The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #855 - Tom Segura & Christina Pazsitzky

00:00:00.000 Tommy, what are you drawing?

00:00:01.000 I'm just writing down in Capisco chairs.

00:00:03.000 Oh yeah, from Ergo Depot.

00:00:06.000 Oh, that's me.

00:00:07.000 How rude of me.

00:00:08.000 ErgoDepot.com.

00:00:10.000 Ergo Depot is the company that provided us with these.

00:00:13.000 I fucking love these chairs.

00:00:15.000 I'm not getting paid for this ad.

00:00:16.000 This isn't even an ad.

00:00:17.000 I just tell people, if you have back issues, get a really good ergonomic chair.

00:00:22.000 It makes a fucking giant difference.

00:00:24.000 Because for me, I'm sitting in this thing when I do podcasts for three hours in a setting and my back doesn't bother me.

00:00:30.000 When I would use a regular office chair, I would sit in it for an hour and I'd start getting knotted up.

00:00:36.000 And when the podcast was over, I'd have to grab a ball and rub my back out.

00:00:41.000 Not with these.

00:00:42.000 And I think it's better for my back.

00:00:44.000 I think it acts, when you force yourself to sit in a good posture, I think it's like an exercise for your back.

00:00:49.000 Let's do it.

00:00:49.000 And the more you do it, I'm super conscious of it now.

00:00:52.000 Because I've always had super bad posture.

00:00:54.000 I used to slump and then lean my head forward.

00:00:58.000 Those are two terrible things that I would do.

00:01:00.000 That's how I sit during our show.

00:01:02.000 Yeah, you have bad posture.

00:01:03.000 I practically lay down.

00:01:04.000 So bad.

00:01:04.000 It looks terrible, too.

00:01:06.000 You know, I would do it when I would write, too.

00:01:08.000 And it would bind up in the top of my back.

00:01:10.000 So if I'd write for a few hours, I'd be like, oh.

00:01:13.000 But ever since I got these things, man, you know what else is really good?

00:01:16.000 A ball.

00:01:17.000 Just one of those blow-up balls.

00:01:19.000 To sit on those?

00:01:20.000 Yeah, those workout balls.

00:01:21.000 Do you find that it carries over to, like, when you sit somewhere else now, you have better posture because of it?

00:01:25.000 Yeah, this is how I sit now.

00:01:27.000 I try to, at least.

00:01:28.000 Except for whatever reason, I don't enjoy television like this.

00:01:33.000 You gotta slouch.

00:01:34.000 Yeah, if I'm watching Narcos, I gotta have like feet up, I gotta be kicked back.

00:01:38.000 Do you love it?

00:01:39.000 Isn't season two so good?

00:01:41.000 God, it's so good.

00:01:42.000 There's rumors about the next three or four seasons what they're gonna do.

00:01:45.000 How are they gonna do that?

00:01:46.000 Because supposedly, as you would say, they're supposed to do, the rumor was that they're gonna go do a Miami season because now the whole cartel battle goes to Miami and like Griselda Blanco and stuff.

00:02:01.000 She's my favorite!

00:02:03.000 And then season four or five would be how the Mexican cartels took over.

00:02:10.000 Oh my god.

00:02:11.000 And like El Chapo and stuff.

00:02:12.000 Oh, of course.

00:02:13.000 My uncle.

00:02:14.000 Billy Corbin, my friend who's been on this podcast before, is a guy who made cocaine.

00:02:18.000 Oh, I know Billy.

00:02:18.000 You know Billy.

00:02:19.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:19.000 Cocaine Cowboys 1 and 2. If you haven't seen them, just stop what you're doing.

00:02:24.000 They're amazing.

00:02:25.000 You watch that documentary and you just go, what the fuck?

00:02:28.000 Yeah.

00:02:28.000 Unfortunately, he's a Miami graduate, but he's a nice kid.

00:02:32.000 Is this a Florida rivalry talk?

00:02:34.000 Of course.

00:02:34.000 Y'all guys got Florida rivalry?

00:02:37.000 You want to talk some shit?

00:02:37.000 Yeah.

00:02:39.000 He's lucky.

00:02:39.000 They're good this year.

00:02:41.000 We'll see.

00:02:42.000 I have no idea what you're talking about.

00:02:43.000 Wait, is that the one with Griselda and her suitor and their love story?

00:02:47.000 Yes, that's number two.

00:02:48.000 That was so cool.

00:02:49.000 Jamie Cosby or something like that.

00:02:51.000 His name was Cosby.

00:02:52.000 Really?

00:02:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:02:53.000 The guy that ends up...

00:02:55.000 Like falling, you know, whatever.

00:02:57.000 Seeing her while she's locked up in Cocaine Cowboys 2. His last name was Cosby.

00:03:01.000 I remember that.

00:03:02.000 Oh, that's right.

00:03:03.000 He was the guy that was like her boyfriend outside, but she found out he was banging other chicks and she got real pissed.

00:03:09.000 And when he started seeing her, he was like, I just want to make money and I'm trying to move weight.

00:03:13.000 And she was like, what do you want?

00:03:14.000 And he's like, a kilo.

00:03:15.000 And she had someone drop off like five kilos to start it off.

00:03:19.000 And he was like, oh my God.

00:03:20.000 And then that dude was really trafficking.

00:03:22.000 It's a real love story.

00:03:23.000 Yeah, it's a beautiful story.

00:03:25.000 Oh, look at that.

00:03:25.000 Yeah, there it is.

00:03:26.000 There it is.

00:03:27.000 Bill Cosby's son.

00:03:28.000 Charles Cosby.

00:03:29.000 Slinging that good dick.

00:03:31.000 How much to bang Griselda?

00:03:34.000 He must...

00:03:35.000 Listen, for that guy, that's the goddamn lottery.

00:03:38.000 Yeah.

00:03:39.000 It was.

00:03:40.000 Yeah.

00:03:40.000 You get hard for her.

00:03:42.000 You'll figure out a way.

00:03:43.000 This is all pre-Viagra, too.

00:03:45.000 And they're doing coke.

00:03:46.000 Look at the making out there.

00:03:47.000 Ooh.

00:03:48.000 Good for her.

00:03:49.000 Yeah.

00:03:50.000 Yeah.

00:03:50.000 Griselda was so fucking crazy.

00:03:54.000 Yeah, dude.

00:03:55.000 She's bad.

00:03:55.000 I never heard that story until...

00:03:58.000 There's so many pictures.

00:03:59.000 Until Cocaine Cowboys.

00:04:01.000 I had never heard of this.

00:04:02.000 Never heard it either.

00:04:03.000 So good.

00:04:04.000 Such a good documentary.

00:04:05.000 She got killed just a couple years after she got out.

00:04:08.000 She went back to Columbia.

00:04:09.000 Mm-hmm.

00:04:09.000 Got killed.

00:04:10.000 She went back and they had pictures of her out on the street.

00:04:13.000 That's perfect, right?

00:04:14.000 J-Lo's gonna play her.

00:04:15.000 Yeah, she looks exactly like her.

00:04:17.000 What?

00:04:19.000 J-Lo has a perfect face.

00:04:21.000 Yes.

00:04:21.000 Look at that face.

00:04:22.000 She really does.

00:04:23.000 No wonder why she's so needy.

00:04:25.000 Yeah.

00:04:26.000 She's carrying around the Willy Wonka golden ticket.

00:04:29.000 You better listen, bitch.

00:04:30.000 Look at his face!

00:04:32.000 Look at his ass!

00:04:34.000 It's kind of crazy to have that much power.

00:04:37.000 That girl, she's like a hypnotist.

00:04:41.000 If she stares at you, you'd be like, I mean, me and my wife aren't getting along that good.

00:04:52.000 She just gets to leave.

00:04:54.000 She's so hot.

00:04:56.000 I mean, come on, man.

00:04:58.000 Yeah, and she's been doing it for a minute, too.

00:05:00.000 She's like 50 years old.

00:05:02.000 No.

00:05:02.000 J-Lo?

00:05:03.000 She's in her late 40s.

00:05:04.000 Gotta be.

00:05:05.000 Wow.

00:05:05.000 And she's a dime piece.

00:05:07.000 You know what I just remembered about Griselda from that documentary is that she named her son Michael Corleone.

00:05:11.000 Oh!

00:05:12.000 Did she really?

00:05:13.000 Yeah.

00:05:14.000 Wow.

00:05:15.000 That's a really good name for a kid.

00:05:16.000 We were thinking of naming our next child Carl's Jr. Yeah, that'd be kind of a good name.

00:05:20.000 I don't know if this is true or if it's just a rumor, but the rumor was that J-Lo's boyfriend, who's this 28-year-old handsome dancer fella, he wanted to go to the UFC, and she told him that he had to come with her to some charity thing in New York, and he said, no, I'm going to the fights, and she broke up with him.

00:05:36.000 Whoa.

00:05:37.000 Whoa.

00:05:38.000 She tells you what to do.

00:05:39.000 Yeah.

00:05:40.000 She tells you where to go.

00:05:41.000 You gotta go with her.

00:05:42.000 Yeah, of course.

00:05:43.000 You have to go with her.

00:05:45.000 That's her little, you know...

00:05:47.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:05:48.000 Lapdog.

00:05:49.000 Background dancer.

00:05:50.000 You're here to fuck me, look good, and you come to charity events.

00:05:54.000 That's the deal.

00:05:55.000 Those relationships get super weird in the 60s.

00:06:00.000 Like, once you get to Griselda's age, that's when those relationships get real.

00:06:04.000 You mean as the hot woman?

00:06:05.000 When the woman no longer is hot.

00:06:07.000 Yes, I think your life falls apart.

00:06:09.000 If that's all you've banked on your whole life, you don't, you know.

00:06:12.000 Yeah.

00:06:13.000 If someone's 20, 30 years younger than you.

00:06:15.000 Well, it's not just that, right?

00:06:17.000 I mean, if your entire thing is based on what you look like, if that's all you've really paid attention to and that's what you really rock, it's just that.

00:06:24.000 Not your personality, not your enjoyment, or your hobbies or anything like that.

00:06:31.000 Not only is it taken away from you, but you've had it your whole life, so you're accustomed to people approaching you and communicating you with extreme niceness and kindness and desire, and men are just tripping over themselves to be with you.

00:06:46.000 You have a magic potion that you put on.

00:06:49.000 Not only does that go away, but you become repulsive.

00:06:53.000 Right.

00:06:54.000 Yeah, as it all starts to...

00:06:56.000 It gets weird.

00:06:56.000 And if you can't buy into it, if you want to extend your ears, then you start getting your face cut open.

00:07:02.000 Yeah.

00:07:02.000 You start getting weird shit done.

00:07:04.000 You start getting your lips done.

00:07:06.000 You have a mouth that goes ear to ear.

00:07:09.000 Yeah.

00:07:09.000 Like, they keep pulling their face back until their mouth keeps growing.

00:07:12.000 Yeah, I think there's a certain something to surrendering to your age, right?

00:07:16.000 It's a far better alternative.

00:07:19.000 A far better alternative to be the dignified older woman who hasn't had her face fucked up.

00:07:26.000 Yeah, a handsome older woman.

00:07:27.000 That's what I'll be.

00:07:30.000 It's just a thing that we haven't...

00:07:35.000 Even if you've been...

00:07:36.000 I guess they've probably been doing surgery on people's faces for like 20 years or 30 years, right?

00:07:41.000 How long ago do you think they started?

00:07:43.000 I think probably between 30 and 40 years.

00:07:46.000 Yeah, what, the 80s?

00:07:47.000 You're still an early adopter.

00:07:49.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:50.000 Well, you see, like, now the move is, if you're going to do that, it's the mild, right?

00:07:55.000 It's the type of the facelift or the nose job where you go, something looks different, but you can't tell.

00:08:01.000 That's a primo job.

00:08:03.000 Yeah.

00:08:03.000 When you see somebody and you're like, Jesus Christ.

00:08:05.000 Yeah.

00:08:06.000 Oh, my God.

00:08:07.000 Look at this.

00:08:09.000 Egypt, 3000 BC, so you're close.

00:08:11.000 Two years before we go.

00:08:13.000 70s, whatever.

00:08:14.000 I don't trust, like, Botox and shit.

00:08:17.000 I know they're like, it's fine.

00:08:18.000 You can inject botulism into your face with no repercussions.

00:08:22.000 How could it be fine?

00:08:22.000 It's not.

00:08:23.000 It can't be fine.

00:08:24.000 It can't be fine.

00:08:25.000 It's got to be toxic.

00:08:25.000 It's going to melt your face off.

00:08:27.000 We're going to have a bunch of women with melted faces in a few years.

00:08:29.000 There's a bunch of doctors right now that are mad at us because we don't know what we're talking about.

00:08:33.000 Of course.

00:08:33.000 But I got to assume, just assume, that if you're paralyzing your fucking face...

00:08:38.000 Right.

00:08:38.000 That's weird, too.

00:08:39.000 You talk to people who can't do that.

00:08:42.000 You know?

00:08:42.000 Yeah, I don't like it.

00:08:44.000 They're a little too shiny.

00:08:46.000 You ever notice that?

00:08:46.000 Something happens there.

00:08:48.000 Waxy.

00:08:49.000 They look waxy.

00:08:49.000 It's too shiny.

00:08:50.000 Like, why is your head so shiny?

00:08:52.000 It doesn't move and it's shiny.

00:08:53.000 Plus, you know, there's a time and a season to be the hot chick.

00:08:57.000 Like, I love Pamela Anderson.

00:08:59.000 We all did do.

00:09:01.000 But, like, I know there was a time where she didn't surrender.

00:09:05.000 Like, you're the hot chick for a minute, and then you're just not.

00:09:09.000 It's gotta be tough to give up, though.

00:09:10.000 It's gotta be tough.

00:09:11.000 Yeah.

00:09:12.000 Psychologically, that rush you get from all that attention, as that, you don't get that feeling anymore, that's gotta be really hard to deal with, you know?

00:09:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:22.000 I can only imagine.

00:09:23.000 I mean, how could you...

00:09:24.000 I don't think...

00:09:27.000 There's probably very few things in life that are like that.

00:09:29.000 You just don't get back.

00:09:31.000 You know what's probably similar to?

00:09:33.000 An aging rocker where you play out, you know, you're playing stadiums and people are like, you get that adoration of everyone coming to your shows and it's like, eh, maybe you don't move the tickets anymore or you just stop touring.

00:09:48.000 There's gonna be an adjustment.

00:09:50.000 It's not just stadiums to, okay, I just don't do that anymore.

00:09:54.000 Because it's too much of a rush.

00:09:55.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:09:57.000 Pick up heroin and stuff.

00:09:57.000 But see, some aging rock stars, for some reason or another, they still pull it off.

00:10:02.000 Like Mick Jagger can still pull it off.

00:10:04.000 Yeah.

00:10:04.000 But I think that's, it's not just that he can't, like, he, first of all, goes out and still does it.

00:10:11.000 Yeah.

00:10:11.000 And puts on the great show.

00:10:12.000 But I think the reason that he does is because you don't want to give up.

00:10:16.000 That rush, that feeling of playing to stadiums.

00:10:19.000 Probably.

00:10:20.000 And it's also probably fun.

00:10:22.000 Right.

00:10:22.000 Really fun.

00:10:23.000 How is it not fun to be Mick Jagger?

00:10:25.000 Possum yoga!

00:10:28.000 Apparently he works out like twice a day.

00:10:30.000 Really?

00:10:31.000 Apparently he's a freak.

00:10:32.000 He's super disciplined.

00:10:33.000 He does yoga and push-ups and sit-ups and all kinds of crazy shit and runs.

00:10:38.000 Wow.

00:10:38.000 70-something.

00:10:40.000 He's old as fuck.

00:10:42.000 Yeah.

00:10:42.000 Because apparently he's super dedicated to exercise.

00:10:45.000 You think Keith has the same workout regimen?

00:10:48.000 100%.

00:10:48.000 Yeah.

00:10:49.000 Yeah.

00:10:51.000 He's probably not doing heroin anymore.

00:10:53.000 Probably not.

00:10:54.000 They don't live that long if they do.

00:10:57.000 Heroin people?

00:10:57.000 Right?

00:10:58.000 Maybe they get that good heroin.

00:10:59.000 Oh, there he goes.

00:11:00.000 So here he's doing sit-ups.

00:11:01.000 Wow.

00:11:02.000 And apparently, like, look at all his dance moves.

00:11:05.000 I mean, what fucking seven-year-olds can dance like that that are men?

00:11:08.000 Look at them.

00:11:09.000 There's also like a flexibility to his spine that you rarely see.

00:11:14.000 Like how old is Mick Jagger?

00:11:16.000 Let's guess.

00:11:17.000 Let's guess.

00:11:17.000 I'm guessing 74. I'm guessing 73. 68. He's my dad's age.

00:11:26.000 You think so?

00:11:27.000 Yeah.

00:11:28.000 Button your lips, baby!

00:11:31.000 Button your curls!

00:11:34.000 73. Wow.

00:11:35.000 Who nailed it?

00:11:36.000 Somebody nailed it.

00:11:36.000 Oh, I did.

00:11:37.000 He nailed it.

00:11:37.000 Beautiful.

00:11:38.000 Bam!

00:11:39.000 You used my guess to do that.

00:11:41.000 Whatever.

00:11:41.000 How many 73-year-olds move like that?

00:11:43.000 No, my dad doesn't.

00:11:44.000 Come on, man.

00:11:45.000 When you're 73, that shit is done.

00:11:47.000 Yeah.

00:11:47.000 And he's like slinky.

00:11:50.000 Yeah.

00:11:50.000 He's got like a...

00:11:52.000 He's still got like a little thing to it.

00:11:54.000 James Brown was moving real crazy.

00:11:57.000 That was from drugs though, right?

00:11:59.000 But I mean, he was doing shit.

00:12:02.000 That wasn't yoga, man.

00:12:02.000 Somebody 25 can't pull off half of this shit, you know?

00:12:05.000 Well, he was a freak.

00:12:07.000 Yeah, he's a freak.

00:12:07.000 And he probably just did it.

00:12:08.000 He probably tore his hips apart.

00:12:10.000 Well, so did Prince.

00:12:11.000 Really?

00:12:12.000 And he was still doing his...

00:12:14.000 Those little toes were moving around still all the time.

00:12:19.000 Well, Prince, we used to do like crazy dance stuff where we would spin around, do the splits.

00:12:24.000 Is this James Brown?

00:12:25.000 Come on, man.

00:12:26.000 Oh, shit.

00:12:26.000 James Brown gives you dancing.

00:12:27.000 Are you playing this?

00:12:28.000 Look at this guy.

00:12:29.000 What?

00:12:30.000 Okay, there's no volume, so we'll just watch him dance.

00:12:32.000 Holy shit.

00:12:32.000 What, dude?

00:12:33.000 Christ.

00:12:34.000 Oh, well, he had some crazy moves, too.

00:12:36.000 Yeah.

00:12:36.000 But this is a different style of dance that existed in like 1960s black America.

00:12:41.000 I mean.

00:12:41.000 And he was the fucking man.

00:12:43.000 The man, dude.

00:12:45.000 Do you ever see him in Africa when he played the concert in Zaire before Muhammad Ali fought George Foreman?

00:12:53.000 Dude.

00:12:55.000 Dude.

00:12:56.000 Really?

00:12:56.000 Yeah.

00:12:56.000 It's him in Zaire.

00:12:58.000 James Brown is one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time.

00:13:01.000 For sure.

00:13:02.000 Just a freak of freaks.

00:13:04.000 Yeah.

00:13:05.000 Out of his mind.

00:13:06.000 People are just basically, you know, all soul R&B artists are just trying to do a version of what he did.

00:13:12.000 There was nobody before him like that.

00:13:14.000 Like, you have to put it into context.

00:13:16.000 You know, when he would come out with those capes on and shit like that.

00:13:20.000 Yeah, this is in Zaire 1974. What was happening?

00:13:23.000 Yeah, look at this.

00:13:25.000 Does it say sex on here?

00:13:26.000 Because I've seen one of those.

00:13:27.000 Look at the size of his ass.

00:13:28.000 I didn't know he had such an ass.

00:13:30.000 What's it saying?

00:13:32.000 This is 76. How old do you think he was back then?

00:13:34.000 He's probably 40. He was a bad motherfucker.

00:13:38.000 Look at that mustache.

00:13:39.000 Look at his gear, dude.

00:13:40.000 Look at his hair.

00:13:41.000 Everything.

00:13:42.000 At the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, they have basically the same outfit he has on there, but the bedazzled word is just sex.

00:13:51.000 And he used to wear that.

00:13:53.000 That's what he used to say on his stomach.

00:13:54.000 Something says on his stomach right now.

00:13:56.000 I think it says G-F-O-S. Yeah, what does that mean?

00:13:59.000 What does that mean?

00:14:00.000 Is that George Foreman?

00:14:01.000 George Foreman, original.

00:14:04.000 He's probably the first one.

00:14:06.000 A lot of black guys love acronyms like that.

00:14:10.000 You think it's a black thing?

00:14:12.000 Yeah.

00:14:14.000 I've heard people that are really into positive thinking.

00:14:19.000 They do like fame.

00:14:22.000 Forgive anyone mentioning Everglades.

00:14:26.000 Right.

00:14:28.000 There's always like some ridiculous one.

00:14:31.000 What is GFO? Godfather of Soul.

00:14:34.000 Oh!

00:14:35.000 Oh, Godfather of Soul.

00:14:37.000 Fear, false evidence appearing real.

00:14:39.000 Right, right.

00:14:40.000 Right.

00:14:41.000 Right?

00:14:43.000 That's all those weirdos on Instagram that post the inspirational slash aggressive shit.

00:14:48.000 Keep pushing.

00:14:48.000 It's important.

00:14:50.000 Stay positive.

00:14:51.000 From the training to the rapping.

00:14:53.000 I appreciate the sentiment, but it is corny.

00:14:56.000 You know what's a really funny bit about that is Chris D'Elia.

00:14:59.000 He got a really funny bit about those hashtag motivation people.

00:15:04.000 It's really funny.

00:15:06.000 It's a good bit, man.

00:15:07.000 I gotta see it.

00:15:08.000 I haven't seen it.

00:15:09.000 It's a funny bit.

00:15:09.000 But it's a double-edged sword.

00:15:13.000 Because on one hand, I appreciate people that are exercising, taking care of themselves.

00:15:17.000 I appreciate people that are motivating people.

00:15:19.000 But it's fucking still cheesy.

00:15:22.000 It's still silly.

00:15:23.000 I had this lady one time come to a show that I did in Cleveland.

00:15:28.000 And she was in a wheelchair.

00:15:29.000 And she started to...

00:15:31.000 Oh, she bought...

00:15:31.000 I was selling CDs.

00:15:33.000 This is like...

00:15:34.000 Seven years ago.

00:15:35.000 And she's like, let me get 10. And I was like, you want 10?

00:15:39.000 And I was like, alright.

00:15:40.000 And I sold them to her.

00:15:42.000 And then the next day she comes and she buys 10 more.

00:15:46.000 And I go, alright.

00:15:47.000 I can't let you keep buying this.

00:15:49.000 I'll just give them to you.

00:15:50.000 No, I want to support you.

00:15:52.000 And then she would start to write.

00:15:54.000 She did that to open up the email exchange.

00:15:58.000 And then started...

00:16:00.000 Email me, ask me questions, and then download about just everything that was bothering her and things that are bad in her life.

00:16:09.000 And then I'm going to have this procedure done.

00:16:11.000 Oh yeah, I remember this chick.

00:16:13.000 And I was like, I'd be like, alright, you know, I'd communicate with her.

00:16:16.000 And then I go back, and she comes again to the first show.

00:16:19.000 And I go, well, you know, I just, I'm glad that you look like you're alright.

00:16:25.000 And...

00:16:26.000 You know, the other thing I like about you is you're not into all those inspirational quotes.

00:16:30.000 I just told her that.

00:16:31.000 And she goes, I love inspirational quotes.

00:16:34.000 And I was like, oh.

00:16:37.000 Why did you bring that up?

00:16:39.000 I don't know.

00:16:41.000 I think because I hate it.

00:16:42.000 I hate it.

00:16:43.000 And I was just thinking about, like, she doesn't do, like, keep your head up stuff.

00:16:47.000 Like, she didn't do that.

00:16:49.000 Oh, right.

00:16:49.000 I was like, you know, you're positive without having to remind everybody about it.

00:16:52.000 And she's like, no, I love that stuff.

00:16:54.000 And I was like, ooh.

00:16:56.000 Oh.

00:16:56.000 What?

00:16:58.000 Was that it?

00:16:58.000 No, she was like, I'm getting my leg removed next week.

00:17:02.000 And I was like, Jesus.

00:17:03.000 And then she was like, I have one of my kidneys I already took out.

00:17:07.000 And my son is in Afghanistan.

00:17:09.000 He got shot.

00:17:10.000 I'm like, I don't know what else to tell you.

00:17:13.000 You want a CD? I was talking to a dude this weekend who was a doctor.

00:17:19.000 He was telling us about a surgery that they had to perform on this woman.

00:17:24.000 She had to get her leg removed.

00:17:26.000 So they had to cut through bone and meat and hack this woman's leg off for some medical reason.

00:17:33.000 I don't know what the reason was.

00:17:34.000 So they're in the middle of doing this procedure.

00:17:37.000 They remove her leg, and he turns around, and the doctor that he's with has the leg over his head, and he goes like this.

00:17:43.000 Yeah.

00:17:48.000 Whoa.

00:17:49.000 Like he's doing some crazy caveman joke in the operating room.

00:17:54.000 Oh my god.

00:17:55.000 When they just removed this lady's leg.

00:17:56.000 He's got it over his head.

00:17:57.000 He's going...

00:18:00.000 Like, he's gonna eat her or something.

00:18:02.000 Like, it's fucking...

00:18:03.000 It's hilarious, but super disturbing.

00:18:06.000 Super disturbing, yeah.

00:18:07.000 But I guess, I mean, you're just over it when you do it enough.

00:18:10.000 Look, him joking around about it is not gonna make her leg, like, not grow back or something.

00:18:15.000 I mean, she's already in dire straits.

00:18:17.000 You ever witnessed surgery?

00:18:18.000 You ever go in and observe surgery?

00:18:20.000 I saw my own surgery.

00:18:21.000 What?

00:18:21.000 I watched my own surgery.

00:18:22.000 Really?

00:18:23.000 Yeah, my knee down.

00:18:24.000 My first knee operation, I wanted to watch it.

00:18:27.000 So they gave me an epidural and I watched it.

00:18:31.000 What do you think?

00:18:31.000 It's interesting.

00:18:32.000 It's gnarly though, right?

00:18:33.000 Well, it's interesting to look at your body like...

00:18:38.000 Like the joints, they seem like when you're getting operated on, they're fixing something.

00:18:44.000 The joints seem like a hinge instead of like a part of your body.

00:18:48.000 Like you see it as, you know, you see what a joint actually is.

00:18:52.000 When you see the tissue in there, because it was a complicated procedure.

00:18:56.000 It's called a patella tendon graft.

00:18:58.000 They open up your knee like a fish, and then they take a chunk of your patella tendon, which is your big, thick, this one that's in the front, Uh-huh.

00:19:06.000 It's pretty thick.

00:19:07.000 And you don't need all of that.

00:19:08.000 So they take like a third of it.

00:19:10.000 And then they open you up.

00:19:12.000 And then they screw it into the bone on the top.

00:19:14.000 And screw it into the bone on the bottom.

00:19:15.000 And then they stitch it all up.

00:19:17.000 And it was so weird to watch them do that.

00:19:19.000 And it was so much better after that surgery?

00:19:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:19:22.000 It was fucked.

00:19:23.000 Before the surgery, it was wobbly.

00:19:25.000 Wait a minute.

00:19:26.000 But you're watching, and they're cutting into you, and you have no feelings.

00:19:31.000 When I was birthing our son, she's like, do you want a mirror to see his head?

00:19:35.000 I was like, no!

00:19:36.000 Let's keep going!

00:19:38.000 No, fuck no!

00:19:39.000 So, I mean, that's pretty amazed that you were able to look at your own body.

00:19:43.000 I wanted to see it.

00:19:44.000 Yeah, I was hoping.

00:19:46.000 I was never going to do this again.

00:19:47.000 I'm like, well, if I'm going to do this, I want to watch it.

00:19:50.000 I observed a full day of surgery, an entire day.

00:19:54.000 I saw eight operations when I was a freshman in high school.

00:19:57.000 I had the illusion that I would be a doctor.

00:20:00.000 Really?

00:20:01.000 I want to be a doctor.

00:20:03.000 What kind of doctor would you be, Tom?

00:20:05.000 My uncle was a doctor.

00:20:06.000 He set me up at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville.

00:20:09.000 And so I meet this guy, and I was a pretty big kid, so they're like, what college do you go to?

00:20:13.000 And I was like, no, I'm in high school.

00:20:15.000 And they're like...

00:20:16.000 Okay, you ready to see this?

00:20:17.000 Like, I thought I was a little more.

00:20:19.000 And the first one we see is a woman who's spread eagle.

00:20:24.000 She's 80, and they're removing a cyst from her vagina.

00:20:27.000 And here's the thing.

00:20:28.000 He goes, so he comes over, because he comes over to me, and I'm with my dad, and he goes, hey, don't make any, like, jokes while you're in here.

00:20:37.000 And I go, what are you talking about?

00:20:38.000 He goes, she's awake.

00:20:39.000 So if you're like, oh, look at her old pussy, she's going to hear it.

00:20:42.000 Jesus Christ!

00:20:47.000 Okay.

00:20:48.000 Look at that old pussy.

00:20:49.000 No, but the best is they go in.

00:20:52.000 Gnarly.

00:20:52.000 They fucking open up.

00:20:54.000 The cyst is the size of a softball.

00:20:57.000 Oh my god.

00:20:58.000 And so the guy's like, this is the biggest cyst we've ever seen.

00:21:01.000 Oh my god.

00:21:02.000 Has another nurse go get a camera.

00:21:05.000 Starts documenting.

00:21:06.000 He's like, this is going to be in a journal.

00:21:07.000 Nasty.

00:21:08.000 This is incredible.

00:21:09.000 Then they rupture it and it's just shooting pus out of there.

00:21:13.000 Have you ever gone to drpimplepopper.com?

00:21:16.000 No!

00:21:18.000 Oh boy!

00:21:19.000 No, bro!

00:21:20.000 Headphones, please.

00:21:21.000 Headphones.

00:21:21.000 We're going to introduce you to the world of Dr. Pimple Popper.

00:21:24.000 Oh my god.

00:21:24.000 She's a lady on Instagram, and I'm obsessed with her page.

00:21:28.000 Oh shit.

00:21:28.000 She's got like millions of followers too.

00:21:30.000 Really?

00:21:31.000 Oh yeah.

00:21:31.000 All she does is, her YouTube videos and her Instagram videos are all just her popping cysts.

00:21:36.000 And it is strangely, strangely fascinating.

00:21:40.000 Oh, no!

00:21:41.000 I don't know!

00:21:42.000 I don't know!

00:21:43.000 So she cut Dr. Sandra Lee.

00:21:45.000 Hello, Sandra.

00:21:47.000 Millions of views on Instagram, millions of views on YouTube.

00:21:52.000 Oh, I'm going to barf.

00:21:52.000 Oh, no, not yet.

00:21:53.000 Wait till you see it.

00:21:54.000 You're not going to barf yet.

00:21:55.000 So right now she's cutting into this woman's back who has what looks like a small frog growing at her back.

00:22:01.000 So she's cutting the top of it off.

00:22:04.000 Cutting a chunk of the meat off.

00:22:05.000 She's really good at not cutting it yet, right?

00:22:08.000 The scissors.

00:22:09.000 Yeah, because she wants to remove it in one chunk.

00:22:13.000 Like, sometimes she can get them in one chunk.

00:22:15.000 Like, she's opening it up right now with these scissors.

00:22:19.000 This is not the most satisfying, because this right now, we're just looking at surgery.

00:22:23.000 You okay, Christina?

00:22:23.000 I don't know!

00:22:24.000 I don't like it!

00:22:25.000 Why are you so freaking out?

00:22:26.000 Because it just...

00:22:28.000 So she's snipping.

00:22:30.000 Why you gotta be so nasty, Joe?

00:22:32.000 I have seen so many people get cut and knocked unconscious and beat up.

00:22:38.000 I'm not averse to looking at cysts.

00:22:41.000 Now, look how nasty this is once she starts squirting.

00:22:44.000 Here we go.

00:22:45.000 I don't know.

00:22:46.000 I don't know.

00:22:46.000 Come on.

00:22:47.000 Well, thank you.

00:22:49.000 There you go.

00:22:50.000 Oh, God!

00:22:51.000 What in the fuck?

00:22:52.000 Fuck is happening!

00:22:54.000 That's a fucking anemone coming out of that person's body.

00:22:57.000 I'm gonna vomit.

00:22:58.000 I think that's a back?

00:23:00.000 Is that a back cyst?

00:23:01.000 What is that?

00:23:02.000 Sorry to tell.

00:23:03.000 What is a cyst?

00:23:05.000 It's just nasty.

00:23:06.000 I don't know.

00:23:07.000 It's just nasty shit.

00:23:08.000 I don't know what a cyst is.

00:23:10.000 That was...

00:23:11.000 Huh?

00:23:11.000 I think it's dead skin.

00:23:12.000 I read about one of these recently because I was watching it.

00:23:14.000 Well, why don't you just Google it?

00:23:15.000 I did.

00:23:16.000 I can't while we're watching it.

00:23:17.000 Oh.

00:23:18.000 We'll find out.

00:23:19.000 We did so much speculation.

00:23:21.000 We did a podcast this weekend without Jamie on the computer.

00:23:25.000 And we were asking questions and no one ever answered the questions.

00:23:28.000 We just said it was like 100% misinformation.

00:23:30.000 I heard.

00:23:31.000 I heard it was like this.

00:23:33.000 Do you want to look?

00:23:33.000 Hey, Jamie, I think we're all good.

00:23:35.000 We're good.

00:23:35.000 I got it.

00:23:36.000 Thanks.

00:23:37.000 He's going to get to the end of it.

00:23:39.000 Some of them are fucking unbelievable.

00:23:41.000 There's more in there.

00:23:42.000 I don't know.

00:23:43.000 That's like trash.

00:23:44.000 I don't know.

00:23:45.000 It's like you're trashing your body.

00:23:46.000 There's still five minutes left on this video.

00:23:48.000 I'm going to throw up, man.

00:23:49.000 Really?

00:23:49.000 That doesn't do a damn thing to me.

00:23:51.000 You just had a baby.

00:23:52.000 You should be durable now.

00:23:54.000 I am, but this is like...

00:23:56.000 Look at the hole.

00:23:58.000 It's crazy how big that hole is.

00:24:01.000 Like, that's a goddamn gaping hole.

00:24:03.000 See, that's fine.

00:24:04.000 I don't like the stuff coming out.

00:24:05.000 Yeah, that's the gnarly part.

00:24:06.000 I wonder why she had to do it that way.

00:24:08.000 Obviously, I'm not a doctor.

00:24:09.000 I'm not criticizing her technique.

00:24:11.000 But I wonder why you have to take a chunk out of the skin instead of making a little hatch.

00:24:17.000 Like, you remember those old-school pajamas?

00:24:21.000 That's a good-sized gape, dude.

00:24:22.000 Yeah.

00:24:23.000 That's a small fish.

00:24:25.000 Yeah.

00:24:27.000 Oh, for the love of mommy.

00:24:29.000 You gotta get that last part out, that sack that it's all holding in, and that hole's just what's left over after you get everything.

00:24:34.000 I heard that they don't actually know what causes cysts.

00:24:38.000 Oh, how comforting.

00:24:39.000 Yeah.

00:24:40.000 They don't know anything.

00:24:41.000 Oh, you're just growing a golf ball-sized bag of pus on your head.

00:24:43.000 Nobody knows anything.

00:24:44.000 What's this from?

00:24:45.000 No, we don't know.

00:24:45.000 And people grow in weird spots, too.

00:24:47.000 They don't even know why.

00:24:48.000 You go, weird spots on the top of your head and shit.

00:24:51.000 It's just cells, right?

00:24:53.000 Like, they overgrow, and they're not cancerous.

00:24:56.000 Let's find out.

00:24:56.000 Let's do it.

00:24:57.000 Here we go.

00:25:01.000 Membranus?

00:25:02.000 Membranus?

00:25:03.000 Membranus.

00:25:04.000 Membranus.

00:25:12.000 Oh, no.

00:25:15.000 So yeah, I guess it's a cavity containing fluid.

00:25:19.000 And they use the word fluid super loosely.

00:25:24.000 It's not like a snapple.

00:25:28.000 It's fucking pus.

00:25:31.000 It's not fluid.

00:25:32.000 It's like a whipped cream like pussy.

00:25:35.000 Nastiness.

00:25:35.000 Mm-hmm.

00:25:36.000 Mm-hmm.

00:25:37.000 Mm-hmm.

00:25:37.000 Yeah.

00:25:38.000 Mm-hmm.

00:25:39.000 Mm-hmm.

00:25:40.000 Not good.

00:25:40.000 Nah, no bueno.

00:25:41.000 Not on your vagina, too.

00:25:42.000 That's, I imagine.

00:25:43.000 This lady's, I still remember it.

00:25:46.000 It was massive.

00:25:46.000 Where on her vag?

00:25:47.000 On the outer part so everybody could see or inside?

00:25:50.000 It was inside, but then they had her in some way where they could push back and you could see it coming out of the side.

00:25:57.000 Like on the wall.

00:26:00.000 Like a speculum?

00:26:01.000 Like they opened her up?

00:26:02.000 Wow.

00:26:04.000 That's gnarly.

00:26:05.000 Now, it really had fluid, though.

00:26:08.000 I do remember that.

00:26:09.000 It wasn't like this.

00:26:10.000 It really was like a stream coming out.

00:26:12.000 I hate to be disrespectful, but do you think it made her pussy tighter?

00:26:15.000 I think so!

00:26:16.000 Seems like it would.

00:26:17.000 It's a really good question.

00:26:18.000 I don't see how it could not.

