#570 - Chelsea Handler
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 18 minutes
Words per Minute
222.12598
Summary
Chelsea Handler is a stand-up comedian, author, and TV host. She just released her seventh book, The Feeling, which is out now on Netflix. In this episode, Chelsea talks about how she got her start in comedy, how she became a star, and why she thinks she s better than most at what she does.
Transcript
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We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.
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Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.
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Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.
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And just from being a force in the comedy world.
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Her new special, The Feeling, is out now on Netflix.
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I'm grateful to spend time with today's guest, Chelsea Handler.
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So every time agents are scared of losing you, they show up.
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Because I just left UTA like six months ago for WME.
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I got after the Oscar parties on the morning after, I switched out of my heels into a pair
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I wanted to go to a guy's party and I wanted to dance.
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Doug, I feel like he's looking for a place to pee.
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He sent me a text and he's like, I have your shoes from last night.
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He's a great, uh, he's able to speak and think at the same time really well.
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So that's something that I really admire about him.
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I came on your show a couple times, uh, when you had Chelsea Lately show.
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So many comics were on my show that I don't even remember meeting.
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So many people came on my show and were interviewed by me that I don't remember.
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So when I run into these people, I always say, hi, it's nice to meet you.
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And they're like, you've, you've interviewed me like several times.
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Do you think, was it because were you drinking or was it just because you were, it was just
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No, I did typically didn't drink during my show.
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I mean, I'll drink when I'm performing on stage.
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Cause that's kind of nighttime, eight o'clock, you know, that I don't have a problem with.
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Not, not, not wasted, but have a cocktail before I go on.
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But during the daytime, it's kind of an unnecessary thing.
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And when you're shooting, when you're filming a show at three in the afternoon, really not
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I think, I can't remember if I even had a drink at that.
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I remember like some of the lines I said, I couldn't get them right.
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And I was like, I was like immensely nervous at that time.
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And, um, yeah, but you had so many comics on that was like the tonight show for a while
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It felt like did a lot of, um, I mean, Michael, yo, Chris Fran, Jola, I mean, Joe Coy, Joe
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Kevin Hart was on the round table before he blew up.
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Kevin was on the round table a bunch of times before he blew up.
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And then he was like, all right, I'm done with the round table.
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And I was like, who the fuck does this guy think he is?
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So I mean, and I hate to like just miss some people's names, Ross Matthews.
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I remember, or that's kind of what it, cause then he got a spinoff of his own show from
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I could never see him and not just feel better.
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He's like infectious, but yeah, I was so nervous.
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Cause I think also like they, you would come out and you didn't kind of, or I didn't know
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And so like, I didn't get to say hello or anything.
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And, um, yeah, that was, that was definitely tougher back then for me just to be in like those types of
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Did you ever have a talk show that you went on early where you were just like, or some
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sort of thing you went on where you're like, I can't handle this.
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Like, you know, remember when you, like I used to do Leno before I was like a correspondent
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I mean, I would like literally, I'm not even, I don't pray and I would pray every, I'd be
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Cause I don't want anyone to see me praying also.
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So I would get down on my knees and be like, please, please, please.
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Let's, I mean, I did that up until probably, I don't know, 10 years ago, five years ago
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until I finally, I'm solid in my footing enough to know I'm, I'm going to do a good job.
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When you do something for so long, you understand what the mechanics are.
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And even if it's a shitty situation, if you have a right attitude, it's going to be good.
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Like now I feel more confident in a lot of situations, some conversations I still get
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nervous in, but not like when I'm going on stage and stuff.
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Now I know I've just done it enough times where I can handle it.
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I remember being in like a really little audition room when I first went in and it was over
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I was like, and it was like kind of a little room, but it was like, and they, it was windows.
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So the late, the assistants over there, Matt's trying to open it.
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I had some rough ones early on with, with so many comedians who tried to get on your
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Was there a lot of lobbying that happened like behind the scenes?
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Like did comedian, like friends, like, or people try to like infiltrate your space.
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Do you feel like to try to get those positions?
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Cause that was such a coveted spot to be on Chelsea lately.
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It's like that, that we're, we're, those are the people like, you're not coming to
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It was more about the bookers probably were dealing with that.
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And other comedians would go to the bookers, but nobody really bothered me with that.
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But like, you know, this person wants to come on.
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I probably didn't give off the air that that would be that very, that, that welcome.
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You know, like I didn't want to deal with that shit.
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All we did was play practical jokes on each other all day.
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It was one of the most unprofessional environments I've ever been a part of.
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So anything that would slightly annoy me at that time, I had very little tolerance for.
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So nobody would be jockeying with me because I hated that.
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Like when I'd put up my standup dates, I'd be like, okay, I'm doing a tour for this book
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And I'd put it up on the wall and all the comics that worked on Chelsea lately, the writers
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would have first, they could decide if they wanted to open for me, you know, and they'd
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And when that happened and they would go at it and jockey for that, like I would, I had
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I don't like when people are like, no, I want to do this one.
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So like, I think everyone knew not to fuck around with that.
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I don't like when people are acting like that gamesmanship, you know?
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You pick up on it probably pretty quick, I would guess.
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Like I'm not, I'm, that's not of an interest of mine.
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So, uh, yeah, but people would come on if they didn't do well, they'd get a second chance.
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And then, you know, there's nothing you can do.
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And people were really nervous and there's nothing I can do about that either.
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You know, like you're either going to sink or swim.
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So you're, you have to kind of, when you're in that situation and you're running a show
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and it's your name on it, you kind of just have to, you have to understand some people,
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if you felt bad for every single person who didn't do well, you're not succeeding either.
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Um, the feeling, I watched some of the feeling.
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I love like, what's one of the lines you had early in it?
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It was like, um, even at seven, I was looking for a bar.
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I think that's one of the lines you have in it.
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It seemed like you were born, like I could relate to it so much.
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Like, like immediately, even though in the, some of the stories you start telling,
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uh, in the new special, it's like, you are a adult.
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I was pissed and I was a woman and I felt like I was trapped in a little baby's body with it.
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That was chubby and being tossed around like some sort of party favor.
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I realized right away that my family was not going to cut it.
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I'm like, where are these fucking kids coming from?
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I wanted to be, I wanted to head up a union and I just couldn't believe the, the, the lack
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And my dad seemed like he was a bit of a hot mess.
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And I just was like, this family is not up to stuff.
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Like I just felt like I was born into a place where like, it was almost like I was born
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into like a, a, a job, like a job position that I didn't apply for.
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And there was no like clear rules of employment on the wall.
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You didn't exactly know who was in charge, but you had to be at work every day.
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So when you were talking about that, um, some of the early stories you're talking about,
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My dad was also like, I had such a mouth on me from such a young age because I really
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I wanted to, I was like, when am I, when do I get to get out of here?
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Like I wanted to start a business and my dad couldn't understand.
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He was like, what, what, who is this little cunt?
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And I mean, and he tried everything to like bring me down, you know?
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So we would, but not bring me down, but keep me in my place.
