Bill Burr is a comedian, chef, writer, podcaster, and all-around great dude. We talk about how he got started in comedy and cooking, and how he's one of the best cooks in the whole wide world. We also talk about what it's like to be a chef on the Food Network and what it was like growing up in the 90s and early 00s, and why the food network is a waste of space. And we talk about some of our favorite chefs of all-time, from Mario Puzo to Guy Fieri to George St. Pierre. It's a jam-packed episode that you don't want to miss! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Music on this episode was written, produced, and performed by Zapsplat. We are working on transcribing this episode and putting it on a website. Please don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, and subscribe to our other episodes! If you like what you hear, please consider rating, reviewing, and/or subscribe to this podcast by clicking the link below. It helps us spread the word about what we are doing! Thank you for all the love, support, and support us! Cheers! -Jon Sorrentino. Jon & Matt. Timestamps: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 34. 35. 36. 37. Intro Music: Theme Song: Theme Music: "Goodbye" by Skynyrd (feat. & Other Music by Jeff Perla (featuring: "I'm Too Effing Goodbye" by Squeen ) & "Good Morning, Good Morning, My Name by ) & (Feat. ) by Suneaters Music by and . & ) Music by Ian Dorsch ( ) & ( ) & (Goodbye, My Girl ( ) .
00:00:43.000And I thought it had too much salt in it and stuff, so when I bought the big green egg, Which is this insane thing that it's impossible to fuck up on.
00:00:51.000Yeah, I'm actually learning how to smoke me.
00:00:53.000This guy's been helping me out, and I've just been on the road, so I'm going to try starting back up again this month.
00:01:05.000Yeah, but the crust, the one from the big green egg is the recipe that I use, which is two scoops of flour, an eighth of a teaspoon of salt, and then it's like a whole stick of butter.
00:01:15.000And then there's a little bit of shortening, like the Crisco shit in there.
00:04:49.000I would wake up after doing spots late at the cellar and all that.
00:04:53.000I mean, Rebecca, I was living with like...
00:04:54.000It was after I lived with Bobby Kelly, but, you know, we'd stay out late and shit.
00:04:58.000And I would sleep till like fucking 11 and I would wake up and rather than watching like The Price is Right or some shit, I would just pop that on and I don't know, just watching him was interesting and then I learned, I just learned how to cook, you know, making fucking pasta from scratch,
00:05:28.000Like, I made a key lime pie and I fucked it up because they want a little bit of the, I think it's called the rind, which is just a little bit like the zest of the lime.
00:05:37.000And I didn't know what I was doing and I went too deep and I got to the white part and that's when it gets bitter and it fucked the whole pie up.
00:06:06.000Yeah, well, just because I don't give a fuck about it, and you can screw up on that.
00:06:10.000Like, I try to learn how to rebuild a carburetor, and rather than doing the one on my truck, the 68 F100, I bought the same carburetor off of eBay that was fixed, and I just took it apart.
00:06:21.000And then try putting it back together.
00:07:31.000You know, hobbies and shit ends up informing, like, characters and shit or points of view and stuff like, you know, like shit I used to buy into that, you know, the flyover states, people down the south, down south are dumb, all that stupid shit that people on the coast thing.
00:07:44.000And then you go there, you're like, wait a minute, these people are fucking cool.
00:08:07.000Yeah, but it also, it depends on how you use any information you get.
00:08:12.000Like, if you just wanted to reinforce it, like the joke I always do in my act is everybody just goes to I'mRight.com and just reads a bunch of facts and then just throws it at people.
00:08:21.000But, I mean, I'm guilty of that too, but...
00:08:25.000I have faith, but like watching the kinds of people that have been coming out of the woodwork in this latest election, you know, a couple of those guys, like watching...
00:08:38.000No, just watching like, I would say, what's his face there, Donald Trump, the way he bullies the media and what pussies they are, how they just back down, they really just back down.
00:08:49.000All you gotta do, every now and then you just gotta give him shit back.
00:08:52.000He just gives them shit, and they just fucking sit there and take it.
00:08:55.000At first it was funny to me, because I used to love watching...
00:08:59.000Bill Parcells was one of my favorites to watch when he would do...
00:09:04.000Coach of the Giants and Patriots, Cowboys, a bunch of places he was at.
00:09:22.000And he took charge of it because I... That's one of the ones where I'm rooting for the guy.
00:09:27.000Because I feel like this is a bunch of nerds who maybe they played varsity fucking baseball.
00:09:33.000The way they come at him, like, well, why'd you do this?
00:09:36.000Now that they know the result was something bad.
00:09:38.000I like when he's giving them shit, but like...
00:09:41.000I just, you know, some of the shit that, just watching him, I like that he's going back at him, but the way that they just are backing off him, like, oh, I didn't know he was going to make me look stupid.
00:10:14.000And I think, like, he's really—it's fascinating.
