Ali Dawah - HOW TO BE A GOOD MUSLIM HUSBAND？ - EP 15 ｜

00:00:00.000 It's like they say that they would love to be with someone like the Prophet

00:00:03.600 They would love to be with someone like Ali

00:00:06.000 But they lived in poverty

00:00:07.200 When a man is killing you to a woman, she hates it, she's disgusted by it

00:00:10.800 It's like drinking too much honey and all this kind of stuff, it makes you sick

00:00:14.400 The lack of romance from their husbands

00:00:17.200 They feel bored with their partner

00:00:19.000 It shouldn't feel like a janazah

00:00:21.000 When you get married that's it, it's doomsday

00:00:23.800 Most men just think that if they're providing financially

00:00:27.400 Then everything else is not really important

00:00:30.200 Giving you a flower does not do anything for their self-esteem

00:00:33.400 But seeing more money in their account, that does something for their self-esteem

00:00:37.400 If you're unjust and you let your mum humiliate your wife, she's going to lose respect for you

00:00:42.400 You know, my mum is looking at her husband in the grave

00:00:46.400 There's no five foot one, five foot six, nothing

00:00:49.400 You've got to see what your keys of your wife is, you've got to see if she's a creative person

00:00:53.400 What does she like to do?

00:00:54.400 Then try and find an Islamic avenue where she can actually do those things

00:00:57.400 So she doesn't feel like she's always suppressing something

00:01:00.400 The younger the guy is, the more immature he's going to be

00:01:03.400 And the older he is, is the more mature he's going to be

00:01:06.400 I know some women who literally have never received not one flower from their husbands

00:01:13.400 And he was giving me some information about how the younger guys are failing at their marriages

00:01:18.400 Because they're working too much

00:01:20.400 When we say that marriage is going to complete half your deen

00:01:22.400 It doesn't mean that you're half empty already

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00:01:52.400 Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi barakatuh

00:01:54.400 Brothers and sisters and dear friends

00:01:55.400 Welcome to another episode of The Bitter Truth

00:01:57.400 Before I start I want to praise Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

00:01:59.400 The most merciful, the most trust, or praise His glory and gratitude belong to Him

00:02:02.400 And today's topic is a very interesting topic

00:02:04.400 And I think it's a topic that should have been discussed a long long time ago

00:02:09.400 Alhamdulillah but we got around today

00:02:10.400 Basic rules of The Bitter Truth

00:02:12.400 You've got the bitter buzzers

00:02:13.400 If you disagree with anybody

00:02:15.400 Press it, you'll have one and a half minutes

00:02:17.400 Nobody can interrupt you

00:02:18.400 You can press it only once

00:02:19.400 And please let's refrain from backbiting

00:02:21.400 Slandering

00:02:22.400 And you know

00:02:23.400 Have basic usnub and adab inshallah

00:02:25.400 We have amazing panels here

00:02:26.400 Alhamdulillah

00:02:27.400 As we know

00:02:28.400 All the time

00:02:29.400 The champions in the building Gabriel

00:02:30.400 How you doing?

00:02:32.400 I was going to do it

00:02:33.400 No, you're also the champ

00:02:34.400 MashaAllah

00:02:35.400 No, no, no, no

00:02:36.400 I was going to do it the same

00:02:37.400 What's his name?

00:02:38.400 The brother

00:02:39.400 Abu Imran

00:02:40.400 Abu Imran

00:02:41.400 Yeah, of course

00:02:42.400 You can't mention his name

00:02:43.400 Yes, and we've got Mr Hijal

00:02:45.400 How you doing?

00:02:46.400 Long time

00:02:47.400 Actually, I haven't seen you for a while

00:02:49.400 That's right

00:02:50.400 As a brother I miss you

00:02:51.400 May Allah bless you

00:02:52.400 I love your, you know

00:02:53.400 Your presence here in the show

00:02:54.400 Alhamdulillah

00:02:55.400 You have so much to offer

00:02:56.400 And I learned as well

00:02:57.400 And we have our honourable sisters

00:02:58.400 May Allah bless them inshallah

00:02:59.400 Sister

00:03:00.400 Sister Nazlan

00:03:01.400 We've got Sister Dopamine

00:03:02.400 We've got Sister Amira

00:03:03.400 May Allah bless her

00:03:04.400 She's come here today with her husband

00:03:05.400 And we've got Sister Fahima

00:03:06.400 So, let's get straight into it inshallah

00:03:09.400 It's been a long day

00:03:10.400 The topic at hand today is

00:03:11.400 I think it's a very important one

00:03:12.400 Which is basically

00:03:13.400 How

00:03:14.400 A Muslim husband

00:03:17.400 How should

00:03:18.400 How do we define

00:03:19.400 A good Muslim husband?

00:03:21.400 Like in a nutshell

00:03:22.400 What makes a good Muslim husband?

00:03:26.400 Should I start from the sisters?

00:03:27.400 Because today we're grilling the brothers

00:03:29.400 So, I think we should start from the sisters

00:03:31.400 Because the sisters

00:03:32.400 If you can tell us

00:03:33.400 What do you define

00:03:35.400 As a good Muslim husband?

00:03:37.400 Then we'll come to what Islam says

00:03:38.400 But

00:03:39.400 What is your expectations?

00:03:41.400 What is it that you would say

00:03:42.400 Okay, this man

00:03:43.400 Is a good Muslim husband

00:03:44.400 This man is a good Muslim man

00:03:46.400 Let's start off with

00:03:48.400 Whichever one you guys are

00:03:50.400 Let's start

00:03:51.400 We can have the mic closed please

00:03:52.400 Oh, I nearly broke the tape there

00:03:55.400 You're perfect

00:03:56.400 In my personal experience, yeah

00:03:58.400 I think

00:03:59.400 What makes a good Muslim husband

00:04:01.400 Is that

00:04:02.400 When the wife needs his support

00:04:05.400 He's there

00:04:06.400 And when she's going through turmoil or trials

00:04:09.400 He supports her in that time

00:04:11.400 If he doesn't show support in that time

00:04:13.400 For me

00:04:14.400 It equates to

00:04:15.400 A bad man

00:04:16.400 Because

00:04:17.400 And again

00:04:18.400 Once you've had children with that man as well

00:04:20.400 Depending on how he is with the children

00:04:22.400 Also

00:04:23.400 For me

00:04:24.400 Is an example of

00:04:25.400 A good or a bad man

00:04:26.400 And that's just based off experience

00:04:27.400 But

00:04:28.400 Yeah, I'll start off with that

00:04:29.400 Okay

00:04:30.400 Just support

00:04:31.400 And

00:04:32.400 Providing

00:04:33.400 Basically

00:04:35.400 Personally

00:04:37.400 I would say

00:04:38.400 That it's someone

00:04:39.400 Who strives

00:04:40.400 To fulfil his role

00:04:42.400 As much as he can

00:04:44.400 Within the realms of Islam

00:04:45.400 And

00:04:46.400 What's defined in our guide

00:04:48.400 In Islam

00:04:49.400 But obviously

00:04:51.400 Everybody

00:04:52.400 Goes through a journey

00:04:53.400 And we're not perfect

00:04:55.400 We have days

00:04:56.400 Where we struggle

00:04:57.400 But

00:04:58.400 I think

00:04:59.400 The main thing is

00:05:00.400 That strife

00:05:01.400 To fulfil

00:05:02.400 What we've been ordained

00:05:04.400 To be

00:05:05.400 And behave as

00:05:07.400 Within a marriage

00:05:08.400 So

00:05:10.400 That's for me

00:05:11.400 Probably the main thing

00:05:12.400 Because

00:05:13.400 The trying factor

00:05:14.400 But also

00:05:16.400 But also

00:05:17.400 Obviously I agree

00:05:18.400 With the sister

00:05:19.400 Actually

00:05:20.400 Playing out

00:05:21.400 All the things

00:05:22.400 That he's supposed to be

00:05:23.400 Anyway

00:05:24.400 Such as being a provider

00:05:25.400 And I think that's

00:05:26.400 Quite a big topic

00:05:27.400 In modern times

00:05:28.400 Being

00:05:30.400 Being someone

00:05:31.400 That's sensitive

00:05:32.400 In the sense

00:05:33.400 Where he

00:05:34.400 Tries to understand

00:05:36.400 That the wife

00:05:37.400 Is different to him

00:05:38.400 And therefore

00:05:39.400 He has to be flexible

00:05:40.400 In the way

00:05:41.400 That he is

00:05:42.400 To adapt

00:05:43.400 To feminine needs

00:05:44.400 In the same way

00:05:45.400 That a wife would

00:05:46.400 Or masculine needs

00:05:47.400 So yeah

00:05:48.400 That's my opinion

00:05:49.400 Okay

00:05:50.400 For me

00:05:54.400 I think

00:05:55.400 A husband

00:05:57.400 Is supposed

00:05:58.400 To be able

00:05:59.400 To lead

00:06:00.400 His family

00:06:01.400 In

00:06:04.400 Obviously

00:06:05.400 With his children

00:06:06.400 Be able to teach

00:06:07.400 His children

00:06:08.400 Guide his children

00:06:09.400 But with his wife

00:06:11.400 Communication

00:06:14.400 Is key

00:06:16.400 I think

00:06:19.400 If my husband

00:06:20.400 Is supposed to be able

00:06:21.400 To teach me

00:06:22.400 To enable me

00:06:24.400 To be a critical thinker

00:06:27.400 To guide me

00:06:28.400 To protect me

00:06:29.400 To lead

00:06:31.400 Also to

00:06:33.400 Provide

00:06:34.400 For the family

00:06:36.400 And to be my companion

00:06:37.400 To be my peace

00:06:39.400 As well as

00:06:41.400 Myself being his

00:06:43.400 And not to shout

00:06:45.400 To shout

00:06:46.400 I think a lot of people

00:06:47.400 Do

00:06:49.400 Get

00:06:50.400 Communication

00:06:51.400 Very wrong

00:06:52.400 And I think

00:06:53.400 That is the

00:06:54.400 Major thing

00:06:55.400 But also

00:06:56.400 To

00:06:57.400 Push me

00:06:58.400 To be a better person

00:06:59.400 And a better Muslim

00:07:00.400 If my husband's not able

00:07:02.400 To keep reminding me

00:07:03.400 Of my deen

00:07:04.400 Because

00:07:05.400 You know

00:07:06.400 In Islam

00:07:07.400 You complete half

00:07:08.400 Of your deen

00:07:09.400 When you marry

00:07:10.400 Your spouse

00:07:11.400 So

00:07:12.400 If he's not able

00:07:14.400 To push me

00:07:15.400 Towards Jannah

00:07:16.400 And he's pushing me

00:07:17.400 Towards

00:07:18.400 Jehennam

00:07:19.400 Then that's a big

00:07:20.400 Problem

00:07:22.400 So yeah

00:07:23.400 So he has to be

00:07:24.400 My ultimate

00:07:25.400 Peace

00:07:26.400 Guide

00:07:27.400 And companion

00:07:28.400 For life

00:07:29.400 Insha'Allah

00:07:30.400 Okay

00:07:31.400 Is this a

00:07:32.400 Famer

00:07:33.400 I think I have a little bit

00:07:34.400 Of a different take

00:07:35.400 I think we have too much

00:07:37.400 Expectation

00:07:38.400 From men

00:07:39.400 And women

00:07:40.400 On each other

00:07:41.400 And I think we need to build

00:07:42.400 Ourselves first

00:07:43.400 Because when we

00:07:44.400 Live

00:07:45.400 And when we die

00:07:46.400 We are accountable

00:07:47.400 By ourselves

00:07:48.400 And I think in this day and age

00:07:49.400 We feel entitled

00:07:50.400 And we think that the other person

00:07:52.400 Has to lead us

00:07:53.400 You know

00:07:54.400 Make us do certain things

00:07:55.400 When actually it's our own

00:07:56.400 Responsibility

00:07:57.400 And if the other person

00:07:58.400 Is not in that particular way

00:07:59.400 It doesn't mean that

00:08:00.400 That should or shouldn't

00:08:01.400 Influence us

00:08:02.400 And I know that a lot of people

00:08:03.400 Can get influenced

00:08:04.400 But that just shows

00:08:05.400 Their level of

00:08:06.400 Iman, strength, weakness

00:08:08.400 Whatever you want to call it

00:08:09.400 Because I'm quite tough

00:08:10.400 When it comes to things like this

00:08:11.400 And I just think that

00:08:12.400 There's a lot of expectation

00:08:14.400 For women

00:08:15.400 On men

00:08:16.400 And men and women

00:08:17.400 And we are encouraged

00:08:18.400 To be married young

00:08:19.400 And I'm sorry

00:08:20.400 A lot of young men

00:08:21.400 Do not have

00:08:22.400 Emotional intelligence

00:08:23.400 At that age

00:08:24.400 They don't have

00:08:25.400 The commitment

00:08:26.400 Even if they think

00:08:27.400 They know the word

00:08:28.400 They don't know what

00:08:29.400 Responsibility is

00:08:30.400 And even long term

00:08:31.400 It has to be nurtured

00:08:32.400 In time

00:08:33.400 It depends on the family

00:08:34.400 The socio-economic background

00:08:35.400 It depends on

00:08:36.400 So many different

00:08:37.400 You know

00:08:38.400 Factors

00:08:39.400 That we have to consider

00:08:40.400 But I think

00:08:41.400 When we're trying to get married

00:08:42.400 It's all about

00:08:43.400 The other person

00:08:44.400 Trying to give us

00:08:45.400 Well we're not even there

00:08:46.400 Ourselves

00:08:47.400 Saying what are we

00:08:48.400 Going to put at the table

00:08:49.400 What do we offer

00:08:50.400 How are we emotionally

00:08:51.400 In a particular way

00:08:52.400 So that at the end of the day

00:08:53.400 If they're there

00:08:54.400 It's a great support

00:08:55.400 It's a great reminder

00:08:56.400 But I don't need that

00:08:58.400 To be a proper Muslim

00:08:59.400 Or a proper person

00:09:00.400 Or a female

00:09:01.400 I just need someone

00:09:03.400 Who I can

00:09:04.400 You know

00:09:05.400 Be myself

00:09:06.400 And obviously

00:09:07.400 Grow and learn

00:09:08.400 With them

00:09:09.400 That's what I think personally

00:09:10.400 Because I think there's a lot

00:09:11.400 You know

00:09:12.400 Expectation

00:09:13.400 On the other person

00:09:14.400 And oh

00:09:15.400 They complete me

00:09:16.400 Oh you know

00:09:17.400 They need to be a particular way

00:09:18.400 To help me grow

00:09:19.400 To help me grow

00:09:20.400 I can do that by myself

00:09:21.400 It's not completing you

00:09:22.400 But you complete half your deen

00:09:24.400 Like you complete half of your deen

00:09:26.400 When you do get married

00:09:28.400 But that's the institute of it

00:09:29.400 No but I'm saying like

00:09:30.400 When it comes to personal development

00:09:33.400 That's a side to the topic

00:09:35.400 Because the topic is

00:09:36.400 How is a Muslim man

00:09:40.400 Going to be a good husband

00:09:41.400 You know

00:09:42.400 So it's about companionship

00:09:44.400 It's not about the self work

00:09:46.400 When you come into a unity

00:09:49.400 And into a marriage

00:09:50.400 It's about how do we evolve

00:09:52.400 And stay in that marriage together

00:09:55.400 So that we work together

00:09:57.400 So it's really important

00:09:58.400 True

00:09:59.400 Can I give a balance

00:10:00.400 Which I think you both are

00:10:01.400 Speaking maybe past each other

00:10:02.400 It's very important

00:10:03.400 What you said Sister Fahima

00:10:04.400 Was a very mature outlook on it

00:10:05.400 Which all of you guys as well

00:10:06.400 What you said is for example

00:10:08.400 When brothers come and say

00:10:09.400 I'm going to complete half my deen

00:10:10.400 I go brother

00:10:11.400 What that means is

00:10:12.400 You're half already full

00:10:13.400 You're half empty

00:10:14.400 Yeah

00:10:15.400 You're half empty

00:10:16.400 You don't even pray

00:10:17.400 You don't do your basics

00:10:18.400 So how are you completing your deen

00:10:19.400 You don't even have deen there

00:10:20.400 So the point is

00:10:21.400 What Sister Fahima is trying to say

00:10:22.400 Is that basically

00:10:23.400 And I think it's very important

00:10:24.400 To have a reliance on Allah

00:10:25.400 Where because if you come and say

00:10:27.400 Oh I'm going to marry this person

00:10:28.400 So they'll make me better

00:10:29.400 They might not be

00:10:30.400 So basically what she's saying is

00:10:31.400 Don't rely on that

00:10:32.400 Fix yourself first

00:10:33.400 Which says

00:10:34.400 It completes half your deen

00:10:36.400 Fix the first part

00:10:37.400 Which is you

00:10:38.400 And reliance on you

00:10:39.400 Then if you get married

00:10:40.400 It can be that she fixes you

00:10:42.400 Or she can destroy you

00:10:43.400 Or vice versa

00:10:44.400 So I think you both are right

00:10:46.400 Just coming to the brothers

00:10:47.400 Brother Gabriel

00:10:48.400 Inshallah

00:10:49.400 And then from there

00:10:50.400 Onwards

00:10:51.400 What would you define as a good

00:10:52.400 Because we've heard a lot of stuff

00:10:53.400 I mean the sisters can give us

00:10:54.400 A whole list of

00:10:55.400 What is a good Muslim man

00:10:56.400 But as a man

00:10:57.400 Coming from a man's perspective

00:10:58.400 What do you define as a Muslim

00:11:01.400 A good Muslim husband?

00:11:02.400 Why am I being called Gabriel?

