This week, the boys talk about the time Bert forgot to record a podcast, how to keep track of when you re going to a comedy show, and the weirdest things people do when they re stoned. Also, Bert gets a new iPhone, and we talk about why we don t want to be curious anymore. We also talk about how we ve never been curious before, and why we like it that way. And of course, we answer your questions! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. All rights reserved. Used by permission. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your stuff. Please don t forget to rate, review, and subscribe to our other shows! We re working on transcribing this episode so we can make sure we re always getting the latest episodes out there as soon as possible. Thank you so much for listening and supporting us! See ya next week for the next episode! Timestamps: 3:00 - We ve got a new episode coming soon! 4:00:30 - We re getting a new phone! 5:20 - What s the worst thing you ve ever done? 6:15 - What are you curious about? 7:40 - What do you like about ants? 8:00 9:00 | What s your favorite thing? 11: How do you want to veg out? 13:40 16: What s a good day? 17:30 18:30 | How do they re you like it? 19:20 21: Can you ve been curious? 22:00 / 16:30 Is it cool? 23:30 Can you be curious about something new? 26: Is it a little bit weird? 27:30 Do you have a question? 29:30 What do they like it better? 30:30 Are they interesting? 35:00 Can you have it better than that szn? 36: What are they not interested in something else? 37: Is that a question you re curious about it szn=1? 39:00 +3? 40:00 Do you like them? 41:00 Are you interested in being curious about shit? 45:00 Is it weird?
00:01:52.000You gotta ask people in an email or a text.
00:01:54.000Asking someone in person, unless you're both sober.
00:01:58.000And another problem I have is when people give me their numbers, I don't save it in my phone, and so when they text me a month later, I'm like, Fuck, who is this guy that's texting him?
00:04:03.000They're all like in the same row, and we're trying to figure out how they do it.
00:04:06.000It's by pheromones and shit, and then you see these super complex civilizations that they build underground, especially those leafcutter ants.
00:04:16.000Dude, leaf cutter ants are so sophisticated that they've engineered some sort of like ventilation system so they could bring leaves down into their crazy house and they'll ferment.
00:04:31.000These leaves will ferment in these like bowls that they've dug into the ground and there's a pipe above it that's like an air pipe that they've tunneled up through the surface just to allow the gases to escape.
00:04:43.000No explanation whatsoever how they all know how to do this.
00:04:47.000No explanation how they ever figured it out.
00:07:32.000But what I've read is that they're pretty sure that bees are affected by cell phone signals in some sort of a negative way, and it interferes with their ability to communicate with each other.
00:07:44.000Or there's another possible thought is that they might be hearing the sound of the cell phone signal all the time, and it's just driving them nuts.
00:08:15.000No, they had this stunt where they were covering people in bees.
00:08:19.000And so we were on this ranch, and they had these people, and they would stand there, like, leaning up against a pole, and this guy would come over with bees and just coat them with bees, like, scoop it on them.
00:08:29.000And they had to stand with the bees on them for a certain amount of time.
00:09:02.000So we all left the set, and we went over by these trailers that they had set up, and we kind of watched these bees just fly around each other.
00:09:58.000Driven through, like, smack, smack, smack, all over the windshield?
00:10:01.000Over by NBC in Burbank, you know that, like, right off Alameda, that back road?
00:10:06.000I was driving through one time, I had my windows down, and all of a sudden, maybe a thousand bees just flying around and all in the car, and I was like, mother...
00:12:40.000But what was happening was there were these two, I'm going to say gay hipsters, they have man buns, and they were just looking at each other, they're like shaking their head going, that's not true.
00:12:51.000And I was like, oh man, our kids are so far removed from the stray dogs fucking in your front yard that these guys think that dogs, you just adopt them, and that they're almost genetically made in laboratories, that they don't just fuck on the streets.
00:13:07.000It was so interesting to watch these two kids just go like, it's not true.
00:13:10.000Well, that's sort of part of the premise of Joey's bit.
00:13:13.000That, you know, you don't see that anymore.
00:16:30.000And he was in, he was like the worst, he was in the worst health out of all the time that I've known him.
00:16:37.000He was real big then, like real heavy.
00:16:40.000And he, you know, it's just, when you get like that, I don't know what it is, that blood sugar spike thing where you just fucking need to eat right now or you're freaking out.
00:16:52.000He gets there, you know, he gets to that spot.
00:16:55.000Oh, he got on me one time, because he called me, and I didn't answer.
00:17:00.000And then he called again, and I didn't answer.
00:17:03.000And he called a third time, and I still didn't answer.
00:17:07.000And then he started calling aggressively.
00:17:08.000And I was like, oh, something's wrong.
00:17:10.000So I pick up the phone, and he goes, no, no, we're fucking friends.
00:17:14.000If I call, that means I need to talk to you.
00:17:16.000You pick up your fucking phone, or we're not fucking friends.
00:18:14.000Joey's been to every Easter at my house, every Christmas Eve, every Christmas dinner.
00:18:20.000For the past, ever since I've known him.
00:18:22.000Because that, because that, and that, it's interesting, because it's helped blossom a part of my personality, because I'm really fucking, I got intimacy issues.
00:18:30.000Like, I don't, like, I like to be friends with people, but my phone calls are usually pretty short.
00:23:37.000There's, like, this something, these thoughts, this, like...
00:23:41.000Compression that's holding you back Joey had that and then one day he didn't have it anymore I mean it was crazy and we had been friends for like a couple of years And he just wasn't doing well like his is he wasn't doing well on stage and then all the sudden He was murdering like I've never seen anything like it before it was like a switch flipped And there's a different person out there.
00:24:07.000And he was the same guy from the parking lot.
00:24:09.000It doesn't matter who the fuck's in the crowd.
00:25:42.000Well, we were talking about this that you do that show so much that maybe it's reached the point where the show is kind of getting in the way.
00:29:28.000I did that for, when we did, we shot Birth to Conqueror, and I'm not saying I stole from Action Bronson, but like, after watching enough content, I was like, I don't need the intros, I don't need any of this shit.
00:31:31.000Like, if I take a week off and I just haven't done stand-up, and then I get back on stage again, I feel like I gotta get the engine cranking again.
00:33:05.000How about you do a show where you go and you do stand-up on the road, and then you go out to places sort of like Dave Attell used to have, like Insomniac.
00:33:21.000The network's changed direction, so we don't know exactly what's going to happen with anyone, really.
