The Joe Rogan Experience - January 06, 2016


Joe Rogan Experience #744 - Tom Segura


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 42 minutes

Words per Minute

187.59073

Word Count

30,496

Sentence Count

3,681

Misogynist Sentences

209


Summary

In this episode, the boys talk about a variety of different topics, but the main topic of discussion is how to deal with problems and how to solve them. We also talk about what it's like to be in a relationship with someone with problems, and what it means to be a problem solver, and how problems make your dick soft. Also, we talk about some of the worst things we've ever done to ourselves, and the things we would do to fix them, and why you shouldn't be worried about what other people are doing to you, because you're not going to do anything about it. We hope you enjoy this episode and stay tuned for the next one, because it's coming soon. Stay tuned for that one! - The Boys Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! We'll be looking out for new episodes next week! Thank you so much for all the support and support we've gotten so far this year, it means a lot to us, and we can't thank you enough for the support we got so far! Love ya, bye. <3 - The Guys. - Jon & Jimmy. Jon and Jimmy <3 -Jon & Jimmy & Amy Jon & Amy <3 Jon and Amy - Thank you, Jon & Emily (and the support you've been so much love you've given us so much support, love you're so much, so much more than you can do this, we appreciate you, we really appreciate it, so thank you, you're amazing, we're gonna keep supporting us, so we'll keep on giving us a chance to come back, we won't stop coming back, thank you back, so keep on coming, we love ya back, more and more, we'll see you, more & more, more of you'll keep you, much more, and more coming, more support you'll come, more, you'll see ya, more than that, bye, more love, more thanks, bye bye, bye! -PODCASTING, bye <3. -Jon and Amy, bye - Jon and Jake Jimmy and Jake, Mike & Alyssa Tom


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Amy.
00:00:00.000 Young Jimmy, fix this fucking mess we have here.
00:00:04.000 Electronics fail, folks.
00:00:05.000 They do.
00:00:06.000 They just do.
00:00:07.000 Sometimes they just go bad on you.
00:00:09.000 That's why people like mechanical shit.
00:00:12.000 Like cars with a clutch.
00:00:16.000 And they fail, too.
00:00:17.000 They fail, too.
00:00:18.000 He did three boards.
00:00:19.000 Three boards.
00:00:20.000 Yeah.
00:00:21.000 Young Jamie had to fire through a bunch of shit we have laying around.
00:00:24.000 Luckily.
00:00:24.000 We almost have enough.
00:00:25.000 If you're listening to this, you're like, this is in mono.
00:00:28.000 It's not even in stereo.
00:00:29.000 Is it stereo?
00:00:30.000 Everything's fine.
00:00:30.000 It's just like mine now.
00:00:32.000 I'm gonna sound like shit.
00:00:33.000 Well, you're in like one ear only.
00:00:35.000 Yeah, that's why.
00:00:35.000 That's what I can only get us to one from what I had over here.
00:00:38.000 How do you sound to the regular people?
00:00:40.000 I'll fix it later.
00:00:41.000 I think it should be just fine.
00:00:42.000 But for right now, it's only gonna be left ear.
00:00:45.000 Well, if anybody's listening to YouTube on headphones, that means you're probably at work and you're fucking off.
00:00:51.000 So that's what happens.
00:00:53.000 You're definitely not working.
00:00:54.000 Do you know how many people listen to podcasts while they're working and don't really work?
00:00:58.000 Do you know how many people message me about how they're doing something pretty dangerous?
00:01:04.000 And they're like, I'm doing forklifts and moving shit around, but I'm laughing listening to podcasts.
00:01:10.000 That's really comforting, man.
00:01:11.000 But at least they're, well, if you work a forklift, you really need to listen to people, you know?
00:01:16.000 No, I guess not.
00:01:17.000 You can have those headsets on and have a good laugh.
00:01:19.000 I think a lot of them say they have policies where someone will tell them, hey, one ear free, you know, so that you can hear someone screaming, my leg's under this thing right now, you know, that kind of shit.
00:01:30.000 Isn't that the rule when you're driving?
00:01:31.000 Like, you're not allowed to have, like, full headsets on?
00:01:33.000 You're not supposed to, yeah.
00:01:34.000 But you can have one in.
00:01:36.000 I guess.
00:01:37.000 You can.
00:01:37.000 You can?
00:01:38.000 Definitely, yeah.
00:01:38.000 Legally?
00:01:38.000 Yeah, you could drive.
00:01:39.000 I don't know, legally.
00:01:40.000 I'm guessing.
00:01:41.000 What am I, a lawyer?
00:01:42.000 Yeah.
00:01:44.000 You'd be a great lawyer.
00:01:45.000 Thank you.
00:01:46.000 I would fucking argue to the end.
00:01:47.000 I think if you became a lawyer, and you were arguing all the time, you'd probably be a nightmare to be around.
00:01:51.000 Because you're probably always trying to win.
00:01:54.000 Well, for sure.
00:01:55.000 Yeah.
00:01:55.000 Yeah.
00:01:55.000 That's what they do, right?
00:01:57.000 That's what they do.
00:01:58.000 Try to find their way out of technicalities.
00:01:59.000 What if you're a shrink, too?
00:02:00.000 And you're, you know, every conversation you get in, are you psychoanalyzing everybody?
00:02:05.000 Probably, right?
00:02:06.000 Yes.
00:02:06.000 For sure.
00:02:07.000 That's got to wear on you, other people, for a while.
00:02:10.000 Like, will you knock it the fuck off?
00:02:11.000 Yeah.
00:02:12.000 Well, when I was in college, that was the area.
00:02:14.000 I never really applied myself in college at all.
00:02:17.000 But the one thing that I was thinking of, like, if I had a job, like, what are things that I'm interested in?
00:02:23.000 Psychology did come up because I'd read a lot of, like, self-help books and psychology books while I was fighting to try to, like, manage my mind and anxiety and shit like that.
00:02:32.000 Mm-hmm.
00:02:33.000 But then I thought about it, I'd be like, you just be dealing with people with problems all the time.
00:02:40.000 And you don't, I don't necessarily want that.
00:02:43.000 I don't think that's a good idea.
00:02:45.000 Problems make your dick soft, that's why.
00:02:47.000 Does it?
00:02:48.000 Yeah.
00:02:49.000 You know, when someone tells you their problems, I always feel like if you tell me your problems, you're making my dick soft.
00:02:55.000 Problems make your dick soft?
00:02:56.000 I've never heard that expression before!
00:03:00.000 I always felt like that when I was dating, you know?
00:03:02.000 It's like you go out with a girl and she starts telling you your problems.
00:03:05.000 You're like, man, you're making my dicks off right now.
00:03:06.000 Depends on what the problems are.
00:03:07.000 The problems are, I'm my ex-boyfriend.
00:03:09.000 He just never wanted to eat my pussy.
00:03:11.000 I don't know why.
00:03:11.000 Oh, that's a good problem.
00:03:13.000 That's a problem that makes your dick hard.
00:03:16.000 Baby, we got solutions.
00:03:18.000 We got solutions for this.
00:03:21.000 Problems.
00:03:22.000 Problems make my dicks off.
00:03:23.000 I've never heard that before.
00:03:25.000 Thank you.
00:03:25.000 But now...
00:03:27.000 That's an original right there.
00:03:29.000 Problems make my dick soft.
00:03:31.000 You should make a song.
00:03:32.000 I've written a few lyrics about it.
00:03:34.000 I really have.
00:03:36.000 Was it rap or singing?
00:03:38.000 No.
00:03:38.000 The way that I had it written out is that it's one of those songs that starts with banter between the piano player and the guy on the mic.
00:03:46.000 And he's like, you know, hey, Joe, how'd it go last night?
00:03:51.000 He's like, ah, man, you know, she came over.
00:03:54.000 But, you know, there's nothing I hate more than problems.
00:03:58.000 Like, oh, yeah, man.
00:03:59.000 Then you hear a little twinkle of the piano.
00:04:02.000 Your problems, your problems make my dick soft, dick soft.
00:04:06.000 That could actually be a funny song.
00:04:07.000 I think so.
00:04:08.000 Yeah, definitely.
00:04:09.000 Yeah, you just need to team up with somebody.
00:04:11.000 Yeah, well, that's a sure sign that someone is not really into turning you on.
00:04:16.000 Yes.
00:04:16.000 Like, they get together with you and they just start whining and complaining when you're trying to get your freak on.
00:04:20.000 Especially if it's early on and you're wondering.
00:04:23.000 You're like, I don't know where we stand.
00:04:24.000 And they start, if it's a girl that's downloading the problems on you, she's not interested in that dick at all.
00:04:31.000 Or she's just so into herself that you just gotta get out of there anyway.
00:04:36.000 Yeah.
00:04:36.000 Time to bail.
00:04:37.000 Yeah, because when you tell someone about your problems, aren't you thinking while you're telling them, like, I don't want to fucking burden this guy with my problems.
00:04:44.000 Right.
00:04:45.000 Yes.
00:04:46.000 So when someone doesn't think like that...
00:04:48.000 They're very self-obsessed.
00:04:49.000 Yeah.
00:04:49.000 Just thinking about themselves.
00:04:50.000 That's true.
00:04:51.000 And I told her, I was like, fuck you, you're fucking, you're only my boss because you're fucking her.
00:04:58.000 Yeah.
00:04:59.000 Yeah.
00:04:59.000 And you're like, like I made a souffle, what's up?
00:05:02.000 What are you going to do?
00:05:03.000 Especially work problems.
00:05:04.000 When people start talking about work bullshit.
00:05:06.000 Ugh.
00:05:08.000 Like, you're not even there.
00:05:09.000 Do you have that when you go on a, you know, double date with your wife and then they start telling you about Sarah and accounting or something?
00:05:17.000 Dude, double dates can be fucking brutal.
00:05:21.000 Especially the ones my wife wants to set up.
00:05:23.000 Come on, they'll be really fun.
00:05:27.000 They don't realize you're conditioned pretty much fully to interesting people.
00:05:34.000 You host a podcast, you have guests on, you have a lot of interesting people.
00:05:37.000 You're friends with comedians, so you have funny, insightful people all the time.
00:05:42.000 Like Tom Segura!
00:05:42.000 Fucking right here!
00:05:44.000 And then you're in the fight world and you have people talking about things that interest you.
00:05:52.000 Yes.
00:05:53.000 I think if you go on a double date with someone who doesn't check off any of those things, it can be a real fucking downer.
00:05:58.000 Some people just don't know how to tell a fucking story either.
00:06:02.000 Yeah.
00:06:02.000 Oh my God, we went on this one double date and this dude started telling me this story about his son and his son's basketball game.
00:06:08.000 And I swear to God, there was fucking no point!
00:06:12.000 There was nothing!
00:06:14.000 Yeah.
00:06:14.000 There was nothing!
00:06:15.000 There was nothing there!
00:06:17.000 You know, he usually gets a few minutes.
00:06:19.000 And then the coach apparently wanted him to do this, but he wanted to do that.
00:06:24.000 And so he's not getting enough time on the court.
00:06:28.000 And it's droning on and on and on and on and on.
00:06:33.000 And the guy is just...
00:06:35.000 No sense of someone listening.
00:06:38.000 There's no sense.
00:06:39.000 There's no interaction.
00:06:40.000 It's just like he's decided that he has a story that he likes to tell, and he's going to go on with the story.
00:06:44.000 And he's using his hands, and he's bending his head forward.
00:06:48.000 He's got all this crazy movement, and there's nothing there.
00:06:51.000 There's like...
00:06:52.000 Probably because that story works in his dad circle, you know, with his other dad friends that are dads on that team, and then, you know, they have kids on that team, and he tells them, can you believe when the coach and the other dads are like, I saw the same thing!
00:07:06.000 I mean, he usually scores!
00:07:09.000 So he leaves that going, that's a good story.
00:07:11.000 I think some people, they don't care.
00:07:15.000 They just wait for their time to talk.
00:07:17.000 Some people, they talk, and then you talk, and then they talk, and everyone they know is boring, and they just can't wait to go to sleep.
00:07:24.000 And that's their life.
00:07:25.000 They fucking take sleeping pills.
00:07:27.000 Do you know how many people I've run into that fucking take sleeping pills every night?
00:07:31.000 No.
00:07:32.000 A lot.
00:07:33.000 Really?
00:07:34.000 It's one of the things that I do.
00:07:35.000 One of the things that I do, I ask questions.
00:07:37.000 You know, I did this bit on Ari Shafir's show about a house fire or a fire in a hotel that I was in with Tom Segura.
00:07:45.000 That's right.
00:07:45.000 That's right.
00:07:46.000 And Joey Diaz.
00:07:47.000 Remember that?
00:07:48.000 Yeah.
00:07:49.000 The best part about it, they tell us not to take the elevator.
00:07:51.000 We get stuck in the stairs.
00:07:52.000 The whole point of the story is I was ready to fucking stampede these people because they were slowly walking down the stairs.
00:07:58.000 And we got outside and we were looking for Joey.
00:08:00.000 We were panicking.
00:08:00.000 Joey comes outside and I go, where were you?
00:08:03.000 He goes, I took the elevator like a doctor.
00:08:06.000 He was smoking a joint.
00:08:08.000 He's outside already smoking a joint.
00:08:10.000 He's the greatest.
00:08:12.000 But I realized while I was doing this that some of these people were literally waking up while they were walking.
00:08:19.000 And then I started thinking, how many of these fucks are on sleeping pills?
00:08:23.000 Because I knew Kevin James.
00:08:24.000 Kevin James would take sleeping pills and he would do shit.
00:08:28.000 Like he made dinner once and he just didn't want to admit that he made dinner.
00:08:32.000 I think he went to the store and bought a turkey or something crazy like that and cooked it.
00:08:39.000 Got up in the morning and didn't want to admit he did it.
00:08:41.000 He's like, I didn't fucking do that.
00:08:42.000 Because he didn't remember it.
00:08:43.000 Didn't remember it at all.
00:08:44.000 Because it warped him that much?
00:08:46.000 They don't remember shit.
00:08:47.000 They just do things they don't remember.
00:08:48.000 I've actually never taken one.
00:08:49.000 Ever.
00:08:49.000 They're scary, dude.
00:08:50.000 They scare the shit out of me.
00:08:52.000 When I'm not tired, I stay awake.
00:08:53.000 I'm crazy.
00:08:54.000 That's crazy.
00:08:54.000 I'm fucking crazy.
00:08:55.000 Yeah.
00:08:56.000 If I'm not tired, I just get up and do shit.
00:08:58.000 I'm crazy!
00:08:59.000 Now, can you sleep well when you- Like a brick.
00:09:01.000 You know what I do if I'm tired?
00:09:03.000 Or if I want to get tired?
00:09:03.000 I jerk off.
00:09:04.000 Yeah, that works.
00:09:05.000 I go out like a baby.
00:09:06.000 Yeah.
00:09:07.000 Almost instantly.
00:09:09.000 Especially high.
00:09:09.000 Oh!
00:09:11.000 Sometimes you get paranoid, though, right in the middle of jerking off.
00:09:13.000 Oh, no.
00:09:15.000 When is it going to end?
00:09:16.000 What if tonight's the night that I never wake up?
00:09:19.000 Mm-hmm.
00:09:21.000 I had those.
00:09:22.000 So I started getting into pain, sleeping pills.
00:09:26.000 Like, I started asking.
00:09:27.000 And people I work with at the UFC, fucking tons of them.
00:09:32.000 Tons of them take sleeping pills every night.
00:09:34.000 Tons of them.
00:09:35.000 And I'm like, what the fuck, man?
00:09:37.000 Every night?
00:09:37.000 Yeah, I can't sleep without him.
00:09:39.000 Oh my god.
00:09:39.000 But that's not good.
00:09:41.000 Don't get started.
00:09:42.000 That seems like the key to that.
00:09:43.000 Yes.
00:09:45.000 You don't get good sleep on, though.
00:09:46.000 I don't think you get real sleep.
00:09:47.000 I heard a doctor talk about that one time, that you're not actually...
00:09:52.000 Getting the benefit of real sleep on that.
00:09:55.000 That you're shutting something down, but you're not actually dipping into real REM sleep and getting all the benefits to your brain.
00:10:04.000 You're almost like getting knocked out.
00:10:06.000 Yes.
00:10:06.000 Unconscious, right?
00:10:07.000 Like when you get fucked up.
00:10:09.000 Like Michael Jackson.
00:10:10.000 Yeah.
00:10:11.000 I mean, he went as deep as you get.
00:10:13.000 He was taking that fucking stuff that they used to put people under anesthesia.
00:10:17.000 He was getting anesthetized.
00:10:19.000 Yeah.
00:10:20.000 Can you imagine that every night?
00:10:22.000 Doctors administering that.
00:10:25.000 Hey, are we removing your gallbladder?
00:10:26.000 No, I just want to take a nap.
00:10:28.000 I just like to sleep.
00:10:29.000 Well, he was probably so fucked up.
00:10:32.000 You know, I saw Dick Gregory talking about him, and it was really interesting.
00:10:36.000 Dick Gregory was getting interviewed by this guy, and the guy was talking to him about Michael Jackson, and Dick Gregory just started going off, and he started screaming, he never had a fucking childhood.
00:10:49.000 Do you understand me?
00:10:49.000 He never had a fucking childhood.
00:10:51.000 He never bounced a ball.
00:10:54.000 And he's just started going off because I guess he knew Michael Jackson I'm just saying like he missed that part of his childhood like the whole Neverland thing and hanging out with children a big part of that was just that he never had a childhood I think that makes sense.
00:11:08.000 It does make sense I don't know if he ever did anything to anybody.
00:11:12.000 I don't know cuz I wasn't there obviously But I think a lot of the people that he's hanging around with those little kids.
00:11:19.000 Yeah, they're parents They realize, like, this is a fucking golden ticket, even if he never did anything.
00:11:26.000 Mm-hmm.
00:11:28.000 They realize, like, this is a guy, my kids spend the night over this fucking crazy multi-multi-multi-millionaire's house, who's a fucking backyard filled with amusement park rides and toys in his house.
00:11:40.000 And monkeys and zebras and shit.
00:11:42.000 Guys, if he's not a pedophile, you know, like, there's something going on.
00:11:46.000 Fucking let's sue this guy.
00:11:47.000 Fuck it.
00:11:48.000 Yeah.
00:11:48.000 Who knows?
00:11:49.000 Yeah, it's a sad story when you think about...
00:11:53.000 I mean, it's pretty well documented that it wasn't very pleasant to be a Joe Jackson kid.
00:11:59.000 No, no.
00:12:00.000 That had to be a fucking disaster.
00:12:02.000 Yeah.
00:12:03.000 That had to be a goddamn nightmare.
00:12:04.000 Yeah.
00:12:05.000 He seemed like a crazy guy.
00:12:06.000 That's how you get good.
00:12:08.000 Exactly.
00:12:09.000 Having a dad make you do that dance one more time, I guess, but it's pretty...
00:12:14.000 Is that the only way?
00:12:15.000 I wonder.
00:12:15.000 No, I don't think so.
00:12:17.000 That's probably the only way to get that good.
00:12:19.000 I do think with athletes, you know, I've read a lot of stories about how dads affect certain athletes.
00:12:28.000 Some of them, but there's the other side of it, that some of them just have that focus and that desire themselves.
00:12:35.000 And some of them say, the only way you get this good, it's in you.
00:12:41.000 You've got to be the one that wakes up and goes on the run and trains and that's how you get it.
00:12:45.000 But the flip side of that is the dad, you know, the overbearing dad that I'm going to make you a champion or whatever.
00:12:53.000 Yeah, but a lot of times those overbearing dads, the kid winds up rebelling.
00:12:57.000 Sure.
00:12:57.000 They wind up just abandoning that dad and they never want to have anything to do with him.
00:13:01.000 Sure.
00:13:02.000 Todd Marinovich and Marv Marinovich, you know that whole story?
00:13:05.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:13:06.000 His dad, Marv Marinovich, was this legendary strength and conditioning coach.
00:13:11.000 He's a guy who worked with B.J. Penn when B.J. Penn was in his prime.
00:13:15.000 And he just has these crazy, really revolutionary ideas when it comes to strength and conditioning.
00:13:21.000 And he had his son on this just insane organic diet.
00:13:25.000 And I don't think he was even feeding him meat when he was young.
00:13:29.000 And it was at home.
00:13:30.000 So it was a, this was 24-7.
00:13:33.000 Yeah.
00:13:34.000 It was, you're gonna, it's not like here's a meal plan.
00:13:37.000 Hope you stick to it.
00:13:38.000 He was stretching him as a baby.
00:13:41.000 So crazy.
00:13:42.000 Working on his flexibility.
00:13:43.000 Now, he did make Todd pretty fucking insanely good.
00:13:47.000 I mean, Todd was a hell of a quarterback for a minute.
00:13:50.000 But he also was freaking out and went to drugs, I think, as a release for how overbearing Dad could be.
00:13:59.000 Yeah, he blew a fuse.
00:14:00.000 There's a really interesting documentary.
00:14:02.000 I think it's one of those ESPN ones.
00:14:04.000 It is.
00:14:04.000 30 for 30. Yeah, I watched it and I was like, wow.
00:14:07.000 Yeah.
00:14:07.000 What a weird life having a dad like that.
00:14:09.000 Then he became like a painter.
00:14:10.000 He's like an artist now.
00:14:11.000 Todd is now?
00:14:12.000 Yeah.
00:14:12.000 That's interesting.
00:14:13.000 He could have been world-class NFL quarterback.
00:14:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:14:17.000 But I think the only thing that really derailed that was probably the drugs, right?
00:14:21.000 Probably.
00:14:22.000 Yeah.
00:14:23.000 Well, also desire.
00:14:24.000 I guess he just didn't want to do that.
00:14:26.000 Yeah.
00:14:27.000 That desire thing, you have to have it in you.
00:14:30.000 They say that.
00:14:31.000 Some people do have it in them, and some people don't.
00:14:34.000 And so...
00:14:36.000 When you look at someone that became successful, it's so hard to figure out what was it that drove that guy to be so obsessed that he had to be the best baseball player, the best basketball player.
00:14:49.000 Was it his upbringing?
00:14:50.000 Did he have...
00:14:51.000 I mean, with everybody, there's a different story.
00:14:52.000 Some people, they had to prove something.
00:14:55.000 Like, maybe they were born, you know, single mom, didn't have a father, always angry.
00:15:00.000 They want to prove to the world.
00:15:02.000 Prove to dad a lot.
00:15:03.000 There's a lot of prove to dads.
00:15:04.000 You know?
00:15:05.000 Yeah.
00:15:05.000 Jerry West, his story, he's the guy that's the logo of the NBA. You know, the outline of the player playing.
00:15:11.000 Yeah.
00:15:11.000 It was Jerry West, and he had a really abusive dad.
00:15:15.000 And he even said in an interview, he didn't think he would be...
00:15:19.000 As driven, as good, and be a great player if he hadn't had basically a shitty dad.
00:15:24.000 Wow.
00:15:25.000 Yeah.
00:15:26.000 So there is a lot of that.
00:15:27.000 Or the Herschel Walker story, did you see his?
00:15:29.000 What was his story?
00:15:30.000 His story was, it wasn't anything about that.
00:15:32.000 His parents he had a good relationship with.
00:15:34.000 His was getting bullied.
00:15:35.000 You know, he was teased and bullied.
00:15:37.000 Who the fuck could bully that guy?
00:15:39.000 I guess eight, nine, ten years old, you know?
00:15:43.000 We're talking that young.
00:15:44.000 Yeah, I guess.
00:15:44.000 But he was getting pushed around.
00:15:45.000 He was chubby.
00:15:46.000 And then it was that focus, though, of, I'm not going to get pushed around anymore.
00:15:52.000 I'm not going to get bullied.
00:15:54.000 They started running and doing those insane claims, at least, of push-ups and sit-ups.
00:16:00.000 And then he just, you know, also had...
00:16:03.000 Genetics, he was a freak fucking athlete.
00:16:05.000 He's still a freak.
00:16:06.000 He is still a freak.
00:16:07.000 Back then, and the thing about Herschel Walker is he allegedly never lifted weights.
00:16:12.000 Yeah, that was a big thing.
00:16:14.000 I don't know if that's true, man.
00:16:15.000 I don't know if it's true either.
00:16:17.000 Because a lot of people said they saw, like, I saw him lift weights.
00:16:21.000 Like, people say.
00:16:22.000 I was with him in the fucking weight room.
00:16:24.000 Like, when you talk to strength and conditioning coaches, they're like, there's muscles on that guy that you really don't develop unless you're picking up heavy shit.
00:16:32.000 Sure.
00:16:33.000 But I don't know if that's the truth.
00:16:34.000 His push-up claims are 5,000 a day for back then.
00:16:39.000 So that's a little also, you know...
00:16:41.000 I'm a big Herschel fan, but that's a lot of fucking push-ups.
00:16:45.000 I could do that.
00:16:45.000 I could do that shit.
00:16:46.000 I could do that easy.
00:16:47.000 He was like, I was doing it between every commercial, you know, watching shows.
00:16:51.000 I just hit the ground, bang out like 500 push-ups.
00:16:53.000 Come on, man.
00:16:55.000 I think there's a lot of these, maybe, you know?
00:16:59.000 The fake ones, the kind of half-inch push-ups?
00:17:02.000 The half ones, yeah.
00:17:02.000 Well, he definitely did something right.
00:17:04.000 Whatever he did.
00:17:05.000 But he also says something that...
00:17:07.000 He says some stuff that's not physically possible.
00:17:10.000 Like he said he only eats a salad and a bowl of soup a day.
00:17:13.000 Well, that's not enough calories to keep your body mass.
00:17:16.000 That doesn't make any...
00:17:17.000 Your whole body...
00:17:18.000 The only reason why your body is the size that it is is because you take in calories enough to fuel all that muscle.
00:17:25.000 If you don't take in enough calories to fuel all that muscle, your body starts eating that muscle.
00:17:30.000 That's a fact.
00:17:30.000 That's just physiology.
00:17:32.000 Did you wonder, by the way, I was listening to your Lance Armstrong episode, how when he was talking about how riders just not eat.
00:17:40.000 Yeah.
00:17:41.000 And you go like, how do you have any energy to ride?
00:17:43.000 Yeah.
00:17:43.000 We're not talking about a leisurely stroll down the beach.
00:17:46.000 Yeah.
00:17:47.000 You guys are training for Tour de France and starving yourself?
00:17:50.000 How?
00:17:51.000 How do you have the...
00:17:52.000 Probably amphetamines, if not amphetamines, caffeine, some whatever legal.
00:17:58.000 And isn't there just all kinds of cramping going on?
00:18:01.000 Your body's just...
00:18:02.000 I would think so.
00:18:03.000 Freaking out?
00:18:03.000 Yeah, I would imagine.
00:18:04.000 Fuck, man.
00:18:05.000 I have no idea how anybody could do that.
00:18:07.000 He said that's a very common practice.
00:18:09.000 Like, cyclists?
00:18:10.000 Yeah.
00:18:10.000 Not cyclers.
00:18:11.000 Cyclers, right?
00:18:12.000 No?
00:18:13.000 Cyclists.
00:18:14.000 It's not cyclers?
00:18:15.000 No!
00:18:16.000 Come on, Joe!
00:18:17.000 He got so fucking mad at me!
00:18:18.000 Joe!
00:18:18.000 Jesus Christ!
00:18:19.000 He got mad at me, man!
00:18:21.000 Yeah.
00:18:21.000 He was like, it's cyclists!
00:18:23.000 Cyclists!
00:18:23.000 Don't say cyclers!
00:18:24.000 It's so funny.
00:18:26.000 But I guess it's like if someone said the ultimate fighting challenge.
00:18:29.000 No, it's championship.
00:18:30.000 Championship.
00:18:32.000 You know, the ultimate fighting challenge.
00:18:34.000 Challenge?
00:18:35.000 Yeah.
00:18:36.000 Cyclist.
00:18:37.000 Got it.
00:18:39.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.
00:18:40.000 I think there's a lot of mental toughness involved in that sport, for sure.
00:18:43.000 I mean, those fucking people are savages.
00:18:45.000 They really are.
00:18:46.000 They really are, yeah.
00:18:47.000 Just, I mean, how many days in a row do they do it?
00:18:51.000 I think it's 21. Something insane like that?
00:18:54.000 Something like that.
00:18:54.000 21, 25. Something like that.
00:18:56.000 Fuck, man.
00:18:57.000 100 miles a day?
00:18:59.000 I know.
00:18:59.000 2,500 miles total?
00:19:01.000 What?
00:19:02.000 I know.
00:19:02.000 Have you heard about these super, I don't know the right term, mega marathon people who do the 50 mile ones and then they do them back to back.
