Ali Dawah - January 03, 2025


＂MY WIFE NEVER SEEN BY MY FRIENDS＂ - NON MUSLIM REACTS @GettingTherePod


Episode Stats

Length

14 minutes

Words per Minute

235.60426

Word Count

3,411

Sentence Count

332

Misogynist Sentences

23

Hate Speech Sentences

24


Summary

In this episode, we discuss the dangers of pornography in the modern world, and the importance of the hijab in the context of the Quran and the teachings of the Holy Qur and Sunnah. We also discuss the impact pornography can have on a Muslim woman's mental health.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 For example, none of my friends have ever seen my wife.
00:00:02.880 And anytime I go to my friend's house, I have never seen their wife.
00:00:06.280 Ever.
00:00:07.040 What?
00:00:07.680 Ever.
00:00:08.180 That's why in Islam, in the Quran, what does God Almighty say?
00:00:10.980 Tell the believing men to lower their gaze.
00:00:14.460 Don't look.
00:00:15.300 What does that mean?
00:00:15.920 Not look at what?
00:00:16.420 Pornography?
00:00:16.880 No.
00:00:17.480 It's telling you that if I'm walking down the road, I don't care if a woman is dressed up in a bikini.
00:00:21.220 She's wearing a niqab.
00:00:22.500 Niqab is like, you know, the burqa.
00:00:24.180 I don't care what she's wearing.
00:00:25.500 My job is not to look at her.
00:00:27.340 What does that teach young men?
00:00:28.800 Discipline.
00:00:29.480 Discipline.
00:00:29.840 And not only that, do not objectify women.
00:00:32.660 It means that as a man, I have to guard my gaze.
00:00:35.700 Do you get it?
00:00:36.260 And obviously, because, for example, we're having this interview.
00:00:38.200 Obviously, I don't want to be rude and be talking to you like this.
00:00:40.520 You know, some Muslims will say, okay, you know, why?
00:00:42.820 But in the comments, you'll have it.
00:00:44.160 Oh, we're trying to have a discussion where we both can come to a mutual understanding.
00:00:47.220 So by you ignoring me and not participating, which a lot of that is eye contact, it wouldn't be as fruitful.
00:00:56.520 So just before the video starts, I want to make some clarifications.
00:00:59.320 Number one, when I'm talking about nobody's seen my wife and neither have I seen my friend's wife, there's context to this, inshallah.
00:01:04.280 Brothers and sisters, it's a matter of preference.
00:01:06.020 I don't want people to use this and think that this is having gheera, etc.
00:01:09.960 It's personal preferences.
00:01:11.180 In certain circumstances, it's different.
00:01:12.600 It is not haram for my wife in her correct hijab, be in the presence of my wife.
00:01:17.860 It is not haram.
00:01:18.640 It does not make a man a dayuth.
00:01:20.300 So please do not use this and misuse this, inshallah.
00:01:23.060 It varies in the sharia.
00:01:25.700 There is absolutely nothing wrong in certain circumstances, sitting in the same room, correct hijab, and they can be discussed in a topic, whatever it's for that matter.
00:01:32.680 So I just want to make a disclaimer.
00:01:34.300 This is in specific instances because when I've gone there, I haven't gone and said, I would like to see your wife.
00:01:38.820 There is no need the wife to be in my presence or my wife to be in my mate's presence.
00:01:42.820 Just wanted to give a disclaimer.
00:01:44.740 Enjoy the video.
00:01:45.240 It was an amazing podcast.
00:01:46.240 At the end, there is a link for the full podcast with Brogan.
00:01:48.900 By the grace of Allah, the response has been overwhelming to say the very least.
00:02:00.540 Alhamdulillah, we've had social media personalities and respected scholars from many parts of the Muslim world promoting the cause.
00:02:09.560 We have raised almost 1.4 million pounds.
00:02:13.380 Alhamdulillah.
00:02:14.120 And we haven't been sitting ideally waiting to hit our target of 2 million.
00:02:17.660 We have fully purchased four properties in London, transferred their ownership to the waqf.
