Berg and Joe are back with a new episode of the podcast, and they are joined by a special guest, Anthony Bourdain. The guys talk about what it's like to be on the road for a long period of time, and how they deal with the stress of it. They also talk about some of the things they do to keep themselves healthy, and what it s like to work for a major network like CNN. They also get into the crazy things they've done to stay healthy and keep their bodies in tip-top shape, and talk about how they keep themselves on track with their diets and exercise. It's a fun, lighthearted episode with a lot of laughs and a ton of fun stories. Enjoy, and spread the word to your friends about this podcast! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The 500 is a production of Native Creative Podcasts. Our theme song is Come Alone by Suneaters, and our ad music is by Lotuspool Records. Please rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts and leave us a review on whatever you're listening to us on your favorite streaming platform. Thank you so much for all the support, we really appreciate it. Thank you for all your support, and we really do appreciate it greatly. - Thank you. XOXO, Joe, Sarah, Matt, Jake, and Mike, and the crew. Sarah, Caitlyn, Mike, Rachel, and Sarah, Sarah and Chris, and Joe, too much love you all so much. Thanks so much, thank you all of your support is so much love, love ya. Love ya. XO, Sarah & Joe, Thank you, bye. xoxo, Caitie, EJ, Elesa, Jen, AJ, AJ & Mike, Margo, Jack, and Matt, Rachel & Matt, Kristy, and Rachel, etc. - EJ & Kacie, Maren, etc, etc., etc. -- Thank you all the love you guys. <3 -P. -Sue, Jon, AJ&J & JUICY, -Sandra, Rachael, KEVY, GABY, JACY, KAREN, MURCHES, JOSIE, JAYE, & KIM & RYAN, JR.
00:02:05.000Yeah, because CNN has a different set of insurance, and Travel Channel's insurance doesn't cover like, they're like dangerous, sketchy places.
00:05:10.000It's the most martial or the most art of martial arts, in my opinion, because it's the most open to creativity.
00:05:19.000Guys like Eddie Bravo is the best example of that because he's such a creative guy.
00:05:22.000He's invented so many moves and so many transitions and pathways, named them, and they're really unique.
00:05:28.000So if you roll with him, you literally don't know what he's doing.
00:05:32.000If you roll with a standard jujitsu guy, even if you're really good, there's certain guys like a Hicks and Gracie, for example, who does the basics, all of the basics of jujitsu, but does them to a level of mastery that you cannot comprehend until you train with him.
00:05:50.000And when you train with him, you'll just go, all that other stuff is nonsense.
00:05:54.000You just need straight jiu-jitsu, you know, from the mothership, from Elio Gracie and Carlos Gracie.
00:06:06.000They mostly just do the basics, but to a level of mastery that's incomprehensible to the average person.
00:06:13.000But then there's a bunch of guys that are super creative.
00:06:16.000Jeff Glover, the guy that we were talking about the other day, he's one of them.
00:06:19.000Bravo, Eddie Bravo's one of them, of course.
00:06:21.000And there's a bunch of other guys out there, too.
00:06:23.000Eddie Cummins, who's a student of this guy, John Donaher, who's probably the most creative of all the teachers, or one of the most creative, next to Eddie.
00:06:35.000And he's got this crazy leg lock game that they're all learning.
00:06:39.000So they're all learning this super complicated leg lock game from this guy who was a philosophy PhD major.
00:07:18.000There's a lot of those guys in there, too.
00:07:19.000But what it really is is this crazy problem-solving game that's going on that everybody's playing with their body.
00:07:27.000This is going to sound like a really silly question, but if...
00:07:30.000Like if you, say Eddie Bravo, say you picked a fight with Eddie Bravo and he was forced to kick your ass, would there be at some point when you woke up the next day that you'd remember something he did to you artistically and be like, damn, that was beautiful.
00:07:43.000Well, yeah, if we would spar, Eddie would do shit to me, and I would go, how'd you set that up?
00:08:48.000And then Liam was like, hold on, hold on.
00:08:50.000You're talking about Joe and Bill, two of the best comedians in the world.
00:08:54.000So don't hold yourself to that standard, but use that inspiration by watching the best to say to yourself, well, fuck, I can be better, if that's what you're saying.
00:10:48.000You know, especially, like, right now, because it's a year after my last special, and I have, like, a full set now, and now I'm just trying to make it good and trying to add to it and cut away from it.
00:11:01.000But it's like I'm working with, you know, a full hour, 20 minutes of new stuff.
00:11:36.000I don't like to be in a relationship with creativity.
00:11:40.000I like the moment where you get an idea, you meet it at the bar, and you fucking take it home, and you fuck it up against a wall, and then you walk out and you're like, I'll never call that idea again.
00:12:20.000I tear through material so quickly that I just go like...
00:12:23.000And maybe it's because it's not that good, or maybe it's because I'm not focusing on it, but I don't really have a lot of the passion to focus on it and literally toil with a bit.
00:12:31.000Like, I get really kind of disconnected sometimes on stage.
00:12:35.000Like, I tell the machine story now, and the second I say when I was 22 years old, I fucking feel a weight on my shoulders.
00:14:06.000There is a great moment, though, when you tell that story, and I have no passion about telling it, but I tell it, and then this couple that doesn't seem like they'd ever like me just come out, and they're like, that was fucking amazing!
00:14:16.000And you're like, you forget exactly, Daniel Tosh told me this, he goes, you have no idea how many people don't know who you are.
00:14:23.000Like, the concept of, like, you think...
00:17:30.000Well, it's all sorts of weird shit, too.
00:17:32.000Like, they'll film themselves doing awful things, like getting fucked by guys, and they send it to her, and then she holds it and threatens to blackmail them, and then they get suicidal, but they want this.
00:17:58.000The thing that she said that was interesting to me was...
00:18:01.000For Hurt Bird, I was with a dominatrix for a day, so I was full-blown with a dominatrix.
00:18:07.000And what was really fascinating is they said something about that first sexual experience you have, it sets an imprint for who you're going to be sexually.
00:20:31.000Gigantic is the switch that goes off inside of a woman when she actually grows the baby in her body and then gives birth to it and then is Insanely responsible for that baby and they love them to a level that Like you compare the way you love your kids to the way someone says oh my god, I love my cat You're like you don't even know what the fuck love is you think a cat is like I can love a cat openly and pure.
00:20:58.000If you had a kid, it would be different.
00:21:00.000There's an intense, and I don't even necessarily say that this is like a moral choice that you make that it's different.
