Ali Dawah - April 29, 2021


SHOULD FAMILY BE INVOLVED WHEN MARRYING？ - REACTION VIDEO


Episode Stats

Length

13 minutes

Words per Minute

207.32344

Word Count

2,780

Sentence Count

134

Misogynist Sentences

14

Hate Speech Sentences

9


Summary

In this episode, we have a discussion on how long should it take to get married before introducing family and friends to a new partner. Is it too early to introduce family before getting married? Is there a time frame that should be set for when a couple should get married?


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Guys, before the video starts, I'm trying to raise 300,000 meals for 1,000 families in Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, Bangladesh, brothers and sisters, inshallah.
00:00:07.380 Help us feed them this Ramadan to open and break their fast.
00:00:10.700 I bet I'm just about getting to know her. I'd rather get to know her in marriage as well.
00:00:14.900 But if she's got to know her my uncle, my auntie, my grandma, my grandmother...
00:00:18.000 Okay, you want to get to know her just about...
00:00:23.720 You're just about to get to know her and you want to get to know her more in marriage, but you don't want to introduce her to your family.
00:00:27.540 You've just... You're in the losing end. In all angles.
00:00:32.540 And that's why your hearts get broken. And this happens to men as well.
00:00:35.760 Sisters and brothers sitting in this gathering is free mixing.
00:00:38.720 And sisters might think, no harm. Because sisters doesn't... They don't see the psychology where I'm coming from.
00:00:44.400 I bet you, any money, and I'll dare anybody to come and tell me otherwise.
00:00:50.000 Why do I have to make them meet my family? Why do I have to make them meet their friends or whatever?
00:00:54.300 There's so much pressure with that anyway. I'm very different on it.
00:00:58.180 Check out our sponsors, Nature's Blends.
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00:01:13.360 Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, brothers and sisters and dear friends.
00:01:16.200 Today I'll be reacting to a discussion amongst four people.
00:01:18.860 Two brothers and two sisters.
00:01:20.160 They're having a genuine discussion about marriage and dating before marriage.
00:01:23.540 And introducing family and all other factors.
00:01:26.280 I wanted to react to this because as you guys know, I'm working on an app which is going to be helping young people get married.
00:01:33.440 But it's not matrimony.
00:01:34.980 So hold on a second. It's not matrimony where people get married.
00:01:37.580 You're going to find out very soon, inshallah.
00:01:38.680 We've been working on that for the past two and a half years.
00:01:40.300 One of the reasons why the documentary is delayed.
00:01:42.320 But brothers and sisters, inshallah, it will be groundbreaking.
00:01:45.160 Because we saw a massive gap in the market.
00:01:47.260 Alhamdulillah, we've got amazing figures involved as well.
00:01:49.320 Which you're going to see, inshallah, more brothers and sisters to make this happen.
00:01:53.560 The app is, we can say done.
00:01:55.380 It's going to be tested soon, inshallah.
00:01:56.560 And then we're going to upload the content.
00:01:58.180 And you're going to have access to that.
00:01:59.700 And inshallah, it's going to change the way things work, inshallah.
00:02:03.460 Because you'll find out.
00:02:05.320 You'll find out.
00:02:05.700 This video is a very good reason for that app.
00:02:08.200 But anyways, let's get straight into it.
00:02:09.220 Here we go.
00:02:09.580 And let's see what they have to say.
00:02:11.620 How long would you wait to before you even get married?
00:02:14.440 Like, how long are you going to wait on that?
00:02:16.220 I think there should be a time frame.