00:33:28.000Candidly, I think everyone knows this, but the network kind of did like a cleaning house and moved everyone to Knoxville and left Chevy Chase, Maryland, and there's a new president and a new SVP. Knoxville, Tennessee?
00:33:40.000Yeah, that's where Scripps is headquartered.
00:37:41.000It's tough when you're on a diet, you'd be shocked when you've been groomed on this lifestyle, how often you just go to the fridge and open it.
00:37:50.000It's like how often you go to get a snack and you're like, wait, oh fuck, I can't snack.
00:37:53.000Like, and so it's interesting to pull that part of your personality back.
00:37:57.000And the last part of my personality is like, I don't know, if like a good opportunity shows up and someone wants to do a shot, I want to be able to do a shot.
00:38:04.000So like, I think that cutting out all carbs together would just be tough for me.
00:38:08.000What about just cutting out beer and just doing like vodka or something?
00:38:11.000Because isn't a beer way worse for you then?
00:40:33.000If you try to impose your healthiness on them, like if people are working out and they have a friend that doesn't work out, come on, get to the gym, go to the gym.
00:40:43.000And it's a fine line you dance when you're on a podcast where you want to talk about fitness and fitness goals you're doing and then give advice to friends, like maybe you should try like this.
00:43:20.000For me, it was a way to relax at the end of the night, watch some TV, get on my treadmill, listen to a podcast, put on YouTube, and get on the treadmill and just kind of walk at a four and have a bottle of wine.
00:43:31.000Well, listen, it's way better than not walking on the treadmill and just drinking the bottle of wine.
00:44:11.000I might have one bottle of wine a night Like I'm on the road all the time.
00:44:14.000So like I'll drink on the road sometimes and when I'm home I don't drink But I was like I didn't drink like oh I drank a little bit last night, but it just seems like a stunning number Four bottles of wine a night, if that's the same size box as he's talking about.
00:44:28.000Yeah, and your blood sugar must be out of control from all that wine.
00:44:31.000Blood sugar is probably a little out of sync because I noticed that if I have a cup of coffee the next morning, I start firing real hot, almost like manic.
00:44:44.000You write really good when your blood sugar is spiking.
00:47:01.000The thing about Vietnam that I witnessed or I experienced was that if you get in a fight with one Vietnamese dude, 100 Vietnamese guys are jumping on top of you.
00:48:24.000Yeah, and he's like, and if you do that, and you get a fight, you literally have 50 Vietnamese guys on you.
00:48:29.000And he was like, and it happens, and it happened to me.
00:48:31.000Like, two weeks ago, I got in a fight with one guy, and just, I mean, everyone, like, store owners were dropping their aprons and jumping on this guy, he said.
00:51:00.000And I think the argument would be, the argument they would make, I'm not saying it's right, would be that women get sexually harassed and ogled at a regular gym and they get uncomfortable and they don't want to have to deal with men.
00:51:15.000They could probably, at a bar, have it called No Broads or whatever and just have the line that most bars have where they're like, uh, no, we're only letting the women in tonight, you know?
00:51:42.000I feel like I grew up in a time when you'd go to the men's locker room where the bar was, where all the men would play cards as a kid at, like, country clubs, and you'd walk in and you'd be like, one day.
00:51:52.000And then sadly, that was all taken away before I could ever get there.
00:51:55.000Yeah, there's no real place like a bachelor's club.
00:51:58.000You know, that's what pool halls used to be.
00:52:01.000Pool halls was like, what pool halls were at the turn of the century in New York City was like, and a lot of places in the country, were these places where young men who didn't want a family, They wanted a bachelor life.
00:52:15.000They didn't want to have a 9.5 job, you know, some square life.
00:52:19.000They wanted to have action, and they wanted to gamble, and they wanted to drink, and they wanted to stay together and just be men.
00:52:25.000And they would go to pool halls, and they would gamble.
00:52:28.000And pool halls were almost entirely, they almost entirely revolved around gambling, which is like a little known secret.
00:52:35.000Like the game is called billiard, pocket billiards, but it's called pool because you pool all your money together for a bet.
00:53:02.000If you want to be a bachelor, if you want to be a 50-year-old guy and live by yourself and you never had kids and you don't have a regular job and you used to hang out in a pool hall all the time, you're a fucking loser.
00:53:12.000But you could have the same amount of money, have a wife that you don't really like being around, be trapped in some weird job, and people think you're a winner.
00:53:34.000You better be some camper or something.
00:53:36.000If you want to get by in normal conversation with people and tell them that you're not married and you don't have a 9-to-5 job and you don't really care for that, but you're 49 years old.
00:55:39.000It would be cool if they had a legit pool, you could play poker, know that there was a Thursday night poker game you could go to.
00:55:47.000That was a lot of the same thing in a lot of ways, is guys looking to hang out with other guys.
00:55:53.000There's a certain amount of society that just demasculates you.
00:55:58.000And having a regular job where you have to, you know, and it's just...
00:56:03.000When you have to wear a fucking tie and a suit, you're right away, you're doing something you don't want to do.
00:56:08.000You're dressing in a way that you would never dress if you were just left to your own devices, right?
00:56:12.000You got a tie and a suit and a fucking one of those pocket scarf things and you have to go to work and you can't swear.
00:56:18.000And you're there all day and your feet hurt because you've got a wooden heel.
00:56:22.000Walking around with a wooden heel and a fucking hard leather sole like a stupid shoe that you have to wear and you got a tie clip and you're fucking you have to bullshit on the phone and you have to Pretend to be someone that you're not all day long that like when you have to pretend To not be a guy who likes pussy or not be a guy who likes to party or swear or you you have to like neuter yourself in a lot of ways and in doing so over long periods of time Especially when you're rewarded for that you're
00:56:52.000rewarded for it at work or your exemplary conduct You know, he's got a great bedside manner.
00:56:57.000He's got he's got a wonderful office manners Yeah, you know you you fucking slow it slowly start to chip away at you and You start to slowly become something that you're not really.
00:57:09.000And you don't get a chance to express yourself.
00:57:11.000And you get a few hours at the end of the day to have a couple of drinks and go to sleep and do it all over again.
00:57:17.000And your reset period that you get over the weekend, it's not enough.
00:57:22.000You know, if you had a year to be yourself again and just be around your friends, and you guys could just behave and think the way you really feel, laugh at shit you actually think is funny, fuck around with each other...
00:57:37.000Me, you, and Al, and we're sitting together talking about someone, and you're like, I can get that guy to suck my dick.
00:57:43.000And me, you, and Al laughed so fucking hard, and I just thought to myself, I thought, no one lives in that world that we live in that we're all a little fucking toasty, and you're like, I can get that guy to suck my dick.
