Ali Dawah

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00:00:25.780 Welcome to the Marriage Documentary episode 1 guys.

00:00:32.320 I want to thank our sponsors because without them this would have not happened.

00:00:35.780 Islamnet as you guys know brothers and sisters are building a masjid in Norway which is going

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00:00:56.700 videos from our sponsors and enjoy episode 1.

00:01:00.160 Listen, if you're a young Muslim brother, in college or Sikhs form, seeking financial

00:01:03.760 stability, applying to competitive apprenticeship schemes, Apprenuversity's got your back.

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00:01:13.240 Allah created Adam knowing very well that he'll be incomplete without a partner. He willed that 0.97

00:01:25.480 his very partner he seeks will come from no other than within himself. With it comes joy, happiness

00:01:32.760 and prosperity. But shaitan is always lurking to destroy. For everyone who's busy trying to find 1.00

00:01:40.600 a soulmate, sometimes you have to find yourself before you can find your other half. Allah says in

00:01:47.440 the Quran, when the test of sihr was sent by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala through the angels, they were told

00:01:53.260 not to use it and become disbelievers. Allah says in the Quran in Surah Bakara verse 102,

00:01:58.680 and yet they learn from them that by which they have caused separation between man and his wife.

00:02:06.000 But they do not harm anyone through it except by the permission of Allah. What I'm about to share

00:02:10.920 with you will change your whole outlook on seeking marriage and marriage in itself for the rest of

00:02:17.360 your life. For the first time ever, I will be talking about my personal life. From my five-year

00:02:24.640 haram relationship, to coming to Islam, to seeking marriage, and to all the nightmares I lived through

00:02:30.960 and the very moment I met my wife. You're about to see a side of me that you never witnessed before.

00:02:38.500 The wait is finally over. Allah.

00:02:43.260 Are you crazy? What's wrong with you? 1.00

00:02:48.580 You don't speak to me like I'm your wife! 1.00

00:02:50.720 You die in your life! 1.00

00:02:52.320 You die in your life! 1.00

00:02:54.120 Don't you dare not to wait for me! 0.99

00:02:58.120 I love you, I love you the most. I just want, I just want you to know. You gave me the love I always need.

00:03:10.440 My heart will always be your home. I'll be there forever and ever. Wrapped up in endless love.

00:03:20.500 X-Max the spot, you're my treasure. Can't thank the Lord enough.

00:03:27.060 You are my angel, my superhero. Forever I'm grateful. Always a part of me.

00:03:40.440 You are my heartbeat, beating away every day. You could always be my queen.

00:03:50.500 No one can take, take your place. You told me love took away pain. You are the sun behind the rain.

00:04:00.440 You are my heartbeat, beating away every day. Every day.

00:04:08.440 The sound is rolling and when you guys are ready you can start.

00:04:18.500 Hi, welcome. How are you today?

00:04:22.500 I'm good, how are you?

00:04:23.500 I'm not too bad. So please tell me, what should I call you? What's your name?

00:04:28.560 You can refer to me as Ali. That's not my real name.

00:04:31.560 What is your real name?

00:04:32.560 Erdi.

00:04:33.560 Erdi.

00:04:34.560 Okay, I'll call you Ali if that's okay.

00:04:36.620 It's easier, yeah.

00:04:37.620 So tell me a little bit about yourself and what brings you here today to talk to me.

00:04:43.620 Okay, so let me tell you a bit about myself. So I come from a Kurdish-Turkish family.

00:04:49.620 I was born in Turkey. I came to England when I was one years old. My dad used to be in the army.

00:04:54.680 My mum was a traditional housewife. My mum has about seven sisters and one brother.

00:04:59.680 The plan was to move to England and they did that but I think for some reason I had to be left behind with my dad.

00:05:04.680 But basically my mum had to leave me behind which was very traumatic for her. So she came with my granddad here with the promise that my granddad would obviously immediately be bringing us.

00:05:15.740 That didn't go to plan and I think I was about a year and obviously my mum was distressed and told my granddad, you know, look, I want my child here.

00:05:25.740 You know, it's traumatic. My dad and I as a baby travelled to Germany and then from Germany to the UK.

00:05:32.740 So just for my sort of knowledge, I just want to know what brings you here today in the session.

00:05:41.800 Okay. These are things I'm actually very uncomfortable talking about but I want to talk about because I don't want to feel the way I feel.

00:05:47.800 But as a young child I was exposed to things. I saw things that I didn't want to see and I'm talking at a very young age.

00:05:53.800 This was basically my cousins coming together and him coming across something and showing us. I believe it deeply destroyed my soul.

00:06:03.860 Being exposed to that at a very young age, that had a traumatic experience on the way I viewed the opposite gender. 0.88

00:06:08.860 It dehumanised them. Simply to me I did not see them as a human being.

00:06:12.860 Now obviously at a young age you don't really understand what you're watching and what kind of impact it can have on you.

00:06:17.860 As you grow up and I can remember going to school. So when I was young I used to get into a lot of trouble.

00:06:22.860 I can remember there used to be popular kids in my school. My best friend, he was actually a very good looking guy.

00:06:26.860 He used to attract a lot of female attention. When I would look around and I would try to get the same, I wouldn't get the same.

00:06:33.860 So I also had a problem with the way I looked. Even like the shape of my nose I'd be like oh my gosh.

00:06:37.860 You know like it's just I had insecurities. I can remember as a young kid actually it's quite funny and it might be embarrassing.

00:06:45.860 But I can remember actually like this part of my nose I used to be like push it down like okay I want my nose to be straight.

00:06:50.860 So I can remember doing that to myself. I can remember very like clearly laying down in my bed and be like okay you know I need to look a certain way.

00:06:56.860 You know be it facial features or beard or moustache, whatever it may be. I wanted to be like the cool kids.