00:11:04.400 I'm in Jibreel man

00:11:05.400 Sorry

00:11:06.400 I'm sorry

00:11:07.400 Just some context

00:11:08.400 I slept six hours

00:11:10.400 Alhamdulillah

00:11:11.400 The morning I had boxing

00:11:12.400 I got sparked a bit

00:11:14.400 Akih not like you did four hours

00:11:17.400 If I was to four hours

00:11:18.400 You'd come to my janazah

00:11:19.400 Nah Akih

00:11:20.400 No it's not

00:11:21.400 Akih forgive me man

00:11:22.400 Jibreel

00:11:23.400 Please forgive me Akih

00:11:24.400 It's the English version of Gabriel

00:11:26.400 Sorry Jibreel

00:11:27.400 Rabbi Jibreel

00:11:28.400 Well obviously

00:11:30.400 How to be a good husband

00:11:32.400 Or what is a good husband

00:11:34.400 Is obviously the example

00:11:35.400 Of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam

00:11:37.400 Like Allah SWT has mentioned

00:11:39.400 He's the best of examples

00:11:41.400 He's the best of creation

00:11:43.400 And he Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam

00:11:44.400 Said himself that

00:11:45.400 The best amongst you

00:11:46.400 Are those who are best to your wives

00:11:48.400 And I'm the best

00:11:50.400 To my wives

00:11:51.400 So the closest to the sunnah

00:11:53.400 Is the way to be the best husband

00:11:56.400 But

00:11:57.400 And so obviously that requires a man

00:11:59.400 To obviously know

00:12:01.400 His messenger

00:12:02.400 To know the message that he came with

00:12:04.400 Because when Aisha

00:12:06.400 Described to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam

00:12:08.400 She described him as the Quran

00:12:10.400 What the Quran is

00:12:11.400 Is what the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam is

00:12:13.400 So of course

00:12:14.400 For a Muslim to be a good husband

00:12:16.400 He has to be fairly grounded

00:12:18.400 In his Islam

00:12:21.400 But in today's time

00:12:23.400 We live in such a crazy world

00:12:26.400 There are so many challenges

00:12:27.400 That the man has to face

00:12:29.400 Every day

00:12:30.400 And

00:12:32.400 And

00:12:33.400 He needs a lot

00:12:36.400 Psychologically

00:12:37.400 He needs a lot

00:12:38.400 Financially

00:12:40.400 He needs a lot

00:12:41.400 Spiritually

00:12:43.400 He needs so much

00:12:44.400 SubhanAllah

00:12:46.400 And so

00:12:47.400 Sometimes for a man

00:12:48.400 To be able to be that

00:12:50.400 He needs

00:12:51.400 A very

00:12:52.400 Understanding

00:12:53.400 Wife

00:12:54.400 He needs a very

00:12:55.400 Empathetic wife

00:12:56.400 He needs

00:12:57.400 A woman

00:12:58.400 Because you see

00:12:59.400 They say behind every great man

00:13:00.400 Is a great woman

00:13:01.400 And women

00:13:02.400 Play a big part in

00:13:04.400 Who a man is

00:13:05.400 Of course

00:13:06.400 A man has to

00:13:07.400 Himself be solid

00:13:08.400 Because a woman relies on him

00:13:09.400 But the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam

00:13:11.400 Relied so much also

00:13:12.400 On Khidija

00:13:13.400 Radiallahu Anha

00:13:14.400 On his other wives

00:13:15.400 You know

00:13:16.400 When he was

00:13:17.400 When he came

00:13:18.400 And he said

00:13:19.400 Cover me, cover me

00:13:20.400 Like you know

00:13:21.400 It was her

00:13:22.400 That was his backbone

00:13:23.400 And his support

00:13:24.400 And nowadays

00:13:26.400 It's like women

00:13:27.400 Want to come into

00:13:28.400 A man's life

00:13:29.400 When he's already

00:13:30.400 Established

00:13:32.400 And

00:13:34.400 It's like they say

00:13:35.400 That they would love to be

00:13:36.400 With someone like the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam

00:13:37.400 They would love to be

00:13:38.400 With someone like Ali

00:13:39.400 Radiallahu Anha

00:13:40.400 But they lived in poverty

00:13:42.400 So this is

00:13:43.400 It's just a lot of kalam

00:13:44.400 They're not about that life man

00:13:45.400 They're not

00:13:46.400 They're not about that life

00:13:47.400 It's just kalam

00:13:48.400 But

00:13:49.400 And so what ends up

00:13:50.400 Happening is

00:13:51.400 Look

00:13:52.400 I thought about

00:13:53.400 Before having this discussion

00:13:54.400 What angle do I want to take

00:13:56.400 Do I want to

00:13:57.400 Do I want to focus a lot

00:13:58.400 On the brothers

00:13:59.400 Do I want to focus on the sisters

00:14:00.400 And I'll try to be

00:14:01.400 As balanced as possible

00:14:02.400 But I want the women

00:14:03.400 To understand that

00:14:04.400 If you want to have

00:14:05.400 A good husband

00:14:06.400 Because a man usually

00:14:07.400 Gets married

00:14:08.400 Without wanting

00:14:09.400 Problems

00:14:10.400 There are some problematic

00:14:11.400 Individuals out there

00:14:12.400 For sure

00:14:13.400 They're just troublemakers

00:14:14.400 They just have something

00:14:15.400 Wrong with them

00:14:16.400 But

00:14:17.400 Most men when they get married

00:14:18.400 They don't get married

00:14:19.400 With the intention of leaving

00:14:20.400 And they just want peace

00:14:22.400 And

00:14:23.400 I feel like today

00:14:24.400 One of the big issues

00:14:25.400 That we have

00:14:26.400 When it comes to marriage

00:14:27.400 Is a lack of gratitude

00:14:28.400 For men

00:14:29.400 And a lack of gratitude

00:14:30.400 For women

00:14:31.400 One of our

00:14:32.400 Beloved teachers

00:14:33.400 Sheikh Abu Ubaid

00:14:34.400 Of Tarul Arkham Institute

00:14:36.400 He mentioned that

00:14:37.400 The fundamental

00:14:40.400 Basis for marital problems

00:14:42.400 Is a lack of gratitude

00:14:43.400 That's

00:14:45.400 That's like

00:14:46.400 The ground

00:14:47.400 Under which

00:14:48.400 Any problem

00:14:49.400 Is built upon

00:14:50.400 Is a lack of gratitude

00:14:51.400 And there are men

00:14:53.400 That go out every single day

00:14:54.400 And they strive

00:14:55.400 And they try

00:14:56.400 And they go to work

00:14:57.400 And on the tubes

00:14:58.400 There's naked women

00:14:59.400 In front of them

00:15:00.400 Literally

00:15:01.400 So on the tubes

00:15:02.400 In the posters

00:15:03.400 There's naked women

00:15:04.400 In front of them

00:15:05.400 In the summer

00:15:06.400 There's women walking around

00:15:07.400 Everywhere naked

00:15:08.400 And he's a good man

00:15:09.400 He's a loyal man

00:15:10.400 He's going to work

00:15:11.400 He's handling his business

00:15:12.400 He's not out here

00:15:13.400 Cheating

00:15:14.400 And doing this

00:15:15.400 And doing that

00:15:16.400 But he's coming home

00:15:17.400 To just problems

00:15:18.400 And stress

00:15:19.400 You might have married

00:15:20.400 A good man

00:15:21.400 With a whole load of potential

00:15:22.400 But because of the issues

00:15:23.400 He's dealing with

00:15:24.400 You've actually derailed him

00:15:25.400 You've actually

00:15:26.400 Caused him

00:15:27.400 You've actually

00:15:28.400 Pushed him

00:15:29.400 Like the sister described

00:15:30.400 What she needs from her husband

00:15:31.400 Someone who would

00:15:32.400 Lead her towards Jenna

00:15:34.400 They're sometimes

00:15:36.400 Leading them

00:15:37.400 The husband

00:15:38.400 The opposite direction

00:15:39.400 And vice versa

00:15:40.400 This works both ways

00:15:41.400 100%

00:15:42.400 Yes okay

00:15:43.400 Actually that's very true

00:15:44.400 No no no

00:15:45.400 Allah bless you man

00:15:46.400 Very important

00:15:47.400 But so to you

00:15:48.400 What would you define

00:15:49.400 As a good Muslim husband?

00:15:51.400 What is the good

00:15:52.400 Like what is the thing

00:15:53.400 Characteristics

00:15:54.400 What are the things

00:15:55.400 That he should do

00:15:56.400 That we say

00:15:57.400 This is a good Muslim husband?

00:15:58.400 The debate

00:15:59.400 The basics

00:16:00.400 Like is providing

00:16:02.400 Loyalty

00:16:04.400 Empathy

00:16:05.400 Disloyalty

00:16:06.400 Because some students

00:16:07.400 Have a definition

00:16:08.400 Yeah

00:16:09.400 That wouldn't fall

00:16:10.400 Under disloyalty

00:16:11.400 At all in the slides

00:16:12.400 If I'm going to be

00:16:13.400 Completely honest with you

00:16:14.400 When I define loyalty

00:16:16.400 In the most important

00:16:18.400 Manner I'm saying

00:16:19.400 As someone who doesn't

00:16:20.400 Commit adultery

00:16:21.400 Essentially

00:16:22.400 I know loyalty goes

00:16:23.400 Deeper than that

00:16:24.400 I know that there's

00:16:25.400 Communicating

00:16:26.400 When he's taking care

00:16:27.400 Of his family

00:16:28.400 That's how a man's loyalty is

00:16:30.400 If he's going and

00:16:31.400 Working and providing

00:16:32.400 That's how you know

00:16:33.400 If a man is loyal

00:16:34.400 If he's going and providing

00:16:35.400 That his loyalty should be measured

00:16:36.400 They have a different meaning

00:16:37.400 It's a part of loyalty

00:16:39.400 I guess you're being loyal

00:16:40.400 In the sense of

00:16:41.400 Fulfilling that right

00:16:42.400 But I think

00:16:43.400 When we generally

00:16:44.400 In our society

00:16:45.400 When we think about loyalty

00:16:46.400 It's always to do with

00:16:47.400 Intimacy

00:16:48.400 And the opposite gender

00:16:50.400 I'm not a big fan

00:16:51.400 Of women

00:16:52.400 Divorcing their husbands

00:16:54.400 Due to

00:16:55.400 Schoolboy errors

00:16:56.400 And

00:16:57.400 Communicating

00:16:58.400 And stuff like that

00:16:59.400 Sometimes men are going

00:17:00.400 Through stuff

00:17:01.400 They're not happy at home

00:17:02.400 When they're feeling

00:17:03.400 Their self-esteem is low

00:17:04.400 Stupid things

00:17:05.400 If a woman

00:17:06.400 Because obviously you guys know

00:17:07.400 I do counselling

00:17:08.400 If a woman comes to me

00:17:09.400 With issues like that

00:17:10.400 I'll always encourage her

00:17:11.400 To be forbearing

00:17:12.400 And not even to go through

00:17:13.400 Her husband's phone

00:17:14.400 To even come across

00:17:15.400 These things

00:17:16.400 It's not wise

00:17:17.400 Sorry

00:17:18.400 Because you're a counsellor

00:17:19.400 I actually really

00:17:20.400 There's other cultures

00:17:21.400 That do pre-marital counselling

00:17:23.400 Yeah I do

00:17:24.400 And I think

00:17:25.400 We need this more

00:17:27.400 In our communities

00:17:28.400 It's really important

00:17:29.400 Pre-marital

00:17:30.400 Because you have like

00:17:31.400 These little communication issues

00:17:33.400 That

00:17:34.400 Or just like you said

00:17:35.400 Issues with the man himself

00:17:37.400 Where he has schoolboy errors

00:17:39.400 That could just have

00:17:41.400 That conversation

00:17:43.400 That could save marriages

00:17:45.400 Literally

00:17:46.400 I don't think

00:17:47.400 That the Muslim couple

00:17:48.400 Should need

00:17:49.400 Pre-marital counselling

00:17:50.400 I really think

00:17:51.400 That the parents

00:17:52.400 Of fathers and daughters

00:17:54.400 Need to be schooling

00:17:55.400 Their kids

00:17:56.400 Asked on Instagram

00:17:57.400 The question

00:17:58.400 How many of you

00:18:00.400 Male and female

00:18:01.400 Has your mum

00:18:02.400 Or dad ever

00:18:03.400 Educated you

00:18:05.400 On what it is to be married

00:18:06.400 What to expect from a woman

00:18:07.400 What to

00:18:08.400 Like if a dad

00:18:09.400 If a dad

00:18:10.400 Who knows what marriage is like

00:18:11.400 Who knows what women is like

00:18:12.400 Can sit a man down

00:18:13.400 And explain to him

00:18:14.400 Yo this is what to expect

00:18:15.400 It doesn't happen

00:18:16.400 This needs to happen

00:18:17.400 Because the way women

00:18:18.400 Are no offence

00:18:19.400 Most men

00:18:20.400 Are going to marry a woman

00:18:21.400 He's going to think

00:18:22.400 She's majanoon

00:18:23.400 He's literally married

00:18:24.400 The worst of the worst

00:18:25.400 Unfortunately

00:18:26.400 There are cultural differences

00:18:27.400 So like

00:18:28.400 Some cultures

00:18:29.400 Some parents

00:18:30.400 Are not able to translate

00:18:32.400 That advice

00:18:33.400 To us

00:18:34.400 Like who are born

00:18:35.400 And raised

00:18:36.400 Well inshallah

00:18:37.400 We're moving away from that

00:18:38.400 Because that's a must

00:18:39.400 It should start from the parents

00:18:40.400 And also can we stick

00:18:41.400 To the topic please

00:18:42.400 Which is how to be

00:18:43.400 A good Muslim husband

00:18:44.400 Can we also have

00:18:45.400 The brother here inshallah

00:18:46.400 Abu Imran

00:18:47.400 And then Muhammad

00:18:48.400 First of all

00:18:51.400 I would like to thank you

00:18:52.400 Brother Ali

00:18:53.400 To invite me to this panel

00:18:54.400 And may Allah bless you

00:18:56.400 And all the brothers and sisters

00:18:57.400 Who make this

00:18:59.400 Bit of Truth initiative possible

00:19:03.400 And may Allah bless all your work

00:19:05.400 And dedication

00:19:06.400 And may Allah bless you

00:19:09.400 To answer the question

00:19:11.400 From my little experience

00:19:13.400 Of 16 years of marriage

00:19:15.400 For me

00:19:16.400 Above the basics

00:19:18.400 Of being a good provider

00:19:20.400 Caretaker

00:19:21.400 And someone who

00:19:23.400 Can listen

00:19:24.400 I think that

00:19:26.400 A good husband

00:19:27.400 Is somebody

00:19:28.400 Who can work

00:19:29.400 On himself

00:19:30.400 Because

00:19:31.400 The

00:19:33.400 The main

00:19:34.400 Problems that

00:19:35.400 Happens here

00:19:36.400 In this day and age

00:19:37.400 Is the

00:19:38.400 The lack

00:19:39.400 Of ability to

00:19:40.400 To make compromise

00:19:41.400 Most of the time

00:19:43.400 People are

00:19:44.400 Think they are

00:19:45.400 Logic and

00:19:46.400 Okay I'm right

00:19:47.400 This is wrong

00:19:48.400 I should be

00:19:49.400 This is not about

00:19:50.400 Being right or wrong

00:19:51.400 Subhanallah

00:19:52.400 We say that

00:19:53.400 You know that

00:19:54.400 Women can be emotional

00:19:55.400 And they have been

00:19:57.400 Compared to a rib

00:19:58.400 And they will

00:19:59.400 Try to loosen up

00:20:00.400 It will break

00:20:01.400 So don't try to

00:20:03.400 To apply your logic

00:20:05.400 On everything

00:20:06.400 And do it for Allah

00:20:08.400 But put Allah

00:20:09.400 In the equation

00:20:10.400 And for example

00:20:11.400 In arguing

00:20:12.400 You say okay

00:20:13.400 You know what

00:20:14.400 I'm going

00:20:15.400 To apologize

00:20:16.400 Even though I'm

00:20:17.400 I'm 100% right

00:20:18.400 For the sake of Allah

00:20:21.400 Try to learn

00:20:22.400 To compromise

00:20:23.400 I think

00:20:24.400 It's very underrated

00:20:25.400 It's the most important

00:20:26.400 To my eyes

00:20:27.400 That's a 16 year

00:20:30.400 Marriage man

00:20:31.400 Talking right there

00:20:32.420 You need to keep the mic

00:20:33.400 Right here

00:20:34.400 What would you say

00:20:37.400 Is

00:20:39.400 What is Islam saying

00:20:40.400 In the sense where

00:20:41.400 This is a good Muslim husband

00:20:43.400 Well I mean

00:20:44.400 I think a lot of it

00:20:45.400 Has actually really been covered

00:20:46.400 To be honest

00:20:47.400 Like the protection

00:20:48.400 The provision

00:20:49.400 This is a key ayah actually

00:20:56.620 In how to be a good husband

00:20:59.220 Which is that men are maintainers and protectors of women

00:21:02.380 Because of what Allah has given one that he has given the other

00:21:06.560 And because of what they spend

00:21:08.140 And the spending thing is actually quite a big thing

00:21:10.660 Because the Prophet ﷺ said in a hadith

00:21:12.160 He said that

00:21:13.760 The worst thing

00:21:15.980 Because we talk about what a man has to have

00:21:18.800 But this hadith is actually very critical

00:21:21.260 Because it's telling you what a man can't have

00:21:23.360 He says that the worst thing in a man

00:21:27.000 Is

00:21:27.920 Very stinginess

00:21:31.260 If he's a stingy person

00:21:33.340 That's one of the worst things a man can exhibit

00:21:35.120 That's number one

00:21:36.560 Number two is

00:21:37.740 Which is you're a coward

00:21:40.500 So one of the two worst things or vices

00:21:44.360 That you can exhibit as a man

00:21:45.480 According to Prophet Muhammad ﷺ

00:21:46.460 The diocese is a protect provider

00:21:47.700 Yeah, it's the opposite in a sense

00:21:49.820 So, Yanni, what you cannot be is a person who's stingy

00:21:53.120 The first advice I'd give to my son

00:21:55.760 I've got a son, yeah

00:21:56.640 I'll tell him, look

00:21:57.640 I'll tell you what advice I'd give to my daughters as well

00:22:00.280 No problem, yeah

00:22:00.880 Let's just start with the sons

00:22:02.140 The sons, yeah

00:22:02.760 We always start with the daughters

00:22:03.540 But I would tell him, look

00:22:05.340 I mean

00:22:05.640 Don't ever be afraid to

00:22:07.820 Spend on your wife and kids

00:22:09.900 Do you know what I mean?

00:22:11.280 Because

00:22:11.560 A lot of people that are afraid of this aspect

00:22:14.000 I meet people that are budgeting

00:22:16.880 With their wives

00:22:18.360 I find it very disgusting

00:22:19.560 Actually, to be honest with you

00:22:20.500 You've got to be very generous with your wife

00:22:22.600 And you should never think

00:22:24.840 Okay, I've spent this much on you

00:22:26.860 And this kind of behaviour

00:22:27.760 Don't even speak about it

00:22:29.600 Even if she's being ungrateful?

00:22:31.680 Would you say, for example

00:22:32.420 In a sense where

00:22:32.960 Yeah, even if she's being ungrateful

00:22:34.240 Unless she's being nash

00:22:35.120 That's a different story though

00:22:36.220 She's in what?