00:59:05.000Fucking Tommy and I, Tommy, that's one of our biggest, because, you know, we started together, doing the road together, and one of the favorite things, when you sit in the green room with a guy, it's just kind of bullshit.
00:59:32.000He's funny in a way that I... But he's like Joey.
00:59:37.000Because I remember watching Tom when he just...
00:59:39.000Tom's hearing this, so I know you know I love you to death, Tommy.
00:59:42.000But there was a time where Tom, and he'll admit this, that he was trying to figure out how to do it like a tell.
00:59:48.000And he would just be like, like his pacing was off.
00:59:50.000And then all of a sudden, something switched on him, and he's telling stories where I can't find out, I don't see the setup punch, but I'm howling, fuck, Tommy!
01:00:00.000Just fucking howling, laughing at him.
01:00:02.000And I'm like, fucking, he is dialed in.
01:00:05.000He is in the sweet spot of his writing right now.
01:00:51.000Those bits have been beaten down so much that you almost have to have something fucking catastrophic happen on a plane for you to do a joke about being on a plane.
01:01:01.000It's like that subject matter, like people's eyes sort of glaze over if you go over that.
01:01:07.000Because they've heard plane jokes and travel jokes.
01:01:10.000Because comedians talk about what they do.
01:01:12.000And if you only travel all the time, you're doing shows and then traveling.
01:01:16.000So like this show, no one's going to be able to relate to that.
01:02:02.000You know, it's talking about it on stage.
01:02:05.000You're going to have so much material, man.
01:02:08.000Once you, if you stop doing that show, if you decide, and then, you know, you do this hour, and then you go to make your next hour, and you start talking about just the crazy shit you've done, oh my god, you have so much time.
01:02:20.000I mean, I literally, right now, I'm looking at this hour, and I'm chunking it out.
01:02:23.000And, you know, my youngest daughter is a very interesting child.
01:02:26.000So, like, I've got a whole chunk about her.
01:02:28.000I've got a middle chunk I'm on the fence about.
01:02:34.000But then I just literally break to like, I fought a bear, I got involved with the Russian Mafia, and I'm like, just get rid of this chunk so I can go, I drank goat's blood with a Maasai chief, I fucking had my first open water dive at 90 feet, I fucking jumped off the tallest stratosphere,
01:02:49.000I jumped off the, like, I literally am like ready to get this hour out so I can just start writing, but that's the, and that's, I think, maybe I'm lucky right now because I go, I'm ready to go on the road and figure the hour out.
01:03:04.000Well, the way to do that is, I think, is doing these little short sets around town, too.
01:03:11.000Where you just go up and say, for the next 15 minutes, I'm going to talk about drinking blood with the Maasai chief, and we'll fucking see what we can get out of this.
01:05:14.000I'd said on a podcast with you, I'd said I wanted to go out there for the Super Bowl, and it didn't work out because I did a podcast with Kroll on Monday, and I wouldn't be able to make it back.
01:06:21.000The same way this is for you, that is what you do.
01:06:23.000When I first started listening to this podcast, I go, this is what Joe does.
01:06:26.000He gets online at the end of the night, smokes a joint, and just researches his most important shit, most crazy, insane shit, and now he's just telling us about it.
01:07:09.000And you know, man, it's like, you know, Doug will say this, but he doesn't get to hang out with comics because he lives in the middle of nowhere.
01:07:15.000So when he rolled in, he was in his pajamas, never changed out of his pajamas, just smiling ear to ear and smoking a cigarette.
01:07:21.000And he's like, what can I get you to drink?
01:07:23.000And literally, off the bat, we start podcasting.
01:11:17.000Isn't it crazy when we were kids you thought of someone who had a million dollars as being like the most unbelievably rich set for life, and then you hear someone's house cost a million dollars, you're like, holy shit, a million dollars.
01:11:28.000And then you look at what a million dollars buys you in LA and you're like, what?
01:11:32.000How about what it buys you in New York City?
01:14:11.000They found out that Trump's real name, like his great-grandfather changed it to Trump, but it was originally Drumpf or whatever it was called.
01:14:41.000But Brian, people my age, there's so many Brians because a Brian song came out the year I was born, so everyone named their kid Brian because of that fucking movie.
01:17:01.000He knew she ran away halfway through the ride, because he's like, hey, you left your phone, and you took blankets.
01:17:08.000And then she was like, because he called me on my phone, and she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought Bert wanted to sleep in the car halfway through.
01:17:14.000I'm like, oh, I could sleep in this fucking car?
01:17:26.000I told some secrets maybe that I shouldn't have said to Doug, but one of the things Bingo said, she wanted this guy and Doug to kind of meet and figure out what she should do.
01:17:35.000So I was like, she wants you to podcast and do it.
01:19:10.000And we all accept that there's ups and downs to being a person.
01:19:14.000There's highs and lows, and you get in slumps, and you feel like shit, and then you come back and you feel great.
01:19:19.000And that's one of the reasons why you appreciate those really high spots, because you remember when you didn't feel so good.
01:19:25.000But you see someone like Bingo, like when she was hanging around with Doug, and in my eyes, it was always like, Doug's, you gotta let Doug be Doug.
01:19:34.000You know, and Doug's always had a problem with, you know, when he was with other chicks, there was always like some sort of a different kind of drama than like what Bingo presented.
01:20:19.000And even though rationally, obviously, I know that people have their ups and downs.
01:20:23.000When I remember someone who's like really happy and really laughing and, you know, like big open smile, you know, throwing her head back laughing.
01:22:12.000And I think we don't forget about them either.
01:22:14.000Like if you get in a relationship, you break up, you feel like you got over it, but that still is something in you that's taxing that you don't even know.
01:22:21.000You've actually taken down a couple levels of happiness.
01:22:51.000No, but that's one of the beauties of Doug.
01:22:54.000I always look at other people as always glass half full.
01:22:59.000That's the cool thing about Doug, is that obviously Doug's shows are footing the bills for the tour manager, the manager, for their wives, their girlfriends, and it's like this real big family.
01:23:10.000So what was really heartbreaking for me, because I hung out with them, and I didn't know anything was wrong at all.
01:23:15.000I mean, I knew that they were going through this, but we were all hanging out.
01:23:18.000And Bingo was there, and we were laughing and singing.
01:23:21.000I showed these guys the videos, I have them on my computer, of just, I mean, just, I'm telling you, like, St. Elmo's fire shit.
