Ali Dawah - ＂CAN I SPY ON MY WIFES PHONE？＂ - EP2 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

00:00:00.000 Would you allow your wife to go through your phone? 0.78

00:00:04.000 100%.

00:00:05.120 Okay. 0.86

00:00:06.640 Vice versa, I think it's ridiculous.

00:00:09.300 I don't think there should be enough trust.

00:00:11.500 I don't agree to checking each other's phones.

00:00:14.680 Why?

00:00:15.880 Going behind someone's back, breaking into their phone,

00:00:19.060 that's breaking trust, security,

00:00:21.200 and you want to create an insecure relationship?

00:00:23.540 I was in a difficult situation.

00:00:26.440 I saw the phone, just had like a child,

00:00:28.320 and I was like, I am not touching the phone

00:00:30.280 because I do not know if I am going to be able to handle

00:00:33.440 whatever I'm going to find.

00:00:34.960 You're basically like promoting lying.

00:00:37.520 I'll speak to the brothers where they're like,

00:00:38.820 yeah, I've done that, and then it's caused more problems.

00:00:41.140 Or maybe the husband's given her a reason to feel that way.

00:00:43.620 Because she's confident and she's 100% secure around you.

00:00:48.500 That's a very low percentage of women. 1.00

00:00:50.660 But there are some, we have to mention it,

00:00:52.700 that there are those women doing it. 0.96

00:00:53.860 But we need to talk about the majority.

00:00:55.320 How would you feel if you showed your wife a message

00:00:56.920 or another woman messaged you and she was like,

00:00:58.900 okay, I'll be thinking, like, don't, like...

00:01:01.980 This is the West West to get you in marital troubles, yeah?

00:01:05.740 So it's the West West, it's like,

00:01:07.380 you were out the other day,

00:01:08.700 you saw him look at that girl out of the side of his eye,

00:01:10.780 I bet he's got another girl on the side.

00:01:12.220 You've got to look at that phone,

00:01:13.020 you will find that girl in that phone.

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00:01:42.700 As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

00:01:44.260 Brothers and sisters and dear friends,

00:01:45.560 welcome to another episode of the...

00:01:47.640 What's the show called?

00:01:50.820 Halul, don't do this to me, you're a regular...

00:01:52.420 The bitter truth.

00:01:54.180 The bitter truth.

00:01:54.740 Why is it the bitter truth?

00:01:56.720 Because the truth is bitter.

00:01:57.960 Brothers and sisters, we are here to discuss real issues,

00:02:00.240 real topics pertaining to marriage, divorce,

00:02:02.880 if you're single, looking to get married,

00:02:04.060 whatever it is, inshallah.

00:02:04.880 And our aim is, inshallah, to benefit the Muslim households, inshallah.

00:02:09.020 So, at the email right here, which you can see,

00:02:11.460 you can send in your questions,

00:02:12.820 if you're going through something yourself,

00:02:14.040 you want to join the panel,

00:02:15.080 like our dear, esteemed sisters, honourable sisters,

00:02:18.200 or if you want to come, inshallah, join as brothers,

00:02:20.980 please send an email, inshallah,

00:02:23.020 and we'll get in touch with you when that happens.

00:02:25.160 Today's topic is very interesting,

00:02:26.280 because it's pertaining to marriage,

00:02:27.620 and it's pertaining to couples,

00:02:29.060 because it's a marriage,

00:02:30.080 and basically about going through each other's phones.

00:02:33.460 Now, this is a phenomenon, I think, maybe, you know,

00:02:37.080 subhanAllah.

00:02:37.600 So, I think, personally,

00:02:39.820 I think it's a dangerous thing to do.

00:02:41.780 This is me personally.

00:02:42.560 I don't know about you guys.

00:02:43.640 But, would you allow your wife to go through your phone? 0.99

00:02:47.860 100%.

00:02:48.540 Okay. 0.86

00:02:50.620 Vice versa, I think it's ridiculous.

00:02:53.180 I don't think there should be enough trust with transparency as well.

00:02:57.640 Yeah, but that question...

00:02:58.560 I feel like that you shouldn't be checking each other's phones.

00:03:01.260 There should be transparency in...

00:03:02.720 Okay.

00:03:03.140 No, no, no.

00:03:03.560 Absolutely trust the each other.

00:03:04.540 No, no, no.

00:03:05.560 I didn't take...

00:03:06.080 No, no, no.

00:03:06.400 He said, he just said, would you let, would you let.

00:03:08.240 It's not like...

00:03:08.920 Oh, would you let.

00:03:09.740 Yeah, would you let.

00:03:10.120 Okay, that's a different question.

00:03:10.920 Yeah, that's a different question.

00:03:11.760 Yes.

00:03:12.780 Okay, okay.

00:03:13.460 So, would you let...

00:03:14.580 Okay, I understand.

00:03:15.800 Sister Saul, would you allow...

00:03:18.180 Would you think couples are watching this,

00:03:19.960 they should allow each other to go through each other's phones?

00:03:23.780 At first, I did the mistake of maybe wanting to access the phone.

00:03:30.620 And I think it's really related to our self-confidence and how we feel in a couple and that confidence.

00:03:36.040 When you feel like...

00:03:37.180 Insecure.