00:26:21.000 It must have.

00:26:21.000 I mean, if you had it in your mouth, it'd be sure tough to swallow.

00:26:24.000 Right?

00:26:26.000 Imagine if you got it in your box.

00:26:28.000 I think that's how they said snug it up.

00:26:29.000 They discovered it because her husband was like, it's just thanks for tight.

00:26:32.000 He's like, oh shit, baby!

00:26:34.000 Get up!

00:26:37.000 Get on up!

00:26:38.000 Get on up!

00:26:39.000 Get on up!

00:26:40.000 Pussy just got tight!

00:26:42.000 Do you guys remember when James Brown went on that shooting spree because someone used his toilet?

00:26:46.000 Someone took a shit in his personal bathroom?

00:26:48.000 No.

00:26:48.000 You don't remember this?

00:26:49.000 He got in a shootout with the cops.

00:26:51.000 He drove off with a shotgun.

00:26:53.000 He threatened someone with a gun in the office for shitting in his toilet.

00:26:57.000 And then he got in a car, a high speed chase to the cops.

00:27:01.000 The cops shot his tire out and he kept driving.

00:27:04.000 Really?

00:27:05.000 His mugshot?

00:27:05.000 His mugshot.

00:27:06.000 I remember that.

00:27:07.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:07.000 That's what it was from.

00:27:08.000 His last mugshot.

00:27:09.000 How many times has he been arrested?

00:27:10.000 I think he got arrested a few times.

00:27:11.000 His last one where he's like...

00:27:13.000 Mike Epps has the joke.

00:27:19.000 You remember that?

00:27:20.000 No.

00:27:21.000 The year that that happened, Mike Epps put out a special.

00:27:25.000 He was like, James Brown looked like a Thundercat.

00:27:28.000 That's the best description of that.

00:27:30.000 Because he did.

00:27:31.000 He had like this straight...

00:27:33.000 And he had that ridiculous smile in that.

00:27:36.000 I remember, do you remember the James Brown super coked out interview he did?

00:27:40.000 Yes, I was just thinking about that one.

00:27:41.000 What was that interview on?

00:27:42.000 It was on CNN. Is this it?

00:27:44.000 This looks like it.

00:27:45.000 The day after shooting at police.

00:27:47.000 On PCP it says.

00:27:49.000 Oh, don't you miss?

00:27:50.000 Oh yes, I do remember this.

00:27:51.000 He had the crazy glasses on.

00:27:53.000 Give us some volume, Jamie.

00:27:55.000 His jaw is going crazy.

00:27:57.000 I miss PCP. Yeah, he was just singing.

00:28:01.000 Living in America.

00:28:02.000 Nothing wrong.

00:28:04.000 Nothing wrong at all.

00:28:05.000 You're not in any difficulty, but you're out on bond.

00:28:08.000 No, I'm not.

00:28:10.000 Have all the charges been dropped?

00:28:12.000 Yeah, I'm out on love.

00:28:13.000 I'm out on love.

00:28:15.000 Are you out on love or out of love?

00:28:18.000 Which is it?

00:28:18.000 Out on love.

00:28:20.000 Alone from night to night, you find me.

00:28:23.000 Now, James, this isn't the first time you and your wife have had a problem.

00:28:27.000 Are the two of you going to be able to work this out?

00:28:29.000 Let's talk about some music.

00:28:30.000 You want to talk about music and you don't want to talk about what happened.

00:28:33.000 No, it's all over.

00:28:34.000 Well, let's talk about your tour.

00:28:36.000 When are you leaving?

00:28:36.000 We're leaving tomorrow.

00:28:38.000 And where are you going?

00:28:40.000 Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo.

00:28:43.000 Your fans will have heard all about this, James.

00:28:46.000 Aren't you concerned about that?

00:28:51.000 I'm concerned because there's nothing wrong.

00:28:55.000 Look at his glasses.

00:28:56.000 Look at his jaw.

00:28:59.000 Grinding.

00:29:01.000 Papa's got a brand new bag.

00:29:02.000 It's a man's world.

00:29:04.000 Oh my God.

00:29:05.000 That's the second time we've heard that in two days.

00:29:08.000 That's very interesting.

00:29:08.000 Now, don't leave us, James.

00:29:09.000 You stay right there.

00:29:10.000 We have more that we have to talk about.

00:29:12.000 Well, tell us a little bit about...

00:29:13.000 If you listen to this, you have to see this.

00:29:17.000 Oh, it's crazy.

00:29:17.000 What are you going to be doing on this tour?

00:29:20.000 Papa's got a brand new bag.

00:29:21.000 Living in America.

00:29:22.000 Sex machine.

00:29:23.000 Get up off of that thing.

00:29:25.000 I feel good.

00:29:26.000 I feel good.

00:29:28.000 You know what this is like?

00:29:29.000 Do you ever hear those when the radio shows would call someone up and they would use...

00:29:33.000 Wait, he's got...

00:29:34.000 Sorry, go ahead.

00:29:34.000 Go ahead.

00:29:35.000 Go ahead.

00:29:35.000 More?

00:29:35.000 Oh, yeah, because he tells her that he smells good and he makes love good.

00:29:41.000 You want to mingle?

00:29:42.000 Yeah.

00:29:42.000 Now, the women love you when you get out there.

00:29:45.000 Why do you think that is?

00:29:46.000 What'd you say?

00:29:47.000 The women love you when you get out there.

00:29:49.000 Why is that, ladies?

00:29:51.000 Well, I'm asking you.

00:29:52.000 Huh?

00:29:53.000 Because I look good.

00:29:55.000 I smell good.

00:29:56.000 I feel good.

00:29:57.000 And you sing good.

00:29:59.000 And make love good.

00:30:01.000 Oh.

00:30:02.000 Oh.

00:30:02.000 Well, there we are.

00:30:03.000 We don't have to ask anybody else.

00:30:05.000 We got that from the source.

00:30:06.000 There you are.

00:30:09.000 Now, you're involved in publishing a gospel magazine.

00:30:11.000 Tell us a little bit about it.

00:30:12.000 A gospel magazine.

00:30:14.000 It's coming.

00:30:17.000 It's out of Augusta, Georgia's ankle.

00:30:20.000 Joseph P. Young is the editor, and James Viner, one of the advisors.

00:30:24.000 And we're doing a fantastic job.

00:30:26.000 The second coming.

00:30:27.000 It features, on this week, I think we have the Pope, and I believe the Williams brothers.

00:30:34.000 He's lit, dude.

00:30:35.000 Yeah.

00:30:37.000 He looks like Michael Jackson when he turned into a werewolf in Thriller.

00:30:41.000 Yeah.

00:30:41.000 Right, dude!

00:30:42.000 Look at his eyes.

00:30:43.000 You nailed it!

00:30:43.000 Look at those glasses.

00:30:45.000 That's totally it, bro.

00:30:45.000 That's what he looks like.

00:30:46.000 Yeah.

00:30:47.000 Yeah.

00:30:49.000 Yeah.

00:30:50.000 Did you ever see that short film I made a few years ago about him?

00:30:56.000 No!

00:30:57.000 You made a film about James Brown?

00:30:58.000 Well, I made a film with Ryan Sickler, a comedian, about a real story about him.

00:31:04.000 It's called Nine Inches, and it's on my YouTube page.

00:31:08.000 And what it's about is that there's a real story about two guys who shot each other in an argument over James Brown's height.

00:31:17.000 What?

00:31:18.000 Yeah.

00:31:19.000 So we made a short about it.

00:31:21.000 This is all about James Brown.

00:31:23.000 How did I not know about this?

00:31:25.000 I don't know.

00:31:25.000 But it happened in Alabama.

00:31:28.000 Oh, here it is.

00:31:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:30.000 He just pulled it up.

00:31:31.000 But it's based on a real story.

00:31:33.000 Two guys got in an argument about how tall he is.

00:31:37.000 And basically, one guy was like, you know, James Brown's 5'5", or whatever.

00:31:43.000 And that dude's like, he's 6 feet, motherfucker.

00:31:44.000 And they got so heated, they shot each other.

00:31:49.000 Over his height.

00:31:50.000 So that's why it's called five or nine inches?

00:31:52.000 It's called nine inches because of the discrepancy.

00:31:54.000 That's hilarious.

00:31:55.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:56.000 But it's a real story that these guys were friends.

00:32:00.000 Like, good friends.

00:32:01.000 People get mad about nothing.

00:32:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:04.000 People get mad about shit that doesn't make any sense to wind up killing each other.

00:32:07.000 Because nobody wants to back down, then it escalates.

00:32:09.000 You gotta be right.

00:32:10.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:32:11.000 I'm more concerned about PCP. Where did it go?

00:32:14.000 Because remember there was a lot of cool stuff in the 80s that happened because of angel dust.

00:32:19.000 Like people lifted cars and shit.

00:32:22.000 And then it just went away.

00:32:24.000 Where is PCP? My old boxing coach had his finger bitten off when he was on PCP. Really?

00:32:29.000 Yeah.

00:32:30.000 See, where's that cool shit now?

00:32:31.000 See, all the fun stuff.

00:32:32.000 He had his finger bitten off on PCP and he had it replaced with his toe.

00:32:35.000 He had his, not his big toe, but his next to biggest toe put in on his right hand.

00:32:42.000 Are you being, this is a joke.

00:32:43.000 No, I'm 100% serious.

00:32:45.000 Joe Lake.

00:32:46.000 Love that guy to death.

00:32:47.000 He's my boxing coach when I was a kid.

00:32:50.000 He had his finger permanently bent so he could throw right hooks.

00:32:54.000 He was a southpaw.

00:32:55.000 Yeah.

00:32:55.000 Had a very good right hook.

00:32:56.000 He didn't want to give it up.

00:32:57.000 So when you would shake his hand...

00:32:59.000 Shake it like that?

00:33:00.000 He has like a little hook.

00:33:02.000 Like a baby finger.

00:33:03.000 Yeah, it's like constantly turned.

00:33:05.000 That was a toe?

00:33:06.000 That was a toe.

00:33:07.000 It's a toe, but now it's his index finger.

00:33:09.000 And he had his toe?

00:33:10.000 Yeah.

00:33:11.000 So they took it off of his foot.

00:33:13.000 Yeah, his foot only has four toes.

00:33:16.000 It has a toe, a big toe, and then three hanglers.

00:33:20.000 Which I guess you don't need all of them.

00:33:22.000 And somebody bit it off on TCP. In a street fight, yeah.

00:33:24.000 Oh, that reminds me.

00:33:27.000 See?

00:33:27.000 That reminds me.

00:33:28.000 It's so much fun.

00:33:29.000 That I was with Diaz for three days.

00:33:32.000 Yes.

00:33:32.000 Why does it remind you that?

00:33:34.000 I'll tell you why.

00:33:36.000 Because this is so perfect.

00:33:38.000 So I'm with Diaz.

00:33:39.000 We're leaving the Shoreline Amphitheater.

00:33:41.000 We did the Oddball Tour.

00:33:42.000 So we're leaving the Shoreline Amphitheater.

00:33:44.000 He just massacred.

00:33:45.000 It was close to 10,000 people.

00:33:49.000 We get in the shuttle, because there's intermission, and Joey and I were before intermission.

00:33:53.000 So we tell the driver, we want to go back to the hotel.

00:33:56.000 There's still another half of a show to go.

00:33:58.000 So it's just Joey, myself, and the driver.

00:34:01.000 And we get in the car.

00:34:03.000 There's no music on.

00:34:04.000 We're just talking.

00:34:05.000 And we just hit one of those moments.

00:34:07.000 You know when you're on a highway at night?

00:34:09.000 And you kind of hit that thing where it's like, everyone stops talking for a minute, and you're looking out the window, and you can feel like...

00:34:15.000 And you're just kind of staring off.

00:34:18.000 No one's talking.

00:34:19.000 And then after like 15 seconds of silence, Joey goes...

00:34:24.000 I would tell you about the time I saw a guy cut open at the Tenderloin in 1979. His stomach split wide open.

00:34:31.000 And I was like, what?

00:34:32.000 And I just see the driver's eyes widen.

00:34:35.000 And I was like, no.

00:34:36.000 He goes, yeah, his blood was brown because he was bleeding for so long.

00:34:39.000 People just stepped over him.

00:34:40.000 And I saw two guys stab each other in the fucking street.

00:34:45.000 1980. Just over nothing.

00:34:48.000 They just stab each other.

00:34:49.000 I almost shit my pants.

00:34:50.000 But then I got used to it.

00:34:52.000 And then you just see the driver's eye.

00:34:56.000 That's so crazy.

00:34:57.000 I got used to it.

00:34:58.000 Just look over, like, who's this guy sitting next to me?

00:35:01.000 Which is all you saw from, like, uh, he was, he's such a, like, a rocket ship of a personality that you get used to, like, all the people on this tour, because I did all the dates, and then you should see, like, the first night he came out, I'd see, like, the oddball staff,

00:35:17.000 like, turning, like, what the fuck is going on?

00:35:22.000 Because he's just so out in left field, you know?

00:35:25.000 He can't prepare for it.

00:35:26.000 He's just like...

00:35:27.000 He's got not a fuck in his tank.

00:35:30.000 Zero.

00:35:30.000 There's nothing.

00:35:31.000 Dude, he just calls people cocksuckers.

00:35:34.000 Like, the audience.

00:35:35.000 The comedians are like, what's up, cocksuckers?

00:35:37.000 They're like, who the fuck?

00:35:38.000 He did it to 8,000 people last night.

00:35:40.000 Oh, it's so great.

00:35:40.000 What's up, you fucking cocksuckers?

00:35:44.000 It's endearing once you see him live.

00:35:47.000 He even has some reference to it.

00:35:49.000 He would throw people off, right?

00:35:52.000 You could tell that some people would be like, oh my god.

00:35:54.000 And then he goes, yeah, I say some fucked up shit.

00:35:57.000 And then he goes, but I'm your Uncle Joey, you know?

00:36:01.000 Everyone's got an Uncle Joey like me.

00:36:02.000 It's a little uncomfortable at first, like a finger in your ass.

00:36:05.000 And then they're just laughing again right away.

00:36:08.000 He gets how he hits people, you know?

00:36:11.000 Yeah, he's something odd.

00:36:13.000 I've never been anybody like him before.

00:36:15.000 He's a force of nature.

00:36:16.000 It's like a rare occurrence.

00:36:20.000 Really owns his farts in public, by the way.

00:36:23.000 Really?

00:36:23.000 His fart game is strong.

00:36:24.000 He was just like, I gotta tell you something else.

00:36:27.000 At a bar.

00:36:29.000 And I was like, so loud.

00:36:31.000 And it smelled so sour.

00:36:33.000 Really?

00:36:33.000 And he goes, wait till it hits that motherfucker.

00:36:35.000 Right there, he points at the guy.

00:36:38.000 Yeah, I mean, he's crazy, man.

00:36:40.000 It's so crazy he's married.

00:36:42.000 He farted once on a plane that was so bad that I had headphones on, and I smelled that I was in the middle of writing, and I smelled it, and I just go, and I start to make this face, and then I go, and I put my shirt over my nose, and then it hits the woman behind us.

00:36:59.000 With the headphones on, listening to the music, I hear, oh my god!

00:37:07.000 So I'm hearing...

00:37:12.000 Ow!

00:37:12.000 Oh my god!

00:37:15.000 And he's like, ah!

00:37:17.000 And he's got his hands rested on his butt.

00:37:19.000 On his gut, yeah.

00:37:22.000 Yeah.

00:37:22.000 He's a maniac.

00:37:23.000 He takes credit for it, too, huh?

00:37:24.000 Definitely.

00:37:24.000 Yeah.

00:37:25.000 Because I do it on planes, but I keep it private.

00:37:28.000 Keep it under wraps.

00:37:28.000 I don't take credit.

00:37:29.000 And no one assumes I would.

00:37:30.000 Right.

00:37:31.000 So I like to...

00:37:31.000 Plus the sound, it's so much on a plane that you can fart.

00:37:34.000 You can just let it rip.

00:37:35.000 No one's going to hear it.

00:37:37.000 Yeah.

00:37:37.000 That's good quality.

00:37:38.000 Yeah.

00:37:39.000 He also says things that don't add up for that.

00:37:42.000 I'm like, come on.

00:37:43.000 He goes, you know me, dog.

00:37:44.000 I'm like...

00:37:45.000 I'm like, alright.

00:37:47.000 It's like my favorite thing about his periscopes.

00:37:50.000 His periscopes, he'll smoke, you know?

00:37:52.000 He'll smoke crazy amounts of weed.

00:37:54.000 He's like, at six o'clock in the morning, I've always rolled two joints, smoked them.

00:37:58.000 Fuck are you doing with your life?

00:37:59.000 And I'm like, hold on.

00:38:00.000 I go, you're implying that that's the accomplishment?

00:38:03.000 Right.

00:38:04.000 Like, I'm doing something, what are you doing?

00:38:06.000 He's always up.

00:38:06.000 It's that I got high.

00:38:08.000 When I have to do shit early in the morning, I always call him, because he's always awake.

00:38:11.000 He's always awake, yeah.

00:38:12.000 Yeah.

00:38:13.000 He's a maniac.

00:38:15.000 He told me that 4.30, sometimes he's like, you know, it just hits me like a thought.

00:38:19.000 I just get up.

00:38:20.000 I'm like, fucking 4.30?

00:38:22.000 He wants to get up sometimes.

00:38:24.000 Is he not a sleeper?

00:38:26.000 Not really.

00:38:27.000 It's crazy, right?

00:38:28.000 You'd think that he would just be passed out, but no.

00:38:30.000 Some people don't need to sleep.

00:38:32.000 If I get up to pee, and it's like 4 o'clock in the morning, the problem is sometimes I'll have an idea.

00:38:37.000 And if I have an idea, I've gone back to sleep, I'm like, I'll remember it.

00:38:42.000 And I never remember it.

00:38:43.000 So now, if I have any kind of an idea, or I think it might be an idea, I have to sit down.

00:38:48.000 And then I have to write something out.

00:38:50.000 Or talk into my phone.

00:38:52.000 I'll talk into my phone a little bit just to try to capture it.

00:38:54.000 You gotta write it down.

00:38:55.000 That's key.

00:38:56.000 If I don't, I'm fucked.

00:38:57.000 Because if I don't, I'm not getting any sleep.

00:38:58.000 Because then I'll be sitting there thinking like, gosh, I should have just got up.

00:39:02.000 It's always that thing where you go, it could be like when you're about to fall asleep or about to wake up, and you go, I got that though.

00:39:11.000 That'll come to me.

00:39:12.000 You know what I find?

00:39:13.000 I had to do this thing for ESPN today, so I had to get up early and I had to drive on the highway in traffic and all that shit.

00:39:18.000 But when I got up early, woke up, had a cup of coffee, I'm out the door, in the hustle and bustle, and there's something about getting up early, forcing yourself to get up, and then having a cup of coffee and going out and do something.

00:39:30.000 It gives you a little momentum.

00:39:45.000 It's a little self-congratulatory.

00:39:47.000 Thank you.

00:39:48.000 I agree.

00:39:49.000 I agree.

00:39:49.000 Like, look how disciplined I am.

00:39:52.000 Well, fuck off, I go to bed late.

00:39:54.000 We're up earlier.

00:39:55.000 But now the kid's up at, you know, the crack of dawn, so we gotta be up too, and now I'm used to it.

00:39:59.000 Now I'm one of those people.

00:40:00.000 You adjust.

00:40:01.000 Sending emails at 6am to my agents.

00:40:03.000 And I do like it more.

00:40:03.000 I actually do like it more.

00:40:05.000 It doesn't make any sense, but I feel like when I force myself to wake up in the morning, I get a better feeling about the day.

00:40:13.000 Yeah.

00:40:13.000 It's like I'm starting off in a good way, like, alright, we're up.

00:40:28.000 One thing I don't like though, I don't like morning workouts.

00:40:31.000 No?

00:40:32.000 I like afternoon workouts, yeah.

00:40:34.000 I like to work out first thing.

00:40:35.000 You do?

00:40:36.000 Yep.

00:40:36.000 Yeah.

00:40:37.000 I like to do something with no food.

00:40:39.000 I like to do one workout in the morning, like something.

00:40:44.000 Chin-ups, bodyweight squats, something like that.

00:40:46.000 Yeah.

00:40:47.000 Sometimes I hit the bag.

00:40:49.000 No food.

00:40:50.000 I like to do that several times a week.

00:40:52.000 But I always feel stronger and I have more energy if I work out late in the afternoon.

00:40:58.000 I like the late afternoon.

00:41:00.000 Now do you overeat though after you work out on an empty stomach afterwards?

00:41:05.000 No, no, no.

00:41:08.000 No, I mean I'm gonna be hungry, but I'm always hungry after I work out.

00:41:11.000 I don't eat like much more.

00:41:13.000 I see what you eat on Instagram.

00:41:15.000 I put my food on Instagram.

00:41:17.000 Lots of meats.

00:41:17.000 One of those annoying fucks.

00:41:18.000 I have a lot of meat.

00:41:19.000 You guys want some meat?

00:41:20.000 Yeah.

00:41:21.000 Okay.

00:41:22.000 I'll give you some elk.

00:41:23.000 I'll take it.

00:41:24.000 Show you how to cook it.

00:41:24.000 Yeah.

00:41:25.000 It's super good for you.

00:41:26.000 Yeah?

00:41:27.000 It's yummy.

00:41:28.000 Because you do a lot of veggies and meat, I noticed.

00:41:31.000 No carbs.

00:41:32.000 Very little carbs.

00:41:33.000 I eat a lot of avocados.

00:41:35.000 That's good.

00:41:36.000 I eat a lot of coconut oil, a lot of fat.

00:41:37.000 That's what I'm eating.

00:41:38.000 That's what he's doing right now.

00:41:39.000 You're doing that?

00:41:39.000 Yeah, high fat, low carb, yeah.

00:41:41.000 You know what you need to get a hold of, dude?

00:41:43.000 You gotta get a hold of some ketones.

00:41:45.000 Do we have them here?

00:41:46.000 Hold on.

00:41:46.000 Oh, shit.

00:41:47.000 Okay.

00:41:50.000 Yeah, if you're on a ketogenic diet, let's try a few of these and tell me what you think.

00:41:54.000 What is this?

00:41:55.000 It's called Kegenics.

00:41:56.000 This is the stuff that I use, but this is made by this guy, Dom D'Agostino, who's a research scientist from some university in Florida, by the way.

00:42:07.000 He's in Florida.

00:42:08.000 And he's one of the foremost specialists on ketogenic diets and the benefits of ketogenic diets.

00:42:16.000 I've been reading a lot about it.

00:42:17.000 He's super scientific, though.

00:42:18.000 And the best resource, if you want to listen to this, is the Tim Ferriss Show.

00:42:22.000 Tim Ferriss' podcast.

00:42:23.000 He had three different podcasts with Dom D'Agostino.

00:42:27.000 And the first one was one of the things that got me super excited about trying.

00:42:32.000 To go on a fat-based diet.

00:42:34.000 Yeah.

00:42:35.000 Just listen to all the benefits this guy was talking about.

00:42:39.000 There's a whole series of benefits.

00:42:41.000 That and intermittent fasting.

00:42:43.000 Getting your body into a state where it's just burning fat.

00:42:46.000 Yeah.

00:42:47.000 The big one, though, the real big one, though, is the hunger thing.

00:42:49.000 There's two big ones.

00:42:50.000 One, I have energy all throughout the day.

00:42:52.000 I know people right now are listening to this going, oh my god, he's talking about a ketogenic diet again.

00:42:56.000 Jesus fucking Christ, because I talk about it too much.

00:42:58.000 Really?

00:42:59.000 But just for you guys, you don't have as much hunger.

00:43:03.000 Like, in between meals, you don't have that feeling.

00:43:06.000 I'm a month into it.

00:43:07.000 Really?

00:43:08.000 Yeah.

00:43:08.000 I'm down almost 18 pounds.

00:43:12.000 That's incredible.

00:43:13.000 I, uh...

00:43:15.000 I basically have felt that way where I'm not just feeling that satisfaction more.

00:43:20.000 I'm also eating overall less food.

00:43:23.000 You know what I mean?

00:43:24.000 I used to eat just more of a higher volume of food.

00:43:28.000 Right.

00:43:28.000 You know, like every meal was much bigger than it was.

00:43:31.000 Because that fat satisfies you much quicker, you know?

00:43:34.000 Well, it definitely satisfies you longer, too.

00:43:37.000 Yeah.

00:43:38.000 And it's just like the craving for carbs, like I got off of it when I went on this trip.

00:43:43.000 I went on a trip and I was with these guys camping for six days and there just wasn't, there's no way, I mean there was just so much food that wasn't ketogenic.

00:43:54.000 Yeah.

00:43:55.000 And that's all we had was that food.

00:43:56.000 Sure.

00:43:56.000 So I got off it.

00:43:58.000 And the first thing I noticed is like how hungry I would get in between meals.

00:44:02.000 The sugar spikes.

00:44:03.000 Yeah, you get like, God damn it, I gotta eat.

00:44:06.000 And I realized, wow, I don't get that when I'm on the fat-based diet.

00:44:09.000 And as soon as I got on the fat-based diet again, it went away.

00:44:12.000 You know what my second day of cutting the sugar and stuff was?

00:44:16.000 It was when we did that live podcast.

00:44:19.000 I was snapping at everybody.

00:44:20.000 Oh yeah, you were so grumpy.

00:44:22.000 Oh, did you get like heroin?

00:44:23.000 I didn't realize how much sugar I was consuming regularly.

00:44:29.000 But the first 48 to 72 hours, I was about to be on the first 48. I was really snapping at people.

00:44:39.000 Really?

00:44:39.000 Yeah, man.

00:44:41.000 I couldn't control it.

00:44:42.000 I also had a really hard time focusing.

00:44:45.000 You know?

00:44:45.000 For those first couple days.

00:44:47.000 Yeah, they call it the keto flu.

00:44:49.000 Really?

00:44:50.000 Yeah, you feel like you have the flu.

00:44:51.000 I had a buddy of mine, my friend Brendan tried it.

00:44:54.000 Not Brendan Chobb, another Brendan.

00:44:56.000 And when he tried it, he sent me a text message.

00:45:00.000 He's like, do you feel shitty?

00:45:01.000 Do you feel tired when you're first doing this?

00:45:05.000 Some people, it hits them really bad.

00:45:07.000 I was just really irritable.

00:45:08.000 Yeah, really irritable.

00:45:10.000 You were jonesing.

00:45:11.000 Yeah.

00:45:11.000 I wanted it bad, man.

00:45:13.000 Bad.

00:45:14.000 So bad.

00:45:15.000 Tell me.

00:45:15.000 And you forget all the stuff that has sugar in it.

00:45:19.000 Everything.

00:45:19.000 Everything does.

00:45:21.000 Actually, the other cool part about it, besides the health benefits, from what I've read, a lot of people's cholesterol goes down, all that stuff goes down.

00:45:30.000 It's a good exercise in discipline and in being focused and mindful of something.

00:45:37.000 That's the cool part.

00:45:38.000 I'm not a super disciplined person about a lot of things.

00:45:42.000 I'm disciplined about work.

00:45:45.000 I don't find myself to be super disciplined, and all of a sudden you're going, all right, I have to look at what's in this, and then you're starting to catch things.

00:45:52.000 It makes you more focused overall, because you're focused on trying to do this one, like, I want to eliminate sugar, which is secretly in everything, you know?

00:46:03.000 Well, I think a lot of addictions, they're all, it's almost the same thing.

00:46:07.000 It's the same pattern.

00:46:09.000 And that pattern is, you're just doing something, and you can't even believe you're doing it while you're doing it, and I'm betting all on black!

00:46:17.000 Whether it's gambling or whether it's sex or whether it's drugs or whether it's...

00:46:22.000 I mean, people are addicted to a bunch of different weird shit.

00:46:25.000 And food is a big one, man.

00:46:26.000 It's a big one, man.

00:46:27.000 It's kind of the same thing.

00:46:28.000 They're just caught up in it.

00:46:31.000 And then after you're done, you're like, what the fuck did I do?

00:46:34.000 What did I do?

00:46:36.000 Before I had a baby, I had so much free time.

00:46:38.000 And I didn't realize how much of that time I just spent eating.

00:46:42.000 Like, really, just snacking on shit that I did not, and now I don't have the time to, you know, you lose the baby weight gradually.

00:46:51.000 It wasn't an effort, because I don't have fucking time.

00:46:53.000 I used to graze out of boredom or depression or on the road or whatever, and then, you know, you don't need to eat half the shit.

00:47:01.000 I didn't need to eat half the shit I was eating.

00:47:03.000 It's simple mouth pleasure.

00:47:05.000 Yeah.

00:47:05.000 You've got to look at it.

00:47:07.000 There's two different things going on at the same time.

00:47:09.000 One, there's a simple mouth pleasure.

00:47:11.000 Like when you eat lasagna or something like that.

00:47:15.000 It's so fun to brought that up.

00:47:16.000 I couldn't even do it last weekend.

00:47:18.000 It was too many carbs.

00:47:19.000 I felt like it was so heavy.

00:47:20.000 I know.

00:47:21.000 I miss pasta.

00:47:22.000 It's so good.

00:47:22.000 Pasta's good.

00:47:23.000 You know what I broke on for a day and I just had a little bit?

00:47:26.000 I love like...

00:47:28.000 A really, like the properly made way, rice, like a rice that's made, you know, not like quick rice, but like boiled and someone makes rice perfect.

00:47:39.000 Yeah, our Guatemalan nanny did it.

00:47:41.000 She's great.

00:47:42.000 Yeah, I had a cheesesteak in Philly on Saturday night.

00:47:47.000 Get your life.

00:47:47.000 How was that?

00:47:48.000 It was awesome.

00:47:50.000 Where'd you go?

00:47:50.000 Are you going to give them a plug?

00:47:52.000 I think it was Jim's.

00:47:54.000 Jim's?

00:47:55.000 Jim's steak.

00:47:55.000 Yeah.

00:47:56.000 It's good.

00:47:57.000 Me and Tony found the place that had the most authentic reviews.

00:48:00.000 Okay.

00:48:00.000 Yeah.

00:48:01.000 That's from my Instagram with them cooking it in front of you.

00:48:03.000 Yeah.

00:48:04.000 Come on, son.

00:48:05.000 They put Cheez Whiz on it, which in retrospect was a mistake.

00:48:08.000 Really?

00:48:09.000 I should have gone with Provolone.

00:48:10.000 I go Provolone.

00:48:11.000 Yeah, and the guy was like, do you want to try Wiz?

00:48:13.000 I go, what is that?

00:48:14.000 He goes, Cheez Wiz?

00:48:15.000 I go, really?

00:48:15.000 He goes, that's how we do it.

00:48:17.000 That's how some OG moves, yeah.

00:48:19.000 I always thought that was disgusting.

00:48:20.000 I like processed cheese.

00:48:22.000 I'm real white trash, though.

00:48:23.000 I like all that stuff.

00:48:25.000 I like Provolone.

00:48:25.000 Shaky cheese.

00:48:26.000 It just doesn't taste as good.

00:48:28.000 Provolone tastes better.

00:48:29.000 Way better.

00:48:29.000 Thank you.

00:48:31.000 Chopped onions?

00:48:32.000 You do onions?

00:48:32.000 Oh, yeah.

00:48:33.000 Peppers.

00:48:34.000 Peppers, mushrooms.

00:48:34.000 What kind of peanut butter?

00:48:36.000 Hot pepper, too.

00:48:36.000 You like Jif over Skippy?

00:48:39.000 I like that no sugar peanut butter that you have to stick the knife in and make a mess on your countertop because you've got to stir the oil in.

00:48:45.000 You've got to do it yourself.

00:48:47.000 I like that stuff.

00:48:48.000 If you had to go Skippy or Jif, this is kind of a battle for us.

00:48:52.000 Who would you go with Jif?

00:48:53.000 Be honest, okay?

00:48:54.000 Skippy.

00:48:55.000 Yes!

00:48:56.000 You've never been a friend.

00:48:58.000 I love this.

00:48:59.000 But Jiff is a little more peanut-ier.

00:49:01.000 See, Jiffy is like a little bit more sugary, but Jiff is more peanut-y.

00:49:07.000 Maybe I got those reversed.

00:49:09.000 But Skippy does taste more processed, but I like the taste.

00:49:14.000 Yeah, it does taste more, right?

00:49:15.000 Am I right?

00:49:16.000 Yes.

00:49:16.000 Jif is more peace.

00:49:17.000 Yes, that's right.

00:49:18.000 So now you're correcting yourself.

00:49:20.000 I got it.

00:49:20.000 So you're team Jif.

00:49:22.000 He said Skippy.

00:49:24.000 Really?

00:49:25.000 Yeah, because it's like candy.

00:49:26.000 I'm eating candy.

00:49:27.000 Yeah, it's so good.

00:49:27.000 I know I'm not really eating peanut butter.

00:49:29.000 Right.

00:49:30.000 Or I am eating peanut butter, but it's like peanut butter cups.

00:49:32.000 Yes.

00:49:33.000 Oh, those are the best.

00:49:33.000 I love those.

00:49:34.000 Oh, Reese cups, yeah.

00:49:36.000 Yeah.

00:49:36.000 I know.

00:49:37.000 Goddamn.

00:49:37.000 Yeah.

00:49:37.000 And for like 20 years, we never knew, basically, that that's not really what peanut butter is.

00:49:43.000 Tastes like, you know?

00:49:44.000 Right.

00:49:44.000 Yeah, you're just like having it, and you're like, this is candy.

00:49:47.000 Like, peanut butter is candy.

00:49:49.000 It's like, no, it's not supposed to taste like that.

00:49:51.000 And then you get it as a kid, and you're at lunch, and it was just sugar layer, and then a sugar layer of jelly.

00:49:55.000 Of jelly?

00:49:56.000 Yeah.

00:49:56.000 Well, when I was a kid, my parents made me eat healthy.

00:49:59.000 Yeah.

00:50:00.000 My parents were hippies when I was a kid, and they made me eat healthy.

00:50:04.000 Really?

00:50:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:04.000 My stepdad was a total hippie.

00:50:06.000 Like, he had hair down to his ass.

00:50:08.000 Aww.

00:50:08.000 And my mom was a hippie too.

00:50:10.000 We lived in San Francisco, the whole deal.

00:50:11.000 And we ate wheat bread with that fucking nasty peanut butter that you had to stir with a knife.

00:50:15.000 Really?

00:50:15.000 And when you're a little kid, you're so bummed out because everybody else has white bread.

00:50:19.000 Yeah.

00:50:19.000 And they have where the jelly goes into the bread and like it turns like, it's like, you ever see like a nice smoked meat where it gets that layer on the outside of darkness and it's like a ring, like a smoke wing?

00:50:31.000 Yeah.

00:50:32.000 A peanut butter and jelly sandwich on like Wonder Bread?

00:50:35.000 Yeah.

00:50:35.000 The jelly starts to leak into the bread.

00:50:38.000 Because it's so shitty.

00:50:40.000 A fine crust.

00:50:41.000 Yeah.

00:50:42.000 But those, they would melt in your mouth.

00:50:45.000 You would eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on Jif with a dessert for lunch.

00:50:51.000 Yeah.

00:50:51.000 With Wonder Bread, rather, and with a glass of milk.

00:50:54.000 Yeah.

00:50:54.000 So good.

00:50:55.000 Yeah.

00:50:55.000 She had, like, Cold War lunches from her day.

00:50:59.000 Tell them what you had for lunch.

00:51:00.000 So my parents split.

00:51:03.000 I lived with my dad for a few years, and he would make me lunch.

00:51:06.000 It was a cut piece of bread off of a loaf, some Eastern European rye with no seed, and then butter, and then salami on butter, which is just grease on grease.

00:51:19.000 My stomach would hurt.

00:51:21.000 For a kid to go to lunch at school, it would be like...

00:51:23.000 We just have this fatty meat with butter.

00:51:28.000 With butter?

00:51:29.000 Yeah.

00:51:29.000 It's so fucked up.

00:51:30.000 Or jelly and butter.

00:51:32.000 Daily.

00:51:33.000 He just says, you should eat the way he eats.

00:51:35.000 Yes.

00:51:35.000 And he's like, he looks great.

00:51:37.000 He looks great.

00:51:37.000 He has colbac.

00:51:39.000 Again.

00:51:40.000 Like, you know, basically super fatty sausage.

00:51:43.000 And then he's like, eggs, onions, beer.

00:51:47.000 Where does he get his bread?

00:51:48.000 These loaves of bread?

00:51:49.000 Well, there's a place here in Woodland Hills.

00:51:51.000 It's called German Cold Cuts.

00:51:53.000 It's on Topanga Canyon.

00:51:54.000 I grew up going there.

00:51:56.000 It's a tiny little German place, and it's rye with no seeds.

00:51:59.000 Then there's another one.

00:52:00.000 Otto's in Burbank.

00:52:02.000 It's another German slash Hungarian.

00:52:03.000 They got all the treats.

00:52:05.000 And my dad is...

00:52:06.000 Like, we have cockroach DNA. Like, we're Eastern blockers.

00:52:11.000 I have relatives who, one guy drives a cab, 80 years old, never exercised, drinks a liter of vodka every day, smokes.

00:52:19.000 Like, it's just our family.

00:52:21.000 I do think it is, because she never gets sick either.

00:52:23.000 Never.

00:52:23.000 It's like so weird.

00:52:24.000 I'll get like a fucking flu.

00:52:26.000 I think I go to the hospital.

00:52:27.000 And she's like, like snips for a couple days.

00:52:30.000 She's like, I beat it.

00:52:31.000 Your people survive plays?

00:52:33.000 Strong like bull.

00:52:34.000 Yeah.

00:52:35.000 Resilient.

00:52:35.000 Think about like, like Eastern Bloc people.

00:52:38.000 Yeah.

00:52:39.000 Yeah.

00:52:39.000 Some of the hardiest people, if you think like hardy white folks.

00:52:42.000 Just the most tender, the sweetest, and the most kind and affectionate people.

00:52:46.000 But that's the thing I don't like, though, is that my parents are just so cold.

