The Joe Rogan Experience - January 27, 2016


Joe Rogan Experience #753 - Hannibal Buress


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 16 minutes

Words per Minute

178.99059

Word Count

24,471

Sentence Count

2,816

Misogynist Sentences

116


Summary

Comedian Bill Cosby is back in Los Angeles and we talk about the Cosby rape scandal, his new stand-up comedy special, and how he's dealing with the aftermath of the scandal. We also talk about his new comedy special and what it's like to work with Bill Cosby. And of course, we talk a little bit about Bill Cosby and his new Netflix special, The Cosby Show . We also discuss the Cosby scandal and how it's affected him and the way he's dealt with the backlash. And we get into the fallout from the new Bill Cosby documentary, Cosby: My Life on the Run . and much, much more! This episode is brought to you by Vevolution and Funny or Die. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The 500 is a production of Native Creative Podcasts. Our theme song is Come Alone by Suneaters, courtesy of Lotuspool Records. We are a proud member of the Native Creative Music Project. and our ad music is by Native Creative. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review and subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, rate and review on iTunes, and tell a friend about what you think of the music you heard on your favorite streaming platform! Thank you for listening and sharing it! and spreading the word to your friends and spreading it around the word around the wide world! Love Ghostz! Peace, Blessings, Hazel Halite Cheers, Cheers. - Cheers! Cheers - Ghostz, Hazel, Jaxon, Jack, Kristy, EJ, Gorms, Joe, Gynn, Jeezy, Jody, and Glynis, Jazmin, and Kacie, Jr. Love Birds, Sr. & Korte, Sarah, Jadynne, Sr., EJKJody, Jr., & Kameron, etc., etc. - Thank you so much, KEVIN Jeeves, Kristian, J-OJAYE, JACOB, JAYE & J-YANTHOR, JAMIE, R.J. & KAREN M.A. BABYE, JR. & JACO, SONGS, etc.


Transcript

00:00:02.000 Boom!
00:00:02.000 Jamie's fast today.
00:00:04.000 Damn!
00:00:05.000 How are you, brother?
00:00:06.000 I'm good.
00:00:06.000 Good to see you, man.
00:00:07.000 What's happening?
00:00:07.000 How you been?
00:00:08.000 I've been good.
00:00:09.000 Glad to be back.
00:00:11.000 Was the last time you were here was after all the Cosby craziness?
00:00:15.000 Or before?
00:00:16.000 No.
00:00:16.000 Last time I was here was in 2014. Right.
00:00:21.000 Early 2014. So it was before?
00:00:23.000 March 2014. Damn, you gotta remember.
00:00:25.000 When I was doing the press for Live from Chicago, my last special.
00:00:28.000 Oh, that's right.
00:00:29.000 Yeah.
00:00:30.000 What was that on?
00:00:31.000 That was on Comedy Central, but we're getting it on Netflix in advance of this special.
00:00:36.000 Me too.
00:00:37.000 I'm doing Netflix now from now on.
00:00:39.000 Yeah.
00:00:40.000 Yeah, it's just like so easy.
00:00:42.000 Easy for people to get.
00:00:43.000 They can watch it wherever.
00:00:45.000 They can, you know, they can find it months.
00:00:47.000 They can watch it the day of.
00:00:49.000 They can watch it months later.
00:00:51.000 It's wherever.
00:00:52.000 You can promote it whenever.
00:00:54.000 It's just, I'm really excited for this one.
00:00:56.000 Yeah.
00:00:57.000 No, Netflix is amazing.
00:00:58.000 I've become a Netflix junkie over the last couple of months.
00:01:01.000 All I do is that Narcos show.
00:01:03.000 Have you seen Narcos?
00:01:04.000 I saw the first couple.
00:01:05.000 Whoa!
00:01:05.000 It's pretty good.
00:01:06.000 Goddamn, that's a good show.
00:01:08.000 It's a really good show.
00:01:08.000 I'm seven episodes in and every episode I'm white knuckling.
00:01:12.000 Just grabbing the couch like...
00:01:14.000 I gotta get back.
00:01:16.000 But yeah, I watched the first couple and it was dope.
00:01:18.000 But they have so much fucking money now.
00:01:20.000 They can do whatever they want.
00:01:21.000 They can make TV shows that are like movies.
00:01:24.000 Yeah.
00:01:24.000 Sort of like how HBO does, you know?
00:01:26.000 Yeah, they make some good stuff, man.
00:01:27.000 And they're easy to work with, too.
00:01:30.000 Who's the kid on your shirt?
00:01:31.000 You know, I did an interview yesterday.
00:01:35.000 With this woman, it was a thing for Vice, and so she gave me some shirts.
00:01:41.000 She brought me some shirts from this store.
00:01:42.000 She had got them for free or whatever, and so this is just...
00:01:45.000 Just a shirt?
00:01:46.000 This is my favorite shirt out of the three.
00:01:47.000 Just a cute little kid, and it's just fucking awesome.
00:01:50.000 Yeah, it looked like it could maybe be me.
00:01:53.000 That's why I sort of like...
00:01:54.000 It kind of could be you.
00:01:55.000 Maybe a little bit.
00:01:57.000 The other shirts I did, it was one other shirt.
00:01:59.000 It was a woman...
00:02:01.000 Pulling down, like, it was a sketch of a woman pulling down her pants, standing over a dog.
00:02:07.000 That's a bit weird.
00:02:08.000 And there's another one that it's had, the text said, young Republican, and then it was a person in a Klan outfit.
00:02:16.000 And I was like, alright, I get what you're going for, but I'm still not rocking that.
00:02:19.000 So this was the winner out of the three.
00:02:21.000 That one, that's wearable.
00:02:23.000 That's a cute kid.
00:02:24.000 Yeah.
00:02:25.000 Young Republican.
00:02:26.000 Stop.
00:02:27.000 Stop, everybody.
00:02:28.000 Stop.
00:02:30.000 So what has it been like, man?
00:02:32.000 You sunk the Cosby rape ship.
00:02:36.000 I mean, I didn't expect to still be talking about it now.
00:02:42.000 I saw you in January of last year at UFC. And yeah, so I didn't expect it to still be...
00:02:57.000 It's not about me, you know what I mean?
00:02:59.000 But people made it about...
00:03:00.000 It's just about...
00:03:01.000 I did a joke and people kind of...
00:03:05.000 But it's not really...
00:03:06.000 It's not about me at all.
00:03:09.000 But that makes the story...
00:03:13.000 Better for people, but it's not about me.
00:03:17.000 That's a good way of putting it.
00:03:18.000 It makes the story better.
00:03:20.000 Yeah, it's like, oh, he said it, but it's like, who gives a shit?
00:03:25.000 But it is strange, though, that just you saying it on stage, for whatever reason, it getting into a video, and then all of a sudden everybody was like, yeah, is that shit true?
00:03:34.000 Because everybody had heard about it.
00:03:36.000 It was one of those things that everybody had kind of heard.
00:03:38.000 Like you had heard rumors, but it was never anything like concrete, you know?
00:03:44.000 You know what I mean?
00:03:44.000 Yeah.
00:03:45.000 And then all of a sudden, that was like the match that lit the fire.
00:03:51.000 You know what really people forget about this part of it?
00:03:56.000 Because I remember being...
00:03:58.000 I was on tour in November 2014. I remember being on my tour bus and he had put out this thing, Cosby meme.
00:04:09.000 Yes!
00:04:10.000 And then it actually had died down a little bit.
00:04:14.000 This was, let's say, November...
00:04:19.000 Tenth-ish, twelfth-ish, around that range.
00:04:22.000 And he put out Cosby Meme, Meme, and you could go on his site, different images, and then people started saying stuff about it.
00:04:32.000 And then that's what made it take off again.
00:04:34.000 People forget about that.
00:04:35.000 Really?
00:04:36.000 Yes.
00:04:37.000 And it's actually, because I remember there being like Google Analytics About it, where it peaked for a little bit in mid-October, and then it dipped, and then the Cosby meme is what set it back off again.
00:04:53.000 The internet is so fascinating because nobody knows how to manage that kind of shit.
00:04:58.000 Like if you're like a PR person, there's nothing you can do.
00:05:01.000 First of all, whoever did the meme thing, I'm convinced that the dude who did...
00:05:06.000 I would imagine whoever did the meme thing was probably somebody who works on his website, right?
00:05:11.000 So somebody who works on his website is like a web culture person, someone who understands the internet, some tech dude or woman.
00:05:19.000 A tech person is gonna know what the fuck is gonna happen when they do that.
00:05:23.000 I almost think they did it on purpose.
00:05:25.000 That's my conspiracy theory.
00:05:26.000 Yeah.
00:05:27.000 Yeah, I think they thought he was a piece of shit, and they said, look, I got an idea.
00:05:32.000 I don't know, man.
00:05:34.000 But it's definitely weird.
00:05:36.000 But I'm trying to, you know...
00:05:37.000 Move on.
00:05:38.000 Move on.
00:05:39.000 I mean, as I continue to say, it's not really about me.
00:05:45.000 I talk about the reaction to it in my...
00:05:47.000 Because it was...
00:05:49.000 Really, uh, crazy.
00:05:51.000 It was stressful, too, just to be in the, just casually, you know, going on social media or going on a site how I normally would, and then just seeing my name, you know what I mean?
00:06:05.000 Yeah.
00:06:05.000 Not looking for it.
00:06:06.000 Right.
00:06:06.000 Like, not Googling myself, but just going to a site, and it's like Hannibal Buress, like, oh, shit!
00:06:11.000 Yeah.
00:06:13.000 Well, and originally, initially at least, people were mad at you.
00:06:17.000 Yeah, some still are.
00:06:19.000 Really?
00:06:19.000 Yeah.
00:06:20.000 That's crazy.
00:06:21.000 People just, they like, yeah, they think I'm part of a, it's a small amount of people, like vocal, but they're vocal online, so it seems like it's more.
00:06:30.000 Do you see that B.O.B. dude thinks that the earth is flat?
00:06:32.000 Yeah.
00:06:33.000 There's a lot of fucking strange people out there, but that's one of the big conspiracies was that Bill Cosby was trying to buy NBC, and that they didn't want Bill Cosby to buy NBC, so they came out with all these...
00:06:45.000 Yeah.
00:06:45.000 Fake charges.
00:06:47.000 Yeah, and then they gave me a role.
00:06:49.000 They gave me my own TV show as a reward.
00:06:52.000 Yeah, they gave you a TV show.
00:06:53.000 But you already had the TV show.
00:06:54.000 That's what's so stupid.
00:06:55.000 I had the deal in mid-2014.
00:06:59.000 Well, luckily, you're a very funny, talented guy.
00:07:03.000 So this isn't going to fuck you over.
00:07:05.000 I mean, and it was funny.
00:07:06.000 I could have, like, as far as leaning into it, Dude, like dozens and dozens of media requests that I didn't do.
00:07:15.000 Good.
00:07:16.000 I came to my place one day in fucking...
00:07:19.000 I've been on the road for a couple weeks.
00:07:21.000 I come back to my apartment.
00:07:23.000 It's an Inside Edition business card slipped under my door.
00:07:26.000 It got into my building as if I would come home and, oh, Inside Edition.
00:07:32.000 Yeah, I'm going to go on there now.
00:07:33.000 They're very resourceful getting into my building.
00:07:36.000 Shh!
00:07:37.000 That's creepy.
00:07:38.000 It was.
00:07:39.000 It was really creepy.
00:07:41.000 Like, people getting my cell phone out of nowhere.
00:07:44.000 Like, hey, you want to come in and talk about a joke?
00:07:45.000 I was like, eh, no.
00:07:47.000 But, yeah, it was all good.
00:07:50.000 B.O.B. thinks the world is flat.
00:07:52.000 And he was arguing with Neil deGrasse Tyson, so he wrote a diss song.
00:07:56.000 Did you hear the song?
00:07:57.000 No, I can't bring myself.
00:07:59.000 The song is, because B.O.B. is a pretty, it's funny because the song, even though it's full of fallacies and wrong shit, the song sounds good.
00:08:09.000 And then Neil deGrasse Tyson, his nephew or somebody who's also in the science, he put out a song, and his song sounds garbage, but it has the facts in it.
00:08:23.000 But it sounds...
00:08:25.000 Horrible.
00:08:26.000 He has a horrible rap voice.
00:08:29.000 His voice is silent.
00:08:30.000 Why is this guy rapping?
00:08:31.000 This guy can teach me something.
00:08:33.000 He could do a YouTube video about why, you know, Mentos explode in a goddamn Coca-Cola, but I don't want to hear this guy rap.
00:08:41.000 It was horrible.
00:08:42.000 So it's weird.
00:08:43.000 That's unfortunate that the truth gets a shitty voice.
00:08:46.000 The internet is weird, man.
00:08:49.000 I wonder how much, if B.O.B. really believed that, of he just...
00:08:54.000 Because that's strategy.
00:08:55.000 People know how to manipulate people.
00:08:59.000 You can say something contrary and then people respond.
00:09:03.000 I mean, that's the nature of when people...
00:09:05.000 I got fans that'll...
00:09:08.000 You probably had to say, but fans will just be like, fuck you, you piece of shit!
00:09:13.000 And you're like, what's going on, man?
00:09:14.000 I'm a huge fan.
00:09:15.000 I just wanted to get your attention.
00:09:17.000 That does happen.
00:09:18.000 And so, I wonder if it's the same thing with...
00:09:22.000 Like, B.O.B., I know this will get people going.
00:09:25.000 Because out of nowhere, he doesn't tweet you.
00:09:26.000 I mean, I haven't checked his history, but I don't know if he has posed any other scientific theories outside of this.
00:09:33.000 But out of nowhere, he's like, you know what?
00:09:35.000 I'm about to post 10 tweets about the world potentially being flat.
00:09:40.000 It's like, I think he just wanted...
00:09:41.000 But there's a lot of people that believe it.
00:09:44.000 That's what's fucked up.
00:09:45.000 Tila tequila.
00:09:48.000 But...
00:09:50.000 I mean, come on.
00:09:51.000 When did you say Tila Tequila?
00:09:54.000 When was the last time you said Tila Tequila before she said the world is flat?
00:09:57.000 That's true.
00:09:58.000 That's true.
00:09:59.000 Tila Tequila popped off on Myspace.
00:10:01.000 Yeah.
00:10:02.000 We did Gathering of the Juggalos the same year.
00:10:05.000 You did The Gathering of the Juggalos?
00:10:07.000 I did The Gathering of the Juggalos in 2010. How was that?
00:10:10.000 It went well.
00:10:11.000 I did it for the stories and just for the experience and because they offered me more for one show than anybody was offering me at that time.
00:10:24.000 Teal Tequila did porn.
00:10:26.000 Yeah?
00:10:26.000 Yeah.
00:10:27.000 She did a good job.
00:10:28.000 She did a good job?
00:10:29.000 She did a good job.
00:10:30.000 She got potential in that market.
00:10:31.000 I went to the AVNs.
00:10:33.000 Oh, did you?
00:10:34.000 Yeah.
00:10:34.000 What's that like?
00:10:35.000 This year?
00:10:35.000 I just went...
00:10:36.000 Yeah, I went...
00:10:37.000 It's this weekend in Vegas.
00:10:38.000 How was it?
00:10:38.000 It was interesting.
00:10:40.000 I went and walked the convention floor...
00:10:43.000 At first, I was a little bit trying to play.
00:10:47.000 I actually was self-conscious about being there.
00:10:49.000 Like, is this bad?
00:10:51.000 Is it, like, not a good look for me to be here?
00:10:54.000 So people were asking to take pictures.
00:10:56.000 Like, no, man.
00:10:56.000 You didn't see me here.
00:10:59.000 Oh, you told people no?
00:11:00.000 I tell people no, but then afterwards I loosened up and shit.
00:11:03.000 It was just, you know, talk to some porn stars and it's just an interesting vibe.
00:11:08.000 And walking around the convention floor, I felt comfortable being amongst other creeps.
00:11:15.000 Everybody's gawking at me.
00:11:18.000 It was fun though, man.
00:11:21.000 Sat in the front row at the awards.
00:11:23.000 Did you really?
00:11:24.000 Yeah.
00:11:24.000 Next to Dana D'Armond.
00:11:26.000 Oh yeah, I know Dana.
00:11:28.000 And Ron Jeremy was to the left of her.
00:11:30.000 Then some other porn lady was next to me in Lexington Steel.
00:11:35.000 And me, I think I was the only non-porn person in the first few rows.
00:11:41.000 Doug Benson was there somewhere.
00:11:43.000 I hope I'm not blowing his spot up or some shit.
00:11:45.000 No, I'm sure everybody knows he's a creeper.
00:11:49.000 I mean that in the best way.
00:11:51.000 It was an interesting vibe, man.
00:11:53.000 These chicks walking out, rocking around with their shit out.
00:11:57.000 It's weird, right?
00:12:01.000 Because everybody loves sex.
00:12:03.000 I mean, sex is...
00:12:05.000 It's one of the favorite things that people do, but the idea of filming it is something fucking real taboo about it.
00:12:15.000 Real lockdown and taboo and even like the admission that you enjoy it is controversial.
00:12:22.000 Right, even though it's a Multi-billion dollar business with his own award show.
00:12:29.000 So it's definitely doing well.
00:12:30.000 Well, it's still a multi-billion dollar business and it's all free now.
00:12:33.000 That's what's fucked up about it.
00:12:35.000 Because it used to be a multi-billion dollar business and it made sense because they were selling DVDs.
00:12:39.000 But now the multi-billion dollar business is mostly pay-per-view in hotel rooms.
00:12:44.000 Oh.
00:12:44.000 That's where they make a lot of money.
00:12:46.000 Dude.
00:12:47.000 Yeah.
00:12:47.000 One time I was playing Zany's in St. Charles.
00:12:52.000 Which is about...
00:12:53.000 It's a good gig.
00:12:54.000 It's outside of Chicago.
00:12:56.000 Yeah.
00:12:56.000 By about 45 minutes an hour or so.
00:12:59.000 And so, you know, if I had a car, I would have just went to the gig and went home every night.
00:13:06.000 But I didn't have a car, so I got a ride out there.
00:13:08.000 And I stayed there for the weekend.
00:13:10.000 I remember...
00:13:11.000 I didn't have a laptop.
00:13:13.000 I didn't own a laptop at the time.
00:13:14.000 This was like 2007 or some shit.
00:13:17.000 And so, um...
00:13:19.000 I was like, I'm going to order some hotel porn.
00:13:23.000 But the stuff I kept ordering, I ordered...
00:13:26.000 It was soft porn, so it was showing no penetration or no anything.
00:13:29.000 It was just like the grinding.
00:13:32.000 And I was like, this fucking sucks.
00:13:33.000 I ordered another one, and it was still soft porn.
00:13:38.000 And I ordered a third one.
00:13:40.000 Soft porn.
00:13:41.000 So I spent $10 a pop on soft porn, and I kind of wanted to...
00:13:47.000 Go to or call the front desk like these movies aren't what I thought they were, but I just I just ate the charges That's how it used to be in hotel rooms.
00:13:57.000 They'd show no penetration and they'd show no cum shots Yeah, yeah, they would show like scenes of people on top of it didn't Bill Hicks used to have a bit about it Yeah, Billy Bill Hicks used to have a bit about hotel porn Because they used to do, apparently the way they used to film scenes is they would film a hardcore scene and a softcore version.
00:14:18.000 So they would have softcore scenes where they shot angles where they knew you couldn't see anything.
00:14:23.000 And they did it specifically just for hotel rooms.
00:14:26.000 All those hotel chains, like the Marriott's and all those, those are the biggest porn sellers in the world.
00:14:33.000 You don't think about it, but they're all in the porn business.
00:14:36.000 They make a fuckload of money off of porn.
00:14:39.000 Because, I mean, they're charging now.
00:14:41.000 How much is it now?
00:14:42.000 Like 20 bucks or something?
00:14:43.000 Probably.
00:14:44.000 I haven't looked in a long time.
00:14:46.000 I know.
00:14:47.000 I go on the internet.
00:14:49.000 I haven't looked at that stuff.
00:14:50.000 I think it's like 20 bucks.
00:14:52.000 Yeah.
00:14:52.000 Or somewhere close.
00:14:53.000 I mean, I guess that's the move if you want to watch porn on TV. Yeah, if you want to watch a big screen.
00:14:58.000 But sometimes you can't even rewind on those.
00:15:00.000 That's a problem.
00:15:01.000 Yeah.
00:15:02.000 Or pause.
00:15:03.000 Yeah, it's very restrictive.
00:15:06.000 What do you think?
00:15:07.000 Because I got to think about this at the awards.
00:15:12.000 Because they had awards for everything.
00:15:13.000 It's just...
00:15:14.000 Best director.
00:15:16.000 What makes a good porn director?
00:15:19.000 I feel like I could direct.
00:15:20.000 I think I could jump into porn directing kind of easy.
00:15:24.000 If you just give me 12 hours to watch a bunch of different porn, give me the screeners for the best director nominees, I feel like I could mimic what they do.
00:15:35.000 Within my third directing.
00:15:37.000 Well, you gotta think that there's not a whole lot to it because it's just sex.
00:15:41.000 It's not like you're directing some car chase on a bridge and there's a fucking monster coming after the people.
00:15:46.000 Yeah.
00:15:46.000 No, this is real simple.
00:15:47.000 It's just fucking.
00:15:48.000 Yeah.
00:15:50.000 But if you talk to the porn people, they take that shit super seriously.
00:15:53.000 Right.
00:15:54.000 I wrote a piece on my blog a long time ago about a porn party.
00:15:57.000 Because I had a buddy that I used to do jujitsu with who was a director for a porn company.
00:16:02.000 And he held a party for the release of this film that he made.
00:16:06.000 It was like an art film.
00:16:08.000 And what he wanted to do was make a real movie with a real plot and real dialogue, but have people fucking it.
00:16:14.000 Yeah.
00:16:15.000 And we didn't know what it was.
00:16:17.000 It was just a bunch of guys from jujitsu who invited us to the party.
00:16:19.000 We all went.
00:16:20.000 We're like, what the fuck is going on here?
00:16:21.000 So they have this projection screen and they start playing the scenes.
00:16:24.000 So they play this movie.
00:16:26.000 And he gets out there and he's talking about it like they said this couldn't be done.