00:07:02.860 But what it did is it made me want to become something that I did not want to be.

00:07:08.860 And that is where I got involved in gangs because I wanted to make a reputation for myself.

00:07:11.860 I wanted to be someone which I believe maybe to this day I have the remnants of the trauma.

00:07:19.860 Turkish gangs control 90% of London's heroin market. This brings them into conflict with other foreign gangs which has led to violence in the capital.

00:07:30.860 There are also internal conflicts between Turkish gangs which stem from a 30 year civil war back in Turkey.

00:07:38.860 The country has been split by conflict between its Turkish and Kurdish populations.

00:07:43.860 And this violence has also spilled out onto the streets of London.

00:07:47.860 I started getting into fights, getting kicked out of school and I just wanted to be popular with the girls.

00:07:52.860 And from there I started to grow a bit of a hatred towards women because when I realised that they don't give me the attention that I want I started hating them. 1.00

00:08:02.860 In your mind how would you identify the trauma that you experienced?

00:08:06.860 It's hard for us to approach a female. To get the courage to do that and be rejected can be quite, I mean not many people understand that because as a young woman at that age you have attention given to left right centre.

00:08:21.860 Men use the image of female perfection to motivate themselves. 0.52

00:08:25.860 I think modern women don't really understand about men. 1.00

00:08:28.860 They don't understand that at least to the degree that males are uncorrupted and not better because of being rejected.

00:08:36.860 They're doing everything they can to kneel before the eternal image of the feminine.

00:08:41.860 There was this specific girl that I found a liking to.

00:08:44.860 I would open up to her to not to receive the same liking. It was quite devastating.

00:08:49.860 Stay tuned.

00:09:19.860 Thank you.

00:09:49.860 Thank you.

00:10:19.840 Thank you.

00:10:49.840 Thank you.

00:11:19.840 Thank you.

00:11:22.500 So these thoughts that you had, do you feel that that was just your own or did you share

00:11:27.880 it with your peers? Did you feel that you were influenced? Because what you're saying might

00:11:32.640 sound general, but it is quite an individual thought because somebody else in a similar

00:11:36.700 position might think completely different.

00:11:39.000 Well, another issue as men we face is opening up. I can't go to my friend and be like,

00:11:44.920 oh, by the way, I feel rejected and weak. So that's another issue.

00:11:49.420 What about family, friends, parents?

00:11:52.040 No.

00:11:52.500 There was no one?

00:11:53.180 No. Not there was no one. There was someone, but I would not open up to anyone.

00:11:56.500 Okay.

00:11:56.940 I would just...

00:11:57.960 You made up your own mind.

00:11:59.540 I did. I made my own mind. And I looked for ways of achieving that. I was driven by anger.

00:12:05.900 I was driven by rage and revenge. Like, to me, it was like, I'm going to seek revenge.

00:12:10.780 So how did things unfold from that point onwards?

00:12:13.600 You need to understand, like I said to you before, the content that I was exposed to.

00:12:16.740 Wanting to be like someone I'm not. I can remember when I used to get kicked out of school.

00:12:21.260 My dad used to have a business outside of London. He realised that I'm not listening to my mum.

00:12:25.660 I'm getting into a lot of trouble, gangs, fighting, all this kind of stuff. And once I was walking

00:12:29.180 down the road, I got caught with a knuckle duster. So that was my dad was like, look, I'm taking you. 0.87

00:12:33.420 You're coming with me. So I went up north. That's where things had a U-turn for me.

00:12:36.880 I went from a lifestyle of gangs, fighting, you know, being a hard kid to more like clubbing,

00:12:45.880 partying. And it just went from one lifestyle to another. And what I realised there is I can

00:12:52.120 remember I was at my house once and I was trying to grow a beard. So I would keep using a razor.

00:12:57.520 So I wanted the manly features. But I didn't have the moustache. So I can remember I got a pen

00:13:04.040 once, literally a marker. And I drew a moustache on myself. And I got my one of my friends to take

00:13:09.340 a picture of me. When you're influenced by that, your family and your cousins and others

00:13:12.860 are also influenced by that. So you also want to be the cool kid around them. So we would

00:13:19.060 sometimes associate ourselves to certain gangs that were very well known, just so they were

00:13:22.540 like, oh, you know, it's just the hype. So I can remember sending a picture to them from

00:13:26.560 my mum. And it didn't look like it was drawn on. It was quite real. And I can remember

00:13:32.620 my cousin, he's like, oh, my gosh, you look so handsome. Like, you've changed. And that

00:13:37.040 to me was like as if someone just gave me the key to the whole world. I felt like, OK,

00:13:42.500 in order, like when somebody wants to take revenge, arguments, if somebody wants to kill

00:13:45.680 somebody, OK, what tools do I need to do the job? So to me, it's like, OK, I got the tool

00:13:51.620 I need now. Do you think it was also frustration or at the same time, you wanted to be loved

00:13:56.420 and get that attention as well? Yes, I did. Yes, I did want that attention. I wanted to

00:14:00.040 be loved. So I wanted that and I was seeking that. When you come from London to a predominantly 1.00

00:14:04.880 white area, you stick out like a sore thumb. That worked for my advantage. There was a lot 0.94

00:14:12.320 of ethnic groups there as well. But I can remember going there, the way I dress, you know, a typical

00:14:18.900 London, bad boy kind of look. When I was there, I would start going to the gym. So I realised

00:14:23.700 the female attention towards myself grew exponentially. To me, I was just like, OK, like, this is where

00:14:29.980 I want to be. And I loved every second of it. I'll be honest with you, I loved every second

00:14:34.540 of it. Like, to me, it was just like, I'm in control. Like, you're not in control. Like,

00:14:39.320 I'm in control now. And you actually did have relationships or not?

00:14:43.780 So brothers and sisters, this is a little pause in the documentary. It is going to continue,

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00:15:02.500 or even now, just pause it and donate, inshaAllah. Enjoy the documentary and do not forget to

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00:15:11.580 You actually did have relationships or not?

00:15:15.600 I did. She was half Pakistani, half white. I came across her. And she was actually in

00:15:20.000 a relationship already. But I noticed her liking. She showed signs. Certain signs females 1.00

00:15:25.600 show when they like someone.

00:15:26.600 Yeah, you can sense.

00:15:27.200 I didn't know she was in a relationship. I actually didn't know. And I found out later

00:15:29.920 and I was a bit confused. The signs that I was reading was like, am I misreading it?

00:15:33.460 I found out that she was in a relationship that she's not happy. I tried to pursue a relationship

00:15:36.480 with her, which I did. And obviously, she was moving away from the person that she was

00:15:42.800 with. I met her mum. I used to celebrate Christmas with them. I used to celebrate Easter with

00:15:45.960 them. I was very close with them. Until this day, I have communication with them. I was in

00:15:50.560 a relationship with her for about five years. She was older than me. I mean, she did everything 0.99

00:15:53.780 for me. Everything. Like, pick me up, drop me to the gym, like, even if I just got clubbing,

00:15:58.660 whatever it is.

00:15:59.540 She was a best friend as well.

00:16:00.880 Yeah, you can see.

00:16:01.640 There wasn't any hate though, was it? There wasn't any revenge as you spoke about before?

00:16:04.860 See, the thing is, not with her. It's like she was an exception. This is my girl. And

00:16:10.300 this is my exception. There was great care.

00:16:12.640 Were you faithful to her?

00:16:13.960 No.

00:16:14.860 Okay.

00:16:15.540 That's another trauma that I kind of have. I hurt a lot of people. I didn't willingly do

00:16:20.760 it. It's just like, to me, it's like I lived with that trauma. And when I look back, the

00:16:24.740 way I treated her, I wasn't a bad person. I was never physical with her. But to me, it's

00:16:28.160 a trauma in the context where I would psychologically do things. We could have even been classed as

00:16:34.440 psychological abuse. I don't know why I did it. So to me, it's like I want to, I want

00:16:39.340 redemption. I want forgiveness from the whole family because I made the whole family suffer.

00:16:45.260 Yes, I have the accountability, but I don't just blame myself because, yes, I could have

00:16:51.020 made wiser decisions, which I think was very, very difficult. But the thing is, I look at

00:16:56.340 my society and the things I was exposed to, and sometimes I blame that because I'm like,

00:17:00.980 I was driven by that.

00:17:02.040 There are stories in psychology as well about twin brothers being brought out by alcohol

00:17:06.780 parents. And one will go on to be an alcoholic and the other one will choose not to. So again,

00:17:11.760 is it really society? Is it really parents to blame? Or are we also, do we still have

00:17:17.300 a type of control or will that we can drive ourselves regardless of society and environment?

00:17:25.040 And that sort of thought gives you more power as an individual, knowing that there is that

00:17:30.120 actual option out there. Otherwise, there's always going to be blame on something else and

00:17:34.380 someone else. And you will always be, in a way, I wouldn't say weak, but influenced easily.

00:17:39.960 Okay. So let's say I bear full responsibility. Okay. To an extent, I'll say. What do you or

00:17:50.960 what would you suggest I do to get that redemption? I've contemplated finding her.

00:18:01.300 When you talk about redemption, what exactly, because everyone needs to define what certain

00:18:06.340 words mean? In your mind, what does it mean, redemption? Like having an inner peace, knowing.

00:18:14.500 So it's to make you feel better about what happened in the past. Not just myself. Don't

00:18:17.880 be selfish. Can you not just accept sometimes that we do wrong and this is how life is and we

00:18:23.680 have to live with it. And it's like people want closure. What does that mean? Closure is just,

00:18:28.160 it's gone. You don't need to go back to do certain things. And we can work in different ways

00:18:32.840 to better ourselves and move forward. You understand? I want to make it better. I think

00:18:37.980 that... But what if I told you, or anyone told you, you can't make it better. It's not about

00:18:41.600 trying to make it better. It's about, again, acceptance and being better. Which I believe

00:18:48.680 I've achieved. Yes, of course. I have achieved. But sometimes going back in the past, it might

00:18:54.600 be okay for you, but for somebody else, it can even unravel the wounds that they want to

00:18:59.300 forget and the hurt that they want to forget. If you want to go back again, you need to

00:19:02.960 now not just be like how you were before and not just think about the impact that you're

00:19:06.860 going to get, but the impact on the other person. True. But that's how I feel. So what

00:19:12.620 should I do? Not many people understand redemption, but to me, to go there and find her and open

00:19:19.000 up to her and tell her how sorry I am was the most important thing. But when I went there,

00:19:25.660 I didn't find her. I met her mum. And this is how we went.

00:19:29.980 Uncle, you've still got the... He's got the... Is that off lessons?

00:19:33.640 Yeah. Same place, yeah? Yes, he's got that. Okay.

00:19:36.300 He's only been on the phone a few minutes ago, actually. Really?

00:19:38.620 I told him he'd come in. He said, make sure you get a picture and send it to me.

00:19:41.920 Yeah, he's got good manners, I feel. We have got good manners.

00:19:46.440 Yeah, definitely, you know. Like I said to him, I would say this, but I can't, I'll never

00:19:51.940 forget what he's done for me. I can remember. Yeah, never, ever.

00:19:54.860 Well, he was always comfortable with me, and he would stay at my house, and even if I was

00:19:59.920 out, he would stay on the computer and I'm out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can remember.

00:20:03.800 You know, and just spend some good times. Yeah, I can remember. Yeah, you like that,

00:20:07.920 I like that. You gave me that feeling, you know, I can remember.

00:20:11.260 I used to worry about you. You got underneath the subway, and he used to say to me sometimes,

00:20:19.400 you're going to be my mother-in-law now. And sometimes I think back to those days.

00:20:23.360 I do think back to those days. Yeah, yeah. Because, um, no, I should have ****.

00:20:28.360 Shall I make some tea now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you comfortable?

00:20:31.360 Do you want some, do you want coffee, Ortiz? If you want, I could, like all day, should

00:20:35.360 I make you tea, coffee? I used to, I'd be like, I'll make the tea.

00:20:38.360 Make it something, whatever, like, let's make it together. Yeah.

00:20:41.360 But that wasn't really enough, so I left that place. It didn't really do anything for me.

00:20:46.360 Um, but then I went back a year after. And this time, when I went, I took my mum.

00:20:56.360 Because mum knew the family. So I thought it would just be like a general visit.

00:21:01.360 I'll just call my mum. And, because my mum, the parents knew each other.

00:21:06.360 So they were pleasant. They, they, you know, it was, it was just like, okay, you know.

00:21:11.360 We went. Um, the dad was there. Um, mum was there. My mum was there.

00:21:18.360 We went. And she, she was kind of there as well. She was there. I, I opened up and I apologised.

00:21:31.360 What did she say?

00:21:35.360 Personally wanted to come here to, um, apologise, if in any way, shape or form, in the past,

00:21:41.360 if I've hurt you guys. Because I do look back and I do really regret a lot of things.

00:21:47.360 I did intentionally, unintentionally.

00:21:49.360 When you're young, you don't, you don't think.

00:21:52.360 Yeah. Well, I'm being honest. I look, I look back and I do not know who that was, what that was.

00:21:56.360 And, and I just wanted to apologise. Because at the end of the day, I believe in the hereafter.

00:22:00.360 Yeah.

00:22:01.360 And I believe after, you know, we cross the Serat, there's going to be a part between paradise.

00:22:06.360 Yeah.

00:22:07.360 And everyone you've wronged will be there asking for their right.

00:22:10.360 So, you know, be it yourself. You've done a lot for me as, as, you know,

00:22:14.360 and I don't think I've repaid you in any way, shape or form at all.

00:22:17.360 Neither of yourself, you know, you've played that role in my life.

00:22:20.360 And I personally wanted to come down and, you know, just to see you guys as well,

00:22:23.360 because I've always missed you guys as well.

00:22:25.360 Yeah, yeah.

00:22:26.360 But please forgive me if I've in any way, shape or form hurt you guys.

00:22:28.360 No, no, no.

00:22:29.360 Um, any kind of, please, please forgive me.

00:22:32.360 Well, I, I deeply regret it. And I genuinely, I was in the wrong place.

00:22:37.360 We respect you a little, like my boy.

00:22:39.360 Yeah, I know that, I know that.

00:22:40.360 You did a lot of things for us.

00:22:41.360 You did a lot of things for us.

00:22:42.360 Yeah, you did a lot of things for us.

00:22:43.360 Yeah, I did.

00:22:44.360 Yeah, yeah.

00:22:45.360 I could have done more, maybe.

00:22:46.360 Yeah.

00:22:47.360 Yeah, wash the dishes better.

00:22:50.360 We went, we had food, and then after food, I just told them the reason I came there.

00:22:55.360 And I said, look, I've done things hurt you guys, and I want to apologise.

00:22:58.360 I'm like, I'm really sorry. Like, I was, I was young, I was stupid. 0.76

00:23:01.360 The dad was there, which was very, very awkward for me, because I couldn't be myself in the, 0.98

00:23:07.360 like, I, I really wanted to express myself, but I couldn't. So the dad listened, and he's

00:23:12.360 like, look, it's okay, son, you know, you're young. But I didn't feel like, it might sound

00:23:18.360 selfish, but I didn't feel like I got a white one. Because when the dad was there, it was 0.97

00:23:22.360 very, very hard for me to express myself comfortably. The perfect scenario for me would have been

00:23:27.360 with her, like, face to face, or at least her mum, because I'm close to her mum, to just

00:23:31.360 open up and be like, look, I'm really sorry, like, for the stuff that I've done, and the

00:23:35.360 pain that I've caused. And just lay it off my chest. Like, like, literally, I just wanted

00:23:42.360 to express myself fully, and be like, if this is...

00:23:45.360 So what exactly did you say that that was different to what you just described now?

00:23:48.360 Because before her dad was there, I couldn't express nothing. She was a

00:23:52.340 just there quiet. Nothing said. Literally nothing.

00:23:56.340 But you said you apologised.

00:23:57.340 No, I did, but I apologised. I'm speaking to the dad. Like, I didn't hear nothing. I

00:24:02.340 didn't, like, it was just like...

00:24:04.340 But you know in certain scenarios that's enough.

00:24:07.340 No, not for me. I couldn't get off my chest. I still, I felt like I came back with more

00:24:11.340 burdens. I genuinely believe that if I go there, and I open up to her sincerely, and I

00:24:18.340 express how sorry I am, that it would genuinely bring closure to her. That's how I feel. That's

00:24:23.340 how I think.

00:24:24.340 But do you not think revisiting constantly for your own satisfaction is more painful for

00:24:29.340 her to revisit what was there as a constant reminder as well? What if she thinks that

00:24:35.340 forgiveness, or asking for forgiveness, is not enough? I want to find out. How are you

00:24:42.340 going to do that? By finding her. But you found her twice already. No, I didn't. I went there

00:24:48.340 and she happened to be there. I want to speak to her. I want to directly find her on social

00:24:54.340 media, and I want to message her at least. What is the whole purpose of this, by the way,

00:24:59.340 Ali? I don't want people to make the same mistakes I did. I want to show them a glimpse of

00:25:04.340 the lifestyle that I lived, be it the haram, all the way to Islam, and pursuing it in a 0.90

00:25:10.340 halal way. To not go about things the wrong way. Because they don't leave you. 1.00

00:25:14.340 What does your faith tell you about forgiveness, and how it should be done, and the aspects of

00:25:19.340 it, and even going back into your past, and approaching someone like this? What is it that

00:25:23.340 you understand from that? I don't know. From what I understand is, if you've wronged

00:25:27.340 someone, you ask for forgiveness. To be honest, it's actually from principles of Islam

00:25:32.340 to understand that, if you know you're going to cause more harm, it's better that you don't.