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And meanwhile, my dad was all of those things, loud, abrasive.
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But so we didn't, we did not see eye to eye for a very long time.
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Was there, um, was there moments when you were a kid that you actually did feel like
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Like, cause I always felt kind of like wet cement.
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I felt like I was always having to manage myself.
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There was so much going on, like on the inside and outside.
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I never felt like super reliable in my own footing and stuff.
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But when you look back on your life, were there moments where you actually felt like,
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okay, I was just kind of a kid there, you know, as opposed to being like the,
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like, um, somebody who had to be on top of everything.
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I, I had all those kid experiences, but there was always a sense of when you're the youngest
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of six children, how many kids do you have in your family?
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I mean, it was just, our family was just weird, but, but yeah, I knew you were the last
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And when you're the last one, you are, you absorb, first of all, you grow up in two seconds
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because everyone else is fucking and smoking weed and you're hearing conversations that
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Like I, you know, I knew about anal sex when I was like six, I was like, God, I can't wait
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You know, like you're, you're just mature in different ways.
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And you know, not that anal is a sign of maturity, but you know, it's one sign of just knowing
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But, um, I, I definitely had childlike experiences for sure.
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And I had, my brothers and sisters were all pretty tight.
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So they kind of did raise me and they kind of brought me along with them to many like
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I, and even when I dated guys in high school, like it was illegal, the men that I was dating,
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you know, they were in their twenties and I was a teenager.
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Like I could totally put them in jail for statutory rape, except I seduced all of them.
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These men should never have been with a girl that age.
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I'm like, you don't understand what I was like when I was fucking 16.
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Um, do you, what was like a first date that you remember?
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Do you remember going on like a first date with somebody?
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I was, my parents had a summer house at Martha's Vineyard.
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That makes it sound like we were really wealthy.
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So I'm not even sure how, you know, how he got that house, but he got it.
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And, and he, my sister and I went, oh, there was this guy.
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That's what was so interesting about the whole thing.
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So he was at this hotel in Martha's Vineyard and I would go there.
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I was like, uh, probably 10, but passing is like 15, 16.
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And I would go to this hotel pool and just like cruise, you know, for guys like at 10 years
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I was like, I got to find a boyfriend, you know, and who are these other people that are
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And I was, you know, flirting with him and, oh no, I, maybe I was, maybe I was 11, maybe
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I probably wasn't 10, but I was young, young, too young to be on a date probably.
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And I went on a date with him and a very, you know, like, uh, innocent date.
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Like there was a lot of kids hanging around at night.
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So I'm sure we were just like walking through main street or something.
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Something pretty, yeah, something pretty innocent.
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And then he kissed me when I came back, he kissed me and he put his tongue in my mouth
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My older sister, Simone picked me up at the Harborview hotel and I got in the car and I'm
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I can't believe some man just put his tongue in my mouth.
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And she's like, everyone thinks that the first time, like, you're going to like that
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And she's like, you're not going to like what that entails either.
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Like, if you didn't like a tongue in your mouth, you're certainly not going to like
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I do like men and I've continued to like them since that time.
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You know, like I started having boyfriends when I was 13, 14 years old, having sex like
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And then I just went off the rails pretty much.
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My teenage years were like pregnant, stuff like that.
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It seems like a pretty, you know, a lot for like a younger person.
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But did they, and how do you, what do you do back then if you're pregnant or you get
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Like Cider House rule style or what did you do?
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I had a couple of abortions with the same boyfriend each time.
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The first time I got pregnant, I'm like, this is great.
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Meanwhile, he ended up going to prison for 10 years for being a drug dealer.
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And then like after that period of time, I was just, I was rebellious.
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And so I just did anything I could to piss my parents off, especially my father.
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Do you, you said earlier that maybe you felt like, like, do you feel like you turned into
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I'm very generous with money, with anything I have.
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But he wasn't morally bound to like being a good guy.
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He was just a little, but he was also, you know, he was a family man.
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There was neglect, but it wasn't like I felt unloved.
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I just was very upset, A, that my brother died.
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So it was like two men in a row that just like ditched me.
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And then after that, I just, I just was filled with anger and I didn't have any outlet.
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But my brothers and sisters and my mother always knew I would be okay.
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Like my mom's like just, my dad's name was Seymour.
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And she's like, Seymour, he'd be like, something's wrong with her.
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She's trapped in this little kid body and she's like an adult.
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And my dad's like, but I don't, he couldn't relate, you know?
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And my mom would be like, she's going to be fine.
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Like, you know, she's going to grow up and shake it out.
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And, uh, and then once I started becoming successful and really turned my, like, you
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As soon as I left my family, I drove across country when I was 19.
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I took, this is, well, this is a great story in my, I picked up this guy.
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This is actually in my book, which I just found out is number one on the New York Times bestseller
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So I know I can't, I didn't even go to college.
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So, but that just shows you, you know, what you can accomplish if you really fucking focus
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My brother Glenn said, Hey, I was driving across country.
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I had gone to two semesters at community college.
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So my brother Glenn called me and said, I met a guy at a bar last night and he's going
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to drive with you across country since you're 19 and you're alone.
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And my dad had given me one of his used Audi Quattros and he said, you shouldn't be driving
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And I was like, okay, that's, that sounds reasonable.
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And I was like, oh, I'm like, Harlem sounds fun.
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A like I was never allowed to go to Harlem growing up.
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You know, I go in the city, I'd go to like clubs in the limelight.
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That was supposed to be really dangerous, but of course I wanted to go to Harlem.
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So I was like, okay, I wasn't really into cocaine at the time.
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I've definitely dabbled in cocaine, but at that time in my life, I was too young.
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I dropped this guy off from outside some crack house.
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This is my first night driving across country pit stop in Harlem.
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He comes out with a bag of cocaine that I've only seen like in movies.
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Like the amount of cocaine was like something you saw in Scarface.
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And then he just starts doing the cocaine while we're driving.
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You know, there's three highways you can take across country.
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So that's the lowest, the most southerly route.
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So we're driving along and this guy's doing lots of cocaine off of his keys, credit card.
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No, I'm driving and he's in the passenger seat.
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And, you know, keep in mind the amount of cocaine.
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But we, he starts talking and doesn't stop talking.
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And I, and we're five hours into this three-day road trip.
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And then we're in Maryland and we're driving through, I think, D.C.
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And there was all this construction and we get to Maryland.
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It was, this was before navigation and all that shit, right?
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It was like the year before all of that came out.
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Yeah, when everybody was like, they were going to war or whatever.
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It's like, how many maps do you need to follow one highway across the country?
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Like this fucking eight ball Magellan over here.
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And then I was like, and he was like pointing out national parks that we could go to.
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And I was like, hey, listen, Miracle Ear, we're not fucking on vacation.
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I'm trying to get to California to become a celebrity.
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I don't have time for your fucking Yellowstone National Park.
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And he didn't, it's like anything I said he couldn't hear because he was so coked up.
