Ali Dawah - February 29, 2024


MEN GUESS WHAT WOMAN WANT IN A HUSBAND？ - EP 24 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW


Episode Stats

Length

59 minutes

Words per Minute

197.70467

Word Count

11,783

Sentence Count

566

Misogynist Sentences

92

Hate Speech Sentences

81


Summary

In this episode, we talk about what we as women look for in a good husband and how we as men look for them. We also talk about how we can be better in our relationships with our wives and husbands.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Yeah, why is this a girl saying?
00:00:03.600 It is what it is.
00:00:05.320 Okay, they want good looks.
00:00:07.440 Read the Quran.
00:00:08.840 I'm not joking.
00:00:09.820 Read the Quran, specifically the ayahs
00:00:12.240 where Allah is talking about marriage.
00:00:13.500 It's so easy, it's very easy and very easy to understand.
00:00:16.460 I think it's the majority of women.
00:00:17.480 There are obviously, you know,
00:00:18.420 one in ten women who don't look for materialistic things.
00:00:20.820 And to be honest, I don't always blame them either.
00:00:22.880 You know, with the way some people have been brought up,
00:00:25.180 their parents have been telling them,
00:00:26.040 this is what you need in a man.
00:00:27.260 From the Western standard,
00:00:28.560 we would be seen as gold diggers.
00:00:30.400 But listen, this is our right, yeah?
00:00:32.460 This is our right given to us by Allah.
00:00:34.120 So who are you to say that?
00:00:35.320 But it's an issue of tawheed
00:00:36.120 because Allah is the one that gives.
00:00:37.760 Do you know what I'm trying to say?
00:00:38.280 For you to think that if that person, for example,
00:00:40.620 oh, are you wealthy?
00:00:41.080 Yes, yes, yes.
00:00:41.620 How do you know that man is going to lose his money?
00:00:42.940 And how do you know he's going to make you happy?
00:00:44.380 A leader meaning someone who will lead me,
00:00:46.920 someone who I can trust
00:00:47.780 and I'll respect your decisions
00:00:49.460 and I'll let you do your thing
00:00:51.080 and I'll go with the flow.
00:00:52.280 We do centre ourselves a lot around beauty.
00:00:54.840 So we want that to be seen.
00:00:56.580 And I feel like when that is missed out
00:00:59.000 in a marriage,
00:01:00.500 it can bring down the female morale.
00:01:03.040 Again, obedience.
00:01:04.600 And what I mean by that is like,
00:01:05.760 he's just a genuinely obedient man
00:01:07.480 to his role and to his God.
00:01:09.500 And I didn't realise in the moment
00:01:11.020 that actually, you know what?
00:01:12.000 I didn't fully deep.
00:01:12.840 This was from Allah to me.
00:01:14.040 Of course.
00:01:14.620 You see?
00:01:15.020 And he took it from me to humble me
00:01:16.440 and to show me,
00:01:17.140 look, this was never you in the first place.
00:01:18.660 Exactly.
00:01:19.020 It was from me.
00:01:19.720 As a man,
00:01:20.560 if you were to be put in that position
00:01:21.660 where your daughter
00:01:22.420 is looking for a husband,
00:01:25.900 you would make sure
00:01:26.500 that man takes care of your daughter.
00:01:28.260 So why wouldn't you do that
00:01:29.160 for somebody else's daughter
00:01:30.080 that you've just married?
00:01:31.640 Specifically,
00:01:32.740 how do you treat me
00:01:34.180 when you're angry?
00:01:35.280 How are you going to treat me
00:01:36.160 if you've just had a disagreement?
00:01:38.220 Just in your tone of voice,
00:01:39.260 it should be in your tone of voice
00:01:40.060 every time you speak
00:01:40.680 because even if you speak harshly
00:01:42.880 at a time,
00:01:43.860 the woman can build resentment
00:01:45.320 against you.
00:01:46.740 Personally,
00:01:47.040 I feel men are more dishonest
00:01:48.300 than women
00:01:48.740 and I feel like
00:01:50.220 that is a projection
00:01:50.920 because they are aware
00:01:51.960 of being dishonest.
00:01:54.120 They think that's what
00:01:54.920 we're looking for.
00:01:56.060 There is this magnetic aura
00:01:57.600 that even they can't put it into words.
00:01:59.320 That's why I don't waste my time
00:01:59.960 asking them,
00:02:00.320 what do you want?
00:02:00.620 I don't care.
00:02:01.300 I already know what you want.
00:02:02.420 I know what you want.
00:02:03.120 Okay, what is it what they want?
00:02:03.820 Tell us.
00:02:05.240 Honestly, I've written well.
00:02:06.100 Talk to you!
00:02:07.720 The thing that women
00:02:08.480 complain about the most
00:02:09.280 is the compassion things
00:02:10.140 and they didn't put that down.
00:02:11.280 Yeah.
00:02:11.820 Yeah.
00:02:12.200 It's so crazy.
00:02:12.960 I feel like this is probably
00:02:13.860 the biggest issue that we face
00:02:15.220 is not feeling like
00:02:15.960 we're getting enough compassion
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00:02:57.520 Enjoy.
00:02:58.460 As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
00:02:59.920 brothers and sisters and dear friends.
00:03:01.080 Hope you guys are well inshallah.
00:03:02.040 Welcome to another episode
00:03:03.000 of The Bitter Truth Show.
00:03:04.160 We are looking for new panel guests
00:03:06.000 inshallah.
00:03:06.920 If you want to get involved,
00:03:07.880 you can apply at
00:03:08.900 thebittertruthshow at gmail.com.
00:03:11.500 We are looking for new guests
00:03:12.520 and panelists inshallah.
00:03:13.600 You can apply there.
00:03:15.240 And we film usually once a month.
00:03:17.560 So please inshallah,
00:03:18.520 if you want to join us,
00:03:19.780 you can.
00:03:20.680 But let's get inshallah straight into it.
00:03:21.980 Today's topic is a little bit...
00:03:23.520 So we're doing it in a different way
00:03:24.480 where we are going to be inshallah
00:03:25.960 reacting...
00:03:27.660 Well, we've done the reaction,
00:03:28.900 but we're going to be inshallah
00:03:29.700 getting the sisters to react
00:03:30.660 to our results.
00:03:31.660 So the topic at hand is
00:03:32.740 what do we as men believe
00:03:35.300 women look for in a husband?
00:03:37.420 So this can be four to five
00:03:39.040 specific things.
00:03:41.060 So as men,
00:03:42.080 what is our assumptions?
00:03:43.220 What do we think
00:03:44.040 women look for?
00:03:45.060 I'm going to be the one
00:03:45.820 who's going to be writing these down.
00:03:46.960 I'm going to leave the floor
00:03:47.620 to you guys.
00:03:48.620 So let's start off with
00:03:49.860 you Aki, inshallah.
00:03:51.000 What do you think?
00:03:51.920 Tell me the top three.
00:03:53.120 Let's discuss the top three.
00:03:54.400 Then we'll slowly narrow it down,
00:03:55.720 inshallah, yeah?
00:03:56.200 So tell me what you believe
00:03:58.080 the top three things
00:03:59.460 a woman looks for in a man.
00:04:03.020 I think that...
00:04:05.420 There is a general conception
00:04:09.780 that women are looking for men
00:04:11.780 that are wealthy and established
00:04:14.440 and all of that.
00:04:15.660 But I think that at the very core,
00:04:19.940 what a woman wants
00:04:22.360 more than anything else
00:04:24.500 is honesty.
00:04:26.480 I think that core value
00:04:28.100 is that if he doesn't have that,
00:04:31.480 if he's dishonest,
00:04:32.800 then that means
00:04:34.780 that she can't trust him,
00:04:36.720 which means that
00:04:37.960 her other ideas of security
00:04:40.420 will never come into play
00:04:41.680 because at her core,
00:04:44.120 she can't trust him.
00:04:45.660 Therefore,
00:04:46.500 how are you ever going to have security?
00:04:48.520 If there is wealth,
00:04:50.160 she won't know
00:04:51.320 whether it's going to come to her or not
00:04:53.300 or whether it's going to go anywhere else
00:04:55.140 because he's dishonest.
00:04:56.980 So whether they know it or not,
00:04:59.020 at her very core,
00:05:00.760 what a woman wants.
00:05:01.600 And I'm assuming
00:05:02.880 and basing this
00:05:03.720 on women in general
00:05:04.900 being honest,
00:05:05.920 righteous and so on.
00:05:06.640 But if she doesn't want
00:05:08.920 a man that is honest,
00:05:11.860 then that may be a reflection on her.
00:05:13.780 But I think in general,
00:05:15.080 that would be a core principle
00:05:16.620 that a woman will want.
00:05:18.180 Okay.
00:05:18.580 Honestly?
00:05:19.720 Yeah.
00:05:20.360 I'm going to say the basic thing.
00:05:21.600 I do think it's wealth.
00:05:22.520 I think that's what most women look for
00:05:24.080 in a man.
00:05:25.960 You know,
00:05:26.620 I've been on dates.
00:05:28.980 Halal ones.
00:05:29.580 Halal, of course.
00:05:30.240 Halal, the public ones.
00:05:31.600 Yeah, of course.
00:05:32.700 I'd never do that to myself.
00:05:34.160 Never.
00:05:34.860 That's what Allah said.
00:05:35.880 You're not wrong yourself.
00:05:37.160 Exactly.
00:05:37.760 All right.
00:05:38.140 So, yeah, wealth is,
00:05:39.340 I think that's the primary sort of factor
00:05:41.180 for most women
00:05:41.920 when they're seeking a potential spouse.
00:05:44.740 First few questions I always get is,
00:05:46.800 what do I do for work?
00:05:47.720 What car I drive?
00:05:48.640 How much do I earn?
00:05:49.620 Allah protects you from these people.
00:05:50.720 That's why you're not married now.
00:05:51.580 You know, if you think about it,
00:05:52.480 it's actually Allah is protecting you
00:05:53.800 from these individuals
00:05:54.860 who the first thing they ask you
00:05:55.940 is about that.
00:05:57.000 I think it's the majority of women.
00:05:58.520 There are obviously,
00:05:59.280 you know,
00:05:59.660 one in 10 women
00:06:00.460 who don't look for materialistic things.
00:06:02.800 And to be honest,
00:06:03.580 I don't always blame them either.
00:06:05.080 You know,
00:06:05.540 with the way some people
00:06:07.280 have been brought up,
00:06:08.180 their parents have been telling them,
00:06:09.220 this is what you need in a man.
00:06:10.820 You need,
00:06:11.580 with like,
00:06:12.400 safety comes with wealth.
00:06:14.520 You need this
00:06:15.200 for an established background.
00:06:16.660 You can raise a family with wealth.
00:06:18.120 You can't do that
00:06:18.800 if you're poor.
00:06:19.520 So I'm not saying,
00:06:20.260 you know,
00:06:20.780 it's all women's fault.
00:06:21.940 I'm just saying,
00:06:22.460 this is how it is.
00:06:23.320 This is what I've experienced
00:06:24.600 and what I've seen others experience.
00:06:26.380 So that's interesting
00:06:27.200 because,
00:06:27.760 like you said,
00:06:29.440 but the issue at hand is,
00:06:30.600 it's very bizarre
00:06:31.380 because it's like,
00:06:31.900 we're putting our trust
00:06:32.580 in material things.
00:06:34.060 You can have an individual
00:06:34.760 who's a millionaire
00:06:35.240 who can become poor.
00:06:36.280 You can have somebody
00:06:36.820 who's got nothing.
00:06:37.640 Do you get it?
00:06:38.200 So this is actually
00:06:39.260 an issue of Tawheed.
00:06:40.740 And I'm not going to say Shirk,
00:06:42.360 but it's an issue of Tawheed
00:06:43.360 because Allah is the one
00:06:44.480 that gives.
00:06:45.380 Do you get what I'm trying to say?
00:06:46.040 For you to think
00:06:47.080 that if that person,
00:06:48.580 for example,
00:06:48.980 oh, are you wealthy?
00:06:49.560 Yes, yes, yes.
00:06:51.780 And Hajim is going to make you happy.
00:06:53.400 Do you get it?
00:06:53.860 Do you see our trust lie?
00:06:54.780 Instead of having trust
00:06:55.420 in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:06:56.160 and having tawakal in Him,
00:06:57.420 our trust is more
00:06:58.600 in the individual
00:07:00.140 and what He has to offer.
00:07:01.440 It's a sad reality.
00:07:02.200 Both are different topics.
00:07:03.680 Mahdi,
00:07:04.360 so what would you say
00:07:05.160 a woman looks for?
00:07:06.240 Tell me three things.
00:07:07.380 I would say,
00:07:07.800 if you don't mind,
00:07:08.240 before I answer that,
00:07:08.900 Akh Ali.
00:07:09.900 Akh Mahdi,
00:07:10.980 these women that you have met
00:07:12.520 who have said to you,
00:07:13.780 what do you drive and so on,
00:07:15.280 where,
00:07:15.740 what environment
00:07:16.580 do you meet
00:07:17.740 the majority of these women?
00:07:19.300 Where are you coming
00:07:20.100 across these women?
00:07:20.780 Is it apps or real life?
00:07:22.020 It's both mutual,
00:07:23.180 mutual,
00:07:23.560 I've met them from mutual friends
00:07:24.660 and apps as well.
00:07:25.440 I've met them in person.
00:07:26.680 What type of circles
00:07:27.600 are these women rolling in?
00:07:29.140 Are they,
00:07:29.460 would you consider them
00:07:30.140 as practicing Muslimers?
00:07:31.300 It's a mix of both.
00:07:32.580 But what's the majority?
00:07:33.800 Majority,
00:07:34.840 so the consensus is,
00:07:36.460 it's normally they say
00:07:37.140 they try and practice.
00:07:38.480 I don't want to make assumptions,
00:07:39.580 but they say,
00:07:40.060 you know,
00:07:40.240 they try their best essentially.
00:07:41.360 So if you're fishing
00:07:41.960 in that pond,
00:07:42.780 then definitely
00:07:43.440 that's going to be
00:07:44.620 what they tell you.
00:07:45.700 It all comes down to
00:07:46.720 what pond are you fishing in?
00:07:48.160 If you're fishing in,
00:07:48.880 and I have to make
00:07:49.740 this clarification
00:07:50.240 because I don't want
00:07:51.020 the young men watching
00:07:51.780 to mistakenly believe
00:07:53.600 that all women
00:07:55.440 are looking for your,
00:07:56.740 it's a metric
00:07:58.340 that is important.
00:08:00.060 But I would say
00:08:00.700 that's why it's the majority.
00:08:02.740 And I do think
00:08:03.460 practicing women
00:08:04.080 who don't look
00:08:04.600 for materialistic things
00:08:05.660 like money,
00:08:06.400 cars,
00:08:06.820 houses,
00:08:07.620 I think it's a minority nowadays.
00:08:08.800 There's nothing wrong
00:08:09.440 with women looking
00:08:10.040 for materialistic things.
00:08:10.980 She should look
00:08:11.680 for materialistic things.
00:08:12.360 I'm just saying
00:08:13.080 that's just how it is.
00:08:14.300 That's what I've experienced.
00:08:14.920 Here's the definition
00:08:15.620 of materialism
00:08:16.240 because materialism,
00:08:16.980 if you're talking about
00:08:17.820 Mahdi,
00:08:18.340 a provider,
00:08:18.900 protector,
00:08:19.320 which is like,
