The Joe Rogan Experience - May 26, 2017


Joe Rogan Experience #966 - Tom Papa


Episode Stats

Length

3 hours and 5 minutes

Words per Minute

197.09978

Word Count

36,608

Sentence Count

4,306

Misogynist Sentences

133


Summary

This week, the boys talk about all the cool stuff you can find at the Jersey Shore with a metal detector and flip flops. They also talk about some of the craziest things they ve ever found in their lives, including a Viking treasure hoard worth millions of dollars worth of gold and other cool stuff they ve never even heard of before. Also, the guys talk about what they would do if they found a fossil or ancient artefact they were lucky enough to have stumbled across in their childhood. And, of course, they talk about the fact that they have no idea what they re going to do with the fossil they ve found, and that they ll probably lose it in the next storm. Just pay the 2.95 postage and you re good to go! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Art: Mackenzie Moore. Music: Hayden Coplen. Editor: Patrick Muldowney. Mixing by Haley Shaw. Editing by Will Witwer. Cover art by Ian McKirdy. We are working on transcribing this episode of the podcast and putting it on a website. Please rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts and other podcasting platforms. Subscribe to our podcast on Podchaser.fm and review us on iTunes. Thank you so much for all the support and shout out to our sponsors! Please rate and review our work! and spread the word out to your friends and family about this podcast on social media! We really appreciate it. Thank you for all your support and support us! - we really really appreciate all the love, support us. - it really means a lot, really really helps us out there. XOXOXO - Thank you very much and we appreciate it a lot. Timestamps: - Tom Papa is a big thanks to you, Tom Papa. and the boys really appreciates it, too much, and we really appreciate you, too, really, really much, really good thanks you, very much, thank you, much appreciate you. xoxo, Matt, too. Matt, Jack, Sarah, Mattie, and the Crew. Love you, Sarah and the gang, Jack, Mike, etc., etc. - Jack, Kristy, JUICY, etc.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Go to the Jersey Shore.
00:00:06.000 Three, two, one...
00:00:09.000 The great Tom Papa will be at the Jersey Shore this weekend.
00:00:14.000 Do you ever get do gigs down there?
00:00:15.000 With flip flops.
00:00:17.000 And a metal detector.
00:00:18.000 And a metal detector.
00:00:20.000 Do you know anybody's ever scored with a metal detector?
00:00:22.000 No.
00:00:23.000 I mean, scored like found like a bottle cap.
00:00:26.000 Yeah, like a Civil War belt buckle or some shit.
00:00:29.000 Never.
00:00:30.000 Never.
00:00:30.000 I had one when I was a kid.
00:00:32.000 Did you?
00:00:32.000 Because I used to go to the Jersey Shore.
00:00:34.000 It was orange.
00:00:35.000 And I would get it.
00:00:38.000 And no earphones or anything.
00:00:42.000 I would just walk out on the beach with it.
00:00:43.000 Never found anything.
00:00:44.000 What's the earphones?
00:00:45.000 Did they tell you when the frequency is different?
00:00:47.000 It has a different sound?
00:00:50.000 Yeah, you're just going along.
00:00:51.000 So it's just like the frequency of the beeps?
00:00:53.000 Yeah, it's like hot, hotter, hotter, hotter, hotter, hotter.
00:00:56.000 Burning hot, you're there.
00:00:57.000 How good do those things work?
00:00:59.000 I've never looked into metal detectors.
00:01:01.000 I don't know.
00:01:02.000 But you know, like...
00:01:03.000 If you take that to the Appalachian Trail or where the Civil War went down and that kind of stuff, you'd find stuff.
00:01:12.000 Oh, I guarantee you.
00:01:13.000 Yeah.
00:01:13.000 I guarantee you.
00:01:14.000 See, what is the most sophisticated current I just looked this up.
00:01:19.000 This guy just found something a couple weeks ago.
00:01:20.000 Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
00:01:21.000 Two million dollars worth of Viking gold.
00:01:23.000 Oh my god.
00:01:25.000 Oh, who's laughing now?
00:01:26.000 It's two million pounds.
00:01:27.000 What is that?
00:01:28.000 Is that four million dollars?
00:01:29.000 That's like 20 bucks.
00:01:31.000 Is that four million?
00:01:33.000 Is it double?
00:01:34.000 It's like one and a half to two times.
00:01:36.000 Jesus Christ.
00:01:37.000 Viking treasure hoard.
00:01:39.000 What has he got in that photo?
00:01:41.000 Oh, that's his metal detector.
00:01:43.000 Wow.
00:01:43.000 It's a janky-looking metal detector, too.
00:01:45.000 Looks like it's all duct taped together and shit.
00:01:47.000 It's like he's been using it a long time.
00:01:49.000 And this dude found millions of dollars in Viking finds.
00:01:52.000 That's pretty great.
00:01:54.000 Oh, man.
00:01:54.000 I found nothing.
00:01:55.000 I found, like, a bottle cap, and it's exciting.
00:01:58.000 Like, when you hear it, it's like...
00:02:00.000 Look at all the shit he found.
00:02:02.000 Look at that vase.
00:02:03.000 Look at that ring.
00:02:04.000 That's cool.
00:02:04.000 That's like the Hobbit ring.
00:02:06.000 Wow.
00:02:07.000 10th century gold ring.
00:02:09.000 Oh my god.
00:02:10.000 Isn't that cool that the ring was...
00:02:12.000 That's insane.
00:02:13.000 Yeah.
00:02:14.000 A 10th century gold ring.
00:02:18.000 That's pretty great.
00:02:18.000 Somebody wore that.
00:02:20.000 You just gotta walk in the right places.
00:02:22.000 I'm in the Jersey Shore, you know what I mean?
00:02:23.000 There wasn't...
00:02:24.000 My dad lives in Florida on the Treasure Coast, they call it, which is like the Atlantic, mid-Atlantic, or halfway up and down Florida.
00:02:30.000 So like every time there's hurricanes, the people are always out on the beach looking for stuff because shit gets washed up off the bottom.
00:02:36.000 A bunch of treasure chests or wrecks like in the Bermuda Triangle.
00:02:39.000 So like the pirate treasure gets wiped up onto the beach.
00:02:43.000 There's something about finding that, though.
00:02:44.000 Like if you went to a museum and you saw a ring from the 9th century, Or the 10th century, whatever it is.
00:02:50.000 You'd probably be like, wow, that's incredible.
00:02:53.000 But if you fucking found it in the dirt and you picked it up, and it's maybe likely, I mean, there's at least a possibility the last person that touched it was the person that died there.
00:03:03.000 Huge.
00:03:04.000 Huge possibility.
00:03:05.000 Huge.
00:03:06.000 I mean, how great would that, the feeling would have been amazing.
00:03:10.000 Fuck.
00:03:10.000 Fuck, it's crazy.
00:03:10.000 Did you ever find a fossil?
00:03:11.000 Did you ever find a fossil when you were a kid walking around?
00:03:13.000 Not really.
00:03:14.000 I found an arrowhead, though.
00:03:16.000 That's the same thing.
00:03:16.000 Legit arrowhead.
00:03:17.000 Porn shoot?
00:03:18.000 Yeah.
00:03:18.000 Yeah, excited.
00:03:19.000 Yes, it was in Nevada, bow hunting, and I found an arrowhead.
00:03:22.000 Oh, wow.
00:03:23.000 And I lost it.
00:03:24.000 It's so sad.
00:03:25.000 That's terrible.
00:03:26.000 So sad.
00:03:26.000 I think you're actually supposed to leave them there.
00:03:29.000 So it's probably karma.
00:03:30.000 But I'm like, leave it here.
00:03:31.000 This is a trail.
00:03:32.000 Anybody's gonna find it.
00:03:33.000 This is stupid.
00:03:34.000 Like, if you want me to bring it to a museum or something, that's one thing.
00:03:37.000 Right.
00:03:37.000 But just say, just leave it there?
00:03:39.000 Fuck off.
00:03:39.000 Yeah, someone else is gonna come take it.
00:03:41.000 No one's gonna leave it there.
00:03:43.000 Did I ever tell you the story of my brother-in-law who uses metal detector?
00:03:49.000 And his friends, married couple, I think newly married, went hiking in the Grand Tetons and she lost her ring.
00:03:58.000 She lost her engagement ring.
00:04:01.000 He was going out there like a month from then and he went out and he took his metal detector and he hiked along the same trail and he comes back to New Jersey and his buddies in the bar and he just sits down next to him at the bar and tosses the ring on the bar.
00:04:16.000 Holy shit!
00:04:18.000 Found it.
00:04:18.000 Holy shit.
00:04:19.000 Hiking, yeah.
00:04:21.000 Wow, what are the odds?
00:04:22.000 Yeah.
00:04:22.000 Like, of all the steps she could have taken?
00:04:24.000 Yeah.
00:04:24.000 All the places she could have gone?
00:04:25.000 I mean, they probably told her what trail that he, you know, they took or whatever.
00:04:30.000 But still, the whole trail?
00:04:32.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:04:33.000 Can you imagine someone telling you I lost my wedding ring on this trail?
00:04:36.000 Somewhere.
00:04:36.000 Please go find it.
00:04:37.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
00:04:38.000 That's gone.
00:04:39.000 Yeah.
00:04:40.000 The great move is not calling and saying, holy shit, I found it.
00:04:42.000 Just showing up at your local bar and just ding.
00:04:45.000 That's pretty gangster.
00:04:46.000 Yeah, it's pretty bad.
00:04:46.000 What is the state-of-the-art consumer model metal detector?
00:04:50.000 Maybe I should have a metal detector dude come on here and talk to me about what the fuck they do.
00:04:54.000 That would be cool.
00:04:55.000 Because I guess it's got to be exciting, right?
00:04:57.000 Especially places like the beach where stuff washes up.
00:05:00.000 Yeah.
00:05:01.000 Do you have to wear sandals when you do it?
00:05:02.000 You must.
00:05:03.000 You must have a certain body odor, too.
00:05:06.000 Like a mildewy, bittery, sort of a soury, milky.
00:05:11.000 You smell a little like ham.
00:05:13.000 The Garrett Ace.
00:05:14.000 Is this supposed to be the shit?
00:05:16.000 Ooh, yeah, look how it popped up pretty high.
00:05:18.000 That goes on your forearm, right?
00:05:20.000 That weight.
00:05:21.000 So for $340, you could find 2 million pounds worth of Viking stuff.
00:05:27.000 Look at that thing.
00:05:28.000 It's cheap.
00:05:29.000 Is that the best one?
00:05:31.000 See if there's like some fucking Cadillac of metal detectors.
00:05:35.000 They have a pro model.
00:05:36.000 Ooh, what's the pro model?
00:05:37.000 Look, it comes with a pro.
00:05:38.000 Waterproof.
00:05:38.000 Well, ever since I went pro, things changed.
00:05:41.000 Gold waterproof.
00:05:42.000 Jesus Christ.
00:05:43.000 Oh, you went pro?
00:05:44.000 I went pro, bro.
00:05:45.000 You know, after the Viking gold thing, I'm like, obviously, I'm blessed.
00:05:50.000 Oh, totally, dude.
00:05:51.000 Totally.
00:05:52.000 But what does that mean?
00:05:52.000 Do you have a sponsor?
00:05:54.000 Yo, bro, I'm pro.
00:05:54.000 Oh, man.
00:05:55.000 Making money off of a fighting ship.
00:05:57.000 You can take it under a river.
00:05:58.000 You can take it underwater.
00:05:59.000 Whoa, that's deep.
00:06:00.000 Wow.
00:06:01.000 That's actually pretty badass.
00:06:03.000 You know what, though?
00:06:05.000 It's not all that badass.
00:06:06.000 There's something corny about it.
00:06:08.000 Even the best ones, it's still like, yeah.
00:06:12.000 It's definitely like, it's in the fanny pack realm, which I endorse, but it's like, what?
00:06:18.000 What are you doing here?
00:06:19.000 Exactly.
00:06:20.000 What are you giving up?
00:06:20.000 Oh, this one's $799.
00:06:22.000 Oh, it's $8,000.
00:06:23.000 Oh, is it?
00:06:24.000 $8,000?
00:06:25.000 $8,000.
00:06:26.000 Oh, there you go.
00:06:27.000 Gold Nugget Metal Detector.
00:06:30.000 A mine lab.
00:06:31.000 It's a mine lab GPZ. Go up into Northern California where all the gold mines were.
00:06:38.000 That'd be cool.
00:06:39.000 Oh yeah, that's a move, right?
00:06:40.000 Yeah.
00:06:41.000 So how does that fucking thing work?
00:06:42.000 Because that works different that only picks up gold?
00:06:45.000 You said it on gold.
00:06:46.000 Yeah, this other one had, like, on the top of the meter, it has specific for, like, gold, iron, silver.
00:06:51.000 Oh, it gives you different readings?
00:06:52.000 Yeah, and then this thing's called a pinpointer, whatever that is.
00:06:55.000 Oh, whoa.
00:06:55.000 I'm only interested in gold.
00:06:57.000 See, I guarantee you this is one of those things that there's a fucking rabbit hole, and you start with this, and next thing you know, you're getting Miner Magazine in the mail.
00:07:06.000 Yeah.
00:07:06.000 And you're subscribing to these websites where people go on these metal detector runs.
00:07:12.000 Your wife comes into the den and you have a miner's helmet with a light on it.
00:07:17.000 Aren't you coming to bed?
00:07:20.000 In a minute, honey.
00:07:21.000 For real, like what?
00:07:24.000 Then you find out about a treasure somewhere and you go investigate.
00:07:27.000 But I can find it.
00:07:28.000 Oh, yeah.
00:07:29.000 Well, have you ever seen those documentaries on those guys that are professional shipwreck hunters?
00:07:34.000 No.
00:07:35.000 Dude, there's real crazy money in that.
00:07:39.000 Really?
00:07:39.000 And if they know where a Viking ship went down or a Roman ship went down, they know where they're pretty sure that there's some gold.
00:07:46.000 There's been several times that they have...
00:07:47.000 Let's find out, actually, what the biggest bounty was.
00:07:50.000 Let's take a guess.
00:07:52.000 Well, you've got to figure the technology's probably just improved, right, in, like, the last 30 years.
00:07:57.000 Yeah.
00:07:57.000 Right?
00:07:57.000 It has made such a jump.
00:07:59.000 So why...
00:08:00.000 It's probably a good time to do it.
00:08:02.000 People have been probably trying to search, but...
00:08:05.000 Couldn't go down too deep?
00:08:06.000 Well, they're really good at it now.
00:08:08.000 But it's also, the ocean is fucking huge.
00:08:11.000 So if you find something, the odds of somebody else finding it, without you telling them about it, without somebody leaking some information, so it's really touch and go.
00:08:18.000 And these guys invest a shitload of money.
00:08:21.000 So they have the divers, who are these people that are usually the people that are knowledgeable, but they don't really have the funds, and then they meet somebody, and that guy funds it.
00:08:28.000 And it's super squirrely.
00:08:30.000 Like, who gets the money, and how much do you get?
00:08:32.000 And his brother's like a coke dealer, right?
00:08:35.000 Someone's got a gun.
00:08:36.000 Someone's got a gun.
00:08:37.000 Her girlfriend's too tan.
00:08:40.000 Everything's just super confusing.
00:08:41.000 She's really friendly.
00:08:42.000 Why is she being so nice to me?
00:08:44.000 Does she want to fuck?
00:08:45.000 This is going to be murder-suicide.
00:08:47.000 This is all going to go down.
00:08:48.000 Yeah, I watched this one, and these guys had found, I want to say it was more than $100 million in gold.
00:08:55.000 Oh my god.
00:08:56.000 That they had found at the bottom of the ocean, but I might be making that up.
00:08:59.000 I'll let you guess on this one.
00:09:00.000 This is a really good one I found.
00:09:01.000 Their operations have to be really...
00:09:02.000 What, the most?
00:09:03.000 The discovery of the San Jose shipwreck in Colombia in 2015. How much?
00:09:11.000 Okay, let me guess.
00:09:12.000 Yeah, guess first.
00:09:13.000 It's really high.
00:09:15.000 It's really, really high.
00:09:15.000 San Jose.
00:09:16.000 You shouldn't have done that.
00:09:17.000 Dude, you shouldn't have done that.
00:09:19.000 I would have come in low.
00:09:20.000 San Jose.
00:09:21.000 I was going to say $2.4 billion.
00:09:24.000 That's a lot.
00:09:26.000 I'm going to say $1.8 billion.
00:09:29.000 I never would have said billion, by the way, if you didn't say that.
00:09:31.000 Okay.
00:09:32.000 1.8.
00:09:33.000 Okay.
00:09:33.000 What did I say?
00:09:34.000 2 point something?
00:09:35.000 2.4.
00:09:36.000 17 billion!
00:09:37.000 What?!
00:09:38.000 Jesus Christ!
00:09:40.000 The discovery of the San Jose shipwreck has all the elements of a great drama, international political intrigue, a treasure of gold and emeralds worth up to $17 billion, and now accusations of lies and treachery.
00:09:52.000 Everyone always forgets about emeralds.
00:09:54.000 Everyone forgets about emeralds.
00:09:55.000 I sleep on emeralds.
00:09:57.000 I sleep on them all the time.
00:09:58.000 I never take them seriously.
00:10:02.000 Why is that?
00:10:03.000 Clink, clink, clink, clink.
00:10:04.000 Nobody's like, yo, look at my emeralds, bitch.
00:10:07.000 That's not even the best rock you could get.
00:10:10.000 Isn't that weird?
00:10:11.000 Yeah, emeralds.
00:10:12.000 Why emeralds?
00:10:13.000 And they're only for women.
00:10:14.000 They're just shiny.
00:10:15.000 Everything other than diamonds are for dudes, and diamonds aren't really for dudes.
00:10:17.000 They're not for dudes, are they for dudes?
00:10:19.000 No, they're all for women mostly, but a guy can wear some diamonds, like rappers wear diamonds, it looks fly.
00:10:24.000 Yeah, but it's sparkly.
00:10:26.000 Girls like sparkles.
00:10:27.000 Right, but rappers can't wear rubies.
00:10:30.000 Right?
00:10:30.000 A nice ruby.
00:10:31.000 Yo, check out my ruby.
00:10:33.000 Right?
00:10:33.000 Am I right, Jamie?
00:10:35.000 They can?
00:10:36.000 Someone's wearing rubies?
00:10:37.000 Why are you eyeballing my ruby, yo?
00:10:39.000 Of course they are.
00:10:39.000 What about emeralds?
00:10:40.000 Can they wear emeralds?
00:10:41.000 I bet Conor McGregor would wear the fuck out of some emeralds.
00:10:44.000 Oh, man.
00:10:45.000 Being all Irish and shit.
00:10:46.000 Yeah.
00:10:47.000 Just a big...
00:10:47.000 Yeah.
00:10:48.000 Irish assassin?
00:10:49.000 Yeah, you could wear like a chest plate made out of emeralds.
00:10:54.000 Are you looking at my emeralds?
00:10:56.000 And if you're wearing turquoise and you're not Native American, I got questions.
00:11:00.000 Yeah.
00:11:01.000 Right?
00:11:01.000 If you're really into turquoise and silver, slow down, buddy.
00:11:05.000 Are you really from New Mexico?
00:11:06.000 Show me your artwork.
00:11:08.000 Show me that you're really kicking ass with some Indian artwork because it's not...
00:11:12.000 Show me the guy on the horse.
00:11:13.000 I know you have it, you fuck.
00:11:15.000 Let me see the dream catchers you're selling.
00:11:18.000 No!
00:11:18.000 The dream catchers!
00:11:20.000 Not the dream catcher!
00:11:22.000 You man with a turquoise bracelet.
00:11:25.000 Oh man, yeah.
00:11:27.000 There was a place called the Silver Man when I was in school.
00:11:31.000 It was in New Jersey near my high school.
00:11:35.000 And when I was first getting into girls, that's where I would go to buy jewelry to give to my girlfriend.
00:11:40.000 And I remember being there like, I wonder if I could wear some of this myself.
00:11:45.000 That's hilarious.
00:11:47.000 The silver man.
00:11:48.000 I remember there was a movie, there was this great wrestling movie called Vision Quest with Matthew Modine.
00:11:54.000 And his friend on the show was this Native American kid who turned out to not really be Native American.
00:12:00.000 Turned out that that was like his big hustle in the movie was that he was telling everybody he was Native American, talking about you going on a Vision Quest and your spirit journey and all this stuff.
00:12:10.000 I don't know what he was.
00:12:11.000 I don't remember.
00:12:12.000 But I remember that in the movie.
00:12:13.000 Yeah, that dude right there.
00:12:14.000 That dude turned out to not really be Native American.
00:12:16.000 That was just bullshit.
00:12:17.000 Well, bad on you, Matthew Modine, for thinking that was Native American.
00:12:21.000 Hey, he looks Native American.
00:12:22.000 Yeah.
00:12:23.000 He looks like a badass.
00:12:23.000 He looks more like Culture Club.
00:12:26.000 No, he looks like an Indian, man.
00:12:27.000 Come on.
00:12:28.000 Oh, that's the guy from Sixteen Candles.
00:12:29.000 Is it?
00:12:30.000 Same guy?
00:12:30.000 Yeah, the guy who Molly Ringwald really loved.
00:12:33.000 Oh, really?
00:12:33.000 Yeah, remember that one?
00:12:34.000 You know too much about those movies.
00:12:37.000 It was the 80s.
00:12:38.000 I wanted to be that guy because he was like the cool guy, but he was so cool he didn't hang out with the cool people.
00:12:45.000 And then Molly Ringwald fell in love with him.
00:12:47.000 That is the movie that wrestlers watch for inspiration.
00:12:50.000 Vision Quest.
00:12:51.000 Vision Quest.
00:12:51.000 That is the movie.
00:12:52.000 Yeah.
00:12:53.000 That is an amazing movie.
00:12:55.000 Is it really good?
00:12:56.000 Oh, it probably sucks today.
00:12:57.000 You should probably go back and watch it today.
00:12:59.000 It's probably like Altered States.
00:13:00.000 A lot of synthesizer.
00:13:02.000 Yeah, I've recommended Altered States to people, and then I went back and watched it myself, and I had to come back on the air and go, okay, stop.
00:13:07.000 Oh, really?
00:13:08.000 I'm sorry.
00:13:09.000 Sorry what I did to you people.
00:13:10.000 I saw I robbed you of an hour and a half of your life.
00:13:13.000 I remember thinking it was cool.
00:13:14.000 It was in the day.
00:13:15.000 Yeah.
00:13:15.000 I mean, it was really cool.
00:13:16.000 It was really cool when the movie came out.
00:13:18.000 I loved it.
00:13:19.000 Yeah.
00:13:19.000 But movies are just different now.
00:13:20.000 Yeah.
00:13:21.000 Unless you see, like, The Godfather.
00:13:23.000 The Godfather 100% holds up.
00:13:25.000 Totally.
00:13:26.000 Or The Shining.
00:13:27.000 The Shining 100% holds up.
00:13:29.000 100%.
00:13:30.000 100%.
00:13:30.000 Caddyshack.
00:13:31.000 Oh, yeah.
00:13:32.000 Caddyshack is fantastic.
00:13:34.000 Back to school.
00:13:35.000 Blues Brothers.
00:13:35.000 Blues Brothers.
00:13:36.000 Back to school.
00:13:36.000 Yeah.
00:13:37.000 Come on.
00:13:38.000 So that means that maybe Alter States wasn't that great in the first place.
00:13:43.000 Well, it was different, and it got by a lot on the different.
00:13:47.000 It was an intriguing story.
00:13:49.000 The whole thing was crazy.
00:13:50.000 You have this brilliant doctor and this beautiful girlfriend.
00:13:53.000 Was she a scientist, too, I think?
00:13:55.000 I don't remember.
00:13:56.000 And so he takes this shamanic drug and it changes him.
00:14:01.000 He morphs back into a monkey and he breaks into the zoo and kills things.
00:14:05.000 Right, that's right.
00:14:06.000 I remember he was with blood on his face.
00:14:10.000 Yeah, he killed something in the zoo.
00:14:12.000 Right.
00:14:12.000 The movie was based, not really, but based or I should say inspired by a guy named John Lilly who made The Isolation Tank.
00:14:21.000 There was an isolation tank in it.
00:14:22.000 Yeah, that's actually how I found out about this movie.
00:14:25.000 And in the movie, he actually goes through several generations of Lily's isolation tanks in sort of an homage.
00:14:32.000 Like he starts out floating with the head gear on, where it's like a scuba tank helmet on.
00:14:39.000 That's the beginning of the movie and in the end of the movie, he's lying down.
00:14:42.000 See, that's how Lily did it in the beginning.
00:14:44.000 In the beginning, Lily had it set up where there was literally like a tube connected to his asshole so he could shit and piss into the water and it would be filtered out so he never had to leave the water.
00:14:54.000 Wow.
00:14:55.000 That would be good for road trips.
00:14:58.000 He would, uh, Lily would do it with ketamine.
00:15:01.000 He would shoot up ketamine, which is like a cat tranquilizer.
00:15:05.000 I'm not really claustrophobic, but that looks claustrophobic.
00:15:08.000 It's not.
00:15:09.000 No?
00:15:09.000 With the thing on your head?
00:15:10.000 I've never done that one.
00:15:11.000 I've never done that one.
00:15:12.000 The one I've done is later in the movie, as his character evolves and as the plot evolves, later in the movie he has a more modern version of the isolation tank where he's laying flat.
00:15:24.000 And they don't ever mention that he figured out a better version or anything like that.
00:15:28.000 They just kind of put it in there.
00:15:30.000 Right.
00:15:30.000 Which is pretty fascinating.
00:15:31.000 It's pretty cool.
00:15:32.000 So he really was into it.
00:15:33.000 Yeah, see the top one?
00:15:35.000 Okay, I guess the top one is the tube.
00:15:37.000 He's coming out of the top of the tube.
00:15:38.000 But there was another one where he laid flat.
00:15:40.000 What's the actor's name again?
00:15:41.000 That was William Hurt, right?
00:15:42.000 William Hurt.
00:15:43.000 Yeah.
00:15:43.000 He was cool.
00:15:44.000 He's a bad motherfucker.
00:15:45.000 Remember him in Broadcast News?
00:15:47.000 Yes.
00:15:47.000 He was so good.
00:15:48.000 He's been in a bunch of great movies.
00:15:50.000 Yeah.
00:15:51.000 He just came back recently in something.
00:15:53.000 I forget what it was.
00:15:54.000 But that John Lilly guy who made that tank was a legitimate, brilliant scientist who would take all kinds of shit.
00:16:01.000 He would experiment all the time.
00:16:03.000 He was a pioneer in interspecies communication research with dolphins.
00:16:08.000 Really?
00:16:09.000 I don't know if you ever heard this story, but the woman who was doing the research, she was living with a young male dolphin, and she lived in this place that was like waist high in water.
00:16:19.000 So she would walk through the water to get to her furniture, to get to where she would cook, and the dolphin lived with her and swam around with her.
00:16:26.000 Wait, wait, so she'd be up to her waist in the hallways and then she'd come up to a platform to cook or something?
00:16:32.000 She had some setup where she lived with this dolphin.
00:16:35.000 Wow.
00:16:35.000 They lived in this tank.
00:16:37.000 I've never heard of this.
00:16:38.000 It's crazy.
00:16:39.000 And when she did it, they were working on these ideas that they had.
00:16:44.000 To try to get dolphins to recreate human words.
00:16:48.000 But the dolphins, even if they're as intelligent as we are, which they might be, who knows, they don't have the ability to make the sounds that we make, because they don't have lips.
00:16:57.000 They have a big fat tongue.
00:16:58.000 Yeah, they have a weird way of making noises.
00:17:01.000 Yeah, so the dolphin came super close to saying, hello.
00:17:06.000 Right.
00:17:07.000 Came really close to it.
00:17:08.000 It's kind of weird when you hear it, too.
00:17:10.000 There was a movie done where they were talking to the dolphins, and it was like...
00:17:14.000 Yeah, she had a sexual relationship.
00:17:15.000 You're pulling that up.
00:17:16.000 I was going to get to that, Jamie.
00:17:17.000 Sorry.
00:17:17.000 Ma loves pa.
00:17:19.000 Do you remember that movie?
00:17:20.000 Yes.
00:17:20.000 This is why they canceled it.
00:17:23.000 Uh oh.
00:17:23.000 It says a woman in a waterproof house.
00:17:26.000 In 1964, a woman lived in a waterproof house with a dolphin called Peter, tried to teach him English and had a sexual relationship with him.
00:17:32.000 Oh my.
00:17:33.000 Sort of.
00:17:34.000 She would jerk him off because he would get super horny and that's all he would want to do is fuck and he was confusing and it was interfering with the research.
00:17:42.000 Right.
00:17:42.000 So she didn't think there was anything wrong with jerking off this dolphin.
00:17:45.000 Nah, I don't either.
00:17:46.000 Look, there's nothing wrong with it.
00:17:48.000 Hey.
00:17:48.000 It's like...
00:17:49.000 They live together.
00:17:50.000 Why are we so weird about sexual pleasure?
00:17:53.000 Like, what the fuck is that, man?
00:17:56.000 We're so weird.
00:17:57.000 It is a weird...
00:17:58.000 It's very complicated.
00:17:59.000 It's the driving force of all of us.
00:18:01.000 And it's...
00:18:02.000 You know, it's...
00:18:03.000 It's, uh...
00:18:04.000 Bented and twisted and it's pure and it's nice and it's...
00:18:07.000 It's a weird thing.
00:18:09.000 Right, but...
00:18:09.000 If you have a friend...
00:18:11.000 Like, I had a friend who used to jerk off his dog with his foot.
00:18:13.000 Ah!
00:18:15.000 Who doesn't have that friend?
00:18:18.000 I go, for real?
00:18:19.000 You touch your foot?
00:18:20.000 He goes, I had my sock on.
00:18:21.000 And I said, what did you do?
00:18:22.000 He goes, his fucking dog's horny.
00:18:25.000 So I put my foot on his dick and I rubbed it back and forth and he came all over his stomach.
00:18:28.000 I was, seriously?
00:18:29.000 Oh no.
00:18:30.000 He goes, yeah.
00:18:31.000 He felt better.
00:18:31.000 And I go, you know what, man?
00:18:33.000 I think it's me.
00:18:34.000 I don't think it's you.
00:18:35.000 I think it's me.
00:18:35.000 I think it's me with the stupid problem in my head about it.
00:18:39.000 The dog likes it.
00:18:39.000 How come you can scratch behind the dog's ears where he can't reach and that's okay?
00:18:44.000 How come you can't rub his dick?
00:18:47.000 Have you ever touched your dog's dick accidentally when you're rubbing his belly?
00:18:50.000 My dog has a vagina.
00:18:51.000 Okay.
00:18:52.000 And I've never touched it.
00:18:54.000 Never accidentally?
00:18:56.000 Well, no, I don't think so.
00:18:58.000 I've touched my dog's dick a hundred times and he's only five months old.
00:19:00.000 Well, it's flying all over the place.
00:19:02.000 Mine's only nine months old and she's in the vet right now, actually.
00:19:06.000 I got a call.
00:19:08.000 I left in a...
00:19:10.000 It could have been a snake.
00:19:11.000 Could it have been a snake?
00:19:12.000 That's the text.
00:19:13.000 Oh, did she get bit?
00:19:14.000 She's just looking swollen.
00:19:15.000 Yes.
00:19:15.000 She's looking puffy and swollen.
00:19:16.000 This is rattlesnake season.
00:19:17.000 This happens all the time.
00:19:18.000 What kind of dog do you have?
00:19:20.000 A lab?
00:19:20.000 Black lab?
00:19:21.000 Very possible she got bit.
00:19:22.000 My dog's been bit many times.
00:19:24.000 Really?
00:19:24.000 Yeah, the two dogs that had been bit are dead now.
00:19:28.000 But one dog got bit, and I took him to the vet, and I knew he got bit.
00:19:34.000 He didn't swell up yet.
00:19:36.000 Right.
00:19:36.000 And I took him to the vet.
00:19:37.000 He was so excited because he'd killed the rattlesnake.
00:19:40.000 He was all fired up.
00:19:41.000 Did you know he had killed the rattlesnake?
00:19:42.000 Oh, yeah.
00:19:43.000 Oh, okay.
00:19:44.000 It was a disaster.
00:19:45.000 Oh, really?
00:19:46.000 Yeah, once it bit him, he was like, fuck you.
00:19:48.000 He just tore this thing apart.
00:19:49.000 Nice.
00:19:52.000 That was Frank Sinatra.
00:19:53.000 That was my dog named Frank.
00:19:53.000 What a great dog.
00:19:54.000 That's awesome.
00:19:56.000 But he wasn't swollen when I brought him to the vet.
00:19:58.000 And when I got him home, he started swelling up.
00:20:00.000 So like a half hour later, it started swelling up.
00:20:02.000 And then it just gets to these cartoonish proportions with half their faces hanging off.
00:20:07.000 Yeah.
00:20:08.000 She was just acting a little weird this morning.
00:20:10.000 And we have a yard.
00:20:13.000 I don't know.
00:20:13.000 Maybe something got into the backyard.
00:20:14.000 I don't know.
00:20:15.000 But all of a sudden, her eye was a little puffy.
00:20:18.000 And I said to my wife, look at her eyes.
00:20:21.000 Is she looking a little weird?
00:20:22.000 And she's like, I think she's having a reaction.
00:20:24.000 So we brought her into the vet on my way here and they rushed her right in and they're like, good thing you got here early and they're going to work on her.
00:20:31.000 So I don't know what's up.
00:20:32.000 But we're trying to figure, can they get sick from eating raccoon feces?
00:20:39.000 You ever hear that?
