Steve-O talks about his time in jail and how he got away with some pretty stupid things, including climbing a 150 foot tall crane to protest SeaWorld and getting into a fight with a SWAT team. Steve-O also talks about the time he was arrested for graffiti near SeaWorld in San Diego, California, and how his lawyer got him a deal that kept him out of jail for the rest of his life! Also, we talk about how he's been to jail before, and what it's like to go to jail for something so stupid, like graffiti, and why it's a good thing he didn't do it in front of a live audience. If you haven't heard of him, you're not going to want to miss this one, because it's pretty funny and pretty funny, and you'll definitely want to listen to this one! We hope you enjoy this episode, and if you do, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and tell a friend about it! And don't forget to share it on your social media and tell us what you think of it, so we can spread it around the world! XOXO, Brian and the boys! Cheers, Kevin and the crew at The Crew at The Jerks! See ya next week, Kevin & the Crew at the Jerks. -Kevin and the Crew. Steve - Kevin and The Crew - The Crew! - Kristian and the Jerk Crews at The Nerds Podcast Kevin & The Crews Logo by Kevin and Chris at the Crews @ The Jerkery Podcasts @ and The Jerky Crew @ @ . & the Jerky Jerks @ , at . . . and at the Shipyard at The Shipyard @ and @ & @ at SeaWorld @ on on SeaWorld at San Diego @ in Los Angeles, CA in this week's episode at , and @ SeaWorld San Diego at the San Diego Zoo at . , at 3:00pm on , San Diego , and much more! and his experience in Mexico City at 7:30pm at 7/14/7/30/19/8/9/19 at and how much he's going to get out of the pokey? Thank you so much!
00:00:48.000No, it was when we were in SeaWorld, I mean, San Diego, and you were doing the sign one, and it was when you were climbing up the sign, and you kept on falling.
00:03:15.000I never even had to go to court because they all worked it out.
00:03:20.000So they kept postponing my arraignment.
00:03:23.000And by the time the prosecutor and my lawyer finally worked out a deal, then when the arraignment was back on, they said, hey, we reached a deal.
00:04:03.000Maybe not five, but I've been to Canada, England, America, Sweden, and I'm not counting Mexico because that was more of a catch and release.
00:04:13.000Like they were fly fishing with no barb.
00:06:16.000I swallowed it in Norway and got in an airplane to Sweden, so that way I'm crossing international lines, you know, to qualify as an international drug smuggler.
00:06:25.000Then when I got to Sweden, you know, I was promoting my tour.
00:06:30.000Every interview, they'd say, like, oh, yeah, how you doing?
00:06:33.000And I said, oh, man, I think I might die of intestinal strangulation because I swallowed...
00:06:37.000This big package of drugs and it won't come out, you know?
00:06:41.000It didn't come out for like six and a half days.
00:06:43.000So every reporter wrote their article or whatever it was, and the cops read the newspaper.
00:06:50.000And so then they arrested me after I shit it out.
00:06:57.000And they took me to the jail, and they brought me from the jail to the hospital, put me in this CAT scan machine, which revealed, they said, a foreign object in my body.
00:08:13.000Well, yeah, I mean, I thought I might...
00:08:15.000Because, okay, now, when they brought me to the station initially, like, they put my backpack on the table, and they reached into it, and, like, the first pocket they reached into, the first thing they pulled out, was a fucking ecstasy pill.
00:09:47.000It means that I arranged, like, an assault.
00:09:55.000Well, what happened was, I was doing my old show, and part of it was I was chugging out of a tequila bottle throughout the whole thing, and I had the tequila bottle at the edge of the stage, and some kid climbed on the stage and grabbed the bottle,
00:10:14.000and I see these bouncers come over and just neutralize it, and I'm like, damn, these guys are good.
00:11:07.000And these three college football player bouncers, they just lifted him up in unison over their heads and just spiked the kid on his head on the stage.
00:13:15.000And I'm covered in blood, too, because part of the other part of the show, I would break a light bulb over my head and pick up a piece of broken glass and literally slash my tongue.
00:13:26.000Because the tongue bleeds so much and it heals really fast, so I just bleed all over myself and smear blood everywhere.
00:13:33.000And so I'm covered in blood, and I've got my dick and balls just blatantly out, and I'm holding the industrial staple gun, getting ready to staple my ball sack to my leg.
00:15:12.000See, the problem is, you give people a green light like that.
00:15:15.000You've seen some shit the bouncers have done to people.
00:15:18.000When people climb onto that stage, there's a green light.
00:15:21.000I mean, it's sort of like the cop thing.
00:15:24.000Did you see that recent video of the cop grabbing the schoolgirl?
00:15:29.000She's in her desk, she won't get out of her desk, and he just fucking ragdolls her and slams her in the desk on the ground.
00:15:36.000It's when cops have the green light, when they can do whatever they want to do, then you're leaving it up to the discretion of this guy that's probably not thinking that straight, a little stressed out.
00:15:45.000Yeah, I got beat up by a few bouncers.