00:08:19.700 okay,
00:08:20.260 he's talking about
00:08:20.960 people who are like,
00:08:21.640 what car you drive,
00:08:22.300 how much you earn a year.
00:08:23.980 He's talking about the,
00:08:25.240 what you said,
00:08:25.800 the pond that he's going,
00:08:27.560 or comes across whatever,
00:08:29.220 it's just materialism.
00:08:31.120 He's not talking about
00:08:31.700 a woman who's like,
00:08:32.420 I want security
00:08:32.960 because in her nature,
00:08:34.140 she wants security.
00:08:35.160 He's not talking about,
00:08:35.920 he's talking about somebody
00:08:36.700 who is like,
00:08:37.260 wealth,
00:08:37.620 wealth,
00:08:37.900 what car do you drive?
00:08:39.200 What does that mean?
00:08:40.320 You know,
00:08:40.560 when I met my wife,
00:08:41.240 I was driving a Toyota Prius
00:08:42.060 that didn't belong to me,
00:08:42.700 I was in Uber.
00:08:43.480 So do you get me trying to see?
00:08:44.640 If my wife,
00:08:45.680 like,
00:08:46.000 asked me that question,
00:08:46.820 I'd be like,
00:08:47.220 what does it matter?
00:08:48.740 I think that's what
00:08:49.160 he's talking about.
00:08:49.640 What do you think?
00:08:50.260 Yeah,
00:08:50.440 I would say,
00:08:50.980 if it all depends
00:08:52.020 on the pond
00:08:52.420 that you're fishing in,
00:08:53.240 if you're fishing in a pond
00:08:55.400 where the sisters
00:08:56.100 are a bit 50-50
00:08:57.100 on her iman,
00:08:58.020 and she's young,
00:08:58.720 I'm assuming they're young as well,
00:08:59.740 your age demographic,
00:09:01.340 you know,
00:09:01.540 late teens,
00:09:06.700 and she's from the TikTok generation,
00:09:07.980 exactly as you said,
00:09:08.720 basically,
00:09:09.180 then yeah,
00:09:09.520 you are going to get that answer.
00:09:11.080 And I would definitely recommend
00:09:12.580 you fish in a different pond
00:09:14.080 because there are many different ponds.
00:09:16.140 Once you just zoom out
00:09:17.160 of that pond
00:09:18.140 and you see,
00:09:18.760 oh wait,
00:09:19.100 okay,
00:09:19.280 there are sisters
00:09:19.940 in different ponds
00:09:21.180 who would be willing
00:09:22.220 to seriously consider me
00:09:24.360 despite the fact
00:09:24.980 that I might not be rich
00:09:25.920 or whatever.
00:09:26.580 There's an overemphasis on wealth.
00:09:28.400 There really is.
00:09:29.020 Yeah,
00:09:29.200 of course there is.
00:09:29.980 So you're saying
00:09:30.620 everyone experienced bias,
00:09:31.700 essentially.
00:09:32.600 Experienced bias.
00:09:33.380 Right,
00:09:33.700 okay.
00:09:34.000 So you wouldn't say
00:09:35.060 most women,
00:09:35.760 they don't find
00:09:36.880 wealth attractive.
00:09:37.980 Of all women
00:09:38.620 find wealth attractive.
00:09:39.640 Would you say
00:09:40.220 that it's one of
00:09:41.080 their highest priorities
00:09:41.920 when finding a spouse?
00:09:43.180 The less she rates you,
00:09:44.340 one of the top.
00:09:45.000 The less she rates you,
00:09:46.180 the more she will
00:09:46.820 want to milk you.
00:09:47.940 Okay.
00:09:48.540 So the less she is
00:09:49.940 attracted to you
00:09:50.940 as an individual,
00:09:52.060 the more she will
00:09:52.840 place emphasis,
00:09:53.540 I'm not saying you now per se,
00:09:54.960 I don't think I'm
00:09:55.340 throwing you under the bus here,
00:09:56.040 I'm not,
00:09:56.240 but a general person.
00:09:58.360 The less she is
00:09:59.040 actually genuinely
00:10:00.360 interested in that individual,
00:10:02.040 the more of an emphasis
00:10:03.460 she will have on money.
00:10:04.600 It's like,
00:10:05.280 I don't really like this guy,
00:10:06.220 but you know what,
00:10:06.760 he is rich.
00:10:06.980 Other things to weigh up.
00:10:08.140 That's why old Russian
00:10:09.400 billionaires have these
00:10:10.420 young supermodels.
00:10:11.720 The thing is,
00:10:12.340 it's a very important thing,
00:10:13.440 if she's not attractive to you,
00:10:15.700 she will look for other things.
00:10:16.800 If she's attractive to you,
00:10:17.700 it doesn't matter,
00:10:18.280 you can be cleaning toilets
00:10:19.820 and she'll still have that
00:10:22.060 attraction towards you.
00:10:22.740 This is the problem I think
00:10:23.680 men face as well.
00:10:24.900 So women may look for money,
00:10:26.840 majority of women do,
00:10:28.380 but men will look for looks.
00:10:30.360 So men will be okay with
00:10:31.520 these good looking women
00:10:32.660 looking for money,
00:10:33.780 they know they can provide it
00:10:34.760 and they'll go based of looks.
00:10:36.260 So it's all materialistic
00:10:37.300 essentially, isn't it?
00:10:38.220 I know a lot of men
00:10:39.540 who have gone purely on looks.
00:10:42.400 Because they can afford it
00:10:43.740 essentially,
00:10:43.980 there's a price on looks.
00:10:45.240 That's why if we go to
00:10:46.840 that specific point
00:10:47.620 that we're talking about,
00:10:48.340 that's why it's transactional.
00:10:49.840 It's women, wealth,
00:10:51.380 for a man it's looks.
00:10:52.600 It's transactional.
00:10:53.380 What do you offer me,
00:10:53.920 what do you offer me?
00:10:54.400 It's supply and demand
00:10:55.940 in that sense.
00:10:56.740 And for a woman
00:10:57.100 it's like an insurance policy.
00:10:58.280 Like you said,
00:10:58.940 the less I'm attracted to you,
00:11:00.380 the more your money
00:11:01.320 is going to be
00:11:01.680 an insurance policy for me.
00:11:02.840 It's like an accident.
00:11:04.040 Yeah, I'm going to be covered here.
00:11:05.320 So that's what they do for it.
00:11:06.300 A woman is,
00:11:07.500 it's like that.
00:11:08.220 But, so wealth,
00:11:09.940 I believe, yes,
00:11:10.840 in the,
00:11:12.320 like I always say,
00:11:13.440 every man is polygamous by nature.
00:11:14.740 For a woman,
00:11:15.460 they have those luxuries
00:11:16.500 of the dunya.
00:11:17.200 They like it.
00:11:18.080 And if you think about it,
00:11:18.720 that's what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:11:19.480 doesn't go into details
00:11:20.220 of what a woman's going to get
00:11:21.100 in the hereafter
00:11:21.640 because they'll be upset
00:11:22.820 if Allah said
00:11:23.240 you're going to get a palace
00:11:23.840 with 55 bedrooms
00:11:25.200 and four jacuzis.
00:11:26.400 They'll say,
00:11:26.580 but why not 56?
00:11:27.520 So Allah doesn't go into the details
00:11:29.120 of what a woman's going to get
00:11:30.180 and leaves it to their imagination.
00:11:31.460 For us men,
00:11:31.880 it's very simple.
00:11:32.640 Hora Lane,
00:11:33.720 rivers of milk,
00:11:34.900 this that I'm like,
00:11:35.420 yeah, alhamdulillah,
00:11:35.900 I'm happy to get it.
00:11:36.920 But, so wealth,
00:11:38.280 I've written here,
00:11:40.240 honesty,
00:11:41.320 wealth,
00:11:42.120 they look for Mahdi.
00:11:43.280 What else?
00:11:43.980 So, I would say,
00:11:45.160 this question of what
00:11:46.240 are women looking for
00:11:47.300 in a man,
00:11:47.700 and again,
00:11:48.240 I hate to repeat
00:11:49.020 what I mentioned
00:11:49.620 on the last episode,
00:11:50.480 but there will be new viewers
00:11:51.680 who didn't watch
00:11:52.180 the last episode
00:11:52.720 who don't know
00:11:53.300 my personal situation.
00:11:54.800 I'm not talking
00:11:55.540 on my backside.
00:11:56.140 I'm sorry to bore you,
00:11:57.160 gentlemen,
00:11:57.700 but for the new viewers
00:11:58.500 who are watching,
00:11:59.660 and again,
00:12:00.420 I will preface
00:12:01.100 what I'm about to say,
00:12:01.980 any good I have
00:12:02.640 is from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
00:12:04.200 I'm not,
00:12:04.660 it's not a quote
00:12:05.420 of self-amazement.
00:12:06.320 None of this,
00:12:06.600 he can take it from me
00:12:07.400 as quickly as he gave it to me.
00:12:09.060 And I'm sorry
00:12:09.500 to bore you, gentlemen.
00:12:10.440 But I've been married
00:12:11.220 for nearly two decades.
00:12:12.240 I have multiple wives,
00:12:13.180 many children,
00:12:14.100 11 in total,
00:12:15.000 including the orphans.
00:12:16.780 And,
00:12:18.100 I have,
00:12:18.460 alhamdulillah,
00:12:19.040 I have too many women,
00:12:20.460 it's too much,
00:12:22.660 it's becoming even,
00:12:23.500 it's too much.
00:12:25.280 And the men
00:12:25.940 who have the same,
00:12:26.880 similar experience to me,
00:12:27.940 we all have,
00:12:29.140 and there are only a few,
00:12:30.080 a handful,
00:12:30.560 who have this experience.
00:12:31.360 They're married to multiple women.
00:12:33.120 They have no problem
00:12:33.800 in attracting and keeping them.
00:12:35.120 It's not a problem.
00:12:36.020 And they have got like a
00:12:36.940 big bench to choose from
00:12:39.120 if they wanted to.
00:12:39.780 They all have this one
00:12:40.460 underlying quality.
00:12:41.560 They never concern themselves
00:12:43.360 with,
00:12:44.280 what does she want
00:12:45.400 to make her happy?
00:12:46.060 Let me tell you the following
00:12:46.780 for the young men
00:12:47.380 who are watching, okay?
00:12:48.620 If you feel Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:12:49.820 to the best of your ability,
00:12:50.960 firstly and foremostly,
00:12:51.960 okay?
00:12:52.540 When Allah says in the Quran,
00:12:53.980 وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مَخْرَجًا
00:12:55.940 وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثَ لَا يَحْتَسِبْ
00:12:58.020 Whoever fears Allah,
00:12:59.140 Allah will make a way out for him
00:13:00.400 from every difficulty.
00:13:02.020 And he will provide him with risk
00:13:03.580 from means of which he did not expect.
00:13:06.560 This verse was revealed
00:13:07.940 in Surah At-Talaq.
00:13:09.400 It's a surah
00:13:10.540 concerning marriage and divorce.
00:13:13.280 And what the Mufassirin of the Quran
00:13:14.800 have said is that
00:13:15.580 this ayah of risk,
00:13:17.940 that is that he will provide him with risk,
00:13:19.420 meaning Allah will provide you with a spouse,
00:13:22.140 a wife,
00:13:22.920 from somewhere you didn't even expect it.
00:13:24.820 So this is your orientation.
00:13:26.340 I fear Allah firstly and foremostly.
00:13:27.880 That's the first thing.
00:13:28.580 Done.
00:13:29.080 Okay?
00:13:29.480 Taking care of the obligations and whatnot.
00:13:31.200 After that,
00:13:32.560 you are not just hardworking,
00:13:34.720 not just ambitious,
00:13:36.000 but you're actually executing your plan.
00:13:39.100 You are on that path.
00:13:40.440 You are making headway,
00:13:42.100 even if it's slow.
00:13:43.460 You are,
00:13:44.180 the majority of your day is consumed
00:13:46.280 with whatever your professional goals,
00:13:48.380 ambitions,
00:13:49.460 strategy,
00:13:50.880 whatever it is.
00:13:51.500 That's where you spend
00:13:52.280 the majority of your time.
00:13:53.960 If you fear Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:13:55.320 and then you are that guy
00:13:57.060 who is spending the majority of his time
00:13:58.940 on productive endeavors
00:14:00.520 and doesn't suffer from vices,
00:14:02.820 porn,
00:14:03.240 masturbation,
00:14:03.840 etc.
00:14:04.340 You will start to develop this aura.
00:14:07.460 You will become a bent magnet.
00:14:10.280 You will become sick of it.
00:14:12.660 You will become scared
00:14:14.140 of filling all four spots
00:14:16.120 because you're like,
00:14:16.980 man,
00:14:17.520 only four?
00:14:18.720 But there's so much choice.
00:14:19.860 It's going to be like that for you.
00:14:21.560 So what's your orientation?
00:14:22.800 I fear Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:14:24.120 firstly and foremostly.
00:14:25.480 After that,
00:14:26.220 the majority of my day
00:14:27.180 is spent on productive endeavors
00:14:29.080 and I don't fall into vices
00:14:31.600 which goes into fear Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
00:14:34.640 This,
00:14:35.320 you are never going to have a shortage
00:14:37.560 of sisters who will want to marry you
00:14:39.380 because their sisters have this sixth sense.
00:14:41.620 They can like smell it.
00:14:43.040 It doesn't require an explanation.
00:14:44.700 By the way, sister,
00:14:45.500 this is my CV.
00:14:46.940 They can smell it.
00:14:48.800 There is something different about you.
00:14:51.580 There is this magnetic aura
00:14:53.460 that even they can't put it into words.
00:14:55.600 That's why I don't waste my time
00:14:56.400 asking them what do you want?
00:14:57.260 I don't care.
00:14:58.100 I already know what you want.
00:14:59.460 I know what you want.
00:15:00.360 Okay,
00:15:00.520 what is it what they want?
00:15:01.220 Tell us,
00:15:01.480 tell us,
00:15:01.860 I've written,
00:15:03.080 honestly,
00:15:03.560 I've written well.
00:15:04.100 Top 10!
00:15:04.520 But for some brothers that I don't know,
00:15:10.440 what else,
00:15:10.960 what other categories do you want?
00:15:11.700 Give me one or two more
00:15:12.580 that you believe a woman.
00:15:14.620 What?
00:15:15.140 Okay.
00:15:15.700 Because you've mentioned it.
00:15:16.880 Give a name to that.
00:15:17.480 You've mentioned something,
00:15:18.820 but give me a name.
00:15:19.900 You mentioned this term all the time,
00:15:21.340 all the time,
00:15:21.960 hypergamy.
00:15:22.480 Women are hypergamous by nature
00:15:23.640 and whatnot, yeah?
00:15:24.500 It all comes down to one thing.
00:15:26.580 One word,
00:15:27.140 security.
00:15:28.460 If you feel Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:15:29.860 to the best of your ability
00:15:30.780 because we're Muslims,
00:15:31.580 this is a Muslim podcast,
00:15:32.640 the majority of people are Muslim,
00:15:33.680 and then you're hardworking
00:15:35.600 and you're ambitious
00:15:36.420 and you're making actual progress
00:15:39.560 even if it's slow.
00:15:40.700 It's okay.
00:15:41.100 You could be broke,
00:15:41.780 bro.
00:15:41.860 That's not a problem.
00:15:42.920 The point is not how much money you have.
00:15:44.520 The point is you are on that mission.
00:15:47.000 You will craft something different
00:15:49.460 about those guys.
00:15:50.720 It's an energy that is hard to explain with words.
00:15:53.420 That's why I don't bother asking them
00:15:54.760 because even they can't put their finger on it
00:15:56.740 or define it with words.