00:20:40.000 I would not imagine it would be good for you.
00:20:42.000 I know, because we had a trainer that was like, she's not eating that, is she?
00:20:45.000 I'm like, no, is that a big deal?
00:20:47.000 I mean, she eats everything.
00:20:48.000 She's like a goat.
00:20:49.000 Yeah.
00:20:50.000 I'm like, that's the only thing I could think of, because I couldn't...
00:20:54.000 Well, there's definitely got to be something in that.
00:20:56.000 I mean, raccoons have to have parasites.
00:20:57.000 They're wild animals.
00:20:59.000 Yeah, it's got to have, like, some weird...
00:21:01.000 Well, they're wild animals, too, and they eat animals.
00:21:03.000 So as soon as an animal's eating other animals, that's when shit gets weird.
00:21:06.000 Right.
00:21:07.000 You know, like, if a wild animal, like, you could eat a deer raw.
00:21:10.000 Right.
00:21:10.000 And there'd be no problem at all.
00:21:12.000 Oh, yeah?
00:21:12.000 Yeah, the real problem is animals that eat animals.
00:21:15.000 Oh.
00:21:16.000 I mean, because the deer doesn't eat animals.
00:21:18.000 Right.
00:21:18.000 So you're okay.
00:21:19.000 The deer could get a parasite.
00:21:20.000 And deers have gotten worms before.
00:21:21.000 I've heard of people that got deers that had worms.
00:21:23.000 And Lyme disease.
00:21:23.000 No, no, no.
00:21:24.000 That's just the ticks.
00:21:25.000 Cause severe inflammatory reactions.
00:21:28.000 Yeah, that's not really it.
00:21:30.000 Yeah.
00:21:31.000 It's got a specific roundworm in the record.
00:21:32.000 Severe inflammatory?
00:21:33.000 Oh, maybe.
00:21:34.000 Will migrate to other organs, including the brain.
00:21:36.000 Oh, jeez.
00:21:38.000 Ugh.
00:21:38.000 Well, I've had dogs that had worms before that were coming out of their butt.
00:21:42.000 Like, they'd poop, and as they were walking away, you would see worms literally crawling out of their butt, and you're like, oh, okay.
00:21:48.000 And you're like, I should have whacked you off when we had the chance.
00:21:53.000 You would be so confused.
00:21:55.000 Let me put on a sock.
00:21:56.000 Get over here, Sinatra.
00:21:58.000 Yeah, parasitic relationships.
00:22:00.000 It's like when you think about how many dogs have worms.
00:22:04.000 Yeah.
00:22:04.000 That is like one of the number one things you got to do with your dog.
00:22:07.000 Get it dewormed.
00:22:08.000 Yeah.
00:22:08.000 I know.
00:22:09.000 It happens so often.
00:22:09.000 Oh, so often.
00:22:10.000 Just eating shit.
00:22:11.000 They eat everything.
00:22:13.000 Everything.
00:22:14.000 My dog ate a magnet.
00:22:15.000 You know how they have those magnets where you stack magnets on top like kids play with them?
00:22:20.000 Those are strong.
00:22:20.000 It's a fucking thick-ass heavy magnet.
00:22:22.000 Yeah.
00:22:22.000 I found it in his shit.
00:22:24.000 Oh, I'm surprised it came out.
00:22:26.000 Yeah, it came out.
00:22:27.000 It came right out.
00:22:27.000 I mean, a dog's intestinal tract is made out of barbed wire.
00:22:32.000 You know, things just go right through.
00:22:33.000 It's so gross.
00:22:34.000 It's so disgusting.
00:22:35.000 He shits and all of a sudden a metal roller skate comes up to the shed and just starts rolling up.
00:22:39.000 Ting!
00:22:40.000 He's the nastiest dog I've ever had.
00:22:43.000 In terms of eating his own shit.
00:22:46.000 This new one?
00:22:47.000 Yeah, he tries to eat his own shit.
00:22:49.000 When he doesn't anymore, he's stopped.
00:22:50.000 But I'm sure he has, like, recently.
00:22:52.000 But for the most part, he does.
00:22:54.000 It's weird.
00:22:54.000 He leaves it alone.
00:22:55.000 But when he was a puppy, like when I had just got him, he was a few weeks old.
00:22:58.000 Yeah.
00:22:58.000 He would take his shit and literally trying to bite the shit as it's coming out of his ass.
00:23:03.000 He'd be turning.
00:23:05.000 He would have to, like, grab him to keep him from eating this shit as it was coming out of his ass.
00:23:11.000 He thought it was like a Mr. Softie machine.
00:23:14.000 It was so disturbing.
00:23:15.000 I can't believe it comes right out of my ass.
00:23:17.000 It was so disturbing.
00:23:18.000 It's like, look, man, I love you, but you've got to stop doing this.
00:23:21.000 Why, Joe?
00:23:22.000 Get a cone.
00:23:23.000 Get a cone.
00:23:23.000 Come on.
00:23:24.000 But the good thing is it made me really diligent about scooping poop up in the yard.
00:23:28.000 I had to dive on that.
00:23:30.000 You've got to get it up quick.
00:23:31.000 Quick.
00:23:32.000 So we bought a special trash can.
00:23:36.000 My other dogs know where to shit.
00:23:37.000 We're going through the same thing.
00:23:38.000 We're going through the same thing.
00:23:39.000 How old is this?
00:23:40.000 He's a baby.
00:23:41.000 He's five months old.
00:23:42.000 Yeah, we're nine months.
00:23:42.000 Yeah, babies.
00:23:43.000 Is this one that's in the hospital a baby?
00:23:45.000 Yeah, nine months.
00:23:46.000 Yeah, I hope she's okay.
00:23:48.000 She comes home with mystery shit on her head.
00:23:51.000 Like, where did you even get this?
00:23:53.000 Just walks in all happy to see you with a big blob of shit on her head.
00:23:57.000 I killed a rattlesnake a month ago.
00:23:58.000 You did?
00:23:59.000 Yeah.
00:24:01.000 Really?
00:24:01.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:24:02.000 It's on a walkway.
00:24:03.000 Like, right where I was walking.
00:24:04.000 I was like, fuck this.
00:24:06.000 By your house?
00:24:06.000 Yeah, by a friend's house, actually.
00:24:08.000 How'd you kill it?
00:24:09.000 Stomped on it.
00:24:10.000 Just went up and stomped?
00:24:11.000 Didn't it try to bite you?
00:24:12.000 No, I got to it before it got to me.
00:24:14.000 Oh, really?
00:24:15.000 Yeah.
00:24:15.000 It wasn't a big rattlesnake, but it's dead.
00:24:17.000 What kind of shoe wear were you wearing?
00:24:20.000 I don't remember.
00:24:22.000 It'd be a nice boot.
00:24:23.000 It was definitely not a wise move.
00:24:25.000 No!
00:24:25.000 No.
00:24:26.000 It was just something in me that said, first of all, my friend would want me to kill this.
00:24:30.000 He doesn't want a fucking rattlesnake in his yard where his kids live.
00:24:33.000 Right.
00:24:33.000 And second of all, I think I could do it right now.
00:24:37.000 It was one of those things.
00:24:39.000 I think this snake is slipping on me.
00:24:41.000 He's not looking.
00:24:41.000 He doesn't know.
00:24:42.000 Because most people are not going to just stomp your fucking head if you're a rattlesnake.
00:24:45.000 Yeah.
00:24:46.000 But I was like, that is the move right now.
00:24:47.000 Just try that.
00:24:48.000 Yeah, the rattlesnake's instinct is humans run from me.
00:24:51.000 Yeah.
00:24:54.000 Some people tell you you're not supposed to do it.
00:24:56.000 And I understand what they're saying.
00:24:58.000 I would not want all the rattlesnakes to die.
00:25:01.000 I'm not a rattlesnake hater.
00:25:02.000 But I have rules.
00:25:04.000 And if you get into my house, if you're a snake and you're in my house, I'm going to fucking kill you for sure.
00:25:09.000 Yeah, 100%.
00:25:10.000 And it's not my house, but it was in front of my friend's house, and he has kids.
00:25:14.000 That's a dead snake.
00:25:15.000 Yeah, kill that snake.
00:25:16.000 I personally would not have done it.
00:25:18.000 But it was a garter snake?
00:25:19.000 It was like, I've seen those, I don't bother them.
00:25:21.000 No, what, are they gonna gum you to death?
00:25:23.000 No, but this guy also has little dogs, too.
00:25:25.000 Those dogs get jacked.
00:25:27.000 Maybe she got bit by a snake.
00:25:28.000 Oh, dude, easily.
00:25:30.000 Easily could have happened.
00:25:31.000 I bet three dogs bit by rattlesnakes in California.
00:25:33.000 Yeah, they're all over.
00:25:34.000 I almost got bit by one.
00:25:35.000 I was hiking down a little trail.
00:25:37.000 I might have said this last time.
00:25:38.000 I was walking down a trail, and my wife was behind me.
00:25:42.000 And it was a narrow part.
00:25:45.000 And I just came around a corner, and the thing just went...
00:25:48.000 Oh, dude.
00:25:49.000 Struck right at me.
00:25:50.000 And I just backed off.
00:25:51.000 I just ran right past my wife.
00:25:53.000 She's like, why are we running?
00:25:55.000 And I came back, and I was pissed off at the edge of the trail in this little bush.
00:26:00.000 And I just threw rocks at it and ran past it.
00:26:03.000 God, I could have got you.
00:26:04.000 Totally.
00:26:05.000 Now that's the thing.
00:26:07.000 And I'm still not clear on it.
00:26:08.000 We're two miles up in the mountain.
00:26:10.000 They say you're not supposed to move.
00:26:12.000 Or else you'll get it pumping through your system.
00:26:15.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:26:16.000 Do you make a tourniquet?
00:26:18.000 I don't know.
00:26:19.000 I don't know.
00:26:19.000 I should have learned since then, but the idea that my wife would have carried me out doesn't make sense.
00:26:26.000 That she would go for help is kind of tough.
00:26:28.000 You know, two-mile hike down the mountain and back.
00:26:31.000 They make snake-proof boots.
00:26:32.000 You should look into them.
00:26:34.000 Maybe snakes like you.
00:26:35.000 Maybe you're one of those people that people like mosquitoes.
00:26:38.000 Mosquitoes like people.
00:26:38.000 Yeah.
00:26:39.000 I could be right next to him and get bit by all the mosquitoes.
00:26:42.000 Everywhere I go, there's rattlesnakes.
00:26:44.000 These aren't bothering you guys.
00:26:45.000 These are all the bread you cook.
00:26:46.000 They just smell good.
00:26:46.000 Oh, I brought you bread.
00:26:48.000 Oh, thank you.
00:26:48.000 Now, I know you don't really eat it, and I don't want to mess with your avocado and elk thing.
00:26:54.000 I eat it occasionally.
00:26:55.000 But look at the bag that I have.
00:26:57.000 Okay.
00:26:58.000 I have these bags now.
00:26:59.000 Paper bags.
00:26:59.000 This is how much they are perfectly shaped for these bread.
00:27:02.000 Oh.
00:27:03.000 Look at that.
00:27:05.000 It does look really good.
00:27:06.000 Just came out this morning.
00:27:09.000 Look at that beautiful.
00:27:11.000 That smells amazing.
00:27:13.000 Yeah.
00:27:14.000 This is art.
00:27:15.000 You're doing art.
00:27:16.000 Even if you don't want to eat it, give it to your family.
00:27:18.000 I'll eat a piece of that for sure.
00:27:19.000 A little butter.
00:27:21.000 I'll give it to the family tonight.
00:27:22.000 I've perfected my method since I was here last.
00:27:25.000 Wow.
00:27:26.000 You know what's really intense?
00:27:27.000 What?
00:27:27.000 With that bread?
00:27:28.000 Did you ever hear of a gentleman's breakfast?
00:27:30.000 No.
00:27:31.000 Oh.
00:27:33.000 Comes from England, London.
00:27:35.000 Is it like blood sausage or something?
00:27:37.000 Not as intense.
00:27:39.000 You take butter at night, let it soften on the counter, chop up garlic and anchovies.
00:27:47.000 Mix it all together into the butter.
00:27:49.000 Put it in the fridge.
00:27:50.000 In the morning, you toast some of that delicious sourdough bread.
00:27:54.000 A thick layer of that butter on it with some eggs on the side.
00:28:00.000 It's called a gentleman's breakfast.
00:28:02.000 Wow.
00:28:05.000 I like it.
00:28:05.000 There's something about first thing in the morning, garlic, anchovy, butter.
00:28:10.000 It's dangerous.
00:28:11.000 Oh, it's so good.
00:28:12.000 It's a bold choice.
00:28:13.000 You don't give a fuck about your breath.
00:28:15.000 No, you don't want to be near people.
00:28:17.000 You don't want to be near people for a good day.
00:28:19.000 You might have just eradicated your morning breath, brushed your teeth, and then you got down with this.
00:28:25.000 It sounds nasty, but I'm telling you, it is the most delicious thing I've ever had.
00:28:30.000 Sounds amazing.
00:28:30.000 I want to do it tonight.
00:28:31.000 Amazing.
00:28:32.000 Anchovies, garlic, and what else?
00:28:34.000 Garlic, anchovies, and butter.
00:28:36.000 That's it?
00:28:36.000 Just those three things?
00:28:37.000 Let it soften.
00:28:38.000 Mix it all together.
00:28:40.000 Chop up the anchovies and the garlic really fine.
00:28:42.000 Throw it all in there.
00:28:43.000 Do you know what will ruin you?
00:28:45.000 If you get real anchovies.
00:28:47.000 Like you ever get a real anchovy, like fresh anchovies like in Italy?
00:28:50.000 No.
00:28:51.000 I mean, maybe in a dish of something, but...
00:28:54.000 Yeah, I've gotten fresh anchovies and fresh sardines.
00:28:56.000 Fresh sardines.
00:28:58.000 Fresh sardines.
00:28:58.000 Amazing.
00:28:59.000 Sicily.
00:28:59.000 Amazing.
00:29:00.000 You go, wait a minute, this is what a sardine tastes like?
00:29:03.000 It's not all covered in...
00:29:04.000 Goo?
00:29:05.000 Thick paint-like oil.
00:29:06.000 Yeah.
00:29:07.000 Mustard.
00:29:08.000 Yeah.
00:29:09.000 So fresh anchovies.
00:29:10.000 I've never...
00:29:11.000 Ooh, that would make the gentleman's breakfast even better.
00:29:13.000 I bet it would.
00:29:15.000 Yeah, like when you get like a really good Caesar salad at a really good restaurant, they do it by the table.
00:29:22.000 The real old school.
00:29:23.000 The man with the tuxedo.
00:29:24.000 Yeah.
00:29:24.000 Chook, chook, chook.
00:29:25.000 And it takes like 10 minutes.
00:29:26.000 He's there working on that thing in front of you.
00:29:29.000 That'd be like, yeah, that's a real old school move, right?
00:29:31.000 Like it's a Musso and Franks type thing.
00:29:33.000 That's right.
00:29:34.000 Yeah.
00:29:34.000 Oh, I love Musso and Franks.
00:29:36.000 Is that place 100 years old?
00:29:38.000 It's the oldest restaurant in LA. Yeah, I think it's 100 years old.
00:29:41.000 I think you're right.
00:29:41.000 I think it's like 1915 or something like that.
00:29:43.000 Yeah.
00:29:44.000 You get a martini in that place, it's just perfect.
00:29:49.000 Yeah, they know what they're doing.
00:29:51.000 It's all old school stuff.
00:29:52.000 Old school steaks.
00:29:53.000 They put it in a tiny glass instead of these giant glasses like they use now.
00:29:57.000 It's a smaller glass.
00:29:58.000 And then they give you the extra...
00:30:00.000 In ice on the side of your glass.
00:30:03.000 Oh, those guys.
00:30:04.000 Any place that has a 70-year-old guy waiting on you in a uniform.
00:30:08.000 Look at that steak.
00:30:09.000 Yeah, that guy, then you know you're in good shape.
00:30:12.000 Let's go there.
00:30:13.000 Come on.
00:30:14.000 Let's go for steaks there one night.
00:30:15.000 We should go for dinner.
00:30:16.000 We should.
00:30:16.000 We should.
00:30:17.000 We should go before the store.
00:30:18.000 Yes.
00:30:19.000 Like, go for steaks.
00:30:19.000 Yes.
00:30:20.000 Get a bunch of guys together.
00:30:21.000 Yes.
00:30:21.000 I didn't even let a girl come.
00:30:23.000 Eh.
00:30:26.000 No, the problem is girls don't really like it there.
00:30:28.000 I've taken girls there.
00:30:29.000 My wife included.
00:30:31.000 They're not that into it.
00:30:32.000 They don't like an old man's pickle fingers giving you your meat.
00:30:37.000 Something about that turns the ladies off.
00:30:39.000 It's funny.
00:30:40.000 Those places that still have that kind of...
00:30:43.000 You can't fake that in a mall.
00:30:46.000 No.
00:30:46.000 You know what I mean?
00:30:47.000 You couldn't have a new Musso and Frank's.
00:30:49.000 Yeah, there's like, what's the Raos in New York?
00:30:53.000 It's like five tables.
00:30:55.000 It's hard to get into.
00:30:56.000 It's like where Joe Torre eats with Derek Jeter and Giuliani.
00:30:59.000 Is this the inside?
00:31:01.000 This is Muson Franks?
00:31:02.000 That's Musa.
00:31:03.000 Yeah.
00:31:04.000 God, that looks awesome.
00:31:05.000 That looks so good.
00:31:05.000 I've sat at that bar with a couple friends.
00:31:07.000 I've sat in that booth, like the curved booth at the back with my wife and a friend.
00:31:11.000 What's that one steakhouse in New York where they hang pipes from the ceiling?
00:31:15.000 Is it called Keen's?
00:31:17.000 What is it called?
00:31:18.000 Keen's.
00:31:18.000 The clay pipes.
00:31:19.000 Is that the name of it?
00:31:20.000 Yes.
00:31:20.000 Am I saying the right name?
00:31:21.000 Keen's.
00:31:22.000 K-E-A-N-E. Phenomenal.
00:31:24.000 Steakhouse.
00:31:25.000 Wow.
00:31:25.000 And for some reason, like back in the day, like famous people would bring their pipe and they would hang the pipe on the wall.
00:31:32.000 They would give you a pipe.
00:31:33.000 They would give you a clay pipe and they have pipes that from everyone that smoked them there, Einstein, Patton, Roosevelt, all of these people, and the place is covered with it.
00:31:45.000 And then I roll in there for the first time in 2001, when the smoking ban has gone into effect, and you're not allowed to smoke a pipe in this legendary place!
00:31:57.000 I felt so...
00:31:59.000 Cheated?
00:31:59.000 Cheated!
00:32:00.000 Like when I went through puberty and AIDS showed up.
00:32:04.000 You know what I mean?
00:32:05.000 It's like, why us?
00:32:07.000 Why can't I smoke and put my pipe next to Albert Einstein's?
00:32:11.000 Yeah, when I was like 16 or 17, if I remember correctly, they raised the drinking age to 21. It used to be 18. Yeah.
00:32:20.000 Is that right?
00:32:21.000 Is that right?
00:32:21.000 That's right.
00:32:22.000 18 to 21. I want to say I just missed it.
00:32:24.000 We did just miss it.
00:32:25.000 Wow, look at these.
00:32:27.000 Babe Ruth.
00:32:28.000 Babe Ruth's pipe.
00:32:30.000 Pee-wee Herman.
00:32:31.000 Now, let me- What?
00:32:34.000 Different kind of pipe.
00:32:38.000 Wow.
00:32:39.000 Theodore Roosevelt's pipe?
00:32:41.000 Holy shit.
00:32:41.000 Look at that.
00:32:42.000 And then we roll in there and we're not allowed.
00:32:45.000 Come on.
00:32:45.000 I know.
00:32:46.000 That's kind of weak.
00:32:47.000 I understand cleaning up the city and stopping people from having cancer.
00:32:50.000 Buffalo Bill's pipe.
00:32:52.000 One night.
00:32:53.000 Buffalo Bills pipe!
00:32:55.000 Buffalo Bills pipe.
00:32:55.000 They have a beautiful nude behind the bar too.
00:32:59.000 Yeah?
00:32:59.000 This huge painting.
00:33:00.000 Keens?
00:33:00.000 Yeah, Keens.
00:33:02.000 It's a beautiful painting of this beautiful nude.
00:33:04.000 Look at that one ceiling.
00:33:05.000 That one ceiling where you see all the pipes, Jamie.
00:33:07.000 Look at that.
00:33:08.000 That's crazy.
00:33:09.000 That's crazy.
00:33:10.000 Yeah, shouldn't Joe Rogan's pipe be up there?
00:33:12.000 Nah, we'd be faking it.
00:33:14.000 I've only been there twice.
00:33:15.000 I know, but...
00:33:16.000 I've only smoked a pipe once on this show.
00:33:18.000 I like a nice pipe once in a while.
00:33:21.000 What happened to pipe smoking?
00:33:22.000 Where'd it go?
00:33:23.000 I don't know because they're so much more pleasant to people that are around you.
00:33:29.000 Like a cigar drives everyone out of the room.
00:33:31.000 I love cigars.
00:33:32.000 I like cigars.
00:33:33.000 But they're rude.
00:33:33.000 But you smoke a pipe, the ladies aren't as offended.
00:33:37.000 Why is that?
00:33:39.000 Because it's more aromatic.
00:33:40.000 It's perfumey.
00:33:41.000 It's a gentleman's craft.
00:33:43.000 I have a pipe in my little pencil case.
00:33:47.000 You have a pipe right here, bro.
00:33:47.000 I just take it out.
00:33:48.000 I don't smoke it.
00:33:48.000 I just walk around with it.
00:33:50.000 I'm going to pack one in right now.
00:33:51.000 Good for you.
00:33:51.000 Look at these guys with their pipes.
00:33:53.000 They're long pipes.
00:33:54.000 No weed, huh?
00:33:55.000 Why can't we be like that?
00:33:57.000 I don't know.
00:33:57.000 What happened to us?
00:33:58.000 I don't know.
00:33:59.000 We've become a bunch of babies.
00:34:00.000 Such babies.
00:34:01.000 Worried about cancer.
00:34:02.000 I understand trying to help people with the cancer and all that, but not at that one place.
00:34:07.000 Can't Keene still smoke?
00:34:08.000 There should be places that you could go that are like a club.
00:34:12.000 I go to the Soho Cigar Bar when I'm in New York.
00:34:16.000 That's a nice little spot.
00:34:17.000 I've smoked there with Chappelle and Alan Havy, Robert Kelly.
00:34:23.000 It's a great hang.
00:34:24.000 You go and you sit like gentlemen.
00:34:26.000 Like gentlemen.
00:34:26.000 Like gentlemen.
00:34:27.000 Yeah.
00:34:27.000 And you just discuss your life and you meditate after the day.
00:34:30.000 Yeah.
00:34:30.000 It's a beautiful thing.
00:34:32.000 Yeah.
00:34:33.000 You could do that in a cigar bar.
00:34:34.000 Yeah.
00:34:34.000 This is a place that I go.
00:34:36.000 You could order food and you could smoke cigars.
00:34:37.000 It's great.
00:34:38.000 It's amazing.
00:34:38.000 It's a good restaurant, too.
00:34:40.000 That smells good.
00:34:41.000 It does smell good, right?
00:34:42.000 Thank you, Steven Crowder, for the lovely pipe and tobacco.
00:34:45.000 Problem with the pipe is you gotta keep it going.
00:34:47.000 Now could you, whenever you see at the improv and stuff, that picture of Jay Leno with his pipe?
00:34:52.000 In the old days when he was playing the improv like we are, he would smoke, he would carry his pipe around.
00:34:58.000 Could someone pull that off?
00:35:00.000 Could somebody do that today?
00:35:02.000 You'd have to do a lot of drugs.
00:35:04.000 You'd have to be like that Hunter S. Thompson guy that does so much drugs who lets you have a cigarette holder.
00:35:08.000 Right.
00:35:08.000 Remember when Hunter S. Thompson used to rock a cigarette holder?
00:35:11.000 Yeah.
00:35:11.000 Nobody else rocked a cigarette holder.
00:35:13.000 With Dunhill's in the end.
00:35:14.000 Yeah.
00:35:14.000 He did it because he was just so far out there that everybody was like, it's fine.
00:35:18.000 Right.
00:35:19.000 It's real.
00:35:20.000 I guess you'd have to have really kick-ass material.
00:35:22.000 You couldn't be hacky with a pipe.
00:35:24.000 Yeah, Chris Rock would rock a pipe.
00:35:26.000 Yeah, if you have killer material, you could do whatever you want.
00:35:29.000 I would like Chris Rock, now that he's divorced, to go on stage with one of those Hugh Hefner velour jackets on.
00:35:34.000 A velvet, right?
00:35:35.000 A velvet jacket on.
00:35:37.000 A smoking jacket.
00:35:37.000 With a smoking pipe.
00:35:39.000 I have one of those.
00:35:40.000 Do you?
00:35:40.000 Yeah, it's a red from Brooks Brothers.
00:35:42.000 Nice.
00:35:43.000 Nice smoking jacket.
00:35:43.000 Deep pockets, like you put all your pipes and your...
00:35:46.000 Lighters in it.
00:35:47.000 Hot as hell though.
00:35:48.000 Do you walk around your house like in your underwear with a robe on ever?
00:35:51.000 Yeah.
00:35:52.000 Do you?
00:35:53.000 Closed, but yeah.
00:35:55.000 I wear a robe.
00:35:56.000 Closed.
00:35:56.000 It's all girls in my place.
00:35:58.000 It's weird to...
00:35:59.000 At what age is it inappropriate for your kids to see your dick?
00:36:05.000 I would say...
00:36:06.000 Legit question.
00:36:07.000 For boys, no age.
00:36:09.000 For boys, no age.
00:36:10.000 For boys, no age.
00:36:11.000 For girls.
00:36:11.000 For girls, I'm going to say like three, four.
00:36:15.000 Like three.
00:36:16.000 Four's are pretty.
00:36:18.000 Really?
00:36:18.000 They would climb into the shower and point and laugh.
00:36:22.000 So after that, you don't even let them look at it?
00:36:23.000 They can't see it?
00:36:24.000 No.
00:36:25.000 What if you climb out of the shower and they're right there?
00:36:26.000 Do you hide?
00:36:27.000 Yeah, like when I come out of the shower, I've got to walk down this little hallway and that door is sometimes open and it's towards my daughter's rooms.
00:36:35.000 And I'm really conscious of...
00:36:38.000 And it's such a weird...
00:36:39.000 I catch myself a lot.
00:36:40.000 I'm totally naked, but as long as I put everything in my palm of my hand, that would be okay if they happened to catch me.
00:36:48.000 Dude, my seven-year-old stands in front of the shower door, points at my dick, and laughs.
00:36:53.000 At seven?
00:36:56.000 Yeah.
00:36:56.000 My youngest is hilarious.
00:36:58.000 She's really funny, man.
00:36:59.000 She's just like, all she wants to do is go for the laugh, like, all the time.
00:37:04.000 She's constantly just going for the laugh.
00:37:06.000 And that's her thing, is that she's, like, really silly.
00:37:08.000 Yeah.
00:37:09.000 And so, like, she's, like, really silly at school.
00:37:11.000 She's really silly at home.
00:37:12.000 That's my little one.
00:37:13.000 She just loves having fun.
00:37:14.000 Yeah.
00:37:15.000 Good student.
00:37:16.000 Yeah, she's real good.
00:37:17.000 She's a great kid.
00:37:18.000 It's just really interesting to see kids grow up without the same kind of financial pressure that I grew up with, or that probably you grew up with too, or not the same kind of weirdness in the house.
00:37:28.000 Yeah, it's dad.
00:37:31.000 It's when dad's not freaking out.
00:37:33.000 That too, and also, I just think people know more about people now.
00:37:38.000 I think our parents didn't even have a chance.
00:37:41.000 No.
00:37:42.000 They didn't even understand themselves, let alone understand time with you and what was going to make you feel good.
00:37:48.000 And most likely they were crazy young.
00:37:50.000 Like, how old were your parents?
00:37:51.000 Yeah, 20. Yeah.
00:37:52.000 My mom was 20 or 20. Well, she was 20 when she got pregnant and 21 when she had me.
00:37:55.000 Yeah.
00:37:56.000 If I can go back and think about when I was 20, if somebody told me I had to raise a kid at 20. Yeah.
00:38:01.000 Oh my God.
00:38:02.000 I'd have a grown-up psychopath right now that I'd be trying to manage.
00:38:06.000 Dude, I'm sorry.
00:38:07.000 I got the whole thing wrong.
00:38:09.000 I don't know how we can redo this.
00:38:11.000 I think about that sometimes.
00:38:13.000 I let my parents off the hook all the time now, just in my memories, because when my dad said that to me, he was 28. You know what I mean?
00:38:23.000 He had no idea.
00:38:25.000 And he was 28 before the internet.
00:38:27.000 I think 28 today is way more knowledgeable.
00:38:31.000 I mean, there's pockets of flat earthers and shit out there that ruin that curve, but other than that, 28 today is way more knowledgeable, I think, than 28 of 20 years ago.
00:38:42.000 And yet, so much more immature.
00:38:45.000 Maybe in some ways, but I think that's generalizing.
00:38:49.000 I mean, I think it's really hard to say people today, because you're talking about so many people.
00:38:53.000 You're talking about 350 million people.
00:38:56.000 Yeah, but, you know, the idea that people were, like, men and women were raising families, doing all their hard work, doing all that, like, very adult stuff.
00:39:07.000 Right.
00:39:07.000 There's an adolescence now that's extended until you're, like, mid-30s.
00:39:11.000 That's true.
00:39:12.000 You know what I mean?
00:39:13.000 It's like...
00:39:13.000 They may not be as intelligent because they didn't have as much knowledge and stuff, but they were grown-ups.
00:39:19.000 There was a distinction, like, I'm doing grown-up shit now.
00:39:22.000 Do you think that's almost like an evolutionary course?
00:39:25.000 Like, life gets easier, and then people learn more about stuff, but they don't have the same sort of physical resolve that people did back in the old days where they had to work harder?
00:39:33.000 Yeah, maybe.
00:39:34.000 I mean, it's kind of like the two kind of go together.
00:39:37.000 It almost seems like there's a direction that people are moving into.
00:39:40.000 Yeah, and think about it.
00:39:42.000 Back then, people were dying at 60, 70. Now, if you're living to 100, why shouldn't your 20s be a little more adolescent?
00:39:51.000 Because you're going to live so much longer.
00:39:53.000 Well, apparently, the live longer thing, a big part of what the live longer thing is, they reduced a lot of infant mortality.
00:40:01.000 And a lot of it is like the average of how people die.
00:40:04.000 It's also infections when you're younger and all sorts of things before medical science.
00:40:08.000 But the actual age that people live to hasn't really changed as much as people think.
00:40:12.000 Really?
00:40:13.000 Yeah, I thought it did too.
00:40:14.000 But what it really is, didn't Chris Ryan explain that to us?
00:40:17.000 I believe it was Dr. Chris Ryan, PhD, author of Sex at Dawn.
00:40:22.000 Good friend.
00:40:24.000 I know him well.
00:40:25.000 But I believe he was the one who educated us on that, that what's going on is that you're counting in infant mortality.
00:40:33.000 It used to be like if people got an infection, like a blood infection before antibiotics, guess what?
00:40:38.000 You're dead.
00:40:38.000 Right.
00:40:39.000 You know what I mean?
00:40:39.000 You get septic, guess what?
00:40:41.000 You're dead.
00:40:41.000 Yeah.
00:40:42.000 Tetanus?
00:40:42.000 Yeah, you're dead.
00:40:44.000 Rabies, you're dead.
00:40:45.000 Snakebite?
00:40:45.000 Yeah, you're dead.
00:40:47.000 Everybody's dead.
00:40:48.000 Yeah, but aren't people living like...
00:40:50.000 There's more like...
00:40:52.000 90-year-old people, aren't there?
00:40:53.000 I would like to find that out.
00:40:55.000 Let's find out, Jim.
00:40:56.000 It also is probably cultural.
00:40:58.000 When I was in Africa, I was talking to a guy who was 50, and he was acting like he was at the end of his life.
00:41:06.000 Just matter-of-factly, just stoically, he's like, I don't have much time, you know.
00:41:11.000 And for people in the Maasai, they don't live that long.
00:41:15.000 Yeah, because lions live around fucking lions.
00:41:19.000 Yeah.
00:41:19.000 Yeah, if you're 50 and you haven't been eaten yet, you're like, holy shit.
00:41:23.000 What a great run I've gone on.
00:41:25.000 The gods have smiled upon me.
00:41:27.000 I will continue.
00:41:29.000 Cecil has not taken my life.
00:41:32.000 This is March of 2016. It said for the first time in human history, I guess, people who are 65 and older will surpass those under 5. So there'll be more people that are older than there are that are younger.
00:41:45.000 So people are staying alive, but are they living longer?
00:41:50.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:41:51.000 Is that the same?
00:41:52.000 No, they're not living longer to like 100 years old, but there's more people that are alive that are 65. So it's like people are staying alive, but are they living longer?
00:42:02.000 Like what is the long age that people live?
00:42:04.000 Like if you don't die of something, if you just die of old age, what is that number?
00:42:09.000 And has that number moved?
00:42:10.000 Yeah, I think that number...
00:42:12.000 Isn't that funny that we just fixate on that?
00:42:14.000 When do I die?
00:42:16.000 It's heavy, man.
00:42:17.000 When's the end of the movie, man?
00:42:18.000 You ever watch Netflix and you accidentally hit the remote and you see there's 48 minutes left and you're like, fuck, now I know.