00:19:14.000 There's a few people that do them day after day after day.
00:19:17.000 Yeah.
00:19:17.000 How does your body just...
00:19:19.000 Sustain.
00:19:19.000 Keep going.
00:19:20.000 Some lady in my neighborhood.
00:19:21.000 She ran two ultra marathons in a row.
00:19:24.000 Two days in a row.
00:19:25.000 100 miles one day and then 100 miles the next day.
00:19:29.000 That's a chick who hates her husband.
00:19:31.000 For sure.
00:19:32.000 You think so?
00:19:33.000 Fucking piece of shit.
00:19:36.000 She's fueled by anger.
00:19:38.000 You say my problems make your dicks off.
00:19:40.000 I'm gonna run for 200 fucking miles.
00:19:43.000 Exactly.
00:19:44.000 She comes home.
00:19:45.000 Their toenails fall off.
00:19:46.000 Their toenails fall off when they do that.
00:19:48.000 I saw a real sports about that.
00:19:51.000 And then a guy who so didn't care about that just had them lasered off.
00:19:56.000 Whoa.
00:19:56.000 Because they kept falling off and he goes, I don't need them.
00:19:58.000 So he just had them lasered off.
00:20:00.000 Yes.
00:20:01.000 What purpose do they serve?
00:20:03.000 I guess they protect the tips of your fingers.
00:20:05.000 Is that what's going on there?
00:20:07.000 I don't know, man.
00:20:07.000 It is a weird thing when you look at fingernails.
00:20:09.000 They are strange.
00:20:10.000 Yeah.
00:20:11.000 They really are.
00:20:12.000 This weird hard surface.
00:20:15.000 Like every other animal that has nails, they're claws.
00:20:19.000 Right.
00:20:19.000 They're either designed to climb things or they're designed to kill.
00:20:23.000 But we have these weird tips.
00:20:26.000 Yeah.
00:20:27.000 They're good for opening up envelopes.
00:20:29.000 Stickers.
00:20:30.000 That's why we have these, man.
00:20:32.000 Scraping stickers off.
00:20:34.000 It's a weird feature of our bodies.
00:20:37.000 It's weird how a person developed.
00:20:41.000 And not only that, they just keep growing.
00:20:44.000 So you're supposed to cut them.
00:20:46.000 Have you ever seen that guy in India that grew his nails, like the world's longest nails?
00:20:51.000 Yeah, I've seen, I don't know if I've seen him, I've seen photos like that that's so gross.
00:20:56.000 I think he did it for more than 18 years or something like that.
00:20:59.000 Just grew his nails and they grew so long that he couldn't use his hand.
00:21:02.000 That's one of them.
00:21:04.000 They grow like that.
00:21:05.000 Hey, what's up asshole?
00:21:06.000 That guy has two hands like that.
00:21:07.000 Come on man.
00:21:08.000 So he has to wear like special shirts with no sleeves.
00:21:12.000 That's ridiculous.
00:21:13.000 It is.
00:21:14.000 I saw a...
00:21:14.000 Ew, look at that guy.
00:21:17.000 I saw a TLC show where it was, I don't know, weird.
00:21:22.000 They have all these shows, weird people.
00:21:25.000 And it was a lady who didn't cut her toenails.
00:21:28.000 And they grow and curl.
00:21:31.000 You know, she can't wear regular shoes.
00:21:33.000 And I don't think she can work.
00:21:34.000 I think that was the other thing.
00:21:35.000 She's like, I can't go to work.
00:21:36.000 I'm going to fuck up these nails.
00:21:37.000 So.
00:21:39.000 So stupid.
00:21:40.000 I got priorities.
00:21:41.000 Yeah.
00:21:41.000 That lady was weird.
00:21:43.000 She kept them straight.
00:21:44.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:21:45.000 No, thank you.
00:21:47.000 Good Lord.
00:21:48.000 That's like a bear.
00:21:49.000 She looks like a bear.
00:21:51.000 How strange are people?
00:21:52.000 I know I'm sexy.
00:21:54.000 But you have to take care of those nails.
00:21:56.000 Oh, my God.
00:21:57.000 Oh, what's on the far left?
00:21:59.000 No, no.
00:22:00.000 Lower left.
00:22:00.000 Look at that.
00:22:03.000 What are those?
00:22:04.000 What are those?
00:22:06.000 Oh, God.
00:22:08.000 Well, that seems like we're looking at some other stuff there.
00:22:11.000 Like, we're looking at hand nails and toenails there.
00:22:15.000 Because there's the toenails and then there's nails coming down.
00:22:19.000 Christ.
00:22:22.000 Yeah, something disgusting about long nails.
00:22:24.000 Yeah.
00:22:25.000 Why?
00:22:25.000 Yeah, even...
00:22:27.000 Sometimes women will have the slightly longer pedicure.
00:22:31.000 Why do you have them long?
00:22:33.000 I don't even understand why.
00:22:34.000 Yeah, even slightly longer is kind of gross.
00:22:37.000 Get that shit even, man.
00:22:38.000 Yeah, have you paid for that?
00:22:39.000 If you have a half inch long on your toes, like, ew.
00:22:42.000 So gross.
00:22:43.000 Who are you, you fucking weirdo?
00:22:45.000 Why are you doing that?
00:22:46.000 What are you using them for?
00:22:48.000 Isn't that strange, though?
00:22:49.000 Because a half inch on your fingers is totally acceptable and can even be sexy.
00:22:53.000 Uh-huh.
00:22:53.000 Right?
00:22:54.000 Like, girls with, like, red nails.
00:22:55.000 Sure.
00:22:55.000 It's kind of sexy.
00:22:56.000 Right.
00:22:57.000 Why is that?
00:22:58.000 I don't know.
00:22:59.000 The color?
00:23:00.000 It's because of the color.
00:23:01.000 But how come the red toenails that are a little long are not sexy?
00:23:04.000 Maybe to somebody it is.
00:23:05.000 I'm saying I think it's fucking foul.
00:23:09.000 I'm sure someone's going to be like, I love those half long inch toenails.
00:23:13.000 I think it's gross, man.
00:23:15.000 Who wants toenails that go over the edge an inch?
00:23:18.000 People do it purposely.
00:23:19.000 So they have to be.
00:23:20.000 They have to be doing it.
00:23:22.000 Maybe it's one of those things, like, girls think guys like it, but only girls like it.
00:23:27.000 Like, really skinny girls.
00:23:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:23:29.000 You know, like, girls will see a girl that's, like, basically dying.
00:23:32.000 And you're like, oh, she's so hot.
00:23:34.000 Yeah.
00:23:34.000 Look how skinny she is.
00:23:35.000 She's so hot.
00:23:36.000 I wish I was that skinny.
00:23:37.000 I wish I was that skinny.
00:23:39.000 No, you don't.
00:23:39.000 There's some people that really think that that looks good.
00:23:42.000 They really do.
00:23:44.000 Because of fashion models, you know?
00:23:49.000 I just don't...
00:23:49.000 I don't understand that.
00:23:51.000 Like, no guy likes that.
00:23:53.000 I don't think so.
00:23:54.000 He wants something.
00:23:55.000 There must be a few guys, but they're fucked up.
00:23:58.000 Yeah.
00:23:58.000 But normal guys want meat.
00:24:00.000 Something to grab onto.
00:24:01.000 Yeah.
00:24:01.000 Yeah.
00:24:02.000 It's normal.
00:24:03.000 Like, every guy I've ever asked, would you rather your girl be 15 pounds too heavy or 15 pounds too light?
00:24:09.000 Everybody says too heavy.
00:24:10.000 Too heavy, yeah.
00:24:11.000 Everybody.
00:24:11.000 For sure.
00:24:12.000 Too light is like...
00:24:14.000 Are you going to be okay?
00:24:15.000 Yeah, of course.
00:24:17.000 You're dying.
00:24:17.000 Yeah, you're tired all the time.
00:24:19.000 Your face is all sucked in like you're making weight for a fight.
00:24:22.000 You want the ass to move.
00:24:24.000 Right?
00:24:24.000 You take the ass moving, jiggling.
00:24:26.000 Yeah.
00:24:27.000 Jiggles are good.
00:24:27.000 Yeah.
00:24:28.000 Spank.
00:24:29.000 That's what I'm talking about.
00:24:30.000 That's what I'm saying.
00:24:31.000 So tell me about Throatzilla.
00:24:33.000 So...
00:24:33.000 We were starting this podcast.
00:24:36.000 Before we started, he started telling me a story.
00:24:37.000 I go, stop!
00:24:39.000 Save it!
00:24:40.000 You asked me if I have on Snapchat.
00:24:42.000 Yes.
00:24:43.000 And I said, no, I don't post on Snapchat.
00:24:44.000 And I said, well, I do have a Snapchat account just to follow Throatzilla.
00:24:50.000 And you said, who's that?
00:24:52.000 And here's the whole story.
00:24:54.000 So my buddy, Josh Potter, who's a great comic out of Buffalo, he turned me on to this.
00:25:01.000 Snapchat, for people that don't know, you can post photos, but also videos.
00:25:07.000 I think they're 15 seconds, and they time out, and then once they air, they're gone.
00:25:13.000 If you follow someone and they post all the time, you're seeing, essentially, a timeline of their day or week.
00:25:22.000 Throatzilla came to prominence because she is an escort in the Dallas area, and she's hooked up with a number of high-profile people who she doesn't call out, but one of them...
00:25:36.000 Dallas Cowboy offensive lineman Lael Collins hired her to blow him and eat his ass, and she did it, but then he didn't pay her.
00:25:45.000 So she put him on blast, called him out, told media outlets, and then I got turned on to her.
00:25:55.000 Her Snapchat, because she'll also post sometimes little snaps of her blowing guys and eating their asses, and also running out of gas.
00:26:04.000 Oh, that's her?
00:26:05.000 No, don't put that one.
00:26:06.000 I don't think she wants that one up.
00:26:07.000 Why?
00:26:07.000 Because she doesn't actually post her face.
00:26:10.000 Oh.
00:26:10.000 Yeah, I don't know.
00:26:11.000 I mean, is that actually her?
00:26:12.000 I don't know if that's her.
00:26:14.000 I've never actually seen her face.
00:26:15.000 Oh, true of that, yeah.
00:26:18.000 But anyways, she...
00:26:22.000 She really has a gift.
00:26:24.000 She had a monster energy can in her mouth.
00:26:27.000 Man, you should see her with dicks in her mouth.
00:26:31.000 She also goes by Orally Gifted, 214, which I think is the Dallas area code.
00:26:37.000 But yeah, there it is.
00:26:39.000 Orally Gifted, underscore 214. It says, I swallow everything, LOL. And what is that?
00:26:45.000 A lemon?
00:26:46.000 What is that, a lime or something?
00:26:48.000 I don't know.
00:26:50.000 That might be the end of a guy's cock that she sucked off.
00:26:53.000 The whole stick.
00:26:55.000 Yeah.
00:26:55.000 But she posts hilarious stuff, you know?
00:26:58.000 Yeah?
00:26:58.000 Yeah.
00:26:59.000 And she'll do things like, um, don't nobody want the dick sucked right now, so I'm just gonna get something to eat.
00:27:05.000 That'll be like the Snapchat.
00:27:11.000 She's like, I just feel like giving head right now, but nobody's hitting me up.
00:27:15.000 Alright, I'm gonna go get some gas.
00:27:18.000 And then she'll get some gas.
00:27:21.000 Orally gifted.
00:27:22.000 Mm-hmm.
00:27:23.000 Well, there was that other girl that got famous in the hip-hop world.
00:27:26.000 She called herself Superhead?
00:27:28.000 That's right.
00:27:28.000 Yeah.
00:27:29.000 I remember that.
00:27:30.000 I know you're aware of all this stuff.
00:27:31.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:27:31.000 She always counted on Tommy.
00:27:34.000 She did a bunch of music videos, too.
00:27:36.000 She was a video vixen.
00:27:38.000 Oh.
00:27:39.000 Yeah, she was blowing everyone left and right.
00:27:41.000 I think she wrote a book about it.
00:27:42.000 Yeah.
00:27:43.000 That I might own, actually.
00:27:44.000 I think I own it.
00:27:47.000 Well, she puts everybody on blast.
00:27:49.000 She does.
00:27:50.000 Bobby Brown came over her house and fell asleep on her couch and she filmed it.
00:27:54.000 That's fucked up though, right?
00:27:55.000 Um, yeah.
00:27:56.000 I think the fucked up thing, like, so I had Throatzilla on my podcast.
00:28:00.000 You did?
00:28:00.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:28:01.000 I messaged her and she called in.
00:28:02.000 So she called into the show.
00:28:05.000 That's hilarious.
00:28:06.000 And she was really candid and really funny.
00:28:09.000 And she basically said, you know, I provide this service.
00:28:14.000 People pay, and I never would call you out.
00:28:17.000 That's part of the unspoken deal.
00:28:19.000 But when this guy didn't pay up, it was fucked up.
00:28:24.000 We agreed to something, and he goes, oh, I only have 100 bucks on me.
00:28:28.000 How rude.
00:28:29.000 Yeah, so she goes, at that point, that's when I called him out.
00:28:33.000 Yeah, well, he treated her like an idiot.
00:28:34.000 Yeah, exactly, which was the wrong thing to do.
00:28:37.000 What a rude guy to eat someone's ass.
00:28:40.000 And then we actually, Josh and I had this comment, and I know you don't follow football, but maybe you'll be able to weigh in on this.
00:28:45.000 We started to discuss which position players have the worst assholes, because if...
00:28:55.000 She ate a pretty big guy's ass.
00:28:57.000 How big is he?
00:28:58.000 6'6", 330. That's a big guy.
00:29:00.000 That's a big guy.
00:29:02.000 And she said it was a lot of work to get in there, you know?
00:29:05.000 She said with skinny guys, she can put them in to change my diaper, like push their legs up and get underneath there.
00:29:13.000 But with these big guys, with the big guys, they've got to lay on their stomach, and then you've got to kind of...
00:29:19.000 Open their asshole up.
00:29:20.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:29:21.000 Does she require that they go through some sort of a cleansing procedure?
00:29:25.000 I asked.
00:29:26.000 I'm glad you brought that up.
00:29:27.000 And she said that no one's ever not been ready for it.
00:29:31.000 In other words, cleaned up, trimmed up, everyone's ready to go.
00:29:35.000 No one's...
00:29:36.000 No one has to be sent to clean up, but...
00:29:39.000 Well, she is known for her work, so...
00:29:42.000 She's known for it, yeah.
00:29:43.000 These guys know their...
00:29:44.000 Proper work environment.
00:29:45.000 I think so.
00:29:46.000 Yeah.
00:29:46.000 You wouldn't ask someone to do electrical work in the pouring rain.
00:29:51.000 Exactly.
00:29:52.000 Does that make sense?
00:29:52.000 It's a great analogy, actually.
00:29:54.000 Yes.
00:29:55.000 So...
00:29:58.000 She says that it's one of her go-to moves.
00:30:01.000 Eating ass?
00:30:02.000 Yeah.
00:30:03.000 I have a buddy of mine who hooked up with this girl, and they went back and forth online, and then they got together, and he said immediately, before she even blew him, she went right to his ass.
00:30:14.000 And I went, what?
00:30:15.000 And he goes, yeah.
00:30:17.000 He goes, I just got off a plane.
00:30:18.000 And he goes, that was fucking disgusting.
00:30:21.000 That travel ass is bad.
00:30:23.000 I'm like, what?
00:30:24.000 I'm like, what?
00:30:25.000 He goes, I was so disgusted I never called her again.
00:30:31.000 She went right to his ass.
00:30:32.000 I'm like, who does that?
00:30:34.000 A friend of mine said he also had an online hookup where the lady was pretty aggressive with how she was setting it up, and he goes, come on over.
00:30:44.000 And he said it was her first move.
00:30:46.000 He goes, I wasn't prepared for that.
00:30:48.000 Her first move went to the ass.
00:30:50.000 Went to the ass.
00:30:53.000 Some ladies are bold, I guess.
00:30:56.000 That's a weird move though, right?
00:30:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:30:58.000 Go straight to the butthole?
00:31:00.000 Straight to the butthole.
00:31:00.000 What kind of message are you trying to send?
00:31:02.000 I was trying to say, like, this is gonna go crazy.
00:31:06.000 I'm going nutty.
00:31:06.000 You're saying I'm freaky.
00:31:08.000 Like, if you were wondering, I am.
00:31:10.000 That's what you're saying.
00:31:11.000 As freaky as is possible.
00:31:13.000 Yeah.
00:31:13.000 Unless you bring a bunch of friends over to lick his ass, too.
00:31:16.000 That's, yeah, that's even...
00:31:17.000 Whistle, and a bunch of girls start knocking on the door.
00:31:22.000 Like Pac-Man mouth?
00:31:23.000 They all have fucking lobster bibs on.
00:31:25.000 Yeah, that's pretty...
00:31:27.000 You're saying I'm advanced.
00:31:29.000 Yeah.
00:31:31.000 You're not marrying me.
00:31:36.000 Maybe that's why she did it.
00:31:38.000 Maybe she doesn't want a commitment.
00:31:40.000 The best way to keep a guy from wanting to marry you is just to make him disgusted.
00:31:45.000 Eat his asshole right away.
00:31:48.000 Just really tongue fuck it.
00:31:51.000 You're not even coaxing her into it or anything.
00:31:55.000 She just leads with that.
00:31:58.000 My friend said he thought she was going to blow him.
00:32:01.000 She grabbed his dick, picked it up.
00:32:04.000 And then pushed his legs forward.
00:32:06.000 He was like, what?
00:32:07.000 And she's just gobble, gobble, gobble.
00:32:10.000 Like a Rottweiler drinking out of a toilet bowl.
00:32:14.000 Some chicks are just cool, man.
00:32:16.000 There's really cool chicks out there.
00:32:18.000 Yeah, man.
00:32:21.000 She's the best.
00:32:23.000 I mean, how many guys have told their friends that kind of a story, and their family are like, wow, that's awesome.
00:32:28.000 That's awesome.
00:32:28.000 So what are you guys doing next?
00:32:30.000 So you found a good girl, huh?
00:32:31.000 Yeah.
00:32:32.000 Me and the family this weekend?
00:32:33.000 Yeah, well, I'm trying to get her pregnant, bro.
00:32:35.000 Oh my God.
00:32:36.000 Oof.
00:32:36.000 Nah, you don't want to do that.
00:32:37.000 Woof.
00:32:38.000 Woof.
00:32:39.000 Woof.
00:32:40.000 Mm-mm.
00:32:41.000 Yeah, that's a weird thing.
00:32:43.000 Shit comes out of there.
00:32:44.000 Like, why?
00:32:45.000 Yeah.
00:32:46.000 Hmm.
00:32:47.000 Well, why does it feel good though?
00:32:49.000 I know.
00:32:50.000 That's also part of the problem.
00:32:52.000 Why doesn't your asshole feel like your fingernails?
00:32:54.000 Wasn't it just like some dead dull spot that just pumps out shit?
00:32:58.000 Yeah.
00:32:59.000 I remember doing that to someone in college.
00:33:01.000 I only did it because I saw it in a movie, you know?
00:33:05.000 You know what I did?
00:33:07.000 I got Hershey's syrup, and I thought it was kinky to do.
00:33:11.000 And then I realized, as the Hershey's syrup smear around, it just looks like she's shit all over, because it's just liquid chocolate.
00:33:18.000 So I pull my face up, and I'm like, oh, man.
00:33:21.000 It looks like she just shit in my mouth.
00:33:23.000 Even though it didn't taste like it, it sure looked like it.
00:33:27.000 Yeah, that's not a good look.
00:33:28.000 No.
00:33:29.000 It's a bad look.
00:33:30.000 Yeah, it's like cherry sauce.
00:33:31.000 Put cherry sauce all over it.
00:33:32.000 And it was all over, too, you know?
00:33:34.000 Yeah, that's not good.
00:33:35.000 Nah.
00:33:36.000 I don't think she liked it either.
00:33:37.000 No?
00:33:37.000 Did she get weirded out by you?
00:33:38.000 Nah, she was just like, it's what you want to do, right?
00:33:41.000 All righty.
00:33:42.000 All right, man.
00:33:43.000 Did she say it felt good?
00:33:45.000 I don't remember, actually.
00:33:47.000 I mean, I don't think she was like, hey, this sucks.
00:33:50.000 But I don't remember it being, you know, a big applause break or anything.
00:33:56.000 It's weird that some girls don't want to have nothing to do with taking the ass, where other girls beg for it.
00:34:01.000 They love it.
00:34:02.000 Put something in there.
00:34:03.000 All right.
00:34:04.000 God.
00:34:07.000 It's really aggressive.
00:34:09.000 Yeah.
00:34:10.000 Or girls with toys.
00:34:11.000 That's always weird.
00:34:12.000 Hold on a second.
00:34:14.000 Girls come back with like a giant black rubber dick.
00:34:16.000 Like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:34:18.000 Hey now.
00:34:20.000 Where's this going?
00:34:22.000 That's for you, right?
00:34:25.000 Or a girl with a strap on.
00:34:27.000 I never had that.
00:34:28.000 No.
00:34:30.000 Not interested.
00:34:31.000 Yeah.
00:34:32.000 If I wanted that, I'd fuck dudes.
00:34:33.000 Right.
00:34:34.000 Or have dudes fuck me.
00:34:35.000 Why would I want a girl to pretend to be a dude?
00:34:39.000 Some people love it.
00:34:41.000 Well, some people are really into trannies, you know?
00:34:43.000 Yeah.
00:34:44.000 Insensitive.
00:34:45.000 I was insensitive with that word.
00:34:46.000 Yeah.
00:34:47.000 You still say cabbies, though.
00:34:50.000 That's true.
00:34:52.000 Call a cabbie.
00:34:53.000 Point.
00:34:53.000 Counterpoint.
00:34:55.000 Well, Tranny sounds cute to me.
00:34:57.000 It does sound kind of cute.
00:34:58.000 I don't know why it's bad.
00:35:00.000 It's offensive.
00:35:02.000 What do you think, I mean, is it pretty obvious that the attraction there, for people that are attracted to it, is that it looks like something and it's not?
00:35:10.000 I mean, is that the appeal, you think?
00:35:12.000 Um, I think people that like transgender guys, I mean, there's probably a whole fucking spectrum of different things that people like and why they like it.
00:35:23.000 Right.
00:35:23.000 But I think some of them, they like the idea of it being, like, naughty.
00:35:28.000 Like someone with, like, she's got tits and she's got a beautiful face and then you take her and say, oh, it's a fucking shillelagh!
00:35:36.000 Right, right.
00:35:37.000 Like, it's just exciting that it's crazy.
00:35:40.000 Naughty.
00:35:41.000 Well, it also could be, That you had some weird experience during your formative period, like when you were young, like when you're developing, apparently, they say.
00:35:51.000 Chris Ryan has described this to me, that there's a state, Dr. Chris Ryan, who wrote that book, Sex at Dawn, I do podcasts with him all the time and he was talking about imprinting like as you're young like during your formative years I think it's I think he said between somewhere between like 11 and 13 or 9 and 13 or something like that that something can happen sexually like someone could do something to you sexually maybe a man can do something to you sexually and you might not even be gay but you might get like sexually
00:36:21.000 imprinted You know that like that somehow or another excites you in some sort of a weird way.
00:36:27.000 Even reluctantly excites you.
00:36:29.000 Yeah, even reluctantly.
00:36:31.000 Well for a lot of people, they're afraid of the shame that comes with liking what you like.
00:36:36.000 Sure.
00:36:36.000 Like if you're a supposedly heterosexual man, but you're really into transgender women, There's, you know, you could run a risk of people finding out at work and thinking you're fucked up, you know, or, you know,
00:36:52.000 labeling you sort of deviant and thinking like, what else is this fucker into, you know?
00:37:00.000 It's weird.
00:37:01.000 I know, I know.
00:37:02.000 Almost weirder than being gay.
00:37:06.000 Because if you, I mean, there's some people that don't like gay people.
00:37:09.000 There's some people who are afraid of it or there's a religious thing, you know.
00:37:13.000 But I think that that's more accepted maybe even than wanting to date a transgender person.
00:37:17.000 Oh, for sure.
00:37:19.000 I mean, in today's world, I think a lot of people have come a long way with, you know, at least somewhat accepting homosexuality.
00:37:29.000 But when you get to transgender, that's a big leap for a lot of people.
00:37:33.000 Yeah.
00:37:33.000 For sure.
00:37:34.000 For sure, right?
00:37:35.000 I think so.
00:37:35.000 I don't know.
00:37:36.000 Yeah, they start looking at like, this is what your cards are.
00:37:40.000 You gotta fucking deal with it.
00:37:42.000 You gotta take it.
00:37:43.000 Yeah.
00:37:44.000 And then some people are like, I got the wrong cards.
00:37:47.000 I feel like inside I got the wrong cards.
00:37:50.000 Sure.
00:37:50.000 Not only do I support that, I support people that feel like a dude but want to be a girl.
00:37:56.000 Like, I was definitely born a guy, I'm a guy, but ah.
00:37:59.000 I want to be a girl.
00:38:00.000 Fuck it.
00:38:01.000 I want to get a sex change.
00:38:02.000 Okay.
00:38:03.000 I don't give a shit.
00:38:04.000 I don't care if you tattoo your face.
00:38:06.000 Go for it.
00:38:07.000 I never care what turns somebody on.
00:38:09.000 You know, I mean, like, I don't understand how it would bother you when some people are afraid, you know, you're saying, like, the shame and people finding out, but it's amazing to me that it would bother somebody what gets somebody else off.
00:38:22.000 I think it's American's Puritan culture.
00:38:24.000 We're apparently, when you compare us to the rest of the world, as far as what we like and what we'll accept from society, from people, we're one of the most Puritan cultures on the planet.
00:38:38.000 It's so bizarre to think that that's our...
00:38:41.000 Our surroundings.
00:38:42.000 Because when you're in it, you don't even think about it until you step out and you see how other cultures are.
00:38:48.000 Do you think we make the most porn?
00:38:51.000 Make the most?
00:38:51.000 Yeah, I bet we make the most.
00:38:53.000 I think without question we make the most.
00:38:54.000 Without question?
00:38:55.000 Without question.
00:38:56.000 Really?
00:38:56.000 Yeah, because industry-wise, I'm talking just as a business, there's no other place that's creating the amount of content as the San Fernando Valley.
00:39:05.000 It's got to be.
00:39:06.000 Well, they're fucked now because they have to wear condoms.
00:39:08.000 That's why there'll be a change, a shift, but for the last 30 years, it's gotta be California.
00:39:14.000 It's like when they started shipping jobs overseas.
00:39:16.000 That's what it is, goddammit.
00:39:17.000 Fucking manufacturing jobs.
00:39:19.000 They fucked middle class.
00:39:21.000 It's horrible.
00:39:21.000 Doing that to porn.
00:39:22.000 Shipping all these hard dicks to another place.
00:39:24.000 You need someone to put them.
00:39:26.000 Well, they're wrapping them up with rubbers.
00:39:28.000 That's the thing.
00:39:29.000 That is a bummer, by the way, to me, to watch that.
00:39:31.000 I've seen that.
00:39:33.000 I don't want to watch a guy wearing a rubber.
00:39:35.000 No.
00:39:37.000 Isn't that funny?
00:39:38.000 Like, why would you care?
00:39:39.000 But there's something about, like, they even try to trick you by having those, like, super transparent rubbers.
00:39:44.000 Yes.
00:39:45.000 But there's something about the glistening of the dick just doesn't look realistic.
00:39:48.000 You can't see the end, like the rim, the part that went down.
00:39:52.000 Kind of like, wait, is there something on there?
00:39:53.000 That's a fucking rubber.
00:39:55.000 It's a rubber.
00:39:55.000 His dick's all shiny.
00:39:56.000 You know what bums me out the most?
00:39:58.000 When a girl's blowing a guy with a rubber on.
00:40:00.000 Oh, yeah.
00:40:01.000 Just stop.
00:40:02.000 Stop!
00:40:03.000 Buddy, just jerk off on the top of her head and that'd be better.
00:40:08.000 Don't even come near her face.
00:40:10.000 Don't let her blow you.
00:40:12.000 I just don't like it.
00:40:15.000 I don't want to watch it.
00:40:18.000 I don't want to see it.
00:40:19.000 I've seen one of those blooper videos where it has the guy, it's like a double team, and one guy finishes on a girl's head, you know, on her hair, and she goes, did you just cum in my hair?
00:40:30.000 And the whole scene stops, and there's like a big fight, everyone's screaming and yelling.
00:40:35.000 Really?
00:40:35.000 Yeah, and he's like, I'm sorry.
00:40:37.000 She got mad?
00:40:38.000 Oh, really mad, really mad, yeah.