00:16:29.000 They said that what I was doing was just the industry wouldn't accept it.
00:16:34.000 But I did it.
00:16:34.000 I'm here.
00:16:35.000 And I showed them.
00:16:37.000 Yeah, the porn people.
00:16:38.000 This is back when porn made money.
00:16:40.000 We're talking like early 2000s, like 2001 or something like that.
00:16:44.000 So then Like we're watching the scene right the scenes ridiculous This this is ass-to-mouth scene this dude's banging this chick in the ass then fucking her mouth and she's making these gagging otter noises like Then someone says she's here and his car pulls up and the girl gets out the girl who's in the scene and she gets out with a dude and And the dude gets out,
00:17:10.000 looks at the screen, looks at her, raises his hand like this, and she's like, and he's like, you know, he's making these, like, we can't see what he's saying, but he's like, why didn't you tell me?
00:17:22.000 And she's like, I was gonna, I was gonna tell you.
00:17:25.000 And so we're like, do you think that he didn't know that she was a porn star?
00:17:29.000 Like, do you think that he didn't know?
00:17:30.000 Maybe he didn't know, so we had to figure it out, right?
00:17:32.000 So I go, hey man.
00:17:33.000 I go, come here for a second.
00:17:34.000 So the dude comes over and I go, did you not know that she was going to be in film?
00:17:40.000 He goes, dude, I thought she was a hairdresser.
00:17:43.000 I go, come on.
00:17:44.000 He goes, yeah, she told me she does hairdressing and makeup.
00:17:46.000 I go, are you fucking kidding me?
00:17:48.000 And that's how he broke into her?
00:17:49.000 And she took him to this party.
00:17:51.000 Yeah.
00:17:51.000 She took him there.
00:17:52.000 She met him at like some bar.
00:17:55.000 How long ago?
00:17:56.000 How long before the party?
00:17:58.000 I think like the day before.
00:17:59.000 Ah, okay.
00:18:00.000 Yeah, I mean, she don't owe him shit.
00:18:02.000 That's true.
00:18:03.000 That's true.
00:18:04.000 She tried to show him what she's capable of, what he can have.
00:18:11.000 I wish I knew specifically how long they knew each other.
00:18:13.000 I don't think it was very long.
00:18:14.000 If it's a week, she's trying to show him what's up.
00:18:17.000 I guess.
00:18:18.000 And just try to surprise him.
00:18:19.000 It was more like, hey, look what the fuck I'm up to.
00:18:22.000 You want some of that?
00:18:23.000 Let's go.
00:18:23.000 I guess.
00:18:24.000 But he came at the right time.
00:18:26.000 Because it was just ass, mouth, ass, mouth.
00:18:29.000 The way I describe it was like, the dude's ball slapping against her ass was like two chalk erasers.
00:18:35.000 Like chalk boys.
00:18:35.000 Like, slap, slap, slap, slap.
00:18:37.000 And then he would go from that to her mouth.
00:18:41.000 And that's right where homeboy walked in, got out of the car, and was like, what in the fuck?
00:18:51.000 I got pictures of them together.
00:18:53.000 I got pictures of him and us.
00:18:55.000 It's all online.
00:18:56.000 You can find it on...
00:18:57.000 Her name was Gia Paloma.
00:18:59.000 She was like a famous porn star back in the day.
00:19:02.000 I think she's since retired.
00:19:04.000 So short life, those young gals.
00:19:07.000 It's not like something you could do like Meryl Streep deep into your 50s.
00:19:10.000 Well, it's Nina Hartley.
00:19:12.000 Does she still do it?
00:19:13.000 I saw her at the convention.
00:19:15.000 She had a long line of people waiting for her.
00:19:18.000 Well, she's a rare one.
00:19:19.000 Yeah.
00:19:20.000 She's a rare one.
00:19:21.000 Especially for girls, right?
00:19:22.000 Yeah.
00:19:23.000 She's odd, though, man.
00:19:25.000 She did Kevin Pereira's podcast, and I was there for a little bit, because I just happened to be...
00:19:29.000 It was at the Ice House, and he had me sit in with her for a little bit.
00:19:33.000 But she was talking about how whenever she fucks, she doesn't just make people wear condoms, she makes people wear gloves.
00:19:38.000 What do you put...
00:19:39.000 Oh, you found the pictures?
00:19:40.000 Yeah.
00:19:41.000 She doesn't...
00:19:42.000 See, this is all true.
00:19:44.000 Oh, that's them?
00:19:45.000 That's the girl.
00:19:46.000 That's the guy.
00:19:47.000 And what's the caption?
00:19:49.000 I don't know, man.
00:19:51.000 And the dude and the slut lol.
00:19:54.000 Not even that hot.
00:19:55.000 That's not my caption.
00:19:57.000 Oh, it's not your caption.
00:19:57.000 No, that's from...
00:19:58.000 Oh, Cliff Notes.
00:20:00.000 Oh, you talked about it on one before.
00:20:02.000 Yeah.
00:20:02.000 Okay.
00:20:03.000 Well, there's a blog.
00:20:03.000 The blog should still be up on my website, is it?
00:20:06.000 I found it on a bodybuilding message board.
00:20:08.000 Someone copied and pasted the whole blog.
00:20:10.000 Did you follow up with them at all?
00:20:11.000 Any update?
00:20:13.000 No, but I did run into the dude one day at Chipotle, like way back in the day.
00:20:21.000 Well, not Chipotle.
00:20:22.000 One of them Mexican joints.
00:20:23.000 But it was...
00:20:26.000 But that is 100% true.
00:20:28.000 A little fresh-faced young fella.
00:20:30.000 He looked like just an innocent young kid from the valley.
00:20:34.000 Had no fucking idea.
00:20:35.000 He was a nice guy.
00:20:36.000 He had a great sense of humor, I'll tell you that, man.
00:20:39.000 Because he was definitely dumbfounded by the experience, but laughing a lot.
00:20:45.000 He was laughing.
00:20:46.000 He wasn't upset.
00:20:47.000 Like, damn, I was going to marry her.
00:20:48.000 Was he laughing laughing or was it nervous?
00:20:51.000 Well, it was both.
00:20:53.000 There was both.
00:20:57.000 That's not a good picture of her.
00:20:58.000 She's an attractive girl.
00:20:59.000 He probably thought, hey, this girl's cool, man.
00:21:02.000 We're going to get our free guns.
00:21:05.000 Meanwhile...
00:21:05.000 I think he probably still went for it.
00:21:10.000 I couldn't...
00:21:11.000 Could be.
00:21:12.000 You never know.
00:21:14.000 You never know.
00:21:14.000 I had a weird conversation with a dude who was there, too.
00:21:17.000 He was a male porn star and was talking very serious about how he has to keep his edge.
00:21:22.000 And I was like, what do you mean?
00:21:24.000 He's like, you gotta keep your edge.
00:21:25.000 You can't relax when you're on the set.
00:21:28.000 You gotta keep your edge.
00:21:29.000 And I go, well, what do you mean by that?
00:21:30.000 He's like, you gotta always be ready to fuck.
00:21:33.000 You gotta always be ready, like, wanna go, like, right now.
00:21:35.000 I'm like, really?
00:21:37.000 Like, that's how you, like, on the set, sort of like...
00:21:40.000 This probably sucked.
00:21:41.000 Yeah, go ahead.
00:21:41.000 Yeah, I mean...
00:21:42.000 There's some mental stuff to that, man.
00:21:44.000 Of course.
00:21:44.000 Yeah.
00:21:45.000 This is pre-Viagra.
00:21:46.000 Yeah.
00:21:47.000 I mean, we're talking about 2000, 2001. I don't think they had Viagra back then.
00:21:52.000 I don't think they did.
00:21:53.000 I don't know what type of stuff they say to themselves in their head while they're doing it.
00:22:00.000 Let's find out.
00:22:00.000 Find out when they invented Viagra, Jamie.
00:22:02.000 Viagra was, I feel like, 90s?
00:22:05.000 Mid-90s?
00:22:05.000 Really?
00:22:07.000 Could be.
00:22:08.000 Yeah, I feel like Vag was 98-ish.
00:22:11.000 Look at you, you fucking nailed it.
00:22:13.000 March 27th, 98. Jesus Christ, Hannibal!
00:22:16.000 How good are you?
00:22:18.000 How did you nail it like that?
00:22:19.000 I just remember it being, I just remember the stories in high school and shit around then.
00:22:25.000 I just remember it being, and you know how everybody was making those late night jokes about it.
00:22:31.000 Oh, that's true, right?
00:22:32.000 That same joke.
00:22:45.000 Yeah, that's one of those jokes that nobody could say they got ripped off.
00:22:49.000 That is a joke that fucking everybody did.
00:22:54.000 What is your take on all this Amy Schumer shit?
00:22:56.000 I don't know.
00:22:57.000 I've been looking at it.
00:22:59.000 I've been looking at it.
00:23:00.000 I don't think she would take jokes.
00:23:03.000 I don't think she would take...
00:23:04.000 And a lot of the jokes that...
00:23:09.000 Have you seen the most recent ones?
00:23:11.000 What's the most recent one?
00:23:12.000 There's a gang of them.
00:23:13.000 They put together some compilations.
00:23:15.000 There's a few of them that are definitely suspicious.
00:23:18.000 But the problem is, when you're looking like this, when you're scouring all the hours of stand-up that I'm sure she's done places, you can find similar premises and shit like that.
00:23:31.000 I think the real issue is whoever wrote for the sketch show.
00:23:34.000 Whoever wrote those sketches, at the very least there's an originality problem, at the very least.
00:23:39.000 But the Kathleen Madigan one is a real egregious one because you could totally come up with the same idea that Kathleen Madigan had about someone slapping food out of your mouth.
00:23:51.000 As a matter of fact, someone said, I think Ari Shaffir said that that used to be on the Flintstones.
00:23:56.000 There was an episode of the Flintstones where Fred was trying to lose weight and so he had like a robot that would slap food out of his mouth or something along those lines.
00:24:07.000 See if you can find that.
00:24:11.000 But the fact that it was the same two bits back to back, like Kathleen had that, and Kathleen had, you know, I would hire somebody.
00:24:20.000 Kathleen Madigan's bit was about Oprah, about how Oprah's so rich, like how could she be so fat?
00:24:24.000 If I was that rich, I'd have people slap food out of my mouth.
00:24:27.000 I would hire someone to exercise me while I slept, like a baby, with cerebral palsy.
00:24:33.000 So they go from the slap thing right To the exercise you while you're asleep.
00:24:39.000 But back to back.
00:24:40.000 It's too close.
00:24:41.000 Then there was this one from College Humor that was a sketch about the audition for Two Girls, One Cup.
00:24:48.000 And it's the exact same setup.
00:24:50.000 I mean, Fred.
00:24:52.000 Oh, look at that.
00:24:53.000 See?
00:24:57.000 He hired someone to knock food out of his mouth.
00:25:00.000 That's not the most original idea.
00:25:02.000 People have thought that before.
00:25:04.000 The real problem is they're back-to-back.
00:25:06.000 The same thing, back-to-back.
00:25:08.000 Then there's the College Humor one, which is the fucking exact same setup.
00:25:13.000 They're in the office.
00:25:14.000 They're going through the audition process for Two Girls, One Cup.
00:25:18.000 I mean, it's the same fucking thing.
00:25:19.000 And there's a couple other ones.
00:25:21.000 So, there's an originality problem with somebody, you know?
00:25:24.000 I didn't know that college humor bit.
00:25:27.000 So, like, say if I was doing a sketch show and someone came to me while we were doing a sketch show and said, hey, how about we do a sketch about the audition process for Two Girls, One Cup?
00:25:36.000 I'd be like, that's fucking great.
00:25:37.000 Yeah, what do we do?
00:25:38.000 How do we do it?
00:25:39.000 So, she might not have had any knowledge at all that those other bits existed.
00:25:44.000 Like, there's so much content out there today.
00:25:46.000 To be aware of every premise and every bit is almost impossible.
00:25:51.000 It's tough, man.
00:25:52.000 When I was doing my show, I would get pitched stuff and everything.
00:25:56.000 I don't know all comedy, obviously, but sometimes I would try to remember stuff, but you can't remember everything.
00:26:07.000 Well, back in the day.
00:26:09.000 I think...
00:26:10.000 We kicked people from In Living Color out of the comedy store.
00:26:14.000 I should say we had nothing to do with it, but when I was there, the comics were complaining so much that they got them kicked out.
00:26:19.000 Actually, I had nothing to do with it, but I remember being like, oh, this is cool.
00:26:24.000 They kicked the writers out because they had these writers that would come And they would hang out in the back of the Comedy Store, and then those sketches would appear on television.
00:26:33.000 They would take people's premises and turn them into sketches.
00:26:36.000 It was a real problem.
00:26:37.000 This is in the 90s, like the early 90s.
00:26:39.000 And so it has happened.
00:26:42.000 And my friend Kevin, a showcase for all these writers, and he did this bit about muffins.
00:26:48.000 He used to have this closing bit that he used to do about muffins, that if someone wants a piece of your muffin, you don't give them the muffin top.
00:26:55.000 You can have all the muffins.
00:26:56.000 He had a bit that he did.
00:26:59.000 He had a showcase for NBC. He had a development deal with NBC. Stump you want, but you can't be fucking with them.
00:27:03.000 You know, it was a funny bit.
00:27:05.000 And with Kevin, like, he's a funny guy.
00:27:07.000 You know, and Kevin is, I mean, first of all, his bit was way before the Seinfeld episode.
00:27:12.000 But, I mean, he's not a thief at all.
00:27:14.000 So then that bit came out, like, in the exact form on an episode of Seinfeld.
00:27:18.000 And this is NBC writers who went to see him live.
00:27:21.000 That shit happens all the time.
00:27:23.000 Those guys have to produce, and some of them aren't that good.
00:27:26.000 I've had some development deals with writers, or some development deals, and then you meet with writers, and you read some of the stuff they write, and these guys had...
00:27:34.000 This was in the 90s, right?
00:27:35.000 So this is like the sitcom boom, Friends and shit.
00:27:38.000 This is when I was on news radio.
00:27:40.000 These guys had big deals where they were getting a lot of money and they were fucking garbage.
00:27:46.000 Terrible writers.
00:27:47.000 Terrible.
00:27:48.000 And they get desperado, man.
00:27:51.000 And they need premises and they'll go to comedy clubs and they'll fucking steal.
00:27:54.000 And it was a huge problem.
00:27:55.000 It's been a huge problem for a long time.
00:27:59.000 So you take away those sketches, and you go, well, you know, I don't necessarily think you can make her responsible for those sketches, because there's no way.
00:28:05.000 Like, if you were going to do your show, and you had a premise that somebody pitched you, what are you going to do?
00:28:09.000 You're going to go online and say, hey, has anybody heard this premise before?
00:28:12.000 You're not going to do that.
00:28:13.000 You have to ask around your friends, and your friends might not know.
00:28:17.000 You could ask me, and I've been doing stand-up for 26 fucking years.
00:28:20.000 I might not know.
00:28:21.000 Right.
00:28:21.000 You know, you might ask 10 people, and those 10 people don't know, but then that bit gets on television.
00:28:26.000 Someone goes, Jesus Christ, I saw that on Mad TV. That was another one.
00:28:30.000 There was a Mad TV one.
00:28:31.000 There was a Mad TV one.
00:28:33.000 It was the exact same premise.
00:28:35.000 It was about a woman.
00:28:38.000 It was about Amy talking to a woman at a counter of a store, and someone had helped her.
00:28:45.000 You know, the person who helps her gets commission, and she couldn't say it was a black guy.
00:28:48.000 So she was trying a way to say it without saying it's a black guy.
00:28:51.000 She's like, um, he had dark eyes.
00:28:55.000 Yeah.
00:28:56.000 You know, and like, it's but the same exact premise as Mad TV. Right.
00:29:01.000 Did she know about the Mad TV? Who the fuck watched Mad TV? I never watched it.
00:29:05.000 Did you ever watch it?
00:29:06.000 I watched some of it, but not...
00:29:08.000 Maybe twice, right?
00:29:09.000 Yeah.
00:29:09.000 Yeah, I mean, they were on for a hundred years.
00:29:12.000 Mad TV was on forever.
00:29:13.000 Like, how could you know all the sketches?
00:29:16.000 I didn't realize how racist it was when I was watching it, but the Nail Lady sketch...
00:29:23.000 That's a good sketch.
00:29:24.000 That made that girl.
00:29:26.000 No, not the Bonquiqui.
00:29:29.000 Oh no?
00:29:30.000 There's another one?
00:29:30.000 I'm talking about the one, the lady that ran the nail shop.
00:29:35.000 Angela Johnson.
00:29:36.000 No, no, no.
00:29:37.000 I think this is even before Angela Johnson was on the show.
00:29:43.000 This was like early in MADtv.
00:29:45.000 It was one of their signature sketches, too.
00:29:49.000 Really?
00:29:50.000 Yes.
00:29:51.000 I forget what her catchphrase was.
00:29:53.000 Man, I'm getting old, man.
00:29:54.000 I don't remember shit anymore.
00:29:56.000 Do you smoke weed?
00:29:59.000 Yes.
00:29:59.000 Occasionally.
00:30:00.000 That's probably the problem.
00:30:00.000 Occasionally.
00:30:01.000 But no, no, Nat, I definitely don't smoke as much as you.
00:30:05.000 Get you some alpha brain, sir.
00:30:07.000 Some alpha brain?
00:30:07.000 I'll get you some.
00:30:08.000 I'm gonna hook you up.
00:30:09.000 We're out of here.
00:30:10.000 I'll give you a...
00:30:11.000 I got lick.
00:30:12.000 I got instant.
00:30:13.000 Okay.
00:30:14.000 I keep this shit handy.
00:30:16.000 This is...
00:30:16.000 Without this, I'm retarded.
00:30:19.000 I smoke, but it has to be the last thing that I do.
00:30:23.000 Oh, really?
00:30:24.000 I can't be out and about.
00:30:25.000 I can't smoke and do an interview.
00:30:29.000 Really?
00:30:29.000 Yeah.
00:30:30.000 That's my favorite way to do interviews.
00:30:31.000 Yeah, I can't.
00:30:33.000 I did this thing.
00:30:35.000 Snoop Dogg has this turfed up football show.
00:30:38.000 Oh, a Super Bowl show?
00:30:39.000 Yeah.
00:30:40.000 I did it Monday.
00:30:42.000 And this dude...
00:30:46.000 He shot one episode.
00:30:47.000 As I got there, I'm supposed to be on the second episode.
00:30:50.000 His producer, they're trying to wrangle him so we can start shooting my segment.
00:30:56.000 He just leaves for 45 minutes.
00:31:01.000 So I go on the trailer.
00:31:03.000 He has a legitimate half-pound bag of weed.
00:31:12.000 And so he's smoking it.
00:31:14.000 I'm like, I can't smoke with y'all, man.
00:31:17.000 It'll be a totally different interview.
00:31:19.000 Let me get out of there before I catch a contact.
00:31:21.000 But then he just, you know, did a whole show and a panel show.
00:31:26.000 High as fuck.
00:31:27.000 High as fuck.
00:31:28.000 Yeah, but you expect that, though.
00:31:31.000 Obviously you expect it, but it's still amazing when you see it.
00:31:35.000 I mean, obviously I know, but he's just like, yeah, he's just, you know, talking shit, cracking jokes, funny.
00:31:41.000 Like, he's like, he is Snoop.
00:31:44.000 Like, when you're around him, like, yeah, that dude's a motherfucking star.
00:31:47.000 Like, he operates like a star.
00:31:49.000 You know what I mean?
00:31:50.000 Yeah.
00:31:51.000 Snoop's a bad motherfucker.
00:31:53.000 And he works his ass off.
00:31:55.000 Oh, I'm sure.
00:31:55.000 So many shows and shit.
00:31:57.000 Yeah, he's always got something going on, man.
00:32:00.000 Touring still, DJ gigs, three different web series and shit.
00:32:05.000 So what is he doing?
00:32:06.000 Things on YouTube or something like that?
00:32:08.000 I think this is going to be on YouTube.
00:32:10.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:32:11.000 So anyway, back to the Amy Schumer thing.
00:32:14.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.
00:32:16.000 It's not good.
00:32:17.000 It's not good, but it's also this...
00:32:19.000 There's like...
00:32:20.000 This momentum that's a part of it now.
00:32:23.000 It's like a feeding frenzy.
00:32:25.000 Ari Shafir had something like that.
00:32:28.000 Remember when those people were mad at him because he did a bit in one of his specials about a girl with one arm and everybody was mad at him?
00:32:34.000 He shouldn't have said her name.
00:32:36.000 Also, Comedy Central should not let him say her name.
00:32:41.000 Why the fuck did they do that?
00:32:41.000 I don't know how that slipped through the cracks because on one of my specials, I... Did a joke about my ex-girlfriend.
00:32:50.000 Ladies and gentlemen, I talked about having to introduce my ex-girlfriend at an open mic after, because she was a poet.
00:32:58.000 I hadn't seen her.
00:32:59.000 She just kind of ghosted me and didn't stop calling me.
00:33:03.000 So the joke was, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the cold-hearted bitch who broke my heart.
00:33:08.000 You may know her from that.
00:33:09.000 Returning my phone calls, also giving out mediocre blowjobs.
00:33:12.000 Please welcome to the stage.
00:33:14.000 Blank, blank.
00:33:14.000 But it was a couple times I would say her name on stage and they were like, you have to change the name.
00:33:21.000 And I was like, I changed it to something that's close to the name, but they were adamant about I had to change it.
00:33:28.000 Yeah, I don't know what happened.
00:33:29.000 I think they didn't.
00:33:30.000 See, the problem is he didn't make that special for them.
00:33:33.000 He made that special on his own and sold it to Comedy Central.
00:33:36.000 So I think Comedy Central just bought it and they didn't have to do any work.
00:33:39.000 So they just bought it and then aired it.
00:33:41.000 And then someone just didn't do their job.
00:33:44.000 He did.
00:33:45.000 I mean, that was a rough joke.
00:33:47.000 It was fucked up.
00:33:47.000 Like, she stinks.
00:33:48.000 Yeah.
00:33:49.000 It was that fat person smell.
00:33:52.000 It was just when you put a name to a mostly unknown person.
00:33:59.000 Yeah.