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His bag was still in the car because he didn't even bring it in beside because he wasn't going
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I took his suitcase out of my car, put it down in the parking lot and got in the car and
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drove away and drove across country by myself and left him in Maryland.
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And the next thing I heard was that he had to take a taxi from Maryland to New Jersey for
00:23:22.960
And, um, and then of course I called my brother to thank him for his great judgment and for
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To set somebody up with somebody like that, that's all geeked out.
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Dude, I would have been fucking eating my own teeth, man.
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So it's really annoying to be around someone who's on cocaine when you're not on cocaine.
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And then in Amarillo, Texas, I got pulled over by a state trooper who had a German shepherd
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And the dog went absolutely batshit as soon as he came close to my trunk.
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So the dog was jumping around fucking going crazy.
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I'm sure I'm going to go to fucking Texas state prison because of this wombat that I just
00:24:05.520
They didn't find any cocaine, but it was very suspicious.
00:24:08.080
Like I'm sitting there on the freeway and trucks are whizzing past me.
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And I'm like, and the cop's like, stand 20 feet away from the car.
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And he's got one of those big state trooper hats on.
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But it was a, it was a great example of knowing to get rid of dead weight.
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I ended up driving the taxi where I was so high.
00:24:52.060
I saw Andy Cohen in the bathroom in the morning.
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I was going on Opie and it wasn't Opie and Jim, Opie and Jim Norton the next morning.
00:25:07.540
And I get in there and the other guest on the show that day was Daryl Strawberry, who
00:25:18.400
And I remember I was in the bathroom there peeing.
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Lenny Dykstra, Daryl Strawberry, Mookie Wilson, all of those guys.
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I was playing third base for my own brain right there.
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I can't believe that athletes would do cocaine and then be athletic.
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Like talk about a recipe for a fucking heart attack.
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How do you run for balls when you're on cocaine?
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I think if you practice doing it some, I think you would get good at it.
00:26:04.020
Well, it's the sporadicness of not practicing and then just doing it willy nilly.
00:26:08.480
Like some guy who's playing for like his like refrigeration volley, you know, softball team.
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I love microdosing LSD to put some fucking pep in your step.
00:26:29.180
Like if you're really, really struggling and you're having like your schedule's crazy and insane, LSD is the thing.
00:26:46.020
I have a house in Whistler and drugs are legal there.
00:26:48.100
And they're it's like you don't have to worry about any fucked up shit in Canada.
00:26:51.920
My friends who make that like who put who I get that are doctors.
00:27:00.120
Like they get MDMA and they'll put in capsules and you'll get a microdose of like 50 milligrams of MDMA, which is awesome because that's like just being in a good mood.
00:27:17.460
Just an upper like a pick me up, you know, you're not hallucinating, but you're just like up like a kind of like a psilocybin like microdose.
00:27:25.020
So I find that stuff to be very helpful and aiding with my schedule.
00:27:32.400
It's pretty much a ton of travel, a ton of talking and a ton of kind of expending energy.
00:27:46.300
You don't realize like I would do meet and greets after shows for like years, just go out there for just and just do them.
00:27:51.340
And it just like I had like a breakdown a couple of years ago.
00:28:00.240
I was like, oh, you're just not working hard enough.
00:28:01.760
But I didn't realize that I just burned myself to like the end of the bowl.
00:28:08.080
Did you ever have a time where you got pretty burnt out?
00:28:10.460
I mean, you've had a pretty – I mean, you've had an insane schedule for probably 25 years except for when you've taken breaks.
00:28:15.760
I took a six-year break after Chelsea Lately and after – like I didn't do stand-up for six years.
00:28:24.740
But I was – I just went so hard, you know, at both ends.
00:28:32.900
And I loved the idea that I had this amount of energy.
00:28:35.360
I loved when people were like, how the fuck does she fly in Monday morning, tape four shows, and then go do five shows in a weekend?
00:28:43.500
Like I got addicted to like the fact that I was that strong of a horse.
00:28:49.160
And then I went – as I left Chelsea Lately, I was like – I was so over just working.
00:29:04.320
So that was kind of a break because that was a lighter schedule.
00:29:08.340
And then that show never really – like I went back to work before I was ready to go back to work.
00:29:12.220
So that show never really felt like I was in my right, you know, zone, like in my flow state.
00:29:18.920
So that show was like an example of don't just fucking work because someone's offering you a job.
00:29:26.160
You got to have your ducks in a row and understand when you need time off, when you don't.
00:29:30.260
And without the time off, there is no creativity.
00:29:32.740
I need the time off to be able to like have something to fucking say.
00:29:35.840
So now since I've been back to stand-up after that six-year break, this will be my probably fourth, third special in like four years.
00:29:45.660
I'm back into it because I do have something to say now, you know.
00:29:48.980
But it's important like when you are creative and you are like sharing for a living, like talking, you know, sometimes you're out of fucking gas.
00:30:01.340
That's been a tough thing to learn because especially when you're so self-motivated and you've done –
00:30:10.020
It's really hard to start to use the breaks, you know, and use them to your own advantage.
00:30:15.780
Also, you're so – you want to grab everything when you can grab it, you know.
00:30:22.180
This is a – I'm going to be even more successful.
00:30:30.720
You have to like – it takes a while to get to know what you're capable of and what you're not
00:30:34.600
and what's going to like deplete your energy because, you know, when you're pissed
00:30:38.260
and you're burnt out, you're no good, you know, to anybody, especially yourself.
00:30:44.200
So it's hard when we're in this business because it's like you can feel like feast or famine.
00:30:49.100
You can be like, oh, my God, I'm getting all these opportunities.
00:30:51.340
And I've certainly had times in my life where I wasn't getting a lot of opportunities.
00:30:56.600
And it's like, well, because your attitude sucks, you know,
00:30:59.280
because you didn't take good care of yourself and now you're pissed and now you're bitter.
00:31:02.000
You got to get back to being happy and magnetic and, like, attracting good stuff.
00:31:08.080
So it really is about, like, adjusting your attitude, being grateful.
00:31:13.900
As corny as that can seem to certain people, you have to be grateful at the opportunities
00:31:21.640
Like, you know, like you're not going to knock me down.
00:31:26.480
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You've had a good experience with drugs over the years, you know?
00:35:15.620
I mean, you've talked about drinking over the years.
00:35:30.700
Jane Fonda, this is a story I write about in my book, which is Jane Fonda once called me
00:35:35.220
over to her house and I had been to her birthday party and I was out of my mind.
00:35:46.620
And she had given me the cold shoulder for a couple of months and she summoned me to
00:35:52.420
my house, her house, basically said, I want to have dinner with you.
00:35:58.400
This seems a little stern, this email, but it's Jane Fonda, who I respect.
00:36:04.480
And I went to her house and she basically read me and was like, you were terrible at my party.
00:36:10.020
People were like, not happy about what you said to them and you were dark and moody.
00:36:16.800
And why would you ever come out when you were in that kind of headspace?
00:36:20.180
And I was like, like, I was like, fuck, shit, fuck, shit.