00:15:47.000One guy grabbed me, took me out back, and just like pushed me against the wall and just kept on slapping me in the face and wouldn't let me go.
00:15:54.000And he like sat there for like 10, I was like 18, and he's just like wailing on my face.
00:15:58.000Then he'll be like, you gonna do that again, motherfucker, and then just like punch me in.
00:16:12.000But we left that club in Louisiana, and I knew I was going to hear about it again.
00:16:16.000And sure enough, it took a couple weeks, but I was sleeping off a cocaine bender, and my roommate says, Hey man, you really got to get up for this.
00:21:12.000Because if you hear, pack up your belongings, then what that means is, then you're going to pack all your shit into your tub and you're going into the fucking dungeon.
00:21:24.000What that means is that if you're in the dungeon down there, you're just not on camera down there.
00:24:35.000And I like to think, maybe it's such a coincidence, but I like to think that I got people started talking about it, you know, thinking about it, and then they were like, you know what, fuck those people.
00:26:48.000They say that they have dialects, you can tell their different accents, they recognize each other, they stay with the same family for life.
00:26:58.000That's why it's so fucked up when they take them away.
00:27:00.000You're stealing someone away, like a child, away from their mother.
00:27:30.000I grew up with a SeaWorld in Ohio, and it's really weird how, you know, growing up, they don't teach you that, like, hey, we captured these guys.
00:27:38.000You always kind of thought, like, oh, they're injured, and we helped them, and that's why they're here.
00:27:42.000It was always kind of like, oh, I like SeaWorld because I want to see these dolphins do good and be better.
00:27:49.000But after watching that movie, you realize, you know, it's the exact opposite.
00:29:10.000But they usually do it in the name of breeding.
00:29:13.000That's why female dolphins are super slutty.
00:29:16.000They're super slutty because they can't recognize lines of paternity, so they don't necessarily know whether or not the baby's theirs.
00:29:24.000So if they go up to a chick and she's got babies and they have never had sex with her, the female dolphins won't have sex until their baby has reached maturity, until their baby can swim away.
00:29:39.000So when the males come up to females and they have babies and they haven't had sex with the female, they'll sometimes kill the babies so that she'll have sex with them again.
00:30:18.000And we actually ran away from cops and got away.
00:30:21.000It was on New Year's Eve in 2003. I want to say it was 2003 turning into 2004. Did this big show and some fucking asshole got on stage and snuck up and sucker punched me while I was on stage.
00:34:01.000Special K through that 50 grand the first day.
00:34:06.000It's a weird thing, the Canadian thing.
00:34:09.000They live right next door to us, so they've got to be real careful about fugitives sneaking across the border.
00:34:16.000So they're super strict about any weirdness.
00:34:19.000Eddie Bravo, a long time ago, got pulled over, not even arrested, for having a legal...
00:34:26.000He used to work for a check cashing company.
00:34:28.000So he used to take these bags of cash around with them, and he had a concealed weapons permit.
00:34:33.000And so he gets pulled over by the cops, and he tells the cops, officer, I work for a check cashing company, I have a large sum of cash, and I also have a concealed weapon, and here's my permits here, my paperwork.
00:34:47.000And so they take him out of the car, they handcuff him, check his paperwork, they go, everything seems in order, you're free to go, and they let him go.
00:34:53.000So every time he goes to Canada, they bring up that.
00:35:31.000But every time he would go to Canada, before he was famous, we'd do the Montreal Comedy Festival together.
00:35:37.000Every time he'd go to Canada, they'd fuck with him.
00:35:39.000You know, Australia is the same way, man.
00:35:41.000Australia is maybe even harder to get into than Canada.
00:35:46.000And I'm not Australian, so when I go to Australia, I have to, with my visa application, I have to submit My entire criminal record, like, my whole history.
00:36:25.000You should have those four lines and a stripe for five every time you get arrested, like counting off the days in prison.
00:36:34.000Last year, a year and a half ago or something, I did a whole Australia tour, and I was putting it all together, and I made a YouTube video actually going through my whole official thing with all the paperwork, my criminal past or whatever.
00:36:52.000And at the same time, too, the Australian tour promoter wanted me to have a name for my tour.
00:37:03.000Like, oh, we'd like to have a name for the tour.
00:37:05.000And so I'm going through my whole arrest history.
00:37:08.000And so I told him, yeah, man, it's Steve-O Guilty as Charged.
00:37:58.000It's like a one-man show where it's totally stand-up, it's totally stories, and on story points throughout the show, I do super fucked up stunts.
00:39:40.000After I get done with all the back and forth, it's just really fucking funny to pull what kind of dick pics did you get from guys that you weren't hooking up with.
00:39:50.000Now clap if you got a dick pic from a guy that you were not hooking up with at all.
00:39:55.000Less, but still tons of chicks clapping.
00:39:58.000Okay, now I want you to clap really loud if you went on to have sex with that guy.
00:40:04.000I'm like, so it doesn't work, you know?
00:40:06.000And then I tell them, like, you know, and I just saw this thing recently, and so I just started doing it.
