The Joe Rogan Experience - September 22, 2016


Joe Rogan Experience #850 - George Perez


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 56 minutes

Words per Minute

191.80392

Word Count

33,847

Sentence Count

3,517

Misogynist Sentences

115

Hate Speech Sentences

80


Summary

In this episode, we talk about the recent SWAT situation in Los Angeles, the new Adderall stat, and how many people are addicted to pain pills compared to tobacco and other things. We also talk about what we would do if we were in the middle of a search and rescue mission and how we would handle it. Also, we discuss the latest in the case of Ari Shaffir and what he could have done to avoid being caught by the police. We talk about how dangerous it is to have a GPS on your phone and how to deal with it, and why it s a good thing you don t have it. We end the episode with some random thoughts on baseball and other random topics. We hope you enjoy, sit down, and have a nice rest of your day! -The Guys Who Know Best (feat. John Rocha) John and Jon talk about baseball, drugs, and other stuff. Jon also talks about some other stuff that s going on in the world and talks about it a little bit too much Jon talks about how much he loves baseball. John talks about baseball and some other things that s been going on around the world of baseball and sports. Jamie talks about his life in general, and it s just a good time. -Jon talks about a lot of other stuff too. We hope y'all have a great rest of the week! - The Guys Who Knocked It Out Here! Jon and Jon (and much more! Thank you for listening to this episode of the Boys Who Know It All Podcast! Love ya'll! -Jon and Jon and Thank You For Listening, Jon and Brett Thank You, Jon & Brett, Cheers, XOXO, Cheers! -Jody, AJ & AJY, EJ & JB, P.J. & Alyssa, GABY, and the Crews, and much more!! and we hope you like it! -YOJ and GABE, JUICY, GRABSY, JACOB, JAY & GRAY, RYAN, and JACO, JAMIE, and SONGS, JOSH, JOSY, etc., and so much MORE! and JAY, JARRELL, JORDY, AND KARROY & GARLEY, etc.