00:21:06.000I think there's some insane biological switches that go off that are undeniable.
00:21:12.000You know, there's this connection between oxytocin and kids, and that you look at the kids and your brain produces oxytocin, which is this love feeling.
00:21:22.000There's like all sorts of weird shit that goes on.
00:21:24.000I think that for a woman, and not all women, because there's women that do porn, that have babies.
00:21:31.000They have families, and they've given birth, and then they go and just get gang-banged by giant dicks.
00:24:52.000They're like these Russian gypsies, like lower, these Ukrainian gypsies living there, and you cannot get them to fucking obey traffic laws at all.
00:26:49.000And so Leanne was like, cotton pick a minute.
00:26:51.000And they're like, cotton pick a minute has to do something with black people.
00:26:54.000And Leanne's like, and by the way, Leanne's been saying it her whole life and never, and my wife's a redneck, but had never heard that Right.
00:27:41.000We live in this time where there's a bunch of people out there that think they're doing good, that they're good people because they call people out and they shame people.
00:28:34.000We were throwing around way too much as kids, and now you only hear it on special occasions, and so you just saying that caught me so fucking off guard.
00:28:41.000I was like, fuck, man, I haven't heard that in a little...
00:35:17.000They can get cancer from that, and they can die from that.
00:35:19.000That's way more common than a guy with HIV in the Western world who finds out about it, gets diagnosed, and starts taking medication.
00:35:28.000Way more common for a woman to die from that than it is for the guy to die from the HIV in 2015. 2015 is an amazing time to have HIV. You wanna go get it, go get it.
00:35:40.000They don't have it licked in the point where they have an injection that they can give you that cures it, but they have medication that make it undetectable.
00:35:50.000Him not telling the girls, though, do you think that's...
00:37:11.000If it really was something that normal heterosexual men got through normal intercourse, The way it's been described to me by medical professionals, obviously, not by knuckleheads on the internet, is that it's just really difficult to get that because a man is injecting his dick inside of a girl and coming in a girl.
00:37:30.000A woman's vagina, on the other hand, is an excellent candidate for reception.
00:38:43.000This is not worth telling, but I got an AIDS test in 95. And one of the first jokes I ever wrote, ever, before I was a comedian, I remember waiting the results and saying, think positive.
00:39:42.000I think there's a lot of scary diseases out there, man.
00:39:45.000I think we're super lucky that we live in this amazing time as far as like modern medicine and what they can figure out and not figure out.
00:39:53.000But it's always going to be weirdest when diseases come through sex.
00:39:57.000Because, like, Ebola is scary as fuck, and malaria is the scariest of all time.
00:40:11.000Half the people that have ever died on the planet Earth ever were killed by malaria.
00:40:19.000Out of all the reasons why people died, car accidents, plane crashes, AIDS, cancer, malaria, killed half of the people that have ever died, ever.
00:40:50.000Okay, this is not a fact that I'm sure is right, but black people with sickle cell anemia developed a sickle cell gene to defend against malaria, correct?
00:41:43.000A new article is likely to help solve one of the long-standing mysteries of biomedicine.
00:41:48.000In a study that challenges currently held views, researchers unravel the molecular mechanism whereby sickle cell hemoglobin confers a survival advantage against malaria.
00:42:13.000Yeah, he was like a really talented Taekwondo fighter, and he would come in and train like really hard for a short period of time, and then he would get sick.
00:42:21.000And he was always one of those guys that everybody was like, where's Walter?
00:42:25.000He was like super talented, really good.
00:42:29.000He would get sick and he just couldn't compete and then he would get better and he would just look like a world beater.
00:42:34.000He was like really fucking good, really talented, really smart, just knew how to fight and then just kept getting sickle cell, just kept getting worse and getting better and this is like...
00:42:46.000Early 80s, 84. That's when it was taking out brothers left and right.
00:45:21.000You look down, it's an exclamation point.
00:45:22.000You never have one of those times where you just looked at your dick a bunch?
00:45:25.000Like you like have sex one night and then the next day you like, like kind of giving your dick a once over and you're like, wait, what the fuck is that?
00:45:31.000It's kind of amazing how rarely guys do give their dick a once over.
00:45:34.000Like how often do you like, hmm, let's see what we're dealing with here.
00:45:55.000It started off with a one-night stand, and I was working at Barnes& Noble, and I went into the bathroom, and I was looking at my dick nonstop.
00:46:00.000And then I started looking at those med journals.
00:46:13.000I'm going to go get some stuff at CVS, put it on my balls.
00:46:15.000I won't notice anything in the morning.
00:46:16.000And next thing you know, you're rubbing lotions and tenactin and fucking putting shit all over your balls and dicks thinking you're going to fix something.
00:46:25.000And then you're like, alright, listen, all I gotta do is I'm gonna do the Tenactin, I'm gonna stay with the Tenactin, and then I'm gonna dip my balls and dick in a bowl of vinegar tonight, and that'll tell me.
00:46:34.000And the next thing you know, your dick and balls have just been getting a fucking beating for like two days, and they don't look normal anymore.
00:46:41.000And now you can't stop fucking with them.
00:46:43.000You're literally like fucking with your dick nonstop.
00:47:01.000Went to Philly with my cousin Abe, and I stayed in this place, and I was fucking looking at my- Hey, cousin Abe, come take a look at my cock.
00:48:08.000That fucking was so complicated to me.
00:48:11.000I never learned it, and I never had to.
00:48:13.000Do you, like, do they even cover that kind of stuff?
00:48:17.000Like, if you got an encyclopedia or a medical encyclopedia, would they talk about dick warts and home remedies, like pickling your dick in vinegar?
00:48:43.000I wonder if they talked about it, though, because there's a certain innocence to that time where they like to sweep stuff under the rug and not talk about it for the longest time.
00:49:06.000But I'll tell you what, there wasn't a lot of information back then, and it was just what you'd get was literally what you'd get on the internet now if your battery was dying.
00:49:15.000That's the kind of internet information you'd get.
00:51:12.000He's a professor of biology at the University of California, Berkeley, and he has this insanely controversial viewpoint on AIDS. And I want to just say this before I repeat what he believes, that 99% of the people that are in his field disagree with him.
00:51:29.000This is a very, very small percentage of people.
00:51:37.000He believes that HIV is actually a weak virus.
00:51:40.000And he said that what it is a symptom of is a compromised immune system.
00:51:45.000And that your immune system is compromised from drugs.
