Ali Dawah


THE REALITY 11 ｜｜ THE BROKEN PROMISE


Episode Stats

Misogynist Sentences

2

Hate Speech Sentences

14


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh brothers and sisters and dear friends.
00:00:29.180 Welcome to Reality 11. On this episode we're going to be talking about the broken promise.
00:00:33.580 The promise that was given to a certain sister from a brother regarding marriage and he had all the vital signs there to build the trust of the sister.
00:00:41.600 Well that didn't go to plan and the sister was left traumatized.
00:00:44.720 We're going to go straight into that interview but before we do, obviously as you guys know Pure Matrimony sponsors our shows and it's the most halal website to find your partner.
00:00:53.340 And all the halal means are there for you and the options on the site for you to take that halal approach.
00:00:58.100 And inshaAllah get married.
00:00:59.920 Now brothers and sisters, we're going to go straight into the interview and hear the sister's story.
00:01:04.940 And we're going to be straight back and talk to you guys inshaAllah of where the sister went wrong.
00:01:09.600 What could she have done and what she should not have done.
00:01:13.280 And inshaAllah this will help us and help you inshaAllah to benefit from it and do not fall for the same trap.
00:01:19.360 We're going to be right back inshaAllah.
00:01:20.460 So sister, so going straight into it, how did you meet this individual first? How do you know him?
00:01:32.160 He was a close cousin of one of my very close friends. So I was at his close friend's house regularly and obviously he'd be there too.
00:01:41.360 So initially our conversation started from that point and we just became friends.
00:01:45.640 Okay. And how old was he then?
00:01:48.280 I'm 13.
00:01:49.540 He was 13?
00:01:50.140 13.
00:01:50.560 And he was?
00:01:51.600 He was 14, just a year above.
00:01:53.320 Okay, just a year above. And this is the first time you've met?
00:01:55.640 It's the first time ever we've met and spoken.
00:01:57.360 Obviously at that age it's just friendship.
00:01:58.840 That's right, yeah.
00:01:59.400 At what point did he approach you with maybe he's got feelings for you or he wants to do this serious?
00:02:05.880 Not until I was 18. That's initially when I was approached by his close family and friends because he was too nervous and he had the decency to not approach me himself.
00:02:16.440 So he'd send people that were close to him to speak to me and just kind of know what my intention was at that stage.
00:02:23.420 So he, and how old was he then?
00:02:26.180 I was 18, he was 19.
00:02:27.480 Okay, he was 18 and he was 19 and he basically, at that age, he wanted to take things further.
00:02:32.240 That's right.
00:02:32.660 So he got his family involved.
00:02:34.200 That's right.
00:02:34.800 And someone from his family members approached you.
00:02:37.600 That's right.
00:02:38.100 And what was your reaction?
00:02:39.480 Obviously because I was really young, I was nervous. We, small place, a lot of people talk. I was, I've always been scared of people trying to defame me and talk, you know, about what you do and don't do.
00:02:49.580 So I was nervous. I was innocent. I didn't want to pursue it at the time. So I just carried on talking to him like, you know, nothing's been said.
00:02:58.300 But obviously along the way, because I knew of his intentions and because I was going through a lot at the time and he was my system of support, someone along those lines, I fell for it.
00:03:07.700 And we pursued a relationship.
00:03:09.420 Okay. So the fact that he's approaching you, obviously at a young age, you know, male and females were a bit naive.
00:03:15.660 At that age, him taking that right approach of getting the family involved, I'm sure it gave you a bit of security of, okay, he must be serious.
00:03:22.000 No, definitely. Because I'd known him for so long, I knew he was a decent character.
00:03:24.760 I had never heard a bad word about him, you know, the way he spoke to me, the way he spoke to his family members, the way he spoke to people.
00:03:31.400 He was known as, you know, a respected guy. He, he was just a good man.
00:03:36.500 Obviously, like I said, he was protective of me. He wouldn't, you know, he, he, he was almost like my shield who looked after me.
00:03:43.400 He would, you know, he was just a good person.
00:03:46.240 I could never doubt that he would have, you know, the wrong intentions towards me or towards anyone.
00:03:50.620 Okay. Um, so you did, sorry to cut you, so basically you did say that you went through some kind of depression and tried to come to suicide.
00:03:57.260 Yeah, I did. But this was just, this was, well, this was at the age of about 15, 16-ish, initially when I went inside.
00:04:04.740 I was friends with him, but obviously at that point we weren't in touch every single day.
00:04:08.880 Um, I went through a phase where I suffered from depression, um, took some stupid steps, tried to commit suicide.
00:04:15.800 So it was, it was pretty intense. Um, I then got a job working in the local area where he happened to work.
