The Joe Rogan Experience - February 03, 2016


Joe Rogan Experience #755 - Daniele Bolelli


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 21 minutes

Words per Minute

194.385

Word Count

27,499

Sentence Count

2,704

Misogynist Sentences

169


Summary

Daniele Bellelli ( ) joins me to talk about his love of Conan the Barbarian t-shirt, the new Game of Thrones movie, and why you should be thankful you don't have to grow up in a house with a Frank Frazetta shirt. We also talk about the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy, and a bunch of other stuff that's not related to the movie. We hope you enjoy this episode, and remember that we're always open to suggestions for new segments and guests! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. All rights reserved. Used by permission. The opinions stated here are our own, not those of our companies, unless otherwise stated. We do not own the rights to any music used in this episode. This episode was produced and produced by our patrons and is not in any way affiliated with any of our labels. Thank you so much for all your support, support, and well-wishes! We really appreciate it. -Jon Sorrentino -The Best Fiends - The Good Fight Crew - Thank you for all the support we've gotten so far this year, and we look forward to seeing you all in 2020! -Podcasts is a production of Gimlet Media. Please rate, review, review and subscribe to the podcast, and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts and other podcasting platforms. Thank you and review us on Anchor.com/The Good Fight Clubhouse and we'll be looking out for you in the next episode of Good Fight Podcasts, and all the good vibes we're sending you out to you! Thanks for your support and support you're amazing people! -- we love you, we really appreciate you. -- Thank you, thank you, you're awesome, we're grateful, we appreciate you, good vibing, we'll see you, bye, good night, good day, good days, bye bye, bye. XOXO, bye Bye Bye, bye! -Jon and Daniele - Kristy, Jake, Sarah, Cheers, Rachie, JUICY, Jaxon, Jack, Cheyenne, etc., etc., -Jaxon & Korte, EJ & Jack, AJY, etc. -JACOB, JACOBY,


Transcript

00:00:15.000 Yee-haw!
00:00:17.000 I'm here with my brother, Daniele Bellelli, one of the few men who can pull off a yin-yang bandana like some renegade biker on an episode of Grey's Anatomy.
00:00:27.000 Look at that fucking thing.
00:00:30.000 But you fucking bounce it out with a Frank Frazetta, Conan the Barbarian t-shirt.
00:00:35.000 That shirt is the shit.
00:00:36.000 Where'd you pick that up?
00:00:37.000 Ah, man, I was looking all over the place for it.
00:00:40.000 And I found it through some...
00:00:41.000 They probably had it from, like, some old comic book store a million years ago, and I picked it up.
00:00:46.000 That's a dope shirt.
00:00:47.000 I might have to hide that one from my wife, because she'd probably try to throw it out.
00:00:50.000 Why?
00:00:51.000 I don't know.
00:00:51.000 You know how women are, man.
00:00:53.000 Come on.
00:00:54.000 This contains everything that's good in life.
00:00:56.000 Maybe it's time to grow up.
00:00:57.000 Maybe you shouldn't have a comic book guy on your shirt.
00:00:59.000 It's not a fucking comic book.
00:01:01.000 It's a novel.
00:01:03.000 Robert E. Howard wrote a series of novels.
00:01:05.000 It's about Conan the Barbarian.
00:01:07.000 People don't know.
00:01:08.000 That's like my entire life philosophy is based on Conan the Barbarian.
00:01:12.000 Everything else is commentary.
00:01:14.000 You can get in trouble for that kind of philosophy, sir.
00:01:18.000 I don't understand.
00:01:20.000 But Krom's a good god.
00:01:21.000 Krom is an excellent god.
00:01:23.000 Because he doesn't give a fuck.
00:01:24.000 He's not here to help you.
00:01:25.000 Nope.
00:01:26.000 Not going to save you.
00:01:27.000 So it's very, that's the beauty of the colored thing.
00:01:29.000 It's very real.
00:01:30.000 You know, it's like, hey, life is tough.
00:01:32.000 Deal the fuck with it, because that's the way it's going to be.
00:01:35.000 Yeah, there are horrible things that can happen.
00:01:37.000 Yeah, there's no guarantees about the afterlife.
00:01:40.000 Yeah, all of that.
00:01:41.000 But hey, in the meantime, there are women, there's red wine, there's enemies to be killed.
00:01:45.000 What more do you want?
00:01:46.000 Probably parasites, all sorts of weird diseases nobody's ever diagnosed yet.
00:01:50.000 Yeah, that pirate is the last pleasant one.
00:01:52.000 You're lucky you lived to 30. It's kind of amazing when they keep finding these new species of people.
00:01:59.000 They had this article yesterday where they've examined the teeth of the hobbit people on the island of Flores.
00:02:07.000 And so now they're 99.9% positive.
00:02:11.000 It's 100% positive.
00:02:12.000 Not 99.9% positive, it's 100%, but 99.9% positive that it's a completely different species of human being.
00:02:20.000 They found the teeth of these things.
00:02:22.000 And you gotta think, like, that's only like 14,000 years ago, you know?
00:02:27.000 And we don't even remember those things.
00:02:30.000 They've sort of become like this weird little legend.
00:02:33.000 Like, how many different versions of people were out there?
00:02:36.000 Now, what a hard, scrabble life it must have been.
00:02:40.000 Extinction is the name of the game.
00:02:41.000 I mean, when you think about it, the overwhelming majority of species that have ever been around, they've all gone extinct.
00:02:47.000 Yeah, more than 90%, right?
00:02:48.000 Yeah, that's my point.
00:02:52.000 Conan is the truth.
00:02:53.000 Yeah, with bear claws around his neck.
00:02:56.000 That's a fucking awesome picture.
00:02:57.000 Yeah, that's why I have it in my house as a poster.
00:03:01.000 I'm madly obsessed.
00:03:02.000 I have a bunch of his old books for Zeta's old books, like sketchbooks and books that are collections of his paintings.
00:03:10.000 God, that kind of art that he did was just so indicative of that time.
00:03:14.000 It's like so 1970s fantasy art, you know?
00:03:18.000 Sigh.
00:03:20.000 Those days, man.
00:03:21.000 You know what?
00:03:22.000 No one has really captured it correctly in a movie.
00:03:24.000 They just have not done it right.
00:03:26.000 You didn't dig the first one?
00:03:27.000 Nah.
00:03:28.000 Nah?
00:03:29.000 You didn't like that one?
00:03:29.000 It was fun.
00:03:30.000 It was campy.
00:03:31.000 But it was more like the comic book than it was like the books.
00:03:34.000 I think Jason Momoa was the best version of Conan physically.
00:03:38.000 Sure.
00:03:39.000 The way he looked.
00:03:39.000 Just the screenwriting was...
00:03:41.000 Dog shit.
00:03:43.000 That was painful.
00:03:43.000 That movie was dog shit.
00:03:45.000 Yeah.
00:03:47.000 But that guy's awesome.
00:03:48.000 I love that Jason Momoa guy.
00:03:49.000 Oh, he's great.
00:03:50.000 In Game of Thrones, he was a kickass.
00:03:52.000 He seemed like the most likely Conan.
00:03:55.000 Might have to get him on the juice, though.
00:03:57.000 Well, there's that too.
00:03:58.000 Might have to get him on some fucking heavy-duty powerlifting program.
00:04:02.000 Where he is ripped to.
00:04:04.000 Yeah, he's got to look a little more yoked.
00:04:07.000 Because Conan was just supposedly ridiculously impressive as a person.
00:04:11.000 And in fact, when they put Arnold as the first one, that sets the bar pretty high right away.
00:04:17.000 But Arnold was built incorrectly.
00:04:21.000 He had all these unnecessary muscles, like big titty muscles.
00:04:24.000 You need a guy who's built more like Yoel Romero.
00:04:28.000 Like a barbarian Yoel Romero with a sword.
00:04:32.000 It was basically me, just exactly like me.
00:04:35.000 I was going to say that, but you're here, and I don't want you to feel embarrassed.
00:04:39.000 It's okay.
00:04:39.000 It's okay.
00:04:40.000 I can accept compliments.
00:04:41.000 It's fine.
00:04:42.000 So tell me about your book, man, Not Afraid, on fear, heartbreak, raising a baby girl, and cage fighting.
00:04:49.000 That's an unusual combination of things.
00:04:52.000 Well, that's what makes it interesting.
00:04:54.000 To me, all the stuff I've written so far was kind of more philosophical in nature.
00:05:00.000 This is a bit more personal.
00:05:02.000 This is very much my life.
00:05:05.000 It's sort of divided up in three parts.
00:05:08.000 The first part is about dealing with fear in martial arts, and it's kind of like my experience of constantly Testing the boundaries, getting crushed, try again, find a way to make it, deal with that scaring feeling of when you have somebody coming at you who has been training for the last few years and wants to take your head off and you're like,
00:05:26.000 shit, this is a little intimidating.
00:05:28.000 There's all the pressure, people watching you, the idea of getting physically, if you fuck up, getting physically dominated by another man, which is never a fun feeling, that kind of shit.
00:05:37.000 And so that's that part.
00:05:39.000 But then to me, that part just serves as a Springboard for the other stuff, which is, well, that's great when you're on the mat, when you're in the cage for that stuff, but what about the rest of life?
00:05:49.000 And in this case, you know, part two deals with what happened with my wife, you know, very quick, uh, get a little sick and all of a sudden, what the fuck is going on?
00:05:58.000 Your body starts falling apart, diagnosis with brain tumor, dead within six months from the time the first symptom came up.
00:06:05.000 So it was really quick, really harsh and All the stuff that you may imagine like that.
00:06:11.000 And then the part three, sort of, okay, now what?
00:06:14.000 You know, what do I do with it now?
00:06:15.000 And life afterwards, when my wife died, my daughter was 19 months old, all this shit was happening, as you may imagine.
00:06:23.000 And so it's like...
00:06:25.000 In some way, these three elements kind of go together.
00:06:28.000 It's like the martial art part was sort of a warm-up in terms of learning some things that then I would have to apply on a much bigger, more important skill in day-to-day life.
00:06:38.000 And then, you know, when shit hits the fan, and then afterwards how that changes my attitude about things, my life overall.
00:06:45.000 And, you know, when I was talking with publishers, originally they wanted a nice, pretty arc where you start out as this scared wimp, And then you discover the secrets and then you come back and you're this fearless guy who will go through life without fear.
00:07:01.000 And that's bullshit.
00:07:02.000 I mean, I like to sell it that way that would sound cool, but I'm not in the business of bullshitting myself or anybody else.
00:07:10.000 The seven steps to getting rid of fear is not that stuff.
00:07:14.000 To me, my experience of dealing with fear is a fucking constant battle.
00:07:20.000 It's like you wake up one day and maybe you learn to deal with it 0.01% better and that's a win.
00:07:30.000 And then the next day it hits you again and you have to deal with it again.
00:07:33.000 For me in particular, afterwards what happened is the reality of realizing that everything is fleeting, everything can be taken away from you, everything you care about can go in the snap of a finger.
00:07:47.000 That really freaked me out.
00:07:48.000 It's one thing to know it intellectually.
00:07:50.000 It's one thing when it hits home for real.
00:07:53.000 And so once in a while, you know, I'll have my days when I'm totally fine.
00:07:56.000 I feel strong.
00:07:57.000 I feel great.
00:07:58.000 And then all of a sudden will hit me when the paralyzing thought of, man, everybody I love will die.
00:08:04.000 I have limited control of what's going to happen in my life.
00:08:08.000 Everything I care about can be taken away from me in a second.
00:08:12.000 Shit, welcome to your day.
00:08:13.000 Now, deal with the next 24 hours.
00:08:15.000 It's like, it's heavy.
00:08:16.000 And so dealing with that aspect, finding ways to, you know, and then I find a way to do it.
00:08:22.000 And then a month later, we'll hit you again.
00:08:25.000 And maybe because you found a way to do it before, it hits you a little less.
00:08:28.000 But don't you think that's everybody?
00:08:30.000 I mean, there's no one.
00:08:32.000 There's a false narrative.
00:08:33.000 That someone's figured out how to get rid of fear.
00:08:36.000 It doesn't exist.
00:08:37.000 Exactly.
00:08:37.000 If you have no fear, that means that you're not experiencing any danger or anything unknown, and somehow or another you're immortal.
00:08:45.000 Yep.
00:08:45.000 Because if you think about the consequences of death, you're going to get nervous.
00:08:49.000 You're going to get afraid.
00:08:50.000 If you're taking any sort of risks or chances, you're going to get nervous.
00:08:53.000 It's part of being a person.
00:08:55.000 It's part of what's fun about getting things done and succeeding is knowing all the mental roadblocks that are in place to keep you from being successful.
00:09:04.000 Big time.
00:09:04.000 And that's why I completely agree with you.
00:09:07.000 They affect everybody.
00:09:08.000 So to me, this is just, you know, this is my experience, but it's like, it's not that I have any illusion that A, I'm fighting battles that are unknown to other people.
00:09:16.000 Because the reality is that everybody has shit to deal with in their own lives.
00:09:20.000 Everybody has horrible things happen to them.
00:09:25.000 Horrible may vary from one person to the next.
00:09:27.000 You may be slightly luckier than the next guy, but the reality is that everybody deals with it.
00:09:31.000 So the question of how do you deal with it, what are the things that help you get the job done, and which ones...
00:09:38.000 That's one of the great things about martial arts is that dealing with the fear and the pressure and stress of training, it helps mitigate some of the pressures and stresses of everyday life.
00:09:48.000 That's exactly, that's why, you know, when I went to some publishers initially, they were like, ah, you know, hold your wife, life after, we got that part, but what the fuck does martial art have to do with it?
00:09:57.000 I'm like, this has everything to do with it, you know, because those are the same dynamics, but I get to train them in a safe space in a martial art contest, and then you apply them to the real game on the bigger scale in life.
00:10:07.000 And it's a controlled space in terms of it's going to happen at 8.30 on Tuesday night.
00:10:12.000 Exactly.
00:10:13.000 You get in there.
00:10:13.000 It's like you can prepare for it.
00:10:15.000 You eat for it.
00:10:16.000 You make sure you have your meal digested in your stomach before you get there.
00:10:20.000 You have a cup of coffee before you get to the gym.
00:10:22.000 You stretch out.
00:10:23.000 You prepare yourself.
00:10:24.000 And then you go through it.
00:10:25.000 But in doing that, it definitely helps.
00:10:28.000 I've had so many Twitter messages and Facebook messages.
00:10:32.000 People that I meet after shows that told me that they started jiu-jitsu after listening to this podcast and it changed their life and that it helps them so much to deal with pressure and now in pursuing a healthy lifestyle.
00:10:45.000 Even guys like Anthony Bourdain, who was in his 50s.
00:10:49.000 I believe he was 58 when he started jiu-jitsu.
00:10:51.000 58, Jesus.
00:10:53.000 57 or 58. He was a lifetime smoker, heroin user, pretty much abused everything, alcohol, everything.
00:11:03.000 Now is way more healthy.
00:11:07.000 I talked to him off statins, off of high blood pressure medication, lost 30 pounds just from training, eats healthy, still likes to party it up a little bit.
00:11:17.000 Smoking a little weed and get a little booze on.
00:11:20.000 But the guy looks great.
00:11:21.000 He looks great and he's obsessed with jujitsu and he loves it and it sort of transformed his life.
00:11:26.000 You know, his wife is a phenom.
00:11:27.000 Yeah, I saw it.
00:11:29.000 Octavia is a beast.
00:11:30.000 She trains every day.
00:11:31.000 I mean, she's essentially, I mean, that's her life.
00:11:34.000 Her life is training.
00:11:34.000 She loves it.
00:11:35.000 And it just got him.
00:11:37.000 It got him.
00:11:38.000 She said that she talked him into doing it by promising him narcotics.
00:11:42.000 Which is one of the most hilarious stories ever.
00:11:45.000 She said, like, if you come to train with me, I'll give you some Vicodin.
00:11:48.000 I was like, I'm in.
00:11:50.000 Nice.
00:11:52.000 Well, he's one of the few guys that has been a self-professed junkie.
00:11:58.000 But was not only able to kick it, but still would get high, still drink, and obviously doesn't have a problem.
00:12:04.000 He's very healthy.
00:12:05.000 Doesn't do anything when he's at home.
00:12:06.000 When he's on the road and he's filming a show and the filming's done, he'll have a few drinks or even while filming.
00:12:14.000 But it's not like he's got a problem.
00:12:16.000 He definitely doesn't have a problem.
00:12:18.000 I've hung out with him.
00:12:19.000 He's healthy.
00:12:20.000 That's as good as it gets.
00:12:21.000 You get to party without paying the price.
00:12:24.000 But it's amazing because everybody has this idea, or most people, that are in recovery that you can't do anything.
00:12:29.000 There's very few people I know that will do something.
00:12:32.000 I know a few guys who had alcohol problems will smoke a little pot.
00:12:37.000 Or, you know, do little mushrooms every now and then or something like that.
00:12:40.000 But he's one of those guys that he'll do everything other than the heroin, you know?
00:12:44.000 Well, I mean, if you can, that I think is everybody's psychology is different.
00:12:48.000 Some people, once they open the door a tiny bit, they can tell.
00:12:52.000 It's like, then I need to open it all the way.
00:12:54.000 I can't fucking stop.
00:12:55.000 Then if you know you're that kind of person, yeah, then don't open it a tiny bit.
00:12:58.000 Then you shouldn't.
00:12:59.000 But if you are not, then what the hell is wrong with enjoying a little bit if you can, you know?
00:13:04.000 It really depends person to person.
00:13:06.000 Some people can do that.
00:13:07.000 Other people have to go cold turkey or they can't.
00:13:10.000 Yeah, that's definitely true.
00:13:12.000 It's just cool to see someone do something positive.
00:13:16.000 It always is.
00:13:18.000 Inspiration is a real fuel for human beings.
00:13:21.000 When you see your friends Or someone you know that you like and they're doing something that's really transforming them and helping them.
00:13:28.000 It fires you up, too.
00:13:30.000 Yeah, I'm like the biggest wimp.
00:13:31.000 Every time I see you're the cheesiest inspirational video, I start crying like a baby.
00:13:35.000 I'm like, that is so moving.
00:13:37.000 It's like...
00:13:38.000 Every single time, you know.
00:13:39.000 I'm like that, too.
00:13:40.000 I'm such a bitch.
00:13:41.000 I'm such a bitch.
00:13:42.000 I don't cry over sad shit that much, though.
00:13:45.000 It's weird.
00:13:45.000 No, I know.
00:13:46.000 Like, my cat died.
00:13:47.000 I didn't cry.
00:13:48.000 I've had her for 19 years.
00:13:49.000 I didn't cry.
00:13:50.000 I felt bad.
00:13:50.000 Right.
00:13:51.000 I felt sad, but, you know, I felt like, well, she lived a great life, and she was a cool cat.
00:13:55.000 Yeah.
00:13:56.000 But it's not like something cool happens.
00:13:59.000 Something cool happens.
00:14:00.000 I'm like, wow.
00:14:02.000 Yeah, I have the same thing, man.
00:14:04.000 It's like, I think Krom would kick us out of Valhalla.
00:14:07.000 We would be like, come on, you cry for that?
00:14:09.000 What a bitch.
00:14:09.000 Where does Krom hang out?
00:14:11.000 He's not in Valhalla.
00:14:12.000 He has a different place, right?
00:14:14.000 I forget where it is.
00:14:14.000 Not sure.
00:14:15.000 They mix it up a little.
00:14:16.000 So their dysmology is a little.
00:14:18.000 They play it loose, but...
00:14:20.000 Yeah, I don't remember where Krom hung out.
00:14:25.000 The core is probably severe human heads.
00:14:28.000 Some guy was giving me a hard time on Twitter the other day, and just for a goof, his spelling was so atrocious.
00:14:34.000 I was like, oh my god, what is this guy into?
00:14:36.000 I love it when people get mad at me.
00:14:37.000 It was like a Ted Cruz post that he got mad at me over.
00:14:41.000 So I went to his Twitter page.
00:14:42.000 And, uh, I was just reading these posts about him looking up into the heavens, wondering what, you know, what God is like living in the clouds.
00:14:54.000 Like, this motherfucker's serious.
00:14:56.000 Like, dude, you could drive a fucking plane through the clouds, asshole.
00:15:00.000 Alright?
00:15:01.000 There's nothing up there.
00:15:03.000 Okay, that shit was back when people didn't have planes.
00:15:06.000 That's right.
00:15:07.000 Now that we have planes, you can't say that God's right up there, man, in the clouds.
00:15:10.000 No, no, no.
00:15:11.000 Fucking Southwest is up there.
00:15:13.000 They're going right through the clouds with a jet.
00:15:15.000 They're giving out free peanuts.
00:15:17.000 You fucking dickhead.
00:15:20.000 If you look real careful while you're eating your peanuts, you may see dog ducking trying to avoid the planes.
00:15:25.000 God damn it.
00:15:26.000 These Ted Cruz motherfuckers are scary.
00:15:28.000 They got a little victory under their belt in Iowa, and they're doubling down on the Bible readings.
00:15:33.000 That's scary to me.
00:15:34.000 I mean, it's like...
00:15:35.000 That fucking guy.
00:15:36.000 The Democratic Party sucks, but the Republican Party has gone so far off the deep end that it's just downright nuts.
00:15:42.000 Well, did you ever see that?
00:15:44.000 I tweeted a quote the other day from Barry Goldwater, where Barry Goldwater, back in the 50s, had recognized that there was an issue with preachers and ministers getting involved in the Republican Party, that they would ruin it.
00:15:56.000 I know that's the scary thing, is that you go back 50 years to the guys who were considered nutcases back in the day, and they would be considered moderate centrist today.
00:16:04.000 They would be like, oh, Barry Goldwater, what a reasonable voice, you know?
00:16:07.000 Well, he was the one who was warning against it.
00:16:10.000 Right.
00:16:10.000 No, exactly.
00:16:11.000 That's what I mean.
00:16:12.000 He had some positions that were a bit on the extreme end, but he also had a bunch of others that were very, very reasonable, where he made sense, you know?
00:16:19.000 And today he would be seen as a fucking liberal, you know, look at that guy.
00:16:23.000 Yeah.
00:16:24.000 Yeah.
00:16:25.000 These are strange times where it's kind of strange because this is the most advanced as far as our ability to access information.
00:16:35.000 It's never been like this before.
00:16:36.000 And as far as our ability to access studies and find out the actual real scientific facts about certain things.
00:16:44.000 But...
00:16:45.000 This is like, it's more important now to profess a love or a belief in God when you're running for president, I think, than ever.
00:16:54.000 Than ever.
00:16:55.000 You have to say it.
00:16:56.000 Like, everybody has to say it.
00:16:57.000 Yeah, there's never been once a guy who could just skirt a question and not discuss it.
00:17:02.000 You have to go in and say...
00:17:03.000 Do you believe what I believe or not?
00:17:05.000 Do you believe what I believe?
00:17:07.000 Because I'm about to give you a vote and I want to make sure.
00:17:11.000 Like, whoa.
00:17:12.000 I try to stay away from all the political discussions because there's no point.
00:17:16.000 Within about 0.1 seconds it becomes, fuck you, fuck you.