01:23:27.000Like, everyone holding arms, just literally having the greatest time of my life.
01:24:54.000Do you believe, because I wonder sometimes, do you believe then that all those problems that society slid in where you now are on Prozac or whatever, do you think that they would be pulled away and that person would go like, man, I'm feeling good.
01:25:33.000But I think for some people, they're really important.
01:25:36.000But do you feel like marijuana sometimes acts like a Zoloft for you?
01:25:41.000No, but marijuana definitely gives you a more sensitive perspective, and it calms you down, and it makes you more connected to all the other people that you come in contact with.
01:25:51.000It definitely does that in a lot of ways.
01:25:54.000But it's not what's going on with people that are taking medication.
01:25:58.000The people that are taking medication, like SSRIs, I have some friends that They started using them, and it changed their life.
01:26:08.000And then both of them, coincidentally, not coincidentally, but after a while, they weaned off of them.
01:26:15.000And their life got better, and they're both really smart guys.
01:26:18.000And when their life got better, then they weaned themselves off the psych meds, and they stayed happy.
01:26:23.000So I think everybody's got a different story, too.
01:26:27.000And there's a real, not a danger, but...
01:26:32.000I think it's a real prejudice that people do where they'll decide like it's one way or the other.
01:26:37.000Like it's either you don't need any medication, all you need to do is diet and exercise and run and you'll be fine.
01:26:44.000And then there's other people that think that it's a disease, the way to treat it is primarily through medication and that's it.
01:26:52.000And your health and your exercise routines and your diet really doesn't have any bearing on it because it's There's some sort of a neurological disorder.
01:28:15.000I think some people hit a bad spot, man.
01:28:18.000And I think the psych drugs can fucking pull them up and then they can get accustomed to being on balance and then they can get off of them.
01:29:27.000I have a lot of emotional epiphanous moments.
01:29:30.000Because, you know, I had a day where I jumped off the tallest stadium in the world, swam with great white sharks, and then rappelled up a 3,000-foot mountain.
01:29:37.000So, like, at the end of that day, you're sitting there going, like, the fuck, man?
01:32:02.000My initial idea of coming in was like, go in, do stand-up near Bisbee, see if I can stand-up to look at my hour, tell me where I'm being lazy.
01:32:11.000And then he was like, just do it in my house.
01:35:24.000No, I mean, like, a lot of people have cut their cable, like, including myself, I've had it for two years now, and you rely on, like, Hulu and stuff like that to watch everything.
01:38:52.000How many different people all over the world said pussyhole in a hundred different languages?
01:38:59.000None of them aware that somebody in Greece had already claimed that nomenclature.
01:39:04.000But, so we ended up watching it, and then Bill came over, and Bill's like, and we were at episode three, he's like, you haven't let them see episode four yet.
01:39:13.000No, he goes, God, don't let them fucking see it.
01:39:15.000But what's so crazy is, like, we're sitting in the kitchen, and my daughter walks in, she doesn't give a shit about celebrity, that doesn't mean anything.
01:39:21.000But she heard Bill's voice and went, It was creepy.
01:39:26.000I was like, yo, Georgia, this is the guy you've been listening to all day.
01:43:05.000You heard the one, I laid in bed one night on the road and I just was like, I'll listen to Stan Hope and Chad and Chaley and Brian Hedigan sounds like fucking Nanny McPhee.
01:43:35.000Esther Ku, on the end of every single one of her podcasts, masturbates and just records herself masturbating while she's doing her tour dates and stuff like that.
01:43:44.000And it's legit because you could hear like a...
01:45:57.000How many people went right to Esther Ku's, Ku and the gang, and just went to the, go to the Anthony Kumi one, go right to the end, last ten minutes?
01:48:34.000Those, like, spas, those Korean spas, that's the one thing that I'm really worried that we're gonna lose in this sort of homogenization of the world.
01:50:18.000Like, prickling on your feet, and then they get out, they put you in a room that's like, oh, I'm in a ballpark, and I know this sounds make-believe, but like at like 200 degrees.
01:50:26.000It was the hottest room I've ever been in my life.
01:50:28.000Like, it's not a sauna, it hurts your eyes, and it hurts to breathe.
01:50:32.000You stand there for like five minutes, then they come out, they wash you, they dunk you, they put you back in, and it's all about cleaning out your impurities.
01:50:39.000I gotta be honest with you, man, I walked out of that place feeling clean as fuck.
01:51:15.000In San Diego, there's this massage parlor where they clean you first, and she, like, was lifting my legs up, cleaned my asshole, jacking me off, and then we went...
01:51:26.000Girl would kind of be forced into that sort of an environment if she had to wash guys assholes like There's there's gonna be a certain amount of guys that want more than you to just wash their dick and wash their asshole Yeah, keep washing that it felt good though having somebody wash your electrical because I laid there and she washed me for like 20 minutes and it felt like oh my god I'm a baby again kind of it was like this weird feeling I hadn't felt in a while What I'm thinking is that having the girl removed from the equation
01:52:11.000Like, if you don't want to fuck every other guy you wash all day, and you're grabbing their legs and washing their balls and assholes, how many dudes are going to try to fuck you?
01:52:19.000It's like, could you imagine that kind of a work environment?
01:53:28.000What if you worked at Chipotle, you were the first guy on the line, and you were the one who asked if you want a steak bowl, and 8 out of 10 people wanted to fuck you.
01:53:41.000Eight out of ten people tried to fuck you while you were at work.
01:53:44.000Can you imagine that kind of pressure of having a job like that?
01:54:35.000And I'm telling you when I say this, and this is, I agree 100% what you're saying.
01:54:40.000I don't think they're going to disappear because in our country, we respect, I'm going to say minorities, but we respect minorities not wanting to be a part, like wanting to have their own thing.
01:54:51.000We just don't respect it with white people.
01:54:53.000So forever, we're going to allow Russians and Koreans and Japanese and Asians to have their own little secret separate towns where, like, you can't do their shit because we go, as America, we're oversensitive.
01:55:09.000If you want to be a part of our clubs, you can do that.
01:55:10.000We don't even give a fuck about your clubs.
01:55:13.000There's karaoke spots, I don't know if you've ever been in Koreatown, that are fucking amazing.
01:55:19.000You get a private room with private, like literally your own screen and your own video where you and a bunch of families could go in and do your own karaoke and it's so much fucking fun.
01:57:13.000So I think what you're saying, like you go to these Russian bass plays, you walk in as a white guy, like not speaking Russian, and they're literally like, what the fuck are you doing here?