00:22:37.420 Rebellious

00:22:37.780 Because then you can't reward

00:22:39.280 That kind of behaviour

00:22:40.060 That's a different issue

00:22:40.840 But I'm saying like

00:22:42.020 Even if she's being ungrateful

00:22:43.000 That's your thing

00:22:43.720 You're given

00:22:44.560 And you'll find that

00:22:46.420 Just by being generous with your wife

00:22:48.000 That a lot of the resentment

00:22:50.060 That she has

00:22:50.760 From your behaviour towards her

00:22:52.140 Actually goes down

00:22:53.600 But they're not shocking

00:22:54.260 No, no

00:22:55.080 It's not about like materialism and stuff

00:22:57.420 Everybody like

00:22:58.840 Even a child, a woman

00:22:59.960 Everybody likes money

00:23:01.000 And gifts and stuff

00:23:02.000 That's not haram

00:23:02.600 Yeah, of course not

00:23:03.240 So the Prophet ﷺ was very

00:23:05.100 As much as he could be

00:23:06.480 Generous with his wives

00:23:07.820 I mean, there's a beautiful hadith

00:23:09.220 Actually in Bukhari

00:23:11.880 It's mentioned

00:23:12.380 Where the Prophet ﷺ

00:23:13.760 Remember he has nine wives

00:23:14.900 At the same time

00:23:15.640 And they were

00:23:17.940 They were living a hard life

00:23:19.900 Because it was impoverished

00:23:20.960 He went to a Jewish man

00:23:22.460 He gave his spear

00:23:24.340 All like barley and wheat

00:23:26.680 And stuff like that

00:23:27.260 So he can give it to his wife

00:23:28.120 His spear is what he would be using in war

00:23:30.120 He used that as collateral

00:23:31.480 They used it in the book of fiqh

00:23:32.680 Of like collateral and stuff like that

00:23:33.920 That's the extent to which he was eager

00:23:35.400 To provide for his wives

00:23:36.940 So that's the first thing

00:23:38.080 And being a coward

00:23:38.980 There's no

00:23:39.980 Comeback from that

00:23:41.860 Like for example

00:23:42.620 If someone disrespects your wife

00:23:43.940 And you cannot defend your wife's rights

00:23:47.380 Then there's almost no comeback

00:23:50.280 If you're unjust

00:23:51.760 And you let your mum

00:23:52.660 Humiliate your wife

00:23:54.080 She's going to lose respect for you

00:23:56.900 Because a lot of

00:23:58.240 In subcontinental culture

00:23:59.540 You have that

00:24:00.020 You have a lot of like

00:24:00.840 Yeah let's talk about these mummies boys

00:24:02.700 Because

00:24:02.940 Yeah you do have that

00:24:04.260 So he'll let his mum abuse the woman

00:24:07.140 Yeah

00:24:07.360 As if she is in charge

00:24:08.780 If she's got no Islamic right upon her at all

00:24:10.600 And so

00:24:11.560 He can't be just

00:24:12.820 In that situation

00:24:13.880 So being a coward

00:24:14.940 Effectively being a coward

00:24:16.120 That is being a coward

00:24:17.400 So the two worst things about it

00:24:19.560 That's number one

00:24:20.000 Number two is

00:24:20.500 I would say

00:24:20.860 On the point

00:24:21.760 I actually agree with Fahim in a sense

00:24:23.660 You've got to be careful with like

00:24:25.780 This idea

00:24:27.360 This notion of

00:24:28.300 Depending on yourself

00:24:29.140 But I agree with the idea

00:24:30.220 That a Muslim

00:24:32.040 Man or woman

00:24:32.560 And this is the same advice

00:24:33.380 I'd give my son

00:24:34.220 As I would give my daughter

00:24:35.480 Which is

00:24:36.580 When we say

00:24:37.020 Religion

00:24:37.760 Or

00:24:38.220 When we say that

00:24:39.540 Marriage is going to complete

00:24:40.380 Half your deen

00:24:40.960 It doesn't mean that

00:24:41.580 You're half empty already

00:24:42.720 You're integrous as you're coming in

00:24:45.080 As a man or as a woman

00:24:46.880 And the hadith

00:24:47.900 That really sticks out to me

00:24:49.220 On that basis

00:24:50.620 Is the Prophet ﷺ said

00:24:52.320 That

00:24:52.900 And this is

00:24:53.540 Musadrak Hakim hadith

00:24:55.140 It's not B'kari

00:24:55.640 But it's all Sahih

00:24:56.280 He said that

00:24:57.540 The sharaf of this ummah

00:24:59.840 The dignity

00:25:00.580 Or the honor

00:25:01.040 The badge of honor

00:25:01.720 Of this ummah

00:25:02.320 Is qiyamul layl

00:25:03.440 And he said that

00:25:05.680 It's izzah

00:25:06.560 It's might

00:25:07.280 Is istighna'uhum

00:25:08.760 Aani nes

00:25:09.360 Self-dependency

00:25:10.880 When someone is self-sufficient

00:25:12.660 This doesn't actually

00:25:13.900 Distriniate between men

00:25:14.860 And women

00:25:15.120 You know

00:25:15.400 So in a sense

00:25:16.740 Like if

00:25:17.120 I'm going to tell my daughter

00:25:18.040 That you cannot

00:25:19.180 Allow this man

00:25:20.340 To dictate how you're feeling

00:25:21.720 Like for example

00:25:22.940 If he decides to leave you

00:25:24.120 Or if he decides

00:25:25.600 To end the relationship

00:25:26.480 Your relationship

00:25:27.640 With Allah

00:25:27.940 Has to be strong enough

00:25:28.660 That you can endure that

00:25:29.500 That's not going to end you

00:25:30.400 It's not going to destroy you

00:25:31.120 Oh okay

00:25:31.480 But that's what

00:25:32.800 Sister Fahim said

00:25:33.540 Yeah

00:25:34.120 So that's

00:25:37.300 I do believe

00:25:37.860 That that's now

00:25:38.500 The strongest thing

00:25:39.300 A man can have

00:25:40.140 I think both men and women

00:25:41.200 Should have this

00:25:41.740 By the way

00:25:42.160 Like because

00:25:43.640 The hadith indicates

00:25:44.500 It's a ummum

00:25:45.420 Love the ummum

00:25:46.060 It's men and women

00:25:46.680 Yeah

00:25:46.900 But the strongest thing

00:25:48.560 A man can have

00:25:49.120 As a Muslim husband

00:25:49.880 Is his power

00:25:50.860 To walk away

00:25:51.500 It's not his divorce

00:25:53.180 It's not his second wife

00:25:54.360 It's not hiding the wife

00:25:55.680 It's not any of the things

00:25:56.360 We spoke about previously

00:25:57.340 Why are you looking at me bro

00:25:58.320 No I'm just saying

00:25:59.340 It's the strongest

00:26:00.960 Card that he can play

00:26:02.940 Is leaving the woman

00:26:04.520 There's nothing

00:26:05.640 Stronger than that

00:26:06.500 You know what

00:26:06.920 Can I just add on that

00:26:07.640 Yeah I think

00:26:08.200 Wallahi

00:26:08.640 If a man

00:26:10.220 Because I'm

00:26:11.160 Trying to understand

00:26:11.740 The dynamics

00:26:12.120 And with this show

00:26:12.680 With the guests

00:26:13.200 Wallahi

00:26:13.460 I learn so much

00:26:14.540 That it benefits my marriage

00:26:15.800 Yeah

00:26:16.120 May Allah bless you guys

00:26:17.140 Wallahi

00:26:17.380 It actually

00:26:17.720 It benefits my marriage

00:26:18.780 If a man is a good man

00:26:20.600 If he's a good Muslim husband

00:26:21.900 Wallahi

00:26:22.960 I genuinely believe this

00:26:24.440 Because sometimes

00:26:24.980 What men do is like

00:26:25.720 The wife and this that

00:26:26.540 Okay good

00:26:27.280 Yeah whatever man

00:26:27.980 Today's episode

00:26:28.900 Is about brothers

00:26:29.580 If a man is good to his wife

00:26:31.720 Look if he's praying

00:26:32.620 He's doing his deen

00:26:33.360 Etc

00:26:33.720 Staying away from major sins

00:26:35.460 Not going and talking to girls

00:26:37.540 And flirting

00:26:37.980 None of that

00:26:38.460 You know

00:26:38.900 Because that's very

00:26:39.400 It's not only haram

00:26:40.620 It's traumatizing as well

00:26:42.440 If a man can do that

00:26:44.940 And he's loving to his kids

00:26:46.640 Yeah

00:26:47.580 When

00:26:48.480 Like for example

00:26:49.920 Like when she needs him

00:26:51.500 He's there

00:26:52.100 I don't think that woman

00:26:54.360 Would ever leave that man

00:26:55.480 Like I don't believe that

00:26:57.280 Even for example

00:26:58.160 If he wants to

00:26:59.420 Implement certain stuff

00:27:00.720 That gives him such a power

00:27:01.940 In the sense where

00:27:02.540 Not that you're doing it

00:27:03.360 For the power

00:27:03.840 But I believe

00:27:05.040 That like you said

00:27:06.020 This biggest power

00:27:06.680 Would be for example

00:27:07.380 If he was to leave

00:27:08.360 Because of her disobedience

00:27:09.360 She would come to a sentence

00:27:10.760 And say you know what

00:27:11.340 This actually is a good man

00:27:12.280 I self internalize

00:27:14.420 And realize

00:27:14.900 I'm wrong

00:27:15.960 I don't want to lose her

00:27:16.840 Just to add to that

00:27:18.260 If you feel like

00:27:19.440 If you leave your wife

00:27:20.380 If you go somewhere

00:27:21.700 If you leave her

00:27:22.440 She's not going to come to you

00:27:24.000 Then I think that

00:27:25.460 You should leave her

00:27:26.080 I know it sounds bad

00:27:26.960 But there's no connection there

00:27:28.600 There's no love

00:27:29.380 If you leave

00:27:30.960 And there's no response

00:27:32.120 There's no response from her

00:27:33.260 Like for me

00:27:34.340 I'm going to tell my son

00:27:35.400 The following

00:27:36.360 Listen

00:27:36.680 My son

00:27:38.000 Oh son of mine

00:27:38.760 Yeah

00:27:38.960 As the

00:27:40.600 Oh my son

00:27:43.220 Oh my boy

00:27:44.080 I'm going to say

00:27:45.220 Listen

00:27:45.460 This is what you need to do

00:27:46.480 Before you get into marriage

00:27:47.700 Yeah

00:27:48.200 You need to be

00:27:49.500 You need to psychologically

00:27:50.480 Prime yourself

00:27:51.400 So that

00:27:52.460 If at any point

00:27:53.520 You feel like

00:27:54.400 She's crossed the boundaries

00:27:55.680 Or the thresholds

00:27:56.660 Or anything like that

00:27:57.320 You can take a decision

00:27:58.860 To leave

00:28:00.500 And that won't crush you

00:28:02.140 It won't destroy you

00:28:03.340 If you can't put yourself

00:28:04.480 In a position

00:28:04.980 Where you can leave

00:28:05.600 That wife

00:28:06.660 That particular wife

00:28:07.440 And on the flip side

00:28:09.040 My daughters

00:28:09.660 I'm going to tell them

00:28:10.160 If he leaves you

00:28:10.900 You have to be able to

00:28:11.980 Deal with it yourself

00:28:13.640 And manage

00:28:14.260 You have to have that

00:28:15.260 Internal mechanism

00:28:16.180 Within yourself

00:28:16.800 You don't become bitter

00:28:17.860 Yeah

00:28:18.640 So this is

00:28:19.660 Very important

00:28:20.200 Your strongest power

00:28:22.480 Is your power

00:28:23.140 To walk away as a husband

00:28:24.360 And that's what

00:28:25.020 Allah's been called

00:28:25.280 It takes discipline

00:28:25.920 To do that as well

00:28:26.820 It does

00:28:27.120 Because men are clingy

00:28:28.140 It's not just women

00:28:29.040 The worst thing you can be

00:28:30.020 I think that

00:28:30.560 We talk about

00:28:31.660 The topic of discussion today

00:28:33.560 Is how to be a good husband

00:28:35.020 You have to be affectionate

00:28:36.320 Of course you have to be affectionate

00:28:38.080 So now this is a key

00:28:39.080 Pillar of a marriage

00:28:39.980 Affection is a key pillar

00:28:40.780 If you leave it

00:28:41.640 The woman might hate you

00:28:42.440 Actually

00:28:42.740 If you don't compliment her

00:28:44.660 And tell her

00:28:45.140 How good she looks

00:28:46.220 Physically

00:28:47.860 Especially in the mornings

00:28:48.640 Whatever time

00:28:49.620 It doesn't matter

00:28:50.100 So if you don't do this bit

00:28:52.300 If you don't tell her

00:28:53.100 How good she looks

00:28:54.460 If you don't have that

00:28:55.960 You're nothing

00:28:56.640 You're not a man

00:28:57.060 You might as well just leave

00:28:58.000 Because in about six months

00:28:59.360 To a year's time

00:28:59.880 She might lose interest in you

00:29:00.980 She's going to look for that

00:29:01.880 From somewhere else

00:29:02.400 I believe that

00:29:04.180 I personally believe that

00:29:04.840 If you're not providing

00:29:05.860 Any level of affection

00:29:06.620 But the flip side of it

00:29:08.200 Which a lot of brothers

00:29:08.780 Make the mistake of as well

00:29:09.820 Is smothering the woman

00:29:11.240 Like too much affection

00:29:13.000 Yeah we don't like that

00:29:13.720 And this

00:29:14.100 By the way

00:29:14.600 There's a study

00:29:16.060 I was looking at

00:29:16.820 By P. P. L. et al

00:29:18.560 That said

00:29:19.820 This is one of the six

00:29:20.740 Main reasons

00:29:21.220 Why people get divorced

00:29:21.860 It's called partner pursuit

00:29:23.240 It's called clinginess

00:29:24.020 When a man is killing you

00:29:25.360 To a woman

00:29:25.780 She hates it

00:29:26.640 She's disgusted by it

00:29:27.880 It's like drinking too much

00:29:29.120 Honey and all this kind of stuff

00:29:30.660 It makes you sick

00:29:31.240 It's so true

00:29:32.080 You know

00:29:32.300 I hear of stories

00:29:33.700 I don't know what you say

00:29:34.460 To say on this

00:29:35.020 Please

00:29:35.220 But I think in a woman's fitrah

00:29:37.200 She is

00:29:38.360 I wouldn't say she's built to chase

00:29:40.240 But she

00:29:41.140 Like

00:29:41.660 I hear the stories

00:29:42.940 There was a story I heard of a brother

00:29:44.060 Whose wife actually cheated on him

00:29:45.720 Like a Muslim woman

00:29:46.500 Yeah

00:29:46.660 By the way

00:29:47.220 Hijabi

00:29:47.820 Yeah

00:29:48.400 I'm not saying

00:29:48.940 I'm not saying

00:29:49.360 I'm just saying in general

00:29:50.540 So

00:29:51.520 And

00:29:52.180 And I said

00:29:52.920 I asked him

00:29:53.400 I said

00:29:53.700 Like for example

00:29:54.540 Can you tell me a bit

00:29:55.300 I just want to understand the dynamics

00:29:56.220 How did this go wrong

00:29:57.080 He's like

00:29:57.840 Bro I gave her everything she wants

00:29:59.240 And I was like

00:29:59.640 Say no

00:30:00.240 Stop there

00:30:02.160 When you say

00:30:03.160 I gave her everything she wants

00:30:04.960 Brother

00:30:05.660 This is the biggest

00:30:06.440 Now what do I mean by that

00:30:07.780 There has to be a fine balance bro

