Ali Dawah - January 08, 2023


＂CAN I SPY ON MY WIFES PHONE？＂ - EP2 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW


Episode Stats

Length

25 minutes

Words per Minute

229.02771

Word Count

5,746

Sentence Count

469

Misogynist Sentences

31

Hate Speech Sentences

25


Summary

In this episode, the panel discusses the issue of checking each other's phones in a marriage. Do you think it's a good idea to allow your spouse access to their phone? Is it a good thing? Should you allow your wife access to her phone? And should you allow her access to your phone?


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Would you allow your wife to go through your phone?
00:00:04.000 100%.
00:00:05.120 Okay.
00:00:06.640 Vice versa, I think it's ridiculous.
00:00:09.300 I don't think there should be enough trust.
00:00:11.500 I don't agree to checking each other's phones.
00:00:14.680 Why?
00:00:15.880 Going behind someone's back, breaking into their phone,
00:00:19.060 that's breaking trust, security,
00:00:21.200 and you want to create an insecure relationship?
00:00:23.540 I was in a difficult situation.
00:00:26.440 I saw the phone, just had like a child,
00:00:28.320 and I was like, I am not touching the phone
00:00:30.280 because I do not know if I am going to be able to handle
00:00:33.440 whatever I'm going to find.
00:00:34.960 You're basically like promoting lying.
00:00:37.520 I'll speak to the brothers where they're like,
00:00:38.820 yeah, I've done that, and then it's caused more problems.
00:00:41.140 Or maybe the husband's given her a reason to feel that way.
00:00:43.620 Because she's confident and she's 100% secure around you.
00:00:48.500 That's a very low percentage of women.
00:00:50.660 But there are some, we have to mention it,
00:00:52.700 that there are those women doing it.
00:00:53.860 But we need to talk about the majority.
00:00:55.320 How would you feel if you showed your wife a message
00:00:56.920 or another woman messaged you and she was like,
00:00:58.900 okay, I'll be thinking, like, don't, like...
00:01:01.980 This is the West West to get you in marital troubles, yeah?
00:01:05.740 So it's the West West, it's like,
00:01:07.380 you were out the other day,
00:01:08.700 you saw him look at that girl out of the side of his eye,
00:01:10.780 I bet he's got another girl on the side.
00:01:12.220 You've got to look at that phone,
00:01:13.020 you will find that girl in that phone.
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00:01:42.700 As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
00:01:44.260 Brothers and sisters and dear friends,
00:01:45.560 welcome to another episode of the...
00:01:47.640 What's the show called?
00:01:50.820 Halul, don't do this to me, you're a regular...
00:01:52.420 The bitter truth.
00:01:54.180 The bitter truth.
00:01:54.740 Why is it the bitter truth?
00:01:56.720 Because the truth is bitter.
00:01:57.960 Brothers and sisters, we are here to discuss real issues,
00:02:00.240 real topics pertaining to marriage, divorce,
00:02:02.880 if you're single, looking to get married,
00:02:04.060 whatever it is, inshallah.
00:02:04.880 And our aim is, inshallah, to benefit the Muslim households, inshallah.
00:02:09.020 So, at the email right here, which you can see,
00:02:11.460 you can send in your questions,
00:02:12.820 if you're going through something yourself,
00:02:14.040 you want to join the panel,
00:02:15.080 like our dear, esteemed sisters, honourable sisters,
00:02:18.200 or if you want to come, inshallah, join as brothers,
00:02:20.980 please send an email, inshallah,
00:02:23.020 and we'll get in touch with you when that happens.
00:02:25.160 Today's topic is very interesting,
00:02:26.280 because it's pertaining to marriage,
00:02:27.620 and it's pertaining to couples,
00:02:29.060 because it's a marriage,
00:02:30.080 and basically about going through each other's phones.
00:02:33.460 Now, this is a phenomenon, I think, maybe, you know,
00:02:37.080 subhanAllah.
00:02:37.600 So, I think, personally,
00:02:39.820 I think it's a dangerous thing to do.
00:02:41.780 This is me personally.
00:02:42.560 I don't know about you guys.
00:02:43.640 But, would you allow your wife to go through your phone?
00:02:47.860 100%.
00:02:48.540 Okay.
00:02:50.620 Vice versa, I think it's ridiculous.
00:02:53.180 I don't think there should be enough trust with transparency as well.
00:02:57.640 Yeah, but that question...
00:02:58.560 I feel like that you shouldn't be checking each other's phones.
00:03:01.260 There should be transparency in...
00:03:02.720 Okay.
00:03:03.140 No, no, no.
00:03:03.560 Absolutely trust the each other.
00:03:04.540 No, no, no.
00:03:05.560 I didn't take...
00:03:06.080 No, no, no.
00:03:06.400 He said, he just said, would you let, would you let.
00:03:08.240 It's not like...
00:03:08.920 Oh, would you let.
00:03:09.740 Yeah, would you let.
00:03:10.120 Okay, that's a different question.
00:03:10.920 Yeah, that's a different question.
00:03:11.760 Yes.
00:03:12.780 Okay, okay.
00:03:13.460 So, would you let...