01:57:32.000It's not that it's the right choice or that it's ultimately the way people are going to think and behave, but to have it exist and to have it be natural, I mean, it's obviously natural.
01:58:46.000Take away one thing, but then the stuff like the Korean spa or the karaoke place or the Russian baths, why don't they go in and protest them?
01:58:53.000Well, because the idea is that these small communities, they...
01:58:59.000Retain a bit of their homeland, a bit of their past, a bit of their culture in these areas.
01:59:06.000And if you are a progressive person, the idea is that you're supposed to allow that kind of thinking because it preserves this unique culture.
01:59:17.000And it is delicate because the kids that are assimilating into our culture, the children of their children that are assimilating into these cities, like if they're first and second generation immigrants, they eventually become Americanized.
01:59:30.000And these cool things like the Russian bathhouses or the Korean bathhouses, the banyas, there's a bunch of them, right?
01:59:37.000Aren't there a bunch of different cool ethnic little things that people do?
01:59:45.000It's interesting to see all the different ways that people do things.
01:59:48.000And if we start putting targets in Kmarts all across the world, and that becomes everything, and we all learn each other's language, and everything slides into one set of rules for the whole planet, it probably won't be as fun.
02:00:02.000I mean, I never really had a culture, so to speak, because we were transplants from the North into Florida.
02:00:07.000So, like, I never was Southern, because my parents were from New York and Philly.
02:00:10.000Like, I never felt Southern, so I never, like, got attached to the...
02:03:12.000To Koreatown to go eat Korean barbecue because he wanted to teach us real Korean barbecue, like what they eat, not the kind that we believe it is.
02:09:11.000I'm envious in the sense that what you've done, and only that I could not do it, begin it now.
02:09:16.000What you did is you kind of took the renaissance to yourself, and you allowed people that think differently than you to come to you and talk to you, and you got to kind of soak in their information like a sponge.
02:09:26.000As a stand-up man, that is like, that's the fucking, that's what we all should be doing.
02:09:31.000Instead of just sitting around and going, what does this guy think about airplanes?
02:10:52.000You don't want people to know you're competitive because competitive people are aggressive and aggressive people make people uncomfortable and uncomfortable people are assholes, right?
02:12:57.000I saw one up within five feet of it, and I literally said, if that thing rolled through your neighborhood, you'd think it was a fucking werewolf.
02:13:05.000It's one of the most powerful bites of all the mammals, too.
02:13:11.000Low hindquarters, almost like a gorilla, bared up.
02:13:15.000Brian Callen told me this fucking story once about this, I guess, I don't remember if it was a guy or a girl, but you're getting a third-hand stoned version of this story, but someone was training hyenas, and they rolled their ankle, and they had a limp.
02:13:32.000And as soon as the hyena realized they had a limp, even though they had trained this hyena, the hyena attacked them and took a chunk out of their calf, just clamped down on them and bit them and they had to fight it off and it couldn't help itself.
02:14:44.000Is that like used as the same as a cock or is it just like a woman, like a female has a pussy boner sometimes it comes out like her clit and it's long and hard.
02:17:51.000I can't imagine any conservation argument that you could ever make, which is like one of the most important arguments for hunting.
02:18:00.000I can't imagine any conservation effort you would make where it's like to get your meat, you're going to get in a plane and you're going to fly across the ocean.
02:18:11.000It's going to take you 16 hours and then you're going to kill something over there and then you're going to bring it back on a plane all the way to California or the way to Michigan or wherever you live.
02:18:23.000The only reason why I'd be going over there is because I enjoyed hunting.
02:18:26.000And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
02:18:54.000Like, you know, Zimbabwe, this is an article recently about the Cecil the Lion thing that's kind of fucked up.
02:18:58.000They're going to cull 200 lions in Zimbabwe because hunters aren't going there anymore.
02:19:03.000So they have too many lions, so because they have too many lions, the cows, the undulates, the wild animals that they have roaming around through the fields, apparently they're getting devastated.
02:19:14.000So their solution is to go out and cull 200 lions, which means they're going to shoot them.
02:19:18.000Not only is it not going to give them any money, but they're going to have to pay money to someone to go out there and find these lions and shoot them.
02:21:22.000They're always right, and we're not going to run out of batteries.
02:21:25.000So what you do is you go to a calculator, and in my fucking brain, I was done, dude.
02:21:31.000Numbers were not even remotely important to me.
02:21:34.000The quest to calculate things, and I get that it's a nice little game, it's a little puzzle for your mind, but it's not interesting enough for me.
02:21:44.000Do you remember when they told you, oh, and you'll just carry a calculator in your pocket around all day, or are you going to learn how to do math?
02:22:23.000Mathematics is a weird thing because it's the simple mathematics, like calculations, like addition, multiplication, division, stuff that you have to do in your head that everybody associates with math, like, oh, god, math is so boring.
02:22:36.000But then you get to weird math, like math that's kind of solving equations about, like, how big a black hole is and trying to figure out, like, Gravity waves and they're doing a lot of that stuff with mathematics and they're analyzing data and measuring and calculating and trying to figure out like the the way the fucking universe works and it's all with some strange math that you got to go deep [...
02:23:06.000get to that goodwill hunting shit that they That blows my mind Someone make one video of just explaining that kind of problem And what's the deal with remainders?
02:26:19.000I don't like when I see someone like Kurt Metzger, who I find to be fucking hilarious, when I watch people attack him based on some list of fucking demands they have, like terrorists.
02:27:04.000This is what I think we have to really be careful about.
02:27:07.000We have to really be careful about, and I don't mean us, I mean as humans, We've got to really be careful about trying to get other people to think and behave the way we do.
02:27:18.000Once you establish a guideline of how we all want to be treated with each other, you're going to have disagreements.
02:27:30.000And if you believe one thing and I believe something that's different than what you believe, It can become a real problem if I decide to go after you for your belief and attack you for your belief and try to get you fired for your belief.
02:28:00.000You have to be offensive in an honest way that is undeniable, especially in this era, because we're living in this era where we're supposed to pretend that certain differences don't exist, and diversity is the most important thing, but there's some hilarious differences.
02:28:14.000And it's one of the reasons why we like black comics.
02:28:16.000Because black comics can shit all over white people, and it's just the same kind of funny, racist, racial humor, and it's totally acceptable.
02:28:24.000Because white people have been dicks to black people for so long that it's just in the guidelines.
02:28:30.000If you go back to old Eddie Murphy or Richard Pryor bits, they were great, and white people liked them.