00:15:58.120 They talk about the vibe.
00:15:59.540 What's the vibe?
00:16:00.680 It's this.
00:16:01.580 I'm telling you,
00:16:02.180 it's this.
00:16:02.440 I need the name for it.
00:16:03.680 What should we call it?
00:16:05.100 He wants to say it's me.
00:16:06.980 No, we need to call it Allah.
00:16:09.560 This is why it's very important.
00:16:12.840 Wallahi,
00:16:13.760 any good that you have,
00:16:14.680 anything,
00:16:15.660 anything,
00:16:16.580 is from Allah.
00:16:17.460 Of course.
00:16:18.100 As quickly,
00:16:18.800 as much,
00:16:19.340 He can take it from you.
00:16:20.380 And the reason why I say this over and over
00:16:21.840 is because I don't want to be tested
00:16:23.220 with it having been taken away from me.
00:16:25.020 I have been tested by Allah
00:16:26.400 with things taken away from me in the past.
00:16:28.160 And I didn't realize in the moment
00:16:30.500 that actually,
00:16:31.060 you know what?
00:16:31.700 I didn't fully deep.
00:16:32.760 This was from Allah to me.
00:16:34.260 Of course.
00:16:34.980 You see?
00:16:35.440 And He took it from me to humble me
00:16:37.280 and to show me,
00:16:38.120 look,
00:16:38.460 this was never you in the first place.
00:16:40.040 Exactly.
00:16:40.340 It was from me.
00:16:42.000 And to quote Tyson Fury,
00:16:43.240 who said in one of his fights once,
00:16:44.660 I give God the glory
00:16:46.480 and He gives me the victory.
00:16:49.020 That's it.
00:16:49.580 We put the actions into effect.
00:16:51.500 But actually,
00:16:52.080 the victory is from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
00:16:53.640 It's from Him.
00:16:54.100 He gives it to you.
00:16:55.300 It's from His mercy
00:16:56.020 and He can take it away from you.
00:16:57.440 I think,
00:16:57.840 sorry,
00:16:58.440 I think what's really quite profound here,
00:17:00.560 maybe,
00:17:01.840 it also really gives human beings
00:17:05.520 the idea of Tawheed.
00:17:07.460 When you recognize that your wives
00:17:09.700 and your wealth
00:17:10.540 and your health,
00:17:11.800 that all of these things
00:17:13.040 are His mercy
00:17:14.040 and He can take each of them away
00:17:16.140 for you to recognize Him.
00:17:17.760 Because if you look at
00:17:18.660 all of the prophets,
00:17:19.560 they've all been tested
00:17:21.240 with their health,
00:17:22.740 Ayyub alayhi salam,
00:17:23.800 with their children,
00:17:26.440 Yusuf alayhi salam,
00:17:27.840 what's Yusuf alayhi salam's father's name?
00:17:30.600 Yaqub alayhi salam.
00:17:31.880 So it's all,
00:17:32.820 I think what maybe,
00:17:34.560 what you're saying is that
00:17:35.940 there is this
00:17:37.140 test that we go through
00:17:40.620 in our lives
00:17:41.280 where we have to recognize
00:17:42.560 and become God conscious
00:17:44.280 that everything that's happening
00:17:45.700 is by His order.
00:17:47.920 Barakallahu alayhi salam.
00:17:48.300 And whether it's your wife
00:17:50.040 or your children
00:17:50.800 or your need to get married,
00:17:52.460 it will come from Him,
00:17:54.200 but your duty is
00:17:55.360 to connect with Him.
00:17:56.660 Let's use Ali as an example
00:17:57.760 for a second.
00:17:58.240 Sorry, Akhi Ali,
00:17:58.740 put you on the spot.
00:17:59.580 I'm finished.
00:18:01.000 I'm finished.
00:18:02.000 I want to use Ali,
00:18:02.720 okay,
00:18:03.080 Ali has,
00:18:03.740 Allahumma barak,
00:18:04.140 over a million subscribers
00:18:04.980 on YouTube,
00:18:05.480 okay?
00:18:05.700 Allahumma amin,
00:18:06.240 make it 2 million,
00:18:07.220 10 million.
00:18:07.580 If it's good for us.
00:18:08.080 This is from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,
00:18:09.560 okay,
00:18:10.000 the success of his channel
00:18:11.840 and whatnot.
00:18:12.500 But you can't say
00:18:13.640 that this is not
00:18:14.620 from strategic planning
00:18:15.920 and how to craft
00:18:17.060 and curate videos
00:18:18.100 over the long term,
00:18:20.200 what,
00:18:20.340 10 years plus now,
00:18:21.480 improving constantly
00:18:22.640 these micro adjustments
00:18:23.820 that you have to make
00:18:24.580 constantly.
00:18:25.460 The two are not
00:18:26.240 mutually exclusive.
00:18:27.620 It is from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:18:29.020 and it is also
00:18:30.100 from the action as well.
00:18:31.120 You've got to tie your camera.
00:18:31.960 You have to tie the both together.
00:18:33.020 Yes,
00:18:33.500 it's true.
00:18:34.180 I agree with that.
00:18:35.060 For example,
00:18:35.580 when it comes to the time
00:18:36.180 of the Prophet ﷺ,
00:18:36.700 the man,
00:18:37.000 he said,
00:18:37.360 for example,
00:18:37.800 why did you not tie your camel?
00:18:39.020 He said,
00:18:39.340 I put my trust in Allah.
00:18:40.220 The dynamics back then
00:18:41.040 were very interesting
00:18:41.640 because the man is saying,
00:18:42.680 he has,
00:18:43.200 it was like 90% tawakul,
00:18:44.960 10% me doing my bit.
00:18:46.820 The dynamics have shifted today.
00:18:48.300 It's 90% what I do,
00:18:49.840 10% tawakul in Allah.
00:18:51.340 Now we are in a situation
00:18:52.340 where the person
00:18:52.980 is not tying the camel.
00:18:54.020 They have strangled the camel
00:18:54.920 and the camel is dead.
00:18:56.160 Do you get it?
00:18:56.680 Because it's,
00:18:57.280 you know what it is?
00:18:58.020 It's a matter of tawheed.
00:18:59.320 I always tell this to people.
00:19:00.660 Everything that we go through
00:19:01.960 goes back to tawheed
00:19:03.120 because right now
00:19:04.020 you're saying,
00:19:04.860 I've tied my camel.
00:19:06.180 Now you're trusting Allah.
00:19:07.500 They're like,
00:19:07.880 I don't know.
00:19:09.080 Let me tie it again.
00:19:10.120 And you are there for so long,
00:19:11.620 your camel is dead
00:19:12.440 because you're thinking
00:19:13.740 it is in my hands.
00:19:15.260 It's not.
00:19:16.080 I personally ask people
00:19:17.320 to recline more to tawakul
00:19:18.680 than their own hands.
00:19:20.060 I believe both go simultaneously,
00:19:22.060 but I would say
00:19:22.680 incline a bit more to tawakul.
00:19:24.560 Do you get it?
00:19:24.880 But in today's time,
00:19:26.040 which we face is,
00:19:27.060 I call it the Amazon Prime Flex,
00:19:28.600 which is what?
00:19:29.360 I order from Amazon.
00:19:30.320 It comes back.
00:19:30.880 It comes back.
00:19:31.820 I mean,
00:19:32.100 I order,
00:19:32.400 it comes.
00:19:32.900 The following day,
00:19:33.420 I don't like it.
00:19:33.740 I send it back.
00:19:34.560 Fast cars,
00:19:35.140 fast time drives,
00:19:35.760 fast food.
00:19:36.600 Everything is so fast.
00:19:37.800 We implement this into our lifestyle.
00:19:39.360 I have a problem with Mehdi.
00:19:40.480 I've never seen anything good from him,
00:19:41.560 bro.
00:19:42.060 But what happened,
00:19:42.540 man?
00:19:42.600 You guys were like,
00:19:43.320 argument's sake.
00:19:43.800 Me and Mehdi,
00:19:44.200 we're not that close
00:19:44.780 because I don't know him.
00:19:45.720 But alhamdulillah,
00:19:46.600 I've went and eaten with him.
00:19:47.860 We've gone and chilled.
00:19:49.320 Argument's sake.
00:19:49.780 May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:19:50.320 increase our brotherhood.
00:19:51.300 The point is this,
00:19:52.520 but the moment we see something wrong,
00:19:54.420 what do we do?
00:19:55.020 What do I do with Amazon?
00:19:55.860 I don't like it,
00:19:56.360 but I'll send it back.
00:19:57.300 We apply this to our lifestyle.
00:19:58.980 Yeah?
00:19:59.720 So in a nutshell,
00:20:00.560 that's a whole,
00:20:01.380 kind of a different topic on itself.
00:20:02.840 Should we say,
00:20:03.500 should we call that thing
00:20:04.240 that you mentioned leadership?
00:20:06.240 Like,
00:20:06.740 frame.
00:20:07.840 One word.
00:20:08.680 Frame.
00:20:09.780 Frame.
00:20:10.880 Frame.
00:20:11.460 What do you mean by frame?
00:20:12.700 Because if you are doing
00:20:15.440 what you have to do as a man
00:20:16.540 and then you go on above
00:20:17.360 and beyond as well for that matter,
00:20:18.940 nothing needs to be explained.
00:20:20.180 Okay,
00:20:20.380 give me frame slash something.
00:20:21.700 We need to put our finger on this.
00:20:23.720 For the sake of the sisters.
00:20:24.800 Yes.
00:20:25.380 Frame slash,
00:20:26.200 what is it?
00:20:26.540 Is it leadership?
00:20:27.620 Is it security?
00:20:29.800 Like,
00:20:29.920 when we talk about security,
00:20:30.540 we've mentioned security
00:20:31.060 on their behalf,
00:20:31.740 yeah?
00:20:31.940 But a secure man,
00:20:33.520 should we call it a secure man?
00:20:35.020 Because you know the sisters
00:20:35.600 say you're insecure.
00:20:36.300 It's not what,
00:20:37.020 you're saying.
00:20:37.760 It's not what,
00:20:38.280 because what he's,
00:20:39.240 correct me if I'm wrong.
00:20:40.640 Should I just call it
00:20:40.800 the special formula?
00:20:41.820 No.
00:20:42.740 No,
00:20:43.140 because what he's really saying
00:20:45.640 is that you have to be,
00:20:47.380 and you have to be focused
00:20:49.220 on your goals and ambitions
00:20:50.820 to achieve
00:20:51.660 so that you can provide.
00:20:53.120 There's a name for it.
00:20:53.760 And that is God consciousness,
00:20:55.480 but you have to be working hard for that.
00:20:57.120 No,
00:20:57.420 he's relating God consciousness,
00:20:58.700 he's praising Allah
00:20:59.380 for what he has.
00:21:00.400 What he's talking about
00:21:01.200 is a formula which I know,
00:21:02.840 I have a jahiliya,
00:21:04.100 I know exactly what you're talking about.
00:21:05.400 I want to give a name to that
00:21:06.520 because I know what you're saying.
00:21:08.080 It's not something that you can explain,
00:21:09.320 it's something that you live
00:21:10.200 and show.
00:21:11.980 It's a force that people,
00:21:14.100 they're like,
00:21:14.580 okay,
00:21:14.820 I understand.
00:21:15.700 It's like talking without talking.
00:21:17.120 Did you get it?
00:21:17.600 In my country,
00:21:18.160 we say,
00:21:18.880 I'll speak a little,
00:21:19.620 you understand a lot.
00:21:20.560 Yeah?
00:21:20.660 But what do we...
00:21:22.540 Hold on,
00:21:23.180 hold on,
00:21:23.660 isn't there an Arabic word for that?
00:21:25.440 Isn't it masculine?
00:21:26.380 It's majesty.
00:21:28.280 You know,
00:21:29.120 in Arabic,
00:21:30.440 there's a word for it.
00:21:31.720 You know,
00:21:32.100 when you have...
00:21:33.220 It's how you carry yourself,
00:21:34.080 isn't it?
00:21:34.380 Yeah,
00:21:34.600 but there's a word for it
00:21:35.560 in Arabic.
00:21:36.720 How you carry,
00:21:37.780 how a man carries himself,
00:21:40.400 it's a jahlali.
00:21:42.700 You know,
00:21:42.980 like jahlali,
00:21:43.720 you have a jahlali masculinity
00:21:45.240 because there's jahlali
00:21:46.440 and jahmali.
00:21:47.440 Jahmali is like more beauty,
00:21:49.120 soft,
00:21:49.600 some people say feminine aura.
00:21:52.280 That's it.
00:21:53.780 Jahlali aura,
00:21:54.620 which is,
00:21:54.860 jahlali is majestic in Arabic
00:21:56.820 because Allah gives that to people.
00:21:57.460 I might start imagery and call it.
00:21:58.920 But I just want to preface one thing again
00:22:00.580 for the young men
00:22:01.200 who are watching you right now
00:22:02.240 and that is,
00:22:03.120 don't ask the question of
00:22:04.180 how do I get,
00:22:04.740 how do I,
00:22:05.200 this is not something you learn
00:22:06.560 or you read in a book.
00:22:08.640 It is a series of actions
00:22:10.000 that you yourself
00:22:10.800 are putting into play
00:22:11.740 every single day.
00:22:12.520 In fact,
00:22:12.700 I'm reminded of another ayah
00:22:13.920 in Surah Al-Mulk
00:22:14.500 where Allah says,
00:22:15.240 إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَخْشَوْنَا رَبَّهُمْ بِالْغَيْبِ
00:22:17.480 Those who fear their Lord in private,
00:22:20.240 they will have forgiveness
00:22:21.040 and a great reward.
00:22:22.220 Okay?
00:22:22.900 So,
00:22:23.220 you fear Allah
00:22:23.820 when no one's watching you.
00:22:25.100 You're on your own, bruv.
00:22:26.840 Nobody's watching you.
00:22:27.480 You're on your own.
00:22:28.080 And you're doing what,
00:22:29.020 and now I'm adding to that,
00:22:30.840 you're doing what you must
00:22:31.900 as a man
00:22:32.540 and then going above and beyond that.
00:22:34.360 Wallahi,
00:22:34.720 you're never going to have it.
00:22:35.540 Do you know the only problem
00:22:36.280 you're going to have with women?
00:22:37.740 How do I pick?
00:22:39.560 That's the only problem
00:22:40.240 you're ever going to have.
00:22:40.720 Hayba.
00:22:41.960 Hayba.
00:22:42.320 What's in English?
00:22:44.060 Hayba.
00:22:44.540 That's the word.
00:22:45.060 What's in English?
00:22:45.500 That is the word.
00:22:46.200 He can explain it.
00:22:47.080 No, he can't.
00:22:48.640 It's the right word.
00:22:49.360 It's the right word.
00:22:49.920 The only way I can explain it
00:22:51.040 is by saying it's that energy.
00:22:52.500 It's something.
00:22:53.480 It's Hayba.
00:22:54.440 But Hayba is connected
00:22:55.380 more to the religious sense.
00:22:56.280 And it's weird
00:22:56.980 because it's in Arabic
00:22:57.980 and Arabs will understand Hayba.
00:23:00.460 Let's do justice.
00:23:01.420 To the best of the masculine energy?
00:23:03.180 Masculine energy or...
00:23:04.240 Write Hayba.
00:23:04.960 See if they understand it.
00:23:05.880 No, no, no.
00:23:06.320 It's Hayba.
00:23:06.860 Who's that?
00:23:07.520 Someone in the comments
00:23:08.240 is going to let us know
00:23:08.880 what Hayba is.
00:23:09.240 Guys, time is running out.
00:23:11.240 Let's get...
00:23:11.560 Okay, we've got honesty.
00:23:12.580 We've got wealth.
00:23:13.340 We've got security.
00:23:14.440 This Hayba.
00:23:17.080 Last, what's the...
00:23:18.200 What's one other thing
00:23:19.260 that we believe
00:23:19.760 all women look for?
00:23:21.420 Status.
00:23:23.220 Status.
00:23:23.540 I like that.
00:23:24.120 I like that.
00:23:25.180 Because a woman
00:23:26.200 will pick a man
00:23:27.500 with status.
00:23:28.640 I like that.
00:23:29.420 Don't you think women
00:23:30.080 look for attraction?
00:23:30.640 That can be online
00:23:31.080 and offline, by the way.
00:23:32.080 Yeah, yeah.