Transcript

00:00:04.000 Boom!
00:00:05.000 And we're live just like that.
00:00:07.000 That's what I like.
00:00:07.000 That's what I like too, man.
00:00:09.000 We're sitting here.
00:00:09.000 I'm here with George Perez.
00:00:10.000 And right when I was coming here, my neighbor right over here just told me there's some black SUVs driving down the street.
00:00:17.000 They got battering rams and black helicopters.
00:00:20.000 And then Jamie said there's SWAT crews.
00:00:22.000 Some shit's going down, George Perez.
00:00:24.000 Hey, I tweeted.
00:00:29.000 Let people know you're in the area.
00:00:30.000 Did you have location services turned on?
00:00:32.000 You gotta turn that shit off, man.
00:00:33.000 They find you.
00:00:34.000 They find you, dude.
00:00:35.000 They probably will find you.
00:00:36.000 They probably do.
00:00:37.000 That's why Ari...
00:00:37.000 I'm convinced.
00:00:38.000 That's why Ari Shaffir went to a flip phone.
00:00:40.000 He doesn't want that GPS on him.
00:00:41.000 He doesn't want them tracking him.
00:00:43.000 With all his mushroom drops that he leaves everywhere.
00:00:47.000 So there's something going on.
00:00:48.000 So while this podcast is happening, some shit is going on very close to us here.
00:00:54.000 We're in Woodland Hills.
00:00:55.000 So somewhere in this area.
00:00:58.000 Somewhere in the 818. I was nervous coming over here because of the area.
00:01:02.000 Really?
00:01:03.000 Yeah, I haven't been here since like 98. Is this a fucked up area?
00:01:06.000 Well, we used to sell speed to people in Reseda.
00:01:11.000 So I remember they were like, don't turn right.
00:01:13.000 Do not go that way.
00:01:16.000 Like you don't want to go back to see what you planted.
00:01:19.000 Oh, it's here.
00:01:19.000 See how it grew.
00:01:20.000 It's here.
00:01:21.000 Speed is a weird one, man.
00:01:23.000 You know, they had this statistic the other day on how many fucking people are on Adderall.
00:01:28.000 Oh, shit.
00:01:29.000 Which is just speed.
00:01:30.000 It's just fucking speed.
00:01:31.000 There's a statistic that I posted yesterday that's the most disturbing one, though.
00:01:35.000 Rhonda Patrick, Dr. Rhonda Patrick put it up.
00:01:38.000 There's more people on pain pills today than use tobacco.
00:01:44.000 Fuck.
00:01:45.000 Think about that.
00:01:46.000 That's how crazy the pain pill business has gotten.
00:01:48.000 Think about all the dip, all the people that chew, all the people that smoke cigars and cigarettes, all that combined, there's more people on pain pills.
00:01:58.000 And it's weird because they took cigarettes away from baseball.
00:02:01.000 Remember they used to smoke in the 80s?
00:02:03.000 You could smoke in baseball and you could dip.
00:02:05.000 I don't remember.
00:02:05.000 I remember you could dip.
00:02:06.000 You can't dip anymore?
00:02:07.000 No.
00:02:08.000 No, nothing.
00:02:08.000 I mean, I don't know about professional.
00:02:10.000 I know you can't dip in college, but they used to smoke cigarettes in the games, in the dugouts.
00:02:15.000 Wow.
00:02:16.000 And I only know because sometimes I stay up late and I watch ESPN and I'm like, oh shit, you could smoke back then.
00:02:24.000 So you watch like an old game and they'll show them still smoking?
00:02:27.000 It was like ESPN has classics and it was like a classics like World Series and I think it was Reggie Jackson smoking in the dugout.
00:02:36.000 Look at that right there.
00:02:37.000 Keith Hernandez enjoys a dugout cigarette.
00:02:40.000 What year is that from, Jamie?
00:02:41.000 It says 19-something, 87. 1987 game.
00:02:46.000 Yeah, they used to smoke cigarettes.
00:02:47.000 And then spit.
00:02:49.000 They were always chewing and spitting.
00:02:51.000 And now they're popping pills and getting concussions.
00:02:53.000 Well, they definitely are popping pills.
00:02:55.000 Apparently that's another big problem.
00:02:56.000 Adderall's a big problem with baseball because it helps them focus and concentrate on hitting the ball better.
00:03:03.000 That's just fucking crazy to me, how they prescribe you speed to get smarter.
00:03:07.000 Yeah, well, it accelerates...
00:03:09.000 Well, apparently, when...
00:03:12.000 Who's is that?
00:03:13.000 Is that me?
00:03:13.000 That's not me.
00:03:15.000 Did I ding?
00:03:15.000 Somebody ding.
00:03:18.000 When you have ADD... Which is real debatable whether or not that shit's real.
00:03:24.000 Or how many people actually...
00:03:25.000 I mean, is it just people with energy?
00:03:27.000 Is it just people who are bored?
00:03:28.000 They don't want to concentrate on whatever the fuck you want them to concentrate on?
00:03:31.000 I mean, I don't exactly know what ADD really is, because I think it's severely over-prescribed by everyone's measures.
00:03:38.000 But when you have it, when you give them speed, it helps them calm down somehow or another.
00:03:44.000 I don't get it.
00:03:46.000 Yeah, that's...
00:03:48.000 It must be like a focus speed they give or like a special something they found in there because I'm back in my days when I did speed I couldn't focus on shit.
00:04:00.000 Maybe that's because you don't have it though because you don't have ADD, whatever that means.
00:04:04.000 But if ADD doesn't exist and maybe it's just something that makes everybody focus.
00:04:09.000 Well, I think ADD most likely is There's a bunch of behaviors.
00:04:15.000 There's a bunch of different ways people behave, and there's a bunch of ways their mind works.
00:04:21.000 And some people, they like to stay calm and focus on one thing, and they like peace and quiet.
00:04:26.000 And other people are scattered as fuck, and they're thinking about a million different things, and they can't concentrate.
00:04:31.000 Speed, apparently, for those people, helps them concentrate.
00:04:34.000 But the question is, if someone is...
00:04:37.000 I had a next-door neighbor.
00:04:39.000 And this next-door neighbor, his kid was just a regular fucking kid, and they put the kid on Prozac.
00:04:45.000 It was really weird, man.
00:04:47.000 They were like, oh, you can't concentrate.
00:04:49.000 He's all over the place.
00:04:50.000 So we put him on...
00:04:51.000 And I couldn't even talk to the dude.
00:04:53.000 I was just like, this is crazy.
00:04:55.000 You're medicating a...
00:04:55.000 He's like an eight or nine-year-old kid.
00:04:57.000 He's just a fucking kid.
00:04:59.000 Most kids, when they go to school, they don't want to pay attention to whatever the fuck the teacher's talking about.
00:05:04.000 No, I would have got prescribed, or what's that shit called, diagnosed?
00:05:08.000 I would have got diagnosed as a kindergarten.
00:05:11.000 Yeah, I think I would have too, for sure.
00:05:13.000 If I had that guy for a dad, he definitely would have put me on some medication.
00:05:17.000 That's weird.
00:05:18.000 I remember the first time I heard of ADD, like, I thought it was a gang.
00:05:21.000 And I was like, do we get along with those fools?
00:05:26.000 And they were like, nah, foe, it's a focusing shit.
00:05:29.000 And I was just like, oh, oh, what the hell?
00:05:32.000 A focusing shit.
00:05:33.000 Yeah.
00:05:33.000 So the kind of speed that you would sell these people out here, like, what kind of speed was that?
00:05:37.000 Back then, it used to be called Crank.
00:05:39.000 Remember Crank?
00:05:40.000 Ah, I do remember Crank.
00:05:41.000 What is Crank?
00:05:41.000 What is that?
00:05:42.000 I don't know.
00:05:42.000 I think crank is just like the best part of the Strychnine because it's made out of Strychnine.
00:05:48.000 Am I right?
00:05:49.000 The best part of poison.
00:05:51.000 Yeah.
00:05:52.000 And we used to sell a peanut butter one.
00:05:53.000 It was a peanut butter one.
00:05:55.000 It was weird because like back in those days, Speed had a taste that was just like awful.
00:06:01.000 It was like rotten cactus cooler.
00:06:04.000 That's what it tasted like.
00:06:06.000 Like a rotten cactus cooler.
00:06:10.000 You ever left the cactus cooler out?
00:06:12.000 Yeah.
00:06:15.000 And so it was made with a peanut butter taste?
00:06:18.000 It was weird, yeah.
00:06:20.000 I mean, I don't remember who we were getting it from.
00:06:22.000 I just remember the guy going, because we used to hit it out of a bong.
00:06:25.000 So, dude, we were crazy.
00:06:27.000 And I'd be like, fuck, this shit tastes like peanut butter.
00:06:30.000 Yeah.
00:06:32.000 So yeah, I started focusing on peanut butter sandwiches.
00:06:35.000 You focused.
00:06:37.000 That's so bizarre.
00:06:39.000 So when you would do that back then, you would have to, like, how do you get into the speed business?
00:06:44.000 Like, you'd have to find somebody who's cooking it?
00:06:47.000 Yeah, I mean, yeah, it was weird because I'm like, what, 20 years old?
00:06:52.000 I just left my lady for being a tweaker, like a crazy one.
00:06:56.000 And then it just got me involved to be like, no, fuck this.
00:06:59.000 I need to make money.
00:07:00.000 I need to make money.
00:07:01.000 And my buddies, go ahead.
00:07:03.000 So she was a crazy tweaker.
00:07:05.000 She was hardcore.
00:07:07.000 Like, still to this day.
00:07:09.000 Still alive?
00:07:10.000 Dude, she has seven kids from six guys.
00:07:13.000 Oh, good kid.
00:07:14.000 And she's that kind of girl that's just pretty where a guy will be like, I'll pay for whatever you want.
00:07:19.000 And she's with it.
00:07:20.000 Wow.
00:07:21.000 I'm just happy I was the first one and I got out.
00:07:24.000 Oh, man.
00:07:26.000 Man.
00:07:27.000 That's a weird one, right?
00:07:28.000 People that are on speed.
00:07:30.000 I hung out with a dude recently that was on speed.
00:07:32.000 I didn't want to admit he was on speed, but you could tell because he would do things like he was saying it, we were talking.
00:07:37.000 And he'd turn, like, real quick.
00:07:38.000 Yeah.
00:07:38.000 And then he'd, like, kind of collect himself and turn real quick.
00:07:41.000 And, like, me and a couple of my buddies were like, why is he moving so fast and then trying to calm himself down?
00:07:47.000 And, like, he was driving us, and when he was driving, he would make, like, these quick turns.
00:07:54.000 I mean, I would look at the way he was turning.
00:08:08.000 It was like he heard a loud noise.
00:08:10.000 Yeah.
00:08:10.000 Like, for everything he did.
00:08:11.000 Well, your senses are up.
00:08:13.000 Your senses are up.
00:08:15.000 You're alert to anything and everything.
00:08:17.000 It's up.
00:08:17.000 I mean, Hitler gave it to his troops, right?
00:08:20.000 Yeah.
00:08:21.000 They say he invented it.
00:08:22.000 I don't know if that's true.
00:08:24.000 I think it was invented during that time.
00:08:26.000 I don't think it was Hitler.
00:08:27.000 I think Hitler was in the lab.
00:08:29.000 I've got it!
00:08:29.000 Yeah.
00:08:30.000 The way to rule the world!
00:08:32.000 That's why his mustache is so little.
00:08:35.000 I gotta keep this mustache tight!
00:08:37.000 Tight and clean!
00:08:39.000 No, I think they invented it during that era, and I know they gave it to the kamikazes, too.
00:08:45.000 That's how they got the kamikazes, to fly those planes into battleships.
00:08:48.000 They were just jacked up on meth.
00:08:50.000 That's fucking crazy.
00:08:51.000 Yeah.
00:08:52.000 A little meth speed, you know, all that stuff.
00:08:54.000 It's just...
00:08:55.000 Just those accelerants, any of those things that just, they fuck with your judgment.
00:09:00.000 I remember there was this, I believe it was GQ, I was reading this article about this guy who was a lawyer, and he was this real successful lawyer, and he got involved somehow or another with a client that was a meth dealer.
00:09:13.000 And so then all of a sudden he starts getting into the meth business.
00:09:16.000 Oh, wow.
00:09:17.000 I just realized there's a lot of fucking money in this.
00:09:19.000 Yes.
00:09:19.000 And I guess he started doing meth and then he started selling meth.
00:09:23.000 And then one of the things they say is when you do a lot of meth, you start making like really poor judgment calls.
00:09:30.000 You're like, oh, this is fine.
00:09:31.000 This is fine.
00:09:32.000 This is going to work.
00:09:33.000 So he started stockpiling meth in his fucking basement.
00:09:36.000 Like, just it would stank.
00:09:38.000 You open the door to his basement, like, what the fuck is down there?
00:09:41.000 Just big paint buckets filled with meth everywhere.
00:09:44.000 And that can burn your body.
00:09:46.000 It'll, like, jack you up.
00:09:48.000 If you put it on your skin, it'll burn through within...
00:09:51.000 An hour.
00:09:52.000 Really?
00:09:52.000 Yeah, that's why those guys have those, they touch it when they cut it up, and then they touch their face.
00:09:57.000 And that's how they get those holes in their face.
00:09:59.000 I thought they started itching, like they would start scratching themselves, right?
00:10:02.000 No, it's the touch.
00:10:03.000 And then the touch becomes the crater of the pimple, then they...
00:10:06.000 They start picking at that?
00:10:08.000 Yeah.
00:10:08.000 I had a buddy, he'd walk around with like band-aids everywhere.
00:10:11.000 Oh, man.
00:10:12.000 I was like, fuck, dude, you need to chill.
00:10:16.000 So this girl was all hopped up.
00:10:20.000 My baby's mom?
00:10:21.000 Yeah.
00:10:21.000 The girl when you were 20. Yep.
00:10:24.000 But back then I belonged to a gang and like every gang has their hustle.
00:10:28.000 Some gangs sell wax, some gangs sell weed, some gangs sell guns.
00:10:32.000 Ours was speed.
00:10:33.000 That was our hustle.
00:10:35.000 Somebody was fucking somebody that could have got it and we got it.
00:10:38.000 Wow.
00:10:39.000 Yeah, but it was weird because this is like 1998. So I remember we drove like a...
00:10:45.000 You remember when the Thunderbird, the Ford car was cool?
00:10:48.000 Yeah, the new one, right?
00:10:49.000 But it was in 1998. Yeah.
00:10:51.000 Yeah, I remember we had one and we were just like, yeah.
00:10:54.000 Those were dope.
00:10:54.000 Bitches from the 818. And yeah, it was fucking fun.
00:11:00.000 You know what's weird about speed is when I was in prison, you could tell that these people are still tweakers because you know how you light a lighter?
00:11:09.000 Your thumb goes down and then when you hit the pipe, you spin your finger in this way.
00:11:13.000 So that's how you're hitting a speed pipe because you're spinning it.
00:11:16.000 I used to play handball with this guy and he would do it every fucking time.
00:11:20.000 He would just spin his hand and light the lighter.
00:11:22.000 Oh, he would make the movements with his fingers while he was playing handball?
00:11:25.000 I'm like, hey dog, we call it bomb.
00:11:27.000 Hey, you do bomb?
00:11:28.000 He's like, well, you got some?
00:11:29.000 I haven't done it in two years.
00:11:30.000 I was like, fuck!
00:11:33.000 We used to make fun of him.
00:11:34.000 Like, hey, don't hit the pipe.
00:11:35.000 Serve the ball.
00:11:37.000 So for two years later, he's still making those motions?
00:11:40.000 Your body craves it.
00:11:42.000 You can see it in people.
00:11:43.000 Their body is just like, I need that motion.
00:11:46.000 Notice, when you see people doing the spinning with the lighter, they're tweakers.
00:11:50.000 Wow.
00:11:51.000 That's like something I discovered.
00:11:53.000 You noticed it.
00:11:54.000 Yeah.
00:11:55.000 Pattern recognition.
00:11:56.000 Thank you.
00:11:56.000 Yeah.
00:11:57.000 Well, it's amazing that two years out, he was still wanting it.
00:12:00.000 No, in prison.
00:12:01.000 Yeah.
00:12:02.000 I mean, two years away from it.
00:12:04.000 Yeah.
00:12:04.000 Oh, fiending it.
00:12:06.000 Wow.
00:12:07.000 Fiending.
00:12:08.000 Couldn't wait.
00:12:08.000 Oh.
00:12:09.000 See, that's a guy that just can't get it.
00:12:10.000 It's not like he's gotten sober.
00:12:12.000 He just can't get it.
00:12:13.000 Yeah, there's a lot of those guys.
00:12:14.000 I mean like there's a lot of people that when they go to prison They're not druggies because to be a druggie in prison is to be looked frowned upon So you're a man in there and when you're in there, you're like fuck that.
00:12:25.000 I'm gonna work out I'm gonna be strong and then when you get out it's temptation.
00:12:29.000 You're good-looking.
00:12:30.000 You're healthy again.
00:12:31.000 You're getting it That's that's the weird part of prison So most of the guys, so when a guy's a junkie and he goes into prison, do they try to clean up or do they try to get it?
00:12:42.000 Well, you have to clean up because if you don't clean up, they're going to call you a J-cat.
00:12:46.000 A J-cat is like equivalent of a bum.
00:12:48.000 But in prison, if you're a J-cat, you're going to get picked on.
00:12:52.000 People are going to laugh at you.
00:12:53.000 You want to be clean and healthy.
00:12:58.000 Really?
00:12:58.000 Yes.
00:12:59.000 That's interesting because that's like contrary to what a lot of people would think about prison.
00:13:02.000 They would think, you know, you go to prison, you gave up hope, and now you just let yourself go and...
00:13:07.000 I mean, that's what you think because you're out there, but when you're in there, you notice people look at you and you want people to...
00:13:13.000 Like, I used to look at fools on drugs and be like, look at this fucking dude.
00:13:17.000 Alright, yeah, here's a soap.
00:13:18.000 I know you don't got money because you're wasting it on everything.
00:13:20.000 Here's a soup.
00:13:22.000 I wanted to be that guy that was just, oh, look it, you know, homie's clean, he takes care of himself, he's a man of his word, and that's what people want, is when you get out.
00:13:32.000 It's there.
00:13:33.000 Is that, like, one of the bigger misconceptions about prison?
00:13:36.000 Like, when you talk to people that haven't been to prison and don't know anything about prison, what do you think are, like, the big misconceptions?
00:13:40.000 The big misconception is, uh, do you get fucked in the ass?
00:13:45.000 Do you get raped?
00:13:45.000 That's the big one, right?
00:13:46.000 Yeah, and I'm like, that shit is not even allowed.
00:13:48.000 Like, you'll get killed for that shit.
00:13:50.000 Because everyone's watching Gangland, and they're watching, um...
00:13:54.000 What's that?
00:13:54.000 Lockup MSNBC? Yeah.
00:13:56.000 And those are only protective custody yards.
00:13:58.000 They're never interviewing a real prison yard where the shit's Rules are rules.
00:14:05.000 That's it.
00:14:06.000 You don't make them, you don't break them.
00:14:08.000 You follow them.
00:14:09.000 So, like, when you see that, you ever watch that, I think it was Locked Up, they had that dude who was the booty bandit.
00:14:16.000 You ever see that one?
00:14:17.000 And I was like, I was watching that, I was like, how much of that guy is, like, just making shit up?
00:14:22.000 Yeah, like, there are stories they used to make up.
00:14:24.000 This guy used to tell me, hey, dawg, back in the days, there was this black guy in Corcoran, and if you fucked up, the guards would throw you in his cell.
00:14:33.000 And they used to call him Purple Passion.
00:14:36.000 And they said he used to rip fools apart.
00:14:39.000 And I was like, what the fuck?
00:14:41.000 In my head, I was like, I'll bite him.
00:14:44.000 I'll do whatever.
00:14:45.000 I was like, no.
00:14:47.000 No, yeah.
00:14:48.000 And the other thing is that we work all day and we break rocks and shit.
00:14:54.000 Yes, no.
00:14:55.000 Like, let me give you a, say me and you're a sellies, and usually have a job.
00:15:00.000 That job gives you 13 to 38 cents an hour.
00:15:03.000 I was a butcher, so I had the highest paying job.
00:15:05.000 You would have been a butcher too, so we would get up at 4 o'clock, take a shower, clean our room, clean our cell, we'd go to work, come back, then eat with our people, go to yard, Fuck around for a little bit.
00:15:23.000 Try to find a cigarette or something.
00:15:26.000 Go back to yard.
00:15:28.000 And then boom.
00:15:29.000 Come back to the cell and like...
00:15:31.000 That's it.
00:15:31.000 It's like a program, another life.
00:15:34.000 I took college courses in there.
00:15:37.000 I was a janitor.
00:15:39.000 It's fucking crazy.
00:15:41.000 I can just sit back and be like, fuck, man.
00:15:44.000 Sometimes I miss it.
00:15:45.000 I'm just like, I wish I was on the yard working out with these guys and playing basketball.
00:15:49.000 Because the camaraderie of like, oh, it was just awesome.
00:15:53.000 That's so crazy.
00:15:55.000 So it was fun sometimes.
00:15:56.000 Fuck yeah.
00:15:57.000 Really?
00:15:58.000 Fuck yeah.
00:15:58.000 It was fun until like 12 o'clock hit or 9 o'clock hit and I'm like fuck I want to go do a spot.
00:16:04.000 Get me the fuck out of here.
00:16:06.000 And then I'm just like I can't go home.
00:16:08.000 I can't go home.
00:16:09.000 I can't go home.
00:16:10.000 And then my last prison there was a park like 50 yards away from us.
00:16:15.000 And you're just looking out the window like, fuck, I want to go play the catch.
00:16:19.000 Wow.
00:16:19.000 Yeah.
00:16:20.000 Yeah.
00:16:21.000 So there was moments that was fun, but ultimately, the big thing is the lack of freedom.
00:16:26.000 You can have fun while you're there, but you can't choose what you can do.
00:16:30.000 Yeah.
00:16:30.000 Yeah, lack of freedom.
00:16:31.000 And then, you know, prison cops are completely different from cops on the street.
00:16:37.000 They're called correctional officers.
00:16:38.000 And in there, there's a respect.
00:16:40.000 Like, when they see you, hey, good morning, how you doing today?
00:16:44.000 Everybody gets a good morning, and if you know if you're fucking up his program to make him go out of his way, it's your fault.
00:16:53.000 But, if he wants to be testy, then you gotta do what you gotta do.
00:16:58.000 If he wants to be testy, like how?
00:16:59.000 Like, you know, there's these cops that go in there and they...
00:17:03.000 They've had a problem.
00:17:04.000 You know, I can see why racism exists in prison because maybe there's this cop that came from Soledad and now he's going to another prison and the only reason he left Soledad is because all the Mexicans jumped his ass.
00:17:15.000 So he's going to have a little like...
00:17:18.000 All right, motherfuckers, you got me over there.
00:17:21.000 Yeah, it's weird.
00:17:22.000 They transfer them like that.
00:17:24.000 And then like if you don't jump in, I've seen cops talk shit on other cops.
00:17:28.000 Like, oh, fuck that fool.
00:17:29.000 There was a riot.
00:17:29.000 He didn't do shit.
00:17:31.000 Oh, really?
00:17:32.000 So it's a lot like prisoners in some way.
00:17:34.000 Yeah, they are too because they're there 18 hours a day or 12. I mean, they just get to go home.
00:17:40.000 They do that long a shift?
00:17:42.000 Yeah, it's a 12-hour shift.
00:17:43.000 Why they do such a long shift?
00:17:45.000 That's their union.
00:17:46.000 They get a lot of hours.
00:17:48.000 But they only work four days a week.
00:17:50.000 Oh, okay.
00:17:51.000 That's probably better.
00:17:52.000 I'd probably rather work 12 hours a day, four days a week, than eight hours a day.
00:17:56.000 Yeah, fuck that.
00:17:56.000 Five days.
00:17:57.000 Have that whole extra day to do whatever the fuck you want to do.
00:18:00.000 I feel like your day's kind of wrecked anyway when you work eight hours.
00:18:03.000 It's hard to get anything in.
00:18:05.000 Yeah, I used to be a construction worker before this, and I hated that shit.
00:18:09.000 Before comedy?
00:18:10.000 Yeah.
00:18:10.000 I did construction when I was a kid.
00:18:13.000 My stepfather was an architect, so I got a lot of jobs on construction sites.
00:18:18.000 I just remember being exhausted.
00:18:20.000 That was the thing that I remember most.
00:18:22.000 Was it like residential or housing tracks?
00:18:24.000 Most of it was residential, but occasionally we did a nights at Columbus Hall.
00:18:28.000 I was working with my friend Jimmy and his boss.
00:18:32.000 It was a different construction company.
00:18:33.000 But that was the hardest job I ever had in my life because all I did the whole summer was I only survived for a couple weeks.
00:18:39.000 I quit.
00:18:40.000 I was like, I can't do this anymore.
00:18:42.000 I was carrying cement bags and pressure-treated lumber all day.
00:18:45.000 I was 19. I remember thinking it was so motivating because I was thinking like, this is not gonna work.
00:18:53.000 I can't do this for my life.
00:18:56.000 I was 19. You're at the peak of your energy.
00:18:59.000 And it was in the summer, so it was hot.
00:19:02.000 It was Boston, so it was muggy.
00:19:04.000 Were you bald?
00:19:04.000 No.
00:19:05.000 You didn't have a shaved head or nothing?
00:19:06.000 No, no, not back then.
00:19:07.000 Okay.
00:19:08.000 Because the sun beats your ass.
00:19:10.000 Oh, yeah.
00:19:10.000 Yeah.
00:19:11.000 I had a beautiful head of hair back then.
00:19:13.000 Oh, it was lovely.
00:19:14.000 But all day, carrying bags of cement and pressure-treated lumber, which is heavy as fuck.
00:19:20.000 And then you get these splinters in your hand.
00:19:22.000 They get all infected because the pressure-treated lumber has some sort of chemicals in it.
00:19:26.000 Yeah, it has something so the board doesn't bend because the board bends with the sun.
00:19:31.000 Yeah, it was brutal.
00:19:32.000 But I remember thinking, this is a good lesson.
00:19:35.000 Because I used to think, I'll just get a good job, work all day, then after work, I'll do whatever the fuck I want to do.
00:19:40.000 But I remember thinking, nope, that's not going to work.
00:19:42.000 You're not going to have any fucking energy.
00:19:44.000 You're not going to have any energy.
00:19:45.000 Yeah, I used to be a cement finisher.
00:19:48.000 That was some shit.
00:19:49.000 We used to do curb and gutter, but we'd do it out of a machine.
00:19:52.000 Have you ever seen those curb machines?
00:19:53.000 Mm-hmm.
00:19:54.000 Yeah, it was a Gomeco.
00:19:55.000 I remember, a 1500. We used to pour 40 fucking trucks a day.
00:19:58.000 Whoa.
00:20:00.000 It was weird.
00:20:01.000 My boss would look at me like if I was a Mexican.
00:20:04.000 He didn't know I was a citizen.
00:20:06.000 So I'd be like, hey dog, we're pouring 40 trucks and they're pouring 20. Why are they making as much money as us?
00:20:12.000 He'd be like, let's go back over there.
00:20:14.000 Get out of here.
00:20:17.000 I'd be like, hey, I'm a fucking citizen, dog.
00:20:19.000 My name starts with a G. Like, come on.
00:20:21.000 And we were union.
00:20:22.000 So it was, yeah, I got out of it.
00:20:25.000 That's the thing about California.
00:20:26.000 California.
00:20:27.000 In general, that a lot of people don't realize, the massive amount of illegal aliens.
00:20:33.000 That's why I always laugh when they say, well, there's 18 million people in the greater Los Angeles area.
00:20:39.000 I'm like, plus Mexicans.
00:20:41.000 Try to do the calculation.
00:20:42.000 You don't know what that number is.
00:20:44.000 Nobody knows.
00:20:44.000 It's a total guess.
00:20:46.000 That would be like the guess of guesses.
00:20:48.000 Yeah, how the fuck could they know?
00:20:49.000 That should be the lottery.
00:20:50.000 If you can guess how many illegal immigrants are in, you win the lottery.
00:20:57.000 Yeah, you get a dollar for everyone.
00:21:00.000 That would be insane.
00:21:02.000 Yeah, this is probably, I don't know.
00:21:04.000 I mean, I would just guess it would be millions, right?
00:21:08.000 It'd have to be.
00:21:09.000 It's so easy to go over here.
00:21:10.000 And that's just Mexicans.
00:21:12.000 You're missing Russians.
00:21:13.000 Oh, yeah.
00:21:14.000 Canadians.
00:21:15.000 Yeah, Canadians.
00:21:15.000 A lot of illegal Canadians, because they blend right the fuck in.
00:21:18.000 So they say about, you have no idea.
00:21:20.000 And they're like, about?
00:21:21.000 And they're like, what?
00:21:22.000 We got one.
00:21:23.000 We found them.
00:21:26.000 How long were you in prison for?
00:21:27.000 I did three years.
00:21:30.000 Two years, eleven months, so they just say three.
00:21:33.000 Tell me a story about it, because you were telling me at the Comedy Store.
00:21:35.000 It's kind of a fucked up story.
00:21:36.000 Yeah, so, you know, before I was a comedian, I was a gangster, and I did construction, and then I used to play sports.
00:21:44.000 I was real good in basketball.
00:21:46.000 And I was playing at the park.
00:21:47.000 And you know, basketball's a sport that's very physical.
00:21:50.000 You know, when you back someone in at the park, there's no ref.
00:21:53.000 Right.
00:21:53.000 So this fool's backing me in and trying to muscle me.
00:21:55.000 So I'm like, all right.
00:21:56.000 I go around him and I steal the ball and it's all foul.
00:21:59.000 I'm like, all right, here you go.
00:22:00.000 Take it.
00:22:01.000 So now me and him get physical and he elbows me.
00:22:03.000 And I had to check myself.
00:22:06.000 Like, hold up.
00:22:08.000 Like, you're in my...
00:22:10.000 This is how I used to think back then, Joe.
00:22:12.000 I'm like, you're in my city.
00:22:14.000 I got jumped into my gang at this park.
00:22:16.000 How am I gonna let you elbow me?
00:22:18.000 So, I socked him.
00:22:21.000 And we went at it, and I beat his ass.
00:22:25.000 Bad.
00:22:26.000 Like, you ever fight someone that, like, they don't stop?
00:22:31.000 You know what I mean?
00:22:31.000 Like, I mean, I'm sorry, like, a lot of people look at me like, no, I've never had that problem.
00:22:38.000 I'm like, this guy wanted to kick my ass, but I didn't want to hurt him, so I just drop him and I throw him to the floor.
00:22:46.000 Need a mug, Jamie.
00:22:47.000 Yeah, man, there's some people that won't fucking quit, even if you're beating their ass.
00:22:52.000 Those people are dangerous.
00:22:54.000 Fuck yeah.
00:22:55.000 So this is the funny part, is I left him.
00:22:57.000 I beat his ass and ran to my car.
00:23:00.000 I was like, I need to go.
00:23:01.000 So I get in my car.
00:23:04.000 I get to my car and I take off.
00:23:06.000 Alright, cool.
00:23:08.000 I become a comedian maybe like a year and a half later.
00:23:12.000 I become a comic.
00:23:14.000 Trying, you know what I mean?
00:23:16.000 Like, you know, everyone says, well, I'm a comic.
00:23:17.000 I've gone up four or five times.
00:23:19.000 Like, you know, I'm trying to be a comic.
00:23:22.000 And, uh...
00:23:23.000 I get a good break.
00:23:25.000 Jeff Garcia.
00:23:26.000 Good guy, man.
00:23:27.000 Picks me up.
00:23:27.000 He goes, hey, you're my new opener.
00:23:29.000 I'm like, fuck.
00:23:30.000 Alright.
00:23:30.000 So it's like four months into comedy and I'm doing the improv.
00:23:33.000 Not even knowing.
00:23:34.000 I'm just like talking to the crowd.
00:23:35.000 What's going on?
00:23:36.000 I'm probably like the best trollo salesman making people laugh.
00:23:40.000 That's all I'm doing.
00:23:41.000 No, I don't even know jokes yet.
00:23:42.000 I'm trying them.
00:23:45.000 Then I get jokes, and then I'm good at roasting, and MTV Your Mama comes out, and I get picked up for that show, and I win my first episode.
00:23:55.000 Fucking guy that I beat up sees me on TV, and he's like, oh shit, cash, money, this fool gots money!
00:24:03.000 So, this is the crazy part, is a lot of people say, oh, there's Statue of Limitations and all that.
00:24:09.000 Since it's a John Doe crime, it doesn't have it.
00:24:12.000 If you don't know who beat you up, You don't have a limit of restrictions.
00:24:17.000 So until they find out who beat you up, then the statute of limitations kicks in.
00:24:22.000 I don't even know.
00:24:23.000 That's how horrible my lawyer was.
00:24:28.000 Wow, that seems crazy.
00:24:29.000 So if you beat somebody up 50 years ago and they just found out your name, they could still sue you or take you to jail?
00:24:34.000 I don't, yeah.
00:24:35.000 I mean, I think it's, I don't know, probably like five.
00:24:38.000 So what year is this when this is all going on?
00:24:41.000 2004?
00:24:42.000 2000?
00:24:43.000 No, this is 2002. 2003. Because I fought it for two years.
00:24:49.000 Because my brother bailed me out.
00:24:51.000 I was still filming MTV. Wow.
00:24:53.000 So my brother bails me out.
00:24:55.000 He's like, alright, check this out.
00:24:56.000 Got me a lawyer and all the crap.
