The Joe Rogan Experience - February 17, 2017


Joe Rogan Experience #918 - Frank Castillo


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 38 minutes

Words per Minute

202.73386

Word Count

32,184

Sentence Count

3,232

Misogynist Sentences

59

Hate Speech Sentences

61


Summary

Comedian Frank Castillo joins Jemele to talk about his time at The Comedy Store, winning Roast Battle on Comedy Central, and how he went from working at the store to becoming a stand-up comic. He also talks about how he got to where he is today, and what it's like to be a part of one of the most famous comedy clubs in the country. He also tells the story of how he ended up at the Comedy Store and why he decided to come back to the place he grew up to become a stand up comic. And he talks about what it was like to work at the comedy store when he was a kid. He talks about the early days of the store and how it's changed since then, and why it's one of his favorite places in the whole world. It's a great episode, and I hope you all enjoy it! Thank you for listening and supporting the show! If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! I'll be looking out for you in the next episode! Thanks again for the support! Cheers! -Jon Sorrentino and Cheers, Jonny & Matt -Eugene & Jamie Thanks Jonny and Jamie! -Jonny and Matt - Matt & Matt, Jonny is a good friend of the show, and he's a good dude. - Matt is a great guy, and we love Jonny's music is great, too, so much so that you should know that he's great, so please give him a shout out on his music is amazing, so we're listening to his music, too. Jonny has a lot of good vibes, so you should do us a review of his music too. Thank you Jonny s music is really good, so thank you so much, too much, he's cool, so good, and you should listen to this guy's music too, too good of a good thing, so don't be nice, so he's good enough, good, good enough to do that's good, you're cool, good vibeeeeeeeeeeayeee, good night, good bye, good day, and so much more, so send us a little more than that kind of stuff like that, good morning, goodie, goodnight Jonny loves you.