00:40:11.000Like, let's say, you know, I saw this funny thing online about dick pics, and it was so funny, I stole it.
00:40:18.000You know, it was one of these memes where a girl is saying, receiving a dick pic from a guy is just like her cat bringing her a dead mouse.
00:40:26.000She says, I can see that you are very proud.
00:41:02.000And so then I just say, really quick, because I don't like to fucking, I don't even, I'm not even comfortable doing this, but I'm like, I'll tell you two jokes, one you've heard of, one you haven't, but I stole them both.
00:41:15.000Did you hear what Greg Fitzsimmons is doing?
00:41:36.000But in this case, and it's November 21st, this month, at the Paramount Theater in Austin, I don't have the luxury of waiting to get there to fucking sell tickets because it's a fucking Showtime comedy special.
00:41:49.000We have to have that place sold the fuck out.
00:42:58.000But yeah, so in any case, I'll be smashing the cans.
00:43:00.000I do like the, you know, I've got like a couple bits like with the crowd work and then the fucking, you know, by the time, I'll even tell you the jokes.
00:43:42.000And, you know, I give, like, a super condensed, like, super hilarious, like, sort of fucking Genesis story of, like, you know, starting with, like, me in high school and getting copped and dealing drugs and, you know, like, and, you know,
00:45:09.000I know and like that's the thing it's like you know people were like when I was leaving the University of Miami It's like well, what are you gonna do now?
00:45:15.000And I'm like I'm gonna fucking videotape fucked up shit.
00:45:17.000I'm gonna I'm gonna be what year was this?
00:45:20.00093. So you had this idea in 93. Oh, yeah I was and even then I was like man like I had like special fucking skills, you know like I had I could like I was really fucking good at drinking bong water I didn't care how murky it was or whatever.
00:45:41.000Very few people have ever said, I didn't care how murky it was.
00:45:50.000And I was like, it was Miami, so I was like super into, I was like blow off class and I'd be like practicing jumping on the diving boards at the pool.
00:46:00.000And I'm like, I'm never going to be a diver, but if I jump strictly off of roofs of apartment buildings and shit into shallow pools, then it's badass.
00:46:44.000I'm gonna do like kind of a deluxe version for this one like I'm gonna start with like a can of hairspray I'm gonna like spray my like all the hair on my head like heavily with the hairspray I'm gonna climb on top of a table on the stage and And douse my arm with rubbing alcohol,
00:47:08.000Then I'm going to click a lighter and light my arm on fire, like just the rubbing alcohol on my skin.
00:47:14.000And a trail will go all the way up to your hair.
00:47:16.000Well, like a drop, like from when I pour it, like on the table there will be a puddle, and so like a drop will stay on fire probably, and then the table will be on fire.
00:47:26.000My arm's on fire and then like so I'm gonna use my arm as a torch when I do a front flip standing on top of the table and simultaneously as I do the front flip blow a fireball like off of my arm like which is a huge lamp oil goes crazy so like the lamp oil and as I'm flipping like the front flip my head like everything just goes right through the fire so when I crash on the table on my back now my head's on fire and so then I get up and like kind of like Like
00:47:56.000flail around the stage with my head on fire and my buddy comes running out with a mouthful of lamp oil and he comes running out to me and he uses my head as a torch and just you know blows a fucking huge fireball off of my head and and then Like we'll figure out how to put me out,
00:49:02.000Dude, I've done it in the fucking thousand places.
00:49:06.000Have you ever let anybody know beforehand on a podcast?
00:49:09.000I feel like a fucking flashback from Calgary coming in.
00:49:15.000It's like all the times you've hit yourself in the head with sodas, you've knocked out this pre-planning segment of your brain that's just shorted out like a bad fuse.
00:51:29.000Why do you think I have a fucking tattoo of myself on my back?
00:51:33.000You know, like everybody's favorite topic of conversation is themselves.
00:51:37.000I'm just like, I think that's hilarious and I'm cool with admitting it.
00:51:40.000But it just seems like if you were fucked up on drugs and you made this career of like getting hammered and going out and doing wild crazy stunts that got you injured and then you cut out the getting fucked up part.
00:52:03.000What's the most injured you've ever gotten?
00:52:06.000I threw myself off of a balcony at the University of Miami.
00:52:11.000After I dropped out, and then I came back and just lived there, even though I wasn't allowed to.
00:52:17.000And there was a keg party, and I was trying to impress this fat chick, and I was on the balcony, but I had taken too many pills and drank too much booze.
00:52:27.000And I'm telling this girl, this was in, I think it was January of 1995. And I'm telling this girl, I said, I'm gonna be like a fucking super rad stuntman.
00:52:38.000And we're on this second floor balcony and I tell her like, Okay, I'm gonna be this fucking gnarly stuntman.
00:52:46.000Imagine there's a fight on the balcony, and I get punched, and I'm pretending I get punched, and I just throw myself off the balcony.
00:52:54.000Now, I used to throw myself off the balconies all the time, but not when I was that fucked up and not when I was trying to pretend that I had been punched.
00:53:02.000So my whole game plan, the way I would do it, I did it different.