00:24:59.000 Oh, shit.
00:25:00.000 I remember just going to court, dude.
00:25:02.000 Just that whole, like, what the hell is going on?
00:25:05.000 I stopped.
00:25:07.000 Like, I'm not...
00:25:08.000 They offered me eight years.
00:25:10.000 They're like, look, take eight years because he has a great bodily injury.
00:25:15.000 This guy that I beat up, he has a metal plate and he's all fucked up.
00:25:19.000 And they're like, take eight years.
00:25:20.000 And I was like...
00:25:20.000 So a metal plate in his cheek?
00:25:22.000 Yeah, right here.
00:25:23.000 Orbital fracture?
00:25:24.000 Yeah.
00:25:25.000 Oh shit.
00:25:26.000 I see a lot of those.
00:25:27.000 Okay.
00:25:28.000 Yeah, I mean I caught them good.
00:25:29.000 Yeah, like I think I caught them like just perfect punch.
00:25:33.000 Yeah, well all this stuff around the eyes breaks pretty easy.
00:25:35.000 All this stuff.
00:25:36.000 Okay.
00:25:37.000 Orbital stuff.
00:25:38.000 It's super common in MMA especially.
00:25:41.000 Okay.
00:25:41.000 It was weird because they were trying to say I used a weapon.
00:25:44.000 They're like, there's no way you could have done that.
00:25:45.000 And I was like, that's crazy.
00:25:47.000 Yeah, I was like, I didn't use a weapon.
00:25:48.000 So...
00:25:50.000 I bail out.
00:25:51.000 I'm doing a comic.
00:25:52.000 Being a dad.
00:25:54.000 I think I'm gonna win this case.
00:25:56.000 That's the funny part.
00:25:57.000 Because I was like, dude, nobody was there.
00:25:58.000 Nobody's seen me.
00:25:59.000 Did you admit that you beat him up?
00:26:02.000 No.
00:26:02.000 See, I couldn't even take the stand.
00:26:04.000 Because I already knew if I take the stand, that makes me look like a snitch.
00:26:09.000 And I'm not gonna go into prison.
00:26:11.000 So if you take the stand and talk about the fight, it makes you look like a snitch?
00:26:16.000 Yeah, because you're like, he started it.
00:26:18.000 He did it.
00:26:19.000 It's just the, you know, it's the politics of I had to accept the fact where I was coming from and it was the punishment.
00:26:26.000 That was like when I started realizing in my head, like, all right, dog, you chose this.
00:26:30.000 Now you have to accept this.
00:26:32.000 You're not going to be one of those guys that says, oh, rats, I'm out, and you get away with it.
00:26:36.000 No.
00:26:36.000 So, I didn't take the stand, and I lost.
00:26:39.000 Wow.
00:26:40.000 Well, if you did take the stand, what could you possibly have said?
00:26:44.000 I think I would have incriminated myself.
00:26:47.000 Because, I mean, in my head, I remember like...
00:26:51.000 Fuck, you've never been to court.
00:26:53.000 When you go to court, they assign a jury.
00:26:57.000 And when you go, they give you a lunch break and you go eat.
00:27:01.000 My stupid ass went and ate where the jury was eating.
00:27:04.000 And I could tell the way they were looking at me.
00:27:06.000 Because I'm in a suit.
00:27:07.000 When I go to Burger King, I take my suit off.
00:27:09.000 I'm like, fuck this.
00:27:09.000 I'm all tatted up.
00:27:10.000 They're like, look at this guy.
00:27:12.000 Right.
00:27:12.000 Like they just threw judgment on me and I remember my brother telling me, you look like you had no remorse.
00:27:18.000 You were in there laughing in court.
00:27:20.000 And I was just like, fuck, I didn't know.
00:27:22.000 I didn't know.
00:27:23.000 You know what I mean?
00:27:24.000 Like, fuck it.
00:27:26.000 Yeah, it's, court cases I would imagine would be so difficult too because no one wants to do fucking jury duty.
00:27:33.000 My friend Andreas Antonopoulos, who was here the other day, was talking about how he got out of jury duty by just explaining how much he knows about the judicial system, how corrupt he thinks it is, and how fucked up he thinks it is, and they were like, get out of here.
00:27:45.000 Yeah.
00:27:46.000 Just kicked him out.
00:27:47.000 Nobody wants to do jury duty.
00:27:49.000 Especially if you like your job, and you do something that you enjoy, now you're going to spend eight hours a day...
00:27:55.000 Trying to deliberate and figure out...
00:27:57.000 People make such quick judgments.
00:27:59.000 I think it's a terrible way to decide whether or not someone's guilty or innocent.
00:28:02.000 Yeah, you're exactly right.
00:28:04.000 And it's weird because the jury, I think they wanted it.
00:28:07.000 It was a weird...
00:28:08.000 It was like an ex-cop.
00:28:09.000 I was like, why did you let this ex-cop get on the panel?
00:28:13.000 I'm already guilty because of my look.
00:28:16.000 Right, right.
00:28:17.000 You know?
00:28:17.000 It's like, imagine if these cops that are shooting people, the whole panel is prisoners.
00:28:25.000 Yeah, that would be hilarious.
00:28:26.000 You know what I mean?
00:28:27.000 Yeah, good luck.
00:28:29.000 So yeah, so...
00:28:31.000 All right, Joe, check this out.
00:28:33.000 So now I'm out.
00:28:34.000 I think I'm gonna win it.
00:28:35.000 Boom.
00:28:36.000 Joey Diaz calls me up.
00:28:37.000 Hey, we're gonna do Showtime.
00:28:39.000 Payaso Comedy Slam.
00:28:40.000 I was like, what the fuck?
00:28:41.000 He gets me on Payaso Comedy Slam.
00:28:43.000 So I get on Showtime.
00:28:48.000 I did Comedy Central.
00:28:50.000 I did like a sketch comedy.
00:28:52.000 And then I go to court.
00:28:54.000 Boom.
00:28:55.000 I lose.
00:28:57.000 And usually when you lose, they let you go home.
00:29:00.000 All right, you know, come back.
00:29:01.000 But since there was a high-risk inmate now, they took me right there, like from court in a suit, straight to the holding tank.
00:29:08.000 Ooh.
00:29:09.000 Yeah, that was a shock.
00:29:11.000 Ooh.
00:29:12.000 Yeah.
00:29:12.000 And my showtime hasn't even come out yet.
00:29:16.000 I haven't even seen this thing.
00:29:17.000 So it's like everything I worked for got took.
00:29:21.000 That's how I looked at it at that time.
00:29:23.000 I won't forget that day.
00:29:24.000 I walked down there.
00:29:25.000 I had this fucking suit on.
00:29:27.000 I remember everybody looking at me like, damn, this fool's a baller.
00:29:30.000 I was like, no, I just lost my case.
00:29:32.000 I wasn't on the street.
00:29:33.000 And then from there, you go to the county because now they got to give you a sentencing.
00:29:38.000 A judge has to come up with a sentence.
00:29:42.000 Are you kind of familiar with this?
00:29:44.000 So, a month in the county jail, a riot breaks out.
00:29:52.000 Now, I have to involve myself.
00:29:54.000 I know where I'm at.
00:29:55.000 I know what's going on.
00:29:56.000 So, now they put me in the hole, and I got to go to court to get sentenced.
00:30:00.000 So, you have to involve yourself.
00:30:01.000 I mean, you have to pick a side.
00:30:02.000 You have to fight.
00:30:04.000 Yeah.
00:30:04.000 What's the riot about?
00:30:06.000 Uh...
00:30:07.000 I don't know.
00:30:08.000 I just seen my people fighting other people and you don't ask questions.
00:30:12.000 There's no questions to be asked.
00:30:14.000 And let me give you a picture of what's going on.
00:30:18.000 It's like a huge...
00:30:20.000 Fuck.
00:30:21.000 It's kind of like a...
00:30:22.000 It's on MSNBC where they got all the cells on top and on the bottom.
00:30:29.000 We call it the bubble where the police are.
00:30:31.000 It's a big bubble.
00:30:33.000 And there was a riot happening like all on the whole other side.
00:30:37.000 So we had to run down there and then they come in and they shoot you with paintball guns, but they have like peppermint, not peppermint, pepper spray in them.
00:30:46.000 They're shooting you with paintball guns, pepper spray, block guns, rubber band, all that shit's flying off in there.
00:30:52.000 And you're trying to run back to your bunk.
00:30:54.000 The only way to get out of a riot is to show, they look at everybody's hands and they say, hey, no, your hands are marked.
00:31:00.000 Any mark you have, you're going to the hole.
00:31:02.000 So have your marks on your hands and indicate that you punched somebody?
00:31:05.000 Yes.
00:31:05.000 Even if you got punched.
00:31:08.000 Gotta throw elbows.
00:31:09.000 Yeah, you don't do that in there.
00:31:13.000 No, it gets crazy, man.
00:31:14.000 Like, some people will throw hot water on you.
00:31:17.000 Ooh.
00:31:17.000 Yeah, it's all out for everybody.
00:31:20.000 This is just a county.
00:31:22.000 And did you ever find out what the riot was about?
00:31:24.000 No.
00:31:25.000 You don't ask questions.
00:31:27.000 Wow.
00:31:28.000 Yeah, the more questions you ask, the more, like, people want to, oh, you want to find out who did it?
00:31:32.000 All right, Mr. Investigator, come on, we got something for you.
00:31:36.000 So I just, I stay quiet.
00:31:38.000 No, all right.
00:31:40.000 I was just like, hey, I was there.
00:31:42.000 Cool, cool, cool.
00:31:43.000 So you just knew what you had to do.
00:31:45.000 You knew what your role had to be in order to stay safe.
00:31:48.000 Yeah.
00:31:49.000 Dude, I've heard other stories from other inmates that are like, yeah, dog, I went to Chino and there was a riot going on.
00:31:57.000 And I told myself, fuck, if I don't get in this, I'm going to have to pay.
00:32:01.000 He's like, I just ran and I jumped into it and he got stabbed.
00:32:06.000 Wow.
00:32:06.000 Yeah.
00:32:07.000 But he goes, hey, dog, I got my stripes.
00:32:10.000 I was like, wow.
00:32:12.000 Yeah.
00:32:13.000 What is a stripe?
00:32:14.000 What do you mean by stripes?
00:32:15.000 Well, stripes is kind of like a saying, like, you know, this homie's down, this guy's down.
00:32:20.000 I don't know how other racers do it, but like, you know, it's like, hey, I've been with this fool in a yard.
00:32:25.000 He's down for his, you know?
00:32:27.000 Because you want to be by someone that you're in there to protect your life.
00:32:31.000 Right.
00:32:32.000 So you want to be with people like that.
00:32:35.000 You know what I mean?
00:32:36.000 I mean, you're trying to go home and better yourself.
00:32:39.000 But at the end of the day, nah.
00:32:41.000 So in a lot of ways, like with a riot, you want someone that's like a soldier.
00:32:46.000 You don't want a soldier asking the sergeant, hey, sergeant, what is the plan?
00:32:52.000 Why are we doing this?
00:32:53.000 Do we know who these people are?
00:32:54.000 What do they do to us?
00:32:56.000 Is this right?
00:32:57.000 Is there HR? You want, sir, yes, sir!
00:33:00.000 That's what you want.
00:33:01.000 You want someone who's just going to go.
00:33:03.000 But in there, it's just...
00:33:05.000 You know any little disrespect can trigger and start anything and you just have to follow suit Like if you're my cellie and the cop pushes or punches you I have to jump in for you no matter even if I'm going home that fucking day Oh Or the next day it goes down.
00:33:21.000 You have to it's just what it is So the riot breaks out you get involved in the riot you get thrown in the hole and then what happens?
00:33:29.000 I'm in the hole Man, the hole's fucking horrible.
00:33:32.000 I get staph on my fucking ass on the side because they only gave me one bar of soap and I was in there for like 28 days.
00:33:40.000 And then I remember I was cleaning my toilet with it in my room with the soap and then I ran out so I was just taking showers with water.
00:33:46.000 And then I noticed I had like an ingrown hair on the side and it just got infected.
00:33:52.000 That's how it starts.
00:33:53.000 Yeah.
00:33:54.000 Folliculitis, yeah.
00:33:55.000 And it's crazy because there's a little button you can push.
00:34:00.000 Like, if you're dying, and I had a fever, and I remember I pushed the button and told the guard, hey, man, I know it's night shift, and I don't want to bug you, because, man, but I didn't see it, like, my ass is bleeding.
00:34:16.000 But I was like, because you have to, I was like, hey, the side of my ass is bleeding, so you're going to need to call a vet, or not a vet, you're going to need to call, like, somebody, and he's just like, stop playing games.
00:34:25.000 I'm like, and they have cameras in there.
00:34:28.000 And I was like, look.
00:34:29.000 So I showed them and then they come in and you got to put your arms in there because there could be a plant.
00:34:33.000 I don't know.
00:34:34.000 They're scared for their life.
00:34:35.000 So he handcuffs me and then dad gets taken care of.
00:34:39.000 And then I go to court and I get sentenced to three years.
00:34:45.000 So do you think it would have been less if it wasn't for the riot?
00:34:49.000 No.
00:34:50.000 The riot was...
00:34:52.000 It was cool because at that time, when it was going on, there was riots breaking out everywhere.
00:34:56.000 And my lawyer was like, listen, Your Honor, he was only in a riot to protect his life.
00:35:02.000 You don't know what's going on in there.
00:35:04.000 The judge was cool.
00:35:05.000 And then a lot of my family and friends wrote letters for me telling the judge, hey, man, this guy changed his life.
00:35:12.000 He's got the best peanut butter mac you can get your hands on.
00:35:22.000 So, yeah.
00:35:23.000 Let him out.
00:35:23.000 I'll hook you up.
00:35:24.000 Yeah.
00:35:25.000 Oh, yeah.
00:35:25.000 So, you know, because a GBI, it's a great bodily injury.
00:35:30.000 That's a felony that carries a three-year, like, on top of your time.
00:35:35.000 It's like supposed to.
00:35:36.000 And he goes, I'm going to strike that down.
00:35:39.000 And I was just like, oh, my God.
00:35:41.000 And in my head, I'm thinking, oh, you only do halftime, so I'm going to get out a year and a half.
00:35:45.000 Because he even told me, you're doing good, guy, but...
00:35:48.000 Somebody got hurt.
00:35:49.000 And I was like, alright.
00:35:51.000 So, boom.
00:35:54.000 I hit Wasco.
00:35:56.000 Wasco is a reception yard where like, if you're from Orange County, LA, Bakersfield, And I think some part of Riverside, they send you to that yard for reception.
00:36:10.000 It's where you, for 90 days, you're on lockdown, 23 hour lockdown, and you only get like an hour of day room.
00:36:16.000 And they're evaluating you to see how you act with other inmates.
00:36:21.000 Where are they going to put you?
00:36:22.000 Are they going to put you on a level four yard, a level three yard, a level two yard?
00:36:27.000 Yeah.
00:36:29.000 Damn.
00:36:30.000 You know what a level 4, a level 3, 2 is?
00:36:32.000 No, give me the difference.
00:36:33.000 A level 4 yard is for people that have a lot of points, like violent crime, like, oh, he's in here for carjacking, kidnapping, and all that.
00:36:42.000 You're going on a level 4 yard.
00:36:44.000 You're going to be on a 23-hour lockdown, and you're there with killers, lifers, people doing 10 to 15 to 20 years.
00:36:51.000 A level 3 yard is the same thing, but you're programming.
00:36:56.000 It goes down, though.
00:36:57.000 It goes down, but it's chill.
00:36:59.000 Then there's a level 2 yard where it's like, all right, this guy got three years left.
00:37:03.000 We're going to try to get him an outside job, a little more money.
00:37:06.000 And then a level 1 yard is like...
00:37:08.000 You can walk around in sandals.
00:37:10.000 I've heard.
00:37:11.000 I've never been on that.
00:37:11.000 I heard.
00:37:12.000 You can walk around like in sandals.
00:37:14.000 There's a microwave in the day room.
00:37:16.000 There's an ice machine.
00:37:18.000 So what is that for like white collar crime?
00:37:20.000 No.
00:37:21.000 A level one yard would be like...
00:37:23.000 This guy's been locked up for 10 years on drugs.
00:37:29.000 He's going home.
00:37:30.000 He's done all nine years.
00:37:31.000 One year left.
00:37:32.000 Put him in a level one yard.
00:37:33.000 Because he's proved he can program.
00:37:35.000 As long as you're not like causing problems...
00:37:40.000 The point system makes you drop.
00:37:41.000 I think it's from 1 to 17 is level 1 yard, and 17 to 32 is a level 2 yard, and then 32 to 40-something is a level 3, and then it goes up.
00:37:54.000 Up to life.
00:37:55.000 Yeah.
00:37:56.000 I knew buddies that were like, how many points you got?
00:37:59.000 I go, I'm lucky.
00:38:00.000 They sent me to a level 2 yard after I was on a 3 yard.
00:38:04.000 He was like, oh my god, these inmates treated like, you're going to a level two, oh my god!
00:38:12.000 Because they're like, you can have a TV in your cell.
00:38:16.000 It's like, yeah, it's like heaven.
00:38:20.000 Wow.
00:38:20.000 Yeah, the food's better.
00:38:24.000 Man, so much shit about prison.
00:38:27.000 I miss food now and there.
00:38:29.000 You miss food in prison?
00:38:30.000 Yeah.
00:38:31.000 What kind of food did you get in prison?
00:38:32.000 We used to make food spreads.
00:38:34.000 And I worked in the butcher shop.
00:38:36.000 So I would sneak meat in my socks.
00:38:38.000 I'd wrap it up in saran wrap and I'd put it in my boots.
00:38:42.000 I had big old fireman boots.
00:38:44.000 And I would fit two sandwiches in each boot.
00:38:50.000 And that's like eight bucks in prison.
00:38:52.000 That's fucking, that's money.
00:38:53.000 Especially if you make it 38 cents an hour, right?
00:38:56.000 Yeah, so we'd bring it back.
00:38:59.000 This time I'm living in a dorm, 100-man dorm, and we would bring it back, and me and all my friends, my people, we'd cut it up.
00:39:05.000 Everyone would have a job.
00:39:07.000 Like, all right, dog, I don't got nothing to pitch in, but I'll prepare the food, and I'll clean all the dishes when we're done.
00:39:12.000 All right, cool.
00:39:13.000 Everybody would contribute, and then we'd make like...
00:39:16.000 Our bunk is equivalent from here to that chair.
00:39:21.000 And we would eat on a bunk.
00:39:23.000 We'd put like a big piece of paper and we would just...
00:39:25.000 It'd be cup of noodles, Doritos, Slim Jims, cheese, pork grinds, beans, rice, corn, nuts, anything that we had.
00:39:39.000 And we would just mix it in.
00:39:41.000 That's dinner.
00:39:42.000 And did anybody ever, like, the prison guards ever come by and get in trouble for this?
00:39:51.000 No.
00:39:51.000 Or they check in on you?
00:39:52.000 No, that's routine.
00:39:53.000 They know what we're doing.
00:39:54.000 So they don't have a problem with it at all?
00:39:55.000 No, they don't.
00:39:56.000 As long as...
00:39:57.000 What I notice in prison, they just don't want no one to overdose or fight.
00:40:04.000 I remember this one guy, like, we're not allowed to talk to guards.
00:40:08.000 I can hear them talking to each other.
00:40:10.000 This one guy goes, man, I hate my job.
00:40:12.000 I'm the fucking most overpriced babysitter in the world.
00:40:15.000 All I have to do is make sure these guys don't kill each other.
00:40:18.000 And they're in here for killing each other.
00:40:23.000 Fuck.
00:40:24.000 Yeah.
00:40:25.000 So, yeah.
00:40:26.000 It's pretty crazy.
00:40:27.000 And what did you cook it on?
00:40:29.000 Oh, that's a good idea.
00:40:30.000 I mean, good question.
00:40:31.000 So, we get this thing called a stinger.
00:40:35.000 There's so many brilliant inventions people make in prison.
00:40:39.000 This guy would get a cord from the radio, cut it in half, get a metal piece, and connect.
00:40:45.000 He'd make this thing, and then he'd plug it into the wall, drop it into a five-gallon water bucket, like those buckets.
00:40:53.000 And then we'd put all the food in a plastic bag so the water wouldn't hit it, but it would steam cook it.
00:40:59.000 That's how we would cook.
00:41:01.000 Whoa!
00:41:02.000 Yeah.
00:41:02.000 There was even paisas that could make grills.
00:41:05.000 Like, because there's a metal shop in there.
00:41:07.000 Like, you work metal.
00:41:09.000 Like, us as prisoners, like, the prison doesn't call plumbing to fix the prison.
00:41:16.000 We have our own plumbing crews.
00:41:17.000 Like, inmates are plumbers.
00:41:19.000 Inmates are everything.
00:41:21.000 So, we learn to fix all this stuff.
00:41:23.000 And, you know, when it's there, you're like, damn, I want to Make a grilled cheese sandwich.
00:41:31.000 So where we were at, they had those old heaters that are metal and you get your bread and you put it in the brown bag and you put it in there and 20 minutes later it melted and it's a grilled cheese.
00:41:41.000 Wow.
00:41:42.000 What is the fine art of cooking in prison?
00:41:44.000 What is this Jamie?
00:41:45.000 I was trying to find the stinger.
00:41:46.000 I found a couple pictures, but this is a better picture.
00:41:49.000 Okay, so he's got wires attached to toenail clippers.
00:41:53.000 Oh yeah, that's another way too.
00:41:54.000 And the toenail clippers get hot, electrified, and they boil the ramen noodles.
00:42:00.000 Wow.
00:42:01.000 The stinger is the one on the far left.
00:42:03.000 That one right there?
00:42:04.000 You see how it's in there?
00:42:06.000 That's how we did it.
00:42:07.000 But we did it with the five gallon.
00:42:09.000 Wow.
00:42:10.000 Yeah.
00:42:10.000 There was this guy that could...
00:42:12.000 He would put...
00:42:13.000 Lowry's is a dressing, right?
00:42:15.000 Mm-hmm.
00:42:15.000 Sauce?
00:42:16.000 Yeah.
00:42:16.000 Like a spice, rather.
00:42:17.000 Yeah.
00:42:18.000 He would get the spice and he would put water in it.
00:42:21.000 And he would plug it into the fucking wall for somehow.
00:42:25.000 And this little spring, like a spring, would light up.
00:42:31.000 And that's how he used to light his cigarettes.
00:42:32.000 He's like...
00:42:34.000 Whoa.
00:42:35.000 Yeah, and I'd be like, this fool made a lighter.
00:42:40.000 Well, they make their own tattoo guns, too, right?
00:42:42.000 Yeah.
00:42:42.000 All my tattoos, 80% of my tattoos are from prison.
00:42:46.000 Wow.
00:42:47.000 Now, is that legal in prison?
00:42:48.000 No.
00:42:49.000 No?
00:42:49.000 No, because that's how you get...
00:42:52.000 Infections, I'm sure.
00:42:53.000 Yes.
00:42:54.000 That's their other big thing.
00:42:55.000 What's that thing called?
00:42:59.000 I don't know.
00:43:00.000 Somebody has it, but yeah.
00:43:03.000 But I love my tattoos.
00:43:05.000 Hepatitis?
00:43:06.000 Yeah, hepatitis is huge because everyone's sharing needles, but no one does that really.
00:43:11.000 You get your own needle and you take care of it.
00:43:14.000 I've used my same needle the whole three years I was there.
00:43:17.000 Your same tattoo needle?
00:43:18.000 Yeah.
00:43:18.000 Did you make it?
00:43:19.000 Yeah, you get a...
00:43:22.000 Guitar string is what they use, but that's huge.
00:43:26.000 You see how this is way thicker?
00:43:28.000 That's a guitar string, and that hurt.
00:43:31.000 And this is more of like, we use the wire, because there's wire brush on the brooms.
00:43:35.000 So we just take the little things off and sharpen them up, sanitize it.
00:43:40.000 Wow.
00:43:40.000 Yeah.
00:43:41.000 And how are they using the...
00:43:44.000 Like, how are they doing the tattoo?
00:43:45.000 Like, what is tapping the ink in?
00:43:47.000 Are they doing it by hand?
00:43:48.000 No, there's a...
00:43:49.000 You get a motor from a Walkman.
00:43:53.000 Walkman's in prison.
00:43:54.000 Tapes and CDs are...
00:43:55.000 There's no fucking downloads in there, Joe.
00:43:57.000 You can't...
00:43:59.000 Cassette tapes exist in prison still.
00:44:02.000 I used to have the Beastie Boys in there.
00:44:04.000 I gave it to my boy when I left.
00:44:06.000 Like, hey man, it's kind of like fucking being locked up in American Pickers.
00:44:11.000 Like old technology is existing hardcore in prison.
00:44:14.000 Wow.
00:44:15.000 And so Walkman, if the Walkman messes up, they take the motor out.
00:44:21.000 And then they make it just like the shop.
00:44:24.000 They got a little gas pedal.
00:44:25.000 They just wire it up.
00:44:27.000 Wow.
00:44:28.000 Yeah, there it is.
00:44:28.000 Exactly.
00:44:29.000 So what is that?
00:44:29.000 That looks like an ink pen.
00:44:31.000 Well, it's a pencil.
00:44:33.000 Then he's just that right.
00:44:35.000 There's the motor in the back.
00:44:37.000 That's the motor for it.
00:44:38.000 It's a button So the button attaches to the motor yes, and there's a string on that so it goes up and down So forces the needle to go up and I'll see here goes drive pin on top of the motor turns a spindle Turning spindle causes the connecting pin to rotate as the back end of the drop of the drive rod rotates with the pin the needle moves backwards and forwards Wow now and then you have to make your own ink and So what are you doing for ink?
00:45:05.000 So you get the newspaper and you burn it in a brown bag.
00:45:11.000 You just let it burn.
00:45:13.000 The ink from the paper becomes ashes.
00:45:16.000 And you get all these ashes and you put it in like this.
00:45:21.000 Or like a little Advil or like a little aspirin thing.
00:45:24.000 And you put two little rocks in there, three.
00:45:26.000 And then a little bit of water.
00:45:27.000 And shake that shit for three or four days and it'll become the ink again.
00:45:32.000 Three or four days?
00:45:33.000 Yeah.
00:45:33.000 It's a long process.
00:45:34.000 I had to figure out the process.
00:45:36.000 Come on.
00:45:36.000 You got all day.
00:45:37.000 You got plenty of time.
00:45:38.000 Yeah.
00:45:39.000 I mean, you don't do it like for 24 hours.
00:45:40.000 You just come back, let it sit, let it sit.
00:45:43.000 Because I've had tattoos that fall off.
00:45:45.000 Like the ink on this one, it wasn't done right.
00:45:49.000 Oh, I see.
00:45:50.000 And it's faded off.
00:45:51.000 Yeah.
00:45:52.000 Because they didn't let it sit enough.
00:45:54.000 Exactly.
00:45:54.000 Wow.
00:45:55.000 So all those, like the stomach one, all that shit is all...
00:45:57.000 Yeah, the stomach one, I'll never forget.
00:46:00.000 Painful, huh?
00:46:01.000 Painful.
00:46:01.000 Fuck!
00:46:02.000 It's not that it was painful.
00:46:04.000 The Gooners came in and hit the house.
00:46:07.000 The Gooners.
00:46:08.000 Yeah, I remember I was telling you, in prison, they have a SWAT team, too.
00:46:11.000 It's called the Gooners.
00:46:12.000 These are COs that specialize in any gang activity, any riot.
00:46:18.000 Anybody has contraband.
00:46:21.000 They just come in and raid the whole yard.
00:46:25.000 Do you know what I mean by throwing mattresses everywhere, ripping shit up?
00:46:30.000 So I'm getting this tattoo on my stomach and they come in.
00:46:36.000 And catch you in the middle of getting tattooed.
00:46:37.000 No, I hit it.
00:46:38.000 You hit it.
00:46:39.000 I covered my shit up.
00:46:40.000 My friend, he cheeked it.
00:46:42.000 You see how little that is?
00:46:43.000 Cheeked it?
00:46:44.000 Yeah, he took the pin top off and just threw it in the trash.
00:46:47.000 And then he put the motor up, not up his ass, but like in the ass.
00:46:52.000 Like cheeked it.
00:46:53.000 He put it in a napkin and I was...
00:46:55.000 I just remember he was like, hey man, I don't think I'm going to be able to come tomorrow, so do you want to finish this?
00:47:04.000 I was like, let's go, dawg.
00:47:06.000 We just sanitized it.
00:47:08.000 Wow.
00:47:08.000 Yeah, we stole Lysol.
00:47:10.000 I mean, we didn't steal.
00:47:11.000 It's ours.
00:47:11.000 It's the prison's.
00:47:12.000 We took it, and that was our little thing.
00:47:14.000 They don't let you have Lysol.
00:47:16.000 Why is that?
00:47:17.000 Because you're worried you're going to spray it on people or light it on fire?
00:47:19.000 I think you light Lysol on fire and spray people.
00:47:22.000 Okay, yeah.
00:47:23.000 But it's kind of like, do you know how much diseases and shit is in there?
00:47:27.000 I would imagine quite a bit.
00:47:29.000 Dudes are cheeking tattoo machines.
00:47:32.000 I would imagine that's not sanitary.
00:47:34.000 That's crazy.
00:47:35.000 So if you had gotten caught getting the tattoo, what would happen?
00:47:40.000 Oh, so if you get caught now, I think they give you a 115. Now, 115 can make you get bad points.
00:47:50.000 So, like, say I'm on a level 2 yard and I get caught getting tatted.
00:47:53.000 They're like, hey, homie, we don't want this here.
00:47:56.000 That's for the crazier yards.
00:47:58.000 So they ship you over there.
00:48:00.000 Wow, just for a tattoo.
00:48:01.000 Yeah, because to them, you've hurt your body.
00:48:06.000 That's hilarious.
00:48:07.000 Yeah.
00:48:07.000 There's some good tattoo artists in prison, though.
00:48:09.000 I've seen some great work that came out of prison.
00:48:12.000 There's some bomb-ass guys in there.
00:48:14.000 Yeah, there's some websites that are dedicated to great tattoo art from prison.
00:48:18.000 See if you can find some of that.
00:48:18.000 But some of those guys are, like, legit artists.
00:48:22.000 Like, as good or close to it as, like, Mr. Cartoon.
00:48:26.000 Like, that level.
00:48:27.000 I've seen some, like, high-level stuff.
00:48:28.000 I've seen some.
00:48:29.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure Mr. Cartoon...
00:48:32.000 Rumors are, I don't know, I won't call it, but I know artists that do, their friends are doing life in prison, and they send them patterns on.
00:48:38.000 Look at that.
00:48:39.000 Yeah.
00:48:39.000 That is from fucking jail?
00:48:41.000 Yeah.
00:48:41.000 That's amazing.
00:48:43.000 And that's not with no shop, you can't Google, expand, none of that.
00:48:48.000 Damn, look how good that is.
00:48:49.000 Yeah.
00:48:50.000 That's, uh, it's...
00:48:52.000 That's Tom Hardy, right?
00:48:53.000 The one on the left from...
00:48:54.000 Charles Bronson.
00:48:55.000 From Bronson.
00:48:56.000 Yeah, I love that movie.
00:48:57.000 Well, it's not Charles Bronson, right?
00:48:58.000 It's from Bronson, the movie Bronson.
00:49:00.000 Yeah.
00:49:01.000 I love that movie.
00:49:02.000 It was about a crazy prisoner.
00:49:04.000 Yeah, he was off...
00:49:05.000 I think he's from England.
00:49:06.000 Yeah.
00:49:06.000 Have you seen that movie?
00:49:08.000 Yeah, a long time ago, though.
00:49:09.000 I hardly remember it, but I remember...
00:49:10.000 He's still locked up.
00:49:12.000 That guy is?
00:49:12.000 Really?
00:49:13.000 He's 40 years in solitary confinement now.
00:49:16.000 Whoa.
00:49:16.000 4-0.
00:49:17.000 4-0.
00:49:18.000 That can't be good.
00:49:19.000 No.
00:49:20.000 Yeah.
00:49:20.000 That's not good.
00:49:21.000 Tattoo artist praises Charles Bronson.
00:49:23.000 Oh, it is Charles Bronson.
00:49:24.000 So Bronson, the movie, the guy's name is Charles Bronson.
00:49:28.000 Just a different Charles Bronson.
00:49:29.000 Award-winning tattoo by the prisoner himself.
00:49:33.000 Oh, wait a minute, Jamie.
00:49:35.000 That's not a prison tattoo, then.
00:49:37.000 See, it's saying tattoo artist praised for Charles Bronson.
00:49:40.000 Award-winning tattoo by the prisoner, Charles Bronson.
00:49:43.000 I was saying.
00:49:43.000 Let me give you better code words when you Google.
00:49:46.000 Prison tattoos.
00:49:47.000 Arte.
00:49:48.000 A-R-T-E. D.E. Prison.
00:49:52.000 Look at that dude all over his face.
00:49:54.000 That seems like a weird choice.
00:49:56.000 Oh man, I see those all day in there.
00:49:58.000 Yeah, that's an odd choice.
00:49:59.000 Is that now, is that dudes that are just doing life and they're like, fuck it?
00:50:02.000 Yeah, I mean, yeah.
00:50:04.000 I mean, at the same time, man, there's a lot of people in there that are, that's all they know.
00:50:08.000 Dad has it.
00:50:09.000 Mom has it.
00:50:10.000 Everybody has it.
00:50:12.000 Those are soldiers right there.
00:50:14.000 That's just letting you know.
00:50:15.000 It's going down.
00:50:16.000 Do not walk this way.
00:50:17.000 It goes down.
00:50:18.000 Well, if you're willing to do that to your face, you don't have a whole lot to lose.
00:50:23.000 The face tattoos are rough, man.
00:50:25.000 That's a strange look.
00:50:28.000 No, because you can't get no color in prison.
00:50:32.000 You can't?
00:50:32.000 No.
00:50:33.000 It'd be too hard to make.
00:50:34.000 Right.
00:50:35.000 Unless, I mean, I don't know.
00:50:36.000 If they sneak it in.
00:50:37.000 I mean, they sneak in pretty much anything, right?
00:50:39.000 I don't think no one's trying to sneak in.
00:50:41.000 Tattoo ink?
00:50:42.000 Tattoo ink for that risk.
00:50:43.000 Maybe you would if you knew the dude was just so fucking good.
00:50:46.000 Like, if you got, if you were doing time with a dude who was a known tattoo artist, like, uh, Aaron Della Vadova is a guy who did all my work in San Diego.
00:50:54.000 If I was locked up with that dude, I'd try to sneak some tattoo ink in.