00:42:25.000 Yes.
00:42:25.000 I could have just been locked into this movie enjoying it for what it is.
00:42:29.000 Now I'm saying, okay, 48 minutes.
00:42:32.000 I kind of have to pee.
00:42:33.000 Should I hold it?
00:42:34.000 Should I pause?
00:42:35.000 And sometimes you feel shitty about yourself when you check.
00:42:38.000 You're like, I'm really enjoying this.
00:42:39.000 Why do I have to know?
00:42:40.000 Because we're retarded.
00:42:42.000 I feel bad sometimes if I check my phone and there's nothing on it.
00:42:46.000 I'm like, why did I even do that?
00:42:48.000 Yeah.
00:42:49.000 If you just obsessively look at your phone and see if you got a text, why?
00:42:53.000 It's the worst.
00:42:55.000 This phone thing is such a life suck.
00:42:59.000 It is.
00:42:59.000 Sometimes.
00:43:00.000 But again, it's also something that just needs to be managed.
00:43:04.000 Because it's a major connection to news.
00:43:07.000 You know what's fucked up, man?
00:43:08.000 I get the Time Magazine alerts.
00:43:10.000 And I get New York Times alerts.
00:43:13.000 I don't have the alerts.
00:43:15.000 I'll have the swipe left and see it.
00:43:17.000 I have alerts for certain breaking news things.
00:43:21.000 And for days, it was just Trump.
00:43:24.000 So every time my phone would vibrate...
00:43:27.000 I take a deep breath.
00:43:28.000 I'm like, please don't tell me we're at war.
00:43:30.000 I know.
00:43:30.000 I'm like, look at my phone.
00:43:31.000 Please don't tell me he dropped a nuke.
00:43:33.000 Please don't tell me some new Russia shit has gone down.
00:43:36.000 Every day it's some new Russia shit.
00:43:38.000 Every day.
00:43:38.000 It was so rapid fire.
00:43:41.000 Like those last two weeks before he took off on his vacation or his world tour...
00:43:46.000 It was non-stop.
00:43:47.000 There's something that was just revealed that's really interesting that James Comey has said that he ended the Hillary Clinton investigation early because there was some evidence that was introduced against her that was clearly counterfeit and from Russia.
00:44:03.000 Yeah.
00:44:04.000 And so he didn't want that evidence to leak.
00:44:06.000 Excuse me.
00:44:06.000 How crazy is that?
00:44:08.000 I know.
00:44:08.000 Well, that's what I heard.
00:44:09.000 I heard some congressman on Face the Nation say that.
00:44:13.000 He said, this is what is going to get scary about all these leaks and stuff.
00:44:18.000 He goes, they're taking...
00:44:21.000 The information from, the emails from people, say like, you know, the emails from the DNC or whatever, and they're leaving 99% of it perfect, and they put just one little line in that says something that's heinous or says something about somebody doing something torrid or something,
00:44:38.000 and they put that out.
00:44:40.000 That's more dangerous than just, in the old days, you're just trying to like launch some big story.
00:44:44.000 Now they just bury this one little item in this huge dump of information.
00:44:48.000 Yeah.
00:44:48.000 How do you sift through that?
00:44:50.000 How do you?
00:44:50.000 Yeah, I don't know if you do.
00:44:52.000 When you read something and it's been leaked to WikiLeaks, how do they know that it hasn't been altered?
00:44:56.000 Exactly.
00:44:57.000 Is that something that they do checks on?
00:44:59.000 Do you know?
00:45:00.000 Find that out.
00:45:00.000 Well, that's what the Comey thing, but it took a long time.
00:45:03.000 In the initial dump, it was like, they're just going through it and, what's this?
00:45:07.000 Right.
00:45:07.000 But it takes a long time to sift through it and see if that's really a true story or not.
00:45:11.000 The truth is like bubble gum right now.
00:45:14.000 Yeah.
00:45:14.000 That would be an amazing feat if they could verify 100% the veracity of these emails that are being leaked.
00:45:21.000 They could probably verify the sources.
00:45:23.000 Yeah.
00:45:24.000 But whether or not they could verify that this hasn't been altered in any way, I don't know.
00:45:28.000 Maybe we just don't understand the technology.
00:45:31.000 Maybe they can do that.
00:45:32.000 They'll probably get there.
00:45:33.000 I mean, they've got to be working on it.
00:45:35.000 What the fuck, though?
00:45:36.000 That's my whole philosophy with everything in life right now.
00:45:39.000 Someone's working on that, right?
00:45:41.000 Well, it is so crazy.
00:45:42.000 Where's the nuclear waste going to go?
00:45:43.000 Someone's working on that.
00:45:44.000 Well, they have been working on that.
00:45:47.000 They're trying to figure out a way to use it for fuel.
00:45:49.000 That would be cool.
00:45:50.000 They think they can do it, too.
00:45:51.000 They think we're, you know, who knows how long away from using all of our nuclear waste as fuel.
00:45:57.000 For like a rocket ship?
00:46:00.000 I don't know.
00:46:01.000 They were talking about making batteries with it out of diamonds.
00:46:05.000 Remember that?
00:46:06.000 They were talking about using nuclear radiation from nuclear waste to charge diamonds as batteries.
00:46:15.000 That's some Star Trek stuff.
00:46:16.000 I know, it sounds like total horseshit.
00:46:18.000 Where you have like this one little orb of stuff.
00:46:20.000 I needed a second Jamie.
00:46:22.000 A standby Jamie.
00:46:23.000 It seems like they can't actually confirm authenticity of the stuff they're getting.
00:46:31.000 They can't.
00:46:31.000 So when WikiLeaks gets an email, they can't necessarily guarantee the veracity.
00:46:39.000 But then they did at some point.
00:46:41.000 They couldn't with the Hillary stuff in the beginning, but now Comey's...
00:46:45.000 I don't know, man.
00:46:46.000 Well, Comey's saying that one thing seemed to be counterfeit.
00:46:51.000 So one thing being counterfeit is like, okay, how do you know?
00:46:54.000 They're not going to release how they know yet.
00:46:57.000 Right.
00:46:58.000 There's a whole crazy bunch of shit going to go on with him and this investigation against Trump.
00:47:05.000 Yeah, it's big stuff.
00:47:08.000 It's weird.
00:47:09.000 Big time stuff.
00:47:09.000 It's weird.
00:47:11.000 I don't know how weird it is.
00:47:13.000 I mean, I really feel like Trump was running.
00:47:17.000 He didn't know he was going to win.
00:47:19.000 They were just like...
00:47:20.000 You know, he's still a businessman.
00:47:22.000 They're dealing with Russia and they're dealing with all this stuff.
00:47:25.000 They weren't thinking, like, politicians, like, this might look bad one day.
00:47:28.000 Then, holy shit, he gets through and the momentum carries and now he's the guy.
00:47:32.000 And it's like, oh, so Manafort probably shouldn't have made that deal with them.
00:47:38.000 You know what I mean?
00:47:39.000 Like, all this other...
00:47:40.000 He kind of got caught up because he just wasn't...
00:47:43.000 He was a businessman.
00:47:44.000 He was doing that stuff.
00:47:46.000 But he definitely wanted to win, you know?
00:47:48.000 You don't think he expected to win?
00:47:50.000 I don't think he expected to win.
00:47:51.000 No, he's still talking about it like, holy shit, I won!
00:47:55.000 He says it every time you ask him a question, you'll be like, so what do you think about palm trees?
00:47:59.000 Should we save those?
00:48:00.000 I don't know, but you know, it's really hard for a Republican to win the Electoral College, but I did it.
00:48:04.000 Did you see the map?
00:48:05.000 I just put up a map in my office about it.
00:48:07.000 Yeah, but isn't that just because he likes to congratulate himself?
00:48:10.000 Partially, but he's also a little in awe.
00:48:12.000 Boy, I don't see it that way.
00:48:14.000 No?
00:48:14.000 I see him as extremely self-congratulatory.
00:48:18.000 That's a part of his whole shtick.
00:48:20.000 Like when he talks about a television show, he'll say how it's number one because he watches it.
00:48:24.000 Right.
00:48:24.000 All the ratings.
00:48:25.000 Did you see him shove the guy out of the way?
00:48:27.000 Yeah.
00:48:28.000 What the fuck was that about?
00:48:31.000 It's him, man.
00:48:32.000 He pushed the guy out of the way and then straightened his jacket like a guy in a movie.
00:48:34.000 And when he pushed him out of the way, he grit his teeth like, get the fuck out of here.
00:48:38.000 Wow.
00:48:40.000 He's so nuts.
00:48:42.000 It's so weird.
00:48:43.000 Who was the guy he pushed out of the way?
00:48:44.000 Weird.
00:48:44.000 He's the leader of Montenegro, who's just coming into the European Union.
00:48:49.000 So he's there like, this is my first time with the whole EU. This is my first time being here.
00:48:54.000 And they're coming out for a photo and Trump shoves him out of the way.
00:48:58.000 And they're like, straightens this thing like, I'm alright.
00:49:02.000 The glowing counter-terrorism.
00:49:05.000 The counter-terrorism globe.
00:49:08.000 Have you seen the photo from the other angle?
00:49:11.000 Like, which shows what they're looking at?
00:49:13.000 Like, all the desks and the crazy CL? No, but it's just, the fucking picture's preposterous.
00:49:19.000 That's everything that every conspirator...
00:49:21.000 Right.
00:49:22.000 That's everything every conspiracy theorist is fucking terrified about.
00:49:26.000 You're right.
00:49:26.000 There's a dude behind him who's dressed in traditional Arab garb.
00:49:31.000 Yeah, the Saudi guy.
00:49:33.000 Yeah, the Saudi guy who's probably worth a trillion dollars.
00:49:35.000 He's touching the globe.
00:49:36.000 The other guy, where's he from?
00:49:38.000 With his perfect suit and his Iranian face.
00:49:40.000 Yeah.
00:49:41.000 He looks like a Middle Eastern gentleman also.
00:49:44.000 He's touching that globe.
00:49:45.000 Then Trump with his expensive suit on, his crazy hair, he's touching that globe.
00:49:49.000 And the light coming up from underneath like a scary camp story.
00:49:53.000 This is a fucking movie, man.
00:49:54.000 This is a movie.
00:49:55.000 They're holding on to a globe at the same time and it's glowing.
00:49:58.000 It's so weird.
00:49:59.000 This is a comic book.
00:50:00.000 I know, it really is.
00:50:01.000 It's a comic book.
00:50:02.000 This is a scene in Star Wars.
00:50:05.000 What the fuck is that?
00:50:06.000 That's so crazy.
00:50:08.000 Why do that?
00:50:09.000 I don't know.
00:50:09.000 Do you think Obama would hold onto that globe?
00:50:11.000 No.
00:50:11.000 Do you think Obama would be like, hold on, what are we doing?
00:50:13.000 Yeah, right here.
00:50:15.000 The globe, it's glowing.
00:50:17.000 Okay.
00:50:17.000 What does that represent?
00:50:18.000 I think we're going to pass on the globe.
00:50:20.000 Why is it glowing?
00:50:22.000 Do we have an explanation for this?
00:50:24.000 Exactly.
00:50:25.000 Can we take this?
00:50:26.000 Let's take a picture by the fountain instead.
00:50:27.000 Fuck, man.
00:50:29.000 It's all of it.
00:50:30.000 This is so odd.
00:50:31.000 It's so odd.
00:50:33.000 It's a big oil grab.
00:50:34.000 Now I understand why dudes are out there with the fucking metal detector, man.
00:50:37.000 Simplify life.
00:50:38.000 Just looking for shiny rocks and metal and shit.
00:50:41.000 Joe, I am telling you, this bread obsession of mine is...
00:50:45.000 If things are going well, I'm probably not making as much bread.
00:50:50.000 But to just go in simply and just be making bread with the news off and just put on some Bob Marley and just go and make bread and give it to my friends and family, it's a calming thing in these chaotic times.
00:51:02.000 And I'm not...
00:51:03.000 You know, it's corny.
00:51:05.000 I'm not trying to be corny.
00:51:06.000 But I really believe that back to basic, it seems like people are just like, let's just simplify things.
00:51:12.000 This is out of whack.
00:51:14.000 Totally.
00:51:15.000 Let me just.
00:51:16.000 Well, bread is a task, right?
00:51:18.000 You know, you've got your ingredients, you know what to do, and if you do all the things that you're supposed to do, it'll come out this delicious, amazing food that you can eat.
00:51:25.000 Yeah, and yet it's elusive.
00:51:27.000 You have to tend to it.
00:51:28.000 It's a craft.
00:51:29.000 Yeah, right.
00:51:30.000 You have to learn it.
00:51:30.000 Right.
00:51:31.000 So this task, it becomes this thing that your mind is fixated on, and you can fill your consciousness with the nuances of this task and not think about all the bullshit, like these fucking weirdos grabbing globes.
00:51:42.000 Right, exactly.
00:51:43.000 Making weird oil deals all over the place.
00:51:46.000 What was the other question that we were asking about when I was trying to double jam you?
00:51:49.000 Montenegro.
00:51:50.000 Well, the death, the average age of death.
00:51:52.000 Oh, yeah.
00:51:52.000 Oh, yeah.
00:51:53.000 Which I didn't really get to yet.
00:51:55.000 78.8 is what it hasn't changed from.
00:51:57.000 78.8 for men?
00:51:59.000 Yeah, but I think that's still based off of that infant mortality thing added into it.
00:52:02.000 Right.
00:52:02.000 Yeah, I think that's always added into it.
00:52:04.000 This is just like right out of like a James Bond.
00:52:07.000 Totally.
00:52:08.000 This is like X-Men.
00:52:09.000 That's like Star Wars.
00:52:10.000 Like you expect Darth Vader to like be at the end of that and the guy comes in after to give the report on what happened.
00:52:16.000 Seriously, though, could you imagine being Trump, a guy who used to host a reality show on NBC? Yeah.
00:52:22.000 He's a successful businessman.
00:52:23.000 You know, he's a well-known guy.
00:52:25.000 But, I mean, how much of that is a ramp up between you or I or a lot of people that we know that are famous?
00:52:32.000 How much of his, like, Jerry Seinfeld.
00:52:34.000 Is Donald Trump a ramp up in popularity over Jerry Seinfeld?
00:52:38.000 I guess he is now that he's the president, but when Jerry was on TV and Trump was on, they're kind of commensurate.
00:52:45.000 You could see, like, Jerry Seinfeld being president, is what my point is.
00:52:47.000 Sure.
00:52:48.000 Ronald Reagan.
00:52:49.000 Go back to that original picture that we were just looking at just a couple frames ago.
00:52:52.000 Now go and think of a guy like this.
00:52:55.000 Go full screen on this fucking thing.
00:52:57.000 Imagine Jerry Seinfeld and all of a sudden Seinfeld gets invited to this League of Nations thing that looks like a superhero comic book scene in one of those movies.
00:53:09.000 I mean there's a goddamn picture of the earth that's a light that's on the wall.
00:53:14.000 All the light on the floor is blue.
00:53:16.000 There's little spotlights everywhere.
00:53:17.000 It's all freaky and clean and perfect.
00:53:19.000 There's these little screens in front of every chair.
00:53:22.000 Like, what the fuck is this?
00:53:23.000 This is where all the world's decisions get made?
00:53:25.000 Yeah.
00:53:25.000 It looks like the, uh, what's the Peter Sellers movie with the bomb?
00:53:29.000 Dr. Strangelove?
00:53:30.000 It looks like Dr. Strangelove.
00:53:31.000 Exactly.
00:53:31.000 It looks like Dr. Strangelove.
00:53:33.000 Well, just, I mean, why would we expect them to make more sense than us?
00:53:37.000 Yeah.
00:53:38.000 That's the thing about world leaders.
00:53:39.000 Like, they're just people.
00:53:40.000 And they're people that have an extraordinary amount of power with not nearly as much oversight.
00:53:45.000 Right.
00:53:46.000 In most countries, right?
00:53:48.000 In most of these, like, Middle Eastern countries and most of these, I mean, they don't really have to fucking tell people what they're doing.
00:53:53.000 They do whatever the hell they want.
00:53:54.000 Yeah, for sure.
00:53:55.000 In a lot of these places that we have relationships with, they have crazy human rights violations.
00:53:59.000 Yeah.
00:54:00.000 Yeah.
00:54:00.000 I mean, look, you have to deal with good and bad.
00:54:04.000 You can't really...
00:54:05.000 I know, but look at that, man.
00:54:07.000 Imagine someone like Seinfeld there.
00:54:10.000 Imagine if he won.
00:54:11.000 Like, what if Seinfeld became president?
00:54:12.000 He's like, this is crazy.
00:54:14.000 What is this globe?
00:54:15.000 What are we doing with this thing on the wall?
00:54:18.000 I can't find my translator.
00:54:23.000 Trump is...
00:54:24.000 I mean, we always think of politicians the same way I used to think about celebrities before I met a few of them.
00:54:31.000 Yeah.
00:54:32.000 You meet him and you go, oh, that's just a dude.
00:54:34.000 He's just a dude.
00:54:35.000 Right.
00:54:35.000 He's just a guy.
00:54:36.000 Yeah, just a guy.
00:54:37.000 Yeah.
00:54:37.000 It just so happens that they become famous.
00:54:40.000 Yeah.
00:54:40.000 Well, I think that's kind of the same way with politicians.
00:54:43.000 We've always thought of people...
00:54:44.000 That's one of the reasons why we've almost allowed them a certain amount of leeway when it comes to insincerity and getting caught in corruption and lies.
00:54:54.000 There's a certain amount, like, she's a politician.
00:54:56.000 He's a senator.
00:54:57.000 This is what they do.
00:54:59.000 You let it slide.
00:54:59.000 Yeah, you let a little bit of it slide.
00:55:00.000 But if it was a friend that was doing that, you'd have serious problems with them.
00:55:05.000 Yeah.
00:55:06.000 But look, things have to be a little dirty because you're dealing with everybody.
00:55:12.000 You're dealing with everybody.
00:55:13.000 There's so many interests.
00:55:15.000 That's what a politician is.
00:55:16.000 It's a compromise.
00:55:17.000 It's playing both sides.
00:55:19.000 It's trying to get stuff done.
00:55:20.000 I think we've gone to this...
00:55:22.000 This absurd point of misinterpreting good for flawless.
00:55:28.000 You know what I mean?
00:55:29.000 There could be good people who have a lot of dirty stuff going on.
00:55:33.000 No one's flawless.
00:55:35.000 The idea that, based on the internet, we're able to get all information on everybody all the time.
00:55:41.000 We can't hold people to a standard of being flawless.
00:55:45.000 It doesn't exist.
00:55:46.000 But I think you can be good while still making some, you know, if you set that parameter, that bar, you're never going to have people that are good enough.
00:55:58.000 Yeah, and you're going to have these weirdos that have insane egos, because those are the only ones that are willing to take the punishment of being criticized the way Trump's taking it right now.
00:56:08.000 He's taking it in a way that no one's ever taken it before.
00:56:10.000 You could say he deserves it.
00:56:11.000 I'm not saying that.
00:56:12.000 I'm not making a judgment call.
00:56:14.000 I'm saying it is absolutely fascinating the way the media and the way people online are treating this president of the United States.
00:56:22.000 It may be justified.
00:56:23.000 I'm not arguing that it's not.
00:56:24.000 What I'm saying though is it's a very unique moment in time where you see so many people attacking the president.
00:56:31.000 Well, it's such a rush.
00:56:34.000 You know, you could say, I was having a discussion with my teenage daughter about navigating online stuff and seeing what people are doing, and it's almost like the president is going through the same thing that you're going through as a comedian that teenage girls are going through.
00:56:49.000 This is a flood of information and access and attacks and praise and everything from everybody all the time, 24 hours a day.
00:56:57.000 So the same way we have to navigate with haters and all that kind of stuff, the same way kids do, the president has to deal with a flood that's never been This raging before.
00:57:10.000 I mean, it is an intense, intense thing.
00:57:13.000 And it almost is like, who else but somebody built for television is ready for this job at this time?
00:57:20.000 And maybe not even him.
00:57:21.000 But what I was saying is that politicians were always like, a thing not like you or I. But then all of a sudden they are a thing like you or I, because now it's Trump.
00:57:29.000 And he might not be like the average person, but he's like you or I. I almost did his show.
00:57:34.000 When I was doing the re-version, the new version of Fear Factor, they invited me to do it.
00:57:39.000 And I thought about it for a while, but I would have had to live in New York for a few months, and I was like, I don't want to do that.
00:57:43.000 The new Fear Factor that's coming out?
00:57:45.000 The old one.
00:57:45.000 Oh, the old one.
00:57:46.000 Like in 2011 or whatever the hell it was when we redid it again.
00:57:50.000 Yep.
00:57:52.000 And you would have been with him.
00:57:54.000 I could have been hanging out with him.
00:57:55.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:57:56.000 He came on the marriage ref.
00:57:57.000 Yeah.
00:57:57.000 I sat with him on the marriage ref.
00:57:59.000 We hung out backstage.
00:58:01.000 The first thing he said when he walked into the dressing room was, we're going to get great ratings tonight.
00:58:05.000 We're going to get great ratings.
00:58:07.000 He was so focused.
00:58:08.000 And he was impressive.
00:58:10.000 He was tall.
00:58:11.000 He was a dominant guy in the room.
00:58:14.000 And then I'm sitting on stage with him, and we're all talking about married couples.
00:58:18.000 It was like you would show real people, and then you'd discuss their marital problems, and the celebrities would weigh in.
00:58:23.000 And the whole time he's right next to me, and the whole time he's making jokes about the girl's breasts.
00:58:29.000 He's just like, you know, nothing really...
00:58:32.000 Just being funny.
00:58:33.000 He was being funny.
00:58:33.000 And he would be like, well, you know, she's got something going for her.
00:58:36.000 And then he would look at me and give me a little wink on the side.
00:58:40.000 And it wasn't for the cameras.
00:58:41.000 It was just for me.
00:58:42.000 And it felt kind of creepy.
00:58:44.000 But it's like he was just a dude.
00:58:47.000 He's a charmer.
00:58:47.000 He's sitting there with me in equal footing.
00:58:50.000 And now he's the president of the United States.
00:58:53.000 Think about how powerful.
00:58:55.000 There's not one human being I don't believe in the country that doesn't have the word Trump go through their brain, whether they say it out loud or not.
00:59:02.000 All day.
00:59:02.000 All day.
00:59:03.000 All day.
00:59:03.000 Or at least a couple times a day.
00:59:06.000 You know what I mean?
00:59:07.000 It's so insane.
00:59:09.000 Yeah.
00:59:09.000 There's initial disbelief, then there's an aftershock, and now there is a waiting for the next shoe to drop.
00:59:15.000 Every day.
00:59:15.000 Everybody's just sitting around waiting for the newest scandal.
00:59:18.000 Every day.
00:59:19.000 Waiting for the impeachment, waiting for the lawsuits, waiting for the jail.
00:59:23.000 You just want calm.
00:59:25.000 I mean, you know, you have a great joke when you've been working on about this isn't a job for one person.
00:59:32.000 Yes.
00:59:33.000 Right?
00:59:33.000 This really should be a committee of people running this country.
00:59:36.000 It's too much for somebody.
00:59:37.000 And I love the joke.
00:59:40.000 But I think that what his job is, what that president's job is more than anything, is to just lead people.
00:59:47.000 He has power.
00:59:49.000 All those people in those positions, they have power.
00:59:52.000 And what they say and what they do affects people.
00:59:56.000 Not policy, just the Reagan-esque world.
00:59:59.000 How they carry themselves.
01:00:00.000 Carry themselves.
01:00:01.000 Make you feel good about the direction.
01:00:03.000 And right now, everybody's...
01:00:07.000 Filled with anxiety because he's not doing that part of the job well.
01:00:12.000 Well, he still goes on Twitter and calls people losers.
01:00:15.000 And you're like, wait, it's like a kid, like you were saying before, it's like a kid hearing, like having a dad be batshit crazy in the house.
01:00:23.000 The house is going to be crazy.
01:00:24.000 If dad is shooting heroin and he's laying on the couch and he's covered in Cheetos and he's yelling at the wife, the whole house is going to be freaked out.
01:00:34.000 That's what's going on.
01:00:35.000 But is that the price that we have to pay to realize that our system is ridiculous?
01:00:41.000 Is there any...
01:00:41.000 The throwing the card table up and...
01:00:43.000 Is there any value in that thought?
01:00:45.000 I mean, other than the real issues with the environment, the rolling back the standards on the EPA and all the different things he's doing that freak people out.
01:00:53.000 Yeah.
01:00:53.000 The Dakota Access Pipeline, which I don't understand enough to know whether or not they were going to restart that anyway.
01:00:59.000 I know Obama shut it down, right?
01:01:00.000 And then Trump brought it back up again.
01:01:02.000 Who knows if they had made some sort of an agreement?
01:01:04.000 Yeah.
01:01:05.000 Who knows how that works?
01:01:06.000 Who knows if they...
01:01:07.000 You know how that business is very dirty.
01:01:09.000 It's very dirty.
01:01:10.000 Totally.
01:01:10.000 I mean, you could make a case that all of this is a big oil grab, right?
01:01:16.000 Well, the Dakota Pipeline stuff is terrifying.
01:01:18.000 Dakota Pipeline stuff, the head of the EPA is an oil guy, the Secretary of State is an Exxon guy, the people he favors more than our European allies are Saudi Arabia and Russia, big oil.
01:01:32.000 Business partners.
01:01:33.000 You could say, this is just business.
01:01:36.000 As usual.
01:01:37.000 Right.
01:01:37.000 And the thing is, and this is what's so complex about it, it's...
01:01:41.000 Okay, so maybe it's an oil grab and he's getting his friends rich, but oil also is so much more than just what's coming out of our cars.
01:01:50.000 We are so deep in oil, it's not...
01:01:57.000 My main thing is the planet and its beauty and trying to sustain it.
01:02:00.000 I'm a complete believer in climate change and all of that.
01:02:06.000 But to naively say we can just shut down oil and be like, we can all just move along, it's so much deeper than that.
01:02:13.000 My nephew just graduated from school, and he's a big agro-farming guy.
01:02:20.000 That's what he wants to do with his whole life.
01:02:22.000 His revelation was that oil and food are so interconnected.
01:02:27.000 All of the fertilizer that's creating all of the food that we're eating every day is oil-based.
01:02:33.000 He said, so you're trying to separate emissions and all this stuff, but just the food that we eat is so tied to oil.
01:02:41.000 We need oil.
01:02:43.000 So I don't know how you fix that and how you try and make good policy about it.
01:02:49.000 Well, there are alternatives to fossil fuel-based oils that they use to make plastics.
01:02:57.000 I know that.
01:02:58.000 I know they can even make plastic out of hemp.
01:03:00.000 Oh, yeah?
01:03:01.000 Yeah, it's biodegradable.
01:03:02.000 And they've just started to make these biodegradable natural fiber plastic bags that are made out of plant plastic.
01:03:10.000 Yeah, like in the supermarket.
01:03:12.000 If you put your vegetables in those, they're supposed to...
01:03:14.000 Well, when they go into the environment, they'll actually biodegrade.
01:03:20.000 They will become dirt again.
01:03:22.000 Right, right.
01:03:22.000 As opposed to a regular plastic bag, which probably takes like a fucking 100,000 years or something.
01:03:26.000 Then birds eat it and die and choke on the plastic caps.
01:03:30.000 But apparently you can make plastic out of hemp.
01:03:33.000 And it's super easy to make in terms of, like, it regrows itself very quickly.
01:03:39.000 Like, if you have a forest and you're trying to make paper, like, you know, you're trying to make paper out of a, you know, you have a forest timber that you chop down specifically for paper.
01:03:47.000 To regrow it to the point where you could grow paper again could take years.
01:03:50.000 I don't know how many years, but many years.
01:03:52.000 Whereas hemp regrows itself every year.
01:03:54.000 Really?
01:03:55.000 Every year, yeah.
01:03:56.000 Wow.
01:03:56.000 What is this right here, Jamie?
01:03:57.000 This is edible plastic made out of milk protein.
01:04:00.000 Oh, jeez.
01:04:01.000 That's a reason for food packaging.
01:04:02.000 Holy cow.
01:04:03.000 Not vegan.
01:04:05.000 Yeah.
01:04:06.000 Yeah.
01:04:07.000 But I mean, they're packaging dairy products and whatnot with it, at least is what the video shows.
01:04:11.000 That's fascinating.
01:04:12.000 I just saw this video two days ago.
01:04:14.000 Well, that's certainly something that can be worked on.
01:04:17.000 The idea of biodegradable plastics would be huge.
01:04:20.000 That's one of the scariest things is...
01:04:23.000 That we started making waste and never had a plan to do anything with the waste, and then it stacked up to the point where we're dealing with enormous amounts of waste being put out by human beings every single second of every single day.
01:04:36.000 Huge!
01:04:36.000 I was in New York last week, just working the Comedy Cellar all week, and every night I left the club, just on McDougal Street, just between 3rd and Bleecker, The amount of garbage that's thrown out of these restaurants and these juice places and coffee places stacked waist high all the way down the street every single day.
01:04:59.000 You see rats darting in and out of them.
01:05:01.000 Oh, tons of rats.
01:05:03.000 Tons of rats.
01:05:05.000 They're creepy.
01:05:06.000 Yeah, we are a weird creature, man.
01:05:09.000 There's so many of us.
01:05:11.000 And we're not really thinking about that.
01:05:13.000 Like, you think about how many, like, on an average day, how many water bottles do you come across in LA? It's the worst.
01:05:18.000 Jesus Christ, there's like ten of them here in this room.
01:05:20.000 I know, I feel guilty drinking it.
01:05:22.000 I got gas this morning, I threw a bunch out of my car, I threw them into the garbage.
01:05:27.000 Gas?
01:05:28.000 When I got gas, you know, I threw it at the garbage can at the gas station.
01:05:30.000 I was like, look how many fucking water bottles I have in my car.
01:05:33.000 It's crazy.
01:05:33.000 Think about how many times someone had to make plastic and how many bottles of plastic are being made and then that plastic has to be in a landfill somewhere.
01:05:41.000 Or floating in the ocean, that giant island in the ocean.
01:05:43.000 Yeah.
01:05:44.000 That big plastic bottle island.
01:05:46.000 Yeah.
01:05:46.000 Oh, it's terrible.
01:05:47.000 Apparently it's not quite an island.
01:05:49.000 They call it an island, but it's really just like a floating patch.
01:05:52.000 Oh, yeah.
01:05:53.000 But it's disgusting.
01:05:54.000 It's horrible.
01:05:54.000 It's really bad.
01:05:55.000 Some kids figured out a way to fix that.
01:05:57.000 There's so many people.
01:05:58.000 Yeah.
01:05:59.000 Just, I mean, there's so many of us.
01:06:01.000 Yep.
01:06:02.000 Like, I'm all for farm-to-table and, like, knowing where your meat comes from.
01:06:06.000 Right.
01:06:06.000 I get it.
01:06:07.000 I want to do it.
01:06:08.000 I'm trying, you know...
01:06:10.000 But when you think about how many people are looking for lunch at the same time, all those mouths looking to feed, I mean...
01:06:22.000 You need like a McDonald's.
01:06:23.000 Somebody's got to feed these people.
01:06:25.000 You know what I mean?
01:06:26.000 In a cheap way.
01:06:28.000 There's definitely an issue, for sure.
01:06:30.000 I don't know if you need a McDonald's.
01:06:32.000 But you need something.
01:06:33.000 You need food, and there's 20-plus million people in this area that aren't growing anything other than the occasional pot plant.
01:06:40.000 Right, exactly.
01:06:41.000 Maybe a fern.
01:06:41.000 I have a fern in my kitchen.
01:06:42.000 I'm growing my own basil.
01:06:45.000 I'm growing my own peppers.
01:06:48.000 I mean, who the fuck do you know that grows enough to live off of?
01:06:50.000 I know.
01:06:51.000 You can't do it.
01:06:52.000 You can't do it unless you live on a farm.
01:06:54.000 Yeah.
01:06:55.000 Nobody's growing enough food to live off.
01:06:56.000 I mean, just the people you see on the 405. I mean, just feed those people.
01:07:02.000 You know what it is to have on this great Memorial Day weekend?
01:07:06.000 If you're going to have some people over and have a little barbecue...
01:07:10.000 You bring ten people over, you gotta get some food.
01:07:14.000 This is some serious amount of food you need to feed ten people.
01:07:17.000 Yeah.
01:07:18.000 Billions of people!
01:07:19.000 And then they want to eat again in an hour.
01:07:21.000 Yeah.
01:07:21.000 And they want chips.
01:07:23.000 Do you have chips?
01:07:25.000 Do you have any soda?
01:07:26.000 What kind of soda do you have?
01:07:27.000 Taking dumps in your bathroom.
01:07:28.000 Filling up your fucking pipes with their shit.
01:07:32.000 Think about how much shit is going through.
01:07:34.000 They're eating on the bowl.
01:07:36.000 Chewing on a rib and taking a dump.
01:07:38.000 Think how much shit is going through under the city every minute.
01:07:41.000 The comedy store has a bathroom.
01:07:44.000 There's a new bathroom they just put in.
01:07:45.000 Oh yeah, I saw that fancy.
01:07:46.000 It backed up last night.
01:07:47.000 Oh no.
01:07:48.000 Yeah, they have old pipes in a new bathroom.
01:07:50.000 I don't know what they did, if they replaced the pipes, but something went wrong.
01:07:53.000 Oh, boy.
01:07:54.000 And I walked by the bathroom last night and was like, what the fuck is that smell?
01:07:58.000 Oh, no.
01:07:59.000 It's terrible.
01:08:00.000 There's something about the smell of shit outside of the water that is just so repulsive.
01:08:05.000 It's so gross.