00:02:17.780 There should be a time frame.
00:02:19.280 It depends on the individual case.
00:02:20.780 I'll just stop there.
00:02:21.800 There's most certainly there should be a time frame.
00:02:24.400 There definitely should be a time frame.
00:02:25.340 But let's understand where they're coming from, inshallah.
00:02:28.300 And that's very formal.
00:02:29.320 You're formalising marriage.
00:02:30.500 That's exactly what I'm saying.
00:02:31.400 I'm saying the moment you get like parents and family involved,
00:02:33.820 that pressure's already going to be there.
00:02:35.160 But when dating is it?
00:02:35.920 Just you and the other person.
00:02:37.220 Look, from there, it's Ramadan.
00:02:40.660 We need to assume the best, yeah.
00:02:41.780 But if I just stop that there of context,
00:02:45.080 maybe it does come across really wrong.
00:02:47.520 You know, it's just me and you, family, pressure.
00:02:50.720 Okay, what are we talking about here, brother?
00:02:52.080 Are we talking about a haram relationship?
00:02:53.420 What are we talking about?
00:02:54.280 But no, let's assume the best, inshallah.
00:02:56.100 Let's carry on.
00:02:56.960 But the statement there is a bit like,
00:02:58.440 oh, brother, tell me more.
00:02:59.400 What are you trying to say there?
00:03:00.140 Because, yeah.
00:03:01.520 Yeah, but hopefully it gets to a point of two marriage, isn't it?
00:03:06.800 I would be happy to marry someone without getting my family involved for a couple of years.
00:03:10.940 Once again, once again, it's, I'll assume the best,
00:03:15.800 because in the context, what he's trying to say is that as a man,
00:03:18.340 I'm assuming that he doesn't need to get the wally involved.
00:03:21.940 He doesn't need his wally there.
00:03:24.840 The female does.
00:03:26.100 But still again, it's like, why wouldn't you get your family involved?
00:03:27.960 It is alarm bells.
00:03:30.300 Like if somebody said that, if sister came to me and said there's a brother,
00:03:31.920 I'd be like, ooh, there's a bit of a, what's their reason behind that?
00:03:34.960 You know, but let's carry on.
00:03:37.100 Why does my family still get involved?
00:03:38.280 Nah, I don't think I can see.
00:03:39.800 That might be pushing it a bit.
00:03:41.780 No, because I bet I'm just about getting to know her.
00:03:45.140 I'd rather get to know her in marriage as well.
00:03:47.120 But if she's got to know my uncle, my auntie, my grandma, my grandmother.
00:03:50.220 Okay, you want to get to know her just about,
00:03:57.080 you're just about to get to know her and you want to get to know her more in marriage,
00:03:59.680 but you don't want to introduce it to your family.
00:04:01.680 Why?
00:04:02.340 Now, the thing is, once again, I'm just trying to,
00:04:05.500 there was advocate.
00:04:06.160 Somebody can come and say, why?
00:04:07.980 You know, because the thing is, the moment family is involved,
00:04:10.600 and this is what's really beautiful about Islam,
00:04:12.280 and this is what I found amazing in my marriage seeking process,
00:04:14.800 is that the reason your family is involved is because
00:04:18.000 if any party has wrong intentions,
00:04:20.520 there are consequences where family members have to answer to.
00:04:23.680 And that is the reason why the biggest con of dating
00:04:26.220 where females are sold into, not literally,
00:04:29.620 but if you think about it, is this concept of no wali,
00:04:34.040 no family involved, from his side or your side, yeah?
00:04:37.880 No mahr, there's no rights or financial rights, yeah?
00:04:42.400 You give him what he wants, yeah?
00:04:45.140 He has his own freedoms, he can do whatever he wants,
00:04:48.200 no consequences.
00:04:49.580 If he decides to say, I don't think this is working out,