00:17:19.000 And it's just, there's not even a...
00:17:21.000 Yeah.
00:17:22.000 There's not even an...
00:17:23.000 Like, I get it.
00:17:24.000 If we disagree, there's controversy.
00:17:25.000 Okay, that can be fun.
00:17:27.000 That can be interesting.
00:17:28.000 Hell, we can even learn some stuff from each other.
00:17:30.000 But that's not even that point.
00:17:31.000 It's just pure crazy extremist insults back and forth.
00:17:34.000 And I'm like, eh.
00:17:35.000 This is my all-time favorite election.
00:17:37.000 All time.
00:17:38.000 Because it's the stupidest election.
00:17:39.000 It's the shittiest choices, the least inspired candidates.
00:17:44.000 This is the best one for me.
00:17:46.000 This is the best.
00:17:47.000 That's the Dan Carly thing.
00:17:48.000 He had a whole show going on about how happy he was that Donald Trump was in the race for entertainment factor.
00:17:54.000 And also because he was making a good point because he said, look, in the primaries, for example, in the Republican primaries, the game is you have to go 0.1 millimeter more conservative than the next guy to win the primaries, but you don't want to go too far because otherwise you lose the general election.
00:18:09.000 And you have Trump who steps in and he goes like 20 yards past everybody else.
00:18:13.000 And so everybody else is like, shit, if I don't follow him, I lose the primary.
00:18:17.000 But if I follow him, I'm done in the general.
00:18:19.000 So that was having a blast with that.
00:18:23.000 He was laughing.
00:18:23.000 Which episode is that?
00:18:25.000 It's a common sense episode.
00:18:27.000 Maybe after the first Republican debate.
00:18:30.000 That's what it was.
00:18:30.000 God, I gotta go listen to that.
00:18:32.000 It's true.
00:18:33.000 I mean, that's the way it is.
00:18:35.000 Well, Donald Trump has nothing to lose.
00:18:37.000 Yeah.
00:18:37.000 Like, I don't think he really wants to be president.
00:18:39.000 I really don't think he does.
00:18:40.000 And I think that's why he's so outrageous.
00:18:43.000 Right.
00:18:43.000 But I think, along the way, he's kind of fucked himself, because this is what people have been asking for.
00:18:48.000 People, for the longest time, have wanted someone, believe him or don't believe him, agree with him or don't agree with him.
00:18:54.000 He's speaking his mind.
00:18:55.000 Right.
00:18:56.000 What he's saying, he's saying because he doesn't give a fuck.
00:19:00.000 There's no feel there whatsoever.
00:19:01.000 He's talking about Mexicans.
00:19:03.000 Well, someone's doing the raping.
00:19:04.000 Yeah.
00:19:04.000 Like, what?
00:19:06.000 This guy's running for president!
00:19:08.000 And he's talking about putting a wall up, like some fucking Berlin wall up between us and Mexico.
00:19:14.000 Like, holy shit, man.
00:19:16.000 That seems reasonable, does it?
00:19:20.000 We're gonna let over the rapists!
00:19:23.000 Well, there's no rapist.
00:19:24.000 Well, someone's doing the raping.
00:19:26.000 Someone's doing the raping.
00:19:28.000 Jesus Christ.
00:19:31.000 Half of the things you read, you can't even check.
00:19:34.000 It's maybe an onion site.
00:19:35.000 It's hard to keep track of which ones are the real ones and which ones are the bullshit ones because they are so similar.
00:19:39.000 That's the problem.
00:19:40.000 You can't tell the difference.
00:19:42.000 There was one where they asked him something about what does it take to make America great again?
00:19:47.000 And he ran through this whole speech where he's clearly not answering.
00:19:51.000 You know, he's running around just throwing words out that have nothing to do with the question.
00:19:55.000 And then it ends with him going like...
00:19:57.000 Look at the guy with the red hat.
00:19:59.000 Please stand up.
00:19:59.000 That's an awesome hat.
00:20:00.000 He completely distracted.
00:20:02.000 I'm going to leave this question because I don't want to deal with it.
00:20:04.000 Look at the guy with the red hat.
00:20:06.000 Yeah, well, he's a good media man.
00:20:09.000 He's very good at...
00:20:11.000 He's been doing interviews for years and he's also been on that reality show for a long time.
00:20:16.000 He got fired from it while running for this election because of the inflammatory stuff he said about Mexicans.
00:20:23.000 But I agree with you.
00:20:24.000 This is entertaining.
00:20:25.000 It passed the point of being said to the point that it's entertaining.
00:20:28.000 That's why I would dig a general election, Trump against Sanders, because at that point it's just so wild and weird that it's enjoyable.
00:20:37.000 If you get, you know, the professional guys where, like, they measure every single statement, you know, the Hillary Clinton, it's...
00:20:44.000 It's boring.
00:20:45.000 You can write already every single speech.
00:20:47.000 You know already what's going to happen, right?
00:20:48.000 With some of these guys, you have no idea what the hell is going to come out of their mouth.
00:20:52.000 It makes it for, hey, at least I got to watch something that doesn't put me to sleep there.
00:20:56.000 Well, you want to talk about putting me to sleep.
00:20:59.000 Hillary Clinton puts me to sleep.
00:21:01.000 God, there's nothing inspiring about what she's saying.
00:21:04.000 Nothing inspiring about her presence or her speeches.
00:21:08.000 But I think my daughter, my seven-year-old daughter said it best.
00:21:11.000 She goes, I would vote for her because she's a girl.
00:21:15.000 A lot of people feel like that.
00:21:17.000 I know, I know, I know, I know.
00:21:18.000 You're like, fuck it, we have a black man, let's have a white girl.
00:21:20.000 Right, but it's like, maybe you can pick somebody, okay, sure, you want that, pick somebody better, Jesus.
00:21:27.000 Who's better, Elizabeth Warren?
00:21:29.000 No, I know.
00:21:29.000 She's not in anymore, right?
00:21:30.000 She dropped out, but when she was running, they found out that she wasn't really Native American, and she tried to fake that she was Native American.
00:21:38.000 Did she get a scholarship or something for that?
00:21:41.000 I think that's what it was, though.
00:21:42.000 Fuck, you dummy.
00:21:44.000 You can't fake.
00:21:45.000 That's one thing you can't fake.
00:21:47.000 You can fake like you're one-eighth Swedish.
00:21:49.000 Right.
00:21:50.000 They won't give you a hard time about it.
00:21:51.000 Yeah.
00:21:51.000 But if you say you're one-eighth Native American, it turns out, oh no, that's fucking...
00:21:55.000 Native American is like noble and mystical and you have like magic fucking eagle power so you can hear like a wolf.
00:22:02.000 Isn't that trippy?
00:22:03.000 If you watch all the pre-1960s movies, they were all like bad Indians who come in to sculpt you and chop your head off.
00:22:09.000 Why?
00:22:10.000 Because they're Indians.
00:22:10.000 Who the fuck knows why?
00:22:11.000 It's like the dragon in the story, right?
00:22:14.000 Post-1960s is all hug the furry creatures of the forest, have visions.
00:22:19.000 You know what it was?
00:22:20.000 It was that guy in the commercial that cried when he saw the garbage on the ground.
00:22:24.000 That's what it was.
00:22:25.000 And incidentally, that guy too was not Indian at all.
00:22:27.000 It was Italian!
00:22:28.000 Exactly.
00:22:29.000 How fucked up is that?
00:22:30.000 That guy in that commercial where the Indians cryin' because white men are littering.
00:22:35.000 But we, from the 60s on, we've sort of associated Native Americans with spiritual things.
00:22:42.000 Like dream catchers.
00:22:44.000 Yeah, this guy.
00:22:45.000 That guy's a guinea.
00:22:46.000 He's from fucking the same island as me.
00:22:51.000 Look at him.
00:22:51.000 He's in his canoe.
00:22:53.000 He's seeing that.
00:22:53.000 Pick it up, you fuck.
00:22:55.000 You're driving right past it.
00:22:56.000 You don't have to just look at it, dude.
00:22:58.000 Throw it away.
00:22:59.000 Jesus Christ.
00:23:00.000 Give a hoot.
00:23:01.000 Don't pollute, but, you know, give a damn.
00:23:04.000 Pick that shit up.
00:23:07.000 Those commercials, man.
00:23:09.000 And he would pull up in his stupid fucking buffalo skin canoe and cry.
00:23:15.000 Yeah.
00:23:16.000 Look at that.
00:23:17.000 That guy's so Italian.
00:23:18.000 He could be on The Sopranos.
00:23:19.000 I know.
00:23:20.000 They made him wear a wig and shit.
00:23:21.000 Yep.
00:23:22.000 Like people throwing things out the window right at his feet.
00:23:24.000 And he cries.
00:23:28.000 Oh, he's trying.
00:23:29.000 Again, Krom would banish you from Valhalla.
00:23:31.000 Don't cry.
00:23:32.000 Do something about it, bitch.
00:23:33.000 Keep America beautiful.
00:23:35.000 Yeah, well, he definitely shouldn't be, like, hanging out by the highway either.
00:23:38.000 Yeah, that doesn't help.
00:23:40.000 Just standing there with his moccasins on and shit.
00:23:42.000 Yeah, but Native Americans, from that point on, they're associated with sweat lodges and peyote ceremonies and spiritual things.
00:23:52.000 We have these ideas.
00:23:54.000 A lot of people, they have these ideas of Native Americans that they lived off the land and they used every last piece of the animal and they had a spiritual connection with their surroundings.
00:24:04.000 You know, a lot of it's true.
00:24:06.000 There's a lot of truth in that.
00:24:07.000 But that's the problem with all stereotypes, right?
00:24:09.000 You take something that's partially true, and then you blow it up to make it the entirety of the experience, and then you turn with the caricature that at that point is very far from the real deal.
00:24:20.000 Well, my friend Steven Rinella, the host of The Meat Eater, has the best stories of Native Americans.
00:24:26.000 He has a deep knowledge of the history of Native Americans, and he's got some fantastic stories about the Nez Perce.
00:24:32.000 First of all, they were fucking cannibals.
00:24:35.000 That was super common to not only attack neighboring tribes, but to eat them.
00:24:41.000 Eat their babies, eat their family.
00:24:44.000 Yeah, eat them.
00:24:45.000 Really?
00:24:45.000 Yeah, there's a lot of cannibalism going on in the Old West.
00:24:48.000 Especially, apparently, amongst the Great Lakes area, in the Great Lakes area.
00:24:52.000 Yeah, that for sure.
00:24:53.000 Why is that?
00:24:54.000 Is it just because the climate is harsh?
00:24:56.000 No, different people.
00:24:57.000 You know, it's kind of like the culture.
00:24:58.000 In fact, that's why it's hard to generalize with these things, because among native stuff, there's so much difference.
00:25:03.000 You know, the guys from the Great Lakes have nothing to do with the guys from the plains.
00:25:06.000 Of course.
00:25:08.000 So each one is...
00:25:09.000 But yeah, Great Lakes stuff is pretty intense.
00:25:11.000 The part that I dig the most about that is on...
00:25:14.000 You would go out to get captives.
00:25:16.000 You know, you go on a war raid, you get captives.
00:25:19.000 And once you get captured, you have one of two options.
00:25:21.000 If they like you, then they adopt you as a family member.
00:25:25.000 You replace one of their dead family members and you get treated that way.
00:25:28.000 You are loved, you are brought in.
00:25:30.000 They don't like you so much.
00:25:31.000 Then they torture you to death over a four-day period.
00:25:34.000 So that's, it's, yeah, it's, both things can happen.
00:25:39.000 It's kind of a flip of a coin there, which I guess if you're Hillary Clinton is a good thing, but for everybody else, not so much.
00:25:44.000 Yeah, he told me the story of this one guy who got captured.
00:25:47.000 There was two guys captured.
00:25:48.000 One guy.
00:25:50.000 They killed him.
00:25:51.000 Killed him in front of his friend.
00:25:52.000 And then they told him, I think they might have ate him in front of his friend too.
00:25:56.000 They killed him and then they told him, we're going to take off all your clothes and we're going to let you run.
00:26:01.000 And if you can get away, you can live.
00:26:03.000 And so this motherfucker ran like the wind.
00:26:06.000 Jumped in the freezing cold river and hid in a beaver dam.
00:26:09.000 He got smart enough to climb up into a beaver dam.
00:26:11.000 Which, by the way, is a risk and a fucking half.
00:26:14.000 Because what if you climb in there and the beaver's in there?
00:26:16.000 That beaver's going to fuck you up.
00:26:18.000 People have died from beavers before.
00:26:20.000 If a beaver bites your artery, they chew through a tree.
00:26:24.000 They'll fuck you up.
00:26:25.000 And this guy, he fucking made it.
00:26:28.000 And he walked for days, some ungodly amount of miles, naked, by the way, freezing cold, lived off of whatever he'd grab and stuff in his mouth and eat, and managed to survive in some crazy way and lived to tell the story.
00:26:42.000 No, in fact, some of the, that's what I dig, like, for History on Fire, those kind of stories that are so, like, it's like, come on, the screenwriter from Game of Thrones wrote that, right?
00:26:50.000 It can be real.
00:26:51.000 And then you dig it, and it's like, no, there's real, and there's wars, and it's more intense than anything you could imagine.
00:26:57.000 Isn't The Revenant, isn't that based on a real story?
00:26:59.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:26:59.000 It's, um...
00:27:01.000 Yeah, that dude is, that guy has a brilliant tail.
00:27:04.000 They kind of tailored it a little bit.
00:27:06.000 You know, there was no Indian song.
00:27:08.000 There was none of that part.
00:27:10.000 Oh, really?
00:27:10.000 It's always an Indian.
00:27:11.000 I know.
00:27:12.000 You want to sell it to white people?
00:27:14.000 You got to throw an Indian in there.
00:27:16.000 The damn, like they being in the Black Hills area hunting and then the Grizzly fucking him up.
00:27:22.000 There's two guys leaving him for dead and taking off even with his rifle.
00:27:26.000 That's all true.
00:27:27.000 But yeah, they tweaked it a little bit.
00:27:30.000 Somebody needs to write a movie about that Sue Akins lady that lives up in Alaska.
00:27:34.000 Because that lady, she's the one who's on that show Life Below Zero.
00:27:38.000 I heard about it.
00:27:39.000 She lives 200 miles plus above the Arctic Circle in this place called Kavik.
00:27:44.000 She was one of my guests on the podcast.
00:27:45.000 She's amazing.
00:27:47.000 Amazing.
00:27:48.000 I mean, she is as fucking gangster as a human being can get.
00:27:53.000 Just being awesome.
00:27:54.000 Just so cool.
00:27:55.000 She's a really nice, intelligent woman.
00:27:58.000 She's just so powerful.
00:28:00.000 Anyway, she was up there and she got attacked by a bear and fucked up, man.
00:28:06.000 Real bad.
00:28:07.000 Broke her hip, I think.
00:28:08.000 Broke her leg.
00:28:10.000 Fucked her head up.
00:28:11.000 I think it cracked her skull.
00:28:12.000 Serious, serious injuries.
00:28:14.000 She survived.
00:28:15.000 She crawled back to her dwelling.
00:28:19.000 She doesn't even live in a house because where she lives, you're not allowed to put permanent residences.
00:28:24.000 So they're like Tent things that are up there.
00:28:26.000 They're made out of cloth.
00:28:28.000 These weird sort of buildings with wire structures and thick canvas tops.
00:28:34.000 She was there for days before someone...
00:28:37.000 She owns a refueling station up there.
00:28:39.000 Someone flew in.
00:28:40.000 They found her.
00:28:41.000 They brought her to medical help and patched her up, fixed her up.
00:28:45.000 She heals up, goes back, shoots that bear, and eats it.
00:28:49.000 That's the way you want to do it.
00:28:51.000 That bitch is gangster as fuck.
00:28:53.000 Yeah.
00:28:54.000 You imagine eating a bear just cutting into...
00:28:56.000 Yeah, you motherfucker.
00:28:58.000 Not so cocky now, bitch.
00:29:01.000 That's a badass revenge tale.
00:29:03.000 Fuck yeah, it is.
00:29:03.000 That's the way you want to do it.
00:29:05.000 Fuck yeah, man.
00:29:05.000 So to her watching The Revenant, he's like, eh, that's Tuesday morning.
00:29:08.000 Whatever.
00:29:09.000 Come on, pussy.
00:29:10.000 Yeah.
00:29:11.000 I mean, it's amazing.
00:29:13.000 It's an amazing story.
00:29:13.000 I mean, anybody would live in a cloth tent north of the Arctic.
00:29:17.000 I mean, that Wim Hof would be proud, right?
00:29:20.000 And she's a grandma.
00:29:20.000 Yeah, of course.
00:29:21.000 It's like, pinch the grandkids' kids after eating the bear's heart.
00:29:27.000 Jesus Christ, she's crazy.
00:29:30.000 Yeah.
00:29:30.000 But that's what she enjoys.
00:29:31.000 She enjoys living out there in the wilderness with the wolves and the foxes and the bears and the caribou.
00:29:38.000 She loves it.
00:29:39.000 She loves going out and shooting her meals and bringing them home and cutting and does all the butchering, all the food she gets.
00:29:46.000 She gets from the land around her.
00:29:48.000 She just...
00:29:50.000 It's just like the life she loves.
00:29:52.000 She found it and she's smart, man.
00:29:55.000 She could do a lot of shit.
00:29:56.000 She's not an unresourceful person who's trapped up there.
00:30:00.000 She just really, truly enjoys it.
00:30:03.000 That's a choice.
00:30:03.000 Fascinating person.
00:30:04.000 Just absolutely fascinating person.
00:30:07.000 She's one of my favorite all-time guests.
00:30:08.000 I need to go back.
00:30:09.000 Next to Daniele Bolele.
00:30:10.000 Of course.
00:30:11.000 I need to go back and catch that one.
00:30:12.000 I think I saw it was there and I didn't catch it.
00:30:14.000 I need to listen again.
00:30:16.000 She's amazing, man.
00:30:16.000 I'll weep myself for having missed it.
00:30:18.000 I would like to go up there and hang out with her.
00:30:20.000 Yeah, she sounds awesome.
00:30:21.000 I would have to go up there in the winter, though.
00:30:23.000 Otherwise, it'd be a pussy.
00:30:24.000 You can't go up there.
00:30:25.000 You can't.
00:30:26.000 Hey, just came up to see how hard it is in July.
00:30:30.000 But I bet it's cold as fucking July, too.
00:30:32.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:30:33.000 But I think, what is the time of year where you go to see the Aurora Borealis?
00:30:37.000 The Northern Lights?
00:30:39.000 I haven't been, I don't know.
00:30:40.000 I think that is a summer thing.
00:30:42.000 Is that a summer thing or is that an all-year-round thing?
00:30:45.000 No idea.
00:30:46.000 I don't know either, but that would be worth traveling just to see.
00:30:50.000 That's supposed to be insane.
00:30:51.000 Yeah, that's beautiful.
00:30:51.000 Like the whole sky is filled with like green mist.
00:30:54.000 Either that or you can stay in LA and take mushrooms and you've got the same effect.
00:30:58.000 Yeah, that's better, right?
00:30:59.000 Yeah.
00:30:59.000 It's better.
00:31:00.000 Fuck the bear and the snow and the...
00:31:04.000 Do you ever been to Alaska?
00:31:05.000 No, never.
00:31:06.000 You know what's crazy about it, man, is how big it is.
00:31:08.000 Yeah.
00:31:08.000 When you fly over it, you go like, Jesus Christ.
00:31:10.000 And then you look at it on the map, you're like, what the fuck?
00:31:12.000 That place is...
00:31:13.000 I think it's the biggest state.
00:31:15.000 Is it the biggest state?
00:31:15.000 Is it?
00:31:17.000 Yeah.
00:31:17.000 Really?
00:31:18.000 Yeah.
00:31:19.000 By far, Jamie says.
00:31:20.000 Yeah, I think it's like almost two Texases.
00:31:23.000 Seriously?
00:31:24.000 Yeah.
00:31:24.000 They do some really shitty job with maps.
00:31:26.000 Yeah, find out how many Texases fit in Alaska.
00:31:28.000 Oh, they do a shitty job with maps.
00:31:29.000 Does not look like two times Texas.
00:31:31.000 Well, have you ever seen how big Africa really is?
00:31:34.000 Like, when people talk about Africa...
00:31:36.000 I think people get this idea that Africa, the continent of Africa, is similar to the continent of North America, but it's not even close.
00:31:42.000 Look at this.
00:31:43.000 Whoa, Jesus Christ.
00:31:45.000 Twice the size of Texas.
00:31:46.000 Yeah, that is huge.
00:31:47.000 Goddamn.
00:31:48.000 Alaska is larger than all but 18 sovereign countries.
00:31:52.000 Holy shit.
00:31:54.000 Look how big it is when you put it in the middle of America.
00:31:57.000 Freaky.
00:31:57.000 Fucking A, man.
00:31:59.000 God, it's huge.
00:32:02.000 And it's so lightly populated.
00:32:05.000 It's amazing.
00:32:06.000 I fucking love it up there.
00:32:08.000 I gotta get back.
00:32:09.000 When was the last time?
00:32:10.000 Two years ago, Ari Shafir and I did Anchorage.
00:32:14.000 We did a comedy show up there and went salmon fishing.
00:32:16.000 Saw my first moose ever.
00:32:19.000 Saw some eagles for the first time.
00:32:20.000 That was awesome.
00:32:22.000 Eagles are awesome.
00:32:22.000 Yeah, you told me that they were pretty intense kind of birds.
00:32:27.000 It's so strange when you look at a wild eagle in the eye, you know, even though it's kind of far away.
00:32:32.000 They don't let you get that close to them.
00:32:34.000 But when you're passing by, we were on a boat, and we're passing by these trees, and there's an eagle up in the tree, and you're like, whoa, what the fuck?
00:32:40.000 They're big fucking animals, that's for sure.
00:32:42.000 They don't get hunted by people either, so they're not afraid of people.
00:32:45.000 But, you know, they're not stupid either.
00:32:48.000 But...
00:32:49.000 That place is a legitimately wild place in that when you get out of your car, you have to run to where you're going or you're going to get swarmed by mosquitoes.
00:33:00.000 Yeah, that's what I heard about.
00:33:02.000 That's the part that I didn't like about Alaska.
00:33:04.000 When I heard them, I'm like, oh, it sounds awesome.
00:33:05.000 And then I heard about the level of, like, how intense it is mosquito-wise.
00:33:09.000 I was like, shit, okay.
00:33:11.000 Ari and I were laughing.
00:33:12.000 We couldn't even believe it.
00:33:13.000 Like, this is ridiculous.
00:33:14.000 Like, I'm not kidding.
00:33:15.000 Like, open up the car door, put your boots on, and just the time it takes to open the door and get your boots on, the car is filled with mosquitoes.
00:33:25.000 Like hundreds of mosquitoes.
00:33:26.000 Like a swarm.
00:33:28.000 They find you instantly.
00:33:29.000 What's about the climate there that attracts mosquitoes so much?
00:33:32.000 I think they're just fucking desperado, because they know they're only going to be alive for a month.
00:33:37.000 You know, that's what I think.
00:33:39.000 And there's like three humans to bite.
00:33:41.000 Yeah.