00:40:40.000 Why would you get mad at that?
00:40:42.000 Because he went right into her hair.
00:40:44.000 And so she can't clean it?
00:40:46.000 I don't know.
00:40:47.000 She's planning on going out?
00:40:49.000 I think she had an appointment afterwards.
00:40:51.000 Girls get their hair did.
00:40:52.000 When they get their hair did, they like to keep it that way for days.
00:40:56.000 Yeah, do not fuck with the hair.
00:40:57.000 Don't come in it, for sure.
00:40:59.000 Well, especially if there's like hairspray, then it becomes like stalagmites, hangs down.
00:41:05.000 He gets caught up in the fucking webbing of the hair.
00:41:09.000 No, no bueno, man.
00:41:10.000 Not bueno.
00:41:11.000 Even slightly.
00:41:13.000 No, it's the worst.
00:41:14.000 But eyelashes are okay.
00:41:16.000 Come on, the eyelashes?
00:41:17.000 Yeah, when they get it in the mug and then it's dripping off their eyelashes, like, hey.
00:41:21.000 They have that look on their face.
00:41:23.000 And the flutter, the eye flutter.
00:41:24.000 Yeah.
00:41:26.000 The eyelashes kind of, in some ways, protect them from cum.
00:41:29.000 Like a good...
00:41:30.000 That's why we have eyelashes.
00:41:31.000 Yeah.
00:41:32.000 Didn't Dr. Ryan talk about that?
00:41:35.000 A good thick shield, like palm fronds.
00:41:38.000 Yeah.
00:41:39.000 Protect you.
00:41:39.000 Protect you from juice.
00:41:41.000 Well, you know, Joe, we've studied for the last few hundred thousand years.
00:41:45.000 Humans have eyelashes to protect them from facials.
00:41:48.000 There's a weird thing, huh?
00:41:49.000 Facials?
00:41:50.000 Like, where'd that come from?
00:41:52.000 Like, why?
00:41:53.000 Why come in someone's face?
00:41:55.000 It's gotta be power.
00:41:57.000 It's a power move, right?
00:41:58.000 Is it?
00:41:59.000 I think it's a power move.
00:42:00.000 Well, it's a freak move, too, right?
00:42:01.000 True.
00:42:02.000 Like a girl sticks her tongue out.
00:42:03.000 She goes, ah.
00:42:05.000 How about the scoop and score?
00:42:07.000 Isn't that crazy?
00:42:08.000 Oh, that's disgusting.
00:42:08.000 When it's like, oh, there's a little up here.
00:42:11.000 And they take it down.
00:42:12.000 And then they have to pretend.
00:42:15.000 That it's the most delicious thing ever.
00:42:17.000 That even when you're watching, you're like, I don't know.
00:42:20.000 It's been sitting on your face for a while.
00:42:22.000 You didn't remember it was there.
00:42:24.000 It's kind of cooled off.
00:42:26.000 And you're like, it's delicious.
00:42:28.000 It's cooled off.
00:42:29.000 I like hot jizz only.
00:42:31.000 It's like, you know, you never eat a pot pie when it's cold.
00:42:35.000 Yeah.
00:42:39.000 Well, don't you think those, those, like, save all the jizz videos?
00:42:44.000 Oh, those are the worst.
00:42:46.000 Those are disgusting, man.
00:42:46.000 You see, that's where a fella draws the line.
00:42:49.000 Like, if you date a girl, she used to be a porn star.
00:42:51.000 Well, you know, she's just having sex.
00:42:53.000 Who cares if it's on camera?
00:42:55.000 But then if you watch a video of, like, five guys coming into a mug, and she chugs it, she chugs it.
00:43:01.000 That is so, so foul.
00:43:02.000 There's a lot of those out there.
00:43:04.000 Jamie's gonna throw it.
00:43:07.000 Yeah, that is foul.
00:43:08.000 Isn't it?
00:43:10.000 And they're like, drink it through a straw.
00:43:11.000 Like, they do something so disgusting.
00:43:14.000 So gross, man.
00:43:15.000 With that Max Hardcore guy, he opened up a woman's asshole with a speculum, then he pissed inside of it, and then attached a straw to it and made her drink his piss out of her asshole that was opened up like a bowl.
00:43:31.000 What do you think his imprinting is from childhood?
00:43:35.000 Whatever it is.
00:43:37.000 Pretty crazy.
00:43:38.000 Not good.
00:43:38.000 Someone did bad things.
00:43:40.000 I saw one of those...
00:43:41.000 Is it Speculum?
00:43:43.000 Is that what it's called?
00:43:43.000 Yeah, when they open you up.
00:43:44.000 Yeah, and a girl's ass, and then they put cereal and milk, and somebody ate it out of there.
00:43:49.000 That's fucking gross as shit, too.
00:43:52.000 That's when they need to stop.
00:43:54.000 Like, I've had this bit for a while that I just never figured out what to do with on stage, but the bit was like, why are they still making porn?
00:44:03.000 Who has jerked off to all the porn?
00:44:05.000 Yeah.
00:44:05.000 Like, how could anybody...
00:44:07.000 Who's showing up at the video store on Monday morning going, there's new shit here yet?
00:44:11.000 Where's the new shit?
00:44:12.000 Where's the new shit?
00:44:12.000 It's fucking constantly checking.
00:44:14.000 Like, no one has seen all of them.
00:44:17.000 Like, there's enough.
00:44:19.000 There's more than enough.
00:44:20.000 Well, you could jerk off once an hour, every hour, for the rest of your life, and you would never get through all the porn that's ever been made.
00:44:26.000 Through ten lifetimes you could do that.
00:44:28.000 But yet they're still making it.
00:44:29.000 Sure.
00:44:29.000 Like, what is that?
00:44:31.000 I don't know.
00:44:31.000 There's just this insatiable appetite for it, I guess, from enough people.
00:44:36.000 Because it's not like music or comedy or something where people want new things because you like...
00:44:43.000 Well, maybe it is.
00:44:44.000 Maybe that's it.
00:44:45.000 I was going to say, you like a particular artist.
00:44:47.000 Like...
00:44:49.000 Say, you know, Chris Rock.
00:44:51.000 Like, when's Chris Rock?
00:44:52.000 Or Tom Segura, who's got a new Netflix special that's available this Friday!
00:44:56.000 January 8th!
00:44:57.000 That's right.
00:44:57.000 Shameless plug.
00:44:59.000 So, like, if you're a Tom Segura fan, like, there's only one way to get it.
00:45:03.000 You gotta wait for Tom Segura to put out a new CD or a new Netflix special.
00:45:07.000 But for porn, I guess maybe that's what it is.
00:45:10.000 I mean, guys like jacking off to one girl.
00:45:12.000 Right.
00:45:13.000 So they become like a Kendra Lust fan.
00:45:16.000 Sure.
00:45:17.000 You ever seen her?
00:45:18.000 That name sounds familiar, so I'm sure I have.
00:45:21.000 Big ol' ass.
00:45:22.000 Big ol' ass.
00:45:22.000 Fucking woman.
00:45:24.000 Yeah.
00:45:24.000 She's all woman.
00:45:25.000 She's milfy, too.
00:45:27.000 She looks like she's in her late 30s and is ready to party.
00:45:30.000 Mm-hmm.
00:45:31.000 You know what I'm talking about?
00:45:31.000 Has some experience.
00:45:32.000 Yeah.
00:45:33.000 But takes care of herself.
00:45:35.000 Sure.
00:45:35.000 Yeah.
00:45:36.000 So if you're a fan of hers...
00:45:39.000 There's only one way to get it.
00:45:40.000 You gotta watch her videos.
00:45:41.000 There she goes.
00:45:42.000 Bam!
00:45:43.000 Yeah.
00:45:43.000 Oh, yeah.
00:45:44.000 Good lord, son.
00:45:46.000 Good lord, put it away before somebody gets hurt.
00:45:50.000 So, like...
00:45:51.000 If you're a fan of any, you know, fill in the blank, Tara Patrick, whatever.
00:45:55.000 You gotta wait for her when she's retired.
00:45:57.000 You gotta wait for her.
00:45:58.000 That's a bummer when girls are still hot and they retire.
00:46:00.000 Yeah, what are you doing retiring?
00:46:01.000 Come on, come on.
00:46:02.000 We're all still jerking off over here.
00:46:03.000 Yeah, come on.
00:46:03.000 What are you doing?
00:46:04.000 What are you doing?
00:46:04.000 You're not done.
00:46:05.000 You're not done.
00:46:06.000 Is she back or not?
00:46:08.000 Yeah, it's like, you know, if Conor McGregor retires now, you're like, come on, Conor.
00:46:12.000 You got a few good years left in there.
00:46:13.000 At least.
00:46:13.000 What are you doing?
00:46:14.000 Could you make a few videos for us?
00:46:18.000 There's a thing about watching them, you know, where guys get obsessed with, like, one girl, and then they go to, like, the AVN shows, and they wait in line to get a picture signed.
00:46:28.000 No, that's too far.
00:46:29.000 Can I get a photo with you?
00:46:31.000 Can I get a photo with you?
00:46:32.000 And they're, like, they're holding on to her.
00:46:34.000 And if the girls do escorting, that's the other thing.
00:46:37.000 Some of those porn stars, like, you can actually fuck them.
00:46:40.000 Yeah.
00:46:41.000 I'm sure it's a pretty penny though, right?
00:46:43.000 Couple grand probably?
00:46:44.000 You think so?
00:46:45.000 Yeah, but is that awful?
00:46:46.000 I mean, is that worse?
00:46:48.000 Here's the question.
00:46:48.000 Here's the big question.
00:46:49.000 Is that worse?
00:46:51.000 Easy over there.
00:46:52.000 You alright?
00:46:53.000 Getting sick?
00:46:53.000 No, no, no.
00:46:54.000 I'm not.
00:46:54.000 Yeah, I'm not.
00:46:56.000 Is it worse to have sex with a guy who's paying you?
00:47:01.000 Than it is to have sex with a guy on film.
00:47:04.000 Is there a line that's crossed there?
00:47:08.000 What do you mean by worse, though?
00:47:10.000 Well, I don't give a fuck either way.
00:47:12.000 But for some people, is the perception worse?
00:47:15.000 Like, is it worse to be a girl who's a porn star who also escorts?
00:47:20.000 Or...
00:47:21.000 Is it, you know, what's...
00:47:23.000 Personally, I think the...
00:47:26.000 If it's between the two, I would do it off camera so it's not documented.
00:47:31.000 Unless for some reason you want it to be documented.
00:47:34.000 You know, if you're doing just your escorting, well, it's just between you and whoever you do it with.
00:47:40.000 Right.
00:47:40.000 So you don't have that social stigma of being known for doing that.
00:47:45.000 Right, but for those girls, they don't care about that social stigma.
00:47:48.000 I got you.
00:47:48.000 I mean, that's their living.
00:47:49.000 Sure.
00:47:50.000 But is it worse to be an escort and a porn star or just a porn star?
00:47:58.000 Or is it a stupid question?
00:48:00.000 I don't know, man.
00:48:01.000 It might be a stupid question.
00:48:02.000 I just feel like...
00:48:04.000 They're probably trying to get lucrative.
00:48:05.000 That's exactly what it is.
00:48:07.000 So just keep taking those escorts.
00:48:09.000 Escort hires.
00:48:11.000 That's exactly what it is.
00:48:12.000 Yeah.
00:48:13.000 Well, it's a good move for them.
00:48:14.000 For sure.
00:48:14.000 Probably get...
00:48:15.000 I bet some of them get paid a lot of money.
00:48:18.000 I bet they do too.
00:48:18.000 Like rich dudes?
00:48:19.000 Yeah.
00:48:20.000 Rich dudes fly them out.
00:48:21.000 Look, and then she's like, it's $10,000.
00:48:24.000 And for the guy who's like, okay.
00:48:26.000 Yeah.
00:48:26.000 Then you're getting paid, man.
00:48:28.000 Yeah.
00:48:28.000 Yeah.
00:48:29.000 Well, Red Band had something he put on Twitter the other day about girls that take another vacation to go shopping in Dubai.
00:48:39.000 It was a thinly veiled prostitution reference.
00:48:44.000 Because that's what a lot of people do, apparently.
00:48:47.000 Oh, really?
00:48:47.000 They go shopping?
00:48:48.000 Well, there's so much.
00:48:51.000 So much money.
00:48:52.000 Have you ever been?
00:48:53.000 I've never been.
00:48:54.000 I was there once for the UFC, because there was a UFC in Abu Dhabi, and we went to Dubai to do the weigh-ins.
00:49:02.000 We did the weigh-ins in Dubai, and then we drove to Abu Dhabi from there.
00:49:06.000 When you drive, you have to drive the fucking speed limit, or they will hit you with a missile.
00:49:12.000 They'll shoot you in the face with a missile.
00:49:14.000 Really?
00:49:15.000 It's so strict there like the drivers like they will not violate the speed limit like if you violate the speed limit If you do anything wrong, anything that can allow you to get locked up, who knows what the fuck's going to happen?
00:49:28.000 Literally, who knows what's going to happen?
00:49:29.000 Especially if you are in a position like a driver or a service person, like a waiter or a waitress or bartender or something like that, you cannot fuck around over there.
00:49:39.000 It is not America.
00:49:42.000 You're essentially dealing with kings.
00:49:44.000 It's some kind of Game of Thrones type shit in a lot of ways.
00:49:48.000 So we were there, and when you're in Dubai, every fucking car you see is $100,000, $200,000.
00:49:58.000 It's all Mercedes and Ferraris and Lamborghinis.
00:50:03.000 It's like everywhere.
00:50:04.000 I mean, it's literally, it's like a joke.
00:50:07.000 It's like a scene in a movie of extreme opulence, like over-the-top opulence, where you go, come on, it's not really like that.
00:50:15.000 But it is really like that.
00:50:16.000 Like, everywhere you go, everyone's got a million-dollar car.
00:50:19.000 And there's Bugatti Veyrons.
00:50:20.000 They're like $1.5 million.
00:50:22.000 It's insane.
00:50:23.000 It's crazy.
00:50:24.000 The amount of wealth.
00:50:25.000 I remember that one of my cousins came to do an English course here at USC. And he had people from all different countries.
00:50:34.000 And so the Abu Dhabi guys...
00:50:39.000 We're good to go.
00:50:47.000 We're good to go.
00:50:49.000 We're good to go.
00:50:54.000 Gave us money because we're educating ourselves and coming back.
00:50:59.000 So they'll pay for everything.
00:51:01.000 And he said, you know, you could go, if you're born there, you can go to the government and be like, I need money for this.
00:51:07.000 And they would just give you the money.
00:51:09.000 Yeah.
00:51:10.000 They were just spending on everyone.
00:51:13.000 Stacks of money.
00:51:14.000 Well, you're not supposed to drink there either.
00:51:16.000 But you can drink in the bars.
00:51:18.000 There's certain bars where they allow it because of Americans and Western people.
00:51:23.000 But as a whole, they don't want drinking.
00:51:27.000 It's very strange.
00:51:28.000 And I had some friends when we were at the UFC. I stayed in Abu Dhabi, but a bunch of the guys...
00:51:35.000 We're bored and they were like, we're gonna go to Dubai and see what's up.
00:51:38.000 They went to a bar and they said it was 90% prostitutes.
00:51:41.000 It was all like Eastern Bloc prostitutes.
00:51:44.000 Like you walked in, it was like a wolf den and just a bunch of wolves looking to fucking snack on you.
00:51:52.000 Like everywhere they went.
00:51:53.000 These girls just go there and they just wait for someone who's got a lot of money.
00:51:58.000 He goes, you, you, you, come with me, eat the ass, let's go.
00:52:01.000 Yeah.
00:52:02.000 And then they leave with a stack.
00:52:03.000 Yeah, fat stacks.
00:52:05.000 Well, if you're a girl and you want to involve yourself with some prostitution, it's probably a good move.
00:52:10.000 You go over there, just clean up for a month or a week, come back with half a year's worth of salary.
00:52:17.000 So people are doing that, though.
00:52:18.000 Mm-hmm.
00:52:19.000 Yeah.
00:52:19.000 According to Red Band.
00:52:21.000 Allegedly.
00:52:21.000 How is he so in on this?
00:52:23.000 He knows things.
00:52:23.000 He knows things.
00:52:24.000 He knows these people.
00:52:25.000 He's aware.
00:52:26.000 He knows that hoeing mentality.
00:52:28.000 He's around hoes.
00:52:29.000 He definitely knows hoes.
00:52:30.000 Yeah.
00:52:31.000 He knows them.
00:52:34.000 We always tease, because we started doing our podcast with him, that he's our retarded stepchild.
00:52:42.000 He has special knowledge.
00:52:44.000 Yeah, he knows things about certain things.
00:52:47.000 It's just like he's got to figure out...
00:52:49.000 He started doing his own podcast.
00:52:52.000 That guy's own thing?
00:52:53.000 First episode just launched last week.
00:52:56.000 And I've been telling him to do that forever.
00:52:58.000 I'm like, it'll be so good for you because you have this weird style, this weird way about you.
00:53:04.000 I'm like, get into it.
00:53:06.000 Yeah.
00:53:07.000 You'll find people that want to see it.
00:53:10.000 But right now, they only see it if you're on someone else's show.
00:53:13.000 Sure.
00:53:14.000 And you're like, do your own show and it could be all your freakiness.
00:53:17.000 Yeah.
00:53:18.000 And then I think...
00:53:20.000 Also, when you do your own show, too, you realize how much is involved in managing the ship, making sure it steers in the right direction, thinking about What the subject you're talking about.
00:53:32.000 Is this entertaining?
00:53:34.000 When do I pick this up?
00:53:36.000 How do I ramp it up?
00:53:37.000 How do I add some new stuff in there?
00:53:39.000 And he has a lot of experience.
00:53:41.000 I mean, you know, we actually love Red Ben.
00:53:43.000 But he steered our ship for a while, you know?
00:53:47.000 Kind of helped shape things.
00:53:49.000 He did it with a lot of people.
00:53:50.000 Imagine if all the people that started podcasts with him could tolerate him and stay.
00:53:55.000 It'll be Ari, Duncan, Joey, Brian Callen, Sam, yeah, Sam Tripoli.
00:54:02.000 Is Sam still doing a show?
00:54:05.000 I thought so.
00:54:05.000 I don't know, but I didn't think he'd stopped.
00:54:08.000 I haven't seen it or heard it in a while.
00:54:10.000 Oh, really?
00:54:10.000 I don't know.
00:54:11.000 Well, those guys definitely still do their punch trunk, their sports one.
00:54:14.000 Yes.
00:54:15.000 That's still a thing, too.
00:54:15.000 Yeah, he still does that.
00:54:16.000 They do that on another network, right?
00:54:18.000 What is that, All Things Comedy?
00:54:20.000 Is that on All Things Comedy?
00:54:21.000 That sounds like an All Things Comedy show, yeah.
00:54:23.000 All Things Comedy has a lot of good shows on it, right?
00:54:25.000 It does, yeah.
00:54:26.000 It does.
00:54:26.000 I mean, it's Madrigal and Burr and then, I mean...
00:54:31.000 We're part of that.
00:54:33.000 Are you?
00:54:34.000 Oh, I didn't know that.
00:54:35.000 Being a part of all things comedy is almost like being part of a collective support thing where everybody still owns their own shows, but you just kind of have more power in numbers thing.
00:54:46.000 How does that work?
00:54:47.000 Well...
00:54:49.000 I think the idea behind it was that if we are all together and we can approach people as, here's what doing business with all things comedy means.
00:55:00.000 It means you're getting this bundle as opposed to just saying one thing.
00:55:04.000 You still get to be your own entity, but you're a part of something when you need to be.
00:55:09.000 And it's great for promotion, too.
00:55:12.000 If my special comes out, so I send out a message to our group, and then everybody who has a podcast will get info about helping to plug my thing.
00:55:24.000 We do that for each other.
00:55:25.000 Oh, okay.
00:55:25.000 That's cool.
00:55:26.000 I mean, if you get every show together, you're getting a few million downloads.
00:55:30.000 Right.
00:55:30.000 Well, we kind of all do that for each other anyway.
00:55:32.000 We do anyways.
00:55:33.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:55:33.000 You know, I'm always tweeting for friends, and you do the same, and we all do that for each other.
00:55:38.000 For sure.
00:55:38.000 We all support each other.
00:55:39.000 That's the best kind of network, right?
00:55:41.000 The kind of network that's totally organic.
00:55:43.000 Yes.
00:55:43.000 There's no financial gain in it at all.
00:55:45.000 We all just kind of help each other.
00:55:47.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:55:48.000 Yeah.
00:55:48.000 I mean, I know we've, as All Things Comedy, we've also worked with sponsors that, you know, the idea was that we're approaching you because we have this collective.
00:55:58.000 Right.
00:55:59.000 And they responded to it.
00:56:00.000 Oh, okay.
00:56:01.000 So, like, they handle the ads and they bring them to you?
00:56:04.000 Is that how it works?
00:56:04.000 Yeah.
00:56:05.000 Like, you know, Al or Bill approach, you know, whatever company and say, we have 50 shows.
00:56:14.000 Here's our gross amount of downloads.
00:56:17.000 If you sign up to do this, set amount, and then kind of divvy it up amongst the people that can do it.
00:56:22.000 So we've done that a few times.
00:56:23.000 That's interesting.
00:56:24.000 So is the amount of money that you get based on the amount of downloads that you have?
00:56:29.000 Yes, exactly.
00:56:31.000 Hmm.
00:56:31.000 Who manages all that?
00:56:33.000 That seems like a nightmare.
00:56:34.000 It's a lot of work, man.
00:56:36.000 I mean, Mike is one of the guys over there, I think Flynn, and I'm trying to remember another name.
00:56:40.000 But it's a job.
00:56:41.000 It's a full-time job.
00:56:42.000 At a certain point in time, though, as your podcast becomes more and more successful, it seems like that would kind of get in the way.
00:56:47.000 Well, it doesn't really, like I said, because those guys are so about Al and Bill.
00:56:52.000 Hey, we're not taking anything from you and do whatever you want.
00:56:57.000 They're not saying, if you do this, you can't do that.
00:57:01.000 It's almost like they're saying, do whatever you do, and in addition, you can do this with us.
00:57:07.000 That's a perfect world, then.
00:57:08.000 It is a perfect world.
00:57:09.000 That's beautiful.
00:57:10.000 Yeah.
00:57:10.000 Your podcast is fucking blown up, man.
00:57:12.000 It's amazing.
00:57:13.000 It's been going well, yeah.
00:57:14.000 It's amazing.
00:57:14.000 You guys do live ones, too.
00:57:16.000 The live ones, I see when you guys tweet about live ones and the people go to them, it's a thing.
00:57:21.000 It's a thing.
00:57:22.000 There's a whole thing going on with the mommies.
00:57:24.000 Yeah.
00:57:25.000 People get excited and they go, live podcasts are something fucking different, man.
00:57:30.000 It's fun, man.
00:57:30.000 We did it at the Ice House in the main room.
00:57:33.000 Yeah.
00:57:33.000 And it sold out almost immediately.
00:57:35.000 When did you do it?
00:57:36.000 A couple months ago, because we've been, you know...
00:57:38.000 When are you doing it again?
00:57:39.000 We don't have it set up, but we need to.
00:57:42.000 Do it.
00:57:42.000 Let me come.
00:57:43.000 I want to be a guest.
00:57:44.000 You want to be a guest on a live one?
00:57:45.000 Fuck yeah.
00:57:45.000 Yeah, please.
00:57:46.000 I want to start doing live podcasts.
00:57:48.000 I've done a few other people's podcasts live, but...
00:57:51.000 It's really fun to do live.
00:57:52.000 I did Fitzsimmons the other day.
00:57:54.000 We had a great time.
00:57:55.000 He's great.
00:57:55.000 We did it in the belly room, his 500th episode, with his buddy Mike.
00:57:59.000 It was awesome.
00:58:00.000 It was really fun.
00:58:01.000 Yeah, we just did his show, too.
00:58:04.000 Fitzsimmons.
00:58:04.000 You find yourself, like, going for jokes more.
00:58:07.000 Like going for laughs.
00:58:08.000 Absolutely.
00:58:08.000 It changes.
00:58:09.000 But here's the thing.
00:58:10.000 They're so geeked up for those laughs.
00:58:12.000 Yes.
00:58:13.000 So it becomes a really fun environment to do it in.
00:58:15.000 I watched another podcast live that's not mine and not yours and not Fitzsimmons.
00:58:20.000 Oh, my God.
00:58:21.000 I wanted to run through a fucking wall.
00:58:23.000 I was like, podcasts are weird, man.
00:58:27.000 They find their own level.
00:58:30.000 Like, water seeks its own level.
00:58:32.000 Yeah.
00:58:32.000 They find their own vibe.
00:58:33.000 Yeah.
00:58:33.000 And there's some podcasts where you go, and there's fans of that podcast.
00:58:38.000 You go and see it, and you're like, this is not my fucking scene.
00:58:42.000 Right.
00:58:42.000 At all.
00:58:44.000 At all.
00:58:45.000 They weren't swearing.
00:58:46.000 They were doing it very much like a radio show.
00:58:48.000 There's got to be a little bit of that, too, don't you think, to probably stand-up shows?
00:58:54.000 Oh, yeah.
00:58:54.000 That you...
00:58:55.000 Fuck yeah.
00:58:55.000 You don't end up walking into, but if you were to go to, oh, so-and-so's here tonight, and it's sold out, and you walk in, you're like, what the fuck is this?
00:59:01.000 Oh, yeah.
00:59:02.000 Well, that's just the way of the world, right?
00:59:04.000 That's how it is with music.
00:59:05.000 With everything.
00:59:06.000 Movies.
00:59:07.000 I mean, have you seen Pitch Perfect?
00:59:10.000 That's a singing one?
00:59:12.000 Exactly!
00:59:12.000 No, you haven't.
00:59:14.000 No.
00:59:14.000 No, but fucking millions of chicks have.
00:59:16.000 They're like, I can't wait!
00:59:17.000 Pitch Perfect!
00:59:19.000 They fucking love it.
00:59:21.000 They get crazy.
00:59:22.000 It's not bad.
00:59:23.000 It's not bad.
00:59:24.000 It's not them.
00:59:24.000 It's what they like.
00:59:26.000 There's a lot of shit I like that people don't like.
00:59:28.000 Yeah.
00:59:29.000 Somebody told me one time, and it was about, you know, a movie had come out.
00:59:33.000 It's one of those, a comedy comes out, and you go, this looks like fucking shit, right?
00:59:38.000 And there's billboards, and there's always a few famous people in it.
00:59:43.000 And I was hating on how shitty it looked and how terrible.
00:59:47.000 And he goes, well, you know, this wasn't made for you.
00:59:51.000 And I go, yeah, I know.
00:59:53.000 He goes, no, no, but there's a lot of people that love this, and this just isn't for, you know, it's not made for you.
01:00:00.000 And I started to think of entertainment differently from the moment that was said to me, that I see things now, trailers, posters, commercials for something, and I go, oh, but this is made for a different audience.
01:00:12.000 Yeah.
01:00:12.000 You know, there's things that are made for me where I respond to and I go, oh, I fucking can't.
01:00:16.000 Well, that's for me.
01:00:17.000 Well, that's why it's so important to do what you like on stage.
01:00:21.000 Oh, yeah.
01:00:22.000 Stand-up-wise.
01:00:23.000 If you start trying to make it for somebody.
01:00:25.000 Those guys are, they're fucked.
01:00:27.000 Those guys who create those squeaky clean acts, but they're not squeaky clean.
01:00:31.000 Yeah.
01:00:31.000 Those are tortured people.
01:00:33.000 Of course.
01:00:33.000 Because they're literally making art that's not for them.
01:00:36.000 Right.
01:00:37.000 But you're you!
01:00:38.000 You're you and you can't be you.
01:00:40.000 The audience won't accept it.
01:00:42.000 You should be talking about roofing chicks and sticking it in when they're asleep.
01:00:48.000 Speaking of Bill Cosby, I watched his lawyer debate some commentator or some television pundit or whatever you would call them, host, and she was explaining You know, how ridiculous these allegations are,
01:01:05.000 and how Mr. Cosby, you know, didn't do any of these things, and that all these women, like, their stories, some of them are just, they were like, he grabbed them by the wrist hard, like, some of them aren't even sexual allegations, and she's like...
01:01:20.000 Effectively sort of muddying the water, and that he is this very rich, wealthy man, and that has to be taken into consideration that these people are doing this for attention.
01:01:31.000 And I was like, wow, this is fascinating to watch the spin, the dance.
01:01:36.000 You know, and the guy was saying, well, there's 50 people, though.
01:01:39.000 And she was like, well, out of those 50, a lot of them are not even sexual allegations, not even sexual assault allegations, which I didn't know.