00:02:25.840 After the help of Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, none of this would be possible without your support.
00:02:30.160 So we thank you once again.
00:02:31.840 This is our update to yourselves.
00:02:33.760 We encourage you to stay tuned for more updates now that the waqf, Alhamdulillah, is truly underway.
00:02:39.520 Another issue is when it comes to pornography.
00:02:42.520 Oh, I've got it written here.
00:02:43.380 Go on, you were touching on it.
00:02:44.480 I think it's the root of all evil.
00:02:45.780 Thank you.
00:02:46.640 If you know what it's doing, do you know it's creating paedophiles?
00:02:50.800 Of course, yes.
00:02:51.580 It's rewiring people's brains.
00:02:53.780 Okay, so this is a question I wrote down there as you were talking.
00:02:56.920 So I'm sure like in any community, there are probably Muslim men that watch.
00:03:01.040 Yeah, it's 100%.
00:03:01.800 How would they redeem themselves for that then?
00:03:04.940 So when it comes to pornography, pornography destroys the soul.
00:03:07.460 I agree.
00:03:08.020 Pornography destroys the soul.
00:03:08.680 And like you said, it is one of the roots of all evil.
00:03:12.060 I mean, people think it's in that instant, Ali.
00:03:14.940 Like, oh, you know, we're just masturbating over that.
00:03:17.140 And that moment was gone.
00:03:18.100 But what it's doing, it's exactly what you said earlier.
00:03:20.400 It's taking the woman from a divine being to object.
00:03:24.660 Yeah.
00:03:25.220 And let me tell you, like anyone, that's not making love.
00:03:28.660 That's not communication.
00:03:29.780 That's not relationship.
00:03:31.100 That's not sex.
00:03:31.940 Yeah.
00:03:32.200 This is just people objectifying people.
00:03:35.780 I am actually doing an episode on it.
00:03:38.000 But for me, I believe it's the root of all evil.
00:03:40.020 And I think, yeah.
00:03:41.180 And actually, I was listening to this podcast, just in case anyone's listening, about the
00:03:45.040 great porn debate.
00:03:45.940 And they were saying, actually, watching pornography rewires the brain and you can actually become
00:03:51.460 more addictive in everything else.
00:03:52.920 So that's why drug use and pornography seem to go into hand in hand.
00:03:56.220 So, yeah, just touching on that.
00:03:57.840 But if Muslims were to watch pornography, how would they then redeem themselves and go back
00:04:02.920 to that justice that you were talking about?
00:04:04.900 So when it comes to pornography, like you said, it's three times more like addictive
00:04:08.900 than cocaine.
00:04:10.100 Yeah.
00:04:10.480 You need to understand that.
00:04:11.820 See, with cocaine, when you take, it's just a substance where certain individuals take.
00:04:16.160 I'll come to later who are those individuals.
00:04:18.140 We'll talk about them.
00:04:18.980 One of them are your guests.
00:04:20.540 Oh, we weren't going to leave that, weren't we?
00:04:22.880 Okay.
00:04:23.380 So basically, it's just a substance that you take.
00:04:25.820 Okay.
00:04:26.020 It's not good for you.
00:04:26.860 But you need to understand the heart doesn't desire what the eyes don't see.
00:04:30.460 I agree.
00:04:30.800 So when you are now consuming, because we don't understand, we think consuming is just
00:04:34.860 with what we eat.
00:04:35.820 No, it's what you engage with.
00:04:38.080 It's your activities.
00:04:39.080 It's what comes up on your Instagram feed.
00:04:41.200 Exactly.
00:04:41.320 It's the conversations that you have.
00:04:42.900 It's the way you talk to yourself.
00:04:44.460 Exactly.
00:04:44.920 So what happens is when you are consuming with your eyes, that's having an impact on the
00:04:48.540 heart.
00:04:49.280 Now, this is why, like Ted Bundy, I think that's the serial killer.
00:04:52.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:04:53.500 He said, he said he was walking on one day and in a rubbish, he saw a magazine.