02:31:05.000Kevin did a comedy group with all the guys that tour with him, and all the guys that tour with him, they call themselves the Plastic Cup Boys.
02:31:30.000I'm going to recreate that, but I'm going to do it to Tom Segura.
02:31:33.000And I'm gonna be like fuck fuck your babies.
02:31:36.000We got real kids 11 years old have like you could reenact it sort of like how they reenact the Civil War you guys can reenact the Cat Williams and Kevin Hart comedy feud if it were to really go down He's got his jet going in the background and he got into a Lamborghini dude first of all whose Lamborghini is that and whose jet?
02:33:01.000He said something that I remember reading or watching a video rather and he was talking and it made total sense and I didn't really consider it that much before.
02:33:10.000He was like, I never eat before I go on stage.
02:33:13.000I don't want to have any food digesting in my stomach.
02:35:06.000And then I've done something racist on accident, and then realizing you've done something that is in fact hurtful is like, holy fuck, you're almost taking the real meaning of the word away from the word.
02:39:10.000That thing where you did that, if they did know you and they knew you said the wrong words and they knew that, okay, this guy genuinely would have said this to a bunch of white people and he just slipped.
02:39:19.000I had listened to Opie and Anthony and it was in my fucking repertoire of words to say when I walk in a room.
02:39:25.000But there's a giant difference between that and someone who walks in that bathroom with a decided intention to make those black men uncomfortable.
02:40:12.000I remember just the guy pulling me aside and literally grabbing me, not being nice about it, but grabbing me and saying, you don't say those words here.
02:45:28.000He became obsessed with figuring out a time machine so he could go back in time and save his father and that's that's what led him on this path to become like the world specialist in I mean he's like a legit credentialed you know respected intellectual and scientist and his his accomplishments is like he's been able to like Try to keep track of and study time in a way that they're really thinking that there's going to
02:45:58.000come one point in time someday where they're going to be able to figure out how to travel back and forth through time.
02:46:03.000It's going to take a long-ass time, but one thing that he learned was that he most likely will never be able to go back in time and save his dad.
02:46:13.000And so I think the idea, as it's been explained, if I remember correctly, is that you only can time travel back to the point where the first time machine was made.
02:46:25.000So if someone one day comes up with a time machine, say if that's like 100 years from now, from that moment on, from the moment of the invention of the time machine to forever in the future, all those people can come back to that moment.
02:46:39.000So you're telling me the first guy that events at time and train can travel back a second, then two seconds, then five seconds?
02:46:48.000When the moment a first time machine is invented, all the people that have gone from, you know, let's say a time machine gets invented in 2050, okay?
02:46:57.000All the people from 2050 to as long as human life survives and as long as there's a power source and as long as there's a computer grid, as long as there's some method of establishing information, all those people will be able to come back to that moment and any other moment in between.
02:47:48.000300 million people in America right now, but a time machine gets invented, and then all of a sudden, people from 2050 to 250,050, to whenever the fuck the next big asteroid wipes us out like the dinosaurs.
02:48:02.000You've got super, super far distance in the future people.
02:48:05.000Every day, every person has the possibility and potential with technology to reach this moment right now.
02:48:12.000And what if they did all together, all at once?
02:48:15.000Would we even have the space to contain them?
02:48:18.000Would we even have the space on this earth?
02:48:19.000We would have to regulate time travel at every second of every day from today on until the moment.
02:50:01.000Wouldn't it be cool to see like scientists actually work on time travel like if they're like like shooting lasers at walls and trying to run through the wall or Essentially, they're definitely doing it in one way or another.
02:50:10.000They might not even realize they're doing it, but every intensive scientific experiment that anyone's doing anywhere in the world, any results that they get, any groundbreaking results, all get kind of added together into this soup of possibilities.
02:50:23.000So whatever they invent today, whatever they figure out today, even if they're not thinking, like, hey, we're going to invent a time machine, but any new technology that someone invents today makes more things possible.
02:50:33.000And if more things become possible, eventually people are going to get to the point where they go, hey, this time thing, can we manipulate this?
02:50:50.000Are you sure we can't fly through time?
02:50:52.000And if people keep getting smarter and smarter and more and more aware of the possibilities that have been created by all these different technologies, it's going to open up the door to insane possibility, like unimaginable possibility of the ability to manipulate matter, human bodies,
02:51:09.000It's just a matter of whether or not we'll have enough power and whether or not we'll, like, if we do it correctly, we'll figure it out to the point where, like, we definitely didn't figure out the fossil fuel thing or the plastic thing correctly.
02:51:20.000We invented it without considering the consequences of way more fucking people and way more impact on the environment than anybody ever imagined when they first invented those things.
02:51:29.000So when you see the oceans choking up with plastic and the fucking sky's all fucking black with smog from shitty cars, like nobody saw that coming when they invented those things.
02:51:37.000So there's got to be a way where they can look at all the different things that we're doing right now and extrapolate into the future and figure out how to fix it.
02:51:46.000Once they can do that, then it becomes a matter of How much energy do you put forth and what are the rewards that you get back and can you continue to sustain that energy?
02:51:55.000So if you can continue to sustain the energy and you start just creating time machines and you start creating the ability to manipulate bodies and change shapes and you would turn your body into whatever the fuck you wanted it to be and there would be no standard human being.
02:52:10.000There'd be people with fucking wings There would be people with giant heads.
02:52:14.000You could literally, if they start manipulating bodies, it's just a matter of time before they manipulate them at will, and before they manipulate them back and forth.
02:52:22.000What's going to be the first person that decides to become a horse person, and then decides to become a centaur, and then decides to become the Hulk, and then becomes a brony?
02:52:31.000How many fucking people are going to do weird shit to their body once they realize that you can change it?
02:52:47.000If they can figure out how to splice genes into different plants to create more resistant plants to pesticides, and they can figure out how to manipulate things.
02:52:57.000They figured out how to grow a human ear on some sort of mammal.
02:53:02.000I think it was a mouse or something like that.
02:53:03.000They're constantly trying to figure out new ways to combine things and manipulate things.
02:53:09.000Just keep going from today to 100,000 years from now.
02:55:02.000And then there's also a scientist that would have to be involved in the discovery of something as monumental as curing AIDS. If a scientist could figure that out, that would be gigantic for their reputation.
02:56:25.000Dude, I think everything's possible, man.
02:56:27.000I think we're going to come to some weird point in time, whether it's, like I said, a thousand years from now, whatever the fuck it is, there's going to be a weird point in time where we can do anything we want.
02:56:35.000Jamie, pull up that fucking video that you showed me yesterday.
