Ali Dawah - POLYGAMY IN THE 21st CENTURY？ - TALK TO ME

00:00:00.000 I was just reading a post on Facebook, not now, a long time ago, and there was a profound statement a sister made, which I just found interesting.

00:00:07.140 She was like, I would rather spend half the time with a good man than full time with a waste man.

00:00:23.800 As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi barakatuh, brothers and sisters and dear friends.

00:00:26.620 Welcome to another episode of Talk To Me.

00:00:28.220 I'm your host, Ali Dawa, on this show.

00:00:31.360 Before I start, I want to introduce our dear Devil's Advocate, because he's the main guy, actually, he has priority.

00:00:38.580 What's your role on this show, Aki?

00:00:40.200 Okay, yes, as-salamu alaykum.

00:00:41.940 My name's Hamza Paterson, I'm Devil's Advocate, so that role is to essentially contest the main arguments and try and show the other side of the argument.

00:00:53.140 Yes, make the show more exciting.

00:00:54.840 And on your left is brother?

00:00:56.240 Yusuf.

00:00:56.640 Brother Yusuf.

00:00:57.760 May Allah bless him.

00:00:58.700 And here we have brother Mohamed Hijab, who's involved in the Dawah, and he's a YouTuber himself.

00:01:03.820 And we've got brother Asif.

00:01:05.820 Yep.

00:01:05.980 Okay, so today's topic is something controversial. Some brothers get excited when they hear it. Sisters get angry. It's the matter of polygamy.

00:01:16.200 The question that needs to be asked is, is polygamy something that could be practiced in today's time?

00:01:23.380 Brother Mohamed, what's your take on this? Do you think it can be practiced? Do you think maybe men take advantage of this?

00:01:30.620 Well, definitely men do take advantage of this? Just as they do take advantage of many things.

00:01:39.000 Because as the Quran says,

00:01:40.240 That surely man is in a state of transgression. And that applies to men and women. 1.00

00:01:46.980 But generally speaking, going back to what you said, which was absolutely true, I think it's very important to note that in all of the ancient texts, almost without any exception, like for example, the Old Testament, you have Abraham has two wives and one concubine.

00:02:04.720 Solomon has 300 wives and 700 concubines. In other texts, like for example, even the Sikh scriptures, six of the 12 gurus were in polygamous relationships.

00:02:17.840 So this is not an exclusive, like Islam doesn't have the monopoly on this. And as you correctly said as well, like for example, liberalism as a political philosophy doesn't actually restrict people from, if they wanted to, practice polygamy.

00:02:33.220 And this goes for both genders. 0.93

00:02:34.720 On order though, both brothers have brought, you know, fair arguments, but I would say the, on the other side of the argument is that, I mean, we're living in a country where polygamy marriage is forbidden.

00:02:46.960 Yeah, it's illegal.

00:02:48.220 And as Muslims, we've been instructed by people of knowledge and whatnot, like we should obey the law of the land.

00:02:54.620 And although it is permissible in Islamic law, there's nothing in Islamic law that has made it mandatory to us to go out our way to have polygamous marriage.

00:03:03.480 So therefore, when you're looking at two sides of the coin where one is a legal stance on the country that you're living in to something where it's just merely, you know, permissible, I think now we should just take, I think we should just take, we should take the stance of not breaking the law.

00:03:21.660 Just to kind of contest what you've just said there, it's true, what you've said is correct, it is illegal, but then that begs the question, why is polygamy illegal per se and adultery is not illegal?

00:03:30.900 I mean, this is an incredible double standard from a moral perspective.

00:03:34.760 Very, very valid question.

00:03:36.940 I just want to do like a little survey here.

00:03:39.400 How many, okay, let's come to the brothers.

00:03:41.080 How many of you guys would get into a polygamous marriage? 0.98

00:03:43.860 Be honest, don't worry, the cameras are not on you.

00:03:47.400 How many of you guys would get into a polygamous marriage? 0.98

00:03:49.780 For example, not in this, let's say if he was in a country that's legal, for example.

00:03:54.060 One, two, three, four.

00:03:54.920 So, sisters, how many of you guys wouldn't have a problem with your husband marrying again?

00:04:01.940 Yes, that was expected.

00:04:04.020 Okay, one sister.

00:04:04.840 Okay, so what I'm going to do is, I'm going to come to the sisters.

00:04:07.580 Sisters, what is your main concerns with the issue of polygamy?