00:23:32.700 We missed that one.
00:23:33.320 Attraction.
00:23:33.840 Attraction is not important.
00:23:35.020 They are...
00:23:35.560 Depends, it's accurate.
00:23:36.480 With us, we are like...
00:23:39.080 Sometimes you see a woman
00:23:40.120 with a brother
00:23:40.740 who just...
00:23:41.760 He might not be pleased
00:23:42.800 into the eye, yeah?
00:23:43.460 Like, I just want to...
00:23:44.000 Creation is beautiful.
00:23:44.940 But with women,
00:23:45.860 it's that status, yeah?
00:23:47.060 If you're a man,
00:23:48.000 your looks might not be
00:23:49.220 just there.
00:23:50.080 But when you have
00:23:50.640 certain status
00:23:51.620 or you have wealth,
00:23:53.280 it's...
00:23:53.800 In a woman's eye,
00:23:54.460 you become attractive.
00:23:55.420 Yeah, you become attractive.
00:23:56.400 So attraction is important, though.
00:23:57.980 But I think this fits
00:23:58.800 into this status thing.
00:24:00.600 You know, I read once, right?
00:24:02.160 It attracts them.
00:24:02.560 That women are valued
00:24:04.480 for two things
00:24:05.580 and men are valued
00:24:06.620 for two things.
00:24:07.460 Okay.
00:24:07.680 Men are valued
00:24:08.820 for wealth and status.
00:24:11.220 Yes.
00:24:11.440 And women are valued
00:24:12.900 for youth and beauty.
00:24:15.180 Yep.
00:24:15.800 These very cool things.
00:24:17.760 Okay, one last thing.
00:24:18.460 So we've got here
00:24:19.020 honesty, wealth, security,
00:24:21.540 a status slash masculine,
00:24:22.940 whatever it is.
00:24:23.360 No doubt.
00:24:23.800 I just want to add
00:24:24.660 as a caveat to status
00:24:25.660 that it doesn't have
00:24:26.460 to be online status.
00:24:27.640 It could, for example,
00:24:28.260 be you're like...
00:24:29.060 Yes, anything.
00:24:29.840 An imam in the community.
00:24:31.340 Nothing.
00:24:31.460 Anything.
00:24:31.760 For example,
00:24:32.380 you're somebody
00:24:32.760 who's responsible
00:24:33.340 for organising events.
00:24:34.560 People recognise you
00:24:36.160 as someone who's
00:24:36.820 responsible for something.
00:24:38.180 It's not societal order,
00:24:39.220 isn't it?
00:24:39.560 It's being high up
00:24:40.560 in that societal order,
00:24:41.500 basically.
00:24:42.500 It's...
00:24:42.980 Was it hypergumns,
00:24:44.040 you said?
00:24:44.520 Hypergumns, yeah.
00:24:45.060 So it's an essential
00:24:45.840 component of that,
00:24:46.660 isn't it?
00:24:46.960 Having a high status,
00:24:48.180 people will look up to you,
00:24:49.340 people will come for you
00:24:49.980 for wisdom.
00:24:50.720 Women value that,
00:24:51.740 they look for that.
00:24:52.660 If you're a man
00:24:53.260 who has no societal standards,
00:24:55.000 women aren't going
00:24:55.840 to be attracted to you.
00:24:56.140 When we talk about
00:24:56.560 societal standards,
00:24:57.100 for example,
00:24:57.700 arguments sake,
00:24:58.280 like Professor Taj,
00:24:58.880 you are into your
00:24:59.660 bodybuilding, yeah?
00:25:00.820 You do security.
00:25:01.580 I believe you're
00:25:02.260 a man of status
00:25:03.380 because the fact that,
00:25:04.840 for example,
00:25:05.200 you're sitting here,
00:25:06.000 I look at your shoulders
00:25:07.260 and I get a little bit
00:25:08.080 intimidated, yeah?
00:25:09.400 The point is this,
00:25:10.900 you also decide
00:25:11.300 you have a status.
00:25:12.560 Masha,
00:25:12.800 you're a handsome brother,
00:25:13.680 you have status,
00:25:14.200 you're doing something,
00:25:15.120 you're driven,
00:25:15.620 you're out there.
00:25:16.280 Yeah, but that's
00:25:16.700 coming under hard working
00:25:18.060 or some type of motivation.
00:25:20.380 But here,
00:25:20.860 what we're talking about
00:25:21.480 from a woman's psychology,
00:25:23.160 you, I believe,
00:25:24.240 fit into that status.
00:25:25.220 Do you get what I'm saying?
00:25:25.820 Every man,
00:25:26.740 it's not like,
00:25:27.340 yes, you have the one
00:25:28.140 that's the top G,
00:25:29.340 like, okay.
00:25:30.280 But we're talking about,
00:25:31.160 it's not just,
00:25:31.780 that's it,
00:25:32.100 there's people underneath
00:25:33.000 there as well
00:25:33.480 that fit in,
00:25:34.540 maybe not that quality
00:25:35.740 in that sense,
00:25:36.400 but they can fit into that.
00:25:37.760 Many men can fit into that
00:25:38.680 in different ways.
00:25:39.180 But another thing
00:25:39.680 we've forgotten about
00:25:40.380 is character.
00:25:41.060 We've never said a character.
00:25:42.140 You know,
00:25:42.280 you think a woman,
00:25:42.980 a man can have everything
00:25:43.860 if he doesn't have
00:25:44.560 a good character.
00:25:45.020 Okay, so you're saying character?
00:25:46.640 Character, yeah.
00:25:47.200 Okay, and also,
00:25:47.980 you work at the doors.
00:25:49.780 Yeah, I've had a jahiri
00:25:50.640 going clubs, etc.
00:25:51.600 Yeah, I'm just saying
00:25:52.080 this for the benefit.
00:25:52.920 Let me say,
00:25:53.340 bouncers, DJ,
00:25:55.080 they're getting girls.
00:25:56.440 They're getting girls.
00:25:57.100 Bouncers,
00:25:57.600 you know what it is?
00:25:58.320 Why?
00:25:59.160 What do they have?
00:26:00.340 The reason women
00:26:01.040 like bouncers
00:26:01.840 is because you have this
00:26:03.720 manly thing about you.
00:26:05.760 Thank you.
00:26:06.060 Yeah, so the thing is
00:26:06.880 you're controlling.
00:26:08.000 You're the one who decides
00:26:09.160 are you coming in or not.
00:26:10.380 You're the one when they fight.
00:26:11.240 Do you see?
00:26:11.880 And even a DJ.
00:26:13.040 Yeah.
00:26:14.020 Sometimes like,
00:26:14.860 in clubs,
00:26:15.240 I knew in the world
00:26:16.200 it was like,
00:26:16.740 you know,
00:26:17.000 the guy doesn't even look the part.
00:26:18.300 But it's the status.
00:26:19.460 And I don't know
00:26:19.880 if it was Jordan Peterson,
00:26:21.420 which I despise now.
00:26:23.780 Dirtbag.
00:26:24.780 But there's some studies
00:26:25.600 he does in psychology.
00:26:26.640 He was talking about a woman
00:26:27.420 who,
00:26:28.080 she was in a meeting
00:26:29.280 and this guy came in
00:26:30.020 like a boss
00:26:30.700 and he was there
00:26:31.280 and he was just,
00:26:32.040 and she goes,
00:26:32.340 I felt so attracted to him.
00:26:33.640 He goes,
00:26:33.940 I saw the same man
00:26:35.200 in a specific meeting
00:26:37.100 and he was being bossed around.
00:26:38.820 I lost attraction to him.
00:26:39.960 Yeah.
00:26:40.320 And also there was this
00:26:41.380 other woman
00:26:42.160 who was in Rogan's podcast.
00:26:43.820 She was like,
00:26:44.240 oh,
00:26:44.460 my boyfriend,
00:26:45.540 MMA.
00:26:46.180 And then he was getting beat up
00:26:47.220 and he did this.
00:26:48.820 And he goes,
00:26:49.440 he goes,
00:26:49.720 I was so,
00:26:50.180 can you imagine?
00:26:50.780 This is what we're talking about.
00:26:52.160 When people think
00:26:52.660 we're here chatting
00:26:53.160 out of our backsides,
00:26:54.620 this is a reality.
00:26:55.500 In her case,
00:26:56.480 she was also
00:26:57.120 a world Muay Thai champion.
00:26:58.620 Exactly.
00:27:00.020 So she needs somebody
00:27:01.040 because women date.
00:27:01.800 Who's more than her.
00:27:02.620 Exactly.
00:27:03.300 Thank you.
00:27:04.120 Yes, Aki.
00:27:04.560 So I say this for the benefit
00:27:06.380 of the viewers watching at home.
00:27:07.480 I'm not saying this to boast
00:27:08.440 or anything.
00:27:09.300 So one of my jobs,
00:27:10.960 I work in the entertainment industry
00:27:12.200 and I don't want to say
00:27:14.420 exactly what,
00:27:15.400 but essentially,
00:27:16.580 once I started doing that,
00:27:17.800 my status got so high.
00:27:19.300 I was getting like,
00:27:20.940 obviously looking back at it now,
00:27:22.520 you know,
00:27:22.760 it's not good,
00:27:23.280 but I was getting DMs
00:27:24.480 from everyone.
00:27:25.280 Exactly.
00:27:25.740 Like females,
00:27:26.800 right?
00:27:26.920 I say this for the benefit
00:27:28.220 of the viewers at home.
00:27:29.200 My ego was so high.
00:27:30.580 I didn't know how to control it.
00:27:31.540 I didn't know what to do,
00:27:32.260 but my status was so high.
00:27:33.880 It's like you're in a coffee now.
00:27:34.840 Exactly.
00:27:35.220 And I'll be honest,
00:27:35.720 in terms of looks and character,
00:27:37.300 I'm very average, right?
00:27:38.800 But when I got that,
00:27:39.820 when I...
00:27:40.400 You're a handsome man.
00:27:40.880 I was waiting for you to say that.
00:27:42.260 I said that on purpose
00:27:43.420 so you could say something.
00:27:45.040 Oh, it's called humble arrogance.
00:27:47.100 But genuinely,
00:27:48.680 like Allah's my witness.
00:27:50.160 When I started doing that,
00:27:51.820 I started getting so much attention.
00:27:53.220 I didn't know how to deal with it.
00:27:54.400 And that made me realise
00:27:55.660 it's more like women do look up
00:27:57.380 for people within like
00:27:58.720 sort of a status level.
00:27:59.780 Women like men.
00:28:00.340 And it could be anything.
00:28:01.080 It could be in security,
00:28:03.000 it could be entertainment,
00:28:03.880 it could be anything.
00:28:04.540 Anything.
00:28:04.980 That's what we say.
00:28:05.600 Women like a man with power.
00:28:06.880 Okay, so guys,
00:28:07.660 I've written down honesty,
00:28:09.100 wealth, security,
00:28:10.760 status slash masculine,
00:28:11.940 and character, yeah?
00:28:12.840 Those are things
00:28:13.260 we're going to leave
00:28:13.600 with the sisters, inshallah.
00:28:14.520 And I mentioned this
00:28:15.360 in my marriage documentary.
00:28:16.140 When I first came to Islam,
00:28:17.540 there was...
00:28:17.900 Before I came to Islam, bro,
00:28:18.880 there was...
00:28:19.580 I used to go to university
00:28:20.500 and I was looking into Islam.
00:28:21.620 There was certain sisters
00:28:22.480 that I kind of approached
00:28:23.680 for marriage.
00:28:24.580 And they were not really
00:28:25.240 that interesting.
00:28:26.300 I mentioned this in my documentary.
00:28:27.280 These are real things
00:28:28.180 that I lived through, yeah?
00:28:28.760 The same sisters,
00:28:30.120 when I became Ali Dawah,
00:28:32.060 yeah, when it transformed,
00:28:32.860 I don't know,
00:28:33.060 I was the same person,
00:28:33.600 but when I transformed, yeah?
00:28:35.660 The same sisters,
00:28:36.700 all of a sudden,
00:28:37.440 bro, in Instagram,
00:28:38.960 oh yeah, I saw your stuff,
00:28:39.940 et cetera, et cetera.
00:28:40.980 I was like, what changed?
00:28:42.240 What changed, bro?
00:28:43.140 I was like, what changed?
00:28:44.400 You just see,
00:28:44.960 it's in their blood, bro.
00:28:45.680 They're hardwired.
00:28:46.560 Do you get what I'm trying to say?
00:28:47.280 It's like that.
00:28:47.840 But anyways,
00:28:48.300 we've got our five.
00:28:49.540 We're not going to show them
00:28:50.100 to the sisters.
00:28:50.880 We're going to let the sisters
00:28:51.580 now react to our list
00:28:54.380 that we've made.
00:28:54.880 And let's see if there's
00:28:55.740 any match or not,
00:28:56.800 inshallah,
00:28:57.320 we're going to go to the sisters,
00:28:58.200 inshallah,
00:28:58.420 we're going to leave
00:28:58.820 the stage of the sofa,
00:29:01.000 inshallah.
00:29:01.460 Let's go to them.
00:29:02.160 Salamu.
00:29:03.820 Okay, so what do you guys
00:29:05.220 look for in a husband?
00:29:06.340 Please write four to five things,
00:29:08.660 discuss it amongst yourself,
00:29:09.600 inshallah,
00:29:10.240 and then we're going to send you
00:29:11.240 our results in 15 minutes.
00:29:12.760 What do you guys look for in a husband?
00:29:14.040 What was just a...
00:29:14.800 Okay, girls.
00:29:15.660 Money?
00:29:16.160 How many do I come?
00:29:17.580 No, you're not joking.
00:29:19.000 I'm not actually joking.
00:29:20.300 We're not joking.
00:29:20.900 We do want a man
00:29:23.000 who can financially provide.
00:29:25.260 There's nothing wrong with it.
00:29:26.260 You know what?
00:29:26.580 From the Western standard,
00:29:30.800 we would be seen as gold diggers.
00:29:32.680 But listen,
00:29:33.920 this is our right, yeah?
00:29:35.240 This is our right
00:29:35.940 given to us by Allah.
00:29:37.380 So who are you to say that?
00:29:38.820 Listen,
00:29:39.780 a man is supposed
00:29:41.020 to be providing anyway.
00:29:42.520 So we do want a man
00:29:44.100 who's financially stable
00:29:45.140 and who is going to provide
00:29:46.860 for our basic necessities.
00:29:48.340 We're not asking for much,
00:29:49.320 by the way.
00:29:49.640 We're not asking you
00:29:50.640 to buy us a Lamborghini
00:29:52.780 and a house.
00:29:54.200 Yeah, so if I had to put that
00:29:56.180 as a point,
00:29:57.720 I would say
00:29:58.840 what I look for
00:30:01.120 in a man
00:30:01.780 is a leader.
00:30:05.280 So I'll explain that further.
00:30:07.460 A leader meaning
00:30:08.340 someone who will lead me,
00:30:10.580 someone who I can trust
00:30:11.600 and I'll respect
00:30:13.160 your decisions
00:30:13.800 and I'll let you
00:30:15.020 do your thing
00:30:15.780 and I'll go with the flow
00:30:17.080 because you're a level-headed man,
00:30:20.200 you know what you're doing.
00:30:20.840 but also you have to lead
00:30:22.440 my kids as well.
00:30:25.120 That's one point,
00:30:26.540 I would say.
00:30:31.280 Okay, so
00:30:32.340 obviously this is not
00:30:34.200 just the one point,
00:30:35.840 but to add,
00:30:37.180 I would say
00:30:39.060 respect
00:30:39.780 and acknowledgement
00:30:42.540 are probably
00:30:43.480 like the two things.
00:30:44.900 Obviously,
00:30:45.440 I want to add
00:30:46.360 like the Dean aspect,
00:30:47.760 I feel like
00:30:48.580 that would be
00:30:49.460 personally stating
00:30:50.480 the obvious.
00:30:51.600 So I'm not adding
00:30:53.540 that in
00:30:54.180 in its entirety
00:30:56.440 at the moment,
00:30:57.140 but with the respect
00:30:59.180 and the
00:31:00.480 acknowledgement aspect
00:31:03.140 and what I mean
00:31:03.960 by that,
00:31:04.340 respect,
00:31:05.200 when someone has
00:31:06.240 respect for you,
00:31:07.040 I feel that
00:31:07.900 everything else
00:31:09.580 falls into place
00:31:10.500 and
00:31:12.020 it can be
00:31:13.560 the foundation
00:31:14.240 of everything else
00:31:15.460 that we ask for
00:31:16.440 or expect