00:03:38.060 Insecure.

00:03:38.640 Yeah.

00:03:38.800 In that relationship.

00:03:40.000 This is where, like, you want to see the phone.

00:03:41.880 Not because you're curious, not because you want to invade your husband's life or personal life,

00:03:46.380 but deeply, I do not think, like, either of them should be checking anyone's phone.

00:03:51.440 First of all, as a sister, you aren't checking...

00:03:53.820 Maybe a sister is sending me pictures, maybe there is non-hijabi or hijabi sister that are there, 1.00

00:03:58.660 and I really think that we should keep saying things private.

00:04:02.240 Conversation with my friends, conversation with his friends,

00:04:05.220 and I think many times, and this has happened to me,

00:04:09.080 that I was in a difficult situation, I saw the phone,

00:04:13.500 and I just had, like, a child, and I was like, I am not touching the phone

00:04:17.660 because I do not know if I am going to be able to handle whatever I'm going to find.

00:04:23.400 And I think this is a pressure that we should...

00:04:26.460 It's really, like, inside work.

00:04:28.780 It's really inside healing, thinking, you know what?

00:04:31.420 And faith.

00:04:32.460 Put my trust in Allah, Azza wa Jal. 1.00

00:04:33.880 If there is anything that Allah wants to show me,

00:04:36.900 it will show up in the perfect, most honorable way.

00:04:43.020 Yeah.

00:04:43.500 That's my answer.

00:04:45.380 I think it should be 100% trust with each other.

00:04:49.040 I don't agree to check in each other's phones.

00:04:52.200 Why?

00:04:53.380 I think it's a good thing.

00:04:54.980 I feel it's toxic.

00:04:55.280 I think it's a good thing if you are able to do that.

00:04:58.600 But I think it depends on who the person is themselves as well

00:05:02.680 because they could see a message, it means something else,

00:05:05.800 and they will, in their mind, because of the biased thoughts they have,

00:05:08.980 they interpret it into something else.

00:05:10.920 So, yes, there should be 100% trust between husband and wife.

00:05:14.340 If your wife says, show me your phone,

00:05:16.160 or if the husband says, show me your phone,

00:05:17.920 because they have slight insecurity, 100% here.

00:05:21.020 But warn them, do not go into my message where sisters have shared pictures.

00:05:24.640 Yes.

00:05:24.940 Or, you know, personal conversations.

00:05:27.840 If wherever you have that doubt, you check that part of it.

00:05:31.640 But I don't think it should be, no, this is my private space.

00:05:34.940 Because from experience, I've been where I've completely never checked the phone.

00:05:41.640 But, you know, what happens sometimes, that person falls into sin.

00:05:46.340 No?

00:05:46.620 And that's where I believe that trust should lie where husband and wife,

00:05:49.920 if they have that doubt, then they should be able to say to their husband,

00:05:52.980 oh, wife, can I check your phone, please? 1.00

00:05:55.020 That's the only time I believe that, okay, if there is doubt, then yeah.

00:05:59.800 But otherwise, no, I don't think there should be a need for it.

00:06:03.780 So your question was, should you allow the person, right?

00:06:07.540 So that means that there's a level of trust conversation happening.

00:06:11.380 It's not, oh, you went to the bathroom, I remember your code,

00:06:14.840 and I snuck onto your phone to look, right?

00:06:16.680 Yeah, one of those two.

00:06:18.300 One is behind his back, or her back, and the second is asking.

00:06:23.440 So I think there should be complete transparency between a husband and a wife. 0.56

00:06:27.460 I think it should be done in a healthy and not a toxic way,

00:06:31.680 and that would be not sneaking in behind someone's back.

00:06:35.060 Like, if you see something on your husband's phone, and you're like,

00:06:38.180 oh, what was that?

00:06:39.380 And you ask him, oh, who is that from?

00:06:40.960 Then he should answer.

00:06:41.900 And if he sees something on your phone, he should say, what was that?

00:06:44.480 What did they want?

00:06:45.380 And you should answer.

00:06:46.060 Because as a husband and wife, you have to understand that you each have a personal life,

00:06:50.360 but you are allowed to be involved in that personal life.

00:06:53.780 Going behind someone's back, breaking into their phone,

00:06:56.440 that's breaking trust, security, and you want to create an insecure relationship,

00:07:01.120 there is exactly how you do it.

00:07:02.780 Because you've broken the foundation that's between you.

00:07:05.840 You have abused their privacy.

00:07:08.720 And sharing your privacy and opening up isn't the same as losing your privacy,

00:07:12.960 because it's done in a respectful way.

00:07:15.220 And so there's two different kind of ways to go about that.

00:07:18.640 Okay, interesting.

00:07:19.740 So, yeah, I think it's like, I don't know, man.

00:07:22.060 Like, sometimes you allow, like, if a brother allows his wife to go through the phone, yeah, 0.50

00:07:26.500 and it's like, okay, you want to build that trust.

00:07:28.280 But after speaking to brothers where they're like, yeah, I've done that,

00:07:30.480 and then it's caused more problems.

00:07:32.500 He's like, I'll be open and be like, you know what, look, I don't know, for example,

00:07:35.540 this sister messaged me and said she wants to be my second wife. 1.00

00:07:38.580 Or third wife. 0.92

00:07:38.920 I don't know, arguments.