00:52:51.000 Like, my stepmom used to get offended when waiters would come to the table at a restaurant and be like, what's up, folks?

00:52:57.000 She's like, what is folks?

00:52:59.000 Fuck you, folks.

00:53:00.000 Like, they think that it's weakness to be friendly.

00:53:04.000 And smile.

00:53:04.000 If you're like, hi, how are you?

00:53:05.000 They just think you're dumb.

00:53:07.000 Wow, they went through too many wars.

00:53:08.000 Yes.

00:53:09.000 Their people went through too much chaos.

00:53:11.000 Too much trauma.

00:53:12.000 It had to be hard.

00:53:13.000 Yeah.

00:53:14.000 A lot of just, like, cold stares.

00:53:16.000 Yeah, that's my ex-stepmom.

00:53:18.000 He didn't like her.

00:53:19.000 Let me ask you this.

00:53:20.000 Do you think that's why...

00:53:21.000 Do you think Russians admire Putin because...

00:53:23.000 Yes.

00:53:24.000 But do you think they admire him because they're scared?

00:53:28.000 No.

00:53:29.000 Or do you think they admire him because they actually admire that hard-ass...

00:53:33.000 That's a cultural...

00:53:34.000 Bad motherfucker.

00:53:34.000 It's a cultural thing.

00:53:36.000 He'd be seen as a pussy if he were to be, you know, like our Obama.

00:53:41.000 Hey, how's it going?

00:53:42.000 Like, that stuff is considered, like, what are you fucking queer?

00:53:45.000 But a bunch are scared, too.

00:53:47.000 You think so?

00:53:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:53:48.000 Come on.

00:53:48.000 But he, like, jacks...

00:53:50.000 I don't know.

00:53:50.000 He jacks these guys that are billionaires.

00:53:52.000 Like, he takes over the companies and puts them in jail.

00:53:55.000 There's good reason to be scared.

00:53:57.000 But I feel like they've been scared for so many leaders.

00:54:01.000 I mean, look, they've been through communism.

00:54:03.000 Oh, did you guys see...

00:54:04.000 Just years.

00:54:05.000 I gotta remember this.

00:54:05.000 Did you guys see the assassination attempt on him recently?

00:54:08.000 No.

00:54:08.000 No?

00:54:09.000 Oh, my God.

00:54:10.000 It's crazy.

00:54:11.000 On Putin?

00:54:11.000 Somebody did a suicide assassination attempt on Putin, and the way they did it is, they were driving on the opposite side of the highway, and they drove head-on into his car.

00:54:20.000 Wow.

00:54:20.000 Like this.

00:54:21.000 He's on one side, they're on the other side, and they had a median.

00:54:25.000 And this guy drives in the center of the median, like before Putin's car comes, and when he sees Putin's car, he turns right into it.

00:54:31.000 So he knew it was that car.

00:54:33.000 Yeah.

00:54:34.000 And Putin wasn't in the car, but his driver was.

00:54:36.000 His driver was, and his driver was killed.

00:54:39.000 Oh, wow.

00:54:39.000 Yeah.

00:54:40.000 It's crazy.

00:54:41.000 And is there a video of this?

00:54:42.000 Yes.

00:54:42.000 Wow.

00:54:43.000 There's a couple videos from a couple different angles.

00:54:45.000 Wow.

00:54:45.000 It's crazy.

00:54:46.000 Those dashboard cameras they have over there?

00:54:48.000 No, no, no.

00:54:48.000 This is like a street camera.

00:54:50.000 So you can see the cars.

00:54:51.000 You can see the cars.

00:54:52.000 Holy moly.

00:54:53.000 And they see them slamming each other.

00:54:54.000 I mean, they go on like 80 miles an hour, both sides.

00:54:56.000 And is Putin's vehicle...

00:54:59.000 Everyone's dead.

00:55:00.000 But is his vehicle led and trailed by escort, by security, or no?

00:55:04.000 That's a good question.

00:55:05.000 I don't know.

00:55:06.000 Because Putin wasn't in the car.

00:55:08.000 Oh, right.

00:55:08.000 Maybe they thought he was in the car.

00:55:10.000 Maybe they had a heads up and they knew something was going on.

00:55:13.000 I mean, who the fuck knows?

00:55:14.000 I don't know.

00:55:15.000 Maybe they put him in a bunch of different, you know, had a bunch of different cars.

00:55:18.000 But you can see here.

00:55:19.000 Here, roll it back and watch this.

00:55:21.000 Boom.

00:55:22.000 That guy did that on purpose.

00:55:24.000 Roll it back again, Jamie.

00:55:26.000 Why does that thing keep shutting off?

00:55:28.000 Something wrong with the connector?

00:55:29.000 Boom.

00:55:30.000 See that?

00:55:31.000 Oh my god.

00:55:32.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:55:33.000 So there's a couple different angles of it, but the guy, like, literally just drove right into the other lane.

00:55:40.000 So that dude knew for sure that was, I mean, obviously to target that.

00:55:44.000 Wow.

00:55:45.000 Knew for sure to target it and knew for sure he was gonna die.

00:55:48.000 Watch this.

00:55:49.000 Boom.

00:55:51.000 Wow.

00:55:52.000 Yeah.

00:55:53.000 They're both dead.

00:55:54.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:55:56.000 Wow.

00:55:56.000 I mean, also just the precision of knowing.

00:55:59.000 Jesus Christ.

00:56:00.000 Yeah, the timing on that.

00:56:02.000 You've got to really get your timing right.

00:56:03.000 How did they know?

00:56:04.000 I mean, there must have been other people involved.

00:56:06.000 What am I, CSI? Wow.

00:56:09.000 Scary.

00:56:10.000 Yeah, it's fucked up.

00:56:12.000 He's a fascinating figure.

00:56:17.000 When those people exist in this day and age, like Kim Jong-un, when that guy exists in 2016, it makes you really stop and think, like, wow, he's a dictator of a whole country.

00:56:29.000 They're all terrified of him.

00:56:31.000 Did you see when North Korea accidentally let all of its websites become available for a brief moment of time?

00:56:37.000 They have 28 websites.

00:56:40.000 That's it?

00:56:40.000 There's only 28 websites in the internet in North Korea.

00:56:43.000 Yeah.

00:56:44.000 So the people that live in North Korea, they think that's the internet.

00:56:47.000 Wow.

00:56:47.000 It's got to be.

00:56:48.000 They're all state-run websites, right?

00:56:49.000 Yeah.

00:56:50.000 Yeah.

00:56:50.000 There's a list of them, but they made a list of the websites that- Are they like, uh, kingjeanmun is handsome.com, kingjeanmun is superfastrunner.com.

00:57:01.000 I thought you meant that it became free for a minute, and I was like, oh, I wonder how much porn was downloaded, like, immediately within 20- Could you imagine- It would be insane.

00:57:11.000 I think it was they just fucked up and let the rest of the world look at it.

00:57:15.000 Wow.

00:57:16.000 I saw that documentary where this big thing is that these South Koreans will put films on flash drives.

00:57:26.000 Films?

00:57:27.000 Yeah, movies.

00:57:28.000 On flash drives.

00:57:29.000 Oh, okay.

00:57:30.000 And then sneak flash drives.

00:57:32.000 Oh, over in North Korea?

00:57:33.000 And so that they can see other countries, landscapes, movies.

00:57:39.000 Wow.

00:57:40.000 And it just blows their minds.

00:57:42.000 I want to see what the websites were.

00:57:44.000 Did you find what the websites were?

00:57:46.000 This wasn't a great list on here.

00:57:48.000 I was going to search websites to find a better one.

00:57:50.000 Yeah, they have 28 websites, man.

00:57:54.000 Wow.

00:57:54.000 That's bananas.

00:57:56.000 It is all Kim Jong-un's hands.

00:57:57.000 There was a cooking one that showed off, and then Korean films.

00:58:02.000 Wow.

00:58:04.000 It's really strange.

00:58:05.000 Kim Jong-un's superlongdick.com.

00:58:09.000 Rudimentary.

00:58:11.000 Wow.

00:58:12.000 Rudimentary web design skills that are a hallmark of North Korea's online presence.

00:58:16.000 Yeah.

00:58:17.000 In fact, many of the websites appeared to have stopped functioning at all by Wednesday morning.

00:58:21.000 Wow.

00:58:22.000 What an insane world.

00:58:25.000 I wish I could see them.

00:58:26.000 It really is.

00:58:27.000 It's so sad when you think about that that's someone's whole existence to live there.

00:58:32.000 Well, did you see when Kim Jong-il died?

00:58:34.000 How fucking crazy that was?

00:58:36.000 They would go to jail.

00:58:37.000 You would be sentenced to jail if you didn't cry enough.

00:58:41.000 For months.

00:58:42.000 If they felt like you weren't crying enough, they would throw you in jail.

00:58:46.000 That is bananas.

00:58:48.000 The mourning.

00:58:49.000 It's insane.

00:58:50.000 People falling down the streets.

00:58:52.000 What is so amazing about North Korea is how they contain it like that.

00:58:56.000 Because my father grew up in communism in Hungary, but they could still hear the Beatles and shit, you know?

00:59:03.000 They still had access.

00:59:04.000 Nothing makes its way in here.

00:59:05.000 Wow.

00:59:06.000 This is so crazy, watching all these people lined up crying.

00:59:09.000 And they have to cry for long periods of time.

00:59:11.000 If you stop crying too early, they'll put you in jail.

00:59:14.000 People were arrested at these events for not crying enough.

00:59:19.000 God damn it, man.

00:59:21.000 Yeah.

00:59:21.000 It's so scary.

00:59:22.000 Now that guy's gonna get arrested on the end there.

00:59:24.000 For crying?

00:59:25.000 I didn't see him cry enough.

00:59:25.000 Can't blow your nose on the flag.

00:59:26.000 No.

00:59:27.000 Yeah, dude.

00:59:27.000 This guy's blowing his nose on the flag.

00:59:29.000 Show a little emotion.

00:59:30.000 Come on, guys.

00:59:31.000 That's a good one.

00:59:32.000 That's an exemplary.

00:59:33.000 It's like a Pentecostal guy.

00:59:35.000 Yeah.

00:59:35.000 He's in tongues.

00:59:36.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:59:39.000 Oh, my God.

00:59:40.000 Yeah.

00:59:41.000 Wow.

00:59:42.000 You know, North Korea has, allegedly, this might all be U.S. propaganda...

00:59:47.000 No, they allegedly have these prison camps where people are born prisoners.

00:59:52.000 They're born into it.

00:59:53.000 And this one guy got free and gave all this testimony, explained what it was like in those camps.

01:00:00.000 And then he turned his own mother in for something that she had done.

01:00:03.000 And they showed how different jobs are given to different people depending on what level of decrepidness they're...

01:00:11.000 Is that a word?

01:00:12.000 Sure.

01:00:13.000 Decrepitude?

01:00:14.000 Decrepit, yeah.

01:00:16.000 Decrepit.

01:00:16.000 Decrepit-ness?

01:00:17.000 Sure.

01:00:18.000 I'm gonna let you take the lead on that one.

01:00:20.000 Uh, fucked-up-edness?

01:00:22.000 That's a word.

01:00:23.000 How much you've, you know, decayed.

01:00:26.000 Yeah.

01:00:26.000 I mean, they're, like, not, you know, starving people out, and then they would feed them to dogs.

01:00:30.000 Oh, my God.

01:00:31.000 Yeah, and this guy was, like, showing the levels.

01:00:32.000 Like, he drew pictures of, like, what people looked like when they would do certain jobs, and once you couldn't do physical labor anymore, they would just fucking feed you to animals.

01:00:41.000 They also do this thing where, like, if you fuck up, or let's say you escape, you were a North Korean citizen, you escape, they would go round up your family.

01:00:52.000 And put them in jail.

01:00:53.000 And they have a two-generation policy there, so that your kids and their kids will live in the labor camps.

01:01:04.000 Jesus Christ.

01:01:05.000 Well, during communism, my dad said that they would encourage the children at school to rat out their parents.

01:01:11.000 If you hear your parents saying anything against the government, you're supposed to rat your parents out.

01:01:17.000 And then kids would end up doing that.

01:01:19.000 And then they'd come to your door and take you away.

01:01:21.000 I think that thing is called Escape from Camp 19 or Escape from Camp 14. That documentary?

01:01:27.000 Yeah.

01:01:27.000 Didn't we see that?

01:01:28.000 And then that guy got free and then he was still living as though he was in North Korea.

01:01:32.000 Well, he preferred sleeping on the floor because he slept on the floor for like 25 years.

01:01:37.000 So sad.

01:01:37.000 You know?

01:01:38.000 And he couldn't adapt.

01:01:40.000 He just couldn't adapt.

01:01:41.000 There it is.

01:01:41.000 Escape from Camp 14. Yeah, we saw that.

01:01:43.000 It's a good one.

01:01:44.000 And something came out about him later that he had made up some things.

01:01:49.000 Not that his whole story was made up, but he fabricated something.

01:01:53.000 I would imagine that if you lived in a prison camp your whole life, you have some serious mental illness.

01:01:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:59.000 The idea that we could think that this guy's going to be sane, then we hold him up to some sort of standard.

01:02:04.000 Well, you can't even buy what he said.

01:02:05.000 Don't you know he lied?

01:02:06.000 He's such a liar.

01:02:08.000 Right, right.

01:02:08.000 Such a liar.

01:02:09.000 You know what he said his biggest fantasy was in that?

01:02:12.000 Meat.

01:02:13.000 Eating meat.

01:02:14.000 Whoa.

01:02:15.000 Like, that's what he would dream about, going to get a steak.

01:02:17.000 Oh my god.

01:02:18.000 Yeah.

01:02:20.000 Man.

01:02:21.000 2016. They're still doing that to people right now.

01:02:24.000 It's so crazy, dude.

01:02:25.000 Yeah.

01:02:26.000 Well, you know, I had George Perez on.

01:02:28.000 You know George Perez?

01:02:29.000 The comic?

01:02:30.000 Yeah.

01:02:31.000 George did some time in jail.

01:02:32.000 He did?

01:02:33.000 Yeah.

01:02:33.000 Like a long time ago?

01:02:34.000 Yeah, a few years back.

01:02:35.000 Early 2000s for a fight at a basketball game.

01:02:38.000 Wow.

01:02:39.000 Some street basketball game.

01:02:40.000 Beat some dude up.

01:02:41.000 And then years later he was on MTV and the dude saw him on TV. I heard about that.

01:02:46.000 What?

01:02:46.000 Yeah.

01:02:46.000 And that's how he got arrested?

01:02:48.000 Yeah, that's how he got arrested.

01:02:49.000 And then he did prison time?

01:02:50.000 Yeah, he did three years.

01:02:52.000 Holy shit.

01:02:53.000 He's fucking hilarious, by the way.

01:02:54.000 And his stories are hilarious.

01:02:56.000 He's just a funny, funny dude.

01:02:57.000 But when he was talking about prison, it got me thinking.

01:03:01.000 He was talking about how much people make.

01:03:03.000 And he was talking like 38 cents an hour or something like that?

01:03:06.000 Yeah.

01:03:07.000 Isn't that one of the things that he said?

01:03:09.000 Something ridiculously low.

01:03:11.000 And then I'm like, okay, how is that not slavery?

01:03:15.000 How are you...

01:03:17.000 Not only are you putting someone in jail where they can't go anywhere, but you are forcing them to work at this insanely low rate that no one would ever work for.

01:03:27.000 That's true.

01:03:28.000 When you look at the definition of slavery, if you say, well, slavery ended in 1865...

01:03:33.000 How is slavery done in 1865 when you have men literally in chain gangs breaking rocks?

01:03:39.000 Well, we wrote it down on paper.

01:03:41.000 So, you know, well, this guy robbed a purse.

01:03:44.000 Or whatever reason you put those people in.

01:03:46.000 I mean, either kill them or, you know, you can't force someone to break rocks, right?

01:03:54.000 You can't force them to work for 13 cents an hour or whatever it is.

01:03:57.000 Do they do that still in places?

01:03:58.000 Some places.

01:03:59.000 Yeah.

01:04:00.000 I think that one of the last places that still, or I don't know if they still do, was in Louisiana.

01:04:04.000 What's that Louisiana prison that's really famous?

01:04:06.000 They had chain gangs.

01:04:07.000 Is that the one where they made the inmates wear pink and stuff?

01:04:10.000 No, that's in Arizona.

01:04:12.000 That's a fun one.

01:04:13.000 That's Joe Arpaio, right?

01:04:15.000 Yeah.

01:04:16.000 That guy's crazy.

01:04:17.000 Sheriff Joe.

01:04:17.000 That's where Mike Tyson had to go.

01:04:19.000 He went there?

01:04:20.000 Mike Tyson had to wear pink.

01:04:22.000 What?

01:04:22.000 Caught with the cocaine.

01:04:24.000 Was it Coke?

01:04:27.000 Yeah.

01:04:28.000 He wore pink.

01:04:28.000 Yeah, he wore pink.

01:04:29.000 He only had to do a couple of days, but it was, you know, one of those proof of point type things.

01:04:33.000 Wow.

01:04:34.000 You know, that even Mike Tyson has to wear the pink.

01:04:37.000 Wow.

01:04:37.000 Yeah.

01:04:38.000 Now, this is stupid, but their commissary is cheaper, right?

01:04:41.000 Like, maybe it's all adjusted for prison inflation.

01:04:44.000 I don't think it works like that.

01:04:46.000 America's only female what?

01:04:47.000 Chain gang.

01:04:48.000 The women who pull weeds and bury unclaimed bodies in it.

01:04:51.000 What?

01:04:51.000 Bury unclaimed bodies?

01:04:53.000 Oh, shit.

01:04:53.000 How often does that come up?

01:04:55.000 That's number two.

01:04:56.000 Pull weeds, number one.

01:04:57.000 Bury unclaimed bodies, number two.

01:04:59.000 Number three, pick up cans.

01:05:01.000 Wow.

01:05:02.000 That sucks so bad.

01:05:03.000 In the Arizona desert to avoid 23 hours of lockdown in country's toughest jail.

01:05:09.000 Wow, they're all chained up, man.

01:05:11.000 Damn.

01:05:12.000 I just, you gotta wonder, like, at what point is it slavery?

01:05:19.000 I wonder which one of these girls would be my prison girlfriend.

01:05:21.000 What do you think, Tom?

01:05:24.000 That's nuts, dude.

01:05:24.000 They're burning an unclaimed body.

01:05:26.000 I'd hook up with the glasses.

01:05:28.000 I'd hook up with that chick.

01:05:29.000 This is probably like people that are border crossing and then wind up dehydrating and dying out there.

01:05:36.000 That's gotta be so brutal.

01:05:38.000 Through Arizona?

01:05:39.000 In the summer?

01:05:40.000 You ever go to Phoenix in the summer?

01:05:42.000 Yeah.

01:05:42.000 And you're like, okay.

01:05:44.000 140 degrees.

01:05:46.000 140. Wow.

01:05:47.000 That's like the Middle East, dude.

01:05:49.000 140 degrees, and they're working outside, packing weeds.

01:05:53.000 Holy shit.

01:05:54.000 Get your life.

01:05:56.000 Do you think you can get sunblock?

01:05:57.000 Can you request that, you think, in jail?

01:06:00.000 Yeah, sure.

01:06:00.000 I think for some people, if you were an Irish guy with red hair...

01:06:03.000 I mean, I'm really fair.

01:06:04.000 I'll burn.

01:06:05.000 Excuse me, Sheriff.

01:06:07.000 They would catch you talking Spanish, though, and they'd go, fuck that guy.

01:06:10.000 Fuck that guy, yeah.

01:06:10.000 He knows how to get tan.

01:06:12.000 There's a blonde chick.

01:06:13.000 Because you speak fluent Spanish.

01:06:15.000 I've seen people talk shit in Spanish around Tommy.

01:06:18.000 I know.

01:06:18.000 And then Tommy will say something in Spanish to them, and they'll go, oh, the white guy knows Spanish.

01:06:22.000 The best trick.

01:06:23.000 I'm doing a Spanish talk show on Monday.

01:06:25.000 No.

01:06:26.000 Yeah.

01:06:26.000 I'm doing Noches Complatanito on Monday.

01:06:28.000 See, when he starts doing it in real Spanish Spanish, you're like, oh, this is legit Spanish.

01:06:32.000 It's scary a little, right?

01:06:33.000 It's a little alarming.

01:06:34.000 The host is a clown, you know?

01:06:37.000 It's like a guy in full clown makeup.

01:06:39.000 Are you going to go on as your rapper?

01:06:40.000 I don't know.

01:06:41.000 I thought about it.

01:06:42.000 I don't know.

01:06:42.000 What is the rapper's name again?

01:06:43.000 DJ Dadmouth.

01:06:44.000 And if you haven't seen it, folks, DJ Dadmouth is how Tom gets...

01:06:48.000 It's one thing that everybody hates.

01:06:50.000 Everybody hates...

01:06:50.000 I mean, not everybody, but most comics do not like doing morning TV shows.

01:06:55.000 They're probably the most watered down...

01:06:57.000 It's like pretending that a glass that's one quarter low-fat milk and three quarters water, that it tastes good.

01:07:04.000 That's a good way of putting it.

01:07:05.000 That's really good, yeah.

01:07:06.000 I know.

01:07:06.000 It's like you can drink it.

01:07:07.000 It's not going to give you any pain, but it's not good.

01:07:09.000 You're not enjoying it.

01:07:10.000 It's the worst.

01:07:11.000 I don't know.

01:07:11.000 It's a hard gig to have.

01:07:13.000 Nachos con platanito.

01:07:13.000 There you are.

01:07:14.000 That'll be Monday.

01:07:16.000 Nachos con...

01:07:17.000 What does that mean, Tommy?

01:07:18.000 Con platanito.

01:07:19.000 Nights with...

01:07:20.000 Nights of the plantains?

01:07:21.000 No, well, his name, platanito, is like little banana.

01:07:24.000 Nights with little banana.

01:07:25.000 Man, I wanted you to go on Sabado Domingo, that show.

01:07:29.000 Which one's it called?

01:07:30.000 No, no, Sabado Gigante.

01:07:31.000 That's my jam.

01:07:32.000 What's Sabado Gigante?

01:07:34.000 Giant Saturday.

01:07:36.000 Yeah.

01:07:37.000 It's been on for like 30 years.

01:07:40.000 Like 40 years or something, yeah.

01:07:41.000 And it's the show, the Latin show.

01:07:43.000 And we were in Florida once in Miami in a hotel room.

01:07:46.000 He was sick.

01:07:46.000 And we were watching just hours of it because it'll have everything.

01:07:50.000 I think it ended.

01:07:51.000 It's like paternity testing.

01:07:52.000 And that guy's been the host.

01:07:53.000 That's him!

01:07:54.000 That guy's been the host forever.

01:07:56.000 It's comedy sketches.

01:07:58.000 They have paternity testing.

01:08:00.000 They have just every...

01:08:01.000 Yeah, see?

01:08:02.000 Sluts.

01:08:02.000 They've got everything on the show.

01:08:04.000 I think you just slut shamed.

01:08:05.000 How dare you?

01:08:07.000 You just slut shamed.

01:08:08.000 Slut shamed.

01:08:11.000 Isn't that funny that that's a real expression now?

01:08:13.000 And fat shaming and slut shaming.

01:08:16.000 Yeah, scion.

01:08:18.000 And pronoun shaming.

01:08:19.000 What's your pronoun, Joe?

01:08:21.000 I prefer Z. I like Z, H, and two E's.

01:08:27.000 That's my pronoun.

01:08:28.000 I like that.

01:08:29.000 What's your gender?

01:08:30.000 I'm sure you saw the His Majesty thing, right?

01:08:32.000 You saw that?

01:08:32.000 Huh?

01:08:33.000 Oh, you haven't seen this?

01:08:34.000 Huh?

01:08:34.000 Yes!

01:08:35.000 So, University of Michigan, like a lot of universities, is now doing this, you know, like you sign up for class, your professor sends out an email to the entire class, I'm Professor Joe Rogan, my preferred pronouns are he,

01:08:50.000 him, and then this one kid was able to, because you can voluntarily choose your pronoun, he was like, mine is His Majesty.

01:08:58.000 I love it.

01:08:58.000 What a good kid.

01:08:59.000 Work the system.

01:09:00.000 His whole thing was to point out the absurdity of it, but then people were like, you're a fucking asshole.

01:09:06.000 They're all mad at him now.

01:09:08.000 His name is Grant Strobel, chairman of the Young Americans Foundation, used the new policy to update his preferred pronoun to His Majesty.

01:09:15.000 How could they be mad at him?

01:09:16.000 That is no more ridiculous than H-I-R. Of course.

01:09:20.000 There's like 18 different gender pronouns now that have been identified.

01:09:24.000 And we also know there's astral gendered, if you're feeling like you're part of the cosmos.

01:09:28.000 Aren't you poly?

01:09:29.000 I'm poly and bi.

01:09:31.000 Yeah.

01:09:32.000 You put it on his podcast or his Twitter page.

01:09:37.000 Yeah.

01:09:38.000 It was like Bi Awareness Day.

01:09:40.000 And then some guy, a real professor, was tweeting and he retweeted it.

01:09:48.000 Something that was so close to parody.

01:09:50.000 What the fuck did he say?

01:09:51.000 He was just like...

01:09:52.000 The wording of it was too absurd to even recall, but it was like, remember when you're...

01:09:59.000 Today on Bi Awareness Day, your gender and your...

01:10:04.000 To be bi is not to be gender-specific, but your specificity of your gender can also dictate what your sexuality might be.

01:10:15.000 Like, what?

01:10:16.000 Like, something like that.

01:10:17.000 Something...

01:10:18.000 I don't know.

01:10:19.000 What?

01:10:19.000 Confusing, yeah.

01:10:20.000 And then it was like, happy by awareness.

01:10:22.000 You know, I finally used an all-gender restroom in Portland.

01:10:26.000 And it was at a gay bar.

01:10:28.000 And I got, like, I didn't enjoy it.

01:10:30.000 And it's not because of the whole pronoun thing.

01:10:32.000 It's because you've got, like, dudes taking gnarly shits next to you.

01:10:36.000 And I don't need it.

01:10:37.000 Yeah.

01:10:37.000 I don't need it.

01:10:38.000 Yeah.

01:10:38.000 I don't need it.

01:10:40.000 Zim's or Zay's.

01:10:42.000 I'm poly and bi, and I'm also fluid gender.

01:10:45.000 My favorite thing is to be fluid gender, because you can go, mmm, however you're feeling in the moment.

01:10:52.000 But people have to know what to call you, so you have to update them on your pronouns constantly.

01:10:58.000 We saw this video of this guy who was like, you know you should really respect people's pronouns.

01:11:04.000 Which I'm like, okay.

01:11:06.000 Then he goes, and if you see somebody and you're not sure, just ask them.

01:11:09.000 Be like, hey, what's your pronoun?

01:11:11.000 To which I say, no you fucking don't.

01:11:14.000 You're not going to just see somebody and be like, hey, I'm just wondering.

01:11:18.000 What's his pronoun?

01:11:19.000 I think the onus should be on the person.

01:11:21.000 Steven Crowder has a fucking hilarious video where he actually does this.

01:11:26.000 Really?

01:11:27.000 Yeah, he goes out and asks people what their preferred gender pronouns are, and the looks they give him, like he goes to grown adults and goes up to them on the street and just talks to them and just wonders what their preferred gender pronoun is.

01:11:39.000 Nobody knows what the fuck you're talking about.

01:11:41.000 It's preposterous.

01:11:42.000 I can't wait for the backlash just from this.

01:11:45.000 What's that video of that guy Dustin?

01:11:47.000 Dakota?

01:11:48.000 Dakota.

01:11:49.000 Yeah.

01:11:50.000 We have to show Joe that one.

01:11:51.000 Dakota's amazing.

01:11:53.000 They sent you the thing, yeah.

01:11:55.000 Dakota's incredible.

01:11:56.000 You gotta see this Zimzer.

01:11:58.000 Zimzer?

01:11:59.000 Zimzerze.

01:12:00.000 Oh, for the different gender pronouns?

01:12:02.000 Why is it so hard?

01:12:03.000 Why can't you just do what they ask?

01:12:05.000 My pronouns are not preferred.

01:12:07.000 See, and the thing is, I feel like there's enough people going, okay, really, that it's kind of a legitimate thing to not be 100% on board with this, you know?

01:12:17.000 Because I feel a little like, oh, am I on the wrong end of history?

01:12:20.000 Pronouns are not preferred.

01:12:22.000 Ask a gender terrorist.

01:12:24.000 There he is.

01:12:24.000 Hey y'all, it's Dakota, and this is the newest video on my Ask a Gender Terrorist playlist on my channel.

01:12:33.000 Are we allowed to play this without...

01:12:36.000 Huh?

01:12:37.000 Yeah, you can't.

01:12:38.000 Oh, you can't just play it?

01:12:39.000 Well, we're not showing it on YouTube, are we?

01:12:41.000 I have it, like, picture in picture, but I'll take it off.

01:12:43.000 Yeah, take it off.

01:12:44.000 I don't, it's, this dude's stuff.

01:12:47.000 This is not a dude.

01:12:49.000 Whatever it is.

01:12:49.000 Yeah, it's not.

01:12:50.000 It's got a beard.

01:12:51.000 No, no, no.

01:12:52.000 It doesn't have a preferred gender pronoun?

01:12:54.000 Well, that's what we're going to get to.

01:12:56.000 So that's the thing now, right?

01:12:58.000 You can kind of be whatever you want to be.

01:13:00.000 Yeah, which is fine, I guess.

01:13:01.000 I just think it's funny that some people are saying that you should see this individual and lead with...

01:13:12.000 It's almost like it's rude for you to assume, which I think is absurd that it's rude to assume.

01:13:18.000 If you're going to dictate a different pronoun, I think that should be on you.

01:13:23.000 It should be on a status, like you should just show people.

01:13:26.000 Yeah.

01:13:27.000 Some people do have these little stickers that they put on, my preferred gender pronoun is.

01:13:31.000 That's cool.

01:13:32.000 Well, there's a Radiolab, and this is one of my all-time favorite ones.

01:13:36.000 There's a Radiolab podcast, and they take it so seriously because it's Radiolab.

01:13:40.000 And there's a guy on it who's clearly out of his fucking mind, and he goes back and forth between male and female.

01:13:49.000 During the podcast?

01:13:50.000 He switches while he's talking to you.

01:13:52.000 Oh my goodness.

01:13:52.000 He goes, I just switched.

01:13:53.000 I just switched.

01:13:54.000 I'm the man now.

01:13:55.000 And you're like, well, okay, when do you get to be a dragon?

01:13:58.000 When do you get to read minds?

01:14:00.000 When do you get to tell the future?

01:14:01.000 Then we're supposed to respect this?

01:14:03.000 You have to, because it has to do with gender.

01:14:05.000 So if this guy was telling you about his past lives as a Roman gladiator, or if he was telling you about the future when the starships land, you would think that he's a crazy person, right?

01:14:17.000 Right.

01:14:18.000 I think it right now.

01:14:19.000 But when you talk about gender, as soon as you start talking about gender...

01:14:25.000 You're supposed to give people the benefit of all doubt.

01:14:28.000 Even if you think you're switching gender back and forth as you're talking.

01:14:32.000 The idea that your gender is like some sort of a seesaw.

01:14:35.000 You're on the precipice.

01:14:36.000 And you can just go left or right and left or right.

01:14:39.000 It is you close-minded asshole.

01:14:41.000 You just decide.

01:14:42.000 You don't understand, Joe.

01:14:44.000 But here's the thing.

01:14:45.000 Aren't we different a lot of the time?

01:14:47.000 Yes, I agree.

01:14:48.000 And why can't that difference be expressed in gender?

01:14:50.000 Like you the other day when you were cranky because you didn't get your sugar.

01:14:53.000 Yeah.

01:14:53.000 Right?

01:14:54.000 Yeah.

01:14:55.000 You decide.

01:14:57.000 You have a different personality trait.

01:15:00.000 You fell into this bitchy sort of thing, right?

01:15:03.000 But doesn't that feeling...

01:15:06.000 Wait a minute, that's sexist and...

01:15:07.000 I think I need to fire a joint up.

01:15:09.000 Gender-phobic.

01:15:10.000 I'm getting nervous.

01:15:13.000 I'm looking forward to ignoring so many emails that are going to come into my inbox about this conversation.

01:15:18.000 Me too.

01:15:19.000 But people get mad.

01:15:20.000 Oh, I know.

01:15:21.000 They're going to get so mad.

01:15:22.000 My point is, like, we've talked about this.

01:15:24.000 Like, if you're feeling particularly lovey-dovey, right?

01:15:29.000 You're petting kittens and you're putting your daughter's hair in ponytails.

01:15:35.000 It's a more feminine feeling.

01:15:36.000 So did you switch genders at that moment?

01:15:39.000 No.

01:15:40.000 Specifically, this guy wanted to go back and forth to being recognized as a man and then recognized as a woman.

01:15:46.000 In the middle of the conversation.

01:15:47.000 And then as he goes back and forth, he becomes a totally different person.

01:15:50.000 Like he's not going to tolerate any bullshit.

01:15:53.000 I think he was in the military, too.

01:15:55.000 There was a lot of weirdness to the story.

01:15:57.000 And he's under the care of a psychiatrist, though, right?

01:16:00.000 No, no, no.

01:16:00.000 He's out wandering around getting government grants.

01:16:03.000 Great.

01:16:03.000 Oh, wow.

01:16:04.000 I have no idea.

01:16:05.000 I have no idea what he's doing.

01:16:07.000 I just, you never go, like, if someone goes back and forth and pretends to be Hungarian, like, I'm Hungarian, now I'm from Ireland.

01:16:18.000 Right.

01:16:19.000 No, but I feel today, now I'm Hungarian again.

01:16:21.000 Right, I'm identifying that way.

01:16:22.000 But that's fine.

01:16:23.000 Like, here's the thing, if you want to identify throughout the day, sometimes I am more masculine.

01:16:28.000 When I'm at the comedy store performing, I am I'm very alpha male.

01:16:32.000 It's macho.

01:16:33.000 But do I have to demand that people know what to call me at every given moment?

01:16:39.000 That's a little unrealistic.

01:16:40.000 Well, it's a new thing.

01:16:43.000 It's so presumptuous and narcissistic that you should know what to call me all the time.

01:16:48.000 Does this person at least say, like right now, address me as her?

01:16:52.000 Yeah, he has like two different names.

01:16:55.000 And he just snaps in and out of them.

01:16:56.000 I might be misgendering or not, depending on how he or she hears this at the moment.

01:17:02.000 Good point.

01:17:04.000 If you're in a conversation with that person, would you feel like that's something that you'd be like, oh, okay, I'll respect your wishes.

01:17:14.000 Blah!

01:17:15.000 I'm not changing your gender.

01:17:17.000 You gotta pick one.

01:17:19.000 If you say girl, okay, you're a girl.

01:17:22.000 I'm cool with that.

01:17:22.000 I don't have any problem with that.

01:17:24.000 But you can't go back and forth.

01:17:26.000 Okay, or I can't talk to you.

01:17:27.000 It's too much work.

01:17:28.000 That's the point.

01:17:29.000 I think that's the whole thing.

01:17:31.000 It's too much fucking work.

01:17:33.000 And if you're an adult that's got a full life, how the fuck...

01:17:36.000 You have room in your head for the Zimzer Zs every second changing.

01:17:40.000 Well, not only that, that's somebody else's issue, right?

01:17:43.000 What about yourself?

01:17:44.000 You know, I don't have any room to communicate with you because you're concentrating on yourself so much.

01:17:51.000 You want people to change how they address you.

01:17:53.000 How about just, can you just change how you feel occasionally and not have a new fucking name?

01:17:58.000 That's right.

01:17:59.000 Three o'clock in the afternoon?

01:18:01.000 Now I'm Bob.

01:18:02.000 Right.

01:18:02.000 Why do we have to label it every moment of every day?

01:18:06.000 Well, it's a super self-indulgent thing.

01:18:08.000 And that's what you're getting out of this.

01:18:10.000 And that's what, like, the people that are, you know, they're being labeled as insensitive.

01:18:14.000 Like, that's kind of the point.

01:18:15.000 The point is, like, yeah, you're supposed to be insensitive of nonsense.

01:18:18.000 Yeah.

01:18:18.000 Yeah, this deserves a fair amount of mockery.

01:18:21.000 It really does.

01:18:21.000 I agree.

01:18:22.000 A fair amount.

01:18:22.000 But we're afraid to, in part, because we're going to get shamed on Twitter, people are going to call us phobic of this and that, even if you say something remotely unpolitically correct or whatever.

01:18:33.000 Look, there's a bunch of people out there that are just not happy.

01:18:36.000 And they might not be happy with their gender, they might not be happy with the way they look, they might not be happy with how old they are, they might not be happy with a bunch of different things.

01:18:45.000 But we have, like, rules...

01:18:47.000 As far as what you can change and what you can't change.

01:18:51.000 And we're allowing people now, this is like a really recent thing, to just decide to change your gender.

01:18:57.000 Which doesn't affect me.

01:18:59.000 I want people to have freedom.

01:19:01.000 It doesn't bother me.

01:19:03.000 But what is this?

01:19:05.000 There's an addendum to the Radiolab story.

01:19:08.000 She made them edit out the references to her actually changing her identity, I guess.

01:19:13.000 She stopped switching.

01:19:15.000 What?

01:19:16.000 After all this?

01:19:17.000 It says right here, she no longer flips.

01:19:19.000 She no longer flips.

01:19:21.000 Interesting.

01:19:22.000 She now remains comfortable as a queer trans woman.

01:19:26.000 What does that mean?

01:19:27.000 A gay?

01:19:29.000 Queer is not gay, though.

01:19:31.000 It's not?

01:19:31.000 No.

01:19:32.000 Oh, I thought it meant that...

01:19:33.000 Queer is, like, weird.

01:19:35.000 Like, you can do both.

01:19:36.000 Right?

01:19:37.000 Isn't it?

01:19:37.000 What is queer?

01:19:39.000 I thought queer was gay.

01:19:42.000 No, gay is gay.