00:50:59.000 Hey, fuck the weed.
00:51:01.000 I bought this ink.
00:51:02.000 Let's go to work, man.
00:51:03.000 Let's get some shit done.
00:51:05.000 Oh, but I mean, see, that would be his hustle in there.
00:51:08.000 So I'm pretty sure if he's that good, he'd come around to get people to make it.
00:51:13.000 That's people's hustle.
00:51:14.000 That's all they do.
00:51:15.000 Yeah.
00:51:15.000 Like for this tattoo, I only paid a pack of cup of noodles.
00:51:20.000 Cup of noodles.
00:51:21.000 Now, is that what currency is in prison?
00:51:26.000 Yes.
00:51:26.000 Cigarettes, cup of noodles?
00:51:28.000 Well, cigarettes isn't currency, but it is because it's banned.
00:51:31.000 It used to be currency, but it's food.
00:51:33.000 It's banned now.
00:51:34.000 Yeah, it's food and any material items.
00:51:38.000 So you can't get any cigarettes in prison at all?
00:51:41.000 It's not legal at all?
00:51:41.000 I mean, you can get them, but...
00:51:42.000 But it's not legal?
00:51:43.000 No, yeah.
00:51:44.000 Wow.
00:51:44.000 So if you are a cigarette person, you smoke three-packed cigarettes a day, you go to jail...
00:51:49.000 Set, cold turkey.
00:51:50.000 That was the first time I stopped.
00:51:51.000 Oh, yeah?
00:51:52.000 Yeah, I didn't get a cigarette for the first 10 months.
00:51:55.000 Wow.
00:51:56.000 Yeah, and then I had a cellie that came from Santa Barbara, and in Santa Barbara, they let you have cigarettes in their farming.
00:52:04.000 So, homie snuck it.
00:52:06.000 I don't know how he did it, but...
00:52:08.000 So, when you're farming, like, you're out there farming in Santa Barbara, then you can have cigarettes?
00:52:15.000 Yeah, because it's an outside facility.
00:52:18.000 Oh, okay.
00:52:19.000 It's not entrapped in the building.
00:52:21.000 Oh, okay.
00:52:22.000 So is the idea about smoking in the building that you don't want people to get secondhand smoke or something like that?
00:52:26.000 Is that what it is?
00:52:27.000 I think.
00:52:28.000 I mean, that's what they said.
00:52:29.000 This is 2000. This happened in 2006, 2007. So the laws might have changed.
00:52:37.000 It was interesting because when I first moved here in 94, you could still smoke in bars.
00:52:42.000 You could smoke everywhere.
00:52:43.000 Everywhere had cigarettes.
00:52:44.000 I believe that comedy store had cigarettes, if I remember correctly.
00:52:47.000 I believe they had ashtrays on every table, if I remember correctly.
00:52:51.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:52:53.000 If I remember correctly, I know a lot of clubs I worked at had smoking until the 2000s.
00:52:59.000 Dallas was one of the last holdouts.
00:53:01.000 I used to do the Addison Improv, and they would still have smoking.
00:53:05.000 But then they started having an 8 p.m.
00:53:08.000 non-smoking show for all the tea toddlers.
00:53:11.000 Ooh!
00:53:12.000 But I didn't mind it.
00:53:13.000 You know, I know it's probably bad for you, but then I started hearing about women that would be like waitresses in bars and they would work there for 15 years and get lung cancer.
00:53:22.000 And it's like, oh, that's real.
00:53:23.000 Yeah.
00:53:24.000 That's when I was like, because I was against it too.
00:53:26.000 Like, what the fuck?
00:53:27.000 I can't smoke.
00:53:27.000 It's America.
00:53:28.000 And then you're like, oh, I'm fucking her up.
00:53:30.000 It's all my bad.
00:53:31.000 Yeah, so when you went away, how hard was it to quit cigarettes?
00:53:34.000 Was that one of the hardest things to do?
00:53:37.000 You know, fuck, I never thought of this, but your mind, I mean, you're looking for it, you're aggravated, but nah.
00:53:47.000 But you weren't doing this, like the tweaker spinning his fingers?
00:53:50.000 You weren't like doing this thing with your phone?
00:53:52.000 People would be like, what the fuck is he trying to do?
00:53:54.000 Did you go back to smoking when you got out?
00:53:55.000 Yeah, I had to.
00:53:59.000 Because I was smoking in there.
00:54:01.000 You were.
00:54:01.000 I was getting them later because I had that butcher job.
00:54:04.000 So I was trading meat for cigarettes all day.
00:54:07.000 All day.
00:54:08.000 Like a couple cigarettes here and there.
00:54:09.000 Fuck yeah.
00:54:10.000 Like how many could you get a day?
00:54:12.000 Man, I was living like a baller, Joe.
00:54:15.000 Really?
00:54:15.000 I smoked a cigarette every day for at least a year.
00:54:18.000 Wow.
00:54:19.000 Like a baller.
00:54:20.000 One cigarette.
00:54:21.000 One cigarette.
00:54:22.000 Sometimes more.
00:54:23.000 Sometimes more.
00:54:24.000 And that one cigarette was like, oh, here it comes.
00:54:27.000 Yeah.
00:54:27.000 No, it was weird because...
00:54:29.000 Making me want to smoke.
00:54:30.000 I don't need to smoke.
00:54:31.000 Like, I had a lighter too.
00:54:34.000 So when you have a lighter, you can light other people's cigarettes.
00:54:37.000 So you're like, hey, let me use your lighter.
00:54:38.000 Like, nah, nah, nah.
00:54:39.000 Let me light that for you.
00:54:41.000 Here you go.
00:54:42.000 So yeah, it was fun.
00:54:44.000 It was fun.
00:54:45.000 Stupid ass of me.
00:54:47.000 Wow.
00:54:47.000 So when you got, do you smoke now still?
00:54:49.000 Yeah, I still smoke.
00:54:50.000 How much do you smoke?
00:54:51.000 I smoke about a...
00:54:52.000 I say a pack a day, but if I have a lot of things to do, a pack and a half.
00:54:58.000 Wow.
00:54:59.000 Yeah.
00:54:59.000 But you know what?
00:55:00.000 I've dropped everything else.
00:55:03.000 No more peanut butter meth?
00:55:04.000 No, I haven't done that in ever.
00:55:06.000 I don't do nothing else.
00:55:09.000 I mean, I smoke weed, but that's medicine.
00:55:13.000 That's what I'm saying.
00:55:15.000 Now, what kind of weightlifting facilities do they have in gyms or in prison?
00:55:20.000 Because I've heard some prisons, they're trying to take that out.
00:55:23.000 They have to take it out.
00:55:25.000 Prisoners more dangerous.
00:55:26.000 Yeah, you know who took it out too was Arnold.
00:55:28.000 Arnold was the one that took out sugar.
00:55:30.000 That is fucking crazy.
00:55:32.000 Yeah, the bodybuilding champion.
00:55:34.000 That guy took out the weights?
00:55:35.000 Yeah.
00:55:37.000 Wow, that's fucked up.
00:55:39.000 That is fucked up.
00:55:41.000 Yeah, so like we have to improvise.
00:55:43.000 So when you're in prison, you have jumpsuits.
00:55:46.000 And everyone was big clothes so you cut the leg off your jumpsuit and you sew the bottom and you sew the sides and then you get the other leg and you do the same thing and then you fill it up with sand.
00:55:56.000 Now you have a heavy bag so it's probably like 40 pound bag and then you put you just get a tailor guy in there if you know how to do it you put two little handles and now you can do curls or you can do forward raises it's like anything water weights I mean we it's wild how we still work out in there Wow,
00:56:16.000 so when you were there and you were working out, there wasn't any weights?
00:56:19.000 No, there's no weights allowed at all, because you know how many people were killing each other?
00:56:23.000 With weights?
00:56:24.000 Yeah, just imagine you owe money and you're doing fucking bench press and somebody just hits you with a.45 plate on the head.
00:56:30.000 It's a one hit.
00:56:32.000 That was always the scenes in the movies, man.
00:56:35.000 Those dudes in the weight room.
00:56:37.000 It looked dope.
00:56:38.000 I wanted to do it.
00:56:41.000 Imagine those old little benches.
00:56:43.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:56:45.000 But they do have them on level one yards.
00:56:48.000 Really?
00:56:49.000 Fire camp.
00:56:49.000 Now they made it like a privilege.
00:56:51.000 Like if you're in fire camp.
00:56:52.000 What's fire camp?
00:56:53.000 Fire camp is all the inmates, they make them go brush the fire for all these huge fires.
00:57:02.000 Oh, okay.
00:57:03.000 All the inmates are like, they're fighting the fires and then they only do one third of their time.
00:57:09.000 That's awesome.
00:57:09.000 But you can't be a violent offender in there.
00:57:12.000 So I was disqualified from that.
00:57:14.000 So they do that so that you can be more robust physically, so you can do the job better?
00:57:18.000 Yeah, and it's just like...
00:57:19.000 It's a privilege.
00:57:20.000 They don't live in cells.
00:57:21.000 They live, like, in a room like this.
00:57:24.000 Wow.
00:57:25.000 And they got bunks, and they have, like, a little weight bench, crowbar, but if anything happens, immediately took away, so...
00:57:32.000 Every race decides nothing could ever happen here.
00:57:34.000 We need this for all of us.
00:57:36.000 So it's a little like, hey, we need this.
00:57:39.000 Do not fuck this up.
00:57:40.000 Wow.
00:57:41.000 So what did you guys do for entertainment when you're in there?
00:57:44.000 Oh, shit.
00:57:45.000 Did you do stand-up in there at all?
00:57:47.000 Yeah, I did later on.
00:57:48.000 That's a crazy question.
00:57:50.000 No one's really ever asked me that.
00:57:51.000 Well, that's where Joey got started, you know?
00:57:53.000 Yeah.
00:57:53.000 But it was different because in my last year and a half, I'm locked up in Norco.
00:58:00.000 So all these guards are Mexican.
00:58:03.000 Most of them are Mexican.
00:58:04.000 And they're like, I used to fucking see you at Wild Coyote.
00:58:07.000 They're like, I just seen you on Showtime.
00:58:10.000 And they're like, you're at the Ontario Improv.
00:58:12.000 So, you know, they got together.
00:58:15.000 And they were like, hey, you want to do comedy?
00:58:19.000 And I was just like...
00:58:21.000 Fuck, I did not want this.
00:58:23.000 I did not want like to be popular.
00:58:26.000 You know what I mean?
00:58:28.000 Like I didn't want to stay low-key.
00:58:30.000 Yeah, then I was just like I Don't know man like I'm offensive.
00:58:34.000 I'll say something that'll start a riot and they're like nah nah nah nah All the races already said you can say whatever you want Like they planned this shit.
00:58:42.000 I was like alright, I'll do it.
00:58:43.000 So all the races so you have to have like a little race No, fuck yeah Hell yeah, so how does that go down?
00:58:53.000 It's I don't know.
00:58:54.000 I wasn't involved in it It's just so they had to like meet with maybe the guards went up to the white rep the black rep and all the reps was like Hey man, check it out.
00:59:02.000 You guys we have a celebrity comedian here.
00:59:04.000 That's why they pumped me up.
00:59:05.000 I was like motherfucker I can't even get a week at the improv But I could get a week in prison.
00:59:12.000 That's a good new one.
00:59:13.000 Thank you so It was, oh man, it was weird.
00:59:17.000 I was scared as hell.
00:59:19.000 Like, no mic.
00:59:21.000 And they put me in the TV room, and there was like 60 straight, like, fools.
00:59:29.000 Like, just like, come on, dog, make us laugh.
00:59:31.000 And like, wow.
00:59:33.000 You know, they never heard my jokes, so I did my whole set, and they were just like, oh.
00:59:37.000 And then I guess one of the cops, this is the weird part, is all the cops left their dorms to come watch this show.
00:59:45.000 And they went back and then they told the inmates.
00:59:47.000 So when I go to Yard the next day, the inmates were like, hey dog, how much you charge?
00:59:51.000 Come do a show in our room.
00:59:53.000 I was like, what do you mean?
00:59:55.000 They're like, I heard you did comedy and everybody said it was cool.
00:59:59.000 All the racists said you were cool.
01:00:00.000 And I was just like, I don't think I can go to your dorm.
01:00:03.000 That's like against the code.
01:00:05.000 So the cops would be like, all right, everybody give them an item and you can go in there and perform.
01:00:10.000 An item.
01:00:11.000 An item is like a soup, hot chocolate.
01:00:15.000 So that's how people paid to come to your show?
01:00:17.000 Yeah.
01:00:17.000 Wow!
01:00:18.000 Yeah.
01:00:19.000 And it got to the point where I did every, every one on our yard.
01:00:26.000 And I assembled like a little crew.
01:00:28.000 I taught this guy how to open for me because he was cool-ass druggie from Whittier.
01:00:33.000 He was just...
01:00:34.000 He was stupid funny.
01:00:36.000 You taught him how to do stand-up?
01:00:37.000 No, he knew it, but didn't know he knew it.
01:00:40.000 He knew it, but he never did it.
01:00:41.000 Yeah, because I remember he'd be like, hey, dog, when I'm on the street, he has fucked up teeth.
01:00:46.000 I call girls, and I'm like, they're like, how's your body?
01:00:49.000 And he's like, I just smile.
01:00:50.000 I'm like, chisel.
01:00:54.000 Like, dog, that's a setup right there.
01:00:55.000 Like, you just...
01:00:56.000 And he did it.
01:00:57.000 And the look on his face was cool, man.
01:01:00.000 But I just remember he was like, hey, dog, I'm going to hit you up when I get out.
01:01:03.000 We're going to go on the tour.
01:01:04.000 I'm like, no, dog, you're a fucking tweaker.
01:01:06.000 You know what I mean?
01:01:09.000 Well, it's fine because people that can make people laugh, I always tell people, like, if you can make your friends laugh, you can make people you know laugh, it's entirely possible you could be a comedian.
01:01:21.000 It's the same thing.
01:01:22.000 It's just a matter of whether or not you get these people to allow you inside their head.
01:01:27.000 Yeah.
01:01:28.000 That's really kind of what it is, right?
01:01:30.000 Yeah, the true comfortableness.
01:01:31.000 But, you know, some of them wasn't.
01:01:33.000 Like, I had a rough time a couple, like, first ten minutes because fools were like, I thought you were going to do George Lopez's jokes.
01:01:40.000 I was like, no, I'm not an impersonator.
01:01:44.000 Like, fools were pissed.
01:01:47.000 They were like, hey, you didn't do any member members or nothing like that.
01:01:50.000 Oh, that's funny.
01:01:52.000 Yeah.
01:01:52.000 So they just thought stand-up comedy is kind of like music.
01:01:55.000 Yeah.
01:01:56.000 Yeah, like you would just go up there and do like some hits.
01:01:58.000 Yeah, they didn't know.
01:01:59.000 Yeah.
01:02:00.000 This is the crazy part is the warden catches wind of this shit.
01:02:04.000 And I'm in a program called SAP. It's a substance abuse program.
01:02:08.000 And I'm only in it because you qualify for halftime if you take this program.
01:02:12.000 So the warden's like, hey, Sacramento's coming down here.
01:02:15.000 I want to show them a rehabilitated criminal, whatever.
01:02:20.000 I'm a felon, whatever.
01:02:21.000 So I was like, what are you talking about?
01:02:22.000 He's like, well, you do comedy in front of the program and Sacramento, but no cussing.
01:02:29.000 And I was like, I think this was the easiest deal I've ever made.
01:02:35.000 I said, look, I'll do it if you bring me Kentucky Fried Chicken.
01:02:42.000 And soda.
01:02:44.000 Wow.
01:02:44.000 Joe, I was just saying at the talk shed, because you know how when I first started getting gigs, I'd always call Joey Diaz, hey, they're going to give me $700 if I go do Visalia.
01:02:53.000 He's like, $2,000, dumbass.
01:02:56.000 So after the show, he gives me two two liters of Coke and a fucking bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
01:03:05.000 Oh, man.
01:03:06.000 And he was just like, I remember walking back and everybody was like...
01:03:10.000 I gave all my people a piece and it was just like...
01:03:13.000 It was kind of like that movie, Sean Shank Reduction, when they're drinking on the roof.
01:03:17.000 It was like the first time we ate outside food.
01:03:21.000 I haven't had a soda in years.
01:03:23.000 So everybody was like, I was just like, get down, homies.
01:03:26.000 It was cool.
01:03:27.000 Wow.
01:03:28.000 That's fucking cool.
01:03:30.000 There's something cool about appreciating something that you...
01:03:34.000 You just take for granted because you can get it anytime you want.
01:03:37.000 But when you're so restricted, you get those things and it's so good.
01:03:40.000 Yeah.
01:03:40.000 No, dude, they loved it.
01:03:42.000 Like, they loved it.
01:03:43.000 And it was cool because, like, a lot of...
01:03:46.000 I mean, dude, I made friends.
01:03:48.000 Like, there's guys I still talk to.
01:03:49.000 There's, like, friends.
01:03:51.000 And it was...
01:03:53.000 Yeah, it was awesome.
01:03:54.000 Like, how can I say that?
01:03:56.000 How was prison awesome?
01:03:57.000 But it was.
01:03:57.000 Well, people say that about war, too, man.
01:03:59.000 Yeah.
01:04:00.000 People say that about, I think, human beings need a certain amount of struggle.
01:04:05.000 And then, when you experience that struggle, then the non-struggle feels so much better.
01:04:11.000 There's moments where, I've talked about this before, but I went hunting in Alaska on this island, Prince of Wales, and it rained every day.
01:04:22.000 We were there for six days, pouring rain, drenched.
01:04:25.000 And you were hunting?
01:04:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:04:27.000 It was the worst, as far as getting wet and just being soaked and cold all the time, one of the worst experiences you could ever go through.
01:04:36.000 Because it's always like...
01:04:38.000 45, 50 degrees, pouring rain, and you know, your sleeping bag's wet, the inside of your tent's wet, everything's wet.
01:04:45.000 But when I came back, I remember it was sunny out, and I called my friend Steve Rinello, who took me with him on this trip.
01:04:52.000 I go, dude, I've never been happier in my life.
01:04:54.000 Like, the sun is shining, like what I normally just totally take for granted.
01:04:57.000 Exactly.
01:04:58.000 I was like, it's amazing.
01:04:59.000 I love it.
01:05:00.000 I'm like, I'm driving on the street.
01:05:02.000 I don't think I've ever been happier.
01:05:04.000 But I was that happy because I had gone through the struggle.
01:05:07.000 But nobody wants to do that on their own, you know?
01:05:10.000 And when you're kind of forced into a situation, I would imagine, like being in prison, then when you get that Kentucky Fried Chicken and you get that soda, you're like, wow, we're fucking living it up right now.
01:05:20.000 Yeah, because I came from a place.
01:05:23.000 They have this thing.
01:05:24.000 It's called...
01:05:25.000 Fuck, I forgot what it's called, but you have money in your books.
01:05:29.000 Everybody has money, and they do like a sell-off where they'll go to the local Vons by the prison, and you can buy sodas, cookies, and pizza, but nobody ever had Kentucky Fried Chicken in that bitch.
01:05:46.000 To this day, I want to put that in my bio.
01:05:51.000 Kentucky fried fucking chicken in prison.
01:05:53.000 Kentucky fried chicken, I don't know what they do, but that is some special food.
01:05:57.000 They just know how to do it.
01:05:59.000 Those fucking creeps.
01:06:02.000 Kentucky fried chicken with El Yucateca hot sauce.
01:06:05.000 When it's cold, especially.
01:06:07.000 God damn.
01:06:07.000 I know it's not good for you, folks.
01:06:09.000 I don't eat it a lot.
01:06:10.000 But it's a bad habit.
01:06:12.000 Guilty pleasure.
01:06:13.000 It's so good.
01:06:14.000 You know what's crazy, Joe?
01:06:17.000 I'd be scared to go hunting.
01:06:19.000 I'd trip out.
01:06:20.000 I don't know.
01:06:21.000 I'd be scared.
01:06:22.000 I don't know.
01:06:23.000 If I was going to shoot a deer, I'd be like, where are you from, fool?
01:06:29.000 I wouldn't fucking know how.
01:06:31.000 You know what I mean?
01:06:32.000 I don't know.
01:06:33.000 It's crazy.
01:06:33.000 I'd trip out.
01:06:34.000 My dad hunted.
01:06:35.000 I was like, no, I ain't doing that.
01:06:36.000 I'm scared.
01:06:37.000 Scared of what though?
01:06:38.000 Will we be scared of it?
01:06:38.000 I'm scared like, I don't know, I'm scared like the deer's fucking with me and there's like someone else gonna come get me from over here.
01:06:44.000 I'm in their world.
01:06:46.000 Right.
01:06:46.000 I don't know.
01:06:47.000 It feels like their world.
01:06:48.000 That's the weirdest part about the woods.
01:06:50.000 When you're hunting in the woods and you lock eyes with an animal, it's like, it's...
01:06:54.000 It's almost psychedelic in some sort of a weird way.
01:06:57.000 You feel like you're in another dimension.
01:07:00.000 I know that sounds so stupid when I say it, even I hear it myself, but when you lock eyes, when you're hunting, you lock eyes on an animal, the whole...
01:07:09.000 The world changes.
01:07:11.000 You're in a totally different environment.
01:07:14.000 An environment that doesn't give a fuck about you.
01:07:17.000 You're used to your street.
01:07:19.000 Oh, this is the deli that I eat at.
01:07:20.000 This is where I do my laundry.
01:07:22.000 It's all normal stuff, right?
01:07:24.000 You have these patterns.
01:07:26.000 And you just see people, and you see cars, and this is my world.
01:07:30.000 But then when you're in their world, you realize, oh, this is a totally different world.
01:07:34.000 This is like I went to another planet.
01:07:36.000 Yeah, fuck yeah.
01:07:37.000 I mean, people try to get me to go camping, I'm like, nah, I'm cool, dawg.
01:07:40.000 Oh man, you'd love it.
01:07:42.000 This thing about it is, you get used to it after a while and it becomes normal, and then once it becomes normal, you realize how peaceful it is.
01:07:48.000 Like, we're just sitting down in the grass, like on the top of a mountain, like looking out at a valley.
01:07:54.000 And you go, God, this is so beautiful.
01:07:56.000 Like, you would pay, like, fuck museums.
01:07:58.000 Like, go to that L.A. County Museum of Art, and you see these bullshit exhibits they have there.
01:08:02.000 They're terrible to look at.
01:08:04.000 They don't do a goddamn thing for you.
01:08:05.000 Most of it, modern, abstract art, it's fucking ridiculously stupid.
01:08:09.000 But I challenge anyone to go to Colorado, go to Boulder, Colorado, and look at the mountains.
01:08:16.000 Go into the mountains and look at some of those peaks.
01:08:18.000 Look at the continental divide.
01:08:19.000 It's like the most incredible piece of art you could ever see, and it's just nature.
01:08:24.000 It does something to you.
01:08:26.000 Yeah, me and Redman just got back from Denver and it was it was cool.
01:08:30.000 Denver's the shit.
01:08:31.000 Yeah, I was first time there so I wasn't used to like, I guess somebody told me there's no water around so you get headaches.
01:08:37.000 Well, it's not that there's no water, it's that you're at a very high altitude and dehydration comes quicker for whatever reason so you have to keep yourself hydrated.
01:08:46.000 It's super important.
01:08:47.000 I guess you just dry out the environment.
01:08:50.000 But, uh, people are cool as fuck.
01:08:52.000 And Denver, Denver's like one of the best, it was always cool.
01:08:56.000 But, you know, Denver, for a long time, the city of Denver just didn't have weed laws.
01:09:02.000 They're like, forget it.
01:09:03.000 We don't give a fuck.
01:09:04.000 You smoke weed, do whatever you want to do.
01:09:05.000 We don't care.
01:09:06.000 Wow.
01:09:06.000 It was like, when I first started working there, which I don't even know when I first started working there, it was a long time ago, but I remember the club owners would tell you, like, the city has essentially made weed decriminalized.
01:09:18.000 Like, you don't get arrested for weed.
01:09:19.000 They just don't arrest people for weed.
01:09:20.000 That's awesome.
01:09:21.000 That was a long time ago.
01:09:23.000 Then, the state was the first to get gangster and say, fuck you, federal government, it's illegal, so you could buy weed everywhere in Denver now.
01:09:31.000 In Colorado, there are weed stores everywhere now.
01:09:35.000 So because of that, the economy's booming.
01:09:38.000 Real estate prices, I think they went up 14 or 16% inside of two years.
01:09:43.000 Drunk driving deaths dropped to an all-time low.
01:09:46.000 Violent crime dropped to an all-time low.
01:09:48.000 It's amazing.
01:09:49.000 Pill and opiate addiction dropped to an all-time low.
01:09:53.000 Yeah, fuck those pills.
01:09:54.000 Well, that's what's going on right now in Arizona.
01:09:56.000 I don't know if you've been paying attention, but they're trying to pass it in Arizona.
01:09:59.000 They're trying to pass legal weed in Arizona.
01:10:01.000 Oh, wow.
01:10:01.000 And the opposition has been alcohol companies and pain pills.
01:10:05.000 Those are the ones who are spending the most money trying to keep weed illegal.
01:10:09.000 Yeah.
01:10:09.000 My buddy grows, like, legally, and he told me that they invented this new light.
01:10:15.000 That makes your weed grow faster.
01:10:17.000 But all the tobacco companies got together and bought all those lights.
01:10:22.000 So every time this guy puts out new lights, the tobacco company buys them all.
01:10:28.000 Wow.
01:10:29.000 And I mean, I haven't looked into it.
01:10:30.000 And then he goes, the only other reason we can't make it legal here is because every time they put the THC in the rolling things to put them in cigarettes, it gets too sticky and it messes the machines up.
01:10:41.000 And I was just like, I never even thought of that.
01:10:43.000 So just hire people to do it by hand.
01:10:45.000 Yeah.
01:10:45.000 Go to Gino from L.A. Speedweed.
01:10:48.000 That's why they have these tubes, folks.
01:10:50.000 See, people don't understand.
01:10:52.000 People that live in other barbaric parts of America, where it's hard to get weed, we get these joints and they're exactly the same every time.
01:11:00.000 Look at that.
01:11:00.000 It's goddamn perfect.
01:11:02.000 Yeah.
01:11:02.000 It's got a little paper tube at the bottom.
01:11:04.000 The weed all sits in the top.
01:11:06.000 The problem with this stuff is, like you said, this is medicine.
01:11:09.000 It's like medicine for life.
01:11:11.000 But if you smoke it, people think you're a loser.
01:11:13.000 That's what tricks me out.
01:11:15.000 Yeah, they think that you're a druggie and you're a fool.
01:11:18.000 Something's wrong with you.
01:11:19.000 Fuck, bro.
01:11:21.000 Yeah.
01:11:21.000 Fucking people.
01:11:22.000 I'm tired of the bullshit, George Perez.
01:11:24.000 You know what's weird is I have a 20-year-old son and he smokes weed.
01:11:28.000 And I kind of feel like an asshole because I'm like, you can't smoke that shit around me.
01:11:33.000 He's like, why?
01:11:34.000 And I said, just because, like...
01:11:37.000 I just always want to feel like your dad.
01:11:39.000 Like, just give me...
01:11:41.000 I gave that to my dad.
01:11:42.000 You gotta let it go.
01:11:43.000 I got a 20-year-old daughter.
01:11:44.000 She smokes weed.
01:11:45.000 There's nothing wrong with it.
01:11:46.000 In front of you?
01:11:47.000 Not really, but she's had wine in front of me.
01:11:49.000 Oh, yeah, but he wants me to roll it for him and hit it.
01:11:52.000 I'll roll it for her.
01:11:53.000 Listen, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
01:11:55.000 I think I'd be a hypocrite if I said there was.
01:11:57.000 She's a smart girl.
01:11:58.000 She knows what the fuck is up.
01:11:59.000 You know, and when she was younger, her mother caught her with it, and there's like this I'm like, bitch, you smoke weed.
01:12:04.000 Why are you getting mad at her?
01:12:05.000 But it's one of those things where you feel like you're supposed to get mad at people.
01:12:09.000 You're supposed to tell them, I'm like, listen, this is not bad for you.
01:12:12.000 But there are drugs that are bad for you.
01:12:14.000 So if I told you that this was bad for you and you realized it wasn't bad for you, first of all, I would be a massive hypocrite because I have weed tattooed on my body.
01:12:22.000 I'd be a massive hypocrite.
01:12:24.000 Plus, I knew she's on YouTube.
01:12:25.000 She's seen videos.
01:12:26.000 I mean, it's ridiculous.
01:12:27.000 I talk about weed all the time.
01:12:29.000 But more importantly, she wouldn't trust me about things that are bad for you.
01:12:33.000 I'd be like, stay the fuck away from that peanut butter crank.
01:12:37.000 That is actually bad for you.
01:12:39.000 And I told her, I said, we had a nice long discussion.
01:12:42.000 I said, I've never done anything that's addictive other than alcohol.
01:12:47.000 And I don't have whatever genetic predisposition to get addicted to alcohol.
01:12:51.000 But I've never fucked with coke.
01:12:53.000 I've never fucked with crank.
01:12:54.000 I've never fucked with heroin because I don't want to ruin my life.
01:12:57.000 I said, but there are some drugs that they're fun as long as you use them in moderation.
01:13:02.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with trying mushrooms.
01:13:04.000 If you do it in a safe setting, I don't think there's anything wrong with smoking a little weed.
01:13:08.000 I think there's plenty of things that people would throw under the same classification as drugs that they're just not bad for you, man.
01:13:16.000 They're just not.
01:13:18.000 You're right.
01:13:19.000 You're right.
01:13:20.000 I just, I don't know.
01:13:21.000 It's just kind of like that little, it's like a little Mexican thing.
01:13:24.000 It's like the machismo on this, like my dad was.
01:13:26.000 It's like, you don't do that shit in front of me.
01:13:27.000 Yeah.
01:13:28.000 I'm glad you told me that.
01:13:30.000 Hey, Georgie, I'm a blazer with you when I get home, foe.
01:13:33.000 George, you were going to blaze it.
01:13:34.000 He's a man.
01:13:35.000 He's 20 years old.
01:13:36.000 That's a man.
01:13:37.000 You know, my daughter's a woman.
01:13:38.000 She's a woman.
01:13:39.000 It's just this thing, man, when you're looking at life.
01:13:43.000 You know, we have classifications for people.
01:13:46.000 But when a person reaches a certain age, like, man, that's a grown-ass human being.
01:13:51.000 That person could have babies of their own.
01:13:53.000 They could go to war.
01:13:54.000 They could start a family.
01:13:56.000 They could start a business.
01:13:57.000 You know, it's...
01:14:00.000 I had a kid when I was 18. That's crazy, man.
01:14:02.000 Yeah, he's 20 now.
01:14:03.000 I could have easily.
01:14:07.000 We all could have, right?
01:14:08.000 I mean, anybody who's having sex could have easily had a kid when they were, you know, whatever age you started.
01:14:12.000 Most people, they fuck up, they have sex with no condom, they make mistakes.
01:14:18.000 Yeah, that was some wild shit.
01:14:21.000 His mom was the wild one.
01:14:22.000 She's the crazy one.
01:14:23.000 Yeah.
01:14:24.000 Crazy.
01:14:25.000 Does he still keep in touch with her?
01:14:27.000 Uh, fuck.
01:14:28.000 I mean, nah.
01:14:30.000 I mean, he sees her once in a while, but I've had custody of him ever since he was five years old.
01:14:34.000 Does he live with you now?
01:14:35.000 He's lived with me ever since he was five.
01:14:37.000 Does he want to do stand-up?
01:14:38.000 He did for a little bit, but he's more like, uh...
01:14:42.000 I don't know.
01:14:42.000 Like, he's more like...
01:14:44.000 Both of my kids, I wish I could have been them because they weren't...
01:14:49.000 I felt like I was a follower when I was a teenager because I wanted to be like a surfer skater, but I also wanted to be a gangster.
01:14:56.000 They're surfer skaters, and they're living life.
01:14:59.000 I love it, dude.
01:15:01.000 My son lives by the beach.
01:15:02.000 He surfs.
01:15:02.000 Oh, that's awesome.
01:15:03.000 Yeah, he works at In-N-Out.
01:15:05.000 My other son does choir.
01:15:06.000 All the things I wanted to do, they're doing.
01:15:09.000 So that's why I'm just like...
01:15:10.000 Well, you're real honest, and you talk about things real honestly, and from that, they can see mistakes.
01:15:18.000 Oh, yes.
01:15:19.000 And then not have to go through them themselves.
01:15:21.000 It's like...
01:15:22.000 I think parents that aren't honest about mistakes, I think they do themselves a disservice the way they raise their kids, because your kid doesn't get to learn from your own fuck-ups, you know?
01:15:32.000 Like, I think kids need to know that you're infallible, or that you're not infallible, that you make mistakes.
01:15:38.000 You're just a human.
01:15:40.000 I used to do this bit, but it really does kind of apply, is that when you were little, like, remember when you were little, you used to think that they were real grown-ups.
