32:52.000
I knew the dude in high school that was doing steroids.
00:32:58.000
He came from another school when we were like, I think I was a, I guess I was like a freshman.
00:33:08.000
And he was giant with these crazy stretch marks.
00:33:12.000
We're talking about a 16 year old kid, 17 year old kid.
00:33:17.000
Massive stretch marks all over his chest with these watermelon tits.
00:33:27.000
I mean, literally, the guy would walk his arms like, you know, guys fake that.
00:33:50.000
If you looked at him, you wanted to be real nice to him.
00:33:55.000
It was like being around a crazy, frothing-at-the-mouth gorilla.
00:34:03.000
I was 21, so he was probably 22, and he weighed 160 pounds.
00:34:12.000
He just got off of it, and his body became like a normal-sized body.
00:34:15.000
So do you lose all your fluid, or do you lose your muscle or something?
00:34:34.000
He had just taken this thing and changed the amount of muscle that his body would carry around.
00:34:41.000
I didn't know what the fuck he was doing until after I was out of high school.
00:34:52.000
And in Taekwondo, we didn't do any weightlifting.
00:34:55.000
We did some calisthenics, but there was no weightlifting at all.
00:34:59.000
So I had no idea what the fuck was going on with this dude's body.
00:35:02.000
But seeing him When I was 21 and seeing him just like this deflated person, I was like, this is the weirdest shit I've ever seen in my life.
00:35:11.000
But back then, no one knew what the fuck it was.
00:35:14.000
We're talking about like 1988 when I was 21. I didn't know what that meant.
00:35:22.000
Like, I didn't know anybody that was a bodybuilder or anything.
00:35:27.000
And then as I got older and started talking to people, especially when I was working at...
00:35:33.000
I was working at a Gold's Gym or Nautilus Plus.
00:35:39.000
And I knew this dude in there who was a bodybuilder.
00:35:53.000
He was the first guy I ever met that was like super open about it.
00:35:56.000
He had these like, he would wear like those Daisy Duke shorts.
00:35:58.000
Back then bodybuilders would wear those Daisy Duke shorts.
00:36:01.000
And this kid had these fucking giant tanned legs.
00:36:15.000
Do you think there is certain clothes like that that will never come back?
00:36:20.000
They tried, but people realized it's stupid looking.
00:36:29.000
If you want to have those long collars that they had in the 60s, you know, like those crazy jackets that you see Jefferson Starship in.
00:36:46.000
But you get to like flip flops and bell bottoms.
00:36:58.000
That people that juice for, what do you call it, aesthetics?
00:37:09.000
Because, and I was around it, and I grew up around it, it becomes, instead of snorting coke or drinking, they go to steroids like that.
00:37:18.000
And there's one scene in the wrestling, and he goes to cop.
00:37:25.000
You know, he's comping fucking shit that they gave Nazis.
00:37:35.000
And he goes, 500. He goes, yo, you give me the rest of it.
00:37:39.000
If you know that world, you know that for him, that's a six-week supply.
00:37:45.000
Then when he has his heart attack in the movie, the doctor tells him, he goes, bro, what the fuck you putting in your body?
00:37:54.000
It's a slow bet because it becomes an addiction.
00:37:58.000
I saw it go from once every six weeks to four cycles a year to, fuck it, I ain't getting off it, to fuck it.
00:38:09.000
You know, you're taking fucking four things and you're not competing.
00:38:21.000
You see those guys a year later, they have a heart attack, they get deflated, something happens, and they go to prison, and then they can't do it, and they come out, and you ask them with their tattoos all fucked up now.
00:38:35.000
Yes, it always, and people, you know, I watched that documentary, and we contacted each other by talking, the steroid one that doesn't harm you.
00:38:47.000
But I also believe that I saw, you know, you look at these guys down at the Jersey Shore.
00:39:10.000
And they blow up for the summer, and then they like it.
00:39:14.000
My friends, I remember the Chaddock driving back from the shore on Sundays, how they couldn't wait to get home because it was their second rest day.
00:39:24.000
I'm thinking of going home, taking a shower, and going out because I'm huge.
00:39:35.000
On your second off day, Sunday, you're the biggest.
00:39:38.000
So these guys on the way home, it's my off day.
00:40:00.000
You could have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner.
00:40:02.000
Or you could be that motherfucker that just gets hammered all day, every day.
00:40:19.000
You know, we can do whatever the fuck you want.
00:40:25.000
It's also people that I think that do cocaine, right?
00:40:28.000
That have an addiction to cocaine drink all day because they can even their self out.
00:40:34.000
Some people that do, you know, I've never done it, but people that have done like a lot of it will tell you that they always want to have something to calm them down afterwards, take the edge off of it.
00:40:49.000
It would fuck my whole day up if I even did a line.
00:40:51.000
See, I wanted to have the coke ready at 8 o'clock.
00:40:57.000
I'd have the 60 bucks early in the daytime, and I'd shoot over and get a bucket.
00:41:02.000
I'd go over there and take the 60, and then I'd have to hide it in my jacket.
00:41:06.000
I'd have to sit there for four hours with just coke in my jacket, calling me in the afternoon.
00:41:10.000
So I would do a little bump and then get paranoid and jerk off, and it would fuck up my timing at night.
00:41:19.000
So if you did coke during the day, it would fuck up your set?
00:41:23.000
The rest of my day, my timing, because my soul wasn't intact with my central nervous system.
00:41:36.000
It always made me laugh when people go, oh, you're funny because you do coke and go on stage.
00:41:48.000
That's why I went in my fucking room and hid and fucking turned the phone off.
00:41:53.000
So I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
00:42:09.000
And in 92, I got on stage with the guys from Denver at the St. Paddy Show.
00:42:15.000
And right there was the first time I discovered cocaine on the stage at the Boulder Broker.
00:42:20.000
I did two bumps and tried to go on stage and be cute.
00:42:35.000
I think a lot of people do coke and go on stage.
00:42:37.000
And in Miami, I would do the first two shows sober.
00:42:59.000
The people who were coked up knew and they loved it.
00:43:09.000
I could get stoned as a motherfucker and go on stage.
00:43:17.000
You heard Friday night how I fucking almost had a nervous breakdown at the comedy store.
00:43:23.000
Remember when you and your wife were asking me questions and I was fidgety?
00:43:34.000
You know, sometimes you get in a transition period, and you got all these bits that aren't ready, and you bring them up, and it's like you got three of them.
00:43:40.000
So you bomb for two weeks, but all of a sudden, one night, they all come together.
00:43:50.000
I had good sets in Boston, but anything I tried out of the ordinary in Boston wasn't clicking for me.
00:44:00.000
I went to the comedy store Thursday, opened up with that suicide joke.
00:44:07.000
And then the second time, I told the story about my friend who tried to commit suicide.
00:44:13.000
And she went up to the comedy store and she bought a gram of Coke from Chewy.
00:44:16.000
And as we were doing it, I said, you know, how did you get out of the crazy house?
00:44:20.000
Didn't you try to kill yourself three days ago?
00:44:30.000
I told that story, and that one got some laughs.
00:44:33.000
And then I went in the main room, and I just died.
00:44:45.000
So Friday, I went to the store, and I swear to God, guys, I didn't eat nothing all day.
00:44:51.000
I went to the Y. I did chest and the other thing.
00:44:55.000
Before I left the house, there was a little brownie.
00:45:21.000
70 milligrams for Uncle Joey is like an aperitif.
00:45:25.000
But explain to the rest of the world, 70 milligrams will put you into a fucking hole.
00:45:42.000
Did you hear that Alice in Chainsaw down in a hole?
00:45:56.000
And you know, usually when you eat, you tame that animal.
00:46:08.000
At one point, I had the cheese doodles that belongs to the baby pirate's booty.
00:46:18.000
I was just stuffing Pirate's Booty in my face and a pear.
00:46:25.000
I kept eating peaches in Pirate's Booty, pears in Pirate's Booty, cantaloupe in Pirate's Booty.
00:46:31.000
I must've ate the whole, even my wife was like, because I had my back turned to them so they couldn't see me.
00:46:39.000
My wife's like, what the fuck are you doing in here?
00:46:54.000
So you woke up at 4 in the morning and didn't know where you were?
00:47:11.000
And I kept calling Lee and saying, Lee, if the cops call you, don't answer the phone.
00:47:16.000
I go, I don't know, but don't answer the phone.
00:47:20.000
And you just had it happen to you again, though.
00:47:29.000
So I eat the 70 milligrams, I go down Laurel Canyon, I hook the right...
00:47:38.000
I don't even go upstairs because I know the room is packed.
00:47:53.000
I'm thinking about more material I'm going to say, how I bombed.
00:47:59.000
I'm like, I really don't want to go on stage now.
00:48:03.000
Jeff comes over to me and he goes, Joey, go on stage.
00:48:34.000
Megan Mo It's like, oh my god, I'm getting an anxiety attack.
00:48:44.000
And all of a sudden, I'm standing there, and it's getting worse, guys.
00:48:48.000
Now, there's one seat open at the whole comedy store, and it's Mitzi's chair.
00:49:01.000
I turn around, I look down to where the payphone used to be, and now I'm getting the anxiety I get when I'm getting a needle, which means I'm going down.
00:49:16.000
But I know if I go down those stairs, if she calls my name and I come back up those stairs, I'm really gonna have an anxiety attack.
00:49:22.000
So I go to the corner and I just start looking at the wall and I start breathing through my nose.
00:49:26.000
And some guy comes up to me and he's like, hey Joey, how you doing, man?
00:49:33.000
Then some other guy pops out and he's like, hey Joey, I'm friends and such.
00:49:43.000
Jeff comes up to me, and I go, Jeff, hold on one second, Jeff.
00:49:55.000
He's like, do you know if Paulie's going to go up on stage?
00:50:04.000
And all of a sudden, he goes, well, let me go ask him.
00:50:07.000
I'm about to fucking faint, and now you're gonna do this to me?
00:50:09.000
So he walks over to Paulie, and he starts asking Paulie, and Paulie's like...
00:50:13.000
And now they're getting into, like, a conversation about it.
00:50:15.000
Instead of Paulie going, oh, he's got an anxiety attack.
00:50:31.000
You go, okay, Joey, and I'll worry about you later.
00:50:35.000
No, these guys are having a conversation, bureaucracy.
00:50:38.000
I got so fucking angry that I go, fuck you guys.
00:50:41.000
And I went up there, Joe Rogan, and I had to set up my life off of fear.
00:50:46.000
I think I caught myself at the 14-minute mark, and I was like, oh my, I just yelled.
00:51:02.000
And I remember walking out of there, man, I got in that car and Paulie goes, man, you should have anxiety attacks more often than you.
00:51:12.000
I like how you have Mitzi's voice when you do the impression of Paulie.
00:51:20.000
That's the same voice you do when you do Mitzi.
00:51:27.000
Where you were either too stoned or you just didn't feel good and you're about to go on stage and you almost don't think you could have done it?
00:51:38.000
But I won't take that kind of edible before I go on stage.
00:51:41.000
I've fucked up and gotten too high before I went on stage, but never so high where I'm like, I can't do this.