Transcript

00:00:15.000 Shh, you guys hear that?
00:00:17.000 You hear that shit?
00:00:19.000 That's the rain.
00:00:20.000 That's how hard it's raining here.
00:00:22.000 All these pussies telling you, don't, don't, don't mow your lawn.
00:00:27.000 Don't, don't water the lawn.
00:00:29.000 Don't fill the pool.
00:00:30.000 We're running out of water.
00:00:32.000 We're running out of water here in California.
00:00:35.000 Not anymore, motherfucker.
00:00:37.000 They're evacuating people, Jamie.
00:00:39.000 What did it say on your phone?
00:00:40.000 I figured.
00:00:41.000 Evacuate!
00:00:42.000 Sacramento's fucked!
00:00:44.000 The dam is blowing, Frank Castillo!
00:00:47.000 The dam!
00:00:48.000 I usually don't introduce guests, but this gentleman across me here is...
00:00:54.000 I'm really proud of you.
00:00:55.000 Thank you.
00:00:58.000 Frank Castillo...
00:01:00.000 If you go to his Instagram page, let me just tell everybody, he just won Roast Battle on Comedy Central, which, with stand-up comedians, that's a huge deal.
00:01:08.000 I mean, that is, that's a big deal.
00:01:10.000 That show's a big deal.
00:01:12.000 It's a big deal for comedy, but it's a big deal you won.
00:01:15.000 And if you go to your Instagram page, dude, it's so inspirational.
00:01:19.000 You do the shittiest fucking shows.
00:01:21.000 You're out there doing bowling alleys, you're out there doing like bars with three people in them, and you're doing three, four, a night.
00:01:28.000 You're just always hammering it.
00:01:30.000 I love it.
00:01:30.000 And then to see you do that, and to see you working at the store, like many other people before, like Like Duncan's done, like Ari's done, like Renizzisi's done, like so many people have gone from working at the store.
00:01:42.000 Bobby Lee, I think, worked at the store?
00:01:43.000 Yep.
00:01:44.000 So many people have gone from working at the store to making it as a comic.
00:01:47.000 So to see you go from working at the store, grinding every night, and then winning roast battle, show these motherfuckers the trophy here.
00:01:58.000 Dude.
00:01:59.000 It's fucking heavy.
00:02:00.000 That's legit as fuck.
00:02:03.000 Damn.
00:02:03.000 Now I get why they don't want people to hand those out.
00:02:05.000 Like, the second I got it, I was like, I get why they...
00:02:07.000 I get it now.
00:02:08.000 They shouldn't just hand these out to kids.
00:02:10.000 It's so powerful.
00:02:11.000 Yeah, you can't just give a kid a trophy for nothing.
00:02:13.000 You gotta win.
00:02:14.000 You gotta win.
00:02:15.000 You gotta do it.
00:02:16.000 And this show, Roast Battle, is one of the reasons why I came back to the Comedy Store.
00:02:20.000 When I went to see...
00:02:21.000 Ari was doing his special.
00:02:24.000 And he had decided to film his first Comedy Central special at the store.
00:02:28.000 And I hadn't been in the store in seven years.
00:02:30.000 I hadn't even stepped foot inside the place.
00:02:31.000 And I was like, well, there's no way I'm missing this.
00:02:35.000 So I had to bite the bullet.
00:02:37.000 I had to go in there.
00:02:38.000 And I said, let me just go the night before.
00:02:41.000 And Jeff Ross asked me to be one of the judges at Roast Battle.
00:02:44.000 And so I was sitting up there and I was going, wow, this is crazy.
00:02:48.000 This is a totally different thing.
00:02:49.000 Like this was never here seven years ago.
00:02:52.000 There was nothing, anything like it.
00:02:53.000 It was like really creative writing, really like nasty jokes, but then everybody's hugging afterwards.
00:03:00.000 You know, like that's One of the rules is after you do it, you gotta hug it out.
00:03:04.000 It was fucking great!
00:03:06.000 And I was like, creatively, this is so inspiring, and there's so much life to it.
00:03:12.000 That, and then Ari Special, I said, fuck it, I'm back.
00:03:15.000 It's a crazy thing, man.
00:03:17.000 I mean, also just having you show up and just be a part of that, that was one of those things where everyone knew, like all the younger comics, all the open micers, because it started as an open mic, so when we saw you come in, everyone was just like, oh, this is different.
00:03:30.000 That's when everyone kind of was like, oh, things are changing.
00:03:33.000 Yeah, man, things have changed since then at the store.
00:03:36.000 The store's a crazy place now.
00:03:38.000 It's insane.
00:03:39.000 Like, I've been there, I started there in 94. And it was kind of like there's something that happened before I got there, like a bomb had gone off.
00:03:49.000 And like, these are the survivors that just moved back to the city.
00:03:52.000 It was weird.
00:03:53.000 It was like the age of Kinnison had died, you know, and then there was really no one after him.
00:03:58.000 So, like, I came in the early 90s and Kinison was like 80, you know, like, the early 80s to like 86, 88, and then I believe he died in like, what did he die in like 1992 or something like that?
00:04:13.000 He'd already left the store.
00:04:15.000 And when I got there, it was all these weird road comics that were like Bodaks.
00:04:22.000 Bodaks.
00:04:22.000 Bodaks.
00:04:23.000 You know what a Bodak is?
00:04:24.000 No.
00:04:24.000 Someone who does a lot of cruise ships.
00:04:26.000 Oh, okay.
00:04:26.000 No disrespect to anybody who does cruise ships.
00:04:28.000 I know there's a lot of comics who really do love doing cruise ships, and they're really funny comics.
00:04:32.000 That's not what I mean.
00:04:33.000 But what I mean is there was certain people that didn't work.
00:04:37.000 Anywhere else but really shitty gigs.
00:04:40.000 And there was a lot of them at the store.
00:04:42.000 And I was like, this is so weird.
00:04:43.000 I thought it was going to be like Richard Pryor and Louis Anderson.
00:04:47.000 I thought it was just going to be killer after killer after killer.
00:04:50.000 It wasn't like that.
00:04:51.000 But it is now.
00:04:53.000 This is the time it is.
00:04:54.000 Some of those lineups are the absolute craziest.
00:04:57.000 Dude, it's ridiculous.
00:04:58.000 Chris D'Elia, Bill Burr, you're like, what?
00:05:00.000 Over and over again.
00:05:01.000 Killer after killer after killer.
00:05:02.000 Moshe Kasher, Joey Diaz.
00:05:04.000 What the fuck, man?
00:05:05.000 Tasha Lazaro, all those guys going up.
00:05:07.000 It's crazy.
00:05:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:05:08.000 Andrew Santino.
00:05:09.000 Boom, boom, boom.
00:05:10.000 It's like killer after killer.
00:05:12.000 Young killers, older killers.
00:05:14.000 It's crazy.
00:05:15.000 Ron White is there now.
00:05:16.000 Just walking around.
00:05:17.000 It's actually insane.
00:05:17.000 Ron White's hanging with us in that back bar.
00:05:20.000 Yeah.
00:05:20.000 The elder statesman of stand-up comedy.
00:05:22.000 I remember when Ron White came into a casino I was working at.
00:05:25.000 It was before I moved to Los Angeles for anything.
00:05:28.000 I was just working in a bar and he was doing a show there.
00:05:30.000 And I remember I was just like, oh my God, I can't believe it's Ron White.
00:05:32.000 Yeah, man.
00:05:33.000 And I talked to him.
00:05:34.000 And then now it's just so crazy to be at the comedy store, sitting in the back, smoking a joint, just talking to him about comedy.
00:05:40.000 Dude.
00:05:41.000 And you know what?
00:05:42.000 We started doing the factory again, too.
00:05:44.000 We did the factory last week.
00:05:47.000 And we're going to do it again next week.
00:05:48.000 We're going to do the factory on Wednesday nights every other Wednesday.
00:05:51.000 Oh, that's amazing.
00:05:52.000 At 10 o'clock.
00:05:53.000 Yeah, man, because the factory was struggling.
00:05:55.000 And we were like, the Laugh Factory is a good club.
00:05:58.000 It's just, you know, it had a lot of weirdness in the past that was connected to it.
00:06:02.000 And the store was always that place to go to.
00:06:04.000 So I think it's important when we see these clubs that we're really lucky to have, that we support them all.
00:06:10.000 Absolutely.
00:06:12.000 Keep them going.
00:06:13.000 It's because it's guys like you, these guys that are coming up, you're going to be in the same position that we're in someday, where you're capable of organizing a night and filling up a room, and then it pumps up the business, and then guys like you get in.
00:06:26.000 Like when we did the Ice House Wednesday night.
00:06:29.000 Guys like you get in, and then you'll be in that same position someday, too.
00:06:32.000 It's fucking cool to watch, man.
00:06:34.000 It's absolutely just insane to be a part of, you know what I mean?
00:06:38.000 I got to host when we were at the Laugh Factory that Wednesday, and that was bananas because it was just like meeting the booker and the manager and all these people.
00:06:48.000 And again, sick lineup.
00:06:49.000 Yeah, and it's just crazy.
00:06:51.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:06:52.000 I know.
00:06:52.000 You're getting in.
00:06:53.000 You're like at the door.
00:06:55.000 I remember those days, man.
00:06:57.000 I was never in a position like you're in, though.
00:07:00.000 Your position is better than my position when I was in your stages of stand-up, because you got into something through stand-up.
00:07:08.000 I got into something through a sitcom.
00:07:10.000 A sitcom is okay, but it's not the same.
00:07:14.000 The stand-up route is the best route.
00:07:16.000 It's really odd, too, because of just how many people have seen the roast battle.
00:07:20.000 Just the finals, I almost feel naive because I didn't realize how many people were there.
00:07:25.000 It was like winning the combine, the NFL combine, but for comedy.
00:07:30.000 It was, dude.
00:07:31.000 It was a big deal.
00:07:32.000 It was a big deal.
00:07:33.000 It was like, guys at the store and girls, I shouldn't be sexist, guys at the girls and girls at the store, we were following it like a sports team.
00:07:41.000 We were following it.
00:07:43.000 Yeah.
00:07:43.000 Like, it was crazy.
00:07:44.000 I was like, who's in the lead?
00:07:45.000 Who's winning?
00:07:46.000 Where's he at?
00:07:46.000 You know?
00:07:47.000 Yeah, and just the vibe in the room was absolutely crazy.
00:07:50.000 Just like hearing this.
00:07:51.000 It was like a sporting event.
00:07:53.000 It was nuts.
00:07:53.000 Dude, when I showed up at the store after you'd won, it was like we were Super Bowl champs.
00:07:58.000 It's crazy!
00:08:00.000 People were crying.
00:08:02.000 But also, me winning was such a weird thing, because it was like, especially the LA comedy community, I don't want to say open micers, it's a terrible term, but it's like, I'm still an open micer.
00:08:10.000 You know what I mean?
00:08:10.000 I still hit open mics.
00:08:12.000 I'm still a comic that does these things.
00:08:13.000 So it's like, when I won, I'd see all these guys that I would see at these open mics, and it was like, we won.
00:08:20.000 You know what I mean?
00:08:20.000 Because it's like they see me at all these spots.
00:08:22.000 They know me as the guy that's always working at the store, that's always doing something.
00:08:26.000 So it was like a weird sense of pride.
00:08:28.000 It was like your home team winning.
00:08:29.000 Yeah.
00:08:30.000 But also it shows you that you can do it.
00:08:32.000 Like they're you.
00:08:33.000 You're them.
00:08:34.000 You guys are all working together.
00:08:35.000 Yeah.
00:08:35.000 You're all doing those open mics together.
00:08:37.000 They know there's nothing like, you didn't get some Willy Wonka golden ticket and somebody let you in.
00:08:41.000 No, you just hammered it out, man.
00:08:43.000 You kept doing it.
00:08:44.000 Your Instagram page is the shit, man.
00:08:46.000 I really do draw inspiration from it.
00:08:49.000 I love seeing, and I know you're funny, too, which helps.
00:08:52.000 Thank you.
00:08:52.000 Because there's certain people that I look at and I go, well, this guy or this girl, all they have to do is not fuck this up.
00:08:58.000 They're funny.
00:08:58.000 Like, you got it.
00:08:59.000 Yeah.
00:09:00.000 And it's like, it's very important to tell those people that, too.
00:09:02.000 Like, tell them, you can do, because I remember people saying that to me.
00:09:06.000 And it was a huge, like, Marc Maron gave me a speech one day after I did a show at the The Comedy Connection in Boston, which was a little tiny room, and he said some cool shit to me after my set, and I was just a raw open-miker.
00:09:21.000 Like, way rower even than you.
00:09:22.000 I was like, how long have you been doing it now?
00:09:24.000 Started when I was 21, so I'd say about 27 now, so six years.
00:09:28.000 But, like, seriously for four, which is, like, the pace that I've been doing it, where I'm, like, hitting mics, trying to go on shows.
00:09:33.000 I'm really taking it seriously.
00:09:34.000 Is it harder to get cracking in L.A., do you think, because there's so much comedy here?
00:09:39.000 I don't think it's hard to get cracking.
00:09:41.000 I think it's tougher, definitely.
00:09:43.000 But I think if you're willing to work hard, because you're surrounded by...
00:09:46.000 This is something my manager told me right before I moved.
00:09:49.000 Because I was supposed to get a job, and then I didn't, and I was really bitter, and I wanted to move to Los Angeles.
00:09:54.000 And he said, you can move now and find out you're the shit, and things are going to go great.
00:09:58.000 Or you can move now and find out you're not the shit, and then work really hard, and then get really good.
00:10:04.000 And that's what I did.
00:10:04.000 Damn, you got a good manager.
00:10:05.000 That's good, solid manager advice.
00:10:07.000 I mean, he was a restaurant manager, but I mean, it was great advice.
00:10:11.000 Wow.
00:10:11.000 So he doesn't have anything to do with comedy?
00:10:14.000 No, he was just a manager.
00:10:15.000 Call that dude.
00:10:16.000 Tell him to start an agency.
00:10:17.000 That's why it was so logical.
00:10:19.000 That's why what he said was so logical.
00:10:20.000 You never hear that from fucking stand-up comedy managers.
00:10:23.000 They give people the worst advice.
00:10:25.000 But that's what I did.
00:10:26.000 We moved here and then it was like, you know, people were like, oh, there's no time in Los Angeles.
00:10:29.000 Like, no, there's time if you're willing to make it.
00:10:31.000 Like, I will drive to a mic, sign up, drive to another mic, sign up, drive back to that first mic, hit a spot, text someone that's running a show or a host that I know is going to just toss me up at the end so I know I could go to that mic in two and a half hours while I'm waiting for this other mic.
00:10:47.000 Yeah.
00:10:47.000 So it's like, it's just, like, how much are you willing to pay for gas?
00:10:52.000 You know what I mean?
00:10:52.000 Like, it's really you're investing in yourself.
00:10:54.000 Yeah.
00:10:56.000 Well, you're definitely investing in yourself, but you're growing in some weird way.
00:11:03.000 The more sets you do, your act just kind of grows.
00:11:06.000 Sometimes I've done the hat trick at the store where you do the main room, the belly room, and then the OR or whatever order.
00:11:11.000 By the time you get to that third show, dude, you're on fire.
00:11:14.000 You're just ready to have fun.
00:11:16.000 You just warmed up.
00:11:17.000 Tucked and in the groove and that's where a lot of times new ideas come from because you're so comfortable on stage Like maybe you're working on a new bit and out of nowhere this new angle comes up and it's the best angle the bit It's because it's just something you said.
00:11:29.000 Yeah, like offhand.
00:11:31.000 It's also something super satisfying It's about seeing someone work hard and become successful.
00:11:36.000 I'd love seeing people succeed.
00:11:38.000 Yeah Like in seeing someone work hard and then it actually working.
00:11:43.000 And then you see all these people that come up with excuses, and they're always fucking off, and they're not traveling enough, they're not doing enough sets, they're not writing enough, they're sticking with the same old material for too long.
00:11:52.000 Come on, man.
00:11:54.000 And now it's different, because it's like, I'm in a weird position where it's like, most people win something like that, and then they'll tear off their hour or something, and it's like, me, I'm just a, you know, I'm a door guy, so I've got like 15, maybe 20 good minutes, but now's the opportunity for me, like people ask me to headline somewhere, like some random club,
00:12:10.000 I was like, I'm not gonna do that.
00:12:11.000 Ha ha!
00:12:11.000 Like, I'll do 20-minute sets for the next year and a half to build that hour because I just want to be a good comic.
00:12:17.000 Well, you definitely have to get frantic now about creating new material.
00:12:20.000 And that's something about those really short sets.
00:12:22.000 Like, a lot of times open mics, they give you three minutes.
00:12:24.000 You know, what do you get?
00:12:25.000 Three, sometimes five?
00:12:27.000 Three, sometimes four.
00:12:27.000 Some people give me a little bit longer just because, you know.
00:12:29.000 Yeah, but that's it's hard to come up like that for me.
00:12:33.000 That's like the setup for a bit sometimes You know like you're just getting you're you're just getting the whole Sort of landscape laid out before you go into a bit Kinison used to say that that was a big thing about Kinison not liking to do late-night shows He's just like I can't get cooking in five minutes.
00:12:49.000 Yeah, you know because he was used to doing those He would take the late spot at the store where he would just go as long as he wanted he would have that last spot The Kinnison spot.
00:12:58.000 Yeah, I mean that's what we call it today.
00:12:59.000 We call it the Kinnison spot.
00:13:00.000 I've never done it.
00:13:01.000 Maybe I've done it like two or three times, but I mean I haven't done it in like recent years at all.
00:13:05.000 I got to do one super late spot.
00:13:07.000 It was the first time I worked a potluck and usually at the rules of The store, once you first get hired, you don't get on friends and family list for a few months.
00:13:16.000 It's something you have to earn.
00:13:18.000 That's when I was working there.
00:13:19.000 So it was like for the first four months, you didn't get any spots.
00:13:21.000 You had to keep working there and then eventually they toss you on potluck.
00:13:24.000 And then if you're good enough, they'll put you on the name or you put your name on the list so you have to get up.
00:13:28.000 So it was my first night working potluck.
00:13:31.000 It's 1.30 in the morning and the host is about to finish the show.
00:13:35.000 And I'm talking to one of the guys.
00:13:36.000 I'm like, hey, I just got hired here.
00:13:38.000 I haven't gotten up.
00:13:39.000 There's still two people here.
00:13:40.000 There's no paid regulars.
00:13:41.000 Can I just go up at the end and do like three or five minutes?
00:13:43.000 And the managers looked at me and was like, whatever, go ahead.
00:13:46.000 And then, yeah, I got to go up three minutes, did like potluck at 1.30 in the morning in front of two people.
00:13:53.000 And that was like the most funnest I've ever had.
00:13:56.000 Well, you're realizing, like, holy shit, I'm on stage at the Comedy Store.
00:13:59.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:13:59.000 Just that alone.
00:14:00.000 Yeah.
00:14:01.000 I'm actually behind a mic in front of an audience at the Comedy Store.
00:14:03.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:14:04.000 Where everyone else has been that's been following these exact same footsteps.
00:14:08.000 Yeah, you know, this is a conversation that I had the other day with another comedian.
00:14:12.000 We were talking about how there's certain actors...
00:14:18.000 Especially, I think, actors who will treat people that are like what they call below the line, like producers and people who are extras and people who are, you know, they're not caterers, things like that.
00:14:32.000 They're not the executives and they're not the big top people and the other actors.
00:14:37.000 So they treat them one way and then the rest of the folks that work on the set a different way.
00:14:42.000 Like those people are not equal.
00:14:43.000 They're like below the line.
00:14:44.000 And we were talking about how with stand-up, Everybody at the store is pretty much, like once you start working there, once people like you and you're cool, we're all the same thing.
00:14:55.000 Whether it's Daniel Tosh or Bill Burr, they'll talk to you like everybody talks to you.
00:15:02.000 Everybody's the same.
00:15:02.000 Because we all know that we are that person.
00:15:05.000 Everybody working the door that has dreams to become a stand-up is like me when I was delivering newspapers or driving limos.
00:15:13.000 It's the same thing.
00:15:14.000 We're all the same thing.
00:15:15.000 It's absolutely crazy, too, because, like, I mean, working at the store, I mean, you put a great point.
00:15:20.000 Like, there's definitely a moment where headliners start taking you seriously and then treat you like a peer.
00:15:25.000 Yeah.
00:15:26.000 And that is an awesome moment and just, like, it's interesting right when it happens.
00:15:30.000 Like, I remember when, like...
00:15:31.000 You know, you first started talking to me, or, like, Jesselnik, or, like, Jeff Ross first, like, gave me attention just to, like, talk, and, like, I could hold their attention, like, we, like, it felt like we were peers, and that's just an insane feeling to have as a young comic for the first time.
00:15:46.000 Well, that's part of the scary thing about, I think it was probably any endeavor.
00:15:51.000 Whether you want to become an artist or a surgeon or whatever the fuck you want to become, if you have people that you see that are ahead of you that are already doing it, it seems like the barrier between you and them is insurmountable.
00:16:04.000 And sometimes just someone saying something to you, just someone saying, look, everybody starts out as a beginner.
00:16:11.000 There's no instant experts.
00:16:14.000 No.
00:16:14.000 You start out as a beginner, you don't know what the fuck you're doing, and then eventually you figure it out.
00:16:19.000 So everyone you see that is up there, that's you.
00:16:23.000 We're all the same thing.
00:16:24.000 And the people that are further ahead, you kind of have an obligation to go, hey, if you like the art form, and I love the art form, I think stand-up comedy is still my favorite thing to watch after all these years of doing it.
00:16:36.000 You want more people to succeed.
00:16:38.000 I think there's a greed thing that some folks possess where they only want to shine.
00:16:45.000 They want to be the only person who shines.
00:16:46.000 So they see these people coming up.
00:16:48.000 They're like, fuck them.
00:16:49.000 I'm going to keep these fuckers down.
00:16:51.000 Kiss my boot, motherfucker.
00:16:52.000 There's some of that where they're trying to kick you as you're trying to climb up behind them.
00:16:58.000 I've experienced that a few times, but my mom always told me, and my dad too, my mom always said, it was one of those things where it was like, you treat everyone the way you want to be treated.
00:17:07.000 And also, you also got to remember, it's like, you have to be nice to everybody, because you never know who's going to be who.
00:17:13.000 Yeah, well, you should just be nice because it feels good, too.
00:17:16.000 Feels good to them, feels good to you.
00:17:18.000 When I go on open mics, I always make sure to tag all the guys running the mics.
00:17:23.000 I always make sure to say thank you and stuff because I'm not the only one.
00:17:27.000 And you always got to try to take care of other people and bring them up.
00:17:29.000 Yeah, and that cool little network of social media, you know, of tagging people's Instagrams and, you know, letting people know, like, hey, the ha-ha on Tuesday nights, great show.
00:17:38.000 Like, all that stuff helps.
00:17:39.000 Helps everybody.
00:17:40.000 Helps the community.
00:17:41.000 It helps people who are comedy fans.
00:17:43.000 Like, if you're a comedy nerd, holy shit, what a good town to live in.
00:17:46.000 Oh, absolutely.
00:17:47.000 It's crazy.
00:17:48.000 And you see a lot of them.
00:17:49.000 You see them, like, come to the store.
00:17:50.000 And sometimes it's, like, unnerving because you know they've seen your act and you're working on these new bits.
00:17:54.000 Like, oh, bitch, you've already seen this bit.
00:17:56.000 Yeah.
00:17:57.000 You feel like such a fraud.
00:17:58.000 That's how I feel every time I go up at the Roast Battle.
00:18:00.000 Because I get to go up every Tuesday at the Roast Battle.
00:18:03.000 And then before it was just, like, audiences who kind of, like, have seen the Roast Battle, so the fans of it.
00:18:07.000 But now it's, like, this is the first week where people came to see me.
00:18:12.000 Like, they were just like, oh, my God, we know who you are.
00:18:13.000 And Moses, who runs the show, and Coach T both just, they were like, you're...
00:18:18.000 You're here to see Frank?
00:18:19.000 It was like a black couple too.
00:18:21.000 They're like, black people like Frank?
00:18:22.000 This is crazy!
00:18:24.000 But it was just nice.
00:18:25.000 And so, but now it's like there's a pressure every Tuesday for me to do something new, to write something new.
00:18:30.000 Yeah, you gotta ramp it up.
00:18:32.000 Yeah.
00:18:32.000 Yeah, but you're still working at the store too.
00:18:34.000 I saw pictures of you sweeping up after a roast battle.
00:18:38.000 Yeah, that's a great feeling too.
00:18:40.000 I had to put in my two weeks, sort of, like my almost two weeks.
00:18:43.000 We'll get you up there.
00:18:45.000 Yeah.
00:18:47.000 Yeah, I had to tell my boss, I was like, listen, I was like, I love working here, but I'm just getting too busy at nights.
00:18:52.000 Like, I can only work phones.
00:18:54.000 And then I was like, so I gotta go do, you know, stand-up stuff.
00:18:56.000 And they were super cool.
00:18:57.000 They're like, that's great.
00:18:58.000 We're really happy for you.
00:18:59.000 And that just shows that the system's working at the store.
00:19:01.000 It's the only place that I know of that really has that system, where the employees are all comics.
00:19:06.000 They're all so, it's so weird.
00:19:08.000 It's a fun place to work because of that.
00:19:10.000 It's the best, man.
00:19:11.000 I mean, in that picture, too, it's one of those things where someone called me and was like, can you work phones?
00:19:17.000 And I was like, yeah, I'll work phones.
00:19:18.000 So I worked phones, and then I sat in the main room because someone was out of town, so I sat the shift.
00:19:24.000 And then I had to help with the roast battle because I do that anyways.
00:19:27.000 It's just part of my job.
00:19:29.000 So it was like I did all these things, and then I got to do a set, and then I got to...
00:19:33.000 Judge the roast battle and toss jokes out.
00:19:35.000 Because when I judge, I mostly just write jokes so I can just say funny things while I'm...
00:19:39.000 And then I let everyone else do the critiques and stuff.
00:19:41.000 It's also like, who am I? But it's just an opportunity for me to shine and make funny jokes at the people battling.
00:19:49.000 But, I mean, it's all just in today's work, you know?
00:19:51.000 It's all just work.
00:19:52.000 Well, that's the thing about that roast battle show that's really interesting is that it's really a joke writer showcase because everything has to be new.
00:19:59.000 You can't use stock jokes, and you're essentially given an assignment.
00:20:04.000 Yeah.
00:20:04.000 You know, like, hey, Frank Castillo, this is, you know, Bob Smith, and, you know, you gotta figure out what's fucked up about Bob Smith's head.
00:20:11.000 That one joke you said about that dude, what was it, his forehead?
00:20:14.000 Oh, Joe's forehead, uh, Joe's forehead's, Joe's forehead looks like it added a second story on it, so there'd be more room to think about dicks.
00:20:25.000 That kind of shit, you know, because the dude did have a large forehead.
00:20:28.000 But, like, that's something that you have to think up about that person.
00:20:31.000 And if you make a regular forehead joke, it's not gonna be, like, it's like, oh, okay, cool, he's got a big forehead, whatever.
00:20:37.000 But if you make it and add layers to it, it's more funny.
00:20:40.000 Yeah, and it really is a set-up punchline format.
00:20:44.000 I mean, it's a really funny format because it's a blah-blah-blah is so blah-blah-blah.
00:20:50.000 You know, you can't, there's no ranting.
00:20:52.000 There's no, you really, you can't go on rants also because you're really only supposed to be allowed one line.
00:21:00.000 Yeah.
00:21:00.000 Like, sometimes people cheat and they'll throw like two and three in.
00:21:03.000 Well, that's the cool thing about it.
00:21:05.000 It's almost like boxing.
00:21:07.000 That's the beauty of the roast battle show.
00:21:08.000 It's not only writing, it's also performance.
00:21:11.000 Especially in the finals, you can see where I do some crazy shit.
00:21:16.000 That's something I learned from Mike Lawrence in Season 1. Mike Lawrence, Season 1, he was one of the only guys to start the thank you, blah, blah, blah, and then go into the joke.
00:21:26.000 And then hit him again.
00:21:28.000 So it's fitting a rebuttal into your setup.
00:21:32.000 And then this season, I did something new where it was like, I knew that if people hit me with the looks-like joke, they were going to stop and wait for the laughter and then do the rest of their joke.
00:21:41.000 So in my mind, I was like, if I hit them quick with a better looks-like joke, it'll take the momentum out of that last joke, and now it just depends on this joke to create the momentum.
00:21:51.000 Right.
00:21:51.000 So it's like you're playing chess up there.
00:21:53.000 Yeah, it's like boxing.
00:21:54.000 Like, those looks-like jokes are just quick jabs, and then your big, big jokes are your fucking haymakers.
00:21:59.000 Right.
00:22:00.000 Yeah, there's some mean shit that gets said, too.
00:22:03.000 Oh, my God.
00:22:05.000 Like some soul-searing shit.
00:22:07.000 Like, you'll survive, but you will be scarred.
00:22:11.000 Oh, yeah.
00:22:11.000 You know, some people are really brutal, but fucking hilarious, too.
00:22:15.000 It's a weird art form.
00:22:17.000 It's a totally different thing.
00:22:18.000 You know, like, this whole roast battle thing is a totally different thing to regular stand-up, but regular stand-up is in it.
00:22:24.000 Oh, yeah, because you still have to like perform.
00:22:26.000 That's why like that last battle with me and Brouchard was so good because Brouchard is one of the funniest dudes I know.
