Ali Dawah - October 04, 2023SHE CALLS ME TO TAKE HER HIJAB OFF & THIS HAPPENED
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
186.94127
Summary
In this episode, I talk to a sister who shares her experience with the hijab and how she dealt with it. She shares her story and gives some tips on how to deal with it so that you can be more comfortable in wearing the hijab.
Transcript
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When I decided to wear the hijab, I was really happy that I finally took that decision.
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But after just two weeks of wearing it, I started to really hate it.
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IslamNet is raising funds to establish a masjid and community center in Norway,
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because every person that comes a step closer to Allah through your donation,
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So, assalamu alaikum, brothers and sisters and dear friends.
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So, I've got a sister here who's messaged me on Instagram.
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I get a lot of these messages from sisters and brothers pertaining to certain stuff that they go through.
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And her story really touched me, and I believe it's a growing problem.
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So, I thought, you know what, I asked her if she'll be comfortable,
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that we can talk about this, because I think this is something that affects a lot of sisters,
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a lot of women, especially in the West and also in the Muslim world.
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So, we're going to get straight into it, inshallah.
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I'm not going to mention the sister's name, but assalamu alaikum, sister.
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May Allah bless you, inshallah, for having me on here.
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So, in a nutshell, tell me a little bit about your story
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and the problem that you're facing pertaining to, if I'm not mistaken, wearing a hijab?
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Please, yes, tell me, inshallah, so we can see how we can help.
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I do all of the five pillars of Islam, except that I have never went to Hajj.
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I just wore the hijab just recently, two months ago, because I fear Allah.
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And that feeling started to happen since the pandemic.
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I've realized that death would come any minute.
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So, when I decided to wear the hijab, I was really happy that I finally took that decision.
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But after just two weeks of wearing it, I started to really hate it.
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And that led me to feel somehow depressed and not passionate about life.
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And sometimes I cry because, like, I'm in a struggle.
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Like, I don't like the hijab, but at the same time, I need to wear it because Allah ordered me to wear it.
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Like, I would relate that to hijab because I've never felt like this before.
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However, there were two times where I had a breakdown.
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And that led my family to tell me, all right, you need to delay the hijab a bit until you feel better.
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And once you feel better, you can wear it again.
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But I felt like if I remove it, maybe I would never wear it again.
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So, I kept wearing the hijab even though of all of the hardships I went through during the past two months.
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I'm watching many videos about the purpose of it and why Allah ordered us to wear it.
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Like, during the day, I think about it like each hour, it's that much.
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And the thing is, I'm okay about dressing in modesty.
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Long sleeves, covered fully, baggy clothes, not wearing any makeup.
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It's just, for me, it's a big change that I'm not used to.
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Recently, I started to avoid going out because whenever I go, like, I would put the hijab.
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And, yeah, yeah, it's just making me feel really, really bad.
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Sometimes I feel like regretting about wearing it.
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And I don't know why, even though it was not, no one forced me to do that.
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But I do feel, I regret the time that I decided to wear the hijab because how I feel recently.
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And I want to have an advice to accept hijab and to stop this thinking about it badly.
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I want you to advise me, like, to give me some steps.
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And I would follow these steps in order to just forget about it and love it somehow.
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Before I start, I want to praise Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, the most merciful, the most trust, or praise His glory and gratitude belong to Him.
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You know, sister, just hearing from your story, the reason why I wanted to do this, like, record it,
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because there's so many women in your position.
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Number one, first thing you need to acknowledge, you are not the only one feeling like this.
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Not just Muslim men, there's also non-Muslim women, and even Muslim men.
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For example, for me, when I first came to Islam, I said to myself, waking up for Fajr, I dislike it.
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Now, hating it, you need to understand because there's hating a hukum, what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said,
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So when you're saying you hate it, I know what you mean, in the sense of that it is hard.
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And look, you need to understand this is normal.
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You don't hate it in the sense of what Allah legislated.
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So one thing you need to understand, sister, is that, as you know, that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has created Jannah and Naar, hellfire.
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And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, of course, is going to test us.
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A lot of people forget that we are in this life as a test.
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Sometimes we think to ourselves that if we do what Allah legislated us to do, it will be just easy.
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When Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala legislates us to do certain things, there's going to be hardships.