00:51:50.000
But I've been higher, and that hasn't happened to me.
00:51:53.000
Sometimes it just catches you in the right time, especially if you have a rough set.
00:51:57.000
If you had a rough set the night before, if you're working on some new stuff and it doesn't go over right and you can't recover, I mean, we've all been there.
00:52:03.000
If you haven't been there, it's just because you haven't taken enough chances.
00:52:11.000
But it's like those moments after that are shaky.
00:52:14.000
Like, you know, it's a shaky one or two days, you know, sometimes.
00:52:18.000
Like, sometimes it makes sense and there's a reason and you can just get right back into it.
00:52:22.000
But sometimes there's like a little shaky period.
00:52:24.000
So the shaky period, that 70 milligrams was enough to whack you.
00:52:28.000
No, I did one 70. The other 70 was from a couple nights earlier.
00:52:32.000
Just for the fucking general public, 70 will fucking send you down a tornado of despair to the bottom pits of your soul.
00:52:44.000
I don't fuck around, man, with anything more than like 30. Do you think that even matters what it is, though, really?
00:52:51.000
Do you think it's that accurate where 70 is even ballpark 70?
00:52:56.000
Or maybe he just got something that had 600 in because it was like the bottom of the barrel.
00:53:02.000
You know that bit I do about it, about the guys who make that stuff.
00:53:09.000
They're doing it in Colorado the way they would make regular cookies.
00:53:12.000
Like, if you buy, like, some, you know, like Nabisco, Chips Ahoy or some shit like that, they do them in, like, a factory.
00:53:19.000
There's not much difference between the way they're making some of these cookies.
00:53:21.000
They're having, like, these big machines and they have all these people working there.
00:53:28.000
They're not just, you know, throwing their own ingredients in and home cooking all this stuff.
00:53:35.000
They had this, like, one of those news report shows.
00:53:45.000
They got high in a fucking limo with these people and they went around to all these different places and watched these people make these things.
00:54:01.000
You're watching this thing on television and it just starts to sink in.
00:54:05.000
They're changing the whole culture around that town.
00:54:09.000
The whole culture is going to slowly chill out.
00:54:15.000
Their fucking drunk driving rates are the lowest they've ever had.
00:54:19.000
It's changing everything, and it's only been a year or two.
00:54:22.000
How many years has it been since it's been legal?
00:54:31.000
But in Oregon, they're going to have weed tax-free.
00:54:38.000
Well, I just read a report that Washington had, I think, $70 million their first year of tax revenue.
00:54:46.000
So that seems like a lot of money just to throw away.
00:54:50.000
I think the taxes that the Colorado imposes, which are really high, I think those are great.
00:55:00.000
If you go drinking, okay, if we have a few drinks, like if I go and get us around and all four of us went out drinking, and I look at these kids' shots in a beer, that's like $100, right?
00:55:17.000
The four of us with $200 worth of weed, we'd be fucked for a month.
00:55:23.000
That's a lot of weed, especially if you're buying edibles.
00:55:27.000
You could almost die on $200 worth of weed edibles.
00:55:38.000
Voted at the end of 2012 and started at the beginning of 2014. Oh, I see.
00:55:45.000
That is one of the, I gotta be honest with you, that is one of the funnest four days you'll have as a comic is that Denver run.
00:55:53.000
Especially if you stay downtown because you eat at Sam's, that motherfucking green chili for breakfast with those two eggs and some wheat toast and a bowl of fruit.
00:56:04.000
I thought you were going to talk about the crowds.
00:56:07.000
You got the weed store, and then you got the comedy work.
00:56:26.000
It's one of the few places I would live besides here.
00:56:28.000
I'll tell you what, you made me laugh because I thought about something right back.
00:56:31.000
You know what pill, when I was growing up, had a lot of mistakes with them?
00:56:36.000
What pill, like if they made 100 of them, 10 of them would always be Dud's Quaaludes.
00:56:45.000
No, they were duds because the guy who was making them, his floor was lopsided.
00:56:52.000
And when he put them in the oven, who the fuck knows, Joe Rogan?
00:56:58.000
You know, like right now, this table feels like it's all warped, right?
00:57:05.000
That's the most ridiculous idea of how they make pills ever.
00:57:17.000
So you need 10 biscuits and nothing would happen and people would go, oh my god, I got a dud.
00:57:28.000
What if Cosby gave one of those duds to one of his freaks?
00:57:33.000
He's sitting there stroking his big black dick, waiting on them pills to hit her and shit.
00:57:42.000
What do you think that, like, he could get laid.
00:57:45.000
He could have probably almost any of the girls he wanted to drug anyways, probably.
00:57:53.000
I mean, we could speculate all day long, but obviously he's sick.
00:58:02.000
Not that he was sick to the extent that he is, but that he's got this, like, creepy arrogance about him.
00:58:12.000
Or Wanda Sykes, who's, like, the sweetest person in the world, was interviewing him.
00:58:16.000
And the way she was talking to him, I guess, like, he didn't like it, so he, like, corrected her.
00:58:23.000
He corrected her, you know, her use of Ebonics or what have you.
00:58:31.000
Just not a nice guy and he was wearing sunglasses.
00:58:34.000
When you're indoors and you're wearing sunglasses, unless you got glaucoma, what the fuck are you doing?
00:58:45.000
Floyd Mayweather can wear sunglasses, whatever the fuck he wants.
00:58:47.000
As far as I'm concerned, he can wear sunglasses anywhere he wants.
00:58:51.000
But, you know, it's like, anybody who does that, you know what I mean?
00:58:56.000
It's just weird because I can see where a normal person would drug it just to get laid.
00:59:13.000
He might like to be totally in control of their life.
00:59:19.000
And now they have to do his bidding while they're completely unconscious.
00:59:24.000
Maybe they're in like a halfway dreamland where he could talk to them and they're doing stuff.
00:59:28.000
You know, like lift your legs up and they'll just do it.
00:59:41.000
How many years have had an experience where you brought a woman to your room and nothing happened?
00:59:45.000
Look me in the eye and tell me the truth, gentlemen.
00:59:47.000
Okay, so let's just, with four gentlemen here, let's be honest.
00:59:53.000
If you bring a woman to your hotel room, eight out of ten times you're gonna fuck her guys.
01:00:07.000
Sometimes you bring him over to get high and they get naked for you and put dildos in their pussy.
01:00:11.000
I'm talking about, you know, you're a nice guy.
01:00:18.000
When you're a guy like Bill Cosby, he's a superstar, multi-millionaire.
01:00:21.000
How many of the women are going to go to this room without sucking his dick?
01:00:28.000
All of them are gonna go into that room, whether they're married or...
01:00:31.000
Half of those bitches got a different story also, okay?
01:00:34.000
He drugged you because you were alone with him in a fucking room.
01:00:43.000
You know, when you go into a man's hotel room or his trailer...
01:00:53.000
Let's get that out of the way because he enjoys that faint woman.
01:00:57.000
That woman that's half dead and you're like, that's what he enjoys.
01:01:04.000
Some people want to get jerked off with their feet.
01:01:08.000
I had a friend who was, after a while, he was doing hookers, and he said they would jerk him off with his feet because he was scared of the hiv.
01:01:14.000
So he'd just have him jerk him off with his feet.
01:01:28.000
Eddie Bravo has a real interesting take on this.
01:01:31.000
He had a real good take on this and there was another guy that got charged for it.
01:01:33.000
Was it like CeeLo Green guy was giving girls ecstasy or something like that?
01:01:39.000
And Eddie was talking about like what it must be like to be like a really famous guy who's really rich, but you're also like maybe not the most attractive guy in the world, you know?
01:01:48.000
So like maybe some of them they want to get to know you, but then when you want them to like be sexually attracted to you, it doesn't happen.
01:01:55.000
And so if you're a creep You start drugging them.
01:02:01.000
He was saying, like, maybe he just got tired of them saying no, and he thought he was better than them, and just dropped it in.
01:02:07.000
I forget exactly Eddie's words, but I hadn't considered it like that.
01:02:15.000
I mean, maybe it is a weird thing with them, where it got, like, really frustrating, and then he just decided to do it.
01:02:24.000
That maybe this was like a much more prevalent and accepted thing in the circles that he was running in in like the 1960s?
01:02:33.000
Is it possible that people, like you would talk about people giving people a mickey or he did a joke about Spanish fly, Spanish fly joke.
01:02:41.000
Is it possible that more people were doing this back then and we're just finding out about it now?
01:02:46.000
I don't know, because, I mean, the Slipping the Mickey thing was totally...
01:02:50.000
I mean, and the Spanish Fly thing was almost common.
01:02:55.000
Like, on The Tonight Show, I think, Bill Cosby talked about it.
01:02:58.000
Like, you know, and it seemed like it was more accepted, but...
01:03:06.000
But I don't know anybody who got, like, in the 60s or 70s, who got a Mickey slipped into them.
01:03:11.000
It's like, why was that such a common expression?
01:03:26.000
Can you get me the beginning of the longest yard?
01:03:28.000
I want to show Joe Rogan how much times have changed.
01:03:43.000
Was there a movie that made it look sexy back in the day, like a James Bond?
01:03:51.000
It seems like I remember there was some kind of...
01:03:55.000
Animal House, where he had to decide whether or not to do the right thing or the wrong thing.
01:04:03.000
And the angel was saying, hey, you know, she's blacked out.
01:04:09.000
And, you know, he couldn't figure out what to do.
01:04:11.000
Like, you probably couldn't even do that movie today.
01:04:20.000
You can obviously have a horrific rape scene if it's like a drama, right?
01:04:24.000
But if it's a comedy and you're joking around about rape, you can't have that.
01:04:31.000
What's the last rape scene that made you uncomfortable?
01:04:35.000
There's always rape scenes that make you uncomfortable, but what I'm saying is that you couldn't have a joke about potentially raping a girl like Animal House.
01:04:43.000
You could have a horrible scene in a realistic show, but where the devil's on your shoulder in a comedy going, fucker, fucker!
01:05:03.000
You're going to say they could not do this in a fucking movie.
01:05:11.000
The first scene in the Longest Yard is so fucking off color that it could not be done today.
01:05:18.000
We just watched it by mistake one day and we're like...
01:05:31.000
That would not be acceptable where I came from.
01:05:37.000
I've gotten chicks coked up to the gills to suck my dick.
01:05:45.000
They felt bad the next day, but they did the blow.
01:07:00.000
That's a Maserati in 1973. That's what a Maserati looked like?
01:07:24.000
He's outrunning the cops with his Maserati here.
01:08:33.000
Listen, guys, the car chases in those days were so tough.
01:08:36.000
When you see that movie with McQueen and they're chasing him in San Francisco with their Mustang, that was so much tougher to drive that car.
01:08:54.000
There's, like, no traction on those fucking things.
01:09:09.000
This bad motherfucker tearing shit up in this country in 73. This is before Cannibal Ron, right?
01:09:16.000
Yeah, this is when he was still a fucking savage.
01:09:35.000
This was him against Clint Eastwood, against Charles Bronson, against James Coburn.
01:09:40.000
You had to do this crazy type shit, smack bitches and shit to get attention.