00:04:52.940 and buy, you've just, you're losing in all angles,
00:04:58.580 and that's why your hearts get broken,
00:05:00.800 and this happens to men as well,
00:05:02.360 but what I'm trying to say is,
00:05:03.540 there's a lot more to lose as a female.
00:05:07.900 So getting family involved is fundamental,
00:05:11.020 and yeah, let's carry on, inshallah.
00:05:13.180 Why are you putting it to, like, build that relationship?
00:05:16.500 Shit, eventually she's going to be my mum.
00:05:20.460 Well, I'm like, I want to get to know,
00:05:22.500 and I think we made it a thing,
00:05:24.400 even us guys, we romanticised it a lot,
00:05:27.060 like, yeah, like, you get to meet families,
00:05:28.960 you come on, Christmas,
00:05:29.960 you get to meet that.
00:05:31.100 The thing is, it's not romanticised,
00:05:38.180 it's Islam.
00:05:39.040 This is what Islam is,
00:05:40.320 to introduce families,
00:05:41.220 to announce it.
00:05:42.680 If you're thinking of a haram relationship,
00:05:43.740 you're not announcing it.
00:05:45.200 In a halal marriage,
00:05:46.260 you have to announce it.
00:05:47.300 People need to know,
00:05:48.660 you know,
00:05:49.380 which is very, very important.
00:05:52.560 And one thing that I need to bear in mind,
00:05:53.660 and I need to make a disclaimer,
00:05:55.200 look,
00:05:55.740 I'm not here with these kind of things,
00:05:57.280 to have a go at people, yeah?
00:05:58.880 I wanted to react to this video,
00:06:00.280 because I found genuinely beneficial things.
00:06:02.260 However,
00:06:02.660 we need to bear something in mind.
00:06:04.620 These sisters and brothers,
00:06:05.520 sitting in this gathering,
00:06:06.780 is free mixing.
00:06:07.940 Now, free mixing,
00:06:08.680 it'll be like,
00:06:09.000 ah,
00:06:09.920 here we go again.
00:06:11.300 I have to be real.
00:06:12.860 I'm a man.
00:06:14.340 I'm a man,
00:06:15.600 and sisters might think,
00:06:16.880 no harm,
00:06:17.480 because sisters doesn't,
00:06:18.240 they don't see the psychology,
00:06:20.180 where I'm coming from.
00:06:21.440 I bet you,
00:06:22.540 any money,
00:06:23.940 and I'll get anybody to come into,
00:06:25.360 tell me otherwise.
00:06:27.060 These shows,
00:06:28.060 or like,
00:06:28.720 shows in context where,
00:06:29.740 you know,
00:06:30.020 there's,
00:06:30.260 you need to bear in mind,
00:06:31.060 there's a lot of,
00:06:31.660 you know,
00:06:32.480 chitter chatter in the context,
00:06:33.480 joking,
00:06:33.900 emotions,
00:06:35.760 will be involved.
00:06:37.160 I promise,
00:06:38.660 I promise you,
00:06:40.500 that if they,
00:06:41.440 if they were to do this,
00:06:42.280 let's say,
00:06:42.800 continuously,
00:06:43.260 or like,
00:06:43.660 over a couple of months time,
00:06:44.800 where they're doing the show,
00:06:45.780 again,
00:06:46.220 and again,
00:06:46.540 and again,
00:06:47.260 trust me,
00:06:49.280 trust me,
00:06:51.000 yeah?
00:06:51.520 And trust Allah,
00:06:52.260 and his messenger,
00:06:52.780 yeah?
00:06:53.460 Is,
00:06:53.740 some kind of emotions
00:06:55.500 are going to get involved
00:06:56.380 one way or another.
00:06:57.520 If there's some kind of attraction,
00:06:59.060 you're going to see it.
00:07:00.520 You are going to sense it.
00:07:02.980 And that is the reason why,
00:07:04.340 my dear,
00:07:04.620 I'm not having a go at you guys,
00:07:06.120 please,
00:07:06.420 I'm not,
00:07:06.600 genuinely,
00:07:06.940 I'm not here to,
00:07:07.320 it's not like I've got enough business,
00:07:08.780 I've never got people.
00:07:10.100 Genuinely,
00:07:10.740 if you do do this,
00:07:12.080 emotions will be moved.
00:07:12.900 Now let's picture,
00:07:14.240 if all of these four people are married,
00:07:16.500 how would their couple,
00:07:18.340 their partners feel,