00:33:41.000 Gotcha.
00:33:42.000 I think, I mean, they bite other animals, right?
00:33:45.000 Yeah, definitely.
00:33:46.000 So I just don't think that they have much time.
00:33:49.000 I think they only stay alive for a short period of time.
00:33:52.000 So while they're at it, they're at it.
00:33:53.000 So they are berserker mosquitoes just going for it.
00:33:57.000 Yeah, that's a scary fucking complex.
00:34:00.000 Yeah, more so than Florida.
00:34:02.000 You would think Florida mosquitoes would be the most rabid.
00:34:04.000 That's how you figure.
00:34:05.000 Tropical place, lots of humidity, all of that.
00:34:08.000 They're like Florida people, though.
00:34:09.000 They're fat and lazy.
00:34:12.000 Just taking it easy.
00:34:14.000 It's like, ah, there'll be another tourist.
00:34:15.000 I can get that one.
00:34:16.000 I don't have to chase this one.
00:34:18.000 Yeah.
00:34:19.000 Florida has its own problems though, man.
00:34:21.000 Florida, it's so funny they're doing a big python hunt now.
00:34:25.000 Are they?
00:34:25.000 Because so many people have released pythons in Florida that they've bred and overbred.
00:34:31.000 They have like a gigantic python invasion problem to the point where they're offering rewards for people to kill pythons.
00:34:39.000 The headlines that come out of Florida are one of the things that are a constant source of entertainment.
00:34:44.000 You get things that are like, again, this must be the onion, right?
00:34:47.000 It's too fucking crazy.
00:34:48.000 Then you check it and it's like, no, that was real.
00:34:49.000 That really happened.
00:34:51.000 Yeah, there's a great Twitter page called Florida Man.
00:34:54.000 It's just filled.
00:34:56.000 Every day there's some new crazy shit some guy tried to do while huffing paint and fucking his dog.
00:35:02.000 It just...
00:35:04.000 It's not a real state.
00:35:06.000 What did I read?
00:35:07.000 What was the last thing?
00:35:08.000 Prison colony.
00:35:09.000 This guy was robbing a house and I think the owners came back so the guy took off and they were looking for him with flashlights so he dove in this pond right outside.
00:35:20.000 Alligator.
00:35:20.000 Exactly.
00:35:21.000 They promptly ate him.
00:35:22.000 Yeah, I've heard that before.
00:35:24.000 There was another one recently, real similar, where they were chasing this guy in a stolen car.
00:35:28.000 The guy gets to a bridge, jumps off the bridge, and immediately gets jacked by an alligator.
00:35:33.000 Like, literally jumped on an alligator.
00:35:35.000 It's like, good timing.
00:35:37.000 Good job, man.
00:35:38.000 But you got to be fucking crazy to jump in the water with those things, man.
00:35:43.000 If you've seen an alligator, they are big ass fucking dinosaurs.
00:35:48.000 They're not as dangerous as Nile crocodiles, which coincidentally have also been released in the Everglades.
00:35:54.000 They have a shoot on sight, kill on sight order.
00:35:57.000 If anybody sees a Nile crocodile, you're supposed to kill them on sight because they've started to breed in the Everglades.
00:36:03.000 So you're talking about those 18, 20 foot long, gigantic African crocodiles that take out wildebeests.
00:36:10.000 Yeah.
00:36:10.000 They live in Florida, too.
00:36:14.000 Yeah, that's a rough state.
00:36:17.000 It's funny, man, because all the tree huggers are like, don't kill the pythons, it's not their fault.
00:36:21.000 Like, okay.
00:36:22.000 You know how big pythons get, you crazy bitch?
00:36:24.000 They're gonna eat your family.
00:36:26.000 They'll eat babies.
00:36:27.000 They eat people.
00:36:29.000 Fuck, man.
00:36:31.000 It's Florida.
00:36:32.000 The joys of nature.
00:36:33.000 I've been watching Narcos on Netflix.
00:36:35.000 How is it?
00:36:36.000 I heard Dawson Sinks about it.
00:36:37.000 It's so good.
00:36:39.000 I'm sad because there's only two episodes left, and I don't know if they're doing a second season.
00:36:44.000 I don't know if they can.
00:36:45.000 I mean, I think Pablo Escobar gets caught.
00:36:48.000 I think that's the end of that.
00:36:49.000 Unless it goes on further.
00:36:50.000 I don't know, though.
00:36:51.000 I wasn't totally aware of the entire story of Escobar.
00:36:56.000 I just knew that he was a drug dealer, and I knew...
00:36:59.000 Fuck, man.
00:37:00.000 No, those guys don't mess around.
00:37:03.000 It's so well done, too.
00:37:05.000 This show's so well done.
00:37:06.000 No, that's on my watch list, because I heard that every single person I talked with told me it's awesome.
00:37:13.000 It's insane.
00:37:15.000 He went to war.
00:37:16.000 I mean, I don't want to tell anybody anything about it, but it's fucking shocking.
00:37:20.000 And it builds up really well.
00:37:22.000 Like, it really builds up well from the early days of his drug dealer just finding out about drugs to the end.
00:37:31.000 Well, that's what's funny about it, that people get all like, oh, the criminal, the mafia.
00:37:35.000 When you look at, like, mafia stories, they are identical to the history of any state, of any nation.
00:37:41.000 You know, it's just the dynamics are, you know, one is suit and tie, the other one is with a K-47.
00:37:47.000 But other than that, the basic things are, it's a struggle for power.
00:37:50.000 It's a game of fuck over your enemies, cheat the other one who can get you.
00:37:55.000 Do what you can to expand your...
00:37:57.000 It's the same story over and over, whether you talk about Alexander the Great or Pablo Escobar.
00:38:02.000 It's not that different, really.
00:38:03.000 No, it's not.
00:38:04.000 The specifics are slightly different, but the big picture is not.
00:38:08.000 It's a struggle for power.
00:38:09.000 End of story.
00:38:10.000 And it seems like when you get to the really high levels of finance and of volume and of the amount of troops and the amount of people that you're controlling, the area you control, that's when the real atrocities kick in.
00:38:23.000 It's almost universal that horrific acts get done to intimidate your enemy and to make sure that you retain control over certain areas.
00:38:36.000 Yeah, it's one of the things where it's like...
00:38:39.000 In that sense, human history is really kind of fucked up and weird if you approach it through a moral lens because you see so many nasty things take place.
00:38:48.000 And the weird ones are the ones where there really is no good solution, where you don't know what the healthy thing would be.
00:38:54.000 There's one that I was researching for a history on fire maybe a year from now or something.
00:38:59.000 I'm researching this story from the 1980s in El Salvador.
00:39:03.000 At that time, there was a right-wing government in El Salvador that the U.S. government was supporting, and there was a leftist guerrilla.
00:39:10.000 In the logic of the Cold War, there are only two options.
00:39:13.000 You either are pro-communist or you are pro-U.S. There's nothing in between.
00:39:17.000 So in the process of fighting this leftist guerrilla, the government of El Salvador is doing nasty things, right?
00:39:22.000 Anybody who criticizes them, doesn't matter whether they're a communist or not, get tortured to death, chop off their bodies, leave them in the middle of the street.
00:39:31.000 American Congress at that point goes like, oh shit, you know, we can't really keep sending millions of dollars to these guys.
00:39:36.000 We're doing horrible human rights violations.
00:39:39.000 So they passed this law that in order for any more aid to be sent to the governor of El Salvador, the president of the United States had to sign off on a document stating that these guys have made huge improvements in their human rights record, that they are on the right path, you know, it's getting better.
00:39:56.000 Problem is, the deadline is coming up.
00:39:58.000 Reagan is itching to be able to send out all these millions of dollars to the government of El Salvador.
00:40:03.000 And in that moment, the Salvadorian army goes on this offensive against the guerrilla.
00:40:08.000 They find some villages that just wanted to be left the fuck alone.
00:40:13.000 They were not pro-communist, but they were not anti-communist either.
00:40:16.000 They were like...
00:40:17.000 Bunch of evangelical Christians, peasants, who just wanted to farm their fields and be left alone.
00:40:21.000 So they would let the communists go through, they would let the army go through.
00:40:24.000 They figure if we stay neutral, everything works out, right?
00:40:27.000 Well, not in the Cold War.
00:40:29.000 In the Cold War, there is no neutrality either on one side or the other.
00:40:32.000 So Salvadorian army come in, grab every single villagers, separate the men from the women, kill all the men, rape all the women, then kill them all, kill everybody in that village.
00:40:44.000 And the New York Times did an article on it, and Reagan was like, oh shit, what do I do now?
00:40:51.000 So he said, the guy who wrote this article is some crazy communist.
00:40:54.000 None of this is true.
00:40:55.000 It's a smear campaign against our allies.
00:40:57.000 The government of El Salvador has made huge improvements on sending them millions of dollars.
00:41:02.000 Of course, years down the road turns out that the original story was true, that this stuff did happen, and they...
00:41:08.000 But other than bitching about Reagan, this is not even an anti-Reagan thing.
00:41:12.000 It's a messy situation because you do support the government of El Salvador.
00:41:17.000 You're literally supporting death squads, child rapists.
00:41:21.000 I mean, it doesn't really get any worse than that.
00:41:24.000 You don't support them, there's a chance that El Salvador could turn into a communist state, in which case he's not exactly like communism around the world as a high reputation for human rights.
00:41:35.000 It's fucking awful, right?
00:41:36.000 So he's like, what do you choose?
00:41:38.000 Do you choose to support them or do you choose not?
00:41:40.000 It's like, how do you...
00:41:42.000 You see where I'm going?
00:41:43.000 It's a situation where no matter what you choose, you're fucked.
00:41:46.000 You're doing bad things.
00:41:48.000 But clearly...
00:41:50.000 The moment you are supporting that squad, that cannot be the right solution.
00:41:54.000 But at the same time, what is the right solution?
00:41:57.000 What is the good thing you should do?
00:42:00.000 You know, Carter had the same exact problem.
00:42:02.000 You know, right before Reagan, Carter, some guy, the Archbishop of El Salvador, this guy Oscar Romero, sent him a letter saying, stop fucking sending money to my government because they are doing horrible things with it.
00:42:13.000 Carter was like, eh, I don't want to look at this because this is politically troubling for me.
00:42:18.000 So two weeks later, death squads walked into the main church in El Salvador.
00:42:23.000 This guy was celebrating mass.
00:42:24.000 They gunned him down, killed him.
00:42:26.000 So it's not a Republican or Democratic thing.
00:42:29.000 You know, it's like both sides of the game there did not know how to handle this in a situation where it's like, which mass murders do we support and which ones do we oppose?
00:42:38.000 Because that's the reality of it.
00:42:40.000 It was like...
00:42:42.000 Those are the stories that are like, what the fuck do you do?
00:42:45.000 What is the right thing to do in those cases?
00:42:47.000 There almost is no right thing.
00:42:49.000 Right.
00:42:49.000 Exactly.
00:42:50.000 When you're dealing with certain parts of the world that have been embattled, they've been just entangled in these horrible, Bitter feuds and rivalries, horrible things get done in war.
00:43:03.000 And when you're dealing with two horrible groups, and you can't really differentiate substantially one being more moral or ethical over the other one.
00:43:13.000 And oftentimes, if you were more moral or more ethical, you wouldn't survive in those terrible environments.
00:43:18.000 You have to do horrible things just in order to stay above water.
00:43:22.000 And in fact, that's what keeps it, these stories, keep you on your toes.
00:43:26.000 Because if you condemn one and not the other, you're an hypocrite.
00:43:29.000 If you condemn the other and not the first, you're an hypocrite.
00:43:31.000 If we get even to what we are saying, which is the right thing, right?
00:43:34.000 It's like, well, it's a fucked up situation and you have to do terrible things.
00:43:37.000 If you say it too easily, it's like, oh yeah, well, so go chop the kids' head off, no big deal.
00:43:42.000 So you have to, you say it, but you also have to say the opposite.
00:43:46.000 It's like, it's a weird dynamic there where there's no real...
00:43:50.000 A place where you feel comfortable, like, ah, that was the right thing to do.
00:43:54.000 I'm glad we made the right call.
00:43:55.000 Now I can go to sleep, sleeping easy and stuff.
00:43:57.000 Well, let me ask you this, because you're a legit historian.
00:44:00.000 Was there ever a time in human history where there was like a noble, ethical government of any sort of an empire or country that didn't engage in any human rights and did the right thing?
00:44:13.000 Like, was there a utopian government at any time in history?
00:44:16.000 No, I think you get these different degrees of fucked up.
00:44:20.000 Right.
00:44:20.000 Some degrees, you're like, ah, that's not that bad.
00:44:22.000 Come on.
00:44:23.000 We can live with that.
00:44:24.000 But we can live with that does not mean it's good.
00:44:26.000 It's still kind of shitty.
00:44:27.000 It's just a lot less shitty than the alternatives.
00:44:29.000 Outside of modern times, what's the most utopian version of a government that ever I think what you get is in, you do run into societies where maybe, like, for example, if you have low population density, hunters and gather,
00:44:45.000 but the key word being low population density, because once you have too many people, they compete for hunting grounds and they do horrible things to each other.
00:44:52.000 But if you have a relatively low population density, there's really no reason to go to war with another tribe over wealth because you are nomadic.
00:45:01.000 You have to fucking carry it on your back.
00:45:02.000 I don't want your shit.
00:45:04.000 I have to carry it then.
00:45:05.000 That's hard work.
00:45:06.000 You don't fight over wealth.
00:45:08.000 You don't fight over religion because most of these guys have an inclusive approach where whatever you do that works, good for you.
00:45:15.000 There's no competition there.
00:45:17.000 So you have removed two huge things that people do nasty things to each other over.
00:45:21.000 They're still fighting over hunting grounds.
00:45:25.000 They're still fighting over women.
00:45:27.000 So that will still happen.
00:45:29.000 So it's not an idea like utopia.
00:45:31.000 Oh, those noble hunters and gatherers who could do no wrong.
00:45:35.000 No, they did horrible things to each other.
00:45:37.000 They just had less reasons to do so than later societies.
00:45:41.000 Right.
00:45:43.000 So agriculture and cities and civilizations, that's when things started getting really rough.
00:45:47.000 Well, I mean, again, it's the plus and the minus, right?
00:45:50.000 The plus is because you stay in one place and you can accumulate wealth.
00:45:54.000 Now, I don't have to carry everything I own on my back every few days.
00:45:57.000 I can sit in one place and accumulate wealth.
00:45:59.000 You do start seeing the growth of social classes.
00:46:02.000 You do start seeing...
00:46:03.000 I mean, among hunters and gatherers, you don't have a rich hunter and gatherer and a poor one.
00:46:06.000 Everybody's kind of on the same game.
00:46:08.000 Right.
00:46:08.000 When you become sedentary, you can accumulate wealth.
00:46:11.000 And so you do start seeing this game played out in a good way.
00:46:15.000 You know, people who have the resources to dedicate themselves to stuff other than working for a living and so on.
00:46:21.000 And in a horrible way with all the nastiness that takes place over the fighting over, I want your shit, I'm gonna slaughter your family in order to get what I want, you know?
00:46:30.000 So it's...
00:46:32.000 That's why, to me, when you read those...
00:46:34.000 And as usual with human beings, there's always a good and bad kind of logic.
00:46:38.000 You have the guys who are like, man, pre-agriculture sucked!
00:46:42.000 It was a horrible, harsh life where it was terrible, and agriculture freed everybody, and states are wonderful and all that.
00:46:50.000 There's an element of truth to that, and there's also an element that's not, and vice versa.
00:46:53.000 The guy who idealized hunters and gatherers has the best humans ever, and they could do no wrong.
00:46:58.000 It's like...
00:46:59.000 Up to a point, in both scenarios, there are some huge advantages and some huge disadvantages.
00:47:05.000 It's just that they change which ones they are.
00:47:08.000 Yeah, when you get so much wealth and so much prosperity that you start getting royalty and you start getting people that accumulate massive amounts of wealth and then they have this incredible ability to control all the people around them and everyone's fearful of them because they have ultimate power.
00:47:25.000 They can have you killed instantly and face new repercussions.
00:47:28.000 I was reading this article about this guy.
00:47:32.000 Who was some Middle Eastern prince and he was living in Beverly Hills.
00:47:37.000 Did you hear about this guy?
00:47:38.000 No, which one?
00:47:38.000 What did he do?
00:47:38.000 He was sexually assaulting people that worked for him.
00:47:41.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:47:41.000 And they arrested him and then he fleed the country.
00:47:44.000 Got away with it.
00:47:45.000 But he was saying like, you know, you can't do shit to me.
00:47:48.000 I'm a prince.
00:47:49.000 You know, he was like saying that to them like, it's 2016 and he's still like, I'm a prince.
00:47:55.000 There wasn't even one like that.
00:47:57.000 Fuck, I wish I remember the details.
00:47:59.000 I kind of lost them.
00:48:00.000 I think I don't want to say it.
00:48:02.000 Well, there was two of them real recently.
00:48:04.000 There was one, maybe you remember it, but there was one where the justification was, I didn't rape her, I fell on her, and I just happened to be aroused, and I accidentally penetrated.
00:48:14.000 Yeah, exactly, and that's the best part.
00:48:15.000 He was fucking acquitted over that defense.
00:48:17.000 That was in the UK, though.
00:48:18.000 That was in the UK. The worst defense in the history.
00:48:21.000 Like, if you can come up...
00:48:22.000 How are we going to defend this guy?
00:48:24.000 Let's figure it out.
00:48:25.000 She was underage.
00:48:26.000 Yeah, you get laughed out of the room.
00:48:28.000 It's like the worst defense ever.
00:48:29.000 And he got acquitted.
00:48:30.000 See if you can find that.
00:48:31.000 He fell on her.
00:48:33.000 But how did they acquit him?
00:48:35.000 Whoever was on that jury, I guess it was a jury or whatever, judges, follow that guy forever.
00:48:43.000 Yeah, I would check their bank account.
00:48:44.000 It counts for a long time.
00:48:46.000 Somewhere you're going to find a hole in the ground with a bag of gold.
00:48:49.000 Here it is.
00:48:50.000 British man who told police he may have penetrated a teenager after falling on top of her, cleared of rape.
00:48:57.000 Whoa.
00:48:58.000 British millionaire who told the police he may have penetrated a teenager after falling on top of her, has been cleared of rape.
00:49:05.000 Try saying that name.
00:49:06.000 Eshan Abdulaziz was accused of forcing himself...
00:49:10.000 Oh, she was 18. 18 as she slept on the sofa...
00:49:32.000 Yeah, what?
00:49:34.000 So I can keep my balance, you know, but apparently I have great aim because somehow I managed to find their vagina.
00:49:40.000 The jury acquitted him of one count of rape after just 30 minutes of deliberations.
00:49:47.000 Wow.
00:49:48.000 That jury.
00:49:49.000 Somebody got paid.
00:49:50.000 They're going to be in Cancun.
00:49:51.000 Big time.
00:49:52.000 They're going to be on a fucking yacht balling.
00:49:54.000 Like a Jay-Z video.
00:49:56.000 Do-do [...]-do.
00:50:00.000 It's also fear, too.
00:50:02.000 When someone has that kind of money, you gotta wonder.
00:50:05.000 Is he a billionaire to say B.I. or M.I.? Well, pussy.
00:50:09.000 Doesn't even have a billion.
00:50:10.000 Come on, son.
00:50:11.000 I wonder how he got away with that.
00:50:13.000 That doesn't even make any sense.
00:50:14.000 Unless they just picked a super sympathetic pro-Muslim, I'm assuming he's Muslim with that name, pro-Muslim jury.
00:50:22.000 But even then, I mean, it's like, come on.
00:50:25.000 How did they do it?
00:50:26.000 Well, I really think what you laid out is the I'll buy you option or I'll have you killed option are really the only two logical explanations.
00:50:34.000 Because other than that, this is not a defense.
00:50:36.000 This is a late night joke.
00:50:39.000 First of all, look at that guy's fat face and tell me that guy keeps a raging erection.
00:50:44.000 Like all the time while he's walking around.
00:50:46.000 That guy's not healthy at all.
00:50:48.000 You're not 15. You're not like some young boy with a throbbing heart on that he just like literally runs his life.
00:50:55.000 That guy's probably lucky.
00:50:56.000 Unless he's on Viagra, he's lucky if he can get it up.
00:51:00.000 Yeah.
00:51:01.000 Look at him.
00:51:02.000 It's all fat and swollen.
00:51:04.000 That guy's not healthy enough to have a rod just all the time.
00:51:07.000 Fucking raging boner.
00:51:09.000 Oh, it slipped.
00:51:10.000 Oh, it just got in there.
00:51:11.000 His dick is like a heat-seeking missile.
00:51:14.000 It just finds its way into vaginas.
00:51:16.000 All he has to do is fall near the girl.
00:51:18.000 He just slips in there.
00:51:20.000 Yeah, it's not that easy.
00:51:22.000 You remember when you were 16, you have to work at it.
00:51:25.000 Yes, you have to work at it.
00:51:26.000 Jury acquitted him.
00:51:30.000 Yeah, there's no justice in the world.
00:51:32.000 If I was that girl's dad, or if I was that girl, or her mom, or anybody, just the girl herself.
00:51:38.000 Yeah.
00:51:39.000 Find that guy.
00:51:40.000 Yep.
00:51:40.000 Well, what is she saying?
00:51:41.000 That she was asleep and he just stuck his dick in her while she was out cold?
00:51:45.000 Basically.
00:51:46.000 And she woke up.
00:51:46.000 Hey, fucker.
00:51:47.000 He's like, I trip!
00:51:48.000 I trip!
00:51:49.000 I trip!
00:51:50.000 I fall inside you!
00:51:51.000 No big deal!
00:51:53.000 Can you imagine the odds?
00:51:55.000 But imagine if that's really what happened.
00:51:56.000 Like what if he's like walking on hardwood floors and he's wearing socks and he steps on a piece of paper and just whoops!
00:52:03.000 And she's not wearing anything.
00:52:05.000 He goes flying through the air.
00:52:06.000 He claimed he had gone to see if the young woman wanted a t-shirt to sleep in or a taxi home.
00:52:13.000 But he said she pulled him on top of her and placed his hand between her legs.
00:52:19.000 Oh!
00:52:20.000 His semen and DNA were found inside the young woman, but he said it was possible that he had semen on his hands from having sex with a 24-year-old earlier.
00:52:30.000 Um...
00:52:31.000 It's got the more complicated.
00:52:33.000 Well, if he got semen on his hands, how did he get it inside of her?
00:52:36.000 I slipped and my penis and my hands went inside of her.
00:52:40.000 Her vagina is huge!
00:52:42.000 It's cavernous!
00:52:45.000 He's...
00:52:46.000 Oh, God.
00:52:48.000 Like, that didn't even make any sense.
00:52:49.000 No.
00:52:50.000 She pulled him on top of her and placed his hand between her legs.
00:52:54.000 Boy, that's a squirrely fucking story.
00:52:57.000 Yeah.
00:52:58.000 Hmm.
00:53:00.000 Early hour, the young woman said she had woken up in the early hours of the morning with Mr. Abdullah Aziz on top of her, forcing himself inside of her.