01:19:43.000 Queer is not gay.

01:19:45.000 Queer is, like, non-defined.

01:19:47.000 Okay.

01:19:48.000 So, a non-defined trans...

01:19:54.000 That's Tom's domain.

01:19:55.000 Tom, can you explain this?

01:19:57.000 Yeah, I mean...

01:19:58.000 Break it down for us, please.

01:20:02.000 Well, you guys, you fall on the binary spectrum.

01:20:04.000 We're cisgendered, privileged.

01:20:06.000 Okay, here we go.

01:20:08.000 She had a queer feeling.

01:20:09.000 Nope, that's not it.

01:20:10.000 A homosexual.

01:20:11.000 Nope.

01:20:12.000 See, they're using it different now.

01:20:14.000 See, it used to be homosexual, but it's not just homosexual anymore.

01:20:19.000 Okay, terms and definitions, LBGT, right there.

01:20:21.000 Click on that one.

01:20:22.000 LGBTQ now.

01:20:23.000 Oh, no, there's an I and an A in there, too.

01:20:26.000 Look at that, see?

01:20:27.000 Look at that.

01:20:27.000 Yeah.

01:20:28.000 Make that larger circle.

01:20:29.000 Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer.

01:20:33.000 Yeah, but look at above.

01:20:34.000 Go above to the top.

01:20:39.000 LGBTQA. What is TBLG? Queer or asexual is the key.

01:20:45.000 Or questioning.

01:20:47.000 And asexual.

01:20:48.000 But there's intersexual too.

01:20:49.000 There's I. Some people choose I. Wait, what's I? What does that mean?

01:20:54.000 I don't know.

01:20:54.000 Let's get to Q. Queer.

01:20:56.000 I is intersexual.

01:21:12.000 Oh, okay.

01:21:18.000 Genderqueer is different.

01:21:19.000 What's genderqueer?

01:21:21.000 I think that'd be like me, like non-binary, where I don't fall under the spectrum of male or female.

01:21:26.000 Genderqueer is a term which refers to individuals or groups who are queer or problematized.

01:21:32.000 What?

01:21:33.000 You're making up fake words.

01:21:34.000 Hegemonic.

01:21:35.000 Hegemonic notions of sex, gender, and desire in a given society.

01:21:39.000 Genderqueer people possess identities which fall outside of the widely accepted sexual binary.

01:21:45.000 You're non-binary, are you?

01:21:46.000 You're genderqueer, bro.

01:21:48.000 You're genderqueer.

01:21:49.000 I knew it.

01:21:49.000 Genderqueer may also refer to people who identify as both transgendered and queer, i.e.

01:21:56.000 individuals who...

01:21:57.000 This is a lot of work, man.

01:21:59.000 It's a lot of work.

01:22:00.000 This is what you do when you don't chop firewood.

01:22:03.000 This is what you do when it's too fucking easy to get water.

01:22:07.000 It's too easy.

01:22:08.000 Just get bottled water.

01:22:09.000 It's too easy.

01:22:10.000 Society, we have to invent all these things now.

01:22:13.000 What happened to just being yourself?

01:22:15.000 God damn it!

01:22:15.000 Why does everybody have to be defined?

01:22:17.000 I don't know.

01:22:17.000 Why do we have to check each other to make sure that everyone's on the same fucking agenda?

01:22:21.000 Do you know how much I'm dreading my son, our son, sorry, going to school?

01:22:25.000 Do you know that there are schools that don't have grades?

01:22:28.000 First grade, second grade, third grade, so that the kids don't feel bad?

01:22:32.000 There's no hierarchy?

01:22:34.000 Group one, group two, group three, shit like that.

01:22:37.000 These soft people are trying to eliminate all forms of competition and scrutiny, and they're calling any criticism of you at all bullying.

01:22:44.000 Anything is bullying.

01:22:46.000 It's all bullying.

01:22:47.000 Yeah, there's a lot of peewee leagues with no score, no winner.

01:22:51.000 It's crazy.

01:22:52.000 It's weird.

01:22:53.000 That is really weird.

01:22:54.000 It's weird.

01:22:55.000 I think losses really help you as a kid.

01:22:57.000 I think shame helps you, loss, anxiety, fear.

01:23:01.000 Those were all my primary motivations as a young woman, and it carried me very far.

01:23:06.000 I'm not a fucking loser because of these things.

01:23:09.000 I'm sure the people that do it, that do mean shit or say mean shit to kids, they realize after they do it how shitty it feels.

01:23:16.000 Right.

01:23:17.000 It's a learning experience even for them.

01:23:18.000 They should absolutely be corrected.

01:23:20.000 Right.

01:23:21.000 This idea that somehow or another you're going to wipe all that stuff out, that's a part of being a person.

01:23:26.000 Right.

01:23:26.000 It's a weird part of being a person.

01:23:28.000 People like the fact that they can affect people by saying shit, you know?

01:23:32.000 Absolutely.

01:23:33.000 Yeah, the idea that we're going to sanitize out everything so that your kids will never have to feel a bad feeling ever again, knowing everything's going to be perfect, right?

01:23:41.000 And we're going to make a whole new bathroom.

01:23:42.000 Right.

01:23:43.000 We're going to make an asexual bathroom.

01:23:45.000 Because some people just, they're not sure.

01:23:48.000 Some people.

01:23:48.000 People are just going to start shitting outside.

01:23:51.000 They're just going to...

01:23:52.000 I can't wait for that.

01:23:54.000 Oh, what is this one?

01:23:55.000 Half a skirt?

01:23:56.000 Is this new?

01:23:57.000 Oh my god, is that new?

01:23:59.000 Is that real?

01:23:59.000 That's a college.

01:24:00.000 That's where your tax dollars are going.

01:24:03.000 It's a high school somewhere?

01:24:04.000 That's what it says, yeah.

01:24:05.000 Come on, man.

01:24:05.000 How many people...

01:24:07.000 How big of an issue is this?

01:24:09.000 You know, because there's people that have all sorts of very strange identity disorders.

01:24:15.000 Yeah?

01:24:15.000 Yes.

01:24:16.000 There's a guy in England that thinks he's a six-year-old girl, and he identifies a six-year-old girl, and he wears pigtails, the whole deal, and he sits down with his kids and his own parents.

01:24:25.000 He has kids?

01:24:25.000 Yeah, he has kids.

01:24:26.000 Wow.

01:24:27.000 But he identifies as being a six-year-old girl, and hey, we have to accept this.

01:24:31.000 As long as you change gender, there you are.

01:24:33.000 Thank you.

01:24:33.000 He's with his family.

01:24:34.000 As long as you change gender, everybody's cool with it.

01:24:36.000 Meet the 52-year-old father.

01:24:39.000 Yeah.

01:24:40.000 See, if he thought he was 13, he tried fucking 13-year-olds, but I'm 13, too.

01:24:44.000 Right.

01:24:44.000 Is that the whole, maybe?

01:24:45.000 I will say.

01:24:45.000 Everybody would go, no, you're out of your mind, dude.

01:24:47.000 She is gorgeous.

01:24:49.000 Look at this.

01:24:50.000 He's living as a six-year-old girl.

01:24:53.000 Uh-huh.

01:24:54.000 Abandons wife and kid?

01:24:55.000 Yeah.

01:24:55.000 Good.

01:24:56.000 But let's be thankful for that.

01:24:58.000 Oh, and seven kids.

01:24:58.000 He has seven.

01:24:59.000 Oh, jeez.

01:25:00.000 Yeah, but do you want this?

01:25:01.000 Seven kids.

01:25:01.000 Do you want her to be a daddy?

01:25:03.000 Well, it's too late.

01:25:04.000 Yeah.

01:25:05.000 He's already a daddy.

01:25:06.000 The kids are better off with owner.

01:25:09.000 Jesus.

01:25:09.000 So he was living as an adult.

01:25:11.000 He has a family, the whole deal, and then just decides...

01:25:16.000 That he's not just a woman, but he's a small, young, six-year-old girl.

01:25:22.000 Yeah.

01:25:22.000 There's something else going on.

01:25:23.000 Again, psychiatrists need to get involved.

01:25:26.000 Let's give us a little volume on this young Jamie.

01:25:28.000 ...web series, and as well the TV show, Am I a Boy or a Girl?

01:25:32.000 Am I a Boy or a Girl?

01:25:34.000 Why did you decide to go so public with your story?

01:25:37.000 I paid a pretty heavy price for transitioning, and so at a certain point...

01:25:42.000 He has to act like it's normal.

01:25:44.000 I've already lost everything and everything has happened.

01:25:47.000 I'm gonna be me and I'm gonna show other people that it's okay to be...

01:25:51.000 She looks like most middle-aged women in Wisconsin, I feel like.

01:25:57.000 Like my friends' moms when I was a kid in Milwaukee.

01:26:01.000 They all look like that.

01:26:02.000 They're all transgendered six-year-olds.

01:26:06.000 I'm torn.

01:26:07.000 Yeah?

01:26:08.000 Yeah.

01:26:08.000 About what?

01:26:09.000 Because I don't give a shit if he wants to be a woman.

01:26:12.000 Right.

01:26:13.000 But I just can't...

01:26:15.000 There's a line that's being pushed by these fucks.

01:26:18.000 They keep going further and further and they keep taking advantage of your acceptance.

01:26:24.000 Yes.

01:26:24.000 And they want nonsense to get through.

01:26:26.000 Yes.

01:26:27.000 Fucking nonsense.

01:26:28.000 This is a person who just wants nonsense.

01:26:31.000 The world didn't work out for them.

01:26:32.000 The regular world of having a short haircut and wearing t-shirts, they're like, no, I'm going to wear little girls' dresses.

01:26:38.000 I'm going to be a six-year-old.

01:26:39.000 Hey, how about fuck you?

01:26:41.000 How about fuck you, man?

01:26:43.000 Enough.

01:26:44.000 Now, here's the thing.

01:26:45.000 Conformity is not so bad.

01:26:46.000 Don't you feel like 20 years ago, maybe even less, the answer to like, I'm a six-year-old, everyone would be like, hey, go fuck yourself.

01:26:52.000 Because all these shut-ins are all online, and they're all gang-ins.

01:26:55.000 They're ganging up and attacking universities and attacking anybody who sees anything any differently.

01:27:01.000 This is not acceptance, folks.

01:27:03.000 Acceptance is 100% fine.

01:27:05.000 You should be able to do whatever you want.

01:27:06.000 But you want to pretend that's not crazy.

01:27:09.000 We got a problem.

01:27:11.000 If you're a 52-year-old man, you pretend to be a 6-year-old boy.

01:27:14.000 You're out of your fucking mind.

01:27:15.000 Well, guess what?

01:27:16.000 If you're a 52-year-old man, you want to be a six-year-old girl, you're still out of your fucking mind.

01:27:20.000 You've been alive for 52 years.

01:27:22.000 We're supposed to pretend that your life experience is nothing because you enjoyed that stage of life?

01:27:27.000 You're given so much credibility to this idea.

01:27:31.000 I feel like this is because of the gender switch.

01:27:33.000 That's right.

01:27:33.000 100%.

01:27:34.000 You can't say shit.

01:27:35.000 Especially if you're like me.

01:27:38.000 If you're a man and a meathead like me, you're like, oh, this fucking asshole.

01:27:42.000 Insensitive asshole.

01:27:43.000 Yeah.

01:27:44.000 This is nonsense.

01:27:45.000 But for the record, I'm a woman, and I think this is complete horseshit, too.

01:27:48.000 It's 100% horseshit.

01:27:50.000 And also, there's something good about the conformity of the 1950s and before, because I feel like...

01:27:59.000 Of course.

01:28:01.000 No, I'm telling you, that was a time when you couldn't...

01:28:04.000 He's got fucking seven kids, bro.

01:28:06.000 Seven kids.

01:28:07.000 Don't you think that outweighs your duty to your family, outweighs your need to be a six-year-old girl?

01:28:13.000 It's why you're drawn to...

01:28:15.000 I'm drawn to it, too.

01:28:16.000 The people that are really direct, like no bullshit.

01:28:19.000 Yes, old school.

01:28:20.000 Like Dan Pena.

01:28:22.000 Military dudes.

01:28:23.000 The business coach.

01:28:25.000 Oh, the $50 billion man?

01:28:27.000 No.

01:28:28.000 Holy fuck.

01:28:29.000 You would love this guy, dude.

01:28:30.000 Really?

01:28:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:28:31.000 You would love him.

01:28:31.000 I thought you were going to say Joey Diaz.

01:28:32.000 Well, he's in no-nonsense.

01:28:35.000 If you look up Dan Pena, this is why you're poor.

01:28:38.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:28:40.000 He's the fucking best.

01:28:41.000 And you scroll to a minute 40. That guy?

01:28:43.000 Yes.

01:28:43.000 Just fucking do what he says.

01:28:46.000 He's so direct and it's so funny.

01:28:50.000 He doesn't give a shit, though.

01:28:51.000 He's almost dead.

01:28:53.000 Well, yeah.

01:28:53.000 Look at him.

01:28:54.000 Donald Trump's gonna rock the planet?

01:28:56.000 He's a Trump supporter?

01:28:57.000 Yeah, he's out of his mind.

01:28:58.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:28:59.000 But they're friends, I think.

01:29:00.000 Yeah, he knows them.

01:29:01.000 I don't think we could play his stuff without getting sued, Jamie.

01:29:04.000 Really?

01:29:05.000 He hears audio?

01:29:06.000 Yeah, I don't think so.

01:29:07.000 No?

01:29:07.000 Yeah, I highly doubt he'll let you play his stuff without...

01:29:10.000 He'll yank you offline.

01:29:13.000 Hmm.

01:29:13.000 We played him a bunch.

01:29:14.000 Yeah, they're gonna find you.

01:29:16.000 Think so?

01:29:16.000 Yeah.

01:29:16.000 Don't say that.

01:29:17.000 It's a matter of time.

01:29:18.000 Oh, shit.

01:29:18.000 I don't know.

01:29:19.000 I just think this is his property.

01:29:22.000 Like his lectures and all his stuff.

01:29:24.000 This is where fair use argument comes in.

01:29:27.000 Yeah, that fair use argument is not, it's a weird argument.

01:29:31.000 We play shit all the time and talk about it and it gets jacked.

01:29:34.000 Did you see the guy in the video today?

01:29:36.000 The guy who got attacked by a grizzly bear?

01:29:37.000 Yeah, we were just talking about that.

01:29:39.000 Holy shit.

01:29:40.000 Hunting elk, right?

01:29:41.000 No, he wasn't even hunting.

01:29:42.000 He was scouting.

01:29:43.000 Scouting elk.

01:29:44.000 He was scouting for an upcoming client, and he came across a mama bear and her cubs.

01:29:49.000 That's what's up.

01:29:50.000 Yeah, and he even sprayed it with bear spray.

01:29:52.000 He said dead on 25 yards, like unloaded, and the bear just ran right through it.

01:29:58.000 Well, she had her babies.

01:29:59.000 That's what the mama bear does.

01:30:01.000 You don't, I mean, you don't...

01:30:04.000 You don't know what they're gonna do until they do it.

01:30:05.000 That bear spray might work sometimes, but it didn't work this time.

01:30:09.000 That guy got mauled.

01:30:11.000 His face got fucked, yeah.

01:30:12.000 Yeah, look, it's hard to tell here, but his skin is hanging off of his head, above his ear.

01:30:18.000 And the bear bit through his arm, too.

01:30:21.000 His name's Todd Orr.

01:30:23.000 He's lucky he got away.

01:30:26.000 Oh my god.

01:30:30.000 That's not good.

01:30:33.000 His arm's broken.

01:30:34.000 Look at that.

01:30:37.000 My asshole just twitched.

01:30:38.000 You can't imagine a fucking bear.

01:30:42.000 A female grizzly bear.

01:30:44.000 Protecting her cubs?

01:30:46.000 Look how tough this guy is.

01:30:47.000 Hold on, back that up for a second there.

01:30:49.000 Back it up.

01:30:50.000 Look at it.

01:30:51.000 Listen to this.

01:30:52.000 Legs are good.

01:30:54.000 Internal organs are good.

01:30:56.000 Eyes are good.

01:30:57.000 I just walked out three miles.

01:30:59.000 Now you go to the hospital.

01:31:00.000 Yeah, but he stopped to make a video.

01:31:03.000 So listen to that pragmatic way of looking at it.

01:31:06.000 Legs are good.

01:31:07.000 Eyes are good.

01:31:09.000 Internal organs are good.

01:31:10.000 Like that is the fear.

01:31:12.000 Like that guy just came in contact with a real live monster.

01:31:17.000 Yeah.

01:31:17.000 A fucking grizzly bear.

01:31:19.000 Twice.

01:31:20.000 Twice.

01:31:20.000 In a day.

01:31:22.000 A real live monster.

01:31:24.000 Then, after that three-mile hike, got in his truck and drove 20 miles to a hospital.

01:31:30.000 Jesus Christ.

01:31:32.000 Probably so happy just he's alive.

01:31:34.000 Did you see the photos?

01:31:36.000 The scar?

01:31:36.000 Yeah.

01:31:37.000 Oh my God.

01:31:38.000 Yeah, the photos are massive.

01:31:39.000 That head scar?

01:31:39.000 Yeah.

01:31:40.000 That's really, really big, man.

01:31:41.000 Yeah.

01:31:41.000 I wonder if that was a claw.

01:31:43.000 It was probably a claw.

01:31:44.000 Now, sorry, so he's scouting for elk.

01:31:48.000 So this is like a public...

01:31:49.000 What is it?

01:31:50.000 I don't know.

01:31:51.000 Where do people hunt?

01:31:53.000 Some kind of a hunting area?

01:31:54.000 Yeah, he could be on private land, but most likely he's on public land.

01:31:58.000 And, you know, they have...

01:32:01.000 I don't believe Montana has a grizzly bear season, but they do have grizzly bears.

01:32:06.000 So he just came over a ridge, right?

01:32:07.000 Wasn't he?

01:32:08.000 He just walked over and then...

01:32:09.000 Yeah, I think the only place you can hunt grizzly bears in North America is Alaska.

01:32:14.000 I think.

01:32:14.000 I think there's grizzly bears in Alaska, and then I don't think you even hunt grizzly bears in Canada.

01:32:20.000 Can you imagine the diarrhea?

01:32:21.000 Oh no, you do hunt them in Canada.

01:32:23.000 They hunt them in British Columbia.

01:32:24.000 What am I talking about?

01:32:26.000 When you walk over and then 80 yards, there's a bear that just sees you and is like...

01:32:32.000 And you're like, oh god.

01:32:34.000 And then you just...

01:32:36.000 He knows if you're around bears, you can't book it.

01:32:39.000 You're not going to run.

01:32:39.000 What are you supposed to do?

01:32:40.000 He sprayed it.

01:32:41.000 We know that.

01:32:43.000 Yeah, that's one photo of his arm.

01:32:45.000 Check out the other ones, Jamie.

01:32:47.000 It's one of his head.

01:32:48.000 It's hard to pull him up because I'm not logged into Facebook.

01:32:50.000 Oh, okay.

01:32:52.000 Just see if you can find it outside of...

01:32:54.000 Oh, my God.

01:32:56.000 Poor guy.

01:32:57.000 My buddy Adam Greentree, who was on the podcast last week, he's a bowhunter.

01:33:01.000 There it is.

01:33:02.000 Look at his head.

01:33:03.000 Look at the giant scar that goes from his temple.

01:33:05.000 First of all, if you wanted a scar on the back of your head, that's the spot.

01:33:09.000 It doesn't rip his ear off.

01:33:13.000 He's got a nice line on his head, but it seems like it'll stitch back together.

01:33:16.000 As long as he doesn't have an infection from the bear bite.

01:33:20.000 Fucking A, man.

01:33:21.000 Guy's got a good story, too, for a while now.

01:33:23.000 Oh, sorry.

01:33:24.000 One bite on my forearm went through to the bone, and I heard a crunch.

01:33:29.000 Hoo!

01:33:32.000 Oh, man.

01:33:33.000 You just think you're dead, right?

01:33:34.000 You're like, this is it.

01:33:35.000 This guy's really good about social media.

01:33:37.000 He's like, hey, everyone.

01:33:38.000 I gotta tell you this.

01:33:39.000 I know.

01:33:40.000 He did a video.

01:33:40.000 He did a couple posts.

01:33:41.000 He already Facebooked this shit.

01:33:42.000 Well, this guy's a hunting guide.

01:33:43.000 Do you know how, like, in tune with the wilderness this guy must be?

01:33:48.000 It just happened.

01:33:49.000 Oh, man.

01:33:49.000 Montana is the...

01:33:51.000 It's beautiful.

01:33:52.000 That's the woods, man.

01:33:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:33:53.000 I mean, it's beautiful, but, I mean, it is a wild state.

01:33:56.000 Yeah.

01:33:57.000 They have a lot of grizzly bears here, man.

01:34:00.000 A lot of free-roaming animals everywhere, right?

01:34:03.000 We went there this summer.

01:34:05.000 We went to Bozeman, and we drove down this road, and we pulled over.

01:34:08.000 We saw 100 elk just sitting in this field, right off the side of the road.

01:34:11.000 We're like, this is crazy!

01:34:13.000 You just get out of the car and look at them.

01:34:15.000 It's so beautiful.

01:34:16.000 A hunting trip?

01:34:17.000 No, with my family.

01:34:18.000 We did the Yellowstone thing.

01:34:20.000 But just looking out and looking at all these animals, like, whoa!

01:34:23.000 And apparently, well, we saw grizzlies there, but we saw them in a grizzly sanctuary.

01:34:27.000 But apparently, people just run into them all the time.

01:34:29.000 Yeah.

01:34:29.000 You could fuck up like this guy and just accidentally be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and the female has her cubs.

01:34:37.000 I remember going there once and having a guide tell us, you know, if you run into a bear and do these things, and the whole time your brain's like, you're just gonna die.

01:34:48.000 He's like, you know, cover your ears and crouch, but play limp, don't fight back, don't run.

01:34:53.000 Oh my god.

01:34:54.000 How do you do that?

01:34:55.000 And this guy actually did it, which is the crazy part.

01:34:56.000 Yeah, he really did it.

01:34:57.000 And he played dead on that second one, he said.

01:34:59.000 Yeah.

01:35:00.000 He just went limp.

01:35:01.000 It's the only way.

01:35:02.000 Yeah.

01:35:03.000 God.

01:35:03.000 Imagine going limp while that thing is biting you.

01:35:05.000 Oh my God.

01:35:07.000 Jesus Christ.

01:35:07.000 So scary.

01:35:08.000 They're so big.

01:35:09.000 It's such a terrifying...

01:35:10.000 It's crazy that it's a real thing.

01:35:13.000 Yeah.

01:35:13.000 That there's a real animal that's 11 feet tall.

01:35:16.000 So crazy.

01:35:17.000 And it weighs a thousand pounds.

01:35:18.000 So my friend Adam, he went on an elk hunt by himself in Montana.

01:35:23.000 He was in Montana.

01:35:24.000 Shot an elk, and he has to pack it off the mountain.

01:35:28.000 He's like 14 miles in, so he's got to pack this...

01:35:32.000 1,000 pound animal.

01:35:33.000 He's gonna do it in, you know, 150, 200 pound chunks.

01:35:37.000 And each one of them is gonna take a day.

01:35:40.000 So he's doing it essentially four days of just packing out meat.

01:35:44.000 So the first day when he goes back, a grizzly was sleeping on the carcass.

01:35:49.000 A giant grizzly bear, 11 foot grizzly bear, sleeping on the dead elk.

01:35:54.000 He has to chase it off and scare it.

01:35:57.000 He has to yell at it to try to get it out of there.

01:35:59.000 He has a pistol with him.

01:36:01.000 By himself.

01:36:02.000 I don't think I would have taken that route.

01:36:04.000 By himself.

01:36:05.000 Yeah, no, that's nuts.

01:36:06.000 No.

01:36:06.000 He can have the elk, dude.

01:36:07.000 Yeah.

01:36:08.000 The bear ran off.

01:36:09.000 Really?

01:36:09.000 Wow.

01:36:10.000 Is that the approach you would have done without knowing this?

01:36:12.000 Fuck, man, I don't know.

01:36:14.000 I mean, they say you're supposed to do that.

01:36:17.000 Really?

01:36:17.000 They say you're supposed to yell if you wanted to leave, but you might want to just give it the meat.

01:36:22.000 Yeah, get the fuck out of there.

01:36:23.000 Just get the fuck out of there.

01:36:24.000 That's not your elk anymore, dude.

01:36:25.000 He didn't want to do that because he worked hard for that elk and he shot it.

01:36:29.000 Right, right.

01:36:30.000 It's a tough fucking call.

01:36:31.000 Yeah, that's...

01:36:32.000 I wouldn't want to be the one to make it.

01:36:33.000 No.

01:36:34.000 Of course not.

01:36:35.000 No.

01:36:35.000 See, as one hand, you would say, well, look, the bad news is I don't get the meat.

01:36:39.000 The good news is the grizzly bear gets to eat because I really like bears.

01:36:41.000 I had a teddy bear when I was a kid.

01:36:43.000 That's my friend Cameron Haynes.

01:36:44.000 That's one that he killed in Alaska.

01:36:46.000 Whoa!

01:36:46.000 Wait, is he the guy that also does those crazy marathon runs?

01:36:50.000 Yeah.

01:36:50.000 He ran 200 miles this summer.

01:36:52.000 In a day?

01:36:53.000 78 hours.

01:36:54.000 Wow.

01:36:54.000 He slept three hours in three days.

01:36:57.000 How does your system keep going?

01:36:59.000 Well, you have to build up to it.

01:37:01.000 He was running a half a marathon a day.

01:37:03.000 Every day he was running 13 miles.

01:37:04.000 That's insane.

01:37:05.000 And then he ran 100 miles in June to prepare for the 205 miles in August.

01:37:14.000 Wow.

01:37:14.000 It's insane.

01:37:15.000 That is insane.

01:37:16.000 I mean, there's the mental part, which is its own thing, but then physically, doesn't that just...

01:37:20.000 He looks tired there.

01:37:22.000 He does look tired.

01:37:23.000 Well, he didn't just do it.

01:37:25.000 He's kind of crazy.

01:37:26.000 I mean, he's a good friend of mine.

01:37:28.000 I love him to death, but he's crazy.

01:37:29.000 And this is one of the things he did.

01:37:31.000 He lost a ton of weight.

01:37:34.000 He went from 180 pounds down to below 160 just by starving himself.

01:37:39.000 So he had his body eat itself.

01:37:41.000 So...

01:37:42.000 Because he was already lean.

01:37:43.000 He didn't have any fat to lose.

01:37:45.000 So the only way for him to lose weight is burn 3,000 calories, eat 2,000.

01:37:50.000 So he did that for months until his body shriveled away down to, I think he got under 160 before the race.

01:37:57.000 So that he could do this?

01:37:58.000 Mm-hmm.

01:37:59.000 Like, the other day, he put a picture on his Instagram.

01:38:00.000 He weighed 158. When I met him, he weighed 180, and he was built.

01:38:05.000 Like, he lifted weights.

01:38:06.000 But he did one of these at 180, and it was too hard.

01:38:10.000 So he decided to lose the weight.

01:38:12.000 So that's how he...

01:38:12.000 Like, you know what kind of discipline you have to have to just make your body eat itself?

01:38:16.000 Like, you don't even have any fat.

01:38:17.000 Even at sub-160, to run that that much, like, to your knees, your joints, it's got to be brutal, right?

01:38:26.000 It's not good.

01:38:27.000 Well, that's...

01:38:28.000 What he said, he said it was really like, you could do performance enhancing drugs, but it's really not necessarily going to help you.

01:38:35.000 They're not going to help you not feel pain or be able to be tough.

01:38:39.000 A lot of it is just being tough.

01:38:41.000 Yeah, he's a tough son of a bitch, man.

01:38:43.000 Yeah, he likes the suffering.

01:38:44.000 Yeah, he's a maniac.

01:38:45.000 He's got issues.

01:38:46.000 But he's also one of the most successful bow hunters ever.

01:38:51.000 Bow hunting is the hardest thing in the world to do when it comes to acquisition of meat.

01:38:55.000 There's no harder way to...

01:38:56.000 What state does he live in?

01:38:58.000 Oregon.

01:38:58.000 There's no harder way to get an animal than with a bow and arrow.

01:39:01.000 Because you have to get within a certain distance.

01:39:03.000 You have to practice every day.

01:39:05.000 And he hasn't had an unsuccessful bow hunt since 2009. And he goes every year and he kills multiple elk every year.

01:39:12.000 That's unheard of.

01:39:13.000 Nobody does that.

01:39:14.000 Everybody has dud trips.

01:39:16.000 You go and you're struck out.

01:39:18.000 You just don't see the right animals.

01:39:20.000 That's what he's designed for.

01:39:23.000 That's what he does.

01:39:24.000 And he just excels at it.

01:39:26.000 And if he doesn't find something, he just runs 100 miles to the next spot.

01:39:30.000 I've hunted with him, and the thing that's crazy is how he doesn't get tired.

01:39:33.000 I'm in pretty good shape, but I follow him up the hills.

01:39:36.000 I'm like, fuck!

01:39:38.000 Some people are wired.

01:39:39.000 His sister Maria has a similar level of lunacy.

01:39:43.000 Does she do marathons and shit?

01:39:44.000 Yes!

01:39:45.000 She's done half triathlons.

01:39:48.000 She did 5.8 miles the day before she gave birth to one of her kids.

01:39:53.000 And her uterus was falling out of her vagina from doing all that.

01:40:00.000 And the doctor said, you've got to stop.

01:40:02.000 The doctor said, you need a nice cyst in there to tighten things up.

01:40:05.000 Tighten it up.

01:40:06.000 A nice watermelon-sized cyst.

01:40:10.000 A nice little cyst in there.

01:40:11.000 No, but she's one of those people that is always like, what do you want to do?

01:40:13.000 Always going.

01:40:14.000 What do you want to do?

01:40:15.000 She's really athletic.

01:40:16.000 She was in the Navy and she beat out all the guys doing push-ups, right?

01:40:20.000 She did the whole, they have a PT test.

01:40:23.000 She beat all the women and all but one guy.

01:40:27.000 Jesus Christ.

01:40:28.000 She's an animal.

01:40:28.000 Animal.

01:40:29.000 Just like her brother.

01:40:30.000 Wow.

01:40:31.000 Hardcore guy.

01:40:31.000 Just like her brother.

01:40:32.000 Did she do those tough mudders?

01:40:34.000 Those are the weirdest ones.

01:40:35.000 She's done a mouthful of mud.

01:40:36.000 People get sick as fuck.

01:40:37.000 They get horrible diarrhea.

01:40:39.000 Because, for real.

01:40:40.000 What is this?

01:40:41.000 I don't know what this is.

01:40:42.000 Tough mudders, they're these crazy races where you have to go through, you're literally running a lot of it through mud.

01:40:47.000 You're climbing through things.

01:40:48.000 The people that get out of them, they're totally covered with mud.

01:40:51.000 But the problem with that is mud is water, and still water is super bad in a jest.

01:40:56.000 So these people get that mud in their mouth, and they get the pathogens.

01:41:00.000 Sure.

01:41:00.000 And they just get a broken fire hydrant for an asshole.

01:41:04.000 Yeah.

01:41:05.000 Just blah!

01:41:07.000 Yeah.

01:41:07.000 Where your body's like, we're just going to clean this whole machinery out.

01:41:13.000 It's like spring cleaning with a carpet cleaner.

01:41:15.000 It does look fun.

01:41:17.000 Like the...

01:41:18.000 I think the running and...

01:41:19.000 You know what I mean?

01:41:19.000 Yeah.

01:41:20.000 Oh, this is the mud stuff?

01:41:21.000 Yeah.

01:41:22.000 Oh, boy.

01:41:22.000 Oh, these people are fucking maniacs.

01:41:24.000 Has nobody told them this diarrhea thing?

01:41:26.000 Well, they learn.

01:41:27.000 They learn.

01:41:27.000 I mean, some people are just really into it and they keep their mouth shut.

01:41:30.000 They know how to do it.

01:41:31.000 Or keep their mouth closed.

01:41:32.000 Wow.

01:41:32.000 And they don't breathe it in.

01:41:34.000 But when you see them running through it, it's like...

01:41:37.000 Like they have all the...

01:41:38.000 What do you...

01:41:40.000 Yeah.

01:41:40.000 This is just people waiting, dude.

01:41:42.000 I don't think this is an actual...

01:41:43.000 This is just people walking.

01:41:46.000 There's some where you see them running and doing all this stuff.

01:41:49.000 This is just a bunch of people walking through a swamp.

01:41:51.000 Get your life.

01:41:52.000 But if you do that crawl...

01:41:53.000 Sometimes you have to crawl under stuff, too, I guess.

01:41:55.000 That's when you can get it in your mouth.

01:41:56.000 Yeah.

01:41:57.000 It's so stupid.

01:41:58.000 I'm sorry.

01:41:59.000 That's the kind of things people do when it's too easy to get food.

01:42:02.000 That's what's up.

01:42:03.000 Go to Africa.

01:42:04.000 It's the same exact thing as the Z, Zer, He, Her, Him, Ha.

01:42:09.000 18 gender pronouns.

01:42:10.000 They're not doing this in Somalia.

01:42:12.000 I guarantee.

01:42:12.000 There's no fucking mud races.

01:42:14.000 You guys are so gender-phobic.

01:42:15.000 Look at this.

01:42:16.000 See how they're climbing out of this?

01:42:18.000 Oh, I've seen this.

01:42:18.000 Yes.

01:42:18.000 Fucking maniacs.

01:42:20.000 Yep.

01:42:21.000 Wading through this shit.

01:42:22.000 How far are most of these?

01:42:23.000 Do you know that?

01:42:24.000 Do you know?

01:42:24.000 It's a good question.

01:42:25.000 A tough couple miles?

01:42:27.000 Some of them are about a mile in between some of these obstacles, so it's like six, seven miles.

01:42:30.000 Six, seven miles?

01:42:31.000 All right.

01:42:32.000 They're literally, they made mud for them to play in like they're three.

01:42:36.000 Right.

01:42:37.000 I'm going to challenge myself.

01:42:38.000 But this is a setup.

01:42:40.000 They make all this.

01:42:41.000 Right.

01:42:41.000 This is so goofy.

01:42:43.000 Sorry, folks, if you're listening.

01:42:45.000 Bro, I was a fan.

01:42:46.000 Until you came to shit on Tough Mudders.

01:42:49.000 Hey, why don't you try it, pussy?

01:42:51.000 Maybe I don't want fucking pathogens.

01:42:55.000 I'm not into Jardia.

01:42:56.000 I'm not into taking that muskrat shit in my mouth.

01:42:59.000 This is a real hate mail episode.

01:43:02.000 We always bring the hate, though.

01:43:05.000 A lot of gender stuff this time.

01:43:07.000 You know what, though?

01:43:08.000 Not real gender stuff, though.

01:43:09.000 No.

01:43:10.000 No.

01:43:11.000 The fake stuff.

01:43:12.000 No, not the legit people that are like, dude, I'm a man trapped in a woman's butt.

01:43:16.000 That I do believe, obviously.

01:43:18.000 Right.

01:43:19.000 But, just keep to yourself.

01:43:21.000 Keep your weird shit to yourself.

01:43:23.000 Dude, suppress that shit.

01:43:25.000 Suppress it.

01:43:26.000 Suppress it.

01:43:26.000 Exactly.

01:43:27.000 Suppression's good.

01:43:28.000 Yeah, but I'm telling you, the 1950s, not all bad.

01:43:31.000 No, but you know, there was transgender people in the turn of the century.

01:43:36.000 The turn of the 20th century.

01:43:37.000 There's a lot of photos of transgender people from back then.

01:43:40.000 It's always been a thing.

01:43:41.000 I used to see them more in Hollywood when I lived there about 15 years ago.

01:43:45.000 I just don't buy the going back and forth.

01:43:47.000 Sorry.

01:43:48.000 Yeah, I don't.

01:43:49.000 I don't think most people do.

01:43:50.000 I think it's an attention-seeking something else that's going on there.

01:43:55.000 I think not all your feelings should be acknowledged.

01:43:58.000 I agree.

01:43:59.000 I agree.

01:44:00.000 That's important.

01:44:01.000 The guy wants to be the six-year-old girl.

01:44:03.000 I mean, they have all these specials on him.

01:44:05.000 He's 57 years old.

01:44:06.000 I can't.

01:44:08.000 They don't have specials on him because it's an extraordinary story.

01:44:11.000 They have specials on him because you know it's ridiculous and you're going to watch it.

01:44:14.000 And it's funny.

01:44:16.000 It's weird.

01:44:17.000 You can't go back in time.

01:44:19.000 Right?

01:44:20.000 You lived a long time.

01:44:21.000 You have to be responsible.

01:44:22.000 They have a special on him, the same reason they have a special on a lady who doesn't cut her toenails.

01:44:28.000 She's like, these are my special nails.

01:44:32.000 That's so true.

01:44:33.000 I don't wear shoes and I can't get a job.

01:44:35.000 Right, and they can never get a job.

01:44:37.000 That's the downer.

01:44:39.000 None of these people are employable.

01:44:40.000 That is the one common denominator.

01:44:42.000 What do you do for a living?

01:44:43.000 Not anymore.

01:44:44.000 Wait, and that's discrimination, by the way.

01:44:45.000 You're discriminating against her.

01:44:47.000 Guys.

01:44:48.000 Yeah.

01:44:48.000 Well, I've heard people discuss the merits of the sacred argument where you're not allowed to cut your hair because of your religion.

01:44:55.000 Right.

01:44:56.000 And I'm like, well, listen, at the end of the day, it's just your fucking hair.

01:44:59.000 And if your religion is about cutting your hair or not cutting your hair, I'm sorry, but it might be bullshit.

01:45:05.000 Yeah.

01:45:06.000 Yeah.

01:45:07.000 So if you can't just say, hey, my hair's getting in the way, I'm just going to cut it?

01:45:10.000 Yeah.

01:45:11.000 Yeah, I mean, you know.

01:45:13.000 Who says that?