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Because Allah says in the Quran, don't say you're going to say, I believe and not be tested.
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When somebody says, you know what, I had girlfriends or boyfriends before and I want to leave this.
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They think that because you are pursuing halal, halal is going to be easy.
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Because number one, like you said before, and modesty is not just a hijab on the head.
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There are women who wear the hijab, they wear tight clothes.
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There are women who have baggy clothes, don't wear the hijab.
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And there are those who wear the hijab correctly, top and bottom.
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And then there are those who wear the hijab, the top and bottom, but their tongue is foul.
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So hijab is something that applies to men and women.
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And the way we conduct ourselves, the way we speak, the hijab, the outer garment, etc.
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But that's why Allah says in the Quran that we have sent clothing to cover yourselves, but the clothing of taqwa.
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Allah talks about the clothing of taqwa, which is something that is, it's something deeper.
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So to me, sister, firstly, I want to understand your family dynamics.
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Does your mom wear hijab, or your sisters, or your family members?
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Yes, my mother wears hijab, but not my older sisters.
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If you don't mind asking, have you always been practicing, like praying?
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But I have never wore the hijab outside the home.
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And actually, since I was a kid, I would say I didn't like it much.
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But I didn't know that it's like, like I should wear it.
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So you know your friends that you have, do they wear hijab or they don't wear hijab?
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So you need to understand, firstly, your surroundings are going to have an impact on you.
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The people that you're around, and I'm not saying they are necessarily bad.
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What I'm just saying is that they are going to have an impact on you.
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So, for example, if I have a group of friends that have a certain specific way of lifestyle, they have a certain lifestyle, like it or not, they are going to affect me one way or another.
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Number one is very important for you to understand that you make sure you are around people who are, that you can relate with.
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Secondly, the society that you live in, because you said to me that, for example, you would look at your old pictures and you would cry.
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When you say you would cry, what do you cry about?
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So when you look at your old pictures, is it, oh my gosh, look how beautiful I look, or look how good I look in my hair.
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I would say, first, I would relate like I was happier.
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So, like recently, I've avoided looking at my old pictures and I compare like myself wearing the hijab and my old pictures without the hijab.
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So you see here, what's happening, sister, there's a book called, it's in English, it's called Beauty Sick.
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I talk about this, it's, if you can buy it or even I can send you it as a gift, inshallah.
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This talks about, this is written by a non-Muslim woman.
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So she talks about the pandemic of sickness of beauty amongst women.
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Now, a lot of times, sister, we think that, for example, that sometimes sisters come and say, I choose to wear the hijab.
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Okay, so I don't believe this concept and I'll tell you why.
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Of course, we have the will, like free will, that choice.
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We believe in the qadr of Allah and we have free will to make decisions.
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So believe me, sister, the fact that you are taking this choice, you need to understand you believe in shaitan, right?
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Now, shaitan does not want you to do things that are pleasing to Allah.
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So the fact that you are having these thoughts and feeling this way, to me, is glad tidings.
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I will be shocked and surprised if you said to me, I wear the hijab and I don't feel anything.
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The shaitan will never rob a house that is empty.
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So when he's looking at you, he's seeing that you pray your salah.
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And now you're taking it to the next level by wearing the hijab.
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So in his head, he's going to try to attack you.
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And when you look at your old pictures, he's going to give you wasa-wasa.
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By the way, if you don't mind me asking, sister, are you married or not married?
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Do you think that this makes you feel as if your chances of getting married is lessened?
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Do you feel like wearing the hijab, I'm less likely to find somebody because I don't look as beautiful?
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Maybe, but I always thought that because I see myself like without hijab, and I used to be without hijab, I see myself like I could prove somehow myself better, like in workplace or talking to people in general, even to friends.
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Like, whether it's a potential husband or not, I feel like all of the people around me, I would be better without hijab.
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The people that you're around from your workplace to your colleagues, friends, et cetera, they don't wear hijab?
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Because they're coming to the workplace and they're wearing hijab.
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Like, do you not see them as like a form of support or how do you see them?
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Yeah, I used to actually envy, envy those ladies who wears the hijab because like they are doing what Allah ordered us.
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But I never thought that I would have hardships wearing it.
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Like, I would say, oh, it's really great that she is wearing hijab.
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But I never thought when I wear it, I will have all of these hardships.