00:22:32.000 He's a great writer, super cool dude, and an amazing rose battler.
00:22:35.000 But it's like when you're in that situation and there's just so much pressure because it's like you're getting made fun of, you have to memorize these jokes because they had us memorize the two guys we, the guy we're going against and the two possible winners of the other bracket.
00:22:49.000 Oh, and how much time did you have to write these bits?
00:22:52.000 So it was, I think, five days?
00:22:55.000 Five days you had to write five jokes, four jokes to the first guy, one possible over time, and then the finals was five jokes, one possible over time.
00:23:04.000 So six jokes.
00:23:05.000 So total you're writing 18, 20 jokes, not including your looks like or your quick rebuttals.
00:23:11.000 Holy shit.
00:23:12.000 That's a lot of work.
00:23:13.000 Yeah.
00:23:13.000 And are you taking, like, these five out of a pile of, like, 20 or 30?
00:23:18.000 Like, how many jokes are you actually writing before you narrow it down?
00:23:20.000 Well, usually, if it's, like, for the TV thing, like, it was, uh, they let us, like, I had my cut man, which is, like, my boy Dan Nolan.
00:23:27.000 He helps me with strategy.
00:23:28.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:23:29.000 That's what they did season one, too.
00:23:31.000 Well, that's what they want to do, because it's like, in the finals, they want it to be a great show.
00:23:34.000 So for me, it wasn't like he was writing me jokes.
00:23:36.000 It was like, we both sat down, and I wrote a bunch of premises and a bunch of angles, and we talked strategy.
00:23:41.000 And then we went from there, because it was like, if I'm going to make fun of Joe, I can't just be making so many gay jokes, because I'm going to get dinged for that.
00:23:47.000 But it's like, that's such a big characteristic of how he is and how he walks and just how he holds himself, that it's like, you can't not make jokes about that.
00:23:56.000 So it was like, if I make jokes about it, I have to be Silly, and it has to come from a childlike ignorance.
00:24:03.000 You know what I mean?
00:24:04.000 So I can't call him a faggot or something super mean or anything.
00:24:09.000 But I could say he loves butt stuff.
00:24:11.000 You know what I mean?
00:24:12.000 That's just funny and childlike.
00:24:14.000 I see what you're saying.
00:24:16.000 Yeah, like there's a tone that you have to set where you can't be too mean, even while you're saying really mean shit.
00:24:23.000 Exactly, because you can lose the crowd.
00:24:24.000 Yeah.
00:24:25.000 But if you can gain their trust to the point where you've said so many silly, funny things, that's where, at the end, you can really earn saying something terrible, as long as it's funny.
00:24:34.000 Now, is it weird to be doing these roast battles where you're writing all this new stuff every week, but then when you're doing stand-up, you're doing a lot of stuff that you've already done before?
00:24:45.000 Yeah, it is weird in the sense that it's like, it's making me realize that the different, like, that I can just, I can create new material.
00:24:54.000 You know what I mean?
00:24:54.000 Because especially in not high pressure situations, but it's like, if I give, if I have a goal or a set, a set time, like, I can write new material.
00:25:02.000 And now what I'm realizing is like, I can just do that with my standup.
00:25:05.000 If I can do that with Rose Battle, where I sit down and write all these jokes, I can do that with writing packets.
00:25:09.000 I can do that with my standup.
00:25:11.000 And it's just getting up and just doing it.
00:25:13.000 You know what I mean?
00:25:13.000 Yeah.
00:25:14.000 Where's that book?
00:25:20.000 Dude, this book is the shit.
00:25:22.000 People are getting mad at me now for suggesting this book so much.
00:25:26.000 But it's called The War of Arts by this guy Steven Pressfield.
00:25:29.000 And it's essentially about overcoming what he calls resistance, what most people call procrastination.
00:25:35.000 Oh, yeah.
00:25:36.000 You know, that overcoming this whatever it is that keeps you from actually putting in the work.
00:25:39.000 Oh, yeah, absolutely.
00:25:40.000 Yeah, and he talks about it and he sort of identifies it and then gives you tools to deal with it and explains how it affected him.
00:25:47.000 He was essentially just not doing well at all in his life till he was about 40. And then at 40, he kind of got his shit together and now he's just an award-winning author.
00:25:57.000 Written a bunch of great movies and a bunch of great books.
00:25:59.000 It's just very inspirational stuff.
00:26:02.000 But that's what I was kind of getting at.
00:26:04.000 It's like I think that now that you're in this new spot where everybody knows who you are, you won the roast battle, you got all this heat on you, it's like super important now to take all that writing to the next level.
00:26:15.000 Absolutely.
00:26:16.000 Like, I mean, I thought it was busy now, or before just grinding and writing these jokes.
00:26:20.000 Now it's like...
00:26:21.000 I walked into Levity and the manager knew me.
00:26:24.000 Everyone kind of knows who I am, in a sense.
00:26:26.000 Not that I'm like, oh, I'm famous.
00:26:28.000 They just know that I did this thing.
00:26:29.000 Well, there's a window.
00:26:31.000 Yeah, yes.
00:26:32.000 You've got to jump through that window.
00:26:33.000 Because some people miss that window, and it's weird.
00:26:36.000 You'll run into guys that were on Last Comic Standing a long time ago, and they had a window where things were happening for them.
00:26:42.000 And then...
00:26:44.000 It blew away, and they never capitalized.
00:26:46.000 They never jumped through it.
00:26:47.000 And there's some guys like Ralphie Mae who jumped through it running.
00:26:51.000 Ralphie Mae probably worked harder than anybody after that show.
00:26:54.000 He was cranking out DVDs, touring everywhere.
00:26:58.000 And he capitalized phenomenally on his time on the show.
00:27:02.000 But other people just did not.
00:27:03.000 They just never really got it cooking.
00:27:07.000 You're in a great spot right now.
00:27:11.000 Yeah, and that's, for me, it's like, I don't plan on stopping.
00:27:14.000 Like, I want to do as many sets as I can.
00:27:15.000 I'll do it.
00:27:16.000 I'll still do someone's quinceañera for 20 bucks.
00:27:18.000 Like, I'll do...
00:27:19.000 Will you really?
00:27:19.000 For 20?
00:27:19.000 Oh, yeah, man.
00:27:20.000 Get ready.
00:27:21.000 I'll do whatever, man.
00:27:22.000 It's just...
00:27:22.000 People are going to have a fake quinceañera just to have you over.
00:27:26.000 Get him for 20 bucks, man.
00:27:28.000 Guy won roast battle.
00:27:28.000 There's no Mexicans here.
00:27:31.000 Yeah, I mean, but it's just like, I mean, I just want to do stand-up.
00:27:34.000 That's my favorite thing.
00:27:35.000 Especially, like, I do, it does suck that I'm not going to be at the store as much working there, because that was one of my favorite things, was just sitting, working the door, and just watching all the comics go up.
00:27:44.000 Because I really believe the store is a comedy college.
00:27:47.000 Yeah, no, it definitely is, but you graduated from high school and now you're moving on into university life.
00:27:52.000 Oh, it's insane, man.
00:27:54.000 Yeah, it's cool.
00:27:54.000 It's really cool.
00:27:55.000 This store right now, I think, is a wonderful place for you to come back to when you're doing other shows and then start doing shows there as a paid regular, you know, once you showcase and get through.
00:28:07.000 I showcased once, and I can't wait to showcase again, but I think we were talking about this earlier.
00:28:12.000 A lot of people come up to me and ask me, are you going to be a paid regular?
00:28:16.000 It's one of those things where it's like, I want to, but I want it when I feel I've earned it and I deserve it.
00:28:21.000 I want to get it just because of something.
00:28:23.000 Yeah, dude, the funny shit that you wrote on Roast Battle, you could do that all day.
00:28:28.000 You could do that all day.
00:28:29.000 You could just, like, pick subjects.
00:28:30.000 You know, like Roast Trump.
00:28:32.000 Did you see that new thing that came out today?
00:28:35.000 I mean, not yesterday, that crazy rant that he went on?
00:28:38.000 That press conference for an hour and a half?
00:28:40.000 Dude, people that are friends of mine, that are conservatives, are scared.
00:28:46.000 Like, I have some buddies of mine that were like, dude, this ain't good.
00:28:49.000 Like, he seems unstable.
00:28:50.000 Oh, yeah.
00:28:51.000 He's going crazy.
00:28:52.000 My favorite are the people that look at it and they're just like, no, this is totally cool.
00:28:55.000 No, this is totally fine.
00:28:56.000 These people are out of their mind.
00:28:57.000 There was a reporter who, um, did you see that one reporter?
00:29:02.000 The Jewish reporter, when he tried to shut him down, told him to sit down.
00:29:05.000 No, no.
00:29:06.000 The reporter that, he was talking about what kind of a landslide he won the Electoral College by, and then it's the greatest landslide ever, and this guy was like, absolutely not.
00:29:17.000 He pulled out the stats?
00:29:18.000 Yeah, he pulled out the stats.
00:29:19.000 Everybody did better.
00:29:21.000 Obama did better.
00:29:22.000 George Herbert Walker did better.
00:29:24.000 George W. did better.
00:29:25.000 They all did better.
00:29:26.000 Yeah, I think it was the guy from CNN, and then he ended up calling CNN. He's like, ah, now I got a new name for him.
00:29:30.000 It's very fake news.
00:29:32.000 Interesting.
00:29:32.000 Well, I don't know if it's that guy.
00:29:34.000 It's on Patton Oswalt's Twitter page.
00:29:37.000 He retweeted it.
00:29:38.000 That someone said something about calling him out on his lies.
00:29:43.000 Because he says that he won by the biggest landslide ever, and then this other guy comes in.
00:29:48.000 Someone who's that overt with their ego, that's never been a part of the White House before.
00:29:55.000 It's so strange to see.
00:29:58.000 And I think that it seems like already that's wearing on him.
00:30:03.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:30:04.000 He looks like a crazy person.
00:30:05.000 You can see it.
00:30:07.000 He's unraveling.
00:30:08.000 You know what I mean?
00:30:09.000 And it's also like the people he's got around him, you know, they're not helping him at all.
00:30:15.000 Is that a blunt with tobacco on the outside?
00:30:17.000 Yes.
00:30:18.000 Oh, you son of a bitch.
00:30:19.000 I'm a big fan of blunts.
00:30:20.000 I only smoked these a couple of times, but Charlie Murphy got me on these.
00:30:24.000 Oh, man.
00:30:25.000 Growing up in San Jose, my cousins, all they did was smoke weed, and one of my cousins, it was like a thing with him, whenever I'd roll a blunt, he'd get mad at me if it wasn't as full as possible.
00:30:38.000 He'd get mad?
00:30:39.000 Yeah, he'd be like, dude, there's too much tobacco.
00:30:41.000 I wouldn't get mad, but he'd give me shit.
00:30:43.000 But you put tobacco inside, too?
00:30:45.000 No, no, no, no.
00:30:45.000 It's just the outside.
00:30:46.000 Oh, okay.
00:30:47.000 But it's just like, if you don't roll it fat enough...
00:30:49.000 I see what you're saying.
00:30:50.000 The tobacco leaf on the outside.
00:30:52.000 Now, what's really weird is those tobacco leafs are the...
00:30:57.000 That's the same leaf that's on cigars, but you don't inhale cigars.
00:31:01.000 But you inhale this.
00:31:02.000 So you get so fucked up from these things in a weird way.
00:31:05.000 It's a little bit of nicotine.
00:31:06.000 A lot of nicotine.
00:31:08.000 I can't.
00:31:09.000 There's a lot.
00:31:10.000 It's battling.
00:31:11.000 It's like stupidity and peace are battling together.
00:31:18.000 I love weed.
00:31:21.000 Weed's my favorite.
00:31:22.000 I remember when I had to tell my mom...
00:31:24.000 That you were a weed smoker?
00:31:25.000 Well, she found weed in my room.
00:31:29.000 Frank!
00:31:30.000 And then she told me, she was like...
00:31:31.000 Get over here, Frank!
00:31:32.000 Yeah, she was like, if I ever catch you smoking weed, she was like, I'm going to beat the shit out of you.
00:31:35.000 But then the second I turned 18, she was just like...
00:31:38.000 And then it started to become legal.
00:31:39.000 She was like the first person to try to get a card.
00:31:42.000 Really?
00:31:42.000 Yeah, my mom's a party animal.
00:31:45.000 Why was she worried about you?
00:31:47.000 Because when she was young, she did a lot of crazy stuff.
00:31:50.000 Oh, she was worried that you were going to ruin your life.
00:31:52.000 Yeah, she doesn't want me to get crazy.
00:31:55.000 Well, people always resist the idea that their children are going to become adults.
00:31:59.000 It bothers them.
00:32:00.000 And it bothers them that their children are going to face the same tests.
00:32:04.000 You know, when you become a parent, you realize, like, you think about all the stupid shit that you barely survived.
00:32:08.000 You're like, goddammit, like, what about my kids?
00:32:10.000 They're gonna have to make those same stupid mistakes?
00:32:13.000 And then, you know, people want a helicopter parent.
00:32:15.000 Nerf the world.
00:32:16.000 I'm good, dude.
00:32:18.000 Yeah, my mom, uh...
00:32:19.000 My mom loves me so much.
00:32:21.000 She just...
00:32:21.000 I mean, she's a mom.
00:32:22.000 She cares.
00:32:22.000 She had me when she was, like, 19, so...
00:32:25.000 When she was, um...
00:32:27.000 She just doesn't want me to turn out to be a bad guy.
00:32:29.000 Which, I mean, I think I'm not gonna be, you know?
00:32:31.000 Dude, you're a man.
00:32:32.000 You're done.
00:32:33.000 Exactly.
00:32:33.000 You made it through.
00:32:34.000 What is this?
00:32:35.000 Oh, yeah.
00:32:35.000 Okay, play this.
00:32:36.000 Because it's hilarious.
00:32:37.000 This is Trump saying something and then the reporter correcting him.
00:32:41.000 Listen to this.
00:32:46.000 Is it not going through?
00:32:48.000 Hmm.
00:32:53.000 We have a little bit of a sound.
00:32:55.000 Here it goes.
00:32:55.000 Bring it all the way back to the beginning.
00:32:57.000 ...306 electoral college votes.
00:33:00.000 I guess it was the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan.
00:33:06.000 You said today that you had the biggest electoral margin since Ronald Reagan with 304 or 306 electoral votes.
00:33:13.000 In fact, President Obama got 365 in 2008. President Obama, 332, and George H.W. Bush, 426. When he won as president.
00:33:25.000 So why should Americans trust you?
00:33:26.000 I was given that information.
00:33:28.000 I don't know.
00:33:28.000 I was just given.
00:33:29.000 We had a very, very big margin.
00:33:30.000 I guess my question is, why should Americans trust you when you accuse the information they receive of being fake when you're providing information with them?
00:33:37.000 Well, I don't know.
00:33:38.000 I was given that information.
00:33:40.000 Actually, I've seen that information around.
00:33:42.000 But it was a very substantial victory.
00:33:43.000 Do you agree with that?
00:33:46.000 Okay, thank you.
00:33:47.000 That's a good answer.
00:33:48.000 Yes.
00:33:48.000 This is craziness.
00:33:50.000 This is craziness.
00:33:51.000 Like, you saw him adjust in mid-sentence where he was like, I was talking about Republicans, and then it turns out this guy hit him with a bomb.
00:33:59.000 It's almost like he verbal boxed him.
00:34:00.000 Like, he set him up with that because he had Herbert Walker in his pocket.
00:34:03.000 He built up.
00:34:04.000 You know, he went Obama, and then he hits, he's like, well, I was talking about Republicans, and then he was like, look at this, George Herbert Walker, butch bitch!
00:34:13.000 Bam!
00:34:14.000 Boom!
00:34:14.000 Which was like, what is it, 455?
00:34:15.000 He won by a landslide.
00:34:17.000 Yeah.
00:34:18.000 Damn.
00:34:19.000 And then what did he do?
00:34:20.000 Poor fella.
00:34:20.000 What did Trump do?
00:34:21.000 He just goes, eh.
00:34:22.000 Yeah, it's just weird.
00:34:23.000 That's sort of the information I was given.
00:34:25.000 You want to know something funny?
00:34:28.000 When I did the roast battle, this is a great moment just for me as a Hispanic man.
00:34:34.000 I told that Barron Trump joke.
00:34:36.000 There was a joke I did, and it was right after the lady got fired from SNL. The joke I did was, and Dan Nolan was the one who wrote it, and he pushed me so hard to do it.
00:34:46.000 And I was like, I don't know if I can do it.
00:34:47.000 He's like, no man, you have to do this one.
00:34:49.000 And I was like, fine.
00:34:51.000 But it was, Anna could pass for a Trump.
00:34:55.000 She's got the body of Melania, the brains of Ivanka, and her womb is barren.
00:35:00.000 Oh shit.
00:35:01.000 It's just a play on words.
00:35:03.000 You know what I mean?
00:35:03.000 That's hilarious.
00:35:04.000 And it was just a good joke.
00:35:05.000 So mean.
00:35:06.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:35:07.000 She's not barren.
00:35:08.000 Anna's an amazing woman.
00:35:09.000 But it was just so funny because it was like the next day a conservative website wrote an article about it.
00:35:16.000 And the article was about how good the joke was.
00:35:19.000 Because they were like, this is how you don't write a joke.
00:35:22.000 Or this is swinging down against the president's son.
00:35:25.000 This is a great joke on playing words and this can get you to win.
00:35:28.000 And it was just so funny to see people look at that and be like, oh, okay, that's just a good joke.
00:35:32.000 It was really weird that intelligent people thought it was okay to attack his kid.
00:35:37.000 Yeah.
00:35:37.000 I mean, you should never just attack a person, especially a kid who doesn't, you know what I mean?
00:35:42.000 It's just weird.
00:35:42.000 It's weird that people make these, they just have these decisions they make like that.
00:35:47.000 Yeah.
00:35:47.000 It's okay because he's the kid of the enemy or something like that.
00:35:50.000 No.
00:35:51.000 It's just a little kid.
00:35:51.000 You gotta hold yourself to a higher standard.
00:35:53.000 That's why I was making that joke, I felt like it was a higher standard.
00:35:57.000 But that's good that you have that higher standard because I think we all recognize that base idea, that base instinct to attack someone's kid like that.
00:36:05.000 Yeah.
00:36:06.000 The best part, though, was after that, someone came up to me and they were just like, we don't want you to not make jokes.
00:36:14.000 We just want you, if you could please, you know, not mention Barron Trump anymore, that'd be great.
00:36:19.000 Yeah.
00:36:20.000 Don't make a habit of it.
00:36:22.000 Yeah, I was just like, I was like, no, I mean, I'm not gonna, but I was like, thanks.
00:36:24.000 I was like, oh, that feels cool that they told me to not do something.
00:36:27.000 I was like, oh, that's great.
00:36:28.000 Dude, you're a rebel.
00:36:29.000 Yeah.
00:36:30.000 But it's a really good joke.
00:36:31.000 As you said, it's a play on words.
00:36:33.000 It's not mean at all.
00:36:34.000 It's not mean at all.
00:36:35.000 Nor is it really a joke about him.
00:36:37.000 It's just his name.
00:36:38.000 It's a great joke.
00:36:39.000 It's a pretty flawless joke when it comes to that subject.
00:36:42.000 You've got all your bases covered.
00:36:44.000 That's walking right on the line.
00:36:46.000 Some people would just say you're crossed it, but I think they're wrong.
00:36:50.000 And I think that's a perfect point, because it's like you have to not make these jokes to find line, but it's like, as comedians, that's our job.
00:36:58.000 Right.
00:36:58.000 We gotta not push the boundaries and like say terrible things, but it's like you see a challenge You know see how finally you can walk that line When you see a guy like Trump going through this whatever he's going through right now Do you think that that's just the this is just total speculation?
00:37:15.000 Do you think that's the weight of all these people that are upset at him?
00:37:19.000 Do you think that's the magnitude of the job?
00:37:22.000 Do you think he this is just who he is?
00:37:25.000 I don't know if this is who he is.
00:37:27.000 I think he definitely, I think from what we can see, is he definitely stepped into a job he thought he could do, and now he's just like, oh, okay.
00:37:35.000 Because there's definitely sometimes where you watch him and you see him try to run it like a business, or the way he talks to people, where it's just like, oh, that's the way a boss would talk to someone he thinks is employed by him.
00:37:45.000 Yeah.
00:37:47.000 Boy, I think he's also going through the scrutiny of some of the smartest people in the world.
00:37:52.000 Yeah, man.
00:37:53.000 And I don't think he ever has been through that.
00:37:55.000 And I think he's gone through the scrutiny of the general public in an entertainment sense.
00:37:59.000 Yeah.
00:38:00.000 And in a sort of, you know, a cultural icon sense is the term of this billionaire, flamboyant character who puts his name on all these fabulous buildings and runs casinos and all that stuff.
00:38:11.000 I mean, that's how we thought of him.
00:38:12.000 He's like a bad Iron Man.
00:38:14.000 Well, he's Donald Trump.
00:38:17.000 You don't get to be that successful without some crazy drive to win.
00:38:23.000 And sometimes you get this Blinders sort of almost bullheaded determination forward and guys like that conquered worlds Yeah, you know, it's that's the real deal man.
00:38:36.000 I mean, that's really what it is that mindset that it's not always correct But it's somehow or another almost always prosperous.
00:38:44.000 Yes, and they can get through they can get through but I think A guy like that who's so business savvy and so is good at making money and some would argue, maybe you're right, maybe I'm wrong, you know, that he just invested his dad's money, I've heard all that, but he still made a lot of fucking money.
00:38:59.000 Yeah.
00:38:59.000 Right?
00:39:00.000 Maybe, you know, who knows how much.
00:39:03.000 I don't know how much money he made.
00:39:04.000 He's got money, that's for sure.
00:39:06.000 Rich as fuck.
00:39:06.000 Yeah.
00:39:07.000 And I feel like all throughout history, those guys that have done that have been like conquerors.
00:39:12.000 Yeah.
00:39:13.000 This is just, he's just getting to do it in business.
00:39:16.000 Yes.
00:39:16.000 You know?
00:39:17.000 Now he's trying to do it on a global scale.
00:39:19.000 But I think that that's almost like the mindset of those like super billionaire.
00:39:24.000 I mean, they have like conquerors genetics or something.
00:39:26.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:39:27.000 He's got a little bit of Alexander in him.
00:39:29.000 Yeah, but I think there's just humans like that.
00:39:32.000 But now those humans find themselves in business.
00:39:35.000 These super winner characters.
00:39:38.000 Fuck what you care about.
00:39:40.000 Fuck what you think.
00:39:42.000 We're going to do it my way.
00:39:43.000 Yeah.
00:39:44.000 Sometimes I feel like I have that drive too.
00:39:47.000 You know what I mean?
00:39:47.000 Where it's like now, especially where it's like I get that.
00:39:50.000 You know what I mean?
00:39:51.000 Like that drive where it's like, fuck it.
00:39:52.000 Let's just work hard and get this shit done.
00:39:55.000 Yeah, well, I don't know if that's what he's got.
00:39:57.000 I mean, I definitely think he's got some of that.
00:39:59.000 Yeah.
00:39:59.000 I mean, it's definitely misplaced in an odd direction.
00:40:02.000 Well, it's just under the scrutiny of all these insanely intelligent people now.
00:40:06.000 It's just really, really fascinating.
00:40:08.000 Like that reporter.
00:40:10.000 Like, that kind of interaction is a new thing to him.
00:40:13.000 Oh, yeah.
00:40:13.000 And it's just the way he communicates.
00:40:16.000 It's...
00:40:16.000 I don't think he's ever been in a situation where...
00:40:18.000 I think he's always been in a situation where he definitely feels and thinks he's like, I'm definitely the smartest person in the room right now.
00:40:25.000 But when you put up against someone that are more intelligent and also have their shit ready and their facts, he doesn't know how to handle that.
00:40:34.000 And then he just breaks down in a sense, which you just saw.
00:40:37.000 He changes his words and he...
00:40:40.000 It's really interesting from a psychological perspective.
00:40:43.000 You know, Howard Stern had a really fascinating take on it.
00:40:46.000 And his take on it was that Trump really wants to be loved, and it's a bad job for him because of that.
00:40:53.000 Oh, yeah.
00:40:54.000 Because as a president, there's no president that's ever been universally loved, I feel.
00:40:59.000 You know what I mean?
00:41:00.000 No way, man.
00:41:00.000 Every president, like, either people love you or people hate you.
00:41:04.000 Yeah, it's one or the other.
00:41:05.000 It's never like, I can live with him.
00:41:09.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:41:10.000 Some people were like, I could live with him with George W. after 9-11.
00:41:14.000 His approval rating went through the roof.
00:41:16.000 Remember that?
00:41:16.000 Yeah, I do.
00:41:17.000 Because he made us feel better.
00:41:19.000 He did.
00:41:20.000 We say, okay, well, when some shit goes down, this is the kind of guy you want there.
00:41:25.000 Some guy who gives a real good speech right afterwards, has his strong military backing, and go, okay, this is what we need right now.
00:41:33.000 Yeah.
00:41:33.000 And in a lot of ways, you know, that was what you need after some sort of a global crisis like that.
00:41:40.000 Exactly.
00:41:40.000 You need a leader.
00:41:43.000 Yeah.
00:41:44.000 So that was probably like the one time that I can remember.
00:41:47.000 And it wasn't that long before people had given up on them again.
00:41:50.000 You know?
00:41:50.000 After mission accomplished, maybe you know that?
00:41:53.000 That was like the beginning of the end.
00:41:54.000 Once they did that, they had a warship.
00:41:58.000 With a giant mission accomplished banner in the background and the war is, you know, goes on for another like seven years, right?
00:42:04.000 So funny.
00:42:05.000 When did the war end there?
00:42:08.000 How much later after that mission accomplished did the war actually end?
00:42:12.000 My favorite is there was a dude whose job it was to go get that printed up.
00:42:15.000 Oh my god.
00:42:16.000 He probably was just staring at it like...
00:42:17.000 That's so insane.
00:42:19.000 Someone talked to him and they said, Sir, it's over.
00:42:21.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:42:22.000 Beautiful.
00:42:22.000 Perfect.
00:42:23.000 Put up the flag.
00:42:24.000 Let's do this.
00:42:25.000 Put up the banner.
00:42:26.000 Yeah, look at that.
00:42:27.000 Mission accomplished.
00:42:29.000 That seems like a scene in a movie, doesn't it?
00:42:33.000 Yeah, man.
00:42:33.000 When you look at that photo, it's like, is that real?
00:42:36.000 Is that really what happened?
00:42:39.000 Folks, as you get older, and you see this thing going on, you see these people, and you see the presidents, and you see the White House and Congress, and you realize, after a while, oh, these are all just people.
00:42:53.000 These are all just people.
00:42:54.000 Human beings.
00:42:55.000 And they're entrapped in this system that they've constructed in order to dictate where they go, when they go, how much they get, and how they can live.
00:43:07.000 I mean, that's really what it is.
00:43:08.000 It's a series of laws that the general idea is that they're there to protect you and your interest.
00:43:16.000 But in a lot of ways, not really.
00:43:18.000 No, we just trust it.
00:43:18.000 It's just a system.
00:43:20.000 Yeah.
00:43:20.000 A system of control that we all agree to.
00:43:22.000 Yeah, man.
00:43:23.000 You know?
00:43:24.000 I think it's so funny because the more stuff that happens with him and then just seeing everything, the more and more I'm just like, this isn't real.
00:43:31.000 This has to be a joke.
00:43:33.000 Yeah.
00:43:34.000 It doesn't feel real.
00:43:36.000 But it never did.
00:43:38.000 It feels less and less real with time, though.
00:43:40.000 It does.
00:43:41.000 I mean, you always make those jokes where we're in a simulation.
00:43:44.000 Yeah.
00:43:45.000 And there's many a day where I'll just, especially going on the road with you, just being here, just anywhere, I'm just like, oh, if this was a simulation, this is definitely the simulation I'd be playing.
00:43:54.000 Yeah.
00:43:54.000 It seems like this is a fun one to play.
00:43:57.000 It seems like there's a lot of game elements in it.
00:44:00.000 Mm-hmm.
00:44:00.000 It seems like there's good decisions, bad decisions, repercussions for each.
00:44:04.000 It's insane.
00:44:07.000 Yeah, it's a weird, weird world that you live in when a popular person wins the popularity contest for the first time.
00:44:16.000 Yeah.
00:44:16.000 Like someone who decides that they're going to run things.
00:44:20.000 There's never been a guy like Trump who's run a country like that.
00:44:24.000 He just became a really popular person and then just took over the country.
00:44:29.000 Fascinating.
00:44:29.000 Absolutely insane.
00:44:30.000 My favorite are just the people that follow him.
00:44:32.000 I love just watching them and talking to them.
00:44:36.000 Some people are happy that there's chaos.
00:44:38.000 Make no mistake about that.
00:44:39.000 There's some people that are happy that he's in there because they think that the system...
00:44:43.000 That was in place was insanely corrupt, and I think they're right.
00:44:45.000 Me too.
00:44:46.000 And they're banking on him being the solution to that, you know, because of his business savvy.
00:44:53.000 I don't understand politics or finances enough to know if they're right.
00:44:57.000 I don't.
00:44:58.000 But I know that, like, culturally, it's weird.
00:45:01.000 The whole thing is weird.
00:45:02.000 I feel like you know the difference between right and wrong.
00:45:05.000 Yeah, I would hope so.
00:45:07.000 You know, I think it's an impossible job.
00:45:11.000 Oh, yeah.
00:45:12.000 I really do.
00:45:13.000 I think we should phase it out.
00:45:15.000 I think we should figure out how to get a large group of people.
00:45:18.000 You know, and I think you could go as many as like a dozen and have these people work it out.
00:45:25.000 Like really smart people.
00:45:27.000 Yeah.
00:45:28.000 All scientists?
00:45:29.000 No.
00:45:29.000 Different disciplines.
00:45:31.000 I think you'd have to have people from the medical profession.
00:45:33.000 You'd have to have people from the scientific communities.