00:33:59.000 I was like, God damn her.
00:34:03.000 And her name is...
00:34:04.000 I was like, shit, he's naming names.
00:34:07.000 They named their full name.
00:34:09.000 Yeah, it was rough.
00:34:10.000 While you live, you learn.
00:34:12.000 We all make mistakes.
00:34:15.000 But what he was saying was that there was a fire and you just gotta stay away.
00:34:19.000 Just let it burn out.
00:34:20.000 Let that fire burn out.
00:34:22.000 And I think there's a fire right now after her.
00:34:26.000 And a lot of it is...
00:34:27.000 Look, you gotta be honest about what's happening in her life.
00:34:31.000 She's a movie star now, all of a sudden.
00:34:33.000 She's had...
00:34:35.000 One of the biggest years that a comedian has ever had.
00:34:40.000 So she went from a year and a half ago to someone who would do well.
00:34:45.000 She'd probably sell out a weekend in Phoenix or some shit.
00:34:48.000 You know what I mean?
00:34:49.000 She did well, right?
00:34:51.000 She was a year and a half ago from theaters, I think.
00:34:53.000 She was doing theaters?
00:34:54.000 Yeah.
00:34:54.000 So let's say she's doing like a...
00:34:57.000 1500-seater or something like that.
00:34:59.000 Now she's doing 20,000 seats.
00:35:01.000 She's doing arenas, man.
00:35:03.000 She's doing arena tours.
00:35:04.000 So there's got to be some of it is the tall poppy syndrome, right?
00:35:10.000 People want to knock her down because she's taken off so high.
00:35:14.000 Objectively.
00:35:15.000 Stay away from that.
00:35:15.000 Look at the whole thing objectively.
00:35:17.000 There's an originality problem.
00:35:19.000 100%.
00:35:20.000 There's definitely an originality problem.
00:35:22.000 The problem is whose problem is that?
00:35:25.000 Here's something that someone said.
00:35:27.000 Someone said, she's put out 15 hours of sketches in one year.
00:35:31.000 Of course there's going to be some originality problems.
00:35:35.000 What about that show, Key and Peely?
00:35:38.000 Is that how you say it?
00:35:39.000 Peel?
00:35:39.000 Key and Peel?
00:35:40.000 Are you trying to sound like an old man on purpose?
00:35:43.000 I don't know the name.
00:35:43.000 I watch it.
00:35:44.000 I watch it.
00:35:45.000 I don't even know how to say it.
00:35:46.000 Key and Peely?
00:35:47.000 What's that kid's name?
00:35:48.000 Key and Peely.
00:35:50.000 What's his name?
00:35:50.000 Peely.
00:35:51.000 The soccer player is doing sketch comedy now.
00:35:54.000 Peel, right?
00:35:55.000 Peel?
00:35:55.000 Okay.
00:35:56.000 Key and Peely.
00:35:56.000 Those guys are fucking hilarious.
00:35:58.000 Yeah.
00:35:58.000 And really original.
00:36:00.000 Really original.
00:36:01.000 They do some crazy shit.
00:36:02.000 You ever seen that bit they do about slap ass, about the guy who slaps asses in the locker room and he's got an addiction to slapping ass?
00:36:07.000 I haven't seen that one.
00:36:08.000 It's fucking funny, man.
00:36:10.000 And it's some shit that I've never seen before.
00:36:13.000 Whenever I see one of their sketches, it's always so out there and weird and funny.
00:36:17.000 They take them into a very dark direction a lot of times, too, yeah.
00:36:21.000 Yeah, but original as fuck.
00:36:23.000 It's all original.
00:36:25.000 So, like, that show's been on for years.
00:36:26.000 And no one's coming at them for not...
00:36:31.000 So, it can't...
00:36:32.000 It's not just the tall poppy syndrome.
00:36:34.000 There's definitely an issue.
00:36:36.000 And it sucks, man.
00:36:37.000 It sucks to watch all the blood in the water, you know?
00:36:40.000 It sucks to see, like, her big moment, all this great shit happened to her, and all of a sudden now it's all this chaos.
00:36:50.000 I mean, I think it's just more...
00:36:52.000 It's one of those things where it seems like it's crazy, but it's not as crazy.
00:37:01.000 Because we're just the same way...
00:37:03.000 We're deep in it?
00:37:04.000 We're deep in it, and it's our world.
00:37:05.000 You know what I mean?
00:37:07.000 Maybe.
00:37:07.000 Like, my mom isn't like, hey, did you...
00:37:11.000 That's when it's big and it's deep.
00:37:14.000 Yeah, but your mom hasn't found out yet.
00:37:16.000 Shit's only been around for a week.
00:37:17.000 I mean, this has only been going on for a week.
00:37:20.000 This is a pretty fresh thing.
00:37:22.000 I mean, think about Mencia.
00:37:23.000 Like, when Mencia, like, that Cosby video came out, that fucking dude was still doing giant theaters.
00:37:29.000 He was doing like 10,000 seat places.
00:37:31.000 Within a year, all that shit was over.
00:37:34.000 Like, people don't like when they find out a comedian's a plagiarist.
00:37:39.000 They don't like it.
00:37:40.000 They get angry.
00:37:41.000 And I think someone wrote an article about this recently.
00:37:44.000 You tweeted it.
00:37:46.000 And who was the guy that wrote the article?
00:37:49.000 Okay, but the guy had a real good point, and he said if someone does something in a movie, and it turns out that that scene had been in another movie, like, oh, you stole that from Blazing Saddles or some shit, that doesn't offend people, because they know that you're just reading some lines from a movie.
00:38:02.000 But if someone goes to see Hannibal, they know that your shit is your thoughts.
00:38:08.000 Like, they want to see, what does Hannibal think about this?
00:38:12.000 When I go see Hannibal Buress, what are his thoughts on blank?
00:38:17.000 How does he feel about this?
00:38:20.000 I expect that you're an interesting, intelligent guy and you're going to have your own point of view.
00:38:27.000 Bill Burr is a perfect example.
00:38:30.000 You can count on Bill Burr kind of humor from Bill Burr.
00:38:34.000 That bit he did about Arnold Schwarzenegger, a great man!
00:38:38.000 Like, you ever see that bit?
00:38:39.000 What was it?
00:38:40.000 The bit about this fucking gold-digging.
00:38:42.000 We got an epidemic of gold-digging whores!
00:38:44.000 They took down a great man!
00:38:45.000 He's a great man!
00:38:47.000 It's such a Bill Burr bit.
00:38:49.000 I fucking love that bit.
00:38:51.000 But my point is, you're not gonna get anybody to write that for you.
00:38:54.000 He's not gonna steal that from somebody.
00:38:56.000 It's so obvious when you see the bit that it's his sense of humor.
00:39:01.000 And when you're not doing that, when you're doing just a bunch of like patchwork bullshit that some other people wrote for you or some clunky premises that you may or may not have lifted from somebody else and reworded, it offends people.
00:39:15.000 Yeah.
00:39:16.000 Because you're a faker, right?
00:39:17.000 So that's what happened with Mencia.
00:39:19.000 People were offended.
00:39:21.000 They found out it's fake.
00:39:23.000 You're not doing what you're saying you're doing.
00:39:26.000 You're saying, here's the world through my eyes.
00:39:29.000 But it's not really the world through your eyes.
00:39:31.000 You're just trying to push buttons and fucking bang on things.
00:39:36.000 You're trying to make things happen.
00:39:38.000 You're trying to use bits that work.
00:39:40.000 You're not necessarily showing people the way you think about stuff.
00:39:45.000 And I think that's what's unique about stand-up as opposed to anything else.
00:39:49.000 Like, if you found out that...
00:39:51.000 Jay-Z had writers.
00:39:52.000 Would it offend you?
00:39:53.000 It wouldn't offend me.
00:39:54.000 It wouldn't bother me at all if I found out that, you know, the Rolling Stones hired some guy to write their new album.
00:40:01.000 I'm not offended.
00:40:03.000 But if I find out that Louis C.K.'s new special Was written entirely by a team of writers and you know and he you know just sort of like Rehashed all the shit that they wrote down then I don't feel the same way when I like when I watch Louie I know that I'm gonna see Louie CK's thoughts on stuff every time you see him You know that that's Louie thinking about shit and it's so obvious when you hear it on stage It's like it's coming from his voice.
00:40:31.000 So that's the difference I think yeah with stand-up Definitely.
00:40:38.000 There it is.
00:40:39.000 What's the guy's name here?
00:40:41.000 Wow.
00:40:41.000 Malcolips the Younger.
00:40:42.000 Okay, that's not even a real person.
00:40:44.000 How dare you, person, whoever you are.
00:40:46.000 Why joke thieves are bad by someone who doesn't believe in intellectual property.
00:40:50.000 Yeah, well, I believe in intellectual property and I definitely joke thieves.
00:40:55.000 Have you ever been swiped?
00:40:56.000 Has anybody swiped from you?
00:40:57.000 I've heard about it.
00:40:59.000 I hear about somebody trying something at open mic or there's been Lines where I'm like, maybe they took that idea of certain things or commercials and shit like that.
00:41:12.000 But I haven't really...
00:41:13.000 I take kind of...
00:41:18.000 Patrice O'Neal had a philosophy about that.
00:41:21.000 If somebody take a joke from me, then that means they needed it way more than I do.
00:41:29.000 And I'm just going to write more jokes because you can take one, I'll write 20 more.
00:41:35.000 You know what I mean?
00:41:36.000 So I've seen, I've heard about comics trying my shit or doing different things, but I don't really...
00:41:44.000 Engage it because it's like if you if you try my shit, I'm probably gone.
00:41:49.000 It's you know, good luck with it, man.
00:41:51.000 The problem with that theory.
00:41:52.000 I know.
00:41:53.000 What if someone does it and they become like Mencia?
00:41:56.000 They become huge when they do that shit on television and then you're like what if it's like a bit You have a very unusual bit about fucking Skittles.
00:42:04.000 It's like a signature bit, and it's hilarious.
00:42:07.000 Pick a subject.
00:42:08.000 But it's something that's real and near and dear to your heart, and maybe you worked on it for a long time.
00:42:14.000 There's bits that you work on that don't fucking work right away, and you try to figure out how to make them work, and then someone comes along and just swipes it.
00:42:23.000 You're not going to just...
00:42:24.000 Except that.
00:42:25.000 Well, I guess that theory, my theory applies to when people are less famous than me.
00:42:31.000 They suck.
00:42:31.000 Yes.
00:42:31.000 When they suck.
00:42:32.000 Yeah.
00:42:32.000 Yeah.
00:42:33.000 Of course.
00:42:35.000 Yeah.
00:42:35.000 Yeah, you just assume.
00:42:36.000 They're never gonna make it.
00:42:39.000 But, I don't know, man.
00:42:40.000 It's definitely dicey.
00:42:41.000 I mean, Amy's a close friend, so it is dicey.
00:42:45.000 Exactly.
00:42:45.000 It's just a weird thing.
00:42:47.000 That's exactly why it's weird.
00:42:48.000 Yeah.
00:42:49.000 Because I like her a lot.
00:42:50.000 I think she's hilarious.
00:42:51.000 She's very funny and sharp in interviews and on the radio.
00:42:55.000 You know doing podcasts.
00:42:56.000 She's fucking funny.
00:42:58.000 She's sharp.
00:42:58.000 She's smart.
00:42:59.000 She's ambitious as fuck, but this is a it's very unfortunate.
00:43:04.000 It's very unfortunate You know, there's also a problem with apparently she burned through a shitload of material doing that show Like doing their show like a lot of her stand-up premises she did in the show this show is very important and then right afterwards she's got to do the HBO special and You know,
00:43:20.000 in the HBO special, there's only the one bit.
00:43:23.000 There's only the Wendy Liebman joke, right?
00:43:24.000 Well, there's another Marc Maron one, too.
00:43:26.000 But the Marc Maron one that people are saying is like, boy, that's a pretty obvious premise.
00:43:32.000 But, you know, I don't know, man.
00:43:34.000 Who the fuck knows?
00:43:35.000 You know, who knows?
00:43:37.000 It's not good.
00:43:38.000 Is that?
00:43:40.000 That's it.
00:43:41.000 We'll leave it there.
00:43:42.000 We'll leave it there.
00:43:42.000 It's not good.
00:43:44.000 She'll rebound because she's talented.
00:43:46.000 You know, I really think she is.
00:43:48.000 But if she was anybody else, though, how about this?
00:43:51.000 This is true.
00:43:52.000 If I didn't care about her, if I wasn't friends with her, if she was anybody else, people would want her head.
00:43:56.000 Yeah.
00:43:57.000 If she was some asshole, you know, like if it was Mencia, like if this came out that Mencia had a new show and all this shit was on, people would want his head.
00:44:08.000 There would be blood in the water.
00:44:10.000 Yeah.
00:44:10.000 But she's a strong woman, she's a feminist, you know, this whole deal.
00:44:15.000 And people like her.
00:44:17.000 Like, comics like her.
00:44:19.000 There's definitely a more kid gloves approach from the comedy community.
00:44:24.000 Except for the girls that she stole from, or allegedly stole from, or they believe she stole from.
00:44:30.000 They went after her and then they pulled back.
00:44:33.000 Like Wendy Liebman and Kathleen Madigan.
00:44:36.000 They went after her and then they pulled back.
00:44:39.000 It's unfortunate.
00:44:41.000 Definitely.
00:44:42.000 Look at you.
00:44:42.000 You backed out of the whole conversation.
00:44:45.000 I didn't back out though.
00:44:47.000 He even pulled your chair back.
00:44:49.000 He even slid his chair back.
00:44:51.000 He's like, yeah.
00:44:53.000 She'll be fine.
00:44:54.000 She'll be fine.
00:44:55.000 But, you know, that's why it's important to have original material like Pele and Kiki.
00:45:03.000 What is his name?
00:45:05.000 Keenan.
00:45:07.000 Keenan and Pell?
00:45:08.000 Writers, man.
00:45:09.000 Writers are a fucking problem.
00:45:11.000 If you don't know those dudes, if you hire a bunch of writers, you just don't know.
00:45:15.000 You don't know what their ethical process is.
00:45:17.000 You don't know how their creative process works.
00:45:21.000 You don't know, man.
00:45:22.000 And those guys have to produce.
00:45:24.000 They have to produce.
00:45:25.000 I knew a girl who was a writer on a crime show or something like that.
00:45:34.000 And she apparently had plagiarized some shit.
00:45:36.000 She got busted.
00:45:37.000 You know, she just cut and pasted or came up with some some shit that somebody else had already done and that was it for her.
00:45:47.000 Later, later in the season at my show.
00:45:51.000 So we would, you know, we'll send out, I'll send out requests for jokes about a certain thing.
00:45:57.000 And it was some writers, you know, each subject, they'll fucking crank it out, crank out 10 or whatever, a bunch of jokes.
00:46:05.000 And it was one writer close to that.
00:46:09.000 He just started, he was just sending in like one week-ass joke per time.
00:46:17.000 And I wanted to be like, yo, are you...
00:46:19.000 I never said anything about it because the season was winding down, but a part of me wanted to say, are you depressed or some shit?
00:46:27.000 You're only gonna give me one joke.
00:46:29.000 I wonder if I'm a bad boss because I didn't say step it up.
00:46:33.000 Yeah.
00:46:33.000 I knew him before...
00:46:36.000 Is he a comic?
00:46:37.000 Yeah.
00:46:37.000 That's a problem.
00:46:38.000 But he wrote a lot too.
00:46:40.000 He was sitting in one joke.
00:46:41.000 I'm like, one joke, man?
00:46:44.000 The problem with comics is, if I'm working on your show and I come up with a fucking bang-ass premise, I'm gonna tuck that shit away and I'm gonna give you some half-assed shit.
00:46:56.000 Because if it's going to be in your act, you're like, holy shit, this could be my new closer.
00:47:00.000 This could make me.
00:47:01.000 This could be it.
00:47:02.000 I can't give this to Hannibal.
00:47:04.000 That happens, right?
00:47:05.000 With comics?
00:47:06.000 I mean, I could see it.
00:47:08.000 I could see it happening.
00:47:10.000 Fuck yeah.
00:47:11.000 That's definitely what happens with comics.
00:47:13.000 If you're a writer, just a writer, that's a different thing.
00:47:17.000 Then you want to be known for your writing.
00:47:18.000 But if you're a writer and a comic, talk that bitch away.
00:47:25.000 Tuck it away.
00:47:27.000 It's just interesting, man.
00:47:28.000 This whole thing is an interesting time because the accountability is so high now.
00:47:35.000 I think that's good.
00:47:36.000 I really do.
00:47:38.000 Because I think excuse Amy and say it wasn't her fault and it's all writers and everything like that.
00:47:46.000 Obviously, there was an originality problem.
00:47:49.000 Obviously.
00:47:50.000 There's no getting around that.
00:47:51.000 I think that's a good thing, man.
00:47:53.000 It forces people to...
00:47:55.000 To be as original as possible.
00:47:58.000 And even then, you're going to have some mistakes or some parallel thinking.
00:48:03.000 Parallel thinking is so common.
00:48:04.000 Like a Viagra thing, right?
00:48:07.000 Like, if you have an erection for more than five hours, seek medical help.
00:48:10.000 That joke writes itself.
00:48:12.000 That's over.
00:48:12.000 That's...
00:48:14.000 There's a lot of things.
00:48:15.000 I got two kids.
00:48:16.000 I got a boy and a girl.
00:48:17.000 The boy is an idiot.
00:48:19.000 The girl is so sweet and smart.
00:48:21.000 The boy is doing this dumb shit.
00:48:23.000 The girl is over there doing this.
00:48:27.000 My wife is pregnant.
00:48:28.000 I joke about wanting to have a kid just so I can get 20 to 30 minutes of kid material.
00:48:35.000 With that, I get the trying to get my girl pregnant material.
00:48:42.000 Then the wife is pregnant material.
00:48:44.000 What's going on?
00:48:45.000 She's pregnant.
00:48:46.000 She's all this shit.
00:48:47.000 Then I got the delivery of the baby material.
00:48:52.000 Like, oh shit, fellas!
00:48:54.000 Let me tell you, if you in there, do not look at the pussy.
00:48:58.000 The pussy is gonna be ruined.
00:49:00.000 That joke.
00:49:01.000 And then you got the having a newborn baby.
00:49:04.000 It doesn't do anything.
00:49:05.000 It's just there.
00:49:06.000 And then you got all of the toddlers.
00:49:10.000 There's plenty of material in that.
00:49:11.000 Yeah, but the jokes have been done.
00:49:13.000 They've been done to death.
00:49:15.000 There's no way around that.
00:49:16.000 There's no way around those.
00:49:19.000 Do you remember in the early 2000s, while Bush was still in office, there was a Chinese fighter jet collided with an American fighter jet, and the Chinese fighter jet's pilot, the pilot's name was Wong Wei.
00:49:35.000 No.
00:49:36.000 Yes.
00:49:36.000 Really?
00:49:37.000 His name was Wong Wei.
00:49:39.000 Wong Wei, W-E-I? W-O-N-G-W-E-I. Really?
00:49:46.000 Yep.
00:49:46.000 Oh, man.
00:49:47.000 That joke.
00:49:48.000 At the Comedy Store that night, Ari Shafir tells about it because he worked the door.
00:49:54.000 And the Comedy Store starts at 9 and goes till 2. He said, guys who would go on at 11 didn't know that someone had already did it at...
00:50:03.000 9, 9.30, 10, 10.15.
00:50:06.000 You know, like, guys would show up five minutes before they set.
00:50:09.000 They have no idea.
00:50:10.000 They'd say it.
00:50:10.000 And the audience is like, are we getting punked?
00:50:12.000 It's the same fucking joke over and over and over again.
00:50:15.000 I would love a DVD of that night.
00:50:16.000 I was just picturing guys that haven't written in a while either.
00:50:22.000 And I was like, oh shit, this Wong Wei shit is about to kill it.
00:50:26.000 I'm feeling so creatively inspired.
00:50:29.000 Wong Wei.
00:50:30.000 Guys who haven't written in a while, like, oh, I got this one.
00:50:34.000 This is it.
00:50:34.000 This is it.
00:50:35.000 This one wrote itself.
00:50:36.000 Sometimes I'll search a joke before I tweet something that's about something topical.
00:50:42.000 I'll search that on Twitter.
00:50:47.000 To see if somebody else said it already.
00:50:49.000 That's a good move.
00:50:50.000 That's smart.
00:50:50.000 And it's some stuff that's easy first thought that anybody can come up with where I was like, oh, yeah, I'm not that creative.
00:50:59.000 I didn't have a hot take on this Cavaliers game.
00:51:02.000 But it's weird because if it's your thought, like, shouldn't you just express yourself?
00:51:07.000 Do you have to go looking to make sure someone didn't express a similar idea first?
00:51:12.000 You know?
00:51:13.000 You don't have to, but it's just, I'd rather do that than tweet the exact same thing as somebody with 30 followers just tweeted.
00:51:22.000 Yeah.
00:51:23.000 You know what I mean?
00:51:24.000 Yeah.
00:51:24.000 Yeah.
00:51:25.000 Yeah, it's tricky, right?
00:51:27.000 And memes, man.
00:51:29.000 That was another one that Wendy Liebman got pissed at.
00:51:31.000 Someone had taken one of her bits and turned it into a meme.
00:51:34.000 But without her face, so credit?
00:51:36.000 Yeah, they used a cartoon image.
00:51:39.000 Instead of her...
00:51:43.000 And she was pissed.
00:51:44.000 Yeah, if it was her face, I mean, they've done it a bunch of times to me, I'm sure to you too, with your actual face and a bit that you said, I have zero problem with that.
00:51:52.000 I like it.
00:51:53.000 It's good.
00:51:53.000 It means they like you.
00:51:54.000 It means they think you're funny and they took the time to say something that you said that they enjoyed and they put it in a picture.
00:52:01.000 I'm kind of upset that I never made blam blam weed and ham t-shirts.
00:52:05.000 You should.
00:52:06.000 It's not too late.
00:52:07.000 It's not too late.
00:52:08.000 Especially if I take you pig hunting.
00:52:10.000 If I take you pig hunting, then we can go out there with them.
00:52:13.000 Yeah.
00:52:13.000 But people had that meme, like, immediately.
00:52:15.000 Like, while we were doing the podcast.
00:52:16.000 Yeah.