00:36:29.580
But at the same time, I was also so grateful that she fucking took the time to be honest
00:36:36.840
Most people don't go out of their way to have a difficult conversation with someone and
00:36:41.840
Like, to me, that was an example of sisterhood, you know?
00:36:47.220
And when I was writing my book, it was like one of the tentpoles of my book is like, I
00:36:54.540
want all women to be fucking sisters to each other, you know?
00:36:57.900
It's like, this book is for girls and daughters and girlfriends and mothers, you know?
00:37:01.980
Like, to remind each other, like, you got to tell people the truth, you know?
00:37:07.820
If someone's going through a bad time and they're close to you and they're important
00:37:10.420
to you, and even for me as a woman, it doesn't matter if they're close to me.
00:37:13.820
It matters that I'm a woman, you're a woman, I've got your back, I'm going to tell you
00:37:18.820
So for her to do that and I kind of, like, modeled that to me, that conversation, and
00:37:26.560
I was like, that's the kind of woman I'm going to be.
00:37:31.020
Like, I'm going to tell people the truth, you know?
00:37:34.600
Obviously, now we're many years beyond that, and she and I are still friends, and she knows
00:37:39.200
about the book because she had to sign off on it.
00:37:41.640
But, yeah, like, I liked it, and I'm glad I had enough wherewithal when she was telling
00:37:48.720
me about my bad behavior that I wasn't defensive.
00:37:53.680
I wasn't like, woo, woo, woo, woo, it was this person or blame.
00:37:56.460
I just took it on and said, you're absolutely right.
00:38:02.360
So that was the closest thing to an intervention, but I've definitely overused drugs and alcohol
00:38:10.860
You know, you got to sometimes, I don't ever want to have to give anything up.
00:38:19.040
You know, if there's ever been an issue, I always am like, okay, take a month off of
00:38:23.760
this, get grounded again, and, you know, don't smoke cigarettes, don't smoke pot, don't drink,
00:38:32.560
Did, um, did you, what was the first concert that you ever went to?
00:38:39.440
God, dude, my first song I ever heard, a lady took me to YMCA summer camp, right?
00:38:46.100
I don't remember if she had breasts or not, but I think she did, right?
00:38:55.240
And I'll say this, we got in the car and I'd never had a woman drive me somewhere before.
00:39:00.660
Like, I think I remember it so deeply because it was like my first time going somewhere with
00:39:06.480
And what do you mean you've never had a girl drive you?
00:39:25.020
I was like nine or 11 and she leaned over and she put my seatbelt on me and I was like,
00:39:31.240
And it was like, I think, you know, I think when you're a kid like that and she played,
00:39:45.920
I've never been to Bon Jovi, but I just remember.
00:39:48.400
John Bon Jovi inducted me into the Jersey Hall of Fame.
00:40:01.260
But his face when he was younger, I mean, he's still pretty hot, but his face when he
00:40:11.140
Um, when, when I went to his concert, I mean, I was like 16 years old.
00:40:33.300
Um, what is, um, are you still dating a lot of brothers?
00:40:39.820
Um, am I still, no, I haven't, I haven't had a brother or boyfriend.
00:40:48.600
It doesn't matter if they're black or brown or white or gray.
00:40:56.980
That's pretty much the only thing area I haven't delved into.
00:41:06.860
Yeah, we were trying to figure out your poster for your Netflix special and Joe Coy and I
00:41:16.700
I thought I'd remembered it before, but I forgot about it recently, but thank you for that.
00:41:21.280
And you said, this is the one because you want people to notice it and think about it.
00:41:25.100
And you were, that's the one I ended up choosing.
00:41:28.240
But that's, and that's probably the same thing.
00:41:37.940
We don't talk all the time, but he has, he's just always supportive.
00:41:44.760
He's so full of supportive and Filipinos are like that.
00:41:47.620
I'm not trying to generalize Filipinos, but first of all, Filipinos are some of the last
00:41:51.720
people that most people see when they're dying, right?
00:41:56.100
So a lot of times the last person you'll see when you die is a Filipino.
00:42:01.600
You'll have like, some people might be racist, but then they're just, just gleaming into
00:42:06.140
the eyes of a warm Filipino as they cross over.
00:42:08.660
Filipinos are very good at caretaking and our hospitals are filled with them.
00:42:14.500
But Joe Coy, you typically isn't the last person you see when you die.
00:42:18.760
I don't want people to think that it's only Joe Coy.
00:42:21.220
There are other Filipinos out there that you will run into.
00:42:29.680
A lot of Filipinos too have good names like Sonny or Grace.
00:42:33.700
You know, they even get like a very happy American like branch of their name.
00:42:41.320
I think if God is willing to let me do it again or whatever, I would like to do Filipino.
00:42:47.780
What about, do you like, what is it about the food?
00:42:52.500
I think the sheer, just living, just like looking at a living fucking Easter every time
00:42:59.460
They're just, they're just like, it's just like, they're just seem so good on the inside.
00:43:05.020
And then Mexican, I just think I'm ready for it.
00:43:15.140
I'm going to let it kind of pan out a little more.
00:43:17.080
And then I would get over there and do that for sure.
00:43:19.240
If they would have me, I think you almost have to like apply like.
00:43:25.360
Cat Williams is like, let's, we're a little bit particular about, you know, not particular,
00:43:29.940
but don't just come over here without kind of talking to us about it first.
00:43:43.100
After having dated black men, what, what suggestions would you offer to white men?
00:43:49.240
Is there any way to like correlate any of that?
00:43:52.020
Black men in general, and this is a generalization, seem to appreciate women like me more than white men.
00:44:02.640
There seems to be a disconnect between strong, powerful white men and strong, powerful white women.
00:44:09.200
There feels like I'm a lot, I'm a lot of woman.
00:44:15.040
And that, for some reason, threatens a lot of men.
00:44:17.520
There's a certain type of men that don't like that.
00:44:19.500
They think I'm too loud or I'm too brass or, but I'm just acting like a man.
00:44:27.340
And it's similar to what a man would do and which would be fine.
00:44:31.460
And there's something about black men that like that.
00:44:35.500
And they're turned on by my outrageousness or the fact that I don't give a fuck or that I want, you know, that I'll say the thing.
00:44:45.720
There's definitely like a cultural thing where black men, it kind of, it feels like they appreciate that kind of thing more.
00:44:55.120
As a woman, you want to be desired and you want men who want to have sex with you and are like turned on by your strength, not emasculated by your strength.
00:45:04.860
You know, like my, my strengths shouldn't make you feel weak.
00:45:13.920
Like I want men to feel strong around me, not weak.
00:45:19.820
Yeah, look, I'm, look how strong, I have a strong woman.
00:45:22.760
That means I'm a strong man, that I'm confident that I have my ego in check.
00:45:26.800
But there's a lot of men that think they want a woman like that is outspoken and sure of herself and successful.
00:45:33.480
But then when it comes down to it, they have a lot of hard, they have a hard time with it.