01:15:50.000 You usually get upset about something and go, one day I want to be a grown-up and everything's going to make sense.
01:15:54.000 But it's never going to make sense.
01:15:56.000 It's never going to make sense.
01:15:57.000 I'm 49 years old.
01:15:58.000 This doesn't make sense.
01:15:59.000 None of this makes sense to me.
01:16:01.000 It doesn't make sense at all.
01:16:02.000 It's crazy.
01:16:03.000 The life to this day is still so bizarre.
01:16:07.000 There's no grown-ups.
01:16:08.000 You just get older.
01:16:09.000 And then one day you realize, like, oh, I just gotta find out how to be happy.
01:16:14.000 That's all you have to do.
01:16:15.000 How to find out how to be happy and create camaraderie.
01:16:19.000 Like, create camaraderie amongst your friends and amongst your family and amongst the people that you love.
01:16:24.000 Spread as much of that as you can.
01:16:25.000 Like, that's what this is all about.
01:16:27.000 Straight up.
01:16:28.000 Just try to enjoy it as much as you can.
01:16:31.000 Whatever this is, enjoy as much as you can.
01:16:33.000 Everything else is a trap.
01:16:36.000 Everything else is a trap.
01:16:37.000 All the other thoughts are traps.
01:16:39.000 Collecting the most shit and having the biggest house and all that.
01:16:42.000 And, you know, being the most famous or selling the most records or, you know, whatever the fuck you do.
01:16:47.000 You know, selling the most million dollar houses.
01:16:50.000 Almost all of it's bullshit.
01:16:52.000 Yeah, some people just go out on missions.
01:16:54.000 Man, I got a brother like that.
01:16:55.000 I love you, but he's fucking great.
01:16:57.000 Like, I think he made me how I am.
01:16:59.000 I got five brothers.
01:17:01.000 All my older brothers are like teachers.
01:17:06.000 Like, super successful.
01:17:08.000 Not that I'm not, but it's just, like, you can tell where it just turned with me.
01:17:12.000 My older brother, he was, like, captain of the football team since, like, sixth grade this fool was a captain.
01:17:18.000 Played football with Marshall Falk.
01:17:20.000 Got his masters.
01:17:23.000 He's a trip.
01:17:23.000 He was just so hard.
01:17:25.000 I was like, drill me all the time.
01:17:27.000 Dude, he used to take me to the park and be like, hey, if that guy kicks your ass, I'm going to kick your ass.
01:17:31.000 Go fight.
01:17:32.000 And I'd be like, what the fuck?
01:17:35.000 Yeah.
01:17:35.000 What crazy leadership.
01:17:36.000 Oh, yeah.
01:17:37.000 And he was like in leadership programs and shit like that.
01:17:40.000 Yeah, dude.
01:17:41.000 And yeah.
01:17:43.000 Look at me now.
01:17:43.000 I remember I told him, I go, hey man, you keep pushing your son, he's going to end up just like me.
01:17:50.000 Like, chill.
01:17:51.000 Yeah.
01:17:52.000 Chill.
01:17:53.000 My brother was just like Chet from Weird Science.
01:17:56.000 That's hilarious.
01:17:58.000 But shorter than me.
01:17:59.000 And just super educated and thug.
01:18:03.000 It was weird.
01:18:04.000 Yeah.
01:18:05.000 Super educated and thug.
01:18:06.000 Yeah, like he could kick all my friends ass.
01:18:09.000 Yeah, fuck.
01:18:11.000 But he was really smart too.
01:18:12.000 Yeah.
01:18:13.000 Wow.
01:18:13.000 Yeah.
01:18:14.000 Did he ever get involved in martial arts?
01:18:16.000 No, no.
01:18:17.000 Probably should have done that.
01:18:18.000 That's probably would have been his calling.
01:18:20.000 He probably could have like maybe like alleviated some of that stress or that tension that he has.
01:18:27.000 But you know what?
01:18:27.000 It's weird.
01:18:28.000 It's like he coaches kids now and like he's so different.
01:18:32.000 Like he yeah, I think he finally got his mellow.
01:18:36.000 Well, he had kids of his own?
01:18:38.000 Yeah.
01:18:38.000 He has a beautiful little son.
01:18:40.000 He's so competitive to this day.
01:18:43.000 I remember somebody was like, hey, I seen you on Comedy Central Rose Battle.
01:18:46.000 He was like, yeah, but I graduated from Chapman.
01:18:49.000 Ah!
01:18:50.000 I'm like, fuck, can I have something?
01:18:52.000 That's hilarious.
01:18:53.000 He doesn't just want to say, you did great.
01:18:55.000 Yeah.
01:18:56.000 He'll tell me, like, I did good on something else.
01:18:58.000 You know what I usually think?
01:18:59.000 I used to think, oh, well, that guy, just fuck those guys.
01:19:02.000 Those guys are pains in the ass.
01:19:03.000 It's too hard to deal with them.
01:19:04.000 Then I realized what those guys are is, like, Super winners that never found a venue like sometimes there's super winners like there's certain people like I really think in order to be a Michael Jordan or Anybody that's like a super winner you you almost have to be imbalanced to the point where you want to succeed You want it all about you way more than the average person and that creates a lot of like relationship Like like a Block
01:19:35.000 in the harmony because you're always thinking about yourself like I think a lot of those guys Don't find the venue.
01:19:41.000 They don't find a real thing to be competitive with and but if they did They would get all those lumps especially with martial arts especially with jiu-jitsu jiu-jitsu is a big one man and if you can get through that You get all those lumps, you get choked out all the time,
01:19:57.000 you get your ass kicked all the time, and through getting your ass kicked all the time, getting strangled and tapped out, you learn how to control your ego better, and then you learn, like, what's actual success and what is you just talking shit?
01:20:09.000 Like, how much of this is real?
01:20:11.000 Oh.
01:20:11.000 You know what I mean?
01:20:12.000 Mm-hmm.
01:20:14.000 Yeah, because like, yeah, Jordan, he was just soaring from college all the way up.
01:20:20.000 But you can't do that when you get your jiu-jitsu blackball, right?
01:20:23.000 Well, you can still, you know, you can compete.
01:20:25.000 You know, you could certainly, I mean, the guys who are the best in the world, all of them are completely obsessed with competing and training in jiu-jitsu.
01:20:33.000 But I think just for men, sometimes it's good to have some sort of avenue for aggressive behavior.
01:20:39.000 Just get it out of the way so you can chill out.
01:20:41.000 It's called Raiders games.
01:20:42.000 Yeah!
01:20:44.000 I really think that that's what a lot of douchey guys are missing in their life.
01:20:47.000 They're missing that outlet.
01:20:49.000 I agree with you to that.
01:20:51.000 And some girls, too, because girls now are just...
01:20:54.000 I've seen more girls fight each other than I've seen guys fight each other at clubs.
01:20:59.000 Yeah, I go to YouTube.
01:20:59.000 I don't go to clubs.
01:21:01.000 I watch that stuff from a distance, but yeah girls beat the fuck out of each other now that they've seen all these MMA girls who know how to beat the fuck out of each other I mean Ronda Rousey well first Gina Carano and Chris Cyborg those are the first ones like Gina Carano was like the first female superstar, but it never got as big As it is with the UFC. Like when Ronda Rousey became the first female superstar mixed martial artist,
01:21:24.000 she became the first woman where dudes had to look at each other and go, do you think she can kick your ass?
01:21:28.000 Yeah.
01:21:28.000 And guys would be like, fuck no.
01:21:29.000 And the other guy would be like, fuck yes, she'd kick your ass.
01:21:32.000 No, she wouldn't, bro.
01:21:33.000 No, no, no, no.
01:21:34.000 Guy, she would kick your ass and they'd have these conversations.
01:21:36.000 That's like literally the first time ever.
01:21:38.000 Yeah, fuck yeah.
01:21:39.000 I've had that conversation.
01:21:41.000 How many women have got in the fights or started becoming a fighter because of her?
01:21:44.000 Probably a giant number.
01:21:46.000 Fuck yeah.
01:21:47.000 You know, I would love to see like Chola come out of prison and get into that shit.
01:21:54.000 Yeah.
01:21:55.000 Especially if she could get good.
01:21:57.000 She had a good coach.
01:21:59.000 So much of it, man.
01:22:01.000 Yeah, the coaching?
01:22:02.000 It's giant.
01:22:03.000 It's giant.
01:22:04.000 Say if you, George Perez, were a young guy, liked to fight, and you went to the wrong place, and they taught you bad things.
01:22:10.000 They taught you.
01:22:11.000 They have poor habits.
01:22:14.000 Their patterns, like how they fight, is too predictable.
01:22:17.000 They don't have a well-rounded game.
01:22:19.000 Or you get lucky.
01:22:21.000 You could go to like Firas Zahabi in Montreal.
01:22:24.000 There's a few guys, a handful of guys that are like the best guys in the world.
01:22:27.000 And you meet them and you realize like, oh shit, I got really lucky.
01:22:30.000 I found someone with like this deep reservoir of martial arts knowledge.
01:22:34.000 But there's only like 20 or 30 of those guys on the planet Earth.
01:22:39.000 There's such a small number of like really good mixed martial arts in particular instructors.
01:22:45.000 There's a bunch of really good traditional martial arts instructors, like jujitsu instructors, a ton of really good ones, a ton.
01:22:54.000 Taekwondo, the same, a lot for Muay Thai.
01:22:56.000 But as far as like MMA, just the full, like what martial arts really are today is the whole thing.
01:23:04.000 It's so hard to separate.
01:23:05.000 It's good to separate in terms of like...
01:23:07.000 Understanding who's the best at each individual skill, who's the best jiu-jitsu guy on the planet is not necessarily who the best MMA fighter on the planet is.
01:23:14.000 There's a difference.
01:23:15.000 And if the best MMA fighter on the planet competed in jiu-jitsu against the best jiu-jitsu guys, they'd probably lose.
01:23:22.000 And if the best jiu-jitsu guy competed against the MMA fighter in MMA, they would most likely lose.
01:23:28.000 So it's a real...
01:23:29.000 It's a balance you have to get as well, right?
01:23:31.000 Yeah, it's a balance.
01:23:32.000 And to put that balance together, there's a handful of people on the planet.
01:23:36.000 Yeah, it's just it's a so if you know a young guy wanted to Become a martial artist like it's so important of find a good school.
01:23:45.000 It's everything It's everything you could find someone who's a knucklehead that just likes teaching, you know, they like hearing their own voice Yeah, and they you know, they have their own system and they act like an asshole they act like a tough guy and You could run into one of those...
01:23:59.000 Like, we played a video on here a couple weeks back of...
01:24:02.000 I guess it was from the 80s.
01:24:04.000 It's this karate instructor.
01:24:05.000 They took this homeless guy off the street and they beat the fuck out of him on this video.
01:24:11.000 Stomp his head while it's on the ground.
01:24:13.000 I mean, it is hardcore.
01:24:15.000 Super hard to watch, but...
01:24:17.000 If you're a kid, you could stumble into that guy's gym, or you could stumble into AMC Pancration in Washington State with Matt Humes, like one of those small handful of guys that's among the best in the world.
01:24:27.000 You can get lucky or you could fuck up.
01:24:29.000 Shit, comedy's like that too.
01:24:30.000 Hell yeah.
01:24:32.000 Hell yeah.
01:24:32.000 Fuck yeah.
01:24:33.000 I've had to break so many bad habits.
01:24:35.000 Yeah.
01:24:37.000 Well, if you start off in the wrong spot around the wrong people, you think that's what comedy is.
01:24:42.000 Well, you can get lucky.
01:24:43.000 You know, you can get lucky and be in New York City.
01:24:46.000 You know, you could be lucky and be, you know, at the cellar and at the stand and walking around seeing all these comics just banging it out and constantly writing and developing new material.
01:24:56.000 Or you could fuck up and you could be born in, you know, some weird Midwest state that doesn't have a comedy scene.
01:25:02.000 You gotta figure out how to fucking get on stage somewhere.
01:25:06.000 Yeah, fuck that.
01:25:07.000 Yeah, man.
01:25:08.000 If you're stuck somewhere that doesn't have a comedy scene and you want to try comedy, moving is fucking hard, man!
01:25:14.000 Yeah, dude, I live in Orange County and people are like, why don't you move to Hollywood?
01:25:18.000 I'm like, dude, I still, like, am close to you.
01:25:21.000 Like, I don't have to be there, but I'm so happy that I'm fucking from Orange County.
01:25:25.000 Yeah.
01:25:26.000 Because I can go to Ontario, San Diego, all these other clubs that'll take you guys three hours.
01:25:31.000 It only takes me an hour either way.
01:25:33.000 Yeah.
01:25:33.000 So, fuck yeah, I got lucky.
01:25:37.000 Well, this whole area is a great, contrary to what people would think, is a great place to start.
01:25:43.000 And there's also, because the Comedy Store has so many comics that went from being like door people to being headliners, like everybody who's a comic at the Comedy Store is a comic.
01:25:55.000 Yes.
01:25:55.000 You know, there's like a group of all of us and we're all in the mix together.
01:25:59.000 From the guys who are still, I mean, I had one of the door guys on the podcast before.
01:26:04.000 I think that when you do stand-up comedy, you do stand-up comedy.
01:26:09.000 You know, and I think that Anything else like looking at it in any other way is is kind of it's It's kind of short-sighted, you know, we're all in this weird thing together in some weird way No, I hear you like when I first started I didn't even it was forbidden to go to the store Like that's what like I was told all dude.
01:26:28.000 They don't take Mexicans there and I'm like, oh Who told you that?
01:26:31.000 I don't remember.
01:26:32.000 What year was this?
01:26:33.000 It's like 2002, 2001. That's hilarious.
01:26:36.000 Yeah, and I was like, all right.
01:26:38.000 That's just somebody making shit up.
01:26:39.000 Yeah, then I meet Luke Torres and Johnny Sanchez, and they're like, hey, we're going to go start the time.
01:26:44.000 I was like, what the fuck?
01:26:46.000 Lucky to be there now.
01:26:48.000 I love that place.
01:26:49.000 I'm learning so much.
01:26:51.000 It's a trip, because somebody told me, it's the place for the zoo.
01:26:55.000 And I was just like, that's exactly what I am.
01:26:57.000 Look at me.
01:26:58.000 No other...
01:26:59.000 No other club's gonna look at me and be like, we want you to be the MC. Well, I remember I saw you.
01:27:04.000 First time I saw you there was a while back.
01:27:06.000 You were doing a roast battle.
01:27:07.000 And the first thing I said was like, this dude looks different than these other people.
01:27:11.000 I'm like, there's something dangerous about this guy.
01:27:14.000 Like, I've been around enough dangerous people where, like, dangerous people almost have like a smell to them.
01:27:20.000 We do.
01:27:20.000 Like, don't, don't, don't get stupid.
01:27:25.000 You know, because some people, I don't think they smell that.
01:27:28.000 I can meet someone, I swear to God, and if it's a guy who's been through a lot of shit, you can tell pretty quickly into talking to him.
01:27:37.000 They've legitimately seen a lot of character testing shit, like getting involved in prison riots or beating the fuck out of a guy and breaking his orbital bone at a basketball game.
01:27:46.000 There's people that have done shit like that.
01:27:48.000 They have a feel to them.
01:27:50.000 It's interesting.
01:27:51.000 I saw you doing your roast battle.
01:27:52.000 First of all, you were very funny.
01:27:53.000 I remember that.
01:27:54.000 Oh, thank you.
01:27:54.000 Thank you.
01:27:55.000 I was like, sharp, funny, well-worded insults, which is like what roast battle's all about.
01:28:00.000 It's really, what they've done is created an amazing sort of a writer's show.
01:28:06.000 Yeah.
01:28:07.000 Really about performing and coming up with good ideas and good jokes.
01:28:11.000 And it's cool because it gives a guy like me a chance to go against people that I would never meet or ever hang out with.
01:28:18.000 And like, dude, they get to be in front of you, raw.
01:28:23.000 It's like all these guys, I get to see them instead of seeing them at a coffee shop.
01:28:27.000 Yeah.
01:28:28.000 Yeah.
01:28:29.000 I like that show.
01:28:30.000 It's amazing.
01:28:31.000 It's a great show.
01:28:32.000 It's fucking funny as hell too, man.
01:28:34.000 Yeah.
01:28:34.000 So I remember seeing you there and then hearing your story.
01:28:38.000 I was like, God damn, that's a crazy story.
01:28:41.000 You have so much stuff that you could mine into.
01:28:44.000 Dude, it gets even crazier because nobody ever asked me, this is the crazy shit, Joe.
01:28:52.000 Prison was a fucking piece of cake.
01:28:54.000 The hardest shit was coming home.
01:28:58.000 It's kind of like you go away for a war.
01:28:59.000 I remember coming home and like...
01:29:03.000 I was the neat freak forever, and I tried to treat everybody in my house like they were inmates.
01:29:08.000 I'd be like, hey, who the fuck left hair?
01:29:13.000 My kids are like, dad, my bad fool.
01:29:16.000 And oh, yeah, like, I couldn't be around people too close.
01:29:20.000 Wow.
01:29:21.000 If I went to the store, like, I looked in the eye, hey, homie, I'm paying you here.
01:29:25.000 And people are like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?
01:29:28.000 I would never text nobody.
01:29:30.000 Nobody would answer my call.
01:29:31.000 I'm like, what the fuck is there...
01:29:33.000 No one's answering my call.
01:29:34.000 Nobody wants to answer calls anymore.
01:29:36.000 Yeah.
01:29:37.000 It's strange, right?
01:29:38.000 A lot of weird shit about getting out was the fucking transition of transitions.
01:29:44.000 So you were institutionalized?
01:29:46.000 Institutionalized.
01:29:47.000 Yeah.
01:29:47.000 Straight up.
01:29:49.000 And you were only in there for three years, man.
01:29:50.000 Imagine if you were in there for 20, 25. Fuck.
01:29:55.000 Well...
01:29:57.000 It's kind of like how you say it's who you affiliate yourself with.
01:30:00.000 And then, you know, when you come from the street, there's codes that just you're taught from the beginning that are going to follow you in there.
01:30:09.000 So it's kind of like I was taught by the right people and the codes to go in there and just to come out.
01:30:15.000 And to finally realize, like, hey, I'm not even going to gangbang no more.
01:30:18.000 I don't even give a fuck.
01:30:20.000 You can call me what you want to call me.
01:30:22.000 I'm living life now for my kids, and then for me, and then I need this new generation.
01:30:27.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:30:28.000 Right.
01:30:29.000 That was the whole weird transition as well.
01:30:31.000 It's just, like, being on parole.
01:30:34.000 Fuck, that was embarrassing.
01:30:36.000 Is there a feeling, like, hoping that you could pull it off?
01:30:40.000 I would imagine that something like parole, one of the big issues would be that if you know that someone's watching you and checking up on you all the time and evaluating you all the time, that puts almost additional pressure on you to fuck up.
01:30:53.000 There's like a psychological thing that happens to people.
01:30:57.000 You were talking about your brother putting all that pressure on you, and then you respond from it.
01:31:02.000 There's a pressure that you put on someone when you're monitoring their behavior.
01:31:06.000 And I understand that you have to do it, especially if someone's committed violent crimes.
01:31:11.000 You've got to make sure they're doing all right and they're not doing anything stupid.
01:31:13.000 You're letting them free, right?
01:31:15.000 I can understand it.
01:31:16.000 But I'm just saying that psychologically, it probably has an adverse effect on the person.
01:31:21.000 Like, that's gotta fuck with your head, man.
01:31:23.000 Oh, fuck yeah.
01:31:25.000 And it's, oh, shit.
01:31:26.000 What does it feel like to have to check in with somebody?
01:31:29.000 Fuck.
01:31:30.000 It sucks because it's kind of like, imagine having a girlfriend that can just be like, you know, fuck you, bitch, you're going to prison.
01:31:36.000 Oh, man.
01:31:37.000 That's exactly what it is.
01:31:38.000 It's like, you have to, like, why didn't you answer my call?
01:31:41.000 And I was like, I was on stage, asshole.
01:31:43.000 My bad.
01:31:43.000 I was working.
01:31:44.000 I can't answer.
01:31:45.000 And he was like, oh, okay.
01:31:46.000 Did they power trip on you?
01:31:48.000 Yeah, they power trip.
01:31:49.000 And plus, I was a high-risk inmate.
01:31:51.000 So you're high control.
01:31:53.000 When you're on parole, they get you as a...
01:31:56.000 What's that shit called?
01:31:59.000 I'm a high-risk inmate or normal parole.
01:32:01.000 Normal parole, all you do is check in once a month.
01:32:04.000 They don't come to your house.
01:32:06.000 Maybe you piss test.
01:32:07.000 I have to go into that office once a week.
01:32:10.000 Piss test every time I go in.
01:32:12.000 Wow.
01:32:13.000 And he comes to visit me with only an hour notice.
01:32:17.000 Only an hour notice.
01:32:18.000 Sometimes, if you're lucky.
01:32:20.000 Sometimes we're just outside.
01:32:21.000 Jesus Christ.
01:32:22.000 That's so crazy, man.
01:32:23.000 And this is the crazy part, is this guy thought I was drug dealing, because I just got out of prison, and you're on parole for three years.
01:32:31.000 So my first year, I got out, and I couldn't work it out with my baby's mom.
01:32:34.000 She was different, and I became a different person.
01:32:37.000 I wasn't that gangster that, you know what I mean?
01:32:39.000 I came out like, nah.
01:32:41.000 So we just went our own ways.
01:32:44.000 My buddy just got a divorce and he had a badass house in Anaheim Hills.
01:32:50.000 And he goes, hey dog, like the bank's going to take the house.
01:32:53.000 I think you have like a year.
01:32:54.000 You can stay in there.
01:32:55.000 He's like, I don't want to stay there.
01:32:56.000 I hate that fucking house.
01:32:57.000 Me and my wife divorced.
01:32:58.000 So I was staying at this house for free and just paying the bills.
01:33:03.000 And my poor officer was like, how in the fuck do you have a better house than me?
01:33:11.000 So he thought you were dealing drugs.
01:33:13.000 He thought I was slanging.
01:33:14.000 That's hilarious.
01:33:15.000 Yeah, and then like he was cool though because like he he finally like treated me like I was a normal person.
01:33:21.000 He confessed to me once.
01:33:22.000 He's like, man, this is bullshit, George.
01:33:24.000 He's like, I'm getting a fucking divorce.
01:33:25.000 He was getting divorced too.
01:33:27.000 And I guess they were cutting all the parole officers.
01:33:30.000 They were doing a cut.
01:33:32.000 So since he had bad credit, he couldn't be a casino cop.
01:33:38.000 Wow.
01:33:38.000 Bad credit.
01:33:39.000 Yeah, if you have bad credit, you can't be a casino cop.
01:33:43.000 I wonder why.
01:33:43.000 I wonder if they think that you're too desperate for money.
01:33:46.000 Probably.
01:33:47.000 And then you might be able to accept bribes from people or something.
01:33:50.000 Yeah, probably.
01:33:51.000 But that was the only time that guy ever talked to me.
01:33:55.000 And it'd be like, hey, take a piss in front of me.
01:33:58.000 You know how weird that is?
01:33:59.000 Real weird.
01:34:00.000 They gotta look at your dick, right?
01:34:02.000 They gotta make sure you don't have a rubber dick.
01:34:04.000 No, for real.
01:34:05.000 So many people have been caught with those whizzinators.
01:34:07.000 No, what you do is you put bleach under your fingernail or those special things.
01:34:11.000 That's like no advanced.
01:34:12.000 That's what Joey Diaz says.
01:34:14.000 Yeah.
01:34:14.000 He said he put Clorox under the foreskin of his dick.
01:34:19.000 He was talking about it.
01:34:21.000 I one time...
01:34:22.000 I think he said he put Drano there too once.
01:34:27.000 I used to put coffee on my balls when I went to court.
01:34:30.000 Coffee?
01:34:30.000 Just to have coffee.
01:34:31.000 I put it in a plastic bag and a rubber band and wrap it around my squirrel and go to court.
01:34:36.000 You look like a pimp just going to court.
01:34:38.000 You're in like a 50 people in a jail cell.
01:34:41.000 Right.
01:34:41.000 And you're just right there and nothing to do.
01:34:44.000 I want some coffee, homie.
01:34:47.000 For reals.
01:34:49.000 It's like that.
01:34:50.000 And then everyone's like, shoot it!
01:34:52.000 And it's like, when you're in there, you want it to be just like this.
01:34:55.000 Hey, man, there's no responsibility but just to be cool and be strong and fucking let's have fun, dog.
01:35:01.000 Wow.
01:35:02.000 So you knew to keep coffee on your ball so that you could have it once you'd be in prison?
01:35:06.000 No.
01:35:07.000 This is when I... No, I'm already in prison.
01:35:14.000 But sometimes you've got to go to court.
01:35:16.000 So I was going to court to get my license back.
01:35:20.000 Because you have the right to get your license back.
01:35:22.000 Even though you're in prison, you still have the right.
01:35:24.000 So they're like, alright, fuck it, we'll send you.
01:35:26.000 So I tied it, because knowing like, hey, there's not going to be no coffee for us.
01:35:30.000 But when I pull up to this, and the homies are going to be like...
01:35:33.000 Because you don't get in trouble for sneaking coffee.
01:35:36.000 They'll just like, hey, stupid ass, talk shit to you.
01:35:39.000 But it was just like bragging, having fun.
01:35:43.000 Right.
01:35:43.000 Sorry, that was weird, huh?
01:35:44.000 That's pretty funny, though.
01:35:46.000 That's hilarious, thinking about balls and coffee together.
01:35:50.000 Yeah, and no one's even like, oh, watch out.
01:35:52.000 It's a cup in the back.
01:35:53.000 No one gives a fun?
01:35:55.000 Give me a spoon, give me a spoon, give me a spoon.
01:35:56.000 Boom.
01:35:57.000 Wow.
01:35:57.000 Because there's hot water in the restroom right there.
01:36:00.000 We get it from the sink.
01:36:02.000 Pretty weird.
01:36:04.000 It's strange when you think about it, or does it seem like normal?
01:36:08.000 Because it seems to me like, obviously you moved past that, you're doing well as a stand-up comedian now, you're out, but when you're talking about it, there's part of you that kind of misses the fun times like that, right?
01:36:21.000 Oh yeah, fuck yeah, you can see it.
01:36:23.000 But you don't want to go back.
01:36:25.000 Never, no!
01:36:25.000 So that's so crazy, isn't it?
01:36:27.000 Yeah, it's just like, I don't know man, it's kind of like, I was places with people for a long time that like became family to me for that.
01:36:37.000 And like, I don't know, I'm the kind of guy that like, hey man, when I'm your friend, I'm your friend.
01:36:42.000 And like, they're still my friends.
01:36:44.000 I'm like, I know a lot of people.
01:36:47.000 This is what I've been told by a lot of people.
01:36:48.000 You're the only fool I met that when he got out, answered my fucking phone call, didn't, like, people forget about you.
01:36:54.000 They don't want nothing to do with you.
01:36:56.000 It's happened to me where I've called people, they're like, hey, homie, that was just prison, dog.
01:36:59.000 I was like, oh shit, my bad.
01:37:01.000 So, yeah.
01:37:02.000 Oh, wow.
01:37:03.000 So you get out of prison, they don't want to have nothing to do with you.
01:37:05.000 Yeah, I could see people wanting to move on with their lives, too, man.
01:37:09.000 I just think prison itself, it's got to be so devastating.
01:37:13.000 It's so crazy how many people we have locked up.
01:37:16.000 When you look at the numbers, the United States keeps...
01:37:18.000 Oh, they're not even telling you the truth.
01:37:19.000 They're not?
01:37:20.000 No.
01:37:20.000 Like, now they got T-bunks now.
01:37:22.000 Like, you don't even have day room no more, so you're in a prison.
01:37:26.000 Let's just say this is a prison right here.
01:37:28.000 Along the wall, there'd be cells.
01:37:31.000 And in the middle would be where you eat.
01:37:33.000 Now they have tea bunks.
01:37:34.000 They have bunks that are screwed into the concrete.
01:37:37.000 And people sleep.
01:37:40.000 Like, with no protection.
01:37:41.000 Imagine that shit.
01:37:43.000 Wow.
01:37:43.000 You and 50 other inmates just in a bunk.
01:37:46.000 In someone's big living room.
01:37:49.000 Yeah, it's getting overpopulated.
01:37:53.000 The numbers are so insane, though.
01:37:55.000 Yeah.
01:37:55.000 And it's crazy.
01:37:56.000 I'm going to cut you off, but this is what trips me out.
01:37:59.000 I had friends that I was locked up with, and in Wasco, it's reception, so people come in and out, and my friends are like, oh yeah, everybody on this side, they get sent to Mississippi, and then they send all those.
01:38:10.000 They're sending our inmates to Mississippi, Alabama, Michigan.
01:38:16.000 And Michigan and they were getting a check from us.
01:38:19.000 And then at the end they bring us back and they send us home from somewhere over here.
01:38:24.000 Yeah, there's never been a time in history where a country has locked up more of its citizens than right now.
01:38:30.000 I can't imagine there's ever been a time.
01:38:32.000 I mean, I'm saying that pretty confidently, but I think they said that United States has more prisoners than...
01:38:39.000 It was a giant number when they compared it to the rest of the world.
01:38:43.000 Like, how many prisoners...
01:38:44.000 Just look it up.
01:38:45.000 Like, the United States prisoners in comparison to prisons combined, the rest of the world.
01:38:50.000 Because it's insane how many we have locked up.
01:38:52.000 We got more prisoners and illegal immigrants in California.
01:38:56.000 I'm sure.
01:38:57.000 I'm sure, right?
01:38:59.000 Yeah.
01:39:00.000 But what the fuck is the solution to that?
01:39:02.000 Like, that's a broken society.
01:39:04.000 If you have a million people locked up or whatever the hell we have locked up, don't we have something like a million?
01:39:10.000 How many?
01:39:12.000 But where does the funding come from?
01:39:14.000 So it trips me out.
01:39:15.000 How are they getting so much money off of it?
01:39:17.000 Well, there's a bunch of different ways.
01:39:18.000 First of all, it's a business.
01:39:20.000 Whenever a company is getting paid because people are in jail, that's a business.
01:39:25.000 If it's a state business or if it's a private business, they're still businesses.
01:39:30.000 Because they cost money.
01:39:31.000 And they cost money and people get paid to work there.
01:39:34.000 So as soon as people get paid to work there, they want to keep those jobs.
01:39:37.000 That's always going to be a problem.
01:39:38.000 And people get paid to work in prisons.
01:39:40.000 They're going to keep those jobs.
01:39:41.000 Also, they lobby.
01:39:43.000 They lobby hard.
01:39:44.000 The prison guard union lobby, cops lobby.
01:39:47.000 2,220,300 adults were incarcerated in 2013. Wow.
01:39:55.000 Damn.
01:39:55.000 Holy shit.
01:39:56.000 Additionally, 4,751,400 adults in 2013 were on probation or parole.
01:40:03.000 Whew.
01:40:04.000 That's a lot.
01:40:05.000 Dude, that's one in every 51 people is on parole.
01:40:09.000 That is fucking crazy.
01:40:11.000 That's crazy.
01:40:13.000 And once you're on parole, you stay in the system.
01:40:17.000 That is a crazy number, man.
01:40:19.000 Yeah.
01:40:20.000 That's...
01:40:21.000 There's obviously too many things that are illegal.
01:40:23.000 There's a lot of people that want to do these things.
01:40:25.000 We've got to figure out what's violent crime, what's crime, what's violent crime, what does everybody agree you can't do?
01:40:34.000 Can't kill people.
01:40:35.000 Everybody agrees like certain shit.
01:40:37.000 Figure out what that is, and all that other shit you're locking people up for, stop!
01:40:42.000 Stop it!
01:40:44.000 Well, they get paid.
01:40:44.000 It's like you said, like every public defender gets, what, $800 for every time someone signs for time?
01:40:49.000 I'm sure there's that.
01:40:51.000 But then there's also private prisons.
01:40:52.000 There's also prisons that get paid.
01:40:55.000 I mean, they're a business.
01:40:56.000 They start a prison so that they can make money by having people locked in their cages.