00:10:18.000He's, like, exposing, you know, that—I don't know.
00:10:23.000It's like that Wizard of Oz thing, that there's just a little guy behind—they just have the one question, and they're waiting for you to stammer.
00:10:29.000And if you kind of throw the—hit the ball back in their court— I just don't think they're ready for it.
00:10:34.000They're not ready for that kind of a personality.
00:10:38.000But like, some of the racist people and shit, you know, whatever the fuck was going on in that conference room, I'm not saying the black dude was 100% in the right.
00:10:55.000Yeah, and shit went sideways, and then the next thing you know, there's a bunch of, you know, eight white people on top of the black dude, or whatever, so I don't know.
00:11:04.000I don't know what happened, but all I know is the quote that I read on this site was, you know, was the politician guy there, Trump, going like, well, you know, maybe he should have got roughed up.
00:12:26.000I would think that a lot of the complaints, legitimate complaints, that being oppressed, their natural resources are being pulled out of their countries and they're not getting the money for it.
00:12:36.000But to then blow up innocent people, go in and shoot them, it kills your fucking message.
00:12:42.000What you really need is a documentary by some bleeding heart person.
00:12:46.000I think would do way more than a dirty bomb or whatever the fuck it is they're trying to achieve because it just makes you think like...
00:12:54.000No matter what their point is, it's just like, yeah, but how could you do that?
00:12:57.000Yeah, I think what their point, what they're trying to do, if I had a guess, is they're trying to get people to not like any Muslims, to hate Muslims, because there's like 1.6 billion Muslims.
00:13:07.000If they can make it about Muslims and not just about ISIS, or just about one terrorist group, and separate people to the point where everyone is just attacking people that are of Islamic faith, then they have a holy war.
00:13:41.000Yeah, and I watched it and I was just like, if you can't see your own religion in this, if you don't see the beginning of your own religion in this, the only thing that fucks Scientology is this video of the dude.
00:13:55.000If that guy started it in like, I don't know, 1800s, they'd still give him shit because it'd be a newer one.
00:14:00.000But the fact that there wouldn't have been video of this fucked up teeth looking redheaded dude on some broken down boat...
00:14:10.000Like, if there wasn't video of that, like, I think people could really see...
00:14:15.000I mean, dude, my background, my religion, I mean, the shit that we have done, it's like everything that they're saying that every Muslim is doing right now, it's like, well, we've done that in spades.
00:14:26.000And it wasn't a couple of extremists, it was the leaders...
00:15:06.000It's just too small an island or too small a country.
00:15:08.000If it was a big country like the United States and they made shit like that, it would be pretty impressive.
00:15:12.000One of my favorite quotes from a German general said, One Tiger tank was worth four American Sherman tanks, but the Americans always had five.
00:15:26.000Like fucking quarter pounders with cheese.
00:15:29.000It is crazy when you think about the fact like Audi, Mercedes, BMW. Like BMW used to make jet engines.
00:15:35.000Yeah, and that technology was in their tanks.
00:15:38.000Dude, when I was, I mean, the shit I've been reading is like when American soldiers killed somebody German, they dropped the American gun and picked up the German.
00:17:06.000Well, finally the cars they're making today, like the new Z28 or the new Camaros, the new Corvettes, the new Mustangs, they actually handle.
00:17:16.000Well, so much of it was the suspension.
00:17:18.000Once we actually put some money, because all we would do is just be like, what the fuck can this thing hold in this engine bay?
00:17:26.000Which automatically is stupid because you're adding weight there.
00:17:28.000But we would just stick, as far as I've seen, we would just stick that in there and it was all about doing the quarter mile or something like that blowing somebody off at a fucking red light.
00:17:37.000Even as recently as the 2013 GT500 Shelby, I think it was like a 60-40 weight balance.
00:17:43.000Like 60% front end because it was all engine.
00:17:57.000Porsche puts the engine in the rear, but they do that for traction, because the engine sits over the back wheels, and it helps you get off the line faster, and it helps you when you're going around corners to hit corners faster.
00:18:45.000Well, I forget how it went, but it was just something to the effect that Germany, how small they were, like they were basically the size of the state of Maine, and they tried to take over the world, and he goes, and they almost did it.
00:18:58.000That's just fucking like, yeah, they almost did it.
00:19:02.000It is amazing that one country produced so much engineering.
00:19:05.000The automotive engineering that came out of that one spot.
00:19:08.000To this day, the biggest car companies in the world, Porsche, Mercedes, Audi, BMW, all those are German.
00:19:43.000The whole Nazi, like, Werner von Braun, the guy who ran NASA, the Simon Wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive today, they would prosecute him for crimes against humanity.
00:20:06.000So this guy could build rockets, and he was also into that shit?
00:20:10.000Because I always felt like with Germany, it was like, you're the scientist, you're under this flag, so you've got to work with these guys who are going to kill you.
00:20:17.000I didn't know that you could actually be an egghead like that.
