Ali Dawah

00:00:00.000 Should men get involved in household chores, I'm going to start off with Brother Mahdi, inshallah. 0.99

00:00:07.480 Isn't it also her duty to listen to us as men? To be obedient to us?

00:00:11.620 So do the damn dishes, man. Cook my dinner, man. What's this large thing? Do you know what I mean? 1.00

00:00:15.560 She is taking value away from me.

00:00:18.060 What if she's not?

00:00:19.120 She is. I'll explain to you how.

00:00:21.500 Firstly, as a man, it is your duty, Islamically, to provide...

00:00:28.940 It's like a woman coming to me and saying, like you said earlier, like, you know you've got to protect me if a man calls me a name on the street.

00:00:35.480 Exactly. Exactly.

00:00:37.140 I'll be offended without even saying that to me.

00:00:39.220 Exactly.

00:00:39.660 If I'm the sole breadwinner, okay, and my wife's at home, brother, I ain't lifting a finger. I don't even want to know where the sole is.

00:00:45.960 For example, if a woman has now had a baby, yeah, and you are working 40 hours a week, would you not help your wife around the house?

00:00:56.860 She's like, can you please help me with the dishes?

00:00:58.680 Yes, I would say to her, of course, I'll do the dishes. By the way, you got the rent this week.

00:01:02.060 You're taking the milk.

00:01:03.720 Okay, okay. Furthermore, if my 40 hours that I work per week covers everything in the household, okay, and you want to work, not only will I not be involved in the household chores,

00:01:16.420 I will expect you to contribute towards the household bills, homeless, and foodless.

00:01:21.940 Your duty is placed upon you from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. 0.99

00:01:25.580 Yes.

00:01:26.120 My duty, no, no, no, because in Islam, as a woman, we have rights. And if you want your house clean, hire me a maid. 1.00

00:01:34.760 I just can't see myself debating the woman that I've met, and I've now married her, and we're sitting down in the house after I've worked my arse off,

00:01:45.120 and I'm debating this woman saying, can you clean, please? 0.99

00:01:48.260 Like, this is why, look, let me be honest, this is the reason why I was double-minded about inviting you.

00:01:51.260 Let me be very honest here, we're men to men here, okay?

00:01:52.960 I agree with Sister Amina.

00:01:54.140 Yeah.

00:01:54.560 She said that you should marry, that you should hire a maid. 0.73

00:01:57.640 If you want me to clean, I agree. I'll hire the maid, and I'll marry the maid. 0.99

00:02:01.220 Oh, God.

00:02:04.760 Thank you.

00:02:34.760 Ask us a question. You're going through something in your marriage, a marriage crisis, whatever it may be.

00:02:37.820 You're looking to get married, you want to ask a question, we can maybe touch up on it, give you some nasir to the limits that we have.

00:02:44.260 Please use that email, inshallah.

00:02:46.560 Today's topic is, should men help in household chores?

00:02:51.960 And we're going to see how that goes.

00:02:53.820 And we might even add another topic in there, which is, should it be 50-50?

00:02:57.980 So when it comes to the contribution, be it the household chores or even providing.

00:03:03.420 So the bitter buzzers, as you guys know, which is that if you disagree with something a sister saying or brother to brother or sister to sister,

00:03:08.780 if you disagree, you just press the buzzer.

00:03:10.640 The person who's speaking, just finish their sentence, and you have one and a half minutes to say what you want to say.

00:03:15.680 That's what the bitter buzzers are for.

00:03:16.760 But make sure you press it because something bitter is coming out of your mouth, inshallah.

00:03:20.640 But obviously, respectfully, not in that way, yeah?

00:03:22.660 That's it.

00:03:23.200 So let's open it up, inshallah, the discussion.

00:03:26.600 Should men get involved in household chores? 1.00

00:03:29.480 I'm going to start off with brother Mahdi, inshallah.

00:03:33.860 So do you have one and a half minutes?

00:03:35.400 One second.

00:03:36.520 Just hearing you say, should men, my arm just went, can help it, bro.

00:03:42.300 Alhamdulillah, even though it's coming from my brother, even if it was a question I was asking.

00:03:45.240 So, okay, you got one and a half minutes, go.

00:03:47.300 That's it, I said it, bro.

00:03:48.480 Oh, is that it?

00:03:48.960 Yeah, same one time.

00:03:49.620 Okay, that was finished.

00:03:51.300 Two seconds, Alhamdulillah, good.

00:03:52.760 So you are totally against it?

00:03:56.420 For me, the affair is simple.

00:03:57.800 Look, we live in a time in the West where the average household requires two incomes, okay?

00:04:06.500 Although we would love for the man to be the sole breadwinner and for the woman to be at home and so on, 0.99

00:04:11.060 the reality is, especially in this hyperinflationary environment that we live in here in the West,

00:04:16.000 that most people need two incomes to run the house.

00:04:19.900 So at a minimum, the guy's going to be working full-time, maybe a bit extra,

00:04:23.760 and his wife's going to be working part-time or doing something, figuring something out. 0.91

00:04:27.780 If she is contributing meaningfully towards the household expenditures,

00:04:33.540 then it's not unreasonable for her to expect her husband to involve himself in some type of chores.

00:04:40.180 If it was...

00:04:41.100 I do think I would ever do this, but look, I've watched some of your videos.

00:04:47.260 There's things that I disagreed with.

00:04:49.360 There are things that I agree with a lot.

00:04:51.360 That's one of the reasons I invited you to the show, because at the end of the day, I was double-minded.

00:04:54.000 Because I know there's a lot of controversy around yourself.

00:04:56.980 There's things that you've said.

00:04:57.940 There's things that you've taken back as well, which I admire.

00:05:01.220 When you discuss about certain individuals, you're very careful to not backbite them.

00:05:04.560 So there's certain characteristics that I've seen in you where I thought, you know what?

00:05:07.240 Yes, there's a controversy.

00:05:08.200 Yes, there's things I don't agree with you.

00:05:09.300 But there were certain qualities which I admired, and I thought, you know, I want to understand you better.

00:05:13.100 That's why I invited you here.

00:05:14.280 Now, you said some stuff which I haven't heard.

00:05:15.760 It's the first time I've heard, which I'm very, like, flabbergasted, yeah?

00:05:18.360 Is that you've actually...

00:05:20.920 And please forgive me.

00:05:21.980 There might be in a video where you've addressed it.

00:05:23.400 I haven't seen it, yeah?

00:05:24.940 But you said that it depends.

00:05:26.820 So you're given some context, because usually you're raw.

00:05:28.860 No, the men...

00:05:29.860 But now you're saying, basically, if you've acknowledged that both parties have to work.

00:05:36.020 So if I'm not mistaken, is Mahdi Tijani saying

00:05:38.580 that the husband should get involved in household chores,

00:05:42.060 and we're talking about washing the dishes,

00:05:44.200 hoovering, putting up the clothes, you know, the dry...

00:05:48.140 Just to understand, yeah?

00:05:51.100 So I'm going to finish my one and a half minute early,

00:05:54.060 but because this is the first time...

00:05:55.320 Please correct me.

00:05:55.760 Have you said this before?

00:05:56.420 Is this the first time?

00:05:57.020 Is this like a new perspective?

00:05:58.760 Let me give you an example, okay?

00:06:01.900 If you have Average Abdullah, he's working 40 hours a week. 0.87

00:06:05.860 Average Abdullah, he requires his wife. 1.00

00:06:07.880 Her name's Bushra, basic Bushra.

00:06:09.700 She's also working 40 hours a week. 0.97

00:06:11.960 Both of them are coming home after 40-hour work week, tired.

00:06:16.420 Just as tired as each other.

00:06:18.000 He's doing whatever he's doing, and she's doing whatever she is doing, okay?

00:06:21.680 He wants to come home and relax.

00:06:23.520 Understandable.

00:06:24.360 But guess what?

00:06:25.060 She's also worked 40 hours as well. 0.98

00:06:26.680 She wants to come home and relax.

00:06:28.460 Now, if she, mashaAllah, wants to take that all on her own shoulders, so be it. 0.99

00:06:33.860 But it's not unreasonable for her to expect him to pitch in

00:06:38.280 if they have both done two 40-hour work weeks.

00:06:41.640 Are you with me?

00:06:42.400 Yeah, I'm just refreshing that.

00:06:44.240 Do you understand?

00:06:44.860 Have you...

00:06:45.220 Look, one second.

00:06:45.660 Have you always had this, or is it something that's...

00:06:47.600 It's just logical.

00:06:49.160 No, but before you've been quite raw.

00:06:50.860 It's like, no, listen.

00:06:51.360 It depends.

00:06:51.960 You will get out of me.

00:06:53.260 I am the prisoner to the...

00:06:54.460 Like the o'lema said, I'm not an alim, astagfirullah. 0.99

00:06:56.460 But I am the prisoner of the questioner.

00:06:58.880 Whatever you ask me, I will answer accordingly.

00:07:00.600 But I'm providing context here now.

00:07:02.160 If I'm the soul breadwinner, okay?

00:07:04.720 And my wife's at home.

00:07:06.060 But I ain't lifting a finger.

00:07:07.220 I don't even want to know where the soul is.

00:07:09.380 I'm not lifting one finger.

00:07:11.820 Alhamdulillah, Rabbil Alameen.

00:07:13.200 Allah has blessed me with wives that don't require me to lift a finger. 0.93

00:07:16.580 But if I am pitching in, and she is pitching in as well, it's unreasonable for me to also expect her to do now another part-time shift at home whilst I'm chilling.

00:07:28.140 Okay, so let me get this in, if I'm correct.

00:07:30.400 So, if your wife is working, and so are you, and she says to you, Mahdi, can you wash out the dishes?

00:07:37.540 Hold on.

00:07:37.880 And contributing that salary towards the household.

00:07:41.380 Now, we have to make another distinction here.

00:07:43.280 The distinction here is, okay, I'm working 40 hours, you're working 40 hours.

00:07:47.340 But my 40 hours is paying for everything in the house.

00:07:49.920 And your 40 hours is going on your Mac Foundation.

00:07:53.180 Then no, brother, I'm not lifting one finger.

00:07:54.740 Do you understand?

00:07:56.360 Furthermore, if my 40 hours that I work per week covers everything in the household, okay, and you want to work, not only will I not be involved in the household chores, I will expect you to contribute towards the household bills.

00:08:12.500 Rewind again, again.

00:08:13.420 Say it one more time.

00:08:14.080 Yeah, we're coming, bro.

00:08:15.200 I can't understand.

00:08:15.800 Say it again, say it again.

00:08:16.420 If I'm working full time, and I'm covering everything expense-wise, A to Z, and my wife wants to work, which she wouldn't, but whatever.

00:08:25.440 Okay, let's just use a hypothetical example.

00:08:27.360 And she's working.

00:08:28.640 Okay, Habib, do you want to work?

00:08:29.940 No problem.

00:08:30.440 Guess what?

00:08:30.740 You're paying half the bills.

00:08:31.800 Why?

00:08:32.240 Why?

00:08:32.780 Good question.

00:08:33.600 Because I remember you've done a video about my video where I said that, for example, if my wife is a multimillionaire, she is not paying for anything.

00:08:40.080 And then you refer to, I understand where it's coming from.

00:08:42.340 I'm like, I don't know if you used the word simp, but you said basically that you disagreed with it.

00:08:46.840 Okay, so let me provide context.

00:08:48.980 If I'm working and it's enough for the house, now my wife is also going out to work, she is taking value away from me. 0.96

00:08:57.180 What if she's not?

00:08:58.240 She is.

00:08:58.780 I'll explain to you how.

00:09:00.940 Go for it, sister.

00:09:02.880 Firstly, as a man, it is your duty, Islamically, to provide for the woman as a man, you have taken her as a wife. 0.99

00:09:18.120 So it is your responsibility, regardless of whether she works or not, to take care of her.

00:09:25.400 You went to her father, you asked for her hand, and you have said, I'm going to look after your daughter.