00:53:09.000with my hand and then let myself go I just spun over the railing and so I spun over the railing and landed on my fucking face on the bottom and I broke I have the CAT scans they're so gnarly like I broke my my cheekbone I broke seven teeth.
00:53:25.000I had 10 stitches in my chin, a concussion, and a broken wrist.
00:53:30.000That's actually pretty good, considering you fell onto what?
00:54:54.000And I stood right over the pool of blood.
00:54:57.000And I tried to pound a beer, but I couldn't because it hurt too bad.
00:55:03.000I couldn't eat or anything, and my sinuses would fill with blood, and then I would hawk it, you know, like you hawk a loogie, and then spit it out, and it was just blood loogies for like two weeks.
00:55:14.000I tried to eat applesauce, and I couldn't even fucking eat applesauce because I was so busted up, and so a bowl of applesauce sat next to my bed just with blood loogies in it.
00:55:48.000It was one of my front ones, and then there was one that didn't break, and then the one on the other side of that one did break, so it looked extra bad.
00:56:17.000And the night before the fucking dentist appointment where I'm going to get my teeth fixed is when I get fucking arrested for my first drunk driving.
00:56:27.000And so they fucking take me into Miami-Dade fucking county jail.
00:57:09.000You know, and the first thing I had to do was go and get naked and take a fucking shower in the back of this big cell with all these bunk beds and all these fucking creepy assholes.
00:57:37.000So I went to rehab in 1995. And I remember these fucking guys.
00:57:44.000One of the counselors says, yeah, 95% of all alcoholics die drunk of alcohol.
00:57:51.000Causes related directly to alcoholism, you know like most people like they don't get sober, you know like and I'm sitting there thinking man This guy's telling me like if I'd like really wanted to get sober I got a five percent chance.
00:58:03.000I'm like fuck that, you know So I stayed loaded like I just resigned myself to being loaded forever and it wasn't until like 13 years later I've finally got it.
00:58:35.000Johnny Knoxville steps in and goes, dude, you're too crazy.
00:58:40.000Yeah, you know you got a problem when that's your interventionist.
00:58:44.000What was going on that he had to step in?
00:58:46.000Well, I had this, like, fucking mass email thing, and I was, like, broadcasting my downward spiral in, like, fucking real time to, like, you know, 200 of the most, like, You know, influential fucking people in the entertainment industry who had the misfortune of giving me their info,
00:59:33.000My neighbor in this apartment building I lived in was always calling the cops because I deserved it.
00:59:40.000He was a lawyer, and I'm like an asshole, and I'm always making all this noise, so the cops were always coming.
00:59:46.000But typically they would get to my apartment and they'd be stoked.
00:59:49.000They'd be like, oh, no way, Steve-O, cool, man, have a good night.
00:59:52.000And so they would take off, you know, or I would play nice, but this guy's just fucking, his life was misery because of me.
01:00:02.000But the thing was that because I was such a fucking loaded asshole with all my fucking drugs and fucking being wasted, I just became particularly mad at him for always calling the cops on me.
01:00:17.000I'd, like, fucking take, like, a baseball bat and, like, pound his door or whatever, like, fuck you, call the cops, you know?
01:00:51.000Well, the thing was that I pounded enough and then I took a broomstick and fucking just pounded and pounded and pounded until I got through, you know?
01:01:00.000So now he calls the the cops and they actually have to arrest me for For whatever, for fucking vandalism.
01:01:09.000It was a misdemeanor, but I've now vandalized his property by pounding through the wall.
01:01:14.000So they come to arrest me, and this time it doesn't matter if they're stoked or whatever.
01:01:18.000And I'm so blown out on fucking ketamine, and I don't know what's going on, and I got a fucking bag of cocaine in my pocket.
01:01:33.000And a bag of cocaine in my pocket, and I'm out of my mind, and they're like, hey, we're taking you to jail because we have to arrest you for vandalism.
01:01:41.000And it's going to be cold, and so as a courtesy, you can go in there and put on a shirt and put on some shoes.
01:01:50.000And I'm like, fuck a shirt and fuck some shoes!
01:01:53.000Meanwhile, that would have been the perfect opportunity for me to go in, take the bag of cocaine out of my pocket, And I put on, you know, like it was a perfect opportunity, but I'm like, fuck that!
01:02:05.000So they take me to jail with no shirt, no shoes, and a fucking, and I get reared.
01:02:12.000They go through a property, you know, when they process you into jail.
01:02:15.000And so they pull out a bag of cocaine and they re-arrest me at the jail.
01:02:22.000So I'm in there for like three days or something and it's on the news and the apartment building's fucking over me even though I rented four apartments in the building.
01:03:00.000I mean, her job was just to tell people that she couldn't find me and constantly change my flights because I would always miss my flights, you know?
01:03:10.000She was like, travel agent at best, but I had an apartment for her, and then I had my bachelor pad, so it was four.
01:03:17.000And still, the fucking apartment's like, get the fuck out of here.
01:03:21.000When you're renting four apartments and then you still get evicted, like, that's when you know you fucked up.