01:09:56.000
You could just fucking press a button and go into the water.
01:10:00.000
Then he goes to the bar, and the cops come in, and he's sitting there fucking hammered.
01:10:05.000
And they're like, step away from the bar, and the little guy goes, why'd you throw a car in the ocean?
01:10:18.000
I was up in Canada and it was on TV. You gotta sit there and go.
01:10:30.000
In San Francisco, and they have a crazy scene with a 68 Mustang where McQueen is chasing this guy.
01:10:40.000
The guy's got this gigantic Dodge Charger, and he's got this dope 68 Mustang, which for cars back then, handled really goddamn good.
01:10:49.000
I mean, that was a lightweight car with a good amount of power, but, you know, there are drum brakes and shitty suspension.
01:10:56.000
And so these guys are driving around the corners in these cars.
01:11:19.000
How much of Steve McQueen's own driving did he do?
01:11:37.000
And it's another movie that for like 10 minutes, nobody says a word.
01:11:44.000
One of the craziest things about it is how well orchestrated it is, how cool it is.
01:12:10.000
He was talking to me about how they make music videos.
01:12:12.000
If you ever notice, they're constantly switching angles, constantly changing the way it looks.
01:12:17.000
He goes, you don't have a static image for like 60 seconds, you know, like someone standing there.
01:12:23.000
Most of the time, like, especially pop songs, they're constantly trying to move the image around to keep you interested in it.
01:12:30.000
But this movie, like, look, we're watching this guy load shells into his shotgun for like 20 seconds.
01:12:39.000
At the beginning of the mechanic, there's not a word for the first 14 minutes.
01:12:47.000
You're sitting there going, what's going on in here?
01:12:52.000
Between this movie and the Dukes of Hazzard, more people fucked up Dodge Chargers.
01:13:00.000
Watch the Dukes of Hazzard and watch that fucking car make a jump and watch the frame bend.
01:13:06.000
And you know that the car that they jumped with is not the car they're driving with.
01:13:13.000
Well, you know, they just got a bunch of them, and they just broke a bunch of them, but they did have some fake ones, too, like some other cars with, like, a Charger body shell that they would sacrifice.
01:13:24.000
Well, Miami Vice, all those cars were just kits.
01:13:36.000
I've seen a Miata that somebody turned into a Testarossa.
01:13:49.000
When you brought those back, there were like 800 people with crack right there like a statue.
01:13:59.000
The guy loses the car and goes right into the gas station and it blows up.
01:14:07.000
I was looking in the back of one of those Hot Rod magazines and they had this kit car thing.
01:14:12.000
It was like not that much money either for the kit.
01:14:24.000
For my first car when I was 15, that was one of my options.
01:14:28.000
It was to get an Army kit car where you could build your own Army Jeep.
01:14:32.000
You get the Jeeps for $250 and put it on a different frame or something crazy.
01:14:55.000
I mean, they don't consider it a car when you buy it.
01:15:02.000
It doesn't pass all the regulations that you need.
01:15:09.000
When they were shipping cars over in the 70s, they had to take the engines out and shit, so the mafia couldn't steal the cars.
01:15:16.000
They also, when they sent Italian shoes over, after a while, they would just send cargoes with right shoes, and then cargoes with left shoes, because like that, they wouldn't get robbed.
01:15:27.000
They would rob the fucking, you know, the fucking docks of the Italian shoes.
01:15:32.000
Well, the docks have always been known as one of the places for organized crime, right?
01:15:38.000
My buddy Joe Lake, we were talking about, he was a teamster.
01:15:43.000
And, you know, a longshoreman, like, that whole world has always been, like, depicted in movies as being, like, organized crime headquarters.
01:15:53.000
There's always, like, people like that, you know, that are, like, the rough, hard tumble, hard scrabble people.
01:16:12.000
So the ships come in with like Hondas and shit?
01:16:13.000
42 fucking dollars an hour plus overtime, since he was in high school.
01:16:19.000
Oh, this is what I was going to ask you earlier, but I didn't want to interrupt your story.
01:16:26.000
I don't even know if you know the answer to this.
01:16:28.000
But they grow it in other countries because they can't grow it here?
01:16:31.000
Or do they grow it in other countries because it's not financially viable here?
01:16:37.000
If any drug dealer could grow poppy seeds here and eliminate the travel, they would have done it by now.
01:16:46.000
Anybody who could cut that cost out and eliminate that whole fucking journey every time...
01:16:52.000
I think it's one of those things that would be really hard to do indoors.
01:16:55.000
Because I think it's something that they do, like when they make heroin, you need a lot of land to make a smaller amount of heroin than you would think.
01:17:02.000
Poppy seeders comes from, heroin comes from the poppy plant, correct?
01:17:10.000
Yeah, that's exactly the same question I was going to ask.
01:17:18.000
People in Beverly Hills now are having coca leaves parties with cigars.
01:17:25.000
And you smoke a cigar and drink wine and people get fucked up.
01:17:33.000
The people in the high altitude in Peru, they have bags of these things they take with them.
01:17:40.000
They pack their mouths with it, and they have like a squirrel-sized lump on the side of their face, and they just chew these leaves.
01:17:46.000
It's like fucking chewing tobacco, only cocoa leaves.
01:17:59.000
What the fuck is this where they take a Dilata and they process it to something else?
01:18:12.000
When you put gasoline and then it eats the skin?
01:18:21.000
I think it starts out when they just have like a little bit of, you know, like a bruised area or fucked up area and then they just get hooked on shooting it in and they keep shooting in that spot and it keeps getting worse and worse and it's just not getting better and then it starts really going downhill and then they get super depressed and they keep shooting it in there.
01:18:38.000
I think it's a real bad drug, real dangerous scary drug and apparently they're doing it when they can't get heroin.
01:18:48.000
But the images, if they're correct, if those are real images of people's bones poked out of their skin, that really is true.
01:18:57.000
When your bones are exposed, you got a problem.
01:19:01.000
I used to snort coke with a guy while he was talking to you.
01:19:05.000
He'd have to get the straw and then put like a paperclip in his nose because the skin had collapsed.
01:19:11.000
So we'd have to pick the skin up, put the dollar in there, and then snort it.
01:19:18.000
And this was an 85. I can't, now he's missing his nose.
01:19:24.000
That was an 85 the last time I snorted with that guy.
01:19:27.000
And he would have to pick up the wall from his nose.
01:19:30.000
Jamie, find out why they don't grow cocaine in the United States.
01:19:34.000
Someone on the message board says it takes an acre of cocoa leaves to make a kilo, so they need, like, slave labor to collect and process.
01:20:02.000
If not, some drug dealer would have hired a chemist and said, bring it over here.
01:20:06.000
Some Chinese guy, okay, with tons of loot would have got another genius Chinese guy 30 years ago and said, teach us how to grow this shit in Jersey.
01:20:33.000
But on the East Coast, that white powder is what the suburban kids like.
01:20:37.000
That's what the models get hooked on because it's two bumps and you're done.
01:20:49.000
This next war, this last war, when this started after 9-11, this picked up heroin again.
01:20:54.000
It started coming in here again, especially in the Detroit area.
01:20:59.000
Detroit is not as fucked up as it is because it's fucked up.
01:21:07.000
And the same thing happened in Newark, New Jersey.
01:21:09.000
It happened in a couple fucking areas that I know about because I have friends that shoot fucking heroin.
01:21:14.000
And they tell you this and you're like, hmm, that's interesting that this happened after 9-11.
01:21:21.000
Well, I mean, the production of heroin has gone through the roof in Afghanistan.
01:21:25.000
You know, and there's all sorts of reasons why they have excuses why they let them do it, or why it's happening, or why, you know, the army helps them.
01:21:33.000
So pills are at their all-time highest, and heroin's at their all-time highest.
01:21:40.000
Do they need actual heroin to make those pills?
01:21:50.000
Like, where are they getting the compounds to put it together?
01:21:54.000
I mean, they have to have, like, a raw version of something that turns into heroin, right?
01:21:58.000
I mean, when you say synthetic, it's not like you press a 3D printer and heroin comes out.
01:22:02.000
There has to be things that they, like, a lot of pharmaceuticals, we think of them as pharmaceuticals, but a lot of them, they're actually getting some of the chemicals from plants.
01:22:12.000
You know, that's one of the reasons why they mine the rainforest.
01:22:15.000
They're always looking for different plants that they can exploit and they can make pharmaceutical drugs out of.
01:22:20.000
It's kind of like, I remember when I was a hippie, a lot of people had synthetic peyote.
01:22:25.000
And I don't know what that even means, but I think they just took the compounds, whatever makes, you know, real peyote and just recreate it in a lab somehow.
01:22:38.000
Well, there was a story that I read about Coca-Cola.
01:22:49.000
What they do is they get these coca leaves and they bring them to this medical cocaine supply That's right.
01:22:55.000
And they take the coke out, sell that to New Jersey, a company in New Jersey, and they put it into pills and medicine.
01:23:03.000
So that's all coming from coca leaves, which is really crazy.
01:23:09.000
You would have thought that synthetic cocaine or lidocaine or whatever the fuck it is that they're using, whatever versions of medical grade cocaine that they use, you would have thought somehow or another that's coming from chemicals.
01:23:24.000
Like there's got to be like raw compounds that are used to make this stuff.
01:23:32.000
I think synthetic means they take some of the origin and they put other shit in it to match and they make it cheaper for you.
01:23:39.000
It's like when you go to the store now and you go, hi, I'm here to pick up my medication.
01:23:43.000
They go, well, we wanted to ask you a question.
01:23:45.000
Do you want the original OxyContin or do you want Melocontin, which is the same, only made in Switzerland, but instead of $80, the prescription is $28.
01:23:56.000
So I shouldn't say synthetic heroin, synthetic opiates.
01:24:09.000
Well, there's a bunch that are derived from opium.
01:24:15.000
Morphine, codeine, heroin, t-bane, and aurepivine.
01:24:33.000
I mean, I don't use them, obviously, but I've heard.
01:24:40.000
I was on a morphine drip when I got my knee operated on my first time.
01:25:07.000
I didn't even think I did but then I remembered that one night that I had to stay in the hospital and I had my ACL reconstructed.
01:25:15.000
That's why they had me there and it was done with a patella tendon graft.
01:25:22.000
They're taking a chunk of bone off my knee and a chunk of bone off my shin and a sliver of my patella tendon.
01:25:29.000
And then they open you up like a fish, screw this piece of meat and use the bone piece that they cut out of the shin and the bone piece that they cut out of the kneecap and then they reconstruct the knee.
01:25:49.000
The other one that I had done, I had done with a cadaver, like way easier.
01:25:58.000
I went to his birthday party five days after the operation.
01:26:10.000
Like, it's totally different than the patella tendon graft.
01:26:15.000
But I'm lying in bed, and they have me on this continuous motion machine.
01:26:18.000
From the moment you come out of the operating room, they put you on the...
01:26:20.000
They don't want your leg to stiffen up, because then it's really hard to get it...
01:26:24.000
You know, once you get really rigid, you know, the trauma sets in and it's really difficult to straighten your leg out.