01:08:06.000 Back to the dog thing.
01:08:09.000 We were talking about our dogs rolling in shit and stuff.
01:08:12.000 My cousin's dog the other day...
01:08:15.000 They had people coming to paint the house.
01:08:17.000 And my cousin's wife told them, hey, listen, you can use our bathroom.
01:08:22.000 Don't worry about going, you know, you don't have to go outside.
01:08:25.000 Our bathroom is your bathroom.
01:08:27.000 But they didn't really speak English.
01:08:28.000 They didn't really listen to her.
01:08:30.000 And some guy took a dump in the bushes.
01:08:33.000 The dog...
01:08:35.000 Rolled around and it came running inside and she's like, oh my god.
01:08:43.000 How did you get human shit on your head?
01:08:45.000 How did she know it was human shit?
01:08:47.000 It smelled different.
01:08:50.000 And then they went outside and looked and they're like, you guys, use our bathroom.
01:08:54.000 Oh, we're so sorry.
01:08:55.000 Oh no.
01:08:57.000 Oh my god, there's shit in the yard.
01:08:59.000 And the dog is so happy.
01:09:03.000 Look what I found!
01:09:05.000 These guys are great!
01:09:06.000 Have you seen these guys outside?
01:09:07.000 They're so great!
01:09:09.000 Why does a dog want to roll in shit?
01:09:13.000 I don't know.
01:09:14.000 What is that?
01:09:16.000 I don't know.
01:09:18.000 What possesses it to think that that's a good move?
01:09:22.000 They're just so happy.
01:09:25.000 Oh man, I guess I'll roll in this.
01:09:26.000 No one's gonna throw a ball?
01:09:27.000 I'll roll in this.
01:09:28.000 God damn.
01:09:29.000 Look what I found!
01:09:30.000 Have you met these guys?
01:09:31.000 They're awesome!
01:09:33.000 Their shit smells terrific.
01:09:36.000 Oh, so terrible.
01:09:39.000 Ari Shapiro apparently smeared his own shit on his face during a podcast.
01:09:41.000 Why?
01:09:42.000 I don't know.
01:09:43.000 They were talking about it.
01:09:44.000 One of their podcasts they did, he went to the bathroom, and I guess he didn't do a good job of wiping, and then he reached back and felt his butt and then smeared it on his face like war paint.
01:09:55.000 Oh, yeah.
01:09:55.000 They got taken off YouTube for that.
01:09:57.000 I can't find that.
01:09:57.000 I'm weird.
01:09:59.000 I would have felt like YouTube would get behind that with all their advertising money.
01:10:03.000 Yeah.
01:10:04.000 Oh, that's terrible.
01:10:06.000 Just wear a big shit on yourself.
01:10:09.000 He boiled his brain out there in Thailand.
01:10:12.000 He's out there in fucking Vietnam in the hot sun for too long.
01:10:15.000 Yeah, every time he comes back, he's a little different.
01:10:19.000 He's living a very unique life, that fella.
01:10:21.000 He is.
01:10:21.000 God bless him.
01:10:23.000 Is he off the cell phone now, even though he's here?
01:10:26.000 No, he'll text you.
01:10:28.000 You know, you can text him.
01:10:28.000 You can?
01:10:29.000 Yeah, he texts.
01:10:30.000 He has one of those flip phones that you can text with.
01:10:32.000 Right.
01:10:32.000 You know, like flip sideways and it's got like a keyboard.
01:10:35.000 He'll send you a text.
01:10:36.000 Yeah.
01:10:37.000 But you can't like send...
01:10:38.000 If you send him a picture, he has to forward it to his email.
01:10:40.000 Oh, good.
01:10:41.000 He's got to go to a...
01:10:42.000 Check it on his computer.
01:10:43.000 He's got to go to a library.
01:10:46.000 And they won't let him in because he's got shit on his face.
01:10:49.000 You're the guy.
01:10:51.000 Shit face.
01:10:52.000 Shit face.
01:10:53.000 You get out of my library.
01:10:55.000 Poor Ari.
01:10:56.000 It's so funny.
01:10:57.000 That guy went away for four months, man.
01:10:59.000 Yeah, I know.
01:11:00.000 Just vanished for four months without talking to anybody.
01:11:02.000 And then he shows up and it's like, oh, it's time to tape this TV show again.
01:11:05.000 Yeah.
01:11:06.000 It's not a bad move.
01:11:07.000 Well, I mean, I guarantee you he's got some crazy stories.
01:11:11.000 There's no way he doesn't.
01:11:12.000 Yeah.
01:11:12.000 Because he's probably out there making stories happen, too.
01:11:15.000 Like, knowing that he's going to need some stories.
01:11:16.000 Yeah.
01:11:18.000 It's true.
01:11:18.000 I know.
01:11:19.000 I mean, his whole show is a story.
01:11:20.000 It's all stories.
01:11:21.000 He needs it.
01:11:22.000 His show's one of the best shows on Comedy Central.
01:11:24.000 It is.
01:11:24.000 It's really good.
01:11:25.000 I really hope Comedy Central never cancels that thing.
01:11:28.000 It's really good.
01:11:28.000 One of the best shows on Comedy Central.
01:11:30.000 Yeah, I know.
01:11:31.000 It's one of the best stand-up shows there is.
01:11:33.000 It really is good.
01:11:33.000 And I did it twice.
01:11:36.000 And I get more hits off of that than I do stand-up sets.
01:11:40.000 Well, it's just different.
01:11:41.000 Yeah, they just like seeing it.
01:11:42.000 Because it's stories.
01:11:42.000 You're talking about stories.
01:11:43.000 And it's also different because guys like Henry Rollins did it.
01:11:47.000 Yeah.
01:11:47.000 He's not even necessarily a comic, but he's a great storyteller.
01:11:50.000 So he'll do this stand-up comedy storytelling show and just tell his stories.
01:11:54.000 And the setting's really cool.
01:11:55.000 It looks good, like in that strip club.
01:11:57.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:11:58.000 Have you ever been to that strip club outside of...
01:12:01.000 No.
01:12:01.000 I want to go there one day when he's not filming the show.
01:12:04.000 Just to go hang?
01:12:05.000 Just to feel what it's like when you really see it.
01:12:07.000 Yeah, that would be cool.
01:12:07.000 What is that place really like?
01:12:09.000 We're seeing a side of it that's not real.
01:12:11.000 No, you're seeing Atlantic City in the daytime.
01:12:13.000 It's like...
01:12:14.000 This is very different than what happens when the sun goes down.
01:12:18.000 Atlantic City in the daytime is dark.
01:12:19.000 Oof, yeah.
01:12:20.000 Is that a strip around the pole right there?
01:12:23.000 Hey, put your girls in the audience.
01:12:24.000 The fuck is this shit?
01:12:26.000 Yeah, that doesn't look fun.
01:12:27.000 When I was a kid, there was no girls that went to strip clubs.
01:12:30.000 None.
01:12:30.000 Zero.
01:12:31.000 Now everybody's like, yeah.
01:12:33.000 It's a thing to do.
01:12:33.000 She's so hot.
01:12:36.000 It's like going to a sports bar.
01:12:37.000 Yeah.
01:12:38.000 It's like girls who go to cigar bars.
01:12:40.000 Yeah.
01:12:40.000 I'm just like you guys.
01:12:42.000 I'm one of the guys.
01:12:43.000 Oh, right.
01:12:44.000 Right.
01:12:45.000 Right.
01:12:46.000 But we're here to not be with you right now.
01:12:48.000 They're trying to test your resolve, young Tom Papa.
01:12:51.000 Trying to calm down.
01:12:52.000 They're trying to get you to come over their side.
01:12:54.000 Slowly but surely, they turn you.
01:12:56.000 No, man, she's cool.
01:12:57.000 She's different from all the rest.
01:12:58.000 How about the guy who brings his girlfriend everywhere?
01:13:00.000 How about that brutal motherfucker?
01:13:02.000 Yeah.
01:13:03.000 You're going to have fights over your house.
01:13:03.000 Hey, man, you want to come over and watch the fights?
01:13:05.000 Yeah, sure.
01:13:05.000 I'm bringing Cindy.
01:13:07.000 Oh, you fuck.
01:13:09.000 You fuck.
01:13:10.000 You didn't even ask.
01:13:11.000 It's cool, right?
01:13:12.000 Those guys who don't even ask.
01:13:13.000 You just open the door and you're like, oh.
01:13:16.000 Everybody's over the house laughing.
01:13:18.000 People are drinking.
01:13:19.000 Pot smoking.
01:13:21.000 Someone's jerking off the dog with their foot.
01:13:23.000 Yeah.
01:13:23.000 And then she comes in!
01:13:26.000 Are you guys ever gonna grow up?
01:13:28.000 I did that once in college.
01:13:29.000 I came in and I was the guy who brought the girl and walked in and you could just The feel from everybody.
01:13:35.000 The hate was so thick and they just got so silent and changed the vibe until you got her out of there.
01:13:42.000 There was no other way to do it.
01:13:44.000 There's the guy comic who brings his girlfriend to everything and then expects her to be able to talk on podcasts.
01:13:50.000 There's a special place in hell reserved for those gentlemen.
01:13:54.000 You know who you pussy whipped mongrels are.
01:13:57.000 You get your shit together.
01:13:59.000 You get your shit together and don't you ever do that again.
01:14:03.000 Yeah, look you want to go to dinner sure bring her along you want to do it fine Mike's problem is that he doesn't listen to me enough I know, that's so great you're here to tell me that.
01:14:15.000 That's what I want to do right now.
01:14:17.000 We would be the same exact thing if we showed up for one of their Fifty Shades of Grey parties.
01:14:21.000 They're all wearing ball gags and ready to fucking tie each other up with stockings.
01:14:28.000 And we show up, oh great, you brought Jamie.
01:14:32.000 No, yeah, a guy going in with all girls, you ruin the whole night for them.
01:14:36.000 You ruin the vibe, man.
01:14:36.000 You show up at a Tupperware party?
01:14:40.000 Tom makes bread.
01:14:42.000 I make bread.
01:14:43.000 Ladies, the seal on this is not going to be enough to keep my bread fresh.
01:14:46.000 You fucking...
01:14:47.000 Yeah.
01:14:48.000 No.
01:14:49.000 You ever see girls at your shows and there's like a whole table of girls?
01:14:53.000 They're so free and they're so...
01:14:55.000 They're laughing.
01:14:55.000 They're having a good time.
01:14:56.000 One guy sits at that table...
01:14:58.000 Ruins it.
01:14:59.000 Ruins it.
01:14:59.000 Yeah, because he's playing sexual politics with at least two different girls.
01:15:02.000 Like, you might have a girlfriend there, but he's a little too friendly with her friend, and she's getting pissed off, and you complimented her dress.
01:15:08.000 I thought she was your friend.
01:15:10.000 It's a nice dress.
01:15:11.000 You look better.
01:15:12.000 Now you say that.
01:15:12.000 You didn't say that before.
01:15:15.000 Yeah, sometimes you just need a break.
01:15:19.000 Like the blueberry pie eating contest in Stand By Me, just in your face.
01:15:22.000 Ah!
01:15:24.000 Sometimes you need a break.
01:15:27.000 You need to light a cigar and be alone.
01:15:29.000 Get out of that.
01:15:31.000 It's too much.
01:15:32.000 It's absolutely important for any friendship, any relationship, any time two people interact with each other to take time apart from each other.
01:15:38.000 Just have a little bit of space.
01:15:40.000 You know, all the time.
01:15:41.000 Like, if you're on top of each other each and every day, unless you're a really unique couple, which I have met before.
01:15:47.000 They're out there.
01:15:48.000 They make you feel really bad about your own relationship.
01:15:50.000 They do everything together and they're always looking at each other and laughing.
01:15:53.000 Yeah, no, we're great.
01:15:54.000 We work together and we play together.
01:15:56.000 Well, we just get along.
01:15:58.000 We finish each other's sentences.
01:15:59.000 They're holding hands all the time.
01:16:01.000 Yeah, it does happen.
01:16:02.000 It does happen.
01:16:03.000 I hate them.
01:16:04.000 Well, you know what it is, man?
01:16:05.000 It's just like they found that frequency, that unique personality frequency.
01:16:09.000 Because oftentimes, your frequency and someone else's frequency is just, they're just off.
01:16:15.000 Yeah, and that doesn't mean you don't love each other.
01:16:17.000 Like, one person might be the who, and the other person is the doors.
01:16:21.000 Right.
01:16:21.000 And you're like, okay, we gotta figure out what we're doing here.
01:16:23.000 Yeah.
01:16:24.000 This is the end.
01:16:25.000 But we both really like the Beatles.
01:16:27.000 Yeah.
01:16:27.000 My only friend, the end.
01:16:31.000 Oh, how can you play that?
01:16:32.000 Who are you?
01:16:34.000 Who, who, who, who?
01:16:36.000 Like, no, no, no.
01:16:37.000 You're too hyper.
01:16:38.000 Too hyper, man.
01:16:39.000 Fuck you.
01:16:39.000 Totally different.
01:16:40.000 I know what I'm doing.
01:16:40.000 And those two people are together for 15 years.
01:16:43.000 Yeah, but clawing each other's throats.
01:16:46.000 It's really interesting when you see people that are clawing each other's throats.
01:16:50.000 Yeah.
01:16:50.000 Okay, that's a good question.
01:16:51.000 Who would you rather be around?
01:16:52.000 The couple that's stabbing at each other or the ideal couple who's making you feel like your relationship isn't so great?
01:16:59.000 Oh, the ideal couple, for sure.
01:17:00.000 I want to be around happy people.
01:17:01.000 Yeah.
01:17:01.000 I want to be around people that are enjoying each other's company.
01:17:04.000 There's nothing more frustrating than being around two people that insult each other like slyly in public.
01:17:09.000 Ooh, it's brutal.
01:17:10.000 We know a couple of those.
01:17:11.000 Phil Hartman's wife used to do that all the time.
01:17:13.000 Really?
01:17:14.000 Yeah.
01:17:14.000 They say you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but when they kill your friend and then kill themselves, I think you're allowed to talk shit.
01:17:18.000 Absolutely.
01:17:19.000 There's no reverence and death for the bad ones.
01:17:21.000 They had a very combative relationship, but she used to talk shit about him in front of us.
01:17:25.000 Really?
01:17:26.000 Yeah, right in front of him and us.
01:17:27.000 It was just like, she would say he's old.
01:17:31.000 One time she was talking about her car.
01:17:34.000 Phil was talking about a car.
01:17:36.000 Phil was a car aficionado.
01:17:37.000 Loved cars.
01:17:38.000 So we were talking about a car.
01:17:40.000 I forget what it was.
01:17:41.000 And then she goes, I love pickup trucks.
01:17:43.000 I want to get a pickup truck.
01:17:44.000 All my boyfriends back home had pickup trucks.
01:17:47.000 Yeah.
01:17:48.000 And you're just picturing her getting stuffed in the back of this pickup truck by some fucking farmer boy, some dude with thick wrists and big ol' catcher's mid-hands, just laying his fat dick to her.
01:18:01.000 Doesn't even take his pants off.
01:18:03.000 But saying that, like, I don't know.
01:18:05.000 It's terrible.
01:18:06.000 It's just weird.
01:18:07.000 And was it constantly like that?
01:18:08.000 She was always belittling him, always tearing him down?
01:18:10.000 They would have these horrible fights, man.
01:18:13.000 I never understand that.
01:18:14.000 It's like you're together.
01:18:16.000 His success is your success.
01:18:19.000 And yet they'll still tear them down.
01:18:21.000 Well, people don't think logically.
01:18:23.000 I know what you're saying, but that's not a logical thought.
01:18:26.000 I think they just didn't get along great.
01:18:30.000 For whatever reason.
01:18:32.000 Phil was really fucking smart, too.
01:18:35.000 He was the coolest.
01:18:36.000 He was a really smart guy.
01:18:37.000 You're so lucky you got to know him.
01:18:39.000 Yeah, he would do things, like he learned how to be a pilot.
01:18:44.000 So he would be on the set, and during the downtime, he'd be reading aviation books.
01:18:49.000 He'd be sitting there reading them, going through them.
01:18:51.000 He was the most studious guy and the most disciplined with his notes.
01:18:54.000 He would have his script, and each one of his scenes that he was in would have a certain highlight, like a tab, like a green tab or whatever the color tab was.
01:19:04.000 And then all of his scenes would be highlighted.
01:19:06.000 He'd have notes beside them.
01:19:08.000 Specific parts of the scene where he wanted to do something different or he questioned his intent.
01:19:15.000 And he would just, every time he would nail it.
01:19:18.000 Every time he would nail it.
01:19:19.000 The incredibly rare time where he would crack up during a filming.
01:19:24.000 But, you know, just having fun.
01:19:26.000 It was never like he fucked up.
01:19:27.000 But he never fucked up, right.
01:19:28.000 I mean, everybody fucks up and laughs when you're not supposed to laugh, because it's funny.
01:19:32.000 But he was on his game.
01:19:33.000 He was so professional, but he was like a very, very, very intelligent man.
01:19:38.000 Well, he was an artist, too, right?
01:19:40.000 Yes.
01:19:40.000 Didn't he start out, like, designing album covers?
01:19:41.000 He designed album covers for bands.
01:19:43.000 Yeah.
01:19:44.000 Before he was ever even on SNL. He was also one of the writers for Pee Wee's Playhouse.
01:19:49.000 Right.
01:19:49.000 And he was on Pee-wee's Playhouse.
01:19:50.000 Yeah, he was on Pee-wee's Playhouse.
01:19:52.000 And I think he wrote the first movie.
01:19:54.000 I think he wrote Pee-wee's Big Adventure as one of the writers.
01:19:56.000 Really?
01:19:57.000 Yeah.
01:19:57.000 What a great...
01:19:58.000 That's amazing.
01:19:59.000 So you got to hang with him a lot?
01:20:00.000 You guys would hang all the time?
01:20:01.000 He took me up in his plane.
01:20:02.000 He did?
01:20:03.000 Yeah, it was crazy.
01:20:04.000 I was going to buy a house.
01:20:05.000 And he was suggesting on these different areas.
01:20:08.000 And he said, what do you like?
01:20:09.000 I said, I just like quiet.
01:20:11.000 I like peace.
01:20:12.000 I like to see things that are pretty, like nature.
01:20:14.000 And he's like, okay, because I think there's an area, like right around Thousand Oaks area.
01:20:19.000 I want you to check this out.
01:20:20.000 So he'd take me up in his plane, flying around and looking at it.
01:20:24.000 It was crazy.
01:20:25.000 Instead of driving on the 101 to go look.
01:20:27.000 He had like a small plane.
01:20:29.000 And what freedom you have when you have a plane, man.
01:20:32.000 Do you ever want to do that?
01:20:33.000 Fly yourself?
01:20:34.000 Yeah, but it's a weird way to go when you know this fucking plane's dying on you.
01:20:37.000 I've had cars die on me.
01:20:39.000 Yeah.
01:20:39.000 You know?
01:20:40.000 I know.
01:20:40.000 The mechanical end of it.
01:20:41.000 Yikes!
01:20:42.000 Are you mechanical?
01:20:43.000 Not really.
01:20:44.000 Yeah.
01:20:44.000 I mean, I know certain things, but it's like someone saying, yeah, I took karate when I was 14. Right.
01:20:50.000 You know what I mean?
01:20:51.000 Yeah.
01:20:51.000 Right.
01:20:52.000 I ran my own stereo in my Toyota Corolla.
01:20:54.000 I did that.
01:20:55.000 Right.
01:20:55.000 But I wouldn't tell you that I can install stereos.
01:20:57.000 Yeah.
01:20:57.000 Yeah.
01:20:58.000 I know a little bit about cars, but I love them.
01:21:01.000 Yeah, I did too, but that's the thing.
01:21:03.000 I feel like if you're going to have your own plane, you've got to be really knowledgeable and be on top of it.
01:21:10.000 You've got to know your limits, and that's kind of my limit.
01:21:13.000 Yeah, it was intense, man.
01:21:15.000 The landing was intense.
01:21:16.000 It was a little tiny plane, man.
01:21:18.000 It was a little two-seater plane.
01:21:19.000 So it was me and Phil, and we're coming in for this landing.
01:21:22.000 I'm like, Jesus, it's right there.
01:21:24.000 The ground's right there.
01:21:25.000 It's crazy.
01:21:26.000 It's weird.
01:21:27.000 It's a small plane.
01:21:29.000 And knowing that it's like your goofy friend from the set is taking you in.
01:21:33.000 Well, he was always like an older brother to me on the set.
01:21:37.000 Yeah, because he was older than me.
01:21:38.000 How much older was he?
01:21:41.000 At least 16 years older, maybe more, maybe 17, 18 years old or something like that.
01:21:48.000 And he was a star already, right?
01:21:49.000 Yes.
01:21:50.000 He was a star.
01:21:52.000 Yeah.
01:21:52.000 He was so great.
01:21:54.000 When we were on the set, he was in movies all the time.
01:21:56.000 He was just getting off of Saturday Night Live.
01:21:59.000 Right.
01:21:59.000 And then, of course...
01:22:02.000 Dave Foley was a big star from Kids in the Hall.
01:22:05.000 Yeah.
01:22:05.000 And he was a big alternative star, too.
01:22:07.000 Like, everybody loved him, because he was so smart, and the writing was so good.
01:22:10.000 And then Andy Dick was, like, a known weirdo.
01:22:13.000 Yeah.
01:22:13.000 And so it was a fascinating little group of humans.
01:22:16.000 It was a great crew.
01:22:16.000 Yeah.
01:22:17.000 Great crew.
01:22:17.000 I remember spending a whole summer just watching Phil's Best of SNL disc.
01:22:23.000 Ugh.
01:22:24.000 The funniest.
01:22:25.000 And stuff that wasn't even a hit.
01:22:27.000 Like him playing the acting teacher.
01:22:30.000 Oh!
01:22:31.000 I mean, I would watch it in a loop.
01:22:33.000 I could not stop watching it.
01:22:35.000 He was so...
01:22:35.000 This is something.
01:22:36.000 This is nothing.
01:22:37.000 This is something.
01:22:38.000 This is nothing.
01:22:39.000 And then he would like...
01:22:41.000 Sir, can I get out of my class?
01:22:45.000 He was on the money...
01:22:47.000 100% of the time.
01:22:49.000 Yeah, man.
01:22:50.000 He would do stand-up for the audience, for fun.
01:22:54.000 Oh, yeah.
01:22:54.000 He would warm up the crowd.
01:22:55.000 Oh, really?
01:22:56.000 You know, he was putting together almost like a little routine that he would do.
01:22:59.000 Wow.
01:22:59.000 And we talked about it.
01:23:00.000 He's like, I think I'm going to go on stage someday.
01:23:02.000 Wow.
01:23:03.000 I don't think he ever really did it, though.
01:23:05.000 But he could have easily done it.
01:23:06.000 And his wife just, God damn.
01:23:08.000 Well, hey, man, she was troubled.
01:23:10.000 She was a troubled person, and she was also on Zoloft and Cocaine.
01:23:14.000 Oh my god.
01:23:14.000 Which apparently leads to psychotic thoughts, and it's apparently a very bad combination, especially for some people.
01:23:21.000 Yeah.
01:23:22.000 People have their own particular sort of human neurochemistry they got going on up there and with some people when they do coke and Zoloft together, it just makes them insane.
01:23:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but those are the real one of the Real losses as a fan of his is that he was the kind of guy that the older he got the better he would become.
01:23:42.000 Oh, yeah He was playing guys who are older than him.
01:23:44.000 He had that very fatherly Intelligent, older kind of vibe anyway.
01:23:49.000 Yeah.
01:23:50.000 So as a 75, 80-year-old, he would still be killing it.
01:23:54.000 Yeah, I think there's a million different kinds of tragedies.
01:23:58.000 But the big one is those kids had to deal with the fact that their mom killed them and then killed herself.
01:24:03.000 How many?
01:24:04.000 Two kids.
01:24:05.000 And then they went and lived with family afterwards.
01:24:08.000 Just the whole thing is so dark.
01:24:09.000 It's so sad.
01:24:10.000 It is, man.
01:24:11.000 It is the worst.
01:24:13.000 But, I mean, it was also...
01:24:16.000 It's just more evidence of what happens when people are in those combative relationships.
01:24:21.000 I know.
01:24:22.000 They don't gel together.
01:24:23.000 Well, you know, you have somebody...
01:24:25.000 Have you ever been around, like, just a toxic person?
01:24:27.000 Oh, yeah.
01:24:27.000 And it's like, just one-on-one, you leave, and you're like, it's an energy that just drains you.
01:24:32.000 And then imagine living with that person.
01:24:35.000 Yeah.
01:24:36.000 It's too much work.
01:24:37.000 Yeah.
01:24:38.000 Too much work.
01:24:39.000 But, you know...
01:24:40.000 You ever dated somebody who was really kind of toxic?
01:24:42.000 It's kind of exciting at the same time.
01:24:45.000 Sometimes, the freaky ones are the most fun in bed.
01:24:48.000 Yeah.
01:24:48.000 The really crazy ones?
01:24:49.000 Yeah, it gets a little crazy.
01:24:51.000 Sometimes.
01:24:52.000 Sometimes.
01:24:52.000 When you're young, too, sometimes those break-up, make-up fights are awesome.
01:24:55.000 Yeah.
01:24:56.000 You know, when they come back, you didn't think they were coming back, and the next thing you know, you're making out.
01:24:59.000 Right.
01:25:00.000 Oh, this is crazy.
01:25:01.000 That's, yeah.
01:25:01.000 And you hear the cops, like, what the fuck?
01:25:03.000 Did you call the cops?
01:25:04.000 I called them before I knew we were getting back together.
01:25:07.000 Jesus.
01:25:07.000 We're okay here, sir.
01:25:08.000 We've got to escape.
01:25:09.000 No, it's fine.
01:25:09.000 We're all right now.
01:25:10.000 We've just had an argument.
01:25:11.000 Cops are lazy.
01:25:12.000 Get on the roof.
01:25:14.000 I saw a house on fire yesterday.
01:25:15.000 Really?
01:25:16.000 Yeah, like up the street from me.
01:25:17.000 A whole, like a house.
01:25:19.000 A blaze?
01:25:20.000 The roof was a blaze.
01:25:22.000 Whoa.
01:25:22.000 And it was up in the hills, so they had to...
01:25:24.000 Oh, that's bad.
01:25:25.000 Yeah, to get the fire trucks up there.
01:25:26.000 But then they stopped it.
01:25:27.000 Like, it's still standing today, but the roof is all...
01:25:29.000 But I've never seen, like, a whole house on fire.
01:25:33.000 Dude, I saw an entire...
01:25:36.000 I have to outdo you.
01:25:37.000 Hmm.
01:25:37.000 That's why we do it.
01:25:38.000 That was the big accusation of Oprah.
01:25:42.000 She used to outdo people.
01:25:44.000 But when I was working doing Fear Factor in 2003, it was 2002 or 2003 when they had that giant fire.
01:25:54.000 There was a giant fire.
01:25:56.000 It was...
01:25:57.000 Like, on the way towards Bakersfield, up the 5, and we were filming up there at Tohono Ranch.
01:26:05.000 There was a lake, and we were dropping these people off from helicopters to the lake.
01:26:09.000 And normally, without traffic, it's about an hour-twenty drive, hour-half drive to L.A. from Tohono Ranch.
01:26:17.000 But this day, it was bumper-to-bumper.
01:26:21.000 And a guy died.
01:26:23.000 A guy ran out and got hit by a car.
01:26:25.000 And I saw his sneaker and I saw him laying on the side of the road briefly as I was passing while people were trying to attend to him.
01:26:33.000 And I didn't see his head splattered or anything like that, but I saw his leg.
01:26:38.000 And then my friend Matt told me that guy wound up dying.
01:26:42.000 And so that was the beginning of this eerie drive home.
01:26:45.000 Then as we got closer to L.A., it was literally snowing ashes.
01:26:51.000 And the entire right side of the highway was ablaze.
01:26:55.000 Jeez.
01:26:56.000 I'm talking like a mile in.
01:26:58.000 Oh my god.
01:26:58.000 As far as the eye could see, it looked like the fucking Lord of the Rings.
01:27:02.000 It was like I was waiting for demon horses to come riding over the top.
01:27:06.000 Right.
01:27:07.000 It was crazy.
01:27:09.000 It was insane.
01:27:10.000 There was tornadoes of fire.
01:27:12.000 I mean, there was fucking fire everywhere.
01:27:14.000 And you're in traffic at that point?
01:27:15.000 We're in traffic.
01:27:15.000 So you're just sitting there?
01:27:16.000 Barely removed from it by a patch of asphalt.
01:27:20.000 And I'm telling you, man, I'm not bullshitting.
01:27:22.000 That side of the road was like that for an hour.
01:27:25.000 For an hour of driving.
01:27:27.000 Like the whole right side was on fire.
01:27:29.000 Yeah.
01:27:29.000 That's insane.
01:27:30.000 So when we were coming from the 101, we're coming up the 101 towards like Encino.
01:27:36.000 Yeah.
01:27:36.000 And the entire right side, like over the crest of the hill, over near the 118, you know, Simi Valley area, ablaze.
01:27:43.000 Just ablaze.
01:27:44.000 Oh my God.
01:27:45.000 It was crazy.
01:27:45.000 I got evacuated from my house.
01:27:47.000 Really?
01:27:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:27:48.000 Threw the dog in the back of the truck.
01:27:50.000 Just grabbed a laptop and some stuff.
01:27:53.000 Frank Sinatra?
01:27:53.000 No, this was Johnny Cash.
01:27:55.000 Frank Sinatra was dead at the time.
01:27:59.000 It was crazy, man.
01:28:00.000 It was crazy.
01:28:02.000 Fires are intense here.
01:28:03.000 Yeah.
01:28:03.000 People in my neighborhood, you could see them, like, stuff packed to their roof and shit, coming out in, like, rows of cars, people pulling out of garages and shit.
01:28:11.000 It was trippy, man.
01:28:12.000 That's the problem with some of those more remote areas.
01:28:16.000 It's like, you know, you're surrounded by beautiful trees, but after a couple dry summers, and then...
01:28:21.000 Some asshole with a cigarette.
01:28:22.000 Yeah, kablooey.
01:28:23.000 Yeah.
01:28:25.000 Fire is fucking terrifying, man.
01:28:27.000 Because I talked to this fireman, and this scared the shit out of me.
01:28:30.000 Because there's been a few of these big rock'em sock'em fires that have hit the LA area.
01:28:35.000 Most of it's in the summer when the winds kick up.
01:28:38.000 Yeah.
01:28:38.000 Santa Ana's.
01:28:39.000 Yeah.
01:28:40.000 And one firefighter told me, he goes, dude, It's just a matter of time before one day a fire catches and it goes through the entire city and we can't do shit about it.
01:28:49.000 What?
01:28:49.000 And I go, really?
01:28:50.000 And he goes, yup.
01:28:51.000 He goes, it's just the right conditions, the right wind, the fire coming from the right amount of angles, the wind taking the embers in the air, lighting more houses on fire.
01:29:01.000 Oh my God.
01:29:02.000 He goes, it's just a matter of time for one day, it goes right to the ocean.
01:29:04.000 I hate the, it's just a matter of time, guys.
01:29:10.000 Right?
01:29:10.000 The earthquake, just a matter of time before this whole place just falls off into the ocean.
01:29:14.000 Yeah, that's like glass half empty squared.
01:29:16.000 Yeah.
01:29:17.000 Just a matter of time before the big plague hits, takes us all out.
01:29:20.000 They do say that a lot, right?
01:29:21.000 Just a matter of time before there's no more food left.
01:29:24.000 I just got...
01:29:24.000 But where do you want to be?
01:29:25.000 Do you want to be somewhere...
01:29:27.000 You don't want to be a prepper, right?
01:29:28.000 No.
01:29:29.000 But you don't want to be the guy who dies of starvation because he can't figure out how to get by.
01:29:33.000 No, you want to be...
01:29:34.000 You want a couple...
01:29:35.000 You want to try your best.
01:29:38.000 I guess.
01:29:38.000 Do you want to be Rick from The Walking Dead, who goes through several seasons of horrific events and is basically a shattered man by the time I abandon the show?
01:29:47.000 Yeah.
01:29:47.000 Or do you want to be one of the people that gets killed early on?
01:29:50.000 So it's a wrap.
01:29:51.000 I'd probably go somewhere in between, get a little adventure, meet some new people, make some mistakes, you think you got it together, and then wacko.
01:30:00.000 But isn't The Walking Dead the ultimate existential crisis?
01:30:03.000 Because if you do die, you're going to come back as a zombie.
01:30:07.000 Yeah.
01:30:08.000 Like, the only thing that can free you is, I guess, if you shoot yourself in the head.
01:30:12.000 Like, you would have to shoot yourself in the head, because if you shoot a zombie in the head, they'd just stop being a zombie anymore.
01:30:16.000 Somehow or another, there's a button, you know?
01:30:19.000 I feel like they're getting very wishy-washy with the zombie rules lately.
01:30:23.000 I don't watch it anymore.
01:30:24.000 Yeah, me neither.
01:30:25.000 I watched, like, a little bit of it.
01:30:27.000 The zombies definitely aren't consistent in their ability to fuck things up.
01:30:30.000 Yeah.
01:30:31.000 They used to be able to tear apart horses, and now they can, like, you can just push them aside.
01:30:36.000 It's like, get out of here.
01:30:36.000 Yeah, and they're like these bony little things, and yet they're kind of strong.
01:30:39.000 I don't get it.
01:30:40.000 Yeah, and here's my question.
01:30:42.000 Why aren't they rotted all together by now?
01:30:46.000 Like, why aren't they just a bag of bones?
01:30:48.000 Like, what's going on?