00:07:39.580 Or she's showing interest, yeah.

00:07:40.800 And I'm being transparent.

00:07:42.780 Imagine a brother saying, I'm being transparent, I'm just showing you.

00:07:45.100 You know what, I'm not interested at this moment of time.

00:07:47.260 And I'm just showing you.

00:07:48.400 Well, she's not going to be like, I appreciate and I value you.

00:07:50.200 Some brothers say, you know what, they start bugging out.

00:07:51.860 Like, oh, see, why are these girls messaging you?

00:07:54.680 I'm showing you what they're saying.

00:07:56.720 What's wrong with that, though?

00:07:57.540 No, no, no, but sometimes sisters can't handle that, bro. 1.00

00:08:00.800 Sometimes I realise, speaking to these brothers,

00:08:03.220 it's better you don't tell your wife.

00:08:05.340 Because the more you are, it's like, okay, why are these girls messaging you for?

00:08:07.580 Why are they coming to you for your problems for?

00:08:09.020 Yeah, but then again, how would you feel if you showed your wife a message

00:08:12.080 of another woman messaging you and she was like, okay.

00:08:15.220 I'll be thinking, like, don't, like, I don't know.

00:08:17.980 Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes that bit of jealousy, that bit of, you know,

00:08:20.360 it's kind of good.

00:08:22.080 That's good jealousy, that's a healthy jealousy, yeah?

00:08:24.080 Everyone, anyone that doesn't, that's very concerning, yeah?

00:08:26.460 But the thing is that when it goes to toxic levels where it's like,

00:08:29.860 obsessively, like, he's messaging you and then every time she's got,

00:08:33.340 I, like, it's like, it becomes dangerous.

00:08:35.380 And another thing that we don't understand is that argument's sake,

00:08:38.440 let's suppose, let's suppose, yeah?

00:08:40.200 Let's suppose the wife or the husband made a mistake.

00:08:43.980 Argument's sake.

00:08:44.440 Whatever it may be, I don't know, whatever it may be,

00:08:48.660 the fact that you do not know, it's going to save your marriage.

00:08:51.700 Now, if you do know, it's going to ruin your marriage.

00:08:53.820 It's better that you do not know.

00:08:55.460 So that's why some scholars will say that it's not forbidden.

00:08:57.560 It's forbidden for you to go through each other's phone.

00:08:59.740 Because it can be argument's sake.

00:09:01.120 Let's suppose he went and got a second wife, yeah? 0.91

00:09:03.760 And argument's sake, he was like, you know what?

00:09:05.820 Actually, this is not for me, yeah?

00:09:07.440 Like Brother Hallu.

00:09:08.500 But he does that before he's going into it.

00:09:10.820 So argument's sake, you made this mistake.

00:09:12.500 It's better your wife doesn't know.

00:09:14.040 It was a mistake that happened.

00:09:15.480 Whatever it may be, is it better that she comes and now, please,

00:09:18.500 or argument's sake, vice versa, she messaged her work?

00:09:22.480 You're basically like promoting lying.

00:09:25.040 Well, to be honest, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam allowed three types of,

00:09:27.960 they're called pink lies, yeah?

00:09:28.920 Or white lies.

00:09:29.340 When it comes to war, when it comes to in-between friends.

00:09:33.220 So imagine, let's see me and you fell out, yeah?

00:09:34.820 And I'm like, nah, Hallu violated me, man.

00:09:36.480 Nah, nah, that was mad, yeah?

00:09:37.360 He spoke to me like that.

00:09:38.340 And then the brother goes, you know what,

00:09:39.300 but Hallu always talks so much good about you.

00:09:40.660 But you never.

00:09:41.560 He's like, bro, I was with him once, man was crying, bro.

00:09:43.440 He was saying, you know what, Ali's my boy.

00:09:44.560 And I go, rah, rah, is that him, yeah?

00:09:46.240 And I call you and I go, bro.

00:09:47.280 So this is something to reconcile, yeah?

00:09:49.840 And then when it comes with the wife as well, yeah?

00:09:52.940 You have to.

00:09:53.440 Like, you know, imagine if somebody's wife came and said,

00:09:56.840 oh, you know, your friend this, this, and I'd be like,

00:09:58.280 you know what, this guy, he always, he cries.

00:10:00.220 I see tears in his eyes.

00:10:01.360 Love, the guy's in love with you.

00:10:02.820 And I've never seen that in my life in him, yeah?

00:10:04.540 He probably hates the guts.

00:10:05.540 But the point is, I have to say that to help them reconcile.

00:10:08.560 Do you get it?

00:10:09.100 So it's very important because otherwise,

00:10:11.040 it's going to go to levels where it becomes obsessive.

00:10:13.720 You don't stop there, by the way, yeah?

00:10:14.980 It becomes, and you know sisters can be like CIA. 1.00

00:10:16.900 Yeah, they know everything, bro.

00:10:18.040 Like, they go into something.

00:10:19.340 Wallahi, you sometimes find out.

00:10:20.520 I don't know how you guys know.

00:10:21.840 They should go work for the CIA.

00:10:23.440 They go into some next-level research, bro, yeah?

