Ali Dawah - October 26, 2019


QUR’AN TROUBLES & LEAVING DAWAH


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

221.31502

Word count

2,566

Sentence count

216

Harmful content

Hate speech

10

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I share a personal story of how I came to the point of wanting to leave Dawah and how I dealt with the situation. I talk about how I struggled to read the Qur'an and how it affected my relationship with my religion.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 And what led me and caused me to come to a point, the brink of wanting to leave Dawah?
00:00:30.000 Okay guys, welcome to this video. Asalaamu Alaikum. I'm going to be sharing with you guys a personal matter that is close to me and the personal struggles that I went through with the Qur'an and the Dawah.
00:00:45.640 Yes, I actually came to a point where I actually wanted to leave Dawah. Why did I want to leave Dawah? Now there was a variety of reasons and I was quite serious. I've actually like said, if I can't do this,
00:01:00.000 I'm leaving the Dawah. Now, there was a variety of things. There was things like, you know, before, this might be intentional or unintentional, I'm not going to go at these people. 1.00
00:01:08.700 I'm just telling you guys the facts that happened. You know, being mocked for not being able to read the Qur'an. Now bear in mind, yes, I might have dark hair, dark eyebrows,
00:01:16.620 and look like I've got cold in my eyes. But that doesn't mean I was born a Muslim. So I'm a revert to Islam. And a lot of times, sometimes people expect a lot from you and they just forget. 0.84
00:01:29.900 Sometimes even my teachers say, well, I will forget that you're a revert. A lot of things would add up, you know, when you're being mocked.
00:01:36.140 And when you genuinely know yourself, you're trying your best. You're genuinely trying your best. And it's hard.
00:01:41.520 So the actual matter here at hand is that me being able to read the Qur'an, it's something that I struggled with for a lot.
00:01:50.520 I can say for the first two years when I first came to Islam, I didn't take priority in it. Yes. For God knows what reasons. 0.99
00:01:57.660 It was just a mistake. I just didn't really take priority in learning how to read the Qur'an.
00:02:01.380 But as things progressed, I wanted to. I genuinely wanted to. And I tried my best. And it's a bit like when you're studying, you know,
00:02:07.540 you're trying to be a student of knowledge. It's hard. It doesn't work. You just learn everything at once. It doesn't work like that.
00:02:13.080 It's a gradual progress. And it's also to show how determined you are. And Allah is going to test you. Allah is going to test you with everything.
00:02:18.720 Yes. Even if it means learning the Qur'an, learning how to read the Qur'an.
00:02:23.740 And so I started this journey, etc. And I was looking. And obviously at that time, there were some issues that I had with certain brothers, etc.
00:02:31.920 You know, may Allah bless them. I don't have any ill feeling towards them.
00:02:34.840 But the thing is, it's that, you know, I would be mocked, etc. You know, you don't know how to read the Qur'an.
00:02:39.340 You're doing dawah, etc. I understand where they were coming from. But at the end of the day, with me, I was passionate.
00:02:44.560 Seeing people disregarding my religion, lying about my religion, that bothered me.
00:02:48.380 And in my head, I wouldn't say to myself, okay, let me stop dawah until I know how to read the Qur'an.
00:02:53.180 I said, no, look, I know the basics of tawheed. Let me carry on dawah. And that would be something on the way that I can do.
00:03:00.140 But obviously, people took that different. Like, no, you shouldn't give dawah. You should stop dawah.
00:03:03.920 Dawah is haram for you. You should not do it, etc. 0.86
00:03:05.920 And that would, obviously, it puts you down to a certain point.
00:03:08.900 Even though I can say I'm quite thick-skinned. A lot of people say, you know.
00:03:11.660 But the thing is, sometimes it does get to you.
00:03:13.520 I carried on.
00:03:14.640 But one thing that really was starting to get to me was because I was looking for teachers.
