Ali Dawah - MEN SHOULDN’T CHASE WOMAN - HERE IS WHY @NaimaBRobertTV

00:00:00.000 And I think one of the sort of aha moments that I've had over the past couple of years is how much we as women have been lied to about almost everything.

00:00:09.340 If anyone mentions anything about women or anything about sisters, sisters will say, well, what about the men?

00:00:15.240 Well, what about the brothers?

00:00:16.280 It's like we can't take accountability.

00:00:18.340 We can't be honest with ourselves.

00:00:20.460 The Prophet ﷺ treated his wives well.

00:00:23.580 He treated them fairly.

00:00:24.840 He treated them justly.

00:00:26.060 He was kind.

00:00:26.860 He was generous.

00:00:27.680 He was loving.

00:00:28.300 He was affectionate.

00:00:29.080 He was all of those things, right?

00:00:30.600 But his purpose in life was not to keep his wives happy.

00:00:34.800 The Prophet ﷺ never said to men that they will be judged upon the pleasure of their wives or the pleasing of their wives.

00:00:42.040 They will be judged upon their treatment of their wives.

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00:01:02.300 Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, brothers and sisters and dear friends.

00:01:06.260 Hope you guys are well, inshallah.

00:01:07.500 Before I start, I want to praise Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, the most merciful, the most just,

00:01:10.360 all praises, glory and gratitude belong to him.

00:01:12.620 We have an amazing, honorable, dear sister, subhanallah, sister Naima B. Robert.

00:01:17.760 Is that correct?

00:01:20.420 Correct.

00:01:21.580 Okay, sister.

00:01:22.280 May Allah bless you, inshallah.

00:01:23.220 I'm really bad with names, but alhamdulillah, I got that right.

00:01:26.280 So, we've got our sister here and we are going to, inshallah, be talking about issues pertaining to gender roles.

00:01:33.540 But, inshallah, we're going to be reacting to two videos.

00:01:36.740 One of sister Naima's videos, which actually went viral.

00:01:41.240 We're going to find out why did it go viral, specifically with the Red Pill community.

00:01:45.800 It went viral.

00:01:46.740 Then, we're going to react to a video of myself changing my daughter, putting her clothes on, etc.

00:01:53.580 And, we're going to react to that as well.

00:01:54.880 So, we're going to be covering two extremes here today, inshallah.

00:01:57.760 And, we will come to that, which is feminism and Red Pill. 1.00

00:02:00.080 But, yeah, sister Naima, please tell us, for those who do not know you a bit, about yourself, inshallah.

00:02:05.240 And, also, there is something, you've got an announcement that you want to make as well, inshallah.

00:02:09.720 And, brother and sister, you guys are watching at home, myself and sister Naima, are working on a project, inshallah, which will help young, well, not just young, single Muslims into the marriage-seeking process, which will be launched, inshallah, at the end of June.

00:02:22.620 Keep an eye out for that, inshallah.

00:02:24.140 But, before that, we'll get, inshallah, straight to sister Naima.

00:02:27.000 So, sister Naima, tell us, what do you have coming up?

00:02:29.020 And, also, tell us a bit about yourself.

00:02:31.920 Jazakallah khairan, brother Ali Dawah.

00:02:33.240 As-salamu alaykum, everyone.

00:02:34.640 It's wonderful to be here on this platform.

00:02:37.080 It's my first time.

00:02:38.200 So, I'm really, really pleased to be here, alhamdulillah.

00:02:40.960 For those of you who don't know me, my name is Naima B. Robert.

00:02:44.040 I'm an award-winning author of over 30 books for children, teens, and adults.

00:02:48.180 And, alhamdulillah, I get to coach women, mainly, but some brothers as well, to be able to share their story, message, or knowledge in a book, inshallah.

00:02:58.400 So, I'm working with sisters at the moment.

00:03:01.900 Information about that will be in the description, inshallah.

00:03:04.120 So, if you would like to know more about that, please do follow the link in the description.

00:03:08.400 But, for now, you know, aside from the book writing, aside from the coaching, alhamdulillah, I get to present, I get to speak, and get to be an entrepreneur.

00:03:18.880 And, you know, I have, alhamdulillah, five children, and I get to be a homeschooling, homesteading mom as well, alhamdulillah.

00:03:26.360 So, that's a little bit about me, and my YouTube channel has lots more about the stuff that we talk about.

00:03:32.480 Lots of marriage conversations over there, but we'd love to see you guys over there as well, inshallah.

00:03:38.160 Inshallah.

00:03:38.600 Amazing.

00:03:38.980 May Allah bless you, preserve you, inshallah, for that, alhamdulillah, for the service that you're doing to the Ummah, which is one of the biggest threats that we have today is divorce. 0.61

00:03:46.480 And, inshallah, like we said, we will be working with Sister Naima to combat these issues, inshallah.

00:03:52.180 And, yeah, inshallah, in a couple of months, we'll be launching an app, which will, inshallah, cater for that.

00:03:57.780 So, I'm going to get straight into it.

00:03:58.620 Let's get straight into this video.

00:03:59.400 So, you had this video which went viral.

00:04:01.440 I'm going to play it, or let's play it, inshallah, let the people see.

00:04:04.660 And we're going to come back and see what was the hype, what was the hype about it, inshallah.

00:04:08.100 You ready?

00:04:09.480 Sure.

00:04:10.260 Yep, let's go.

00:04:10.880 If you have to convince a sister, a woman, that you are a good option, that you're her best option, right, by jumping through hoops, by proving yourself, by buying her stuff, by telling her what she wants to hear, she's not the one for you. 1.00

00:04:28.780 That's what I tell my sons.

00:04:30.640 Why do I say that?

00:04:31.980 Because she clearly does not see you as her best option, right?

00:04:36.820 She thinks you're just one of many, or maybe you're okay, but maybe another better one is coming, right?

00:04:42.440 Now, if you finally convince her to marry you, what's going to happen in that relationship?

00:04:49.020 What's going to be the power dynamic in that relationship?

00:04:51.400 You've basically signed up for a life of her on a pedestal, and you working overtime to please her.

00:04:59.760 And sisters, unfortunately, hate it when I talk about this, right?

00:05:04.100 Because this is the model we've been presented by society.

00:05:07.340 A man's job is to please you. 1.00

00:05:09.360 A man's job is to make sure you are happy.

00:05:11.520 A man's job is to cater to you, etc. 0.98

00:05:14.120 And the reality is, certainly as far as the deen is concerned, it's actually the opposite.

00:05:22.800 Allah and the Prophet have taught us as women the importance of pleasing our husbands, of catering to our husbands, of looking after our husbands.

00:05:34.200 Okay, so you heard that for yourself, brothers and sisters.

00:05:38.380 I'm going to press like for that video.

00:05:40.720 Actually, I've already liked it.

00:05:41.560 I'm going to like it again.

00:05:43.340 And, okay, so, jokes aside.

00:05:46.300 Okay, so, I think there was a lot of truths there that was spoken.

00:05:54.080 One thing that I want to touch upon, so what's, I mean, tell us a bit about that podcast, etc.

00:05:59.700 But besides that, for those who are watching at home, some sisters might be very upset, you know.

00:06:04.760 Why?

00:06:05.440 Why did you have to say that?

00:06:06.760 So, I'm going to come to my perspective of it, because, and I come from a different angle,

00:06:12.600 but tell us a bit more, you know, if you can just elaborate a little bit more about what you said there.

00:06:22.620 Sure.

00:06:23.200 So, Bismillah.

00:06:23.740 Obviously, this clip was in the context of a very long conversation, mashallah.

00:06:30.100 And I, we were talking about lots of different things, and we got to this particular point in the conversation.

00:06:35.880 And I think one of the sort of aha moments that I've had over the past couple of years is how much we, as women, have been lied to about almost everything, right?

00:06:50.080 About our role, about what value we bring, about what our priorities are, about the roles that we should play in, you know, all our relationships.

00:07:01.600 And a lot, a huge part of that is the Disney, Hollywood, Bollywood, you know, romance, music, etc. industry that has taught us a model, right?

00:07:13.960 And now, in our heads, that is the ideal model.

00:07:18.240 That is the model of the ideal relationship.

00:07:21.060 What is it?

00:07:21.960 The ideal relationship is where the man is chasing and where he's trying to prove himself and is constantly working to make you happy, make you happy, make you happy.

00:07:31.960 And the most important aspect of that relationship is how you feel in that relationship.

00:07:37.340 Now, lots of sisters will say, well, what's wrong with a man making his wife happy? 0.99

00:07:41.280 And lots of comments.

00:07:42.740 I mean, the video has had over 3 million views.

00:07:44.840 I've never, ever had a video go crazy like that before.

00:07:48.400 But it's so mad to me how you look through those comments, every man is saying, that's the truce.

00:07:56.140 That is exactly what it's like.

00:07:58.760 You will work yourself to the bone for a woman and she still won't see you, right? 1.00

00:08:06.060 Or you will try, you know, if you're jumping through hoops or whatever, she doesn't want you or she's, you know, all of these things.

00:08:10.760 And so many men are like, that is what happens.

00:08:13.760 That is exactly what happens.

00:08:15.240 And of course, the women are feeling attacked and feeling on, you know, they go on the defensive and they're like, well, why does it have to be one way?

00:08:24.380 What's wrong with a man proving himself? 1.00

00:08:26.320 Now, before I kind of go into the other side of it, because it was with, you know, the Islamic side of it, you know, one of the things that a lot of people did, and I noticed online, women slash sisters, we do this all the time.

00:08:40.740 If anyone mentions anything about women or anything about sisters, women, sisters will say, well, what about the men?

00:08:50.400 Well, what about the brothers?

00:08:52.160 You know, why do, you know, it's like we can't take accountability.

00:08:56.740 We can't be honest with ourselves and with others.

00:09:00.600 And actually, no, no, no.

00:09:02.880 It's really, it's something that's quite amazing for me to see, right?

00:09:07.300 Like, you're being told something.

00:09:09.680 And the thing is, the idea that, you know, because so many people said, you know, like in Islam, it's not like that.

00:09:17.660 You know, the husband and wife should cater to each other, etc. 0.91

00:09:20.300 And I had this conversation with some more sisters who are much more knowledgeable than me, right?

00:09:25.360 And I asked them, you know, was I wrong in what I said?

00:09:28.340 Because from what I know from the Quran and the Sunnah, the Prophet ﷺ treated his wives well.

00:09:35.740 He treated them fairly.

00:09:38.040 He treated them justly.

00:09:39.700 He was kind.

00:09:40.720 He was generous.

00:09:41.920 He was loving.

00:09:42.820 He was affectionate.

00:09:43.720 He was all of those things, right?

00:09:46.300 But his purpose in life was not to keep his wives happy.

00:09:52.000 Because if that had been his purpose, he would have failed.

00:09:56.180 Because guess what?

00:09:57.680 Ain't no woman happy all the time. 1.00

00:10:00.260 And some women and sisters, we know this, right? 0.93

00:10:03.160 We know this because we're living in this body.

00:10:06.420 We're living in this mind, right?

00:10:08.540 One day, he does something lovely for you.

00:10:12.220 It makes, it's like your whole world becomes a paradise, right?

00:10:16.520 Two weeks later, catch you in a different, you know, season of your cycle.

00:10:21.660 He does the same thing.

00:10:22.960 And you've got the ick.

00:10:23.900 You're like, oh, why is he always doing that?

00:10:25.800 Or why didn't he do this instead?

00:10:27.540 So sisters, ladies, we need to be honest with ourselves as well.

00:10:31.800 The Prophet ﷺ never said to men that they will be judged upon the pleasure of their wives

00:10:40.500 or the pleasing of their wives.

00:10:42.880 They will be judged upon their treatment of their wives, right?

00:10:46.200 Because that's something that's quantifiable, all right?

00:10:48.500 Something that is, it's just to judge somebody upon that basis.

00:10:52.580 But if we start to go into the hadith that mention the value of pleasing your husband,

00:10:57.980 of catering to your husband, sisters get triggered.

00:11:00.580 They don't want to hear it.

00:11:02.960 And unfortunately, the reason why we don't want to hear it is because we have imbibed this

00:11:08.060 idea that we're equals, we're partners, like, you know, we're supposed to have the same say

00:11:13.440 and, you know, basically everything is the same.