00:03:14.580 Okay, I understand.
00:03:15.800 Sister Saul, would you allow...
00:03:18.180 Would you think couples are watching this,
00:03:19.960 they should allow each other to go through each other's phones?
00:03:23.780 At first, I did the mistake of maybe wanting to access the phone.
00:03:30.620 And I think it's really related to our self-confidence and how we feel in a couple and that confidence.
00:03:36.040 When you feel like...
00:03:37.180 Insecure.
00:03:38.060 Insecure.
00:03:38.640 Yeah.
00:03:38.800 In that relationship.
00:03:40.000 This is where, like, you want to see the phone.
00:03:41.880 Not because you're curious, not because you want to invade your husband's life or personal life,
00:03:46.380 but deeply, I do not think, like, either of them should be checking anyone's phone.
00:03:51.440 First of all, as a sister, you aren't checking...
00:03:53.820 Maybe a sister is sending me pictures, maybe there is non-hijabi or hijabi sister that are there,
00:03:58.660 and I really think that we should keep saying things private.
00:04:02.240 Conversation with my friends, conversation with his friends,
00:04:05.220 and I think many times, and this has happened to me,
00:04:09.080 that I was in a difficult situation, I saw the phone,
00:04:13.500 and I just had, like, a child, and I was like, I am not touching the phone
00:04:17.660 because I do not know if I am going to be able to handle whatever I'm going to find.
00:04:23.400 And I think this is a pressure that we should...
00:04:26.460 It's really, like, inside work.
00:04:28.780 It's really inside healing, thinking, you know what?
00:04:31.420 And faith.
00:04:32.460 Put my trust in Allah, Azza wa Jal.
00:04:33.880 If there is anything that Allah wants to show me,
00:04:36.900 it will show up in the perfect, most honorable way.
00:04:43.020 Yeah.
00:04:43.500 That's my answer.
00:04:45.380 I think it should be 100% trust with each other.
00:04:49.040 I don't agree to check in each other's phones.
00:04:52.200 Why?
00:04:53.380 I think it's a good thing.
00:04:54.980 I feel it's toxic.
00:04:55.280 I think it's a good thing if you are able to do that.
00:04:58.600 But I think it depends on who the person is themselves as well
00:05:02.680 because they could see a message, it means something else,
00:05:05.800 and they will, in their mind, because of the biased thoughts they have,
00:05:08.980 they interpret it into something else.
00:05:10.920 So, yes, there should be 100% trust between husband and wife.
00:05:14.340 If your wife says, show me your phone,
00:05:16.160 or if the husband says, show me your phone,
00:05:17.920 because they have slight insecurity, 100% here.
00:05:21.020 But warn them, do not go into my message where sisters have shared pictures.
00:05:24.640 Yes.
00:05:24.940 Or, you know, personal conversations.
00:05:27.840 If wherever you have that doubt, you check that part of it.
00:05:31.640 But I don't think it should be, no, this is my private space.
00:05:34.940 Because from experience, I've been where I've completely never checked the phone.
00:05:41.640 But, you know, what happens sometimes, that person falls into sin.
00:05:46.340 No?
00:05:46.620 And that's where I believe that trust should lie where husband and wife,
00:05:49.920 if they have that doubt, then they should be able to say to their husband,
00:05:52.980 oh, wife, can I check your phone, please?
00:05:55.020 That's the only time I believe that, okay, if there is doubt, then yeah.
00:05:59.800 But otherwise, no, I don't think there should be a need for it.
00:06:03.780 So your question was, should you allow the person, right?
00:06:07.540 So that means that there's a level of trust conversation happening.
00:06:11.380 It's not, oh, you went to the bathroom, I remember your code,
00:06:14.840 and I snuck onto your phone to look, right?
00:06:16.680 Yeah, one of those two.
00:06:18.300 One is behind his back, or her back, and the second is asking.
00:06:23.440 So I think there should be complete transparency between a husband and a wife.
00:06:27.460 I think it should be done in a healthy and not a toxic way,
00:06:31.680 and that would be not sneaking in behind someone's back.
00:06:35.060 Like, if you see something on your husband's phone, and you're like,
00:06:38.180 oh, what was that?
00:06:39.380 And you ask him, oh, who is that from?
00:06:40.960 Then he should answer.
00:06:41.900 And if he sees something on your phone, he should say, what was that?
00:06:44.480 What did they want?
00:06:45.380 And you should answer.
00:06:46.060 Because as a husband and wife, you have to understand that you each have a personal life,
00:06:50.360 but you are allowed to be involved in that personal life.
00:06:53.780 Going behind someone's back, breaking into their phone,
00:06:56.440 that's breaking trust, security, and you want to create an insecure relationship,
00:07:01.120 there is exactly how you do it.
00:07:02.780 Because you've broken the foundation that's between you.
00:07:05.840 You have abused their privacy.