02:57:06.000Remember that part in Indiana Jones where she's riding an elephant, and then she sprays cologne on the elephant, because of the elephant smell?
02:57:38.000What is it about pot that makes you one thing at a time just not interesting enough?
02:57:45.000He got to think about time travel and Chipotle, and how do I break this lighter with two fingers?
02:57:50.000Can I just use two fingers and break this lighter?
02:57:52.000I won't push with a third finger at all.
02:57:54.000He says time travel is possible, he thinks.
02:57:57.000It's just not technologically here yet.
02:57:58.000He says he needs about $250,000 to make a scale model of his machine, but if he could get funding like the Hard Run Collider, like $10 billion, then they could probably do it.
02:58:26.000Google bought this app and they're pushing it out as this thing just became made for pre-order this week.
02:58:33.000It's like a 3D room you're in and you have like a wand and a palette kind of on, wand and right hand palette on your left hand and with some tools you can kind of pick from.
02:59:03.000I want to see you be able to do that and paint and then be able to print it out on your printer.
02:59:08.000You can't print it, but you can share it.
02:59:09.000Well, you can now, but one day a 3D printer will be able to recreate it the same way people can pour molten silver into an ant colony and pull out a fucking ant thing.
02:59:19.000You're going to be able to take this thing and print that too.
02:59:22.000He's drawing a monster's ink type monster and then getting to touch it.
02:59:26.000Well, not only that, he's making flames come out of these things.
03:00:07.000There's some really cool art being made with this.
03:00:09.000The guy that showed this to me, Chadwick at CircleVR, said he's working with, maybe I shouldn't even say, but some really cool visual artists that are making some really, really awesome things.
03:00:54.000It's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.
03:00:56.000When you look at, like, the future, like, you look at technology in the future, and you think, like, what is entertainment going to be like when you see something like this?
03:01:04.000I mean, you're going to have, like, full-on DMT trips with a headset.
03:03:26.000Can I tell you all I could think that whole time?
03:03:29.000Why don't you guys have, could you guys have a VR camera, a virtual reality camera on the side, so people could throw on goggles, smoke a joint, watch the show like they were sitting in the room?
03:03:56.000There's already a few people that have live shows, like a live podcast video where it feels like you're sitting in the studio and you just can walk and look around to whatever you're doing.
03:04:09.000What I love about it, and when I listen, I feel like I'm in the room.
03:04:13.000When I watch it, I still feel like I'm in the room, but man, I would be cool to be able to be on the road and throw on some glasses and just feel like I'm sitting there.
03:04:49.000And the one that Samsung has is cool, but there's one that has a higher resolution.
03:04:56.000The cell phone one is real simple, because you just use your existing cell phone, you slide it into this sort of bracket, you put on the headphones, but they have some that are attached to computers.
03:05:05.000You know, the really intensive programming as far as their ability to computate.
03:05:12.000The big thing about visuals and about artificial reality and about virtual reality, the big thing is computational power.
03:05:21.000To be able to create a seamless reality all the time, it's one of the things you would always see when you would play video games, is like a little bit of lag.
03:05:31.000Like if your computer was struggling because you're...
03:05:35.000You know, your video card couldn't keep up with the resolution of the screen and the frames per second that you had it set at.
03:05:44.000Well, the resolution is a big one because it would establish what the frames per second were because, like, most video cards, like, when I used to make PCs, I used to buy, like, PCs, I used to buy the shell and buy a motherboard and hard drives and shit, and my friend Andrew,
03:06:10.000Yeah, but creating a PC, that's like one of the big things is like if you want to game on it, the old video cards, a lot of them, you'd have to connect two video cards together and form an SLI connection that allowed you to have like double the processing power in order for you to play at a high resolution.
03:06:27.000Otherwise you'd have to turn the resolution down way low so that it looked like shit.
03:06:31.000Like some guys would even take away all the The textures?
03:06:35.000So, like say, you would be playing Quake, so you'd be going down a dark dungeon, it would look cool as fuck, and you would see crazy lighting, and the graphics are amazing, but to the hardcore competitive gamers, that shit was just distracting.
03:06:48.000So what they would do is they would take all the textures out, And they would turn the entire space that you were playing in into this white canvas with you.
03:06:59.000And they could even change what your character represented on their screen.
03:07:04.000So you would say, I'm going to be this little chick character because the chick character is really difficult to hit because she's so small, it's hard to pinpoint.
03:07:14.000Even though they all have the same sort of box that you could shoot them in.
03:07:59.000You don't have the right, like, say if you decide that you're a girl in the game, and a lot of guys, like I said, played as a girl because it was small, you don't get to decide how other people see you.
03:08:09.000Other people can see you as a giant circle.
03:08:12.000Like, instead of even seeing you as a person or seeing you as a moving thing, they can see you as a circle that doesn't change, and you just become a target.
03:08:20.000So it's way easier to hit you than it is for you to hit, or it's way easier for them to hit you than it is for you to hit them.
03:08:28.000Because you've become a giant target, whereas you're playing the game the way it's intended, and they're just an octopus with a machine gun or whatever the fuck their character is.
03:08:37.000So you can kind of manipulate things and change in the settings.
03:08:41.000And some people like it because it makes it real simple.
03:09:38.000It's just the idea of getting into the same format.
03:09:40.000It's just like drinking or drugs, I'm sure.
03:09:43.000The same rituals, you know, and then all of a sudden the same payoff.
03:09:46.000But just imagine once this shit, this technology, this virtual reality technology we were just looking at, imagine if that becomes the new video game, then things are going to be so bizarre because all they're going to have to do is figure out some sort of a bodysuit that you wear where the actions of your environment correspond to how the bodysuit feels.
03:10:09.000Like, you could sit there with this virtual reality thing on and stand there, and when things grab at you, it'll feel like something's actually grabbing you.
03:10:18.000Like, it's gonna get weirder and weirder.
03:10:19.000And then eventually they're gonna go, listen, man, we can give you what we're giving you right now, but it's not as good as we can do.
03:10:24.000What we can do is we can cut your brain open, and we can put these electrodes in there, and I can guarantee you, you are going to be a super person.
03:10:32.000You're going to be one of the Avengers.
03:10:34.000You're going to get your dick sucked any time you snap your finger twice.
03:10:37.000You're going to have a harem of golden girls from Planet Pussy that are here to suck your dick 24 hours a day just waiting like a corral, like immigrants trying to fucking come off of a raft and escape to freedom.
03:10:51.000That's what it's going to be like every day of your life.