00:31:18.040 and
00:31:19.100 that's why
00:31:20.080 I do see that
00:31:21.280 as a fundamental
00:31:22.040 and a core value.
00:31:24.900 Second to that
00:31:25.920 would be
00:31:26.640 the acknowledgement.
00:31:28.420 What I mean
00:31:28.760 by acknowledgement
00:31:29.320 as a female,
00:31:30.860 we'd like to be
00:31:31.460 recognised
00:31:32.160 for our efforts
00:31:34.360 or,
00:31:35.060 you know,
00:31:35.340 just for what we do
00:31:36.300 in the same way
00:31:37.020 men do as well.
00:31:38.660 Like they want
00:31:39.200 to be recognised
00:31:40.020 for what they put
00:31:41.580 into the marriage
00:31:42.780 but I feel like
00:31:44.280 with females
00:31:45.280 perhaps
00:31:45.760 there's a lot
00:31:47.180 more needed
00:31:48.180 with regards
00:31:49.100 to the physical
00:31:49.900 aspects
00:31:50.560 and we do expect
00:31:52.020 kind of
00:31:53.100 acknowledgement
00:31:53.640 over the way
00:31:54.700 we look
00:31:55.280 which is not so much
00:31:56.520 I feel
00:31:57.180 with the males
00:31:58.300 they don't expect
00:31:59.060 that as much
00:31:59.860 and,
00:32:01.920 you know,
00:32:02.240 we do put,
00:32:03.000 we do centre ourselves
00:32:03.900 a lot around beauty
00:32:05.100 so we want
00:32:07.200 that to be seen
00:32:08.240 and I feel like
00:32:09.900 when that is
00:32:10.520 missed out
00:32:11.260 in a marriage
00:32:12.680 it can bring down
00:32:14.460 the female morale
00:32:15.440 and it can cause
00:32:17.940 or can trigger
00:32:18.840 for other issues
00:32:20.240 to arise
00:32:20.840 in the other
00:32:21.600 aspects
00:32:23.080 of the marriage.
00:32:24.520 we're just spilling
00:32:26.580 out some points
00:32:27.340 we've got a whole list
00:32:28.840 mate
00:32:29.100 but it's just
00:32:30.220 some points
00:32:30.660 that we're going
00:32:31.060 to spill out
00:32:31.960 I'm just going
00:32:34.340 to add
00:32:34.680 again
00:32:36.380 obedience
00:32:37.100 and what I mean
00:32:38.440 by that
00:32:38.760 is like
00:32:39.220 he's just
00:32:39.860 a genuinely
00:32:40.560 obedient man
00:32:41.500 to his role
00:32:42.620 and to his God
00:32:43.420 because
00:32:44.340 again like you said
00:32:45.620 everything else
00:32:46.800 comes after that
00:32:47.980 if the man's
00:32:48.480 obedient to Allah
00:32:49.260 and I really mean
00:32:51.020 this
00:32:51.180 if he's obedient
00:32:51.840 to Allah
00:32:52.240 everything else
00:32:53.420 comes
00:32:53.660 he's respectful
00:32:54.280 he's mindful
00:32:55.740 I'm not going
00:32:57.120 to go more
00:32:58.100 into the obedience
00:32:58.620 because again
00:32:59.360 if he's a Muslim
00:33:00.060 man he should
00:33:00.520 just be like that
00:33:01.620 we expect him
00:33:02.240 to be like that
00:33:02.640 but mindful
00:33:04.200 just be mindful
00:33:05.500 be mindful
00:33:06.240 that you've
00:33:06.860 married someone's
00:33:07.680 daughter
00:33:07.960 you have
00:33:09.200 obligation
00:33:09.980 to look after her
00:33:10.940 you have a duty
00:33:11.800 to God
00:33:12.900 to protect
00:33:13.700 women and children
00:33:14.400 and from that
00:33:16.040 for me
00:33:16.420 everything else
00:33:17.140 falls in place
00:33:17.720 if he's mindful
00:33:18.320 of who he is
00:33:19.300 what he's supposed
00:33:19.720 to be doing
00:33:20.120 and his job
00:33:20.640 and his role
00:33:21.120 inshallah
00:33:22.020 that is an
00:33:23.720 ultimate
00:33:24.580 win for me
00:33:27.340 yeah
00:33:27.660 I agree with that
00:33:29.380 I was going to say
00:33:29.860 you're absolutely right
00:33:30.740 when a man is
00:33:31.420 conscious of God
00:33:32.340 in all aspects
00:33:34.100 of his life
00:33:34.780 in every single
00:33:36.200 step of the way
00:33:37.660 you think about Allah
00:33:38.600 you're going to
00:33:40.400 naturally fall
00:33:41.320 into line
00:33:41.960 with you know
00:33:43.280 what a husband
00:33:44.000 should be
00:33:44.660 and how you
00:33:45.480 should be treating
00:33:46.440 another
00:33:47.260 another
00:33:48.120 another person's
00:33:50.000 daughter
00:33:50.380 exactly
00:33:51.100 that's literally
00:33:51.680 what it is
00:33:52.040 because
00:33:52.200 if you was to
00:33:53.960 put if you
00:33:54.480 as a man
00:33:55.360 if you was to
00:33:55.880 be put in that
00:33:56.380 position where
00:33:57.100 your daughter
00:33:57.760 is looking for
00:34:00.460 a looking for
00:34:01.360 a husband
00:34:01.740 you would want
00:34:02.720 that man to
00:34:03.600 you would make
00:34:04.340 sure that man
00:34:05.100 takes care of
00:34:06.000 your daughter
00:34:06.520 so why wouldn't
00:34:07.460 you do that
00:34:07.900 for somebody
00:34:08.340 else's daughter
00:34:09.040 that you've
00:34:09.440 just married
00:34:09.980 yeah
00:34:10.420 so yeah
00:34:12.260 just
00:34:12.520 I also want to
00:34:13.640 add a twist
00:34:14.400 as well
00:34:14.900 yeah
00:34:15.140 because
00:34:15.560 this is
00:34:16.120 something
00:34:16.340 I've
00:34:16.660 recently
00:34:17.220 surfaced
00:34:18.800 within my
00:34:19.720 own
00:34:20.020 research
00:34:20.800 that
00:34:22.000 I'm looking
00:34:23.420 me personally
00:34:24.220 myself
00:34:24.660 from my
00:34:24.920 experience
00:34:25.300 I'm looking
00:34:25.820 for flaws
00:34:26.320 I'm actually
00:34:28.140 looking for
00:34:28.500 someone who
00:34:28.980 wears their
00:34:29.540 flaws on their
00:34:30.120 sleeve rather
00:34:30.640 than hides it
00:34:31.360 because
00:34:31.620 when you're
00:34:32.920 going into
00:34:33.600 you know
00:34:34.360 when we're
00:34:34.680 looking for a
00:34:35.120 spouse
00:34:35.340 we constantly
00:34:36.240 we always
00:34:37.180 put perfections
00:34:38.340 above flaws
00:34:39.380 I think this is
00:34:40.220 why a lot of
00:34:40.560 people make
00:34:40.780 mistakes
00:34:41.200 they're looking
00:34:41.800 for
00:34:42.000 okay
00:34:42.300 he's perfect
00:34:43.640 in this aspect
00:34:44.460 he's perfect
00:34:44.960 in this area
00:34:45.640 he's perfectly
00:34:46.280 doing this
00:34:46.740 he's perfectly
00:34:47.100 doing his dean
00:34:47.840 like we spoke
00:34:48.480 about
00:34:48.760 he looks
00:34:49.480 he's got the
00:34:50.080 throw bomb
00:34:50.460 the kufi
00:34:51.100 but the man's
00:34:52.180 doing a madness
00:34:52.600 in the background
00:34:53.200 do you understand
00:34:54.040 yeah so you're
00:34:54.860 looking for
00:34:55.240 authenticity
00:34:55.800 yeah
00:34:56.680 not necessarily
00:34:58.060 authenticity
00:34:58.640 I just want
00:34:59.660 people to be
00:35:00.360 mindful
00:35:00.920 and be
00:35:02.260 where their
00:35:03.620 discomfort
00:35:04.100 standing in your
00:35:05.800 discomfort
00:35:06.180 I know
00:35:06.540 if you're
00:35:07.120 not
00:35:07.380 let me just
00:35:08.440 say this
00:35:09.300 if you're
00:35:09.540 not perfect
00:35:10.180 that's okay
00:35:11.360 just be okay
00:35:12.680 not being
00:35:13.120 perfect
00:35:13.480 but when you
00:35:14.420 try to come
00:35:15.160 across as
00:35:15.720 perfect
00:35:16.100 and I've
00:35:17.080 got all this
00:35:17.580 in order
00:35:17.940 and that
00:35:18.200 in order
00:35:18.560 and oh yeah
00:35:19.140 I've got this
00:35:19.740 going on
00:35:20.040 it's like
00:35:21.440 you're selling
00:35:21.760 a delusion
00:35:22.340 a fake
00:35:22.960 illusion
00:35:23.340 to somebody
00:35:23.920 but if
00:35:24.540 someone comes
00:35:25.060 to me
00:35:25.300 and says
00:35:25.660 look
00:35:26.060 I'm not
00:35:27.240 perfect
00:35:27.580 I don't
00:35:28.940 have a lot
00:35:29.540 of money
00:35:29.840 I don't
00:35:30.340 have this
00:35:30.720 I'm more
00:35:31.560 inclined to
00:35:33.300 accept that
00:35:33.900 than someone
00:35:34.580 who's trying
00:35:35.120 to paint a
00:35:35.660 perfect picture
00:35:36.180 to me
00:35:36.520 and be
00:35:37.740 something that
00:35:38.280 they think
00:35:38.700 I want
00:35:39.260 just be
00:35:40.300 just wear
00:35:40.820 your flaws
00:35:41.340 like I'm
00:35:41.740 not perfect
00:35:42.360 I've got
00:35:43.040 no feel
00:35:43.400 towel
00:35:43.680 at the best
00:35:44.860 of times
00:35:45.380 but I'd
00:35:46.500 rather you
00:35:46.980 accept me
00:35:47.500 as that
00:35:47.840 because that's
00:35:48.260 what you're
00:35:48.520 going to
00:35:48.720 actually get
00:35:49.440 to get it
00:35:50.140 so if a
00:35:51.140 guy comes
00:35:51.700 and he's
00:35:52.760 wearing his
00:35:53.400 flaws on his
00:35:54.000 sleeves
00:35:54.280 as bad as
00:35:54.820 it sounds
00:35:55.440 you're more
00:35:57.180 likely going to
00:35:57.660 accept that
00:35:58.080 from the
00:35:58.320 person
00:35:58.380 but that
00:35:58.880 doesn't
00:35:59.140 sound bad
00:35:59.600 because there's
00:36:00.500 a level of
00:36:01.080 humility
00:36:01.580 in you
00:36:03.440 saying look
00:36:04.320 like I will
00:36:06.280 provide
00:36:06.900 let's say
00:36:07.660 for example
00:36:08.460 let's say
00:36:08.720 a man says
00:36:09.120 I will
00:36:09.480 provide you
00:36:10.600 all your
00:36:11.400 rights
00:36:12.960 but then I do
00:36:13.940 have like
00:36:14.420 let's say I do
00:36:15.240 have some
00:36:15.580 character flaws
00:36:16.300 that I am
00:36:17.320 working on
00:36:18.440 you are
00:36:19.800 you're more
00:36:20.520 willing to
00:36:21.060 accept that
00:36:22.220 because for
00:36:23.500 me what's
00:36:24.140 important is
00:36:24.920 that you
00:36:25.620 accept and
00:36:26.780 you acknowledge
00:36:27.320 that you have
00:36:28.000 these flaws
00:36:28.500 and it takes
00:36:29.760 a strong
00:36:31.000 person to do
00:36:31.780 that
00:36:32.000 because you've
00:36:32.960 looked inwards
00:36:34.000 and you're like
00:36:34.340 okay these are
00:36:35.200 the things I
00:36:36.240 need to work
00:36:36.920 on and I do
00:36:37.920 lack it
00:36:38.500 like you've
00:36:39.300 acknowledged that
00:36:39.840 to yourself
00:36:40.280 and that to me
00:36:41.180 shows growth
00:36:42.140 and being open
00:36:43.180 about it
00:36:43.640 I just feel
00:36:44.080 like a man
00:36:44.740 is that who
00:36:45.460 he comes and
00:36:46.140 is open and
00:36:46.960 honest and is
00:36:48.260 accountable and
00:36:49.000 he's responsible
00:36:49.600 for his flaws
00:36:50.380 accountability
00:36:51.100 his weaknesses
00:36:52.180 that's so
00:36:53.260 attractive
00:36:53.720 the word
00:36:54.680 is accountability
00:36:55.520 for me I'd
00:36:57.320 rather choose
00:36:57.880 that man over
00:36:58.640 the man that's
00:36:59.260 pretending
00:36:59.680 you're just
00:37:00.120 faking it
00:37:01.180 you're faking
00:37:01.820 it to make
00:37:02.280 some of them
00:37:03.480 do get through
00:37:04.060 the hoop
00:37:04.560 but they don't
00:37:05.220 have a good
00:37:05.540 landing
00:37:05.880 do you get
00:37:06.860 it you get
00:37:07.380 through the hoop
00:37:07.860 with the lies
00:37:08.540 it's true
00:37:09.260 and it's about
00:37:09.860 managing expectations
00:37:11.100 I feel like
00:37:11.700 when you over
00:37:12.560 inflate the
00:37:15.500 expectations
00:37:16.260 of the you know
00:37:17.740 whatever the
00:37:18.400 other person
00:37:18.940 the wife
00:37:19.860 you know
00:37:20.440 is expecting
00:37:21.100 and you live
00:37:22.240 up to those
00:37:23.020 her expectations
00:37:24.660 because she's
00:37:25.420 been honest
00:37:26.420 with what she
00:37:26.920 wants and
00:37:27.440 you've actually
00:37:28.420 been dishonest
00:37:29.480 by over
00:37:30.460 inflating the
00:37:31.100 reality
00:37:31.560 you're going to
00:37:32.620 face the
00:37:32.980 disappointment
00:37:33.500 later on
00:37:34.700 in the
00:37:35.140 marriage
00:37:35.680 and that's
00:37:36.660 when it's
00:37:37.000 going to
00:37:37.160 start to
00:37:37.520 crumble
00:37:37.800 because she's
00:37:38.460 going to
00:37:38.800 feel deceived
00:37:39.540 and that's
00:37:40.560 what it
00:37:41.000 comes down
00:37:41.460 to
00:37:41.640 no one
00:37:42.080 wants to
00:37:42.440 deal with
00:37:42.800 deceit
00:37:43.360 and it's
00:37:44.160 going to
00:37:45.320 put into
00:37:45.720 question
00:37:46.200 other aspects
00:37:47.320 if she's
00:37:48.200 coming to
00:37:48.660 the marriage
00:37:49.100 with the
00:37:49.700 expectations
00:37:50.320 that you've
00:37:51.200 presented to
00:37:52.300 her
00:37:52.740 fulfilled her
00:37:54.200 at the
00:37:54.880 time
00:37:55.280 and then
00:37:55.700 that's not
00:37:56.100 the reality
00:37:56.700 it's not
00:37:57.880 going to
00:37:58.340 last long
00:37:58.900 term
00:37:59.300 there's only
00:38:00.020 so much
00:38:00.580 true
00:38:00.900 you're going
00:38:01.820 to break
00:38:02.360 that person
00:38:03.080 down
00:38:03.600 and she
00:38:04.860 will exit
00:38:05.500 the marriage
00:38:06.060 and you
00:38:07.160 know it's
00:38:07.940 so don't
00:38:08.540 don't sell
00:38:09.000 a lie is
00:38:09.520 essentially
00:38:09.940 what I'm
00:38:10.380 saying
00:38:10.600 like sister
00:38:11.960 said you
00:38:13.220 just be
00:38:14.120 honest with
00:38:14.680 who you
00:38:14.960 are there
00:38:15.320 will be
00:38:15.720 someone that
00:38:16.680 will be
00:38:17.340 accepting
00:38:18.320 and understanding
00:38:19.400 of whatever
00:38:20.020 situation you
00:38:21.060 have whether
00:38:21.500 it's that
00:38:21.920 you know you
00:38:22.800 have a job
00:38:23.580 that is not
00:38:24.460 as well paid
00:38:25.120 as you would
00:38:25.580 hope you know
00:38:26.400 Allah will
00:38:26.780 provide later
00:38:27.400 on if you
00:38:27.940 have that
00:38:28.260 mindset
00:38:28.680 and she's
00:38:29.720 she has
00:38:30.320 that mindset
00:38:30.800 you're going
00:38:31.220 to match
00:38:31.640 but to
00:38:32.320 pretend that
00:38:33.880 you're earning
00:38:34.780 x amount
00:38:35.440 and that
00:38:35.780 you're going
00:38:36.100 to be taken
00:38:36.600 on free
00:38:37.300 holidays a
00:38:37.920 year
00:38:38.220 only for
00:38:39.280 her to
00:38:39.740 be brought
00:38:40.480 into that
00:38:41.000 because that's
00:38:41.620 what she
00:38:42.060 wants
00:38:42.500 you know
00:38:42.740 I'm saying
00:38:43.040 it's me
00:38:43.480 but it's
00:38:45.260 and then
00:38:46.060 you not
00:38:46.740 fulfilling
00:38:47.180 that
00:38:47.660 then it's
00:38:49.000 going to
00:38:49.200 cause
00:38:49.400 arguments
00:38:49.920 and that's
