Tom and Bert are back at it again, and this time it's a two-day challenge! The guys weigh in, and it's Bert's turn to lose weight for the first time since Day 1, and boy is he a doozy. We also have a new segment called Who Is Fat? where the guys talk about the Who is Fat contest, and the winner gets to shave their beard and the loser has to pay for the winner s trip of their choice unless they can get down to a certain weight, which means they have to be under a certain height, which is why Ari Shafir is balking at the idea of paying for the other person's trip. And of course, we have a special guest on the show today, Mickey M. Jeter. We're live in front of 3 Tonino's in Woodland Hills, CA, and they're serving up the best pizza in the entire world. Enjoy the episode and remember to stay tuned in next week for a new episode of Who Is FAT? Tom and Bert's weigh-in is coming soon. Stay tuned for that! XOXO, John Rocha and Joe Pesci. Cheers, John and Joe. - The Jerks. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops by Suneaters, courtesy of Lotuspool Records. Thank you for listening and supporting the podcast. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and/or share the podcast with a friend or become a patron. We'll be looking out for the next episode! in the comments! - John is a big fan of the podcast and we'll be listening out for you! Timestamps: 0:00-10:00 - Who is fat? 5:30 - What's Too Fat? 6:15 - What is Fat? 7:30- What's Fat? 8:00 - What do you're Fat? 9:00? 11:00 | How much weight do you need to lose? 12:00/11: How much fat do you like it? 13: Is it too much? 15:00 / 16:30? 17:30/16:30 / 17:40 18:30 19:40/20?
00:01:10.000Oh, and by the way, we did the height tests because Ari Shafir, who was supposed to pay if they got below $227, Ari's supposed to pay for their trip.
00:01:20.000The loser has to shave their beard, and the loser has to pay for the winner's trip of their choice unless they can get down to $227, in which Ari Shafir agreed that he was going to pay.
00:01:33.000But now Ari is balking and he's saying that they have to be, uh, their height has to be measured because the body mass index would indicate that they have to be a certain height or they're obese.
00:09:48.000You really get to the place, like today on the treadmill, I was literally chewing ice and spitting it out into a shirt, and I thought, I know what those people feel like when they dive deeper in the ocean.
00:09:59.000They go, there's fresh water 10 feet below!
00:10:01.000You know those people that lose their minds out to sea?
00:11:15.000He's seeing his friend kind of slip away, and the friend eventually drinks ocean water, and he's telling him not to do it, but he's so far gone.
00:11:26.000And then it just accelerates the friend's death, and the friend died.
00:11:29.000What happens when you drink ocean water?
00:18:40.000It's a highway, and then along the highway, it's a bunch of fucking tax-sheltering cunts that live in Manhattan and then have these palatial estates in Greenwich.
00:20:33.000We know in comedy there's a lot of irrational people and there's a lot of comedians that bullshit about everything, including how the show went.
00:20:46.000I feel like I'm a realist and I have a pretty good...
00:23:10.000Well, you know, you're a real nice guy, Bert.
00:23:11.000You know, and that's why, I mean, you and I have had some conversations before where you've called me up and told me that someone was a dick to you or something that went wrong.
00:23:18.000And I get angry because I know what a nice guy you are.
00:23:33.000Because it's just, if you're a mean person for no reason, it's the only thing if you fucked up something or you did something bad, but there's a lot of people in this business, in comedy in particular, that you don't get the true wire from them.
00:23:50.000It's hard to figure out what exactly went on.
00:23:52.000They'll tell you something, and then you've got to throw it through a filter.
00:23:57.000Like, this guy was a piece of shit, and the show was going great, and then you talk to the guy like, no, no, no, he was bombing, and he was drunk, and he shit on the stage.
00:24:06.000There's nothing like the fibbing that goes on in stand-up.
00:24:10.000I mean, to get an accurate thing, you have to know, you have to trust the source.
00:26:22.000The whole thing what they're doing is, look, there's a lot of people that don't want you looking at pictures of them, which is fine.
00:26:28.000But if those same people will go on other people's accounts and start shitting on them, which is what you get a lot, then you get a lot of fake accounts where you go and they have no posts, no pictures, but they're commenting left and right on all these other people's accounts.
00:26:40.000And how many borderline and even obviously fat guys comment about how they're like, you're fat fuck, and you go to their profile like, you're fatter than shit, man.
00:26:51.000And so is your mother that's in the photo with you.
00:28:55.000Have you ever seen that what meme with the lady that looks like, you know what I'm talking about?