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So, first thing we need to understand is this, sister, yeah?
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Do you accept that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has created the heavens and the earth, the whole universe?
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Would you agree that it is not impossible for Allah to help and aid you to carry on wearing the hijab?
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So, do you accept that for Allah, it is not impossible to help you in keeping the hijab on?
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Now, what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala does sometimes is he wants to see the effort of the servant.
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It is not impossible for Allah to make you keep the hijab on forcefully.
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But Allah, what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala does is he likes to see how much effort you are going to put in.
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How you're feeling of not feeling maybe beautiful enough, etc.
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How you feel maybe shaitan comes and says how you look in front of your colleagues or a potential husband, etc.
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These are shaitan coming and telling you as if these things are in your hands.
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For example, he makes you feel as if to find the husband, you have to look a certain way.
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That even if you was wearing a niqab, your face is closed, yeah?
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And even if you didn't come outside of your house, we say Allah will send you a husband to your door.
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So, who is in control of finding you a husband or who is in control of these other factors?
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So, what happens sometimes is, sister, shaitan comes to us and makes us think we are in control.
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So, that's the reason why a lot of Muslim women and non-Muslim women, the reason they dress up in a certain way,
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where some of them wear tight clothes or mini skirts or they beautify themselves,
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they get their lips done, they get their ears done, they get their nose done,
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they get their eyes down, their eyebrows done, their hair done, everything done.
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Because they think to find a husband or to find someone or for men to approach me in a halal way
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they think I have to do all of this so I can find a person.
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We say, of course, it's good to look after yourself, brush your teeth, groom your hair,
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But to think that by doing these things that I would have a more likely chance of finding somebody,
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We say that if somebody observes taqwa, if somebody is holding to the legislation of Allah,
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if somebody fights, for example, you are now in a form of jihad,
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because you are fighting your inner desires to not take the hijab off.
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Your family, obviously, because they care about you, they've said, you know, maybe to you, you know, get used to a bit.
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But what you're doing is you are in a state of jihad against shaitan right now, an outright jihad.
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And you, I believe, are winning this war because you could have taken it off.
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You could have said, you know what, this is getting too much.
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All I will say to you, sister, is the following.
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Because the thing is, I really, like, I have this thought that will that be lasting, like, one year or two years?
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I'm scared that it will be developed more, like, that feeling, bad feelings about hijab.
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I'm scared it will develop more and I will have more bad feelings about it after one year or two years.
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The thing is, I don't mind going out without makeup, wearing baggy clothes.
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It's just, the headscarf, I don't feel like myself anymore.
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Okay, so, okay, the reason why you don't feel like yourself is because you're getting closer to Allah.
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In the sense, you need to understand, you are now, your level, you need to understand, sister,
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there's different people in different darajah, in the sight of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
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You are now turning your back to the dunyawi stuff and to the materialistic stuff
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So therefore, you are now more of an enemy to shaitan.
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Because before, you know, you will say, not I'm saying those who don't wear it are bad,
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but at the end of the day, Allah has commanded the Muslim woman to wear the hijab.
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So I will say, number one, do you do your adhkar?
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Okay, adhkar is very important, sister, because it protects you from waswasa.
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Right now, I think the main thing here is waswasa.
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And you are looking at old pictures and shaitan is giving you waswasa of, you know,
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the opportunities you're going to miss, this, that, etc.
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You need to understand though that on the Yawm al-Qiyamah, that when you do wear the hijab,
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that at the end of the day, it's going to be one less thing that you'll be questioned about.
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And the thing is, you are putting the effort in like we all are in different ways.
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Waking up for, missing fajr is a bigger sin than you not wearing the hijab.
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I realized when you put the effort in, like for example, you look at Maryam alayhi salam,
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yeah, like a male of mercy on her, yeah, that she, when she was given birth, she needed food.
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And Allah tells us in the Quran that she had to shake the palm tree.
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Okay, why does, why does she need to shake the palm tree?
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It's very, I don't think a woman or even a man for that matter, can shake a palm tree.
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But the point Allah is showing to us here is what?
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You, if you fear Allah, Allah says in the Quran in Surah Talaq,
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if you fear me, I will give you a way out from places you can never imagine.
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It's not that she could shake it, but she put the effort in.
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Allah saw the effort and Allah gave her the food to eat.