00:04:22.480 He became aware of my situations, my health, and he gave it 100% to ensure that I was okay.
00:04:28.500 Took me to counsellors, you know, medical routes, everything, just to ensure I was all right, checking up on me all the time.
00:04:34.320 Um, so I suppose he was my sense of, kind of, he had that sense of care, that's my moral support, emotional support, mental support.
00:04:43.160 He was there, if anything, as a best friend.
00:04:46.780 So all that stuff you're going through, he was there for you?
00:04:49.260 He was there. He was there through thick and thin.
00:04:52.920 He was already standing there, and he continued to stand there despite the support I got from my family.
00:04:56.500 He didn't think, oh, I'll back out now, she's got a family.
00:04:59.520 He was just there as a best friend throughout everything that I was going through.
00:05:04.640 Okay. So I'm sure, like, having that kind of support from him, and was your feelings, like, at that moment, was you,
00:05:11.660 because, because obviously he's, um, at that moment in time, and this is after his family approaches you when he was 18, right?
00:05:17.780 This was just before, well, my depression was there once I was getting to know him.
00:05:22.480 Okay.
00:05:23.120 Him knowing what I was going through, his family had approached me after.
00:05:25.640 They approached you after.
00:05:26.540 Yeah, that's right.
00:05:27.300 Before they approached you, I'm sure you, obviously, when somebody cares about you so much, you have these feelings towards him.
00:05:31.620 And then his family approaching you maybe, you know, made you, um, you know, seem more legitimate.
00:05:37.100 No, definitely.
00:05:38.000 So, okay, his family approached you, and what happened next?
00:05:41.080 Um, so like I said, I spoke to him like nothing happened.
00:05:43.840 Didn't even consider what I'd been approached with.
00:05:46.580 I just wanted to keep his friends at the time, because I was so young.
00:05:50.220 But, like I said, I think, because at the back of my head, I was aware of his intentions.
00:05:54.700 And the fact that he was, you know, he was decent, he was good, he respected me, you know, he, he cared, and he showed that love through his actions.
00:06:02.900 So somewhere along those lines, I, I fell for it as well.
00:06:06.060 Um, I suppose, because there wasn't really a flaw in him.
00:06:08.560 And I, when I thought about my future, I thought, this is the person I want to be with.
00:06:12.260 Um, obviously, most girls aren't the type of girls that can kind of, you know, pluck up the courage and get to know somebody fresh.
00:06:18.440 So, because he was a friend for so long, I was so comfortable and so confident that this was it, you know, it was him.
00:06:26.700 Were you close with his family members?
00:06:28.320 Extremely close.
00:06:29.200 Extremely close.
00:06:30.340 We were best friends.
00:06:31.080 Me and his, me and siblings were best friends.
00:06:33.040 So that was kind of like a reference where, like, it's like, you had that trust.
00:06:36.740 Definitely, yeah.
00:06:37.340 Okay, so, what, what happened is, obviously, you said a family member of his passed away.
00:06:42.880 That's right.
00:06:43.620 Um, a member of his family had passed away, and obviously, he...
00:06:48.600 Was this before?
00:06:49.740 This, this, this family member passed away just before they approached me to pursue a relationship.
00:06:54.120 Oh, just before.
00:06:55.580 Um, he completely broke down, and obviously, there was that short period where we didn't talk because he needed the time to himself.
00:07:01.560 But I remember when his family member passed away, since that point, I've always had that regret in my heart,
00:07:06.640 that why didn't I take the step to meet this individual?
00:07:08.980 So, you know, for a very long time, that regret lingered over me.
00:07:12.440 And I remember when I decided to pursue this relationship, I spoke about my feelings about, you know,
00:07:18.120 I'm sorry I wasn't, I didn't meet this individual.
00:07:20.520 I'm sorry I didn't, you know, make the effort.
00:07:22.580 And he took that regret away by taking me to this family member's grave and introducing me.
00:07:28.820 So, he took that regret away in a matter of seconds for me.
00:07:32.820 And for someone to do that, it just seemed so sincere.
00:07:35.620 So, genuine.
00:07:37.540 And like I said, I wasn't, I didn't feel like I was blinded in any way.
00:07:42.320 I just felt like this was real.
00:07:44.000 He was genuine.
00:07:45.300 You know, his intentions are genuine.
00:07:47.040 And this is what I wanted.
00:07:49.220 So, where does it come to the point where, like, did you speak about marriage?
00:07:53.240 We did, yeah.
00:07:53.880 Okay, what did he say to you?
00:07:55.380 Like, did he say to you, we're going to get married, wait for me, let me find a job?