00:29:00.000And it just says, I think it says W-A-T or W-U-T. I like U-T. I use U-T. That one is my, this is like one of my favorite internet memes for what?
00:29:11.000Oh, by the way, I can't watch hunting shows anymore because of you.
00:31:01.000What's really crazy is how just a year and a couple months ago, she was on top of the world.
00:31:07.000It's that kind of an adjustment that's almost impossible for a regular person to comprehend.
00:31:11.000Other than death or a loss like that...
00:31:14.000There's very few events in your life where your life will completely shift upside down.
00:31:20.000But even in death, if someone you're close to that you care about dies, other people are sympathetic and they care about you and they don't treat you like you're a piece of shit because someone died.
00:31:32.000So in a lot of ways, fighting is its own completely unique kind of loss because it's the only time where people openly mock you For your loss.
00:31:45.000I've never seen people openly mock someone as much as it seems like they're mocking Rhonda.
00:31:50.000In their defense, in the people that are mocking, first of all, she did a lot of things that invited this.
00:32:00.000If you ever watched The Ultimate Fighter with her and Misha Tate, she was...
00:32:05.000Ridiculous in sticking the finger at Misha Tate, and after the fight she wouldn't shake Misha Tate's hand.
00:32:11.000There was a lot of anti-sportsmanship.
00:32:15.000Didn't she do that on the home fight, also not touch gloves?
00:32:52.000He was fighting at a different weight, but everybody keeps chiming in on this, including the UFC. They say that, you know, Nate's a 170. Bullshit.
00:32:59.000Nate Diaz fought 170 twice in the UFC against Dong Young Kim and against Roy McDonald, and both times he was too small and got ragdolled.
00:33:10.000He's not a 170. The reason why he's not a 170 is...
00:33:14.000He's been fighting at 155 successfully his whole career.
00:33:17.000And his fight before the Conor McGregor fight, he fought Michael Johnson at 155 and looked fantastic.
00:33:28.000Conor's right now the champ at 155. But they're different in size in that Conor can make 145, Nate can't make 145. So Conor can dehydrate himself down another 10 pounds, Nate can't.
00:35:02.000That's, I think, the great flaw of being the all-sport commenter like these guys are, is that they're trying to keep up with experts in all the sports, and they just don't have...
00:35:14.000He might have a great take on maybe the NBA or something.
00:35:19.000But then it starts to dilute somewhere.
00:35:22.000You're not also going to be the best at commenting on horse racing, baseball, football, college ball, college basketball, tennis.
00:35:30.000So then something's going to get lazy about the way you comment on it.
00:35:34.000It's not just even something's going to get lazy.
00:35:39.000I'm an expert in MMA, but in MMA, I defer to other people about certain aspects of MMA. Like, if I want to talk about Jiu Jitsu, I talk to Eddie.
00:35:50.000I say, okay, well, like, we had a conversation the other day about the Anderson Silva-Chael Sunday fight, and I incorrectly remembered it, and Eddie corrected me, and we watched the submission, and I'm like, you're right.
00:36:01.000I mean, I understand setups, and I understand technique, and I'm a black belt in jiu-jitsu under him and under John Jacques Machado, gi and no gi, and still my knowledge is nothing compared to Eddie Bravo's.
00:37:30.000Well that's what I was saying at the very beginning of this conversation was I feel like both of us were probably here in this podcast doing this podcast when when UFC signed the deal with Fox which was I think the big blow up where it was like now all of a sudden Fox was gonna brand it with with sports talent hosts and it was not just you and Goldberg it was it was it was it was like I remember hearing about big fucking Fox events where they had all their Jim Rome was gonna comment on it or no I'm not just saying And that's
00:38:00.000what kind of sucks because I was like, I feel like the mainstream media was so against it for so long that finally when it pushed through to watch the mainstream media do this almost like fucking arms wide open like, ah, we've always been.
00:38:15.000Skip, give us your insight about, yeah, it's just UFC. Skip, give us your insight.
00:38:20.000It's such a complex, it's not just putting a ball through a hoop.
00:38:22.000It's so lame what a gig that is, though, because the gig that he has is this thing where it's like, what's your hot take on this?
00:38:29.000And then those guys have to say something almost that is somewhat controversial.
00:38:52.000Like, I'm not, like, I'm not, obviously I'm not putting Amy Schumer on blast, but I I feel like these days, Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham, I don't even know if they have anything to say other than the most aggressive thing that everyone will react to, and then that keeps them famous.