00:04:59.080 And from there, he started this whole serial killing of these females, these women.
00:05:03.840 So it destroys the soul.
00:05:05.960 So in Islam, when you're watching this, you need to understand that it's not as easy of
00:05:10.120 just repenting.
00:05:11.560 Repenting is repenting for what you have done against your own soul.
00:05:14.940 That's what Allah says in the Quran, for those who wrong their selves, because when you're
00:05:18.380 committing a sin, you're not doing anything against God.
00:05:20.820 You're wronging your own self, because there's going to be repercussions to that, because
00:05:24.880 anything, there's cause and effect.
00:05:26.600 So when you're doing that, now there's a whole period where you have to say, hold on a second,
00:05:31.360 I have been exposed to this.
00:05:33.700 And now there's consequences, because you are not looking at opposite gender the same.
00:05:38.140 Forget that.
00:05:38.800 I mean, like even when it comes to incest, like in America, it's, I believe it all boils
00:05:43.480 back down to pornography.
00:05:45.120 And then it requires you to purify the heart.
00:05:48.580 Islam gives great importance to purification of the heart.
00:05:51.700 You're not protecting your eyes.
00:05:53.000 That's why in Islam, in the Quran, what does God Almighty say?
00:05:55.780 Tell the believing men to lower their gaze.
00:05:59.280 Don't look.
00:06:00.100 What does that mean?
00:06:00.740 Not look at what?
00:06:01.220 Pornography?
00:06:01.680 No.
00:06:02.300 It's telling you that if I'm walking down the road, I don't care if a woman is dressed
00:06:05.100 up in a bikini, she's wearing a niqab.
00:06:07.280 Niqab is like, you know, the burqa.
00:06:09.240 I don't care what she's wearing.
00:06:10.300 My job is not to look at her.
00:06:12.120 What does that teach young men?
00:06:13.620 Discipline.
00:06:14.280 Discipline.
00:06:14.700 Not only that, do not objectify women.
00:06:17.460 It means that as a man, I have to guard my gaze.
00:06:20.500 Do you get it?
00:06:21.060 And obviously, because, for example, we're having this interview.
00:06:23.000 Obviously, I don't want to be rude and be talking to you like this.
00:06:25.340 You know, some Muslims will say, OK, you know, why are you not?
00:06:27.760 In the comments, you'll have it.
00:06:28.960 Oh, will I?
00:06:29.540 Yeah, no, no, I'll get it.
00:06:30.700 Ali, why are you not lowering your gaze looking at her?
00:06:32.380 It's just because we're having a communication.
00:06:34.000 But also, again, maybe that's the lesser of two evils.
00:06:36.540 We're trying to have a discussion where both, like, it's not an argument.
00:06:40.500 We're trying to have a discussion where we both can come to a mutual understanding.
00:06:43.400 So by you ignoring me and not participating, which a lot of that is eye contact, it wouldn't
00:06:48.940 be as fruitful.
00:06:49.900 Exactly.
00:06:50.340 That's why.
00:06:50.800 So for me, for example, the only way, like, for example, once I was having a discussion
00:06:54.500 with a lady, she came to Speaker's Corner and she was dressed up.
00:06:57.120 So will you look at the floor or not?
00:06:58.240 OK, so this lady, you can watch the video.
00:07:00.140 So this lady was dressed up in a way where she...
00:07:04.940 Provocative.
00:07:06.040 Very.
00:07:06.580 Like what?
00:07:08.700 Like how most women go out on a Saturday night in London?
00:07:11.720 Yeah, you can say.
00:07:12.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:13.280 So I literally had to talk to her.
00:07:15.140 She was there.
00:07:15.560 I just had to talk to her like this.
00:07:16.940 Like she was there.
00:07:18.120 Oh, sorry, sorry.
00:07:18.880 So she was there and you were looking forward?
00:07:20.340 She was there and I just...
00:07:21.440 Did she have like a low cut something on?
00:07:23.240 Low cut.
00:07:24.700 I don't know if you call that low cut.