01:01:45.000 Yeah, only 23. Only 37!
01:01:49.000 It's not that many.
01:01:50.000 I don't know if he did or not, but I haven't heard of another person ever that's had 50 people claim that he raped them by giving them drugs.
01:02:01.000 I know.
01:02:01.000 It's the...
01:02:04.000 I think the sad part is the people who really want to defend the conspiracy theories on it.
01:02:11.000 Oh, yeah.
01:02:11.000 You know, he was about to buy NBC. I don't know if you know that.
01:02:14.000 He was making a move to buy NBC, and they don't want a black man in power like that.
01:02:18.000 That's so ridiculous, man.
01:02:19.000 Oh, they don't?
01:02:20.000 Okay.
01:02:21.000 Nobody wants to take down Cosby.
01:02:24.000 Nobody's agenda was that.
01:02:25.000 If they did, they would have taken down Oprah first.
01:02:28.000 For sure.
01:02:28.000 It's so silly.
01:02:30.000 Oprah's worth more than anyone ever.
01:02:32.000 It's so silly.
01:02:33.000 She's the most successful entertainer ever, and she doesn't even have a talent.
01:02:38.000 She's not a singer, she's not a dancer, she's not a great actress.
01:02:41.000 What does she do?
01:02:41.000 She doesn't tell jokes.
01:02:42.000 What does she do?
01:02:43.000 She talks to people.
01:02:44.000 Gives away cars.
01:02:45.000 Get up in the morning and look at the sun and think.
01:02:48.000 It's like, yeah, okay.
01:02:49.000 Well, she has positive messages.
01:02:51.000 She's super positive.
01:02:51.000 She's really good for menopausal women.
01:02:54.000 They really relate to her in some strange way.
01:02:57.000 She got their vibe down.
01:02:58.000 But I get why people do have their, why they want to defend them.
01:03:03.000 I understand the love.
01:03:05.000 Motivation.
01:03:06.000 Yeah, and feeling like the adoration for them and wanting to defend them.
01:03:11.000 I totally get why they do it.
01:03:12.000 And the reality is we don't know.
01:03:14.000 Yeah, that's true.
01:03:15.000 We really don't know.
01:03:15.000 I mean, the idea that you could never find 50 liars, of course you could.
01:03:20.000 Of course you could.
01:03:22.000 But it's, you know, I think that the argument that I find the most sort of ignorant and uninformed is the one where people go, why'd they wait that long?
01:03:31.000 Yeah, that's ridiculous.
01:03:32.000 If you talk to any sex crimes unit officer, detective, any psychologist about victims of sexual assault, it's not unusual for it to go unreported or for it to go a long time without someone wanting to talk about it.
01:03:49.000 Yeah.
01:03:49.000 It's completely within the spectrum of normal responses to something like that.
01:03:53.000 So when people are like, you know, it happened 25 years ago.
01:03:56.000 Yeah, it's normal.
01:03:57.000 It's normal for someone not to bring it up.
01:03:58.000 Completely normal.
01:03:59.000 Well, there's a lot of shame involved.
01:04:01.000 Of course.
01:04:01.000 And some women, they would rather just forget about it than report it.
01:04:04.000 Yeah.
01:04:05.000 They would rather just pretend it never happened than go through all the public shaming.
01:04:10.000 And then you're dealing with an insanely rich, insanely powerful man who's loved by so many.
01:04:15.000 And then if there was no previous allegations, who the fuck is going to believe you?
01:04:19.000 Yeah.
01:04:19.000 Like, to a woman in 1996, let's say, back when he was, you know, not doing the show anymore, but he's in his heyday, right?
01:04:28.000 Yeah.
01:04:28.000 He's loved by everybody and he's drugging chicks, banging them.
01:04:31.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:04:31.000 She's probably like, how does this?
01:04:33.000 This can't be real.
01:04:34.000 I'll just fuck it.
01:04:35.000 I'll just eat it.
01:04:36.000 I'll just deal with it.
01:04:37.000 Just deal with it.
01:04:38.000 But then it fucks with them, I'm sure, for a long time.
01:04:40.000 Oh, for sure.
01:04:41.000 Could you imagine?
01:04:43.000 Well, that was the weirdest thing, is that some of them claimed that he was in a mentorship role with them.
01:04:48.000 Like, I'll help you with your career.
01:04:49.000 I'll do this.
01:04:50.000 I'll have a coffee.
01:04:51.000 That was his move.
01:04:52.000 His power move, yeah.
01:04:53.000 What's happening?
01:04:54.000 What's happening?
01:04:55.000 Is there more?
01:04:56.000 Is there more?
01:04:56.000 Yeah, you want more coffee?
01:04:57.000 Yeah, it's full.
01:04:59.000 This is good.
01:04:59.000 What is this?
01:05:00.000 That's butter coffee.
01:05:02.000 It's caveman coffee with a little grass-fed butter and some MCT oil.
01:05:06.000 It's good for the soul.
01:05:08.000 It's lovely.
01:05:09.000 I just feel right.
01:05:10.000 Lovely.
01:05:11.000 I feel good.
01:05:12.000 So, you're a Trump supporter, right?
01:05:14.000 Big time, man.
01:05:16.000 I'm the Southern California chapter head.
01:05:21.000 These Bernie Sanders people have been fucking tweeting at me.
01:05:23.000 They're so mad because I said that Bernie Sanders supported 90% taxing of the rich.
01:05:29.000 Apparently it's not exactly true.
01:05:31.000 This is what...
01:05:33.000 So I'll correct it for the Bernie Sanders people because they get upset.
01:05:35.000 What he did say was...
01:05:37.000 They're talking about marginal tax rate, which that means if you make over a certain amount, how much should you tax?
01:05:44.000 Are we going to cap that?
01:05:45.000 He was saying that for a marginal tax rate, is 90% too high?
01:05:52.000 He said no.
01:05:53.000 And that's for extremely wealthy people.
01:05:56.000 So let's say if you make 10 million bucks a year, everything over 10 million bucks they would tax at 90%.
01:06:03.000 And I'm just coming up with a number for 10. But the regular, and he thinks it's not too much to tax 90% over amount.
01:06:12.000 But the problem with this kind of thinking is that people say, well, yeah, it's going to help other people.
01:06:16.000 It's going to be good for other people.
01:06:18.000 Not necessarily.
01:06:20.000 The problem with that kind of thinking is that money goes to the government, and the government is a bunch of fucking monkeys.
01:06:25.000 Yeah.
01:06:25.000 That's the reality.
01:06:26.000 Yeah.
01:06:27.000 It's not like an insanely ethical, really educated, super smart, really disciplined, conservative, fiscally conservative person who's going to take care of this money and allocate it correctly.
01:06:39.000 No.
01:06:40.000 You're going to give it to the government, and you're going to create bigger government.
01:06:43.000 Bureaucracy red tape more people more bullshit more jobs that are bullshit jobs It's not necessarily gonna help people and then he I think Bernie Sanders says a lot of good shit like People that think that I'm a Bernie Sanders hater,
01:06:59.000 he says a lot of good shit.
01:07:01.000 I like what he says about marijuana, but he says some fucking silly shit too.
01:07:06.000 Here's one of the things that he said that drove me crazy.
01:07:08.000 You don't necessarily need a choice of 23 underarm spray deodorants or 18 different pairs of sneakers when children are hungry in this country.
01:07:19.000 Those two things are totally unrelated.
01:07:21.000 That's totally unrelated.
01:07:23.000 So what if you wanted to open up a fucking deodorant company?
01:07:27.000 You shouldn't be able to open up a deodorant company because children are starving?
01:07:31.000 So you should work to feed children?
01:07:34.000 What's the context in which he said that, though?
01:07:37.000 He was just talking about the economy.
01:07:39.000 He was just talking about the world.
01:07:40.000 And the idea of choking on choice.
01:07:45.000 We have too many choices?
01:07:47.000 Yeah, that we have too many choices that we divert our...
01:07:50.000 But here's the thing.
01:07:51.000 When you think about these choices, you're talking about these choices that are created by whatever percentage, whatever number, of 300 million people that has nothing to do with whether or not poor people get fed.
01:08:05.000 It just doesn't.
01:08:06.000 And taking money away from wealthy people doesn't have anything to do with whether or not poor people get fed.
01:08:14.000 I think that one of the things that he said that I agree with wholeheartedly is they need to stop people, these corporations, from hiding their money overseas where they don't have to pay taxes on it.
01:08:25.000 100%.
01:08:25.000 100%.
01:08:26.000 I think that's fucking criminal.
01:08:28.000 If you want all the benefits of living in America, you want all the benefits that are provided to you by this free country, but you want to store your money overseas, fuck you.
01:08:37.000 You don't want to pay taxes on that?
01:08:39.000 Fuck you.
01:08:40.000 But maybe there's some compromise where that tax rate does get adjusted for that a little bit so that they have the incentive, right?
01:08:49.000 To keep it over here.
01:08:50.000 Yeah, because right now the reason they're saying, well, I'm going to keep it over there is because I'm saving so much fucking money.
01:08:56.000 Yeah, but they make so much money.
01:08:58.000 Yeah, I agree.
01:08:59.000 They're just greedy cunts.
01:09:00.000 Those are greedy cunts.
01:09:01.000 For sure.
01:09:01.000 For sure they are.
01:09:02.000 Because you're talking about people that are making insane amounts of money that are doing that.
01:09:05.000 Billions.
01:09:05.000 Some people that are barely getting by.
01:09:08.000 Billions.
01:09:08.000 So I think in that sense, yeah.
01:09:11.000 I'm 100% with him on that.
01:09:13.000 And corporate tax shelters, there's a lot of really sneaky shit where you find out companies made billions of dollars and they paid almost nothing in taxes because of shelters.
01:09:21.000 I'm 100% with him on that.
01:09:22.000 I think he's got a lot of really good points.
01:09:25.000 I mean, he's 100% down with pot.
01:09:27.000 I appreciate that.
01:09:29.000 Position on cannabis is it's totally on Unnecessary and criminal to have it illegal.
01:09:34.000 I believe 100% on that and I also support him 100% on the idea of a living wage Like if somebody works 40 hours a week, they should be able to feed themselves and have a roof over their head Yeah, I'm 100% down with that I think a minimum wage for a kid who's in high school or something like that still lives their parents That's one thing and I think there are entry-level jobs like that where someone should make whatever it is But it should be enough where you could live You know,
01:10:00.000 if you're a person who's 18 years or older and you're working at a job and you are spending eight hours of every 24-hour day working for someone, you should make a living.
01:10:08.000 You should be able to feed yourself without worry, clothe yourself.
01:10:12.000 I'm not talking about opulence.
01:10:13.000 I'm not talking about wealth and driving a Mercedes, but you should definitely be able to take care of yourself.
01:10:18.000 You should.
01:10:19.000 I think the problem with that, because I think a lot of people agree with that, is it's always, well, who's going to pay for that?
01:10:26.000 In other words, the idea is right, and then you go, where will the money come from to support making that a reality?
01:10:34.000 Well, I think the money's got to come...
01:10:35.000 I mean, it's got to be a profitable business, right?
01:10:38.000 Right.
01:10:38.000 So if you had a profitable business, how much of the profit goes to the employees, and how much of the profit goes to the owner of the business?
01:10:45.000 Sure.
01:10:46.000 Like, say if you have a diamond business, right?
01:10:48.000 And you're selling diamonds, and your employees are making $5 an hour.
01:10:51.000 That's kind of fucked up.
01:10:52.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:10:53.000 You know, like, you're making millions, and you're paying your employee $5 an hour.
01:10:57.000 Yeah, that's fucked up.
01:10:58.000 What is it, seven now?
01:10:59.000 What's the minimum?
01:10:59.000 I have no idea.
01:11:00.000 See, and that's obviously an extreme example, but in that extreme example, yeah, man, you need to pay more money to people who work for you.
01:11:08.000 If they didn't work for you, your job wouldn't work.
01:11:12.000 Like, you need someone.
01:11:13.000 Say, if you run a car manufacturing business, right?
01:11:16.000 Yeah.
01:11:17.000 If you don't have employees that put together those cars, you literally don't have cars.
01:11:22.000 You don't have anything to sell.
01:11:24.000 So you need to pay those fucking people, because they're the reason why your cars get made.
01:11:28.000 And if they do a good job, they should be paid well.
01:11:30.000 I totally agree with you.
01:11:31.000 I mean, nothing is...
01:11:32.000 It's...
01:11:33.000 It's horrible when somebody applies themself to a job and can't sustain the minimum, you know, like having a place to live, paying for food.
01:11:41.000 Yeah, it's terrible.
01:11:42.000 It's terrible.
01:11:42.000 I totally agree.
01:11:43.000 The only thing that I'm not smart enough to definitely figure out is, well, what is that number?
01:11:48.000 And then, you know, do you then dictate to different places of business, it's got to be this number or it's got to be this percentage at least?
01:11:58.000 You know, how do you make it a reality?
01:12:01.000 I don't know, man.
01:12:02.000 I do know that Obamacare, according to everyone that I know that runs a business, is a fucking disaster.
01:12:08.000 Really?
01:12:08.000 And it's costing people way more money, costing businesses way more money.
01:12:12.000 I've yet to hear anybody make a convincing argument why it works.
01:12:17.000 But, on the other hand...
01:12:19.000 I'm a fan of the idea of socialized medicine.
01:12:23.000 Sure.
01:12:23.000 I think that medicine should be just like the police and the fire department.
01:12:27.000 I think the people who do it should be paid really well, they should have an incentive to want those jobs, and the people should be able to get the services for free.
01:12:38.000 I really think that.
01:12:41.000 I'm not opposed to private doctors.
01:12:44.000 Say if you're a badass fucking knee surgeon, you work on the NBA, and you work on all these different people, and you're just the best at what you do, you should totally be able to work privately.
01:12:53.000 But the government...
01:12:56.000 Could easily allocate enough money to provide public health care.
01:13:00.000 It's been done in other countries.
01:13:02.000 The fact that it can't be done here, it's impossible.
01:13:05.000 They do it other places.
01:13:06.000 They don't do it well.
01:13:07.000 It sucks in England.
01:13:09.000 It fucking sucks.
01:13:10.000 Does it really?
01:13:11.000 Everybody I talk to that lives over there tell you it's a year if you hurt yourself, a year to get surgery.
01:13:17.000 Because people always cite Canada, too, and I'm sure...
01:13:19.000 Oh, yeah.
01:13:19.000 Canada's a joke, too.
01:13:21.000 Well, I know that...
01:13:22.000 I know a couple Canadian people that when shit got serious, you know, and they needed to see a cardiovascular surgeon, and they talked about that weight, that they were like, fuck it, let's fly over to the Mayo Clinic.
01:13:34.000 Exactly.
01:13:35.000 And then you shell out the money, though.
01:13:36.000 Yeah, and then you have to come to America, and you have to pay for a hotel and airfare, and who knows if you have that money.
01:13:43.000 Yeah, I think...
01:13:44.000 I think there's got to be some sort of a comfortable middle ground, but it's got to be, it's sort of like public school.
01:13:51.000 You know, like you can get educated in this country if you don't have enough money.
01:13:54.000 Right.
01:13:55.000 But is it a good education?
01:13:56.000 No.
01:13:56.000 Not in a lot of parts it's not.
01:13:57.000 Not in a lot of parts.
01:13:58.000 Not in a lot of parts of California.
01:14:01.000 I know.
01:14:01.000 Southern California.
01:14:02.000 Los Angeles.
01:14:03.000 One of the richest fucking cities in all of the United States.
01:14:07.000 Yeah.
01:14:07.000 And the schools are dog shit.
01:14:09.000 Yeah.
01:14:10.000 Dog shit.
01:14:12.000 Yeah.
01:14:13.000 Terrible.
01:14:14.000 There really shouldn't be an excuse for that.
01:14:15.000 No, but you know, also you're dealing with crime, you're dealing with extreme levels of poverty.
01:14:20.000 Engineering that and trying to fix that is not an easy task, but I just don't think you do that by limiting the amount of underarm sprays or toothpaste or fucking the flavors of ice cream or whatever the fuck you want to...
01:14:34.000 I don't see the connection.
01:14:35.000 It doesn't make sense.
01:14:36.000 No, I just don't know.
01:14:37.000 I don't know if he's been a businessman ever.
01:14:40.000 Yeah, I don't think so.
01:14:41.000 That's what I like about Trump.
01:14:43.000 I don't like a lot of things about Trump.
01:14:45.000 I don't like how he talks about Mexicans.
01:14:47.000 That shit drives me crazy.
01:14:49.000 I mean, the idea of people sneaking over here, over the border, like, dude, how do you not have compassion?
01:14:54.000 These fucking people were born in a third world country that's attached to America.
01:14:58.000 I think he knows what he's saying when he's doing that.
01:15:00.000 He's fucking around?
01:15:01.000 Well, I think he's playing to what he knows will get...
01:15:04.000 People go, you're goddamn right, you know, at that place.
01:15:07.000 Yeah, he knows that saying those controversial things that are going to get in the paper are also going to get people going, well, at least someone's saying it.
01:15:17.000 I think he knows that.
01:15:18.000 I don't think it's an accident.
01:15:19.000 Yeah, I think you're probably right in a lot of ways, but I think he gets a big response from that, and he feeds off that response.
01:15:26.000 He loves it.
01:15:27.000 But he's a successful businessman.
01:15:29.000 You know what's something someone told me though?
01:15:31.000 This is really kind of fucked up.
01:15:32.000 If he took that money that his father gave him, his father gave him two million bucks to start his business, If he took that money and put it in a mutual account, it would be worth way more than he currently is worth.
01:15:44.000 That I do not believe.
01:15:46.000 Really?
01:15:47.000 I would check your friend pretty fucking hard.
01:15:49.000 I was not a friend.
01:15:50.000 Someone told me on the internet.
01:15:52.000 Well, if he put that money in a mutual fund, that would have been probably around 35 years ago, $2 million, his net worth Conservatively, it's around $4.5 billion.
01:16:05.000 I mean, do you really think that a mutual fund would have...
01:16:09.000 Well, let's look at it.
01:16:11.000 Jamie, why don't you Google that?
01:16:13.000 If Donald Trump took the money that his father gave him and invested it in blank, whatever it is, whatever that...
01:16:23.000 Whatever that equation is.
01:16:25.000 I mean, shit.
01:16:26.000 Let's see if he would have bought Apple stock, you know?
01:16:28.000 Oh, yeah.
01:16:28.000 It would have been crazy.
01:16:30.000 I don't think it'd be four and a half.
01:16:31.000 What about Google?
01:16:32.000 Billion.
01:16:32.000 Oh, shit.
01:16:33.000 Oh, shit.
01:16:34.000 Yeah.
01:16:34.000 That'd be some big money.
01:16:35.000 Without a doubt.
01:16:37.000 Oh, shit.
01:16:38.000 But you know what's funny is that he goes, I'm worth 10 billion.
01:16:40.000 And Forbes did this breakdown of all his...
01:16:43.000 You know, assets?
01:16:44.000 And they go, no, you're not.
01:16:46.000 And he goes, yeah, I am.
01:16:47.000 And that's kind of how he argues things, is go, yeah, I am, though.
01:16:51.000 You know, he doesn't have the substance, the facts behind it.
01:16:55.000 He just says, yeah.
01:16:55.000 And they go, why are you saying that?
01:16:57.000 He goes, because it sounds better.
01:16:58.000 It sounds better to be worth ten than four and a half.
01:17:00.000 Did he admit that?
01:17:00.000 Yeah, he said that.
01:17:02.000 He said it because it sounds better?
01:17:04.000 Yeah, and they said, in other words, to make him worth 10, he would be inflating the value of a lot of his holdings.
01:17:13.000 In other words, it's like saying, well, I have this house, and it's worth $65 million.
01:17:19.000 But nobody wants to buy it.
01:17:21.000 They're like, well, no houses in that neighborhood sell for that.
01:17:24.000 They sell for $3 million.
01:17:26.000 And he goes, not mine.
01:17:29.000 965. And that's how he determines that he's worth 10. I'm gonna start doing that.
01:17:34.000 It's great.
01:17:36.000 You just tell people, no, you're wrong.
01:17:39.000 Yeah.
01:17:40.000 But I don't think he can hang at all with the elite politicians when it comes to substance and knowing actual policy, knowing details.
01:17:50.000 That's a good point, but here's the question.
01:17:52.000 Is anybody who's running for president an elite politician?
01:17:56.000 Well, I mean, you'd have to say that Hillary's at least way more savvy and knows a lot more about how certainly, you know, how the world works, international affairs.
01:18:08.000 I mean, she was Secretary of State.
01:18:10.000 She knows the ins and outs of a lot of...
01:18:13.000 Well, you would assume she knows that, but wouldn't she know not to use a private email account while she's Secretary of State?
01:18:18.000 It's crazy.
01:18:19.000 It's crazy.
01:18:19.000 She should go to jail for that.
01:18:20.000 It's insane.
01:18:21.000 That's something that if somebody wanted to push, that's a crime.
01:18:25.000 I... You're not allowed to do that.
01:18:27.000 I still don't understand why, even though it's still discussed, how you kind of get away with that, because it just feels like...
01:18:33.000 I don't get it.
01:18:35.000 But, I mean, she's certainly a more savvy politician, I think, than Trump.
01:18:39.000 I don't know.
01:18:40.000 What is savvy, though?
01:18:41.000 Because he's saying shit that's led him to a 39% lead over any other candidate in the Republican Party.
01:18:47.000 Remember when Ben Carson was, like, on the...
01:18:50.000 He was, like, climbing.
01:18:52.000 He was ahead of him at one point.
01:18:54.000 For a minute he was, yeah.
01:18:55.000 That all dried up.
01:18:56.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.
01:18:57.000 I think people are really into the idea, the fantasy of a Trump, you know?
01:19:01.000 But I still think if you get to a debate, it's not that he wouldn't win.
01:19:06.000 Maybe he'd win, but it would be based on, well, you know, you're a fucking loser.
01:19:09.000 Like, it's like that kind of shit.
01:19:10.000 Well, he says shit like that, but it's weird.
01:19:12.000 No one ever does that, but it seems to work.
01:19:14.000 It's that...
01:19:15.000 Yeah, and then I guess you could argue, see, he is savvy.
01:19:19.000 But, I mean, I guess he's not savvy in the traditional sense.
01:19:23.000 I don't think he knows the ins and outs of the way a lot of things work.
01:19:27.000 I think his whole thing is, look, I'm super successful, and I'll get it done.
01:19:31.000 Yeah, but a lot of the ways that things work are kind of bullshit.
01:19:36.000 You know, crony politics and influenced by gigantic corporations.
01:19:43.000 He doesn't have that same sort of influence because he's independently wealthy.
01:19:48.000 Right.
01:19:48.000 There's a lot of weirdness to that.
01:19:49.000 There is.
01:19:50.000 It's like special interest groups don't really have the same sort of pull on him that they have on other people.
01:19:54.000 No, they can't own him.
01:19:55.000 They would never let him say the shit that he's saying.
01:19:57.000 Of course not.
01:19:59.000 No.
01:20:00.000 He wants to put a wall between us and Mexico and call it the Trump wall.
01:20:03.000 Put his fucking name on it.
01:20:04.000 Here's what does amuse me.
01:20:06.000 Anytime, so if this is CNN, and we're in your host of CNN show, and I'm somebody saying like, well, you know, Trump is, he's completely unqualified, and this claim he made is idiotic.
01:20:17.000 He then tweets, saw Tom Segura on CNN. Guy's always been a fucking loser.
01:20:22.000 Yeah.
01:20:25.000 Whoever says anything bad, he'll be like, saw his show last week, not one laugh!
01:20:31.000 Exclamation point.
01:20:32.000 Like shit like that.
01:20:33.000 He does that for everyone.
01:20:34.000 Well, you know, he did that to Ronda Rousey when Ronda got knocked out.
01:20:37.000 He did?
01:20:38.000 Yes.
01:20:38.000 I remember.
01:20:39.000 He said, I'm glad she lost.
01:20:40.000 She's not a good person.
01:20:43.000 And you know why he did that?
01:20:45.000 Because he had claimed that she was a Trump supporter.
01:20:50.000 And then she said, no, I support Bernie Sanders.
01:20:53.000 And he was like, oh, really?
01:20:54.000 So when she lost, he was like, she's a loser.
01:20:57.000 Before that, he was saying that she was a supporter.
01:21:00.000 He was like, all for it.
01:21:01.000 Ronda Rousey supports me.
01:21:03.000 And she was like, the fuck I do?
01:21:04.000 And he's like, she's not a good person!
01:21:07.000 Glad she lost.
01:21:08.000 She's a loser.
01:21:09.000 It's a pretty interesting way of doing it.
01:21:10.000 She's a loser.
01:21:10.000 Yeah, she's a loser.
01:21:11.000 Guy's a loser.
01:21:12.000 Always been a loser.
01:21:13.000 Bunch of losers.
01:21:14.000 Yeah.
01:21:14.000 Remember, he was going back and forth.
01:21:16.000 Look at that.
01:21:17.000 Glad to see that Ronda Rousey lost her championship fight last night.
01:21:21.000 Was soundly beaten.
01:21:22.000 Dash, not a nice person.
01:21:25.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
01:21:26.000 What about you?
01:21:29.000 You're way more of a dick.
01:21:31.000 She's at least not a nice person to sell massive amounts of fucking pay-per-view sales and be the protagonist.
01:21:40.000 He tweets about everybody.
01:21:43.000 If they write an article in the Washington Post, the Washington Post, which has been on the decline for years, had an article written by this loser.
01:21:53.000 Ha ha ha!
01:21:54.000 Sad.
01:21:55.000 I kinda like that!
01:21:56.000 I know, it's pretty funny.
01:21:57.000 I like that part of him.
01:21:58.000 Sad.
01:21:59.000 It's sad.
01:22:00.000 Not a nice person.
01:22:02.000 Yeah.
01:22:04.000 You're fired.
01:22:05.000 Like, that's this whole thing, you know?
01:22:07.000 I was, uh, they gave me an offer to be on that show.
01:22:10.000 I was gonna do it.
01:22:11.000 I was thinking about it.
01:22:12.000 Really?
01:22:12.000 Yeah, I talked to the family.
01:22:14.000 Like, you guys wanna live in New York for a few months?
01:22:17.000 But, you know, they fire you in the beginning.
01:22:19.000 They do all that you're fired stuff in the beginning.
01:22:22.000 Oh, really?
01:22:22.000 So you don't have a chance to go, fuck you.
01:22:25.000 Oh, really?
01:22:26.000 Yeah, like before anyone knows anybody's fired, he fires everybody.
01:22:30.000 Like, Tom, you're fired.
01:22:32.000 And then you get up and leave.
01:22:33.000 Jamie, you're fired.
01:22:35.000 And you get up and walk away.
01:22:36.000 Joe, you're fired.
01:22:37.000 You get up and walk away.
01:22:38.000 And then they do the show.
01:22:39.000 Oh, okay.
01:22:39.000 Yeah, so they don't get a chance to say, let me tell you what I think about you and your fucking plastic hair, you cunt.
01:22:46.000 You fucking sloppy dummy.
01:22:49.000 That was probably done once, and he was like, that's not going to happen again.
01:22:52.000 Well, probably, right?
01:22:54.000 I think he probably planned for it in advance.
01:22:56.000 He's probably a pretty good chess player.
01:22:57.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:22:58.000 I got to look like I'm always the king.
01:23:00.000 But they canceled that show after we talked shit about Mexicans.
01:23:04.000 Yeah, and Macy's ended their partnership.
01:23:06.000 They had a whole line of, you know, Trump ties and shirts.
01:23:09.000 Dead Trump ties?
01:23:10.000 Oh, yeah.
01:23:11.000 Yeah, and they were like, we're done.
01:23:13.000 We're done with you.
01:23:14.000 And then Miss Universe threatened to, or NBC threatened to not air his thing.
01:23:19.000 Oh, that's right.
01:23:20.000 And he posted the contract.
01:23:21.000 He was like, I'll steal your balls off, you know?
01:23:25.000 NBC had a contract with him to air Miss Universe.
01:23:27.000 He does Miss Universe?
01:23:29.000 It's his?
01:23:29.000 Well, he sold it.
01:23:30.000 But he owned Miss Universe and maybe Miss America, too.
01:23:34.000 He owned those pageants.
01:23:35.000 That's hilarious.
01:23:36.000 He owned pageants.
01:23:37.000 Yeah.
01:23:38.000 It's just to be around chicks.
01:23:39.000 He literally just bought those to be around chicks.
01:23:41.000 You think so?
01:23:42.000 For sure!
01:23:43.000 For sure.
01:23:44.000 It's a good move on his part.
01:23:46.000 It's a gangster move.