00:52:17.000 Blam, blam, we eatin' ham.
00:52:18.000 Blam, blam, eatin' ham.
00:52:20.000 Like, that was one of the big complaints about that fat Jewish guy, was that he would take stand-up bits, and they would put them in memes.
00:52:27.000 They would steal someone's stand-up jokes and turn into a meme.
00:52:30.000 Yeah.
00:52:31.000 That was, uh, you know...
00:52:33.000 And it became this thing, well, is he stealing jokes?
00:52:35.000 Because he's just putting up memes on Instagram.
00:52:39.000 Like, what is that?
00:52:40.000 But yeah, it is stealing jokes.
00:52:42.000 Because he wasn't crediting people.
00:52:43.000 And he was also taking people's memes from their site and just reposting it without crediting them.
00:52:49.000 And then getting all of the new followers and likes.
00:52:51.000 Exactly.
00:52:52.000 Somebody...
00:52:53.000 I went out with this girl in New York who works with his management or something.
00:52:59.000 Mm-hmm.
00:53:00.000 And...
00:53:02.000 I don't know how true this is or if this is just a one-off instance, but she said that he got booked to do somebody's prom or sweet 16. And she said he got $150,000.
00:53:23.000 And I was like, what?
00:53:24.000 Maybe it was a bar mitzvah.
00:53:26.000 It might have been.
00:53:27.000 I was like, what?
00:53:29.000 Well, if you're some fucking hedge fund guy and you got a son who's really into the internet, that's what he wants.
00:53:35.000 Dad, I want you to get me the fat Jewish.
00:53:38.000 All right, son.
00:53:39.000 If that's what you want, that's what you'll get.
00:53:41.000 Because Beyonce will do gigs like that.
00:53:43.000 She'll go to Bahrain, dance for some Prince, make a couple million bucks, head home on a private jet.
00:53:50.000 They do shit like that.
00:53:52.000 They'll do people's parties.
00:53:53.000 I know a dude, and at his party, he's some insanely wealthy guy.
00:53:58.000 He had Sting, Sting performed, and someone else liked that.
00:54:03.000 Like, some other big name dude.
00:54:05.000 And my friend went to this party, and I was like, what the fuck was that like?
00:54:09.000 They go, dude, we're watching Sting perform for 50 people at this guy's house.
00:54:14.000 Like, that's fucking crazy.
00:54:15.000 It's very crazy.
00:54:17.000 At Dana White's birthday party, Stone Temple Pilots played.
00:54:22.000 Stone motherfucking Temple Pilots in a small ballroom in Vegas at a hotel.
00:54:28.000 And they...
00:54:28.000 I'll tell you what, man.
00:54:29.000 That dude, he's dead now.
00:54:31.000 He just died of a heroin overdose, I guess.
00:54:34.000 Or just fucking his body up until it quit.
00:54:37.000 But that motherfucker could perform.
00:54:41.000 Yeah.
00:54:43.000 Nobody was paying attention.
00:54:45.000 Here's part of the problem, yeah.
00:54:47.000 We had to get everybody up.
00:54:48.000 People felt bad, so they're getting people up out of their seats and getting them towards the stage.
00:54:53.000 Like, watch this huge band.
00:54:54.000 They probably had to pay.
00:54:56.000 Who the fuck knows how much they had to pay them.
00:54:58.000 It must have been an ungodly sum of money.
00:55:01.000 But that fucking dude rocked out like there was 100,000 people in that audience.
00:55:06.000 He went full on.
00:55:09.000 I mean, full on.
00:55:10.000 It was really impressive.
00:55:11.000 It made me want to be better at stand-up.
00:55:14.000 It made me want to work at my stand-up.
00:55:16.000 I think it's easier to do that when you're doing music, because you got the music.
00:55:20.000 Yeah.
00:55:21.000 You don't need momentum.
00:55:22.000 It helps.
00:55:24.000 Right.
00:55:24.000 But it's easy to have the wind taken out of your sails when you perform for an inattentive crowd.
00:55:32.000 It's tough to just really...
00:55:35.000 Get into it.
00:55:35.000 I guess you can, but it takes a different...
00:55:38.000 For doing stand-up?
00:55:40.000 For doing stand-up, if you're doing it in front of people that are...
00:55:43.000 Half of them are eating, 10 of them are texting, and a few people paying attention and giving polite chuckles.
00:55:50.000 It's tough to be like, okay, I'm going to go all the way, because you're so dependent on the reaction.
00:55:55.000 Well, with music, you've got the band behind you, you can be like, I'm going to just rock this shit out and cast this check and go.
00:56:01.000 That's true.
00:56:02.000 Well, and comedy acts with guitars, too.
00:56:04.000 They could do the same shit.
00:56:05.000 Yeah.
00:56:05.000 But they still need the laughs.
00:56:07.000 The laughs is what builds it into being able to really...
00:56:12.000 Rock that shit.
00:56:14.000 Yeah.
00:56:14.000 And be a pro.
00:56:16.000 But I found sometimes that people, if you, because I've done some gigs that are horrible.
00:56:21.000 I did this gig.
00:56:22.000 It's a nice paying gig in Chicago.
00:56:26.000 It was horrible.
00:56:27.000 It was this wide ballroom.
00:56:29.000 Most people talking.
00:56:30.000 Some people listening.
00:56:32.000 And usually I would call out, like, this shit sucks.
00:56:35.000 Yeah.
00:56:36.000 This is horrible.
00:56:38.000 This is a horrible performance situation.
00:56:40.000 But something in my head just said, you know what?
00:56:42.000 Just do the time.
00:56:43.000 Go a few minutes short.
00:56:47.000 And just don't acknowledge it.
00:56:49.000 And just pile through.
00:56:51.000 Do the time.
00:56:52.000 Good night, everybody.
00:56:53.000 Get the money and go.
00:56:55.000 And if you don't, sometimes you don't acknowledge that you're bombing, people think it went well.
00:57:01.000 Well, they might just be nice to you.
00:57:03.000 Or they might have just been nice.
00:57:04.000 Who knows?
00:57:04.000 Whatever.
00:57:05.000 I hated the meet and greet afterwards.
00:57:08.000 I had to meet and greet with some of the people with the organization or whatever and take a bunch of pictures.
00:57:15.000 After you ate it?
00:57:16.000 Yeah, it wasn't necessarily eating, but it wasn't an ideal gig.
00:57:21.000 It was just a cash grab.
00:57:23.000 A cash grab.
00:57:26.000 Yeah, it was like the meet and greet afterwards.
00:57:29.000 I hate doing a meet and greet after a so-so show because I'd rather be amongst myself and my friends.
00:57:36.000 I don't know any of you.
00:57:38.000 Yeah.
00:57:38.000 And you were in the crowd that I hated as a group.
00:57:41.000 I wanted to talk to you, but I'm glad you brought that up because I remember you and I were at the same casino, that Tuya Lip Casino up in, it's like an hour north of Seattle.
00:57:53.000 Yeah.
00:57:54.000 I know that gig sucked for you because that gig sucked for me and it sucked so bad for Patton Oswalt that he did a fucking bit about it.
00:58:02.000 It's on his last CD. I've never performed for a place where people were more drunk and rowdy and crazy.
00:58:12.000 It is the most...
00:58:13.000 I mean, I had a good time.
00:58:14.000 It was fun, but I did an hour.
00:58:16.000 I might have done 10 minutes of material.
00:58:19.000 And I might be exaggerating.
00:58:21.000 You know, it wasn't that bad.
00:58:23.000 Like, they did seat a bunch of people...
00:58:25.000 I'm trying to remember if this is the right...
00:58:28.000 But I don't remember it being horrible.
00:58:30.000 Disastrous.
00:58:31.000 They did seat a lot of people...
00:58:33.000 Up front that obviously weren't fans of mine.
00:58:36.000 They got casino comps or whatever.
00:58:39.000 They lose a lot of money there.
00:58:40.000 So it was weird having these middle-aged, 50-something, like the first couple rows full of these Asian ladies that obviously...
00:58:50.000 Nothing against Asian ladies, but I don't think they were familiar with my work.
00:58:57.000 And they were in the front row.
00:59:00.000 So I commented on that, but it wasn't that...
00:59:03.000 That bad of a gig.
00:59:04.000 Yeah.
00:59:06.000 But yeah, it was way better than the gig I was talking about.
00:59:10.000 There's another interesting thing about that gig, is that gig was where, this was way before all the Cosby stuff came out, the woman who was the manager came up to us, and we were talking and this and that, and I always ask people.
00:59:24.000 I said, what's the weirdest shit you've had to deal with?
00:59:27.000 Like, what's the most annoying comedian you had to deal with?
00:59:29.000 Like, what's the worst thing you had to deal with?
00:59:31.000 And she goes, Bill Cosby was the weirdest.
00:59:34.000 I go, why?
00:59:35.000 She goes, first of all, he made us sit down.
00:59:38.000 He made the staff, powerful Jamie, with the beer, ready.
00:59:43.000 Thank you.
00:59:44.000 Very powerful.
00:59:44.000 I was about to ask him for another one.
00:59:46.000 Can I get one of those, too?
00:59:47.000 I'm sorry.
00:59:48.000 I feel bad with him drinking by himself.
00:59:51.000 Dope.
00:59:52.000 He made the audience, or not the audience, the staff sit and watch him eat curry.
00:59:58.000 They just sit and watch him eat.
00:59:59.000 He wanted everybody that was working there to sit down and watch him eat.
01:00:03.000 What?
01:00:03.000 Yeah.
01:00:04.000 Yeah, apparently this is his thing.
01:00:05.000 Or was his thing.
01:00:06.000 Thank you, sir.
01:00:07.000 He would make...
01:00:09.000 Cheers, brother.
01:00:10.000 Cheers.
01:00:10.000 Good to have you here, man.
01:00:11.000 Yeah.
01:00:14.000 Ah, nueva cerveza.
01:00:17.000 He would make the staff, like the ticket people, the ushers, security.
01:00:23.000 They came in his dressing room and they watched him eat curry.
01:00:28.000 He sat down and ate and they just watched him.
01:00:30.000 He wants people to be around him while he's eating.
01:00:33.000 Maybe he talks to you, maybe he doesn't.
01:00:35.000 But he wants you to be there while he's eating his curry.
01:00:37.000 Yeah, I've been doing that for five years.
01:00:42.000 Then, at the end of the night, he wanted the security guard to tuck him in.
01:00:47.000 Like, he lays in bed.
01:00:48.000 He wants a security guard to tuck him in.
01:00:52.000 Put the blanket over him.
01:00:53.000 Tuck, tuck, tuck.
01:00:54.000 Tuck, tuck, tuck.
01:00:55.000 Shut the lights out.
01:00:57.000 And leave.
01:00:59.000 No, please no.
01:01:00.000 Yes.
01:01:02.000 Yes.
01:01:03.000 Please no, man.
01:01:05.000 There's some weird shit going on.
01:01:06.000 There was some weird shit going on with that dude.
01:01:09.000 Just the mind.
01:01:10.000 Now you just put me on another headline and shit.
01:01:15.000 Just by me being here.
01:01:18.000 Joe Rogan tells Hannibal weird Bill Cosby story.
01:01:23.000 I've heard the curry thing from someone else, too.
01:01:25.000 I've heard it from someone else.
01:01:27.000 Someone else had a similar story.
01:01:29.000 That he did that.
01:01:30.000 That he makes people that work in these places sit and watch them eat.
01:01:36.000 If you're in a weird shit, man.
01:01:37.000 People are in a weird shit.
01:01:38.000 It's not the weirdest thing.
01:01:39.000 It's not awful.
01:01:41.000 It's just weird.
01:01:42.000 It's just weird, yeah.
01:01:44.000 What's your weird shit on the road?
01:01:45.000 You're very straightforward?
01:01:47.000 Yeah, I'm pretty straightforward.
01:01:48.000 I take pictures with everybody after the show.
01:01:51.000 Yeah?
01:01:52.000 That's the weird thing.
01:01:53.000 I go out and I'll do it for hours.
01:01:56.000 Yeah?
01:01:56.000 Yeah.
01:01:57.000 How do you feel?
01:01:58.000 Do you enjoy it or are you piling through after the tenth one?
01:02:02.000 Or do you just appreciate what it means to people?
01:02:05.000 I appreciate it, and what I do is I reset.
01:02:08.000 So every person, I don't go, man, another one, another one.
01:02:12.000 If you think that way, it'll fuck you up.
01:02:14.000 But what I do is I just reset.
01:02:17.000 This is me meeting this person for the first time, and now this is me meeting this person for the first time.
01:02:23.000 It's not the hardest thing to do for an hour or two.
01:02:26.000 It's not a big deal.
01:02:27.000 That's my weird thing.
01:02:29.000 It's not that weird.
01:02:30.000 It's an appreciation thing.
01:02:31.000 It's appreciation.
01:02:32.000 They pay money.
01:02:33.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:02:34.000 They're excited to see you.
01:02:35.000 But when it's 3,700 people, usually it's not all of them that do the picture thing, but it might be 1,000.
01:02:43.000 Yeah.
01:02:43.000 The one in Chicago is nuts.
01:02:45.000 There's a line up around the top, all the way down the stairs.
01:02:50.000 That took fucking forever.
01:02:52.000 But that builds.
01:02:54.000 People post that online.
01:02:56.000 They're like, Joe Rogan.
01:02:58.000 Some people might not even know.
01:02:59.000 They're like, oh, that seems cool.
01:03:00.000 Let me check out who Joe Rogan is.
01:03:02.000 And then they listen to the podcast or come to a show.
01:03:05.000 The weird part is when some people, even though there's a giant line, they got to talk to you.
01:03:09.000 They got to tell you some fucking story that takes forever.
01:03:11.000 You're like, yo, dude, there's a giant line behind you.
01:03:14.000 I need some advice.
01:03:16.000 Oh, this is the wrong place.
01:03:17.000 It's the wrong place for advice.
01:03:19.000 I don't like when people ask me to do some goofy shit in the picture.
01:03:22.000 Like what?
01:03:23.000 Like can you just do, let's make a weird, let's make weird faces.
01:03:27.000 Can I jump on your back?
01:03:28.000 Nah, man.
01:03:29.000 Let's just look at this camera.
01:03:32.000 Let's get this shit.
01:03:33.000 Can I jump on your back?
01:03:35.000 Hold this.
01:03:36.000 I'm like, nah, man.
01:03:37.000 Let's just do it.
01:03:38.000 I'm happy to take the picture with you, but stop directing me.
01:03:40.000 I'm traveling around the country with this garden gnome.
01:03:42.000 I want you to hold it up.
01:03:44.000 Will you hold it up?
01:03:45.000 Come on, bro.
01:03:46.000 I got everybody.
01:03:46.000 Come on, man.
01:03:47.000 I got Jay Moore last week.
01:03:48.000 He held up the garden gnome.
01:03:50.000 Everybody.
01:03:53.000 Oh, man.
01:03:55.000 Yeah.
01:03:56.000 Well, it only takes one person to weird you out for the rest of the night.
01:03:59.000 Yeah.
01:03:59.000 The fucking dude in his garden, though, man.
01:04:03.000 I get thrown off easily by people sometimes.
01:04:05.000 Not thrown off, but I can just get put in a...
01:04:08.000 A weird spot.
01:04:10.000 Did you get put in a lot of weird spots after the whole Cosby thing happened?
01:04:13.000 Did you get heckled about it at all?
01:04:16.000 No, not really.
01:04:17.000 No.
01:04:18.000 I think one time I was talking about the reaction to it and then some guy was like, that's all you talk about!
01:04:23.000 I was like, I did like 40 minutes before I even brought this up.
01:04:27.000 But besides that...
01:04:29.000 Not really, because the people that want to heckle me about it aren't the people paying 30-35 dollars to see me.
01:04:35.000 You would think.
01:04:36.000 Yeah.
01:04:36.000 But you never know.
01:04:37.000 Who knows?
01:04:38.000 Who knows next tour?
01:04:39.000 Some people just get drunk and they just can't fucking handle themselves.
01:04:43.000 They just don't know what to do.
01:04:45.000 It is an interesting thing where people sometimes think...
01:04:49.000 I did Ice House and I popped into...
01:04:52.000 It was a show in a small room last Saturday.
01:04:56.000 And...
01:04:58.000 I did a set, and it was just the most talkative crowd.
01:05:01.000 I started out, I was like, hey, so I don't know if you've ever been to Japan.
01:05:05.000 And it's like six people.
01:05:06.000 Like, no, no, we haven't.
01:05:07.000 No, no.
01:05:08.000 It's like, no, I wasn't asking you.
01:05:11.000 This is not a dialogue.
01:05:12.000 No, we haven't been to Japan, really.
01:05:14.000 I ended up yelling at them and roasting people for about eight minutes, did two jokes, and then...
01:05:19.000 Got up out of there.
01:05:20.000 You were in the small room?
01:05:21.000 In the small room, yeah.
01:05:22.000 The small room, so intimate.
01:05:23.000 It's only like 80 people.
01:05:24.000 Yeah, and it was packed, and it was just talkative.
01:05:28.000 Yeah, that was probably a bad show.
01:05:31.000 It was...
01:05:31.000 Yeah, it was just...
01:05:33.000 I think they just wanted to be roasted and yelled at, and they were all probably day drunk.
01:05:38.000 Yeah.
01:05:39.000 That'll happen.
01:05:41.000 What are you doing tonight?
01:05:42.000 You got a set?
01:05:42.000 We'll do Meltdown tonight.
01:05:44.000 Oh, yeah?
01:05:44.000 What time's that?
01:05:45.000 8.30.
01:05:46.000 What time you done?
01:05:50.000 Probably 9.30, 10 at the latest.
01:05:52.000 If you want to come down to Ice House, sold out show.
01:05:55.000 Yeah?
01:05:55.000 Yeah, me, Bill Burr, Chris D'Elia, and Tony Hinchcliffe.
01:06:00.000 Shazam!
01:06:02.000 The big room.
01:06:03.000 It'll be a hot crowd.
01:06:04.000 It'll be a hot crowd too.
01:06:05.000 The big room is the shit at the Ice House.
01:06:07.000 That's the greatest room in the country.
01:06:09.000 You think so?
01:06:09.000 It's perfect.
01:06:10.000 Perfect room.
01:06:11.000 Can't be wrong.
01:06:11.000 And it's the oldest.
01:06:13.000 Oldest comedy club in the world.
01:06:14.000 Really?
01:06:15.000 Yep.
01:06:15.000 Since when?
01:06:16.000 It's from 1960. 1960?
01:06:18.000 That's the oldest comedy club in the world?
01:06:19.000 Oldest comedy club on earth.
01:06:22.000 Did Richard Pryor ever perform there?
01:06:24.000 I'm sure he did.
01:06:25.000 He lived in LA. He had to have.
01:06:27.000 Everybody did.
01:06:28.000 George Carlin did.
01:06:29.000 There's so many fucking pictures on the wall.
01:06:33.000 Steve Martin performed there.
01:06:35.000 I mean, fill in the blank.
01:06:38.000 Stephen Wright performed there.
01:06:39.000 There's so many fucking pictures on the wall of people that were there.
01:06:42.000 It's one of the most classic comedy clubs on earth.
01:06:46.000 Maybe the most classic.
01:06:47.000 Next to the...
01:06:48.000 The store has like a greater history because there's more greatness.
01:06:52.000 Yeah.
01:06:52.000 Like if you go to the store on any given night, like the other night, it was...
01:06:57.000 Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle.
01:06:59.000 Dave Chappelle went up and then Chris Rock went up.
01:07:01.000 Bam, bam.
01:07:02.000 Just totally out of nowhere.
01:07:03.000 I mean, that doesn't happen anywhere else.
01:07:06.000 The Cellar, sometimes?
01:07:07.000 Yeah, maybe.
01:07:08.000 Yeah.
01:07:08.000 Those two clubs.
01:07:10.000 Like, where someone will pop in.
01:07:12.000 You know, like, Bill Burr will pop in, Louis will pop in, someone will pop in.
01:07:15.000 And if you're there for a show on a random Tuesday night, you might get to see one of the best comics ever.
01:07:21.000 Yeah.
01:07:21.000 Just randomly.
01:07:22.000 I was there.
01:07:23.000 Well, I did a show with Chappelle and Rock last Thursday.
01:07:28.000 This past Thursday.
01:07:29.000 Rock popped in.
01:07:30.000 He was doing stuff about the Oscars and everything?
01:07:32.000 I was gone by then.
01:07:34.000 I went up earlier.
01:07:35.000 I brought up Joey Diaz.
01:07:37.000 Joey Diaz brought up Chappelle.
01:07:39.000 And Chappelle brought up...
01:07:41.000 No, Joey Diaz brought up someone else.
01:07:43.000 And then that person brought up Chappelle.
01:07:44.000 And when Joey got off stage, I went home.
01:07:47.000 So I missed it.
01:07:49.000 But Dave was there the other night, man.
01:07:51.000 Fucking hilarious.
01:07:52.000 He showed up out of nowhere.
01:07:53.000 I brought him up and he smoked like six packs of cigarettes on stage.
01:07:58.000 I guess you're allowed to smoke on stage.
01:08:03.000 It's a performance loophole.
01:08:05.000 Yeah.
01:08:06.000 It's like a part of your performance.
01:08:08.000 Yeah.
01:08:09.000 Like a theatrical production.
01:08:10.000 Like if you had a cigar on stage and you're playing some cigar smoking guy.
01:08:15.000 Mm-hmm.
01:08:16.000 But fuck, man.
01:08:18.000 No, he's fun to watch.
01:08:19.000 Yeah.
01:08:20.000 There was a show, was it two years ago?
01:08:22.000 Or three, two years ago?
01:08:24.000 It was, I went on, then Kevin Hart went on, and then Chappelle went on and brought Rock on stage.
01:08:37.000 I want to say Marlon Wayans, Bill Bellamy, Questlove, and...
01:08:45.000 Where the fuck was this?
01:08:46.000 It was at the Comedy Cellar.
01:08:47.000 And they were all on stage at once, just passing the mic, cracking jokes.
01:08:51.000 That's hilarious.
01:08:52.000 For about an hour and a half.
01:08:54.000 It was one of the craziest things I ever saw.
01:08:56.000 All on stage at the same time?
01:08:57.000 All on the little Comedy Cellar stage at the same time, just telling old stories and shit.