00:04:12.560 Not that you're against it, obviously.

00:04:15.020 Like, what's your say on it?

00:04:16.380 Like, let's go to some sisters.

00:04:17.820 Like, what is the fears maybe sisters face?

00:04:21.580 Or what is it?

00:04:22.380 Like, we want to take it from your point of view.

00:04:23.720 Let's go to the sisters, inshallah.

00:04:25.480 Yeah, you, sister, yeah.

00:04:27.440 Yeah, you, sister.

00:04:29.420 Oh, what I think is, it's all about honesty.

00:04:33.020 If you're going to get into it, then you should be honest and upfront before you marry someone,

00:04:36.980 because that girl might not know what she's getting herself into. 1.00

00:04:39.460 And what I've seen from, like, a lot of older people is that they'll, like, go hide a second wife somewhere. 0.89

00:04:44.700 And they wouldn't really tell them, and somehow they'll all find out.

00:04:48.480 And then the kids will get involved, and, like, the kids will have some sort of, like, hatred towards their parent,

00:04:53.480 and that's not nice.

00:04:54.180 So you're saying it shouldn't be hidden?

00:04:55.600 Yeah.

00:04:55.740 Let's go to this sister here. 0.97

00:04:56.800 I think it's not really a problem, you know.

00:05:00.540 The only problem is when they make a problem.

00:05:04.420 When the wife thinks that he's done it behind her back or something like that, that's when it becomes a problem. 0.67

00:05:10.920 That's not really a problem.

00:05:11.680 Okay, let's go to this brother quickly.

00:05:14.080 I do disagree with one of the sisters that said that it should be, it should not be hidden before nikah. 0.98

00:05:21.440 Because, you know, as the law of the Qur'an, like, fitrah, a man might not decide at the point of nikah, the first nikah, that he's not going to do a second one.

00:05:30.440 Or he's not going to involve himself in a marriage.

00:05:33.700 But later, during the course of the same nikah, he might decide that, I want to get into another marriage. 0.99

00:05:39.980 Okay.

00:05:40.740 So when he says that it should not be, as in, it should be revealed before nikah, because that's not always a choice. 0.96

00:05:47.340 And that's not always the case.

00:05:48.540 Sometimes, even for example, if a man said, okay, very liberal and said, yes, I don't mind getting into nikahs or, you know, how much Islam permits us to. 0.99

00:05:58.300 And then if he declares that in the society we're living in, the first thing that the girl or, you know, the opposite gender will say, okay, sorry, I can't be with you. 0.94

00:06:09.820 So then it becomes hard for the man as well, even though he's according to the Sharia and wants to. 0.99

00:06:14.920 But shouldn't he be open if he says he wants to get married again, shouldn't he be vocal and open about that to his first wife, that I will do this.

00:06:21.580 That's what the sister's trying to say, like, you should be open about it.

00:06:24.280 Before marriage?

00:06:25.060 Before marriage?

00:06:25.860 Yeah, before marriage.

00:06:26.680 Before marriage, so that's what I'm saying, sometimes it's not always the case.

00:06:30.360 Because at that point.

00:06:31.040 Okay, so you're saying the brother might say, you know what, no, I don't want to get married again, but later on he might change his mind.

00:06:34.960 Yeah.

00:06:35.120 But then again, we do have a ruling with scholars say, for example, that if, you know,

00:06:39.640 if the wife says that, you know, she doesn't want you to get married again and it's signed,

00:06:43.020 it might be too late for you to change your mind because it's done and dusted, which the sisters might rejoice at this.

00:06:48.220 They don't know about it.

00:06:49.940 However, the question is one of, yes.

00:06:52.540 I mean, in regards to marriage as well, many of the times, or what usually boils down to, when it comes to the permissibility of it,

00:07:00.900 is that whether the husbands can be fair, whether they can be equal.

00:07:04.780 And there will be someone that will argue against it that around this day and age, no, they can't be.

00:07:08.740 Especially in the West, in this country, the standard of living is getting higher.

00:07:13.920 Many people can't afford to take a second wife. 1.00

00:07:16.060 Usually you'll find ones that do engage in that as well.

00:07:18.120 They all end up cheating the system by trying to do something that is halal. 0.99

00:07:21.980 But then again, something again, which is going against the law of the land.

00:07:26.660 As a person who lives in Britain, yeah, you said about the, it's not obeying the law of the land.