00:03:19.680 I was looking for someone that can actually, on a constant basis, teach me.
00:03:23.540 And may Allah bless my teachers. It's not their fault.
00:03:25.480 But, you know, they'll be busy. You know, alhamdulillah, like, you know, Ustad Adnan Rasheed, Musa's dad.
00:03:29.820 I learnt with him. He would try to help me learn the alphabet, etc.
00:03:32.860 But he would be busy with his own things.
00:03:34.400 And obviously, this, without his fault, he would just get to me like,
00:03:37.320 ah, you know, we started two weeks and then third week Ustad has to travel.
00:03:40.440 That's not his fault. You know, it's just, I'm looking for ways out.
00:03:43.860 So, alhamdulillah, I would start that journey.
00:03:45.360 I would start trying to go to other classes.
00:03:47.140 And then I did it with Ustad Jamal. Alhamdulillah, he helped me a lot.
00:03:50.440 A lot.
00:03:51.260 But obviously, because of my lifestyle, I work. I have to work.
00:03:54.440 Because I have to work, I don't have the time.
00:03:56.700 I'm not lucky as those who do not work. 1.00
00:03:58.420 They make a living off whatever they may be selling, etc.
00:04:01.840 Whatever they're doing.
00:04:02.840 And they have that time to study.
00:04:04.580 I didn't. I had to work continuously.
00:04:06.340 I've had to work one way or another.
00:04:08.000 People who know me, be it Uber before Uber, I would do work in different ways.
00:04:12.100 You know what I'm trying to say?
00:04:12.780 And that's the reason why these obstacles come in the way.
00:04:17.600 So, I was thinking, how am I going to find somewhere where I can study, but it fits into my routine?
00:04:22.820 Yeah?
00:04:23.240 So, it was hard. I couldn't.
00:04:24.420 And then, obviously, I started at Badr.
00:04:26.120 Brilliant place.
00:04:26.880 I would recommend every single one of you guys to go and study there.
00:04:29.660 You know, if you don't have a hectic lifestyle like me, go and study there.
00:04:32.240 Brilliant.
00:04:32.620 Alhamdulillah, may Allah bless them.
00:04:33.500 They help me a lot in a variety of ways.
00:04:35.620 I went there every Saturday, but I lived in, like, near North East London.
00:04:41.580 And I had to travel all the way to near Hayes.
00:04:45.660 It was a long journey.
00:04:47.260 And then what happened is when I started working for Uber and I had some debts for other personal reasons.
00:04:53.860 And what happened is it was becoming hard because Saturdays is the days Uber drivers know that, you know,
00:04:58.760 that's where you make the most money, Friday, Saturday and Thursday, you know.
00:05:01.680 So, it became hard.
00:05:03.040 So, that got in the way and that hurt me because I had a routine and I was happy.
00:05:06.500 But now, I have, what am I going to do?
00:05:08.400 Pay my debts or do the Quran? 0.96
00:05:10.700 I didn't know, you know.
00:05:11.880 I said, I have to, you know.
00:05:12.920 There's people that owe money.
00:05:14.340 So, I had to not go Saturdays.
00:05:17.040 That affected me because I was like, oh, man, finally, I thought.
00:05:20.060 You know, when you have this hope, it's a bit like, it reminded me a bit like my marriage documentary.
00:05:23.900 When I was looking to get married and I would have meetings over meetings and it was not happening and it was not happening.
00:05:27.460 It just gets to you.
00:05:28.080 Those of you guys, when you start watching the documentary, you yourself would know, it just gets annoying.
00:05:32.400 Being like, you know, is this the one?
00:05:34.100 Yeah, finally, no, it's not working out.
00:05:35.940 Again, back to square one.
00:05:37.460 It really gets to you.
00:05:39.100 And I set myself a deadline.
00:05:41.080 I said, by this deadline, I would make dua a lot.
00:05:43.280 I would say, Allah, please give me a way out.
00:05:44.800 Give me a way that I can learn your kalam, your book, you know.
00:05:49.900 And I would make lots of dua.
00:05:51.400 And sometimes, obviously, when we make dua, we want immediate changes.
00:05:53.320 Like, you want Allah to, we think in our head, like Allah sends a light and then all of a sudden I start memorizing Quran on top of my head.