00:53:09.000 He claimed he'd gone to see if the young woman wanted a t-shirt to sleep in or a taxi home.
00:53:15.000 Okay, I believe her.
00:53:16.000 How about that?
00:53:16.000 I think his story sucks.
00:53:19.000 Well, his story definitely sucks about slipping and falling in her.
00:53:22.000 That sucks.
00:53:22.000 But it sucks even more.
00:53:23.000 I had gone to see if she wanted a t-shirt to sleep in or a taxi home.
00:53:28.000 What a wonderful person you are.
00:53:30.000 You are amazing.
00:53:31.000 Did you also donate some money to a charity of her choice?
00:53:34.000 I was up all night trying to help orphans.
00:53:38.000 But also you think, how stupid do you have to be to make up this story?
00:53:41.000 Because you can turn it into a he said, he said kind of thing.
00:53:44.000 No, it was consensual.
00:53:45.000 No, it wasn't.
00:53:46.000 Then it's harder to prove, right?
00:53:47.000 There's an argument there.
00:53:49.000 This is like...
00:53:50.000 The most fucking ridiculous story ever.
00:53:52.000 How do you even sit down and say, no, no, I'm not going to go for the consensual thing.
00:53:55.000 I'm going to make up this crazy weird ass tale.
00:53:57.000 It's like, it makes no sense.
00:53:59.000 Meanwhile, he's free right now with his feet up on the coffee table, smoking a fat Cuban cigar, laughing.
00:54:06.000 Probably getting his dick sucked by some Russian hooker.
00:54:10.000 That's probably why the first few seasons of Dexter were so popular, right?
00:54:14.000 Before they fucked it up and it was still a good show.
00:54:16.000 First season was awesome.
00:54:18.000 Because everybody's got that thing, right?
00:54:19.000 There's so much nasty shit that happened in the world with no repercussions that everybody's got the fantasy of, fuck you, I'm gonna get you.
00:54:26.000 Boy, did they fuck that show up.
00:54:28.000 That show was like a work of art that the writers from Murder, She Wrote got a hold of.
00:54:34.000 And they just started shitting in the mouth of every character.
00:54:37.000 Yeah.
00:54:39.000 It became really bad.
00:54:40.000 God, it was awful.
00:54:42.000 It was so bad.
00:54:43.000 People kept telling me, no, no, you've got to give it a chance.
00:54:45.000 It gets better.
00:54:46.000 Fuck you.
00:54:48.000 I don't have that kind of time in my life.
00:54:49.000 I, in a masochistic effort, I stuck through it all.
00:54:53.000 I've seen every single episode, every single season.
00:54:55.000 I did not get any better by the end.
00:54:58.000 I think, you know, you get sucked in because you get the first three, four, five, whatever many seasons.
00:55:02.000 The first few are good, right?
00:55:03.000 And then you get like three, four more that are really not.
00:55:06.000 But you're like, No, but maybe they'll get the next one right.
00:55:09.000 You know, it's like, yeah, that did not happen.
00:55:12.000 You know what I watched that I really didn't realize what it was when it first came out, but how it really changed, was the first episode of The Sopranos.
00:55:20.000 It was a comedy.
00:55:22.000 Yep.
00:55:23.000 Well, I mean, yeah, in a weird way, but yeah, there was a lot of comedic element, for sure.
00:55:27.000 When the woman had the machine gun and she ran outside with the AK-47, the wife, that was so out of character.
00:55:34.000 Who she became later in the show, that episode was this preposterous gang family, mob family.
00:55:42.000 It was weird.
00:55:43.000 But they have some moments in there.
00:55:45.000 I remember even the end of season one where they were chasing this dude through the woods to shoot him and the dude is screaming all of a sudden.
00:55:51.000 You got shot and he's like, no, fuck, Poison Ivy!
00:55:54.000 And he's all pissed off about that.
00:55:55.000 And it's like, they throw in these weird elements to make it...
00:55:58.000 It was really well written.
00:55:59.000 Yeah, it was definitely really well written.
00:56:02.000 And it got better.
00:56:03.000 As it got darker and weirder, it got better.
00:56:05.000 That was like one of the few shows ever where they figured out a way for you to feel sympathetic about a murderer.
00:56:12.000 Oh, yeah.
00:56:13.000 Because Tony Soprano wasn't a murderer.
00:56:15.000 Absolutely.
00:56:16.000 But you liked him.
00:56:17.000 You liked him, yeah.
00:56:18.000 I even had...
00:56:19.000 I remember having...
00:56:21.000 Nightmares of, shit, the FBI is trying to get me.
00:56:23.000 I have to hide this stuff.
00:56:25.000 I was all like...
00:56:25.000 Really?
00:56:25.000 Because you relate to the guy after a while.
00:56:27.000 Or at least I did.
00:56:28.000 I don't know if I like...
00:56:29.000 It's that fucking accent of yours.
00:56:31.000 Yeah, that's probably what it was.
00:56:32.000 Italian heritage, your last name as well.
00:56:34.000 Yeah.
00:56:35.000 Exactly.
00:56:35.000 It was a dark time for Italian-Americans, though, because everybody wanted to be, like, connected to the mob back then.
00:56:41.000 All those really...
00:56:42.000 Dumb East Coast guineas were like so celebratory and they were upping all their guineaness.
00:56:48.000 That's painful.
00:56:49.000 They would crank it up to a 10. Hey, this fucking guy with the thing in the goes.
00:56:54.000 I blame the Sopranos for Jersey Shore.
00:56:58.000 I think that was a direct connection there.
00:57:00.000 I think you have a point.
00:57:02.000 Yeah, and the Real Housewives of Jersey, which is the most disgusting version of Real Housewives.
00:57:06.000 Yeah, that was pretty bad.
00:57:07.000 Real Housewives of Miami, they should just give them knives.
00:57:10.000 They should just give those bitches knives and let them cut each other.
00:57:12.000 Those are fucking savages.
00:57:14.000 But Jersey's the grossest.
00:57:17.000 And then, now that one family, the woman's in jail, and...
00:57:20.000 She's doing time, and then she gets out, the husband's got to go in, because only one can stay out and watch the kids, so they...
00:57:26.000 Take turns.
00:57:27.000 Yeah, they're taking turns.
00:57:28.000 I think it's like a tax evasion thing, right?
00:57:30.000 They high-five each other on the way in and out.
00:57:32.000 It's like, okay, your turn now.
00:57:34.000 Go!
00:57:34.000 I'm in favor of people going to jail for stealing things, but man, that tax evasion thing is a tricky one.
00:57:39.000 How about you just fucking pay what you owe?
00:57:41.000 How come that's the only time when you owe something you go to jail?
00:57:45.000 If you owe credit card money, you have to pay it.
00:57:48.000 You owe student loan money, you have to pay it.
00:57:51.000 You owe taxes, go to jail, bitch.
00:57:53.000 Block you in a cage.
00:57:54.000 Yeah, that's nuts.
00:57:55.000 It's gangster.
00:57:56.000 They're the big gangsters.
00:57:57.000 That's what I mean.
00:57:58.000 That's exactly what I was saying about sort of mafia and government being identical.
00:58:02.000 It's the same shit.
00:58:03.000 I mean, even like the mafia is funny because a lot of the early mafia stuff came up as a form of government, you know, when like in Southern Italy when they were invaded by the Spaniards, by the French.
00:58:13.000 So the government was not on the people side.
00:58:15.000 They were an occupying force trying to squeeze as much wealth out of the country as possible.
00:58:21.000 Because they couldn't turn to the government, a lot of the people started turning to this made-up local organization, which eventually...
00:58:27.000 Because they provide all these services, but they are also the mafia.
00:58:32.000 And so the original stuff, you can see the logic why beside the criminal element, and then it evolves completely into just criminal element and nothing else.
00:58:40.000 But it's like, there's a reason why.
00:58:42.000 There's a logic to it, and it mirrors a state in every level.
00:58:46.000 The hierarchy of it all.
00:58:48.000 The way they handle business, you know, the whole thing is mirrored on the state.
00:58:51.000 Yeah, and if you look at the amount of atrocities committed per capita, I mean, it's probably pretty similar.
00:58:57.000 I mean, the mafia does some awful shit, but so does the government.
00:59:01.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:59:01.000 So does the military.
00:59:03.000 I mean, think about the amount of innocent people that are accidentally killed.
00:59:08.000 Every day, just during military actions.
00:59:12.000 That's right, to me, the big war conquerors or the mafia bosses.
00:59:16.000 That's why, to me, those stories are the same thing.
00:59:18.000 It's about the guys struggling for power against these enemies.
00:59:21.000 It's the same thing over and over, you know.
00:59:23.000 It's...
00:59:24.000 Yeah, the mafia has its ancient system of government and laws and rules.
00:59:30.000 And, you know, so do the Sandinistas.
00:59:33.000 So do the Contras.
00:59:34.000 You can go down the line.
00:59:38.000 So did Genghis Khan.
00:59:39.000 So did Alexander the Great.
00:59:40.000 They all had their own sort of systems of government and rules that you had to live by.
00:59:46.000 Speaking of Genghis Khan, did you check out the show Marco Polo?
00:59:48.000 Yes, it's good.
00:59:49.000 I liked it.
00:59:50.000 It's a good show.
00:59:51.000 I didn't finish it.
00:59:52.000 They did a prequel right now.
00:59:54.000 They did like a half hour on the badass Taoist monk.
00:59:57.000 It's pretty cool.
00:59:58.000 I dug it.
00:59:59.000 It's well written.
01:00:00.000 It's good stuff.
01:00:02.000 It's a very expensive show apparently.
01:00:03.000 Is it?
01:00:04.000 Yeah, because the sets are massive.
01:00:06.000 They make it look like the Mongol era.
01:00:11.000 It's a 1200s.
01:00:12.000 I hope they don't cancel it for money, because you know which one they cancel for money that killed me?
01:00:16.000 Probably my favorite show of all times.
01:00:19.000 You ever seen Rome?
01:00:20.000 No.
01:00:21.000 HBO1? No.
01:00:22.000 That was so good.
01:00:23.000 Was it really?
01:00:24.000 Amazing.
01:00:25.000 Really?
01:00:25.000 The reconstruction, it's a trip.
01:00:28.000 It's so good.
01:00:28.000 How come I didn't hear about it?
01:00:29.000 I don't know.
01:00:30.000 It was back, where was it?
01:00:32.000 2004, 2005, something like that?
01:00:33.000 Was it that long ago?
01:00:34.000 Yeah, it was a while back, but they only did two seasons, but they are five.
01:00:37.000 Fucking awesome.
01:00:38.000 No shit.
01:00:39.000 I watched every season twice, maybe even more.
01:00:42.000 It was that good.
01:00:43.000 The main character is pretty much a variation on Conan.
01:00:49.000 It's so cool.
01:00:51.000 And oddly enough, the guy who created the show was John Milius, who was the guy who directed the first Conan, was the guy who was behind part of the creative directing of the early UFC. He's the guy who wrote Apocalypse Now.
01:01:03.000 Oh, wow.
01:01:03.000 He's ending so many of the things I dig.
01:01:06.000 But yeah, that show, man, if you have never seen it, check it out.
01:01:09.000 I mean, today it looks tame by comparison because so much stuff has been done afterwards that just takes it ten notches.
01:01:16.000 But for the time, it was also pretty intense with nudity and violence and the grittiness of it all.
01:01:21.000 It's an awesome show, man.
01:01:23.000 So it sort of opened the door maybe for things like Game of Thrones?
01:01:26.000 Big time.
01:01:27.000 Big, big time.
01:01:28.000 It's funny how a show like that didn't catch on, but a show like Game of Thrones does, you know, or Sopranos does.
01:01:33.000 I think what it was is Rome was actually doing fairly well, but not well enough for the budget.
01:01:38.000 I think the budget was too inflated compared to the results.
01:01:41.000 The results were good, you know, people liked it.
01:01:43.000 The critical reviews were great.
01:01:44.000 It had an audience, you know, was good.
01:01:47.000 You know, the Sopranos, you shoot it in somebody's house, the budget is not going to be what you have to recreate Ancient Rome on a grand scale.
01:01:54.000 It's a different kind of game right there.
01:01:55.000 So HBO, I think it wasn't that, oh, this show is tanking.
01:01:58.000 This show is doing well, but it costs too much fucking money.
01:02:02.000 Those shows, they didn't have the option of selling them on iTunes back then, did they?
01:02:06.000 No, exactly.
01:02:07.000 What, in 2004?
01:02:08.000 Did they have iTunes back then?
01:02:10.000 They kind of did, right, I want to say?
01:02:12.000 If they even did, it would have been set much in the early stages.
01:02:15.000 Isn't that crazy?
01:02:16.000 It's fucking ten years ago.
01:02:18.000 I know, but it's another universe completely.
01:02:20.000 It might as well be.
01:02:21.000 With everything.
01:02:21.000 With social media, with everything.
01:02:23.000 It's a whole other universe.
01:02:25.000 How many podcasts were around back then?
01:02:28.000 Was there like a few people started fucking with it, but nothing on a big scale yet?
01:02:33.000 It's probably something.
01:02:34.000 There's probably something.
01:02:36.000 This podcast has been around for six years, so since 2009, 9, 10, somewhere around then.
01:02:45.000 I think we were doing it in December of 2009, so right before 2010. Well, I'm sure when you started podcasting Ward was a fraction of what it is today.
01:02:56.000 Yeah, it was real small.
01:02:58.000 Adam Carolla had one, and there was a few other ones.
01:03:03.000 You know, Adam Curry had one of the first ones and John Dvorak.
01:03:09.000 But I didn't know about them.
01:03:11.000 Right.
01:03:11.000 I didn't download them back then.
01:03:13.000 I got the inspiration to do mine from Anthony Cumia.
01:03:16.000 Because Anthony Cumia from Opie& Anthony had this set up in his basement where, you know, he had a lot of money and he had a cool house.
01:03:24.000 He lived by himself.
01:03:25.000 So he put up a green screen.
01:03:27.000 And set up a stage where he had a nice desk and some real professional cameras and started doing this thing called Live from the Compound.
01:03:36.000 And Live from the Compound was like his own little fuck around, have some fun at home show.
01:03:41.000 He had like Guinness on tap and he would just drink and talk shit and it was really fun to watch.
01:03:45.000 And I realized, I was like, wow, here's a guy...
01:03:48.000 That's on Sirius.
01:03:49.000 You know, he's on the Opie and Anthony show.
01:03:51.000 It's a very popular show on Sirius.
01:03:52.000 And he's decided just for fun to do this thing in his basement.
01:03:56.000 He's not making any money from it.
01:03:58.000 It's just for fun.
01:03:59.000 And I thought about it and I said, you know what?
01:04:01.000 I could probably do something like that.
01:04:03.000 And so we started doing it off of...
01:04:06.000 We're good to go.
01:04:23.000 There wasn't that much going on back then.
01:04:25.000 And then we got in right at the right time.
01:04:29.000 And then in the next few years, other comics started starting their own podcasts.
01:04:35.000 And then everybody, all these different people, Bill Burr, and Diaz, and Duncan, and everybody else started doing podcasts as well, and they all took off.
01:04:46.000 Well, you are single-handedly responsible for the growth of podcasts.
01:04:50.000 There are so many podcasts that are people who came through your show and then went, huh, I should do one.
01:04:55.000 There's a long list of people.
01:04:58.000 There's a few, yeah.
01:04:59.000 I try to help them, too.
01:05:00.000 I want them to do podcasts.
01:05:02.000 I just think it's the best form of...
01:05:04.000 If you're a comic, it's the best form of expression where you can...
01:05:08.000 People get to know the actual you.
01:05:12.000 Like, 100% you.
01:05:14.000 For three hours...
01:05:16.000 Or whatever it is, you do yours, over the course of 700, and now we're like 750-something, 755?
01:05:23.000 Yeah, that's a lot of hours.
01:05:24.000 Jesus Christ.
01:05:25.000 755 podcasts, most of them intoxicated.
01:05:28.000 A good percentage of them.
01:05:31.000 I know, I've seen that lately, though.
01:05:32.000 It hasn't happened as much.
01:05:34.000 The intoxication?
01:05:35.000 Yeah, in three...
01:05:37.000 There's some conversations you can't have intoxicated.
01:05:40.000 I see, I see, I see.
01:05:40.000 You'll just get too scatterbrained.
01:05:42.000 You want to talk about Smurfs or fucking Yetis or something.
01:05:46.000 In the middle of someone talking about the economy or Bitcoin.
01:05:50.000 I feel it.
01:05:51.000 Yeah, there's some that lend itself to it and some that don't.
01:05:55.000 It's really completely dependent upon the guest and what the subject is.
01:06:00.000 I like to mix it up, too.
01:06:02.000 You know, that's the thing about being a marijuana enthusiast.
01:06:05.000 Unless you're like a Doug Benson kind of guy who everybody just assumes is high 24-7.
01:06:11.000 Because that's kind of his shtick.
01:06:12.000 Even the name of his podcast, Getting Doug with High.
01:06:17.000 I get it.
01:06:18.000 You can't speak.
01:06:20.000 You know what I mean?
01:06:21.000 Right.
01:06:23.000 You know, I don't think...
01:06:25.000 Pot, I think, is like everything else.
01:06:26.000 It shouldn't be all the time.
01:06:28.000 For everything.
01:06:29.000 Yeah, I agree.
01:06:29.000 Everything, yeah.
01:06:30.000 It could be a crutch.
01:06:32.000 And it's not a crutch you want.
01:06:34.000 No.
01:06:34.000 It's a fun, beautiful aspect of nature and a great way to perturb your normal states of consciousness.
01:06:44.000 And give you some unique insight.
01:06:46.000 And yeah, it's a lot of benefits.
01:06:47.000 Makes you feel good.
01:06:48.000 Makes you enjoy wine.
01:06:50.000 It makes me, like, very friendly.
01:06:52.000 Pot makes me want to hug people.
01:06:54.000 Totally.
01:06:56.000 But I just think you should be cool with just life.
01:07:01.000 I'm a big fan, though, I have to say.
01:07:03.000 I'm a huge fan of the effect that we does on female sexuality.
01:07:07.000 Yeah.
01:07:07.000 The way...
01:07:08.000 At least in my experience, women respond to weed.
01:07:11.000 Oh, good God.
01:07:12.000 The good ones do.
01:07:13.000 Yeah, my best ally ever.
01:07:15.000 It's like suddenly you feel like a god.
01:07:17.000 You touch them and they have multiple orgasms and you're like, that was easy.
01:07:20.000 That didn't take much.
01:07:21.000 Well, it makes hugs feel good.
01:07:23.000 Just hugs.
01:07:24.000 Forget about sex.
01:07:25.000 Just smoke weed and hug.
01:07:26.000 It feels amazing, you know?
01:07:28.000 You ever done ecstasy?
01:07:29.000 No.
01:07:30.000 No.
01:07:30.000 It's been on my to-do list, but I've had...
01:07:33.000 You could hold hands with a dude when you're on ecstasy, and you wouldn't feel bad at all.
01:07:36.000 You and a dude could be rubbing each other's hands.
01:07:38.000 It doesn't feel bad at all.
01:07:39.000 They're like, yes, that's the best thing ever.
01:07:41.000 I'm telling you, it's...
01:07:42.000 Fuck.
01:07:43.000 One thing that it does, it's fucking terrible for your brain.
01:07:46.000 At least I used to qualify that, that when I did it, I probably did a little too much.
01:07:51.000 And the next day I just was so fucking stupid.
01:07:54.000 My brain didn't work good.
01:07:55.000 I've talked to many people who don't have that problem, but they don't have to do the same sort of things with their brain that I have to do.
01:08:03.000 So it depends on what you do.
01:08:05.000 Like if you go to work and you have a normal job and you don't have to do anything important and maybe, you know, maybe it's fine.
01:08:11.000 But if you're a person who has to think for a living and you have to do, like, stand-up comedy on stage or you have to write or you have to podcast or something like that, I couldn't imagine doing ecstasy and then doing a UFC the next day.
01:08:23.000 Yeah, that would be rough.
01:08:24.000 I wouldn't be able to do it.
01:08:25.000 That kind of the whole theory that there are all these, I don't know what, 5-HTP. Is that what it is that allow you not to have the downer afterwards?
01:08:36.000 I've never done it, but I would imagine, like I said, I only did XCT once.
01:08:41.000 And the one I did, I just totally did it naturally.
01:08:43.000 But I do take 5-HTP. I take New Mood, which is 5-HTP and L-Tryptophan.
01:08:48.000 That stuff definitely works.
01:08:50.000 But I've never done it in conjunction with Acid or with Mali or Ecstasy.
01:08:56.000 But actually, that's how it got invented.
01:08:58.000 That's how New Mood got invented.
01:09:00.000 Really?
01:09:01.000 Yeah, Aubrey was trying to figure out a way to mitigate partying.
01:09:04.000 I love Aubrey.
01:09:05.000 He has the best ideas.
01:09:08.000 I mean, this is his period.
01:09:09.000 It was called Roll Off.
01:09:13.000 We were chatting the other day and he had this old perfect scheme for basically having legal prostitution by using like a porn loophole that, you know, if there's a camera rolling that it's porn, it's not prostitution.
01:09:23.000 It is.
01:09:24.000 It's true.
01:09:25.000 It's true.
01:09:25.000 You can even sign a contract.
01:09:27.000 You could hire someone, sign a contract to have a porn film, and even just for your own benefit, you could have it for yourself, as long as you're filming.
01:09:37.000 Right.
01:09:37.000 That's hilarious.
01:09:38.000 It's so stupid.
01:09:39.000 I love the way Obre's brain works.
01:09:41.000 It's brilliant.
01:09:42.000 He's not the only one that's taught that, I'm sure.
01:09:44.000 No, I'm sure, but still.
01:09:45.000 The porn loophole is how porn stars get away with doing quote-unquote prostitution.
01:09:52.000 There was a girl that was at the comedy store, and she was telling guys that you could fuck her, but you have to pay her her rate, and you have to turn a camera on.
01:10:00.000 And she's like, I'm not a hooker.
01:10:02.000 I'm like, okay.
01:10:03.000 I don't even know what to say.
01:10:04.000 I gotta go.
01:10:07.000 No, I would have entertained that conversation for a while.
01:10:10.000 Yeah, I was getting ugly.
01:10:11.000 I think she had this dude with her.
01:10:13.000 I'm like, how does he fit in?
01:10:14.000 Yeah, that complicates things a little bit.
01:10:17.000 Well, he was like, I didn't know if he was the boyfriend or if he's the pimp, but he didn't, I mean, unless he had a gun, I don't know how he's going to protect her.
01:10:25.000 The whole thing was very strange.
01:10:26.000 But that's the Comedy Store.
01:10:27.000 The Comedy Store is a vortex of strange things.
01:10:30.000 Somehow or another, it just drags those people to that one place on sunset.
01:10:35.000 That and the Rainbow.
01:10:36.000 You ever go to the Rainbow Bar and Grill?
01:10:38.000 That's the place where they, when Lemmy died from Motorhead, they saved a seat for him.
01:10:43.000 That's awesome.
01:10:44.000 They have a seat that's permanently reserved.
01:10:46.000 Permanently?
01:10:47.000 Yeah, it's permanently reserved.
01:10:48.000 I like that place already.