00:38:50.320 when she's
00:38:50.620 going to
00:38:50.800 start
00:38:51.000 disrespecting
00:38:51.820 you
00:38:51.980 and once
00:38:52.400 the disrespect
00:38:53.900 comes in
00:38:54.640 it breaks
00:38:57.780 everything
00:38:58.200 else down
00:38:58.920 and then
00:39:00.300 that's when
00:39:00.580 the arguments
00:39:01.080 start
00:39:01.500 and that's
00:39:01.760 when the
00:39:02.000 peace
00:39:02.300 goes
00:39:02.700 and you
00:39:03.820 know
00:39:03.980 it's
00:39:04.360 literally
00:39:05.100 a domino
00:39:05.840 effect
00:39:06.300 of things
00:39:07.440 that come
00:39:08.120 from you
00:39:08.680 not portraying
00:39:09.480 yourself
00:39:09.800 in the way
00:39:10.280 that you
00:39:11.000 realistically
00:39:11.660 should
00:39:12.220 exactly
00:39:13.240 the underlying
00:39:13.900 problem
00:39:14.400 in that
00:39:15.080 is the fact
00:39:16.100 that you're
00:39:16.400 being deceitful
00:39:17.380 exactly
00:39:17.820 you're painting
00:39:18.720 a picture
00:39:19.260 that doesn't
00:39:19.860 exist
00:39:20.420 you're
00:39:20.820 you're
00:39:21.640 you're creating
00:39:22.660 an image
00:39:23.560 in her head
00:39:24.680 what the
00:39:25.760 your future
00:39:26.860 marriage is
00:39:27.900 going to be
00:39:28.220 like
00:39:28.540 you did
00:39:29.500 that
00:39:29.760 and so
00:39:30.220 then if
00:39:30.620 it all
00:39:31.120 comes crashing
00:39:31.740 down
00:39:32.180 you're going
00:39:33.040 to have
00:39:33.200 to face
00:39:33.540 it
00:39:33.800 you can't
00:39:34.540 like
00:39:34.800 you can't
00:39:36.240 just like
00:39:36.660 then be
00:39:37.460 like oh
00:39:37.820 well
00:39:38.080 no but
00:39:39.040 you
00:39:39.180 you created
00:39:40.100 that reality
00:39:41.200 in her head
00:39:41.660 so then you
00:39:42.040 now you're
00:39:42.540 going to have
00:39:42.720 to you're
00:39:43.180 going to have
00:39:43.360 to deal
00:39:43.600 with it
00:39:44.140 so rather
00:39:44.920 than if
00:39:45.740 you want
00:39:46.000 to avoid
00:39:46.420 that just
00:39:46.940 just be
00:39:47.360 fully
00:39:47.780 fully honest
00:39:48.620 be yourself
00:39:49.100 someone doesn't
00:39:49.820 want to
00:39:50.000 accept it
00:39:50.620 like they're
00:39:52.220 not for you
00:39:52.680 then they're
00:39:53.120 not for you
00:39:53.820 okay so
00:39:54.220 what I want
00:39:54.900 to add
00:39:55.380 okay
00:39:55.840 yeah
00:39:56.240 another point
00:39:57.140 that I've just
00:39:57.600 thought of
00:39:58.020 yeah go on
00:39:58.600 another thing
00:40:00.620 I personally
00:40:02.960 look for in a
00:40:03.880 man is
00:40:04.860 someone with
00:40:05.420 good character
00:40:06.100 and what I
00:40:06.680 mean by that
00:40:07.280 is specifically
00:40:09.020 how do you
00:40:11.160 treat me
00:40:11.680 when you're
00:40:12.240 angry
00:40:12.540 how are you
00:40:13.520 going to
00:40:13.760 treat me
00:40:14.140 if you've
00:40:14.760 just had a
00:40:15.460 disagreement
00:40:16.200 are you
00:40:17.480 going to
00:40:18.420 like
00:40:18.700 completely
00:40:19.500 like abandon
00:40:20.640 me and not
00:40:21.240 care about me
00:40:21.740 in that moment
00:40:22.260 or are you
00:40:23.320 still going to
00:40:23.780 be just
00:40:24.740 kind
00:40:25.740 and caring
00:40:26.400 that's so
00:40:26.980 important
00:40:27.360 because obviously
00:40:27.860 coming from a
00:40:28.360 background of
00:40:28.900 my mum being
00:40:30.060 like full of
00:40:31.320 rage
00:40:32.060 and my
00:40:33.400 coping mechanism
00:40:34.340 was just to
00:40:34.900 avoid it
00:40:35.440 completely
00:40:36.080 yeah
00:40:36.380 I need a
00:40:37.500 man to
00:40:38.000 have emotional
00:40:39.720 intelligence
00:40:40.320 when it comes
00:40:40.980 to anger
00:40:41.460 because that's
00:40:42.580 that's
00:40:43.840 first of all
00:40:44.520 that's traumatic
00:40:44.960 for kids to
00:40:45.720 watch that
00:40:46.160 and I don't
00:40:46.640 want that
00:40:47.060 and second
00:40:48.200 of all
00:40:48.580 it's just
00:40:49.160 it's important
00:40:50.320 for like a
00:40:50.820 good healthy
00:40:51.380 relationship
00:40:52.080 that's what
00:40:53.960 I would say
00:40:54.380 and also
00:40:54.820 to add to
00:40:55.480 that
00:40:55.720 how do you
00:40:56.840 treat other
00:40:57.200 people
00:40:57.640 in the sense
00:40:59.360 that the
00:41:00.080 cleaner
00:41:00.380 in that
00:41:01.300 restaurant
00:41:01.680 or the
00:41:01.960 waitress
00:41:02.420 compared to
00:41:02.900 that business
00:41:03.360 one
00:41:03.680 is there
00:41:04.880 a hierarchy
00:41:05.600 in your
00:41:05.940 head
00:41:06.200 or do you
00:41:07.220 see everyone
00:41:07.620 as the same
00:41:08.060 level including
00:41:08.560 yourself
00:41:09.000 and that's
00:41:09.900 something really
00:41:10.960 important for me
00:41:11.540 yeah
00:41:11.860 you know
00:41:12.520 what you just
00:41:13.360 said
00:41:13.520 it's really
00:41:14.220 important
00:41:14.740 we forget
00:41:15.860 about the
00:41:16.260 character
00:41:16.680 we always
00:41:18.340 forget
00:41:18.640 but the
00:41:19.300 character
00:41:19.600 is so
00:41:20.060 important
00:41:20.640 how you
00:41:22.980 how you
00:41:24.660 decide to
00:41:25.240 deal with
00:41:25.720 certain type
00:41:26.280 of situations
00:41:27.160 reflects a lot
00:41:28.780 on your
00:41:29.220 character
00:41:29.760 and I can't
00:41:30.560 emphasize it
00:41:31.200 enough
00:41:31.560 I can't
00:41:32.060 I just
00:41:32.500 can't
00:41:32.860 and also
00:41:33.380 like
00:41:33.700 what are
00:41:34.300 you doing
00:41:34.740 like
00:41:35.080 for me
00:41:36.400 personally
00:41:37.060 I
00:41:37.880 like
00:41:38.480 I need
00:41:39.380 a man
00:41:39.780 to be
00:41:40.400 striving
00:41:40.760 in the
00:41:41.040 way of
00:41:41.320 Allah
00:41:41.580 like
00:41:42.100 you
00:41:42.520 I just
00:41:43.060 you cannot
00:41:43.740 be a
00:41:44.420 regular
00:41:44.760 Muslim
00:41:45.240 who just
00:41:46.580 like
00:41:46.980 who just
00:41:49.020 you know
00:41:49.700 does the
00:41:50.440 basics
00:41:50.960 and the
00:41:51.380 bare
00:41:51.640 minimum
00:41:52.020 and then
00:41:52.480 you live
00:41:52.900 your life
00:41:53.520 doing the
00:41:54.280 basics
00:41:54.600 bare
00:41:54.920 minimum
00:41:55.620 like
00:41:55.940 what are
00:41:56.700 you doing
00:41:57.160 to serve
00:41:57.740 the
00:41:57.880 ummah
00:41:58.220 like
00:41:58.560 one thing
00:41:58.980 I want to
00:41:59.200 add to that
00:41:59.600 sorry
00:41:59.860 is just
00:42:01.720 to let
00:42:02.120 you know
00:42:02.700 we only
00:42:03.360 expect
00:42:03.920 what we
00:42:04.360 have
00:42:04.680 I think
00:42:05.040 that's
00:42:05.260 only fair
00:42:05.780 you should
00:42:07.000 never expect
00:42:07.820 something
00:42:08.580 in a
00:42:09.340 spouse
00:42:09.780 if you
00:42:10.300 don't
00:42:11.320 embody
00:42:11.800 it
00:42:12.200 if you've
00:42:12.680 never
00:42:12.840 embodied
00:42:13.360 it
00:42:13.540 yourself
00:42:13.820 yeah
00:42:14.080 yeah
00:42:14.240 yeah
00:42:14.400 of course
00:42:15.120 that's how
00:42:16.000 I see it
00:42:16.580 I expect
00:42:17.840 things that
00:42:18.380 I am
00:42:18.860 the level
00:42:19.480 I'm at
00:42:19.880 I obviously
00:42:20.380 want you
00:42:20.640 a bit
00:42:20.800 higher
00:42:21.140 because you're
00:42:21.800 a leader
00:42:22.120 my thing
00:42:23.720 it differs
00:42:25.540 because I don't
00:42:27.240 understand and
00:42:28.180 I'll never
00:42:28.460 understand how
00:42:29.200 somebody can
00:42:30.160 have a
00:42:30.480 preference
00:42:31.020 okay you can
00:42:31.840 have a
00:42:32.060 preference
00:42:32.380 okay that was
00:42:33.100 a bit stupid
00:42:33.480 but you can
00:42:33.800 have a
00:42:34.020 preference
00:42:34.280 but to go
00:42:35.480 into so much
00:42:36.020 detail about
00:42:36.660 preference
00:42:37.020 when you've
00:42:37.600 never been
00:42:37.940 married
00:42:38.300 is what
00:42:39.000 interests
00:42:39.380 me
00:42:39.640 and no
00:42:41.240 this is to
00:42:42.080 us females
00:42:42.620 like how
00:42:43.760 do you know
00:42:44.340 what you want
00:42:44.720 in a man
00:42:45.140 let's leave
00:42:45.840 Islam to
00:42:46.360 decide
00:42:46.780 that's a
00:42:47.900 cop out
00:42:48.300 for me
00:42:48.640 I want him
00:42:49.440 to be a
00:42:49.720 good brother
00:42:50.080 on his
00:42:50.380 dean
00:42:50.600 that's a
00:42:51.340 cop out
00:42:51.780 yeah
00:42:52.300 what is it
00:42:53.080 you're looking
00:42:53.400 for
00:42:53.840 realistically
00:42:54.520 if you've
00:42:55.300 never experienced
00:42:55.980 a husband
00:42:56.760 like every woman
00:42:58.240 is so different
00:42:59.080 perhaps maybe
00:43:00.120 is there something
00:43:00.940 about yourself
00:43:01.620 that you like
00:43:02.360 and you think
00:43:03.120 this is what
00:43:03.760 I want
00:43:04.260 so you've
00:43:05.280 actually recognised
00:43:06.120 your positive
00:43:06.840 traits
00:43:07.320 that's what we
00:43:08.360 tend to do
00:43:09.020 exactly
00:43:09.560 we tend to do
00:43:10.260 and we kind of
00:43:10.840 project that onto
00:43:11.460 the person
00:43:11.900 and if they don't
00:43:12.840 match that
00:43:13.500 it's like okay
00:43:14.380 well he's the
00:43:15.020 psycho
00:43:15.300 he's this
00:43:15.720 he's that
00:43:16.020 he's shaitan
00:43:17.460 he's not
00:43:17.740 he's not
00:43:18.040 compatibility
00:43:18.500 but it's like
00:43:19.260 yeah but you're
00:43:19.980 looking for yourself
00:43:20.840 okay so now
00:43:24.900 we're going to be
00:43:25.380 reacting to
00:43:26.480 what the brother
00:43:27.700 said from the
00:43:28.260 other podcast
00:43:28.940 okay so sisters
00:43:31.440 we've just had a
00:43:32.140 discussion
00:43:32.600 on what we
00:43:34.300 look for in a
00:43:35.060 husband
00:43:35.340 and we've
00:43:37.500 concluded
00:43:38.000 that
00:43:38.900 we look for
00:43:40.860 a provider
00:43:41.720 someone with
00:43:43.300 good character
00:43:44.000 someone that
00:43:45.580 offers security
00:43:46.440 gives respect
00:43:48.140 and is
00:43:48.760 compassionate
00:43:49.240 so that's
00:43:51.660 our five
00:43:52.380 overall
00:43:54.000 conclusions
00:43:54.560 and we're
00:43:55.660 going to
00:43:55.960 compare it
00:43:56.440 now with
00:43:57.000 what the
00:43:57.440 brother said
00:43:58.020 what they
00:43:59.560 think we
00:44:00.900 want in a
00:44:01.980 husband
00:44:02.520 so
00:44:03.340 if we
00:44:04.880 just
00:44:05.280 so what
00:44:06.860 the brothers
00:44:07.320 have said
00:44:08.000 what they
00:44:08.520 think that
00:44:09.560 women want
00:44:10.560 in a man
00:44:11.120 is
00:44:11.920 honesty
00:44:13.500 wealth
00:44:14.980 security
00:44:16.720 status
00:44:18.380 and
00:44:19.480 character
00:44:20.220 we'll find
00:44:21.900 out if
00:44:22.240 they're right
00:44:22.700 everything but
00:44:25.400 status I think
00:44:26.180 women compromise
00:44:26.900 on that a lot
00:44:27.860 I think everything
00:44:29.140 else is spot on
00:44:30.100 but the status
00:44:31.260 yeah we don't
00:44:31.760 really care about
00:44:32.260 status
00:44:32.540 no they do
00:44:33.480 some women do
00:44:34.240 it just I feel
00:44:34.860 like that
00:44:35.360 there is
00:44:36.420 it's something
00:44:37.380 we will compromise
00:44:38.380 on
00:44:38.620 what do we
00:44:39.160 mean by
00:44:39.560 status I don't
00:44:40.360 get that
00:44:40.720 like a social
00:44:41.760 status like
00:44:42.820 he's somebody
00:44:44.000 in society
00:44:44.800 I don't really
00:44:45.340 care about that
00:44:45.920 I don't care
00:44:47.080 about that
00:44:47.400 can I just
00:44:48.000 throw a question
00:44:49.020 out there
00:44:49.360 just to
00:44:49.940 explore this
00:44:51.220 idea
00:44:51.600 if you got
00:44:53.100 two suitors
00:44:54.120 yeah
00:44:54.660 right and they
00:44:55.620 were both
00:44:56.120 exactly the same
00:44:57.000 yeah
00:44:57.260 one was the
00:44:59.280 CEO of a
00:44:59.880 company
00:45:00.240 yeah
00:45:00.660 and one
00:45:01.620 was an IT
00:45:02.940 manager somewhere
00:45:03.780 yeah
00:45:04.240 so good
00:45:05.280 roles
00:45:05.980 yeah
00:45:06.360 which one
00:45:07.740 would you
00:45:07.940 choose
00:45:08.180 okay let me
00:45:08.660 tell you
00:45:08.960 the CEO
00:45:09.400 no
00:45:10.280 I'm going
00:45:11.640 for him
00:45:11.980 it depends
00:45:12.680 on his
00:45:12.960 character
00:45:13.240 it depends
00:45:13.780 on every
00:45:15.060 other part
00:45:15.740 before I tell
00:45:16.640 you
00:45:16.740 they're both
00:45:17.900 exactly the
00:45:18.720 same
00:45:19.100 in all other
00:45:20.100 categories
00:45:21.000 the only
00:45:22.140 difference
00:45:22.620 between the
00:45:23.180 two
00:45:23.480 is that one's
00:45:24.320 the CEO
00:45:24.740 of a company
00:45:25.340 and the other
00:45:26.100 one you know
00:45:26.900 works in a
00:45:27.520 it has a
00:45:29.100 low status
00:45:30.100 role
00:45:30.540 I'm just
00:45:30.880 going to put
00:45:31.240 it in
00:45:31.520 inverted
00:45:31.820 commas
00:45:32.060 I don't
00:45:32.300 want anyone
00:45:32.500 to get
00:45:32.680 offended
00:45:32.960 because I
00:45:33.520 don't see
00:45:33.900 that as
00:45:34.220 negative
00:45:34.680 one's the
00:45:36.660 CEO
00:45:36.920 and one
00:45:37.840 is running
00:45:38.820 the IT
00:45:39.240 department
00:45:39.540 I mean if you
00:45:40.000 say it like
00:45:40.420 that I would
00:45:40.880 pick the
00:45:41.280 CEO
00:45:41.640 yeah yeah
00:45:42.340 I get what
00:45:43.100 you're saying
00:45:43.400 ladies does
00:45:43.660 matter
00:45:44.060 Canada does
00:45:44.980 to be honest
00:45:45.420 yeah
00:45:45.940 but like I
00:45:47.780 said it does
00:45:48.480 matter it
00:45:49.120 really does
00:45:49.720 but I feel like
00:45:50.680 it's something
00:45:51.060 women do
00:45:51.900 compromise on
00:45:52.700 and they
00:45:53.120 regret it
00:45:53.640 sorry I have
00:45:54.800 to just throw
00:45:55.180 that in there
00:45:55.660 they will be
00:45:56.400 like oh my god
00:45:56.920 why did I
00:45:57.260 marry the
00:45:57.740 guy that's
00:45:59.060 not
00:45:59.300 because it's
00:46:01.180 true
00:46:01.560 when you have
00:46:02.680 like a more
00:46:03.320 when you have
00:46:04.760 that goal
00:46:06.720 driven mind
00:46:07.800 because if