01:09:03.000 It was amazing.
01:09:04.000 The Cellar, what is that seat?
01:09:07.000 100 and some change.
01:09:08.000 Yeah.
01:09:09.000 110 tops.
01:09:10.000 Those little clubs, man.
01:09:12.000 There's something magic about those little clubs.
01:09:14.000 It's funny because everybody does stand-up specials in a big place.
01:09:20.000 But your best performances, like for me at least, the shows that I have the most fun are like a little place.
01:09:27.000 Well, yeah, just because you can...
01:09:29.000 The clubs are more fun.
01:09:31.000 The people are right there.
01:09:33.000 The energy is different.
01:09:34.000 You can kind of...
01:09:37.000 You could take more liberties as far as working out a bit, you know?
01:09:42.000 You can't really...
01:09:43.000 You can try stuff in a theater, you can't really work out.
01:09:46.000 In a theater.
01:09:47.000 But in a club, you can have some misses and you can lose the crowd, gain them back, that type of thing.
01:09:53.000 So the clubs are more fun, but yeah, the theaters just look better.
01:09:59.000 They look better, but there's some theaters that it works at.
01:10:03.000 Like the Tabernacle in Atlanta, that place is hot.
01:10:06.000 You shot there before?
01:10:07.000 Yeah, I shot there in my 2012 special, and I was just there.
01:10:11.000 I was just there a couple weeks ago.
01:10:12.000 That place is hot.
01:10:14.000 That is a hot...
01:10:15.000 Theater.
01:10:16.000 It's a theater, but the acoustics in it are amazing, and the way it's tiered, the people, even the people in the back row, they're pretty fucking close, even though it's a big place.
01:10:26.000 That's a great spot.
01:10:28.000 There's a bunch of these old theaters in this country that when you perform there, you're like a part of a museum or some shit.
01:10:35.000 You're performing in a place that's 100 years old.
01:10:38.000 Yeah, and they charge you for it, too.
01:10:43.000 They charge you for the history.
01:10:45.000 Yeah, they do.
01:10:47.000 I didn't see it, but did you see Rousey on SNL? No, I didn't see it.
01:10:52.000 You didn't see it?
01:10:53.000 No.
01:10:53.000 What?
01:10:53.000 I didn't see it.
01:10:54.000 You didn't watch it?
01:10:55.000 I didn't watch it.
01:10:55.000 Joe Rogan didn't watch Ronda Rousey?
01:10:57.000 I didn't watch it.
01:10:58.000 You didn't watch one of the top UFC stars?
01:11:02.000 On one of the top...
01:11:03.000 Those are your worlds there.
01:11:04.000 I'll watch it eventually.
01:11:05.000 Comedy and fighting.
01:11:07.000 I'm not into watching things while they happen.
01:11:09.000 Really?
01:11:09.000 Yeah.
01:11:09.000 I like to wait.
01:11:10.000 Yeah?
01:11:11.000 Tell me it's good and I'll watch it.
01:11:12.000 Was it good?
01:11:13.000 I haven't seen it.
01:11:14.000 I wanted to hear...
01:11:15.000 I started out by saying I hadn't seen it.
01:11:17.000 But I just assumed you had and you would go off about it for a few minutes.
01:11:22.000 Killed some time.
01:11:23.000 That killed some time, but I just wanted to hear your thoughts on it.
01:11:27.000 No, I haven't seen it.
01:11:28.000 I'm sure it was good.
01:11:29.000 I heard it was good.
01:11:30.000 Yeah.
01:11:30.000 Did you hear it was good, Jamie?
01:11:31.000 You didn't see it?
01:11:33.000 I don't know.
01:11:33.000 She's a fighter.
01:11:36.000 Yeah.
01:11:36.000 Do you want to see a cook race a bike?
01:11:40.000 No.
01:11:41.000 You know?
01:11:41.000 Yeah.
01:11:42.000 A fighter fight.
01:11:42.000 I would like to see a cook race a bike.
01:11:46.000 You know what I mean?
01:11:47.000 I mean, if someone that I really liked was doing it.
01:11:49.000 But I don't watch SNL. I'm not a fan.
01:11:52.000 I don't think it's good.
01:11:53.000 It's too bad too often for me to get into it.
01:11:57.000 Like, the amount of good stuff that you get off the SNL versus the amount of, like, it's way more than it is good.
01:12:05.000 There's just...
01:12:06.000 Over the years, if you accumulate all the different sketches, I mean, goddamn, I mean, it's a classic show.
01:12:13.000 But on any given night...
01:12:15.000 Boy, you're gonna watch a lot of mediocre shit.
01:12:18.000 The Tina Fey, Amy Poehler episode, that was really good.
01:12:21.000 I was there for that.
01:12:23.000 It had some really great sketches in it.
01:12:25.000 I also have a problem with it because I did news radio with Phil Hartman.
01:12:31.000 And Phil Hartman had incredibly negative shit to say about SNL, about the environment, about what it was like working there, about all the backstabbing, behind-the-scenes shit.
01:12:43.000 He hated it.
01:12:44.000 He fucking hated it.
01:12:45.000 Really?
01:12:46.000 And when he came over from the- Yeah, secretly.
01:12:49.000 Like, I don't think he was public about it, but- Until now.
01:12:52.000 Well, I think he's probably talking- Well, he's dead now.
01:12:54.000 Post-homisly.
01:12:56.000 Post-hominously?
01:12:57.000 Homus?
01:12:58.000 Is it post-hominously?
01:12:59.000 Posthumous.
01:13:00.000 Posthumous?
01:13:00.000 Yeah, Key and Healy.
01:13:01.000 That's stupid.
01:13:03.000 Post-homisly.
01:13:05.000 Posthumous.
01:13:06.000 Posthumously.
01:13:09.000 Posthumous?
01:13:10.000 So, being alive is hotness?
01:13:12.000 No.
01:13:13.000 What is...
01:13:14.000 I don't know.
01:13:15.000 It's just, that's it?
01:13:16.000 Yeah.
01:13:17.000 Am I saying it wrong?
01:13:19.000 Posthumously, right?
01:13:20.000 Now that he's dead.
01:13:21.000 Now that he's dead, it's leaked out.
01:13:23.000 Well, you know what happened was, he came over when he did NewsRadio.
01:13:27.000 That was the first sitcom that he'd ever done.
01:13:29.000 And when he came over, he had this sort of standoffish sort of an attitude.
01:13:33.000 Like, everybody's competing against everybody else.
01:13:35.000 It was like, every man for himself.
01:13:37.000 But then, when he realized it wasn't like that, he relaxed.
01:13:40.000 And then when he relaxed, he and I became friends, and he would talk, and he'd tell me about it, and tell me about what it was like over there.
01:13:49.000 He was a funny dude, man.
01:13:50.000 He used to like, get high.
01:13:53.000 Yeah.
01:13:53.000 Yeah, he would get barbecued.
01:13:55.000 Get high and start rapping.
01:13:57.000 He would get high and go sailing.
01:13:59.000 That's what he liked to do.
01:14:00.000 I go, what'd you do this weekend?
01:14:02.000 Oh, I got high and I got on my boat.
01:14:04.000 I went sailing.
01:14:05.000 Really?
01:14:06.000 Yeah.
01:14:06.000 In New York or out here?
01:14:08.000 Out here.
01:14:08.000 Yeah.
01:14:09.000 Yeah.
01:14:10.000 He was an interesting dude.
01:14:12.000 I never met anybody who was more professional.
01:14:14.000 He would have these notebooks.
01:14:15.000 When you get a script, I would fucking lose my script.
01:14:19.000 I'd be like, I can't find my script.
01:14:20.000 Is there any other scripts?
01:14:21.000 I'd get another script, and I'd read off that script.
01:14:23.000 But his script was in a binder, and he had different colored tabs for different scenes, like a yellow tab for the first scene, a blue tab for the second scene.
01:14:34.000 All of his lines were highlighted, and he had notes, like little annotations.
01:14:38.000 You put little fucking notes on the side of each thing, like hit it like this or do that, emphasis on that.
01:14:43.000 He was extremely professional.
01:14:46.000 Wow.
01:14:47.000 Yeah, I learned a lot about discipline and just being a professional, watching him work.
01:14:54.000 That guy was not successful by accident.
01:14:56.000 He was a hard-working, smart dude.
01:15:00.000 Married a cunt.
01:15:04.000 Alright, we'll be right back.
01:15:11.000 Well, you're allowed to call someone a cunt when they kill your friend.
01:15:14.000 No, definitely.
01:15:15.000 One of those times.
01:15:16.000 One of those times it's a free ride.
01:15:19.000 I was in Vegas and this is a weird thing that happened.
01:15:26.000 I met up with a friend of a friend.
01:15:31.000 This girl and her friend.
01:15:33.000 We hang out for a little bit.
01:15:36.000 Go to the craps table.
01:15:38.000 I couldn't explain craps to her.
01:15:41.000 She could not take in the rules of crap.
01:15:45.000 She was a little drunk, but still, not the whole craps table, but the basic 7-11 on the first roll is good, 2-3-12 is bad.
01:15:56.000 If you get anything else, that's your point.
01:15:58.000 You want to hit that point before you hit seven.
01:16:00.000 You probably couldn't explain it to me.
01:16:02.000 I don't understand craps.
01:16:04.000 You get a point.
01:16:05.000 If you have four, five, six, eight, nine, or ten, that's your point.
01:16:09.000 And you want to hit that before you hit seven.
01:16:11.000 Okay.
01:16:13.000 But I said this to her eight times.
01:16:15.000 And she was watching the table also, so she was just like, Is that good?
01:16:20.000 Is that good?
01:16:22.000 Is that good?
01:16:24.000 If the guy is handing me money, it's good.
01:16:27.000 If he's taking away my money, it's bad.
01:16:29.000 How about that?
01:16:30.000 Anyway, so we get back in my hotel room.
01:16:37.000 And her friend was there, too.
01:16:42.000 Long story short, her friend ended up leaving.
01:16:45.000 We fucked real quick.
01:16:47.000 And then...
01:16:49.000 And then I go, I hop in the shower.
01:16:51.000 I'm about to head downstairs to the awards, to the porn awards.
01:16:55.000 And then she was trying to make me fuck again.
01:16:59.000 She was like, let's do it.
01:17:01.000 Let's do it again.
01:17:02.000 I didn't come.
01:17:03.000 And I was like, no, we're done.
01:17:06.000 She was trying to force.
01:17:07.000 She was like, just, I'll ride you.
01:17:09.000 I was like, no, we already finished.
01:17:13.000 I guess I didn't get what I was like.
01:17:17.000 And I was like, am I being a douchebag?
01:17:19.000 No, she was being demanded.
01:17:22.000 Also, that doesn't feel good.
01:17:26.000 I'm going to be like, okay, let's go again.
01:17:28.000 Also, I'm almost 33. It takes a long time to build back up to that.
01:17:35.000 Like, the second round is too much for me right now.
01:17:38.000 Well, it depends entirely on how attractive she is.
01:17:40.000 Or how attracted you are to her.
01:17:42.000 Both as a human being and physically.
01:17:45.000 Like, what she looks like.
01:17:47.000 And, like, it sounds like she's annoying a little bit.
01:17:49.000 Yeah, going to the porn awards was definitely more appealing than having sex with her for a second time.
01:17:58.000 Is that good?
01:18:00.000 Yeah, let's go.
01:18:01.000 She was just really...
01:18:04.000 Is it harder for drunk girls to come?
01:18:06.000 Because it's hard for drunk dudes to come, right?
01:18:08.000 So is it hard for drunk girls to come?
01:18:12.000 So you might have been there all night, just pounding away.
01:18:15.000 I don't know.
01:18:16.000 Are we done yet?
01:18:17.000 Not yet!
01:18:19.000 She was a mess.
01:18:23.000 That happens.
01:18:24.000 It does happen.
01:18:25.000 Yeah, I make some bad decisions sometimes.
01:18:27.000 Hey, we all do.
01:18:28.000 It's part of life.
01:18:29.000 Especially with alcohol.
01:18:32.000 It's amazing how many good decisions get made when you think about all the booze that's flowing around.
01:18:36.000 Yeah.
01:18:36.000 Especially in Vegas.
01:18:38.000 It's amazing.
01:18:39.000 Like when you go to Vegas, it's amazing that it's not just chaos and fucking street fights and bottles breaking over people's heads.
01:18:46.000 If you just look at like that, look at a casino.
01:18:50.000 There's a fucking hundred thousand people in there or whatever the hell it is.
01:18:53.000 Everyone's boozed up.
01:18:55.000 It's amazing.
01:18:56.000 People losing money.
01:18:57.000 Yeah!
01:18:59.000 People fucking up their lives.
01:19:01.000 Definitely people fucking up their lives.
01:19:03.000 My friend Andrew, he had this dude that he used to work with.
01:19:06.000 He used to work at a restaurant.
01:19:07.000 This dude saved up his money for 10 years.
01:19:10.000 10 fucking years.
01:19:11.000 He had a savings account.
01:19:14.000 And he put together like 20 grand in the savings account over 10 years.
01:19:18.000 He's chipping away.
01:19:19.000 He wasn't making much money.
01:19:20.000 He's working at a restaurant.
01:19:21.000 Goes to Vegas.
01:19:22.000 He blew it all in one.
01:19:26.000 All gone.
01:19:26.000 All gone.
01:19:27.000 Came back just devastated.
01:19:29.000 10 years of working overtime, putting money away, 100 here, 200 there, thinking about all those hours that he spent washing dishes and cleaning up and all that shit, just to blow it.
01:19:43.000 In a weekend.
01:19:44.000 A weekend.
01:19:45.000 Still hasn't recovered.
01:19:46.000 Gone.
01:19:46.000 Probably killed himself.
01:19:48.000 He said they're real casual, like...
01:19:50.000 People do it.
01:19:51.000 People do do it.
01:19:52.000 They definitely do do it.
01:19:53.000 You shouldn't do it over money though, right?
01:19:55.000 Unless you owe somebody else money.
01:19:58.000 Even then.
01:19:59.000 Pay them.
01:19:59.000 I think Robert De Niro owes somebody money.
01:20:02.000 That's why he's doing these shitty movies?
01:20:03.000 Mm-hmm.
01:20:06.000 The Intern?
01:20:07.000 Come on, dude.
01:20:08.000 That was a work of art.
01:20:09.000 He did that shit because of integrity.
01:20:11.000 No, I heard The Intern actually...
01:20:13.000 Did you see The Intern?
01:20:14.000 Yes.
01:20:14.000 I watched part of it.
01:20:15.000 Did you like it?
01:20:16.000 Nope.
01:20:16.000 I didn't see it.
01:20:17.000 I heard some people...
01:20:19.000 Did Intern get decent reviews?
01:20:22.000 Maybe, but so did, like...
01:20:24.000 There's a lot of shitty movies that get good reviews.
01:20:28.000 But I feel like as far as compared to this Dirty Grandpa one, have you seen the trailers for this at all?
01:20:38.000 I just saw a brief second of it where I saw De Niro making a De Niro face and it said Dirty Grandpa.
01:20:44.000 That's all I saw.
01:20:45.000 Does it look bad?
01:20:46.000 I feel like he owes people money, like with this movie, like doing a movie like that.
01:20:51.000 One of the best actors of all time.
01:20:54.000 Of all time.
01:20:55.000 Or maybe he doesn't give a fuck.
01:20:57.000 No, I think he owes somebody millions.
01:21:01.000 Well, there's a lot of people that they get that lifestyle going and they want to feed that lifestyle.
01:21:07.000 They just want a private jet.
01:21:10.000 They want private jets.
01:21:11.000 They want that house in Spain or wherever the fuck they like to vacation.
01:21:15.000 They want a boat.
01:21:16.000 They want a this.
01:21:17.000 They want a that.
01:21:18.000 They want a fat apartment in New York City.
01:21:20.000 They want a home in Beverly Hills.
01:21:22.000 They want a pow, pow, pow.
01:21:23.000 When you do that, you need to generate a lot of income.
01:21:26.000 And when guys get older especially, the money drops substantially.
01:21:29.000 That was a big thing that Robin Williams was experiencing.
01:21:42.000 Yeah.
01:21:47.000 Mm-hmm.
01:21:50.000 We just needed to generate some money.
01:21:53.000 And he had some crazy estate.
01:21:56.000 He's got some amazing place in Northern California, like 24 million bucks, like hundreds of acres, just giant mansion on it, just like the total Great Gatsby house, you know?
01:22:07.000 I'm keeping my costs low.
01:22:09.000 Keep your costs low, Hannibal.
01:22:10.000 I'm keeping my costs low.
01:22:11.000 That's a good move.
01:22:13.000 Until what?
01:22:13.000 Until 30 years from now.
01:22:14.000 30 years from now?
01:22:15.000 When I become the host of Family Feud.
01:22:25.000 Then I'm gonna start spending that shit.
01:22:27.000 What about the Price is Right?
01:22:29.000 No, Family Feud.
01:22:30.000 Family Feud.
01:22:32.000 I feel like Family Feud has more room for humor than Price is Right.
01:22:38.000 Price is Right, you can get some jokes off.
01:22:39.000 That's true.
01:22:40.000 But Family Feud, you can crack.
01:22:41.000 You got a bunch of different people.
01:22:43.000 You get jokes off everybody.
01:22:44.000 You know what I mean?
01:22:45.000 It's true.
01:22:46.000 Yeah.
01:22:47.000 Steve Harvey gets a lot of good laughs off Family Feud.
01:22:48.000 A lot of jokes.
01:22:49.000 You got people setting you up.
01:22:51.000 Softball.
01:22:52.000 Bam!
01:22:53.000 Yeah.
01:22:54.000 Yeah.
01:22:55.000 And it's set up in the questions, too.
01:22:56.000 You know, a lot of the questions are like, they're just jobs.
01:23:00.000 Just innuendo questions.
01:23:02.000 Just fucking, you know, clean dick jokes.
01:23:05.000 If they came to you tomorrow with a family feud, they go, look, Wayne Brady, he just doesn't want to do it anymore.
01:23:11.000 Is Wayne Brady doing it?
01:23:12.000 No.
01:23:13.000 Wayne Brady's doing something else.
01:23:14.000 He's doing Price is Right, right?
01:23:16.000 No.
01:23:16.000 Drew Carey's doing Price is Right.
01:23:18.000 Wayne Brady has some show...
01:23:21.000 Let's make a deal.
01:23:22.000 He does?
01:23:23.000 He's on Let's Make a Deal.
01:23:26.000 It's weird that they rehash these old shows.
01:23:28.000 Those shows have been around since like the 30s.
01:23:31.000 Cheap to make, tape, whatever.
01:23:32.000 How many they tape in a day?
01:23:33.000 Hundreds.
01:23:34.000 Ten in a day.
01:23:38.000 They just keep taping them.
01:23:40.000 Man, I don't know.
01:23:40.000 If they came to me today with an offer for...
01:23:45.000 I don't know if I could go in the...
01:23:48.000 It would have to be a nice offer for me to go in the game show world now.
01:23:53.000 Yeah.
01:23:54.000 I did it.
01:23:56.000 I don't think I could do it again.
01:23:57.000 I mean, I definitely could do it again if I was broke, but I wouldn't want to do it again unless it was something unbelievable.
01:24:03.000 Did they pitch Fear Factor to you?
01:24:05.000 Fear Factor already existed.
01:24:06.000 It was a show in Holland.
01:24:08.000 It was called Now or Neverland.
01:24:10.000 Oh.
01:24:11.000 And then they came to me.
01:24:13.000 Because I had a development deal with NBC to do a sitcom.
01:24:17.000 And they came to me and they said, hey, there's this thing, we want you to come in and have a meeting with it.
01:24:22.000 And I started making fun of it.
01:24:24.000 When I went in there, they didn't want me at first because I wasn't making fun of it.
01:24:28.000 Because they were sicking dogs on people, making them eat animal dicks and shit.
01:24:32.000 I was mocking it.
01:24:33.000 And then one of the producers was like, listen, this guy's not going to work.
01:24:37.000 He's like, he's not taking it seriously.
01:24:38.000 We need these people to be scared.
01:24:39.000 And then the other producer, my friend David Hurwitz, was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:24:43.000 Look at what we're doing.
01:24:45.000 We need someone to mock this.
01:24:47.000 This is fucking ridiculous.
01:24:48.000 This show is ridiculous.
01:24:50.000 If it's going to be successful, we probably need a comedian.
01:24:53.000 You probably need someone to mock it.
01:24:56.000 And I wound up doing it.
01:24:57.000 But I never thought...
01:24:58.000 I thought it was gonna be canceled immediately.
01:25:01.000 How many seasons was it?
01:25:02.000 Six.
01:25:03.000 148 episodes.
01:25:04.000 Which episode should we look for if we want to see you dead in the eyes?
01:25:10.000 Well, I wasn't dead in the eyes.
01:25:11.000 I did way better than that.
01:25:12.000 Right around episode three or four, I started getting high as fuck!
01:25:19.000 I would get so high that I could feel the earth spinning.
01:25:24.000 I would take pot lollipops with me to the set, and I would just suck on pot lollipops, because that's a slow release, and the pot lollipops will kick in like an hour into the show.
01:25:36.000 But I'm functional.
01:25:37.000 I know how to do it.
01:25:39.000 I can operate high.
01:25:40.000 Were you married doing Fear Factor?
01:25:41.000 No.
01:25:42.000 Did you ever hook up with a contestant?
01:25:43.000 No.
01:25:44.000 No?
01:25:44.000 No, that's not a smart move.
01:25:45.000 Yeah.
01:25:46.000 It's not smart, but we both just agree that we do dumb things sometimes.
01:25:50.000 What's the dumbest shit that you've ever done because of your dick?
01:25:58.000 Oh, is this a bad question?
01:26:00.000 No, no, no.
01:26:00.000 The dumbest shit I've ever done?
01:26:02.000 You just look down at your dick and you go, how dare you?
01:26:06.000 What the fuck did you do to me, man?
01:26:09.000 Get me in this fucking position.
01:26:12.000 It's definitely...
01:26:13.000 I mean, the girl in Vegas, that wasn't a good decision, but I was just like...
01:26:17.000 That doesn't seem like the worst decision.
01:26:19.000 The worst thing happened is she wanted to come and she didn't come.
01:26:22.000 But she is...
01:26:24.000 Now I just...