01:10:49.000 Lemmy's seat.
01:10:50.000 Yeah, they have candles there and shit.
01:10:52.000 Like maybe if one of his band members comes there and they're all sold out, they'll let him sit there.
01:10:56.000 Maybe they let him slide.
01:10:57.000 Maybe not.
01:10:58.000 Maybe not.
01:10:58.000 Maybe you have to be a...
01:10:59.000 If it's like Lenny's friends.
01:11:01.000 If it's Lemmy's friends and they want to sit at Lemmy's table, I think that should fly.
01:11:04.000 That's okay, you know?
01:11:06.000 I think I can see different factions going to war over it.
01:11:10.000 It's like, no, this is for Lemmy, motherfucker!
01:11:13.000 We cannot do that!
01:11:13.000 And the other guys be like, this is France, come on, you can do it.
01:11:17.000 Yeah.
01:11:19.000 That's how religious warfare begins.
01:11:21.000 That is how...
01:11:24.000 Yeah, right?
01:11:25.000 Like sacred.
01:11:26.000 Anything sacred.
01:11:27.000 Sacred ground.
01:11:28.000 Sacred places.
01:11:30.000 Sacred things.
01:11:33.000 There's good and bad in them.
01:11:35.000 There's definitely merit in sacred things.
01:11:37.000 But, you know...
01:11:39.000 There's an area in Hawaii where the Keck Observatory is.
01:11:44.000 And they wanted to construct a larger, bigger telescope.
01:11:48.000 And apparently they have problems because the Native American, I guess Native American, Hawaiian, they're sort of Native American, they're Hawaiians.
01:11:56.000 The people that live there have some sacred ground up there that they don't think that you're supposed to build on.
01:12:02.000 Which, you know, I get it.
01:12:04.000 It's their spot, you know?
01:12:06.000 If all of a sudden some assholes come up there with a telescope.
01:12:08.000 Yeah.
01:12:09.000 I got that.
01:12:10.000 Have you ever been up there to the Keck Observatory?
01:12:12.000 Not to that one.
01:12:13.000 You ever been to the Big Island?
01:12:14.000 No, been only to Maui.
01:12:15.000 Big Island is awesome.
01:12:17.000 It's so strange because it's the biggest of the islands, but it's the least populated of the Hawaiian islands.
01:12:23.000 I heard that it's...
01:12:24.000 And it's also one where it has all these different ecosystems all on one island.
01:12:28.000 Like if you go like near the Hilo side where BJ Penn's from, it's all like tropical.
01:12:34.000 It's beautiful.
01:12:35.000 God, it rains all the time and it's lush and green and it's magical.
01:12:39.000 But then you go to like the other side, like the Kona side, and it's like...
01:12:45.000 It's totally different.
01:12:47.000 It's drier, and then there's areas that have these giant lava beds.
01:12:51.000 That's a trip.
01:12:51.000 Yeah.
01:12:52.000 I mean, the whole place is amazing.
01:12:54.000 Have you seen the lava beds?
01:12:55.000 Yeah.
01:12:55.000 I've seen some pretty crazy shit.
01:12:57.000 I don't know.
01:12:59.000 Hawaii is one of those places.
01:13:00.000 It's kind of a mystery that it's even part of the U.S., because it's in the middle of the fucking Pacific Ocean.
01:13:04.000 Five hours away, but I'm planning.
01:13:04.000 It has nothing to do with anything.
01:13:06.000 But it's a beautiful place.
01:13:07.000 I can see how you want to...
01:13:09.000 Well, how about Alaska?
01:13:10.000 You have to fly through Canada to get to it.
01:13:11.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:13:12.000 It's not even connected.
01:13:13.000 Those are bizarre.
01:13:14.000 It's a frozen Puerto Rico.
01:13:15.000 Yeah, it's a frozen Puerto Rico.
01:13:16.000 It doesn't make any sense.
01:13:18.000 Yeah, no, that's drapey right there.
01:13:20.000 Yeah.
01:13:21.000 No, but the thing you're saying about the sacred, and to me it's interesting because...
01:13:26.000 Precisely because you hold something sacred, to me, you need to be able to have humor, to laugh about it.
01:13:32.000 Not because you diminish its importance, it's in order to avoid fucking up and turn it into a dogma.
01:13:39.000 You know, the one thing that keeps things loose.
01:13:41.000 Speaking of American Indian stuff and spirituality, I remember being at some Lakota ceremonies where it was hilarious to see people who have grown up with it, so for them it's the real thing, versus some white guys who are coming up and they have their Hollywood fantasy about what it's supposed to be, right?
01:13:56.000 That's hilarious.
01:13:57.000 During the break of this ceremony, some of the Sundancers were giving the pipes to some of the people who were supporting there, right?
01:14:05.000 And these guys will take the pipe, they will smoke it, they will pass it to other people.
01:14:09.000 And I gave it to this white lady who was clearly taking herself real seriously, right?
01:14:14.000 So she's trying to light the pipe as she can, and she fails, and she fails, and she tries.
01:14:18.000 And then taking herself super serious, she takes a deep breath, and she goes, oh...
01:14:24.000 The spirits don't want me to light this pipe today.
01:14:27.000 And there was an old Lakota lady next to her who was trying to not die laughing, but she was trying to be polite, right?
01:14:34.000 But she was like, look, it's a windy day.
01:14:36.000 Just put the hand in front of the lighter when you light it and you're going to be okay.
01:14:41.000 Absolutely.
01:14:41.000 Windy day.
01:14:42.000 And the thing is, for the whole Lakota lady, the spirits and all of that, it's real, right?
01:14:46.000 But precisely because it's real, you can call when...
01:14:50.000 Sometimes the spirits are trying to tell you something.
01:14:52.000 Sometimes it's just a windy day.
01:14:53.000 Relax a little bit.
01:14:54.000 Lighten up.
01:14:55.000 Yeah, it's like someone saying to you, Namaste.
01:14:59.000 Most people who say Namaste are assholes.
01:15:02.000 Yeah, right.
01:15:04.000 I don't mean that they're mean people.
01:15:06.000 I don't mean they're assholes like they're mean, but just shut the fuck up, bitch.
01:15:10.000 Come on, man.
01:15:11.000 You don't really mean that.
01:15:11.000 You're just trying to be super spiritual.
01:15:13.000 Of course.
01:15:14.000 But I swear to God, there's yoga teachers that can say it after a yoga class, and you'll say it back.
01:15:20.000 And you mean it.
01:15:21.000 You mean it.
01:15:21.000 You mean it, because you just did 90 minutes of hell together.
01:15:25.000 And you'll say it, and you'll mean it.
01:15:27.000 But that's a tricky thing that sometimes the guy was the real deal and the guy was the total phony can sound exactly the same, except that one is real and one is not.
01:15:36.000 To me, a lot of these things about spirituality, they...
01:15:40.000 They make me throw up because they are so cheesy, so made up, so fake.
01:15:45.000 But then there are the moments where you go, oh shit, that was it.
01:15:48.000 Like the other day, man, this was trippy.
01:15:50.000 This guy from Canada emailed me and he's like, oh, we had this ceremony.
01:15:55.000 It was another Lakota thing, right?
01:15:56.000 American Indian stuff.
01:15:57.000 And he's like, we had a ceremony and we prayed also for your daughter and blah, blah, blah.
01:16:03.000 And I'm like, okay, thanks.
01:16:04.000 That's sweet.
01:16:05.000 And the guy goes, oh, by the way, I kind of have the feeling that she may be sensitive to things like that.
01:16:09.000 Ask her if by any chance she had a dream having to do with American Indians.
01:16:13.000 And I'm like, that's fucking weird because she doesn't remember her dreams nine nights out of ten.
01:16:18.000 And, you know, Indians, she never mentioned that once.
01:16:20.000 So there's no, right.
01:16:22.000 But I figure it doesn't hurt to ask.
01:16:23.000 So I try not to ask a leading question.
01:16:26.000 So I just ask her, hey, did you have any dream last night?
01:16:29.000 And she goes, no.
01:16:30.000 And I was like, you see, bullshit, whatever.
01:16:32.000 And then she goes, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
01:16:34.000 I had a dream.
01:16:35.000 Like, my grandpa was taking me to this place where there were Indians, and they taught me to speak Lakota, and yeah, we had a good time.
01:16:41.000 And I went like, holy fucking shit.
01:16:45.000 And I don't run with it.
01:16:47.000 You know, I don't say, oh, it's because of the spirits.
01:16:49.000 I have no fucking idea, right?
01:16:50.000 I'm just reporting what happens.
01:16:52.000 But when you look at it, you go like...
01:16:54.000 Oh shit.
01:16:55.000 Maybe the universe is a lot weirder than we assume sometimes.
01:16:59.000 The problem with something like that is you can't measure it.
01:17:02.000 Of course you can't.
01:17:03.000 There's no way.
01:17:04.000 Whenever anybody has a clairvoyant moment or a moment where they kind of have...
01:17:28.000 I'm not entirely convinced.
01:17:32.000 I like Sam, and I don't mean to talk shit about him, because I like him, and I dig his stuff.
01:17:37.000 But I think that's complete bullshit.
01:17:38.000 Like, to me, you're a fundamentalist as much as a religious fundamentalist.
01:17:42.000 Like, when you're trying so badly to explain everything, whether you're explaining it as in, it's because God did this, or because...
01:17:50.000 No, it's because it must be a coincidence, because the probability of this, that...
01:17:53.000 It's like...
01:17:54.000 Can you just admit that life is weird and we don't have all the explanations and leave it at that?
01:17:58.000 Well, I think he's right most of the time, though.
01:18:01.000 See, I think there's a lot of people that try to make things sound spiritual and connect circumstances and say, you know, it's fate and it's, you know, it's a psychic moment when really it's just total coincidence.
01:18:15.000 There is a lot of that.
01:18:17.000 A lot, though, is not everything.
01:18:19.000 It's not everything.
01:18:20.000 But it's hard to differentiate.
01:18:23.000 When you talk to a guy and he says that your daughter had some sort of a dream about Native Americans, find out if she's sensitive, and then you ask her, and she said, oh yeah, I had a dream about Native Americans.
01:18:33.000 Like, whoa, what the fuck?
01:18:35.000 What are the odds?
01:18:36.000 Most kids, yeah, I had a dream.
01:18:38.000 I was on the My Little Pony store.
01:18:40.000 I had all the money in the world.
01:18:42.000 And you had that.
01:18:43.000 It's like, literally, what the fuck are the odds, right?
01:18:46.000 It's like, what are the odds that she'll remember anything?
01:18:48.000 And what are the odds that it has anything to do with a topic that she never mentioned once in her life?
01:18:53.000 You ever have a dream about someone and you get an email from them the next day and you haven't talked to them in years?
01:18:57.000 Absolutely.
01:18:57.000 I don't necessarily believe that the only connections that people have to each other are physical.
01:19:03.000 You have to be there and see each other.
01:19:05.000 There very well might be some sort of a dream state connection or a thought connection that we just can't put on a scale.
01:19:14.000 We can't take a ruler and go, oh, this is seven inches long.
01:19:18.000 We can't measure it.
01:19:20.000 I've had enough of those experiences.
01:19:23.000 And again, not to believe, because I don't know what I believe, right?
01:19:25.000 I have no fucking idea.
01:19:26.000 I don't know how the universe works.
01:19:27.000 But I do have enough experiences that let me think, there's no way that this is a coincidence, this is a coincidence, this is a coincidence every single time.
01:19:37.000 That it just leaves me with kind of my mind is open to possibilities.
01:19:41.000 I don't know what's out there.
01:19:42.000 There's stuff that I experience.
01:19:43.000 There's stuff that I don't experience.
01:19:45.000 I have zero beliefs about the nature of reality because my tools are very limited about what I understand.
01:19:50.000 But there have been enough of those cases where you go, oh shit, that was like once when I was, I don't know, maybe 18 or something.
01:19:56.000 I went hiking with my friends, go up the mountain.
01:20:00.000 And we go back, which was great because I was alone with these two hot women.
01:20:05.000 The other guy was with us and gone off.
01:20:07.000 I'm like, fuck you.
01:20:09.000 Hopefully you'll disappear somewhere and I get to enjoy the attention of these two hot women for the rest of the day.
01:20:15.000 This is as good as it gets.
01:20:17.000 And like at one point, I literally, it's like somebody, like a phone rang where I got up and I'm like, fuck, there's a problem.
01:20:24.000 This dude is having a problem right now.
01:20:26.000 And there's really no reason to think it.
01:20:28.000 He said he'll be back four hours later, an hour had gone by.
01:20:30.000 There's no reason whatsoever to feel that way.
01:20:32.000 And that's what I tell myself.
01:20:33.000 He's like, that's bullshit.
01:20:35.000 Why are you making, what kind of a bullshit excuse not to deal with the women?
01:20:39.000 That's beautiful.
01:20:40.000 You know, stay here.
01:20:41.000 What are you saying?
01:20:42.000 I try, I try, keep getting in my head, right?
01:20:45.000 She's like, no, there's a fucking big problem and it may not be a bad idea to pay attention to it.
01:20:50.000 I'm like, Jesus Christ, you ruined my day even when I are not here.
01:20:54.000 Fuck you, I don't like you already.
01:20:56.000 But I'm like, okay, this is bugging me.
01:20:58.000 Fine, I'll walk up, I'll start going up the mountain and see what the hell, like, none of this makes sense.
01:21:04.000 Going up the mountain, there's 15 different paths that you can take to go up the mountain.
01:21:08.000 I don't know which one it took.
01:21:10.000 Take a stab and just pick one because I don't know what else to do.
01:21:14.000 I keep going and I hear this voice calling me.
01:21:18.000 So I call back and eventually I hear my friend's voice calling again.
01:21:23.000 I find if the dude got dehydrated, had gone up too fast and he was done, right?
01:21:28.000 He had no energy left.
01:21:29.000 He was on the floor, just collapsed.
01:21:32.000 What kind of pussies are you hanging around with?
01:21:33.000 What a wimp.
01:21:35.000 And peek the guy up.
01:21:36.000 Dehydrated after an hour.
01:21:37.000 No, no.
01:21:39.000 He said he was going to be back at a time, but he had been there longer.
01:21:41.000 How long have you been there?
01:21:42.000 I don't know.
01:21:43.000 In any case, I don't like him anymore, so I'm all good with that.
01:21:46.000 I like your tea, and he's like, fuck him, he's a pussy.
01:21:48.000 I have no problem with that.
01:21:50.000 That's the universe.
01:21:51.000 The universe wanted him to die up there.
01:21:52.000 You should have left him alone.
01:21:52.000 Yeah, I know.
01:21:53.000 Bang those chicks.
01:21:54.000 I don't, man.
01:21:55.000 Had a party.
01:21:55.000 That's like one of my deepest regrets.
01:21:57.000 Brought a skull home.
01:21:58.000 Use it as a candle holder.
01:21:59.000 Exactly.
01:22:00.000 It's like, hey, look at that.
01:22:02.000 But, you know, it's those moments you're like, why did I have that thought?
01:22:07.000 Why did I pick this one?
01:22:08.000 So did you have to carry him down?
01:22:08.000 Yeah.
01:22:09.000 You carried him down?
01:22:10.000 Yeah, it was a pain in the...
01:22:10.000 Oh, my God.
01:22:12.000 Now I... Just bring it up, this story.
01:22:14.000 Now I'm pissed off.
01:22:15.000 No women.
01:22:16.000 Save this asshole.
01:22:17.000 What did the girls do?
01:22:18.000 They go back.
01:22:18.000 They're eating each other out.
01:22:20.000 Yeah, they were...
01:22:20.000 They go back right when they're done coming.
01:22:22.000 They had this attitude, which was like, really?
01:22:24.000 You want to go?
01:22:25.000 Okay, you're lost.
01:22:26.000 Oh, my God.
01:22:27.000 Oh, my God.
01:22:28.000 By doing this.
01:22:29.000 Were you at least a hero when they found out that the guy was dying?
01:22:32.000 Sure.
01:22:33.000 Great.
01:22:33.000 I was a hero.
01:22:34.000 Who cares?
01:22:36.000 For the people listening, he's making the handjob gesture.
01:22:38.000 Yeah.
01:22:39.000 That's just the not at all.
01:22:41.000 Yeah, I wonder what that is.
01:22:44.000 Maybe you just didn't have any faith in your friend.
01:22:46.000 You knew he was kind of an idiot.
01:22:47.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.
01:22:48.000 In fact, I don't know.
01:22:49.000 It could be, right?
01:22:50.000 I'm not saying that.
01:22:51.000 Like, the dream thing from last night, that was even weirder.
01:22:53.000 This one, I can see how it could be something else, right?
01:22:56.000 Well, if I was Sam Harris, I'd say, well, let's just examine.
01:23:00.000 Think for a moment about the possibilities.
01:23:02.000 Right.
01:23:03.000 Yeah.
01:23:03.000 I don't think that he's necessarily completely averse to the idea of there being some sort of connection.
01:23:11.000 I think he, and like you and I agree, most of that stuff is like the lady that says, the spirits don't want me to light the pipe.
01:23:18.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:23:18.000 Most of it's bullshit.
01:23:19.000 Yeah, I agree completely.
01:23:20.000 Man, I'll tell you one thing that changed my perception on just the supernatural and the spiritual is looking into it.
01:23:28.000 When I did that sci-fi show and when I did a show called Joe Rogan Questions, not Joe Rogan Questions Everything, a game show in my head.
01:23:36.000 And the game show in my head show was a hidden camera show where the people had like an earpiece in and we would tell them to go do things.
01:23:44.000 And we set this one up in Hollywood, and, you know, it was a game show, like, here's your task, this is what you have to do.
01:23:50.000 And one of the things they had to do was, we told them that you're a reporter for a local television station.
01:23:57.000 You're doing the news, and you're reporting on a UFO sighting.
01:24:01.000 You have to find someone and tell them, listen, I had a witness, they were here for this UFO story, we have the cameras here, but they took off.
01:24:09.000 Are you willing to say that you saw the UFO too?
01:24:12.000 Wow.
01:24:13.000 Fucking everyone said yes.
01:24:15.000 Really?
01:24:16.000 Not only did they say yes, they went right into these elaborate, fake stories on camera, and I went, wow.
01:24:24.000 It just was such an eye-opener for me.
01:24:26.000 I was like, how many of those people that you see in those UFO documentaries?
01:24:32.000 The famous one was the Phoenix Lights.
01:24:34.000 Did you ever see the Phoenix Lights?
01:24:36.000 The Phoenix Lights was a series of sightings that happened in Phoenix, I want to say in the early 90s maybe.
01:24:43.000 And it was very controversial because the governor...
01:24:49.000 Was saying he was going to get to the bottom of this.
01:24:51.000 This is all very controversial.
01:24:54.000 And then he held a press conference and made a mockery out of it by having someone dress up like an alien and say, we found the culprit and here he is.
01:25:02.000 The guy comes out and he's got an alien costume on.
01:25:05.000 And the UFO believers were really pissed off because they were like, fuck you, I saw something.
01:25:09.000 There was a triangle-shaped object the size of a football field.
01:25:13.000 It was flying overhead.
01:25:14.000 It wasn't making any noise.
01:25:15.000 Like, all these people had all these things that they said that they saw, but there's almost no evidence.
01:25:21.000 There's only evidence of these lights that are floating in the sky that they think were...
01:25:25.000 Yeah, there's the governor.
01:25:27.000 Arizona governor and the fucking alien.
01:25:29.000 It's hilarious.
01:25:30.000 But...
01:25:31.000 What people were saying that they saw, there was one explanation that made sense, and that was there were flares that the government had let loose with parachutes, and they were drifting down from the sky slowly, and they fell behind the mountain ranges,
01:25:47.000 and that's why they disappeared.
01:25:49.000 If you look at the actual video that the people did get, they're just lights that are hovering in the sky.
01:25:55.000 There's no triangle-shaped black objects that are flying around, but everybody had all these...
01:26:00.000 And so as soon as you start saying, hey, there's a Phoenix lights and people saw a UFO. Me too!
01:26:06.000 Man, I saw it!
01:26:07.000 I was on my porch.
01:26:08.000 It was strange.
01:26:08.000 The night was electric.
01:26:09.000 I felt it in the air or something.
01:26:12.000 No, and I agree with you.
01:26:13.000 In fact, to me, 99% of these stories are such bullshit.
01:26:17.000 But to me, it's like sometimes there are some that you can't explain, which doesn't mean it's real.
01:26:21.000 It doesn't mean we know why or, yes, it was a UFO or it was anything else or it was that, yeah, there was something that came into somebody's dream.
01:26:28.000 Who knows, right?
01:26:29.000 I have no idea.
01:26:30.000 But why the hell are we trying to explain it away every single time?
01:26:34.000 Sometimes just say, there is no explanation.
01:26:36.000 Who knows why?
01:26:37.000 Hey, that's weird.
01:26:38.000 Leave it at that.
01:26:39.000 You don't have to run with it, but you don't have to deny it either.
01:26:42.000 You know what's amazing, man?
01:26:44.000 Ghost shows.
01:26:46.000 What's that?
01:26:46.000 Those ghost shows?
01:26:48.000 Ghost Hunter shows?
01:26:49.000 All those fucking years and all those episodes.
01:26:53.000 And those motherfuckers got nothing.
01:26:55.000 It's faithful.
01:26:57.000 It's like, let's see what comes after the commercial break.
01:27:00.000 Oh, that was nothing.
01:27:01.000 Play a tape recorder.
01:27:02.000 Listen, listen to it very clearly.
01:27:04.000 Did you hear that?
01:27:06.000 It was clearly.
01:27:07.000 Clearly what he was saying.
01:27:09.000 Yeah, those are the best.
01:27:10.000 Yeah, who knows what the fuck that is?
01:27:12.000 There's like so much shenanigans and fuckery going on on those shows.
01:27:16.000 Wasn't there like a fucking murder recently?
01:27:18.000 Like a ghost hunter killed his wife and killed himself?
01:27:23.000 Yeah, I heard something like that.
01:27:24.000 Something like that?
01:27:25.000 Like a famous one on television or something like that.
01:27:28.000 Yeah, what the hell?
01:27:29.000 Jamie will find it.
01:27:30.000 But yeah, that and those mediums, like the Long Island psychic, get the fuck out of here.
01:27:37.000 And that's in fact the problem, that that war is filled with so many charlatans that it's not even funny.
01:27:43.000 Couple featured on Ghost Adventures, dead and apparent murder-suicide.
01:27:48.000 Damn.
01:27:50.000 Whoo!
01:27:51.000 Self-styled paranormal investigators.
01:27:53.000 Yeah, they don't give a fucking degree for that.
01:27:56.000 Not exactly.
01:27:56.000 Paranormal investigation.
01:27:58.000 Mark and Debbie Constantino, is that what it says?
01:28:01.000 And a third still unidentified man were killed yesterday in Sparks, Nevada.
01:28:07.000 That's where it goes down.
01:28:09.000 When a domestic violence incident turned deadly, the Constantinos killed themselves.
01:28:15.000 What?
01:28:16.000 Billed themselves as electronic...
01:28:18.000 Make that larger.
01:28:31.000 Wow.
01:28:33.000 Oh, the couple were estranged.
01:28:34.000 Oh, okay.
01:28:38.000 He found her with a new dude.