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Musa alayhi salam didn't have to hit the sea with his stick, his staff, yeah?
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He didn't have to hit it, but he has to do the action.
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You do the action and you put your trust in Allah.
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Now, you are in a state of fearing Allah because you want to please Allah because,
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It is impossible that Allah will burden you more than you can bear.
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Allah has said clearly, we will never burden a soul more than it can bear.
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There are factors that you have you need to take out.
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Number one, friends that make you feel that you're wearing the hijab, for example,
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or you've even been around them, seeing them with their hair out, it's a fitna for you.
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You've seen them showing their hair and you can't.
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I would say it might be hard, but my sister, you come first.
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Allah says in the Quran, save yourself and your families.
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So, if it means that this friend, if this friend is supportive, that's fine.
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Number two, you need to understand that the society has a role in your decision-making factors.
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Do you really believe, sister, that the Western women and even some Muslim women for this matter,
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do you think they want to go and put injection in their lips in pain and make their lips bigger?
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Do you think they want to do this or they have no choice but to do this?
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There are women who go and get implants in different parts of their body.
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My dear sister, why would anybody in their right mind go to these levels of causing pain to their self?
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Society has pressurized them and made them feel ugly.
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That's the reason why sisters feel upset and they cry.
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Because they feel, I look less beautiful or I won't get the opportunities.
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If you look at it, Allah says in the Quran, have you seen the one who has multiple masters?
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So when I talk about multiple masters, the beauty industry, the opposite gender, your friends, peer pressure, family.
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These are things that you, it's in the back of your mind, which is making you feel ugly.
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But the reason why you're going through this is because of this.
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If you lived amongst every woman, if every woman was wearing the hijab, every woman,
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Because it's become the abnorm today when you go out.
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And not only that, these women, they wear their hair, hair discolor, eyebrows, everything is done.
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So in your head, you're thinking, and I know for women, women like it's in their fitrah,
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So that's why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is testing the woman.
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Because her beauty, Allah is testing them by telling them to cover up.
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And for us men, Allah tests us because Allah knows we're visual creatures.
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And Allah tests us by lowering our gaze, telling us to lower our gaze.
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So I would say, this will not carry on forever.
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Believe me, the tests have gone very, very, like, to the point of breaking.
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One thing that I will tell you is that never, ever will Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala let you down.
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So, like, azkar would make me feel, like, better.
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Like, what should I do to make me feel better, like, wearing the hijab?
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So, one thing that I will say is, your azkar is very important.
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Because your azkar protects you against evil eye, magic, waswasa.
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And there was a man that came to the Prophet ï·º.
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I think about things about Allah that I would rather drop from the sky and be eaten by birds.
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Like, you know you say you have bad thoughts about hijab.
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This man, this companion Hussein, he has evil thoughts about Allah and his messenger.
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The Prophet ï·º said, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.
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He said, for the plot of shaitan has dropped to nothing but waswasa.
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Meaning, the shaitan is trying to stop you from praying.
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And now he's looking and saying, this woman, not only that, now she's wearing the hijab.
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Look how beautiful he looked in the old pictures.
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So, sister, it's not going to carry on forever.
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But you need to say to yourself that this hijab I'm wearing is a form of jihad and I am doing it for the sake of Allah.
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And I am not going to take it off whatever happens.
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When Ibrahim a.s., do you remember he had to do a sacrifice?
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Not, yes, Allah, yes, there was a commandment that he's going to sacrifice his son.
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But before that, for example, when you decided to wear the hijab, the first sacrifice was not wearing the hijab, but rather the first sacrifice was what?
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That I submit my will and I'm going to wear the hijab.
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Then the second sacrifice was actually putting the hijab on.
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If you don't internally do the sacrifice, you can't externally do the sacrifice.
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So for you, you internally said, I am going to do this for the sake of Allah.
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Then you took action like Ibrahim a.s. took action by trying to slaughter his son, yes?
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Do you know what kind of fitna that is to slaughter your son?
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What do you think Allah is going to do when Ibrahim a.s. was ordered to do something?
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And even though it was the hardest thing to do, he went to do it.
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Allah replaced it with something, which was an animal.
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What do you think Allah is going to do when you are sacrificing this and you are adamant
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I don't care if the entire globe comes against me.