00:40:17.000Look, if they're trying to take away the right for a woman to have an abortion, and she's trying to align herself with those people, and she hasn't had an abortion, that's a reasonable thing to say.
00:40:28.000I'm not disagreeing with what she's saying.
00:40:30.000I'm just pointing out that it seems to me that the way, I was just coupling on what he said, the way to be in the media these days is to say the most outrageous things, to get the most activity on social media so that you're still in the public eye.
00:44:03.000I'm talking about Bewitched and Aunt Viv.
00:44:05.000By the way, I had a surreal moment with Will Smith when I first moved out to L.A. We were in his car and Uncle Phil was in the car in front of him.
00:44:29.000And he got out and ran up and then you watch this big man in this fucking Range Rover go like in the front seat and then they got out and they hugged and they talked for like five minutes.
00:49:48.000They started doing that after Duck Koo Kim.
00:49:51.000Ray Mancini and Duck Koo Kim had this crazy fight.
00:49:55.000They changed a few things after that fight.
00:49:57.000One thing they changed is they stopped doing 15 round fights and they brought them down to 12 rounds.
00:50:02.000Another thing is they started, I think that's when they started doing weigh-ins the day before, but I could be mistaken.
00:50:07.000Because the dehydration fucks with your brain?
00:50:09.000Yeah, it fucks with your brain pretty hardcore.
00:50:11.000Yeah, it fucks with your ability to move, it fucks with literally the way your nervous system, like your body works sort of, I mean, obviously I'm gonna fuck this up, but there's a electrical current through your body that relies on water to function at its best.
00:52:53.000Yeah, and you do a thing called hooking.
00:52:56.000We hold on to the straps, like you're all strapped in, and you hold on to your straps, or the pilot would hold on to the handle, and you go like this.
00:53:23.000We were flying maybe, I don't know how far off the ground, but pretty low in this canyon range that's somewhere between San Diego and Arizona.
00:54:44.000Just picture Yeah The thing about the g-force training though is you know you're in a simulator You know, I mean it might be crazy you're spinning, but you're not flying Like you're not you can't look down and a hundred yards below you is a mountain range No,
00:56:31.000You can't respond and then you get knocked out.
00:56:35.000As tough as a person might think they are, as like in shape as a person might think they are, if you get in one of those goddamn jets and you fly at seven and a half G's, you take some crazy turns and your body is literally like giving, you gotta go unconscious from the pressure.
00:56:53.000It makes you realize, like, wow, I'm so frail.
00:59:01.000I'm facing, face forward down the mountain, cutting left, and I see them in front of me, and I catch a nose, and I fucking land face first into the snow four feet, and I'm under the snow.
01:00:21.000You forget, you don't realize your vulnerability every time you do an adventure thing.
01:00:25.000Anything that's adventurous, and they're like, especially when you realize how much nonchalantly you put your life in people's hands in that thing.
01:05:27.000Isn't it weird that you're allowed to do some shit that kills people and nobody bats an eye and everybody looks forward to it?
01:05:35.000You know, but if we were all going skydiving, you know, and like, there's a place, I went skiing in Aspen, and I went to this place, and I was like, how many people die here a year?
01:05:46.000And this dude who lives there goes, at least one or two every year.
01:08:06.000When I was a kid, man, I avoided anything that I thought could possibly hurt my legs because I was doing so much Taekwondo because I was, you know...
01:09:59.000What if Jesus came to you in the middle of a massage?
01:10:02.000You're lying on your stomach, no sexual organs are involved, but when someone has oil on your back and they're rubbing their elbow across the spine, just loosening everything up, you know that feeling like, ah...
01:10:16.000Arguably, there's times where that feels as good as coming.
01:10:26.000What weird rules do we have about touching each other, where you can lay down on your stomach and some lady that you don't know can rub her back Like, rub her elbow, rather.
01:11:20.000We had fucking ridiculous Puritans who got on rafts powered by the wind.
01:11:24.000They floated over to some place they weren't even sure existed.
01:11:27.000They set up a bunch of stupid rules and the echoes of that stupid rules fuck with our dicks and assholes today.
01:11:33.000I think, you know, that was the whole thing about that, uh, there was a fucking doctor who was giving women orgasms, and that was his thing.
01:12:41.000And so my wife said to me, her and her friend Sandy are like, they heard about Dr. Squirtz and they were talking to me and they're like, is that cheating if we went to Dr. Squirtz?