01:30:49.000 I guess because they're not real?
01:30:50.000 Oh.
01:30:51.000 Did you see what happened to Big Sur?
01:30:54.000 They're Big Sur, Ventana, whatever ranch, Canyon Ranch, whatever.
01:30:59.000 They're completely isolated.
01:31:02.000 They've had giant mudslides, and that part, you can't enter or exit the town.
01:31:07.000 Oh!
01:31:07.000 Yeah.
01:31:08.000 They closed off, like, the one?
01:31:09.000 Yeah.
01:31:10.000 No.
01:31:10.000 They're completely isolated right now.
01:31:13.000 And they think they're going to be able to open up the road coming from the north by, like, September.
01:31:17.000 What?
01:31:18.000 And they don't know if the south is ever going to be repaired.
01:31:21.000 Oh, my God.
01:31:22.000 Yeah.
01:31:23.000 Go, go, go, go, go, go.
01:31:24.000 I gotta wait.
01:31:24.000 It's crazy.
01:31:25.000 Look at that.
01:31:26.000 But let me see what it looks like.
01:31:27.000 Look at that.
01:31:28.000 What's the title?
01:31:28.000 You have the title obscured.
01:31:30.000 Oh, Landslide, Buries, California, Scenic Highway, and Big Sur.
01:31:33.000 If you don't know Big Sur, this is like the most beautiful part of the ride between LA and San Francisco.
01:31:38.000 Oh my god.
01:31:39.000 Up the one.
01:31:40.000 Look at the fucking landslide!
01:31:42.000 Yeah, they think that the only way they're going to be able to do it is to just build on the landslide.
01:31:47.000 It's that much dirt.
01:31:48.000 More than a million tons of rock and dirt fell down.
01:31:51.000 Look at that!
01:31:52.000 It's insane!
01:31:53.000 The landsliding skin's a quarter of a mile!
01:31:56.000 It's just mountain now.
01:31:57.000 The road is covered in a layer of dirt 35 to 40 feet deep.
01:32:01.000 How many people are dead in there?
01:32:02.000 I don't think that many.
01:32:03.000 The highway runs through Big Sur, which is a major tourist attraction.
01:32:08.000 Authorities have closed all access to the highway and don't know when it will reopen.
01:32:12.000 How about get a fucking shovel?
01:32:13.000 All you need is a hundred Mexicans.
01:32:15.000 It'll be done by tomorrow.
01:32:17.000 Hey!
01:32:17.000 Those people work hard.
01:32:18.000 Metal detectors.
01:32:19.000 All this bullshit about the wall.
01:32:21.000 I have these Mexicans.
01:32:22.000 Let me show you, Mr. Trump, what we can do.
01:32:25.000 Metal detector.
01:32:27.000 How about that?
01:32:27.000 Oh, you go crazy.
01:32:29.000 But look at that.
01:32:30.000 Do they expect that people died there?
01:32:31.000 It's million dollar...
01:32:33.000 What is it?
01:32:35.000 The Henry Miller Museum and the Big Sur, Vantana, all these beautiful places where you would drive up and be able to stay overnight and eat on the coast.
01:32:44.000 Those places are isolated.
01:32:47.000 They weren't covered in the slide.
01:32:48.000 You just can't get to them.
01:32:49.000 Yeah, so what you got to do is you got to buy real estate there now.
01:32:52.000 Yeah.
01:32:53.000 Because a bunch of pussies would be panicking and selling cheap.
01:32:56.000 You're right.
01:32:56.000 Scoop up a nice scenic view.
01:32:59.000 Imagine if that's your house.
01:33:00.000 You're just sitting up there chilling, and all of a sudden you slide all the way down into the ocean, and that's how you die.
01:33:05.000 That's so crazy.
01:33:06.000 You just think, I finally made it.
01:33:07.000 I got this beautiful view.
01:33:08.000 Look at my deck.
01:33:09.000 Hey, Tom, come on over.
01:33:11.000 Bring bread.
01:33:12.000 Joe, you did it.
01:33:12.000 I can't believe you did it.
01:33:13.000 You did it, buddy.
01:33:14.000 We're having a jet.
01:33:15.000 It's still moving!
01:33:17.000 We haven't been able to go up there and assess.
01:33:19.000 It's still moving.
01:33:20.000 Hey Joe, is the yard supposed to be moving like that?
01:33:22.000 Look at this.
01:33:23.000 We have geologists and engineers who are going to check it out this week and see how do we pick up the pieces of the highway.
01:33:29.000 Oh my god.
01:33:30.000 Snakes around the California coastline is a major tourist destination.
01:33:34.000 Crews called the landslide one of a kind.
01:33:37.000 But it happened like a month ago, and then it's just like last Saturday, another chunk just went.
01:33:42.000 So it's like, it's still in motion.
01:33:44.000 Yeah, man, that's what keeps me, things like that are what keeps me from living on the ocean.
01:33:48.000 I know.
01:33:49.000 I rented a house in Malibu, and one time I got super baked, and I went down to the bottom floor.
01:33:55.000 I was only in this house for like three months, but it was like, the bottom floor bedroom was like the water would literally go under it.
01:34:02.000 Right.
01:34:03.000 And at nighttime, it's fucking horrifying.
01:34:06.000 It's scary.
01:34:07.000 In the daytime, it's gorgeous.
01:34:08.000 You're looking out, and you see that blue water, and it's so inviting.
01:34:11.000 But at nighttime, that water is dark, and the sky is black, and you're like, oh my god.
01:34:16.000 It shows you what it really is.
01:34:19.000 I'm in the ocean.
01:34:20.000 You're essentially at the whim of this ever-changing sea.
01:34:23.000 You are riding on a gamble.
01:34:25.000 Yeah.
01:34:25.000 And that gamble is, what are the odds that it's going to shift now?
01:34:28.000 You know it's going to shift eventually.
01:34:30.000 That's right.
01:34:30.000 This house is probably worth millions of dollars, and it's just sitting on this water.
01:34:34.000 Crazy.
01:34:35.000 You don't even have a front yard.
01:34:36.000 Your backyard is the ocean.
01:34:39.000 My cousin has a place down towards San Diego, and all these beautiful multi-million dollar homes on this cliff, and they just keep shoring up the cliff.
01:34:48.000 They just keep putting in new planks, got concrete rivet, and they're just hanging on.
01:34:54.000 It's like someone, some day, is in this house when it goes down.
01:35:00.000 People are crazy.
01:35:01.000 But man, when you're sitting there at the sunset and it's just you and the ocean, it is pretty spectacular.
01:35:06.000 It might be worth sliding in eventually.
01:35:09.000 Yeah, I think what you have to have is super baller money.
01:35:12.000 So you have that house on the coast and then you have a house somewhere else.
01:35:16.000 Or you don't have a family and you're just a dude with a surfboard.
01:35:19.000 You're like, this is the perfect spot.
01:35:21.000 If I lose everything, so what?
01:35:22.000 I'll rent a house somewhere.
01:35:24.000 Yeah, I've done it already.
01:35:25.000 Yeah, you could do that.
01:35:26.000 Yeah, that would be a good move.
01:35:27.000 But you don't want to want your kids to get sucked away by the tide.
01:35:31.000 How do you?
01:35:35.000 You're enjoying that pipe.
01:35:36.000 I do.
01:35:37.000 It's good, right?
01:35:37.000 It's a little buzz.
01:35:38.000 I wish I had a cigar, though.
01:35:39.000 I know.
01:35:40.000 You know what?
01:35:40.000 I was actually thinking about bringing cigars today, but I couldn't remember if you said we could smoke in here.
01:35:45.000 Yeah, we can.
01:35:46.000 Well, in the new studio, the new studio is like a mythical place that we keep talking about.
01:35:50.000 Once it actually exists, people go like, oh, he wasn't bullshitting.
01:35:52.000 Yeah, you have been talking about it for a while.
01:35:54.000 The new studio, we're actually having ventilation systems put in the ceiling so that it can hit a button and it'll suck the smoke out of the room.
01:36:02.000 That's great.
01:36:03.000 So if Dice Clay is here, Dice likes to smoke.
01:36:05.000 I like the smoke!
01:36:06.000 Oh!
01:36:07.000 Hey!
01:36:07.000 I just got pipe and tobacco everywhere.
01:36:10.000 But he'll smoke it.
01:36:11.000 That's why Dice doesn't smoke a pipe.
01:36:13.000 It won't make me nauseous.
01:36:14.000 That's awesome.
01:36:15.000 Yeah.
01:36:15.000 And then...
01:36:16.000 And you won't go home smelling...
01:36:17.000 People won't get secondhand weed smoke, too, so it won't put you under.
01:36:21.000 Right.
01:36:22.000 Do people complain about that?
01:36:24.000 No.
01:36:25.000 I would never smoke in front of someone that has an issue.
01:36:28.000 Right.
01:36:28.000 Like an AA issue?
01:36:30.000 I've had people that have come on that have specifically requested me not get high in front of them.
01:36:33.000 They didn't know me.
01:36:34.000 They're like, yeah, that are in the program.
01:36:36.000 They're like, please don't have them do drugs in front of me.
01:36:38.000 Yeah, that makes sense.
01:36:40.000 They get a little squirrely.
01:36:42.000 Next time I'll bring...
01:36:43.000 I have a big box of Cuban cigars.
01:36:45.000 Ooh.
01:36:46.000 They're so nice.
01:36:47.000 Ooh, strong.
01:36:49.000 They are strong.
01:36:50.000 They're big, too.
01:36:51.000 What kind?
01:36:51.000 Cohibas.
01:36:52.000 Ooh.
01:36:53.000 So nice.
01:36:54.000 The head rush after that is like...
01:36:57.000 Yeah.
01:36:57.000 You might as well go to bed.
01:36:58.000 I used to like those Hoyo de Monterey Double Coronas.
01:37:02.000 Nice.
01:37:02.000 Those big, fat post-steak cigars.
01:37:04.000 Yeah.
01:37:04.000 They have a big steak and...
01:37:06.000 Mashed potatoes with sour cream and chives.
01:37:09.000 After Musso and Franks.
01:37:12.000 You ever go to the cigar place next to the improv?
01:37:15.000 No, I have not.
01:37:16.000 I know that spot.
01:37:17.000 It's a good spot.
01:37:18.000 I've never been in there.
01:37:19.000 If you're ever doing two shows there, screwing around, it's a nice little hang.
01:37:23.000 You want to get away from the club for a minute.
01:37:25.000 Just go sitting there and the guy who runs it's great.
01:37:28.000 It's a good spot.
01:37:29.000 That's cool.
01:37:30.000 Yeah.
01:37:30.000 I really like the improv, man.
01:37:32.000 The improv is a different vibe now.
01:37:33.000 I've been going there a lot lately.
01:37:35.000 Have you?
01:37:35.000 Yeah, it's a different vibe.
01:37:36.000 It feels good.
01:37:37.000 Everything feels good now, man.
01:37:39.000 Comedy feels great.
01:37:40.000 This is a good time, man.
01:37:41.000 It really is.
01:37:41.000 Last night was beautiful.
01:37:43.000 What'd you do last night?
01:37:44.000 Well, one of the things I did that was really interesting, I did a podcast with my friend Owen Smith.
01:37:48.000 Do you know Owen?
01:37:49.000 Love Owen.
01:37:49.000 He's hilarious.
01:37:50.000 He really makes me laugh.
01:37:51.000 Funny, dude.
01:37:52.000 He's such a good guy.
01:37:54.000 Subtle, solid guy.
01:37:56.000 Good guy.
01:37:57.000 Yeah.
01:37:57.000 Anyway, Owen has a new show that he's coming out with called Something Notebooks with Owen Smith.
01:38:04.000 And what it is is you find your oldest comedy notebooks and you bring it out and go over your material.
01:38:09.000 And I found some notebooks from 1990. That's great.
01:38:13.000 I had a list, a set list from 93. A new material list from 1993, March of 93. Wow.
01:38:20.000 I was like, whoa, this is crazy.
01:38:21.000 It was terrible.
01:38:23.000 It was like needles through my soul reading off my lines.
01:38:28.000 It's so hard.
01:38:29.000 Terrible bullshit jokes that I had when I was 21. Your ideas.
01:38:34.000 This is really saying something, man.
01:38:36.000 I had orchestrated crowd work.
01:38:38.000 I had written in crowd work.
01:38:41.000 Oh, it was so terrible.
01:38:43.000 It was so bad.
01:38:44.000 I showed it to the camera.
01:38:47.000 It's okay, you're learning.
01:38:50.000 I have a tape, I have a cassette tape, a video tape, VHS tape of me doing stand-up at Stand Up New York, like in my first year.
01:38:59.000 Oh my god.
01:39:00.000 Like 93, and I am 30 pounds heavier, tight jeans, I think I'm wearing a vest, curly hair, and I would lunge when I would tell the jokes.
01:39:11.000 Like this Elvis kind of lunge.
01:39:13.000 Come on, baby.
01:39:14.000 And I was so scared to hear if they were going to laugh or not that I would just go a thousand miles an hour just yelling.
01:39:23.000 I thought it was Kinnison.
01:39:26.000 It's like Kinison without the jokes.
01:39:27.000 Scared that they're gonna catch you if you pause for a second.
01:39:31.000 Yeah, I didn't even give them a split second.
01:39:34.000 I just went.
01:39:35.000 You know that one thing that some comedians will do, especially in the early days, where they say a bunch of things in a row, and they memorize it, and the audience will clap at the end of their big memorization?
01:39:48.000 It's so true.
01:39:53.000 It's the closest you get to a guitar riff.
01:39:58.000 Exactly!
01:39:58.000 Well, that, in my opinion, is where Dice had everybody beat in the 1980s.
01:40:03.000 Because people would go to see him and they would repeat his lines.
01:40:07.000 They wanted to hear, what's in the bowl, bitch?
01:40:10.000 You'd have the whole audience do it, just like a fucking rock concert.
01:40:13.000 Crazy.
01:40:14.000 That's a one-of-a-kind experience.
01:40:17.000 Yeah, can't replicate it.
01:40:18.000 I mean, Dice had something that was different, because they were going to see stuff they already knew.
01:40:24.000 Yeah, that is so wild.
01:40:26.000 Like, he would go, Hickory Dickory Duck!
01:40:28.000 And everybody would go fucking crazy!
01:40:30.000 Jaws!
01:40:32.000 I still weird out when I hang out with Dice.
01:40:34.000 Still, to this day.
01:40:35.000 Because he was a rock star.
01:40:36.000 Well, when I'm in the room with him, I weird out.
01:40:38.000 I can't even believe that's Dice Clay.
01:40:39.000 Yeah, it's crazy.
01:40:41.000 No, he was so big.
01:40:43.000 And my girlfriend, we were 19. We're sitting in my car.
01:40:46.000 I was dating this hot Nicaraguan girl.
01:40:48.000 Nice.
01:40:49.000 She had a great sense of humor.
01:40:50.000 She's hilarious.
01:40:51.000 But we're sitting in my car, listening to this fucking Dice Clay tape.
01:40:55.000 Just howling, laughing.
01:40:57.000 It was so stupid.
01:40:58.000 Because when you're 19, that is like the perfect kind of comedy for you.
01:41:01.000 Oh, God.
01:41:03.000 Sad on a toughet.
01:41:04.000 Oh!
01:41:07.000 Little boy blue.
01:41:08.000 He needed the money!
01:41:13.000 Did you ever see him do a long set back then?
01:41:15.000 I only saw short sets.
01:41:18.000 I went to see him live.
01:41:21.000 I saw him a couple of times.
01:41:24.000 Yeah.
01:41:24.000 And then I saw him...
01:41:26.000 Would he do that the whole way?
01:41:27.000 I saw him in a store a lot in the 90s.
01:41:29.000 Right.
01:41:30.000 When he was just sort of fucking around.
01:41:32.000 But when he would come to the store, it wasn't like a set, like a concert set.
01:41:35.000 Right.
01:41:36.000 It was like he was working on new material, he was fucking around, just working out.
01:41:41.000 When he would do long sets, I mean, everyone was waiting for the nursery rhyme stuff.
01:41:44.000 Oh, yeah.
01:41:45.000 He still does nursery rhyme stuff.
01:41:47.000 I saw him, me and Jim Norton, and Anthony Cumia, and who the fuck else was it?
01:41:53.000 I think Bobby Kelly and Red Band.
01:41:55.000 Nice.
01:41:55.000 We went to see him in Vegas.
01:41:57.000 Wow.
01:41:58.000 At the Riviera.
01:41:59.000 That's great.
01:42:00.000 Which is just- Recently?
01:42:01.000 No.
01:42:02.000 Obviously, the Riviera's dead now.
01:42:03.000 Oh, yeah.
01:42:03.000 That's right.
01:42:03.000 I think it was probably five years ago.
01:42:05.000 Right.
01:42:06.000 Maybe a little more, but God damn, we had a great time.
01:42:09.000 I saw the whole set- I saw his whole set from beginning to end.
01:42:13.000 It was great.
01:42:13.000 It's great.
01:42:14.000 He was a monster.
01:42:16.000 Dude, he was a killer.
01:42:18.000 You see him in the Woody Allen movie?
01:42:19.000 I'm sure you did.
01:42:20.000 Yeah, he's really good.
01:42:20.000 He's a good actor.
01:42:21.000 Yeah, really good.
01:42:22.000 That Woody Allen movie weirds me out, though.
01:42:25.000 All his movies all weird me out now.
01:42:28.000 Because of...
01:42:28.000 Because he's so crazy.
01:42:29.000 Because of the guy?
01:42:30.000 Because of who he is?
01:42:31.000 Because of who he is, yeah.
01:42:32.000 Yeah.
01:42:32.000 I think he's still a brilliant director, a great screenwriter, but it's just like, there's certain things you expect.
01:42:41.000 You know, oh, he got hooked on pills.
01:42:43.000 That happens.
01:42:44.000 Ah, he's a boozer.
01:42:46.000 It happens.
01:42:47.000 Yeah.
01:42:47.000 Oh, it turns out he was gay.
01:42:49.000 Yeah.
01:42:49.000 It happens.
01:42:50.000 Ah, he's fucking his daughter.
01:42:53.000 Happened.
01:42:54.000 What?
01:42:55.000 Wait a minute.
01:42:56.000 How old was she when he met her?
01:42:58.000 Yeah.
01:42:59.000 She was two?
01:43:00.000 Yeah.
01:43:01.000 I don't know.
01:43:02.000 That's that great joke by Emo Phillips.
01:43:07.000 What is it?
01:43:09.000 Woody Allen adopted Suni when she was four years old.
01:43:14.000 Started dating her when she was 15. Patience of a saint.
01:43:21.000 What?
01:43:23.000 Is that what he did?
01:43:24.000 He started dating her when she was 15?
01:43:26.000 Is that real?
01:43:26.000 Something like that.
01:43:26.000 I don't know.
01:43:28.000 I don't know.
01:43:28.000 Jesus Christ.
01:43:29.000 But, you know, you find out anything about an artist, you're gonna not like them.
01:43:33.000 Right, but here's the question.
01:43:34.000 Again, is it me?
01:43:35.000 Is it me?
01:43:36.000 Is it the same thing about my friend jerking off his dog with his foot?
01:43:39.000 Is it just on me?
01:43:41.000 I mean, what if...
01:43:42.000 I mean, it sounds gross, but what if, after all those years, they really were in love with each other?
01:43:48.000 Does that make sense?
01:43:50.000 It seems like it now, right?
01:43:51.000 I mean, he's an old man and they're still in love and hanging out.
01:43:55.000 Is that unacceptable?
01:43:57.000 I don't know.
01:43:58.000 It's unacceptable if people get hurt, if no one got hurt.
01:44:01.000 I mean, you can't do it.
01:44:02.000 I mean, there's a lot of things.
01:44:04.000 Yeah, those are the pictures before and after.
01:44:05.000 Yeah, but I heard some of these are, I heard there was some weirdness in some of these.
01:44:10.000 Well, there's weirdness here.
01:44:11.000 This is a little girl and he's with her and then he wound up marrying her.
01:44:15.000 That's weird, man.
01:44:17.000 It's just weird.
01:44:18.000 Well, he didn't make her.
01:44:19.000 Well, look, he's not arrested, and he's not in jail, so it's not illegal.
01:44:23.000 Right, and wasn't there a case?
01:44:27.000 I mean, didn't they investigate and find him innocent of all this?
01:44:30.000 I don't know, man.
01:44:31.000 That's the problem with these accusations, too.
01:44:34.000 The accusations of that stuff are so huge.
01:44:38.000 Even if you're found innocent, that doesn't compare to the charge.
01:44:47.000 Was he found innocent?
01:44:48.000 Like, did they go to court?
01:44:49.000 I don't know if he was criminally tried.
01:44:52.000 I don't think he did anything criminal.
01:44:54.000 So there was no evidence to even...
01:44:56.000 I don't think so.
01:44:57.000 I think there was a time where Mia Farrow was saying that he had done something to one of their other daughters.
01:45:02.000 Right.
01:45:03.000 And then Woody was saying that that daughter was coached by Mia and that Mia's crazy.
01:45:08.000 Right.
01:45:08.000 And that she's furious that he wound up with Soon-Yi.
01:45:10.000 It's all crazy.
01:45:12.000 It's all crazy.
01:45:13.000 But I'll tell you...
01:45:15.000 I can shove it aside and watch Crimes and Misdemeanors over and over and over.
01:45:19.000 Yeah.
01:45:20.000 It's one of the greatest films of all time.
01:45:22.000 What was the one where it was the space movie?
01:45:29.000 Sleeper.
01:45:29.000 Sleeper, yeah.
01:45:30.000 That was a freaky movie.
01:45:31.000 I mean, so good.
01:45:33.000 Just what he's doing now.
01:45:34.000 I mean, he's made two movies a year for how many years?
01:45:37.000 Does he make two a year?
01:45:38.000 Yeah.
01:45:38.000 Does he?
01:45:39.000 Yeah, the spring project, the fall project.
01:45:41.000 You know what's really interesting?
01:45:42.000 Vicky Barcelona.
01:45:43.000 Midnight in Paris.
01:45:44.000 Midnight in Paris is amazing!
01:45:47.000 Well, it was really weird watching Owen Benjamin...
01:45:49.000 Not Owen Benjamin.
01:45:50.000 Owen Wilson.
01:45:51.000 Owen Wilson.
01:45:52.000 Basically doing Woody.
01:45:53.000 Play him.
01:45:53.000 Yeah.
01:45:54.000 I mean, he really was doing a version of Woody Allen.
01:45:56.000 And it totally worked.
01:45:57.000 It totally worked.
01:45:58.000 Totally worked.
01:45:59.000 I mean, Owen did a great job.
01:46:00.000 Oh, that movie was so good.
01:46:02.000 He was really, like, he was channeling, like, a Woody Allen.
01:46:05.000 Yeah.
01:46:05.000 Like, even the way he read the lines.
01:46:06.000 Yeah, that same vibe.
01:46:07.000 Yeah.
01:46:08.000 Just that it exists is amazing.
01:46:11.000 And tolerating ridiculous shit, you know?
01:46:13.000 Like, they were both tolerating ridiculous shit from each other.
01:46:16.000 Everyone's having affairs.
01:46:17.000 Yeah.
01:46:17.000 You know?
01:46:18.000 Just that Paris exists, isn't that enough?
01:46:22.000 Yeah.
01:46:22.000 Beautiful film.
01:46:23.000 I mean, he makes amazing work.
01:46:25.000 Well, he's a weirdo.
01:46:27.000 Weirdos have weird thoughts.
01:46:29.000 That's the thing.
01:46:30.000 It makes him more creative.
01:46:31.000 I mean, whatever reason.
01:46:32.000 I know.
01:46:33.000 And I just don't have the connection that, like, Ronan Farrow obviously has to it.
01:46:38.000 He can't watch those movies.
01:46:39.000 But Tom Papa sitting in his place watching the movie, I'm not connected enough for it to bump me out of watching the art.
01:46:47.000 All artists are freaky if you'd get down underneath it.
01:46:49.000 I'm sure there's a lot of people that we adore who did some pretty heinous shit.
01:46:54.000 Yeah, when someone like David Carradine dies wearing a wetsuit with a dildo up his ass hanging in a hotel, you know?
01:47:00.000 Didn't he die from like autoerotic asphyxiation?
01:47:03.000 Yeah.
01:47:03.000 The guy from NXS, same thing.
01:47:05.000 Yeah.
01:47:05.000 You know, it's like a lot of people die doing like really freaky shit.
01:47:08.000 Doing some weird stuff.
01:47:09.000 People are weird.
01:47:10.000 Jesus.
01:47:11.000 Don't dig too deep.
01:47:13.000 It's better just to know people on the surface.
01:47:15.000 Or just let it go.
01:47:16.000 Accept.
01:47:20.000 I'm almost always willing to do that.
01:47:22.000 Almost always willing to do that.
01:47:24.000 But the Woody Allen one makes it go...
01:47:25.000 The Bill Cosby one does not make me want to do that.
01:47:29.000 That one is just like, I've got to write you off.
01:47:32.000 Forever.
01:47:33.000 Forever.
01:47:33.000 Right?
01:47:34.000 Drug and rape 50 women?
01:47:36.000 Yeah, that one definitely.
01:47:37.000 That's a lifetime write-off.
01:47:40.000 If he had made Crimes and Misdemeanors, maybe I would be okay with it.
01:47:43.000 What about Fat Albert?
01:47:46.000 What about Roman Polanski?
01:47:48.000 Can you still watch Fat Albert?
01:47:50.000 Hey, hey, hey!
01:47:52.000 Is Fat Albert difficult to find?
01:47:54.000 I doubt it.
01:47:55.000 Because it seems like Fat Albert kind of reinforces certain racial stereotypes that he might probably disagree with as he became older.
01:48:01.000 I don't know.
01:48:02.000 There was a little moral stuff there and everybody getting along.
01:48:06.000 Yeah.
01:48:07.000 Do you remember that was always the rumor that he had bought out the Little Rascals and then he had kept it from being aired because it was racist?
01:48:14.000 Yeah, because of the buckwheat stuff and all that racist stuff in it.
01:48:17.000 Was that true?
01:48:18.000 I think that was Snopes and I think they found it wasn't true.
01:48:21.000 Oh really?
01:48:21.000 Yeah, that he bought the rights to it and wouldn't let it be shown.
01:48:25.000 Yeah, find out if that's true.
01:48:27.000 There was a lot of racist stuff back then.
01:48:29.000 Dude.
01:48:30.000 We were talking at the comedy store last night about how people in the old days used to smack people.
01:48:35.000 Like how often you'd see a movie where Humphrey Bogart would smack some woman in the face.
01:48:40.000 Yeah.
01:48:40.000 And then wound up making out with her.
01:48:42.000 Yeah.
01:48:42.000 That's just how it went.
01:48:44.000 They would smack each other.
01:48:45.000 Yeah.
01:48:46.000 Women would smack men.
01:48:47.000 Men would smack women.
01:48:48.000 Smack!
01:48:49.000 Smack!
01:48:49.000 I love watching It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.
01:48:53.000 What was that?
01:48:54.000 You've never seen that?
01:48:55.000 I don't think so.
01:48:55.000 Oh, come on.
01:48:57.000 It's one of the greatest comedy films of all time.
01:48:59.000 Who's in it?
01:49:01.000 Buddy Hackett, Jonathan Winters, Jack Benny, Mickey Rooney, Henny Youngman.
01:49:09.000 Really?
01:49:10.000 I mean, Milton Berle.
01:49:12.000 Wow.
01:49:12.000 I mean, it's endless.
01:49:14.000 Spencer Tracy, all put in this crazy film about trying to race across from the desert to Santa Monica.
01:49:24.000 And Phil Silvers, all these, I mean, great, it was like the comedy film of its time.
01:49:29.000 And it still holds up.
01:49:31.000 It's still great to watch.
01:49:32.000 You would love it.
01:49:32.000 You have to watch it.
01:49:34.000 The thing I love is everybody screams.
01:49:37.000 Everybody is just yelling at each other.
01:49:40.000 You moron!
01:49:41.000 You idiot!
01:49:42.000 You got me into this one!
01:49:43.000 Who the hell are you?!
01:49:45.000 It's so cathartic in a time where everyone has to be so reserved and say the right thing.
01:49:50.000 Everyone's just like, you're a moron!
01:49:53.000 Just slapping each other in the face.
01:49:55.000 It's so much fun.
01:49:56.000 People were just harsher to each other back then.
01:49:58.000 Oh, it was great.
01:50:00.000 It was a different world, right?
01:50:01.000 A totally different world.
01:50:03.000 Not that long ago, either.
01:50:04.000 Little Rascals and Bill Cosby.
01:50:06.000 Did Bill Cosby.
01:50:07.000 Status, false.
01:50:08.000 It says, origin, spanky alfalfa, buckwheat, Darla.
01:50:11.000 Just a few of the easily recognizable names were a fond part of the childhoods of generations of kids, beloved characters, blah, blah, blah.
01:50:19.000 It's just a rumor that started around 1989. So where can you get Little Rascals now?
01:50:23.000 You could probably just buy it online.
01:50:25.000 I don't know if it's officially on Hulu or anything.
01:50:27.000 I didn't look for that, but it says it's been licensed in the syndication since 1997. Bill Cosby has never owned any part of the rights to Little Rascals.
01:50:34.000 Oh, so it's bullshit.
01:50:36.000 There's another one that popped up.
01:50:37.000 It said he tried to block Amos and Andy from being on TV, too, or something.
01:50:40.000 Yeah, and CBS withdrew it from syndication.
01:50:43.000 No Amos and Andy.
01:50:44.000 Ted Turner had bought up the rights of the TV show The Dukes of Hazard to keep it off television because of his demeaning portrayal of Southerners.
01:50:51.000 The series is- well, this is old.
01:50:53.000 It says it's currently syndicated on TNN. It's not anymore.
01:50:56.000 Neither rumors, but that's not true either.
01:50:58.000 They don't air it anywhere anymore, right?
01:51:00.000 Isn't that the deal?
01:51:01.000 Like, they didn't, like, digitally remove the Confederate flag.
01:51:06.000 No.
01:51:07.000 There was a, um, something today about the Confederate flag.
01:51:12.000 Oh, man.
01:51:14.000 What was in the news today about the Confederate flag?
01:51:16.000 Well, the mayor of New Orleans has given one of the best speeches, I think, of our lifetime.
01:51:24.000 That guy did.
01:51:25.000 The mayor.
01:51:26.000 Someone else did something terrible today.
01:51:27.000 Oh, really?
01:51:28.000 Civil War Museum closes after spat with Confederate flag.
01:51:31.000 That's not it.
01:51:32.000 This speech...
01:51:33.000 There's something about someone refusing to take down the Confederate flag.
01:51:38.000 Confederate flag comes down, accusations fly.
01:51:41.000 There's something...
01:51:41.000 No, no, no.
01:51:42.000 I don't think that's it.
01:51:45.000 Eh.
01:51:46.000 You'll just be searching.
01:51:47.000 You'll be searching.
01:51:47.000 But it was another politician who was refusing to take down the Confederate flag.
01:51:52.000 And you know, Mississippi has it as a part of their state flag.
01:51:55.000 Oh really?
01:51:56.000 Yeah.
01:51:57.000 The Mississippi state flag is like a Confederate flag in the corner of it.
01:52:00.000 Right.
01:52:01.000 The mayor of New Orleans, I forget his name, gave this eloquent 20 minute speech About the removal of four statues in New Orleans, Robert E. Lee, Civil War era things.
01:52:15.000 So eloquent.
01:52:16.000 The points he makes, it's really about togetherness, moving ahead.
01:52:20.000 We have to realize that this was a part, this was a wound to our country.
01:52:27.000 And it never healed right.
01:52:28.000 And this is part of making it heal right and taking down these statues.
01:52:32.000 Try and explain to a five-year-old girl who lives in this city of what that means.
01:52:37.000 But it was put up right after the Civil War to let people know that this is the way things...
01:52:42.000 It was a white supremacist...
01:52:44.000 There's supremacist movement that put those up there.
01:52:46.000 You explain that to a five-year-old girl.
01:52:48.000 How are we going to move forward in the culture if we don't get these removed?
01:52:53.000 This isn't about hate.
01:52:54.000 This isn't about revenge.
01:52:55.000 This is about moving forward.
01:52:57.000 He, 20 minutes, in a time like we're talking about a rush of just news and constant noise and chatter and tweets, this guy takes 20 minutes.
01:53:08.000 Eloquently, calmly makes the case in a way that my paraphrasing doesn't do it any justice.
01:53:13.000 No, it's bulletproof.
01:53:14.000 It's a bulletproof case.
01:53:15.000 Bulletproof.
01:53:16.000 It's so great.
01:53:17.000 Yeah.
01:53:17.000 You know, I think the problem with the Confederate flag and even some of the figures in the Civil War, they get...
01:53:23.000 Connected in a lot of people's mind to Southern Pride.
01:53:27.000 You know, like where they're from, like Southern Pride, Leonard Skinner, you know, that kind of shit.
01:53:33.000 I mean, like, Leonard Skinner always had that fucking Confederate flag in their shirts, man.
01:53:38.000 I know.
01:53:38.000 I mean, it wasn't just...
01:53:42.000 A racist symbol of white supremacy, but it is a racist symbol of white supremacy.
01:53:46.000 It's both, unfortunately.
01:53:48.000 Yeah, you gotta, right, and you gotta kind of give that up and have pride.
01:53:52.000 You can still have pride in the South.
01:53:53.000 You can still be a kickass Southerner who loves the South for all the good reasons.
01:53:58.000 You know what they need to do?
01:53:59.000 They need to come up with a new flag.
01:54:00.000 There's nothing wrong with the South having a flag.