01:26:32.000
So not only are you in agony, but your leg is on this continual machine.
01:26:41.000
Morphine is commonly related to morphine sulfate.
01:26:49.000
That is, heroin is simply morphine with an acetyl molecule attached.
01:27:02.000
Yeah, in terms of the effects, they're exactly the same.
01:27:05.000
And medically interchangeable, except for the dosage.
01:27:07.000
In fact, they're both converted to the same form of morphine when they get into the body.
01:27:14.000
It's all this, you know, when you have surgery, it's all, when they give you that shit.
01:27:22.000
It's not the street level, but it's a form of what you're getting high.
01:27:29.000
My friend's mom had cancer, and she went through all the channels, and she was on her way out, and she decided to go out on her own by taking all her morphine.
01:27:39.000
She just said, look, what a beautiful way to do it.
01:27:43.000
They were giving her something for pain, and I guess she had enough to stop the picker.
01:28:04.000
I know it could be abused by people that want to kill people.
01:28:10.000
You could run into those type of people that would actually kill a family member to get some money from the will, kill a wife, you know, those kind of things.
01:28:19.000
But I think that still, for someone who's dying, man, for your mom or something like that, when it's the last days and you've got to watch her just in agony constantly with no light at the end of the tunnel, you know, she's 90 years old or whatever the hell she is, like, fuck, man.
01:28:41.000
Like, there was that one girl that was trying to do that.
01:28:46.000
Yeah, she ended up delaying it a couple days, and then she did it.
01:28:54.000
I think you gotta be there to really make a decision on that one, you know?
01:29:01.000
You get weary from the illness just draining you and then the chemotherapy drains you sometimes even further and it's hard.
01:29:12.000
What's amazing is how many people benefit from CBDs from marijuana and how few people are getting it.
01:29:18.000
The more I read about this and the more I talk to people that have had it and talk to people that have loved ones that have tried it on cancer and had incredible results.
01:29:29.000
It's just so hard to believe that that stuff is still demonized, that people are still pretending that it's one of the worst things that society can make legal.
01:29:37.000
If it only did that with cancer, forget about the getting high part.
01:29:41.000
If it only did that for cancer, do you know how magical that drug would be?
01:29:47.000
It's like a stripper that wrote the most amazing book, but nobody wants to listen to it because she used to be a stripper.
01:29:57.000
And that seedy part keeps people from recognizing the textile use, the uses as a commodity, the use for making houses, the use for food.
01:30:06.000
Like if it was just all those things and didn't get people high, it would be our all-time favorite plant.
01:30:15.000
They say that this hempcrete, have you ever heard of hempcrete, concrete they make with hemp?
01:30:19.000
It's supposed to be some of the most durable, lightweight, fire-resistant insulation.
01:30:37.000
It's really crazy if you stopped and thought about it.
01:30:40.000
If it was a plot in a movie, if there was something that was as powerful as the marijuana plant, it was something that had so many benefits, And it was somehow or another kept illegal.
01:30:48.000
And somehow or another, the propaganda kept people thinking that it would be one of the worst things for a society if they were to make this legal.
01:31:06.000
Have you seen any different fucking kids have benefited from Johnny Rotten.
01:31:13.000
He moves up to Seattle, gets him on the medical marijuana program.
01:31:18.000
Goes away, gets a hundred times better, and the kid starts communicating.
01:31:24.000
It's one of the weirdest parts about being alive in 2015 is that there's so many improvements going on.
01:31:30.000
There's so much fascinating shit happening in our culture, and yet this one thing is like this holdout.
01:31:44.000
Like, I'm the type of guy that, you know what, man?
01:31:47.000
I didn't eat sushi until 1995, but I came around.
01:31:50.000
You know, when I was in New York, fuck, you were raw fish.
01:32:02.000
And then you listen to a fucking moron like Governor Christie who just aggravates me.
01:32:06.000
It aggravates me that this guy is running for president.
01:32:09.000
This fucking year's president fucking list is horrible.
01:32:18.000
You're like, these motherfuckers, from the Cuban dude to Christie, we're in bad shape, though.
01:32:34.000
I just, I can't imagine him ever, and he's got that whole bridge thing that's going to hold him back.
01:32:39.000
He's not going to get enough, but what he will do in doing this is raise his public profile, and maybe he's pretty good at debating.
01:32:48.000
And maybe if he has these conversations in front of America, the way he's been having them in New Jersey, maybe in a big public forum like presidential debates, it could be kind of interesting.
01:32:59.000
Because as moronic as he is, he's still a very good talker.
01:33:04.000
I disagree with a lot of the shit that he says.
01:33:07.000
But I've got to respect the fact that the guy knows how to communicate.
01:33:10.000
Sometimes that's all you need in this goofy-ass world.
01:33:18.000
They got him on that fucking belly band, but somehow or another it didn't work.
01:33:26.000
Find out if he did that, because that's ridiculous.
01:33:35.000
And I know that to be a politician in New Jersey, somewhere along the line, you gotta take an envelope.
01:33:43.000
And when you're running for president, it's pretty tough to take an envelope and people have to fucking raise their hand.
01:33:51.000
When he raised his hand, I could not believe it.
01:34:01.000
In New York in the 80s, when he was building all those things...
01:34:09.000
In the 80s, when he was doing all that developing...
01:34:23.000
Rogan Construction was a company started by your grandpa in Newark and his two brothers, and then he hired their sons, and now they have 12 full-time employees, and they've been putzing along since 1948, doing new construction and houses and remodels,
01:34:42.000
And all of a sudden, a GC comes in, who's a general contractor on this job, who's somebody like fucking Trump.
01:34:48.000
And he hires people like Rogan Construction and Search Electric and, oh God, it's fucking plumbing.
01:34:58.000
You know, whatever the fuck the name of the company is.
01:35:07.000
All that construction he did in New York and New Jersey in the 80s was very suspect.
01:35:12.000
Number two, before he raised his hand, I hope, I hope that he's this intelligent.
01:35:21.000
I hope that he called a congressman or a governor or somebody in Colorado and he said, how buried is Sammy the Bull Gravano?
01:35:33.000
Because all those deals he had going on in the 80s, he was in bed with the mafia.
01:35:39.000
It doesn't take a fucking genius to tell you that.
01:35:41.000
Okay, a dumpster, the one that Johnny Reed fell in when he tried to commit suicide, you know those dumpsters you guys see?
01:35:51.000
To get one in Colorado in 1987 was $200 for the day.
01:35:56.000
You know what that same dumpster was in New York in 1987?
01:36:10.000
So somewhere along the line, this Trump was in bed with organized crime.
01:36:21.000
I always knew this idiot did not, could not raise his fucking hand.
01:36:25.000
And if anybody is smart, go to the Sammy the Bull book.
01:36:36.000
And as soon as this guy moves up a little bit, they're going to go...
01:36:46.000
The Buffon Ghoul Company of fucking blind kids.
01:36:51.000
Because this guy was the major contractor in New York in the 80s.
01:36:55.000
All these small businesses, he put their lights out.
01:37:02.000
When I got locked up, one of the conditions of me getting out was I had to get a job.
01:37:06.000
To alleviate the state of Colorado, my attorney came up with this paperwork.
01:37:17.000
As soon as he gets out of your fucking jail, we'll take him out of New Jersey.
01:37:22.000
But to do all this, I have a promise of employment.
01:37:26.000
And I called around New Jersey and my friend's uncle had a window, door, trim, sash company.
01:37:36.000
And trim around your door and the door and shades.
01:37:45.000
So he goes, if you want to go, he sent me the resume to the guy, his uncle, and I called him.
01:37:51.000
And, in fact, I wrote the guy while I was in prison, back and forth, because he would tell me, keep your head up.
01:37:59.000
When I got out into the halfway house, I called him.
01:38:02.000
And I said, hey, man, I got to sit in the halfway house for 90 days, but I'll be in Jersey by June.
01:38:09.000
We were working on this construction company, and we got stiffed.
01:38:16.000
We had an investment in the, you know, these were high rises.
01:38:20.000
You had to pay for all those windows and he's going to pay you.
01:38:22.000
You know, they might have got a deposit or something from the GC, but not enough.
01:38:29.000
Yeah, but he would go under like, he would go to, he was the top builder and he would go to Joe Rogan Construction and he would put it all under your name.
01:38:44.000
You know, when you run for president, they look at you with a fucking...
01:38:51.000
I don't know what happened with the birth certificate and Obama's birth certificate.
01:38:57.000
This is something you cannot overlook with this guy.
01:39:00.000
He doesn't know anything about the fucking country.
01:39:03.000
He was one of the guys that was going on and on about Obama's birth certificate.
01:39:15.000
Look just look at them as human beings like when you hear them talk and you you kind of like what they stand for He's my favorite president ever who Obama better than Clinton.
01:39:23.000
Yeah, I think Clinton, you know Clinton had a lot of flavor and he did some good stuff, too But I think Obama has been the most maybe it's just the times that we're in he's the most the most noticeable when it comes to like Spreading this,
01:39:41.000
like, what I think is an improvement in the way people think.
01:39:49.000
Like, where they turned the fucking White House rainbow when it got passed.
01:39:55.000
When you saw that picture of the White House being rainbow-colored at night, I was like, this is nuts, man.
01:40:02.000
This is some shit that's similar to the fucking abolition of slavery.
01:40:14.000
I mean, but it's similar in the way that it's going to change the way people look at gay people.
01:40:25.000
It might not be the generation of our older brothers and sisters.
01:40:28.000
But it's going to be the generation of our kids.
01:40:31.000
The generation of our kids is going to understand that gay people, it's just like being mad at people for having red hair.
01:40:38.000
And if you give a fuck about that, what else are you gonna come creeping around about?
01:40:45.000
Are you gonna fuck with people about the way they're dressed?
01:40:47.000
Are you gonna fuck with people about the way they talk?
01:40:51.000
And the more we do that, the more we can sort it all out.
01:40:58.000
Well, a lot of what's bothering people is people intruding on other people's lives.
01:41:02.000
And it doesn't get any more inclusive than in the fucking bedroom.
01:41:07.000
You care if people want to get married, if they love each other just because they're two guys or two girls.
01:41:19.000
And this is just one thing that you ideologically attached yourself to.
01:41:27.000
Other shit you got going on in your head you don't want people to do.
01:41:30.000
You know, who knows what other weird kind of Sharia law shit you want to incorporate into society.
01:41:37.000
You think people shouldn't be able to get married just because they're two men or two women?
01:41:41.000
That's intolerable in 2015. That's archaic shit.
01:41:45.000
And I think that is one of the archaic things that's going to slowly but surely start vanishing from our world.
01:41:59.000
I think it was Jessica Andrade, an MMA fighter, and she was talking about how many people in Brazil are homophobic in comparison to the United States.
01:42:09.000
And she's like, it's really nice to see the United States doing this, and hopefully more people in Brazil think this way too.
01:42:14.000
And you realize that in a lot of Latin American countries especially, like you were talking about Cuba.
01:42:20.000
You were talking to me the other night about Cuba.
01:42:27.000
Listen, man, this is something completely new to some people.