00:11:16.060 And Islam is, you know, gender equality and feminine, you know, Islam is a feminist religion 1.00

00:11:20.840 and Islam did this and Islam did that.

00:11:22.820 Islam did this. 1.00

00:11:23.440 Yes, there are aspects of Islam that you could say, this is pro-woman, but there are other

00:11:30.820 aspects of Islam that the man has the upper hand.

00:11:34.220 And that is because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala designed a system. 0.88

00:11:37.620 And if we as women are not happy to play our part in the system, the system is not going 0.99

00:11:43.740 to work.

00:11:44.920 So I don't want to go too long about this and kind of rant and rave about it.

00:11:48.500 But that was one of the things I saw coming through is that sisters can't stand to hear 0.97

00:11:53.560 that their husband has a right over them.

00:11:56.060 They don't want to hear it because they're just like, no, no, no, no.

00:11:58.900 What about the husband?

00:11:59.600 What does he have to do?

00:12:00.580 But what if he does this?

00:12:01.300 And what if he's like that?

00:12:02.020 What if he's like this?

00:12:02.640 He's like, never realizing that, hold on a minute, sis, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is 0.96

00:12:06.240 actually going to question you about how you treated your husband.

00:12:08.960 He's actually going to question you about how pleased he was with you.

00:12:12.880 And that is not this.

00:12:13.900 It's not the reverse.

00:12:15.080 And again, any scholars or students of knowledge out there who know that my interpretation is

00:12:20.500 incorrect, please reach out to me because I tried to see, is this equal?

00:12:25.720 Is it literally in the eyes of Allah is equal?

00:12:28.720 And from what I can see, it's not.

00:12:30.400 There is a hierarchy.

00:12:32.360 And if we can't be comfortable with that, we are going to be butting heads again and

00:12:35.940 again with the dean.

00:12:37.440 And butting heads with the dean is always going to be a losing battle.

00:12:41.640 Yeah, I think, you know, like, mashallah, may Allah bless you.

00:12:44.520 That's the issue because at the end of the day, it's a responsibility that is given to us.

00:12:50.900 So the responsibility is so high that, of course, that's the reason why, for example, our wives

00:12:59.000 are going to be asked, like, for example, like the Hadith of the Prophet, that if a woman

00:13:03.780 who prays the Salah and does the basics, etc.

00:13:06.400 And her husband is pleased with her, she can enter Jannah, I think it says, through any

00:13:10.620 door or something along those lines.

00:13:12.060 So why?

00:13:12.940 So this is a fact.

00:13:14.420 And this is something that submission to Islam is very simple. 0.96

00:13:17.500 You submit it.

00:13:18.440 You have to submit to it.

00:13:19.340 Now, sis might be thinking, ah, but why?

00:13:21.380 Hold on a second.

00:13:22.300 There are so many things that as men, we are told to do that we submit to.

00:13:27.660 There are no things that don't make it seem as if Allah is telling you to do things that

00:13:31.040 you don't like, for example, be it polygamy, be it this, obedience to her husband, not going

00:13:35.100 out without the husband's permission.

00:13:36.780 There is reasons why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has specific protocols in place when it comes

00:13:41.800 to a woman, because there are studies that show that a woman can be easily manipulated. 1.00

00:13:45.280 So there's so many things Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has put in place to protect you.

00:13:49.360 So for us, for example, as men, I mean, if you think about it, that protecting, providing,

00:13:55.600 when there's a war, like look at Ukraine, there's an outright war, most of the women 1.00

00:14:00.380 have left, the men are there dying.

00:14:02.640 Literally, these men are dying.

00:14:04.180 They are dying.

00:14:05.040 These women are getting focused saying, your husband died. 1.00

00:14:06.940 You just got shot. 0.67

00:14:07.580 You're dead, by the way. 0.99

00:14:08.560 Yeah. 0.97

00:14:08.820 So the thing is here, is that it's because of that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given 0.77

00:14:13.240 the man one delijit above the woman.

00:14:15.420 So it's so many responsibility that is on the shoulders of a man.

00:14:19.780 That's the reason why that if you, like the Prophet shallallahu alaihi wa ta'ala said,

00:14:23.160 that if I was to ask anybody to prostrate to anybody, it will be the wife to the husband. 0.97

00:14:28.320 Now, when we say this, a lot of sisters think, my husband who doesn't give me my rights,

00:14:32.780 my husband who cheats on me, my husband who doesn't provide, no, not that husband, not

00:14:36.540 that husband.

00:14:37.200 No way in the hadith does it say, your husband who violates you.

00:14:40.220 As a Muslim woman, you have a right to ask for divorce if you catch him being disloyal.

00:14:44.620 And when I'm in disloyal, I'm not talking about polygamy.

00:14:46.640 I'm talking about disloyal, full out disloyal.

00:14:48.980 Or he doesn't provide.

00:14:50.460 Or other things that I don't want to get into now.

00:14:53.020 But there's, you have rights.

00:14:54.100 So Islam has given you those rights, but you need to understand that that is the responsibility 1.00

00:14:58.920 that we have, which is so, like, what we have is not something that we enjoy.

00:15:03.880 You know, it's hard to provide and protect, but yeah.

00:15:07.440 No, I just, you know, I would like to just pause on that point that you made about sisters

00:15:12.980 saying, oh, the husband who does this and the husband who does that.

00:15:16.780 It's like, when it comes to men, when it comes to brothers, sisters don't give any grace.

00:15:25.180 There's no rahmah. 1.00

00:15:26.960 And they always, I find, the narrative is always either the lowest common denominator or the

00:15:33.820 worst case scenario.

00:15:35.240 Let me tell you something, yeah?

00:15:37.020 I've worked with thousands of women now, mashallah, tabarakallah. 0.94

00:15:40.560 Out of those thousands of women that I've worked with in all different capacities, there's

00:15:45.860 a minority whose husbands are, yeah, not giving what needs to be gave, okay?

00:15:53.120 They are not fulfilling their responsibilities in the eyes of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, right? 0.97

00:15:58.860 The majority are average.

00:16:02.380 The majority of Muslim husbands that I know of, and again, come for me in the comments

00:16:07.840 if you think that I'm way off, the majority of us are average seekers.

00:16:14.500 We're trying our best.

00:16:16.300 Now, when I say trying your best, as a man, and I say this on the podcast, what is the

00:16:22.780 baseline with regards to your marriage as a man?

00:16:25.900 As you said, protect, provide, try to be a good example.

00:16:30.220 Look after your family, bro.

00:16:31.500 Like, that's what's required, okay?

00:16:33.500 Be a man, look after your family.

00:16:35.900 Now, unfortunately for us, women, we're complicated beings, okay? 1.00

00:16:41.300 We don't judge people the way that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala judges people.

00:16:44.760 We judge according to a whole host of other criteria that Allah never mentioned, right?

00:16:51.700 Oh, is he romantic?

00:16:53.420 You know, does he give you gifts?

00:16:54.860 Does he compare to so-and-so's husband?

00:16:57.060 You know, is he optimizing his financial status?

00:17:00.360 You know, has he bought you a new car in the last five years?

00:17:02.980 All of these material things, all of these personal, emotional things, you're using those

00:17:09.000 criteria to judge your husband and find him lacking.

00:17:13.820 And again, I don't think I'm overstating the case when I say that our generation and the

00:17:19.740 one coming after, we have been bred to have disdain for men, okay?

00:17:26.180 Even if we're married to them, even if we have husbands, fathers, sons even, a lot of women 0.99

00:17:33.520 today suffer from disdain for men.

00:17:36.480 And if it's not disdain and distaste, then it is distrust, okay?

00:17:40.780 We don't have respect for men.

00:17:42.740 We don't, right?

00:17:44.360 We look at our husband who's working in the kitchen, right?

00:17:48.400 In his work.

00:17:49.580 He's a chef.

00:17:51.240 And subhanAllah, when you listen to men, that's why a lot of sisters are kind of upset with 0.98

00:17:55.940 me or they got upset with me last year because, sis, you've changed.

00:17:58.980 Like, you used to be so pro the sisters.

00:18:01.440 You used to give those brothers and tell it like it was and da-da-da-da-da.

00:18:05.120 Why have you changed?

00:18:06.260 Why are you always siding with the brothers?

00:18:07.840 And I say, I'm pro-Ummah.

00:18:11.520 That's what I'm pro.

00:18:13.200 I am pro-Ummah. 0.94

00:18:15.140 I'm pro-family.

00:18:17.020 I'm pro the next generation, right? 1.00

00:18:19.860 And that means that some of us sisters are going to have to sit down and listen. 1.00

00:18:24.640 And some of those brothers are going to have to sit down and listen because this is not

00:18:28.500 about us.

00:18:29.680 It's not about us and our egos and, you know, our dreams that we've got for ourselves as

00:18:34.880 individuals.

00:18:35.340 Because as soon as you join with another human being that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala 1.00

00:18:39.300 joined, chose for you to join with and chose to bless you with kids, it's not about you

00:18:44.940 anymore.

00:18:45.600 It's about the unit.

00:18:47.020 It's about the family.

00:18:48.140 It's about the next generation.

00:18:49.560 It's about your legacy, right?

00:18:51.360 So, you know, this attitude that I see sisters having and I see online especially, I don't

00:18:58.500 know how much of it trickles down into real life, to be honest.

00:19:00.900 But online, sisters are out of pocket and they do it in a really sly way, especially 0.59

00:19:07.860 in the practicing community.

00:19:09.740 Sisters quote Quran and Hadith in a way that is a dig at men, that is undermining men, that 0.74

00:19:17.720 is disrespectful to men as a group, right?

00:19:20.860 You know when sisters say, we're not here to worship no man.

00:19:23.840 We're here to worship Allah, right?

00:19:25.660 We don't care what any man thinks of us.

00:19:28.760 We, you know, we answer only to Allah.

00:19:30.740 Sis, you need to understand that that attitude that you have is disrespectful.

00:19:36.040 And a lot of sisters, unfortunately, they've got good dads.

00:19:40.660 They've got nice brothers.

00:19:42.580 They have a decent husband. 0.50

00:19:44.720 They've got sons.

00:19:45.700 And they still have this distaste and distrust and disdain for men, something that we need

00:19:51.260 to recognize within ourselves.

00:19:52.680 And we need to deal with it because I am so scared when I hear the way some sisters go 1.00

00:19:57.700 online about men and brothers, men, brothers.

00:19:59.900 And I think, you've got a son.

00:20:03.060 What are you teaching your son?

00:20:05.280 You know, and they'll say, oh, I'm bringing up the next generation of men.

00:20:08.540 I said, girl, you're bitter.

00:20:10.480 Okay, you are angry.

00:20:11.880 And you are bitter.

00:20:12.720 And you do not like men. 0.89

00:20:14.280 How are you going to teach your son to be a man if you hate men?

00:20:17.900 Like, how does it, how, it doesn't compute.

00:20:21.360 You'll end up showing him how to be a woman instead of being a man. 0.89

00:20:25.160 Yeah.

00:20:25.320 A man.

00:20:26.080 Yeah.

00:20:26.360 And, yeah, yeah.

00:20:28.300 I think it's, it's, it's, like, what you said is very, like, subhanAllah, it's, it's

00:20:33.040 so true.

00:20:33.620 And, and I just see that because the thing is the, there's power dynamics.

00:20:37.680 You know what, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, it's very interesting.

00:20:40.040 Like, I find it interesting that, for example, usually for a woman, her biological clock,

00:20:45.520 it's around, like, 30 onwards.

00:20:49.000 For a man, it isn't.

00:20:49.900 And I believe Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has put power dynamics in place. 0.98

00:20:52.540 Because you need to understand, for a woman from the age of 18 to about 28, 26, she's sought 0.99

00:20:57.360 after.

00:20:58.260 Like, men are just flocking.

00:20:59.660 She has a pool of men to choose from. 1.00

00:21:01.680 For a man, it's not.

00:21:03.140 I mean, there's studies that show this as well.

00:21:04.580 So, the power dynamics change because I believe if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allowed the woman's 1.00

00:21:09.540 biological clock to be 40, 50, there'll be chaos.

00:21:12.560 There'll be fitna in the land. 1.00

00:21:13.880 Yeah?