01:12:49.000Because he apparently gives you a massage and then gives you an orgasm.
01:12:52.000It's like the best orgasm you've ever had.
01:12:54.000That is so crazy that women are, but it makes sense.
01:12:59.000Like, if a woman was a chick with a good job, and she's busy working her way up the corporate ladder, just doesn't have time to date assholes, but she wants to get finger banged.
01:18:25.000You know, what I was thinking that we were talking about earlier about this Ronda Rousey thing, why people are so mean.
01:18:33.000And I think there's a certain there's always going to be like a certain backlash from someone who tries to be extraordinary because it makes us feel like weak and and And lazy in comparison and not as ambitious.
01:18:53.000If someone wants to be the best at anything, if someone proclaims they're the best, whether it's Conor McGregor or whether it's Ronda Rousey, that fucking rush to make it to number one scares a lot of us.
01:19:07.000Yeah, because it makes you look at what extent you're willing to go to for what you want to achieve.
01:19:12.000And then it makes you go, am I actually doing things like fulfilling my own potential?
01:19:20.000And you almost want to punish them if it goes wrong, like way more than you want to punish anyone else for anything else that goes wrong.
01:19:28.000So then let's put this in perspective because I just, by the way, I'm talking about friends of mine.
01:19:34.000I'm not calling people out at all, but like I saw Kevin Hart today on CNN and it wasn't about comedy.
01:19:40.000He was talking about how his job is now to inspire people to be better.
01:19:44.000And I was like, that's odd that I would hear Kevin talk like that, because he is funny as shit.
01:19:49.000And that's what he's really good at, is being fucking hilarious.
01:19:51.000But apparently he's like a fitness guru, and he's on a different level now.
01:19:56.000And I went, wow, is that the level where people start to fucking...
01:20:00.000Like, what they did with Amy or what they did with Dane is like, you see a comic get bigger than that, and then all of a sudden everyone's like, slip up once and we'll fucking eat your lunch.
01:20:12.000You know, it's like you want to celebrate the people that take the risk to climb to the highest mountains, but you want to mock them if they fall.
01:20:20.000But it's oftentimes not the same people that are mocking them.
01:20:26.000Obviously, I have zero animosity towards Ronda Rousey and 100% admiration for what she stands for as a competitor, what she tried to do and what she accomplished and the coming back thing.
01:20:40.000So I don't experience it on the negative side, but the people that do, though, the people that feel like they have a free shot to go at, there's enough of them that it makes a difference.
01:20:52.000So even if all the same people appreciate you whether you win or lose, the perspective shifts because so many more people that maybe you wouldn't ordinarily be in contact with who are negative are mocking it and really being absolutely vicious about the criticism and the way Trying to knock you down when you're already down.
01:21:16.000It's not just a matter of it being accurate or funny, which you're going to always have that.
01:21:20.000You're going to always have people that crack jokes and make fun.
01:22:21.000I was reading the article, and it's just, it's incredible the amount of things he's going to Buy a studio, like a big warehouse, actually not far from here, and wants to produce TV shows,
01:22:37.000movies, online content, all within there.
01:25:23.000Yeah, and we've all been like, you know, have you ever been in a road rage situation where someone cuts you off and you just get so much more mad than you normally would?
01:26:18.000It's a bunch of shit led to me getting there, and then I have an exchange with somebody, and then later I'll go back and be like, hey, I just want to tell you earlier, when I got here I felt like I was a little short with you, and they're like, oh, no problem.
01:26:32.000They're always very much downplaying it, but I'll feel bad about it.
01:26:36.000I had a fight with a car driver, a guy that drove me from the airport in front of my house.
01:26:43.000Like, not a fist fight, but a verbal fucking...
01:27:36.000I had 20 bucks in my hand, and I go, just so you know, that wasn't the best experience I've had, or whatever.
01:27:41.000And then I had the 20 bucks in my hand, and he was like, I was very disrespectful.
01:27:43.000And then we started going back and forth, and then I was like, fuck you, I'm not giving this to you.
01:27:47.000And then, in a weird way, I went, Bert, give it to him, or he's gonna come back and murder your family.
01:27:50.000And so I was like, all right, you know what, take it, we're even.
01:27:52.000And then I had to come back and go, I apologize.
01:27:56.000And this is the weird part about my brain that is what I started this whole fucking talk about is, is that I start going, hey, Bert, How important in this fucking spectrum of life is it that this guy is 30?
01:28:07.000How often have you been 30 minutes late?