00:07:08.720 And sharing your privacy and opening up isn't the same as losing your privacy,
00:07:12.960 because it's done in a respectful way.
00:07:15.220 And so there's two different kind of ways to go about that.
00:07:18.640 Okay, interesting.
00:07:19.740 So, yeah, I think it's like, I don't know, man.
00:07:22.060 Like, sometimes you allow, like, if a brother allows his wife to go through the phone, yeah,
00:07:26.500 and it's like, okay, you want to build that trust.
00:07:28.280 But after speaking to brothers where they're like, yeah, I've done that,
00:07:30.480 and then it's caused more problems.
00:07:32.500 He's like, I'll be open and be like, you know what, look, I don't know, for example,
00:07:35.540 this sister messaged me and said she wants to be my second wife.
00:07:38.580 Or third wife.
00:07:38.920 I don't know, arguments.
00:07:39.580 Or she's showing interest, yeah.
00:07:40.800 And I'm being transparent.
00:07:42.780 Imagine a brother saying, I'm being transparent, I'm just showing you.
00:07:45.100 You know what, I'm not interested at this moment of time.
00:07:47.260 And I'm just showing you.
00:07:48.400 Well, she's not going to be like, I appreciate and I value you.
00:07:50.200 Some brothers say, you know what, they start bugging out.
00:07:51.860 Like, oh, see, why are these girls messaging you?
00:07:54.680 I'm showing you what they're saying.
00:07:56.720 What's wrong with that, though?
00:07:57.540 No, no, no, but sometimes sisters can't handle that, bro.
00:08:00.800 Sometimes I realise, speaking to these brothers,
00:08:03.220 it's better you don't tell your wife.
00:08:05.340 Because the more you are, it's like, okay, why are these girls messaging you for?
00:08:07.580 Why are they coming to you for your problems for?
00:08:09.020 Yeah, but then again, how would you feel if you showed your wife a message
00:08:12.080 of another woman messaging you and she was like, okay.
00:08:15.220 I'll be thinking, like, don't, like, I don't know.
00:08:17.980 Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes that bit of jealousy, that bit of, you know,
00:08:20.360 it's kind of good.
00:08:22.080 That's good jealousy, that's a healthy jealousy, yeah?
00:08:24.080 Everyone, anyone that doesn't, that's very concerning, yeah?
00:08:26.460 But the thing is that when it goes to toxic levels where it's like,
00:08:29.860 obsessively, like, he's messaging you and then every time she's got,
00:08:33.340 I, like, it's like, it becomes dangerous.
00:08:35.380 And another thing that we don't understand is that argument's sake,
00:08:38.440 let's suppose, let's suppose, yeah?
00:08:40.200 Let's suppose the wife or the husband made a mistake.
00:08:43.980 Argument's sake.
00:08:44.440 Whatever it may be, I don't know, whatever it may be,
00:08:48.660 the fact that you do not know, it's going to save your marriage.
00:08:51.700 Now, if you do know, it's going to ruin your marriage.
00:08:53.820 It's better that you do not know.
00:08:55.460 So that's why some scholars will say that it's not forbidden.
00:08:57.560 It's forbidden for you to go through each other's phone.
00:08:59.740 Because it can be argument's sake.
00:09:01.120 Let's suppose he went and got a second wife, yeah?
00:09:03.760 And argument's sake, he was like, you know what?
00:09:05.820 Actually, this is not for me, yeah?
00:09:07.440 Like Brother Hallu.
00:09:08.500 But he does that before he's going into it.
00:09:10.820 So argument's sake, you made this mistake.
00:09:12.500 It's better your wife doesn't know.
00:09:14.040 It was a mistake that happened.
00:09:15.480 Whatever it may be, is it better that she comes and now, please,
00:09:18.500 or argument's sake, vice versa, she messaged her work?
00:09:22.480 You're basically like promoting lying.
00:09:25.040 Well, to be honest, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam allowed three types of,
00:09:27.960 they're called pink lies, yeah?
00:09:28.920 Or white lies.
00:09:29.340 When it comes to war, when it comes to in-between friends.
00:09:33.220 So imagine, let's see me and you fell out, yeah?
00:09:34.820 And I'm like, nah, Hallu violated me, man.
00:09:36.480 Nah, nah, that was mad, yeah?
00:09:37.360 He spoke to me like that.
00:09:38.340 And then the brother goes, you know what,
00:09:39.300 but Hallu always talks so much good about you.
00:09:40.660 But you never.
00:09:41.560 He's like, bro, I was with him once, man was crying, bro.
00:09:43.440 He was saying, you know what, Ali's my boy.
00:09:44.560 And I go, rah, rah, is that him, yeah?
00:09:46.240 And I call you and I go, bro.
00:09:47.280 So this is something to reconcile, yeah?
00:09:49.840 And then when it comes with the wife as well, yeah?
00:09:52.940 You have to.
00:09:53.440 Like, you know, imagine if somebody's wife came and said,
00:09:56.840 oh, you know, your friend this, this, and I'd be like,
00:09:58.280 you know what, this guy, he always, he cries.
00:10:00.220 I see tears in his eyes.
00:10:01.360 Love, the guy's in love with you.
00:10:02.820 And I've never seen that in my life in him, yeah?
00:10:04.540 He probably hates the guts.
00:10:05.540 But the point is, I have to say that to help them reconcile.
00:10:08.560 Do you get it?
00:10:09.100 So it's very important because otherwise,
00:10:11.040 it's going to go to levels where it becomes obsessive.
00:10:13.720 You don't stop there, by the way, yeah?
00:10:14.980 It becomes, and you know sisters can be like CIA.
00:10:16.900 Yeah, they know everything, bro.
00:10:18.040 Like, they go into something.
00:10:19.340 Wallahi, you sometimes find out.
00:10:20.520 I don't know how you guys know.
00:10:21.840 They should go work for the CIA.
00:10:23.440 They go into some next-level research, bro, yeah?
00:10:25.120 And they find stuff.
00:10:26.120 And I think not only that, also, for example,
00:10:29.100 there might be things, arguments sake, from their past.
00:10:32.400 You don't know.
00:10:32.780 Maybe it was there.
00:10:33.520 They have no idea.
00:10:34.660 I think it ruins marriages.
00:10:36.320 Adan, what do you think, Aki?
00:10:37.620 I agree.
00:10:39.080 Yeah.
00:10:39.980 I can't, I literally, everything you said was.
00:10:42.720 No, no, I think.
00:10:43.400 It's a contradiction to what he said in the first place, no?
00:10:45.380 Oh, okay, so the soul is, um.
00:10:46.940 I'm picking up.
00:10:48.480 No, he, what did he say?
00:10:49.720 It's a, he says, like, it should be transparency
00:10:52.440 and everyone should access phones, but that goes.
00:10:56.520 No, no, no, no, no.
00:10:57.420 So what he said about what happens in the past, you know, that's different.
00:11:01.640 For example, if, you know, if something comes, like, let's say he's watching a YouTube video
00:11:06.580 and a text comes up and she says who is, and, you know, he's kind of, you know, shying
00:11:11.800 away from, you know, I'm not going to tell you anything, then I, then I agree that there
00:11:16.480 should be transparency where he should go through that phone.
00:11:19.500 And, but for any other cause, just randomly, I just feel like the trust should be.
00:11:24.660 If your girl's asking you every, sorry, not your girl, I mean, your wife, the same thing.
00:11:28.940 I mean, your wife.
00:11:29.900 We know what you mean.
00:11:33.740 I'm sorry.
00:11:34.300 We know what you mean.
00:11:35.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:11:36.160 So if your wife asks you every day, or like every time you get a text or a phone call,
00:11:39.820 who's that, who's that, who's that, then yeah, that's not, that's not really good.
00:11:42.620 But like here and there, sometimes if she does say, oh, I say like her phone dies, she
00:11:45.900 goes, can I go through your phone?
00:11:46.920 Or if she like wants to text her mum, and she has no connection, and she goes on your
00:11:51.000 phone, yeah, it's fine.
00:11:52.500 And then she got something to hide.
00:11:53.400 She's not going to stop there, but come on, women can be very like, you know.
00:11:57.060 No, but Brother Ali, what type of women are you talking about?
00:11:59.600 Because some women are not like that.
00:12:01.180 Some women can accept it.
00:12:02.680 Okay, fair enough.
00:12:03.440 I've seen something.
00:12:04.640 And that can be for two things.
00:12:06.040 Because she's confident, and she's 100% like secure around you.
00:12:10.800 That's a very low percentage of women.
00:12:12.920 I'm sorry to say that.
00:12:13.280 But there are some, we have to mention it, that there are, those women do exist.
00:12:16.140 But we need to talk about the majority.
00:12:17.800 Okay, let's talk about those little minority.
00:12:20.740 So what would you say is that minority?
00:12:21.740 You're saying that not all women, that they feel like that.
00:12:24.020 I don't think all women feel that way.
00:12:26.340 I think that's a very healthy mindset to be like, you know what, I'm not going to look
00:12:30.500 at this.
00:12:30.920 Yeah.
00:12:31.320 Because at the end of the day, it's harmful.
00:12:32.780 But a lot of sisters are very like, maybe I'm generalising, but like a lot of females
00:12:36.400 are very...
00:12:37.240 But those are the women that are the girls.
00:12:39.340 That's for many reasons.
00:12:40.140 Maybe past experiences, or maybe she's doing something, and then she feels guilty.
00:12:44.240 Or maybe the husband's given a reason to feel that way.
00:12:46.860 Okay, but that past...
00:12:47.440 I'm going to throw, I'm going to throw the S word out there.
00:12:50.240 It's the Shayateen.
00:12:51.660 Okay?
00:12:52.480 This is the was-was to get you in marital troubles.
00:12:55.900 Yeah?
00:12:56.180 So it's the was-was.
00:12:57.040 It's like, you were out the other day.
00:12:59.140 You saw him look at that girl out of the side of his eye.
00:13:01.220 I bet he's got another girl on the side.
00:13:02.660 You got to look at that phone.
00:13:03.460 You will find that girl in that phone.
00:13:05.840 This is the was-was.
00:13:06.960 It's was-was.
00:13:07.380 It's trying to destroy your marriage.
00:13:09.200 What you need to say is, Shaytan, go die.
00:13:12.640 Thank you very much.
00:13:13.660 I trust my man.
00:13:14.780 I know my man.
00:13:16.100 You give yourself...
00:13:16.960 If you have a good man, why are you doubting him?
00:13:19.940 If he's never given you a reason to actually think he's cheating on you, where is that
00:13:24.120 coming from?
00:13:24.680 Because it's not your thoughts.
00:13:25.760 Very good.
00:13:26.460 This is very interesting.
00:13:28.080 I will speak to brothers who are like...
00:13:29.760 Obviously, I can speak to people that I can vouch for, you know, I've spent time with, etc.
00:13:33.240 And they're good brothers.
00:13:34.780 Well, like God-fearing, none of that mad thing, yeah?
00:13:37.260 But still, the wives will be like, no.
00:13:39.300 So, it comes from Shaytan.
00:13:40.360 Because imagine, yeah?
00:13:41.020 Because sometimes we don't understand what Shaytan's job is.
00:13:42.820 It's was-was-was.
00:13:43.640 Just imagine, bro.
00:13:44.600 I'm here all day.
00:13:46.240 And I'm like...
00:13:47.760 Not you.
00:13:48.460 Argument's sake.
00:13:48.880 Another brother, yeah?
00:13:49.440 Let's call him Ahmed, yeah?
00:13:50.760 And I go, Ahmed, what if your wife talks to someone else?
00:13:53.680 Ahmed, your wife?
00:13:54.260 Maybe she talks to someone else.
00:13:55.340 Bro, at one moment at a time, you're going to be like, hey, maybe she is, bro.
00:13:58.200 Bro, do you realize that's Shaytan's job, bro?
00:14:00.840 24-7, bro.
00:14:01.780 Man comes in your dreams, yeah?
00:14:03.480 And he's telling you all this kind of stuff.
00:14:04.900 So, you can see.
00:14:06.160 But how do we tackle that?
00:14:07.140 Because the was-was-was is for real.
00:14:08.880 Basically, you don't have friends.
00:14:10.740 No, no, you can't have friends.
00:14:11.480 No, of course.
00:14:11.860 That's a given.
00:14:12.640 That's a given.
00:14:13.380 But the point is that Shaytan comes and adds different stuff, bro, yeah?
00:14:17.140 Argument's sake.
00:14:17.600 I don't know.
00:14:18.880 She goes to...
00:14:19.740 I don't know.
00:14:20.180 She goes to work.
00:14:21.340 And there's a security.
00:14:22.220 I don't know.
00:14:22.600 Argument's sake, yeah?
00:14:23.960 Shaytan, bro, brings...
00:14:24.800 And guess what?
00:14:25.360 It spirals, bro.
00:14:26.160 It never stops at checking the phone, bro.
00:14:28.500 It starts following.
00:14:29.600 Start putting some devices in your car.
00:14:31.240 You know, tracking devices.
00:14:32.560 Bro, it goes to extremes.
00:14:34.060 And we need to really...
00:14:34.820 And I believe, not doing your adhkar, if you're not praying, yeah?
00:14:38.240 Saying, awduh bilamina shaitan ar-rajim, which is very important.
00:14:40.200 Even when your salah comes, you're supposed to say, awduh bilamina shaitan ar-rajim.
00:14:43.660 Yeah?
00:14:43.980 You're supposed to do that.
00:14:44.700 Okay?
00:14:45.100 Maybe next month I think you're crazy, but it's a sunnah.
00:14:47.080 You have to do it, yeah?
00:14:47.840 So, we don't implement this.
00:14:49.580 And then, wallahi, adhkar is so fundamental.
00:14:53.280 Especially if you're a public figure.
00:14:54.540 If you're not doing your adhkar, I'm telling you, it's a miracle you're alive.
00:14:59.000 Jealousy, envy, and all this kind of stuff.
00:15:01.080 But what could practical solutions for our sisters or brothers?
00:15:05.500 Because, I don't know, do you think this stands for more from sisters or brothers?
00:15:08.620 Like, being nosy.
00:15:09.460 I think both.
00:15:10.480 Because what you're mentioning here is paranoia.
00:15:13.800 Let me just say.
00:15:14.760 But can we just remind the fact that we are talking about jealousy more than the, if we
00:15:20.140 really want to talk about something.
00:15:21.640 I think it's more insecurity than jealousy because there's not an actual factor.
00:15:24.720 Some women have reasons, like certain, like the brother said, certain husbands behave
00:15:29.920 in a way, or they have maybe a past, or maybe already made mistakes that put the woman
00:15:35.200 in a very insecure way.
00:15:37.340 And I have known women that were very secure in their marriage, very happy.
00:15:40.820 But when that betrayal happened, everything collapsed, this self-confidence, it's inside
00:15:46.120 destruction.
00:15:47.120 And they hate to be like that.
00:15:49.200 They hate to be jealous.
00:15:50.560 They hate to be possessive and being doubtful.
00:15:52.820 They don't want to be like that.
00:15:54.260 But it's the pain.
00:15:55.560 You know, it's the pain.
00:15:56.300 It's the trauma that's causing doubts.
00:15:57.860 I think betrayal is understandable.
00:16:00.060 Like, even in their sense, even if it's a second wife, because to them it's betrayal,
00:16:02.780 isn't it?
00:16:03.160 We understand where the sisters are coming from.
00:16:05.280 That is understandable, checking the phone, because now you've caused this whole chaos.
00:16:08.640 You get them straight up.
00:16:09.780 If you're straight up, she'll be like, you know what?
00:16:11.280 I know if he's going to do it, he's going to come and tell me.
00:16:12.680 That's why I tell two little brothers, maybe it's not practical.
00:16:15.240 Some scholars say you should hide it.
00:16:16.700 But being open.
00:16:17.860 If I'm going to get married again, I'm going to come and tell you.
00:16:19.760 Well, like, I'm going to come and tell you.
00:16:21.080 You know what?
00:16:21.300 I'm going to come and introduce you to the second wife.
00:16:22.800 Yeah?
00:16:23.120 So the thing is, if you're honest, the woman will say, you know what?
00:16:25.460 This guy is an honest guy.
00:16:27.280 At least, I don't need to go for his phone.
00:16:28.480 He's telling me straight up.
00:16:29.480 But when you do it behind the back, and then that's what it causes where I can't trust
00:16:32.900 him anymore.
00:16:33.620 Do you get what I'm trying to say?
00:16:34.420 And even if you'd be honest, you're still going to go mad, don't you?
00:16:35.960 Ask a question as being like talking to influencers, Muslim influencers.
00:16:41.180 How do you deal with that?
00:16:42.620 I always wanted to ask the question.
00:16:44.620 With the woman's communication, being married yourself.
00:16:48.500 Sliding into DMs.
00:16:50.260 Sliding into DMs.
00:16:51.480 And sometimes.
00:16:52.060 Are they sliding into our DMs?
00:16:53.500 Or are we?
00:16:55.000 Vissa basa.
00:16:55.520 I'm just confused.
00:16:56.880 Them sliding into your DMs.
00:16:58.280 No, it's just like, I always wondered, how does it work?
00:17:01.540 Because obviously, you're talking to the male, obviously, of the community.
00:17:04.780 But as well of the sister's topics.
00:17:06.900 How does it work?
00:17:07.820 Brother.
00:17:09.280 Are you going to ask me?
00:17:09.860 Amina, we love you.
00:17:11.300 We love you, Amina.
00:17:12.600 And we're going to make sure that no one slides in his DMs.
00:17:15.040 No, I'll stop for a lot, bro.
00:17:16.460 Stop for a lot.
00:17:17.200 Any girl, chat to me, yeah?
00:17:18.320 Leave them alone.
00:17:20.400 I'm joking.
00:17:20.820 So, how do you deal with that?
00:17:22.500 I'm joking, I'm joking.
00:17:23.540 I don't condone any violence.
00:17:25.520 I'm joking.
00:17:26.080 That was a joke.
00:17:26.880 No, no, no.
00:17:27.800 So, when I first started social media, if a girl would comment, oh my god, you're so
00:17:30.740 funny.
00:17:31.760 I'll say, okay, thank you.
00:17:32.800 Or I'll like double type the comment.
00:17:34.860 My wife said, listen, I don't like you replying to the girls.
00:17:37.360 And now she replies to the girls.
00:17:40.180 And I reply to the guys.
00:17:41.120 Did she reply under your name?
00:17:42.920 Yeah, so it's like, oh, I can't have one account, but it's like my name and my face
00:17:46.500 on it.
00:17:46.880 Okay, because that system might be like, right, I didn't use that to my comment.
00:17:49.620 Yeah, but it doesn't matter what they think, as long as me and my wife know who's replying,
00:17:54.060 that's the main thing, do you know what I mean?
00:17:54.940 But it's nice to say it.
00:17:56.500 I think I will really appreciate that you say it on your account publicly, that if any comments,
00:18:02.840 female comments, is answered, it's by my wife.
00:18:05.540 And I really like that policy.
00:18:06.740 I think the thing is, to be honest, being in the DAO is different because you've got
00:18:10.620 people messaging you, I'm suicidal, I'm in a haram relationship.
00:18:13.680 So it's like, we get sisters coming to speak.
00:18:16.840 We're not talking about those sisters.
00:18:18.020 No, I'm talking about comments, the like, the harsh.
00:18:19.860 No, no, comments and all that kind of stuff.
00:18:21.380 Like, yeah, like, to be honest.
00:18:22.520 Or the slide in the DMs, like, I want to be your third wife, I want to be your fourth
00:18:25.240 wife, I want to be your 16th wife.
00:18:26.900 Did you get that?
00:18:27.260 Did you get that?
00:18:28.100 Very, very rarely.
00:18:29.340 I never got that.
00:18:30.520 Yeah, very rarely.
00:18:31.500 No, I'm not joking.
00:18:32.040 I never got that.
00:18:32.640 He's upset.
00:18:33.420 He's upset.
00:18:33.900 You were talking about your true nature, you're going against it.
00:18:36.200 Of course, they're not going to comment.
00:18:36.840 Yeah, but why does nobody think that?
00:18:39.000 Everyone's scared of Amina.
00:18:40.280 Everyone's scared of Amina.
00:18:42.660 Everyone's terrified.
00:18:43.300 So, the thing is here is that, for example, with me, it's like, obviously, like, we have
00:18:47.800 checks in place, like me, let's say, Zeeshan, Mohammed Hijab, you know, we have checks in
00:18:52.020 place.
00:18:52.220 And I think, as a person in the Dawah, I think it's healthy and not healthy in the same sense
00:18:57.040 where you allow your wife to have that access because it's, for your own good, it's good
00:19:01.800 as well, number one.
00:19:03.360 And number two, sometimes, though, it can be unhealthy because if your wife is seeing that
00:19:07.500 system message, why are they messaging you?
00:19:08.980 Because it's your chance.
00:19:09.760 Yeah.
00:19:10.040 Why are they messaging?
00:19:10.520 Why do they have to come to you for?
00:19:11.600 Do you get what I'm trying to say?
00:19:12.200 So, these comments are there.
00:19:13.360 It's understandable.
00:19:14.040 So, it's a thin line.
00:19:15.500 So, but you should always, I would definitely say, be it somebody that you trust, let them
00:19:19.200 have access to your account.
00:19:20.500 Because at least if you keep yourself in check, you have to.
00:19:23.060 We're not angels.
00:19:25.240 Wallah, it's by the mercy of Allah that we are protected from this.
00:19:28.360 I would never come and give credit to myself of, I do this.
00:19:31.080 Yes, there's protocols that are taking place, but wallah, it's by Allah.
00:19:33.860 Like Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the Quran, Surah Yusuf, that if it wasn't for
00:19:37.100 Yusuf, the signs that he saw, he may have inclined to it.
00:19:40.340 May have.
00:19:40.860 So, the thing is, it goes back to Allah.
00:19:42.760 So, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, like if you have that good connection with your Lord,
00:19:45.980 Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will protect you, but we have to be very careful.
00:19:49.180 Sometimes, yeah, like people message.
00:19:51.220 And with us, public figures, bro, people message and they have evil intentions.
00:19:55.380 Yeah?
00:19:55.540 Like back in the days, bro, wallahi, they message you just to track you.
00:19:59.120 Just to see, ah, watch, let me see fucking, you know, lure him in, yeah?
00:20:02.140 Wallahi.
00:20:02.460 Actually, it's a funny story.
00:20:05.000 I won't tell you the brother done it, yeah?
00:20:06.260 There's one brother, he messaged me.
00:20:09.860 I know, I don't know why he did this.
00:20:11.080 He messaged me pretending to be a sister, yeah?
00:20:14.560 Okay?
00:20:15.180 I don't know why he did it.
00:20:16.220 It's a brother that I know, yeah?
00:20:17.700 It's probably laughing.
00:20:18.280 I thought my sisters were doing that.
00:20:19.120 He messaged me and he's like, he's talking, talking, like, and he's just, he's saying
00:20:23.120 some stuff.
00:20:23.780 And then I just cut the conversation, yeah?
00:20:25.820 I just, you know?
00:20:27.180 And then he messaged me, he was like, yeah, it was me.
00:20:29.040 I said, why do you, why do you need to do that, yeah?
00:20:31.460 And he was like, no, he was just like, and it's actually might be haram for him to do
00:20:34.340 that because, but it's like, he was like, no, it's good that you replied and you put
00:20:37.860 me in my place.
00:20:38.320 But I said, still, you know, at the end of the day, it's, it's, imagine I didn't,
00:20:41.820 yeah?
00:20:42.140 You're exposing my same arguments, do you know what I'm trying to say?
00:20:44.440 So the thing is, we have to be very, very careful as public figures because at the
00:20:47.280 end of the day, you know, we know women are hypergamous by nature, yeah?
00:20:50.180 They look up for men like you are, leaders, social influence, etc.
00:20:54.620 We have, it's a big fitna.
00:20:55.760 It's a big fitna.
00:20:56.900 So with us men, we need to be more careful because it's, it's, it's an open challenge.
00:21:02.240 But at the end of the day, I think going through each other's phone is unhealthy, yeah?
00:21:07.460 There might be those odd times.
00:21:08.660 But when you say that, you need context.
00:21:10.000 But bro, look.
00:21:10.700 Every day?
00:21:11.440 No, no, not every day, not every day.
00:21:12.600 It shouldn't happen.
00:21:13.660 No, no, no, it should be like this, yeah?
00:21:14.960 It should be like this.
00:21:15.940 It shouldn't have to.
00:21:16.380 No, it should be like this, yeah?
00:21:17.720 No one's going through no one's phone, yeah?
00:21:19.700 One day, argument's safe, you know what my wife says?
00:21:21.540 Argument's safe, yeah?
00:21:22.700 You know what?
00:21:23.320 Oh, for some reason, I've got this wasp, whatever it is, can I go through your phone?
00:21:26.160 No problem.
00:21:27.040 You want to go through my phone?
00:21:28.000 There you go.
00:21:29.300 At least, but now, if I do that, and then now it turns into a regular stuff, now it's
00:21:33.680 like, okay, look.
00:21:34.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:21:34.960 If I had anything to hide in that moment, yeah?
00:21:37.620 And my phone, if you see me always like, no, I don't go need my phone.
00:21:40.200 It's like, okay, why?
00:21:40.900 I'm triggering.
00:21:41.500 I'm causing.
00:21:42.200 But if I leave my phone around everywhere, yeah, which I do, like, so there shouldn't be a
00:21:46.220 reason.
00:21:46.460 Now, where is this coming from?
00:21:48.020 So, if it turns into a spiral of, I want to see it, no, can I check it out?
00:21:52.440 And then you come and catch her, she's looking for it, then it's turned into an endless, and
00:21:55.480 it's going to become toxic, bro, do you get what I'm trying to say?
00:21:57.360 And once again, it might be that she might have fallen into a sin, it might be that you
00:22:01.400 or me, we fell into a sin.
00:22:03.440 It's better that you don't know, I repent to my Lord, it doesn't affect our marriage.
00:22:07.000 What if you see it?
00:22:08.020 You don't need to see it.
00:22:09.020 What you don't know doesn't harm you.
00:22:10.680 So, I would personally say, stay away from it.
00:22:12.740 Like, it's better to preserve your marriage, because it's one of the reasons a lot of
00:22:15.280 people get divorced, yeah?
00:22:16.640 I saw this, he's done this, et cetera, da, da, da.
00:22:18.820 No problem, look, we are, man.
00:22:20.040 Sometimes we have these issues where we're like, yeah, yeah, man, he's a second wife,
00:22:23.620 et cetera.
00:22:24.060 And sometimes it's just a phase.
00:22:25.260 They speak, and you're like, nah, nah, nah.
00:22:26.660 It was just, it's better you don't see it.
00:22:28.760 Yeah.
00:22:29.100 It's better you don't see it either.
00:22:29.720 And I would advise this to protect their mental health.
00:22:32.160 Yes.
00:22:32.340 Because, and it should, and again, we go back to Deen, the fact that you have a strong relationship
00:22:36.880 with Allah, I know it's very kitsch to say it, and every time we come back
00:22:40.560 with that sentence, but he will really, really heal the insecurities inside of you, and put
00:22:45.560 your trust in Allah.
00:22:46.520 And I like what the sister said, actually, saying that me being able to check on my husband's
00:22:52.820 phone is protecting him as well from the sin.
00:22:54.900 Because indirectly, you have the fear of Allah, but you have the fear of hurting the person
00:22:58.820 that you love, and that loves you.
00:23:00.380 So, at some times when you, a man is weak, a wife, a jealous wife, can save you from
00:23:08.040 sins.
00:23:08.240 A hundred percent.
00:23:08.980 I think if any brother feels, like maybe you agree with this, if any brother feels where
00:23:11.980 sometimes where, you know, whatever it may be, you know, you feel like you're going
00:23:16.160 to fall short, et cetera, you know what, tell your wife, you know what, I'll give you full
00:23:18.800 access to my, passwords, all of it, do that.
00:23:22.880 I think for the sake of Allah, it would definitely protect us.
00:23:25.220 At least you're like, you know, there's someone there looking, do you know what I'm trying
00:23:27.980 to say?
00:23:28.160 That falls under that Allah says that we are like a clothing for each other.
00:23:32.140 You know, we are protection for each other.
00:23:34.500 We keep each other accountable, not only in this, in everything.
00:23:37.580 You're not waking up for Fajr.
00:23:38.860 I'm going to be your alarm clock.
00:23:40.040 You're not doing this.
00:23:40.880 You're slacking on this.
00:23:41.920 That's what we're here for, to counterbalance each other in our weaknesses.
00:23:46.100 I think also like in marriage, when people get married, they don't get rid of male and
00:23:50.900 female friends.
00:23:52.200 So, I think the females don't get rid of their male friends, and the male doesn't get rid of
00:23:55.540 the female friends.
00:23:56.420 Yes.
00:23:56.600 And then, you might be okay with it at the start, which I don't understand how, but
00:24:01.920 you might be okay with it.
00:24:02.740 And then once you, you know, get married and spend time, and a friend pops up, it might
00:24:07.000 be just an innocent friend, and that causes problems, and then you go through the phone,
00:24:10.020 and you, you know what I mean?
00:24:10.860 Bro, that's very dangerous.
00:24:11.720 And to be honest, it's a topic within itself.
00:24:13.320 So, I'm going to wrap this up.
00:24:14.400 So, brothers and sisters, hope you benefited from this specific topic about going through
00:24:17.400 each other's phone.
00:24:17.920 Don't do it.
00:24:18.360 It's not worth it.
00:24:18.880 Your marriage is more important.
00:24:20.020 And that's one of the reasons we do the show.
00:24:21.700 Until next time, assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
00:24:24.500 The Prophet SAW said, whoever builds a masjid for the sake of Allah SWT, Allah will build
00:24:30.780 for him a similar house in Jannah.
00:24:33.700 On that day, where Allah SWT tells us that our books will be given, and every little
00:24:38.860 atom weight of good deed you've done will be there.
00:24:41.480 And imagine you see a mountain, and you're like, what a lucky person.
00:24:45.440 Which righteous person?
00:24:47.500 And Allah says, this is for you.
00:24:49.060 For me?
00:24:49.820 Yes.
00:24:50.440 What did I do?
00:24:51.180 You allowed people to pray.
00:24:53.580 You built a masjid.
00:24:54.620 I never had the money to build a masjid, oh Allah.
00:24:56.600 You helped.
00:24:57.740 You gave towards it, and Allah gives you the reward of as if you've built it.
00:25:01.660 Donate now, guys, and do not delay.
00:25:03.560 And share the video for extra rewards.