01:54:02.000 As long as the South recognizes it's part of America, that's just something that replaces the Confederate flag but includes everybody.
01:54:09.000 Something that's not connected to a movement to try to keep slavery.
01:54:13.000 There was one comment he made too.
01:54:14.000 This was a flawed movement.
01:54:16.000 This wasn't fighting for America.
01:54:18.000 This was fighting to tear apart America.
01:54:21.000 And we need new symbols.
01:54:22.000 A perfect example is the flag of Texas with the star.
01:54:26.000 Yeah, badass.
01:54:27.000 That's like Texas might as well be its own country, right?
01:54:32.000 And that flag, that means something.
01:54:35.000 It's not about right supremacy.
01:54:37.000 It's about Texas is a badass place.
01:54:40.000 That's a badass flag.
01:54:42.000 You have to have a mentality to live here, and it's inclusive mentality.
01:54:45.000 If you're a Texan, you're a Texan.
01:54:47.000 It doesn't matter if you're black or white.
01:54:49.000 Yeah.
01:54:49.000 Yeah.
01:54:50.000 I know, they really...
01:54:51.000 You gotta let that go.
01:54:52.000 Man, the coming...
01:54:52.000 And you know what made me think that the...
01:54:55.000 I was always kind of back and forth on the Redskins and the Indians.
01:54:59.000 And, uh, no.
01:55:01.000 Pride is the thing.
01:55:02.000 It's just like, what, because you and your grandfather used to tailgate?
01:55:05.000 I've been supporting the Warriors for 72 years!
01:55:10.000 Yeah.
01:55:10.000 I was hearing through their first football.
01:55:12.000 We used to go watch those games together.
01:55:14.000 Me and my grandfather.
01:55:15.000 Redskins pride.
01:55:17.000 You're telling me we can't be the Redskins anymore if we have a few liberal pussies?
01:55:20.000 My friend made a great point.
01:55:22.000 He said...
01:55:23.000 It's a business, man.
01:55:25.000 You would just say, if you own the Redskins, alright, we're changing it.
01:55:28.000 All that old merch, people are going to be paying through the ass to get.
01:55:32.000 Then you have this new logo.
01:55:33.000 Everyone's going to be buying the new stuff.
01:55:35.000 It's going to be a windfall just from the merch.
01:55:38.000 If you're not thinking about the social issues, think of it as just a dollar issue and go for it.
01:55:45.000 People don't want to give up ground.
01:55:46.000 It doesn't make sense.
01:55:47.000 Because they're worried that crazy liberals are going to come in and nerf everything.
01:55:51.000 It's not liberal, it's just being nice, right?
01:55:53.000 Oh, I know in this case it is, but it's one of the things that people worry about.
01:55:57.000 Yeah.
01:55:57.000 They worry about giving up ground.
01:55:59.000 Because people are so ridiculous today.
01:56:00.000 They give up a little ground, they'll go fucking crazy.
01:56:03.000 No more Taco Tuesdays, cultural appropriation, and you can't serve sushi if you're white.
01:56:09.000 Yeah, I know.
01:56:11.000 People just start getting really wacky when it comes to giving up ground.
01:56:14.000 Doesn't it feel like it's running out of steam a little bit?
01:56:16.000 It feels like it's becoming more and more preposterous.
01:56:18.000 Like, being a social justice warrior is a really ridiculous thing at this point.
01:56:21.000 It really feels like it's become so absurd.
01:56:24.000 Yeah.
01:56:25.000 I mean, it's not...
01:56:25.000 And from that, I think there's a correction that's been made.
01:56:28.000 I think there are people, like, taking more things into consideration about other people.
01:56:32.000 And, oh, we didn't really think about...
01:56:33.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.
01:56:34.000 ...those families or that group or whatever.
01:56:37.000 But...
01:56:37.000 Yeah.
01:56:37.000 Good has been done.
01:56:38.000 Yeah, good's been done.
01:56:39.000 Maybe that's how it always is.
01:56:40.000 The tide goes out, the tide goes in.
01:56:41.000 You can't explain it.
01:56:42.000 Yeah.
01:56:43.000 No, right.
01:56:43.000 Remember that?
01:56:44.000 Bill O'Reilly?
01:56:44.000 Yep.
01:56:46.000 No.
01:56:46.000 You don't remember that?
01:56:47.000 No, no.
01:56:47.000 That was one of the worst arguments he ever had on his show.
01:56:49.000 He was talking about how he's putting his chips on Jesus because you can't explain why the tie goes in, the tie goes out.
01:56:55.000 He was talking to some guy who's an atheist.
01:56:56.000 Who was he talking to?
01:56:57.000 Dawkins?
01:56:58.000 No.
01:56:59.000 It wasn't Dawkins.
01:57:00.000 David Silverman.
01:57:01.000 Okay.
01:57:01.000 He was so dumb.
01:57:03.000 It's such a dumb argument.
01:57:04.000 You can't explain it, but you can't explain it?
01:57:06.000 Of course you can.
01:57:07.000 I hear you hear it.
01:57:09.000 It's so stupid.
01:57:09.000 Do you think that's a scam?
01:57:10.000 No, I don't.
01:57:11.000 I'll tell you why.
01:57:13.000 I'll tell you why it's not a scam, in my opinion.
01:57:17.000 Tide goes in, tide goes out.
01:57:18.000 Never a miscommunication.
01:57:19.000 You can't explain that.
01:57:21.000 You can explain why the tide goes in.
01:57:23.000 Tide goes in, tide goes out.
01:57:25.000 See, the water, the tide comes in and it goes out, Mr. Silverman.
01:57:28.000 Maybe it's four on top of Mount Olympus who's making the tides go in and out.
01:57:34.000 That's great.
01:57:35.000 Fucking idiot.
01:57:36.000 The look in his eye is like, yeah, I can explain that.
01:57:38.000 Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about?
01:57:39.000 That's terrible.
01:57:40.000 There's a moon.
01:57:41.000 There's gravity.
01:57:42.000 Right.
01:57:43.000 Causes the wave.
01:57:44.000 Come on, man.
01:57:45.000 It's terrible.
01:57:46.000 You can time the tide, you fuck.
01:57:47.000 Yeah.
01:57:48.000 They know exactly when it's coming.
01:57:49.000 It's such a bummer.
01:57:50.000 Being smart sometimes is a bummer.
01:57:52.000 It takes away all your- He's not dumb.
01:57:54.000 I think he's deceptive.
01:57:55.000 I think Bill O'Reilly's just crazy.
01:57:57.000 Yeah.
01:57:57.000 You know?
01:57:57.000 It's amazing that he got kicked out of Fox.
01:57:59.000 It's amazing.
01:58:00.000 They're kicking everybody out.
01:58:01.000 Hannity seems to be holding on.
01:58:03.000 Maybe he's like one of the only ones that didn't participate in the orgies.
01:58:07.000 Yeah, they don't have enough dirt on him.
01:58:09.000 Sounds like a crazy fuck party over there.
01:58:11.000 All they're doing is like trying to get laid.
01:58:13.000 Bill O'Reilly's beating off on the phone.
01:58:15.000 I read some article about him.
01:58:16.000 He'd call women up and he'd be beating off and he's talking to them like, whoa.
01:58:19.000 Remember when the transcript came out?
01:58:20.000 He was like, I want to be the loofah on your body.
01:58:22.000 Yeah, you're so fucked up.
01:58:24.000 Jesus.
01:58:25.000 In the workplace.
01:58:26.000 Jesus, boy.
01:58:27.000 So disgusting.
01:58:29.000 But odd, right?
01:58:31.000 Yeah.
01:58:32.000 You know?
01:58:33.000 I know.
01:58:34.000 That whole place was running...
01:58:35.000 It was like the Cosby thing.
01:58:37.000 It's like once the one came out, it was just rapid fire.
01:58:40.000 Yep.
01:58:41.000 Well, when you have a guy who's got that kind of power and is that, you know, it's just so weird.
01:58:50.000 Yeah, they get bored.
01:58:53.000 Again, the weird sexuality thing, right?
01:58:55.000 It's like, it manifests itself in this guy in this way.
01:58:59.000 And it's abusing these women.
01:59:01.000 Those fucking shows, too.
01:59:03.000 Like, all these shows, like, when we really think back, like, we look back at 2017 from the future, and we look at the state of the media today, and how, like, one side, whether it's Fox News or whether it's CNN, We'll be so heavily leaned in one direction or the other,
01:59:21.000 so obviously editorializing what's going on in the news and their opinions of the news.
01:59:25.000 Well, it's all just entertainment at this point.
01:59:27.000 It's so gross.
01:59:28.000 I mean, you know, when that horrible thing happened in Manchester at the concert, it's like, okay, that act is heinous, and what happened that night to those people is heinous, but then who does all of the other work of scaring the daylights out of the rest of the world?
01:59:44.000 CNN. Running it nonstop for 48 hours.
01:59:48.000 This grainy footage of young girls screaming and crying.
01:59:52.000 So much more powerful than what that schmuck did blowing up those people in that place.
01:59:58.000 They're just as negative a force.
02:00:04.000 For the public than the terrorists.
02:00:06.000 But they don't care.
02:00:07.000 They're just trying to get attention.
02:00:09.000 If it bleeds, it leads.
02:00:10.000 That's right.
02:00:11.000 This is a big story.
02:00:12.000 Horrible.
02:00:12.000 But what is their responsibility?
02:00:15.000 Isn't their responsibility to report on the news?
02:00:16.000 Because that's a news story.
02:00:17.000 That's a giant, crazy, tragic event.
02:00:20.000 Sure.
02:00:21.000 And they would be remiss if they didn't report on it.
02:00:23.000 You can report on it, but you don't have to have me walking with my daughter through an airport and having it blaring out of every television set, the girls screaming.
02:00:33.000 You could have grown-ups sitting there and analyzing it without sensationalizing it, but it's entertainment.
02:00:38.000 It's this big balls-out entertainment network.
02:00:42.000 It's heinous.
02:00:44.000 I think that's a real good argument, that when people are watching it involuntarily, like at the airports- Can't escape it!
02:00:49.000 Yeah.
02:00:49.000 I cannot escape it!
02:00:51.000 I was trying, I was working on this book, I was at the end of this book, I had a deadline, I'm just head down, not trying to follow anything, but I was traveling at the same time, wolf blitzers popping out in bars, in restaurants, at the gate, Wetzel's pretzels,
02:01:08.000 more breaking news, Trump did this now!
02:01:12.000 That, you can't escape it.
02:01:14.000 So much pressure.
02:01:15.000 There's no responsibility about these, like, you know, be an old man, be an old, what happened to like the news reporters being like a shitty guy?
02:01:26.000 They just deliver the news as the grandfather.
02:01:30.000 They're running ads now on CNN of them like Wolf Blitzer and another couple of them walking through the hall.
02:01:36.000 It's like those ESPN ads, remember?
02:01:38.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:01:38.000 And ESPN would be walking through the offices of ESPN making jokes with a mascot.
02:01:44.000 That's what Wolf Blitzer and Kamau Bell and all these people are doing on CNN. What are they doing?
02:01:51.000 They're walking?
02:01:51.000 They're walking through and they're like, hey, look, there's Anderson Cooper.
02:01:54.000 What's he doing in the office?
02:01:56.000 And it's a comedy bit.
02:01:57.000 Yes!
02:01:58.000 These are the people that are supposed to be delivering the hard news to help you rationalize and make sense of the world.
02:02:03.000 Hey, look at him.
02:02:04.000 He's in there.
02:02:05.000 What's Anderson doing in there?
02:02:07.000 And a punchline.
02:02:09.000 Well, you know what really disturbs me when they do that podcast thing where Anderson Cooper does that 360 where he's sitting at the desk and he'll have four people to his right, four people to his left.
02:02:18.000 Twenty people!
02:02:18.000 There's nine people the last time I saw it.
02:02:21.000 Nine people.
02:02:21.000 Yeah, yelling at each other.
02:02:22.000 Him and eight people and everyone's talking over each other.
02:02:24.000 Right.
02:02:25.000 And some people never get a word in edgewise and people are just jumping in and just...
02:02:29.000 It's the worst.
02:02:30.000 It's all entertainment.
02:02:32.000 Yeah, but it's all so editorialized, too.
02:02:35.000 It's like, how can a person just relay to you the information as unbiased as they possibly can?
02:02:41.000 I know.
02:02:41.000 Is that possible today?
02:02:43.000 Is anybody doing it?
02:02:45.000 PBS is as close as I can find it.
02:02:48.000 Yes, it's kind of just factual.
02:02:50.000 They just put it out.
02:02:50.000 Whenever they have Shields and Brooks on, it's a...
02:02:54.000 It's not Brooks and Dunn?
02:02:55.000 No, not Shields and Urnell.
02:02:57.000 Shields and Brooks.
02:02:57.000 And they're just two guys who would never be on any other network because they're funny looking.
02:03:03.000 And they have the conservative view and the liberal view.
02:03:06.000 But it's very matter-of-fact and factual and not sensational, not shitty to each other.
02:03:12.000 That's his...
02:03:14.000 Evenly balanced, calm as I can find is PBS NewsHour.
02:03:18.000 Who was Sean Hannity arguing with when he was telling Sean Hannity that he's bad for America?
02:03:25.000 Was it Ted Koppel?
02:03:26.000 Ted Koppel.
02:03:27.000 It was Ted Koppel.
02:03:28.000 Yeah.
02:03:28.000 Told him he was bad for America.
02:03:30.000 And, you know, and Sean Hannity was saying something along the lines of, don't you think America's smart enough to make up their own mind, which is just so ridiculous.
02:03:37.000 Well, so candy ass of him is that he backs out of it and says, well, I'm not a journalist.
02:03:41.000 I'm a talk show host.
02:03:43.000 Let me hear this.
02:03:45.000 You think we're bad for America?
02:03:46.000 You think I'm bad for America?
02:03:48.000 Yeah.
02:03:48.000 You do.
02:03:49.000 In the long haul, I think you and all these opinion shows...
02:03:54.000 Really?
02:03:54.000 That's sad, Ted.
02:03:54.000 No, you know why?
02:03:55.000 That's sad.
02:03:56.000 Because you're very good at what you do and because you have attracted a significantly more influential...
02:04:05.000 You are selling the American people short.
02:04:07.000 Let me finish the sentence before you do that.
02:04:10.000 With all due respect.
02:04:11.000 Yes.
02:04:11.000 You have attracted...
02:04:15.000 People who are determined that ideology is more important than facts.
02:04:22.000 Oof.
02:04:24.000 That's what you need.
02:04:25.000 Those old dudes should be running the whole show.
02:04:27.000 Ooh, he tells Bill O'Reilly he ruined journalism too?
02:04:29.000 Ted Koppel's on a goddamn rampage.
02:04:31.000 And he's so measured.
02:04:32.000 Put away the loofah sponge, bitch.
02:04:33.000 I got something to say.
02:04:35.000 I've interviewed him a number of times.
02:04:37.000 Not an easy interview.
02:04:39.000 How would you do it?
02:04:41.000 You know, Bill, you and I have talked about this general subject many times over the years.
02:04:46.000 It's irrelevant how I would do it.
02:04:48.000 And you know who made it irrelevant?
02:04:51.000 You did.
02:04:52.000 You have changed the television landscape over the past 20 years.
02:04:56.000 You took it from being objective and dull to being subjective and entertaining.
02:05:01.000 And in this current climate, it doesn't matter what the interviewer asks him.
02:05:05.000 Mr. Trump is going to say whatever he wants to say, as outrageous as it may be.
02:05:11.000 Okay, but you know, your old network ABC does interview Mr. Trump on a regular basis, and our job, whether I'm a commentator or a reporter, is to get as much information, number one, and two, show the viewer who the person really is.
02:05:27.000 So again, I'll go back to, he's sitting on Nightline, you're opposed, right opposite him, how do you do it?
02:05:34.000 Well, the first way you do it is not in the interview.
02:05:37.000 You do it by some reporting.
02:05:39.000 It's an old-fashioned concept that I think demonstrating who and what Mr. Trump is and what his various policies really amount to is something you don't do in an interview.
02:05:50.000 He doesn't answer the questions.
02:05:52.000 As you pointed out, it's a whole different ballgame on cable TV. Commentators like me have just ruined the country.
02:05:58.000 I've copped to that.
02:05:59.000 It's true.
02:05:59.000 You have.
02:06:00.000 Right.
02:06:00.000 I've ruined everything.
02:06:03.000 It's true.
02:06:04.000 It's entertainment.
02:06:04.000 Like, just give us the news.
02:06:06.000 But, you know, there's so much money in it.
02:06:08.000 But, I mean, why do they have to?
02:06:10.000 Here's the question.
02:06:11.000 Why can't they just put on an entertaining show that makes money?
02:06:14.000 Like, whose responsibility is it to relay the news to the people?
02:06:17.000 Is it Fox News' responsibility?
02:06:19.000 I mean, don't they have some sort of an out that they're an entertainment program?
02:06:25.000 Yeah, but they're not.
02:06:26.000 But are they?
02:06:27.000 What are they?
02:06:28.000 They're a news channel.
02:06:29.000 It's Fox News.
02:06:30.000 It's called Fox News.
02:06:32.000 I understand.
02:06:32.000 But let's say you decide to call a show the Tom Papa News, and you start talking about the news.
02:06:38.000 Do you have a very specific need to...
02:06:43.000 We know you as an entertainer, and Bill O'Reilly was always an entertainer.
02:06:46.000 He was an entertainment news reporter on Hard Copy before he was ever on this.
02:06:51.000 So we know he's that guy.
02:06:55.000 Who has a responsibility to tell the news in an objective sense?
02:06:59.000 If you can editorialize, you can write things out, and you can decide which stories should get the most coverage.
02:07:05.000 During the campaign, CNN was all about the sexual harassment cases against Trump, and then Fox News was all about Hillary and her email scandal.
02:07:13.000 They just decided, who's to say what you can and can't do when it comes to that?
02:07:19.000 We don't really have a hard, fast rule when it comes to television journalism.
02:07:24.000 I mean, we think New York Times, we think, you know, in certain newspapers that have a great, you know, we have respect for them.
02:07:32.000 Right.
02:07:32.000 They have a certain amount of...
02:07:34.000 Fact-checking.
02:07:35.000 Yeah, and reliability, or responsibility, rather.
02:07:37.000 You can reliably assess that this is going to be the news.
02:07:40.000 Right.
02:07:41.000 To a certain extent.
02:07:42.000 Yeah.
02:07:43.000 I think it's, you know, once you start a 24-hour news conference, Station.
02:07:50.000 It's a beast that's got to be fed.
02:07:52.000 And how do you keep those people attracted?
02:07:54.000 But is it even really a 24-hour news station?
02:07:56.000 I mean, think about what CNN is.
02:07:57.000 They have W. Kamau Bell's show.
02:07:59.000 Right.
02:07:59.000 They have Anthony Bourdain's show.
02:08:01.000 They used to have that Tim Ferriss show.
02:08:03.000 They've got a bunch of shows.
02:08:04.000 They have the Morgan Sparlock show.
02:08:05.000 Right.
02:08:06.000 Nothing to do with news.
02:08:07.000 Yeah.
02:08:08.000 Yeah.
02:08:09.000 I mean, other than, you know, you haven't seen the show before.
02:08:12.000 Hey, this is new.
02:08:13.000 Look, they might be talking about some information you might not have ever heard before.
02:08:16.000 But it's not like a breaking news show.
02:08:19.000 Yeah, but I think that...
02:08:21.000 I mean, what does CNN stand for?
02:08:23.000 Cable News Network.
02:08:24.000 Yeah, and Fox News.
02:08:25.000 I think once you know that people are looking to you as the news, there should be some responsibility.
02:08:32.000 I think that there's somebody...
02:08:34.000 Some grown-up has to be...
02:08:36.000 I think?
02:08:54.000 Maybe it's going to be like when WWF, how to change their name to WWE. Yeah.
02:09:00.000 So there'll be C-N-E. Yeah.
02:09:04.000 Yeah.
02:09:04.000 I mean, look, if you put an old man news station on, right?
02:09:08.000 And we'd be like, okay, finally, this is like measured and good and all sides.
02:09:13.000 And this is America first before party.
02:09:16.000 Probably deep dog shit ratings.
02:09:18.000 You know what I mean?
02:09:19.000 This doesn't have all the other people going crazy on it.
02:09:22.000 Yeah.
02:09:23.000 You know, it's just, you just hope that they'll kind of muddle through it and end up, they just want grown-ups in charge.
02:09:31.000 Yeah.
02:09:33.000 What's the dude, the CNN, the dude, the GQ guy that's in his basement again?
02:09:37.000 It's the resistance, Keith Olbermann.
02:09:40.000 Somebody's got to put that dude on TV again.
02:09:44.000 Yeah.
02:09:44.000 Comedy Central.
02:09:45.000 Just let him write his own shit.
02:09:47.000 I saw like a clip of him.
02:09:49.000 It really looks like he's...
02:09:51.000 He's on a cable news network somewhere.
02:09:53.000 He doesn't have a makeup person anymore.
02:09:55.000 He's just at a fake desk.
02:09:57.000 It's just him and these incredibly verbose speeches.
02:10:00.000 I know.
02:10:01.000 Insulting Trump over and over again.
02:10:03.000 Yeah.
02:10:03.000 Saying it's a coup and we've sold out to the Russians and this is an invasion.
02:10:07.000 Make no mistake about it.
02:10:08.000 We are the resistance.
02:10:09.000 Oh, God.
02:10:10.000 He's super intense.
02:10:11.000 Yeah, I know.
02:10:12.000 But it's got that weird cable access feel to it.
02:10:14.000 It really does.
02:10:15.000 He used to be like with all these people around, now he's down to printing his own pages.
02:10:21.000 Collating his own scripts.
02:10:23.000 Yeah.
02:10:25.000 Somebody tweeted about it the other day.
02:10:27.000 Yeah.
02:10:28.000 About what a fucking nut he is.
02:10:29.000 Oh, really?
02:10:30.000 And I didn't, you know, I hadn't been paying attention lately.
02:10:33.000 He's hard to find.
02:10:34.000 Well, he's not.
02:10:35.000 I mean, he's out there on that GQ page.
02:10:37.000 Yeah.
02:10:38.000 I don't know what they're doing.
02:10:39.000 You heard a text coming in?
02:10:40.000 Yeah, my dog is in the emergency room.
02:10:43.000 What did they say?
02:10:44.000 Is it a snake bite?
02:10:45.000 Bella can come home between 4.30 and 6. Oh, that's good.
02:10:50.000 She knows that we're on the air, so she doesn't want to disturb, but I want to find out what it was.
02:10:54.000 Yeah.
02:10:55.000 I hope it wasn't a snake bite.
02:10:57.000 Snake venom is expensive.
02:10:58.000 It's the snake antidote.
02:10:59.000 Very expensive.
02:11:00.000 So if you're on the trail, like I was, and the snake bit you in the leg.
02:11:05.000 Ooh, I don't know.
02:11:06.000 Big bite in your thigh.
02:11:07.000 We should find that out.
02:11:07.000 What do you do?
02:11:08.000 That's a good question.
02:11:08.000 Because that could happen to us.
02:11:10.000 That's one of the things we really should know.
02:11:12.000 Dude, I ran over a snake once.
02:11:13.000 I was running with my dogs.
02:11:15.000 You like killing snakes.
02:11:17.000 No, this one I didn't run over like Hit.
02:11:18.000 This one I just saw in the road.
02:11:20.000 I was running and I jumped over this stick and as I was jumping over the stick I realized it was a rattlesnake.
02:11:28.000 Really?
02:11:28.000 A big one.
02:11:29.000 Stretched out.
02:11:30.000 Flattened out on the road.
02:11:32.000 On the trail.
02:11:32.000 Just completely flattened out.
02:11:34.000 And it was, you know, the length of my arms.
02:11:36.000 Yeah.
02:11:37.000 It was a big ass fucking snake.
02:11:38.000 It was a thick snake.
02:11:39.000 Thick, like my wrist, around.
02:11:40.000 It was a fucking thick old snake.
02:11:42.000 So that's a lot of venom that would come out of that head.
02:11:44.000 I guess.
02:11:45.000 I've heard a...
02:11:46.000 I don't know if it's a myth or not, but I heard that the young ones are actually more dangerous because they unload all their venom, whereas the older ones just give you a little zap.
02:11:53.000 The old ones like, dude, relax.
02:11:56.000 Well, they're more...
02:11:56.000 They're smart.
02:11:57.000 Keep the snake bite victim calm, keeping them still and quiet.
02:12:01.000 Restrict movement and keep the affected area at or below heart level to reduce the flow of venom.
02:12:07.000 Remove any rings or constricting items and clothing as the affected area may swell.
02:12:12.000 Allow the bite to bleed freely for 15 to 30 seconds before cleansing.
02:12:15.000 Create a loose splint to help restrict the movement of the area.
02:12:18.000 Contact medical help as soon as possible.
02:12:20.000 See below.
02:12:21.000 Evacuate the victim immediately by hiking to a car, a helicopter, or medical staff.
02:12:26.000 Monitor the person's vital signs, temperature, pulse, rate of breathing, and blood pressure if possible.
02:12:31.000 What does it say you do?
02:12:32.000 So number six, evacuate the victim immediately by hiking to a car.
02:12:37.000 So does that mean that the person who's been bit can hike?
02:12:41.000 Hold on a second.
02:12:41.000 Do not waste time hunting for the snake, and do not risk another bite if it's not easy to kill the snake.
02:12:47.000 Wow, they're trying to tell you to kill it.
02:12:49.000 After it has been killed, a snake can still bite for up to an hour, so be careful by transporting it.
02:12:54.000 Holy shit.
02:12:57.000 That's scary.
02:12:59.000 They're kind of like saying, look, I know you're going to kill this fucking snake.
02:13:02.000 I looked it up for a hiking, because if you don't do it when you're in a house, it's giving you other information, so it's specific for a hike.
02:13:08.000 So it still doesn't say if you should move or not.
02:13:10.000 It definitely says you're supposed to stay still, but if you have to walk a mile to your house uphill...
02:13:16.000 Yeah, you gotta go.
02:13:18.000 I guess the splint is a loose splint to help restrict...
02:13:21.000 Google, what do you do if you get bit by a snake and you're hiking alone?
02:13:25.000 It's a lot of words.
02:13:27.000 Yeah.
02:13:27.000 Yeah.
02:13:28.000 My dog is, we have no information.
02:13:30.000 The doctor will tell us when we get there.
02:13:32.000 Interesting.
02:13:33.000 It needs no basis.
02:13:34.000 What is that?
02:13:35.000 You have to show your papers first.
02:13:37.000 Vets are the worst.
02:13:39.000 My last cat that died, it was like, we don't know, we're going to have to run a test.
02:13:43.000 Okay, fine, run the test.
02:13:44.000 It's going to be $1,500.
02:13:45.000 Okay, run it.
02:13:47.000 $1,500.
02:13:48.000 Okay, that didn't come, it's inconclusive.
02:13:50.000 We're going to have to run another test.
02:13:52.000 Well, why?
02:13:54.000 If you want to try and save it, we're going to be up to three grand.
02:13:58.000 Alright, we're on the test.
02:14:00.000 Alright, now we're three grand in the hole.
02:14:02.000 We didn't find out.
02:14:04.000 There's no way to cure it.
02:14:05.000 They put the cat down.
02:14:07.000 And then they say, do you want us to do an autopsy?
02:14:11.000 Oh, for sure.
02:14:12.000 Why?
02:14:13.000 Can you do one on the moon?
02:14:14.000 For another two?
02:14:15.000 Great!
02:14:18.000 It says, my snake questions on Reddit.
02:14:21.000 Okay, no first aid is much better than performing bad first aid.
02:14:27.000 Don't cut at or around the side of the bite.
02:14:30.000 Don't compress the bitten limb with a cord or a tight bandage.
02:14:33.000 Don't attempt to extract or neutralize venom using electricity.
02:14:37.000 Fire permagrant?
02:14:40.000 Pomegranate?
02:14:40.000 Pomegranate?
02:14:41.000 No, it says perm-a-granate.
02:14:42.000 Perm-a-granate.
02:14:43.000 Perm-a-granate?
02:14:44.000 What is that?
02:14:46.000 Salt, black stones, mouths, mud, leaves, etc.
02:14:51.000 All snake bite kits are dangerous and should not be used.
02:14:54.000 Wow.
02:14:55.000 This was also confirmed by the snake bite poison line.
02:14:59.000 A lot of snake bite patients injure themselves by panicking directly after a snake bite, by tripping over a rock or a tree trunk, or by falling off the cliff side of the trail.
02:15:08.000 Staying calm is important.
02:15:10.000 After a snake bite, walk about 20 to 30 feet away from the snake.
02:15:14.000 Find a safe place to sit down ASAP. The venom can rapidly diffuse into your system.
02:15:20.000 This can drop your blood pressure too low to pump all the way to your head while standing.
02:15:25.000 Whoa.
02:15:26.000 Sitting down reduces your chances of fainting within the first few minutes.
02:15:29.000 If you faint, it shouldn't be for more than a few minutes.
02:15:33.000 Remove any rings, watches, or tight clothing.
02:15:36.000 I hate rings.
02:15:37.000 You're going to swell up.
02:15:38.000 Yeah.
02:15:38.000 Anything else from the bitten limb because the swelling will make it a lot bigger soon.
02:15:42.000 Take five minutes to calm down and plan your evacuation.
02:15:45.000 The only effective treatment for a snake bite e-venomation is the right anti-venom to neutralize it.
02:15:52.000 Do not wait for symptoms to appear.
02:15:54.000 If bitten, it's important to get in touch with emergency personnel as soon as possible to get you to a hospital.
02:15:59.000 If you have a cell phone and service, great.
02:16:02.000 Call 911 or the park ranger.
02:16:04.000 If there's no service, think about the last time you had phone service.
02:16:07.000 Cell phones, man.
02:16:08.000 We didn't have a cell phone.
02:16:09.000 That was the other thing.
02:16:10.000 I was like, no, we're going to disconnect.
02:16:13.000 Look at this.
02:16:13.000 You're supposed to circle the location of the snake bite and write down the time next to it.
02:16:17.000 So when they find you dead?
02:16:19.000 Yeah.
02:16:19.000 Draw a circle around the border of the swelling and write down the time.
02:16:23.000 Write down all the things you're experiencing that are not normal.
02:16:26.000 So now we have pens on us?
02:16:27.000 Yeah, we have markers.
02:16:29.000 Yeah.
02:16:30.000 Examples are metallic taste in your mouth, changes to your sense of smell, sudden loss of vision, double vision, visual disturbances, ringing in the ears, headache, nausea, and vomiting, bleeding from anywhere, dizziness, shortness of breath, etc.
02:16:45.000 Yeah, we know it's bad.
02:16:46.000 That's not good.
02:16:47.000 Oh, down there, make contact via cell phone.
02:16:49.000 If this is not possible, walk slowly to get help.
02:16:52.000 That's the key.
02:16:53.000 Drink some water and take some calories if you have any.
02:16:56.000 Some snakebite victims walk several miles after serious snakebites to their legs.
02:17:01.000 Okay.
02:17:01.000 Okay, they make it out fine.
02:17:02.000 So I should have hiked out.
02:17:03.000 They make it out to medical care.
02:17:04.000 Yeah, you hike out.
02:17:05.000 So hike out.
02:17:06.000 Don't be a pussy.
02:17:07.000 Man the fuck up.
02:17:08.000 You kill that cunt of a snake, that evil serpent.
02:17:11.000 Look at that serpent.
02:17:12.000 How did you kill it?
02:17:13.000 You just stomped on it?
02:17:15.000 Stomped on his head.
02:17:16.000 His head?
02:17:17.000 Yeah.
02:17:17.000 That's where the bitey part comes from.
02:17:19.000 If you're faster than the bitey part, stomp him.
02:17:24.000 I got a good sidekick.
02:17:26.000 You were not wearing flip-flops.
02:17:28.000 No.
02:17:29.000 No, I think I was wearing trail sneakers.
02:17:32.000 Alright.
02:17:32.000 It's got a little something to him.
02:17:34.000 A little grip.
02:17:35.000 It was a dumb move.
02:17:36.000 You shouldn't do it.
02:17:37.000 I wouldn't recommend it.
02:17:37.000 I would probably never do it again, but in the moment it was the thing to do.
02:17:40.000 I like that you just thought, I have a shot here.
02:17:42.000 I'm going to take it.
02:17:43.000 It was predatory instincts.
02:17:45.000 I was like, this motherfucker's sleeping on me.
02:17:48.000 He does not think I'm going to stomp him.
02:17:50.000 I have to stomp them.
02:17:51.000 This is good Memorial Weekend stuff to wear.
02:17:53.000 Things to bring in your trail.
02:17:55.000 A phone and a Sharpie.
02:17:56.000 Well, I always have that with me in case people want autographs.
02:17:59.000 It's a good move.
02:18:01.000 I'm thinking about getting some snake boots.
02:18:03.000 Jamie, pull up snake boots, because I'm looking at some snake boots.
02:18:06.000 If they're thigh-high, I'm walking out.
02:18:08.000 I will stomp the fuck out of every snake I see if I get some thigh-high Wonder Woman style.
02:18:15.000 Hey, Tom, you want to come stomping this weekend?
02:18:17.000 We're going snake-stopping.
02:18:19.000 Snake boots.
02:18:20.000 Wow.
02:18:20.000 What if it gets you right above that and you feel like such a fucking idiot because you're walking around?
02:18:25.000 Yeah, these go about like up to your knee.
02:18:28.000 What are those cowboy-boot-looking ones with the red?
02:18:30.000 Are those like Kevlar on the side of them?
02:18:32.000 Click on that bitch.
02:18:33.000 Chippewa.
02:18:34.000 Chippewa boots.