01:41:01.000 And then they probably sub them out and do work around the highway and stuff and make money off of that, huh?
01:41:06.000 Probably.
01:41:07.000 I don't know, but I would imagine if they made people work in your prison, and we've always seen people working in prisons, I would always assume that that's a big part of it.
01:41:17.000 And you can make boots.
01:41:19.000 We make our own boots, our own clothes in there, too.
01:41:22.000 That was one of my earliest jokes.
01:41:24.000 When I was like, it's probably a hack joke and I don't even know it, but when I was a kid, Live Free or Die was on the New Hampshire license plate.
01:41:34.000 And I was like, imagine that.
01:41:35.000 Live Free or Die.
01:41:36.000 What's fucked up about it is those plates are being made by prisoners.
01:41:41.000 So they're in jail, and they're writing live free or die on a plate.
01:41:46.000 What a mindfuck that must be.
01:41:50.000 Kill yourself, bitch.
01:41:51.000 Kill yourself, big client.
01:41:52.000 Kill yourself.
01:41:52.000 That was one of my earliest jokes.
01:41:55.000 I'm probably one of ten guys to come up with it though because it's so obvious.
01:41:59.000 You know, that was always the big thing, right?
01:42:01.000 License plates.
01:42:02.000 Yeah, license plates, and now it's everything.
01:42:05.000 Frigerators, microwaves.
01:42:06.000 They make refrigerators in prison?
01:42:07.000 It was always license plates, though, when we were kids, right?
01:42:10.000 That was always the thing.
01:42:11.000 Prisoners and license plates were connected for some strange reason.
01:42:14.000 And then in Mississippi and down south, they made the railroads, didn't they?
01:42:18.000 Probably.
01:42:19.000 I know they actually really did break rocks in some places.
01:42:22.000 They would literally make gravel with sledgehammers.
01:42:25.000 That's a great workout.
01:42:27.000 Yeah?
01:42:28.000 Oh, yeah.
01:42:29.000 It's the best workout.
01:42:30.000 I used to swing a sledge when I did construction.
01:42:32.000 I was a form setter.
01:42:33.000 I had an 8-pounder and 10-pounder sometimes when we had rough dirt.
01:42:37.000 Well, they do that a lot with, like, MMA conditioning classes.
01:42:40.000 They have people hit sledgehammers on tires and shit.
01:42:43.000 What's this, young Jamie?
01:42:44.000 It's a 13 thing.
01:42:46.000 11 products you might not know were made by prisoners.
01:42:48.000 Oh, books for the blind.
01:42:50.000 Lingerie.
01:42:50.000 Oh, shit.
01:42:51.000 These dudes are making lingerie.
01:42:52.000 Victoria's Secrets and JCPenney hired subcontractor, third generation, who in turn hired people to stitch their lingerie and leisure wear.
01:43:01.000 How many of those dudes licked those panties before they put them in those packages?
01:43:05.000 How many of them rubbed their ballsack on them?
01:43:07.000 Come on.
01:43:08.000 But that's why women want them, too, because they're like, a convict made this.
01:43:11.000 Yeah, they smell it.
01:43:14.000 They smell danger in those panties.
01:43:15.000 Park benches and picnic tables.
01:43:17.000 Wow.
01:43:18.000 Military jackets and battle garb.
01:43:20.000 Wow, that's an interesting one.
01:43:40.000 You know what they're going to say in the future?
01:43:41.000 They're going to look back and they're going to go, oh, this is a hilarious point in history because the people then didn't know that they had slaves.
01:43:51.000 They didn't think slavery existed.
01:43:54.000 They were like, slavery doesn't exist anymore.
01:43:55.000 But meanwhile, that is exactly what slavery is, regardless of what they did.
01:44:01.000 If someone murdered someone, there's an argument that they should be locked up.
01:44:05.000 But when they're working for 38 cents an hour because they murdered somebody, and they're making shit that people are buying, they're slaves.
01:44:14.000 Even if just the government's buying it, that's a slave.
01:44:18.000 Right?
01:44:18.000 Fuck yeah.
01:44:19.000 I just thought of that right now.
01:44:20.000 I was like, fuck, I've been a slave for three years.
01:44:22.000 That's a slave.
01:44:23.000 It's a slave.
01:44:24.000 You know, because people have always said, well, slavery is barbaric.
01:44:27.000 If you didn't know our culture, and you didn't know we accept this form of slavery as being punishment, restitution, And you didn't know that some people that are in there absolutely don't deserve to be in there, or were railroaded on trumped-up charges.
01:44:43.000 There's a percentage, whether it's one out of a hundred or whatever the fuck it is, that person's a real person in jail right now, and they're working as a slave to make body armor for 38 cents an hour.
01:44:55.000 Fuck you!
01:44:56.000 That's slavery.
01:44:57.000 That is slavery.
01:44:59.000 You just figured out a way to make it okay.
01:45:02.000 I figured out a way to make it okay.
01:45:04.000 Look at this.
01:45:06.000 Colorado Correction Industries oversees approximately 60 inmate work programs.
01:45:10.000 Jailbirds at Fremont County Jail, for example, build fiberglass sealed canoes.
01:45:15.000 They use scraps from the prison's furniture shop and sell the canoes for around $1,500.
01:45:21.000 Other Colorado programs help craft those ubiquitous college dormitory desks and bookshelves.
01:45:27.000 Wow.
01:45:28.000 They make blue jeans.
01:45:29.000 Holy shit.
01:45:30.000 A lot of jeans people buy.
01:45:32.000 The Eastern Oregon Correctional Institute is home for a 47,000 square foot facility.
01:45:38.000 Prison blue jeans factory.
01:45:41.000 Yeah, it's getting paid.
01:45:44.000 A prison blue jean...
01:45:45.000 Horses?
01:45:47.000 What is horses?
01:45:48.000 They train wild mustangs, prepping them for adoption.
01:45:52.000 That is hilarious.
01:45:54.000 We gotta open up a prison.
01:45:56.000 Horses!
01:45:58.000 They capture wild horses and train them for adoption.
01:46:03.000 Did you know that that's an issue in America right now?
01:46:05.000 I'm just becoming aware of the issue of wild horses.
01:46:09.000 There's a wild horse issue in America.
01:46:11.000 What do you mean?
01:46:12.000 Horses that have gotten free and they've gone feral and they're wild and apparently there's tens of thousands of them.
01:46:19.000 Are they attacking anything?
01:46:21.000 No, no, they're not attacking anything.
01:46:22.000 They're not a danger.
01:46:23.000 It's just they're encroaching on farmland and they're becoming a new ant.
01:46:28.000 Well, look, at one point in time, horses roamed wild on the plains.
01:46:32.000 That was a long time ago.
01:46:33.000 Long, long, long time ago.
01:46:34.000 Then they actually went extinct in North America and they were brought here from other parts of the world where they originated in North America.
01:46:41.000 They brought them other places.
01:46:42.000 So there was a point in time somewhere in history where horses did run wild around here.
01:46:47.000 But they killed a lot of them.
01:46:48.000 They killed them and they used them.
01:46:50.000 They filled them with strychnine and fed them to wolves to kill off the wolf population.
01:46:54.000 Oh, wow.
01:46:55.000 Because they were trying to make everything safe for cattle raising.
01:46:58.000 That's fucking crazy.
01:47:00.000 Yeah.
01:47:00.000 Dude, our country used to be this kind of wild area where all these animals roam free.
01:47:05.000 But when cattlemen moved across the country, they started doing these wild horses you're showing us, Jamie?
01:47:10.000 In Nevada.
01:47:11.000 Yeah, in Nevada.
01:47:12.000 Nevada has thousands of them, apparently.
01:47:14.000 But people see them there all the time.
01:47:16.000 I mean, it's a common occurrence.
01:47:18.000 I mean, these are like deer or like anything else.
01:47:21.000 These are giant, wild animals.
01:47:23.000 So what's really fucking weird is, you know, people are talking about hunting these things now because they're killing them.
01:47:32.000 And they were doing it in the early 1900s.
01:47:37.000 They would kill them and make dog food out of them.
01:47:40.000 Because they needed meat for pets.
01:47:43.000 Like, people really didn't have pets.
01:47:45.000 Like, there wasn't, like, a pet food industry the way there is today, you know?
01:47:49.000 People just fed their pet whatever the fuck they fed them, you know?
01:47:52.000 If you wanted a dog, you fed them scraps.
01:47:54.000 That was, like, a big thing, you know, feeding your dog table scraps.
01:47:57.000 But they started feeding them these horses.
01:47:59.000 So they started killing all these horses, and they would kill horses for dog food, and they would kill horses and feed them to wolves.
01:48:06.000 But for whatever reason, we didn't eat horses over here.
01:48:10.000 Yeah, that's fucking crazy.
01:48:11.000 So they were doing this in Denver or in Nevada?
01:48:15.000 That's in Nevada.
01:48:16.000 Those wild horses right there in that video.
01:48:19.000 Just wandered around the high country desert, I'm sure.
01:48:22.000 Yeah, because we have that problem with cats.
01:48:23.000 I'd fucking flip out if it was horses in the front of my fucking yard like that.
01:48:27.000 Yeah.
01:48:28.000 Well, if you live out there, man, it's possible.
01:48:30.000 I mean, I don't know how many there are.
01:48:32.000 The real problem is not, like, there's just too many horses.
01:48:35.000 The real problem is there's too many horses that are going onto these people's land that raise cattle.
01:48:39.000 And the horses are grazing probably on the same field as the cattle are, and they're getting pissed off.
01:48:43.000 Yeah, taking the grass.
01:48:44.000 Yeah, that's most likely what it is.
01:48:46.000 If I had to guess, it's just a bunch of greedy cattle guys who don't, you know, they don't want to lose, call them greedy, whatever.
01:48:52.000 They're trying to protect their industry, protect their interests.
01:48:55.000 I understand that.
01:48:56.000 Yeah.
01:48:56.000 But, like, at a certain point in time, we have to step in, I think, as humans and go, okay, is it a bad thing to have these horses?
01:49:03.000 Yeah, what are they herding?
01:49:05.000 They seem pretty cool.
01:49:06.000 It's kind of cool to have wild horses, isn't it?
01:49:08.000 Can we all agree?
01:49:09.000 It's kind of badass.
01:49:10.000 It's beautiful.
01:49:11.000 They seem to be thriving.
01:49:12.000 But they're going to have to figure out a way to manage their population.
01:49:17.000 Because they're not going to get jacked by too many mountain lions the way deer do.
01:49:23.000 This horse is a big animal.
01:49:25.000 And they kick.
01:49:26.000 Oh, yeah.
01:49:27.000 I mean, I'm sure a mountain lion could kill a horse, don't get me wrong, but I don't think that'd be a lot of fun for the mountain lion.
01:49:33.000 No, it's 30 of them?
01:49:35.000 Yeah.
01:49:36.000 Do you think they'd back each other up?
01:49:38.000 I think the horse would back their horse up.
01:49:40.000 They do in Africa.
01:49:42.000 It's a different hood.
01:49:43.000 It's a different hood.
01:49:44.000 But it is still cats and prey, you know, carnivores and herbivores.
01:49:50.000 The buffaloes in Africa, they gang up and they go after lions when lions are attacking one of their own.
01:49:56.000 Oh yeah, I've seen that.
01:49:57.000 It's wild to see, right?
01:49:58.000 Yeah.
01:49:59.000 And I was little.
01:50:00.000 My parents had a ranch in Mexico.
01:50:01.000 I used to have a horse.
01:50:03.000 People love horses, man.
01:50:05.000 Yeah, I didn't know how to tend to it, but I used to ride that fucker once in a while.
01:50:08.000 Did you know that Aztecs were so tripped out by horses, they used to cut their heads off too?
01:50:14.000 Really?
01:50:15.000 Yeah.
01:50:16.000 Why?
01:50:17.000 Because that was their ritual.
01:50:19.000 They were offering blood to the sun god.
01:50:22.000 Whoa.
01:50:23.000 So they would cut your head off, and then throw you down those steps, and then...
01:50:29.000 When Cortez came, that's what they did to the people at the end, and they did it to the horses.
01:50:33.000 Well, when Cortez came, wasn't that the first time they had ever seen a person on a horse?
01:50:38.000 Exactly.
01:50:38.000 They thought the person was a part of the horse?
01:50:39.000 Yes.
01:50:40.000 Yeah.
01:50:41.000 They had blue eyes.
01:50:42.000 Isn't that crazy?
01:50:43.000 Imagine that.
01:50:44.000 You've never seen someone ride a horse.
01:50:47.000 No one's ever ridden an animal.
01:50:48.000 They've never seen a horse.
01:50:49.000 Right.
01:50:49.000 Then all of a sudden these dudes showed up riding animals.
01:50:52.000 On a boat with like jackets on and shit.
01:50:55.000 That would be like the...
01:50:57.000 You would be the biggest baller ever in the world.
01:51:00.000 You pulled up in a boat and you stepped off the boat on a horse.
01:51:04.000 You know?
01:51:05.000 You got a sword.
01:51:06.000 You're like, who is this fucking dude?
01:51:08.000 Can you imagine?
01:51:09.000 Those days must have been so crazy.
01:51:12.000 Yeah.
01:51:13.000 And you know, the crazy part is they say that Cortez tripped out when he was like, these fuckers have irrigation perfect, there's sewers perfect, everything's built perfect, but why are they cutting people's heads off and throwing these guys down the steps?
01:51:28.000 Well, if you look at the Mayan pyramids and some of the Aztec architecture that they developed in that part of the world, like they were on some crazy level that very few civilizations have ever been on.
01:51:39.000 The Mayan temples all aligned constellations, or at least most of them do.
01:51:44.000 So they had some sort of a deep knowledge and understanding of what they were seeing in the solar system.
01:51:48.000 There's also a lot of evidence apparently that they understood about the wobble, like the earth has a wobble called the procession of equinoxes and this wobble, it's like the earth doesn't spin in a perfect circle.
01:52:00.000 The earth spins in this like 26,000 year wobble.
01:52:04.000 I think it's 26,000 years, but the point is it doesn't spin perfectly and the stars change their position in the sky depending upon where in that cycle you are.
01:52:14.000 Well the Mayans knew that!
01:52:16.000 They had outlined that.
01:52:18.000 I mean, they developed some sort of a calendar that's as accurate, if not more accurate, than the calendar we use today.
01:52:26.000 They had figured out some crazy shit.
01:52:29.000 Yeah, in prison, that was like the thing you study.
01:52:32.000 It was crazy.
01:52:33.000 I have a couple of tattoos of gods from the Aztec.
01:52:37.000 This is a certain god.
01:52:39.000 They're all certain gods.
01:52:41.000 And yeah, it's all in that calendar.
01:52:42.000 It's pretty crazy.
01:52:43.000 I got the god on my chest of the day I was born on the year.
01:52:47.000 What god is that?
01:52:51.000 Xochipotla.
01:52:51.000 It's weird because he was like, he's a wolf.
01:52:53.000 I feel weird looking at your nipple, but I'm going to let go because it's good art.
01:52:56.000 Is that a prison one?
01:52:58.000 Yeah.
01:52:58.000 Wow.
01:53:00.000 That's good work.
01:53:01.000 Yeah, this guy was solid right here.
01:53:03.000 He was with the business.
01:53:05.000 There's a few moments in history that I would really love to go back and just live in an invisible, bulletproof bubble and just be able to sit in the middle of a town and just watch these people.
01:53:16.000 But one of the big ones...
01:53:17.000 I think if I had to choose one, I think I'd have to take the Egyptian pyramid days.
01:53:23.000 I would love to see what the fuck that looked like.
01:53:25.000 But right up there is...
01:53:26.000 I went to Chichen Itza.
01:53:29.000 I went to the...
01:53:30.000 Where is that?
01:53:31.000 It's in...
01:53:32.000 It's like Cairo.
01:53:33.000 Real close to Cancun.
01:53:37.000 It's like maybe an hour and a half outside of Cancun.
01:53:39.000 Oh, okay.
01:53:39.000 Mexico.
01:53:40.000 Yeah, Mexico.
01:53:40.000 It's the Yucatan, right?
01:53:42.000 Yes, Yucatan.
01:53:42.000 There's a couple of them down there.
01:53:44.000 There's a couple of different sites that have these Mayan ruins.
01:53:49.000 But we went to Chichen Itza.
01:53:50.000 And you're walking around and you're like, what the fuck?
01:53:54.000 Inspired them to do this This is that was the the pyramid that we went up.
01:53:58.000 Yeah, and you got to realize we're talking more than a thousand years ago They built this fucking thing and why why do you do it?
01:54:07.000 Like what is that?
01:54:08.000 They were really infatuated by the Sun.
01:54:10.000 Yeah, and they would always like they felt when that you gave the Sun blood Because they were so scared of dark.
01:54:17.000 They always wanted light and Look at that structure.
01:54:21.000 I remember going there and seeing that and going, who the fuck are these people?
01:54:25.000 Why'd they do this?
01:54:27.000 Perfect construction.
01:54:28.000 Every joint, it's locked in.
01:54:30.000 Our construction nowadays can't lock joints how those joints are locked in.
01:54:34.000 Well, they did an amazing job, that's for sure.
01:54:36.000 The engineering is impeccable.
01:54:38.000 Because we're looking at it in perfect form, essentially, except for a little bit of wear, more than a thousand years later.
01:54:43.000 And it's just beautiful.
01:54:45.000 Like, when you look at the construction of it and you walk around and you're like, this is some serious engineering.
01:54:50.000 And it's on the highest site, so no flooding.
01:54:52.000 Yeah.
01:54:53.000 Like, it's the way it faces the sun.
01:54:56.000 Yeah.
01:54:56.000 They killed a lot of fucking people there.
01:54:59.000 On that thing right there, that was where they would cut dude's fucking hearts out.
01:55:02.000 Yeah.
01:55:03.000 Right on top of that guy.
01:55:04.000 They would do it right on top of his...
01:55:06.000 He's like a little tray for human sacrifices.
01:55:09.000 He's actually a god.
01:55:10.000 That's what it's for.
01:55:10.000 He's actually a god.
01:55:11.000 They believe that he took those hearts into the underworld.
01:55:14.000 Dude, you should check it out.
01:55:16.000 It's some pretty bad drawings.
01:55:17.000 Well...
01:55:18.000 I had a guide when I was there.
01:55:20.000 We hired this guide who was a professor at a local university, and he doubled as a guide, and he'd give you a historical lesson about the entire place.
01:55:28.000 It was amazing, man.
01:55:30.000 It was amazing, because this guy knew so much about Mayan history, and he also said that they were really into eating psychedelic plants.
01:55:38.000 He said that there was this place that would go that something had like lysergic acid in it, which is like one of the elements in LSD, apparently.
01:55:47.000 What does LSD stand for?
01:55:50.000 Lysergic...
01:55:51.000 But a lysergic acid is in there.
01:55:53.000 But he was saying that they believed that whatever they had was some sort of a psychedelic LSD-like compound.
01:55:59.000 And they had this room.
01:56:00.000 And he took us to this room where they would do it in.
01:56:03.000 Yeah, they had like a specific room in one of the structures.
01:56:07.000 This specific room where they would do their psychedelic rituals.
01:56:10.000 They were tripping their balls off.
01:56:12.000 That's how they saw that shit.
01:56:13.000 Yeah, they're cutting people's heads off.
01:56:15.000 Have you ever seen Apocalypto?
01:56:17.000 Yeah.
01:56:18.000 The little kids right there telling mom, hurry up!
01:56:21.000 And it's like, what the fuck is going on?
01:56:23.000 Yeah.
01:56:25.000 That's a crazy time in the world.
01:56:27.000 I would love to see that time.
01:56:30.000 What's your other one?
01:56:31.000 You said Mayan, and then you said the Egyptian.
01:56:34.000 You said you wanted to go to another place.
01:56:36.000 Another time.
01:56:37.000 Genghis Khan.
01:56:38.000 Oh, yeah?
01:56:39.000 You want to be around with that shit?
01:56:40.000 I want to see that.
01:56:41.000 I want to see what the fuck that was like.
01:56:43.000 To take them on or to join?
01:56:45.000 No, no, no, no.
01:56:45.000 To watch, see how crazy life was back then.
01:56:48.000 I wouldn't want to live.
01:56:49.000 I wouldn't want to live in any of those times.
01:56:51.000 But I would want to, if I could ever, if someone does legitimately one day come up with a time machine and say, it's like, dude, it's 10 grand, but you can go back and go to Egypt for like an hour.
01:57:00.000 You got a PayPal ahead of time?
01:57:01.000 Yeah, I mean, people would totally save up.
01:57:04.000 I mean, think about it.
01:57:05.000 It costs a couple thousand bucks if you're going to go to Hawaii, right?
01:57:08.000 Like, plane fare and hotel room and then your food.
01:57:11.000 You know, you're into it, right?
01:57:12.000 Yeah, no, 10 grand, but for how long are you gone?
01:57:15.000 An hour.
01:57:15.000 One hour.
01:57:16.000 One hour in Egypt.
01:57:16.000 Fuck, I like this.
01:57:17.000 One hour in Egypt during, like, some sort of a ceremony and actually be there and get a chance to see it.
01:57:22.000 When Moses was in the river and shit.
01:57:24.000 Fuck!
01:57:26.000 Imagine what it would be like to see those sacrifices that, like, when they built...
01:57:32.000 What was it?
01:57:33.000 The pyramid of...
01:57:34.000 How do you say it?
01:57:35.000 Teotihuacan?
01:57:36.000 How do you say that?
01:57:37.000 The Aztec pyramid?
01:57:38.000 See if you can find that.
01:57:40.000 They killed 80,000 people inside of a few days in sacrifices.
01:57:50.000 It's the religion, the belief, and...
01:57:54.000 There was nothing to do, but yeah, fuck.
01:57:57.000 I don't know.
01:57:58.000 But stop and think of that number.
01:57:59.000 80,000 people.
01:58:01.000 And I believe it was within a few days.
01:58:03.000 I think they killed all the people that worked on the pyramid.
01:58:06.000 All the slaves that worked on the pyramid.
01:58:08.000 All of them got the knife.
01:58:12.000 They didn't want to pay Social Security.
01:58:16.000 They were the first ones that were like, these motherfuckers are getting work comp or nothing.
01:58:20.000 How insane is that time of life?
01:58:23.000 Like, that humans had agreed to that.
01:58:27.000 That that was gonna be, that was the plan.
01:58:29.000 We got these slaves, we got them to build this thing, then we're gonna cut their hearts out, right?
01:58:33.000 We're cool with this, right?
01:58:34.000 Everybody's on board?
01:58:35.000 Yeah, yeah, definitely.
01:58:36.000 Let's cut their hearts out.
01:58:37.000 Like, this is people.
01:58:39.000 This is human beings.
01:58:40.000 This is a totally different time in the world And really not that long ago.
01:58:45.000 Yeah, and it's kind of weird because it's like they didn't even care if there was no more people left.
01:58:50.000 How do they know there's not other people left?
01:58:52.000 Right, right.
01:58:53.000 They might be the last people.
01:58:55.000 Damn.
01:58:56.000 Cutting 85,000 dudes or 80,000 dudes' hearts out.
01:59:00.000 Imagine the guys that had to clean up all that shit, though.
01:59:03.000 80,000 bodies.
01:59:04.000 Ooh, I bet they did a shitty job.
01:59:06.000 How about that?
01:59:07.000 I bet they weren't very motivated.
01:59:08.000 They're gonna fucking kill me too, man.
01:59:10.000 Yeah.
01:59:11.000 Take your time, bitch.
01:59:12.000 Take your time.
01:59:13.000 I mean, how is the body cleaner...
01:59:14.000 Well, that was one of the things they said about Genghis Khan, that when Genghis Khan died, they buried him, and then they killed all the people that buried him, and then they killed the people that killed the people that buried him.
01:59:27.000 Fuck!
01:59:27.000 That's a super hit!
01:59:29.000 Gah!
01:59:29.000 Angster!
01:59:30.000 That's as gangster as it gets!
01:59:32.000 You kill everybody.
01:59:33.000 Everybody that has any idea where he's buried.
01:59:35.000 So no one could ever find the Great Khan.
01:59:38.000 So only the guy that ordered the hit knows, huh?
01:59:41.000 Even he doesn't know.
01:59:43.000 Fuck!
01:59:43.000 Everybody's dead.
01:59:44.000 The people that ordered, they killed them, too.
01:59:46.000 They killed everybody.
01:59:47.000 So no one knows.
01:59:48.000 No one knows where it is.
01:59:49.000 I just would've burned the body in acid.
01:59:51.000 And they're like...
01:59:52.000 Good call.
01:59:54.000 No, I think they have to, they have rituals.
01:59:56.000 Like, I think, you know, in order to, if you're a Mongol, in order to make it to the next stage of life, you probably have some, they probably have some crazy rituals.
02:00:05.000 Yeah, you're gonna come back with a motorcycle.
02:00:08.000 But that point in history seems like it would be pretty insane.
02:00:11.000 They said that Genghis Khan killed like 10% of the, there was a New York Times article about it, that he killed 10% of the world's population and He apparently changed the carbon footprint of the human race, meaning it killed so many fucking people.
02:00:29.000 There was less soot in the air.
02:00:31.000 There was less carbon because of fires.
02:00:34.000 It changed the way the foot, what our residue on Earth is when they do those coarse samples.
02:00:43.000 That's insane, man.
02:00:45.000 You gotta, if anybody listened to this, if you haven't, you might have heard this before, but I have to say it to people that haven't.
02:00:50.000 Hardcore history.
02:00:51.000 There's a guy named Dan Carlin.
02:00:52.000 He was on last week.
02:00:53.000 He's fucking awesome.
02:00:54.000 He's the best ever at, like, doing history podcasts.
02:00:58.000 The guy's a monster.
02:00:59.000 Him and Daniele Bolelli.
02:01:00.000 He's awesome, too.
02:01:02.000 He's got a series on the Genghis Khan days called The Wrath of the Khan.
02:01:06.000 It's a five-part series.
02:01:08.000 You can get it on iTunes.
02:01:09.000 It's like...
02:01:10.000 $1.99 a show or something like that, but they're hours and hours long folks there I can't I can't it used to be free But he does like the first X amount of free and then because he only does them like it takes months to put one of these out It's not like asking someone to pay for a regular podcast.
02:01:26.000 It's like an audiobook Okay.
02:01:28.000 Does he go out to all these places?
02:01:30.000 I don't think so.
02:01:31.000 I mean, I don't know.
02:01:31.000 He studied the Mongols ever since he was in college.
02:01:35.000 He wrote a report about it.
02:01:37.000 It was part of the podcast series that he does on it.
02:01:42.000 He talks about his history with the history of the Mongols, but...
02:01:45.000 It's amazing.
02:01:46.000 And that's what got me excited about the Mongols and starting to check it out.
02:01:49.000 I just would love to see what crazy points in time looked like.
02:01:56.000 How as humans, how we evolved with thinking and fighting and shit like that?
02:02:00.000 I mean, there's levels of craziness in this world right now, right?
02:02:03.000 Like somewhere, there's some dudes that are working as slaves making blue jeans for some company, right?
02:02:08.000 I mean, and they're prisoners.
02:02:10.000 There's that world.
02:02:11.000 There's a world that you experience when you're in the county and a riot breaks out.
02:02:14.000 This world's very different than the world that most people experience.
02:02:18.000 But our world itself, like all the variables that we know that are possible, whether it's prison or war or all these things that we know to be possible, they're very different than it was 1,000 years ago or 2,000 or whatever the Egypt was 4,500 plus years ago that they were building the Great Pyramid apparently.
02:02:35.000 Yeah, fucking life would have been crazy.
02:02:37.000 Insane.
02:02:38.000 I mean, I can't even imagine.
02:02:39.000 When they say the Great Pyramid, I think they said it's 2,500 B.C. is when they carbon test it, like some of the stuff in it, which is...
02:02:48.000 4,000 plus years ago, you'd have to like hold your head.
02:02:52.000 You would hurt your head to think of how long ago that was.
02:02:55.000 Hundreds and hundreds of years and people living and dying and change occurring and things and the climate shifts and the, you know, the earthquakes, catastrophe.
02:03:05.000 So many things, man.
02:03:06.000 So much craziness.
02:03:07.000 And it's so long.
02:03:08.000 And if you go that far back...
02:03:11.000 These motherfuckers built some insane shit that we can't barely build today.
02:03:16.000 We would have to have a team of engineers from all over the world with the biggest cranes ever to try to put together one of those in just a decade or two decades.
02:03:27.000 Imagine, like, the machines wouldn't even work in that climate.
02:03:30.000 They wouldn't even know how to adjust to the sand.
02:03:32.000 They'd have to make better machines.
02:03:33.000 I mean, it could be done.
02:03:35.000 I think it could be done, but it's not simple.
02:03:38.000 What they did was so spectacular, and the idea that they did it 2,500 BC, 4,500 plus years ago.
02:03:45.000 That's fucking crazy.
02:03:46.000 It's hard to imagine.
02:03:48.000 They did that shit before Jesus.
02:03:50.000 I would love to see it, man.
02:03:51.000 I would love to see it.
02:03:52.000 I would just love to see what it looked like back then.
02:03:55.000 Like, what happened?
02:03:56.000 Like, the first day they were done?
02:03:57.000 Imagine how that?
02:03:58.000 Just what it would be like to live in that era.
02:04:01.000 Like, what were their markets like?
02:04:02.000 How smart were they?
02:04:03.000 Like, I would love to be able to speak their language and talk to one of them from back then.
02:04:07.000 Because I just think that someone who builds that, they must have been insanely smart.
02:04:12.000 Insane.
02:04:13.000 Insane.
02:04:14.000 But also, I mean, I agree with what you're saying, but they were kind of like assholes because didn't they have slaves as well?
02:04:19.000 No, that was a common misconception.
02:04:21.000 They thought that they had slaves until pretty recently, but now they realize by the quality of the food and the pottery that they had in their shelters that they were highly paid workers.
02:04:32.000 That's the new theory.
02:04:33.000 The new theory is to get someone to build something like that.
02:04:36.000 See, the thing is...
02:04:38.000 It's so hard to know.
02:04:39.000 They might have been slaves that were taken care of really well.
02:04:42.000 It's so hard to know, because it's so long ago, and they're basing it just on pottery and bones, like the type of food that they ate.
02:04:48.000 They ate well.
02:04:49.000 But you'd have to eat well if you're moving these giant stones, too.
02:04:52.000 It would be within your best interest to keep your slaves super healthy.
02:04:56.000 They have to move stones all day.
02:04:58.000 And it's funny, because we just have a theory of how they did it with ropes.
02:05:02.000 Yeah.
02:05:02.000 How did they really do it?
02:05:03.000 We don't know.
02:05:04.000 There's a bunch of different theories.
02:05:06.000 Making ramps and stuff.
02:05:07.000 None of them are really very good.
02:05:09.000 Because I think none of them address the possibility that they had some kind of technology or understanding that we don't have anymore.
02:05:18.000 Whether it's some sort of a machine they created or some sort of a lever system they created.
02:05:22.000 It is entirely possible that, like, when you're talking about your time in prison, or people making tattoo guns out of...
02:05:28.000 Wire and you know taking something from a broom and sharpen it and sterilizing it and making the soot and doing it for days like that kind of ingenuity just in three years of prison imagine three thousand plus years of people trying to get by And make do during this weird time where there's no electricity,
02:05:47.000 there's no engines, there's no...
02:05:49.000 They have the same kind of mind that you have today, that I have today.
02:05:54.000 They're like modern people, but they lived in this time where there was no modern inventions.
02:05:59.000 And they figured out how to make pyramids.
02:06:02.000 On point.
02:06:03.000 And then I guess there's like...
02:06:05.000 They say that the way that the sun hits a certain thing in there...
02:06:11.000 Well, some of them, yeah, but it depends on what time of year.
02:06:14.000 Again, because of that precession of the equinoxes, the way the Earth wobbles, it depends on what time of year, it depends on what year the cycle is.