00:25:36.340 Because, like, backbiting, if I backbite someone, and I want to go and tell them

00:25:40.340 I backbited you, that might cause more harm than good. So it's better that you go and,

00:25:47.340 I don't know, speak good of him when he spoke bad of him. Give him sadaqah in his name. 0.99

00:25:51.340 So in your scenario, what would be the best way forward according to your values and faith?

00:25:56.340 I can't do that because she's a non-Muslim. So I can't even go down the route of, 1.00

00:26:00.340 okay, let me give sadaqah on our behalf, or let me make dua for her. I can't do that. 0.93

00:26:04.340 Because I can't do that, I'm looking for a channel of outlet.

00:26:07.340 Before I decide to do anything, and to pursue finding my ex, I had to speak to my mom.

00:26:13.340 So I headed to her house, and to have a heart-to-heart with her. If she would agree for me going ahead,

00:26:19.340 and finding her, and apologizing to her face-to-face, here is what she had to say.

00:26:25.340 Also to get with my bar. At the same time I was alone.

00:26:27.340 But anyway, after that I wanted to get to the group.

00:26:29.340 But once we went to a village, I couldn't believe we were there.

00:26:30.340 I did, but I went out.

00:26:32.340 Because I fue talked to her previous years.

00:26:34.340 And I got to the trust in terms.

00:26:35.340 But I got the head of my daughter, like I was married myself...

00:26:38.340 The necessary moment to apologize.

00:26:39.340 I took off my hands and i went back on that.

00:26:41.340 So then I was being done.

00:26:42.340 ¿Ne oldu?

00:26:43.340 What did you do?

00:26:44.340 How did you do that?

00:26:45.340 Is it okay?

00:26:46.340 Well, it was too good for you.

00:26:47.340 I was just a good tool for you.

00:26:48.340 You don't know what I'm doing from the abgeshte. 1.00

00:26:52.100 You can't do that.

00:26:53.640 You haven't like doing that in Vek Jesse's way.

00:26:56.700 I don't think of anything but a few years ago.

00:26:59.280 You've got a Barcelona flavors in your house

00:27:01.760 and

00:27:04.500 I buried it greatly.

00:27:06.560 I have tried it.

00:27:08.680 You can pass a little girl 0.99

00:27:13.140 as far as I can see

00:27:15.240 You have to go and forgive me.

00:27:18.040 I have to get you that way, because if someone else has done you,

00:27:21.740 I think I would think for you.

00:27:24.740 As my son, I'm going to forgive you and forgive me.

00:27:28.740 You can't grow up, you can grow up.

00:27:30.740 You can go together and go together?

00:27:32.740 You can see how you see it, we can go together and go together.

00:27:45.240 Experience fine cuisine like no other at Gifto's Lahore Karahi.

00:27:51.240 Delicious Karahi dishes bursting with flavour cooked in our open kitchen,

00:27:57.240 bringing the taste of Lahore to Gifto's.

00:28:15.240 And beauty leaves teaтора in for the next day.

00:28:23.240 Uh...

00:28:26.240 Having eyes closed down.

00:28:28.240 We will make нашегоعمel dishes discusses the best possible judgment that you might aren't able to ever hante by this earth.

00:28:33.240 There is a replacement, which I will roughly cover, which I will easily cover.

00:28:41.740 Thank you.

00:29:11.740 Thank you.

00:29:41.740 Thank you.

00:30:11.740 Thank you.

00:30:41.740 Thank you.

00:31:11.740 Thank you.

00:31:12.740 Thank you.

00:31:13.740 Thank you.

00:31:14.740 Thank you.

00:31:15.740 Thank you.

00:31:16.740 Thank you.

00:31:17.740 I'm waiting.

00:31:18.740 I'm just going to get ready now.

00:31:19.740 Alright.

00:31:20.740 See you soon bro.

00:31:21.740 Take care.

00:31:22.740 Thank you.

00:31:23.740 Thank you.

00:31:24.740 Thank you.

00:31:25.740 Thank you.

00:31:26.740 Thank you.

00:31:27.740 Thank you.

00:31:28.740 Thank you.

00:31:29.740 Thank you.

00:31:30.740 Thank you.

00:31:31.740 Thank you.

00:31:33.740 Thank you.

00:31:34.740 Thank you.

00:31:35.740 Okay.

00:31:36.740 Thank you.

00:31:37.740 Yeah.

00:31:38.740 Come bro.

00:31:39.740 Sorry bro.

00:31:40.740 I had to get coffee.

00:31:41.740 Nice.

00:31:42.740 I didn't sleep all night.

00:31:43.740 Ivan you okay?

00:31:44.740 Yeah man.

00:31:45.740 I'm good bro.

00:31:46.740 It looks like you're ready.

00:31:47.740 I'm proper ready.

00:31:48.740 Yeah.

00:31:49.740 Come bro.

00:31:50.740 Let me show you.

00:31:51.740 It was crazy man.

00:31:52.740 Really?

00:31:53.740 I had to go for it.

00:31:54.740 How did you manage to find her?

00:31:57.740 Bro.

00:31:58.740 When you don't sleep.

00:31:59.740 And you're dedicated.

00:32:00.740 And you really want redemption shall I say.

00:32:03.740 You find a way.

00:32:04.740 Where there's a will.

00:32:05.740 There's a way.