03:10:53.000All you've got to do is cut your head open.
03:11:37.000But man, now that I know they're in my backyard, a little wet scrambled egg with some cheese on it, that's the best goddamn thing in the world because they're my eggs.
03:11:44.000But so the same thing will happen is that progression will go just like tomatoes and cucumbers and kale, all that shit we get at a store.
03:12:41.000I think this is also because we are a part of the generation that came before us, they gave birth to us, the people before them gave birth to them, and all you have to do is go back three or four times and you're living with savages, okay?
03:13:32.000I'm not going to take that magic leap into you drilling a hole in my head and sticking in some sort of a USB port and plugging me into the matrix.
03:15:44.000You just get, you get influenced by something that you're not really, you don't have an immune system for it.
03:15:51.000You don't have like an intellectual immune system to say, okay, this is not real.
03:15:57.000So we have to decide what we're doing here.
03:15:59.000Are we going to live in the shittiest fucking neighborhood possible and rent the worst fucking apartment possible as long as it's got an internet connection and just plug Or are we going to try to live a comfortable existence on Earth, in material Earth,
03:16:15.000where you can afford to pay your bills and you don't freak out, and occasionally use this thing?
03:16:22.000Because if it's so much better than real life, if you put it on, and all of a sudden you're an avatar, and it feels like an avatar, and you're having a fucking great time, and you're jumping through the trees and landing in these hammocks, And shit and you're all fucking flying dragons around and going to war and getting hooked up to that tree.
03:17:06.000I'm talking about that computations are going to reach a point where it's so fucking powerful, they're going to be able to create a real world.
03:17:14.000We're going to feel pebbles under your feet.
03:17:38.000It's gonna save marriages, too, because you can be able to put these little yellow or green dots on your wife and then download any girl you want and be like, oh, I'm fucking Roseanne Barr right now.
03:18:03.000I think there will be a lot of people that trade with me.
03:18:06.000But every now and then, I like to throw on some goggles and a bed in a hotel room and just hang out in the room and listen to you guys' podcasts.
03:18:39.000And when that becomes something that I think what we're going to do, and I think we should probably talk about this once we're done here, but I think the best way to do it is to find out when they're available and then set up some sort of a new studio, like a new room in here.
03:19:25.000I mean, as a fan of pot, you know, you got to always come realize I come at this, all of this, and you know this, the first time I met you, and I was like, dude, I got to see the dog, the deprivation tank, the pool table.
03:19:35.000I'm a fan always of comedy, of podcasting.
03:19:40.000And I can tell you what the consumer wants because this is how I use podcasting the way people use it that listen to it.
03:19:46.000Man, when I'm on the road, like, I like to get lost.
03:19:50.000I lay in bed and listen to it in the phone, and I just kind of, like, fall asleep and disappear into it.
03:19:56.000That is the next level of podcasting, I believe, because, man, I'm telling you, I got a lonely night on the road.
03:20:02.000It would be so much easier for me to, like...
03:20:04.000Pour a glass of wine, throw on some goggles, and then just be with you guys.
03:21:48.000Yeah, I think there's going to be interactive movies.
03:21:50.000I think what they're going to do is they're going to figure out a way to engineer virtual reality into an integrated environment where the virtual reality is interactive and there's a bunch of different potentials.
03:22:05.000Say if you, there's a movie, you know, American Werewolf in London.
03:22:09.000It's got a really specific beginning, a really specific moment where he becomes a werewolf, a specific moment where his girlfriend realizes he's a werewolf and then he gets killed.
03:22:20.000There's all these specific moments that, what if instead of all those specific moments, it's completely interactive?
03:22:26.000Like, you're actually there in London and you are this American guy and your friend...
03:23:13.000It might not happen while we're alive.
03:23:16.000I think it's going to be just like when you go to Disneyland or anything where it's like, hey, I'm on the needs for speed ride, and they're like, hey, Joe, come here, I need your help.
03:23:25.000It's just going to be way more intense.
03:23:27.000Well, the Star Wars ride at Disneyland is a better example because they have like 68 different endings or different stories that play out.
03:23:34.000Have you been on those rides where they are like, I only know that Universal in Orlando has them, but it's like the Spider-Man ride, the Hulk ride, where it's a screen, and it's a cart that technically doesn't move technically, but the screen shoots fire at you and shoots mist,
03:23:50.000and you feel like you're free-falling 90 feet.
03:27:05.000I've gotten over the stupor of about 40 minutes ago where I was so high I shouldn't have been talking to anybody ever.
03:27:11.000No, pretend you work up a total A. I hit a moment where I was like, whoa, you're way too high, son.
03:27:17.000My idea was good, it's just I couldn't remember what it was halfway into it.
03:27:22.000The idea being like, pick a regular job and imagine if like 8 out of 10 people came there wanted to fuck you.
03:27:28.000But it probably, if a girl was watching a guy's ball as an asshole, it'd probably be more than 8 out of 10. I'm probably really conservative about how it is.
03:27:33.000Well, this girl, she knew that was a part of her job.
03:29:29.000Like, you've never seen anything before.
03:29:31.000Like, the way my friend Remy Warren described it, he said, Javelin has come to a predator call the way you wish all animals came to a predator call.
03:29:39.000Like, when you call them, they come running at you, full blast, running, just waiting to jack whatever's making that noise.
03:29:45.000Like, it's a race between them and all the other monsters behind them that are chasing to try to find this rabbit that's screaming that probably broke its leg or something.
03:30:13.000The wild of being a fucking peccary running around in Doug Stanhope's neighborhood trying to get by in the desert seven miles away from Mexico.
03:32:53.000But when you fight a bear or you fight a lion, it really is uninteresting.
03:33:02.000Yeah, it's a lot of like, it's scary for you in doing it, but when you watch it on video, it's a lot like, it's a lot more dramatic for you in the moment than it looks.
03:33:18.000I told her on Ari's This Is Not Happening story.
03:33:21.000I fought a bear, but it's literally like you feel like you're getting lifted off the ground and shaking by your head, but they're just moving you around a little bit, but they're so fucking powerful that literally, to watch that, I mean, just in my own experience, and I fought a lot of animals, I look at that and I just go...
03:33:42.000Because, man, I'm trying to talk about my kids.
03:33:45.000I go through this chunk of my kids, I gotta get rid of this, got rid of my wife's shit, and then I'm fucking on.
03:33:50.000April 1st at the Irvine Improv, ladies and gentlemen, come see one of the funniest men on the planet Earth, Bert Kreischer, film his Showtime special.