00:20:20.000Usually scientists, they understand that human beings are human.
00:22:08.000I saw them at the old Boston Garden because it was...
00:22:11.000WBCN had this thing where they had two stages going and they just had all these, like every fucking band, like the Spin Doctors and just all of these guys and then Phish closed it.
00:23:14.000I get why people could get sucked into this, because what was cool was there was a ton of people there, but there was no violence vibe there.
00:23:23.000There wasn't like, oh, hey, watch out for that guy.
00:23:25.000Everybody was just really fucking cool and going nuts and was beyond excited that they were there.
00:23:31.000But once again, it wasn't really for me.
00:25:36.000The holidays were awesome when I was growing up, so I moved so far away from everybody I know that, you know, I just got all the recipes, so I was like, I want to know how to make this.
00:27:44.000You know, just slow cook a chicken, like at, you know, 200, 200 degrees, 250. And just, you know, have some wood burning, a little charcoal as well.
00:27:52.000I just realized, is this only interesting to us?
00:27:54.000Like, we're fucking disappearing down this rabbit hole.
00:28:00.000I'm interested in things that people are interested in.
00:28:02.000Like, when I hear you talk about helicopter, being a helicopter pilot, I've never wanted to fucking fly a helicopter until I hear you talking about it.
00:28:21.000I think the best comic, you gotta be...
00:28:23.000You have to have a general interest in shit.
00:28:26.000You can't be like, I'm into this, this, and this, and then that's fucking it.
00:28:29.000And then your act's gonna look like that.
00:28:30.000You're gonna have like two, three fucking subjects.
00:28:33.000You're gonna dry up like, ah, I can't come up with a new hour.
00:28:36.000It's like, because you're not challenging yourself.
00:28:39.000You gotta go out and try something new.
00:28:41.000You try something new, you're gonna fuck it up, you're gonna feel stupid, and then you're gonna get a story, you're gonna get something out of it, so...
00:28:49.000Yeah, I drive my wife a little nuts with the...
00:28:52.000I'm trying to learn how to fucking relax a little bit more, but I can't like...
00:30:46.000Well, sometimes that'll be 15 minutes.
00:30:48.000But I get it, because I, you know, I'm obviously obsessed with MMA, so I get it.
00:30:53.000I just don't follow regular, I just don't have enough time.
00:30:56.000I just know that if I got into sports, like if I got into football, and I had a buddy of mine try to get me into football, he watched an awesome Super Bowl game once, and I was like, wow, this is amazing.
00:31:05.000I don't have the time to follow all the games and pay attention to all the shit.
00:31:08.000That's what I always ask people when they go, I'm not into sport.
00:31:11.000I'm like, Jesus, I go, what do you do with all your free time?
00:31:13.000Because the amount of time that I spend, You know, just looking at the standings, seeing who's doing what, and then it makes me think back when I was a kid, I gotta look up this player, and then I gotta see, like, all-time...
00:31:29.000I love that about the internet, that you can look up, like, the all-time leading pass rushers or quarterbacks or something, and then they'll have highlighted the guys who are still playing, and he's like, oh, this guy's, like, 100 yards away from passing this guy.
00:31:40.000Let me watch the game and see if they bring it up.
00:31:42.000That he just passed fucking slinging Sammy Baugh.
00:31:45.000Have you ever thought about doing commentary?
00:32:13.000I have that same problem with the UFC, but I've been around for so long, I kind of get away with it in some sort of a weird way, but probably not forever.
00:32:21.000It's probably going to come a point in time.
00:32:26.000Not during the fights, but sometimes outside the fights, I'll talk about...
00:32:31.000Fighters or fights or things and I'll say something ridiculous because, you know, especially like Tony Hinchcliffe and I got in trouble recently because we were talking about this woman Chris Cyborg.
00:35:01.000I remember a long time ago when Mr. Show was on the first time seeing Bob Odenkirk on stage and he was like towards the end of like the fifth season or whatever they did and he was coming in just fried from the writer's room and he was riffing about how...
00:35:16.000He goes, you know what I do during the day?
00:37:11.000I come home and I just fucking pour a scotch and I stare at the fucking wall and watch a little ESPN and I fall asleep and then we're right back at it again.
00:38:01.000Well, right when you were done, when you were done filming, you came to the store and you were hanging out in the back and we were talking about it and you were like, I feel like, you know, I love doing it.
00:39:08.000Well, the people watching on YouTube will get the visual, which is a lot of people, but the people that are watching or listening to it, only listening, they will be inspired to go watch the video.
00:41:51.000Dude, I remember just how much shit has changed.
00:41:53.000I remember one time my mother was driving, and my two little brothers were just acting up, and she just had had it.
00:42:01.000She goes, I swear to God, if you guys don't shut up, I'm going to pull over, and I'm spanking your bare asses right on the side of the road.