01:23:47.000 I'm a billionaire.
01:23:48.000 I bought a pageant.
01:23:50.000 I like the Czech Republic this year.
01:23:52.000 What is this?
01:23:53.000 I found some more information about what he inherited.
01:23:56.000 Okay.
01:23:57.000 He was also, when his father died in 1974, him and his siblings took over a $200 million real estate business, which he may have gotten around $40 million of.
01:24:07.000 The bottom of this says if he invested that since 1974 in the S&P 500, he could be worth around $3 billion today.
01:24:14.000 Okay.
01:24:14.000 So it kind of makes sense.
01:24:16.000 All right.
01:24:16.000 But that's also $40 million, not $2 million.
01:24:19.000 Right.
01:24:19.000 Not just the one or whatever he was given.
01:24:21.000 What does it say?
01:24:22.000 So his current claimed network of $8.7 billion would equate to around $120 million in 1974, which is right in the middle of estimates of what he inherited.
01:24:32.000 So that means if he invested that...
01:24:36.000 That doesn't make any sense.
01:24:37.000 That's confusing.
01:24:38.000 Yeah, it says the S&P is up 74-fold since 1974. I see.
01:24:43.000 So if he didn't do anything and just left it there, it'd be about $120 million.
01:24:46.000 But if he did other chances and got good business, things went well for him.
01:24:50.000 It could be worth up to $3.
01:24:51.000 Okay, so what they're saying is, here's a clear example.
01:24:54.000 It says, if he had invested the $40 million in an S&P 500 index fund, he'd be worth about $3 billion today, which is in line with the third-party estimates of $3 billion and $4 billion, which is his net worth.
01:25:08.000 So they estimate between $3 and $4 billion.
01:25:10.000 Yeah.
01:25:11.000 Yeah, which is probably right.
01:25:13.000 Still.
01:25:13.000 Baller.
01:25:14.000 Baller.
01:25:15.000 Still baller.
01:25:16.000 Doesn't have to listen.
01:25:17.000 He can do whatever he wants.
01:25:18.000 I like that he's making a mockery of the whole thing.
01:25:21.000 I like a lot of things about him.
01:25:22.000 And apparently Jeff Ross, who did the Trump roast, says he's a good guy.
01:25:27.000 So you talk to him, he's a good guy.
01:25:29.000 He knows what he's doing.
01:25:31.000 A lot of this fucking fanfare and this craziness and all this shit that he's doing, he's mocking this stupid fucking system.
01:25:38.000 He's a smart guy.
01:25:39.000 He knows what he's doing.
01:25:41.000 I mean, look, he's talked shit about Mexicans, and he's still the fucking front-runner in a giant way.
01:25:47.000 He's like, well, someone's raping.
01:25:49.000 Someone's murdering.
01:25:50.000 We're going to let a bunch of rapists and murderers over there.
01:25:52.000 Are you saying that everyone over there is rapists and murderers?
01:25:55.000 Well, someone's raping.
01:25:56.000 Yeah.
01:25:57.000 Who's doing all the raping?
01:25:59.000 He says crazy shit like that.
01:26:01.000 It flies in the face of, look what happened to that poor fuck, the Mormon, what the fuck's his name, that ran for president last time.
01:26:10.000 The fuck's his name.
01:26:11.000 Romney.
01:26:12.000 That poor fuck, all he said was, we don't have to pay attention to the 47% that aren't going to vote for us.
01:26:18.000 Yeah.
01:26:18.000 The lower 47% that make little money, they're not going to vote for us in the first place, so let's not pay attention to them.
01:26:23.000 That tanked his business.
01:26:25.000 Yeah.
01:26:25.000 That tanked it.
01:26:26.000 Tanked it.
01:26:27.000 They're like, it's over.
01:26:28.000 It's over, bitch.
01:26:29.000 I know.
01:26:29.000 It's over.
01:26:30.000 How about Howard Dean?
01:26:31.000 All he did was cheer.
01:26:33.000 And that was it.
01:26:34.000 That was it.
01:26:35.000 You fragile bitch.
01:26:36.000 You can't even cheer.
01:26:37.000 You can't cheer.
01:26:38.000 You can't scream.
01:26:39.000 Trump can say Mexicans are rapists.
01:26:42.000 And everybody's like, oh, El Chapo wants to kill him.
01:26:45.000 Check these Muslims at the border.
01:26:46.000 Yeah.
01:26:47.000 We should stop letting them in!
01:26:48.000 So crazy.
01:26:49.000 Wait, this is a country founded by letting people in.
01:26:52.000 Yeah.
01:26:52.000 The only way this country got filled is letting people in.
01:26:55.000 Not those people!
01:26:56.000 These people are running.
01:26:58.000 They're leaving their country because radical Muslim terrorists have taken over it.
01:27:03.000 Yeah.
01:27:04.000 What was that?
01:27:05.000 His new ad.
01:27:06.000 His first ad came out this week.
01:27:07.000 What was it?
01:27:10.000 What is it?
01:27:11.000 His first ad?
01:27:13.000 Oh my god, play this for the beginning.
01:27:16.000 Play this for the beginning.
01:27:18.000 Crank it.
01:27:20.000 The politicians can pretend it's something else, but Donald Trump calls it radical Islamic terrorism.
01:27:26.000 That's why he's calling for a temporary shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until we can figure out what's going on.
01:27:32.000 He'll quickly cut the head off ISIS and take their oil.
01:27:36.000 And he'll stop illegal immigration by building a wall on our southern border that Mexico will pay for.
01:27:42.000 We run America great again!
01:27:48.000 Wow.
01:27:49.000 Okay.
01:27:49.000 Okay.
01:27:51.000 He got flack for that shot of the people running.
01:27:53.000 That's not where they were from.
01:27:55.000 That was a shot of Morocco.
01:27:56.000 Yeah.
01:27:56.000 Yeah.
01:27:57.000 That's pretty funny.
01:27:57.000 That's not America.
01:27:59.000 It's not running across my heels.
01:28:00.000 Just get me some brown people running.
01:28:02.000 Any brown people running in black and white footage will take it.
01:28:05.000 Yeah.
01:28:06.000 I don't know.
01:28:07.000 He's entertaining.
01:28:08.000 I will give him that.
01:28:08.000 Oh, fuck yeah!
01:28:08.000 As a show, this is a fun show to watch.
01:28:10.000 It's the best show ever.
01:28:11.000 Yeah.
01:28:12.000 I hope him and Hillary debate.
01:28:14.000 I hope he gets to debate alongside, because I think he'll crush her.
01:28:17.000 Do you think your husband will be back in the White House getting blowjobs like he was?
01:28:22.000 Oh, yeah.
01:28:23.000 He's going to throw some grenades, for sure.
01:28:25.000 He doesn't give a fuck.
01:28:27.000 He'll detonate some.
01:28:28.000 It'll be awesome.
01:28:29.000 And Ben Carson should be involved, too, just to tell us that the Earth is 10,000 years old and Jesus rode a unicorn through the fucking Garden of Eden.
01:28:38.000 You're a doctor.
01:28:40.000 He's a fucking awesome doctor.
01:28:42.000 He's an amazing neurosurgeon.
01:28:44.000 One of the greatest neurosurgeons this country has ever produced.
01:28:47.000 Really?
01:28:48.000 That accomplished?
01:28:49.000 Oh, 100%.
01:28:50.000 Yeah.
01:28:50.000 And he doesn't believe in evolution.
01:28:54.000 He'll say, well, I believe in certain types of evolution.
01:28:58.000 I don't think he's a 10,000 year guy.
01:29:01.000 I don't think he's one of the young earth Christians.
01:29:03.000 But Sarah Palin was.
01:29:05.000 Sarah Palin talked to, allegedly, obviously this is all anecdotal, but she allegedly talked to a librarian in Alaska and told the librarian that she saw photos on the internet of a dinosaur footprint with a human footprint inside of it.
01:29:19.000 What?
01:29:20.000 Which means dinosaurs and people were in the same area walking.
01:29:25.000 Is that recorded?
01:29:26.000 No, it would be amazing if it was.
01:29:29.000 Yeah.
01:29:29.000 A lot of young earth Christians, man.
01:29:31.000 I don't know the argument that they make for carbon footprinting things, because that's how...
01:29:37.000 Bullshit!
01:29:37.000 It's just a bullshit science?
01:29:38.000 It's made by losers!
01:29:41.000 Not a nice person!
01:29:42.000 Yeah.
01:29:43.000 Oh, that guy that said that's fucking dumb.
01:29:44.000 I know who you're talking about.
01:29:45.000 He's always been a loser.
01:29:46.000 I'm waiting for the day when no one runs for president.
01:29:49.000 I'm waiting for the day where the fucking roster is just...
01:29:51.000 Everybody gives up.
01:29:52.000 It's like, as soon as we can read minds and figure out exactly what people, what their intention is and what their past is, and you have to sign up for the mind-reading machine in order to be president, that's going to be the end.
01:30:06.000 It's a wrap!
01:30:07.000 I do think, I look at it so much differently now at this age when I see people, I'm like, you're just, they're all just egomaniacs.
01:30:14.000 Their egos are climbing out of their skin to want to be, to go through that, to be the president.
01:30:21.000 Well, Obama's publicly stated that it's not what he thought it was, and that all these people that are lining up to do it, like, listen, the fame wears off, is what he said.
01:30:31.000 And then people criticized him by taking that quote out of context and showing a bunch of pictures of him with famous people, smiling and laughing, handing out with Jay-Z and rich people, and ha ha ha ha ha ha!
01:30:43.000 And then there was this whole story about his vacations, how much his vacations cost while he was in the White House.
01:30:49.000 All the president's vacations cost a ton.
01:30:51.000 All of them.
01:30:52.000 Well, they have to fly in Air Force One, and they got Secret Service everywhere.
01:30:55.000 They fly out the vehicles.
01:30:57.000 Yeah, of course.
01:30:57.000 Yeah.
01:30:58.000 Well, they have bulletproof cars.
01:30:59.000 Yeah.
01:30:59.000 They have to.
01:31:00.000 His Hawaiian vacations, apparently, during his time in the White House, it's been $70 million taxpayers have had to pay.
01:31:07.000 That's a lot of money.
01:31:09.000 It's a little pricey.
01:31:10.000 Jesus Christ.
01:31:11.000 It is a little pricey.
01:31:13.000 It's a good trip, though, man.
01:31:14.000 We had a great time on that trip.
01:31:15.000 Remember that?
01:31:16.000 Golfing.
01:31:16.000 He was golfing.
01:31:17.000 That $70 million trip we took?
01:31:19.000 Yeah.
01:31:19.000 Jesus.
01:31:20.000 He was golfing when the San Bernardino murders were taking place.
01:31:24.000 He went golfing.
01:31:26.000 Out there with his little skinny legs, picking up golf balls.
01:31:29.000 Yeah.
01:31:29.000 Dude doesn't do any squats.
01:31:30.000 Dude, there's this shooting going on.
01:31:31.000 Man, I'm trying to play this back nine.
01:31:33.000 Give me a second.
01:31:34.000 Why do they all play golf?
01:31:35.000 Can you be president?
01:31:37.000 There's two things you can't be if you want to be president.
01:31:39.000 You can't be someone who doesn't believe in God, and you can't be someone who doesn't play golf.
01:31:44.000 I think we're about to see maybe a change to that.
01:31:47.000 What, Hillary?
01:31:47.000 I don't think she plays.
01:31:49.000 She's going to be golfing if she wins.
01:31:50.000 Bernie?
01:31:50.000 You think if he won, he would play?
01:31:52.000 Well, first of all, I'll make golf illegal, and I'll turn those places into places where the homeless people live.
01:31:58.000 Yeah, he would be like, these courses are a waste of space.
01:32:00.000 They are.
01:32:01.000 Yeah.
01:32:01.000 The courses...
01:32:03.000 I don't have a good Bernie impression.
01:32:04.000 I need to get a good Bernie impression.
01:32:05.000 Have you seen, I think it's James Adomian.
01:32:07.000 Who's that?
01:32:08.000 He's a comic and an actor.
01:32:10.000 His Bernie Sanders is unbelievable.
01:32:11.000 Oh, let's find it.
01:32:12.000 How do you spell his last name?
01:32:13.000 I think it's A-D-O-M-I-A-N. James Adomian.
01:32:20.000 I think that's it.
01:32:21.000 Bernie Sanders!
01:32:22.000 Oh, you know who else does a good one?
01:32:24.000 Stephen Crowder.
01:32:25.000 He calls it Bernie Claus.
01:32:28.000 Stephen Crowder fucking mocks Bernie pretty heavy.
01:32:31.000 Really?
01:32:32.000 Yeah, he's pretty funny in his Bernie Claus impression.
01:32:36.000 Bernie Claus.
01:32:36.000 You know who Crowder is?
01:32:37.000 He's kind of like an internet comedian, but politically conservative.
01:32:41.000 He did a really funny thing.
01:32:44.000 Social justice warriors are always saying that you should ask people what their correct gender pronouns are because some people like to use Z and H-I-R and all these different non-conventional gender pronouns because they're either genderqueer and they don't want to be labeled in a specific male or female gender.
01:33:06.000 Your setup for this is exhausting, just to you know.
01:33:11.000 Jesus.
01:33:13.000 I want to punch whoever fucking told you this.
01:33:16.000 It's the worst thing I've ever heard.
01:33:18.000 God.
01:33:20.000 I'm having an aneurysm right now.
01:33:22.000 I'm just thinking about where this is going to go.
01:33:24.000 Well, this is real.
01:33:26.000 See, you're paying attention to Throatzilla.
01:33:31.000 And I'm paying attention to ridiculous social requirements that people in college today are asking people to do.
01:33:38.000 And they want people to ask other people's social, you know, like they have like this real rigid idea of how you're supposed to behave socially.
01:33:47.000 And you're supposed to ask their preferred gender pronouns.
01:33:49.000 Like, I can't just assume that you are a man.
01:33:53.000 I have to ask you.
01:33:54.000 I'm not kidding!
01:33:55.000 I know.
01:33:55.000 There's a guy, we had this guy on who was a guest who said that one of his colleagues was, I think he was fired, because he refused to, he had a student in his class that would change his gender pronoun from him to her and her to him.
01:34:10.000 And it would go back and forth, back and forth, depending on what days of the week.
01:34:14.000 Like, some days he wanted to be a girl, and some days he wanted to be a boy, and this professor was not willing to do that, and so he was fired.
01:34:20.000 Good for the professor.
01:34:21.000 That's one where I 100% support.
01:34:23.000 If you're going back and forth on, today she is here, and tomorrow he might be back.
01:34:29.000 Maybe it's tomorrow I'm Z. I'm not her, I'm Z. And then the next day I'm H-I-R, her.
01:34:36.000 Alright, I give the fuck up.
01:34:37.000 Well, you know, Harvard released a list of possible gender pronouns.
01:34:43.000 Yes.
01:34:44.000 And so, like, they sent it home with people to, like, I want you to be aware of these potential gender pronouns and gender-neutral pronouns that you should be aware that people want them to use.
01:34:56.000 Fuck me.
01:35:02.000 I would just...
01:35:05.000 Walk around, I would go, he, and then if someone was like, no, I'd be like, whatever, I'm sorry.
01:35:09.000 You have a fucking beard, lady!
01:35:11.000 I'm sorry!
01:35:12.000 You're a he!
01:35:14.000 Jesus Christ.
01:35:15.000 You can't have a fucking Tom Segura style beard and be a she.
01:35:19.000 She?
01:35:19.000 No.
01:35:19.000 Her.
01:35:19.000 Maybe you're Z. You're Z. Z. Z Segura?
01:35:23.000 Z. Z Segura?
01:35:25.000 Mister?
01:35:26.000 Can I say mister?
01:35:26.000 No.
01:35:27.000 No.
01:35:27.000 Well, when he was in class.
01:35:29.000 Ah, excuse me!
01:35:30.000 When Z was in class.
01:35:32.000 Don't say it.
01:35:32.000 When Z was in class.
01:35:33.000 When her was in class.
01:35:34.000 So are H-I-R. Here.
01:35:35.000 They're really using Z? Oh yeah.
01:35:40.000 Z-H-E. Here it is.
01:35:41.000 Gender binary.
01:35:43.000 These are gender binary.
01:35:44.000 He, she, her, him.
01:35:47.000 But gender neutral.
01:35:48.000 Are they, them, theirs?
01:35:50.000 Like some people on their Twitter page have preferred gender pronouns.
01:35:54.000 Use pronouns.
01:35:55.000 Z, h-r-r, h-i-r-s, z-h-e-e, here, here's, here, here.
01:36:03.000 How about here?
01:36:04.000 Pronunciation.
01:36:05.000 H-i-r is here.
01:36:06.000 It's not even her.
01:36:08.000 Z. Zier.
01:36:10.000 Ziers.
01:36:11.000 Ziers.
01:36:14.000 Sometimes Z, if you get crazy, they spell it with an X-Z. This looks like another class I would have failed.
01:36:19.000 I would have run right through the fucking door.
01:36:23.000 I would have never even bothered to open it.
01:36:25.000 Jesus Christ.
01:36:25.000 No!
01:36:26.000 Get me out!
01:36:27.000 Boom!
01:36:28.000 I would have been like the Kool-Aid guy.
01:36:29.000 I would have left my outline like in the cartoons.
01:36:31.000 Yeah.
01:36:33.000 Gone.
01:36:34.000 I'm gone.
01:36:35.000 I'm not doing it, man.
01:36:36.000 I'm really not doing it.
01:36:37.000 What the fuck, man?
01:36:39.000 What is going on?
01:36:41.000 I'll tell you what's going on.
01:36:42.000 Everybody got a trophy.
01:36:44.000 Participation trophies.
01:36:45.000 Yeah, I'm against that for sure.
01:36:46.000 Oh, that's what did it.
01:36:47.000 Yeah.
01:36:48.000 Everybody got attention for who they are.
01:36:49.000 I'm amazing on my own right.
01:36:51.000 No.
01:36:51.000 I'm here.
01:36:52.000 I'm zeer.
01:36:53.000 I remember, you know, losing games.
01:36:56.000 And it sucked.
01:36:57.000 That was part of the thing, is that you remember it sucks.
01:37:00.000 Yeah, that's why winning is awesome.
01:37:02.000 Yeah.
01:37:02.000 Winning is awesome because you're not a loser.
01:37:04.000 Yeah.
01:37:05.000 Yeah, when no one's a loser, winning isn't awesome anymore.
01:37:07.000 Right.
01:37:08.000 Because everybody gets participation trophies.
01:37:10.000 No.
01:37:11.000 Yeah, well, my daughter, when she was three, she was playing soccer, and no one won.
01:37:14.000 I was like, what do you mean no one won?
01:37:15.000 This team scored five, that team scored zero, that team fucking won.
01:37:19.000 Nope, we don't celebrate that.
01:37:21.000 I'm going to look into a league for my kid that definitely has winners and losers.
01:37:28.000 Oh yeah, for sure.
01:37:29.000 Yeah.
01:37:30.000 Well, when my daughter played softball, too, and she was six.
01:37:33.000 This was not even the three-year-old.
01:37:36.000 When my seven-year-old was six, she was playing softball, and they didn't count the score.
01:37:42.000 I don't get it, man.
01:37:43.000 They would run, and everybody would high-five, and nobody would count the score.
01:37:46.000 They wouldn't count.
01:37:47.000 It's just about playing.
01:37:48.000 Bullshit!
01:37:49.000 What's the point of hitting the ball then?
01:37:51.000 How about we just throw the ball around?
01:37:53.000 How about you just hit balls randomly?
01:37:55.000 No.
01:37:55.000 Someone's pitching.
01:37:56.000 You're trying to hit it.
01:37:57.000 If you don't hit it, you're a loser.
01:37:58.000 Okay?
01:38:00.000 Yeah.
01:38:01.000 You suck at this.
01:38:02.000 You know what I sucked at?
01:38:04.000 T-ball.
01:38:05.000 Where the ball sits on the tee, and it doesn't move.
01:38:08.000 I had trouble with that.
01:38:09.000 I couldn't hit the tee.
01:38:10.000 Well, that's the other thing they do with kids.
01:38:11.000 If they can't hit the pitch, they give them a couple pitches, and they can't hit it, then they put it on the little stick.
01:38:16.000 And they set it up for them, and they hit it.
01:38:18.000 And they get them on base, for sure.
01:38:19.000 A lot of times, yeah.
01:38:20.000 A lot of times, they don't even hit the ball.
01:38:23.000 They hit the stick itself, and the ball falls down, and then they just start running like they just won the World Series.
01:38:28.000 Yeah.
01:38:29.000 Yeah.
01:38:30.000 I got out of t-ball pretty quick.
01:38:32.000 I was like, I suck at this shit.
01:38:34.000 I was bad at every sport until I did martial arts.
01:38:37.000 I was okay at baseball, but I wasn't a good baseball player because I wouldn't listen to the coach ever.
01:38:44.000 They would say, go on there and try to hit a single.
01:38:46.000 Okay, whatever.
01:38:47.000 And I'd get up to the point every time.
01:38:49.000 Every time.
01:38:50.000 Swing for the bleachers.
01:38:52.000 You know why?
01:38:52.000 Because I hit a couple of them and it was awesome.
01:38:55.000 It's the best.
01:38:55.000 When you feel that TINK! That crack of the bat and that ball starts flying through the air.
01:39:01.000 You're like, yeah!
01:39:03.000 Sweet spot, man.
01:39:04.000 There's that feeling, man.
01:39:05.000 There's that feeling that you only get when you hit a home run.
01:39:09.000 Of course.
01:39:09.000 You don't get that feeling when you get on base.
01:39:11.000 No.
01:39:12.000 That's like, oh, okay, I'm not a loser.
01:39:14.000 When you get on base, you're like, I'm not a loser.
01:39:15.000 But when you...
01:39:18.000 You watch that thing fucking sail into the bleachers.
01:39:21.000 You're a winner.
01:39:22.000 Winner.
01:39:22.000 Now you're a winner.
01:39:23.000 You'll won.
01:39:24.000 I agree.
01:39:24.000 You hit a home run.
01:39:25.000 You come back, everybody's high-fiving you, and the coach's like, I told you to get on base.
01:39:29.000 You could fuck all the way off, dummy.
01:39:31.000 I just hit a home run.
01:39:33.000 Yeah, that's why in football they always try to teach you when you tackle to wrap up.
01:39:37.000 You know, they're like, lower your body, head to the side, shoulder into the chest, and then you wrap up.
01:39:43.000 But you know what you try to do?
01:39:44.000 You try to light people up.
01:39:47.000 And you miss, you know?
01:39:48.000 The guy bounces off of it, but every once in a while you lay somebody the fuck out and you're like, what's up now?
01:39:54.000 So that's...
01:39:56.000 That's why you do that, you know?
01:39:58.000 That is why you do that.
01:39:59.000 What the fuck is wrong with these coaches?
01:40:01.000 Raising a bunch of pussies that want to be called Z. Or her.
01:40:05.000 Or Zer.
01:40:07.000 Zer.
01:40:08.000 Zer.
01:40:09.000 Well, let's see the Bernie impression.
01:40:10.000 Do we have it?
01:40:11.000 Do we fire it up?
01:40:13.000 What's his name again?
01:40:14.000 James Adomian.
01:40:15.000 Where's he at?
01:40:16.000 He's here.
01:40:17.000 He's an L.A. guy.
01:40:18.000 Oh, okay.
01:40:19.000 Pop.
01:40:19.000 Let's go full screen on this bitch.
01:40:21.000 Give James Adomian some props.
01:40:23.000 Yeah, he's funny, dude.
01:40:35.000 So that in the unlikely event that I am elected to office and there's not an immediate military coup d'etat to take me out of power, this country will engage in an unprecedented revolution politically to take on the billionaire class.
01:40:55.000 That's really good.
01:40:57.000 Because in a society with a top 1% of the top 10% of the top 1% of the top 10% of the top 1% of the top 10% for those of you not tracking it that's.00000001 of the top 1% This is a great country.
01:41:21.000 This is a great country.
01:41:23.000 This is a fun place.
01:41:25.000 That's pretty good too.
01:41:26.000 And I promise, I'm killing everyone in the polls.
01:41:29.000 I can guarantee this.
01:41:30.000 I'm killing everyone in the polls.
01:41:31.000 And if I'm elected president, I will kill everyone.
01:41:34.000 I promise you that.
01:41:36.000 I can promise you that.
01:41:38.000 Here's some facts, okay?
01:41:39.000 The minute I become president, we start the Anchor Baby program where we start bronzing Mexican immigrants and putting them on naval ships so that they're put to use finally.
01:41:51.000 I'm just saying, bronze them and make it a real thing.
01:41:54.000 It's no longer an offensive metaphor.
01:41:56.000 Now, I know what you're thinking.
01:41:58.000 I know what you're thinking.
01:41:59.000 Barney, you look like you're running for president of the Muppet Show.
01:42:03.000 Look at his fucking hair.
01:42:04.000 It's so crazy.
01:42:06.000 They grew it on the left and the right.
01:42:08.000 It's two wigs.
01:42:08.000 I was forcibly held down in a cotton candy machine.
01:42:12.000 Shit.
01:42:14.000 That is true, but it happened while it was simultaneously being struck by lightning, giving me a rare superpower where I am simultaneously completely bald and I have more hair than anyone else running for president.
01:42:30.000 Nearly impossible to go!
01:42:33.000 That's great.
01:42:34.000 And so is the, I don't know the Trump guy's name, but he's great too.
01:42:37.000 Yeah, what is his name?
01:42:37.000 What's the Trump guy?
01:42:38.000 If you press, if you highlight the video, yeah, it's Anthony, what is it?
01:42:41.000 Oh.
01:42:42.000 James Adamanian, Adomian, and Anthony...
01:42:46.000 Adam Manwick.
01:42:48.000 Boy.
01:42:48.000 Yeah.
01:42:49.000 Both immigrants, obviously.
01:42:50.000 Both names.
01:42:52.000 Both probably Muslim terrorists.
01:42:54.000 Probably.
01:42:56.000 That's funny.
01:42:57.000 He does a really good Trump, too.
01:42:58.000 Yeah.
01:42:59.000 That's good.
01:42:59.000 That Trump is good.
01:43:00.000 It's really good.
01:43:01.000 But that fucking Bernie Sanders is on point.
01:43:03.000 It really is, man.
01:43:05.000 And talking about the percentages of the percentage, he got the substance of it down, too.
01:43:10.000 Well, everybody's looking for somebody that comes along and stands out as being the counter to what we're experiencing, you know?
01:43:17.000 Yeah.
01:43:17.000 No one feels like any of these people represent them, except maybe Ted Cruz fans.
01:43:22.000 There's a few fucking weirdos.
01:43:25.000 I like the guys that still stay in it, you know, when they know there's not even a shot.
01:43:30.000 Why do you think they do it?
01:43:32.000 You're just in denial.
01:43:33.000 Or they're hoping.
01:43:34.000 Yeah, but there's a certain point where you know it's not going to turn around.
01:43:38.000 They're still like, I don't know.
01:43:40.000 I've still got a shot.
01:43:41.000 You know you don't have a shot.
01:43:42.000 I mean, is Jeb still in it?
01:43:44.000 Is he still in it?
01:43:44.000 I think Jeb is laying back.
01:43:46.000 This is my thought.
01:43:48.000 My thought is Jeb is rope-a-doping.
01:43:50.000 He's letting all these people beat each other up, and he's laying way back.
01:43:54.000 And I think he's going to be the eventual Republican nominee.
01:43:57.000 That's what I believe.
01:43:58.000 His numbers are terrible, aren't they?
01:44:01.000 Yep, and he's not trying.
01:44:02.000 He's not trying to do anything about it.
01:44:03.000 He's got a long way to go.
01:44:05.000 November, right?
01:44:07.000 Which is almost a year from now.
01:44:09.000 Think about what can happen publicly in a year.
01:44:12.000 In a year, people become superstars, from no name to superstars.
01:44:16.000 In this world, the world we're experiencing today, this is a different world.
01:44:21.000 Like, you gotta be careful.
01:44:22.000 And if you're a media-savvy guy, and I gotta assume that anybody who grows up where his fucking dad was president and his brother was president, boy, if anybody understands that business, it's him and Hillary.
01:44:35.000 But Hillary looks so tired.
01:44:37.000 She looks exhausted.
01:44:39.000 She looks super unhealthy.
01:44:43.000 Here's a thought.
01:44:44.000 Ready?
01:44:45.000 Hillary Clinton and Christie Brinkley are essentially the same age.
01:44:53.000 Are they?
01:44:55.000 Aren't they?
01:44:55.000 I don't know.
01:44:56.000 I bet they are.
01:44:57.000 I bet they're fucking close.