00:21:14.080 And now, people might be thinking this.

00:21:15.500 What do you mean by that?

00:21:16.480 What I mean is that, for example, that by the get-go, as a woman, you are valued.

00:21:21.960 You are born with value.

00:21:23.560 And I'm not talking about this Red Bull talk.

00:21:25.040 Forget this nonsense when I'm talking, when I'm using certain terminology, I'm not talking

00:21:27.860 about that.

00:21:28.320 I'm saying you are born with a value.

00:21:30.160 As men, we have to gain that.

00:21:32.200 Working, providing, saving up.

00:21:33.920 Now, I'm ready to get married.

00:21:35.420 You get what I'm trying to say?

00:21:36.340 So, even then, a woman, I have to propose. 1.00

00:21:39.720 I have to speak to the Father.

00:21:41.060 I have to give the mahal.

00:21:42.460 That's you improving yourself.

00:21:44.020 That's you improving yourself.

00:21:45.680 Exactly.

00:21:46.480 So, the thing is, you are protecting and providing.

00:21:48.880 So, all of those elements are in place.

00:21:50.520 So, when we say Allah has given a degree over to a man, it's a responsibility. 0.98

00:21:55.440 It's not privilege.

00:21:56.900 I'll be honest with you.

00:21:57.720 I mean, think about it.

00:21:58.760 The amount of men who are in dangerous working jobs, the amount of men that, you know, usually

00:22:04.100 men usually die much younger than a woman, yeah? 0.83

00:22:07.180 And the dangerous jobs that they do, well, going out, even if a thief breaks into the

00:22:12.000 house, there's so many elements where I would prefer to cook the biryani all day, every

00:22:16.520 day, and you go and do this stuff.

00:22:18.240 But the sisters take this as if it's a privilege.

00:22:22.380 Like, they think, oh, these men, Allah has given them privileges.

00:22:25.440 Really?

00:22:25.780 What privilege?

00:22:26.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:27.560 Yeah.

00:22:28.060 Again, it's that feminist lens. 1.00

00:22:30.480 It's the feminist lens that sees, you know, the power and privilege rather than responsibility. 1.00

00:22:36.820 And we don't have to go to dangerous jobs and war and those extremes.

00:22:41.720 How many sisters would honestly sign up to be punished by Allah for not going pray in the

00:22:48.620 masjid for five times?

00:22:50.220 Five times a day?

00:22:51.660 Yes.

00:22:51.980 How many of us would do that?

00:22:53.660 You know, let's be real for a second here, right?

00:22:55.760 What about even turning your back in war?

00:23:00.040 Majors, even, Allah says, turning your back. 0.99

00:23:03.280 Can you imagine, sister, Naila, sisters don't really understand this.

00:23:06.520 Do you know what going to war is?

00:23:07.700 Like, sometimes, by the way, we're going to have you on the Bitter Truth Show, inshallah,

00:23:10.140 when you come back, when you come, inshallah, into the UK, yeah, that when I talk about 0.89

00:23:13.660 the issue of the polygamy, like, sister, yeah, I'm like, look, I understand. 0.98

00:23:17.200 I understand.

00:23:18.000 Even the best, the mother, the believers, yes, they were jealous, etc. 0.52

00:23:21.660 But the point is this, if your husband, just off topic, gets married again, he's still

00:23:26.300 in your life, you're still alive, the second wife is still alive, hopefully if you don't 1.00

00:23:30.220 kill her. 1.00

00:23:30.520 But for a man, for example, when he goes to war, there is a possibility, and we men have 0.99

00:23:36.620 ghira.

00:23:37.480 Our ghira is to such a level that even if we're giving our daughters' hand in marriage,

00:23:41.160 inside we're like, even if marriage is halal, but we're inside like, it's both, it's halal,

00:23:47.880 but deep down the ghira that we have.

00:23:49.380 So imagine us going to war knowing I might die, have a limb cut off, I don't know, have

00:23:56.620 a disability, whatever it may be.

00:23:58.360 Or, if I die, you are going to marry somebody else.

00:24:03.640 Why do you think the concept of khura al-ayn is given to men?

00:24:07.680 Because it's something for us to at least be motivated towards.

00:24:11.780 We're going to war?

00:24:12.780 Okay, you know what?

00:24:14.620 Because my wife's going to get married to somebody else, my kids are going to be gone, 0.95

00:24:17.620 all these elements, Allah says, khura al-ayn, okay, yalla. 0.54

00:24:21.540 Do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:24:22.900 It's just like Allah knows us.

00:24:25.320 Yeah, and this is the thing, right?

00:24:27.120 This is, you just hit the nail on the head.

00:24:30.760 Allah knows how he created us.

00:24:33.620 Now, can the fitrah be corrupted? 1.00

00:24:36.420 Absolutely.

00:24:37.980 Right?

00:24:38.160 Can the true understanding of who you are, as everything, right?

00:24:45.840 As a man, as a woman, as a daughter, a son, a husband, a wife, a brother, an imam, a servant, 0.68

00:24:52.720 whatever it is, right?

00:24:54.200 Can our natural understanding of that role be corrupted?

00:24:58.980 Of course it can.

00:24:59.760 And what we need to understand, and I hope that we can try within our community,

00:25:04.300 is to clock on before the damage that has happened to Western society happens to us.

00:25:13.300 Give me an example.

00:25:15.140 Because we're on the same train.

00:25:17.240 People do not think that because we say Quran and Sunnah,

00:25:21.560 we're not on the same train as the rest of society.

00:25:24.380 The only thing is, we're just holding on to the brakes.

00:25:26.900 I will transmit it a little bit slower.

00:25:28.980 We're trying to hold on to the brakes, but there's people who are like,

00:25:32.020 no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:25:33.140 Let's go.

00:25:33.880 Let's go.

00:25:34.380 Let's say this.

00:25:35.300 Is it okay for a woman to say, my husband honoured me when he married me?

00:25:46.920 Is it okay?

00:25:48.560 Is it okay to say, I'm grateful that I am my husband's wife?

00:25:54.820 Is it okay to say, my husband blessed me with children because of him, I have these children?

00:26:01.480 Is it okay?

00:26:02.580 And I'm asking sisters to be honest.

00:26:04.360 What comes up for you when you hear that?

00:26:07.440 Are you comfortable with that?

00:26:09.220 Do you feel some sort of resistance to that?

00:26:11.780 Because if you feel some sort of resistance, then you've got some work to do.

00:26:15.860 Because, subhanAllah, I say this all the time.

00:26:19.580 For a decent man to decide to commit to you and partner with you as his wife 0.99

00:26:27.080 and choose you as the mother of his children

00:26:30.120 and go out there day in, day out, whatever he's doing,

00:26:34.780 thinking only of you and those kids.

00:26:37.040 Thinking of only you and those kids and that house, right?

00:26:41.120 Fighting whatever battles he needs to fight because of you and those kids.

00:26:46.140 That, sis, is an honor.

00:26:48.560 Okay?

00:26:49.600 By itself.

00:26:50.380 Even without the date night, even without the lovey-dovey TikToks,

00:26:55.940 then the real love language.

00:26:57.300 That's true stuff.

00:26:58.880 That there is a love language.

00:27:00.580 So, you know, like, for example, sisters think buying flowers.

00:27:04.380 If you just thought to yourself,

00:27:05.500 this guy, when he leaves the house to the moment he comes back,

00:27:08.680 and if you saw, just because you don't visually see what he's doing,

00:27:11.300 yeah, if you saw, you'll say,

00:27:12.820 this is a love language.

00:27:14.540 Because he is showing his love via no man,

00:27:18.380 like Andrew Tate said.

00:27:20.000 He said that no man goes and says,

00:27:23.600 he said it obviously before Islam,

00:27:24.760 he said it in the crude way,

00:27:25.540 but he said no man goes out and be like,

00:27:27.500 oh, let me go and work to oppress my wife. 1.00

00:27:29.540 How am I going to oppress?

00:27:30.360 Which man goes?

00:27:31.280 Like me, my friends, when we go out to provide,

00:27:33.940 we're doing it because we love our family.

00:27:35.800 We don't go and say, okay, I'm going to work hard,

00:27:37.240 so let me see when I go home.

00:27:38.360 How am I going to oppress her today?

00:27:40.340 Yeah.

00:27:41.120 Yeah, yeah, 100%.

00:27:42.320 So going back to this gratitude, right?

00:27:48.180 Unfortunately, within sister circles, 0.54

00:27:51.080 we're big on gratitude, right?

00:27:52.740 All the coaches, all the speakers,

00:27:54.420 we're talking about gratitude.

00:27:55.600 Gratitude, gratitude makes the whole, you know,

00:27:57.700 Allah says, if you are grateful, I will give you more.

00:28:00.080 We're grateful for the trials of this life.

00:28:02.640 We're grateful for our children

00:28:03.860 and all their trials and everything.

00:28:05.540 But dare say to sisters,

00:28:07.840 be grateful for your husband.

00:28:10.340 Be grateful to your husband.

00:28:12.820 Oh my goodness.

00:28:15.160 That's when everyone's hackles rise.

00:28:17.660 That's when everybody is triggered.

00:28:19.360 That's when everybody goes crazy.

00:28:21.220 And my question is, why, sis?

00:28:23.560 Why?

00:28:24.720 Why are you getting triggered

00:28:26.760 when you hear the hadith being quoted

00:28:29.340 about the majority of women being in hellfire? 0.99

00:28:31.980 Why?

00:28:32.780 Because of being ungrateful to their husbands.

00:28:35.800 When he does something,

00:28:37.760 he can be all good

00:28:38.760 and everything can be all good.

00:28:40.120 And he does one thing

00:28:40.960 and you say to him,

00:28:41.840 I have never seen any good from you.

00:28:43.560 We also have to reflect, sisters.

00:28:46.920 Keep Brother Ali out of the conversation for now.

00:28:49.440 Sisters, fear Allah. 0.86

00:28:52.020 Reflect on yourselves.

00:28:54.140 We must reflect on ourselves.

00:28:55.760 The last thing I want to see in our community

00:28:58.980 is this trend of sisters quitting their marriages. 0.95

00:29:02.860 Of marriages ending because sisters are like,

00:29:05.220 no, no, this is not for me anymore.

00:29:06.960 It's not this.

00:29:07.660 It's not that.

00:29:08.120 It's not this.

00:29:08.580 It's not giving what needs to be gave.

00:29:10.440 Sisters, fear Allah. 0.86

00:29:12.380 Because you should not allow yourself

00:29:14.820 to be used by the shaitan

00:29:16.400 to break up a marriage.

00:29:18.400 And I know sisters will say,

00:29:19.620 oh, you're gaslighting.

00:29:21.280 You know, there are sisters 1.00

00:29:22.200 with genuine problems.

00:29:23.460 What about the brothers

00:29:24.120 who are domestic violence? 1.00

00:29:25.440 Rah, rah, rah, rah.

00:29:26.800 You know I'm not talking about them.

00:29:28.860 Exactly.

00:29:29.340 I don't know why

00:29:29.760 the majority of you

00:29:30.680 are not even in that situation.

00:29:32.340 So why are you bringing that up?

00:29:33.860 Why do they always bring that up?

00:29:35.080 Well, I don't understand.

00:29:35.820 I've done a post.

00:29:36.760 We're going to react to one of my videos,

00:29:37.920 by the way.

00:29:38.240 Let's react in a minute, yeah?

00:29:39.040 I've done a video where I was like,

00:29:40.260 it was in Ramadan.

00:29:40.900 And I was like,

00:29:41.760 basically, guys,

00:29:42.560 so I'm giving a nasir to men.

00:29:45.040 So I'm like, guys, look,

00:29:45.920 I just came out.

00:29:46.540 I'm going to go for a little jog.

00:29:48.000 Just for those men.

00:29:50.920 She was a bit late.

00:29:51.840 The food was going to be a bit late.

00:29:52.820 So I thought, you know what?

00:29:53.500 Instead of like,

00:29:53.900 oh, where's my food?

00:29:54.580 I'm hungry.

00:29:55.300 Relax, calm down.

00:29:56.080 Have some mercy on her.

00:29:57.580 And I was just giving,

00:29:58.140 somebody said to the brothers

00:29:58.760 to be relaxed, calm down

00:29:59.780 when it comes to that.