00:43:40.000Jimmy Fallon gets what's going online, and that's why all that stuff he has his guests do and all that shit, because he knows it's going to go viral.
00:43:47.000So he gets him on TV, and if he doesn't get him on TV, then it goes on the internet, and all of his clips get fucking 10 zillion hits.
00:43:57.000But there's certain people, as early on as we're...
00:44:01.000You know the TV and the computer are all just going to become the same fucking thing.
00:46:40.000And the thing about it is, but like most things, it's like you just don't get on Netflix and then that automatically means that's gonna happen.
00:47:22.000And then a year plus later, he just recorded a second one.
00:47:25.000So he's getting ready to release that now.
00:47:27.000Yeah, but the thing is though, Tom's also a monster common.
00:47:33.000So there's a lot of people, you know, back in the day, like the MySpace thing, I hate to keep going back to that, but everybody's like, well, I'll get on MySpace and then I'll sell out fucking the forum.
00:47:41.000And it's just like, well, you're not that person.
00:47:56.000He's always working on new shit, and you are too.
00:47:59.000I think that's one of the most important things for a comedian, is just to constantly be working on stuff.
00:48:03.000We all know, especially where we came from, guys would develop an act, and they had that fucking act locked down for decades.
00:48:10.000And if you're doing that then, when you go home, your hobby's getting more attention, or if you don't even have a fucking hobby at that point, if you basically have your life down, like I live here and I drive here, and this is the jokes I tell, and then I come home, you're just waiting to die.
00:48:50.000Because I used to get into brutal writer's block, and I didn't know how to get myself out of it.
00:48:55.000And what I do now is I know these tricks that I use that fuck with my brain and open it up rather than close it down.
00:49:02.000And basically what it is is like, all right...
00:49:04.000I just don't have anything new to say.
00:49:06.000I'm just going to improv on all my existing material, and I'm going to try to expand it as much as I can.
00:49:13.000So then this old fucking thing that was weighing me down becomes, you know, it's like you crack the window.
00:49:19.000It becomes a little fresh air comes in there, and it's really...
00:49:23.000You know, how your mind works is really, you know, the vibe.
00:49:27.000Like, dude, if I was in here and it didn't have all these fucking antlers, lava lamps, and the mummies, there's a vibe in this room.
00:49:35.000But if you just had overhead fucking lighting and we were sitting at some horrible table, you get at Staples and it was just a tuba, it would affect the vibe.
00:50:10.000Yeah, I got this new thing on McDonald's of all things that I'm talking about just of how they've...
00:50:17.000I'm trying to combine it with the bloggers, how they bully people, and if you apologize, they see the weakness, and then you become the person they're always going after.
00:50:25.000I feel like McDonald's did that when they started making salads.
00:50:29.000They admitted this wrongdoing, and now look at them.
00:50:33.000Now they're serving breakfast all day.
00:51:35.000If you're stuck somewhere and there's only one thing to eat, like if you're on a truck stop on the highway and it's just a McDonald's, try to get something with some kind of vitamins in it.
00:54:03.000Dude, I've talked to guys like 10 years older than me and they tell me like half the shit that they, you know, not half the shit, but a sizable chunk of some of their stories with the hazing and shit they did with chicks would be like, dude, you guys would all be in fucking jail,
00:55:10.000Anybody that says from back then that that was done to them, after just listening to that guy talking about the 70s, I'm like, Jesus Christ, what the 60s were like.
00:55:21.000Yeah, I think that's what, I think the behavior that people had, if you've watched like those old movies where men would smack women all the time, I mean, it was all the time.
00:55:30.000Like, you know, someone would say something, backhand them, shut up!
00:55:33.000Dude, there was no pedophiles back then.
00:59:00.000I saw this whole fucking thing, is the way when they, their brain fires a message to whatever, the nerve endings or whatever, when they, they can't do, obviously they can't sit down and like play a guitar.
00:59:13.000Like they don't have that type of thing.
00:59:14.000It's just like, when they, they want their right arm to do things, like all the muscles from the tip of their fingers, all the way to their shoulder, all the way to their back or whatever.
00:59:23.000I mean, I think you're using those anyways, but like our stuff is more like precision.
00:59:27.000Their shit is just like a defensive blitz, like everybody's fucking coming.
01:01:16.000I used to do a bit of how, like, if a fucking squirrel ran up your arm and started eating your ear, like, how far that thing would get before you even just grabbed its tail.
01:04:46.000You know one of my favorite things is?
01:04:48.000Is the people, when they scream Worldstar, like at this point, they're so excited that they're finally part of it that they filmed another human being getting knocked out.
01:05:49.000There's a horrible video of this one guy who was drunk, and he was mouthing off to all these people, and one guy stepped up to him and knocked him out.
01:05:57.000And after he knocked him out, while he was laying on his back, people came over, they pulled his pants down, people started kicking him in the face while he was unconscious.