02:18:35.000 I could see you in that with a big red hat.
02:18:37.000 Give yourself a girl on FarmersOnly.com.
02:18:42.000 You don't have to be lonely at FarmersOnly.com.
02:18:48.000 I don't know what to do if I get bit by a snake.
02:18:51.000 I want a gal who knows how to catch a bass.
02:18:53.000 This 17-inch boot has a brown leather foot and cordura top to allow for breathing.
02:19:00.000 There's also a Goodyear leather welt.
02:19:02.000 What's a welt?
02:19:03.000 The bottom, I guess?
02:19:04.000 Cushioned insoles and leather line.
02:19:06.000 Don't get caught by a snake without a pair.
02:19:09.000 The leader in snake-proof boot business become the standard of quality and durability that will support the hunter in reptile-infested areas.
02:19:20.000 Merry Christmas, honey.
02:19:20.000 I got you something.
02:19:22.000 I guess most of the time they probably just bite straight ahead, right?
02:19:27.000 These things probably work.
02:19:28.000 Yeah, look at that one.
02:19:30.000 Where do these people live that they need these?
02:19:31.000 Freaky bitch.
02:19:32.000 She's got over-the-knee snake-proof boots.
02:19:35.000 She's got snake-proof stilettos that look like a snake.
02:19:37.000 That's just vicious.
02:19:38.000 Are you looking for a blowjob in a bass boat?
02:19:41.000 Farmers on the dock.
02:19:43.000 You don't have to be lonely.
02:19:48.000 Like, could you imagine if you were wearing those stupid looking boots and that fucking snake lunged forward and you saw the teeth, you're like, this cunt is going to get me right above the boot.
02:19:57.000 And bam, he locks onto your kneecap and fills it up with hot venom.
02:20:01.000 You have to look in his fucking reptilian ancient eyes.
02:20:05.000 His heartless, soulless eyes as he pumps his toxin into your fucking bloodstream.
02:20:10.000 And you're still wearing those stupid boots.
02:20:13.000 You looking for a handjob in a motorboat?
02:20:16.000 You don't have to be lonely.
02:20:19.000 Yeah.
02:20:20.000 How much sex has ever happened in those boats in Florida with the fans?
02:20:26.000 The giant fans.
02:20:27.000 Look at that.
02:20:28.000 Look at the snake.
02:20:29.000 It's biting you.
02:20:30.000 I'm biting you.
02:20:30.000 Those are cool.
02:20:31.000 But where are these people hiking all the time that they're getting so many rattlers?
02:20:35.000 Dude, up here.
02:20:37.000 You go up in the hills right above the studio, man.
02:20:39.000 There's fucking snakes all over the place.
02:20:41.000 The point of wearing these boots?
02:20:43.000 If you're a guy who has to do it all the time...
02:20:46.000 If you're a person that's up there all the time, I would recommend them.
02:20:49.000 Okay, let's find out.
02:20:50.000 Where do most people get bitten by snakes?
02:20:54.000 What part of the body do most people get bitten by snakes?
02:20:56.000 Oh, part of the body.
02:20:57.000 I thought you were a fucking city.
02:20:58.000 No.
02:20:59.000 I was going to say St. Louis.
02:21:03.000 Yeah, I bet it's the calf.
02:21:08.000 Like the calf area.
02:21:09.000 Shin calf area.
02:21:10.000 It makes sense, right?
02:21:11.000 You looking for a handjob in a haystack?
02:21:15.000 It's greater than 90% happen on the leg.
02:21:18.000 On the leg, yeah.
02:21:19.000 They're low.
02:21:20.000 They're ground creatures.
02:21:21.000 They're not flying around.
02:21:22.000 What if you have good Muay Thai and you have good leg checks and you get those knees up high, you see a thing coming, you check it.
02:21:28.000 Yeah.
02:21:29.000 I bet none of those guys have gotten hit by snake.
02:21:31.000 I bet none of them.
02:21:32.000 They're fast.
02:21:34.000 Snake, they're not, you know, they're not that quick.
02:21:36.000 They're springy.
02:21:36.000 The real problem is if you startle them.
02:21:39.000 Yeah.
02:21:39.000 That's where it's really fucked up, if you startle them.
02:21:41.000 Yeah.
02:21:42.000 That's what I did.
02:21:43.000 The thing about a snake is that they have to come up in order to get you.
02:21:48.000 So if a snake is flat like that, like the snake that I saw, he was flat.
02:21:52.000 And I was like, oh, you're dead.
02:21:54.000 Like, you're not gonna be able to get up quick enough.
02:21:55.000 Mine was coiled.
02:21:57.000 This is what they call a strike height, and they can make it above some leather boots.
02:22:02.000 Some people are asking about if they can get Kevlar jeans so that they don't go through their jeans.
02:22:07.000 That's a good move.
02:22:08.000 You don't have to wear snake-proof underpants.
02:22:12.000 I want a snake-proof condom.
02:22:15.000 Maybe the steel jeans that Michael Malice was talking about.
02:22:18.000 I doubt it.
02:22:19.000 This would probably help guide the venom right into your fucking leg.
02:22:24.000 Act as like a little slide.
02:22:26.000 You want to do it doggy style at a blue collar concert?
02:22:30.000 At a state fair?
02:22:32.000 How about a state fair?
02:22:35.000 State fairs are odd, man.
02:22:37.000 They're really weird.
02:22:37.000 If you see a band at a state fair...
02:22:39.000 Even if there's a lot of people at the State Fair, the caveat is always that there's a State Fair.
02:22:44.000 You know?
02:22:45.000 At the State Fair, yeah.
02:22:47.000 I go to see Ted Nugent at the State Fair.
02:22:48.000 Probably packed.
02:22:50.000 Yeah.
02:22:52.000 Uncle Ted's here!
02:22:53.000 Woo!
02:22:55.000 I once got an offer when I was first starting as a comic to do...
02:22:59.000 The offer was, you would drive a van with all the stuff for the stage in it to the state fair, help the crew build the stage, load everything onto the stage and stuff, and then you drive...
02:23:14.000 At the end of the show, you do a little comedy, host a little, and then you drive to the next...
02:23:19.000 You break down the stage, load it up, then you drive to the next city.
02:23:22.000 And the routing was like...
02:23:24.000 Starts in Buffalo.
02:23:26.000 Next night, Phoenix.
02:23:27.000 Next night, Charlotte, North Carolina.
02:23:29.000 Then Rochester.
02:23:31.000 Then back to Tucson, Arizona.
02:23:33.000 I was like, I said to my girlfriend at the time, who's now my wife, we should just get on the motorcycle and just drive all these places without these state fair shows.
02:23:42.000 Yeah, did it pay money?
02:23:44.000 Yeah, and then they'd pay you.
02:23:45.000 But not much, right?
02:23:46.000 That was terrible.
02:23:47.000 So we ended up, that's what we did.
02:23:49.000 We took the motorcycle and went for five weeks all around the U.S. On a motorcycle?
02:23:53.000 Yeah.
02:23:53.000 That's a pretty gangster move, man.
02:23:55.000 It was gangster.
02:23:56.000 We'd only been dating for like six months.
02:23:57.000 Ooh, that's a show a gal you care.
02:23:59.000 Yeah.
02:24:00.000 That's a good show a gal you care move.
02:24:01.000 You're really invested.
02:24:03.000 We got back from that.
02:24:05.000 We were like, alright, I guess we'll get married because that went well.
02:24:07.000 That's Bill Murray's advice.
02:24:09.000 Bill Murray says if you're thinking about marrying someone, travel the world with them.
02:24:12.000 Yeah!
02:24:12.000 You'll be hot and miserable.
02:24:14.000 You'll find out what they're really all about.
02:24:15.000 Absolutely.
02:24:16.000 I've lost some friends who we went on vacations with.
02:24:18.000 Really?
02:24:19.000 Yeah.
02:24:20.000 They fall apart on you?
02:24:20.000 Yeah, they get shitty.
02:24:21.000 They can't go with the flow.
02:24:23.000 They get all pissy, you know, because...
02:24:25.000 The car didn't show up or you missed the train.
02:24:29.000 It's a little stressful when you travel.
02:24:31.000 Yeah, that is a problem with some people, right?
02:24:33.000 Yeah.
02:24:33.000 Just don't know how to keep it together when things aren't going the best.
02:24:37.000 They're pissy.
02:24:38.000 Yeah.
02:24:38.000 That Hannity move when he's like, really, Ted?
02:24:41.000 Really?
02:24:42.000 No, that's sad.
02:24:43.000 That guy.
02:24:43.000 You don't want to travel with that guy.
02:24:45.000 He's a silly boy.
02:24:46.000 You just get pissy.
02:24:47.000 That kind of like the kid who's been picked on kind of thing.
02:24:50.000 But you know what the problem with those guys is?
02:24:52.000 There's many problems.
02:24:53.000 But one of the big problems is they're always in combat.
02:24:56.000 They're always fighting.
02:24:57.000 They're always forcing their opinions, they're always pushing their opinions with a lot of energy and emphasis, and they're always resisting anything that is contrary to their opinions, never considering them, never going over it, like really objectively.
02:25:11.000 It's always this, which is a natural, that natural knee-jerk reaction that all of us are subjected to.
02:25:18.000 Yeah.
02:25:19.000 We're all subject to that kind of unfortunate defense of our ideas, our initial idea.
02:25:25.000 There's a book, I do not know the name, I'll find out and post it, but that my friend read and he's conservative.
02:25:33.000 And it's basically about that.
02:25:36.000 It's how to take, hear something, recognize what your initial knee-jerk reaction is because of where you stand and what you believe.
02:25:44.000 Yeah.
02:25:46.000 And evaluate it.
02:25:47.000 And give yourself a beat to say, wait, maybe I'm wrong.
02:25:51.000 Yeah.
02:25:51.000 And try and work your way around the argument.
02:25:53.000 And he really believes in this book.
02:25:57.000 It's like, we're so all naturally set for these trigger words.
02:26:02.000 Like, you hear Hannity, or you hear Trump, or you hear Hillary, or you hear Clintons and...
02:26:08.000 Everybody has their preconceived beliefs, so you just back up whatever those stories are.
02:26:13.000 And this book is about breaking that down and trying to be more open and more logical.
02:26:19.000 I've definitely tried to work on that a lot during my time that I've been doing the podcast.
02:26:24.000 I've gotten way better at it.
02:26:25.000 I'm definitely not the best at it, but it's something I'm way better at now than I was when I first started doing the podcast.
02:26:31.000 Oh, yeah?
02:26:32.000 Yeah, because you realize how much it gets in the way of a good conversation.
02:26:36.000 Yeah.
02:26:36.000 It gets in the way of understanding how other people think.
02:26:40.000 Sometimes you have to dig your heels in and defend your position because you think the other person is being illogical.
02:26:44.000 And that's okay too, but I think it's also important to look at what someone else is saying and try to see if it makes any sense at all.
02:26:53.000 And it might not.
02:26:54.000 Yeah.
02:26:54.000 But give it a chance.
02:26:55.000 Give it a chance.
02:26:56.000 Give it a chance.
02:26:57.000 Yeah, no, that's great.
02:26:58.000 I try to just, like, look at someone from someone else's point of view.
02:27:01.000 I try to go, okay, so explain it.
02:27:03.000 Like, where are you coming from?
02:27:04.000 I try to do it with no judgment.
02:27:06.000 I try to just, like, really get into their head.
02:27:08.000 Yeah.
02:27:08.000 So when you do take opinions and you do analyze it and come down and say, you know, X is wrong, I believe X is wrong, do you...
02:27:19.000 Read your Twitter feed.
02:27:20.000 Because it seems like anytime you're in something public and you side anyway, you know, one issue and you go this way or that way, you're getting attacked.
02:27:32.000 Do you have that?
02:27:33.000 You would definitely have that.
02:27:34.000 Yeah, I've got that.
02:27:35.000 And do you take it to heart, or you're just like, no, these people just exist, and that's just the way it is?
02:27:39.000 I mean, I analyze myself.
02:27:41.000 I mean, I'll listen to some of it, if it's valid.
02:27:44.000 I know, I definitely know I've fucked up before.
02:27:46.000 Sure.
02:27:46.000 And when I have fucked up before, I've read things that people said that it didn't feel good to read it, but I knew that they were probably right.
02:27:52.000 Right.
02:27:52.000 And so, you just...
02:27:54.000 You know, when you're doing a live show, and you're just kind of free-balling the whole time.
02:27:58.000 Yeah, and it's comedy.
02:28:00.000 Sometimes it's comedy, and sometimes it gets heated, and sometimes there's booze involved.
02:28:05.000 There's a lot of those.
02:28:07.000 But, you know, I mean, it's just, are you trying to get better all the time?
02:28:11.000 Are you trying to do it better?
02:28:12.000 And if you are, this is just a part of the process.
02:28:14.000 And there's value in feedback.
02:28:18.000 But there's also, you have to understand, like, how many people with...
02:28:22.000 How many people are just trolling you?
02:28:24.000 How many people don't like you for whatever reason?
02:28:27.000 I've gone to people's pages, they'll say something insulting, and you go to their page, and it's just them insulting everybody.
02:28:31.000 Right, I know.
02:28:32.000 Everybody they can.
02:28:33.000 I know.
02:28:34.000 There's some people that choose to do that with their time, and hey, this is America, you're allowed to do that.
02:28:37.000 Yeah.
02:28:38.000 But I think, overall, the more time goes on, the less I spend looking at any of that shit, the better off I am.
02:28:45.000 So I'm less likely to look at that shit now than I ever have before.
02:28:48.000 Yeah.
02:28:49.000 It's just, yeah, because like you say, some of it you want to see and it is good feedback and there is a good rapport.
02:28:58.000 And then other people are just like, they make it almost impossible to find the good ones because it's just because you said one word.
02:29:06.000 Yeah.
02:29:08.000 We're comedians.
02:29:08.000 We're just curious people.
02:29:10.000 We're always trying to figure stuff out.
02:29:12.000 We're very similar in that we're not down on any one side, any one team.
02:29:16.000 We're really trying to figure out life and trying to figure things out.
02:29:20.000 So you're allowed to try and be like, I don't think this is right, or I don't think that's right.
02:29:24.000 But the...
02:29:26.000 Teams, people from the teams, just pounce.
02:29:29.000 Well, you can't think that way.
02:29:30.000 Well, I'm trying to figure it out.
02:29:32.000 I don't know if this is an oil grab.
02:29:35.000 I don't know if this is real news.
02:29:36.000 But don't you think that's also what makes social media and interaction with people so interesting, is that people can throw their opinion into the ring.
02:29:44.000 Throw their hat into the ring, as it were.
02:29:45.000 They read something that you say, or they heard something that you said in a clip, and then they argue with you about it.
02:29:51.000 If it's a...
02:29:55.000 A smart argument.
02:29:56.000 Yeah.
02:29:57.000 Not just a knee-jerk, you know, I hope you die because you said that.
02:30:01.000 You know what I mean?
02:30:02.000 You'd love to, you know.
02:30:04.000 I mean, that's some of the best conversations you can have are when you don't agree with somebody, and you're just kind of like going back, and it can get heated, but it's not insulting.
02:30:14.000 Yeah.
02:30:14.000 That's the big key.
02:30:15.000 And it's also when you explore why you believe something and I believe something different and you go back and forth over it, if you do do it respectful and you do get to understand where that person's coming from, sometimes it makes it even more obvious to everybody listening and to you that they're wrong.
02:30:32.000 Right.
02:30:32.000 Or that you're wrong.
02:30:33.000 Right.
02:30:33.000 Whatever the fucking honest answer is, it gets sort of illuminated.
02:30:38.000 And it doesn't get illuminated when you get locked up in this battle.
02:30:41.000 Right.
02:30:42.000 There's people that will form sides.
02:30:43.000 But if you can get to the objective battle, okay, what makes you believe that that is true?
02:30:49.000 Right.
02:30:49.000 And then they tell you, and you go, well, that is actually not true.
02:30:52.000 Let's find the facts.
02:30:53.000 Or, I didn't know that.
02:30:55.000 Right.
02:30:55.000 Now I'm looking at my initial position differently.
02:30:57.000 And don't be married to that initial position.
02:31:00.000 Yeah.
02:31:00.000 Because it's just an opinion.
02:31:01.000 But opinions, to us, are almost like markers of our self-esteem.
02:31:05.000 If you can't defend that position, then you fucked up initially, and you're flawed.
02:31:13.000 So people dig in, and they try to defend that position, even when they know it logically, it doesn't make sense.
02:31:18.000 It's like they get married to it.
02:31:20.000 And even if you're with somebody, and you're engaged, and you're having this real back and forth about something, and you both are dealing with the facts...
02:31:27.000 But you still have your opinion that, no, I'm still siding with this way and I'm siding with that way.
02:31:32.000 You can still respect each other.
02:31:34.000 Yeah.
02:31:35.000 It's when you go, when it becomes this personal insult is where you lose it.
02:31:39.000 Right?
02:31:40.000 I mean, I know people in my family, people, you know, that I work with, whatever, who have total different views, vote differently, act differently, do whatever.
02:31:48.000 But I love them.
02:31:49.000 They're just great people.
02:31:50.000 And you can't...
02:31:53.000 You shouldn't have to dissolve relationships because of a political point of view about a certain issue.
02:32:00.000 That's what's so great.
02:32:01.000 My whole family was like, my grandfather was hard right, my uncle was hard left, and they would argue and fight, but they loved each other and everybody kind of got along and just ate their potatoes after the argument.
02:32:12.000 Some people can't do that, right?
02:32:13.000 Some people, if you don't agree with them, you can't hang out with them.
02:32:16.000 Yeah.
02:32:16.000 About everything.
02:32:17.000 Yeah.
02:32:18.000 And then some people will have these crazy arguments where you can't be right or wrong.
02:32:22.000 You don't know what you're talking about.
02:32:24.000 Like climate change.
02:32:25.000 How many people have you talked to that would just go hard one way or the other on climate change?
02:32:30.000 Yeah.
02:32:31.000 And then when you start talking to them about it, Like you actually ask them, what makes you think that climate change is just a cycle and that human beings are not involved in it?
02:32:39.000 Well, it's been shown that a lot of the data has been hoaxed and a lot of the...
02:32:43.000 And then if you just go deeper, deeper, deeper down the rabbit hole, you find out they haven't looked into it that much.
02:32:48.000 Right.
02:32:49.000 Very few people arguing pro or against man-made climate change have really looked into it.
02:32:54.000 Most people are just sort of taking the consensus view that they hear from scientists or from pundits or from people in the news.
02:33:01.000 And if you're on the left, you're most likely thinking that we're in deep trouble.
02:33:04.000 And if you're on the right, you're more likely to dismiss it.
02:33:07.000 Yeah.
02:33:08.000 I mean, that's why back to why we need grownups to like control some of the news and give you facts so you can kind of decide stuff.
02:33:15.000 It's because you don't have the time to research climate change on your own.
02:33:19.000 You've got kids, you've got a dog that's got a, wants you to whack off with your foot.
02:33:24.000 There's a lot going on in your life.
02:33:25.000 So you depend on others who are really, who are invested in giving you the right information.
02:33:31.000 So what do you do?
02:33:32.000 Do you tell them that they have to just say, like, okay, if you're going to call something in the news, should we have, like, a thing where you have to, like, meet a standard of ingredients?
02:33:44.000 Like, we looked at your ingredients, and you have trans fats in your news, and you have all this other bullshit.
02:33:50.000 Like, you can't sell this as food.
02:33:52.000 This is not news.
02:33:53.000 You can't make this food.
02:33:55.000 It should be.
02:33:55.000 Yeah, it should be.
02:33:56.000 Because, like, for Hannity to say, I'm a talk show host, that's fine.
02:34:00.000 More power to you.
02:34:01.000 But then there should be a thing, a little logo up in the corner that says, Opinion Show, like a little O. And then there should be an N on the top of the whatever show that's just giving you facts for the day.
02:34:12.000 Right.
02:34:13.000 The problem really is calling it a news network and having opinion people on a news network.
02:34:17.000 Right.
02:34:18.000 But that's the same with Anderson Cooper when he's rolling his eyes at Kellyanne Conway.
02:34:21.000 That's the same shit.
02:34:23.000 It's the same stuff, right?
02:34:24.000 It's the same shit he's just doing on the other side.
02:34:25.000 And maybe he's correct that what she's saying is ridiculous, but he's clearly editorializing by doing that.
02:34:30.000 Yes, it's all opinion shows, you know?
02:34:32.000 And then you need somebody...
02:34:34.000 Don Lemon.
02:34:35.000 You need Ted Koppel to just sit there with his little face and just give you the boring news and put an N on it.
02:34:41.000 And when he goes on opinion shows, he lets them know.
02:34:44.000 Yeah.
02:34:44.000 I mean, he's letting these guys know, like, hey, you're ruining everything.
02:34:47.000 Yeah.
02:34:48.000 I don't have time to watch anything, frankly.
02:34:50.000 Good for you.
02:34:51.000 But where do you get your news?
02:34:52.000 Do you just read articles?
02:34:54.000 I read, uh, yeah.
02:34:56.000 I mean, stuff pops up on my phone.
02:34:57.000 Read the Times?
02:34:58.000 I read the Times.
02:34:58.000 I get the Times delivered every day.
02:35:00.000 Look at you, like a real man.
02:35:02.000 Yeah.
02:35:02.000 Do you have toast?
02:35:04.000 Gentleman's toast?
02:35:04.000 Yes, I do.
02:35:05.000 The gentleman's breakfast.
02:35:06.000 Gentleman's breakfast and you eat the...
02:35:07.000 Van Gogh is this great...
02:35:09.000 Painter?
02:35:10.000 The painter?
02:35:11.000 Has this great...
02:35:13.000 Had this great quote about what it takes to do good work.
02:35:16.000 And you have to have...
02:35:17.000 You have to have your...
02:35:19.000 You smoke your pipe.
02:35:20.000 Have a fling once in a while.
02:35:23.000 Something like...
02:35:24.000 And have a moment to yourself to have coffee.
02:35:28.000 To have your coffee by yourself.
02:35:30.000 And I really try and carve that out every day.
02:35:33.000 It's not going to make me Van Gogh, but I really believe those things.
02:35:37.000 To just sit with your coffee for a couple minutes and just in peace, just have that.
02:35:42.000 Those moments, like even when you're talking about making your bread, those moments make you more of a person, those moments of thought and careful consideration of what you're doing, relaxation.
02:35:51.000 You sitting there and eating the bread, just having a slice of toast and a coffee and just sit for 10 minutes before you embark on whatever madness you're going to do for the day.
02:36:00.000 Those moments are important.
02:36:02.000 It's one of the big rituals for backcountry hunters, bringing coffee.
02:36:07.000 Guys will, you know, weight is a very big thing when you're backcountry hunting and hiking.
02:36:12.000 Like when these guys go deep into the backcountry, you know, there are several miles deep into the woods.
02:36:16.000 Yeah, I used to do it all the time.
02:36:17.000 And a lot of guys will bring like a little jet boil and packets of coffee, and they'll cook up some hot water, and they'll sit together, and they'll have a moment to be a person again.
02:36:29.000 And sit down, let's have a cup of coffee.
02:36:31.000 Interesting.
02:36:32.000 And they'll use these little plastic cups, and they pour their coffee, and they're sitting there drinking on the side of the mountain.
02:36:37.000 And then they feel like, oh, I've got a moment of pleasure, a moment of relaxation.
02:36:41.000 Important.
02:36:41.000 And there's other stuff they didn't put in the packs just so they could have that.
02:36:44.000 Yes.
02:36:44.000 Right?
02:36:44.000 Well, they just carry that extra weight, especially the jet boil.
02:36:47.000 Jet boil's probably like a pound or so.
02:36:48.000 Yeah.
02:36:49.000 You know, you're carrying water anyway, so you're just boiling that water, and you pour in those.
02:36:52.000 You know, they have those Starbucks little Virtu, I think they're called.
02:36:56.000 Yeah.
02:36:56.000 Is that what it's called?
02:36:57.000 What are those Starbucks little packets called?
02:37:00.000 What is it called?
02:37:00.000 The Verismo?
02:37:01.000 Is that what it's called?
02:37:02.000 Verismo?
02:37:03.000 Yeah, it's just like...
02:37:03.000 Yeah, like a little pack of instant coffee.
02:37:05.000 Why do you think it was a Virtu?
02:37:06.000 What is a Virtu?
02:37:07.000 That's a something, right?
02:37:08.000 It's like electronic or some shit.
02:37:11.000 But yeah, whatever those Starbucks...
02:37:13.000 Those Starbucks Instants are really good.
02:37:16.000 Yeah, they are good.
02:37:17.000 I mean, it tastes like real coffee.
02:37:18.000 They figured out how to do it now.
02:37:20.000 I used to make my shitty New York apartment.
02:37:22.000 Did you?
02:37:22.000 Yeah, because they didn't have a good coffee maker.
02:37:24.000 I was like, this will do me well.
02:37:25.000 Dude, if you want to make coffee, if you're at home, all you need is a French press.
02:37:29.000 That is the way to go.
02:37:30.000 That's the way to go.
02:37:31.000 It is the best.
02:37:32.000 It's a little mucky cleanup.
02:37:34.000 Yeah, I guess.
02:37:35.000 It's worth the step.
02:37:37.000 But it's a few steps.
02:37:38.000 But the oils from the coffee.
02:37:40.000 Yeah.
02:37:41.000 If you're a person who enjoys the actual flavor of coffee.
02:37:44.000 Love it.
02:37:44.000 Me too.
02:37:44.000 No milk, no nothing.
02:37:46.000 Just give it to me.
02:37:47.000 Like a man.
02:37:47.000 Like a man.
02:37:48.000 That's why I drink it these days.
02:37:49.000 It's the best.
02:37:50.000 And I get way less complaints on the podcast about me clearing my throat.
02:37:53.000 Mm-hmm.
02:37:53.000 Oh, yeah?
02:37:54.000 I was a problem before.
02:37:55.000 Why?
02:37:55.000 Because you had stuff in the coffee?
02:37:56.000 I drank the bulletproof coffee with the butter and the MCT oil.
02:38:00.000 And it was making you phlegmy?
02:38:01.000 That butter coffee makes you super phlegmy.
02:38:03.000 I'd be like...
02:38:04.000 What am I drinking here?
02:38:05.000 Black coffee.
02:38:06.000 Just black coffee.
02:38:06.000 Caveman coffee.
02:38:07.000 It's the best.
02:38:07.000 Sabertooth roast.
02:38:08.000 It's really good.
02:38:09.000 It's goddamn savage.
02:38:10.000 It's good.
02:38:12.000 No, those moments are really important in life.
02:38:14.000 I really believe those little quiet things that have been passed on.
02:38:19.000 If things have been around for thousands of years and people have figured it out, the cocktail hour, the quiet moment before bed or in the morning when you're having your coffee, those things are figured out for a reason.
02:38:33.000 Have figured out this is the way to live.
02:38:37.000 It really is.
02:38:38.000 It really is the way to live.
02:38:40.000 And if you can pull it off...
02:38:41.000 And they're so small and they're so deep and they're so valuable.
02:38:44.000 You know what I mean?
02:38:45.000 It's not a giant trip to Vegas.
02:38:47.000 It's not, oh, I've got to make a million dollars.
02:38:50.000 It's sitting with your pipe and a coffee.
02:38:53.000 That simple little thing is so much better for your soul than all this giant stuff that we end up chasing.
02:39:02.000 Small.
02:39:05.000 Yeah, I was interviewing Dr. Robert Sapolsky yesterday, a famous scientist, and one of the things I was doing was going over some of his work, listening to some of his previous interviews and reading some of his articles and stuff, and he had this thing about meditation.
02:39:22.000 Oh, yeah?
02:39:22.000 And essentially, one of the things that he was saying about meditation is, like, it can be effective, but you have to do it all the time.
02:39:28.000 Right.
02:39:28.000 It's not something you can do once a week.
02:39:30.000 Meditation is something that should become a daily part of your routine, and then it'll help you mitigate stress.
02:39:36.000 Does it take twice a day, or can you do it once a day?
02:39:38.000 He didn't specify.
02:39:39.000 He was talking about all the different forms that it takes, too.
02:39:42.000 There's a bunch of different kinds, and there's not necessarily one that works best.
02:39:46.000 But I think that what you're doing when you're making your bread, I think that's a meditation.
02:39:50.000 I really do.
02:39:51.000 Yeah, in a way.
02:39:53.000 It's not like when I really meditate and you sit for 20 minutes and it slows your heart rate.
02:39:59.000 And you're not asleep.
02:40:00.000 It actually calms you deeper than sleep.
02:40:04.000 I used to, and I still do, call martial arts moving meditation.
02:40:08.000 Because martial arts make you think so much about the movements and about what you're doing.
02:40:13.000 So much intensity and so much danger involved in them that they make you have very singular focus.
02:40:19.000 And then in that singular focus, there's some sort of a cleansing that happens with your mind.
02:40:25.000 It's like by just going hard at these things, it relieves stress in a way.
02:40:30.000 Completely.
02:40:31.000 That uber-focus on anything, right?
02:40:33.000 When I had a motorcycle, and my father still does it, and it's his thing.
02:40:40.000 I have comedy and other things to put my mind into.
02:40:45.000 But he still does it, and I get it.
02:40:46.000 I mean, when you're on that bike, it's your survival.
02:40:49.000 Where's your dad live?
02:40:50.000 He lives in New York.
02:40:51.000 City?
02:40:52.000 No, upstate New York.
02:40:53.000 So is he in a place where you could ride a bike and not worry about people being methed out?
02:40:58.000 Yeah.
02:40:58.000 Running you over while they're texting?
02:41:00.000 But he goes everywhere.
02:41:00.000 He goes on these trips, like, excuse me, up all the way, mostly East Coast, but he's done all of Europe, he's done all of the U.S. You ever wipe out?
02:41:09.000 No.
02:41:10.000 Never wiped out?
02:41:11.000 Never wiped out.
02:41:11.000 Wow.
02:41:12.000 No.
02:41:13.000 That's incredible.
02:41:14.000 Yeah.
02:41:14.000 How'd you do that?
02:41:15.000 You're the only guy I've ever heard of.
02:41:17.000 Really?
02:41:18.000 I don't know.
02:41:18.000 I was uber safe as I could be.
02:41:22.000 You're still dependent on other people, but...
02:41:25.000 The only time I fell over was my wife and I pulled into a Days Inn in Kansas and we'd done a lot of highway, just straight hours just going.
02:41:37.000 And we pulled up to the Days Inn and the routine was we'd pull in at the end of the day and she would go in to check into the hotel and I would take care of the bike.
02:41:45.000 And we pulled into a Days Inn and she hopped off the bike and I just never took my feet off the pegs.
02:41:52.000 Because I was so tired.
02:41:53.000 And I just, like, Benny Hill just slowly tipped over to the side.
02:41:57.000 Did you get hurt?
02:41:58.000 No, the bar kind of caught it.
02:42:01.000 It'd just feel like a schnub.
02:42:03.000 That's pretty good.
02:42:04.000 Yeah.
02:42:05.000 As far as, like, all the accidents?
02:42:07.000 No.
02:42:08.000 Yeah.
02:42:08.000 No.
02:42:09.000 I went with a couple of friends from Fear Factor.
02:42:12.000 We were all taking it at the same time.
02:42:14.000 Motorcycle safety course.
02:42:16.000 Oh, yeah.
02:42:16.000 And while I was doing it, two people I know got in car accidents on motorcycles.
02:42:20.000 Yeah.
02:42:20.000 Really?
02:42:21.000 Yeah.
02:42:21.000 And then one person I know saw a person get hit, saw someone space out on their phone, ran into some guy from behind, sent him flying through the air, just hit him.
02:42:32.000 Yeah.
02:42:33.000 Just bang.
02:42:34.000 It's terrible.
02:42:34.000 I know.
02:42:35.000 I was lucky, but once I came out here, I had it in New York City for a long time, which was kind of manageable.
02:42:41.000 I would do spots.
02:42:42.000 Me and Greg Giraldo would go between clubs.
02:42:45.000 And it was night, so it was kind of a little more mellow, and it was alright.
02:42:48.000 But once I came out here, I was like, there's no way.
02:42:50.000 I just had kids, and my career was starting to go okay, and I'm like, there's too much to lose.
02:42:55.000 I mean, this place is nuts with driving as it is.
02:43:00.000 Everybody drives out here, too.
02:43:01.000 As opposed to in New York, those are professionals.
02:43:03.000 That's right.
02:43:04.000 Yeah, you're right.
02:43:05.000 It's not that they're better at it, but, you know.
02:43:08.000 But man, I was in San Francisco a couple weeks ago, and I went into a Ducati Triumph shop.
02:43:13.000 Oh!
02:43:14.000 God, it made me want to shit back on.
02:43:17.000 Oh, they're so beautiful.
02:43:18.000 I've never ridden a Ducati, but I stared at a bunch of them.
02:43:22.000 And these are the touring ones.
02:43:24.000 I wasn't even interested in the real crotch rocket.
02:43:26.000 They've got these touring ones that are so beautiful.
02:43:30.000 Badass.
02:43:31.000 Ducatis have a cool sound to them, too.
02:43:32.000 They really do.
02:43:33.000 Very distinct.
02:43:34.000 Yeah.
02:43:35.000 Yeah, I do miss it, for sure.
02:43:38.000 Look at those fucking things.
02:43:41.000 Yeah, the new Triumphs.
02:43:42.000 They're made to look like the old Triumphs.
02:43:44.000 Damn, those look great.
02:43:45.000 I know.
02:43:45.000 Looks like so much fun.
02:43:47.000 So much fun.
02:43:49.000 Look at that fucking bike.
02:43:51.000 That's a Bucati with the double tailpipes.
02:43:53.000 Oh my god.