01:03:25.000Well, especially when one of them was a skate park.
01:06:49.000But did you have out-of-body experiences or any experiences where you felt like you went into another dimension and trips, you know, the K-hole experience?
01:06:57.000Some of the experiences I had with ketamine, like...
01:09:15.000I say, with all the jackass guys on it, but of course, 200 high-power people in Hollywood need to know this.
01:09:24.000Hey, Knoxville and guys, I've got to be out of my apartment tomorrow.
01:09:29.000And I'm not fucking leaving my apartment.
01:09:32.000I don't want to fucking leave here until I jump out of my bedroom window.
01:09:36.000You know, it should be like a 25-foot drop onto the sidewalk.
01:09:40.000And I need you guys to bring something for me to land on, preferably a hot tub.
01:09:47.000I wanted to put a hot tub and cannonball into it out of my bedroom window.
01:09:52.000And in my sliding glass door in the living room, I could pull it open and I wanted to put a ramp in the living room and ride a motorcycle off the ramp through the sliding glass door and jump onto the roof of the gym.
01:10:05.000Could you imagine if you owned an apartment building and this motherfucker rents a spot there?
01:10:09.000Noxel makes fun of me about the sliding glass door because he's just like a three foot gap to the building next door.
01:14:42.000I feel like I just worked out after talking to Steve.
01:14:44.000You just had some new grass juice and a yoga class.
01:14:46.000I had to feel like a kale coming out my ass.
01:14:50.000Yeah, I mean, but whatever, like they said something else word like people are like that not people one guy I remember one guy like shit on the fucking ground and was like breakdancing in it like trying to like I mean, it sounds like I'm making it up.
01:15:19.000Dude, I mean, it looked like he was breakdancing, but he was, like, he took his shit and he was trying to smear it around as much as he could, and so it just looked like he was breakdancing.
01:16:59.000I'm reading it, and it's talking about...
01:17:02.000You know, like, hopeless alcoholics determined to die, and this and that, and then, like, they become, like, you know, they get better or whatever, you know, they become, like, the finest men you could meet.
01:17:12.000And I'm like, just remember reading and thinking, like, dude, what it's saying is, like, that the more hopeless, the more fucked up you are, the better the chance is for recovery, which is actually great.
01:17:24.000Because if you have, like, any inkling that, like, you can manage it, that you could get better, that you could stop on your own, then you're just straight up not a candidate.
01:18:01.000And then these guys come in and talk about alcoholism, and I wouldn't have fucking ever listened to a word they said, but I was locked up in a psych ward, and so I did.
01:18:10.000And I'm like, you know, thinking there's nothing I could do about it, but they told their stories and how they lived and I'm like, oh, well these guys can do it, you know?
01:18:18.000And so I was just like, my life is a fucking mess.
01:18:21.000I was in the psych ward long enough to be like, okay, my life's a fucking mess.
01:18:34.000And has there been any moments where you attempted to go off the wagon?
01:18:38.000I mean, sure, but I went from there, door to door, into a rehab.
01:18:46.000And I remember, because I knew from back in the day, the whole 95% of alcoholics don't get sober, the guy who was in charge of the rehab, and back then it was Dr. Drew.
01:18:58.000He was the chemical dependency director of this hospital in Pasadena.
01:19:23.000If I'm going to do this, I want to get it right.
01:19:24.000So I told Drew, however long you recommend that I... That I stay here, I want to stay significantly longer because I want to give myself an advantage.
01:19:36.000He said, that's great, but don't stay here more than 30 days.
01:19:39.000If you're really serious, go into a sober living, like a halfway house kind of a deal.
01:21:27.000I had fucking burned all my bridges, man.
01:21:29.000We weren't doing anything with Jackass.
01:21:31.000And anything else I had going on, I had a TV show which really did well in the ratings, but I was such a fucking nightmare that they canceled it just on the grounds that they did not want to fuck with me.
01:22:52.000Because he wouldn't pay somebody, one of my buddies, something I wanted them to get paid for.
01:22:57.000Which they weren't obligated to fucking pay in the first place, but I'm trying to ruin his reputation with all these on my fucking crazy email list.
01:23:07.000And that was what killed the show, despite the fact that it was number one in its fucking time slot.
01:23:35.000I mean, like, different kind of groups, like, uh, they take you out to various kinds of meetings, you know, like, um, You got, like, fucking little therapy bits, like, you know, whatever.
01:24:52.000And I did that when I'm filming Jackass 3D. I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta go fucking get launched into the fucking sky in a port-a-potty full of dog shit.
01:25:02.000I might be a little bit late for curfew tonight.
01:26:55.000But, like, there's just not, like, you know, like, relationships gone sideways is, like, the number one fucking thing that makes people get loaded, you know?
01:27:16.000Like, we were, like, it lasted for, like, ten months.
01:27:20.000So when you're in there, you're in there for 30 days, this is the hardcore version, and then you go from the 30 days to a living situation?
01:30:04.000And it says in some of the literature, man, it says that the inventory process will bring about self-loathing for a lot of people when we take an honest look at the fucking pieces of shit that we became.
01:30:32.000When I'm helping guys get sober, I try and tell them, look, man, this isn't a process of putting you on trial, man.
01:30:38.000This is just fucking figuring out what to stop doing.
01:30:42.000And that's the best thing I can say about it.
01:30:44.000But when I was in that second psych ward, like...
01:30:49.000I wrote some letters to people who have felt the most fucked up about what I'd done.
01:30:53.000And it actually kind of turned around where I was like, today I'm fucking so thankful for the shit that I did that I felt that bad about because no longer is it like, oh, I don't deserve to live because I did that.
01:31:10.000For me today, I'm desperate to not be that asshole anymore.
01:31:17.000When I first went in, I thought, man, this is going to be my new thing.
01:31:26.000I'm going to revive my career a little bit.
01:31:27.000But once I got through that point of The fucking, you know, the dust settling and me being able to, me being confronted with what I had turned into, then it wasn't even about what can I get out of it,
01:32:47.000Well, one guy just said that he was on call to edit whatever footage that I wanted edited to help me broadcast my downward spiral, basically.
01:32:59.000I put some really upsetting videos out there.
01:33:02.000So the people that you were living in the assisted situation, this is post the major rehab, right?
01:33:08.000You were in the major rehab for 30 days, and then you were in the apartment.
01:35:19.000They'll ask you, will you be my sponsor?
01:35:22.000And so when you have a sponsor, they call you up in the middle of the night, hey, I'm thinking about doing heroin, like that kind of thing, talk them down.
01:36:13.000To say totally sober, I mean, you're totally sober as long as you're not loaded.
01:36:17.000Right, I mean, totally sober like you are right now.
01:36:20.000Like, you're not doing any drugs, you have no plan.
01:36:22.000One guy got all the way through the steps, but then he's drinking again, so, you know.
01:36:27.000I got one guy that's been all the way through the steps that's still in.
01:36:31.000Do you think, are you one of those people who thinks that if you were a junkie, that you have to be sober forever?
01:36:37.000Like, you can't go back to, like, say if you had a heroin problem, you can't drink.
01:36:43.000They say once you become a pickle, you never go back to being a cucumber.
01:36:49.000So yeah, like, there's no, if I pick up a drink or a drug, I'm fucked.
01:36:54.000I'll pick up exactly where I left off.
01:36:57.000And then all I want is to make sure I'm doing enough drugs that people are walking around my fucking apartment, my house, who are not actually there.
01:37:07.000But I know people that used to be like heroin addicts that can have beer, they can smoke a little weed.
01:37:13.000Yeah, they can get away with it, man, then power to them.
01:39:59.000Oh, jeez, there's a whole other house in here.
01:40:02.000Yeah, it was like, they want 1994, like whatever, January of 94. And they wanted to pass this drug through the FDA called ractopamine hydrochloride.
01:40:23.000It would increase the muscle mass, decrease the fat, but it would work the opposite way of steroids somehow.
01:40:31.000It was so that they could appeal to a more health conscious market.
01:40:36.000They could sell leaner meat, less fat.
01:40:39.000But the thing is that if it's going to become legal, then by the virtue of the fact that when people eat the meat, They're going to get a minute trace of this drug in the meat.
01:40:49.000Now they have to not only test the drug on people, but they have to test how much can the people withstand of that drug.
01:42:25.000Yeah, that was in Austin, Texas at this place called Pharmaco LSR. You know, I told you I got in the van with that guy, and we drove out to Northern California to Lake Tahoe to try and get jobs washing dishes at Squaw Valley to get free snowboard passes.
01:42:39.000But it wasn't snowing so then we went to fucking Colorado and I got a job like cleaning a meat room at a supermarket and that sucked so I got one with this other dude and drove to Austin, Texas and slept on a roof until we got into the medical study and then we left with two grand.
01:43:24.000I would eat all her food, and I wouldn't fucking work, and I had no money, and if I did have money, I was loaded, and I was loud.
01:43:30.000So when my sister found out about Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Billy Clown College, she's like, dude, this could be the way to get my brother the fuck out of my house.
01:45:22.000I told you, the history is super condensed, so that it's funny.
01:45:33.000When I say about how I graduated from Ringling Brothers and Barnum& Bailey Clown College, I wasn't one of the clowns who got a fucking contract with the circus.
01:45:43.000So I had to borrow money to get a fucking Greyhound bus back to Albuquerque, New Mexico, where I hung my fancy clown costume in the fucking closet.
01:51:33.000It's better, too, if you take them yourself because that way when the flash goes off, you turn the camera around and you can show the people their pictures so they can see it for quality control.
01:53:03.000You go to my fucking website, and I explain it real easy, and I say it.
01:53:07.000And one last thing, if you want to get out of here a little quicker, the good news is I'm a New York Times bestselling author, and I've got my fucking book, and I've got my fucking hats, my shirts.
01:53:17.000And if you guys want to get any of this shit, Then that puts you to the front of the line.
01:53:22.000So I have a merch line and then a photo.
01:53:34.000I'm still going to take a picture with every single fucking person.
01:53:37.000It's just that I'm going to take a picture with the people who buy merch first, you know?
01:53:41.000And so, like, a lot of people would be like, oh, well, fuck, man, like, I don't want to, you know, and I tell them, like, if you don't want to get anything, that's great, but please just, like, hang out, like, have a drink, whatever, like, just fucking stick around and get that picture so I can thank you in person.
01:53:56.000And a lot of people will think, like, man, like, you know, I want to get a picture, you know, I don't really want to buy anything, but, like, fuck, I'll just buy something to get the fuck out of here.
01:54:05.000So, like, you end up selling, like, way more merch, you know?
01:54:09.000And nobody feels like you're a dick, you know?
01:54:11.000You still stick around and take a photo with every one of the fuckers.
01:54:15.000The only problem with selling things is you gotta deal with people like, $20, dude!
01:55:19.000But in any case, I'm so excited, man, that you have like as much of a reach as you do, man, because I really, we gotta fucking get this Paramount Theater in Austin fucking packed, man.
01:55:29.000That show is gonna be like, that's my showtime special.
01:55:32.000Well, you're gonna leave here and your phone is gonna be buzzing off the hook with your manager going, did you say you were gonna light the Paramount on fire?
01:55:50.000There was like 23 people that just died recently fire on stage.
01:55:56.000It just happened again where two people in the band even died where Yeah Was it Sweden or something happened?
01:56:06.000It sparked on the side of the stage and immediately the whole place caught on fire.
01:58:13.000I don't really give a fuck if people drink around me, but the weed, because I'm breathing it in, the problem is it fucking smells great, man.
01:58:20.000Who doesn't love the smell of weed, you know?
01:58:22.000It smells great, and I do believe secondhand smoke gets you high.
01:58:25.000I don't think it gets you as high as smoking pot, but I think secondhand smoke still affects you.
01:58:30.000Yeah, I don't even want to fuck with it.
01:59:59.000I just, like, honestly, man, I was like, fuck, dude.
02:00:02.000Like, I believe that you're married, right?
02:00:04.000And it's like, I really believe that, like, to be, like, happy, you know, like, it's important to fucking have a life partner and not run around trying to fuck everybody and screwing them over, you know?
02:00:26.000So on my fucking path, and once I got into the meditation, I've been doing transcendental meditation for two and a half years now, and once I got into that, it was just glaring like a fucking flashing red light.
02:00:40.000Stop fucking screwing over chicks, you know, and fucking using them up and throwing them away.
02:00:45.000And just like, you know, like, and whatever, if I'm on the road, like, fucking hooking up with all the chicks, it's just like, it just became clear, like, that's pretty much like a path to being fucking miserable.
02:00:56.000Yeah, for sure, because it's like anything else.
02:00:58.000So, like, you know, I've made myself, like, a promise.
02:01:01.000I'm like, okay, from now on, I want to fucking learn how to be in a healthy relationship because I feel like that's how I'm going to be happy, and so I'm going to fucking, from here on out, I'm not going to I'm not gonna fuck random chicks.
02:01:11.000I'm not gonna stop trying to get my dick sucked everywhere.
02:02:13.000Which is hilarious, because my whole story arc is pretty epic to go from where I was at to where I'm at now.
02:02:24.000You know, at the end, I think at the end of the show I'm gonna have to fucking break out my old lightbulb trick and fucking slash my shit and bleed everywhere.
02:02:33.000Just because, like, to fucking, to try to fucking, like, by the end of my fucking show, it's like, okay, so now I'm like a fucking vegan and, you know, like, trying not to get my dick sucked, you know, like, clean and sober, like,
02:02:49.000fucking healthy eater, you know, meditating.
02:02:51.000Like, the least I can do is fucking...
02:05:46.000And also, they've talked to me about getting an operation when they take out your adenoids and your tonsils and It's pretty intense, and it sucks for like a week, but then after it's over you have a larger hole, and that larger hole's better for sleeping, but this mouthpiece serves me well.
02:06:15.000I got a fucking big fucking water pitcher.
02:06:18.000Next time I bet on the floor, so I just pick it up and piss into it and put it back down.
02:06:22.000My friend Matt Serra, who's a former UFC welterweight champion when I first met him, He had this gym in Long Island, and he used to sleep in the basement of his gym.
02:06:32.000He used to teach and then go downstairs and sleep.
02:06:33.000And he had this jug right next to the bed, because fighters would drink gallons of water in a day.
02:06:39.000They'd drink water all the time and flush their system out, and he would just whip his dick out, stick it in the hole.
02:06:44.000He'd go with his accent, he goes, I didn't even get out of bed!
02:06:47.000I would turn sideways, put my dick in the hole, piss.
02:11:25.000I love Greg, but I think it's misguided.
02:11:27.000For folks who don't know what we're talking about, Greg has decided to start stealing Bill Cosby's material and doing it openly.
02:11:34.000So he does these classic Bill Cosby bits, and then he lets everybody know in the middle of it that he's stealing Bill Cosby's bits to take away from him what is most precious.
02:11:45.000But it doesn't really work because if someone tries to steal some shit off of like Shiny Happy Jihad or something like that, it's already on CD. I did it in fucking 2006. If you're stealing, you're not taking anything away from me.
02:12:01.000You're just selling yourself short by stealing.
02:12:04.000So if Greg does Bill Cosby's material, you don't ever take it away from him.
02:12:44.000Bill Cosby would be super psyched on that because it's like, wow, I'm getting credit for being funny, and it's distracting people from me being a racist.
02:12:53.000It's like, wow, there's actually something good about Bill Cosby.
02:13:41.000It's insane to look at it that way, that this guy, Mr. Huxtable, you know, the fucking guy from the TV show, the guy who had the squeaky clean comedy, the guy who did the bit about, you know, the football players saying, hi, mom, to his son on TV. This guy was like wholesome Mr. America in a sweater.
02:14:00.000But none of these girls, like, the next morning go, God, what the fuck happened?
02:14:07.000This is all, you know, kind of, like, wishy-washy, like, yeah, I kind of felt weird that night, but no one really went right to the police, though, did they?
02:14:20.000It seems like a lot of people just kind of, I don't know.
02:14:22.000Well, listen, man, if you're a girl, okay, look at it this way.
02:14:25.000You're some young girl who's trying to make it in show business, and you get brought into his office because he knows your parents or something like that.
02:15:04.000It seems like if that were to happen, though, like, four hours later, this girl's going, like, I just went there for an interview, had a cappuccino, and he fucked me.
02:15:14.000Because I think, what I was going to say is, these are young girls that are probably completely overwhelmed that they're even in his presence.
02:15:21.000Like, they can't even believe that they're meeting Bill Cosby.
02:15:48.000If a girl like that, if that happened today, a girl could go on her Facebook page and say, today I went on an audition with Bill Cosby and he drugged me and raped me.
02:16:25.000So, this did go to cops, and it didn't go out to the public.
02:16:31.000So, it's like, it's not kind of weird.
02:16:34.000It's just the amount of power and money this guy...
02:16:36.000I mean, Bill Cosby's like a billionaire.
02:16:38.000I mean, the amount of money that guy has is insane.
02:16:41.000And the amount of power that kind of money has...
02:16:44.000Where you're talking about just teams of lawyers that just try to figure out any sort of attack that they could do to try to mitigate any of the issues that are going on with people accusing him of all this crazy, you know, rape shit.
02:17:09.000One of the weirdest things that he said, he did this one interview, and he said, in all my years of show business, I've never seen anything like this.
02:18:18.000And then there's also people with fear of being blackballed.
02:18:22.000You know, being blackballed from show business when you're a struggling actress and you're barely getting by, the difference between Bill Cosby talking badly about you and accusing you of being a liar.
02:18:32.000Like, who's gonna listen to you and who's gonna listen to him?
02:18:35.000They gotta think that most people are gonna listen to Bill Cosby, and that could wreck your career before it ever gets started.
02:20:39.000I remember an old bit I saw you do about if your son came home from school and told you that his teacher sucked his dick, how pissed you would be.
02:21:52.000Fuck the KKK. Fuck all those crazy fucking Stone Age assholes who give a shit about the origin of birth of your great-great-great-grandparents.
02:22:06.000It's going to be interesting, though, because supposedly there's some Ferguson police that are involved in this, and the whole list officially gets released, I think, next week or this week.
02:22:32.000I mean, seeing you go from being this wild, crazy, ketamine-snorting psychopath, jumping off roofs and shit and damaging your body to being this vegan who's trying to live a kind life and trying to be nice to people and you don't want to...
02:22:50.000Randomly hook up with girls because you want to have a meaningful relationship and you're taking care of animals and fuck SeaWorld.
02:22:57.000It's really amazing to see you become this.
02:23:01.000Yeah, you know, I mean every once in a while I got to do something pretty fucked up just to make sure that I'm not a total pussy.
02:23:09.000Well, I didn't meet you until you were sober.
02:25:56.000He definitely did more damage because he didn't have the benefit of growing up falling off a skateboard, sort of learning how to fall down.
02:27:50.000But you really have a real strong appreciation for stunt people when you do something like that.
02:27:55.000Because I go, well, I got through this, luckily, without getting hurt.
02:27:58.000But if I had to do this every fucking day or every week, Some new thing where you've fallen off of a building or jumping off of a fucking moving car.
02:28:08.000The potential for damaging yourself is super high.
02:28:11.000When you hear about those people dying, it's always like some movie that no one's gonna give a fuck about.
02:28:16.000Some racing motorcycle scene, a Steven Seagal movie, and someone dies, you know?
02:28:21.000When you watch those crazy action movies, think about that.
02:28:24.000Appreciate the fact that those people, they literally put their physical health and their life on the line for your entertainment.
02:28:31.000I didn't think about it too much until I just fucked up and fell a few times on a bike in a movie.
02:28:39.000Those guys do it on purpose all the time.