00:10:25.120 And they find stuff.

00:10:26.120 And I think not only that, also, for example,

00:10:29.100 there might be things, arguments sake, from their past.

00:10:32.400 You don't know.

00:10:32.780 Maybe it was there.

00:10:33.520 They have no idea.

00:10:34.660 I think it ruins marriages.

00:10:36.320 Adan, what do you think, Aki?

00:10:37.620 I agree.

00:10:39.080 Yeah.

00:10:39.980 I can't, I literally, everything you said was.

00:10:42.720 No, no, I think.

00:10:43.400 It's a contradiction to what he said in the first place, no?

00:10:45.380 Oh, okay, so the soul is, um.

00:10:46.940 I'm picking up.

00:10:48.480 No, he, what did he say?

00:10:49.720 It's a, he says, like, it should be transparency

00:10:52.440 and everyone should access phones, but that goes.

00:10:56.520 No, no, no, no, no.

00:10:57.420 So what he said about what happens in the past, you know, that's different.

00:11:01.640 For example, if, you know, if something comes, like, let's say he's watching a YouTube video

00:11:06.580 and a text comes up and she says who is, and, you know, he's kind of, you know, shying

00:11:11.800 away from, you know, I'm not going to tell you anything, then I, then I agree that there

00:11:16.480 should be transparency where he should go through that phone.

00:11:19.500 And, but for any other cause, just randomly, I just feel like the trust should be.

00:11:24.660 If your girl's asking you every, sorry, not your girl, I mean, your wife, the same thing. 0.75

00:11:28.940 I mean, your wife.

00:11:29.900 We know what you mean.

00:11:33.740 I'm sorry.

00:11:34.300 We know what you mean.

00:11:35.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:36.160 So if your wife asks you every day, or like every time you get a text or a phone call,

00:11:39.820 who's that, who's that, who's that, then yeah, that's not, that's not really good.

00:11:42.620 But like here and there, sometimes if she does say, oh, I say like her phone dies, she

00:11:45.900 goes, can I go through your phone?

00:11:46.920 Or if she like wants to text her mum, and she has no connection, and she goes on your

00:11:51.000 phone, yeah, it's fine.

00:11:52.500 And then she got something to hide.

00:11:53.400 She's not going to stop there, but come on, women can be very like, you know. 1.00

00:11:57.060 No, but Brother Ali, what type of women are you talking about? 0.88

00:11:59.600 Because some women are not like that. 1.00

00:12:01.180 Some women can accept it. 1.00

00:12:02.680 Okay, fair enough.

00:12:03.440 I've seen something.

00:12:04.640 And that can be for two things.

00:12:06.040 Because she's confident, and she's 100% like secure around you.

00:12:10.800 That's a very low percentage of women. 1.00

00:12:12.920 I'm sorry to say that.

00:12:13.280 But there are some, we have to mention it, that there are, those women do exist. 0.95

00:12:16.140 But we need to talk about the majority.

00:12:17.800 Okay, let's talk about those little minority.

00:12:20.740 So what would you say is that minority?

00:12:21.740 You're saying that not all women, that they feel like that.

00:12:24.020 I don't think all women feel that way.

00:12:26.340 I think that's a very healthy mindset to be like, you know what, I'm not going to look

00:12:30.500 at this.

00:12:30.920 Yeah.

00:12:31.320 Because at the end of the day, it's harmful.

00:12:32.780 But a lot of sisters are very like, maybe I'm generalising, but like a lot of females 1.00

00:12:36.400 are very...

00:12:37.240 But those are the women that are the girls. 1.00

00:12:39.340 That's for many reasons.

00:12:40.140 Maybe past experiences, or maybe she's doing something, and then she feels guilty.

00:12:44.240 Or maybe the husband's given a reason to feel that way.

00:12:46.860 Okay, but that past...

00:12:47.440 I'm going to throw, I'm going to throw the S word out there.

00:12:50.240 It's the Shayateen. 0.85

00:12:51.660 Okay?

00:12:52.480 This is the was-was to get you in marital troubles.

00:12:55.900 Yeah?

00:12:56.180 So it's the was-was.

00:12:57.040 It's like, you were out the other day.

00:12:59.140 You saw him look at that girl out of the side of his eye.

00:13:01.220 I bet he's got another girl on the side.

00:13:02.660 You got to look at that phone.

00:13:03.460 You will find that girl in that phone.

00:13:05.840 This is the was-was.

00:13:06.960 It's was-was.

00:13:07.380 It's trying to destroy your marriage. 1.00

00:13:09.200 What you need to say is, Shaytan, go die. 1.00

00:13:12.640 Thank you very much. 1.00

00:13:13.660 I trust my man.

00:13:14.780 I know my man.

00:13:16.100 You give yourself...

00:13:16.960 If you have a good man, why are you doubting him?

00:13:19.940 If he's never given you a reason to actually think he's cheating on you, where is that

00:13:24.120 coming from?

00:13:24.680 Because it's not your thoughts.

00:13:25.760 Very good.

00:13:26.460 This is very interesting.

00:13:28.080 I will speak to brothers who are like...

00:13:29.760 Obviously, I can speak to people that I can vouch for, you know, I've spent time with, etc.