00:09:31.520 Before she came to you, she was working, right?

00:09:34.460 And her dad was taking care of her, her bills and everything.

00:09:38.760 And now you have taken that responsibility, and she's working, and you expect her to pay half of the bills?

00:09:45.680 She's got 50 seconds. 1.00

00:09:47.260 Then, for example, if a woman has now had a baby, yeah, and you are working 40 hours a week, would you not help your wife around the house?

00:10:01.600 Pick up things she cannot bend, you know, she just had a baby.

00:10:05.620 It is adeb.

00:10:07.420 20 seconds.

00:10:07.860 As a woman in Islam, from what I know, it isn't our duty.

00:10:11.980 It's not by force.

00:10:12.740 You don't marry us to be slaves.

00:10:14.440 You marry us for a company and to enjoy us as a woman.

00:10:20.040 But it's not you do the chores and I make the money, and if you want me to help with the chores, then you have to pay half the bills.

00:10:29.020 This is a two-pronged...

00:10:30.720 I've got to respond to this quickly.

00:10:33.960 I'm so sorry, my brother.

00:10:35.100 I've got to respond to this quickly, yeah.

00:10:36.820 Isn't it also her duty to listen to us as men, to be obedient to us? 1.00

00:10:40.880 So do the damn dishes, man. 1.00

00:10:42.300 Cook my dinner, man. 1.00

00:10:42.980 What's this large thing?

00:10:43.880 Do you know what I mean?

00:10:44.860 Listen, if I'm going to work, I'm waking up, yeah.

00:10:47.720 I'm going to work, yeah.

00:10:49.720 For nine, eight, ten hours, how many hours a day that I'm working, I come home, yeah.

00:10:54.540 And I'm providing, like Matthew said rightfully, there is context for this as well.

00:10:58.400 If I'm providing everything, if you don't need to lift a finger, yeah.

00:11:02.020 Like, what have you been doing the rest of your day for this time?

00:11:04.840 What have you been sitting in your hands, watching the paint dry?

00:11:06.800 Do you know what I mean?

00:11:07.180 I'm sure we can come up with some sort of circumstance where, yeah, I would probably help out and I would be compassionate enough to help out.

00:11:14.120 If you're giving birth to my babies, I'm going to be like, sorry, love, you haven't done the dishes.

00:11:18.020 You know what I mean?

00:11:18.840 I'm going to go do the dishes and help you out.

00:11:20.720 I understand that.

00:11:21.640 Do you know what I mean?

00:11:22.060 But you're picking at exceptions, yeah, to try and disprove the rule, which it's just like, nah.

00:11:29.060 And I know sisters, they love to bring up that hadith where the Prophet, peace be upon him, he helped with some of the chores.

00:11:34.980 How many wives did the Prophet, peace be upon him have? 0.85

00:11:37.220 About nine.

00:11:38.380 Did he go to each of their house cleaning up their yards every single day?

00:11:41.660 But we don't expect that from him.

00:11:42.720 It's not finished, it's not finished.

00:11:43.840 You've got 15 seconds.

00:11:45.180 Okay, so it's like, this is unreasonable.

00:11:47.340 You're nitpicking little hadiths and things like that to back your point, maybe not you personally, unless it's not a personal shot.

00:11:53.020 But this is what I just hear all the time.

00:11:54.620 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:11:55.600 Let's rewind.

00:11:56.480 Let's rewind, inshallah.

00:11:57.440 So your initial point was a two-pronged question.

00:12:01.640 The first point was with regards to the man's responsibility is to provide for the household.

00:12:08.280 And then the second part was what if she's given birth.

00:12:10.100 So we'll address both issues.

00:12:12.520 You expect me to work.

00:12:14.680 Let's make it different.

00:12:15.520 My wife expects me to work, provide, and so on and so forth.

00:12:19.420 Normal, aadi, right? 1.00

00:12:20.800 Okay.

00:12:21.340 If a man is in a privileged position, which unfortunately is a privilege today, to be able to sustain a household and a family on one salary, that's a privilege.

00:12:29.700 Because the reality is, most people need two incomes.

00:12:32.200 So you're in that privileged position.

00:12:34.060 Excellent.

00:12:35.180 I expect a privilege in return.

00:12:37.320 The privilege I am offering you is to stay at home where you want to be in the first place.

00:12:41.520 The privilege I expect back is a relaxed wife who hasn't been obeying her master in the workplace, taking orders from her master over there. 0.89

00:12:51.520 No, she's at home and she has the food ready for me and the house is tidy and everything's cool.

00:12:56.180 That's the value.

00:12:56.800 It's an exchange of value.

00:12:58.440 So if I am in this privileged position to be able to take care of a woman on her own, and she wants to work, in my case personally, it's not going to happen. 0.96

00:13:07.600 But if a man allows this, then it is within his right for him to expect her to contribute towards the household bills.

00:13:15.360 Because she is taking value from him.

00:13:18.080 What if she's not though?

00:13:19.240 Okay, let's just be honest.

00:13:20.180 She is.

00:13:20.780 I understand where you're coming from.

00:13:21.800 I agree with a lot of stuff you're saying.

00:13:23.200 What if she's not?

00:13:24.360 Because some sisters say, we discussed this like, yeah, we can be super sisters. 0.89

00:13:27.460 I'm like, well, that's amazing.

00:13:28.440 So they can like, we can do that and work.

00:13:31.380 If they can do that, if they're not transgressing against your rights, would you, are you Islamically bound to ask for that?

00:13:37.540 Not put Islamically.

00:13:38.880 Okay, I'm not saying Islamically you're bound to, but Islamically she don't need to work in the first place. 1.00

00:13:42.840 Because I'm patterning up affairs.

00:13:44.720 Do you understand?

00:13:45.520 This is something she wants to do.

00:13:46.940 If the husband doesn't want her to work, you're right. 1.00

00:13:48.500 Islamically, in this perspective, Islamically, the husband has a right to say that you are not allowed to work. 0.63

00:13:54.480 100%.

00:13:54.840 But you're saying, for example, that if she is working, you will take a cut off that.

00:14:00.660 Like, I don't know if that's Islamically correct. 1.00

00:14:03.360 But number two, if, for example, you're saying, if she has a part-time job, argument taker, which is very rare, but devil's advocate, yeah?

00:14:09.980 If she's not violating your rights, do you have a right to, would you still expect to take that?

00:14:14.460 So let's address this in two ways.

00:14:15.960 First of all, I thought this was just me until I started talking about it with other men online.

00:14:20.740 And I realized, crap, it's not just me.

00:14:22.160 It's everyone. 0.99

00:14:22.980 A man just likes to know his wife's at home. 0.98

00:14:25.760 Yeah, 100%.

00:14:26.420 Even when I'm at home, I like knowing my wife is there.

00:14:29.580 Even she's cooked, she's cleaned.

00:14:31.420 Yeah, same, bro.

00:14:31.940 I don't want her to talk to me, bro.

00:14:32.960 Same, same.

00:14:33.500 Don't talk to me.

00:14:34.140 You know what I do, bro?

00:14:34.740 I say to my wife, I'll call her.

00:14:35.960 She's like, what do you want from her? 0.99

00:14:36.620 Just come sit next to me, bro.

00:14:37.760 That's it.

00:14:38.240 Just come sit next to me.

00:14:38.960 You know what, bro?

00:14:39.400 Just your presence is fine.

00:14:40.380 That's it.

00:14:41.060 I understand.

00:14:41.660 It's just like, that is value, Ali.

00:14:43.320 Yes.

00:14:43.700 That is value.

00:14:44.760 Yes.

00:14:45.020 So she's done everything.

00:14:46.100 You'd think logically, there's nothing to do.

00:14:47.460 No, I just like you being here.

00:14:49.400 But what I've done?

00:14:50.740 I know.

00:14:51.340 I just want you to be here.

00:14:52.820 But you're not even talking to me.

00:14:54.080 I know.

00:14:54.640 I just want you to be here.

00:14:55.920 Interesting.

00:14:56.440 So if you're going to the workplace, that value is taken away from me now.

00:15:00.580 And let me give you a story.

00:15:02.260 There's a situation I dealt with not too long ago.

00:15:04.660 I can't give too many details.

00:15:06.800 This one sister, she decided 10 years before divorcing her husband,

00:15:11.660 that she wanted to divorce her husband.

00:15:13.440 Her husband, mashallah, was very high earning.

00:15:15.160 Yeah, women are like that. 1.00

00:15:15.760 They plan ahead.

00:15:16.340 That divorce happened a long time ago.

00:15:17.560 He's a very high earning individual in a professional field.

00:15:21.220 And he was taking care of the household completely.

00:15:23.100 And he was of the mindset that I should take care of the household completely.

00:15:26.200 And my wife can work and her money is her money. 1.00

00:15:28.380 Bro, do you know what she did for 10 years?

00:15:29.740 She saved money, bro.

00:15:31.000 Oh, I think you mentioned that she saved money.

00:15:33.060 She saved money? 0.98

00:15:34.200 Yeah.

00:15:34.480 So she could bounce. 0.97

00:15:36.060 Okay, okay.

00:15:36.700 So, okay, okay.

00:15:37.560 One second.

00:15:38.380 Why is that?

00:15:39.440 Okay, let me put it like this.

00:15:40.320 Go on.

00:15:41.040 Islamically, please tell me or bring me an evidence why that is wrong. 1.00

00:15:43.540 Because what's happening here is the following.

00:15:45.300 I'm tying my camera.

00:15:46.020 Number one, I'm giving her her Islamic rights. 1.00

00:15:49.540 If she's plotting behind me, look, I cannot violate those rights.

00:15:53.500 Because you know why?

00:15:54.240 She's doing something that she's going to be sinful for. 1.00

00:15:56.380 She's going to be doing planning.

00:15:57.820 She's literally plotting against me.

00:15:59.060 That's fine.

00:15:59.800 What are you doing on the day of judgment there?

00:16:01.660 But I know when I stand in front of Allah, Allah is going to say,

00:16:03.720 did you give her rights?

00:16:04.600 Oh, Allah gave her rights.

00:16:05.680 Did you violate the rights?

00:16:06.540 Yes, you're in trouble.

00:16:07.620 So I would say, I know where you're coming from.

00:16:09.540 And men should be smart, but not at the cost of going against the Sharia. 0.74

00:16:14.000 This is why it's so beautiful that the Sharia is in such a way where your opinions, 0.99

00:16:18.460 I'm not talking about you, just anyone's opinions.

00:16:20.520 They're coming.

00:16:20.880 I feel like this or this is coming.

00:16:21.960 I don't care about your feelings, bruv.

00:16:22.840 I don't care about your feelings.

00:16:24.300 I know where you're coming from.

00:16:25.560 And the times we're living in where women have so much power, they are destroying men. 1.00

00:16:28.780 I'm not saying he should have forced her to take her money.

00:16:31.360 But is it wrong?

00:16:32.420 Because if I know she's plotting arguments sake here,

00:16:34.480 I would say, my duty upon you is what?

00:16:36.300 I have to pay for these bills.

00:16:37.500 I have to do all of this.

00:16:38.360 I will give you arguments sake.

00:16:39.540 This is how much I can afford a week, 50 pounds, 60 pounds, whatever it may be.

00:16:43.080 I'm going to carry on doing that.

00:16:44.260 You're plotting against me?

00:16:45.720 Okay, that's from you.

00:16:46.380 This is what I'm going to say.

00:16:47.180 You know what I'm trying to say?

00:16:47.600 This is what I'll say is this.

00:16:49.040 It's very simple.

00:16:50.300 In this instance here, the brother's regret was,

00:16:52.420 I wish that I made her contribute towards the house or that she didn't work at all. 1.00

00:16:55.860 No, no, no, no.

00:16:56.300 Okay, okay, don't work at all?

00:16:57.520 100%.

00:16:57.840 Let me finish, because the brother now, he's nearly 60 years old.

00:17:01.940 He had to give up the house to her that he bought himself because the government gave it to her.