00:51:48.000And one of the things that he connected is the amount of people that die from AIDS complications that were heavy drug users in the gay community.
00:51:58.000Crazy numbers, crazy numbers, because they do animal nitrate and poppers, which are poppers, and meth, and they just love to party, because they don't have kids, and they're butt-fucking, woo!
00:52:11.000So it was his contention that HIV was just a symptom that their immune system was already fucked up, and that if If we looked at it correctly, instead of from a social point of view, everybody's looking at it as like a social stigma,
00:52:27.000and it's something that can't be questioned because it's such a blight on the gay community, and we should all rally and help them, and you can't question what's actually going on.
00:52:35.000They obviously have a disease that's killing them off, and we need research and funding and all this.
00:52:39.000And he was saying, what, you get outside of that cloud of emotion that's attached to this and politically correct thinking.
00:52:46.000And one common denominator you see with these people, with a lot of them, is heavy drug use.
00:52:52.000So what he believed is that your immune system gets shattered from doing all the drugs, and then when they test you, HIV shows up.
00:52:59.000But the reason HIV is there is like if you were healthy, your body would battle the HIV. Now HIV researchers think he's out of his fucking mind.
00:53:08.000But they are saying that there is ways to make it so that HIV doesn't show up in people's bodies.
00:53:16.000That's within the last, I believe, the last decade or so.
00:53:19.000I think those things are called protease inhibitors, and I think that's one of the ways that they have figured out how to...
00:53:25.000I think they have even better stuff now.
00:53:28.000I don't know what the latest in HIV medication is, but...
00:53:32.000If they have something that could make it get to that point, you would kind of assume that that would, like, I know a few people actually that have it, that have HIV, and they take the drugs, and they are, one of our friends works at the comedy store,
00:53:49.000and they are unperceptible, and you don't, what's the word?
00:54:01.000Somehow or another it's like dormant in his system, and if his immune system drops down and gets all fucked up, like if he parties too hard or something like that, and he doesn't take his medication, maybe it would come back.
00:54:10.000See, that doesn't necessarily mean that Dewsberg is right.
00:54:21.000To say that doing the drugs is the reason that these people should get AIDS, and it's not the HIV, and the drugs are what's compromising their immune system, that's not necessarily true because there's not a lot of people that are just getting HIV and then getting better on their own with no drugs, with no medication.
00:54:37.000So it could be that One thing we all know is that doing a lot of drugs is bad for your body.
00:54:42.000So when they're doing crystal meth and amyl nitrate and they're getting crazy and not getting any sleep, that's terrible for your body.
00:54:48.000And any disease that you have, when your body's already wrecked, is going to have a better grip on you.
00:55:09.000I don't necessarily think that his conclusions make a lot of sense to me, a non-scientific, non-medical person.
00:55:16.000I think he probably, one of the reasons why all these people are angry at him is because he's jumped to some unscientific conclusions or some conclusions at least that they don't think are scientific.
00:55:36.000The cynical point of view is that people that are conspiracy theorists would say, hey, the money is in the treatment, not in the cure, man.
00:55:46.000What they want to do is they want to continue making money.
00:55:49.000You'd have to be extremely cynical to think that that's the case.
00:55:53.000They say that about cancer, but they kind of know how to stop cancer in a lot of ways.
00:55:59.000They could prevent a significant amount of cancer.
00:56:02.000If people just cleaned up their diet, cleaned up their diet, started eating healthy and exercising, that would stop a lot of it.
00:56:10.000But if you cut sugar out of your diet, and you started eating healthy, and you started exercising on a daily basis, how many people would be way healthier than they are now?
00:57:27.000Yeah, Justine Sacco was, I mean, it fucking destroyed her life.
00:57:32.000Now, I'll tell you what, I'm this far out of it.
00:57:35.000The stuff I read in the book, like where she works now, and I've heard stories about her now, I won't even share because I don't like public shaming.
00:57:42.000I don't think it works, and I don't think it benefits anyone.
00:57:45.000I think it just makes the people that shame good.
00:58:29.000Because he's gone from being a guy who's been loved his entire career, he's like revered.
00:58:34.000He's like, you look at him, he's one of the great, if you had a Mount Rushmore of stand-up comedy, you'd have to put Bill Cosby's head on there.
01:00:36.000They're all funny-ass women, and she was in that first generation of those women who would post outrageous shit.
01:00:42.000Kelly Oxford posted one time, and I fucking lost it, but I lost it laughing, and she deleted it because she was afraid of it, I think, was that women who wear pads love to smell their menstruation.
01:01:23.000Not like friends with them, but in that generation.
01:01:26.000She'd had a bunch of outrageous tweets.
01:01:28.000In the book I read from John Ronson, that she was just outrageous and funny and would say the inappropriate things.
01:01:35.000And then all of a sudden, there's a young lady who worked with mentally disabled adults who took a picture at Arlington Cemetery where it said...
01:02:49.000And so what they do is they basically...
01:02:52.000You pay them, and then they flood the internet with websites that your name comes up on and fake pop-up.
01:02:57.000You go to the website and it says, temporarily unavailable or whatever.
01:03:00.000And they just flood the internet with that so that when you do find Justine Sacco, it's number seven on the list, and number one is semi-final medalist for this.
01:03:42.000And just hire someone to do that all day.
01:03:44.000So, like, if Justine Sacco had, like, a pile of cash, if she was Scrooge McDuck, and she just sat back with all her cash and said, you know what, I'm just gonna hire a team of creative writers.
01:04:31.000Oh, dude, there were a lot of people that were like, hey man, like, tweeted me, did Rogan really, and there were people going, no, he got- Brian didn't get tricked, I'll tell you that.
01:05:10.000You know, there's a kid that I know that gets bullied, and I told him the same thing about, like, you should go online, take the bully's name, and, like, really just throw all this fake stuff on there, make fake websites about him, and ruin the guy online.
01:05:22.000That's, like, nowadays the best way to get back at a bully, like, anonymous...
01:05:26.000Yeah, you can, but at the end of the day, the bully's still the same guy.
01:06:48.000Well, George and I were both jaundiced, and you'd have to sit and hold them by the sun, like by the window, and let the sun hit them, and then you'd watch them turn from yellow to white.
01:07:36.000I'm a mole-y guy, and it's scary because a lot of my moles look like they should be cancer, but then you get them checked, and they're like, no, if it turns red and starts to spread and stuff.
01:07:47.000Well, he had some weird thing on his face.