02:06:23.000 This precession of the equinoxes also points to the fact that that Sphinx, at one point in time, probably, I think, somewhere like 10,500 years ago, faced the Sun.
02:06:34.000 Face the constellation Leo.
02:06:36.000 So there's a reason why the lion was facing in that direction.
02:06:40.000 Because they had apparently the zodiac constellations.
02:06:42.000 Even like way as back as the Sumerians.
02:06:46.000 I think they had all the signs of the zodiac way back then.
02:06:50.000 Like they had the fish and the lady with the scales, all that jazz.
02:06:54.000 I'm pretty sure they had those constellations way, way, way the fuck back then.
02:06:58.000 That's it.
02:06:59.000 Yeah, it's like you said.
02:07:00.000 Dude.
02:07:01.000 I could barely put my tent up.
02:07:05.000 That's not true, man.
02:07:06.000 You were talking about, you know, living in prison, adapting.
02:07:09.000 You would adapt everywhere.
02:07:10.000 Yeah, but, like, see...
02:07:13.000 It's weird.
02:07:13.000 You made me understand something.
02:07:14.000 That's why I was kind of like, to me, I feel like they were in prison, too.
02:07:17.000 The only reason I adapted to it was because I had nothing else to do but what was there.
02:07:22.000 Yeah.
02:07:22.000 So, like, they have, like, what's there.
02:07:24.000 But, like, now that, like, I have all this...
02:07:26.000 My friend told me this.
02:07:27.000 He goes...
02:07:28.000 Sorry, I talk weird.
02:07:29.000 I jump in and out.
02:07:30.000 He goes, Hey, dog, when you're in prison...
02:07:35.000 Right.
02:07:37.000 Right.
02:07:52.000 The trap.
02:07:53.000 Yeah.
02:07:53.000 So, fuck yeah.
02:07:55.000 I could imagine that they were just like, there's nothing else to do.
02:07:58.000 Let's build a pyramid.
02:08:00.000 Yeah, and the world was a prison.
02:08:02.000 I mean, think of how barbaric the world was 4,500 plus years ago.
02:08:07.000 How barbaric was the world?
02:08:09.000 How was the weather?
02:08:11.000 Do we have proof of how the weather was?
02:08:13.000 They think that up until around 9,000 BC, it was a tropical rainforest, which is really interesting.
02:08:25.000 Oh, wow.
02:08:26.000 Yeah.
02:08:26.000 They think that it resembled the same rainforest you see in the Amazon.
02:08:31.000 They think it was a beautiful rainforest.
02:08:32.000 But the climate shifted, for whatever reason.
02:08:35.000 And that's one of the main arguments that the Sphinx is way older than people think it is.
02:08:40.000 It's because it has all this water erosion all throughout the outside of it.
02:08:44.000 It's a very hotly debated issue.
02:08:46.000 There's some archaeologists that refuse to believe it because that would indicate that it was made somewhere, not just 9000 BC, but thousands of years before that because it has thousands of years of water erosion on it.
02:08:58.000 They think that erosion is wind and sand.
02:09:01.000 It's a real hotly debated subject, and I'm not really smart enough or educated enough to make a call either way, but when I look at it, and you listen to geologists like this guy, Dr. Robert Schock from Boston University, kind of staked his reputation on it, because he's received a lot of criticism,
02:09:17.000 but he's like, this is thousands of years of rainfall that's made this erode like this.
02:09:21.000 Yeah, it's in your face.
02:09:23.000 Which means they built that thing thousands of years even before that.
02:09:27.000 Like, we want to think that the Egyptian civilization neatly arrived around 2500 BC. And there's no way it could be any earlier than that because, you know, people just back then didn't know anything.
02:09:37.000 Well, how the fuck did they know how to do it then?
02:09:39.000 Exactly.
02:09:40.000 That doesn't make any sense either.
02:09:41.000 Like, it doesn't make less sense that people knew how to do it at 9000 BC. It's all crazy.
02:09:47.000 Whatever they did was amazing.
02:09:49.000 Yeah, and they lived like ballers.
02:09:50.000 They always had gold.
02:09:51.000 They have gold everywhere.
02:09:53.000 You know what I mean?
02:09:55.000 Yeah, look at King Tut.
02:09:56.000 Like, look at their sarcophagus.
02:09:58.000 Is that it?
02:09:58.000 Sarcophagus?
02:09:59.000 Covered in fucking gold leaf and shit.
02:10:01.000 They were great artists.
02:10:02.000 Oh, yeah.
02:10:03.000 Well, they wrote in symbols.
02:10:05.000 They had these weird ways of writing where they, like, images were symbols.
02:10:11.000 So, you know, we look at a word, like you look at the word sandwich.
02:10:16.000 Okay, see those letters laid out, and they have an image in your mind, and that becomes your form of language.
02:10:21.000 That's your written language.
02:10:22.000 But they had an image-based language, so it's a very different way of thinking.
02:10:29.000 Like, so did the Mayans had another one.
02:10:32.000 Yeah.
02:10:54.000 So instead of conveying pure intent, instead of anything you're saying conveying pure intent, there's this giant variable of what you can and can't say, what you should and shouldn't be able to say, what is offensive to some people, what you think is okay because you feel this and you feel that.
02:11:14.000 There's so much going on with the English language.
02:11:16.000 But you've got to think that if your language was based In images, it would probably have a different feel to it.
02:11:23.000 I would wonder what that feel would be like.
02:11:26.000 That's interesting how you said that, yeah, because we sound shit out and others like, no, this is what it means.
02:11:31.000 They must have, they obviously have a spoken language that's really weird, too.
02:11:35.000 I don't know what the Egyptians spoke.
02:11:37.000 I want to say they probably spoke Egyptian.
02:11:39.000 What the fuck did they speak?
02:11:41.000 If you ask people, like, what did the Egyptian, the ancient Egyptians speak, you'd be like, ooh, I never thought of that.
02:11:46.000 Yeah.
02:11:47.000 Egyptian?
02:11:48.000 It'd have to be.
02:11:49.000 Well, apparently they had a gigantic library, the Library of Alexandria, and it was burned a long, long time ago.
02:11:56.000 Coptic.
02:11:57.000 Oh, there it is.
02:11:58.000 Okay.
02:11:59.000 Until late 17th century AD, the form of Coptic.
02:12:03.000 It was Egyptian.
02:12:04.000 Okay.
02:12:05.000 The national language of modern-day Egyptian is Egyptian Arabic, which gradually replaced Coptic as the language of daily life.
02:12:12.000 That's bizarre, right?
02:12:14.000 Oh, after the Muslims' conquest in Egypt, Coptic is still used as the liturgical language of the Coptic Church.
02:12:26.000 Wow, Coptic, huh?
02:12:28.000 I would have had a hard time with that word, too.
02:12:31.000 What is this?
02:12:31.000 King Tut's dagger made from iron from the sky.
02:12:33.000 Oh, yeah.
02:12:34.000 They found a dagger that was King Tut's that came from a meteor.
02:12:38.000 They took a meteor and hammered it out.
02:12:41.000 Yeah, but there's a guy who does that today.
02:12:44.000 He makes custom knives made out of meteors.
02:12:47.000 If you Google Anthony Bourdain had a knife made out of a meteor, How do you get the meteor?
02:12:54.000 Well, you can collect them.
02:12:56.000 There's enough of them land in places where people have collected them, and you can actually buy meteorites.
02:13:01.000 Yeah, it's literally iron from space.
02:13:05.000 So they take this iron from space, and I want to say his name is Klein, Klein Knives, but he's Steve Klein?
02:13:12.000 Is that his name?
02:13:13.000 No, that's not his name.
02:13:16.000 Kramer, that's it.
02:13:17.000 Steve Kramer.
02:13:18.000 Bob Kramer.
02:13:19.000 Steve Klein is an awesome pool cue maker.
02:13:21.000 My bad.
02:13:23.000 This Bob Kramer guy.
02:13:24.000 How did they melt it, like, at a certain degree?
02:13:26.000 Yeah, they put it inside of this crazy furnace, and see, this is what he's doing here.
02:13:31.000 Scroll down there so we can look at it.
02:13:32.000 There we go.
02:13:33.000 That's him hammering down These bars of steel that came from a meteorite.
02:13:40.000 And that's how they make a knife.
02:13:42.000 They take it and they keep hammering it and they keep throwing it to the fire and hammering it.
02:13:46.000 This guy, Bob Kramer, does it all himself.
02:13:50.000 I mean, he does it like the old school way, obviously with new equipment, but it's all from the beginning.
02:13:57.000 Like, he takes the metal and crafts it and turns it into this insane looking knife.
02:14:03.000 And at the end of the day, I mean, you're cutting your food with a meteor.
02:14:07.000 Some from space.
02:14:09.000 That's insane.
02:14:11.000 Dude, iron from space.
02:14:11.000 Apparently it's one of the things that we're most terrified of when it comes to asteroids.
02:14:17.000 It's that some asteroids are just made out of iron.
02:14:20.000 And it'll just slice right through.
02:14:22.000 Just imagine an asteroid that's the size of Manhattan and it's all iron.
02:14:28.000 And it's coming at us 45,000 miles an hour.
02:14:34.000 Boom!
02:14:37.000 And it just rips the ocean in half.
02:14:39.000 I think they said that if an asteroid that size, like the one that killed the dinosaurs, the one that hit the Yucatan, they said that within seconds, it was miles deep into the Earth.
02:14:53.000 Miles deep.
02:14:55.000 That's...
02:14:56.000 Like, that's how...
02:14:57.000 That's fucking...
02:14:59.000 Miles deep.
02:15:03.000 Imagine...
02:15:03.000 Just imagine that, like, the impact that something has to have...
02:15:09.000 See, that's...
02:15:10.000 No, something the size of a city to go miles deep in the earth within seconds.
02:15:16.000 That's I would want to see that for some like my sick mind I would want to see that just to look down to see what's in there Yeah, I've seen those animated ones they do online you get a look at like an ad but you know that's not really happening It doesn't really have the same effect like you're okay.
02:15:32.000 Yeah, I get it.
02:15:32.000 I get that's what it would look like But I think seeing it happen seeing that thing coming down What's fucked up is man you look up at the moon and it's just covered in craters and Covered.
02:15:45.000 You go, well, the moon is just, man, why does the moon keep getting hit?
02:15:48.000 We keep getting hit, too!
02:15:50.000 We're just covered in plants and shit.
02:15:51.000 We don't see it anymore.
02:15:53.000 We got water and plants that have made us forget.
02:15:56.000 The moon doesn't have an atmosphere, too, so it burns up.
02:15:58.000 We lose a lot of the asteroids that are coming in because of the atmosphere, or the asteroids, meteorites, whatever they are, meteors.
02:16:06.000 But the moon doesn't have any of that shit, so it comes crashing down.
02:16:09.000 But I just think that we've been hit a bunch of times.
02:16:13.000 We've been hit a bunch of times.
02:16:14.000 We just forgot.
02:16:16.000 I've never even thought of that.
02:16:17.000 I'm tripping out on that right now.
02:16:18.000 I know this weed's good, but I'm fucking like, whoa, it's crazy.
02:16:24.000 Tweed's very good.
02:16:24.000 And speaking of the moon, remember the Mayans discovered that the rabbit was on the moon?
02:16:30.000 Have you seen that?
02:16:30.000 That's their signal.
02:16:32.000 They say there's a rabbit face on the moon.
02:16:34.000 There probably is.
02:16:35.000 Don't we always see the same side of the moon, too?
02:16:37.000 The moon doesn't spin, correct?
02:16:39.000 I don't think it does.
02:16:41.000 I think the moon does not spin.
02:16:43.000 The moon faces us the same way all the time.
02:16:46.000 Pretty sure.
02:16:48.000 So, that would make sense.
02:16:50.000 The man on the moon.
02:16:52.000 There was some science thing from a long time ago, man, where they thought they saw canals on Mars.
02:16:57.000 They were convinced when they first started looking at Mars, there was canals.
02:17:00.000 And they were like, holy, yeah, that's what they thought.
02:17:02.000 They thought they were not right, you know, but they were like, holy shit, we're looking at a civilization on Mars.
02:17:08.000 Like, people were preparing themselves to make contact with the Martians.
02:17:11.000 I trip out on us as humans.
02:17:13.000 We always want to go find something else and go kick it with something else.
02:17:17.000 It's like, fuck that.
02:17:18.000 I know there's someone over there.
02:17:19.000 I know there's someone at Mars we keep knocking, but we won't open.
02:17:22.000 I know.
02:17:23.000 Yeah, I remember one time I had this thought where I was just like, what if humans are so smooth that we've already been on Mars and Saturn and all that and we just fuck them up so we can't live there no more and that's why we're here and that's why we keep looking.
02:17:38.000 For other ones to fuck up.
02:17:40.000 Well, if we found someone over there and they talk shit, we'd definitely fuck them up.
02:17:44.000 That's a fact.
02:17:45.000 You tell them we would fuck up people in Afghanistan, we wouldn't fuck up people on the moon?
02:17:49.000 Does the moon rotate?
02:17:50.000 Yeah, it does.
02:17:50.000 It does.
02:17:51.000 It spins.
02:17:51.000 Oh, wow.
02:17:51.000 It's a synchronous rotation.
02:17:53.000 Oh, it spins as we spin.
02:17:56.000 So we don't see it spinning?
02:17:57.000 Oh, interesting.
02:17:58.000 So we see the same side every time.
02:18:00.000 Yeah, that's one of those flat Earth things that I was going to add in.
02:18:03.000 It doesn't spin.
02:18:04.000 The moon orbits the Earth once every 27.322 days.
02:18:09.000 It also takes apparently 27 days for the moon to rotate on its axis.
02:18:13.000 As a result, the moon does not seem to be spinning, but appears to observers from Earth to be keeping almost perfectly still.
02:18:21.000 Scientists call this synchronous rotation.
02:18:22.000 That's cool.
02:18:24.000 That's fucking cool.
02:18:25.000 How does all that happen and stay in sequence and just rock and roll?
02:18:29.000 I fucking love it.
02:18:30.000 Well, how does it float up there?
02:18:31.000 How come it's not landing on our fucking head?
02:18:34.000 None of it makes sense.
02:18:36.000 Like, explain that.
02:18:37.000 How come the fucking asteroids come flying in, but the moon just hovers?
02:18:41.000 What if the moon just decided to jack us?
02:18:44.000 You haven't paid your light bills forever, motherfuckers, and takes off.
02:18:48.000 Yeah.
02:18:49.000 But they say that the moon is like a residue of when the Earth was created.
02:18:53.000 That there was Earth-1...
02:18:54.000 The scientists have a model of Earth-1 and Earth-2.
02:18:57.000 And Earth-1 was like this giant ball of fire and gases.
02:19:02.000 And we got hit with another planet.
02:19:03.000 Like in the early days of development of the Earth.
02:19:06.000 Like another planet collided with Earth.
02:19:09.000 And that's what created the moon.
02:19:10.000 And that's what stabilized its orbit.
02:19:12.000 And that's the reason why apparently we can survive...
02:19:15.000 Because if it wasn't for the moon, we wouldn't have a steady atmosphere.
02:19:18.000 We wouldn't have a steady temperature.
02:19:19.000 We wouldn't have a steady orbit.
02:19:21.000 It would vary too widely, and we would have never developed.
02:19:24.000 We'd all be like tardigrades in the bottom of the ocean or some shit.
02:19:27.000 Some weird little indestructible nuclear single-cell, multi-celled organisms or something.
02:19:33.000 That is fucking crazy.
02:19:36.000 Yeah, what's the matter?
02:19:37.000 What's the matter, Jamie?
02:19:38.000 I'm trying to find that.
02:19:39.000 The only thing that comes up when I type in Earth 1 and Earth 2 is a lot of stuff about DC Comics.
02:19:44.000 Oh, no, it was from...
02:19:46.000 No, no, no.
02:19:47.000 It was Earth 1 and Earth 2. They actually talked about it in the Sumerian text, which is really kind of fascinating.
02:19:55.000 The Sumerian text talked about Earth's collision.
02:19:58.000 There was a thing called the planets Tiamat and Marduk, and they collided, and they created Earth, and also created the Moon.
02:20:08.000 What's interesting about that is that they had figured this out, 6,000-something years ago.
02:20:14.000 Like, this is even older than the pyramids.
02:20:17.000 Oh, yeah?
02:20:18.000 Yeah, it's really old.
02:20:19.000 The ancient Sumerians were the oldest as far as, like, what we currently know of as an...
02:20:25.000 You know, it changes all the time.
02:20:27.000 They find new stuff all the time.
02:20:29.000 But as far as what the archaeologists know of today, it's the oldest written language, the oldest mathematics.
02:20:35.000 Like, a gang of that stuff is thought to be from that part of the world.
02:20:39.000 So the same part of the world...
02:20:41.000 Also knew about all the planets in the right orbit, in the right size.
02:20:46.000 It's really strange.
02:20:48.000 Without a telescope?
02:20:49.000 Dude!
02:20:49.000 We don't know what they knew.
02:20:50.000 Yeah.
02:20:51.000 They might have had a...
02:20:52.000 They had these drawings in clay tablets where they had to picture the sun, and they would picture it would have Earth, it would have Venus, it had Jupiter, all these planets.
02:21:01.000 Like, the big ones were where the big ones were, the smaller ones were the small...
02:21:04.000 I mean, they're the right size.
02:21:06.000 It's crazy.
02:21:07.000 Right.
02:21:07.000 Like, how the fuck did they know this?
02:21:09.000 It's kind of like they're like, alright, make a ride over there and go, like if they were going somewhere.
02:21:13.000 It's almost like they somehow or another could see them.
02:21:18.000 How they could see them, I don't understand.
02:21:21.000 I don't know what they figured out.
02:21:23.000 But they figured out something.
02:21:24.000 What is this, Jamie?
02:21:25.000 This is Zachariah Sitchin's, or a diagram of what he described happened.
02:21:31.000 See, there's a problem with Sitchin, though.
02:21:33.000 I'm obviously not a fucking scholar, but the ones who are, they go over his stuff, and a lot of them don't agree with it.
02:21:39.000 And there's an actual website, it's called SitchinIsWrong.
02:21:42.000 It might be.org or.com, and it's all, like, poking holes.com.
02:21:47.000 His stuff is fun as fuck though.
02:21:49.000 It's fun to believe because he thinks that we were created by aliens.
02:21:52.000 He thinks aliens came from a planet called Nibiru and they came down here and they did genetic manipulations with lower primates and they created human beings.
02:22:02.000 That's pretty crazy.
02:22:03.000 It's the best.
02:22:04.000 It's so fun.
02:22:07.000 I trip out on how people say that the Egyptians were having sex with aliens because of the old hieroglyphs they found.
02:22:13.000 Like, they have aliens with their penises out with, like, civilization.
02:22:17.000 I think you might have been reading some websites.
02:22:21.000 For real?
02:22:21.000 Yeah.
02:22:22.000 They had alien penises in the hieroglyphs?
02:22:24.000 Yeah.
02:22:25.000 I thought I'd seen it all.
02:22:27.000 No, I read a book in prison called The Biggest Secret by David Eckstein or Eckstein, something like that.
02:22:33.000 And they show you the pictures in there.
02:22:37.000 Wow.
02:22:37.000 I haven't seen that.
02:22:39.000 Yeah.
02:22:39.000 Hmm.
02:22:40.000 Was it David Icke?
02:22:41.000 It wasn't David Icke.
02:22:43.000 It might have been.
02:22:43.000 It's been a long time.
02:22:44.000 It was just because you only got certain books, but...
02:22:47.000 David Icke's that guy that thinks it was him.
02:22:49.000 I don't even know if he thinks this anymore, but he used to think that the top leaders of the world were all reptilians.
02:22:55.000 Yes, that's the guy.
02:22:56.000 That's the guy, yeah.
02:22:57.000 I don't think that's correct.
02:23:00.000 I'll just tell you what I tripped out on.
02:23:05.000 Those are three times for sure that I would want to go back to.
02:23:08.000 If you had to choose a place in time where you could go back and just check it out, what would it be?
02:23:13.000 Me?
02:23:17.000 I'd want to go back to the dinosaur time.
02:23:20.000 Ooh, that good call.
02:23:21.000 I fucked up.
02:23:22.000 I should give up one of mine for dinosaurs.
02:23:24.000 I gotta give up Genghis Khan for the dinosaur days.
02:23:26.000 Nah, Genghis Khan's gangster too.
02:23:29.000 I gotta give up somebody.
02:23:30.000 Yeah.
02:23:31.000 I definitely want to go back.
02:23:33.000 I don't know, just to...
02:23:34.000 Fuck, dude.
02:23:35.000 It was their land.
02:23:38.000 And then just because I'm Mexican, I'd want to go back to like the...
02:23:44.000 When Cortez came to Yucatan.
02:23:51.000 That time.
02:23:51.000 The Montezuma days.
02:23:53.000 Yeah.
02:23:54.000 Yeah.
02:23:54.000 Oh, yeah.
02:23:55.000 You know what's crazy, man?
02:23:56.000 Whenever they're building shit in Mexico City, they're always, like, digging into the ground, and they gotta halt construction.
02:24:01.000 Stop!
02:24:01.000 Stop!
02:24:02.000 They find something all the time.
02:24:03.000 They find some shit.
02:24:03.000 They found a temple.
02:24:04.000 They find jewelry.
02:24:05.000 They find something.
02:24:06.000 It's all over the place up there.
02:24:08.000 I guess there's this new airplane that shoots.
02:24:12.000 It's like, you know how you could do an ultrasound on a body?
02:24:14.000 The airplane radar does an ultrasound on the dirt or whatever, the floor, the ground.
02:24:19.000 And they're trying to find temples over there now.
02:24:22.000 Eddie Bravo was right.
02:24:23.000 The Zappanus was raised from the sky to try to find money.
02:24:26.000 That's what it is.
02:24:26.000 He was just wrong with the method.
02:24:29.000 Man, I think there's a gang of shit under there, but it's crazy because it's not that long ago.
02:24:33.000 No, it's not.
02:24:34.000 You know what I mean?
02:24:35.000 Cortez was what?
02:24:36.000 That was the 1400s?
02:24:37.000 When did Cortez come here?
02:24:38.000 I would say the 1400s.
02:24:41.000 And then the reason that the temples ain't even there no more is because Catholicism took it out.
02:24:45.000 Catholicism came in and then they buried the temples and built churches over the temples.
02:24:50.000 Isn't that crazy?
02:24:50.000 Like, they built churches over the...
02:24:52.000 That's a big thing in Egypt, too.
02:24:54.000 They're finding, like, one period of construction, and then on top of that period of construction, there's some newer, more modern shit.
02:25:02.000 And as they go on to the modern shit, they're like, oh, they built the modern shit on top of the older shit.
02:25:06.000 Like, what the fuck were they doing?
02:25:08.000 But they did it a gang of times in history, they think.
02:25:11.000 Well, are we doing it right now?
02:25:13.000 Like, aren't we building a new coliseum over the old fucking coliseum?
02:25:17.000 Yeah, that's what we do.
02:25:17.000 We tear down houses.
02:25:19.000 People literally buy what they call a teardown house.
02:25:21.000 You buy a house that's run down, but it's on a nice lot.
02:25:24.000 And, you know, it's a big investment, honey, but I think a teardown's the right move.
02:25:28.000 You tear down that house and build a beautiful house in that spot.
02:25:31.000 And it has an original foundation.
02:25:33.000 Yeah, man, that's a sad thing because when I was doing construction on the East Coast, you would run across these buildings that had these old-school nails.
02:25:41.000 Their nails were...
02:25:43.000 Like galvanized, right?
02:25:43.000 Well, they were like a wedge.
02:25:46.000 It wasn't like a circle with a straight line.
02:25:49.000 Like, you know, a nail has a point at the end of it, but then it's a perfect kind of a perfect cylinder all the way up to the top and it's got a flat head.
02:25:56.000 Yes.
02:25:57.000 These old nails weren't like that.
02:25:58.000 These old nails were like a wedge.
02:26:00.000 It was like a steel wedge because they were making them in a blacksmith.
02:26:03.000 So the nails had like a top flat part where you could hammer it in, but instead of having like a long, straight...
02:26:11.000 It was actually a wedge, and the pointy end was the bottom of the wedge, and they would tap it in like that.
02:26:17.000 That's what a nail was back then.
02:26:19.000 So when I was doing construction, and you would pull these nails, you could tell when you were going into an old-ass building.
02:26:25.000 Yeah, that's what it looked like.
02:26:26.000 See how that looks like?
02:26:27.000 That's an old nail.
02:26:29.000 I see those.
02:26:30.000 I pulled a gang of those out of buildings when I was a kid.
02:26:33.000 But it's kind of sad, in a way, because these houses that were made this way, like someday, people would love to see that and go, whoa, this is like a piece of history.
02:26:44.000 Yeah.
02:26:47.000 With the way they would do the insulation, too.
02:26:50.000 They have this white shit that was in between these boards.
02:26:55.000 They didn't have fiberglass back then or anything.
02:26:59.000 It was like this white plastery shit.
02:27:01.000 It wasn't like pink?
02:27:02.000 No.
02:27:03.000 The pink stuff's the fiberglass stuff.
02:27:05.000 Okay.
02:27:05.000 That's the stuff that you have to put in attics and shit.
02:27:08.000 Yeah, you did that hard construction, that inside that house, gut shit.
02:27:12.000 Inside the house is not fun if you're doing an attic.
02:27:14.000 I did an attic once.
02:27:15.000 Fuck that.
02:27:16.000 That had the fiberglass shit in it.
02:27:18.000 You get it in your skin.
02:27:19.000 You get all itchy.
02:27:21.000 Everywhere you're itchy.
02:27:22.000 And you sweat.
02:27:23.000 And your sweat opens up your pores and the fiberglass shit gets in there.
02:27:27.000 Can I ask you a question?
02:27:28.000 When you were stripping the nails from the wood, why were you taking the nails out?
02:27:32.000 We were working.
02:27:33.000 We were tearing something down.
02:27:34.000 Okay.
02:27:34.000 Putting something in its place.
02:27:35.000 I don't remember whether or not it was a remodel or whether or not they were putting an addition on or something like that.
02:27:42.000 But whenever you'd have to go into the walls of these buildings, you could tell right away because they had these...
02:27:47.000 I forget what you would call those long, thin boards that were stacked on top of each other.
02:27:52.000 As soon as you go through the plaster, you feel the plaster, and you would know it's an old house.
02:27:55.000 Because it was like a plaster instead of a wallboard.
02:27:58.000 When you go to a new house, they have that wallboard stuff, which is gypsum board.
02:28:02.000 It's kind of thin.
02:28:03.000 It doesn't have a lot of mass to it.
02:28:05.000 And then behind that, you would have all the other stuff, and then insulation and shit.
02:28:09.000 But in these old houses, it wasn't like that.
02:28:11.000 It was like these...
02:28:13.000 We call them thin just really thin long boards and in between was this white plastery shit and there was plaster over the outside like shingles like long like shingles but like little thin boards like you know like not even a half inch thick by like maybe an inch or so wide and they had those kind of nails that put them into the studs I got you now Yeah,
02:28:35.000 and so you'd pull those nails out, and you'd always recognize them, like, wow, this is an old fucking house.
02:28:39.000 Because New England was an old place, you know?
02:28:42.000 I mean, you could go to New England today and see there's graves that you could visit that are from, like, the 1700s.
02:28:48.000 Yeah, they have a gravestone.
02:28:49.000 They're still there?
02:28:50.000 Yeah, they're still there.
02:28:51.000 You know, it's slowly but surely the numbers are getting more eroded by the atmosphere and stuff, but it's still there.
02:28:56.000 You can still read them.
02:28:57.000 Some of them are kind of faint.
02:28:59.000 You think in 100 years, like, they're going to have to, like...
02:29:03.000 Discover a new method for burying us because it's stupid to bury people.
02:29:07.000 It's stupid.
02:29:08.000 The only reason why you should bury people well, it's also what we're doing is we are We're keeping the natural process of us becoming useful to the world Because like when things die those things are absorbed by the environment.
02:29:23.000 There's a system in place set up and I mean, if you just buried someone, if you just opened up a hole, put them in the ground, and buried them, the natural course of order would take place.
02:29:33.000 The bacteria in their body would break down their body.
02:29:36.000 The soil would absorb their body.
02:29:38.000 They'd become fertilizer, like every animal has from the beginning of time.
02:29:43.000 But we're so weird.
02:29:44.000 We want to fill our dead bodies up with some shit that keeps them from rotting.
02:29:48.000 And then we put makeup on them and dress them up in their best clothes.
02:29:52.000 Like my grandfather, when he died, they put one of those crucifixes with the...
02:29:57.000 What are those things called?
02:29:58.000 The crucifix with the rosary.
02:30:00.000 With the rosary about...
02:30:01.000 And I'm like, he never even went to church.
02:30:03.000 Like, what are you doing here?
02:30:04.000 Like, what is this?
02:30:05.000 And he's clutching his face.
02:30:07.000 He's got this...
02:30:08.000 He's so...
02:30:09.000 There's no feel to him.
02:30:11.000 You know, he's gone.
02:30:12.000 Yeah.
02:30:12.000 And they're going to take him, and they're going to put him in a box, and then they're going to bury it in the ground.
02:30:17.000 And it's probably, you could go dig it out today.
02:30:19.000 If I probably wanted to go in there today, his body's still in there.
02:30:22.000 Because there's things, they don't rot.
02:30:24.000 Because they're filled up with formaldehyde and all crazy.
02:30:27.000 It's real weird.
02:30:29.000 The only reason why it makes sense is to prove murder cases and shit like that.
02:30:32.000 I mean, that's about it.
02:30:35.000 Maybe if the death is weird.
02:30:36.000 If the death is weird, you should probably be like...
02:30:39.000 You know?
02:30:41.000 Yeah, it's an evil crazy thought.
02:30:42.000 Like, yeah.
02:30:43.000 We can't prove it, yeah.
02:30:44.000 But something went down.
02:30:45.000 Because they've caught people for murders by going and digging up the bodies and finding arsenic in their system or something like that.
02:30:51.000 They've done that.
02:30:52.000 That's weird, though.
02:30:53.000 But, like, I don't know.
02:30:54.000 It's kind of like, dude, case closed.
02:30:55.000 Homies, I should have got away with it now.
02:30:57.000 If you buried him, you can't bring him back.
02:30:59.000 Yeah, but if they catch you.
02:31:01.000 See, you're thinking like a convict.
02:31:03.000 If they catch you, they catch you.
02:31:05.000 You didn't get away.
02:31:06.000 No, no, no.
02:31:07.000 I beat the game.
02:31:08.000 He's in the ground.
02:31:09.000 I win.
02:31:09.000 Come on.
02:31:10.000 What the fuck?
02:31:11.000 It's a barbaric way.
02:31:14.000 It's an inhumane way.
02:31:16.000 It's not a smart thing.
02:31:17.000 It's a custom.
02:31:18.000 Plus, it's a giant racket.
02:31:21.000 It's a huge financial racket.
02:31:23.000 Joey Diaz is the first one to explain that to me.
02:31:26.000 He goes, Doc, The worst fucking racket that nobody ever talks about.
02:31:31.000 Funerals.
02:31:32.000 Think about it.
02:31:32.000 What the fuck are you gonna do?
02:31:34.000 What the fuck are you gonna do?
02:31:35.000 You're gonna spend that money, dawg.
02:31:36.000 Yeah.
02:31:37.000 And he goes in that cheap box.
02:31:38.000 It's like, what, a thousand dollars, two thousand dollars?
02:31:41.000 You gotta pay the funeral costs.
02:31:42.000 You gotta pay for the service.
02:31:44.000 He's explaining everything.
02:31:45.000 You have to have a plot of land.
02:31:47.000 I'm like, what?
02:31:47.000 Oh my god, I never thought about that.
02:31:49.000 He's like, it obliterates people.
02:31:51.000 It obliterates them.
02:31:52.000 It puts them in massive debt.
02:31:54.000 Thousands of dollars in debt like that.
02:31:56.000 Yeah, and it's mandatory and it's mandatory I mean, I guess there must be some sort of programs in place to take care of bodies when people can't afford anything I mean, I would imagine there is but Just the practice itself the fact that it's not just common.
02:32:09.000 It's standard.