01:06:04.000And then he was like making these horrible moaning noises and guys would just run up and punt him in the face.
01:06:16.000No, there was that kid knocked out that kid.
01:06:18.000The kid was getting bullied by the other kid.
01:06:20.000He knocked him out and he was like, I don't know, I don't know, in the area where the kid hit the classic thing.
01:06:25.000He hit his back of his head and he went into a coma and he died.
01:06:28.000That happened with a guy that Kevin James worked with.
01:06:31.000Kevin James worked as a bouncer in Long Island, and one of the guys he worked with got in a fight with a drunk, KO'd him, knocked him out, the guy fell back, hit his head on the curb, dead.
01:07:47.000But if it was a slow night, they would just pick some nerdy guy and just say, listen, you got to go.
01:07:53.000You got to just watch the guy and then every once in a while they'd get somebody that would get upset and would start fighting them and then they would beat the shit out of them.
01:08:00.000We'd just be like, that doesn't sound like a good time to me.
01:08:03.000I saw a guy one time in Boston, right?
01:08:06.000He got into this fucking fight and the fucking bouncers came in and grabbed him.
01:08:12.000And I remember they just picked him up by his fucking neck.
01:08:15.000Two guys and just started running with him.
01:08:19.000It was the worst secure because it was all these people that had to scamper to get out of the way.
01:11:10.000Because he had worked for probably 10-plus years on that one hour.
01:11:14.000I never saw a guy, like, so adversely affected by fame.
01:11:18.000Maybe because I was such a fan of his, just watching...
01:11:22.000Like he kind of was every cliche and what kills me is when right when he died was he was getting sober and he was gonna like he was gonna turn it around I thought.
01:14:51.000You know, the owner of Dangerfield, Tony, told me one night, That, you know, how they used to just let Sam do whatever he wanted, but it was just fucking crazy.
01:15:03.000This probably isn't funny now because of all the shit that's happened in the world, but he was standing there with this trench coat in front of this late night crowd, right?
01:15:10.000Probably a half full Dangerfield, you know?
01:15:12.000And he's just sitting there when he had his hands in his pockets.
01:16:03.000He goes, I was pissed because they were buying drinks or everything, but, you know, that's how Sam was, but, you know, he ended up working out.
01:16:10.000He ended up getting a good bit out of it or something, but he used to, like, to me, what I think is cool about that is the 80s just seemed like it was so much like, you know, so many comics that were just...
01:16:22.000We're actually getting, like, TV credits.
01:16:23.000And to know that it just wasn't all fucking big hair and, you know, what's the deal with this and what's the deal with that, that there was actually a fucking guy doing that.
01:17:44.000He was just, I can't listen to it in years, but he was just being like, you know, you meet some chick, you know, you like her, you take her out, you whiner, you diner, and all this shit, and saying she's not gonna fuck you, so you just keep taking her out until you're gonna fuck her.
01:17:57.000So then, as she finally lets you, you meet her parents and all that, you're banging away, and as you're banging her, you're thinking, ah, fuck.
01:18:05.000Now I'm in a relationship with this girl.
01:21:11.000So we went and got a steak like gentlemen, went to a nice restaurant, had a great time, had some wine, clinked glasses, got on a limo, went to the Dice show.
01:23:38.000It never ends is the greatest line ever.
01:23:39.000And I remember thinking, like, laughing at this girl, who wasn't a comic, she was a fucking fitness trainer, telling me about this guy, and then I had to go see him.
01:23:48.000And then I think I got it on VHS tape, if I remember correctly, the first time I saw it, his HBO special.
01:23:55.000And I was like, whoa, this was a game changer.
01:23:58.000He was the first guy that made me think that maybe I could do comedy.
01:24:03.000I would see, like, Seinfeld, or I would see, like, you know, someone who was, like, just an Evening at the Improv type guy with the rolled up sleeves, and, did you ever notice?
01:27:26.000You know, why not end the game when you want to end it?
01:27:37.000It's hard to imagine that you wouldn't just try to clean your life up, try to soak some more life out, start eating kale and doing yoga and going on a juice cleanse.
01:27:49.000But the phoniness of it, you'd probably be like, this isn't me.
01:27:52.000I'm just doing this because of all this shit.
01:29:05.000Well, do you know anybody that's an artist that's involved in, like, the art scene where they have, like, art galleries and people go to galleries and you have to, like, become friendly and hobnob in these social circles with people that buy art?
01:30:06.000There's one giant wall of videos, and the videos is like a guy throwing a basketball to another guy, and then another one, there's a guy who pulls a chair away from a desk and sits down, and then another one, a guy plops down on a couch.
01:34:20.000You know, just the physical endeavor, the physics involved of the crane they had to create to get these fucking cars into this museum without damaging other pieces, without ruining the integrity of the structure and all that shit.
01:34:30.000But in the process, they were showing his fucking cars and did a brief interview on him on how he comes, you know, how he gets ideas for his clothing line off of, like, the lines of, like, these...