01:28:09.000How often have you been 30 minutes late and then maybe got an attitude because you were defensive?
01:28:36.000And he shows up late, and so your interaction with him is already unbalanced, because you expect him to be apologetic, but how could he really apologize?
01:28:43.000You fucked up, you did, so now I know who you are.
01:28:46.000You're that guy who doesn't take his job that seriously, and you're going to drive me.
01:28:49.000I'm just going to put my headsets in, and he's mad at you that you do that.
01:28:53.000There's a lot of things going on there, man.
01:28:55.000And maybe if he showed up on time, the same guy, and you would have had a great old time.
01:29:00.000Maybe there's a moment where he's driving and my headsets are in and they're really good noise reduction headsets.
01:32:26.000Even know if you understand the impact that it has on people.
01:32:30.000When someone does that and you see people do it, there's so many people out there right now that didn't think that they had the ability inside them to do it, but they love you guys and they listen to your podcasts and they hang out with you guys and you do shows in their town, they come to the show.
01:40:02.000I mean, if he had a family, it would be a totally different thing.
01:40:05.000Or if he even considered having one, or even a girlfriend, it would be a different thing.
01:40:09.000But he's been tied down in the past, and right now what Ari's enjoying is creating stand-up, doing stand-up, doing his podcast, and just enjoying life, and enhancing his perspective, and taking it all in.
01:40:23.000And these trips that he goes on, He's orchestrating them.
01:40:46.000I've done it for seven years straight.
01:40:48.000But Ari went to Switzerland and had a different life experience than I did.
01:40:52.000And I went, now mine was under production, but like, he really does it great.
01:40:57.000I wanted to pitch a show so bad that we're, you know, because Ari's disappearing right now, I wanted to pitch a show and go, can I find Ari?
01:43:38.000Intended or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest or an enlightened inner circle.
01:43:46.000Joe Rogan, this is esoteric, what I'm about to say, and you will get this more than anyone.
01:44:56.000And this weight loss battle happened around that time, and like Bill Burr says poetically, I started taking on water and I felt fucking crazy about it.
01:45:05.000And then one morning I woke up and I went, oh, Tom's having a lot of fun with this.
01:45:36.000And it was like, and I know that, I don't think Tommy can attest to that as much as you can because being under Fear Factor, I don't think you ever were like under anyone's control.
01:45:44.000There's definitely a corporate umbrella that you're under where you're like, oh, I can't, you know, how long did I not smoke pot on camera?
01:45:51.000Yeah, and so as soon as that fucking happened, all that happened, I wrote that song, and it was like, it was one of those moments where he was just like, oh, I get to do whatever the fuck I want to do anymore.
01:45:59.000Like, I'm just a dude that likes for comedy.
01:46:02.000The same way Ari is, where he goes, I'm getting off the grid, that freedom.
01:48:20.000Because I know he's got a lot of shit going on, and I have shit going on too, but trust me, and you guys know, if you or you or Ari or Joey or Bill or any of you guys text me, this is my first reply.
01:48:32.000Like you can see my bubble come up in the bottom before you're done typing.
01:48:36.000Yeah, it's a weird requirement, right?
01:48:37.000Like there's times where, and more so lately than ever, that I've been just putting my phone in like, put it in the other room and I just leave it alone for hours.
01:54:48.000You realize after a while, I guess, when you're a guy like him or a guy like Ari, that it doesn't benefit you to have people influence you and tell you what to do.
01:56:04.000Can you please tell everyone what the premise was?
01:56:10.000I'm walking through Walmart in like fucking Richmond, Virginia and Tom calls me and we're talking about sitcom talk and he goes, yeah, I'm developing.
01:58:40.000Fucking huge laugh, but immediately it's off the, like, you can't, it's not, you're not allowed to say that.
01:58:45.000Gets on the set, kills, comes back to me.
01:58:47.000Russell Peters goes on stage, and you can hear the murmur in the crowd, and Tom does this snidely wit-lash giggle, like, and he goes, he's brown!
01:58:59.000And Russell Peters does a set, mediocre, I would say at best, and Russell murders, but it's because he's brown, and at that time they were saying, if it's brown and they move, kill it.
02:00:58.000First thing, before we even go on the tour, I say to Russell, in front of his, it's me, Tommy and Push, Leanne and me, and Russell and Kimberly, Dimberly.
02:01:09.000And I say, and then Russell's brother, Clayton, who might be my favorite human being in the world.