00:07:19.920 about the discussion they're having?
00:07:21.480 Now I'm not saying they're doing anything inappropriately,
00:07:23.460 but even,
00:07:24.540 if I was to know,
00:07:25.340 like my wife is there,
00:07:26.500 having a little giggle,
00:07:27.240 chat with her brother,
00:07:27.900 or,
00:07:30.220 if a sister's there and seeing her husband,
00:07:31.800 having a little giggle and chat with her brother,
00:07:33.600 even though it's,
00:07:34.520 like,
00:07:34.760 they're not saying nothing inappropriately,
00:07:36.380 the point is this guys,
00:07:37.820 this is,
00:07:39.060 the tool,
00:07:39.960 for shaitan,
00:07:40.700 to slowly plant that seed.
00:07:42.760 Right?
00:07:43.280 So I'm just letting you guys,
00:07:44.660 know,
00:07:45.100 that we should refrain,
00:07:46.720 that's just my advice,
00:07:47.540 take you on it,
00:07:47.920 I'm not having a go at anybody,
00:07:49.200 I'm just saying,
00:07:50.440 well let's carry on.
00:07:54.040 But I think,
00:07:54.780 like it's so important,
00:07:55.900 because it's like,
00:07:56.720 I think take a long,
00:07:57.900 in the most healthy way possible,
00:07:59.340 with that person,
00:08:00.400 that's what I've always said anyway.
00:08:02.920 Why do I have to,
00:08:03.800 why,
00:08:04.220 it's a weird concept,
00:08:05.000 why do I have to make them meet my family?
00:08:06.960 Why do I have to make them meet their friends,
00:08:08.700 or whatever,
00:08:09.100 like,
00:08:09.520 there's so much pressure with that anyway,
00:08:11.760 like,
00:08:11.860 I'm very different on it.
00:08:13.000 Yeah,
00:08:13.240 I think,
00:08:13.940 yeah,
00:08:14.480 it depends on the individual,
00:08:16.680 that's all it is.
00:08:17.340 For me,
00:08:17.560 my biggest thing,
00:08:18.280 even when I talk to people about,
00:08:19.820 like,
00:08:20.040 whatever it might be,
00:08:20.700 friends,
00:08:21.040 clients,
00:08:21.340 I'm like,
00:08:21.860 what's your views on it?
00:08:22.880 Like,
00:08:23.160 reclaim your own meaning,
00:08:24.360 like,
00:08:24.580 what does it mean,
00:08:25.380 truly to you,
00:08:25.940 for you to be happy,
00:08:26.760 for you to be healthy,
00:08:27.680 that's what life's about.
00:08:28.840 I don't think people reflect deeply.
00:08:31.160 Yeah,
00:08:31.440 I don't think people know that,
00:08:32.420 yeah.
00:08:32.620 What do you generally mean?
00:08:33.480 For someone that don't want to get my life,
00:08:34.520 do you think it's very simple?
00:08:35.500 So the thing is,
00:08:38.660 it's very,
00:08:39.180 very important,
00:08:39.940 in a marriage seeking process,
00:08:41.520 for family members to be involved.
00:08:43.140 It's fundamental and crucial,
00:08:44.780 because your family members,
00:08:46.600 are the one that know you the best.
00:08:48.780 It is fundamental.
00:08:50.360 That is the reason,
00:08:50.920 why we're working on the app,
00:08:52.280 you know,
00:08:52.440 because,
00:08:52.920 brothers and sisters,
00:08:53.440 you need to understand,
00:08:54.640 there are so much cons,
00:08:56.140 marrying the wrong person,
00:08:57.300 can be devastating.
00:08:59.580 Absolutely,
00:09:00.100 I know of stories,
00:09:01.240 horror stories,
00:09:02.140 which we cover in the documentary,
00:09:03.320 of people,
00:09:04.040 not seeing their kids,
00:09:05.160 not being allowed to see their kids.
00:09:07.100 Madness,
00:09:07.660 madness,
00:09:08.140 like the very person you marry,
00:09:09.520 the sister or the brother,
00:09:10.480 who's righteous,
00:09:11.120 Quran,
00:09:11.480 sunnah,
00:09:11.760 praying at night,
00:09:13.340 Qiyam,
00:09:13.820 Quran,
00:09:14.740 will turn,
00:09:15.640 and use the British law against you.
00:09:18.560 Yani,
00:09:18.680 things go very ugly,
00:09:20.740 so it's so fundamental for you,
00:09:22.860 to be very,
00:09:23.800 very wary,
00:09:24.420 to the person you're getting,
00:09:26.080 to know for marriage,
00:09:26.980 guys,
00:09:27.180 so fundamental.
00:09:29.000 Otherwise,
00:09:29.520 it costs so much.
00:09:30.600 That's why family members,
00:09:31.940 are the best people,
00:09:33.480 that know you.
00:09:34.460 I know my brother,
00:09:35.640 my brother knows me.
00:09:36.980 If it was my sister,
00:09:37.580 I know her,
00:09:38.360 you have to come to me,
00:09:39.560 bruv,
00:09:39.820 you have to,
00:09:40.480 and,
00:09:41.180 Islamically,
00:09:42.000 you need to know,
00:09:42.700 that it's not backbiting,
00:09:43.460 if I come and say to you,
00:09:44.040 you know my brother doesn't pray.
00:09:45.340 If I was to say that,
00:09:46.040 for example,
00:09:46.840 you know my brother,
00:09:47.940 or this,
00:09:48.300 that,
00:09:48.400 or my sister,
00:09:49.280 like this,
00:09:49.620 or she's got this,
00:09:50.300 or she's got anger problems.
00:09:51.480 I have to tell you that,
00:09:53.100 I can't ruin your life,
00:09:54.820 you know,
00:09:55.680 and me personally,
00:09:57.120 I had that experience,
00:09:58.920 and you're going to see it,
00:09:59.900 in the documentary,
00:10:00.760 I had that experience,
00:10:02.240 I went through hell,
00:10:04.160 hell,
00:10:05.080 on earth,
00:10:06.680 because I was warned,
00:10:09.120 and I didn't listen.
00:10:09.960 You're going to come,
00:10:10.580 you're going to find out,
00:10:11.740 but the point is this,
00:10:12.960 it's so fundamental,
00:10:13.820 to meet the family,
00:10:15.360 so crucial,
00:10:16.660 so let's not,
00:10:17.580 undermine that.
00:10:18.500 I feel like,
00:10:19.760 I think sometimes,
00:10:20.960 because again,
00:10:21.800 society pressures,
00:10:22.800 family,
00:10:23.840 cultural ideology,
00:10:24.820 it's almost like,
00:10:25.340 a trend nowadays,
00:10:26.240 like we need to get married.
00:10:28.140 We were saying,
00:10:28.700 it was punitive to get married,
00:10:29.660 but for some people,
00:10:30.140 it's the worst thing,
00:10:30.780 you could possibly do.
00:10:31.240 I think it drives us away.
00:10:33.100 I just,
00:10:33.860 marriage is very,
00:10:35.240 I think it's very individualistic,
00:10:36.980 man,
00:10:37.220 I don't think,
00:10:37.900 there's this whole like,
00:10:38.900 okay,
00:10:39.100 what about dating?
00:10:39.980 Okay,
00:10:40.280 what about dating?
00:10:41.000 Why don't you date someone,
00:10:41.920 until you make it?
00:10:43.240 Okay,
00:10:43.680 so some people to say,
00:10:44.640 like you said,
00:10:45.000 you know,
00:10:45.140 for some people,
00:10:45.540 it's the worst thing to do,
00:10:46.540 yeah,
00:10:47.400 it's very simple guys,
00:10:48.260 we're human beings,
00:10:49.180 we have,
00:10:49.960 we need a companion,
00:10:51.080 yeah,
00:10:51.260 that's what Adam,
00:10:51.760 Allah created,
00:10:53.360 Hawa,
00:10:54.120 so the reason why,
00:10:55.280 Allah created Hawa,
00:10:55.700 it's because we have that need,
00:10:56.920 in the context,
00:10:57.360 I'm not talking about just sexual,
00:10:58.360 I'm talking about someone,
00:10:59.180 to have a part of your life,
00:11:00.420 if you start a family,
00:11:01.240 this is something,
00:11:02.080 that is amazing,
00:11:02.880 which the society,
00:11:04.320 and I would say,
00:11:05.080 you know,
00:11:05.620 feminism,
00:11:06.460 or you know,
00:11:07.120 other ideologies,
00:11:07.860 have alienized,
00:11:09.540 in the context where,
00:11:10.680 oh no,
00:11:11.140 get a career,
00:11:11.760 etc,
00:11:12.660 it is,
00:11:13.240 there is nothing wrong,
00:11:14.300 to start a family,
00:11:14.860 so anybody that,
00:11:16.940 in their right state of mind,
00:11:18.740 especially men,
00:11:20.300 for them to feel like,
00:11:21.300 I'm not ready to get married,
00:11:22.780 in your 20s or 30s,
00:11:24.960 brother,
00:11:25.320 Omar ibn Khattab,
00:11:26.120 radiallahu alaihi wa sallam,
00:11:26.500 said there's a few options here,
00:11:27.980 you're either masturbating,
00:11:30.000 yeah,
00:11:30.940 you're either committing zina,
00:11:33.720 or I think he said,
00:11:34.360 there's something wrong with you,
00:11:35.940 I mean,
00:11:36.800 which other,
00:11:37.400 because this is,
00:11:38.820 marriage,
00:11:39.780 you,
00:11:40.540 it's like saying,
00:11:42.340 oh,
00:11:42.640 I can go without,
00:11:44.200 you know,
00:11:44.420 I don't know,
00:11:44.740 food,
00:11:45.620 or what can I say,
00:11:46.860 I don't know,
00:11:47.240 sleeping for,
00:11:48.400 it's so much where your body's going to say,
00:11:49.840 you need to sleep,
00:11:50.860 you need food,
00:11:52.380 I know there's a diet situation with death,
00:11:53.720 but I'm saying,
00:11:54.500 that you have to,
00:11:55.880 you would need to get married,
00:11:57.880 otherwise,
00:11:58.780 there's a question mark on you,
00:12:00.120 what are you doing bruv,
00:12:01.420 yeah,
00:12:01.880 I'm so sorry,
00:12:03.060 same goes with sisters,
00:12:03.860 what is the reason why,
00:12:05.960 what's stopping you,
00:12:08.000 is it that you already have something,
00:12:10.140 that you call marriage,
00:12:10.800 which is a haram relationship,
00:12:12.620 is that what's stopping you,
00:12:14.360 oh,
00:12:14.560 that's why you want to go uni,
00:12:15.620 and carry on,
00:12:16.080 etc,
00:12:16.520 especially with men,
00:12:17.240 they make excuses,
00:12:18.080 oh,
00:12:18.220 we're still young,
00:12:19.200 yeah,
00:12:19.380 we're still young,
00:12:20.160 let's see that girl,
00:12:20.880 that you have a haram relationship,
00:12:22.200 with you,
00:12:22.780 who does not let you,
00:12:24.020 touch her at all,
00:12:25.640 until you marry her,
00:12:26.780 then let me see how fast the process gets for you,
00:12:28.640 oh,
00:12:28.700 let's quickly get married,
00:12:29.400 and brothers and sisters,
00:12:30.980 like I said before,
00:12:31.740 I want you guys to inshallah be patient,
00:12:33.620 soon inshallah,
00:12:34.440 I'm going to be helping inshallah,
00:12:36.840 with the people of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,
00:12:38.200 young Muslims,
00:12:39.680 into the marriage seeking process,
00:12:41.440 for a happily ever akhirah,
00:12:42.880 do not forget what I just said,
00:12:44.080 those statements,
00:12:44.740 because you're going to hear that a lot,
00:12:45.920 we're preparing something massive,
00:12:47.680 and inshallah,
00:12:48.160 with the people of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,
00:12:49.220 my aim is to help people,
00:12:51.060 into the marriage seeking process,
00:12:52.600 and not go through the mistakes,
00:12:53.720 me and many other people made,
00:12:54.980 and our lives were nearly ruined,
00:12:56.680 till next time,
00:12:57.460 As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
00:13:00.740 how can we have so many devices,
00:13:03.060 with so many apps,
00:13:03.820 which help us monitor our progress,
00:13:05.400 for our body,
00:13:06.260 but none for the soul,
00:13:07.580 well the Qur'anly app,
00:13:08.600 is about to show you,
00:13:09.700 your progress with your soul,
00:13:11.440 yes that's correct,
00:13:12.620 not only does it encourage you to read,
00:13:14.200 it tells you how many verses you've read,
00:13:15.660 how many pages you read,
00:13:16.740 how long you've been on it,
00:13:17.720 and best of all,
00:13:18.440 the Hasana counter,
00:13:19.820 download the Qur'anly app now,
00:13:21.260 and have a Ramadan,
00:13:22.140 with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's book,
00:13:23.360 like you've never had before,