00:45:37.580
Because I think in my experience with men, when they realize that you don't need really anything from, like I don't need your money.
00:45:52.580
Yeah, I don't want to pretend I like something you got me.
00:45:54.500
Yeah, I'm not interested in like that kind of showiness.
00:45:57.600
I don't need, I don't really need anything except I want a decent, honest, good man who's not, doesn't have a huge ego that can deal with the fact that I'm going to be in the public eye and that I'm going to get attention.
00:46:12.240
So a lot of men think that they're down for that.
00:46:16.280
And then when it comes down to it, they're not down.
00:46:27.280
You know, next couple of years I got to get fucking married because.
00:46:38.080
Just I think as when people are like, what are you still doing?
00:46:47.120
Well, you have neat things that have happened in your life, even if it's just like a nice day or something.
00:46:50.840
And then at the end of the day, it's just you again.
00:46:54.640
But some of you it's like, oh, well, this would be cool if I had somebody to share it with.
00:47:03.500
The second thing is, is, yeah, it's like, do I want to have children?
00:47:06.980
And then if I do, why do I want to have children?
00:47:11.580
That's the best question is, yeah, why do I want to?
00:47:14.000
I think I fear sometimes like maybe I would be missing out on some like another.
00:47:21.100
Almost like a not a drug trip in a way, but another level, a bit of another level, maybe.
00:47:27.140
But also like I have a big imagination and I got a couple of fucking levels going on here.
00:47:33.160
I feel like, you know, there's times I feel like a kid and an adult at the same time.
00:47:35.720
So it's like, you know, maybe I got enough of that and being an uncle is fine.
00:47:40.940
But those are kind of some things that I think about it.
00:47:42.720
And then, yeah, if I could take care of and help provide for kids in a healthy way and give kids a good life, then do I owe that to society?
00:47:54.000
Do I owe that to myself or do I owe that to them?
00:47:56.200
You know, and that's stuff that I think about, I think.
00:48:00.200
Yeah, that reminds me of like I had this conversation with someone the other night.
00:48:12.260
I just had this PICC line in my arm where I had to get these like 24 hour infusion.
00:48:16.140
Every 24 hours I had to get an infusion in my arm.
00:48:18.500
And I had this Filipino nurse, male nurse who was coming to my house to give me these injections.
00:48:23.960
And so I was in kind of a bad, bad shape for Rocky or something like that.
00:48:29.500
No, I don't know if his name was Rocky, but he said he said to me and on our last visit, he said, hey, I just want to let you know, you seem like a really joyful, energetic person.
00:48:41.880
And I almost had a near death experience as well.
00:48:45.780
I didn't even know that I had had a near death experience.
00:48:48.840
I had to get surgery on my shoulder for this like staph infection or something that I had.
00:48:52.340
And I didn't consider it a near death experience.
00:48:55.900
But he said, I almost had a near death experience, too.
00:49:01.800
And I don't like when people say stuff like almost in a car accident.
00:49:16.520
So he said these two cars were like coming close to each other and they were like careening towards each other and that they were going to hit.
00:49:24.040
And he at the last minute, the cars just by an act of God or providence, the cars split open and they both moved in different directions.
00:49:35.740
And I'm like, so, again, you were not in a car accident.
00:49:37.860
But he said, because of that moment, I started to believe in divine intervention and I found Jesus.
00:49:53.680
And he said, and I feel like I never experienced – there was a level of joy that I had never experienced before I found Jesus.
00:50:02.060
And to me, it seems to me like you would appreciate that level of joy.
00:50:08.340
And it took me a minute to realize I was being pitched, you know, in my house about religion.
00:50:13.060
And then I had to tell him like, oh, oh, oh, I just want you to know I have already accepted that the level of joy associated with finding Jesus is something I will never experience.
00:50:34.240
So – but that's in relation to you talking about children and knowing that there might be a feeling you might not experience without having them, which is something I deal with all the time because I don't have children and people like to go at me for that.
00:50:53.100
But it's definitely something that I've learned to accept.
00:50:55.720
Like when you say that, I've also accepted, yes, I won't know that joy.
00:50:59.360
There are other joys that I've experienced, but I will not know the joy of being a mother.
00:51:03.780
So I can relate to what you're saying about the thought of thinking about that joy.
00:51:10.820
And then it's like, yeah, like a lot of my life is always about me.
00:51:14.260
I think with comedians, you get like that, you know.
00:51:16.400
That's why you end up in comedy because you're kind of the boss and the employee, you know.
00:51:19.940
You're going on stage with a microphone alone so no one else can talk except for you.
00:51:27.160
And no one else is responsible for it except for you.
00:51:29.040
It's like I don't want – I want to be responsible for myself.
00:51:33.340
I just – I never could – you know, I think it goes back to just that being in a place where it was like, what am I doing here?
00:51:45.440
This family didn't even make any fucking sense.
00:51:51.340
But I had to – it was like – so I never wanted anything to have any like jurisdiction over me except for me, right?
00:51:59.220
But then sometimes for me like it starts to be like, well, how much of that is like old stuff that I had and how much of – which has served me well because it helps me be self-motivated.
00:52:08.160
But it's been hard for me to like work with others and so that's been like a learning curve.
00:52:11.960
But yeah, at a certain point, does that kind of hinder me?
00:52:13.940
Or has – have I gotten other neat joys out of the world like getting to experience like people coming out to a big show or something like that and maybe those are the joys that I'll get instead of having a family.
00:52:26.660
And just trying to gauge like could I do it – do I think I would do it well and being honest with yourself.
00:52:31.700
It's interesting to talk about not having a boss because that's my whole career too.
00:52:37.700
I don't really appreciate being told what to do by anyone.
00:52:40.700
You know, I'm also not interested in the feedback.
00:52:42.740
It's like if it's not working for you, that's fine.
00:52:45.600
You don't have to pay attention to what I'm doing.
00:52:49.660
So – but it's interesting when you say that because it is true.
00:52:53.080
When you are in this business and you are a comedian, like if I hadn't taken the path of becoming a stand-up comedian, everything starts to be created around you rather than you being placed in a role and you're a person in a cast.
00:53:03.840
You become the epicenter of all the stories, you know, whether it's your podcast, you're writing books or you're doing stand-up or any of these things.
00:53:10.800
It's like you're a one-man show and I think there's a lot of power in that and it's nice to be able to also do the other thing and work with other people and play nicely.
00:53:20.040
But it's much more attractive to be your own decision maker, you know.
00:53:25.760
It's much more attractive to be your own entity, I think.
00:53:30.000
Well, comedy was something that was pure to me.
00:53:31.560
There was a lot I think I didn't trust in the world, I didn't trust this, I didn't know about any of that.
00:53:35.120
But if comedy, if you could fucking put an arrow through sometimes and get people to laugh, even people that didn't like you, if they were angry, people that fucking – they might have been your parents and fucking hated you.
00:53:44.360
But if you could fucking snipe them with an arrow just to get them, even in all their discomfort or whatever, to get them to fucking laugh, it felt like, oh, that's the only thing that's – to me it just felt so real.