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I am going to stand in front of Allah on your Qiyamah and say, this hijab, O Allah, I put
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it and kept it on for no one but your sake alone.
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And when you do that, sister, and when you internalize it and you have your good days and
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you have your bad days, but ask aid from Allah.
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Anytime you get evil thought, ask Allah, Allah will never let you down, sister.
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And believe me, believe me, trust me, my dear sister, it doesn't matter how you look.
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Allah will aid you in your work, to your marriage, to everything.
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Believe me, once you put Allah first and you sacrifice the dunya for him, Allah, believe
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me, I'm telling you as a witness, a live example, I've been a Muslim for 10 years.
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And while Allah has given me things, I cannot even, I cannot begin to tell you.
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My family kicked me, my father kicked me out of the house.
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I got slapped, you know, my community called me all kinds of stuff.
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But wallahi, when you stick true to Allah, Allah will give you a way out.
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And wallahi, the very family members, some of them come to Islam from my side, yeah.
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And believe me, and I look back and say, I could have easily come and say, you know what,
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You know, my mom was always supportive, but the family, this, that, the community, the West, da, da, da, da.
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And when you do that, sister, Allah makes you taste the sweetness of Iman.
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So I would say, it's what you're going through is normal.
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Allah wants to see how much you genuinely want to do this.
00:28:55.800
And the moment, the moment you feel weak, ask Allah to aid you.
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I'm telling you, Allah is going to make this easy for you.
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Anytime you feel like something in your heart, whatever, cry to Allah.
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Cry to your Lord and say, Oh Allah, aid me and help me against the plot of shaitan.
00:29:21.320
Allah says in the Quran, and take him as an enemy, sister.
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Because on your maqiyamah, he will come and he will say, I did not do nothing but call you.
00:29:31.500
So, therefore, sister, imagine, you're going to wear this hijab for what?
00:29:35.960
Another 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 25 years, 30 years.
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The fact that you're going to stand in front of Allah.
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This hijab, the hijab that you wear, might be the reason why Allah says, Enter Jannah.
00:29:54.640
But because of this sacrifice, this hijab might be the reason you enter Jannah.
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I will get you in contact with some sisters that you can talk.
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And wallahi, I promise you that Inshallah, Inshallah, Allah will give you a way out.
00:30:19.480
So, like, during this period, is it okay if I had a feeling like some sort of regret?
00:30:30.100
Because, yeah, yeah, look, sister, look, look, these things, understand.
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I know shaitan makes you like, look at you, you regret it, you hate, all wasa wasa, sister.
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I don't care what, any kind of thought comes to your head.
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Believe me, you know these thoughts, they are not you.
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You know these thoughts, I hate, I regret, I should or not, why did I do it?
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Just know that when these thoughts come, you need to acknowledge this is not coming from you.
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So, someone who loves Allah's Messenger will never come and say, I regret, I hate.
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So, don't think this is from you and hate yourself.
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And what about the days that I wasn't wearing a hijab?
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Not only forgiven, the Prophet ï·º told us, they will be turned into good deeds.
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If you sincerely repented all of the time that you didn't wear the hijab, we say that your bad deeds are turned into good deeds.
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And you've changed and you're wearing the hijab now.
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And wallahi, let me tell you, sister, wallahi, believe me, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will turn them all into good deeds.
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So, ignore the shaitan and, you know, oh, but your pictures are still there.
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Even if I love those days, like when I remember...
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Sometimes, I look back and I was like, oh, it was so fun.
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you are symbolizing that you are a Muslim woman.
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I don't think I could do what you guys are doing.
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there's non-Muslim men who have bigger beard than me.
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you are carrying the ayah of the Quran on your head.
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You are carrying the ayah of the Quran on your head.
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against the evil plots of shaitan and its waswasa.
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You know, may Allah grant you a righteous husband.
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Alhamdulillah, may Allah give you ease in your work,
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that other family members start wearing the hijab
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Maybe you're the reason why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:34:59.340
I'm going to get you in contact with some sisters
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And your jihad is going to be successful, inshallah.
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I will send you this video, inshallah, after this.
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But yes, wallahi, the reason I've done this, sister,
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with your permission, inshallah, if you allow us,
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And Allah says, we will test you with also fear.
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This anxiety that you're getting is a test from Allah.