01:34:41.000Dude, he had all, like, it was all, like, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, like...
01:35:43.000An Alfa Romeo from 31. That's fucking beautiful.
01:35:46.000No, and the whole thing, it's all mint condition, too.
01:35:49.000Like, if they have, like, you know, those old leather straps that held down the hoods, like, there's not even, like, a piece of thread hanging out of it.
01:37:09.000So what they did was they were required to make 100 of this one car.
01:37:13.000In classic Italian, what they did was they just started numbering them at like 63, and they only made like 37 of them, and now the car's like super, super rare.
01:37:23.000They just acted like that they made 100 of them, because they didn't come down and check it out.
01:37:26.000They're like, yeah, there's 67, there's 83, there's number 100 over there.
01:37:32.000No one ever said, where's number one through fucking 50 or whatever.
01:37:35.000They started number, like, they knocked off, like, 40-some cars.
01:37:39.000But the book The Limit's unreal, like, just as far as the fatalities.
01:37:43.000Dude, these guys would be coming flying by, and, like, the crowd would be standing on the side of the road behind a rope, and someone would get hit, and they'd just go into the crowd and just kill people.
01:38:48.000There was, like, this one guy went to a spin and his fucking hood came off and, like, went to the crowd like a Chinese star and just, like, decapitated a whole row of people.
01:39:16.000So anyway, so the American guy, when he first gets the car...
01:39:19.000The last driver had just died in it, and there was a fucking hole drilled through the floor pan, because the guy got decapitated and bled out in the car, so they just drilled a hole in the bottom of it and drained it out.
01:39:31.000And when you talk about primitive, you'd think they'd at least weld that over, because you wouldn't want the air to get in it for that extra hundredth of a second, but that's how he got the car.
01:41:54.000Yeah, but then what happened, too, is I needed leaded gas, and it was a fucking pain in the ass, and somebody had put too much unleaded, and I put a little unleaded in there, and what ended up happening was...
01:42:05.000The valves got a little gunked up and ended up cooking the valves.
01:45:14.000The real cigar guys, though, they want to use a lighter, they want to use a match that's a wood match, and then they want to light a piece of cedar.
01:46:33.000Oh, not just that, just robbing people, being involved in drug deals, and just fucking insanity.
01:46:39.000But one of the guys, Michael Dowd, just got out of jail a few years ago, and they put together this documentary, and now he does podcasts and shit.
01:48:14.000Like, you go, okay, so what was it like, you know, blah, blah, blah.
01:48:17.000He'll go, only an American can a man of my fortitude and magnitude and cum laude come down from what we're dealing with today is equality between the races and the sexes and women today.
01:50:14.000Cash Cab was a TV show where you'd think you were getting into a taxi cab, and then you got in and all of a sudden you were on a game show.
01:52:39.000Yeah, no, it's definitely totally lived up to the hype, but I went up there and I did 90 minutes, dude.
01:52:45.000I did all of my jokes, and I said at one point that I didn't feel like leaving, but I did record it, and I'm going to do something with the recording of it.
01:53:17.000DeRosa had this fucking old lady sweater that he had on.
01:53:22.000And it was bugging me when I was backstage, and then he was just up there and nobody heckled him for it, so I just went on stage, and the first thing I did was just shit on what he was wearing.
01:53:31.000So it was very, like, you know, comedy club kind of vibe, and the people were just...
01:53:36.000They were just in it from the second I got on there, and I... Yeah, I just woke up the next day.
01:54:27.000That once they get their following, where they just, you know, work out their shit in front of their own crowd, I think that even, that makes, it hurts you a little bit, because if you go down to, like, the comedy store, you know, as much as somebody, if they're a fan of comedy, might know who you are,
01:54:43.000there's gonna be a bunch who don't, and there's gonna be people, and so...
01:54:46.000And the energy is going to be different.
01:54:48.000They don't feel like, oh, I paid to see Joe Rogan.
01:54:51.000And then after they get over the five minutes, then it's more difficult as opposed to if you're just doing your show and you're a headliner tonight.
01:55:02.000I did Melbourne a couple weeks ago, and Melbourne's fucking great.
01:55:06.000And I did the Comics Lounge on Friday night.
01:55:09.000My theater shows were on Saturday night, but they have that comedy club in town, and we called up, let them know we're coming in, and they gave us a spot, me and Hinchcliffe, and it was fucking great because nobody had any idea I was coming there.
01:55:22.000They weren't necessarily fans of mine, and I got just this fresh, packed crowd.
01:55:28.000And legitimate response to your material.
01:57:42.000He was one of the first guys, the first guy I worked for, where I opened for, Warren McDonald, who was, who was the guy who used to fucking do the open mic night?
01:58:36.000You just call up, just back the day, you called up Answer Machines, and the Answer Machine would just go like, You've reached Jeff Apotheca.