00:46:08.640 you're a CEO
00:46:09.340 then it shows
00:46:11.060 that you have
00:46:11.720 like you have
00:46:12.960 a higher standard
00:46:13.760 in life
00:46:14.620 whereas the
00:46:16.280 other person
00:46:16.900 doesn't
00:46:17.760 no but
00:46:18.180 if they're an
00:46:18.960 IT manager
00:46:19.640 they might be
00:46:20.180 on the journey
00:46:20.720 to CEO
00:46:21.340 but at that
00:46:22.380 moment in time
00:46:23.460 they've not
00:46:24.280 reached it yet
00:46:25.000 the other person
00:46:25.980 has reached that
00:46:26.900 I agree
00:46:27.420 I agree
00:46:28.360 but they're
00:46:29.160 all like
00:46:29.720 the exact
00:46:30.680 same in
00:46:31.320 character
00:46:31.740 Dean and
00:46:32.340 everything
00:46:32.660 I feel like
00:46:33.380 I feel like
00:46:34.020 why
00:46:34.300 I feel like
00:46:35.800 we pick
00:46:36.200 status
00:46:36.600 because it's
00:46:37.680 like
00:46:38.020 respect thing
00:46:40.220 we feel like
00:46:40.780 we admire
00:46:41.580 this man a bit
00:46:42.200 more
00:46:42.280 I get what
00:46:42.640 you're saying
00:46:42.920 actually now
00:46:43.420 I get it
00:46:43.820 oh my god
00:46:44.200 yeah I
00:46:44.540 understand
00:46:44.860 where you're
00:46:45.180 coming from
00:46:45.620 yeah yeah
00:46:46.920 it's like
00:46:47.520 oh yeah
00:46:47.880 my husband's
00:46:48.880 the CEO
00:46:49.360 of this company
00:46:50.080 let's be honest
00:46:52.240 women do
00:46:52.840 if you've had
00:46:53.360 any gatherings
00:46:54.160 women do sit
00:46:55.340 there
00:46:55.640 and they'll be
00:46:56.420 praising their
00:46:57.000 husband
00:46:57.300 my husband
00:46:58.540 he's got this
00:46:59.140 he's got a new
00:46:59.640 car
00:46:59.980 you know
00:47:00.680 they do it
00:47:01.440 we do it
00:47:02.380 we actually do
00:47:03.140 because you feel
00:47:03.460 proud
00:47:03.760 it's your spouse
00:47:04.520 yeah it's pride
00:47:05.500 and it's you know
00:47:06.320 it's good pride
00:47:07.260 it's good pride
00:47:08.340 so that's why
00:47:09.480 they would go for
00:47:10.060 status but
00:47:10.680 status is something
00:47:12.020 they compromise on
00:47:13.120 I'm not gonna lie
00:47:13.860 we do
00:47:14.280 we will be like
00:47:15.120 he may have all
00:47:16.660 of the other
00:47:17.220 essential stuff
00:47:18.020 that you just
00:47:18.540 said there
00:47:19.200 but then they'll
00:47:20.160 say okay
00:47:20.580 he might not be
00:47:21.480 you know
00:47:22.080 the boss of his
00:47:22.940 company but at
00:47:23.760 least he's humble
00:47:24.480 at least he's good
00:47:25.300 at least he's kind
00:47:26.220 do you know
00:47:26.880 I mean like
00:47:27.280 all the other
00:47:27.800 things make up
00:47:28.540 for that
00:47:28.980 okay
00:47:29.520 it's a big
00:47:30.020 loss
00:47:30.460 yes he's
00:47:31.200 he's not the
00:47:32.060 boss
00:47:32.400 but at least
00:47:33.440 he treats me
00:47:34.000 good
00:47:34.260 so that's why
00:47:35.120 I mean like
00:47:35.460 as long as
00:47:36.340 all the other
00:47:36.860 things are
00:47:37.420 he's doing
00:47:37.980 all the other
00:47:38.420 stuff
00:47:39.280 the woman's
00:47:40.120 willing to say
00:47:40.660 okay I don't
00:47:41.260 really care about
00:47:41.880 the status
00:47:42.320 because he's
00:47:43.700 covering all the
00:47:44.860 other things
00:47:45.240 that you mentioned
00:47:45.740 you know
00:47:46.120 it was interesting
00:47:47.160 that I've
00:47:47.660 noticed
00:47:47.920 I'm looking at
00:47:48.460 the list right
00:47:48.980 now
00:47:49.300 one thing
00:47:50.900 that the
00:47:51.720 brothers have
00:47:52.440 forgotten to
00:47:53.340 mention is
00:47:54.320 what women
00:47:56.180 want is
00:47:57.520 we want
00:47:58.080 compassion
00:47:58.580 and we want
00:47:59.380 we want love
00:48:00.320 and we want
00:48:00.920 all those
00:48:01.840 emotions
00:48:02.500 all the emotions
00:48:03.600 and like we want
00:48:04.400 to be acknowledged
00:48:05.020 we want to be seen
00:48:05.940 we want to be told
00:48:06.940 like we're the most
00:48:07.520 beautiful like
00:48:08.340 freaking woman
00:48:09.060 in the world
00:48:09.740 like
00:48:09.900 okay
00:48:10.640 I want to ask
00:48:12.260 a question
00:48:12.700 I want to ask
00:48:13.800 a question
00:48:14.140 to all of you
00:48:14.760 guys
00:48:15.080 yeah
00:48:15.440 what does
00:48:16.480 compassion
00:48:17.500 and reassurance
00:48:18.380 look like to you
00:48:19.200 what is different
00:48:20.160 for every woman
00:48:20.720 and I think
00:48:21.920 I'm glad you asked
00:48:23.100 that because
00:48:23.760 I think on the
00:48:24.380 last show
00:48:24.800 they mentioned
00:48:25.380 about what
00:48:25.820 the breakdown
00:48:27.460 I was trying
00:48:29.280 to elaborate
00:48:29.720 on when women
00:48:31.000 when you're
00:48:31.340 married
00:48:31.700 and you're
00:48:32.280 married to a
00:48:32.680 man
00:48:32.880 and you're
00:48:33.480 going through
00:48:34.020 anyone that's
00:48:34.640 experienced
00:48:34.960 childbirth
00:48:35.640 or having
00:48:36.560 a child
00:48:37.080 or postnatal
00:48:38.680 or just
00:48:39.740 trying to
00:48:40.220 conceive
00:48:40.540 and all these
00:48:41.140 hard things
00:48:42.300 that women
00:48:42.620 have to go
00:48:43.080 through
00:48:43.380 if the man
00:48:45.400 is not
00:48:45.720 compassionate
00:48:46.220 in those
00:48:46.660 times
00:48:46.960 and doesn't
00:48:47.360 show you
00:48:47.660 support
00:48:48.180 for me
00:48:48.620 that's what
00:48:49.240 compassion
00:48:49.660 and empathy
00:48:50.160 looks like
00:48:50.740 inside of
00:48:51.420 a marriage
00:48:52.020 institution
00:48:52.600 if the man
00:48:53.560 doesn't show
00:48:54.060 that
00:48:54.340 then for me
00:48:55.500 that's not
00:48:55.960 love
00:48:56.320 what is that
00:48:56.840 specifically
00:48:57.380 what
00:48:57.880 when you just
00:48:59.120 said what
00:48:59.400 does that
00:48:59.760 look like
00:49:00.320 it looks
00:49:00.740 like that
00:49:01.180 when a man
00:49:01.600 shows it
00:49:02.100 I get what
00:49:03.280 you're saying
00:49:03.540 so what
00:49:03.980 you're basically
00:49:04.440 saying
00:49:04.800 when you're
00:49:05.340 going
00:49:05.600 when you're
00:49:06.240 at the most
00:49:06.900 vulnerable
00:49:07.400 time in your
00:49:08.180 life
00:49:08.440 not even
00:49:09.000 always
00:49:09.360 vulnerable
00:49:09.800 like
00:49:10.640 for him
00:49:11.560 to just
00:49:12.100 show
00:49:14.720 that he
00:49:15.560 sees you
00:49:17.140 I see you
00:49:18.600 and I see
00:49:19.160 what you're
00:49:19.580 going through
00:49:20.300 and I'm
00:49:21.840 here for you
00:49:22.480 and I love
00:49:24.580 you through it
00:49:25.560 that's what
00:49:26.100 we want to
00:49:26.500 hear
00:49:26.740 I feel like
00:49:27.600 that's when
00:49:28.080 a man
00:49:28.360 should be
00:49:28.620 showing
00:49:28.800 compassion
00:49:29.320 you shouldn't
00:49:30.480 expect it
00:49:30.940 every day
00:49:31.460 all the time
00:49:32.240 no
00:49:32.600 kindness
00:49:33.880 every day
00:49:34.460 all the time
00:49:35.040 yeah
00:49:35.340 that's respect
00:49:36.720 as well
00:49:37.180 but compassion
00:49:38.320 when we talk
00:49:38.600 about compassion
00:49:39.080 and empathy
00:49:39.680 there's
00:49:40.280 specific times
00:49:41.160 to show
00:49:41.540 that
00:49:41.780 when the
00:49:42.240 wife's
00:49:42.540 stressed
00:49:42.820 out
00:49:43.120 or she's
00:49:43.500 going
00:49:43.680 through
00:49:43.860 madness
00:49:44.200 that's
00:49:44.960 when the
00:49:45.180 man
00:49:45.300 needs
00:49:45.500 to show
00:49:45.800 that
00:49:45.980 so for me
00:49:46.420 that's what
00:49:46.780 it looks
00:49:47.060 like
00:49:47.340 from a man
00:49:48.720 I agree
00:49:49.480 with that
00:49:49.880 I would also
00:49:50.580 say
00:49:51.000 compassion
00:49:51.940 should be
00:49:52.700 how you're
00:49:53.540 talking
00:49:53.940 because if
00:49:55.100 you're just
00:49:55.400 compassionate
00:49:55.980 compassionate
00:49:57.500 sorry
00:49:57.840 just certain
00:50:00.180 times
00:50:01.080 because it's
00:50:01.640 needed
00:50:01.900 it's fine
00:50:02.380 that's great
00:50:02.960 but it should
00:50:04.040 be like
00:50:04.500 just your
00:50:05.320 tone of voice
00:50:06.020 it should be
00:50:06.480 in your tone
00:50:06.820 of voice
00:50:07.140 every time
00:50:07.560 you speak
00:50:07.900 because
00:50:08.300 even if you
00:50:09.620 speak harshly
00:50:10.640 at a time
00:50:11.400 the woman
00:50:12.340 can build
00:50:13.220 resentment
00:50:13.680 against you
00:50:14.720 because
00:50:15.380 at that time
00:50:16.900 you were
00:50:17.300 harsh to her
00:50:18.540 so it should
00:50:18.980 be like
00:50:19.340 throughout
00:50:19.940 it should be
00:50:20.280 flowy
00:50:20.720 it shouldn't
00:50:20.960 just be once
00:50:21.560 it should be
00:50:22.020 just
00:50:22.240 consistent
00:50:23.080 yeah consistency
00:50:23.960 that's the word
00:50:24.940 we want
00:50:25.820 we want
00:50:26.720 a man to be
00:50:27.680 consistent
00:50:28.340 in his
00:50:28.840 gentleness
00:50:29.560 we're not
00:50:31.500 we're not
00:50:32.040 the same
00:50:32.520 as you guys
00:50:33.200 be gentle
00:50:34.340 we're like
00:50:34.880 a delicate
00:50:35.360 flower
00:50:35.880 treat us
00:50:36.420 like a
00:50:36.780 delicate
00:50:37.040 flower
00:50:37.540 but anyway
00:50:38.860 you guys
00:50:40.080 you didn't
00:50:40.440 answer my
00:50:41.060 question
00:50:41.400 what was
00:50:41.700 your question
00:50:42.120 so it's
00:50:42.660 to you
00:50:43.060 I'm trying
00:50:43.400 to understand
00:50:43.700 you guys
00:50:44.180 my question
00:50:46.120 was
00:50:46.440 what does
00:50:47.160 compassion
00:50:47.640 and reassurance
00:50:48.240 look like
00:50:48.660 to you
00:50:49.240 individually
00:50:49.900 how would
00:50:51.000 your man
00:50:51.340 show it
00:50:51.960 to you
00:50:52.320 what would
00:50:53.280 light up
00:50:54.340 your heart
00:50:54.840 basically
00:50:56.900 just support
00:50:58.420 me
00:50:58.680 just support
00:50:59.340 me
00:50:59.560 and help
00:50:59.960 me feel
00:51:00.300 seen
00:51:00.680 if I come
00:51:01.400 to you
00:51:02.000 with a problem
00:51:03.920 that I'm
00:51:04.500 facing
00:51:05.000 just
00:51:05.680 all I want
00:51:06.960 is for you
00:51:08.580 to say
00:51:08.880 I hear you
00:51:09.540 and I see
00:51:09.980 you
00:51:10.420 and just
00:51:12.700 don't try
00:51:13.420 to
00:51:13.620 sometimes
00:51:14.240 women don't
00:51:15.080 always want
00:51:15.820 you to
00:51:16.120 like
00:51:16.360 let me fix
00:51:17.400 this for
00:51:17.680 you
00:51:17.840 quickly
00:51:18.140 let me
00:51:18.380 put
00:51:19.060 bandaid
00:51:20.280 on it
00:51:21.240 no
00:51:21.500 sometimes
00:51:21.920 we just
00:51:22.300 want you
00:51:22.580 to listen
00:51:23.360 to us
00:51:23.760 and hear
00:51:24.660 us out
00:51:25.020 but
00:51:25.960 guys
00:51:26.920 before we
00:51:27.680 continue
00:51:29.560 and everything
00:51:30.200 I just
00:51:31.840 wanted to
00:51:32.880 see
00:51:34.520 I just
00:51:35.520 wanted to
00:51:35.920 see
00:51:36.180 what matches
00:51:37.360 from their
00:51:38.600 list
00:51:39.120 to ours
00:51:40.960 so on their
00:51:41.620 list is
00:51:42.060 obviously
00:51:42.460 honesty
00:51:43.100 wealth
00:51:44.020 like wealth
00:51:45.120 and status
00:51:46.580 and character
00:51:47.300 what did
00:51:47.760 we
00:51:48.020 what did
00:51:48.940 we choose
00:51:49.800 and let's
00:51:51.200 compare them
00:51:51.800 so let's
00:51:53.200 see if
00:51:53.420 there's
00:51:53.580 anything
00:51:53.780 that matches
00:51:54.400 up directly
00:51:55.160 so we've
00:51:57.240 got the
00:51:57.680 security
00:51:58.180 that definitely
00:51:59.140 matched up
00:51:59.860 yeah
00:52:00.160 character
00:52:02.240 yeah
00:52:03.100 character
00:52:03.680 and there's
00:52:05.680 probably
00:52:05.940 two direct
00:52:07.380 things
00:52:08.340 kind of
00:52:09.900 indirectly
00:52:10.680 the provider
00:52:11.880 part
00:52:12.140 we've got
00:52:12.620 wealth
00:52:13.000 yeah
00:52:13.380 we've said
00:52:14.880 provider
00:52:15.400 yeah
00:52:15.860 the males
00:52:17.040 have said
00:52:17.340 wealth
00:52:17.760 so that
00:52:18.580 links in
00:52:19.240 and honesty
00:52:20.060 and respect
00:52:20.560 is pretty
00:52:21.300 much the
00:52:21.740 same thing
00:52:22.180 you know
00:52:22.540 because if
00:52:23.360 you respect
00:52:23.960 me you're
00:52:24.300 automatically
00:52:24.860 going to be
00:52:25.400 honest with
00:52:25.880 me
00:52:26.060 with what
00:52:26.680 you think
00:52:26.880 well we
00:52:27.100 didn't put
00:52:27.480 I said
00:52:27.940 mindfulness
00:52:28.340 and obedience
00:52:29.000 and I
00:52:29.360 kind of
00:52:29.640 elaborated
00:52:30.160 on that
00:52:30.520 but we
00:52:31.200 didn't
00:52:31.460 put it
00:52:33.480 down
00:52:33.780 yeah
00:52:34.380 they're not
00:52:34.800 the same
00:52:35.340 you know
00:52:36.200 that's something
00:52:36.900 interesting
00:52:37.320 because I've
00:52:37.620 noticed men
00:52:38.180 want an
00:52:38.700 honest woman
00:52:39.280 obviously
00:52:40.440 as I don't
00:52:41.220 understand that
00:52:41.700 as a man
00:52:42.040 he'd have to
00:52:42.540 explain it to
00:52:43.080 me further
00:52:43.460 but
00:52:43.780 that's just
00:52:44.640 because women
00:52:45.460 we can be
00:52:47.200 very dishonest
00:52:48.380 and we're
00:52:49.100 delusional
00:52:49.600 sometimes
00:52:50.200 so I feel
00:52:51.220 like that
00:52:51.580 comes out
00:52:52.160 in dishonesty
00:52:52.880 like because
00:52:53.400 we're delusional
00:52:54.180 we start to
00:52:55.180 say this is
00:52:55.860 what we want
00:52:56.200 but really
00:52:56.540 we don't say
00:52:57.100 what we really
00:52:57.640 want
00:52:57.920 yeah we
00:52:58.460 change our
00:52:58.780 minds a lot
00:52:59.200 so I think
00:52:59.880 it depends
00:53:00.440 on how we're
00:53:01.020 feeling on the
00:53:01.500 day innit
00:53:02.000 yeah you're
00:53:03.980 right
00:53:04.260 because our
00:53:04.860 emotions are
00:53:05.380 going up and
00:53:05.780 down
00:53:05.860 it's going
00:53:06.220 up and
00:53:06.540 down
00:53:06.720 you have to
00:53:08.280 be understanding
00:53:08.820 of that
00:53:09.700 yeah
00:53:10.140 but sometimes