01:45:14.000 Who says you can't?

01:45:14.000 I know what you're talking about, too.

01:45:16.000 Your Dali Swami guy?

01:45:17.000 Yes, yes.

01:45:18.000 We have two guys.

01:45:19.000 Who tells you you can't do it?

01:45:21.000 Is it written somewhere?

01:45:22.000 What's happening here?

01:45:23.000 You can't just cut your hair and be the same guy?

01:45:25.000 No, man.

01:45:26.000 No, this is sacred.

01:45:27.000 Right.

01:45:28.000 God's going to punish you if you eat meat on Friday.

01:45:30.000 The older you get, the more absurd the religious customs and...

01:45:38.000 Yarmulke, say it.

01:45:40.000 Say it.

01:45:40.000 All the principles.

01:45:41.000 Take the fucking hat off.

01:45:42.000 You're inside.

01:45:43.000 The meat eating and the...

01:45:45.000 The rituals.

01:45:46.000 I wash stuff over here.

01:45:47.000 The kosher.

01:45:48.000 We have a kosher kitchen in our rental house, not our forever house.

01:45:51.000 Yeah, because we bought it from a couple of...

01:45:53.000 Juice!

01:45:54.000 Oh!

01:45:55.000 But...

01:45:56.000 Yeah, it's all...

01:45:57.000 But I like the kosher kitchen.

01:45:59.000 It's fine.

01:45:59.000 Here's the thing.

01:46:00.000 I support fully that if you don't want to ever cut your hair again, you should be able to not cut your hair again.

01:46:05.000 If you want to grow your hair crazy long and grow your beard crazy long, my problem is if you think a deity wants you to do that, if you think that there's some mystical God, if you just say, you know what, dude, I just like it getting crazy.

01:46:18.000 I want crazy beard.

01:46:19.000 I want crazy asshole hair.

01:46:21.000 I just like being hairy, man.

01:46:23.000 I like the feeling.

01:46:24.000 Okay.

01:46:25.000 Let it go.

01:46:26.000 Nobody fucks with Rick Rubin, right?

01:46:28.000 Yeah, it's true.

01:46:29.000 Rick Rubin just lets it all go.

01:46:31.000 Let's it all go.

01:46:32.000 The hair on top is all fucked up.

01:46:34.000 The beard's all fucked up.

01:46:35.000 Fur jackets.

01:46:35.000 Driving around with a Rolls Royce.

01:46:36.000 That's the move.

01:46:37.000 That is the move.

01:46:38.000 It's a genius.

01:46:39.000 The crazier you look and then you have like a fucking $300,000 car.

01:46:43.000 This guy's rad.

01:46:44.000 And he's a handsome fellow underneath all that shit.

01:46:46.000 I bet.

01:46:46.000 I mean, he just decides.

01:46:47.000 Like, that's his look.

01:46:49.000 Just fucking full-on crazy hair.

01:46:51.000 Tom, you're not so far.

01:46:52.000 I feel like you're almost there.

01:46:53.000 You could let that go.

01:46:54.000 Yeah.

01:46:54.000 Why don't you see if, I think, though, as a comic, you're better off without that kind of, like, presence.

01:46:59.000 I think so.

01:47:00.000 Because then you're married to that look, right?

01:47:02.000 Right.

01:47:02.000 Well, what's that guy's name?

01:47:03.000 He's at the store, though, sometimes.

01:47:05.000 He has quite a look.

01:47:06.000 You know what I'm talking about.

01:47:07.000 He was a cab driver.

01:47:09.000 He holds his coat over his arm.

01:47:12.000 Argus?

01:47:12.000 I don't know.

01:47:13.000 And he's got all the notes.

01:47:13.000 Sam Tripoli?

01:47:16.000 Jay London?

01:47:16.000 Jay London.

01:47:17.000 Oh, Jesse!

01:47:18.000 Jay's got a look.

01:47:19.000 That's a look.

01:47:20.000 That's just Jay, though.

01:47:21.000 I know.

01:47:21.000 That's who he is.

01:47:22.000 That is who he is.

01:47:22.000 But I'm saying, like, that's just a look.

01:47:23.000 See, he did a picture of Rick Rubin in a Rolls Royce.

01:47:26.000 Because I've seen several.

01:47:28.000 Yeah.

01:47:29.000 It's just funny about a guy who looks like a homeless guy or a crazy L.A. street guy.

01:47:34.000 That's my favorite and they're just gazillionaires and you never know it.

01:47:38.000 In L.A., anybody that walks into a store or restaurant that looks fucking homeless could be worth like $500 million.

01:47:47.000 I think Sikhs aren't allowed to cut their hair.

01:47:50.000 That's what they're called.

01:47:51.000 But here's the thing.

01:47:52.000 Remarkably cool people.

01:47:54.000 I've met a lot of them, especially in Toronto.

01:47:56.000 There's a big Sikh population in Toronto.

01:47:58.000 Some of the nicest, coolest people, but they just have that thing.

01:48:03.000 So here are two things.

01:48:05.000 You could say, well, yeah, I mean, he believes that a deity wants him to do...

01:48:08.000 But another thing you would say, well, maybe it identifies you with this group of people and you feel like outsiders and you feel like if you grow your hair and wear it wrapped up like that...

01:48:17.000 Like, you feel like you fit in with that group.

01:48:20.000 With your group.

01:48:20.000 I mean, I grew up in L.A. with a bunch of Sikh kids, and we just made fun of them, you know?

01:48:27.000 You would just call them onion heads or whatever, and it was fucked up for them, is what I'm saying, because then you get singled out and fucked with.

01:48:33.000 By your white privilege?

01:48:34.000 And I'm sure God doesn't want you to, you know, get teased relentlessly.

01:48:37.000 That's your point?

01:48:38.000 That's my point.

01:48:39.000 You think God wants you to be bullied?

01:48:41.000 That's not a loving God.

01:48:42.000 The white and Jewish men that run rap.

01:48:44.000 I love it.

01:48:45.000 Yeah.

01:48:45.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:48:47.000 They're one major record companies.

01:48:49.000 Oh, boy.

01:48:51.000 Well...

01:48:51.000 Okay.

01:48:52.000 Yeah.

01:48:52.000 But he's dressed like a dude who lives in Seattle.

01:48:55.000 Oh, there he is.

01:48:55.000 That's with Jay-Z. I like them.

01:48:56.000 Yeah, he's rad, dude.

01:48:59.000 What's in his hand?

01:49:00.000 It looks like a prayer rope.

01:49:03.000 Is that what that is?

01:49:07.000 He's meditating.

01:49:09.000 That's a very weird look.

01:49:10.000 Those prayer beads in front of a private jet with Jay-Z. Jay-Z's got a $25,000 suit on.

01:49:19.000 Who is that with a seal?

01:49:21.000 Seal.

01:49:21.000 What happened to that dude?

01:49:23.000 Well, funny you should ask.

01:49:24.000 Remember when he sang recently in public for the first time in like a million years?

01:49:29.000 And it was really bad.

01:49:30.000 Oh no.

01:49:31.000 No, it wasn't the first time in a million years.

01:49:33.000 Yeah.

01:49:33.000 No, it wasn't.

01:49:34.000 He was, I'm never gonna survive.

01:49:35.000 I know, but it wasn't the first time in a million years.

01:49:38.000 In like a zillion years.

01:49:39.000 No, no.

01:49:41.000 He just sang, he sang in the Super Bowl pregame show.

01:49:44.000 That's what I was.

01:49:45.000 It wasn't good?

01:49:45.000 No, it was terrible.

01:49:46.000 But he's been, he never like went away.

01:49:50.000 I thought he left the game.

01:49:51.000 No, not at all.

01:49:52.000 The games.

01:49:52.000 He's banging, what's her name?

01:49:55.000 They're divorced.

01:49:56.000 Oh, for baby.

01:49:57.000 All your facts on this are not right.

01:50:00.000 So, the guy, I don't know shit about celebrities.

01:50:03.000 Come on.

01:50:04.000 But it was a terrible performance.

01:50:05.000 Do you know how certain songs or certain musicians bring you back to a time in your life?

01:50:12.000 Of course.

01:50:13.000 With Seal, it was the first time I ever bought a stereo.

01:50:16.000 Oh.

01:50:16.000 Oh, really?

01:50:17.000 My first stereo I had to buy, and I was dating this girl who was really into music, and she told me, you have to get this Seal album.

01:50:23.000 I was like, really?

01:50:23.000 She's like, seriously?

01:50:25.000 Yeah, and I had it set up.

01:50:27.000 I bought an actual stereo for the first time in my life, and I had one big speaker to the...

01:50:33.000 I had speakers that were on stands that got off the floor, those big things.

01:50:36.000 Oh, those are great!

01:50:37.000 I didn't even have a couch yet, and I had this stereo that sounded really good, and I played the CD. I set it all up myself.

01:50:44.000 I put the wires in the right holes and Pinched them down with little things.

01:50:47.000 And then I played that CD where you have one big speaker over here and one over there.

01:50:52.000 And you could hear the sound moving around back and forth.

01:50:55.000 And I really appreciated what he was doing.

01:50:57.000 I'd never heard it before in anything but shitty car stereos with blown speakers.

01:51:02.000 Dude's a talented dude, for sure.

01:51:04.000 Well, and when we were talking about Seal earlier, you made a good point about that song, is that, like, dads like that song.

01:51:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:51:12.000 Like, everyone likes that song.

01:51:14.000 Yeah.

01:51:16.000 Dads, even with their fat gut, when they're driving their electric golf course over to the ninth hole, they want to pretend that they're still artists.

01:51:22.000 Yeah.

01:51:24.000 I'm ready to get a little crazy.

01:51:25.000 Right, right.

01:51:26.000 I get crazy with my whole family, with everybody.

01:51:28.000 In a world full of people.

01:51:30.000 They all know.

01:51:31.000 They all know.

01:51:32.000 They all know.

01:51:33.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:51:34.000 Mike can just go to this place.

01:51:36.000 I have a switch.

01:51:38.000 That switch goes and I don't even know.

01:51:40.000 You have to wake me up after it's over.

01:51:43.000 You know, I just, uh, I'm free.

01:51:46.000 I feel like my dad definitely probably just had that on a loop, you know?

01:51:50.000 Yeah.

01:51:50.000 Just like, one song.

01:51:52.000 Yeah, of course your dad liked it.

01:51:53.000 Yeah.

01:51:53.000 My dad liked Prodigy a lot.

01:51:55.000 Like, he would get ripped and just play that through the house.

01:51:58.000 Like, I'm a firestarter.

01:51:59.000 It was so horrible.

01:52:00.000 Whoa.

01:52:01.000 Yeah, I hated it.

01:52:02.000 Nice.

01:52:03.000 Do you remember that one crazy song that was like a big one, too, that everybody would crank in their car?

01:52:08.000 Was it a seal one?

01:52:09.000 No, no, no, no.

01:52:11.000 Chumbawamba?

01:52:13.000 No, no, no.

01:52:15.000 It was just like an official dad song, you mean.

01:52:16.000 No, it was like, how the fuck did it go?

01:52:19.000 A dad song.

01:52:20.000 There are dad songs.

01:52:22.000 Remember when I lost my mind?

01:52:24.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:52:25.000 You know that song?

01:52:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:52:25.000 Hold on.

01:52:26.000 Something about that special time.

01:52:28.000 How's that go?

01:52:29.000 I'm trying to think.

01:52:30.000 I don't know.

01:52:30.000 Does that make me cry?

01:52:31.000 Yeah!

01:52:33.000 CeeLo!

01:52:34.000 CeeLo!

01:52:35.000 It was CeeLo before the Ecstasy Charge.

01:52:39.000 That's a good song, too.

01:52:41.000 Oh, that's right.

01:52:42.000 Narls Broccoli.

01:52:43.000 CeeLo is Fuck You.

01:52:44.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:52:44.000 CeeLo is in Narls Broccoli.

01:52:45.000 It's with Danger Mouse.

01:52:47.000 It's like a...

01:52:47.000 All right, so CeeLo is...

01:52:48.000 Oh, he's in it.

01:52:50.000 I thought Narls Broccoli was a dude.

01:52:51.000 Hmm.

01:52:53.000 That is a universally loved song, too.

01:52:56.000 Yeah.

01:52:56.000 You can't hate that one.

01:52:57.000 A lot of people love to think they're crazy.

01:52:59.000 I'm just crazy.

01:53:00.000 The Andre 3000 song.

01:53:02.000 What's gonna happen?

01:53:03.000 What was that?

01:53:04.000 Oh, Hey Ya.

01:53:05.000 Hey Ya.

01:53:05.000 That's a jam.

01:53:07.000 Melodically, dads can get into it, you know?

01:53:09.000 It's not just for the kids.

01:53:10.000 Right.

01:53:10.000 That's true.

01:53:11.000 Like Outkast, that's for the kids.

01:53:13.000 But that song, dad's gonna listen to it.

01:53:15.000 Real dads only.

01:53:16.000 It's like jazz.

01:53:17.000 I'm sophisticated.

01:53:18.000 Yeah.

01:53:19.000 Yeah.

01:53:20.000 Yeah, it's like, no, I like black kids' music.

01:53:22.000 Yeah.

01:53:22.000 That's what that is.

01:53:23.000 The kids are listening, too.

01:53:25.000 Yeah.

01:53:25.000 I was listening to this rap song where this guy was trying to romance this girl.

01:53:30.000 He was talking about playing chess with her and eating organic food.

01:53:34.000 Oh.

01:53:35.000 And listening to jazz.

01:53:36.000 In the song?

01:53:37.000 Yeah.

01:53:38.000 Really?

01:53:38.000 In a rap song.

01:53:39.000 Yeah.

01:53:39.000 Trying to romance this girl.

01:53:41.000 Organic vegan.

01:53:42.000 You know what song I was listening to?

01:53:45.000 I was watching an episode of Glee.

01:53:48.000 I don't know why.

01:53:49.000 I know, I know!

01:53:50.000 I'm becoming horribly lame.

01:53:51.000 And they played that song, the thong song.

01:53:54.000 What's that?

01:53:55.000 Right.

01:53:55.000 She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck.

01:53:58.000 Guys like, well, what if she took dumps like a truck?

01:54:01.000 No.

01:54:01.000 What does that mean?

01:54:03.000 She had dumps like a truck.

01:54:03.000 Her ass is like a big...

01:54:04.000 A dump truck.

01:54:05.000 She has a good dumper.

01:54:06.000 She had dumps like a truck.

01:54:08.000 Yeah, I know that, but her dumps are her ass.

01:54:11.000 They're just trying to make things rhyme.

01:54:13.000 The more you look into it, they'll fuck you up.

01:54:16.000 Cisco.

01:54:17.000 Cisco.

01:54:17.000 That's who it is, right?

01:54:18.000 Yeah.

01:54:18.000 We can't go down the rabbit hole.

01:54:20.000 There's the thong song.

01:54:21.000 Cisco.

01:54:22.000 How long ago was this made?

01:54:24.000 That's gotta be the 60s, right?

01:54:26.000 When James Brown was a baby.

01:54:28.000 Yeah.

01:54:29.000 Cisco had a gang of buses.

01:54:30.000 What's he doing now?

01:54:32.000 He's still doing his thing, man.

01:54:33.000 This song was huge.

01:54:34.000 Yeah, this song was huge.

01:54:34.000 Yeah, but I mean, he had, look at, he's got all these buses.

01:54:37.000 He's got five buses pull up.

01:54:38.000 They say Cisco on them.

01:54:39.000 I want everything white.

01:54:41.000 Let me see your booty go!

01:54:44.000 There you go.

01:54:45.000 There you go.

01:54:46.000 There you go.

01:54:49.000 Yeah, well, Tommy, you fucking got me on a Gucci Mane, you son of a bitch.

01:54:54.000 I did?

01:54:54.000 Yeah, you son of a bitch.

01:54:57.000 I was listening to some new Gucci Mane thing the other night.

01:55:01.000 I'm like, he wrote that five minutes ago.

01:55:03.000 He wrote that on cough syrup five minutes ago.

01:55:06.000 I'm right.

01:55:07.000 Straight out the fed, man.

01:55:08.000 First day out the feds.

01:55:09.000 He's got a new album.

01:55:11.000 What's his big song, James?

01:55:13.000 He lost a lot of weight in prison.

01:55:14.000 You notice that?

01:55:15.000 Yeah, he's got a six-pack now.

01:55:16.000 I mean, he really lost a lot, yeah.

01:55:18.000 He has an ice cream cone on his face.

01:55:21.000 Burr.

01:55:22.000 It says burr.

01:55:22.000 Yeah.

01:55:23.000 With a lightning bolt.

01:55:24.000 Uh-huh.

01:55:25.000 Gucci!

01:55:26.000 Uh-huh.

01:55:27.000 Yeah.

01:55:28.000 That's hilarious.

01:55:29.000 Gucci doesn't play, man.

01:55:30.000 Young Thug and Gucci Mane.

01:55:32.000 His young protege, Young Thug, he's a little bit of...

01:55:34.000 I don't know.

01:55:34.000 I wouldn't call him fluid gender.

01:55:35.000 I'm not going to say that, but he's a fashion designer.

01:55:38.000 First of all, it's gender fluid.

01:55:41.000 God.

01:55:42.000 You are not going to miss gender ID on my show.

01:55:48.000 His jeans were a little whack, Tommy.

01:55:50.000 He likes standing out.

01:55:53.000 Let's not shame him.

01:55:55.000 Let's not denim shame him.

01:55:56.000 You know what song you would like, though, from Gucci?

01:55:59.000 Before he got locked up?

01:56:01.000 The Lemonade song.

01:56:02.000 Oh, I've heard that song.

01:56:03.000 Oh, you're like, yeah.

01:56:04.000 That's a catchy song.

01:56:05.000 How does it go?

01:56:05.000 I mean, dads can listen to it.

01:56:06.000 How does it go?

01:56:07.000 Sing it out.

01:56:08.000 How does it go?

01:56:10.000 What's that?

01:56:11.000 We're being invaded.

01:56:12.000 Oh, shit.

01:56:13.000 The aliens.

01:56:21.000 What's it called?

01:56:23.000 The purge is happening?

01:56:24.000 Yes, the purge.

01:56:25.000 I have a samurai sword.

01:56:27.000 Hmm.

01:56:28.000 I'm scared.

01:56:29.000 Wait, how does that song go?

01:56:30.000 Sing your...

01:56:31.000 Yeah, lemonade song?

01:56:31.000 Sing your lemonade.

01:56:33.000 Yellow everything, man.

01:56:34.000 Yellow, yellow.

01:56:35.000 Yellow birds.

01:56:36.000 Yellow diamonds in my ear.

01:56:37.000 Yellow, yellow, yellow.

01:56:39.000 That's good.

01:56:40.000 There you go.

01:56:40.000 That's how it starts.

01:56:41.000 I think maybe he makes things...

01:56:42.000 Come on.

01:56:46.000 You like it?

01:56:47.000 Negative.

01:56:47.000 No.

01:56:48.000 All right, I'll play it for you in the car.

01:56:49.000 Somebody likes it, though.

01:56:50.000 No, I know.

01:56:50.000 Lots of people.

01:56:51.000 That song is catchy, actually.

01:56:52.000 I'm the minority here.

01:56:54.000 I cut it from YouTube.

01:56:56.000 Yeah.

01:56:56.000 He's cutting it off of YouTube so we won't get pulled from YouTube so people can hear this on...

01:57:01.000 It's all about that yellow.

01:57:05.000 Like gold, right?

01:57:06.000 I like gold.

01:57:07.000 I like money.

01:57:08.000 For a while...

01:57:13.000 Yeah.

01:57:14.000 Yeah.

01:57:14.000 Okay.

01:57:15.000 It's the melody, right?

01:57:16.000 Yeah, it sounds good, though.

01:57:17.000 It seems like he's having a good time.

01:57:19.000 Look how big he is there.

01:57:19.000 Yeah, he definitely had more body fat.

01:57:21.000 Yeah.

01:57:22.000 Probably did a lot of push-ups in the house.

01:57:23.000 Hell yeah.

01:57:24.000 Yeah, man.

01:57:25.000 Started eating right, got focused.

01:57:26.000 Hell yeah.

01:57:26.000 Probably wrote some good shit.

01:57:27.000 And this is all pre-tattoo, too.

01:57:29.000 Yeah, we had a few then, though.

01:57:31.000 But not on the face.

01:57:31.000 Not on the face.

01:57:32.000 He had a baby face there.

01:57:33.000 He's got my favorite all-time saying to a judge.

01:57:38.000 Oh, that's not real.

01:57:39.000 They said, Mr. Maine, are you guilty?

01:57:40.000 He goes, bitch, I might be.

01:57:43.000 That's like, that's a meme, right?

01:57:45.000 He didn't actually really say that.

01:57:46.000 No, he said that.

01:57:47.000 Really?

01:57:47.000 No, he said that.

01:57:48.000 I thought that was definitely not real.

01:57:50.000 That's funny.

01:57:51.000 Gucci Mane did not.

01:57:52.000 Bitch, I might be.

01:57:53.000 It's hoax?

01:57:54.000 Yeah.

01:57:55.000 Why did you ruin it for me?

01:57:57.000 Damn, dude.

01:57:59.000 I'm sorry.

01:58:00.000 No, Jamie, keep me in the dark.

01:58:02.000 Keep me in the dark on things that are too good.

01:58:04.000 Bitch, I might be.

01:58:05.000 That's the greatest thing ever.

01:58:06.000 Say that to a judge.

01:58:07.000 Such gender.

01:58:09.000 Motherfucker.

01:58:09.000 Sorry, I was talking to Jamie.

01:58:10.000 So privileged.

01:58:12.000 Jamie, you are so privileged.

01:58:14.000 Are you guilty?

01:58:15.000 Bitch, I might be.

01:58:16.000 Yeah.

01:58:17.000 Come on.

01:58:18.000 Be one of the greatest things that anybody could say ever.

01:58:19.000 Yeah.

01:58:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:58:21.000 Disrespect, guys.

01:58:22.000 1950s.

01:58:22.000 There's some great videos, by the way, if you're ever bored, I don't know if you've ever looked up on YouTube, judges handling people acting out of line at sentencing things.

01:58:33.000 Really?

01:58:33.000 It's incredible.

01:58:34.000 Who does that?

01:58:34.000 I mean, damn.

01:58:34.000 Have you ever seen the one where the girl is like, she says something in Spanish to this Cuban judge in Miami, and he has a really heavy accent.

01:58:45.000 Oh, I remember this.

01:58:45.000 You ever seen that?

01:58:46.000 No.

01:58:46.000 It's unbelievable.

01:58:48.000 This is it.

01:58:48.000 That's it right there.

01:58:49.000 Oh, shit.

01:58:49.000 It's unbelievable, man.

01:58:51.000 She flips the bird to the judge?

01:58:53.000 And then she says something in Spanish, like to be cheeky to him.

01:58:57.000 Right.

01:58:58.000 And then he's like, come back here.

01:59:01.000 What did you say?

01:59:02.000 And she's like, ah, I said like, buenos dias.

01:59:04.000 And he gives her like an extra 30 days.

01:59:07.000 And then she's like, flicks him off, he's like, come back again.

01:59:10.000 And he gives her like an extra 90 days.

01:59:12.000 Whoa.

01:59:13.000 She thinks she cute.

01:59:13.000 That's why.

01:59:14.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:59:15.000 She is pretty.

01:59:15.000 She's messing with her hair.

01:59:16.000 She thinks she too cute.

01:59:18.000 See how she's like laughing and stuff?

01:59:19.000 Yeah, she thinks she cute.

01:59:20.000 Yeah.

01:59:21.000 He fucking crushes her.

01:59:23.000 Isn't that interesting that it's the judge's discretion?

01:59:26.000 Yeah.

01:59:26.000 That he can do that?

01:59:28.000 Yeah.

01:59:28.000 How weird is that?

01:59:29.000 That shouldn't be the case.

01:59:31.000 No, it shouldn't be.

01:59:32.000 Like, you're punishing her because she's being disrespectful to you or to the court itself?

01:59:37.000 To both.

01:59:38.000 I think that you have to respect the court.

01:59:39.000 Did you see what they did to that Alabama judge?

01:59:42.000 No.

01:59:44.000 Can I hear someone else?

01:59:45.000 I think she's high, though.

01:59:46.000 Or will we get yanked?

01:59:47.000 I don't think so.

01:59:47.000 You'll get yanked.

01:59:48.000 Let me hear what he's supposed to say to her.

01:59:53.000 It has no sound?

01:59:54.000 Oh, really?

01:59:56.000 Oh.

01:59:56.000 Oh, it was probably like the courtroom camera.

01:59:59.000 See?

01:59:59.000 The actual courtroom camera.

02:00:00.000 Come back.

02:00:01.000 Tom will do the voices.

02:00:03.000 Come back here!

02:00:04.000 She's laughing and smiling.

02:00:05.000 Yeah.

02:00:06.000 Ding dong.

02:00:06.000 Isn't it funny how people, when they're in a position like that, you're caught, like you're in court and they have all the power, you want to pretend like you don't give a fuck, you know?

02:00:16.000 I'd give a lot of fuck if I were her.

02:00:18.000 If I were in front of a judge, I'd be very, very respectful and scared.

02:00:22.000 I don't fuck with the law.

02:00:23.000 She just flipped him off.

02:00:24.000 Yeah!

02:00:26.000 Crazy!

02:00:26.000 Now he's angry.

02:00:27.000 Oh yeah.

02:00:28.000 That's amazing that he can just do that.

02:00:31.000 Yeah.

02:00:32.000 It's kind of amazing because that's almost too much power.

02:00:34.000 Like, I understand that you're violating the court, but should it really be up to the judge to arbitrarily decide to give you 30 more days or 90 more days or whatever they give you?

02:00:43.000 Should it really be up to him?

02:00:46.000 I mean, maybe there's a rule, like if you say the F word or if you give someone the finger, you get an automatic, like, whatever.

02:00:51.000 Oh, but then they should be able to pick?

02:00:53.000 Maybe that's the rule.

02:00:53.000 I don't know.

02:00:54.000 Maybe you think it is?

02:00:55.000 Maybe.

02:00:56.000 That's contempt of court, isn't it?

02:00:58.000 Guys, I went to law school for two weeks and we didn't learn that.

02:01:02.000 It's contempt of court to be disrespectful, right?

02:01:05.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:01:06.000 You're not supposed to flip off a judge.

02:01:08.000 You're supposed to dress a certain way.

02:01:10.000 I mean, obviously the jumpsuit thing is its own thing, but like, yeah, you're supposed to respect the court, the judge.

02:01:14.000 Well, she had to wear the jumpsuit because she was arrested.

02:01:16.000 Right, right, right.

02:01:17.000 But do you think that the judge can just decide how many days he gives you?

02:01:22.000 I mean, there's got to be a limit to it.

02:01:24.000 You can't be sentenced for contempt.

02:01:27.000 Piece of shit.

02:01:28.000 Look at that.

02:01:29.000 Cursed judge gets like a year.

02:01:30.000 Wow.

02:01:31.000 Cursed judge gets 364 days in jail for contempt.

02:01:35.000 Well, he's a domestic violence asshole.

02:01:38.000 I just don't know what the rules are.

02:01:40.000 Like, what a judge can do and what they can't.

02:01:42.000 I don't know either.

02:01:43.000 Sentencing is a weird thing.

02:01:46.000 They have minimums for certain things like murder and armed robbery and violent crimes.

02:01:50.000 There's probably...

02:01:50.000 There's got to be parameters for it.

02:01:52.000 But that's why they're always like, oh, this judge particularly is lenient on this and that matter.

02:01:57.000 Like, you almost want to choose your judge and you choose your jurors.

02:02:00.000 The attorneys do based on Okay, so I didn't really go to law school for two weeks, and we did learn about jury selection, and the key is you do want to get, and this is horrible, but usually, like, the dumbest people.

02:02:12.000 Like, you want to have people that are really, you know, easily persuaded to whatever your cause is, clearly.

02:02:19.000 And a judge, too, that is favorable.

02:02:21.000 They're liberal if they're whatever, you know?

02:02:25.000 That's true, right?

02:02:26.000 You could guess based on their past.

02:02:28.000 The precedence, yeah.

02:02:29.000 Yeah.

02:02:30.000 Man.

02:02:31.000 Yeah.

02:02:32.000 It's very fluid.

02:02:34.000 Yeah.

02:02:35.000 Jeez, Tom.

02:02:35.000 Jeez, you doing alright?

02:02:36.000 I mean...

02:02:36.000 Freaking us out by drinking that so quick.

02:02:39.000 I drink a lot of water.

02:02:40.000 Sorry.

02:02:40.000 No, no you don't.

02:02:41.000 That's the first time you've cracked it open.

02:02:43.000 What?

02:02:43.000 Jesus.

02:02:44.000 Yeah.

02:02:44.000 Are you guys fighting?

02:02:45.000 Well, I hydrate a lot more than he does.

02:02:47.000 Oh, is this an issue?

02:02:49.000 It is, but it's not close.

02:02:51.000 You hydrate more than her?

02:02:52.000 Of course.

02:02:52.000 Absolutely not.

02:02:53.000 I've been hydrating this whole time.

02:02:55.000 Interesting.

02:02:56.000 But he has that drink too.

02:02:58.000 Oh, I have this drink too?

02:02:59.000 This is also hydration.

02:03:00.000 Yours is much smaller.

02:03:01.000 Well, I'm a smaller being.

02:03:02.000 I weigh like a fraction of what he weighs.

02:03:05.000 I'm very tiny and petite.

02:03:08.000 Oh, geez, look at my moniker.

02:03:11.000 Dad mouth.

02:03:12.000 The water champion.

02:03:13.000 Damn you.

02:03:14.000 Did I say the water champion?

02:03:15.000 Is that what you tell people?

02:03:17.000 That's so wrong.

02:03:19.000 I'm clearly the water champion.

02:03:21.000 We've decided this.

02:03:22.000 I got to do a full new show.

02:03:25.000 A lot of times, you know, they go, you're doing like eight minutes.

02:03:28.000 Right.

02:03:28.000 I did the entire broadcast.

02:03:29.000 I did the weather and everything.

02:03:30.000 All is DJ Dadmouth.

02:03:31.000 What city was this in?

02:03:33.000 Des Moines.

02:03:34.000 Really?

02:03:34.000 Yeah.

02:03:35.000 They're probably so happy you were there.

02:03:36.000 They were just like...

02:03:37.000 Oh my god.

02:03:38.000 What are you doing in Des Moines?

02:03:39.000 I was there.

02:03:40.000 I did two nights just at the Funny Bone.

02:03:42.000 Is it fun?

02:03:43.000 Yeah, I had a really good time.

02:03:44.000 Really good time.

02:03:45.000 Did you come up with this DJ Dadmouth thing?

02:03:48.000 Was it a specific plan or did you do it for fun?

02:03:53.000 For fun.

02:03:53.000 Totally for fun.

02:03:54.000 But did you do it one day?

02:03:56.000 Yeah.

02:03:56.000 And then we just did more.

02:03:57.000 No, what happened was, tell Joe the whole story.

02:03:59.000 I was eight months pregnant, and he's like, I'm going to buy a ton of DJing equipment.

02:04:04.000 I'm like, wait, what are you doing?

02:04:06.000 He's like, I'm going to buy like $10,000 worth of shit in our house.

02:04:09.000 And I was like, all right, I clearly knew this was his last hurrah as a free person.

02:04:14.000 So I try not to give him too much static.

02:04:16.000 And then, sure enough, all this DJing stuff shows up.

02:04:19.000 Not 10 grand and stuff.

02:04:21.000 Yo, you've got decks and fucking lights and lasers in the garage.

02:04:24.000 Hey, Rob Russell?

02:04:25.000 Yes, that's what I said!

02:04:27.000 Russell Peters got you!

02:04:29.000 Yeah, he's got a lot.

02:04:30.000 He's a real DJ. He goes to clubs.

02:04:33.000 Yeah, he can do it.

02:04:35.000 He doesn't?

02:04:35.000 No, he does, yes.

02:04:36.000 He's making a face.

02:04:37.000 He does, yes.

02:04:38.000 What's that face?

02:04:38.000 She's making a face because I was like, I'll get good enough at this to do after parties after my shows.

02:04:45.000 Were you serious?

02:04:46.000 I was half serious, yeah.

02:04:48.000 Because I was like, you know what?

02:04:50.000 Because I, you know, I love hip-hop, I've always grown up, and I've always wanted to do it, so I got the, I got like, you know, introduction, not $10,000, not even $5,000, like not even close to that.

02:04:59.000 I just bought turntables and got, um...

02:05:03.000 Fur jackets, gold chains.

02:05:04.000 No, but come on, that shit was just silly to get, you know?

02:05:06.000 If you were a DJ today, and you were trying to spin turntables, don't you think people would be asking to take selfies in the middle of it, and it would fuck up your flow?

02:05:14.000 No.

02:05:15.000 If I was DJing...

02:05:16.000 Yeah, if you were doing an after party, people would try to take selfies with you.

02:05:19.000 Like, can you just take a selfie?

02:05:21.000 You're like, I'm in the middle of spinning.

02:05:22.000 I'd be up there, though.

02:05:23.000 But they don't spin anymore.

02:05:24.000 But on my Facebook.

02:05:25.000 Yeah, you're probably right.

02:05:27.000 For sure they would.

02:05:29.000 Yeah.

02:05:29.000 You might talk up your whole routine.

02:05:31.000 I have to be honest.

02:05:31.000 Who really gave me the idea where I was like, oh, this is actually possible, was Hannibal.

02:05:38.000 Because I was in Cleveland earlier this year.

02:05:41.000 And I saw him tweet that he was in Cleveland doing a pop-up show, right?

02:05:45.000 He just tweeted out, I'm doing like a, whatever, like a rock club pop-up show.

02:05:49.000 No advance notice.

02:05:51.000 So I texted him.

02:05:52.000 I was like, I'm over at Hilarity's, that great club in Cleveland.

02:05:57.000 When is your show?

02:05:58.000 And he said like nine.

02:05:59.000 I go, mine's at eight.

02:06:00.000 You want to do a guest spot?

02:06:01.000 And he goes, yeah.

02:06:02.000 So then afterwards, he had an after party at the, and that's me basically geeking out on the decks.

02:06:09.000 Look how excited Tom is.

02:06:10.000 Yeah, and then Tony Trim, which is the DJ that travels with him, was like, oh dude, you can just get this and you can just buy this stuff.

02:06:18.000 And that's what really got me to do it.

02:06:20.000 Scroll one up.

02:06:21.000 Let's look at that white guy dance move.

02:06:26.000 Look at that.

02:06:27.000 Look at that move you're doing there.

02:06:29.000 Yeah, he's doing it.

02:06:29.000 You're doing this.

02:06:30.000 Okay, Dad.

02:06:31.000 Yeah.

02:06:32.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:06:33.000 You're just listening to your seal.

02:06:34.000 But that's what really geeked me out.

02:06:35.000 But I'm never gonna survive.

02:06:37.000 But the name DJ Dadmouth came because he was becoming a father at the time.

02:06:42.000 And I was like, you're like way lame, bro.

02:06:44.000 You're me a dad.

02:06:45.000 Yeah.

02:06:45.000 And then it kind of morphed into DJ Dad.

02:06:48.000 That's true.

02:06:48.000 Or DJ Dadmouth.

02:06:49.000 All that's true.

02:06:49.000 But taking it onto morning news was like a one-time goof.

02:06:52.000 That's a whole level of funny.

02:06:53.000 That was like so funny.

02:06:54.000 I was like, I always do this all the time, you know?

02:06:56.000 So, when you went on as a one-time goof, did you have a plan, or did you just...

02:07:01.000 Not really.

02:07:02.000 What'd you do?

02:07:02.000 I was just like, the fun thing was to go...

02:07:06.000 The thing that I hate the most is when you do them, they're like, what can audiences expect this weekend?

02:07:10.000 They always say that.

02:07:11.000 Oh, I hate that.

02:07:12.000 And I'm like, a fucking show?

02:07:14.000 Jokes.

02:07:15.000 Yeah.

02:07:15.000 What do you talk about?

02:07:16.000 Yeah.

02:07:17.000 What's bothering you right now, Tom?

02:07:19.000 Yeah, that's the setup.

02:07:20.000 What's going on in your life?

02:07:22.000 And then they go, just do whatever you want.

02:07:24.000 Just have fun with it.

02:07:25.000 So when they do that, I was just like, I don't really give a fuck about comedy.

02:07:30.000 And then they were like, what?

02:07:32.000 I'm like, it's about the after party.

02:07:34.000 I'm going to be DJing while I'm here.

02:07:36.000 Just to goof on them.

02:07:37.000 It's so stupid.

02:07:37.000 It's so funny.

02:07:38.000 Because it was fun to have them be like, alright.

02:07:41.000 But you are at the funny bone, right?

02:07:42.000 I mean, for a minute.

02:07:44.000 But...

02:07:45.000 I'm like, I don't really care about the funny bone.

02:07:47.000 And then you have the funny bone sitting right there off camera like, what are you doing?

02:07:50.000 Panicking.

02:07:51.000 I'm like, who cares?

02:07:52.000 The best part is when he sets up the really cheesy anchors to ask him stupid questions.

02:07:59.000 Yeah.

02:08:00.000 Oh, you had someone do the bird is fat thing.

02:08:02.000 That was the best one.

02:08:03.000 Because you know if you ever...

02:08:04.000 Sometimes when you go, hey, ask me about farts or something.

02:08:09.000 Right.

02:08:10.000 They'll be like, eh.

02:08:11.000 So they know not to...

02:08:13.000 They check themselves on asking something provocative or that's not 100% PG. So I didn't know how it would go, but I go, oh, ask me why bird's so fat.

02:08:23.000 And the lady goes, okay.

02:08:24.000 And then so we just are in the middle of this interview...

02:08:31.000 And she goes, why is Bert so fat?

02:08:32.000 And I was like, that's a good question.

02:08:34.000 Like, I just rolled with it, you know?

02:08:36.000 And then it grew, and then a hot dog eating champion, a guy that was in the Nathan Challenge, he placed, didn't he place?