02:02:32.000By the way, the best group of people to witness that statement with is Russell Peters who has his arm around her and you watch his eyes go...
02:04:29.000Like a submarine city, where you literally...
02:04:33.000Build it into, like you take a train through the ocean to the center of the ocean where you have a city where you know you can't survive if anything goes wrong.
02:04:43.000And you all live in this little thing where you have to keep that train path open because that's where the food and air comes from.
02:06:36.000Isn't that the best when you can see a joke over and over in your head and you go, oh.
02:06:39.000I saw a guy with a wife beater on and a fucking Clint Eastwood magnum pointed at a wall.
02:06:44.000The joke I saw in my head that I could never get out is we were on Catalina one night with my sisters and we're all smoking pot.
02:06:51.000And they said, and there's buffalo that roam around there.
02:06:55.000So, I said, why is there buffalo here?
02:06:58.000And then my buddy Chris Gillen goes, oh, back in the 30s, the 20s, the owner of the Cubs owned him, owned this island, so he used to have spring training out here.
02:07:07.000So he brought the buffalo out, and my sister goes, for a scrimmage?
02:07:11.000And I saw the owner coming out in a seersucker shoot, seeing buffalo on one side, and the Cubs working out, and he goes, I'm at the fucking team!
02:07:19.000And I could not stop laughing at the image of him going out with a cigar, like...
02:07:27.000But when you can visualize it, it's the best.
02:15:36.000Where you would have like a very mild chili which was really enjoyable, a little spicy, and there was a whole taste grid from like 1 to 10. And I had tried like a 7 and it was insane how hot it was.
02:15:48.000And they would give you these little scoops.
02:15:51.000You know like if you would get like a personal size little paper cup and you pump the fucking ketchup in it at the burger shop?
02:15:58.000You know those little paper cup things?
02:16:00.000They give you one of those with the chili and a tiny baby spoon and you put it in your mouth and the fucking temperature from like a nine would make you immediately start hiccuping.
02:17:29.000The most giant of giant deer, their antlers fall off every year, even if it's like a nine-year-old deer, which is like an impossibly old deer.
02:18:39.000It means it's an old, mature, smart, dominant male that's probably been dominating the area.
02:18:45.000If you get a big deer with a lot of antler, those are the ones that are the bigger deers, and those are the ones that are the most dominant in terms of spreading their genes.
02:18:56.000A lot of times the idea behind the conservation angle is that if you hunt an animal like that, you're hunting an animal that's already long spread its genetics.
02:19:07.000So there's no danger of losing its genetics.
02:19:10.000Its genetics have been spread and it's actually better for the biodiversity of the environment if you let the younger buck start breeding now as well.
02:19:28.000Hunters tend to think that the idea is that if you can get them out of the food chain, the younger bucks will have a chance to rise up and become dominant.
02:24:34.000Not that you've ever had bad relationships with any of those people, but you won't be able to smoke pot, you won't be able to be honest, you won't be able to talk, you won't be able to swear.
02:24:42.000If you do it online, you could just be you.
02:24:45.000That's why podcasts are so fucking good.
02:24:47.000But it is why podcasts are so good, and that's why people really know who you are.
02:24:50.000You know, I mean, people know you from the Travel Channel, and they love you from stand-up, but until you see you, you-you, you-you, a couple shots, a fucking joint in, we're all having fun.
02:25:02.000I'd like you-you to kind of dial back a little bit.
02:25:06.000The best part of this is that, like, and this was the defining turn of me where I'm at today, was like, all my friends, you, I'll just say specifically you, Bill Burr, and Tommy, were all like, Travis Hill was great.
02:25:22.000But, like, you're better at stand-up and you're better at podcasting.
02:26:18.000You gotta do it all the time, and if you're doing a gang of other shit on top of it where you can't do stand-up for months at a time like you were doing, I was like, you're too funny.
02:26:24.000You're about to do a crazy amount, though, right?
02:26:26.000We're on 18 weeks straight on the road.
02:31:09.000Doing shit you're embarrassed about, where you're posting up a little bit outside the realm of him, going like, where's everyone going tonight?
02:33:37.000What's the most important, I'll say it from the other side of you two and Chappelle, is that I can't imagine what it's like for him to go there and be like, how are tickets sales?
02:33:49.000There's no such thing as him saying that.
02:34:04.000No, I have accounts sent to me when things are sold out or not sold out so I can decide whether or not I should tweet it again or put it up on Instagram or something.