01:28:40.000 He killed them both and killed himself.
01:28:43.000 Debbie Constantino had been living with two roommates.
01:28:47.000 Approximately 8 a.m.
01:28:48.000 Tuesday, the police were called to her apartment after one of her roommates found their male roommate dead and Debbie missing.
01:28:53.000 Yep, that's it.
01:28:54.000 Police eventually discovered that she was being held hostage by Mark Constantino in an apartment belonging to one of the couple's adult children.
01:29:01.000 Attempts to negotiate failed.
01:29:03.000 Around 1.30 p.m., a SWAT team breached the apartment door and found both people dead.
01:29:07.000 Jesus Christ.
01:29:09.000 Heavy.
01:29:10.000 Ooh, can't people just break up?
01:29:13.000 Yeah, seriously.
01:29:14.000 Like, what the fuck?
01:29:16.000 Like, murder-suicide, when people break up, like, goddamn, you pussy.
01:29:20.000 You fucking pussy.
01:29:22.000 You can't handle her finding a new person?
01:29:24.000 Yep.
01:29:25.000 God, people are so weak in that regard.
01:29:27.000 That is one of the weaker aspects of humanity, is the inability to accept that someone doesn't want to fuck you anymore.
01:29:34.000 She wants some new dick.
01:29:36.000 Let her go.
01:29:36.000 She's still got some life left in her.
01:29:39.000 By the time you're 17, you should be over that.
01:29:41.000 It's like you deal with it the first time that you learn.
01:29:44.000 So brutal.
01:29:45.000 I don't even dig, like, when people flip out about exes.
01:29:48.000 You know, it's almost a stereotype how everybody talks shit about their ex.
01:29:51.000 Yeah.
01:29:52.000 I'm like, why, motherfucker?
01:29:53.000 You brought them into your life.
01:29:54.000 Yeah.
01:29:55.000 You are the one who, like, if you didn't see it, worry about what's going on with you if they were really that bad.
01:30:00.000 If they were such horrible human beings and you are the one who brought them in.
01:30:04.000 Or maybe they are not fucking bad and you're just blowing it out of proportion because you're a drama queen and you can't deal with the fact that they are with somebody else.
01:30:10.000 There's definitely that.
01:30:12.000 Well, there's definitely some people that got fucked over, like divorces where dudes have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for the rest of their life.
01:30:19.000 But even that, to me, is interesting because it's like...
01:30:21.000 No, it's not.
01:30:22.000 It's horrific.
01:30:23.000 It is, but it's the same woman that you brought in your life and you didn't fucking see that she was capable of all of that.
01:30:30.000 You know what I mean?
01:30:30.000 So yes, while she's the scum of the earth and you can and should be pissed with her, I would also reserve a little bit for your own judgment of how you opened the door to this lady.
01:30:39.000 Well, the problem is that there's a legal option.
01:30:41.000 It's not that she's the scum of the earth.
01:30:43.000 The problem is you are breaking up.
01:30:44.000 She does feel pain.
01:30:46.000 I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel pain when someone wants to fuck someone else, because you're going to.
01:30:51.000 It's going to happen.
01:30:52.000 You're going to feel terrible.
01:30:53.000 You're going to feel jealousy.
01:30:54.000 You're going to feel sadness.
01:30:55.000 You're going to feel loss.
01:30:56.000 It's going to happen.
01:30:57.000 But what I'm saying is, you have to have some fucking perspective, all right?
01:31:00.000 You are a human being, and if you're here in America, you lived in the best place on the planet in 2016, which is the best time ever to be alive.
01:31:09.000 And you fucking pussy.
01:31:10.000 You got Match.com.
01:31:12.000 You got Tinder.
01:31:13.000 Get to cracking, baby.
01:31:15.000 Right.
01:31:16.000 Start slinging dick.
01:31:17.000 You could sling dick today.
01:31:19.000 You could sling vagina.
01:31:20.000 You can do whatever you want to do today.
01:31:22.000 This is a different world.
01:31:24.000 Move on.
01:31:24.000 You'll find someone that you don't want to not be with, or that you do want to be with, that you can get along with.
01:31:30.000 Work on yourself.
01:31:32.000 Figure it out, man.
01:31:33.000 Don't go on a murder-suicide rampage.
01:31:35.000 I know.
01:31:36.000 But...
01:31:37.000 This woman, like, I have a friend who I've talked about him before.
01:31:41.000 He was divorced, and the divorce is brutal.
01:31:44.000 It took forever.
01:31:45.000 She went to all the other lawyers in town so that he couldn't go to them because she had contacted them first.
01:31:52.000 It's just brutal, brutal shit.
01:31:55.000 And she tortured him for, like...
01:31:58.000 For two years, like changing the terms of the divorce, all the while he's paying for her lawyer, he's paying for his lawyer, he's paying for everything.
01:32:06.000 She was trying to bleed him out.
01:32:08.000 Then she got this ridiculous settlement.
01:32:10.000 She got his house, massive, beautiful fucking house overlooking the ocean, like the whole deal.
01:32:15.000 And on top of that, because they were married for 12 years...
01:32:24.000 Sure.
01:32:25.000 Sure.
01:32:39.000 And the lawyer came to her and said, listen, you helped him.
01:32:42.000 Right.
01:32:42.000 You helped him.
01:32:43.000 Meanwhile, she didn't do shit.
01:32:45.000 She walked around the fucking Beverly Hills with a little tiny dog and got her nails done and got her fucking pedicure done and talked a lot of shit about him while he was at work.
01:32:53.000 And that guy just busted his ass all day long, but because that was his quote-unquote wife, because they scribbled their name on some paper and said, I do.
01:33:03.000 That guy's fucked for the rest of his life.
01:33:04.000 I mean, I see the point.
01:33:05.000 Don't get me wrong.
01:33:06.000 There are the cases where the X is the evil demon from hell.
01:33:10.000 I get that.
01:33:11.000 But A, still, while it's their fault and it's not yours, still you are the one who didn't see that they were a demon from hell and brought them in.
01:33:18.000 And two, also is...
01:33:20.000 Yeah, they suck.
01:33:21.000 Now what?
01:33:22.000 I don't even think they suck.
01:33:24.000 I think she's got nothing going on, and this is there to her.
01:33:27.000 It's like, what is she going to do?
01:33:29.000 Is she going to work all day and take some job that sucks?
01:33:32.000 She's in her late 40s, early 50s now.
01:33:35.000 She's an older lady.
01:33:36.000 She doesn't have the best health.
01:33:38.000 Like, what is she going to do?
01:33:40.000 Or is she just going to keep taking hundreds of thousands of dollars every year because the law says it's okay?
01:33:45.000 Well, I think there's a lot of...
01:33:47.000 Like, those are two pretty dramatic extremes.
01:33:50.000 They're like, I'm never going to take a penny and I'm going to go back to work 10 hours a day to make it.
01:33:54.000 Who the fuck says that?
01:33:56.000 Nobody says that.
01:33:57.000 They never pass on the money.
01:33:58.000 That's my point, right?
01:33:59.000 But the other one is also you're an asshole.
01:34:01.000 It's not just it's there as an option.
01:34:02.000 It's you choose an option that's designed to bleed the other person dry when you know it's not right.
01:34:07.000 Well, he makes good money, so it's not like he's getting bled dry, but he has to pay an exorbitant amount of money every year to a person that he doesn't fuck anymore.
01:34:16.000 And now he has a wife and he has children, he has a whole new family, and still a giant chunk of his income goes to this lady that he doesn't have anything to do with anymore, and it will to the day she dies.
01:34:27.000 So she lives to be 500 years old because of modern science.
01:34:30.000 This fucking dude is paying her for the next 400 years.
01:34:33.000 Yeah, but it's...
01:34:34.000 Yeah, that makes you think twice about marriage, doesn't it?
01:34:37.000 It's incredible.
01:34:37.000 It's stupid.
01:34:38.000 And I'm married.
01:34:39.000 And I'm happy.
01:34:40.000 I'll tell you right now.
01:34:41.000 I'm a happily married person.
01:34:42.000 I love my wife.
01:34:43.000 I love having a family.
01:34:44.000 It's nice for me.
01:34:45.000 It works.
01:34:47.000 But it's stupid.
01:34:48.000 Like, the contract is dumb.
01:34:50.000 It's a dumb legal contract.
01:34:52.000 And it's an archaic one.
01:34:54.000 And I can understand child support.
01:34:58.000 I can understand all that stuff.
01:35:00.000 I understand all that.
01:35:01.000 But what drives me crazy is this idea that, in my friend's case, somehow or another, because he lived with her for 12 years...
01:35:10.000 By the way, it was more than 12 years ago that they separated.
01:35:13.000 So let's think of that.
01:35:15.000 But because he lived with her for 12 years, he has somehow or another fucked her to the point where she can't work anymore.
01:35:23.000 Like, he gave her so much dick during the time we were together.
01:35:25.000 She's just discombobulated.
01:35:27.000 She can't fill out a form.
01:35:29.000 If you have a child, okay?
01:35:31.000 When the child turns 18, you're no longer legally responsible.
01:35:34.000 That's an adult.
01:35:35.000 They're gone.
01:35:36.000 If you have child support, you don't have to pay it after 18. When they become 18, you have to get a job, kid.
01:35:42.000 You have to figure out a way to feed yourself.
01:35:43.000 It's part of the growth of life.
01:35:44.000 Not when you're a grown woman.
01:35:45.000 And when you're a grown woman, and she was in her 40s when they broke up.
01:35:50.000 And for whatever fucking reason, we have these wacky laws that state that this person doesn't have to work again forever.
01:35:56.000 No children, by the way.
01:35:57.000 No children.
01:35:58.000 They never had kids together.
01:35:59.000 What is it?
01:36:00.000 Is 12 the magic number?
01:36:01.000 Like, if it was 11, then no, fuck it, you don't have to?
01:36:04.000 I don't know.
01:36:05.000 I think it varies, but I think in California, for whatever reason, it was 12. Hmm.
01:36:11.000 I think 10 is the big one.
01:36:14.000 Like, 10 years is the big one.
01:36:16.000 So it might have been that it was 10, because Ralphie May just got jacked, apparently.
01:36:22.000 His woman just divorced him after 10. And that's the number.
01:36:27.000 They wait until 10. And at 10, the party begins.
01:36:31.000 So if you are thinking about it, 9 and a half is the time to call it.
01:36:35.000 It's hard to imagine someone not being in your life, but yet you have to pay the money.
01:36:40.000 Yeah, that's fucking up.
01:36:41.000 There's just no way around it.
01:36:42.000 But in his case, his wife has children, or his ex-wife now has children from him.
01:36:49.000 And so he is definitely financially responsible for her children, his children, their children.
01:36:55.000 And I think he should pay alimony because she has to take care of those kids, and she can't really work Like, you know, she's not like a free person who's single.
01:37:04.000 But if you're a free person that's single...
01:37:06.000 I can understand you needing a couple years to get on your feet.
01:37:09.000 Yeah, that's fair.
01:37:10.000 That's what I mean about the grace.
01:37:11.000 It's like one is one extreme.
01:37:12.000 One is you get nothing.
01:37:14.000 Couple of years, fair enough.
01:37:15.000 You shouldn't.
01:37:16.000 I mean, say if you live with a woman and for 10 years you're married and for 10 years she doesn't have to work because you're some fucking diamond merchant in downtown LA or something like that.
01:37:25.000 And you break up with her and then you're like, get out of the house, bitch!
01:37:29.000 You're on your own.
01:37:29.000 She doesn't have any skills.
01:37:30.000 No, that's fucked up.
01:37:31.000 I got that.
01:37:31.000 That's fucked up.
01:37:32.000 Couple of years is fair.
01:37:33.000 Something like that is a reasonable compromise.
01:37:36.000 Yes.
01:37:36.000 But there's this weird thing that they do where it's called the quality of life.
01:37:42.000 You're supposed to maintain the same quality of life.
01:37:44.000 Like what?
01:37:45.000 Yeah, that's bullshit.
01:37:46.000 So if you're living with like Kobe Bryant, like Kobe Bryant's wife, like she's responsible for his children, so she should certainly get money.
01:37:54.000 But how much money, man?
01:37:57.000 How does she get hundreds of millions of dollars?
01:38:00.000 How does that work?
01:38:02.000 You know?
01:38:02.000 Forever.
01:38:03.000 Forever?
01:38:04.000 Yeah, that's nuts.
01:38:05.000 To the end of time, till the day they die.
01:38:07.000 And if you don't have a prenup, it could get ugly, son.
01:38:10.000 Yep.
01:38:10.000 And he's like, no, a prenup is not romance.
01:38:12.000 Like, fuck you, this is a contract anyway.
01:38:14.000 The whole thing is a contract that involves the state.
01:38:17.000 Mm-hmm.
01:38:18.000 And if you don't have a prenup, believe me, those conversations get way more intense when things get ugly.
01:38:22.000 Yeah.
01:38:23.000 When a woman knows there's no prenup involved.
01:38:25.000 You're fucked.
01:38:25.000 Yeah.
01:38:26.000 Like, I have a buddy who doesn't have a prenup, and him and his wife are fighting, and I go, do you have a prenup?
01:38:30.000 He goes, no.
01:38:33.000 Oh, no!
01:38:35.000 How dare you?
01:38:36.000 You are screwed.
01:38:37.000 And we were having a conversation about it.
01:38:39.000 He's like, I couldn't figure out a way to justify having a prenup.
01:38:42.000 I go, here's a way.
01:38:44.000 If you're in love and you're married together and you're going to be together forever, the prenup doesn't mean shit.
01:38:50.000 It doesn't mean anything.
01:38:51.000 If you really plan on being together forever.
01:38:53.000 But...
01:38:54.000 If that person wants a fucking abandoned ship and then drain you like a fucking plug at the bottom of a bathtub, that's when you need a prenup.
01:39:06.000 Because if you're gonna break up, that's when a prenup comes into play.
01:39:09.000 And then you need it.
01:39:10.000 And you should have it, right?
01:39:12.000 But if you're gonna be together forever, the prenup doesn't mean a goddamn thing.
01:39:15.000 Because you're gonna be together forever.
01:39:16.000 So don't worry about it.
01:39:17.000 Get a fucking prenup.
01:39:19.000 Silly bitch.
01:39:20.000 It only becomes a factor if you get divorced.
01:39:24.000 That's why any woman that says, you want to have a prenup?
01:39:26.000 You don't think it's going to last?
01:39:28.000 No, I think it is going to last!
01:39:30.000 But if it doesn't, the logic of not having a prenup is insane.
01:39:37.000 If we break up, I want to get financially fucked.
01:39:41.000 That's how much I love you, baby.
01:39:43.000 That's how much I want to stay together with you under the threat of being financially ruined.
01:39:50.000 Because otherwise it's not through love.
01:39:52.000 This fucking chick said to me the other day, it was hilarious.
01:39:55.000 She goes, well, I'll tell you what, more and more women today are paying alimony.
01:39:58.000 I go, name one.
01:39:59.000 I know.
01:40:00.000 Silence.
01:40:01.000 Roseanne Barr!
01:40:03.000 That's all they say.
01:40:04.000 Roseanne Barr!
01:40:07.000 Tom Arnold!
01:40:08.000 She beat Tom Arnold!
01:40:10.000 Okay, we got one under our belt.
01:40:12.000 So it's one victory as opposed to a what?
01:40:16.000 What?
01:40:17.000 Hundreds of millions of guys that have been fucked over by the system?
01:40:21.000 I don't get...
01:40:22.000 I actually don't even get the whole idea of marriage.
01:40:24.000 And I don't mean like committed relationship.
01:40:26.000 I get that.
01:40:27.000 I got all that.
01:40:27.000 But why the fuck do you need to bring in the state and lawyers and...
01:40:31.000 Because it's a business.
01:40:32.000 That's what I mean.
01:40:33.000 If it's a relationship, why do you need to bring all this shit in?
01:40:36.000 Well, it's a business in terms of, like, there's a business of the diamonds, you know?
01:40:41.000 Is three months too much to ask?
01:40:44.000 Like, those fucking diamond merchants.
01:40:46.000 Fuck that.
01:40:46.000 I'm bringing them up again.
01:40:47.000 I don't know why.
01:40:48.000 But diamonds, the idea that three months' salary...
01:40:51.000 Three months?
01:40:52.000 That is fucking crazy.
01:40:55.000 If a guy has to work three months out of a whole year for a little rock that goes around your finger just to show you he loves you.
01:41:03.000 No, fuck that.
01:41:04.000 Three months too much to ask.
01:41:06.000 That would be a deal breaker right off the bat.
01:41:08.000 He's like, what?
01:41:09.000 You fucking want what?
01:41:10.000 You want a giant rock that costs thousands of dollars?
01:41:13.000 Fuck off.
01:41:14.000 I have nothing in common with you.
01:41:15.000 I'm done.
01:41:16.000 Most people don't have enough money to get by, period.
01:41:20.000 Most people are going pretty much check to check.
01:41:24.000 They have a little bit of money in the bank in case fucking shit goes terribly wrong.
01:41:28.000 But they don't have three months worth of money in the bank!
01:41:31.000 So what are you going to do?
01:41:32.000 For three months, I'm going to suffer?
01:41:33.000 So that you can have a rock on your finger?
01:41:36.000 What am I going to do?
01:41:36.000 I'm going to eat potato chips for lunch and fucking starve to death?
01:41:39.000 Ramen noodles at dinner every night?
01:41:42.000 Oh, I saved 20 bucks today.
01:41:44.000 Throw that in the jar.
01:41:45.000 Right.
01:41:45.000 That goes into the diamond jar.
01:41:47.000 No, but that to me is the ultimate bullshit.
01:41:49.000 It's like...
01:41:51.000 Do people actually fucking like diamonds?
01:41:53.000 It's not.
01:41:53.000 It's a status symbol.
01:41:54.000 Come on.
01:41:54.000 Chicks do.
01:41:56.000 You can get a fucking fake thing that looks exactly the same unless you are a jeweler with a fucking...
01:42:02.000 But it's not the same!
01:42:03.000 But that's what I mean.
01:42:04.000 It's about it costs a shitload of money.
01:42:06.000 It's a symbol.
01:42:07.000 It's not the real thing.
01:42:08.000 It's like, what can you do with three months' salary?
01:42:10.000 You can do so much fucking good stuff.
01:42:12.000 How about we do that to celebrate the wedding or whatever the hell?
01:42:15.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
01:42:16.000 Give me the rock, bitch!
01:42:22.000 My aunt got fucked over.
01:42:24.000 She married this guy who was real shady.
01:42:26.000 He was always shady, like from the beginning.
01:42:28.000 And she had a nice wedding ring, a nice fat rock.
01:42:32.000 When they got divorced, she went and got it checked out.
01:42:34.000 Cubic zirconia!
01:42:35.000 Ah, that's the way you do it.
01:42:37.000 Yep, she fucked him over.
01:42:39.000 He got her a fake rock.
01:42:41.000 That's the way to do it.
01:42:43.000 They look so real, man.
01:42:44.000 It's hard to tell.
01:42:45.000 I mean, I guess a diamond merchant can tell like that.
01:42:48.000 Yeah, of course.
01:42:48.000 But you're not a fucking diamond merchant, so how about we don't deal with that?
01:42:52.000 You know, it's not like having a fake Ferrari.
01:42:54.000 You know, like a fake Ferrari will drive like shit.
01:42:57.000 Exactly.
01:42:57.000 That's real.
01:42:58.000 Yeah.
01:42:58.000 There's something real there.
01:43:00.000 The diamond thing, there's nothing real.
01:43:01.000 It's so crazy.
01:43:02.000 I know a lady who's a billionaire.
01:43:05.000 Her and her husband.
01:43:06.000 Her husband's this very, very wealthy tycoon type character.
01:43:10.000 He's kind of hilarious.
01:43:11.000 He dresses like Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band.
01:43:13.000 He has like those little outfits on.
01:43:15.000 Throws these magical parties in Malibu where it's just fucking, just huge, huge, crazy parties.
01:43:20.000 It probably costs like a million bucks.
01:43:21.000 The guy's an animal.
01:43:23.000 But he got her this rock that I don't know enough about diamonds to say how much it costs, but it's well over a million dollars.
01:43:30.000 Jesus Christ.
01:43:31.000 Well over.
01:43:31.000 It's huge.
01:43:32.000 I mean, it's like a watch.
01:43:34.000 It's a Flava Flav watch hanging.
01:43:36.000 It's like a clock on her finger.
01:43:37.000 It's so big.
01:43:39.000 What is this?
01:43:41.000 Is this a new guy she's with?
01:43:43.000 Yes, this just came out this weekend.
01:43:45.000 35 carat diamond ring.
01:43:46.000 What?!
01:43:47.000 Who is this dude she's with?
01:43:49.000 Some billionaire from Australia.
01:43:50.000 Look at him.
01:43:51.000 Let me see what he looks like.
01:43:53.000 Yeah, that looks like you need a 35 carat to get laid ever.
01:43:57.000 Isn't she like 50?
01:43:58.000 45?
01:43:59.000 45 it says, yeah.
01:44:00.000 She's still hot?
01:44:01.000 Yeah.
01:44:01.000 How's that ass look?
01:44:03.000 Big, right?
01:44:04.000 Yeah.
01:44:04.000 Big and juicy.
01:44:05.000 Pow pow!
01:44:06.000 Look at that ring.
01:44:07.000 She was like much smaller and thinner when she was younger, huh?
01:44:12.000 Not that I like that.
01:44:14.000 That's 35 carats?
01:44:15.000 That's what that is?
01:44:16.000 Yeah, I was expecting bigger.
01:44:17.000 I mean, I don't know.
01:44:18.000 Yeah, I was too.
01:44:19.000 I'm telling you, the lady that I know, her ring is bigger than that.
01:44:23.000 Yeah, that shit makes me...
01:44:25.000 But how much does that cost?
01:44:26.000 Projectile vomiting just looking at this.
01:44:29.000 Yeah, that's probably...
01:44:30.000 That's probably a million bucks.
01:44:34.000 This is a lot, like...
01:44:35.000 You remember when J.Lo and Ben Affleck were a character?
01:44:38.000 They were one.
01:44:39.000 Yeah.
01:44:45.000 I know a dude who's a construction guy.
01:44:50.000 And he was dealing with them at the time.
01:44:55.000 And allegedly, the story is, that J-Lo, Ben Affleck had like a full basketball court that he had at his place.
01:45:05.000 She wanted to take the basketball court apart and put it in her house.
01:45:10.000 Like, as a surprise.
01:45:11.000 Like, to surprise him.
01:45:13.000 And the guy's like, what?
01:45:14.000 Um, no.
01:45:15.000 I'm not doing that.
01:45:18.000 Folks, you imagine what kind of fucking craziness that bitch has in her head?
01:45:23.000 Like, she's like, I'm just gonna move his favorite place to my place.
01:45:26.000 That way, when he has his basketball games, he'll have to have it at my house.
01:45:29.000 Like, what?
01:45:30.000 Like, she wanted to move it.
01:45:32.000 Like, take it.
01:45:33.000 Put it mine.
01:45:34.000 I want it!
01:45:34.000 Mine.
01:45:35.000 It's mine.
01:45:36.000 He's mine!