00:07:58.380 What did he say to you?
00:07:59.240 He, he said, he obviously made his intentions clear that he wanted to marry me.
00:08:03.520 I heard that through his family members as well.
00:08:05.320 Well, you know, his parents, you know, he wants to get married, you know, this is his intention.
00:08:11.300 What are your family like?
00:08:12.340 How do you want to do this?
00:08:13.620 Obviously, I'm a girl.
00:08:14.820 I would be very scared at the young age of, you know, 19 to say to my family, you know, I have somebody that I want to marry, especially when I've got much older siblings, you know.
00:08:23.700 I was scared.
00:08:25.060 So, I said, I did say to him, look, not just yet, not just yet, not just yet, please not just yet, let me just find a way to do this.
00:08:31.460 Okay.
00:08:33.220 So, we just carried on, you know, as it was.
00:08:35.900 But all along, it was never a case where it was, will you be my girlfriend?
00:08:39.880 He has never, nobody could ever say that I was his girlfriend or he was my boyfriend.
00:08:45.240 He had that much respect that all he had ever said to me was, one more would get married, you know.
00:08:49.940 He would see families walking past his workplace, you know, when can we have a family?
00:08:54.660 You know, he had that vision of the future, not what we could do at the moment.
00:08:59.440 Like, he was just sincere.
00:09:01.380 It was just everything seemed so genuine.
00:09:02.880 So, he wanted to get married and you because of other reasons?
00:09:05.320 Yeah.
00:09:05.780 You was holding it back?
00:09:07.020 I was holding it back, I won't deny, obviously, because I was very young.
00:09:10.060 I said, look, we will do this, but let me find a way of doing it.
00:09:12.680 I didn't say, we're not going to do it now.
00:09:14.740 I said, look, I need to find somebody in the family that I could talk to.
00:09:17.760 So, I did.
00:09:18.460 Eventually, I actually spoke to an extended family member who I was very close to and I spoke about it and she said, okay, fine, you know, speak to your mum or speak to your dad or speak to your sister.
00:09:28.420 But I was scared, you know.
00:09:29.600 It's natural to have that feeling, you know, because in this, you know, day and age, society will instantly say, well, you know,
00:09:35.200 look at her age and, you know, she was doing this or she was doing that.
00:09:38.580 It was the fear of it that was holding me back.
00:09:41.500 But in the long term, my intention was that this is the person that I wanted to marry.
00:09:45.860 Okay.
00:09:46.100 So, when did it go down?
00:09:48.560 Like, for example, did they have a turn where it was, he wants to get married, you're saying, wait.
00:09:53.260 Did they have a turn where he was like, let's get married and he was like.
00:09:56.560 No.
00:09:56.800 What had happened, obviously, then his family understood.
00:09:59.040 He understood.
00:09:59.700 He did come to agree that he was relatively young and obviously he wanted to be a bit more stable, kind of build up, you know, kind of do a bit more for himself.
00:10:09.340 So, then he decided to focus on his career.
00:10:13.020 I decided to focus on my career and we just started getting on that way.
00:10:17.660 Nothing had changed between us.
00:10:18.780 We still spoke regularly.
00:10:19.840 Everything was normal.
00:10:20.720 Everything was just intact.
00:10:22.220 Yeah.
00:10:22.740 Until one day, I just noticed we started to speak less and less.
00:10:26.080 So, I approached him and said, is there something buzz in you?
00:10:28.140 You know, has something happened?
00:10:29.940 I never did I doubt I had done something.
00:10:32.560 Never did I say, what have I done?
00:10:33.980 Because I knew I'd given him, you know, the best of me.
00:10:37.140 I'd been so good to him.
00:10:38.520 I'd respected him.
00:10:39.580 You know, I was always there for him.
00:10:40.960 He had financial issues, you know, I provided.
00:10:44.220 He had family issues.
00:10:46.040 I was there.
00:10:47.220 You know, any problems he had, I had the solution.
00:10:50.040 I'd go out my way just to make sure he was okay.
00:10:52.200 So, I couldn't possibly think or understand what could be so wrong that he's slowly pulling away or slowly distancing.
00:11:00.480 So, there's this phase where you, like, you're giving it your 100% now.
00:11:07.360 I'd given it 100% from the beginning.
00:11:09.440 From the beginning, yeah.
00:11:10.560 I'd given it much more now because I knew that he told me he has X, Y and Z problems.
00:11:14.980 So, I gave everything I had just to ensure he was okay.
00:11:19.040 And when I managed to resolve his problems, I still found that something wasn't right.
00:11:24.080 He was still not talking as much or he, you know, tried to put me off calls or tried not to text back or just not be around anything.