02:43:54.000 How could you not want to just leave everybody and just go?
02:43:57.000 It's probably so fun.
02:43:59.000 And now apparently those things kind of have like self-balancing properties to them.
02:44:03.000 Really?
02:44:03.000 Like gyros?
02:44:04.000 Well, they have like traction control, some of them do now.
02:44:08.000 And there was one that Jamie showed that some bike from the future that holds itself up.
02:44:13.000 Was that a BMW? Is that who made it?
02:44:15.000 There's some new BMW bike that doesn't look like any bike you've ever seen before.
02:44:18.000 It looks like some total Tron shit, some space-age shit.
02:44:22.000 And this bike is, I think it's right, it's a concept right now.
02:44:26.000 Go full screen so we can look at this shit.
02:44:28.000 Yeah, what BMW is doing is pretty.
02:44:31.000 If this happens, Jamie was saying you don't need a helmet.
02:44:36.000 That's what they said.
02:44:37.000 Oh really?
02:44:38.000 I'm just repeating what they said.
02:44:39.000 So look at these goggles.
02:44:41.000 Jamie's declared, you don't even need to wear clothes!
02:44:42.000 Look at the goggles they have on.
02:44:44.000 She's got these goggles that are like virtual reality headsets.
02:44:46.000 Go back so you can see those goggles before she puts them on.
02:44:49.000 Look at this.
02:44:51.000 Look at this fucking bike, man.
02:44:53.000 It's gorgeous.
02:44:53.000 It looks like Tom Cruise in the...
02:44:55.000 Yeah.
02:44:56.000 Look, so she can see the speedometer and everything comes through your vision.
02:44:59.000 Oh, wow.
02:45:00.000 Look at that.
02:45:01.000 Look at that.
02:45:02.000 This is crazy.
02:45:03.000 It's got big fat Batman tires.
02:45:05.000 That's gorgeous.
02:45:06.000 Dude, look.
02:45:07.000 It's got a navigation system.
02:45:08.000 It's showing on the goggles while she's riding around.
02:45:11.000 This is crazy.
02:45:13.000 That's amazing.
02:45:14.000 Is this coming soon?
02:45:15.000 I don't know if it's ever coming, really.
02:45:16.000 It might be bullshit.
02:45:17.000 No way.
02:45:18.000 All this stuff always comes out.
02:45:19.000 But watch.
02:45:20.000 She stands off of it, and it stays up on its own.
02:45:22.000 It's like a gyroscope.
02:45:23.000 Oh, my God.
02:45:24.000 Of course it's coming.
02:45:26.000 But she doesn't have a helmet on.
02:45:27.000 And look how hot she is!
02:45:28.000 She's so hot.
02:45:29.000 She totally would be with me.
02:45:30.000 Do you think it makes you hotter?
02:45:31.000 Makes you hotter when you're on a bike like that?
02:45:33.000 Oh my god.
02:45:33.000 I follow on Instagram.
02:45:36.000 Look at that thing.
02:45:38.000 It's a Batman bike.
02:45:39.000 I think it's motor A-list.
02:45:41.000 Fuck.
02:45:41.000 It's just beautiful girls on these old vintage bikes.
02:45:44.000 It's the sexiest thing I've ever seen.
02:45:45.000 But look at that.
02:45:46.000 She doesn't even have to balance it.
02:45:47.000 It balances itself like one of those scooters.
02:45:49.000 No, because she's so hot!
02:45:49.000 Because she's so hot!
02:45:50.000 It's her pussy.
02:45:52.000 It's her pussy gyroscope.
02:45:53.000 It's got such a gravitational force that the whole thing, I stay centered.
02:45:57.000 She's so hot.
02:45:59.000 You put a girl on a bike, it's hot.
02:46:02.000 You know, if you put a girl in a place where you don't expect, she goes up and...
02:46:06.000 Right.
02:46:07.000 Right?
02:46:07.000 Right.
02:46:07.000 Girl on a golf course?
02:46:08.000 Girl at a boxing gym with her hair pulled back.
02:46:10.000 Oh my God.
02:46:12.000 A girl on a crew with just a tool belt?
02:46:15.000 Yeah.
02:46:16.000 Girl on a golf course.
02:46:17.000 Yeah.
02:46:18.000 They go up.
02:46:20.000 It's always fat guys.
02:46:21.000 Right.
02:46:22.000 Do you think a girl on a golf course is just looking for dick?
02:46:25.000 Or do you think they actually like golf?
02:46:27.000 Some can really play.
02:46:31.000 You're really entertaining my question.
02:46:35.000 Well, it takes all types, right?
02:46:36.000 Real consideration.
02:46:37.000 Hmm.
02:46:38.000 Probably all of us looking for dick.
02:46:40.000 All of them.
02:46:41.000 They can't possibly like it.
02:46:43.000 It's like guys playing with dolls.
02:46:44.000 Do you really like to play with dolls?
02:46:47.000 Yeah.
02:46:48.000 No, if you're out there on the links playing, she can play.
02:46:52.000 Shout out, ladies.
02:46:53.000 But I've seen some girls that couldn't play at all who were just flirting with guys at the driving range.
02:46:57.000 What are you showing me here, Jamie?
02:46:58.000 She's like the hottest, arguably, female golfer.
02:47:01.000 She's got a million followers on Instagram.
02:47:03.000 Of course she does.
02:47:04.000 She's a female golfer and she's showing her butt.
02:47:06.000 Imagine if that was a male golfer standing like that.
02:47:08.000 Back up one.
02:47:09.000 Okay, male golfer standing like that.
02:47:12.000 Show's over, fella.
02:47:13.000 It's over, okay?
02:47:16.000 Yeah.
02:47:17.000 But she can do that.
02:47:18.000 She can stick her butt at you.
02:47:20.000 Yeah.
02:47:20.000 Well, you got to work with what you got.
02:47:22.000 Well, I'm sure she's got more than that, you son of a bitch.
02:47:25.000 No, she's talented.
02:47:26.000 You're so sexist.
02:47:27.000 I can't even believe you, my friend.
02:47:29.000 What's going on here?
02:47:30.000 She's a killer.
02:47:31.000 She's got her tits hanging out, and she's wearing a little tiny skirt.
02:47:34.000 You got to work with what you got.
02:47:36.000 How come dudes don't dress like that when they hit balls?
02:47:38.000 Seems weird.
02:47:39.000 Because we don't have those bodies.
02:47:42.000 Our bodies are gross.
02:47:45.000 If our bodies looked like that, if we were sleek and thin, we'd be okay?
02:47:48.000 If we were sleek, thin, smooth, hairless.
02:47:50.000 Smooth.
02:47:50.000 Ah.
02:47:51.000 Not offensive.
02:47:52.000 No appendages dangling.
02:47:53.000 Yeah, no disgusting.
02:47:55.000 Nothing gross.
02:47:55.000 Gross.
02:47:56.000 Yeah.
02:47:57.000 Hairs coming everywhere.
02:47:58.000 Yeah, everywhere.
02:47:59.000 Ugh.
02:48:00.000 I got hairs in my ears now.
02:48:01.000 I have to shave them.
02:48:02.000 It's a new thing.
02:48:03.000 As I get older, I get hairier.
02:48:04.000 Like, I have neck hair now, back of the neck hair.
02:48:07.000 Yeah.
02:48:07.000 Ear hair, nose hair.
02:48:08.000 I'm covered.
02:48:10.000 I'm like a bear.
02:48:11.000 Except where we want it.
02:48:13.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:48:14.000 I had a barber, an old Italian barber, who shaved my ears when I was 15. Whoa.
02:48:20.000 He took shaving stuff and put it on my ears and shaved them.
02:48:24.000 Straight razor?
02:48:25.000 Yeah.
02:48:26.000 And ever since then, just weeds growing out of the back of my ears.
02:48:30.000 Yeah, it totally worked that way.
02:48:32.000 I think it just grew that way anyway.
02:48:34.000 No!
02:48:34.000 That's why he was shaving your ears at 15. Most kids don't have to get their fucking ears shaved at 15. You're a goddamn little wolf boy.
02:48:42.000 Like Michael J. Fox in that movie.
02:48:44.000 Yeah, but it was soft little fluffy hair.
02:48:46.000 Now it's like cactus.
02:48:48.000 I don't think it works that way, man.
02:48:49.000 I don't think like when you shave it, it doesn't grow back thicker.
02:48:51.000 I think that's a myth.
02:48:52.000 I don't think that's true.
02:48:54.000 I think it definitely grows back thicker.
02:48:55.000 Really?
02:48:56.000 Yeah.
02:48:56.000 I don't think it does, man.
02:48:58.000 I think this came up the other day.
02:48:59.000 I don't know if it was on here or if I saw it, but yeah.
02:49:01.000 It definitely grows back thicker.
02:49:02.000 I'm pretty sure it's a myth.
02:49:03.000 When my wife started shaving her mustache, now it...
02:49:07.000 Her pussy's a jungle!
02:49:10.000 But it's a war we will win every day.
02:49:12.000 We hack away.
02:49:13.000 I've got a trimmer that goes inside the ear and up the nose.
02:49:18.000 I've got a thing I shave with my regular razor.
02:49:21.000 As I'm shaving my face, I shave the back of my ears.
02:49:24.000 I'm a hairy mess.
02:49:26.000 Sometimes when I'm driving in my car, I'll grab a finger full of nose hairs and I'll yank them out by the roots.
02:49:32.000 Feels good.
02:49:32.000 It's very satisfying when I look and I see a bunch of hairs that I pulled out of my nose.
02:49:37.000 You've got to get a trimmer.
02:49:38.000 Yeah, I know I do, but sometimes I can grab them.
02:49:40.000 I just like to grab them.
02:49:42.000 My one part of my back is hairier than the other side?
02:49:46.000 Fact or fiction.
02:49:47.000 If you shave or wax, your hair will come back thicker.
02:49:50.000 And it may look that way, but looks can be very deceiving.
02:49:54.000 I don't believe this science.
02:49:56.000 Bullshit with the fucking Scientific America.
02:49:58.000 Bunch of liberal nonsense.
02:49:59.000 That is simply not so.
02:50:01.000 There are several reasons that the myth continues to flourish.
02:50:04.000 One is the limitation of human perception.
02:50:07.000 People are just not very good observers, but there is no science, just no science behind hair growing back thicker, says Amy McMichael.
02:50:15.000 First of all, it's a girl.
02:50:17.000 Yeah, where's she know?
02:50:18.000 Chair of the Department of Dermatology at Wake Forest Baptist Health.
02:50:21.000 We're just kidding, Amy.
02:50:22.000 I'm sure you know a lot more than me.
02:50:24.000 There's also the power of coincidence.
02:50:26.000 Indeed, pervasive myths, if a young boy shaves his mustache, it will grow back thicker, are grounded in a kernel of truth.
02:50:32.000 It might, but that's because the shaving may overlap with the timing of natural hormonal fluctuations in his body that are developing his adult facial hair, not because of his hair removal.
02:50:43.000 No.
02:50:43.000 Body hair grows at different times and at different rates for everybody.
02:50:47.000 Case closed, Papa.
02:50:49.000 I had little fuzzies on my ears and now I have cactus barbs that hurt my wife in our sleep.
02:50:57.000 Whoa.
02:50:58.000 I'm a hairy mess.
02:50:59.000 I had a birthmark on my left side of my back when I was young and it faded.
02:51:05.000 But what's remained is hair.
02:51:06.000 So my right side is not very hairy.
02:51:09.000 It has some hair.
02:51:10.000 But this side is just like a jungle.
02:51:12.000 A patch.
02:51:13.000 Whoa.
02:51:13.000 I used to have a song for it when I was in high school.
02:51:15.000 What was it?
02:51:16.000 Sammy on my back.
02:51:17.000 Sammy on my back.
02:51:18.000 What you doing there with all that hair?
02:51:20.000 Sammy.
02:51:21.000 You got a name for it?
02:51:22.000 It was Sammy?
02:51:23.000 Why did you call it Sammy?
02:51:25.000 One of my friends named it.
02:51:26.000 Wow.
02:51:27.000 Sammy on my back.
02:51:28.000 Some weird fucking photo album they jerk off to.
02:51:31.000 What you doing there with all that hair?
02:51:34.000 Sammy.
02:51:37.000 And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, we just did another three hours.
02:51:41.000 We did?
02:51:42.000 Yeah.
02:51:42.000 It's the best show ever.
02:51:43.000 It's crazy.
02:51:44.000 How the fuck does that happen?
02:51:44.000 It's 4.30 already.
02:51:46.000 Um...
02:51:47.000 Dom Popo.
02:51:48.000 Do you...
02:51:49.000 So when you're home enjoying my bread over Memorial Day weekend...
02:51:53.000 I smell it already.
02:51:54.000 Will I be enjoying any gift from you?
02:51:57.000 The elk!
02:51:57.000 I have elk for you, sir.
02:51:58.000 Yes!
02:51:58.000 Yes!
02:51:59.000 Yes!
02:52:01.000 Yes.
02:52:01.000 Mighty.
02:52:02.000 I have also purchased a new commercial-sized Yoder pellet smoker and I will be cooking from the new location.
02:52:13.000 So next time we do Fight Companion or maybe next time you and I do a podcast, we will sit down to a meal that I will cook before you ever get here.
02:52:23.000 So we'll have a meal and we'll put some cameras on us and we'll talk some shit while we're eating a nice, delicious, wild game dinner.
02:52:28.000 I will bring the wine and the cigars.
02:52:31.000 Come on.
02:52:32.000 Dinner with Joe and Tom.
02:52:34.000 Dinner for two.
02:52:35.000 And you bring bread and we'll have some gentleman's butter.
02:52:38.000 What is it?
02:52:39.000 Gentleman's breakfast.
02:52:40.000 Three cigars.
02:52:42.000 Yes.
02:52:42.000 Bottle of wine.
02:52:44.000 That's done.
02:52:45.000 Done.
02:52:45.000 We're done.
02:52:46.000 It's a great idea.
02:52:47.000 So I have this.
02:52:48.000 It's a Yoder.
02:52:49.000 Pull this up.
02:52:50.000 It's a Yoder 1500. I got one so I could cook for like six, seven people at a time.
02:52:56.000 Perfect.
02:52:56.000 Yeah.
02:52:57.000 I got it.
02:52:57.000 It's a big ass.
02:52:57.000 Never heard of this.
02:52:58.000 Well, I'm a big fan of these pellet smokers.
02:53:00.000 And what I like about these Yoders is...
02:53:03.000 This is, by the way, not an endorsement.
02:53:05.000 I paid full price for this thing.
02:53:08.000 Didn't ask for...
02:53:09.000 That looks cool.
02:53:10.000 It's not a sponsorship.
02:53:11.000 It's big.
02:53:11.000 It's just a dope pellet smoker.
02:53:13.000 Holy cow.
02:53:14.000 It's made in America.
02:53:15.000 What do you keep...
02:53:15.000 What's pellet?
02:53:16.000 Fuck yeah.
02:53:16.000 What do you mean pellet?
02:53:17.000 It works on pellets, meaning hardwood pellets.
02:53:20.000 So what they do is they take, you know, when a lumberyard cuts up like maple or oak or some hardwood, they take the pellets, they take rather the sawdust, and they compress it, and the natural sugars compress Down into pellets and the pellets hold together and they pour these pellets in a hopper and the hopper feeds into a worm drive that feeds to a heating element.
02:53:44.000 So it keeps it at a very consistent temperature.
02:53:48.000 How do you light it?
02:53:49.000 Well, it lights itself.
02:53:51.000 Just a switch?
02:53:52.000 Yeah.
02:53:52.000 See it like that?
02:53:53.000 That's great.
02:53:53.000 That's what it looks like.
02:53:54.000 And if you...
02:53:55.000 Jamie, see if you can find like...
02:53:57.000 That's badass.
02:53:57.000 Oh, it's dope.
02:53:58.000 I love these things.
02:53:59.000 And there's another company called Traeger that just came out with a really super high-tech one that's thick and insulated like a Yeti cooler.
02:54:08.000 It's like their best model yet.
02:54:10.000 And you can control it with an app.
02:54:12.000 And it has digital thermometers that are built into it so you can tell the temperature, your food.
02:54:17.000 What's your signature dish off of this thing?
02:54:19.000 Well, mostly I eat wild game because I try to shoot an elk a year, which is like 400 pounds of meat plus.
02:54:28.000 I give away a lot of it.
02:54:29.000 Really?
02:54:29.000 400 pounds?
02:54:30.000 But I'd say I have 400 pounds of meat.
02:54:31.000 But this year was a good year.
02:54:33.000 I shot two deer.
02:54:35.000 I shot a pig.
02:54:36.000 I shot an elk.
02:54:38.000 So I shot a lot of animals this year.
02:54:39.000 So I've got a lot of good food.
02:54:40.000 Do you have a big fridge at the house?
02:54:41.000 I have two commercial freezers in the back here.
02:54:44.000 And I have two more commercial freezers at home.
02:54:46.000 Wow.
02:54:46.000 Yeah.
02:54:47.000 That's badass.
02:54:47.000 But I gave away a lot of food to my friends.
02:54:50.000 Yeah.
02:54:50.000 I'm very proud.
02:54:51.000 I gave food to Duncan Trussell.
02:54:53.000 I gave elk to Gary Clark Jr. Oh, yeah?
02:54:56.000 One of the greatest guitarists of all time.
02:54:57.000 Ate my meat.
02:54:58.000 Yeah, that's great.
02:54:59.000 Sounded wrong.
02:55:01.000 You're a real groupie.
02:55:02.000 Yeah, so Traeger has this new one.
02:55:05.000 The Timberline, that's it.
02:55:07.000 That's a good one.
02:55:07.000 The Timberline is their new one.
02:55:09.000 And this new one, you could see, it has this crazy convection oven cycling of the smoke.
02:55:16.000 Nice.
02:55:17.000 And the Traeger's got this really thick door.
02:55:20.000 My friend John Dudley has one of these.
02:55:24.000 I think there's some sort of a discount that you can get if you want to buy one with his, I don't know.
02:55:29.000 I have a gas grill, and you just don't get that...
02:55:33.000 Not the same.
02:55:33.000 It's not the same.
02:55:34.000 Not the same.
02:55:35.000 This is no gas.
02:55:36.000 This is just wood.
02:55:38.000 See, the pellets, there's no chemicals in it.
02:55:40.000 Oh, so there's no gas line or anything?
02:55:42.000 No, no, no, no.
02:55:43.000 It's just electricity heats up that heating element, and there's a fan that blows air on the wood chips while they're getting cooked, and then it's just smoke.
02:55:54.000 Smoke and heat that cooks the food.
02:55:56.000 Dude, I am...
02:55:57.000 I am sold.
02:55:58.000 There's another company, a really good company, called Green Mountain Grills.
02:56:01.000 They actually gave me a grill back in the day.
02:56:03.000 They were the first ones I'd ever tried.
02:56:04.000 Those are excellent, too, and you can get a good one that's not even too expensive.
02:56:09.000 Camp Chef has another really nice one, too.
02:56:11.000 So I'm not trying to tell anybody to buy anything, but I'm saying if you're thinking about getting a grill, I would look into one of these pellet grills.
02:56:17.000 Yeah, that's pretty badass.
02:56:18.000 Well, they're super easy to use, too.
02:56:20.000 You just pour the pellets into this hopper, and then you set the temperature.
02:56:24.000 How often do you have to refresh the pellets?
02:56:26.000 Dude, they're so economical.
02:56:30.000 They last a long time?
02:56:31.000 Because they keep the exact right temperature, or real close to it, within a few degrees up or down.
02:56:37.000 The hopper, I fill it up every four or five cooks.
02:56:40.000 And if that was charcoal, it would last for one cook.
02:56:44.000 That's what it looks like.
02:56:46.000 See those things?
02:56:46.000 Oh, yeah.
02:56:47.000 It looks like some sort of a brand cereal, right?
02:56:49.000 Doesn't it?
02:56:50.000 Yeah, it looks like gerbil food.
02:56:52.000 Yeah.
02:56:52.000 So what it is is just hardwood sawdust, and they just smush it.
02:56:57.000 And the natural sugars make it stick together.
02:56:59.000 Because you could break it up with your fingers.
02:57:01.000 Oh, you could?
02:57:01.000 Yeah, you break it up easy.
02:57:03.000 So you pour it into the hopper.
02:57:04.000 It grinds down.
02:57:05.000 See that worm drive below?
02:57:07.000 Yeah.
02:57:07.000 And it feeds down to that thing on the right, which is where the heating element is.
02:57:11.000 And so it just catches fire, and then the flames make smoke, and then it fills up that chamber, and the heat comes from the smoke.
02:57:18.000 So when you put an elk steak or something on there, Can you cook it, like, in just a couple minutes, or is everything just smoked slow?
02:57:26.000 No, it takes a long time.
02:57:26.000 The way I do it now, I've done it a bunch of different ways, and all of them are delicious.
02:57:30.000 Like, elk is my favorite meat.
02:57:31.000 It's a delicious, really healthy meat.
02:57:33.000 But my favorite way to do it now, because of this guy, Chad, Whiskey Bent Barbecue on Instagram, was my friend John Dudley's buddy, who's a world champion pitmaster.
02:57:45.000 Like, one of those bad motherfuckers.
02:57:47.000 Grill guys.
02:57:48.000 He says, don't ever cook meat above 275 degrees.
02:57:52.000 He says, when you're cooking, you should cook it slowly and don't allow the meat to dry out and use a meat thermometer.
02:57:57.000 So since I started doing that, I've been very happy with the results.
02:58:00.000 Right.
02:58:00.000 Because I get it to 130, 135 degrees, somewhere around there.
02:58:05.000 Then I pull it and then I reverse sear it.
02:58:07.000 The way I do it is on a frying pan.
02:58:09.000 I use butter in a frying pan with some garlic and I sear that shit out of it on each side real quick, like 30 seconds, 40 seconds.
02:58:15.000 So you bring it into the house?
02:58:16.000 Yeah.
02:58:16.000 Bring it to the house, then...
02:58:18.000 I get even crazier.
02:58:19.000 Then I wrap it up with aluminum foil, and I put it in a Yeti cooler, and I seal it up for 15 minutes.
02:58:25.000 Really?
02:58:25.000 Yeah, let it slowly keep cooking, because real slow, cool down.
02:58:29.000 And then I open it up, and I let it sit for another 10 minutes.
02:58:33.000 And then I slice into that bed.
02:58:35.000 So what should I do with the gas grill?
02:58:38.000 We'll talk.
02:58:39.000 We'll talk.
02:58:40.000 Throw that thing in the fucking, give it to homeless people.
02:58:43.000 Throw it in the LA River.
02:58:44.000 See?
02:58:45.000 This stuff is, when you can do something like that and you get good at it, right?
02:58:48.000 This is the bread thing.
02:58:49.000 It's like, you're in.
02:58:50.000 Yes.
02:58:51.000 Well, for me, I love cooking.
02:58:53.000 I've always loved cooking.
02:58:54.000 And it's not...
02:58:56.000 There's a little bit of a manly thing that I like more with cooking with lump charcoal over a charcoal grill.
02:59:01.000 The smell.
02:59:02.000 There's something very manly about the real fire thing.
02:59:05.000 It's primal.
02:59:06.000 But honestly, as far as taste and as far as ease of use and repeatability, it's hard to fuck with these pellet grills.
02:59:14.000 Yeah.
02:59:15.000 Because you're cooking with real wood fire.
02:59:17.000 Yeah.
02:59:17.000 It smells great.
02:59:18.000 It tastes great.
02:59:19.000 Like when you open the lid up, the smell of like maple and all the different, you know, you can buy a bunch of different like apple wood, all kinds of different cherry.
02:59:28.000 So great.
02:59:28.000 You can buy all kinds of different pellets.
02:59:30.000 I need a bigger yard.
02:59:31.000 They're not even that big, man.
02:59:33.000 No?
02:59:33.000 No.
02:59:34.000 And again, economical.
02:59:35.000 I know Green Mountain Grill.
02:59:37.000 Go to Green Mountain Grill.
02:59:38.000 They have a pretty small one that is only like a few hundred bucks.
02:59:42.000 And my mother-in-law has my old one.
02:59:45.000 It's great.
02:59:45.000 Yeah.
02:59:46.000 They're fucking great, man.
02:59:47.000 It still works.
02:59:47.000 I've had it for years.
02:59:49.000 Really?
02:59:49.000 Yeah.
02:59:50.000 And that one has a built-in thing.
02:59:52.000 It's called the Daniel Boone.
02:59:54.000 You know, one thing I took off of your Instagram was the eggs and just throwing the kale on top of it.
03:00:00.000 Oh, yeah.
03:00:02.000 I love that.
03:00:02.000 It's a lifesaver.
03:00:03.000 I mean, that's such a simple, great morning.
03:00:06.000 Oh, it's the best.
03:00:07.000 So easy.
03:00:07.000 What I do is I take some kale, I chop it up, and then I chop up some garlic, and usually I do jalapenos, too.
03:00:15.000 Then I get some butter cooking, I put the kale in the butter, I saute it, and once it really starts getting darker and it's ready to rock, I just crack a few eggs in there.
03:00:23.000 On top of it.
03:00:24.000 Mix it all up, put it on a plate, and it's fantastic.
03:00:27.000 You mix it up.
03:00:28.000 They look like they were sunny side up kind of.
03:00:30.000 Sometimes I do that too.
03:00:31.000 Yeah.
03:00:31.000 Sometimes I just put the kale right next to the eggs.
03:00:34.000 Right.
03:00:34.000 But sometimes I cook the eggs in the kale.
03:00:36.000 Yeah, I've just been throwing the kale on top of the eggs.
03:00:39.000 It's great too.
03:00:39.000 It's great too.
03:00:40.000 Great.
03:00:40.000 Yeah, great too.
03:00:41.000 So fast.
03:00:41.000 Yeah, super easy.
03:00:43.000 The best.
03:00:43.000 What's this one?
03:00:44.000 Have you tried one of these?
03:00:45.000 I have.
03:00:45.000 I like those.
03:00:46.000 Those are great.
03:00:47.000 Sous Vide.
03:00:48.000 I don't think I have that one.
03:00:51.000 I have another one like it.
03:00:52.000 What is that?
03:00:52.000 What you do is you vacuum seal your food in a plastic bag, and then you put it in a pot with water, and then the hot water, the thing will heat up the temperature of the water like 125 degrees.
03:01:05.000 My question would be, is the plastic leaching into your food?
03:01:10.000 They say it doesn't.
03:01:11.000 It's a good question, though.
03:01:13.000 But how do we...
03:01:14.000 I mean, you can't microwave plastic.
03:01:16.000 If it's a certain temperature, maybe the plastic needs to hit a certain temperature to melt.
03:01:21.000 Well, they say you should never drink bottles that have been in your car in a hot day in L.A. I was wondering about that recently.
03:01:26.000 I was just high and thinking about that.
03:01:28.000 Where did that story maybe come from?
03:01:30.000 Maybe the glass bottle water people are putting out false...
03:01:33.000 Is there a glass bottle water business?
03:01:35.000 Yeah, Perrier and all those are all glass bottles.
03:01:37.000 Voss.
03:01:38.000 Yeah.
03:01:39.000 There's a whole trend on it.
03:01:40.000 I think there's actual science behind it, though.
03:01:42.000 I was just wondering.
03:01:43.000 I didn't look for it.
03:01:44.000 Conspiracy.
03:01:44.000 You were high.
03:01:45.000 That's what you were saying.
03:01:47.000 Seuss Veed is good.
03:01:48.000 I have actually a blowtorch that I do with Seuss Veed.
03:01:52.000 Oh, yeah.
03:01:52.000 Yeah, so I do Seuss Veed, and then I cook the outside of it with a torch.
03:01:56.000 Yeah.
03:01:57.000 Because you get that brown on the outside.
03:01:59.000 I've done that.
03:02:00.000 But I don't prefer it.
03:02:02.000 I prefer the Traeger style Green Mountain Grill, Yoder Grill, those pellet grills.
03:02:07.000 Again, there's a bunch of different companies.
03:02:09.000 I'm not trying to endorse one.
03:02:11.000 I like Green Mountain Grill.
03:02:12.000 My friend John Dudley loves those Traegers.
03:02:14.000 But that new Traeger Timberline is pretty revolutionary.
03:02:18.000 And it's supposed to be amazing in its ability to insulate.
03:02:22.000 I think actually the best one, too, is another one called the Memphis.
03:02:25.000 Memphis Grill is supposed to be really good at that, too.
03:02:27.000 Someone told me if you have a gas grill, to put a cast-iron pan on it and do your steak that way.
03:02:35.000 Yeah, that's a good move.
03:02:36.000 Yeah.
03:02:37.000 Yeah, to get that seared flavor from a cast-iron pan.
03:02:40.000 And it's more even.
03:02:41.000 It gets a little more...
03:02:43.000 A lot of big time steak restaurants still use cast iron pans.
03:02:46.000 Cast iron's pretty badass.
03:02:49.000 You know you get iron from it, too?
03:02:50.000 Do you really?
03:02:50.000 You get dietary iron.
03:02:52.000 Oh, wow.
03:02:52.000 Yeah, which is crazy.
03:02:54.000 You don't really have to clean them.
03:02:55.000 It's actually supposed to be good for you.
03:02:57.000 It's good to cook even vegetables.
03:02:59.000 Cooking vegetables in an iron pan, you get a little bit of iron.
03:03:03.000 Oh, really?
03:03:03.000 Yeah.
03:03:04.000 That's good for my wife.
03:03:05.000 Is that true?
03:03:06.000 Make sure that's true.
03:03:06.000 She's a little low iron.
03:03:08.000 I feel like I might be lying.
03:03:09.000 No, I think you're right.
03:03:10.000 I've heard that.
03:03:12.000 Who cares?
03:03:13.000 I do so many podcasts.
03:03:14.000 There's so many things that I've said that are not true.
03:03:17.000 Of course.
03:03:17.000 I'm not trying to deceive you, folks.
03:03:20.000 We're doing our best.
03:03:21.000 I'm doing my best.
03:03:22.000 I am doing my best.
03:03:23.000 Tom Papa, where can these fine people see you perform your wonderful and magical stand-up comedy?
03:03:28.000 I'm going to do some shows in Oakmont, Pennsylvania, and a theater in Richfield, Connecticut, and Old Saybrook.
03:03:37.000 Go to TomPapa.com.
03:03:38.000 I've got a bunch of stuff in June and then starting up again in the fall.
03:03:42.000 TomPapa.com.
03:03:43.000 And my special's streaming on Hulu and Amazon.
03:03:46.000 TomPapa.com.
03:03:47.000 And follow my Instagram if you want bread tips.
03:03:50.000 How old is your special now?
03:03:51.000 It was about six months ago?
03:03:54.000 Five months ago?
03:03:54.000 Six months ago.
03:03:56.000 And when do you think you'll think about doing another one?
03:03:59.000 What kind of schedule are you on?
03:04:00.000 I feel like I could start lining it up because I've got about...
03:04:04.000 I've got about 35, 40 that's like really solid, filmable stuff.
03:04:10.000 Right.
03:04:11.000 And, you know, keep working at that pace by the time I set it up and go do it.
03:04:15.000 It'll be probably...
03:04:16.000 I did it last July is when I filmed it.
03:04:18.000 So we're coming up on a year.
03:04:21.000 And if I did it probably at like a year and a half...
03:04:24.000 To two years, it feels like...
03:04:26.000 Two years might be a little long, but it feels like a year and a half will be...
03:04:29.000 It'll be ready.
03:04:31.000 And I don't put the clock on it.
03:04:32.000 It's really like, when is it ready?
03:04:34.000 But if I'm already at that point, I feel like I should crank it out.
03:04:38.000 Yeah, I'm on the exact same schedule.
03:04:41.000 Yeah?
03:04:41.000 Yeah.
03:04:42.000 A lot of people I talk to have that same opinion.
03:04:44.000 It seems to be like, at a year and a half in, you start feeling, this is real.
03:04:48.000 This is ready to go.
03:04:49.000 Yeah, it takes time.
03:04:50.000 You know, and you want it to be...
03:04:52.000 I don't want to just eek...
03:04:54.000 Across the finish line.
03:04:56.000 You want it to be better than the last one.
03:04:58.000 Yeah, you want it to be representative of where you feel your stand-up is right now.
03:05:04.000 Exactly.
03:05:04.000 You have your great nights.
03:05:06.000 It's a matter of getting it so consistent that you get to the ball, like, this motherfucker's ready.
03:05:11.000 Right, exactly.
03:05:12.000 It's tight.
03:05:12.000 It's time to pull the bread out of the oven.
03:05:13.000 Right, exactly.
03:05:14.000 Get me some pellets.
03:05:16.000 And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, ooh!
03:05:19.000 Ah!
03:05:20.000 Hey!
03:05:21.000 That's the end.
03:05:21.000 Oh, and my podcast.
03:05:22.000 May I mention that?
03:05:23.000 Oh, that's right.
03:05:23.000 Become a Papa podcast.
03:05:25.000 I always forget to turn people on to that.
03:05:27.000 The best comics are the worst at self-promotion.
03:05:30.000 I know.
03:05:31.000 So that's a good thing, my friend.
03:05:32.000 Thank you.
03:05:32.000 So I'm getting worse.
03:05:33.000 Are you at the store this weekend?
03:05:34.000 Not this weekend.
03:05:35.000 I'll be there next week, though.
03:05:37.000 Okay.
03:05:37.000 Yeah.
03:05:37.000 I'll see you there next week.
03:05:38.000 Sounds good.
03:05:39.000 Tom Papa, ladies and gentlemen.
03:05:40.000 We'll be back next week.
03:05:42.000 Thank you, everybody.
03:05:43.000 Love you.
03:05:43.000 Bye.
03:05:43.000 My ears are hot.