Adin Live - Adin Ross Goes To Therapy

00:00:00.000 what's up dude hey what's up um doctor uh give me one second to try to configure this i'm a little

00:00:11.040 bit i'm a tiny bit of a boomer so you gotta bear with me for one second my dude all good i got

00:00:16.580 you if you need help um with settings and stuff i can help you what's hello how you doing i'm doing

00:00:23.400 well man how are you i'm good i'm good man i honestly um i i i saw uh why honestly i'm not

00:00:30.020 gonna be fake about it i haven't seen anything that you've done or anything but my moderators

00:00:33.720 were telling me to how uh they were gonna plan this for me so i don't really know what we're

00:00:36.540 doing today but they just said it's gonna be good okay so um to be completely that's first of all

00:00:42.820 dude i i love your honesty man i'm super hyped about this um so let me just explain a couple of

00:00:48.740 things uh similar first of all what do you go by aiden you can just call me aiden aiden okay um

00:00:56.700 so let me explain to you a little bit about what we usually do um i'm super excited i similarly i

00:01:03.420 know it sounds kind of weird i've seen very little of your stuff i know you have a reputation on the

00:01:07.900 internet i'm not even sure exactly what it is but i try very hard not to watch people's content um just

00:01:15.100 because anytime i have a conversation with them i don't want to be biased by the character on a

00:01:20.800 screen yeah so let me explain to you what we do um i'm a psychiatrist but one thing that it's

00:01:25.860 important for you to understand is that this is not therapy so i'm not going to be diagnosing you

00:01:31.060 treating you prescribing any medications is that clear yes sir so what i try to do with people um i

00:01:37.660 started streaming to have conversations with people just to understand a little bit about what

00:01:41.340 their life is like um that's basically it sometimes we'll talk about stuff which is totally cool like

00:01:47.280 sometimes we can talk about particular topics that may be interesting to you or interesting to me

00:01:51.520 but generally speaking we're here because i believe that the internet is a judgmental space

00:01:57.700 and that having a conversation with a human being can help us learn more about each other and learn

00:02:05.020 more about ourselves sometimes and i'm happy to go into more of my background if you want

00:02:10.540 um people have questions about something related to science health or mental health and while i don't

00:02:17.000 provide medical advice like for example i think you have crohn's disease and you should start on a

00:02:21.460 biologic agent i won't do that i'm happy to guide people based on my varied experience and the kind of

00:02:27.120 work that i've done if people are interested in learning about things and that's reciprocal so if you want

00:02:32.160 to teach me about stuff too and it's kind of where the conversation goes like that's totally fine

00:02:36.500 okay cool how does that sound yeah it sounds great man it sounds great um everything you're saying is

00:02:41.780 it's it's perfect it's music to my ears you know what i'm saying awesome dude so can you tell me a

00:02:47.180 little bit about yourself yeah my name is aiden i uh a lot of people that don't know me they call me

00:02:53.160 aiden ross you know what i'm saying but i mean that is my name but i like to just be called aiden

00:02:57.160 um i'm a streamer i've been streaming for a few years now i've been streaming for

00:03:01.400 i would say honestly four years coming up on five you know what i'm saying um let's see i i enjoy

00:03:10.060 streaming i i used to enjoy way more when my hunger was was more you know what i'm saying was when i

00:03:15.820 was more hungry but i feel like i've really kind of not beat the streaming game but kind of like

00:03:20.540 accomplished what i my goals that i set beforehand so now it's harder for me to kind of make and

00:03:25.200 appreciate streaming more sometimes um but lately i've been doing some new stuff like i've been

00:03:30.440 switching it up and i've actually been enjoying it lately as of like this month particularly so

00:03:35.320 you know it's been really good okay um can you tell me a little bit about why how'd you become a

00:03:40.720 streamer man so i've always kind of like played video games and throughout my whole life like

00:03:47.260 everyone i used to like kind of be buddies with back in the day when i used to play like games like

00:03:52.040 i used to play my first game i ever streamed was nba 2k14 but i had like no viewers but i just

00:03:56.720 streamed it because which is like when i was 13 years old i would just stream it because like i was

00:04:00.540 13 like literally just cursing and just playing and stuff like that and just kind of like making

00:04:05.920 content my boy was like you'd actually be like a really good streamer and i would like see other

00:04:10.200 streamers that i would i would watch and i'd be like all right you know i'm gonna get ahead of the

00:04:13.080 game and i did it and i just i have adhd man i just move a lot i speak a lot i just my mind is just

00:04:19.040 not normal i feel like sometimes and uh i don't know i just i just really really like got into it

00:04:27.160 from having like passion for for nba 2k and then just talking a lot and while i'm playing stuff and

00:04:32.000 entertaining okay so it sounds like you liked nba 2k a lot so you started streaming when you were

00:04:37.120 like 13 yeah but i got no viewers and i quit for like a three four years and then i started up again

00:04:42.140 like when i was like 17 18 ish and what um so if you've been streaming for four or five years that

00:04:47.320 means you're like 22 23 i'm 22 yeah i'm about to be 23 in october okay um and so what second time

00:04:54.900 around what kind of got you into it second time around i i was a senior in high school and i like

00:05:00.160 knew that like i didn't want to go to college man like i had i had family members like tell me like

00:05:04.580 you're gonna be homeless you're gonna be like if you don't go to college like you don't become a

00:05:08.540 lawyer and like they want to become like a lawyer or like something that like something that was like

00:05:13.040 suit and tie super professional classy and i just knew it wasn't for me like i was just always

00:05:17.600 different i was always like super to myself in school i just never really wanted to do what

00:05:25.920 everyone wanted me to do i always wanted to go like around like i always wanted to do the opposite

00:05:30.300 like if you like if if a human being in my life that wasn't my father my mother told me to do

00:05:34.360 something i just wanted to be opposite of it just be like haha like i i i i you told me that shit

00:05:40.160 and i and i did the opposite just because i could do it okay wow yeah so it sounds like um

00:05:46.900 you you really like had

00:05:49.460 a lot of it sounds like family members were almost like trying to scare you into going to college

00:05:56.740 uh i got a lot of pressure because i i i came from i come from a fan from a family that nobody ever

00:06:01.820 went to school like the only people that have been through i have sisters the only person that uh was in

00:06:07.000 school where my was like my one aunt and then uh my mom like my dad didn't even go to college like

00:06:13.260 it's like nobody in my my whole family went to once i went to college like nobody so if they never

00:06:19.560 went to college why would they pressure you so much into going to college because at the point of my

00:06:23.940 life when i was a senior about like make what i wanted to do we weren't really financially stable

00:06:28.260 there was a lot of problems in my home so like they were just like well if you go to college you'll

00:06:32.140 have a good head on your shoulders and stuff and uh i think it'll be different because it'll be

00:06:35.900 switching up like the family tradition type of thing type of thing you know wow so it sounds like

00:06:40.380 things were a little bit rough and and they sounds like they they were recommending stuff based on

00:06:44.840 what they thought was good for you my senior year it was really hard for my family i was i was super

00:06:50.420 skinny i didn't eat every night people think that like i had it very easy my whole life we were

00:06:55.000 financially stable medium class up until about senior year it got really hard for us um and you know

00:07:02.300 it's i i would go literally some nights without eating dinner like i would just have like a bag

00:07:07.440 of chips for dinner and stuff and why is that because there was a point in time where

00:07:13.700 something happened where everyone in like in my family my mom didn't work she was she was she does

00:07:21.660 yoga and stuff like she's like an instructor now she does like yoga for fun i retired my mom like a

00:07:26.020 couple years ago um but she just does yoga instructing for fun i'm sorry what does that mean you retired

00:07:31.040 your mom a couple of years ago like she would work with like mentally disabled people and like help

00:07:37.640 them out like people with like autism and like down syndrome and bipolar she would like help them

00:07:40.780 and stuff and like basically wow not a nurse but kind of just like somebody who would just like be

00:07:45.620 really like like an a basically yeah so i retired my mom from doing that and um she just does yoga

00:07:51.720 for fun because it's like she's like very into namaste like peaceful stuff and stuff so she's

00:07:56.040 super at peace and spiritual um but what i mean by retiring here is i just basically like was like

00:08:01.280 hey mom dad you guys never have to worry about money ever again like you guys are good i got them

00:08:04.720 a house i paid it off everything got them cars so that type that's what i'm about retiring yeah

00:08:09.140 that's impressive man yeah that's the best feeling i've ever out of everything i've ever done in my

00:08:14.320 career out of anything i've ever spent that's the best thing i think anyone could ever say

00:08:19.100 especially me like that like any anybody that's in a position like i am i pray that you guys all

00:08:24.540 get in this position where you can retire your parents the best thing in the world there's nothing

00:08:29.260 nothing like it sounds like you're a good son aiden i try to be i try to be um maybe if we if we

00:08:39.640 get to know each other a little bit better we can hear about some of your less good things that

00:08:43.860 you do for as being a son but yeah um so wow so so that sounds like you're you were kind of very

00:08:50.820 self-driven can you help me understand a little bit about this kind of like if someone tells you

00:08:55.320 that you shouldn't do something you kind of like you're like screw you i'm gonna do it anyway well

00:09:01.020 my mind has always been different like i tell you when i was like four years old five years old

00:09:05.400 i've always grew up different when i was five or six in first grade i was wearing pull-ups still i was

00:09:10.100 wearing diapers because i was i was a late bloomer to where i was peeing and wet in the bed until i

00:09:14.940 was like six or seven years old and i've always seemed to be rebellious and i've always seemed to

00:09:19.160 be doing things that like it late and just what other kids weren't doing i would have weird tics

00:09:25.460 growing up i was just super like i wouldn't say i was like socially awkward i was very social i made

00:09:30.580 a lot of friends i moved around a lot i moved i've had like four different i moved to like four

00:09:34.980 different towns kind of three different towns like making new friends i've always been very social i've

00:09:39.880 always fit in with people and stuff i've never had a hard time doing that but i would just say

00:09:43.940 growing up listening to people i was very i just i was i guess you could say rebellious in a way

00:09:50.660 not in a bad way just in a way if somebody was like hey aiden do that and this i would do it my

00:09:55.560 own way like i'd like to just figure it out my own like for example i had to learn this a lot but

00:10:00.620 i've had many things in my life where i've messed up where people are like aiden like don't do this

00:10:06.360 like aiden don't jump on the table for example but i would have to do it to learn the consequence

00:10:10.020 i would just like to see what would happen i would i would want to see it people in life that can

00:10:14.880 catch it and like if like for example doctor if you were like aiden if you jump that table you're

00:10:19.780 gonna get hurt i think those people that can actually just listen and just not do it those

00:10:24.660 are lucky people there's a lot of people that are that that that genuinely like they have to

00:10:29.060 actually go through it figure it out for themselves and i was one of those kids that just

00:10:33.380 like wanted to just know what it was like so i'm sort of hearing that not necessarily that you were

00:10:38.900 like rebellious but that you just needed to learn things from yourselves for yourself yeah but again

00:10:45.840 like i just think it's not fair i get it i get why but i just think it's not fair for family members

00:10:51.500 anybody to just be pressuring their children to be doing something like i think college is extremely

00:10:57.500 outdated for example i'm not bashing college i think college is necessary for a lot of people i think

00:11:03.060 if you know what you want to do if i am if i know i want what i'm passionate about if i want to be

00:11:07.160 a lawyer a doctor if i if i want to do something i think college is worth it for me if i know what

00:11:11.940 i'm doing if i think if people are going into college without any train of thought what they want

00:11:16.020 to do like any like for example if i'm like i want a career in business go to college or business

00:11:21.920 if you if you don't know what it is yet just go to college or business you know you want to

00:11:25.380 major in business but if you don't know what you want to do what's the point that's my opinion

00:11:29.240 i'd recommend try finding a way to make money stack up you know what i mean and and figure

00:11:33.820 it out then i just think being pressured and forced into doing that and that's what i had

00:11:38.280 my senior year like i was already being told by my family members you need to be an accountant

00:11:41.540 you know what i mean you need to be an accountant you need to be a lawyer you know what i mean i'm

00:11:44.920 like i don't even know what i want to do it's my life you know and i'm at an age where i just want

00:11:49.280 to know i'm at an age where i just want to i want to figure it out my own when i was 18 i just

00:11:54.440 wanted to figure it out my own yeah and and so what's it like to be under that pressure

00:12:00.000 um i think i felt a lot of pressure because at this point my sisters weren't really doing anything

00:12:05.880 no offense to them i love them i they're doing they're doing their own things now but i just

00:12:10.060 think i i was really going through it because i feel like everything was crumbling in my family

00:12:16.880 nobody was really you know what i'm saying doing anything that's scary man yeah and i just felt like

00:12:20.980 i was in a way the golden child i had to resurrect and help my my parents out and find a way so i i

00:12:29.000 just yeah so i'm almost hearing that like the pressure you were under was not just about your

00:12:34.640 own life it's sort of like they were putting all their eggs in your basket yeah i would say so i would

00:12:39.320 say like i i was kind of like i felt pressure from everybody because i i had i had to succeed and if i

00:12:44.460 didn't succeed then i was going to feel like a failure probably like i i don't know and honestly i

00:12:48.720 still have this pressure to this day i know we're going to get into that later but the pressure

00:12:51.880 it's never went away i've had it ever since i was a senior what do you mean we're going to get into

00:12:56.380 that later help me understand that well we're starting you're you're talking right now about

00:13:00.720 like before all this which is good and i want to i want to stand this for a little bit if you have

00:13:04.740 any more topics or questions to talk about because i'm saying i still have this pressure to this day

00:13:09.240 okay of like basically like carrying my family tree if that makes sense it's weird i'll get into it i

00:13:16.220 don't mean in any type of like egotistical way or anything like that but i'm not i'm not getting

00:13:20.120 any ego from you okay just making sure um you want to talk about it now no i'm saying like was

00:13:25.900 there not because i know we're talking about like the beginning like before all this like

00:13:29.600 do you want to skip right into that i don't care i don't care what we do but i mean i have a i have

00:13:33.700 like a thousand questions for you but sure maybe we can get into a little bit later okay um so you

00:13:38.680 mentioned that you were hungry so you you said that you said a couple times that your mind has

00:13:43.040 always been different like what else have you noticed every single trauma i've ever had in my

00:13:48.120 life i've always put it away and stored it and i never dealt with it like i would i've only cried

00:13:53.040 a few times in my life i've cried before and sometimes it hits me but like i used to cry a lot

00:13:59.040 when i was a kid but like every time i have trauma i put it in my back of my brain i'm very desensitized

00:14:04.040 my brain is very desensitized you know what i'm saying it's like i almost it's just like

00:14:11.740 how do i put this my brain works really weird like i don't feel feeling sometimes because i'm

00:14:19.820 i'm not soulless i have a soul and whenever i like disconnect myself i feel things and i and i can feel