00:17:07.360 And he has to rebuild his life as an old man.

00:17:09.580 Here's the thing.

00:17:10.360 It's that either you're paying, this is the conversation you can have.

00:17:13.840 Either you're paying towards the bills or you're staying at home.

00:17:16.720 Me personally, you're just staying at home.

00:17:18.200 But if you're the gentleman you want to entertain this discussion and whatever,

00:17:23.360 fine, no problem, Habibti.

00:17:24.540 But you're going to be paying, baby, because you're taking value away from me.

00:17:26.820 That's fine, that's fine.

00:17:28.460 The one thing I just want to say is this, yeah?

00:17:30.000 100% you're right if the husband says that you should, I don't want you to work, 100%.

00:17:33.320 But there cannot be a violation of her rights, even though if she's plotting against you.

00:17:39.260 It's the specific rights that Sharia is given, even if she is, 1.00

00:17:42.680 because you know what that means?

00:17:43.620 Like, at the end of the day, I'll be honest with you, yeah?

00:17:45.080 Like, if somebody took, like, let's say, I don't know, 30 grand,

00:17:47.120 you gave someone 30 grand debt, and he's not paying, yeah?

00:17:49.540 And I'll be honest with you, bro, that was my family savings, etc.

00:17:52.840 But wallahi, somebody, and I'm not trying to sound like impious here,

00:17:56.100 but wallahi, on the day of judgment, bro, if you owe me 30 grand,

00:17:58.440 the Prophet ﷺ refused to bury, do the janaz of somebody who owed the debt to someone, 0.54

00:18:04.120 and the other guy said, you know what, I'll pay his debt.

00:18:06.260 And he came after a certain amount of time and said, I have finally paid his debt.

00:18:10.160 You know what the Prophet ﷺ said?

00:18:11.220 Now his skin is away from the fire or something along those lines.

00:18:14.680 When he paid it, eventually.

00:18:17.000 So, the consequences, again, goes to tawakku.

00:18:19.660 Does this mean we shouldn't tie our camel?

00:18:21.040 Of course we should tie our camel.

00:18:22.400 But our tie and our camel should be according to the Sharia. 0.97

00:18:24.540 The solution to this is simple.

00:18:25.900 It's actually, this doesn't work.

00:18:26.800 Okay, good, good, good, 100%.

00:18:28.080 If you're that guy, if you're that guy, I'm with you.

00:18:31.220 But the reality is, and when we have these conversations,

00:18:33.440 we should make the conversation tailored to the masses.

00:18:36.060 The masses require at least one and a half income.

00:18:39.520 If you live in London, you need 10 incomes, bro, to run a house.

00:18:42.200 Do you understand?

00:18:42.660 Especially now.

00:18:44.760 So, that's the reality.

00:18:46.400 100%.

00:18:46.720 I 100% agree with you that the husband has a full right to tell her wife not to work. 0.99

00:18:51.120 But the topic at hand, again, is, which you didn't answer, Mehdi.

00:18:55.540 So, if it's a 50-50 situation, you would be okay with washing the dishes. 0.82

00:19:01.160 Because you know what it is?

00:19:02.280 Because I'm just trying to understand the dynamics.

00:19:03.520 If I am working full-time, and my wife is working full-time,

00:19:08.200 it's not unreasonable for her to ask me,

00:19:11.680 Habibi, do you mind helping me out in the house?

00:19:13.500 But even if she is working full-time,

00:19:15.400 and she said to you, please, can you help me?

00:19:18.180 I'm tied up.

00:19:18.760 No, no, even if she's working or if she's not working?

00:19:20.360 If she is working.

00:19:22.060 Yeah, so what I'm saying is...

00:19:23.640 If she's not working, I'm sorry.

00:19:25.240 If she's not working.

00:19:26.060 If she's not working.

00:19:26.900 And, you know, she's tied up. 1.00

00:19:28.540 She's done lots of stuff.

00:19:29.260 That's the question.

00:19:30.000 That's the question.

00:19:30.740 You know, she's on the time of the month. 1.00

00:19:32.780 Of course.

00:19:33.140 And she's like, can you please help me with the dishes?

00:19:34.860 Of course, Habibi, I'll do the dishes. 1.00

00:19:36.560 By the way, you got the rent this week.

00:19:38.260 You're taking the mick.

00:19:39.900 Okay, okay, okay.

00:19:41.220 Look, look, look.

00:19:41.740 Why do men go into marriages hating their wives? 1.00

00:19:45.280 Okay, go, go, go, go.

00:19:46.380 One of this is us hating our wives. 1.00

00:19:47.620 Let me tell you why.

00:19:48.660 I'll treat my wife like a princess.

00:19:49.820 No, but that's not treating your wife as a princess. 0.67

00:19:52.800 If I've asked my husband,

00:19:55.040 please, can you help me with the dishes?

00:19:56.920 Yes, I will do the dishes.

00:19:59.460 Shopping's on you.

00:20:00.220 And he taxes me.

00:20:02.760 Okay, okay, okay, guys.

00:20:04.100 Let's get a bit serious here, please, yeah?

00:20:06.240 Let's put jokes to the side a little bit.

00:20:07.420 It's okay.

00:20:08.040 I'm not trying to be rigid, yeah?

00:20:10.420 But the thing is,

00:20:11.060 just to get back to the topic, yeah?

00:20:12.860 The question here is,

00:20:13.820 because you said hating your wives.

00:20:15.620 That's a big statement, yeah, sister?

00:20:17.040 No.

00:20:17.320 May Allah bless you, yeah?

00:20:18.080 I know you do a lot of contributions,

00:20:19.060 but the thing is this, yeah?

00:20:20.960 Let me elaborate.

00:20:22.000 Yeah, please elaborate.

00:20:22.980 Because when you say the word hate, yeah?

00:20:24.980 You've got these sisters like, 1.00

00:20:26.140 yeah, ma has been must hate me.

00:20:28.420 Please just elaborate what you mean.

00:20:29.620 I mean, yeah,

00:20:31.460 if you go into a relationship

00:20:33.940 with this, you know,

00:20:37.220 kind of contentment,

00:20:38.960 like my money and my,

00:20:41.200 she has to offer me value,

00:20:43.000 it can come across as hate

00:20:44.880 or it can come across as an unfair,

00:20:47.980 unbalanced situation.

00:20:49.880 You're not flowing in life peacefully and freely.

00:20:52.680 Sister Fahima said business contract, yeah?

00:20:54.660 Yeah.

00:20:54.980 That's exactly what it is.

00:20:56.020 Here.

00:20:56.180 Exactly.

00:20:56.660 Here's the thing.

00:20:57.160 You mentioned an issue with the word value,

00:21:01.260 like you have to get value.

00:21:02.380 Do you know what the opposite of value is,

00:21:04.360 sister?

00:21:04.960 Yeah.

00:21:05.840 Valueless.

00:21:07.000 If you're offering value,

00:21:08.500 look, you know,

00:21:09.060 especially men understand this as well.

00:21:10.680 As a man,

00:21:12.140 I find it an honor to be used by other men.

00:21:15.380 If I can be used,

00:21:16.940 it means by extension,

00:21:18.400 I am useful.

00:21:19.800 If I can't be used,

00:21:21.220 I'm useless.

00:21:21.760 So if you are offering value, 0.94

00:21:24.440 it's because you're valuable.

00:21:26.380 Okay.

00:21:26.820 Do you see?

00:21:27.380 Can we use a better word?

00:21:28.740 Because the word used has a negative connotation.

00:21:30.920 Because I know what you're saying.

00:21:32.540 Used.

00:21:33.260 Because it has a negative connotation.

00:21:34.300 Can we change that with something?

00:21:35.160 Because it'd be more palatable.

00:21:36.040 Because when we say used,

00:21:37.040 it's like degrading.

00:21:38.680 It's not.

00:21:39.060 What are you trying to say?

00:21:40.420 No, no.

00:21:40.940 I want to be used.

00:21:41.900 Of service.

00:21:42.080 Because it means I'm useful.

00:21:43.040 Of service.

00:21:43.640 The word has a negative connotation.

00:21:44.940 Semantics.

00:21:45.280 This person used me.

00:21:46.320 Yes, it's not,

00:21:46.760 but you know what it is.

00:21:47.540 Sometimes,

00:21:48.060 Andrew Tate, yeah?

00:21:49.180 Yeah, I understand what you're saying.

00:21:50.140 You know what it is?

00:21:51.400 He speaks so much haq,

00:21:52.460 but the delivery sometimes is so bad.

00:21:55.400 And this is why Sheikh Albani said,

00:21:57.740 the haq,

00:21:58.480 for people to accept the haq is hard.

00:22:01.100 Don't make it worse with your bad akhlaq. 1.00

00:22:02.720 And I'm not talking about anybody.

00:22:03.880 Don't make it by using specific words.

00:22:05.300 And you're not saying intentionally,

00:22:06.780 but if there's another word,

00:22:07.660 you know what the brother means.

00:22:08.580 I'm just trying to have a personal plan of him

00:22:10.240 and those dudes watching.

00:22:11.180 When he means used,

00:22:11.880 it means that he's resourceful.

00:22:13.700 Should we say resourceful maybe?

00:22:14.840 Well, I use the word used very,

00:22:16.460 very specifically because used ties into useful.

00:22:19.740 Yes.

00:22:20.020 And useless on the other end of the spectrum as well.

00:22:22.340 But it's a negative connotation. 0.51

00:22:23.660 I understand what you're saying.

00:22:24.440 But I know what you mean.

00:22:25.120 So that's what you mean, yeah.

00:22:26.280 So that's it.

00:22:26.780 So don't see this value.

00:22:28.480 Oh, why do I have to get value?

00:22:29.620 It means because Habibti, you're valuable.

00:22:30.840 We are valuable.

00:22:31.400 When my wife gives me value.

00:22:33.000 As a woman,

00:22:33.860 we are invaluable.

00:22:35.160 Allah.

00:22:35.880 Salli ala al-Nabi.

00:22:36.760 Especially when you're married.

00:22:40.100 For me personally,

00:22:41.320 my husband earns very well.

00:22:43.460 I work from home full time.

00:22:45.420 I'm on maternity right now.

00:22:47.620 Allah bless you.

00:22:48.120 However, we both work from home.

00:22:49.880 We work out together.

00:22:51.340 We are in a relationship.

00:22:53.800 We do things together.

00:22:55.360 Sometimes the baby's screaming, crying.

00:22:57.620 He will help me.

00:22:58.920 And I think that is good akhlaq and good adab from his side.

00:23:02.920 And good upbringing.

00:23:04.400 It doesn't mean,

00:23:05.060 oh, this week I have to pay the rent.

00:23:07.720 He takes care of everything.

00:23:09.380 But we work together.

00:23:10.460 We're like friends.

00:23:11.440 I agree.

00:23:12.140 Here I agree with you.

00:23:12.780 And I would never have bad intentions on my best friend.

00:23:15.880 Amira.

00:23:16.700 Sister Amira, here I agree with you.

00:23:18.320 If, let's say that something needs to be done in the house.

00:23:21.080 Allah, if I want to do it, I'll do it.

00:23:22.900 The problem arises when it becomes an expectation.

00:23:27.400 Habibi, it's Tuesday, 3pm.

00:23:29.080 Why haven't you done the dishes?

00:23:30.240 Okay.

00:23:30.760 This is the issue.

00:23:31.460 But I don't think men should have that expectation on our seabah.

00:23:34.000 No, no, no.

00:23:34.560 Okay, one second, one second, one second, one second.

00:23:35.880 I am me a mate.

00:23:37.620 Sister, sister, sister.

00:23:39.440 Lahba, lahba.

00:23:41.100 Habibi, lahba.

00:23:42.240 No problem, sister.

00:23:43.340 I agree with you.

00:23:44.180 I should not have the expectation on you.

00:23:45.840 And you should not have the expectation on me to pay the landlord at the end of the month.

00:23:49.220 We're going to be homeless.

00:23:50.140 Is he right or wrong?