00:30:01.060 And I said, look,

00:30:01.660 I told my wife,

00:30:02.600 I'm going to go for like a quick jog.

00:30:03.840 I'll come back.

00:30:04.340 You know, even if it's gone past

00:30:05.320 like half an hour,

00:30:05.860 an hour, I'll have a date.

00:30:06.820 It's calm.

00:30:07.240 It's not a big deal.

00:30:08.620 So I never knew.

00:30:09.800 This got twisted in such a mad way

00:30:11.620 by sisters.

00:30:13.240 And in my head,

00:30:14.020 I'm giving nasir to the men.

00:30:15.660 I'm giving nasir to the men.

00:30:16.700 I'm not saying nothing to the sisters.

00:30:17.800 All I'm saying is,

00:30:18.840 nasir to the men,

00:30:19.600 be patient with your wives.

00:30:21.040 They can be late.

00:30:22.980 All I see in the comment section,

00:30:25.320 why are you not helping her?

00:30:26.880 Why don't you cook?

00:30:28.180 Maybe she's not well.

00:30:29.480 Maybe she's ill.

00:30:30.740 Maybe she's fasting. 0.93

00:30:31.900 Maybe she's this.

00:30:32.540 And I'm thinking,

00:30:33.400 they added so many scenarios

00:30:35.300 to the situation

00:30:36.640 that after when I came back

00:30:37.660 from jogging,

00:30:38.620 I came back, I ate.

00:30:39.920 On top of that,

00:30:40.460 my wife actually made 1.00

00:30:41.040 apple crumble.

00:30:41.960 Yeah, she made apple crumble. 1.00

00:30:42.880 And I was eating the apple crumble.

00:30:43.920 Yeah, I was eating it.

00:30:44.980 She was actually right next to me.

00:30:46.020 Yeah, I was eating it.

00:30:47.300 And then I was,

00:30:47.720 I don't know if you've seen the video.

00:30:48.440 I was making a joke.

00:30:49.020 I was like, yeah,

00:30:49.780 you make sure you make my food.

00:30:50.740 Yeah.

00:30:51.100 And I was doing this.

00:30:51.940 I was like,

00:30:52.200 why the way else?

00:30:52.800 Yeah.

00:30:53.260 And then we were just joking around.

00:30:55.220 Yeah.

00:30:55.660 And then I said to her on camera,

00:30:56.680 I was like,

00:30:57.680 like, did you need my help

00:30:58.580 in the kitchen?

00:30:59.120 Yeah.

00:30:59.380 And as a joke,

00:30:59.980 she goes,

00:31:00.400 yeah, I did actually.

00:31:01.120 Yeah.

00:31:01.180 And we both started laughing.

00:31:02.720 So in a sense,

00:31:03.140 a few people was there

00:31:03.840 and the sister who messaged this,

00:31:05.620 she messaged me later

00:31:06.360 because she was the main corporate

00:31:07.720 who started all this.

00:31:14.980 totally disregarded of this.

00:31:17.020 Was Ali working?

00:31:18.140 Was Ali out providing?

00:31:19.660 Was nothing?

00:31:20.560 It's as if I was doing nothing.

00:31:23.060 She was doing something.

00:31:24.000 I was doing nothing.

00:31:25.020 The fact that I went to leave

00:31:26.000 to go for a joke,

00:31:27.100 it was,

00:31:27.520 and I said to her,

00:31:28.120 just so they can understand.

00:31:30.300 I even said to her,

00:31:31.200 and the only thing she needed for me

00:31:33.100 before I left was she said,

00:31:34.260 my hands are,

00:31:36.100 she was marinating the meat.

00:31:37.780 She said,

00:31:38.020 can you get the lemon?

00:31:39.060 Well,

00:31:39.180 the only thing I did is

00:31:39.840 I cut the lemon

00:31:40.240 and I put the juice on.

00:31:40.900 She told me when to stop.

00:31:41.860 Like a mature man.

00:31:42.580 I was very mature at that moment

00:31:43.400 when I put the lemon juice in.

00:31:44.300 I felt like a real man

00:31:45.200 when I was doing it.

00:31:46.680 She,

00:31:46.980 my wife said,

00:31:49.560 that day she actually said to me,

00:31:51.920 I want to cook this specific dish

00:31:53.160 which takes about two hours.

00:31:54.460 She recommended it.

00:31:55.300 So I was like,

00:31:55.840 look how you guys perverted it,

00:31:57.980 twisted it,

00:31:58.600 as if I'm the husband

00:31:59.720 that doesn't do nothing,

00:32:00.540 stay at home,

00:32:00.940 sleep.

00:32:01.580 I came,

00:32:02.040 my wife is like tired 1.00

00:32:02.700 and I said, 1.00

00:32:02.940 shut up. 1.00

00:32:03.640 You shut up 1.00

00:32:04.080 and make me feel that otherwise. 0.99

00:32:05.660 And then this scenario,

00:32:06.940 and I thought to myself,

00:32:08.080 if my wife didn't have a strong mind, 1.00

00:32:11.000 she could easily

00:32:11.660 look at the goodness

00:32:12.140 and go,

00:32:12.740 yeah,

00:32:13.400 actually,

00:32:14.380 why would she not want me? 0.90

00:32:15.800 And I thought to myself,

00:32:17.080 look at the fit now,

00:32:19.220 could have been,

00:32:20.080 could have started.

00:32:21.080 My wife doesn't like me in the kitchen. 1.00

00:32:22.800 She doesn't like me in the kitchen.

00:32:24.200 Yeah?

00:32:24.620 Okay,

00:32:25.060 one's actually like,

00:32:26.580 sometimes I try to wash dishes

00:32:27.560 when she needs help,

00:32:28.120 she's tired.

00:32:28.460 And she'll come,

00:32:30.620 Allah,

00:32:30.820 she'll know what she'll do.

00:32:31.500 I'll wash the dishes,

00:32:32.140 she'll go and wash the same dishes again. 0.99

00:32:33.600 She'll go and see dishes,

00:32:34.200 I know you didn't do it properly.

00:32:35.340 I said,

00:32:35.640 yeah,

00:32:35.800 okay,

00:32:35.940 you just wasted my time.

00:32:37.320 But the point is what?

00:32:38.480 The point is what?

00:32:39.380 And which video we're going to react to,

00:32:40.640 which ties to this topic,

00:32:41.920 let's watch this quickly

00:32:43.080 and then we'll,

00:32:44.720 so this is the video that I have.

00:32:45.600 This perception where,

00:32:46.640 as a Muslim man,

00:32:47.660 that I am like,

00:32:48.580 you know,

00:32:48.780 this red pill

00:32:50.000 or this fake persona of macho

00:32:52.500 that,

00:32:53.160 you know,

00:32:53.400 look,

00:32:53.620 and I'm just doing this

00:32:54.240 for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala 0.83

00:32:55.240 so that you guys don't understand

00:32:56.740 that when Ali talks in a certain way,

00:32:58.620 you know,

00:32:58.780 pro polygamy or this,

00:32:59.800 that,

00:33:00.040 et cetera.

00:33:00.840 No,

00:33:01.080 no,

00:33:01.180 no,

00:33:01.300 no,

00:33:01.400 no.

00:33:01.640 I don't know what perception you have me of

00:33:03.180 as a husband

00:33:04.200 and I don't need to prove myself to anybody.

00:33:05.700 But I'm doing this reminder

00:33:06.440 for maybe some husbands 0.95

00:33:07.840 who have a persona of

00:33:09.060 thinking that a husband,

00:33:10.920 like for example,

00:33:11.480 now my wife is getting ready. 1.00

00:33:13.480 Okay.

00:33:14.000 She needs to get ready.

00:33:14.780 I'm running a bit late.

00:33:15.460 Yeah.

00:33:15.920 I'm dressing up my daughter,

00:33:17.980 changing her nappy,

00:33:18.700 if needed be,

00:33:19.760 putting her socks on.

00:33:20.880 Do not ever think for a second

00:33:22.320 you are less of a man

00:33:23.240 that this perception of being a man

00:33:25.700 is that,

00:33:26.040 no,

00:33:26.200 this is the wife job. 1.00

00:33:26.860 No,

00:33:27.060 I don't believe this.

00:33:28.220 Any man who is a true man

00:33:29.580 is somebody who takes care of his family.

00:33:31.980 So the reason I'm just saying this

00:33:33.720 is because I want you guys

00:33:35.000 and men out there

00:33:35.920 to not have the perception

00:33:37.580 that,

00:33:38.500 you know,

00:33:39.440 being a macho man

00:33:40.400 is not helping your wife 0.77

00:33:41.640 or,

00:33:42.120 you know,

00:33:42.300 not changing the nappies.

00:33:43.280 Oh,

00:33:43.380 I will never do that.

00:33:44.080 Wallahi, 0.99

00:33:44.380 you're a weak individual. 0.95

00:33:45.440 If you need to help, 0.99

00:33:46.560 you've got a good wife,

00:33:47.620 alhamdulillah.

00:33:48.360 Yes.

00:33:49.000 Okay.

00:33:49.560 You help the household.

00:33:51.240 Okay.

00:33:51.900 Inshallah.

00:33:52.700 And in a nutshell,

00:33:55.020 the reason I've done that video

00:33:56.140 is because I started to notice

00:33:57.780 this whole red pill thing

00:33:58.900 going a little bit extreme,

00:33:59.880 yeah,

00:34:00.720 which is that,

00:34:01.720 and by the way,

00:34:02.380 it's not,

00:34:02.800 I'm not seeing that every man

00:34:04.000 that doesn't do that

00:34:04.660 is less of a man.

00:34:05.740 What I'm seeing is

00:34:06.500 if somebody feels as if,

00:34:08.740 if they can do it

00:34:09.820 and they have no problem

00:34:10.580 in doing it,

00:34:11.620 they are like,

00:34:12.200 oh,

00:34:12.440 this,

00:34:12.660 I've been seeing this,

00:34:13.340 like people have been commenting,

00:34:14.020 I'm thinking like,

00:34:15.120 are men really this like,

00:34:16.560 like brainwashed by the red pill

00:34:18.620 to think,

00:34:19.740 and I know people have a perception

00:34:21.140 of myself with the bitter truth,

00:34:22.280 I'm a bit raw,

00:34:22.840 I'm a bit direct,

00:34:23.540 et cetera.

00:34:24.400 I wanted them to see that side to me

00:34:25.960 because that side is not

00:34:27.300 a side of the camera.

00:34:28.060 My wife knows me.

00:34:29.060 That is Ali in the house 0.96

00:34:30.240 when needed to be.

00:34:31.600 Do you get it?

00:34:31.940 If I see my wife struggling

00:34:33.260 or we need to go somewhere,

00:34:33.980 whatever,

00:34:34.500 I will help put my daughter's shoes,

00:34:36.400 clothes,

00:34:37.240 I've never brushed my daughter's hair.

00:34:39.560 I don't want to say something

00:34:40.080 I haven't done.

00:34:40.740 I have no problem doing it,

00:34:41.520 but they'll probably be messy.

00:34:42.480 But anyways,

00:34:43.020 the point is what?

00:34:44.000 There is no problem.

00:34:46.260 Me,

00:34:46.700 the one you see,

00:34:47.320 Ali,

00:34:47.540 who's,

00:34:47.840 you know,

00:34:48.120 really,

00:34:48.720 you know,

00:34:49.320 sounds like a red pill,

00:34:50.740 this,

00:34:51.040 we follow Islam

00:34:51.880 and we need to understand

00:34:53.580 that there is another extreme

00:34:54.800 which is happening now,

00:34:55.980 which is brothers.

00:34:58.040 Oh,

00:34:58.260 I'm not doing that.

00:34:59.020 That's not my job.

00:35:00.060 So what advice would you give

00:35:01.880 to young men

00:35:02.340 who are maybe

00:35:02.920 influenced by the red pill

00:35:05.580 as,

00:35:06.800 you know,

00:35:08.180 as a sister,

00:35:08.840 you know,

00:35:09.080 to these young men?

00:35:10.340 What advice,

00:35:10.900 because I don't know what advice

00:35:11.420 I would give them,

00:35:11.820 but it would be nice to hear from you.