01:09:11.000Like, I listen to those stories, and it's...
01:09:14.000You know, when I was a kid, hunting was about, like...
01:09:17.000Waking up early and going out with your dad and fucking being tired and cold in a car and then going out and then possibly someone would hit you with buckshot at some point in the day.
01:09:28.000But now it seems like these adventures, which almost, as a man, my wife got chickens and I understand she's never been more happy about a project in her life.
01:11:13.000That what it is is, well, you can explain it, but you go out there and there's a course and all these things pop up and you shoot them.
01:11:19.000But you're going through this course, and as you're going through this course, some of them are rolling on the ground, some of them, they shoot up, they launch them in the air, and there are these clays, just like those same sort of things, right?
01:11:31.000Yeah, it's 15 different stations that you go to.
01:11:34.000You can go to 15 different stations, and they're all set up differently to be different types of birds, different types of animals.
01:11:39.000So, like, some will be like a rabbit where the clay rolls on the ground out in front of you, but you don't...
01:11:43.000The real sport in it, and I've got to be honest with you, it's...
01:11:47.000It's like fine-tuning your machine where you get up there, you have your gun, your shotgun, and we did the two-shot top and bottom, you know?
01:11:57.000And you're out there, and you go pull, and your buddy hits the button behind you, and all of a sudden, two things come out of the woods, and you don't know where they're coming from, and you just are like, fuck, and you try to get it, and then there is this thing that hits on your head and hits in your fucking cerebellum where you're like,
01:12:58.000They use slugs to hunt deer with a shotgun.
01:13:02.000That's the one thing about that video is I posted it.
01:13:04.000I was like, hunters and anti-gun people will both hate this video because hunters will be like, you couldn't fucking kill it.
01:13:10.000And anti-gun people are like, why do you have guns?
01:13:12.000So I'm like right in that window of stupid...
01:13:15.000Well, what's going on is when you're out there and those things are running by, you're forced to focus on them.
01:13:22.000And when you're forced to focus on the clay rolling on the ground or the one launching through the air, it takes you away from your problems and your troubles.
01:13:29.000It takes you away from thinking about all the other things that are going on in the back of your brain constantly, whether it's bills or stress or schedule or travel.
01:13:38.000I mean, you're constantly doing things and you have all these obligations and all these people tugging at you all the time.
01:15:56.000And I'm like, this is the one thing that makes you sane on the road.
01:16:00.000One thing that makes me touch into life is you're on the road, you're working, and then my cameraman, John Manns, would always be like, hey, UFC's on tonight.
01:16:09.000So my whole crew will go out, we'll go to Buffalo Wild Wings, they always show it, and we'll all watch it, and when you comment, one of the fun things, people that don't know, they're like, you know that guy?
01:16:20.000But it's a connection to life, where you're like, I'm lost on the road, and then you hear a friend on TV, and you're like, I'm back in, and this is the shit I like, and we're men.
01:16:27.000And we're watching UFC, Conor McGregor is fucking losing that fight.
01:16:30.000It looks like he's losing that fight, and the last minute, he comes in, and I've been cheering for him the whole fucking time, and everyone in Ohio hates this motherfucker, and I am cheering for him the whole time because he's a precious Irish saint, and the second he knocks him out or fucking takes him down or whatever, he ended it, shirt comes off, and I'm like...
01:18:34.000There used to be a rule that we thought for the longest time with the Tempe Improv that you weren't allowed to drink on stage, but it turned out it was bullshit.
01:18:45.000Dan Murr, he's dead, was decided for whatever reason that he was going to put up a fake sign that there's a fake state law that says you can't drink on stage.
01:19:55.000You can't see the bartenders mixing or pouring drinks.
01:19:58.000They used to have it so you would buy your drink in one spot and your mixer in another spot.
01:20:04.000Like if you wanted a Jack and Coke, they would pour the Jack Daniels in the glass in one spot and you'd have to go over and get the Coke in another spot.
01:20:40.000Dude, you should have seen the look on my face as we're watching UFC in a Buffalo Wild Wings and the bartender says to me, the manager comes up.
01:20:51.000I wish I knew where we were in Utah, because it's a smaller, it's not Provo, it's one of the smaller towns, so it's not like the big city, which I'm sure you're allowed to stand up with your beer in your hand at times.
01:22:25.000If they say, hey, I've given you four, this is a 30 minute flight, I'm giving you four, you know, I think you've had a lot, then you just go, oh, I automatically, I'm like, I'm so sorry, totally fine, don't worry about it, and then I fucking white knuckle the rest of the flight, because I can't,
01:23:47.000I'm 100% sure in the same way Doug Stanhope is who I go to when I have problems.
01:23:52.000Like when Heath Ledger died, both Stanhope and I both were on the internet going like, hold on, how much Ambien did he have and how much Xanax did he have?
01:24:03.000Because these are real, for people who take Xanax, you need to know.
01:24:49.000But I'll tell you what, the whole reason I don't fuck with Xanax at all is because of Greg.
01:24:54.000Because from what I understand, he was coming off partying, he was in a hotel room, he wanted to sleep, he took Xanax, and with Xanax, sometimes when you use it, and I've used it a bunch in the past, You build up a tolerance,
01:25:11.000and then you stop using it, and it feels like shit when you stop using it.
01:30:03.000I'll do the weekend when I'm there, or an abbreviated weekend, like Friday, Saturday.
01:30:07.000What do you think you'd be happier doing?
01:30:08.000Do you think you'd be happier just doing stand-up all the time, just killing it on the road?
01:30:12.000Or would you be happier if you continue to do these giant workload schedule shows like 11 episodes here, 12 episodes there, 6 of this, 7 of that, on the road for 11 months?
01:30:28.000Would you be more happy if you were doing stand-up, you think?
01:30:44.000The fact that I can, and it doesn't happen often, but the fact that I can roll into the Comedy Cellar, and I'll know Jim, I'll know Bobby, I'll know all the guys there.
01:30:54.000The fact that it's like a fraternity that you've earned that you can't get.
01:30:57.000You can't, like, just your parents pay money and you join it.
01:31:01.000I will say very candidly that having money is really nice when you have a family.
01:31:08.000Traveling stinks, but like, man, I've gotten opportunities in my life this last six years that no one will ever get in their life.
01:31:29.000Now, not even the ones on TV, but these great life experiences that, I mean, I'm a horrible person to be sitting next to with my wife at a party because someone will go, oh, I just did this.
01:31:37.000And I have five experiences that are so much different than Cooler, insane, unbelievable than anyone's.
01:32:10.000But I think you know this, and I know you know this, and I know that Bill Burr said the same thing to me, and Al Madrigal said the same thing to me, is that I've definitely unfocused on stand-up for the last year.
01:34:52.000If I go to, like, Shiny Happy Jihad, it was, like, one of my best things ever, and I did it, like, right when I quit, or right when it ended.
01:34:58.000And then from Shiny Happy Jihad, Talking Monkeys in Space is probably my best one after that, and that was no fear factor at all, no TV at all, just doing the UFC and stand-up.
01:35:08.000And then I honestly think, like, now I might be doing too many things.
01:35:13.000With a podcast and then doing the UFC and doing stand-up might be too many.
01:35:18.000I think podcast and stand-up is, like, the way to go.
01:35:21.000I think those are just having less stuff.
01:35:24.000The less you have to focus on, the more you can focus on those things.
01:35:34.000Not having to go by anybody else's schedule.
01:35:36.000Like if you want to go out to the Salton Sea and go visit that fucking weird guy's hill that he's painted and all these religious symbols and signs and crosses, you should be able to just do that.
01:35:47.000Because that's what I do for a living.
01:35:49.000Right, but you have to do it with a camera, and you have to be with these people, and Bert, let me get you makeup.
01:35:54.000Bert, I'm going to put a microphone on you, and you're doing it for 12 hours a day, and then you're going out to eat in some strange hotel in Boise with your fucking crew.
01:36:01.000You know, there's great things to that, no doubt about it.
01:36:05.000But I think that if you ultimately want to do your best stand-up, You probably should do less of it, right?
01:36:11.000My wife was a big believer in putting what you want in the universe.
01:36:14.000And so, like, right when she told me that, I think it might be a Scientology thing.
01:36:40.000But I don't know if they started us just as much as I don't know if Jesus really got out and moved to fucking rock and was like, I'm bad, bitches!
01:36:46.000So there's a lot that I hear about Scientology that makes sense.
01:36:51.000They have those acting courses they teach in LA. Every young actor you ever hang out with took a Scientology acting course.
01:36:56.000And it's about accountability, fucking being a better person, being your authentic self.
01:37:04.000Well, I'm in the middle of reading going clear, and when I say in the middle of it, I put it down, and I won't pick it up for a week or two, and then I pick it up for a few days, and I'll throw it down again.
01:38:06.000Yeah, and my mom, I remember they went to a party and the one story is that my dad told my mom, don't fucking talk to anybody because you will get convinced this shit's real.
01:38:16.000But yeah, Leanne's been through the Scientology acting classes, and a lot of their shit makes sense.
01:38:23.000I dated a girl who went to Scientology acting class.
01:38:55.000What a private moment is, you would go on stage and you would just do stuff.
01:39:01.000Like they had like a little set so they had like a bed and they had some books and they had like a little fake kitchen area and you would just go on stage and pretend that you were just hanging out by yourself like maybe reading a book and and I I remember sitting there First of all,
01:39:20.000the relationship was a disaster from Jump, but she was hot.
01:42:35.000Because they have their own, they have the Comedy Central Live, they have their own website where they encourage people to go and watch their shows.
01:43:50.000And so Comedy Central and Travel's guilty of this as well sometimes.
01:43:55.000They try to get all the traffic to their website.
01:43:58.000It's the older people in the company that don't technically get how people are using their content and finding their content and enjoying their content.
01:44:44.000So when they go, we don't want any of our content on YouTube because it's a bunch of ad sales dollars that we're missing out on.
01:44:52.000Maybe they're accurate in some extent, but I would argue that 300,000 people watch me talk about fighting a bear on Ari's, this is not happening now, on YouTube.
01:45:05.000I would venture to say not one person woke up that morning after they saw that and went to ComedyCentral.com and then said, hey, check this out.
01:45:40.000I pay for The Walking Dead so I don't have to watch those fucking commercials.
01:45:44.000Because I've made the mistake of recording it on live TV and then trying to watch it when I've been used to watching it on Apple TV. It's unwatchable.
01:46:22.000You know, the more Ari has his content on YouTube, the more it's going to make that show bigger, the more Comedy Central is going to get more viewers, the more ad dollars they're going to make.
01:46:30.000It's not taking any money away from them.
01:46:37.000We've talked about this and touched on this at certain times, but the fact that we have free content out there, the fact that I fucking three, four years ago told a story on your podcast that changed the scope of my career, and I never make any money off that.
01:46:50.000I don't make any money off the guys that have posted it.
01:47:34.000I've told this to two people, probably more than that, but definitely to Ari and Tommy.
01:47:38.000I'm jealous in the most happy way for them.
01:47:41.000Like, I'm so happy that they did what they wanted to do.
01:47:44.000What's interesting to me is because you're very successful right now, but it seems like you look at what they're doing and it looks like more fun to you than what you're doing, or it looks like something more attractive to you than what you're doing.
01:50:37.000Like, just almost like Winston Churchill, like walking down the street.
01:50:40.000Well, it becomes a real problem when you have a vision for a show, then a bunch of people come along, they have their own vision, and they try to get the greasy little fingers on your vision and change it and add their little jizz to the fucking soup.
01:50:59.000That's why it's no good to do something that's...
01:51:01.000You collaborate creatively when you do one of those things with people that aren't creative.
01:51:08.000Like, they might be creative, but they're not stand-up comics.
01:51:11.000So if they're telling a stand-up comic, like, you have a vision of what you want it to be, and they're telling you that you're wrong, you should do it a different way, that's going to be a disaster.
01:51:22.000We got in the most fucking insane arguments over nonsense, where Doug would come into the room pulling his hair, and he'd be like, I can't fucking believe this is something we're arguing over.
01:51:34.000Like, and I would go, what are they saying?
01:51:36.000And he would tell me what they were saying.
01:51:39.000One of them, I think I've told this before, but we had a game show called Make Me Hard, where we'd have a bunch of different things happen.
01:51:45.000The guy had a box over his dick where the light would go on when he got a boner, so we'd have like midgets eating bananas, ding, ding, ding.
01:51:50.000You know, it's really stupid, but they didn't, they wouldn't let us use hard.
01:53:37.000That's why the YouTube option is the best option, or an online option is the best option.
01:53:43.000That's why podcasts are so superior, a form of expression, than anything you're ever going to find on network television.
01:53:50.000Because whether it's good or whether it's bad, it's ultimately all coming from you, 100%.
01:53:55.000Dude, we had this conversation the other day, but the...
01:54:01.000Creating your own content, putting your own content out there, and making your own content, despite what you may believe your content is.
01:54:08.000I woke up this morning, I got a tweet from some guy, and he was like, hey man, I haven't had a BirdCast in a week, like, what's going on?
01:54:14.000And I was like, nah, fuck it, and I hit, like, you know, I'll get on it, I'm doing Rogan today, enjoy that.
01:54:19.000And then all of a sudden I was like, fuck it, man, I can get up and go to the Man Cave and bang out a podcast, get up, fucking start talking, Incorporate my vlog go out get the girls donuts podcast the whole thing talk to people at yum yums and it's like You're creating your own content is is being the owner of your own shit is where the future is It is but there are places that will let you do your thing and that's where Netflix is right now Yeah,
01:54:46.000bill bird just he has a show coming out December 18th.
01:54:49.000It's called f is for family and His experience with them has been amazing.
01:54:53.000And him talking about his experience with them and creating that show, he's like, they left me alone.
01:54:58.000They just let me do the best show that I could do.
01:55:01.000He brought on a bunch of great people, great voice actors, great writers.
01:55:04.000And he put together this fucking banging animated show that's going to be killer.
01:55:17.000How soon until they get so recognized that fucking 2020 does a piece on Netflix taking over public television or regular television and then execs start flooding into Netflix and Netflix becomes that?
01:55:31.000From Comedy Central, from NBC. The real problem is those people that were in the original networks.
01:55:38.000Those dinosaurs, those motherfuckers on CBS and NBC and ABC, they are dealing with soap operas.
01:57:32.000I had a friend who did a sitcom and he had a girlfriend on a sitcom that was supposed to be his girlfriend and he was like, I fucking hate her.
01:57:50.000Like the show starts getting really good and then they want a lot of money.
01:57:53.000I've heard those crazy stories of people coming in to renegotiate and plopping their feet up on the executives' desks and just letting them know they're the center of the show.
01:59:50.000So what's the difference, then, between that fucking, that sinkhole that's sucking in all of you versus, like, us guys who I really love the art form.
02:00:54.000It's just there was only so many things you can watch, you know, and you get when you have South Park or Married with Children or whatever the fuck it is on your plate that you watch a lot of, you can only watch so many shows.
02:01:04.000For whatever reason, Seinfeld wasn't the show that I watched all the time, although the ones that I did watch were always really hilarious.
02:01:10.000But I got to see him do stand-up at the store and he was fucking awful.
02:01:15.000It was like a guy who had nothing prepared and just went up there with like a reputation and some pratfalls and it didn't make any sense.
02:01:24.000Like it wasn't like he was trying to work out some bits.
02:01:26.000Like you'll see a guy come in and try to work out some shit.
02:01:28.000Like even like a famous person will come in like a Paul Reiser or someone like that will come into a club and they'll try to work out some shit.
02:02:22.000So Brent Ernst came over to the store, because I got there at the Comedy Store right after he had gone wacky at the Comedy Store, and there was a buzz around, and Brian had called me up, and a bunch of other people were talking about how fucking coked up he was.
02:02:34.000And so then he went down to the Laugh Factory and had his meltdown, and Brent Ernst was there and saw it, and he came back to the store, and he's like, You know how Brent talks.
02:02:42.000He's like, yo, you ain't gonna believe how fucking crazy Kramer got at the laughing.
02:03:07.000And then Monday, it hit, and it was the first instance of a video of someone being captured doing something crazy like that, and then putting it on the internet, and it just ruining that person.
02:03:33.000So see if you can, what are the top five instances of cameras coming out at a comedy club that a comic then had to do a Monday morning Mia Copa?
02:04:09.000He definitely acknowledged it, but he didn't really apologize.
02:04:12.000No, but right there, to whittle it down to this, what is the difference then between Daniel Tosh and Tracy Morgan and Patton Oswalt acknowledging they're getting fucking blogged about versus Michael Kramer?
02:04:35.000Patton Oswalt, uh, some woman was videotaping him and he yelled at her at the whatchamacallit and, uh, and he said shut up and then he kicked her out and he was a dick to her and then she had to leave and then he had to just someone google Patton Oswalt.
02:05:48.000Most of the theaters that we perform at, like if I perform at a place that's got 3,000 seats or something like that, they don't have metal detectors.
02:07:28.000I tried sitting up in bed the other day, and I just noticed that my stomach had what looked like a sail in the center of my stomach, so I was like...
02:08:53.000Nah, I've successfully ignored it for quite a while, and I actually had a doctor say that he's ignored his for 30 years, and then I wrote back, that's exactly what I wanted to hear.
02:09:04.000It's fine unless you plan on lifting anything.
02:09:07.000If you want to carry a sandbag up a hill, you might have a problem with that thing because it'll tear further.
02:09:11.000As your stomach wall tears further, your intestines will poke out more.
02:09:16.000And the hole can get bigger depending on how much you strain yourself.
02:10:15.000Yeah, I mean, it would seem to me that that horse could, like, take me, well, I'm only 200, but if I was 220, I would think a horse could take me, no problem.
02:12:43.000And, you know, it's one of those things that I do not know if there's a fucking solution for.
02:12:50.000It's one of those weird things where you look at the amount of guns that exist, you look at the amount of people that there are, The amount of disenfranchised people with mental illnesses, the amount of people that are religious fanatics, the amount of people that are just fucking batshit crazy.
02:13:09.000And when you deal with 350 million people, which is I think what the United States is now, somewhere between 300 and 350?
02:13:20.000You're gonna have a certain amount of nutty fucking people, man.
02:13:27.000There's so much pressure and stress and life is difficult for you.
02:13:31.000You're a successful guy with three TV shows and you're talking about how much you have to drink to be on a plane.
02:13:37.000You're talking about anxiety that you get in a hotel room and you're a successful stand-up comedian and a television host of three fucking shows.
02:13:52.000It's like everything is in place and you still freak out.
02:13:56.000Imagine some guy who's married to some monster, who works for a tyrant, who lives in a shithole, Who's every day just looking at his crime and flat tires and stealing and breaking and entering.
02:14:09.000And that's his life every day, all day, constantly.
02:14:13.000And there's a lot of people like that out there, man.
02:14:15.000There's a lot of people that don't get any love.
02:14:17.000They have no place in their life where it feels like they're making a connection.
02:14:30.000And they just realize it, and they're fucking horrified.
02:14:34.000And they're angry, and their programming from birth to today has been nothing but dog shit by shitty parents and shitty circumstances and shitty genetics, shitty neighborhoods, shitty life experiences, bullying, rape,
02:14:49.000molestation, alcoholism, racism, constantly over and over and over and over and over and over.
02:14:56.000And they somehow survive to get to the point where they get their hands on a gun.
02:16:28.000There's people out there that invented Wi-Fi and they're using lasers to give us fucking satellite communication and all the crazy shit that you and I know of that we can never invent on our own.
02:16:39.000There's some people out there way fucking smarter than us, dude, and they're making that shit.
02:20:06.000I think what they gotta look out for is young, radicalized, single men.
02:20:11.000That's what the entirety of this movement seems to be is these radicalized younger men like that Jihadi John guy was like a former rapper from England and he joined ISIS. There's a lot of people that are joining this.
02:21:33.000Just think about whatever it is, the energy and the influence that leads someone to go shooting a bunch of random people.
02:21:40.000I think one of the problems with labeling things, when we start saying, oh, this was a mass shooting, this was a religious killing, this was a jihadi cell, this was a...
02:21:50.000We give it all these titles and names, but just separate yourself from culture, like pretend you're an alien or something, and you're looking at this.
02:22:00.000You're looking at this from afar, and you're just looking at this as some sort of an equation or something like that.
02:22:08.000What is it that these things down here can convince themselves of by manipulation of communication?
02:22:16.000So they've got a way to talk to each other.
02:22:18.000They've got a way to relay ideas, and they've got a way to reinforce opinions and ideas that are thousands of years old.
02:22:25.000And they've got a way that it's so strong That it can make some of them explode and just go around, kill random people, and think somehow or another they're doing it for the greater good.
02:22:36.000So through this ancient ideology, whatever it is, call it whatever you want, but through this influence by some people's minds that's projected somehow or another into another person's mind, And it convinces that person to kill random people.
02:23:04.000Forget even the language that it's been spoken in.
02:23:06.000Look at it in terms of what are the noises that are made by the humans that create the reaction?
02:23:12.000And what are those noises, what are those words, what are those written things represent?
02:23:16.000They represent almost like a living idea.
02:23:21.000A living idea that wants to express itself.
02:23:24.000Like through the filter of the language and the culture, like what is it?
02:23:28.000What is it that causes something to want to get people To go after people that are opposed to this idea or that have differing ideas and kill them!
02:24:48.000It's a civilization that emerged or a culture that emerged out of a break from an old culture.
02:24:54.000They kind of had a reset and they started fresh.
02:24:57.000The people that are stuck in these spots that are super ancient, you're dealing with this pattern repeating itself over and over again and it's hard to break.
02:25:05.000So what you're saying is like, all my friends that when I go down to Tampa, they never left Tampa, and they're kind of still using racial slurs.
02:25:44.000I mean, I don't know much about Afghanistan, honestly, because I haven't been there.
02:25:48.000But I've talked to many people that have been there, soldiers that have fought there, and I've absorbed as much as I could what they were trying to say and trying to figure it out, but essentially what it seems like.
02:26:01.000Is you have one city, and then you have these strange areas that are controlled by warlords, like a lot of them.
02:26:28.000Well, you know, John McCain, I remember this, was trying to impart that on Barack Obama when they were debating, when they were running for president, McCain and Sarah Palin.
02:26:40.000And he said the exact same words that I just said.
02:26:44.000Like, that's where I got it from him initially until I started looking into it and talking to these guys that went over there.
02:26:49.000They said it's like the same as when Alexander the Great was around.
02:28:12.000Afghan chieftain looked older than his 60-odd years and his bearded face bore the creases of a man burdened with the duties as tribal patriarch and husband to four younger women.
02:28:48.000Like where there's like a little lighter container, and there's a breath mint container, and they're right when you go to pay at the gas station.
02:28:55.000There's like porn almost, where it's like a naked girl getting fucked by someone.
02:28:59.000Yeah, it's like, you know, blue dynamite.
02:29:01.000You're digging me hard like blue steel.
02:29:03.000Well, these things are like a cocktail of steroids.
02:29:47.000I can't tell if you're thinking about it.
02:29:50.000So he gave me the high-end versions of them, and I took them, and being used to only the kinds that you get at the store, they're really like bitch versions of what you can get at 7-Eleven for $6.
02:30:02.000I just think that what you're getting at 7-Eleven is a lot of illegal steroids, too.
02:30:15.000If you're gonna fuck like a 21-year-old and you're like, you know, I better do something right here, I'm just saying go with that one instead.
02:30:22.000Yeah, but what I'm saying is, like, I appreciate the results.
02:30:27.000Like, I think it sounds like you're right, but it would be a good idea to get that stuff tested, to find out exactly what's in it, because I guarantee you they're not consistent.
02:30:36.000I mean, if you're just getting this random shit from who knows where, Malaysian fake Viagra.
02:30:42.000But after looking at 4,000 different reports from the FDA, they're all just like the worst of steroids.
02:30:47.000And it's just a teeny bit of steroids in your dick.
02:31:04.000I knew this bodybuilder guy was insane and he would take some shit called Anadrol 50. It was supposed to be one of the more liver-toxic ones.
02:31:15.000But I can't remember whether it was one you ate or one you injected.
02:33:30.000And you can actually buy a lot of ingredients on Amazon and stuff like that that will give you the same results as a boner pill that are healthy and stuff like that as zinc.
02:34:16.000What's crazy is it's banned in the Olympics as a performance-enhancing drug because it has a beneficial effect on athletic performance, a measurable effect on athletic performance.
02:34:25.000And it has something to do, I might butcher this, but with your body's production of nitric oxide, I think that's what it is, that stuff that's in like NO2 max and all these pump things.
02:34:39.000That stuff apparently has a beneficial effect on muscle and athletic performance, that nitric oxide stuff.
02:35:54.000I know cyclists have used it, you know.
02:35:56.000So if I took one, I would just feel like a rock star and that my dick was bigger and I could...
02:36:01.000It would be just fully engorged, like, to the fullest.
02:36:06.000See, I like it, like, at massage parlors, because you usually are too nervous, like, where the girl's, like, working, and you can't get hard without touching yourself.
02:36:15.000You're just laying there, your dick's crushed.
02:36:17.000But when you flip over, you want to have a nice, healthy dick so she can take care of you.
02:36:21.000And so boner pills really help out, like, in situations like that, where you want a boner all the time.
02:36:26.000Here's the thing about encouraging people to take those things.
02:36:30.000You don't know who's going to make the next batch.
02:36:32.000This is the reality of having supplements that aren't really examined.
02:36:47.000I asked him about it, and he understands the rules on things like this.
02:36:52.000He said that what they do is they essentially just fine you and these people reopen under a different name and they just go right back at it.
02:36:59.000Because they develop a reputation where people like Brian know that they go and there's a little thing with the fucking lighters and the breath mints and the boner pills.
02:38:07.000It's embarrassing, and it's crazy, but it's totally true.
02:38:10.000When you buy stuff from these random companies in China, There are some that do an awesome job of making sure that all of the ingredients and whatever you're buying from them are pure.
02:38:21.000But there's some that just, they don't bother to clean out the machinery.
02:38:24.000So like if you have a vitamin B12, and right before you had the vitamin B12 order, they had some other stuff in there, some vitamin C or whatever, it could easily get mixed up in to a measurable amount.
02:38:36.000An amount that'll show up in a drug test.
02:38:40.000And when you looked at Anderson's results, like, he tested positive before the fight, like, outside of training, and then he tested negative, like, I think at the weigh-ins, and then positive or...
02:39:46.000As you're telling the story, I couldn't read your shirt, and I went, I don't know if you posted it, but Roy Jones Jr. is easily, in my opinion, watching him fight the most beautiful fighter that ever lived.
02:39:58.000Yeah, if I had to choose my all-time favorite boxer, it would either be Roy Jones Jr. or Mike Tyson.
02:40:04.000Those are my two all-time favorite boxers.
02:40:06.000Tyson's knockout sizzle is fucking phenomenal, but Roy Jones Jr. fighting.
02:40:15.000Fucking incredible and in a different way I mean Tyson was incredible in like a violent storm and Roy Jones jr. Was just a virtuoso who could do shit that nobody else could do and reinvented how to engage Roy Jones jr. You know barely through jabs Roy Jones would throw a lead left hook that was as fast as anybody else's jab and he would crack dudes with that shit off the back leg And he would hit dudes and you would see their reaction to the speed of Roy's punches.
02:41:58.000Like, he had a level of movement to him.
02:42:01.000Like, you can say that Bernard Hopkins might have been more fundamentally sound, or Julio Cesar Chavez might have had, like, a more gritty, in-your-face game, because Roy would kind of hang on the outside and pick his shots and decide what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it.
02:42:26.000Roy Jones Jr., there's a video of him.
02:42:28.000This guy throws a punch and he counters with a right-left, like a straight-right, oh no, it was a left hook and a right hand, like, ba-bap!
02:42:37.000And he counters with it so fast, like you can't even believe it's real.
02:42:41.000And it's just like one of those little quick Vine clips, and you just watch him go ba-bap!
02:42:45.000And the guy's, like, central nervous system just shut off.
02:42:49.000There was a time for a few years where he was just an unstoppable force.
02:43:27.000Dropped his hands, and then Tony dropped his hands, like, in response, like, and then Roy leaps in with a left cook, cracks him right in the chin, and drops him.
02:43:34.000And I was like, just like, like, don't fucking do what I'm doing, bitch!
02:43:38.000Like, he was just on such a different level.
02:44:15.000But he was really, like, way out of his weight class.
02:44:18.000Roy was so much bigger than him, so that Vinny, even though he was a big guy because he had all that muscle on him, his actual frame was nowhere near the frame of Roy's.
02:44:27.000He was more like a guy, he fought a lot of really tough guys at lower weight class too, but you look at him there, he looks almost like a bodybuilder.
02:44:53.000There's just no one like him at the time, man.
02:44:55.000And you know one of the things that really messed with Roy was that when Roy Nelson was in his prime, there was a guy named Gerald McClellan.
02:45:02.000And Gerald McClellan was, I want to say he was a light heavyweight champion.
02:45:56.000And he had some serious brain-bleeding, man.
02:45:59.000And went to the hospital, and they did their best to alleviate it, but to this day, he's blind, he can't walk, he's in a wheelchair, he's all fucked up, he has a very, very short memory of life, you know, of who he was, and his capacity's been like,
02:46:18.000But he was the guy that people were saying, one day Roy Jones Jr. and Gerald McClellan are going to fight, and it's going to be crazy, because Gerald was a monster.
02:47:39.000I've had a couple go to the hospital couple.
02:47:42.000I've had two definitive ones where I had to go to a hospital for them.
02:47:45.000See, the problem with sparring all the time is you get them and you don't know if you got them or not because you're not going to a doctor.
02:47:53.000So there was nights where I would just lay in bed and my head would be throbbing, you know, and just me and some other meathead beating the fuck out of each other in the gym just doing boxing sparring or kickboxing sparring.
02:49:49.000You're in there in the arena, you're clashing heads, and they came up old school.
02:49:53.000Those guys came up before they really understood CTE. They came up as in, like, if you're not a hard-nosed quarterback, then you're not shit.
02:50:01.000What, are you going to be fucking Joe Montana, or are you going to earn your money because you live in Milwaukee?
02:50:22.000And they're trying to get you, because you got that ball.
02:50:25.000Dude, I couldn't even jump onto my side right now and not get hurt.
02:50:29.000Like if they said, just jump on your side, hold a football and jump on your side, I've broken a rib diving for something and landed on my arm wrong.
02:50:38.000In a lot of ways, you gotta think that, like, playing football is one of the most courageous sports.
02:50:43.000Because, at least in a fight, you only have one dude.
02:50:46.000And if you're better than that guy, you can control the action.
02:50:49.000If you understand what's going on, you can control it to a certain extent.
02:52:16.000I mean, his pants ripped and his dick went, how are ya?
02:52:19.000I'm not saying that mine would be better unprepared.
02:52:22.000Like, I need to prepare mine to present it.
02:52:25.000But fucking, I saw his dick, I was like, I could beat that.
02:52:28.000Yeah, it seemed like it was like a dick radar in some ways, like on Facebook, like all the guys going, oh, whatever, man, he's got a huge dick.
02:52:34.000And you're like, oh, now we know what your dick size is.
02:56:54.000I just got back from Columbus, Ohio, and you're not allowed to be naked there, and so all the girls had pasties, but they would have, like, darker nipple-looking pasties, so it looked like they all just had really big areola, dark areola nipples.