00:30:09.520 There has to be a time

00:30:10.420 Where you say

00:30:10.880 No

00:30:11.660 You have your authority

00:30:12.620 Do you get it

00:30:13.440 The moment you start behaving

00:30:14.860 Of what you want

00:30:15.480 You want to go there

00:30:16.300 Yeah here you got everything

00:30:17.040 Bro it's human nature

00:30:18.340 Even if we do it amongst brothers

00:30:19.540 If I was like everything

00:30:21.280 That I wanted

00:30:22.220 And the hijab was like

00:30:22.780 Yes yes yes yes

00:30:23.380 Well we have our disagreements

00:30:24.440 We have our arguments

00:30:25.400 Here this next year

00:30:26.020 This is what makes it

00:30:27.580 But

00:30:27.980 What would you guys say

00:30:28.960 You've heard hijab

00:30:29.760 Let's touch upon

00:30:31.240 Like we've talked a lot about

00:30:32.460 How to be a good Muslim husband

00:30:33.920 But what about these mummies boys

00:30:35.560 What about

00:30:36.180 What is the biggest

00:30:37.000 What would you say

00:30:37.860 Is the biggest contentions

00:30:38.840 A lot of sisters have

00:30:39.580 When it comes to

00:30:40.180 Their husbands

00:30:41.320 Because I know sisters have

00:30:42.160 A lot of contentions

00:30:42.800 We just want to know

00:30:43.720 Some of them

00:30:44.260 Please top three

00:30:44.720 Sorry before

00:30:45.240 We move on to the mummies boys

00:30:47.020 I just really want to make

00:30:48.420 A point on the fact

00:30:49.980 Of the giving

00:30:51.780 Being generous to your wife

00:30:53.860 I think

00:30:54.580 I've received a lot of DMs

00:30:56.640 From Muslim sisters

00:30:57.940 Talking about

00:31:00.320 The lack of romance

00:31:02.160 From their husbands

00:31:03.320 Lack of

00:31:04.480 You know

00:31:04.820 Dating

00:31:05.480 Whatever we call now

00:31:06.900 And I think

00:31:08.060 I think a lot of men

00:31:08.680 Neglect this part

00:31:10.320 Of the sunnah

00:31:11.320 Of how the Prophet

00:31:12.740 Muhammad

00:31:13.040 Was really romantic

00:31:15.860 To his wives

00:31:16.840 You know

00:31:17.580 Obviously it wasn't

00:31:18.740 What we see today

00:31:20.120 Is obviously different

00:31:21.500 But you know

00:31:22.740 I think a lot of men

00:31:23.700 Are lacking

00:31:24.260 And women are suffering

00:31:25.800 At home

00:31:26.320 Because they're just like

00:31:27.400 Feeling neglected

00:31:28.620 Feeling ignored

00:31:30.240 Like you said

00:31:31.500 Not complimentary

00:31:32.520 And they feel bored

00:31:36.140 With their partner

00:31:36.940 And that's a big problem

00:31:38.860 It's dangerous

00:31:39.300 You know

00:31:39.760 And it is dangerous

00:31:40.900 Because if your wife

00:31:42.620 Is continually saying

00:31:44.140 She wants your attention

00:31:46.100 She wants your attention

00:31:47.180 She wants your attention

00:31:48.200 And you are ignoring

00:31:50.480 That complaint

00:31:52.560 Ignoring that outcry

00:31:54.360 Like you said

00:31:56.280 Eventually

00:31:56.860 She may leave

00:31:58.640 Or eventually

00:31:59.240 She may go elsewhere

00:32:00.520 You know

00:32:01.140 That's right

00:32:01.180 But it is very important

00:32:04.020 To not neglect that

00:32:05.980 And I think

00:32:06.500 People really make marriage

00:32:09.200 Like

00:32:09.580 It is serious

00:32:10.960 But they make

00:32:11.960 Their marriage so serious

00:32:13.600 Like marriage

00:32:14.780 Is supposed to be a vibe

00:32:16.160 You're supposed to have fun

00:32:17.380 With your husband

00:32:18.020 You're supposed to

00:32:18.900 Like talk

00:32:20.320 Laugh

00:32:20.940 You know

00:32:21.320 It's supposed to be fun

00:32:23.320 You know

00:32:24.060 When

00:32:24.320 It shouldn't feel like

00:32:25.560 A janeza

00:32:26.180 When you get married

00:32:27.700 That's it

00:32:28.240 It's doomsday

00:32:29.260 Seriousness

00:32:30.680 Like wake up

00:32:31.640 Sleep

00:32:32.060 Cook

00:32:32.600 Clean

00:32:33.140 Like

00:32:33.460 No

00:32:34.160 Life is dynamic

00:32:35.560 It's supposed to have

00:32:36.960 You know

00:32:37.900 Shape

00:32:39.080 Form

00:32:39.740 You know

00:32:40.300 Have fun

00:32:40.760 What do you call it

00:32:41.600 The hadith of Jabalim Abdullah

00:32:42.580 It's like

00:32:43.100 Why don't you marry

00:32:44.160 A younger person

00:32:45.520 So

00:32:45.820 Literally

00:32:46.320 So you can

00:32:47.940 Play around with her

00:32:48.640 He said

00:32:49.380 Oh I married her

00:32:50.200 For such and such

00:32:50.620 Reason the Prophet

00:32:51.100 Fair enough

00:32:52.620 But the point is

00:32:53.220 Is that

00:32:53.560 The idea of being playful

00:32:54.740 Is mentioned

00:32:56.200 By the Prophet

00:32:56.860 Because there's got to be

00:32:59.420 A time for fun

00:33:00.300 And jokes

00:33:00.780 And having a good time

00:33:01.740 As well

00:33:02.040 Like

00:33:02.640 Hamdallah

00:33:03.020 This guy

00:33:03.420 He came

00:33:03.760 Sahabi

00:33:04.540 Came to the Prophet

00:33:05.300 He said

00:33:06.740 Look

00:33:07.000 I'm always

00:33:07.920 When I'm in the

00:33:09.420 Masjid

00:33:09.700 I'm very serious

00:33:10.460 Because I'm very serious

00:33:11.720 And I'm doing

00:33:12.440 I'm doing all these

00:33:13.480 Kind of things

00:33:13.820 But when I go home

00:33:14.500 I'm joking around

00:33:15.540 I'm having a good time

00:33:16.460 I'm laughing around

00:33:17.200 And whatever

00:33:17.560 Because I feel like

00:33:18.480 A hypocrite

00:33:18.960 The Prophet

00:33:19.700 He replied to

00:33:20.620 He says

00:33:20.800 It says

00:33:23.560 One hour of this

00:33:24.440 And one hour of that

00:33:25.140 In other words

00:33:26.320 Because Lifetime

00:33:27.580 It's not this

00:33:28.500 It's all serious

00:33:29.100 It's all serious

00:33:29.840 You know what I mean

00:33:30.320 So of course

00:33:31.260 SubhanAllah

00:33:31.840 Islam is always about balance

00:33:33.380 You see

00:33:33.900 With two extremes

00:33:35.500 Too much

00:33:36.460 Or not enough

00:33:37.200 Of the same thing

00:33:38.260 Attention

00:33:38.700 Could be lethal

00:33:40.560 To the marriage

00:33:41.840 SubhanAllah

00:33:42.500 Yeah it's true

00:33:43.140 It's always about balance

00:33:44.460 So as men

00:33:47.500 That are watching this

00:33:48.320 So you said

00:33:49.580 One of the things

00:33:50.040 Did you say

00:33:50.780 Romance

00:33:51.240 Affection

00:33:51.620 Or something like that

00:33:52.140 Romance

00:33:53.040 Just the husband

00:33:54.160 Being romantic

00:33:54.940 It wouldn't hurt you

00:33:56.380 Like I know

00:33:57.160 Some women

00:33:58.000 Who literally

00:33:59.700 Have never received

00:34:00.960 Not one flower

00:34:02.300 From their husband

00:34:03.520 Can I

00:34:04.320 Can I

00:34:05.020 Can I just add

00:34:06.000 Literally

00:34:06.360 Some women are like

00:34:07.620 Suffering

00:34:08.640 I've had DMs

00:34:09.740 And I'm shocked

00:34:10.620 Wow

00:34:11.320 Can I add on to that

00:34:13.080 Because I think

00:34:13.800 It's a priority issue

00:34:14.860 I think that

00:34:15.960 Most men

00:34:17.280 Just think that

00:34:18.120 If they're providing

00:34:19.160 Financially

00:34:19.880 Then everything else

00:34:21.300 Is not really

00:34:22.280 Important

00:34:22.760 But if you look

00:34:24.020 At female nature

00:34:24.860 We are attention

00:34:26.040 Seekers

00:34:26.540 We like attention

00:34:27.720 We like our man

00:34:28.620 You know

00:34:29.300 Sometimes

00:34:29.760 Yeah exactly

00:34:30.500 Sometimes we just

00:34:31.360 Call for no reason

00:34:32.800 Just to hear

00:34:33.520 That we're getting

00:34:35.020 We're getting attention

00:34:35.400 And you know

00:34:36.000 The guys

00:34:36.420 Putting us as a priority

00:34:37.860 I just

00:34:38.320 On the way up here now

00:34:39.380 Met our uncle

00:34:40.420 Francis

00:34:41.380 I think his name was

00:34:42.220 Really good guy

00:34:43.400 And he's 62

00:34:44.280 And he was giving me

00:34:46.140 Some information

00:34:47.460 About how the young guys

00:34:48.800 Are failing at their marriages

00:34:49.940 Because

00:34:50.360 They're working too much

00:34:52.000 And he said

00:34:53.020 A lot of the wives

00:34:53.880 Are saying

00:34:54.480 You're never home

00:34:55.540 I need help with the kids

00:34:56.800 I just want to sit down

00:34:58.680 With you

00:34:59.060 I just want to talk

00:34:59.880 And a lot of them

00:35:00.760 Are saying

00:35:00.980 Well why are you complaining

00:35:01.960 I'm working

00:35:03.280 And that's why I say

00:35:04.780 It's a priority issue

00:35:05.660 Like and that's why

00:35:06.460 In the beginning I said

00:35:07.300 A good man in my opinion

00:35:08.940 A good husband

00:35:09.640 Is when he shows up

00:35:11.380 When he needs to

00:35:12.160 In practical sense

00:35:13.640 Like the theory

00:35:14.280 Yeah you can say

00:35:15.200 He needs to be doing this

00:35:16.240 Islamically

00:35:16.800 And stuff like that

00:35:17.540 But in practical

00:35:18.720 When it comes to

00:35:20.780 Their experience

00:35:22.240 A lot of the guys

00:35:23.240 Are not showing up

00:35:24.280 True

00:35:24.680 You know

00:35:24.900 The wives are complaining

00:35:25.900 True

00:35:26.620 But

00:35:26.760 That's why

00:35:28.560 And the priority issue is

00:35:30.100 It's not just about

00:35:31.340 Working

00:35:31.680 Working

00:35:31.940 Making money

00:35:32.680 If we're talking about

00:35:33.680 On the basis of

00:35:34.360 A good husband

00:35:34.940 It's not just about

00:35:35.960 Working

00:35:36.360 Making money

00:35:37.080 It's also about

00:35:38.360 Okay sometimes

00:35:39.220 Take that time off

00:35:40.400 And just spend

00:35:40.960 A little bit of time

00:35:41.540 With your wife

00:35:41.940 Some women are just

00:35:43.160 Content with that

00:35:44.360 No no no

00:35:44.660 But true but you know

00:35:45.200 With their husband

00:35:45.600 Just working like a horse

00:35:47.080 Yes

00:35:47.560 And not you know

00:35:49.040 Coming home

00:35:49.740 And I think that's wrong

00:35:50.980 It's miserable

00:35:51.920 You have to have mercy

00:35:52.560 For your husband as well

00:35:53.800 No exactly

00:35:54.280 You can't just sit there

00:35:55.420 And enjoy the benefits

00:35:56.740 Of your husband

00:35:57.480 And not care

00:35:59.660 That he's not resting

00:36:00.920 Not care

00:36:01.720 That he's not

00:36:02.440 You know

00:36:03.020 Eating food properly

00:36:04.160 That's wrong as well

00:36:05.300 Yeah

00:36:05.540 You know

00:36:05.960 It's true

00:36:06.420 What Sister Dauphine said as well

00:36:07.680 But we need to look at it in balance

00:36:08.660 Because we talked about gratitude

00:36:09.760 And it's very important

00:36:10.480 Yeah

00:36:10.700 And Allah says in the Quran

00:36:11.680 That if you're grateful

00:36:12.480 I will increase you

00:36:13.220 And for some odd reason

00:36:14.360 Everyone that reads this ayah

00:36:15.340 Talks about like

00:36:16.080 If you're grateful

00:36:17.080 Allah will give you more money

00:36:18.020 Like

00:36:18.600 They read this ayah like that

00:36:19.820 Because Allah doesn't specify

00:36:21.120 Allah says

00:36:21.840 If you're grateful

00:36:22.660 I'll increase you

00:36:23.540 Increase you in what?

00:36:25.000 Can it not be

00:36:25.800 Increase you in gratitude more?

00:36:27.320 That you become more happy?

00:36:28.460 Yeah

00:36:28.640 So the thing is this though

00:36:30.120 Like if these men

00:36:31.320 If it's a man who's just obsessed with money

00:36:33.000 Money, money, money, money

00:36:33.740 Yeah

00:36:33.960 That's different

00:36:34.540 But if a man is working

00:36:36.300 You need to understand

00:36:37.300 The Prophet Muhammad

00:36:37.840 Peace be upon him said

00:36:38.540 If I was to tell anybody

00:36:39.600 To do sajda to anyone

00:36:41.400 It will be the woman to the husband

00:36:43.640 Why?

00:36:45.340 The responsibilities on our shoulder

00:36:47.480 Is so adeem

00:36:48.720 It's so big

00:36:50.300 We're the head

00:36:51.340 We're going to be questioned

00:36:51.940 About our household

00:36:52.640 On your maqiyama

00:36:53.620 We're going out there

00:36:54.800 And providing

00:36:55.320 All kinds of stuff happen bro

00:36:56.820 I know brothers who are doing

00:36:57.760 After an Uber before

00:36:58.380 Getting stabbed

00:36:58.800 Getting robbed

00:36:59.480 Left, right, centre

00:37:00.200 So when we come home

00:37:02.900 And the wife is like

00:37:04.240 Yeah but why didn't you get me?

00:37:06.120 And it's like

00:37:06.520 It's like a knife bro

00:37:07.800 It's like wow

00:37:09.560 Like I'm going

00:37:10.240 It's as if you are

00:37:11.220 Totally blind to everything

00:37:12.880 That I do

00:37:13.680 And your friend

00:37:14.900 That you spoke to

00:37:15.720 Your, excuse me

00:37:16.500 Your dumb friend

00:37:17.260 That you spoke to

00:37:18.420 No no let me be honest

00:37:19.040 Because they don't share things

00:37:19.720 That destroy the marriage yeah

00:37:20.620 Oh my husband got me flowers

00:37:22.980 Did he get you any?

00:37:24.100 Yeah

00:37:24.260 One second

00:37:25.660 Maybe he didn't get flowers

00:37:26.420 He's doing something bigger than flowers

00:37:27.460 Yeah maybe

00:37:27.960 This dumb friend

00:37:29.200 Your husband's God knows

00:37:30.180 Doing what else

00:37:31.100 He maybe gets you flowers

00:37:32.040 But God knows what else he's doing yeah

00:37:33.600 Okay besides flowers

00:37:34.960 So the point is this

00:37:36.340 No no let's be real here yeah

00:37:37.460 So the point is

00:37:38.400 To come home

00:37:39.740 And have your wife

00:37:41.380 Just be like

00:37:42.280 You know what

00:37:42.760 When was the last time

00:37:44.100 He got me flowers?

00:37:45.000 Two years ago?

00:37:45.600 Okay

00:37:45.780 Isn't it every day

00:37:47.760 That this man provides for this house?