00:35:13.440 But if there's anything

00:35:13.960 you want to touch upon

00:35:14.560 from the other topic as well,

00:35:15.400 please bring it in.

00:35:17.800 Now,

00:35:18.180 Bismillah,

00:35:18.840 it's a really good topic.

00:35:20.340 It's a really important one

00:35:21.320 because I think that

00:35:22.160 a lot of young men

00:35:23.740 at the moment

00:35:24.760 are kind of

00:35:26.260 trying to redefine

00:35:27.640 or rediscover

00:35:28.320 their own masculinity.

00:35:30.640 That's why

00:35:31.400 you've got so many

00:35:32.380 young men,

00:35:33.020 Muslim and non-Muslim, 0.97

00:35:34.140 sort of flocking 0.97

00:35:34.800 towards hyper-masculine men 0.73

00:35:36.700 who talk about 0.88

00:35:38.080 being a man

00:35:38.920 and who flex

00:35:39.920 like a man

00:35:40.780 and are not afraid

00:35:41.540 of being a man

00:35:42.260 and not ashamed

00:35:42.900 to be a man

00:35:43.480 because the opposite

00:35:45.140 has been happening

00:35:45.820 for a very long time,

00:35:46.920 right?

00:35:47.360 So I get it.

00:35:48.840 I think what I would say

00:35:50.100 is,

00:35:50.740 Alhamdulillah,

00:35:52.880 we are the,

00:35:53.640 this deen

00:35:54.120 is the golden mean,

00:35:55.400 right?

00:35:56.020 This ummah

00:35:56.880 is a balanced ummah.

00:35:58.240 So Alhamdulillah

00:35:59.760 for the seerah,

00:36:01.060 Alhamdulillah

00:36:01.820 for the example

00:36:02.460 of the Prophet

00:36:03.180 sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

00:36:04.360 because if we

00:36:05.800 re-understand

00:36:07.660 the seerah

00:36:08.180 in a balanced way,

00:36:09.280 not cherry-picking,

00:36:10.500 but in a balanced way,

00:36:11.960 you'll see that

00:36:12.780 there is room

00:36:13.760 for the whole spectrum

00:36:16.020 of masculine

00:36:17.220 and feminine energy, 1.00

00:36:18.520 right?

00:36:18.740 And masculine

00:36:19.200 and feminine roles. 1.00

00:36:20.860 Alhamdulillah

00:36:21.380 in the persona

00:36:22.880 of the Prophet

00:36:23.560 sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

00:36:25.060 you go from

00:36:25.900 the extreme,

00:36:26.740 if you want to call it that,

00:36:27.580 from one end,

00:36:28.720 which is,

00:36:29.740 you know,

00:36:29.980 the leader,

00:36:30.860 the strong leader,

00:36:31.920 the war hero,

00:36:33.780 you know,

00:36:34.080 the soldier,

00:36:35.000 the one who instigated

00:36:36.660 punishments on people,

00:36:37.900 the one who punished

00:36:38.680 his wives,

00:36:39.520 yes,

00:36:39.820 let's say that,

00:36:40.760 you know,

00:36:41.040 who told his wives,

00:36:42.280 yo,

00:36:43.000 no,

00:36:43.820 this is not happening,

00:36:44.900 you know,

00:36:45.140 who was able

00:36:46.160 to discipline

00:36:46.880 his people,

00:36:48.240 his family,

00:36:48.880 his household,

00:36:49.420 and whatever,

00:36:50.020 on that one hand,

00:36:50.760 all the way

00:36:52.000 to the other end

00:36:52.860 where the Prophet

00:36:53.580 sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

00:36:53.980 was humble

00:36:54.560 and he was self-effacing

00:36:56.180 and he would very often

00:36:57.740 give up his own haqq 0.93

00:36:58.900 because,

00:37:00.220 well,

00:37:00.440 why?

00:37:00.940 You know what I'm saying?

00:37:01.560 You never see,

00:37:02.440 I've never heard

00:37:03.160 or read of a hadith

00:37:04.480 where the Prophet

00:37:05.040 sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

00:37:05.520 was lording it over

00:37:07.300 anyone in his family

00:37:08.520 who was trying to prove

00:37:10.320 that I have

00:37:11.260 the upper hand,

00:37:12.100 that I am,

00:37:12.740 you know,

00:37:13.080 I'm the man,

00:37:13.840 I should,

00:37:14.160 you just don't see that

00:37:15.620 in the prophetic personality.

00:37:17.780 But,

00:37:17.980 so that's the thing,

00:37:19.000 brothers out there,

00:37:20.360 just learn the sira

00:37:21.560 and try to be as close

00:37:23.420 to the Prophet

00:37:24.380 sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

00:37:24.700 as you can

00:37:25.360 because those characteristics

00:37:27.060 of ghayrah

00:37:27.800 and humility

00:37:28.800 of strength

00:37:29.900 and vulnerability

00:37:30.900 or,

00:37:31.420 you know,

00:37:31.920 being able to be emotional

00:37:34.300 as well as being able

00:37:35.380 to be strong,

00:37:36.260 you will find it all there

00:37:37.760 in the sira.

00:37:38.800 But sisters,

00:37:40.440 please stop this habit

00:37:42.980 that you've developed

00:37:43.940 of cherry picking

00:37:44.940 from the sira

00:37:45.900 to prove your feminist 1.00

00:37:47.460 talking points

00:37:48.340 because it's not befitting.

00:37:51.280 It is not befitting.

00:37:52.740 You cannot only mention

00:37:54.860 when the Prophet

00:37:55.860 sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

00:37:56.240 was soft

00:37:56.840 because he wasn't

00:37:57.780 always soft

00:37:58.620 and you can't only mention

00:38:00.120 the companions

00:38:01.000 that were,

00:38:01.880 you know,

00:38:02.260 whatever you want,

00:38:03.920 you know,

00:38:04.300 to kind of portray

00:38:05.720 and not mention

00:38:07.080 other instances

00:38:08.660 that were nothing

00:38:09.540 like that,

00:38:10.400 okay?

00:38:11.340 Because all that's happening

00:38:12.580 is you're convincing

00:38:13.420 yourself in your own mind

00:38:14.600 that the deen

00:38:15.120 is a particular way.

00:38:16.500 If you want a man 0.99

00:38:17.920 like the Prophet 0.77

00:38:19.080 sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

00:38:20.680 sis,

00:38:21.060 you're going to have to aim

00:38:22.460 to be like Khadija 0.98

00:38:23.420 radiallahu anha.

00:38:24.720 Not the boss babe.

00:38:26.760 Not,

00:38:27.100 oh,

00:38:27.580 the rich,

00:38:28.480 wealthy widow

00:38:29.220 who married a younger man.

00:38:30.780 Oh,

00:38:31.100 flex.

00:38:31.700 No.

00:38:32.400 That's not Khadija. 0.96

00:38:33.280 Slay the day babe. 0.99

00:38:34.700 Those kind of slay the day.

00:38:35.900 That's not our Khadija. 0.96

00:38:36.900 Exactly.

00:38:37.340 That is not our Khadija. 0.94

00:38:38.720 Our mother Khadija

00:38:39.820 radiallahu anha,

00:38:41.420 she was a strong feminine woman.

00:38:46.240 That is what she was.

00:38:47.640 Just like the Prophet 0.96

00:38:48.500 sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

00:38:48.780 was a strong masculine man,

00:38:50.700 right?

00:38:51.160 Now,

00:38:51.900 this,

00:38:52.480 I remember when I wrote

00:38:53.900 From My Sister's Lips,

00:38:54.800 I talk about the Stepford Wife,

00:38:56.540 you know,

00:38:57.280 narrative,

00:38:58.020 right?

00:38:58.500 And this idea that,

00:38:59.460 you know,

00:38:59.620 to be a woman is to be weak 1.00

00:39:01.020 and to be a man is to be strong.

00:39:02.280 No.

00:39:02.900 Both men and women

00:39:03.680 can be weak and strong,

00:39:05.020 but our strength

00:39:06.160 is exhibited differently,

00:39:07.940 right?

00:39:08.440 And Allah subhanahu alayhi wa ta'ala

00:39:09.580 made us like that.

00:39:10.340 So sisters,

00:39:11.700 understand this.

00:39:12.920 The more you lean into

00:39:14.560 your masculine traits,

00:39:16.600 the harder it will be

00:39:18.300 for you to attract

00:39:19.400 and bond with

00:39:21.020 a masculine man

00:39:22.340 because a masculine man

00:39:23.520 does not want

00:39:24.240 another masculine

00:39:25.160 in his life.

00:39:26.260 He wants the polarity.

00:39:27.480 He needs the polarity.

00:39:28.960 He needs the feminine. 1.00

00:39:30.680 Same with her.

00:39:31.320 She wouldn't want someone 0.97

00:39:32.900 that's,

00:39:33.300 imagine your husband

00:39:34.720 comes home

00:39:35.320 with heels

00:39:36.060 and lipstick on.

00:39:38.080 What are you going to say?

00:39:39.300 Look,

00:39:39.740 that's how we see it.

00:39:40.580 I'll be honest,

00:39:40.880 when you see a masculine woman, 0.58

00:39:42.840 that's how we see it.

00:39:43.700 It's as good as you've seen

00:39:44.400 your husband

00:39:44.880 dressed up in heels

00:39:46.240 and wearing lipstick

00:39:47.260 and got long hair

00:39:49.080 or something like that,

00:39:49.740 yeah?

00:39:50.200 So you'll be like,

00:39:51.740 that's how we feel.

00:39:54.020 Yeah,

00:39:54.240 yeah,

00:39:54.440 exactly.

00:39:54.740 So this is not,

00:39:55.940 again,

00:39:56.140 about feminism,

00:39:57.000 red pill,

00:39:57.380 anything.

00:39:57.940 This is literally

00:39:58.800 what is the blueprint

00:40:00.220 that our deen gives us.

00:40:01.960 And if you look at Khadija

00:40:02.960 radiallahu anha,

00:40:03.940 again,

00:40:04.740 she's been,

00:40:05.400 her story has been used

00:40:07.400 to further

00:40:08.440 a feminist

00:40:09.440 boss babe narrative

00:40:10.560 and it's disingenuous.

00:40:12.540 It is not correct,

00:40:13.880 okay?

00:40:14.700 And the parts

00:40:15.860 that people are ignoring,

00:40:17.580 people are ignoring

00:40:18.380 those parts

00:40:18.940 because they are not

00:40:20.060 comfortable

00:40:20.600 with the feminine role. 1.00

00:40:21.760 They are not comfortable

00:40:23.700 and grateful for

00:40:25.240 and satisfied

00:40:26.020 with the feminine role 0.91

00:40:27.600 which is that of support,

00:40:29.300 of helpmate,

00:40:30.320 of mother,

00:40:31.100 of wife,

00:40:31.840 of rock

00:40:32.480 when he needs it,

00:40:33.860 okay?

00:40:34.480 You know,

00:40:34.820 all of those things

00:40:35.820 that we know

00:40:36.700 that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala 1.00

00:40:37.520 tells us,

00:40:38.220 you know,

00:40:38.440 this is the best of wives, 1.00

00:40:40.680 okay?

00:40:41.380 All of those hadith

00:40:42.520 that talk about,

00:40:43.960 you know,

00:40:44.300 how the man should be

00:40:45.220 with his wife,

00:40:46.660 if you want a man

00:40:48.060 who's like that,

00:40:48.920 then you have to be

00:40:49.780 the woman that is described

00:40:50.860 in the Quran

00:40:51.440 and hadith,

00:40:52.380 you know?

00:40:52.780 You can't come with

00:40:53.880 your boss babe energy

00:40:55.320 and your modern girl

00:40:56.460 sensibilities

00:40:57.140 and your feminist, 1.00

00:40:58.520 your feminist brainwashing 1.00

00:41:00.480 and expect somebody 0.99

00:41:01.660 to come and be

00:41:02.320 all sunnah with you,

00:41:03.260 like,

00:41:03.460 it's not going to happen,

00:41:04.300 it's not going to work.

00:41:05.440 It's not going to work.