00:07:25.960 You call that no cut.
00:07:26.940 No cut.
00:07:28.080 So basically, I just...
00:07:29.460 You know what it is?
00:07:30.040 Because at the end of the day, I'm a man.
00:07:31.880 I've been created in a certain way.
00:07:32.820 And this is the reality that a lot of the people in the Western world don't understand.
00:07:35.420 No, look, you need to understand, men and women are created in a way, there's that desire.
00:07:40.320 It's there.
00:07:40.960 So that's why Islam deals with prevention better than cure.
00:07:43.160 That's why you have people come and say, oh, my wife went to a work party and then she cheated on me.
00:07:47.920 Everybody has...
00:07:48.520 So would you not let your wife go to a work party?
00:07:50.560 It's not about me letting my wife or me not letting my wife or my wife not letting me.
00:07:54.460 Islam doesn't allow us.
00:07:56.140 Okay, so if your wife worked in an office, I don't believe she does.
00:07:59.840 But if she did, would you...
00:08:01.000 Well, hold on.
00:08:01.400 Let me strip that back.
00:08:02.380 Would you let her work in an office?
00:08:03.380 Okay, Islamically, a woman is allowed to work.
00:08:06.400 As long as there is, for example, there is not free mixing.
00:08:10.060 So if your wife were to work in an office where the desks were laid out like this and there could be males and female, is that prohibited?
00:08:16.380 Okay, yeah.
00:08:16.860 So, for example, my wife will not be allowed, like, Islamically, not because I'm telling her to or not, which I have a right to as well.
00:08:23.940 So, for example, I don't have female friends.
00:08:26.720 Zero.
00:08:27.900 And, for example, like, even when it comes to certain, like, my wife has full access to my phone.
00:08:31.780 Even though Islamically we shouldn't go for each other's phone, but I have no problem with my wife going for my phone.
00:08:36.160 Because at the end of the day, I know I'm a public figure.
00:08:39.160 Sometimes females message with other intentions.
00:08:42.060 So I just, you know, get my wife to message them and say, listen, look, you know, you deal with it.
00:08:45.480 So what Islam does is Islam says we need to protect the family unit.
00:08:48.860 And if you want to protect the family unit, we need to understand that God Almighty, when we talk about justice, I want to do the greatest justice to her.
00:08:54.140 And she wants to do the greatest justice to us so we can do the greatest justice to God Almighty.
00:08:57.600 So what we do is we have certain protocols in place.
00:08:59.820 For example, none of my friends have ever seen my wife.
00:09:02.660 And anytime I go to my friend's house, I have never seen their wife.
00:09:06.200 Ever.
00:09:06.960 What?
00:09:07.540 Ever.
00:09:08.300 For example, I go to my friend's house.
00:09:09.660 Let me tell you how it works.
00:09:10.900 We have the living room.
00:09:12.300 And in that living room, for example, if I have friends coming over to my house, if, for example, I can say to my wife, look, can we be bothered to cook?
00:09:19.360 No?
00:09:19.640 Okay, I'll walk outside.
00:09:20.380 No problem.
00:09:20.680 She says, you know what?
00:09:21.080 No, I want to cook you guys lasagna.
00:09:22.180 Perfect.
00:09:23.000 She's done the cooking.
00:09:23.520 I tell her, you can go out, take the car, have a nice day.
00:09:26.540 I'll be serving them.
00:09:28.080 I'll be serving them.
00:09:28.880 Whatever they want, I will serve them.
00:09:29.820 If the kitchen is in the other room, my wife will never come to the presence of my friends.
00:09:34.240 You know why?
00:09:34.960 My wife has no business with my friends.
00:09:36.280 And I have no business with their wives.
00:09:37.800 No, tell me what business do I have with my wife's friends or them with my...
00:09:42.060 But aren't we then, aren't we, okay, sorry, this is crazy.
00:09:44.840 I did not know this.
00:09:45.840 But aren't we then limiting, communicating?
00:09:48.440 So what I'm saying is, yeah, but this has been an interesting eye-opening conversation for me, right?
00:09:53.100 So I actually get on friendly, not outside.
00:09:56.440 I wouldn't speak to any of my friends' husbands outside then.
00:09:58.340 But sometimes when we go round the house...
00:10:00.080 Okay, this is where I need to stop you.
00:10:01.340 But when we go...
00:10:02.040 Some of them I do, actually.
00:10:03.460 Okay.
00:10:03.640 But when we go round the house, we will have conversations like this.
00:10:07.160 Like, you've met my partner.
00:10:08.400 He agrees the same.
00:10:09.300 He's like, no one should be touching your tail.
00:10:10.480 No one should be doing that, you know.
00:10:12.740 Is that your partner?
00:10:13.280 Yeah, that's my partner.
00:10:14.140 Oh, that handsome, handsome guy, yeah?
00:10:15.260 So he's got, like, he's quite traditional in those kind of beliefs, whereas I'm, like, a bit, like, easygoing.
00:10:22.640 You would die, yeah?
00:10:24.160 So I raise money for charity outside of this, and I do a boxing event.
00:10:27.360 I have to look after 16 men, just myself, as the only female, as in, like, group chats, ring them, meet them for lunch.
00:10:32.680 Okay, yeah.
00:10:33.760 That's probably going to come to be an issue.
00:10:35.300 But what I'm saying is, I'm interested in going round to people's houses.
00:10:39.040 Like, when I go to my friend's house, it's having these conversations.
00:10:42.040 And I suppose this is what the basis of the shows are about, right?
00:10:45.420 But understanding other people's opinions, because I'm sure there'll be, I'll walk away from here and be like,
00:10:51.060 do you know what, I actually misunderstood that, or whatever.
00:10:53.520 But the only way I've done that is through conversation.
00:10:55.920 And males have different conversations than females.
00:10:58.520 And surely you may learn something from the wives, or your wife may learn from the friends.
00:11:04.020 There can be stuff that I learn from my wife, 100%.
00:11:06.120 Yeah.
00:11:06.480 100%.
00:11:07.180 I mean, there's a lot of things my wife teaches me, actually, you know.
00:11:09.000 She actually knows more Quran than me.
00:11:10.360 You know, when I'm reciting Quran, I make a mistake, she corrects me from behind.
00:11:13.160 Yeah.
00:11:13.620 So the thing is this.
00:11:15.360 You said that some of my friends, husbands, I don't talk to them outside, or some of them I do.
00:11:21.460 Yeah.
00:11:22.120 Okay.
00:11:23.560 What would happen if you used to have that kind of dialogue outside them?
00:11:27.580 Like, let's say outside.
00:11:29.600 You used to see them.
00:11:31.040 Where do we draw the line?
00:11:32.360 The question is this.
00:11:33.200 Where do we draw the line and say, this is okay, that's not okay.
00:11:36.320 It's all subjective.
00:11:37.000 That's why we believe we need a divine source to implement justice.
00:11:40.460 Why?
00:11:40.760 Because there has to be justice on, like I said to you before, your husband and your husband to yourself.
00:11:45.520 And your husband will know and relate to this very well.
00:11:47.820 Men know men.
00:11:49.400 Men know men very well.
00:11:50.000 Yeah, my dad always says as well, if you leave the fox in the pen for long enough, it's going to shag the story guides if I'm repeating that wrong.
00:11:57.400 But that was his point.
00:11:58.680 You know what it is?
00:11:59.380 It's at the end of the day, you might like, I'd done a social experiment about eight years ago.
00:12:04.000 Can men and women just be friends?
00:12:05.420 I went to Kingston and I thought, let me just go speak to these people who are clubbing.
00:12:08.620 I need to watch this.
00:12:09.280 You need to watch that.
00:12:09.760 I went to them and I asked them.
00:12:10.980 There was one guy.
00:12:12.220 And most of them, most of them.
00:12:13.080 Sorry, is it my first female podcast?
00:12:15.240 No.
00:12:15.580 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:12:16.920 I was going to get a title then.
00:12:17.940 No, no, no.
00:12:18.280 Okay, so off you go to Kingston.
00:12:19.660 I went to Kingston, done a social experiment.
00:12:20.960 I was asking people.
00:12:21.840 Most of them, a woman, were like, yeah, of course I can be friends.
00:12:23.540 Because they are not seeing it the way we see it.
00:12:25.760 Because we think in a different way.
00:12:27.040 You think there's nothing wrong with being a friend.
00:12:28.900 But you don't understand men being in the friend zone is a step closer to getting to her.
00:12:32.720 And knowing that it's a disrespect to her partner.
00:12:34.520 There was one guy I spotted him.
00:12:36.020 And she was like, yeah, he's my best friend.
00:12:38.260 And I said, okay, no problem.
00:12:39.500 I said, you're my best friend.
00:12:40.100 He's like, nah.
00:12:42.040 He's like, I'm into her.
00:12:43.040 Like he was basically saying that she was gobsmacked.
00:12:45.060 She was like, she was like, it's like, it's like someone punched you in the face.
00:12:48.240 She's like, what?
00:12:48.880 And she walked off.
00:12:50.140 He was laughing his head off.
00:12:50.980 He was like, no, I'm just going to be honest.
00:12:52.080 Yep, I'm into her.
00:12:52.780 I'm just in the friend zone.
00:12:53.400 And I was like, this is what I'm talking about.
00:12:55.160 And there were studies done many places.
00:12:56.760 Men and women cannot just be friends.
00:12:58.380 So I'm not saying that your friends' husbands have a thing for you.
00:13:02.720 I'm not saying that.
00:13:03.600 And I'm neither saying they might not.
00:13:05.200 What I'm saying is that Islam has come to preserve that justice for your husband and for yourself as well.
00:13:09.580 Because obviously it depends.
00:13:12.100 Like I know my wife would not want me to have female friends.
00:13:14.620 Yes.
00:13:14.880 And I don't do it just because of my wife, but because Islam says.
00:13:17.660 And vice versa, she respects that as well.
00:13:19.540 So I'm having that justice.
00:13:20.880 I'm living by that justice for her and for myself.
00:13:22.720 Because we believe prevention is better than cure.
00:13:25.040 Because look, sometimes in the Western world, you happen to have a few drinks.
00:13:28.600 These things, I hear stories of, yes, we was at a party.
00:13:32.100 My husband had to go somewhere urgently.
00:13:34.200 And the next thing I know, I ended up in his bed.
00:13:36.820 Well, you didn't bloody drop there, did you?
00:13:38.180 You know, it's so Islam says this, that's going to lead to this and that's going to lead to that.
00:13:41.820 What about prevention is better than cure?
00:13:43.080 You know why?
00:13:43.680 Because now the breakdown of that house is going to be far costly to the children.
00:13:47.620 Because we're looking at two parent households.
00:13:49.420 They do far more better than their divorce.
00:13:52.800 You know, the nuclear family is fundamental.
00:13:54.560 That's why Islam has come to protect the communal rights.
00:13:57.740 Family unit is fundamental.
00:13:59.100 That's why, as you see, we Muslims are at the gates of the whole LGBTQ, trans, whatever you want to call it.
00:14:04.680 We don't want that for our kids.
00:14:06.180 We're coming on to that.
00:14:06.800 Thank you.
00:14:07.280 We don't want that for our kids.
00:14:08.080 That's a whole other conversation.
00:14:08.760 So that's why Islam gives great emphasis, because when the family unit breakdown, it has a ripple effect on kids.
00:14:15.480 Right.
00:14:15.680 Well, so you've led into my next question.
00:14:18.340 The next one I want to talk about is marriage and family.
00:14:21.460 Actually, this is the first time I've actually stuck to something.
00:14:23.980 So I didn't want to not ask you any questions.
00:14:25.840 But right, so adultery is a very...