02:08:42.000 Yeah, he's like one of the, he was like a super competitive eater.

02:08:46.000 Like a Kobayashi dude?

02:08:47.000 Yes!

02:08:48.000 This guy!

02:08:50.000 Can you play the audio on this?

02:08:52.000 It's incredible.

02:08:53.000 Life-changing stuff.

02:08:55.000 I've dropped about 100 pounds in eight months.

02:08:58.000 He dropped 100 pounds?

02:08:59.000 It's my cheat day for the year.

02:09:02.000 But prepping just gallons of water.

02:09:05.000 I have two giant inspirations.

02:09:07.000 First, my wife.

02:09:08.000 It's our second anniversary today, so I want to say hi to her.

02:09:11.000 And there's a comedian I love.

02:09:14.000 He's a big, giant, fat guy just like me, Burt Kreisler.

02:09:17.000 If you can do it, I can do it.

02:09:20.000 He's still way bigger than I am, but you know what?

02:09:22.000 Maybe I can inspire him.

02:09:24.000 There you go.

02:09:25.000 Now, for people who are wise, it's funny.

02:09:26.000 This is why it's funny.

02:09:27.000 Tom and Bert have been doing this thing for a fucking year now, where Tom will write hashtag Bert is fat, and then Bert will write Tom is fat, and then they'll argue, they'll make videos with their shirts off, arguing who's fatter.

02:09:40.000 Yeah, it was fun.

02:09:41.000 It's actually, you know, it's died down a lot, but the fact that that guy...

02:09:46.000 He did it on his Dude, when I put a picture of you up, I see hashtag Bert is fat.

02:09:51.000 If I talk about you, if I tweet about you, hashtag Bert is fat.

02:09:54.000 It really took off.

02:09:56.000 That's a meme that we talked about on your mom's house, but we never thought.

02:10:01.000 We do all kinds of silly stuff, but this one really resonated with the audience.

02:10:05.000 Why did that one really resonate?

02:10:07.000 You know what?

02:10:08.000 There was great theories about this, and I think it was this.

02:10:11.000 I think Matt Fultron pointed out to me, the full charge, said, you gave him the formula.

02:10:17.000 You gave audiences a joke formula.

02:10:19.000 Here's a person.

02:10:20.000 It's a fat joke.

02:10:22.000 Go ahead.

02:10:23.000 And I think that was what was fun for people.

02:10:25.000 To fat shame somebody.

02:10:27.000 Just to jump in on something that it's all like the formula is there.

02:10:31.000 And you were asking them to pick a side.

02:10:32.000 Yes.

02:10:33.000 That's the competitive nature of it.

02:10:37.000 Yeah.

02:10:38.000 And they know that you guys really are good friends.

02:10:40.000 Some did.

02:10:41.000 Some did not.

02:10:42.000 I would say most people did.

02:10:44.000 Most people did.

02:10:44.000 Did some people get mad?

02:10:45.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:46.000 Some people were, like, really fucking, really harsh and really, like, fuck.

02:10:51.000 I've always fucking hated Bert.

02:10:52.000 He's a piece of shit.

02:10:53.000 Like, you're like, whoa!

02:10:54.000 Like, shit like that.

02:10:55.000 But it wasn't the majority.

02:10:56.000 Some people were like that, though.

02:10:58.000 Yeah.

02:10:58.000 Same thing to me.

02:10:59.000 Some people were like, you know.

02:11:01.000 See, it's one of my theories about this Trump thing.

02:11:04.000 I think people just pick a fucking side, and that side represents the battle.

02:11:09.000 And it doesn't have to make any sense.

02:11:12.000 And whatever fact you bring about, they're like, I don't care.

02:11:15.000 If I post something about Hillary, I get so many people that get so fucking upset.

02:11:21.000 I'm like, look, it doesn't take away from...

02:11:26.000 There's a bunch of different ones, but there was one recently, a WikiLeaks one, that came out today where WikiLeaks is saying that she asked about Julian Assange whether they could just drone this guy.

02:11:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:11:40.000 Which is kind of funny.

02:11:41.000 Yeah, I get it.

02:11:43.000 You know, she's saying he's thumbing his nose up in America, can't we just drone this guy?

02:11:47.000 Who knows whether she really said it or not.

02:11:49.000 But the problem is, if somebody tweets it, the people that support Hillary don't go, whoa, that's kind of interesting.

02:11:55.000 They go, oh, you fucking think that she really mean that?

02:11:58.000 Where's your proof?

02:11:59.000 All of a sudden, they're defending their side.

02:12:02.000 They're defending that person.

02:12:03.000 They're so emotionally invested in her winning over Trump that instead of going, whoa, did she really say that?

02:12:09.000 Right, let's check the story out.

02:12:11.000 And as a human being, just going, What do you think she meant?

02:12:14.000 Do you think it was a joke?

02:12:15.000 Or is she crazy?

02:12:16.000 Do you think this is what they really do?

02:12:18.000 And then you start thinking about some of the things that have taken place, like that fucking kid who leaked the emails to the DNC and wound up getting shot at 4 o'clock in the morning in the back in front of his house.

02:12:26.000 You know that story, right?

02:12:28.000 I don't know that story.

02:12:29.000 No!

02:12:30.000 No, this is a kid, 4 o'clock in the morning, this is a guy who leaked the emails that showed that they collaborated to get Hillary elected over Bernie Sanders, make sure that she got the nomination.

02:12:40.000 I mean, they literally distorted, they distorted democracy.

02:12:44.000 Like, the Democratic National...

02:12:46.000 Campaign was working to try to get Hillary elected over him.

02:12:51.000 Because Bernie Sanders is not really a Democrat.

02:12:53.000 He's more of an independent.

02:12:55.000 He doesn't play party-line games.

02:12:59.000 And they had decided pretty early on that they were going to support her.

02:13:02.000 So it's not like the Democratic National Committee is just being completely objective and just doing their best.

02:13:08.000 He was murdered?

02:13:09.000 Julie Assange, hence murdered DC staffer, was email leaker.

02:13:13.000 Offers $20,000 reward for info.

02:13:15.000 Oh my goodness.

02:13:17.000 Yeah, this is a crazy story.

02:13:19.000 It's a crazy story.

02:13:21.000 I mean, if that is what happened and they decided to have someone kill that kid.

02:13:25.000 So that kid is the one that leaked that.

02:13:27.000 Exactly.

02:13:27.000 But here's the thing.

02:13:28.000 It worked.

02:13:29.000 Not only is it he's dead, but no one's talking about it anymore.

02:13:32.000 It's just one of those things that just kind of went away.

02:13:34.000 I don't know what happened.

02:13:35.000 I mean, he might have just been killed in some random act of violence because he was in a bad place at the wrong time.

02:13:41.000 Or, somebody might have fucking killed him.

02:13:43.000 That might have happened too.

02:13:45.000 Deliberate.

02:13:46.000 If he really did leak those emails, that is nuts.

02:13:50.000 That's scary.

02:13:51.000 That's a movie.

02:13:52.000 Yeah, that is a movie.

02:13:53.000 It sure is.

02:13:54.000 And in this crazy, chaotic election, nobody has any time for that.

02:13:58.000 There's too many other things you have to be thinking about.

02:14:00.000 There's a million different things going on at the same time.

02:14:04.000 Yeah, it really makes you, like, those picking sides things, too, always makes you realize, I think, that elections are never decided by either side.

02:14:12.000 It really is decided by that person that can be swayed.

02:14:15.000 It's such a small...

02:14:16.000 That's the weird thing.

02:14:17.000 You know, you're never going to sway the far left or the far right.

02:14:21.000 It's all about the person who's like, hmm.

02:14:23.000 But who is the undecided?

02:14:24.000 Like, are you really...

02:14:25.000 Those are two polar, in my opinion, opposite people, Trump and Hillary.

02:14:30.000 It's not like, how are you on the fence?

02:14:33.000 I don't understand the way they're thinking.

02:14:34.000 They're so polar, it's a joke.

02:14:36.000 Yeah.

02:14:37.000 Right.

02:14:37.000 It's like a cartoon.

02:14:38.000 Right.

02:14:40.000 It's almost like good and evil and male and feminine.

02:14:43.000 They have to be able to ignore the noise of all the news stuff and the conversations.

02:14:47.000 You really got to be like, what's the policy on this?

02:14:50.000 And then I guess some people are actually caught up, you know, thinking about...

02:14:55.000 Oh, like an actual...

02:14:56.000 And then not the drama of it all and the personality.

02:14:58.000 Yeah, you have to ignore the drama.

02:14:59.000 Right.

02:14:59.000 If you're one of those people that's actually going back and forth.

02:15:02.000 Hmm.

02:15:02.000 Right?

02:15:03.000 You have to.

02:15:04.000 Well, just neither are ideal.

02:15:07.000 And anybody that pretends that either are ideal is crazy.

02:15:11.000 Yeah.

02:15:11.000 No.

02:15:12.000 So, I get you want to stop Trump because you think he represents everything that's wrong in the world.

02:15:17.000 Well, to some people, Hillary represents everything that's wrong in politics.

02:15:21.000 Right.

02:15:21.000 Some people have a problem with that, too.

02:15:22.000 Right.

02:15:23.000 It's just...

02:15:25.000 The whole thing, it's a weird sort of a social study, as much as it is an election.

02:15:32.000 You're watching this team thing play out in this very strange way.

02:15:36.000 Yeah.

02:15:37.000 Yeah.

02:15:38.000 Well, I don't know.

02:15:40.000 I don't know either.

02:15:42.000 I don't know either.

02:15:43.000 Who do you think is going to win?

02:15:44.000 That's the thing.

02:15:45.000 See, that's the thing.

02:15:46.000 It's like, who do you think is going to win?

02:15:47.000 I don't know.

02:15:48.000 I'm thinking.

02:15:48.000 I think people will fucking pick a side.

02:15:52.000 They'll pick a side, whether it's Democrat or Republican, they'll pick a side at some point in their life, and then they just start accepting stuff to stay on the team.

02:16:01.000 Yeah.

02:16:01.000 Right.

02:16:01.000 Start going with stuff that goes that way.

02:16:03.000 Yeah.

02:16:03.000 And, you know, I mean, there's, like, some ridiculous, like, super ultra-sensitive left-wing stuff that I think's preposterous.

02:16:11.000 And then there's some ridiculous right-wing, super conservative, ultra-religious stuff that I think's preposterous.

02:16:17.000 And you can only be one or the other.

02:16:19.000 Like, if you're a Republican, you have to believe in God, and you have to be conservative, and you have to, you know, you have to...

02:16:25.000 Right.

02:16:25.000 Now, the party, what the party is now is completely different than what it was in the 80s when Reagan was chilling and everyone was happy.

02:16:32.000 Sure.

02:16:32.000 Well, in the 80s is when they courted the religious right.

02:16:35.000 That's how they made it the religious right.

02:16:37.000 The 80s, those religious people are a big part of the reason why Reagan got elected in the first place.

02:16:42.000 Because they organized.

02:16:43.000 Those church people organized.

02:16:45.000 They all supported him because he was supporting Christian values.

02:16:48.000 There was much more of a separation of church and state in the earlier years of the government.

02:16:54.000 Yeah, I feel like this year's election is, in our lifetime or my lifetime, is the most, like, the votes are based on the hatred of the other candidate more so than supporting the candidate.

02:17:08.000 In some ways, but some people love Trump.

02:17:10.000 They fucking love him, man.

02:17:11.000 They love the idea that this guy's gonna come in and just shake it up.

02:17:16.000 Shake it up.

02:17:17.000 Shake it up with all kinds of stupid.

02:17:19.000 That's what I'm gonna do.

02:17:20.000 That is the dumbest fucking guy.

02:17:22.000 That's absurd.

02:17:24.000 That debate the other night was insane.

02:17:26.000 Yeah.

02:17:26.000 I saw people that I like who said that he won the debate.

02:17:29.000 That's so...

02:17:30.000 What?

02:17:30.000 Yeah.

02:17:31.000 Dave Rubin said it.

02:17:32.000 No, boo-boo.

02:17:33.000 Yeah, Dave Rubin said he thinks that overall Trump won.

02:17:37.000 Maybe the beginning was just...

02:17:39.000 Brutal.

02:17:40.000 I missed the beginning.

02:17:41.000 Did you see the beginning?

02:17:42.000 No, I did not either.

02:17:43.000 I only saw the end when he was just stumbling.

02:17:45.000 He said he has a winning temperament.

02:17:47.000 She just clowned him.

02:17:49.000 The winning temperament thing was such a childish temper tantrum.

02:17:53.000 Well, it's so weird because he turns it around.

02:17:57.000 The question was, did you say that Hillary doesn't have the right look to be president?

02:18:02.000 He goes, the look, the stamina.

02:18:05.000 She doesn't have the stamina.

02:18:06.000 And she doesn't have a winning temperament.

02:18:08.000 I have a winning temperament.

02:18:09.000 And he turns it around on himself.

02:18:10.000 Because he knows it's a big knock.

02:18:13.000 So he's getting defensive.

02:18:14.000 That was bait that he couldn't ignore.

02:18:17.000 Because the big knock had been, well, one of the big knocks was like, well, you don't have the temperament.

02:18:22.000 Because he's very thin-skinned, right?

02:18:24.000 Like anybody tweets something at him, he fights, you know, he does all the insults.

02:18:28.000 It's because his temperament...

02:18:30.000 That doesn't seem presidential.

02:18:32.000 But he has a winning temperament.

02:18:33.000 That's the spin, isn't it?

02:18:34.000 It's a neat spin.

02:18:35.000 That's a scary part.

02:18:36.000 But it just shows how much he absorbed all that stuff and was defensive about it.

02:18:40.000 Yeah.

02:18:40.000 Yeah, I know.

02:18:41.000 He's very defensive.

02:18:42.000 So he's totally presidential.

02:18:43.000 Yeah, he gets very, like, doesn't really get away, but it's one of those things that his supporters ignore was how often, you know, he just goes like, wrong, like he would, wrong.

02:18:53.000 That's not, never said that.

02:18:55.000 And it's all stuff that he did say.

02:18:56.000 Yeah.

02:18:57.000 And they just go like, well, who cares?

02:18:58.000 He just...

02:18:59.000 And didn't some part of the tax thing came out that he...

02:19:03.000 How much money did he claim?

02:19:05.000 915-something million dollars in losses.

02:19:08.000 So he didn't have to pay taxes for a long time.

02:19:11.000 18 years, yeah.

02:19:12.000 18 years?

02:19:13.000 No taxes?

02:19:13.000 Really?

02:19:14.000 Well, they said that he basically...

02:19:16.000 It's legal, what they're saying.

02:19:18.000 But this might be the reason why he hasn't wanted to release...

02:19:21.000 His tax returns is that that level of loss would allow him to not pay taxes on essentially 50 million in income, no federal taxes for about 20 years.

02:19:34.000 But they're saying, you know, that's why the reluctance to probably because once that's out there, even though he didn't break a law, that's, you know.

02:19:42.000 Well, it also crushes the illusion that he's a successful businessman.

02:19:46.000 Of course.

02:19:47.000 Of course.

02:19:48.000 Yeah.

02:19:48.000 That you don't lose $950 million or whatever it was if you're doing great.

02:19:53.000 Yeah.

02:19:54.000 That's just a fact.

02:19:55.000 He's filed bankruptcy.

02:19:55.000 I mean, not personal bankruptcy, but...

02:19:57.000 A couple times.

02:19:58.000 A few times, yeah.

02:19:59.000 But it was weird when he was talking on the debate and Hillary brought that up and he goes, it's because I'm smart.

02:20:04.000 Yeah.

02:20:05.000 Yeah.

02:20:06.000 Like, I'm smart.

02:20:07.000 I don't pay taxes because I'm smart.

02:20:09.000 You're running for...

02:20:11.000 Yeah.

02:20:13.000 Like, people who have paid taxes, who only make like 40 grand a year, you're not going to want to hear that.

02:20:17.000 Right.

02:20:18.000 President Camacho, man.

02:20:19.000 We might get him.

02:20:20.000 We're getting him.

02:20:21.000 The prophecy of idiocracy.

02:20:22.000 Yeah, I know.

02:20:23.000 It's crazy.

02:20:23.000 What do you think is going to happen next?

02:20:25.000 Because this is what's fascinating to me.

02:20:27.000 It's like, once we get through him, okay?

02:20:30.000 And whether or not he...

02:20:31.000 I don't think he can win at this point, but I've been wrong before.

02:20:33.000 Yeah.

02:20:43.000 Again, this is the hate mail episode.

02:20:47.000 Let's say if he wins, it's going to be very fascinating.

02:20:50.000 For us, it's going to be a windfall.

02:20:52.000 You know what it's going to be like?

02:20:54.000 It's like, have you ever done like a...

02:20:57.000 When I was living in New York, there was an inside joke with comedians that, like, if you were all a bunch of starters, you just started out, and there was a black comic, that comic would always want to go on last.

02:21:09.000 Like, no, man, I was told I was supposed to headline.

02:21:12.000 But if it was a black guy with two other black guys, he always wanted to go on first.

02:21:18.000 Oh, right, right.

02:21:19.000 So they could do all the, man, I haven't seen this many white people since my trial!

02:21:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:21:23.000 A bunch of hacky shit.

02:21:25.000 Yeah, auction jokes.

02:21:27.000 Yeah.

02:21:28.000 If Trump becomes president, we will all be that hacky urban comic.

02:21:32.000 Right.

02:21:32.000 We'll just, there'll be so much to choose.

02:21:34.000 Four years of bad jokes.

02:21:36.000 You want to go on stage early, because you don't want to go on after everybody beats the Trump material in the ground.

02:21:41.000 That's so true.

02:21:42.000 That is so true.

02:21:43.000 Your hair stuff, your hair jokes.

02:21:45.000 Oh, the orange face.

02:21:46.000 Well, then it's all the crazy shit he's going to say.

02:21:49.000 Yeah.

02:21:49.000 All the dumb shit he's going to do.

02:21:51.000 But, you know, I get the feeling that he doesn't really want to be president.

02:21:54.000 I don't think so either.

02:21:55.000 He just likes the attention.

02:21:56.000 He's a bit of a megalomaniac.

02:21:58.000 He likes people talking about him.

02:22:00.000 But it's so, okay, let's say he gets elected.

02:22:02.000 I really don't see him doing...

02:22:04.000 What's the motivation?

02:22:06.000 So he's just going to be in the headlines now and...

02:22:08.000 He wants to be referred to as Mr. President.

02:22:11.000 I think that's the biggest rush for him.

02:22:13.000 Do you think that once you get in, though, I mean, once he's in there, maybe he's not going to want to let it go, though.

02:22:19.000 Maybe he's going to actually try to make a mark, you know, do some stupid shit.

02:22:23.000 I feel like his favorite, his perfect scenario, I don't think he would ever want to give up running his businesses.

02:22:29.000 I think he loves it.

02:22:30.000 He loves his lifestyle.

02:22:31.000 I don't think he wants to be tied to the White House.

02:22:33.000 I think his dream scenario is that this is a close race.

02:22:37.000 And then he goes like, I basically should have won.

02:22:40.000 This was pretty much rigged.

02:22:42.000 And there should be another vote count.

02:22:43.000 Well, he was saying that about the debate.

02:22:45.000 Yeah, he did.

02:22:46.000 It was a rigged deal.

02:22:47.000 Yes, a rigged deal.

02:22:49.000 He said that about one of those, what's it called?

02:22:53.000 When there were more candidates in the Republican primaries.

02:22:57.000 He lost one state.

02:22:58.000 And the day or two after, he was like, I think I won.

02:23:02.000 He lost to Iowa or something.

02:23:04.000 He was like, I think I won.

02:23:05.000 He didn't want to give it What's he gonna even do?

02:23:09.000 Like, what does he want?

02:23:10.000 It's just so amazing that he's this close.

02:23:13.000 It's so amazing that he's the nominee.

02:23:14.000 I know.

02:23:15.000 It's so embarrassing for the Republicans.

02:23:17.000 It's embarrassing for all of us.

02:23:18.000 We just left Columbus where this happened as we were leaving.

02:23:21.000 What?

02:23:21.000 A random janitor found all these black ballot boxes in a warehouse.

02:23:25.000 What?

02:23:25.000 And they're already filled out for a bunch of Franklin County, like, What?

02:23:34.000 Where is this?

02:23:35.000 I was looking at it and I was like, I don't know how, but I'm seeing it on a bunch of news sites right now.

02:23:39.000 It's being looked into right now.

02:23:41.000 What website is this at?

02:23:43.000 This one is from PamelaGeller.com.

02:23:45.000 Who's Pamela Geller?

02:23:46.000 I have no idea.

02:23:47.000 I just clicked on the first one I saw, but this was like the local NBC station was reporting it.

02:23:51.000 Pamela Geller.

02:23:51.000 That's Donald Trump's niece.

02:23:52.000 Snopes reported it.

02:23:54.000 Whoa.

02:23:55.000 It says false, but it's on a bunch of sites right now, so it might not be true.

02:23:59.000 Sorry I brought that up just now.

02:24:01.000 Why would they do it before the election?

02:24:03.000 Damn it.

02:24:03.000 Origin.

02:24:04.000 See there, look at this.

02:24:05.000 That'll be weird.

02:24:05.000 Christian Times newspaper, an article reporting tens of thousands.

02:24:08.000 It's fake, dude.

02:24:10.000 Yeah.

02:24:10.000 How dare you, Jamie?

02:24:11.000 I love how they're all marked ballot box, too, so you know.

02:24:15.000 Yeah.

02:24:16.000 Lest you be confused.

02:24:18.000 Clinton ballot boxes.

02:24:20.000 I know.

02:24:21.000 It's not only that.

02:24:23.000 If you look at some of them, the way it was, it looked like they were photoshopped on because it was not parallel with the box itself.

02:24:30.000 Okay, let's get rid of this, Jamie.

02:24:31.000 This is fake.

02:24:34.000 It's happened.

02:24:35.000 I'm sure they've done it before.

02:24:37.000 I'm sure someone has written it.

02:24:38.000 You ever see Hacking Democracy?

02:24:39.000 No.

02:24:40.000 Hacking Democracy is great.

02:24:41.000 It was an HBO documentary on those machines, the Diebold machines.

02:24:46.000 Is this the hang-in Chad?

02:24:47.000 No.

02:24:48.000 No.

02:24:48.000 But that happened.

02:24:49.000 They rigged the machines.

02:24:50.000 The machines were rigged so that they could have a third party enter data.

02:24:54.000 So, like, not just you, not the person who counts, but a third person who enters data to change the votes.

02:24:59.000 What?

02:24:59.000 The machines, yeah, the machines were 100% hackable.

02:25:04.000 Oh, my God.

02:25:04.000 And they had designed them to be hackable.

02:25:07.000 They designed them to have third party input.

02:25:09.000 And they showed in the hacking democracy, the guy got into the thing and changed the vote.

02:25:13.000 He changed a vote, demonstrated it to them, and then they were sitting there going, what the fuck?

02:25:18.000 And not only that, the guy who made those machines, or the company who made those machines, was a gigantic supporter of the Republican Party.

02:25:26.000 And this is when, during the Bush administration.

02:25:29.000 Oh, man.

02:25:30.000 Yeah, I mean, they changed their name.

02:25:31.000 The company, Diebold, they had to switch their name.

02:25:33.000 They switched their name.

02:25:35.000 They also make ATMs.

02:25:37.000 Oh no.

02:25:38.000 Oh no.

02:25:40.000 Just getting people elected, making payments.

02:25:43.000 Okay.

02:25:46.000 It's crazy.

02:25:46.000 It's crazy how many high-ranking Republicans renounced their cards and announced that they weren't.

02:25:55.000 It's a lot.

02:25:56.000 Oh, here's one I forgot I wanted to bring up.

02:25:58.000 That guy Hassert, I think that's his name, who got convicted.

02:26:01.000 He was some big-time judge who got convicted of child molestation.

02:26:07.000 Oh, old Dennis.

02:26:08.000 Yes, Dennis Hassert, right?

02:26:10.000 Wasn't he a senator or a congressman?

02:26:12.000 What was he?

02:26:12.000 Sentenced to 15 months.

02:26:14.000 That's it.

02:26:15.000 Oh my gosh.

02:26:16.000 15 months.

02:26:17.000 That's all you get for that?

02:26:19.000 Yeah.

02:26:19.000 For illegally structuring bank transactions.

02:26:23.000 Scroll back down, please.

02:26:27.000 Illegally structuring bank transactions in an effort to cover off his sexual abuse of young members of the wrestling team that he coached decades ago.

02:26:35.000 What the fuck?

02:26:37.000 How do you only get 15 months for that?

02:26:40.000 He was Speaker of the House.

02:26:42.000 Yeah.

02:26:43.000 Yeah, he was Speaker of the House, right?

02:26:45.000 Yeah.

02:26:46.000 How the fuck?

02:26:48.000 Is he old?

02:26:49.000 Oh, he's 74. That might be a part of it.

02:26:52.000 He's so old.

02:26:53.000 Shoot him.

02:26:54.000 He was diddling years ago.

02:26:55.000 Why not shoot him?

02:26:55.000 Let those kids all line up.

02:26:57.000 Hey, hold on.

02:26:57.000 Go back, please.

02:26:59.000 Read this here.

02:26:59.000 Mr. Hassert, 74, who made an unlikely rise from beloved small-town wrestling coach in Illinois to Speaker of the House in Washington...

02:27:19.000 Oh my god.

02:27:23.000 Wow.

02:27:28.000 Wow.

02:27:29.000 Look at this.

02:27:30.000 Some actions can obliterate a lifetime of good works.

02:27:34.000 Nothing is more stunning than having serial child molester and Speaker of the House in the same sentence.

02:27:39.000 That was a judge.

02:27:41.000 15 months is the full sentence.

02:27:43.000 That's it.

02:27:43.000 And he ordered him to pay $250,000 in fines.

02:27:47.000 Even if you paid those kids $1,000 every time you fucked them.

02:27:51.000 Do you think it was 250 times?

02:27:52.000 No.

02:27:53.000 He got off cheap.

02:27:54.000 You know, Joe, I used to be a fan of yours.

02:27:56.000 Publishing me.

02:27:57.000 Here, a series of illnesses, including a stroke, bloodstream infection.

02:28:01.000 So he's sickly and old, which is, I bet, why they're not giving him the whole thing.

02:28:07.000 So what?

02:28:08.000 So what?

02:28:09.000 I think they should cut his balls off publicly.

02:28:18.000 Oh, my God.

02:28:34.000 Recalled abuse that occurred on a locker room training table when he was 17. I felt intense pain, shame, and guilt.

02:28:42.000 Holy shit.

02:28:44.000 What a piece of shit, huh?

02:28:45.000 This guy got away with it for so long.

02:28:47.000 So long.

02:28:48.000 Raping little kids.

02:28:51.000 Wow.

02:28:52.000 It's just amazing that that relationship that he had as a Speaker of the House allowed him to only get 15 months.

02:28:59.000 Yeah.

02:28:59.000 He should be in jail for life.

02:29:00.000 Forever.

02:29:00.000 And he got, by the way, so many, the judge received so many letters about what an awesome guy and all the awesome things that he did.

02:29:07.000 Oh my God.

02:29:07.000 Get the fuck out of here.

02:29:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:29:09.000 Everybody was, you know, I mean, high-ranking people were like, he's done amazing work.

02:29:13.000 Well, that must mean that he knows something.

02:29:16.000 Oh, right.

02:29:17.000 They must have helped him because he knows something.

02:29:20.000 It must have been one of those things where, look, if I go to jail, you're all fucked.

02:29:24.000 Yeah, you write that fucking letter.

02:29:26.000 Who else stands up ever, ever?

02:29:30.000 Joe Paterno, right?

02:29:31.000 When that whole shit was going down with Sandusky, even Paterno was like, ah.

02:29:35.000 Yeah, I don't know shit.

02:29:37.000 What the fuck?

02:29:37.000 Everybody backed away from Sandusky.

02:29:39.000 Nobody stood up for him.

02:29:40.000 Of course, of course.

02:29:41.000 Wow.

02:29:42.000 The story's breaking right now.

02:29:44.000 I heard on the news this week and there's a doctor that used to work for the USA Olympic team and like the gymnast.

02:29:49.000 Yeah?

02:29:49.000 He's been accused of I can tell you what they said.

02:29:53.000 Sexual abuse allegations?

02:29:54.000 Digitally inserting girls to correct their backs with no gloves on and stuff like that, he said.

02:29:59.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:29:59.000 He's going in their pussy to correct their back?

02:30:01.000 Yeah, that's what he was saying he was doing, and he did it when they were on trips with no parents around and whatnot.

02:30:06.000 Oh, my God!

02:30:08.000 I learned that technique years ago, but I didn't know that it was still being done.

02:30:12.000 Your wife has straight posture.

02:30:13.000 I didn't notice that.

02:30:14.000 Maybe.

02:30:15.000 The three-digit technique, it's called.

02:30:17.000 Yeah.

02:30:18.000 Just threaten with the pinky, right?

02:30:19.000 Yep.

02:30:23.000 Shoulders back!

02:30:26.000 What the fuck, man?

02:30:27.000 Oh my god, dude.

02:30:29.000 That's scary stuff.

02:30:31.000 Did you hear about Kim Kardashian getting held up at gunpoint in Paris?

02:30:34.000 Yeah, that's horrible.

02:30:35.000 Like, tied up in a bath?

02:30:36.000 Tied up and gagged?

02:30:37.000 Yeah.

02:30:38.000 Terrible, man.

02:30:38.000 That is terrible.

02:30:39.000 That's scary shit.

02:30:40.000 And the guys were dressed up as cops.

02:30:42.000 This is a really well-planned...

02:30:46.000 I know, man.

02:30:46.000 Robbery.

02:30:47.000 That's terrifying.

02:30:48.000 $9 million in jewelry.

02:30:51.000 They had $9 million in jewelry on them.

02:30:53.000 In jewelry?

02:30:53.000 That's incredible.

02:30:54.000 Yeah.

02:30:55.000 Yeah, I heard that he was performing in the middle of a song.

02:31:00.000 Somebody ran on stage and told him.

02:31:01.000 Yeah, and he said there was a family member.

02:31:02.000 Yeah, and took off.

02:31:03.000 When you say him, you mean Kanye West, of course.

02:31:05.000 Yes, yes.

02:31:06.000 Most people don't know what you're talking about.

02:31:07.000 Yeezy is who I was talking about.

02:31:09.000 What the fuck, man?

02:31:10.000 Yeezus.

02:31:11.000 How scary that must be.

02:31:13.000 Someone robbing you for...

02:31:14.000 Imagine having $9 million of jewelry on you, too.

02:31:16.000 Yeah, that you flew internationally with.

02:31:18.000 Yeah, you have a dope house on you.

02:31:21.000 Yeah.

02:31:21.000 That's a dope house.

02:31:22.000 And you're flossing it everywhere you go.

02:31:25.000 Yeah.

02:31:26.000 Nine million.

02:31:27.000 The amount of money they make.

02:31:28.000 I read something about her app, the amount of money that she makes off some app.

02:31:32.000 It's absurd.

02:31:33.000 It's like $50 million a month or something.

02:31:35.000 It's something crazy.

02:31:36.000 Yeah.

02:31:37.000 $50 or $80 million a year is what I saw.

02:31:38.000 Well, I might have made up some numbers.

02:31:40.000 Yeah, but that's still an outrageous amount of money.

02:31:42.000 It's incredible.

02:31:42.000 To play a game where you're like, I'm Kim, I'm buying a purse or something.

02:31:45.000 That's what we're talking about.

02:31:46.000 Well, yeah, she got robbed.

02:31:48.000 Robbed at gunpoint in Paris.

02:31:49.000 I saw that.

02:31:49.000 Paris seems like a dangerous fuckin' spot.

02:31:52.000 Yeah.

02:31:53.000 Shit keeps going down in Paris.

02:31:54.000 Yeah, keeps going down.

02:31:55.000 Charlie Hebdo, then the nightclub shooting thing.

02:31:58.000 Yeah.

02:31:59.000 Nice, France.

02:32:00.000 Like, France itself.

02:32:01.000 Nice, France was the truck that drove over all those people.

02:32:04.000 Yeah, yeah, that's right.

02:32:05.000 Then KK got robbed.

02:32:06.000 Mm-hmm.

02:32:07.000 KK. Mm-hmm.

02:32:09.000 Okay.

02:32:09.000 Mm-hmm.

02:32:10.000 All right.

02:32:11.000 Imagine growing up a kid today.

02:32:12.000 These are your...

02:32:13.000 Oh, my God.

02:32:14.000 These are your heroes?

02:32:15.000 Yeah, but...

02:32:16.000 Brought in $100 million since the launch.

02:32:18.000 Jesus Christ.

02:32:18.000 I do think what she went through is absolutely terrifying.

02:32:21.000 That's got to be really, really horrible.

02:32:23.000 100%.

02:32:23.000 Yeah.

02:32:24.000 Do you want to predict what kind of guy Angelina Jolie hooks up with?

02:32:28.000 This is what I think.

02:32:29.000 Let's do this.

02:32:30.000 Long hair, wooden beads, for sure.

02:32:32.000 Yes!

02:32:33.000 Probably does yoga, maybe in the Peace Corps.

02:32:35.000 He's going to be really poor and doesn't care about money.

02:32:40.000 Yeah.

02:32:41.000 He's more of an activist and doesn't even act.

02:32:46.000 But then she's going to dump him after he wants to act because once they're together for a while, he's going to get some offers to do some stuff.

02:32:52.000 She's going to want him to go to a basketball game.

02:32:55.000 He doesn't want to do it.

02:32:56.000 A couple of public appearances.

02:32:58.000 Yeah.

02:32:59.000 That is really spot on.

02:33:01.000 I think you're really right here.

02:33:03.000 It's someone not in the public eye.

02:33:04.000 Yeah, I'm thinking...

02:33:05.000 Just an unknown guy.

02:33:06.000 Yeah, like an earthy kind of raw cotton shirt.

02:33:11.000 Vegan.

02:33:11.000 Yeah.

02:33:12.000 He sews his own clothing, you know, that kind of thing.

02:33:15.000 Mm-hmm.

02:33:15.000 Yeah.

02:33:16.000 He's a professional cuddler.

02:33:18.000 Did you know that there are people that are called cuddlists and they cuddle you for money?

02:33:22.000 He's that guy.

02:33:23.000 Yeah, I've heard of that, but I don't understand.

02:33:25.000 I can do it.

02:33:25.000 Come here.

02:33:26.000 People get hard.

02:33:27.000 I know what happens.

02:33:28.000 You've got to deal with that.

02:33:29.000 You've got to refuse that bomb.

02:33:30.000 Liability.

02:33:31.000 There's just a lot of tickling and...

02:33:34.000 She does fluctuate, though.

02:33:35.000 So before Brad, wasn't she with Billy Bob Thornton?

02:33:39.000 And she used to carry his blood around in a vial on her neck.

02:33:43.000 Do you know how crazy she must be in bed?

02:33:46.000 She might go weird again, because Brad seemed real normal.

02:33:50.000 Right.

02:33:51.000 I might go weird again.

02:33:53.000 Yeah.

02:33:53.000 See, she could control that hot guy just the same way she could control Billy Bob.

02:33:57.000 She's like, I like this better.

02:33:59.000 Yeah.

02:34:00.000 Get the hot one.

02:34:00.000 Look at the two of them together.

02:34:02.000 Yeah.

02:34:02.000 Yeah, he had a beret.

02:34:04.000 I like the sunglasses.

02:34:05.000 It's not like it's night or anything.

02:34:06.000 Yeah.

02:34:07.000 Keep those on, Billy, for sure.

02:34:09.000 Yeah.

02:34:10.000 Interesting.

02:34:11.000 She's eating butthole, for sure.

02:34:12.000 For sure.

02:34:12.000 Mm-hmm.

02:34:13.000 Everybody's.

02:34:14.000 Yeah.

02:34:14.000 Everybody she meets.

02:34:15.000 Yeah.

02:34:16.000 Yeah.

02:34:17.000 That's how she greets you.

02:34:18.000 Yeah.

02:34:19.000 She got Billy Bob tattooed on her arm, remember?

02:34:21.000 She was way into that guy.

02:34:22.000 Yeah, he's grabbing her tits right there in front of America.

02:34:25.000 Probably a whole lot of fun.

02:34:27.000 A whole lot of crazy.

02:34:28.000 Yeah.

02:34:28.000 Yeah, next guy, Yogi.

02:34:30.000 Yeah.

02:34:31.000 Like, probably wears flip-flops a lot.

02:34:33.000 Yeah.

02:34:34.000 Yeah.

02:34:35.000 Totally.

02:34:36.000 But he's got to have some edge to him.

02:34:37.000 That's what's going to excite her, right?

02:34:38.000 He's got to have a little edge.

02:34:40.000 No, I think she's going to want to control the guy.

02:34:44.000 Plus, there's the kids.

02:34:45.000 There's a lot of kids.

02:34:45.000 Yeah.

02:34:46.000 He's got to be real into being step-daddy.

02:34:49.000 She's like, how do you feel about seven kids?

02:34:52.000 That's great.

02:34:53.000 I love it.

02:34:53.000 Or wouldn't it a crazier move be to never have a relationship again?

02:34:56.000 Just to dedicate herself to children from now on?

02:34:59.000 Just take care of kids?

02:35:00.000 That could be the move that she's going to do.

02:35:00.000 That might be the move.

02:35:01.000 Yeah.

02:35:02.000 And then she goes J-Lo style, just gets a bunch of little boys and just fucks them and kicks them out.

02:35:07.000 Get the fuck out of my house, bitch.

02:35:09.000 You know?

02:35:10.000 It's not bad.

02:35:11.000 Maybe that's the move.

02:35:12.000 If I divorce Tom, I might do that.

02:35:14.000 Why get married again?

02:35:16.000 You can't.

02:35:16.000 He's the love of my life.

02:35:18.000 This would be...

02:35:19.000 Wham song, Never Gonna Dance Again, just started playing in my head.

02:35:22.000 No, never gonna dance again.

02:35:25.000 I got no rhythm.

02:35:29.000 Speculation's always fun.