00:32:06.740 Yeah.

00:32:07.740 So basically now what I did is.

00:32:08.740 I managed to find her name.

00:32:10.740 But I realised she wrote it the other way around.

00:32:13.740 So.

00:32:14.740 Oh backwards.

00:32:15.740 Backwards.

00:32:16.740 Yeah.

00:32:17.740 For some reason.

00:32:18.740 Okay.

00:32:19.740 I don't know why.

00:32:20.740 Yeah.

00:32:21.740 Maybe she doesn't want to be found. 0.57

00:32:22.740 Maybe.

00:32:23.740 That's that's that's.

00:32:24.740 Actually very true.

00:32:25.740 Do you know what I mean?

00:32:26.740 Yeah.

00:32:27.740 But.

00:32:28.740 Let's see.

00:32:29.740 Let's still try luck.

00:32:30.740 Can't force anybody but.

00:32:31.740 Yeah.

00:32:32.740 Yes.

00:32:33.740 Let's see inshallah.

00:32:34.740 So.

00:32:35.740 Let me log into my Facebook.

00:32:36.740 What we're going to do is.

00:32:37.740 We're going to go search the name.

00:32:39.740 From what I remember.

00:32:49.740 So basically.

00:32:50.740 I found.

00:32:51.740 I found.

00:32:52.740 I found a friend of hers.

00:32:53.740 Yeah.

00:32:54.740 And there was a link to her.

00:32:56.740 That's the way.

00:32:57.740 I found her.

00:32:58.740 So I found.

00:32:59.740 A friend of hers.

00:33:00.740 Found the link.

00:33:01.740 And from the link.

00:33:03.740 I saw that.

00:33:04.740 Um.

00:33:05.740 Her picture was linked.

00:33:06.740 They put a link there.

00:33:07.740 But I didn't.

00:33:08.740 Okay.

00:33:09.740 And I was thinking.

00:33:10.740 Why is the name.

00:33:11.740 It was tagged.

00:33:12.740 Yeah.

00:33:13.740 It was tagged.

00:33:14.740 And I was like.

00:33:15.740 Yeah.

00:33:16.740 And then I realised.

00:33:17.740 Boom.

00:33:18.740 That's it.

00:33:19.740 Yep.

00:33:20.740 Oh.

00:33:21.740 My.

00:33:22.740 God.

00:33:23.740 So.

00:33:24.740 Are you going to message her?

00:33:25.740 Yeah.

00:33:26.740 Do you think I should click it?

00:33:27.740 Yeah.

00:33:28.740 Do you think I should click it?

00:33:29.740 Yeah.

00:33:30.740 Do you think I should click it?

00:33:31.740 Yeah.

00:33:32.740 Do you think I should click it?

00:33:34.740 Yeah.

00:33:35.740 Do you think I should click it?

00:33:36.740 Yeah.

00:34:02.740 Yeah.

00:34:04.740 Yeah.

00:34:06.740 Yeah.

00:34:08.740 Yeah.

00:34:09.740 Yeah.

00:34:10.740 Yeah.

00:34:11.740 Yeah.

00:34:14.220 Yeah.

00:34:17.380 Yeah.

00:34:19.380 Yeah.

00:34:20.200 Yeah.

00:34:23.160 Okay.

00:34:25.480 Yeah.

00:34:26.400 We'll be right back.

00:34:56.400 Okay, so firstly, we're going to go have a meeting with a young, I won't call them a couple, but two young individuals, Muslims, who want to marry each other.

00:35:14.440 And they're going for something similar that I went through, the documentary.

00:35:17.320 Later on the documentary, you'll realise the stuff that I went through when it comes to wanting to marry somebody, but the parents reject you based on your race.

00:35:25.300 So they're in the same dilemma as I was.

00:35:28.200 So we're going to go and do an interview with them.

00:35:30.200 But before that, what I'm going to do is I'm going to call her.

00:35:33.300 So we're going to go and see what the issue is and see why the father is saying no.

00:35:38.360 So let's see if she will answer.

00:35:41.080 Let's call her.

00:35:41.760 I'm okay, how are you?

00:35:59.560 Yeah, good enough. Sorry to disturb you.

00:36:01.080 Any updates?

00:36:02.700 So last, what's happened since our last...

00:36:05.940 So, you know what keeps happening?

00:36:08.460 When I don't talk about it with them, they keep thinking that I've forgotten about it.

00:36:13.940 So last night when I was talking to my mum, I was like, oh, everyone's doing nice to me.

00:36:18.360 Like, they're just being all of my auntie and stuff, they're being normal with me.

00:36:21.620 And my mum's like, yeah, because you're not doing it anymore.

00:36:24.980 So it's clear that they think it's a phase or it's like a jolt.

00:36:28.160 I don't know.

00:36:28.940 I don't know.

00:36:29.660 They're just not taking it seriously.

00:36:31.720 But, like, I'm still getting, like, kind of side eyes from people, especially my uncle.

00:36:36.800 And my uncle usually won't talk to me.

00:36:38.780 But I spoke with my mum last night, and I was like, so, what's your issue with the guy?

00:36:46.440 What's my dad's issue?

00:36:47.860 And she was like, we don't care about anything else.

00:36:52.680 It's just the fact that you, how dare you bring a Hindu guy to us? 1.00

00:36:56.600 And how dare you bring a guy out of **** to us? 0.92

00:36:59.700 And I was like, even if we wait two years like you wanted us to wait, you're not going to...

00:37:05.340 Dad's never going to accept the guy who doesn't know.

00:37:08.780 But then, obviously, like, you know, I've got her to change her mind.

00:37:12.880 So I'm not going to sit here and think, my dad's never going to change his mind.

00:37:15.840 But it's just, it's so unlikely that he would change his mind every time to me.

00:37:21.100 Or even ever with him.

00:37:23.520 We don't know that.