00:45:38.000 Biology, astrophysics.
00:45:39.000 You'd have to have people that are predicting, like, what's going on with asteroids?
00:45:43.000 Are we cool?
00:45:43.000 Is everything cool?
00:45:44.000 Or should we just fuck it, do whatever we want, because we're going to get hit by a giant rock 40 miles wide in 10 years?
00:45:53.000 Should we just chill?
00:45:54.000 What do we do?
00:45:54.000 Yeah, I need people smarter than me to fucking decide stuff like that.
00:45:58.000 Because it's one of those things where it's like, I'm an idiot, but I'm also pretty kind of well-versed on a lot of things.
00:46:04.000 Yeah.
00:46:04.000 Yeah.
00:46:05.000 But, I mean, I don't know anything about finances.
00:46:08.000 I mean, I like to think I know a little bit about politics.
00:46:10.000 But, I mean, if there's a group of scientists and people that are really, you know, designing, I'd much rather have that than one dude who's not a big fan of a certain amount of people.
00:46:20.000 Yeah, I'm exactly like that.
00:46:22.000 I don't know shit about politics.
00:46:24.000 But I do know, and I talk about it.
00:46:27.000 People, you shouldn't talk about something you don't should.
00:46:29.000 I'm not even going to study that crazy system.
00:46:32.000 I think it's ridiculous.
00:46:33.000 I think you can kiss my ass.
00:46:35.000 People are allowed to give you money, and then you do things that they want you to do?
00:46:38.000 Yeah.
00:46:38.000 They donate money to you, and then you make decisions that benefit them?
00:46:42.000 For real?
00:46:43.000 Yeah.
00:46:43.000 Fuck you.
00:46:44.000 I don't need to be smart to know that that seems a little bit fucking weird.
00:46:48.000 That system's crazy.
00:46:49.000 It's just old as fuck, and that's how they had to do it in the 1700s, okay?
00:46:52.000 Exactly.
00:46:52.000 It's 2017. We could come up with a better system than this.
00:46:55.000 Yeah.
00:46:56.000 Across the board, you know?
00:46:58.000 Like, everyone's tripping about the immigration, which they're deporting illegals and stuff.
00:47:04.000 They really are, huh?
00:47:05.000 Yeah.
00:47:06.000 So is it more than they used to deport people?
00:47:08.000 No.
00:47:08.000 Because how much did they used to deport people?
00:47:09.000 They're still deporting regular amounts of people, from what I understand, from what I've looked at.
00:47:13.000 But the thing that I'm worried about and that worries me is that it's like...
00:47:17.000 There's certain people that obviously are illegal here and are getting sent back.
00:47:22.000 Not all of them, but just the fact that there's some that are getting sent back that are American concerns me.
00:47:28.000 Yeah, and there's some that are really cool as fuck.
00:47:30.000 Because, I mean, I have family members that are real fucking cool as fuck.
00:47:33.000 Yeah, there's a lot of really nice people.
00:47:35.000 I make this joke now where it's like I joke about losing my ID and how that's going to be a big problem for me now.
00:47:42.000 It's like if I get stopped and then I have to convince this dude that I'm American, you know what I mean?
00:47:46.000 A lot of people that hear me say that joke are like, ah, that's not real, that's stupid, that's dumb fear.
00:47:51.000 It's like you can just talk to them.
00:47:52.000 It's like, yeah, maybe, but what if that guy's having a fucking bad day?
00:47:57.000 And also, don't you think like every other Mexican that gets caught in that is going to be trying to give the exact same speech I am?
00:48:03.000 Yeah, 100%, man.
00:48:05.000 It's weird because they're really only targeting Mexicans around California.
00:48:09.000 You're not going to deport Canadians, hot blonde Canadians, hot blonde girl from Vancouver.
00:48:14.000 You're going to send her home?
00:48:16.000 Yeah.
00:48:16.000 Get the fuck out of here.
00:48:17.000 Exactly.
00:48:17.000 They're only targeting Mexicans, right?
00:48:19.000 I would assume.
00:48:20.000 White people are going crazy right now.
00:48:22.000 Oh, dude.
00:48:22.000 Logan doesn't know shit about immigration.
00:48:24.000 They're taking our jobs.
00:48:25.000 It is my favorite.
00:48:26.000 You fucking liberal.
00:48:28.000 Limousine liberal.
00:48:29.000 My favorite, too, is that it's like, you know, I talk about these things and stuff in a very joking manner, but these are real problems certain people are having.
00:48:36.000 And I went to a small show, and it was in a house, and it was just a lot of, like, white chicks, white guys, which is fine, you know what I mean?
00:48:43.000 But I could just see some of them start to get uncomfortable with the things I was saying.
00:48:46.000 But it's like, you know what?
00:48:47.000 That's fine.
00:48:48.000 Build that wall.
00:48:49.000 Build that wall.
00:48:51.000 I just feel like one day, that's not going to be real.
00:48:56.000 No, I don't think the wall is going to be ruled.
00:48:57.000 I don't think there's going to be, and I don't think this is a great idea, like a new world order idea, like one government to rule the world.
00:49:08.000 But I think it would be really nice if people could go wherever the fuck they want.
00:49:12.000 I just feel like this idea that you can, like, legally restrict people's movement based on patches of dirt they were shit out onto is pretty ridiculous.
00:49:21.000 It just seems like that's gonna go away.
00:49:23.000 If it doesn't go away a hundred years from now, it's gonna go away a thousand years from now.
00:49:27.000 It's preposterous.
00:49:28.000 It's like, what's the point?
00:49:29.000 I mean, whenever I talk to people about the immigration thing, people always...
00:49:32.000 And I respect people's opinions.
00:49:34.000 I'll listen and I'm willing to learn and, like, I'll...
00:49:37.000 Listen to what you have to say, and if it's terrible, I'll probably make fun of you a little bit.
00:49:40.000 That's just how I deal with things.
00:49:42.000 But it's like California used to be a part of Mexico.
00:49:47.000 Yeah.
00:49:47.000 If you look at the history books- Did we buy it?
00:49:49.000 No, it was- I shouldn't say we.
00:49:51.000 Did I throw myself into white people even though my parents were all immigrants?
00:49:54.000 We're all immigrants.
00:49:55.000 The colonists.
00:49:56.000 Yeah.
00:49:57.000 But it was...
00:49:58.000 Isn't that funny, though?
00:49:59.000 People do do that.
00:50:00.000 Like I said, you know, we.
00:50:01.000 I would say we.
00:50:02.000 Like, hey, well, we killed all the Indians.
00:50:03.000 No, I don't have a bitch.
00:50:05.000 There's zero direct connection to me and ending Indian deaths.
00:50:08.000 Oh, yeah.
00:50:09.000 Absolutely.
00:50:09.000 But, you know, they'll say, we did it.
00:50:11.000 Yeah.
00:50:11.000 You know, when we came here, we pushed out the Native Americans.
00:50:13.000 Like, wait, what is this we shit?
00:50:15.000 And it's funny that they say pushed out.
00:50:17.000 You know what I mean?
00:50:17.000 It's like, no, it was...
00:50:18.000 Pushed out's a very nice term to what we did to them.
00:50:23.000 I said it, too.
00:50:25.000 Yeah, but it's that we thing.
00:50:26.000 It's supernatural.
00:50:28.000 It's super easy to get locked up into little tribes.
00:50:30.000 We just gotta give it up.
00:50:32.000 Yeah.
00:50:32.000 We gotta give it up.
00:50:33.000 It's stupid.
00:50:33.000 It is.
00:50:34.000 It's old and dumb.
00:50:35.000 It's so dumb.
00:50:36.000 It's fine for teams.
00:50:37.000 Yes.
00:50:38.000 You wanna play sports?
00:50:38.000 It's awesome.
00:50:39.000 Cleveland's gonna take on LA. We gotta fuckin' go there and represent.
00:50:43.000 We need a big asteroid to fucking unify everybody.
00:50:46.000 It would do that.
00:50:47.000 It definitely would.
00:50:48.000 I saw what 9-11 did to New Yorkers.
00:50:51.000 I guarantee you, if we had some sort of a mega disaster, the people that survived would be nicer to each other.
00:50:57.000 And they would realize how fortunate we are.
00:50:59.000 We've been in a time of peace for so long that we can't intellectualize.
00:51:06.000 We can't, in a conscious sense...
00:51:09.000 Wrap our head around the fact that at any moment there could be a 45,000 mile an hour chunk of rock that slams into us.
00:51:19.000 Yeah.
00:51:20.000 That can happen at any time.
00:51:21.000 We all think we're invincible.
00:51:22.000 Dude, those are scary.
00:51:25.000 There's supposed to be like 900,000 near-earth objects between us and Jupiter.
00:51:31.000 Oh, yeah.
00:51:32.000 It's crazy.
00:51:32.000 Is that right?
00:51:33.000 Yeah.
00:51:36.000 I hope I'm wrong about that, but it's something scary like that.
00:51:40.000 It's some insane number.
00:51:41.000 Tyson put up a diagram of the Earth and just the solar system.
00:51:46.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson.
00:51:47.000 Yeah.
00:51:47.000 I think you should be real clear.
00:51:49.000 Well, I mean, that's the only Tyson I know.
00:51:50.000 No, I'm just kidding.
00:51:52.000 I'm sorry, what did he put up?
00:51:54.000 He posted, it was on his Instagram, it was just a diagram of the solar system rotating, but then it showed, because we're technically flying through the universe, and then it shows just a group of us, just all...
00:52:07.000 And the moment that I realized that we're not stationary, and that we're actually just moving through the universe, my head fucking exploded.
00:52:14.000 Oh, it's crazy.
00:52:16.000 Yeah, that graphic is beautiful.
00:52:18.000 You realize it's taking a long time for it to make that motion.
00:52:22.000 You're looking at it over millions and billions of years, but that is what it's doing.
00:52:27.000 Yeah.
00:52:28.000 Our world is spinning around a giant nuclear explosion that's hurling toward something.
00:52:37.000 What it looks like is if someone launched some sort of a nuclear bullet, and we're looking at it In slow motion.
00:52:45.000 It's crazy.
00:52:46.000 Like if a gun launched a sun bullet.
00:52:49.000 I mean, that's what we're looking at.
00:52:50.000 It's just our version of time is so, so brief that we can't appreciate that this thing is in motion because its motion requires billions of years to complete.
00:53:06.000 So it's literally like a bullet getting shot through the cannon and all those things around it are particles.
00:53:13.000 That are sort of connected to it, like little fragments of it as it hurls through infinity.
00:53:18.000 That's us!
00:53:19.000 We're just a speck in the history...
00:53:21.000 I remember when I was in class and they...
00:53:23.000 That it was like, in the time of history...
00:53:26.000 In the time of the universe, humanity is just a second.
00:53:30.000 Yeah, it's not even that.
00:53:32.000 It's nothing.
00:53:33.000 It's nothing.
00:53:33.000 We're just a little tiny thing.
00:53:35.000 How many more near-earth objects?
00:53:37.000 Okay.
00:53:40.000 15,629 near-Earth objects have been discovered.
00:53:44.000 Some 876 of those are asteroids with a diameter of approximately one kilometer or larger.
00:53:51.000 1,700 potentially hazardous?
00:53:55.000 1,785 of these near-Earth objects have been classified as potentially hazardous asteroids, or PHAs.
00:54:05.000 Jesus Christ, you know when they have just three letters?
00:54:08.000 It's serious.
00:54:09.000 They broke it down.
00:54:11.000 Potentially hazardous asteroids, 1785. I was thinking of just last night, I was talking with my friend.
00:54:19.000 What if one doesn't hit Earth but crashes into the moon and just fucks up the moon?
00:54:23.000 Oh yeah, it's not good.
00:54:24.000 That's not good either, right?
00:54:25.000 It's all bad.
00:54:26.000 It's all bad.
00:54:28.000 There's some people who think the moon's a hologram.
00:54:30.000 It's definitely not real.
00:54:32.000 There was one that slammed into Jupiter that the explosion it created was so big, I believe it was almost the size of the Earth itself.
00:54:42.000 Oh my god, that's crazy.
00:54:44.000 Yeah.
00:54:45.000 Well, Jupiter apparently is the reason why we are alive.
00:54:49.000 Because Jupiter is so massive that it draws everything.
00:54:52.000 It's like our protector.
00:54:54.000 It's like our guard dog.
00:54:56.000 Look at this.
00:54:57.000 Look at the fucking impact.
00:54:58.000 Watch this impact.
00:54:59.000 It is the craziest shit.
00:55:01.000 Look at that.
00:55:01.000 Boom.
00:55:02.000 That's an asteroidal impact on Jupiter.
00:55:06.000 It was the size of Earth.
00:55:07.000 It was the size of Earth.
00:55:08.000 What in the fuck, man?
00:55:10.000 What in the fuck?
00:55:11.000 The size of the whole Earth?
00:55:15.000 Explosion the size of everything on this planet.
00:55:19.000 Get the fuck out of here.
00:55:20.000 That's so insane!
00:55:22.000 That's one of those moments, you can't even, like, if that happened here on Earth, you couldn't run from it.
00:55:26.000 That's just one of those moments where you look at it and you're like, this is gonna happen.
00:55:30.000 Well, you know, that's what they say Earth is.
00:55:32.000 That Earth is Earth 2. And that there was an Earth 1. And Earth 1 got hit by another planet.
00:55:38.000 And that's what created the moon.
00:55:39.000 Yeah.
00:55:40.000 That's like, I think that's the most current theory of how the Earth and the moon were formed and why they're so close to each other.
00:55:48.000 Yeah, there's a great diagram of an asteroid hitting Earth-1, is what they described it as, and then it just shows how it would spin off and just a piece of it.
00:55:57.000 So there's a good diagram of how that's a pretty great theory.
00:56:00.000 Now, does the moon...
00:56:02.000 It's interesting.
00:56:03.000 The moon doesn't spin the way the Earth spins, right?
00:56:05.000 It has a different spin.
00:56:07.000 It spins around us, but does it spin on its axis as well?
00:56:13.000 Is that a stupid question?
00:56:15.000 Probably, right?
00:56:18.000 I just don't understand gravity, so I should probably shut the fuck up.
00:56:23.000 The moon orbits Earth once every 27.322 days.
00:56:27.000 It takes approximately 27 days for the moon to rotate on its axis.
00:56:31.000 As a result, the moon does not seem to be spinning, but appears to observers from the Earth to be almost perfectly still.
00:56:39.000 Scientists call this synchronous rotation.
00:56:41.000 Ah, fascinating.
00:56:44.000 Wow, that's fucking cool.
00:56:45.000 Oh, so we're both spinning?
00:56:48.000 Dude.
00:56:49.000 It's just the way we spin and the way it spins appears to us that it's not spinning.
00:56:55.000 Oh, that's nuts.
00:56:56.000 That's amazing.
00:56:58.000 Dude, the moon is a fucking crazy thing.
00:57:00.000 There's something one quarter the size of us.
00:57:02.000 It's dead as fuck.
00:57:03.000 And it's just floating in the sky.
00:57:05.000 It's like having a dead body next to your house that you never talk about.
00:57:08.000 But you just look at it occasionally.
00:57:10.000 You just look at it on your way to school.
00:57:11.000 There's some dude who's got a skeleton on a bench.
00:57:14.000 He's just sitting there like, that's what we could be!
00:57:17.000 We could easily be that stupid fucking moon floating into the universe would not give a shit.
00:57:23.000 No, the universe doesn't care.
00:57:24.000 The universe does not give a fuck if there's water in Arizona.
00:57:26.000 It doesn't care.
00:57:28.000 My favorite is just seeing the moon during the day, and you're just like, oh wow, that's trippy, but really fucking cool.
00:57:33.000 It is so important to have people smarter than us out there so we can find this out.
00:57:37.000 Can you imagine if you and I had to figure out what was going on?
00:57:40.000 Oh, we'd be fucking dumb.
00:57:42.000 We'd be done.
00:57:43.000 I'd just be making fun of stuff.
00:57:45.000 Here, they're showing how it works here.
00:57:49.000 How as the moon spins, every part of it is essentially the same part.
00:57:59.000 That's kind of fascinating.
00:58:00.000 So the way the earth spins, the way the moon spins, it rotates at such a synchronous order that it looks like it's not spinning.
00:58:07.000 That's beautiful.
00:58:08.000 See, science is just such a fucking incredible thing, that someone could figure that out, and they could tell you, and then you don't have to figure it out on your own.
00:58:15.000 No.
00:58:15.000 Because there's too much work involved.
00:58:17.000 Can you imagine?
00:58:18.000 If you had to figure out, what is nuclear physics?
00:58:20.000 What's an atom?
00:58:23.000 On your own?
00:58:24.000 No.
00:58:25.000 It's the weirdest thing about people.
00:58:26.000 We all act collectively, whether we know it or not.
00:58:29.000 We all act collectively.
00:58:30.000 And without that, I feel like I have a booger on my nose, do I? No, you're good.
00:58:34.000 Why is that so embarrassing?
00:58:36.000 Because everybody has boogers, right?
00:58:38.000 If you don't have a booger, something's probably wrong with your nose.
00:58:40.000 But to have one, it goes back to like childhood.
00:58:44.000 Yeah, you got a boogie!
00:58:45.000 Yeah, like you catch your kids picking their nose.
00:58:47.000 Hey, get out of there.
00:58:48.000 Stop digging in there.
00:58:50.000 That's a good feeling.
00:58:51.000 It's a very embarrassing good feeling of picking out a booger.
00:58:54.000 Oh, it's so satisfying.
00:58:55.000 Yeah, dude.
00:58:56.000 You ever watch someone do it in traffic?
00:58:58.000 I have.
00:58:59.000 Sure.
00:59:00.000 It's the best.
00:59:00.000 No one's looking.
00:59:01.000 You're just going at it.
00:59:02.000 I had my nose fixed.
00:59:03.000 I had a deviated septum.
00:59:05.000 And after I had my nose fixed, I was blowing out the most disgusting blood boogers.
00:59:14.000 Because it was all like scabs and blood.
00:59:17.000 And I would blow it out and it would be giant, dude.
00:59:20.000 Giant.
00:59:21.000 Like the size of a thumb.
00:59:22.000 Jesus.
00:59:23.000 Yeah, it was crazy.
00:59:24.000 I showed it to Tom Segura once.
00:59:26.000 We were at the airport.
00:59:27.000 And I blew my nose into a tissue and I go, dude, you gotta look at this.
00:59:31.000 And he looked at me and he drived.
00:59:36.000 He appreciated it though, right?
00:59:38.000 He really had a hard time looking at it, man.
00:59:41.000 That's my favorite, just grossing out your friends.
00:59:43.000 Yeah, but that's one thing that Fear Factor killed dead in me.
00:59:46.000 Oh, gross shit?
00:59:47.000 Yeah, that's one of them right there.
00:59:49.000 Oh, wow!
00:59:50.000 Yeah, that came out of my nose, son.
00:59:51.000 Jesus!
00:59:52.000 Yeah, that was real.
00:59:53.000 I feel like you could name it.
00:59:54.000 It was giant.
00:59:55.000 I was like, that doesn't even make sense.
00:59:58.000 Um, I know I'm disgusting.
00:59:59.000 I showed you a booger.
01:00:00.000 But it's more blood than it is a booger.
01:00:02.000 I used to surf and I was bad at it.
01:00:05.000 So I would get knocked underwater all the time.
01:00:07.000 Oh no.
01:00:07.000 I remember the first time I ever went, I didn't realize it.
01:00:10.000 It's like when you're constantly surfing, you get water shoved up your nose all the time.
01:00:14.000 So like there's just a moment where you'll be out doing something and it'll all just release because the pressure's gone.
01:00:20.000 So I remember I was like, I don't know if I was like talking to my girlfriend or something, but I was just talking to someone and then just all of a sudden it just released.
01:00:26.000 And I'm just talking to them and just salt water all over my face.
01:00:30.000 Whoa.
01:00:30.000 Just disgusting.
01:00:31.000 That is disgusting.
01:00:34.000 Dude, asteroids are freaking me the fuck out right now.
01:00:38.000 We shouldn't have brought that up.
01:00:40.000 That's one thing that could just change everything.
01:00:43.000 Yeah.
01:00:43.000 And they happen all the time.
01:00:45.000 Like, we just missed one.
01:00:46.000 One came between us and the moon, didn't it?
01:00:50.000 Wasn't there one that, like, recently came between us and the moon?
01:00:53.000 Or Trump's gonna build a wall.
01:00:54.000 Or it's about to?
01:00:55.000 Yeah, I think...
01:00:56.000 See if you can find out what that is.
01:00:58.000 By the way, let's go champ.
01:01:00.000 Everyone calls me that now when I walk around.
01:01:01.000 Let's go champ?
01:01:02.000 No, just champ.
01:01:03.000 It's such a great feeling.
01:01:04.000 It's so stupid, too.
01:01:06.000 Like, I'll go to open mics and just be like, champ, champ.
01:01:08.000 I'm just like, ah, that feels...
01:01:08.000 Do you know who Shannon the Cannon Briggs is?
01:01:11.000 Heavyweight boxer with a hilarious Instagram.
01:01:14.000 I had him on the podcast.
01:01:15.000 Let's Go Champ!
01:01:15.000 Yeah, that's him.
01:01:16.000 Let's Go Champ.
01:01:17.000 That's where the hat comes from.
01:01:19.000 This is an authentic Let's Go Champ hat from the source.
01:01:22.000 Oh my god, that's the best.
01:01:23.000 I felt it appropriate to wear in your presence, sir, since you are now the Rose Battle Champ.
01:01:28.000 One happened January 9th.
01:01:30.000 January 9th.
01:01:31.000 Jesus Christ, it was last month, people.
01:01:33.000 That's insane.
01:01:34.000 Oh, that's so scary.
01:01:36.000 We're in a goddamn shooting zone.
01:01:39.000 We're in like a shooting gallery.
01:01:41.000 Isn't that what Randall Carlson was saying?
01:01:44.000 Isn't that how he described it?
01:01:46.000 We really are.
01:01:47.000 He's right.
01:01:48.000 There's a bunch of shit out there.
01:01:50.000 It's 1,700 and something or another.
01:01:54.000 That could kill us.
01:01:55.000 Asteroid came within the half a distance from Earth to the moon, flying through cislunar space.
01:02:02.000 What is cislunar?
01:02:03.000 Is that like the sex it was born with?
01:02:06.000 Yeah, it's not a...
01:02:07.000 Yeah, because that's cisgender.
01:02:09.000 Does cislunar...
01:02:10.000 Is that connected to cis...
01:02:12.000 Fucking idiot.
01:02:13.000 Don't even know what the sir prefix is.
01:02:15.000 What is the cis...
01:02:18.000 What is the cis prefix?
01:02:19.000 What does that really mean?
01:02:20.000 There's someone online right now just screaming at us.
01:02:22.000 You fucking idiots shouldn't talk about space!
01:02:26.000 Cislunar space this morning.
01:02:27.000 Scientists at the Catalina Sky Survey discovered the asteroid, which is being called Asteroid 2017-AG13 on Saturday.
01:02:36.000 Discovered it on Saturday!
01:02:39.000 Jesus.
01:02:39.000 They discovered it on Saturday?
01:02:41.000 Is that what they're saying?
01:02:42.000 I think so, yeah.
01:02:43.000 Oh, my God.
01:02:44.000 50 to 111 feet across was moving at about 10 miles per second.
01:02:51.000 Oh, my Jesus!
01:02:52.000 10 miles per second!
01:02:54.000 With the same size as the asteroid that hit Russia in 2013, the size of the asteroid coupled with how fast it was moving and how low its albedo brightness made it difficult to view through a telescope.
01:03:06.000 Jesus!
01:03:06.000 Jesus fucking Christ!
01:03:09.000 They can't see it.
01:03:10.000 It's dark and they can't see it.
01:03:12.000 It's so fast they couldn't see it.
01:03:16.000 That's insane to me.
01:03:17.000 Would you rather be on the asteroid or on the Earth?
01:03:23.000 You want to be right under where it hits.
01:03:25.000 You don't want to survive.
01:03:27.000 You don't want to be eating people.
01:03:29.000 You just don't want that to go down.
01:03:32.000 You don't want to get to that spot where you're eating people.
01:03:35.000 Because that's where it goes.
01:03:37.000 It's where it goes.
01:03:38.000 When it gets down to almost everyone's dead.
01:03:41.000 And there's almost no life.
01:03:43.000 And there's almost no food.
01:03:44.000 And there's just...
01:03:44.000 All you need is one or two aggressive, mean assholes.
01:03:48.000 And next thing you know, you justify some shit.
01:03:50.000 And you're on an episode of The Walking Dead.
01:03:52.000 Asteroid buzzed Earth and Moon January 25th.
01:03:56.000 What is it?
01:03:56.000 It's another one.
01:03:57.000 Another one?
01:03:58.000 This is a different one.
01:03:59.000 Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
01:04:00.000 He's gonna terrify Joe today.
01:04:01.000 This is the January 25th one, so the other one was January 6th?
01:04:04.000 Is that what it was?
01:04:05.000 7th?
01:04:06.000 On the 7th or 8th, I think so.
01:04:07.000 Oh my God.
01:04:08.000 We're tripping about walls, man.
01:04:09.000 We ain't tripping about fucking asteroids.
01:04:10.000 Oh my God.
01:04:11.000 They only found this one on the 20th.
01:04:13.000 It passed between Earth and the Moon late Tuesday night, according to the clocks in the Americas.
01:04:18.000 The asteroid's closest approach was 1145 Eastern Time on January 24th, 2017. It came within, I don't know what that means, 0.68 lunar distances.
01:04:30.000 Whoops.
01:04:31.000 Goddamn pop-up windows.
01:04:33.000 0.68 lunar distances, about 162,252 miles away.
01:04:40.000 SLU broadcast a show about this asteroid last night, which you can see in the video above.
01:04:45.000 And what website is this?
01:04:47.000 Earthsky.org, but most of this information keeps coming from SLU, which is an observatory.
01:04:53.000 Thank God those guys are watching to see death coming with not a goddamn thing we can do about it.
01:04:58.000 Do you think they tell...
01:04:58.000 Do you think they...
01:04:59.000 If an asteroid's gonna hit Earth, do you think they tell Trump?
01:05:03.000 I don't know!
01:05:03.000 I don't know what you do!
01:05:04.000 What do you do if you know everybody's dead?
01:05:06.000 Yeah, do you think he tells us?
01:05:09.000 Not even it doesn't have to be Trump, but do you think if you're the president and you find out the world's going to end because of an asteroid, do you tell everybody?
01:05:15.000 Well, no one wants to feel completely, totally helpless.
01:05:18.000 Yeah.
01:05:18.000 But we absolutely are.
01:05:20.000 We've been hit by planets, you fucks.
01:05:21.000 We could get hit by a goddamn planet.
01:05:23.000 Well, I don't know if you guys know this, but they think there's another fucking planet at the end of our solar system now.
01:05:30.000 They don't know where it is, but they think it's six times bigger than the Earth.
01:05:34.000 I've actually heard that.
01:05:35.000 You can't see it.
01:05:36.000 Yeah, because of the shadows.
01:05:38.000 This thing's crazy!
01:05:40.000 This universe is crazy!
01:05:42.000 There's rogue planets.
01:05:43.000 Rogue planets go flying around and slam into other planets like billiard balls.
01:05:47.000 Didn't they find a planet that they think is literally just a diamond?
01:05:53.000 Dude, I was I was high as fuck once and I went outside it was foggy and The moon was full and it was foggy and so it was this crazy illusion like there was a Enormous moon flying in the sky.
01:06:08.000 Oh enormous moon like many many times larger than the moon itself Like it was almost like another planet like just hovering right over us because the glow of the moon I remember looking at that man and thinking to myself That could be another reality.
01:06:25.000 There could be another planet somewhere out there in the universe that is looking up at this gigantic thing that's like another planet just floating right above you.
01:06:36.000 And they're everywhere.
01:06:38.000 They're everywhere.
01:06:39.000 They keep finding new ones.
01:06:40.000 Which is just flying through this huge storm of planets and nuclear explosions.
01:06:47.000 Fuck, man!
01:06:48.000 That's crazier than anything That we ever contemplate on this earth while we're alive.
01:06:55.000 Just the very nature of space itself.
01:06:58.000 I think there's a diagram of the biggest sun, the biggest star they've found in the universe, and then they compare it to our current sun.
01:07:05.000 Oh, it's insane.
01:07:06.000 And it's just unfathomably big.
01:07:09.000 It's insane.
01:07:10.000 One of the cool, I guess it's a demo, it's an application on the VR thing I've got, on the HTC Vive.
01:07:17.000 You can go into space and generate planets and send them into orbit, and you're just standing in the middle of it, and you can make that out like Alpha Centauri star.
01:07:25.000 And then watch what it looks like when you send the earth around it, and then they explode into each other.
01:07:30.000 And you can just keep making them pop up and whatever.
01:07:33.000 You just send them for hours.
01:07:34.000 It's super cool looking.
01:07:36.000 Wow.
01:07:37.000 Goddamn.
01:07:38.000 My girlfriend's super into science and conspiracy things and stuff.
01:07:42.000 So this is literally all we talk about.
01:07:44.000 Well, I think that you're going to get to a point where virtual reality is going to be able to recreate a journey through space like in HD. If they can figure out a way to take really good photos, like some of the more recent photos they've been able to take with those satellites that they launch into space,
01:08:00.000 the incredible detail of all these different planets.
01:08:05.000 I mean, to be able to do that, like to put on one of those HTC vibes and fly through space...
01:08:10.000 Insane.
01:08:11.000 And just feel what it would be like to circle Jupiter and like look down at it, you know?
01:08:16.000 That's something you get lost in for...
01:08:18.000 Oh, I would love to do just weed and mushrooms on that.
01:08:20.000 That'd be crazy.
01:08:21.000 You might not even need it, dude.
01:08:22.000 That's true.
01:08:23.000 You might go into a natural psychedelic state.
01:08:25.000 If you could get something where you could, in a float tank, put on an HTC Vive and go...
01:08:32.000 For real, right?
01:08:33.000 And go flying through the rings of Saturn.
01:08:38.000 And to be, like, that close and to have, like, the correct...
01:08:41.000 Whoa.
01:08:42.000 Watch this incredible moment.
01:08:44.000 An Indian rocket releases over 100 satellites into space in a new world record.
01:08:49.000 What?
01:08:51.000 See, that's another thing.
01:08:53.000 Space junk.
01:08:55.000 88 of them are going to try to take a picture of Earth every single day.
01:08:59.000 Oh, my God.
01:09:00.000 So it seems like they're trying to do exactly almost what you're trying to talk about right there.
01:09:04.000 Did you see there was some sort of a plan to collect space junk that failed?
01:09:13.000 Did you hear about that?
01:09:16.000 Oh, yeah.
01:09:17.000 Space junk's insane.
01:09:22.000 That's funny.
01:09:23.000 That's where the part where we're at is where we gotta build something to go collect all the space junk.
01:09:28.000 Yeah, we're crazy.
01:09:29.000 We left shit floating in the sky above our head.
01:09:33.000 We've got metal!
01:09:34.000 We left metal in the sky above our head.
01:09:37.000 Oh, it failed?
01:09:38.000 That's great.
01:09:39.000 Japanese space junk remover experiment has failed in orbit.
01:09:43.000 What happened to it?
01:09:44.000 Is it saying?
01:09:44.000 Wait, does that mean that there's more junk now in space?