00:53:57.140
Like, and nobody could cheat it, nobody's dad could put them on stage and say, oh, I'm famous, my son is going to be great.
00:54:03.680
You know, it was like there wasn't any nepotism in it.
00:54:07.740
I'm not trying to, like, get into any Debbie Downership, but, yeah, I don't know.
00:54:11.220
That's kind of why I think I ended up in this place.
00:54:14.200
Like, you know, as your career grows and evolves and, like, you're 44, you've been doing this for, what, 20 years, more?
00:54:21.740
Yeah, like things change over time and then you start to realize, okay, there's another itch I want to scratch.
00:54:35.820
It's so funny we have two dogs in here today, both chows.
00:54:38.820
I used to live with a chow in Arizona for a bit.
00:54:40.780
It's so funny that, yeah, that the – what color was that other chow?
00:54:46.820
It was a guy who was already living in the room when I got there.
00:54:55.100
They said when I got this chow, they're like – I called the chow rescue.
00:54:57.860
One of my dogs was going downhill, so I was like, it's time to regroup and, you know, buckle up so that when this dog dies, I have a new dog.
00:55:10.360
Yeah, that's a chow main, I think it's called or something.
00:55:29.600
Do you think – oh, this is one more question I had about like how comedians feel and stuff.
00:55:32.920
Do you think like it's hard for comedians to be like – like accept – like I have a tough time sometimes accepting compliments from people.
00:55:43.980
Do you have any insight like on what that kind of is or have you –
00:55:48.000
I think comedians are really insecure by nature.
00:55:52.260
So why else would we have to get on stage with microphones, you know, alone?
00:55:57.480
Most people who are secure don't feel the need.
00:55:59.800
So I think we're insecure by nature and it's a – I think it's our job to kind of hone that insecurity into something more dynamic, right?
00:56:10.120
So I think when it's – when you're insecure like that, you're uncomfortable with any sort of adulation.
00:56:14.920
You want it but you don't necessarily want to hear it to your face.
00:56:21.380
Like I'd rather that than someone tell me how much it meant to them.
00:56:27.160
I get slightly uncomfortable when I get too much adulation in person.
00:56:32.040
Like thank you so much and I want to be sincere and present but I also sometimes check out.
00:56:36.840
But it doesn't make any sense because that's what we're all here for is adulation.
00:56:41.920
So I think I just – now I have this thing where like it's not about you.
00:56:48.980
It's about giving time to the person whose life that you impacted who has something nice to say to you because think about how hard it is for that person to come – like I would never come up to a celebrity and be like, I saw you in whatever movie and you changed my life.
00:57:05.000
So when you think about what it takes for someone to say those things to you when they're not creepy and they're not weird and they're not like, you know, threatening in any way.
00:57:18.000
And so I think about it that way so that I'm a little bit more gracious than, you know.
00:57:22.160
Yeah, then just being still stuck in yourself even if you're getting adulation, it's still about, well, how do I feel about adulation?
00:57:28.640
It's almost like an ego trap in a weird way kind of like – because even though I'm getting it, like it's like it's nice to get adulation from somebody or somebody saying thank you or something.
00:57:36.780
And then I'm wondering, oh, well, it makes me feel like – like at that point, who gives a fuck really how it makes you feel kind of?
00:57:41.800
Like, yeah, you can have your boundaries and stuff.
00:57:44.660
But imagine, yeah, if you – somebody must really care if they went over to say something or they wanted to share that.
00:57:50.740
Yeah, and it's really not – yeah, you have to like – I feel like there's a responsibility once you become a public person, you know.
00:57:57.360
Like I love the stuff that Chapel Roan is saying about like leave me alone.
00:58:03.060
You don't have – I mean, and if it bothers you, it bothers you.
00:58:05.160
I don't give a shit, you know, if people come up to me in a restaurant.
00:58:07.720
I give a shit if people come up to me when I'm at – I give a shit if someone waves – they're rude and they wave over like come over here.
00:58:14.120
Like when I'm sitting out down to dinner with friends or family in some fucking jackass, it's like, hey, Chelsea, come over here.
00:58:26.020
But when people are really sweet about it, yeah, like I do feel a sense of responsibility.
00:58:31.400
Also to be – I want people to feel good after they see me, you know what I mean?
00:58:38.260
I totally get what you're saying, but I think it's not a struggle so much as a let them say their piece and let them say something nice.
00:58:53.420
Yeah, no, it's just a good – it's a good reminder.
00:58:56.840
So the feeling, your special, it's like – I only watched like 32 minutes of it, but what is the feeling kind of like – or do I have to wait to the end to get – to know what it is?
00:59:07.860
Well, if you didn't see what the feeling was, then you didn't see the whole –
00:59:10.380
Oh, the feeling is about – I mean a lot of the feeling is – that I've seen so far seems to be feminal masturbation.
00:59:24.720
We used to call it the feeling when we would rub up against like swing set poles and corners of walls.
00:59:34.140
We were really into masturbating, me and a group of my girlfriends, when we were nine and discovered our Pikachus.
00:59:39.740
So we would – and it wasn't like adult masturbation.
00:59:43.700
You're not actually touching anything directly.
00:59:45.500
You're basically rubbing your hands over material.
00:59:48.940
Like the thicker the material, the better the traction.
00:59:50.980
So it's like jeans, a thick corduroy burlap would be a great option, a corner of a wall.
00:59:57.200
You want something that is going to give you the traction you need.
01:00:00.820
And then – but how carried away I got as a child once I found out about the feeling and about a fucking clitoris, how I went bonkers with it.
01:00:10.760
And I was masturbating in school, getting the feeling, rubbing pencils.
01:00:27.040
And it – yeah, it was – so that's where the feeling comes from.
01:00:37.580
Yeah, there's a lot of like – there's a lot of use of masturbation to get through time.
01:00:51.580
No one is coming to me for my global opinions or world affairs.
01:00:56.220
No one gives a shit about my – you know, like I'm here with my family.
01:01:01.980
So I took a ladle and brought it to my Thanksgiving dinner and then I got carried away.
01:01:06.360
And the next thing I know, I was dripping sweating like a rapist at my family dinner
01:01:10.980
and my mom asking me to stop and that that's something that I needed to do in the privacy
01:01:17.260
But up until that point, no one had called me out because I grew up at a time where no
01:01:21.600
one was going to say, hey, stop jerking off, you fucking pervert.
01:01:26.500
So I thought no one even knew what I was doing.
01:01:28.900
So that's why I'd be like – I'd see a book and I'd be like rubbing up against – you
01:01:32.420
know, like while I would be talking to my father, I'd put like my ass behind an
01:01:41.340
And my family was just basically totally aware but also disgusted and horrified so
01:01:48.000
that they didn't even say anything until it became unmanageable.
01:01:51.800
If you see a child rubbing up on something – well, I guess if you have six other children,
01:01:55.320
who gives a fuck what the last one's doing most of the time?
01:01:58.220
But, yeah, I think it's hard to approach them even probably.