00:37:24.160 We don't care.

00:37:25.660 We don't know that.

00:37:26.480 We don't know that.

00:37:27.220 I think what they're doing is, the first stage is usually that they try to see it as a phase.

00:37:32.960 They try to brush it off.

00:37:34.500 It's just a matter of showing how committed you are and how badly you want this.

00:37:37.820 Is where they will make a decision between...

00:37:40.840 I mean, the worst case it will come to is, they will just say, you know what?

00:37:44.100 It's either us or him.

00:37:46.160 And from there, even then, even then...

00:37:47.880 I mean, they pretty much already said that.

00:37:50.200 No, I think this is too early to make that absolute, like, they mean it.

00:37:53.780 Right now, I don't think they mean it.

00:37:55.380 Thanks for the update, yeah?

00:37:56.280 Okay.

00:37:56.480 Okay.

00:37:56.920 You see what we're dealing with right now?

00:38:02.580 This is exactly the situation I went through.

00:38:05.160 Very frustrating.

00:38:06.880 That something that is permissible has become so hard.

00:38:11.240 And something that should be hard, which is, our own relationships and zina has been made so easy.

00:38:17.560 When parents are watching this, sometimes I understand your children are young.

00:38:21.540 You want the best for them.

00:38:22.360 But when it comes at the cost of your...

00:38:25.840 When you put cultural, like, oh, her issue is... 0.98

00:38:28.940 The parents' issue is that he is a revert, number one. 1.00

00:38:32.880 Number two, he is from the same country, by the way.

00:38:36.760 But he's not from that region.

00:38:39.100 Just imagine what we're dealing with.

00:38:40.180 Like, we're standing in front of Allah and saying, you facilitated haram. 0.96

00:38:45.440 And I'm not saying this, Sister Farid, I'm just saying, you facilitated the haram.

00:38:48.920 And you made the halal so hard for them that you are now questionable.

00:38:53.340 Why?

00:38:53.640 And what was your problem?

00:38:54.660 Because why?

00:38:55.820 Because he's a revert. 0.98

00:38:57.680 All of the sahaba were reverts.

00:38:59.780 All of the sahaba were reverts.

00:39:01.540 All of them were reverts.

00:39:03.040 And number two, when it comes to the country, this is so, like, me...

00:39:06.800 On it.

00:39:08.480 Look, I don't know what to say that one about.

00:39:09.600 Seriously, I lost the plot.

00:39:11.700 So, the point is, though, with me, sometimes it will be country differences.

00:39:14.820 Okay, you're from a totally different cultural background.

00:39:17.980 These two are from the same country, man. 0.99

00:39:20.640 They're from the same damn country. 0.98

00:39:22.460 Just because he's from a different region. 1.00

00:39:25.420 That's crazy, man.

00:39:26.540 That is crazy to me.

00:39:29.840 You're enjoying this, bro.

00:39:34.120 The food was amazing, man.

00:39:36.800 It was.

00:39:37.920 It was very nice.

00:39:38.360 What's the time?

00:39:43.420 6.23.

00:39:44.400 If we leave now, we'll get there for about 7.

00:39:48.020 Okay.

00:39:48.860 All right.

00:39:50.220 Let's pay the bill, bro.

00:39:51.240 And then let's go inside, yeah?

00:39:55.740 What happened?

00:39:58.540 What happened, bro?

00:39:59.200 Bro.

00:39:59.360 Am I seeing things?

00:40:07.340 Is that who I think it is?

00:40:10.280 No way, Kaz.

00:40:15.220 Are you for real?

00:40:16.320 Yes.

00:40:16.580 What did she write?

00:40:18.260 What did she write?

00:40:18.500 I don't know.

00:40:18.920 I don't know.

00:40:19.280 One second.

00:40:19.640 One second.

00:40:19.880 One second.

00:40:23.180 Open it up.

00:40:28.380 Kaz, what is going on, bro?

00:40:30.860 What happened?

00:40:31.640 Bro, she messaged.

00:40:33.240 She just deleted the message.

00:40:34.560 You're joking.

00:40:36.580 Look.

00:40:37.560 Oh, my God.

00:40:38.140 I had it on camera as well, bro.

00:40:41.120 Oh, my God.

00:40:43.300 She unsent the message?

00:40:44.520 Yeah.

00:40:44.820 Wait, let me get on the shot.

00:40:49.760 Bro, that's Pete.

00:40:50.800 Oh, my God.

00:40:52.360 Bro, that's Pete.

00:40:53.020 She's definitely going to write to you then, bro.

00:40:54.780 I'm sure.

00:40:56.360 Bro, I wonder what she said.

00:40:59.200 Is there no way we can see it?

00:41:00.620 No, no, no, no, no.

00:41:02.100 I wish I opened it faster.

00:41:03.880 Yeah.

00:41:05.060 Cut from here.

00:41:07.460 Okay.

00:41:08.080 Yeah, go ahead.

00:41:08.640 So, you want to cut from here.

00:41:09.860 Yeah.

00:41:10.160 And then, inshallah, we'll suit the bit after, inshallah.

00:41:15.320 Yeah, okay, bro.

00:41:15.680 You've got to get scientific.

00:41:16.620 I'm going to pray.

00:41:17.560 I'm just going to go through some bits.

00:41:19.900 All right, I need to make a phone call anyway.

00:41:21.680 Okay, no problem.

00:41:23.160 All right, I'm coming, yeah?

00:41:24.160 Okay.

00:41:24.780 Let me pray.

00:41:36.660 The footage you're watching right now was never ever meant to be in the marriage documentary.

00:41:41.040 Me and Mehmet was editing the documentary.

00:41:42.680 He went to get something to drink, and I had to pray salah. 0.85

00:41:45.960 I never thought once I finished salah, I was about to receive a message that was about to

00:41:51.180 send shivers down my spine.