02:35:31.000 Would you go for the young, you look pretty young things?

02:35:35.000 The PYTs?

02:35:36.000 No, she would go for big black guys.

02:35:39.000 You think so?

02:35:40.000 Wait, wait, oh, me or Angelina?

02:35:42.000 No, I'm not into the black guys.

02:35:44.000 You would be.

02:35:45.000 After Tom, you'd know the one thing you'd really heard.

02:35:48.000 You'd be like, I heard that music for so many years, I want to give it a shot.

02:35:50.000 And then you'd try them, and then you would like it.

02:35:53.000 Wait, walk me through the logic, though.

02:35:55.000 Give me the backstory.

02:35:56.000 Well, that's what Tom was terrified of, is just a football player with a giant hog.

02:36:02.000 Right.

02:36:02.000 Yeah.

02:36:03.000 Yeah, but I kind of fantasize about it, too.

02:36:06.000 Right.

02:36:06.000 Well, that's the poly part.

02:36:08.000 That's our thing.

02:36:08.000 Yeah.

02:36:10.000 I feel like I'm kind of in the room, and I'm like...

02:36:12.000 Go get it, get it, get it, man.

02:36:15.000 Would you want to be in the room in an invisible bubble where they couldn't hear you and you could just yell out and you could just jerk off freely?

02:36:23.000 Or would you want them to know you were there and just kind of whimper a little bit?

02:36:28.000 I kind of fantasize about the invisible part would be cool, but also if I'm like...

02:36:35.000 Yeah, Trey!

02:36:36.000 Like, kind of behind him, you know?

02:36:40.000 And he's like, shut up, white boy!

02:36:44.000 Like, he talks some shit, and I'm like, all right, sorry.

02:36:46.000 He's like, does he make you suck his dick?

02:36:48.000 Because sometimes they do.

02:36:48.000 Sometimes they make the guy, get over here, motherfucker, suck my dick.

02:36:51.000 I don't want to suck his dick.

02:36:52.000 And then they go back to fucking the girl.

02:36:54.000 But I want...

02:36:56.000 Cuck holding?

02:36:57.000 Is that what this is?

02:36:58.000 Yeah.

02:36:58.000 That's extreme cuck holding.

02:36:59.000 With a racial bias.

02:37:00.000 I want to do that.

02:37:02.000 I want to walk up behind, like when he's done, and you're like, oh my god.

02:37:08.000 And eat his ass?

02:37:09.000 No.

02:37:10.000 And he shakes it off.

02:37:11.000 He's like, ugh, like that.

02:37:12.000 And he's like, I go, oh, I guess it's my turn.

02:37:15.000 And then he's like, nah, hold on.

02:37:17.000 And then he's like, yo, Kwan!

02:37:18.000 And then like six guys come in.

02:37:20.000 He's like, they gotta go first.

02:37:21.000 And then like But then what's the tagline?

02:37:24.000 You know how they need a funny line to wrap up the scene?

02:37:27.000 I love how you're shaking a paintbrush and dry.

02:37:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:37:31.000 I think that move's getting more popular.

02:37:34.000 That's the equivalent of dropping a mic in porn now.

02:37:37.000 But then he's like, and I took your wife.

02:37:39.000 What's the seal to the button to the scene?

02:37:44.000 Yeah, you're right.

02:37:45.000 That's what they call black magic.

02:37:47.000 Who's that painter that does that?

02:37:48.000 What's that?

02:37:49.000 Jackson Pollock?

02:37:49.000 No, Jackson Pollock.

02:37:50.000 Yeah.

02:37:51.000 Bob Ross.

02:37:52.000 Yeah.

02:37:52.000 No, Jackson Pollock's the guy that throws the paint all over the place.

02:37:55.000 That's what it would be.

02:37:56.000 That's what he's closing in line.

02:37:57.000 It's the Jackson Pollock.

02:37:57.000 Yeah.

02:37:58.000 And then he'd be like, that's my Jackson Pollock.

02:37:59.000 That's the line.

02:38:00.000 Flop.

02:38:01.000 They all do it.

02:38:01.000 Flop.

02:38:02.000 And some dudes have a yellow color.

02:38:04.000 Whose color is yellow?

02:38:04.000 Not mine.

02:38:05.000 Really?

02:38:05.000 Not mine.

02:38:05.000 What the fuck?

02:38:06.000 No, he drops like that.

02:38:08.000 He goes, they can put that in the getty.

02:38:09.000 And then he walks out of the...

02:38:12.000 You nailed it.

02:38:13.000 That's the line.

02:38:13.000 They definitely could put it in LACMA. That's right.

02:38:16.000 It's probably already in there.

02:38:17.000 You know, we saw the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibit at the Getty.

02:38:21.000 See Piss Christ?

02:38:24.000 You didn't know that?

02:38:25.000 No, but I like the way you said it.

02:38:27.000 The definitive Mapplethorpe work was Piss Christ.

02:38:31.000 Or guys getting fisted and assholes and cocks.

02:38:35.000 None of that was on the walls.

02:38:36.000 And I was so upset.

02:38:39.000 Yeah, some nice portraits, maybe one dick.

02:38:43.000 I saw the exhibit when I was living in Boston.

02:38:45.000 That's Piss Christ.

02:38:46.000 He had a crucifix dunked in a bucket of piss.

02:38:49.000 Or like a jar.

02:38:52.000 Piss Christ.

02:38:53.000 Or a glass jar of piss.

02:38:54.000 Yeah, and it became a huge thing in the 80s.

02:38:58.000 Really?

02:38:59.000 Yeah, because people felt like it was blasphemous and the religious people were super upset.

02:39:03.000 Because I might be wrong, but I feel like he might have gotten some public funding for his art.

02:39:09.000 For Piss Christ?

02:39:10.000 I feel like he might have gotten grants or something for his art.

02:39:13.000 Guys, we're in the wrong business.

02:39:15.000 It'd be fun to see my parents have an aneurysm.

02:39:17.000 We could show them that, see their heads implode.

02:39:21.000 Well, you've got to understand, this was pre-internet.

02:39:23.000 Yeah.

02:39:23.000 Right.

02:39:24.000 I went to his exhibit in like 80, I want to say 80, 80, 89?

02:39:29.000 Boston?

02:39:30.000 Yeah.

02:39:31.000 I want to say it might have been earlier.

02:39:32.000 It might have been in 87. It might have been before I did stand-up.

02:39:35.000 Wow.

02:39:36.000 Okay, he did.

02:39:37.000 Look at that.

02:39:37.000 Oh my god.

02:39:39.000 From the taxpayer-funded National Endowment for the Arcs, he received $15,000 for the work and $5,000 in 1986 for Piss Christ.

02:39:48.000 This is a different guy, though.

02:39:49.000 Mapplethorpe's the gay dude.

02:39:51.000 Oh, this is Serrano's Piss Christ.

02:39:53.000 Oh, you got Serrano, dude.

02:39:55.000 Yeah, Mapplethorpe's Piss Christ.

02:39:57.000 Guys, there's so many Piss Christ.

02:39:59.000 There's multiple ones?

02:40:00.000 Maybe it's Serrano's Piss Christ?

02:40:01.000 Is it Mapplethorpe's Piss Christ?

02:40:03.000 Is that the same guy?

02:40:05.000 No.

02:40:06.000 Does it involve balls and cocks and...

02:40:08.000 Am I wrong here?

02:40:09.000 Buttholes?

02:40:09.000 Why do I feel like I'm...

02:40:10.000 I feel like that was who made it.

02:40:13.000 It was Mapplethorpe Piss Christ.

02:40:14.000 Right?

02:40:15.000 Piss Christ.

02:40:16.000 Maybe I'm wrong.

02:40:17.000 Maybe I conflagulated.

02:40:19.000 Did I? Oh.

02:40:21.000 Did Mapplethorpe have one too or did I make it up?

02:40:23.000 Did he take a picture of it?

02:40:24.000 He could have.

02:40:25.000 Maybe.

02:40:27.000 Is that it?

02:40:28.000 We'll find out here.

02:40:29.000 He was a furtographer.

02:40:31.000 Yeah.

02:40:31.000 Furtographs.

02:40:32.000 Yeah.

02:40:33.000 Furtographs.

02:40:35.000 A Brief History of Piss Christ.

02:40:37.000 Does Mapplethorpe have to do with it?

02:40:39.000 Anything with it?

02:40:40.000 Maybe.

02:40:41.000 It's in there?

02:40:42.000 There it is.

02:40:43.000 There it is.

02:40:43.000 Okay.

02:40:44.000 Okay.

02:40:45.000 There's Mapplethorpe.

02:40:46.000 Oh, it's just that he was also granted money, it looks like.

02:40:49.000 Oh.

02:40:50.000 Right?

02:40:50.000 A punishment for its role in supporting the work of an artist.

02:40:53.000 The NEA saw its funding for the next year cut by $45,000 because of that.

02:40:57.000 Okay, here it goes.

02:40:59.000 Okay, so he didn't do it.

02:41:13.000 It was somebody else.

02:41:14.000 It was Serrano.

02:41:16.000 So Mapplethorpe was just all the fists and buttholes and stuff.

02:41:20.000 Yeah.

02:41:21.000 But it really was upsetting that they wouldn't show that stuff.

02:41:24.000 Like, that's what the guy's known for.

02:41:26.000 Don't give me this.

02:41:27.000 We're looking at Patti Smith portraits the whole time.

02:41:29.000 But he did that too, right?

02:41:31.000 Yes.

02:41:31.000 Why do we have such a hard time with sex?

02:41:36.000 Oh, boy.

02:41:36.000 Like, that kind of stuff.

02:41:37.000 But not a hard time with violence.

02:41:39.000 Like, we were talking about narcos.

02:41:43.000 Yeah.

02:41:43.000 So violent.

02:41:44.000 So crazy violent.

02:41:45.000 You know?

02:41:47.000 And it's a lot of sex in that show, too.

02:41:49.000 But we're so...

02:41:51.000 It's okay.

02:41:52.000 Like, we don't have nearly as much...

02:41:56.000 I don't want to give away any spoiler alerts, but there's a scene where a kid gets shot.

02:42:00.000 I don't want to say when it happens, but when it happens, it's so graphic.

02:42:05.000 I was thinking, that is so crazy that they can show that kind of violence, like violence an adult against a kid, but you could never show actual sex.

02:42:16.000 No.

02:42:17.000 Do you remember that Vince Gallo movie?

02:42:20.000 Yeah.

02:42:20.000 Yeah, Brown Bunny?

02:42:21.000 Uh-huh.

02:42:22.000 Where Chloe Sevigny blows him?

02:42:24.000 Yeah.

02:42:24.000 How do you say that?

02:42:26.000 Sevigny.

02:42:27.000 I don't fucking know.

02:42:28.000 That's not the movie it's in, though, right?

02:42:29.000 Brown Bunny.

02:42:30.000 It's Brown Bunny?

02:42:30.000 Sure is.

02:42:31.000 She blows him and he comes in her face.

02:42:33.000 Yeah.

02:42:33.000 What a neat role.

02:42:34.000 She said that really, really fucked up her career.

02:42:37.000 It should.

02:42:38.000 Yeah, it's not a smart move.

02:42:40.000 Well, what does he think?

02:42:41.000 I mean, I guess he was making the same argument, right?

02:42:44.000 He was making the argument, like, why is it okay to have violence?

02:42:48.000 Yeah.

02:42:48.000 Why is it okay to have all these aspects of people kissing and grabbing each other's asses, but you can't have actual sex.

02:42:55.000 Right.

02:42:55.000 He also just wanted a blowjob, probably, too.

02:42:57.000 Probably.

02:42:58.000 I don't know if he...

02:42:59.000 Maybe.

02:43:00.000 But why do you have to look at it that way?

02:43:02.000 But then the irony, too, is on mainstream television shows, it's all TNA. You know, like, okay, I watched Glee, I told you, on Netflix.

02:43:10.000 And that's really just eye candy.

02:43:12.000 It's a bunch of high school girl cheerleader outfits, you know?

02:43:15.000 How about Fox News?

02:43:17.000 Right!

02:43:18.000 How about what they're doing with their legs?

02:43:19.000 The pageants.

02:43:20.000 They're all just slicked up and shaved down and scissoring and crossing the legs.

02:43:26.000 It's amazing.

02:43:28.000 Imagine if men could read the news in a tank top.

02:43:30.000 If you could be in a tank top in bikini underwear just reading the news.

02:43:34.000 Just shredded, shaved down, oiled up.

02:43:38.000 Such a great world.

02:43:40.000 Your lips done.

02:43:41.000 Big fucking pirate hoop earrings.

02:43:43.000 Right.

02:43:43.000 Just letting people know.

02:43:45.000 I mean, look, Tom watches these ESPN four-hour after-football shows.

02:43:51.000 What are they called?

02:43:52.000 You know, fucking sports sesh or whatever.

02:43:55.000 And these guys that are working on these shows, they're fucking basset hounds, man.

02:44:00.000 They're mostly older, unattractive.

02:44:02.000 There's no way a woman would be able to get away with looking like shit on TV the way these dudes do.

02:44:08.000 But they're football experts, right?

02:44:10.000 Right, that's true.

02:44:11.000 So, I mean, okay, but there's no attractive ones.

02:44:13.000 But it's not the news.

02:44:14.000 But it's a TV show.

02:44:17.000 On news, though, the standards, it's true that for men...

02:44:21.000 Oh, yeah.

02:44:22.000 Way different.

02:44:22.000 Oh, yeah.

02:44:23.000 There's some real fucking dogs.

02:44:25.000 Yeah.

02:44:25.000 The women can't...

02:44:27.000 They either have to be really old, like Barbara Walters, like a stateswoman.

02:44:31.000 Yeah.

02:44:31.000 Yes.

02:44:31.000 But what's interesting is, like...

02:44:34.000 You have these really ridiculously hot women and they're reading the news, but they don't have to know shit about the news.

02:44:40.000 They just have to read off a teleprompter.

02:44:42.000 The reason why the comparison with the football guys doesn't work is because football is one of those things like, I don't know shit about football, but there's some dudes who know everything about football.

02:44:50.000 And they can recall games from the 1960s and the play that was used to win Super Bowl 44. Those fucking guys...

02:44:59.000 Actually, too, they do what you do, in that they can look at a play that took seven seconds and tell you everything that happened, the same way you can tell, you know, how a guy got beat, like, and you go, well, his arm dropped there, that guy saw an opportunity.

02:45:16.000 You see that fast?

02:45:17.000 These guys go, they watch the play and right away they go, well what happened was that linebacker, he got tricked into thinking, he bit for the fake.

02:45:27.000 So he came up, it opened up this guy to run across the middle.

02:45:30.000 Like they do that in two seconds.

02:45:31.000 But they should be hot, you know what I mean?

02:45:33.000 Right, they should be hot.

02:45:34.000 Why can't they be hot?

02:45:34.000 The thing is, look at 60 Minutes.

02:45:36.000 That fucking, the guy was practically dead.

02:45:39.000 Is he dead now?

02:45:39.000 He is dead, yes.

02:45:40.000 But they let him on TV. Morley Safer.

02:45:42.000 I thought he was Andy Rooney.

02:45:44.000 He's definitely dead.

02:45:45.000 He's dead, too.

02:45:46.000 He couldn't even talk.

02:45:46.000 Back towards the end of his life, and they're letting that guy on TV, and they're complaining that Barbara Walters is too old?

02:45:51.000 What are you talking about?

02:45:52.000 This guy can barely get through a fucking sentence.

02:45:54.000 That's true.

02:45:55.000 Yeah, I mean, he was definitely old and not camera ready, as they would say.

02:46:00.000 Diane Sawyer, she's still hanging in there, right?

02:46:03.000 Diane Sawyer's still strong, but that's like another stateswoman.

02:46:07.000 A woman who's established, respected, very smart.

02:46:11.000 She's not fuckable.

02:46:12.000 As long as she's of the age where she's unviable.

02:46:15.000 She was, though.

02:46:16.000 She was a hot chick.

02:46:17.000 She was beautiful, like, back in the day.

02:46:19.000 But she never did, like, Megyn Kelly stuff.

02:46:21.000 Like, you ever see Megyn Kelly from Fox's sexy photo shoots and stuff?

02:46:25.000 Oh, did she do photo shoots?

02:46:27.000 I don't know why.

02:46:27.000 But I think...

02:46:27.000 Is it Sawyer or one of...

02:46:28.000 Leslie Stahl?

02:46:30.000 Leslie Stahl or Sawyer?

02:46:32.000 Shirt's hanging off the shoulder.

02:46:33.000 I wish you would do a photo spread, Joe.

02:46:35.000 You're good.

02:46:35.000 Thank you.

02:46:36.000 Oh, my God.

02:46:37.000 Look at her ass out.

02:46:39.000 Wow.

02:46:39.000 Why do you do this?

02:46:40.000 Why?

02:46:41.000 Because she's hot as fuck.

02:46:42.000 She's hot as the sun.

02:46:43.000 Go to the full body one up there.

02:46:45.000 Up left.

02:46:46.000 Left, left, left.

02:46:47.000 She's a newscaster?

02:46:48.000 She's hot as the sun.

02:46:50.000 That's why she's doing that.

02:46:51.000 Because every guy's like, I'm a Republican!

02:46:53.000 I give up!

02:46:55.000 I give up!

02:46:56.000 Touch me, please!

02:46:57.000 Not even today.

02:46:58.000 I mean, one day.

02:46:59.000 She had a real fun Trump battle.

02:47:02.000 Yeah, but she gave in.

02:47:03.000 She gave in.

02:47:04.000 Did she give in?

02:47:05.000 Yeah, she had a meeting.

02:47:06.000 Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

02:47:06.000 That's not real.

02:47:07.000 The lingerie one's not real, is it?

02:47:09.000 Don't even click on it.

02:47:10.000 Don't get my hopes up.

02:47:12.000 Yeah, she gave in and sat down with them and was like, they had like a friendly conversation and she was like really...

02:47:21.000 Forgiving?

02:47:22.000 Well, not just forgiving, but, like, she backed off, like, a lot.

02:47:25.000 Like, she backed up, and it was just...

02:47:27.000 I mean, I get it.

02:47:29.000 It's your job, you know, if you want to be the conservative person.

02:47:31.000 I mean, he's a conservative icon, right?

02:47:33.000 I mean, he's in that...

02:47:34.000 Is that her?

02:47:35.000 No, that's not her.

02:47:37.000 Who was that?

02:47:37.000 I can see her nip-nip.

02:47:38.000 I don't know.

02:47:39.000 Who's that?

02:47:40.000 That might be another one of them.

02:47:41.000 There's a bunch of them.

02:47:43.000 That's not her, though.

02:47:44.000 No.

02:47:44.000 I don't think.

02:47:46.000 Unless it was her when she was younger.

02:47:46.000 A nice young lady, that's not her.

02:47:47.000 It might be her.

02:47:48.000 That might be her when she was younger.

02:47:50.000 Yeah.

02:47:51.000 Might be.

02:47:51.000 It's entirely possible.

02:47:53.000 But yeah, guys don't do that.

02:47:55.000 What fucking Fox News anchor is going to have his shirt off, shaved down, and laying back sensual with his mouth open, with a strawberry in his mouth?

02:48:04.000 You know Anderson wants to, though.

02:48:06.000 I wish he would.

02:48:07.000 See, and here's the thing.

02:48:08.000 And you can say that, and that makes sense, but I'm supposed to be down with the women's movement that says that that's an expression.

02:48:15.000 That's her expression of her letter.

02:48:17.000 And it is, yes.

02:48:19.000 But again, if you're a professional newscaster, is that really what you want to be presenting to the world?

02:48:26.000 Well, the thing is, it didn't exist.

02:48:28.000 What, a hot newscaster?

02:48:30.000 Before Fox!

02:48:31.000 Yeah, well they figured out they can get ratings, yeah.

02:48:33.000 They could get men to pay attention!

02:48:36.000 Words, words, words.

02:48:37.000 Here's the thing about men.

02:48:38.000 They crush the ratings, too.

02:48:39.000 Men that are really into politics are almost entirely unfuckable.

02:48:42.000 That's why they get really into politics.

02:48:44.000 Usually they're married, and they're like, I'm giving up, and they round out, and their fucking chin starts dropping, and they remember the good old days, and they watch that Fox News, and they see these...

02:48:55.000 They're so hot.

02:48:56.000 Their wife's yelling at them and shit.

02:48:58.000 And they get boners.

02:49:00.000 Ice queens on Fox News.

02:49:01.000 Those are the women of Fox.

02:49:03.000 Yeah, that's funny.

02:49:03.000 They're all the same.

02:49:04.000 It's so funny.

02:49:05.000 Actually, if you go to that image on the bottom left there, those have all been women that have done news on Fox.

02:49:12.000 It's pretty funny.

02:49:13.000 It's amazing.

02:49:14.000 They're robots.

02:49:14.000 It's a robot.

02:49:15.000 It's a real doll factory.

02:49:17.000 It's really funny.

02:49:18.000 They're all just super hot.

02:49:19.000 Yeah.

02:49:20.000 But I get it.

02:49:21.000 Look, it's a smart move.

02:49:22.000 Makes total sense.

02:49:23.000 They crush the ratings, man.

02:49:26.000 I don't know if they do anymore.

02:49:27.000 Really?

02:49:28.000 As far as the cable news outlets?

02:49:30.000 I don't know.

02:49:31.000 I think they dominate.

02:49:32.000 I feel like Sumner, I just read recently, that they weren't doing so well anymore.

02:49:36.000 Really?

02:49:37.000 Yeah.

02:49:37.000 I don't think cable news is doing so well anymore.

02:49:39.000 Well, maybe in the grand scheme of things, but within the cable news competition, I think they dominate.

02:49:47.000 Let's find out.

02:49:48.000 Jamie, who dominates cable news?

02:49:50.000 Hmm.

02:49:50.000 Cable ratings.

02:49:51.000 Fox beats CNN and MSNBC combined.

02:49:54.000 Wow.

02:49:55.000 Damn, son.

02:49:56.000 The hot chick method, guys.

02:49:57.000 Wow.

02:49:58.000 That's the way to do it.

02:49:59.000 Maybe I should be wearing lingerie during your mom's house.

02:50:01.000 I wonder if that goes up or down, depending on who's president.

02:50:06.000 Like, I wonder if when you have a Republican president, CNN gets a bump.

02:50:10.000 Right.

02:50:11.000 Because people are pissed.

02:50:12.000 Yeah, that is probably how it works.

02:50:15.000 Because people, Fox News thrives on every Obama story for sure, you know?

02:50:19.000 But does CNN go deep too?

02:50:20.000 Do they go with the scantily clad beautiful ladies as well?

02:50:24.000 No, I don't think so.

02:50:25.000 I watch CNN. No, they have pretty ladies.

02:50:28.000 Yeah.

02:50:29.000 They're pretty, but it's not like that.

02:50:31.000 And they have more diversity.

02:50:32.000 They have a couple of basset hounds too, but they have like...

02:50:36.000 I have a couple of cuties.

02:50:37.000 Well, we don't have to go over each one.

02:50:39.000 Yeah.

02:50:40.000 But the thing that's odd about it is that it never existed before.

02:50:44.000 And then once they figured that formula, they're like, oh, we got this.

02:50:47.000 Yeah.

02:50:47.000 This is what we do now.

02:50:49.000 It's like the ladies in football.

02:50:51.000 They're reporting from the ground or whatever they always call it.

02:50:53.000 Exactly.

02:50:54.000 Super hot.

02:50:54.000 They're like, hey guys, I'm playing a football game.

02:50:57.000 And I'm one of the guys.

02:50:58.000 Just kidding.

02:50:58.000 I like that.

02:50:59.000 Like, I'm one of the guys.

02:51:00.000 There's some really good ones, though.

02:51:01.000 There's some really good reporters.

02:51:02.000 Yeah.

02:51:02.000 Female reporters, yeah.

02:51:03.000 Yeah.

02:51:04.000 There is an MMA, too.

02:51:05.000 Yeah.

02:51:06.000 Gender traders, guys.

02:51:07.000 Andrew Kramer's great.

02:51:09.000 Gender traders.

02:51:10.000 Trying to think.

02:51:12.000 There's a few really good ones.

02:51:13.000 The hot thing was when, what's her name, Erin Andrews.

02:51:18.000 Look where it got her.

02:51:19.000 They peeped her.

02:51:20.000 Yeah, they peeped her.

02:51:21.000 Those fucking creeps.

02:51:22.000 They cut a hole in her fucking hotel room.

02:51:24.000 Some dude stalked her and recorded her.

02:51:27.000 It's so fucking gross.

02:51:28.000 Fucked up.

02:51:29.000 Really fucked up.

02:51:29.000 God, it sucks being a woman.

02:51:31.000 She knows her shit, though.

02:51:32.000 She doesn't know.

02:51:33.000 She knows her sport?

02:51:34.000 Yeah, she knows football.

02:51:35.000 It is funny, though, because, not football, but if you think about politics, when I said the most guys that are into politics are unfuckable, what I mean by that, honestly, is what they're usually like guys who are married and have families and have their dads, and they worry about their income,

02:51:51.000 they worry about where their money's going.

02:51:52.000 It's not like a giant subject of the young single man.

02:51:56.000 No.

02:51:57.000 Until Trump came along.

02:51:59.000 Yeah.

02:52:00.000 Trump It was like one of the first ones where I noticed like a lot of like young single guys that were really into it.

02:52:07.000 Yeah.

02:52:08.000 What the fuck is that?

02:52:09.000 What happened there?

02:52:10.000 Maybe they grew up with him.

02:52:12.000 Name recognition.

02:52:13.000 He's on that reality show.

02:52:15.000 No, I'm serious.

02:52:16.000 He's on TV. That guy's a reality star.

02:52:19.000 I think it's just that he was so outside of the political speak.

02:52:25.000 He was like, this is ridiculous!

02:52:27.000 Shit keeps happening, we gotta fucking do something about it.

02:52:30.000 No fat chicks allowed.

02:52:31.000 Do you see him mock her falling down?

02:52:33.000 Yeah, that's great.

02:52:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:52:35.000 So great.

02:52:36.000 Yeah.

02:52:37.000 It is pretty hilarious.

02:52:39.000 It is.

02:52:40.000 Yeah.

02:52:40.000 Yeah, he even insinuated that she probably wasn't faithful either.

02:52:44.000 Yeah.

02:52:44.000 Oh, boy.

02:52:45.000 He's just swinging.

02:52:46.000 He goes for it.

02:52:47.000 That's why he's got the fans.

02:52:48.000 Trump imitates Hillary Clinton for stumbling at 9-1 Memorial, questions her loyalty to Bill.

02:52:53.000 Oh, my God.

02:52:54.000 It's so crazy.

02:52:56.000 It's the apocalypse.

02:52:57.000 But look at the people behind him, clapping.

02:52:59.000 Yeah!

02:52:59.000 Actually, they're holding up cameras.

02:53:02.000 That's a strange thing, man.

02:53:03.000 The device age.

02:53:05.000 Everyone with a device in their hand.

02:53:06.000 If you look back at photos from the 1950s or 60s, watch the Nixon debates with Kennedy, and you look into the audience, people are standing there.

02:53:14.000 You see these people now.

02:53:16.000 Everyone has a device.

02:53:18.000 Everyone's capturing in their own device.

02:53:20.000 I was there.

02:53:20.000 I know.

02:53:21.000 I saw when he said that.

02:53:22.000 He said that outrageous thing.

02:53:24.000 But then you're going to back up that video you took on a hard drive, right, to preserve it for the rest of your life.

02:53:29.000 Like, no, you're just going to delete that video.

02:53:31.000 No, no, no, no.

02:53:32.000 You're going to send it.

02:53:33.000 Send it to everyone.

02:53:34.000 CNN. Yeah.

02:53:34.000 You need to see this.

02:53:36.000 CNN needs to see video from the source.

02:53:39.000 Like, no one knows.

02:53:40.000 You never know.

02:53:41.000 Like, some Black Lives Matter people might rush the stage and try to take him out.

02:53:45.000 Yeah.

02:53:45.000 Right?

02:53:45.000 Remember that happened?

02:53:46.000 There's a bunch of people who are screaming and yelling at one of his rallies.

02:53:49.000 Oh, yeah.

02:53:49.000 People got it on.

02:53:50.000 I think.

02:53:50.000 On video.

02:53:51.000 Yeah.

02:53:52.000 There's been so many altercations.

02:53:54.000 Yeah.

02:53:55.000 Oh, that's why they're doing it, I got it.

02:53:57.000 Yes.

02:53:58.000 To see anarchy.

02:53:58.000 Yeah, not a lot of people look without holding something up anymore.

02:54:02.000 What the fuck do you think happens next?

02:54:04.000 That's what we were getting at earlier.

02:54:05.000 Like, after these two.

02:54:07.000 Yeah.

02:54:08.000 Like, what do you got left?

02:54:09.000 Oof.

02:54:10.000 This is the deep end we're in right now.

02:54:12.000 This is the deepest deep end ever.

02:54:13.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:54:13.000 Right?

02:54:14.000 For sure.

02:54:15.000 The only good out of it, and I'm not being patronizing, but the only good out of it, honestly, is we get to see a woman be president.

02:54:22.000 That's it.

02:54:22.000 Yeah.

02:54:23.000 She's like, if she was a man, she would be thought of as someone deeply entrenched in the system that's been proven to be full of shit, has been proven to be...

02:54:32.000 Corruption.

02:54:34.000 Capitalizing on their position to make ridiculous amounts of money.

02:54:37.000 There's so much going on there.

02:54:38.000 Yeah.

02:54:39.000 Everything that you basically criticize about politicians, she would fit the bill for that.

02:54:45.000 I know, you guys.

02:54:47.000 The next president's going to be non-binary.

02:54:50.000 What do you think?

02:54:51.000 Could be.

02:54:52.000 Well, I mean, we got the black guy.

02:54:53.000 We had Obama.

02:54:54.000 Now it's the woman's turn.

02:54:56.000 Did you see pansexual?

02:54:57.000 Have you seen pansexual yet?

02:54:59.000 No.

02:54:59.000 Some woman came out as pansexual.

02:55:01.000 She was the first politician to come out as pansexual.

02:55:03.000 See?

02:55:04.000 That's my point.

02:55:05.000 Next is the pansexual president.

02:55:07.000 You're right.

02:55:07.000 It could be like a gender thing.

02:55:09.000 It could be a trans president.

02:55:11.000 I forget pansexual.

02:55:12.000 It means all, right?

02:55:13.000 All sex?

02:55:13.000 All?

02:55:14.000 She fucks the whole house.

02:55:15.000 Oh, wow.

02:55:16.000 Mary Gonzalez, Texas state representative, identifies as pansexual in new interview.

02:55:21.000 Can we get a look at her?

02:55:22.000 Look at that.

02:55:23.000 Look at that.

02:55:23.000 She went with the gender binary.

02:55:25.000 Hold on.

02:55:25.000 Look at that right there.

02:55:26.000 Though many might describe Gonzalez's orientation as bisexual, pansexuals don't believe in a gender binary and hence can be attracted to all gender identities.

02:55:35.000 Hmm.

02:55:36.000 There you go, that's the next press.

02:55:38.000 Let's get a look at Mary Gonzalez.

02:55:40.000 Nope, let's not.

02:55:41.000 No?

02:55:41.000 Nope, no pictures.

02:55:42.000 No pictures?

02:55:43.000 No.

02:55:43.000 You don't want to see what she looks like?

02:55:43.000 We shouldn't even say her name.

02:55:44.000 We should just call her.

02:55:46.000 She?

02:55:47.000 Z. We don't know.

02:55:48.000 We don't know what to call they.

02:55:52.000 It just, if you could get someone from the 1960s and show them the world that we live in today.

02:55:57.000 Yeah.

02:55:57.000 And the things that people are upset about and the restroom issues.

02:56:01.000 I feel like I'm that person.

02:56:03.000 Like, I feel like I'm 40 years old and the world is so different than the world I grew up in in the 1980s.

02:56:10.000 I feel like I'm that old person.

02:56:12.000 That's like, I don't get it.

02:56:13.000 I don't get any of this.

02:56:14.000 You know what the difference is?

02:56:15.000 What?

02:56:15.000 In this age, this is the first time where people who are sensitive and open-minded and progressive are going, what the fuck are you talking about?

02:56:25.000 Yeah, it's absurdity now.

02:56:26.000 It's gone so far...

02:56:27.000 That people who are 100% pro gay marriage, 100% pro racial equality, 100% pro gender equality, all across the board, check off the things.

02:56:35.000 As long as you're not hurting anybody, I'm 100% in you doing whatever you want to do.

02:56:38.000 But it's gone so far that there's just so much nonsense.

02:56:44.000 I agree.

02:56:45.000 Meanwhile, there's homelessness, joblessness, like all the real issues, war, asteroids, cancer, all the shit that's been around, the human plagues, and that's not being resolved.

02:56:55.000 North Korea has nukes.

02:56:56.000 Right.

02:56:56.000 Yeah.

02:56:57.000 But guys, we can all use the same bathroom.

02:56:59.000 Yes.

02:57:00.000 We saw that one.

02:57:01.000 It's really important.

02:57:02.000 They're close to nukes, right?

02:57:03.000 Do they have nukes?

02:57:04.000 No, they have nukes.

02:57:05.000 Just detonated one.

02:57:06.000 Oh, right.

02:57:07.000 It registered as like an earthquake or something.

02:57:09.000 Yeah.

02:57:10.000 They fucking detonated a nuke.

02:57:12.000 They can do nukes.

02:57:14.000 Great.

02:57:14.000 Homeboy's got some swag.

02:57:16.000 How long before they kill him?

02:57:17.000 How are they going to kill him?

02:57:18.000 I don't know.

02:57:19.000 Someone's going to kill him, right?

02:57:19.000 That mentality doesn't...

02:57:20.000 Does it exist over there?

02:57:22.000 Rebellion?

02:57:22.000 I don't know.

02:57:23.000 I don't think it does.

02:57:23.000 I don't think somebody else does it.

02:57:24.000 But the question is...

02:57:26.000 They kill you.

02:57:26.000 He'll kill you.

02:57:27.000 If there's even a murmur.

02:57:28.000 Right.

02:57:29.000 Oh, yeah.

02:57:30.000 Kill his uncle.

02:57:30.000 Kill his uncle right away.

02:57:32.000 He killed his uncle and his uncle's sons.

02:57:33.000 Yeah.

02:57:33.000 Right.

02:57:33.000 So he killed his nephews.

02:57:35.000 There's no uprising.

02:57:36.000 His cousins.

02:57:36.000 Cousins.

02:57:36.000 Yeah.

02:57:38.000 Yeah, you don't fuck around, dude.

02:57:40.000 It's...

02:57:42.000 How crazy is that?

02:57:43.000 I mean, that's today.

02:57:44.000 I mean, that he's got a whole country like that gripped.

02:57:46.000 But the thing about a guy like that is if you kill them, what happens next?

02:57:51.000 Like, how do you get those people?

02:57:53.000 Like, they are so programmed.

02:57:55.000 Well, that's the best part.

02:57:56.000 See, we go there and we open up an Olive Garden and we show them Coca-Cola, McDonald's, and we get to rebuild North Korea.

02:58:05.000 What do you think?

02:58:06.000 I think we let the South Koreans figure it out.

02:58:08.000 Yeah.

02:58:09.000 They just take one in to each house.

02:58:11.000 Yeah.

02:58:12.000 Separate them from their family.

02:58:14.000 North Korea is...

02:58:14.000 Take them in like a dog.

02:58:15.000 Fucked, man.

02:58:16.000 They're fucked.

02:58:16.000 Yeah.

02:58:17.000 Take them in like someone's got to train someone.

02:58:19.000 Yeah.

02:58:20.000 Like you're from another country.

02:58:21.000 Oh, to whatever.

02:58:22.000 Deprogram them.

02:58:23.000 Yeah.

02:58:23.000 Like a cult.

02:58:23.000 Train them like a puppy.

02:58:25.000 Oh, yeah.

02:58:26.000 Yeah.

02:58:27.000 Fuck.

02:58:27.000 You realize that you could be 40 in North Korea, come into, you know, sneak into China or something, and you don't know anything in this whole world.

02:58:37.000 You're like a 40-year-old infant, basically.

02:58:39.000 Yeah.

02:58:39.000 You don't know the rest of the world.

02:58:41.000 You don't know anything about nothing.

02:58:42.000 But I'm saying then why don't we colonize them like we did the Middle East, like Iraq.

02:58:46.000 Because they're so volatile.

02:58:47.000 Because they have weapons and they're right next to South Korea.

02:58:50.000 Yeah.

02:58:50.000 Like we really like South Korea.

02:58:52.000 Yeah.

02:58:52.000 They make Samsung.

02:58:54.000 First on CNN, North Korea may be planning October Surprise.

02:58:57.000 What?

02:58:58.000 What is that?

02:58:58.000 Is that today?

02:58:59.000 Oh Jesus.

02:59:01.000 God.

02:59:02.000 What is October Surprise?

02:59:03.000 Like to fuck with our elections?

02:59:05.000 Maybe.

02:59:07.000 Oh, God.

02:59:09.000 I mean, it's so strange.

02:59:12.000 Yeah.

02:59:13.000 And then, you know what also disturbs me?

02:59:16.000 It's like, we're so calm about all the conflict in the rest of the world, because there's not really that much over here.

02:59:22.000 Right.

02:59:23.000 So we kind of minimize it, and we concentrate on some other nonsense, and we, you know, fill our face with sugar.

02:59:29.000 Yeah.

02:59:30.000 The rest of the world is embroiled in all these battles like India and Pakistan are right next to each other and they fucking hate each other and Russia's invading the Ukraine and there's all this crazy shit that's going on with them and then this Putin's almost getting assassinated and...

02:59:46.000 Yeah.

02:59:46.000 And we're like, do I want a latte?

02:59:48.000 China!

02:59:49.000 Brett Angelino broke up.

02:59:51.000 Yeah.

02:59:51.000 But it's good we're isolated geographically too a little bit.

02:59:55.000 Australia.

02:59:56.000 Mexico, Canada.

02:59:57.000 Yeah, that's isolated.

02:59:58.000 Australia's the move.