01:09:47.000 I don't know if they made it back and couldn't catch it.
01:09:51.000 The system designed by a Japanese space agency and a fishing net company should have unfurled a 700-meter tether from space station resupply vehicle that was returning to Earth,
01:10:06.000 according to JAXA scientists.
01:10:08.000 However, the system appears to have faltered.
01:10:12.000 Space junk...
01:10:14.000 There's a growing problem in low Earth orbit since the beginning of the space age.
01:10:17.000 Debris as small as flecks of paint.
01:10:20.000 Wow.
01:10:21.000 And large as whole satellites and parts of rocket boosters have been accumulating and is estimated that over 100 million individual pieces of junk.
01:10:30.000 Wow.
01:10:30.000 Tens of thousands of pieces that are over 10 centimeters in size are whizzing around our planet.
01:10:38.000 What?
01:10:39.000 That's like moving shrapnel.
01:10:41.000 Oh my god.
01:10:45.000 We're so crazy.
01:10:47.000 It's insane.
01:10:48.000 People are so bananas.
01:10:49.000 They just keep launching new shit up there.
01:10:51.000 They're like, whoop, it's fucked already.
01:10:53.000 Let's launch a hundred more new ones.
01:10:55.000 How many...
01:10:56.000 Didn't Elon Musk say they want to launch a crazy number of SpaceX launches?
01:11:00.000 Just like one a month or one every week?
01:11:02.000 Are they leaving debris in Space 2?
01:11:04.000 I don't know.
01:11:05.000 I'm not sure.
01:11:05.000 Well, they're bringing that thing back, so maybe not.
01:11:07.000 Yeah, right?
01:11:08.000 If you can get something that you can shoot up there and then bring back...
01:11:11.000 Would you go to space?
01:11:12.000 If you could?
01:11:12.000 Fuck you!
01:11:13.000 You wouldn't even just- I mean, if it was just like up top and then come right back down.
01:11:16.000 I had a whole joke about that.
01:11:18.000 I go, look up.
01:11:19.000 You're already in space.
01:11:21.000 Going out there is like just going to a shittier neighborhood.
01:11:23.000 Yeah, you want to check out the shitty neighborhood?
01:11:26.000 Well, you get in planes all the time.
01:11:27.000 What if it just went a little higher?
01:11:28.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:11:29.000 Well, it doesn't.
01:11:30.000 That's why I get in planes.
01:11:31.000 Well, I think that's what's...
01:11:32.000 Fuck you!
01:11:34.000 I think there's going to get to a point where the planes, to get to places faster, they're going to use the orbit and go up high and then come right back down.
01:11:40.000 Or you smoke a joint, go to Joshua Tree, and lay on your back, and you realize you are already in space.
01:11:45.000 You're already here.
01:11:47.000 We're in space.
01:11:48.000 We're just in the best possible neighborhood.
01:11:50.000 Let's just be thankful.
01:11:51.000 Just be super lucky that we're here.
01:11:54.000 We don't want to shit out on the moon where there's no air.
01:11:57.000 That's true.
01:11:57.000 Yeah, man.
01:11:58.000 I mean, you like extreme stuff.
01:11:59.000 You wouldn't want to just see what it was like.
01:12:01.000 Fuck you.
01:12:02.000 I don't like things that'll definitely kill you.
01:12:05.000 Oh, okay.
01:12:06.000 And going into space can definitely kill you.
01:12:09.000 Oh, absolutely.
01:12:10.000 Like, it goes wrong a lot.
01:12:11.000 It goes wrong a lot on those folks.
01:12:13.000 Like, I'm terrified of heights, so I'll probably never go, but...
01:12:16.000 That movie, Gravity.
01:12:17.000 Oh, yeah.
01:12:18.000 That movie freaked me the fuck out.
01:12:19.000 Oh, yeah, man.
01:12:20.000 I was just sitting there going, Jesus, get back down there.
01:12:22.000 Get down.
01:12:23.000 Get down to Earth.
01:12:25.000 Get down there.
01:12:25.000 That anxiety is so real.
01:12:27.000 It's perfect.
01:12:28.000 Get the fuck out of there.
01:12:29.000 You're floating in space.
01:12:30.000 You hear things crash together, but they don't make any sound.
01:12:33.000 Or you see them crash together.
01:12:34.000 Oh, yeah.
01:12:34.000 But there's no sound.
01:12:35.000 That was a freaky part of that movie, where there's no sound in space, because there's no oxygen.
01:12:39.000 There's no air.
01:12:40.000 There's nothing to carry it.
01:12:41.000 There's nothing.
01:12:41.000 There's no atmosphere.
01:12:42.000 You don't hear it.
01:12:44.000 Does that make sense, though?
01:12:45.000 Yeah.
01:12:47.000 Also, real quick, on the asteroid that hit Jupiter, it wasn't the size of Earth.
01:12:53.000 The explosion was the size of Earth.
01:12:55.000 Wow.
01:12:55.000 However difference that makes.
01:12:56.000 Oh, yeah.
01:12:57.000 No, the explosion was the size of Earth.
01:12:58.000 Yeah.
01:12:59.000 I think we said that.
01:13:00.000 I'm pretty sure.
01:13:00.000 I'm just making sure.
01:13:01.000 Yeah.
01:13:02.000 Yeah.
01:13:03.000 I don't think the asteroid was the size of Earth.
01:13:04.000 Because if it was a big...
01:13:05.000 That would be like another planet flying around, right?
01:13:07.000 Yeah.
01:13:07.000 Well, that has happened, though.
01:13:08.000 That's what we're saying.
01:13:09.000 Okay.
01:13:10.000 I don't know.
01:13:10.000 I mean, who knows how often it does happen?
01:13:12.000 But they think that's how what we're saying before that the that's see if you could find that earth one and earth two I think that's what they're saying that that was the most recent Theory of how the moon was created that the moon is actually made out of the same shit that we're made out of Just dead as fuck float this guy our brother It's our dead brother floating over our head every day,
01:13:34.000 but he's only like 10. That's why so little it's like the one that's still attached to us Dude, I mean, that is what it's like, right?
01:13:40.000 Yeah.
01:13:41.000 That could be us.
01:13:42.000 That could be us.
01:13:42.000 We're so lucky.
01:13:43.000 That's why we gotta work hard.
01:13:44.000 We're bitching and complaining.
01:13:47.000 It's weird times.
01:13:48.000 Yeah.
01:13:49.000 Because all this information, like, I'm sure was probably around when my parents were my age, but in order to go get it, you had to do a lot of traveling, you had to read books, you had to go to school, you couldn't just Google it.
01:14:05.000 No, everything's so readily available now.
01:14:07.000 Don't you think, like, for comics, this is, like, the best time ever for creating material?
01:14:11.000 Oh, absolutely.
01:14:12.000 That's why it's like, I mean, I talk about Trump and stuff all the time, but it's like, I've never seen, you know, a president that's just given us so much stuff to work with.
01:14:19.000 A comic said this to me.
01:14:22.000 He was like, I'm not going to write any Trump jokes.
01:14:24.000 I was like, why not?
01:14:25.000 And he's like, because that dude's doing funnier shit than anything I'll ever be able to write.
01:14:31.000 I feel bad about it.
01:14:34.000 This is my feeling.
01:14:37.000 It doesn't feel like everybody's happy.
01:14:38.000 No, everyone's not happy.
01:14:39.000 And when people aren't happy, on both sides, there seems to be all this fucking...
01:14:44.000 Yeah.
01:14:46.000 It seems super tense right now.
01:14:48.000 I think we were talking about this earlier.
01:14:50.000 No one's willing to listen and learn.
01:14:52.000 Everyone's just willing to shout as loud as possible.
01:14:54.000 Yeah.
01:14:55.000 People just gotta be nice.
01:14:56.000 That's why I like doing stand-up about it, because it's like, if I can make both sides laugh at...
01:15:02.000 The stupid things I'm saying, then they're in a way agreeing with me and in a way can hopefully learn a little bit different.
01:15:10.000 I think we're too much of a bunch of babies to have a left side and a right side.
01:15:14.000 Yes.
01:15:14.000 I think we're too much of babies.
01:15:17.000 We're squawking too much.
01:15:18.000 Yeah.
01:15:19.000 I think if we could figure out a way to get rid of that, that whole inclination to want a left and a right, that whole inclination...
01:15:31.000 It just seems to me that it's just so easy to pick a team and to get locked into that team's mindset, locked into that team's goals, locked into that team's ideology.
01:15:41.000 Say the shit that the other people in the team...
01:15:43.000 I see so many people that write their tweets now, and afterwards they write sad.
01:15:48.000 That's it!
01:15:49.000 It's hilarious!
01:15:50.000 I mean, it's kind of funny in an ironic way.
01:15:54.000 If they mean it ironically, it's funny.
01:15:57.000 But it's really funny when they don't mean it ironically.
01:16:01.000 When they're mimicking the way Trump tweets.
01:16:04.000 Yeah.
01:16:05.000 I see it.
01:16:05.000 It's so common now.
01:16:07.000 Sad.
01:16:07.000 We got a president that tweets.
01:16:09.000 I know.
01:16:10.000 It's amazing.
01:16:10.000 I mean, Obama did too.
01:16:12.000 I know, right?
01:16:13.000 Shit.
01:16:14.000 They don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
01:16:15.000 That was taken out of context.
01:16:17.000 That's a bad Trump impression.
01:16:18.000 He's like, Matthew Richard should have won.
01:16:21.000 He has a...
01:16:22.000 What is this?
01:16:23.000 This is what I could find on that Earth.
01:16:25.000 Giant impact creates moon.
01:16:27.000 Scientists theory on a giant impact model seeking to explain the moon's creation.
01:16:31.000 Experts believe that an object that crashed into Earth...
01:16:34.000 Led to debris that later formed the moon.
01:16:37.000 New theory says an incident also created a smaller second moon.
01:16:41.000 Whoa.
01:16:41.000 Where's that?
01:16:42.000 Yeah, it said these two moons right here.
01:16:44.000 It says they collided to create what we see now.
01:16:47.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:16:49.000 Yeah.
01:16:49.000 It was really hard finding stuff on this.
01:16:51.000 Earth 1, Earth 2 stuff really brings up just a lot of stuff on DC. Wow, how would they figure these fucking people are so goddamn smart!
01:16:57.000 Look at this.
01:16:58.000 Their theory also says the slow impact forced most of the smaller moon to attach to the side of the moon as a thick new layer of the lunar crust.
01:17:06.000 How the fuck did you figure that out?
01:17:08.000 They're destined to collide.
01:17:10.000 There's no way out.
01:17:13.000 Yeah.
01:17:13.000 You should freak out, folks.
01:17:15.000 Everyone should freak out.
01:17:16.000 And then, uh, let's relax.
01:17:18.000 This is what's the most important thing to realize.
01:17:21.000 No matter what, we're in space.
01:17:23.000 No matter what.
01:17:24.000 No matter what you're saying.
01:17:26.000 The reality of what you're looking at, what you're focusing on, if you look close to your neighborhood or your city or your country, all of it is taking place in this ball hurling through infinity.
01:17:39.000 Yes.
01:17:39.000 Like, that is...
01:17:41.000 It's all figurative.
01:17:42.000 We're creating all of these social constructs.
01:17:45.000 Well, they're there.
01:17:45.000 You've got to deal with them.
01:17:46.000 I mean, you've got to deal with the consequences of, you know, assholes that fuck things up over here.
01:17:54.000 Yeah.
01:17:55.000 These Hitler fellows.
01:17:57.000 You know, when you get a Hitler, you've really got to do something about it.
01:18:00.000 You know?
01:18:01.000 He's not just going to...
01:18:01.000 You can't just hug it out of him.
01:18:03.000 No, no.
01:18:05.000 Do you think he gets impeached?
01:18:07.000 Well, I'm not saying he's Hitler.
01:18:09.000 Oh, of course not.
01:18:10.000 I was actually talking about Hitler.
01:18:11.000 Yeah.
01:18:11.000 I wasn't talking about, like, what people call other people, he's like Hitler.
01:18:15.000 I never use that term.
01:18:16.000 And I don't think he is like Hitler.
01:18:18.000 No.
01:18:18.000 No, he's not.
01:18:19.000 Because he's not killing people.
01:18:20.000 No.
01:18:20.000 And also, you know, Hitler's a whole total different thing.
01:18:24.000 No, Hitler was Hitler.
01:18:25.000 Yeah, Hitler was Hitler.
01:18:27.000 It's so stupid.
01:18:27.000 I think Burr had a bit about it.
01:18:29.000 He did.
01:18:29.000 Maybe he has on his new special.
01:18:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:18:32.000 I haven't seen his new special yet.
01:18:33.000 I've seen his new special.
01:18:33.000 It's so great.
01:18:34.000 I saw him do the stand-up.
01:18:35.000 I need to sit down and watch it.
01:18:36.000 He's one of my favorites.
01:18:38.000 That's my favorite, is watching him pop into the store and do it.
01:18:40.000 And I watched him do that bit, and it's such a funny bit, because he's got a great point.
01:18:44.000 Yeah, he definitely does.
01:18:45.000 And I think it's a tired word now.
01:18:49.000 It is.
01:18:49.000 And no one's going to bring that fucking mustache back, though.
01:18:53.000 I'll do it.
01:18:54.000 You think so?
01:18:55.000 I'll bring it back.
01:18:55.000 No.
01:18:57.000 Ari did it once.
01:18:58.000 Wore it on stage.
01:18:58.000 People were so angry at him.
01:19:00.000 He's like, I'm a Jew.
01:19:01.000 I can do it.
01:19:02.000 I have a Jew pass.
01:19:05.000 It's so funny.
01:19:06.000 It's funny the things that we find offense in.
01:19:08.000 Yeah.
01:19:09.000 It's a weird time for that.
01:19:10.000 Yeah, it is.
01:19:12.000 People are getting really upset at people talking about pretty much any subject that isn't about them as an individual.
01:19:20.000 And then if you do a subject, if you're a white man, you should be writing entirely about what a white man does.
01:19:27.000 Period.
01:19:27.000 That's it.
01:19:28.000 Just about white men.
01:19:29.000 And even then you shouldn't be doing it because you should shut the fuck up.
01:19:32.000 Nah, man.
01:19:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:19:34.000 You can say whatever you can.
01:19:36.000 I believe in freedom of speech more than anything, but I also believe that you have to deal with the consequences of what you say.
01:19:41.000 Fuck yeah.
01:19:42.000 But it's also like we have to stop looking at each other as groups.
01:19:46.000 Yeah.
01:19:48.000 White men as groups, white women as groups.
01:19:50.000 It's silly.
01:19:51.000 We're just a bunch of fucking people.
01:19:53.000 We've got to stop looking at each other as these groups based on what we look like or what part of the country we're in.
01:19:58.000 And that's eventually going to move to other countries.
01:20:00.000 It's just going to take time.
01:20:01.000 I just wonder when, you know, because the kind of relationship that we have with each other all piled in together in a city like this and living so comfortably and for the most part like relatively low crime even in a place like Los Angeles if you really consider it.
01:20:15.000 Yeah.
01:20:15.000 That never existed in history.
01:20:17.000 This is a new thing.
01:20:18.000 So people get better at life.
01:20:20.000 They get better at figuring it out.
01:20:21.000 I think we're better now than ever before even though we still fuck it up.
01:20:25.000 Yeah.
01:20:25.000 But we're real close to one day recognizing other countries just like states.
01:20:30.000 Yeah.
01:20:31.000 Just like, you know, like you could just pack up and move to Florida.
01:20:34.000 You know, there's going to be situations like that where people just go all over the world and go wherever they want.
01:20:39.000 Yeah.
01:20:39.000 It's going to be weird.
01:20:40.000 I mean, it's also just progress.
01:20:42.000 Someone said it's like progress is measured by tombstone by tombstone.
01:20:48.000 Yeah, that's true.
01:20:49.000 It's like I look at my grandfather and like he's I love him to death and he was an immigrant to this country and he felt a certain way around about other people and races and it was one of those things was like I growing up growing up around that I realized it's like oh that's just kind of the way he thinks I don't have to think that way right I can treat people nice and be cool with everybody Yeah,
01:21:10.000 yeah, it's I think that's more apparent now than ever before.
01:21:13.000 Yeah, I think that's people are more aware of The the similarities that we all share versus the differences more than ever before and people are more vocal I think any time in my life that I can remember I'm sure that during the civil rights movement people were very vocal about racial racial rights and you know when putting out or stomping out racial hatred But I don't remember it being like as much in the public forum as it is during the last like say like maybe 10 years or
01:21:43.000 so it seems like the people have They're much more organized in their ability to protest, to educate people, to explain things, to show things that people might not have been aware of before.
01:21:57.000 I think it's a lot of just social media and just the internet and having all that just readily more available.
01:22:04.000 Yeah, there's definitely that.
01:22:06.000 I think people...
01:22:07.000 Like I think people arguing having these conversations are super important even if they do get Shouty and stuff because that's I think that's how you learn is you have to have these awkward hard conversations Yeah, and they're there.
01:22:18.000 It's really hard.
01:22:20.000 It's it's hard to it's hard to think that every time you you buy anything anytime you Anytime you do any kind of interacting with someone you're A lot of the stuff that you're getting is coming from places where people live hard lives.
01:22:38.000 Yeah.
01:22:38.000 Like, really hard lives.
01:22:40.000 And people argue, well, hey, we've talked about this recently, they're like, well, hey, you know, that's how countries grow and prosper.
01:22:48.000 And, you know, they have to start out this way, and they have this, you know, revolution, industrial revolution, and all these people, they start manufacturing things.
01:22:56.000 The status of life goes up.
01:22:58.000 The quality of life goes up.
01:22:59.000 You're living much better than they ever lived before.
01:23:02.000 Yeah, but they don't live like us.
01:23:04.000 Yeah.
01:23:04.000 Right?
01:23:06.000 That's okay?
01:23:07.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:23:08.000 I don't know.
01:23:08.000 Yeah, they went from mud huts to straw or whatever's a better comparison.
01:23:14.000 Well, we were talking about those Foxconn employees.
01:23:16.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:23:17.000 You know those folks that work and make iPhones?
01:23:19.000 Oh.
01:23:20.000 That jump off the roof so much that they have to put nets.
01:23:22.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:23:23.000 Dude.
01:23:24.000 Those people are stuck in terrible jobs.
01:23:26.000 Tell me that when you read a history book a thousand years from now, and they talk about what kind of barbarians we are in 2017, they will start to talk about the rise of the machine.
01:23:36.000 Oh, absolutely.
01:23:36.000 And they will talk about the cell phone.
01:23:37.000 And they were like, the people coveted the cell phone so much.
01:23:40.000 That they found a way to compartmentalize their ideas about slave labor to the point where these people worked 16 hours a day in a gigantic concrete structure making their beloved phones.
01:23:51.000 And they hated their job so much and they jumped off the building so much, they put nets around the building.
01:23:56.000 But the people kept buying phones.
01:23:59.000 But didn't they have enough phones already?
01:24:02.000 They did!
01:24:02.000 They did!
01:24:03.000 They didn't care!
01:24:04.000 They wanted better phones!
01:24:06.000 New phones!
01:24:07.000 Hire more jumpers!
01:24:10.000 More meat for the same.
01:24:12.000 Isn't that what the pyramids maybe we think kind of are?
01:24:15.000 They were potentially created by slave labor and they were worshipped things for ideally like a religion type thing.
01:24:22.000 I think they used to think it was slave labor.
01:24:24.000 I know we don't know for sure.
01:24:25.000 Yeah, but I think they don't think that now.
01:24:28.000 I think the most recent theory is that they were very skilled workers because of the food that they got.
01:24:33.000 Yeah.
01:24:34.000 They were almost like praised because of the craftsmanship they could do.
01:24:37.000 Go back to ancient Greece or ancient Rome and their giant places of worship, their gods and whatnot.
01:24:43.000 I'm sure those were made by regular workers.
01:24:46.000 You're right, but here's the thing.
01:24:47.000 Those things were really like art.
01:24:50.000 I think we look at buildings a little bit different when we think about someone being forced to build something.
01:24:55.000 We think of the person who's being forced to build it as being a low-paid worker.
01:25:00.000 Whereas in those environments, that person might have been a goddamn superstar.
01:25:05.000 Like a guy who could build a marble coliseum.
01:25:07.000 You know, guys who are building those pillars.
01:25:10.000 People who are figuring out how to stack these gigantic stones perfectly on top of each other and make stone pillars.
01:25:16.000 How the fuck did they figure that out?
01:25:18.000 That's what I mean.
01:25:19.000 The smart guy wasn't lifting it.
01:25:21.000 He was telling all the rest of the guys how to get it up.
01:25:23.000 Maybe yes, but maybe they were all together.
01:25:25.000 Maybe.
01:25:26.000 I think more likely you had a lot of smart people and then you had a few like Leonardo da Vinci's who were fucking super geniuses who had figured out a bunch of crazy shit and was designing things and drawing things and these people were just like these rare blips of like superpower creativity that exist all throughout history and they propel us forward.
01:25:46.000 Yeah.
01:25:47.000 Steve Jobs?
01:25:48.000 Yeah, sure.
01:25:49.000 He's one of those kind of guys.
01:25:51.000 Was it Da Vinci?
01:25:53.000 I can't remember which artist it was, but they would make all these ideas and they'd have their understudies or people that were almost as skilled as them do these things and make them.
01:26:04.000 I mean, I think that's what happened with the pyramids and stuff.
01:26:06.000 They probably had these people that were planning, but you also still need skilled workers to build these.
01:26:09.000 Yeah, I think, well, particularly with something like the pyramids, there's a tremendous amount of math involved.
01:26:15.000 And they're all doing this somehow or another when they didn't even have steel.
01:26:20.000 No.
01:26:20.000 They supposedly had copper tools, and they figured out some way to grind these stones so perfectly they just sit on top of each other, just completely flat, leveled.
01:26:30.000 Barely stick a card in the crease.
01:26:32.000 When I was looking up the stuff on the Foxconn factories, I remember it said the reason why, or at least that was their argument, why they weren't in America is because they had upwards of like 30,000 mechanical engineers and electronical engineers at the ready.
01:26:45.000 So those would be your skilled workers.
01:26:48.000 And there still are slave laborers underneath them.
01:26:50.000 But those are the extra people that maybe that's why it's not happening.
01:26:53.000 That makes sense, because I guess with something like that, where the demand is so high and the quality and the standard is so high, like iPhones, say what you want about iPhones, I've dropped this fucking stupid thing seven or eight times and it works great, you know?
01:27:06.000 I love this thing to death.
01:27:07.000 They can take a beating, man.
01:27:09.000 It's crazy.
01:27:10.000 They can take a fucking beating.
01:27:12.000 These things are weird.
01:27:13.000 When these things take over, I think it's going to be an Apple robot that takes over.
01:27:17.000 I'm resisting that watch, but it's looking tempting.
01:27:19.000 It tells you your heart rate.
01:27:21.000 I bought my girlfriend one, and she loves it, and I just...
01:27:24.000 I don't want to be...
01:27:25.000 Those headphones are going to be great.
01:27:27.000 The new iPhone's going to be cool when they announce it soon.
01:27:29.000 God damn it!
01:27:30.000 Stop!
01:27:31.000 They can't stop.
01:27:33.000 Get back on your work duty!
01:27:36.000 Make the machine!
01:27:38.000 You know these people are having romances, connected to each other, looking at each other through glass while they're wearing goggles and they're making phones.
01:27:44.000 That's the only socializing they get to do.
01:27:46.000 Do you think we might have a bounce back moment where it rebounds a little bit?
01:27:50.000 Mumford and Sons take over?
01:27:51.000 Not like that, but there might be a day where we see if next week happens, we can stop it, but we need to stop all of our jobs from being taken.
01:28:01.000 We're fucked.
01:28:02.000 Just drinking out of mason jars and wearing fucking suede boots.
01:28:07.000 You're just resisting the inevitable, sir!
01:28:09.000 You do not need a fiddle in the woods!
01:28:12.000 You're on the porch with a fiddle with your friends, non-ironically singing together in perfect tune.
01:28:17.000 How dare you?
01:28:18.000 You're not gonna stop the rock that's headed this way.
01:28:22.000 That music might...
01:28:23.000 nah.
01:28:24.000 How many thousand feet did we figure out?
01:28:26.000 Ten miles a second.
01:28:29.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:28:31.000 I can't even comprehend how fast that is.
01:28:32.000 It makes my whole body hurt.
01:28:34.000 Just hearing that, I just like go limp.
01:28:41.000 I remember I was living in San Jose when I found out.
01:28:44.000 I had a really great science teacher, and it would just blow my mind all the time.
01:28:49.000 And I remember listening to him, and he was talking about how when you look at stars, you're actually looking in the past, technically.
01:28:54.000 Wow.
01:28:55.000 Because the light's just hitting us.
01:28:58.000 It's taking so long to travel.
01:28:59.000 This is something that's happened a long time ago.
01:29:01.000 Yeah.
01:29:02.000 When they look deeper and deeper into the universe, they're literally looking into a time machine.
01:29:06.000 Yeah.
01:29:07.000 That's so insane.
01:29:09.000 It's hard for your stupid little head to figure out what these people figured out and how they all had to agree on it.
01:29:15.000 Okay.
01:29:16.000 I know this is going to sound crazy, but what I'm thinking is when we're looking at those stars, we're looking back in time.
01:29:23.000 Like, that's what I was going to say, but it sounded too crazy.
01:29:25.000 Okay, are we right?
01:29:26.000 I think we're right.
01:29:27.000 Let's look at this.
01:29:28.000 Let's look at this.
01:29:28.000 Get the pads out.
01:29:29.000 They calculate it.
01:29:31.000 Calculating it.
01:29:31.000 Like, okay, when do we go public with this?
01:29:34.000 I think we're good.
01:29:35.000 I think we're locked in.
01:29:36.000 We have discovered that the Earth is 4.7 billion years old.
01:29:42.000 And people are...
01:29:45.000 Just telling us these calculations like we're waking up in the middle of this trip.
01:29:49.000 It's like we are literally on a spaceship.
01:29:51.000 And the spaceship is hurling towards somewhere.
01:29:53.000 And in the middle of this waking up, we have to learn how to speak.
01:29:56.000 We have to learn how to remember to write things down that we've already figured out.
01:30:01.000 We have to be able to save those things, send them down to the next people so they don't have to figure it out on their own.
01:30:06.000 And then the next people, the next people, everybody work together.
01:30:09.000 And while this is happening, you're waking up in the middle of a spaceship.
01:30:13.000 And it's flying.
01:30:14.000 It's like a sci-fi movie.
01:30:15.000 It is a sci-fi movie.
01:30:17.000 It literally is what's happening.
01:30:19.000 Think about how much information has been lost throughout time.
01:30:23.000 Yeah.
01:30:24.000 Right?
01:30:24.000 Like the pyramids.
01:30:25.000 That's a perfect example.
01:30:27.000 The Great Pyramid of Giza, if you look at all those insane photographs, when they do those 3Ds, when they go over it, you know, with a drone and film it, and you just look at it, you go, that is an insane accomplishment.
01:30:39.000 Like, I can't imagine what it feels like to be there in real life.
01:30:43.000 I wish it wasn't such a sketchy part of the world right now.
01:30:46.000 I know!
01:30:46.000 I would like to go over there.
01:30:48.000 I mean, I'll be fine.
01:30:49.000 I just gotta grow the beard out a little bit longer and be quiet.
01:30:50.000 Dude, you would slip right in.
01:30:52.000 Have a nice one of them little hats.
01:30:53.000 Oh, my God.
01:30:53.000 Those little white hats with the lingerie style.
01:30:56.000 I wouldn't get back in, but I would totally, totally be able to chill.
01:31:00.000 You'd slip right in, bro.
01:31:01.000 No problem, man.
01:31:03.000 Let that hair get just a little bit scragglier in your beard.
01:31:06.000 You're good.
01:31:07.000 Yeah, man.
01:31:07.000 You know, and just talk like you got a sore throat.
01:31:09.000 I can't talk.
01:31:10.000 I can't talk.
01:31:14.000 That's one of the jokes that I'm doing now that I really had fun with, which is like the idea of me getting deported and going back to Mexico and having just to be quiet the whole time.
01:31:22.000 Because you can't speak Spanish?
01:31:23.000 Because I can't speak Spanish and I can't like let them know.
01:31:25.000 Does that piss off some Mexicans?
01:31:28.000 Some Mexican-Americans that you can't speak Spanish?
01:31:30.000 In San Jose it did a little bit growing up.
01:31:32.000 Some, well older Mexicans, because it's like they look at me and they're just like, oh god, what have we done?
01:31:36.000 You know what I mean?
01:31:37.000 Like at what cost is our freedom and our dreams?
01:31:41.000 It's kind of...
01:31:42.000 Well, I didn't learn because there was a moment for my grandparents and my mom and my dad where it was like, we don't want people to know he's...
01:31:50.000 Because it was almost looked down upon that he's like, you're speaking Spanish in public.
01:31:55.000 You have to speak English, blah, blah, blah.
01:31:57.000 But now it's the point where it's much more of a benefit to learn multiple languages.
01:32:02.000 Well, I would think if you were a guy who could speak Spanish, you could work in all sorts of different countries in South America, too.
01:32:09.000 Oh, yeah.
01:32:10.000 You know?
01:32:13.000 What the fuck?
01:32:18.000 Is there a leak?
01:32:19.000 We just had a serious leak, ladies and gentlemen.
01:32:22.000 Hilarious.
01:32:24.000 It's going...
01:32:25.000 It's hitting the ceiling.
01:32:25.000 Yeah, we had a serious leak in our building.
01:32:28.000 It's fucking raining cats and dogs out there.
01:32:31.000 Making this building wet.
01:32:33.000 Are we in trouble?
01:32:34.000 I don't know.
01:32:36.000 Depends where it is.
01:32:37.000 What, if it hits electricity, you're saying?