01:45:37.000 Put his basketball court in my house!
01:45:43.000 I like the impersonation.
01:45:44.000 Oh my god.
01:45:46.000 People do some crazy shit to get into relationships.
01:45:49.000 I mean, it's like putting up with people.
01:45:52.000 The weirdest requests.
01:45:53.000 The weirdest that you're seeing.
01:45:55.000 Because it's like, fuck that.
01:45:57.000 I don't need it that bad.
01:45:59.000 I don't know, man.
01:46:00.000 I don't get it.
01:46:01.000 Do you ever call a friend and his wife answers his cell phone?
01:46:04.000 No, I'm missing out on that experience.
01:46:06.000 You get that a lot?
01:46:07.000 I've had that happen more than once and I'd lose all respect for that guy unless he's in the middle of fucking holding up a pan of hot oil that he's carrying to the stove or something and it's an emergency phone call or something.
01:46:20.000 I mean, why the fuck would your wife answer your cell phone?
01:46:23.000 I think that's...
01:46:24.000 In an accusatory way.
01:46:25.000 Hello?
01:46:25.000 Right.
01:46:26.000 Who is it?
01:46:28.000 This is Joe.
01:46:29.000 Is Dave there?
01:46:30.000 Joe who?
01:46:31.000 Joe Rogan?
01:46:32.000 Hold on.
01:46:34.000 Hey, Dave, why is your fucking wife answering your phone like I'm some chick who's calling or a gay lover, you fucking weirdo?
01:46:41.000 Keep your phone in your pocket, bitch!
01:46:44.000 Don't let her have it!
01:46:46.000 That, I think, that's like ultimate insecurity right there.
01:46:49.000 It's like, I can't score a hot woman, so if I can't score one, I'm just gonna hold on to her.
01:46:54.000 No matter how batshit crazy she gets, I'm gonna put up with anything because I'm afraid to be alone.
01:46:59.000 That, I think, speaking of the book stuff, that's another thing that...
01:47:03.000 I noticed changing in me.
01:47:06.000 For the longest time, I had these exact dynamics that I'm criticizing.
01:47:10.000 I had them in me, right?
01:47:11.000 I was like, I don't want to be alone.
01:47:12.000 If I'm with a hot woman, I want to stick to her and she does some crazy shit.
01:47:16.000 That's totally fine.
01:47:17.000 That's fear.
01:47:18.000 That's insecurity.
01:47:19.000 That's if I let her go, I'll never get laid with a hot woman again kind of thing.
01:47:23.000 And at one point, I think it's like I had dealt with enough shit that something snapped in me where I was just like, you know what?
01:47:29.000 From now on, and I don't even mean it in a bad way, I don't fucking want to make one compromise in my life.
01:47:35.000 If I have to be anything other than who I am 24-7, I don't want to be with you.
01:47:40.000 You may be a nice person.
01:47:41.000 I'm not criticizing you.
01:47:43.000 But I don't want you in my life.
01:47:45.000 Right, but what if you smoke a joint with her and she throws that pussy around like fucking John Elway.
01:47:50.000 Just with the long yards.
01:47:52.000 Woo!
01:47:54.000 Goddamn!
01:47:55.000 Whack!
01:47:55.000 Like when Elway whacks that ball.
01:47:57.000 That helps for those two hours.
01:47:59.000 But then there's the rest of your life.
01:48:01.000 So those two hours were great.
01:48:03.000 Now let's move on to something else.
01:48:04.000 Yeah, but then when you're at work, you're thinking about those two hours.
01:48:07.000 You're going to loosen up the tie.
01:48:09.000 Woo!
01:48:10.000 Goddamn it!
01:48:11.000 You know?
01:48:12.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:48:13.000 Like Jordan going for a layup.
01:48:15.000 Woo!
01:48:17.000 Like, flying from the three-point line right through the net.
01:48:21.000 This bitch is hot!
01:48:22.000 Yep.
01:48:23.000 Yep.
01:48:24.000 And then you know if you break up with her, that phone is just ringing off the hook from dudes trying to get a hold of that voodoo pussy.
01:48:31.000 Right?
01:48:31.000 What are you going to do?
01:48:32.000 You're just going to be cool and calm and collected?
01:48:35.000 You got to.
01:48:35.000 You're going to try.
01:48:36.000 Because otherwise it fucks up the rest of your life.
01:48:38.000 Even if it was every single day that is the most magical sex in the world for those two hours that you spend, there are 22 more hours.
01:48:45.000 Just sleep a lot.
01:48:46.000 Exactly.
01:48:48.000 Then it's all okay, right?
01:48:50.000 Then you can put up with it and it's all worth it.
01:48:52.000 I know this dude who's a mobster.
01:48:54.000 He talked about going to jail.
01:48:55.000 Going to jail was no big deal.
01:48:56.000 The key was you got to sleep your time away.
01:48:58.000 You'd sleep like 18 hours a day.
01:49:00.000 Hey, that works.
01:49:01.000 And I was like, really?
01:49:02.000 Yeah, that's what you got to do.
01:49:03.000 Just sleep your time away.
01:49:04.000 A lot of people are up.
01:49:05.000 They're doing push-ups.
01:49:06.000 Not me.
01:49:07.000 I sleep my time away.
01:49:08.000 My time, you know, two years is gone.
01:49:10.000 It's nothing.
01:49:10.000 I slept.
01:49:11.000 I got rest.
01:49:13.000 Okay.
01:49:14.000 18 hours a day.
01:49:15.000 Jesus.
01:49:16.000 He's an asshole.
01:49:18.000 What are you going to do?
01:49:19.000 Yeah.
01:49:20.000 But yeah, there's some girls are just so hot.
01:49:23.000 Sure.
01:49:23.000 It's also like there's something else that's going on.
01:49:27.000 Love is real and emotions are real and appreciating someone is real and there's definitely that.
01:49:34.000 But there's also some biological tricks that go on when you connect with someone and you have sex with them.
01:49:46.000 Mm-hmm.
01:49:49.000 Mm-hmm.
01:49:57.000 Where you going?
01:49:58.000 What are you talking to that guy?
01:49:59.000 I saw the way that guy hugged you.
01:50:01.000 All this craziness that comes about, that person becomes you.
01:50:06.000 They become your property, but you can't control them.
01:50:08.000 And then if they're freaky, if they're crazy, freaky bitches, you got to go, this crazy, freaky bitch is probably crazy with other dudes too.
01:50:14.000 And then she's probably been crazy, freaky bitch with other dudes before me.
01:50:18.000 So now I have to think that those dudes know that she's slinging that fucking superstitious pussy out there.
01:50:25.000 Superstitious.
01:50:26.000 I think anybody ever in the history of mankind used those two words together.
01:50:30.000 That's a first.
01:50:32.000 She's got some fucking voodoo pussy.
01:50:34.000 She's got some supernatural pussy.
01:50:36.000 It's people that can do things better and includes fucking.
01:50:40.000 Have you dated a girl who was really hot but she's terrible in bed?
01:50:45.000 No, I miss out on that experience.
01:50:47.000 I only had a couple of them, but I had one of them.
01:50:48.000 I was like, I gotta stop.
01:50:50.000 We just gotta stop doing this.
01:50:51.000 Really?
01:50:51.000 Was that bad?
01:50:52.000 Yeah, she's just...
01:50:54.000 For all sorts of reasons, I guess.
01:50:57.000 Like, maybe it wasn't her fault.
01:50:58.000 Maybe she was just, like, insecure or uncomfortable or unaware.
01:51:03.000 It turned out later on that I found she had, like, a coke problem that I wasn't aware of.
01:51:09.000 I've never done it, but apparently that just blocks you off from, like, emotional connections with people.
01:51:14.000 Is that what made bad sex for her?
01:51:16.000 Maybe it was okay.
01:51:17.000 It wasn't good.
01:51:19.000 It's like the girl that I dated before her was a freak.
01:51:22.000 So I was like, oh, man.
01:51:23.000 By comparison, you're like, it sucks.
01:51:25.000 It's not fun.
01:51:26.000 It's like when someone's just, when they're all in, and the next girl's not all in, you're like, gotta find someone who's all in.
01:51:34.000 I'm here to gamble.
01:51:36.000 Time for the next one.
01:51:37.000 I'm not here to play penny slots.
01:51:40.000 I'm here to push a fucking mortgage into the center of the table and go, come on!
01:51:44.000 What are we doing here?
01:51:45.000 That's where the excitement is, right?
01:51:47.000 What do you make of the Chris Ryan ability to instead turn off the exact thing you were talking about, sort of the DNA, like you're mine, you know, the possessiveness, the jealousy, all of that, the whole...
01:51:57.000 Chris Ryan ability?
01:51:58.000 What do you mean?
01:51:58.000 Well, you know, his whole theory about just fuck monogamy.
01:52:01.000 It's all about happy monkeys having sex with each other and just let it be.
01:52:06.000 Well, I think that's something that you can learn.
01:52:09.000 I think it's really when you boil down to...
01:52:13.000 What it really is, when you boil it down to if you can be objective about it, if it's at all possible, it's pleasure.
01:52:22.000 Why should you be the only person that can give that person pleasure?
01:52:27.000 Why should that person be the only place where you get pleasure?
01:52:30.000 Are we slaves to these ancient emotions and ancient connections that we have?
01:52:36.000 To other human beings that were really based on scarcity.
01:52:39.000 I think whenever things are based on scarcity, you know, the idea that you'll be alone.
01:52:43.000 If you don't have her, I'll be alone forever.
01:52:45.000 It's like famine thinking.
01:52:46.000 If I don't eat this meal, let's be doing more meals.
01:52:50.000 There's that famine thinking when it comes to friends.
01:52:53.000 Like, if you ever have a friend, like, what are you hanging out with them for?
01:52:55.000 You fucking don't even hang out with me anymore?
01:52:57.000 Like, that's the surest way to lose a friend.
01:53:00.000 Absolutely.
01:53:00.000 Become, like, really needy where you get upset that that friend hangs out with other friends.
01:53:04.000 That's ridiculous.
01:53:05.000 It's crazy.
01:53:06.000 People like that are ridiculous.
01:53:07.000 And I've had friends like that before.
01:53:09.000 You know, only when I was younger.
01:53:11.000 You know, when you're younger, you're sort of figuring out what style of person you are and how do you live your life.
01:53:17.000 What's acceptable and what's not acceptable.
01:53:20.000 People that are like that, whether they're aware or not, they're just incredibly manipulative.
01:53:25.000 They might not even be aware of why or what they're doing.
01:53:29.000 But when it comes to relationships, a lot of times people also mirror the family that they grew up in.
01:53:36.000 Like if you grew up in a really jealous, really abusive family, it can mirror itself.
01:53:43.000 Or it could be the exact opposite, where you see how retarded your parents were and you're like, well, fuck that.
01:53:49.000 I'm not going to be like that anymore.
01:53:52.000 So, I think Chris is obviously a very brilliant guy.
01:53:56.000 And Chris Ryan's book, it's an excellent book, which is, you know, really highly respected.
01:54:02.000 I think he's got some real good points.
01:54:04.000 And if you can intellectualize it and be objective, yeah, you know, if you're happy living that life, he's happy.
01:54:12.000 Yeah.
01:54:12.000 You know, and he knows a lot of people that also live like that are happy.
01:54:15.000 There's nothing wrong with it.
01:54:16.000 No, exactly.
01:54:16.000 I mean, I... To me, the argument he lays out makes perfect sense.
01:54:21.000 I think he's right.
01:54:22.000 It's just, for a lot of people, it's hard to get over those, but, but, but, but, you know, they still are possessive and jealous and all of that, and they can't deal with the idea that somebody they love is supposed to be only me.
01:54:35.000 Fuck this.
01:54:36.000 You can't have sex with somebody else.
01:54:37.000 They flip out.
01:54:38.000 But yeah, to me, when you think about it, it doesn't really make sense.
01:54:41.000 Well, you know what else doesn't make sense?
01:54:43.000 Monogamy doesn't make sense, but neither does polygamy.
01:54:47.000 None of it makes sense.
01:54:48.000 You should do whatever you want.
01:54:49.000 If you're into monogamy, monogamy is great.
01:54:53.000 That's what I mean.
01:54:54.000 Exactly.
01:54:54.000 If it works for you, why shouldn't you?
01:54:56.000 And by the way, it doesn't work with everybody.
01:54:58.000 If you find one person and it doesn't work with them, then that's not the one you should be monogamous with.
01:55:03.000 But it doesn't mean that you can't be monogamous with somebody else.
01:55:06.000 Or maybe even that same person at another stage of your life.
01:55:11.000 Sometimes things change.
01:55:12.000 I agree completely with you.
01:55:13.000 To me...
01:55:14.000 The Chris Ryan idea is the one that makes the most sense logically and philosophically.
01:55:19.000 But every single time I've tried to throw it out there at some lady I wanted to get in a relationship with, the discussion was invariably It makes sense.
01:55:28.000 I get your point.
01:55:29.000 But!
01:55:31.000 Sorry, it's not going to go.
01:55:32.000 And then it's a choice, right?
01:55:33.000 It's like, do I want it anyway, giving up this philosophical, it sounds cooler or not?
01:55:39.000 And the times when I have gone for it, and so it was then a monogamous relationship, I was totally fine with it.
01:55:43.000 You know, it wasn't like, oh, I spent my days thinking about what I'm missing.
01:55:46.000 I was completely happy with it.
01:55:48.000 Right.
01:55:49.000 I'm completely with you there.
01:55:51.000 To me, it's not it has to be one way or the other.
01:55:54.000 It's whatever works at the end of the day.
01:55:55.000 But whatever works means also having the flexibility to say maybe the traditional monogamous way is not the only fucking way.
01:56:01.000 Maybe there are other ways to go about it that are just as good.
01:56:04.000 Well, there certainly are other ways to go about it.
01:56:07.000 I mean, there's people that live in a house and it's a man with three women.
01:56:12.000 Right.
01:56:12.000 Or a woman with three men.
01:56:15.000 Wasn't that like a fucking drug dealer movie?
01:56:18.000 They're like...
01:56:19.000 Wasn't that like an Oliver Stone movie where there's a chick and two dudes and they used to have threesomes and someone kidnapped the chicks?
01:56:24.000 Looks so stupid.
01:56:26.000 Was it as stupid as it looked?
01:56:27.000 I haven't seen the movie.
01:56:27.000 I read the book.
01:56:28.000 The book was actually awesome.
01:56:29.000 The movie, I tried to watch it.
01:56:31.000 I quit 10 minutes in.
01:56:33.000 It always looks great on paper.
01:56:35.000 You know, it's just, it's very hard for people to pull off that open relationship, unless they're disgusting.
01:56:42.000 I'll tell you what, you want to see disgusting people?
01:56:44.000 Go to a swingers convention.
01:56:46.000 Ugh, just fucking people.
01:56:47.000 Ari and I were in, I think we were in Nashville, and we did a whole weekend at this place, and we had this guy drive us around.
01:56:55.000 You know, we hired a car service and got the same guy to take us to the airport, from the airport, and we became friendly with him.
01:57:01.000 And as he's taking us to the airport, at the end of the weekend, Starts opening up about being a swinger.
01:57:09.000 Like, out of nowhere, man!
01:57:11.000 We're fucking driving to the airport.
01:57:13.000 He goes, hey, well, next time you guys in town, I'd be happy to take you to a swingers party.
01:57:19.000 We're like, what?
01:57:20.000 Huh?
01:57:21.000 What are you talking about?
01:57:22.000 So the dude opens up that him and his missus have this relationship where he can decide whether or not she sleeps with other men.
01:57:32.000 He can give the veto.
01:57:34.000 Wow.
01:57:35.000 Yeah.
01:57:36.000 No, I vetoed this one.
01:57:37.000 Okay, yes, that was.
01:57:38.000 Yeah.
01:57:39.000 So I go, well, how do you decide?
01:57:41.000 He goes, if I don't like someone, I just don't want it happening.
01:57:45.000 I go like, what, like some hulking 6'5 football player with a giant hog?
01:57:52.000 A hog as thick as your calf.
01:57:53.000 Like, is that what it is?
01:57:54.000 And, like, he started getting uncomfortable.
01:57:56.000 And I'm like, well, how can you be uncomfortable, man?
01:57:58.000 You just open up the door.
01:57:59.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:58:00.000 You know, like, what is it that turns you off, like, about some guy banging your woman?
01:58:04.000 Right.
01:58:04.000 What's the big deal?
01:58:05.000 He couldn't answer.
01:58:07.000 He was not entirely.
01:58:08.000 He regretted starting the conversation.
01:58:10.000 Well, we got deep into it with him in the few minutes that we had left before we got to the airport.
01:58:14.000 But we were laughing the entire flight home.
01:58:16.000 Cab drivers must get so bored sometimes, because you get in the weird—like, I was with Duncan in—where were we?
01:58:22.000 In Wisconsin.
01:58:23.000 We got off the plane, got in this cab, and the second we closed the door, the guy started his monologue, right?
01:58:29.000 It's like there was—the cab driver started, let me tell you about our governor.
01:58:33.000 Our governor sucks!
01:58:34.000 And he started this 15-minute monologue where he went on, and he clearly was just itching to get it off his chest.
01:58:41.000 And that guy and I were looking at each other like, what the fuck is this about?
01:58:45.000 You can't tell him to shut the fuck up.
01:58:47.000 No, we haven't invited a conversation.
01:58:49.000 We haven't really even participated.
01:58:51.000 And he just started for a second one, kept it up to the last second.
01:58:55.000 That's the difference between a limo driver and an Uber driver, too.
01:58:58.000 If you get a limo, they kind of like...
01:59:00.000 Hello, sir.
01:59:01.000 Let me open up the car door for you, sir.
01:59:03.000 It's like going to a really nice hotel versus a shitty motel where the person at the reception is smoking a cigarette.
01:59:12.000 You get what you pay for.
01:59:14.000 But then again, Duncan B. Duncan, he managed to use that material for a comedy beat and he was awesome.
01:59:20.000 He made it brilliant.
01:59:21.000 So I was like, hey, look at that, you know.
01:59:23.000 After this shitty conversation came out, this awesome beat that he did.
01:59:27.000 Well, yeah, if someone's completely retarded or someone's completely out of whack, you could definitely make a good sketch about it.
01:59:34.000 This guy in Nashville, I still think about this guy.
01:59:37.000 Every time I go there, I'm just hoping I get him as a driver, just so I can see.
01:59:41.000 So give me an update, man.
01:59:42.000 I haven't seen you in a couple years.
01:59:44.000 How's it all working out?
01:59:46.000 That would be awesome.
01:59:47.000 Yeah, I'm back there in May.
01:59:48.000 I'm in May 19th, I think, or 20th.
01:59:52.000 I'm in Nashville.
01:59:53.000 So I hope I'll find that dude.
01:59:56.000 I'm really thinking about buying it.
01:59:58.000 So everybody in Nashville, please ask your cab driver what they think about swinging.
02:00:03.000 And if you catch the right guy, send him back to Joe to pick him up at the airport.
02:00:07.000 They have clubs they go to.
02:00:08.000 They have specific swinging clubs.
02:00:10.000 Uh-huh.
02:00:11.000 I'm like, how does that work?
02:00:12.000 It's like, everybody just sits on people's laps, you go to people, but they all probably looked like him.
02:00:17.000 He looked disgusting.
02:00:18.000 He was like a balding dude with a ponytail, and he was tall, but he had a gut, and he was just skinny, but fat.
02:00:26.000 Yeah, because these things sound awesome, where you have your Playboy fantasy, and everybody look like they are out of...
02:00:32.000 Then it's awesome, right?
02:00:34.000 But sometimes when you see the reality, you're like, ooh, that's not what I had in mind at all.
02:00:39.000 This sucks.
02:00:40.000 Yeah, the reality is most people that want to do that, they don't have a whole lot of other options.
02:00:46.000 Right.
02:00:47.000 But there's probably only like one super hot slutty girl that goes to those things, just loves being the belle of the ball.
02:00:54.000 Right.
02:00:54.000 Because if you go to like a swingers thing and you're actually hot, you're a hot girl.
02:00:58.000 Everybody wants you.
02:01:00.000 Do you remember there was a Showtime show for a while?
02:01:03.000 About people that were involved in these big swinging sort of relationships.
02:01:09.000 What was it?
02:01:10.000 It was a terrible show, but it was really weird.
02:01:13.000 Because they would show them getting together and making out and doing all this stuff together.
02:01:16.000 But it was in this obviously really well-lit room while they were filming.
02:01:21.000 Because there were these cameras on.
02:01:23.000 These people are supposed to...
02:01:24.000 Okay, everybody act normal.
02:01:25.000 Exactly.
02:01:26.000 With the camera up your ass.
02:01:28.000 Was this a reality show or something?
02:01:30.000 Yeah.
02:01:31.000 Huh.
02:01:31.000 Yeah, it was on Showtime.
02:01:33.000 Yeah, it was a polyamorous show.
02:01:36.000 You found it?
02:01:38.000 It was called Polyamory?
02:01:40.000 Yeah, that was it.
02:01:41.000 It was gross.
02:01:42.000 Get out of there with that.
02:01:46.000 A very modern family.
02:01:48.000 Okay, it's not modern.
02:01:49.000 They've been doing that forever.
02:01:51.000 Okay, it's just, it's odd.
02:01:53.000 But there's always like one dude who's like, you know...
02:01:57.000 This is the way people should be, man.
02:02:00.000 They should just relax and just enjoy each other's company, man.
02:02:05.000 To me, that's the thing.
02:02:06.000 It's like, fuck should.
02:02:07.000 There's no should.
02:02:08.000 Yeah.
02:02:08.000 Whatever you're happy with.
02:02:09.000 If he works for you, he works for you.
02:02:11.000 Good.
02:02:11.000 Exactly.
02:02:12.000 End of story.
02:02:12.000 Who gives a shit?
02:02:13.000 Do whatever you want.
02:02:15.000 What makes you happy that doesn't fuck over everyone else or anyone else or the environment?
02:02:22.000 But people can say that, if you want a fucking open relationship, it fucks over my life, Daniele.
02:02:28.000 Do you understand?
02:02:30.000 I need a man, a real man, a man who doesn't want another woman.
02:02:35.000 It shouldn't be a compromise.
02:02:37.000 It should be what you want.
02:02:39.000 He wants a stack of romance novels and lives based on this fucking artificial narrative created by fiction writers.
02:02:46.000 Fucking fiction.
02:02:48.000 I hate that shit.
02:02:49.000 What about those Fifty Shades of Grey bitches?
02:02:51.000 I want to find those.
02:02:53.000 There's an untapped freak vein out there in America.
02:02:56.000 A big one.
02:02:57.000 A big one.
02:02:57.000 A lot of chicks want to get choked, and they're just not getting choked.
02:03:00.000 What is that about, man?
02:03:02.000 That I don't get.
02:03:03.000 We don't get it, and we never will.
02:03:05.000 That's the male-female dynamic, unfettered, unrestrained, that we don't understand.
02:03:13.000 You're never going to understand it.
02:03:14.000 Some of that shit is entirely above my head.
02:03:16.000 I want you to try to wrap your head around this mental exercise.
02:03:19.000 Imagine you're a woman who is going to take a condom that a guy came in and squirt the contents inside your pussy.