00:41:52.500 It's what every Muslimah is talking about, a gift fit for a queen. 0.99

00:41:59.820 The actual maher presented to the Queen of Jannah, Fatima, by Ali ibn Abi Talib,

00:42:04.980 Rudul Anho.

00:42:05.540 Make your maher special by crowning this exceptional aura of tradition to it.

00:42:10.400 Sunnah currency is honored to bring this splendid maher collection to elevate the new beginnings

00:42:14.400 in your lives to one of immense merit, noor and distinction.

00:42:17.780 Oh my gosh.

00:42:20.440 Oh my gosh.

00:42:21.440 Oh my gosh.

00:42:22.440 Oh my gosh.

00:42:23.440 It's recording.

00:42:24.440 Guys.

00:42:25.440 Guys.

00:42:26.660 I just got a message from her.

00:42:31.120 It's been 13 years.

00:42:39.500 You guys will never imagine what she just messaged me.

00:42:43.820 Oh my gosh.

00:42:46.440 Oh my gosh.

00:42:50.860 Oh my gosh.

00:42:53.820 13 years and she just messaged me something.

00:42:58.240 This is why when people, people think when I'm doing this documentary that I'm doing it for

00:43:07.360 the entertainment or for the fun.

00:43:09.700 13 years, nearly 15 years ago, I message her that if she wants to be in the documentary

00:43:16.100 and after weeks, she finally messages back after she deleted the message, I cannot believe it.

00:43:27.260 I cannot believe that.

00:43:34.140 You know, they say women don't forget. 1.00

00:43:36.920 Wow.

00:43:38.400 I am sat there and I'm thinking, what?

00:43:42.280 Who is she on about? 0.54

00:43:44.020 Who is she talking about?

00:43:46.100 And it just, the penny just dropped and I was like, oh my gosh.

00:43:52.120 15 years.

00:43:55.020 And she just reminded me of something like that.

00:43:58.960 And you know what's funny?

00:44:01.920 She is messaging this and the emotions in that text message is as if I did this thing yesterday.

00:44:10.620 Okay.

00:44:14.980 Mehmet?

00:44:16.480 Sorry, boy.

00:44:17.560 That's all right.

00:44:18.340 Did you pray?

00:44:20.540 Did you pray?

00:44:21.960 That's what happened, boy.

00:44:26.440 trees, blah, blah.

00:44:27.820 Bro that is crazy. Bro that, did you think she messaged that?

00:44:36.820 Oh my god. Are you?

00:44:42.820 Bro, 15 years. 15 years bro. 15 years and look at the first thing she messaged me.

00:44:51.820 Subhanallah. Bro I can't believe she messaged that to you you know.

00:44:56.820 Do you know who she's talking about? No.

00:45:01.820 Basically, about when I was like 2-3 years into our relationship, I used to live up there.

00:45:12.820 Have you shown it to the camera? No, no, no. Should I show it?

00:45:18.820 Read it if you want to the camera. Get the camera, get one of the cameras. Shall I hold it?

00:45:25.820 Let me get this one.

00:45:26.820 Let me get this one.

00:45:31.820 How do you use it?

00:45:32.820 No, just like that, yeah.

00:45:35.820 You can come sit down.

00:45:36.820 Go read it. You read it.

00:45:38.820 What service?

00:45:45.820 Bro, I don't even think we...

00:45:47.820 Read it.

00:45:48.820 We'll have to beep out of some of the stuff.

00:45:50.820 Yeah, just beep out of some of the stuff.

00:45:51.820 But I read it. I want you to read it.

00:45:52.820 Because I want everyone that's watching who's in a relationship...

00:45:55.820 So you've written to her...

00:45:57.820 I wrote to her, yeah.

00:45:58.820 And this is her reply.

00:46:00.820 Yeah.

00:46:05.820 Is that, is that the dog?

00:46:09.820 Hi.

00:46:10.820 Who are you, Paul?

00:46:11.820 What's the reason for you to call it?

00:46:12.820 I'm very nice to sit.

00:46:13.820 The thought of not having you in my life was the most frightening thing ever.

00:46:17.820 I was at home waiting for you that day.

00:46:19.820 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:20.820 He was forgiven.

00:46:26.820 Brothers and sisters, I hope you guys are excited for episode 2 as much as I am and my team, SubhanAllah.

00:46:32.820 Once again, brothers and sisters, I want to thank every single sponsor and also specifically Islamnet.

00:46:37.820 May Allah bless them.

00:46:38.820 Right now, they are in the process of buying carpets for the masjid that they've bought.

00:46:42.820 They need about £50,000 to have the whole place, brothers and sisters, carpeted.

00:46:46.820 Brothers and sisters, you can be a part of this.

00:46:48.820 Just imagine every single soul, every single person praying, reading the Qur'an, memorizing.

00:46:55.820 And wallahi, even if they are sleeping, the reward that you will get by facilitating a carpet for a masjid, 0.97

00:47:01.820 which will be there inshaAllah for the next 100, 200 years, and wallahi, you don't even know.

00:47:06.820 Maybe the country of Norway one day will be under Islam. 1.00

00:47:11.820 And SubhanAllah, you played a massive role in that happening there, brothers and sisters.

00:47:15.820 Support this project immensely inshaAllah.

00:47:17.820 As much as brothers and sisters, these sponsors are supporting our project to bring this amazing project to you guys and you benefiting at home inshaAllah.

00:47:25.820 I'm going to put the links in the description box below, brothers and sisters.

00:47:28.820 Do not forget to check that inshaAllah.

00:47:30.820 And may Allah SubhanAllah bless and preserve you guys for supporting this cause.

00:47:34.820 Support IslamNet right now in the description box below to buy the carpets they need.

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FINDING MY EX GIRLFRIEND - S1-EP01 ｜｜ MARRIAGE DOCUMENTARY

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