01:26:25.000 I don't like when I end up where I'm like, oh, this chick is just here for the story.
01:26:32.000 You know?
01:26:34.000 When I was in San Jose...
01:26:37.000 I was...
01:26:38.000 I brought this girl back.
01:26:41.000 I brought her a couple friends back.
01:26:43.000 Her friend...
01:26:43.000 The dude leaves.
01:26:45.000 Her friend crashes on the couch...
01:26:47.000 It's sweet.
01:26:48.000 The girl comes into the room with me and it happens and then I wake up.
01:26:54.000 I look over.
01:26:55.000 She kinda fucking with her phone or something.
01:26:58.000 And I'm like, I have my instinct here.
01:27:02.000 I'm like, let me see your phone.
01:27:04.000 And then I scroll through the pictures and she had taken selfies with me sleeping in the background.
01:27:16.000 And then I scrolled through some more.
01:27:18.000 She had posted a Snapchat the night before, hanging out in Hannibal Buress' room.
01:27:25.000 My face wasn't in the sleeping picture, but that would have been the implication if you were following her story.
01:27:33.000 See, I don't have a Snapchat.
01:27:35.000 Yeah.
01:27:36.000 But these pictures were just on the camera log on her.
01:27:40.000 Like, these are the camera.
01:27:41.000 I wasn't on her.
01:27:42.000 But that's, like, if you do a Snapchat, I guess you could save the image that you put on Snapchat.
01:27:47.000 You could save it to your phone.
01:27:50.000 And so I deleted all that shit, and I was just like, get out of here.
01:27:53.000 What did she say?
01:27:55.000 She knew she was out.
01:27:57.000 What the fuck else you gonna say?
01:27:58.000 She was like, I just was...
01:27:59.000 But you're so nice and I really like you.
01:28:03.000 I mean, she was young and goofy, but it was just...
01:28:05.000 I'm like, what am I doing?
01:28:07.000 These fucking goof nuggers.
01:28:09.000 But I don't also...
01:28:13.000 But I also don't want to date a famous chick and then have everybody in my business.
01:28:19.000 Right.
01:28:19.000 You know what I mean?
01:28:20.000 Yeah.
01:28:21.000 That doesn't seem like a good move.
01:28:23.000 See, but you know the problem with that too is like a famous person is not more attractive to a guy.
01:28:29.000 If you meet a hot girl and she's just interesting and cool and she's not famous, or you meet a hot girl who's interesting and cool and is famous, one's not better than the other.
01:28:42.000 As a matter of fact, the famous one carries a lot of baggage.
01:28:45.000 Whereas for a girl, I think she meets a guy like you, like, oh, he's funny and he's smart and he's famous.
01:28:52.000 He's famous.
01:28:53.000 The fame means something to them.
01:28:56.000 Fame doesn't necessarily mean things to most guys.
01:28:59.000 I think it means something to some guys.
01:29:00.000 Just because if you watch TV or you see a girl in a magazine or you see her in a video, or if you just saw a bunch of dope-ass Instagram pictures, you're like, yo...
01:29:12.000 Is that attainable?
01:29:14.000 I would like to.
01:29:16.000 Is that attainable?
01:29:17.000 Because, you know, I heard stories about old school movie stars or whatever.
01:29:22.000 In the 80s, they just flipped through a magazine like, her, go get her for me.
01:29:27.000 And that's how they would pull, like, that was their Tinder.
01:29:31.000 I'm sure, right?
01:29:32.000 Just flipping through a magazine like, who is that?
01:29:34.000 Go find her.
01:29:35.000 Shit like that.
01:29:36.000 Like Maxim?
01:29:37.000 I definitely think those models, there's something to that for...
01:29:41.000 For some guys, it's an excitement to that.
01:29:45.000 Yeah, but if they saw that girl at a club, they'd be just as excited about her.
01:29:50.000 Yeah, without knowing about, yeah.
01:29:52.000 Yeah.
01:29:52.000 But maybe, you know, I mean, I've seen, you know, some that, like, man, I like that, I like that song.
01:29:58.000 Yeah.
01:30:00.000 Right, if someone's talented.
01:30:01.000 But then I do feel, it feels iffy.
01:30:03.000 It feels just weird sometimes.
01:30:05.000 Well, there's that whole world of, you know, you get in that red carpet world.
01:30:09.000 You get in that world of they follow your relationship because you put your relationship out there and all your photos.
01:30:16.000 I never did.
01:30:18.000 Even when, even in 2008 to 2000, when I had a girlfriend, Like, I didn't even put in a relationship on Facebook.
01:30:29.000 It wasn't to, like, mess around with other girls.
01:30:32.000 It was just because I didn't feel like strangers, you know, because I had some Facebooks.
01:30:36.000 I didn't feel like strangers should know who my girlfriend is.
01:30:39.000 Unless you see me out and about.
01:30:40.000 But you shouldn't just be able to go on my Facebook page and be like, oh, he's dating her.
01:30:44.000 Oh, look at them here.
01:30:45.000 Well, for the majority of people, it would be no problem at all.
01:30:48.000 But it's just a few creepers that it would be a problem.
01:30:52.000 It can happen.
01:30:53.000 The whole world is very strange when it comes to that shit.
01:30:56.000 Social media is a totally new landscape that our parents didn't have to deal with, their parents didn't have to deal with.
01:31:02.000 Nobody had to deal with it until this generation.
01:31:05.000 This is the first generation ever that's put their whole life out there.
01:31:08.000 I have friends who put their fucking kids, they put their kids' pictures all over the internet and everything like that.
01:31:13.000 I'm like, okay, I guess you could do that, but it seems like...
01:31:18.000 Did you ask the kids?
01:31:19.000 You know what I mean?
01:31:21.000 All these fucking weirdos are going to know what your kids look like.
01:31:24.000 Yeah, that is weird.
01:31:25.000 I mean, with some people, that's how you get, you know, I mean, I guess you could make it private, but that's how you share it with family members that you just put it on Facebook and you share it with them.
01:31:35.000 There's also some people like to put that image out there.
01:31:38.000 That was one of the things that Phil Hartman and I talked about when he was trying to break up with his wife.
01:31:43.000 He was like, I think that if I got divorced, I wouldn't get the same movies.
01:31:48.000 And I said, why?
01:31:49.000 He goes, because my image is the family man.
01:31:54.000 Those are the movies I get.
01:31:56.000 I need my wife and my kids and all that stuff that's a part of what I'm selling.
01:32:00.000 And I was like, wow, I never even thought of that.
01:32:02.000 Because I was young and single, and I was like, oh, okay, yeah, I guess.
01:32:07.000 But some people look at it that way.
01:32:09.000 They want to sell a package.
01:32:11.000 Like, hey, look at me.
01:32:12.000 I'm a good guy.
01:32:13.000 Hey, here I am at my kid's birthday party.
01:32:15.000 Look, I'm holding a baby.
01:32:16.000 You know?
01:32:18.000 Comedians.
01:32:19.000 We're known to be degenerates.
01:32:21.000 You know?
01:32:22.000 We're known to be dirty people.
01:32:24.000 So much so that when somebody's not, they're like, holy shit, we like this guy.
01:32:30.000 Gaffigan, come do stand-up before the Pope.
01:32:31.000 I was just going to say Gaffigan!
01:32:35.000 I was just gonna say Gaffigan.
01:32:37.000 Brian Regan, where are you?
01:32:39.000 Brian Regan.
01:32:41.000 Yeah.
01:32:42.000 Yeah.
01:32:42.000 Come perform before the Pope.
01:32:44.000 Yeah, Gaffigan perform in front of the Pope.
01:32:47.000 You know who was most fucked up about that?
01:32:49.000 He was on the Colbert show.
01:32:52.000 Okay, Colbert, if you don't know, is a Catholic, like a serious Catholic.
01:32:56.000 And he's on the Colbert show with Maria Shriver.
01:32:58.000 And they're talking about how great it is to be a Catholic.
01:33:02.000 And they're on there, and I'm like, is this real life?
01:33:05.000 You guys are talking about a cult.
01:33:07.000 You're in an ancient cult of kid fuckers, and you're going to go see the head kid fucker.
01:33:13.000 He's the king of the kid fuckers, and you guys are pretending that this is all fun.
01:33:17.000 This is all great stuff.
01:33:19.000 Being a Catholic is wonderful.
01:33:20.000 It's amazing.
01:33:21.000 There's such a great tradition and history to it.
01:33:24.000 Like, what the fuck are you talking about?
01:33:26.000 I was raised Catholic.
01:33:28.000 I went to Catholic school when I was a little kid.
01:33:30.000 Fuck all that.
01:33:31.000 To put my kids through that as an adult, to be an adult and somehow or another promote that, it's madness.
01:33:40.000 That is madness.
01:33:42.000 Yes.
01:33:43.000 I mean, yeah, I'm not a religious person.
01:33:47.000 At all.
01:33:48.000 I don't need it.
01:33:50.000 I think, you know, it's cool when they give people food and shit.
01:33:53.000 Yeah.
01:33:54.000 No, churches, I think, are great.
01:33:56.000 They do some good things when they donate.
01:33:57.000 I think churches are great.
01:33:59.000 Yeah?
01:33:59.000 I think churches are great in communities.
01:34:00.000 I think it's a good thing where people get together and just be nice to each other on Sundays.
01:34:04.000 Yeah.
01:34:05.000 Regardless of...
01:34:05.000 The songs are good.
01:34:06.000 Yeah.
01:34:06.000 Yeah.
01:34:07.000 There's a lot of good to that.
01:34:08.000 But Catholicism, man, as a religion, like...
01:34:11.000 Growing up in it and seeing all the damage that it does and the guilt, all the fucking guilt and weirdness that came to it.
01:34:18.000 Oh, man.
01:34:20.000 Catholic school was horrible.
01:34:22.000 Horrible shit, man.
01:34:23.000 Did you go to Catholic high school?
01:34:25.000 No, no, no.
01:34:26.000 Just up to eighth grade?
01:34:27.000 No, when I was early.
01:34:28.000 I only went to first grade.
01:34:30.000 Damn, it stuck with you that much?
01:34:33.000 What happened?
01:34:34.000 This woman, her name was Sister Mary Josephine.
01:34:37.000 This fucking cunt.
01:34:39.000 She was a monster.
01:34:40.000 She was just the meanest lady.
01:34:42.000 First of all, I didn't go to kindergarten, so that was my first time in school at all.
01:34:46.000 First grade was the first time in school.
01:34:49.000 You know why she was mean, Joe?
01:34:52.000 Why?
01:34:52.000 Because she wasn't getting no dick, man!
01:34:55.000 Catholic ladies don't be fucking at all.
01:34:58.000 They're angry.
01:34:59.000 Definitely that.
01:35:00.000 The nuns don't be fucking.
01:35:01.000 They need to fuck and then they'll loosen up a little bit, you know?
01:35:05.000 Yeah.
01:35:06.000 And the dudes, what are they doing?
01:35:08.000 That's why they fuck kids.
01:35:09.000 They're all bent up and fucking tightened up.
01:35:12.000 We had a kid in my high school that became a priest.
01:35:14.000 He was gay as fuck.
01:35:15.000 Everybody knew he was gay.
01:35:16.000 We knew he was gay and he was going to become a priest.
01:35:19.000 And I remember thinking, this is so bizarre.
01:35:21.000 This guy is avoiding pussy by becoming a priest.
01:35:25.000 You know?
01:35:26.000 Like, hey, Billy, when are you going to have a girlfriend?
01:35:28.000 Oh, the Lord's got me.
01:35:29.000 I'm all wrapped up in the Lord.
01:35:31.000 And he became a Catholic priest.
01:35:32.000 I mean, I don't know if he ever went...
01:35:34.000 I mean, I didn't talk to him after high school, but I assume he went with it.
01:35:36.000 But that was the whole thing.
01:35:38.000 He was going to be a father.
01:35:40.000 Billy was going to be a father.
01:35:42.000 Father Billy.
01:35:42.000 Oh, there he goes.
01:35:45.000 The fact that they think that there needs to be new people to teach religion.
01:35:50.000 Like, oh, we need new people.
01:35:51.000 Like, no, why don't you just...
01:35:52.000 Do you need somebody else to say this shit?
01:35:55.000 It's been being said.
01:35:56.000 It's nothing new to be added to it.
01:35:59.000 Well, it's an organization.
01:36:00.000 Yeah.
01:36:01.000 There's an organization that needs members to grow.
01:36:04.000 Right.
01:36:04.000 It's a spooky organization.
01:36:06.000 The amount of, like, one of the things that happened when Ratzinger was the Pope, the last guy who stepped down, one of the reasons why he stepped down, it was revealed that that guy had relocated child molesters, and one of them that he relocated wound up molesting a hundred deaf kids.
01:36:22.000 A hundred deaf kids.
01:36:24.000 Yikes.
01:36:24.000 This guy, they relocated him to some new place, and Rat said they knew he was a pedophile.
01:36:29.000 I mean, it's not a new thing.
01:36:32.000 I mean, pedophilia in the Catholic Church is fucking bananas.
01:36:35.000 It's so rampant.
01:36:36.000 I mean, if you had that many pedophiles, say, like, in NASCAR, how long would it take for they shut down NASCAR? They'd be like, NASCAR is a fucking crazy pedophile ring.
01:36:45.000 But because it's...
01:36:47.000 The Lord!
01:36:48.000 The Lord's attached to all this kid fucking that somehow or another that guy's not in jail They just moved that guy to some new place and you know now you don't see him anymore, but he He can't he was one of those guys.
01:37:00.000 They were trying to cry.
01:37:01.000 They were trying to try him for crimes against humanity There was all these these people that were that were petitioning while he was the Pope to get him tried and And then he had to step down.
01:37:14.000 This new guy stepped in.
01:37:16.000 This new guy seems pretty cool.
01:37:17.000 It's like as far as Popes go.
01:37:19.000 He got rid of the throne.
01:37:21.000 Got a pretty decent normal chair.
01:37:24.000 Yeah.
01:37:24.000 Oh, that should change everything.
01:37:26.000 He doesn't ride around the Popemobile?
01:37:28.000 What does he ride around in?
01:37:29.000 A Fiat.
01:37:30.000 A Fiat?
01:37:30.000 So if they shoot me, they shoot me.
01:37:32.000 Yeah.
01:37:33.000 When was the last time they went after the Pope?
01:37:37.000 Right before they built the Popemobile.
01:37:41.000 Somebody shot the Pope.
01:37:43.000 I mean, people have shot the Pope before.
01:37:45.000 Look, you know who's going to shoot the Pope?
01:37:46.000 Someone who got fucked by a priest.
01:37:48.000 Yeah, probably.
01:37:49.000 And you're talking about thousands of people.
01:37:53.000 It is a bananas religion if you really stop and think about how many people have been molested by priests.
01:37:58.000 When I was a kid, I would hear about it when I was in Catholic school.
01:38:03.000 I would hear about it in hushed tones amongst relatives and people that the father did something to them and it was this and stay away from Father O'Malley and stay away from this guy.
01:38:13.000 Yikes.
01:38:14.000 Yeah, I had a friend of mine who had to stay over during high school for like a track and field thing, and they made them stay at the church because he was in Catholic school, and he's like, I'm literally fighting this old guy off of me.
01:38:29.000 He goes, I'm 16 years old.
01:38:30.000 This guy's reaching his hand in my pants.
01:38:32.000 He's grabbing my dick.
01:38:33.000 He was drunk with wine.
01:38:35.000 He's like, I'm fighting this old child molester off me.
01:38:39.000 How old was this guy?
01:38:40.000 He was like...
01:38:40.000 The old guy?
01:38:41.000 Yeah.
01:38:42.000 I don't know, he's old.
01:38:42.000 But my friend was like 15?
01:38:44.000 Yeah.
01:38:44.000 You know, high school?
01:38:45.000 14, 15?
01:38:46.000 We had to beat the shit out of an old guy.
01:38:48.000 Like, really.
01:38:49.000 Maybe.
01:38:49.000 Maybe the old guy's got skills.
01:38:50.000 Yeah.
01:38:51.000 Been doing it for years.
01:38:53.000 He knows.
01:38:54.000 He knows how to molest kids.
01:38:56.000 He's got moves to use.
01:38:58.000 He's fucked up.
01:38:58.000 I mean, they must have moves, right?
01:38:59.000 Like, you have moves with girls.
01:39:01.000 Everybody has moves, right?
01:39:02.000 I don't really have moves.
01:39:03.000 Well, your move is, hey, I'm Hannibal.
01:39:05.000 What's up?
01:39:05.000 I don't say that, but I was like, hey, what's up?
01:39:07.000 Blah, blah, blah.
01:39:07.000 You want a drink?
01:39:08.000 All right, second location.
01:39:09.000 Blah, blah, blah.
01:39:10.000 Let's go back.
01:39:12.000 Oh, you take them to a second location to show commitment.
01:39:14.000 It's a good move.
01:39:15.000 Yeah, you get them in a different environment.
01:39:18.000 Oh, this place is great, right?
01:39:19.000 All right, now let's go.
01:39:20.000 Yeah, you got to move around.
01:39:21.000 Yeah, move around.
01:39:21.000 That makes things more active.
01:39:23.000 It's a full night, a full evening.
01:39:25.000 Like dinner and a movie, right?
01:39:27.000 Yeah.
01:39:27.000 You go to dinner and you go to a movie.
01:39:29.000 You got a lot of shit happening.
01:39:30.000 Right.
01:39:30.000 Ba-da-ba!
01:39:31.000 It's a show.
01:39:32.000 Yeah.
01:39:33.000 But I mean, young guys that are trying to get laid.
01:39:36.000 I mean, that's why people wear nice clothes.
01:39:38.000 That's why people wear, you know, jewelry.
01:39:41.000 They drive a nice car.
01:39:42.000 Why do they do that?
01:39:43.000 Because they want a show.
01:39:44.000 Like, hey, look at me.
01:39:44.000 I'm something special.
01:39:45.000 Maybe a few good jokes they tell.
01:39:47.000 Maybe they're, you know, they're just a smooth talker.
01:39:52.000 It would feel weird to be able to fuck because of my car.
01:39:56.000 I don't have a car.
01:39:57.000 I don't own a car.
01:39:58.000 But it would feel weird.
01:40:01.000 I think that would feel more weird than fucking because of fame.
01:40:06.000 Like, off of a car.
01:40:08.000 Like, look at this shit.
01:40:09.000 Get in.
01:40:10.000 Let's go.
01:40:12.000 Well, you have to, especially in LA, you have to really come correct.
01:40:16.000 I mean, you gotta come with some strong fucking automobile if you want to fuck for your car.
01:40:22.000 There's so many nice cars out here.
01:40:24.000 You gotta have, like, a Bugatti.
01:40:26.000 We gotta have some shit that's a house.
01:40:28.000 It's a house on wheels.
01:40:29.000 You can't have an Uber sticker on that shit, no matter how nice it is.
01:40:35.000 Do they have stickers on Ubers?
01:40:37.000 Stickers or cards, they have a U. Well, if you have a Bugatti and you have an Uber, you could say it's a goof.
01:40:42.000 I like to pick people up, just freak them out.
01:40:44.000 There's some nice Ubers out there.
01:40:45.000 They got like...
01:40:47.000 S500s, Benzes.
01:40:48.000 Really?
01:40:49.000 Yeah.
01:40:49.000 Trying to make those payments.
01:40:50.000 Yeah.
01:40:51.000 If you have an S500 and you say, all right, look, I like a nice car, but I can't afford it.
01:40:55.000 But if I just work two nights a week for Uber, that would be my car payment.
01:41:00.000 You could do that.
01:41:03.000 Yeah.
01:41:05.000 I can see it.
01:41:07.000 I can see it.
01:41:08.000 I've heard about...
01:41:09.000 Yeah, I've heard a lot about just Uber drivers pushing hard.
01:41:15.000 All levels of cars, but...
01:41:18.000 Definitely going in hard on women.
01:41:22.000 Oh, really?
01:41:23.000 Not in a...
01:41:25.000 I mean, there's obviously been a couple stories of, you know, things happening.
01:41:29.000 But definitely just them like, yo, what's up?
01:41:34.000 Just really going in.
01:41:35.000 That's one thing I liked about being in Japan is that taxi drivers don't say shit to you.
01:41:44.000 Ha!
01:41:45.000 Uber drivers talk too much.
01:41:46.000 Uber drivers talk to...
01:41:48.000 I mean, taxi drivers too.
01:41:50.000 But Uber drivers are way worse.
01:41:51.000 Uber drivers, it's like, bro, I just want...
01:41:54.000 When I was in Chicago, I was heading from my hotel.
01:42:00.000 My hotel was downtown.
01:42:01.000 Heading to O'Hare.
01:42:02.000 It was about 40 minutes.
01:42:05.000 Early in the morning, a little bit hungover.
01:42:08.000 I hopped into Uber.
01:42:10.000 It's a comic that I sort of knew maybe 10 years back in Chicago, driving a Uber.
01:42:18.000 And he starts, like, pitching me and shit.
01:42:24.000 And I hadn't seen him in years.
01:42:26.000 We weren't that close when I was in Chicago.
01:42:33.000 I got these ideas, man.
01:42:36.000 Can you link me with Stephen Merchant?
01:42:40.000 Who's Stephen Merchant?
01:42:41.000 Steven Merchant is the tall guy from The Office.
01:42:46.000 Okay.
01:42:46.000 That was in the original, in Extras.
01:42:49.000 He's Ricky Gervais, worked with Ricky Gervais.
01:42:51.000 Okay.
01:42:52.000 So he's just like, I'll ask him just, I hadn't seen this dude in 11 years or some shit, and now I'm like hostage on the way to the airport for 40 minutes sake.
01:43:02.000 Did he know that it was gonna be you or is it just totally random?
01:43:05.000 He didn't know it was going to be me because I have a fake name on Uber.
01:43:07.000 Oh, wow.
01:43:08.000 So, yeah.
01:43:10.000 It was totally random.
01:43:11.000 It was like, oh, what's up?
01:43:12.000 I don't recognize him.
01:43:13.000 But it was just like, oh, I'm getting pitched right now at like 6 in the morning.
01:43:18.000 Oh, and you're tired.
01:43:20.000 On a 40-minute ride.
01:43:22.000 You can't tell him to shut the fuck up.
01:43:24.000 You cannot.