02:32:10.000 That's the standard practice It's a crazy way to take care of bodies man.
02:32:13.000 It's ridiculous Yeah, like I remember like telling my kids like a if there's any way you can make it happen I want to be buried in this fucking backyard right here If you could make it happen, but then they're going to go to jail.
02:32:26.000 Yeah.
02:32:27.000 Isn't that crazy?
02:32:28.000 Yeah.
02:32:28.000 I guess there's like certain walls.
02:32:31.000 Well, there should be because if you have a well and you put your body and your body rots into that well, it gets people sick.
02:32:41.000 People have died from that.
02:32:42.000 So that is something.
02:32:49.000 Oh, Jesus!
02:33:03.000 Stairs over top of it.
02:33:05.000 It's a really, really weird spot.
02:33:07.000 It's so strange.
02:33:08.000 Jesus.
02:33:10.000 You know what else is strange?
02:33:11.000 Your voice coming through that shitty wire.
02:33:13.000 I checked it before and it worked even earlier.
02:33:15.000 It was working fine.
02:33:16.000 I need to just replace this.
02:33:17.000 Okay.
02:33:18.000 No worries.
02:33:19.000 It is weird though, right?
02:33:21.000 Yeah, man.
02:33:22.000 It's a strange thing when you drive by this beautiful plot of land and it's all these cement stones sticking out of the ground.
02:33:29.000 It's also weird, too, that it has to be public.
02:33:32.000 Your dad has to be buried in some giant field with all these other people's dead people.
02:33:38.000 Like, why?
02:33:39.000 Why do we have to all be together in death only?
02:33:42.000 Death only you get a small spot and then a couple feet over is another person and you have to be buried in these areas where we designate that people go to cry and drop flowers.
02:33:53.000 It is goofy as fuck.
02:33:57.000 It's one of those things that just always we've always done it that way so we don't stop and think like what kind of...
02:34:02.000 It's kind of like marriage.
02:34:04.000 It's the same shit.
02:34:04.000 Similar.
02:34:06.000 Both of them you keep to the death.
02:34:07.000 Yeah.
02:34:10.000 It's just weird that nobody does anything else.
02:34:13.000 You could not get married if you choose to.
02:34:15.000 If you go, you know, fuck marriage, man.
02:34:16.000 I don't want to be legally entangled with some person.
02:34:19.000 If I want to break up with them, I just want to be able to just leave.
02:34:22.000 I want to have my own choice.
02:34:23.000 Yeah, I can't do that to death.
02:34:25.000 Well, that's kind of the same way, like, when people die.
02:34:27.000 Like, you have to give them...
02:34:28.000 You have to do something.
02:34:29.000 You have to either cremate them, or you have to...
02:34:31.000 And I think even when you cremate them, I think you have to do the formaldehyde thing first.
02:34:35.000 Yeah.
02:34:35.000 I'm kind of scared.
02:34:36.000 I kind of told my kids I want them to cremate me, too.
02:34:39.000 Because I was...
02:34:40.000 I don't want to be maggots eating meat and shit like that.
02:34:42.000 No?
02:34:43.000 No, I don't know.
02:34:44.000 That's the way to go.
02:34:45.000 Maggots is the way to go.
02:34:46.000 The way to not go is the fucking formaldehyde.
02:34:49.000 Because the formaldehyde, like, whatever use that you would have...
02:34:53.000 For all the organisms that would normally devour any sort of dead living creature, a creature that becomes dead, they don't get to eat anymore.
02:35:03.000 For some reason, we've decided that they don't get to consume your body, like your body is more important.
02:35:09.000 Than all the other things that it consumes.
02:35:11.000 We're part of the eco.
02:35:12.000 It's one more way that we've separated ourselves from the system, this natural system that we're in.
02:35:18.000 We're delusional.
02:35:20.000 Like, we think we're not a part of this system because we have houses and air conditioning and I go to the supermarket for my food.
02:35:26.000 We're a part of the system, for sure.
02:35:28.000 It's one more way we separate ourselves.
02:35:30.000 Imagine if animals had cemeteries and shit.
02:35:34.000 That would be fucked up.
02:35:35.000 There'd be no room for anything then.
02:35:36.000 They're dying like crazy.
02:35:38.000 Imagine if the cemeteries are just all the birds that cats kill.
02:35:45.000 He would realize what kind of mass murderer monsters you're living with.
02:35:50.000 Everywhere you go, he'd be like, what is going on?
02:35:53.000 Like, this is all the cats killing birds.
02:35:55.000 It's like everywhere.
02:35:57.000 You wouldn't be able to walk.
02:35:58.000 Everywhere you would walk, there'd be like a little gravestone for a bird that was killed by a cat.
02:36:03.000 You know, I agree with you now, as far as like, yeah, man, don't get cremated.
02:36:08.000 It's a made process.
02:36:09.000 You're supposed to go in there, and just, it's the way it goes.
02:36:12.000 I think the problem is diseases, though.
02:36:14.000 I think what they worry about is what we're talking about.
02:36:16.000 But I don't think, if you're, I guess if they formaldehyde you up, and they drop you in the ground, you don't rot, so you don't leak into the water system.
02:36:26.000 You just sort of like, just sit there and Prune up.
02:36:31.000 I don't think you rot for a long-ass time.
02:36:33.000 But if you did rot, I could see that like if you somehow or another got in a water system.
02:36:40.000 Especially if you're dealing with a city, that's when it becomes impractical, right?
02:36:44.000 Because if you're, like, New York City, small spot, less than, what is it like, what does New York have, like, 7 million or 8 million people living in the city, something crazy like that?
02:36:53.000 They're all stuffed into this area, you know, way smaller than L.A. And they're all just jammed in there, right?
02:36:59.000 What would they do if they had dead bodies?
02:37:01.000 They're all stacked on top of each other.
02:37:02.000 What are they going to do with the dead bodies?
02:37:04.000 They almost have to cremate them or have to embalm them.
02:37:07.000 Like, you can't bury them anywhere.
02:37:08.000 You gotta take them out of town?
02:37:09.000 You gotta throw them in the ocean?
02:37:11.000 What are you gonna do?
02:37:13.000 That's crazy.
02:37:15.000 Should be able to throw them in the ocean.
02:37:17.000 Right?
02:37:18.000 Should have a law.
02:37:19.000 Like, you only get out...
02:37:20.000 You gotta be 10 miles offshore.
02:37:22.000 But you're gonna get eaten in there by that...
02:37:25.000 They'll get eaten by crabs.
02:37:27.000 Lobsters and shit.
02:37:28.000 And then, in turn, you'll find a good spot to catch lobsters.
02:37:31.000 Yeah.
02:37:33.000 That's what it used to be.
02:37:34.000 This is how I remember my grandpa.
02:37:36.000 Oh, he made the best stone crabs.
02:37:38.000 We caught stone crabs right where grandpa died, or where we dropped his body off.
02:37:43.000 That's what they did with Osama Bin Laden, right?
02:37:45.000 They chucked him in the ocean?
02:37:46.000 Yeah, that's fucking crazy.
02:37:48.000 It is crazy.
02:37:48.000 That's why I tripped out.
02:37:49.000 I was like, dude, that's...
02:37:50.000 People are like, our president's not black.
02:37:52.000 I'm like, did he kill that fool and threw him over the boat?
02:37:55.000 That's gangster.
02:37:56.000 Who kills someone, takes them in the ocean?
02:37:58.000 Get the fuck out of here, dog.
02:38:00.000 I wonder who made that decision to do it that way.
02:38:03.000 It was a two-day decision.
02:38:05.000 Was it?
02:38:05.000 Because I guess Muslim, they have like a special ritual like two days after their body has to be done something.
02:38:13.000 Oh, interesting.
02:38:15.000 So they did it quick.
02:38:17.000 Yeah, the whole thing.
02:38:18.000 Well, you're not supposed to do that in the Muslim faith.
02:38:21.000 I don't think you're supposed to throw the bodies overboard.
02:38:23.000 I think that's one of the reasons why they did it.
02:38:26.000 That's one of those ones that's going to go down in history.
02:38:29.000 You know, people are going to look back at historical moments that just seem crazy in the future.
02:38:34.000 They just killed him and threw him in the ocean.
02:38:37.000 Ooh, whoa, that's dark.
02:38:39.000 Yeah, I mean, I guess they said they didn't want him to be a murderer.
02:38:42.000 They didn't want a...
02:38:43.000 A martyr, yeah.
02:38:44.000 Yeah, a martyr.
02:38:44.000 Yeah.
02:38:46.000 Yeah, I mean it makes sense, I guess.
02:38:48.000 I mean they would understand it better than I would.
02:38:50.000 I would just be speculating as to what you should and shouldn't do with the body of a mastermind terrorist that you just killed.
02:38:56.000 That you've been looking for for years.
02:38:58.000 That was living in the house.
02:39:00.000 Imagine they just took his brain and they've been working on it.
02:39:03.000 Probably have.
02:39:04.000 What happened to like Saddam?
02:39:06.000 Oh, they hung that motherfucker.
02:39:07.000 I know, but I mean the body like...
02:39:08.000 They probably fed to his dogs.
02:39:10.000 They're smart.
02:39:11.000 I don't know what they did.
02:39:14.000 Well, you know, Saddam, his sons used to have dogs.
02:39:17.000 They would throw people to the dogs and feed them to the dogs.
02:39:20.000 He was like Ramsay Bolton from Game of Thrones, like legitimately.
02:39:24.000 His kids were psychopaths, total murderers, mass murderers.
02:39:29.000 They would find women that were about to get married, take them from their husbands, rape them, and then feed them to the dogs.
02:39:35.000 I think I've seen that in a movie.
02:39:37.000 Yeah, probably.
02:39:38.000 It says they buried his body near the graves of his other family members.
02:39:42.000 Oh, he got lucky.
02:39:44.000 He got lucky.
02:39:46.000 It's a hard part of the world, man.
02:39:47.000 Again, it's like we were talking about.
02:39:49.000 That part of the world, so much different than Santa Monica.
02:39:52.000 Hell yeah!
02:39:55.000 You know, it really all is a perspective thing, isn't it?
02:39:58.000 Yeah, it's a trip.
02:39:59.000 Like...
02:40:01.000 Everyone's all talking about like over there in Saudi Arabia women and women don't have rights women don't do this all women do is cook and clean I was just like just be happy you are where you are They're not tripping.
02:40:14.000 They're living their life over there.
02:40:15.000 Am I against it?
02:40:16.000 Yeah, but they haven't changed what they wanted to do.
02:40:19.000 They might be tripping hard.
02:40:20.000 They just can't do shit about it.
02:40:22.000 I understand that people on the outside look at it and see it's horrible.
02:40:27.000 Because of that, because of people's attitudes, I think that's what changes things.
02:40:33.000 Because people get upset at it.
02:40:34.000 And then that word gets back to them that the rest of the world, chicks can go to school.
02:40:38.000 The rest of the world, they can drive.
02:40:39.000 They don't have to dress up in those outfits.
02:40:41.000 They can do whatever the fuck they want.
02:40:43.000 They're treated just like regular people.
02:40:44.000 Like the rest of the world.
02:40:45.000 Most of the rest of the world.
02:40:46.000 That's where it's going.
02:40:47.000 You guys are stuck in a bad spot.
02:40:49.000 Yeah.
02:40:50.000 Do you see the thing that happened with North Korea?
02:40:53.000 They let the world accidentally opened up their websites?
02:40:56.000 They only have 28 websites?
02:40:58.000 Yeah.
02:40:58.000 I didn't read up on it.
02:41:00.000 I seen like a little glimpse of it.
02:41:01.000 How crazy is that?
02:41:02.000 They have 28 websites.
02:41:05.000 What the fuck, man?
02:41:06.000 Like, what do they have?
02:41:08.000 What the fuck?
02:41:10.000 Did they show, like, what they had?
02:41:11.000 Anything?
02:41:11.000 I don't know.
02:41:12.000 I don't know.
02:41:13.000 I mean, obviously, it's in those Korean symbols.
02:41:14.000 I wouldn't be able to read it, but I don't know if anybody's translated it.
02:41:17.000 What they had.
02:41:18.000 I haven't read that yet, Jamie.
02:41:20.000 Have you?
02:41:21.000 Well, no house has a laptop.
02:41:23.000 No house.
02:41:24.000 They're not allowed to have a personal computer.
02:41:26.000 It says an airline ticket agency for Air Koryo.
02:41:31.000 A website for a group called National Unity.
02:41:34.000 A website for Kim Il Sung University.
02:41:37.000 A website for the Voice of Korea news organization.
02:41:40.000 A news website for the government of North Korea.
02:41:43.000 That place is fucking crazy.
02:41:46.000 That that exists today.
02:41:47.000 That there is a country...
02:41:50.000 That is right next to another country that looks exactly like them.
02:41:54.000 Like North Koreans and South Koreans are fucking Koreans, right?
02:41:57.000 They look super similar, right?
02:42:00.000 It's not like Mexicans and Africans.
02:42:03.000 It's not like two distinctly different looking kinds of people.
02:42:06.000 No, they're like incredibly identical, right?
02:42:09.000 But above them...
02:42:11.000 We're good to go.
02:42:30.000 You got people making the best electronics in the world.
02:42:33.000 Flying kites.
02:42:34.000 Innovation, they're all getting surgery to get their eyes bigger.
02:42:37.000 You ever seen all that shit?
02:42:38.000 No, they're getting their eyes bigger now.
02:42:40.000 Oh, dude.
02:42:41.000 It is a huge problem in Korea is plastic surgery.
02:42:45.000 I shouldn't say huge problem because it's not like they die.
02:42:48.000 They just look different.
02:42:50.000 Plastic surgery is a huge fad in South Korea.
02:42:55.000 So they're not getting their titties done and their ass?
02:42:57.000 They're getting everything done, I'm sure.
02:42:58.000 But one of the things they're doing is they're getting their eyes done so that they look more American.
02:43:02.000 What's the process?
02:43:03.000 Do they cut some of the eyelid?
02:43:05.000 Cut the eyelid.
02:43:06.000 Yeah.
02:43:07.000 How do they...
02:43:08.000 Look, you can see it.
02:43:10.000 That's what they used to look like.
02:43:11.000 That's what they look like now.
02:43:12.000 Look at the girls.
02:43:12.000 No fucking way.
02:43:13.000 The girls, they start looking like anime.
02:43:16.000 It's really strange, man.
02:43:17.000 It's real strange.
02:43:19.000 Like, they become super hot looking.
02:43:22.000 Yeah.
02:43:22.000 Yeah.
02:43:23.000 Even if they wear like not that hot, it's very, it's just a bizarre practice, man.
02:43:27.000 See, that's where they do it.
02:43:28.000 They cut down there and cut down there.
02:43:32.000 And then you see what she looks like when it's all done.
02:43:35.000 But it's, you know, I mean, it's not like, oh, that girl got a lot of work done.
02:43:38.000 She had her chin shaved down and she had her eyes done.
02:43:42.000 Her ears?
02:43:43.000 Yeah, well, I don't know about her ears.
02:43:45.000 They look pretty big still.
02:43:49.000 Plastic surgery is pretty crazy what they can do.
02:43:52.000 They can alter your shape.
02:43:54.000 I see it.
02:43:55.000 Look at that girl.
02:43:55.000 Oh my god.
02:43:56.000 Dude, they shaved the fuck out of her jaw.
02:44:00.000 That's insane.
02:44:01.000 They turned into a hottie.
02:44:04.000 Amazing.
02:44:05.000 Amazing what they can do, right?
02:44:07.000 But apparently it's super common.
02:44:10.000 Super common in Korea.
02:44:12.000 Wow, look at the before and after.
02:44:13.000 That's weird.
02:44:15.000 Yeah, when I mess with a girl now, she don't got no baby pictures, I don't fuck around with her.
02:44:22.000 You need to have some baby pictures, bitch.
02:44:26.000 Yeah.
02:44:26.000 Yeah.
02:44:27.000 Dude, when I used to work at a strip club, I was like, this dude, he was hot.
02:44:31.000 I didn't know he was a dude, but he'd always hug me from the back.
02:44:35.000 And someone was like, hey, dog, this guy right here, he's...
02:44:38.000 I don't know what you're talking about.
02:44:39.000 This girl's a guy.
02:44:40.000 Yeah.
02:44:41.000 This girl was a guy.
02:44:42.000 He was on, like, transsexuals.com, Orange County.
02:44:45.000 And I remember...
02:44:48.000 Her stage name was Monica.
02:44:50.000 And one time I was high and I was like, hey, Monica.
02:44:55.000 I've never ever been like grabbed so hard like that, like thrown out of my chair.
02:45:01.000 Wow.
02:45:02.000 She got aggressive.
02:45:03.000 Yeah.
02:45:04.000 And I remember after that, always saying, hey, dog, I need to see baby pictures of everybody.
02:45:12.000 Yeah, there's some that'll trick you.
02:45:13.000 That's for sure.
02:45:14.000 Yeah.
02:45:15.000 You will never know.
02:45:15.000 Unless they choose to tell you.
02:45:18.000 Like, if you see what they're doing right now with chins and eyes, imagine what they could do to your nether regions.
02:45:24.000 Yeah, it's gonna get crazier.
02:45:25.000 They could conjure up A vagina that looks like a work of art, I'm sure.
02:45:30.000 It's probably like the best in the world.
02:45:33.000 It's probably a guy who's like, you know, the Frank Frazetta of surgical vaginas.
02:45:39.000 Just makes this incredible work of art.
02:45:42.000 Put some memory foam back in and shit.
02:45:46.000 I wonder if they've ever done that.
02:45:47.000 I wonder if anybody's ever had, like, a vaginal implant to make your vagina tighter.
02:45:51.000 You know, like, they'll get boob jobs.
02:45:53.000 Like, you get a breast implant, makes your boobs poke out more.
02:45:55.000 I think there is something like that.
02:45:57.000 The rejuvenation thing?
02:45:58.000 Yeah, but I think they just tighten up the hole.
02:46:01.000 Yeah, like the inside would be better.
02:46:03.000 Yeah, they cut...
02:46:04.000 I think the way they do it, and this is gonna sound horrible, folks.
02:46:06.000 I think they cut you, and then they merge the two sides and stitch you the fuck up, and I think it hurts like a motherfucker!
02:46:15.000 The things people are doing to satisfy each other.
02:46:18.000 Yeah, we need more.
02:46:20.000 Constantly.
02:46:21.000 Constantly.
02:46:22.000 It has to get better.
02:46:22.000 More.
02:46:23.000 More.
02:46:23.000 Tighter, pussy!
02:46:24.000 Make it tighter!
02:46:25.000 It's all I got!
02:46:26.000 It's all I got!
02:46:27.000 Surgery.
02:46:28.000 Time for surgery.
02:46:29.000 Increase in vaginal tightening surgeries worries doctors.
02:46:32.000 Oh my god.
02:46:34.000 Worries them.
02:46:36.000 It's going to make dicks shrink.
02:46:38.000 We should let natural selection take its course.
02:46:41.000 Yeah?
02:46:42.000 I don't know.
02:46:43.000 I mean, who cares?
02:46:46.000 Can they do it?
02:46:47.000 Why not?
02:46:48.000 If I was one of those girls and I had a crazy big fucked up jaw and they shrank it down and all of a sudden I became hot as fuck and everybody wanted to talk to me, I think I'd spend my money wisely.
02:46:56.000 I would go for that.
02:46:57.000 Yeah?
02:46:58.000 I mean, hey, exactly.
02:46:59.000 I mean, if I had to do it, I'd do it too.
02:47:01.000 But isn't it bizarre that there's a very specific shape That we like and we don't like when it comes to people.
02:47:09.000 Whether it's the shape of the nose or shape of the jaw.
02:47:12.000 Like, we agree.
02:47:13.000 Like, this is too much.
02:47:14.000 Too much jaw.
02:47:16.000 Too much jaw.
02:47:17.000 Yeah.
02:47:17.000 Like, there's a lot of variables.
02:47:18.000 Like, long hair.
02:47:19.000 Long hair doesn't bother me.
02:47:20.000 Short hair doesn't bother me either.
02:47:22.000 Either one's okay.
02:47:23.000 Like, those characteristics, we have, like, a lot of room.
02:47:26.000 Oh, she has curls.
02:47:27.000 Oh, okay.
02:47:28.000 Who gives a fuck?
02:47:28.000 Dreadlocks.
02:47:29.000 Whatever.
02:47:30.000 Who cares?
02:47:30.000 She shaves her head.
02:47:31.000 Does she look good?
02:47:31.000 Yeah.
02:47:32.000 Oh, who cares?
02:47:33.000 Who cares?
02:47:33.000 You know what I mean?
02:47:34.000 But like a big jaw.
02:47:36.000 She's got a big jaw.
02:47:36.000 Oh, fuck that.
02:47:37.000 Fuck that.
02:47:38.000 Can't deal with that look.
02:47:40.000 Like that look, for whatever reason, that look freaks us out.
02:47:43.000 Like the hair, it's like inconsequential because it's not, it's a part of you, sort of, but you cut it.
02:47:48.000 You don't even feel it.
02:47:49.000 It's kind of weird that it even grows in the first place.
02:47:51.000 Kind of weird lion's mane.
02:47:53.000 Are you growing off the top of your fucking head?
02:47:55.000 It's weird, right?
02:47:56.000 So we don't care all the variables.
02:47:58.000 Girls can have pink hair.
02:47:59.000 Yeah, they're getting dick with any color hair right now.
02:48:02.000 Yeah, but not with a big jaw.
02:48:04.000 No.
02:48:05.000 Big ass.
02:48:05.000 Like, fucked up shoulders?
02:48:06.000 I think shoulders job is going to be the next one.
02:48:08.000 Too big?
02:48:09.000 Yeah.
02:48:09.000 Too big of shoulders?
02:48:10.000 Like Tommy Hearns type shoulders?
02:48:11.000 Yeah.
02:48:12.000 Like intimidating?
02:48:13.000 Like some Lennox Lewis shoulders?
02:48:14.000 Yeah.
02:48:15.000 Yeah, you don't want that.
02:48:16.000 Like when she's wearing a purse and it's like right by her ear?
02:48:19.000 Ooh.
02:48:19.000 Maybe you want to conquer her, though.
02:48:21.000 Oh, I've had those, dude.
02:48:24.000 I've had those.
02:48:25.000 Yeah?
02:48:25.000 I've had some big chicks in my life.
02:48:28.000 Like gangster bitches that are fine and cool and just fucking ruthless.
02:48:32.000 Gotta be real careful when your girl can kick your ass.
02:48:34.000 Or maybe you can kick your ass.
02:48:36.000 Or at least hold her own.
02:48:37.000 Watch your P's and Q's.
02:48:39.000 I got with this stripper once, I was like 6'3".
02:48:42.000 Oh my god.
02:48:43.000 Yeah, she played volleyball and swam.
02:48:45.000 Wow.
02:48:46.000 And, oh man.
02:48:48.000 I don't, I mean, I'm average size, you know?
02:48:51.000 But, I got manhandled.
02:48:56.000 Like, you know, I was young, we were play wrestling, and I was just, like, thrown, and like, fuck yeah.
02:49:02.000 I just kept my cool with that girl.
02:49:03.000 Wow.
02:49:04.000 Yeah.
02:49:04.000 She was much stronger than you?
02:49:06.000 Yeah, and it was awesome, dude.
02:49:09.000 It was like, yeah.
02:49:10.000 It was like an extra pump.
02:49:13.000 It was weird.
02:49:15.000 Wow.
02:49:15.000 Damn, that shit made my vein pop out.
02:49:17.000 Oh, you're getting excited.
02:49:18.000 Oh, I remember that, bitch.
02:49:22.000 That's super athletes.
02:49:24.000 Yeah.
02:49:25.000 Like a WNBA player.
02:49:27.000 If you get a WNBA player to mate with an NBA player, what kind of super athlete would you get?
02:49:32.000 Like, good lord.
02:49:34.000 Yeah.
02:49:34.000 You know?
02:49:35.000 Or, you know who I met that's a super athlete?
02:49:38.000 What is that volleyball player woman's name?
02:49:40.000 She's very attractive.
02:49:41.000 This is like, uh...
02:49:42.000 The one that...
02:49:43.000 Yes, Gabrielle Reese.
02:49:45.000 She's huge.
02:49:46.000 Giant.
02:49:47.000 Super athlete.
02:49:47.000 If you could get her and mate her up with a Brock Lesnar...
02:49:52.000 Are you kidding me?
02:49:53.000 What kind of super athlete would you do if you could get Gabrielle Reese and Brock Lesnar and mate them together?
02:49:59.000 Shaquille O'Neal and Lisa Leslie.
02:50:01.000 Yes!
02:50:03.000 Super athletes, you know?
02:50:07.000 There's some fucking super athletes out there in the world, too.
02:50:10.000 There's so many athletes that you just go, what?
02:50:13.000 How is that even a person?
02:50:16.000 How is that the same thing as me?
02:50:18.000 The way they're bred now, the way they're taught, the way they're coached, it's crazy.
02:50:22.000 There's kids that are 13 years old taking creatine.
02:50:25.000 My friend's like, hey, can you get money for my son's creatine?
02:50:27.000 He's 13, dog.
02:50:28.000 Why are you giving this kid creatine?
02:50:30.000 I wonder if that's even healthy.
02:50:32.000 That's probably unhealthy.
02:50:33.000 I don't even think 13-year-old kids are supposed to be lifting weights, right?
02:50:36.000 They're only supposed to do, like, calisthenics and things like that?
02:50:40.000 Like, they think that weight itself can actually fuck with their bone growth because their bodies aren't designed to...
02:50:45.000 I wonder if that's been disproven.
02:50:47.000 I wonder if that's been disproven.
02:50:48.000 I don't know.
02:50:49.000 I was just talking with my dad about that the other day literally because there's a kid my age that when we were growing up started lifting a little earlier than everyone else and he just all through high school he fucked everyone up because he was ahead of us all.
02:51:02.000 He was a monster just because of that.
02:51:04.000 And I don't think he would have been smaller now than he was then.
02:51:08.000 His dad's small.
02:51:09.000 He would have been small his whole life anyway.
02:51:11.000 Maybe, huh?
02:51:12.000 Yeah.
02:51:12.000 Who knows?
02:51:14.000 I don't know if it's a bullshit myth or not.
02:51:15.000 See if you can find out.
02:51:16.000 That's the same myth.
02:51:18.000 Don't shoot the ball after you work out.
02:51:20.000 Don't shoot around and messes up your jump shot.
02:51:22.000 No, it's the best thing because you're shooting tired.
02:51:26.000 There's some people that look at it that way.
02:51:27.000 That's what they would say about archery, too.
02:51:30.000 You shouldn't do archery after you lift weights.
02:51:32.000 Because you want to have control of your muscles.
02:51:35.000 And when your muscles are fatigued, it's hard to control them.
02:51:38.000 But you're playing in a fatigue game.
02:51:40.000 Fourth quarter.
02:51:40.000 Yeah.
02:51:41.000 I see both.
02:51:42.000 That was a philosophy in a lot of jujitsu schools.
02:51:45.000 You would do a lot of calisthenics, especially old school schools.
02:51:47.000 You'd do a lot of calisthenics and you'd be fucking completely worn out before you ever start sparring.
02:51:52.000 Oh.
02:51:53.000 So before the beginning of class, push-ups and hip scoots, hip escapes, and go down the mat and back.
02:52:00.000 You'd be doing crab bear walks, walking on your hands and feet, that kind of shit, and you'd get completely exhausted.
02:52:05.000 Push-ups, sit-ups, and by burning you out with calisthenics, you were forced to use technique when you were old.
02:52:12.000 And then you would spar after all that?
02:52:14.000 Yeah, you would do technique, you would do drills, and then you would wind up sparring.
02:52:17.000 But most places don't do it that way anymore.
02:52:20.000 Most places believe the best way to learn is actually to just warm up, do drills, go over the technical aspects of it, and then just spar hard.
02:52:29.000 And that you should be fresh when you're practicing technique.
02:52:32.000 What is that saying?
02:52:33.000 This is an article from Liv Strong.
02:52:35.000 Dismissing the myths.
02:52:36.000 So we could get to the end of it.
02:52:39.000 It basically says that...
02:52:40.000 I'll let you read it.
02:52:42.000 Okay.
02:52:42.000 Contrast with suggestions of stunted growth among young weightlifters, Betsy Keller points out that weightlifting may be more effective than other forms of exercise in promoting bone growth and density among adolescents.
02:52:53.000 Huh.
02:52:53.000 So it actually might be healthier for them.
02:52:55.000 These researchers found that testosterone injections increase both bone length and density, suggesting that weightlifting's impact on testosterone may be beneficial.
02:53:05.000 Huh.
02:53:07.000 Veterans Administration Medical Center supports evidence in a 2008 study.
02:53:12.000 Interesting.
02:53:13.000 The last sentence even says it might allow you to grow taller than you would have.
02:53:17.000 Hmm.
02:53:17.000 Interesting.
02:53:19.000 Hmm.
02:53:20.000 Interesting.
02:53:22.000 Yeah, who knows, man, but you wouldn't want to fuck your kid up.
02:53:24.000 You know, that's the thing.
02:53:26.000 Yeah.
02:53:26.000 Like, I've seen people that have their kids totally jacked at an early age.
02:53:30.000 I'm like, boy, again, like, how much pressure are you putting on that little guy?
02:53:33.000 Is that what he wants to do?
02:53:34.000 Your kid wants to do squats?
02:53:35.000 Yeah?
02:53:36.000 I kind of think they don't.
02:53:38.000 Fuck no.
02:53:39.000 I had all that pressure on me, man.
02:53:41.000 My brother used to wake me up, like, in sixth grade.
02:53:43.000 Come on.
02:53:44.000 Watch.
02:53:44.000 You're gonna go watch the freshman practice.
02:53:46.000 I was like, why do I gotta go to this practice?
02:53:50.000 Old brothers, man, make tough kids, though.
02:53:52.000 Yeah.
02:53:52.000 You look at a kid who's like the youngest brother and he's got a bunch of brothers that fuck with him, those dudes usually know how to handle themselves because you're growing up in a combat situation.
02:54:00.000 Your brothers are fucking with you constantly.
02:54:03.000 Yeah, we're all a year apart.
02:54:06.000 That's terrible.
02:54:07.000 Yeah.
02:54:08.000 That's chaos.
02:54:09.000 This is that little Hercules guy from a couple years ago.
02:54:13.000 Yeah, that guy's too much.
02:54:14.000 That's what he looks like now?
02:54:15.000 He grew up and gave up on him.
02:54:16.000 He gave up on lifting weights?
02:54:17.000 Yeah, there's an Inside Edition story on him last year.
02:54:19.000 Poor little guy.
02:54:22.000 Yeah.
02:54:22.000 Wasn't he on those myostatin inhibitor things or maybe?
02:54:26.000 No, they don't have that like in terms of like a supplement.
02:54:30.000 Some people are born with myostatin inhibitors.
02:54:33.000 It makes you grow much more muscle.
02:54:35.000 Your body doesn't regulate the growth of muscle the way ours does.
02:54:38.000 What do you mean?
02:54:39.000 It's some weird genetic freak that they found in dogs called whippets and some cows that somehow or another when they're breeding these dogs they develop this genetic variation in what's called a myostatin inhibitor and it allows for some strange reason like this is a real dog This is a whippet that has this myostatin inhibitor issue.
02:55:03.000 And these are some cows that have it too.
02:55:05.000 And what it is, is they just grow way more muscle.
02:55:07.000 So look at the size of that cow.
02:55:08.000 It's incredible, right?
02:55:10.000 So they figured out how to do it in mice.
02:55:14.000 Like, they figured out how to introduce these genes to mice, and they developed these mice.
02:55:18.000 They live longer.
02:55:19.000 They're much more muscular.
02:55:21.000 They have more endurance.
02:55:22.000 That's what their bodies look like.
02:55:23.000 Fuck.
02:55:24.000 Yeah.
02:55:25.000 It's really kind of fascinating because it points to this idea that these little animals, through this myostatin inhibitor, are like super animals.
02:55:35.000 They become like super mice.
02:55:36.000 Like, that's what it looked like.
02:55:37.000 Look at that little one on the right with all the muscles.
02:55:40.000 It's crazy, man.
02:55:41.000 It's like a Samoan mouse.
02:55:43.000 It's like a David Tula.
02:55:45.000 Like a stacked up mouse.
02:55:47.000 George, we just did three hours, man.
02:55:49.000 Dude.
02:55:49.000 That's it.
02:55:50.000 It's over.
02:55:50.000 Hey.
02:55:51.000 That was fun, man.
02:55:52.000 Fuck yeah.
02:55:52.000 You got some great stories, man.
02:55:54.000 Thank you.
02:55:54.000 You know, we didn't even tell all of them.
02:55:55.000 There was a gang of them that you were telling the story.
02:55:57.000 We'll have to do it again, man.
02:55:58.000 Yeah, hey, man.
02:55:59.000 You educated me like crazy right now.
02:56:01.000 I was just a weed talking.
02:56:03.000 That's fun, man.
02:56:04.000 And you're going to be in Brea next weekend?
02:56:07.000 Yes.
02:56:07.000 What's the days?
02:56:08.000 October 29th and October 30th.
02:56:11.000 Me and Red Band were doing the late shows at the Brea Improv.
02:56:14.000 Beautiful.
02:56:14.000 Brea Improv is the shit.
02:56:15.000 That should be a really funny show.
02:56:17.000 Yeah, it's great.
02:56:17.000 You're a funny dude.
02:56:18.000 Thank you.
02:56:18.000 Red Band's funny, so that should be a great time.
02:56:20.000 Thanks for coming, brother.
02:56:20.000 Really appreciate it.
02:56:21.000 Thank you.
02:56:21.000 It was a lot of fun.
02:56:22.000 All right, folks.
02:56:23.000 We'll see you next week.
02:56:24.000 Bye-bye.
02:56:26.000 Three hours, dude?
02:56:27.000 Yeah, dude.