00:14:25.540 love and i can feel passion i can feel stuff but sometimes whenever you disconnect yourself you feel

00:14:30.760 things disconnect from the internet mainly like go go go basically like go somewhere you know what

00:14:36.220 i'm saying yeah get away from all of this get away from everything take a little break go travel

00:14:41.260 somewhere without having to work take time off of streaming it really helps me find myself again

00:14:46.600 connect myself to reality um but um where where was i sorry oh the desensitization of my brain that's

00:14:55.180 my biggest issue i have today it's like it's super hard for me to sometimes feel things and and and and

00:15:01.580 and and just kind of like um i don't know it's almost like i'm emotionless and like i feel like i beat

00:15:10.620 the game what what do you mean by beat the game like what's the game when i was when i was coming in

00:15:19.820 to like you know entering the streaming game i had goals in the back of my head and the goals in the

00:15:28.580 back of my head were set your parents up for life put some money in your bank account meet some of

00:15:34.460 your heroes and idols and you did it and the excitement and hunger i had when conquering this

00:15:40.780 like the grind part the grind aspect was honestly i couldn't realize it but when i was grinding

00:15:49.220 that was the that was like the the peak feeling of me when i was accomplishing all this stuff i've

00:15:56.180 talked to a lot of the people that i looked up to throughout my life and i met them and i've had

00:16:00.800 conversations with them and i got this and i got that and i did that and i did this and i just feel

00:16:07.540 like i've kind of already conquered a lot of the things like at a really young age sure and what does

00:16:14.880 it feel like to conquer things at a young age like i beat the game and how does that feel

00:16:21.020 i don't know i i honestly man it's really it's fucked up because honestly like that's what drives

00:16:28.380 me crazy sometimes like what do i what what do i what do i do now like what what what do i do

00:16:33.360 you know what i mean sure and i'm hearing that you really almost enjoyed grinding of course when i was

00:16:42.140 in the grind and i had a hunger and i was boom bam boom getting all my my goals and results and

00:16:47.940 stuff it's like that shit was everything to me like that was like that was you could see the hunger

00:16:53.960 the hunger right now that i had when i i'm sorry i'll never have that hunger again it's true

00:16:59.620 i don't well i don't believe that scary well i think i don't believe i will i hope i wish i wish i

00:17:05.580 wish i would but i just i don't think that hunger exists anymore like i'm hungry in other ways like

00:17:11.200 now sometimes when i when i when i when i want when i want to make like amazing content like i

00:17:16.880 want to i want to do new things i just think about my community and what got me here today

00:17:20.760 like my community has been here through the shitty moments the good moments the good content the bad

00:17:24.640 content it's like now all i care about is just doing shit for them my core i don't care about

00:17:29.640 anything else but my core i want to make good content for my core because my core has been here

00:17:34.020 through everything for me so it sounds like you had some goals that were and you know let me know if

00:17:38.820 this word rubs you the wrong way a little bit more selfish before definitely no no no no my main set

00:17:44.660 goal was to just get rich take care of my family and have some money to put aside for me and that was

00:17:50.400 it i would i would say my goal was never selfish like once once i my first my first purchase was a

00:17:57.680 lamborghini at 19 i think but like you're right i guess you are right my first my first goal what

00:18:04.420 yeah i would say was selfish yeah and i i mean i i was thinking about a better word

00:18:09.820 you know because i think it's like okay to have selfish goals like you know like it's okay to want

00:18:15.480 stuff from life yeah yeah i i didn't mean it to be derogatory and that's why i was like i just

00:18:20.580 couldn't find a better word i think i think sorry i didn't mean i didn't mean no i think when you're in

00:18:25.820 grind mode like anyone that's grinding towards something like i don't really know too much about

00:18:30.640 you but like when you're grinding for like let's just say what you you went to harvard right

00:18:35.960 sure when you were grinding to get to harvard when i was grinding to become a streamer you kind of have

00:18:40.780 to be selfish because like let's just say like like in a way in a way like you're grinding to like

00:18:46.620 to you in a selfish way like where you have to just do you basically before you can really aid and

00:18:53.900 take care of others you know i'm saying like you kind of yeah i i i think that's a very very

00:18:59.320 reasonable way to look at things um interestingly enough i would say in my case it was sort of the

00:19:04.880 opposite there was a time in my life where i was grinding to get into harvard and i was nowhere near

00:19:10.360 and then there was a time in my life where i gave that up and wasn't interested in being the best or

00:19:16.820 accomplishing anything really um and paradoxically that's what ended up getting me there but you know

00:19:23.060 i i think that what you're saying makes perfect sense um and and so i'm kind of curious like when

00:19:29.300 you were grinding and accomplishing stuff when you got it sounds like you got a lamborghini at the age

00:19:33.580 of 19 which is like that's rare man one it's like below one it's like what like point something percent

00:19:40.600 of just doing that there's people that don't even have fucking houses and food bro and i'm over here

00:19:46.420 buying a lamborghini at 19 years old you know what i'm saying like it's like super desensitizing

00:19:50.980 what's what's desensitizing about it i think in general at 19 having a load of money and not

00:19:59.480 knowing what to do with it never being taught what to do with money never being taught how to use it

00:20:03.780 how to utilize it and i'm 19 i buy a lamborghini it's like it doesn't make sense i don't even have

00:20:09.120 a house yet i don't even have my parents aren't even good yet i just think it's super desensitizing

00:20:14.000 making money to buy a lamborghini

00:20:17.340 at 19 i just think having a lot of money with not knowing what to do with it at 19 is crazy

00:20:23.920 you know what i mean so i i think there's something really

00:20:27.300 that sounds like an important discovery but i don't understand it so how does buying a lamborghini

00:20:34.820 at 19 how does that connect to desensitizing can you help me understand that um i think you're on

00:20:41.060 to something i just don't yeah yeah yeah i i think what i'm trying to say is like

00:20:45.960 maybe it's the wrong word i'm using like i don't think so man well

00:20:54.900 it's desensitizing buying a lamborghini at 19 in general because it's like you're not i don't know i

00:21:00.340 just feel like not every 19 year old's doing that you go what i'm saying so when you come into

00:21:05.200 that like that that little like i don't know like when you come in and you go buy a lamborghini

00:21:10.940 at 19 without having houses and all these things and stuff it's like i never knew how to manage

00:21:17.920 money like i never knew how to like do that and if i and right now if i go back at 19 i had the

00:21:23.260 funds i had i would tell myself don't buy a lamborghini right now and then what would you have

00:21:26.960 done if you told yourself if aiden ross in the future showed up to 19 year old aiden roston was

00:21:31.820 like brah don't buy lambo what what would 19 year old aiden roston have done i think what i think i

00:21:38.220 would have literally said give it to your parents because they know they know what to do you know

00:21:45.460 what i mean that's what the older you would have said what would the younger you have done

00:21:49.280 oh you're saying younger than younger than now no no so like if you were 19 right let's say you

00:21:55.520 could travel back in time okay and you could talk to your 19 year old self and 22 year old aiden was

00:22:01.260 like don't buy a lambo give it to your parents what would 19 year old you have done fuck you i'm

00:22:06.320 buying a lamborghini okay right yeah interesting yeah and so when you say desensitize maybe i can

00:22:13.920 offer something and let me know so i'm getting the sense that you when you're grinding you feel really

00:22:19.640 good right because you're putting in effort and then you're seeing those numbers or whatever those

00:22:24.660 metrics are and then after you get it there's like you feel nothing not nothing so i'll explain it

00:22:32.220 when you're gaining when you're grinding towards something you get a high after i would do a viral

00:22:36.760 stream or a viral moment i would get high off of it it would give me it would give me some type of

00:22:40.720 like release of chemicals in my brain to make me like okay keep going this is amazing i love i love

00:22:45.760 the attention the the what i'm gaining from this i love the money i love the the dopamine release i love

00:22:50.720 it i want more of it i want to keep what's next how do i go viral again how do i do it again how do i

00:22:55.020 go again how do i gain more followers how do i get more how do i gain out of this the clout it's an

00:22:59.400 addiction it's it's it's addicting it's a drug because when you're gaining when you keep gaining and

00:23:04.280 gaining and gaining it's it's it's a high you know so i wouldn't say i feel nothing now i just don't care

00:23:12.360 anymore like i don't care as much as i did before like if i was stuck on a very very small core

00:23:19.300 community that just loves me and cares for me and will watch me do anything and i don't really

00:23:24.340 care about the crazy numbers anymore i don't really care about doing crazy viral stuff anymore

00:23:28.380 like i just don't like i i care to go i care to make good content but like the crazy crazy viral

00:23:35.080 moments and stuff that i was doing back in the day i don't want to put my i don't need to put

00:23:38.640 myself in that position anymore what's changed i would say growing up a little more um going through

00:23:45.760 a lot doing a lot i would say um having more money now um i would just say honestly

00:23:56.800 yeah i would just say more experience in this shit as well

00:24:01.360 and in what ways have you grown up aiden experience i think um i'm not 100 mature yet i'm not i've still

00:24:12.860 a lot to learn i'm still super young and i make dumb decisions all the time um

00:24:17.960 i don't know man i think i think i still got a lot more growing up to do but i think i'm in a better

00:24:25.880 place uh now than i was when i was back at 21 20 you know how are you different one or two years ago

00:24:34.040 what was the place you were in less money uh different different living situation um

00:24:40.560 you know i would say less i like like just less experience in general in my in my career as well

00:24:49.280 um so different people around me got you know i don't really speak with anymore

00:24:54.960 go ahead what were you gonna say i'm sorry so no no it's totally cool dude i um i was just kind of

00:25:00.260 so i'm a little bit confused because like on the one hand i'm sort of hearing that back in the day

00:25:05.640 when your head was in the game you felt good you're grinding you're getting that dopamine rush

00:25:11.960 you use the word addiction which is i mean that's that's a powerful word man and at the same time

00:25:16.560 it sounds like you felt really good definitely and i'm sort of almost hearing you kind of say that

00:25:23.300 you're in a better place now but you like don't feel as good in some way like does that kind of

00:25:28.800 makes i'm sort of i don't i don't feel more i don't feel fulfillment and high anymore after

00:25:35.180 having a viral moment does that make sense like if i see a viral if i see a viral moment or viral

00:25:40.420 clip now i'll just laugh about it and scroll right past it i don't care anymore as i would care back in

00:25:44.940 2021 i would be super super like oh my god oh my god i gotta do more of this i gotta do that i gotta do

00:25:51.560 this i i just don't really care for it anymore which one do you prefer the way you are now or

00:25:58.400 the way you used to be now all about pleasing a core that cares about me then a trendy audience that

00:26:05.060 doesn't really care two shits about give two shits about me for sure okay and is being fulfilled and

00:26:11.100 and being high the same thing what do you mean so you said like you don't get the sense of

00:26:17.740 fulfillment you don't feel as high anymore i don't mean like drugs i mean like what you're talking

00:26:21.440 about i feel at peace i feel i'm cool with what i have i feel comfortable i feel you feel at peace

00:26:26.700 now a peace because back in back when i was in that 2021 mode i was nervous and horribly going like

00:26:36.100 mentally destroyed because i would always have to think about what i gotta do the next day to go

00:26:40.760 viral otherwise i'm gonna fall off you know what i'm saying like i i was i was on a mission still

00:26:45.500 trying to grind and trying to figure things out and try to just going down this little upscale of a

00:26:51.460 blow up you know so i'm i'm kind of hearing that like it's quite a roller coaster dude so like on the

00:26:56.160 one hand there's like the thrills and it's like hell yeah you feel that energy what's next baby but at

00:27:01.940 the same time maybe there's like anxiety like maybe i can't do it like yeah you know doubt literally

00:27:09.960 yes self-doubt self um just a lot of a lot of like like overthinking man just like straight up just

00:27:17.940 you know what kind of what do you mean by overthinking i just thought if i didn't top this

00:27:24.340 stream i was gonna fall off and everyone would leave me and i just thought like i didn't do this

00:27:28.960 right or or you know if i didn't you know figure out a way to do this stream better and figured out

00:27:36.620 then my whole community was gonna leave me i really did i thought i thought i won't leave

00:27:40.020 and what what so you mentioned that like your who you hang out with or something has changed what

00:27:47.060 what's happened to your community your connections i had a different living arrangement you know back

00:27:53.340 with my name in 2021 i was first blowing up a lot of people hit me up had a lot of fake people

00:27:58.060 um in my life at that time i had a lot of people who were were just straight up um just not i had a

00:28:07.080 lot of people in my life that weren't there like my living room was there i was in a whole content

00:28:10.360 house okay i was in a house full of people um who do content creation as well on the internet and

00:28:15.640 um it was just it was a different environment i was living in work if that makes sense like i was

00:28:21.600 living yeah yeah i was i would wake up to a messy ass room to a stream i did the day before

00:28:27.340 and i would you know what i'm saying i would wake up to that like if i like was in my streaming room

00:28:32.060 the other day and i and i completely broke like um this one stream i did i broke like this con

00:28:38.260 concrete stuff with a hammer um and and i slept in that like i was sleeping in work so my living

00:28:45.460 arrangement in general was just completely different like it was just i was living in work i felt

00:28:49.840 too much work work work work work you know and and how are you living now

00:28:55.100 happier for sure i i now um i now don't live in work if i want to take a day off and lay in bed

00:29:03.040 and watch tv and and just take one thing at a time and not live in work and go outside and

00:29:08.440 it's it's it's a lot better i do what's it like yeah i do i do i do sometimes get lonely though

00:29:15.040 i'm not gonna lie but what you're writing down there doctor i mean i've written a ton of shit

00:29:21.320 why are you so focused on what i'm writing now i'm just kidding i'm just i know i know you've

00:29:26.720 been writing i don't think you're kidding

00:29:28.300 well no i'm saying like i know you've been writing this whole time like i i don't really

00:29:34.100 care what you've been writing i mean i know you're just taking notes

00:29:35.960 is there something about can i ask you a question

00:29:41.940 um and i know i've been asking you it's kind of silly so what i'm signaling to you is i i think

00:29:47.260 what what was it like to say you get lonely sometimes

00:29:51.000 i've always lived with work so i've always had people around and now that i live alone

00:29:58.360 it's different because now i live alone i don't live with family i don't live with parents i used

00:30:03.980 to have girlfriend like a girlfriend excuse me i used to live with her i don't live with her

00:30:07.940 obviously we broke up i don't i live alone right so it's like for me

00:30:13.000 it's like it's different you know i get lonely sometimes

00:30:19.640 sounds lonely yeah it is but i have friends and i have you know my parents close by and stuff so

00:30:28.000 it is what it is

00:30:28.980 can i think for a second think

00:30:34.400 is he diagnosing me chat what's he doing

00:30:40.360 i'm gonna need a second okay take your time

00:30:58.220 is it okay to be lonely yes it is i used to think it wasn't but it is

00:31:07.040 help me understand that it's okay to be lonely it's okay to not have to rely on somebody for

00:31:12.360 happiness it's okay to find yourself um find happiness within yourself like you don't need

00:31:18.940 to be you don't need to be always with somebody you're allowed to be lonely and find happiness and

00:31:26.260 sleep alone and you know you're allowed to do that stuff i think i think i think doing that

00:31:33.120 sometimes could be good for people i think i think people need to find themselves by being alone

00:31:36.960 you know okay um

00:31:39.960 i'm gonna just share a couple thoughts let me know like it's kind of like a shot in the dark

00:31:45.120 like normally i talk to people a little bit more but you let me know what

00:31:49.320 what sits with you and what doesn't

00:31:52.620 so the first thing is you kind of mentioned you know early on that you sort of feel numb

00:31:56.460 um and or desensitized i think was the word that you used and and i just heard i was because you see

00:32:04.360 you know i i don't get that from you so you seem pretty animated you seem actually pretty in touch with

00:32:11.120 your feelings like you had a really like poetic description of of you know the grind and how it's

00:32:17.380 like addictive and it makes you feel good but it like comes at a cost right like there are the high

00:32:22.240 highs they're the low lows and the scary thing about the grind is even when you're flying at the

00:32:27.140 top in the back of your mind there's like okay is this plane gonna crash and and then it can feel

00:32:33.280 really good to like have those thoughts and beat them back with like something growing bigger and

00:32:37.720 getting more viral and like you know so it's it's almost like you're conquering your demons because

00:32:41.980 you have all these doubts and stuff and like you're going higher and you're going higher and

00:32:45.760 you're going higher and as you as you put it you beat the game and then i you know i saw a couple

00:32:50.860 things from you that i i just haven't seen before except when you mentioned the loneliness so like

00:32:56.100 the first thing is you called attention to me writing which which i know i mean you know i've

00:33:01.040 been writing the whole time and like i know i've been writing the whole time but there seemed to be

00:33:04.220 something like what i actually felt in that moment is like a little bit of uh

00:33:09.680 like a little bit of uh

00:33:14.920 sensitivity like like you know like what are you writing like there's like like what what what did

00:33:22.620 i just show you that you fucking caught is like honestly what it felt like to me um and then you

00:33:30.180 also said like it and then i asked you like hey like is it okay to be lonely and you kind of said

00:33:34.380 yeah right which i i think you're a smart guy and i i think that you use your mind to

00:33:42.200 deal with a lot of your stuff i don't know how else to put it and then you you gave like a really

00:33:50.620 positive answer right like it's okay to be lonely it's okay to like feel these things and then you kind

00:33:57.280 of said it is what it is which is something that people say when something is not good

00:34:03.420 well like well there's perks there's pros and cons of everything right um i think there's times where

00:34:10.980 i'm like damn i wish i had somebody with me i wish i can enjoy life with somebody i wish i can

00:34:15.540 you know what i'm saying i think i think you know there's there's there's pros and cons out of

00:34:21.160 everything i think um you know when when when you saw me i knew you were writing this entire time

00:34:26.500 when you saw me talk to the loneliness part i yeah yeah i mean like look man i'm gonna be honest

00:34:32.740 like it's good to be lonely but there's times where i also wish i wasn't lonely of course i'll admit it

00:34:39.200 yeah you know yeah i i mean so that too it's it's kind of like there's pros and cons right so like

00:34:48.880 i'm with you there's pros and cons to being lonely is pros and cons to being married

00:34:52.560 i'm with you i think intellectually it's spot on but but i'm kind of noticing that like

00:34:58.900 anytime you kind of come up on emotion your mind kind of steps in and and sort of says like oh there

00:35:06.000 are pros and cons right it's okay to kind of feel this way but something interesting happens is that

00:35:10.260 you actually move away from the feeling by saying that does that make sense yeah it does i i i like i said

00:35:16.540 my emotions are fucked like i feel like i don't feel sometimes i try to step away i try to move

00:35:22.720 away i try to get away from the feeling part of things sometimes yeah and and why do you think

00:35:28.020 your emotions are fucked throughout my whole life i've always had trauma and i've always not really

00:35:32.940 like went through it i've always kind of just like put it as a side put it to the side

00:35:38.560 um do you feel comfortable sharing i mean i don't think this is the place to really air out all your

00:35:47.100 traumas but can you help me understand huh yeah yeah so the most traumatic thing that ever happened to

00:35:51.020 me was check this out right this is a uh story uh when i was 12 i was sleeping my uh my uncle came in

00:36:02.880 he stabbed me with a knife in my sleep you can see the mark right there it's a scarf i lay

00:36:08.920 and he thought i worked for the fbi he was on some meth holy shit man yeah yeah yeah i was 12 years old

00:36:16.920 and um it's in my sleep and i woke up to a knife and i pulled it out when i went to the hospital

00:36:21.320 yeah how does it feel to say that i'm just i don't care make they make jokes about it with me

00:36:34.880 they've actually helped me out a lot you know who's they my stream

00:36:39.480 my chat my audience like my viewers what what joke i'm confused well they just make me

00:36:50.460 like i think sometimes humor kills voids in a way like sick dark twisted jokes sure you know i mean

00:36:58.440 like i think my my audience my viewers sometimes help me like they make jokes about it so it's like

00:37:04.440 it makes it like a little bit to try to add light to the darkness of it you know

00:37:08.860 yeah i mean i i think that that's sounds i mean humor is a way that human beings cope with stuff all

00:37:17.320 the time yeah and i mean so even though that was kind of physically traumatic did it how did you

00:37:23.020 understand that did it bother you at a young age i didn't at a young age i didn't and my parents told

00:37:28.580 me they said you don't have to go to school for however long you want we're gonna put you in

00:37:32.720 therapy we're gonna do all these things and all that and i said nah i want to go to school it was

00:37:37.880 it happened on a friday i said i want friday friday uh night after school i said nah i'm going to

00:37:43.480 school monday they got me a cast i went to school i made up a lie to everybody in my class i said that

00:37:48.760 i tripped on a rusty like a rusty nail i was forgot what i said and um i ran with it are you i mean

00:37:57.100 that's impressive yeah like that's a hard 12 year old dude thank you i appreciate that yeah yeah and i

00:38:04.560 i think um i left out something as well i i i i also witnessed my grandparents having sex at eight

00:38:13.780 years old as well not with kind of witness in a way of shadows and noises and stuff

00:38:19.920 well so so it's kind of interesting because you know you call that trauma and like it's definitely

00:38:28.020 trauma yeah yeah for sure it is for sure it is uh and that and yet like what i'm actually getting the

00:38:33.060 most of you from or what i'm feeling the most of from you is actually like pride not pride i just

00:38:38.600 try to bring it pride i probably bring light to it it is dark don't get me wrong doctor it is dark

00:38:43.320 it's fucked up i just try to bring light to the situation like i think adding a piece and a scent

00:38:50.140 of dark humor to stuff is in my opinion the best way to kind of put light over it like it's like

00:38:55.460 i i i just like that's how i guess i've been dealing with it i've always just cracked dark crazy

00:39:03.860 dark jokes absolutely man i mean i i think um literally like um we can talk about this if you

00:39:10.380 if you want to at some point but i'd love to literally earlier today let's see if i can find this

00:39:16.720 my grandparents passed away now chad so please don't make any jokes thank you

00:39:23.820 uh no i'm i'm actually reading a bunch of papers about coping mechanisms and trauma

00:39:28.800 yeah and just how they they kind of change and stuff but it it's kind of interesting so i'm i'm

00:39:33.440 noticing that

00:39:34.180 you bring a lot of positive to the negative and that's what i try to do man you know what i'm saying

00:39:42.440 like i look at it like this and people always sometimes are like damn i wish when i was growing

00:39:47.880 up i didn't have it like that and i wish sometimes like it would be easier and stuff and i don't want

00:39:52.480 to sound ignorant there's definitely people that i've had it way worse than me but i've been through

00:39:56.340 some stuff you know what i mean probably there's people that are there to see hear this that have

00:40:00.960 been through way way worse than me you etc right so i don't want to sound ignorant but i think that

00:40:05.680 you got to take sometimes take the cards you're dealt with and just try your hardest in life and

00:40:12.220 give it all you got and i think part of that is finding a way to literally

00:40:18.500 kind of make your mind strong so i think when you go through these traumatic things in in life

00:40:24.900 you want to try to add some type of like light to it you know what i mean yeah absolutely so i'm i'm

00:40:30.880 hearing that yeah i i hear you dude so like what i'm getting from you is that you've you're you're a

00:40:38.760 survivor you're a thriver despite your circumstances yeah yeah i would believe so

00:40:44.460 yeah i mean i i think there's plenty of evidence for that yeah so what bothers you about so so when

00:40:52.400 you kind of say like you know you didn't feel much when you were traumatized like help me understand

00:40:58.600 that a little bit i just so when i was when i was a kid i just never liked talking about my feelings

00:41:05.200 i always just kept it in like i even though i would something bad would happen to me i would

00:41:09.940 always just find a way to just kind of like change topic and just not want to talk about it and just

00:41:13.420 not want to let it out and just really just keep it in and put in the back of my head and deal and

00:41:17.560 think about it later you know what i mean what kind of stuff would you keep in anything in general

00:41:22.620 you know i'm saying going up um just with any type of trauma any type of like my whether my parents

00:41:28.620 fighting or you know whether it just be my grandparents having sex in front of me

00:41:32.420 or whether it be you know getting stabbed in the knife in my sleep whatever it was

00:41:37.000 any type of trauma like that i would just always try to not really talk about it put in the back of

00:41:41.460 my head and forget about it well i mean it sounds like you're actually doing something similar even

00:41:45.060 today it sounds like you learned a different way of doing that which is looking at the positive

00:41:49.380 trying to put light on it cracking jokes yeah but i'm hearing that maybe at one point you were like

00:41:55.740 avoiding it or or whatever and now you've learned a different way to like move away from it

00:42:00.140 yeah definitely so let me ask you what's what's the problem with like

00:42:05.800 not feeling a whole lot scary it's scary because like i'm wondering one day is this

00:42:16.980 gonna catch up to me am i am i gonna one day one day wake up alone at 40 years old

00:42:21.380 and not have any feeling at all any type of

00:42:24.620 any type of like i don't know any type of like ambition any type of like feeling and admiration

00:42:33.540 um if i said that right sorry um if i any type of love any type of just happiness in general like am i

00:42:41.940 gonna be this empty um having like this void like am i gonna i don't know i'm scared what

00:42:49.700 what what what am i gonna feel in the next 10 years what do you think you're gonna feel in the next 10

00:42:55.640 years i don't know hopefully hopefully good i mean has has your fear of this grown or shrunk

00:43:04.600 over the last four years of what being scared about my future yeah yeah yeah i would just say

00:43:10.280 living in the moment more and i think just not really trying to think about it because i'm scared

00:43:14.100 i just listen i think nobody wants to be alone when they're older bro you you have are you married

00:43:19.140 yeah like that's your person you know i mean like that's your best friend that's your companion

00:43:23.780 that's like your rock so like you're good right how old are you if you don't want me asking

00:43:29.340 40 you're good brother you're good i'm worried at 40 years old i'm not gonna be able to find

00:43:35.100 someone genuine enough to love me for me i i wear that stuff sometimes man i worry you know um i just

00:43:42.740 worry about that yeah i mean i think it's a super legit worry dude like i think uh um you said earlier

00:43:51.060 that you're known on the internet as aiden ross yeah but you are aiden and i absolutely like

00:43:57.800 there's a decent chance you'll end up with a string of people who are not interested in aiden

00:44:02.780 but are interested in aiden ross 99 of people that's right it's fucking scary man it sounds

00:44:08.880 like the odds are stacked against you yeah but i saw myself up for it man and i used to feel bad

00:44:14.380 about it i used to hate hate it in a way but it's like i'm blessed at the end of the day man like

00:44:19.080 i've done you're doing it again what are you doing what am i doing oh adding positive to the

00:44:24.700 negative yeah damn damn that's crazy you're right i did just do that right so the interesting thing

00:44:33.100 is like like i'm with you man yeah but like

00:44:38.560 i'm gonna say something please i'm really curious and and you gotta can you do me a solid can i ask you

00:44:51.700 for something go ahead i just want you to tell me what your response is good bad whatever okay

00:44:58.920 aiden how would you feel if i said i'm sad for you

00:45:03.060 right now you just say i'm sad for you i would ask well i'd be like why are you sad for me

00:45:10.680 because i i mean you just told me that there's a 99 chance that people are going to be with you for

00:45:19.060 the wrong reason you just you're worried about being lonely my initial my initial response was

00:45:24.180 like yeah man it sucks but what could i do the truth i mean like what could i do about it you

00:45:29.940 know what i'm saying like i mean i i i it would be like yeah it does suck but i mean like what can

00:45:35.420 i do about it for real it is what it is it is what it is that's the type of vibe literally yeah

00:45:39.200 but then but then but then when i'm but then when i'm alone in my bed i'm gonna cry tonight

00:45:45.700 and i'm gonna be like damn doctor was right like damn you know i can't tell if that's a joke or not

00:45:52.980 um i get my feelings sometimes man it depends like it depends on the type of day i'm having

00:46:03.200 and what kind of day you're having today good day

00:46:07.700 does that make it more or less likely that you'll cry at night i will i was adding a little bit of

00:46:14.640 joke to that to that to that statement i don't i will i'll never cry at night alone you know what

00:46:20.660 i mean like i i just sometimes get my thoughts it's sad thoughts that come in and it's just more

00:46:26.040 thoughts that are just like think about my future it happens every so often but it just depends on the

00:46:30.840 that's all okay any second how's this going i like this what do you like about it i like having

00:46:44.140 an actual conversation with somebody that's a good conversation uh a serious conversation

00:46:49.900 i don't get a lot of these unless it's with my parents or close friends and i think meeting is

00:46:55.300 like you're a stranger to me i'm a stranger to you i think meeting a stranger and having like an

00:46:59.240 intellectual conversation like this is it's nice i like it it's something different that i usually

00:47:03.700 don't do well no wonder you're lonely damn i mean i try i'll tell you i'll tell you i know i know i

00:47:13.000 know but what did you hear there i was like damn like what damn dog like why'd you say like that

00:47:18.500 help me understand how what you heard me say i said i said it's like it's rare for me to have

00:47:26.360 intellectual conversations with strangers you said right let's wonder why you're lonely

00:47:29.960 yeah i mean i mean yeah you're right but it's hard to have intellectual conversation with strangers

00:47:35.260 that want to leech off me and use me for things it's hard to see the real people you know so yeah

00:47:40.420 so like i wasn't it wasn't like it wasn't a dig at you i know i know you're good i know

00:47:50.220 right because like i dude it's like it's hard like like you don't even get to have regular

00:47:56.040 conversations with people bro yeah so like in person when somebody recognizes me they'll come

00:48:01.020 up to me and ask for a picture they won't even i won't have a conversation it's the same script

00:48:04.720 every time hey can i get a picture they walk away it's no how's your day going it's no i'm good man

00:48:09.940 what do you do what's your name it's no hey man um what you i try i try to conversate sometimes i do

00:48:16.940 but it's it's like i would love to have a conversation with people who know me i'd love

00:48:21.440 to get to know them as well you know yeah i'm hearing aiden that you sometimes get treated almost

00:48:26.500 like an object yeah for sure and all and let me like by the way you you got to tell me if i

00:48:35.000 overstep or something okay um but like and i'm just saying like you know if you just think about it

00:48:40.640 for a second and anyone who's gets treated like an object gets treated like aiden ross instead of aiden

00:48:45.400 like like they're gonna be lonely my point my man it's very it's gonna be very hard for me to find

00:48:50.840 the one i'm not wrong yeah well i i'm a little bit more optimistic i i i think i will you think i will

00:49:01.320 i i think so thank you man i think you absolutely can so can i tell you why tell me why

00:49:08.740 um i think you're good at growing

00:49:11.540 like i i think you're good at growing like like you put your mind to something and you work on it

00:49:19.600 like you're a resilient guy uh i i think you had to learn certain ways to survive

00:49:26.880 and you paid the price for that in a weird way so like the weird thing is if you look at our brain

00:49:35.300 like our brain can't selectively suppress emotions so what it learns how to do is shut them like you

00:49:41.300 can turn down the volume but it's not like you can just turn down the volume on some instruments

00:49:46.420 there's a song playing you either turn down the volume or you turn it up

00:49:49.700 and what i'm hearing from you is that you turn down the volume a lot and over time you've actually

00:49:53.780 learned healthier ways to turn down the volume and so what you used to do is like i'm not quite quite

00:50:01.460 sure what not really i mean we can if you want to at the end i can pull out an ipad and walk you

00:50:06.420 through like you know almost like lecture style like what traumatic coping mechanisms look like in

00:50:12.020 the evolution of coping mechanisms and stuff but and then now i'm hearing like a lot of you know

00:50:18.260 something that is on the vert so a lot of humor but also like a lot of like fatalistic acceptance

00:50:24.500 and almost like resignation yeah so is that is that a good or bad thing it's neither it's a strategy

00:50:32.340 so i think that on the one hand if you don't like because here's the thing if you were alone at the

00:50:37.540 age of 40 how would you feel about that if i was alone at the age of 40 i don't but i don't know doctor

00:50:44.980 i don't know how my brain's gonna be i don't know you know what i mean let me toss something out you see

00:50:49.540 if if it sits with you okay okay i think you would be like kinda okay with it because you knew that

00:50:56.020 this would happen right you always knew that the deck was stacked against you 99 of people

00:51:01.060 are gonna see aiden ross and not aiden like you saw it coming like you see it coming

00:51:05.540 even today yeah and so like you're not gonna be surprised yeah but doctor who wants to be 40 and alone bro

00:51:13.140 i mean i i think no one yeah

00:51:26.020 i i mean i i i'm hearing what are you what where's what are you feeling when you say that

00:51:34.020 who wants to be 40 years old and alone you know it's just like when you when i think about it's

00:51:37.620 like damn like it's a realization it's like who actually wants to be 40 years old and alone

00:51:43.140 waking up alone i could have a billion dollars in my bank account doctor i still would not want to

00:51:48.500 be 40 and alone i'd rather have less than a billion you would trade that much money for what

00:51:57.460 a real one a best friend a companion what's it like to want that

00:52:04.500 i just think like right now it's like i'm chilling but i just think like later on it's gonna be harder

00:52:21.780 i think it hurts right now no because i'm so distracted right now there's so much going on

00:52:32.980 i'm like distracted i'm doing a lot when i'm not streaming i'm still you know what i'm saying i'm

00:52:36.580 doing something yeah but so when you say it's gonna be hard like what does that mean i think it

00:52:41.780 i think when i'm like 30 most of my friends are gonna be married with kids

00:52:44.580 and they're gonna be doing their own lives and they're not really gonna have time to be kicking

00:52:50.180 on me anymore and i don't know what i'm gonna be doing with this stuff anymore hopefully i'm still

00:52:54.980 doing it who knows but if i'm sitting there i got nothing going on no career at that point i don't

00:53:01.460 want to think that far like as far as like career wise but i mean like i i like to think because i don't

00:53:06.580 know this game i don't know i don't know what i'm i don't know what i'm doing but i just wanna i

00:53:11.460 wanna figure out i'm sorry it's okay it's okay to be scared dude yeah i think that's what makes me

00:53:16.900 human yeah and i i think when you don't let yourself be scared that's what makes you not human

00:53:23.460 yeah that's what makes you a robot true right and and i i think that there's like i mean by the way

00:53:31.780 am i like beating you up here you're not you're making me think actually i like thinking okay how do

00:53:37.540 you feel about feeling i love feeling i love feeling feelings are you feeling feelings now i

00:53:43.860 am feeling feelings with you i am what are you feeling i'm feeling very curious i'm feeling very

00:53:50.580 like open-minded i'm feeling very um interested in this conversation for real i really am i like it a lot

00:53:58.900 okay okay so let me toss some stuff at you okay we doing all right can i can i keep going i love

00:54:09.940 it yeah of course okay of course um i mean so so here's here's kind of like

00:54:18.420 i i i think it's like it so so it's really interesting because i think you intellectually

00:54:23.220 understand what you feel i think you just won't let yourself feel it right so like you recognize

00:54:29.780 you're you're scared you recognize you're lonely you know you use these words that are like

00:54:36.740 emotionally bland so you say it's gonna be hard yeah but like and i i get that and you're right

00:54:43.620 it's 100 accurate but it's also like you're turning off the color on the tv

00:54:48.980 true like like okay doctor can i tell you something yeah like have you okay have you

00:54:54.820 ever obviously i'm not trying to bring this up if you're like if you don't want to talk about it

00:54:58.500 that's fine i completely understand when you before your wife like you were with many women

00:55:02.260 right that you probably had no connection with sure what i'm trying to get at is like when you

00:55:08.900 when i if you get with a lot of girls there's no connection or anything it's called like in my

00:55:12.820 generation i don't know what it's called in your boomer generation for me it's called

00:55:15.860 fucking hoes it gets old like nobody wants to keep fucking hoes i don't want to be 30 40 years old

00:55:20.980 fucking bitches i want to be 40 years old with a wife and kids that's the goal correct right like

00:55:26.020 that's like the fulfillment but i think like when you're when you're when you're if you if you do that

00:55:31.780 for your whole life it's depressing and there's a void and you're not fulfilling anything it's just

00:55:36.500 like you're fucking a bunch of hoes so you realize that you're the hoe like you're the one that's doing

00:55:41.380 that these that's how it is now my generation is up doctor you know how bad like these girls

00:55:47.860 doctors so fucked bro it's bad it's very bad it's been very hard or as it is being me and on top of

00:55:54.420 that it's gonna be hard in general because these girls nowadays doctor they're fucking it's bad bro

00:55:59.620 i might just go gay fuck it it's a joke that was a joke that was a joke i'm sorry sure sure sure all

00:56:06.020 right so let me tell you what i heard yeah um i think there was a really important communication

00:56:11.940 in there i just don't know if my boomer ass can decipher it yeah let's help me out bro okay so what

00:56:17.860 i'm hearing is that like there's a certain amount of pleasure in sexual activity yes but there's a

00:56:24.980 lack of fulfillment of course after i not i want the bitch to not talk doing i'm not sorry i'm just

00:56:31.140 sorry i want i want the girl the female the queen to not speak to me look at me leave yes why that's

00:56:37.220 unfulfillment sex it doesn't make sense why am i having unfulfillment sex i'd rather why do you want

00:56:43.060 those things why don't you want them to talk to you afterward there's no point what but so this is what

00:56:49.540 i'm confused about so you're engaging in this behavior and there's some rules to the behavior and

00:56:53.940 then you feel unfulfilled and then as you get in your words aiden you become the hoe so like i think

00:57:01.300 somewhere somewhere in there like you end up in a like i don't know what that means like okay i don't

00:57:08.980 think it's good it's not it's not good that's why i stopped fucking getting with girls for no reason

00:57:13.860 like i stopped doing that right yeah yeah there's no point like it's definitely not good it's post about

00:57:19.460 clarity you know what that is obviously right sure after i nut like in the moment i'm like yeah i like

00:57:25.860 you so what are you looking for before to get my nut off okay but like and then how do you but post not

00:57:33.300 you're telling me post not clarity is unfulfilling and makes you feel like a hoe yeah but in the moment

00:57:38.180 doc it feels good i mean like you know what i mean yeah yeah but i mean so so sure so like sex is fun

00:57:45.460 i'm with you okay but like like what i'm kind of pointing out is like you're engaging in behavior

00:57:51.860 that makes you feel cheap yes that makes you feel unfulfilled yes yes correct that's why i'm telling

00:57:58.580 you like i don't see the point it gets old like i feel like when you when you when you get with girls

00:58:03.460 for an unfulfillment post not clarity it's pointless it gets it gets old after a while you know what i mean

00:58:08.980 yes so maybe this is a whole conversation for a different day i'm just gonna toss this out there

00:58:15.220 there is a connection between the way you treat yourself and the way that you treat other people

00:58:20.340 hundred percent right yeah so you hearing what i'm saying no can you break it down please yeah sure

00:58:29.700 so like i hear you use a particular kind of language and also engage in a particular kind

00:58:35.380 of relationship with people that you're sexually active with yeah because doctor there's a difference

00:58:40.580 between a girl like a genuine like okay girls are girls but doctors the difference between

00:58:46.820 a girl and a and a whole like like it's different it's different like a queen and a hoe it's two

00:58:52.420 different girls like i'm trying to tell you like i want to find a queen i i fuck the hose the hose got

00:58:57.220 it they can you know what i'm saying like there's no like what's my bad i gotta just i gotta start

00:59:02.980 what's the difference doctor you're not gonna marry a hoe you're gonna marry a queen

00:59:06.820 what's the difference a hoe is a girl that if i literally dm right now um she'll she'll she'll

00:59:17.220 she'll literally come over first night give it up like i don't gotta take her out i don't gotta

00:59:23.140 conversate with her it's just like you know what i'm trying to say so

00:59:31.060 that is a hoe i don't want to wife that you wouldn't want either

00:59:37.620 you wouldn't trust me you wouldn't because you would not bro they're solace you you know nothing

00:59:45.860 about my relationship right well no i'm just assuming nobody wants to wife a hoe doc

00:59:51.860 so here's here's what i'm hearing to be honest aiden i think i think a lot of it's in your head

00:59:56.900 like so i've seen relationships where that start off with sexual promiscuity that end up in that are

01:00:03.540 happily married yeah yeah and i've seen relationships that they wait until marriage that end up in divorce

01:00:13.540 yeah but yeah yeah no you're not wrong that's why like 70 percent of there's like isn't the divorce

01:00:17.860 rate like higher than it's ever been right now i don't know i don't it's it's been a while it's

01:00:23.460 been high for a while yeah it's about 50 percent like sub 50. it's crazy and you know people that

01:00:28.660 aren't even divorced they probably some of them not all of them i'm not gonna assume but most of them

01:00:33.220 they're unhappy and they want to get divorced but they won't because of financial support because they

01:00:37.140 have kids etc so like a lot of people are unhappy in their marriages that are still actively in their

01:00:42.420 marriages you know so sure i i mean i i think i think we're this is getting to because i i think

01:00:49.860 the a lot of this has to do with the way that you perceive these people so like i know this sounds

01:00:54.340 kind of weird but like it sounds like your your determination of whether someone is

01:01:02.500 worthy or not worthy of marriage has to do with their behavior that's what i'm hearing

01:01:06.820 100 definitely right so so i know it sounds kind of weird but like whether someone is worthy or not

01:01:14.900 may have to do with your attitude too 100 but you have to understand like you're not wrong what you

01:01:20.500 just said that's why i stopped doing it like if a girl if i dm a girl what are you doing tonight

01:01:26.500 come over whatever she comes over and like i put on a movie i know what's about to happen it's like i

01:01:31.700 i don't have like it's like it's it doesn't feel like it's like how do i put this after i'm done

01:01:39.380 with what i want to do i want her out it's not about me being a bad person like i'm not a bad person

01:01:45.380 for that i promise you i'm not no i mean i i think i think if like people are if it's consensual and

01:01:50.180 people are not interested in romantic attachments and like two people want to get together and have

01:01:54.100 sex i don't think there's anything wrong with that there's right as long as you're not disrespectful

01:01:57.620 and it's consensual i would i would say there's not but like i actually i agree with you on that

01:02:01.860 there's like nothing wrong with you know i mean like two people coming together and do what they

01:02:05.380 want to do and part of ways 100 but like i'm a sapiosexual you know what that is attracted to

01:02:13.300 intelligence no i mean demisexual like i like i'm attracted to like someone that like i have feelings

01:02:20.500 for i can only now i'm at the point in my life where i can only have sexual stuff with somebody i actually

01:02:26.100 like like i have feelings for i can't i can't do stuff with girls i have no sure yeah so let's

01:02:33.780 but like what determines whether you have feelings for someone if i like them and they like me and we

01:02:39.380 compensate and i feel good energy and i feel really good around them and they feel really good about

01:02:42.580 around me okay

01:02:48.020 so i'm gonna toss something out there sure

01:02:50.020 can i think for a second yeah doctor let me pee real quick is that okay absolutely man

01:02:59.300 chat what the chat he's a boomer so he doesn't understand but

01:03:01.860 fucking hose y'all won't talk about chat y'all are not wiping those correct chat

01:03:07.940 go go go go

01:03:13.140 this may take longer than two hours

01:03:34.660 oh he's a he's a he's like honest guy you got to give him that he's very authentic tries i got a lot of

01:03:42.260 the genuineness very genuine

01:03:51.540 so

01:03:53.540 so

01:03:55.540 so

01:04:03.540 so

01:04:05.540 okay

01:04:14.660 you doing good yeah i'm all right how you doing okay i didn't wash my hands so

01:04:19.460 whatever man it's your place you live alone cool um so

01:04:24.260 okay how how confident are you in the stuff that you're explaining to me that there's like

01:04:36.820 two kinds of women in this world pretty confident okay and help me understand where that confidence comes from

01:04:43.540 uh being with hoes and being with queens there's two differences okay so what's it what is it

01:04:53.700 what does it feel like to be with one versus the other oh you want to have sex with and then you want

01:04:59.300 her to get out the queen you could have sex with it's i call making love okay because you're you guys

01:05:04.820 both like each other it's different it's it's more it's better it feels better you know what i'm saying

01:05:08.820 you know what i'm saying and then and then after after you're done with the with the queen sex you

01:05:12.900 guys cuddle you you rub each other you watch you watch tv you watch more tv so so i know it sounds

01:05:19.380 kind of weird aiden but what i'm hearing is that the difference isn't in the person the difference is

01:05:23.940 in your reaction to the person yeah definitely right so so i know it sounds kind of weird but if

01:05:30.980 if the difference is in you not necessarily okay so check this out right let me let me give you an

01:05:36.500 example let's say there's a girl named tasha tasha hold on one second sorry you're saying tasha

01:05:44.420 fucks larry and then she fucks joseph and then she fucks aiden back to back to back nights that is a ho

01:05:57.060 okay what what what is that what are you saying i'm trying to break it down like that's that's

01:06:04.420 that's like a hoe that's that's you know what i'm saying so a queen it's it's yeah it's about

01:06:10.740 my defining of the behavior of these women but a queen is someone who

01:06:17.220 how do i say this it's like in their own like they're they're

01:06:22.180 okay aiden forget about everything you're explaining for a second okay and listen to you

01:06:27.140 okay so when i ask you what's the difference you say that the way that that you feel with them is

01:06:34.340 different yes right like that's it because with both of them you know there's intercourse but in

01:06:42.420 one case it's and in one case it's making love that's correct what's the difference aiden between

01:06:49.060 and making love making love is better you know what i'm saying fine one is better yeah i don't

01:06:56.260 know if i entirely agree with you there but you have a wife you know i mean like so you know what

01:07:00.100 it's like like you do know what it's like though okay the conversation for a different day but what

01:07:08.980 what i'm what what else is different when you're in love with somebody and you make love to them

01:07:15.460 it's way better than sure it's better but what makes it better because when you

01:07:21.620 the hoe you know you don't want you don't want nothing to do with them anymore you don't want to

01:07:25.700 you don't want any you don't want to talk look you want them out of your room okay so let me explain

01:07:30.820 let me just point out but the difference is in you it's not in the person you're saying you don't

01:07:36.500 want to it's the emotional connection or lack okay so the difference between and making love

01:07:41.620 is your emotional connection to the person yeah okay so the first thing is like that's not their

01:07:49.860 behavior now we're gonna get to behavior in a second that's coming from you well yeah technically yes

01:07:55.700 okay so i don't know if i'm gonna get banned for using this word ho but so i'm not gonna use that

01:08:03.460 word you could also i consider it disrespectful but that's fine i mean you use the whatever language

01:08:08.340 you want to so let me ask you this is it possible to fall in love with someone with whom you have

01:08:18.020 you start off by having meaningless sex yes it is

01:08:24.820 okay right so then then like love is not determined by them it's still something within you

01:08:32.900 correct but falling in love with a hoe is a no-no

01:08:34.980 okay why

01:08:42.660 it's bad they got ho tendencies they're gonna end up fucking you over they're gonna have

01:08:45.780 divorcing you once they get once a baby pops out and they're gonna get some child support money

01:08:49.940 so no no how do you know what they're gonna do doc i'm just like they have tendencies brother they they

01:08:57.620 they they fought to get to the top they fought to for money they fought they did for where are you

01:09:03.460 doing this it's what hoes do my generation it's different brother you're 40 i'm 20. it's split in

01:09:09.300 half i'm telling you my generation is bad bro you should see what these women do it's very up

01:09:15.940 no i i i'm asking so please think about the question for a second where are you getting your

01:09:21.780 information my experience your personal experience yes and and my my my peers my other people my

01:09:29.940 space my base like work buddies um um i would say other so this is what i i'm not i'm not i'm not

01:09:39.140 saying you're wrong i'm just genuinely trying to understand right because i i know it sounds kind of

01:09:43.860 weird but like i know your regeneration really well are you doing my generation 100 man it's bad so you

01:09:50.740 can admit it's bad right i think there are parts that are bad for sure my generation is full bunch

01:09:57.860 of tick tock low attention span brain kid children and and and and and and um like literally i said

01:10:05.380 children but obviously like the 20s like 18 19 year olds that's what i meant by that like it's it's

01:10:11.140 very bad i i'm a tick tock brain myself doctor so and this may sound weird like and we i'm not right

01:10:17.140 here okay yeah your generation is full of human beings trying to make it in this world just like

01:10:21.620 every generation of before the world has changed yes right i'm with you but like i still think it's

01:10:28.180 like you know this is the kind of thing where i wonder a little bit about like when you engage in

01:10:34.580 a transactional relationship with someone from the get-go and you treat them transactionally

01:10:41.620 i think it's reasonable that you're gonna get that in return right right and so like when when you say

01:10:51.940 like these people are gonna behave like this like i know it sounds kind of silly but i'm really not

01:10:57.780 trying to be a dick here you understand that people's behavior is not solely based on them

01:11:03.780 it also is influenced by you so a girl acting and behaving like a hoe is influenced by me 100

01:11:14.260 right so like i'm a human being and you're a human being right if i came to you and i said

01:11:20.020 aiden you're a fuck nut you don't know what you're talking about you're all fucked up in the head

01:11:24.820 i'm going to i've gone to harvard medical school i am doctor i am psychiatrist aiden you don't know what

01:11:30.580 you are doing you need to get married i will find you wife we'll go find you nice girl she will be

01:11:37.140 good she'll be good girl not these people you are dating on the tinder and the bumble and the hinge and

01:11:44.500 all of this like you will you need to settle down now oh this is not fair come on bro this is great

01:11:50.980 this is great right so like if i approached you like that how would you respond laugh

01:11:58.100 like laugh okay right so the way i interact with you

01:12:05.540 is gonna determine how you interact with me that's correct i actually get what you're saying thank you

01:12:10.660 for that putting it like that i thank you right so so like my point here is that i i mean i i don't

01:12:17.060 know what i'm even talking about here or where this is going but like i i don't doubt that your experience

01:12:22.820 is the way that it is but my point is that like you know so i work with patients who are narcissists

01:12:28.340 i think am i am i am i narcissist by the way you're speaking with me or no

01:12:33.460 i don't know it's too early to tell you

01:12:39.460 definitely too early to tell so so like from a diagnostic perspective the the diagnosis of

01:12:44.260 narcissistic personality disorder requires like a very long history of like understanding a lot more

01:12:50.340 stuff i think the other thing that's complicated is that content creators by definition become more

01:12:57.060 narcissistic because that's the only way you can survive content creation thank you for actually

01:13:02.100 saying that you're not wrong i've changed i think i am i i definitely give up narcissistic tendencies

01:13:07.300 you're actually 100 incredible you just said when you're a consecrated you've been in it for a long

01:13:10.900 time like it's like you look at view count your money all these things so many yeah yeah views

01:13:16.660 so so i i i'm not going to label you a narcissist or not and if there's narcissistic behavior here

01:13:22.020 i think it's like defensive in nature is my gut check for most content creators okay so what do you

01:13:26.980 diagnose me as is there anything you can diagnose me i would not diagnose you with

01:13:30.580 bro really yeah well like literally i wouldn't diagnose you with anything because that's this is not

01:13:36.820 medical care and if you want to understand the process of diagnosis sorry to disappoint no don't

01:13:41.700 worry you're up in some way i just won't say it for me no i'm kidding no what the no and so

01:13:47.620 seriously what it is is that the the questions that determine a diagnosis are very different from

01:13:52.500 what we're doing wait doctor can you can you diet can you prescribe me lean what is lean a four

01:14:00.020 what a four what i don't understand the question cough syrup promethazine codeine like you know what

01:14:08.180 i'm saying yeah no um but let's can i go back to this thing about the way we relate to so so like

01:14:15.780 your behavior influences someone else's behavior right and their behavior influences your behavior

01:14:22.820 and so i i think that like what i'm worried about is is that so you don't want to end up alone so like

01:14:33.060 i i don't want you to end up alone aiden i want you to be happy you seem like a good dude you seem

01:14:38.500 like a dude who's just doing your best and you do some things really well and and somewhere along the

01:14:45.380 way you've conceived of a world view which i don't think is the best what do you mean i'll get to that

01:14:55.940 in a second so because i'm trying to i'm challenging your beliefs right yeah i i yeah yeah i just i i i

01:15:03.940 agree with the part where you're doing the best i just i didn't know what you meant by the other part

01:15:07.700 yeah i'm getting to that okay so like like first thing to understand is that your relationships with

01:15:12.820 women are not like it's not like there's two camps of women yeah there is

01:15:21.860 there is the doctor like okay you can i get it you can split you you can you can choose to judge

01:15:27.460 people that way yes but that's me being being ignorant then if you want to say that but yes i i

01:15:32.020 will yeah you can choose to judge people i'm i'm telling you like scientifically it's just not

01:15:37.940 it's not like there's two kinds of like so human beings are complex creatures

01:15:42.020 yeah so like you're not you're not a dick or a hoe or anything like that you're you're just a human

01:15:46.740 being who has gone through life and your brain has wired your psychology has wired so that you have a

01:15:55.220 constellation of stuff like you're a complex guy yes right there are times where you feel like a hoe

01:16:01.700 because you had a lot of meaningless sex and there are times where you feel in love and there are times

01:16:07.460 where the scariest thing of all you fall in love with someone who you judge as being not a queen

01:16:13.300 yes you're right you're right you're scary and and then what happens is you your mind does the same

01:16:18.820 shit it does with all these other emotions where it's like would you let yourself fall in love with

01:16:24.020 someone who's not a queen no absolutely right so in comes the humor in comes the suppression yeah in comes

01:16:31.860 that i never feel anything yes in comes the like all that other because somewhere along the way so

01:16:36.820 then you won't let yourself love and then from the outside that's not true though doctor listen because

01:16:43.620 it's not it's not because doctor nobody wants to marry a whole well not nobody i'm speaking you're

01:16:47.860 right i'm ignorantly speaking from my based on my perspective i don't want i don't want to marry you

01:16:52.500 let me finish i'm just talking hypothetically here okay all right well yeah my point is like if we put

01:16:56.980 ourselves in the shoes of the women that you interact with right they can label you as one of

01:17:03.300 two things right i don't even know what the they are but forget about it they can judge you oh this

01:17:07.540 guy's an asshole or this guy's a prince whatever right yeah and and there are certainly people that

01:17:13.220 are going to do that my point is that you are a complex human being that has a lot of going on

01:17:19.060 definitely and and that your interactions with women may be easily judged as this guy texted me and now

01:17:26.660 he's whatever he's a player like whatever he's an asshole whatever he's toxic whatever they can

01:17:31.060 label you with that but my point is that there's a whole complicated like internal like

01:17:36.340 stuff going on you're like a whole universe in there man yeah you're not wrong um i'll give you

01:17:42.100 an example right doctor i want to ask you a question okay and you be honest and everyone can answer this

01:17:49.700 the honest way possible would you rather you're already married so just pretend you're not married

01:17:55.940 pretend you're an 18 year old doctor okay well what were you doing when you were 18 mostly playing

01:18:02.820 video games what game uh maybe diablo uh starcraft okay you're 18 years old playing starcraft

01:18:14.420 right yeah there's a girl on instagram at the time let's just say there's instagram there's a girl

01:18:20.740 on instagram who's got hella followers shows her ass off all over instagram all this stuff her tits

01:18:26.420 everything right you invite her over she comes over doc right away you you text her hey what you doing

01:18:33.300 tonight want to pull up she's like sure let's watch a movie tonight the new the new uh uh uh stranger

01:18:39.060 things came out season let's watch it tonight she pulls up you put on for five minutes she starts rubbing

01:18:44.740 your dick you start kissing you okay you want her to leave her right away because come on look how easy

01:18:49.540 that was you want you want a challenge you don't you don't want that listen to this you go to europe for

01:18:55.220 vacation you meet a girl you meet a girl over in europe she's maybe had one or two guys she she's fully

01:19:10.980 clothes it doesn't really matter the clothing part but she just has she's has she has an intellectual

01:19:16.340 conversation to do about stuff you guys go on a couple dates you really are starting to like this

01:19:20.820 girl she's starting to like you as well does it matter i'm sorry what's one would you rather go with

01:19:31.700 go with for what like which one would you rather marry i'm sorry

01:19:36.260 you i don't think that the variables that you described would be very important for i completely

01:19:44.100 said that wrong i'm sorry like i should have explained it and got it out better but you got

01:19:48.900 to get what i'm saying you know what i'm trying to say so so yeah i here's what i hear you say you're

01:19:53.700 trying to put it put me in a hypothetical example yeah in which you paint someone who's like got this

01:20:00.500 extreme and then you paint someone who's got this extreme yeah and you're kind of pointing out to me hey

01:20:05.540 nuts it's not that complicated yeah there's two types of women in this world which one would you

01:20:11.060 rather marry bro yeah and then and then if i say i would rather marry this one right let's say i'd

01:20:16.980 rather marry the european then how would you feel like good doctor you're smart and if i said the other

01:20:26.100 one doctor no brother that's not that's the one you don't want to marry go marry the other girl she's

01:20:30.980 better for you bro all right doctor oh i got you let me let me let me let me let me bring it out

01:20:42.340 this instagram girl she has two baby daddies two different guys she has uh uh 500 bodies and um

01:20:50.740 she uh i told you she's like half naked on instagram okay this other girl the european girl no social

01:20:59.540 media you know what i'm saying um she has two bodies and she just you guys hit it off intellectually

01:21:09.700 like you guys are like it just feels so good it feels like you guys are connected who'd you

01:21:14.660 rather marry so answer chat let's assume let's say that i marry the european i'd rather marry the

01:21:20.500 european right but but i think there's a big difference because you're presupposing that one

01:21:23.860 of them has an emotional connection yes the real question is if you also like because you're saying

01:21:28.100 that the emotional connection so what are you what are you hearing me saying i know i'm happy i'm happy

01:21:34.980 to say what like you can construct the scenario in whatever way like you get that you can construct the

01:21:39.460 scenario in whatever way if one of them has a year to live has cancer has hiv has all this

01:21:45.380 shit and and this is the other thing is what you it's subtle right because you're doing something

01:21:49.380 really interesting you're adding promiscuity to a set of other negative traits sorry what's

01:21:56.020 promiscuity i'm sorry i'm just not having sex with a lot of people right you're not saying the

01:22:01.620 scenario you're giving me is rigged right because it's not like you meet this person she's only been

01:22:06.980 she's she's intellectual she's beautiful she's amazing she's a saint she's awesome she's european

01:22:13.780 because apparently that has some extra appeal and she slept with 500 dudes

01:22:20.020 right like so like you're sort of creating this scenario where like there's promiscuity on one

01:22:24.820 side or like having sex with a lot of dudes but there's also a shitload of other things and then

01:22:29.860 if i keep on saying no what are you going to keep doing you're going to keep on adding other shit

01:22:33.620 if i was until you get a yes if i was your boy okay i'm talking about the scenario you just got

01:22:41.620 to get it you're you're actually politically correct the way you're wording things you're

01:22:45.540 right technically there's so many different breakdowns you give me and stuff you're you're

01:22:49.140 not wrong what i'm trying to say is bro if i have a boy who is dating a hoe if everyone you

01:22:55.540 guys want if you have a boy who is with a hoe with a girl who is just wrong to him to all these

01:23:00.500 things like is what do you mean by wrong to him just sorry not wrong to him specifically just wrong

01:23:04.660 like a girl that has her morals all up right and nobody's perfect by the way i'm just saying like

01:23:10.340 it's as my boy if my boy was in that situation be like yo bro no no no no no get another one

01:23:17.620 okay so let me ask you something yeah do you think people who are very sexually active can end up in

01:23:23.940 happy fulfilled marriages yes there's these things called whole phases in my generation

01:23:28.580 everyone goes through a whole phase doc okay i i went through a whole phase i don't want to go

01:23:32.820 through a whole phase anymore now i'm allowed to go through a whole phase but if a bitch goes through

01:23:40.100 a whole phase no send her ass to the curb that was a joke is that a joke yes yes yes yes it's a joke

01:23:49.780 so so women everyone's allowed to go through a whole phase

01:23:55.460 i okay can i be honest with you a girl's allowed to go through a whole phase if she's

01:23:59.700 up front honest about it i think not a girl in general i think everyone is if you're up front

01:24:05.060 honest about your whole past and tell them like everything what you've done and you're very direct

01:24:08.820 and you don't find anything out like that's hidden stuff i'm okay with that i think when you're older

01:24:13.060 people realize that like it's cool like it's not cool i mean i think i think honesty and transparency

01:24:18.500 and authenticity are important parts of relationship i think so too but a lot of a lot of

01:24:24.100 a lot of girls lie about their body counts a lot of girls lie about their past and stuff

01:24:27.620 in my generation all about why do you think that is insecurity what does that mean women

01:24:34.420 if a woman has a lot of bodies she's known as oh my generation

01:24:40.340 and whose fault is that the girl i don't think so right because what the girl is trying to do is

01:24:48.180 avoid your judgment yeah but she should be honest you know my mom said my mom said you shouldn't lie

01:24:53.940 you lie you're gonna i don't know what we're talking okay andrew let me take a step back is this

01:25:00.100 is this useful do you think this is a good conversation no why don't we go into something

01:25:05.140 that makes more sense this is like a stupid topic what makes this stupid it just doesn't really it's

01:25:10.900 just like dumb it's like you you you and i see different you know i mean like it's like there's no

01:25:15.140 point to really talk about it and it's just like i agree i agree with you that there is less point

01:25:20.500 to talk about this yeah i'm just a little bit curious what did you hear me say about like this

01:25:26.180 whole like what determines whether someone is a hoe or a queen not gonna lie doctor i'm not trying to

01:25:31.700 be ignorant but i think like my perspective and experience on life makes me like i already have

01:25:35.780 this like in my head like it is ignorant it is like super like judgmental and stuff like and i'm

01:25:41.620 admitting that but like it's it's like i already have like i already kind of like know like what i

01:25:46.180 want in a woman and i already kind of know what i well i told you doc i mean i might not even

01:25:50.420 get what i want who knows yeah i so i'm i'm hearing that you're not open-minded on this topic yeah i just

01:26:00.420 think we should move on it's just like it's pointless it's like it doesn't seem like it's not that it's

01:26:06.500 pointless it's just like it's just like there's a lot more topics we could have that are way more

01:26:11.140 interesting okay what's pointless about this because you and i see different like i i see

01:26:21.060 different yeah i think we see different and i think you're correct with a with a lot you're saying

01:26:26.740 in in the way you're speaking but like i have i have a different perspective i think than you you do

01:26:31.780 like i think like my perspective like i i've already like experienced what i've experienced so

01:26:35.780 like i'm automatically gonna think the way i think does that make sense like i already have like yeah

01:26:40.900 so so uh so that i we don't have to talk about it more but i just want to share one last thing with

01:26:45.780 you is like so i think that's what makes it worth talking about is that you have an automatic

01:26:50.660 perspective yeah definitely right yeah yeah for sure and so i think one of the really interesting

01:26:56.020 things is if like as we go through life it is very normal for us to form conclusions about how life

01:27:03.220 works how people work right and then the interesting thing is that if we stop and re-examine

01:27:12.100 our life we can come to different conclusions yeah i agree

01:27:19.540 we're not we don't have to continue okay the reason i brought some of this stuff up in the first

01:27:24.420 place i don't even know where this came from i know i know i i think the one thing that i'm i'm

01:27:29.300 trying to signal to you is a couple of things one is that it seems like having sex and making love

01:27:37.860 has more to do with what's in the inside of you than it does i agree okay so that's the first thing

01:27:45.220 the second thing is that and i'll tell you why i'm even talking about this now because i mean i have a

01:27:51.060 reason why i think this is important is that i'm concerned aiden that so i want to help you not be

01:27:57.860 alone at the age of 30 let alone 40 whatever okay and the thing is just based on once again my

01:28:02.740 experience and the whole point of having conversations is that we're going to have

01:28:05.940 different experiences of life we're going to come to different conclusions right totally cool and then

01:28:10.820 the neat thing is that maybe i'm trying to tell you to get on a chair and you're just saying

01:28:17.780 you uh sorry what you were saying like don't climb on the table and you're like no i when someone tells

01:28:21.860 me to climb on the table i gotta climb on the table so i'm wondering if that's going on here

01:28:25.460 but my point is that i i think first of all you're the way that you relate to women has more to do with

01:28:34.340 i i feel like i'm getting a disconnection so sometimes when you talk about it it seems like

01:28:40.180 your interactions with women are determined by them like this person is this way because of their

01:28:45.380 behavior this person is this way because of their behavior i don't judge i don't judge anybody based

01:28:49.140 on their past i come from a that past i had a whole face myself i'm i'm just saying like like go ahead

01:28:55.060 go ahead go ahead yeah my i'm not necessarily saying that you my point is that it's determined out there

01:29:01.140 like women are there are two types of women right there's hoes and queens a hundred percent yes in my

01:29:06.580 generation doc whatever whatever i'm no that's not what i promise you my point is that like you

01:29:13.300 something within you determines whether you're or making love it's not just them right yeah and

01:29:20.660 the reason that's important to me is because you want to end up with someone that you want to make

01:29:24.900 love with that's correct right and so then the question becomes if you want to end up with someone

01:29:30.020 that you want to make love with and you can have feelings for i'm trying to think of a word that's

01:29:39.540 not hope but i just can't think of anything all right so you and my point is that there could be

01:29:44.500 a group of people like like like there could be someone out there that you fall in love with that

01:29:50.260 could be a successful relationship and i say this as someone who's worked with just to give you an

01:29:55.140 example we don't have to get more into this i don't need to i just want you to understand one thing

01:29:59.220 and you don't have to understand if you disagree is that you have a contribution there's something in

01:30:03.940 here that determines the way that you relate to people women that's all i want you to take away

01:30:11.060 from this and if we can agree on that we can move on um wait so say that last part again something in

01:30:18.740 here determines your relationship with a woman that's it yes it's actually right here in my brain

01:30:26.020 yes not my heart my brain nothing in here changes your relationship to oh my penis no no your heart

01:30:34.420 i mean sure your penis your brain you're i can't tell if you're joking or you really don't think

01:30:40.100 bro doctor i get what you're saying you're correct i'm like you everything you're saying i get it i i

01:30:45.380 told you i'm ignorant based on perspectives in my life i'm ignorant you're probably right there's

01:30:49.940 probably girls out there that have had a whole past that are queens now great but my perspective my

01:30:54.660 generation there's some up girls who up things and i and i try to not put myself in that position so

01:31:01.060 sure sure so so i i think that that like my point is that the way you all i'm getting what are you

01:31:06.580 hearing me what are you hearing me conclude that it's my heart that basically is the reason why df3

01:31:15.860 deteriorate women the the you what do you forget divide women up to queens and hoes no no no no no

01:31:25.140 actually not exactly so here's what i'm saying all i want you to just really think about yeah is that

01:31:30.580 in a relationship with another human being yeah that relationship is not determined by who they are

01:31:37.380 it is determined they bring a piece of it to the table and you bring a piece of it to the table

01:31:44.740 okay yes okay and now we're gonna get to like the stuff that we were talking about earlier which is

01:31:49.780 like the lack of sensitivity that you have so you feel numb in some way correct okay so

01:31:59.300 it feels weird to go back here no go ahead i'm cool with this bro we can go back to the other topic

01:32:05.700 go ahead but but so so i'm just so derailed why give me a second why are you derailed

01:32:15.780 there's a whole different energy and dynamic to this con the conversation we just had about

01:32:20.820 relationships to the conversation we were having before i agree the energy definitely shifted doc i agree

01:32:25.220 right right so it just takes me a second to like move away from that i was also

01:32:33.940 the language that you used changed the way that i felt in the conversation well yeah i used ho and i

01:32:41.380 use queen yes yeah yeah so it's just that affects me yeah yeah why does it affect you

01:32:47.540 why does it affect me or how does it affect me

01:32:56.500 both why how does it affect you why did that why does that the first thing is that i feel

01:33:01.140 uncomfortable and defensive being in a conversation where that language is being used

01:33:07.220 that's just our generation how we speak like it's like you you said it when you first joined i'm a

01:33:12.500 boomer right i don't need i don't need a reason i'm just sharing with you why it's hard for me to

01:33:18.100 make the shift okay but i'm just i know i'm just trying to leave that out there that's all right

01:33:22.900 that's it's like you know you use that language and and whatever you can call it generational if you

01:33:27.620 want to i think it is huh i i said i believe it's generational most people that yeah you know and so

01:33:36.020 that's just that that's just why it's hard for me to shift back into like where we were before yeah

01:33:43.380 it takes me a second yeah hell yeah so

01:33:49.060 you know because like here you're schooling me about dating in your generation and that's

01:33:54.980 a different feel from like let's talk about sadness loneliness i think they're both actually

01:34:00.260 really productive conversations i really appreciate you for having both of them with me like i feel

01:34:05.380 honored to be a part of both of those conversations also scared to be a part of the last one but like

01:34:09.780 i can hold two feelings at the same time don't don't be scared man it's just like i want people

01:34:14.740 got to realize like there's really modern day pimping going on in the world like for example these

01:34:19.540 guys are now signing only fans girls you know what i'm saying and it's like modern day pimping in a

01:34:24.260 way you know what i'm saying so it's like what's wrong with me being scared i guess you're right

01:34:29.860 scared is good it's a feeling yeah right i'm i can be scared yeah i'm just saying my generation

01:34:36.500 i appreciate you looking out for me so what i heard when you said that was that you're like

01:34:40.580 you're looking out for me and i like i felt the love there that was that was nice of you thank you i got

01:34:45.380 you

01:34:53.540 doctor yeah no you're gonna ask i want i actually want to hear what you're gonna ask

01:34:59.060 i i was gonna ask you to remind me of what we were talking about and what feels relevant to you

01:35:05.460 um i forgot we were talking about before i think the desensitized uh thing yeah so when we were talking

01:35:12.820 about relationships how did you feel it was honestly just interesting

01:35:19.620 so interesting is i know it sounds kind of weird is not really a very good word for a feeling i'm

01:35:25.140 not trying to be judgmental no you're not it's very basic i agree right right so so like what do you

01:35:30.020 think you were feeling in that conversation um i liked having that conversation because i like it's like

01:35:36.340 i enjoyed it because it's it felt good well not good but it's just like i i knew well yeah i mean

01:35:46.660 it's just like i i know i know the difference between well my perspective on life how i feel about

01:35:53.140 certain women now that might change when i'm older doctor that might change when i'm 25 or 30.

01:35:57.380 you know what i'm saying so right now i just know the difference between

01:36:00.900 what i you know what i'm saying that so let can i share with go ahead sorry no i just i just know the

01:36:05.860 difference in my generation when between a ho and a queen so here's what i felt from you emotionally

01:36:12.660 yeah i felt confidence i felt certainty i felt you being on sure footing

01:36:22.980 okay what do you think about that

01:36:27.540 what's the last word you use sure footing like you're on solid ground yeah i'm standing on it for

01:36:33.300 sure is that how you felt yeah right so so like i think that there's something

01:36:41.860 very attractive about all of that because

01:36:47.060 it makes you feel good oh thank you you call me attractive

01:36:53.780 i meant attractive for you okay right so like like do you see how like emotionally there's no

01:37:00.980 numbness when you're talking about that i do the numbness isn't in really conversations i like

01:37:07.220 having conversations i feel from conversations like the numbness comes from i guess

01:37:15.140 daily life outside of conversations the desensitization comes from that

01:37:19.460 okay so i've detected numbness in you in our conversations but when we're talking about other

01:37:25.060 things so for example when you say it is what it is i think that's you actually like numbing yourself

01:37:31.620 out a little bit right because like what are you gonna do about it what am i gonna do exactly like

01:37:35.380 like there's no point in having the feeling correct and then the feeling goes away that's right

01:37:42.580 right so i think there's there's numbness and like what i'm kind of noticing is that

01:37:46.820 that that conversation about relationships was like really lively right it's like super energetic

01:37:51.780 i'm feeling uncomfortable you're feeling on solid footing and so there was like a little bit of

01:37:57.940 reverse uno here where here i am talking about sadness and loneliness and i'm like

01:38:02.420 fucking i can swim in that all day and it was kind of like a it was like a reverse of our positions

01:38:09.060 suddenly you're schooling me i'm not trying to school you i'm just wanting to inform you

01:38:14.020 i'm gonna say this and i mean this in like the kindest don't take it the wrong way please

01:38:17.860 and i'm gonna say let's just listen about to say and i gotta say and all right

01:38:24.820 when i'm okay when i was 20 or not even me i might use me as an example i don't know who's 20 years

01:38:31.620 old in here i don't want to sound ignorant 20 a 20 year old in my generation is smarter than a 20

01:38:40.500 year old than your guys generation okay and i'll explain why they're more how do i say it enhanced

01:38:50.820 in a way like we got this my uncle doesn't already use a phone you know what i'm saying so it's like

01:38:59.780 i don't want to say this the wrong way it's gonna sound so dumb i i really don't want to

01:39:02.420 like you got to really understand i'm sometimes really bad at explaining things but like

01:39:05.540 a 20 year old in my generation i feel like in a way is more experienced than a 20 year old in your

01:39:15.620 generation so i think that like dude does that make sense so here's what i'm hearing so this conversation

01:39:24.740 has the same energy to me as the last conversation that we had which is sure footing confidence you

01:39:31.620 really have a clear view of the world and everything makes sense yes so i see a lot of

01:39:39.460 excitement from you but i i don't think that this is having this conversation like you can school me

01:39:45.940 all i i don't mind being schooled by you by the way i'm not trying to school you i'm not trying to

01:39:48.900 school you at all i'm not trying i think i'm i'm gonna stop using that word because that's i whatever

01:39:54.660 you know my point is that this conversation is going to be the same as before

01:39:58.180 where i can ask you about your opinion it's gonna go back and forth it doesn't even matter because

01:40:01.860 we're not gonna agree the other thing it's not about not even not agreeing whatever sure but i

01:40:06.980 think the other thing is that in these conversations we're not talking about you anymore

01:40:12.500 you're talking about society you're talking about generations there's no room in there for your

01:40:18.500 experiences and your personal feelings or mine does that make sense because we're commenting about that

01:40:23.940 shit over there i get what you're saying it doesn't make sense but at the same time

01:40:30.500 it's like i'm i that's why i kept saying it's my perspective on the other on the other topic i

01:40:35.060 kept saying like i might sound ignorant it might be ignorant i'm just saying how i feel based off my

01:40:38.980 experiences you know what i mean sure sure so what would you like to talk about aiden

01:40:44.020 i don't know well i was doing great this year lifting weights and losing weight and stuff

01:40:59.060 and then i went through something traumatic and then i started sipping lean

01:41:02.420 you started what sipping lean sipping codeine and uh promethizin promethizin codeine and yeah

01:41:13.380 and and what what makes that

01:41:17.700 what what feels important about that to you to talk about today

01:41:24.020 um because it's bad what's bad about it it's just like

01:41:28.820 like it's a fix that i did when i was going through something traumatic and i was doing super

01:41:33.060 good in the gym and it kind of like ruined a lot of things around me and uh

01:41:38.500 it's just like a super super bad reliant fix you know what i mean it's just drugs it's like liquid

01:41:45.220 heroin that's what they call it so it's bad have you considered seeing a professional about something

01:41:50.900 like that i don't need to i haven't done it in a couple months i stopped i wasn't highly highly

01:41:55.380 addictive but i was i was on it for a while is it okay if i ask you a little bit about seeing

01:42:00.660 professionals like professional mental health people yeah ask me whatever you want so i'm

01:42:07.140 hearing that you it's not a problem anymore so you don't need to see a professional

01:42:11.940 yeah i don't i don't think about it i don't crave it at all i don't you know what i mean

01:42:17.540 then why talk about it i'm just giving you an update what i did this year i was okay yeah yeah

01:42:23.380 okay so just just kind of like like this is what you went through yeah yeah yeah and then i was on

01:42:29.140 this path of kind of like in this i guess people call it the controversial era where people that

01:42:34.420 really don't know me that aren't a part of my community that just don't know me they would see

01:42:38.180 these articles and things and just assume i was an asshole um i would say things like there are two

01:42:42.980 genders in this world um i made a tweet saying there are two genders okay i went through like this

01:42:49.620 controversial era and that was labeled controversial so when i made a tweet saying there was two genders

01:42:54.820 my talent agency dropped me from it they said you look what he tweeted this morning he said something

01:42:58.740 super controversial and what what was what do you understand help tell me about that what's going on

01:43:05.780 with that so i mean i i slowed down i stepped out from making like tweets like that and stuff but

01:43:11.380 when i when i tweeted that out it hurt a lot of people i didn't do it to hurt people

01:43:16.580 i did it because a week before that twitter was on my ass about something old my motive was like

01:43:24.180 cool you guys want to target me for this i'm gonna make a tweet twitter and show you guys that

01:43:29.940 because they were trying to cancel me for something cancel on twitter so i was like okay watch i'm

01:43:33.780 gonna make a controversial tweet try to cancel me now and it went it was my craziest tweet i think i was like

01:43:39.140 600 000 likes and like millions and millions of views

01:43:41.460 and what what what were you kind of so is that kind of the same sort of like thing where it's like

01:43:48.580 if someone tells you don't do something you're like fuck you i'm gonna do it not really i did it

01:43:52.980 because i did a tweet because i knew it stir i knew people would like talk about it i knew it would be

01:43:57.060 controversial in my generation even though it's not um but i made a tweet because i wanted to show

01:44:04.420 cancel culture you cancel culture watch and i did that tweet and now people still i think it's like

01:44:11.220 yeah like people like it didn't matter like i didn't get canceled what what makes you want to do

01:44:17.380 that i wanted to show people cancel culture it doesn't matter i'm gonna tweet out there's two

01:44:21.780 genders they're gonna try to cancel me i didn't get canceled i i understand that you wanted to show

01:44:27.060 people something what was driving you to prove your point the tweet when i tweeted it i knew it

01:44:34.500 was going to stir so like i cancer culture is trying to be on my ass oh what drove me to make the tweet

01:44:39.940 was so like a week before cancer culture is on my ass trying to cancel me on twitter and i was like

01:44:45.940 you cancer culture i'm not going to go for that so i'm going to tweet out there's two genders

01:44:49.540 and they're even more mad okay so i'll i'll this is this is great maybe we've hit our limit for the

01:44:57.220 day but maybe not so let me point something out to you so i'm asking you you engaged in a behavior

01:45:01.620 right you tweeted something out yeah i'm asking you why did you do that and then the answer that you give

01:45:09.380 me is something else outside of you right they were trying to cancel you yeah okay so what i'm curious

01:45:19.140 about is stuff in the outside world happens and then stuff in the outside world enters you

01:45:27.620 and then something else happens and then you feel like doing something else correct right like there's

01:45:34.420 there's a there's a stimulus from the outside world and then there's a response from you

01:45:42.180 to the outside world with me yes i'm with you what goes on in the middle like what happens within

01:45:48.340 you when they try to cancel you like does that like that's what i'm asking i'm curious about what

01:45:53.300 how does one action that is done to you result in a response from you why did you do that instead of

01:46:01.780 apologizing or any other of the thousand things that you could have done

01:46:05.620 like not treat anything i think i think maybe just the table thing we talk about like i like doing the

01:46:10.100 opposite i i like people most people would fold and apologize i didn't i didn't care i got banned from

01:46:14.820 twitch that soft one-sided platform you know what i'm saying so i was like fuck fuck twitch

01:46:20.660 fuck up the fuck this that led to more shit more stuff you know what i'm saying so um in my opinion

01:46:26.420 i just think why would i apologize for saying there's two genders there are two genders so it's like i did

01:46:31.540 it yeah like i did it yeah so so like when you say why would you do that do you do i feel emotional

01:46:36.980 energy when you make that statement but why though i'm saying like well you you said like why

01:46:41.220 don't you get the logic no i'm just trying to ask like why why did you why why though when i when

01:46:45.220 you ask like why didn't you just apologize or do another route it's because they're like what what

01:46:50.820 what would i be apologizing for sure i'm not suggesting that you should apologize what i'm

01:46:55.700 kind of pointing out is that so this is where i think the emotional numbness comes in so generally

01:47:00.020 speaking when when someone says something to me it affects me in some way yeah and then my drive to act

01:47:07.220 and the way in which i act is shaped by my internal environment correct so someone says

01:47:15.860 fuck you alok you're an asshole and then i and then i can feel one of two different things i can feel

01:47:22.260 ashamed and if i feel ashamed i will apologize or i can feel angry i can feel affronted i can feel

01:47:30.740 territorial and then if i feel angry affronted and territorial i will turn around and i will say screw you

01:47:38.180 right does that make sense it does make sense yeah the behavior and and the weird thing is that

01:47:42.980 the mind actually the logic follows the emotion not the other way around i just think yeah yeah yeah

01:47:49.540 i actually agree with that right yeah so so if we're talking about emotional numbness i mean i'm just

01:47:55.620 picking this as a random i don't care what happened on twitter honestly i don't yeah you know but i think

01:48:01.780 that like what i'm kind of pointing out to you is that earlier you talked about being addicted to

01:48:06.820 the high of grinding and we're talking a little bit about how you have some of these feelings and

01:48:13.300 you're not quite sure what to do with them and you you sort of like you you do a good job actually right

01:48:18.340 so you learn how to crack jokes you learn how to like accept it is what it is you can't necessarily

01:48:23.380 change it there's no kind of no point in worrying but the worry is still there at the back of your mind

01:48:28.100 and what i'm pointing out to you is that a lot of your behaviors even jumping up on the table

01:48:33.780 i'm not sure how much in control of that you are what do you mean so like if someone says

01:48:40.820 aiden don't jump on the table i don't know that you can control whether you jump on the table or not

01:48:46.900 no i i definitely control a doctor i think that's like why like my whole life is like where i am

01:48:52.820 today i think not listening to what everyone's doing have you ever seen the picture of it's like

01:48:58.180 but can you listen to what to what other people tell you to do of course but like i have to i have to

01:49:05.060 experience it myself like that's how i so then i'm hearing that you can't until you experience it

01:49:10.980 yeah i mean i can listen but i mean i'm still gonna probably want to do it myself yeah

01:49:16.660 right so so when you want to do something most people are like that though like for example like

01:49:22.180 when you grow up when i grew up as a kid sorry when i grew up i'm gonna start i'm gonna stop

01:49:27.060 over generalizing when i grew up as a kid i was curious right like i when i was in high school

01:49:34.020 i would sneak out and i would go to a party like that's just me being curious even though my dad was

01:49:38.580 like yo don't do that like you don't have to you know what i'm saying like i just think

01:49:43.700 it's about being when you're when you're when i'm curious i you want you want to know let me ask you

01:49:48.100 something yeah do you control the curiosity or does the curiosity control you it's a good question

01:49:53.620 i think the curiosity controls me what do you think about that it's not good doc but i mean a lot

01:50:00.900 of people have that you know a lot of it's like it's 50 50. i think i think it's curiosity controls

01:50:06.180 you or you control curiosity so everyone's different i think i don't know what i don't

01:50:11.620 know why i think it's perspective how you grew up but it's i think that yeah so so if i can share

01:50:17.620 something yeah go ahead so i want to try to catch a couple things that you say so other people are

01:50:24.100 like that or generalizations i'm going to actually move in the opposite direction i don't care about

01:50:28.740 how other people i don't give a shit okay what i'm interested in in this conversation is you okay and

01:50:33.860 what your experience is so whether other people are whatever happy unhappy good bad whatever

01:50:39.620 them we're just talking about you and i like yeah and and i think that some of what this emotional

01:50:46.100 numbness i i think that this is connected because generally speaking we can't control something

01:50:51.220 unless we're aware of it yes right so all you have to do is go to the dentist and if you can't feel

01:50:57.300 your mouth all right so numbness and lack of awareness leads to a lack of control correct

01:51:07.940 and so what i'm kind of noticing is that you engage in behaviors that feel righteous right like in your

01:51:14.100 mind they're logical and stuff i'm not saying they're not logical it's not my place to be the

01:51:18.180 arbiter of logic and determine what is right or wrong whether it has to do with relationships whether

01:51:22.500 there are queens and hoes like whatever i'm not the arbiter of truth what i'm hearing from you

01:51:27.060 though is that there is a internal dimension that doesn't get a whole lot of play in the way that

01:51:35.380 you interact with the world right these people did this so i'm gonna do this this person said don't do

01:51:41.700 this so i'm gonna tell them i'm gonna do the exact opposite it sounds like some people that

01:51:45.860 relationships that you feel emotionally connected to you can actually listen to them if your dad tells you

01:51:49.780 hey don't do this mom says don't do this you can like set that aside yeah i can't i can set it aside

01:51:54.580 but i still kind of i get curious you know what i mean like it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah so so i

01:51:59.300 mean i think curiosity is beautiful but my point is that like i don't the thing that i'm worried the

01:52:06.260 most about is that i don't know if you're in control of your life i think you have a lot of power

01:52:12.420 and i think you've managed to probably control all of these external dimensions so it sounds like

01:52:19.700 you've got financial security it sounds like you have freedom it sounds like you have a lot of stuff

01:52:25.460 out there but i still get the sense that you are a puppet to yourself 100 i agree with you on that i

01:52:32.580 i'm a puppet to my to my career literally i'm a puppet to my chat i swear to god i am

01:52:36.740 what do you want is that okay how do you know i don't like it at all i hate it but

01:52:47.540 it is what it is doc is what it is what'd you just do there i i did it i did it doc you're right yeah

01:52:52.820 yeah yeah what'd you do i i tried uh avoiding i tried like avoiding the the the feeling of it by

01:53:00.100 putting a pot like a little is it is what it is on the on the yeah so what what did you push away

01:53:06.740 i pushed away the truth when what is the truth that i'm a puppet how does that feel it sucks

01:53:15.860 sucks in what way it hurts doc so let me toss some stuff out okay all right what i'm hearing

01:53:23.460 there is powerlessness it's true and when i hear you at the age of 40 you don't know

01:53:33.700 if you're going to be alone or not powerlessness there too well no i mean you're not going to know

01:53:38.500 what you're doing by 45 doctor to be to be honest nobody nobody knows what we're you know what i'm

01:53:43.540 saying logically no one can predict the future i agree with you aiden what i'm saying the emotional

01:53:49.620 energy okay okay is powerlessness right because you're like 99 of people treat me as aiden ross there's

01:53:56.900 one percent and let me ask you something what's more common aiden queens or hose hose and what does

01:54:04.100 that mean for your future i'm thought what is the emotion that goes with i'm it is what it is

01:54:13.860 right it's powerlessness yeah and so here's the crazy thing okay now i'm gonna kind of like

01:54:26.980 i'm gonna try to say this okay and reject it if you want to reject it so it's my belief

01:54:33.780 that you're like all of these things that you're scared of you got to stop running away from them

01:54:39.540 yeah right so like if you admit to yourself i am powerless then you can do something about it

01:54:48.820 right you got to meet yourself where you're at gotcha right like you got to say like when people

01:54:54.740 you know the people who get divorced are the ones who don't think that their marriage has a problem

01:55:00.580 the people who say this marriage is on its last legs we got to either bust it or try to save it you

01:55:06.500 have to admit you have to accept the truth of what you feel got it even though even though if it's the

01:55:11.860 hard truth you still got to accept it absolutely right i see you doing that i don't see you running

01:55:16.660 away from it in a way i can accept it like if it's in my face and i feel it i i'm not scared to accept

01:55:21.380 the truth i'm really not yeah so i hear you kind of saying it is what it is but then you're still

01:55:25.700 moving away from it you're not actually moving towards it and that's where like as you start to feel

01:55:30.820 that powerlessness i think you're gonna find right and now i'm making a mistake here but i'm gonna i

01:55:38.900 think you're gonna find as you get in touch with your feelings that a lot of this stuff is active

01:55:44.900 when you because like when you're talking to a girl i think there's a lot going on inside you

01:55:51.700 and the thing is like if you kind of think about it like you you've got you've got one really good

01:55:55.060 trump card i could be wrong right so you can tell me hey this is the generation you're wrong dr k you

01:56:00.100 don't know what it's like so you can tell me i'm wrong i'm gonna admit that all i want you to do

01:56:03.940 is think and pay attention to yourself okay because once you start labeling people as this or this you

01:56:12.420 suddenly become really protected right because the second you label someone a hoe if you fall in love

01:56:17.860 with her that love ain't ever gonna hurt you it allows you to push her away it allows you to like

01:56:23.380 set yourself apart it allows you to avoid connections and vulnerability yes you're right

01:56:30.100 and and so like the thing is and so the crazy thing is that if your mind

01:56:37.780 has an ulterior motive to protect you from your emotions

01:56:43.380 it'll like screw something else up that's good though it's just it's defense you're right it's

01:56:49.060 defense yeah but the question is who's in control are you clear-headed or are these things working behind

01:56:55.700 the scenes hmm i mean it's good the way to put it i guess i just think that like

01:57:06.340 no i mean that is that is really good way to put it because i don't know if i'm fully in control or

01:57:09.700 not you're right right and and so all i want for you to do is like i want you to have whatever you want

01:57:15.380 thank you doctor i appreciate that really like yeah you know and and i think like dude you've

01:57:21.140 accomplished so much at the age of 22 and so like this is where like what you're kind of saying you

01:57:26.900 don't have any passion for what's left because i think you're right you beat the game you figured

01:57:30.980 out how to succeed materialistically yes now what now you're where you know who gotham buddha is nope

01:57:40.740 you know who what buddhism is that's the guys with the bellies right yeah it's the guys with the

01:57:46.980 bellies so i'm gonna tell you a story okay okay so there was once a prince in india and his name was

01:57:56.020 gotham with his name was gotham okay and gotham had it all so when he was actually about your age

01:58:03.540 he was the prince of a powerful kingdom he was loved he was respected he had a queen like a real

01:58:09.540 queen who had given him a healthy son okay and so every everything in life we had heard

01:58:17.700 everything in life that he had heard was like okay if you're unhappy the problem is that your

01:58:21.780 date and ho is not queens the problem is if you're unhappy it means you don't have enough power if

01:58:26.660 you're unhappy you need more money you need more financial security you need a lambo you can't be

01:58:31.220 driving no fucking toyota you need a lambo all of these things will make you happy and then that

01:58:37.140 worked for everybody else right because if i'm trying to drive in a toyota and i don't have a

01:58:40.420 lambo i have something to reach towards i have something that gives me a sense of progress goal

01:58:45.300 there's some way of keeping score and that feels really good psychologically to feel like you're

01:58:49.620 making progress correct but then he had everything and one day he woke up and he was unhappy

01:58:54.980 and then he's fucked because what does he do now right like what how do i find happiness if i have

01:59:04.820 the lambo i i have a queen i have a child i'm a prince of a powerful kingdom i'm like what everyone

01:59:12.820 else craves in the world is what i already have and i'm still unhappy damn so he did something really

01:59:20.420 weird he gave it all up and he's like i got to figure this out and so then he went to these

01:59:25.140 spiritual teachers and gurus and all this kind of stuff like looking for answers and then what they

01:59:29.700 basically what he kind of discovered was that there's a lot of like internal work done and if

01:59:34.180 you tell me that you've beaten the game i think you've beaten the external game beating the external

01:59:38.740 game the materialistic aspect of things but they're still emotional and they're still like a

01:59:42.900 there's still like a yeah that type of thing i have to master as well i think i think that's the game

01:59:47.300 that like and this is what happens is there's also this really interesting kind of um saying which

01:59:53.540 is that you can't meditate on an empty stomach and that if you really look at it there's other stories

01:59:58.980 i can tell you but conquering the material so i tried to become a monk when i was 21. oh nice

02:00:04.900 and i went to my teachers and i said i'm ready to give up my life and become a monk and i want to

02:00:08.900 devote myself to spirituality in this internal game okay what happened my teacher said what do you mean

02:00:15.860 give up you've got nothing you have nothing to give up you're a failure at life yo you have

02:00:22.180 nothing worth giving up so they said get your ass back to and this goes back to harvard okay so now

02:00:27.380 we're going to come full circle so when i was 18 years old i decided i was going to be pre-med and i

02:00:31.220 wanted to go to harvard medical school just like all the indian kids and i was going to be the smartest

02:00:36.100 doctor and i was going to have the biggest swinging dick and i was going to be a chad and all that kind

02:00:40.500 of stuff and i ended up failing a bunch of classes because i didn't know what the fuck i was doing

02:00:46.100 then i go to india and my teachers tell me you have nothing worth giving up get your ass back to

02:00:52.420 america finish your studies and do the best that you can finish a doctoral degree and then at the age

02:00:58.020 of 30 if you want to give all that up and you want to take your vows we'll take you

02:01:01.300 and so on that day aiden i was like you and i said these fuckers these fuckers don't think i can

02:01:09.300 do it i'ma show them so i went back i didn't give a shit about harvard i just wanted to be able to

02:01:15.700 give up the biggest thing damn good for you put myself fully into my studies like went to med school

02:01:23.300 i didn't even show up at my award ceremony because it never dawned on my mind that i would get an award

02:01:28.500 for being at the top of one of the classes i love that man that's amazing and like they were all so

02:01:36.260 smart because they realized like being a monk ain't for me because they're good at that kind of

02:01:40.660 shit and i think that where you are right now is like you've got to start this journey

02:01:45.860 and like it's the journey to be happy and no amount i hate to break it to you but finding this

02:01:50.980 magical human being out there it'll bring you happiness at the time but then you're going to beat

02:01:54.580 that game too you're still going to wake up wow you're right damn so that i mean the happiness

02:02:00.500 comes from so the happiness does come from being alone okay well no not being alone but i would say

02:02:04.900 happiness comes within like you're like you could be you could be alone and be happy like you could be

02:02:11.060 like you don't have to be with somebody to rely on happiness or anything like that you could you

02:02:13.860 could do it yourself yeah yeah i mean i think that's what you're going to discover right and i think

02:02:18.020 even if you look at your own life you're going to discover that there are two kinds of happiness

02:02:23.300 that you've experienced correct one is going to be like this dopaminergic happiness and one

02:02:28.500 is like a quieter kind of thing right and this numbness that you've got is like getting in the

02:02:34.740 way of feeling that damn all right i gotta find the spiritualness i was spiritual at one point i was i was

02:02:41.300 very spiritual i lost it i gotta get it back i need the light i need to find it yeah i i think

02:02:47.860 you're gonna be fine the one thing i would recommend for you is just catch yourself anytime you say it is

02:02:53.060 what it is okay and whatever you feel just like let yourself feel it it doesn't have to have any

02:02:57.860 implication it doesn't need to be logicked out just close your eyes and just let it be there without

02:03:04.900 pushing it away without doing anything with it just sit with it okay i'm gonna do that doctor i mean

02:03:10.100 like anytime it is what it is i'm just gonna be like no it's not it is what it is face it

02:03:17.780 type sure yeah that's a step in the right direction but even then there's a cultivation

02:03:25.540 of emotion there right because you're like i'm gonna conquer it i can see you're moving around quite

02:03:32.900 a bit you do like we're done i have adhd you want to leave me already uh i thought that i was getting

02:03:41.380 i'm getting physical signals from you that you've probably hit some kind of limit i just have adhd

02:03:46.660 doctor let me stand up a little bit no i mean i i think it's okay to be done what do you think oh

02:03:53.540 oh one second back um um it is okay i just enjoyed it um yeah so how do you feel when i'm

02:04:03.860 you're leaving me already doctor it's a joke what do you mean sure i i completely agree that you are

02:04:12.340 using humor as a defense mechanism related no i mean i mean like it doesn't matter if you leave

02:04:17.540 or not it's like whatever i'll move on to the next thing okay but i mean like it's like i meant it as

02:04:22.100 a joke sorry my bad maybe i'm over interpreting yeah yeah right there yeah i i i like to in terms of

02:04:31.220 stepping away so aiden i find that like two hours is like i feel like we're in a good pausing point

02:04:36.980 and opening up a new chapter would be a commitment to like another hour or two okay i'm down to do this

02:04:42.020 again what um can you help me understand what your experience of this conversation was a lot i think

02:04:50.100 you're actually starting to change my perspective on how i feel the the most important thing i gain

02:04:54.580 out of this whole thing is it's it is what it is is unacceptable stop accepting stop saying it is what

02:04:59.940 it is and i think it's time to really just just let it do its thing it's okay yeah yeah and and um

02:05:09.780 what i got from this conversation first of all aiden i think you're just

02:05:16.980 you're a remarkable human being who's been dealt a really good and really shitty hand at the same

02:05:23.220 time it's rare to see nice so if we're playing you know if we're playing some poker i got i got a nice

02:05:28.180 maybe like a a two pair like a you know what i'm saying like uh yeah i i i think i think your life

02:05:34.340 defies poker analogies like i can't if i i was thinking about poker specifically you know

02:05:39.540 it's like one of these hands that like is really strong and really weak at the same time like

02:05:43.860 there's a lot of stuff that a lot of you've been through man yeah a lot of hurt and also like a

02:05:50.100 lot of exceptionalism yeah a lot of growth yeah and and i think that i've also learned about what

02:05:58.660 it's like to be a part of your generation i'm you're you know you're teaching me about what gender

02:06:02.740 dynamics and stuff are like for like like doctor there's my generation is so cooked bro you can now

02:06:08.340 like kids in school they're learning about like they're getting pushed like weird agendas and shit

02:06:12.980 it's like fucked up it's yeah i know yeah it's yeah you know what i'm talking about it's like

02:06:18.660 bullshit i just hate like my generation is just ass sad i i i think that you're i i don't feel that way

02:06:29.140 but i i think it's totally fine for you to feel that way i think your generation is getting crushed

02:06:33.620 yeah yeah yeah so i i think they're just trying to do the best they can with the hand that they were

02:06:39.300 dealt and i was addicted to video games and like video games weren't even that addictive when i was

02:06:44.420 growing up it's way worse now nah nah doctor the best games were call duty black ops 2

02:06:51.860 fucking all them now it's ass all right so so another place where we agreed to disagree

02:07:00.260 but call of duty black ops man that's the best game of all time black ops 2.

02:07:05.620 back when i could be in game chat and call somebody you should check out a game called have you played bg3

02:07:12.180 no i'll just get three okay hey well it's it's okay for people to like different kinds of food and

02:07:17.620 different kinds of games we don't i don't know that we need to argue about it but maybe one day

02:07:20.820 if we really want to throw down we can what's your favorite food guys i love indian food by the way

02:07:26.420 mantepaneer is so good with naan garlic naan it's amazing yeah it's good stuff it's just when i can't

02:07:32.340 i never have leftovers i put my fridge it stinks up the whole house for like three days but i love it

02:07:36.740 it'll it'll do that stink up the armpits too yeah but i love indian food by the way but what's your

02:07:41.620 favorite food though what do you mean by favorite the food that i enjoy eating the most yeah yeah

02:07:49.380 i mean that's what favorite is right we particularly like to eat um so back when i was a monk i detested

02:07:56.740 this particular kind of food that not i mean i wasn't a monk but back in my training days i started

02:08:02.020 to fall in love with like a rice and lentil dish dish called kichidi and it's the kind of thing that

02:08:06.420 like it's weird it's like real super bland but by the end of eating that stuff every single day i

02:08:11.220 absolutely loved it it's some of the most enjoyable food that i've eaten um but i'm a big fan of like

02:08:19.300 tex-mex so i've got a couple of favorites so i really like like tacos i really like uh pani puri

02:08:26.100 is another indian food it's one of my favorite indian foods um have you ever had have you ever had

02:08:30.980 what i'm talking about mata paneer i i don't know what the first word is but i'm pretty sure i've had it

02:08:38.740 mata paneer it's like it's like this dish m-a-t-a-m-a-t-t-a-r

02:08:46.820 yeah so it's peas peas and and yes yeah it's a vegetarian it's

02:08:54.660 okay yeah yeah sure i've had so good oh yeah where where are you from aiden florida okay where are you

02:09:03.220 from doctor texas what part of texas i'm in houston basically h town yeah houston's cool i i think

02:09:12.180 austin's really fun too have you ever been to austin i have i went to school there you really yeah

02:09:18.900 sweet i was actually gonna go to college there doctor that's like where they wanted me to go to

02:09:21.620 college ut they want me to go to the ut yeah i think you would have been great there well the

02:09:25.300 community college first and then ut i would transfer sure but thank god i didn't do it right oh you want

02:09:31.380 to leave now yes all right go ahead is that okay that's okay i give you permission yeah i appreciate

02:09:38.740 it i i i don't i'm not trying to pull out but i also like if the point where we're talking about

02:09:44.100 what's my favorite food stuff i'm totally down to like hang out sometime i'll take you out for indian

02:09:48.100 food like that's totally cool i'm not trying to um i don't want to reject you yeah and at the same

02:09:54.820 time i'm married with two kids oh it's a weekday oh you got i do have constraints on my time completely

02:10:01.940 understand um all right doctor i'll let you get to your family and your normal life uh i would like

02:10:07.140 you so much i'd like to do this again you know you had me sign a form i usually hate girls with ndas

02:10:11.460 you hit me with like a consensual form and stuff what's going on there real last question why yeah so it's

02:10:16.740 totally fine um i think we were doing some back and forth but then y'all ended up being okay with

02:10:20.900 it um so the main thing is that we just want people to really understand that this is not therapy right

02:10:27.300 so we'll we'll there's something called informed consent and that's really the most important part

02:10:32.100 of the forum and there's also some legal stuff so like for example this may get uploaded to

02:10:38.100 uploaded to youtube what's your channel by the way what's your channel healthy gamer gg healthy

02:10:42.420 gamer okay so this may get uploaded to youtube and so just that you consent for that to happen

02:10:48.100 and stuff like that so and then we also have a policy where if you want something taken down you

02:10:52.740 just message us and we'll take it down okay generally speaking people we've had we've interviewed a

02:10:57.540 couple hundred people and you know most of them really wait are you allowed to talk about your other

02:11:02.980 clients i don't i'm saying like i'm probably allowed to no no i'm saying like who have you

02:11:09.140 interviewed that i would know in myspace have you interviewed anybody in myspace before i don't

02:11:13.300 know what what your space is what do you mean a streamer like a streamer yes we've interviewed

02:11:18.340 many streamers train wrecks i've had several conversations with train wrecks train is fantastic

02:11:23.860 he's amazing i love train he's such a good guy yeah xqc as well oh is that me or him hello chat yeah is

02:11:36.420 that him all right i'll let you go doctor you go to sleep with aiden brah doctor go to sleep with

02:11:46.660 your kid with your children sleep i didn't are you fake freezing dude i i can't hear you bro are you

02:11:53.300 fucking serious you're using my hearing robot voice get the fuck out hold on a second bro

02:12:00.740 let me see if i can go to oh there we go we're back okay doctor go to sleep with your family and

02:12:08.260 stuff okay this is this is this is the universe's way of telling us that this is a good stopping

02:12:12.500 point yeah good luck to you aiden you too we could do this again we'll do it again yeah sure let's let

02:12:18.420 our our people talk okay all right all right thank you so much man all right

Adin Live - August 24, 2023

Adin Ross Goes To Therapy

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