00:41:06.020 And I just want to say as well,

00:41:06.940 I just want to say this point

00:41:08.280 because it is really important,

00:41:10.300 if there are any older

00:41:11.400 people listening,

00:41:13.740 be careful

00:41:14.360 of how you're raising

00:41:16.200 your sons and daughters

00:41:17.780 because what's happening,

00:41:19.800 it's like the pendulum

00:41:20.820 has swung,

00:41:21.680 right?

00:41:22.020 There was a time

00:41:23.000 when girls were,

00:41:24.740 you know,

00:41:24.920 had to serve everybody

00:41:26.120 and their education

00:41:27.240 wasn't important

00:41:28.040 and they were always

00:41:29.380 being told wives,

00:41:30.320 mothers,

00:41:30.620 wives,

00:41:30.840 mothers,

00:41:31.100 get married,

00:41:31.440 get married,

00:41:31.820 right?

00:41:32.240 So then from that,

00:41:33.940 the pendulum swung

00:41:34.760 the other way.

00:41:35.400 So now the girls 0.97

00:41:36.800 are being pushed

00:41:37.460 to get educated,

00:41:38.460 to get into great careers

00:41:40.240 and to do really well

00:41:41.300 for themselves

00:41:41.660 and they're doing it,

00:41:42.540 mashallah,

00:41:42.980 right?

00:41:43.580 What's happening

00:41:44.200 as a result,

00:41:45.480 the girls are outperforming

00:41:46.560 the boys,

00:41:47.680 the girls are overqualified

00:41:49.940 for the boys that are there

00:41:51.160 and the boys are underqualified,

00:41:52.740 right?

00:41:53.240 The girls are full of confidence,

00:41:54.780 the boys have no confidence

00:41:56.040 and the girls are masculine

00:41:57.320 as anything,

00:42:00.540 right?

00:42:00.940 And they're hoping

00:42:02.060 that someone's going to come

00:42:03.060 and know you have to

00:42:03.620 match my energy,

00:42:04.860 you know,

00:42:05.020 you have to match,

00:42:05.940 you have to match me,

00:42:06.940 you have to be at my level,

00:42:08.480 girl! 0.97

00:42:10.300 Your parents,

00:42:11.560 you parents out there,

00:42:12.800 be careful.

00:42:13.740 When you're raising

00:42:14.460 these sassy daughters, 0.99

00:42:16.000 you're creating a headache,

00:42:17.400 not just for them

00:42:18.280 in their future,

00:42:18.880 but also any man

00:42:19.860 that wants to become

00:42:20.640 close to her

00:42:21.280 and if you're raising

00:42:22.380 your sons

00:42:23.100 and you're kind of

00:42:24.500 diminishing their role

00:42:25.820 in the family,

00:42:26.940 diminishing their responsibilities,

00:42:28.920 diminishing their

00:42:29.740 mahram duties,

00:42:30.860 for example,

00:42:31.540 right?

00:42:32.140 Diminishing their say

00:42:33.280 in the household,

00:42:34.340 all you're doing

00:42:34.860 is emasculating him.

00:42:36.260 So now you've got

00:42:36.820 a masculine daughter 0.81

00:42:37.760 and a feminized son 0.52

00:42:39.080 and now you wonder

00:42:40.240 why no one's getting married

00:42:41.300 and there's no grandchildren

00:42:42.220 and like the whole thing

00:42:43.220 is messed up.

00:42:44.220 There is a lack of tawakul.

00:42:46.380 All these issues,

00:42:47.440 all of these issues,

00:42:48.300 this is why

00:42:48.780 I'm launching the app

00:42:51.040 because they all

00:42:52.380 go back to Tawheed. 0.99

00:42:54.000 They all go back to Tawheed. 1.00

00:42:55.180 Everything that we have

00:42:56.060 in our,

00:42:56.360 in this,

00:42:57.000 the problems that we have,

00:42:57.960 they all go back to Tawheed.

00:42:58.980 Everything,

00:42:59.420 you can mention

00:42:59.880 whatever you like to me,

00:43:01.080 I'll connect it back

00:43:01.660 to lack of Tawheed.

00:43:02.540 It's a lack of tawakul.

00:43:03.340 That's why these parents

00:43:03.960 are saying,

00:43:04.780 go get education,

00:43:06.360 do your degree

00:43:06.880 so if that husband

00:43:07.720 that you marry,

00:43:08.140 they're already preparing

00:43:08.740 them for divorce. 0.89

00:43:09.620 Once you get divorced,

00:43:10.800 look at this,

00:43:11.800 while it's as if

00:43:12.640 there is zero tawakul.

00:43:13.740 Now this doesn't mean,

00:43:14.780 of course,

00:43:15.420 you might marry someone

00:43:16.280 who might be evil,

00:43:17.080 whatever it may be.

00:43:17.880 Tie your camel.

00:43:18.820 Forget,

00:43:19.200 we've gone past

00:43:19.800 the tire camel.

00:43:20.660 You've broke your camel's back.

00:43:22.560 Forget back,

00:43:22.980 your camel is strangled. 0.97

00:43:23.900 It's death.

00:43:24.360 It's that,

00:43:24.640 it's that.

00:43:24.980 You're like,

00:43:25.400 oh,

00:43:25.560 it's not going to go anywhere.

00:43:26.360 Of course it's not going to.

00:43:26.820 It's dead now.

00:43:27.260 It's not going to go anywhere,

00:43:27.840 100%.

00:43:28.260 Because there is no

00:43:29.180 put your trust in Allah,

00:43:30.760 it's tie your camel. 0.99

00:43:31.980 And they've tied it

00:43:32.680 to such a degree

00:43:33.400 that camel is dead now.

00:43:35.100 It's dead,

00:43:35.380 it's not grieving.

00:43:36.080 And you're like,

00:43:36.680 now I put my trust in Allah.

00:43:37.920 Yeah, brother,

00:43:38.280 now your camel is dead,

00:43:38.980 by the way.

00:43:39.580 So the point is,

00:43:40.560 there is no tawakul.

00:43:41.540 Dead in the water.

00:43:42.420 Exactly.

00:43:43.000 And the thing is here,

00:43:44.580 and this is the truth.

00:43:45.800 Now,

00:43:46.540 is it haram for a woman to study? 0.99

00:43:47.760 No.

00:43:48.460 But,

00:43:48.780 one thing that needs to be clear,

00:43:50.340 this is within a woman's nature. 1.00

00:43:51.620 They're hypergamous by nature.

00:43:52.960 If a woman is a doctor, 1.00

00:43:55.220 she is not going to marry

00:43:56.360 an Uber driver.

00:43:57.320 I mean,

00:43:57.440 I used to be an Uber driver.

00:43:58.580 I don't,

00:43:59.340 I don't even remember having,

00:44:00.440 you know,

00:44:01.060 my procedure of marriage.

00:44:01.920 I don't ever think

00:44:02.920 I met a doctor.

00:44:04.360 Yeah.

00:44:04.620 So the thing is here,

00:44:05.680 is that they want someone

00:44:06.780 that is,

00:44:07.640 someone that is above them,

00:44:09.820 or like to the same degree.

00:44:11.300 So,

00:44:11.800 this shows that

00:44:12.700 at the end of the day,

00:44:14.200 they're getting older,

00:44:15.380 in the sense where

00:44:16.100 they're leaving,

00:44:16.540 they're doing their career first,

00:44:18.500 and then they're reaching their 30s.

00:44:19.960 It's such,

00:44:20.380 Allah is such a prop of shaitan. 0.95

00:44:22.300 If you're clever,

00:44:23.200 you would have,

00:44:23.920 marry young,

00:44:25.140 get your kids,

00:44:26.240 when they reach the age of 10,

00:44:27.240 12 in their teens,

00:44:28.500 then go back to work.

00:44:30.260 They do it the opposite way around,

00:44:32.600 and when it's like 30s,

00:44:33.980 alarm bells,

00:44:34.540 oh my gosh,

00:44:34.920 I need to get married,

00:44:35.360 I'm getting old.

00:44:36.520 Well,

00:44:37.060 hello,

00:44:37.580 duh.