00:23:51.200 Okay, hold on.

00:23:52.540 We're going to be homeless and foodless.

00:23:54.220 Your duty is placed upon you from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. 0.99

00:23:57.880 Yes.

00:23:58.460 My duty, no, no, no.

00:24:00.340 Because in Islam, as a woman, we have rights.

00:24:04.000 And if you want your house clean, hire me a maid. 1.00

00:24:07.680 Okay.

00:24:08.340 Realistically, yes.

00:24:09.280 Okay, fine.

00:24:09.900 Yes.

00:24:10.460 I'm not a slave.

00:24:11.380 No, no, no.

00:24:11.860 I'm coming.

00:24:12.560 One second, one second.

00:24:13.220 Sister, sister.

00:24:13.700 Let's put this in the context.

00:24:14.440 I'm so sorry.

00:24:14.740 One second, yeah?

00:24:15.180 Let's rewind a bit, yeah?

00:24:16.420 The man is a full-time security guard.

00:24:19.220 When a feet breaks in the house, best believe you're the one who's going to wake him up faster than waking up for Fajr. 0.99

00:24:24.160 Yeah?

00:24:24.440 You're going to tell him, listen, I'm hearing some mad noises downstairs.

00:24:28.040 You better bounce and do something about it.

00:24:30.200 He's going to be going to find wherever it may be, yeah?

00:24:32.720 Another example I gave is when you're walking down the road, next man comes and starts saying something to you.

00:24:36.920 Best believe, if that guy hears that and walks away, you're going to lose all respect for him.

00:24:41.640 But if he comes and sparks that guy in the face, yeah?

00:24:44.100 He's your protector.

00:24:45.420 Number three, earning.

00:24:47.080 You know what's very interesting, yeah?

00:24:48.020 Sometimes when this is something between mother and father, you see the kids inclining to the mother a lot, yeah?

00:24:51.980 You know why?

00:24:52.480 Because they can visually see what the mother's doing in the house. 0.99

00:24:54.760 Look at my mom.

00:24:55.220 She's here.

00:24:55.620 She's there.

00:24:55.920 She's looking after us.

00:24:57.040 Wallahi, if you guys had a CCTV camera and saw that dad sweating, picking up those bags of whatever it may be he's carrying, his back breaking,

00:25:04.660 Wallahi, then we would understand what our fathers do.

00:25:07.240 So the thing is now he's a protector, he's a provider, yeah?

00:25:09.560 And not only that, and another thing I want to say is, do you guys have sons?

00:25:13.380 Yeah, I do.

00:25:13.860 Okay, you know what I find really interesting psychologically as well, yeah?

00:25:16.300 Yeah.

00:25:16.860 When you're talking about these kind of things, think about your son.

00:25:19.420 Yeah.

00:25:19.640 So when you're saying anytime, just think about your son and be like, ah.

00:25:22.360 No, Ali, I'm sorry, I disagree with you.

00:25:24.140 Everything you said, I disagree with you.

00:25:25.060 Please tell me why.

00:25:25.500 I'll tell you why.

00:25:26.100 I agree with Sister Amira.

00:25:27.320 Yeah.

00:25:27.740 She said that you should hire a maid. 1.00

00:25:30.820 If you want me to clean, I agree.

00:25:32.680 I'll hire the maid and I'll marry the maid. 1.00

00:25:34.980 Boom.

00:25:35.580 I'll marry the maid. 1.00

00:25:36.760 I want to do it.

00:25:37.580 Okay.

00:25:38.120 So you know, you know.

00:25:38.580 No, because I.

00:25:41.440 Love her.

00:25:41.840 Because, Shaquille, you mean it.

00:25:43.700 You're right, Sister.

00:25:44.640 I agree.

00:25:45.580 I'll hire her and marry her. 0.99

00:25:47.280 Shaquille, look, look.

00:25:47.980 Okay, it's interesting.

00:25:48.860 But you see, that was interesting.

00:25:49.640 Because you know why people are like, yeah.

00:25:51.180 The first, first, first they were like, especially sisters watching this, yeah.

00:25:54.460 Yeah, Brother Ali Chaham, Bear Breeze.

00:25:55.640 Mahdi comes in. 0.98

00:25:56.300 Yeah, you've got Brother Mahdi.

00:25:57.400 And then after my job, second wife.

00:25:58.600 Oh, one Brother Mahdi as well.

00:25:59.920 Yeah.

00:26:00.420 But anyway, Sister Ali, Brother Shaquille.

00:26:02.480 Yes, is there anything you want to add on?

00:26:03.880 Because you guys have been silent.

00:26:04.740 And I want to hear Sister Ira as well.

00:26:05.800 And Sister Fahima, please.

00:26:08.360 I'm going to save my...

00:26:09.620 Okay, save me.

00:26:10.140 Okay, save me.

00:26:10.560 Save me.

00:26:10.820 Yeah, but again...

00:26:11.240 No, no, no.

00:26:11.300 I mean, I ain't got nothing to say.

00:26:12.400 I'm going to keep my...

00:26:12.960 Okay, okay.

00:26:13.520 May Allah bless you.

00:26:14.920 That's honourable.

00:26:15.700 Would you do chores?

00:26:17.020 Would you help your wife?

00:26:18.300 Of course I would.

00:26:19.240 Okay.

00:26:19.680 Yeah, of course I would.

00:26:20.400 I'll clean up.

00:26:20.920 But you didn't touch up on the point that we made as well, yeah?

00:26:22.720 Yes.

00:26:22.920 We mentioned all that.

00:26:23.560 It's our protector, provider, security guard.

00:26:25.100 The guy's been his life on the line.

00:26:26.180 Look what's happening in Ukraine.

00:26:27.080 There's a war happening, yeah?

00:26:28.240 All these people, even the ones that are trans, they're like, no, no, no. 1.00

00:26:30.620 I'm a...

00:26:30.920 I'm a...

00:26:31.560 I'm a...

00:26:31.920 I'm a...

00:26:32.780 They're like, no, brother.

00:26:33.800 What was you born as?

00:26:34.760 Okay, you're staying.

00:26:35.660 So you see that when things go peak, the men are in the front lines.

00:26:39.180 And these feminist women, they're saying, you know what? 1.00

00:26:40.560 We missed the kitchen now, brother.

00:26:41.800 The kitchen was a banging place to be, yeah?

00:26:43.880 I make biryani all day, every day.

00:26:45.440 So you see, we live in a situation where things are so calm that you can have...

00:26:50.360 Look, female police officers. 1.00

00:26:51.580 I'm so sorry, man.

00:26:52.520 I saw one female police officer chasing a guy. 0.98

00:26:54.740 Wallahi, I didn't know if she was dancing or she was running, yeah?

00:26:57.280 Bro, wallahi, I was like, this is unbelievable.

00:27:00.320 And obviously, I don't want to get cancelled.

00:27:01.600 But I'm saying you can be a police officer.

00:27:02.820 You guys know what I'm saying, yeah?

00:27:03.800 The point is this, bro.

00:27:05.000 Come on, bro.

00:27:05.540 There was one guy, he's a general American soldier.

00:27:07.620 He said, we had to take a woman off the battlefield. 1.00

00:27:10.100 She was causing brothers, like men to die. 0.99

00:27:12.940 So come and do the phone calls or whatever you want to do, yeah?

00:27:15.200 Because she was causing... 0.95

00:27:16.300 Now, this is a reality.

00:27:17.380 So what we're saying, sister, is that a man is doing...

00:27:19.920 And it's belittled.

00:27:21.120 And I want to add something.

00:27:22.180 I agree.

00:27:22.840 I want to add something.

00:27:23.480 I just want to add something, yeah?

00:27:24.660 And this is controversial, but wallahi, is tohaq.

00:27:27.200 If you had a job opportunity, and the job opportunity was the following.

00:27:31.000 There is somebody hiring, and he wants you to make coffee and tea,

00:27:34.420 or you have to cook him lunch at this time and do the paperwork and whatever it may be.

00:27:37.960 He's your boss.

00:27:38.460 And he says, 55 pounds for 10 minutes.

00:27:41.840 For an hour.

00:27:42.180 Forget an hour.

00:27:42.620 55 minutes for every 10 minutes.

00:27:43.580 550 pounds or whatever it may be, an hour.

00:27:46.040 You'll be running to that job.

00:27:47.620 You'll be like, whew.

00:27:48.820 And this is where I don't understand, yeah?

00:27:51.760 That when you're being paid, you're like, bruv, biryani. 1.00

00:27:54.340 Man's going to make you bloody...

00:27:55.780 Like, what are you going to call it?

00:27:56.820 What's the best dish, bruv?

00:27:57.500 Give me...

00:27:58.000 Where are you from?

00:27:59.140 Algeria.

00:27:59.620 What's the best dish there?

00:28:01.040 Lahma.

00:28:01.320 Okay.

00:28:01.960 Lahma or lahma.

00:28:03.100 Bro, bro, bro.

00:28:04.000 Let me tell you something, yeah?

00:28:04.920 Lahma or lahma.

00:28:05.780 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:05.940 Let me tell you something.

00:28:06.560 Sisters will be cooking the most banging food. 1.00

00:28:08.680 Everything's on time.

00:28:09.300 Tea, coffee.

00:28:10.460 And then the thing is this.

00:28:12.220 The same man, just think about it.

00:28:13.840 That boss, he doesn't care about you.

00:28:15.880 He pays you.

00:28:16.660 He can replace you instantly.

00:28:18.060 Your husband is willing to die for you.

00:28:20.060 And he is willing to do that.

00:28:21.680 Why don't we be like, hold on a second, bro.

00:28:23.740 This guy's paying for the rent, for the bill, etc.

00:28:26.660 Whatever it may be.

00:28:27.720 And why do we not see our husbands like that?

00:28:30.320 But the moment if it's a boss, the sister's like, yeah, of course. 1.00

00:28:32.980 For £550 an hour.

00:28:34.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:28:35.020 No, no, I'm sorry.

00:28:36.180 I agree with the sister here.

00:28:38.140 We should hire the maid. 1.00

00:28:40.140 No, stop.

00:28:40.540 Let me talk about the maid you're talking about. 1.00

00:28:43.180 Let me talk about the maid you're talking about. 1.00

00:28:43.600 Let's let the sisters talk and then we're going to finish up here. 1.00

00:28:45.840 Fire.

00:28:46.800 Hire this one. 0.99

00:28:47.800 Fire that one. 1.00

00:28:48.620 And this one's going to do...

00:28:50.000 She's not only going to make the food. 0.52

00:28:51.700 She's actually going to be a wife as well.

00:28:53.400 I agree with what I'm saying.

00:28:56.280 Let's see what you're saying.

00:28:57.500 I personally, I love to cook.

00:29:00.000 I do everything with happiness.

00:29:01.700 May Allah bless you.

00:29:02.300 May Allah preserve you.

00:29:02.700 I do everything, alhamdulillah, please.

00:29:04.540 But honestly, for the rebuttal of Mehdi, yeah, I had to make those points.

00:29:10.420 Okay, but the point that I made, do you understand?

00:29:12.560 The point that you're making, of course, I completely agree.

00:29:16.500 I believe that the blessings that Allah is giving me is way more than any pay or any of that.

00:29:23.760 You know, at least we're in a partnership.

00:29:25.340 You're talking about your husband, by the way, yeah?

00:29:27.000 Yes, yes, of course.

00:29:28.340 And I see how hard he works.

00:29:30.440 And as women, we should learn to do these things. 1.00

00:29:35.120 And I do see why marriages are failing when women cannot do these things. 1.00

00:29:39.820 They cannot cook.

00:29:40.920 They cannot clean.

00:29:41.720 They cannot raise children.

00:29:42.860 And I think that parents should, if your daughter is lazy and you know she's lazy, that should be open discussion. 0.98

00:29:50.460 You have to tell the man that is going to marry her because it's a very big problem in marriages.

00:29:57.080 You know, some women don't even change the sheets of the bed after two weeks. 1.00

00:30:01.580 And this is really disgusting behavior.

00:30:05.220 So, of course, I do agree.

00:30:07.380 However, I do think you should have rahmah and mercy upon you. 0.66

00:30:11.960 And you should help.

00:30:13.300 Sister, that's a given.

00:30:15.020 Look, look, sister.

00:30:15.660 Not you.

00:30:16.460 No, no, no, no, no.

00:30:17.440 No, I'm sure he agrees.

00:30:18.440 Come on.

00:30:18.820 Like, look.

00:30:19.240 Obviously, I was a fault.

00:30:20.560 There was a post.

00:30:21.760 Listen, listen.

00:30:22.560 There was a post that you did early on, which I like really disagreed with you.

00:30:26.320 About the thing like, for example.

00:30:27.840 No, no, talk about it.

00:30:28.420 That's one of the reasons I invite you because I want to understand you better.

00:30:31.720 I don't think you come from a malicious place, but I genuinely want to understand you better.

00:30:34.960 When it was about your wife giving birth.

00:30:37.820 And you did clarify.

00:30:39.500 You did say that basically.

00:30:40.140 There might be new people.

00:30:41.220 Okay, good.

00:30:41.800 So clarify.

00:30:42.860 And that's one of the reasons I brought you here because at the end of the day, I don't believe you have evil intent.

00:30:46.700 Yeah.

00:30:46.920 So it was about your wife was giving birth.

00:30:49.280 You tell me.

00:30:50.020 What was it that happened?

00:30:50.780 Yeah.

00:30:51.220 So my wife went into labor. 0.96

00:30:53.220 Yes.

00:30:53.880 And I said to Habibti, mashallah, you got this.

00:30:56.420 Yeah.

00:30:57.160 Called the ambulance.

00:30:57.840 They were on their way.

00:30:58.620 Yeah.

00:30:58.860 Made sure the door was open.

00:30:59.700 I said, I'm off to bed.

00:31:01.000 Not just that.

00:31:01.880 Yeah.

00:31:02.140 Not just that.

00:31:03.160 Yeah.

00:31:03.520 I put, you know, on the new iPhone on the 13 onwards, you can put their white noise.

00:31:08.020 Yeah.

00:31:08.180 I put the ocean wave ting on, bro.

00:31:09.920 So that I'm not disturbed because it was early in the morning.

00:31:12.680 Okay.

00:31:12.940 Like next to my ear.

00:31:13.920 Do you understand?

00:31:14.460 Yeah.

00:31:14.840 Alhamdulillah, a couple hours later, we've got a baby.

00:31:17.100 Okay.

00:31:17.260 One second.

00:31:17.820 Look, look.

00:31:18.140 Let's just go into it because you're just chatting.

00:31:21.100 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:31:22.720 It's not chatting.

00:31:23.160 No, this is real story.

00:31:23.800 No, it's not chatting.

00:31:24.260 But once I give you the context, you'll understand.

00:31:26.960 Okay.

00:31:27.140 No, no.

00:31:27.380 But why are you not giving the context?

00:31:29.240 Because you know what?

00:31:30.160 Because you can be blameworthy because you're putting shubahat in people's minds about yourself 0.86

00:31:33.840 and it's not nice.

00:31:34.760 And I'm not saying you do it on purpose.

00:31:36.020 What is the context?

00:31:37.560 Because you're thinking your wife is about to give birth and you're telling her to go

00:31:39.740 upstairs, babe.

00:31:40.380 And all the best in your show.

00:31:40.640 As soon as I give you context, all of you are going to be like, ah, okay.

00:31:43.040 That makes sense.

00:31:43.240 That's what we want, Aki.

00:31:44.660 Look, we want the context from the get-go.

00:31:46.540 We don't even want to think.

00:31:47.880 Don't let us.

00:31:48.300 Look, shaitan already battered shaitan.

00:31:49.660 First of all, as a principle, it's not the place for a man to be with a woman in the 1.00

00:31:55.340 labor ward.

00:31:56.220 This is not the place.

00:31:57.540 I agree and disagree.

00:31:58.740 I agree and disagree.

00:32:00.140 It's not a man's place. 1.00

00:32:01.180 You know, this is even in England.

00:32:03.240 This is a new thing, bro.

00:32:04.280 Go and watch period pieces, period movie pieces.

00:32:06.740 Do you know what the men would do just from post-World War I, 1925 onwards?

00:32:11.420 You know what men would do when his wife goes into labor? 1.00

00:32:13.620 They go to the pub.

00:32:15.100 They go to the pub, bro.

00:32:16.520 And they drink beer until the baby's born.

00:32:18.840 Explain why.

00:32:19.260 So people understand.

00:32:20.240 I know where you're coming from.

00:32:20.940 That's why, that's the point I'm agreeing with.

00:32:22.840 Women are better at helping other laboring women. 1.00

00:32:27.200 Hence why most midwives are women in the first place. 1.00

00:32:29.540 Good.

00:32:29.840 That's point number one.

00:32:30.560 Point number two, you mentioned something which I agreed with, which is that you, that's

00:32:33.720 obviously, we're having a mature discussion here.

00:32:36.260 I don't want to have my husband see me in that way.

00:32:37.780 Okay, good, good, good.

00:32:38.620 Which was good, good, good.

00:32:39.600 Sister Faima mentioned it.

00:32:40.500 So basically, number two is that obviously a man, he's intimate and if he sees certain stuff,

00:32:46.240 that might put him off, which I was like very valid.

00:32:48.820 However, if those things are fixed in the way where he doesn't need to see it, yeah,

00:32:54.780 all you have to do is go behind the bed.

00:32:55.880 Exactly.

00:32:56.540 Because my wife gave birth, I was right behind her.

00:32:58.820 Do you know what I'm trying to say?

00:32:59.420 And I'm not saying like, it's something that I wanted to do.

00:33:02.640 And I'm not just saying this.

00:33:03.460 I'm not someone just like, hey, give me a brownie point.

00:33:05.940 Genuinely, I wanted to be there.

00:33:08.440 Genuinely.

00:33:08.960 Wallahi, if I'm just saying this.

00:33:10.680 But the point I'm saying is, and I understand, it was from a point of view where I didn't

00:33:15.360 see nothing.

00:33:16.100 You know, the first time I walked into it.

00:33:17.580 So that's where I disagree with and the two points that you mentioned I agree with.

00:33:20.660 I've had a lot of children, alhamdulillah.

00:33:22.460 So some of them I've been there for, some of them I haven't been there for.

00:33:25.760 So you have been there.

00:33:27.020 I've had kids since I was 17 years old, bruv.

00:33:29.720 Okay, mashallah.

00:33:30.680 But so you're saying that you've learned a lesson to better not to be from experience.

00:33:34.140 Is that what you're saying?

00:33:34.700 Listen, the first time I walked into, have you seen Saw?

00:33:37.580 The movie Saw?

00:33:38.240 Yes.

00:33:39.340 First time I went into a labor ward, bruv.

00:33:41.540 You walk past doors, yeah?

00:33:47.500 And the noise, it peaks and it fades. 1.00

00:33:50.840 Fuck, F this. 1.00

00:33:52.640 I was like, bruv, what the hell is this? 1.00

00:33:54.580 Alhamdulillah.

00:33:55.040 Anyway, anyway, what I've noticed in my experience with a laboring woman is that I'm like, what do I do? 0.99

00:34:04.940 I'm awkward and it's just, and then the midwife comes in and it's also natural.

00:34:09.940 And these women are just so much better, right? 1.00

00:34:11.780 There's so much better.

00:34:13.180 You do learn a lesson in life from it though, right?

00:34:15.840 Which is what?

00:34:16.660 Let me be honest.

00:34:17.300 The respect that you have for your mother when you witness this is unmatched.

00:34:25.040 You can never match that.

00:34:26.900 Like just watching your spouse, the woman that you love, who's risking her life, by the way.

00:34:31.340 To me, to me, it was like, look, when I look this, let me be honest.

00:34:33.400 When I first came to Islam, there was, I'm a human being.

00:34:36.120 There's sins that I would commit.

00:34:37.380 There was two sins that I stopped just by going burying two people that I knew, yeah?

00:34:41.540 That moment I said, nah, bruv.

00:34:43.120 And another perspective is when you see your wife giving birth, yeah?

00:34:45.720 It's just, not just your wife.

00:34:47.900 Like to me, when I looked, I was like, what an amazing creation Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has created in a woman, yeah? 0.97

00:34:51.980 It's amazing.

00:34:53.060 That's why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, like he talks about, we've given them two eyes, one mouth, two lips and one tongue, yeah? 0.98

00:34:59.720 And Abdullah ibn Masood actually says that this is, that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has enabled the child to, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has, and we've showed them the two ways.

00:35:09.020 Which two ways is, you know, the mother suckling. 1.00

00:35:11.340 So the baby is aware and knows.

00:35:13.360 Isn't it interesting, like when the baby's born, he knows exactly what to do.

00:35:16.500 So to me, it was a reflection point of, wow, man, this is a really amazing thing.

00:35:21.520 It just really makes you think, it makes you ponder.

00:35:25.240 So from that perspective, I totally understand.

00:35:27.320 And that's why I agree with you and disagree with you.

00:35:29.300 But now you've seen it though, would you watch it again?

00:35:31.560 No, no, but the thing is, I never watched it.

00:35:33.220 That's what I'm seeing, bro.

00:35:33.960 So I'm seeing from a certain perspective, bro.

00:35:35.700 You didn't see it.

00:35:36.360 No, no, no, because you know what, bro, when you're behind the bed, yeah?

00:35:38.200 When you're behind the bed, okay, there's a certain angle, bro, you don't see nothing.

00:35:41.360 And let me be honest, on purpose, I didn't want to see that.

00:35:43.240 Yeah.

00:35:43.620 But you want to be there to be part of it.

00:35:46.200 You want to be there to be part of it.

00:35:47.620 Yeah, you're not 100%.

00:35:48.120 But what about the second time?

00:35:48.920 Let's say your wife's pregnant, actually, it's birth. 0.99

00:35:50.700 No, would you do the exact same thing again?

00:35:52.100 Okay, because of the experience and the reflection that it gave me, I had nothing to lose.

00:35:56.400 Now, is it a must?

00:35:57.800 If my wife came and said, you must be there, the question I ask is, why do you say must?

00:36:03.720 If it's a thing of, oh, feminist, I'm not coming.

00:36:07.880 Just because you brought the whole feminist, I'm not coming. 1.00

00:36:10.440 You know why?

00:36:10.960 Because if you're going to measure our dynamics and our marriage success based on some feministic 1.00

00:36:14.360 ideology, now I'm not coming.

00:36:16.760 But if it's like, you know what?

00:36:17.840 I would like you to be there.

00:36:19.500 I would say this.

00:36:20.320 If as a man, it doesn't impact me, I'll be there.

00:36:23.200 If it does, I'll tell her no.

00:36:24.120 And guess what?

00:36:24.680 If I told her the reason, she'll tell me, don't come.

00:36:27.100 Okay, but I'm just saying that.

00:36:28.240 And that's the clarification, which was in the hospital, but not in the house.

00:36:32.260 You didn't give the house.

00:36:33.180 We need it because we want people to assume the best.

00:36:35.260 Okay.

00:36:35.800 Now, I just want to understand from brother to brother.

00:36:38.000 Can you ask me a question?

00:36:38.580 Yeah, yeah, you.

00:36:39.300 Big man team.

00:36:40.000 You, big man team.

00:36:41.780 You, because I wasn't, you wiggled your way out of this one.

00:36:44.320 I saw you, yeah?

00:36:45.480 I'm like, if she asks, I must know.

00:36:47.840 It's been the truth.

00:36:48.560 Ask me that.

00:36:48.760 Would you go yourself because you want to go and experience that again?

00:36:52.640 No, I said I've already have.

00:36:54.480 No, I know you have.

00:36:55.340 But I'm saying, let's say your wife.

00:36:56.220 Would I do it again?

00:36:56.900 Would you go again for you?

00:36:58.520 Because you feel like it's so beautiful.

00:36:59.880 Yeah, because you feel like it's so beautiful.

00:37:01.760 Yeah, no, no.

00:37:02.260 Personally, I would say the first time I went, for example, it was an experience for me.

00:37:06.180 It was like so much things I learned from it.

00:37:09.040 But why do I, can I say I'm going to go back again for the same experience?

00:37:12.540 No, I've really experienced it.

00:37:13.540 So if I was to say, for example, that do you need me there?

00:37:17.120 For what?

00:37:18.220 Yeah?

00:37:18.640 So if she comes and says, no, but I need you because, you know, if you really care.

00:37:21.700 Hold on a second.

00:37:22.320 So me caring is because of this specific moment that I have to be there.

00:37:26.140 I would say that's problematic.

00:37:27.740 I would come if I want to come.

00:37:30.040 Yeah?

00:37:30.360 And of course, in that situation, for example, if we're at home and she's, I'm not going

00:37:33.560 to be like, like, for example, what you said, I wouldn't do.

00:37:36.580 Like, okay, you go.

00:37:37.760 Nah, my wife's in labor. 1.00

00:37:39.980 I can't tell you, yeah, boss, babe.

00:37:41.200 And then I personally, I would say, nah, that's, that's, that's a bit merciless.

00:37:45.060 Personally, me, I would say that.

00:37:47.260 Can I just ask?

00:37:48.180 Have you seen the sunset before?

00:37:49.320 Have you seen the sunset before?

00:37:50.580 You said the midwife came.

00:37:52.960 Yeah.

00:37:53.220 Bro, you need to add that.

00:37:54.060 Because why are you making people?

00:37:54.980 This is going to be haram, bro.

00:37:55.900 You're making people think evil of you.

00:37:57.680 Yeah?

00:37:57.860 No.

00:37:57.960 Finish your question.

00:37:58.700 The midwife came.

00:37:59.560 I want to do your thing.

00:38:00.100 So viewers that are watching, yeah, the midwife came. 0.93

00:38:02.760 So you didn't want to be there.

00:38:04.100 He mentioned the reason.

00:38:04.800 So I think the impression people got.

00:38:05.720 And we should assume the best.

00:38:06.620 I think the impression people got is basically my wife went into labor, yeah?

00:38:09.500 And all hell broke loose.

00:38:10.620 Yes.

00:38:11.080 And I just bounced.

00:38:12.120 And I just bust.

00:38:13.000 But that's your fault, bro.

00:38:14.440 That's your fault.

00:38:15.040 You put it like that.

00:38:15.560 I saw your Instagram.

00:38:16.560 You're to blame.

00:38:17.220 Bro, he was like, yeah, my wife went into labor.

00:38:20.040 And I said, boss, you go big.

00:38:21.580 Put the thing.

00:38:21.980 Put the thing.

00:38:22.340 I'll put it up.

00:38:22.740 I'll put it up.

00:38:23.480 I'll put it up.

00:38:23.740 So firstly and foremostly, my wife is used to having quick births.

00:38:28.380 So quick, in fact, that one time when we went to the hospital, the baby was coming

00:38:34.640 out on her way there because I wasn't allowed to meet her.

00:38:38.060 And then when she got to the hospital, she gave birth in the hallway. 1.00

00:38:40.580 She couldn't make it to the room.

00:38:42.040 Baby said, like, she grabbed the hold of the midwife. 1.00

00:38:43.860 She said, I can't.

00:38:44.440 That's it.

00:38:44.700 It's coming.

00:38:45.580 That's it.

00:38:45.900 And it came out then and there.

00:38:47.700 After that, she said, I'm never going to the hospital again.

00:38:50.280 Forget that.

00:38:51.000 I'm having babies at home.

00:38:53.280 So then after that, we had two more at home.

00:38:56.260 Alhamdulillah.

00:38:56.940 Quick.

00:38:57.660 Happens.

00:38:58.120 No problem.

00:38:58.660 Quickly.

00:38:58.980 Alhamdulillah.

00:39:00.140 When she went into labor, called the ambulance.

00:39:03.040 You're on your way.

00:39:03.640 Fantastic.

00:39:04.440 Open the door.

00:39:05.100 Major door was open.

00:39:06.480 Girls are upstairs.

00:39:07.200 Told them, listen, girls, your mom's going into labor now. 0.98

00:39:09.160 You know, if she needs you or anything like this, she probably won't.

00:39:11.400 But just keep your ears out.

00:39:12.720 I'm off to bed, mate.

00:39:14.540 So then I had taken care of everything.

00:39:17.280 The door was open.

00:39:18.480 And he came.

00:39:18.940 I actually went to bed when the paramedics arrived.

00:39:22.000 Not paramedics.

00:39:22.960 Because you have to arrange this stuff in advance.

00:39:24.660 So why did you not say that on your post, bro?

00:39:26.120 Because it's so long, bro.

00:39:27.260 Bro, come on, bro.

00:39:27.980 You know, you can be blameworthy of people having a negative assumption about you on purpose.

00:39:32.480 And you're doing it on purpose.

00:39:33.680 Which is not correct, Islamically. 0.89

00:39:34.900 I don't want people to have the potential.

00:39:35.780 Because even now, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:39:38.140 But still, bro, still, still, still, bro.

00:39:40.800 The thing is, because you know what you've done?

00:39:42.420 You've made like, like, this is why I invite.

00:39:43.840 Look, let me be honest.

00:39:44.300 This is the reason why I was double-minded about inviting you.

00:39:45.980 Let me be very honest here.

00:39:46.720 We're men to men here.

00:39:47.280 Okay.

00:39:47.780 Look, I have nothing against you.

00:39:49.140 And everyone should be, by the way.

00:39:50.120 Yeah, no, no.

00:39:50.620 I have nothing personally against you.

00:39:52.400 Do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:39:53.260 I've watched some of the stuff, like, you know, you've said.

00:39:55.640 And there's certain things where I thought, you know what?

00:39:56.860 This guy is not as evil as people make him out to be.

00:39:59.240 So that's why I thought, look, I want to understand him better.

00:40:01.440 So that's why I invited you here.

00:40:02.640 And look, the clarification you gave, that's how it was.

00:40:05.280 You made this seem like that.

00:40:06.140 When I wrote the post, I think I have a bit of a, how can I say?

00:40:11.640 An extremist bent in my character in terms of my delivery.

00:40:15.400 Even the way I apply myself to work, to anything I apply myself to is in the extreme.

00:40:20.540 And the way that I talk and negotiate and everything is on the extreme.

00:40:24.680 So when I wrote that post, it came out naturally.

00:40:27.600 It wasn't strategic, to be honest.

00:40:28.680 I just put it out like, blah, there you go.

00:40:30.720 Post.

00:40:31.140 I wasn't expecting it to go viral in the way that it did.

00:40:33.000 Do you regret it?

00:40:33.620 Of course not.

00:40:34.940 Mahdi, Mahdi.

00:40:35.780 Why did I regret it, Mahdi? 0.95

00:40:37.020 Mahdi, Mahdi, Mahdi, Mahdi, Mahdi.

00:40:37.580 Yeah.

00:40:38.600 Could it have been worded a bit better?

00:40:41.340 Could I have given more context?

00:40:43.040 Yeah, of course I could have given more context.

00:40:44.680 Yeah, because you know why?

00:40:45.620 Like I said before, the reason I'm doing it, bros, I don't want people to think bad of you.

00:40:48.440 Because I don't think you're an evil.

00:40:49.400 Like, I don't think, I know those things that you've done.

00:40:51.920 Because I can remember, I've done a podcast with Hijab, and I referenced you.

00:40:55.240 And I said, this is a violent, it's oppression.

00:40:56.780 Like, I believe, yeah, because, and I stuck by that.

00:40:59.780 Because, but now when you, I can remember you've done a podcast with Dili.

00:41:03.480 When you gave some context, and I was like, yeah, why did you not say that?

00:41:07.040 Do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:41:07.800 Because as a believer, I didn't want to think that of you.

00:41:10.540 And alhamdulillah, that's the reason I brought you here.

00:41:12.180 Because you made that clarification.

00:41:13.780 I just put it out like that, to be honest.

00:41:15.640 Sometimes I do word things in a particular way to be, for maximum effect.

00:41:19.640 That wasn't one of them.

00:41:20.300 And I was just, boom, there you go.

00:41:21.920 And I believe that, by the way.

00:41:23.700 Now, maybe you could say you want to experience it for the first time.

00:41:26.760 You know, you're seeing your child born.

00:41:28.140 I've never looked, by the way, ever.

00:41:29.580 I never want to either.

00:41:30.400 But being in the vicinity, being there, you know, your child's born first time.

00:41:34.560 I get that.

00:41:35.340 It's an amazing thing.

00:41:36.780 After that, I'm out.

00:41:38.040 I'm going to the halal pub.

00:41:39.220 You know what?

00:41:39.680 I just remembered as well.

00:41:40.580 Because I can remember when my wife was giving birth,

00:41:41.980 she was actually saying to her mom to tell me, tell him to go out.

00:41:46.400 Because she was like, I don't want him to see me like this.

00:41:48.500 So that's why you need to understand.

00:41:50.420 And that's why I agree with the stuff that you said.

00:41:52.460 People just see it as like, no, I'm so sorry.

00:41:54.280 There's valid points here.

00:41:55.500 So it was a nice balance.

00:41:56.780 But going back to household chores, would you expect your partners to do the hoovering,

00:42:02.620 dishwashing, or whatever it may be?

00:42:04.320 And put yourself in a perspective where, like Matthew said,

00:42:06.780 is that they are the provider, the sole provider.

00:42:09.740 You don't have to sort of say that to me.

00:42:12.320 I'm quite old school and traditional, but I do see most points.

00:42:15.020 I personally don't find it attractive to see a man doing certain things like that.

00:42:19.680 And I think one-to-one, we can, you know, negotiate.

00:42:23.860 And he's got a heart.

00:42:25.200 He had a, you know, who I was with, who would automatically know if I was tired

00:42:28.900 and would help out with the children, with whatever.

00:42:31.920 But most Muslim families, you know, at the end of the day, 0.99

00:42:34.780 it's usually the women that would just automatically, 1.00

00:42:37.980 whether it's segregation in talking, or even when we're together,

00:42:41.100 or even helping out in the kitchen, all the women are together. 0.99

00:42:43.540 Not that it's our job, but this is how we brought up.

00:42:46.120 And I don't like it when women are like, well, they have to do this and they have to. 1.00

00:42:49.620 I'm like, well, I don't know.

00:42:51.080 It just doesn't feel attractive and masculine to me.

00:42:54.620 And especially when I see a man in front of everyone,

00:42:58.920 especially, you know, trying to do all of this.

00:43:00.660 Because I'm raising boys too.

00:43:02.240 I want them to learn it as a skill, so that if they need to,

00:43:05.480 they should know how for themselves and to help their future wives.

00:43:09.400 But not for them to be taken advantage of.

00:43:11.700 And they also have to play their role.

00:43:13.640 Thank you.

00:43:13.920 May Allah bless you.

00:43:14.340 You know what?

00:43:14.700 A lot of sisters, that's why I say don't take advice from females 1.00

00:43:18.140 in the perspective of, they don't usually hide that.

00:43:20.660 No, we like you.

00:43:21.520 We like them.

00:43:22.060 No, you're brutally honest.

00:43:23.540 And that's the reality.

00:43:24.860 And this is one of the reasons we started the show.

00:43:26.180 Understand us better.

00:43:27.520 Look, she just spoke from her fitrah. 0.95

00:43:29.060 We don't like seeing that.

00:43:30.300 This doesn't mean the husband can't come here and there, et cetera.

00:43:33.120 And I said this before.

00:43:33.980 Once my wife cooked roast, et cetera, invited my mom, my brother, et cetera,

00:43:38.860 came and I saw she was exhausted.

00:43:41.400 Like this time.

00:43:42.740 I said, you know what?

00:43:43.260 I'm going to wash the dishes.

00:43:44.740 Not you're telling me.

00:43:45.640 She didn't come and say to me, well, I've done this.

00:43:47.360 No, I said, you know what?

00:43:48.240 I want to.

00:43:49.900 And I can remember my mom was like, my mom was very specific.

00:43:52.860 No, no, I'll do it.

00:43:53.880 I was like, mom, I want to do it.

00:43:55.980 Nobody's telling me to do it.

00:43:57.180 Do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:43:57.740 But the point is about demanding, expecting, and coming from the individual.

00:44:02.700 Sister Ira, please, you've been quiet.

00:44:04.160 Is there anything that you, like?

00:44:05.140 I just want to.

00:44:06.120 Please, if there's anything the same.

00:44:07.560 Agree with what our sisters have said.

00:44:09.800 And I think there's nothing wrong with helping, of course.

00:44:13.200 I think marriage, when you get married, that's, you're signing up for a full-time job.

00:44:18.380 Right?

00:44:18.640 You have your job where you go out and you earn your money, et cetera.

00:44:21.620 But when you come home, that's also a job.

00:44:24.120 And it's wrong for you to come home and, I guess, have that expectation that everything will be served to you and you won't lift a finger.

00:44:34.280 Because we all have our off days.

00:44:36.500 There's days where, you know, the husband can have more energy and maybe the wife doesn't. 0.82

00:44:40.220 So, it's using your own initiative to step in and chip in when you can.

00:44:46.340 It shouldn't be demanded.

00:44:48.180 And I think the biggest problem that we face is the way that we are asking of our partners to help out.

00:44:56.600 I think women can be really demandful. 1.00

00:44:58.940 And I think the way they're wording it is very incorrect.

00:45:01.860 They'll almost, like, blackmail you or emotionally blackmail you in a way.

00:45:05.620 Like, you know, you don't care.

00:45:07.360 You don't love me.

00:45:08.040 Have you not seen how much work I've been doing?

00:45:09.380 I've been doing this, looking after the kids.

00:45:10.760 What have you done?

00:45:12.140 And I think when you start to be little, a man, he will start to lose respect for you and vice versa.

00:45:21.480 And then, obviously, that causes our own problems later on in life.

00:45:25.020 But I think it's, as I said, a marriage is a job. 0.92

00:45:29.120 You both need to chip in when you can.

00:45:31.000 And you need to work together as a team, just as you would if you were in the office or, you know, doing your own business.

00:45:39.200 I also just quickly want to say, though, on the other hand, there are certain communities and cultures that do take advantage over women as well.

00:45:47.200 So there is that culture, that background, that sort of, you know, South Asian sort of side of things where whether she's working or not, whether she's at home or not, whatever.

00:45:55.400 They do tend to just think that the woman is just only there for the house and that's it. 1.00

00:46:00.540 And they do not contribute, even if the wife, like you mentioned, both are working and earning.

00:46:05.400 It's just solely on her.

00:46:06.580 And I see this a lot, you know, amongst my clients, which I've recently seen, the South Asian background, where it's just her job solely. 0.70

00:46:13.280 And if she, you know, is tired or whatever, she's literally like the slave.

00:46:17.020 And I do want to also highlight that for some of those women who are going through it.

00:46:20.420 But generally, I want to basically serve and I want a man to be a man and I want them to actually, you know, be able to do what they do and me do what I do.

00:46:28.980 And at one point, I can do and manage all of it.

00:46:31.520 So I think more women should be raised to be able to do that. 1.00

00:46:34.280 And I find it really attractive if a man is... 0.66

00:46:36.360 The audience are saying a different side to you today.

00:46:39.060 I think that's a very refreshing take, actually.

00:46:41.960 And I would actually say that, unfortunately, I think that modern Western society and feminism would actually try to shame you for what you've just said just right there. 0.99

00:46:48.760 For sure.

00:46:49.060 Do you know what I mean?

00:46:49.780 Well, people call me feminist just because I have a voice, but actually they don't understand my context either.

00:46:54.160 Do you know what I mean?

00:46:54.520 They try and call you a bad guy.

00:46:55.840 And I think what's happening a lot as well is that I think a lot of women are actually just like you.

00:47:00.740 I think they are inclined and they do want to serve.

00:47:03.000 They do want a big, strong man to put them in their place, say, all right, love, nah, go do the dishes, boom, boom, boom.

00:47:08.260 You're my little princess, boom, boom, boom.

00:47:09.880 I don't think any husband that I know tells their wife, go do the dishes. 0.79

00:47:13.820 Yeah, I'm kind of just putting it plainly right now, to be very honest with you.

00:47:17.260 Some of you have to.

00:47:18.140 Yeah, some of you have to.

00:47:19.180 The dynamics they are.

00:47:20.040 Really?

00:47:20.600 And I think a lot of girls do want a man to be in control, to put them in their place, to be that type of character that they can look up to like, oh, rah. 1.00

00:47:27.140 But they're being shamed for it by other ideologies that aren't our own ideologies.

00:47:33.620 And I think it all goes back to following the Quran and the Sun at the end of the day, man.

00:47:36.460 I was going to say.

00:47:36.720 That's the perfect way and the only right way.

00:47:39.160 Do you know what I mean?

00:47:39.860 Is there anything you want to add on, Shaquille?

00:47:41.420 You've been silent.

00:47:42.920 Do you know what it is?

00:47:45.340 It might sound quite degraded and rude, yeah, but it's like.

00:47:47.660 Oh, I think about it.

00:47:48.600 I'm joking.

00:47:49.520 No.

00:47:50.240 How come whenever I talk, you feel like I'm going to say something, man?

00:47:53.320 Every time I say something, you feel like I'm going to say something, man.

00:47:55.780 Listen.

00:47:56.380 Yeah.

00:47:57.320 It's not that.

00:47:58.140 I don't mean it in a, like, I mean to everybody, like, these are issues that I just don't respectfully

00:48:02.680 see myself having.

00:48:04.160 So that's why I'm just quiet.

00:48:05.400 Why, why, why?

00:48:06.200 What do you mean you don't see yourself having?

00:48:07.840 What do you mean by that?

00:48:09.780 Exceptional.

00:48:11.240 I just can't see myself debating the woman that I've met and I've now married her and

00:48:17.600 we're sitting down in the house after I've worked my ass off to be maybe the man that

00:48:22.460 I am in the future.

00:48:23.740 And she's, and I'm debating this woman saying, can you clean, please? 1.00

00:48:28.060 It's just, it's just something I wouldn't debate about.

00:48:31.360 I wouldn't even, it's just, it's just, it's like, it just goes without saying.

00:48:35.120 So you're saying, you're saying, but you know.

00:48:36.980 It's like her asking.

00:48:38.040 Those days are over.

00:48:39.360 It's like her asking.

00:48:40.360 I know those days, like.

00:48:41.280 The majority of men, those days are indeed over.

00:48:43.180 Yeah.

00:48:44.020 Alhamdulillah.

00:48:44.700 Alhamdulillah, man ain't the majority then, bro.

00:48:46.640 And it might sound arrogant, bro.

00:48:48.020 No, no, no, no.

00:48:48.640 I'm doing it, bro.

00:48:49.500 You need to tell the man's not willing to be the majority, bro.

00:48:51.060 You need to tell the secret to the brothers who are watching because it's,

00:48:53.220 I have to buy my course.

00:48:57.100 No, but yeah, honestly, I don't, I know it might come across arrogant and I promise you,

00:49:02.520 I don't mean it with any arrogance.

00:49:03.800 It's just like, I'm not going to start talking about something like and get really passionate

00:49:08.780 when I'm just not passionate about this topic.

00:49:10.960 Like it just goes without saying.

00:49:13.280 It's a no brainer.

00:49:13.780 It's a no brainer.

00:49:14.440 It's like, for me, it's like, it's like a woman coming to me and saying, like you said

00:49:18.600 earlier, like, you know, you've got to protect me if a man calls me a name on the street.

00:49:23.220 Exactly.

00:49:24.140 Exactly.

00:49:24.920 I'll be offended without even saying that to me.

00:49:27.780 Bro, but the thing is, bro, this is what we're discussing today, bro.

00:49:31.280 This is the reality we're dealing with.

00:49:32.600 What you're saying is it's a no brainer.

00:49:35.620 But there's no, people are left with no brains.

00:49:38.280 That's the thing.

00:49:38.700 There's no brains left to be a no brainer.

00:49:40.320 Traditions are failing.

00:49:41.820 Traditions are failing.

00:49:43.060 Do you know what?

00:49:43.480 Like I said, I'm old school and I prefer it like that.

00:49:45.840 Oh, it's bad.

00:49:48.300 And like, um, the other thing I feel like people are doing, they're just like, everyone's

00:49:54.780 just a sheep.

00:49:55.580 Everyone's a bunch of sheep now.

00:49:56.920 So it'd be like one woman. 0.87

00:49:58.340 And men are too scared as well.

00:49:59.940 Yeah.

00:50:00.120 But do you blame us?

00:50:00.860 Exactly.

00:50:01.260 Because if I, if I sit here now and I start saying, but do you blame us for being scared?

00:50:06.200 Cause the moment we start like voicing our opinion, we get called really bad, uh, titles

00:50:13.120 that are like, like lowly titles.

00:50:16.000 So, um, that's why sometimes I just don't say anything, even though I know it might seem

00:50:19.880 like, well, why don't you just say your truth?

00:50:21.340 Cause I can't be bothered to have a title that is going to block me from getting certain

00:50:25.980 blessings later on.

00:50:26.860 And it's not even a true title.

00:50:28.040 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:50:28.620 But my thing is again, um, like I've grown up mostly with women, so I respect women highly.

00:50:33.360 My sister's 12 years older than me.

00:50:35.700 Um, my mom's, well, my mom was like, she had me when she was 30.

00:50:40.000 Um, so I've always had like a, a lot of females around me and I respect them heavily. 1.00

00:50:44.680 So again, just sitting down and feeling like if I found a woman and I have to ask her, like,

00:50:51.800 you know, you've got to tidy up by the way, you know, you've got to hoover by the way.

00:50:54.020 And you've got, like, it just doesn't go for me, for me.

00:50:58.280 But I, I'm not going to lie.

00:50:59.640 If you are a guy at home and you're going, you feel like you have to debate your woman. 0.74

00:51:05.520 Oh yeah.

00:51:06.300 I'm not even saying it in a, bro.

00:51:07.760 I promise you.

00:51:08.440 I'm not saying that I have any form of arrogance whatsoever, but I genuinely feel sorry for

00:51:12.500 men that have to debate these things and catch up into an argument with your, with your wife

00:51:17.720 over simple things.

00:51:19.580 And just for the record, I would happily, I happily would clean and tidy and do this.

00:51:23.840 I'll happily do it.

00:51:24.700 But it's not a thing where I'll do it because she, I feel like I'm forced to do it.

00:51:29.460 But you know what?

00:51:29.880 I totally agree with you.

00:51:30.940 That's big facts.

00:51:31.620 If you're in that position where you're a man, if the debate with your wife, oh, can you do

00:51:34.520 the dishes, please love?

00:51:35.380 Like, that's long, yeah.

00:51:36.580 But unfortunately, and like, I laughed initially when I thought to myself, actually, do you know

00:51:40.240 what?

00:51:40.400 There are loads in that.

00:51:42.080 And that's why I have to say, I'm not saying it out of arrogance.

00:51:44.540 I'll tell you why they're in that position.

00:51:46.320 I just want to say, why do you feel like they're in that position?

00:51:49.080 Cool.

00:51:49.500 One thing I wanted to say is like, because they are scared.

00:51:52.600 They will, they will, they can lose the house.

00:51:54.560 They can lose the kids.

00:51:55.580 They can be accused of abuse.

00:51:56.760 They can be accused of rape.

00:51:57.800 Look at that topic we just covered, my brother.

00:51:59.600 I'll tell you what, I'll tell you, I was telling Mahadee this off camera and he laughed,

00:52:02.820 yeah.

00:52:03.260 I said, listen, bruv, like, I'm not getting married in this country.

00:52:06.820 There is two ways.

00:52:07.800 I'm the worst place, yeah, but I'm never getting married in this country again.

00:52:10.900 Luckily, I was broke then when I got a divorce, yeah.

00:52:13.200 I'm in a position where I've got something to lose, yeah.

00:52:15.360 And I realized how irrational sometimes things can be in those situations, yeah.

00:52:19.800 And I said, look, these are the two occasions on which I'm getting married, yeah.

00:52:22.400 I said, I'm moving to Dubai maybe in a year or so, yeah, or a Muslim country where the 1.00

00:52:26.320 law is a bit more like Sharia compliant.

00:52:28.660 It's a bit more Islamic law towards that side.

00:52:30.720 Or alternatively, straight up, yeah, I'm moving to Morocco, yeah.

00:52:34.900 I'm going to go to a village in Morocco.

00:52:36.520 I'm marrying two free girls.

00:52:38.180 I'm changing their lives.

00:52:39.400 I'm going to get them nice houses, everything, do you know what I mean?

00:52:41.660 In a nice cheap part of Morocco.

00:52:43.080 Live on the beach, yeah.

00:52:44.400 Make sure they can live on, make sure they know Quran. 0.99

00:52:46.680 They can teach my kids Quran, alhamdulillah.

00:52:48.640 I'm going to work remote from Morocco on a beach, you know, for a job in London. 0.92

00:52:51.380 I've just come back from Morocco, by the way.

00:52:53.020 Now, what's the downfall of that if I can afford that?

00:52:56.260 Let me tell you the downfall, yeah.

00:52:58.820 Let me tell you the downfall.

00:52:59.560 You have to be careful.

00:53:00.680 This is a topic on its own, yeah.

00:53:01.960 I've seen a new phenomena, yeah.

00:53:03.420 Are you Pakistani?

00:53:04.500 One thing I was trying to add, yeah.

00:53:06.100 If they ask me to come, oh, can you bring us to London?

00:53:08.380 No, you can't come to London.

00:53:09.720 We're staying in Morocco in the village.

00:53:11.320 You're not coming.

00:53:12.180 It's not good there.

00:53:13.060 Don't worry about that, love, yeah.

00:53:14.720 That's more sharper than me.

00:53:15.640 Okay.

00:53:16.260 Yeah, yeah.

00:53:16.860 One second.

00:53:17.340 Are you, are you?

00:53:17.900 That's the law.

00:53:18.580 Yeah.

00:53:19.060 I'm coming to London.

00:53:19.920 I'll take that for free.

00:53:20.640 They'll have to.

00:53:21.760 One second.

00:53:22.340 Are you from, are you Pakistani?

00:53:24.100 I'm not Pakistani.

00:53:24.940 Where are you from?

00:53:26.320 I'm, you mean?

00:53:27.220 I'm half Iranian and half Mauritian.

00:53:28.760 Okay, mashallah.

00:53:29.240 So I'm seeing this new phenomena of Pakistan, Asian men going to Morocco to get married,

00:53:32.500 yeah.

00:53:32.640 I'm seeing a phenomena.

00:53:33.460 I'm speaking to better people.

00:53:34.120 And they're like, okay, Morocco, Morocco.

00:53:35.200 I'm thinking, what's going on, bro?

00:53:35.840 Morocco.

00:53:36.300 Everyone's going to Morocco, yeah.

00:53:37.500 And bro, it's, it works.

00:53:39.460 I know a lot of brothers who have, alhamdulillah, married successfully.

00:53:42.480 But I hear some mad horror stories, yeah.

00:53:43.960 But this is why.

00:53:44.700 Sometimes vintage girls, sometimes vintage girls, bro, when they come to the West, bro. 0.50

00:53:48.000 Boom.

00:53:48.520 Bro, just be careful.

00:53:49.380 It's a topic on its own.

00:53:49.940 As a half-Moroccan woman, please. 1.00

00:53:52.100 Like, I do see this phenomenon.

00:53:54.260 Stop fetishizing Moroccan women.

00:53:56.200 But why are they doing it?

00:53:57.600 There's a topic on its own.

00:53:58.960 It's a bit like, I'm not going to lie.

00:54:00.960 It is a bit, you know, it hurts my feelings.

00:54:03.980 I'm not going to lie.

00:54:04.700 Because, you know, the fetishization, you don't go to Morocco and just think,

00:54:09.740 I'm going to go for Moroccan women just because they are these so-called good girls 1.00

00:54:15.620 and they're whatever, and they're going to be so submissive and whatever.

00:54:19.540 Like, be careful.

00:54:20.960 Like, don't, you can't make that claim.

00:54:22.540 I just want to be clear, yeah.

00:54:23.040 Because, obviously, I'm not fetishizing Moroccan girls.

00:54:26.120 Yeah, I'm not saying you, but a lot of people are.

00:54:26.860 When I first came up with this plan, yeah, this master plan in mind, yeah,

00:54:29.900 I was actually planning on going south of Thailand because I think the king lets

00:54:32.880 the Muslims that live there rule under, like, Sharia law and things like that.

00:54:36.400 I need to fact check that, but that's what I've heard.

00:54:38.600 There's a large community of Muslims in the south of Thailand,

00:54:41.080 and they're allowed to kind of, like, govern their own marriages and things like that.

00:54:44.680 As long as you're not murdering no one, then they might get involved.

00:54:47.100 So, my original plan was Thailand, and then somebody suggested,

00:54:51.120 why don't you go to Morocco, Algeria, because they know Arabic,

00:54:53.420 they can teach your kids Koran, and it's closer to London.

00:54:56.180 I was like, yeah, boom, that's patterns, you know what I mean?

00:54:59.060 That's good, but you know what?

00:55:00.360 Sorry, let me just get the mic for five minutes.

00:55:02.460 Let me tell you something, man.

00:55:04.440 And this is all jokes aside, yeah?

00:55:06.880 The plan you had is not a master, it's a master plan of many men right now.

00:55:10.740 Yeah, yeah.

00:55:11.440 Jokes aside, yeah?

00:55:12.240 The reason why I'm saying this is because I feel like I'm that in-betweener guy

00:55:18.520 of very, very naughty kind of people and very, very good people.

00:55:24.040 Overall, Muslims, right? 1.00

00:55:26.520 So, I hear the best and the worst in both worlds.

00:55:33.240 Majority of men, even the good, good brothers that I know,

00:55:36.140 and the bad, bad brothers I know, are tired, bro.

00:55:38.260 So, this plan of just getting away and finding this safe haven

00:55:42.400 is happening throughout.

00:55:45.380 So, then any man will think, right, I want to come closer to my deen

00:55:50.980 as I'm getting older, yeah?

00:55:52.580 We all see the signs of, you know, okay, I'm going to come in to us now.

00:55:54.860 So, a lot of men, even the bad boys I know that are Muslim, 1.00

00:55:57.860 are like, you know what, I need to get closer to my deen.

00:55:59.720 I need to stop doing what I'm doing.

00:56:00.860 I need to go find me a good Muslim woman. 1.00

00:56:02.980 The Muslim women in the West, I'm even absolutely mad, overall. 1.00

00:56:05.780 Not all, there's some very good gems still there, yeah? 0.87

00:56:08.840 So, I think, right, I need to go and find a Muslim girl. 1.00

00:56:12.060 They'll be like, do you know what, what's my type?

00:56:13.740 They'll be like, hmm, this might be my type, this might be my type.

00:56:16.720 And they do go to one place, it's Moroccan, Algeria, I had one,

00:56:20.000 and the other one was, it was another place.

00:56:22.920 I said Thailand.

00:56:23.900 No, someone was like Yemen, but we can't go to Yemen. 0.84

00:56:26.220 Yeah?

00:56:26.680 Okay.

00:56:26.960 Whatever people call it.

00:56:27.820 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:56:28.300 Yeah, I asked about that.

00:56:29.260 Yeah, because they just said, like, it's the same thing that the sister said,

00:56:31.660 because there's this stereotype, whether it's true or not,

00:56:33.880 I don't really, I'm not going to get into it,

00:56:35.520 is that it's like a, everything that we kind of want in a woman, 0.56

00:56:38.200 like, they're submissive, they're gentle, they beautify themselves,

00:56:41.380 they're loyal, good family, and the Arabic tongue,

00:56:44.260 because most of us men want our children to be, like,

00:56:47.240 half is of Karambah, so in the age of 100.

00:56:48.800 And stay away from a life that we got very much tempted to,

00:56:51.700 i.e. street or road life.

00:56:53.000 So, right now, what I, again, what I'm seeing is,

00:56:58.280 sisters that are living in the West,

00:57:00.920 that are saying all these demands, like,

00:57:02.840 my man needs to have this, he needs to buy me this,

00:57:05.060 this marks for the mahram,

00:57:06.460 I might not even sleep with him on the first night,

00:57:08.280 all of these things.

00:57:09.260 They don't understand that they're actually making things

00:57:11.300 10 times worse for themselves.

00:57:13.760 And, again, sister said,

00:57:17.100 the sister said that we should not fetishize over these things yet.

00:57:20.920 It's very true, we shouldn't, yeah?

00:57:22.080 However, there's something that is,

00:57:25.400 like, the seed to make us want to find this escape route somewhere.

00:57:28.960 And that is because the women here, 1.00

00:57:30.940 that we aimed to marry,

00:57:33.360 are making it so hard for us.

00:57:35.320 If it was made easier for us,

00:57:37.300 or we had something, kind of, to look forward to here,

00:57:40.020 we wouldn't have to run somewhere else,

00:57:42.220 which is now seeming like...

00:57:43.980 I think it's called Passport Bros.

00:57:46.960 I really got to say this.

00:57:47.720 You want to say this?

00:57:48.480 It's called Passport Bros.

00:57:49.640 The top is...

00:57:50.220 Yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:57:51.080 When guys go...

00:57:51.820 There's a phenomenon.

00:57:52.560 Okay, but the topic...

00:57:53.240 This is another topic on itself.

00:57:54.320 Please say the last thing.

00:57:55.240 Last thing I wanted to say, yeah,

00:57:56.520 is, bro, to be very honest with you, bro,

00:57:58.340 I don't even fully blame the girls,

00:58:00.320 do you know what I mean,

00:58:00.680 for what they're saying and things like that, yeah?

00:58:02.280 And the reason I don't fully blame the girls,

00:58:03.860 I think it's in their nature

00:58:04.940 to not be as clear-headed as maybe we are,

00:58:07.600 and more logical we are.

00:58:08.500 So I think a lot of them do go into these situations

00:58:11.780 with very good intentions.

00:58:13.280 Bro, Ali Dawaj,

00:58:14.100 we just watched the other bit of Truth podcast, yeah?

00:58:17.020 When it comes to divorce time, yeah?

00:58:18.940 When things get real, yeah?

00:58:20.460 They may have had best intentions,

00:58:22.000 whatever, whatever.

00:58:23.180 These law is...

00:58:23.920 That's all I'm going to say,

00:58:25.540 I'm going to wrap up,

00:58:26.420 inshaAllah,

00:58:26.720 our honorable sisters

00:58:27.700 and our honorable brothers.

00:58:29.200 It was amazing.

00:58:30.100 And I hope you guys benefited as well.

00:58:31.160 If you want to be a part of the panel,

00:58:32.460 get in contact with our email.

00:58:33.860 If you want to ask us a question

00:58:35.200 when we're going through something

00:58:35.900 that's talking about marriage,

00:58:37.020 please let us know.

00:58:37.700 Our next topic is going to be

00:58:38.860 Seek to the Second Wives. 1.00

00:58:40.140 And we'll see you in the night,

00:58:41.380 inshaAllah.

00:58:42.080 As-salamu alaykum,

00:58:42.840 wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

SHOULD HUSBANDS COOK & CLEAN？ - EP 5 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

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