00:11:30.320 He's caught in contact with you now.
00:11:32.700 Today, no.
00:11:33.640 We don't talk at all now.
00:11:34.780 No, no, no, no.
00:11:35.300 Like, I mean, back then.
00:11:36.500 Back then, yeah, he was still in contact with me but very rarely.
00:11:39.060 Like, he would, we were still in touch.
00:11:40.760 We still had the intention of marriage.
00:11:42.220 Yeah.
00:11:42.440 But I found that he wouldn't want to have a conversation with me anymore.
00:11:46.620 So, every time I would ring, you know, I'm busy, speak to you later.
00:11:49.640 I'll fight, text, wouldn't text back.
00:11:51.420 Or even if he saw me passing by, hi, you okay?
00:11:54.020 And walk away almost like he didn't know me.
00:11:56.440 And I found that, yeah, almost like, hi, you okay?
00:11:58.400 I'll speak to you later.
00:11:59.080 What matter of time did he become so cold?
00:12:01.300 Like, was it like over a period of five months?
00:12:03.080 To be honest with you, initially, his image started to change.
00:12:07.660 He started going gym.
00:12:09.440 He started looking after his, you know, just physical appearance and everything.
00:12:13.260 And he went into a bigger office where he had, obviously, more attention from people.
00:12:19.420 Okay.
00:12:19.780 So, life's changing and he's maybe getting more attention.
00:12:22.360 That's right.
00:12:23.020 He started to get that attention, obviously, maybe from, like I said, he became a bit more
00:12:28.360 vain, you can almost say.
00:12:29.660 So, at that point, I realised when he started to change in himself, for himself, was when
00:12:35.400 he started to change towards me also.
00:12:37.440 So, he became a bit cold.
00:12:38.400 But I didn't think that was a reason.
00:12:39.940 I didn't think that, you know, just because he's trying to do something for himself.
00:12:42.700 So, you say he really had problems or were these just excuses just to avoid you?
00:12:46.340 I think at the point when everything was happening, I thought they, his problems were his reasons.
00:12:53.060 Because I didn't want to believe or accept that the person that I've known for this long
00:12:58.640 has now changed, especially when you've had the intention of taking it all the way to marriage.
00:13:03.720 You know, when you haven't found a flaw in someone and someone's been a certain way for
00:13:07.080 so long, you don't want to accept that they can change in a matter of six, seven months.
00:13:10.680 But if I was to look at it today and now, I was honestly blinded because for what was
00:13:18.560 his excuses became almost like my pain.
00:13:21.240 Like, I did everything to make it better for him, you know.
00:13:24.280 But for him, it was just excuses, really, just to put me off and, you know, maybe go for
00:13:30.160 something better for him in his world.
00:13:33.540 You know, something that he, maybe he wanted more of something else.
00:13:36.540 You know, whatever he's like, whatever he wanted.
00:13:38.540 He obviously decided I wasn't good enough or, you know, whatever it was.
00:13:44.640 But I never heard it from him.
00:13:46.700 As harsh as it sounds, I was approached by a friend of his and said, just leave him
00:13:50.640 alone.
00:13:50.900 He doesn't want it anymore.
00:13:52.460 And that was it.
00:13:53.220 His friends.
00:13:54.260 Yeah.
00:13:55.100 Leave him alone.
00:13:55.920 You know, he doesn't want it anymore.
00:13:56.960 Just leave sort of thing.
00:13:58.840 I never heard it from him at all.
00:14:01.300 And then the person that I was initially really close to, so his sibling said to me, oh,
00:14:05.920 he's happy without you.
00:14:06.840 No reason.
00:14:07.820 Nothing along the lines of, really sorry this has happened, or, you know, are you okay?
00:14:12.920 Well, we need to sit down and talk to you.
00:14:14.300 It was just as harsh as, leave him alone.
00:14:16.400 Doesn't want it anymore.
00:14:17.420 And he's happy without you.
00:14:18.680 To this day.
00:14:19.920 How did you feel about him?
00:14:21.400 I didn't want to believe it.
00:14:22.540 I didn't believe it.
00:14:23.600 Even though I'd heard it from his immediate family, I still texted and called him like
00:14:28.760 nothing happened because I had moulded my whole life and my whole future around this
00:14:33.520 one person.
00:14:34.100 Like, I remember at tender age of 2021, you know, when the talks of him wanting to marry
00:14:40.400 me was still in the air, I remember looking and saying, this is what I want to wear on
00:14:44.760 my wedding, or this is what I want to wear, you know.
00:14:47.080 So did you have a marriage, like, for example, choosing your clothes?
00:14:50.100 Did you have this?
00:14:50.700 I had, yeah.
00:14:51.320 I started putting things together.
00:14:52.780 You know, obviously, we're girls at the end of the day.
00:14:54.220 We've got this thing.
00:14:55.120 You know, at the end of the day, Islam doesn't say that, you know, you can't fall in love.
00:14:59.780 Of course you can, but obviously there's a right way of doing it, and, you know, that
00:15:03.360 intention was always there, so I was looking at, oh, this is what I want to wear, because
00:15:06.460 at the age of, you know, 20-ish, I was intending to pursue it to our family, you know, I thought
00:15:11.440 it was a bit more sensible.
00:15:12.920 So I did.
00:15:13.520 I put all, everything together, my plans, venues, I discussed it with him, you know,
00:15:17.940 he was cooperative, so he knew I was building my whole life and my whole future around him.
00:15:23.840 He was fully aware.
00:15:25.100 I'm sure your dreams were sad.
00:15:26.520 They were.
00:15:27.000 It wasn't only my dreams, it was me, because I know I changed, you know.
00:15:31.700 Do you think, like, the fact that he wanted to get married to you, and you said, wait,
00:15:37.460 do you think that played a factor of him basically thinking, you know what, okay, I'm trying
00:15:41.520 this, that, but it's not working, so he just thought, you know what, forget it.
00:15:43.960 Like, I'm just thinking, do you think that might have played the role?
00:15:46.500 I would agree to some extent that maybe it did.
00:15:49.800 However, I think even after he, even after I told him why, I couldn't, you know, at that
00:15:58.460 point, he understood.
00:15:59.540 And if he at any point felt, no, I can't wait for you, he should have left, but he didn't.
00:16:05.700 He was there for a further two years.
00:16:07.560 If his intentions had changed or he didn't respect that, you know, that my decision is
00:16:12.660 that he might have to wait longer, he should have left.
00:16:14.620 It's wrong for him to have pursued it for a further two years.
00:16:17.680 It wasn't right, because not only did he shatter my dreams, but he destroyed, it was his soul
00:16:23.940 destroying, because you change.
00:16:25.960 Of course.
00:16:26.640 Being from the same area, I felt like I couldn't be, at home, wasn't at home anymore.
00:16:30.640 I didn't want to be at home.
00:16:31.820 There's memories.
00:16:32.680 There's memories everywhere.
00:16:33.680 I didn't want to be where I was.
00:16:36.760 I used to lock myself away in my room, and, you know, like I used to stay awake the whole
00:16:41.620 night, and the only way I used to fall asleep is if I used to cry and cry and cry.
00:16:45.880 My eyes used to swell up, you know, and my head used to take, and that would put me
00:16:48.660 to sleep.
00:16:49.920 You know, it was hard, you know, it was difficult.
00:16:51.680 Did you go back to, like, depression?
00:16:53.460 I didn't.
00:16:54.400 Alhamdulillah, I didn't.
00:16:55.460 But I know that I changed as a person in the sense that I didn't feel like...
00:17:03.280 I have a big family, so in a house full of people, I was still alone, but that wasn't
00:17:07.140 their fault.
00:17:07.860 That was my fault, because I was taking out the grief that he had given me on my family,
00:17:13.220 but I didn't realise I was doing that.
00:17:15.980 It's just that when you have that pain, you rebelled.
00:17:18.000 I rebelled in a way where, instead of taking it out on the person that's done this to me,
00:17:21.800 I took it out on my family, and that was wrong.
00:17:24.220 When my dad or my mum, my sister would come and ask me, you know, what's wrong?
00:17:27.440 My sister, I'm really sorry for putting you through this, but have you heard of him
00:17:38.560 ever since that?
00:17:40.040 For example, because you said that you heard stories from people that he's done this, the
00:17:46.660 two other individuals.
00:17:47.600 Yeah.
00:17:48.100 Obviously, I don't want to believe it, because I'd known him for so long, so I would never
00:17:50.720 doubt his character.
00:17:51.940 Obviously, when everything had happened, I'd left, and I just needed that time to kind
00:17:56.320 of, you know, rebuild myself, and I used to kind of run away from home, and not want
00:18:02.200 to look back, because it felt like being so different at home reminded me why I was being
00:18:06.800 different, and then being in the area that I was, it was just memories, really, because
00:18:11.820 you've known someone for so long, and because you've moulded your whole life, you know, in
00:18:16.300 and around them, everything will remind you of them, whether it's a place you've gone to
00:18:19.780 eat, or whether it's a road that you've driven by, or whether it's a person that you've spoken
00:18:23.740 to, that's a mutual, everything will remind you of that person.
00:18:27.980 So, I struggled a lot.
00:18:30.580 I decided to leave my job, and I decided to get a job in a completely different area, far
00:18:38.420 away from home, just so that I wouldn't have to face it.
00:18:40.480 So, you moved away from home?
00:18:41.520 Yeah.
00:18:42.000 I didn't want to face everything, so I decided to pick up, like I said, a job completely out
00:18:48.080 of the way, completely out of the area.
00:18:50.080 I, I remember that at the time that he obviously went to pursue a relationship, he did tell
00:18:55.920 me to stop talking to this, this and this person, I did it.
00:18:58.180 So, at the point that he'd left, I actually had no one around me, not a friend, no one
00:19:03.300 at all.
00:19:04.300 And that was for the reason that he wasn't happy with these people being in my life,
00:19:08.040 so.
00:19:09.040 You changed your own lifestyle, you left your friends, everything.
00:19:11.040 I, I, yeah, I listened to everything he'd wanted me to do, friends, career, everything.
00:19:16.040 And so, at the point that he'd left, because I had left people for him, I found myself being
00:19:23.040 alone.
00:19:24.040 And like I said, even with a household of people, I was still alone because I wasn't
00:19:28.040 able to talk to them.
00:19:29.040 And every time they would ask me what's wrong, or, you know, my sister or older sister always
00:19:36.040 say to me, say miserable, stop ruining the family, you're so moody, you're so grumpy.
00:19:40.040 But inside, I wanted to scream it out to her, like, this is happening to me, or this is wrong
00:19:44.040 with me.
00:19:45.040 But yeah, on the outside, it would be like, you know what, go away or get lost.
00:19:48.040 That would hurt me.
00:19:49.040 Yeah.
00:19:50.040 Because I'm taking my grief out on my sister in a disrespectful way.
00:19:53.040 Yeah.
00:19:54.040 No, it's true.
00:19:55.040 It reminds me of a brother that I know, he would, when he came to Islam, like, you know,
00:20:01.040 he went through, like, this kind of difficulty.
00:20:03.040 And he spoke to a brother, and the brother was saying, like, you know, when you make your
00:20:07.040 happiness, your life, your everything, your whole world, an individual, when that individual
00:20:12.040 leaves, your happiness, everything in your life leaves.
00:20:15.040 Yes.
00:20:16.040 It's a reminder to us.
00:20:18.040 But I want to come back to the point before we kind of finish off is, now, have you ever
00:20:23.040 heard of him?
00:20:24.040 Like, after that, like, has he ever...
00:20:26.040 I did.
00:20:27.040 I left.
00:20:28.040 Has he changed for the better?
00:20:30.040 Has he changed for the worse?
00:20:31.040 I had, obviously, like I said, I made, and I didn't look back.
00:20:36.040 I just didn't look back.
00:20:38.040 I know that a lot of people were talking about me because he'd made it so aware that I was
00:20:42.040 almost labelled as his.
00:20:44.040 Yeah.
00:20:45.040 I knew that people...
00:20:46.040 So people knew the community.
00:20:47.040 Yeah, because that was one of his things.
00:20:48.040 He was like, can you start telling people so people know that, you know, can you please tell
00:20:51.040 me so that we can pursue this?
00:20:52.040 And then the more people know, then maybe...
00:20:54.040 So he wanted you to tell people?
00:20:55.040 Yeah, he did.
00:20:56.040 Because he was serious that I married.
00:20:57.040 Yeah, exactly that.
00:20:58.040 So he wanted me to kind of make it aware that there is somebody in the picture.
00:21:03.040 And I did it for his sake.
00:21:04.040 That, you know, he's so serious, that's why he wants people to know.
00:21:07.040 So one of the reasons that I couldn't be in and around the area was because I could hear
00:21:10.040 people saying, and what helped me most was when somebody had said to me, I remember walking
00:21:14.040 past a group of girls and said, oh, that's her.
00:21:17.040 You know, he dumped her because she wasn't worth him.
00:21:20.040 So it made me think, what did I do less or where did I go wrong?
00:21:24.040 You know, what did I not give?
00:21:26.040 You know, I was questioning myself.
00:21:27.040 And because I'd asked myself so many questions, I made myself believe that I was a bad one.
00:21:32.040 You know, I belittled myself because of all the questions I was asking myself and what
00:21:37.040 people were saying.
00:21:38.040 It's hard that, you know, home isn't home anymore.
00:21:42.040 Your home should be home.
00:21:44.040 And for me, it wasn't.
00:21:46.040 But I did hear, when I came back, obviously, I decided to put myself together, you know,
00:21:53.040 and, you know, really try and hold on to whatever bit of strength I had.
00:21:57.040 And I decided to come back in the area and just get on with life, despite what people said.
00:22:01.040 I remember being approached by two girls that I had never seen before and asked me if I was okay.
00:22:08.040 I automatically assumed that maybe they've heard things.
00:22:11.040 I said, yeah, I'm fine.
00:22:13.040 They said, don't worry.
00:22:14.040 He's done that to us as well.
00:22:16.040 So he's, so two individuals approach you.
00:22:18.040 Yeah.
00:22:19.040 And they know you, obviously, because they knew he was going to marry you.
00:22:22.040 And he's done the same to two other sisters.
00:22:24.040 Okay.
00:22:25.040 And how was your reaction when you heard this?
00:22:26.040 I was numb.
00:22:27.040 I was really numb.
00:22:29.040 Did you feel like, wow?
00:22:31.040 Or was you like, alhamdulillah?
00:22:32.040 Because in a way, like, for example, you must have thought, you know what?
00:22:36.040 Maybe that's how it really was.
00:22:38.040 It's better that this happened.
00:22:39.040 What was going through your head?
00:22:40.040 To be very honest with you, despite knowing all the negatives that he's done, I can't really find it in my heart to hate him.
00:22:47.040 Because I think the good times for me override the bad times.
00:22:52.040 And in somewhat way, as a person, I feel like I'm a better person now than what I was back then.
00:22:59.040 Like, my siblings are my best friends.
00:23:01.040 My parents are my best friends.
00:23:02.040 Had I not gone through that experience, I would have never appreciated who my real people are.
00:23:07.040 And like I said, wherever I go, whoever I go with, my sister would be with me.
00:23:12.040 If I have a problem, I don't hold it in.
00:23:14.040 I will speak it out to my sister because I've learned from that experience.
00:23:17.040 So it's shaped you?
00:23:18.040 It has.
00:23:19.040 It's definitely shaped me.
00:23:20.040 But one thing that I will always struggle with is marriage.
00:23:25.040 What's meant to be a girl's dream is now my biggest fear.
00:23:29.040 I cannot imagine having a union with a male.
00:23:33.040 I can't picture it.
00:23:34.040 I have no excitement, no happiness towards it.
00:23:37.040 When people get married, I used to always be the one that wanted to go to weddings.
00:23:41.040 And now when there's a family wedding, I avoid it.
00:23:43.040 So that's one thing that I still struggle with to this day because of trust,
00:23:47.040 you know, because of what I've gone through, because of fake promises, words,
00:23:50.040 you know, though his actions were showing it and his words were showing it,
00:23:54.040 it was still, it wasn't real, you know, but I still fell for it because for me,
00:23:59.040 you know, at the time it just seemed so sincere.
00:24:03.040 Asalaamu Alaikum guys, welcome back.
00:24:05.040 You've heard the sister's story and I'm sure you were touched and traumatized as much as I was
00:24:09.040 of what I heard myself in person.
00:24:11.040 Also we were going to have another brother who was meant to do the interview with us,
00:24:14.040 but unfortunately due to personal reasons he backed out.
00:24:16.040 But this was the same brother who went through the same exact problem
00:24:19.040 with what the sister went through, but with the woman that he was with.
00:24:22.040 And he not only left him, but went and married somebody else.
00:24:25.040 So brothers and sisters, we need to acknowledge this happens to both brothers and sisters.
00:24:29.040 And we both need to learn from the following things which I'm about to tell you.
00:24:32.040 What you need to understand is very, very clear.
00:24:35.040 In order for us to not fall for these sins and these mistakes,
00:24:39.040 and even though if we do, we can learn from them.
00:24:41.040 But as you know, Islam is there not as a cure, but as a prevention.
00:24:46.040 So what do we do? We have to cut the problem from the roots.
00:24:48.040 Now, what does most people do? They act with their logic.
00:24:51.040 How? They think, okay, I found somebody, he likes me.
00:24:54.040 You've got that. He shows me affectionate. You've got that.
00:24:57.040 He's with me through thick and thin. You've got that.
00:25:00.040 He's involved in his family. We can never go wrong.
00:25:02.040 But the main fundamental that your whole life should be based upon,
00:25:07.040 which is Islam and Allah .
00:25:10.040 The fact that you don't get Allah involved, that's where the problem comes.
00:25:14.040 Now, brothers and sisters, you need to understand.
00:25:16.040 You cannot work and base your life around logic and think,
00:25:20.040 yeah, that's there, this is there, that is there.
00:25:22.040 Oh, everything's going to be fine.
00:25:23.040 If you do not involve Allah in your worldly affairs,
00:25:26.040 how do you expect any barakah to come with it?
00:25:29.040 Then you can't be surprised and say, oh, why did it go wrong?
00:25:31.040 Of course it will go wrong.
00:25:32.040 If you do not bring the main, the one who's created you,
00:25:35.040 the one who knows what's good and bad for you.
00:25:38.040 And if you disobey that and say, let me go with logic, he likes me,
00:25:41.040 family involved, yeah, yeah.
00:25:42.040 Well, this is what's going to happen.
00:25:43.040 So what do we do? We avoid that. Cut it from the roots.
00:25:46.040 Now, let's move on.
00:25:47.040 Now that we've acknowledged that we need to involve Allah with our affairs,
00:25:51.040 we need to take that step.
00:25:52.040 How?
00:25:53.040 Now, when you're involving Allah with your worldly affairs and matters,
00:25:56.040 you don't do it the way you want it by saying,
00:25:58.040 okay, I said Bismillah and I go and commit zina.
00:26:00.040 Don't fool yourself.
00:26:01.040 You involve Allah how he wants to be involved.
00:26:03.040 And what is the right step to take?
00:26:05.040 You do not get involved in a relationship outside niqah.
00:26:08.040 Number one.
00:26:09.040 Number two, you have to get the niqah done.
00:26:11.040 Once you've done this, the niqah's done,
00:26:13.040 there's barakah in your marriage and you pursue it.
00:26:15.040 Now, if you say, but hold on a second, I know somebody that got married, did it the right way.
00:26:21.040 The guy went and ended up cheating.
00:26:23.040 Hold on a second.
00:26:24.040 If that is the case, for argument's sake, if that is the case, then you've got no sin upon you, my sister or a brother.
00:26:30.040 If you did stuff the right way and they went off and cheated on you or did whatever, you've got no sin upon you
00:26:35.040 because you did the right thing.
00:26:36.040 On the day of judgment, your hands are clean.
00:26:38.040 But if it's both of you and you're in the act and you don't do it, you're both sinners.
00:26:41.040 We can't deny this.
00:26:42.040 And I don't mean this in a harsh way.
00:26:44.040 But you see, even Allah's mercy, he's of forgiveness, most merciful.
00:26:47.040 Now, brothers and sisters, even if you fell for this sin, look how merciful your Lord is.
00:26:52.040 Come back to me.
00:26:53.040 He's the one that loves to forgive sins.
00:26:55.040 He's of forgiveness, most merciful.
00:26:56.040 Come back.
00:26:57.040 If you're sincere in your repentance, not only would your sins be forgiven, but all those bad sins that you did and sincerely repented for will be turned into good deeds.
00:27:05.040 What else do you want, my dear brothers and sisters?
00:27:07.040 Wallahi, your Lord is all forgiven, most merciful.
00:27:09.040 Acknowledge that in your head.
00:27:10.040 And brothers and sisters, not only is your Lord forgiven, but he's also generous.
00:27:15.040 The Prophet Muhammad SAW said in a hadith that if you leave something for the sake of Allah, Allah SWT will replace that with something much more better.
00:27:22.040 If you say, you know what, enough is enough.
00:27:24.040 I want to do stuff the right way.
00:27:26.040 You leave that girl or you leave that guy for the sake of Allah.
00:27:30.040 Watch how Allah SWT puts barakah in your life and replaces that not only with good deeds, but a better individual who will come and do nikah the right way for you.
00:27:38.040 Now, this is what we need to understand.
00:27:40.040 Me, myself, I'm a living proof of this.
00:27:42.040 Wallahi, I'm telling you, leave something for the sake of Allah and watch how it's going to be replaced with something better.
00:27:46.040 To conclude, if you fix your relationship with Allah SWT, He will fix your affairs and your relationships with the people.
00:27:54.040 We need to acknowledge this.
00:27:55.040 There's no running away from it.
00:27:56.040 There's laws that Allah SWT set in place.
00:27:58.040 If I drop these glasses, it's going to fall.
00:28:00.040 There is laws that govern the planet that we live in.
00:28:03.040 And Allah SWT has different laws that if you disobey, you will fall for it.
00:28:07.040 Even though you fall for these mistakes, it's a rahmah from Him because those mistakes can bring you closer to Him.
00:28:13.040 What else can I say brothers and sisters?
00:28:15.040 That's about it from me.
00:28:16.040 If you've liked the video, share it with your friends.
00:28:18.040 Inshallah you guys will benefit.
00:28:19.040 May Allah's mercy and blessings be upon you all.
00:28:21.040 All praises and glory belong to Allah for the works that we do.
00:28:23.040 Thank you very much.
00:28:24.040 Have a brilliant day.
00:28:37.040 Thank you.
00:28:38.040 Thank you.