00:13:33.240 And they're good brothers.

00:13:34.780 Well, like God-fearing, none of that mad thing, yeah?

00:13:37.260 But still, the wives will be like, no. 1.00

00:13:39.300 So, it comes from Shaytan.

00:13:40.360 Because imagine, yeah?

00:13:41.020 Because sometimes we don't understand what Shaytan's job is.

00:13:42.820 It's was-was-was.

00:13:43.640 Just imagine, bro.

00:13:44.600 I'm here all day.

00:13:46.240 And I'm like...

00:13:47.760 Not you.

00:13:48.460 Argument's sake.

00:13:48.880 Another brother, yeah?

00:13:49.440 Let's call him Ahmed, yeah?

00:13:50.760 And I go, Ahmed, what if your wife talks to someone else?

00:13:53.680 Ahmed, your wife?

00:13:54.260 Maybe she talks to someone else.

00:13:55.340 Bro, at one moment at a time, you're going to be like, hey, maybe she is, bro.

00:13:58.200 Bro, do you realize that's Shaytan's job, bro? 1.00

00:14:00.840 24-7, bro.

00:14:01.780 Man comes in your dreams, yeah?

00:14:03.480 And he's telling you all this kind of stuff.

00:14:04.900 So, you can see.

00:14:06.160 But how do we tackle that?

00:14:07.140 Because the was-was-was is for real.

00:14:08.880 Basically, you don't have friends.

00:14:10.740 No, no, you can't have friends.

00:14:11.480 No, of course.

00:14:11.860 That's a given.

00:14:12.640 That's a given.

00:14:13.380 But the point is that Shaytan comes and adds different stuff, bro, yeah?

00:14:17.140 Argument's sake.

00:14:17.600 I don't know.

00:14:18.880 She goes to... 0.99

00:14:19.740 I don't know.

00:14:20.180 She goes to work.

00:14:21.340 And there's a security.

00:14:22.220 I don't know.

00:14:22.600 Argument's sake, yeah?

00:14:23.960 Shaytan, bro, brings...

00:14:24.800 And guess what?

00:14:25.360 It spirals, bro.

00:14:26.160 It never stops at checking the phone, bro.

00:14:28.500 It starts following.

00:14:29.600 Start putting some devices in your car.

00:14:31.240 You know, tracking devices.

00:14:32.560 Bro, it goes to extremes.

00:14:34.060 And we need to really...

00:14:34.820 And I believe, not doing your adhkar, if you're not praying, yeah?

00:14:38.240 Saying, awduh bilamina shaitan ar-rajim, which is very important.

00:14:40.200 Even when your salah comes, you're supposed to say, awduh bilamina shaitan ar-rajim.

00:14:43.660 Yeah?

00:14:43.980 You're supposed to do that.

00:14:44.700 Okay? 0.72

00:14:45.100 Maybe next month I think you're crazy, but it's a sunnah.

00:14:47.080 You have to do it, yeah?

00:14:47.840 So, we don't implement this.

00:14:49.580 And then, wallahi, adhkar is so fundamental.

00:14:53.280 Especially if you're a public figure.

00:14:54.540 If you're not doing your adhkar, I'm telling you, it's a miracle you're alive. 0.99

00:14:59.000 Jealousy, envy, and all this kind of stuff.

00:15:01.080 But what could practical solutions for our sisters or brothers?

00:15:05.500 Because, I don't know, do you think this stands for more from sisters or brothers?

00:15:08.620 Like, being nosy.

00:15:09.460 I think both.

00:15:10.480 Because what you're mentioning here is paranoia.

00:15:13.800 Let me just say.

00:15:14.760 But can we just remind the fact that we are talking about jealousy more than the, if we

00:15:20.140 really want to talk about something.

00:15:21.640 I think it's more insecurity than jealousy because there's not an actual factor.

00:15:24.720 Some women have reasons, like certain, like the brother said, certain husbands behave 1.00

00:15:29.920 in a way, or they have maybe a past, or maybe already made mistakes that put the woman

00:15:35.200 in a very insecure way.

00:15:37.340 And I have known women that were very secure in their marriage, very happy.

00:15:40.820 But when that betrayal happened, everything collapsed, this self-confidence, it's inside

00:15:46.120 destruction.

00:15:47.120 And they hate to be like that.

00:15:49.200 They hate to be jealous.

00:15:50.560 They hate to be possessive and being doubtful.

00:15:52.820 They don't want to be like that.

00:15:54.260 But it's the pain.

00:15:55.560 You know, it's the pain.

00:15:56.300 It's the trauma that's causing doubts.

00:15:57.860 I think betrayal is understandable.

00:16:00.060 Like, even in their sense, even if it's a second wife, because to them it's betrayal,

00:16:02.780 isn't it?

00:16:03.160 We understand where the sisters are coming from.

00:16:05.280 That is understandable, checking the phone, because now you've caused this whole chaos.

00:16:08.640 You get them straight up.

00:16:09.780 If you're straight up, she'll be like, you know what?

00:16:11.280 I know if he's going to do it, he's going to come and tell me.

00:16:12.680 That's why I tell two little brothers, maybe it's not practical.

00:16:15.240 Some scholars say you should hide it.

00:16:16.700 But being open.