00:37:49.380 Isn't it every day

00:37:50.120 When a thief breaks down

00:37:51.220 Breaks the house down

00:37:52.700 I'm going to be telling him to go

00:37:54.160 Isn't it

00:37:55.060 He's the same man

00:37:56.040 Where if our country gets attacked

00:37:57.420 He's going to war

00:37:58.240 So these elements are there

00:38:00.260 Why

00:38:00.560 And it comes back to gratitude

00:38:01.680 If only they saw it

00:38:03.920 And they said

00:38:04.860 Actually look at all these things

00:38:06.440 This man does

00:38:07.040 We're just talking about flower

00:38:07.960 40 pound flower

00:38:08.880 Yeah but

00:38:09.220 Man's putting his life on the line

00:38:10.260 No but it's because women see

00:38:12.180 Where men place their

00:38:14.400 I see where they come from

00:38:15.440 Where men place their importance

00:38:17.860 So if a man in two years

00:38:21.700 Hasn't bought you flowers

00:38:22.920 I was thinking about this

00:38:24.620 I'm a very methodical man

00:38:25.800 I don't know if many people know

00:38:27.360 But I

00:38:27.620 I'll come to it

00:38:30.120 But I was going to say that

00:38:31.180 I spent from when I was about 17 years old

00:38:33.940 Yeah

00:38:34.120 I'm quite methodical when it comes to time

00:38:37.480 I look at how long I spend

00:38:39.660 I started calculating how long

00:38:41.620 Obviously I've been married for 11 years myself

00:38:43.240 So I'm not

00:38:43.880 I'm not far off

00:38:44.680 But I started realizing how long

00:38:46.720 What's the

00:38:47.120 What's the

00:38:47.620 I've started to

00:38:49.380 Look at

00:38:50.300 Let's put it this way

00:38:51.200 How long do I stay in the house

00:38:53.020 Where it becomes problematic for me

00:38:54.420 And for the other person

00:38:56.040 How long does it

00:38:57.280 So

00:38:57.500 I've been playing around on this

00:38:58.780 For a long time right

00:38:59.760 What's that which

00:39:00.580 And well I've not

00:39:01.280 No but you've got to

00:39:02.960 You've got to exclude sleep

00:39:04.100 And other things as well

00:39:05.040 Yeah sleep there's no one's arguing

00:39:06.220 No no

00:39:06.520 Let's just say for the sake of an argument right

00:39:07.840 You've got to find your own balance

00:39:10.240 There's no answer

00:39:10.860 There's no

00:39:11.180 I can tell you like

00:39:11.800 Be 18 hours in the house

00:39:13.020 Or 15 or

00:39:14.220 Per week or whatever

00:39:15.080 Out of 168

00:39:15.920 I'm saying you've got 168 hours in a week

00:39:17.860 You've got to find your balance

00:39:19.260 But what I realize is

00:39:20.260 The power of

00:39:20.860 And this is going to sound very cliche

00:39:22.160 But quality time

00:39:23.500 Like

00:39:23.780 You can

00:39:24.560 You can actually spend 5 hours

00:39:26.080 Or 5 to 10 hours

00:39:27.820 But it's proper quality

00:39:28.760 You're taking her here

00:39:29.960 There

00:39:30.200 Everywhere

00:39:30.560 This and that

00:39:31.040 She's shocked

00:39:31.720 She's a

00:39:32.120 You know

00:39:32.660 The kind of experience you're giving her

00:39:34.840 And the kids and whatever

00:39:36.180 It's better than like

00:39:38.460 Double the time

00:39:39.140 But you're just sitting around

00:39:39.900 Watching something with her

00:39:40.720 You get what I'm trying to say

00:39:41.820 So it's that quality time

00:39:43.060 And there's evidence for this

00:39:44.960 Because

00:39:45.180 Helen Fisher

00:39:46.400 Who's the expert in love

00:39:47.280 Anthropologist

00:39:49.620 And she's

00:39:50.740 She said that

00:39:52.020 When my students come to me

00:39:54.500 And they ask me

00:39:55.880 How

00:39:56.320 Do we increase the love

00:39:57.760 In the relationship

00:39:58.320 Going back to dopamine

00:40:00.220 Not your name

00:40:01.020 But she says that

00:40:02.140 To increase

00:40:02.500 Spike up dopamine

00:40:03.480 You go and do something

00:40:04.980 Like adventurous together

00:40:05.980 Yeah

00:40:06.940 You get what I say

00:40:07.400 So you take the woman

00:40:08.720 Sorry

00:40:09.920 I'm sounding very like

00:40:11.360 Crude here

00:40:12.320 Very crass

00:40:12.820 Spontaneous

00:40:13.320 Take your

00:40:13.720 Spontaneous

00:40:14.480 Spontaneous is king here

00:40:15.080 So you take

00:40:15.920 Sometimes I try and be so spontaneous

00:40:18.160 That even I don't know

00:40:19.020 What I'm going to do

00:40:19.500 Honestly

00:40:21.620 I think what I'm going to do now

00:40:22.500 Let's just do something

00:40:23.060 Boom

00:40:23.900 Let's go here

00:40:24.420 Let's go there

00:40:24.840 Just like that

00:40:25.400 And then it shocks everyone

00:40:26.900 And then she's like

00:40:27.660 She comes back

00:40:28.140 And she'll be okay

00:40:28.640 For two, three weeks

00:40:29.480 Because you've done that

00:40:30.320 Kind of thing

00:40:30.700 So quality time

00:40:32.440 Is very important

00:40:33.120 Physical

00:40:34.540 And we can't really talk about

00:40:35.960 The sisters in front of us

00:40:36.700 I can go into

00:40:37.160 We can have a whole discussion

00:40:38.180 About the intimate

00:40:38.960 Aspect

00:40:39.100 Yeah we should do this

00:40:40.980 But I'm just saying

00:40:41.780 That that's very important

00:40:42.500 And the deen

00:40:43.300 Has a big emphasis on that

00:40:44.780 The hadith that you mentioned

00:40:46.360 About

00:40:46.580 You know that

00:40:48.300 Majority of women

00:40:49.220 Have been in hellfire

00:40:49.900 Because of

00:40:50.380 And so on

00:40:52.080 There's a lot of discussion

00:40:52.820 About the hadith

00:40:53.340 Where did you use

00:40:54.180 Yeah

00:40:54.960 So what I'm saying

00:40:56.860 Is a very famous hadith

00:40:58.100 By Saeed al-Khudri

00:40:59.520 He mentioned

00:40:59.860 Sahih Muslim

00:41:00.500 That majority of women

00:41:01.860 Are going to be in hellfire

00:41:02.440 Because they are

00:41:02.980 Ungrateful to their husbands

00:41:03.780 Right

00:41:04.040 I actually came across

00:41:06.100 Something from

00:41:07.780 A guy called Saqaf

00:41:08.600 It's a big scholar

00:41:09.740 He wrote

00:41:10.520 Mushkil Hadith

00:41:11.300 Like a big hadith collection

00:41:12.780 And he was writing

00:41:14.240 In the 20th century

00:41:14.980 In the beginning of

00:41:15.760 The 20th century

00:41:16.240 And he was doing

00:41:18.080 Sharh of that hadith

00:41:18.700 And he said that

00:41:19.160 Nowadays

00:41:19.640 His view

00:41:20.820 I'm not saying this

00:41:21.400 Is correct or not

00:41:22.000 He's saying that

00:41:22.720 That applied to the woman

00:41:23.680 At the time of the Prophet

00:41:24.320 Muhammad

00:41:24.560 Salaam

00:41:24.920 This is what he said

00:41:26.840 He said that

00:41:27.620 That applied to those women

00:41:28.380 He goes

00:41:28.600 Now

00:41:28.960 Men are more ungrateful

00:41:30.240 Than women

00:41:30.700 He said that

00:41:31.640 Now you'll find that

00:41:32.640 If a man has a terminal illness

00:41:34.300 A woman is more likely

00:41:35.640 To be with him

00:41:36.280 And stay with him

00:41:37.400 Than a man is going to

00:41:38.400 Go and do his own thing

00:41:38.980 I'm just saying

00:41:40.080 Whether or not

00:41:40.560 This is true

00:41:41.140 Is an interesting point

00:41:42.520 But the idea of

00:41:43.860 Kufr al-ashir

00:41:44.820 Is not

00:41:45.240 Or being ungrateful

00:41:47.280 Is not something

00:41:48.680 That's gender specific

00:41:49.420 And I'm not trying to be

00:41:50.400 Whatever it is

00:41:51.260 Actually a man can be

00:41:52.420 Like that as well

00:41:52.880 It's a spiritual disease

00:41:53.660 So ingratitude

00:41:54.760 Is something which

00:41:55.300 Permeates both male

00:41:56.340 And female

00:41:56.840 You know what I mean

00:41:58.500 So that's why

00:41:59.880 There has to be a culture

00:42:00.600 And I like what you said

00:42:01.240 In the beginning

00:42:01.560 Because there has to be

00:42:02.420 A culture of gratitude

00:42:03.160 I try and create that

00:42:04.660 With my children

00:42:05.240 With my wife

00:42:05.840 Whatever

00:42:06.220 I try and create

00:42:07.560 A culture of gratitude

00:42:08.880 With both sides

00:42:09.580 You know what I mean

00:42:10.780 And remind one another

00:42:11.740 Sometimes I would just

00:42:13.320 Like you know

00:42:13.740 I'll sit down with my wife

00:42:14.580 And I'll just be like

00:42:15.240 Look at the blessings we have

00:42:16.780 Let's just go through it

00:42:18.500 Go to the fridge

00:42:19.940 Apple juice

00:42:21.020 Orange juice

00:42:21.460 Water

00:42:21.740 Bro it's a big deal

00:42:23.080 To me

00:42:23.400 People feel entitled

00:42:25.220 So what

00:42:25.780 It's just orange juice

00:42:26.340 But what are you talking about bro

00:42:27.660 The fact

00:42:28.540 Forget that

00:42:29.000 Forget having the juice

00:42:29.600 The fact that I have

00:42:30.260 The ability to taste it

00:42:31.280 The fact that it is good for me

00:42:33.060 Because there was

00:42:34.160 You know Junaid

00:42:35.080 Went to see it yeah

00:42:35.780 Junaid was somebody

00:42:36.780 Who's a multi

00:42:37.340 He's a billionaire

00:42:38.380 He owns half of Kingston yeah

00:42:40.280 The only thing that guy can eat

00:42:42.040 Is vegetables

00:42:42.480 Do you know that

00:42:43.120 Really

00:42:43.500 With relation to what you

00:42:45.280 Your sisters were mentioning

00:42:46.380 About romance

00:42:48.000 And something like flowers

00:42:50.180 For example

00:42:50.720 You'll find that a lot of men today

00:42:52.800 They are feeling

00:42:54.940 Unworthy

00:42:59.780 Inadequate

00:43:01.420 Their self-esteem is attacked

00:43:04.220 Daily

00:43:05.420 And unfortunately

00:43:06.460 I'm slowly starting

00:43:07.940 To change my stance

00:43:08.820 On Andrew Tate

00:43:09.360 Even I love Andrew Tate

00:43:10.360 For the sake of Allah

00:43:11.120 I've even made du'a for him

00:43:12.320 And things of that nature

00:43:13.140 Overall

00:43:15.420 I think that he's been

00:43:16.180 Fantastic for Islam

00:43:17.160 But I'm even starting

00:43:19.340 To have some issues

00:43:20.540 With his message

00:43:21.420 Because

00:43:21.800 Brothers who

00:43:23.220 Are working

00:43:24.260 And

00:43:25.020 Who we would call

00:43:26.660 And would describe

00:43:27.560 As brokies

00:43:28.140 Like they would fit

00:43:28.640 In the brokie category

00:43:29.580 Men are consuming

00:43:32.360 This

00:43:32.760 Content

00:43:33.720 But they know

00:43:34.960 Their wives are also

00:43:35.720 Consuming the same content

00:43:36.880 So what's happening is

00:43:39.140 Is because men

00:43:39.740 Are feeling inadequate

00:43:40.480 They're placing

00:43:41.760 A lot of emphasis

00:43:42.540 On things that

00:43:43.180 Boost their self-esteem

00:43:44.180 And that's why

00:43:45.480 They're working so hard

00:43:46.500 Because

00:43:47.180 Giving you a flower

00:43:48.400 Does not do anything

00:43:49.940 For their self-esteem

00:43:50.800 But

00:43:51.820 Seeing more money

00:43:52.760 In their account

00:43:53.440 For example

00:43:54.460 From their Uber

00:43:55.040 That they did that week

00:43:56.000 That does something

00:43:56.980 For their self-esteem

00:43:57.860 That's something

00:43:58.700 That they feel

00:43:59.180 Their wife

00:43:59.680 Places more value

00:44:00.840 In

00:44:01.560 To how much money

00:44:02.380 They have

00:44:02.860 And makes them

00:44:03.860 Feel better

00:44:04.300 About themselves

00:44:05.580 So that's

00:44:06.200 I firmly believe

00:44:07.540 That that's

00:44:07.900 A lot of the psychology

00:44:08.820 Behind why men

00:44:09.960 Are actually

00:44:11.440 Being neglectful

00:44:12.540 In a romance side

00:44:13.320 Because they feel

00:44:13.860 Like they don't

00:44:14.480 Deserve to be

00:44:15.340 Romantic

00:44:16.100 I need to

00:44:16.940 I'm not happy

00:44:17.620 Where I am

00:44:18.180 I need to get to

00:44:19.560 X, Y and Z

00:44:20.440 So that I feel

00:44:21.080 Good about myself

00:44:22.180 And this ties in

00:44:23.700 Perfectly with what

00:44:24.720 Mohammed Hijab

00:44:25.380 Mentioned

00:44:26.020 About

00:44:26.620 This

00:44:27.540 Quality of

00:44:28.860 Emotional independence

00:44:31.220 Essentially

00:44:32.140 I think the

00:44:32.680 Hadith you might

00:44:33.200 Be referring to

00:44:33.860 Is when you

00:44:34.880 Mentioned about

00:44:35.360 The nobility

00:44:36.240 Of the believers

00:44:36.840 In standing

00:44:37.380 In the night

00:44:37.980 That's the advice

00:44:38.860 That Jibreel

00:44:39.300 Gave to the

00:44:40.220 Prophet

00:44:40.380 I've got that

00:44:41.900 On my Instagram

00:44:42.440 Because I think

00:44:43.020 That that statement

00:44:43.540 Is different level

00:44:45.920 From amongst the

00:44:46.600 Advices that he gave

00:44:47.320 Him was five

00:44:47.860 One is that

00:44:48.740 Love who you will

00:44:49.420 But know that

00:44:49.840 One day you will

00:44:50.480 Leave them

00:44:50.920 Love whoever you want

00:44:55.720 But know that

00:44:56.520 One day you will

00:44:57.160 Leave them

00:44:57.520 Live as you wish

00:44:58.260 But know that

00:44:58.680 One day you will

00:44:59.560 Die

00:44:59.800 The nobility

00:45:00.960 Of the believers

00:45:01.560 In standing

00:45:02.120 In the night

00:45:02.600 In prayer

00:45:02.980 And what

00:45:04.940 Leads to his

00:45:05.780 Or her honour

00:45:06.440 Is in being

00:45:06.980 Free from the

00:45:07.620 Need of people

00:45:08.260 Emotionally

00:45:09.540 Physically

00:45:10.040 Financially

00:45:10.660 You see men

00:45:11.540 Who are confident

00:45:12.220 In themselves

00:45:12.800 This is one of

00:45:13.280 The things I

00:45:13.620 Should have

00:45:13.840 Mentioned before

00:45:14.360 When I speak

00:45:14.700 About what a

00:45:15.160 Man needs

00:45:15.560 And unfortunately

00:45:16.400 A lot of

00:45:16.760 Brothers don't

00:45:17.160 Have it

00:45:17.520 Is they don't

00:45:18.220 Have a strong

00:45:18.700 Self-image

00:45:19.140 Psychology

00:45:19.620 They don't

00:45:20.660 Have a firm

00:45:21.300 Image of who

00:45:22.060 They are

00:45:22.540 Who they want

00:45:23.340 To be

00:45:23.660 They don't

00:45:24.080 Know about

00:45:24.440 The Sahaba

00:45:25.040 They don't

00:45:26.060 Have anything

00:45:26.520 Solid to

00:45:27.500 Stick to

00:45:28.460 Like imagine

00:45:29.340 Like a spear

00:45:29.920 Going up like

00:45:30.500 This and it's

00:45:30.900 Just and that

00:45:31.600 Spear is your

00:45:32.320 Inspiration

00:45:32.980 That's your

00:45:33.340 Ali

00:45:33.580 That's your

00:45:33.980 Zubair

00:45:34.340 That's your

00:45:34.700 Prophet

00:45:34.900 And you like

00:45:36.020 Stick to it

00:45:36.700 They don't

00:45:37.540 Really have that

00:45:38.120 So they're

00:45:38.400 All over the

00:45:38.880 Place

00:45:39.200 They have

00:45:41.020 This red pill

00:45:41.920 Their thing is

00:45:43.420 Now bro

00:45:43.820 Red pill

00:45:44.320 And yeah

00:45:44.720 Sleeping around

00:45:45.480 And all this

00:45:46.140 They're trying

00:45:47.080 To cling to

00:45:47.540 Something but

00:45:48.880 They don't have

00:45:49.300 Something solid

00:45:49.900 To cling to

00:45:50.480 But however

00:45:50.900 If they was

00:45:51.440 A person

00:45:51.860 Who had a

00:45:52.700 Self-image

00:45:53.320 Psychology

00:45:53.820 They knew

00:45:54.380 Who they

00:45:54.720 Was

00:45:54.960 They was

00:45:55.500 Confident in

00:45:56.080 Themselves

00:45:56.440 Their self-esteem

00:45:57.180 Was pretty

00:45:57.620 Solid

00:45:57.920 They would

00:45:58.840 Feel okay

00:45:59.540 To not have

00:46:00.440 So much

00:46:02.040 And they

00:46:02.440 Would be

00:46:02.700 Able to

00:46:03.160 Open their

00:46:03.700 Minds up

00:46:04.260 To their

00:46:04.960 Wife's

00:46:05.740 Emotions

00:46:06.460 Be like

00:46:06.700 Okay yeah

00:46:07.080 Let me get

00:46:07.460 Her a rose

00:46:08.000 Because he's

00:46:08.900 Confident within

00:46:09.500 Themselves

00:46:09.880 But a lot

00:46:10.240 Of men are

00:46:10.580 Chasing

00:46:10.980 Because they

00:46:11.840 Don't feel

00:46:12.240 Good about

00:46:12.640 Themselves

00:46:13.220 And then

00:46:14.880 Very often

00:46:15.420 Unfortunately

00:46:15.960 As I do

00:46:16.480 Have to add

00:46:16.960 Women will

00:46:19.440 Sometimes complain

00:46:20.240 About certain

00:46:20.760 Things with

00:46:21.100 Relation to

00:46:21.620 Finances

00:46:22.000 So they feel

00:46:22.460 Like they

00:46:22.740 Can't even

00:46:23.180 Do it

00:46:23.460 Even more

00:46:23.940 There's that

00:46:25.100 There's that

00:46:25.780 Pressure

00:46:25.980 Or maybe

00:46:26.380 If a wife

00:46:26.780 Was letting

00:46:27.400 Her husband

00:46:27.820 Know that

00:46:28.120 She's so

00:46:28.480 Happy with

00:46:28.980 The little

00:46:29.480 That he

00:46:29.820 Has

00:46:30.020 Or whatever

00:46:30.660 He has

00:46:31.120 He would

00:46:32.280 Be

00:46:32.440 I know

00:46:35.520 Of two

00:46:36.040 Marriages

00:46:36.520 I know

00:46:36.880 Of two

00:46:37.260 Marriages

00:46:37.700 Two marriages

00:46:38.540 One more

00:46:39.140 Specifically

00:46:39.540 That have

00:46:40.720 Ended

00:46:41.200 Due to the

00:46:41.780 Husband

00:46:42.040 Doing too

00:46:42.460 Much work

00:46:42.920 One of

00:46:43.260 Them his

00:46:43.540 Wife was

00:46:43.920 In Egypt

00:46:44.340 His family

00:46:44.900 Was there

00:46:45.340 And he

00:46:46.900 Would come

00:46:47.320 And go

00:46:47.660 But he

00:46:48.100 Would spend

00:46:48.480 Four months

00:46:49.060 Here and

00:46:49.400 One month

00:46:49.800 There

00:46:50.080 Because he

00:46:51.580 Wants to be

00:46:52.260 A particular

00:46:52.960 Person he

00:46:53.600 Wants to feel

00:46:54.220 That way

00:46:54.800 About himself

00:46:55.220 And another

00:46:55.640 Who did the

00:46:56.120 Same thing

00:46:56.580 And the

00:46:57.140 Marriage ended

00:46:57.680 And they're

00:46:58.280 Not happy

00:46:58.620 About it

00:46:58.960 But they're

00:46:59.280 Working

00:46:59.500 Because when

00:47:00.120 I went to

00:47:00.420 Dubai

00:47:00.700 A lot of

00:47:01.220 The taxi

00:47:01.900 Drivers

00:47:02.220 They're from

00:47:02.560 These countries

00:47:03.660 And if you

00:47:04.920 Look at it

00:47:05.340 I know

00:47:06.300 We're talking

00:47:06.600 About how to

00:47:06.860 Be a good

00:47:07.060 Muslim husband

00:47:07.480 But if you

00:47:07.760 Think about it

00:47:08.200 Bro

00:47:08.300 These men

00:47:08.960 Are without

00:47:09.340 Their wives

00:47:09.940 They are

00:47:11.420 They do not

00:47:12.280 I spoke to

00:47:13.100 Some of them

00:47:13.300 I said

00:47:13.440 When do you

00:47:13.700 Go see your

00:47:14.220 Wife

00:47:14.380 Once a year

00:47:15.860 And I was

00:47:16.120 Thinking once

00:47:16.600 A year