01:42:35.000
Like I said in my joke on stage, I live next to two transgenders across the street.
01:42:49.000
You know, but there's some people who are still living in 1970, man.
01:42:54.000
And those people are stuck in their own fucking lives, so I just keep walking.
01:43:02.000
Long for the days when you could smash a chick's face against the wall.
01:43:05.000
I was explaining to you the other day that the most foremost community in Cuba is the gay community.
01:43:28.000
But my stepfather, he's from the other side of Cuba, okay, where they can't be in a room with a gay guy.
01:43:35.000
No hatred, no whatever, but they just can't be in a room.
01:43:39.000
Their manhood cannot be in a room with a gay guy, you know, and I get it.
01:43:45.000
Some Latin American countries, it's just, but who are the biggest gay guys in the world?
01:43:57.000
What would it be like in 1950 to be gay in Sicily?
01:44:07.000
I think that you would be fucking totally against it.
01:44:11.000
I think Northern Italy, those hard-headed motherfuckers, you can't tell those motherfuckers you're a finok, or whatever the fuck they call them.
01:44:21.000
That doesn't make any sense, because that is the biggest gay sex organization in the world.
01:44:30.000
Do the priests fuck each other, or are they only fuck kids?
01:44:36.000
You gotta bring me down with that talk now and shit, but...
01:44:41.000
I didn't, you know, I just know how it was when I was growing up.
01:44:47.000
Did you know the Vatican owned a gay bathhouse?
01:44:49.000
The building the Vatican owned was home to the biggest gay bathhouse in Italy.
01:45:01.000
Yeah, I'll pull up the story because it's fucking ridiculous.
01:45:11.000
You know, like this gigantic, crazy cult that's running the Catholic Empire.
01:45:16.000
They've been in charge for so long, wearing wizard costumes and sitting on thrones.
01:45:21.000
And people, so many people have bought into it that it's...
01:45:25.000
The Vatican pays landlord to Europe's biggest gay bathhouse.
01:45:28.000
And by the way, I say this, I went to Catholic school.
01:45:37.000
They play landlord to Europe's biggest gay bathhouse.
01:45:41.000
The church paid $30 million to acquire a building that houses a senior cardinal and a huge gay sauna.
01:45:59.000
First of all, how crazy is it that the Vatican has $30 million to buy houses with?
01:46:05.000
The 75-year-old prince of the church enjoys a 12-room apartment on the first floor of the imposing palazzo at 2 Via Carducci, just yards from the ground floor entrance to the steamy flesh pot.
01:46:49.000
One of those fucking trees that you hang over your rear view?
01:46:54.000
A weekly bear night featuring Bruno, a hairy, overweight pastor of souls who dresses in Catholic vestments naturally, is free to the music of his clergyman remaining in a thong.
01:47:10.000
I'm going to slay some dick with a fucking priest.
01:47:11.000
Because he wants to expose body and soul, according to the Independent.
01:47:15.000
Bear Knight also features a buffet because exposing one's body and soul works up an appetite.
01:47:29.000
You read this after you go to Catholic school when you're raised Catholic.
01:47:36.000
Like, it's just like firecrackers went off in your head.
01:47:38.000
For some people, it's like how they found out when Cosby was doping bitches.
01:47:54.000
But they arrested one guy that was, like, in the organization, right?
01:47:58.000
Did they just investigate Jared, or did they have a suspicion?
01:48:01.000
And now his house is being investigated and it just announced that he's separated his business ties with Subway right now.
01:48:17.000
These people all got a creepy fucking freak and it comes out eventually, man.
01:48:26.000
I love little boys in fucking bikinis, you know, eating a Subway sandwich.
01:48:33.000
So do you think that like maybe he sent shit to Jared and Jared kept his mouth shut?
01:48:46.000
That if you didn't have a life, if you didn't have a life, you want to yell.
01:48:50.000
When I first started hearing this shit about the Catholic Church, I ignored it.
01:49:00.000
One of those kids that fucking helped a priest for about six months.
01:49:04.000
I did that shit until I got thrown out of there.
01:49:10.000
I gotta tell you, man, when I get dark thoughts sometimes, I'm about to go to sleep, I just get dark fucking thoughts.
01:49:17.000
And just from being around Buddhists in Boulder, I learned that they chant a lot.
01:49:22.000
And in other words, a chant is not any different than a prayer.
01:49:27.000
So sometimes when I got a bad thought, I'll say a fucking Lord's Prayer.
01:49:32.000
So when I hear this shit, it just does something to you.
01:49:37.000
But for some people, it's like getting punched in the stomach.
01:49:41.000
It's like having a babysitter and molest your kid.
01:49:48.000
Every three days, we get dropped with something that we go, what the fuck?
01:49:57.000
When things like this happen, you always gotta wonder, what sets something like that off in someone's brain?
01:50:04.000
Does it happen because someone does it to them?
01:50:09.000
What the fuck is it that makes someone sexually attracted to kids?
01:50:20.000
It's almost like in having that, your body is so weak, your mind is so weak, everything is so off-kilter, you're trying to get yourself killed.
01:50:30.000
And there's no better way to get yourself killed than fucking someone's kids.
01:50:33.000
Like, do you know any people, like, you remember that video where the guy's walking through the airport, and he had molested, he was a karate instructor, and he had molested some kids, and this guy's, this one of the kid's dads waited for him in the airport, and as he walked by with the cops, walks up to his head, boom,
01:50:48.000
blows his brains out, just drops the gun on the ground.
01:51:01.000
He shot that guy right in the fucking head in front of cops and then dropped the gun.
01:51:11.000
There's some things that if you get there before the cops, you win.
01:51:16.000
If you get there before the cops, you fucking win, man.
01:51:25.000
And the cops are, like, fucking handcuffing him going, that a boy.
01:51:31.000
Father shoots and kills son's kidnapper in airport for revenge.
01:52:04.000
I mean, I'm not usually for this kind of shit, but boom.
01:52:18.000
You know you've been my friend for a long time.
01:52:26.000
When they went down to Cuba, and they tell the fucking Maya Lansky that, they tell the Jew that fucking they saw rebels.
01:52:35.000
He goes, these motherfuckers have been savages all their lives.
01:52:41.000
Dog, I have a revenge gene in me, and it's horrible.
01:52:48.000
I would hit somebody with a car and go to the same jail.
01:53:04.000
In Man on Fire, I'll tell you how bad he is, which I missed that scene until a month ago.
01:53:11.000
There's only two motherfuckers in the movies that have done that.
01:53:17.000
He talked a motherfucker into hanging himself from the other cell.
01:53:23.000
He talked Migs into fucking swallowing his own fucking tongue.
01:53:26.000
Migs was the guy who used to throw jizz on people's faces.
01:53:45.000
That was the one where they killed him and he came back.
01:53:51.000
And they kept shooting the body, and he kept going down.
01:53:55.000
They beat a guy to death with a whip, and then he came back as Clint Eastwood.
01:54:06.000
I remember seeing, the first time I saw High Plains Drifter, I was like, holy shit.
01:54:10.000
No, you had to throw, that's what I'm talking about.
01:54:12.000
When you see the machismo in Burt Reynolds, it's because that motherfucker just watched Bullet, and he goes, wait a second.
01:54:25.000
And then Charles Bronson came along and he's gotta outdo everybody because he's ugly.
01:54:30.000
You know, he was the baddest motherfucker ever.
01:54:33.000
If I'm going to watch a movie from that era, and like if I come home, like say if I go to a hotel room, hey, you know, you're bored, like, what's on TV? And you turn it on and you get this, you get excited.
01:54:46.000
You know, you thought you were just going to be by yourself.
01:54:49.000
Watching some terrible movie, and it turns out High Plains Drifter's on HBO or something.
01:54:55.000
They don't even really show these on HBO, do they?
01:54:59.000
They have to show new shit all the time, right?
01:55:00.000
No, there's a channel about a month ago, they showed not High Plains Drifter, but the other one.
01:55:09.000
You don't want these fucking things on regular TV. I can't watch these movies, Joe Rogan.
01:55:18.000
These movies remind you why you're an American, bro.
01:55:32.000
I got a wife and a kid that I worry about, and I don't know what I'd do.
01:55:38.000
I told you, I gotta get one of those John Wick guns, dog.
01:55:41.000
I'll tell you, that John Wick, the first 20 minutes until he hooks up with the chick, once he hooked up with the chicks, it bothers me for a while.
01:55:47.000
But then you click it on with 45 minutes left, that is one of the best kick-ass scenes since Bruce Lee and Enter the Dragon.
01:55:59.000
He's using bullets as strikes, and he's shooting them up close and blowing their fucking heads off.
01:56:06.000
And when you see that movie, you know, he trained with Hegan a lot.
01:56:28.000
Guy looks at you and goes, your shoulder bother?
01:56:48.000
You gotta see me doing 90 up Laurel Canyon after the eagle is loose.
01:57:05.000
And he's like, dog, last week some dude went in there with a fucked up hip.
01:57:09.000
The guy was there this weekend throwing fucking sidekicks.
01:57:16.000
It might be one of the most thankless jobs ever.
01:57:19.000
There's not one, Lance Armstrong or the Rodeo Clowns.
01:57:23.000
There's like Ken Block, who's like a famous driver, right?
01:57:29.000
You know, there's one guy in each discipline, Tiger Woods.
01:57:38.000
There's probably one person that we just don't know.
01:57:40.000
It's like a Mexican superhero or something like that.
01:57:44.000
They have, I mean, in bullfighting, I mean, like bull riding, I'm pretty sure is an American tradition.
01:57:53.000
I think in Mexico, obviously, they have a lot of bullfighting.
01:58:05.000
It's like the indigenous Americans that came over, when the Spanish came over, they taught them Spanish and started fucking them.
01:58:15.000
That's why you get like Mexicans like Oscar De La Hoya, you know, who's like this beautiful looking, you know, European looking man, like kind of fairly pale skin.
01:58:24.000
And then you get a Mexican like, you know, Juan Manuel Marquez, who's like much more Mexican looking.
01:58:37.000
The whole North American continent is fucking fascinating.
01:58:40.000
It's fascinating to think that if you came to this spot 400 years ago, there'd be very few people here.
01:58:54.000
There was a Diaz on the boat with Columbus and a Valdez.
01:59:08.000
And they spell it with a Z. And then one of the biggest lieutenants in Sicilian history is a Diaz with a C. And then we just saw that priest with an S. A Diaz with a C? A Z. I'm sorry, a Z. And then you have...
01:59:23.000
The fucking lunatics up in Stockton and they're Mexican.
01:59:27.000
And I'm sitting here in front of you and I'm Cuban as can be.
01:59:31.000
Like, Diaz there, Diaz there, and Diaz as a lieutenant, and Diaz was on the ship as an Italian.
01:59:40.000
Italian Diaz and Italian Valdez with a Z. My mother's side of the family is Valdez, and they're darker than that.
01:59:49.000
And my father's side is Diaz, and they're from Camagüey, and they came from Spain.
02:00:01.000
So you have to think, how did Diaz get to Mexico?