01:32:38.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
01:32:39.000 Should we get the fuck out of here?
01:32:40.000 I don't know.
01:32:41.000 Holy shit.
01:32:42.000 I told you I'm not good with electricity once it hits that level of...
01:32:46.000 Whatever.
01:32:46.000 Well, whatever happened, it seems to me like water pooled up somewhere and then released.
01:32:51.000 It sounds like it's right above us on that.
01:32:54.000 I don't know if there's electronic wires up there or whatnot or how it could have came in or what it could probably look.
01:32:58.000 The drama is thick.
01:33:00.000 That'd be a great credit just to die on Joe Rogan's podcast.
01:33:03.000 Dude, don't die.
01:33:04.000 I will.
01:33:05.000 We could avoid this disaster.
01:33:07.000 Again, the sky is letting us know that we have no control of the future.
01:33:12.000 The universe is like, you guys gotta stop talking about asteroids.
01:33:15.000 Get too close.
01:33:16.000 Universe is like, listen, bitch, you got your own problems to worry about.
01:33:19.000 How about this fucking water from the sky?
01:33:21.000 You need water?
01:33:23.000 It's all the fucking water!
01:33:26.000 Some Mexicans are, a lot more Mexicans are cooler than now when they meet me because they're just like, they're proud.
01:33:30.000 It's a sense of pride.
01:33:31.000 Like a lot of Mexicans in San Jose hit me up, like a lot of young kids after I won, like hit me up and they're like, yeah, fuck yeah, San Jose, blah, blah, blah.
01:33:38.000 And they're like, you know, I want to do stand-up and they ask me for advice and I just, you know, just tell them, man, just do mics and shit.
01:33:43.000 Yeah, no, you're in a great position right now as being a guy who's successful.
01:33:47.000 Uh-oh, Jamie's going to go look.
01:33:49.000 You got your rubber gloves?
01:33:50.000 No, I'm just going to look at the water coming in.
01:33:53.000 Uh-oh.
01:33:55.000 We've got a serious situation here, ladies and gentlemen.
01:33:58.000 Right here.
01:34:00.000 He's right by a light.
01:34:01.000 Okay.
01:34:02.000 It's not good.
01:34:03.000 It's not good.
01:34:06.000 Want to shut that light off?
01:34:08.000 Okay, I should shut all the lights off.
01:34:09.000 No, don't do that.
01:34:10.000 You don't want to talk in the dark?
01:34:12.000 Let's just see what happens.
01:34:15.000 I feel good about this.
01:34:16.000 I do too, you know?
01:34:17.000 It's just a leak.
01:34:21.000 Just the water pouring down on us.
01:34:24.000 So they're evacuating parts of Northern California, correct?
01:34:27.000 I think that was...
01:34:28.000 I think it was a notification in case there's road...
01:34:31.000 It's probably because we're near some of the hills.
01:34:32.000 In case you're in an area where your road's going to be enclosed or there's a butt slide, where to go.
01:34:36.000 Be ready to leave in case you have to or something.
01:34:38.000 Dude, I went down Laurel and there was a house that fell off the side of the cliff.
01:34:43.000 That's...
01:34:45.000 Driving and watching, looking at those houses, I get anxiety just watching those houses.
01:34:50.000 They had a giant back porch, and it just broke off and slid down the side of the hill.
01:34:55.000 Imagine just being that guy that made so much money that you were like, finally, I get to enjoy my porch, it's raining, I get to look at all the Hollywood hills, I've worked so hard, and then it's just like...
01:35:05.000 Dude, that's like a life-changing disaster.
01:35:07.000 Like, when your house breaks and slides down a hill, that will change your fucking life.
01:35:11.000 There was a whole house that slid down the hill.
01:35:13.000 You hear it again, Jamie?
01:35:16.000 Ooh, it's coming in hard.
01:35:18.000 I hear it outside.
01:35:18.000 I don't hear it coming in anymore.
01:35:19.000 I heard, like, another...
01:35:20.000 There was a couple drips, but I think they stopped.
01:35:23.000 Um...
01:35:24.000 What were we just talking about?
01:35:25.000 I'm so big.
01:35:26.000 Medslide house.
01:35:27.000 Oh.
01:35:28.000 A house on...
01:35:29.000 Was it on Topanga?
01:35:31.000 No.
01:35:32.000 It was on Laurel.
01:35:33.000 It was on Laurel coming up over Laurel Canyon.
01:35:35.000 I don't know if you were here like four or five years ago.
01:35:38.000 There was a house that slid off the side of the hill.
01:35:41.000 Wow.
01:35:42.000 And you could drive by it and you see the house like...
01:35:44.000 It wasn't like that much of a hill either.
01:35:46.000 I mean, you know...
01:35:47.000 It's decent, but whatever was behind it was the problem.
01:35:51.000 It kind of pushed it forward.
01:35:53.000 The ground broke loose above it and pushed it forward.
01:35:56.000 It was like a big-ass lawsuit and lasted forever.
01:35:58.000 But I would always drive by looking at that place going, this is supposed to happen like this.
01:36:04.000 It shifts constantly.
01:36:06.000 Our idea that we could just pitch a tent forever is fucking ridiculous.
01:36:11.000 Earth's crust is not that deep, right?
01:36:13.000 Not deep enough for my taste.
01:36:14.000 Exactly, you know what I mean?
01:36:15.000 It's just lava at the bottom of it.
01:36:17.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:36:17.000 I think it's...
01:36:18.000 I'm probably gonna say something real stupid.
01:36:19.000 Like, oh, it's like seven miles deep, but I feel like it's not that deep.
01:36:22.000 Yeah, I don't think it's that much more than that.
01:36:24.000 I know there was this mining operation.
01:36:25.000 I'd like to find out what the exact number is.
01:36:28.000 There was some mining operation that they were doing this article about...
01:36:33.000 How many miles is it, Jamie?
01:36:35.000 What's that?
01:36:37.000 Crust.
01:36:39.000 I initially hit the radius.
01:36:41.000 It says about 4,000 miles, but that's the radius.
01:36:43.000 So it averages about 18 miles under the continents, but it's only about three miles under the ocean.
01:36:50.000 Whoa.
01:36:51.000 Only about three miles under the ocean?
01:36:53.000 And then lava?
01:36:54.000 That's how Hawaii gets brought up.
01:36:56.000 God damn.
01:36:57.000 I don't think that's deep enough for me.
01:36:59.000 That seems weird.
01:37:02.000 We're like, there's a ball of lava under our feet.
01:37:06.000 Jesus Christ.
01:37:07.000 Yeah, we're just the crust over the sun.
01:37:09.000 Yeah, man.
01:37:10.000 That's not good.
01:37:12.000 There was some article I was saying that I read about a mining operation where they were talking about how warm it got as you got lower and lower, deeper and deeper into the earth.
01:37:22.000 You could literally feel the heat of the fucking lava that these assholes are drilling next to.
01:37:28.000 How quick?
01:37:28.000 Dude, you hit wrong, wrong vein.
01:37:30.000 Oh, God.
01:37:30.000 You hit wrong...
01:37:31.000 I can't even speak.
01:37:32.000 You hit one wrong vein.
01:37:34.000 Yeah.
01:37:35.000 Oh, that's terrifying.
01:37:36.000 I wonder if they have that down to a science.
01:37:38.000 Obviously they do.
01:37:39.000 But do they know exactly that they're never going to, like, drill a hole into the lava and have it spew out through the top like a zit?
01:37:46.000 There's got to be mistakes that have been made.
01:37:47.000 Could you imagine if that happened?
01:37:49.000 Could you imagine if these guys were, like, trying to get more diamonds?
01:37:51.000 Like, there's more diamonds there, but here's the deal.
01:37:54.000 A foot past the diamonds is the center of the fucking earth.
01:37:57.000 Yeah, so don't drill too close.
01:37:59.000 We're going to have to wear space suits that won't allow you to use your hands.
01:38:02.000 So everything's going to be done on a keypad.
01:38:04.000 You're going to have the iPad strapped to you, and you're going to have to program it like this.
01:38:09.000 And they'll try to suck the last diamond out and then they'll see the bubble of red where that last diamond hole was.
01:38:15.000 And then that's the last thing they see is the explosion as that hot lava shoots past them like a broken fire hydrant.
01:38:23.000 Just boom!
01:38:24.000 And right out of the surface of the earth just sprays lava into the sky.
01:38:30.000 For years.
01:38:31.000 And years.
01:38:33.000 There's probably one chick who's just like, I want that diamond.
01:38:36.000 How big is that diamond?
01:38:37.000 That's the diamond that killed everybody and I need it for you to show me you love me.
01:38:42.000 There's a person like that out there.
01:38:44.000 You know there are.
01:38:44.000 Oh, absolutely.
01:38:45.000 Don't get mad.
01:38:46.000 Sexual stereotypes are disgusting and wrong for everybody.
01:38:49.000 I'm looking at diamonds right now.
01:38:51.000 Actually, not diamonds, but an emerald.
01:38:55.000 Dude, engagement rings are brutality.
01:38:57.000 Oh my god.
01:38:57.000 You know those goddamn things aren't even worth anything?
01:39:00.000 Yeah, they're...
01:39:00.000 Well, they are, definitely, because people buy it.
01:39:02.000 But the reason why people buy it for so much is because they've stockpiled all these fucking diamonds and they control the price.
01:39:07.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:39:08.000 It's amazing.
01:39:08.000 It's so smart.
01:39:09.000 You gotta give it up for the Jews.
01:39:12.000 Give it up.
01:39:13.000 Strong marketing strategy.
01:39:16.000 Are they the Jews that run the diamonds?
01:39:18.000 It's not a bad thing to say.
01:39:20.000 People would say that that's racist.
01:39:21.000 I'll tell you it's not racist if it's a positive quality.
01:39:24.000 They're awesome at business.
01:39:26.000 How is that racist?
01:39:27.000 Why was everybody so sensitive that you can't even say something in jest about a person's positive attributes when people think you're racist?
01:39:35.000 Oh, you said the Jews are good about business!
01:39:38.000 Well, that's a good thing.
01:39:39.000 It's a good thing to be good with business, you fuckhead.
01:39:41.000 My uncle, when I told him I had an agent, he was just like, I have one piece of advice to give you.
01:39:45.000 And he was like, he was like, what kind of manager do you have?
01:39:48.000 And I was like, oh, he's like, it's with this company.
01:39:50.000 He was like, no, no, no, like, what, you know?
01:39:52.000 And I was like, oh, he's Jewish?
01:39:54.000 And he was like, That's a good move.
01:39:56.000 And I was like, what?
01:39:57.000 I know the business.
01:39:58.000 Yeah, that was all he said to me.
01:40:00.000 I was like, that's the weirdest thing.
01:40:01.000 It was so funny to me.
01:40:02.000 It's a weird thing, Jewish folks, because, especially like European Jews, there's more Nobel Prize winning European Jews than I think anybody.
01:40:15.000 It's really weird.
01:40:16.000 Like, there's a pillar of science, or just a pillar of, pillar's not a good word, a collective of incredible minds that have come out of European Jews for some strange reason.
01:40:29.000 I feel like they're all hilarious, too.
01:40:31.000 European Jews?
01:40:32.000 Really?
01:40:33.000 Like, name one.
01:40:35.000 No, I'm just kidding.
01:40:35.000 What are you saying?
01:40:36.000 Oh, why, I was just saying...
01:40:37.000 Smoked yourself a tartar song?
01:40:39.000 What in the fuck?
01:40:40.000 You keep going, huh?
01:40:41.000 You're one of those keep going dudes.
01:40:42.000 I love smoking weed.
01:40:43.000 You don't just take the high and say, this is it, I'm good.
01:40:47.000 Just ride it out.
01:40:48.000 Yeah, I love riding it out.
01:40:50.000 Were you a big stoner growing up?
01:40:52.000 No, not until I was 30. What would you say, Jamie?
01:40:56.000 When you're talking about diamonds, have you ever seen the people that dig for diamond dust and gold dust in the streets of New York?
01:41:02.000 I don't know exactly what street it is, but you know that diamond area where they're all doing exchanges and whatnot?
01:41:08.000 When they're looking at them in their car and whatnot, dust gets on their pants and little flecks fall off and they get into the street and into the dust.
01:41:15.000 Here's a video.
01:41:18.000 There's probably more people that do it now, obviously, but they just dig through the dirt and the dust and the street cracks and whatnot, and they can take it home and they can find hundreds or thousands of dollars worth of diamond dust and gold dust and diamond flex.
01:41:32.000 I'm sure occasionally they get really lucky and find a whole one.
01:41:36.000 What?
01:41:37.000 It's just based off of that's where all of it is happening on that one block in New York.
01:41:41.000 That's insane.
01:41:43.000 Yeah, old school panning, yeah.
01:41:44.000 That's insane.
01:41:45.000 They're panning for gold in front of these diamond stores.
01:41:49.000 And that's probably not what they found there, but...
01:41:52.000 Yeah, I heard about this a couple years ago, and I just thought maybe you'd heard about it since you lived there before.
01:41:56.000 Dude, well, I never lived in Manhattan.
01:41:58.000 I lived in New Rochelle.
01:41:59.000 I couldn't afford to live in Manhattan.
01:42:01.000 That's amazing, though.
01:42:03.000 I've always wanted to move to New York.
01:42:05.000 New York's crazy, but when I was living there, I was Poe, and I couldn't afford the parking.
01:42:11.000 I would have had to get a really shitty apartment.
01:42:14.000 My apartment in New Rochelle was pretty shitty, too, but I would have had to get a parking spot, and you have to pay every month.
01:42:20.000 Whoa, I didn't know that.
01:42:21.000 Yeah, it could be a lot of money, too, like thousands of dollars.
01:42:24.000 Oh, that's insane.
01:42:24.000 Yes, I mean, that's as high as it could go.
01:42:26.000 I wonder what, like, a good...
01:42:27.000 What's a good monthly rate for parking in a parking structure in New York City?
01:42:33.000 It's pretty...
01:42:33.000 I've heard comics talk about it.
01:42:35.000 It's pretty ridiculous.
01:42:36.000 So a lot of them don't keep cars because now you can just Uber any way you want.
01:42:39.000 Yeah.
01:42:39.000 Take cabs and go all over the city.
01:42:42.000 But back in the day, if you wanted to live there and you wanted to do road trips, you had to have a place to keep your car.
01:42:47.000 And it was like...
01:42:49.000 Insurmountable for me.
01:42:50.000 There's no way.
01:42:52.000 In my day, I remember it being something like $700 a month just to park your car.
01:42:57.000 Wow.
01:42:57.000 Yeah, and I was like, what?
01:42:58.000 Even then, there's just so much traffic in New York.
01:43:01.000 Yeah, and this is back when I was making like $350 a week on average.
01:43:05.000 So it was ridiculous.
01:43:07.000 It's probably less than that now, but there's different areas.
01:43:09.000 It looks like it's anywhere from $300 plus up, $375.
01:43:13.000 There's different garages now.
01:43:15.000 Interesting.
01:43:15.000 So you can get it as low as 300 bucks?
01:43:19.000 Find some that say 250. What's an expensive one?
01:43:24.000 The ones that I saw that were cheaper, they stack you on top of each other.
01:43:27.000 I don't know if you've ever seen that.
01:43:28.000 That's really nuts.
01:43:29.000 Yeah.
01:43:30.000 I don't remember it was $700.
01:43:32.000 What do you mean, stack on top of each other?
01:43:33.000 They stick them into these machines, and the machines lift up.
01:43:37.000 And then another car gets driven in, and the machine continues to lift up.
01:43:41.000 And so, like, you have to drive the cars out, and then bring the thing down, and drive that car out, and bring the thing down.
01:43:48.000 And you might have to do that with, like, three or four cars.
01:43:50.000 Look at that.
01:43:51.000 Look.
01:43:52.000 Yo, that's fucking crazy.
01:43:54.000 That sounds terrible.
01:43:56.000 It is so crazy that they could do that.
01:43:58.000 So this is the way they save space and stack cars.
01:44:00.000 And it actually does work, but Jesus Christ, how weird is that?
01:44:04.000 They have your car up.
01:44:05.000 I mean, tell me one of these guys who works there can't fuck up one day.
01:44:11.000 People fuck things up, man.
01:44:12.000 Yeah, there's got to be an accident that's happening.
01:44:14.000 People fuck things up.
01:44:15.000 You know a car's fallen off that thing and landed on someone's head.
01:44:18.000 For sure, right?
01:44:20.000 That's had to have happened, don't you think?
01:44:23.000 Absolutely.
01:44:24.000 I've seen valet drivers.
01:44:26.000 Yeah.
01:44:26.000 Well, maybe I was wrong about how much it costs, or maybe I had a very expensive one near me, and maybe it's because they stacked them, they could do it for $300.
01:44:34.000 But whatever the amount was, I don't remember what it was.
01:44:37.000 I didn't make any fucking money back then, so there's no way it was going to work.
01:44:40.000 Were you serving back then?
01:44:42.000 No, back then, when I lived in New Rochelle, it was my first attempt at living off stand-up.
01:44:48.000 That was my first actual attempt.
01:44:52.000 Before, I'd always had day jobs.
01:44:54.000 I had a day job driving limos.
01:44:57.000 I had a day job delivering newspapers.
01:44:59.000 And so then I went from there to New York.
01:45:03.000 And when I went to New York, I was just like...
01:45:04.000 Almost making money doing stand-up like almost almost like some months I made it this month next month fuck I don't have any gigs, you know, it was like almost being able to pull it off So whatever the amount for parking and then living in New York City Plus the thing about New York City is New York's amazing and it's there's it's incredible you can hop around and go from club to club to club But it's it was harder at the time at least to do long sets So I wanted to do like sets That prepare me for headlining on the road.
01:45:33.000 I wanted to keep doing that set, even during the weekdays, so I'd just try to get it stronger and do it all as a whole.
01:45:39.000 And that was really only available on the road for a guy like me.
01:45:44.000 I feel like that's kind of where I'm at now.
01:45:48.000 This was the first month I was ever able to pay my bills and everything off a stand-up, and that was a great feeling.
01:45:53.000 Dude, you're at the launching pad!
01:45:55.000 Well, I mean, I just got to be smart about it because, I mean, now that I have money, that's all just going to rent so I can afford to be on the road and to build that time to where I can, you know, feature regularly and then make that money.
01:46:09.000 Yeah, man.
01:46:10.000 It's all for you right now about writing new shit.
01:46:13.000 Yeah.
01:46:13.000 That's it.
01:46:14.000 And I'm so excited about doing it.
01:46:15.000 Hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling.
01:46:18.000 Yeah, it's cool.
01:46:19.000 It's a really interesting time for you.
01:46:20.000 But that's a great feeling, though, for you, too.
01:46:25.000 I mean, that moment when you were able to just live off stand-up.
01:46:29.000 It was scary.
01:46:29.000 I didn't think I was gonna make it.
01:46:30.000 I was bombing a lot, too.
01:46:32.000 I was eating a lot of dick.
01:46:34.000 Every other show, something would go wrong.
01:46:37.000 I'd go down hard.
01:46:38.000 I mean, I got my girl with me, so it's real.
01:46:42.000 When your girl sees you bomb, that's rough.
01:46:44.000 Yeah, it is.
01:46:46.000 She's seen me bomb.
01:46:48.000 Rough.
01:46:49.000 Rough on the ego.
01:46:50.000 She was cool, though, because she has that support system where she'd be like, yeah, you need to work harder.
01:46:55.000 But she knows I'm funny.
01:46:56.000 Right.
01:46:57.000 Now it's finally paying off for her, too.
01:46:59.000 Well, you could be a hard worker and not be funny.
01:47:01.000 Oh, yeah.
01:47:02.000 That's a problem.
01:47:03.000 It's when the person is funny and is a hard worker, that's what you try to maintain.
01:47:11.000 You try to maintain that balance.
01:47:12.000 But a lot of times you get either or.
01:47:14.000 But that's the case with everything.
01:47:16.000 It's dripping hard here, man.
01:47:18.000 I keep hearing that behind me.
01:47:19.000 I'm scared.
01:47:22.000 Yeah.
01:47:23.000 It's cool, though, dude.
01:47:25.000 Are you enjoying it?
01:47:26.000 I'm loving it, man.
01:47:27.000 It's fun.
01:47:28.000 I've never...
01:47:28.000 I mean...
01:47:29.000 Do you feel certain about everything?
01:47:33.000 Do you feel anxious?
01:47:34.000 How do you feel about the future?
01:47:36.000 Do you feel excited?
01:47:37.000 Do you feel...
01:47:37.000 I feel really excited.
01:47:39.000 Because I don't feel...
01:47:40.000 The only reason I'd feel anxious is if I knew that I couldn't do it.
01:47:43.000 Right.
01:47:43.000 Now it's like...
01:47:44.000 For me, I think of it like this.
01:47:46.000 It's like I've worked so hard, I've worked so many jobs, I've worked so many things to get this opportunity, so why would I squander it?
01:47:54.000 If I've worked so hard now, why wouldn't I keep working harder?
01:47:59.000 That's the perfect attitude.
01:48:00.000 But I'm also like, I'm not going to be one of those guys that's like, you know, oh, I'm a headliner now, because I'm not.
01:48:04.000 Yeah, that's good too, man.
01:48:05.000 I need to get better at stand-up.
01:48:07.000 But you could, you know, like a little of that, like Tony Hinchcliffe's got a lot of that in him.
01:48:10.000 But it's also why Tony Hinchcliffe's so fucking funny.
01:48:12.000 You know, he rides it out and he does it the right way.
01:48:16.000 Tony Hinchcliffe's a funny motherfucker.
01:48:18.000 Tony Hinchcliffe's a mentor of mine, man.
01:48:20.000 I mean, he was one of the first guys I talked to when I had my first roast battle.
01:48:23.000 Right.
01:48:23.000 Well, he's another dude that fucking hustles.
01:48:26.000 Tony hustles.
01:48:27.000 He's always hustling.
01:48:29.000 That kid works hard.
01:48:30.000 He's very impressive in that way.
01:48:32.000 He's a bad motherfucker.
01:48:34.000 He is.
01:48:34.000 And he's always writing new shit.
01:48:36.000 Yeah, he is.
01:48:36.000 Always.
01:48:37.000 Constantly.
01:48:37.000 There was a picture you posted of him when I was...
01:48:39.000 I remember when I was...
01:48:41.000 Younger in comedy.
01:48:42.000 I don't know if I'd worked here at the time.
01:48:43.000 I think I had.
01:48:44.000 I think I was with DoorGuy.
01:48:45.000 And you had posted a picture of him, and it was right after you guys did a set, and you had posted a picture of him on the plane writing new jokes already, and you were just like, this guy just did a set, blah, blah, and he's already writing new jokes.
01:48:55.000 Yeah, Tony writes constantly.
01:48:58.000 I think you have to.
01:48:59.000 He can't commit to a laptop, though.
01:49:00.000 He's got this stupid setup where he has an iPad and his little fake keyboard.
01:49:04.000 I think he just got one.
01:49:05.000 Oh, finally.
01:49:07.000 Welcome to 2017. Yeah, he would say, I don't even need it.
01:49:10.000 I go, you can't even store anything on this piece of shit.
01:49:12.000 What are you doing here?
01:49:13.000 You can't even put a file on your desktop.
01:49:15.000 Stop pretending that's a computer.
01:49:17.000 Get a goddamn computer.
01:49:18.000 Fuck.
01:49:20.000 It's weird, right?
01:49:21.000 People and their iPads.
01:49:22.000 He was a door guy.
01:49:24.000 Yep, exactly.
01:49:25.000 Yeah.
01:49:26.000 I mean, he's one of the best examples of a recent graduate because he wasn't a door guy that long ago.
01:49:33.000 No, not at all.
01:49:34.000 Tony's always had his fucking nose to the grindstone.
01:49:37.000 But really smart about it, too.
01:49:40.000 Really good with taking apart his act, retrying things in a different order, slipping new stuff in there, you know?
01:49:50.000 It's cool, too, like, as a guy like you working, you know, as you're sort of getting everything going and working at a place like the comic stores, you get to see a bunch of different ways people do it.
01:50:00.000 Yeah.
01:50:01.000 Which is really, like, that main room show on a Saturday night when you're getting to see, you know, five, six, seven headliners in a row and you get to see what's the difference in how they handle things and how they set things up.
01:50:13.000 The 9 o'clock spot, the 9.15, the 9.30, the 9.45.
01:50:16.000 You're getting, like, this crazy education in stand-up.
01:50:19.000 Yeah.
01:50:20.000 I mean, I watch people...
01:50:21.000 I mean, it's cool because I've got to see the different careers and paths of people, like watching Brian Moses go from a door guy to the host of his own show that he created, along with a lot of great people in the community.
01:50:34.000 And just to see him do that and to see where his career's going, and also to see Tony, same thing, his career...
01:50:40.000 And just the path he's taking.
01:50:41.000 And he also used to write for Jeff Ross and all these things.
01:50:44.000 And I got to ghost write too, send jokes in.
01:50:47.000 That was something he also taught me about was that he was just like, you know what?
01:50:51.000 He was just like, there's nothing.
01:50:52.000 He's like, when you know those roasts are coming, he's like, you've already done the roast battle.
01:50:56.000 He's like, just start pitching jokes.
01:50:58.000 Just ask.
01:50:59.000 You know what I mean?
01:50:59.000 And I did.
01:51:00.000 And that's, I think, what also helped get me on the radar.
01:51:04.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:51:05.000 It is beautiful to see a guy like Moses get to host a show, too.
01:51:08.000 He's such a good dude.
01:51:10.000 He is one of the best dudes, and I owe so much to that guy because he was the one that pushed for me getting a job.
01:51:17.000 He was the one that's really had my back since day one.
01:51:21.000 There was a few times where just me being a young guy and having a bitterness, like when Rose Battle first went to Montreal, I was just young and bitter because I was like, oh, I'm not going.
01:51:31.000 Why?
01:51:31.000 You know, blah, blah, blah.
01:51:32.000 I work on the show.
01:51:33.000 And I almost quit.
01:51:34.000 And then Moses was, if he wasn't like a big brother, he like took a person was just like, nah, man, stop fucking being a bitch.
01:51:41.000 You know, he's like, you can either get mad or work and get better.
01:51:44.000 And I did.
01:51:45.000 I stayed and I just kept battling.
01:51:47.000 I kept doing stand up.
01:51:48.000 And then the opportunity came and I knocked it out of the park.
01:51:51.000 Yeah, dude.
01:51:52.000 You killed it.
01:51:53.000 And you killed it at the perfect time.
01:51:55.000 So now, the launching pad of Crank Castio.
01:52:02.000 That's my new song.
01:52:03.000 I couldn't have done it without all those guys, you know?
01:52:05.000 No, for sure.
01:52:05.000 And also, you pushing me, too.
01:52:07.000 Well, all of us together, you know, I really do honestly get inspiration from looking at your Instagram page.
01:52:13.000 For real, I'm not bullshitting at all.
01:52:14.000 I see your Instagram page.
01:52:15.000 I'm like, damn, this kid's hungry.
01:52:17.000 He's out there grinding, you know, constantly doing spots.
01:52:20.000 Those hard spots.
01:52:21.000 Well, it was you telling me that, too.
01:52:23.000 And also, it was like, just listening to you talk about those light spots.
01:52:26.000 Also, hearing you talk about having to go up after Pryor, especially if it's such a hard time for him, and like having to do those things.
01:52:33.000 I did that for like five weeks.
01:52:35.000 Yeah, man, that's crazy.
01:52:36.000 Yeah, it was the sad era of Pryor when, before he died, he was in real bad shape, but he still wanted to go on stage.
01:52:43.000 And he would go on stage and he was under medication.
01:52:46.000 You know, it's serious issues.
01:52:47.000 He couldn't walk.
01:52:48.000 And they would carry him up there and they'd crank the mic like...
01:52:52.000 It was so loud.
01:52:53.000 It was like hissing in the room.
01:52:55.000 He could barely talk and he would drink.
01:52:58.000 It was just real weird.
01:53:00.000 It was real weird.
01:53:01.000 He couldn't really do stand-up anymore.
01:53:04.000 He couldn't really form the sentences with the punchlines.
01:53:07.000 At least not in the sets that I saw.
01:53:09.000 Every one of them that I saw was hard to watch.
01:53:12.000 And I'm a giant Richard Pryor fan.
01:53:15.000 I mean, I think he's probably the all-time number one in my eyes.
01:53:19.000 I think he's number one.
01:53:20.000 If I look back at all the comics and their influence on people and the honesty that he had.
01:53:25.000 I mean, without Lenny Bruce, there's no one, right?
01:53:28.000 But essentially, and George Carlin plays a giant factor there, too.
01:53:32.000 There's a lot of guys that play a big factor, but I feel like Pryor was the guy.
01:53:36.000 Yeah.
01:53:36.000 To this day, I'll go back and watch his stuff and I go, in 1975, this was just genius.
01:53:42.000 Yeah, you look at everything that was going on in 1975. Yeah.
01:53:44.000 He came out as a comic and was just, you know, and that was the thing, like, everybody loved Pryor.
01:53:50.000 Everybody.
01:53:50.000 Black people, white people, people that were rich, people that were poor.
01:53:53.000 Yeah.
01:53:54.000 And that's the thing that I like the most about him was, like, he could talk about these subjects and these jokes, and it didn't matter what kind of background you came from, you could relate to him.
01:54:02.000 100%.
01:54:03.000 And he was, you know, essentially...
01:54:08.000 The godfather of this style of stand-up that both you and I do.
01:54:12.000 You know, in a lot of ways.
01:54:14.000 Like, without him, like, what would it have been like back then?
01:54:17.000 You know, like, who else was, like, even remotely as controversial and as insightful?
01:54:22.000 And the way he could perform?
01:54:26.000 The way he enunciated his words?
01:54:28.000 I mean, he had some fucking bits.
01:54:31.000 Goddamn.
01:54:31.000 I can't remember which special it was.
01:54:32.000 I think it might have been...
01:54:34.000 The first one, it shows him walking out on stage, the lights are still up, people aren't fully sat down at their seats, and he just walks in and he's like, alright guys, and he just starts getting them to come in, and you're just like, wow!
01:54:45.000 And he just, it's like, I think, I don't know if he gets right into it, but he just, you know, it's seamless.
01:54:52.000 Dude, remember when he would joke about lighting himself on fire?
01:54:56.000 So funny!
01:54:58.000 Right after the Freebasin thing happened.
01:55:00.000 I mean, come on.
01:55:02.000 Who has the balls to joke about lighting themselves on fire from Freebasin?
01:55:07.000 Like when Pee Wee Herman came back out after that huge thing happened.
01:55:11.000 He walks out.
01:55:12.000 I think it was like the first thing he was hosting right afterwards or something or presenting.