00:53:10.860 that can come
00:53:11.440 out as
00:53:11.680 dishonesty
00:53:12.120 because instead
00:53:12.620 of a woman
00:53:12.960 just saying
00:53:13.260 this is what I
00:53:13.860 actually want
00:53:14.420 we kind of
00:53:15.320 make up this
00:53:15.960 fairytale
00:53:17.220 scenario
00:53:18.220 and then
00:53:19.060 yeah I know
00:53:20.160 what you're
00:53:20.400 saying
00:53:20.620 so that's
00:53:21.280 probably why
00:53:21.720 they would say
00:53:22.120 we want an
00:53:22.420 honest woman
00:53:22.940 and I guess
00:53:23.500 what I've
00:53:24.820 noticed
00:53:25.120 what men
00:53:25.820 want in
00:53:26.540 like I know
00:53:27.160 this is going
00:53:27.600 a little bit
00:53:28.080 off topic
00:53:28.500 what men
00:53:29.080 want in
00:53:29.420 women is
00:53:29.900 for you to
00:53:30.500 be completely
00:53:31.220 like straight
00:53:32.840 up direct
00:53:33.980 because this is
00:53:34.780 how their
00:53:35.100 brain works
00:53:35.760 absolutely
00:53:36.200 we cannot
00:53:36.840 like be like
00:53:37.460 okay but
00:53:38.300 this is what
00:53:38.900 no like
00:53:39.960 this is what
00:53:41.280 I want
00:53:42.300 and I'm going
00:53:43.120 to spell it
00:53:43.780 out to you
00:53:44.160 I'm going
00:53:44.320 to give you
00:53:44.580 specific
00:53:44.920 instructions
00:53:45.380 and we
00:53:45.980 don't know
00:53:46.360 how to do
00:53:46.760 that
00:53:46.940 because women
00:53:47.660 just think
00:53:48.080 oh you can
00:53:48.440 read my mind
00:53:48.980 no no
00:53:49.340 men can't
00:53:50.500 read our
00:53:50.780 mind
00:53:50.920 we have to
00:53:51.480 be very
00:53:51.800 specific and
00:53:52.460 direct in
00:53:53.020 what we want
00:53:53.720 and it's hard
00:53:54.520 to do that
00:53:55.060 because of
00:53:55.580 the fact that
00:53:56.500 our emotions
00:53:57.260 do cloud
00:53:58.880 our judgment
00:53:59.740 so it's a bit
00:54:01.760 difficult
00:54:02.140 but I guess
00:54:03.480 if you practice
00:54:04.040 that you'll
00:54:04.620 eventually
00:54:04.980 you'll get it
00:54:06.160 I do feel like
00:54:07.380 I'm just going
00:54:07.680 to be totally
00:54:08.120 honest here
00:54:08.740 the fact that
00:54:10.180 the males
00:54:10.780 have put down
00:54:11.520 honesty
00:54:12.620 I do feel like
00:54:13.920 that's a little
00:54:14.360 bit of a
00:54:14.720 projection
00:54:15.200 because what
00:54:17.360 I mean is
00:54:18.040 that
00:54:18.440 personally I
00:54:20.220 feel men are
00:54:20.800 more dishonest
00:54:21.540 than women
00:54:22.080 and I feel like
00:54:23.900 that is a
00:54:24.360 projection
00:54:24.800 because they
00:54:25.420 are aware
00:54:26.100 of being
00:54:27.480 dishonest
00:54:28.240 they think
00:54:29.340 that's what
00:54:29.800 we're looking
00:54:30.160 for
00:54:30.580 because
00:54:31.500 we
00:54:32.580 clock on
00:54:34.020 to
00:54:34.340 dishonesty
00:54:35.100 and I feel
00:54:35.640 like
00:54:35.900 that's why
00:54:36.540 they think
00:54:36.980 we want
00:54:37.400 that
00:54:37.660 but we
00:54:38.040 haven't
00:54:38.380 put that
00:54:38.780 down
00:54:39.100 that's why
00:54:39.800 I said
00:54:40.260 that's why
00:54:41.000 I elaborated
00:54:41.580 and I said
00:54:41.960 a man that
00:54:42.500 wears his
00:54:42.840 flaws on his
00:54:43.320 sleeve
00:54:43.460 that's basically
00:54:44.020 me saying
00:54:44.480 you need to
00:54:44.940 be honest
00:54:45.360 from the
00:54:45.740 jump
00:54:45.900 who you
00:54:46.420 are
00:54:46.660 what you
00:54:47.160 can give
00:54:47.620 what you
00:54:48.060 can offer
00:54:48.540 what am I
00:54:49.260 getting
00:54:49.560 because
00:54:50.760 women
00:54:51.480 ultimately
00:54:52.060 all we want
00:54:52.660 realistically
00:54:53.180 and I never
00:54:53.880 mentioned
00:54:54.200 this is
00:54:54.580 the option
00:54:55.360 to
00:54:56.840 opting
00:54:58.420 or opt
00:54:58.760 out
00:54:59.020 with this
00:54:59.620 man
00:54:59.840 okay
00:55:00.240 so if a
00:55:00.660 man comes
00:55:00.980 and says
00:55:01.220 to you
00:55:01.460 look
00:55:01.720 I work
00:55:03.960 part time
00:55:04.560 but I'm
00:55:05.240 a drug
00:55:05.460 dealer
00:55:05.720 and
00:55:06.920 I've
00:55:07.700 gone to
00:55:08.200 prison
00:55:08.460 no
00:55:08.840 seriously
00:55:10.020 I've
00:55:10.840 gone to
00:55:11.160 prison
00:55:11.440 because
00:55:11.700 it's
00:55:11.820 the
00:55:11.940 reality
00:55:12.240 I've
00:55:12.560 been to
00:55:12.800 prison
00:55:13.060 I've
00:55:13.720 got a few
00:55:14.100 things under
00:55:14.800 my belt
00:55:15.260 but he's
00:55:16.560 been honest
00:55:17.000 right
00:55:17.300 and women
00:55:17.840 say
00:55:18.140 we want
00:55:20.340 an honest
00:55:20.680 man
00:55:21.000 but when
00:55:21.480 the man
00:55:21.740 comes with
00:55:22.120 the honesty
00:55:22.580 we're like
00:55:24.480 ooh
00:55:24.880 but we
00:55:26.160 respect him
00:55:26.860 because he's
00:55:27.500 given us
00:55:27.920 the choice
00:55:28.480 to opt
00:55:29.060 him
00:55:29.280 or opt
00:55:29.940 out
00:55:30.140 yeah
00:55:30.380 exactly
00:55:30.800 ultimately
00:55:31.680 we just
00:55:32.220 want him
00:55:33.000 to be
00:55:33.240 honest
00:55:33.480 so we
00:55:33.740 can say
00:55:34.000 okay let
00:55:34.380 me opt
00:55:34.720 in with
00:55:34.980 this man
00:55:35.360 because
00:55:35.980 realistically
00:55:36.500 the other
00:55:37.120 guy was
00:55:37.420 lying over
00:55:37.780 there and
00:55:38.240 he's told
00:55:38.560 me the
00:55:38.760 truth
00:55:38.940 even though
00:55:39.340 it's not
00:55:39.640 perfect
00:55:40.220 he's standing
00:55:41.860 in his
00:55:42.140 discomfort
00:55:42.540 do you know
00:55:43.360 what I mean
00:55:43.640 so yeah
00:55:44.100 you're right
00:55:44.540 the projection
00:55:45.080 they probably
00:55:45.640 thought we were
00:55:46.180 going to say
00:55:46.520 honesty
00:55:46.920 I feel
00:55:48.340 I feel like
00:55:48.520 that one's
00:55:48.820 a bit
00:55:49.000 of
00:55:49.100 projection
00:55:49.380 I feel like
00:55:49.700 men are
00:55:49.940 just too
00:55:50.420 scared
00:55:51.220 of like
00:55:51.980 because of
00:55:52.760 the high
00:55:53.020 standards
00:55:53.400 they feel
00:55:53.760 like they
00:55:54.000 have to
00:55:54.260 compete
00:55:54.660 with
00:55:55.160 they probably
00:55:56.160 have to
00:55:56.580 like kind of
00:55:57.140 sugarcoat
00:55:57.680 and lie
00:55:58.280 about certain
00:55:58.880 things
00:55:59.340 that's why
00:56:00.060 we didn't
00:56:00.420 care about
00:56:00.760 we didn't
00:56:01.180 mention it
00:56:01.680 honestly
00:56:02.000 but they
00:56:02.460 mentioned it
00:56:03.040 just to
00:56:03.580 I think
00:56:04.300 we've
00:56:04.540 yeah
00:56:04.800 we've
00:56:06.380 interestingly
00:56:07.100 and this is
00:56:07.800 probably that I
00:56:08.380 feel the thing
00:56:09.200 that women
00:56:09.520 complain about
00:56:10.160 the most
00:56:10.520 is the
00:56:10.880 compassion
00:56:11.280 things
00:56:11.600 and they
00:56:11.860 didn't put
00:56:12.200 that down
00:56:12.680 yeah
00:56:13.340 yeah
00:56:13.960 this is so
00:56:14.540 crazy
00:56:14.900 and I feel
00:56:15.480 like this is
00:56:16.020 probably the
00:56:16.440 biggest issue
00:56:17.100 that we face
00:56:17.960 is not feeling
00:56:18.680 like we're
00:56:19.060 getting enough
00:56:19.500 compassion
00:56:20.220 compassion for
00:56:21.400 you know
00:56:22.140 when it's the
00:56:22.520 time of month
00:56:23.180 or childbirth
00:56:23.960 or pregnancy
00:56:24.680 or if you
00:56:25.780 are a working
00:56:26.520 wife
00:56:27.460 the fact that
00:56:28.160 you're also
00:56:28.680 going out to
00:56:29.340 work and you're
00:56:29.900 having a hard
00:56:30.400 time out in
00:56:31.260 the field
00:56:31.760 you know
00:56:32.480 coming home
00:56:33.380 you know
00:56:33.780 and you know
00:56:35.140 just those kinds
00:56:35.920 of hormonal
00:56:36.580 imbalances
00:56:37.220 that we
00:56:37.740 naturally
00:56:38.120 experience
00:56:38.680 and I just
00:56:39.120 want to add
00:56:39.540 on to that
00:56:40.240 and in the
00:56:40.820 Quran if you
00:56:41.400 read it
00:56:41.800 if people
00:56:42.140 are actually
00:56:42.500 reading their
00:56:43.020 Quran and
00:56:43.580 reading the
00:56:43.940 Haq
00:56:44.220 you'll realise
00:56:45.240 that the
00:56:46.000 rights
00:56:46.440 one of the
00:56:46.900 rights
00:56:47.240 is kindness
00:56:48.260 and why
00:56:49.640 is kindness
00:56:50.280 for women
00:56:50.700 because that
00:56:51.220 compassion
00:56:51.740 is absolutely
00:56:53.140 essential
00:56:53.860 inside of a
00:56:54.820 marriage
00:56:55.120 without the
00:56:56.140 kindness
00:56:56.580 the woman
00:56:57.460 cannot respect
00:56:58.220 the man
00:56:58.600 she feels
00:56:59.860 at a loss
00:57:00.500 like hey
00:57:01.240 he doesn't
00:57:01.680 he's not
00:57:02.180 treating
00:57:02.420 me nice
00:57:02.840 he's not
00:57:03.040 using nice
00:57:03.520 words
00:57:03.800 he's not
00:57:04.160 you know
00:57:04.840 recognising
00:57:05.400 that I
00:57:05.660 need his
00:57:05.940 support
00:57:06.220 and love
00:57:06.600 and affection
00:57:07.040 at this
00:57:07.420 time
00:57:07.700 so it
00:57:08.360 goes a bit
00:57:08.940 left
00:57:09.660 do you understand
00:57:10.340 so it's
00:57:10.780 absolutely
00:57:11.100 essential for
00:57:11.700 a man to be
00:57:12.220 kind and have
00:57:12.700 compassion towards
00:57:13.440 women
00:57:13.640 yeah yeah of course
00:57:14.340 but you know
00:57:15.260 I think also
00:57:16.580 for a man to be
00:57:17.560 it's tiling with
00:57:19.180 emotional intelligence
00:57:20.160 you know
00:57:20.520 for a man to
00:57:21.480 recognise
00:57:22.080 hang on a minute
00:57:22.880 like my woman
00:57:24.260 needs compassion
00:57:24.940 right now
00:57:25.500 like rather than
00:57:26.420 me just like
00:57:27.360 giving her solutions
00:57:28.820 or being like
00:57:29.660 you know
00:57:30.460 logical how
00:57:31.140 you would be
00:57:31.760 how you would
00:57:32.460 be with
00:57:32.740 another man
00:57:33.700 and you
00:57:34.600 I think
00:57:35.040 the only time
00:57:36.180 the only reason
00:57:37.180 why like men
00:57:37.940 the fact that
00:57:39.280 the men even
00:57:39.780 forgot to put
00:57:40.420 that on their
00:57:40.820 list
00:57:41.240 is because
00:57:42.120 they don't
00:57:43.040 really understand
00:57:43.820 us
00:57:44.260 and like if you
00:57:45.440 educated yourself
00:57:46.580 on the women's
00:57:47.640 hormones
00:57:48.000 and how we
00:57:49.060 work
00:57:49.600 and what it's
00:57:50.400 like on the
00:57:50.780 time of the
00:57:51.240 month
00:57:51.680 and what we
00:57:52.920 actually experience
00:57:54.080 like the turmoil
00:57:54.740 we usually go
00:57:55.660 through you know
00:57:56.340 but I feel like
00:57:56.780 you should start
00:57:57.380 off
00:57:57.660 because I know
00:57:58.020 it's a lot
00:57:58.460 it's a lot
00:57:59.000 it's a lot
00:57:59.440 so just start
00:58:00.140 off
00:58:00.560 just I don't
00:58:01.580 know do
00:58:01.860 something small
00:58:02.580 get her flowers
00:58:03.620 give her a kiss
00:58:04.300 on the forehead
00:58:04.900 tell her she
00:58:05.820 looks beautiful
00:58:06.420 give her a hug
00:58:07.240 something small
00:58:08.300 start from
00:58:08.860 something small
00:58:09.320 I know because
00:58:09.540 it's quite overwhelming
00:58:10.140 I'm gonna honestly
00:58:12.280 just because I want
00:58:13.300 people to genuinely
00:58:13.980 go away with
00:58:14.660 something today
00:58:15.780 read the Quran
00:58:17.280 I'm not joking
00:58:19.080 read the Quran
00:58:20.540 specifically the
00:58:22.080 ayats where
00:58:22.580 Allah is talking
00:58:23.020 about marriage
00:58:23.680 you it's so
00:58:24.640 easily it's very
00:58:25.600 easily and
00:58:26.160 very easy to
00:58:26.960 understand and
00:58:28.080 it's clear and
00:58:28.860 Allah has not
00:58:29.940 made no mistakes
00:58:30.740 with the Quran
00:58:31.420 please people
00:58:32.940 need to read
00:58:33.340 their Quran
00:58:33.780 because when you
00:58:34.580 read it you
00:58:35.060 understand the
00:58:36.160 rights of the
00:58:36.640 man and the
00:58:37.060 rights of the
00:58:37.420 woman and
00:58:37.800 there's no
00:58:38.080 change in it
00:58:38.820 there's no
00:58:39.560 you know making
00:58:40.620 it's not
00:58:41.120 confusing and
00:58:42.520 inshallah I
00:58:43.080 would like to
00:58:43.520 just close on
00:58:44.040 that from me
00:58:44.520 personally that
00:58:45.180 people need to
00:58:45.760 read the
00:58:46.060 and when they
00:58:47.100 read and
00:58:47.400 understand what
00:58:47.920 Allah is
00:58:48.140 actually asking
00:58:48.820 of you as a
00:58:50.180 man and as a
00:58:50.800 woman these
00:58:52.560 conversations shouldn't
00:58:53.780 be having to
00:58:55.200 you're absolutely
00:58:55.840 right
00:58:56.160 you know because
00:58:56.620 we would
00:58:56.960 understand you
00:58:57.820 know yeah so
00:58:58.660 that's me
00:58:59.580 personally and
00:59:00.700 I've myself
00:59:01.780 educated myself
00:59:02.780 more on
00:59:03.220 relationships because
00:59:04.020 I'm reading my
00:59:04.660 Quran and I'm
00:59:05.260 understanding
00:59:05.720 actually it's
00:59:07.220 very simple
00:59:07.800 treat them with
00:59:08.780 kindness in
00:59:09.820 return they give
00:59:10.640 you respect and
00:59:11.660 if people understand
00:59:12.300 that it works
00:59:13.580 perfect it's a
00:59:14.100 perfect balance
00:59:14.800 you know you
00:59:15.600 know that
00:59:15.860 respect when
00:59:16.700 we want
00:59:16.900 kindness of
00:59:17.660 course you
00:59:18.220 know that
00:59:18.520 saying you
00:59:19.000 give a woman
00:59:19.940 a house she
00:59:21.040 makes it a
00:59:21.560 home that's
00:59:23.320 literally what
00:59:23.860 it is she
00:59:25.140 makes it a
00:59:25.640 home but
00:59:26.280 there's just
00:59:26.580 certain ingredients
00:59:27.260 you need to
00:59:27.840 put in there
00:59:28.340 of course of
00:59:29.060 course you
00:59:29.460 can't do like
00:59:30.420 that's that's
00:59:31.080 the end goal
00:59:31.620 yeah yeah
00:59:32.180 ingredients to
00:59:33.060 get there of
00:59:33.560 course of
00:59:34.000 course definitely
00:59:34.980 oh yeah
00:59:35.540 that's it