01:44:59.000 Who would you rather hook up with?
01:45:00.000 Hillary, just for the story.
01:45:02.000 Yeah, that's a good story.
01:45:03.000 Christy Brinkley, it's like, so you're gonna marry her, bro?
01:45:06.000 Yeah.
01:45:06.000 Well, Hillary's like, ew, what were you thinking?
01:45:08.000 Dude, I was doing coke, and I had fucking Viagra in me.
01:45:15.000 Yeah, I did 200 milligrams of Viagra, I did 10 lines of coke, I drank a bottle of tequila, I was on ecstasy, and I ate mushrooms.
01:45:25.000 She's had a real dog, too, so she's had some savage sex, I think, you know?
01:45:29.000 You think so?
01:45:30.000 Sure.
01:45:30.000 She probably hasn't been fucked in forever.
01:45:32.000 You don't think so?
01:45:33.000 She's probably been a lesbian for the last 30 or 40 years, at least.
01:45:36.000 Just hangs in there with them?
01:45:38.000 They made a deal.
01:45:39.000 I think they made a deal.
01:45:41.000 Let's just take a picture together.
01:45:41.000 What am I now?
01:45:42.000 What the fuck do I know?
01:45:43.000 I'm talking shit.
01:45:44.000 But I gotta assume...
01:45:46.000 First of all, if you got a guy like Bill, you get to know him, you know that dude's a freak.
01:45:52.000 He's a whip his dick out type freak.
01:45:54.000 He's one of those guys like, hey, how are you?
01:45:56.000 What do we have here?
01:45:58.000 That's my dick.
01:45:59.000 Belongs in your mouth.
01:46:00.000 Look at that.
01:46:01.000 Christy Brinkley.
01:46:02.000 Bam.
01:46:03.000 Bam.
01:46:04.000 Bam.
01:46:06.000 But that's a really good picture of Hillary, too, by the way.
01:46:11.000 There's some horrific pictures of Hillary.
01:46:14.000 You can find some monstrous ones.
01:46:16.000 That's probably from about 30, 40 years ago, too.
01:46:19.000 How long was that picture?
01:46:20.000 It says it's November 21st, so two months old.
01:46:24.000 Lies.
01:46:24.000 That's photoshop.
01:46:25.000 The same people that girls are on Instagram, they use that.
01:46:29.000 She's listed as 68 and Christy Brinkley 61, so a seven year gap.
01:46:33.000 Whatever.
01:46:34.000 There's no way that Christy Brinkley is going to look that bad in seven years.
01:46:38.000 Go for a better picture of Christy Brinkley.
01:46:40.000 That can happen in seven years.
01:46:41.000 Look at that.
01:46:42.000 Look at her face right there.
01:46:44.000 Get the fuck out of here.
01:46:45.000 Dude, she's hot.
01:46:48.000 But she's also genetically gifted, you know?
01:46:50.000 That's her gift, to look like that.
01:46:54.000 You don't think so?
01:46:55.000 I think there's a lot involved.
01:46:57.000 It's not just genetics involved.
01:46:59.000 She certainly was genetically gifted at the jump.
01:47:03.000 To have that bone structure.
01:47:04.000 Yeah.
01:47:05.000 But there's a lot involved there.
01:47:07.000 First of all, there's massive exercise, diet.
01:47:09.000 She takes care of herself.
01:47:10.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:47:11.000 Gotta be some Botox and some cautious use of fillers.
01:47:15.000 Kegels.
01:47:16.000 Yeah.
01:47:16.000 Look at that one right there.
01:47:17.000 Like, come on, man.
01:47:18.000 That's a hot 35-year-old.
01:47:20.000 Right.
01:47:20.000 How is that possible?
01:47:22.000 How is that?
01:47:23.000 That doesn't make any sense.
01:47:24.000 Why aren't her teeth rotting out of her fucking head?
01:47:27.000 Are those real?
01:47:27.000 They can't be real teeth.
01:47:28.000 Probably not hers, yeah.
01:47:29.000 Those teeth are made out of like ivory from murdered elephants.
01:47:35.000 Yeah.
01:47:36.000 Those aren't real teeth.
01:47:37.000 And you know what?
01:47:38.000 My grandmother died when she was like 64. And her teeth look like shit.
01:47:43.000 Why is she so hot?
01:47:44.000 I appreciate the effort, too.
01:47:46.000 By the way, her forehead would not move if you had a hundred Mexicans and six trucks trying to move it.
01:47:52.000 Yeah, it's...
01:47:54.000 All the moving trucks in the world are not gonna make that fucking forehead move.
01:47:57.000 That thing is frozen in time like a bully mammoth trapped underneath a glacier.
01:48:06.000 Nothing's moving.
01:48:07.000 Look at the fucking forehead.
01:48:09.000 That shit ain't moving.
01:48:10.000 She barely has some lines on the corner of her eyes.
01:48:13.000 That's it.
01:48:13.000 She's hot as fuck though.
01:48:15.000 Yeah.
01:48:15.000 Whatever she's doing, everyone should do it.
01:48:17.000 We should all do it.
01:48:18.000 And by the way, this is what we're seeing from this rare of rare.
01:48:22.000 The 1% of the 1% of the 1%!
01:48:26.000 This is...
01:48:26.000 She's the rarest of the rare when it comes to, like, women in their 60s that are still hot as fuck.
01:48:32.000 She's 100% hot as fuck.
01:48:34.000 Right.
01:48:34.000 That...
01:48:35.000 Is what women are going to look like in the future.
01:48:37.000 There's this doctor, I think his name is Peter Welling.
01:48:40.000 The same guy who created Regenikine, that blood spinning procedure.
01:48:44.000 They are literally months away from launching some new treatment where it reignites your body's ability to produce collagen.
01:48:52.000 Yeah.
01:48:53.000 And so collagen is what makes your face turn all Hillary.
01:48:56.000 Yeah.
01:48:56.000 Like hang and droop and it loses all its elasticity.
01:48:59.000 They're going to...
01:49:00.000 Bring that shit right back to life.
01:49:02.000 Your face pops up?
01:49:03.000 No more when women get those old lady elbows.
01:49:07.000 Yeah.
01:49:08.000 Where the skin's just hanging.
01:49:10.000 Nobody wants to see that.
01:49:11.000 So what will they do?
01:49:12.000 They'll just...
01:49:13.000 I don't know.
01:49:13.000 I don't understand the procedure.
01:49:14.000 But it'll tighten up on you.
01:49:16.000 You're going to...
01:49:17.000 Your body's collagen production is going to re-kickstart.
01:49:21.000 It's going to just jam back into your skin and your cells are going to flourish and they're just going to fucking look elastic and...
01:49:29.000 Yeah, you're going to...
01:49:30.000 Ooh, wonderful again.
01:49:32.000 I like it.
01:49:33.000 Yeah.
01:49:34.000 I like us all walking around all tight-faced.
01:49:36.000 Yeah, hot.
01:49:37.000 Mm-hmm.
01:49:37.000 Crazy.
01:49:38.000 Yeah.
01:49:38.000 Can you imagine?
01:49:39.000 Yeah.
01:49:40.000 Yeah.
01:49:40.000 Old ladies are going to snap back to life.
01:49:43.000 Start strength training again.
01:49:45.000 Build their butt up.
01:49:46.000 Ooh.
01:49:46.000 And they'll be looking for...
01:49:47.000 They'll still have old lady feet.
01:49:48.000 D. Ugh, yeah.
01:49:50.000 Keep socks on.
01:49:51.000 Keep those socks on.
01:49:52.000 Big, thick socks.
01:49:53.000 I don't even see the twisted shape underneath.
01:49:57.000 And that heel crust that won't go away.
01:50:00.000 Ooh, heel crust.
01:50:01.000 Don't they have treatments for that, though?
01:50:03.000 They sand it down, right?
01:50:05.000 Yeah, there's commercials for it.
01:50:06.000 Pumice stones.
01:50:07.000 They're always trying to...
01:50:08.000 things that'll just shave it off, but I don't know.
01:50:11.000 Have you ever seen that show, Dual Survivor?
01:50:13.000 Yes.
01:50:14.000 Wait, is that the one where it's a couple ex-military guys and they drop them off?
01:50:20.000 They're wandering around.
01:50:21.000 Yeah.
01:50:21.000 They survive.
01:50:22.000 Drop them off in a lake or something.
01:50:23.000 It's like sort of a fake version of Survivor Man with two dudes.
01:50:27.000 Yes.
01:50:28.000 But one of the guys who's a survival expert, and I use air quotes for that.
01:50:32.000 I'm sure he's an expert.
01:50:33.000 Yeah.
01:50:33.000 But I think his name is Cody.
01:50:35.000 He's completely crazy.
01:50:37.000 He doesn't wear shoes.
01:50:38.000 Ever.
01:50:39.000 Ever.
01:50:40.000 Ever.
01:50:41.000 So he goes through the jungle, wandering through the jungle barefoot, and his feet are a fucking atrocity.
01:50:47.000 They have to be.
01:50:48.000 They have to be.
01:50:49.000 They're a crime against nature.
01:50:51.000 His feet, he doesn't wear shoes.
01:50:53.000 Ever.
01:50:54.000 Ever.
01:50:54.000 So he's just developed these insanely thick calluses on his feet.
01:50:58.000 Like, there's photos of his feet online.
01:51:00.000 What is that?
01:51:03.000 Well, that's a good photo.
01:51:04.000 His feet look great there.
01:51:06.000 But you gotta see what his feet look like when they get close up on the bottoms of him.
01:51:12.000 I've seen some horrific photos of what his feet look like.
01:51:16.000 But he just walks everywhere.
01:51:20.000 Through the jungle, like there's his heel.
01:51:22.000 Oh my fucking god.
01:51:23.000 Yeah, look how thick it is.
01:51:24.000 It's all cracked and everything.
01:51:26.000 Jesus Christ.
01:51:27.000 It's called dual survivor.
01:51:28.000 Yeah, there's the bottoms of his feet.
01:51:31.000 Look at that.
01:51:32.000 I don't want to.
01:51:33.000 That's so gross.
01:51:36.000 Made my eyes water.
01:51:37.000 He's got elephant skin feet.
01:51:40.000 God.
01:51:41.000 Yeah.
01:51:41.000 Well, that's what people did.
01:51:43.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:51:44.000 It is weird that we have clothes.
01:51:46.000 And shoes.
01:51:47.000 Yeah.
01:51:48.000 I mean, for years, I mean, obviously many, many years, everybody walked and ran everywhere barefoot.
01:51:53.000 Yeah.
01:51:54.000 Well, that's why it's strange to see someone naked.
01:51:57.000 What are you doing?
01:51:58.000 You don't have any clothes on.
01:52:03.000 Who's the first person to wear clothes?
01:52:05.000 Who's the first person to come out of the cave?
01:52:06.000 And you're like, what the fuck are you doing?
01:52:08.000 This guy's got underwear on.
01:52:10.000 It's a guy with a little dick.
01:52:12.000 Had to be.
01:52:13.000 Had to be.
01:52:15.000 He saw a couple and he was like, what the fuck is that thing?
01:52:17.000 When do you think little dicks started surviving?
01:52:21.000 That's a trait, right?
01:52:23.000 Right.
01:52:23.000 Somebody with a little dick had to fuck somebody.
01:52:26.000 Right.
01:52:26.000 But that had to be like...
01:52:28.000 I don't know if that's a...
01:52:29.000 I mean, is it a trait?
01:52:30.000 Because...
01:52:30.000 I don't know.
01:52:30.000 That's a good question.
01:52:31.000 Everybody with a big dick has a big dick son?
01:52:33.000 I don't know.
01:52:34.000 Can you imagine if you have a giant dick and your kid has a little tiny micro dick?
01:52:38.000 Oh, man.
01:52:38.000 I know.
01:52:39.000 Fuck.
01:52:40.000 You're not my son.
01:52:41.000 Yeah, you probably start thinking, that fucking whore.
01:52:44.000 She's banging some little dick guy.
01:52:45.000 She got tired of my big dick.
01:52:47.000 My son's three weeks old.
01:52:48.000 Giant hog?
01:52:49.000 No, we have about the same size dick, though.
01:52:50.000 I mean, his body, proportion-wise, about lines up.
01:52:56.000 Can you imagine if your son was born with just a giant hog?
01:52:59.000 Yeah.
01:52:59.000 He comes out.
01:53:01.000 Why does he have two umbilical?
01:53:02.000 Oh, my God.
01:53:03.000 It's his hog.
01:53:05.000 It's his hog.
01:53:07.000 Timmy's a baby.
01:53:08.000 It's hard every day.
01:53:09.000 The balls look big.
01:53:11.000 How big?
01:53:12.000 I don't know.
01:53:12.000 You know, their body, you know, it's such so small the baby.
01:53:15.000 And then you see like a ball bag that stands out for the size of the baby.
01:53:21.000 Do you know that the size of the testicles is directly proportionate to the amount of promiscuous women who are in the area?
01:53:29.000 Well, there's some fucking sluts where I live, because he's got big balls on him.
01:53:34.000 Well, they actually say that the human body adapts to the amount of promiscuous women that are in the area, and your balls...
01:53:41.000 That's so crazy.
01:53:41.000 That's how it is with primates.
01:53:43.000 The more promiscuous the women are in the area, the larger the testicles are of the primate.
01:53:48.000 That's why chimps have giant balls, but gorillas have little tiny balls.
01:53:52.000 Little tiny balls and little tiny dicks.
01:53:55.000 For chimps.
01:53:56.000 For gorillas.
01:53:56.000 For gorillas.
01:53:57.000 Because chimp women are hookers.
01:53:59.000 Right.
01:54:00.000 They're just sluts.
01:54:01.000 But gorilla women, they mind their P's and Q's.
01:54:03.000 They fucking keep it in line.
01:54:05.000 Right.
01:54:05.000 And the gorilla has a...
01:54:07.000 Right.
01:54:09.000 The gorilla has a harem.
01:54:11.000 He's got a harem of a big fucking pile of bitches and just sticks his little tiny dick in them.
01:54:19.000 Fast and easy.
01:54:20.000 The chimp, they just fuck.
01:54:21.000 Everybody fucks everybody.
01:54:22.000 And what's the super slutty bonobos?
01:54:26.000 They must have some dicks on them.
01:54:27.000 Giant dicks, giant balls.
01:54:29.000 They're balls.
01:54:30.000 Chimp balls are giant.
01:54:32.000 And that's the reason why they're giant.
01:54:34.000 But they have observed that in humans.
01:54:37.000 Like, there's a direct relation to the size of the testicles because the more sluts there are in the area, the more competition there is to get your sperm in.
01:54:49.000 So you have to produce more sperm.
01:54:51.000 So you have to have larger balls.
01:54:53.000 Yeah.
01:54:54.000 How about that?
01:54:54.000 That's something, man.
01:54:56.000 I didn't know that.
01:54:56.000 It's pretty nuts.
01:54:57.000 Yeah.
01:54:57.000 In primates, there's a direct connection.
01:54:59.000 They used to think that there was different kinds of sperm.
01:55:02.000 There was a book written called Sperm Wars, but it's been largely disproven.
01:55:07.000 And the idea behind that book was that there's different kinds of sperm.
01:55:10.000 There's actual sperm that attack other sperm.
01:55:12.000 They go in there and they attack other sperm.
01:55:15.000 That turns out to not be true.
01:55:16.000 There's no evidence that sperm have any other duty other than Coming, you know, hitting eggs and trying to get people pregnant.
01:55:25.000 Yeah.
01:55:26.000 They don't have any other properties.
01:55:27.000 They don't actually kill sperm.
01:55:29.000 It sounds like a good premise for a movie, though.
01:55:30.000 Sounds like an awesome premise.
01:55:32.000 Killer jizz.
01:55:33.000 Yeah.
01:55:33.000 She went blind.
01:55:34.000 She got the killer jizz in her eye.
01:55:36.000 No!
01:55:36.000 Evil sperm.
01:55:36.000 Yeah.
01:55:37.000 I like it.
01:55:38.000 Yeah.
01:55:38.000 If you're, like, around a lot of promiscuous women, like on a porn set, then that jizz that gets in a girl's eyes could probably blind her.
01:55:45.000 Ooh.
01:55:46.000 Because it's just looking to kill other sperm.
01:55:49.000 They burrow into your eye.
01:55:52.000 Like little fucking piranhas.
01:55:55.000 It's chewing away through the outer eight.
01:55:57.000 On one of those mugs, it starts bubbling because there's mean ones in there.
01:56:02.000 It froth like a fucking feeding frenzy in the mug.
01:56:07.000 If you bet a bunch of guys jizz in the mug.
01:56:10.000 It starts bubbling over.
01:56:12.000 And the fucking gang fight in the comm.
01:56:15.000 She's like, I don't want to drink it.
01:56:16.000 Drink it!
01:56:17.000 It's frothing like boiling water.
01:56:25.000 Have you ever gone fishing where there's a feeding frenzy?
01:56:31.000 Yes, I have, actually.
01:56:32.000 I was in Mexico, and it was awesome, man, because I took my kids fish.
01:56:37.000 My kids love fishing.
01:56:38.000 It's really fun.
01:56:39.000 Really?
01:56:39.000 Yeah, they love it.
01:56:40.000 Because it's fun for little kids.
01:56:41.000 Like, if you could get them near where the fish are, and they actually catch one, it's so exciting, and then they get to eat it.
01:56:47.000 They're so happy.
01:56:48.000 Like, we caught this!
01:56:49.000 I'm eating it, and we caught it, Mommy!
01:56:52.000 They're so excited, but we went out in Mexico, and there was like a hundred yards, like a football field size, of all these jacks, like amber jacks, I guess they are, skip jacks?
01:57:05.000 Amber jacks, yeah.
01:57:06.000 And they were crushing these bait fish.
01:57:08.000 So they're like anchovies or something like that, or minnows, whatever the fuck it is.
01:57:12.000 And they're smashing these things.
01:57:14.000 And the whole football-feel size is just frothing.
01:57:19.000 And all you had to do is get close to it and cast a lure in there.
01:57:22.000 And then bam!
01:57:23.000 And the girls were like, ah!
01:57:25.000 And they're holding on to the rod, and I have to hold on with them.
01:57:29.000 Otherwise, the fish will literally pull the rod into the water.
01:57:32.000 It was wild, man.
01:57:33.000 It's wild.
01:57:34.000 Yeah, fishing is a pretty good time.
01:57:35.000 I haven't done it in a while.
01:57:37.000 Fucking love it.
01:57:38.000 It's fun.
01:57:38.000 It's so fun, man.
01:57:39.000 I just love the idea that you can go out into that water and catch lunch.
01:57:44.000 You just go out there and bring home dinner.
01:57:46.000 Yeah.
01:57:47.000 Not a store.
01:57:48.000 And have you ever had fish that's caught?
01:57:50.000 They prepared it for us.
01:57:52.000 We caught a couple different kinds of fish.
01:57:55.000 When I was in Hawaii, we caught an ono.
01:57:57.000 Or it's a wahoo, but they call them onos.
01:58:00.000 And an ono is delicious.
01:58:03.000 It's such a delicious fish.
01:58:05.000 And it's a big fish, too.
01:58:08.000 We couldn't have even eaten all of it, so I gave half of it to the guy who ran the boat, and then we took half of it, and half of the fish was enough for my whole family.
01:58:18.000 Everybody ate it.
01:58:19.000 And they ate it, they prepared it a bunch of different ways.
01:58:22.000 They made sashimi out of it, they baked it, and they grilled it.
01:58:26.000 So they gave us like three different preparations.
01:58:28.000 And oh, they even made ceviche.
01:58:30.000 Yeah, they made ceviche as well.
01:58:31.000 What city were you in doing this?
01:58:33.000 That was in Maui.
01:58:35.000 Wow.
01:58:36.000 Yeah.
01:58:36.000 It was really awesome, man.
01:58:38.000 No, actually, that was on the Big Island.
01:58:41.000 I love Hawaii, man.
01:58:42.000 I wish it wasn't so far.
01:58:43.000 I know.
01:58:44.000 But that's why it's awesome.
01:58:46.000 Because it's so far.
01:58:47.000 Yeah.
01:58:47.000 If it was right there, it'd be like Mexico.
01:58:49.000 Just go right there.
01:58:50.000 But Mexico's pretty badass, too, man.
01:58:52.000 Do you go there recently?
01:58:53.000 Mexico?
01:58:53.000 Yeah, I was there last year.
01:58:55.000 What area?
01:58:58.000 Punta Mita, I think it's called.
01:59:00.000 Is that Puerto Vallarta?
01:59:01.000 Is that what it is?
01:59:02.000 I don't know.
01:59:03.000 I think it's near Puerto Vallarta?
01:59:04.000 Yeah, I went to Tulum.
01:59:06.000 Tulum is nice.
01:59:06.000 That was cool.
01:59:07.000 Next time I go, I want to go where the Aztec pyramids are.
01:59:11.000 Because when I was in Mexico City...
01:59:13.000 I've been to Mexico City twice last year for the UFC. But when I go, man, I just fucking chill in my hotel.
01:59:19.000 I work out.
01:59:20.000 That's a pretty crazy city, right?
01:59:22.000 It's nuts.
01:59:22.000 It's chaos.
01:59:23.000 First of all, the pollution is worse than anything you've ever seen in your life.
01:59:27.000 Really?
01:59:27.000 Oh my god.
01:59:28.000 I took photos and put it on my Instagram and people thought it was bullshit.
01:59:31.000 Really?
01:59:32.000 It's insane.
01:59:33.000 The photos on Instagram that I put up, it looks like you're in a fire.
01:59:37.000 Is that bad?
01:59:38.000 Oh, it's crazy.
01:59:39.000 It's way worse than LA. It's like LA in 20 years.
01:59:43.000 Well, it's way more people, right?
01:59:45.000 Yeah.
01:59:47.000 It's the biggest city in the world.
01:59:48.000 Is it?
01:59:49.000 Yeah, I believe so.
01:59:50.000 More than Chinese cities, like Beijing?
01:59:53.000 There's some people.
01:59:54.000 Oh, right, right, right.
01:59:56.000 I don't know.
01:59:58.000 I'm pretty sure it's the biggest.
02:00:00.000 It might be just the biggest in North America.
02:00:02.000 You might be right.
02:00:02.000 Yeah, they might have Chinese cities with 100 billion people.
02:00:05.000 I think Tokyo's the biggest.
02:00:06.000 Last time we looked this up.
02:00:07.000 Tokyo?
02:00:08.000 Yeah, it's like 22, 3, 30 million.
02:00:10.000 It's a lot.
02:00:11.000 But isn't that L.A.? Doesn't L.A. have 20 million?
02:00:14.000 Nah.
02:00:14.000 It's not official.
02:00:15.000 Well, let's Google the world.
02:00:17.000 Let's guess right now.
02:00:18.000 I'll tell you this.
02:00:19.000 I have a guess on a couple of things.
02:00:21.000 L.A. County?
02:00:22.000 Not city.
02:00:23.000 County is probably 13, 14 million.
02:00:26.000 You're not counting Mexicans.
02:00:29.000 Am I not?
02:00:29.000 How many illegal aliens are there in California?
02:00:33.000 No one has a fucking clue.
02:00:34.000 7 million.
02:00:36.000 Isn't that hilarious?
02:00:37.000 Yeah.
02:00:37.000 It might be true.
02:00:38.000 Yeah.
02:00:38.000 Seven million illegals.
02:00:40.000 Yeah.
02:00:41.000 Thirteen million regular.
02:00:42.000 Yeah.
02:00:43.000 Normal people.
02:00:44.000 Normal people.
02:00:46.000 What is that?
02:00:47.000 It says 3.8 for LA. Bullshit!
02:00:49.000 I think that's like LA City proper.
02:00:50.000 That's exactly what that is.
02:00:51.000 That's the horseshit.
02:00:52.000 That's LA City proper.
02:00:53.000 That's Los Feliz.
02:00:54.000 Yeah.
02:00:55.000 He's right.
02:00:57.000 Wow.
02:00:58.000 But that's not counting, you know, that's not the greater metropolitan area.
02:01:01.000 Yeah, that's the thing is that LA is not really a city.
02:01:04.000 Right.
02:01:05.000 It's, you know, it seems like it's a silly...
02:01:08.000 Whoa, what is 18 million?
02:01:10.000 Greater Los Angeles area, 18 million.
02:01:13.000 Yeah.
02:01:13.000 18.5.
02:01:15.000 Yeah, that seems...
02:01:16.000 That's more likely.
02:01:17.000 See, the thing about when I say LA is not a city, what I mean is like New York City is a city.
02:01:22.000 It's only New York City.
02:01:23.000 Like you go there and you're like, oh, now we're in the city.
02:01:25.000 Top to bottom, left to right, we're in the city.
02:01:26.000 And people say, oh, we left the city.
02:01:28.000 Greater Tokyo is 35 million.
02:01:30.000 Oh my God.
02:01:31.000 27% of the nation's entire population...
02:01:37.000 Wow!
02:01:38.000 Now, how about China's cities?
02:01:40.000 Because I saw something that said they have something like 10, maybe more than 10 cities in China with 20 million or more people.
02:01:48.000 Oh my god.
02:01:52.000 Jesus Christ.
02:01:55.000 China cities.
02:01:59.000 There you go.
02:02:00.000 List of cities.
02:02:03.000 Wow.
02:02:04.000 Look at that!
02:02:05.000 Wait a minute.
02:02:06.000 Look at that first city.
02:02:07.000 What the fuck?
02:02:07.000 We don't even know what fucking city that is.
02:02:09.000 What's area?
02:02:10.000 Hold on.
02:02:10.000 Where's the population?
02:02:11.000 Guangzhou.
02:02:12.000 Guangzhou has 12,700,000.
02:02:16.000 Okay, so Shanghai 23. Jesus.
02:02:21.000 23 for Shanghai.
02:02:22.000 What is Beijing?
02:02:23.000 That says administrative area.
02:02:26.000 19. That's not the real...
02:02:28.000 But see, the problem with this is you're leaving this up to people in China to count their people.
02:02:33.000 Yeah.
02:02:33.000 Okay, this city that you've never heard of that has 28 million.
02:02:37.000 What is that?
02:02:38.000 I think you did an admirable attempt.
02:02:41.000 Isn't that funny?
02:02:42.000 That if you do that, you're an asshole.
02:02:44.000 Yeah, of course.
02:02:45.000 You know, if you incorrectly pronounce Asian cities in a humorous way, you're a terrible person.
02:02:52.000 Of course.
02:02:53.000 You can't say chong chong chong.
02:02:55.000 You can't say that.
02:02:56.000 Well, you just did.
02:02:58.000 But I'm a bad person.
02:03:00.000 Right.
02:03:00.000 See, I'm a bad person.
02:03:01.000 Isn't that funny?
02:03:03.000 Gwangju.
02:03:04.000 Gwangju.
02:03:05.000 Gwangju.
02:03:05.000 Gwangju.
02:03:05.000 Population.
02:03:07.000 2015. What do we got here?
02:03:08.000 14 million?
02:03:09.000 Yeah.
02:03:10.000 Yeah.
02:03:11.000 According to who?
02:03:12.000 Gwangjujians?
02:03:14.000 They're not counting.
02:03:15.000 They're not counting, for real.
02:03:16.000 They're hiding their babies, too.
02:03:17.000 They're for real, for real.
02:03:19.000 And you're only allowed to have women.
02:03:20.000 Look at that.
02:03:21.000 30 million additional.
02:03:22.000 30 million migrants.
02:03:24.000 Living in the area for six months out of the year.
02:03:27.000 What?
02:03:27.000 What?
02:03:28.000 Oh my God.
02:03:29.000 So they have 13 million and 30 million.
02:03:32.000 30 million people just kind of sitting around.
02:03:34.000 They don't really live here.
02:03:35.000 There are snowbirds.
02:03:36.000 You're living there.
02:03:36.000 You're living there.
02:03:38.000 You can't say migrants.
02:03:39.000 No.
02:03:39.000 You're fucking with your numbers, man.
02:03:41.000 That's Hollywood logic or Hollywood arithmetic.
02:03:44.000 Yeah.
02:03:45.000 When they do Hollywood accounting on movies, we have a movie that made a hundred million dollars and they tell the actors, I'm sorry, no profit.
02:03:51.000 Didn't really make that kind of money.
02:03:52.000 Yeah, we'd love to give you what you deserve, but we can't because the accounting, it says that we didn't make any money.
02:04:00.000 Yeah.
02:04:01.000 Hmm.
02:04:02.000 That's how they do it with record companies too, right?
02:04:05.000 Yep.
02:04:05.000 Have you seen Soaked in Bleach?
02:04:07.000 Soaked in Bleach?
02:04:08.000 Yeah.
02:04:09.000 That's something that I have to watch.
02:04:11.000 What is that?