00:16:17.860 If I'm going to get married again, I'm going to come and tell you.

00:16:19.760 Well, like, I'm going to come and tell you.

00:16:21.080 You know what?

00:16:21.300 I'm going to come and introduce you to the second wife. 1.00

00:16:22.800 Yeah?

00:16:23.120 So the thing is, if you're honest, the woman will say, you know what?

00:16:25.460 This guy is an honest guy.

00:16:27.280 At least, I don't need to go for his phone.

00:16:28.480 He's telling me straight up.

00:16:29.480 But when you do it behind the back, and then that's what it causes where I can't trust

00:16:32.900 him anymore.

00:16:33.620 Do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:16:34.420 And even if you'd be honest, you're still going to go mad, don't you?

00:16:35.960 Ask a question as being like talking to influencers, Muslim influencers.

00:16:41.180 How do you deal with that?

00:16:42.620 I always wanted to ask the question.

00:16:44.620 With the woman's communication, being married yourself. 0.99

00:16:48.500 Sliding into DMs.

00:16:50.260 Sliding into DMs.

00:16:51.480 And sometimes.

00:16:52.060 Are they sliding into our DMs?

00:16:53.500 Or are we?

00:16:55.000 Vissa basa.

00:16:55.520 I'm just confused.

00:16:56.880 Them sliding into your DMs.

00:16:58.280 No, it's just like, I always wondered, how does it work?

00:17:01.540 Because obviously, you're talking to the male, obviously, of the community.

00:17:04.780 But as well of the sister's topics.

00:17:06.900 How does it work?

00:17:07.820 Brother.

00:17:09.280 Are you going to ask me?

00:17:09.860 Amina, we love you.

00:17:11.300 We love you, Amina.

00:17:12.600 And we're going to make sure that no one slides in his DMs.

00:17:15.040 No, I'll stop for a lot, bro.

00:17:16.460 Stop for a lot.

00:17:17.200 Any girl, chat to me, yeah?

00:17:18.320 Leave them alone.

00:17:20.400 I'm joking.

00:17:20.820 So, how do you deal with that?

00:17:22.500 I'm joking, I'm joking.

00:17:23.540 I don't condone any violence.

00:17:25.520 I'm joking.

00:17:26.080 That was a joke.

00:17:26.880 No, no, no.

00:17:27.800 So, when I first started social media, if a girl would comment, oh my god, you're so

00:17:30.740 funny.

00:17:31.760 I'll say, okay, thank you.

00:17:32.800 Or I'll like double type the comment.

00:17:34.860 My wife said, listen, I don't like you replying to the girls. 0.73

00:17:37.360 And now she replies to the girls.

00:17:40.180 And I reply to the guys.

00:17:41.120 Did she reply under your name?

00:17:42.920 Yeah, so it's like, oh, I can't have one account, but it's like my name and my face

00:17:46.500 on it.

00:17:46.880 Okay, because that system might be like, right, I didn't use that to my comment.

00:17:49.620 Yeah, but it doesn't matter what they think, as long as me and my wife know who's replying,

00:17:54.060 that's the main thing, do you know what I mean?

00:17:54.940 But it's nice to say it.

00:17:56.500 I think I will really appreciate that you say it on your account publicly, that if any comments,

00:18:02.840 female comments, is answered, it's by my wife. 1.00

00:18:05.540 And I really like that policy.

00:18:06.740 I think the thing is, to be honest, being in the DAO is different because you've got

00:18:10.620 people messaging you, I'm suicidal, I'm in a haram relationship.

00:18:13.680 So it's like, we get sisters coming to speak.

00:18:16.840 We're not talking about those sisters.

00:18:18.020 No, I'm talking about comments, the like, the harsh.

00:18:19.860 No, no, comments and all that kind of stuff.

00:18:21.380 Like, yeah, like, to be honest.

00:18:22.520 Or the slide in the DMs, like, I want to be your third wife, I want to be your fourth 0.99

00:18:25.240 wife, I want to be your 16th wife. 0.95

00:18:26.900 Did you get that?

00:18:27.260 Did you get that?

00:18:28.100 Very, very rarely.

00:18:29.340 I never got that.

00:18:30.520 Yeah, very rarely.

00:18:31.500 No, I'm not joking.

00:18:32.040 I never got that.

00:18:32.640 He's upset.

00:18:33.420 He's upset.

00:18:33.900 You were talking about your true nature, you're going against it.

00:18:36.200 Of course, they're not going to comment.

00:18:36.840 Yeah, but why does nobody think that?

00:18:39.000 Everyone's scared of Amina.

00:18:40.280 Everyone's scared of Amina.

00:18:42.660 Everyone's terrified.

00:18:43.300 So, the thing is here is that, for example, with me, it's like, obviously, like, we have

00:18:47.800 checks in place, like me, let's say, Zeeshan, Mohammed Hijab, you know, we have checks in

00:18:52.020 place.

00:18:52.220 And I think, as a person in the Dawah, I think it's healthy and not healthy in the same sense 1.00

00:18:57.040 where you allow your wife to have that access because it's, for your own good, it's good

00:19:01.800 as well, number one.

00:19:03.360 And number two, sometimes, though, it can be unhealthy because if your wife is seeing that

00:19:07.500 system message, why are they messaging you?