01:55:16.000 And he comes out and he goes, it's dead silent.
01:55:18.000 People are like just kind of looking at him.
01:55:19.000 And it's right after he got caught and stuff.
01:55:21.000 And he goes, you guys hear of any funny jokes lately?
01:55:26.000 And it was right at the time that everyone was cracking all those Pee-wee Herman jokes about him being the thing.
01:55:32.000 And it was just, you know, someone that can take, someone that can be serious and then still humanize themselves in a way like that.
01:55:40.000 And I think that's why the roast battle is so cool.
01:55:42.000 You're right, yeah.
01:55:44.000 Yeah, learn how to take it too, right?
01:55:46.000 Not just dish it out, but take it.
01:55:48.000 Yeah, Pee-wee Herman, man.
01:55:50.000 That was a really fascinating one.
01:55:53.000 Because people kind of stood up for him.
01:55:55.000 Like, yeah, leave the fucking guy alone.
01:55:58.000 No one's angry at Pee Wee Herman.
01:56:01.000 You don't have to arrest him.
01:56:02.000 Cut the shit.
01:56:03.000 Of course he was beaten off.
01:56:04.000 There's a bunch of dudes fucking on a 16-foot screen.
01:56:06.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:56:07.000 What did you think was going to happen?
01:56:09.000 You should arrest all the guys that aren't beating off.
01:56:10.000 Yeah.
01:56:16.000 No shit, right?
01:56:18.000 They're gagging on each other.
01:56:20.000 Fucking pounding each other on the screen, and he's not supposed to beat off?
01:56:23.000 What's he supposed to do?
01:56:25.000 Right?
01:56:26.000 Yeah.
01:56:27.000 Fuck, leave him alone.
01:56:28.000 Who are you saving?
01:56:29.000 You know?
01:56:30.000 Other dudes in there watching people fuck?
01:56:32.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:56:34.000 They feel threatened.
01:56:35.000 I like to watch people fuck in an art form.
01:56:37.000 I just imagine some dude, yeah, I'm here, just some guy's like getting ready and he turns, he's like, oh shit, is that, oh man, I'm such a huge fan.
01:56:44.000 Do you think, that's a crazy thing to say, but do you think that that would be almost like Like, watching people have sex in another time, in another culture, in another way, could almost be like an art form.
01:56:58.000 Almost be like an expressive art form.
01:57:02.000 Where, like, if people fucking on stage was, like, stand-up, and people went to watch these two people fuck?
01:57:07.000 Yeah, people went to see how good you fuck.
01:57:08.000 Oh, that would be hilarious.
01:57:08.000 You know, like, people do breakdancing moves.
01:57:10.000 Like, if sex wasn't super taboo.
01:57:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:57:13.000 It's entirely possible that people would be fucking in front of each other to show how you do it.
01:57:19.000 Just like how people show how you dance on the dance floor.
01:57:21.000 You dance by yourself.
01:57:22.000 You're fucking doing break dancing and spinning around.
01:57:25.000 Now I just imagine there's just smaller open mic communities of people fucking in front of other people.
01:57:32.000 It's just like, I'm working on this hot fuck move for like a minute and I just feel like it's going to kill.
01:57:36.000 Dude, this one fuck move, I kick my one leg up and I catch it like I'm in standing bow pose and I just fuck by behind.
01:57:44.000 Kills the crowd every time.
01:57:45.000 Yeah.
01:57:45.000 Could you imagine if there was professional fuck shows and like people got cheered like Tong Po and fucking Kickboxer that walk out and everybody goes crazy.
01:57:54.000 Did you see his hot new hour?
01:57:55.000 He's here.
01:57:56.000 He knows how to fuck.
01:57:57.000 Woo!
01:57:58.000 Just get a standing ovation while this dude just finished.
01:58:01.000 Yeah, I mean sex is...
01:58:04.000 Obviously, it's pleasurable, but it's also there's motion involved.
01:58:07.000 There's a lot of things that we watch with motion involved that other people do that's fascinating, right?
01:58:11.000 Like gymnastics.
01:58:13.000 Gymnastics, there's no...
01:58:14.000 I mean, the only stakes are don't fall on your head, because we've seen people do that.
01:58:18.000 Don't break your leg, because we've seen people do that.
01:58:20.000 Those stakes are really high.
01:58:21.000 But other than that, why are you really doing that?
01:58:24.000 You're doing it to show how you move.
01:58:26.000 My favorite is, especially with guys...
01:58:28.000 What is this?
01:58:30.000 That's exactly what you're describing, I think.
01:58:31.000 For real?
01:58:32.000 Oh, no way!
01:58:33.000 It's a sex festival in Europe called Salon Erotico de Barcelona.
01:58:37.000 Jesus Christ.
01:58:38.000 I saw this on an article in Vice where someone asked a bunch of people what they were taking...
01:58:42.000 They interviewed people that were taking photos at the thing and what they like to do with their photos and how creepy they are or not creepy.
01:58:48.000 They all seem pretty creepy.
01:58:49.000 Check this quote out.
01:58:50.000 That's so funny.
01:58:51.000 It's the feeling of, in quotes, I was there, I was inches away from it, I touched it, that makes looking at my own pictures more exciting.
01:58:59.000 All right.
01:58:59.000 Yeah, it's all these guys taking photos of these people having sex.
01:59:03.000 Yeah.
01:59:03.000 Super up close.
01:59:04.000 I see.
01:59:05.000 It's crazy.
01:59:05.000 That dude's got like a GoPro.
01:59:06.000 I love it.
01:59:07.000 And like, look how expensive that fucking flash is on his camera.
01:59:11.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:59:12.000 What's that?
01:59:13.000 That's what a lot of the photos look like.
01:59:14.000 Just super up close guys.
01:59:15.000 Just getting way, way...
01:59:16.000 My favorite is this dude right in the front with the camera.
01:59:19.000 How weird are we?
01:59:21.000 That's so strange.
01:59:23.000 Yeah, but I don't think we're like these guys.
01:59:24.000 And so people just get together and they, no, I mean just humans collectively as a whole.
01:59:28.000 Oh, yeah.
01:59:28.000 They just get together and watch people fuck.
01:59:30.000 Yeah.
01:59:30.000 Look at this guy's face.
01:59:31.000 That guy's face is the best.
01:59:33.000 Oh, he's indulging.
01:59:34.000 That guy's been, he's been kept from without for so long.
01:59:40.000 Just the look of joy on some of these guys.
01:59:43.000 Like, I don't think that guy on the left is taking it seriously.
01:59:45.000 But I think this guy on the right is totally taking it seriously.
01:59:48.000 All these people, every single one of them is just dying for virtual sex to come out.
01:59:53.000 They're just dying.
01:59:54.000 They're just dying for that.
01:59:55.000 That's what's gonna change the whole goddamn ballgame, Frank.
01:59:58.000 They put those virtual HTC Vive goggles on and they watch sex acts like this.
02:00:04.000 They go there live, they have like sex-offs and shit.
02:00:07.000 Just wait until...
02:00:08.000 I can't wait till my girlfriend catches me with one of those.
02:00:10.000 Sex doll?
02:00:11.000 No, no.
02:00:12.000 Just like the VR thing.
02:00:13.000 I don't hear her come in.
02:00:15.000 Yeah.
02:00:16.000 That's not good.
02:00:16.000 I'm sure there's plenty of guys that have done that and been caught.
02:00:19.000 Oh, for sure.
02:00:19.000 There's got to be...
02:00:20.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:00:21.000 Guys are in jail for that.
02:00:22.000 I guarantee you.
02:00:24.000 Something went wrong.
02:00:25.000 And it all started off from them jerking off with the HTC Vive on.
02:00:28.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
02:00:29.000 The girl hits them with something.
02:00:31.000 And they throw it back at her and she gets knocked out.
02:00:35.000 I told my girlfriend I wanted to, when I get the, because I still haven't got the prize money, but when I do, I was like, I want to just get it in cash and just throw it at her.
02:00:44.000 So when she gets bruised, she can call the cops and they can be like, what happened?
02:00:48.000 How did these bruises come up?
02:00:49.000 And I'm just like, it was approximately $10,000 in damage.
02:00:53.000 She left.
02:00:57.000 Taking her to Hawaii.
02:00:59.000 Hawaii's a good spot.
02:01:00.000 Which island?
02:01:01.000 Maui, I think.
02:01:02.000 Maui's awesome.
02:01:03.000 They're all awesome.
02:01:06.000 The big island is crazy because you could actually fly over the volcano.
02:01:11.000 You can get in one of those helicopters.
02:01:12.000 They'll take you to the place where the volcano empties into the ocean.
02:01:16.000 It's like creating more island as you fly over.
02:01:20.000 And you're like, whoa!
02:01:21.000 That's insane.
02:01:22.000 Yeah, you sleep weird at night with that knowledge.
02:01:24.000 Yeah, then I could just go at any time.
02:01:26.000 Yeah, you're on the side of an active volcano.
02:01:28.000 Yeah.
02:01:29.000 Those people live there in harmony, though.
02:01:31.000 It's really interesting.
02:01:32.000 I think that being that connected to nature the way they are, because they have the ocean there, and not to say that Hawaiian people don't have their problems, like everybody has their problems.
02:01:40.000 But Hawaiian people have a more relaxed, you know, what they'll call like island style way about them.
02:01:46.000 I think in some way it's probably influenced by the humility that you just naturally get by being so connected to nature.
02:01:53.000 The ocean right there, the mountains right there, it's just like they're so connected to it.
02:01:58.000 It's insane.
02:01:59.000 They have never had city blinders on.
02:02:01.000 Yeah.
02:02:02.000 Maybe a little bit in Honolulu, people do.
02:02:04.000 But out there on that big island, there's no city blinders, man.
02:02:07.000 You're looking at something like really insanely intense all the time.
02:02:11.000 Mountains and ocean.
02:02:12.000 That's amazing.
02:02:13.000 You're on a volcano, son.
02:02:15.000 It's beautiful.
02:02:16.000 And there's a bunch of times in history where the towns have had to evacuate.
02:02:19.000 Oh, yeah.
02:02:19.000 Because the lava's coming over the hill and it just wipes out the whole town.
02:02:22.000 The town doesn't even exist anymore.
02:02:23.000 Yeah.
02:02:24.000 Then dudes put up these little shacks on where the lava is and they rope it off and that's like their land now.
02:02:30.000 Like they go back to where their land is like GPSed out and they like put stakes in and make like a little fence over the fucking lava and then they put like a house there.
02:02:40.000 Have you seen that, Jamie?
02:02:42.000 See if you can find some photos of that.
02:02:44.000 It's so bizarre.
02:02:45.000 I was almost born in Hawaii.
02:02:47.000 Houses on the Big Island.
02:02:50.000 Temporary houses on the Big Island over lava fields.
02:02:53.000 Because these people, they lost everything.
02:02:55.000 And they're like, well, this is the only thing I have.
02:02:56.000 I'm just going to put a trailer up where my fucking house is supposed to be.
02:03:00.000 Imagine just watching that go down where your house just burns down and you're just like, yep, better start over.
02:03:05.000 I think in Hawaii what they should have is land set aside for people whose houses get fucked up by volcanoes.
02:03:11.000 It happens all the time.
02:03:12.000 Yeah, it seems like it happens enough where you should probably have a backup.
02:03:16.000 Maybe they do.
02:03:16.000 They have to have insurance or something.
02:03:18.000 I think they probably have insurance.
02:03:19.000 But do they have enough where they can relocate and have a house like their old house that got eaten by the lava?
02:03:25.000 Or is it enough to get a shitty apartment?
02:03:27.000 I don't know how much they get paid.
02:03:30.000 But I would think that there's plenty of land.
02:03:33.000 What am I saying?
02:03:34.000 What am I, a Marxist?
02:03:35.000 Give away their fucking land.
02:03:37.000 Give away the land to the people that...
02:03:38.000 You want me to find temporary houses, right?
02:03:40.000 Yeah, temporary houses on lava fields in Hawaii.
02:03:43.000 They staked it off.
02:03:44.000 I forget who showed it to me, but they staked off their area and tied it off with a ribbon or something like that.
02:03:50.000 Like, hey, this is my land.
02:03:52.000 Don't come inside this lava patch.
02:03:55.000 I own it.
02:03:56.000 It just highlights how preposterous it is to live there, but so awesome.
02:04:02.000 People will just stay there, though.
02:04:04.000 They love it.
02:04:05.000 I went fishing last time I was there.
02:04:06.000 I talked to this dude who had been living there for a long time, decades.
02:04:11.000 He started out on the East Coast.
02:04:12.000 And the way he was talking about it, man, the way he was talking about just life, I was like, this guy, he's so much more in tune with...
02:04:23.000 With just the reality of life itself, just the cycle of life.
02:04:29.000 Just seeing it out there on a boat in Hawaii, pulling back into the dock, living on this volcano in the middle of nowhere.
02:04:36.000 I mean, you're living in a magical land.
02:04:39.000 People daydream about that place.
02:04:40.000 Yeah.
02:04:41.000 Yeah, they go there once a year, and they just...
02:04:43.000 God, amazing.
02:04:44.000 The guy lives there.
02:04:45.000 He got there, and he was like, fuck, going back.
02:04:48.000 Yeah, he was like, oh, this is...
02:04:49.000 I could just stay here?
02:04:51.000 Fuck January in New York.
02:04:53.000 Like, what?
02:04:54.000 My mom went there for her senior trip, and then when her senior trip ended, she just didn't get back on the plane.
02:05:01.000 It's the move.
02:05:01.000 Yeah, here we go.
02:05:02.000 It's not quite what you're looking for.
02:05:03.000 Not quite, but similar.
02:05:05.000 Interesting.
02:05:05.000 So this guy set it up on this lava field.
02:05:07.000 It's got a little house.
02:05:08.000 This is where my house used to be.
02:05:10.000 That's insane.
02:05:11.000 Yeah.
02:05:11.000 There was a whole piece on it and something that I was reading.
02:05:16.000 I don't remember what it was, but it was just, I get it, you know, the guy didn't want to, you know, that was his spot.
02:05:21.000 He liked the spot, and he could put a temporary house there.
02:05:24.000 But it's just, to me, it's so, it's just showing how powerful the will of nature is.
02:05:30.000 This insane idea that you're going to somehow or another stake claim to pieces of a volcano.
02:05:37.000 Look at that, man.
02:05:38.000 Where it's just cutting through the landscape.
02:05:40.000 Jesus Christ, that's insane.
02:05:42.000 That's a road.
02:05:43.000 Dude, it just swamped right through that place.
02:05:47.000 That picture, go back to that picture again.
02:05:49.000 Oh, look at that.
02:05:50.000 That's happening right there.
02:05:51.000 You can actually see it happening.
02:05:53.000 It's so slow, too.
02:05:54.000 This is insane.
02:05:55.000 Have you seen videos of just lava taking stuff out?
02:05:57.000 It's really slow, right?
02:05:58.000 Yeah, it's so slow.
02:05:58.000 How many feet a minute does it go?
02:06:01.000 It probably depends on...
02:06:03.000 And there's nothing they can do about it, right?
02:06:04.000 Nope.
02:06:05.000 They can't, like, push it back.
02:06:06.000 Look at that photo.
02:06:08.000 Look at that photo where it's just cutting through.
02:06:13.000 Oh.
02:06:14.000 The one up right there.
02:06:16.000 No, to the left of that guy with the red shirt.
02:06:18.000 See the guy to the left of that?
02:06:19.000 Yeah, click on that.
02:06:20.000 What in the fuck?
02:06:22.000 That's crazy.
02:06:24.000 We're looking at the actual lava itself oozing, and when you look at it as a liquid rock...
02:06:30.000 Like a hot liquid rock.
02:06:33.000 You realize what it really is?
02:06:35.000 Like that this is like sort of...
02:06:36.000 This is like the seeds of the actual islands themselves.
02:06:41.000 There's people who go to those places and just get super close and study that.
02:06:44.000 That scares the shit out of me.
02:06:46.000 They study it real close.
02:06:47.000 There's been a few scientists who have died from that.
02:06:49.000 I'm sure.
02:06:50.000 It only makes sense.
02:06:51.000 I think there was actually a famous one that like...
02:06:56.000 What is that one?
02:06:57.000 Go above!
02:06:58.000 No, the one you were just, your cursor, right to the right of that.
02:07:01.000 Right to the right of that.
02:07:02.000 What is that?
02:07:03.000 Whoa.
02:07:04.000 Oh my god.
02:07:05.000 That's a river.
02:07:06.000 That's a goddamn river.
02:07:09.000 A river of molten rock.
02:07:11.000 A river of molten rock, just cutting through the earth.
02:07:15.000 Oh my god, it starts way up there.
02:07:18.000 Imagine if things lived in there, like salmon, like evil demon salmon.
02:07:22.000 Lava salmon?
02:07:24.000 And you have these fucking evil demon bears that jump into the lava lake.
02:07:29.000 They can take a certain amount of lava and they're roaring because they're in pain.
02:07:34.000 They're looking for a fucking demon fish to eat.
02:07:36.000 There's a 10 meter high fountain of lava.
02:07:39.000 Oh Jesus Christ!
02:07:40.000 That's what the miners would create.
02:07:42.000 Those greedy, greedy gold miners.
02:07:45.000 If that thing hits you, oh god, imagine just a blob of that hitting your shoulder.
02:07:50.000 Fuck that, man.
02:07:51.000 Because even the suits that the scientists wear when they go out, if a thing popped up and it hit them, that'll eat right through them.
02:07:59.000 Goddamn.
02:08:00.000 How incredible.
02:08:01.000 I think I saw something that you can...
02:08:03.000 You have a quick second.
02:08:05.000 It's not like hot coals quite, but...
02:08:09.000 It doesn't melt things as quick as it seems, or maybe it doesn't.
02:08:13.000 Jesus Christ, they're digging into it, man.
02:08:14.000 These guys are standing right next to it.
02:08:16.000 What the fuck are they doing?
02:08:18.000 I can't watch this.
02:08:19.000 Oh, my God.
02:08:20.000 Oh, that terrifies me.
02:08:21.000 Oh, it's just shooting out, folks.
02:08:22.000 We're looking at stuff just shooting out and splattering.
02:08:25.000 It's like the Earth's coming.
02:08:27.000 Oh, dude, that's gross.
02:08:28.000 Oh, how about this?
02:08:28.000 Cooking steak with lava?
02:08:29.000 Oh, I've seen that.
02:08:30.000 Yeah, that's pretty dope.
02:08:31.000 Yeah, they pour it.
02:08:32.000 Yeah, see, they pour it through this thing, and there's a grill underneath it.
02:08:37.000 And just the heat of the lava pouring under the grill cooks the shit out of these steaks.
02:08:42.000 That's pretty badass.
02:08:43.000 I bet that's a serious goddamn steak.
02:08:46.000 Woo!
02:08:47.000 Look how he does it.
02:08:49.000 Damn.
02:08:50.000 Oh, is he tossing lava on top of it?
02:08:52.000 Oh no, he's pushing it down.
02:08:54.000 I've revised my cooking methods, Frank Castillo.
02:08:57.000 I used to cook with high temperature, and I just tried this last week with low temperature.
02:09:02.000 I'm changing my game.
02:09:03.000 Low temp's where it's at.
02:09:04.000 Do you cook?
02:09:05.000 My girlfriend does.
02:09:06.000 I know how to cook.
02:09:07.000 What do you know how to cook?
02:09:08.000 I know how to cook like steaks.
02:09:08.000 Don't say Mexican shit.
02:09:09.000 No, no.
02:09:10.000 I know how to cook like steaks, some pastas and stuff.
02:09:12.000 My girlfriend's probably watching this right now like, that's a fucking lie.
02:09:15.000 He hasn't cooked shit.
02:09:17.000 Do you, like, if you're alone by yourself, do you cook yourself a meal?
02:09:21.000 Most of the time, no.
02:09:22.000 Or I'll try to make myself a sandwich.
02:09:23.000 I'm the most unhealthiest person.
02:09:24.000 I gotta get back into it.
02:09:26.000 Yeah?
02:09:27.000 Yeah.
02:09:27.000 You do, dude.
02:09:28.000 It'll help your brain, too.
02:09:29.000 Oh, absolutely.
02:09:31.000 Eating healthy, being healthy definitely helps formulate your ideas.
02:09:35.000 And also, it alleviates you of a certain amount of tension that comes with a failing body.
02:09:39.000 Mm-hmm.
02:09:40.000 Yeah.
02:09:40.000 I used to wrestle and do jiu-jitsu for like two years out of high school, and that was the most fun I've ever had.
02:09:46.000 Because I wouldn't compete or anything, but it was just like I could eat whatever I wanted, and I would still just say the same.
02:09:51.000 I felt great about myself, and it was just nice.
02:09:54.000 Why don't you start doing it again?
02:09:55.000 I'm going to.
02:09:55.000 I'm going to look into it right after.
02:09:56.000 We'll get you an intense planet jiu-jitsu.
02:09:59.000 Did you do it with a gi or without a gi?
02:10:00.000 I did it with a gi.
02:10:01.000 Well, if you wanted to do that, there's John Jock Machado's.
02:10:04.000 That's close, too.
02:10:05.000 Mm-hmm.
02:10:05.000 I've been to Machado's.
02:10:07.000 It's a great place.
02:10:07.000 And it's probably somewhere near your neighborhood.
02:10:10.000 We'll talk about it off-air.
02:10:11.000 Perfect.
02:10:12.000 That's even closer and probably just as good.
02:10:15.000 Southern California is one of the best places in the world if you want to learn jiu-jitsu.
02:10:18.000 Oh, yeah, absolutely.
02:10:18.000 There's so many legit schools.
02:10:21.000 There's two meccas, really, in this country.
02:10:23.000 There's a bunch of really good schools everywhere in this country.
02:10:25.000 I mean, jiu-jitsu is really widespread.
02:10:27.000 Yeah.
02:10:28.000 The Meccas.
02:10:29.000 There's a Mecca in New York, for sure, and there's a Mecca in Southern California.
02:10:33.000 But there's, like, Chicago's strong.
02:10:35.000 I mean, there's strong jiu-jitsu everywhere.
02:10:37.000 Phoenix, Arizona's strong.
02:10:38.000 There's, like, a lot of places have good jiu-jitsu.
02:10:40.000 And I love going on Instagram and watching the tournaments and just the different people.
02:10:44.000 Like, Buchecha's probably one of my favorite ones.
02:10:46.000 Do you ever follow Viral BJJ on Instagram?
02:10:49.000 Yeah, you liked a picture of it and I started watching it.
02:10:52.000 Dude, I try not to follow them too often, like to repost their stuff, because I want people to go there instead of looking at mine.
02:10:59.000 And maybe people find out about their videos, but they have the best collection of sick moves.
02:11:05.000 Just sick...
02:11:07.000 Like, move after move where you're like, oh, and you can, these are real moves that, like, I've been doing jiu-jitsu for a long time and I haven't seen before.
02:11:15.000 You know, I'm not the most knowledgeable guy when it comes to jiu-jitsu, but I know enough about it that when I see some completely new choke variation that I've never seen before and everybody starts doing it, I'm like, okay, that wasn't around.
02:11:26.000 Yeah.
02:11:26.000 Like, this guy, this guy's come up with some new thing and people come up with a new thing, you know.
02:11:30.000 It's pretty regular.
02:11:31.000 Yeah.
02:11:31.000 That's my favorite about watching jujitsu is you can just see people just...
02:11:34.000 The game's always changing.
02:11:35.000 That's the best part.
02:11:36.000 Well, you know what it is like, man?
02:11:38.000 It's like the same thing with striking.
02:11:39.000 When you see it at its highest level of expression, it's when it's only striking.
02:11:43.000 Striking at its highest level of expression, for me, is either professional boxing or professional kickboxing or Muay Thai.
02:11:51.000 That's where you see...
02:11:53.000 I think, to me, really, I like Muay Thai the best.
02:11:56.000 Oh, yeah.
02:11:56.000 Because it seems like they're doing everything.
02:11:57.000 Yes.
02:11:58.000 So if you're going to agree to just stand up I feel like you should be able to do whatever you want to do when you're standing up in terms of elbows, knees.
02:12:06.000 It doesn't make any sense to limit clinching.
02:12:08.000 So I think that's the number one stand-up thing as far as what I want to see.
02:12:13.000 But the only way you get to see the highest level of expression is if there's no takedowns.
02:12:17.000 If there's no submissions.
02:12:18.000 Because as soon as there's takedowns, as soon as there's submissions, guys have a totally different way.
02:12:23.000 As soon as there's ground and pound, guys have a totally different way of competing and moving.
02:12:27.000 And you're not going to see the same...
02:12:29.000 As high a level of expression and just true striking.
02:12:32.000 And the same as with Jiu Jitsu.
02:12:33.000 Like you see a lot of crazy moves in Jiu Jitsu that you might not see if you had soccer kicks or stomps.
02:12:40.000 You probably wouldn't for a lot of those things.
02:12:42.000 Because there's a lot of stuff that people could do to mitigate your movement that they're agreeing not to do.
02:12:47.000 It's not that you're just totally controlling them, but to get the highest level of grappling to watch it, you really kind of have to have only grappling.
02:12:54.000 Yeah, because then it's like, these are rules we're agreeing to, and then from there, you can really start to learn how to bend the rules.
02:13:00.000 Yeah, it's amazing, man.
02:13:02.000 It really is like what you were talking about with verbal boxing.
02:13:05.000 It's like that in many ways.
02:13:06.000 There's strategy-based approaches to things, and that happens with jiu-jitsu, it happens with striking.
02:13:12.000 That's what's really interesting about martial arts more than...
02:13:15.000 People look at it in terms of this exciting, violent thing, this rah-rah, macho thing, which it definitely certainly is.
02:13:24.000 That's definitely certainly a part of the appeal of MMA. But also what the appeal is, is that it's insanely difficult to do, and you have to be insanely brave to choose to do it for a living.
02:13:36.000 And it's...
02:13:37.000 It's insanely dangerous because you might get shinned in the face.
02:13:41.000 You might get flying knee knockout.
02:13:44.000 There's a recent fight between Chris Weidman and Yoel Romero.
02:13:48.000 Did you see that fight?
02:13:49.000 Yeah, I saw a clip of him.
02:13:50.000 Dude, Weidman was doing really well in that fight too.
02:13:53.000 And Yoel Romero launched this flying knee that hit him dead in the head.
02:13:58.000 Just boom and just crushed him.
02:14:01.000 And I remember watching that going, and that's Chris Weidman.
02:14:05.000 Yeah.
02:14:05.000 That's not like a regular dude.
02:14:07.000 That's former UFC champion Chris Weidman, one of the baddest motherfuckers on planet Earth.
02:14:12.000 And Yoel Romero just did that to him.
02:14:15.000 That is a sport that is like no other.
02:14:18.000 Any given Sunday, man.
02:14:19.000 What are you going to say, Jamie?
02:14:21.000 George St. Pierre signs to return to the UFC. Yeah, I heard.
02:14:26.000 I was talking to my friend Steffi Crooklyn from Twitter.
02:14:31.000 Steffi Hayes, the writer, and she was telling me about this.
02:14:34.000 She actually was the one who broke the news to me.
02:14:36.000 So George St. Pierre's gonna fight again.
02:14:38.000 Good for him, man.
02:14:39.000 Took some time off, chilled out.
02:14:41.000 Feels good.
02:14:42.000 Still training.
02:14:44.000 That's the thing about George.
02:14:45.000 Never got out of shape at all.
02:14:47.000 Constantly training, constantly learning.
02:14:49.000 I bet he's better than ever.
02:14:50.000 I bet he comes back and people think that he's going to have lost a step.
02:14:52.000 I bet he's better than ever.
02:14:53.000 Yeah.
02:14:54.000 He wouldn't be coming back if he wasn't.
02:14:55.000 Yeah.
02:14:56.000 And I've been hearing crazy shit about his grappling.
02:14:58.000 I've been hearing his grappling just off the chain.
02:15:00.000 It's just better than ever.
02:15:02.000 That underestimating someone is a huge advantage and a tool.
02:15:06.000 Yeah.
02:15:07.000 Especially a guy like George St. Pierre.
02:15:09.000 George St. Pierre did not become George St. Pierre by not knowing what's up.
02:15:13.000 He knows what he's doing.
02:15:15.000 If he's coming back, it's because he knows he's healed up probably better than ever.
02:15:19.000 He's going to be really interesting to watch him return because he's different in the way he approaches fighting, I think, than almost anybody before him and he influenced so many people after him.
02:15:29.000 In that he almost has no ego when it comes to listening to his coaches and absorbing information and being taught.
02:15:40.000 You see him rolling and training and drilling with people.
02:15:43.000 And I've had the opportunity to drill with him and do some kick moves with him, go over some stuff, and he's just so open-minded and so fucking smart.
02:15:51.000 That guy's a really interesting dude because he's not a mean guy at all.
02:15:55.000 He's like you would never think if you met him that he was this world champion Like one of the greatest if not the greatest I would say the greatest welterweight of all time You know does that mean that he would beat Damian Maia 100% of the time?
02:16:08.000 No.
02:16:09.000 Does that mean he would beat Tyron Woodley?
02:16:10.000 Might not.
02:16:11.000 I don't know but if you look at his accomplishments he was in my opinion the greatest welterweight of all time and Super nice guy.
02:16:18.000 Yeah smart He speaks two languages, fluent English and fluent French.
02:16:24.000 Really fascinating guy, man.
02:16:26.000 So if he's coming back after this amount of time off, he knows what the fuck he's doing.
02:16:30.000 He's going to come strong.
02:16:32.000 He's going to look awesome.
02:16:34.000 Or, you know, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
02:16:37.000 That's possible, too.
02:16:39.000 Also today, wagering has opened up for McGregor Mayweather.
02:16:43.000 Ooh.
02:16:44.000 How can you do that if it hasn't really been signed?
02:16:46.000 It has to take place before May 31st, 2018. So if it doesn't happen, the bets just go away.
02:16:51.000 That kind of happens from time to time.
02:16:53.000 The card has to happen before your bet to actually be legit.
02:16:57.000 Did you see what Teddy Atlas said about it?
02:16:59.000 I'm sorry, go ahead.
02:17:00.000 I was going to say he opened up at minus 2,500, so 25 to 1. Against Berto, he opened up at minus 4,000.
02:17:06.000 I don't know if that's saying that McGregor's got a better chance to win, but usually it's just set on...
02:17:10.000 25 to 1 is not so hot.
02:17:12.000 Yeah, McGregor's plus 1,100.
02:17:14.000 Yeah, I think conventional wisdom is that Floyd boxes the shit out of him.
02:17:19.000 But, uh, Teddy Atlas had something very interesting to say.
02:17:21.000 He thinks that Floyd is, uh, not recognizing the fact that Conor might just decide to get disqualified.
02:17:28.000 That, like, if it starts getting crazy, like, if they're in the middle of a fight, and he decides, like, he can't beat him, he might decide to, uh, just fucking flip him on his ass.