02:03:28.000 Yeah, not a...
02:03:31.000 Can't imagine that.
02:03:32.000 No.
02:03:32.000 But those people are real.
02:03:34.000 Yeah.
02:03:34.000 So imagine that a man who doesn't want to have a baby with you, but you want to have a baby with this motherfucker.
02:03:40.000 How do I do this?
02:03:41.000 I'm going to take the condom, I'm going to stuff it in my pussy, and I'm going to squeeze it out, and I'm going to get my fingers in there, and I'm going to fucking shove it in there.
02:03:48.000 I'm sure people have gotten pregnant that way, right?
02:03:50.000 I'm sure.
02:03:51.000 Do all condoms come with spermicide?
02:03:54.000 A lot of them do, right?
02:03:56.000 They have a little spermy side in there that kills them, little fuckers.
02:04:00.000 Wow.
02:04:02.000 There are some weird fucking people out there.
02:04:04.000 Right, but that's a human thing.
02:04:07.000 There's people that want to be connected so badly to someone that they'll lie about being on the pill.
02:04:12.000 Mm-hmm.
02:04:13.000 I've had friends that they were having sex with a girl and the girl was like, just don't, I'm not on the pill, but just you can pull out.
02:04:19.000 So they're like, okay.
02:04:21.000 You know, when your dick's hard, you have like 10% mental capacity that you're operating on, right?
02:04:27.000 And so they tried to pull out and the girl wrapped their legs around him and wouldn't let him pull out.
02:04:31.000 Serious?
02:04:32.000 Yeah.
02:04:32.000 What the fuck?
02:04:34.000 Yeah.
02:04:35.000 More than one guy has had that happen.
02:04:37.000 I've talked to more than one guy.
02:04:38.000 Really?
02:04:39.000 Yeah.
02:04:40.000 I've heard like the, you know, I'm on the PL where it's bullshit and they get pregnant.
02:04:44.000 I've heard that a million times.
02:04:45.000 I've heard that too.
02:04:46.000 No, I haven't heard this one.
02:04:47.000 That's just weird.
02:04:48.000 Yeah, trick pregnancy is fucking crazy, because it's terrifying that not only did you fuck up so hard that you got someone pregnant and you didn't want to get pregnant, but they tricked you.
02:04:59.000 They lied to you, and this is the type of person that you now have a child with.
02:05:04.000 So you have to raise a child with a liar, a manipulative liar, who decided to get pregnant.
02:05:11.000 Oof, boy.
02:05:13.000 Oh yeah, there's a couple that I know where that lady got pregnant intentionally after telling him, oh no, no chance in hell.
02:05:21.000 And then of course, this is under the file, this is the perfect family that then they tell their kids never have sex before marriage, da da da.
02:05:30.000 And I remember talking with their kid, like one of their kid was like 14 and was telling me all about...
02:05:35.000 Oh, shit, but they say no sex before marriage, these, and they stuck to it.
02:05:40.000 And I'm like, no, they didn't.
02:05:41.000 I know what the fuck they did.
02:05:42.000 Your mom was banging guys when she was 14. No, no, no.
02:05:45.000 My mom and dad met in Bible class, and my mom was pure.
02:05:49.000 No, the guy flipped.
02:05:50.000 He was like, serious?
02:05:51.000 I'm like, yeah, I'm not lying to you.
02:05:53.000 That's where it's at.
02:05:54.000 And he was like, holy shit.
02:05:56.000 I was like, yeah, man, sorry.
02:05:58.000 They just fed you a bunch of bullshit.
02:05:59.000 But at least you can relax and have sex now.
02:06:01.000 Just, you know, don't...
02:06:04.000 Just the idea that someone would be so manipulative and so self-centered that they would decide to have a baby with someone against that person's will.
02:06:13.000 That's when you know you seriously have problems.
02:06:16.000 That's where you're mentally fucked in the head.
02:06:18.000 Big time.
02:06:19.000 You're not just mentally fucked, you're now connected to this person.
02:06:25.000 You're not just mentally fucked and manipulative and evil, but you're connected to a person who had a baby with you.
02:06:31.000 And it was all because you lied.
02:06:34.000 Oh, it's weird.
02:06:35.000 It's weird.
02:06:36.000 Sex is weird because it makes people.
02:06:39.000 It doesn't just feel good.
02:06:42.000 Like, if it was just, like, hugging, or just, like, you know, being affectionate, and just making out, and like, oh, that's all great, you know?
02:06:49.000 But it makes people.
02:06:51.000 Like, blowjobs don't make people.
02:06:54.000 They're awesome, but they do not make people.
02:06:58.000 Fucking actually makes people.
02:07:00.000 Like, what a bizarre way of reproducing.
02:07:03.000 Tell me about it.
02:07:04.000 Like, you're drawn to someone, you can't live without them, the touch is so magical, you're like, oh, I'm gonna come inside you, oh, I can't believe it!
02:07:11.000 Pfft!
02:07:11.000 Baby!
02:07:12.000 What?
02:07:15.000 Ridiculous!
02:07:15.000 That's when you got to think that the universe has been designed by somebody with lots of sense of humor, if there is any design behind it, because it's like, so much of this shit is just funny, you know?
02:07:23.000 It's just like, come on, you know?
02:07:25.000 It's funny, but it all makes sense.
02:07:26.000 I mean, this is the only way to really truly ensure that people have sex when times are tough and, you know, the world is rough.
02:07:35.000 And logically and intellectually, you wouldn't have a baby, but you have a baby and you have to figure out a way to hide it from the barbarian hordes.
02:07:42.000 Yep.
02:07:42.000 Because you love it so much and you have these urges.
02:07:45.000 And meanwhile, the reason why the barbarian hordes are showing up in the first place is because they're looking for pussy.
02:07:49.000 The whole thing's crazy.
02:07:52.000 That's human history in a nutshell.
02:07:54.000 Some condoms used to contain spermicides, but most don't.
02:07:58.000 It's best to use condoms without spermicides.
02:08:00.000 Says who?
02:08:01.000 The person who wants babies, you fuck?
02:08:03.000 It says that what I was looking at right now is that spermicide can actually increase chances of STIs, such as HIV and chlamydia.
02:08:11.000 Because it can cause irritation, which can lead to the rubbing and blood.
02:08:17.000 Maybe on your dick, bro.
02:08:19.000 Not mine.
02:08:20.000 My dick laughs at spermicide.
02:08:23.000 My dick's like, whatever, bro.
02:08:25.000 But if you have, like, lambskin, I think lambskin condoms, you can get pregnant anyway.
02:08:31.000 Like, the jizz can get through those things.
02:08:34.000 And I definitely know that diseases can.
02:08:36.000 I thought it was no pregnancy, but yes, diseases.
02:08:40.000 I want to know how, when heterosexual people like Charlie Sheen gets HIV. Come on, Charlie.
02:08:46.000 You come clean about everything.
02:08:48.000 What were you doing?
02:08:49.000 Yeah.
02:08:50.000 I want to know what you were doing.
02:08:51.000 Were you sharing needles with somebody?
02:08:53.000 Like, what were you doing?
02:08:54.000 Did you take it in the booty?
02:08:55.000 What were you doing?
02:08:57.000 There's no shame in your game.
02:08:58.000 Come on, man.
02:08:59.000 Come clean.
02:09:00.000 Come clean.
02:09:01.000 The problem is that in Charlie Shane's case, I don't think he remembers.
02:09:04.000 Probably.
02:09:05.000 I don't know.
02:09:06.000 I'm sure I did something, but who knows?
02:09:09.000 He's so hilarious because when he came out and talked about it, it wasn't like he wants to set the record straight.
02:09:15.000 He just doesn't want to pay anybody anymore.
02:09:17.000 So he decided to just...
02:09:19.000 Put a stop to all the financial bleeding that was going on in his life.
02:09:26.000 Boy.
02:09:27.000 That's an interesting tale, the Charlie Sheen tale.
02:09:31.000 Because it went from a tale of sort of almost like heroic excess to like a sadness thing.
02:09:38.000 Yeah.
02:09:38.000 Make time.
02:09:39.000 You ever see his teeth?
02:09:40.000 No.
02:09:41.000 They're like falling out of his head.
02:09:42.000 Yeah.
02:09:43.000 Yeah, there's like photos of...
02:09:45.000 I don't know.
02:09:46.000 I guess smoking crack's not good for your teeth.
02:09:48.000 Yeah.
02:09:48.000 I would imagine.
02:09:49.000 I would guess that.
02:09:50.000 Fuck with the enamel.
02:09:51.000 Wow.
02:09:52.000 One of his girls that he used to date says his fucking teeth are all falling out.
02:09:55.000 And then if you see him when he smiles, he smiles like this.
02:09:58.000 Like his lips are curled over his teeth.
02:10:01.000 Yike.
02:10:02.000 Yeah.
02:10:02.000 It seems fun when you hear about it.
02:10:05.000 He's doing blow, because that's how he rolls, and he's having hookers.
02:10:08.000 But then at the end of it, you realize, oh, this guy's probably completely out of control.
02:10:13.000 Yeah.
02:10:14.000 You know, probably a slave to these chemicals, but also talented enough that he can figure out a way to make exorbitant amounts of money and he has really smart people behind him.
02:10:27.000 Because he went from that Two and a Half Men show where he made exorbitant amounts of money to this...
02:10:32.000 Other show, which was a terrible show.
02:10:34.000 Which one was it?
02:10:35.000 Anger Management.
02:10:36.000 Oh, yeah.
02:10:37.000 Terrible show.
02:10:38.000 But he got an insane deal where they filmed all 100 episodes really quickly, and so he made hundreds of millions of dollars.
02:10:46.000 They were afraid he would unravel in two months.
02:10:49.000 No, it's a thing where you...
02:10:50.000 It's like a guaranteed syndication deal.
02:10:53.000 Hmm.
02:10:54.000 Where if they did, they would do like a 1090. Like the way a show would work, like you would do 13 episodes and then you would do the back nine.
02:11:02.000 And the back nine would equal 22, which is a real season.
02:11:05.000 So like when we first did news radio, I think the first season we did like 13 episodes.
02:11:09.000 And then if you get a pickup, everybody gets excited.
02:11:12.000 Oh, we got a pickup for the back nine.
02:11:13.000 So what they decided to do instead of that was do a 1090. Yeah.
02:11:18.000 So you do the first ten episodes.
02:11:20.000 If the first ten episodes go well, you get picked up for the full hundred.
02:11:24.000 Wow.
02:11:24.000 Yeah.
02:11:25.000 So the idea is like, look, we've got a hit on our hands.
02:11:27.000 Let's negotiate accordingly.
02:11:28.000 Let's go.
02:11:28.000 We got Charlie Sheen.
02:11:30.000 I don't know if you know, but Charlie Sheen was a big part of Two and a Half Men, made billions of dollars for the network, and we can do the same thing for UFX. And so they bought Hook, Line, and Sinker into this deal, and it just fucking went right into the shitter.
02:11:45.000 No success whatsoever?
02:11:46.000 Like, it was just that not only it sucked, but nobody watched it, or what?
02:11:49.000 That's a good question.
02:11:51.000 I imagine that people wouldn't watch Charlie Sheen just because it's like a train wreck about to happen, you know?
02:11:57.000 Well, it was not a bad show at first, you know?
02:12:00.000 It was one of those shows where people watched it, and it got like...
02:12:03.000 It's hard to do a good sitcom, man.
02:12:06.000 There's not a lot of good writers.
02:12:07.000 You have to have really good, dedicated writers that are funny, and then you have to have an actor who knows how to pull it off.
02:12:13.000 You have to have a showrunner who's got experience in putting those things together.
02:12:17.000 There's an art form to creating a sitcom all itself.
02:12:22.000 I was on one for five years, and I got to see it pretty intimately from a bunch of different levels, from the level of really talented, really smart actors.
02:12:31.000 Who can figure out how to manipulate a scene and make it funny and the level of really smart really good writers who really know how to craft a scene and then networks with good ideas and networks with shit ideas and then you got to put them all together and Good luck.
02:12:48.000 Back then, you had to have a good time slot too.
02:12:50.000 That was a big part of it because people had to know that you were on.
02:12:53.000 Again, now times have changed, right?
02:12:55.000 Nobody fucking cares about it anymore.
02:12:57.000 It's just not even an issue.
02:12:59.000 Well, that's why Netflix has got it down.
02:13:01.000 Watch it whenever you want.
02:13:02.000 Not only that, the whole season comes out at once.
02:13:04.000 That's beautiful.
02:13:05.000 That's the best way!
02:13:06.000 I can watch things one episode one week, one episode the next.
02:13:09.000 That to me is bullshit.
02:13:10.000 I wait for the season to be over.
02:13:12.000 I'll try to just tune spoilers out and if I catch them I'll forget anyway.
02:13:16.000 It doesn't matter and just binge on it once it comes out and just watch everything in two, three days and be done with it.
02:13:23.000 I don't know.
02:13:24.000 I watch Walking Dead every week.
02:13:27.000 Really?
02:13:28.000 But I don't watch it on TV. I don't watch it while it's on TV. I watch it on iTunes the next day.
02:13:34.000 I watch it on Apple TV. I wait for the season.
02:13:37.000 Fuck those commercials.
02:13:39.000 That's ridiculous.
02:13:40.000 What do I have to pay?
02:13:41.000 Five bucks?
02:13:42.000 Yeah.
02:13:42.000 To not have a commercial?
02:13:43.000 Fuck you.
02:13:44.000 I thought he worked it.
02:13:45.000 My time is way more valuable than those 15-minute chunks where you just interrupt with stupid music and dancing frogs or whatever the fuck is.
02:13:54.000 Geico!
02:13:55.000 You know, oh, I'm selling insurance.
02:13:56.000 Fuck, you just ruined a zombie show.
02:13:59.000 You've ruined the mood.
02:14:01.000 That show is awesome.
02:14:02.000 It's a good show.
02:14:02.000 That show, I dig it.
02:14:03.000 You know what's the better one?
02:14:04.000 The LA one.
02:14:06.000 I saw that one.
02:14:07.000 It's a better show.
02:14:07.000 The Walking Dead.
02:14:08.000 Yeah.
02:14:08.000 They only did a few episodes, but it's a really well-directed and well-shot show and really well-acted.
02:14:14.000 The only thing...
02:14:15.000 I agree with you.
02:14:16.000 It's awesome.
02:14:17.000 It's very well done.
02:14:18.000 The only thing I didn't dig were the characters.
02:14:21.000 The characters of the main story of The Walking Dead are some cool characters that you dig, that you care about them.
02:14:27.000 Right.
02:14:28.000 These guys, you kind of want them to all get eaten by zombies.
02:14:31.000 It's just like...
02:14:33.000 You don't give a fuck about any of them.
02:14:35.000 They are all like...
02:14:36.000 I want the woman to freak out.
02:14:38.000 She doesn't seem to freak out very easy.
02:14:40.000 Enough, yes.
02:14:41.000 Yeah, she's like real, almost too calm.
02:14:43.000 She should be shitting her pants.
02:14:44.000 People are eating people all around you, bitch.
02:14:46.000 Your neighbors are monsters.
02:14:48.000 They haven't turned into like zombie looking either.
02:14:51.000 They haven't deteriorated enough yet.
02:14:53.000 Yeah, it's the beginning when they still look mostly human.
02:14:56.000 Yeah.
02:14:57.000 I'd like it, though.
02:14:58.000 I think it takes time to develop those characters, but as far as the way it's shot and acted, it seems like it's a better show.
02:15:06.000 Daniele, we're almost out of time, my friend.
02:15:08.000 I gotta get the fuck out of here.
02:15:09.000 Cool.
02:15:09.000 What else is going on?
02:15:10.000 I should tell people about History on Fire, for sure, your amazing podcast.
02:15:14.000 Thank you, my man.
02:15:16.000 And you opened up first episode with that, well, not first episode, but episode, not zero, but episode one, was one of my favorite stories you've ever told, that fucked up story about the crucifixions.
02:15:27.000 If you want some fucked up stories, the latest one, I think, was episode five, as a story that made the crucifixion look like a Disney movie.
02:15:34.000 What's it about?
02:15:36.000 There's a story, it's a complicated long story, but to go for the essential element, there's like these two Persian brothers who are princes who are fighting in this civil war for power, and the mom of both of the guys is pissed when one of them got killed,
02:15:51.000 and so at one point she's really pissed off and she wants the guy who actually killed her son to be executed, but she can't really go to her other son and say, execute this motherfucker, because...
02:15:59.000 He was obeying the other son's orders, right?
02:16:03.000 So she finds a way for him to fuck up, for him to say something that will piss off her other son, the king.
02:16:09.000 And then the way they execute this dude is they put him in a box with only his head, his arm, and his legs sticking out, but his whole body is trapped in this box.
02:16:17.000 They force-feed him, horny and other weird shit that...
02:16:22.000 For the next few days, the guy is being force-fed, starts shitting all over inside the box.
02:16:27.000 This attracts maggots, like flies that lay maggots in there and stuff, and they literally start walking their way inside of him.
02:16:34.000 So he has maggots hatching inside of him and eating him for the next two weeks.
02:16:40.000 Under the file, Happy Tales from the Ancient World, the kind of crazy shit that you want to be...
02:16:45.000 I mean, what crazy motherfuckers sit down and think, I want to kill somebody, but I don't just want to kill him.
02:16:51.000 Let's figure out, I mean...
02:16:53.000 A slow, torturous method of killing someone.
02:16:56.000 That's pretty fucking weird, if you ask me.
02:16:59.000 People are goddamn creative.
02:17:01.000 Like, when you look at what they did during the Inquisition, all the different ways they killed people...
02:17:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:17:06.000 Ugh...
02:17:07.000 Yeah, the Game of Thrones one where they put a rat on your stomach, put a plate on it, and like, that's a true story.
02:17:13.000 That's like Inquisition stuff.
02:17:14.000 They did that for real.
02:17:17.000 Yeah.
02:17:17.000 But actually, just so, not all of History on Fire is about crazy gross stuff.
02:17:22.000 There are actually some pleasant stories here and there.
02:17:25.000 But yeah, of course, the intense, weird moments are there as well.
02:17:30.000 There's one that you would dig.
02:17:31.000 I think episode three was about the Iceman, the guy that they found in the Alps from 5,000 years ago.
02:17:38.000 And it's kind of like this murder mystery because we found out that he was shot with an arrow.
02:17:42.000 We found all these things about his life and there are some Crazy ass details that archaeology can give us about this guy's life, what he was doing.
02:17:50.000 There's evidence that he may have been doing acupuncture 2,000 years before it was ever done in China.
02:17:56.000 There were like crazy stuff.
02:17:58.000 Really?
02:17:58.000 Yeah.
02:17:58.000 What was the evidence of him doing acupuncture?
02:18:00.000 They found needles?
02:18:01.000 No, they found these tattoos, but they're not tattoos like artistic tattoos.
02:18:05.000 They are like dots and lines, and they are all along acupuncture points.
02:18:10.000 They are all along points where he was in pain.
02:18:12.000 So they think that it was kind of some primitive form of acupuncture that you would dig in that spot with needles and then you would seal it with like possibly like the way they do moksha, you know, where they burn herbs on that spot and it leaves.
02:18:24.000 That's probably how those tattoos originated.
02:18:27.000 Wow.
02:18:27.000 And it's trippy.
02:18:29.000 It's like.
02:18:29.000 That rewrites history in so many ways.
02:18:31.000 Some crazy European, 2,000 years before acupuncture was in China, was doing something very similar to that.
02:18:37.000 That's pretty weird in itself.
02:18:40.000 Never mind the whole murder mystery aspect of it also.
02:18:43.000 I don't know.
02:18:43.000 I dig these stories.
02:18:44.000 There are so many out there in history that I ever feel they just pick in one and then researching the hell out of it for a couple of months.
02:18:51.000 Well, there was another new one that was saying rewrites history.
02:18:53.000 They found a mammoth, a dead body of a mammoth that had clear evidence of human predation, like one of the ribs had been shattered, they think, with a spear or something like that.
02:19:04.000 But the problem was it was 45,000 years old in Siberia, and they didn't even know the people were there back then.
02:19:10.000 Right.
02:19:10.000 So they're like, okay, well, I guess we're...
02:19:14.000 A little off here with the time, too.
02:19:16.000 It just keeps going on and on.
02:19:18.000 I don't remember the exact specific details of this story.
02:19:21.000 It's almost the problem with the overabundance of stories on the internet.
02:19:25.000 You almost get too many of them.
02:19:26.000 I know.
02:19:26.000 They're just coming at you all day.
02:19:28.000 I was telling that to Jamie right before we started.
02:19:30.000 I was like, Jesus Christ, I love internet, but at the same time, I need to get out of the way sometime because it's just too much stuff.
02:19:36.000 There's good stuff, but too much.
02:19:38.000 You could go down a motherfucking rabbit hole.
02:19:40.000 I went down a penis operation rabbit hole the other day.
02:19:45.000 Somebody sent me a link.
02:19:46.000 Matt Staggs actually sent me a link to some guy who grew back his foreskin.
02:19:50.000 And I was like, alright, let's see what he did.
02:19:52.000 So this guy like put like weights and stretched out his foreskin and all this different shit.
02:19:58.000 And so then from that, you know, like the suggestions over the right hand side on YouTube, one of them was like this penis operation.
02:20:04.000 I was like, oh Christ.
02:20:06.000 So then I go to this thing, and this guy is under, and they installed a pump in his ball sack.
02:20:12.000 And so the doctor, with his rubber gloves covered in blood, is squeezing on this guy's balls, and he's turning this guy's dick hard.
02:20:19.000 And I'm like, what?
02:20:20.000 That's what Liberace had, apparently.
02:20:22.000 He had one of them pumps.
02:20:24.000 Ugh!
02:20:24.000 They put a pump, like you're pumping your dick up with fluid, I guess.
02:20:31.000 There's like a fluid in there.
02:20:32.000 And then you hit a button and it releases it, and your dick goes flaccid again.
02:20:36.000 It's fucking bizarre.
02:20:39.000 The head doesn't get hard, though.
02:20:41.000 The head is like sort of halfway soft.
02:20:43.000 Yeah, like a floppy head.
02:20:45.000 It didn't seem like I was disappointed.
02:20:47.000 That doesn't work.
02:20:48.000 That kind of defeats the purpose.
02:20:50.000 It was strange, and there was all these other penis operations that I just couldn't do it.
02:20:55.000 I couldn't get into it.
02:20:56.000 Yep, that's the internet for you.
02:20:59.000 Yeah, you can go deep.
02:21:00.000 You can go deep.
02:21:01.000 Alright, Daniele Bolelli, thank you very much, sir.
02:21:03.000 Your book, Not Afraid, it is out right now.
02:21:06.000 Daniele Bolelli, author also of Create Your Own Religion, History on Fire podcast, D Bolelli, B-O-L-E-L-L-I on Twitter.
02:21:18.000 Thank you, my brother.
02:21:19.000 Always a good time chatting with you.
02:21:20.000 All right, fuckers.
02:21:21.000 We'll be back tomorrow with Kyle Kingsbury, former UFC fighter, all-around great guy, and fanny pack enthusiast.
02:21:27.000 He'll be here tomorrow.
02:21:28.000 See you.
02:21:28.000 Bye-bye.