02:00:05.000
How did this Diaz get here and how did Diaz with a Z, Diaz with an S? These are all very interesting things that I look at.
02:00:14.000
We were talking about how they found that fucking tooth of the whale in Wyoming.
02:00:19.000
Remember years ago, we had that discussion on the podcast.
02:00:22.000
You know, this is things that have always baffled me.
02:00:25.000
Like, how come there's Nate Diaz and his brother?
02:00:33.000
They came from somewhere else and evolved, whatever.
02:00:39.000
One of the things that's been getting me lately is this water situation in California.
02:00:46.000
It's three years going on four years now, and the drought is pretty ferocious.
02:00:51.000
They're saying that California used 29% less water last month, so people are working to try to solve it.
02:00:59.000
But what was occurring to me when I was thinking about this is we know for a fact that there's areas of the world that used to be lush And then they became desert.
02:01:09.000
We know for a fact about the Nile Valley, like in Egypt, where the pyramids used to be, where the pyramids are, rather.
02:01:15.000
Before that, like 9,000 years ago, they know there was a rainforest there.
02:01:19.000
And slowly over time, shit just changed and then there's not that much rainfall.
02:01:28.000
Would they just keep pumping water artificially into the spot?
02:01:39.000
Whenever the climate got bad, people had to get the fuck out of there.
02:01:42.000
When the Ice Age was happening here, no one was living in Canada.
02:01:45.000
No one was living in Canada during the Ice Age.
02:01:48.000
Because it was two miles thick of ice in a lot of spots.
02:01:53.000
You would find a way to get to a place where it's not ice.
02:01:57.000
But all the places that were covered in ice, it was a massive amount of Canada.
02:02:01.000
So when all that ice receded, that's where we got the Great Lakes from.
02:02:04.000
The Great Lakes are fucking puddles that are melted glaciers.
02:02:08.000
I mean, that's how fucking crazy this place was just 10,000 years ago.
02:02:12.000
If we had a house and it was there, you can't be stubborn when the ice starts coming.
02:02:17.000
You can't say, we're just going to keep chipping away at that ice every year.
02:02:19.000
At a certain point in time, you've got to realize, okay, if there's two miles...
02:02:22.000
Of ice, and it's as big as fucking Canada, or half of Canada, or even a few states.
02:02:36.000
Our idea that we can control nature is so arrogant.
02:02:41.000
Like, everybody talks about, like, well, California's California.
02:02:44.000
We gotta do something about the California water crisis.
02:02:50.000
If it doesn't rain but once or twice a year, or ten times a year, or twenty times a year, there have been way crazier things than a shift in our climate to the point where it rains zero.
02:03:04.000
If it's possible to rain one day a year, it's possible to rain zero.
02:03:07.000
If it's possible to rain ten, it's possible to rain one.
02:03:16.000
It would be something that's happened all throughout the world.
02:03:18.000
They know that a lot of deserts used to be lush areas, and then somehow or another, for whatever reason, things changed.
02:03:32.000
I'm sure global Warming that there's without a doubt as some element of human civilization is a part of it.
02:03:40.000
There's too many scientists that believe it does.
02:03:44.000
But even without that factor, it's super possible that shit would change on its own.
02:03:54.000
And if you're in a spot that sucks, you got to make a decision.
02:03:58.000
You got to figure out what the fuck you're going to do.
02:04:07.000
It's raining so much that there's shit water everywhere and people are losing their sight because it's overfilled all the sewage and stuff.
02:04:17.000
Yeah, this girl lost her sight just from being in the water.
02:04:27.000
They've had such bad flooding in the past month.
02:04:34.000
I remember that back when we worked at the Laugh...
02:04:36.000
When I was there, they were thinking about that Sunday, floods.
02:04:41.000
No, no, no, the Laugh Stop in Houston, way back in the day.
02:04:45.000
Do you remember when they had to close that hotel we used to stay at?
02:05:06.000
Fecal matter water advisories issued for some Galveston County beaches.
02:05:26.000
At least the UFC waited three days and shit with Jon Jones.
02:05:35.000
They don't even give a fuck whether he's guilty or not.
02:05:38.000
Even if Jared didn't do anything but knew about it, if he knew the dude had child porn, he's still responsible.
02:05:47.000
A woman loses sight in one eye after a mud run.
02:05:50.000
A young woman went blind in one eye within 24 hours after catching a flesh-eating bacteria during a mud run in Dallas this month because of all the flooding.
02:06:03.000
It says, a woman said the debris cut her eye, allowing flesh-eating bacteria to destroy her cornea.
02:06:21.000
More than a thousand runners get diarrhea after mud day event.
02:06:27.000
Well, you're definitely getting some bacteria if you get a mouthful of mud.
02:06:38.000
That's Gentile shit jumping in a fucking puddle of mud.
02:06:48.000
They jump into fucking cold water and nothing bad gonna happen to you.
02:06:51.000
You wanna jump in mud after you've fucking been running, snowing, whatever the fuck it's been for a month.
02:06:58.000
I used to think those polar bear people were idiots.
02:07:04.000
And then you said, God, they're onto something, isn't it?
02:07:06.000
When you jump in the ocean, man, and it's cold, it does something to you.
02:07:10.000
Especially when it hits like your bones for a minute.
02:07:12.000
When you come out of there, you feel like a fucking new man.
02:07:22.000
When I used to jump into a board in Oregon and Seattle, that's fucking penguin weather.
02:07:27.000
That's when you feel the bones in your feet and shit.
02:07:32.000
Because this cryotherapy shit, this stuff is changing my fucking body.
02:07:38.000
It's amazing how well it cures any weird shit that's bugging you.
02:07:49.000
Your body produces all these anti-inflammation responses to the cold weather.
02:07:55.000
So that's probably what they were doing when they were jumping in the ocean.
02:08:04.000
Your dick shrinks and it gets hard real fast and shit.
02:08:07.000
It shrinks and it pops out of that motherfucker like yum yum juice is being served and shit.
02:08:13.000
I'll never forget you saying, any of your ex-girlfriends killed themselves?
02:08:19.000
Oh, if you suck my dick in the 80s, you should have killed yourself.
02:08:23.000
There's a girl on Facebook that I saw one night.
02:08:27.000
The last time I saw this chick was the night Flutie.
02:08:54.000
No, they called the Fairview, New Jersey, because it was a dry hump.
02:09:00.000
They will give you nicknames for everything in Jersey, you know.
02:09:04.000
And I saw her out, man, and I don't know what the fuck happened.
02:09:08.000
She was a babysitter for this family, Louie Donato.
02:09:12.000
We went over to their house, and I saw a deposit bag from the bar, and I robbed it, and we got more blow.
02:09:17.000
We ended up in the hotel room doing powder, and she's like, guess what color my underwear?
02:09:22.000
She's like, if you guess the color of my underwear, I'll take them off.
02:09:27.000
She's like, they're green, but fucking take them off.
02:09:32.000
And I saw her on Facebook and I'm like, do you remember what happened that night?
02:09:50.000
You know, with all this transgender talk, I was telling these motherfuckers on stage the night that that chick showed us her pussy in Las Vegas.
02:10:00.000
I said it looked like a bat with his mouth open.
02:10:08.000
The skin was tight and it looked like somebody put a boar in it where the dick hole was and cleaned it out.
02:10:13.000
Do you remember when Doug and I were doing the man show and we had that really beautiful...
02:10:17.000
We had two of them that were really beautiful that were transgender.
02:10:21.000
The one of them that was pre-op, and she showed his dick to the audience.
02:10:31.000
I was treating her correctly by calling her a she, then I got to the dick.
02:10:40.000
So beautiful that she was walking up the hill, driving up the hill.
02:10:43.000
You know, we used to be the Hyatt next to the Comedy Store.
02:10:46.000
She was driving up that hill, and Eddie Bravo and I were coming down the hill.
02:10:49.000
We were walking, and she was coming up, and Eddie looked at me and goes, God damn!
02:11:26.000
Get a transgender set like normal guys up with them on a date and see if they guess it.
02:11:34.000
That's how Jenny Jones got canceled from TV. Don't you remember?
02:11:38.000
Jenny Jones had an episode where it was like my secret crush.
02:11:42.000
And the guy had a secret crush on this dude that he worked with.
02:12:11.000
We'll give them a chick that's already had the operation.
02:12:14.000
And after they fucking suck, then you break it to them like with a guard dick.
02:12:29.000
And somebody tells you, you ain't leaving the house for a week.
02:12:44.000
No, after they fuck, you sit them down and go, how was your date?
02:12:50.000
What did we tell you if Diane was really dick the jick?
02:12:53.000
And he used to sling dick back in the 80s on the Sunset Strip, and the guy just freezed.
02:13:17.000
Dudes are willing to accept artificially enhanced breasts, right?
02:13:24.000
I mean, some guys don't prefer them, but they're willing to accept artificially enhanced breasts.
02:13:28.000
So breasts that change your body and they turn your body into something that's more...
02:13:34.000
More womanly or more, for whatever reason, it activates that part of your lizard brain that sees the big fleshy tits and thinks that this girl will be able to take care of my babies well.
02:13:46.000
That's the same gene that gives you the big ass, like the big ass and the big tits, like that sparks.
02:13:53.000
It's not as a matter of someone giving you affection.
02:13:55.000
It's a matter of someone giving you affection in a very specific shape that rings in your brain.
02:14:00.000
Well, they can do that, and do that absolutely perfectly, and they will be able to eventually, if they can already right now, and turn a guy into the exact shape of a woman that's hot as fuck.
02:14:12.000
At the end of the day, you can search around for some fucking hidden crackerjack toy.
02:14:18.000
You can lift her up and look around and try to figure out, okay...
02:14:31.000
And you'll eventually decide that it's a woman.
02:14:41.000
And if someone can figure out how to do it just perfectly...
02:14:46.000
They figured out how to go in there and fucking tweak this shit...
02:14:51.000
You saw that thing that Rhonda Patrick tweeted?
02:14:59.000
They figured out a way to delete a gene in pigs, and they come out like Incredible Hulk pigs.
02:15:06.000
They're doing all kinds of weird shit with genetics, and they're already doing this on people, she says, in China.
02:15:13.000
She's coming on the podcast soon to talk to me about it.
02:15:16.000
I can't wait to talk about it, but look at these fucking pigs, man.
02:15:26.000
If you were in a pig butt, you know what I'm saying?
02:15:29.000
This is a new thing they're doing to the bodies of these animals.
02:15:34.000
They're going to be able to do that to people too, man.
02:15:36.000
And they're going to be able to turn a man into a woman.
02:15:40.000
They'll be able to literally get in there and dig around.
02:15:43.000
Switch this, turn that off, and turn this on, and you're a woman.
02:15:52.000
I mean, I don't know if they're ever going to be able to turn a dick into a vagina without surgery, but I can't imagine one day they will.
02:15:57.000
One day they'll just be able to, you could go back and forth.
02:16:03.000
One day it's the government will have a switch.
02:16:05.000
We'll just decide today we're gonna be a girl day.
02:16:08.000
Today everyone is gonna learn to be more sensitive to women because we're all gonna be women and just hit a switch.