02:59:59.000 Yeah.

03:00:03.000 You gotta learn how to talk different though.

03:00:05.000 I'm driving the other side of the road.

03:00:06.000 That's really hard.

03:00:07.000 Yeah, they need to fix that.

03:00:09.000 Yeah.

03:00:10.000 In order for us to colonize?

03:00:11.000 Yeah, why are you guys on that side?

03:00:14.000 It is counter...

03:00:15.000 Is there a reason for that?

03:00:17.000 I mean, a logical reason that we don't see as Americans, like the metric system?

03:00:20.000 Well, they got it from England.

03:00:22.000 England had it because England is so fucking old that back in the day they used to ride horses and when you would be like riding, you would want people that were opposing you on your right hand side so you could hack at them with your sword.

03:00:36.000 How the fuck did you know that?

03:00:37.000 That was really impressive.

03:00:39.000 It's not that impressive.

03:00:41.000 It's like you just know that one?

03:00:42.000 Yeah.

03:00:43.000 Because most people were right-handed?

03:00:44.000 Yeah, they're right-handed.

03:00:45.000 So you'd want to be on the left-hand side so you could chop someone's fucking head off with a sword.

03:00:49.000 That's really good.

03:00:50.000 That's good.

03:00:50.000 Yeah, makes sense.

03:00:51.000 Makes sense.

03:00:52.000 Over here, we grew up.

03:00:53.000 We realized, yeah, you could just shoot someone.

03:00:56.000 Yeah.

03:00:56.000 You'd have to chop away with a fucking sword, you dummy.

03:00:59.000 So we're back on the right.

03:00:59.000 Yeah.

03:01:00.000 Yeah.

03:01:01.000 Yeah, they were like pre-arrows.

03:01:02.000 They figured that out.

03:01:03.000 That's pretty nuts.

03:01:04.000 They hadn't even figured out arrows yet.

03:01:05.000 They just had long, sharp things.

03:01:07.000 Yeah.

03:01:08.000 They hadn't figured out that you could throw things through the air yet.

03:01:10.000 That's crazy.

03:01:12.000 Back in the jousting days?

03:01:14.000 How about catapults?

03:01:15.000 Oh, those are neat.

03:01:16.000 Yeah.

03:01:17.000 A giant rock.

03:01:18.000 You just pull it back and just launch it at people.

03:01:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:01:21.000 You know, we watched some documentary on Saudi Arabia, you know, where they still crucify people.

03:01:26.000 Have you seen that one on Netflix?

03:01:27.000 What's it called, James?

03:01:29.000 I don't know.

03:01:30.000 It's called Saudi Arabia.

03:01:32.000 Yeah, I think it is.

03:01:34.000 Yeah, it's fucked up.

03:01:35.000 Is it brutal?

03:01:36.000 But they take cameras in and they show you what's up.

03:01:39.000 And people getting crucified.

03:01:40.000 You saw it?

03:01:41.000 Yeah, we watched it.

03:01:42.000 They show you some stuff.

03:01:44.000 But you saw the people getting crucified?

03:01:45.000 Yeah, they hang them up.

03:01:46.000 Yeah, you see...

03:01:47.000 They censor stuff, but a guy is about to get decapitated and they blur.

03:01:53.000 Oh, Jesus.

03:01:54.000 You know, a guy with a sword just chops his fucking head off.

03:01:57.000 Isn't that...

03:01:57.000 It's weird that we're like...

03:01:59.000 There's certain parts of those images we don't want people to see because we know they're too disturbing.

03:02:03.000 It's...

03:02:03.000 Yeah.

03:02:04.000 Yeah.

03:02:05.000 Do you ever see those ISIS videos that they don't catch on YouTube and they'll be up for like a couple days before someone catches it and they're going down?

03:02:10.000 I haven't looked in a while, man.

03:02:11.000 I don't like seeing it.

03:02:13.000 I don't like seeing the real decapitations and murders.

03:02:17.000 That's fucking disturbing as shit to me.

03:02:18.000 Why?

03:02:20.000 Yeah, I saw it a few years ago.

03:02:21.000 I didn't like it.

03:02:22.000 So horrible.

03:02:22.000 Guy did it with a small knife.

03:02:24.000 Cut this guy's head off with a small knife.

03:02:26.000 I'm like, oh.

03:02:27.000 Whoa.

03:02:27.000 Yeah.

03:02:27.000 But that stays in your head, you know?

03:02:29.000 That's why I don't like it.

03:02:30.000 Yeah.

03:02:31.000 Well, that's why they want to do it in the first place.

03:02:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:02:34.000 Just what a strange thing we are, people.

03:02:37.000 Mm-hmm.

03:02:38.000 Drawing and quartering.

03:02:39.000 Did you ever hear?

03:02:40.000 I mean, you know, it goes into that one.

03:02:41.000 That's kind of creepy, too.

03:02:43.000 We're so fucking mean.

03:02:45.000 It's where they tie your arms and your legs, right?

03:02:48.000 They tie them to a horse.

03:02:50.000 One horse per limb.

03:02:53.000 And don't they cut your intestines?

03:02:56.000 They cut your stomach so your intestines are open.

03:02:58.000 And then they send the horses off in all directions.

03:03:01.000 There it is.

03:03:02.000 And then you get ripped limb by limb, and your intestines get cut out.

03:03:07.000 Wow.

03:03:07.000 Isn't that amazing?

03:03:09.000 Yeah, and there's a guy in the middle with an axe or a big sword just cutting you open while the horses pull you.

03:03:14.000 Holy fuck.

03:03:15.000 And this is how they would publicly kill people.

03:03:19.000 This is a criminal, so they're showing the masses, this is going to happen to you if you steal.

03:03:24.000 Yeah.

03:03:24.000 There was this thing I was listening to the other day about the Inquisition.

03:03:28.000 It was fascinating, man.

03:03:30.000 And it was talking about how everything had gotten so crazy that they would, through any means, they would try to elicit a confession out of you.

03:03:40.000 That you had done something that was blasphemous or done something against the Lord.

03:03:45.000 And they could torture you in order to do that.

03:03:48.000 They could torture you in order to get that confession out of you.

03:03:50.000 And they just started torturing people.

03:03:52.000 Everybody was guilty, and they were just killing people like crazy.

03:03:56.000 And just listening to the accounts of how it all went wrong and how they started doing this was like, wow.

03:04:02.000 Like you could see, we want to think that in today's day and age, That this could never happen.

03:04:08.000 We're past that.

03:04:09.000 We have too much information.

03:04:12.000 We're too evolved.

03:04:13.000 Our culture and our civilizations move far too fast.

03:04:16.000 But there's spots on Earth where it hasn't.

03:04:18.000 Like North Korea.

03:04:20.000 There's spots on Earth where it hasn't moved past that.

03:04:23.000 Like Saudi Arabia, what you're talking about.

03:04:25.000 Well, we still punish people.

03:04:27.000 We still kill people.

03:04:28.000 We just do it behind closed doors in the United States.

03:04:31.000 More dignified.

03:04:32.000 We're still murdering.

03:04:33.000 And if you've robbed somebody, we make you a slave.

03:04:36.000 Right.

03:04:37.000 You're a slave now.

03:04:37.000 Right, it's just dignified because it's in a building that's clean, and we don't see it.

03:04:42.000 You don't have to see it, so it doesn't exist.

03:04:44.000 Right.

03:04:45.000 It's still horrific, though.

03:04:48.000 We're as savages.

03:04:49.000 We like to think, because we can send a video through the sky, and it arrives on your phone from 50 miles away, we like to think that we're way more advanced than we really are.

03:05:00.000 Yeah.

03:05:01.000 We're so close to monkeys.

03:05:03.000 We're so goddamn close.

03:05:04.000 Oh, yeah.

03:05:05.000 I know.

03:05:05.000 And you know, we're on the verge of death all the time.

03:05:07.000 I had this girl write to me.

03:05:09.000 She works all these jobs around the country, around the world to make money, job to job.

03:05:14.000 And she goes, I worked in, what is it, Yellowstone National Park.

03:05:18.000 She goes, yeah, yesterday somebody fell into a geyser and just disintegrated.

03:05:22.000 Another person just fell off a cliff.

03:05:25.000 They died.

03:05:25.000 She goes, life is so fragile.

03:05:27.000 Yeah.

03:05:28.000 That guy got drunk, though, and went a hundred yards off the trail and slipped into one of those puddles.

03:05:33.000 And they were like, dude, there ain't nothing left.

03:05:36.000 Like, that's lava and boiling water.

03:05:38.000 It happens.

03:05:40.000 Think about how close that dude was to dying today, the guy with the bear.

03:05:43.000 Oh, yeah.

03:05:44.000 Yeah, and people are like, we have to save the bears.

03:05:47.000 It's really important.

03:05:47.000 We keep them around to kill more people.

03:05:50.000 Maybe he shouldn't have been around a bear and his babies.

03:05:53.000 Mama bear protects her babies.

03:05:56.000 Is there a bear problem?

03:05:58.000 Do we have a big bear problem?

03:05:59.000 There's an issue with grizzly bears in the greater Yellowstone ecosystem that a lot of people think that there are too many bears and they want them declassified.

03:06:08.000 The environmentalists disagree and they say that the bears were brought to the brink of extinction and only through diligent work have they been brought back to the position where they're at now where they're thriving.

03:06:18.000 The problem is it's super hard to accurately estimate how many bears there are.

03:06:23.000 But you see a lot of them.

03:06:25.000 And the people that are out there all the time, the hikers, the sportsmen, meaning the hunters and the fishermen, they see a lot of them.

03:06:31.000 And they're seeing more of them than ever before.

03:06:33.000 And they're seeing actually less black bears and more grizzly bears.

03:06:37.000 Which is, it used to be the opposite.

03:06:39.000 It's a crazy animal, man.

03:06:42.000 Yeah.

03:06:43.000 And brown bears are like the real motherfuckers, right?

03:06:46.000 Aren't they even bigger?

03:06:47.000 They're super aggressive.

03:06:48.000 Yeah.

03:06:48.000 They're super, super, super aggressive.

03:06:51.000 Sometimes.

03:06:51.000 Sometimes they don't give a fuck.

03:06:53.000 Like, there's this area, it's a really fascinating spot, where there's this river that runs through Alaska, and it's an incredibly common place to see grizzly bears.

03:07:04.000 To the point where there's a video of it, where there's like...

03:07:07.000 Jamie, how many bears were in it?

03:07:08.000 Like 15 bears?

03:07:09.000 There's like 15 grizzly bears in this one area because there's so many salmon.

03:07:14.000 So much salmon.

03:07:15.000 And these people are standing around filming these grizzly bears because there's so much food for the bears, the bears never kill people.

03:07:22.000 And it's like one of the safest places to observe bears.

03:07:25.000 In Alaska.

03:07:26.000 Yeah, they've never had a fatal incident there.

03:07:28.000 Bears wander up to people.

03:07:30.000 There's one video of this bear.

03:07:32.000 This guy's sitting there in a lawn chair looking over at all these...

03:07:34.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

03:07:36.000 The guy's looking over at all these bears eating fish, and he's sitting in a lawn chair, and this fucking bear walks up to him.

03:07:42.000 It is a tanker.

03:07:44.000 I mean, it's gigantic, and it just wanders up, and it's so full, and it's just been eating salmon that it's not a threat at all.

03:07:50.000 It doesn't want to hurt anything.

03:07:52.000 It just lays down.

03:07:53.000 They're not like...

03:07:54.000 Some animals will fuck you up just for fun.

03:07:57.000 Some wolves will fuck up elk and things like that just for fun.

03:08:01.000 They call it surplus killing or thrill killing.

03:08:03.000 Look at this video.

03:08:04.000 Go full screen on this.

03:08:05.000 This guy's sitting here.

03:08:06.000 Look at this thing.

03:08:07.000 This thing just walks up to him.

03:08:11.000 I mean, that's his lawn chair, dude.

03:08:13.000 I mean, to show you how close the guy is, you'll see it, because the bear moves towards him, then he has to start talking to it.

03:08:19.000 But this thing is huge.

03:08:22.000 Yeah.

03:08:23.000 I mean, it's a thousand pounds.

03:08:25.000 It's enormous.

03:08:26.000 The size of its fucking head.

03:08:27.000 But watch when it gets close to him.

03:08:29.000 That's when you realize how big it actually is.

03:08:31.000 And the guy has to actually talk to this thing.

03:08:33.000 To let him know.

03:08:34.000 Yeah.

03:08:34.000 Watch this.

03:08:35.000 Here it comes right here.

03:08:36.000 And this is a river, and that river right there is just overwhelmed.

03:08:40.000 At the end of the video, you get to see...

03:08:41.000 What's the name of this video, Jeremy?

03:08:43.000 Bear sits next to Guy.

03:08:45.000 Bear sits next to Guy.

03:08:47.000 But...

03:08:47.000 You can look up Brooks Falls in Alaska and see it.

03:08:49.000 Look at this!

03:08:50.000 See pictures and stuff.

03:08:51.000 It just sits down!

03:08:54.000 And it gets up.

03:08:55.000 Oh my god, dude.

03:08:56.000 If you go a little further on, it gets up and the guy has to tell it, yeah, there he goes.

03:09:00.000 The guy has to tell it to fuck off because it gets too close to him.

03:09:02.000 Yeah.

03:09:03.000 So it looks at him and they start, look at this.

03:09:05.000 That's a big motherfucker.

03:09:06.000 Wow.

03:09:11.000 He says, hey, hey, and it wanders off.

03:09:12.000 But now, watch when he turns towards the river.

03:09:15.000 Now look at this.

03:09:15.000 Look at all the bears.

03:09:18.000 Look at all the fucking bears.

03:09:19.000 I wish you would have kept the camera on that.

03:09:21.000 Yeah.

03:09:21.000 Wow.

03:09:22.000 Try to pause it.

03:09:24.000 Oh my god.

03:09:25.000 Pause it when it goes a little bit further.

03:09:27.000 Boom.

03:09:27.000 That guy is crazy.

03:09:28.000 Well, he's a photographer.

03:09:29.000 You see his gear there.

03:09:30.000 So this is the spot where everybody goes to take pictures of these bears because there's so much salmon, that's all they eat.

03:09:37.000 Oh my gosh.

03:09:38.000 I guess when bears get into one kind of food, like they say the bears are also, they're safe to be around when there's a lot of berries.

03:09:45.000 Because they just say, oh, I'm just eating berries.

03:09:46.000 Right, they're not into you.

03:09:48.000 Well, they're real omnivores.

03:09:49.000 Like, they're not necessarily carnivores.

03:09:51.000 They'll just snack on yummy food.

03:09:54.000 And if you're the yummy food, then that's your ass.

03:09:58.000 So they eat plants as omnivore.

03:10:01.000 That must be a ton of plants to sustain a thousand pound body.

03:10:05.000 They eat everything.

03:10:06.000 Holy moly.

03:10:07.000 I mean, they're a cleanup crew.

03:10:08.000 They're the cleanup crew for the woods.

03:10:09.000 Is that right?

03:10:10.000 Yeah, if anything dies, they'll fight off wolves.

03:10:13.000 Wolves will kill an elk or something like that.

03:10:15.000 And the bear will be like, yeah, thanks, dude.

03:10:17.000 I'll just take that shit.

03:10:18.000 They just wander up to the carcass and just start eating.

03:10:20.000 Yeah.

03:10:21.000 Tough shit, wolf.

03:10:22.000 They can't do a goddamn thing.

03:10:23.000 Of course not.

03:10:24.000 Because it's like a ten times the size wolf.

03:10:26.000 I mean, that's really what a bear is like.

03:10:29.000 Nothing can take down a bear, right?

03:10:30.000 In nature?

03:10:31.000 No, humans.

03:10:32.000 It's the king.

03:10:33.000 Only humans.

03:10:34.000 I mean, when humans weren't...

03:10:35.000 They actually think there was a thing called the short-faced bear that dominated the Bering Strait so powerfully.

03:10:42.000 It was such a dangerous animal.

03:10:44.000 They think it might have prevented people from immigrating to North America by thousands of years because this thing was so dominant.

03:10:53.000 Hmm.

03:10:53.000 That it is a huge, aggressive, grizzly bear-type creature that lived during the Ice Age.

03:10:58.000 And it was so dangerous that it kept people from...

03:11:01.000 This is speculation, but look at the size of the goddamn thing.

03:11:04.000 That's the short-faced bear.

03:11:06.000 Like, even bigger than a goddamn grizzly.

03:11:08.000 That's so crazy.

03:11:09.000 Yeah.

03:11:10.000 That's so crazy.

03:11:11.000 Like, look at that picture of that fake one right there.

03:11:13.000 Like, that's what it would have looked like.

03:11:14.000 Oh, my God.

03:11:15.000 It's a death machine.

03:11:17.000 This is a short-faced bear, Tom.

03:11:18.000 This is a bear that went extinct that was way bigger than a grizzly.

03:11:22.000 I mean, it was so big.

03:11:23.000 It was like the Hulk if the Hulk was a bear.

03:11:26.000 So crazy, dude.

03:11:28.000 That used to be a real thing in North America.

03:11:31.000 And they think, Tom, I was saying, that they think that that thing...

03:11:34.000 Look at it.

03:11:35.000 It was bigger than a buffalo.

03:11:36.000 Those things would take out buffaloes.

03:11:38.000 They think that they were fearsome predators and they may have prevented people from emigrating to North America earlier.

03:11:44.000 What is that thing?

03:11:47.000 What is that?

03:11:49.000 Diadone?

03:11:50.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

03:11:52.000 Look at that.

03:11:52.000 Oh, my God.

03:11:53.000 That's a real thing?

03:11:55.000 What the hell was that?

03:11:57.000 Man.

03:11:58.000 Diadone.

03:11:59.000 Terrible.

03:12:01.000 Mmm.

03:12:01.000 Little teeth on that thing.

03:12:04.000 Mmm.

03:12:04.000 Good lord.

03:12:05.000 But it's just...

03:12:06.000 I mean, it's kind of...

03:12:08.000 I'm so torn on these kind of things because I think it's cool that grizzly bears are alive.

03:12:12.000 Yeah.

03:12:12.000 It's cool that you can go see them.

03:12:13.000 Yeah.

03:12:14.000 But not if you're that dude that got fucked up today.

03:12:16.000 Short face.

03:12:17.000 Oh my god.

03:12:18.000 You hunted a bear?

03:12:19.000 Yeah, black bears.

03:12:20.000 Black bears?

03:12:21.000 Yeah.

03:12:21.000 Is that like Wyoming, Montana?

03:12:23.000 They don't really eat brown bears.

03:12:25.000 Or you can, but most people don't because they eat a lot of carcasses.

03:12:29.000 So apparently they taste bad.

03:12:31.000 But black bears don't.

03:12:33.000 Black bears taste good.

03:12:34.000 They eat more plants.

03:12:37.000 They still eat carcasses.

03:12:39.000 They still kill things.

03:12:40.000 They do a lot of cannibalism.

03:12:42.000 That's the big issue with black bears.

03:12:45.000 A lot of cannibalism.

03:12:46.000 God, they're such animals.

03:12:47.000 They are.

03:12:48.000 No, I mean, you know, I don't mean that as like a corny joke, but yeah.

03:12:52.000 It's males killing babies.

03:12:54.000 Lions do that.

03:12:56.000 Yeah, but lions don't eat them.

03:12:58.000 They just kill them.

03:12:59.000 They kill them to keep them from growing up and becoming the male competitors.

03:13:03.000 But they don't think bears do that.

03:13:05.000 They think bears are doing it actually because they're hungry.

03:13:08.000 And also because they think it might be able to bring the women back into estrus.

03:13:13.000 That's speculation.

03:13:14.000 But yeah, there's polar bears.

03:13:16.000 They're 100% cannibals.

03:13:20.000 Especially the males.

03:13:21.000 Yeah, I watched them.

03:13:23.000 Well, their ecosystem is basically shrinking, right?

03:13:26.000 Yeah, supposedly.

03:13:27.000 But you know what they say?

03:13:28.000 I mean, it's hard to tell who's right, because the wildlife biologists and the people who measure bear numbers versus the people who are animal conservationists and animal rights activists, they disagree on how many polar bears there are and whether or not they're healthy populations.

03:13:45.000 Because I've read that there's more polar bears today than ever.

03:13:49.000 Really?

03:13:50.000 Yeah.

03:13:51.000 That doesn't make sense, right?

03:13:52.000 Doesn't.

03:13:52.000 That doesn't sound right.

03:13:53.000 No.

03:13:54.000 See if that's true, Jamie.

03:13:57.000 Poor Jamie.

03:13:58.000 This is the Jamie Google show.

03:14:00.000 Yeah.

03:14:01.000 Is that time right?

03:14:03.000 Yeah, you guys gonna get out of there?

03:14:04.000 Yeah, we're gonna lose our nanny.

03:14:05.000 Oh, snap.

03:14:06.000 When is it?

03:14:07.000 It's 530. We've been going on forever.

03:14:09.000 Oh my gosh.

03:14:10.000 That flew by.

03:14:11.000 Dude.

03:14:12.000 We covered a lot of shit.

03:14:13.000 We jammed.

03:14:14.000 We covered everything.

03:14:15.000 I learned some things.

03:14:17.000 I learned about the guy who is the financial guy who doesn't give a fuck.

03:14:20.000 Dan Pena.

03:14:21.000 What else did we learn?

03:14:22.000 We learned about our proper pronouns and how to use them.

03:14:25.000 We did.

03:14:26.000 We learned about that guy who has all the secrets, who fucks kids.

03:14:29.000 Right.

03:14:30.000 We did 15 months because he's the Speaker of the House.

03:14:32.000 Old Speaker Dennis Heston.

03:14:34.000 What else?

03:14:35.000 We learned about...

03:14:37.000 Well, bear talk.

03:14:39.000 I feel like we have to have a format to this show.

03:14:41.000 DJ Dadmouth.

03:14:42.000 Oh, me jerking off to the black guys fucking my wife.

03:14:44.000 Right.

03:14:46.000 That was important.

03:14:47.000 That was important.

03:14:50.000 Where are you guys at?

03:14:52.000 What's the next comedy dates you guys got going on?

03:14:55.000 Tom, I know you're killing it.

03:14:56.000 I know you sold out the Trocadero.

03:14:57.000 Three shows in a fucking row.

03:14:59.000 Yeah, we added a fourth.

03:15:00.000 In Philly?

03:15:00.000 Yeah, we added a fourth.

03:15:01.000 That's amazing, dude.

03:15:03.000 That's amazing.

03:15:04.000 Congratulations.

03:15:05.000 Thanks, man.

03:15:05.000 That's so awesome.

03:15:06.000 I'm excited.

03:15:08.000 I just added, I'm doing Ontario Thursday, and we sold it out, so we added another one there.

03:15:15.000 Damn!

03:15:15.000 And then I'm doing Cobbs coming up, and I'm doing Caroline's.

03:15:19.000 Dude, you're doing so many big theaters.

03:15:22.000 I start my theater tour in January, but it hasn't gone on sale yet.

03:15:26.000 It's amazing, man.

03:15:27.000 Really excited about it.

03:15:28.000 It's so cool.

03:15:29.000 When I met you, you'd only been doing comedy a few years, right?

03:15:33.000 I met you in 07, so I was five years in, yeah.

03:15:36.000 Was it 07 or was it 06?

03:15:37.000 I think it was 07. I'm pretty sure.

03:15:40.000 It was during the Max and Bud Light Real Men of Comedy.

03:15:43.000 Yeah!

03:15:44.000 In Phoenix.

03:15:45.000 Oh my god, I remember that.

03:15:45.000 We met at the Hollywood Theater.

03:15:46.000 Celebrity Theater.

03:15:47.000 Yeah, Theater in the Round.

03:15:48.000 Yeah.

03:15:49.000 Fuck, that was awesome.

03:15:50.000 Yeah, it was.

03:15:52.000 Yeah.

03:15:52.000 It's just so cool now to see.

03:15:54.000 You're fucking killing it, man.

03:15:56.000 It's awesome.

03:15:56.000 Thanks, man.

03:15:57.000 Those Netflix specials, man.

03:15:59.000 Woo!

03:16:00.000 Yeah.

03:16:00.000 They really give you a bump.

03:16:02.000 But it's just...

03:16:03.000 Well, also, you're really funny.

03:16:04.000 Yeah.

03:16:05.000 Christina, we need to get one for you.

03:16:07.000 Trust me, it's in the making.

03:16:09.000 It's happening.

03:16:10.000 We'll see.

03:16:11.000 We'll see.

03:16:13.000 She's doing the model I did basically like a year or two ago where she's going out and doing one-nighters, which I think is...

03:16:21.000 Yes.

03:16:21.000 So she did Helium Portland one night last week, sold out.

03:16:24.000 Yeah.

03:16:25.000 And then Seattle one night.

03:16:27.000 Well, your podcast is so fucking funny.

03:16:29.000 You guys have one of the best podcasts ever.

03:16:31.000 Thanks, buddy.

03:16:32.000 It's so fun to do, too.

03:16:34.000 I mean, I've only did it once, but it was just such a giggle fest.

03:16:36.000 Well, you have to come when we have our new studio.

03:16:39.000 Yeah, I'll be happy to.

03:16:39.000 Oh, my God.

03:16:41.000 I get asked about a lot, interviews and everything.

03:16:42.000 I always give credit to you because I remember you being like, why aren't you doing one?

03:16:46.000 And I was like, I don't know.

03:16:48.000 And then you saw her and you go, your wife is legitimately funny.

03:16:52.000 Don't you think you guys could just sit there and do one?

03:16:54.000 I'm like, I don't know.

03:16:56.000 And I told her, and she was like, I don't know.

03:16:58.000 And then now that's all we do.

03:17:00.000 It's just the two of us, you know, we play some clips, we talk about what's going on, and it's grown so much in the few, you know, we've been doing it now since the end of 2010 is when we started.

03:17:11.000 It's crazy.

03:17:12.000 Wow.

03:17:12.000 It's been six years, man.

03:17:14.000 Like six years of that show.

03:17:16.000 Yeah, I'm at almost seven.

03:17:18.000 I'll be 7 in December.

03:17:19.000 Really?

03:17:20.000 I remember watching or reading something and I realized, I did one of your first 10. Yeah.

03:17:26.000 Oh my god.

03:17:27.000 And we sat on a couch.

03:17:28.000 Yeah, in my office.

03:17:29.000 Ari Shaffir sold that couch.

03:17:31.000 Really?

03:17:31.000 Yeah, I gave it to Ari.

03:17:33.000 We sat on the couch.

03:17:34.000 Maybe he gave it to somebody.

03:17:36.000 I think it was like an eBay thing and donation money, maybe?

03:17:39.000 Yeah, maybe.

03:17:40.000 I just keep remembering you telling me to sit up on the mic, because I was sitting back.

03:17:44.000 Oh, yeah.

03:17:44.000 Well, there were couches, and our mic stand sucked, so you had to uncomfortably lean forward on a couch.

03:17:50.000 You're like, Tommy, talk in the mic.

03:17:51.000 I was like, Yeah.

03:17:53.000 Well, I don't think we had headphones back then.

03:17:55.000 No.

03:17:55.000 Or if we did, we didn't.

03:17:55.000 Maybe we did.

03:17:56.000 I thought you were bananas, too, doing this thing.

03:17:58.000 Yeah, I remember, like, what's a podcast?

03:18:00.000 What are you talking about?

03:18:02.000 How ridiculous.

03:18:02.000 There you go.

03:18:03.000 No headphones.

03:18:03.000 There you go.

03:18:04.000 Oh, look at Buncee.

03:18:05.000 Yeah.

03:18:06.000 Yeah.

03:18:06.000 God, you guys.

03:18:07.000 I don't know what the fuck possessed me to keep doing this.

03:18:11.000 Welcome to, uh...

03:18:13.000 Wow.

03:18:14.000 I don't know.

03:18:14.000 Fucking week 20 of the, uh, Ustream podcast.

03:18:18.000 This is amazing.

03:18:19.000 Is this a later one?

03:18:20.000 Yeah.

03:18:20.000 Week 20. Oh my gosh.

03:18:23.000 Hilarious, man.

03:18:24.000 If it weren't for you.

03:18:25.000 I never asked you that.

03:18:27.000 Did you do one or see one where you're like, I gotta do that?

03:18:31.000 It was a bunch of shit.

03:18:32.000 One of them was doing the Opie and Anthony show.

03:18:34.000 Because the Opie and Anthony show was just like a hangout.

03:18:36.000 Right.

03:18:36.000 It didn't have a formula to it.

03:18:39.000 Yeah.

03:18:40.000 It didn't have a format, necessarily.

03:18:41.000 You would come in, and a bunch of comics would come in, and they all just start talking.

03:18:44.000 And it would be hilarious.

03:18:45.000 It would be a bunch of people that knew everybody, and we'd all sit around and just joke around.

03:18:49.000 It was really fun.

03:18:50.000 It was a fun hang.

03:18:51.000 Yeah.

03:18:51.000 Then Anthony Cumia started doing this thing called Live from the Compound, where he put up a green screen in his basement, and he had a whole professional desk and professional cameras, and he's just a maniac.

03:19:01.000 And he would do karaoke, holding a machine gun, and he would have a background.

03:19:04.000 The background would be like Manhattan.

03:19:06.000 He would change the background.

03:19:07.000 And I was like, that would be an amazing thing to have.

03:19:09.000 And so when he was doing Live from the Compound, he was doing it on one of those streaming services.

03:19:14.000 So then we started doing the thing, me and Red Band, on Ustream.

03:19:18.000 Just, I started one day, well we started doing it on, we do it in green rooms first.

03:19:24.000 It was even pre-YouTube, or pre-Ustream.

03:19:27.000 Like we did it in Cobbs.

03:19:29.000 Remember we did it in Cobbs and Joey yelled at us and told us to shut it off?

03:19:33.000 Shut that fucking thing off!

03:19:34.000 You got your blackberries and your blueberries.

03:19:37.000 He didn't even have a phone back then.

03:19:39.000 Yeah, he told us to shut it off, and that's how it started.

03:19:42.000 We just started doing it that way, and then it was fun, so we started doing it every week, and then somewhere along the line, I just realized it was this way that I could have these crazy conversations with all these interesting people, and I could get them.

03:19:54.000 Once they realized there was a certain number of people that were listening, I could get people to come in and sit down and talk to me.

03:19:59.000 Do you remember...

03:20:01.000 Like early, early, first five, what kind of...

03:20:04.000 How many people were listening to something like your show?

03:20:06.000 I never looked.

03:20:07.000 You never looked?

03:20:08.000 No.

03:20:08.000 You just put it up and go.

03:20:09.000 Yeah, I never paid attention.

03:20:10.000 I just, you know, there was like every now and then, you'd look over the live thing, it was like 1,200 people would be watching live.

03:20:16.000 It was a good show.

03:20:17.000 Yeah.

03:20:18.000 Yeah.

03:20:18.000 Sometimes it was like 500 or 600. Yeah.

03:20:21.000 But, um...

03:20:22.000 Yeah, but once I had Anthony Bourdain on, and I had a bunch of people like that, I was like, I can talk to some fucking cool people through this thing.

03:20:33.000 And then it's just like, man, I want to know more about Egypt.

03:20:36.000 Let me get John Anthony West on.

03:20:37.000 Hey, I want to know more about asteroids.

03:20:39.000 Let me get Randall Carlson on.

03:20:40.000 It's really become just all your interests.

03:20:41.000 Yeah.

03:20:42.000 And then Graham Hancock.

03:20:43.000 Graham Hancock was a big one.

03:20:44.000 That was the early days when I was doing it in my house.

03:20:47.000 And he came over to my house, and we talked until like fucking 3 o'clock in the morning.

03:20:51.000 It's a long-ass podcast.

03:20:53.000 What's your biggest get, personally, for the show?

03:20:57.000 I don't know, man.

03:20:58.000 It's a good question.

03:20:59.000 I don't know.

03:21:00.000 There's no biggest anymore.

03:21:01.000 Russell Brand was pretty big.

03:21:03.000 That was pretty interesting.

03:21:04.000 He's a fun guy, man.

03:21:06.000 But so is Artie Lang.

03:21:07.000 So is you.

03:21:08.000 I love having you on.

03:21:09.000 Now it becomes just fun.

03:21:12.000 Now it becomes like Joey or Bill Burr or Duncan.

03:21:16.000 Guy's stomach was cut open in front of the tenderloins.

03:21:19.000 There's so much blood.

03:21:20.000 What?

03:21:21.000 I gotta make it right.

03:21:23.000 It just becomes fun, right?

03:21:24.000 I mean, don't you guys feel like that?

03:21:25.000 Yeah.

03:21:26.000 It's my favorite thing that we do.

03:21:28.000 It's the best.

03:21:29.000 Do you like it more than stand-up itself?

03:21:30.000 No.

03:21:31.000 Excuse me.

03:21:32.000 Stand-up's always number one.

03:21:33.000 But the podcast, especially since we've become parents, it's the one thing that...

03:21:37.000 It's the old world.

03:21:38.000 It's who we were before.

03:21:40.000 It's still juvenile, and it's the sealed...

03:21:43.000 Hour and a half of just nonsense.

03:21:46.000 And then we can go back to being responsible adults.

03:21:48.000 It is.

03:21:48.000 That's true.

03:21:49.000 That's a good way of putting it.

03:21:50.000 Because it's very juvenile and silly, but that's why we have a good time just being silly on it, you know?

03:21:56.000 Yeah, that's the big takeaway from your podcast, is how silly it is.

03:22:00.000 You guys are just always laughing.

03:22:02.000 It's the least serious thing ever.

03:22:06.000 There are no serious conversations.

03:22:08.000 I love Black or Tom, too.

03:22:10.000 Oh, that's a good one.

03:22:12.000 I need to do that again.

03:22:13.000 The thing about the move is that the studio is much bigger, like actual space, so we'll have, I think, some guests again, because we haven't had guests in a long time now.

03:22:22.000 Well, you could also add a bunch of elements to it, too, once you realize you have all this room to do stuff, and you have an actual professional studio.

03:22:30.000 Yeah, I know.

03:22:31.000 It's exciting.

03:22:32.000 It's going to be awesome.

03:22:33.000 Can't wait.

03:22:34.000 Well, when you guys do it out here, I'd be happy to do it.

03:22:36.000 Oh, yeah.

03:22:36.000 We want some fun.

03:22:37.000 We want some fun.

03:22:38.000 So, for now, people can see your podcast.

03:22:41.000 It's your mom's house.

03:22:42.000 It's on iTunes.

03:22:43.000 You guys on Stitcher?

03:22:44.000 On Stitcher.

03:22:45.000 It's on Stitcher.

03:22:46.000 On YouTube.

03:22:47.000 Christina P on Twitter.

03:22:49.000 Yes.

03:22:50.000 She still hasn't changed her name to Segura.

03:22:53.000 A pure disrespectful act.

03:22:54.000 How dare you.

03:22:55.000 Hey, can I plug some dates?

03:22:57.000 Fuck yeah.

03:22:58.000 Yeah, so tomorrow night I'm in Dallas at Hyenas and then October 5th, Houston at the Secret Group.

03:23:05.000 Warehouse, right?

03:23:06.000 Warehouse.

03:23:06.000 I changed the warehouse live, I think.

03:23:08.000 What's that?

03:23:10.000 What's the secret group?

03:23:11.000 That's a group of promoters.

03:23:13.000 They actually have a venue, I think, called that in Houston.

03:23:15.000 Yeah.

03:23:16.000 But the secret group also promotes, produces shows.

03:23:20.000 So like, oh, the secret group could bring you.

03:23:22.000 So secret group is going to have her at Warehouse Live.

03:23:25.000 Warehouse Live.

03:23:26.000 That's the venue.

03:23:27.000 Oh, okay.

03:23:27.000 So it's not like...

03:23:28.000 I was wondering if it was like they just put on a show somewhere.

03:23:31.000 It's a secret.

03:23:32.000 Oh, no, no.

03:23:33.000 It's just a secret.

03:23:35.000 Like someone really funny is coming to town, but you've got to find out.

03:23:38.000 That would be super annoying.

03:23:40.000 Okay, October 23rd, Indy, and then the 24th, Cincinnati.

03:23:44.000 Tickets are at Thousand Ranch.

03:23:45.000 Thank you.

03:23:46.000 And how do people find it?

03:23:47.000 What's the website?

03:23:49.000 Thousandranch.com.

03:23:49.000 That's your website?

03:23:50.000 Oh, how the fuck is anybody going to know what that means?

03:23:52.000 Tickets are at Thousand Ranch.

03:23:53.000 Well, it's my favorite salad dressings together.

03:23:57.000 That's why.

03:23:59.000 Don't tell Joey.

03:24:00.000 Don't tell Joey you're like ranch.

03:24:02.000 What?

03:24:02.000 Ranch smells like fucking feet.

03:24:03.000 It's blue cheese or go fuck your mother.

03:24:05.000 Blue cheese with wings or go fuck your mother.

03:24:07.000 Blue cheese is nasty.

03:24:08.000 Tom Segura website.

03:24:10.000 TomSegura.com.

03:24:11.000 SeguraTom on Instagram.

03:24:13.000 SeguraTom on Instagram.

03:24:14.000 But TomSegura on Twitter, right?

03:24:15.000 That's right.

03:24:15.000 You gotta get SeguraTom.

03:24:17.000 Look what I'm going to put on right now for my trip tomorrow.

03:24:20.000 Tom Sigur on Instagram is a British kid.

03:24:22.000 Nice kid.

03:24:23.000 He's like 18. Love his girlfriend.

03:24:25.000 Give him the money.

03:24:26.000 I can't wait to travel with this thing tomorrow.

03:24:29.000 Powerfulhigherprimate.com fanny pack.

03:24:31.000 They're the best, right?

03:24:32.000 I love it.

03:24:32.000 Shout out to Dice Clay for turning them on to the Roots fanny packs.

03:24:35.000 All right, folks.

03:24:37.000 Thanks.

03:24:38.000 Appreciate it.

03:24:39.000 Love you.

03:24:39.000 See you.

03:24:39.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 03, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #855 - Tom Segura & Christina Pazsitzky

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript