Ali Dawah - SOMALI CULTURE, MARRIAGE, WEDDING - EP 14 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

00:00:00.000 Can I just say, I think it's interesting that you have this approach now.

00:00:04.380 I came across a video of you where you was talking about interracial marriage in such a degrading and denigrating manner.

00:00:11.760 But they were pointing at each other, yeah?

00:00:13.920 And the song goes something like, brock off your back, brock off your back.

00:00:18.240 Okay, so this is for all of the Somali community.

00:00:21.240 I've let them know that I was coming on and they wanted to know,

00:00:24.660 and they believe that you have something against the Somali community, in particular the Somali women.

00:00:31.040 So can you answer this, Ali? Because this is literally what they want to know.

00:00:35.000 It's called the tadobah. So this is the seven-day period where the woman and the husband don't leave their home. 0.70

00:00:41.100 So the food is brought to them. They don't do anything. So this is the honeymoon period.

00:00:44.040 Traditionally.

00:00:44.700 Traditionally speaking.

00:00:45.900 People have this mentality today. If my wedding is not trending on social media, I didn't have a wedding.

00:00:51.080 Promise her the world. Lie to her, lie to her. And then when you actually get married to her and you've got her, now present your truth.

00:00:57.200 When it comes to Somali weddings, yeah? Inappropriate clothing style, free mixing. 1.00

00:01:02.580 I mean, it's like you are attending a nightclub or a music festival.

00:01:06.560 I think as much as we're lenient with divorce in comparison to other communities, we're also frown upon it as well.

00:01:12.240 There are people that are still very, very strong in their qabeel and they're like, we're not going to marry this qabeel, we're not going to marry that qabeel. 0.98

00:01:18.420 Why? Are they that lower caste? 1.00

00:01:19.780 If a woman is not sexually satisfied, she has a right to divorce. 0.99

00:01:25.380 Be patient on your husband, you know, regardless of what he does. That same level of sort of advice.

00:01:31.220 It's not giving to the men.

00:01:31.860 It's not really giving to the men at all.

00:01:32.460 And we talked about this, innit?

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00:02:14.260 Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, brothers and sisters and dear friends.

00:02:22.680 Inshallah, I hope you guys are well.

00:02:24.140 Before I start, I want to praise Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, the most merciful, the most just, all praises, glory and gratitude belong to him.

00:02:29.400 And welcome to the Bitter Truth Show.

00:02:30.900 As you guys can see, we are here talking on a variety of topics.

00:02:34.580 But the team came with an idea.

00:02:36.440 We thought, you know what?

00:02:37.240 Why don't we do a cultural one?

00:02:39.060 And I thought it would be very intriguing because I want to know about different cultures.

00:02:41.740 So we thought, you know, why don't we do, you know, and we didn't oppose.

00:02:45.220 So we said, Bengalis, Jamaicans, Somalis and Moroccans.

00:02:50.100 So number one was Moroccans, then it was Bengalis and then it was Somalis.

00:02:53.580 And then lastly, I think it was Jamaicans.

00:02:55.060 But then what happened is the Bengalis didn't really apply that much.

00:02:58.820 So then we thought we'd go to Somalis.

00:03:00.740 So we're here today and some Moroccans cancelled.

00:03:05.080 It was going to have a Moroccan episode, but it got cancelled because people say they turn up and they don't turn up.

00:03:10.120 But it's fine because from now on, I'll be implementing 50 pound deposits, which means you're paying 50 pounds.

00:03:15.120 And if you come on the day, I'll be giving you your money back.

00:03:17.260 If not, inshallah, I'll be giving it to Sadaqah. 1.00

00:03:20.520 So in a nutshell, today's episode, I'm really excited because the community, for example, we're going to be talking about the Somali culture.

00:03:28.440 I want to know everything about the Somali culture.

00:03:30.760 OK, because there's a lot of like, for example, my Quran teachers are Somali.

00:03:34.560 A lot of my brothers that I know are Somali.

00:03:35.860 Alhamdulillah.

00:03:36.160 So in a nutshell, as you guys know the rules, so there's the bitter buzzers.

00:03:40.280 I don't think this is an episode where we're going to debate.

00:03:42.100 I don't think there's going to be a debate.

00:03:43.340 I don't think so.

00:03:43.840 It's just going to be a topic where we will just be talking.

00:03:46.200 But if you disagree with whoever it may be, you press the buzzer and you have one and a half minute.

00:03:50.360 Nobody can interrupt you and you'll have your say.

00:03:52.740 So the first question is basically in a nutshell, because we want to know about your culture.

00:03:58.640 So we've got our brothers.

00:04:00.680 Brother Mohamed came all the way from Sweden.

00:04:02.400 How you doing?

00:04:02.780 May Allah bless you, inshallah.

00:04:03.680 Barak la fi.

00:04:04.780 You're from the UK?

00:04:05.840 Oh, yeah.

00:04:06.280 As-salamu alaykum.

00:04:06.700 May Allah bless you, inshallah.

00:04:07.540 And our honorable sisters who live in the UK, right?

00:04:10.100 Both of you?

00:04:10.420 Yeah.

00:04:11.040 Perfect.

00:04:11.500 May Allah bless you guys, inshallah, our sisters for coming.

00:04:13.800 So let me just open the discussion.

00:04:15.000 The first thing that I would personally, we as a team would want to know, and we're asking

00:04:18.740 the same questions to every culture, by the way.

00:04:20.560 It's nothing, you know, every culture is getting the same questions.

00:04:22.660 When it comes to seeking marriage, in the Somali community, how does it work?

00:04:28.300 For example, does the parents say, you know, find someone suitable?

00:04:32.820 Do they get involved?

00:04:34.400 Please just give me the gist.

00:04:35.420 I just want to know from the Somali culture.

00:04:37.060 I don't know, who should we start with?

00:04:38.060 The sisters or the...

00:04:39.100 Come on, we'll start with the champion, inshallah.

00:04:40.820 Okay, tell us, when it comes to the Somali community, the first question to you guys.

00:04:45.180 How do you guys go about finding someone in your culture?

00:04:50.740 Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

00:04:54.640 All right, buckle up.

00:04:56.240 Let's break it down.

00:04:57.320 How does the Somali marriage work?

00:05:00.720 When a Somali boy meets a Somali girl, yeah, and the sparks fly, it's time for some serious 1.00

00:05:06.460 matchmaking action, yeah?

00:05:08.600 The families, they step in like referees, negotiating dowry, financial agreements,

00:05:14.260 like this is a World Cup final.

00:05:17.060 Once the deal is sealed, yeah?

00:05:19.520 And it's time for the big day, yeah?

00:05:21.960 Picture this, a vibrant Somali wedding.

00:05:25.500 Cultural dancing, wild, epic, music, I mean, food, drinks everywhere.

00:05:32.440 That's it, yeah?

00:05:34.780 Okay, all right.

00:05:36.220 So, I was going to say that was a very good start.

00:05:38.920 You brought life to the studio, alhamdulillah.

00:05:40.820 So, just rewind it a bit.

00:05:42.980 How, for example, if you are looking to seek marriage, where does the parents get involved?

00:05:49.320 How is the initiating process?

00:05:51.040 Like, for example, like yourself, you're not married.

00:05:53.600 Okay.

00:05:54.260 If you was to, if you can bring the mic closer, inshallah, Aki.

00:05:56.580 So, if you was looking to get married, Aki, for you, would you be like, okay, if you're

00:06:01.040 interested in a Somali sister, would you be, like, would you get your, does your family

00:06:05.800 find somebody?

00:06:06.380 Because look, in the Asian culture, it's more like reference, or I know somebody, my cousin,

00:06:10.320 or you need to go marry the cousin that you know, like, those things, you hear them.

00:06:13.960 But in the Somali culture, is that the same thing?

00:06:15.820 Um, I mean, personally, if I wanted to get married, I wouldn't, um, I'd probably go

00:06:21.400 towards my parents, if I'm being very honest, because...

00:06:24.140 You would or you wouldn't?

00:06:25.080 I would go to my parents.

00:06:26.020 Okay.

00:06:26.080 So, I'd probably ask them for advice on who to pick.

00:06:29.340 I've never done it before, so I can't really speak from experience, but in my family, I've,

00:06:33.080 I come from a big family, so I've got, like, 10, 10 siblings.

00:06:35.680 So, nine siblings, all together, we're 10.

00:06:37.620 Um, so, it's very, like, some of my brothers and sisters got married through arranged marriages,

00:06:42.520 so, through my parents, and then some of them just found spouses themselves.

00:06:46.480 Okay, in, in, in the Somali culture, is it, is it, like, does, does the parents say,

00:06:51.400 listen, we will arrange this for you, or do they give you that, for example, argument

00:06:55.000 sake, you go to a family gathering, do they say, okay, you know what, actually, you know,

00:06:58.680 that girl or that boy, does, does that happen?

00:07:01.440 I just, like, culturally, like...

00:07:03.080 I feel like, I feel like it doesn't, like, it's not, like, um, in comparison to perhaps

00:07:07.940 the Asian community, where it's really big on arranged marriage, I think with the Somali

00:07:12.780 community, we're very, we're not as strict, so it's not frowned upon if a girl brings,

00:07:18.440 um, a man and says, mom, dad, I met this guy, this is who I want to marry, they do a background

00:07:24.660 check, and vice versa, if the boy does it, so it's not really, um, strict like that, we're

00:07:32.260 very, we're very flexible.

00:07:34.800 I mean, at the same time, yeah, I think we are quite strict in, is, in, in relation to

00:07:39.300 tribalism, right?

00:07:40.500 So, say for instance, um, this doesn't really happen as often in the West, but it happens

00:07:47.180 a lot back home, where, say for instance, um, you know, a sister may want to get married

00:07:52.140 to her brother, and then the family may, may not necessarily be too fond of him, mainly

00:07:56.620 because of the fact that he's from a different qabeel, right, from a different tribe, and

00:07:59.820 because of that, they may instantly decline, uh, he's, uh, you know, him wanting to marry

00:08:05.320 her, so tribe does come into play, but it doesn't happen as often, and that's the only

00:08:10.560 part I think we're strict in, for the most part.

00:08:12.560 Okay, we're going to come to the interracial marriages, good point, Mashallah, good point, 0.91

00:08:15.760 so, uh, so from what I've got, just, am I correct to say that, today I have learned

00:08:19.620 that when it comes to seeking marriage, the Somali community does not have, like, okay,

00:08:24.620 you know what, you need to marry your cousin, or you need to marry this person, or like,

00:08:28.340 the family, the parents are not very, like, no, you're going to marry who I say.

00:08:31.380 Okay, it's more like, okay, um, argument's sake, bro, um, I've got your name.

00:08:37.180 Mubarak.

00:08:37.880 Mubarak, yeah.

00:08:39.300 Mubarak, and I want to ask a question to you guys as well.

00:08:41.520 If you see a Somali sister, and you're like, you know what, this sister looks from marriage 0.70

00:08:45.340 material, how would you initiate the process to your parents?

00:08:48.120 Like, how would you go about it?

00:08:49.620 Would you be like, you know what, um, let me speak to them, to speak to the family, to

00:08:53.580 both of you guys, I don't know who wants to answer first.

00:08:55.720 So, do you mean, like, on the street, or?

00:08:57.400 I wouldn't, yeah, not on the street, imagine you go to a wedding.

00:08:59.240 If you found a girl yourself, how would you tell your parents?

00:09:02.820 Yeah, or in a wedding.

00:09:03.580 Would they be, would they say no?

00:09:05.260 What would they say?

00:09:06.160 How would you go about doing it?

00:09:07.580 I would, yeah, I would try, basically what I'd do is I would probably, um, try and get

00:09:11.900 hold of her father.

00:09:13.020 So, I wouldn't really, first I'll tell my parents, like, what's happening, basically,

00:09:17.560 but, um, I would more so just explain to them, like, that I found somebody sober, and

00:09:22.420 then I'll tell them to, I'll try and get hold of the father of the girl, basically.

00:09:27.560 That's what I would do.

00:09:28.180 Okay, mashaAllah, I like that.

00:09:30.140 I like that, Alhamdulillah, keeping it real, 100. 0.98

00:09:31.920 So, imagine, sister, you argument, say, a wedding, or imagine your mum's friend is

00:09:37.640 dropped by her son, and you happen to see him.

00:09:39.980 Yeah.

00:09:40.280 And you're like, you know what, he seems like a good brother.

00:09:42.600 Um, would you go to, like, I think, Hoya?

00:09:44.960 Would you go to Hoya, or is it Abu?

00:09:47.260 No.

00:09:47.740 Yeah, okay, yeah, Hoya, Abu, and would you come and say, you know what, I, I, I want, I'm

00:09:51.880 interested in him.

00:09:53.140 How would you initiate it?

00:09:54.060 Like, do you?

00:09:54.960 I don't think we really do that, I'll be honest with you, girls don't really do that, 1.00

00:09:58.680 they would probably not.

00:10:00.360 Okay.

00:10:00.920 Yeah, they would not do that.

00:10:02.800 They'll try and find maybe, um, like, somebody that will have background information about

00:10:07.300 him, like, okay.

00:10:08.140 Like, is he married, is he not married, what's his background, but not really, it's not, like,

00:10:13.500 it's not really normal for us to speak to our parents about guys that we like, and it's

00:10:18.340 really, like, it's still very super conservative.

00:10:21.060 Okay, I see.

00:10:21.840 Yeah.

00:10:22.020 So, so you would basically, at what point would you go to the parents?

00:10:25.720 So, would you go, like, for example, sister?

00:10:26.960 When you're about to get married.

00:10:28.260 Okay, so, so, so you're saying when you're, like.

00:10:29.840 Like, at the last bit.

00:10:30.640 Exactly, yeah.

00:10:31.340 Okay, so, uh, the background checks, would it be done through, like, friends?

00:10:34.380 Is it like, okay, you know what, that brother, sisters?

00:10:36.740 Or is it like connections?

00:10:37.860 Yeah, family would do it, family, uncles, your dad.

00:10:39.900 The father, most of the time.

00:10:41.280 Okay, one second.

00:10:41.840 No, no, no, before we go to the parents, so, so a brother or a sister you're interested

00:10:45.040 in, would you get your cousin or your sister or your brother to, to be like, okay, who

00:10:48.960 is that brother?

00:10:49.780 Yeah.

00:10:49.980 Like, is it like that?

00:10:51.100 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:51.640 Sometimes that does occur, yeah.

00:10:52.740 So, say for instance, if they may know one another, or if, if he may know of him, it would

00:10:57.900 be better to ask him, oh, do you know anything about him?

00:11:00.700 Do I need to be wary of this person?

00:11:02.520 And so on and so forth.

00:11:03.440 So, in that respect, yeah.

00:11:05.540 Okay, perfect.

00:11:07.200 Anything else you want to add, I think?

00:11:08.440 No, I agree with them.

00:11:09.540 Okay, perfect.

00:11:10.400 Wow.

00:11:11.060 Second, second question.

00:11:12.280 Second question.

00:11:13.520 From a, okay.

00:11:17.260 Once a prospective spouse has been identified, how do the Somali culture, like the, navigate

00:11:24.340 the process from the initial encounter, from encounter of the day of wedding?

00:11:27.500 So, in a nutshell, now you've found the person.

00:11:30.860 He is the, or she is the one. 0.97

00:11:33.900 Can you tell me, for example, how do you guys go about asking for the hand?

00:11:38.780 What guys, what do you guys do?

00:11:40.160 Like, in, in, in our Turkish, Kurdish culture, it's mainly they, you go with like, you know, 1.00

00:11:45.280 baklavas.

00:11:45.760 We're known for our baklavas, yeah?

00:11:46.900 You get the baklavas and you're just like, okay, we're going to go ask for the girl's hand. 0.84

00:11:50.440 Yeah.

00:11:50.580 And there's some cultural things where the girl puts like, salt in your Turkish coffee 1.00

00:11:54.060 if she doesn't like you or something like that.

00:11:56.000 Wow.

00:11:56.640 Yeah, yeah, to show like, if she's, if it's extra sweet, it means, I can't remember.

00:12:00.200 But in a nutshell, how do you guys go about it?

00:12:03.620 From the initiating process to speaking to the family, how does asking the hand happen?

00:12:09.120 And then we'll talk about the marriage, et cetera.

00:12:11.780 Yani, we follow Islamic beliefs, right?

00:12:15.880 Yani, nikah, the Islamic way. 0.99

00:12:18.200 And go, yani, ask the father for the hand, et cetera.

00:12:23.460 Yani, it's not something special.

00:12:26.160 It's, yani, Islamic ways, easy, nothing out of the order. 1.00

00:12:31.900 So I would say, yani, it's straight up nikah, father's hand, ask the father, khalas. 0.96

00:12:38.680 Okay.

00:12:39.280 But it's, it's different.

00:12:41.640 Okay, so.

00:12:42.380 Is it different?

00:12:43.540 Okay, can I hear it?

00:12:45.040 I think it just depends.

00:12:46.560 Are we talking from a traditional aspect?

00:12:48.360 Are we just talking like.

00:12:49.380 Tradition, let's, let's get to the traditions a bit.

00:12:51.020 Like, Islamically, we know, like culturally, traditionally, for example, who goes to ask

00:12:55.280 for the hand?

00:12:55.760 Is it the mom and the dad?

00:12:57.380 Is it, for example, do you go to like an entourage where it's like, you've got the brothers

00:13:00.360 and uncles and you've got the mom and they go sit with it.

00:13:03.080 Like, how does it work?

00:13:04.360 Who goes there first?

00:13:05.440 I want to know culturally.

00:13:06.240 Is this at the, just before the marriage or just when you're about to get the family?

00:13:09.140 No, no, no.

00:13:09.760 This is, this is basically saying you're not opening up.

00:13:12.800 It's like, this is the person I'm interested in.

00:13:15.500 You're going to basically, either they're coming to ask for your hand.

00:13:18.460 Well, that's the main way.

00:13:19.840 So from your point of view, he will come to ask for the hand.

00:13:21.720 For the brothers, they'll be going.

00:13:23.320 So how does that?

00:13:23.980 The boys, the boys' family would normally come to the, the woman's house. 1.00

00:13:28.880 Just men or is it women? 0.51

00:13:30.080 Every, every.

00:13:30.620 So it will be both, but they will be in separate rooms.

00:13:33.900 Okay, good.

00:13:34.680 So they'll be in separate rooms.

00:13:35.440 But initially, if we're just talking about, you know, letting the man sort of asking for

00:13:40.320 the girl's hand in marriage, it will be him, his dad, if he's alive, his brother, like

00:13:46.040 men that he really trusts in his family.

00:13:48.380 His, his brother, his dad, his uncle, and maybe a sheikh? 1.00

00:13:54.920 Or is that too early?

00:13:56.540 I don't know.

00:13:57.220 I think it depends because traditionally speaking, yeah, you're right in that aspect.

00:14:01.040 So typically speaking, the men, the male relatives come.

00:14:04.580 So it's different in each region.

00:14:06.580 So I'm talking about.

00:14:07.720 That's true.

00:14:08.180 So for the South, right?

00:14:10.040 For us people.

00:14:11.060 What's the difference?

00:14:11.560 I want to know between the South and the North.

00:14:13.060 Like what's the difference?

00:14:13.920 So the North are like Somalilanders, basically. 0.96

00:14:16.120 Okay.

00:14:16.380 So what's the, is there a big difference with the cultural aspect?

00:14:19.480 A little bit.

00:14:20.060 Slight differences.

00:14:20.960 Slight difference.

00:14:21.640 Yeah, there are slight differences.

00:14:23.020 I mean, go on.

00:14:24.120 Slight.

00:14:24.520 Explain.

00:14:25.140 I don't know what's the difference.

00:14:26.080 I don't think there is any difference.

00:14:27.240 What do you, what, okay, let's clarify.

00:14:29.300 You're from the South, is that right?

00:14:30.560 And I'm from the North.

00:14:31.640 What do you do?

00:14:32.620 What do you guys do when the man...

00:14:34.240 Traditionally speaking, yeah?

00:14:35.360 Typically speaking, so what happens is the male relatives go to the woman's house, right? 0.98

00:14:41.800 And they basically, you know, introduce the boy.

00:14:45.800 They talk about him in a good manner.

00:14:47.360 They say this is what he does, so on and so forth.

00:14:49.960 And if the father accepts the proposal, they pay something called Surya, something like that.

00:14:54.980 So it's basically like a small amount of money to basically, as a gratitude, as a form of gratitude.

00:15:00.640 Oh, okay.

00:15:01.020 Who pays this, sister? 1.00

00:15:02.060 The, the, the man.

00:15:05.000 So his father or his relatives.

00:15:06.960 So let me get this right.

00:15:07.760 If he's interested in a sister, his father would pay the girl's father?

00:15:13.180 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:13.900 So the girl, the girl is paid typically. 0.82

00:15:15.800 So it's like a, as a form of gratitude.

00:15:17.620 So not mahar.

00:15:18.280 This is just the...

00:15:18.700 It's not, this is before the mahar, yeah.

00:15:20.060 Good.

00:15:20.340 See, this is what I want to know.

00:15:21.060 Okay, so culturally, this is what happens.

00:15:22.580 So his father argument is saying he will pay the girl's father as a form of gratitude.

00:15:26.720 Wow, okay.

00:15:27.500 And is there a specific amount or can it be, does it have to be money?

00:15:29.980 It can be, it can be anything really.

00:15:31.440 It can be any gift.

00:15:32.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:32.600 Okay, perfect.

00:15:33.140 Carry on.

00:15:34.020 And yeah, so then once the girl accepts the, you know, the amount and the father approves

00:15:39.980 of the proposal, then we go ahead with the, with the nikah. 0.71

00:15:44.900 And then we go ahead with the mahar, you know, to her choosing, whatever she asks for. 0.95

00:15:49.880 And then we go ahead with the, with the wedding.

00:15:52.080 And then it's like a whole process.

00:15:53.920 Traditionally speaking, again, it's like a, it's like a whole process.

00:15:57.740 The shasta.

00:15:58.680 Let's, let's, let's go.

00:15:59.300 I want, I want to know from the get-go.

00:16:00.980 Like, okay, good.

00:16:01.360 There's a lot.

00:16:02.340 I want, I want, I want to know everything because to me it's enlightening.

00:16:06.940 So the, the gift has been given.

00:16:09.000 The, they have agreed that they're getting married.

00:16:11.740 Does the nikah happen first? 1.00

00:16:13.300 Is there a, like, how many, um, um, celebrations do you have?

00:16:18.120 Like how many, um, stages?

00:16:19.820 Like, like, like for, I want to know, for example, uh, like I did hear that the girl wears different dresses. 1.00

00:16:26.640 Like, I don't know.

00:16:27.400 I've heard, can you, I want to know, please go full out.

00:16:29.380 I just want to know everything, everything.

00:16:30.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:30.680 Please go, I just want to know.

00:16:31.820 Come on, babe. 1.00

00:16:32.600 Where does it go?

00:16:33.560 I don't really.

00:16:34.600 So, um, again, it's different for each region, right?

00:16:37.400 So what happens is, uh, so once nikah is being done, what happens is the father sometimes, uh, he may be there, uh, in his daughter's absence. 0.90

00:16:48.820 So, for instance, he may be there, uh, you know.

00:16:52.160 Spokesperson.

00:16:52.640 Yeah, as a spokesperson, as a, yeah, as a spokesperson for his daughter, and then once everything, the process and everything, the procedure and everything goes well, then we go ahead with the wedding.

00:17:01.760 And then the wedding takes place, and then the wedding, it's a long process, procedure, so.

00:17:05.380 So is the maher first?

00:17:06.280 But tell us, what's the procedure?

00:17:07.780 I want to know, like.

00:17:08.580 Yeah, the maher, of course, uh, you know, the.

00:17:10.560 So the maher happens?

00:17:11.520 The maher is given, yeah, prior to the wedding, of course.

00:17:14.620 Oh, okay.

00:17:15.020 That's extra.

00:17:15.500 Prior to the wedding.

00:17:15.980 That's Western.

00:17:16.420 Can I just say that's Western?

00:17:17.580 No, this is traditional.

00:17:18.480 This is tradition.

00:17:19.120 What, the white dress?

00:17:20.220 No, no, I'm not talking about the white dress.

00:17:21.220 The maher, yeah, it's given prior to the wedding.

00:17:24.180 So it's, the nikah happens. 1.00

00:17:25.520 So the maher is given before the nikah? 0.97

00:17:27.220 Yeah.

00:17:27.840 No, no, the nikah is done, and then the maher is given. 0.98

00:17:30.600 Okay, good.

00:17:31.080 The maher is given.

00:17:31.860 Yeah.

00:17:32.140 After that, what is the first celebration?

00:17:34.000 Is it like where the females come together and celebrate? 1.00

00:17:37.260 What happens?

00:17:37.840 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:38.180 So we're quite conservative.

00:17:39.920 So what happens is the men are on one side, and then the women are on the other side. 0.61

00:17:44.440 So the women, typically speaking, they come in celebration, they dance, and, you know, we have something called barambur,

00:17:49.200 which is basically a celebration of poetry.

00:17:52.380 Yeah, poetry and dancing, and so on and so forth.

00:17:54.900 And then the men, they just sit together, they eat, which is quite boring, really.

00:17:58.900 Okay.

00:17:59.300 Or we don't do much.

00:17:59.920 Yeah.

00:18:00.120 But, you know, the women, you know, they basically celebrate.

00:18:02.460 And then the girl, like you said earlier, she changes, you know, three times, the cantino, the dirac.

00:18:08.460 Which is the traditional.

00:18:09.460 Okay, wait, wait, I need to break this down.

00:18:10.940 What's the first one called?

00:18:12.140 So the first one, it can be, you know, at any stage.

00:18:15.020 So the first one is the cantino.

00:18:17.360 What does that mean?

00:18:18.100 Cantino is basically a traditional Somali attire.

00:18:20.900 Okay.

00:18:21.060 So which is something that Somali women are known for wearing. 1.00

00:18:23.300 Okay.

00:18:23.660 And then it could be the white dress, you know.

00:18:26.180 Okay, so it can be.

00:18:27.400 Yeah, it can be that.

00:18:30.500 But yeah.

00:18:31.060 So it's...

00:18:32.060 Okay.

00:18:33.620 Since this is the bitter truth show, yeah, I need to be honest, and I'm going to sound

00:18:41.100 a bit negative, yeah?

00:18:42.240 All right.

00:18:43.800 When it comes to Somali weddings, yeah, especially in this day and age, I see a lot of fitna going 1.00

00:18:50.860 on, yeah?

00:18:51.560 What do I mean?

00:18:53.240 Inappropriate clothing style, free mixing.

00:18:55.580 I mean, it's like you are attending a nightclub or a music festival.

00:18:59.900 It's all about capturing the moment, yeah?

00:19:02.400 Yeah, the latest TikTok trend and do the dances, et cetera.

00:19:06.800 And I remember I saw this video a couple of months ago, yeah?

00:19:10.080 Scrolling, saw this video where this Somali couple, newly married, yeah, were dancing in

00:19:14.020 the wedding.

00:19:14.520 I don't know what the name of the song is, yeah?

00:19:16.860 But they were pointing at each other, yeah?

00:19:18.940 And the song goes something like, brakaf, you're back.

00:19:21.680 Brakaf, you're back.

00:19:22.900 Yeah?

00:19:23.800 And listen to me.

00:19:25.480 Everybody, yeah?

00:19:26.360 The aunties, the elders, everybody in the community was looking at them with this look

00:19:31.020 of distaste.

00:19:32.680 I mean, what's going on?

00:19:33.500 What's happening to our culture, yeah?

00:19:35.820 They call it the bombastic side eye, yeah?

00:19:39.060 So, I mean, this is what's going on, yeah?

00:19:41.840 So let's ask ourselves good questions.

00:19:44.120 Where does this problem stems from?

00:19:47.140 I mean, people have this mentality today.

00:19:49.260 If my wedding is not trending on social media, I didn't have a wedding.

00:19:54.300 So, what you are doing now is you are compromising your Islamic beliefs just to have a big wedding. 0.69

00:20:00.700 And there is no baraka in this type of marriages. 0.99

00:20:03.400 This is what's going on in the Somali community.

00:20:05.220 We need to speak more about this.

00:20:07.240 Baraka, Afiq.

00:20:08.500 Bro, we need you more on the show, please, yeah?

00:20:10.680 I'm really, would love you to be on the show.

00:20:13.900 MashaAllah.

00:20:14.220 I think there's a lot of points I agree with because if I look into my culture, we've been assimilated so much.

00:20:19.120 I don't think, if you saw what the Turks are doing now, Aki, you would say, alhamdulillah, we are doing very good. 0.83

00:20:23.800 We're on the Salat al-Mustaqim, yeah?

00:20:25.960 Wallahi, let me tell you something.

00:20:27.120 It's like a nightclub and a full-out.

00:20:29.100 Alcohol, music, the way they drive.

00:20:30.980 My mum tells me, yeah, it's your auntie's wedding.

00:20:32.500 I'm saying, mummy, I'm so sorry, I'm not going nowhere near that.

00:20:34.440 Not in the vicinity.

00:20:35.100 If it's there, I'm going around the block, yeah?

00:20:37.000 So, it's, okay, I see.

00:20:38.760 And that is true.

00:20:39.180 That's a lot of people are, sadly, like you said, people just,

00:20:42.340 I feel sometimes the marriage is the wedding.

00:20:45.080 And that's where they get divorced. 0.99

00:20:46.440 I've heard of stories where, like, because the focal point is what?

00:20:49.840 Big wedding, da-da-da, hoo-ha. 0.82

00:20:51.740 And then when they get into the actual marriage, they're like, oh, this is boring.

00:20:54.240 But, so you said, sister, the first thing was that dress and then they wear something.

00:20:59.660 So, why do they do three types of clothing?

00:21:01.900 Is it just like?

00:21:02.840 It's just part of the wedding.

00:21:05.600 So, it's just part of Somali wedding.

00:21:07.580 Again, it's dependent upon the woman.

00:21:10.000 Sometimes you may just opt for one dress.

00:21:11.540 It depends on who she is, right?

00:21:14.540 Okay, so what about the North?

00:21:15.400 And religiously as well.

00:21:16.740 It depends if she's religious, if she comes from a really religious family,

00:21:19.980 or if it's more culturally.

00:21:22.120 So, you're from the North, sister.

00:21:23.700 So, you said, is it similar?

00:21:26.080 I think so.

00:21:27.020 It must be very similar.

00:21:27.860 I don't think that's the only difference.

00:21:28.960 It's not that different.

00:21:30.080 What's different?

00:21:30.940 Because I...

00:21:32.080 It's just...

00:21:33.380 I don't know what they traditionally do back home.

00:21:36.280 In the UK, like, when I got married, I mean, like, I wasn't even there for when the guy came.

00:21:43.480 I wasn't there.

00:21:44.160 I was at work, actually.

00:21:46.180 Oh, interesting.

00:21:46.820 Okay.

00:21:46.940 Yeah.

00:21:47.260 So, they gave me away without me being there.

00:21:49.580 Yeah.

00:21:50.040 So, I don't know.

00:21:50.860 Is that not traditional?

00:21:51.700 But you...

00:21:53.060 Slightly, yeah.

00:21:54.360 I mean, you're not supposed to be there.

00:21:55.560 That's what they say.

00:21:56.380 Ah, see, good.

00:21:57.400 Okay, so you're not supposed to be there.

00:21:58.680 I mean, it depends.

00:22:00.100 It depends, really.

00:22:00.920 I don't know.

00:22:01.640 But you was always saying you wanted to marry the guy.

00:22:03.260 But your father was there, right?

00:22:04.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:05.700 So, okay.

00:22:06.520 So, can I ask, you know when you do the wedding?

00:22:08.340 Is it, like, one wedding, one time, and three dresses, khalas? 0.98

00:22:12.700 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:13.000 Or is it before you have to do this, like...

00:22:14.560 It depends.

00:22:15.220 We have the henna.

00:22:15.740 Do you guys have, like, this henna night?

00:22:17.660 No, you don't?

00:22:19.120 No, I don't think that's the henna night.

00:22:20.380 I don't know, but basic...

00:22:21.820 Well, if you're in the West, I think probably, yeah.

00:22:25.420 No, no, no, traditionally.

00:22:26.560 I want to talk...

00:22:27.160 We don't have henna nights.

00:22:28.760 No henna nights.

00:22:29.240 So, it's just one wedding, three dresses.

00:22:31.840 The men just eat.

00:22:33.020 The Somali sisters, they just do have a little party for the sisters.

00:22:36.360 Yeah, yeah, we have that.

00:22:38.040 And then, towards the end, we have something called shasta.

00:22:40.880 I think you know.

00:22:41.460 So, this is basically when, you know, married women... 1.00

00:22:45.640 Although, again, some women don't do this. 1.00

00:22:47.940 But married women go around the bride, 1.00

00:22:51.060 and they basically put on different coloured silk scarves on her. 1.00

00:22:54.700 Oh, okay.

00:22:54.980 It's almost like wood of any sort of, like, evil eye or, you know, divorce or whatever.

00:23:00.080 But then again, for religious reasons, sometimes...

00:23:02.980 But it's done.

00:23:03.820 Yeah, but it's part of culture, yeah.

00:23:05.260 Yeah, okay, that's interesting.

00:23:06.720 Have you been to any Somali weddings?

00:23:08.240 Yeah, I've been to different ones, like, mixed ones and then also separate. 1.00

00:23:11.520 But, yeah, I'm going to be honest.

00:23:14.640 I don't really know too much about how it works.

00:23:16.480 Everyone's got a different process.

00:23:18.600 You do get, like, what she's saying, it does happen.

00:23:22.500 And then you get, like, mixed ones, a lot more modern. 0.98

00:23:25.240 Now these people are following, like, modern trends and, like, not Islamic stuff. 0.99

00:23:29.460 Because, yeah, they're just following, like, Western world, basically.

00:23:32.380 So, yeah.

00:23:33.620 Okay, good.

00:23:34.160 All right, I think, is there anything else we can add in this?

00:23:35.920 Oh, yeah, the last part.

00:23:37.600 Yeah, please.

00:23:38.540 It's called the Tadobah, right?

00:23:40.540 So, this is the seven-day period, the honeymoon, traditionally speaking.

00:23:43.920 Yep.

00:23:44.360 Where the woman and the husband don't really leave their bedroom, right? 0.62

00:23:47.900 So, they don't leave their home.

00:23:49.780 So, the food is brought to them.

00:23:51.100 They don't do anything.

00:23:51.860 So, this is the honeymoon period.

00:23:52.900 Traditionally.

00:23:53.560 Traditionally speaking, Tadobah.

00:23:55.040 So, the whole seven-day dedicated.

00:23:56.080 So, the food is brought to them, they're catered for.

00:23:57.540 Yeah, so dedicated for them to get to know each other, sort of, like, bond and so on and so forth.

00:24:01.400 So, that's their honeymoon.

00:24:02.360 Wow.

00:24:02.780 Yeah.

00:24:03.540 That's a very interesting take.

00:24:04.760 Because I think there's a hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, but that's pertaining to, if you marry a virgin girl, 0.98

00:24:08.580 that you should spend an X amount.

00:24:10.680 I can't remember the days, if there's anyone that remembers.

00:24:12.500 I don't know if it was seven.

00:24:13.920 But, okay.

00:24:15.040 So, interesting.

00:24:15.780 Okay.

00:24:16.140 Now, moving on to, how does the Somali culture, the community, deal with when it comes to marital disputes?

00:24:23.480 So, if there's a marital dispute between the husband and the wife, how do you guys deal with it?

00:24:27.640 Is it like, for example, what I heard was, that basically, it's more like, they, tell me if I'm wrong, yeah?

00:24:34.560 They usually say, okay, it's your family, we stay away.

00:24:37.460 Like, I don't know if it's correct.

00:24:39.360 No.

00:24:39.380 Like, we will only get involved, but it's more like, it's a husband and wife, they don't, something like this, but please correct me, I don't know.

00:24:45.860 I'm absolutely wrong about this.

00:24:47.300 Are you going to speak?

00:24:48.600 Short.

00:24:49.000 Marital disputes and stuff like that, usually it's the elders, the elders, the aunties who, and religious authorities who facilitate this process.

00:25:04.140 They take care of it.

00:25:05.440 They are the ones who usually make sure that, hey, everything is all right here.

00:25:12.780 Everything is good.

00:25:13.500 So, I mean, it's the elders who take care of it when it comes to marital disputes.

00:25:19.000 Usually.

00:25:20.300 Because we, as Somali, since we were young, we were taught, you need to respect the elders.

00:25:24.480 It doesn't matter how rich you are, how educated you are, the elders have an important voice, listen to what they say when it comes to marital disputes.

00:25:35.240 So, that's it.

00:25:36.360 Okay, so you said basically the elderly get involved?

00:25:39.740 The elders get involved, yeah.

00:25:40.960 The aunties, the leaders, the community.

00:25:43.340 The dad, the mom, the dad, yeah.

00:25:44.600 Yeah, so if there is an issue between the husband and wife, traditionally the man will come, the father of the girl would come, and the same for his family.

00:25:54.320 So, they will get together.

00:25:55.200 So, people that he trusts in his family, people that she trusts from her family, they come together.

00:26:00.380 They are also present.

00:26:01.660 They both present their cases and will say what their issues are, and then they try and resolve it.

00:26:07.440 Okay, just curious.

00:26:10.520 If the Somali boy, he comes and says, you know what, I'm not happy with my wife. 1.00

00:26:16.560 What would the parents be like?

00:26:18.300 What do you think culturally the aspect is like?

00:26:19.840 Is it more like, listen, be quiet, or you know what?

00:26:23.940 Is it like something where they're like, listen, go back to your house?

00:26:27.920 What happens?

00:26:28.440 Because some cultures can be like very toxic in that element.

00:26:32.040 Do you get what I'm trying to say?

00:26:33.220 So, how do you guys like deal with the initial state?

00:26:35.320 Imagine the daughter comes home, and she's complaining about her husband.

00:26:39.020 Do the parents absorb it, listen, or is it more like, listen, your husband?

00:26:43.340 I don't know.

00:26:44.380 It depends on which family, but culturally, I think they try as much as they can to try and push them together.

00:26:50.460 Like, so traditionally, our culture is not one that takes marriage, like, lightly.

00:26:55.980 Like, we do respect and put such high value in marriage.

00:27:00.600 So, we do try and, you know, calm the woman down, try and make her see sense, and vice versa to the man.

00:27:08.240 So, yeah, our culture doesn't see marriage as, like, a very light thing.

00:27:12.540 So, if he says that he wants to divorce her, they'll tell him, calm down, you know, think about this.

00:27:17.480 Are you sure?

00:27:18.080 Or so, we'll try, I think, you know, that's how we see marriage.

00:27:22.180 Interesting.

00:27:22.980 Yeah.

00:27:24.400 Yeah, I agree as well.

00:27:27.880 I think as much as we're lenient with divorce in comparison to other communities, we're also frowned upon it as well, especially when it comes to divorced women.

00:27:36.820 So, we try to, as much as we can, you know, come out with solutions, typically speaking, as the elders of the family, the, you know, the female or the male relatives, whatever it may be, whatever we can do to sort out and bring up solutions.

00:27:52.380 Okay, interesting.

00:27:53.700 I did hear, like, for example, they do really, like, which one thing, another thing that I really like about the Somali community, the culture, is that they do really push you to, like, listen, work on your house, work on your house. 1.00

00:28:03.000 You know, there is not, like, yeah, calm, oh, he's done this, et cetera, let's break the, do you get it?

00:28:07.620 I feel like they do, they do really, like, push that.

00:28:13.080 I haven't, I don't know, I haven't, I haven't personally heard of any, like, I don't know, like, oh, the girl, she goes to her mom and her mom just, like, brainwashes her.

00:28:20.380 That doesn't happen, right?

00:28:21.200 It does depend on, like.

00:28:22.700 Yeah, of course.

00:28:23.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:24.740 Yeah, but generally, I've heard that they are very, like, keep your marriage, save your marriage.

00:28:28.380 More so towards the women, though.

00:28:30.260 So, it's like, if it's a woman, it's like, you know, keep your husband, keep your, you know, keep your household together. 0.73

00:28:35.760 I think a lot of the, keeping the marriage together is, most of the times, it's placed upon the woman, right? 0.97

00:28:42.200 So, that responsibility sometimes is placed upon the woman.

00:28:44.500 She's told, oh, make sure, you know, you know, be patient on your husband, you know, regardless of what he does.

00:28:49.840 That same level of, sort of, advice.

00:28:53.940 It's not giving to the men.

00:28:54.580 It's not really giving to the women. 0.88

00:28:55.180 And we talked about this, isn't it?

00:28:56.240 Yeah, earlier we talked about it.

00:28:57.280 Earlier we talked about it, about, and, yeah, and you know what, sometimes it can lead, sometimes, the sisters to feminism. 1.00

00:29:04.860 Yeah.

00:29:05.040 Sadly, because we have, I have sometimes seen it where, you know, it happens with, oh, all kinds of women happen, et cetera. 0.99

00:29:10.660 But, yeah, that's a phenomenon where they end up being like, you know what, we're not getting our rights here.

00:29:14.340 And it's sad because it's not, it's not really slam.

00:29:16.260 Both advice should be given both ways.

00:29:17.660 Yeah.

00:29:17.900 So, basically, in a nutshell, anything else you want to add, I think?

00:29:20.820 No?

00:29:21.220 Yeah?

00:29:21.640 Okay.

00:29:22.420 Next question is basically, okay, when it comes to divorce, so this, like, you know what, look, they've talked, they've spoken, etc., whatever.

00:29:30.700 They're like, you know what, we don't, how does the procedure start?

00:29:35.640 So, they're like, you know what, I'm not happy with this woman, or I'm not happy with him. 1.00

00:29:38.920 Yeah?

00:29:39.420 I want divorce.

00:29:40.260 Is there a last resort of, look, let's have a meeting, let's get the families to come together.

00:29:45.720 And when it's decided, like, okay, look, I want divorce.

00:29:49.220 How does that process start?

00:29:51.640 With kids and without kids.

00:29:53.140 So, imagine the sister hasn't got kids. 1.00

00:29:54.540 They haven't got kids.

00:29:55.300 Yeah.

00:29:55.560 But imagine they also have kids.

00:29:57.480 So, you're at the divorce stage.

00:30:00.320 Yeah.

00:30:00.780 How does the community, in a nutshell, deal with it?

00:30:03.240 In a Somali society, when it comes to divorce, divorce is regarded as a last resort, yeah?

00:30:11.200 And it's approached with a lot of caution due to the emphasis of keeping the marital bond together, yeah?

00:30:18.300 But when a couple decides to pursue a divorce, usually, as I said before, the elders, the leaders in the community, religious authorities facilitate the process, yeah?

00:30:29.820 And one thing I need to bring in is, I do think that a lot of divorces happen for trivial, pointless, useless reasons, yeah?

00:30:40.300 For example, a woman can say, hey, he used to take me out two times a week, now only two times a month.

00:30:47.220 I feel like the friendship is growing apart.

00:30:50.280 I don't feel the bond anymore.

00:30:51.820 Therefore, I'm going to divorce him, yeah?

00:30:54.280 So, these da'if reasons, they happen.

00:30:56.200 And, of course, sometimes, yeah, it can happen because of brutal problems, abuse, etc., conflicts.

00:31:03.140 But, usually, it's these da'if, useless reasons.

00:31:07.260 So, that's my thoughts on it.

00:31:09.620 Okay, Afi? 1.00

00:31:10.640 Can I just say something?

00:31:12.920 Yes.

00:31:13.320 I mean, I keep hearing that the Somali community has a high rate of divorces.

00:31:19.860 I think everyone has a cross-culture.

00:31:21.340 Yeah.

00:31:21.520 I think it's everyone's.

00:31:22.340 But, can I give my take on why I think that is?

00:31:25.160 Like, I feel like, traditionally, like, back home in Somalia, Somaliland, wherever, women didn't have as many rights as they do in the UK.

00:31:34.120 This is my take, right?

00:31:36.080 Women didn't have as much rights as they do here. 1.00

00:31:40.320 Therefore, they used to put up with a lot more, you know, things from men that they probably 90% of the time won't put up with from men.

00:31:50.000 And, I'm really sorry to tell you, Mohamed, but that's not the reason why women get divorced because of silly little things. 0.97

00:31:57.620 It's often, like, major things that men are not fulfilling.

00:32:00.800 Like, there's a traditional saying, like, in Somali where we know that, we know that proverb, like, marry her with lies, like, lie to her. 0.91

00:32:12.120 Lower her in with lies, yeah. 0.90

00:32:12.860 Yeah, like, promise her the world, lie to her, lie to her.

00:32:15.820 And then when you actually get married to her and you've got her, now present your truth.

00:32:20.280 Isn't that the woman who does that? 1.00

00:32:21.340 What a thakul kul kul? 0.92

00:32:22.620 The one who says hit the road.

00:32:23.540 The one, she, she, she, she, yeah, I heard it.

00:32:25.660 The one who says that basically you lied to me and this, that, and now you hit the road.

00:32:27.740 Yeah, basically, yeah, 100%.

00:32:29.500 And that's what a lot of Somali men tend to do.

00:32:32.100 And that's, it's a proverb for a reason.

00:32:34.500 Okay, I just want to say something.

00:32:35.480 We have a whole topic on why marriages are breaking down.

00:32:38.540 I think this issue is not a Somali issue.

00:32:41.080 It's a, everyone, everybody's going through it.

00:32:43.620 So, we're going to discuss that in the why a marriage is breaking down.

00:32:46.080 If you're going to be there for that, it'll be good to have your take on it.

00:32:48.320 But, in general, I just want to know, just going back to topic,

00:32:51.300 how do you guys deal with divorce in a sense where family just gets involved?

00:32:55.520 And if the girl is adamant,

00:32:56.820 is there more pressure put on the girl to stay or the boy to stay?

00:33:00.700 Can I just, yeah, okay.

00:33:02.020 Like, from what you know, she stays.

00:33:04.300 I would say, like, personally, I don't, like, know anybody, like, close that's had a divorce.

00:33:08.900 So, like, my brother's family, I don't know.

00:33:10.960 But, from, like, distant relatives, I've seen, like, for example, my dad would go to try and resolve issues with, like, the husband and the wife.

00:33:20.820 So, I think, yeah, definitely, it is fundamental to have a divorce.

00:33:25.980 It's not good.

00:33:28.080 And, yeah, like, personally, I don't know too much about this, like, because I'm not seeing it, like, around me.

00:33:33.460 Like, my oldest brother, basically, he's got a mental health condition.

00:33:38.480 So, he did have a divorce, but it was more so just non-compatibility.

00:33:44.140 It wasn't really, yeah.

00:33:47.560 But I haven't had, like, I haven't had, like, people around me that are, like, that have divorces that are, like, normal couples.

00:33:53.260 So, if you guys have heard of any divorce in your, in the community, which one's going to emphasis on?

00:33:57.320 The woman to stay or the man to stay? 0.98

00:33:58.980 Like, do they say to the woman, oh, you know, put up with him or do they, because...

00:34:02.620 Probably more with the women.

00:34:03.180 Are they fair?

00:34:03.920 Are they, like...

00:34:04.500 I think more with the women.

00:34:05.820 I think they try and push, I mean, they try and always push the woman to stay. 1.00

00:34:09.800 I think that's with A's.

00:34:10.860 Yeah, but ultimately, it's, you know, it's the man that gives the talaq, isn't it?

00:34:15.380 So, if he doesn't, and, you know, there are times where the man doesn't want to give the talaq and the woman demands it,

00:34:21.420 and yet, she doesn't get it, so, it just, yeah.

00:34:24.080 They do encourage, they put more pressure on you.

00:34:26.820 Yeah, the responsibility, like I said earlier, is, like, solely placed upon the woman. 1.00

00:34:30.940 Even if her mental health is deteriorating and she's, like, going through it,

00:34:35.440 perhaps maybe he got a second wife and he's not providing for her.

00:34:38.600 You know, maybe he's, you know, subhanAllah, maybe he's abusing her, whatever the case might be, right?

00:34:43.300 She's told, you know, just keep her husband, put up with it.

00:34:46.780 You know, this is what you're supposed to do as a wife. 1.00

00:34:48.980 You know, this is our culture.

00:34:50.280 It'll get better.

00:34:50.780 It'll get better in time.

00:34:52.260 Just go back to your husband, you know?

00:34:53.640 I think that's why you see that with the Asian culture as well.

00:34:55.800 In many cultures, yeah.

00:34:56.500 You see it in many cultures as well.

00:34:57.780 But then again, yeah, it's, yeah, it's not, it's not necessary from Islam, 0.99

00:35:01.400 especially if the man is not doing his rights.

00:35:03.440 You know, if he's not even providing basic.

00:35:05.160 I don't know why these wives didn't think about second wife. 1.00

00:35:08.000 It's allowed.

00:35:08.460 Don't get it twisted.

00:35:09.420 I'm, I'm, I full out say it.

00:35:11.260 You know, we are, as men, we are polygamous by nature.

00:35:13.700 100 billion percent.

00:35:14.680 I don't care anybody that comes to me.

00:35:15.780 I'll challenge anybody.

00:35:16.500 No, I disagree with that.

00:35:16.880 We, we, we, we are 100%.

00:35:18.100 Anybody that discreet, well, I, no problem.

00:35:20.120 I, I'm willing to do, lie to take a test for anybody.

00:35:22.720 I'm ready to go for it.

00:35:23.640 I'll put my neck on the line.

00:35:25.060 Every man is polygamous by nature.

00:35:26.620 Every single man.

00:35:27.660 So to me, the issue is, I'm just talking about the men who do not provide 0.98

00:35:30.700 and violate their wife's right.

00:35:32.360 I believe they shouldn't be talking about this.

00:35:34.620 Yeah.

00:35:34.840 Because you're not even given the basic huck of your first wife. 0.64

00:35:37.520 Yeah.

00:35:37.760 Is she even happy with you?

00:35:38.760 Actually, I don't even recommend it to me personally.

00:35:40.740 I wouldn't recommend it to a individuals.

00:35:42.820 If a brother comes to me and says, I want a second wife. 0.83

00:35:44.820 And I'm like, listen, how's your relationship with your first wife?

00:35:46.940 Bad?

00:35:47.400 Oh, shh.

00:35:47.940 Please, man.

00:35:48.360 Don't fix that.

00:35:49.160 Once that is on check, what I mean is your relationship, the way you've been,

00:35:52.940 nahris that you have towards one another.

00:35:54.420 Sorry, I've got this.

00:35:54.940 I'm learning here.

00:35:55.900 You know, these things that you have is ihteram.

00:35:58.480 Yeah.

00:35:58.940 Man's, inshallah. 0.76

00:36:00.040 How do you know these words?

00:36:01.140 I know, alhamdulillah.

00:36:02.780 I know, alhamdulillah.

00:36:03.260 I've got a lot of some brothers on my t-shirts, alhamdulillah.

00:36:05.580 So the thing is that you need to have that.

00:36:08.100 If you're not, then you're basically causing problems.

00:36:10.560 You know, of course, the first wife is never going to be happy if you get married again. 1.00

00:36:13.220 That's a different issue.

00:36:14.100 But at least if you have that nice balance of relationship, if she knows you're a good man,

00:36:18.020 you know, she, I believe if Allah's legislated polygamy, Allah's created you in a way where 0.99

00:36:23.240 you can deal with it.

00:36:24.380 It is bad, but you'll deal with it.

00:36:25.700 Just the way I have to deal when I go to war, innit?

00:36:27.400 When we go to war, we have to deal with it as well.

00:36:28.620 Yeah, but how often do you go to war?

00:36:29.800 But the thing is, if we do, we end up dying and coming back and now our wives will get married

00:36:32.780 to somebody else.

00:36:33.420 Yeah.

00:36:33.640 So the issue is our one is actually greater because if you think about it, sister, off topic, I'm so sorry.

00:36:37.340 I'm a passionate.

00:36:38.040 When it comes to this, I've got a mad one.

00:36:40.060 When it comes to this issue, you share a husband.

00:36:43.340 When I go and die, I leave an inheritance, which my wife will enjoy with a new husband. 0.55

00:36:48.500 Yeah.

00:36:48.660 Which one is worse?

00:36:49.960 Yeah, but you're talking on a rare case.

00:36:51.900 That's very selfish.

00:36:53.200 No, no, no, no, not necessarily.

00:36:53.860 That's not often.

00:36:55.120 Sister, am I?

00:36:55.940 Lygamy happens often.

00:36:56.740 Okay.

00:36:56.960 Yes, it is.

00:36:57.420 But you know why, sister?

00:36:58.560 And I say this, you know what I say, yeah?

00:37:00.080 And I know it's off topic, yeah?

00:37:02.140 I say this to every sister.

00:37:03.440 And he says that comes to me and says, my husband is getting a second wife.

00:37:06.540 I ask simple, basic questions.

00:37:09.320 Sister, this husband of yours, does he pray salaam?

00:37:12.060 Yes.

00:37:12.560 Does he fast?

00:37:13.300 Yes.

00:37:14.020 Does he give his zakah?

00:37:14.740 Good.

00:37:15.440 Is he good to you?

00:37:16.980 Good, yeah?

00:37:18.080 Okay.

00:37:18.600 Does he feel not?

00:37:19.300 Good.

00:37:19.640 Have you ever caught him talking to girls behind your back?

00:37:22.100 No, no, none of that.

00:37:23.380 Generally good guy?

00:37:24.180 Yes.

00:37:24.460 Loving?

00:37:25.280 Provides?

00:37:25.960 Loves the kids?

00:37:26.980 I would say you are out of your mind to end that marriage because he's getting a second wife. 0.98

00:37:31.900 Because you know why?

00:37:32.740 The problem is not going to run away.

00:37:34.220 The next man you marry, it's going to come in different forms.

00:37:37.000 Either he's going to be doing it in a haram way, even he's going to do it secret, or he's going to do it openly.

00:37:41.100 And I honor the man who does it openly rather than secretly.

00:37:43.660 But what I'm seeing is sister, is that wallahil adheem.

00:37:47.940 Every single man is polygamous.

00:37:51.720 Bring me, if you want, we'll do a test.

00:37:54.380 But do you agree that some men prefer just that?

00:37:58.300 They do say that it's a headache having two wives or three wives.

00:38:02.420 Some men do actually just want one.

00:38:04.200 Okay, sister.

00:38:04.780 Now, no, no, no, sister.

00:38:06.220 The moment they say it's a headache, where do you think the headache is stemming from?

00:38:09.980 The first wife.

00:38:10.800 The moment a man says it's a headache, you know what he's saying?

00:38:13.640 Not the headache that if I have two wives, the headache my first wife is going to cause me. 1.00

00:38:17.880 Because they're not saying I'm happy with my first wife.

00:38:20.780 They're saying it's the headache.

00:38:22.640 Yeah?

00:38:23.100 Okay.

00:38:23.360 Yeah, my brother.

00:38:25.520 I know it, brother.

00:38:27.480 But Ali, but it's okay to have, like if a man has one wife, there is, do you know men that have just one wife and they're happy?

00:38:34.100 Sister, let me tell you something, yeah?

00:38:35.500 Shall I be honest with you, sister, yeah?

00:38:36.800 Yeah, go on.

00:38:37.420 Wallahil adheem.

00:38:38.180 I deal with these cases in the sense where I speak to, I speak to Jahil people, I speak to people who are God conscious, I speak to semi-practicing people, I speak to people who do the basic.

00:38:48.460 I see one thing in common.

00:38:50.340 All of them.

00:38:51.520 How many men are there?

00:38:52.080 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

00:38:54.320 I dare anybody, and Sister Amir's husband is here as well, yeah? 0.98

00:38:56.680 Unless you've got a gun to his head. 0.98

00:38:59.040 Wallahi, I'm telling you. 0.98

00:39:00.520 Every single man in here is polygamous. 0.69

00:39:03.860 Every single man.

00:39:04.840 Now, the man, if he, the only reason why he would, argument's sake, would not be looking for that, like you said, the headache.

00:39:12.900 Number two, for example, in this country.

00:39:15.500 Could he just be satisfied with one woman? 0.94

00:39:17.760 Shall I tell you something?

00:39:18.620 Wallahi, uqsun billah.

00:39:20.400 I'll take an off by Allah.

00:39:21.440 There is not a single man that could be happy with marrying one woman all his life.

00:39:26.920 Void.

00:39:28.640 You're really angering me.

00:39:29.920 Okay, okay, no, Sister, but the topic, just come back.

00:39:31.980 This is a different issue.

00:39:33.020 Sorry, I just had to do that for you.

00:39:34.220 No, no, it's fine.

00:39:34.900 Do you want in one and a half minute?

00:39:36.060 No, no, no.

00:39:36.740 Okay, but yeah, yeah, but my dear sister, do you know why I emphasise on this topic, yeah?

00:39:41.020 Some people feel I emphasise on this topic because it's a brother's thing and, you know, we've got the brother's side.

00:39:45.740 One of the main reasons I emphasise on this topic is the following, yeah?

00:39:48.680 Because sisters are living in Disneyland.

00:39:51.640 Let me tell you why.

00:39:52.860 They think this Romeo and Juliet, look, Romeo and Juliet.

00:39:57.000 What's wrong with that?

00:39:57.760 There's nothing wrong with it.

00:39:58.760 It's a dream.

00:40:00.600 Because you guys can't fulfil it.

00:40:02.140 Is that what it is?

00:40:02.760 Yes.

00:40:03.380 So what I'm saying is this, sister, yeah?

00:40:05.280 Me, look, any man that's, for example, it's as good as me saying, or all of these brothers here, yeah?

00:40:11.200 Most of them are married, yeah?

00:40:12.220 It's as good as us saying, I'm going to divorce my wife because she nags a lot. 1.00

00:40:16.080 Brother, the next woman you're going to marry is going to nag a lot. 1.00

00:40:18.560 And the next one that you're going to marry is going to nag a lot. 1.00

00:40:20.600 Am I running away from the problem?

00:40:22.180 No.

00:40:22.560 It's just coming in a different form.

00:40:23.560 Maybe she would have a worse habit than my wife, plus the nagging argument. 1.00

00:40:26.800 I know that I'm saying my wife has that.

00:40:28.360 May Allah bless her and preserve her, you know, amazing woman, alhamdulillah, yeah?

00:40:31.800 And now, the point I'm saying is this, though.

00:40:34.020 When the sisters think that he's polygamous, I'm going to leave and find another man he's not. 1.00

00:40:39.180 You are dreaming.

00:40:40.540 That man, Eva, marry somebody who's in his 50s, I'll say, you know what?

00:40:44.560 Yeah, now he's calmed down a bit.

00:40:46.840 You know, his driver's calmed down a bit.

00:40:49.080 Maybe.

00:40:50.020 But if you are going to marry somebody in their 30s, I'm telling you, that man, if you ask them, I'm totally okay, darling.

00:40:58.940 Yeah?

00:40:59.200 I'm going to look at the camera.

00:41:00.360 If you sisters went to your husband and said, I have zero problem.

00:41:05.100 And they're going to look at you thinking, is she testing me?

00:41:07.000 In his head, it's going to be like, is this woman testing me? 0.94

00:41:09.340 And you're like, no, listen.

00:41:10.500 And you say, wallahi, take the Quran and go, wallahi, I have no problem. 1.00

00:41:13.480 You know what she'll say?

00:41:14.400 Okay, are you picking her or shall I find her?

00:41:16.660 That's what will happen.

00:41:17.720 Are you going to find her or shall I find her?

00:41:19.500 Simple.

00:41:19.840 You know why?

00:41:20.300 Because it's in our blood, it's in our DNA.

00:41:21.940 So I tell sisters, do not destroy your marriages.

00:41:24.680 And I know polygamy is like in the Somali community. 0.96

00:41:27.160 Like, alhamdulillah, it is. 0.60

00:41:27.860 It is strife.

00:41:29.320 And may Allah bless the Somali brothers.

00:41:31.120 As long as, no, no, no, as long as they are just.

00:41:32.880 No, no, as long as they are just.

00:41:33.800 I'm so sorry, I'm going on a tangent.

00:41:35.360 As long as they are just.

00:41:36.760 I'm talking about this very specific.

00:41:38.380 God-fearing man who takes care of his wife, who loves his wife,

00:41:40.880 who looks after her, not abusing her, not making her go do the shopping.

00:41:46.360 La, la, la, la, la.

00:41:47.020 I'm talking about a decent man of taqwa who cares and loves his wife,

00:41:51.920 who is there for his wife.

00:41:53.440 He's there for his kids.

00:41:55.300 Do not divorce this man because you are not running away from the problem.

00:41:58.180 Yeah.

00:41:58.540 Ali, can I just add?

00:41:59.800 Sorry.

00:42:00.060 Is there like a condition to men?

00:42:02.820 Because I find that often men that are actually not even provided for,

00:42:06.340 or doing well by the first, or doing right by the first wife,

00:42:09.400 are getting married left, right, and center.

00:42:11.120 Okay.

00:42:11.760 So, so I would say, sister, the moment you violate the rights,

00:42:14.320 look, a woman in Islam has rights. 0.91

00:42:16.260 Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given her rights

00:42:18.120 that the Western women were fighting 100 years ago to get. 1.00

00:42:20.980 Do you know, in the UK, in this country,

00:42:23.240 a man could go and sell his wife in the market. 1.00

00:42:25.500 Do you know that?

00:42:26.160 He could have taken, easy, he could have.

00:42:27.300 In the UK, there was a right that he can take his wife and say,

00:42:30.540 you know what, I'm a debt to next man.

00:42:31.980 I need, I'm going to sell my wife. 1.00

00:42:33.860 Did this happen in Islam?

00:42:35.040 Never.

00:42:35.700 So, in Islam, if a woman is, and by the way, 0.78

00:42:38.400 again, I need to repeat that.

00:42:40.540 Just so they say two types of people don't know,

00:42:42.340 the one who's shy and the one who's arrogant.

00:42:44.320 That's why I mentioned this, so we're all adults here as well.

00:42:46.440 If a woman is not sexually satisfied, 0.99

00:42:48.960 she has a right to divorce. 1.00

00:42:51.380 If she comes and says,

00:42:52.460 I am not satisfied from this man,

00:42:55.120 salamu alaikum,

00:42:55.800 that man can't cry because it's her haqq. 1.00

00:42:58.700 So, it's very, so people don't know this.

00:43:00.500 And I think if I'm not mistaken,

00:43:01.560 a woman came to the Prophet Muhammad,

00:43:02.760 peace be upon him,

00:43:03.640 complaining about this.

00:43:04.740 So, the Prophet didn't say, 0.99

00:43:06.220 how dare you, you immodest woman. 1.00

00:43:08.440 La, brother, this is Islam. 1.00

00:43:10.340 This is not your debt culture,

00:43:11.440 but assalamu alaikum, yeah,

00:43:12.320 whatever it is, yeah,

00:43:13.240 whatever culture you're from.

00:43:14.760 Islam says she has her haqq. 0.99

00:43:16.760 If she realizes, hold on a second,

00:43:18.220 this man doesn't provide for me.

00:43:19.540 He doesn't even intimately please me.

00:43:21.860 He's wanting to get a second wife. 0.96

00:43:22.980 Salamu alaikum, ya Allah,

00:43:24.040 what is it?

00:43:24.360 Watakakul gulgul, yeah?

00:43:25.780 Hit the wrong brother, ya Allah, 1.00

00:43:26.860 salamu alaikum, yeah?

00:43:28.200 Sorry, let's come back to this topic, yeah?

00:43:30.180 Now, the final topic is the following.

00:43:32.980 When it comes to interracial marriages,

00:43:34.600 I know there's this tribal issue, yeah?

00:43:37.140 We're going to talk,

00:43:37.880 we've got a whole episode

00:43:38.440 on interracial marriages as well, yeah?

00:43:40.320 We're going to do,

00:43:40.960 but just in a nutshell,

00:43:41.720 with the Somali community,

00:43:42.620 how do you guys deal with,

00:43:44.100 for example,

00:43:44.720 if there was a white brother

00:43:45.960 who's a revert,

00:43:47.140 a Nigerian brother,

00:43:49.280 Jamaican brother,

00:43:49.800 or a white sister, 0.99

00:43:51.000 now a Nigerian sister,

00:43:51.920 how do you guys deal with it?

00:43:53.900 Or is it,

00:43:54.320 how is it?

00:43:54.620 Is it frowned upon?

00:43:55.300 Is it, yeah?

00:43:58.060 Yani,

00:43:58.780 on this issue,

00:43:59.560 for me,

00:43:59.980 it's like,

00:44:00.640 how can I say?

00:44:02.420 First and foremost,

00:44:03.320 interracial marriage is allowed.

00:44:04.980 It's halal in Islam, yeah?

00:44:06.880 And, yani,

00:44:07.540 it's highly celebrated.

00:44:08.700 It's happening, right?

00:44:10.080 But my thing is this.

00:44:12.400 Understand this thing, yeah?

00:44:14.180 If you want to go all out,

00:44:16.280 Romeo and Juliet, yeah?

00:44:17.520 What do I mean?

00:44:18.380 Do not listen to your parents,

00:44:19.820 go outside of your ethnicity.

00:44:21.980 I mean,

00:44:22.480 there will be some issues.

00:44:24.440 Your grandma's type of food,

00:44:25.960 your mother's type of food,

00:44:27.200 that type of food

00:44:27.980 will no longer be served, yeah?

00:44:30.040 Language barrier, yeah?

00:44:32.060 Say goodbye to all of these,

00:44:34.120 yani,

00:44:34.420 smooth conversations.

00:44:35.880 It's all about

00:44:36.680 misunderstanding now.

00:44:38.940 I mean,

00:44:39.360 are we going to pretend,

00:44:40.540 yeah?

00:44:41.040 That you're going to understand

00:44:42.980 your in-laws' inside jokes,

00:44:45.600 yeah?

00:44:46.280 My brother,

00:44:47.660 Google Translate

00:44:48.880 will become your best friend,

00:44:50.640 yeah?

00:44:51.480 So,

00:44:52.440 in a nutshell,

00:44:53.800 my thing is this.

00:44:54.880 If you want to go

00:44:55.680 all out interracial,

00:44:56.880 it's halal, yes?

00:44:57.800 However,

00:44:58.500 it will come with a lot of love,

00:45:00.380 laughter,

00:45:01.360 yeah?

00:45:01.920 Hard times,

00:45:02.880 miscommunication.

00:45:04.120 So,

00:45:04.760 yani,

00:45:04.960 it's up to you.

00:45:05.940 In the Somali community,

00:45:07.040 we usually stick

00:45:08.640 to ourselves, yeah?

00:45:10.700 Yani,

00:45:10.940 we are very homogenous.

00:45:12.860 There is a saying,

00:45:13.920 yani,

00:45:14.260 when you see a Somali, 0.98

00:45:15.460 you know he's a Somali

00:45:16.560 or she's a Somali.

00:45:17.580 There is a distinct look,

00:45:19.280 yeah?

00:45:19.560 The phenotype.

00:45:20.820 So,

00:45:21.100 the thing is,

00:45:21.600 yeah,

00:45:21.760 we like to stick together,

00:45:23.380 yani,

00:45:23.680 marry each other.

00:45:25.180 So,

00:45:25.720 yani,

00:45:25.940 that's basically it.

00:45:27.300 Okay.

00:45:27.660 Yeah,

00:45:27.780 can I just say,

00:45:28.720 I think it's interesting

00:45:30.020 that you have this approach now.

00:45:32.260 I came across a video of you,

00:45:34.180 right?

00:45:35.580 Where you was talking about

00:45:37.540 interracial marriage

00:45:39.040 in such a degrading

00:45:40.200 and denigrating manner,

00:45:41.500 in particular towards

00:45:42.460 those who are 0.96

00:45:44.000 of the black race 0.98

00:45:45.180 that you keep referring to

00:45:46.080 as jerer,

00:45:46.660 right?

00:45:47.340 So,

00:45:47.780 there's a lot of anti-blackness

00:45:48.940 that exists within

00:45:49.640 the Somali culture.

00:45:50.240 I think we know that,

00:45:51.020 right?

00:45:51.660 And you kept on mentioning,

00:45:52.720 there's a video that I saw

00:45:53.500 of you on my FYP.

00:45:55.400 Unfortunately,

00:45:55.880 I don't know how I came across it.

00:45:56.980 He says a lot more than that.

00:45:58.120 I don't know why

00:45:58.580 he's being like this today.

00:45:59.460 Let me just quickly say,

00:46:01.040 in that video,

00:46:02.900 you were saying,

00:46:03.420 I would never let my daughter

00:46:04.400 marry a jerer, 0.99

00:46:05.620 you know,

00:46:05.940 jerer this,

00:46:06.860 you know?

00:46:07.260 So,

00:46:07.700 it's interesting how you suddenly

00:46:08.740 now have a different approach

00:46:09.860 or very much,

00:46:11.120 oh,

00:46:11.240 Islam,

00:46:11.660 you know,

00:46:12.120 accepts it,

00:46:12.840 but you weren't saying that

00:46:13.900 in your video.

00:46:14.460 First and foremost,

00:46:15.400 I don't have a different approach.

00:46:17.060 That particular video

00:46:18.160 was a comeback

00:46:19.500 or a reaction video

00:46:20.820 back to a man,

00:46:22.040 yeah?

00:46:22.520 A man,

00:46:23.000 a jerer man who said,

00:46:24.340 I will never let my daughter

00:46:25.920 touch a Somali, 0.99

00:46:27.220 yeah? 0.64

00:46:27.380 These pirates,

00:46:28.780 banana eating, 0.98

00:46:29.860 big foreheads,

00:46:30.760 yeah?

00:46:30.840 That wasn't true.

00:46:31.340 I'll never let my daughter

00:46:32.960 touch one of these.

00:46:34.020 So,

00:46:34.600 what did I do?

00:46:35.840 I did a comeback video.

00:46:37.440 That's basically it.

00:46:38.960 Yeah.

00:46:39.260 Okay,

00:46:39.560 so,

00:46:39.680 okay,

00:46:40.220 if you,

00:46:40.960 if you,

00:46:41.320 okay,

00:46:42.240 if you,

00:46:42.980 obviously,

00:46:43.820 he's saying that he came

00:46:45.540 from that angle,

00:46:46.120 which is like,

00:46:46.740 that they were being racist

00:46:48.280 towards the Somalis.

00:46:49.400 Yes.

00:46:50.340 That's what he said.

00:46:51.500 Yes.

00:46:51.920 He has a right to defend himself

00:46:53.240 in that sense.

00:46:54.440 But,

00:46:55.020 let's just,

00:46:55.860 I understand your concerns.

00:46:56.960 I understand.

00:46:57.460 I'm not going to stop you.

00:46:58.140 But,

00:46:58.540 let's just,

00:46:59.080 you know,

00:46:59.380 just go back to like,

00:47:00.560 the Somali community

00:47:01.180 when it comes to tribalism.

00:47:02.400 I think there's strong tribalism,

00:47:03.700 if I'm not mistaken.

00:47:04.700 And by the way,

00:47:05.460 we'll touch upon this just so,

00:47:06.520 it's because you asked as well,

00:47:07.400 sister.

00:47:07.980 Maybe,

00:47:08.320 why don't you ask about myself

00:47:09.280 and this whole Somali thing

00:47:10.520 that's happening?

00:47:11.020 Okay,

00:47:11.240 so this is for all of the Somali community.

00:47:14.100 I've let them know that I was coming on

00:47:15.800 and they wanted to know

00:47:17.340 and they believe that you

00:47:19.120 have something against

00:47:20.560 the Somali community,

00:47:22.200 in particular,

00:47:23.120 the Somali women.

00:47:23.820 So can you answer this,

00:47:25.440 Ali? 0.52

00:47:25.740 Because this is literally

00:47:27.020 what they want to know.

00:47:28.240 Yeah,

00:47:28.600 to be honest,

00:47:29.000 I can give an answer

00:47:29.660 that will shut everyone up,

00:47:30.560 but I'm just going to go

00:47:31.160 with the option B.

00:47:32.460 The option B is basically

00:47:33.460 that there's this,

00:47:34.440 basically,

00:47:35.860 I don't know if you guys

00:47:36.320 know my marriage documentary.

00:47:37.380 Have you heard of it?

00:47:38.200 No.

00:47:38.500 Okay,

00:47:38.680 so marriage documentary

00:47:39.320 is my marriage,

00:47:40.660 my journey as an Orthodox Muslim

00:47:42.000 to finding my wife.

00:47:43.660 So it's my journey

00:47:44.200 and I documented it.

00:47:45.180 This is what I went through,

00:47:45.880 this is what happened,

00:47:46.720 this is the good times,

00:47:47.400 this is the bad times,

00:47:47.860 this is when I was broke,

00:47:48.640 this is da, da, da, da.

00:47:49.220 So I'm just talking about

00:47:49.880 ups and downs

00:47:50.400 and telling people

00:47:51.000 how to go about it

00:47:51.800 and the lesson,

00:47:52.380 lifelessness they can learn

00:47:53.100 from what I've learned.

00:47:54.300 So in that very instance,

00:47:55.840 the documentary,

00:47:56.940 we've turned into

00:47:57.320 a kind of a docudrama.

00:47:58.540 So meaning is,

00:47:58.960 we have certain actors

00:47:59.860 on real life situations

00:48:01.140 that happened.

00:48:01.960 So what we did is,

00:48:03.020 we had a Somali uncle.

00:48:04.780 Now this Somali uncle 0.96

00:48:05.500 is representing a real story

00:48:06.580 that happened to me.

00:48:07.440 There was a Somali sister

00:48:08.180 I was getting to know

00:48:08.960 for marriage.

00:48:09.860 Very early on

00:48:10.580 when I first came to Islam,

00:48:12.160 it was in a Haram relationship,

00:48:13.240 it was someone

00:48:13.940 that I had interest in it.

00:48:15.240 She had interest in myself as well.

00:48:17.200 So there's perception

00:48:17.840 as if I liked her,

00:48:19.300 she didn't like me

00:48:20.540 and I'm hurt about it

00:48:21.680 and I'm like,

00:48:22.040 oh no,

00:48:22.340 I need to take care

00:48:22.820 of the Somali community,

00:48:23.980 which I don't know

00:48:24.840 where the hell

00:48:25.280 that came from.

00:48:26.340 Number one,

00:48:28.140 in Islam,

00:48:29.600 to even bring it together

00:48:31.200 that I have an issue

00:48:31.860 with the Somalis, 0.94

00:48:32.780 it's preposterous

00:48:33.780 because my Quran teachers

00:48:35.380 and yes,

00:48:36.160 it's someone like, 0.83

00:48:36.660 oh, my friend is black. 0.93

00:48:37.660 But it's the haqq. 0.97

00:48:38.540 Like, not only that,

00:48:39.940 it's, I'm not racist.

00:48:41.220 The point is the following.

00:48:42.680 We done a part

00:48:43.680 which was a short trailer

00:48:44.800 which is the Somali uncle

00:48:46.240 shouting at me and saying,

00:48:47.620 stay away from my niece.

00:48:49.100 Now, this is what really happened.

00:48:51.460 But what I'm doing is

00:48:52.420 I'm reenacting a certain scene.

00:48:54.520 This happened to me

00:48:55.120 with the Eritreans.

00:48:55.980 There was an Eritrean sister

00:48:56.680 that was getting

00:48:56.960 to know for marriage.

00:48:57.920 The same thing happened.

00:48:58.860 There was a Bengali sister

00:49:00.020 that was getting

00:49:00.320 to know for marriage.

00:49:01.060 The same thing happened.

00:49:02.100 With the Pakistanis, 1.00

00:49:02.940 it wasn't that bad.

00:49:04.100 Yeah?

00:49:04.480 But I got racism

00:49:05.360 left, right, center.

00:49:06.460 This was with a specific

00:49:07.340 Somali sister that happened. 0.57

00:49:09.680 She wanted to marry me 0.68

00:49:10.780 and there was a promise

00:49:12.680 that we wanted to marry

00:49:13.340 but the uncle didn't want it.

00:49:15.020 The uncle was just saying

00:49:15.540 basically he's

00:49:16.940 Achennebi.

00:49:18.520 Achennebi, yeah.

00:49:19.380 So basically,

00:49:20.140 like he's not,

00:49:20.580 I don't know what that means.

00:49:21.120 A foreigner. 0.97

00:49:21.620 Yeah, he's a foreigner, 1.00

00:49:23.980 et cetera,

00:49:24.320 and this, that.

00:49:24.940 And look,

00:49:25.260 at the end of the day,

00:49:25.880 I said to myself,

00:49:26.860 we can go ahead with this

00:49:27.980 but I wonder,

00:49:28.780 when you marry,

00:49:29.280 you're marrying families.

00:49:30.120 Exactly.

00:49:30.540 I don't want your uncle,

00:49:31.420 he's not happy,

00:49:32.480 et cetera.

00:49:32.920 So I cut it

00:49:33.620 because to me,

00:49:34.660 it was like,

00:49:35.420 it's not.

00:49:36.000 It starts off really badly anyway.

00:49:37.380 So that is where

00:49:38.240 it's stemming from

00:49:39.200 and then there was a video

00:49:40.780 about,

00:49:41.340 I don't know if you've heard,

00:49:41.800 you know Sheikh Saeed,

00:49:43.080 the Somali?

00:49:43.700 Yes, yes.

00:49:44.460 So he made a comment

00:49:45.160 about the African-Americans.

00:49:46.700 Oh, they don't know

00:49:47.480 who their fathers are.

00:49:48.520 Then this African-American 0.99

00:49:49.800 brother came out

00:49:50.300 and said,

00:49:50.500 oh, Somali girls 1.00

00:49:51.380 in this that are doing,

00:49:52.360 I don't want to repeat it.

00:49:53.760 Yeah.

00:49:54.220 I had done a video

00:49:55.140 where I'm quoting

00:49:56.600 that maybe it was my fault.

00:49:57.940 Maybe I was quoting him saying,

00:49:59.560 Somali girls,

00:50:00.220 da da da da da.

00:50:01.100 I was defending,

00:50:02.240 I was saying,

00:50:02.820 how could you say this?

00:50:03.520 This is slander.

00:50:04.340 Yeah.

00:50:04.880 So they were like,

00:50:05.940 oh, why are you tightening like that?

00:50:07.920 So from there onwards,

00:50:09.400 there's this perception.

00:50:09.960 You've fired a hate train.

00:50:10.820 Yeah, it's a perception

00:50:11.820 but it mainly comes

00:50:12.760 from the non-practice in Somalis.

00:50:14.040 I've realized.

00:50:15.020 And then I was trending on Twitter.

00:50:16.380 People were like,

00:50:16.900 Alhamdulillah,

00:50:17.620 the uncle rejected you.

00:50:19.020 They dodged the bullet.

00:50:20.140 And I thought to myself,

00:50:21.480 look, I understand.

00:50:22.760 I never, ever offended.

00:50:24.040 All I'm just saying is,

00:50:25.020 this is a story that happened.

00:50:26.900 I don't have animosity.

00:50:28.360 It was just,

00:50:28.740 this is what happened.

00:50:29.460 This is how I dealt with it.

00:50:30.460 And I moved on.

00:50:31.440 That was it.

00:50:32.020 But that's where it's stemming from.

00:50:33.460 So other than that,

00:50:34.400 wallahi,

00:50:34.940 anyone that knows me,

00:50:36.340 come on, man.

00:50:36.880 I'm so sorry, man.

00:50:38.140 Who knows me?

00:50:39.040 My favorite.

00:50:39.560 Come on, man.

00:50:39.940 Somali,

00:50:40.200 what was it?

00:50:42.080 The Gag. 0.59

00:50:42.660 So you do, you do.

00:50:43.940 Yes.

00:50:44.740 Alhamdulillah,

00:50:45.140 no one, no.

00:50:45.480 Nothing against the Somalis.

00:50:46.300 Anyone that says to me,

00:50:47.140 I'm an issue with Somalis 1.00

00:50:47.700 is out of their mind. 1.00

00:50:48.520 They should go to the mental institute. 0.99

00:50:50.080 I'm so sorry.

00:50:50.760 It's impossible.

00:50:52.080 So that's where it stems from.

00:50:53.520 Okay.

00:50:54.000 But going back to the topic

00:50:54.980 of international marriages,

00:50:56.020 tribalism,

00:50:57.140 is that right?

00:50:58.280 Like, I've heard that.

00:50:58.900 You guys don't even marriage

00:50:59.540 from different tribes.

00:51:01.240 Am I right or wrong?

00:51:02.060 Yeah, tribes are such a big issue 1.00

00:51:04.340 in our community. 0.96

00:51:05.380 I think it's utterly disgusting.

00:51:07.700 I, like, literally,

00:51:09.100 you know,

00:51:09.620 I think hopefully

00:51:10.380 everyone on the panel

00:51:11.320 is non-qabilist.

00:51:13.280 We don't like that sort of stuff.

00:51:15.260 Yeah, yeah.

00:51:15.560 We're trying to move away from that.

00:51:17.020 But there are people

00:51:18.440 that are still very,

00:51:19.520 very strong in their qabil

00:51:21.360 and they're like,

00:51:22.000 we're not going to marry this qabil, 1.00

00:51:23.220 we're not going to marry that qabil. 1.00

00:51:24.220 Why?

00:51:25.320 Are they that lower caste? 0.99

00:51:26.200 They think they're inferior.

00:51:27.000 They think they're inferior.

00:51:28.200 They're lower.

00:51:29.040 Like, what do they say?

00:51:30.860 What's that saying?

00:51:31.900 Langab.

00:51:33.160 Langab, lander.

00:51:34.140 What does that mean?

00:51:35.120 Like, I don't know.

00:51:35.820 Why do you translate that?

00:51:36.440 So Langab is basically like,

00:51:38.180 it's like a lower caste.

00:51:39.320 Yeah, it's like a derogatory way

00:51:40.680 of saying they're inferior to us,

00:51:42.560 you know?

00:51:43.120 Yeah.

00:51:43.840 Langab is,

00:51:44.560 I mean, your lineage is short

00:51:46.340 and basically that's it.

00:51:47.740 But it's used as an insult.

00:51:48.640 It's a derogatory term.

00:51:49.740 But it's an insult, right?

00:51:50.740 To call people names.

00:51:51.420 It's not a good word, yeah.

00:51:52.680 I don't like it.

00:51:53.400 Yeah.

00:51:53.760 It's not a good word.

00:51:54.280 It's an insult, yeah.

00:51:55.120 So if you was,

00:51:55.860 argument's sake,

00:51:56.360 if you guys was to marry

00:51:58.060 a non-Somali,

00:52:00.460 how would the family,

00:52:02.140 like,

00:52:02.680 not you guys specifically,

00:52:03.780 just how do they deal with,

00:52:05.420 okay, this person,

00:52:06.260 are they more like,

00:52:07.020 okay with a specific race?

00:52:07.960 Like, if it's a white revert, 0.99

00:52:08.860 are they okay with it?

00:52:09.740 Or if it's like a,

00:52:11.300 is it Jamaican or black?

00:52:12.980 I don't know.

00:52:13.620 Like, is it change?

00:52:15.240 Or is it?

00:52:16.100 Yeah.

00:52:16.420 I mean, nowadays,

00:52:17.280 there are more and more Somali people,

00:52:19.700 men and women,

00:52:21.000 particularly now that we've got

00:52:22.300 the world of TikTok,

00:52:23.500 like, it's so,

00:52:24.180 I can see a lot more.

00:52:25.460 And I think it's become

00:52:26.360 more acceptable.

00:52:27.980 Yeah.

00:52:28.280 And parents,

00:52:28.940 I've spoken to, like,

00:52:30.320 a few older parents

00:52:31.660 and they've said,

00:52:32.560 my daughter's got married 0.98

00:52:33.440 to a black man 0.97

00:52:34.860 and as long as my daughter

00:52:36.740 is happy

00:52:37.320 and I congratulate her

00:52:39.560 because that,

00:52:40.300 ultimately,

00:52:41.140 that's all that matters

00:52:41.900 at the end of the day,

00:52:42.720 in my personal opinion,

00:52:44.140 is this person going to look

00:52:45.600 after your daughter

00:52:46.860 or, you know,

00:52:47.780 vice versa.

00:52:49.440 I think it's become

00:52:50.420 a lot more accepting.

00:52:51.760 But, yeah,

00:52:52.640 certainly,

00:52:53.220 I think maybe some races,

00:52:54.580 they probably think

00:52:55.680 is inferior than others.

00:52:57.820 So they're probably

00:52:58.660 more accepting

00:52:59.360 of a white man,

00:53:00.680 perhaps,

00:53:01.280 in the Somali community.

00:53:03.140 Someone maybe more closer

00:53:04.600 to that has already

00:53:05.960 Islam,

00:53:07.620 like,

00:53:07.940 if they're Muslim already. 0.54

00:53:09.820 Yeah.

00:53:10.320 Yeah.

00:53:10.800 But anyways,

00:53:11.500 okay,

00:53:11.740 I don't think

00:53:12.340 there's anything else

00:53:12.900 to be added on.

00:53:13.980 Is there anything

00:53:14.260 that we need to know

00:53:14.740 about the Somali culture?

00:53:16.280 Anything that we've missed?

00:53:16.760 Are Somali black or...

00:53:18.560 Okay, that's interesting.

00:53:19.420 A lot of people come and say,

00:53:20.120 are Somali black or not?

00:53:28.040 But they say...

00:53:28.780 Okay, okay.

00:53:29.680 Are Somali black?

00:53:30.800 What is black? 0.53

00:53:33.060 Black is a term. 0.96

00:53:34.600 Black is a term 1.00

00:53:35.300 that wasn't made

00:53:35.900 by black people before.

00:53:36.880 There's different types of acts.

00:53:39.420 There's loads of different types of acts.

00:53:40.680 I identify as Muslim,

00:53:43.160 Somali.

00:53:44.420 I identify as African.

00:53:46.240 Are you black?

00:53:47.500 No. 0.90

00:53:49.460 Okay, anyways,

00:53:50.040 we'll say that for another day.

00:53:51.740 Anyways, guys,

00:53:52.400 it was a pleasure.

00:53:53.180 Thank you very much, guys.

00:53:53.980 May Allah bless you.

00:53:54.420 We're all the way from Sweden.

00:53:55.440 We need you more in the show,

00:53:56.220 inshallah.

00:53:56.600 And you.

00:53:56.900 And sisters, 0.84

00:53:58.260 thank you.

00:53:58.580 May Allah bless you

00:53:59.020 for your take, inshallah.

00:54:00.060 Thank you.

00:54:00.680 Guys, guys, guys.

00:54:02.500 One second.

00:54:03.180 Till next time,

00:54:03.840 brothers and sisters,

00:54:04.240 on the Bitter Trip Show.

00:54:04.920 If you guys want,

00:54:05.480 we want different cultures.

00:54:06.380 We want Moroccans, 1.00

00:54:06.960 Algerians,

00:54:07.460 Turks,

00:54:07.800 Kurds,

00:54:08.380 Nigerians,

00:54:09.960 Congolese,

00:54:10.620 whatever.

00:54:11.020 Please apply.

00:54:12.180 And we would love to have you guys

00:54:13.140 on the show

00:54:13.420 and know about your culture

00:54:14.340 like we did with our

00:54:15.120 Somali brothers and sisters.

00:54:16.460 Till next time.

00:54:16.960 As-salamu alaykum

00:54:17.560 wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

00:54:18.760 So, guys,

00:54:21.720 if you are somebody

00:54:22.660 who trains like me

00:54:23.500 when I'm doing boxing,

00:54:24.380 when I'm jogging,

00:54:25.380 when I'm doing bodybuilding,

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Ali Dawah - August 27, 2023

SOMALI CULTURE, MARRIAGE, WEDDING - EP 14 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

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