02:16:14.000
The entire city is a woman and that's when the Mongols invade.
02:16:18.000
Come over the hill and they fuck everyone including all the alpha males.
02:16:22.000
They just get fucked like chicks and here's a secret.
02:16:43.000
You're going to be able to do that at home with your own printer.
02:16:45.000
You're going to be able to figure out a printed artificial vagina that's just way tighter.
02:16:56.000
You're going to have chips in your body that tell your body what to do.
02:17:02.000
Nanobots, they're devising these tiny little itsy-bitsy blood cell-sized machines.
02:17:11.000
This is what they're going to eventually have someday.
02:17:15.000
So if you have a cancerous growth in your body, they'll be able to send these machines through your bloodstream to attack these sick areas of your body.
02:17:25.000
I mean, we're going to see some fucking nutty shit in our day, and a man turning into a woman is like the least of the nutty shit.
02:17:31.000
If we could stay alive, we could all in this room stay alive to 100, we're going to see some shit.
02:17:42.000
You were in the middle of a conversation in your own head, and you introduced it to us, and I said, but he hasn't cut his dick off yet.
02:17:51.000
Everybody's all excited, but he hasn't cut his dick off yet.
02:17:55.000
Well, because he is allowed to keep his penis and still be a woman, Joey.
02:18:13.000
Once you go to the farm and cut that motherfucker off, then you come see Uncle Joey.
02:18:17.000
Until then, once you go to the farm, then come back and see me.
02:18:37.000
He went through feminization surgery where they shortened his jaw and changed his lips and the whole deal.
02:18:50.000
He put a pussy in there, and he hasn't changed his jaw.
02:19:15.000
Like, look at these photos, like, close-up ones of the face, like, right there.
02:19:30.000
You know, when we were watching that interview, when he got interviewed by...
02:19:42.000
He was loving the opportunity to talk about himself and talk about having...
02:19:51.000
I love how he's trying to hide those giant canoe feet.
02:19:54.000
Get the fuck out of here with those size 38 flippers.
02:20:05.000
I mean, that is a very feminine looking man or woman.
02:20:10.000
I mean, in transition, she's very feminine looking.
02:20:19.000
When you're looking at something like this, this has been through more fucking computers.
02:20:27.000
We all know about the difference between what someone would look like in real life and someone would look like in like a super well done photograph like that.
02:20:39.000
If that's what she wants to do now, same thing we were talking about before about gay marriage, good for her.
02:20:44.000
If this is what she enjoys, I'm glad that she can be on the cover of a magazine and it could be a fun time for everybody.
02:20:54.000
When we were kids, this could have never happened.
02:21:04.000
It happened because I watched the report, and when it happened, it happened in another country, and we just didn't know about it.
02:21:11.000
Somebody like in 1940, and some American did it.
02:21:18.000
You know, when I was in Seattle, a young comic, we had Rita.
02:21:25.000
But she died because, first off, she had a lot of psychological problems that came after the surgery.
02:21:31.000
I loved Rita O. Rita O let me four in the house my first fucking headshot.
02:21:38.000
Rita died because her head was too fucking big from being a man.
02:21:52.000
It's like if Brad becomes a woman, his head's gonna be fucking ginormous and his balance is gonna be off from time to time.
02:22:00.000
Something happened after they did the surgery to him, to her, that her balance got taken off.
02:22:06.000
She died because she suffered a fall at a disco and banged her head.
02:22:10.000
Rita O was an open mic comic that used to run with us in Seattle.
02:22:16.000
I mean, nobody's going to fuck Rita O. Trust me.
02:22:19.000
Nobody ever thought of fucking Rita O. Her hands were fucking horrid.
02:22:40.000
And to make money, the government or the doctors gave her a certain amount of pills a month and she became a pill addict.
02:23:21.000
You know, I remember doing blow with her, like, and talking to her, like, at the comedy club, and her telling me, you know, as creepy as it was, that, you know, she would have to go see a shrink three times a week still.
02:23:32.000
What was the big, did she talk about what the big issue was?
02:23:39.000
Transition, you know, but she ate a lot of She did a lot of powder.
02:23:49.000
She even came down here to see me once when I was in LA at the Comedy Store, like in 99. And she died shortly after that.
02:23:56.000
She fell off the stage and went into a comb and died.
02:24:07.000
I've been in contact in my life with maybe two or three transgenders, you know, like on the streets when I was a kid in New York City or something.
02:24:24.000
Even after they did the surgery, something is always not right, Joe Rogan.
02:24:32.000
We're just throwing it around with these fucking idiots.
02:24:35.000
And they're going to start throwing it around like a tattoo.
02:24:39.000
That now every time somebody feels feminine, they're going to want to have this fucking surgery.
02:24:51.000
I get all this gender stuff, and I get it, man, that you're a woman, that you were born feeling this.
02:25:08.000
Those people that, you know, you ever go somewhere and you hear people talking, you know who's there?
02:25:16.000
I went to a restaurant once in Santa Monica and there was a guy behind me while I was eating.
02:25:28.000
This for this guy is something that he does to be accepted.
02:25:35.000
In six years, he'll have a wife and a kid living in Idaho and he'll be a farmer.
02:25:42.000
I feel a lot of that with people today in our society.
02:25:52.000
And that's why I tell people, before you go in there, Fucking think it over.
02:25:57.000
Whether it's hanging out with devil worshippers, or hanging out with drug dealers, or whatever the fuck you want to do, because once you're in, you're in.
02:26:04.000
You're going to end up kidnapping somebody with a machine gun.
02:26:10.000
There's people that, when I was a kid, Jimmy Balzano, who was my brother, I knew he was gay.
02:26:16.000
I knew he was slinging dick, but it took no fucking genius to tell you that my brother, I grew up in his house with his other three brothers.
02:26:25.000
If he came to me today and said, I'm a transgender, I would hug him and go, dog, since the eighth grade, I could tell you were a dick sucker.
02:26:31.000
I didn't have no doubts in my heart that you weren't going to suck dick, even though you were fucking girls in the neighborhood because you were so good looking.
02:26:40.000
You grew up with people that you look at and go...
02:26:43.000
Sometimes you go to the store and you see people that you go...
02:26:46.000
It's like when you see Eddie Murphy in person, you're like, this guy could be a fucking go-go dancer on the weekends.
02:26:56.000
I always said Eddie Murphy should win an Academy Award because when he's in the movie, he's a man of many men.
02:27:01.000
When you see Eddie Murphy in person, you're like...
02:27:11.000
I'm just telling the truth that as a man, you're around other fucking men.
02:27:16.000
You know who you might be able to talk into sucking a dick at three in the morning.
02:27:24.000
But you know one night if you have a pill and a quaalude, you might be able to talk to this guy.
02:27:31.000
You knew there's people like that, that they walk around, you know they'll suck a dick if they had to, if they got into a tight spot one night.
02:27:39.000
And that night in Hollywood, I really, and I felt bad about what I was thinking.
02:27:43.000
I felt this guy was just doing it so he could bowl with these guys on Tuesday nights.
02:27:47.000
You know, 20 years ago, what am I, the only retard in the room?
02:28:21.000
If you look around, we're all looking the same.
02:28:24.000
When you go to Silver Lake and do Malo, and you get on stage, look at the people, and 80% of people look the same.
02:28:30.000
They all got the same fucking glasses, the same tight jeans, the same tattoo of the Chinese sign.
02:28:43.000
You know, you wake up in the morning, walk into a studio for an audition.
02:28:51.000
And if you ain't got Starbucks, you ain't invited to the fucking party.
02:28:54.000
You see Starbucks raise their prices 20% again?
02:29:10.000
Who's impressed that you go to Starbucks over the coffee?
02:29:12.000
I go to Coffee Bean and they have better croissants.
02:29:17.000
In today's society, when we were growing up in Boston or Denver, you lived at your grandfather's in Newark.
02:29:26.000
And you went to a diner and you said, give me, what was it called?
02:29:29.000
Do you remember they used to have the Greek stuff?
02:29:42.000
But we didn't carry the coffee cups like a Budweiser.
02:29:44.000
It's like when you go out at night, you take a picture with somebody.
02:29:57.000
Let's put the butt so they can tell I'm drinking.
02:30:03.000
Everybody wants to fucking be cool and drink that fucking coffee.
02:30:07.000
Have you ever had someone look at your cup and go, what is that?
02:30:17.000
Why would you wait on that line when 7-Eleven got the same fucking call?
02:30:22.000
Listen, that Brazilian bold will keep you up for three days.
02:30:33.000
You ever drink Brazilian bold from fucking Dunkin' Donuts?
02:30:48.000
Go to Dunkin' Donuts and get that Brazilian fucking bold and come back and see me.
02:31:00.000
I don't even like Dunkin' Donuts because the coffee's too hot.
02:31:12.000
By the time I drive, they'll crash the fucking car.
02:31:14.000
So I need to make the crook at the fucking house.
02:31:28.000
Why do you think I leave the comedy store so fast every night?
02:31:31.000
Because I got to catch my Starbucks by midnight or I turn into a pumpkin.
02:31:36.000
Oh my God, I drink a flat white, a small one at midnight.
02:31:39.000
So you go right down the street to the one that's near...
02:31:48.000
Midnight and the driving is open till midnight.
02:31:55.000
You know, one of the things that I would do when I was writing is I'd make a fucking pot of coffee at night.
02:32:05.000
I'm going to, you know, big fucking French press.
02:32:23.000
But if I'm home, I'll corrupt that motherfucker.
02:32:29.000
I did cocaine for 30. A cup of coffee don't do nothing to Uncle Joey.
02:32:36.000
Because sometimes I'll have a cup of coffee and I'll get sleepy.
02:33:24.000
Did you guys listen to the new Apple Music radio station?
02:33:30.000
The fucking dude on KTLA said to stay away from it.
02:34:31.000
Is this going to not kick you off of YouTube and all that?
02:34:43.000
You gotta see the video and see what he looks like.
02:34:59.000
This is one of those songs you listen to over your grandmother's house.
02:35:19.000
Guys that are like rock stars and then they just stop.
02:35:28.000
He gets residuals from all this dough on the radio.
02:35:31.000
You know, with all this classic rock and all these serious and the same money we get from...
02:35:37.000
Who sends us a check once a quarter for our shit on the radio?
02:35:41.000
And Boulder, I used to be friends with a guy that was a radio police.
02:35:47.000
And what he did was he made sure that you got paid for your stuff.
02:36:21.000
Yeah, I'll take some sugar in this motherfucker, you know what I'm saying?
02:36:29.000
Stevia could really fuck up a drink if you're not paying attention.
02:36:48.000
How many sugars would you put in there normally?
02:37:31.000
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
02:37:43.000
This tastes like a guy that smoked bottle all night.
02:38:04.000
I do it about five after eight if the baby lets me go outside.
02:38:08.000
You stand outside for a couple minutes and just do Periscope?
02:38:18.000
Like today, the saying of the day was, either they're going to suck your dick or they're going to suck your dick.
02:38:28.000
And Confucius says, either you're going to suck my dick today or you're going to suck my dick tomorrow.
02:38:32.000
But you're going to suck my dick somewhere along the line.