00:07:31.960 The law of the land doesn't recognise niqah anyway. 1.00

00:07:34.760 So, khalas. 1.00

00:07:35.860 My marriage is niqah only. 0.99

00:07:37.680 I haven't gone to any British law and got it signed off.

00:07:40.640 My niqah is only a niqah. 0.99

00:07:42.640 It's not a British marriage. 0.84

00:07:43.860 So, they don't recognise my marriage anyway.

00:07:45.900 Yeah, but it's not against the law though, is it?

00:07:47.540 No, it's not against the law.

00:07:48.700 So, I haven't broken the law.

00:07:49.300 Okay, but you're getting married again.

00:07:50.760 No, no, no, no, because niqah's not recognised.

00:07:52.920 So, it's not even a marriage I'm involved in.

00:07:55.600 Niqah is not recognised by a British.

00:07:57.240 No, no, we're not talking about here, is it valid or not.

00:07:58.860 We're saying as a man, why can I give you?

00:07:59.800 Yes, I'm saying so, yes, I would and I'm not breaking the law.

00:08:02.600 And I would do it because it's halal for me. 0.77

00:08:04.920 Is that the only reason?

00:08:05.940 Like, it's halal? 0.98

00:08:07.320 As a former man's perspective.

00:08:08.160 Allah says, take two, three or four.

00:08:10.160 He doesn't say take one first.

00:08:11.380 He says, take two, three or four.

00:08:13.560 And then, two or three ayahs down the road, Allah says, 0.99

00:08:16.800 and you will never be just, so fear Allah.

00:08:18.320 You will always love one more than the other.

00:08:19.740 Let's go to the sisters.

00:08:20.340 Maybe the sisters want to finish the ayah. 1.00

00:08:22.000 True.

00:08:22.580 You know, where he said two, threes and four.

00:08:24.300 Sisters, is that where the ayah ends?

00:08:25.740 Is that where it ends?

00:08:27.680 Let's go to the sister here. 1.00

00:08:29.060 If you feel like you can't be just.

00:08:31.160 Sorry, can I say that?

00:08:32.700 If you have a fear that you cannot be just.

00:08:34.680 Yeah.

00:08:34.940 Then you take one.

00:08:35.960 Did you hear that, Farouk?

00:08:36.720 And it's not possible for anyone to be just.

00:08:37.660 If you haven't finished the ayah, the mic stop.

00:08:39.000 Yeah, I'll let the sister finish it for you. 1.00

00:08:40.980 It's not possible.

00:08:43.080 Okay, so let me, let me, let me, let me.

00:08:44.520 Okay, let me ask a question.

00:08:46.720 Can we all, you know, can we say that, yeah,

00:08:50.400 we'll definitely be just, we'll give each the amount

00:08:52.840 in regards to money and house and things.

00:08:55.680 Love is not something that you can control

00:08:57.320 in regards to your heart.

00:08:58.060 Allah SWT here, he's spoken about this.

00:09:00.880 He says,

00:09:01.100 He says that you will never be able

00:09:08.340 to be just with your wives 0.91

00:09:10.140 and even if you'll try it.

00:09:11.200 So then he gives you advice.

00:09:12.080 He says,

00:09:12.860 so don't,

00:09:14.040 so don't lean,

00:09:14.900 literally the Arabic word is quite similar to English.

00:09:17.160 So don't lean in one direction of one woman 0.96

00:09:19.920 so to leave the other one suspended.

00:09:21.500 In other words,

00:09:21.820 what has that been interpreted?

00:09:23.040 Is that in regards to,

00:09:23.860 is that in regards to material things

00:09:25.120 or is that in regards to love?

00:09:26.040 So what the scholars have said

00:09:28.080 is basically that

00:09:28.840 when it comes to you where your heart is,

00:09:30.400 you're not,

00:09:31.020 you're not held accountable for that.

00:09:31.820 But in regards to what we've seen

00:09:33.200 in many statistics,

00:09:34.400 that when brothers that take on another wife,

00:09:36.560 what happens is they end up cheating the system, right?

00:09:38.700 They'll claim single for the second,

00:09:41.540 they'll do benefits,

00:09:43.260 they'll do little dodgy around the bend things

00:09:46.300 to try and get something.

00:09:48.260 That's a good point.

00:09:49.220 And that's not right,

00:09:50.680 no matter what.

00:09:51.220 Yeah, let's go tell his brother here, inshallah.