01:43:25.000 He's just like, yeah, man, sounds like a...
01:43:28.000 Real cool idea, man.
01:43:30.000 Yeah, see, that's why I stopped using car services to take me to the airport because I just didn't want to talk to anybody.
01:43:37.000 I'd rather just listen to podcasts and just chill, drive myself.
01:43:41.000 And then when I get to, like, when I do clubs or colleges or whatever, or colleges.
01:43:47.000 Never do colleges.
01:43:48.000 When I do theaters or whatever, I just rent a car.
01:43:51.000 I like that better, man.
01:43:52.000 I mean, most of the time, you run into cool drivers.
01:43:55.000 Most of the time.
01:43:56.000 But the problem is, if you don't, it's a pain in the ass.
01:44:00.000 Like, if you run into one dude who just talks too much...
01:44:03.000 It does take your...
01:44:03.000 It takes your mental energy.
01:44:06.000 Like, it's really...
01:44:07.000 I mean, it's a bit of an exaggeration to say it like this, but it's like, for 15 minutes, somebody can kind of...
01:44:15.000 Steal your soul a little bit.
01:44:16.000 A little bit.
01:44:20.000 Me and Tony Hinchcliffe were in the car once, and this fucking dude just joined in on our conversation.
01:44:24.000 Like, we're talking about some important shit.
01:44:26.000 You know, and Tony's asking me some questions, he's asking me for advice, and I'm like, well, I think, and the guy's like, what you should do is, well, you gotta tell her to blah blah blah.
01:44:34.000 Are you talking about a girl?
01:44:35.000 Yeah.
01:44:35.000 And I'm like, ho, ho, ho, the fuck on, dude.
01:44:39.000 You're not even supposed to be here.
01:44:40.000 Like, you're just in...
01:44:42.000 You're here, but you're not supposed to be in this conversation.
01:44:45.000 This is a conversation.
01:44:46.000 This is my friend.
01:44:47.000 He's asking me advice.
01:44:49.000 You don't even know him.
01:44:51.000 And so the whole rest of the day was just bizarre because this dude was driving us around and just chimed in no matter what we talked about.
01:44:59.000 Looking at you in the rear view.
01:45:02.000 I'm like, dude, eyes on the road, motherfucker!
01:45:04.000 That thing is to see cars behind us.
01:45:06.000 It's not to have conversations.
01:45:08.000 When a guy's driving and he's looking at you in the rear view mirror, that motherfucker's holding your attention hostage.
01:45:15.000 Because anything can happen now.
01:45:16.000 Because he's not necessarily paying attention to the road.
01:45:19.000 And you're like, oh, Jesus Christ, what is this guy playing?
01:45:21.000 He might as well be texting right now.
01:45:23.000 He's looking at the rear view mirror.
01:45:25.000 Once I got in the car...
01:45:28.000 No lie.
01:45:29.000 This dude, he had either his phone, a bigger phone, or a tablet in the middle, and he was watching some type of Scientology YouTube video here in LA. While he was driving?
01:45:45.000 He was driving and kept on glancing at it, and I said, hey man, turn that off.
01:45:52.000 Did you?
01:45:52.000 Yeah, because he was for real like looking down at the video.
01:45:57.000 He was like, sorry about that.
01:45:59.000 I just...
01:46:00.000 Yeah, I get that you have a lot of downtime, but now is not one of those times.
01:46:04.000 Stop looking down at this.
01:46:06.000 And he had...
01:46:07.000 Also, he had that shit in the speakers.
01:46:09.000 That's what made it worse.
01:46:10.000 Like this weird-ass YouTube and then Scientology is the...
01:46:14.000 What the fuck are you?
01:46:15.000 Who are you, man?
01:46:16.000 I had this dude...
01:46:18.000 That was texting the entire time.
01:46:20.000 He picked me up at the airport, and he was taking me somewhere.
01:46:23.000 And the entire time, he's on his phone.
01:46:25.000 He's got his phone in his lap.
01:46:26.000 And he's driving, and he's just doing this.
01:46:28.000 Looking down.
01:46:29.000 One, two, three.
01:46:30.000 Looking up.
01:46:30.000 Looking down.
01:46:31.000 One, two, three.
01:46:32.000 It was a fucking perilous, terror-filled ride.
01:46:36.000 Because we're on the highway, and this guy...
01:46:39.000 And I'm like, hey man, you're making me nervous.
01:46:42.000 Don't worry.
01:46:42.000 Everything, no problem.
01:46:44.000 Got it.
01:46:44.000 No problem.
01:46:45.000 I'll stop right now.
01:46:46.000 And then a couple seconds later, he gets another text in.
01:46:48.000 I've just got to answer this.
01:46:49.000 Look it down, look it up, look it down, look it up, look it down, look it up.
01:46:52.000 When you're looking down, your fucking car is traveling like 100 feet, 200 feet, 300 feet.
01:46:59.000 Anything can happen during that time you're not looking.
01:47:02.000 Yeah.
01:47:03.000 A dude could fuck up and come in your lane.
01:47:05.000 Some shit could be on the road that you didn't see.
01:47:11.000 Stinks.
01:47:11.000 Stinks.
01:47:12.000 Can't wait for rental.
01:47:13.000 In a few years, it's gonna be rental self-driving cars.
01:47:18.000 Yeah.
01:47:19.000 Well, they already have that with Mercedes.
01:47:20.000 You know Mercedes has a self-driving car now?
01:47:23.000 Yeah.
01:47:23.000 You get in the fucking car, the S-classes.
01:47:25.000 Yeah.
01:47:26.000 You get on the highway, you press the navigation system, and you fucking get your hands off the steering wheel, and you sit back.
01:47:32.000 And that motherfucker drives itself.
01:47:33.000 It slows down.
01:47:34.000 It turns.
01:47:35.000 Yeah.
01:47:36.000 But does Avis have that shit yet?
01:47:37.000 That's what I mean.
01:47:40.000 I want to be able to go to Columbus, Ohio.
01:47:43.000 That's going to happen.
01:47:43.000 I'd like to upgrade to the self-driving Mercedes.
01:47:46.000 That's definitely going to happen.
01:47:48.000 Well, when that happens, it's going to be more boring but more safe.
01:47:52.000 Yeah.
01:47:53.000 I wonder if you'll be able to take it out of self-driving mode, but then you'll have self-driving cars and then assholes slamming into self-driving cars.
01:48:02.000 Oh, yeah.
01:48:03.000 That'll be a problem.
01:48:05.000 It's going to get weird in the next five years.
01:48:07.000 Weird as fuck.
01:48:08.000 It's already weird.
01:48:09.000 Stuff is going to get really weird.
01:48:11.000 You want to see weird?
01:48:12.000 Go to Brody Stevens' Periscope.
01:48:14.000 All day long, he periscopes.
01:48:16.000 He periscopes everything he does.
01:48:17.000 He periscopes his drive to the comedy store.
01:48:19.000 He periscopes at the comedy store.
01:48:21.000 He got arrested last night for it.
01:48:22.000 Brody got arrested?
01:48:23.000 He was pulled over and the cops pulled up behind him and detained him, I think.
01:48:27.000 No!
01:48:28.000 Yeah.
01:48:28.000 He was in a spot where a robbery was...
01:48:33.000 Uh, reported, I guess.
01:48:34.000 It wasn't him.
01:48:35.000 Oh, so he didn't get arrested for periscope.
01:48:38.000 It just, at the same time, he was periscoping.
01:48:40.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:48:42.000 They don't know, obviously.
01:48:43.000 They don't know he's Brody motherfucking Stevens.
01:48:45.000 I'm gonna step out real quick.
01:48:46.000 Oh, you gotta pee?
01:48:47.000 Yeah.
01:48:48.000 How dare you.
01:48:49.000 Yeah, that's pretty funny.
01:48:50.000 He, uh, he's sitting there talking to the two, just like a normal periscope that he does, and, uh, you see the lights come up behind him.
01:48:56.000 He's like, oh, oh, uh-oh.
01:48:58.000 And he came back up late, like an hour later, with a new periscope saying, like, what happened.
01:49:02.000 Yeah, every time I run into him at the comedy store, he's on Periscope.
01:49:05.000 I've been in like five of his Periscopes just saying hi to him.
01:49:08.000 He walks in with it.
01:49:08.000 Yeah.
01:49:08.000 That's great.
01:49:09.000 He walks in Periscoping.
01:49:10.000 Yeah.
01:49:11.000 He's a fucking character, man.
01:49:13.000 He's such a character.
01:49:14.000 But he's one of those guys that's embraced that aspect of social media at a ridiculous level.
01:49:19.000 Like, he literally will periscope his whole life.
01:49:21.000 Brian was doing it a lot for a while, but he's kind of abandoned it.
01:49:24.000 A little bit.
01:49:25.000 He still does it some.
01:49:26.000 Yeah.
01:49:26.000 I don't do it at all anymore.
01:49:28.000 I haven't periscoped in like a year.
01:49:29.000 It's taken off a little bit more because it's on apps now for TVs.
01:49:33.000 Like, the Apple TV, it's built in there.
01:49:34.000 I saw something else had it built into it, too.
01:49:37.000 So you can watch it on a big screen.
01:49:39.000 Without having to have it just on your phone and having to choose what you watch and they're giving you things to look at now too.
01:49:44.000 Dude, I'm super suspicious about Apple TV now.
01:49:47.000 Because my Apple TV used to work great until the new Apple TV came out and now my Apple TV fucks up all the time.
01:49:53.000 It kicks me off and reboots.
01:49:55.000 It stops shows and goes right back to the main menu.
01:49:58.000 And then I'm suspicious about...
01:50:00.000 You want another beer?
01:50:02.000 I'm suspicious about the...
01:50:04.000 There's a class-action lawsuit that someone filed about the old phones.
01:50:09.000 They said that the old phones stopped working when the new operating system would come out because the new operating system is designed for the new phones, and they had made it so that the old phones were slow.
01:50:19.000 I wonder if...
01:50:20.000 I wonder if they would actually do that to...
01:50:23.000 Brian thinks so.
01:50:24.000 Brian's convinced.
01:50:26.000 It could also be a matter of just, like, they're making so much great new software that the old processors and whatnot just aren't made to use it.
01:50:33.000 Yeah, but that's not fun to think like that.
01:50:35.000 It's not acceptable, I guess.
01:50:36.000 It's not fun to think like that.
01:50:37.000 That's not the way they sell it either, though.
01:50:38.000 They sell it as though you should be able to use it.
01:50:40.000 Yeah.
01:50:40.000 Well, you should be able to have an iPhone 4 and fucking keep the old operating system and be good.
01:50:46.000 It used to work good.
01:50:47.000 Why does it work good anymore?
01:50:48.000 I don't want to fucking play games on it.
01:50:50.000 I want to watch videos.
01:50:51.000 I just want to...
01:50:52.000 God damn it!
01:50:53.000 Right?
01:50:55.000 You need an actual opener.
01:50:58.000 They just announced their first time for the, I think ever, the sales on iPhones are down.
01:51:04.000 What?
01:51:05.000 I wonder why.
01:51:06.000 Because everybody has one.
01:51:07.000 That's why.
01:51:08.000 It's because everybody's switching to Samsung.
01:51:11.000 Are you?
01:51:11.000 Are you switching to Samsung?
01:51:12.000 Is that what you're trying to say?
01:51:13.000 Those new Samsungs are pretty fucking slick.
01:51:16.000 They are very slick.
01:51:17.000 The new ones are about as good.
01:51:19.000 Thank you, sir.
01:51:20.000 The new ones are about as good as an iPhone.
01:51:23.000 I mean, just as good with some features that iPhones don't have.
01:51:27.000 You know?
01:51:29.000 I'm sorry.
01:51:29.000 I'm being a shill.
01:51:31.000 I just did a Samsung commercial.
01:51:33.000 No, they're great.
01:51:33.000 Samsung's great, man.
01:51:34.000 I have a Samsung.
01:51:36.000 I got one of those Galaxies.
01:51:37.000 Yeah?
01:51:37.000 Yeah, the phone that we use for this podcast.
01:51:40.000 They're good.
01:51:41.000 You got one right there.
01:51:42.000 Look at you, fella.
01:51:43.000 You're not fucking around.
01:51:43.000 But do you miss, like, certain apps that are only iPhone native?
01:51:47.000 No.
01:51:47.000 No?
01:51:48.000 All right.
01:51:48.000 I would.
01:51:49.000 I would.
01:51:50.000 Like, the Instagram for Android's bullshit.
01:51:53.000 You think so?
01:51:53.000 It's bullshit Instagram.
01:51:54.000 Yeah, it sucks.
01:51:55.000 You gotta update.
01:51:56.000 Oh yeah?
01:51:56.000 The new one's better?
01:51:57.000 They fixed it?
01:51:58.000 I think so.
01:51:59.000 The old one was dog shit.
01:52:03.000 Don't get defensive.
01:52:04.000 I'm not defensive at all.
01:52:05.000 I just started.
01:52:06.000 I'm having a good time.
01:52:07.000 Me too.
01:52:08.000 I really didn't.
01:52:08.000 I wasn't defensive at all.
01:52:10.000 Okay.
01:52:11.000 We're live on the internet right now?
01:52:13.000 That camera's on?
01:52:14.000 That camera is live on the internet right now.
01:52:17.000 Yeah?
01:52:17.000 Yeah.
01:52:18.000 What's up, everybody?
01:52:20.000 Thank you.
01:52:21.000 Thank you.
01:52:23.000 It's been two years, man.
01:52:24.000 I know, it's kind of crazy.
01:52:25.000 Yeah.
01:52:26.000 Yeah, we got to do more shit together, man.
01:52:27.000 I really enjoy your company.
01:52:29.000 It's a fun time.
01:52:31.000 It's been good.
01:52:33.000 I'm enjoying it.
01:52:35.000 I got more stories.
01:52:37.000 More crazy stories.
01:52:40.000 Got any more you'd like to share with people before we wrap this up?
01:52:43.000 What's a crazy one that happened?
01:52:48.000 So I'm in Japan.
01:52:52.000 I went out there for a winter vacation.
01:52:54.000 Just for fucking around?
01:52:56.000 Yeah, a couple other comics went out there.
01:52:58.000 Eric Andre, Byron Bowers.
01:53:00.000 I love Byron.
01:53:01.000 Byron's a crazy person.
01:53:02.000 He's a great dude.
01:53:03.000 I love that dude.
01:53:04.000 He's a good dude.
01:53:04.000 He's a maniac.
01:53:06.000 Yeah, he's a fun guy.
01:53:08.000 Yeah.
01:53:10.000 And a couple other comics.
01:53:11.000 Jay Catapretta, Nick Rutherford, Doug Pound, and a couple other people.
01:53:17.000 They took a trip out to Japan.
01:53:18.000 I popped out there.
01:53:20.000 Got out there January 3rd.
01:53:22.000 I was hanging out with this girl out there.
01:53:25.000 We go to this bar.
01:53:27.000 It's a nice bar in Japan called JBS. Jazz, Blues, Soul.
01:53:32.000 Also, a lot of the bars out there, the names of them in English are very on the nose.
01:53:40.000 It's a hip-hop club.
01:53:41.000 Alright, it's Club Harlem.
01:53:43.000 Shit like that.
01:53:45.000 Oh, the club that plays Soul.
01:53:47.000 Oh, let's call it Ebony.
01:53:48.000 Shit like really on the nose.
01:53:51.000 So we go to Jazz Blues.
01:53:52.000 So if you're ever in Tokyo, check it out.
01:53:54.000 It's a small bar.
01:53:57.000 I don't know the owner's name, but it's full of vinyl records and you can just request.
01:54:02.000 He has all types of vinyl records.
01:54:04.000 Is it a lot of Japanese people there or Americans?
01:54:07.000 It was some Japanese people, but it was in Tokyo at this bar.
01:54:12.000 In Tokyo.
01:54:12.000 In Tokyo, it's some, but you don't see a lot.
01:54:17.000 But the bar?
01:54:17.000 But the bar itself, it only holds 10, 15. It's a small spot.
01:54:22.000 10 or 15 people?
01:54:23.000 If that.
01:54:23.000 Yeah, packed.
01:54:24.000 Wow.
01:54:25.000 10, 15. It'll be packed with 20-something.
01:54:27.000 So it's this room?
01:54:27.000 Yeah.
01:54:28.000 It's this room?
01:54:29.000 Maybe.
01:54:30.000 It's smaller than this room.
01:54:31.000 Whoa.
01:54:32.000 So it's a nice little intimate spot.
01:54:33.000 Jamie, let's start a bar.
01:54:34.000 We can have a bar.
01:54:35.000 They also have this area called the Golden Guy, which is an area full of small bars that only hold four or five people, that are smaller than that place, like super small places.
01:54:49.000 So I'm at this bar.
01:54:50.000 The guy just knows the collection.
01:54:53.000 It's a wall full of vinyl, and then there's some behind the bar also.
01:54:58.000 So I was just like, what'd you want to hear?
01:55:02.000 I said, uh...
01:55:05.000 Stevie won the songs of the Key of Life.
01:55:08.000 And he just walks right up to the spot.
01:55:10.000 I mean, it's obviously Stevie, but he just walks up to a bunch of records.
01:55:14.000 He didn't even flip through none or nothing.
01:55:16.000 He just knew exactly what it was.
01:55:18.000 He just went, boop, grabbed it, put it on there.
01:55:21.000 So we're hanging out.
01:55:23.000 And it was just, I'm with a girl that was half Japanese, half white, but she knew Japanese and English.
01:55:29.000 And she saw a friend there, so they started talking in Japanese.
01:55:32.000 There's this white chick there that's super drunk, like blush on her eyes, is all fucked up and weird.
01:55:40.000 Like she had that stereotypical, like she looks central casting drunk, you know what I mean?
01:55:46.000 Like she was going to an audition to be a drunk lady right after she was at the bar.
01:55:52.000 So they start talking in Japanese.
01:55:55.000 She talked to me a little bit.
01:55:56.000 I found out she lives in the same neighborhood that I do, Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
01:56:00.000 They start talking in Japanese.
01:56:02.000 She's like, you know what they're saying?
01:56:03.000 I'm like, nah, she's just being played.
01:56:04.000 And then she says, is this your wife?
01:56:06.000 I said, no, that's not my wife.
01:56:08.000 She said, is that your wife?
01:56:09.000 I said, no, it's not my wife.
01:56:11.000 She's like, it's not your wife?
01:56:12.000 I was like...
01:56:14.000 Why'd you just ask me the same thing three times in a row?
01:56:18.000 Because she just asked me.
01:56:20.000 I guess she was that faded.
01:56:22.000 Her face turns.
01:56:24.000 And I just see her getting upset.
01:56:28.000 She starts flipping out like, fuck!
01:56:30.000 Fuck you.
01:56:31.000 You don't have to be disrespectful.
01:56:33.000 No.
01:56:34.000 Fuck him.
01:56:35.000 He thinks because he's with a Japanese girl.
01:56:38.000 He's well-started.
01:56:40.000 You think you're some cool comedian.
01:56:44.000 So then it revealed that she knew.
01:56:46.000 I didn't tell her who I was.
01:56:48.000 I didn't say my job or anything to her.
01:56:50.000 So she knew me, but she didn't show the...
01:56:52.000 So now she is in a different...
01:56:55.000 She's just super upset.
01:56:57.000 Fuck you.
01:56:58.000 You came all the way over here.
01:56:59.000 You're doing...
01:57:00.000 And then she started getting raised.
01:57:02.000 She's like, he's a monkey.
01:57:05.000 He's a monkey.
01:57:06.000 I'm like, yo, this is great.
01:57:07.000 Am I being called a monkey by a white woman from Williamsburg in Tokyo right now?
01:57:15.000 What the fuck is happening?
01:57:17.000 Wow, you should take pictures of her, put it up all around Williamsburg.
01:57:21.000 Have you seen this dummy?
01:57:24.000 I should have.
01:57:25.000 I thought about starting to film her, but it was just so weird that she, for real, all I did objectively, I wasn't that fake, so I'd have a clear recall of the situation.
01:57:36.000 I only just said...
01:57:39.000 You just asked me if this is my wife three times.
01:57:41.000 I told you no the first two times.
01:57:44.000 She just went off tilt.
01:57:47.000 It was one of the weirdest things.
01:57:49.000 Well, there's a weird thing that happens sometimes when someone's famous like you and they're not, where they feel like it's possible that you think you're cool because you're famous, like you think you're better than them.
01:58:03.000 So they look for any little thing, any little thing.
01:58:06.000 Oh, you think you're too good?
01:58:07.000 They're looking for that thing.
01:58:08.000 You think you're too good to listen to me repeat myself?
01:58:12.000 I've listened to it, but I'll tell you that you're doing it.
01:58:16.000 It was so weird, man.
01:58:20.000 Alcoholism.
01:58:21.000 When someone's that blasted, who knows what's going on in their mind.
01:58:25.000 She definitely was...
01:58:26.000 I could tell she was...
01:58:29.000 Because when she started getting raised, it didn't affect me, but I could tell she was...
01:58:32.000 I accidentally hurt her feelings, but she was trying to hurt you.
01:58:36.000 She was trying to hurt me.
01:58:37.000 And I could see she was almost on the verge of tears when all I said was, stop saying the same thing over and over.
01:58:44.000 Which I would say to anybody, if I said that to one of my buddies, they'd be like, oh shit, I'm fucked up.
01:58:48.000 You know what I mean?
01:58:49.000 Right, but if you don't know someone and you say that to them, especially if they're dumb and no one calls them out on their stupidity, it can be devastating.
01:58:56.000 Yeah.
01:58:57.000 You know, sometimes people do have that sort of thing, though, when they meet you, like, that's that guy from TV. I've seen him on Comedy Central.
01:59:03.000 That's Hannibal.
01:59:04.000 I just want to go over and talk to him.
01:59:05.000 Hey, how you doing?
01:59:07.000 We were talking, and it was fine, but when she got into repetitive mode, it was just weird.
01:59:13.000 She couldn't handle you checking her.
01:59:15.000 I don't know.
01:59:15.000 Checked her too hard.
01:59:17.000 Well, it was a soft check.
01:59:19.000 It was light work, man.
01:59:20.000 Light work!
01:59:21.000 Light work!
01:59:22.000 But I do find that sometimes where even...
01:59:27.000 I'll joke around with people too harsh.