02:17:39.000 Atlas McGregor will cheat against Mayweather, then proclaim himself as King of the Ring.
02:17:43.000 That's an interesting thought.
02:17:45.000 Well, here's the thing.
02:17:46.000 If McGregor decided to start kicking Floyd and decided to take him down, Floyd is a dead man.
02:17:52.000 Oh, yeah.
02:17:53.000 He's 100% dead.
02:17:55.000 Unless he catches Conor coming in with the haymaker to end all haymakers that can take that Irish assassin out with one punch, Conor's gonna grab him.
02:18:04.000 If he grabs him, he's gonna ragdoll him to the ground.
02:18:06.000 He's gonna do whatever the fuck he wants to do once he's there.
02:18:09.000 And if he doesn't do that, he'll kick him from the outside.
02:18:11.000 He can hit him from a place Floyd can't even touch him.
02:18:14.000 He'll just sidekick the shit out of his legs.
02:18:16.000 He'll stay on the outside, moving around.
02:18:18.000 Conor's a fast man.
02:18:20.000 He's not slow.
02:18:21.000 And in the first round, in particular, in the first round, if he decides to start kicking Floyd's legs, like if they agreed on that, like some sort of Inoki versus Ali match, did you ever see that?
02:18:31.000 No.
02:18:32.000 In, what was it, 1960s?
02:18:34.000 Muhammad Ali had a match against Inoki, who's this famous guy who was a pro wrestler.
02:18:40.000 What is Antonio Inoki?
02:18:42.000 Is that how you say his first name?
02:18:44.000 I think that's Antonio Inoki.
02:18:47.000 Sorry for people who are big fans of his.
02:18:49.000 He's awesome.
02:18:50.000 But I just forgot his name.
02:18:52.000 So he fought Ali, and what he did was he laid on his back and kicked Ali in the legs.
02:18:59.000 See, Ali would come near him and like he was gonna jab and Inoki would look like he was gonna- he didn't have any gloves on either.
02:19:05.000 It was weird because I don't know if it- like what the rules of the fight were.
02:19:11.000 You know, it seemed like Ali should have known that this dude could kick his legs.
02:19:16.000 So boom, see he would kick his legs and he kept doing it over and over again.
02:19:19.000 Look at Ali's kicking him and holding onto the ropes.
02:19:21.000 Like, no, no, you can't hold the ropes.
02:19:22.000 But you can kick the legs, but you can't hold the ropes.
02:19:25.000 Like, what?
02:19:26.000 Yeah.
02:19:26.000 Like, this was, I guess, when Ali was probably...
02:19:29.000 Look, he's kicking the inside of his legs.
02:19:31.000 This was probably when Ali was banned.
02:19:33.000 Does that make sense?
02:19:34.000 Is that when they did it?
02:19:35.000 It was in 76, it said.
02:19:37.000 Oh, that's way past that then.
02:19:38.000 Yeah, it was way past that.
02:19:39.000 That's crazy.
02:19:39.000 So this must have been, he just needed the money.
02:19:41.000 Or they offered him a shitload of money.
02:19:42.000 But this is when he was the heavyweight champ then, right?
02:19:45.000 Is that the case?
02:19:46.000 Was Ali the champ at the time?
02:19:48.000 Oh, good.
02:19:49.000 He's kicking the fuck out of his leg.
02:19:50.000 That's crazy.
02:19:51.000 He's just butt scooting and kicking his legs and looking to get him in a leg lock.
02:19:58.000 It's just weird.
02:19:59.000 He was allowed to kick the legs.
02:20:01.000 I think we've talked about this.
02:20:02.000 They might have had some sort of an agreement that it was okay to kick the legs.
02:20:06.000 He said he was the reigning heavyweight champion.
02:20:10.000 Wow.
02:20:11.000 How nuts is that?
02:20:14.000 He was offered $6 million for the fight.
02:20:16.000 Whoa!
02:20:17.000 Ah, man!
02:20:20.000 Is that enough?
02:20:22.000 Yeah, well, I don't know if he won.
02:20:24.000 Did he win or did he get...
02:20:25.000 That's the thing about boxing is...
02:20:26.000 Oh, wait, the rules.
02:20:27.000 Okay, what did he say?
02:20:28.000 Vince McMahon Sr. was involved, too.
02:20:30.000 That's hilarious!
02:20:31.000 Senior, meaning Vince McMahon's dad?
02:20:33.000 Yeah, he sold tickets to a closed circuit telecast at Shea Stadium too.
02:20:36.000 No shit.
02:20:37.000 Almost 33,000 people showed up for that.
02:20:39.000 Wow.
02:20:40.000 Of course.
02:20:41.000 Of course everyone's going to want to see him box.
02:20:43.000 So what does it say about the rules like, oh, was he allowed to kick the legs?
02:20:46.000 What does it say?
02:20:50.000 There were varying claims over the years over what the rules actually were.
02:20:56.000 It says no limitations on kicking or grappling and all types of kicking, throwing, and grappling were allowed.
02:21:03.000 Gene LaBelle was the referee, so it's according to him.
02:21:06.000 Gene LaBelle was the referee.
02:21:08.000 Of course he was.
02:21:09.000 He's Gene LaBelle.
02:21:10.000 Gene LaBelle's a legendary judo character.
02:21:12.000 He's awesome.
02:21:13.000 He's been on the podcast.
02:21:15.000 He's a legendary guy in the world of martial arts.
02:21:18.000 Check out this last quote, too, from professional.
02:21:21.000 Bret Hart was working for Inoki at the time, and he claimed in an autobiography that the black Muslims who were backing Ali made it clear that if Inoki laid a finger on their champ, they would kill him.
02:21:30.000 That's why Inoki lay on his back for 15 rounds, kicking Ali in the shin so not to use his hands.
02:21:36.000 Whoa.
02:21:36.000 Whoa.
02:21:38.000 Whoa.
02:21:38.000 That's interesting.
02:21:39.000 So he didn't have any gloves on.
02:21:40.000 He was allowed to punch him with no gloves?
02:21:42.000 And it said, well, I mean, he was allowed to maybe, but he didn't.
02:21:45.000 But other forces outside told him that if they...
02:21:49.000 That's what it says.
02:21:49.000 Wow.
02:21:50.000 It's a plane made by Bret Hart.
02:21:51.000 But you know what, man?
02:21:53.000 Bret Hart's an entertainer, isn't he?
02:21:55.000 Yeah.
02:21:55.000 You know, like entertainers make entertaining stories.
02:21:59.000 True.
02:21:59.000 Who knows?
02:22:00.000 That could be one of them plot lines.
02:22:04.000 Ooh.
02:22:06.000 You know, I mean, whenever you merge into the world of pro wrestling, another pro wrestler tells you, well, I know what happened, man.
02:22:12.000 The Illuminati came down and gave him an ultimatum.
02:22:15.000 Lose the match to The Undertaker or we will take your house.
02:22:20.000 You know, who knows, man.
02:22:22.000 It's all plot lines for those folk.
02:22:24.000 Were you a big wrestling fan?
02:22:25.000 Nah, in high school I was.
02:22:27.000 What about you?
02:22:28.000 No, my cousins were huge wrestling fans and I was the smallest one that would always get suplexed.
02:22:33.000 Dude, that's not cool.
02:22:34.000 Did they at least suplex you on the couch?
02:22:36.000 Yeah, most of the time.
02:22:38.000 Yeah, Tony Hinchcliffe still to this day loves wrestling.
02:22:41.000 He almost took a job.
02:22:43.000 He almost took a job with the WWE as a writer.
02:22:45.000 They wanted him to move to New York, though.
02:22:47.000 I guess it's like Connecticut.
02:22:49.000 That's where their studio is.
02:22:51.000 And he's like, damn, he loves it, dude.
02:22:53.000 He goes to those matches and shit and goes nuts and cheers.
02:22:56.000 He's so silly.
02:22:57.000 Yeah, they have a podcast.
02:23:00.000 I think it's called The Four Horsemen.
02:23:01.000 Ooh!
02:23:02.000 Tony and a few other guys.
02:23:03.000 They just talk about wrestling.
02:23:04.000 It's the best.
02:23:05.000 Dang, man.
02:23:06.000 People love it.
02:23:06.000 I'll tell you, people never got more mad at me than me giving Tony a hard time for liking wrestling.
02:23:11.000 Oh, yeah.
02:23:11.000 Those wrestling fans are dire.
02:23:13.000 They were so mad at me.
02:23:14.000 Yeah.
02:23:15.000 They were so mean.
02:23:16.000 I mean, it's great, though.
02:23:20.000 It was fun in high school, man, I'll tell you that.
02:23:22.000 I had a friend in high school who was training to become a wrestler, and I remember people would give him shit about it all the time, and then he was like, no man, wrestling training camp's no joke.
02:23:31.000 And then he came in, he took his shirt off, and he had just bruises.
02:23:34.000 Because I guess when they would practice, they would hit each other as hard as possible, so they know exactly how hard it is that they're going to get hit.
02:23:43.000 You know what I mean?
02:23:43.000 So they can judge the play.
02:23:44.000 Oh, like palms?
02:23:45.000 Like palming off of each other?
02:23:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:23:47.000 And they would just practice that over and over and they'd practice, you know, the falls and stuff and like how to get it right and stuff.
02:23:52.000 But yeah, if they fuck up, they really can hurt themselves, you know?
02:23:56.000 Yeah, they definitely can.
02:23:57.000 I mean, wrestling involves a lot of contact.
02:24:01.000 It's so brutal on the body.
02:24:03.000 All those wrestlers, at some point in time, wind up getting badly injured.
02:24:07.000 Like Dan Gable, who's one of the greatest, if not the greatest of all time, he's got all kinds of replacements, camp replacements and all that kind of crazy shit.
02:24:15.000 He just had this indomitable will that sort of outran his own joints.
02:24:19.000 He loved entertaining the people.
02:24:21.000 Yeah, he was an animal, man.
02:24:22.000 That guy was phenomenal.
02:24:23.000 The movie The Wrestler is one of my dad's favorite movies, and I remember watching that with him.
02:24:27.000 Me and my dad love to go watch movies.
02:24:28.000 It's kind of like our thing.
02:24:29.000 It's how we bond.
02:24:30.000 You know, I never saw that.
02:24:31.000 That was the Mickey Rourke one.
02:24:32.000 I saw a scene from it, and that was it.
02:24:35.000 I always wanted to.
02:24:36.000 I never sat down and watched it.
02:24:39.000 It's so funny.
02:24:40.000 It was like I just watched a grown man cry.
02:24:41.000 Like I watched my dad just cry.
02:24:43.000 Me and my dad can't...
02:24:45.000 I mean, I love my dad to death, but when we watch like father-son movies, anything like that, it's always a tearjerker for him.
02:24:52.000 Me too.
02:24:52.000 I'm the same way.
02:24:54.000 That's awesome.
02:24:55.000 It's hilarious.
02:24:55.000 I couldn't watch Pursuit of Happiness.
02:24:57.000 Which one's that?
02:24:58.000 It was Will Smith and the Kid.
02:24:59.000 Oh, when it becomes homeless?
02:25:01.000 Fuck that.
02:25:02.000 Oh, yeah.
02:25:02.000 I was like...
02:25:03.000 No, no, no.
02:25:04.000 You're not going to do that to me.
02:25:05.000 I'll tell you what you were telling...
02:25:06.000 I'll give away a giant spoiler alert if I say this, but I tried to watch that movie that we were talking about, The Arrival, or Arrival, whatever it is.
02:25:15.000 I tried to watch it.
02:25:15.000 I got through the first scene.
02:25:16.000 I'm like, fuck you.
02:25:17.000 Shut it off.
02:25:18.000 Shut it off.
02:25:19.000 Not interested anymore.
02:25:21.000 You're not gonna play my heart strings.
02:25:28.000 Did you cry during Armageddon?
02:25:33.000 Just the asteroid?
02:25:34.000 Nope.
02:25:35.000 Knew it was fake.
02:25:37.000 Didn't get me at all.
02:25:38.000 I knew the other one was fake too.
02:25:39.000 Deep Impact, that was fake as fuck too.
02:25:41.000 Oh yeah, that was terrible.
02:25:43.000 Do you think the people from Deep Impact meet people that are fans of Armageddon?
02:25:47.000 They go, oh my god, I love you from that Bruce Willis movie.
02:25:50.000 You're like, fuck you bitch!
02:25:51.000 I was in the other one!
02:25:52.000 It came out a few months ago, but we came out first.
02:25:55.000 We were out first.
02:25:56.000 Armageddon's bullshit.
02:25:58.000 Well, I thought that Armageddon, they had the idea first.
02:26:00.000 No, no, no, no!
02:26:01.000 That's the propaganda!
02:26:02.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:26:02.000 That's fake news.
02:26:03.000 It's fake news.
02:26:05.000 Bruce Willis, man.
02:26:07.000 Yeah.
02:26:08.000 He just said, I'm good.
02:26:09.000 Yeah.
02:26:09.000 Stop.
02:26:10.000 Just chill.
02:26:11.000 Probably just go surfing and shit.
02:26:13.000 Yeah, man.
02:26:14.000 What does he do now?
02:26:14.000 Is he still acting?
02:26:17.000 Yeah, he was...
02:26:18.000 I don't know.
02:26:19.000 What are you gonna say?
02:26:20.000 Nothing.
02:26:20.000 You were gonna say something.
02:26:22.000 Spoiler alert.
02:26:23.000 Oh yeah!
02:26:25.000 That's true.
02:26:27.000 Yeah, I can't wait.
02:26:28.000 Keep your trap shut.
02:26:33.000 You don't want to ruin it for everybody.
02:26:35.000 Yeah, he's always been, like, that guy.
02:26:38.000 There's, like, some dudes that get attached.
02:26:40.000 It's really kind of fascinating when you think about how many people there are and think how many dudes get attached to, like, that action movie genre.
02:26:47.000 Oh.
02:26:47.000 Like, Bruce Willis, like, boom!
02:26:49.000 Die hard!
02:26:50.000 You know, like, he was the guy for the action movie snarky action star who figured out how to save everybody.
02:26:57.000 Yeah, that first Die Hard, man.
02:26:59.000 What was the one, the football one with Damon Wayans?
02:27:02.000 Right above there.
02:27:03.000 The last Boy Scouts.
02:27:05.000 That was another one he did.
02:27:06.000 And he's always this troubled cop.
02:27:09.000 Blending pizza up with milk for breakfast, you know?
02:27:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:27:13.000 You know what I mean?
02:27:13.000 He puts an egg in it.
02:27:14.000 Yeah.
02:27:15.000 He was always that guy smoking a cigarette.
02:27:18.000 Well, I guess we're just going to have to find out.
02:27:21.000 Yeah, he was the same dude in 16 Bucks.
02:27:23.000 Dude, he's in a gang of movies like that.
02:27:25.000 The same dude in Pulp Fiction, right?
02:27:28.000 He played that boxer.
02:27:29.000 Yeah.
02:27:30.000 Dude, he was great.
02:27:31.000 Hudson Hawk, man.
02:27:33.000 Bruce Willis has been in some good fucking movies, man.
02:27:36.000 Yeah, he is.
02:27:36.000 What was the one with the kid?
02:27:38.000 Oh, it was the kid.
02:27:39.000 No, the one with, um, that's true.
02:27:42.000 He was in a movie called The Kid.
02:27:44.000 The one where he's a ghost.
02:27:46.000 Mercury Wright?
02:27:47.000 Oh, Sixth Sense.
02:27:48.000 Sixth Sense, yeah.
02:27:48.000 He's in a lot of movies with kids.
02:27:50.000 That movie was fucked up.
02:27:52.000 That movie was like, whoa, what is this?
02:27:55.000 I think M. Night's coming back.
02:27:57.000 Um, I don't know about all that, dude.
02:28:00.000 That Village movie made me done with him.
02:28:02.000 I cleaned my fucking hands.
02:28:03.000 No, I get it.
02:28:04.000 Someone put it this way.
02:28:05.000 M. Night's like the girlfriend you know better than you should come back to.
02:28:09.000 Yeah, you know better.
02:28:11.000 Fuck her, man.
02:28:13.000 I like it.
02:28:14.000 I actually liked that elevator movie in parts.
02:28:17.000 I enjoyed the ride.
02:28:18.000 I did.
02:28:19.000 I didn't think it was the most satisfying way to end it.
02:28:21.000 Yeah.
02:28:22.000 How do you end a movie about, you know, an evil elevator?
02:28:25.000 Yeah.
02:28:25.000 You know?
02:28:26.000 You know what I'm saying?
02:28:27.000 Yeah.
02:28:28.000 They did their best.
02:28:30.000 Photo booth kept my attention for a movie being in just the whole time.
02:28:34.000 It's about a photo booth.
02:28:36.000 Is that the Robin Williams one?
02:28:39.000 No, no.
02:28:39.000 Who's the crazy guy?
02:28:40.000 Who's the photo guy?
02:28:42.000 That was a good one.
02:28:42.000 I misspoke and I meant to say phone booth.
02:28:45.000 Oh, phone booth.
02:28:47.000 Fucking Colin Farrell.
02:28:48.000 Colin Farrell.
02:28:48.000 It was on the other day.
02:28:50.000 I saw it and I took my friends to see it and they were mad at me.
02:28:52.000 It was buried with...
02:28:55.000 Ryan Reynolds.
02:28:56.000 He's locked and he's buried in a coffin the whole movie.
02:28:59.000 Oh yeah, I never saw that.
02:29:00.000 It's kind of hard to watch.
02:29:00.000 It's really claustrophobic.
02:29:02.000 Fuck that.
02:29:04.000 Not interested.
02:29:05.000 I don't need to see evil shit to make me feel bad.
02:29:08.000 Show me some shit that's not real.
02:29:10.000 You know?
02:29:11.000 I know!
02:29:11.000 Like when we're talking about Avatar, like Steven Crowder got upset about Avatar.
02:29:15.000 What?
02:29:16.000 Why?
02:29:16.000 He thought Avatar was like a propaganda movie.
02:29:18.000 I was like, look, dude, that's an awesome movie about blue aliens.
02:29:22.000 That movie was awesome.
02:29:23.000 They flew dragons.
02:29:24.000 I loved it.
02:29:25.000 It was in 3D. I got to see it in IMAX. That shit was awesome.
02:29:29.000 My mama...
02:29:30.000 My mom does that too all the time.
02:29:32.000 She watches The Matrix and she'll read into it too much.
02:29:34.000 She's like, it's about China and America going to war.
02:29:37.000 It's an anti-capitalism movie.
02:29:39.000 I can't be here for this.
02:29:40.000 This is propaganda.
02:29:41.000 No, it's a movie about big blue people that fly dragons, you fuck.
02:29:45.000 This is a wonderful movie.
02:29:47.000 This movie's fun.
02:29:49.000 People get so caught up in that, though.
02:29:51.000 Oh, yeah.
02:29:52.000 They don't want to support those goddamn lefties and their crazy ideas about blue people.
02:29:56.000 The blue people deserve to live.
02:29:58.000 Giant blue people that ride dragons, shoot bows and arrows.
02:30:02.000 That movie was the shit.
02:30:03.000 It was so good.
02:30:04.000 So good.
02:30:05.000 The only thing I'm bummed out about is they're gonna do part two is gonna be underwater, so that means no bows and arrows.
02:30:11.000 That's bullshit.
02:30:12.000 They'll have harpoons.
02:30:13.000 Yeah, I like bows and arrows better, man.
02:30:17.000 That was a badass movie, man.
02:30:18.000 That was a great movie.
02:30:19.000 I just don't understand people who couldn't appreciate that.
02:30:23.000 I don't know.
02:30:23.000 I feel like it's one of those things where people just have gotten to this point where they're like, I don't want to say my opinion matters so much, but it's like no one can just enjoy something anymore.
02:30:31.000 Everyone always has to have either a shitty opinion on it or a really, really not so shitty opinion on it.
02:30:37.000 Well, I see people use all sorts of different things to sort of make their point.
02:30:41.000 And I see if you were trying to make your point about some anti-corporate movie, you would see like this.
02:30:46.000 But what I see is dynamics that make a good storyline where you're invested in the plot.
02:30:52.000 I'm not looking at it as a propaganda film because it's in fucking space and they have floating islands and none of that's real.
02:31:01.000 The dragons aren't real either.
02:31:03.000 It's not real.
02:31:04.000 Yeah.
02:31:05.000 That marine guy's not a real person.
02:31:07.000 Like when people freaked out over the Star Wars movie.
02:31:09.000 Ah, it's so amazing.
02:31:10.000 It's not real!
02:31:11.000 What do you care, you fucks?
02:31:13.000 Yeah.
02:31:13.000 And people are getting mad that they're trying to force diversity into Star Wars movies.
02:31:17.000 Oh, let me guess.
02:31:18.000 You gotta have the girl running things.
02:31:19.000 You gotta have the black guy who's a fucking stormtrooper.
02:31:23.000 I see what you're doing, Hollywood.
02:31:25.000 See what you're doing.
02:31:27.000 You're trying to fuck with what we like!
02:31:29.000 Try to take away our glory.
02:31:31.000 Haha.
02:31:32.000 Glory of white people dominating science fiction movies.
02:31:35.000 Has anybody dominated any genre more than white people have dominated science fiction movies?
02:31:40.000 I come to you.
02:31:41.000 It's so true.
02:31:41.000 I come to you with a sincere question.
02:31:44.000 You want to talk about a lack of diversity.
02:31:47.000 Black guys in science fiction movies have zero chance of survival.
02:31:51.000 They get...
02:31:51.000 It is like zero.
02:31:52.000 Eating first.
02:31:53.000 Right?
02:31:53.000 That fucking dude in Alien, that really cool black dude who got sweaty all the time.
02:31:58.000 Favorite one.
02:31:59.000 He got jacked pretty quick.
02:32:01.000 He didn't make it very deep, did he?
02:32:03.000 He didn't get killed first, though.
02:32:05.000 I think he got second.
02:32:06.000 Did he get second?
02:32:08.000 Super normal.
02:32:09.000 Think of all the big-time science fiction movies.
02:32:12.000 Dune?
02:32:14.000 Well, Dune is...
02:32:15.000 Then you're getting weird, though, because that's The Rock.
02:32:18.000 No, no, Dune.
02:32:19.000 Dune.
02:32:20.000 Oh, Dune.
02:32:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:32:21.000 Those are all white people.
02:32:22.000 That's a good one.
02:32:23.000 That's a perfect one.
02:32:23.000 That's a great one.
02:32:24.000 That's a good one.
02:32:27.000 Paul Mooney used to have a great joke about this.
02:32:30.000 He used to have a great joke about LeVar Burton on Star Wars.
02:32:34.000 They finally put one on TV, they make him blind.
02:32:40.000 I'm totally taking it out of, you know, because he used a lot of N-bombs.
02:32:43.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:32:44.000 But, uh, it was hilarious.
02:32:46.000 It's fucking funny and true.
02:32:48.000 It's true.
02:32:48.000 It's Lieutenant Uhura.
02:32:49.000 She's basically a secretary.
02:32:51.000 Stay buried at desk, ho.
02:32:53.000 Captain Kirk's out here saving the day.
02:32:55.000 You know, I mean, that's really what it was.
02:32:57.000 She's the one who...
02:32:58.000 Yeah, I mean, she would take the call.
02:32:59.000 Sir, it's the aliens.
02:33:01.000 They're on the other line.
02:33:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:33:02.000 She was the one doing all the clerical work.
02:33:06.000 Yeah, right?
02:33:07.000 You know, she wasn't Captain Kirk's equal.
02:33:09.000 Mm-hmm.
02:33:10.000 Okay, and there's that Klingon.
02:33:12.000 There's LeVar Burton with his goggles.
02:33:13.000 And there's the Klingon.
02:33:14.000 Now, the Klingon is super questionable.
02:33:17.000 Is that a black guy that has a terrible alien thing going on?
02:33:21.000 I mean, are we looking at diversity?
02:33:22.000 And did they balance off that guy on the far right and make him whiter to sort of balance it out?
02:33:26.000 Because that guy's white as fuck.
02:33:27.000 Oh, yeah.
02:33:28.000 He's supposed to be a robot, right?
02:33:30.000 But tell me you can make an android that looks exactly like a person, but you can't make his face not white as fuck?
02:33:35.000 That's ridiculous.
02:33:35.000 His goddamn hands are normal color.
02:33:37.000 How come you idiots only painted his face?
02:33:39.000 Why don't you paint his fucking hands?
02:33:41.000 His hands are nice and pink.
02:33:42.000 And it's also like, why is the white guy so logical?
02:33:45.000 And, you know, the other guy's just so...
02:33:46.000 He comes from a race of, like, aggressive.
02:33:48.000 Well, LeVar Burton was super logical, too, though, isn't he?
02:33:51.000 Yeah.
02:33:51.000 Yeah, LeVar Burton was super smart on that show.
02:33:53.000 But yeah, science fiction and black people.
02:33:56.000 What else?
02:33:57.000 Alien, the movie Alien?
02:33:59.000 No black people.
02:34:00.000 Ender's Game actually had a great- Aliens, rather.
02:34:03.000 What was Ender's Game?
02:34:04.000 Ender's Game?
02:34:04.000 If you read the book, because the author, there's a lot of skepticism of where his politicalness lies, but they would say- I don't think that's a word, sorry.
02:34:14.000 I know, I made it up.
02:34:16.000 They say that he references a lot and talks a lot about the Vietnam War in the Ender's Game book.
02:34:23.000 They say that the certain races that he's talking about, he alludes to them being the Vietnamese.
02:34:29.000 I think.
02:34:29.000 I could be making all this up, probably.
02:34:31.000 Interesting.
02:34:32.000 But Ender's Game's a really good movie.
02:34:34.000 But at the end of it, it's all about, like, this alien race that's eventually coming to attack, and they have these kids do this game, but the whole time, spoiler alert, they're actually fighting, and they're controlling the ships from the game.
02:34:46.000 Jesus Christ, man.
02:34:47.000 It's an amazing book.
02:34:49.000 And a decent movie?
02:34:50.000 I actually haven't seen the movie.
02:34:52.000 It's all white people.
02:34:53.000 Yeah.
02:34:53.000 But that other guy, the Indian fella, what's that guy's name?
02:34:57.000 Ben Kingsley?
02:34:57.000 Yeah, Ben Kingsley.
02:34:59.000 Isn't he Indian?
02:34:59.000 I think he just played Gandhi.
02:35:01.000 Yeah, he just played Gandhi.
02:35:02.000 No, that's what he is, bro.
02:35:04.000 Come on, bro.
02:35:04.000 That's how he talks.
02:35:05.000 He's an Englishman then, right?
02:35:06.000 Isn't he?
02:35:06.000 Yeah, I think so.
02:35:07.000 Isn't he of Indian descent in some way?
02:35:09.000 I'll double check.
02:35:09.000 You ever see that one movie that he was in?
02:35:11.000 He played this badass gangster.
02:35:12.000 It's a really good movie.
02:35:13.000 Yeah, he's played a lot of really badass gangsters.
02:35:15.000 But he played this really mean gangster.
02:35:18.000 What does it say here?
02:35:19.000 He's an English actor from the UK. Just English?
02:35:21.000 Hmm.
02:35:22.000 So I'm making things up.
02:35:23.000 He did play Gandhi, though.
02:35:25.000 Oh, no, no.
02:35:25.000 Look at his name.
02:35:26.000 He looks Indian.
02:35:26.000 Born Krishna.
02:35:27.000 Oh, yeah.
02:35:28.000 Okay, he is Indian.
02:35:29.000 Jesus Christ.
02:35:30.000 Early life.
02:35:31.000 Of course.
02:35:33.000 But what was that movie?
02:35:35.000 Go to that...
02:35:35.000 See, find that movie that he played in where...
02:35:37.000 His father was born in Kenya, sorry.
02:35:38.000 Oh, okay.
02:35:38.000 Go to his movies and find that there's one movie that he played.
02:35:41.000 It was a really obscure movie.
02:35:42.000 It was a really good movie where he played a gangster.
02:35:45.000 He plays a drunk hitman, I think, in one movie.
02:35:47.000 Are those his movies?
02:35:48.000 No, this is one that he won awards for.
02:35:49.000 Oh, Jesus Christ, that guy won a lot of awards.
02:35:52.000 Dude, he's the best.
02:35:53.000 Go to Filmography right there.
02:35:55.000 46 movies.
02:35:56.000 Jesus Christ.
02:35:58.000 Yeah, he was in Shutter Island.
02:36:00.000 Yeah, keep going, keep going.
02:36:02.000 See if I can find that movie.
02:36:03.000 Sexy Beast, that's it.
02:36:05.000 To your left.
02:36:06.000 There, right there.
02:36:07.000 Bam.
02:36:07.000 It's in 2000. Great fucking movie.
02:36:09.000 He plays a psychopath.
02:36:11.000 And you would go, what?
02:36:12.000 That guy?
02:36:13.000 That guy seems so peaceful.
02:36:15.000 He fucking knocks it out of the park.
02:36:16.000 He's awesome.
02:36:18.000 It's a really, really crazy movie, man.
02:36:20.000 He played a fucking complete nut.
02:36:22.000 It was great.
02:36:23.000 I like an actor that can play a villain that plays it so well that I'll still hate the actor afterwards.
02:36:30.000 Yeah, I know what you mean.
02:36:32.000 Yeah.
02:36:33.000 Yeah.
02:36:34.000 Well, that's the weird thing about watching an actor, right?
02:36:37.000 It's like you're agreeing.
02:36:38.000 You know that that's Tom Cruise.
02:36:39.000 Yeah.
02:36:39.000 But you're agreeing that he's on a spaceship and he's targeting, you know.
02:36:43.000 You can, like, The Day After Tomorrow, is that what?
02:36:45.000 What is the name?
02:36:46.000 The Tomorrow movie?
02:36:47.000 The Day After Tomorrow.
02:36:48.000 Yeah, they changed the name, too.
02:36:49.000 It's Day After Tomorrow, and there's like a weird subtitle on it, too.
02:36:54.000 Which is, in my opinion, one of the most overlooked science fiction movies ever.
02:36:58.000 Mm-hmm.
02:36:58.000 It was a brilliant movie.
02:37:00.000 Oh, no, that's Edge of Tomorrow.
02:37:01.000 Edge of Tomorrow, that's right.
02:37:03.000 Edge of Tomorrow.
02:37:03.000 Which one?
02:37:03.000 Day of Tomorrow is like a...
02:37:05.000 What is that one?
02:37:05.000 End of the world.
02:37:06.000 Yeah, that was...
02:37:07.000 With the Quaid fella.
02:37:08.000 With the Quaid fella, yeah.
02:37:09.000 Yeah, that was a super bad movie.
02:37:12.000 That End of the World movie, that was so bad.
02:37:15.000 I love bad movies, too, because then you can just laugh at them the whole time.
02:37:17.000 The Day After Tomorrow, right?
02:37:18.000 That's what it was called.
02:37:19.000 Yeah, it's also called Live, Die, Repeat.
02:37:20.000 Oh, yeah.
02:37:22.000 Okay.
02:37:23.000 That's a great science fiction movie, though.
02:37:25.000 And it is white as fuck.
02:37:27.000 It's just chock full of white people.
02:37:30.000 They're chock full of white people.
02:37:32.000 Oblivion?
02:37:33.000 I think...
02:37:33.000 Oh, it was Elysium.
02:37:34.000 Sorry.
02:37:34.000 Yeah.
02:37:35.000 Elysium.
02:37:35.000 Yeah.
02:37:36.000 Tom Cruise did that movie, Edge of Tomorrow, and then he also did Oblivion, I think, like within months of each other.
02:37:42.000 Wow.
02:37:43.000 Oh, yeah.
02:37:43.000 They probably were confusing as fuck, right?
02:37:45.000 Yeah.
02:37:46.000 Because they're both science fiction movies.
02:37:47.000 Mm-hmm.
02:37:48.000 Hmm.
02:37:49.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.
02:37:51.000 That was a good movie, too.
02:37:53.000 Yeah, man.
02:37:53.000 There's been some good ones.
02:37:55.000 But with a guy like Tom Cruise, when you watch it, you know it's Tom Cruise.
02:38:00.000 I mean, that's a weird thing that we do.
02:38:03.000 You know that's Morgan Freeman.
02:38:04.000 There's Morgan Freeman.
02:38:05.000 I know it's Morgan Freeman, but I'm going to pretend that he's this dude who runs this planet, and he wants to talk to Tom Cruise.
02:38:12.000 Alright, man.
02:38:13.000 I gotta wrap this bitch up.
02:38:14.000 I gotta get the fuck out of here.
02:38:15.000 We were supposed to end earlier.
02:38:16.000 I had a meeting that I blew off.
02:38:18.000 Oh, no way.
02:38:19.000 Sorry, I didn't mean to see you.
02:38:19.000 Make some adjustments now.
02:38:20.000 I didn't realize.
02:38:21.000 We were talking so long.
02:38:22.000 I thought it was 12.30 and it was 1.30.
02:38:24.000 I didn't mean to crowd her yet.
02:38:25.000 Dude, it was awesome.
02:38:26.000 Please.
02:38:27.000 Thank you.
02:38:27.000 Good times.
02:38:27.000 Congratulations.
02:38:28.000 Thank you so much.
02:38:29.000 And it's always awesome having you at the store and always awesome.
02:38:32.000 I'm glad we're doing these shows.
02:38:33.000 Frank's going to be with me this weekend, tonight and tomorrow in Oxnard.
02:38:37.000 So find people of Oxnard tonight and tomorrow.
02:38:40.000 It's Ian Edwards, Frank and me, and we'll see you there.
02:38:43.000 All right.
02:38:44.000 See you later.
02:38:44.000 Bye.
02:38:44.000 See you guys.