00:44:38.060 It's like,

00:44:38.480 as if any time,

00:44:39.700 we do things against the sunnah,

00:44:41.120 we always suffer,

00:44:42.380 and we need to understand,

00:44:43.240 the more educated you are,

00:44:45.200 the less,

00:44:45.840 this is,

00:44:46.340 by your nature,

00:44:47.640 by your nature as a woman,

00:44:48.720 which it goes back to what you said,

00:44:49.960 in the beginning,

00:44:50.400 that it's the woman that should kind of,

00:44:53.100 not cater to men,

00:44:54.940 but I understand that psychology,

00:44:57.500 you know,

00:44:57.800 because at the end of the day,

00:44:59.140 if you run after a woman,

00:45:00.560 because,

00:45:01.300 within a nature,

00:45:01.820 because 90% of the time,

00:45:03.040 or 80% of the time,

00:45:03.780 they are initiating divorce,

00:45:05.500 a man,

00:45:06.540 a man is not initiating divorce,

00:45:08.120 which means men must be in the marriages. 0.96

00:45:10.040 Yeah,

00:45:11.740 I want to say,

00:45:12.300 I want to say this,

00:45:13.160 to this point,

00:45:15.140 for me,

00:45:17.000 you know,

00:45:17.200 again,

00:45:17.420 going back to that initial video,

00:45:18.920 that we watched,

00:45:20.020 I firmly believe,

00:45:22.020 that a woman, 0.99

00:45:23.660 shows up best,

00:45:25.680 and in her most beautiful feminine,

00:45:28.280 when she's with a man,

00:45:29.540 that she feels grateful for,

00:45:31.140 right,

00:45:31.360 that she is happy,

00:45:32.880 to be with,

00:45:33.880 he is like,

00:45:34.880 the best thing out there,

00:45:35.920 right,

00:45:36.340 that's it for me,

00:45:37.360 okay,

00:45:38.100 and,

00:45:39.260 and that's why,

00:45:40.900 if you are not,

00:45:42.280 if she doesn't see you like that,

00:45:43.760 if she doesn't see you,

00:45:45.880 she's not,

00:45:46.580 she's not a good candidate, 1.00

00:45:47.720 because,

00:45:48.500 literally,

00:45:49.320 she,

00:45:49.980 she could take you, 0.61

00:45:50.900 or leave you basically,

00:45:51.880 like,

00:45:52.160 okay,

00:45:52.600 fine,

00:45:52.920 whatever,

00:45:53.300 and in that kind of situation,

00:45:55.200 a woman does not, 0.99

00:45:56.460 she doesn't have the same,

00:45:57.700 sense of loyalty,

00:45:58.640 and devotion,

00:45:59.900 and,

00:45:59.980 and kind of,

00:46:00.940 this is my man,

00:46:02.000 like,

00:46:02.400 this isn't mine,

00:46:03.140 and you know,

00:46:03.500 I'm,

00:46:03.680 I'm in this for life,

00:46:05.200 right,

00:46:05.800 and that's a problem,

00:46:07.020 that's a problem for us,

00:46:08.020 how we show up,

00:46:08.700 and it's also a problem for our husbands, 0.97

00:46:09.760 but,

00:46:10.780 going back to,

00:46:11.780 you know,

00:46:12.280 to the whole marriage thing,

00:46:13.440 I had a really wonderful conversation,

00:46:14.840 with some,

00:46:15.480 some young sisters,

00:46:16.940 my friend's daughters actually,

00:46:18.600 and they had come to a marriage event,

00:46:20.620 and they were,

00:46:21.120 not event,

00:46:21.620 but like a talk about marriage,

00:46:23.000 and you know,

00:46:23.360 they sat me down,

00:46:24.000 and they said,

00:46:24.460 look,

00:46:25.260 at the moment,

00:46:26.040 I'm really happy,

00:46:27.340 you know,

00:46:27.580 I finished my,

00:46:28.600 my A-levels,

00:46:29.460 I did my degree,

00:46:30.420 I've got a great job,

00:46:31.720 I live at home,

00:46:32.860 I've got wonderful friends,

00:46:34.500 you know,

00:46:34.700 I'm traveling,

00:46:35.540 like,

00:46:35.680 my life is really good right now,

00:46:37.560 why should I want to get married,

00:46:39.540 and again,

00:46:40.440 this is the,

00:46:41.100 this is the trap of the dunya,

00:46:43.080 to be honest,

00:46:43.680 right,

00:46:44.220 because the,

00:46:44.780 the better things are,

00:46:46.540 it's,

00:46:46.660 what is that,

00:46:47.080 that,

00:46:47.240 that,

00:46:47.540 that quote that they say,

00:46:49.100 that hard times create strong men,

00:46:51.680 and strong men create easy times,

00:46:53.920 good times,

00:46:54.220 time create,

00:46:55.100 men,

00:46:55.420 weak men create, 0.95

00:46:56.160 you know, 0.72

00:46:56.400 all of that,

00:46:56.860 yeah,

00:46:57.020 something like that,

00:46:59.400 and I think,

00:47:00.080 I think the same is with women, 0.94

00:47:01.520 right,

00:47:02.100 is,

00:47:02.520 you know,

00:47:02.760 if,

00:47:03.500 you know,

00:47:04.240 being paired,

00:47:05.660 pairing with somebody,

00:47:07.340 and starting your own home,

00:47:09.120 is,

00:47:09.400 is,

00:47:09.700 is almost on the level of survival for you,

00:47:12.500 your attitude towards it,

00:47:13.600 is going to be completely different,

00:47:14.660 but now,

00:47:15.680 we're in a situation where,

00:47:17.040 well,

00:47:17.140 I could take it,

00:47:17.680 or leave it,

00:47:18.480 and all I said to these young ladies was,

00:47:20.420 and I'll say this to the audience as well,

00:47:22.160 just take it from me,

00:47:23.400 I'm in my 40s now,

00:47:24.400 alhamdulillah,

00:47:24.800 my eldest is 23,

00:47:26.040 mashallah,

00:47:26.620 you know,

00:47:26.840 we always talking about marriage,

00:47:28.700 and all of this type of thing,

00:47:29.620 because that's what's on the horizon for them,

00:47:31.500 bi-idhnillah,

00:47:32.780 but what I said to them is,

00:47:34.980 you have invested already several years in your education,

00:47:38.580 if you'd invest the next five to ten years in your career,

00:47:43.040 all you'll have at the end of these 15,

00:47:46.020 sort of 10,

00:47:46.560 15 years,

00:47:47.780 is maybe a house,

00:47:49.560 okay,

00:47:49.900 maybe money in the bank,

00:47:51.680 loads of memories,

00:47:53.500 a great Instagram feed,

00:47:55.720 and that's it,

00:47:57.560 that's it,

00:47:58.520 this is not an investment in your future,

00:48:01.900 because right now,

00:48:03.400 mashallah,

00:48:03.740 you've got your degree,

00:48:04.660 right,

00:48:04.840 you're confident in yourself,

00:48:06.500 alhamdulillah,

00:48:06.880 like you're at that stage,

00:48:07.940 you're an adult,

00:48:08.880 you're able to take responsibility,

00:48:10.200 et cetera,

00:48:10.720 if you invested the next 10 to 15 years of your life in a family,

00:48:16.060 that is a true investment,

00:48:18.880 because you're pairing with somebody,

00:48:21.440 you're going to create your own home,

00:48:23.120 inshallah,

00:48:23.580 you're going to have children,

00:48:24.380 while you're nice and young and fresh and full of energy,

00:48:28.360 and those children are your investment,

00:48:31.380 that's your future,

00:48:32.500 and I know some people get triggered,

00:48:33.640 oh,

00:48:33.840 kids are not an investment,

00:48:34.520 no,

00:48:34.640 they are,

00:48:35.280 they are,

00:48:36.040 that's how Allah created us,

00:48:37.840 yeah,

00:48:38.000 stop all this nonsense about,

00:48:39.760 you know,

00:48:39.980 children are not going to,

00:48:40.780 no,

00:48:41.140 they are,

00:48:41.580 that's your line,

00:48:43.620 that's your lineage,

00:48:44.980 right,

00:48:45.480 that's,

00:48:46.140 you know,

00:48:46.480 essentially,

00:48:47.540 your reason for living,

00:48:49.140 your reason for being a couple,

00:48:51.180 for being a family,

00:48:52.120 is the next generation,

00:48:53.500 it's not about you anymore,

00:48:54.940 it's not just about you as an individual,

00:48:57.240 and how you feel,

00:48:58.200 it's like,

00:48:58.620 you know what,

00:48:59.520 you and me,

00:49:00.860 Suleiman,

00:49:01.700 whatever his name is,

00:49:03.160 Allah has given us this amanah,

00:49:05.520 he's blessed us with this,

00:49:06.840 this amazing amanah,

00:49:09.260 this massive job,

00:49:11.580 of raising the next generation of Muslims, 0.93

00:49:13.760 let's do our best with this,

00:49:15.500 let us,

00:49:16.780 let's tire ourselves out,

00:49:18.980 for this purpose,

00:49:20.200 this is real,

00:49:21.120 this is legacy,

00:49:21.880 this is sadaqa jariya,

00:49:22.920 right,

00:49:23.440 so I said to her,

00:49:24.980 you can't have it both ways,

00:49:28.960 you can't,

00:49:29.960 and I will say this to young women,

00:49:31.540 again and again and again,

00:49:33.500 you cannot have it all,

00:49:35.960 so you can either,

00:49:37.460 spend from 18 to 28,

00:49:39.860 good 10 years,

00:49:40.660 investing in your career,

00:49:42.680 and your personal development,

00:49:44.160 and your professional development,

00:49:45.380 and your financial status,

00:49:46.600 and all of that,

00:49:47.640 and at the end of that,

00:49:48.740 28 or 35,

00:49:50.060 wherever you are,

00:49:51.300 may or may not find,

00:49:54.100 the right man for you,

00:49:55.680 and be able to have a family,

00:49:57.160 because that is the risk that you run,

00:49:58.880 and it's a very real risk,

00:50:00.160 right,

00:50:00.320 this is what Jordan Peterson talked about,

00:50:02.400 when he talked about,

00:50:03.880 you know,

00:50:04.260 this generation of women,

00:50:05.860 that are going to be,

00:50:06.680 unmarried and childless,

00:50:08.080 right,

00:50:08.820 when you're in your 20s,

00:50:10.140 it's all fun and games,

00:50:11.840 right,

00:50:12.200 exactly,

00:50:12.960 it's traveling,

00:50:14.300 it's traveling,

00:50:15.260 it's,

00:50:15.620 you know,

00:50:15.780 not having that much responsibility,

00:50:17.260 because maybe you're still living at home,

00:50:18.700 you know,

00:50:19.000 it's buying bags and shoes,

00:50:20.620 and all of this stuff,

00:50:21.720 it's not so pretty,

00:50:23.060 when you get to your 30s,

00:50:24.420 and it's even worse,

00:50:25.340 when you get to your 40s,

00:50:26.420 so don't let,

00:50:27.980 you know,

00:50:28.680 social media,

00:50:29.600 or advertising,

00:50:30.340 or films lie to you,

00:50:32.060 and tell you that,

00:50:33.440 you can live that single girl life, 0.99

00:50:35.460 and have an amazing time,

00:50:36.640 and then still get the guy at the end,

00:50:38.960 still get the family that you may want,

00:50:41.300 at the end of it, 0.98

00:50:42.420 you're better off taking your life, 0.80

00:50:44.960 and yourself seriously,

00:50:46.820 if you want to be married,

00:50:48.400 if you want to have a family,

00:50:50.040 that should be one of your life goals,

00:50:52.160 don't be ashamed of that,

00:50:53.680 because girls nowadays, 1.00

00:50:54.700 and people in general nowadays,

00:50:56.420 I've heard people say,

00:50:57.480 getting married is not,

00:50:58.380 like being married is not a flex,

00:51:00.500 like it's not an accomplishment,

00:51:01.800 to be married,

00:51:02.640 and I was like,

00:51:03.380 really?

00:51:04.980 Well,

00:51:05.440 how come?

00:51:06.280 What do you mean?

00:51:06.880 And the reason they say that is,

00:51:08.520 because there are people,

00:51:09.300 who haven't managed to do it,

00:51:10.900 so sisters who haven't managed, 0.96

00:51:12.460 to get married,

00:51:13.040 if you say marriage is an accomplishment,

00:51:14.360 then you're making them feel bad,

00:51:15.580 because they didn't manage,

00:51:16.520 to get married,

00:51:17.300 it's like,

00:51:17.560 yeah,

00:51:17.720 but that's,

00:51:18.580 that's,

00:51:19.180 Qadr of Allah firstly,

00:51:20.640 but it is a fail,

00:51:22.240 right?

00:51:23.120 It is what it is,

00:51:24.480 right?

00:51:24.700 If you wanted to have children,

00:51:25.960 and you were not able to have children,

00:51:27.520 then you did not achieve,

00:51:28.940 your objective,

00:51:30.100 Qadr of Allah,

00:51:30.840 but you didn't achieve it,

00:51:31.780 that's a fact,

00:51:32.420 and you have to deal with that,

00:51:33.640 but my point is this,

00:51:36.200 wanting to be married,

00:51:37.320 and you know,

00:51:37.820 you have to ask yourself,

00:51:38.820 right?

00:51:39.040 Do I want to be married?

00:51:40.060 Do I want to have children?