01:59:30.000 It's like a fighter...
01:59:36.000 You know sparring with something like it's not the same like you can't act the same when you can but if people don't know you Then it's just it could they can be kind of taken aback and throw it off because it's like oh this dude's an asshole It's like no that's just how I talk with people Well,
01:59:53.000 also, you're a New York comic, or you're a comic that lives in New York.
01:59:56.000 And New York, in particular, is a fun place to be a comic.
02:00:00.000 Fun place to interact with other comics.
02:00:02.000 But, like, people are fucking ruthless to each other.
02:00:05.000 Yeah.
02:00:05.000 But for fun.
02:00:06.000 Like, what did I just tell you, bitch?
02:00:08.000 And you would start, ah!
02:00:09.000 We would laugh.
02:00:10.000 But if you said that to someone in real life that's, like, super sensitive, like, what did I just tell you, bitch?
02:00:16.000 They'd be like, you don't have to call me bitch, man.
02:00:17.000 What kind of a fucking piece of shit are you, man?
02:00:19.000 You think just because you're on Comedy Central you can call me bitch?
02:00:21.000 Yeah, like even comics at the cellar or Keith Robertson and a couple other people, like, hey, what's up, stupid?
02:00:28.000 And then stupid over here says this, and that's how you talk about it.
02:00:32.000 It's just like, oh, this idiot.
02:00:34.000 Like, hey, stupid, you got a set tonight?
02:00:37.000 Stupid?
02:00:38.000 You just send that in a text, and it's just, no, it's done with love, you know?
02:00:42.000 Yeah, it's done with love, and that's something maybe we understand that other people don't.
02:00:47.000 I did a theater in Miami, and Wanda, Wanda Sykes, and Keith Robinson were doing the early show, and I was doing the late show.
02:00:56.000 Fillmore?
02:00:57.000 I think it might have been the Fillmore.
02:00:59.000 I don't remember what theater it was.
02:01:01.000 But anyway, when I got there, I said bye to them.
02:01:04.000 They were leaving.
02:01:05.000 And then I got to my dressing room, and there was two napkins that they left.
02:01:09.000 Wanda left a napkin.
02:01:10.000 I hope you have a great show, Joe.
02:01:12.000 You know, kill them, Wanda.
02:01:14.000 And then Keith Robinson wrote, I hope you bomb harder than you ever have in your life, your friend Keith.
02:01:22.000 I saved it, and I took a picture of it, and I put it online.
02:01:25.000 To me, it was funny.
02:01:27.000 But if someone's fucking real sensitive, and they see something like that, they'd be like, well, what the fuck, Keith?
02:01:32.000 I haven't seen you in 10 years, man.
02:01:34.000 This is the shit you leave me?
02:01:36.000 But it was warm.
02:01:38.000 For me, I felt good that he took the time to do that.
02:01:42.000 It felt good to me.
02:01:44.000 But he's great at that.
02:01:45.000 But that's that whole New York style of comedy.
02:01:49.000 It's a very different style than LA comics.
02:01:52.000 LA comics is not that sort of...
02:01:55.000 There's only a handful that I know well that I'm close with like that.
02:02:03.000 It's different.
02:02:04.000 It is different.
02:02:05.000 Yeah.
02:02:06.000 Well, New York's a harsher environment.
02:02:08.000 I did have a situation where somebody joked with me.
02:02:11.000 It was a very specific situation where somebody joked with me, and I haven't talked to that person for five years because of that joke.
02:02:20.000 Damn.
02:02:21.000 You don't have to say their name, but what'd they say?
02:02:23.000 No, I won't say their name.
02:02:27.000 When I was in South Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina, 2011?
02:02:36.000 2010, 2011. The day before my birthday, a few years ago, I was out there doing some shows with Aziz, and I was hanging out at bars, hanging out with a couple girls,
02:02:53.000 hop in the car with them to go back to wherever the fuck.
02:02:57.000 And then...
02:03:01.000 Wake up in a stretcher.
02:03:02.000 We got in a car accident and shit.
02:03:03.000 Oh, shit.
02:03:04.000 Yeah.
02:03:04.000 This is where I got this scar from.
02:03:07.000 So I had my skull fractured.
02:03:09.000 I had a few stitches right here.
02:03:10.000 Whoa.
02:03:11.000 It's like the day before my birthday.
02:03:13.000 The way it was my birthday.
02:03:14.000 You woke up on a stretcher.
02:03:15.000 I woke up.
02:03:16.000 What happened?
02:03:16.000 I don't remember like...
02:03:18.000 Or I don't remember...
02:03:19.000 I just woke up...
02:03:21.000 Whoa.
02:03:23.000 ...in the hospital.
02:03:24.000 And, uh...
02:03:25.000 So, uh...
02:03:28.000 Uh...
02:03:30.000 So I'm in the hospital.
02:03:32.000 I tweeted out a photo of my fucked up ass face.
02:03:37.000 And to go back, a few years ago, it was a comic friend of mine.
02:03:44.000 I got tickets to see the Clippers or the Lakers.
02:03:49.000 And I invited him.
02:03:50.000 I picked him up in my rental car out here.
02:03:53.000 And I wasn't wearing my seatbelt.
02:03:54.000 And he was like, uh, you're not going to wear your seatbelt?
02:03:56.000 And we have back and forth.
02:03:58.000 I was like, nah, I'm not wearing my seatbelt.
02:03:59.000 Sometimes I don't wear my seatbelt, whatever.
02:04:01.000 And so I'm laid up.
02:04:02.000 After I posted this, I'm laid up in the hospital with my skull fractured.
02:04:06.000 And then this motherfucker, I hadn't even been talking to him that much around this time.
02:04:11.000 And I get a text, bet you're going to wear your seatbelt now.
02:04:16.000 And I was like, what the fuck?
02:04:21.000 But I didn't think that was the right time.
02:04:23.000 My skull was fractured and I hadn't heard of him in months.
02:04:26.000 But I don't think he meant...
02:04:27.000 I don't think he meant it maliciously, but I think it was a bit tone deaf.
02:04:32.000 What do you think?
02:04:33.000 Depends on who it is.
02:04:34.000 Like, if it was a good friend.
02:04:36.000 Like, if I got in a car accident and, like, Ari, Ari Shafir, if he did that, I would laugh.
02:04:42.000 Right.
02:04:43.000 Because he's such a close friend that he can't really do anything...
02:04:48.000 That would hurt me.
02:04:49.000 You know what I mean?
02:04:50.000 Right.
02:04:51.000 But I think it was based off of...
02:04:53.000 He was holding on to this seatbelt argument from a couple years ago.
02:04:58.000 Oh, so you guys had like a real disagreement?
02:05:00.000 I don't think it was a real...
02:05:01.000 It might have been real on it, but it was just me being more like, ah, fuck a seatbelt.
02:05:05.000 You must not have liked that dude.
02:05:07.000 Because if you really liked him, you'd laugh.
02:05:09.000 Like if it was Keith Robinson, wouldn't you laugh?
02:05:14.000 I mean...
02:05:15.000 That's like his style.
02:05:15.000 Like, that's something he'd say.
02:05:17.000 Bet you wear your seatbelt now, dummy.
02:05:19.000 Like, he would say...
02:05:19.000 You'd probably laugh if you saw that.
02:05:22.000 Man, it depends on how bad you're hurt, too.
02:05:24.000 When you're hurt, you're not feeling any jokes.
02:05:26.000 Your fucking head's pounding.
02:05:27.000 You got a fractured skull.
02:05:29.000 I'm in the hospital.
02:05:30.000 Yeah.
02:05:31.000 Fractured skull.
02:05:32.000 Doped up.
02:05:32.000 It's my birthday now.
02:05:35.000 I don't know.
02:05:36.000 I didn't like that joke.
02:05:40.000 I was talking about it with a mutual friend, and I think I might try to bury the hatchet soon.
02:05:47.000 Five years later.
02:05:48.000 Hey man, listen, it takes some time.
02:05:50.000 It does.
02:05:51.000 I'm a stubborn person.
02:05:52.000 But, yeah.
02:05:54.000 Well, I understand.
02:05:55.000 Certain people can joke with you.
02:05:58.000 Like, someone maybe will hear you and Keith or someone like that joke around like that, and then they'll see you at a club, and they'll say some stupid shit to you, and they'll think it's funny.
02:06:08.000 Yeah.
02:06:08.000 Because they think they can get away with things like that, but they're not in with you.
02:06:13.000 Right.
02:06:13.000 You know?
02:06:14.000 So it's like, hey, man, fucking settle down.
02:06:18.000 I think it was because I hadn't even talked with that person for months and months, and it didn't even lead with a, you good, man?
02:06:27.000 Then the joke, it was just out of nowhere, the joke, and the last text was like six months prior.
02:06:34.000 Do you think that person is funny?
02:06:37.000 Yeah.
02:06:38.000 Real funny?
02:06:39.000 I think they're talented, yes.
02:06:41.000 Okay.
02:06:41.000 Yeah.
02:06:42.000 You don't like them as a person, maybe?
02:06:46.000 Annoying?
02:06:46.000 Slightly?
02:06:47.000 I haven't hung with them in years.
02:06:53.000 But, yeah.
02:06:54.000 I don't know.
02:06:55.000 There's time and a place for everything.
02:06:58.000 Yeah.
02:06:59.000 Laid up in the hospital is different.
02:07:03.000 It really depends on who it is, man.
02:07:05.000 It just depends on some...
02:07:06.000 That's one of those fine lines where the right person can send you that and you'll be laughing your ass off.
02:07:10.000 But the wrong person can send you that and you'll be like, fuck this dude.
02:07:13.000 I'm not talking to this guy anymore.
02:07:16.000 I don't think...
02:07:17.000 You think anybody sending you that, you'd be upset?
02:07:21.000 Like if Byron Bauer sent you that, you'd be upset?
02:07:25.000 I think in that situation, I'd be upset.
02:07:29.000 Maybe afterwards, talking shit.
02:07:32.000 Maybe talking, I guess, context.
02:07:35.000 You know what I mean?
02:07:35.000 Yeah.
02:07:36.000 I talked one time about...
02:07:38.000 One time I got a tweet.
02:07:43.000 I was like, I don't know why I checked my Twitter right before bed.
02:07:45.000 This one time, it was me and my girl.
02:07:47.000 We're about to crash out.
02:07:49.000 And I... I checked my Twitter, and it was like, hey, good show at the Comedy Cellar.
02:07:53.000 You got fat, though.
02:07:55.000 And I was like, what the fuck?
02:07:57.000 Right before I'm about to fucking fuck my girlfriend, I get...
02:08:03.000 You got fat.
02:08:04.000 If I was at the bar and I just happened to check, I was like, oh, you got fat.
02:08:08.000 I was like, ah, fuck off.
02:08:09.000 But right before bed, I'm like, oh, man, this is rough timing for that.
02:08:14.000 So I think it is timing and shit.
02:08:15.000 Timing is everything.
02:08:17.000 I don't think they meant it in malicious way, but that shit was like, really?
02:08:21.000 I'm drugged up in a hospital bed in South Carolina, of all places.
02:08:28.000 Oh, another detail that happened...
02:08:32.000 Because this is, it was coming into my 29th birthday, so I think it was 2012 or 2011. Anyways, so Aziz finds out, he comes to the hospital, and so he's there,
02:08:48.000 and so there's nurses and shit, like, holy shit, Aziz, I'm sorry!
02:08:53.000 And he's like, can you chill out, my friend?
02:08:56.000 And people are like, can I take a picture with you?
02:08:58.000 I love your work.
02:08:59.000 It's like, you need to worry about this work right here, this TV show, the Hannibal Buress just got his shit smashed in show, where people, they were legitimately, Fanning out over Aziz over my hospital bed.
02:09:14.000 It was super unprofessional.
02:09:16.000 Yeah, that's not nice.
02:09:19.000 How fucked up were you?
02:09:22.000 Did they have you in one of those halos?
02:09:25.000 Did they have your head?
02:09:25.000 Not in a halo, but I was fucked up.
02:09:30.000 My forehead, I had a few stitches here.
02:09:34.000 Still got the scar from that.
02:09:37.000 Your skull was fractured?
02:09:39.000 Skull was fractured right here.
02:09:41.000 I think it was because I was wearing glasses and the glasses went into here.
02:09:46.000 Whoa.
02:09:47.000 How bad is a fracture?
02:09:49.000 Did they have to do anything?
02:09:50.000 No, it was just like a just let it heal on its own type of fracture.
02:09:55.000 They don't put a cast on your head?
02:09:56.000 Yeah, they can't put it.
02:09:57.000 Can they?
02:09:58.000 Probably if you want to pay for that.
02:10:04.000 We want to pay extra to give up an Iron Man cast.
02:10:07.000 So yeah, we had to push back production on...
02:10:11.000 I think that was going into first season of Eric Andre's show.
02:10:15.000 So we had to push back production because my face was all fucked up.
02:10:19.000 Wow.
02:10:19.000 Yeah, it was...
02:10:20.000 That's pretty gnarly, waking up on a stretcher.
02:10:22.000 Yeah.
02:10:23.000 That's got to be a bizarre feeling.
02:10:25.000 It was...
02:10:26.000 Yeah, I don't remember.
02:10:27.000 Do you think about that when you get in cars now?
02:10:29.000 Like, when you get in cars, do you think...
02:10:30.000 I mean, that's a pretty significant...
02:10:33.000 I don't think, I don't really, it didn't, no, I don't think about, occasionally, but I don't think about it that much.
02:10:38.000 What happened?
02:10:38.000 Who caused the accident?
02:10:40.000 I couldn't tell you, man.
02:10:41.000 Wow.
02:10:41.000 I couldn't tell you.
02:10:42.000 I couldn't even, no, I don't know.
02:10:45.000 Wow.
02:10:46.000 Missing, just a missing chunk of time.
02:10:48.000 Just a missing chunk of time.
02:10:50.000 Fucking head injuries.
02:10:52.000 There's no, there's no fun.
02:10:53.000 Yeah.
02:10:54.000 That's scary shit.
02:10:56.000 Yeah.
02:10:57.000 You can bury the hatchet with your friend.
02:10:58.000 I think so.
02:10:59.000 I've been growing up lately.
02:11:01.000 You're growing up?
02:11:02.000 Growing up, man.
02:11:03.000 Trying to be nicer, more positive.
02:11:08.000 Yeah.
02:11:08.000 That's one thing about being more recognizable is that it gives me constant opportunities to work on my social skills.
02:11:19.000 Yeah.
02:11:22.000 That's funny.
02:11:22.000 So I'm like, oh, I fucked it up with that person.
02:11:25.000 That was weird.
02:11:25.000 So let me...
02:11:26.000 What did I learn?
02:11:27.000 All right.
02:11:28.000 Give people more energy.
02:11:30.000 Be positive to people.
02:11:32.000 It can help them out.
02:11:33.000 Well, also, it takes a little time to recognize that they're going to have a different feeling about you than you have about them.
02:11:40.000 To them, you're...
02:11:41.000 To you, they're a person that you've never met.
02:11:44.000 But to them, meeting you, it's weighted.
02:11:47.000 There's a lot of weight to it, a lot of gravity to the moment.
02:11:50.000 And sometimes people just get overwhelmed by it, and they fuck up and stumble.
02:11:54.000 And then they call you a monkey and scream at you.
02:11:56.000 Yeah.
02:11:58.000 Fucking crazy bitch.
02:11:59.000 One thing I stopped doing is I stopped correcting people that call me by character names.
02:12:03.000 Oh.
02:12:04.000 I used to do that.
02:12:05.000 I used to be that dude.
02:12:06.000 I used to be.
02:12:07.000 Because I do the show Broad City.
02:12:09.000 That's probably my most popular character.
02:12:12.000 And people will say...
02:12:15.000 Lincoln!
02:12:15.000 Hey, Lincoln!
02:12:17.000 And I used to be like, no, Lincoln is a character that I play.
02:12:20.000 My name is Hannibal.
02:12:21.000 I used to be like that.
02:12:23.000 Right.
02:12:23.000 And now I'm just like, fuck it.
02:12:24.000 Lincoln it is.
02:12:25.000 Just say hi.
02:12:26.000 Hey, yeah.
02:12:27.000 What's up?
02:12:28.000 Yep, it's Lincoln.
02:12:29.000 How you doing?
02:12:29.000 How you doing?
02:12:29.000 Yeah.
02:12:31.000 It's tricky, man.
02:12:32.000 The learning how to navigate the waters of people knowing you and you don't know them.
02:12:38.000 And then also alcohol.
02:12:39.000 You know, you're out and they recognize you and they're drunk.
02:12:42.000 I remember I met this fucking goddammit, this guy's been in a million movies.
02:12:47.000 I'm trying to remember his name.
02:12:49.000 But I met him once.
02:12:51.000 It's probably good that I don't say his name.
02:12:52.000 I don't remember his name.
02:12:53.000 But I met him at one of those, you know, they have those press junket things they do where they have, like, NBC has, like, all their talent and all their producers.
02:13:03.000 TCA's?
02:13:03.000 Yeah, one of those fucking things.
02:13:05.000 And reporters are wandering around.
02:13:06.000 They interview people while you're drinking.
02:13:08.000 Yeah, they do it in Pasadena?
02:13:10.000 Or no?
02:13:10.000 Yes.
02:13:11.000 It was in Pasadena.
02:13:12.000 Yeah.
02:13:12.000 And I was going on the hallway to the bathroom, and I ran into this dude, and I've seen him in a hundred movies and everything like that, and I was like, what's up, man?
02:13:20.000 You're doing it?
02:13:20.000 What are you doing here, man?
02:13:22.000 And I remember he was like, yeah, I'm working.
02:13:26.000 And he walked by me, and I was like, oh my god, I'm an idiot.
02:13:29.000 I just dorked out.
02:13:33.000 Drunk.
02:13:33.000 And, you know, and he didn't respond the way I thought he was going to.
02:13:37.000 He responded like, I'm a drunk dork.
02:13:40.000 Yeah.
02:13:40.000 And that was the right way to do it.
02:13:42.000 But I remember thinking, man, I got to be aware if someone ever does that to me.
02:13:46.000 Right.
02:13:47.000 Because there's a feeling when you see somebody that's been in movies before and you're like, I fucking am!
02:13:51.000 You're that guy!
02:13:53.000 And, you know, it's just a lesson.
02:13:57.000 No, definitely.
02:13:58.000 I try to, you know, Be more appreciative and less dismissive, you know?
02:14:05.000 It's part of being a comic, too, is that there's this constant mocking thing going on.
02:14:10.000 Yeah.
02:14:11.000 But you do have to turn it off sometimes.
02:14:15.000 Or at least, if not turn it off, turn it down to...
02:14:21.000 To two.
02:14:21.000 To two for 10. Just a mild.
02:14:23.000 Mild friendly.
02:14:24.000 Yeah.
02:14:25.000 Life lessons with Hannibal Buress, ladies and gentlemen.
02:14:27.000 I gotta wrap this bitch up.
02:14:29.000 Bring it home.
02:14:30.000 What do you got going on, man?
02:14:31.000 Anything you're promoting?
02:14:32.000 Netflix special.
02:14:33.000 Oh, shit.
02:14:34.000 Comedy.
02:14:35.000 Commisado.
02:14:36.000 On February.
02:14:36.000 February 5th.
02:14:38.000 What does commisado mean?
02:14:39.000 Commisado means a military attack that occurs at night.
02:14:43.000 Oh.
02:14:44.000 Yeah.
02:14:44.000 Interesting.
02:14:45.000 Where'd you film this?
02:14:46.000 I filmed it in Minneapolis at the Varsity Theater.
02:14:50.000 How is that place?
02:14:52.000 This place is great.
02:14:52.000 It holds about 500, 600 people.
02:14:55.000 Ooh, that's a good size.
02:14:57.000 Yeah.
02:14:57.000 How high is the ceiling?
02:14:59.000 I don't have those dimensions.
02:15:00.000 But is it high?
02:15:01.000 Is it a high ceiling?
02:15:02.000 It's alright.
02:15:03.000 It was alright.
02:15:04.000 This is my sweatiest special by far.
02:15:06.000 I was super sweaty, so people are going to think I was working hard.
02:15:09.000 Oh, that's a good size, though.
02:15:10.000 500 seats is a good size.
02:15:12.000 Yeah, I did, because I wanted to kind of, instead of doing just two shows, I did six shows total.
02:15:18.000 Oh.
02:15:19.000 Just to get comfortable in the venue.
02:15:21.000 That's smart.
02:15:22.000 And then film the last two.
02:15:24.000 So I was there Wednesday, Thursday, Friday in Minneapolis.
02:15:30.000 And it was just, then by the end of the week, it felt like a, you know, just a club gig.
02:15:35.000 Right, right, right.
02:15:36.000 In a bigger spot, in a club gig, but it was, it was loose, not loose, but it was just, it was fun.
02:15:43.000 Weird thing is that I think most times, well, at least in my experience, the second show is usually the better show.
02:15:53.000 This one, the first show...
02:15:55.000 Knocked it out of the park, and then the second show was weird.
02:16:00.000 We probably only used two or three minutes From the second show.
02:16:06.000 Really?
02:16:06.000 And everything else is from the first show.
02:16:08.000 Wow.
02:16:09.000 Yeah.
02:16:09.000 But it was good, and I'm excited about it.
02:16:12.000 Excited that the other two specials, Live from Chicago, Animal Friends, will be on Netflix also.
02:16:16.000 And, yeah, man.
02:16:18.000 Thanks for having me again.
02:16:19.000 Anytime, brother.
02:16:20.000 Anytime.
02:16:20.000 This was fun.
02:16:21.000 Always.
02:16:21.000 Anytime.
02:16:22.000 You've got an open invitation.
02:16:23.000 Just holler at me and come on by.
02:16:25.000 If I've got another guest, you can sit in and talk shit in the background.
02:16:28.000 Do whatever the fuck you want, man.
02:16:29.000 You're Hannibal Buress.
02:16:30.000 All right, ladies and gentlemen, that's it.
02:16:32.000 That's it for the whole fucking week.
02:16:34.000 It's over, bitches.
02:16:35.000 We'll be back next week.
02:16:37.000 A lot of entertaining guests.
02:16:39.000 I'll fill you in with details later, but I got some good guests next week.
02:16:42.000 All right!
02:16:43.000 See ya.
02:16:43.000 Bye-bye.