00:47:16.880 Bro

00:47:17.520 This number

00:47:17.960 One as a

00:47:18.400 Man is a

00:47:18.800 Fitna

00:47:19.080 Fitna

00:47:20.000 And then

00:47:20.480 You're

00:47:20.740 Working

00:47:21.080 Providing

00:47:22.040 It's like

00:47:22.720 The sacrifice

00:47:23.260 It does

00:47:23.540 But again

00:47:23.920 The topic

00:47:24.440 Is

00:47:24.680 But it's

00:47:24.960 Not necessary

00:47:25.640 Is it

00:47:27.220 It's not

00:47:27.840 Necessary

00:47:28.440 What do you

00:47:28.700 Mean by that

00:47:29.040 Because the

00:47:29.400 Thing is

00:47:29.680 If there

00:47:30.000 Was job

00:47:30.380 Opportunities

00:47:30.960 They would

00:47:31.260 Not be

00:47:31.500 Going

00:47:31.620 If you're

00:47:32.480 Telling me

00:47:32.820 He's

00:47:32.980 Going

00:47:33.200 There

00:47:33.420 Once

00:47:33.800 A year

00:47:34.240 It's

00:47:34.680 Extreme

00:47:35.060 No

00:47:35.300 No

00:47:35.400 If it's

00:47:35.740 Like I

00:47:36.100 Want an

00:47:36.420 Extra

00:47:36.700 I need

00:47:37.040 More

00:47:37.200 Money

00:47:37.460 Then of

00:47:37.940 Course

00:47:38.080 There's

00:47:38.280 Dulum

00:47:45.860 Like we're

00:47:46.660 Speaking of

00:47:47.400 You know

00:47:48.400 I completely

00:47:49.000 Agree with

00:47:49.700 What Jibreel

00:47:50.380 Was saying

00:47:50.860 In regards

00:47:51.520 To

00:47:51.980 You know

00:47:53.200 The red

00:47:54.800 Pill

00:47:55.100 Ideologies

00:47:56.020 And

00:47:56.660 That's what

00:47:57.600 I said

00:47:57.900 In the last

00:47:58.380 Episode

00:47:58.820 About

00:47:59.340 Our youth

00:48:00.820 And our

00:48:01.120 Men and

00:48:01.680 Boys

00:48:01.960 Need to

00:48:02.780 Stick to

00:48:03.380 The sunnah

00:48:03.920 The Quran

00:48:04.400 The sahaba

00:48:05.220 To have

00:48:05.760 That inspiration

00:48:06.540 From them

00:48:07.240 Rather than

00:48:08.260 These red

00:48:08.860 Pill

00:48:09.160 People

00:48:09.800 Because

00:48:10.220 It's not

00:48:11.660 The same

00:48:12.180 We get

00:48:12.980 Our guidance

00:48:13.600 And everything

00:48:14.140 From Islam

00:48:14.860 And

00:48:15.560 Your masculinity

00:48:16.700 And confidence

00:48:17.900 Will all come

00:48:18.680 From Islam

00:48:19.860 The women need

00:48:20.960 To be careful

00:48:21.480 Of it as well

00:48:21.960 I even had a

00:48:22.700 Conversation

00:48:23.220 A sister was

00:48:23.800 I was trying

00:48:24.420 To put someone

00:48:25.240 Together

00:48:25.560 An Afghan

00:48:27.020 That I knew

00:48:27.860 And another

00:48:28.340 Afghan

00:48:28.740 And the sister

00:48:30.800 Said you know

00:48:31.240 I need to get

00:48:31.700 Me like an

00:48:32.080 Andrew Tate

00:48:33.080 And she's like

00:48:33.640 Five foot one

00:48:34.380 Five foot one

00:48:35.620 Not a supermodel

00:48:37.440 And she's talking

00:48:37.900 About I need

00:48:38.360 Five foot one

00:48:39.060 But this is the thing

00:48:41.140 We don't quantify

00:48:42.140 Ourselves with that

00:48:43.340 Sort of thing

00:48:44.340 At the end of the day

00:48:45.460 I'm not being funny

00:48:47.320 But the Prophet

00:48:48.940 Muhammad

00:48:49.260 Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam

00:48:49.820 Preferred to be

00:48:50.800 With the poor

00:48:51.440 That's what I'm saying

00:48:53.040 If we follow

00:48:53.940 The sunnah

00:48:55.360 And stuff

00:48:55.720 And I find myself

00:48:56.580 Sometimes being

00:48:57.440 Ungrateful

00:48:58.040 But I have to

00:48:59.040 Remind myself

00:49:00.020 It's a continual

00:49:01.260 Battle

00:49:01.640 That we have to

00:49:02.640 Continue to remind

00:49:03.580 Ourselves

00:49:04.040 I have to humble

00:49:05.240 Myself

00:49:05.800 To admit

00:49:07.860 I find myself

00:49:08.840 Being ungrateful

00:49:09.300 As well

00:49:09.580 Just yesterday

00:49:10.260 I was thinking

00:49:10.620 About it

00:49:11.480 You know

00:49:11.780 I was thinking

00:49:12.240 Like I'm quite

00:49:13.380 Ungrateful

00:49:13.840 But the fact

00:49:14.820 That you have

00:49:15.240 That impulse

00:49:15.740 That self impulse

00:49:16.480 That you can

00:49:17.000 Check yourself

00:49:17.620 That's actually

00:49:18.560 It's good

00:49:19.480 Because if you

00:49:20.780 Are deluded

00:49:21.220 To the fact

00:49:21.860 That's where

00:49:22.760 You have a real

00:49:23.160 Problem

00:49:23.440 A lot of people

00:49:24.780 Men and women

00:49:25.520 Are deluded

00:49:25.940 To the fact

00:49:26.380 That they have

00:49:26.760 A problem

00:49:28.520 With gratitude

00:49:29.740 And do you know

00:49:30.160 What it is

00:49:30.460 Is that

00:49:30.800 You'll find

00:49:31.820 A lot

00:49:32.160 In what would

00:49:33.640 Seem to be

00:49:34.320 From the outside

00:49:34.820 Insecure people

00:49:35.660 And I'll tell you

00:49:36.160 What I mean by that

00:49:36.740 If someone is

00:49:38.120 Insecure

00:49:38.700 Insecure means

00:49:40.280 They're not secure

00:49:41.020 In what they have

00:49:41.560 Right

00:49:41.760 For example

00:49:42.700 They may be

00:49:44.480 Insecure about

00:49:44.860 Their looks

00:49:45.220 A man and a woman

00:49:46.580 Let's say it affects

00:49:47.280 Women disproportionately

00:49:48.040 Because of the

00:49:48.540 Modern age

00:49:49.000 Or whatever

00:49:49.320 A man might be

00:49:51.180 Very insecure

00:49:51.740 About his finances

00:49:52.460 Insecure

00:49:53.220 Insecure

00:49:53.600 Insecure

00:49:53.980 I think you can't

00:49:55.200 Really be fully

00:49:55.980 Insecure

00:49:56.520 Without being

00:49:57.460 Partly ungrateful

00:49:58.660 I'll tell you why

00:49:59.360 Because

00:50:00.360 For you to say

00:50:02.380 That you know

00:50:03.080 Alhamdulillah

00:50:04.640 And say

00:50:05.340 Al-shukru

00:50:05.880 Like

00:50:06.460 You know

00:50:07.740 Thanks be to

00:50:08.820 Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

00:50:09.420 Isas billi

00:50:10.340 A'tiraf bin ni'mah

00:50:11.180 You need to know

00:50:12.500 That which is

00:50:13.060 Admission that

00:50:13.720 The ni'mah is there

00:50:14.520 So for example

00:50:15.640 If you can't even

00:50:16.380 Admit that you have

00:50:17.360 Certain characteristics

00:50:19.000 That physical characteristics

00:50:20.260 And then all

00:50:21.860 That you've been given

00:50:22.940 Like for example

00:50:23.480 Certain finances

00:50:24.240 Or certain position

00:50:24.940 In life

00:50:25.340 Then your insecurity

00:50:27.440 Is actually

00:50:28.120 Blame worthy

00:50:28.840 From an Islamic perspective

00:50:30.160 Because

00:50:31.360 There's a partial

00:50:32.720 Negation of the ni'mah

00:50:33.880 Of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

00:50:34.580 How can you

00:50:35.320 Be so insecure

00:50:36.420 Like a lot of people

00:50:37.100 Look in the mirror

00:50:37.540 And they'll think

00:50:38.400 It's humbleness

00:50:38.880 It's not humbleness

00:50:39.480 When you say

00:50:40.100 Look I'm a very ugly person

00:50:41.180 I don't even consider myself

00:50:42.300 To be so nice

00:50:42.900 Look at this

00:50:43.320 I've got this and that

00:50:44.560 I've got these issues

00:50:45.240 Whatever

00:50:45.580 Then you don't know

00:50:47.160 The worth of what

00:50:47.780 You've been given

00:50:48.320 You've got body dysmorphia

00:50:49.680 Like that's the big thing

00:50:50.780 That is

00:50:51.080 Body dysmorphia

00:50:52.200 A part of that is

00:50:53.580 You're not grateful

00:50:54.620 For what you actually have

00:50:55.620 Like there's men and women

00:50:57.840 Of all types of

00:50:58.580 Shapes, sizes and ages

00:50:59.780 Yeah

00:51:00.280 And there's a market

00:51:01.320 For each

00:51:01.780 Like you were talking

00:51:02.540 About five foot

00:51:03.060 I don't know

00:51:03.400 Five foot one

00:51:04.000 Yeah

00:51:04.140 There's a market

00:51:04.860 For five foot one women

00:51:05.580 Yeah

00:51:05.860 You know

00:51:06.360 I know

00:51:07.240 I know friends of mine

00:51:08.080 Who are very interested

00:51:09.100 In small

00:51:09.780 Petit

00:51:10.320 Like five foot one

00:51:11.740 Women

00:51:12.140 And I know friends of mine

00:51:13.600 Who are actually interested

00:51:15.000 But they cannot handle that

00:51:16.160 At all

00:51:16.820 There's no chance

00:51:17.360 That they'll be

00:51:17.640 With a five foot one woman

00:51:18.480 In fact they want

00:51:19.540 Quite a big woman

00:51:20.320 And there's a massive market

00:51:22.040 For that

00:51:22.480 You know what I'm saying

00:51:23.460 So people need to know

00:51:24.720 That what you have

00:51:25.720 You might not think

00:51:27.040 It's a blessing

00:51:28.580 But it's a blessing

00:51:29.160 To someone

00:51:29.780 Yeah

00:51:30.140 Do not wish

00:51:34.700 What the other one has

00:51:36.060 You know

00:51:37.060 Allah has given

00:51:38.860 Something to everyone

00:51:39.660 And insecurity

00:51:40.700 Is a big issue

00:51:41.480 With marriages

00:51:41.980 But the solution

00:51:43.280 To insecurity

00:51:44.000 Is gratitude

00:51:45.300 Actually

00:51:45.820 And that goes back

00:51:47.940 To what you were saying

00:51:48.500 In the beginning

00:51:48.840 Sorry can I make a point

00:51:50.080 Actually just

00:51:50.840 On that point

00:51:52.800 The other day

00:51:53.820 I went to go

00:51:54.560 I think this is

00:51:55.580 Very important

00:51:56.500 For men

00:51:57.260 To deal with that issue

00:51:58.460 Actually

00:51:58.900 I went with my mum

00:52:00.600 To visit my dad's grave

00:52:02.040 And I think

00:52:03.920 That is so important

00:52:05.040 For everyone

00:52:05.640 To do

00:52:06.560 Regularly

00:52:08.060 If they can

00:52:08.800 Go and visit the dead

00:52:10.860 Because you'll realise

00:52:12.860 That actually

00:52:14.180 That is

00:52:15.320 What's promised

00:52:16.640 And there's no difference

00:52:19.160 Between who is poor

00:52:20.720 Who is rich

00:52:21.980 Who was young

00:52:23.360 Who was old

00:52:24.680 Inevitably

00:52:25.900 That's where we're going

00:52:26.660 To end up

00:52:27.320 So realistically

00:52:28.420 What are we actually

00:52:30.200 Chasing for

00:52:31.560 What are we dying for

00:52:32.740 In this dunya

00:52:33.700 It doesn't matter

00:52:34.560 You know

00:52:35.380 My mum

00:52:36.060 Is looking at

00:52:37.280 Her husband

00:52:37.980 In the grave

00:52:38.940 There's no

00:52:39.820 Five foot one

00:52:40.540 Five foot six

00:52:41.360 Nothing

00:52:41.760 You know

00:52:42.780 He's gone to

00:52:43.460 His creator

00:52:44.380 So I think

00:52:45.720 We need to

00:52:46.340 Humble ourselves

00:52:47.100 To that level

00:52:48.200 To realise

00:52:49.540 Actually

00:52:50.380 What is this

00:52:52.160 Self-worth

00:52:53.120 There needs to be

00:52:54.620 A lot of humility

00:52:55.340 All around

00:52:56.620 I just think

00:52:57.080 Personally

00:52:57.500 All around

00:52:58.180 Big time

00:52:59.040 Do you want to say something

00:53:00.260 Yeah I was just going to say

00:53:01.500 It's also about

00:53:02.920 You know

00:53:03.840 Adapting

00:53:05.480 And making it easy

00:53:06.340 For your husband

00:53:07.100 So if he's going out

00:53:08.080 To work

00:53:08.360 And being a provider

00:53:09.000 And working really long hours

00:53:10.220 And you're thinking

00:53:10.740 Oh I haven't got my

00:53:11.780 Rose

00:53:12.600 This year

00:53:13.420 Yeah

00:53:13.980 Then you've got to

00:53:15.220 Adapt yourself

00:53:15.820 And think

00:53:16.340 Okay well

00:53:17.180 You know

00:53:17.780 Realistically

00:53:18.440 What you know

00:53:19.620 What might be

00:53:20.500 Going through his head

00:53:21.740 That has made him forget

00:53:22.640 Well he's working all the time

00:53:23.920 So maybe

00:53:24.760 You know

00:53:25.160 Communication is a very

00:53:26.360 Important factor

00:53:27.300 In a successful

00:53:29.000 Marriage

00:53:29.860 So you could

00:53:30.760 You know

00:53:31.200 Lightly communicate it

00:53:32.920 But also don't have

00:53:34.420 Expectations

00:53:35.340 Are unrealistic

00:53:36.120 Based on his hard work

00:53:37.640 For the family

00:53:38.700 And for you

00:53:39.400 So that's

00:53:40.500 One point

00:53:41.180 But also

00:53:41.740 As well

00:53:42.320 I think

00:53:42.800 You know

00:53:43.600 Because of a lot

00:53:44.200 Of the sisters

00:53:44.640 And a lot

00:53:45.140 Of the marriages

00:53:45.680 These days

00:53:46.600 The wives

00:53:47.780 Are also working

00:53:48.600 So I think

00:53:49.400 There's that dynamic

00:53:50.820 To the relationship

00:53:52.060 Where you know

00:53:53.720 You know

00:53:54.760 Some wives feel

00:53:55.800 That their husbands

00:53:57.180 Are not being that grateful

00:53:58.280 So it works

00:53:59.140 Both ways

00:54:00.320 Because

00:54:00.680 Especially if she's also

00:54:02.180 Trying to fulfil her

00:54:03.900 You know

00:54:04.580 What she

00:54:05.200 You know

00:54:06.400 Role in the house

00:54:07.700 And she's working

00:54:09.120 Full time

00:54:09.820 And then coming home

00:54:10.640 And thinking

00:54:11.080 I'm trying to be

00:54:11.620 A good wife

00:54:12.120 So I'm going to

00:54:13.220 You know

00:54:13.440 Make it easy

00:54:14.020 For my husband

00:54:14.600 And my family

00:54:15.360 And my kids

00:54:16.060 Then there's that

00:54:17.180 Element as well

00:54:18.400 So the expectation

00:54:19.940 Obviously

00:54:20.400 Is going to be

00:54:21.900 The very minimum

00:54:22.680 But perhaps a bit more

00:54:23.840 Because she feels like

00:54:25.100 Maybe you know

00:54:25.720 I'm going above

00:54:26.740 And beyond as well

00:54:27.720 So it's

00:54:28.700 You've got to assess

00:54:29.760 The situation

00:54:30.540 And you've got to

00:54:31.560 Be adaptable

00:54:32.100 In my opinion

00:54:32.680 You know

00:54:33.260 You know

00:54:33.540 What I think

00:54:33.880 The cross of the matter

00:54:34.500 Is

00:54:34.680 And it all goes back

00:54:35.520 You know

00:54:35.800 When we talk

00:54:36.120 About Tawheed

00:54:36.720 People have

00:54:38.080 This perspective

00:54:38.460 Tawheed is

00:54:39.000 I go and pray

00:54:39.620 Salah

00:54:39.900 And I say

00:54:40.740 Allah is one

00:54:41.240 That's my Tawheed

00:54:42.120 You cannot be

00:54:43.760 So far away

00:54:44.380 That's a part

00:54:45.300 Of Tawheed

00:54:45.800 If you want

00:54:47.220 To give

00:54:47.620 The rights

00:54:48.060 Of your wife

00:54:48.700 You first

00:54:49.500 Give the rights

00:54:49.960 Of Allah

00:54:50.300 Because bro

00:54:51.240 When you fix

00:54:51.720 Your relationship

00:54:52.060 With Allah

00:54:52.480 From the get go

00:54:53.700 If you're a man

00:54:54.260 Of taqwa

00:54:54.760 You're a man

00:54:55.760 Who praises Salah

00:54:56.520 You are God conscious

00:54:57.640 How do you think

00:54:58.800 You're going to be

00:54:59.240 Towards your wife

00:54:59.800 Do you get it

00:55:01.060 So people work

00:55:02.260 The other way around

00:55:02.780 Like yeah

00:55:03.080 I need to go

00:55:03.420 To a marriage course

00:55:04.000 And they're going

00:55:04.280 How can I be

00:55:04.860 What do women like

00:55:05.560 And this stuff

00:55:05.840 Forget all this nonsense

00:55:06.600 Yeah we know this as well

00:55:07.400 But if you have

00:55:08.600 A relationship

00:55:09.100 With Allah

00:55:09.520 And you have that

00:55:11.640 You know

00:55:11.860 Allah gives you

00:55:12.440 The Tawheed

00:55:13.000 You have Taqwa

00:55:13.700 You know

00:55:14.360 When it comes to your eyes

00:55:15.340 What you listen to

00:55:16.280 What you speak

00:55:17.180 Where you walk to

00:55:18.080 Aki

00:55:18.760 You are basically

00:55:20.160 When you fix that

00:55:21.480 You are fixing

00:55:22.840 You're basically

00:55:23.520 Becoming the dream

00:55:24.740 Husband

00:55:25.780 In your wife's eyes

00:55:26.980 And if she did the same

00:55:28.580 That is what I'm talking about

00:55:30.280 Where you

00:55:30.840 You are conscious

00:55:31.660 Because then you know

00:55:32.740 That you wouldn't want

00:55:33.580 To violate her rights

00:55:34.380 Because one of the things

00:55:35.440 Islam emphasizes on

00:55:36.600 Is the haq

00:55:37.120 Of someone else

00:55:37.680 That's why the Salaf

00:55:38.740 Would say

00:55:39.020 We would stand in front of Allah

00:55:40.120 With 70 sins

00:55:40.960 Between us and him

00:55:41.760 But not with somebody

00:55:43.100 That we wrong

00:55:43.600 So much so

00:55:44.520 The Prophet Muhammad

00:55:45.120 Peace be upon him

00:55:45.640 Would refuse burial

00:55:46.620 Of an individual

00:55:47.520 Who owed debt

00:55:48.260 Why the haq

00:55:49.620 Of individuals

00:55:50.200 What about the haq

00:55:51.140 Of your wife

00:55:51.620 What about you are oppressing

00:55:53.000 And I hear stories bro

00:55:54.860 Where men are oppressing

00:55:56.660 Their wives to a level

00:55:57.560 Forget the basic haq bro

00:55:58.900 At least making her work

00:56:00.820 For his lifestyle

00:56:01.740 With the second or third wife

00:56:03.400 Whatever

00:56:03.640 This is a reality

00:56:05.240 That's happening

00:56:05.680 Bro

00:56:06.520 Wallahi

00:56:06.940 Have mercy

00:56:08.420 Wallahi

00:56:09.220 Simple stuff

00:56:10.080 Like for example bro

00:56:11.160 You're going

00:56:11.820 What's your wife's favourite drink

00:56:13.200 Cranberry

00:56:13.920 On the way

00:56:15.060 I'm gonna get cranberry

00:56:15.880 Bro do you know

00:56:16.340 How much you mean for her

00:56:17.020 The fact that you thought about it

00:56:18.420 Bro it's simple

00:56:18.960 One pound fifty

00:56:19.840 Or two pound

00:56:20.180 Whatever

00:56:20.440 It's something so simple

00:56:22.080 Argument's sake

00:56:23.020 Your wife comes and says

00:56:24.460 My feet are hurting

00:56:25.340 How many men will do this

00:56:26.560 Come on

00:56:27.220 Give your feet massage

00:56:27.700 No no

00:56:28.880 Look look

00:56:29.140 Let me be honest

00:56:29.780 People have this perception

00:56:30.760 You know what

00:56:31.480 I want to give my wife

00:56:32.260 A feet massage

00:56:32.820 Yeah

00:56:33.300 Where's the

00:56:33.700 What is it

00:56:33.960 The coconut oil

00:56:34.600 What oil is it

00:56:35.140 Yeah

00:56:35.280 Choose the oil

00:56:36.120 No problem

00:56:36.900 Yeah

00:56:37.080 Why not

00:56:38.500 This is where the red pill

00:56:40.320 And this like

00:56:40.760 Lavender's quite good

00:56:41.500 Huh

00:56:41.700 Yeah

00:56:42.240 We learn from the chaps

00:56:43.620 We learn from the chaps

00:56:46.060 Yeah

00:56:46.700 I'm gonna oil

00:56:47.980 Yeah

00:56:50.220 Make sure it's organic

00:56:51.140 Yeah

00:56:51.400 So the point is what

00:56:53.100 Do you not feel

00:56:54.320 That you're less of a man

00:56:55.920 When you do this stuff

00:56:57.000 Especially coming from this