00:05:58.880 It doesn't work like that.
00:06:00.000 Allah answers dua in different ways, in mysterious ways.
00:06:03.580 You know, and that's why Allah says, if you fear me, I'll give you a way out from places you can never imagine.
00:06:06.720 I've lived that through my life.
00:06:07.760 So, obviously, I was feeling frustrated, et cetera, doing uba.
00:06:12.360 And I said to myself, you know what, if by a certain amount of time, if I don't somehow manage to find somehow a way to learn the Quran, I'm leaving the dawah.
00:06:22.200 I said, I'm just leaving it because within myself, I don't feel right.
00:06:25.580 How could I not know the kalam of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and go out there and preach?
00:06:29.560 Now, this could be argued.
00:06:30.740 Someone could say, okay, look, you should learn.
00:06:32.600 You're willing to learn.
00:06:33.320 It's not like you're not wanting to learn.
00:06:35.180 You understand basic dawah, answering, et cetera.
00:06:37.980 You know tawheed.
00:06:39.120 You know the basic fundamentals of tawheed, et cetera.
00:06:41.820 It wasn't a reason, you know.
00:06:43.160 My teachers would tell me, look, it's not a reason.
00:06:45.420 You want to, et cetera.
00:06:47.380 So, obviously, I went through a lot of methods.
00:06:49.520 And at one point, I just came.
00:06:51.060 And I think this is like, it's like Allah's sunnah.
00:06:53.040 It's like when you just have that.
00:06:54.840 You just totally lose that hope.
00:06:56.360 And you're like, okay, I'm just going to leave the dawah. 0.95
00:06:58.660 Or anything, whatever it may be, that Allah just, things just change.
00:07:02.980 Very drastic.
00:07:03.660 This happened a lot.
00:07:04.880 So, I was at this point where I said, you know, I'm leaving the dawah.
00:07:07.360 I can't, I can't carry on.
00:07:09.960 I just, I just feel, I just do not feel right.
00:07:11.800 It's just a personal opinion.
00:07:13.520 And alhamdulillah, all praises belong to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
00:07:16.280 Brother Sufyan, may Allah bless him.
00:07:17.820 He was doing, studying.
00:07:19.380 He was studying with a Quran teacher.
00:07:21.720 Online, on Zoom.
00:07:23.280 And he just said to me, bro, you know, like if you want, I can recommend it to you, et cetera.
00:07:27.060 And I said, okay, bro, I can try it, you know.
00:07:30.720 And then I thought, I just thought, okay, let me just try it.
00:07:32.700 Let's see what happens.
00:07:33.400 You know, I'm not feeling optimistic.
00:07:34.980 I was like, okay, let's try it.
00:07:36.520 I was thinking, how's that the same, man?
00:07:38.600 I want it more like in person.
00:07:40.080 Do you get what I'm trying to say?
00:07:40.920 So, I thought I'd have to go with this option.
00:07:42.320 So, alhamdulillah, I started on Zoom.
00:07:44.360 Now, the thing is, brothers and sisters, if you want to do something, you will not give up.
00:07:48.680 And if you want to do it, Allah will give you a way out.
00:07:51.120 You just know why you want to do it.
00:07:52.960 Two things.
00:07:53.960 Why and how.
00:07:54.940 You acknowledge and understand and figure out why you want to do it.
00:07:58.420 As long as you acknowledge why you want to do it and it's according to the Quran and Sunnah,
00:08:02.000 and your intentions are right, leave the how you're going to do it to Allah.
00:08:05.640 And that's exactly what happened.
00:08:06.680 In my journey, alhamdulillah, my teacher, Sheikh Hamzawi, Mohammed Hamzawi, who's in Egypt.
00:08:12.680 And I started Quran lessons with him every week.
00:08:15.760 And alhamdulillah, you guys supported Salam.
00:08:17.780 And that would obviously, alhamdulillah, go to my personal development, which is the Quran.
00:08:22.140 So, alhamdulillah, now I do like 24 hours a month, 6 hours a week with my Quran teacher.
00:08:29.520 And it worked so well for me because it fits in my busy schedule.
00:08:33.380 So, I'll have a time frame.
00:08:34.160 So, if I'm doing Uber or something comes up, I can just say,
00:08:36.820 Sheikh, today is 10 a.m. in the morning, but can we do it at 9 p.m.?
00:08:42.120 Sure.