00:51:40.980 If you do,

00:51:42.140 don't put,

00:51:43.240 all your other aspirations first,

00:51:45.820 and expect there to be marriage,

00:51:47.260 at the end of the rainbow,

00:51:48.720 you need to be working,

00:51:50.440 towards being,

00:51:51.660 someone's wife, 0.98

00:51:52.680 being wife material,

00:51:53.720 you know,

00:51:54.480 being a mother one day,

00:51:56.040 at the same rate,

00:51:57.120 that you're working,

00:51:57.760 towards your bachelor's,

00:51:59.460 your master's,

00:52:00.400 your first 10k,

00:52:01.700 on Instagram,

00:52:02.460 which out of whatever it is,

00:52:03.480 yeah,

00:52:04.300 it needs to be part,

00:52:05.460 of your consciousness,

00:52:06.060 because otherwise,

00:52:07.100 it's going to be left,

00:52:08.380 to chance,

00:52:09.660 it's going to be left,

00:52:10.460 right to the end,

00:52:11.260 and it may or may not happen for you,

00:52:13.340 and for some people,

00:52:14.140 they're cool with that,

00:52:15.200 but a lot of people,

00:52:16.200 are not cool with that,

00:52:17.700 and they don't know,

00:52:18.800 how to articulate that,

00:52:19.860 I had a sister,

00:52:20.440 who messaged me,

00:52:21.020 sorry I'm going on,

00:52:21.800 a little bit here,

00:52:22.280 oh no please,

00:52:23.080 no please,

00:52:23.500 but I had a sister,

00:52:24.440 who messaged me,

00:52:25.040 subhanallah,

00:52:25.660 you know,

00:52:25.900 and she had reached her 40s,

00:52:27.820 never married,

00:52:28.660 no children,

00:52:29.320 and now she wants a husband, 0.99

00:52:31.060 and she doesn't just want,

00:52:32.260 a husband for companionship,

00:52:33.800 and she doesn't want,

00:52:34.340 to be a second wife,

00:52:35.260 she wants a family, 1.00

00:52:36.880 she wants children, 1.00

00:52:38.560 and my heart broke for her,

00:52:40.380 because I was like,

00:52:41.280 sis,

00:52:41.840 like you know,

00:52:43.120 most men,

00:52:44.020 when they reach that stage,

00:52:45.340 or if they're interested,

00:52:46.480 in a woman of that age,

00:52:47.500 they're not looking,

00:52:48.140 to have a family,

00:52:49.380 they may have had a family already,

00:52:51.220 maybe they're divorced,

00:52:52.060 and they don't want to have,

00:52:52.900 young kids again,

00:52:53.880 and the thing is,

00:52:54.620 when we dug a little bit deeper,

00:52:57.280 she said,

00:52:58.640 I hated men for a long time,

00:53:01.680 and I allowed,

00:53:03.000 the marriages that I saw,

00:53:04.460 around me,

00:53:05.680 to make me,

00:53:07.380 kind of shut off,

00:53:09.220 from men that did approach me,

00:53:10.920 and that proposals that came,

00:53:12.600 so I put it off,

00:53:13.700 and put it off,

00:53:14.460 and put it off,

00:53:15.360 until now,

00:53:16.240 here I am,

00:53:17.360 at 40,

00:53:18.120 and I don't know,

00:53:18.920 whether it's going to happen for me,

00:53:20.620 that is a very,

00:53:21.840 very sad place,

00:53:23.020 to find yourself,

00:53:24.360 and if people are not,

00:53:26.000 are not thinking,

00:53:26.900 and are not careful,

00:53:27.920 they could find themselves,

00:53:29.660 in that place,

00:53:30.820 and really,

00:53:31.440 there's not much,

00:53:32.100 that anyone can say to them,

00:53:33.260 at that point,

00:53:33.900 because guess what,

00:53:35.400 it doesn't look so cool anymore,

00:53:36.820 it doesn't feel so great anymore,

00:53:38.560 and they try and lie,

00:53:40.460 and say,

00:53:41.040 yeah,

00:53:41.300 you're going to be the rich auntie,

00:53:42.940 you know,

00:53:43.840 you're going to be the rich auntie, 1.00

00:53:44.660 die alone, 1.00

00:53:45.600 with your riches, 0.99

00:53:46.440 and your home,

00:53:47.080 all of this superficial, 1.00

00:53:48.580 materialistic garbage, 0.98

00:53:49.980 human beings need connection, 0.98

00:53:51.560 exactly,

00:53:53.560 may Allah bless you,

00:53:54.640 we'll end all that,

00:53:55.680 human beings need connection,

00:53:56.860 right,

00:53:57.300 human beings,

00:53:58.300 we're not,

00:53:59.240 you know,

00:54:00.840 yeah,

00:54:01.180 anyway,

00:54:02.120 exactly,

00:54:02.720 I think the line is funny,

00:54:04.900 no,

00:54:05.140 no,

00:54:05.340 mashallah,

00:54:05.680 may Allah bless you,

00:54:06.560 inshallah,

00:54:06.720 we'll definitely have you,

00:54:07.360 on the bitter truth show,

00:54:08.160 because there's so much,

00:54:09.620 a lot of people need to hear this,

00:54:11.420 and that's the reality,

00:54:12.780 you know,

00:54:13.000 if there's sisters watching this, 1.00

00:54:14.060 and brothers as well,

00:54:14.640 we spoke about that as well,

00:54:15.900 but you need to understand,

00:54:16.600 it's a delusion,

00:54:17.260 you know,

00:54:17.560 to be in,

00:54:18.880 like,

00:54:19.280 because,

00:54:20.040 it's like you're just in a delusion,

00:54:21.020 where you're young,

00:54:22.340 men are approaching you,

00:54:23.400 you think that's going to last forever,

00:54:24.780 this is what the biggest issue is,

00:54:26.400 that a lot of sisters are realizing,

00:54:28.580 that when the time is over,

00:54:31.040 and they start panicking,

00:54:32.780 and you should have prepared for that day before,

00:54:34.640 like we said before,

00:54:35.400 Allah has created, 0.75

00:54:36.880 women in that manner, 1.00

00:54:37.940 you know,

00:54:38.240 biologically,

00:54:39.420 the time runs out faster,

00:54:40.880 subhanallah,

00:54:41.640 for a man,

00:54:42.100 he gets more established towards 30,

00:54:43.520 so sisters,

00:54:44.620 yes,

00:54:44.960 you can do your career,

00:54:45.740 okay,

00:54:45.980 do a degree,

00:54:46.480 where you finish by 23,

00:54:47.420 whatever it may be,

00:54:48.500 but seek marriage at an early age,

00:54:50.860 find a good husband,

00:54:51.880 somebody who is good,

00:54:52.760 inshallah,

00:54:53.560 and invest in that,

00:54:54.520 wallahi,

00:54:55.040 let me tell you something,

00:54:56.720 having kids,

00:54:57.840 having,

00:54:58.360 inshallah,

00:54:58.760 you have a good husband,

00:55:00.060 but having kids,

00:55:00.700 there is nothing on this earth,

00:55:02.060 that would ever replace that,

00:55:03.420 and believe me,

00:55:04.140 once you have your kids,

00:55:05.000 you know what you will say,

00:55:06.180 you will say,

00:55:07.100 I don't know how life was without them,

00:55:09.280 it was such a boring life,

00:55:10.140 I mean,

00:55:10.440 how was life without my kids,

00:55:11.760 oh my,

00:55:11.960 what boy,

00:55:12.460 what degree,

00:55:13.900 this bad girl, 0.98

00:55:14.920 that black girl, 1.00

00:55:15.920 it's wallahi, 0.61

00:55:16.600 let me tell you something,

00:55:17.160 trust me,

00:55:18.000 you know,

00:55:18.340 like,

00:55:18.780 my wife is a teacher,

00:55:20.200 you know,

00:55:20.500 she's a teacher,

00:55:21.840 and the same thing,

00:55:23.580 like,

00:55:23.800 I look at her now,

00:55:25.020 and wallahi,

00:55:25.400 I'll be honest with her,

00:55:26.080 like,

00:55:26.220 she's so happy,

00:55:27.340 she's,

00:55:28.000 I've never heard her once saying,

00:55:29.220 like,

00:55:29.640 for example,

00:55:30.480 yeah,

00:55:30.720 after this,

00:55:31.220 or I'm going to,

00:55:31.680 you know,

00:55:32.140 teach,

00:55:32.500 she doesn't need to mention it,

00:55:33.380 whatever you have discussion,

00:55:34.060 and there's nothing,

00:55:34.960 she wants to do it,

00:55:35.700 like,

00:55:36.220 part time,

00:55:36.720 as long as it doesn't get in the way,

00:55:37.640 of certain stuff,

00:55:38.600 it's fine,

00:55:39.080 but wallahi,

00:55:39.640 I just see her,

00:55:40.340 she loves it,

00:55:41.640 just seeing my,

00:55:42.620 just seeing her feeding our daughter,

00:55:45.580 it's as if like,

00:55:46.400 they're giving the whole dunya to her,

00:55:47.760 she's like,

00:55:47.960 yeah,

00:55:48.020 I just love it when she's hungry,

00:55:49.220 I mean,

00:55:49.460 when she's,

00:55:49.720 yeah,

00:55:49.960 it might sound crazy,

00:55:54.240 but even when she goes,

00:55:54.860 yeah,

00:55:55.240 when my mother,

00:55:56.040 obviously,

00:55:56.360 you know,

00:55:56.820 when she poops, 0.91

00:55:57.860 yeah,

00:55:58.280 like,

00:55:58.540 even if she's like,

00:55:59.220 it's for a woman, 0.72

00:55:59.920 looking for a mother,

00:56:00.900 it's like,

00:56:01.540 oh,

00:56:01.740 her bow's working,

00:56:02.420 I'm thinking,

00:56:02.880 wow, 0.92

00:56:03.080 it stinks, 0.88

00:56:03.480 to me,

00:56:03.900 it's like,

00:56:04.220 yeah,

00:56:04.640 to her,

00:56:05.000 to her,

00:56:05.380 it's like,

00:56:05.840 alhamdulillah,

00:56:06.560 like,

00:56:06.720 it's like,

00:56:07.080 it's like somebody's giving her gold on a plate,

00:56:08.900 I'm like,

00:56:09.180 I'm running away,

00:56:09.840 like,

00:56:10.000 I'm like,

00:56:10.180 no,

00:56:10.280 I can't do that,

00:56:10.780 that nappy,

00:56:11.240 I can't do,

00:56:11.680 I'm so sorry,

00:56:12.460 the number one,

00:56:13.420 I can't,

00:56:13.620 number two,

00:56:14.000 that's all about you,

00:56:14.760 yeah,

00:56:15.160 but I'm seeing as a mother,

00:56:16.940 I'm thinking,

00:56:17.440 how is she so,

00:56:18.240 like,

00:56:18.620 I'm seeing her changing the nappy,

00:56:19.500 she's got a smile on her face,

00:56:20.320 I'm thinking,

00:56:20.620 how do you do that,

00:56:21.260 like,

00:56:21.640 the smell,

00:56:22.460 she's like,

00:56:22.760 nice,

00:56:23.080 it's beautiful,

00:56:24.000 so I'm like,

00:56:24.740 wow,

00:56:25.580 that's,

00:56:25.920 to me,

00:56:26.180 I don't understand that,

00:56:27.360 Allah has created her with such rahmah mercy, 0.99

00:56:29.720 that when I smell,

00:56:31.060 before I open the nappy,

00:56:31.860 I'm leaving the room,

00:56:32.440 I'm like,

00:56:32.640 yeah,

00:56:32.760 that's mashup,

00:56:33.320 yeah,

00:56:33.780 but to her,

00:56:34.840 you're going to get all the comments,

00:56:36.460 and all the smoke now,

00:56:37.740 yeah,

00:56:38.000 all the smoke is going to get out of the females, 1.00

00:56:39.840 how amazing,

00:56:41.300 how amazing,

00:56:42.000 subhanAllah,

00:56:42.880 and that's it guys,

00:56:43.960 inshallah,

00:56:44.200 if you would like to see more reaction videos,

00:56:46.000 myself and sister Naima,

00:56:47.500 please let us know,

00:56:48.140 just send us videos,

00:56:48.760 we can do that,

00:56:49.540 but we are going to have her,

00:56:50.560 on the Bitter Trip show,

00:56:51.440 inshallah,

00:56:51.720 we're starting the refilming,

00:56:53.420 around,

00:56:54.220 end of June,

00:56:55.540 or July,

00:56:56.100 or maybe around August,

00:56:56.900 inshallah,

00:56:57.680 we will have sister Naima,

00:56:58.720 if there's specific topics,

00:56:59.620 you would like us to cover,

00:57:01.360 on the Bitter Trip show,

00:57:02.580 with sister Naima,

00:57:03.160 please let us know,

00:57:03.740 inshallah,

00:57:04.440 and that's it,

00:57:06.460 sister Naima,

00:57:06.860 was it the book,

00:57:08.140 book coaching,

00:57:09.480 you want to put your story,

00:57:11.220 message,

00:57:11.600 or knowledge,

00:57:12.120 into a book,

00:57:13.220 yes that's it,

00:57:13.800 you want to put your story,

00:57:15.320 message,

00:57:15.700 or knowledge,

00:57:16.280 into a book,

00:57:17.180 and you don't know where to start,

00:57:18.420 and you don't know where to go next,

00:57:19.860 please inshallah,

00:57:20.520 I would love to be your coach,

00:57:21.820 so just click the link,

00:57:22.740 in the description,

00:57:24.020 and get in touch,

00:57:24.800 and let's see,

00:57:25.600 if we can make something happen,

00:57:26.980 inshallah,

00:57:27.960 inshallah,

00:57:28.540 may Allah bless you guys,

00:57:29.440 and sister Naima,

00:57:30.020 thanks for joining,

00:57:30.780 it's very enlightening,

00:57:32.300 thanks,

00:57:33.060 you want to say,

00:57:33.960 may Allah bless you inshallah,

00:57:35.080 sisters and brothers,

00:57:35.920 who are watching at home,

00:57:37.120 as you can see,

00:57:37.600 I started with sisters,

00:57:38.360 not brothers and sisters,

00:57:39.160 I said sisters and brothers,

00:57:40.500 so anyways,

00:57:44.720 till next time,

00:57:45.420 assalamualaikum,

00:57:46.260 wa rahmatullahi,

00:57:47.040 wa barakatuh,

00:57:48.580 wa alaykum as-salam,

00:57:49.440 wa rahmatullahi,

00:57:50.140 wa barakatuh,

00:57:51.220 Islamnet is raising funds,

00:57:53.020 to establish a masjid,

00:57:53.960 and community center,

00:57:54.860 in Norway,

00:57:55.280 and they urgently,

00:57:55.980 need your support,

00:57:57.020 this donation,

00:57:57.720 will be a sadaqa jarih for you,

00:57:58.980 because every person,

00:58:00.240 that comes a step closer,

00:58:01.960 to Allah,

00:58:02.380 through your donation,

00:58:03.320 you will inshallah,

00:58:03.920 be reaping the reward,

00:58:04.660 click the link,

00:58:05.240 and donate what you can,

00:58:06.260 Thank you.

Ali Dawah - August 01, 2023

MEN SHOULDN’T CHASE WOMAN - HERE IS WHY @NaimaBRobertTV

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