00:19:08.980 Because it's your chance.

00:19:09.760 Yeah.

00:19:10.040 Why are they messaging?

00:19:10.520 Why do they have to come to you for?

00:19:11.600 Do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:19:12.200 So, these comments are there.

00:19:13.360 It's understandable.

00:19:14.040 So, it's a thin line.

00:19:15.500 So, but you should always, I would definitely say, be it somebody that you trust, let them

00:19:19.200 have access to your account.

00:19:20.500 Because at least if you keep yourself in check, you have to.

00:19:23.060 We're not angels.

00:19:25.240 Wallah, it's by the mercy of Allah that we are protected from this.

00:19:28.360 I would never come and give credit to myself of, I do this.

00:19:31.080 Yes, there's protocols that are taking place, but wallah, it's by Allah.

00:19:33.860 Like Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the Quran, Surah Yusuf, that if it wasn't for

00:19:37.100 Yusuf, the signs that he saw, he may have inclined to it.

00:19:40.340 May have.

00:19:40.860 So, the thing is, it goes back to Allah.

00:19:42.760 So, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, like if you have that good connection with your Lord,

00:19:45.980 Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will protect you, but we have to be very careful.

00:19:49.180 Sometimes, yeah, like people message.

00:19:51.220 And with us, public figures, bro, people message and they have evil intentions.

00:19:55.380 Yeah?

00:19:55.540 Like back in the days, bro, wallahi, they message you just to track you. 0.96

00:19:59.120 Just to see, ah, watch, let me see fucking, you know, lure him in, yeah? 1.00

00:20:02.140 Wallahi. 0.99

00:20:02.460 Actually, it's a funny story.

00:20:05.000 I won't tell you the brother done it, yeah?

00:20:06.260 There's one brother, he messaged me.

00:20:09.860 I know, I don't know why he did this.

00:20:11.080 He messaged me pretending to be a sister, yeah?

00:20:14.560 Okay?

00:20:15.180 I don't know why he did it.

00:20:16.220 It's a brother that I know, yeah?

00:20:17.700 It's probably laughing.

00:20:18.280 I thought my sisters were doing that. 1.00

00:20:19.120 He messaged me and he's like, he's talking, talking, like, and he's just, he's saying

00:20:23.120 some stuff.

00:20:23.780 And then I just cut the conversation, yeah?

00:20:25.820 I just, you know?

00:20:27.180 And then he messaged me, he was like, yeah, it was me.

00:20:29.040 I said, why do you, why do you need to do that, yeah?

00:20:31.460 And he was like, no, he was just like, and it's actually might be haram for him to do

00:20:34.340 that because, but it's like, he was like, no, it's good that you replied and you put

00:20:37.860 me in my place.

00:20:38.320 But I said, still, you know, at the end of the day, it's, it's, imagine I didn't,

00:20:41.820 yeah?

00:20:42.140 You're exposing my same arguments, do you know what I'm trying to say?

00:20:44.440 So the thing is, we have to be very, very careful as public figures because at the

00:20:47.280 end of the day, you know, we know women are hypergamous by nature, yeah? 1.00

00:20:50.180 They look up for men like you are, leaders, social influence, etc.

00:20:54.620 We have, it's a big fitna.

00:20:55.760 It's a big fitna. 0.85

00:20:56.900 So with us men, we need to be more careful because it's, it's, it's an open challenge.

00:21:02.240 But at the end of the day, I think going through each other's phone is unhealthy, yeah?

00:21:07.460 There might be those odd times.

00:21:08.660 But when you say that, you need context.

00:21:10.000 But bro, look.

00:21:10.700 Every day?

00:21:11.440 No, no, not every day, not every day.

00:21:12.600 It shouldn't happen.

00:21:13.660 No, no, no, it should be like this, yeah?

00:21:14.960 It should be like this.

00:21:15.940 It shouldn't have to.

00:21:16.380 No, it should be like this, yeah?

00:21:17.720 No one's going through no one's phone, yeah?

00:21:19.700 One day, argument's safe, you know what my wife says? 0.99

00:21:21.540 Argument's safe, yeah?

00:21:22.700 You know what?

00:21:23.320 Oh, for some reason, I've got this wasp, whatever it is, can I go through your phone?

00:21:26.160 No problem.

00:21:27.040 You want to go through my phone?

00:21:28.000 There you go.

00:21:29.300 At least, but now, if I do that, and then now it turns into a regular stuff, now it's

00:21:33.680 like, okay, look.

00:21:34.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:21:34.960 If I had anything to hide in that moment, yeah?

00:21:37.620 And my phone, if you see me always like, no, I don't go need my phone.

00:21:40.200 It's like, okay, why?

00:21:40.900 I'm triggering.

00:21:41.500 I'm causing.

00:21:42.200 But if I leave my phone around everywhere, yeah, which I do, like, so there shouldn't be a

00:21:46.220 reason.

00:21:46.460 Now, where is this coming from?

00:21:48.020 So, if it turns into a spiral of, I want to see it, no, can I check it out?

00:21:52.440 And then you come and catch her, she's looking for it, then it's turned into an endless, and

00:21:55.480 it's going to become toxic, bro, do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:21:57.360 And once again, it might be that she might have fallen into a sin, it might be that you

00:22:01.400 or me, we fell into a sin.

00:22:03.440 It's better that you don't know, I repent to my Lord, it doesn't affect our marriage.

00:22:07.000 What if you see it?

00:22:08.020 You don't need to see it.

00:22:09.020 What you don't know doesn't harm you.

00:22:10.680 So, I would personally say, stay away from it.

00:22:12.740 Like, it's better to preserve your marriage, because it's one of the reasons a lot of

00:22:15.280 people get divorced, yeah? 0.69

00:22:16.640 I saw this, he's done this, et cetera, da, da, da.

00:22:18.820 No problem, look, we are, man.

00:22:20.040 Sometimes we have these issues where we're like, yeah, yeah, man, he's a second wife, 1.00

00:22:23.620 et cetera.

00:22:24.060 And sometimes it's just a phase.

00:22:25.260 They speak, and you're like, nah, nah, nah.

00:22:26.660 It was just, it's better you don't see it.

00:22:28.760 Yeah.

00:22:29.100 It's better you don't see it either.

00:22:29.720 And I would advise this to protect their mental health.

00:22:32.160 Yes.

00:22:32.340 Because, and it should, and again, we go back to Deen, the fact that you have a strong relationship

00:22:36.880 with Allah, I know it's very kitsch to say it, and every time we come back 0.99

00:22:40.560 with that sentence, but he will really, really heal the insecurities inside of you, and put

00:22:45.560 your trust in Allah.

00:22:46.520 And I like what the sister said, actually, saying that me being able to check on my husband's

00:22:52.820 phone is protecting him as well from the sin.

00:22:54.900 Because indirectly, you have the fear of Allah, but you have the fear of hurting the person

00:22:58.820 that you love, and that loves you.

00:23:00.380 So, at some times when you, a man is weak, a wife, a jealous wife, can save you from 0.88

00:23:08.040 sins.

00:23:08.240 A hundred percent.

00:23:08.980 I think if any brother feels, like maybe you agree with this, if any brother feels where

00:23:11.980 sometimes where, you know, whatever it may be, you know, you feel like you're going

00:23:16.160 to fall short, et cetera, you know what, tell your wife, you know what, I'll give you full

00:23:18.800 access to my, passwords, all of it, do that.

00:23:22.880 I think for the sake of Allah, it would definitely protect us.

00:23:25.220 At least you're like, you know, there's someone there looking, do you know what I'm trying

00:23:27.980 to say?

00:23:28.160 That falls under that Allah says that we are like a clothing for each other. 0.75

00:23:32.140 You know, we are protection for each other.

00:23:34.500 We keep each other accountable, not only in this, in everything.

00:23:37.580 You're not waking up for Fajr. 0.99

00:23:38.860 I'm going to be your alarm clock.

00:23:40.040 You're not doing this.

00:23:40.880 You're slacking on this.

00:23:41.920 That's what we're here for, to counterbalance each other in our weaknesses.

00:23:46.100 I think also like in marriage, when people get married, they don't get rid of male and 0.80

00:23:50.900 female friends.

00:23:52.200 So, I think the females don't get rid of their male friends, and the male doesn't get rid of 0.85

00:23:55.540 the female friends.

00:23:56.420 Yes.

00:23:56.600 And then, you might be okay with it at the start, which I don't understand how, but

00:24:01.920 you might be okay with it.

00:24:02.740 And then once you, you know, get married and spend time, and a friend pops up, it might

00:24:07.000 be just an innocent friend, and that causes problems, and then you go through the phone,

00:24:10.020 and you, you know what I mean?

00:24:10.860 Bro, that's very dangerous.

00:24:11.720 And to be honest, it's a topic within itself.

00:24:13.320 So, I'm going to wrap this up.

00:24:14.400 So, brothers and sisters, hope you benefited from this specific topic about going through

00:24:17.400 each other's phone.

00:24:17.920 Don't do it.

00:24:18.360 It's not worth it.

00:24:18.880 Your marriage is more important.

00:24:20.020 And that's one of the reasons we do the show.

00:24:21.700 Until next time, assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

00:24:24.500 The Prophet SAW said, whoever builds a masjid for the sake of Allah SWT, Allah will build 0.93

00:24:30.780 for him a similar house in Jannah.

00:24:33.700 On that day, where Allah SWT tells us that our books will be given, and every little

00:24:38.860 atom weight of good deed you've done will be there.

00:24:41.480 And imagine you see a mountain, and you're like, what a lucky person.

00:24:45.440 Which righteous person?

00:24:47.500 And Allah says, this is for you.

00:24:49.060 For me?

00:24:49.820 Yes.

00:24:50.440 What did I do?

00:24:51.180 You allowed people to pray.

00:24:53.580 You built a masjid.

00:24:54.620 I never had the money to build a masjid, oh Allah. 0.62

00:24:56.600 You helped.

00:24:57.740 You gave towards it, and Allah gives you the reward of as if you've built it.

00:25:01.660 Donate now, guys, and do not delay.

00:25:03.560 And share the video for extra rewards.

Ali Dawah - January 08, 2023

＂CAN I SPY ON MY WIFES PHONE？＂ - EP2 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

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