02:38:35.000
That's how you have to leave the house in the morning.
02:38:38.000
I've got to fucking get myself fired up in the shower and let people know that when I'm going out there, somebody's going to suck your dick today, whether they want it or not.
02:38:48.000
Joey, do you ever have them delete any of your stuff?
02:38:53.000
I just do them and I fucking move on with my life.
02:38:58.000
You're showing up with some mad motherfucking sunshine in your heart and in your ballsack.
02:39:04.000
Like the man said, they got two options today, to suck your dick or to suck your dick.
02:39:13.000
You know, we've been waiting for 20 fucking minutes.
02:39:15.000
Now you want to show up a day late and a dollar fucking short?
02:39:20.000
We're going to open up today with the zombie weed.
02:39:29.000
I'm setting my alarm clock, and I'm going to be a part of this.
02:39:32.000
I usually watch you right when I'm going to bed.
02:39:39.000
I want to get one of those iPhone things for the car.
02:39:47.000
It's illegal to have a windshield mount in California.
02:39:54.000
No, if you go on the windshield, you do it on the dash, right?
02:39:58.000
They have the ones that snap into vents and kind of like that.
02:40:00.000
Oh, but it's not illegal to periscope while you're driving.
02:40:05.000
Yeah, because you're kind of not paying attention to the road.
02:40:07.000
But you are if you just turn it on while you're driving.
02:40:09.000
If you're parked, you turn it on and you go, okay, it's on.
02:40:13.000
I don't think they can stop you from doing that.
02:40:15.000
Because you could drive like that with GoPros, because that's how those shows get made.
02:40:18.000
Like Drive, that Drive channel on YouTube, I was with those guys.
02:40:22.000
Matt Farah, dude, he's got all these GoPros inside his car, so you could definitely do that.
02:40:26.000
I drive all the time, but I delete them right after.
02:40:49.000
Because I have this thing where I eat shitty food in the shower and like review it.
02:40:55.000
Like I had like a nacho bel grande and I was just drinking all the water and like a soup.
02:41:07.000
I don't know why, but it was available for like an hour and then they just pulled it and I don't know if it was...
02:41:12.000
I heard that people were upset at you that you were wasting water.
02:41:15.000
It's a six minute shower and I'm taking a real shower while I'm eating.
02:41:24.000
Well, I understand those complaints, but when I do a shower scope, I try not to shower for four days straight.
02:41:43.000
Because they're using millions of gallons of water.
02:41:45.000
Until you're shutting down the golf course, fuck off.
02:41:51.000
He's at least taken a combatory effort of entertainment and a shower.
02:41:56.000
I take two, three showers a day, and I take my time.
02:42:06.000
A little loofah with a Q-tip just to wash the barnacles around the muffler.
02:42:10.000
It'll get stuck in there, and you won't even know it's in there.
02:42:14.000
I didn't want to go in there with a dirty asshole.
02:42:21.000
When they stick the camera in there, look around.
02:42:35.000
I've got some tears, some small tears in my labrum.
02:42:39.000
So I've been going through Regenikine and physical therapy and all this different shit for it.
02:42:47.000
It's fascinating shit to feel your joints given out and to realize, this might have to get fixed.
02:42:55.000
It's not quite at the point where I've got to get it fixed.
02:42:59.000
It's weird because it's still strong, but it just gets sore after I use it.
02:43:03.000
And there's apparently some bone chips in there from jujitsu.
02:43:18.000
It's what Kobe Bryant, all these guys used to go to Germany for.
02:43:36.000
They're taking two big tubes and a couple small tubes.
02:43:38.000
They get that bass drum air fucking compressor, and they fucking banged it out of your blood.
02:43:44.000
That's why I didn't go to the thing, the Salvation Army.
02:43:56.000
I go to a doctor with some fake fucking excuse.
02:43:59.000
Because people, that's why women don't get heart attacks.
02:44:11.000
Because every month they need iron to make new fucking blood.
02:44:14.000
But we don't bleed like women, so that's why it's good when men go get blood.
02:44:18.000
Because then your body rejuvenates new fucking blood, even if it's four fucking ounces.
02:44:23.000
Then dudes who did coke would bleed more out of their noses, so they would probably live longer.
02:44:28.000
I'm telling you right now that the reason women don't die as many heart attacks as men is because they don't bleed out the fucking monkey.
02:44:34.000
I think the reason why they probably don't die as much is because they don't date as many women.
02:44:38.000
Sure, if you're over 40, go get blood once a month.
02:44:40.000
Just a couple tubes so your body starts from scratch.
02:44:43.000
I think when women are not dating women, it saves a lot of stress.
02:44:47.000
I think with this gay marriage thing, you're going to see a rise in heart attacks from women.
02:44:53.000
Once they get the bill from the lawyer, the alimony.
02:45:04.000
Melissa Etheridge was really funny when she was talking about that.
02:45:33.000
The car theater at the MGM with Tommy Segura and Tony Hinchcliffe in Vegas the night before the big fights.
02:45:51.000
But they did a punchline comedy night at a fucking backyard the other day.
02:45:57.000
They have some crazy community somewhere outside of Atlanta.
02:46:11.000
And they decided to have a comedy night at their...
02:46:16.000
What they did to the building or what happened?
02:46:17.000
I think they lost their lease, I'm assuming, but they've been there forever, forever.
02:46:23.000
Or they might have decided it doesn't make sense to keep the lease.
02:46:33.000
That was the green room that had a little sign on the wall that said, quit trying to be Hicks.
02:46:37.000
But you also got trapped there because you had the only way to enter or exit that green room was walking through the whole entire audience.
02:46:43.000
That's also the green room where Seth Petruzzelli fought Kimbo Slice, and I called the fight right before it happened.
02:46:50.000
Ken Shamrock got injured warming up for the first fight, and then all of a sudden, instead of Ken, Kimbo Slice had to fight Seth Petruzzelli, and I went, what?!
02:46:59.000
And as soon as I saw it, I'm like, oh my god, Seth Petruzzelli's going to fuck him up.
02:47:12.000
I'm like, dude, wait till you see what happens here.
02:47:16.000
Just as soon as the fight started, Petruzzelli knocks him out.
02:47:23.000
But I was like, if I didn't call it, you would never see this.
02:47:32.000
I always thought it was a back door or something to it.
02:47:34.000
Yeah, walking sucked, but that was part of the fun of that club.
02:47:52.000
Guarantee people know what the fuck you're doing.
02:47:54.000
When I used to bring you there, people didn't know what to make of you.
02:47:59.000
Well, you were in this position back then where either they got it or they didn't get it.
02:48:07.000
I was going up there coked up like from the night before, not even feeling it.
02:48:13.000
You know, when you have coke in your blood from the night before, dog...
02:48:21.000
Like, I would get high, like, Mondays, Wednesdays, and then the fucking weekend was coming.
02:48:28.000
And the first night, you'd have, like, a good show.
02:48:30.000
There's none that have a good show, but then I got a hold of that shit.
02:48:33.000
And then Friday was rough, and then Saturday was even rougher because you're more discommunicated.
02:48:42.000
So I would go up there, die, and then have to see those people, and I fucking hated them, and they hated me.
02:48:49.000
So for the longest time for you, that cocaine was like a real anchor around your neck.
02:48:56.000
I was telling my wife this morning, the whole 90s.
02:49:08.000
Listen, bro, like I told you, I have a fucking revenge gene.
02:49:14.000
You'd rather fucking get ten dicks up your ass than have somebody come to you and say, Joey Diaz died from an overdose.
02:49:22.000
I was not going to let people come up to you and go, see, I told you.
02:49:26.000
And I definitely didn't want my wife to find me on the floor.
02:49:32.000
Red Band would never be the same again if he found me on the floor.
02:49:38.000
God, because he doesn't have that DNA. Neither does this poor guy.
02:49:49.000
You would put it in perspective a lot quicker than Red Band could.
02:49:54.000
You're talking about him like he's not right there.
02:49:55.000
No, I'm not saying something bad about Red Band.
02:50:10.000
So what I'm saying is there's some people who could find a guy on the floor and live with it, and there's some people who can't digest it.
02:50:21.000
I definitely didn't want to die in a hotel room on the fucking road.
02:50:27.000
They got to go get you in the hotel room naked.
02:50:33.000
And some chick who left at 3 in the morning and then people are going to say, I told you, Joe Rogan.
02:50:43.000
I couldn't give them the satisfaction even after the fucking fact.
02:50:51.000
You got clean because you wanted to get back at the people that would have been happy if you died.
02:51:01.000
They would have loved to look at you in the face and go, I told you so.
02:51:06.000
That once they have an opinion, they live by it.
02:51:10.000
I've said I told you so a shitload of times now.
02:51:15.000
I get to say I told you so to a lot of fucking agents.
02:51:18.000
I've had some stupid conversations with people back in the day.
02:51:24.000
Where they were trying to tell me you weren't talented, you weren't funny.
02:51:28.000
Listen, man, when you're on the drug, when you're on any drug...
02:51:32.000
You get stuck in that emotional state where you started that drug, where that drug really became something else for you.
02:51:37.000
Listen, when we do, when I go right, when I leave now and I go to the pharmacist and I get Anivar, it starts off great.
02:51:45.000
Anivar is a steroid, a light steroid to get the burn victim.
02:51:49.000
Okay, but once I start seeing that, That thing.
02:51:53.000
When chicks start coming up to me and going, Joey, we love your arms and we love your back.
02:52:02.000
Well, when you start doing, you do a fucking line of coke because you're an emotional fucking wreck.
02:52:07.000
When you do it, you don't even know it at times.
02:52:09.000
You become an emotional wreck from any drug, those pills.
02:52:19.000
Well, you've always said that it shuts off your soul.
02:52:37.000
Oh, I could still throw some fucking heat if you caught me after two days, if I sat down with a notebook, but it wasn't.
02:52:52.000
I remember one time we worked together at Rascals, the West Orange.
02:52:59.000
And it was at the time when you made the transition.
02:53:03.000
You know how Nicole or Caitlyn Jenner, that was a transition?
02:53:07.000
There was a transition where you went from Joey Diaz, the guy who wants to be a comedian, to Joey Diaz, a great comedian.
02:53:18.000
You had this period of time where you were real hit and miss.
02:53:24.000
Sometimes you would bomb multiple sets in a row.
02:53:43.000
I remember, I think it was Tripoli and I were in the back by the back hallway.
02:53:48.000
And it was like one of the times where you just really started crushing.
02:53:51.000
And Tripoli was like, Joey Diaz is on another level.
02:54:04.000
Like, you went from being, like, a really funny guy offstage and an occasionally funny guy onstage, but often mediocre, to a monster.
02:54:16.000
Like, there was nights in the OR where you were destroying, and we were falling out of the backstage.
02:54:20.000
We would leave, like, laughing so hard, we would go down the back stairs, out into the hallway, and there'd be, like, two or three guys slapping their leg laughing.
02:54:56.000
But I showed her some ice cream and she went, oh, then that was our best friend.
02:55:23.000
Next week in Toronto and this week, Wednesday, Comedy Store with Steve-O. Good googly moogly.