02:34:14.000Yeah, I just look at, like, I wonder what it's like to be Chappelle and just go, I'll do this, and in four minutes, everyone in that city would want to come to see me.
02:34:22.000Daniel Tosh put up a tweet, and in a tweet, he sold out, like, a whole tour.
02:35:08.000Untethered meaning, yeah, not controlled, yeah.
02:35:10.000But I bet you, if it was, like, whatever, top three or something, you know, like, not the leading thing, you'd still see him being very much who he is.
02:35:20.000Oh, he's still, yeah, I... We're good to go.
02:35:44.000And Daniel Taj literally folded his fucking arms and he goes, I will not start the show until he's kicked out.
02:37:36.000He goes, if I was his attorney, I would simply put in a highlight reel and go, ladies and gentlemen, the jury, it's one white chick a year.
02:37:44.000And I fucking sat in the back of the room, I was like, this is my new favorite comic.
02:37:49.000I walked into the agreement and waited for him to come out, and I was like, dude, you're fucking amazing.
02:46:30.000That's all the fluid I have in my body.
02:46:32.000This could be a show you do on the Travel Channel, where you all get fucked up, and you get someone, and you shave their beard into a sculpture.
02:46:41.000Oh, you're getting in the deep area right there.
02:47:09.000Alright, so for people just listening, what Tom has done is sculpt Bert's beard in what could best be described as a fencer from the 1600s in France.
02:55:32.000Okay, this is the beginning, first couple of days of January, 2017. Why don't we knock it around for a few months, and we'll figure out how to finance some other competition.
02:57:18.000That's worse than dehydrating, for sure.
02:57:20.000I'm talking about some crazy, like, one of those obstacle courses.
02:57:23.000We have to, like, swing from the monkey bars and climb on the pole and all that jazz and climb up the net, the rope net, race each other doing something like that, and make a big deal out of that.
02:59:32.000It's like a Navy SEAL obstacle course, basically.
02:59:34.000What's really fascinating about you guys is that you both love each other and you're both an interesting combination of impulse and discipline.
02:59:45.000Ridiculous, fanatical, like, scramble sprint to catch up versus slow, steady marathon pace.
03:01:00.000And we talked about it yesterday, and sometimes people think we're insensitive when we talk about this, like the subject of fat shaming, whether or not fat shaming is a good thing.
03:01:07.000It's never a good thing to be mean to people, but it might not be the worst thing in the world to feel uncomfortable about the current state you're in if you know that state's unhealthy.
03:01:16.000And attaching all these, like, magic words to it, like fat shaming and deciding that certain actions can never take place or certain acknowledgements of someone's issue with their weight can never be discussed because it hurts people's feelings, it doesn't necessarily always do that person a service.
03:01:30.000Like, we'd all be better off if we were healthy.
03:01:33.000It feels great to eat fucking Krispy Kreme donuts, but you know what feels better?
03:01:37.000To eat Krispy Kreme donuts after you lost 40 pounds.
03:01:41.000And you know that tomorrow you're gonna get back on the fucking treadmill.
03:03:04.000There's a difference between someone who's got a problem whose life goes to shit and a guy like you who works constantly and also just lost 30 pounds.
03:03:10.000As a matter of fact, you might be like the perfect drawing line in the sand.
03:04:53.000If someone told me, hey man, from here on out, you're gonna be healthy, everything's gonna be great, you're not gonna have to worry about diseases, but you're gonna have to wear a 50 pound vest everywhere you go.
03:05:16.000If you go to live life with all that extra shit, it requires too much resources.
03:05:21.000But you guys did one of the hardest things that a person can do.
03:05:24.000You stopped your pattern in its tracks and you fucking turned the battleship.
03:05:31.000You used your will and your discipline, you turned the battleship in a competition between friends, and you both got healthier because of it.
03:05:39.000Maybe temporarily unhealthy in the last couple of days, because of the dehydration.
03:05:43.000But other than that, the weight loss, the diet change...
03:05:46.000How much have you put on since we started consuming?
03:05:49.000I've got to be 227. You think you put on that much weight?
03:07:09.000Okay, but if you weren't, like if you weren't, like you feel like physically you feel bad.
03:07:13.000If I just hydrated, that, I think a lot of times what you're talking about with fat shaming is that people don't understand what it feels like to be on the other side of that, you're getting more vodka.
03:09:55.000But I do look, I feel like I work at Deadwood, but on the south side, you look great.
03:10:00.000Here's one of the, actually, the big things about how this has turned out.