01:58:42.000No, you've reached Master of Ceremonies.
01:58:59.000In Lee, Massachusetts, I remember it was exit two off of the Mass Pike and I went out there and it was the biggest fucking hell gig I ever did.
01:59:06.000It was this restaurant area and then next to it was a function where a bachelor party was going on and there was no door between their room and where I was doing comedy.
01:59:16.000So I was standing on stage and these guys started gathering from the bachelor party and just seeing this fucking redheaded jerk-off.
01:59:24.000The baby face bombing in front of three people eating chicken pot pie.
02:00:28.000So as I'm standing on stage, after they throw the fucking dinner roll and shit, and they're gathered over there or whatever, I'm trying to go back into my act, and I look out in the crowd, and I finally notice it, and the owner is sitting there writing down...
02:02:00.000Like, you know, I mean, I could do some bullshit, but I mean, there's no way I'm taking on fucking five fucking guys, but I just remember them standing there.
02:02:07.000I still remember the guy that threw the roll.
02:02:09.000I still remember the smile on his face who he was just like Almost lustfully wanting me to fucking say something so he could just fucking beat the shit out of me like and that would have been one of those Boston beat downs where you Somebody fucking bites your ear off or something.
02:02:38.000He got into a fight at some frat, and he fucking hit this guy right in the nose, and the guy's nose fucking exploded, and his frat brothers grabbed him, and they wrestled to the ground, and this dude, he fucking...
02:03:08.000Yeah, that's why I, those stories were always fresh in my fucking head.
02:03:11.000It's why I stopped, I mean, I think like the last fight I had was at somebody's fucking, playing street hockey or something, so it was probably like junior high.
02:03:20.000But after that, everybody hit a growth spurt, and that's when like blood and missing teeth started coming into fights, and I was just like, you know what, I think I'm going to stick with being funny.
02:03:40.000Well, if you saw enough of it, that stale, awful taste of violence that just sticks with you for weeks after it happens, it just shies you away from ever being involved in anything like that again?
02:03:52.000I avoided all that shit when I was a kid.
02:03:54.000Yeah, it definitely changes you if you...
02:03:56.000Look, if somebody's picking on you and you knock them out, I think that's fucking great.
02:04:00.000I think you'd feel good about yourself.
02:04:13.000They'd do this shit where everybody had a chain in the 80s, so all of a sudden when shit was getting tense, they'd all be taking their fucking chains off and putting them in their pockets with their big Z-Cabarichis.
02:04:28.000And then there'd be like those 20 on 20 fights and some chick would always try to run in and she'd always get fucking blasted in the face and then everybody would fucking run.
02:04:43.000And I never noticed how fucked up it was until about seven years after leaving Boston and really spending long periods of time away from there that I finally came back and went into a bar and just felt the vibe that somebody's gonna get suckered vibe.
02:05:06.000I live in New York, and New York has this fucking crazy thing about riding subways and shit, and the Warriors, and you think all of that type of stuff.
02:05:12.000But I don't feel that vibe in New York.
02:05:16.000I think the great thing about New York is that the riding of the subway actually keeps it safer.
02:05:21.000I think the fact that everybody's mixed in together, the fact that you're on foot...
02:05:35.000Where that shit where you can just fucking go fucking nuts, throw a bottle at somebody, then jump in your IROC-Z and fishtail down the street.
02:05:45.000I remember the first time I took Ari to Boston.
02:05:48.000I took him to Faneuil Hall when they had the comedy connection up there.
02:05:52.000Which is about the most pedestrian place you could have taken him to.
02:08:57.000There's very few interactions between people from Beverly Hills and people from Compton or people from, you know, East L.A. Oh, there's none, unless there's like a benefit.
02:09:47.000But they just showed how, like, with, like, racism, how they got, where they got all African Americans to live, and just all the stuff they built.
02:09:55.000But it was a really interesting thing as far as, like, neighborhoods in L.A. because L.A., when you come out here, I still, after being out here for eight years, there's no center to the city.
02:12:58.000I also love New York, but I... Kind of learned, because the first time I lived out here, I hated it, but I just learned that I was not going to hate where I was going to live.
02:13:05.000Like, I was going to give it a fair shot, you know what I mean?
02:13:09.000And it's, you know, the driving is obviously the worst part of it.
02:13:14.000Both the traffic and just how fucking awful the drivers are out here.
02:14:04.000I think because people who like commute on the highway, it's such a motherfucker every day that if they see any bit of daylight, they just pin it and try to go as far as they can before they're going to come to a dead stop again.
02:15:39.000Jersey hell gigs and Long Island hell gigs I think were worse than the ones that I did in New England, because at least in New England, I was part of the same drinking water.
02:15:48.000It was the same meathead that we were running to when you went to fucking some gig in Western Mass or up in fucking God knows where in New Hampshire or something.
02:16:49.000Like, even if it was a hell gig, I was like, ah, whatever, it just sucks.
02:16:52.000But there's something depressing about Connecticut where, like, Connecticut always feels like there's no hope.
02:16:56.000Like, it doesn't feel like a real state.
02:16:58.000It feels like a highway between Boston and New York.
02:17:00.000And then these people just living on the highway and then they would come to gigs like to this day like I did one of the casinos a few years back we did a You know a weekend at the casino and I was like I don't ever want to fucking do this again.
02:17:13.000This is horrible One of those one of those Indian casinos I was like this this place is fucking depressing these people are like what you want to do next time you stay in New York and Then you go to the west side you just chop her over To it.
02:18:00.000So when you transition Bravo, Airspace over by LAX, there's specific...
02:18:09.000Like, rules of, like, hardcore, like, you have to say your whole tail number, and the guy has to repeat your entire tail number.
02:18:16.000And if he doesn't, you gotta repeat, you gotta say your whole tail number, just making sure, you know, November 323, Sierra Hotel, you know, clear the transition, you know, 500 feet Sepulveda, whatever, right?
02:18:26.000But, you know, you go by regular fucking airports, it's not that, but the level of traffic that they're, I mean, you're talking about, you're in the vicinity of something, you could kill 300 people, plus people on the fucking ground, so it's like...
02:19:56.000Hours on it, but somebody's been flying it like a jerk-off like just fucking yanking the guts out of the fucking thing is then what happens is is that 2200 hours where something could go wrong now becomes 2000 hours or 1800 hours because the thing about mental fatigue is Like a weld failing or something like that,
02:20:15.000is you can't see that until it basically happens.
02:20:19.000So if somebody is flying it like an asshole and they're not maintaining it, you know, like if, you know, you give somebody a fucking car and they change the oil, keep it lubed up and all that, and they're not redlining it, that car's going to last 10 years.
02:20:32.000You give it to some fucking jerk-off and they just start it up and step on it, it's a shitbox within fucking a couple of years.
02:21:09.000Like, didn't you fly to San Diego for a gig?
02:21:11.000Yeah, I flew down, and I flew down with an instructor, because it was the first time I was doing it, I wasn't familiar, and he was handling a lot of the radio and the calls and that type of shit, but I flew the thing, and I flew an R44, which is a four-passenger, it's fucking awesome.
02:21:25.000So you go down there, does he come with you to the gig?
02:21:29.000Him and his brother came, and then Kevin Shea rode in the back, and they had a great fucking time.
02:21:37.000It would have been cool if we could have landed right at the venue, but what it was, was it was in this canyon area, and there was a bunch of high wires, and by the time we got out, it was going to be nighttime, and we didn't want to fly out of that.
02:21:47.000So that was the only sort of buzzkill.
02:22:20.000Like, when you're up high, like, you know, 1,500 feet or whatever, when whales come up, like, when they're just right at the surface, because their body is obviously all wet, when the sun hits it, they look like almost like glow sticks.
02:22:59.000I mean, they weren't like real low to the ground.
02:23:00.000I mean, they're like, you know, 500 feet up, but like you can't miss, you can't miss a 30 foot, 25 foot fucking, uh, great white or something.
02:23:08.000I don't think I've ever seen a great white, but I've seen like, you can't believe in, maybe it's cause we're up in the air.
02:23:13.000It seems like it's closer to the coast, but you can't believe what the fuck is, dude, that's like literally like no one would walk into the jungle.
02:25:51.000You know like when there's just that big guy in a bar who's a fucking psycho and you're just sitting there going, I wish there was somebody big enough to fucking handle this so I can feel better?
02:26:02.000You know, one of the guys, bringing it back to F is a fan, one of the guys that I work with got attacked by a monkey one time when he was a kid.
02:26:09.000And to this day, he had the funniest thing.
02:26:12.000He goes, I hate when I go on shoots and there's monkeys.
02:28:52.000Inverted, had its tail wrapped around my neck, reached into my pockets, took my bungalow keys, and then ran up the fucking tree with the keys to my bungalow so I couldn't fucking get into it.
02:29:02.000And it all went down in like fucking like.3 seconds.
02:29:08.000The thing just went right up the bucket and I was standing there.
02:30:07.000So it set down the keys on the other side of the fucking thing.
02:30:11.000And then it was walking, it was slowly walking towards it.
02:30:14.000And right as it got to the food, this is why I'm a sadistic asshole, right as it got to the food, I fucking slapped the food off the house so it would be out of its reach.
02:30:22.000And then I grabbed the fucking keys and ran.
02:31:42.000Six episodes, and thanks to everybody involved with the show, Netflix, Mike Price, everybody over at Wild West, Vince Vaughn, Peter Billingsley, Mike Lagnese, Victoria Vaughn, all those guys, everybody that helped me out.
02:31:55.000And we'll definitely be tweeting it the week it comes out, let everybody know when it comes out.