00:09:55.620 I saw one of your videos,

00:09:57.400 Mohamed or Ali,

00:09:58.940 and you were saying that,

00:10:01.860 both of you were in the video,

00:10:04.220 and you were saying that,

00:10:05.500 people in Britain practice polygamy,

00:10:08.700 but they don't see it as polygamy.

00:10:11.280 So boyfriend and girlfriend,

00:10:12.900 having multiple partners,

00:10:16.060 that is polygamy, 0.96

00:10:18.340 but they won't see it

00:10:19.320 because of the way,

00:10:21.160 they see polygamy, 0.82

00:10:22.060 or when they think of polygamy,

00:10:22.860 oh, more than one wife,

00:10:23.740 no,

00:10:24.340 I don't agree with polygamy,

00:10:25.660 but then technically,

00:10:26.840 they're doing it already.

00:10:27.760 Okay, so the question that needs to be asked is,

00:10:30.080 okay, look,

00:10:31.320 if we look at maybe certain individuals,

00:10:33.300 they have a right to have,

00:10:34.680 you know,

00:10:36.120 pre-marital relationships,

00:10:37.820 girlfriends,

00:10:39.080 etc.

00:10:39.720 So,

00:10:40.280 what's the difference?

00:10:41.260 Because if we look at it,

00:10:41.980 we can say,

00:10:42.380 you know,

00:10:42.520 they're actually practicing polygamy, 0.76

00:10:44.220 but with no rules or regulations,

00:10:46.840 so,

00:10:47.000 you know,

00:10:47.600 maybe somebody might come and say,

00:10:49.600 in Islam,

00:10:50.320 there's rules and regulations

00:10:51.220 to protect the woman,

00:10:52.820 but over here,

00:10:53.400 maybe there's individuals

00:10:54.080 who go out there

00:10:54.640 and just,

00:10:55.100 you know,

00:10:55.420 have girlfriends,

00:10:56.280 two,

00:10:56.560 three,

00:10:56.800 four,

00:10:57.060 five,

00:10:57.360 six,

00:10:57.620 seven,

00:10:57.880 whatever it may be.

00:10:58.420 So,

00:10:59.020 what's your take on this?

00:11:00.640 Let's go to this sister,

00:11:03.120 and then we'll go here.

00:11:04.180 Because it's not legalized.

00:11:05.940 It's not written on paper.

00:11:07.920 Okay.

00:11:08.220 That's the difference.

00:11:09.200 That's why they can be with multiple partners. 0.65

00:11:12.460 Yeah.

00:11:12.760 But in Islam,

00:11:13.360 we don't have that.

00:11:15.000 You're not allowed to be with another person

00:11:17.200 until you're married.

00:11:18.960 Okay.

00:11:19.380 That's the difference.

00:11:20.160 Okay.

00:11:20.440 So,

00:11:20.780 let's go to the sister, 0.98

00:11:22.680 inshallah.

00:11:27.360 Yeah.

00:11:27.760 The point that I wanted to make

00:11:29.380 was more on the sense of,

00:11:30.820 if you look at the reasons polygamy happens 0.96

00:11:32.600 in,

00:11:33.220 you know,

00:11:33.500 Islamic history

00:11:34.160 and in our cultures,

00:11:35.640 it's not because of lust.

00:11:36.920 If you look at,

00:11:37.440 for example,

00:11:37.620 in my country,

00:11:38.800 the living standards are quite bad.

00:11:41.080 So,

00:11:41.360 if you,

00:11:42.400 if a man passes away,

00:11:44.140 his brother will marry the wife.

00:11:46.300 Okay.

00:11:46.500 And,

00:11:46.880 you know,

00:11:47.040 these are reasons that,

00:11:48.220 you know,

00:11:48.440 you can fathom and make sense,

00:11:49.460 but in the sense of,

00:11:50.040 okay,

00:11:50.260 I'm living in the West

00:11:51.100 and I have desires,

00:11:52.580 you know,

00:11:52.720 you shouldn't even be looking at a woman 1.00

00:11:53.780 that's not your wife. 1.00

00:11:55.160 Okay.

00:11:56.220 Let's do it.

00:11:57.000 I can understand it.

00:11:57.080 I mean,

00:11:58.000 you know,

00:11:58.460 it's not your mom

00:11:59.160 that's not what I was looking at the making.

00:12:00.220 It's not your aus.

00:12:01.020 I can understand it.

Ali Dawah - January 17, 2018

POLYGAMY IN THE 21st CENTURY？ - TALK TO ME

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