00:08:42.420 He fitted so perfectly into my lifestyle that when I'm doing Uber and it's gone a bit dead between certain times,
00:08:49.140 I could just tell Sheikh, like, Sheikh, can we do it between this time?
00:08:51.920 Yep, perfect.
00:08:52.980 It worked so well, so perfect that I never thought in a million years that while I'm doing Uber,
00:08:58.680 I'm going to have a teacher.
00:08:59.960 I thought, how would that be possible?
00:09:01.180 How am I going to find a teacher that fits in my schedule?
00:09:05.220 But you see, when you want to do something and your intentions are right, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will provide. 0.98
00:09:09.420 And from there onwards, alhamdulillah, obviously I didn't leave the dawah.
00:09:12.600 And now, alhamdulillah, today I was at Prophet Zeeshan's house, I visited him.
00:09:17.320 While I was reciting the Quran, doing my class, he decided to record me.
00:09:20.500 So, alhamdulillah, now I'm more fluent in reading the Quran.
00:09:23.040 And something that I never imagined, you know, something that I never imagined.
00:09:25.980 And my teacher is someone that is so jolly, like, he makes me want to learn.
00:09:29.640 Like, we have this relationship.
00:09:30.620 It's not just like my, it's like teacher-student relationship.
00:09:33.680 We make jokes, you know, sometimes if I flop somewhere, he'll laugh at me, etc.
00:09:37.880 But one thing he said to me, he said, look, look where you was before.
00:09:40.860 Alhamdulillah, I thought to myself, you know what, I'm never going to get to,
00:09:44.380 I thought to myself, nah, I don't think I'll ever, Arabic was so hard.
00:09:48.080 I thought, nah, how am I going to know?
00:09:49.120 And there was all these tajweed rules, and I was thinking, bruv, there's no way I can do this.
00:09:54.380 Like, how am I going to remember all this?
00:09:56.600 But subhanAllah, the way he taught me, at the end of it, what he would do is,
00:10:01.060 he would give me droplets, so he would make me, I would recite the Quran,
00:10:04.440 then he would say, okay, this is ishar, this is ikhfa, you know, this is mad lazim,
00:10:09.520 this is this, and these terminologies, and then as I'm going through,
00:10:12.320 and I'm thinking, rah, bruv, I know these now.
00:10:14.540 And at one point, I realized to myself, I'm reading, and he's not correcting me as much.
00:10:18.300 Like, I will go on for, like, an hour lesson, he'll correct me four times,
00:10:22.160 and then I realized he used such a method, that now, alhamdulillah, I finished the Quran, 0.93
00:10:27.200 not memorized, even though I do memorize as well,
00:10:29.680 finished the Quran from Surah Nas to Surah Baqar, and now we're reading it back up,
00:10:32.980 and my intention is, inshallah, to carry on doing that till the day I die.
00:10:37.200 Inshallah.
00:10:37.600 And I just wanted to share this reminder with you guys, because it had a drastic effect on me,
00:10:42.060 and I was nearly giving up, but alhamdulillah, making dua, and being firm, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala answered,
00:10:47.340 and whatever goals you have, as long as it's good, it's halal, it's for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,
00:10:52.520 do not give up, carry on.
00:10:55.060 Allah is testing you, yes, Allah will test you in everything, be it reading the Quran. 0.98
00:10:59.480 So I thought I'd share this reminder with you guys, brothers and sisters,
00:11:01.680 do not ever give up, carry on, always, and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will give you a way out,
00:11:06.460 and if I did not go through those struggles and those tests,
00:11:09.200 I may have not appreciate what I have today as much.
00:11:12.900 Barakallahu feekum, may Allah bless you guys for listening,
00:11:17.220 assalamualaikum, wa rahmatullahi barakatuh,
00:11:19.480 leave your comments in the section below, if you have your own story,
00:11:23.060 till next time, assalamualaikum, make dua,
00:11:25.940 that inshallah, I will memorize the whole entire Quran,
00:11:28.360 one day.
00:11:30.020 And for those who wanted me to leave Dawa, I'm sorry, I'm here.