01:02:01.700
You know, maybe now you could text them and say, you know, calm it down.
01:02:08.500
Yeah, I mean, I used to masturbate so much as a kid that my calves would be sore because
01:02:14.760
I would be face down on the carpet rubbing my Pikachu over my denim jeans and then my
01:02:20.640
calves would kick out and would be flexing, you know?
01:02:23.920
And so I would have – I mean, I had very, very strong calves growing up.
01:02:36.260
And I love how in this special, you call it jerking off.
01:02:38.780
I hadn't heard a woman refer to it as that before.
01:02:41.400
Yeah, I'd never heard a woman say jerking off before.
01:02:47.000
Well, yeah, I guess it was jerking off because you are climaxing technically.
01:02:51.060
It is a – you know, and it's the same thing as when you're an adult.
01:02:53.540
You know when you like climax as an adult, you're like, ugh, you're kind of grossed out.
01:02:59.620
And then like, you know, you give it like two, three minutes and you're ready to go again.
01:03:07.180
I'm a – I'm more of like – you know, a lot of people are up by the front lines with the machine guns or whatever.
01:03:16.980
And then it's like, yeah, neat, down for repair or whatever.
01:03:42.900
Listen, I don't think most people want to have sex for longer than five or ten minutes.
01:03:46.280
If anybody's having sex for – who the fuck are you?
01:03:49.080
You're some kind of, like, mega – you're some kind of, like, cyborg.
01:03:54.660
Like, who's – like, Italians or whoever's fucking for that long.
01:04:06.420
But I also don't want to get fucked for, like, 45.
01:04:09.900
Like, I had a girlfriend who said to me, this guy fucked me for 45 minutes, and I went – like, I don't want to get fucked for 45 minutes.
01:04:20.840
I don't know any women that do, so I don't know what that's about.
01:04:24.240
I mean, like, talk about your pussy, like, not being able to handle a situation.
01:04:32.600
It's like, how much – is that, like, the Goodyear pussy?
01:04:35.640
I just don't want to – yeah, it's like, I just get – I kind of, honestly –
01:04:40.420
You almost said it, so I'm just going to finish it for you.
01:04:44.460
It means that you haven't had the right pussy yet, I don't think.
01:04:46.860
But it doesn't mean that you're going to last longer.
01:04:49.780
It's okay not to last – five minutes is not a big deal.
01:04:53.500
But some guys like to go again and again and again.
01:04:58.860
Well, it's kind of nice to be able to get a – it's kind of nice as a woman to have a guy that's –
01:05:03.540
because that means they're just – you interpret that as they're so attracted to you
01:05:07.300
that they can just get it – get hard every five minutes.
01:05:10.940
And while that can also seem, like, onerous, you're like, oh, I don't have the capacity.
01:05:15.340
First of all, your vagina needs to retract after sex.
01:05:21.780
So it kind of has to – you know, there's a healing process.
01:05:30.220
Yeah, I think a lot of people are wondering, yeah, what's an appropriate amount of time?
01:05:33.360
Because you also – it's like you hear these people like, let's fuck all night or whatever,
01:05:37.780
and you're like, ghetto, do not even knock on my door if we're fucking all night.
01:05:42.100
I don't want anybody at my house doing anything all night.
01:05:45.140
I don't want anybody even being awake in my house all night.
01:05:48.220
I mean, it's – I've had sex with men that where it's a one-nighter thing
01:05:52.400
and you have sex a bunch of times in one night, and that's fun, but that's like a one-night stand.
01:05:56.820
That's not like what you're going to do with your husband.
01:06:04.020
And then you could fall asleep during sex, wake back up, and be like, is this still fucking happening?
01:06:10.340
I mean, God, when is this going to be overcome already?
01:06:12.400
That's a Catholic sleepover right there, I think they call it.
01:06:14.920
But girls are always trying to make guys come before they're ready to come anyway.
01:06:20.820
Like, most women are trying to get it over with because five minutes is plenty of time.
01:06:26.420
So, like, a lot of guys, you know, you're like, oh, you know, you're just saying things
01:06:44.860
Like, I wasn't serious about coming on my face.
01:06:49.360
I was at a girl's place one time and she had a plant that guys would cum on and it was
01:07:06.940
And so everyone would just fuck her and then cum in the plant?
01:07:11.780
I mean, I don't know if people were doing it monthly or how often she was having men
01:07:16.400
I mean, I have no clue what it's also like a supplement schedule was, but I do know that
01:07:29.100
But yeah, it is fascinating the amount of time that there's, I think there is some miscommunication
01:07:37.760
It's not fair to men because men, first of all, you don't have to have a huge penis.
01:07:47.540
I've had sex with guys with little tiny penises.
01:07:49.660
That's happened to me a couple of times actually.
01:07:56.940
You want it to be over and you want them to go away.
01:08:00.600
I've had sex with somebody who I didn't even know we were having sex and he came and I
01:08:04.300
was like, oh my God, I can't believe how small your penis is.
01:08:07.280
You know, obviously I wasn't going to have sex with that person again, but men's penises
01:08:14.660
When a guy gets hard and that's fun and it's a decent size, it doesn't have to be massive
01:08:24.420
So yes, men who are listening, I'm sure there are all tons of men listening.
01:08:29.060
So I hope that assuages the male ego a little bit.
01:08:34.380
This is coming from a woman who's had sex with lots of men.
01:08:37.720
Did you keep tabs on the men that you slept with, do you think?
01:08:40.280
I mean, I ran out of, you know, that I don't have time for that anymore because that's a
01:08:45.200
Did you ever do like a little gift basket or some celebrities, like if you make love to
01:08:50.020
somebody, you give them a little gift or something?
01:08:52.540
I mean, unless we're talking about STDs, I have never given a real gift to someone now.
01:08:59.140
No, I haven't, I haven't had sex with a lot of celebrities either.
01:09:01.880
I mean, I know you're saying I'm the celebrity, but still like, I also like regular guys,
01:09:06.220
you know, it's two celebrities together can be a little bit of a hot mess.
01:09:09.700
Was it harder to date and stuff once you became, once you had fame in your life, popularity
01:09:14.680
I mean, it's not hard, but men are definitely like, you know, a little bit scared, turned
01:09:20.720
off, intimidated, emasculated, that kind of vibe around me.
01:09:26.680
Because it's hard to practice with somebody that's in, because it's not, there's not as
01:09:29.940
many people that are popular, so it's hard to practice.
01:09:31.480
It's like, you don't get that world as much, you know?
01:09:33.660
I like, I've, I've been on lots of like situations, I've been in lots of situations with men that were
01:09:38.160
not celebrities, or that were, where we would be out, or we'd be flirting for a while, and
01:09:45.860
Like, that's happened to me a lot, to the point where I was like, what is wrong with
01:09:50.320
And then you realize, that happens to a lot of guys.
01:09:53.600
Like, there's a lot of like, performance anxiety.
01:09:56.160
And I know that, because I've dated men who've had that, you know?
01:10:01.100
So like, women also can't take that personally.
01:10:10.080
Like, it's good to kind of communicate that stuff, so that everyone doesn't feel like
01:10:16.980
Then it's just this weird thing, nobody ever said anything.
01:10:19.500
And these days, a lot of stuff's so common, and it's like, everybody's talked about everything
01:10:22.680
So it's like, I think having certain conversations are a lot more the norm than the, even
01:10:28.460
You know, I remember, I couldn't get an erection at some girl's place, and it was like, 3.30 in
01:10:33.920
And I told her I had to go to swim practice or whatever, and it was early, swim practice
01:10:40.600
I was like, 28, and I was fucking, couldn't answer or whatever.
01:10:44.820
Yeah, you know, just a bad idea, I had to go to swim team or whatever.
01:10:47.880
Oh, you told her that you had to go to swim team?
01:10:52.620
Oh, yeah, you didn't know, because you weren't on one.
01:10:55.020
Because I wasn't in school or whatever, you know?
01:10:57.660
So just sometimes you say shit like that, I got to get home to let my dog out is a good
01:11:02.180
I once left a guy's house, once I felt his penis and realized it wasn't going to work,
01:11:07.080
I once told a guy that I had to get my Invisalign out of my car, that I wouldn't be able to
01:11:14.940
And, you know, then I left and never came back.
01:11:17.260
And so I've done things like that, too, to get out of a bad situation or a situation
01:11:26.340
Why spend more time creating something that's just going to be uncomfortable?
01:11:30.060
But I'm sure when you you get left in the dust, like we all I mean, everyone's experienced
01:11:39.320
If someone comes, you take a chick back to your house and she leaves right as you get
01:11:53.300
And I was on a date with this guy in London and we had a great date.
01:11:56.120
I would I had been talking to him like on Raya or one of those apps before I went out
01:11:59.720
there and he was hot and and and and we went out to dinner.
01:12:03.020
We had a great dinner and I was like, oh, this is going great.
01:12:11.940
And we get back to my house and he I would get back to my hotel and he's just dripping
01:12:18.320
And he just looked like he was about to throw up.
01:12:25.700
And I was like, oh, my God, I felt like Bill Cosby.
01:12:28.380
You know, like I drugged this man and I go, oh, my God.
01:12:45.080
And I'm sitting there on shrooms, too, but I'm fine.
01:12:47.520
And I'm like, oh, my God, I just drugged my date.
01:12:50.160
Like and I was telling my girlfriends the next day and they're like, why would you ever give mushrooms
01:12:54.080
to someone after you fucking went out to dinner like that is not exotic or like erotic or anything?
01:13:00.620
It's like that's a party drug to fucking laugh.
01:13:04.500
And you fucking made the guy sick to his stomach.
01:13:07.220
And I was like, yeah, no more drugs on first dates.
01:13:12.680
I remember taking them one time and some girls like, let me see.
01:13:14.920
She didn't even want to make out or she's like, let me see your weird dick or whatever.
01:13:18.920
And I was like, because I guess like she was really getting the swirls, you know,
01:13:25.500
I was like, fucking all right, you know, but yeah, that can be kind of a just a tough idea.
01:13:30.860
And then, yeah, it's just weird to touch somebody and hug somebody.
01:13:35.120
But it is fun to sit around and laugh or something on some mushroom.
01:13:43.840
But sometimes sometimes having a like enjoying time with somebody is fucking nice, too,
01:13:48.380
and not feeling the pressure like you got to make like, yeah, you got to have sex.
01:13:52.320
So that's the that's the problem with that, too, especially on a night where you're, you
01:13:55.920
know, yeah, it's better to do that with someone you've gotten to know a little bit rather
01:14:05.420
I did meet Bill Cosby before he was before he got that's in the special the part that
01:14:12.100
And I guess what was it like whenever you met him?
01:14:20.360
He was an asshole because there was a guy opening for me and we were in Atlantic City
01:14:25.260
First of all, I showed up to his hotel room at three o'clock in the afternoon.
01:14:28.380
The casino manager said, hey, Bill Cosby wants to meet you because he was going to rape
01:14:38.540
Because he would do afternoon rapes or whatever.
01:14:40.260
Yeah, he would have women come up to his hotel room, give him rohypnol and then fuck
01:14:45.660
But I showed up with my security guard and my opener who was a man, Chris Frangiolla.
01:14:53.680
And and when Bill Cosby realized I had two guys with me, his mood just was like, fuck off.
01:14:59.120
And he basically read the guy telling him he was never going to amount to anything opening
01:15:06.220
And I'm like, this doesn't seem like he's in a good mood or like we should take this
01:15:12.760
And then later I found out, you know, everything's broke.
01:15:16.600
And we found out Bill Cosby was drugging hundreds of women.
01:15:19.620
He would come summon them to his hotel room, give them like some barbiturate pattern that
01:15:28.340
And my sister, after that happened, she's like, well, now we know why Bill Cosby was such
01:15:32.640
And I was like, little does Bill Cosby know that that roofie wouldn't have put a fucking
01:15:46.540
I saw Macaulay Culkin the other night and I wish I could have heard what he was saying
01:15:49.600
to me because he was thanking me for something.
01:15:51.440
And I don't remember ever interacting with Macaulay Culkin, but he kept going on and on and
01:15:57.160
And it was so loud at the party that I don't know what he said.
01:16:04.820
But I was wondering if it had anything to do with Michael Jackson.
01:16:07.760
And I'm like, I wonder if I forgot that I did something about Michael Jackson.
01:16:12.840
I probably did a whole thing about Michael Jackson at some point.
01:16:16.240
Was Michael Jackson raping kids or was he a kid wanting to hang out with other kids?
01:16:21.440
Like, I don't want to give him any credit, but it's like he didn't seem like somebody
01:16:30.520
Oh, I don't think that that was I think that was definitely part of his psychology that
01:16:33.740
he was just like, yeah, like a seven year old that was grew up and got super famous and
01:16:39.300
also had sexuality going on inside of him at the same time.
01:16:46.100
But no, I'm just curious as to who, like, who gets to run across certain people like
01:16:49.520
in celebrity circles and stuff, you know, but I'm trying to think of anything else.
01:16:56.020
Is there anything else that you wanted to talk about specifically, Chelsea?
01:17:02.520
Oh, you know, I'll tell your male, male, male listeners, too.
01:17:12.620
If you want to get a good gift for your girlfriend's wives or daughters, get I'll Have
01:17:16.440
That's my book that's just debuted at number one.
01:17:27.300
And yeah, just thanks for coming and spending time with us today.
01:17:37.660
And it's just, yeah, I feel lucky that you came and spent time with us today.
01:17:44.520
Now, I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
01:17:55.900
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
01:18:01.320
And I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little bit
01:18:12.660
I sort of didn't know that you were just injecting on this but it's gonna sleep on.
01:18:24.480
Because I'm finally working on this but it's gonna be啜 switching on me,
01:18:26.600
And I'm beginning to do things really have to watch.