00:56:57.860 Filth red pill

00:56:58.980 That

00:56:59.460 No my wife

00:57:00.400 No Aki

00:57:01.240 Have mercy man

00:57:02.700 This is your wife

00:57:03.540 The men who follow

00:57:04.400 Red pill

00:57:04.840 Have like hardcore

00:57:06.180 They're the most insecure

00:57:07.480 Insecure

00:57:07.880 Yes

00:57:08.240 That's without a doubt

00:57:10.680 That's without a doubt

00:57:11.580 Crazy

00:57:12.600 Can I say something

00:57:14.660 Let's

00:57:14.980 Can I say something

00:57:16.560 I think we're talking a lot here

00:57:18.100 And it is quite surface

00:57:19.120 I think we need to understand

00:57:20.140 Human behaviour

00:57:20.840 And when it comes to human behaviour

00:57:22.680 That's what you hear

00:57:23.400 Sister Fahima

00:57:23.880 Come on

00:57:24.180 We adapt very quickly

00:57:26.020 To our surroundings

00:57:27.020 Environments

00:57:27.660 And what we're exposed to

00:57:28.720 And unfortunately

00:57:29.220 We do not have

00:57:30.400 Those so-called influences

00:57:32.140 That we can look up to today

00:57:33.960 As role models

00:57:34.720 So that we can actually

00:57:35.600 Go into the right path

00:57:36.660 Because the thing is

00:57:37.460 Let me tell you something

00:57:37.960 No you're not following me

00:57:38.940 Probably then sister

00:57:39.780 Yeah

00:57:40.240 I talk a variety of stuff

00:57:41.740 Yeah

00:57:41.860 And recently

00:57:42.720 I've been heavily emphasising

00:57:44.180 On this stuff as well

00:57:45.300 But the thing is

00:57:46.080 The reason why

00:57:46.580 Is because

00:57:46.940 Let me tell you something

00:57:47.520 I don't want to

00:57:48.280 We did a segment here

00:57:49.440 You're actually making

00:57:50.380 No self-esteem

00:57:51.600 Of men that don't even have

00:57:52.720 The kind of body

00:57:53.400 That they may have

00:57:54.140 No no no

00:57:54.540 But the thing is

00:57:55.040 They should get up

00:57:55.660 I'm so sorry

00:57:56.380 A man that's sleeping on his sofa

00:57:57.420 The point is this though

00:57:58.520 I don't want to be

00:57:59.100 An irresponsible public figure

00:58:00.720 You know why

00:58:01.140 Because I don't want to go

00:58:02.060 And say

00:58:02.280 Oh me and my wife

00:58:02.980 Look where we're going

00:58:03.640 No no I'm so sorry

00:58:04.820 You know why

00:58:05.240 Because that is not true

00:58:06.520 I don't mean that

00:58:06.740 I don't mean that

00:58:07.340 I mean on a personal level

00:58:08.800 Like for me

00:58:09.660 I just know

00:58:10.520 In order for me

00:58:11.560 Like how you're saying

00:58:12.340 To get closer to Allah

00:58:13.320 Subhanahu wa ta'ala

00:58:14.000 To have fear

00:58:14.860 Unfortunately

00:58:15.980 People don't understand

00:58:17.300 That psychology does go in

00:58:18.640 With Islam

00:58:19.400 We just don't talk about it

00:58:20.340 It is only the science

00:58:21.540 The psychology is to be mindful

00:58:24.140 And to practice

00:58:25.240 When you practice

00:58:26.280 That brings that

00:58:27.140 Reminder for gratefulness

00:58:28.740 And contentment

00:58:29.420 And it reminds you

00:58:30.600 As your rights

00:58:31.720 And everything else

00:58:32.520 That you need to do

00:58:33.140 We don't have that routine

00:58:35.260 We don't have that way

00:58:36.740 Of being

00:58:37.080 I cannot leave the house

00:58:38.700 Without reading Surah Yasin

00:58:40.020 Or a page of Quran

00:58:41.220 Every day for the last

00:58:42.560 How many years

00:58:43.320 I have to wake up

00:58:44.400 Whatever time I have to

00:58:45.360 For you know

00:58:46.360 But no people will pick on

00:58:47.700 You know how I look

00:58:48.760 But at the end of the day

00:58:49.520 Those are the things

00:58:50.440 That are more important

00:58:52.160 And it's also obligatory

00:58:53.780 And it changes

00:58:54.740 My personality character

00:58:56.100 And how I see things

00:58:57.820 And I think when I'm coaching

00:58:59.340 I coach from all backgrounds

00:59:00.640 All parts of you know

00:59:01.780 The world

00:59:02.220 And whatever it is

00:59:02.960 I'm the you know

00:59:03.800 Relationship coach

00:59:04.520 Who has over 4 million

00:59:06.580 Subscribers

00:59:07.740 And I get a lot of people

00:59:09.160 Coming to me

00:59:09.620 From all different backgrounds

00:59:10.540 So it's not my personal experience

00:59:12.080 It is from a variety of things

00:59:14.380 And people get triggered

00:59:15.140 When I speak

00:59:15.720 But I'm not speaking

00:59:16.340 From my personal experience

00:59:17.320 It's because I'm hearing

00:59:18.360 To hundreds and thousands

00:59:19.720 Of women and men

00:59:20.800 With these issues

00:59:21.780 And for me

00:59:22.420 Especially when I'm coaching

00:59:23.460 Muslims

00:59:24.320 I'm like

00:59:24.980 Check yourself

00:59:26.400 What is it that you're doing

00:59:27.520 Don't tell me the terminology

00:59:28.500 How is that showing up

00:59:29.720 For you in your lifestyle

00:59:30.920 When you're saying

00:59:32.060 You are doing what you're doing

00:59:33.680 How is that showing up

00:59:35.000 For you

00:59:35.540 When you are practicing

00:59:36.620 In your daily life

00:59:37.320 Because it's not just Salah

00:59:38.140 It's in between your Salah

00:59:39.360 That it has to actually show up

00:59:41.220 Two things

00:59:41.980 And I think that

00:59:42.520 We're not doing that

00:59:43.280 And we don't have

00:59:43.900 The real influences out there

00:59:45.180 First thing

00:59:45.560 Can you give me the Nasir

00:59:46.280 That you said

00:59:46.800 That I'm not doing much of

00:59:47.560 So I can work on that

00:59:48.240 Number two

00:59:48.680 No no I didn't mean like that

00:59:49.540 No no no

00:59:50.200 It's not enough to mean

00:59:51.000 It's if you believe that

00:59:52.040 As a social public figure

00:59:53.240 I'm lacking on something

00:59:53.920 I would like to work on that

00:59:54.840 So it's totally fine

00:59:55.500 Number two

00:59:56.200 You mentioned a website

00:59:58.320 I don't

00:59:59.620 I'm going to

01:00:00.380 You can cut that off

01:00:01.140 Sorry

01:00:01.440 What you're doing

01:00:03.080 I trust you

01:00:03.960 Masha'i may Allah bless you

01:00:06.000 But yeah

01:00:06.960 I would

01:00:07.400 Just for that reason

01:00:09.000 Sorry

01:00:09.620 Can I

01:00:10.080 I'm just going to beat that one

01:00:10.500 Inshallah

01:00:10.720 But can you just tell me

01:00:11.560 When you were saying that

01:00:12.380 Can you tell me personally

01:00:13.560 What do you mean like

01:00:14.120 You know you said

01:00:14.500 I always talk about

01:00:15.060 But what is it that

01:00:15.760 I can add on to it

01:00:16.360 Because I think that

01:00:17.000 People are not showing

01:00:18.000 The struggles of life

01:00:19.280 And what actually helps them

01:00:21.020 Through that struggle

01:00:21.740 And for me

01:00:22.480 It is actually

01:00:23.600 You know

01:00:24.120 The striving

01:00:25.180 And going through

01:00:26.120 The challenge

01:00:26.660 And adversity

01:00:27.460 Not just the outcome

01:00:28.860 But the journey

01:00:29.720 And that journey

01:00:30.640 Is really

01:00:31.680 You know

01:00:32.140 Being in that

01:00:33.040 Sort of adversity

01:00:33.880 And challenge

01:00:34.660 And then saying

01:00:35.440 You know what

01:00:35.840 It is about trust

01:00:37.000 It is about

01:00:37.500 Okay in Islam

01:00:38.500 It's about

01:00:38.920 You know

01:00:39.200 It's like

01:00:39.740 You know

01:00:39.940 Having Tawakul

01:00:40.680 But in psychology

01:00:41.840 It's having the law

01:00:42.800 Of attraction

01:00:43.240 And manifestation

01:00:43.840 Okay

01:00:44.560 We can translate that

01:00:45.560 If we wanted to

01:00:46.340 But at the same time

01:00:47.340 We're not talking about

01:00:48.400 These sort of

01:00:48.900 Psychological things

01:00:49.980 That we have to do

01:00:50.740 As humans

01:00:51.540 Every day

01:00:52.580 In our lives

01:00:53.520 To check ourselves

01:00:54.280 It's not about

01:00:54.940 Oh we have to

01:00:55.640 Understand a man

01:00:56.460 And a woman

01:00:56.940 It will come naturally

01:00:58.520 When you are

01:00:59.760 Seeking

01:01:00.600 You know

01:01:01.260 The sort of

01:01:02.120 Direction

01:01:02.860 You know

01:01:03.380 The right path

01:01:05.320 And that takes

01:01:06.100 Practice every day

01:01:07.360 For an individual

01:01:08.400 Then you will be

01:01:09.460 You know

01:01:10.040 I don't actually

01:01:10.860 Look for things

01:01:11.480 It comes to me

01:01:12.060 When I'm having a talk

01:01:12.880 Subhanallah

01:01:13.580 I open my page

01:01:14.360 Social media

01:01:14.860 Is on my side

01:01:15.840 Where an article

01:01:16.680 Will come up

01:01:17.260 Because I'm going

01:01:17.840 To be doing a show

01:01:18.460 And it actually

01:01:19.320 Comes to me

01:01:20.080 Because I'm seeking it

01:01:21.120 We're not seeking it

01:01:22.240 We're not actually

01:01:23.020 Practicing our faith

01:01:24.460 We don't even

01:01:24.900 Understand our faith

01:01:26.100 We know

01:01:26.600 We know all the rules

01:01:27.720 But we're not actually

01:01:28.720 Doing the little things

01:01:29.980 Like I said

01:01:30.660 How many people

01:01:31.980 Unless it's Ramadan

01:01:33.000 Or certain times of the year

01:01:34.780 That we will do this

01:01:35.540 We need to take

01:01:36.700 More interest in that

01:01:37.980 We need to

01:01:38.740 Emphasize more

01:01:40.140 On Quran

01:01:40.680 And you know

01:01:41.760 That is my power

01:01:43.000 And that is my protection

01:01:44.440 We don't talk about Islam

01:01:45.420 In that way

01:01:45.860 She is

01:01:47.320 It's very true

01:01:48.940 What she's saying

01:01:49.780 Because for

01:01:51.020 For a marriage

01:01:52.460 To be preserved

01:01:53.180 Amongst like

01:01:54.140 All of the fitna

01:01:55.000 And the mess

01:01:55.480 Outside

01:01:56.340 We need the aid

01:01:57.160 Of Allah

01:01:57.460 100%

01:01:59.500 And I think

01:02:00.520 Like to use a psychology term

01:02:02.100 You know

01:02:02.280 Like Maslow's hierarchy

01:02:03.240 Of needs

01:02:03.680 And the top of that

01:02:04.420 Being you know

01:02:04.900 Fulfilling your potential

01:02:06.260 A lot of issues

01:02:08.120 With men

01:02:09.100 And when they make mistakes

01:02:10.400 And become bad husbands

01:02:11.400 There's usually something

01:02:12.800 Going on within themselves

01:02:13.720 They're not satisfied with

01:02:14.920 And they feel like

01:02:16.120 They're not fulfilling

01:02:16.700 Their potential

01:02:17.380 Whether it's religiously

01:02:18.620 Whether it's dunya wise

01:02:19.760 And they become

01:02:20.940 Agitated individuals

01:02:22.240 They become

01:02:22.940 Individuals who seek

01:02:26.740 Validation or

01:02:28.460 Self esteem

01:02:29.740 From somewhere else

01:02:30.640 Usually it's women

01:02:31.420 As well

01:02:32.100 That's when the silly

01:02:32.720 Little DMs come

01:02:33.640 And this that and the other

01:02:34.880 And it's like

01:02:36.220 A man who's

01:02:37.860 Busy

01:02:38.640 You know the men

01:02:39.800 From the past

01:02:40.500 They were really

01:02:41.100 They had a mission

01:02:42.480 They lived a life

01:02:43.960 Of purpose

01:02:44.840 Yes

01:02:45.480 And that's something

01:02:46.900 That I feel like

01:02:47.360 We don't really live

01:02:48.360 A life of purpose

01:02:48.980 Yes yes

01:02:49.640 Providing for your family

01:02:50.540 Is purposeful

01:02:51.300 But you know

01:02:52.400 It's deeper man

01:02:53.180 It's deeper

01:02:53.960 Like we men

01:02:54.760 Our mission is

01:02:55.960 Above everything

01:02:58.740 You know

01:02:59.400 And we are missing that

01:03:02.140 But it should start

01:03:02.320 With Allah

01:03:02.740 I understand what you're saying

01:03:04.080 To me bro

01:03:04.700 There's no fear

01:03:05.300 I'm telling you

01:03:06.820 If the focus was given

01:03:08.180 To pleasing Allah

01:03:08.980 Our lives will change

01:03:09.940 I'm so sorry

01:03:10.600 We do not do that bro

01:03:11.940 I'm so sorry

01:03:12.300 As men we don't do that bro

01:03:13.660 Sisters as well

01:03:14.720 They don't

01:03:15.060 But our focus

01:03:16.100 Is not pleasing Allah bro

01:03:17.340 Our focus is not

01:03:18.340 Oh I miss salah

01:03:19.520 Bro you should be crying

01:03:21.100 You should be

01:03:22.080 Wallahi you should

01:03:22.600 You should

01:03:23.760 I'm not saying

01:03:24.660 They don't hit anybody

01:03:25.240 Theirselves

01:03:25.740 But wallahi to miss

01:03:26.920 A single salah

01:03:28.040 Oh it should be

01:03:29.320 The most catastrophic

01:03:30.160 Thing in your life

01:03:31.200 But the thing is

01:03:31.700 They don't understand

01:03:32.340 It's catastrophic

01:03:32.980 To the thing

01:03:33.640 That they're focusing

01:03:34.400 Out of the salah

01:03:35.760 Exactly

01:03:36.300 And that's the point

01:03:37.200 If your focal point

01:03:38.940 Was Allah

01:03:39.420 And pleasing Allah

01:03:40.400 Subhanahu wa ta'ala

01:03:41.060 Wallahi bro

01:03:42.380 It's impossible

01:03:43.040 Allah says

01:03:43.520 If you forget my remembrance

01:03:44.520 I'll make you forget

01:03:45.120 Your own self

01:03:45.520 Only in my remembrance

01:03:46.940 Do your hearts find peace

01:03:47.760 Bro Allah's telling you

01:03:48.940 You are programmed

01:03:49.800 To find happiness

01:03:50.640 In him

01:03:51.260 What do we do

01:03:52.180 We go and chase

01:03:52.940 I'm going to wrap up the show

01:03:55.200 Any last words quickly

01:03:56.040 Hijab

01:03:56.340 Any last words

01:03:56.860 I think that

01:04:00.840 Going back to

01:04:01.740 I think there's a good point

01:04:02.680 That you made about

01:04:03.340 Objectives and mission

01:04:04.380 I think that's a very

01:04:05.400 Important key term

01:04:07.100 Because it relates back

01:04:08.360 To the question at hand

01:04:09.380 Which is

01:04:09.820 Like what does it take

01:04:11.080 To be a good Muslim husband

01:04:12.120 And I think that's

01:04:13.320 One of the key ingredients

01:04:14.420 In fact

01:04:14.740 One of the things

01:04:15.640 I'll probably tell my son

01:04:16.460 Yeah you had well

01:04:17.620 I tell him look

01:04:18.300 I said to him

01:04:19.680 You need to have

01:04:21.200 Your own objectives

01:04:21.820 And you have your own mission

01:04:22.940 Obviously at the heart of it

01:04:24.980 Is

01:04:25.120 You know

01:04:27.260 It's in surah al-talaq

01:04:28.180 Ironically

01:04:29.020 I was preparing

01:04:29.760 To go to

01:04:30.940 Information

01:04:31.420 Yeah

01:04:32.340 So protect yourself

01:04:33.480 And your family

01:04:34.040 From the hellfire

01:04:34.720 For us

01:04:35.880 We have not created

01:04:38.240 The jinn

01:04:38.560 And the human beings

01:04:39.740 Except they worship me

01:04:40.480 Right

01:04:40.680 Now that's

01:04:42.420 How do you manifest that

01:04:43.920 And what you said

01:04:44.920 That really was

01:04:45.560 Is a good point

01:04:46.200 About potential

01:04:46.880 Emmanuel Kant

01:04:48.040 Who seems like

01:04:49.020 One of the biggest

01:04:49.620 Philosophers in

01:04:50.580 Enlightenment history

01:04:51.900 Yeah

01:04:52.140 He said one of the biggest

01:04:53.500 Sins

01:04:53.960 Obviously for us

01:04:54.560 It's not like this

01:04:55.200 But it's an interesting

01:04:56.100 Way he put it

01:04:56.740 It's for a person

01:04:57.940 Not to explore their potential

01:04:59.180 Yeah

01:04:59.640 Because if everyone

01:05:00.540 In society does that

01:05:01.440 He said

01:05:01.720 Then you wouldn't get

01:05:02.340 Innovation

01:05:02.720 You wouldn't get

01:05:03.160 Technology

01:05:03.600 You wouldn't get

01:05:03.980 Science

01:05:04.280 You wouldn't get

01:05:04.680 Whatever yeah

01:05:05.120 And that applies

01:05:06.280 To both husband and wife

01:05:07.100 And I'll be honest with you

01:05:07.920 I've noticed through

01:05:09.620 Like marriage and other things

01:05:10.960 And not just on my own marriage

01:05:12.180 I'm not a counsellor

01:05:12.860 But I've seen it

01:05:13.320 From other marriages as well

01:05:14.340 Is that you've got to

01:05:15.900 Appreciate that your wife

01:05:16.840 Is an individual

01:05:17.520 With a lot more to offer

01:05:18.760 Than just

01:05:19.320 Her wife's duties

01:05:20.960 Now

01:05:21.240 If she feels like

01:05:22.640 She's harbouring potential

01:05:24.180 That she could otherwise

01:05:25.940 Manifest with you

01:05:28.440 Not in the picture

01:05:29.780 That's actually quite dangerous

01:05:31.120 As well

01:05:31.680 So you've got to give her

01:05:32.780 An outlet

01:05:33.200 Of that

01:05:34.020 Because I feel like

01:05:35.300 We're living in an age now

01:05:36.440 Where everyone is comparing

01:05:38.960 Everything with everyone else

01:05:40.100 At a level that

01:05:40.820 Has never happened before

01:05:41.580 Now I'm not saying

01:05:43.140 We can easily say

01:05:44.220 Don't compare

01:05:44.800 Yeah okay

01:05:46.040 Okay that's fine

01:05:46.760 Don't compare

01:05:47.300 We I believe

01:05:48.920 We're social creatures

01:05:50.040 But we're also

01:05:50.600 Comparative creatures

01:05:52.040 We are going to compare

01:05:53.120 It's going to happen

01:05:54.580 Man's going to compare

01:05:55.280 With other men

01:05:55.720 Or woman's going to compare

01:05:56.320 With other women

01:05:56.760 So yeah

01:05:58.440 There needs to be an aspect

01:05:59.280 Of gratitude

01:06:00.180 To curb that

01:06:01.500 But also there needs

01:06:02.540 To be an aspect of

01:06:03.340 Alright there's an outlet

01:06:04.520 Here as well

01:06:05.120 Because we talk about

01:06:06.200 The man's needs

01:06:06.860 For a second wife

01:06:08.080 The woman also has needs

01:06:09.220 Like that

01:06:09.580 She feels like

01:06:10.700 For example

01:06:11.100 One thing I've noticed

01:06:11.980 Is when a woman

01:06:13.320 Goes to the beach

01:06:14.060 And she sees all these people

01:06:15.320 Like for example

01:06:16.080 In bikini

01:06:16.640 Or the park

01:06:18.080 Or something like that

01:06:18.600 And she sees

01:06:18.980 Women get very upset

01:06:20.740 At the fact

01:06:21.160 A lot of them

01:06:21.860 Do Muslim women

01:06:22.440 Wait a minute

01:06:23.360 I don't get to do that

01:06:24.620 Do you know

01:06:25.380 I don't get the experience

01:06:26.720 Of going into the sea

01:06:27.640 Or going into the swimming pool

01:06:29.280 There's a lot of things

01:06:30.200 I'm restricted from doing

01:06:31.180 And there is a theory

01:06:33.780 In psychology

01:06:34.260 You can go to the sea

01:06:35.400 But

01:06:35.700 No no no

01:06:36.240 But not in the same way

01:06:37.300 I'm saying

01:06:38.560 I cannot remember

01:06:39.320 It's called replacement theory