02:04:12.000 It's Courtney...
02:04:13.000 There's a documentary about Courtney Love.
02:04:15.000 Eddie Bravo and Brendan Schaub were fucking raving about it.
02:04:18.000 Oh, really?
02:04:18.000 They were saying that she killed Kurt Cobain.
02:04:21.000 And her former bodyguard or private investigator, apparently, he's the one who...
02:04:29.000 Recorded all these conversations with her.
02:04:32.000 It's another Netflix jammy.
02:04:33.000 No, it's not.
02:04:34.000 No, it's a documentary.
02:04:35.000 But it's on Netflix, right?
02:04:37.000 Yeah.
02:04:37.000 Yeah, we're talking about Narcos.
02:04:39.000 You just started that.
02:04:40.000 Yeah, Narcos.
02:04:40.000 It's really good.
02:04:41.000 Narcos is the shit.
02:04:43.000 It's so good.
02:04:44.000 Fucking Netflix is killing it lately.
02:04:46.000 F is for Family, the Bill Burr series.
02:04:48.000 Hilarious.
02:04:50.000 Bloodline.
02:04:51.000 The new Bob and Dave show.
02:04:53.000 Yeah.
02:04:53.000 Mr. Show.
02:04:54.000 They're doing a new version of it.
02:04:55.000 With Bob and David, yeah.
02:04:56.000 They're calling, I don't know what they're calling it.
02:04:57.000 With Bob and David.
02:04:58.000 That's what it's called?
02:04:58.000 With Bob and David.
02:04:59.000 It's funny, man.
02:05:00.000 Yeah, I haven't seen it.
02:05:01.000 It's really good.
02:05:02.000 I saw the Aziz Ansari show.
02:05:03.000 Hmm, so-so.
02:05:05.000 Yeah?
02:05:05.000 It's okay.
02:05:06.000 It's been rave reviews.
02:05:07.000 As Ys Ansari shows?
02:05:08.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:05:09.000 Really?
02:05:09.000 Yeah.
02:05:09.000 It's okay.
02:05:10.000 I haven't seen it.
02:05:11.000 Bloodline.
02:05:11.000 It's not bad.
02:05:12.000 Yeah?
02:05:12.000 You watched the whole thing?
02:05:13.000 I watched the first episode.
02:05:14.000 I was like, it's okay.
02:05:15.000 I mean, I had a couple laughs.
02:05:17.000 You know who was funny in it?
02:05:18.000 Eric Werheim?
02:05:19.000 Tim and Eric?
02:05:20.000 Yeah.
02:05:21.000 He's fucking hilarious.
02:05:22.000 That guy's a maniac.
02:05:23.000 He's really funny.
02:05:24.000 He's funny.
02:05:25.000 He's funny in that.
02:05:26.000 But Bob and David, maybe the problem is I compared it to Bob and David.
02:05:31.000 Maybe if I watched it on its own, I would like it more.
02:05:33.000 But Bob and David was fucking funny, like really good.
02:05:37.000 I just got into The Killing and ran through that, which was an AMC show.
02:05:42.000 That ended up on Netflix and then Netflix paid for a fourth season.
02:05:45.000 Really?
02:05:46.000 That series, I loved it.
02:05:48.000 I loved The Killing.
02:05:49.000 What is it about?
02:05:49.000 It's about these two Seattle homicide detectives, but it's really good, you know, storytelling.
02:05:56.000 Basically, it's them following a murder per season.
02:06:01.000 And they really, you know...
02:06:03.000 It makes it super engaging.
02:06:04.000 It's cliffhanger stuff where it ends, you're like, fucking press play on the next one.
02:06:08.000 Isn't that crazy, too?
02:06:09.000 They release...
02:06:10.000 That's one of the things where Netflix figured it out.
02:06:12.000 They just released the entire season in one gulp.
02:06:15.000 Of course.
02:06:16.000 Binge watch it, man.
02:06:17.000 Yeah.
02:06:18.000 House of Cards.
02:06:19.000 Everything.
02:06:20.000 They had House of Cards.
02:06:21.000 I watched House of Cards, too.
02:06:22.000 I watched one and a half episodes.
02:06:24.000 That's all I've seen.
02:06:24.000 But I saw it on a plane.
02:06:26.000 American Airlines has Netflix on a fucking plane.
02:06:28.000 Well, that one, I'll tell you, I think...
02:06:31.000 You get three episodes in the House of Cards.
02:06:35.000 Consider it.
02:06:36.000 Oh, you're done.
02:06:37.000 You're going to watch the whole fucking thing if you make it that far.
02:06:39.000 Yeah.
02:06:40.000 It gets better?
02:06:40.000 Pilots are tough.
02:06:41.000 I think, yeah.
02:06:42.000 The more you watch shows like that, you understand that pilots are tough to introduce a world, introduce characters, make you care about what's going on.
02:06:49.000 But once, if you can get over that hurdle, and you get to the second or third, and when it's good, like I said, Bloodline, I was totally...
02:06:58.000 Impressed with after I got through a couple episodes.
02:07:01.000 And Fargo, which is not a Netflix thing, but both of those seasons, you know, the first season pilot of Fargo is just one of the best pilots I've ever seen.
02:07:12.000 I never hear about Fargo.
02:07:14.000 I never hear about it.
02:07:15.000 It's so fucking good.
02:07:17.000 Really?
02:07:17.000 I think it might be the best show on television.
02:07:19.000 Gosh!
02:07:19.000 Damn it, Tommy!
02:07:20.000 Yes.
02:07:21.000 How are you saying this?
02:07:22.000 You gotta check it out.
02:07:24.000 Wow.
02:07:24.000 I'll give you...
02:07:25.000 What?
02:07:25.000 What are you gonna give me?
02:07:26.000 Give me something.
02:07:27.000 I have it on DVD. Come on, man.
02:07:28.000 Give me something.
02:07:28.000 But you can also just digitally...
02:07:29.000 Give me some shit, man.
02:07:31.000 You can also just, you know, on demand.
02:07:33.000 It's on demand.
02:07:34.000 If you really care, dude, give me something.
02:07:35.000 I'll give you the fucking thing.
02:07:38.000 I give it to you.
02:07:39.000 It's on Netflix?
02:07:40.000 No.
02:07:41.000 But if you have Apple TV, you go to FX On Demand, you can just watch it on demand.
02:07:47.000 Apple TV is another thing.
02:07:48.000 That is the shit.
02:07:49.000 Netflix is built in.
02:07:51.000 Netflix is built in.
02:07:52.000 It's great.
02:07:53.000 And the new one apparently is even better.
02:07:54.000 I got the last generation.
02:07:56.000 Is the new generation out?
02:07:57.000 Of what?
02:07:58.000 Of Apple TV? I got the old shit.
02:08:00.000 I don't even have the new shit.
02:08:02.000 There's new shit.
02:08:03.000 There's a new one.
02:08:04.000 The remote's better and all that.
02:08:05.000 It's way easier to use.
02:08:06.000 It's faster.
02:08:06.000 The remote's better.
02:08:09.000 I might have to get a second Apple TV. Isn't there a way you can make a remote with your phone?
02:08:13.000 You turn your phone into a remote?
02:08:15.000 That's some shit.
02:08:16.000 That's some Jamie shit.
02:08:18.000 Well, they've been doing that with Android phones for a while.
02:08:20.000 Some Android phones actually have an IR thing in the front where you can point it at your TV and you can actually change channels.
02:08:26.000 The Apple guy was trying to get me when I was in the store.
02:08:28.000 He's like, oh, buy these lights.
02:08:30.000 What?
02:08:31.000 And then your phone can control lights and make them different colors in your home.
02:08:36.000 Yeah, we have those.
02:08:36.000 Okay.
02:08:37.000 They're here.
02:08:37.000 They're here?
02:08:38.000 Never install them.
02:08:38.000 Oh, okay.
02:08:39.000 Yeah.
02:08:40.000 Well, I don't have that kind of time, dude.
02:08:41.000 I go, dude, come on.
02:08:43.000 Yeah, and then someone hacks my phone and turns the fucking lights on off and on while I'm sleeping.
02:08:48.000 It's no fun.
02:08:49.000 Bullshit.
02:08:50.000 It's bullshit.
02:08:50.000 It is bullshit, man.
02:08:51.000 It's a light switch.
02:08:53.000 My wife installed these stupid fucking light panels in my house.
02:08:56.000 They're like a little computer where you have to touch it.
02:08:58.000 It's a touch screen thing.
02:08:59.000 It's so stupid.
02:09:00.000 She likes it because it looks cool, but they don't click.
02:09:03.000 There's not a click.
02:09:04.000 So when you walk in a room and the light's off, you can't just touch it.
02:09:08.000 You have to look at it, find out where the white light is, touch that, and then it turns out.
02:09:14.000 It's glass.
02:09:15.000 There's no tactile feel.
02:09:17.000 Horse shit.
02:09:18.000 Horse shit.
02:09:20.000 How do you feel about curved TVs?
02:09:23.000 Curved TVs are dog shit.
02:09:24.000 They can suck my dick.
02:09:25.000 How about that?
02:09:26.000 All right.
02:09:26.000 I was looking for an opinion.
02:09:27.000 I want a flat TV. God damn it.
02:09:29.000 I'm not looking to sit in a fucking cockpit of a jet.
02:09:33.000 Yeah.
02:09:34.000 Why is it curved?
02:09:35.000 I don't know.
02:09:36.000 What, do I have to look left?
02:09:37.000 Look right?
02:09:37.000 Look forward?
02:09:38.000 I don't know where to look.
02:09:40.000 I want it right in front of me.
02:09:41.000 Flat.
02:09:42.000 And you know what?
02:09:42.000 Not too big.
02:09:43.000 How about that?
02:09:44.000 What size are you talking about?
02:09:45.000 TVs can get too fucking big.
02:09:46.000 What size are you talking about?
02:09:47.000 Assholes, they're 100-inch TV. What the fuck are you looking at?
02:09:50.000 What are you going up to, 55?
02:09:51.000 How close are you?
02:09:52.000 How about you get a smaller TV and sit closer, you fuck.
02:09:55.000 What?
02:09:56.000 You got a 100-inch TV. We gotta sit a mile away from that fucking thing to take in the entire image?
02:10:01.000 That's stupid.
02:10:03.000 What about projectors?
02:10:04.000 Those are dog shit.
02:10:05.000 I've had one.
02:10:06.000 They take a couple seconds to boot up.
02:10:08.000 They're stupid.
02:10:09.000 If someone steps in front of it, you see that person on the screen.
02:10:12.000 So TV's the way to go.
02:10:13.000 TVs are definitely the way to go.
02:10:14.000 The image is better, too.
02:10:16.000 And I've had several generations of projectors.
02:10:20.000 Were you at my house?
02:10:22.000 Excuse me.
02:10:23.000 When I had the projector room?
02:10:25.000 Yes.
02:10:25.000 Yeah, that's all gone now.
02:10:27.000 There's a pool table in there.
02:10:27.000 I gutted that room.
02:10:28.000 Oh, you did?
02:10:29.000 Yeah, I changed it.
02:10:30.000 I didn't know that.
02:10:30.000 But the projector was there when I got there, when I moved in.
02:10:34.000 I had to buy it, and it was stupid.
02:10:37.000 I shouldn't have bought it.
02:10:38.000 I should have told them, take that wonky hunk of shit and get out of here.
02:10:44.000 I own your house!
02:10:46.000 Kick the bricks!
02:10:47.000 Yeah.
02:10:48.000 But the light, if the curtains were open even a little, you couldn't watch TV. Yeah, that sucks.
02:10:53.000 You had to make it so dark you couldn't see anything.
02:10:56.000 You had to get blackout curtains.
02:10:57.000 You had to get blackout curtains.
02:10:58.000 You had to shut the door.
02:10:59.000 If anybody opened the door while we were watching TV, close the door!
02:11:02.000 You can't see the fucking screen!
02:11:04.000 That sucks.
02:11:04.000 It was so stupid.
02:11:05.000 So then we got the next generation of projector, which is smaller.
02:11:10.000 It's a lower profile.
02:11:11.000 And it was much, much, much better.
02:11:14.000 And then I got a big TV in there.
02:11:16.000 And I was like, these things are stupid.
02:11:19.000 Projectors are stupid.
02:11:20.000 They're just not as good.
02:11:21.000 It's not as good.
02:11:23.000 Alright.
02:11:24.000 I mean, I'm just thinking about it.
02:11:25.000 You thinking about it?
02:11:26.000 I love, you know, I love watching movies and all that.
02:11:29.000 Just get a TV. Badass TV. You want a nice TV. They have 4K TVs now.
02:11:33.000 Like, this is a 4K TV. This fucking thing looks so good.
02:11:37.000 The resolution is so high-end, it's so pretty, that when you're looking at an image, like, it doesn't get any better than that.
02:11:43.000 You know, my new special's in 4K. Oh my goodness, your new special that's out this Friday on Netflix?
02:11:48.000 January 8th.
02:11:49.000 What's it called?
02:11:50.000 It's called Mostly Stories.
02:11:51.000 Why'd you call it Mostly Stories?
02:11:52.000 I just figured I'd tell stories, even though the whole special is not stories.
02:11:58.000 Is the story about your doctor in this one?
02:12:00.000 That's in my...
02:12:01.000 Other special.
02:12:02.000 It's in my other special.
02:12:03.000 I fucking love that story.
02:12:04.000 You know that I get a breakdown of what does the best from SoundExchange?
02:12:10.000 They go, here's what people are playing the most on Pandora.
02:12:14.000 Really?
02:12:15.000 Yeah, and that story's number one.
02:12:17.000 It's a funny fucking story.
02:12:19.000 That's the Dr. Dick story.
02:12:22.000 That's a real guy too, right?
02:12:24.000 That's a real guy.
02:12:25.000 Who I finally told him that I told a story about him and I gave it to him to listen to.
02:12:29.000 And then he called me and he was like, I fucking love it.
02:12:34.000 He's like, I just sent it to my parents and they can't believe I talk like this to my patients.
02:12:40.000 If anybody hasn't seen it, we don't want to give away any spoilers because it's a fucking hilarious story.
02:12:44.000 Yeah, that's my special.
02:12:45.000 It's called Completely Normal, which is on Netflix.
02:12:48.000 Is that the one with the Serena Williams bit in it?
02:12:51.000 Yes.
02:12:51.000 But this one has a bunch of stories of, you know, it has a bunch of stand-up.
02:12:57.000 It's a stand-up special, but I have stories about my trainer in it.
02:13:00.000 I have a story about...
02:13:00.000 Oh, your Jesus trainer?
02:13:01.000 Yeah, I have him in it.
02:13:02.000 No?
02:13:02.000 No.
02:13:03.000 And then I have...
02:13:07.000 He's going to find out, I think.
02:13:08.000 He's definitely going to find out.
02:13:09.000 He's going to find out.
02:13:10.000 I have a Tyson, my Mike Tyson story is in this new one.
02:13:13.000 That's a great story, too.
02:13:14.000 Yeah, and I have a story about a movie theater fight that I got into, and yeah, there's all kinds of stories in it, so I called it mostly stories.
02:13:22.000 What was I going to ask you?
02:13:24.000 Oh, this is what I'm going to tell you.
02:13:26.000 You know, I downloaded one of your CDs off iTunes.
02:13:32.000 I bought one of your comedy CDs.
02:13:34.000 Oh, thanks, man.
02:13:34.000 You're welcome.
02:13:35.000 But there's something, I was just in the mood for some comedy, and I know you're hilarious, but I was really weird.
02:13:42.000 My phone, like when you have Bluetooth synced up to your phone, and your phone, if it starts, when I get in my car, I don't know what the settings are or why it does this, but my car will just all of a sudden start playing, like from the moment, because it's synced up to Bluetooth,
02:13:59.000 it has Bluetooth for music, so when I get in my car, it'll all of a sudden start playing music.
02:14:05.000 It plays your fucking Serena Williams bit every time.
02:14:09.000 That's so bizarre.
02:14:10.000 Every time.
02:14:10.000 It plays it first.
02:14:11.000 So when I get in my car and I start my car up, I hear you.
02:14:15.000 You're the first thing that I hear every time.
02:14:18.000 That's so bizarre.
02:14:18.000 The whole about, you know, I want to die in a dumb way.
02:14:21.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:14:21.000 Like it goes right into that.
02:14:23.000 Every time.
02:14:24.000 It's happened to me.
02:14:25.000 Well, it happens to me in my car with a gang star, which I guess is probably better than my Serena Williams business.
02:14:31.000 For you, it's better.
02:14:32.000 If you got in your car and you started playing your shit, you'd be like, hey, hey, hey, listen to this.
02:14:37.000 This is my favorite.
02:14:38.000 This is my favorite shit.
02:14:39.000 But actually, you know who else it happens to with what you're saying?
02:14:42.000 My mother called me and she goes, I bought your album and now every time I get in the car it plays and how do I stop it from doing that?
02:14:51.000 That's my own mother.
02:14:52.000 She's fucking sick of my shit.
02:14:54.000 I wonder why your song, or that one bit rather, plays every time.
02:15:00.000 Every time I get in my car, it starts off with that.
02:15:04.000 That is weird.
02:15:06.000 Yeah, it's very strange.
02:15:09.000 What is your Gangstar one that goes?
02:15:11.000 I think it's Above the Clouds.
02:15:14.000 Which makes sense because...
02:15:15.000 It's alphabetical.
02:15:16.000 That's alphabetical.
02:15:17.000 Right.
02:15:18.000 So...
02:15:18.000 Hmm.
02:15:19.000 But gangs are...
02:15:20.000 But why...
02:15:20.000 I mean...
02:15:21.000 I don't know, man.
02:15:23.000 Yeah, I don't know what it is.
02:15:24.000 And sometimes if I plug in the phone...
02:15:27.000 Then it will also only play that song and won't let me fast forward or jump to another song.
02:15:33.000 What is the name of that bit?
02:15:34.000 I think it's called...
02:15:36.000 A Good Death.
02:15:36.000 This is it.
02:15:37.000 Oh, that's why.
02:15:38.000 A. I do think about death.
02:15:40.000 A. That's why.
02:15:40.000 I just want it to be justified.
02:15:43.000 That's how every fucking day starts for me.
02:15:45.000 It's because A. Yeah, it must be.
02:15:48.000 It must be.
02:15:49.000 Well, that's a good move.
02:15:50.000 I'm going to name all my bits A Big Dick Story.
02:15:59.000 That was like what I did with my special.
02:16:02.000 Every fucking bit was called a big dick story.
02:16:05.000 Another big dick story.
02:16:07.000 My favorite big dick story.
02:16:10.000 I had that thing where I, that was kind of the idea behind when I did my first album called Thrilled, where I do like a parody of Michael Jackson's Thriller.
02:16:18.000 The whole idea, like part of the fun of that was so that I, because I knew that people who got the album had a good chance of in their library having it next to Michael Jackson's Thriller.
02:16:30.000 That's funny.
02:16:31.000 And people send me screen grabs.
02:16:34.000 They sent me screen grabs of their library.
02:16:36.000 You know what my favorite part of that picture is?
02:16:38.000 I love how you trimmed your neck, but not your chest.
02:16:42.000 There's like a wall between your facial hair, and then you have this bridge of no hair.
02:16:47.000 So much hair.
02:16:49.000 That should be the name of my next album.
02:16:51.000 So much hair.
02:16:54.000 So people send you screen grabs of you?
02:16:56.000 Of their phone being like, it's like me and Michael Jackson, you know, like side by side.
02:17:02.000 Thrilled.
02:17:02.000 Yeah.
02:17:03.000 That's hilarious.
02:17:04.000 Look at you with the chest hair and a fucking chain.
02:17:08.000 Something about chest hair and chain together.
02:17:10.000 Yeah.
02:17:11.000 You attract a very specific type of woman with that look.
02:17:13.000 Oh, yeah.
02:17:14.000 Chest hair and chains?
02:17:15.000 Yeah.
02:17:16.000 It's the kind that'll scoop and score, I think, then.
02:17:19.000 Scoop and score.
02:17:20.000 Have you watched F is for Family yet?
02:17:23.000 I saw the first episode.
02:17:25.000 I just saw the first one.
02:17:26.000 Fucking funny, isn't it?
02:17:27.000 Yeah, it is.
02:17:27.000 I love the neighbor.
02:17:28.000 I was thinking of him.
02:17:29.000 Oh, yeah.
02:17:30.000 The gold chains and the hairy chest.
02:17:31.000 That guy's awesome.
02:17:33.000 Yeah.
02:17:33.000 That's a funny series, man.
02:17:34.000 Yeah, Bill killed it, man.
02:17:36.000 That's awesome.
02:17:36.000 Apparently, Louis C.K. is going to do an animated series now, too.
02:17:40.000 Oh, really?
02:17:41.000 Those gingers are taking over, man.
02:17:42.000 Gingers are fucking running it.
02:17:44.000 Yeah, man.
02:17:44.000 You know what it is?
02:17:46.000 It's like a lot of lack of pussy when you're young.
02:17:48.000 It's hard to get laid.
02:17:50.000 That tension builds up.
02:17:51.000 You get upset.
02:17:52.000 Focus and drive.
02:17:53.000 Focus and drive.
02:17:54.000 Yep.
02:17:55.000 That redheaded focus and drive.
02:17:57.000 So he's going to do an animated one, right?
02:17:58.000 Yeah.
02:17:59.000 Yeah, he's apparently going to do an animated one, too.
02:18:01.000 Animated series, man.
02:18:02.000 You get away with so much.
02:18:04.000 I mean, think about what South Park has gotten away with.
02:18:06.000 The stuff that they can do.
02:18:08.000 Yeah.
02:18:08.000 What Beavis and Butthead did back in the day.
02:18:11.000 Yeah.
02:18:12.000 Weren't they going to redo Beavis and Butthead?
02:18:15.000 They did, right?
02:18:16.000 But nobody cared anymore.
02:18:17.000 But he's doing that HBO show.
02:18:19.000 Mike Judd?
02:18:20.000 Yeah.
02:18:21.000 What show?
02:18:21.000 Silicon Valley.
02:18:22.000 Oh, that's right.
02:18:23.000 That's his.
02:18:23.000 That's a good show.
02:18:24.000 Mm-hmm.
02:18:24.000 That's another funny show.
02:18:26.000 Yeah.
02:18:26.000 Is this the best time ever to be just a fucking loser who sits in front of the TV? Without doubt.
02:18:30.000 This is the best TV shows ever.
02:18:32.000 Ever.
02:18:33.000 TV has, for a while now, just leapt over films.
02:18:37.000 Movies.
02:18:37.000 Yeah.
02:18:38.000 Cinema.
02:18:38.000 It's not even close.
02:18:39.000 Oh, my God.
02:18:39.000 Not even close.
02:18:40.000 Think about what you can do with TV, man.
02:18:42.000 Well, the thing about TV is something like Game of Thrones is like a new movie every week, and it's tied together.
02:18:49.000 Yeah.
02:18:50.000 Yeah.
02:18:51.000 In a movie, I mean, how much can you really get attached to a character in a two-hour film?
02:18:56.000 You kind of can.
02:18:57.000 You can, but not the way you can over 10, 15, 20-episode season, for sure.
02:19:02.000 You know what else I like?
02:19:03.000 That these television shows, whether it's Narcos or whether it's Game of Thrones, they're largely unknown actors.
02:19:09.000 So you associate them with the actual character instead of going, oh, here's Benicio Del Toro playing another crazy guy.
02:19:16.000 Right, right, right.
02:19:18.000 That's big, man.
02:19:19.000 Because when I go to the movies and I see Tom Cruise, I'm seeing Tom fucking Cruise.
02:19:23.000 I'm not seeing some mad scientist.
02:19:25.000 I'm not seeing a private agent.
02:19:26.000 It's true.
02:19:27.000 I'm a secret agent.
02:19:28.000 I'm seeing Tom fucking Cruise.
02:19:29.000 He's famous.
02:19:30.000 Or Bradley Cooper or Jennifer Lawrence.
02:19:32.000 I'm seeing them.
02:19:33.000 I know it's them.
02:19:34.000 You can't lie to me.
02:19:35.000 It's why those actors that really get into playing parts stand out so much.
02:19:40.000 The way that...
02:19:41.000 Philip Seymour Hoffman used to play roles.
02:19:43.000 You'd lose yourself in his role because he was so committed to not being the actor.
02:19:48.000 He was the part.
02:19:49.000 Daniel Day-Lewis is my favorite example.
02:19:51.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:19:52.000 That fucking guy, when he did that boxer movie, he did nothing but box for a year.
02:19:57.000 Really?
02:19:58.000 For a year.
02:19:59.000 All he did was go to the boxing gym every day and train.
02:20:03.000 He's the only guy that I've ever seen in a movie where he actually looked like a real boxer when he was doing the scenes.
02:20:10.000 It was like, if you watch The Fighter with Marky Mark Wahlberg, and he's playing Mickey Ward.
02:20:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:20:21.000 He doesn't look like a boxer.
02:20:22.000 He looks like a guy who knows how to throw punches.
02:20:24.000 Gyllenhaal?
02:20:25.000 Do you think he looked like a boxer?
02:20:26.000 I didn't see that movie yet.
02:20:27.000 But the Marky Mark movie, he doesn't look like a guy who's actually been boxing.
02:20:33.000 He looks like a guy who knows how to throw punches.
02:20:35.000 But there's a big difference between a guy who knows how to throw punches and a guy who knows how to throw punches anticipating that somebody punches back and the idea of an actual boxer.
02:20:44.000 There's a difference between knowing that a guy is going to stand in front of you like a Rocky movie or a guy who looks like a boxer.
02:20:51.000 And Daniel Day-Lewis is the only guy I've ever seen in a movie that actually looks like a boxer.
02:20:56.000 This is him jumping rope, but maybe there's a...
02:21:02.000 Oh, that's him actually jumping rope.
02:21:04.000 Look how good he's jumping rope.
02:21:05.000 Holy shit.
02:21:09.000 Yeah, that guy's an animal, man.
02:21:10.000 He really is an animal.
02:21:12.000 That motherfucker, when he did that My Left Foot, he was in character for like a year.
02:21:20.000 Well, they said he was like that for There Will Be Blood, for Lincoln.
02:21:22.000 Yeah, he stays in character.
02:21:23.000 That's probably annoying as fuck.
02:21:25.000 It's gotta be.
02:21:26.000 Imagine if you do a movie like Lincoln and nobody gives a shit.
02:21:29.000 How about Offset when your, you know, lunch is ready?
02:21:33.000 Try to go to dinner with them?
02:21:33.000 Yeah.
02:21:34.000 I'll have a milkshake!
02:21:36.000 Yeah.
02:21:36.000 Come on.
02:21:37.000 Hey, Abe, sorry.
02:21:38.000 Yeah, it's gonna wear on you.
02:21:41.000 Four score and seven years ago.
02:21:43.000 Nobody gave a fuck about that movie.
02:21:44.000 More people cared about the Abraham Lincoln versus the vampire movie.
02:21:50.000 Mm-hmm.
02:21:50.000 Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.
02:21:52.000 More people cared about that movie than the Daniel Day-Lewis Abraham Lincoln movie.
02:21:56.000 Yeah, I believe that.
02:21:57.000 What is that?
02:21:58.000 We don't give a fuck about historical movies.
02:22:01.000 I don't know, sometimes they take off, right?
02:22:03.000 I think part of it is this.
02:22:04.000 Name one.
02:22:05.000 Well, no, I think part of it is now, is that we've seen a lot.
02:22:09.000 Like, there's a point where you go, I know, even though it might be worth telling, I've seen a number of Holocaust movies, or I've seen a number of civil rights, you know, American stories.
02:22:23.000 So when those come out, you go, I kind of know the story.
02:22:27.000 Right.
02:22:27.000 So I think that's where the interest, the box office goes down.
02:22:30.000 People go, well, I know this story.
02:22:32.000 You can retell it or tell it in a new way or interesting way, but people feel like...
02:22:38.000 I got it.
02:22:38.000 Right.
02:22:39.000 I've seen the story.
02:22:40.000 Right.
02:22:40.000 It doesn't feel like new, but it was for a moment.
02:22:45.000 It's boring.
02:22:46.000 We don't want to hear about it.
02:22:47.000 We don't want to hear about history.
02:22:48.000 I want spaceships, and I want aliens and laser beams and explosions and vampires.
02:22:53.000 Did you see The Force Awakens?
02:22:54.000 Yes, I did.
02:22:54.000 What'd you think?
02:22:55.000 I loved it.
02:22:56.000 Haven't seen it yet.
02:22:57.000 You should before I tell you everything that happened.
02:23:00.000 Uh-oh.
02:23:00.000 Ready?
02:23:01.000 Go!
02:23:02.000 I do want to see it.
02:23:04.000 It's good, man.
02:23:05.000 I was obsessed with it when I was a kid.
02:23:06.000 I enjoyed the shit out of it.
02:23:07.000 Yeah.
02:23:08.000 It's a perfect blend of new and old.
02:23:11.000 It's a perfect homage.
02:23:13.000 It captures the essence of the original films, but with much more updated special effects, graphics, storytelling.
02:23:21.000 And acting's really good, too.
02:23:22.000 There's nothing bad about it.
02:23:24.000 I loved it.
02:23:25.000 Have you started watching, we were talking about Netflix, Making of a Murderer?
02:23:28.000 No, I have not.
02:23:30.000 Get your entire life together.
02:23:35.000 I know, I need to.
02:23:36.000 Everybody keeps fucking telling me that is the number one thing that people tweet me about, other than that I'm wrong about Bernie Sanders.
02:23:42.000 You're wrong about Bernie Sanders!
02:23:44.000 Bernie Sanders!
02:23:44.000 He did not say 90%.
02:23:46.000 He said he's okay with it.
02:23:47.000 It's not too much if it's over a certain amount.
02:23:52.000 I'm not done with it.
02:23:53.000 Feel the burn!
02:23:54.000 It's shit your pants.
02:23:55.000 I keep hearing that.
02:23:57.000 Apparently, I've listened to a Radiolab podcast that talked about the exact same story.
02:24:04.000 It is, right?
02:24:05.000 Yeah, I looked it up.
02:24:05.000 It came out in like 2013, but they left out all the corruption.
02:24:11.000 What's going on in the movie, yeah.
02:24:12.000 They told the state side of the story.
02:24:14.000 And the state side of the story and the woman side of the story who accused the man of rape and she thought...
02:24:21.000 I don't know.
02:24:22.000 The level of conspiracy involved in this is just, it's mind-blowing.
02:24:26.000 Yeah, the Radiolab thing didn't cover that at all.
02:24:29.000 That's what really kind of sucks.
02:24:31.000 They couldn't have, though.
02:24:33.000 Radiolab only had an hour, two hours to do it.
02:24:35.000 These guys do ten episodes.
02:24:37.000 That's insane.
02:24:38.000 A little over an hour each.
02:24:39.000 See, that's where something like Netflix fucking shines.
02:24:42.000 Yeah.
02:24:42.000 Because you can't do that anywhere else.
02:24:44.000 Yeah.
02:24:44.000 They won't let you.
02:24:45.000 No, like my new special is six hours.
02:24:47.000 Wow, that's amazing.
02:24:49.000 Are you naked in all of it?
02:24:50.000 In most of it, beginning and the end.
02:24:52.000 Is there a lot of asshole shots?
02:24:53.000 I don't like that.
02:24:55.000 What I try to do, I do the diaper change style, and then I do the face down.
02:24:58.000 I do both.
02:24:59.000 I had a guy come up to me at the fucking improv the other day, asked me to do comedy at a nudist camp.
02:25:06.000 He's like, it's amazing.
02:25:07.000 Everyone who performs, they perform naked.
02:25:10.000 I go, oh yeah?
02:25:11.000 Yeah.
02:25:11.000 Okay.
02:25:12.000 And he goes, are you interested in doing it?
02:25:13.000 I go, nope.
02:25:14.000 See ya.
02:25:14.000 He goes, come on, man.
02:25:15.000 I go, hey, dude, you're not going to see my cock.
02:25:18.000 Yeah.
02:25:18.000 Okay?
02:25:18.000 You want to.
02:25:19.000 This is your elaborate method.
02:25:21.000 The guy was clearly gay, by the way.
02:25:23.000 He was going for that cock.
02:25:24.000 Who was the guy that was dying to see you or was at a gym or something?
02:25:28.000 Did you have a guy somewhere that was eyeballing you or something like that?
02:25:32.000 Was it working out?
02:25:34.000 Every day, bro.
02:25:35.000 But I mean, you know.
02:25:37.000 I did work out at a gay gym for a while when I was on news radio.
02:25:44.000 I worked out at Gold's Gym on Cole.
02:25:47.000 Wasn't it the same guy waiting all the time?
02:25:50.000 Oh, that was in jiu-jitsu.
02:25:51.000 Jiu-jitsu, okay.
02:25:52.000 Yeah, that was this guy.
02:25:53.000 Well, we had to kick that guy out.
02:25:54.000 Did he just hang back all the time?
02:25:57.000 He would wait for me to get dressed, but he waited for everybody to get dressed, and he would harass guys.
02:26:00.000 He would say a bunch of creepy sexual shit to people when they were changing.
02:26:05.000 And he also would go and do jiu-jitsu and purposely get his ass kicked.
02:26:12.000 So you're manhandling him?
02:26:13.000 Yeah, he wanted to.
02:26:14.000 You'd barely fight back.
02:26:15.000 I remember he rolled with this one guy, and the guy tapped him really quick, and the guy realized he wasn't fighting back, and he looked at him, and the guy tried to keep going.
02:26:23.000 He goes, no.
02:26:24.000 We're not doing this.
02:26:25.000 We're not doing this.
02:26:26.000 First of all, you just came all over yourself.
02:26:29.000 Well, he said to my friend Brett, he said, uh, sometimes I just come here to get my ass kicked.
02:26:34.000 Come on, man.
02:26:35.000 What?
02:26:36.000 This is not the place, Brett.
02:26:37.000 And this is, Brett was one of the guys who got him kicked out of there because he would just say creepy sexual shit to him.
02:26:41.000 Yeah, that's creepy.
02:26:41.000 He would say weird shit to guys, you know?
02:26:44.000 Like, one time, uh, I would wear a jockstrap, and then, uh, over my jockstrap, I would put a cup on, you know, and the cup goes in a jockstrap.
02:26:54.000 He goes, yeah, you wear two jockstraps?
02:26:58.000 And I just looked at him like, why are you staring at me getting changed and commenting on him?
02:27:02.000 Shut the fuck up, man.
02:27:03.000 This is weird.
02:27:04.000 And the way he would do it is like this longing look in his face, like just hoping that you just pull your cock out and just stuff it in his mug.
02:27:15.000 Throatzilla.
02:27:16.000 Yes.
02:27:17.000 Sweet freedom.
02:27:18.000 There was none of that.
02:27:19.000 That's another thing about the evolution of porn.
02:27:21.000 Two things that have happened that have been pretty radical.
02:27:23.000 One, no one has hair pussy anymore.
02:27:26.000 Pussy hair.
02:27:27.000 Pussy hair is out the wood.
02:27:28.000 Yeah.
02:27:28.000 It's gone.
02:27:29.000 The radical crazy girl has a little landing strip.
02:27:32.000 Oh my god, she's crazy.
02:27:34.000 Do you like a little bush?
02:27:35.000 You like some bush?
02:27:36.000 It's not that I like it or dislike it.
02:27:37.000 I have no problem with not getting pubic hair in my mouth.
02:27:40.000 But what I'm thinking is, kids today, they don't know what it's like to get a pubic hair stuck in between your teeth.
02:27:46.000 Yeah.
02:27:46.000 It's part of growing up.
02:27:48.000 Yes, for us.
02:27:49.000 Sure.
02:27:49.000 That feeling, where you have it in your tongue, you can't get it out.
02:27:53.000 And even if you get it out, you think he's still in there.
02:27:55.000 You keep going...
02:27:58.000 Never get it out.
02:27:59.000 You actually don't use that move for anything else than removing pubic hairs from your mouth.
02:28:04.000 Maybe if you bite a napkin.
02:28:07.000 Yeah.
02:28:07.000 If you take a napkin and bite into it and chew it, then you go...
02:28:10.000 But why would you do that?
02:28:12.000 Right.
02:28:13.000 But you eat a lot of pussy, you have to spit out hairs.
02:28:15.000 I spit out a lot of hairs in my youth.
02:28:17.000 Sure.
02:28:18.000 And then somewhere along the line, it just stopped.
02:28:21.000 It's like silence.
02:28:22.000 Like the fucking, the trees were all chopped down.
02:28:24.000 Like, what happened?
02:28:25.000 What happened to the forest?
02:28:27.000 Just stop being there.
02:28:29.000 Yeah.
02:28:30.000 It's weird.
02:28:31.000 They just stopped growing pussy hair.
02:28:33.000 Or when you saw girls get one of yours, and then they stop, and you're like, could you get back to it?
02:28:38.000 And they're like, what?
02:28:39.000 F. But some change happened, both in pornography and in people.
02:28:48.000 And it's almost like pornography became more popular because of, like, Blockbuster and VHS tapes.
02:28:55.000 Sure.
02:28:55.000 Remember they have those local video stores?
02:28:58.000 Yeah, of course.
02:28:58.000 You have to go through the fucking saloon doors to get to it.
02:29:01.000 Oh, yeah.
02:29:01.000 You get to kick open it.
02:29:02.000 And when you're young, you get an adrenaline rush walking through those doors.
02:29:07.000 People don't understand.
02:29:09.000 It was like if you were visiting someone in prison and you had to go through the lockdown area.
02:29:16.000 Yeah, it really was.
02:29:17.000 I remember buying too, buying porn in those.
02:29:21.000 If you go to a porn store, it's one thing, but if you go to a regular store that has porn and you buy a porn and then you get the checkout person who's totally judging you.
02:29:30.000 You're a real fucking pig, you know that?
02:29:32.000 You'd be so nervous.
02:29:34.000 Oh, so nervous.
02:29:35.000 I remember the checkout person one time was like, do you want me to throw away the box for you?
02:29:40.000 A lot of people don't like the box.
02:29:41.000 I was like, I'll take the box.
02:29:42.000 Put it in the fucking bag.
02:29:43.000 Let's go.
02:29:43.000 I need the box.
02:29:43.000 I collect them.
02:29:44.000 I collect the boxes.
02:29:45.000 I frame the boxes, man.
02:29:47.000 If they're going to be in order, how am I going to know they're in order if I don't have the box?
02:29:51.000 I need the box.
02:29:53.000 Yeah, the saloon door thing.
02:29:56.000 So I think people started buying them.
02:29:59.000 They started renting them, right?
02:30:00.000 They started taking them home.
02:30:01.000 Then they started going, what's all the hair?
02:30:03.000 And then something happened where the industry recognized that it looks weird when you see all this asshole hair and you've got a fucking camera three inches away from it and some dude's hairy ass and his ball back are slapping up against her hair.
02:30:17.000 They're like, look, we've got to clean this up.
02:30:19.000 We've got to clean this up.
02:30:20.000 And so somewhere along the line, I don't know what year it was, the 80s maybe?
02:30:24.000 They started all just shaving down and waxing.
02:30:26.000 I feel like the 80s still had some hair.
02:30:28.000 I think it was the shift into high def that really took the hair away.
02:30:31.000 Oh, you might be right.
02:30:33.000 Well, it's also people got bored with the regular products.
02:30:37.000 Like we were talking about earlier, like, why are they still making porn?
02:30:41.000 Well, obviously...
02:30:42.000 There came a point in time where they had a shift from just two people meeting.
02:30:47.000 Pizza guy!
02:30:49.000 Come on in.
02:30:50.000 I don't have any money, but I can pay you in another...
02:30:53.000 Something happened along the way where porn itself changed.
02:30:57.000 They got tired of those scenarios, and then it became rough porn, and gagging, and mascara running, and snot.
02:31:06.000 Those are really crazy still.
02:31:08.000 Oh my god.
02:31:09.000 I saw this one where this girl, they laid her down on a bed, and her head hung off the edge of the bed, and guys just took turns just mouth-fucking her.
02:31:20.000 Just balls into her nose.
02:31:22.000 Just, and slobber, and she was like puking up saliva, coughing and spitting, and then she would And they would just right back in there and the next guy would do it and these guys were these giant cocked black guys with these big meaty asses and they'd just pound her fucking mouth.
02:31:42.000 Whoa!
02:31:43.000 It was just whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
02:31:46.000 But who's asking for that?
02:31:48.000 Someone's clearly asking for that.
02:31:50.000 How do you think they just had figured out, you know, we gotta present this in a different way?
02:31:54.000 I think it's probably the people that do the porn.
02:31:56.000 Like, we were talking about Max Hardcore being so fucking crazy.
02:31:59.000 I think they just get so bored with sex.
02:32:01.000 Yeah.
02:32:01.000 They're like, no, I'm opening your asshole, I'm gonna throw my keys in there.
02:32:05.000 Like, there's...
02:32:06.000 Right.
02:32:06.000 People have, like, we're gonna play jacks, I'm gonna throw the jacks in your asshole.
02:32:11.000 Something happened to people.
02:32:12.000 There's a progression to that.
02:32:13.000 It went from missionary to lay on your back, you know, get a doggy, and then it's like, you know, tongue my balls from underneath.
02:32:20.000 Let's go ass to mouth.
02:32:21.000 Someone was the first worst, and you go, I got an idea.
02:32:24.000 And then ass to mouth was born.
02:32:26.000 Is that safe to do?
02:32:28.000 Now it's a genre.
02:32:29.000 Yeah.
02:32:29.000 ATM. It's a genre, you know?
02:32:32.000 MILFs.
02:32:33.000 There's like a bunch of different genres.
02:32:35.000 GILFs.
02:32:35.000 You can find these genres.
02:32:37.000 Come on.
02:32:38.000 Yeah.
02:32:39.000 Jesus Christ.
02:32:41.000 60 plus milf.
02:32:42.000 But because of that, the images that people saw in pornography changed the way people take care of their pubic hair.
02:32:50.000 Yeah.
02:32:51.000 That's 100% what it was.
02:32:52.000 That's the influence.
02:32:54.000 Pornography changed the way women trim their pubic hair.
02:32:56.000 Yeah.
02:32:57.000 Maybe guys, too.
02:32:58.000 Oh, yeah.
02:32:59.000 Definitely.
02:32:59.000 Guys didn't trim out their hair before.
02:33:00.000 Guys didn't trim it at all before.
02:33:02.000 Do you Manscaped down there?
02:33:04.000 Sure.
02:33:04.000 Is it like your neck in the thriller thing?
02:33:06.000 Where it's like beard, beard, beard, no hair.
02:33:08.000 No, it's not.
02:33:09.000 Hair, chest, clean cock and clean bikini line, hairy legs.
02:33:14.000 That would be so weird.
02:33:16.000 It's not as crazy down there, but yeah, I'd definitely do some maintenance, man.
02:33:19.000 You know?
02:33:20.000 I like having a pretty clean ball bag.
02:33:22.000 That's a good move.
02:33:24.000 And then, you know, hair grows on the shaft.
02:33:26.000 I trim that off, too.
02:33:27.000 How much hair grows on your shaft, dude?
02:33:29.000 Just like my beard, like this.
02:33:30.000 What is going on with your dick?
02:33:32.000 No, it's just a few.
02:33:32.000 It's a few.
02:33:34.000 Your dick is a werewolf.
02:33:35.000 But I'll shave all around it, man.
02:33:37.000 I'll trim all around that.
02:33:37.000 Do you shave your asshole?
02:33:38.000 No.
02:33:39.000 I did it once.
02:33:40.000 I had it waxed once.
02:33:41.000 I did it once and I tweeted about it.
02:33:42.000 People got mad at me.
02:33:43.000 Why?
02:33:44.000 I don't know.
02:33:44.000 It was great.
02:33:45.000 I gotta say, I want to go back to it.
02:33:47.000 Shaving your asshole?
02:33:48.000 No, I had it waxed.
02:33:49.000 Why'd you do that?
02:33:50.000 For a radio show.
02:33:51.000 What radio show?
02:33:53.000 Bob and Tom.
02:33:54.000 They waxed your asshole?
02:33:55.000 Yeah.
02:33:56.000 But the...
02:33:59.000 Explain further, please.
02:34:01.000 They made some comment about waxing and hair, and I said something to them, like, well, next time I'm in town, I would do that, you know, to my ass.
02:34:10.000 Because I'd heard about how it ups your wipe game so much.
02:34:14.000 Oh, yeah, I would imagine.
02:34:15.000 Well, they did it.
02:34:16.000 It was fine.
02:34:17.000 Like, it wasn't that crazy to do.
02:34:19.000 It wasn't?
02:34:19.000 No.
02:34:20.000 Who did it?
02:34:21.000 They had a local people that waxed.
02:34:25.000 Male or female?
02:34:25.000 Female.
02:34:26.000 A girl saw your asshole.
02:34:27.000 She waxed it.
02:34:29.000 She got in there.
02:34:30.000 She got in there.
02:34:30.000 Did she have those Rubbermaid gloves?
02:34:32.000 She had some type of glove on, yeah.
02:34:34.000 Yeah.
02:34:35.000 Yeah, and then she was putting hot wax in my ass.
02:34:37.000 Imagine if she didn't.
02:34:38.000 You'd be like, um, are you professional?
02:34:41.000 She's pulling off with her teeth.
02:34:44.000 But here's the thing.
02:34:45.000 She uses her fingernails, chips it away like a sticker.
02:34:49.000 The memory isn't even getting waxed.
02:34:51.000 It's how great the wiping was for six weeks after that.
02:34:54.000 Six whole weeks until the stubble starts kicking in and you have unbelievable taint itch.
02:34:58.000 Yes.
02:34:59.000 Yeah.
02:35:00.000 The taint itch was other level.
02:35:01.000 But I didn't even know what it was like to wipe a few times.
02:35:06.000 I'd be like, yeah, I'm done.
02:35:07.000 Because when you have a hairy ass, you're like smearing shit onto the top of your head.
02:35:14.000 Picture that.
02:35:14.000 That's what you're doing with your hairy ass.
02:35:16.000 And you never quite get done.
02:35:19.000 Dude, I've gone through a roll of toilet paper for a normal shit to clean my ass.
02:35:25.000 So disgusting.
02:35:26.000 So one time I decided I was shaving my ball bag and I trim first and then I get in the shower and then I use a razor.
02:35:32.000 Right.
02:35:33.000 So I'm razoring my ball bag.
02:35:35.000 I go, you know, let me just fucking get in there.
02:35:37.000 Yeah.
02:35:37.000 And so I lifted my leg up because I'm quite flexible.
02:35:40.000 Right.
02:35:40.000 I put my leg up on the wall and just looked down there and just started shaving away.
02:35:44.000 The visual is amazing.
02:35:46.000 Hacking fucking trees out of my asshole.
02:35:48.000 First of all, I couldn't believe how long my asshole hair is.
02:35:52.000 Yeah.
02:35:52.000 It gets long.
02:35:53.000 You get something like that.
02:35:55.000 More than a beard.
02:35:57.000 Yeah, or a crazy beard.
02:35:59.000 Maybe like a Rasputin-type beard.
02:36:01.000 But how'd you feel after?
02:36:02.000 Great!
02:36:03.000 First of all, my farts changed.
02:36:05.000 The sound...
02:36:08.000 I was like, I couldn't...
02:36:09.000 It's almost like before, I was like farting through the forest.
02:36:11.000 And now it's like a...
02:36:13.000 All my farts were like wet.
02:36:15.000 And so...
02:36:16.000 Because it gets muffled with that hair.
02:36:19.000 Right?
02:36:20.000 They sounded different.
02:36:21.000 Yeah.
02:36:21.000 They literally sounded different.
02:36:23.000 And they were louder.
02:36:24.000 I couldn't sneak them.
02:36:26.000 That beautiful beef cream was coming out.
02:36:28.000 Beef cream?
02:36:32.000 What the fuck is beef?
02:36:33.000 Beef cream!
02:36:34.000 There's this guy that we found on our podcast.
02:36:37.000 What's his name?
02:36:38.000 His name's Thursday Lane.
02:36:39.000 Oh, this is another guy.
02:36:40.000 This isn't the other guy, the fart master guy.
02:36:42.000 It's not King Ash Ripper.
02:36:43.000 This guy is named...
02:36:46.000 He found a new guy!
02:36:47.000 Yeah.
02:36:47.000 His name is Diego, but he goes by Thursday Lane.
02:36:50.000 He has a fucking name.
02:36:52.000 He's got a rap name.
02:36:53.000 Yeah.
02:36:54.000 And he wants to be...
02:36:56.000 He wants to do fart fetish porn.
02:36:58.000 That's his dream.
02:36:59.000 So he posted all these videos about...
02:37:03.000 How much he loves farts, and that's how we got in touch with him.
02:37:06.000 And he has a description for whatever type of hair color you have, he associates it with a different type of cream or broth.
02:37:14.000 That's the smell to him.
02:37:16.000 So if you have brown hair, you have beef cream farts.
02:37:19.000 And if you have...
02:37:20.000 This is him?
02:37:21.000 This is him, yeah.
02:37:22.000 Thursday Lane marries a fart.
02:37:25.000 What?
02:37:26.000 Yeah, yeah, this is...
02:37:27.000 I'll play this.
02:37:27.000 What does that mean?
02:37:28.000 You'll see.
02:37:30.000 Marries a fart?
02:37:31.000 If you're a guy with a cop, picture me marrying your farts, where you're like the beef, chicken, spicy cream.
02:37:36.000 Can I marry y'all farts for life?
02:37:38.000 Please, please.
02:37:39.000 What is up with his hair?
02:37:40.000 It's different.
02:37:42.000 Ready?
02:37:42.000 One, two.
02:37:45.000 I just married a fart for life.
02:37:48.000 Thank you.
02:37:48.000 These are the three rings I got.
02:37:50.000 So a guy farts in his face and he gets super excited.
02:37:53.000 Yeah, he loves it.
02:37:53.000 I mean, you don't understand, so, you know, if you have, um...
02:37:57.000 He really does like it.
02:37:58.000 Oh, he loves it.
02:37:59.000 He's not kidding.
02:38:00.000 Oh, he just did a flip.
02:38:02.000 Well, he's, even the way...
02:38:03.000 Jesus Christ.
02:38:06.000 His face is in there.
02:38:07.000 That guy's eating that guy's ass.
02:38:08.000 I wonder if the guy who's farting in his face is gay or not.
02:38:11.000 I don't think he is.
02:38:12.000 He works for that, because we talked to that company, too.
02:38:15.000 Company?
02:38:15.000 Yeah, because we talked about them on our podcast.
02:38:18.000 What kind of company are we talking about?
02:38:19.000 It's hotmovies.com or something like that.
02:38:21.000 So they heard him on our podcast, and then they contacted him and shot that interview.
02:38:28.000 But he has a description for every hair color.
02:38:32.000 So if you have white hair, you're a silver trout cream.
02:38:36.000 If you have blonde hair, you're chicken cream.
02:38:39.000 So he associates these.
02:38:42.000 It's really intense.
02:38:43.000 He has a whole list of...
02:38:45.000 And he calls your farts beautiful guppies.
02:38:48.000 What the fuck is wrong with him?
02:38:50.000 He loves farts, man.
02:38:51.000 Did you ask him how this all happened?
02:38:53.000 Yeah, he likes to ramble, though, so I couldn't really keep him.
02:38:56.000 He kind of goes off on some stuff.
02:38:58.000 You're on the phone with him, not in real life.
02:39:00.000 Yeah, right.
02:39:00.000 So I was like, alright, man, we've got to pull this in.
02:39:04.000 I even said, I feel like I've got a little beef cream today.
02:39:08.000 He goes, mmm.
02:39:14.000 There's all types of people out there in this wacky world, Tom Segura.
02:39:18.000 There's so many wacky people, and if you met this guy and he was like, I love farts, nothing gets me off more.
02:39:23.000 That's what gets me when people say they're bothered by something.
02:39:26.000 Would it bother you that that's what he likes?
02:39:28.000 No, you don't give a shit.
02:39:29.000 Well, we're comedians.
02:39:31.000 Yeah, that's true.
02:39:32.000 Yeah.
02:39:32.000 I mean, that is what it is.
02:39:34.000 We're freaks.
02:39:35.000 We're not regular...
02:39:36.000 That's true.
02:39:37.000 I mean, there's a lot of freaks out there that have regular jobs that don't care either, but we're freaks.
02:39:42.000 Yeah.
02:39:42.000 You know, in terms of society, we're about as freaky as it gets.
02:39:46.000 That's true.
02:39:47.000 We're looking for this stuff.
02:39:49.000 I mean, you contacted this guy.
02:39:50.000 Yeah.
02:39:51.000 You wanted him on your show.
02:39:52.000 Yeah.
02:39:52.000 You got the throat master.
02:39:54.000 What's her name?
02:39:54.000 Throatzilla.
02:39:55.000 Throatzilla?
02:39:55.000 Yeah.
02:39:55.000 You had her on your show.
02:39:56.000 True.
02:39:57.000 I mean...
02:39:58.000 Yeah.
02:39:59.000 We're seeking it out.
02:40:00.000 Yeah!
02:40:00.000 And loving it, by the way.
02:40:01.000 Of course.
02:40:02.000 It's the best.
02:40:03.000 It's the best.
02:40:05.000 I wish I met somebody like that every day.
02:40:08.000 Why not, right?
02:40:09.000 Yeah.
02:40:11.000 Just like a professional cycler, I gotta pee.
02:40:14.000 Oh.
02:40:14.000 Well, we're done anyway.
02:40:15.000 It's 5 o'clock, man.
02:40:17.000 Yeah, we did three fucking hours.
02:40:18.000 Goddamn, Tom Segura.
02:40:19.000 That was fun.
02:40:20.000 That was fun.
02:40:21.000 What are you doing here?
02:40:22.000 Right here?
02:40:22.000 Monitor your peeing?
02:40:23.000 You're turning that on?
02:40:24.000 I'm turning it on to go pee.
02:40:25.000 Why?
02:40:26.000 Why?
02:40:27.000 I'm just...
02:40:28.000 I'm a vlogger, man.
02:40:30.000 Oh, you're vlogging?
02:40:31.000 I'm vlogging.
02:40:31.000 You know, people start saying that.
02:40:35.000 Excuse me.
02:40:35.000 I'm not in support of people saying it.
02:40:37.000 I don't mind reading it.
02:40:38.000 I make fun of it.
02:40:38.000 I make fun of it.
02:40:39.000 Vlogging?
02:40:40.000 Vlogging is a funny term to me.
02:40:42.000 I feel weird standing there pointing at the- you have a handle on it like it's a gun.
02:40:46.000 It's a- I've had it stick out of the jacket, by the way, and I've seen some people's eyes go like- Let me ask you this.
02:40:52.000 Yeah?
02:40:52.000 Yeah.
02:40:53.000 Why that and not just a phone?
02:40:55.000 Because it seems like a phone would make it easier to upload, the video's just as good.
02:40:59.000 It's not?
02:41:00.000 This picture quality's got to be better.
02:41:02.000 Much better.
02:41:03.000 Yeah?
02:41:04.000 Jamie?
02:41:04.000 It's easier to edit those videos.
02:41:06.000 It's actually not so easy to get the video off your iPhone.
02:41:09.000 You gotta connect it to your thing.
02:41:10.000 You can just take that card out and plug it in your computer.
02:41:13.000 It's not like it's super hard, but it's a little bit easier to deal with those.
02:41:17.000 Okay, I see what you're saying.
02:41:18.000 Okay.
02:41:18.000 I would think that just having a phone, it's easy.
02:41:21.000 I always have a phone.
02:41:22.000 You're right, but I think this picture is...
02:41:25.000 Better?
02:41:25.000 Yeah.
02:41:26.000 Oh, I'm sure it's better.
02:41:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:41:27.000 I mean, that thing sticks out.
02:41:29.000 It sticks out.
02:41:30.000 The lens sticks out.
02:41:32.000 Yeah.
02:41:32.000 That's real.
02:41:33.000 It's real.
02:41:33.000 It's real shit.
02:41:34.000 Alright, I'll knock it off.
02:41:35.000 No, you don't have to knock it off.
02:41:37.000 Well, you know.
02:41:38.000 I just want to say everybody, if you're watching this, you need to watch Tom Segura on Netflix starting January 8th.
02:41:47.000 It's called Mostly Stories, and it's fucking hilarious, and I've seen most of what Mostly Stories is, and it's gut-wrenchingly hilarious, you fucks!
02:41:57.000 Before you watch F is for Family, or Narcos, or any of that shit, watch Mostly Stories, January 8th, Friday, on Netflix.
02:42:10.000 All right, folks.
02:42:11.000 Thanks, Rogan.
02:42:12.000 Podcast is over.
02:42:14.000 Tom Segura on Twitter.
02:42:16.000 You can also listen to your mom's house with Tom and his lovely wife, Christina P. Congratulations on the little bambino, the little Tom Segura with his giant hog.
02:42:27.000 Grazie, man.
02:42:27.000 Grazie.
02:42:28.000 All right, fuckers.
02:42:29.000 That's it for the week.
02:42:30.000 We'll be back next week with lots of awesome people.
02:42:33.000 Bye-bye.
02:42:33.000 Big kiss.