03:10:03.000Because you've lost so much weight, the impact is not, like, if you had been full 250-something, it would look worse, but you lost 30-some pounds.
03:10:14.000So it actually, you know, you should keep it.
03:15:13.000If we're going to be honest about it, I never had the validation that I had now in my life where his company says that that's what it was based on.
03:15:22.000So I'd say it on radio and so I didn't want to ever watch it because I felt like I was lying.
03:15:58.000Who took your story and brought it over there and profited from it?
03:16:03.000Some writer and there's it was never an issue because it wasn't really used based on you or stories about you that they added a bunch of the option was made by a company by an agency a literary agency and they Took it and they sold it with me and the Writer of the article attached so the art the movie had to be about a Journalist writing an article about a party animal right that was the caveat and So then I got discovered
03:16:33.000by Will Smith, and that deal fell apart, and the Oliver Stone deal fell apart, and then one of the producers or one of the writers who had submitted scripts or sent a script in, and it was moving forward, and they thought that was going to be the one.
03:16:45.000When it fell apart, he just took it and sold it to Van Wilder, or to National Lampoon, and they made it Van Wilder.
03:19:29.000There's also, like, it's a really good thing, like, just like you guys were talking about the competition of the weight loss and the fun inspiring you, there's at least some sort of unconscious competition when you're surrounded by people that are really funny.
03:20:23.000I know for what it's like to be Josh Potter right now and hear your name brought up on a podcast and then go, oh, why would they shit on me?
03:21:19.000The 2017 roster, the people that are coming up right now, the people that are just starting to get to know them, they're the most educated in all of the young group of comics that are coming up.
03:23:37.000Something like, you know, there's nothing like a floating corpse to get me in the mood when I fuck somebody.
03:23:43.000And then I would elaborate on the story and have jokes.
03:23:46.000It started there, and it was the early show Friday.
03:23:50.000And, I mean, not only did that not get a laugh, and I'm telling you, it's a full house.
03:23:56.000I got no laughs for the next 22 and a half minutes, and I know it was 22 and a half minutes, because I was supposed to do 25. By the way, Tom had his hair, his hair was long at the time, it was like a comb over, and what would happen is, slowly as he worked, it would flatten onto his hat,
03:24:11.000onto his head, onto his face, and just be wet.
03:24:32.00010 o'clock show I opened the same way and I bombed just as hard back-to-back 25 minute sets just as hard like and and then I remember the host goes I've never seen a feature bomb like that like he was he was and he was the MC and then I Really was like having you know like having to lie to myself at the hotel I was like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing but I was like no it's definitely you know what you're doing and unlike it was it was a shaky and And then the next day,
03:25:00.000Bert goes, hey, can I tell you just one thing?
03:25:35.000And then I went back, and the same thing, I did the same thing, the second show, just opened differently, and I was like, oh, thanks, Bert.
03:25:42.000It was the best advice I ever got for getting through that.
03:25:45.000Wow, so it's hard if people don't know who you are, if you jump out there and alienate them with a fucked up joke.
03:25:49.000Yeah, and then they tell me later, they're like, well, you know, that first group, there was like 90 Mormons that just wanted to come to the show.
03:32:30.000And if you keep it along the path that it's been on for this sort of competition, this is like a super beneficial competition for both you guys.
03:32:38.000Dude, you've lost an insane amount of weight.
03:33:06.000When people are around you all the time, they get used to a certain look, and even if it shifts radically over the course of six months, you don't notice it.
03:33:12.000This one's going to take a while, I think, for the family.
03:40:30.000And to have you come in and do this in here, it's fun.
03:40:33.000And I really mean what I said, that what you guys did, whenever someone does something like that, where they just decide to make a contest, and the results of that contest is you could radically improve your life over a short period of time.
03:41:26.000Yeah, instead of coming up with reasons why you can't do it, try to figure out a way that you can.
03:41:31.000And it might not be today, and it might not be tomorrow, but there's got to be a way to improve things.
03:41:36.000And to always concentrate on the reasons why you can't.
03:41:39.000You've got to keep winding up in patterns.
03:41:41.000And sometimes, like a little competition, like you guys did, In fun and fairness and friendship, it's a good thing because it shows people that everybody won out of that.
03:41:50.000Even though you had to shave your beard, you still lost 30 fucking pounds, man.
03:42:06.000I'm glad you got involved because I think it stepped it up to the next level and made it more fun for both of us because we started getting it bigger and bigger and bigger.