01:06:40.340 Or I think

01:06:41.040 Replacement theory

01:06:41.740 The idea that

01:06:42.280 If you tell someone

01:06:42.920 Not to do something

01:06:43.800 Too much

01:06:44.280 That it can actually

01:06:45.500 Have the opposite

01:06:46.060 And that's where

01:06:46.600 Reverse psychology

01:06:47.300 Comes in

01:06:47.780 And this is interesting

01:06:49.140 Because the Quran

01:06:49.580 Actually alludes to this

01:06:50.360 That human being

01:06:52.200 Is transgressive

01:06:53.660 So you cannot

01:06:54.580 Just be top

01:06:55.440 Top down

01:06:56.200 And you don't do this

01:06:57.500 Don't do this

01:06:57.940 Don't do this

01:06:58.260 With your wife

01:06:58.540 You need to give her

01:06:59.340 Some outlets

01:06:59.860 You really do need

01:07:00.580 To give her outlets

01:07:01.140 Because if you don't

01:07:01.660 Give her those outlets

01:07:02.440 One day it can actually

01:07:03.940 Explode into something

01:07:04.740 Quite dangerous

01:07:05.400 You know

01:07:06.460 And these outlets

01:07:07.020 Need to be out

01:07:07.500 Okay like

01:07:07.920 Creative outlets

01:07:08.840 If your wife is

01:07:09.720 You've got to see

01:07:10.200 What she's like

01:07:10.880 You've got to see

01:07:12.160 What your keys

01:07:12.780 Of your wife is

01:07:13.420 You've got to see

01:07:13.780 Is she a creative person

01:07:14.680 What does she like to do

01:07:15.480 And then try and find

01:07:16.780 An Islamic avenue

01:07:17.660 Where she can actually

01:07:18.340 Do those things

01:07:18.940 So she doesn't feel

01:07:19.940 Like she's always

01:07:20.580 Suppressing something

01:07:21.960 I'm sorry

01:07:25.980 I had a question

01:07:26.980 I am so sorry

01:07:28.320 That is pressed

01:07:28.900 If you disagree

01:07:29.460 And you have one and a half minutes

01:07:30.380 Sorry I had no choice

01:07:31.960 Yes of course

01:07:32.400 They're always listening to me

01:07:33.480 I have a question for the guys

01:07:35.540 Like everyone's had

01:07:36.440 Really mature outlooks

01:07:38.080 On how to be a good husband

01:07:39.500 Right

01:07:39.920 But how much of that

01:07:41.400 Has to do with your age

01:07:42.860 Because I think

01:07:44.000 The younger the guy is

01:07:45.700 The more immature

01:07:46.840 He's going to be

01:07:47.600 And the older he is

01:07:49.100 Is the more mature

01:07:50.140 He's going to

01:07:50.680 So I'm just

01:07:54.340 I just want to ask the guys

01:07:55.640 Because they're guys

01:07:56.520 Do you feel like

01:07:58.360 Hold on hold on

01:07:59.760 Do you feel like

01:08:00.880 That has something to do

01:08:01.960 With the age

01:08:02.620 The way you look at it

01:08:03.580 As a man

01:08:03.980 No

01:08:04.320 Okay so the question

01:08:05.320 I'm 33

01:08:06.260 You're 33

01:08:07.140 I'm 34

01:08:07.740 31

01:08:08.200 I'm almost 35

01:08:10.540 Oh mashallah

01:08:11.500 Okay

01:08:11.780 Alright alright

01:08:12.620 Yeah

01:08:13.120 I don't think

01:08:15.520 I don't think

01:08:16.000 Alhamdulillah

01:08:16.520 That's no alcohol

01:08:17.280 Pork and all that

01:08:17.960 Alcohol and pork

01:08:18.720 You should see my peers

01:08:20.440 From school

01:08:22.160 But I was going to say

01:08:23.940 Yeah

01:08:25.060 Mashup bro

01:08:26.160 I'm not going to lie

01:08:26.940 They look so mashup

01:08:28.020 Yeah so basically

01:08:28.680 You're saying that

01:08:29.340 The question is

01:08:30.480 Does age play

01:08:31.000 No I don't

01:08:32.640 I don't think it does

01:08:33.900 Does age

01:08:35.020 100%

01:08:36.260 100%

01:08:36.820 Personally I don't think it does

01:08:38.260 Really why not

01:08:39.220 Bro

01:08:39.560 Do you know what

01:08:40.500 Do you know what

01:08:41.660 Yous are going to

01:08:42.180 School me

01:08:42.460 Sorry

01:08:42.740 There's two brothers

01:08:44.120 I've got in front of my eyes

01:08:45.280 Okay

01:08:45.680 And I respect them so much

01:08:47.060 And they're young

01:08:47.580 Yeah

01:08:47.980 And I just want to

01:08:48.640 Shout out to them out

01:08:49.060 Because I'm going to

01:08:49.360 Say their names

01:08:49.660 Dawood and Suleyman

01:08:50.540 And they're young brothers

01:08:51.820 And they're

01:08:52.600 Then I say they're young

01:08:53.520 They're in their early 20s

01:08:54.920 Mid-20s

01:08:55.540 You know

01:08:55.780 And their tarabia was different

01:08:59.360 Home-schooled

01:09:01.140 I would say a lot of men

01:09:04.360 Are immature bro

01:09:05.200 Maybe I'm wrong

01:09:07.280 Because I've got them

01:09:07.780 In front of my eyes

01:09:08.440 Exactly

01:09:08.720 So Islamically

01:09:10.040 They're educated

01:09:11.860 Islamically right

01:09:12.680 So they're going to be

01:09:13.220 A bit more mature

01:09:13.900 But on average

01:09:14.880 Yes on average

01:09:15.620 Men are immature

01:09:16.120 I'm sorry

01:09:16.560 Biologically

01:09:17.840 You're only going to be

01:09:18.820 Fully developed

01:09:19.620 In your prefrontal cortex

01:09:20.980 24-25

01:09:21.720 At 24-25

01:09:22.800 You're actually going to be

01:09:23.820 Making judgments

01:09:24.520 And decisions

01:09:25.180 And things like that

01:09:25.720 Exactly

01:09:26.120 But your environment

01:09:27.000 And your upbringing

01:09:27.720 Will make a difference

01:09:28.680 So it's about society

01:09:30.380 It's not about

01:09:31.020 Muslim boys

01:09:31.760 Exactly

01:09:32.380 But as Muslim men

01:09:35.000 I'm just saying

01:09:35.560 Impractical guys

01:09:36.620 I'm just saying

01:09:37.320 Like I just think

01:09:38.600 Age has a lot to do with it

01:09:40.240 And I agree

01:09:40.880 Age has something to do

01:09:41.600 Because of the experience

01:09:42.540 That comes with

01:09:43.420 I think it's upbringing

01:09:44.360 But I feel like

01:09:45.440 Most men

01:09:46.320 If they're going to be

01:09:46.980 Real and accountable

01:09:48.000 Most of them do

01:09:48.860 Turn around and say

01:09:49.740 I started to mature

01:09:51.180 Around 35

01:09:52.140 Or 33

01:09:53.080 Or after 27

01:09:54.740 And stuff like that

01:09:55.960 So I'm just saying

01:09:56.700 Can I ask a question

01:09:57.260 Because you know

01:09:58.540 Like for example

01:09:59.060 The average age of marriage

01:10:00.180 I think for the

01:10:01.120 Dominant population

01:10:02.500 In this country

01:10:03.060 Is like 28 for a woman

01:10:04.200 And 32 or something

01:10:05.500 Like that for a man

01:10:06.120 Yeah

01:10:06.540 I got married when I was 20

01:10:07.560 For example

01:10:08.040 Wow

01:10:08.580 So the Muslim community

01:10:10.460 Is completely different

01:10:11.740 In terms of like

01:10:12.500 Where it starts to get married

01:10:13.640 Because of Zina

01:10:14.600 And all that kind of stuff

01:10:15.400 And familial person

01:10:16.180 Yes yes

01:10:16.920 So if like for example

01:10:18.300 If

01:10:18.700 I don't know

01:10:20.260 To what extent

01:10:20.880 Is it

01:10:21.180 To what you were saying

01:10:22.100 Is like experience

01:10:22.960 It's like I've been driving

01:10:24.160 A car for 15 years

01:10:25.260 Right

01:10:25.480 Yeah

01:10:25.900 Because I got the license

01:10:26.620 When I was 17

01:10:27.360 Yeah

01:10:27.640 Something like that

01:10:28.880 Yeah

01:10:29.060 So I've been driving

01:10:29.700 For I don't know

01:10:30.440 14 years

01:10:31.000 Something like that

01:10:31.400 Now let's say for example

01:10:32.780 You get a person my age

01:10:34.500 Who's just got the license

01:10:35.580 For two years

01:10:36.080 Now I've had way more

01:10:36.840 Driving experience

01:10:37.500 Than he does

01:10:37.960 Yeah yeah

01:10:38.420 Does marriage work

01:10:39.220 In a similar way

01:10:39.960 Because like I've got

01:10:41.280 So someone just got married

01:10:42.360 For two years

01:10:42.820 But he's 45

01:10:44.080 Yeah

01:10:44.640 He's going to have to be

01:10:46.000 Asking me for advice

01:10:46.820 In a sense

01:10:47.200 Yeah absolutely

01:10:48.000 I agree

01:10:48.700 His age is irrelevant

01:10:49.900 To the situation

01:10:50.900 I agree

01:10:51.520 I would say

01:10:52.260 It depends

01:10:52.860 Because me and my husband

01:10:54.000 Also got married at 22

01:10:55.540 23

01:10:55.980 So we got married young

01:10:57.640 And I would say

01:10:59.020 Although we were mature

01:11:00.560 At that age

01:11:01.380 We have matured

01:11:02.680 That's what I mean

01:11:03.880 That's the point

01:11:04.580 With the experience

01:11:05.100 Of being married

01:11:06.240 Yes

01:11:06.520 But it has to be within it

01:11:07.780 Yes yes yes

01:11:08.940 When you have certain values

01:11:10.920 Then they grow

01:11:11.860 But if you don't have

01:11:13.020 The values initially

01:11:13.920 Then those are the things

01:11:15.260 That will make you

01:11:15.940 In a particular way

01:11:16.780 Where you might find them

01:11:18.020 Irresponsible or not responsible

01:11:19.400 Because I speak to a lot

01:11:20.680 Of young men

01:11:21.200 And to be honest

01:11:22.120 I actually do admire

01:11:23.360 Because today

01:11:23.940 Everything is so open

01:11:24.960 They don't have an excuse

01:11:26.140 Not to know certain things

01:11:28.020 And they have much more wisdom

01:11:29.220 Than even our parents

01:11:30.180 As much as they need to teach us

01:11:31.900 I think they're much more open

01:11:33.340 To knowledge

01:11:34.140 And even what is happening

01:11:35.820 In the world

01:11:36.320 So I really don't think

01:11:37.320 It's going to change

01:11:37.880 I want to ask you a question

01:11:38.560 I'm actually curious

01:11:39.760 Alright

01:11:40.080 So because we're running

01:11:40.980 What if a man has been

01:11:42.520 In multiple relationships

01:11:43.960 At the same time

01:11:44.700 Is he more experienced

01:11:45.560 Like for example

01:11:46.160 Is it the fact

01:11:47.600 That I'm just saying

01:11:48.260 Experienced in what way though

01:11:49.500 Like for example

01:11:49.980 Say for instance

01:11:50.740 How to deal with women

01:11:51.580 Or women's psychology

01:11:52.400 I don't know

01:11:52.740 In whatever

01:11:53.840 I don't know

01:11:54.720 Like in general

01:11:55.480 In marriage

01:11:55.920 For example

01:11:57.720 If he's

01:11:58.200 This guy has been married

01:11:59.600 Let's say

01:12:00.120 To two women

01:12:00.880 For a certain amount

01:12:02.320 Or three

01:12:02.760 Or but let's just say

01:12:04.000 For the sake of argument

01:12:04.640 Who's more experienced

01:12:05.780 A Muslim man has been married

01:12:07.060 For let's just say

01:12:08.440 Three years

01:12:09.040 To three women

01:12:10.120 Or a Muslim man

01:12:11.080 Has been married

01:12:11.520 To one woman

01:12:11.960 For ten years

01:12:12.460 I don't know

01:12:13.000 I just think

01:12:13.740 It depends

01:12:14.220 If we're talking about

01:12:17.460 Women's psychology

01:12:18.220 That's quite mature

01:12:19.540 If they can manage

01:12:20.680 All three

01:12:21.060 That's quite mature

01:12:21.760 If they can manage

01:12:22.520 For a long term

01:12:23.280 That's also mature

01:12:24.140 So we also have to

01:12:25.180 Break it down

01:12:25.680 Because we're very

01:12:26.160 Generalizing

01:12:26.960 About a lot of these things

01:12:28.180 You have to be quite

01:12:28.960 Specific and focused

01:12:30.060 Mature in what way

01:12:31.240 Mature in actually

01:12:32.280 Bringing a house

01:12:32.860 Or mature in

01:12:33.460 Emotional intelligence

01:12:34.460 Mature in

01:12:35.220 You know

01:12:35.620 All of these kind of things

01:12:36.520 There's so many

01:12:37.120 Different categories

01:12:37.560 I think

01:12:37.960 I think

01:12:38.280 I think

01:12:39.100 I think

01:12:39.120 I think

01:12:39.840 Is about

01:12:40.120 Understanding how

01:12:40.780 To be with a woman

01:12:41.560 Or how to deal

01:12:42.160 With a woman

01:12:42.560 Well we are very

01:12:43.340 Complicated

01:12:43.800 It's not just one way

01:12:44.640 It's true

01:12:45.040 But we're talking

01:12:45.500 I think maybe

01:12:46.360 You're coming from

01:12:46.660 An angle where

01:12:47.160 It's a man

01:12:48.360 Who has had a

01:12:49.320 Jahiliya

01:12:49.800 And his

01:12:52.520 It should be a shame though

01:12:53.380 But the reality

01:12:55.840 Is this bro

01:12:56.960 Of course it does

01:12:57.600 The reality is this though

01:12:59.260 Of course

01:12:59.780 The way he operates

01:13:00.700 With women

01:13:01.100 He has an insight

01:13:02.080 Yes

01:13:03.000 He has a deep insight

01:13:03.600 And the thing is

01:13:04.080 Remember he doesn't need

01:13:04.980 To be the finished article

01:13:06.020 He might not be the most

01:13:07.040 He doesn't need to be

01:13:07.740 The most mature

01:13:08.420 But you need to

01:13:09.500 You guys need to

01:13:10.620 Mature together

01:13:11.120 Maybe he can do so many

01:13:11.900 Because he cannot

01:13:12.580 Even panic

01:13:13.300 And it is

01:13:13.860 Because the thing is

01:13:15.060 The thing is

01:13:15.880 It's

01:13:16.420 Yeah

01:13:16.780 The thing is

01:13:17.660 It's like that

01:13:18.080 Because the thing is

01:13:18.640 At the end of the day

01:13:19.120 For a man

01:13:19.660 When he has

01:13:20.620 Like when he's

01:13:21.440 With

01:13:21.760 He's with a

01:13:22.400 Married

01:13:23.300 Or not married

01:13:23.940 Etc

01:13:24.600 You need to

01:13:25.280 Understand that

01:13:25.960 That works in so many

01:13:26.760 Advantages for him

01:13:27.500 Number one

01:13:27.880 He becomes less desperate

01:13:28.860 Because you need to

01:13:30.020 Understand

01:13:30.180 And with women

01:13:30.800 The women's psychology

01:13:31.520 Is that basically

01:13:32.160 When you're with a woman

01:13:33.340 It will see this

01:13:34.200 Jahiliya bro

01:13:34.720 You have no girlfriend

01:13:35.920 You have no girlfriend

01:13:36.960 I'll tell you

01:13:37.480 You have no girlfriend

01:13:38.220 For example

01:13:38.760 Yeah

01:13:39.300 Nobody wants to know you

01:13:40.260 The moment you get

01:13:41.580 A girlfriend

01:13:42.120 Argument sake

01:13:42.820 Yeah

01:13:43.020 All these girls

01:13:44.420 Are now interested in you

01:13:45.400 What's the hell

01:13:46.080 Change

01:13:46.320 I'm the same guy

01:13:47.080 Is it my hair

01:13:48.060 Is it my beard

01:13:48.920 But the thing is

01:13:49.920 Different energy

01:13:50.540 That you bring

01:13:51.240 Yes

01:13:51.660 Now because what it is

01:13:52.480 It's cosigned now

01:13:53.480 It's like okay

01:13:53.860 She's with him

01:13:54.600 There's a reason

01:13:55.340 Number two

01:13:55.880 Women have competition

01:13:57.520 Within each other

01:13:58.080 And number three

01:13:58.760 He works in advantage

01:13:59.720 Over men

01:14:00.100 How

01:14:00.340 Because when he is

01:14:01.540 Just to give context

01:14:02.700 When he has been intimate

01:14:04.120 With her

01:14:04.740 He is less desperate

01:14:06.420 That works advantage

01:14:07.840 When he is

01:14:08.440 Yes

01:14:08.960 Because now he has

01:14:10.080 A leverage

01:14:10.960 Because he's not desperate

01:14:12.320 When a man

01:14:13.440 Doesn't have anyone

01:14:14.540 In his life

01:14:15.000 He's

01:14:15.480 Seeking

01:14:16.560 He's seeking

01:14:17.320 And he's desperate

01:14:18.080 We can smack

01:14:18.580 But when he has

01:14:19.280 A thank you

01:14:20.280 That's true

01:14:20.680 Thank you

01:14:21.200 So when a man

01:14:22.060 Has someone

01:14:22.720 Who's an interpartum

01:14:23.320 First wife for example

01:14:24.260 If he has a first wife

01:14:25.560 You'll see the second

01:14:26.640 Third fourth

01:14:27.200 They just come

01:14:27.720 And you know why

01:14:28.220 Because women are

01:14:29.020 Within their nature like that

01:14:30.100 We're going to talk about that

01:14:30.960 And this is a document

01:14:31.600 We have to run out of time

01:14:32.420 We've got a few more topics

01:14:33.160 Inshallah

01:14:34.100 We're going to be touching

01:14:34.720 On those topics

01:14:35.240 Till next time

01:14:36.620 Brothers and sisters

01:14:37.060 From the Bitter Shrif

01:14:37.660 May Allah bless you guys

01:14:38.480 This is

01:14:39.180 Send this to your husband

01:14:39.900 Send this to your son

01:14:40.600 Send this to your brothers

01:14:41.320 Send this to whoever

01:14:42.000 You want to send

01:14:42.460 Inshallah

01:14:42.760 Because at the end of the day

01:14:44.260 This is an important topic

01:14:45.120 And for those men

01:14:46.260 Who are oppressing their wives

01:14:47.180 We ask you to

01:14:47.900 Fear Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

01:14:48.920 And wallahi

01:14:50.220 You will be questioned

01:14:51.000 On the day of judgment

01:14:51.660 It is not small

01:14:53.100 You know

01:14:53.540 Oppressing them

01:14:54.240 Not giving them their rights

01:14:55.200 Simple affection and love

01:14:56.320 You know

01:14:56.800 So fear Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

01:14:57.880 Till next time

01:14:58.720 Wassalamualaikum

01:14:59.360 The Prophet

01:15:01.800 Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said

01:15:02.840 Whoever builds a masjid

01:15:04.420 For the sake of Allah

01:15:05.140 Subhanahu wa ta'ala

01:15:05.780 Allah will build for him

01:15:07.720 A similar house

01:15:08.840 In Jannah

01:15:09.500 On that day

01:15:10.660 Where Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

01:15:11.620 Tells us

01:15:12.300 That our books will be given

01:15:13.520 And every little

01:15:15.120 Atom weight of

01:15:15.980 Good deed you've done

01:15:16.680 Will be there

01:15:17.540 And imagine

01:15:18.460 You see a mountain

01:15:19.540 And you're like

01:15:20.380 What a lucky person

01:15:21.400 Which righteous person

01:15:22.920 And Allah says

01:15:24.280 This is for you

01:15:25.020 For me?

01:15:26.080 Yes

01:15:26.440 What did I do?

01:15:28.100 You allowed people to pray

01:15:29.560 You built a masjid

01:15:30.600 I never had the money

01:15:31.420 To build a masjid

01:15:32.020 Oh Allah

01:15:32.320 You helped

01:15:33.680 You gave towards it

01:15:34.880 And Allah gives you the reward

01:15:36.020 Of as if you've built it

01:15:37.380 Donate now guys

01:15:38.680 And do not delay

01:15:39.440 And share the video

01:15:40.660 For extra rewards

01:15:41.600 Bye

01:15:44.700 Bye

01:15:47.740 Bye

01:15:48.060 Bye

01:15:48.860 Bye

01:15:49.160 Bye

01:15:50.060 Bye

01:15:50.080 Bye

01:15:50.160 Bye

01:15:50.600 Bye

01:15:50.700 Bye

01:15:51.140 Bye

01:15:51.500 Bye

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Ali Dawah - September 19, 2023

HOW TO BE A GOOD MUSLIM HUSBAND？ - EP 15 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

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Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript