MY WIFE REACTS TO KHALID & SALAMAS DIVORCE - LESSONS
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
204.97078
Summary
Jummah Kutbahaykum: Why is it so important for women to have a voice in the matter? Why does it matter if a woman or a man is guilty or not? What is the difference between a woman and a man when it comes to divorce?
Transcript
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But why is the default that the woman is innocent and the man is always guilty?
00:00:07.840
Salama probably had enough as women give a lot of chances, has zero tolerance now.
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Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, brothers and sisters and dear friends.
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This video will be a very unique video, a very special video, should we want to say.
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It's a video that if it does come out public, it means that I have spoken to people of knowledge, spoken to my peers, my friends, and got some nasir from them and gone ahead with it.
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And why am I saying this? Because I have my wife on my right.
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She's not going to be in the video, but she's going to have her say with this whiteboard that I bought her.
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So I'll be doing a reaction video pertaining to the issue of Sister Salama and Baba Khalid, if I'm not mistaken.
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Okay, so basically, what we've heard is that they have divorced, or they've gone their separate ways.
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But the biggest threat, one of the biggest threats, shall I say, we have to the Umar in today's time is divorce rates.
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Divorce is something that is breaking the family unit.
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It has an effect on the mental well-being of the wife, the mental well-being of the husband.
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Women, usually with these things, men tend to suffer more because we don't have the coping mechanism that our wives do, which is, you know, crying, expressing.
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With us men, we keep it inside, bottle it, bottle it until it explodes.
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And when we look at suicide rates, men and women equally harm themselves, but men take more lethal force, which causes them to end their life.
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So this is the reason I'm doing this video, and I thought it's very, very important that to have the female perspective.
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As you guys know, on the Bitter Truth Show, and this has been something that I've always done.
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I always want to understand the point from a sister's point of view.
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So that's the reason why I brought my wife into this.
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She's going to be expressing herself, and that's out of her choice.
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Not that there's anything wrong with her being on camera, but I don't like my private life.
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Not that I'm sharing my private life with you guys anyways.
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But the point is that she's going to be writing some points down, which she may disagree with me, or she might add on to a point.
00:03:03.220
She's going to write it down, and she will present that to me after I have had my take on this matter, inshallah.
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And then we can talk about what are the key lessons we can learn of this issue, and we are going to make du'a for them that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala brings them back together, inshallah.
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Because we don't want to see any Muslim couple for that matter divorcing, or even non-Muslims, because it affects the society that we live in at large.
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I don't know if I chose Khlyifah Abdullah or Khlyifah Abdullah chose me.
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If Khlyifah, but, inshallah, the only way to age 18, what did you say to him?
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If my life is a life, I will be miserable when they leave me.
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If I had a psychiatrist's help, I was a human, I'm a man.
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Why would I be married? Why would I be married?
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Heidi, when you said I'm accountable, I want to fix myself.
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Because there's no part of peace I'm going to show up.
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People can't sit with themselves because they're scared.
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And I just sit with myself and I know who I am.
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At the same time, a lot of people are sitting with themselves.
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They know that they're sitting with themselves and thinking they're what they like.
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So guys, we've watched that video with my wife, as you can see, inshallah.
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There's a few things that I want to mention, subhanallah, to you guys.
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So a lot of us, we look at these public figures.
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And we have this dream world that we set for ourselves.
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The reason we project that is because this is something we want to believe.
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We want to believe that marriage is all hunky-dory, happy.
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Like you will see the videos, you know, it's all like jokey.
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You know, and then we carry those false expectations onto our marriages and think that that's how
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It's like me going to a Ferrari and saying, can you produce strawberry cheesecakes?
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The Ferrari is not programmed or created to make strawberry cakes.
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So my expectation is always going to be in disappointment.
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So that is the reason why I totally disagree with public figures, specifically showing their
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Even having my wife here on the right, on my right-hand side, may Allah bless and preserve
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Because I'm not even mentioning my private life.
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Girl, because I might come and do a gesture to my wife here and you sister might watch
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Or brothers might watch and have different expectations with their wives.
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Oh, but look how Ali's wife, listen, I'm not here to do that.
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I'm here because I genuinely want to hear if my wife has an input that is, that I would
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like to hear it from a female perspective because I might be wrong and I want to hear that.
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We look at people and public figures are to blame for this.
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The marriages that have been destroyed, I'm so sorry.
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Indirectly or directly, you are playing a role in destroying marriages.
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Because believe me, I can do a vlog with my wife.
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Oh my gosh, look at our kids and we went out today and we had strawberry desserts.
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Why would I show you a 10 second glimpse of fun that I had in my family, my wife, and then
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you're going to take that and stretch it into my marriage of how many years and be like,
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So as public figures, we have to have a responsibility and take each other to account of the things
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Before we started this, me and my wife did our adhkar.
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Sadly, there are people out there who are jealous.
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Whatever it is for that matter, I don't know what they're jealous about for that matter.
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That's the reason why we are very, very careful to how I am with my wife here.
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But I don't want to give a misconstrued idea of how my dynamics with my wife is.
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And actually me and my wife, we prefer that you guys think that my wife is not happy
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The worst you think that is, there were some comments like, oh my gosh, I feel sorry
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Just carry on feeling sorry for her and feeling sorry for me, whoever it is for that
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Now we're going to go to Surah Yusuf in the Quran.
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Because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us, Yusuf, when he saw the sun and the moon
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and the stars and he came to his father and spoke of that dream and his father obviously
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may have had some inspiration of understanding dreams.
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People that are watching you, whatever it is, yeah?
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If you live in today's time, don't tell your followers, yeah?
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Because brothers and sisters, envy and jealousy and hasad, these things are real.
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When you expose yourself to the people, it is bound to have an effect.
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The Prophet peace be upon him said, the evil eye is haqq.
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And he pointed to the graves and he said, do you know how many people are dead in their
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So point number one, which can harm your marriage is what?
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In Surah Bahra, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says what?
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That when Harut and Marut was given, when they brought sihr down with the permission
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But the devil's disbelief, teaching people magic and which was revealed to two angels
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But they, the two angels, did not teach anyone unless they say, we are a trial, so do not
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And yet they learn from that which they cause separation between a man and his wife, but
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they do not harm or cause separation between, but they do not harm anyone except from the
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Another issue that we have, sihr, black magic, as if it is more powerful than Allah.
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Number two, isn't it unique and specifically, I don't know how you think about this, yeah?
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So profound that the sihr, it's not used for stopping someone praying salah, stopping them
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from giving sadaqah, stopping them from umrah, stopping them from doing anything, but it
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is specifically used to cause divorce between man and his wife.
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That is the one of the reasons why I started the Bitter Truth Show, to combat this disease.
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The reason I'm here today doing this video, it's to combat that.
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Because when the family unit breaks down, Sister Salama and Khalid, we want to see you guys
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Wallahi, I make sincere dua that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala reunites you guys.
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Because I've seen some of Khalid's video, I've seen some of your videos, I don't care
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what kind of picture you guys put on, smiling, et cetera.
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But I genuinely believe, believe deep down, you both miss each other and you guys are
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Okay, now I don't know the inner dynamics of your marriage, what happened, I don't know.
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And yes, in the video you said that, you know, I can't change people, but I can change people.
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Meaning, if you cannot change somebody's personality, then you replace them.
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This is another, which I don't know if you're going to disagree with me or not, please, you
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can voice it on your whiteboard, inshallah, yeah?
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I don't want people to say, you know, you're forced and not allowed to speak, et cetera.
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Or, you know, you have a right to speak if you want to, yeah?
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Okay, anything you say will be used against me in court.
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That when we're talking about this, this attitude that we carry on, which is dangerous, and sadly,
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a lot of sisters have this, 80% of the time, divorces are initiated by men, women.
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However, this attitude of Amazon Prime, fast cars, fast hand drives, fast food, Amazon Prime,
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But, as our sisters, please, we know you get emotional, we know you say things you don't mean,
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and in this instance, look, it might be a case where, there might be instances where a sister is
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genuinely unhappy with her husband, her husband is genuinely, it can be, or a man can be genuinely
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But the point is this, we need to get rid of this habit of replace.
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Now, I understand what she's saying, it can be that it's very, in her situation,
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which we do not know the inner dynamics, by the way, yeah?
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It can be, but we really need to get rid of this habit of, I don't like it, I'll replace it.
00:13:00.580
Who said the one that's going to come after is going to be better than the one that went?
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Why do we have this assumption of the grass is greener on the other side?
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And another issue that I see in the comment section is, and sisters do this a lot, I'm so sorry.
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Again, you can disagree with me, sister here, my wife.
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The point is this, is that always blaming the man.
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Have you seen her pores have gone, her skin is shining better since they've divorced.
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You guys are little shaitans that break down and destroy the marriage.
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Sisters, a lot of sisters that do this, you guys are sadly, I'm so sorry, I don't care what anyone says.
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The point is this though, I always see this in the comment section.
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I always see it sadly from sisters who are criticizing that as if, how do you know she was not the perpetrator?
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How do you not know she was the one that was bullying Khalid, for example?
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Or she was the one, I'm just saying that it can be, it can be that Khalid was doing that.
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But why is the default that the woman is innocent and the man is always guilty?
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Salama probably had enough as women give out, give a lot of chances, has zero tolerance now.
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Now, again, the assumption that you're making, and maybe a lot of sisters might be making, is the following.
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Why is it that maybe it's not that Khalid gave her a lot of chances and he has zero tolerance?
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I would like to hear that if you can express it, please.
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Because the assumption that you've made now is literally that Salama has been fed up and she's been going through a lot.
00:15:01.980
So can you please just vocalize to me, why is it that Khalid hasn't had enough?
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Just from, like, if we were neutral, because I just believe that you're coming from one-sided.
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Yes, I know you're a woman and you can be something emotional and you can more connect with her.
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But the thing is, a lot of sisters make these mistakes.
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So my wife is writing probably a refutation for me now.
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As sisters, sometimes we take our past traumas.
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Yeah, sisters take the past traumas of their father or ex-husband, etc.
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So, okay, she's saying, she made the video, not him.
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Okay, but the point is this, is that just because one decided to express a feeling,
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So just because she has made that vocalize, and a lot of people say this,
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and I'm going to end on this note, I don't want this video to go too long, yeah?
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I know of situations of people in marriage councils,
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which tell me stories of a woman coming and crying,
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And saying, my husband did this, my husband did that.
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And the brothers there are like, bro, we feel so different.
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never make a judgment until you hear the other side.
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That's why with me, I'm trying to keep it more neutral.
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When you, this is what I was told to him about Shaheitham, yeah?
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That when the man comes and says, hold on a second,
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that's not true, or that's not how that happened, etc.
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When you hear both sides, you realise that the wife was in an emotional place,
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There is a part to blame here, and they're both of you.
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So that is why it is so important that we don't just look at somebody's emotions,
00:17:03.920
Like, why would your wife just randomly go and do that?
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I personally, on this matter, there's nothing else I have to say.
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and I want to give this advice to our sisters, okay?
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Again, the Prophet, peace be upon him, told us.
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And he saw a majority of the women of the hellfire.
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He said, not because they are ungrateful to Allah,
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please take your evil dad who beat up your mom,
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The Prophet, peace be upon him, gave a solution.
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is as men, we need to know our responsibilities
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Anything good is from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.